Thursday 22 January 2004 Published by the USSU Communications Office issue number 1071 free www.ussu.co.uk

THE UNIVERSITY OF SURREY STUDENTS’ NEWSPAPER

IN THIS WEEK ’ S PAPER THE BIG VOTE THE FINAL COUNTDOWN As nominations open In the week which will decide COMMENT | Paul Sanderson argues in for this year’s elections, the future of Higher Education, favour of higher University fees | page 4 barefacts tells you exactly barefacts brings you news and UNION | Catherine Lee tells you why websites are considered an ‘art’. | page 8 what it’s like to be a comment articles covering all MUSIC | Jon Allen and Matt Badcock head Sabbatical Officer. sides of the debate... to some Christmas gigs | pages 18 & 19 Elections| page 6 News & Comment| Pages 1-5 The Last Stand BY PHILIP HOWARD poorest backgrounds do not have to pay any fees at all - at NEWS EDITOR worst. If the university offers more than £300 bursary, they will be recieving money through the process, separately THE STORY SO far: A year ago education secretary Charles from the standard student loan. Clarke expects around 30% Clarke unveiled the Higher Education White Paper. This of students to receive the full grant, and 10% to receive a was a statement of intent for the government’s new policies partial grant. According to the statement, universities who on Higher Education, including top-up fees and many other currently have wider access and recruit proportionately reforms. As a result of these policies and some concessions more studenrts from poor backgrounds will be able to use in response to backbench opposition, two weeks ago Mr over 90% of the added income, as opposed to the 70% Clarke introduced the Higher Education Bill, to be voted on previously implied. by parliament next Tuesday. Mr Clarke also mentions the argument given by some In the bill, the government proposes to move fees from groups for combining the grants and fee payment to give the means-tested (£1125) up-front fee currently in place to students more choice over how they use the financial support an institution-set variable fee of up to £3,000 - repaid as a the government gives them. He stated that this raised ‘policy, proportion of earnings above £15,000 after graduation. This financial and practical issues’, and that the government has proved to be the largest problem for the government, remaining student loan (including fees) outstanding after 25 would be ‘examining them in detail’. If they can be resolved, drawing the most criticism. Other proposals are a new grant years - on average, graduates can expect to pay it off in 13 we are told, then they will adopt this approach. available to those from the poorest backgrounds and the years, according to him. Maintenance loans will be raised to Clarke’s final warning to the House was this: “This is a creation of the ‘Office for Fair Access’ to help widen access. the ‘median level’ of student living costs - this will be most coherent package to be taken as a whole or not at all. If not The line below which full support is available has been evident to students living in London, but should raise the supported by this house, none of these benefits will arise. It drawn at £15,200. amount available to students at Surrey. is not a pick and mix menu.” In addition to these, Clarke announced concessions to In his statement on January 8th introducing the bill, Mr The picture above shows Surrey students at the lobby of those opposing the Bill. The impact of variable fees will be Clarke expressed the government’s ‘aspiration’ to provide Parliament on 3rd December 2003. They will be heading assessed via an ‘independent review’ over their first 3 years. the full student loan to all students without means testing, into London again to lobby MPs on 27th January, the very The £3,000 cap will remain in place unless an increase in order to make students more independent from their day when the bill will be read in Parliament - for more is voted through by parliament - this has been added to parents. He also stated the position of those from the poorest information on how USSU have been fighting the fees reassure those who see the cap as a temporary measure to backgrounds - a combination of grants and a minimum proposals, see barefacts opinion on page 6 or pop into the get the bill passed. Also included is a plan to write off any bursary from the university will mean that those from the Students’ Union to speak to one of the Sabbatical Officers.

ON M ONDAY C HARLES Clarke students, but some would be - less if the grant was lower. out to no eligability for those announced that the £1500 repaid at a later date. In effect This means that the immediate whose assessed family income Clarke living grant and the £1200 fee the students have been offered amount of money the student is more than around £33,000. waiver proposed in the Higher an extra loan of £1200 - instead receives if they take the full An example would be a family Education Bill would be of reducing the (maximum grant and maximum student income of £20,000: the total Repackages combined into a £2,700 package £3,000) top-up fees by £1200, loan would only increase by combined grant would become for those from the poorest the student can opt to take the £350, but their student loan £1,770 instead of £570 with a backgrounds. money to live on, and repay it at would be £850 smaller when £1200 remission on repayable Universities would be required a later date. they start to repay their fees fees. Yet to be finalised are the HE Support to add a minimum bursary of This is not without drawbacks, after graduation. Clarke stated details of technical issues, such £300 to this, making up the however. According to the that ‘in no circumstances’ would as interactions with fees in £3,000 required to cover the government’s calculations, if the reduction in loan exceed Scotland, Wales and Northern EWS DITOR HIL OWARD N E P H cost of the maximum expense the full £2,700 was taken, the £1200. Ireland, and for cross-border BRINGS US UP TO DATE WITH THE of a course. This support would student loan entitlement would The entitlement to the grant students. RECENT TOP UP FEES PROPOSALS. be available to some 30% of need to be reduced by £850 would be means-tested, tapering

Letters | page 3 Charity Dinner Dance | page 9 Lord of the Rings | page 14 Interactive | page 20 2 NEWS 22 January 2004

EDITORIAL TEAM 2003-4 Fee Debate Reaches New Heights

Editor in Chief With student fees dominating the news over the past few months, Philip Howard brings us Sarah Butterworth comms more news on the week which could shape the future of Higher Education @ussu.co.uk

AFTER NEARLY A year of wrangling over the responded to their survey, the majority of minister rightly insists that the abolition of Editor contents of the White Paper, recent events Labour MPs would vote for the government, the upfront fee is a step in the right direction. Chris Ward have stirred up the debate to fever pitch. swinging the vote in the government’s Unfortunately the introduction of variable cs21cw Top-up fees have become front-line favour. Opposition leader Michael Howard top-up fees represents a giant leap in the @surrey.ac.uk politics, with many suggesting that this next has urged Scottish MPs to abstain from wrong direction.” week will be the most decisive of Blair’s voting on the bill. In the poll, however, there The effects of the bill on Surrey may be Deputy Editor leadership - both the Hutton inquiry and the were still more against the bill than for - of wide-ranging. It is well-known that Surrey Neil Christie result of the Higher Education Bill vote will the 44 who intend to vote, 15 were for, 23 will inevitably implement higher fees if ms33nc be released, both pivotal issues. against and 6 undecided. Assuming the 12 they become available. Perhaps some lesser @surrey.ac.uk To this end, the Labour backbench is now Scottish ministers (who weren’t polled) vote noticed news is that the government is expected to rebel in their greatest numbers for the bill, the balance becomes 27 for, 23 making it more diffi cult for some foreign Deputy Editor in recent years in the vote next Tuesday. against, and 6 undecided. Welsh MPs may students to enter the UK to study, which Ben Berryman Despite the opposition for the bill, however, be more inclined to support the bill, as it is one of the areas that Surrey differs most ma91bb there may be some surprise ‘yes’ voters. includes provision for the Welsh Assembly from other universities. Information about @surrey.ac.uk One recent defector was Peter Bradley, to acquire the powers to set its own this has been swamped by the debate on one of the leading Labour rebels, who stated conditions for tuition fees, as the Scottish top-up fees, however, so we may not see Music Editor on Saturday that he would be backing the Parliament has. the changes that have been made until that Matt Badcock Government. According to the Guardian, In order to defeat the bill, all the opposition fi re has abated. The bill does allow for ms01mb Bradley has said that the fi nancial support parties and 82 Labour rebels would be increasing the maintenance loan available @surrey.ac.uk now being offered to students from poor required to vote against the government. to the median cost of student living in the backgrounds now outweigh his objections If all the opposition falls into line and the area - since Surrey has a higher cost of living Music Editor to variable fees. At the same time, however, 100 Labour rebels vote as predicted, then than most other universities, this should give Jon Allen 100 Labour MPs pledged to vote against the vote has a real chance of being lost. In Surrey students more immediately available bs21ja the proposals, indicating a defeat for the recent weeks, however, some Labour MPs loan on arrival. @surrey.ac.uk Government. Other supporters for the bill have expressed the opinion that some of the One point which has caused some MPs to include Tony Banks, former Sports Minister, rebels are rebelling to force the government swing towards favouring the bill is that Blair and Stephen Pound, MP for Ealing. Bradley to include concessions in the bill, such as stated there was ‘no Plan B’ for education. Film Editor said “I haven’t changed my position, but those recently announced by Mr Clarke, For the university itself, the bill offers the Neil Boulton Ministers have changed theirs.” and who will now vote in favour of the bill prospect of more desperately needed cash, so cs21nb He continued: “The changes in their as the best deal they can reasonably expect. given the choice between all or none, there @surrey.ac.uk thinking are all for the better. They are not Some Conservative MPs are also expected is no contest. However, because of the other just marginal concessions.” He indicated to ignore their party’s three-line whip and issues surrounding it, the undergraduate fees Theatre Editor that he would rather the bill was voted vote with the government as well. will not be as prominent an effect at Surrey. Daisy Clay through and then for MPs to try to change The combination of these opposition One of the proposals in the bill allows for ps21dc what they did not like, rather than voting rebels, Labour swing voters and the Scottish greater fee support and a grant for part-time @surrey.ac.uk the whole bill down. He also mentioned MPs may well be enough to scrape the bill students. Surrey’s proportionately smaller that some of the backbenchers opposing the through. It may be for these reasons that number of traditional UK undergraduates bill were more interested in giving Blair ‘a Clarke is making so many concessions in is therefore lower, so the one sticking point Literature Editor bloody nose’ than higher education. order to get the bill passed, and it may have of the bill - the increased fees - may be of Jennifer Walker Another source of support for the worked. According to Peter Bradley MP, signifi cantly less importance to the future ph21jw @surrey.ac.uk government may turn out to be Scottish “the mood has changed signifi cantly.” His of Surrey than they would be to other MPs - oddly Scottish MPs are able to vote comments came after 12 MPs who signed universities. on English university tuition fees. Whether an early-day motion against the proposals Barefacts will be bringing you the result of News Editor they should be allowed to do this is hotly had removed their names from it, and were next Tuesday’s vote, along with reactions on Philip Howard contested, but according to The Scotsman, considering supporting the government. what the result means and where it will go ph02ph some 44 Scottish MPs are planning to vote The NUS has not changed its rhetoric. from here. By then we may see one of the @surrey.ac.uk on the issue. The poll, conducted by BBC Mandy Telford, President of the National most active weeks of politics of the last few Scotland, found that of the 57 MPs who Union of Students, said: “The prime months. Sports Editor Peter Nichols Surrey students at Westminster. photo and front page photo by chris hunter cs11pn barefacts is an editorially independent newspaper and is @surrey.ac.uk published by the University of Surrey Students’ Union Communications Office.

CONTRIBUTORS The views expressed within the paper are those of individual Matt Adams Amelia Lefroy authors and do not necessarily represent the views of the Andy Blair Carol Main Editor, the University of Surrey Students’ Union or the Dan Brown Cathy Marshall University of Surrey. This publication may not be reproduced in whole or in part, Jay Butcher Melanie Perkins stored in any form, copied or distributed, without the express Dave Chapman John Rye permission of the publisher beforehand. Chris Connor Paul Sanderson All submissions must include the author’s name and Union Scott Farmer Will Shropshire or Staff Number. Submission is no guarantee of publication. Matt Fisher Sandeep Sohal Chris Hunter Sarah Taylor Articles submitted Anonymously and Pseudonymously will not be published. Claire Iles Pete Tivers barefacts reserves the right to edit submissions. Catherine Lee Dave Tucker [email protected] WWW.USSU.CO.UK Design & Layup: © USSU COMMUNICATIONS OFFICE 2003 Sarah Butterworth Printed by Sharman and Co. Printers Pete Nichols | Ben Berryman Peterborough Tel: 01733 424949 22 January 2004 LETTERS 3 Letters to barefacts Letters must be received by 5pm on the Friday before publication to be published in the next newspaper. Letters may be edited for length or clarity | [email protected] I Want You to Think About Making a Difference

Dear Union member, Union offi cers are responsible for the work take on what you feel that you can do. the nomination pack that can be picked up and direction of the students’ Union. As a The benefi ts to you are immense. You will around campus. The details are guidelines of I’m writing to tell you about a fantastic team they identify what students want and be provided with comprehensive training what you can do. You will not be expected opportunity. We want you to think about look at ways in which these needs can be on your role, and you will get full support to do it all! standing for election as a students’ union met. Executive offi cers will work on projects on the activities and tasks that you carry Think about it. If you want to talk offi cer. together, involve students in the projects and out. You may also attend conferences and about it then please contact me on 01483 Briefl y, I just want to tell you why you co-ordinate the delivery of the project. meetings with other students’ union who 689227. You can also e-mail me on should think about it. Previous projects have included, running are carrying out similar projects to you. [email protected] The students at Surrey have formed a union. campaigns, organising trips, arranging social Crucially, you will be able to demonstrate Thanks for reading this and the best of Each year we elect people to represent us events, setting up a training programme, the in the future that you have initiated and luck. and run the union on our behalf. list is endless. The key thing is that you do implemented a project, as well as showing These people are known as executive not have to work on your own. Working as a that you are motivated and willing to take PETE TIVERS offi cers, and they fulfi ll a number of vital team means that you can plan your time and responsibility. STUDENTS’ UNION PRESIDENT roles. And I want you to stand to be one. the tasks that you take on. You only need to Details of the positions are available in [email protected] Conservative AGM a Farce Let us keep campus interesting!

Dear barefacts, rid’ of a perceived black sheep within the Dear barefacts, lots of ‘[1]s’, and it was amazing. The student society circle. If the union cannot impression I gained from all this was far I was horrifi ed at what I saw when I went to handle criticism and show it is dealing with I returned to campus after Christmas at from thinking ‘wow, this campus is messy’. a certain society AGM on 28th November certain aspects in the correct way then is it home to see, as many of you will have Instead campus seemed lively, buzzing and 2003, held in the Union Committee Room trying to hide something? I certainly don’t done, several rather unsightly white boards friendly. But what will happen to all this around 2.30pm. I though it to be an AGM think that voting out particular people will had sprung up around campus, apparently now? Will elections candidates be forced to where the chairman would discuss our stop them questioning the running of the for ‘student posters’. I presume these are a fi ght for space on these ugly white boards, years work and the future years plans and union, and before they attempt to vote out University initiative? So what is so wrong which, from what I’ve seen, shed all their the members would vote on committee their nemesis, should they not think of the with the way things have been done up posters onto the fl oor every time there is the positions. Instead there were 6 non society consequences of the society, which would until now? Some people, mainly University slightest rainfall? Come Freshers’ Week will members, there to what can only be less than likely be able to run without staff I would guess, think that posters for disputes break out over how much space one described as maul the current chairman for the unnamed person? Needless to say I societies, events, clubs, GU2 etc around society can have on each board? Come on, words he had written on the USSU Bulletin left the farce of a meeting early for it was campus make the place look ‘messy’, but University – the posters on walls, doors and Board. Little do they know that in a small completely irrelevant to the actual party I offer a completely different opinion. even walkways around campus made the society as it is, this specifi c person is the AGM that it was supposed to be. Way back in the days of UCAS tours and place interesting, please don’t take away all lifeblood to keep it going. Whether he asked suchlike, I visited the University of Surrey our individuality! questions about the union previously, should YOURS SINCERELY, campus for the fi rst time during elections not give union members the right to attend WILL SHROPSHIRE week. Campus was plastered from head to YOURS SINCERELY, an AGM they have no interest in, just to ‘get DEPUTY CHAIRMAN CONSERVATIVE SOCIETY toe with multicoloured posters, all sporting AN ANNOYED CAMPUS RESIDENT

University of Surrey Care Services

Health Centre The University of Surrey Students’ Union Bottom of University Court, opposite bus stop at the top Provides help and advice on academic problems as well of Yorkies Bridge. as welfare issues. Tel: 01483 689051 or ext 9051 (internal) Located in Activities Centre in Union Building Tel: 01483 689228 (VP Education and Welfare, internal Open: Monday - Friday | all year round ext 9228) Semester: 9am - 6pm | Vacation: 9am - 4.30pm Open: Monday to Friday | all year round Emergency Nurse available 24hrs, during semester The Student Advice & Information Service (SAIS) Counselling Service Wey Flat 2, Surrey Court, by University Hall Ground fl oor of House 23, University Court, between the Tel: 01483 689261 or ext 9261 (internal) Duke of Kent building and the Health Centre. Open: Monday to Friday | all year round Tel: 01483 689498 or ext. 9498 (internal) Semester: 10am - 4pm | Vacation | 11am - 3pm Open: Monday - Friday | all year round Closed: Mondays, 9am - 1pm Semester: 9am - 5pm | Vacation| 9am - 5pm

Chaplaincy For more information contact Bourne Flat, Surrey Court - Opposite Seasons Restaurant Claire Iles on [email protected] or Tel: 01483 682754 or ext 2754 (internal) (01483) (68)9228 Open Lunch: Thursdays 1pm - 2pm 4 COMMENT 22 January 2004 We Don’t Pay Enough for our Education

Paul Sanderson commits ‘the student equivalent of high treason, religious heresy and genocide all rolled into one”, and argues in favour of increased fees for Higher Education.

I’m feeling controversial. I’m going to can take modules in anything you choose. won’t miss it. And why shouldn’t we pay research in academic subjects that rightly commit the student equivalent of high Also, to get a level of knowledge in a for our education? We have access to constitute a degree. For the record, I’m not treason, religious heresy and genocide subject equivalent to our bachelor’s degree, some of best facilities (which would only against Surrey’s idea of giving academic all rolled into one. It’s just my humble Americans have to do a master’s. My improve with more money), some of the subjects a vocational edge as long as we opinion but I don’t think we pay enough friend’s parents are considering selling their leading experts in their fi eld (something don’t start teaching glass blowing. for our education; I fundamentally support house for him to go to ‘graduate school’. they may not be able to sustain if they don’t the government’s proposal on top-up Basically, an undergraduate degree is worth get more money), and some of the best fees. Now before you go marching down a set of A-levels in terms of the knowledge opportunities available to young people “If people want to Union House ready to burn it down students have of their subject. However, when we graduate (as opposed to people carrying effi gies of the editorial team, Americans do manage to do one thing not at university). Why should the people to study horse this isn’t the union’s position – simply properly. They use the money they get from your old school, now working for management, then mine. Once you have stopped cursing me, from students effectively and make sure minimum wage in call centres, pay for our please read on because I’m only trying that the best research possible is carried privileges? fi ne - I’m sure to add some perspective and sense to the out. They then go on to make lots more There are some things about the new the horses will argument. money out of this research as ‘intellectual ideas which worry me. A family with three Obviously in an ideal world, education property’. American universities are university-age children who earns slightly appreciate it, but would be totally free. But then so too immensely rich. If English universities too much to be entitled to fi nancial help can please don’t dress would food, alcohol and Porsche 911s. don’t get more funding, even Oxbridge will be worse-off than a family with one child Despite the obvious problems of 35 stone fall behind our American counterparts. who comes just below the threshold which this qualifi cation men squeezing into their sports cars after Fortunately, the current plans won’t create warrants them help (such is my situation). up as a degree. 15 pints would cause, such a system has an American system. University will still This however, is a problem with the system already been tried. That little social theory be available to a broad range of people and not the principle. Slightly more that should never have been taken seriously – as opposed to only the richest being able concerning is the fact that the government The problem of spending this extra money called communism should tell us that we to afford it in the States. I think the main seems insistent that this extra money will on getting more people to university is that can’t share everything equally; we simply source of opposition to the proposals is the widen access and make it so that 50% go we would end up with a European system have to pay for things. government itself. It keeps running itself to university. Why? Here, I agree with where more than 50% start higher education against a brick wall in the way that it sells the Conservatives and possibly go even but fewer degrees are awarded than here. the idea. Perhaps it’s because their main further. Why do we need more people at It will create a drop-out culture and waste “Obviously in salesman is Charles Clarke – a man so university? I’m worried that more people millions. The money should be used to irritating, condescending and ignorant that at university will mean that my degree is allow English universities to compete; an ideal world, people are against him as soon as he opens devalued. People doing courses such as not to meet government targets. At this education would be his mouth. Therefore, something that is furniture making will get the same BA as I point, a further myth should be dispelled. essentially good for most of the population will for doing (again, in my opinion) a hard Those against top-up fees say that they totally free. But is threatening Tony Blair’s job. If you look Combined Languages degree (Russian, will put people off coming to university. at the proposals they are essentially positive French and Spanish if you care). The fact This again is utter rubbish created by then so too would but the government is publicizing its idea is that some things simply shouldn’t be the myth and enigma that surrounds top food, alcohol and badly. You don’t pay a thing until you called a degree. I have nothing against universities. As someone from a working- graduate. Nothing, nil, nada at the point of further education and bettering oneself; class background who experienced the Porsche 911s.” usage: you are getting your education on if people want to do furniture studies and Oxbridge application system, I can say that credit. Also, the very poorest won’t pay at horse management, then fi ne - I’m sure the Oxford and Cambridge won’t let someone all and will get help throughout university. horses will appreciate it, but please don’t who is capable of studying there be put off To the people who blindly reject paying How can this possibly be bad? Fine, you dress these qualifi cations up as degrees. by costs. Their colleges are so ridiculously more just because their best mate’s cousin will pay more when you leave but it will They are NVQs pure and simple. It may wealthy that they hand-out bursaries as if does – or because you are conditioned to be a tax which will be such that you won’t be elitist of me but if I am to pay more for they were UN food parcels. One Oxford be socialist at university – I say ‘get real’. ever feel like you’ve lost something; the my degree I want the money to be spent college even proposed letting students have This is 21st century Britain not 1920’s money won’t be there to start with so you on better facilities, better staff and better free accommodation because they didn’t Russia. Britain’s universities (Scotland’s need the money. Talk about encouraging included) are in a position where they need UniS graduates: paying too little for a good education? you to apply. Universities wanting to more money or they risk being considered charge top-up fees will have to ensure irrelevant in world academia. There are similar benefi ts to stop people from being those who will say that Cuba (another put off. communist utopia) has among the highest By all means, be against extra costs literacy rates in the world. However, for students if you want. Go to the we are dealing with the very top level of demonstrations, sign petitions to the education not the question of being able to government, and call Charles Clarke read and write. It is no coincidence that whatever you like (please) but only if you the most expensive university system in the truly believe in it. Don’t oppose top-up world makes the most out of research. fees simply because everyone else does. Having said that, I don’t believe we Look at the facts before you blindly decide. should aspire to the American system. I Universities need extra money or staff think it is essentially fl awed. I have an ability will decrease, your degree will lose American friend whose education costs international credibility, and you will end £13000 a year. Furthermore, their system up having to pay for a doctorate if you want of awarding undergraduate degrees is any degree prestige. ridiculous. You ‘major’ in something but 22 January 2004 COMMENT 5 New Year, Old Issues In the last week before we finally know the fate of Higher Educa- tion Neil Christie offers up an alternative argument against fees. opinion

Paul, on the page opposite, once wrote cash back into the system that I have loads more graduates for a better-paid an article that was essentially ‘how to benefi ted from. job – despite the fact now graduates be a pikey’. And now he wants to pay The Labour ideals also seem severely end up taking jobs they were as USSU Makes more for something? Are we students fl awed. 50% participation in HE qualifi ed for four years previous then asking for too much? Or is it that being a target? So in ten years time because there’s so much competition the NUS are being seen as the student one in two people will have a graduate as it is. Your Voice Heard voice, and their demands are simply debt of over £40k – how’s that good It essentially doesn’t add up. There too realistic? for the economy with so many people aren’t enough ‘graduate’ jobs to go Over the past months I’ve been effectively having a loan? And 50% round, so the government want more barefacts brings you up to date with how the involved in the fees argument – the of the population needing a degree? of them? The jobs in the service Union Executive have made the UniS stu- March, lobby, researching recent I’m in danger of sounding like sector are paying less because there’s dents’ voice heard in Westminster developments and digging around for grandpa, but think about trying to get so much supply from the graduate all that Blair and his monkey lovers a plumber these days – nightmare, and market, so the government want have had to say on the matter. In when you do you’re looking at a price to further fl ood the market with In recent months the Students’ Union has been leading an attempt to be well-clued up on that’s going to mean re-mortgaging graduate skills – thus driving down the way against top-up fees by mailing out letters to all the proposed system, I fi nd myself your house. I’m a Business student so pay packets, and meaning a prolonged Labour MPs – both those in favour of top-up fees, and completely baffl ed when looking at admittedly have no clue about these duration of loan payment. Oh but those against. USSU wanted to ensure that those against the solution, but I’ll try and report things, but supply and demand shows that’s ok, because they’ll write a the implementation of top-up fees stay that way and are back on my fi ndings thus far. that tradesman are starting to have the graduate loan off after 50 years. encouraged to vote against Blair on this issue, and that those Fact: Higher Education needs more capacity to name their price because Blair’s values don’t add up – and on for top-up fees were reminded of the problems surrounding funding. The Vice Chancellor said there are so few of them. What the this issue it’s not just the opposition the proposed system. this last semester most categorically, government should concentrate on saying so, but a substantial number The letters were relatively extensive without being and you only have to look at his is traditional apprenticeships, not from his own party. What I don’t completely exhaustive – around four pages long, and choice of car to see this. Porsche or boosting the amount of vocational understand is why he’s so hell bent detailed the Union’s argument. Copies of the letters are Ferrari? The poor guy can only afford courses to replace hands-on on putting this through – why not freely available from the media centre in USSU. Since it th a Jag, and is so ashamed to be seen experience. You don’t become a just take a step back and ponder why was mailed out – sometime around the 12 December, there driving it he gets someone else to! master tradesman through reading there may be so much criticism of have been an encouraging number of replies. The content We should be paying more for our books. Fact is, not everyone needs this proposal. Are there better ways of the replies ranges from bemusement, disappointment, and education – but why pay before it’s to go to university, and not everyone of raising cash for HE? There are encouragement. had any benefi t? Students go to should be tunnelled down that road. defi nitely more sensible options. Some MPs have re-enforced their stance against top-up HE in order to better themselves, Certainly not one in two. Is everyone in a secret conspiracy fees and have stated they will continue to question their improve employment potential, and I think access to HE for poorer against Blair because his smile is party’s stance on the proposed system. There were a few boost earnings. Of those earning over students should be improved – fi nance shinier than the guy’s in the Colgate replies from MPs who decided not to indicate whether or £100k per annum, 89% are graduates. should never be a limiting factor. So ad? Unlikely, although possible. The not they were going to vote for or against the motion, in Personally coming out of Uni with a consider the position of a potential proposed system will not solve any true politician style, but instead wrote around the subject £40k debt isn’t appealing – but paying student from a low income family. problems of HE funding that exist at heart. There were also those that stated that there had back vastly more than that over the Choice one is – go out to work, earn currently, and throw up more of their been no forthcoming of a better option for Higher Education course of a lifetime once I’ve reached instant money, and contribute to own. Too many people are criticising funding and so the bill was the only real option to vote for. a level of income that shows I am family income. Or choice two – go to the system for it to be more than just The letter did state that at no time had there seemingly been benefi ting from my education is, I uni, earn nothing for four years, take a few radicals whinging about New any extensive research into other alternatives, but this was feel, just. So cream a few thousand out a loan because the proposed grants Labour. perhaps overlooked or indeed ignored. off me a year once I’m earning a won’t cover living costs (defi nitely not Tony, you muppet, listen up. Not so encouragingly, there were replies from MPs that decent wage – I’d be happy to plough in Surrey), and then compete against were listed as not having signed the Early Day Motion that simply replied with comments that suggested the letter had not even been read. Arguably in methods similar to the PM himself, they had decided to not bother taking on board Non-Conformists - A Living Oxymoron? the viewpoint but forward, and instead rejected the letter by looking at the sender’s address and deciding they can’t Melanie Perkins wonders if those deliberately going against the trends are help us as “We’re not in your constituency”. Of the 13,000 students at Surrey, it’s unlikely that no student whatsoever actually conforming to a common stereotype... in the University is not in a constituency around the country, and the letter was written on behalf of all students at UniS. Since the invention of teenagers in the 1950’s there has been shows that this is something one may grow out of upon USSU are on their way to London on the 27th (next the trend to go against the norm, to make a conscious effort reaching university, further illustrating the point that those Tuesday!) so if you’re interested in coming along to see to be a bit different. What appears to me however is that the that draw attention to themselves are often not the true non the eventual outcome of the top-up fees argument then get majority of self defi ned “Non conformists” conform to at conformists. yourself booked in at the Students’ Union reception. least some group norms. With all the varying groups of non-conformists it’s hard to Looking at the current upper sixth of my old college the non recognise the norm that these groups are reacting against. conformist can be recognised by their baggy clothes (either We are told there is no such thing as normal, are the groups Random Fact of the Week black or fl uorescent it seems) with an array of zips and actually trying to create that norm to conform to as, could be By Matt Adams holes in varying combinations. Dodgy Hawaiian shirts and argued, is the primitive human way? swimming shorts also seem to feature along with owning a It is generally agreed that everyone acting, looking and A lump of pure gold the size of a guitar. speaking the same would create a rather dull and undesirable matchbox can be flattened into a sheet the Whilst expressing your views and opinions is a very world; there is the need for individualism. Through the size of a tennis court! admirable thing to do, do the groups of non-conformist formation of non-conformist groups, is the western world realise that they are living oxymorons? In the majority of becoming the aforementioned undesirable one, supported cases they are all conformists dressing, speaking and so by groups of clones, unable to develop their own ideas and it would appear, thinking similarly. Personal experience opinions? Time will tell. barefacts | be heard 6 THE BIG VOTE 22 January 2004

The coming weeks see the most important time of year for your Students’ Union. In February YOU will be electing the six people who will run USSU for the next year. Whether you’re a first, second, placement, final year or postgraduate student, you can stand to be one of the Sabbatical Officers - the positions are open to ALL students. Being a ‘sabb’ is a full time job, from June 2004 to June 2005, you will be paid around £12,000 and gain some amazing experience for your CV. There are 6 positions - President, and 5 Vice Presidents for Communications and Marketing, Educations and Welfare, Postgraduate Affairs, Societies and Culture and Sports. Pick up a nomination pack from around campus or come and have a chat with any of the current Sabbaticals for more information. Being a Sabbatical is an amazing experience, so why not think about standing?

What are sabbatical positions?

Sabbatical positions are full time positions President Vice President Communications in the Union. Any student who is a student The President is responsible for the The job of Vice President Communications and Marketing is varied, challenging at Surrey can stand. If you are a first year, small task of overseeing the overall and exciting. From your first week in office you will be responsible for producing midway through your course or you are in running of the Union. This means professional standard leaflets (such as the Guide to Life) that will be seen by your final year you can stand. looking after all of the Union’s thousands of students. Your main task is to develop and maintain systems of As a team, Sabbaticals are responsible commercial and membership services communication with all students at Surrey. and held accountable for the entire activities. You will be located with the You will oversee the running of our 24 hour radio station, GU2, as well as Union. They make day-to-day decisions other Sabbaticals in the Membership being editor in chief of the weekly newspaper, barefacts which is read by around about all levels of your Union’s activities. Services area of the Union but 8,000 students every week. This involves working on the design, writing the odd must keep strong relations with the article and coordinating a large team of student volunteers. The Vice President Specifically, you will Commercial Services staff and in Communications and Marketing also has the mammoth task of overseeing the • Serve as a member of the particular must oversee the Union’s Union website, which is about to undergo a relaunch, working with interested Executive Committee finances. students on everything from design to content. • Serve as a member of the As President you will be one of the Your office will be the Media Centre, the base of all things communicationy in Finance and the Staffing first faces from the Students’ Union to the University of Surrey Students’ Union. It may be the largest office of any of committee be seen by new students in Freshers’ the Sabbaticals (or staff!) but that’s for a reason - it will always be buzzing with • Be responsible for the day to day Week. Alongside the Vice Chancellor students working on barefacts, GU2 or using the Oscar Film Unit computer. direction of the Union you will give introductory talks to Being a Sabbatical is an amazing opportunity. Although the pay is marginally less • Work within the Equal thousands of new students, both than your average graduate salary (although £12,000 is more than enough to live opportunities policy of the Union Undergraduate and Postgraduate on for a year) the experience you will gain is priceless. Sabbaticals are amongst the • Serve as Trustee of the Union in their first weeks at Surrey, as well most sought after graduates in the employment world. The experience of running • Develop and implement a plan as meeting new students at smaller a campaign will be one of the best few weeks of your University career, and if of activities with the rest of the informal gatherings. elected, you will have the pleasure of working with an absolutely amazing team of Executive You will be representing students to people in the Membership Services and Commercial areas of the Union. • Involve students in areas of your the University, local community and To find out more about this fantastic opportunity, just pop into the Media Centre work will coordinate student representation (next to pizzaman, and have a chat with Sarah Butterworth. • Be responsible to General within the Union. The President Meeting, Union Council and furthermore has the strongest link Union Committees with the University as they sit on many Vice President education & welfare of their most powerful committees and Benefits of Office in a way acts as a mediator between In a nutshell, the Education and Welfare role will challenge and stretch you, • You will receive an annual the Union and the University. but is very rewarding. Due to the multitude of diverse areas that you work on, allowance of around £11,800. The President is also the Sabbatical every day holds a different challenge. Under the ‘Education’ wing, you will work • You will receive comprehensive Officer who makes sure the with a number of individual students helping them in the process of academic training for your role and democracy of the Students’ Union appeals and complaints. This may involve anything from helping write their initial responsibilities. is put into practice. This means statement, to acting as their representative within the University or in the public • You will receive a free meal in you will make sure the members of sector. This in itself can be a very rewarding aspect of the role, as nothing is better Chancellor’s every day. Executive are working as they should than when a student is given the second chance that they hoped for and this may and the Union committee structure well be down to the support that you gave them. You will develop advanced skills in: is running efficiently. This results in Additionally this role is required to sit on a number of University committees, • Leadership being responsible for ensuring that which provides the perfect opportunity to feedback any problems that have come to • Communication all resolutions of the Union Council, light through your work with individual students and Programme Representatives. • Teamwork which has been stronger than every The rep initiative is also a process that this role traditionally coordinates, from • Planning this year, are implemented. helping with elections, to training and year-long support. • Problem Solving Overall, the President is the The ‘Welfare’ wing is no less diverse than that of education, coordinating the • Presentation figurehead of the Students’ Union. Moving In weekend, where all our new Freshers’ join us, to Senior Residents • Motivating others You will be the point of contact for training and supporting Students’ Union campaigns like ‘Lights, Camera, Action’. outside organisations, in particular This means that you will be working with local MP’s, police representatives, local What do I do next? the media. The President also works residents, wardens and most importantly students on everyday issues that effect Complete this attached nomination form alongside the NUS to help them their life. There are also numerous opportunities to work with students to develop and return it to Union Reception by Fri 6th achieve the goals they set out at the courses that they require such as first aid, safety and welfare volunteers. Feb 2004. beginning of the academic year. There’s so much that can be learnt during your year as a Sabbatical and in the If you want to find out more, pop into If you are just interested, come along Education and Welfare role, there is a wealth of opportunities to develop various the Students’ Union and have a chat to DAVE’s thinking of standing session at life skills. This role is flexible, varied and most importantly it’s interesting with with Pete Tivers. 6pm on Thursday 22nd January. variation every day. Pop in to USSU and see Claire Iles for more information. charity trustee declaration

There is a substantial body of government legislation and case law concerned with our activities and with the conduct of the Executive Committee, who are our trustees.

Below are a list of circumstances which may prevent you from becoming a trustee.

You are not allowed to be a trustee if you:- nomination form • Are under 18 years of age. • Have been convicted at any time of any offence involving deception or dishonesty, unless the conviction is legally regarded as spent; or This form should be handed in to: Jacqui Hollis or Scott Farmer from Monday 26th January 2004 • Are an undischarged bankrupt; or th No nominations will be accepted after 1pm on Friday 6 February 2004 • Have made compositions with your creditors and have not been discharged; or • Have at any time been removed by the Commissioners or by the Court in England, Name of Candidate: Wales or Scotland from being a trustee because of misconduct; or • Are disqualified from being a company director; or Course/Programme: • Have failed to make payments under the county court administrators’ orders. UniS Card Number (7 digits): You may not be employed as student staff during your term of office. I wish to stand for the position of: If you are in any doubt about your eligibility to act as a trustee you should either seek your own legal You will need to get a list of 5 students who wish to nominate you to stand for this position. advice or contact the Charity Commissioners. Please make sure that this is filled in carefully. I have read and understood the criteria (above) for being a trustee and confirm that I am eligible to become a trustee in the event that I am elected. Name Signature UniS Card No. 1. Name: 2. Date of borth: 3. Address 4. Position standing for: 5. Signature: Date: Declaration I am a student at Surrey and a member of the students’ union. I am willing to stand for the position of ……………...... …… on the students’ union executive. Contact details: For Office Use Name of Candidate: I will abide by the constitution, election rules and equal opportunities policy of the union. Position Standing for: Signed: Contact Telephone Number: Date: Contact Address: Contact Email: 8 UNION 22 January 2004 Websites = Art? Culture and Events Officer, Catherine Lee, introduces the wonders of this year’s Arts an Culture week, and tells us why your website could be part of it!

Exciting New Opportunities!

I hope that you had great Christmas and New Year celebrations and ready to rock and roll into 2004. There are loads of fantastic opportunities available for you to get involved with this term, including winning a fantastic prize of a 6 week working holiday in a far fl ung destination such as Peru, Ghana, Romania, Mexico or Sri Lanka! Wow indeed! For more information keep your eyes glued to future editions of Barefacts, and for up to the minute information get yourself on the email list – contact me on the details below to be added.

Traa La Laaa!

In the last week of Semester 1, dedicated and enthusiastic volunteers went along to The Royal Surrey Hospital and sang festive tunes for some people who were attending the day center. There was a great response and a good time (and mince pies) were had by all!

Yoga Anyone? There’s no point beating about the bush, various other Entertainment Societies. the point of this article is Arts and Culture The cultural merit of digital technology Jody Thompson was a runner up in The V Competition which was held last term. This Week. I’ll come clean now – it’s all in is also becoming increasingly recognised; was her entry… the aid of persuading you to get involved, not only digital photography, but also encourage participation, as well as the Internet as a forum for artistic talent. “You can understand why they call it the V Project, volunteering sounds so boring and informing you about what’s lined up to take Producing a page to catch the attention and laborious. It’s not just about helping the elderly or getting bored on an afternoon begging place this year over the course of Week 4. then the loyalty of fellow surfers demands people for money. I saw the leafl et about the V Project but thought it didn’t really apply to I’m not so much of an idealist as to even not only hours spent learning complex me and ignored it. However, several months later I heard from a friend that she is going to try and suggest it’ll be a life-changing programming languages but also a high teach aerobics. experience but on the offchance you happen level of creativity – manipulating and Even though she couldn’t teach it when she offered her services it didn’t matter (no they to be suffering from those pesky January challenging these languages to create a site didn’t let her loose jumping about like a mad man), the V Project said they would sponsor blues [I know I am] hopefully there’ll be at that perfectly represents what you want to her to learn how to teach aerobics. Once she is qualifi ed she will start teaching for free in least something in the week’s programme share with others online. The Internet is the community, mostly to the sort people who can’t afford to pay to go to aerobics. She that’ll catch your eye. Who knows, it may awash with personal websites and blogs also gets to keep fi t herself!!! even be something you never thought - we’ve decided therefore, not to have I thought this all sounded quite good so I’ve signed up to teach yoga. I’ve all ready got would. The full events listing is still in a photography or poetry competition in a basic qualifi cation however UniSport are supporting me to do more training. I think this the process of being fi nalised, but in the barefacts this year; instead it’s all about V Project is contagious as my boyfriend is now coaching the Under 11’s Guildford Saints meantime I’m here to drop just a few hints your websites. Send us details of your football team for a couple of hours on a Saturday morning. about what’s in store. website, along with a brief description, Before you dismiss the V Project just check out what it can do for you plus it looks good The term ‘the arts’ encompasses many and in the Arts and Culture Week edition on the CV :) Even if you’re not sure what you could do if you just give your email address diverse activities [painting and drawing, of barefacts we’ll feature coverage to Carol Main she can update you on what you can do. For example my friend needs two theatre, drama, classical music, opera, of particular highlights as well as a volunteers to train for her aerobics exam - if u like the idea of getting fi t its not a lesson bad sculpture, dance, literature and fi lm], all comprehensive list of all entries we receive. for free!” of which can be further subdivided into Hopefully I’ve whetted your appetite, more specifi c categories. Obviously, it aroused a little anticipation for an exciting For more unbelievably exciting events and information, as well as opportunities galore, wouldn’t be entirely practical for us here Week 4 or at the very least warned you please contact: at Surrey to attempt to stage an opera so that you’re soon to be bombarded with all I’m afraid we’ve had to omit that particular things arty and cultural. In the meantime, Name | Carol Main genre, otherwise we’ve got most of these wave away the January blues, put on Tel | (01483) (68) 3254 covered. There’s a concert in Guildford your computer-programming hats and get Cathedral and one in the PATS building submitting your websites! Email | [email protected] [both featuring music students from this Web | www.ussu.co.uk/volunteering university] and an exhibition of art by Details of your website should be emailed Person | The Activities Centre @ USSU members of staff together with a display by to [email protected] by PhotoSoc in the Lewis Elton Gallery. The Tuesday 3rd February 2004. Oscar Film Unit are in on the act, as are

For more information on the events taking place during Arts and Culture Week (week 4), or to find out more about anything in the article above, email Catherine Lee at [email protected] or pop in to the Union and speak to either Catherine or Chris Hunter (VP Societies and Culture) in the Societies Office in the Students’ Union. 22 January 2004 UNION 9 Have Your Say! Do You GU2? Jay Butcher, USSU’s Chairperson, gives you an update on the exciting events at GU2’s Station Manager, Amelia Lefroy, tells you what’s in store for the New Year... December’s Union Council, and tells you what’s in store this month... Do you GU2? No? Well you should this semester! 2004 holds some very exciting ventures for GU2; new equipment, more outside broadcasts and (drum role please!) a month Firstly welcome back to another semester The Funding the Future Campaign broadcasting around Guildford and beyond on FM! Yes that’s right, no more excuses about at Surrey - already the time is upon us also tasked the Executive to organise a not knowing that 1350AM is the same as 1350MW, or not knowing the web address (we for another Union Council. Last months meeting with local and national MPs and can’t make it much easier than www.gu2.co.uk, sorry!). Over the Christmas break while Council saw approximately 90 Councillors representatives of the NUS and University. you were all drinking in, ahem, moderation, I was busy fi lling forms to see if the Best nd and a further 20 non-voting members of This has been organised for the 2 Student Radio Station (in my opinion) could broadcast for a month on FM. Yes, subject to the student body attending. Council voted February and will provide YOU with an the licence being granted, we will be broadcasting on 107.3FM from the 16th of February, for the Union to amend the Constitution, opportunity to ask the University about with a MASSIVE launch party at the Union in the evening - I can’t wait! And… We need the rule book that the Union operates by, to their stance on Top-Up Fees, the MPs what you! We need to make sure the 10 mile radius hear just how amazing GU2 is, so we need include a Postgraduate Affairs Sabbatical their party’s political stance is on Top-Up people to promote us to local companies and get us some advertising, organise outside Post in the forthcoming Union Elections, Fees and exactly what will be happening broadcasts around campus and beyond, and general make sure everything runs smoothly! that the Union website, www.ussu.co.uk, to Higher Education Funding. This will be Oh, and by the way, Happy New Year from me, and everyone here at GU2! would be hosted by OnCampus UK for the a very useful session to attend since it will next three years, and also that the Union enable you to make informed decisions not would fully support all the NUS actions only regarding the cost of your education regarding the Funding the Future Campaign but also the cost of your siblings’ and which is currently in full swing. children’s education. The Funding the Future Campaign has This month’s Council will be held on the been led by Academic Affairs Offi cer Neil 27th January, the same day as the Lobby. It Christie and myself and letters have been will be held in Season’s Restaurant at 6pm. sent to all Labour MPs urging them to One representative from each society and continue their support for the Early Day sports club are entitled to a vote, and any Motion or indeed to change their stance student can come along. and support the Early Day Motion if they are supporting the Governments plans. The second hearing of the Higher Education Union Council Bill is to take place on the 27th January, and the majority of the Executive are available Seasons Restaurant to attend another Lobby in Westminster. However, we need students there as well. 27.01.04 @ 6pm Email [email protected] for more information or speak to any Exec Offi cers. Charity Dinner Dance 2004 Chris ‘Chef’ Connor reminds us what we’ll be missing if we’re not at one of the biggest events of the year in February...

If you were a regular reader of our award- Dinner Dance and since then over 15,000 the 2 charities and therefore enable them winning newspaper last semester, you people have been entertained and over to increase facilities and develop research would have seen the article about the £150,000 has been raised for various undertaken thereby benefi ting hundreds and Federal Charity Dinner Dance. This event charities. Each year the committee chooses thousands of people. In addition this will is just a few weeks away, and having two charities to benefi t from the proceeds create a better understanding of what either been organised in conjunction with the of the dance. This year the chosen charities one does. Students’ Union and Senate House, is an are Tommy’s, a charity dedicated to saving offi cial university event. Held on Saturday babies’ lives, researching the causes of Ok, so is there a catch? 7th February at the luxurious 5* London baby deaths and providing information The simple answer here is no! The ticket Intercontinental, located on Hyde Park for mothers, and Cherry Trees, a Surrey cost of £65 is agreeably more than you Corner, London, this event does not clash based charity providing respite care for would pay for a normal night out in the on campus at 6pm and returning at with any other and is set to be one of THE handicapped children. Union (well except for maybe the Hockey 2am; this however must be pre-booked. events of the university calendar. and Rugby team!) however considering Accommodation is also available at What do I get? what you get, along with knowing that the venue and a 50% discount has been So I hear you asking…… On arrival there will be a free champagne you are raising money for 2 worthy negotiated for all guests attending the ball reception, followed by a sumptuous three- charities, there is no better way to enjoy the (this includes full English breakfast!) What’s it all about? course meal (plus sorbet!) accompanied by experience of a 5* London venue. Check out the posters around campus for Starting in 1967 a group of hotel and wine. Throughout the evening, various live ticket sale details, however if you require catering students decided to host a ball to entertainers will be performing, including So who can go? further information, feel free to either email raise money for charities within the local magicians, a caricaturist, an illusionist, Considering 18 other institutions are us at [email protected] or check community. This was named the Charity and a 7-piece dance band. On top of this a associated with the university, and coupled out our website, www.dinnerdance.info. vodka luge will give you that extra ‘pzazz!’ with the signing of a Deed of Federation A photographer will also be on hand to nearly 4 years ago, all students and staff Also look out for events over the coming provide you with that individual/group of the Federal University are invited. One weeks, including ‘Jazz and Cocktails’ in photo to remember the evening by. guest is also allowed per person. Chancellors this coming Friday (3 for 2 cocktails) followed by ‘Flirt’ in the Union, Why should I go? And that’s it! A coach service is running with Timmi Magic and £1.50 a shot Our aim is to raise much needed funds for on the evening, leaving from NatWest fl avoured vodka luge!

22 January 2004 PROFESSIONAL 11 Dr Russ Replies RAG Conference 2004 Catherine Marshall spills the beans about exactly what happened when the UniS careers guru, Dr Russ, gives you the lowdown on all things job related. USSU Raggies headed to Manchester for the RAG Conference

I’m thinking of putting a curriculum out the irrelevant. This could mean it ends This January the National RAG Training good fortune we headed back to our hotel vitae together. Is there a recommended up on one page though most Surrey students Conference took place at UMIST in only to realise that we had come without a way for doing it? fi nd that two pages is just right. Three pages Manchester. RAG Committee members corkscrew, luckily Simon from Aston RAG is probably too long. Zoe Kilb (Chair) and Catherine Marshall saved the day and a litre of red wine was Let me say, fi rst of all, that there are no (Publicity Offi cer) attended along with quickly devoured to kick start the last night. rules about this. I’ve been collecting CV’s Any other advice? students from over 27 other RAGs from The theme of the last night party was for years and they are all different. One of across the UK. Catherine Marshall explains ‘Heaven and Hell’ – which Zoe got into them is presented in the form of a cartoon Yes, it’s advisable to put your education more…. the spirit of by nicking my devil’s horns! strip, another one has a picture of someone and your employment in reverse date order Conference this year was a two-day event Soon after discovering that red wine and trapped inside a bubble with the caption as most employers are more interested in packed full of seminars, workshops and pretty much everything else (including underneath “untapped potential”. Mind you, your degree than in your GCSE results. lectures, covering topics such as ‘Collecting whisky) doesn’t mix Zoe and I had let for most jobs it will not be in your interests You can do the same for your employment Techniques’, ‘Project Management’, and go of our inhibitions and were boogying to produce an unusual CV. It should look so long as the most recent is also the ‘Effective Publicity’. Running alongside away on the dance fl oor with the best of attractive, but not bizarre. You’d do well to most relevant. It’s perfectly OK, by the these was a charity fair where we had the them. Perhaps the highlight of the night get it laser printed on decent quality paper. way, to put all your relevant jobs together opportunity to talk to reps from the 36 was when everyone got up to dance to It is also a good idea to embolden a few key under the heading Relevant Employment charities who attended, fi nd out more about ABBA’s ‘Dancing Queen’ which was a words such as your degree subject or job and leave the rest under a heading Other them how we could help them and sign up tribute to ex-Reggie Barry Clements, who titles, especially where they are relevant to Employment. to receive more information. was tragically killed in a car accident the job you’re applying for. During the evenings it was a chance for shortly before Christmas. Barry was well Do you have any examples to help me get everyone to let their hair down, have a liked and respected throughout not only the What about the content? started? laugh and a few drinks. It was also a great RAG world but also as a Charity rep for the opportunity for Zoe and myself to meet Anthony Nolan Trust. Most of the people What you choose to put in your CV is There is a model CV on the Careers Service up with some old friends and to fi nally there had known Barry but the atmosphere crucial. I’ve seen a 5-page CV with the website at http://portal.surrey.ac.uk/ put faces to the names of the people we was uplifting rather than morbid and person’s life history on it. Bearing in mind careers. There are also copies in the have been communicating with over the everyone had a great time and a few drinks the average CV gets about two minutes of Careers Service. Finally, if you’d like ukrag.net forums (an online discussion for Barry too. The night ended at 3am, and an employer’s time, this doesn’t seem like someone in the Careers Service to check board for RAGs across the UK).The fi rst the next morning bleary eyed myself and a good idea. So you have to be selective. over your CV once you’ve put it together, evening was spent in the Student’s Union Zoe stumbled down to the train station at If your degree has included a Professional then we’d be glad to. bar (also named ‘Harry’s’!) where an 10am to catch our train home. And another Year, for example, it is probably in your auction was held in aid of Marie Curie RAG conference was over! interests to give this greater prominence than PS Take a look at the new Spring Cancer Care - a mountain bike, two One of the (many) great things about other more casual jobs. If you are going for Careers supplement, containing details fridges, 100 T-shirts and a weekend away RAG is that it works on a national level. degree-related employment it helps to of careers events, workshops, talks etc, managed to raise over £500 for the charity. RAG Societies from Universities and provide a breakdown of your course in order which is available in your departments, Unfortunately us students were all too colleges across the UK regularly come to emphasise the relevant subjects you have in the Careers Service or on the website broke so the bidding was mainly down to together at training events such as National covered. Basically, you’ve got to anticipate mentioned above. the charity reps (many of whom are ex- Conference, and for big street collections what the employer wants to read and leave Raggies). After an excellent night in the bar like London Loot and Midland Mania for (£1.50 a drink? why oh why did I go to a example. These events not only enable Southern University??) I ended up playing RAGs to raise loads of money for charity Do you have a careers related question that you think Dr Russ drinking games with a load of random but also to share tips and ideas and could help with? Then pop into the careers service (next to the people (namely Manchester and Bangor generally have an even better time than students) soon realising that I have been they would on their own. When not meeting Accommodation Office) for a chat with one of their friendly advisors. seriously misusing my time at University. up at these events UK Raggies often On the last night our efforts at the Charity communicate through the online forums at Fair clearly paid off as we managed to get www.ukrag.net. As well as the forums the our names entered for various raffl es of website is full of lots of useful information some of the new friends the Raggies made at conference which I won three bottles of wine from the on how to run a RAG society. For anyone fabulous Meningitis Research Foundation interested in how RAG works at a National and Zoe won a £10 Threshers voucher from level and at other Universities it’s well The Children’s Trust (Whom we raised worth a look at. £160 for last semester). Delighted at our RAG Events this Semester Collection for The Meningitis Research Collection for The Terrence Higgins Foundation Trust This Saturday (24th January) RAG will Fancy dress street collection in Guildford be teaming up with City University RAG Town Centre. Collect for the morning to collect for The Meningitis Research or the afternoon or the whole day on Foundation during a Meatloaf concert Saturday 7th February. To sign up come at Wembley Arena. FREE tee-shirt for to RAG 2004 next Tuesday, or email every collector, and transport expenses [email protected] will be paid for. To get involved or to fi nd out more email [email protected]

RAG | Raising and Giving | [email protected] Tue

FILM THEATRE Neil Boulton presents Daisy Clay gives a low a Lord of the Rings ex- down on what’s on in travaganza, plus a good Guildford and Woking old ‘classic of the week’ over the next few - The Italian Job months.

The King Returns, Hobbits Rejoice Neil Boulton offers his take on the last of the Lord of the Rings trilogy, which hit the cinemas in December

And lo it was Christmas and lo throughout spectacle I know I’d rather that they tied the burrows and hillocks of England every loose end (Could’ve sorted out the you couldn’t move for Hobbit-abilia. All fading though). The knowledge that even manner of merchandise decked the halls more footage left out to trim down the run- of shops far and wide, 2-or-more disc time is on the horizon for next Christmas or DVD packs were heavy in circulation sooner is upsetting – Especially because the and the good cinema going public were footage will undoubtedly show the fate of revelling, or adjusting their seat cushions in Saruman, who’s kind of missing from the discomfort at the next batch of 45 minutes film. (Actors squabbling about other actor’s of additional footage presented to them scenes affecting their scenes… Christopher anew. More importantly lo, The Return Of Lee’s boycotting the film because of his The King started showing in cinemas and scenes not making the theatrical cut.). I the beginning of the end… well, began. can’t really find anything to fault the film, More then being just the third film in a despite being third film down the line it’s franchise this film is finishing the ends left the best of the bunch. What Peter Jackson’s dangling by its predecessor, it does this given us is cinematic excellence, the story well enough barrelling pretty much straight is told well, there’s vistas with postcard into the conclusions of The Two Towers. potential everywhere and the epic fights Gandalf and Aragorn go off from seeing are outstanding, plus a cgi character that is the Ent’s victory to warn Gondor’s steward nowhere near as annoying as Jar-Jar Binks of the rather large group of nasty people ever was (my opinion on this will probably plodding towards their city. Meanwhile… of Mount Doom. Aragorn has decided with both hands. However the basic plot’s change over time, the word ‘precious’ somewhere in the darker recesses or to reclaim his throne, so he sets about simple as not to cause anyone fresh into causes a sharp pain behind my eyes when Mordor Frodo and his Hetero-Life Mate making sure the good guys win, going on a the series too much discomfort about not said with the wrong accent). In conclusion, Sam keep truckin’ on with Gollum to melt recruitment drive for some undead soldiers. knowing what’s going on, so it works in it’s good – Providing us with an anti- down the ring deep in the fiery bowels Meanwhile Frodo and Sam have more than both contexts. There are good guys and bad climactic review for a very climactic film. the supposedly reformed Gollum to deal guys, easily distinguishable. And they fight. with, there’s also a room sized spider in And it looks bloody marvellous. Whether their way. it’s the hand to hand Orc bludgeoning With reviewing this film I’m trying to or the excessively fancy war-elephant commit myself to a two sided approach, toppling, it never looks like Morris dancing because end-of-a-trilogy or not the film with swords. The film’s ending was a tad should stand ground as a film in its own bewildering, it’s off-putting to watch a film right. The beginning of the film didn’t fade to black as if to end only for the plot seem to care much if you’d seen the last to keep on going. Around 5 times. Given film or not digging straight into things that it’s the end of a truly epic cinematic The Lord of Rings a little rant about extended edition DVDs

As a writer for barefacts I feel it’s my the releasing of progressively grander DVD duty to vent spleen about the Lord of the sets, usually a few months after the first. Rings DVDs for a second. Now I do not They’re not the first to do it (Dogma… doubt their quality, the releases so far all grrrr…). It’s just very annoying if you’ve seem packed to gills with choice tid-bits of brought one of the earlier ones not knowing interesting LOTR related information and the future release round the corner. The big very welcome sight of additional footage. picture is that in about a year from now It’s a shame they had to be cut down for there’s going to be a huge 15 disc DVD the cinema, but 4 hours plus for a film set covering all 3 films with even more without a break would push some people’s new gubbins and footage. Or… I might be limits, although it would certainly increase wrong. cinematic value, think of it as being £1.50 an hour to watch a film instead of £2.00 by Neil Boulton plus. Anyway, the spleen venting is about [email protected] 22 January 2004 FILM 15 Extra Terrestrial - The Week Ahead So many choice films were on over Christmas it was unbelievable – and they showed Scrooge’d.

BY NEIL BOULTON Aces. It’s a good season for film’s at the moment – Just look at Saturday and Sunday, a choice FILM EDITOR smattering of films, too bad many of them clash. Despite that though, the variety is superb.

Sunday 25rd January Thursday 22nd January Five | The Goonies | Yes, The Goonies. A troup of thrill-seeking tykes set out in Five | Vertical Limit | Climbing action/adventure piece. Chris O’Donnell is trying 5:55pm – search of lost treasure after fi nding an old pirate map in an attic, leading them 8:00pm – to fi nd his sister he lost somewhere up the wrong end of K2. Sort of similar to 8:30pm to an underground cavern. But the pirate who left the map wasn’t going to 10:25pm the ground Cliff hanger spasm-ed over back in the day. Might be fun, might be make it easy for them, leaving traps a plenty his wake. One of the nostalgia awful. fan’s favourites this. Channel 4 | Doc Hollywood | Michael J. Fox is well on the road to becoming a successful Channel 4 | Rumble In The Bronx | Jackie Chan ahoy! As usual he plays a Honk Kong 10:00pm – plastic surgeon, that is until he crashed his car somewhere inconvenient and 9:00pm – copper and today he’s vacationing in New York and ends up using his martial 12:00am gets slapped on the wrist with some community service. Initially dreading the 10:35pm arts prowess to help out a friend whose shop is the target of a gang of street more public clinic work ahead of him he fi nds more than he expected. nasties. Not the best Jackie Chane fi lm, but wonderful all the same. Friday 23rd January BBC1 | Con Air | An outstandingly brainless action barnstormer from the production 10:15pm – powerhouse that is Jerry Bruckheimer. Nicholas Cage plays a convict on his Five | Memphis Belle | World War II fl ying drama based on a true story (so, complete 12:05am way home in a special convict housing aircraft when the criminals rebel and 9:00pm – truth bending might be the order of the day) following the young crew of the take the plane. He sets about helping US marshal John Cusack to get the plane 11:05pm titular B-17 Flying Fortress. It turns out the crew’s fi nal journey to complete back in the right hands. John Malkovich, Ving Rhames and Steve Buschemi all a mission over journey will be their most danger- and arduous. Eric Stolz and provide extremely memorable turns as the convicts. Billy Zane star. ITV | Of Mice And Men | More Malkovich, in the 2nd adaptation of John Steinbeck’s BBC1 | Road Games | I only dragged this one up for consideration because it has 12:20am – novel about the American depression, Malkovich is the slow-witted gentle 12:45am – Stacy Keach in it, and I hardly see Stacy Keach in anything. Stacy plays a truck 2:20am giant Lennie and Gary Sinise plays his self-appointed minder George. Their 2:20am driver taking the law into is one hands after the police get nowhere solving dreams for the future are constantly shattered by Lennie’s temper as they move a chain of gruesome murders, he recruits a young hitcher to help him in his through the state. quest. It also stars Jamie Lee Curtis, but that’s far from important. Saturday 24th January Monday 26th January Channel 4 | Wild Side | Obligatory Christopher Walken fi lm time. Although today it’s a Channel 4 | East Is East | Comedy drama surrounding the cultural tensions of an Anglo- 12:35am – hard-hitting drama affair where a female banker’s fi nancial situation causes her 9:05pm – Pakistani family in Manchester around the early 1970s - Despite having 2:35am to fall into prostitution, coming into contact with men who brutalise her. If this 10:55pm married an English woman himself the father of a family is adamant that his is a bit heavy there’s always Carry On Camping on BBC1 at 11:30pm sons won’t follow the same path as him and so arranges brides for each of them. Tuesday 27th January Five | Poltergeist | A house built on a graveyard is the setting for a tale of ghostly BBC1 | Doctor In Trouble | Leslie Phillips & Harry Secombe! Last of the ‘Doctor’ 9:05pm – torment as rather unfriendly spirits enter the house and abduct the fi ve year old 12:20am – comedies where a doctor follows his girlfriend in order to propose to her 11:20pm daughter of the couple who live there… through the TV set. Directed by Tobe 1:50am before she goes off working around the world on a cruise ship and ends up as a Hooper (Texas Chain Saw Massacre) and produced by Steven Spielberg the stowaway. He’s discovered and is put to work by the ships captain. fi lm’s one of the famous horror’s of the eighties. Wednesday 28th January ITV | The Eagle Has Landed | Another World War II fi lm – A Super-troop of crack 10:50pm – Nazi paratroopers are being sent deep into England with the goal of kidnapping BBC1 | The Thirteenth Floor | Virtual Reality is running the show in this thriller, a 1:10am Winston Churchill and drag him back to Germany. What’s more they’ve chosen 11:20pm – scientist is murdered after making an important discovery, however he left an an English-loathing Irishman to lead the charge. Sounds quite random for a 1:00am important letter deep within a virtual reality parallel world. His colleague has World War II fi lm. Michael Caine & Donald Sutherland participate. to retrieve the letter to prove his innocence and put the world to rights.

The Italian Job (the good one) by Neil Boulton Classic of the Week Sticking with the theme of the year that was, classic of the chasing Professor Peach (Benny Hill) assembled, Charlie is great - It contains some great action scenes and is steeped week duties for this week shall be fi lled byThe Italian Job. heads off to Italy with team in tow. The gold is to be in comedy throughout. On paper the car chase scenes Hopefully a loving rose-tinted glance at this fl ick from the displaced from Italian hands by a trio of specially adjusted probably don’t sound that wonderful - “minis are pursued sixties will help cleanse the memories of the remake from minis (Red, White and Blue ones no less) and getting out by fi ats down busy street” but when you see the little last year from our minds. I’m probably being harsh, as they through their self-fabricated traffi c jam and over the Alps blighters speed, swerve and ingeniously park their way were doomed to receive heaps of criticisms from the get isn’t going to be a walk in the park. through piazzas, pipes and public works to the decongested go: a.) for making a remake of The Italian Job and b.) for As its classic of the week you can rightly assume the fi lm roads you can’t help but marvel and enjoy yourself. re-locating one of the fi nest acts of British Xenophobia to Michael Caine conjures up lush acres of dead pan humour, America. However it should be noted that Xenophobia isn’t Noel Coward’s prim and proper mastermind is outstanding the aim of it’s game, more of a coincidence which people and the supporting cast provide some solid laughs as well seem to have taken a shine to, because behind the fl ags, the (Benny Hill is great. And then there’s Arthur). There’s oft accents and the locals there is a superb heist fi lm bursting quoted quotes aplenty and it also possesses one hell of an out. ending - one lauded by many (The nod in Guy Ritchie’s After being released back into society Michael Caine, similarly British tour-de-force Lock, Stock & Two Smoking playing cockney miscreant Charlie Crocker, is left a plan by Barrels sticks out like a sore thumb.). a murdered associate which stands to bring in some serious Despite the fact it’s from the sixties (You can also fi nd money, the job is basically to steal $4 in Italian gold in the humour in some of the fashions and computer technology) middle of the mother of all traffi c jams. He can not execute it’s still a great watch today. Given it’s England vs. Italy this steal of the century on his own, so he re-breaks back themes and all it’s well… British-ness… it seems to stand into his former prison to convince Noel Coward’s uber- tall as a beacon for all that is British, even though it’s patriotic kingpin Mr Bridger to help. Backing secured and a British in a more classical sense. One quote for the road: team of able hands, even more able drivers and the chubby- “Hold on lads, I’ve got an idea”. 16 LITERATURE 22 January 2004

The Phantom of the Opera by Gaston Leroux LiteratureLiterature Editor, Jen Walker, brings us a review of The Phantom of the Opera - not the musical, but the relatively unknown original text that the infamous musical originated from.

Immortalised by Andrew Lloyd-Webber’s and that he had based it on a real life Although surprisingly based on a true even begins to feel affection for him. She musical, Phantom of the Opera is a story tragedy that had happened in the past) has story, Leroux did not write it as a historical fi nds that her own trauma is nothing in that is very familiar to society; however the lead to one of the most moving and tragic documentation, it is a real life tragic legacy comparison to his desperation for love, original text, which the musical is based on, gothic stories in literature. that has been intertwined and embraces the the obsession to be seen as a man and not still remains a relatively unknown literary Phantom of the Opera opens with a imagination of the author in such a way as a freak, monster. Although her heart gem. witness account of the ghost, which by the that Gaston Leroux makes Phantom of the belongs totally to Raoul, she is inspired by Written in just three months by French end of the fi rst page has the reader sucked Opera his own. his horror, and by the music he composes journalist Gaston Leroux, Phantom of the into Leroux’s fl amboyant horror with When I read this book I ignored the fact in his underground establishment; after Opera is based on the legend of the “ghost” suspense. The fi rst few chapters introduces it was based on true events, but as a story trying to kill herself for being kept prisoner of the Paris Opera House. Leroux wrote it the reader to the legend and the mystery by its self I found it extremely tragic and by the living corpse, Erik imprisons her as a journalistic investigation behind the of the Opera ghost, such as mystery of disturbing. The character of the ghost and gives her an ultimatum to become his mystery (in the introduction the author “box 5” (which has sole usage for the otherwise known as Erik has to hide in wife. Despite the circumstances of this writes that the Opera “ghost” really existed opera ghost) and the dark circumstances secret under the opera house, scouring the “engagement” she begins to warm to him, regarding the manager’s resignation due to secret passages like a rat due to his facial and does not shudder or back away when the apparent supernatural events occurring, disfi gurement described many times as he kisses her, he is moved to tears by this however the plot thickens when the interest making him “a living corpse”; out of all and she also fi nds herself reacting the same of the “ghost” turns to a young opera singer the characters in the tale I fi nd sympathy way to his emotions. All the characters Christine Daaé, whom he kidnaps hoping to mostly for Erik. The other characters are feel respect and pity for Erik, even though win her love for him. Her rich, aristocratic stereotyped as “good” as they are normal he behaves as a stereotypical villain or lover Raoul de Chagny plays the hero in appearance, where as Erik is ugly, a monster, he is possibly one of the most and dashes off down to the bowels of the horror, a monster. Although by nature he is human and tragically beautiful characters in opera house for the rescue from the fi end. not a villain, he is completely driven to act the book. He lets Christine go as he realises The Parisian Opera house is the perfect like one by his loneliness and the fear and that she truly loves Raoul and by her faking location for Leroux’s gothic horror story, prejudice in the way other people react to her love for him will just result in heartache with its maze like secret passages and its his disfi gured appearance. The underlying for the both of them, and he eventually dies subterranean lake, especially apt for a story element of Erik’s tragedy reminded me of of a broken heart. such as Phantom of the Opera with its need Frankenstein’s monster or the Elephant The book concludes with the account of for theatrical illusions to fuel and explain Man, however it makes the book even the “Persian” whom Leroux interviewed its mystery. more disturbing to fi nd that someone such about the tragedy when he was researching As a novel, the writing style is extremely as Erik existed, driving into the reader that his book. Phantom of the Opera is a easy to read and has a modern feel to this kind of prejudice existed and still exists fantastically moving tale, inspiring both it, as it was written in 1911, it is also today. horror and beauty at the same time it is one of those books that has the purpose Christine, although kidnapped and taken really a true gothic tale; camoufl aged in of telling a good story, no religious or to the mysterious underground lake that fantasy, yet is as real as that pages in the political propaganda behind it, just a true exists under the opera house by corpse book. tale shrouded in mystery and suspense. faced Erik, begins to pity him, and she

The Fall of Man By John Rye Have I done something wrong? Have I upset you in some way? The way we never seem to speak any more. I guess it isn’t really all that important; But you’ve meant a lot to me in the past, Dug me out of some very dark places, But you’ve cast me to the depths as well. I don’t quite understand What happens with us; Around some people we’re fi ne, Around others you’re a different person. I don’t know if it’s you Or if it’s the way I behave, But things have changed, And I’m not sure I like it, I just wish things could be like they were, Like we once were. 22 January 2004 THEATRE 17 surreytheatre G u i l d f o r d & W o k i n g Whatever your taste in theatre may be, Guildford and Woking have got something for you this semester! From comedy to musical, fairytale to Shakespeare, as well as one-off shows, Daisy Clay takes a look at what’s on offer in the following weeks…

Some lesser known productions are coming to Guildford this term, but certainly no Fancy a combination of theatre, dance, comedy and percussion, then Stomp is for you. reduction in the quality of performances! It should be noted that many of the shows that Or perhaps you’d like to take yourself back to childhood with the fairytales Sleeping begin their performing life at the Yvonne Arnaud go onto claim yet more success at the Beauty or Cinderella. Maybe you want something that will get you singing, and if so New Victoria Woking. The Yvonne Arnaud kicks off the new year with numerous one- Carousel or Grease would suit perfectly. Even if you’re not so sure about theatre, then night shows, including an audience with the fi rst lady of television war correspondence go and be wowed by the psychological powers of mind-reading illusionist Derren Kate Adie. Also on the bill are comedies from Alan Ayckbourn and Noel Coward, some Brown. classic Shakespeare, and something that really catches the eye – Zipp! – one hundred musicals squeezed into just 90 minutes in a style similar to the Reduced Shakespeare The Importance of Being Earnest | Monday 26 - Saturday 31 January Company. Joseph | Monday 2 - Saturday 7 February Glen Miller | Sunday 8 February at 7:30 pm Sugar Daddies | 14 – 24 January Stomp | Tuesday 10 - Sunday 15 February Summoned by Betjeman | 27 January Sleeping Beauty | Monday 16 - Thursday 19 February Kate Adie | 28 January Cinderella | Friday 20 - Saturday 21 February Flanders & Swann Drop Another Hat | 29 January Holy Terror | Monday 23 - Saturday 28 February Cosi Fan Tutte | 30 – 31 January The Play What I Wrote | Monday 1 - Saturday 6 March The Marquise | 2 – 7 February Hms Pinafore | Monday 8 - Saturday 13 March Trap for a Lonely Man | 9 – 14 February Carousel | Monday 15 - Saturday 20 March Tom’s Midnight Garden | 17 – 21 February Footloose | Monday 22 - Saturday 27 March The Merchant of Venice | 23 – 28 February Abigails Party | Monday 29 March - Saturday 3 April The Dumb Waiter & Other Pieces | 1 – 6 March Whistle Down The Wind | Monday 5 - Saturday 17 April Zipp! | 8 – 13 March Derren Brown | Sunday 25 April at 7:30 pm Philadelphia, Here I Come | 16 – 20 March Woman In Black | Monday 26 April - Saturday 1 May Cat On A Hot Tin Roof | 22 – 27 March Play Without Words | Tuesday 4 - Saturday 8 May Full Circle | Monday 10 - Saturday 15 May Grease | Monday 24 - Saturday 29 May The Drifters | Sunday 6 June at 7:30 pm Tosca | Thursday 10 - Friday 11 June The Full Monty | Tuesday 7 - Saturday 18 September

If you would like to review any of these shows, email barefacts’ theatre editor Daisy Clay at [email protected]

How to get to... Guildford’s Yvonne Arnaud Theatre How to get to... New Victoria Theatre, Woking

By foot from campus: Box Offi ce (01483) 440000 By car: Woking is just a 10 minute drive Leave campus by the bottom www.yvonne-arnaud.co.uk/ from Guildford, and parking is free in the of University Court, go across Peacocks car park after 6pm. The New Yorkie’s bridge, down the hill Victoria Theatre is part of the Peacocks and turn right to go into the Centre in central Woking, easily accessible town centre. Walk past the from the M25 (Jct 10,11), M3 (Jct 3) and train station and down Bridge A3. Street. Then turn right along Onslow Street (past the Friary By train: Woking is also just a 10 minute Shopping centre), cut through train journey from Guildford, with trains the pedestrianised Friary Street, going every 5-20 minutes between continue along Millbrook past Guildford and Woking. Debenhams. The Theatre is just past this large building on the Box Offi ce (01483) 545 900 right. www.theambassadors.com/newvictoria/ 18 MUSIC 22 January 2004

originality or distinctiveness The New that separates them from just OK, so Yorkers rework Pink Floyds another up and coming band. here we are, One of the Comfortably Numb kicking it Harder To Breathe does have the fi rst Barefacts breakthrough artists into an electronic dance fl oor a bit of a catchy radio friendly after Christmas, and of last year with platinum hit defi nitely one to keep an sound that may please or annoy, we have to sift through the selling Dutty Rock, Sean Paul eye on in 2004. What lets hope future releases can usual dross that has been sent to (Beatwax) offers another taste do you get when you mix show this is just a one off rather us. So what’s up fi rst? DMX’s Get It of his Ragga, this time teaming Peaches (XL recordings) with singlesOn the Floor (Bloodline Records). then a trend. up with the soulful vocals of Iggy Pop, Kick it, one of the It was released the week after Christmas, which Sasha. I’m Still In Love is highlights off the Peaches Air’s (Source) Not to be is surely the best time to release a record, as everybody not up to Sean’s normally high recent album, Fatherfucker. In released single Cherry Blossom else is too bloated from left over turkey sandwiches to standards, slower tempo hits a this combination of modern Girl is available for download be bothered, hence it’s the best time to default your way to the groove but never steps it up. and classic raw vocal delivery for one day only (last week, top(ish) of the charts. That said, the gravel-voiced rapper-cum-actor should delight more but is still a sorry) but is a worthy inclusion has done well to have the track produced by Swizz Beatz, who add some Have they not split up yet? worthy offering . on eld performing live daniel beddingfi their forthcoming album pounding beats and a neat little tune (even if any old 10 year old could Evidently not, Ocean Colour Welcome to the world out later this month. Cherry play it on their Bontempi arse-500 that they just got for Chrimbo). Scene (Sanctuary) still stuck in of Basement Jaxx (XL Blossom Girl sees Air at their a time warp return with all the Recordings) the recipe to best recreating the vibe achieved Next we have The Unisex with their agriculturally infl uenced (or not) characteristic melodic charm success, add one vocalist by the fantastic Moon Safari LP Pigs and Their Farms (Shifty Disco). It starts off like The Stone of the good old Indie hey day (Kekaula of the Bellrays), a in the mystically brooding chill Roses, but then runs into a chorus which is quite Smiths-gone-epic. The in Golden Gate Bridge. The commercial but underground out single of the year, so far. b-side is quite good too, adding a James/Levellers bounce to it all. Right. b-side shows Ocean Colour edge, sleek production skills January is generally I’ll take a breather here. I need to get my composure. I’m now sitting Scene at their best in the live and leave to boil for four and the month new bands fi ght for eye to eye (metaphorically of course, I’m not weird or anything) with environment with an excellent a half minutes to create this the place at a rather quite time, Easyworld’s latest offering – ‘Til the Day (Jive Records). rendition of The River Boat tasty treat that is Good Luck. pop funkers Scissor Sisters Their fi rst releases were brilliant pogosome power-pop, but to say I song reliving the glory days. Overpowering, eloquent and (Polydor) combination of 80’s was disappointed with their last release would be an understatement of Debut single from American extremely catchy set to be a cliché, electronic bleeps and colossal proportions. Well I’ve got to pick it up and put it on, damn I Maroon 5 (J records) are tipped dance fl oor smash. clappers is defi nitely a breath of have to review it! OK, here I go… There’s piano! And it’s slow! What’s as the big thing but will need fresh air. going on? It’s actually a great track which has an incredible uplifting yet to show more innovativeness, by Matt Badcock introspective dichotomy going on. Good, I can relax a bit more now. Or can I?

BLUR @ The next track up is by Brighton weirdos The Eighties Matchbox B- Brixton Academy Line Disaster. It’s entitled Mister Mental (No Death/Universal), 2nd December 2003 and well, the clue is in the title! The lyric asks if we suffer from mental, and I’m sure we all would if we listened to this track enough. My Radar is expertly executed It’s a brilliant lump of quirky rock and roll at its best, with a mean and driving forth to the fantastic For moody guitar line complementing the almost malicious vocals. Blurs home coming Tomorrow. Dedicated to his gigs sees them take residence mum and dad the tempo drops Now onto our fi nal tune. It’s Franz Ferdinand’s Take Me Out gigsMy at Brixton academy for three once more to grower, Good (Domino Records). If you haven’t heard it already, Morning nights of reminiscing, homage Song and the emotional To The where have you been? Strangely, the chances are you’ve missed the Jacket @ Mean and celebration from the Brit End showing the strength and fi rst minute, which has been lopped off the front end of the radio Fiddler 20th November 2003 Pop era to this years critically consistent quality Blur have version. These fi rst sixty seconds sound like a different song altogether. acclaimed Think Tank. Having achieved album after album. It’s quite generic Strokes-like garage rock, until the beat gradually Kentucky’s, My Morning Jacket risen above the waves of Brit Some thirteen years of Blur slows down and steadily morphs into what must be one of the breeze through the UK on a Pop and that famous public has seen a change in personnel best singles of 2004 (yes I know it’s only January, but whistle stop tour promoting showdown with northern hard but one thing does not change it’s that good), with it’s sharp-cornered punk-funk 2003 impressive It Still Moves. knocks Oasis the clean cut and that’s their ability not to that just begs you to jump out of your chair and Opening tonight’s performance Londoners, Blur fronted by disappoint. dance. The only downside is that within the excellent Mahgeetah sets the then pin up Damon Alburn milliseconds we will have umpteen southern rockers on their way have undertook a signifi cant by Matt Badcock other groups of art students from crating a fantastic raw sound change in these ten or so years. Glasgow forming bands as echoing the capacity compact None is this more evident than the bandwagon starts to venue. Barefooted and draped in 2003, Think Tank teaming up form… long fl ailing hair masks Jim’s face with Norman Cook making up occasionally turning his back as a large but worthy proportion by Jon Allen another guitar reverb glints along of tonight’s performance. The heartfelt vocals. My Morning brooding BeatleBum opens, Jacket takes you on a wild journey with its irresistible guitar loop into their mad world of frantic illustrating the beginning of jamming taking in Golden and low Blurs transition from Indie lay tempo Bermuda Highway. Jim about’s to the mature refi ned steals the limelight and moment band gracing the stage. Tender of the evening as he appears brings choir harmonies with solely on stage accompanied by Coxens solo erased by soulful an acoustic guitar proceeding to vocals almost making you forget tackle three more heart warming his departure in this jazzed up gems illustrating his fi ne talent. version. The unforgettable bass My Morning Jacket put in a strong line scorches the academy and performance, style and constant a sea of bodies leap in tandem jamming is not for all but a great while Damon enthusiastically live talent all the same. jumps around to Parklife’s thumping Boys and Girls. A by Matt Badcock rare live outing for Music Is 22 January 2004 MUSIC 19

GARY JULES THE TRADING SNAKEOIL STROKES FOR WOLFTICKETS cont. @ Alexandra Adventure/Sanctuary Records Palace Gary Jules’ curiously titled So, a certain band has had yet another MADRUGADA second album, following year of intense hype and media attention in the albumshotly on the tail of his equally wake of their new album, Room on Fire. Their shows GRIT Music For Nations remarkable Christmas number towards the end of 2003 were the fi rst time they had played in the one, is a much more countrifi ed UK for a while, and the two shows at Alexandra Palace sold out within affair than his cover of Tears gigstwenty minutes! Their support was from Rough Trade label-mates British Madrugada’s fi rst two albums for Fears’ Mad World would MUSE Sea Power, who provided a fantastic performance in a typically chaotic have earnt them an awful lot of @ respect across practically the originally suggest. The fi rst track manner, amongst the usual set up of bits of tree and stuffed birds. At the on the album, Broke Window, Wembley end of their quirky nature-infl uenced garage-rock set they descended whole of continental Europe. Arena 27th They are now trying to break the sets the scene for what is to into pure pandemonium, with guitarist Noble mounting the speaker stack follow – very simplistic picked November 2003 before hitting a guy in a bear suit over the head with his guitar. All in a UK with their latest album, an excellent piece of garage rock guitar lines up against Jules’ days work for the always great BSP boys. The Strokes then hit the stage hushed, refl ective vocal.DTLA What have Muse and to absolute crowd adulation, starting with a rabid Reptilia. Unfortunately, - the bands they seem to use as an Elbow got in common? infl uence are The Stooges, The bucks the trend a bit, by being the other Room on Fire tracks weren’t so great, the only other stand upbeat and a little bit meatier, Not their style for one but out track being 12:51. Otherwise, all of the best tracks were off Is This Cramps and even occasionally both recording a track called Iggy Pop. Lead singer Sivert but that’s all the variety that It. The Strokes seem to have quite a simplistic approach to their music there really is. The high point Newborn, Elbow could not be shown by their insistence to use the same equipment all the way through, Høyem’s excellent brooding, a starker contrast as support doomy vocals bring a fantastic of the album is, obviously, Mad quite an unusual sight seeing as most bands, big or small, have at least World but to actually reach it promoting one of the albums of one change of guitars at some point in the show. Tonight however, they edge to the album. Slow burning last year, Cast Of Thousands LP. album opener Blood Shot Adult at the end of the album without made a couple of additions to an otherwise predictable set. They were having already fallen asleep will Making up the large proportion joined by Regina Spektor for a version of one of the Reptilia b-sides, and Commitment is a bitter take on of their brief slot Elbow seem relationships and is followed by be a challenge to test even the also fi nished an encoreless set with an unexpected cover of The Clash’s hardiest of fans. j.a. lost in the surrounding making Clampdown. Unfortunately this did turn out to be quite a disappointing the much more rock n roll Ready up for it with the excellent end to the gig, having to follow on from the awesome duo of The with its fantastic closing guitar eight minute jam of Newborn. Modern Age and their furious romp through Take It or Leave It. Not solo. Other standouts are the The sell out arena brims with that the majority of the gig was anything other than their brilliant best, mellow and thoughtful Majesty the expected arrival of one of with the likes of Someday, Last Nite and New York City Cops causing and the bluesy Belladonna which the countries most underrated practically the whole crowd to be forced around the place in the resultant bring some much needed variety to band, for all their consistency crush. Overall, the atmosphere was excellent, befi tting an excellent live the album. j.a. in albums and an excellent live performance from the fathers of the current garage-rock scene. j.a. reputation Muse have a lot MATCHBOOK ROMANCE to live up to. Strong singles STORIES AND ALIBIS off the acclaimed Absolution, RADIOHEAD @ Earls Court Epitaph Stockholm Syndrome and Time Is Running Out stand tall as among I’ve never been a fan of Radiohead’s more experimental stuff, I’ve Oh look, whoop-de-doo, yet another post-hardcore band! It seems you their fi nest work to date. attempted to get into it, but it’s just never really worked for me. can’t go anywhere these days without being bombarded by numerous Last single Hysteria nearly However, live, the material from Kid A and Amnesiac are a completely substandard Funeral for a Friend wannabes. However, Matchbook causes its names sake as its different proposition. Somehow, all of the tracks seem to fi t together Romance are actually quite good – a real compliment, seeing as it’s electric guitars rip roar through so well. The huge variety in their music would usually suggest quite coming from someone who thinks post-hardcore has reached and the chorus. The uncontrollable a disjointed sound, but that is most defi nitely not the case in reality. long since passed its saturation point. Not that much of it sounds hyperactive Bellamy slides This was highlighted with the second and third songs of the set. The that original. Your Stories, My Alibis and Shadows Like Statues are across the stage on his knees incredibly frantic 2+2=5 leading so smoothly into My Iron Lung, very good tracks, but it’s exactly what you would expect from the squeaking his guitar until it which reeked of hatred and bitterness, an effect which Thom’s voice melodic vocals meets crunching guitar line FFAF-by-numbers format. wept into submission. Sunburn can have on a lot of songs. Actually, I was very surprised at how quiet Energetic? Yes. Good tunes? Yes. Innovative? No way. j.a. relives past glories in a set he was. With the exception of the odd track introduction, the fi rst (and looking foreword incorporating last) time he spoke properly was in the fi rst of two encores. Letting his fl ashy visual effects reach a music do the talking was defi nitely the right choice. There were so many Matt and Jon’s Bands to Watch in 2004 peak as the moon passes the highlights of the set that it’s impossible to list them all, but the main illuminated screen through the ones were Paranoid Android – the only song I’ve ever seen containing 1. Franz Ferdinand – These Glaswegians are going to be the next big atmospheric Space Dementia. both crowd surfi ng and lighters in the air, the haunting a capella thing, raw energy with an upbeat edge will be a household name by the As the sea of balloons cascade provided by Thom and the Earls Court crowd at the end of Karma end of the year. With two fantastic singles under their belt an NME from the ceiling as the fi rst riffs Police, the immense electro-thunder of Idioteque, the almost punky Just, tour and a forthcoming album this year is likely to project them to the of Plug In Baby rip through the the rumbling tribal rhythms of There There and the simply gorgeous heights the Stokes achieved with ‘Is This It’. arena bringing even the most Street Spirit (Fade Out). It was also amazing to see Thom’s dancing. He 2. Joss Stone – The moment you hear her vocals this soul diva blows reticent to their feet. Devon’s has a reputation for being grumpy and boring but tonight he was jigging you away, Joss Stone is a real talent hailing from Devon and only 16 three piece have dazzled once around like a little kid who has drunk way too much orange squash. His is set to be a real smash. Joss Stone has the looks, the vocals and the again with the excellent forth sense of humour shone through during You and Whose Army, continually commercial ability to really make an impact. studio album Absolution and a thrusting his wonky eye at the camera mounted on his piano which was 3. Whiley – A mate of Dizzee Rascal is looking for similar success, fantastic live show cementing beamed up onto the huge screens either side of the stage. Eventually the producer turned solo artist from East London is set to give UK garage Muse’s reputation and attracting gig reached the fi nal tuneEverything in its Right Place, allowing for the a new lease of life. an ever increasing fan base. band members to leave separately during the song. For a band declared 4. Keane – Newsfl ash: Guitarless band in ‘Might be better than m.b. to be so depressing by many, it was amazing to see the amount of people Coldplay’ shocker. No seriously, they’re amazing. leaving the gig on such a high. But 5. The Zutons – Liverpool based “Zombie soul music” tunesters. after seeing a benchmark-setting Sound interesting? Too right it does. performance like this, it’s hard to 6. 22-20’s – White Stripes-esque hard rocking blues – but from be anything less than astounded Lincolnshire, and with a bass player. by their brilliance. j.a. Other bands to keep an eye out for: The Delays | Eastern Lane | Razorlight | Snow Patrol | HAL | The Duke Spirit | The Ordinary Boys | Oceansize | The Scissor Sisters | The Stills 20 INTERACTIVE 22 January 2004

Quote Quiz by Dave Tucker

A bit of a rude quiz this week, but by his own admission, Dave was ‘feeling kind of agro’, so that probably explains the smattering of expletives left right and centre! All you need to do is match up the quotee with the quote. Simple as that. Answers on page 21. r e t u r n s Yes, Eye Spy is back, once again with Matt Adams at the helm. All you have to do is Willow (Buffy the Vampire Slayer) 1. Caroline is famous for having the worst personality in Germany and, as you simply walk around the whole campus and can imagine, that’s up against some pretty stiff competition fi gure out exactly where the photo below Dr. Victor Fries (Batman and Robin) is taken. Answer in next week’s issue of 2. Let off some steam, Bennet bareafacts.... John McClane (Die Hard) 3. I’m so evil and skanky. And I think I’m kinda gay Happy Hunting!

4. Oh every thing’s too damned expensive these days. This bible cost 15 bucks Ted Theodore Logan and talk about a preachy book! Everybody’s a sinner! Except this guy. (Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure)

5. Daily Reminder. Purchase feeble cable access show and exploit it. Gee, I feel Lone Star (Spaceballs) sorry for whoever that is.

6. Tonight’s forecast, a freeze is coming. Homer Simpson

7. I’m gonna give you three seconds, exactly three fu**ing seconds, to wipe that Matrix (Commando) stupid grin off your face, or I will gouge out your eyeballs and skull f**k you!

8. We’re not just doing this for money…. We’re doing it for a s**tload-a-money! Wayne (Wayne’s world) Let us know what you think 9. We are destined to fl unk most egregiously tomorrow. Sgt. Hartman (Full Metal Jacket) of the Interactive Page...

10. Yippy-ki-yay mother-fu**a ... email [email protected] Edmund Blackadder Word Search b fpub quiz After sitting at the computer for half an hour thinking about what to have as our theme Who played the fl ustered priest Father Gerald in ‘Four Weddings and a funeral’? this week we realised that the solution was staring us in the face. This week’s wordsearch

1 By Ben Berryman brought to you by Sarah Butterworth and Ben Berryman is based on all things to do with Name the British actor who played the villain in the following fi lms: ‘Die Hard’, computers. All you have to do is fi nd all 20 words, and then check them out with the answers ‘Quigley2 Down Under’ and ‘Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves’. at the bottom of the opposite page. What was 3the name of the character played by Bruce Willis in the Die hard fi lms? Got 20 vaguely connected words swimming round your head? [email protected]. In which of the ‘Star Wars’ series of fi lms did the furry little creatures known as the Ewoks appear? 4 K D H S U S D J M M V Z W Z P S O Z Q P V V O D C O O F T O Who5 directed the fi lms ‘Sparticus’, ’Full Metal Jacket’and’2001: A Space Odyssey’? I C K Q D E N R X B R R N M T The 1984 fi lm ‘Ghostbusters’ was set in which US city? D U F S N I A A E D W W D I K 6 Y M S B T O K K P T I R L C S In the fi lm industry they are known as ‘group jeopardy movies’. What other popular name is given to these types of fi lms? P E D O B R I R E N N A C S E 7 P N R Y O Y O T D R Z I Z L D Which8 group recorded the theme song of the bond fi lm ‘The World Is Not Enough’? O T E W C C O O A A S H R A F Who played the twins in the 1988 fi lm of the same name? L K T G E B W G M C J X G P D 9 F E E S U O M S L J I Q T T S Which 1999 Disney fi lm was publicised as ‘An epic of miniature proportions’? N E S B E W E D I W D L R O W 10 C O M P U T E R A D V D P P A Answers to everything in the Interactive section, are upsidedown R P R O G R A M M M M C U P T at the bottom of page 21 I Y H H T W B K E I I E N U A In the mood for a challenge? L I P Z M P B I Y F R K X Q P Chancellor’s [bar and] Restaurant at 8.30pm every Thursday night. Pit your wits against a variety of the top quiz mastery brains around... The answers to this week’s wordsearch are at the bottom of page 21, underneath Rawson’s Creek. 22 January 2004 LIFESTYLE 21 The Lyrics Quiz Sabbatical Officers Ickle Sarah and Funkyberry give a random slice of life from A little bit of a change for this week’s lyrics quiz, by Sarah Butterworth. To make it a little easier (though I realise this is probably debatable!) all the songs this week their humble dwellings within Surrey Court Wey, Battersea Court Tate, and the are by The Beatles. If you fancy writing the lyrics quiz for next week’s paper, then jot University of Surrey Students’ Union... down ten lyrics, bands and song titles and whizz it across to [email protected].

MOBILE PHONES. LOVE ‘em or hate ‘em, AS I WRITE this my nose/throat/head/ears/ 1 Nothing you can say but you can learn how to play the game they’re defi nitely here to stay, with eyes feel as stuffed as the turkey that I ate their rotating cameras and all manner of for my Christmas lunch. I was lucky enough 2 On the corner is a banker with a motorcar embarrassing ring tones. I’m fi rmly in the to get this infestation for the fi rst 4 days of camp of thinking that, yes, mobile phones the ski trip, threw it off for the next 3 or so, 3 It always leads me here, leads me to your door are good, but no I don’t need one that makes and then just when I thought I’d escape back me a cup of tea, cleans my shoes whilst to England, I was struck down again! Now it 4 She said that living with me is bringing her down telling me the morning news. Just being able seems that anyone who went on the ski trip to make a call or send a message suits me has now got this disease, so if any of you 5 As we live a life of ease, every one of us has all we need down to the ground. But mobile phones do are reading this then you’ll know exactly I may not have a lot to give, but what I’ve got I’ll give to you have their entertainment value. how I feel! Still, I’ll try not to let it affect 6 THE other day I was having a chat by the my column. 7 Look at him working, darning his socks in the night when there’s nobody there magic of mobile communications with FOR Christmas my friend Gem gave me Adam, one of my best friends who graduated a little Nemo fi sh called Dave. I’ve started 8 You know I work all day, to get you money to buy you things in 2002, when I happened to mention to him taking photos of this Dave in as many places that Ben and I were thinking about buying a as I can, and the ski trip gave a good chance 9 Don’t carry the world upon your shoulders house next year - given the choice of lining to get some interesting shots. First of all someone else’s pocket with out rent, or Dave got put on my plate of frites, then 10 Semoline pilchards climbing up the Eiffel Tower. paying towards owning a house, it seems Dave went in the snow, then I tried to get like a good plan (oh, and we’re very much Dave to ride a manky French dog, then Dave in love)! About a minute after a sudden went with us to a pizza place and I put him in “better get off the phone, it’s costing me a some wine glasses (forgetting his previous million and one pounds a minute to talk to encounter with the dog)… so new glasses you” from him (and I thought friends would were required, and as punishment Dave was do anything for each other?!) my phone then squewered on the cheese holder under tinkled away with a message. Pressing the heater of a fondue set! ‘view’ I read: “My work, have you heard the I’M RATHER ANNOYED with the hot water in latest from the Sarah beast? She’s looking at Battersea Court. For the last 6 months I’ve This week I am mostly … recovering after having completed a buying a house with Ben. She thinks they’ll had a shower at roughly the same time of post-Christmas detox diet of prune, fennel and echinacea juice! I be engaged soon....!” Through fi ts of giggles morning every single day, and the water is can still taste the wretched stuff… I heard my phone beep again, and this time so hot that I’ve had to have the shower on the message read: “Ooops, I was meaning somewhere between setting 8 and 9 (9 being Christmas for the Fruitcake household is always a little fraught to spread the gossip, but not back to you!” hottest). But since returning from the ski trip – mum, dad, 2 students and a West Highland Terrier suffer a three- swiftly followed by “Not that I’m a gossip the water seems to have suddenly become hour roadtrip to the land of daffodils, leeks and red dragons to mongerer or anything!” lukecold. It seems my housemates have spend the ensuing forty-eight hours confi ned in a two-bedroom THIS reminded me of another phone faux noticed this too, as the 2 showers we all use airless fl at, home to my maternal grandmother. In preparation of pas that Adam committed during his time at have their dials all turned as far past 9 as our arrival, she’s kindly whacked up the central heating to a stifl ing level, and turned up the University. We had a mutual friend called they can go. So accommodation offi ce, with television volume so it deafens us, pretending all the while that she actually understands Bob, and he and Adam, though both as our new sexy Battersea Court boiler, and all every word of the Christmas special edition of “Pobol y Cwm”. It seems worth mentioning straight as they come, used to mess around a the heating system maintenance over the last here, that a music degree was never what my gran had planned for me – throughout bit, with Adam telling Bob he was madly in 2 years, what’s going on? sixth-form she dropped more than enough hints that the only degree worth my effort was love with him, and wanted to do all manner RIGHT. Time for some jokes: combined Welsh and Spanish. After all, Wales and Patagonia [the only country in the world of unmentionable things to him (yes, us Q: What’s pink and fl uffy? A: Pink fl uff. where both languages are spoken, or so she tells me] are leading the world economy into musos are a little odd). One day, in a moment Q: What’s blue and fl uffy? A: Blue fl uff. the twenty-fi rst century. She knows this because Woman’s Weekly said so. Anyhow, you of boredom, Adam wrote a message to Bob Q: What do you call a fl y with no wings? can imagine how claustrophobic the set-up is; I’d hoped for a rare moment of chivalry saying something along the lines of “I want A: A walk. on the part of my brother [believe it or not, it has been known] but no, it appears he’s you, you sexy beast” with a few other un- Two peanuts were walking down the road. already shotgunned the couch, leaving yours truly with the fl oor… under the dining table. printable things. Then options, followed by One was a-salted. My mum and I were quite restrained this year – waited until midday to start on the wine send message... then scrolling through the Q: What’s orange and sounds like a parrot? - though while we normally administer gin to my gran, our plans were somewhat fl awed names he hit send. A couple of seconds later A: A carrot. by her determined announcement that she’s on the wagon at the minute. Perhaps this year, his delivery report came back, and what did Q: What’s red and sits in the corner? we’d have to be the ones passed out in front of the TV. As luck would have it though we it say? “You message was succesfully sent to A: A naughty bus. remained conscious for the BBC Christmas music special. A line-up of Denise Van Outen, ‘Bianca’.” Ooops! On a brighter note, it’s almost Easter! the Cheeky Girls and Atomic Kitten was guaranteed to be excruciating at the best of times. Yet never one to conceal her opinions [it’s a wonder I’m not pregnant the number of boys ‘ickle sarah butterworth chris ‘funkyberry’ hunter I’ve been seen speaking to this year] my gran announced loudly her dislike for Will Young, proceeding instead to sing the praises of Gareth Gates [quote “a lovely boy” unquote]. www.rawsonscreek.com My dad had had enough now [well, it was about 5 o’clock] so counteracted with “Isn’t he shagging Jordan though?”. Got to hand it to him. Took the words out of my mouth.

Logan (Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure), 10.John McClane (Die Hard) (Die McClane 10.John Adventure), Excellent Ted’s and (Bill Logan As for New Year, well… let’s see… managed not to knock myself out on a road sign,

(Batman and Robin), 7.Sgt. Hartman (Full Metal Jacket), 8.Lone Star (Spaceballs), 9.Ted Theodore Theodore 9.Ted (Spaceballs), Star 8.Lone Jacket), Metal (Full Hartman 7.Sgt. Robin), and (Batman contract food poisoning from undercooked tofu or fi nd myself between parties under a South (Commando), 3.Willow (Buffy), 4.Homer Simpson, 5.Wayne (Wayne’s world), 6.Dr. Victor Fries Fries Victor 6.Dr. world), (Wayne’s 5.Wayne Simpson, 4.Homer (Buffy), 3.Willow (Commando),

: 1.Edmund Blackadder, 2.Matrix 2.Matrix Blackadder, 1.Edmund : Quiz Quotes 8.A Hard Day’s Night, 9.Hey Jude, 10.I am the Walrus | | Walrus the am 10.I Jude, 9.Hey Night, Day’s Hard 8.A London fl yover at the stroke of midnight [no joke, this is my past New Year history - is it

and Winding Road, 4.Ticket to Ride, 5.Yellow Submarine, 6. Can’t Buy Me Love, 7.Eleanor Rigby, Rigby, 7.Eleanor Love, Me Buy Can’t 6. Submarine, 5.Yellow Ride, to 4.Ticket Road, Winding and any wonder I’m not a fan?]. Instead, I was at our house-party in Guildford, dancing crazily

1.All You Need is Love, 2.Penny Lane, 3.The Long Long 3.The Lane, 2.Penny Love, is Need You 1.All Quiz: Lyrics

and Danny De Vito, 10.A Bug’s Life | | Life Bug’s 10.A Vito, De Danny and to The Darkness in my front room with some of my best friends, whilst the North London

The Jedi, 5.Stanley Kubrick, 6.New York, 7.Disaster movies, 8.Garbage, 9.Arnold Schwarzenegger Schwarzenegger 9.Arnold 8.Garbage, movies, 7.Disaster York, 6.New Kubrick, 5.Stanley Jedi, The rugby team my housemate brought with her decided to get naked and cavort in our elderly

1.Rowan Atkinson, 2.Alan Rickman, 3.John McClane, 4.Return of of 4.Return McClane, 3.John Rickman, 2.Alan Atkinson, 1.Rowan Quiz:

processor, Worldwide web | | web Worldwide processor, neighbour’s front garden. Another one for the memoirs.

Keyboard, Laptop, Monitor, Mouse, Network, Printer, Program, Scanner, Speakers, Window, Word Word Window, Speakers, Scanner, Program, Printer, Network, Mouse, Monitor, Laptop, Keyboard,

Application, Cdrom, Computer, Desktop, Document, Dvd, Email, Floppy disk, disk, Floppy Email, Dvd, Document, Desktop, Computer, Cdrom, Application, Wordsearch: Catherine Lee 22 LIFESTYLE 22 January 2004 the sillyStars by Psychic Sandy Libra Capricorn Aries Cancer Oh no, your mum’s Give it up with the You better watch Wednesday night is found out about all your posing! It’s winter, it’s yourself darling! The a must for all you cheeky antics! Oh well, dark, and its pissing thought police are hot Cancerians this week, I’m sure she couldn’t it down, so why the on your trail… Match as you will get rather a be prouder… in fact, shades? Everyone your tops with bases surprising proposition… I know it ‘cos I know her. Good mate of knows who you are anyway, so you’re this week for lots of lovely selling potential. Go on, try it – you might actually like it. mine, your ma. Keep up the good work and bound to get recognised – what with being Vuitton handbags are a must, much as I But hey, it’s no skin off my nose if you’re general shocking behaviour – especially if so hot right now and all… your muzzerr hate to admit that owning one is akin to going to be boring about it. Whatever. you happen to be a fi nal year. I’m expecting was a ‘amster and your fazzerr smells of writing ‘I’m a pikey’ across your head… you to not let the side down. elderberries by the way. Leo Taurus Moved house recently? Scorpio Aquarius This week you will Well, make the most of Keep a close watch on Well, you are a very mostly be… cooking it before they all turn any cashfl ow issues this happy thing this week… salmon. Salmon is on you. Don’t worry week – you never know the house is noisy great. And you need though, I’m sure you’ll when the evil taxman again, what with the the essential oils it manage to win them over soon enough. Just might bite. Tall, dark, kiddies being back and provides. So there. But steak is better, don’t cook for them. Buy a bit of cider if and handsome men are the order of the day, all. Careful though, temptation will prove especially sirloin. I know you guys have you feel grand gestures are necessary (and so keep that eye roving… Try not to behave very easy to fi nd… Check out the beautiful champagne tastes and lemonade pockets you don’t want to poison people). like a slapper though (not that I’m saying brunette who wants a bit of you! but so what. Don’t really care that you’re a you usually do, naturally…). student. It’s not a proper excuse. Virgo Pisces Now that One Stop has Sagittarius Your artistic streak will Gemini been refurbished, you You seem to be in defi nitely be put to the ‘Iya! And what have feel like you’re in your desperate need of a test this week… perhaps you been up to lately, element. Unfortunately proper good orange you’ll be creating a my lovely? This week the queuing issues have mocha frappuccino homemade outfi t for the you’re one badass yet to be resolved, but I’m sure you’ll work at the moment, so I Charity Ball this year? Dare to be different, chica/chico. Play it cool them out in your own good time… Pink feel a visit to Starbucks might be in order and something will certainly be falling into and see how far that gets you… You have off the shoulder is your look this week, so …or maybe Nero’s. Be nice. Otherwise, your lap come February 7th. Get a manicure incredibly good intentions this week, but make the most of it on Thursday in Cindy’s someone might feel the need to wave their – you need one; have you not seen the if I know you Gemini peeps, it’ll all have (the institution that will NEVER be referred private parts at your auntie. poster outside the laundrette? gone to pot by next Thursday. to as ‘Time’). - Barefacts Personals - You know the drill - send an email with the subject line ‘personals’ to [email protected] and as if by magic they’ll appear in the enxt issue of bareafcts. If you#re sending in more than one, pop them in the same email, will you? Cheers!

Fantastic conversion Eveready, your a star Azza! I love you to. You are the man! Rock on.com. Geeks eating cake!!!!! You know it was a good night when your fl em is Dazza purple! Huey nice TRY, oh and p.s ENGLAND won the world Are you a fresher-no so you can’t sleaze over me like cup! LOST!! A silver linked bracelet with white sparkly you do everyone else! Once is a mistake. Twice is a fetsih! stones between the links, was dropped somewhere are raisens perished grapes? on campus or on the way to Tesco. £10 Reward. If “What’s the capital of thailand?” [Lional]Once, Twice, Three times, and it’s still not a found please contact 07760468194 lady! [/Lional] Are you taking the piss out of his accent?! You’re “Look *** i am not pissed so stop trying to take from Essex!!# Where is campus sport mullet? advantage of me!!” Something’s changed here

We will miss you Bok but at least you left with a Hey Foxy Lady! Hope you’re coming out to play with Sledge: refreshes the body parts that other men Malibu = IF IN DOUBT!!! SPLASH! me even more this semester won’t reach in the way only we little minxes know how! What “I don’t want to sleep with more than two men!” your ban and ill you are!! was that honey, more shots you “I charged people 60 an hour for the privilege of say? xxCJxx using me!” “You’re the same size as me so I know exactly what Skidoo: Helping Hippocrocodogpigs pull since 2003 you want.” Some talk of fat heffers, I haven’t got any socks! Put your shorts on !!!!!! Women’s Rugby are happy to take women’s And some of ugly cows, One small step for man, one giant step for me. Ok, so football’s challenge and play them at football as Some talk of Sledge’s conquests, Go left but right! (A classic but should be included it was with whiskey, but i tried coke. Ain’t you proud! long as they then play us at Rugby? Bring it on! And who there pulling now! for sheer comedy genius) But of all the many munters, bleach, air freshness, persil tablets! Other great lines-Lager makes me a complete light There’s none as ugly as this: Malibu pass it left.... no, the other left weight! The hippocrocapigs that Skidoo likes to kiss!.... I, want a cadillac, obviously i’d have to move to L.A. Bull Sh*t skippy can’t be gay, he’s not thin enough to be gay No actually theres Malibu can I be your biatch! Who’s Sh*t one in old farm road! REALLY!! Sh*t’s Shi*t If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled? Ask Skidoo! What exactly is going through Lord Huttons mind at Cullen you were amazing we expect you to play this time, I don’t know. Why? I can’t read minds! ahh- I don’t understand- Ruth!! ode to recess: i’ve got a brand new hippocrocapig, EVERY match after Christmas. cos one’s not enough for me...... Shotgun the girl with legs-as opposed to...? DOES ANYONE HAVE A HANKIE OR A CANAL BOAT “This morning was a bad day for driving.....” POSSIBLY? Skidoo : Who needs birds when you’ve got Sarah’s a psychic duck hipocrocadogapigs? Matt - mind the bollard! 22 January 2004 SPORT 23 Challege Chops: Hockey

BY DAVE ‘CHOPS’ CHAPMAN proportion of the fi rst half running and Hands up down the pitch with lots of enthusiasm but When the Hockey Club challenged me, I not much effect. I did a reasonable job didn’t think I had much to worry about. marking my opposition and fi lling in the who wants Nothing much could go wrong with a quick occasional gap which appeared in other training session, I would know most of the people’s marking. However when it came people there and most of them would know to any ball skills, I was fairly badly lacking. to come me. Hopefully, they might even take it a A typical response to getting the ball was to little bit easy on me. However, the club had pass it straight onto someone else who had a other plans. They thought a match would chance of doing something with it. provide more of a challenge. Considering I At one point, we were 4-0 down, but we swimming haven’t played hockey since primary school, came back in the second half to make it a “in at the deep end” seems quite apt. more respectable 4-2. Strangely enough I The fun started before I even set foot on spent a lot less time on the pitch in second Club sessions the pitch. Not coming from a “ball sport” half. Surrey has only been fi elding a mixed background, I haven’t had any “big” socks team this year, so they are still fi nding their every Sunday for years, so ended up borrowing some from way. If you also take into account the fact a friend in order to keep my borrowed shin we were playing with an inexperienced pads in place. I don’t quite know how to goalie and complete beginner, the mixed Starting 1st February describe the smell in a way that would do it team could do well in years to come. justice. Its fair to say they were disturbingly The day was rounded off with nominations pungent. for best and worst performance. I was pleased Fortunately, we were fi rst out onto the pitch to be voted joint best, however a number of so I had a reasonable chance to practice. the nominations were accompanied with the Everyone After being told how to hold the stick reason that they wanted to see me have the properly, we got going. I was reasonable victory drink. They should have known it welcome! at stopping passes and only a little bit lame wouldn’t work! at passing back. However when it came Meet 8.20pm to shooting, it was incredibly obvious that I didn’t have a clue what I was doing. IF YOU ARE A MEMBER Senate Although the direction of my shots wasn’t OF A SPORTS CLUB AND wildly out, the speed was pretty pathetic. Car Park As, somewhat embarrassingly, all of my WANT TO WRITE ABOUT attempts at goal were comfortably saved YOUR CLUB’S ACTIVITIES, by a new and inexperienced goalie, I wasn’t THEN EMAIL OUR SPORTS doing it quite right. The match started off with me in the line EDITOR, PETE NICHOLS AT up and it wasn’t long before I got my fi rst [email protected] touch of the ball. I didn’t do much with it, but it was my fi rst touch. I spent a good BUSA Fixtures | 28 January 2004 Kids Zone Mens Women KIDS ZONE is a weekly multi-sport programme for children 5 – 11yrs run by Badminton Basketball UniSport staff and volunteers. SURREY 2nd vs UCL 2nd SURREY 1st vs Chichester 1st With a varied programme including Trampolining, Mini Tennis, Climbing and Basketball Football Dance, the sessions are aimed at introducing children to sport and activity Kings 1st vs SURREY 1st Brighton 2nd vs SURREY 1st in a fun way!

Football Netball To continue to provide the high standard of activity, and a varied programme SURREY 1st vs Imperial 1st Kings 1st vs SURREY 1st we are looking for students and staff who may have a particular interest in Portsmouth 4th vs SURREY 2nd LSE 2nd vs SURREY 2nd a sport to help out at sessions, whether it’s lacrosse, hockey, dance… the Brighton 4th vs SURREY 3rd possibilities are endless! Portsmouth 5th vs SURREY 5th Squash SURREY 4th vs Brighton 5th Sussex 1st vs SURREY 1st Even if you are unable to commit to every week, the opportunity is there to run a one off session along side a regular activity. Golf SURREY 1st vs Bucks 1st And if you don’t have a preferred sport and just want to help out then get in touch! Hockey Imperial Medics 1st vs SURREY 1st For more information contact Amy Fawcett, Sports Co-ordinator, 01483 (68) 9987 [email protected], or Sally Edie, 01483 (68) 9201, Squash for more fixtures and [email protected] Imperial 1st vs SURREY 1st results visit: Kids Zone: Friday’s 4.00-5.20pm @ UniSport, January 23rd – 2nd April Waterpolo busaresults.org.uk (No session 20th Feb) SURREY 1ST vs UCL 1st (Sat 24th) 24 SPORT 22 January 2004 teamsurrey New Year, New You? BY DAN BROWN Unisport also offer Dance Courses. Many of these 10 week Welcome back to those of you who have been on industrial courses are reduced for student members and include Street placement and welcome to new students of Surrey. For those Dance, Salsa, Mambo, Jazz and Tap and provide the perfect of you who indulged too much over Christmas, now is the lessons for moves in the Union!! These courses are available time to work off those extra pounds. UniSPORT, the Sport & to Student Members for £15 and Students for £20. Recreation department at the University encourage students to be active for life. Exercise at Surrey can be taken in many Fitness Club (Members Only) forms and buying a UniSPORT membership card makes it The fi tness club is one of the best facilities in the area and even easier. members have unlimited access. An induction is needed The student UniSPORT card is one of the best value sports before you start which is free. Programmes can be written cards of any university in Britain and is the most effective to suit your needs and help you burn that excess off in no way to participate in sport, exercise and dance. A years time! membership costs just £70 and entitles members to unlimited use of the fi tness club, free access to dance, aerobic and Casual Sport fi tness classes, discounts on most taught courses, free access There are many sporting activities for you and your friends to badminton, climbing, basketball, squash, tennis and free to participate in. Members are able to book courts for entry into the university sports leagues. Members also Squash, Tennis and Badminton up to two weeks in advance receive discounts on fi tness tests and programme writing and are a great release of energy for you and friends. Other in the fi tness club. You will also receive a free t-shirt when Body Blitz, Step Aerobics, Brisk Walking, Bollywood & casual sports include Climbing, Volleyball, indoor 5-a-side you join. Belly Dance. Football and Basketball. These are all available to Student Members for free and to Students from only £2 per court What exercise can you do? What Courses Can you do? Aerobic, Fitness & Dance Classes are avaiable to student Unisport offer many courses over periods of 5 and 10 weeks, For further information on the above please visit the members for free or students at only £2. These classes are including Golf, Squash and Tai Chi. Yoga and Pilates are part UniSPORT website: www.unisport.co.uk, tel. 01483 689201 on all week at lunchtimes and evenings and include Circuits, of the programme but there are no discounts for members. or visit the Sport Centre. SPORTS PROFILE Anyone Fancy A Swim?

BY DAVE ‘CHOPS’ CHAPMAN we are trying to get that going as well. You can catch the minibus to the pool every Sunday from After a long struggle, the Swimming Club is back up and 1st February until 22nd March. It will be leaving at 8.30pm running. The availability of pool time in Guildford is from Senate car park which should give us time to get to the appalling, so we have had to look slightly further away from pool and for you to get changed ready for our booking from home. Although this requires a short drive, we will have a 9pm until 10pm. The minibus will also take people back to minibus available to get you there and back, so there should campus after the session. If you want to make your own way be no reason why you can’t come along for a quick dip. The to the pool (King Edwards School Witley near Godalming), cost of the minibus and the swim is just £1 and everyone is e-mail [email protected] for directions. Name: Sarah Taylor welcome regardless of ability, so there really is no excuse. We are also looking into the possibility of a session on Age: 21 There are a number of reasons why you should come along. Monday evenings 8-9pm but we are unsure of demand. Sport: Netball Swimming is incredibly good for you, because it works If this would be a convenient time for you, e-mail Nickname: Big Bad Fresher, BBF, Beebs, Beeberella, more muscle groups than almost any other sport. This [email protected] and let us know. Both the Sunday and and a few others referring to certain parts of my body! doesn’t mean you have to be in great shape to come along Monday sessions might also be tied in with the Lifesaving Best Aspect of your sport: The fun that is being part of but it does mean it will help improve your fi tness, muscle Club we are trying to get going. Again if this is something the team esp. when everything’s going right and we’re tone and possibly lose weight (if that’s what you want). you are interested in, let us know by e-mail. winning, and the celebrating afterwards Another great thing about swimming is the water supports Worst Aspect: That it’s supposedly a non contact sport you. So if you have injuries or joint problems, it can often and you still end up feeling bruised and beaten at the be a good way back to full strength. On the more serious end of a particularly tense match, what’s that about?! Are you in a Sports Club? side of the sport, competition can provide you with added Best Sporting Moment: Being the only team not to be enjoyment, challenge or simple variation. You can also take submit your article and pictures for beaten by overall champions Chester at DublinFest this up “spin-off” sports such as waterpolo or lifesaving, both of year, despite hangovers and 2 hours of sleep! barefacts to Pete Nichols - email which offer their own opportunities for competition. The Most embarrassing sporting moment: Losing to the Union currently has both men’s and women’s waterpolo [email protected] by Friday @ 5pm Surrey Rugby team in the most violent ‘charity friendly’ clubs and there has been some interest in a lifesaving club so I’ve ever played! The shame..... Worst injury: The pulled muscles in my back, legs, neck, arms, lost voice and overall hangover which I The Sports Show on GU2 came back from the last tour with! I think the term is ‘broken’. Thursdays 1-4| With TUG & TIM The plug: Mondays, 6:15-8pm at UniSport, go on...it’ll Campus phone: 811350 | Ex: 01483 681350 be fun. Email / MSN: [email protected]