Appendix 1: Participants' Characteristics

(4 mths) AM (6 mths) mths) S R business S Own professionOwn Rlp status agencyTravel AM (2 yrs) Dance teacher LM (5 yrs) Pharmacist AM (3 Father/Mother profession Business person/HMbusiness Family Business person/HM AM (3 yrs) HomemakerFashion designer AM (3 yrs) – HM Teacher Officer/HMPurchase Student Living arrangement (Father) Alcohol/ Smoke Religion/ caste^ class* Toni M 25–30 UM Leva Patil YESfamily Nuclear Business person/HM Family NileshJambli MAditya F 25–30Geet M M 20–24Hiren 25–30 M FSwati Patel M M 25–30 F Brahman 25–30Lena M Gujarati Jain UM YES/NO 25–30 NO F NOPriya UM Khadayata Kutchi Jain Joint 25–30 F YES/NO PatelTarun NO M in-laws With in-laws With Joint M 20–24 Accountant/HM Business person/HMKrishna Mbusiness Brahman in-laws With Family 25–30 M NO LM (1 yr) MDurish Business person/HM design Web 20–24 Patel NObusiness Family M LMi AM (2 yrs) Patel in-laws With 20–24 LM (1 yr) Sindi Business person/ M Nuclear NO NO Lohana NO University Prof/ Nuclear YES/NO Nuclear Nuclear Joint family Shopkeeper/Teacher Student Business person/HM Teacher/HM Student Appendix 1: Participants’ Characteristics Participants in Baroda, India Name Sex Age Econ

164 165 ) Middle ( continued S S S R (1 yr) Relationship Status LM (1 year) business S Own profession Finance LM (1 year) Finance LM (1 year) doctor Student Unemployed/ Student Father/Mother profession owners Person/ Administrative assistant Doctor/DoctorTeacher/HM Bank worker/HM Living Arrangement spouseWith Entrepreneurs Medical family Ethnic area Gujarati YES/NOfamily Nuclear Business person/HM Family NONO Flat Nuclear Religion/ Caste^ Econ Class* Ismaili African Roots NiraliMuktha F FKareena F 20–24 20–24Rekha M M 25–30 F UMSeeta Leva Patil Tailor Jain 20–24 F NO LMi 20–24UM = Upper middle LMi = Lower middle. Muslim NO HM = Homemaker. ^As defined by participants AM = Arranged marriage, LM love marriage S Single, R In relationship (as reported participants) LMi Joint family Leva Patil Civil Servant/Clerk Hostel NO Student nurse S – HM Tailor/Tailor PGH/FlatLona Student Blue collar Sohan 25–30 F 25–30 M NOAmeera NO 25–30 M F M Patel YES Patel White UM White spouse With Muslim spouse With Grocery shop Asian/ Business Rahul M 20–24 UM Jain flat, area), cars/motorbike and travel abroad M = *Economic class based on my own judgement, includes type of house (bungalow, Participants in London, UK Name Age Sex East 166 ts occupation. Relationship Status (5 years) years) Single (1 year) Own profession Business LM (1 year) Solicitor Engaged Journalist Relationship PRAdminis- trative Cohabiting (3 assistant Student Single IT Single Father/Mother profession Homemaker Homemaker Engineer/ Homemaker Teacher Bank Manager/ Homemaker Teacher/ Homemaker Homemaker Living Arrangement fiancéWith Factory owner/ fiancéeWith Unknown parents With (nuclear) IT partnerWith Journalist/ (nuclear) Engaged parents With (nuclear) friendsWith IT/Homemaker LawyerAlone Relationship Dentist/ Ethnic area Gujarati Asian/ Gujarati Gujarati Gujarati Mixed ethnic area ethnic area Gujarati Religion/ Caste^ Mochi Mochi Econ Class* African Roots Mahendra 25–30 MDarsha YES 25–30Pretak F UMPrity 25–30 NO M VaishyaRenu White NO 20–24 M F spouse With Rama 20–24 M Potter Finance/ YES F 20–24Naveen Sudra NO Asian/ F M 25–30 YES M MNihal Lohana YES M Asian/ Jain 20–24Yogesh M LMi Brahman White Asian/ NO 20–24 Sudra M parents With UM = UpperMiddle, LMi = Lower middle. middle, M = LMi YESAM = Arranged marriage, LM Love R In relationship, S Single (as reported by participants) HM Homemaker. ^As defined by participants. Leva Patel M Mixed Lohana Asian/ Continued Name Age Sex East *Economic Class based on my own judgement, includes house and area grew up in (e.g. wealthy area, or council estate), paren Appendix 2: Data Analysis Procedures

The analysis was conducted using the NVIVO computer program, version eight (QSR International 2008). This section explains the data analysis procedures I went through. It is ordered sequentially into separate ‘steps’ of analysis but in fact the analysis went through a much more chaotic back and forth process.

Step one – immersion in the data

After each interview I listened through the recording at least once, sometimes making notes of follow- up questions for a later interview. Then I transcribed the interviews, or had a professional transcriber take a first attempt and then ‘fix it’ the way I wanted it, including non- verbal queues and the context of the interview from my field notes. Conventions in transcription notation were taken from Silverman (2001) and from theatre play scripts. After the interviews were transcribed I then read through them again with the intention to become immersed in the data through reading and rereading (Barrett 1996; Silverman 2001). At this stage I also took notes on emerging themes or ideas sparked by the transcripts and field notes.

Step two – coding

There were two main phases to coding; in the initial phase I coded each line in a sub- sample of interviews and field notes. The sub- sample included interviews of two male participants in India and two in the UK, and of two female participants in India and two in the UK (total eight participants), and field notes from the first month in each site. The codes emerged from the data itself, rather than from a previously devised frame of codes. Line by line coding is used to capture the ‘essence’ of each statement; the code should capture the ‘meaning or action in the line, it is the first step in interpretation’ (Charmaz 2006: 45). In the second phase I brought together all the codes that had emerged during this initial stage and subsumed them under focused codes. Focused codes are ‘more directed, selective and conceptual’ than the initial line by line codes (Charmaz 2006: 57). While the line by line codes often focused on actions or intentions within a line, the focused code captured larger sections of data in a slightly more abstract way. These focused codes were then used to code all the data – while still allowing new codes to emerge.

Step three – memo writing, categories and concepts

The coding is interspersed with memo writing – that is reflective writing on the emergence of important themes and codes. In memo writing ‘you stop and

167 168 Appendix 2: Data Analysis Procedures analyse your ideas about the codes in any – and every – way that occurs to you during the moment’ (Charmaz 2006:73; see also Glaser 1998). These memos should help in the abstraction of codes and ideas about the data. They also help in identifying gaps in the data or analysis, or in pointing the way towards the most salient concepts which emerge from the data. Memos also facilitate the constant comparison for which grounded theory is so well known: data from different individuals and in different contexts are compared and questions are asked of emerging theories or concepts, constantly refining and reworking the understanding of the data (Charmaz 2006). The data from India and the UK were analysed in one ‘file’ but following the grounded theory methodology, I constantly compared the data and concepts from the two contexts, trying to understand how Gujaratis in the UK were similar or different to those in India, and to speculate about why this might be. This comparative element to the analysis was especially helpful in crystallising the emerging concepts. To some degree it helped ‘make strange’ some views, especially those amongst the UK participants which I often found similar to my own. These comparisons were worked over within the memos that I wrote. The memos then helped to elevate codes into categories. Categories should ‘explicate ideas, events, or processes in your data – and do so in telling words. A category may subsume common themes and patterns in several codes’ (Charmaz 2006: 91). Categories emerged from the focused codes which I felt best represented the data, or at least the story that was emerging. These often evolved from memos which became the basis of findings chapters. For example, the term ‘arranging love’ emerged from my understandings of ‘focused codes’ around courtship in Baroda. It suggests both how participants in Baroda appear to manipulate their feelings for their partner, and the integration of love with arranged marriage. Categories were then raised to concepts; in interpretive grounded theory, theo- retical concepts enable an understanding of the relationships between the categories. A concept subsumes categories and has ‘analytical weight’, it should help you to understand the connections between the categories and bring the data together into a complete story (Charmaz 2006). The process is one of increas- ing abstraction, but grounded in the data collected. The concepts integrate the whole book; each findings chapter leads into one another. They are linked both thematically and theoretically. ) 0 Settled in job wealth Family wealth Fair Family wealth Family wealth Family Wealth Virginity ( continued mportant. wealth Virginity Family in job Cooking ability Settled in job in job Cooking Ability Settled in job Intelligent Family Settled in job Intelligent Settled Family background Broad- minded job Family wealth Broad- minded ability ability looking ability Intelligent Education Settled Intelligent Settled in Cooking ability

ability KindEducation Cooking Cooking Ambitious Good- Virginity Cooking Good- looking Good- looking Family background Good- looking Broad- minded job looking Broad- minded minded Good- looking Kind Cooking Broad- minded background KindCooking Good- ability Education Broad- minded looking background Kind Family Kind Educationbackground Settled in background background Education Good- looking minded background Education Intelligent Family Virginity Good- Virginity Broad- Intelligent Education Family Virginity Kind Family 1234567891 Virginity KindEducation Intelligent Kind Family Virginity Family Broad- Toni Krishna Durish Hiren Rahul Nilesh Aditya Tarun Ranking by Baroda participants Appendix 3: Participants’ Ranking Participants were asked to rank in order of importance the most important qualities a spouse, with 1 representing i

169 170 0 Cooking ability Cooking ability Cooking ability Cooking ability Cooking ability Good- looking wealth Family wealth Good- looking Family wealth wealth Family wealth minded Family wealth Good- looking Cooking ability Intelligent Virginity Family Broad- minded job Kind Virginity Family Broad- minded Good- looking Virginity Intelligent Broad- job Good- looking Family background background Good- looking background job Education Family background KindEducation Intelligent Family VirginityBroad- Settled in minded irginity Intelligent Kind Settled in job Education Family background job Family background Kind Settled in job Education V Education Family Intelligent Settled in job 1234567891 Broad- minded KindKind Intelligent Settled in Family background Broad- minded Broad- minded Education Settled in Virginity Intelligent Education Kind Settled in Seeta Kareena* Muktha Geet Priya Swati Nirali* Rekha Continued *Kareena and Nirali only ranked those traits which they deemed important. Lena and Jambli did not complete this exercise. 171 irginity Virginity Virginity Family wealth Virginity in job Cooking ability Family wealth V Virginity Virginity Family wealth Family wealth Settled in job Settled in job Virginity Settled Settled in job Family background Cooking ability Family wealth Family wealth Settled in job Cooking ability Cooking ability Family wealth Family wealth Virginity ability Family wealth Cooking ability Family background Cooking ability Family background background Family background background Family wealth Virginity Cooking background Settled in job Cooking ability Good- looking job Education Family ability Education Family background Broad- minded Intelligent Family looking Good- looking background Education Settled in minded Education Cooking Cooking ability Good- looking minded job looking looking looking Education Kindjob Family Education Broad- Education Kind Good- Education Intelligent Family Intelligent Good- Kind Intelligent Broad- Broad- minded Settled in job Broad- minded Intelligent Education Settled in minded minded looking Intelligent KindKind Good- Intelligent Good- looking looking background minded Kind Good- 12345 6 7 8Kind 910 Broad- KindVirginity Broad- Good- Broad- minded Broad- minded Intelligent Good- Kind Intelligent Education Settled in Intelligent Family Kind Broad- Lona Pretak Naveen Yogesh Nihal Mahendra Sohan Ameera Ranking by London participants Darsha and Prity never completed this exercise. Renu Rama Appendix 4: Matrimonial and Dating Agency Materials

The publishers wish to state that they have made every effort to contact the copyright holders, but if any have been overlooked the publishers will be pleased to make the necessary arrangement at the first opportunity.

Example of matrimonial website registration form, India

172 Appendix 4: Matrimonial and Dating Agency Materials 173 174 Appendix 4: Matrimonial and Dating Agency Materials Appendix 4: Matrimonial and Dating Agency Materials 175 176 Appendix 4: Matrimonial and Dating Agency Materials

Matrimonial classified advertisements from India

Taken from the Sunday Times (Times of India), 10 June 2007 Appendix 4: Matrimonial and Dating Agency Materials 177

Example of online dating agency registration form, UK

The following three pages are taken from the Asian Single Solutions website (www.asiansinglesolution.com). The website suggests that members fill in five pages: The ‘Essentials’ page asks for contact details, sex, and sexual preference. On the ‘My Photo’ page, members can upload three photos of themselves. The pages shown below are ‘About Me’, ‘Interests’ and ‘Details’. 178 Appendix 4: Matrimonial and Dating Agency Materials Appendix 4: Matrimonial and Dating Agency Materials 179 Notes

1 Introduction

1. According to Giddens ‘companionate marriage’ is similar to the ‘pure relationship’ having ‘some degree of equality and mutual sympathy’ but with less sexual intimacy (1992:155). 2. Thomas and Cole (2009) argue that a similar neglect of love in sexuality studies in Africa is due to an emphasis on highlighting the importance of structural violence in the spread of sexually transmitted infections. This may be the case in India too, but it has resulted in a neglect of emotions and instances of agency and cooperation amongst couples. 3. A matchmaker is usually an elder person who facilitates arranged marriages. She or he can charge for this service but many do it for free. 4. ‘Sending community’ refers to those who remain in India, ‘receiving community’ to those who have migrated or grown up abroad, in this case in Britain. 5. ‘ Non- resident Indian’ is a term coined by the Indian state referring to those of Indian descent who live abroad. Breckenridge argues this was to encourage ‘nationals’ abroad to invest in India. See Breckenridge (1995). 6. Patel and Bania are Hindu castes while Jainism is a different religion and so strictly speaking outside of the caste system.

2 Interactions in the ‘Field’

1. The store name refers to the city of Baroda whose name was changed to Vadodara in 1974. I continue to use the name ‘Baroda’ when referring to the city as my participants did. 2. Heaphy and Einarsdottir (2013) compared how couples behaved with one another during interviews, with their representation of their relationship. They found that the partner who was dominant in the interview, was often the partner who took a more dominant role in the relationship. 3. Taken from the course description. The location of the course is not men- tioned to protect the identity of the participants. 4. The course was open to both sexes but only women were enrolled at the time of the observations. 5. After each name I state the sex, age bracket and self- defined caste of the participant. Aditya told me specifically that he was ‘Gujarati Jain’ as opposed to ‘Kutchi Jain’ like his wife. This is primarily a geographical difference. 6. Navratri is a Gujarati Hindu festival of dancing for nine nights. The ‘garba’ is the dance event. 7. Jains are typically very strict vegetarians. 8. In the end though, I felt that Padma at 16 years of age was too young relative to the other participants so she only completed one interview.

180 Notes 181

9. Savage et al.’s (2013) study found that UK Asian respondents were least likely to use terminologies of class. 10. Darsha only completed two interviews. 11. This was not a pre- planned ‘methodological’ ploy, but rather a tactic I find myself often using in social situations as I attempt to reach a shared understanding with new acquaintances. 12. Priya was also a good friend with whom I regularly met and conversed outside of the recorded interviews. Although we communicated well in those conversations (in half Gujarati, half English) she chose to have an interpreter present in the recorded interviews.

3 Parental Authority, Youth Autonomy and Marital Decisions

1. ’Community’ is an ambiguous term used by participants which seems to primarily refer to the state which the person is from (e.g. the Gujarati community or the Punjabi community) but can also be used to refer to caste.

4 Pathways to Marriage

1. Seeta is a ‘Gujarati Patel’ and Ajay is a Rajput from Punjab. 2. In reaction, the campus security issued a new policy of checking the identity of all people entering the campus – the suggestion being that it was not university staff and students misbehaving. 3. See Phadke (2005) for a discussion on the strict separation of the private and the public in Indian Cinema so that ‘good women’ can be distinguished from ‘bad’, that is, women who are portrayed ‘outside’ are implicitly associated with sex workers and ‘easy’ women, while the ‘good’ women are portrayed in private spaces such as the home, reinforcing their ‘family’ status and their sexuality as private. 4. Participants refer rather ambiguously to their relationships as ‘friendships’ until marriage has been arranged with family. To ‘propose friendship’ infers the beginning of a relationship and is interpreted as a suggestion for marriage. 5. A love-arranged marriage between members of the same caste is theoretically possible but less likely since the young couple can arrange to have one another contacted through the ‘normal’ arranged marriage procedures. 6. Rajputs are Kshatriya caste group and the potter caste is part of the Vaishya caste group. 7. They were speaking in Hindi. 8. The majority of these are thought to be Sikh and therefore not Gujarati (few of whom are Sikh). See Singh Tatla (2006). 9. Search done on www.bharatmatrimony.com on 29 July 2010. 10. Such as the ‘Soulmates’ Guardian dating website (www.guardian.com/ soulmates) or Match™ Dating (www.match.com.). 11. As with ‘arranged marriage’, matrimonial websites were associated by my participants with second generation men who seek to marry an India- born woman. 182 Notes

12. Mochi is classified as a lower or ‘backward’ caste. 13. Such ideals of individual autonomy are closely related to liberal democracy. John Stuart Mill, a founding father of liberal political theory, wrote: ‘The only purpose for which power can be rightfully exercised over any member of a civilized community, against his will, is to prevent harm to others. … His independence is, of right, absolute. Over himself, over his own body and mind, the individual is sovereign’ (1859: 6). 14. ‘Model minority’ is a term which originated in the US to describe the relative educational and occupational success of some ethnic groups over others. It is a contested term due to some conflicting evidence which shows that, although there is high achievement amongst these ‘model minority’ groups, there is also a disproportionate number ‘underachieving’ – see, for example, Yang’s (2004) discussion on South East Asian American youths. I use the term to refer to Indians’ reputation in the UK as ‘well- adapted’ to British society – Modood (1992).

5 Love

1. Sind road was the local romantic spot, about 20 minutes drive outside the city overlooking a river. 2. Kissing in public was rare but couples held hands and/or put their arms around one another’s shoulders. 3. For particularly sensitive interview extracts I have omitted the pseudonyms of participants, as agreed with participants. This is to guard their identity should a partner or friend know that they participated in the study. 4. See Appendix 3 for a table of personal traits which participants ranked in order of importance when choosing a spouse. 5. ‘Boy’ and ‘girl’ are commonly used to refer to unmarried men and women regardless of their age. 6. But as Donner (2002) noted in her study in Kolkata, in arranged marriage too there are problems of ‘adjustment’. In these marriages, said problems are put down to individual personalities rather than proscribed caste/community differences.

6 Gender

1. Seeta and I shared an apartment together and so I had many opportunities to observe her interactions with Ajay. 2. Nilesh and his wife Jambli told me they have a ‘love marriage’. Here he talks about his more ‘practical’ reasons for wanting to marry Jambli, but at other times he painted a very ‘romantic’ picture of their relationship. This high- lights again the integration of both affect and so- called traditional criteria for participants, even in a ‘love’ marriage. 3. Note though that most of the studies cited in this review were not conducted with middle class women. Puri’s study (1999) amongst middle class women in Mumbai did find some evidence of pleasurable sexual experience. 4. Renu also comes from a ‘Gujarati area’ but as I explain below, had different views to these three women. Notes 183

5. Certain statements in this chapter are cited without reference to the exact speaker due to the sensitivity of the topic. 6. A derogatory term used to refer to Travellers, Gypsies or people of working class. 7. Her husband. 8. Men also referred to the reaction of their parents when explaining why they think a woman should not work after marriage. For example, Aditya told me his parents would be ‘worried’ about Geet if she was out working when justifying his preference for her short work hours to me. 9. Though some women gleefully told me of watching their mother- in- laws cooking while they were menstruating. 10. Lunch box. 11. See, for example, Puri’s study (1997) on Harlequin and Mills & Boon readers in India. Puri argues that these books show alternative models of behaviour for young Indian women – heroines in working independent positions – to which her participants aspired. But many were depressed by the discrepancy between the lives of the books’ protagonists and what they saw as their inability to live a similar life. 12. ‘Additional paternity leave’ was not available in the UK at the time of the research. 13. See Ahmed (2010) for a discussion of how happiness has been used histori- cally as an argument for sustaining gendered divisions of labour.

7 Conclusions

1. Referring to the terrorists attacks in New York on the 11th September 2001 and in London UK on the 7th July 2005. 2. Research on the outcomes of marriage between spouses of differing socioeconomic position is equivocal; it is not clear that they are more likely to end in divorce. See Jalovaara (2003) and Frimmel, Halla et al. (2010). 3. Their ranking of desirable spouse traits was also markedly different to their peers. See Appendix 2. References

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Adjustment, 22, 115, 157, 182n Caplan, P., 14, 156 As a desirable quality in women, 159 Caste(s), caste system, 14, Adultery, see infidelity 24, 180n Anthropology Class and, 16, 115, 149 Of community/caste, 14–15 Community and, 181n Of Indian marriage, 11 Endogamy, 14–15, 72, 100, 114 Appadurai, A., 163 Identity, 34, 52 Agency, 11, 56, 57, 82, 85, 88, 93, 160 Marriage practices and, 14, 86 See also choice; autonomy ‘not-community’, 15 Arranged marriage, 3, 79–81, 93 Charmaz, K., 49, 50, 167–8 Associated with forced marriage, Chastity, 127 85, 153 See also Virginity Choice of spouse within, 57, 81, 83, Children 85, 92, 148, 159 Love marriage and, 115 Courtship in, 82 Mothers’ responsibility, 125, 134, Definition, 3 137–8, 145 Empowering, 159 Relatives caring for, 136 Gender roles and, 122, 153 Choice Inter-caste, 15, 72 Discourse of, 7, 81, 148 Love in, 100, 103–105, 107, 148, 154 In arranged marriage, 80–1, 159 Morally superior, 149, 155 Individual vs family, 60, 82, Preference for, 57, 79, 159 151–2, 160 Procedures, 79–81 Inhibited by love, 110, 113–4 Versus introduced marriage, Negotiating with parents, 57, 58, 85–86, 88 60, 65, 72, 82, 151–2, 160 See also Transnational marriage; Parental approval of choice of Introduced marriage; endogamy spouse, 63–4 Arranging love, 94–5, 103–5, 150, 161 Proven by love, 151–2 Attachment Right to, 57, 160 Between husband and wife, 100, Solely by couple, 64, 70 102, 111, 113, 161 See also, love marriage Family, 52–3 Class See Middle class; caste Autonomy, 148, 158–161 Cohabitation, 65, 84, 90–91, 93 In marital decisions, 10, 57, 73, 78, Colonial influence, 127 93, 149, 158–161 Collier, J., 7, 8 Maturity and, 160 Community, 11, 12, 65, 181n Of women, 8, 10, 130 And not-community, 15 See also Choice; agency Marrying within, 87, 115 See also caste; endogamy Bharatiya Janata Party (BJP), 149 Companionate marriage, 180n Breadwinner, 8, 136–7, 139, 145, See also gender equality and 146, 156 companionate marriage See also Gender roles Comparability, methods, 31, 168

195 196 Index

Connell, R., 8, 17, 119, 126, 139, Emotions and spontaneity, see love, 144, 145, 157 spontaneous Consent Engagement, 64, 75, 77, 80, 82, 98, In research, 20, 48 100, 104 To marriage, 56, 57 See also courtship Consumption Equality, See Gender equality Courtship and, 76, 77, 116 Ethics, research 41–23, 48 Middle class, 149 Ethnography Modernity and, 12, 149 At home vs abroad, 31–3 Respectability and, 76–7 Non-community specific, 14–16 Courtship Extra-marital affairs see infidelity After engagement or introduction, 82, 104, 106 Family, 51 Consumption and, 76, 77, 116 As class project, 125, 145, 149 Freedom and, 104 Attachment, 33, 51–2, 60–1, 70, 137 Love-arranged marriage, 72–3 Being outcast from, 59, 65, 66, 82 ‘lower class’, 75–76 History of love marriage, 132, 162 Socially approved, 82 Idealisation of, 137, 145, 157 See also, Dating; Speed-dating; love Interdependency, 5, 53, 70, 160 marriage Joint, 52, 121, 135–6 Cultural identification, 162 Nuclear, 8, 135–6, 158 Responsibility to, 7, 10, 53, 56, 71, Das, V., 7, 145 110, 160 Dating, 41, 91, 103 See also Filial duty; Parental duty; See also Courtship; Speed-dating; Responsibility love marriage Female Decision-making Participation in arranged marriage, Between spouses, 123, 139–42 58, 78–81 Women’s participation in labour Sexuality, 126–8, 131–4 force, 139, 143–4 Feminism, 7, 45 See also, Choice; autonomy Fernandes, L., 13, 114, 125, 149, 187 de Munck, V.C., 4, 93, 154 Fieldwork Desire, 4, 10, 107 Female researchers, 44, 46 Choice and, 151–2 Positioning, 43–6 Gendered nature, 127, 130 Relationship researcher-participant, Love and, 4, 10, 96, 105–7, 110–13, see Friendship 150–1 See also, Ethnography Uncontrollable, 111–12 Filial duty, 57, 70, 73, 75, 158 Sexuality and, 10, 151 Forced marriage, 34, 66, 85, 153, 159 Divorce, 52, 83, 92, 105, 134, Friendship, 61, 103 159, 183n ‘proposing’, 72–3, 77–8, 181n Donner, H., 2, 6, 9, 10, 31, 44, 51, 78, with participants, 30, 42–3, 181n 101, 125, 150, 161, 182 Fuller, C.J. and H. Narasimhan, 2, 6, Dowry, 11 9, 13, 14, 16, 157 Dumont, L., 14 Duty, see Filial duty; Parental duty Gender equality Companionate marriage and, 6, 8, Elopement, 59, 66, 68, 70, 74 16, 155–7, 180n Emotional labour, 8 Ideals of, 119–26 Index 197

Love and, 6–9, 156–7 Introduced marriage, 11, 84–8, 92, Modernity and, 5–6, 124, 138, 146 95, 101–2, 109, 110, 152, Gender inequality 153, 163 Compliance with, 144–5, 146 As last resort, 34, 88–91 Ignoring, 147 Gender roles and, 138–9 Love and, 146–7, 157 Gender roles, parenting, 138, 146 Jainism, 24, 180n See also breadwinning; ‘head of the Jamieson, L., 3, 4, 5, 8, 112, 116, household’; housework 118, 119, 130, 132, 146, Generational change, 2, 88–9, 92, 147, 151, 152 101–2, 156 Jati (caste), 14 Globalisation, 1, 13, 149, 150, 163 Joint family living, 52, 135–6 Grounded theory, 49, 167–8 Gujarat, 13 Kanya daan, gift of the virgin, 127 Gujarati migration, 152 Language, fieldwork, 20–1 ‘Head of the household’, 8, 25, 53, 64, See also, Translators and translations 119, 140–1, 144, 146 Law and marriage, 66–7, 152 Healthy sexuality, 129, 133 Love Heterogeneity of marriage arrange- Arranging, 94–5, 103–5, 150, 161 ments, 68, 84 As prerequisite to marriage, 82, Hindu 94, 96 gift of virgin, 127 At first sight, 105–7, 110–13, 159 -Muslim marriage, 65, 66, 68, 70, 72 ‘Authentic’, 92–3, 108–10, 151, 161 Nationalism, 149 Culminating in marriage, 101–2 Hirsch, J., 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 8, 9, 118, 119, Definitions of, 4, 116 149, 155, 157 Doomed, 10 Hochschild, A., 6, 104, 146 History of concept, 4–6 Horoscopes, 97–8 Natural, 17, 96, 99, 100, 108–10, Housework, 119, 120, 134–6, 137, 148, 151, 160 144, 160 see also Love, Spontaneous Hypergamy, 114 Parental, 160 Pure love versus physical love, 10, Ideal husband, 118, 120, 123, 169–71 96, 105–7, 113, 150 Ideal wife / woman, 124–5, 127, Sex and, 4, 112, 152 156–7, 169–71 Spiritual, see Pure love versus Individualism, 5, 60, 93, 124, 160 physical love Infidelity, 127, 157 Spontaneous, 17, 96, 104, 105, Interpreters, see Translators and 108–10, 111, 116, 160 translations; Language fieldwork Unreliability of passionate, 68, 107, Interviews, 20–1, 39 114, 159 Couple interviews, 21, 180n Love-arranged marriage, 68, 70, 71–9, Intimacy 95, 159, 181n Definition, 3–4 Love marriage Gender equality and, see Gender As ‘western’, 9, 92, 107, 154 equality and love; Gender Deaths, 82 inequality and love Hiding of, 9, 75 Practices of, 3–4 Less likely to last, 67–8, 107, Sexuality and, 4 114–5, 159 198 Index

Love marriage – continued Public and private accounts, 40–1 Processes of social legitimation, 107 Public displays of affection, 22–3, See also, elopement 39, 76 Lust, see desire Preparation for marriage, 22, 122 see also adjustment Marriage Presentation of researcher, 33, 43–6 As unifying two families, 52–3, Physical love, see love 63, 158 Pure love, see love Of siblings, 69, 71, 76, 79, 82, 136 Responsibilities, 10, 53, 56, 61, Racism, 33 104, 139, 141, 160 Raj, D.S., 10, 11, 65 See also Arranged marriage; Rebhun, L, 1, 5, 104, 108 elopement; companionate Relationships with participants, 41, marriage; introduced marriage; 42–3 love-arranged marriage; love See also friendship marriage; transnational Reputation, 44, 52, 59–60, 70, 75–6, marriages 78, 80, 83, 126, 145 Matchmaking, 39, 86, 87, 108, 180n Respectability, 56, 77, 157, 159 Matrimonial classifieds, 79, 176 Sexual, 10 Matrimonial websites, 79–80, 86, See also, trustworthiness of young 87, 172–5 people Maturity, 53, 58–9, 155, 160 Respect for parents, 53, 110, 120 Middle class Responsibility Definition, 13, 24 After marriage, 53, 56, 61, 104, 139, ‘new’ middle class, 13, 114, 149 141, 160 Model minority, 94, 182n Gendered, 139, 141, 145, 160 Mody, P., 9, 15, 52, 60, 65, 71, 73, Of parents see parental duty 82, 83, 107, 152, 158, 160 Romance, see courtship Romantic love, 4–5, 14–15, 93–4, NRIs, 12, 84, 121, 148, 180n 111–12, 116, 147, 148, 151–3, 155, 160–1 Oakley, A., 42, 43 Osella, C. and F. Osella, 6, 8, 9, 14, Same-caste marriage, see endogamy 100, 122, 142, 145, 156 Self-chosen marriage, see love Ostracism, 65, 70, 82, 95, 192 marriage Selfhood Parental authority, 53–6, 158 Independent individual, 93, Denial of, 65–6, 95, 160 151, 160 Parental duty, 60 Socially embedded individual, 52–3, Parry, J., 2, 5, 6, 10, 14 60, 158, 160 Participant descriptions, 25–31, 35–9 Sex Patrilocality, 52, 115 Before marriage, see premarital Phadke, S., 76, 181 relationships Physical love see desire; love ‘cheapening’, 75–6, 113, 131–3, Pleasure, mutual, 133–4 142, 162 Power, 139–142 Within marriage, 129–30 see also Decision-making Women initiating, 130 Premarital relationships, 10, 76–7, Sexual restraint, 76, 107, 127 150, 152, 162 Social status, see caste; class Index 199

Speed-dating, 39, 64, 86–7, 108, 148, Transnational marriages, 84–5, 153 153, 161 Trustworthiness of young people, Spontaneous love, see Love, 54–9 Spontaneous Twamley, K., 2, 32 State interference in marriage, see law and marriage Virginity, 7, 78, 111, 127–31, 133, Suitable spouse, traditional criteria, 142, 161–2 71, 78–9, 87, 97, 106–8, 115, Double standards, 130–1, 142 150, 182 Wardlow, H., 1, 2, 4, 8, 9, 118, 119, Time pass relationship, 10, 25, 30, 149, 155, 157 75–8, 79 Women’s rights and family decay, Translators and translations, 21, 47–48 124–5, 145, 157 See also, Language, fieldwork, 20–1 Westernisation, 9, 92 Transnationalism, 12–13, 148 Wife-givers and wife-takers, 71, 127