Multiple Meanings of F of Meanings Multiple Family Focus On... Multiple Meanings of Family Issue FF26

IN FOCUS: The Family Family Definitions Continuum page F1

Policy, Gender Power, and amily Family Outcomes page F2 Definitions Continuum Discourse-Dependent Families page F4 Family Values Reconsidered page F5 by Mellisa Holtzman, Ph.D., Assistant Professor, Department of Sociology, Children’s Experiences as Siblings Ball State University, Muncie, Indiana in Diverse Family Structures page F7 efining exactly what one means parenthood, gay and lesbian marriage and Family Structure from the by “the family” can be difficult. parenting, infertility technologies, and the Perspective of Children page F8 D While no single legal definition of potential outcomes of human cloning. Social Fathers page F10 the family exists, policymakers at both the Moreover, given that social and techno- Lives of Foster Parents page F11 state and federal level generally classify logical changes continue to precipitate International Adoptive individuals as family members if they are changes in the structure and meaning of Families page F12 related to each other by virtue of blood, family, understanding how individuals marriage, or adoption. Relationships that choose between definitions of Adopting Children with are not based on one or more of these the family is Developmental Disabilities page F13 criteria usually do not receive state This framework allows crucial. Yet, it Infertile Couples page F15 recognition or sanction. us to contextualize is unlikely that When is a Grandparent Not a we will come to Yet few people would argue variations in family Grandparent? page F16 understand indi- with the idea that family is definitions and understand viduals’ choices Family Identities of Gay Men page F17 based on something more than their implications. if we do not first Lesbian Mothers page F18 legal or biological ties and that comprehend, in a systematic way, the range feelings of connectedness and emotional Working with Gay- and of choices with which they are faced. Lesbian-Headed Families page F19 attachment are crucial to the experience of A continuum of definitions Raising the Grandkids page F21 family. It seems likely, then, that both biological ties and social attachments Based on my ongoing research, I am Policy Issues and define the family. proposing a conceptual framework that Grandparent-Headed Families page F22 describes variations in the way family is What remains unclear, however, is the Legal Standing of defined in U.S. society. Specifically, I argue extent to which biological and social Grandparent Caregivers page F23 that definitions of the family vary along a definitions compete or coexist. That is, Parental Stress Among Rural continuum with biological conceptions on although both definitions may inform a Grandparents page F24 one end, social conceptions on the other, person’s conception of the family, it is not and feelings of ambivalence—an inability or Very Old Grandparents page F25 necessarily true that both definitions will unwillingness to choose between biologi- Impact of HIV/AIDS on be equally or consistently embraced. cal and social definitions—characterizing Family Structure in Kenya page F25 People may vacillate between the two the area between the two poles. Heterosexual Licensed conceptions of family, sometimes seeing Domestic Partners page F26 family as primarily biological, sometimes While some individuals will align them- Unintended Results of as primarily social, and sometimes as both. selves with the far ends of the continuum, thereby embracing a predominantly bio- Co-Custody page F28 Understanding how family is defined is logical or social definition of the family, Hutterite Families page F29 increasingly important as individuals and many people will embrace both definitions policymakers wrestle with the implica- Teachers and Latino to some degree, thus occupying various Immigrant Parents page F30 tions of divorce and remarriage, single

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Multiple Meanings of Family Policy, Gender Power, and Family Outcomes by Dr. Lynn Prince Cooke, Department of Social Policy and Nuffield College, Oxford University, United Kingdom ince the 1960s, concern has been I have tested the model across nine in- The effect of divorce law growing over rising divorce rates, dustrialized societies: Australia, the former The sensitivity of household bargaining S declining fertility, and more children East and West Germany, Great Britain, to policy differences is assessed further being raised in poverty in single female- Hungary, Italy, Spain, Sweden, and the with an analysis of inter-state variation in headed households. To reverse these United States. The countries vary in the the division of housework among U.S. trends, some urge a return to the tradi- degree to which policies support a male couples. In the United States, family laws tional male-breadwinner family structure breadwinner versus a dual-earner model. vary from state to state, which means at its zenith during the 1950s. Based on The effect of female employment that women’s access to economic re- cross-national comparative analyses sources in the event of marital dissolu- In my analyses, I take advantage of two reported here, however, support for the tion also varies. Access depends, for natural experiments to assess policy traditional family model does not appear example, on the community property effects on the division of labor on couples to be the solution. laws and child support enforcement. within a country. The first assessment is Instead, the evidence overwhelmingly of the former East and West Germany. Variation in these policies affects each suggests that policy encouraging gender After World War II, West Germany partner’s relative power derived from equity encourages population and family implemented policies in support of a their respective alternatives to the mar- stability. In other words, gender equity male-breadwinner model that discouraged riage, that is, the extent to which either represents more than a feminist ideal; it female employment. Socialist East Ger- person is better or worse off in the event proves essential for sustaining healthy many implemented extensive provisions of a divorce. Analyses using the National post-industrial societies. to encourage female employment. Survey of Families and Households sup- port the thesis that in states where the The question of women’s I selected couples law improves a woman’s economic pros- economic independence The evidence suggests that that married for pects post-divorce, the husband’s share Central to the family debates policy encouraging gender the first time of domestic tasks is substantively and is the desirability of women’s equity encourages population between significantly greater. Some state laws rising economic independence and family stability. 1985 and have been enacted only within the past from a male breadwinner, whether 1995 and fol- few years, so policy effects on the house- via employment or state transfers. On lowed them until hold division of labor emerge quickly. one hand, women’s greater economic 2000 to see how the cohort of newlyweds Policy effects are similar, albeit more equality with men (theoretically) encour- negotiated marital life during economic muted, for cohabiting couples. ages men’s greater involvement in the unification. Since unification, East German domestic sphere. On the other, women’s women no longer command the relative Division of labor and fertility greater independence reduces the need resources they did under socialism. The second element of the framework for kinship ties and increases the “oppor- About half of the women in both the East connects the household division of labor tunity cost” of children, thereby (theoreti- and West samples are out of the labor with family outcomes. Most evidence cally) encouraging the demise of family. force, and women who are employed in suggests less evolution in domestic gen- Repercussions of these possibilities both regions tend to work full-time. der roles than would be predicted by the ripple throughout society and the state. change in relative resources associated To the extent individual resources predict with women’s employment. While the To compare these dynamics across societ- the division of domestic labor, it should evolution proceeds slowly, the pace is no ies, I extend Blood and Wolfe’s classic also now be similar across the two regions. reflection of the relative importance of model to incorporate policy effects on Yet this is not the case. Controlling for effects. Greater gender equity in domestic women’s relative power in the family, and women’s employment and earnings, East tasks leads to greater fertility and more link the household division of paid and German men assume a substantially greater stable relationships. unpaid labor to family outcomes. The two percentage of household tasks. This sup- key empirical questions are: first, does ports the thesis that less than 50 years of The effects of the division of domestic policy affect gender equity within the divergent policies significantly alter the tasks on fertility have been assessed in home? And second, does gender equity gendered division of labor among people East and West Germany, Hungary, Italy, affect family outcomes? who share a common socio-cultural past. Spain, Sweden, and the United States.

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Multiple Meanings of Family

FAMILY DEFINITIONS continued from page F1 points between the two ends. As indi- tion, and surrogacy, they generally must expanding, no viduals approach the poles, they will accept that only one of them will be study has offered a likely lean toward one definition even genetically and legally related to the child. framework for while giving credence to the other. The other partner becomes a social parent understanding —a parent in practice but not in law. In variations in family At the center of the continuum, both this case, biological and social definitions definitions. Yet, social and biological definitions will be coexist with relatively little tension. without such a embraced more or less equally and with framework, at- very little tension. Just to either side of The continuum also helps illustrate tempts to under- the center, however, will be those indi- definitional ambivalence—although it is stand the changing viduals who are struggling to choose possible for co-occurring biological and nature of the family between social and biological definitions. social definitions to be equally embraced, Mellisa Holtzman, will lack coherence. These individuals feel compelled to make they may not be. Individuals may use both Ph.D. a choice and their struggle produces definitions simultaneously, yet favor one A definitional continuum provides a definitional conflict. over the other; people may have difficulty common point of reference for research Definitional coexistence and conflict determining which definition of the on a whole host of family issues, including family is the most meaningful for them; the reasons for and implications of fertility Viewing definitions of the family as or people may favor different definitions in technologies; the legal and social ramifi- existing on a continuum enables us to different situations and at different times. cations of gay and lesbian marriage; the understand how biological and social rights of parents, stepparents, and even definitions can both coexist and conflict. Definitions of the family may, in other grandparents to have visitation with minor To the extent that biological and social words, be fluid, coexisting but in different children; and the policy implications of definitions are opposites, they may con- degrees under different circumstances. sealed versus open adoption records. flict with one another. Legally, we see this Thus, gay and lesbian couples, for in- conflict each time a former stepparent stance, may embrace both biological and Although the research upon which this loses custody or visitation rights to a nonbiological definitions during their continuum is based is still preliminary child because there is no genetic relationship, only to abandon them upon a and will need to be explored further in relationship with the child. breakup. The continuum I propose enables the future, it is through this kind of a us to conceptualize this ambivalence. framework that we will be better able Yet, even though biological and social to contextualize variations in family definitions of family are often on opposite A common point of reference definitions and come to understand the ends of the continuum, they can, and The idea that people embrace both bio- implications of those variations in both often do, coexist. For instance, when same logical and social definitions of the family the public and private spheres. sex couples seek to adopt a child or to in varying degrees may seem obvious, even create one using fertility techniques such trivial, but it is neither. Although scholars For more information, contact as artificial insemination, in-vitro fertiliza- recognize that definitions of the family are [email protected].

POLICY, GENDER continued from page F2 In all but Spain, there is evidence that a have second children (as would be pre- interest in achieving husband’s greater participation in dicted by traditional family models), but greater work-family childcare or housework increases the also significantly more likely to divorce. balance so they have likelihood of a second birth. Moreover, more time for do- These dynamics also suggest that the the magnitude of the effect is very similar mestic life. So while male-breadwinner model puts women and across these rather divergent countries. women’s access to their children at greater risk of poverty, So in countries where policies encourage paid employment which increases the likelihood the state greater gender equity, the fertility out- and other economic will need to support such families. There- comes are more favorable. resources forms one fore, policy support for the traditional Dr. Lynn Prince policy pathway to Instability of traditional marriage male-breadwinner family does not appear Cooke greater gender equity, I have completed analyses of the relative to be in the best interests of women, policy should also pave the way for men risk of divorce for East and West Germany children, or the state. to reduce their requisite prioritization of and the United States. The general pattern Meeting in the middle employment without a loss of status in suggests that male-breadwinner marriages Any discussion of policy effects on gender society or the family. Gender equity entails are now significantly more unstable, even relations remains incomplete if we ignore figuring out how to meet in the middle. in countries where policy supported them. how policy reinforces traditional male For example, in West Germany, male- For more information, contact family roles. Evidence is accruing of men’s breadwinner couples are more likely to [email protected].

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Multiple Meanings of Family Diversity’s Legacy: The Rise of Discourse-Dependent Families by Kathleen Galvin, Ph.D., Professor, Communication Studies Department, Northwestern University

ll families engage in some level of Labeling orients familial relationships such stepfather if your Mom didn’t marry him.” discourse-driven family identity as “brother” or “half-sister.” Stepchildren Members of families formed through A building. Less traditionally formed account for the stepparent relationship assisted reproductive technology encounter, families are more discourse-dependent, when they decide whether to represent a “She’s not your real mother if some other engaging in recurring discursive processes stepfather as “My mother’s husband,” woman was pregnant with you.” Parents to create and maintain identity. As families “Brad,” “My stepfather,” or “Pops,” each who adopt transracially must be prepared become more diverse, definitional processes revealing a different sense of connection. for, “Couldn’t you get a White child?” expand exponentially rendering identity Labeling may also contradict another’s Defending responses may also arise from highly discourse-dependent. expectations. When a stepmother appears sheer frustration. Annoyed by the constant same age as her stepson, or “Grandma High discourse-dependent families reflect question, “How can you two be sisters?” Carl” is male, a planned explanation for differences. Circumstances such as con- Asian and Caucasian teenage sisters outsiders may be developed. tinued ties to birth parents and adoptive decided to respond “The Mailman.” parents, visual dissimilarity among mem- Explaining involves making a named Internal boundary management bers, same-sex parents, or a “seed daddy,” family relationship understandable or Names present issues within family create ambiguity. In such cases, family giving reasons for it. For example, same- boundaries as members struggle to create identity must be managed and sex couples with chil- identity. For example, international defined as members face dren or parents who As diversity increases, adoptees arrive with names reflecting outsiders’ questions or adopt transracially communicative definitions their birth family or culture, and adoptive challenges, or need to are faced with of family will be privileged parents must decide if or how to change revisit their identity at differ- explaining their over structural definitions. them. Open adoption creates a need for ing developmental stages. The family to others. nomenclature for all persons in the adop- more ambiguous the family form, Such families need tion triangle. Stepchildren may use a the more elaborate the communica- to find explanations to answer non-hostile name honoring a stepparent’s role by tive processes needed to manage identity. questions such as “How come your par- using a biological term such as “Momma,” ents are Irish and you’re Chinese?” or Family identity is constituted through dissimilar from their name for the biologi- “How can you have two mothers?” social interaction. As diversity increases, cal parent. Lesbian couples may use a name communicative definitions of family Legitimizing invokes legal sanction or reflecting the co-parent’s culture. Some increasingly will be privileged over struc- custom and positions relationships as same-sex parents discuss creating hyphen- tural ones. High discourse-dependent genuine and conforming to recognized ated last name for the family and how they families engage regularly in external as standards. Adoption professionals pre- wish to be referred to by their children. well as internal boundary management. pare parents who adopt transracially for Discussion of the family situation is This is especially true in times of stress, questions such as, “Is she your real impacted by the degree of diversity because understandings of inclusion are daughter?” Responses are chosen on the among family members. Gay or lesbian less clear than in families formed through basis of the parent’s interaction goals partners may find themselves discussing biological and adult legal ties. The follow- and/or the child’s ability to understand how to represent their relationship to ing sections describe communication the interaction. Same-sex parents can each other’s extended family. Lesbian practices found in academic and profes- refer to books such as Heather Has Two partners must discuss decisions regarding sional sources as well as popular literature. Mommies or Daddy’s Roommate, which how to become parents and who will be depict their family as genuine. External boundary management the biological mother. Parents in families Labeling provides an orientation to a Defending is a response to hostility or formed through reproductive technology situation or problem. Labeling frequently direct challenge to the familial form. must decide how to talk about their involves introducing or referring to an- Children in cohabiting stepfamilies face children’s origins. Blended family other person by familial position or title. comments such as, “He’s not your real Diversity’s Lergacy continued on page F5 Family Focus June 2005 F4 Family Focus On...

Multiple Meanings of Family Family Values Reconsidered by Michelle Radin Deen, M.A., MFT, Adjunct Faculty, Department of Clinical Psychology, Antioch University, Santa Barbara, California

ver the last 30 years, the face of Demographic realities such as these have I would argue that an emphasis on family life has changed dramati- spurred a cultural war. Pundits and parti- traditional family values may be distract- Ocally with trends pointing away san spokespeople see in such changes a ing us from the real problem at hand. from the Ozzie and Harriet, married-with- “family values crisis,” which, in their view, That’s because these values focus on children nuclear family model. Families is the cause of many moral and social ills form over function, roles over the quality of all shapes, colors, sizes, and sexual of relationships, and doctrine over inner orientations have emerged, forging a new development. “normal” along the way. Redefining the problem According to Census 2000: It’s true that many of the cultural attitudes that formerly buttressed the institution
Less than 25 percent of the population of marriage and the family have disap- lives in a nuclear family today (this peared or evolved. Marriage is no longer includes the divorced and remarried a duty. Women are no longer financially “blended” families). dependent upon “the man of the house.”
Gay and lesbian families have risen Divorce is no longer illegal or shameful. 300 percent between 1990 and 2000. But strong families remain standing, and
The number of unmarried couples healthy marriages stay together despite living together has increased tenfold women’s equality, society’s “permission” since 1960, and rose 72 percent be- to divorce, or gays who want to marry. tween 1990 and 2000.
Single parenthood jumped 254 percent Those of us in the field of family studies between 1970 and 2000. realize that the family is not a static role- facing our nation. They believe that salva-
Professional, middle-class single mothers based institution. We understand that tion for families and our country lies in a are one of the fastest-growing groups each family is a dynamic emotional system “return to traditional family values.” of single mothers; and 41 percent of whose function and evolution is critical babies born to unwed mothers today But does it? What exactly makes a “good” for the survival of its members. In today’s are being born into a home where the marriage and family? Are “traditional family Family Values continued on page F6 mother and father live together. values” the solution to family troubles?

DIVERSITY’S LEGACY continued from page F4 members may use family meetings to their children. How the story is told affects tive families may celebrate “gotcha” day, resolve issues such as finding space for identity: consider the impact of, “When and birth family members may be invited non-custodial children or disciplinary you were abandoned…” versus “When your to share a child’s birthday party. rights. Transracially adopted children birthmother made an adoption plan…” The concept of family is changing irrevo- begin to comment on physical differences Many families formed through differences cably as more families are formed through between themselves and other family suppress or lose their narratives: uncer- multiple differences. When family identity members at an early age. Families also tain parents may fabricate some pieces of is involved, language follows lived experi- discuss external boundary management the story to avoid discussing infertility, ence. Contemporary families, living in a practices: for example, parents of previous marriages, and divorces. world of instability and definitional ambi- transracially adopted children need to Rituals also help families create an identity. guity, depend increasingly on discourse prepare them to encounter racial deroga- Most families develop rituals, but those to construct their identities. tion and plan appropriate responses. formed through differences struggle with Adapted with permission from Discourse Narration helps families define themselves. what to ritualize and which rituals from Dependency: Diversity’s Impact on Defining Members tell and retell the story of who previous family experiences should be the Family. (in press). In L. Turner and R. West they are and what they have become. The continued. Stepfamily members often (Eds.), Family Communication: A Reference more diverse the family, the more compli- create new rituals. They may also import of Theory and Research. Sage Publications. cated the narrative. In cases of adoption, or adapt rituals enacted in a former family. entrance stories are the beginning of an Gay and lesbian partners face creating an For more information, contact ongoing dialogue between parents and identity without marriage rituals. Adop- [email protected].

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Multiple Meanings of Family

FAMILY VALUES continued from page F5 Western culture, the family’s function is connections create brain connections. In From this point of to provide for the nurturance and optimal other words, the architecture of the brain view, sound inter- development of its members. How well a is influenced by the emotional communi- personal relation- family achieves this purpose determines cation between caregiver and child. This ships are a “family its value, health, or “goodness.” This is communication can be growth-facilitating value” that is truly true regardless of the form an individual or growth-inhibiting. valuable. family may take. Allan Schore, Daniel Siegel, and Bruce Supporting Common sense dictates and a wealth of Perry are just a few of those who have optimum research over the last 20 years suggests written and spoken widely on this subject. development Michelle Radin that a satisfying and stable marriage has They provide compelling insights into Much current Deen, M.A., MFT more to do with the psychological the critical importance political discussion makeup of the partners involved Nature needs that attachment or “emo- is focused on attempting to reclaim or than any other factors. As John nurture, not tional attunement” plays redefine the institutional ideal of “family.” Gottman’s longitudinal research institutions. in the proper development But such discussion is largely beside the has shown, the likelihood of of the prefrontal cortex. Why point because it seldom acknowledges the divorce is highly correlated with the is this so important? Because the importance of interpersonal connection, quality of the emotional dynamics within prefrontal cortex is the seat of the ability which is the soul of family life. As Thomas a marriage. Not surprisingly, the marital to regulate affect and behavior, control Moore states in his book, Soulmates: dynamics that spell doom are neither impulses, feel empathy, and use sound nurturing nor supportive. Yet, within the judgment, which are essential for healthy A family is not an abstract cultural ideal: context of arguments that favor a “return social functioning and moral behavior. a man, woman and children living bliss- to family values,” the quality of family fully in a mortgaged house on a quiet And so we go full circle: Emotionally relationships is seldom considered. neighborhood street. The family the soul attuned parent-child relationships beget wants is a felt network of relationship, an And, what about the prospects of raising optimal brain development, which in evocation of a certain kind of interconnec- stable, emotionally healthy, moral chil- turn begets healthy relationships. The tion that grounds, roots, and nestles. dren? Does it take a traditional nuclear cycle begins with the emotional quality family and all its attendant values, roles, of the earliest relationships, which influ- It is pointless to promote marriage and and rules? Mounting scientific evidence ences the development of structures “traditional family values” without also suggests that the answer is no. Nature deep within the brain. Healthy brain tending to the soul of family life. We needs nurture, not institutions. development plays a significant role in a must instead, as a society, foster families person’s ability to create emotional and communities that can nurture our Building children and bonds and weather the ups and downs children—especially the most vulnerable families from the inside out of interpersonal relationships, including who may come from severely dysfunc- Using functional MRIs, brain researchers marriage and family life. tional or high-risk families—so they can are tapping into the fascinating world of grow into healthy adults. interpersonal neurobiology, discovering Strong families are built from the inside that we are “hardwired to connect.” out, and they pass on a legacy of healthy For more information, contact Research findings suggest that human development to succeeding generations. [email protected].

American Families: 55% 2 million Among mothers with infant children The estimated number of preschoolers who By The Numbers in 2002, the percentage in the labor are cared for in a day-care center during 68% force, down from a record 59 percent the bulk of their mother’s working hours. The proportion of family groups with in 1998. This marks the first significant 26.5 million children that are married-couple families. decline in this rate since the Census Number of fathers who are part of Bureau began calculating this measure 5.5 million married-couple families with their own in 1976. In that year, 31 percent of children under the age of 18. Number of “stay-at-home” parents—5.4 mothers with infants were in the million moms and 98,000 married labor force. 2.3 million fathers with children under 15 years old Number of single fathers, up from who have remained out of the labor force 72% 393,000 in 1970. Currently, among single for more than one year primarily so they Among mothers between ages 15 and 44 parents living with their children, 18 can care for the family while their wives who do not have infants, the percentage percent are men. work outside the home. in the labor force. By the Numbers continued on page F14

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Multiple Meanings of Family “I Think He’s Still My Brother, ’Cause He Is”: Children’s Experiences as Siblings in Diverse Family Structures by Meghan Terry Broadstone, Ph.D., Psychology

ibling relationships are a relatively Although he had trouble shifting from in various ways. Some children have new recent addition to the study of being an only child, he said: I felt a little relationships with stepparents and step- Sfamily and child development. excited because at first I had nobody to play siblings while others live with a single Although researchers have explored with… and it’s really boring to have just me parent; other children gain new half- particular aspects of the sibling relation- playing with myself. Justin valued the siblings; some children go back and forth ship, the subjective experiences of chil- presence of his brother as a new play- between households with their siblings. dren have been overlooked. No one has mate, a common role for siblings. When parents divorce, children’s sibling asked the question, “What is it like to be relationships are affected. Elizabeth, a thoughtful and mature Cau- a sister or brother?” casian 10-year-old, told me stories about When 12-year-old Zachariah spoke with Research on siblings also lacks studies of life at home with her mother, her mother’s me about being a sibling in his family, children from diverse ethnic, economic, boyfriend, and her little half-brother, his mother’s expectations shaped and family structure backgrounds. In Leo. I shared stories his stories. my research I examined how children about my own expe- Children’s own definitions of “family” His mother, constructed their own stories about their riences with three and “sibling” broaden our knowledge of a Cuban identities as siblings. sisters. After hearing the multiple meanings of family. immigrant about my large family, and divorced I observed and interviewed 10 sibling Elizabeth surprised me by single mother, pairs at an urban after-school program. talking about a second brother. She told expected Zachariah to be the “man of the My 20 participants grew up in two-parent me, I have two brothers. But I don’t know house” and a role model for his younger families, adoptive families, same-sex my other brother’s name. He got adopted…. brother and sister. parent families, blended families, and I think he’s still my brother ‘cause he is. immigrant families. The children’s inter- Zach told me that if he argued with his Even though that he got adopted. I never actions with their siblings and narratives brother, he got in trouble. As he explained: knew him. I don’t know his name. I never about their relationships revealed multiple My mom takes it out on me because I’m the knew what he looked like.” roles for siblings and multiple meanings responsible one. Zach was also frequently of “brother,” “sister,” and “family.” After listening to Elizabeth, I realized I left in charge of his younger siblings. had not thought about children talking Although he was proud of his role as a I began my study with my own expecta- about, or even knowing about, birth sib- mature member of his family, he also tions about children’s experiences in lings adopted by another family. Elizabeth struggled with the responsibility of disci- families and what I thought of as a broad broadened my definitions of sibling and plining his brother. His parents divorce definition of “sibling.” However, my par- family. The brother she did not know affected his role in the family and subse- ticipants described sibling relationships shaped her identity as a sister. She wanted quently, his identity as a sibling. and multiple roles as siblings that I had me to know about her two brothers, the not previously considered. They added a Immigration one she never met and the one she had personal dimension to the topics adoption, Over half of my participants were children lived with for seven years. Her definition divorce, and immigration. of immigrants. In my study, I found that of sibling reflected her own experience. Adoption immigrant families bring expectations for Divorce the role of sibling that challenge descrip- The children in my study presented the For a significant number of children, tions of sibling relationships in main- topic of adoption from several perspec- divorce is part of the family experience. stream Western research. For example, tives. Justin, a 7-year-old Latino, told me But divorce shapes children’s experiences about meeting his adopted brother. Children’s Experiences continued on page F8

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Multiple Meanings of Family Their Voices Should Count, Too: Family Structure from the Perspective of Children by John M. Bolland, Ph.D., Senior Research Scientist, Institute for Social Science Research, University of Alabama; and Chalandra M. Bryant, Ph.D., Associate Professor, Department of Human Development and Family Studies, Pennsylvania State University

uch has been written about the high-poverty neighborhoods may be of 203,000 people, the census indicates problems of female-headed particularly at risk. that 84.1 percent of families living below households, particularly from the poverty level were headed by a single M Census 2000 reports that nationally, 66.7 the point of view of the children living in parent; HUD data from 1998 indicate percent of American families living in them. Female-headed households have that 98.3 percent of families living in poverty in urban areas are headed by a been implicated as a risk factor for a public housing were headed by a single single parent. Within public housing number of negative youth behaviors parent. The vast majority of these house- neighborhoods, which are arguably and outcomes, including chronic health holds were headed by females. among the most impoverished areas in problems, early sexual behavior and the country, the Department of Housing A simplistic definition? pregnancy, substance abuse, and violence. and Urban Development (HUD) reports However, we might question whether the Not surprisingly, neighborhood poverty that 88.3 percent of households are published statistics on female-headed is also a risk factor for many of the same headed by a single parent. In some re- households adequately reflect the experi- negative outcomes. Thus, children living gions, these figures are even more skewed. ences of children growing up in those in female-headed households located in For example, in Mobile, Alabama, a city households. Put differently, the distinction between single-parent households and two-parent households used in most of CHILDREN’S EXPERIENCES continued from page F7 the research and virtually all of the policy the topic of sibling rivalry is common in siblings in Africa to debate about household structure may the United States, as is the idea that each their new family be too simplistic. child must be celebrated as an individual and home. Studies have identified a large number of with unique talents. In other countries, Children as different family configurations in urban sibling caregiving is more common. experts African American communities, suggesting Nine-year-old Hakim was the middle As the fields of the potential importance of non-tradi- child of Senegalese immigrants. When psychology, sociol- tional family structures in the lives of we spoke, Hakim described how he ogy, and family children. It is important to consider how helped his disabled older sister, Malaika: studies continue to these different classification schemes expand the defini- may moderate what we know about the We have to help her a lot. But he quickly Meghan Terry emphasized what Malaika could do her- tion of family, we relationship between family structure should consider Broadstone, Ph.D. self: We don’t help her with her leg… and and child outcomes in impoverished the perspectives of children who are she does her book reports all by herself. neighborhoods. Before beginning this growing up as members of a wide variety type of study, however, we should con- When I asked Hakim why he always of families. When children are given the sider the range of household structures helped his sister he replied: Because my room to speak freely about their own found in inner-city neighborhoods, and mom said that we should always help with lives, they challenge strict definitions of how this compares with the statistics our sisters and brothers because my mom “family” and “sibling” offered by tradi- concerning single- and two-parent house- always had like twelve or thirteen brothers tional research. By making sense of the holds that are typically underscored in and sisters. Based on how Hakim described only worlds that they know, they can policy debates. his role as brother, it was evident that the broaden our knowledge of the multiple expectation for sibling caregiving was meanings of family. The particular structure identified for any given household may differ depending deeply ingrained in his family life. His For more information, contact parents brought their own experiences as [email protected]. Their Voices continued on page F9

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Multiple Meanings of Family

THEIR VOICES continued from page F8 upon the perspective of the household percent reported living in the equivalent like a father to them. While in many member queried. Thus, it is not surpris- of two-parent households (for example, cases this person was a nontraditional ing to find that children often provide mother and grandfather together in the parent (for example, a grandfather, different responses than their parents. same house). older brother, or mother’s boyfriend), From a mother’s perspective, she may be very few youth were unable to identify The popular perception of inner-city a single head of household, and as such, a father figure. children growing up without a father is she may view herself as the most impor- further distorted by the failure to acknowl-
Second, biological fathers are much tant person in the life of her child. But edge nonresident parents in the official more important to youth growing up from the child’s perspective, a non-resi- statistics. We are left with the impression in inner-city households than is typi- dent father may play an important role in that if a father does not reside in the cally imagined. Up to 47.8 percent of his or her life, too—as may a grandfather household, the child is without paternal respondents identified their biological or an older brother. If, as we all believe, support, an impression that runs counter father as the person most like a father the child’s behavior is affected by the to our data. Across years, up to 21.8 to them; among these, up to 84.9 family, then the manner in which the percent of the respondents percent stayed with family is configured around the child reported spending him at least some of should be described by the child and not some time with a non- Single-parent households the time. just by the primary caregiver. are much less common resident father (or father
Third, single-parent Mothers and fathers in inner cities than figure), and an additional households are much is typically believed. Six years of data collected from nearly 11.4 percent reported resid- less common in inner 6,000 impoverished youth (aged 10 to ing in a joint custody situation, cities than is typically 18) living in Mobile, Alabama, allow us spending approximately equal amounts believed, or than the official statistics to explore these issues further. During of time with their mother (figure) and indicate. Less than a third of respon- the course of our study, up to 72.6 percent their father (figure). Thus, approximately dents indicated that they lived in of respondents identified their birth 30 percent of the respondents have single-parent households, far below mother as the person most like a mother substantial contact with and support the HUD and census figures. to them, up to 16.4 percent identified from both a father or father figure and a grandmothers in this role, and up to mother or mother figure, even though While family or household composition 6.8 percent identified aunts. Very few they may reside in what the census is important, the recent heightened focus respondents indicated that they had no would label “a single-parent household.” of many researchers and policymakers one who was like a mother to them. on family structure, particularly in low- Contradicting common wisdom income homes, is blinding us to the Surprisingly, relatively few respondents These results suggest several conclusions more salient issues of family process and (only about 13 percent) indicated that that contradict the common wisdom about parental influence. they had no one who was like a father to the structure of inner-city households: them. Perhaps just as surprising, up to For more information, contact
First, nearly 90 percent of respondents 47.8 percent identified their biological [email protected] or were able to identify a person who was father as the person most like a father to [email protected]. them. A number of other respondents identified a grandfather, an uncle, a stepfather, or an older brother as a person who was like a father to them. Further analyses showed no statistical differences between males and females in these responses. Although older adolescents were more likely to identify someone other than a biological parent as the person most like a mother or father to them, these trends were modest. Across the six years of data collection, up to 31.9 percent of the respondents reported living in true two-parent house- holds (that is, households with two parents or step-parents living together most or all of the time). Another 7.6

Family Focus June 2005 F9 Family Focus On...

Multiple Meanings of Family Social Fathers: Other Men in Families by Michelle L. Bragg, Ph.D., Postdoctoral Research Fellow, Wellesley Centers for Women

merican families are changing in married) parent and children” nuclear fictive kin, or male friends of either bio- ways that could expose children mold no longer “fits” some American logical parent. to more males over the course of families. Census data suggest married- A Social fathers represent a range of men childhood. Demographic trends such as couple households with their own children accessible to children and families. These growing numbers of nonmarital births, comprise 23 percent of all households “other fathers” are the male counterparts increasing cohabitation, the delay or today, down from 40 percent in 1970. to women known as “other mothers.” diminishing incidence of marriage, and Census data indicate about 1.6 million Together, these “others” operate in the high rates of divorce, for example, have children under age 15 live in households context of “multiple” or “shared” parent- moved fathers and fatherhood from the with unmarried mothers and unrelated hood. Therefore, social father roles are margin to the political center. partners. Roughly 1.5 million children live ones that can be performed “serially” With respect to research and policy, a in extended households with at least one (one man and then another) or “simulta- great deal of attention is paid to “deadbeat parent and both grandparents. Nearly neously” by multiple men. dads,” “dead- broke dads,” and teenage 1.3 million children live in households “Nearby” or “nice guy” and absent fathers. Indeed, fatherhood with at least one grandparent, but with Generally, social fathers are either re- initiatives largely promote the establish- no parents present. Additionally, a 2001 garded as “nice guys” or “nearby guys.” ment of paternity, responsibility for children, Census report estimates that roughly 3.7 Nice guys are those men who really are regular payment of child support, and the million children reside withbiological “like fathers” to children with respect molding of men into “marriage material.” mothers and step or to attitudes and behaviors, adoptive fathers. But men other than biological fathers Policies that define while “nearby guys” repre- Another 2 mil- play important roles in the daily lives of fatherhood too narrowly sent men who are prima- lion children live many children and families. These“social may leave many families rily interested in romantic in households with fathers,” men who help parent children un-served or under-served. pursuits with children’s an uncle, nephew, or other than their own, have heretofore mothers. Relational status brother-in-law present. received little attention. likely plays a role in men’s motiva- One dad does not fit all While men are present in some families, tion and behaviors regarding the social they cycle in and out of others, have father role. Grandfathers and unrelated That every child has one biological responsibilities in more than one family cohabiting men, for example, may ap- father is invariant. In the social context, or may be absent altogether. Conditions proach the social father role differently. however, a distinction exists between such as these, coupled with children’s genitor (biological father) and pater (one Other considerations such as the length living arrangements, foster environments who performs the functions of a father). and extent of involvement with children, where children and families may come to Traditionally in America, especially economic factors, patterns of family rely on one or more men other than among European Americans, and disruption, as well as the nature of family genitor (and perhaps in addition to) biological contexts are related to men’s motivations pater were one and the same. That is, fathers to perform social father or pater about social father roles. The role may be one man, typically the husband of a roles. It is, therefore, important to gain precipitated by cultural factors as well. child’s biological mother, performed the insight about these other men. roles society assigned to fathers. As a For example, “shared parenthood” has result, the term “father,” like the term “Others” in families historically been a component of family “family,” is narrowly defined in America. Social fathers are a group of other men life and a form of resilience for African who are “like fathers” to children. These Americans. Additionally, African Ameri- Current family trends challenge normative men are either relatives or unrelated cans have a collective orientation and definitions of “father” and “family” and males who help parent children other thus, filling social father roles may be suggest the need to expand both as both than their own. Relative social fathers related to a sense of cultural obligation. undergird policy. Since the mid-to-late include children’s grandfathers, uncles, An increasing presence 1960s, a growing number of families have cousins, or older brothers. Nonrelative Forthcoming research from the author come to exist in nontraditional forms. social fathers can include mothers’ boy- suggests that all social fathers are not the That is, the traditional “two (biological and friends, stepfathers, adoptive fathers, Social Fathers continued on page F11 Family Focus June 2005 F10 Family Focus On...

Multiple Meanings of Family The Unique Lives of Foster Parents by Jason B. Whiting, Ph.D., Assistant Professor and Paul T. Huber, Doctoral Student, Department of Family Studies, University of Kentucky returned to the biological family, there State agency looking for a few good men, women, or couples: Mentally and physically can be intense feelings of grief and loss. healthy couple or individual wanted to take children into their home on a temporary basis. This can be especially difficult if the The children come in all ages and will likely have a variety of problems, including distrust foster family does not agree that the of adults, acting out, depression, developmental delays, and possible fire-starting. Hours are 24/7, and frequent interruptions and emergencies on the job are expected. Training decision is in the best interests of the child provided, but most necessary skills will be obtained on the job. Experience life as you and has made that opinion known. As never thought possible! Some financial remuneration provided. Other less tangible one parent explained: The hard part is, of rewards probable, but not guaranteed. Possibility of life-changing experiences as you course, you get attached to the children make a difference in the lives of children. when they are in your home for a long time and then knowing some of the circumstances nterested? Although slightly tongue foster families are in a better position to they go back to. in cheek, this “help wanted” ad support them in their service. More Also difficult for many foster families are I describes the typical experience of effective support of foster parents leads to the upheavals and emotional reactions foster parents. Foster parents provide a better retention, fewer failed placements that occur when crucial service for society’s child welfare of children, and ultimately better the foster children More effective support needs, but professionals do not always outcomes for children in care. visit with the bio- of foster parents leads to understand the unique dynamics of Disincentives logical family. In these families. Family professionals who better outcomes for Although rewards exist, there addition, the ambi- understand the needs and challenges of for children in care. are many disincentives to becoming guities regarding a foster parent. These parents are relationships SOCIAL FATHERS sometimes viewed as “martyrs” or between foster family, foster child, and “saints” or as having low social status. biological family are often frustrating. continued from page F10 The media often sensationalize the Financial problems can also create stress same. First, out- difficulties and dangers inherent in the for foster families. The cost of raising comes for African system, scaring potential helpers away. children is increasing, and reimburse- American and white Some parents fear that taking foster ment rates for fostering fall far below the families differ by children will result in accusations of actual expense of raising a child. This social father type. abuse, or they worry about the stress on creates a bind for foster parents since Second, the rela- their own family and marriage. In addi- their own family’s financial situation can tionship between tion, there is little support or material be put at risk by their assistance to other positive impacts on assistance for the work, and many at-risk children. Reimbursement rates are children and families couples are busy with two careers. uneven across the country, but in 2001 and the relational A familiar problem for many foster foster families generally received about status of social Michelle L. Bragg, parents is their relationship with the 60 percent of what a middle-class family fathers is not clear- Ph.D. licensing agency. Poor communication spent to raise a child. cut. What is clear, however, is that cur- from caseworkers and a lack of agency Watching them grow and learn rent demographic trends are unlikely to support is common. Some experienced The rewards of fostering are varied, and reverse in the near future. Rather, it is foster parents feel that their contribution sometimes difficult to describe. In inter- likely that the prevalence and presence toward permanency planning is ignored views with foster parents, we have heard of social fathers in families will increase. even though they usually have valuable a variety of reasons why people enlist and As the context of American families insight into options for the child. Inad- continue to serve in this role. Some dis- continues to change, normative defini- equate provisions for respite care, in- cussed feelings of love and satisfaction. tions of “father” and “family” need to tended to provide temporary relief from One foster parent explained: We just try expand to incorporate social fathers. the stresses of caring for foster children, to do the best we can while we have them, Fatherhood initiatives and family-related are also common. and knowing whether you have done them policies that define either too narrowly Loss, upheavals, and financial worries much good, it is hard to tell. But enjoying may leave many social father families The loss of a foster child is often the them is certainly a joy. un-served or under-served. most difficult time of a family’s fostering Another foster parent agreed: The reward For more information, contact career. When a child in their home is is having the children, they are a blessing. [email protected]. Unique Lives continued on page F12

Family Focus June 2005 F11 Family Focus On...

Multiple Meanings of Family Parenting the International Adoptive Family by Maryellen B. Miller, RN, MS, CFLE, Instructor, Department of Health and Physical Education, Montgomery County Community College, Blue Bell, Pennsylvania and Parent Education Instructor, Child, Home & Community, Doylestown, Pennsylvania

t Gate 7, the excitement is palpable of these children were adopted from additional skills. These include dealing among the balloons and flowers China, Russia, and Central America. That with racial or ethnic differences, meeting A as a welcoming committee of translates into thousands of newly formed the needs of an older infant or toddler assorted relatives and friends await the and growing families seeking support who has experienced fragmented or arrival of the newest member of their and guidance on adoption issues such as custodial care while in an orphanage, and family. The sleepless, yet ecstatic, parents attachment and adjustment to the creating a family iden- emerge from the plane with the child family, early intervention, and Parenting the tity for the child. they waited so long to meet, and the next how and when to talk about international adoptive In the past, parents chapter begins in the adoption story. adoption with the child. family requires special adopting interna- We’re home: What’s next? Effective parenting is learned, parenting skills. tionally were told to In 2004, there were 21,000 international and parenting the international expect some develop- adoptions in the United States. Two-thirds adoptive family requires learning some mental delays in their children, but were not given specific directions on how to deal with them. Research has shown UNIQUE LIVES that preparing parents helps them make continued from page F11 a better transition to parenthood. Prepa- ration also helps them understand Said another: When you open up the front developmental and attachment issues door and you come home and they come and become aware of the challenges that running and grab you and they go, “Mommy face a newly created multicultural family. it’s you! I miss you so much!” That’s it right there. Yet another summed it up this way: International adoption agencies now The biggest reward is that it changes your life. recommend that parents learn as much as possible about these issues. In addition, Some parents talked of the excitement of agencies require prospective parents to bringing new members into the family, Jason B. Whiting, Paul T. Huber, Ph.D. Doctoral Student attend special training sessions, which such as getting …two wonderful little boys are frequently offered at the agency during that we are going to be adopting. Others ask for advice and take it to heart, or the adoption process. mentioned the satisfaction of making a hearing from a grown foster child who difference for the child, including saving calls unexpectedly to announce news Learning the basics the life of one medically fragile infant: about marriage or an expected child. We adopted our infant daughter from The fact that he’s gone from nothing to India while we were living in Louisiana. Other moments may include watching a something . . . at least now he has a chance At that time, there was little support for young adult graduate from college and he didn’t have before. the growing number of families pursuing knowing that they are the first in their international adoption in Ouachita Parish. Another parent echoed that feeling: It has biological family to go beyond high To meet this need, I created “Parenting just been a wonderful experience to have a school. Rewards come from the belief the International Adoptive Family.” child in the home . . . to see [him] grow and that you made a difference, if only for a This eight-hour community education learn . . . It has been very fulfilling knowing little while, in the life of someone who course is offered to prospective and new that he has had the love and the care that was headed down a difficult road. Those parents who internationally adopted he may or may not have had until the time who respond to the “help wanted” call infants or toddlers. In a small group we got him. and become foster parents may not setting (six couples), over four weeks, this Making a difference know what awaits them, but they can course helps adoptive parents learn to anticipate plenty of stresses and satisfac- The subtle rewards of foster parenting care for their child’s physical and develop- tions in their service. are found during unexpected moments, mental needs and offers information about such as seeing a child smile and learn to For more information, contact medical, legal, loss, and attachment issues. trust new family members, having a teen [email protected]. International continued on page F13 Family Focus June 2005 F12 Family Focus On...

Multiple Meanings of Family Families Who Adopt Children with Developmental Disabilities by Laraine M. Glidden, Ph.D., Professor and Chair, Department of Psychology, St. Mary’s College of Maryland or two decades, I have studied fami- others have not completed high school. Karen and Thomas Langford ies who knowingly adopt children Most have incomes close to the U.S. For nine years, the Langfords tried to Fwith developmental disabilities. median, but some are wealthy and others become pregnant. They underwent Although these families constitute a very are poor. Some adopt many children with multiple medical procedures, but finally small minority of all families in the disabilities, and others adopt one or two. decided that the chances were slim. United States and other countries, their Most of the families adopt children of Infertility was, therefore, a primary diversity contributes to understanding their own race or ethnicity, but a sub- motivation for adoption, as it was for the diversity of families in general. stantial minority—32 percent—adopt 44 percent of couples in the sample. transracially or transethnically, and others The Langfords also believed that a People often ask: What kind of family adopt internationally. decision to adopt was consistent with adopts children with intellectual or severe their religious beliefs, as did 37 percent physical disabilities? The response is In this essay, I present brief case studies of the families in this sample. difficult because adoptive families are of families different from each other, but diverse. Some are married couples with who are nonetheless typical of a subset Their first-adopted child, Johnny, had biological children (53 percent); some of families who adopt children with developmental delay and had been re- have no birth children (47 percent). Some developmental disabilities. All names moved from his birth mother because of are headed by single parents (13 percent), have been changed, as well as some neglect. Their second, Eve, was adopted usually women but occasionally men. minor details to protect the confidential- just two years later. Eve, an infant with Some parents are highly educated, but ity of the information and participants. Families Who Adopt continued on page F14

INTERNATIONAL continued from page F12 The teaching methods are multi-sensory. who have left the familiar orphanage or through food, Parents practice diapering and dressing, foster care setting grieve. Grief behaviors games, traditions, learn how to respond in an emergency, include crying, withdrawal, anxiety, and and customs. Par- and discuss how to help children make constant activity. Children may also be ents are also intro- the transition from the diet and sleeping overwhelmed, and they may search for duced to the process arrangements in their country of origin to lost caregivers. of creating a “life those in their new home setting. Parents book” that records Class participants learn how to establish meet a pediatrician and an attorney who and honors the the necessary consistency and continuity specializes in adoption law. These pro- adopted child’s life of care that establishes a nurturing home fessionals give expert advice and answer and heritage from Maryellen B. Miller, environment for their child and facilitates parents’ questions on medical and legal birth to the present. RN, MS, CFLE bonding and attachment. issues related to adoption. At the conclusion of the course, participat- Celebrating diversity Special issues ing parents are given many resources and Class participants are also introduced to Adoptive parents often ask: Will I love encouragement for adoption follow-up positive adoption language, which is my new child right away? Will my child and support. Although the class focuses constructive, inclusive, and healing, attach to me? How will I know? on understanding, nurturing, and advocat- rather than hurtful. Participants are ing for their child, one of the its strongest Children adopted internationally may given the opportunity to role-play ways legacies is the camaraderie the parents have experienced multiple caregivers or of telling the adoption story to their develop with one another—support that frequent hospitalizations during the first child, as well as speaking generally about endures as they continue together on their two years of life. These experiences affect adoption to relatives and friends. adoption journey. children’s ability to trust the adults who The class also presents ways of integrating For more information, contact now care for them. Infants and toddlers the child’s birth culture into the family [email protected].

Family Focus June 2005 F13 Family Focus On...

Multiple Meanings of Family

FAMILIES WHO ADOPT continued from page F13 Down syndrome, had been given up for setting for treatment of his severe psychi- and these large families had adopted a adoption because her birth parents felt atric problems, but the other three were mean of 8.65 children. The Carters were that they could not adapt to the disability. still living with Rose, who was delighted exceptional even in this group, having During the next 15 years, the Langfords with this situation for the present. She adopted more than 30 children with successfully handled Eve’s ear and heart did anticipate, however, that eventually special needs, including some with pro- surgeries and Johnny’s school problems the adult children would move into “a found mental retardation. and eventual ADHD diagnosis. group home with very understanding Along with caring for this very large and patient caregivers.” The Langfords relied heavily on the family, Teresa found time to work as a support of relatives, professionals, their Ellen and Ronald Springer volunteer more than 20 hours per week church, and each other. As they looked The Springers had been married for only for an organization that assists children ahead to their children’s transition to two years when they decided to adopt with special needs. She epitomizes the adulthood, they especially worried about the first of their two children with Down frequently repeated advice, “If you want their children’s ability to live indepen- syndrome. Ronald was 21 years older something done, ask the busiest person dently, as did 75 percent of these adoptive than Ellen, had been widowed, and had you know to do it.” families. They were worried, too, about two grown children when he and Ellen Positive experiences the lack of employment opportunities married. The Springers could These 123 families are different in for their children, a concern also voiced have had birth many ways, but they also share by 68 percent of the families interviewed. children, but they What these diverse many similarities. For wanted to help a Alice and Lawrence Gilbert families have in common example, their experi- child in need, and The Gilberts are an African-American is that their adoptive ences were mostly both had worked couple with two teenage biological experiences were positive. Only two of the with children who daughters when they adopted their son. mostly positive. 123 families experienced adop- had disabilities. The Gilberts were motivated by a desire tion disruptions or dissolutions in to have more children, and specifically to The couple adopted two young infants, the 17-year period we have studied help a needy child, a motive mentioned three years apart. When Ellen was inter- them. In the remaining families, mater- by 76 percent of the adoptive families in viewed just a year after the second adop- nal depression has generally been low, this sample. Their son, Eddie, was 7 tion, she reported that the adoptions and parental well-being has been high, years old when he was placed with them. had worked out better than expected. both for life as a whole and with respect He remained in special education classes She said that she and Ronald would to the adopted children. for children with mild to moderate men- definitely make the same decision to Of the 123 families, 95 percent indicated tal retardation throughout his schooling. adopt if they had it to do over again. At that they would adopt again if they had our last contact with the Springers, both Fifteen years after the placement, Eddie the chance. As one mother said, “I would of them were delighted with how things was still living at home and working at a definitely adopt again, no doubt about it. were going with the children. They were nearby center for adults with develop- To be able to love a child for who they thinking about the transition to adult- mental disabilities. Even though Alice are; to be able to challenge them and hood and saw independent living as an Gilbert described him as difficult to treat them as a normal person, this has option for both children. raise, she was mostly satisfied with how been my goal as an adoptive parent.” things were going with him. Teresa and Ben Carter This research was supported by Grant # Rose Jansen Of the 123 adoptive families we studied, 21993, NICHD. For more information, 44 percent had reared at least five children, Divorced, with custody of her three birth contact [email protected]. children, Rose had wanted to adopt since childhood when she was surrounded by BY THE NUMBERS continued from page F6 her family’s foster children. Her limited income (well below the median of $60,000 4.6 million for the 123 adoptive families in this The number of opposite-sex, unmarried-partner households in 2003. These households accounted for 4.2 percent of all households, up from 2.9 percent in 1996. sample) did not deter her from eventu- ally adopting four children, all with 2.57 developmental disabilities, including The average number of people per household in the United States. This has declined one with profound mental retardation from 3.14 people in 1970. and physical and sensory impairments. 25.3 The median age at first marriage for women in 2003. For men the median age was At last contact, one of these children, 27.1 years. In 1970, the median ages were 20.8 years and 23.2 years, respectively. now a young adult, was in a residential

Family Focus June 2005 F14 Family Focus On...

Multiple Meanings of Family The Infertile Couple as an Evolving Family by Constance H. Shapiro, Ph.D., Professor, Department of Human and Community Development, University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign, and Clinical Social Worker

“ o when are the two of you going their infertility came as friends and co-
Social comparison theory, which posits to begin your family?” This well- workers announced their pregnancies. that people measure themselves Sintentioned question, when asked of On Mother’s Day, their minister asked against others in order to evaluate an infertile couple, is a stinging reminder all mothers in the congregation to come themselves, is highly relevant in a that the fertile world does not regard a to the front of the church so they could pronatalist society where families with couple without children as a bona fide be given corsages. children are ever-present. family. Yet in the United States, one in 10 After two more years of trying unsuccess- Challenges couples of childbearing age is infertile. fully to conceive, Kim and Jack sought Evolving families whose future is still This is medically defined as trying for the help of a fertility clinic 100 miles unfolding face many challenges. These more than a year to become pregnant from their home. This was disruptive to include: without success, or being unable to carry their work schedules, and very few of the a pregnancy to term.
Privacy. Many couples make careful and procedures were covered by their insur- conscious decisions about whom they Infertile couples, surrounded by fertile ance. The diagnosis was not definitive will tell, and how much information siblings, friends, neighbors, and co- and, after four in vitro procedures, they they will provide. Secrecy can become workers, are tempted to define decided to pursue adoption. very important when donor sperm or themselves in terms of what They paid the prenatal eggs are used in helping the female to they are lacking as a family, Infertile couples costs of a young woman, conceive, since many families place a rather than by their strengths without children and two days after she premium on genetic ties. as an evolving family. are unique and delivered, the birthmother evolving families.
Loss. The losses of evolving families Case study decided not to place her can include issues of control (of time, Kim, 28, and Jack, 32, have child for adoption. Kim and of money, of predictability), of sexual been married for six years. They stopped Jack were devastated to lose their “almost spontaneity, of spiritual faith, and of practicing birth control four years ago. At ours” baby, and in the process of grieving confidence in one’s reproductive age 25, Kim experienced a miscarriage in that loss they reassessed the toll that the health. Feelings of loss also occur each her second trimester, and was hospital- last few years had taken. Ultimately they time the woman gets her period. Less ized briefly on the maternity ward of the decided that their relationship was at the tangible, but just as real, is the feeling local hospital, with a clear view of ec- core of their happiness, and that they did of loss of the fantasy baby that pro- static parents and nursing babies. After not need to view parenting as the only spective parents have nurtured in their the miscarriage, friends and family tried way to go forward in their lives together. hearts, when fertility treatments are to comfort her by telling her that the loss In spite of parent and in-law encourage- increasingly unsuccessful. The loss was “meant to be,” and that at least now ment to continue pursuing adoption, becomes even more concrete when she knew she could become pregnant. they decided to remain child-free. there is a miscarriage or when plans Kim and Jack referred to this pregnancy Theoretical frameworks for adoption are thwarted. as their “phantom baby.” During the The challenges faced by evolving families
Failure. The crushing sadness of next two years, Kim and Jack tried care- are best understood in the context of pursuing medical options without a fully to time their intercourse to her three perspectives: healthy pregnancy can cause individu- fertile days, which effectively turned
Family systems theory enables us to als to internalize feelings of failure, their lovemaking into baby-making. place the couple in the context of their which intensify each month, as they They cultivated the garden they had families of origin, as well as their ex- measure themselves against their more planted in memory of the baby they had tended families, to appreciate the fertile peers. lost. They shared their fantasies of the support and the stress that families
Peer support. It often becomes difficult baby they hoped to have, with Kim’s red offer their infertile members. hair and Jack’s musical talent. to socialize with family and friends
Mourning, as framed by Kubler-Ross, whose conversation gravitates to the Kim became increasingly depressed each allows the couple to define its losses time she got her period. Reminders of and to honor them. Evolving Family continued on page F16

Family Focus June 2005 F15 Family Focus On...

Multiple Meanings of Family When is a Grandparent Not a Grandparent? by Margaret Ward, Ph.D., CFLE, Retired Professor of Family Studies, Cambrian College, Sudbury, Ontario, Canada

y grandson has been placed Caleb’s adoption has brought home the where people often refer to the birth for adoption. “Caleb” was born need to consider not just the immediate parents as the “real parents,” and the Mafter an unplanned and late- triad of adoptive and birth parents and popular press publishes dramatic stories diagnosed pregnancy. It was immediately the adoptee. In fact, most discussions of of search and reunion. evident that he had fetal alcohol syn- the triad leave the birth father in the If adoption is fraught with ambiguity for drome. My son and Caleb’s mother had shadows. Extended family members are the triad, it is even more ambiguous for a stormy on-again, off-again relationship. even more invisible. extended family members of the Since she did not stop drinking, my Ambiguous loss birth parents. This ambiguity grandson was made a ward of the State. Extended family The most relevant results from the intersection of Then Caleb’s mother was murdered. members are invisible approach is Pauline dual tensions: the tension Because no one in the family was willing in most discussions Boss’s exploration of between the physical absence and able to take Caleb in, he was adopted. of adoption. ambiguous loss. This and psychological presence of the As an adoptive parent and educator, I concept has already been child and the tension between the was well aware of the professional litera- applied to adoption by Deborah Fravel legal realities and social expectations. ture on birth mothers, adoptees, and and her colleagues, who have looked at Even when grandparents have little or reunion issues. Now I tried to make “openness” as it is perceived by adoptive no contact with a grandchild, the child’s sense of our tragedy by searching both parents and birth mothers. psychological presence may still be an literature and online sites. But nothing Adoptive parenthood is itself ambiguous important part of their lives. In Caleb’s really addressed my situation. The adop- because the new parents must develop case, ambiguity about his place in the tion decision was made by a governmen- the belief that they are entitled to be the family existed from the beginning. He tal agency, and though I never met my parents of a child not born to them. was placed in foster care soon after birth grandson, I still am grieving his loss. They must do this in an environment and has spent most of his life outside the care of either birth parent. He has never EVOLVING FAMILY continued from page F15 been physically present in my life: he was placed in a foster home the day joys (or miseries) of parenthood. donor sperm, a before I was to meet him. This is the Many people grappling with infertility surrogate or a only grandchild I have never seen nor find it helpful to shift their peer group gestational mother, held. Yet I think of him more often than to include more childless couples or adoption or the I think of my other grandchildren. couples who are carefully attuned to decision to remain the feelings of the evolving family. child-free. Legal realities, social definitions The second area of ambiguity arises
Celebrations. Infertile individuals need The legacy of these from the tension between the legal to think carefully about how to mini- families may in- realities of adoption and social defini- mize their involvement in events where clude a phantom Constance H. tions of family ties and responsibilities. the joyfulness of fertile families may be baby, a fantasy Shapiro, Ph.D. Legally, the grandparent relationship painful. Such events include occasions baby or an “almost depends on the parent-child relationship. ranging from family holidays that ours” baby. However they resolve their When your child ceases to be your include infants and children, to baby infertility, it is critical to recognize that grandchild’s legal parent, you cease to showers for pregnant co-workers. infertile couples without children are be a grandparent. Socially, however, the unique and evolving families, both in their The couple as “family” child of one’s child is considered a part determined efforts to become parents, Infertile couples take more time than of the extended family, whether or not and in their wishes to be viewed as a their fertile peers to evolve into a family. there is contact. This perception prob- valid family unit if they decide to remain Often the family they become is very ably stems from the belief in the primacy child-free. different from their initial vision of having of biological relationships. birth children. Their family may be For more information, contact A Grandparent continued on page F17 created through use of donor eggs or [email protected].

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Multiple Meanings of Family Gay Men: Negotiating Procreative, Father, and Family Identities by Dana Berkowitz, M.A., Doctoral Student, Department of Sociology, University of Florida

ignificant segments of society like to raise a child. Men who wanted sexual orientation and that gay men be- devalue same-sex relationships, children were younger than those who come parents for the same reasons straight Swaging battles in the popular press, did not. Furthermore, research shows that people do. For gay men, becoming a father legislative forums, and courts in order to since the early to mid-1980s, the number involves social psychological processes prevent gay men and lesbians from hav- of gay men forming families through quite different from those experienced by ing the legal right to marry. Despite these adoption, foster parenting, and kinship their heterosexual counterparts. obstacles, gay men and lesbians relationships has risen Purposeful procreation have created families The number of gay dramatically. Clearly, Taylor, a shy college student, illustrates through adoption men forming families the social phenomenon how a gay man’s journey to fatherhood is and other artificial through adoption, foster of openly gay men at- much more purposeful than the sponta- means, and the defini- parenting, and kinship tempting to create fami- neous and even accidental process of tion of “the family” has relationships has lies is an emerging trend fatherhood for heterosexual men: changed dramatically over risen dramatically. that warrants attention. It’s not accidental … you gotta sit down, the last few decades to include Initial findings from discuss, plan, pick everything out. Like, such family forms. qualitative in-depth interviews with it’s kind of structured. It’s overly struc- Unfortunately, little is known about how openly gay childless men challenge and tured, [and] that kind of makes it more gay men subjectively experience the refine some previous researchers’ claims difficult, like, to actually make every reproductive realm and make decisions that the desire to parent is unrelated to Gay Men continued on page F18 in this area. In fact, no research to date has considered how gay men think about their ability to procreate or experience A GRANDPARENT continued from page F16 the transition to fatherhood. The English language has no words for These issues have both legal and social many “irregular” relationships. The closest ramifications. Consider, for example, the Challenges to traditional assumptions terms for those in my position are “birth child of same-sex parents who is denied The notion of gay fathers, or gay men who grandparent” or “biological grandparent.” access to the resources of the parent who want to be fathers, challenges traditional Yet these expressions are too limited. is not legally recognized. Or the child assumptions about gender, sexuality, Because my son is adopted, I am not my who has warm feelings for her former and families in two principle ways. First, son’s birth mother. That makes me only stepmother from an “ex-relationship.” because heterosexuality and parenthood partially Caleb’s birth grandmother. I believe that the best interests of every- are so inextricably intertwined in U.S. one involved, especially the children, This situation is further complicated by a society, the mere suggestion of gay demand the widest possible recognition lack of terminology and rituals to mark fatherhood appears strange, abnormal, of family links. and even impossible. Second, for many the loss of roles and relationships. people, parenting remains the natural When there are no words and no ritual, After Caleb was placed, his adoptive domain of women. In contemporary it is difficult to acknowledge one’s loss mother sent me some e-mails with photos America, fathers are often viewed as socially. The dilemma can be summarized and news about his progress. But once the secondary, rather than primary parents. in the question: “How can I care about adoption was finalized, I did not hear and for this grandchild who is not my from her again. I am sad for myself be- In a national poll of lesbian and gay cou- grandchild?” cause I have lost him a second time. I am ples, one-third of respondents younger Need for inclusive definitions also sad for the new family. They have lost than age 35 were either planning to have my experience as an adoptive parent and My story, and Caleb’s, may be unique to children or considering the idea. Another my love and support as Caleb’s some- us. But this story points to larger issues: smaller-scale study conducted among gay time grandmother. We are all the poorer. men in New York found that a majority How do we recognize and value impor- of gay men who were not fathers would tant relationships? How can we make For more information, contact our definitions of family more inclusive? [email protected].

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Multiple Meanings of Family In Their Own Words: Perspectives of Lesbian Mothers by Rebecca Pettit, Ph.D., Assistant Professor, Department of Teacher Education, Shippensburg University, Shippensburg, Pennsylvania

his is a portrait of three lesbian They attend parent teacher conferences, grown children make decisions about mothers, told in their own words. help children with homework, fix din- college, secretly wondering how they TLike most mothers, they get up in ner, and worry about orthodontia and will structure a new life without them. the morning and then spend the rest of drugs and how safe their neighborhoods On family their days engaged in a myriad of tasks are. They “rag” on their children when Mary, mother of 18-year-old Anna, sees designed to keep their children safe, report cards aren’t up to standard, work herself as a mother like any other: I have warm, and well cared for. and pay bills, and step back while their a lot in common with heterosexual mothers and not much in common with single people period. But she downplays the GAY MEN continued from page F17 importance of blood relationships: decision … because you have to structure on at school. What will the children tell the Everybody knows exactly when they got to it. There’s, if you’re just a gay man and neighbors and their teachers? What will America and what they did, who they mar- you’re not having sex with women, it’s they tell their friends? The truth is, kids ried and all this stuff …I’ve had it up to not going to happen. So, you, and if you and teachers can be really cruel. here with blood family versus non-blood family. I mean it’s like history is interesting decide you want children, you have to A different experience plan it. to us, but it’s not personal like it is to other Overall, the initial findings indicate that people and other families. Being socialized into a world that stereo- gay men experience procreation very types gay men as pedophiles adversely differently from their heterosexual coun- Beth, who has two preschool sons, affected how many of the men formed a terparts. For example, the gay men indi- describes her life this way: I go to work, prospective father identity. Luke, an cated that they must take into account I earn my wages, I go to the movies, I go Black man from New Zealand, explains: societal myths perpetuated by hetero- bowling. My expectations and goals and …when people see a single gay man with a sexist ideology and how these myths would relationships within my family are the kid, they think, you need to watch him… eventually affect both their own lives and same. It’s just that my orientation towards what is he doing with that child in there? the experiences of their future children. my partner is different. [Thinking] are you a pedophile? In addition, the gay men recognized the On father involvement Similarly, Aiden, a politically active college need for a great deal of structure and Beth, who was married to her childhood student, discusses how he was genuinely planning involved in becoming a father. sweetheart for 10 years, worries that she worried that society would look at him This included deciding how they should might lose custody of her sons because as someone who would want to father go about creating a family, whether they of her sexual orientation. As she says: I simply to raise a gay child: should do so alone or with a partner, and was not wanting to admit the reasons for whether they should be honest about the divorce because of the possibility of What if I do raise my kid to be gay, I mean, their sexual orientation during and after losing custody of my children. if I raise my kid as a gay man, would I the initial process. Men who participated She did disclose her sexual orientation raise them to be gay? And I just think in the study were well aware of both the to her husband a few months before the that there’s a lot of fears that society, you integral planning and the institutional divorce. He changed his mind regarding know, puts on, you know, um, like, the constraints that plagued their prospec- their original custody agreement, saying gay community having kids…They might tive fatherhood decision-making. that he wanted full custody. They turned actually want to replicate this kind of to divorce mediation. lifestyle because they think, you know, This rich and unique data gives research- that’s the gay way to be. ers and practitioners an opportunity to There was a really strong foundation for understand how gay men develop and working things out …and so even though Many men in the study also talked about express their procreative and father/ he was very bitter and angry, there was the difficulties their potential children family identities within a larger social/ that logical part of him that says I know I might face, such as discrimination, and cultural context that privileges hetero- can work this out with this person. Our teasing. Clark, a college student who was sexual parenting. mediator actually said she’d never dealt certain he wanted children in his future, with such a difficult subject where two speaks of his future child’s possible For more information, contact people have worked it out so well. experiences in school: …they’ll be picked [email protected]. Their Own Words continued on page F19 Family Focus June 2005 F18 Family Focus On...

Multiple Meanings of Family The Importance of Self-Awareness for Practitioners Working with Gay- and Lesbian-Headed Families by Mary S. Green and Markie Twist, Doctoral Students, Human Development and Family Studies, Iowa State University ow can family professionals One contemporary family form is that family—assumptions that have profound address the meaning of family? of committed partners. This can include effects on the healthy functioning of indi- HPerhaps the work should begin cohabitating heterosexual couples, child- viduals as well as the family as a whole. at home. Family researchers, therapists, free married couples, and gay and lesbian On an individual level, gays and lesbians and policy makers can begin by becom- partners. Gay- and lesbian-headed fami- are more likely to attempt suicide. This is ing aware of themselves as persons of lies continue to increase in the United especially true of gay or lesbian youth culture and paying attention to the biases States, with some researchers reporting who are 50 percent more likely to at- and prejudices that they bring to the up to 2 million lesbian mothers and gay tempt suicide. On a family level, gay and field of family studies. fathers of 14 million children. These lesbian partners are denied tax benefits Currently there is no single, widely families may include children from previ- and sometimes health insurance. They agreed-upon definition of family. The ous relationships, adopted children, or and their children may also have to deal historical definition of family has focused children conceived through the use of with the prejudice of those who do not on biological and legal ties that described reproductive technology. see them as a “real family.” The effect of common assumptions a group of people who lived together Common assumptions about what con- over an extended period of time. But this Recent controversy has centered on stitutes a family also have an effect on narrow definition of family no longer whether gay- and lesbian-headed families family research and policy. For example, encompasses the broad range of diverse should be defined as families. Much of a current marriage promotion program and complex relationships that comprise this controversy centers on common contemporary families. assumptions about what constitutes a Self-Awareness continued on page F20

THEIR OWN WORDS continued from page F18 However, there was an added statement it than the heterosexual household with being a lesbian they go all teenagers are in the decree. Beth explains: If at any money,” which is probably the truth, but embarrassed by their parents, but what I point he felt it would be in the best interest I don’t know for sure. see happening in other families of their of the boys to be out of this arrangement, he On relationships with children peers is a little different than what happens could initiate that action …through counsel- All three mothers recognize the potential in my family. It’s like I bend to their ing, evaluations of the children, and both of for their children’s discomfort or embar- embarrassment and other parents don’t. us agreeing. rassment about being raised in a And that validates their embarrassment and says to them, yeah there is Mary’s former husband is not involved lesbian household. Beth won- something wrong with my mom. with their daughter. She explains that ders how her children will “I have a lot in he and she never really agreed about handle this: common and not But Mary says her 18-year- much in common parenting styles: We had different up- You know right now old daughter accepts her with single people...” bringings. I’d lived with “Father Knows they say, “I’m never going relationship with her Best,” and I knew it was really terrible, so to leave you mom.” Yet I know partner: Anna always yeah, we’ve always disagreed. that when they get to be 10 or 12 I’m sure refers to us as her parents. She introduces me as, “This is my mom Mary and this is Amy’s 15-year old-son lived with his the answer to that question will be differ- Jean, my parents.” And we didn’t coach father for several months a few years ago. ent when there’s more peer involvement her. That’s just what she came up with. During a scheduled visit, he begged his and other issues and more propaganda mother to let him stay with her. Says Amy: that will make it more difficult for them. Mary has worked hard to raise a “socially responsible human being.” She is sensi- There’s something that my 15-year-old Amy thinks that the embarrassment her tive to the way her daughter views herself son gets in my household that he doesn’t sons feel goes beyond “normal” teenage embarrassment: and other people: There’s negative ways to get in the straight household. I tease him refer (to heterosexuals), but I’ve always been about it and say, “Oh, well, you prefer to What a lot of people say to me when I say live in the lesbian household with love in that my kids are embarrassed by me Their Own Words continued on page F20

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Multiple Meanings of Family

SELF-AWARENESS continued from page F19 designed to help couples develop the A lack of comfort in working with a interpersonal skills needed for healthy diverse population may result in sexual marriages is designed for heterosexual prejudice. Sexual prejudice is defined as couples only. And many states are negative attitudes based on sexual orien- currently considering bills that would tation. These attitudes can lead to unin- permanently ban same-sex couples tentional antigay behaviors. from marrying. Antigay behaviors Negotiating cultural differences Sexual prejudice may be rooted in discom- Researchers and mental health profes- fort with one’s own sexual impulses or the Mary S. Green, Markie Twist, sionals working with families are influ- expectation of gender conformity. Sexual Doctoral Student Doctoral Student enced by these assumptions, and this can prejudice can also reflect the influence of be reflected in their work. Currently, many current in-group norms. Additional homosexual features in oneself and practitioners and training institutions are societal factors like region of residence, homosexuality in other persons. Sexual challenging their colleagues to think social class, religion, and ethnicity may prejudice, homonegativity, and internal- outside of the traditional and familiar also be associated with homonegativity ized homophobia can influence the work heterosexist constructions of family life. and internalized homophobia. of researchers and therapists. This requires the ability to accept and A professional obligation negotiate different cultural worlds. Family Homonegativity is a more neutral term than homophobia. Homonegativity in- Researchers and therapists have a profes- professionals who can function in differ- sional obligation and responsibility to ent cultures will be more comfortable— cludes the entire realm of negative atti- tudes towards homosexuality. Internal- become aware of their own cultural beliefs and more effective—when coming into and how those beliefs impact their work. contact and working with someone from ized homophobia can be defined as a set of negative affects and attitudes toward Because research or therapeutic protocols a different background. are frequently based on norms of the dominant culture, which include THEIR OWN WORDS continued from page F19 heterosexist ideals, family researchers and family therapists must maintain a sensitive to that because I was raising a child you just show up as if you’re a single vigilant self-awareness when working that I didn’t necessarily expect to be one way parent or do you show up as a couple and with gay- and lesbian-headed families. or another. . . I really didn’t ever encourage then risk that that individual teacher or people around me with prejudicial attitudes the institution as a whole is going to Researcher bias can influence how re- and I’ve never given Anna a hint of what discriminate against your baby because search is conducted, what information is my sexual expectations for her were. they live in a lesbian household? gathered, and what results are reported. In a therapeutic setting, the cultures of Mary once overheard her daughter telling But Mary refuses to hide her sexual the therapist and client have reciprocal her boyfriend that he was “dispensable.” orientation: I think it’s funny when people influence, although the therapist is in a When confronted, Anna said that she had try to live in a closet because I think it’s so position of power. Homophobic preju- heard her mother say that. But Mary told damn obvious. And I think it’s very confus- dice on the part of the therapist can her daughter: There’s no way you’re going ing to the children. influence therapeutic outcomes. to put this one on me. That is you. I don’t A family is a family is a family think of people as dispensable just because Our educational institutions can increase All three women agree that families are they’re male. They may be dispensable sensitivity and decrease heterosexism by defined by the love and commitment of because they’re boring. Male, no. We don’t adding culturally diverse components to the members. As Beth puts it: trash men. I’ve never allowed trashing their training programs. Courses could be males in the house. We’re similar to other families in terms of enhanced by encouraging students’ self- our internal structure in that there are awareness in a variety of areas, including, On acceptance in society children and parents who love and care for example, ethnicity and sexuality. Acceptance and rejection are themes that for each other and are committed to each run through all the interviews. Beth asks: The field of family studies will continue other. So the next question might be how Do we or don’t we qualify as a family? You to deal with fundamental questions we are different and that’s more the know, family passes or going to Florida, two about what constitutes a family and how external life of a family. My expectations adults, two children, health insurance benefits, family units and individual family mem- and goals and my relationships within my and getting emergency care for the children. bers are influenced by family policy. family are the same. The difference is the Personal and professional self-awareness Amy worries about whether she can “go overall picture of that outside world is essential in this endeavor. public”: accepting us as a family. For more information, contact If I’m going to a parent teacher confer- For more information, contact [email protected]. ence do I bring my partner or not? Do [email protected].

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Multiple Meanings of Family Raising the Grandkids by James P. Coyle, MSW, Ph.D. Candidate, University at Buffalo lice was overwhelmed. She had mentation requirements, long lines or for Robbie, but she did not believe her difficulty sleeping and was often waiting periods, inflexible rules, and daughter’s assertions that she no longer A angry. She was busier than she denial of benefits. took drugs. She finally demanded legal expected to be at age 57. Her 7-year-old guardianship of Robbie when Sandra was They may need to move because their grandson Robbie had been living with hospitalized for a drug overdose. Sandra home or apartment is cramped, subsi- her for three years now, although at the was very angry with her, but agreed. dized, or age-restricted. Increased beginning, he sometimes stayed with his physical demands can exacerbate health When Charlie told Alice that he wanted to mother. Alice put an end to that when problems, and unfamiliar school or social leave Amanda with her, she insisted that she telephoned her daughter, and Robbie expectations can also pose difficulties. he make her Amanda’s legal guardian. answered the phone in tears. He couldn’t Alice’s situation exemplified many of wake up his mother because she had Alice also worried about money. Amanda these needs. taken too many drugs. had a number of health problems, and Challenges of raising grandchildren although Alice’s health insurance cov- The household got even more chaotic Back problems, headaches, and high ered Amanda, the medical copays were when 2-year-old Amanda arrived three blood pressure brought Alice to her substantial. Alice and her husband had months ago. Alice’s son Charlie agreed doctor who referred also paid for Sandra’s drug rehab to take care of his daughter after she had her for counseling. and had regularly purchased food been shuttled around from mother to Grandparents Alice reported for her. It helped that Frank was maternal grandmother to aunt and even raising grandchildren that caring for still working in a good job, but lived a short time in a foster home. face unique challenges. Amanda gave sometimes money was tight. Amanda’s mother was 20-years old and her no time for did not want to be burdened with a child. Helping grandparents herself, and that she felt uncertain about Charlie was living with Alice and was Alice reported a major benefit of counsel- her parenting abilities. underemployed, delivering pizzas, but a ing was an opportunity to voice her week ago he moved downstate to work In addition, Robbie was a very active feelings and receive emotional support. in a friend’s restaurant business, leaving child, who was often demanding or She was relieved to hear that feeling over- Amanda with Alice. angry, particularly if she was taking care whelmed and conflicted was normal. She of Amanda, whom Robbie resented. He was also able to use counseling advice to Although Alice loved her grandchildren was also getting into fights at school, and improve her parenting and coping skills. and wanted to care for them, it was diffi- Alice did not know how to address his cult for her to keep up with them. She Alice needed help accepting her own angry outbursts. When she talked to had only minimal support from her physical limitations and need for respite. school personnel, they appeared to judge husband Frank, who often complained She was able to arrange part-time child Robbie as a hopeless case due to his that Alice wasn’t strict enough with the care for Amanda. She also asked her mother’s drug abuse and neglect, and children. He didn’t like it when they oldest son Michael, who lived nearby, to sometimes Alice wondered whether they were loud and ran around the house. spend regular, recreational time with were right. She also questioned whether Alice wasn’t sure what to do. Robbie, which decreased some of her adult children’s substance abuse and Robbie’s resentment toward Amanda. Grandparents as parents employment problems meant that she Many grandparents have become primary was not a good parent. Alice also learned to be more assertive parents for their grandchildren due to their with her husband, children, and grand- Alice did have guardianship of both children’s mental health or substance children. She asked her husband for children, which allowed her to include abuse problems, incarceration, child mal- more emotional support, and they were them on the family’s health insurance. treatment, teenage pregnancy, unemploy- able to negotiate reasonable, age-appro- Initially, she had simply taken care of ment, or chronic illness. This role presents priate rules for the grandchildren. With Robbie and asked his mother, her unique challenges. Custody or guardian- encouragement and guidance, she was daughter Sandra, to arrange for medical ship issues, financial troubles, and feeling able to enforce consequences for her care and sign school forms. But some- caught between their children and grandchildren’s misbehavior, instead of times she could not locate Sandra, and grandchildren are prominent concerns. asking herself what she was doing wrong. she became worried when Sandra talked Grandparents are often isolated from about taking Robbie back. She was able to set limits to her daughter’s peers whose lifestyles no longer include haphazard visits or telephone contacts Alice hoped that Sandra would overcome child rearing. They may have difficulty with Robbie, and she defined the her drug addiction and be a good mother accessing services due to extensive docu- Raising Grandkids continued on page F22

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Multiple Meanings of Family How Legal and Policy Issues Affect Grandparent-Headed Families by Margaret M. Robinson, Ph.D., Associate Professor and Director, BSW Program, School of Social Work, University of Georgia ccording to national statistics, there of raising their grandchildren and finding Two years ago, Sam was dually diagnosed are over 6 million grandchildren the best care for them are overwhelming. with Asberger’s syndrome and bipolar in grandparent-headed house- disorder. Even though he takes medica- A In addition to the multitude of feelings holds. This number has increased three- tion, he still experiences significant emo- grandparents confront when they are fold in the last 30 years and shows no tional cycles and behavioral problems. faced with the prospect of raising a sign of decreasing. Research on grand- He also has great difficulty in school. grandchild, they must also deal with a parent-headed households is beginning system that is not designed to address For one year, Sam was in a special school to provide us with an understanding of the needs of their family. where he did very well. Then the county the issues that the grandparents in these decided that he no longer “skipped-generation households” face. Sam’s story needed the placement. He Mr. and Mrs. Thomas Grandparent caregivers These include health, legal, and emotional must deal with a system was subsequently main- challenges. And neither practice guide- are both in their late streamed in a special edu- 60s. Mr. Thomas that is not designed to lines nor policy regulations have caught address their needs. cation classroom that is not up with the concerns of these families. uses a wheelchair and equipped to handle a child has multiple health prob- Overwhelming challenges with his difficulties. As a result, lems. The Thomases took in their grand- he either “loses it” at school or at home For the past eight years, I have been the son when he was 8 years old. with his grandmother and grandfather. Principal Investigator on a project that offers services to grandparents raising Sam had been living with his father, When Sam “loses it,” he becomes disrup- their grandchildren. We employ a multi- stepmom, and three half-siblings since tive and violent. He is a big, strong child dimensional approach to intervention, he was 2 years old. His home situation and his grandparents have difficulty using a practice model that incorporates was incredibly tough, and Sam was often restraining him. As a result, his presence social work, nursing, and legal aid to the brunt of anger from both the father in the home has become dangerous for provide a wide range of services. We also and stepmom. He was made to wear the grandparents. Even so, they remain offer monthly support groups for both girl’s clothing, denied any toys or pre- committed to him. sents sent by his grandparents, and grandparents and grandchildren. Limited resources frequently left alone for hours in a closet. One goal of the project is to help grand- Grandparents such as the Thomases parents stay healthy, both physically and Repeated attempts by his grandparents often have difficulty finding resources mentally, so that they can continue to to get custody of Sam failed. Finally, after for troubled grandchildren. Part of this provide care for their grandchildren. the stepmom’s third attempt at suicide, difficulty stems from the fact that to There are obvious physical challenges to Sam’s father agreed to let the Thomases access state and local resources and growing older, but for many caregiving keep Sam. They filed for adoption. But services, the grandparent must have grandparents, the emotional challenges their trials had only begun. legal custody of the grandchild. But many grandchildren live with their grandparents in an informal arrangement, RAISING GRANDKIDS continued from page F21 without formal placement through the behaviors that she would require before families themselves. foster care system. As a result, they are she would agree to allow Sandra or Human services not eligible for Temporary Aid to Needy Charlie to regain custody of their children. professionals can Families (TANF), Medicaid, or other She also arranged counseling for Robbie, best help these government programs. In fact, many which helped him with abandonment families when they counties prefer these informal kinship fears and anger. These actions reduced understand these arrangements because they reduce the her tension and allowed Alice to better needs and the inter- number of children on the welfare rolls. enjoy the special relationship that she disciplinary inter- As a result, grandparents are often unsure had with her grandchildren. ventions required to James P. Coyle, of the benefits for which their grandchil- meet them. Families composed of grandparents and MSW, Ph.D. dren might be eligible, like subsidized grandchildren have distinct needs that For more information, contact Grandparent-Headed Families continued are often unrecognized, even by the [email protected]. on page F23

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Multiple Meanings of Family Establishing the Legal Standing of Grandparent Caregivers by Laura Landry-Meyer, Ph.D., CFLE, Assistant Professor, Human Development and Family Studies, Bowling Green State University

olicymakers are often very vocal Family policy tends to focus on the bio- though they know that these are their about family preservation and logical connection and the immediate grandma and grandpa. Why? These Pfamily values. Yet current policy family structure of mother, father, and child, children feel the pressure to adhere to often precludes family members from rather than taking a role-based perspective. the idealized American version of the maintaining critical family connections. According to Census family. As the grandmother Grandparents, for instance, typically do 2000, 2.4 million 2.4 million “grandparent of a 9-year-old explained: I not have legal standing to advocate for “grandparent caregivers” have primary live in a neighborhood with visitation or guardianship and are treated caregivers” have responsibility for co-resident the most normal families I as strangers in the courtroom. Yet in an era primary responsi- grandchildren younger have ever run into. They of increased life expectancy, grandparents bility for co-resident than 18. have two sets of grandpar- have more time with their grandchildren grandchildren younger than ents that come and visit, and can be a vital family connection. 18. Nationwide this means that and they visit them. Each of the Grandparents who are raising grandchil- more than 6 million children, or 1 in 12, families have a father and a mother. Ozzie dren play a primary parent role. Often live in households headed by grandpar- and Harriet neighborhood or something. It’s they are raising their grandchildren to ents or other relatives. nice that it’s so solid and family-oriented, but it’s hard on my granddaughter because preserve the family. But family preserva- Children cared for by grandparents often tion programs within the current social she sees the daddy and the grandparents, try to fit the idealized American family and she misses that. It’s hard. service paradigm often do not recognize image. Many grandchildren call their the important role of these grandparents. grandparents “mom and dad,” even Caregivers continued on page F24

GRANDPARENT-HEADED FAMILIES continued from page F22 adoption. In addition, grandparents may Even when grandparents obtain permis- designed for chil- fear that, because of their age, their grand- sion from both biological parents, adop- dren such as Sam, child might be taken away from them if tions can cost in the thousands of dollars. but many parents they contact the welfare department to Many grandchildren are eligible for and grandparents inquire about these benefits. This situa- subsidized adoptions, but without con- are unfamiliar with tion can prevent grandchildren from nection to an agency, grandparents are its provisions. receiving the medical or mental health unaware of the process and possibility. In Without help from care they need. When this happens, both addition, once the adoption is complete, projects such as grandparent and grandchild suffer. the grandparents’ limited retirement ours, grandparents Margaret M. Robinson, Ph.D. The difficulties of adoption income may reduce the number of like the Thomases resources available for the grandchild. may never learn that The availability of services also depends Health insurance is also problematic. they can advocate for special education on whether grandparents have legal Unless the grandparent is still working, services for their grandchild. custody of the children or have legally health insurance may be unattainable. adopted them. We encourage grandpar- Despite the wealth of research on ents to adopt because adoption provides This is situation in which the Thomases grandparent caregivers, we still have not the most stability for the children. But now find themselves. With help from recognized the impact of the children’s adoption also has a downside: once our program, they were able to legally multiple needs on their caregivers and grandchildren are adopted, they are adopt Sam. But he receives no TANF or the importance of informing grandpar- eligible for fewer services. Medicaid. His grandparents live on ents about available services. Above all, Social Security and disability income. we must take a good look at how public Obtaining custody or legally adopting a policy affects these families. Only when child is expensive and often very difficult. Needed: More policy research we fill this research void can we begin to Grandparents often have difficulty The Thomases needed a crash course in develop policies that will better address obtaining permission from the child’s available resources and the laws that their needs. biological parents. In Sam’s case, it took govern them. For example, Public Law his grandparents six years. During this 94142, better known as the Individuals For more information, contact time he suffered irreparable damage. with Disabilities Education Act (IDEA), was [email protected].

Family Focus June 2005 F23 Family Focus On...

Multiple Meanings of Family Parental Stress Among Rural Grandparents Raising Grandchildren by Annie Conway, M.S., Program Coordinator, Grandparents Raising Grandchildren Project; Bethany Letiecq, Ph.D., Assistant Professor, Health and Human Development; and Sandra J. Bailey, Ph.D., CFLE, Human Development Specialist, Montana State University

n the United States, the number of configuration. Such families are increasing Multiple stressors grandparent headed households has in rural as well as urban areas. Researchers and practitioners have been increasing dramatically in recent also begun to identify the multiple I Researchers have begun to explore the years. In 2000, close to 6 million children stressors that the grandparents encounter, meanings these “second-time-around” were reported to live in households with including “on time” stressors, such as caregivers ascribe to their familial experi- their grandparents, which represents a health problems. Stressors specific to the ences and have noted the myriad factors 29.7 percent increase since 1990. While surrogate-parenting role may include surrounding grandparent caregiving (for grandparent involvement in raising controlling a child’s behavior problems, grandchildren is not new, grandparents example, child abuse, neglect, parental managing the special needs of grand- serving as primary caregivers to their substance abuse, chronic illness, military children, balancing work and parenting deployment, incarceration of parents). grandchildren form a fast-growing family Rural Grandparents continued on page F32

CAREGIVERS continued from page F23 Recognition for kinship caregivers competitive grants to agencies with experi- Based on empirical In Ohio, a combination of grassroots ence in connecting kinship care-givers with data and grassroots advocacy and policy-level work has re- social services. In addition to the kinship advocacy, Ohio sulted in legal recognition for nontradi- navigator assistance, the Act would have passed House Bill tional families. In 1998, for example, a established a kinship guardian assistance 130 which created state task force issued recommendations program and ensured notice to relatives the notarized affida- that recognized role-based family models, when children enter the foster care sys- vit of guardianship. including grandparents raising grand- tem. The law became children. These recommendations, sup- Affidavit of guardianship effective in July Laura Landry- ported by statewide empirical data, were For kinship caregivers, the biggest 2004. The notarized Meyer, Ph.D., CFLE the catalyst for statewide reform. barrier to effective parenting is the lack affidavit offers a family-friendly, cost-effective approach Here’s another example: In 1999, the of parental authority. Kinship caregivers for kinship caregivers. It is anticipated Ohio legislature recommended funding often do not enjoy the benefits of legal that with wide-spread distribution of the for county kinship navigator positions. guardianship. This means that they are forms via the Internet, many grandpar- Kinship navigators help extended family often barred from making decisions ents will access and utilize the affidavit. members who are serving as parents about fundamental aspects of the child’s navigate the child welfare system and life like school enrollment and emer- Such grassroots advocacy and policy- receive services. The program served over gency medical care. Sometimes kinship level changes are essential if we are to 3,700 families with over 5,700 children caregivers are not even invited to parent- reshape our ideas about the meaning of from October 2001 through March 2002. teacher conferences. “family.” While reunification with the biological parent is the most frequently Kinship navigators were recently incor- Many family professionals ask why stated goal in child welfare, attempts porated into a nationwide model sup- grandparents don’t petition the courts to should be made to re-define family to porting kinship care. In July 2004, Sena- receive guardianship. The answer from balance the continuity of family-based tors Hillary Rodham Clinton (D-NY) and many kinship caregivers is simple: their relationships. Grandchildren living with Olympia Snowe (R-ME) joined by Tho- goal is family preservation. Petitioning for grandparents reside within a biological mas Daschle (D-SD) introduced The guardianship means asking the court to family with whom they have cultural and Kinship Caregiver Support Act (S. 2706) declare their child an unfit parent and familial connections. As one grandmother to provide assistance to the growing perhaps severing the relationship with explained: That’s my child. I don’t mean number of children being raised by their grandchild’s parent. Instead the my child. I mean that’s part of me. That’s grandparents and other relatives. kinship caregiver’s purpose is to support and preserve the family so that the parent my family. The Act proposed that the Department may eventually return to the primary For more information, please contact of Health and Human Services award parenting role. [email protected]. Family Focus June 2005 F24 Family Focus On...

Multiple Meanings of Family The Role of Very Old Grandparents by Annie Rivers, M.S., Family and Child Studies

ccording to Census 2000, about Some 670,000 children live in homes nal study of 123 white and 122 African 6 million children, or 6 percent of headed by a grandmother. The average American grandparents, aged 85 and A all children in the United States, income for these households is $19,750, older. All were mentally competent and live in households with their grandparents. which puts them at the poverty level. none were institutionalized. Sample Of these children, 42 percent are white, Grandparents under age 60 were more information was collected for both groups 36 percent are African American, 17 likely to be responsible for their grand- from voting records, and the snowballing percent are Hispanic, and 5 percent are children than those over 60. But 55 percent technique was used to locate participants. Asian or Pacific Islander or American of grandparent caregivers over age 60 Local health records were also used to Indian or Alaska Native. had cared for their grandchildren for five locate blacks 85 and older because of their small numbers in the population. Some 2.4 million families are headed by years or longer. Census 2000 also found grandparents caring for one or more of that almost 25,000 individuals 80 years of Participants were interviewed in their their grandchildren. Of these households, age or older are grandparent caregivers. homes for two to three hours. African 1.3 million have both grandparents; one Very old grandparents American participants were interviewed million have only a grandmother; and To learn more about the challenges faced over a six-year period and at 14- to 15- 150,000 have only a grandfather. House- by very old grandparents, including month intervals. Information was gath- holds headed by grandfathers are less likely grandparent caregivers, the Ohio State ered about the participants’ behaviors to be poor those headed by grandmothers. Extension Senior Series did a longitudi- Very Old Grandparents continued on page F27 The Impact of HIV/AIDS on Family Structure in Kenya: New Roles for Grandparents by Dorothy Rombo Odero, Doctoral Student, Department of Family Social Science, University of Minnesota; and JaneRose Njue, Doctoral Candidate, Department of Human Development and Family Studies, Iowa State University

IDS was first reported in Kenya in When life expectancy is reduced from 65 Redirecting family resources the early 1980s. Since then the to 49 years, this translates into direct Family processes and functions change A virus has ravaged villages, homes, losses to families. Families measure the from the time HIV/AIDS is diagnosed to and families leading to tremendous epidemic in terms of uncles, aunts, death of the infected person. The onset of losses. Trends indicate that the annual parents, grandparents, sons, and daughters the ailment redirects family resources to number of AIDS deaths is still rising they have lost. emotional and physical support, as well steeply and has doubled over the past six as medical care. The roles played by The majority of In Kenya, many years to about 150,000 deaths per year. both the sick person and other family new infections AIDS orphans members are jeopardized as partners New infections, however, may be dropping occur among youth, are raised by and relatives become caregivers. to around 80,000 each year. According to especially young women grandparents. the 2003 Kenya Demographic health aged 15-24 and young It becomes increasingly difficult survey, the adult prevalence of HIV/AIDS men under the age of 30. to be a parent, a spouse, and a is 7 percent. This indicates reduced According to the United Nations, HIV provider when one begins to ail and prevalence compared to the earlier years: infection among adults in urban areas progresses into full-blown AIDS. When for example, the United Nations reported (10 percent) is almost twice as high as in the wife falls ill before her husband, the a prevalence of 13.6 percent in 1997. rural areas (5 to 6 percent). UNICEF family disintegrates prematurely because estimates that by 2010, there will be 1.5 men rarely take up the caregiving role. But these demographic changes are million orphans due to AIDS. meaningless to families affected by HIV. New Roles continued on page F27

Family Focus June 2005 F25 Family Focus On...

Multiple Meanings of Family Family Innovation: Heterosexual Licensed Domestic Partners by Marion C. Willetts, Ph.D., Assistant Professor of Sociology, Illinois State University

lthough same-sex marriage legis- if they either marry legally or dissolve and indeterminate (partners are not lation has captured the media their relationship. identified by gender; opposite-sex and spotlight recently, opposite-sex same-sex couples are included on the A After paying a small fee, the partners are couples also are pursuing new methods same list). From a total of 34,248 couples, defined as licensed, although both part- of legitimizing their intimate unions. approximately 2,765 opposite-sex couples ners are still considered to be legally single. were identified. We then searched the Increasingly, many heterosexual cohabit- Personal reasons ing couples choose to delay legal marriage Internet for the telephone numbers of I conducted exploratory interviews with or opt out of it altogether by becoming these couples and found approximately heterosexual licensed partners to discover licensed domestic partners. Both oppo- 700 listed phone numbers. why they chose to become licensed part- site-sex and same-sex cohabiting couples ners rather than to get We are currently con- are eligible to become licensed domestic married. I found that ducting telephone partners if they live in a city, county, or Challenges to the cultural many couples be- interviews with state with a Domestic Partnership Ordi- primacy of legal marriage would came partners for a partner in nance. Such ordinances have been imple- affect not only opposite-sex couples, economic reasons, each couple, mented over the last 20 years in 55 cities, but also same-sex couples, as such as eligibility for assessing various nine counties, and the states of California, well as the children of both. health insurance, and dimensions of their Hawaii, Maine, and New Jersey. planned eventually to marry. union such as their Same-sex couples are eligible to become relationship satisfaction, perceptions of A smaller number of couples became licensed partners in all of these jurisdic- equity regarding the division of house- licensed partners because they rejected tions. But opposite-sex couples may hold labor, the frequency of positive legal marriage as a patriarchal institution. become licensed in only 50 cities, six interaction and conflict, and perceptions Others wanted to support a form of counties, and the states of California (if of relationship stability. Once the tele- legitimate union that included same-sex at least one partner is over the age of 62 phone interviews are complete, the relationships. and meets the eligibility requirements for data will be merged with a national data old age benefits under the Social Security Further research set of legally married respondents for Act), Maine, and New Jersey (if both I am currently constructing a national data comparative purposes. partners are 62 years of age or older). set of opposite-sex licensed domestic Public policy implications partners. As a first step, I have requested Legal rationale and requirements This research and other work on cou- a list of all licensed partners and their The rationale behind the exclusion of pling innovation may help us understand addresses from the secretaries of the opposite-sex couples in some jurisdictions the extent to which such family forms states of California, Maine, and New is that the ordinances were designed to will continue to challenge legal marriage Jersey as well as the clerk’s offices of recognize the relationships only of those as the preferred method of coupling nearly all of the cities and counties that legally barred from marrying. among heterosexuals. For example, if offer licensed domestic partnerships to compared to legally married couples, All ordinances requires that the partners opposite-sex couples. licensed cohabitors enjoy similar or be two financially interdependent adults Twenty-seven cities, two counties, and higher levels of union quality—one of the who live together and share an intimate the State of California thus far have com- benefits of an intimate, committed rela- bond, but are not related to each other in plied. Several jurisdictions are currently tionship—without suffering the costs of the traditional sense of blood or law. The reviewing my request. Others do not legal marriage, such as financial responsi- partners typically must complete an maintain a registry, consider this infor- bility to one’s partner or expensive and affidavit stating that: mation confidential and will not release time-consuming costs of dissolution,
They are not already biologically or it, or charge exorbitant fees, making it then legal marriage may become one of legally related to each other. impossible to include the data. several “lifestyle choices.”
They are not married to someone else. As the lists of partners were received, my Such a change would have far-reaching
They agree to be mutually responsible assistants and I assigned each couple to implications for public policy. This is for each other’s well-being. one of three categories on the basis of because challenges to the cultural primacy
They will notify the city/county/state their first names: opposite-sex, same-sex, Domestic Partners continued on page F27

Family Focus June 2005 F26 Family Focus On...

Multiple Meanings of Family

NEW ROLES continued from page F25 Sometimes ailing women are relocated up in orphanages, while others end up The presence of back to their parents’ homes to get care as homeless street children. grandchildren in the that they need, and at times their children “Third/first” generation families household also accompany them. The death of either means that grand- Many orphans are raised by grandparents, spouse changes the family structure and parents have fewer resulting in the formation of “third/first” impacts families over generations. personal resources generation households. These households to meet their own Family genealogies have taken trajectories are unique because they differ from the heathcare needs. As that were never the norm. Certain families traditional arrangements of orphan care a result, the health Dorothy Rombo are completely wiped out (especially and life-cycle patterns. Traditionally status of many elders Odero, Doctoral those formed through common-law older children take care of the elderly, is reduced. Despite Student marriages) even before the government but AIDS has changed this norm. this reality, it is estimated that more than registers them. Such families might have Orphans must often relocate from cities to 5 million grandparents are taking care of children born with the infection who die the rural areas where their grandparents their AIDS orphaned grandchildren in before their parents do. have been living. Both children and grand- sub-Saharan Africa. As AIDS has reduced life expectancy and parents have to learn to be bicultural as Policy implications increased number of orphans, families they struggle with language differences. The proliferation of “third/first genera- have attempted to adapt through social, The children have to adjust to rural food, tion” families underscores the need to economic, and physical transformations. housing, recreational activities, and revisit the Kenya’s Children’s Act of These include early marriages, child- friends. The grandparents, on the other 2001. When the act advocates parental headed households, and extended kinship hand, have to adjust to parenting afresh. responsibility for the child, the assump- orphan support. Kenya is among the poorer countries of tion is that the parents are able and have Some orphans marry early in a bid to the world, and the return to child rearing the interest to meet these obligations. create a homelike situation in which to affects elders negatively. For example, in Since so many grandparents have taken raise their siblings. This is likely to be rural Kenya where the majority of elders over parental responsibilities, it is essen- the case with first-born children. Other live, the doctor/patient ratio is 1 to 33,000. tial for the law to address issues that make children opt just to raise their siblings This means that heathcare resources must elders vulnerable: limited availability of with or without support from kin, form- stretch to meet the needs of both elders resources, the generation gap, and related ing a “one generation” household. Some and their grandchildren. And when cultural differences. The elderly should orphans rotate from one relative to resources have to be stretched, the elderly not have to compete for resources with another to spread the costs. Some end compete poorly with everybody else. other age groups. Instead elders should receive the same priority as the children. VERY OLD GRANDPARENTS continued from page F25 No matter what its form, the family is and those of family members and how substance abuse, parents in prison, aban- crucial for the development of children they evaluated expectations of family donment, AIDS and child abuse. and even when the family structure devi- relations. Competency was established Elderly black women as grandparents ates from the norm, it is in the interest of through questions that confirmed the Data from the Ohio State Extension the government and any service providers participants’ age, date, address, and Senior Series was also used to study the to help families nurture their children. telephone number. grandparent role of 96 black women For more information, contact Caregiving challenges aged 85 or older. Researchers also exam- [email protected] or [email protected]. The study found that elderly grandparents ined the factors that contribute to close- who suddenly found themselves in the ness between these very old grandpar- position of being parents again needed ents and their grandchildren. DOMESTIC PARTNERS outside help with the added continued from page F26 Researchers found responsibility. They that constraints such of legal marriage needed help in un- Almost 25,000 individuals as physical limitations, would affect not derstanding child 80 years of age or older social programs like social only opposite-sex developmental needs are grandparent security, and age segregation and assistance in dealing caregivers. couples, but also impeded intergenerational with the education, emotional, same-sex couples, relations. Nevertheless, grandmothers medical, and legal issues. They also as well as the chil- received emotional rewards from caring needed financial assistance. dren of both. for their grandchildren. These grandparents found themselves in For information, For more information, contact the position of parenting because of family contact [email protected]. Marion C. Willetts, crises like teen pregnancy, death, divorce, [email protected]. Ph.D. Family Focus June 2005 F27 Family Focus On...

Multiple Meanings of Family Co-Custody May Have Unintended Results by Lynn Comerford, Ph.D., Assistant Professor, Department of Human Development & Women’s Studies, California State University, East Bay (formerly Hayward)

few years ago I began a research Gendered and unequal children while decreasing child support project that involved spending But in practice, gendered parents are rarely payments. And although it may decrease A my days in California family indistinguishable from one another. the discretionary work of judges, it also courts as a nonparticipant observer taking Research studies show clearly that child increases the work of court-appointed notes on the state’s role in contested care, earnings, and household labor re- mediators. But perhaps most important, child custody cases. From prior research, main gendered and unequal. It is also custody may be reduced to the mere legal I knew that in the United States, fathers usually the case that mothers do more control of children because by assigning had controlled the custody of their chil- child care for children than fathers, moth- power to fathers, co-custody reinforces dren until the mid-19th century. Between ers earn lower wages than fathers (even patriarchal power in the family. 1880 and 1925, the language of judicial when controlling for education and work I have discovered that most child custody decisions shifted from calling upon God, experience), and mothers do more house- decisions are made during mediation ses- Nature, and Reason to support paternal hold work than fathers. sions. Family custody to favoring maternal custody of Nevertheless, I witnessed Equal legal and physical child mediators children of “tender years.” During the parents in contested child custody policy treats both parents in California 1990s, another shift occurred as most custody cases enter family in the same way even though are trained states adopted shared parenting statutes, court as individuals with they are situated differently. to develop a which made joint legal and physical unequal histories of care for their child custody custody either an option or a preference. children and exit court with those relation- agreement assuring that children will have What I did not understand, but was ships legally reconstructed as equal. close and continuing contact with both co-custody, an emerging trend in family A gender-neutral policy parents. Often, however, the cards are court. Co-custody is similar to joint So, I wondered, what impact does gender- unfairly stacked against the weaker party custody, but it also is different. neutral child co-custody policy have on in court-appointed mediation sessions. What is co-custody? gendered families? The question is a sig- For example, mediation sessions take With joint custody families, one parent nificant one because it entails a possible place even when one or both parents usually has primary physical custody, connection to multiple issues associated have charged the other with domestic while both parents share legal custody. with the hierarchical family: discrimina- violence. Moreover, mediators have the In a joint custodial family, for example, tion against women, rigidified sex roles, authority to exclude both a person’s children might live with their mother in impoverished single-parent families, lawyer and a domestic violence support town “A” during the week and with their perpetuation of masculinist ideologies person from participating in mediation father in town “B” on weekends. Or, and practices, restricted ideas of what it is proceedings. And, mediation can proceed children may spend the school year with to be a person, and often, children who even when restraining orders have been their mother in state “A” and the summer don’t know one of their parents. issued against one or both parties en- and winter holidays with their father in Certainly equal legal and physical custody gaged in a custody dispute. state “B.” offers remedies to the shortcomings of Most important, application of a co-custody Co-custodial parents, on the other hand, primary parenting. Judges, for example, standard for all families tends to disregard share physical and legal custody of their are not forced to play Solomon in con- the unique situation of each family. It children equally. In a co-custodial family, tested cases. Children are not faced with ignores the consequences associated with for example, children may rotate weekly unequal access to either of their parents continuing a co-parental relationship between parents who live in the same in the post-divorce or break-up period. with an abusive partner. It devalues care town or city. Or, pre-school children, in And neither parent is overburdened by work in favor of “parent rights.” It has the co-custodial families, may spend six the responsibility of caring for children. potential to silence parents throughout months with one parent in state “A” and Unintended consequences the process of mediation and family court six months with their other parent in hearings, protecting noncompliance by But my preliminary findings suggest that, state “B.” In co-custody parenting, equal- placing the burden on the weaker parent. ity is the operative term, and thus co- in addition to such possible remedies, co- Perpetuating gender inequality custodial parents are in many respects custody brings with it unintended conse- Co-custody can continue and deepen legally indistinguishable from one an- quences. Co-custody may, for example, children’s relationships with both parents, other—at least in theory. lead to increased women’s care work with Co-Custody continued on page F29 Family Focus June 2005 F28 Family Focus On...

Multiple Meanings of Family Hutterite Families by Suzanne R. Smith, Ph.D., Associate Professor, Department of Human Development, Washington State University, Vancouver; and Bron B. Ingoldsby, Ph.D., Associate Professor, School of Family Life, Brigham Young University pproximately 46,000 Hutterite and child rearing is tightly regulated and represented across the colonies. This Brethren live in North America. designed to instill their values and pro- means that it’s relatively common for all A Their 458 colonies are located in mote group solidarity. While Hutterites members of the same colony to have only the northwest (Saskatchewan, Alberta, are similar to the Amish in one or two family British Colombia, Montana, and Washing- life style and religious Hutterites believe that the names. As a result, ton) and the upper midwest (Manitoba, practices, they do accept good of the community young adults must North Dakota, South Dakota, and Min- electricity and many modern is more important than travel to other nesota). But few people outside of these devices that make it easier to the good of either the colonies to meet geographic areas are familiar with this run their community business. individual or the family. marriageable part- religious/ethnic group. ners since Hutterites Hutterites live in colonies of cannot marry siblings The Hutterites are Anabaptists who live approximately 100 members, and cur- or first cousins. When a couple marries, communally. Their system of education rently only 13 traditional surnames are the wife moves to her husband’s colony (patrilocal residence), which means she CO-CUSTODY continued from page F28 is typically separated from her parents and increase the father’s role in the But most parents and siblings. children’s socialization. But co-custody do not enter rela- A communal society can also perpetuate gender inequality in tionships with a This transition is made easier, however, the family. For example, a father with no presumption of because of the nature of a communal history of caring for his children might formal equality in society, and the Hutterite view that the become an excellent co-parent. But there’s mind. Co-custody good of the community is more important no guarantee that he will necessarily policy fails to than the good of either the individual or fulfill his “future co-parenting promise” acknowledge that the family. Hutterites work, cook, clean, short of being monitored by an external a woman might be and raise children together. For example, agency like the state. situated differently Lynn Comerford, on a typical day women go to the kitchen than her former By the same token, giving automatic Ph.D. to help prepare the morning meal, eat preference to the parent who has histori- husband or partner. breakfast with all colony members, and cally been the most involved in the pri- Currently, child custody law presumes a then begin the work of the colony. mary care of the children (usually the world in which both parents are granted Community chores among women are mother) may be a relatively quick way to equal physical and legal custody with no divided and rotated on a weekly basis. determine child custody. But enforcement regard for their history of caring for their One week a woman may do dishes, one of this policy may also perpetuate the children. Privileging individual rights in week she may cook, and one week she status quo, support an ideology of female this way may in some cases harm the may clean communal areas, and so on. A mothering, and unfairly screen out fathers, parent (often the weaker party) who has woman always has a partner for a rota- particularly if the children are very young previously made economic sacrifices to tion, and typically the women in the and long-term patterns of child care care for children. colony do about 50 percent of the daily have not been developed. Assignment of The introduction of equal legal and activities together, which means that co-custody to the parent with a history of physical custody treats both parents in they are rarely alone. primary care giving in the family also the same way even though they are situ- Men also work together in the field. So implies that this parent would want to ated differently. And this is unjust, even if much time spent in communal activities have (mere) co-custody of the children the injustice is unintentional. builds an incredible sense of family and post-divorce or separation. Co-custody policy might be a reasonable community. Family members learn that Unintentional injustice alternative to primary parenting after everyone must work together across If people became parents with full knowl- divorce or the dissolution of the parents’ families for the colony to survive. Because edge of the rules of equal legal and physical relationship. But a follow-up mechanism there is no individual money or prop- child custody, they might conduct their is needed so that courts can distinguish erty, it is more important to meet the parenting lives differently. Perhaps they de jure co-custody policy from de facto co- survival needs of the group than those of would strive to be more financially self- custody practices. the individual. Thus, while Hutterites reliant and be more willing to share child recognize and live in families of origin care responsibilities during the life of the For more information, contact relationship. [email protected]. Hutterite Families continued on page F30 Family Focus June 2005 F29 Family Focus On...

Multiple Meanings of Family Fostering Partnerships Between Teachers and Latino Immigrant Parents by Brian Jory, Ph.D., Director of Family Studies, Berry College, Mount Berry, Georgia

eorgia is now the third most who graduate from high school go on The students are roughly 50 percent popular state in the U.S. for to college. Unfortunately, 51 percent of Latino, 30 percent African American, Gnewly arrived Latinos. Roughly Latino children in Georgia do not and 20 percent Caucasian. Most of the 60 percent come from southern Mexico, graduate from high school, a dropout families are working class, and many are and they play an important role in the rate higher than the national average of migrant workers. All 25 teachers and production of our famous peaches and 40 percent for Latinos. administrators at Pine Log are white and Vidalia onions, in our booming construc- The school setting middle class. tion industry, and in our carpet mills. Our faculty and students recently got Pine Log teachers and administrators Many of the men are separated from involved in educational issues for Latino recognized that their programs were not their families (which has created serious families at “Pine Log Elementary,” one of properly structured and they themselves problems in southern Mexico), but our Professional Development Schools did not have the training to reach out to many Latino women and children also (PDS). A PDS is a local school that part- the families of their students. Attendance live in this part of the country. ners with us for cooperative consultation at parent meetings was low: PTA meet- Most Latino immigrants come to the on family involvement, family literacy, ings averaged only about 25 parents. United States for jobs and education. By and exceptional children. Teachers complained about the lack of law, all children are required to attend Pine Log Elementary has about 500 stu- support they received from families, and school, and 31 percent of Latino students dents in kindergarten through fifth grade. Partnerships continued on page F31

HUTTERITE FAMILIES continued from page F29 and procreation, it is the family of the There is never any question about finding colony that has primary importance. a room for the visitors, and they are fed Interfamily and cross-colony support and taken care of as if they were family. That is not to say, however, that members It takes a village… of individual families do not support one Scholars and politicians often talk about another. For example, when a woman how it takes a village to raise children, but gives birth, her mother or sister comes to the Hutterites live out that belief on a daily visit for at least one month. During that basis. Children are often cared for by an time, the new mother is relieved of all older sibling, or an older child from individual, family, and community re- another family when they are either too sponsibilities so she can recover. The young to be in school or out of school for Suzanne R. Smith, Bron B. Ingoldsby, visiting mother takes over the household the afternoon. Children see their grand- Ph.D. Ph.D. responsibilities and the other women in parents and other relatives who live in origin from birth until marriage, then live the colony divide up the tasks previously the same colony everyday. As a result, with their family of procreation. But all assigned to the pregnant mother. There they are significantly more involved with the while they work toward the survival is no discussion among the women their extended family than most people of the larger community. It is rare to hear about the fairness of this arrangement, who live in the larger society. Hutterites complain about doing work as they know they will all be treated in Hutterites are also careful to instill the around the colony. In fact, you are more the same way when their time comes. same morals and values and beliefs about likely to hear them praise the fact that they have others to ease their burden. Another way that a sense of family is acceptable behavior in each child regard- They are never left to survive either emo- displayed is across colonies. It is not less of family. Any adult in the colony tionally or financially by themselves, and uncommon for members of one colony has the right to discipline any child, and there is a great deal of peace in that to spend a few weeks helping out an- decisions about school discipline are sense of community. other colony during harvest time. This made by all colony members rather than gives teenagers a chance to meet with the individual parents involved. For more information, contact youth from another colony. The “host” A sense of peace [email protected] or colony also benefits because it can bring For Hutterites, the idea of family is multi- [email protected]. To learn more in its crop faster and can replant its fields. layered. They live with their family of about the Hutterites, visit www.hutterites.org.

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PARTNERSHIPS continued from page F30 despite their best efforts, nothing Serious misunderstandings and African dancing, seemed to improve. The problem was What emerged from the interviews was with brightly colored acute because the No Child Left Behind evidence of serious misunderstandings costumes and rega- Act, which took effect in 2002, requires between families and school personnel. lia. The International schools to increase parent involvement The families were not aware of teacher Fair was a success in their children’s education. expectations that they should, for example, and has become Action research read to their children at home, check an annual event. homework assignments, and cooperate Second, individual Following initial consultations, we insti- with teachers over discipline problems. teachers were en- tuted an action research project to collect Brian Jory, Ph.D. couraged to develop information on the needs and concerns For their part, school personnel failed an instructional pamphlet for the families of the main stakeholders: children, par- to understand the strengths of the ethni- of children in their classroom. The pam- ents, teachers, and administrators. The cally diverse families and were, therefore, phlet gave concrete details about teachers’ project involved two faculty, one gradu- unable to draw on these strengths. For expectations for families. Teachers were ate student, and eight undergraduate example, teachers viewed grandparents encouraged to make the pamphlet reflect students. Our ultimate goal was to demo- living in the home as a sign that the their own personalities and to communi- cratically include all stakeholders, and to parents were unable to care for the cate a positive attitude, rather than writing involve them in a dynamic process aimed children rather than as a sign of strong out a lot of rigid rules. at improving family-school relations for all extended family ties. families, whatever Teachers were also encouraged to keep Before our project began, their background. their expectations realistic and to think Families didn’t understand these misunderstandings about the needs of families. For example, teacher expectations, and Several methods had come to a head. Two why should parents attend conferences? school personnel were used to collect well-intentioned teachers Were teachers willing to hold parent this information: didn’t understand the scheduled parenting classes for conferences in the late afternoon after families’ strengths. the Latino families in an effort to
We designed work? How did teachers want families to “reach out.” Tensions arose between a confidential communicate with them? What about teachers and the Latino families when questionnaire for teachers and admin- special needs of the children? only three parents showed up for the istrators asking about their experi- classes. Most of the Latino parents saw no Third, English literacy classes, taught by ences with families at the school, their need for parenting classes. They believed the migrant family outreach worker, were attitudes towards families in general, that English-literacy classes would have held for families enrolled at the school. their goals and aspirations for the been more helpful. The teachers’ feelings Latino women were especially encouraged families of their pupils, and their atti- had been hurt because they genuinely to attend these classes. Transportation tudes about family and ethnic diver- wanted to “help” the families, even though problems were addressed, and, within a sity. All 25 teachers and administrators they knew almost nothing about them. couple weeks the classes were well at- completed the questionnaire. tended. Teachers were also encouraged to
We conducted face-to-face interviews New approaches attend these classes in order to learn more with 16 of the 25 teachers at the school. As a result of these findings, Pine Log about traditional Latino culture and the
We interviewed family members. Inter- launched several new projects. First of life of Latino immigrants in this country. views focused on their experiences with all, a Family Engagement Committee was schools, including schools in their created. The committee included teachers, Finally, a room off the school library was native culture, and with education and parents, the migrant family outreach designated as a “Family Resource Center” teachers in general. The questionnaire worker, and the school secretary, who Partnerships continued on page F32 included checklists, attitudinal ques- serves as the point of entry tions, and open-ended questions about into the school for all families. negative experiences or feelings towards The committee planned an teachers. We conducted 103 interviews, International Fair at the approximately half in family homes school, and families were and half by telephone. Thirty-five invited to share traditional interviews were conducted in Spanish. cooking, handicrafts, and
We also interviewed the school coun- woodworking. The Fair was selor, social worker, and a migrant modeled on traditional mar- family outreach worker. kets that are common in many All interviews were conducted by Berry parts of the world. Over 300 College students who had received four people attended the fair, which hours of training. included traditional Mexican

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RURAL GRANDPARENTS continued from page F24 responsibilities, and coping with social they perceive. We surmise that as time dence in their second- isolation and financial difficulties. passes, grandparents become more skilled time-around parenting at coping with the challenges of parenting skills, these caregivers Research shows that financial burden is a second time around. Over time, grand- might benefit from one of the top stressors for grandparent parents may gain additional parenting parent education. caregivers. The average income for grand- skills and learn how to navigate the social Participation in parent headed households with children systems in place to serve families with support groups present is under $20,000, and more complex needs. may help grandpar- than 38 percent of grandparents ents expand their who are primary caregivers live Grandparent-headed We also find that social networks. on incomes below the poverty families living in rural depression is related Annie Conway, M.S. line. When grandparents take communities have to parental stress, Practitioners should also consider the on the added financial responsibil- received little attention. such that psychological health of grandparent ity for their grandchildren, an already increases in caregivers. Given the unusual and often tight budget may be stretched beyond its depressive symptoms are tragic circumstances that necessitate limits, resulting in parental stress. related to increases in perceived parental grandparent caregiving, improved access stress. Grandparents who take on the to counseling services may be helpful— The complex array of factors related to parenting role often do so under complex especially in rural locales. these caregiving stressors remains under- and challenging familial circumstances. studied. To shed light on this topic, we As grandparent-headed families continue For example, grandparents in our project are studying correlates of parental stress, to increase, future research should focus are caring for their grandchildren as a including length of time in the caregiving on the well-being of grandparents and the result of their adult child’s difficulties with role, level of income, depression, paren- grandchildren they raise, as well as on the employment, drug or alcohol addiction, tal confidence, and social support. effectiveness of programs that support divorce, and death. These grandparents these families in rural and urban settings. Studying the rural context may not have been adequately prepared For more information, contact We are also examining a context that has emotionally, physically, financially, and [email protected]. received little attention in the literature— socially for the roles they took on when that of grandparent-headed families family crises occurred. living in rural communities. Rural living Parenting stress is also related to the exposes families to unique challenges. grandparents’ confidence in their For example, rural families often live far parenting role. Increased confidence is from social service agencies, need trans- related to decreased perceived stress. PARTNERSHIPS portation to access medical care, have Grandparents who are more knowledge- continued from page F31 few resources to draw upon if their able about child development and care- with books on parenting, education, grandchildren have special needs, and giving appear more relaxed about their childhood illnesses, and other subjects have fewer opportunities to increase role and, therefore, may be less stressed. relevant to families with young children. their financial well-being when they take Likewise, grandparents who have more The resource center is used in conjunc- over the caregiver role for their children. resources and knowledge about legal tion with the literacy classes and is be- issues, custody, obtaining medical insur- This study is part of the statewide Grand- coming popular with parents. parents Raising Grandchildren project ance, finding child care, enrolling the coordinated through the Montana State children in school, and accessing com- While these changes have not been a University Extension Service, which munity resources may also have more panacea, they did get the ball rolling by provides resources and support services confidence and better coping skills and helping parents become more involved to grandparents. Thus far, we have found strategies to reduce stress. with teachers and helping teachers relate that length of time in the caregiving role Implications for practitioners to parents in meaningful ways. This is a good outcome for everyone, but espe- is significantly related to parental stress. Our findings hold several implications cially for the children. The longer that grandparents perform for practitioners. For example, given that the primary caregiving function for their many grandparent caregivers—especially For more information, contact grandchildren, the less parenting stress those new to this role—may lack confi- [email protected].

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