1 2 3 4 5 6 Contents Prologue ...... 10 Chapter 1: A Repose even for this Up-and-coming Adventurer! ...... 12 1 ...... 12 2 ...... 14 3 ...... 20 4 ...... 24 5 ...... 27 6 ...... 28 7 ...... 33 Chapter 2: Eternal Slumber for the Master of this Lake! ...... 37 1 ...... 37 2 ...... 42 3 ...... 43 4 ...... 44 5 ...... 48 6 ...... 49 7 ...... 52 8 ...... 54 9 ...... 58 Chapter 3: A Lecture for this Runaway Daughter! ...... 60 1 ...... 60 2 ...... 61 3 ...... 65 4 ...... 68 5 ...... 73 6 ...... 77 7 ...... 79 Chapter 4: One Last Night with this Young Lady! ...... 82 1 ...... 82 2 ...... 84 4 ...... 89 5 ...... 92 6 ...... 97 7 ...... 99 8 ...... 103 Chapter 5: Blessings upon this Bride! ...... 105 1 ...... 105 2 ...... 107 3 ...... 110 4 ...... 113 5 ...... 118 6 ...... 121 7 ...... 129 8 ...... 135

7 Interlude: Demons Sneer in Dead of Night ...... 142 Epilogue 1: —Welcome Home!— ...... 149 Epilogue 2: —Eris and Chris— ...... 157 Afterword ...... 160 «I Want to Thank You from Time to Time» ...... 162 Notes ...... 165

8 この素晴らしい世界に祝福を！ KONOSUBA Blessings upon this Wonderful World!

Akatsuki Natsume

Mishima Kurone

9 Prologue

｢You are such a-, you are such a-! Why are you always like this!!?｣ ｢Why are you always like this!? What the hell have you got to complain about that you’re always scolding me!? Are you one of those people!? Are just trying to get my attention? Are you tsundere? If you love me then just say so!｣ I spat those words out as I lay face-down on the sofa, making Darkness’ eyebrows jerk upwards. ｢Who would fall in love with a pathetic shut-in virgin like you!? You’re never short on stupid things to say! It’s time I taught you a lesson!｣ ｢S-Stop it! I’m in the middle of polishing Iris’ precious ring! What would happen if it got lost in the fighting? This thing is priceless, you said so yourself!｣ As Darkness began crushing the nape of my neck, I flaunted the ring in hopes of getting her off me. ｢I’m mad because it’s a priceless item! That’s a national treasure, something Iris- sama has kept close to her skin dearly ever since she was born, and you’re wiping it with your filthy handkerchief!｣ ｢H-Hey, I’m actually hurt by that, you know!? It may just be a cheap handkerchief, sure, but I’m taking good care of this ring full of memories of Iris!｣ ｢I’m not talking about how much it cost, I’m saying that’s the handkerchief you sometimes blow your nose into! Get a proper brand new cleaning cloth!!｣ Darkness kept shouting for a while, but eventually she decided to let go of me and sat down on the sofa with a tired expression. ｢I swear, being around you is exhausting. I’m finally back in this town and I can’t get a moment’s peace.｣ ｢That’s my line. For how much of a handful you usually are you still find time to put on the serious act and start preaching. I know your family is just barely clinging on to the ass end of the nobility ladder, but you are still an ojousama, remember? I don’t think it would kill you to act more dignified and elegant like a proper noble girl should from time to time.｣ ｢A-Ass end!? You would say that about the Dustiness family, right hand of the King himself...!? ...You must be the only man in this whole wide world who would dare say something like that to me.｣ ｢Oi, if you want to praise me you can be more straightforward.｣ ｢I wasn’t praising you.｣ Leaning her back against the sofa, Darkness sipped from the cup of black tea that was on the table.

10 ｢...Now that I think about it, you’ve always been this way, haven’t you. The kind of strange man who even when I revealed who I really am was were more interested in my name than my position.｣ ｢Oh, you’re the last person I want calling me strange, Lalatina – sheltered masochist ojousama adventurer. How many more character traits do you want to cram in there, you greedy woman you?｣ Darkness set the tea cup she drank from down on the table. ｢...I really have to settle the score with you one day.｣ ｢Yeah, yeah, feel free to challenge me again any time, ojousama.｣ Blowing the frustrated Darkness off half-heartedly, I also took a sip of black tea. ｢Hey, this is good. For how clumsy you are, you can at least brew a good cup of tea.｣ Hearing those words seemed to cheer Darkness up just slightly. ｢Fufu, you may call my cooking average, but I have pride in myself when it comes to black tea. The secret to a delicious cup of black tea is to warm the cup beforehand and to pour until the very last drop. If you apologise for that crude remark just now, I wouldn’t mind pouring you another cup.｣ ｢All right, all right, sorry for teasing you. If it’s any comfort, I’d hire you as my maid if you ever lose your nobility.｣ ｢As if that would ever happen! ...Honestly, I can’t for the life of me figure you out. You seem like a coward but sometimes you act with bravery too. Sometimes you are kind to those in need, but you also spend your evenings with a strange bunch and you sometimes some very unpraiseworthy things. Which is the real you?｣ ｢What do you mean the ‘real’ me? Sometimes you’re in a good mood so you do nice things, other times you feel like crap and decide to maybe piss up a tree. That’s how it goes for everyone, right? That’s how I am: normal. Sorry for not being a gallant hero.｣ ｢That’s nothing to apologise for. In fact, I find normal men more likable than princes and heroes. ...Men like you, for example.｣ ｢O-Oi, what the hell is that supposed to mean? What was that? First Megumin and now you too; what’s with all these vague remarks? Say it clearly, so we virgins can understand.｣ At my words, Darkness put on a light smile. ｢Hm, who knows?｣ she said, and cheerfully took a sip of black tea.

11 Chapter 1: A Repose even for this Up- and-coming Adventurer!

1 —A letter of summons arrived from the Adventurers’ Guild one day, some while after we had come back to Axel.

｢Well, Adventurer Satou Kazuma-san, the reason we have called you here today...｣

Across the counter at the Adventurers’ Guild, the employee lady showed me a broad smile as she held a heavy bag to her chest. ｢We could not offer you the payment sooner due to it being such a large sum, but... Here is your reward for defeating the notorious bounty, «Silvia, General of the Demon King» – three hundred million Eris in total! This makes it no less than four generals of the Demon King you have defeated so far, Satou-san! You are the ace of Axel’s Adventurers’ Guild! ...Now, please accept this!｣ ｢｢｢｢｢｢OOOOOOOOH! ｣｣｣｣｣｣ Cheers went out from the adventurers who were watching the scene unfold. I turned to the peanut gallery with a cocky smile on my face and stuck my hand out to grab the heavy bag. ｢Oi, oi, pipe down, you guys. It’s not like it’s the first time I’ve brought down a big prize like this, is it? I swear, making such a fuss over a mere three hundred million Eris...... Uh? You can let go of the bag now, ma’am. Don’t worry, I won’t drop it or anything. Um, can you...! Oi, let go! Let go of the friggin’ thing!!｣ I began jostling with the employee lady, who seemed reluctant to part with the bag. ｢Man, Kazuma and his party defeated four of the Demon King’s generals? I used to worry about when they’d get themselves wiped out at first. Hell of a rise to fame they’ve had, eh?｣ ｢You said it. They couldn’t even hunt frogs properly back in the day, but now Kazuma-kun’s one of the richest and most successful guys in town. Baffling.｣ Those kinds of voices could be heard from all over the Guild. ｢Hey, I always thought Kazuma had what it takes to pull through when it counts.｣ ｢Dude, weren’t you the one who used to want to take bets on when Kazuma’s party would get themselves killed? ...Still, it’s something to behold, huh. Kazuma’s an «Adventurer», the class everyone calls the weakest, and his gear isn’t anything special. Makes it even more amazing to think he went head-to-head against generals of the Demon King.｣

12 I finally managed to snatch the bag away, and I held onto it tightly as I turned to face the people still gossiping about me. And then... ｢Christ. Oi, oi, flattery won’t get you anything from me, you know? Except for maybe a round of the best booze in the bar for EVERYONE HEEEEEREEEEE!｣ As I made that statement with a smug expression, the guild broke into cheers. ｢Uwooooooh! Kazuma-san, you roooock!｣ ｢Kyaaaa! Kazuma-san, you’re the best! Marry me! And be my sugar daddy!!｣ ｢Biggest player in town, this guy!｣ ｢Lucker through and through, Kazuma-san!｣ ｢Ha, ha, ha, sweet talk me all you want, but you’re not getting anything else... O-Oi, which one of you just called me a lucker? I’ve got lots more than just luck!｣ It must be nearly a year now since I came to this place. This time has finally come. Yes, my time.

｢—Unbelievable! Kazuma, you are just unbelievable!! We were worried that you were taking so long to come home, and you’re out partying without even telling us! How could you? I knew it was a good idea to come check on you!｣ Aqua said, sitting across from me in the Guild, which was about 20% rowdier than usual. ｢Well sorry for staying out late, but you were the one who said getting summoned by the Guild was probably going to be bad news and told me to come here alone. All right, here, the ice-cold crimson beer I ordered is here. Go on, have a drink.｣ As Aqua puffed up her cheeks, I plonked down the pint of crimson beer I had ordered for myself in front of her. ｢Listen, if you think you can butter me up with drinks you’re gravely mistaken. Megumin was so worried she was pacing around the house like a bear asking ‘Why is he taking so long...’ every five minutes, and even Darkness was tearing at her hair and mumbling something like ‘Could it be what I think it is? Did Iris-sama find out who the honourable thief was after all? Aah, what shall we do, what can we do...’! ...Puhaaaa! Heeey, get me another of these crimson beers!｣ Pounding on the table in anger, Aqua finished the pint of ice-cold beer in one gulp and ordered more. Next to me, softly nursing a drink, Megumin said: ｢Still, I am relieved to see we were called here on a positive note for once. Aqua wanted to bet on if it was good or bad news, and said ‘three thousand Eris says Kazuma committed a major crime and is getting arrested at the Guild right now’.｣ Oi. ｢She also wanted us to pack so we could skip town in case you got involved in big trouble. That’s what that rucksack by her feet is for.｣

13 After hearing Darkness, and confirming that there was indeed a pack by Aqua’s feet, I began to roar at her as she cheerily picked up her second pint of crimson beer. ｢Like hell you were worried about me! What’s with this bag!? Oi, I’m taking that second pint, hand it over!｣ ｢No way, order your own! And it’s true I was a little worried! I mean, I’d be in all kinds of trouble if you went away! Like...! Like... Like...? Hey Darkness, why would it be bad for us if he was gone?｣ ｢Are you fucking kidding me!? Do you have any idea how much I have to clean up after you people!? It’s about time you got what’s coming to you! Come on, let’s take this outside!｣ ｢Ah- What are you pulling on!? Don’t stretch my god item, stop! STOP IT!!｣ Aqua slapped my hands in protest as I grabbed her by the hagoromo and was trying to pull her outside. ｢Honestly. I don’t know what Iris-sama sees in such a noisy and ill-tempered man... Well, I suppose novelty has a certain appeal too, if only for a short while...｣ Darkness muttered in astonishment to herself next to Aqua, while savouring the fragrance of the wine she had ordered. A lot happened in the royal capital. We repelled an attack of the Demon King’s army alongside other adventurers. We protected a noble’s property from the thief who’s been stirring up the town. We even secretly prevented a kingdom-wide crisis that nobody even knew about. And most of all, I got an adorable little sister named Iris... ｢I wonder how Iris is doing. I hope she’s not feeling lonely and crying herself to sleep at night. ...I know, I’ll ask Vanir to make a doll that’s an exact copy of me. He did say his Vanir doll that laughs in the middle of the night is selling well. I can get him to make me a Kazuma doll that laughs in the middle of the night and send it to Iris. She won’t be lonely at night anymore.｣ ｢Oi Kazuma, you absolutely cannot send something that suspicious to her! I’ll let you send her letters through me, so give up on that! You might end up being labelled a terrorist!｣ 2 A week has gone by since we accepted the reward from the Guild. After having been gone on trip after trip, we were enjoying living in Axel to the fullest; something we haven’t been able to do for a long time. ｢—Oi, who made this!? Someone call the chef who made this, tell him that none other than the famous Satou Kazuma, slayer of countless bounties, is asking for him!｣ ｢Tell him Archpriest Aqua-san is calling for him too!｣ Suddenly finding ourselves millionaires, Aqua and I had been going on a tour of the restaurants in town, sampling gourmet food every day.

14 A young man who seemed to be the chef came over to the corner of the restaurant we had reserved to ourselves. ｢H-How may I help you, sir, madam? Is there anything you find disagreeable?｣ Having been suddenly called out, the chef seemed somewhat alarmed and looked at us pensively. ｢Not at all, the food is delicious and I just wanted to offer my compliments in person. After having lived in the royal palace, to serve something that impresses even my palate is no small feat.｣ ｢T-Thank you very much, sir.｣ As the confused chef bowed his head, Aqua wiped her mouth with a napkin. ｢You used wine to enhance the flavour of this stew, didn’t you? This subtle aroma must be red wine. The label... Romane Conteniu, aged three years. ...Correct?｣ ｢I used bargain vinegar I bought just a while ago.｣ ｢...I see. Well, you’ve marvellously managed to draw out the flavour of the cheap vinegar.｣ ｢Oh, please, you are too kind. Thank you.｣ Having regained his composure after realising we weren’t going to cause trouble for him, the chef bowed towards Aqua. I showed the high-spirited chef the half-eaten piece of meat on my fork. ｢The stew was delicious, but I was particularly impressed by this. This tender stuff. The flavour is like... Like sneaking into the room of a girl you like, and then the thrill of opening up her closet only to find out it’s a mimic. It has that sort of strong, unpredictable impact... You get what I’m trying to say here, chef?｣ ｢Not in the slightest, sir.｣ ｢Oh well. To put it plainly, it’s incredibly delicious. Adventurer Satou Kazuma gives this restaurant three stars.｣ ｢I’m giving this place three stars too.｣ ｢Thank you very much. I will devote myself to earning four stars next time,｣ the chef said with a bright smile, as I personally handed him several Eris notes. ｢Haha, good man! This was delicious, we’ll definitely be back. ...This is for the fine meal, and keep the change for yourself. Thanks for the meal.｣ ｢Thanks for the meal~!｣ ｢You paid the exact amount, but I would be honoured to serve you again. Thank you very much.｣ As the smiling chef saw us off until we went out the door, Aqua and I left the restaurant.

—Having become nouveau riche thanks to Silvia’s bounty, we spent every day like this, in the lap of luxury. We split her three hundred million Eris bounty evenly between the four of us, and I was set to receive an even bigger sum from my dealings with Vanir. 15 With that money alone I’d be able to spend the rest of my life without having to work and even indulge in a little extravagance. I’ve won. All the hardships I went through paid off, and I’ve finally joined the ranks of the successful adventurers. Stroking our stuffed bellies, Aqua and I arrived at our mansion, befitting of first-class adventurers like ourselves. And, as we chatted about where we should go for dinner, we knocked on the front door... ｢We’re ba-...｣ ｢My, what a perverted Crusader you are! Come on, I know you want this. Stop holding yourself back, just be honest with...! ...Ah.｣ ｢I refuse to yield to such a thing! On my pride as a Crusader, I shall endure for hours on... Ah.｣ Rolled up in a futon, Darkness was lying by the entrance hall. Squatting in front of her and dangling a bit of ice in front of her face was Megumin. Both of their faces were flushed bright red, and Darkness was even panting heavily.

16 17 I met their eyes and slowly began to close the door. Then, the door flew open and Megumin dashed out in a panic. ｢Please do not just close the door! You have got it all wrong!｣ ｢No, no, it’s fine, don’t worry, we get it. We’ll just go out and get something to eat, you guys finish up. We can even stay the night somewhere else if you want.｣ ｢The Axis faith approves of same-sex love. Do you need a blessing spell?｣ ｢You do not understand at all! This is just, um, Darkness, she...｣ Megumin grabbed my and Aqua’s arms and desperately tugged on them. ｢Kh, to even bring humiliation upon me at this point...! I do not want to let them see me in such an unsightly state, but that still isn’t enough to make me yield!｣ ｢You are making things worse so please just be quiet for a second, Darkness!｣ As I went slightly closer to the squirming, wrapped-up Darkness, I felt hot air coming from the doorway. Even though it’s almost summer, those two must’ve lit the fireplace. ｢This is not some kind of play, Darkness just asked me to help her practice for an endurance competition. Apparently she is champion of the endurance competition held every summer in this town.｣ Her face burning from the heat coming from inside, Megumin rubbed the bit of ice on the equally flushed Darkness’ forehead. ｢I’m half disappointed and half relieved, but if you want to practice then do it at your own house. What are you thinking, making it this hot in the middle of the day?｣ Looking pleased by having Megumin rub ice on her head, Darkness let out a relieved sigh and said: ｢Actually, my father’s health has gotten worse recently. I wouldn’t want to make him worry, thinking ‘What in the world is my unmarried daughter doing?’, so I want to more or less keep this a secret.｣ ｢Your old man didn’t get sick because of you lighting the fireplace in the house, did he?｣ The ice probably cooling off her weird excitement from earlier: ｢Phew... Well, now that Kazuma and Aqua are here, I suppose we should call it a day. Thanks to Megumin’s help I now know that raising my level since last year also increased my resistance to heat. Oi Kazuma, could you please untie me?｣ she asked, wriggling around...... ｢You know, the way you are now kind of reminds me of the time I was tied up with Bind back in Aldarp’s mansion, in the royal capital.｣ ｢...? Does it? Now that you mention it, I guess that did happen. Well, we can talk about it later. Please untie me first. The bottom of the futon is drenched with sweat and I want to take a bath soon.｣ At my words, Aqua and Megumin leaned over the squirming Darkness. 18 They must have caught on to what I was thinking, as they were both smirking. Darkness looked up with a somewhat uneasy expression. I began making a big show of wriggling my fingers. ｢We’ve known each other for a long time now. You should know what kind of guy I am by now. That’s right, I’m a man who always gets even. ...Oi, oi, you sure had a lot of fun tormenting me when I was tied up, didn’t you, Darkness-san! Funny seeing you like this todaaaaaaay!｣ ｢Kh! K-Kill me!!｣ Starting to struggle and her cheeks once again turning red, Darkness said a female knight-ish line for the first time.

｢—Phew. Kazuma really had his way with my hot, tied up body...｣ ｢O-Oi, phrasing. It sounds indecent when you say it like that.｣ After everyone had their fill of tickling the immobilized Darkness. Though she sounded like she was complaining, she had a satisfied glow about her. ｢I was thinking of training some more tomorrow. So, Kazuma, would you like to be the one who dangles the ice in front of me while I try to endure the heat tomorrow?｣ ｢No, I wouldn’t. ...I said no, stop looking at me with those hopeful eyes.｣ I shooed Darkness, who kept looking at me with puppy dog eyes, to go off and take a shower, and saw Aqua sitting barefoot hugging her knees up on the sofa. ｢Jeez, where did that gallant Darkness from the royal capital run off to? Even I went to the public graveyard to purify the lost souls last night, you know? She should learn from a civic-minded person like me.｣ Even though you completely forgot about your promise to Wiz to visit the graveyard and only rushed over to purify it when rumours started spreading about ghosts causing mischief. ...But, leaving that aside for now. Something more pressing has been on my mind for a while. ｢...So, that thing you’ve been holding up on your stomach. ...What exactly is it?｣ Aqua had a blanket over her knees, and there was a small egg on top of it. Even when we went outside, she was putting her hands in her pockets and fiddling around with something. ｢Ara ara, suddenly very curious about this, are we, Kazuma? Very well, I’ll tell you. Brace yourself, because this is - and you’re not going to believe this - a dragon egg.｣ ｢｢Dragon!?｣｣ As Megumin and I called out in amazement, Aqua put on a smug, boastful face. ｢I was at home by myself a while ago when this peddler guy who had heard about our achievements came by. «My eyes are not worthy of such a sight! You are the brave adventurer who faced off against the Demon King’s army, the one I have been searching for! For you, who fights against the Demon King’s forces without fear 19 or uncertainty, I offer a very special item!» he said. He told me that if we’re going to continue fighting the Demon King’s army, having a dragon familiar would be essential. I was like ‘Oh yeah, that makes sense’.｣ He’s heard about our achievements? Sounds fishy as all hell. I think it’s more likely he heard that we have a lot of money. Taking no notice of my sullen face, Aqua explained about the so-called dragon egg. ｢Now listen. I know Kazuma is a big dum-dum who doesn’t know anything about how things work around here, so I’ll explain. Dragon eggs are normally like super hard to get, right? Even if one does show up for sale a noble or some rich guy is going to buy it up immediately. So, if someone shows up specifically to sell one directly to you, you just have to buy it, don’t you? This is a dragon; a real, legit dragon. Aren’t you guys excited?｣ ...I’d be lying if I said I’m not at least a little bit excited, but the more I hear of this the more it sounds like BS. ｢...So how much did you pay for that egg?｣ I asked, and Aqua replied giddily: ｢Listen to this: he said he’d trade it for all the money I have! Since dragon eggs wouldn’t normally ever go for less than a hundred million, I asked him why it’s so cheap, right? He said he didn’t want to let the dragon just be a status symbol for some rich aristocrat who’d keep it as a pet, but that he wants it to be raised by ambitious adventurers who will put it to use against the Demon King!｣ Seeing Aqua holding the egg dearly in both hands, I felt slightly dizzy. ｢...And you just bought it like that.｣ ｢I sure did. I even already gave it a name. This little one’s name is Kingsford Zeltman. Since I’m the one raising it, I’m sure it’s going to become emperor of the dragons one day. You should call him by Emperor Zel.｣ As Aqua spoke, she held the egg in her palms and showered a soft light upon it. Maybe it’s some kind of temperature control magic, or some kind of goddess power to help it develop faster? Still, whichever way you want to look at it, that’s clearly a chicken egg. ｢So, until this hatches I won’t be able to go on any quests, all right? Hey Kazuma, I can’t use my hands right now bring me dinner and feed it to me.｣ How about eggs sunny-side-up? 3 ｢—Well, we’ll be off then. ...Sorry for leaving you to do the stupid job, Megumin.｣ ｢I do not mind. Aqua would refuse to go otherwise, and she seems to be the only one who can stand up to that demon.｣ The following day. With Aqua and Darkness in tow, I headed towards Wiz’s shop. Megumin stayed behind at the house. 20 Despite the hot weather, the fireplace was lit and the egg Aqua bought was wrapped in a blanket to warm it up. Apparently hatching an egg doesn’t just require keeping it warm, but also turning it over from time to time and other annoying little quirks. Aqua threw a tantrum about not wanting to go on account of her egg-hatching work, so this is the compromise we came to. Along with her and Darkness, I arrived at the cozy little magic item shop just off the town’s main street. ｢Hello! Helloooo!! Hey, open up, the sun’s been out for ages! Your most important customers are here! Come on, open the door already, open up!｣ Aqua banged on her old friend Wiz’s shop door early in the morning. After Aqua’s shouting, we could hear rushed footsteps coming from inside and eventually the door flung wide open. ｢Cease your insistent racket at this early hour! Have you no thoughts to spare for the neighbours, you public nuisance of a woman!? ‘Tis not yet opening time, so come back after you’ve washed your face!｣ The one who jumped out was the part-timer wearing an eerie mask. The supposed archdemon Vanir came out and yelled at us. ｢We’re not here as customers today, we’ve got some other business to take care of! You’d be busy after opening time, right? You should be thanking us for being so considerate and going out of our way to come here this early. Go on, let’s hear a ‘thank you’.｣ Aqua chuckled as she stared Vanir down. It’s thanks to the products I developed that this shop is now doing so unexpectedly well. My share comes from selling the intellectual rights to my items, so it won’t get any bigger regardless of how much they sell at Wiz’s shop. Still, knowing that the items I made are selling well does make me happy as an inventor. ｢I shudder at the thought that one so well established as being thoughtless such as you would ever be considerate. I can only assume this is a mere lead-in to some manner of punchline. ...But no matter, I understand what you are here for. The matter of the upstart lad’s remuneration, yes? Come inside and give me but a moment, I shall bring it to you,｣ Vanir said as he went into the shop, and Aqua darted in after him. ｢Thank me! I want to hear you say ‘Thank you for sparing some of your precious time for a worthless demon such as myself’!!｣

21 22 ｢I have told you to be quiet! Can you not silence yourself for the sake of the overworked shopkeeper who lies slumbering in the back after spending numerous nights awake!? If you continue to attempt to worsen our shop’s reputation with your clamour, I shall curse you with a spell that makes aloe grow out of thine bottom!!｣ ｢Bring it on, if you think you’re hard enough! You really think some small-time demon’s curse would have any effect on me? Are you stupid? I know you said that mask is your true form, but do you even keep any brains in there?｣ ｢Fuhahahahahaha! Fuhahahahahahaha!! It seems I must settle things with you once and for all! Very well, let us take this matter outside!｣ ｢Can you two meet face to face without starting a fight for once!? Also, if Wiz has been pulling all-nighters; has the shop really been doing that well?｣ I asked Vanir, after pulling the two apart from each other. ｢Indeed, this is what it must mean to laugh all the way to the bank. The merchandise sells as quickly as it is made, so our shopkeeper has been locked in a cycle of tending the shop by day and producing goods by night without food, drink or rest for the past two weeks. Lately she has become rather unstable, and it has been common for her to have outbursts of tears or laughter. That is hardly a state for her to appear in before our customers, so I have allowed her a break.｣ ｢Y-You...｣ As I stood in shock, Vanir came back with a bag containing my payment dangling in one hand and said: ｢I have given some thought as to how to prevent the troublesome shopkeeper from destroying our profits as soon as I leave her to her own devices. I have observed her for some while, and noticed that her uncalled for habits stem from having too much spare time on her hands. I figure having her work 24 hours a day without as much as meal breaks solves the issue rather well.｣ Offering his disturbing reasoning, he brought the bag forward. Even if she is an immortal Lich, I think that’s a bit too cruel. Also it’s getting hard to tell who’s the shopkeeper and who’s the employee here. ｢Incidentally...｣ Vanir turned on his heels and faced Darkness. ｢Oi, you there, idle one. The girl whose ripe body is filled with overwhelming carnal desires and despite being a maiden spends night after night-｣ ｢NAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!｣ Darkness suddenly shouted and charged at him. Vanir deftly avoided her. ｢...Umu umu, an ill emotion packed with the finest humiliation; simply delectable. Armoured girl, you bear the mark of ruin upon you. It is difficult for me to ascertain your future, perhaps owed to that woman radiating with ever irksome dazzling light wandering by your side. As thanks for helping me achieve this lucrative scheme,

23 I shall use my power to give you a thorough foretelling,｣ he then said, contorting the corners of his mouth into a demonic grin. ｢Hey, is that ‘radiating woman’ supposed to be me?｣ Aqua tugged on Vanir’s sleeve. ｢...The mark of ruin?｣ As Darkness unwittingly repeated with a stiff face, I...!

｢Oi forget that, tell me more about that thing you said when calling her out!｣

With tears building in the corners of her eyes and blushing up to her ears, Darkness came swinging her fists at me. 4 My molars are rattling. ｢Now then, allow me to take a look, girl who despite being affected by a stubborn sense of duty brought on by noble heritage nevertheless lacks true ability to do more than waste everyone’s time. Come, this way.｣ ｢...... ｣ Gritting her teeth in frustration, Darkness sat down opposite Vanir. As I looked at her I rubbed my cheek half in tears, after having received the full force of her punch. Aqua refused to heal me, saying I got my just deserts, so I was using my own Freeze to stem the swelling. I’ll ask Vanir to explain what he meant in detail later. ｢Hey, Darkness, remember to take this demon’s predictions with a pinch of salt. I’m sure you’d be much better off receiving a divine message from my graceful self instead of listening to what that freakshow has to say.｣ Very much doubt that. ｢Hmpf. My portents are unlike the vague, half-baked platitudes the gods may feed you. As clairvoyant demon, my ability to prognosticate far outmatches even that of professional diviners. ...Now then, I need ask you several questions. You may find some to be difficult to answer, but you must respond truthfully.｣ ｢F-Fine. ...I still don’t understand why a devout of Eris-sama and a holy knight such as me should have to listen to a demon’s fortune-telling though...｣ ｢It’s not like it’s going to cost you anything. What could be so bad about just answering a few questions?｣ I said casually, and Darkness muttered ‘I suppose you’re right’ before turning to face Vanir. ｢Umu, it seems you are prepared, then. Firstly, place one hand upon this crystal ball. ...Good, now you need only but wait. Now then, answer me these following questions in truth.｣ ｢Uu... A-All right...｣ Just like Vanir instructed, Darkness placed one hand above the crystal ball. 24 ｢I ask thee: As a Crusader, defensive ability is essential and thus the weight needed to plant yourself and withstand attacks is key, yet recently you have had your armour lightened in secret. Why is that?｣ At Vanir’s words, a shiver ran through Darkness. ｢...U-Um, I... S-S-Since I’m clumsy, I thought if I lightened my armour it might make it slightly easier for me to... t-to land my... hits...｣ Although very flustered, Darkness managed to squeeze an answer out. ｢I have told you to answer truthfully,｣ Vanir murmured...... ｢...Lately I’ve been worried that my abdominals are getting more and more defined so I... made my armour... lighter...｣ Darkness answered in a feeble voice, staring at the floor in embarrassment. ...She’s getting ripped, huh...... She’s self-conscious about it, huh. Hearing her reply, Vanir nodded in satisfaction. ｢Very good, very good. ...Now then, I ask thee: Your wizard comrade’s dress, tossed into the bathroom laundry hamper. Why was it that you secretly held it up to your own body in front of the mirror, and with a look of slight joy muttered ‘Nope, never. Definitely not happening...’? Moreover, why is it that when you yourself said that, your usually stern, aloof face was tilted whimsically and overcome with a bright smile? And why did you blush and your eyes dart in a panic to make sure you were not being seen, before hurriedly returning the dress to the hamper?｣ You’re really a force to be reckoned with, clairvoyant demon-sama. Just how much do you actually know, Vanir-sama? ｢...C-C-Cute clothes do not suit me, and I am embarrassed to buy any or even have someone else buy them for me, and, I haven’t even touched any until... It just caught my eye, and I had an impulse to try it... I-I know an unsociable, brawny woman like me has no right to such fancies, I’m sorry... I-I’m so sorry...｣ Covering her blushing face with both hands, Darkness apologised in a trembling voice. I don’t think just trying to imagine herself wearing Megumin’s clothes is worth being so remorseful over, but after having that brought to light Darkness’ emotional stamina must already be close to zero at this point. ｢I don’t think wanting to wear cute dresses is such a bad thing, Darkness! You’re always wearing gritty or mature clothes after all! We’ve already seen you wear ojousama-ish dresses, so I think you can wear cute one-piece dresses too! There’s nothing wrong with secretly wearing cute clothes!｣ Surely not meaning any harm, Aqua tried to encourage Darkness, who was already clenching her fists. With that dealing the killing blow, Darkness fell into her folded arms on the table, blushing up to her ears, and went completely still. Seeing her like that, Vanir again nodded with satisfaction. 25 And then... ｢And now, lastly: why is it that even though you are aware that the lad you share a house with watches you with lust-filled eyes, you nevertheless choose to wander about in revealing clothes that accentuate the contours of-｣ ｢Does-!? Does this even have anything to do with fortune-telling!?｣ Darkness stood up and banged on the table, almost in tears. Vanir just tilted his head, looking completely bemused. ｢Did I ever once say that I would be unable to foretell your future if you do not answer my questions? I merely asked, and you answered. Keeping your hand upon the crystal ball is all that is needed for the foretelling. My queries were merely a way to pass the time until it was complete... N-Now stop that! Lay not your hands upon my mask so freely! Do not attempt to pry my mask off in tears!｣

—Probably upset after having been thoroughly toyed with, though still keeping her hand on the crystal ball, Darkness was pouting and had her back turned towards Vanir, who was peering into it. ｢...Houhou, I see. Umu, I certainly see the mark of ruin. Your house, and your father, are to suffer a grave fate in the near future. Moreover, one as mentally ungifted as you would hastily believe all could be resolved by merely sacrificing yourself. But such a deed would benefit no one, and only beset your father with regret and chagrin for the remainder of his waking days. As for the best way to avoid this...｣ At Vanir’s words, Darkness very quickly put on a serious face. ｢...Oya, I see that your own power will not amount to anything. When the time comes, you had best abandon everything and flee. Indeed, fly to a faraway land alongside that timid lad who thinks ‘Maybe if I got more forceful I could probably get Darkness to crack at least’ yet lacks the courage to cross a certain boundary lest he ruin your current relationship.｣ ｢Oi stop, no seriously hold it right there. It’s like my party members’ trust in me goes down every time you open your mouth.｣ Darkness stood up without saying a word. I unwittingly jumped, but it doesn’t look like she’s angry in any case. Of course, I was just thinking that if I started coming on more strongly I could make some progress but I haven’t actually done anything yet. ｢...Thank you for your prediction, Vanir. However, no matter how dire the situation, I will never run away. ...Well, I will keep what you’ve said in the back of my mind. Kazuma. You’ve received your fortune, so I assume you won’t be going on any quests soon. It’s not because of this prediction, but I have been away from my family home for a while and I would like to go back and see my father again,｣ Darkness said, as she left the shop.

26 5 ｢Hey, crappy demon. Don’t you have anything more concrete to say? And after you called the word of god too vague. Also, do my fortune next. First I want to know what kind of dragon my soon-to-be born Emperor Zel will be. Will he have what it takes to rule over the dragon tribes? Ah, and one more thing. Now that I’m out of money from buying Emperor Zel, tell me a good, easy way to make money, if you really are as clairvoyant as you say,｣ Aqua suddenly brought on after Darkness left the shop. The corners of Vanir’s mouth sagged as if he would rather do anything else. ｢Never have I seen such a vulgar and worldy-minded goddess. If there were such a simple way to earn coin I would have long ago taught it to the pile of waste masquerading as the owner of this shop and used it for the erection of my dungeon. My power merely allows me to see clear into one’s past and what affairs await them in future. This ability is not one that bears fruit when used with covetous intent. ...You claim yourself a goddess when you know not even this much?｣ Aqua snorted at Vanir. ｢That’s a demon for you; I should’ve expected false advertising. Haah, useless, just useless. Kazuma, let’s go home already. I need to get back to hatching Emperor Zel. I want him to hatch already so I can feed this demon to him.｣ ｢...Oh, suddenly it comes to me. You would do well to change the name of this Emperor Zel to teriyaki instead. Do so, and I can guarantee the young one will be loved by all come dinnertime.｣

Vanir and Aqua both stood with half smiles on their faces.

｢Ara ara, what kind of name is that? A dragon’s going to come out of that egg, you know? I paid a lot of money for it. Now why would you suggest giving it such a tasty- sounding name?｣ ｢On my name of clairvoyant demon Vanir, I proclaim thus: From the egg the blind and lacking in judgement goddess has procured, a fine cut of fowl will be born...｣ I decided to leave the two to their standoff and take off with my precious bounty. Out of fear of it being stolen or losing it, I’m going to have the bank hold onto it. With me in high spirits after having been given a fortune and those two still glaring so hard at each other that their eyes could give off sparks, I went to leave the shop... ｢Hold there, boy who is eagerly awaiting to celebrate his newly acquired fortune by making a reservation at that one particular establishment for tonight.｣ I was stopped just as I was about to leave. Also I wish he wouldn’t see through my plans for tonight. ｢Do you remember what you were told when I first encountered you lot in this shop?｣ ｢...What you told us? Was there something?｣

27 I don’t think I can remember something from that long ago. ｢To forget even my words of advice, your memory must be nearly as bad as that of the goddess, boy. ...Alas, I shall offer you new counsel. Thou would do well to not lay complacent with thy reward, but endeavour to build many more and better selling goods. Do you believe yourself to so soon be rid of plight with regard to money? I shall tell you what I have told the Crusader girl before: she shall not achieve anything by her own strength. ...However, depending on how hard you work, your efforts may yet not be quite as futile.｣ ｢And I’ve got some advice too. The fortune thou hast worked desperately to earn will be squandered by Wiz yet again in no time at all. ...Well? Well? You just got a divination from clairvoyant Aqua herself, you know?｣ ｢｢...... ｣｣ —Hearing the sounds of potions breaking, those two shouting and other sounds of destruction coming from Wiz’s shop behind me, I was on my way back to the mansion. Vanir’s words as I was about to leave were churning through my head. According to him, Darkness’ house and her father were heading towards some grave misfortune. Darkness would shallowly think that she could save them by sacrificing herself. It would be up to me if it would all be resolved well or not. And I should continue developing popular goods if I want things to end well.

...Wuzzat mean?

6 One day, just when I was about to start forgetting Vanir’s prediction. Without even as much as a knock in terms of prior notice the front door opened, and a man wearing a servant’s uniform and a surly expression invited himself into the house. ｢Please excuse me for coming here at such an hour, and for interrupting your meal. I understand that my visit may be sudden, but there is an urgent matter concerning Dustiness-kyou... May I please have a moment of your time?｣ Without even the courtesy of introducing himself, the man told us his business directly and gave us a cold stare as we were having dinner. Darkness put on a displeased look and stabbed her fork into a piece of greens. ｢If you’re calling me Dustiness-kyou, I take it you’re some noble’s envoy. ...I suppose I should at least hear to what you have to say. What is it?｣ At Darkness’ angry words, the man muttered ‘no’ softly. ｢You have been summoned by my master, Alexei Barnes Aldarp-sama. A carriage is waiting outside to take you to a more suitable place than... this. My master will explain in detail at his estate. Please, come with me.｣ 28 The man who had the nerve to belittle someone else’s prized mansion gestured towards the door without a hint of humility. His attitude made Darkness grip so tightly on her fork it began to creak and bend. I was worried that the quick-tempered ojousama might start shouting out threats or lunge at him, but Darkness just left the bent fork on the table. ｢...I’ll be leaving for a bit. If I take too long coming back, just lock the front door. ...I’ll see you later,｣ she said, before leaving with that man, leaving us, who couldn’t really keep up with the sudden development, behind. ｢...Who was that man?｣ ｢He said something about Aldarp. That’s that old lord guy, right? I don’t really get what’s going on, but we aren’t about to get dragged into more trouble, are we?｣ Our expressions clouded, as we silently thought and hoped that this wouldn’t lead into another weird scenario. ｢Well if Darkness is going out, I’m having her leftover hamburg steak. Say, Megumin, could you feed me today? Kazuma really sucks at it. Yesterday he tried to make drink my stew by putting the spoon up my nose.｣ Except for the one person who wasn’t keeping up and refused to take her hands off her egg.

—The next morning. ｢You’re not shedding any fur even though it’s summer, huh. You’re still not very cat- like, are you? ...Say, what would I have to do to get you back into your true form? You’re one of those, aren’t you? The kitten thing is just a disguise, right? You’re actually a cute catgirl who ends her sentences with ‘nya’, aren’t you?｣ As I sat cross-legged under the warm sunlight coming through the living room window, riding Chomusuke on my lap and brushing her fur, I asked her the same question I had been asking for a while. I’ve had a few previous attempts at trying to talk to this thing, but I haven’t gotten anything like an answer yet. Sometimes it looks as though she understands human language, but she isn’t showing her true colours yet. I know all too well by now that this is no ordinary cat. Going by manga logic, I’ll bet she transforms into a cute girl... ｢You know, like I’ve said before, I don’t mind cute monster girls, and I won’t freak out no matter what you’re actually like, okay? If you crawl into my futon on a cold day and in the morning I wake up with a cute girl sleeping next to me, I won’t panic or throw a fit or anything like that. And of course, you can keep living in this mansion no matter what you are, so you don’t have to worry about that. In fact, I’ll even grill you some tasty fish to eat every day.｣ Hearing the word ‘fish’, Chomusuke, who was enjoying her brushing, twitched her nose and looked up at me.

29 ｢Oh, that got your attention, you greedy little thing. All right, listen reeeeaaal close, Chomusuke. If you take human form, your body will obviously get bigger, and you’ll be able to eat lots and lots of fish. You understand?｣ ｢Nyaaan.｣ Chomusuke meowed once in reply, purred and rubbed the back of her neck against my hand holding the brush, as if asking to be brushed more. ｢All right, all right. Man, you really are adorable. If you really do have a human form you better stay that way, all right? Don’t you turn into a joke love interest like the others, you hear me? If you keep being a good girl, I’ll let you have all the chicken you could ask for soon,｣ I said as I started brushing her again, when the front door suddenly opened.

｢Kazuma! Let’s go hunt a bounty monster!!｣

The joke love interest who hadn’t come home since she left last night and had us worried comes back first thing in the morning and before you know it she’s already being stupid. ｢...You spend the night away from home and now suddenly this? I don’t know who you’re fooling around with, but remember that you’re still an unmarried noble girl, so keep the debauchery in check, will you?｣ ｢You fool! That isn’t what this is! I didn’t want to bother you by coming back in the middle of the night so I went to my parents’ house! But nevermind that!!｣ Finally having come back to us, Darkness shoved a piece of paper in my face as I sat on the carpet. ｢Here, just look at this!｣ ｢...Bounty monster: «Kowloon’s Hydra»? ...What’s with this Yamata no Orochi1- looking monster?｣ The paper Darkness showed me had a drawing of this Kowloon’s Hydra bounty monster along with a detailed explanation of its behaviour and traits. Darkness tilted her head and asked ‘Yamata no Orochi?’ as I begrudgingly took the paper. ｢Kowloon’s Hydra. It’s a large bounty monster which lives on a mountain near Axel and is usually in a deep slumber. When it uses up the mana it stores inside its body it will lie dormant at the bottom of a lake and start absorbing mana from the land around it. It takes about ten years of hibernation for the massive hydra to replenish its mana supply. And now it has been nearly ten years since the last time it fell asleep.｣ So that means that thing is due to wake up? Looking at the description on this paper, it could all be summed up with one word: ‘huge’.

1 A mythical 8-headed dragon from Japanese folklore. 30 The thing is about the size of a house. That’s pretty scary. From its name and the way it looks, it makes me think of the last boss in a videogame. ｢I know it’s early morning, but you shouldn’t be talking about hunting this thing even in your sleep. Anyway, what was with that steward guy from last night? Megumin was worried, you know. She was worried that you’d be so naïve that some noble would lure you somewhere and do nasty things to you.｣ ｢Last night was...! W-What happened last night has nothing to do with you. It’s just some noble politics. You should keep out of it unless you want to get involved. But that aside, where is Megumin? I’m sure she’d be really excited if she heard about this!｣ ｢Megumin went out with Aqua. Said they were going to buy a cool collar for the soon-to-be dragon.｣ ｢...Aqua asked me to help her build a kennel once the dragon hatches too, but that egg, I mean, it’s clearly...｣ Darkness looked conflicted, and seemed reluctant to say it. ｢Yeah I’m pretty sure it’s a chicken egg. ...Anyway, I’m not going on any hunts for that thing. If you really want to go take Megumin and Aqua and the three of you can do it. I don’t care if you start begging and crying and throwing a tantrum like you always do, I’m not going and that’s final.｣ ｢When have I ever done that!? ...You see, the other day I heard word that something was wrong at the lake. They say weeds started sprouting from the barren land around it. This means the hydra no longer needs to siphon mana from the earth. It’s a sign of its awakening.｣ After pausing for a moment, Darkness raised her voice in a practiced manner. ｢...Listen, Kazuma! Our party is the one that defeated generals of the Demon King! No one but us has a hope of saving this town! Can you even call yourself one of this town’s adventurers if you won’t lift a finger to protect this place? ...Hero who has slain many generals of the Demon King, Satou Kazuma! Now is your time!!｣ With glimmering eyes, Darkness clenched her fists and shouted, and I snorted at her. ｢Do you really think I’m stupid enough to go running out the door just because you call me a hero or something? You should know me a bit better than that after how long we’ve known each other. Can’t you bait me with something that will actually make me give a damn? And let me just say I don’t care about money. Don’t have to worry about that anymore. Come on, you’ve got lots more options, don’t you?｣ At my words, Darkness hung her head for a while. Eventually, blushing slightly, she clenched her fists and said: ｢...I-I understand... If we manage to defeat the Kowloon’s Hydra, if it’ll make you happy, as a reward I’ll... um... give you a k-kiss on the cheek...｣ ｢How stupid are you? I’m not a kid, you know. And who would risk their lives for a kiss these days?｣ 31 ｢!?｣ Darkness must have had to muster up a lot of courage to make that proposal, but she probably didn’t expect me to turn it down so bluntly as she stiffened up in shock. ｢I mean, really, what pisses me off the most is that you think a single kiss is worth that much. Do you really think you’re worth all that? Don’t you think you might be getting ahead of yourself after getting pampered by those nobles in the royal capital?｣ ｢Y-Y-You...!｣ As Darkness shuddered, I picked Chomusuke up from my lap and looked into her face. ｢Oi Chomusuke. You see this lady here? She really thinks a guy would put his life on the line for a single kiss from her. Pretty narcissistic, right? Oh dear, if only she had some kind of other angle to approach me from, eh?｣ ｢Nyaaan,｣ Chomusuke meowed in reply. ｢Oh, that’s right, that’s right, I was thinking the same thing. You’re absolutely right, she could do all sorts of other things, couldn’t she?｣ ｢I’m not just going to let you run your mouth, you bastard! Put the cat down, I’m going to murder you!｣ Darkness’ eyes went bloodshot and her fists tightened, but I was feeling confident as enjoyed the feeling of Chomusuke’s soft fur. ｢Oh? What’s this now? Trying to get your way with brute force again? She who knows little often repeats it, huh. I have the «Bind» skill now. If I use it I can have you wrapped up tight in no time. Or do you actually want to experience tickle hell again? If that’s what you’re after, then bring it!｣ I smiled boldly, but for some reason Darkness blushed slightly. ｢...Bind, huh. I guess you have mastered that skill by now, haven’t you. V-Very well. I will take you on. If you can immobilize me you can do whatever you want to me just like the other day, but know that merely being bound and toyed with is not enough to break my spirit!｣ ｢Why do you sound a bit happy about that!? Besides, why should I even go? The only one who needs to come along is Megumin; take her. All it takes is for her to see the thing and she’ll kill it in one hit with her magic. If that doesn’t work you can just run away, and aren’t Hydras a type of dragon? It’s probably covered in tough scales, so what could a featherweight like me even...｣ That was as far as I got. She didn’t get mad, or come swinging at me. Darkness just looked dejected and suddenly went quiet, making me trail off. ...Does she want us to defeat this bounty that badly?

32 ｢W-Will you not do it... no matter what?｣ Darkness kneeled in front of me and looked at me with upturned eyes.

...The puppy dog eyes; she’s gotten better at this, hasn’t she!

7 —After about half a day’s walking south of Axel, a small mountain came into view. We had travelled to the base of that mountain, and in front of us a murky green lake stretched out. ｢Hey, that reminds me. Let’s assume for a second that we somehow don’t actually kill this hydra; then what? If we attack it, worst case scenario, wouldn’t this otherwise docile monster just get really pissed off?｣ ｢NOOOOOO! NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!｣ In response to my question, Darkness said: ｢That won’t be a problem. Up until now the Kowloon’s Hydra has been dealt with by surrounding it with a large army and causing it to use up its mana as it struggles, forcing it to exhaust itself and fall back into its slumber. Naturally, considering this time of the cycle, the royal capital should be sending an order of knights over soon.｣ ｢I don’t want to fight no hydraaaaaa! Why is Darkness even going after some stupid bounty? Are you really a broke noble, just like Kazuma says sometimes? If we go home I’ll smash my piggy bank I’ve been saving up money in and lend you some, so just put up with thaaaaat!｣ Right, so even if we fail, we have the knights as a backup. ｢But the hydra woke up earlier than the knights are expected to arrive, and even if they can put it back to sleep, they still can’t finish it off for good. So in order to settle things once and for all, they call on someone who has killed lots of powerful enemies like me, right?｣ ｢Let me go home! Come on, please, I wanna go home! I have a bad feeling about this!｣ If the knights got here we could join them and defeat the hydra together, so why is Darkness in such a hurry to kill it? Then, the very enthusiastic Megumin took off her eyepatch and laughed. ｢Fuhahahahaha, just leave everything to me! Hydras may only be a lesser species, but they are still dragons; if I defeat this one I will be able to proudly bear the name of Dragon Slayer! I have long yearned for the title of Dragon Slayer, but even though I have already exploded a wyvern, another subspecies of dragon, it did not count as a monster I have slain probably because it was a whelp. But this time I shall claim the title of «Dragon Slayer»!!｣ ｢Why do you want such a violent title when you’re going to be living with a dragon pet once Emperor Zel is born!? Come on, Megumin, let’s stop this! I don’t think Emperor Zel would be comfortable with you being called a Dragon Slayer! Please, let me go hoooommeeeee!｣ 33 Giving a nod to Megumin’s reassuring words, I once again turned my eyes towards the centre of the lake. ｢All right, well, first...｣ ｢I have to go back and watch Emperor Zel be born! Waaaaaaaaaaaaaah!!｣ ｢Enough with the whining! Chicks take like at least twenty days or so to hatch so you’ve got plenty of time! And give up on begging to go home already! If you leave how are we supposed to wake the hydra up!?｣ Finally losing the last of my patience, I snapped at Aqua who had been screaming for some time. ｢Why would a chick come out of a dragon egg!? And besides, why should I have to leave my beloved Emperor Zel in a place like that!?｣ At this time, the egg Aqua bought was left in the custody of Wiz’s shop. ｢Who else could you have dumped your stupid job of hatching that egg on? I think if you asked the adventurers we know, odds are they’d just eat it.｣ Though, even Wiz gulped when we left the egg with her so I’m a little concerned about that. ｢But, but, I’m worried that if I leave the egg to a Lich and a Demon, they’re going to have some weird influence on Emperor Zel! Listen, the longer dragon eggs spend in their mother’s embrace, the more magic they absorb and draw in the parents’ attributes from it! I want the baby to be born as a holy White Dragon! I don’t want some evil power to influence it and come out as a Black Dragon!｣ ｢All that’s going to hatch is a black coloured chick2. If you’re that worried then let’s just hurry and kill the hydra so we can go home. If Megumin’s magic doesn’t work, it’s not like we have any other options. If that happens, we’ll just run away.｣ As Aqua finally accepted my reasoning and quieted down, Darkness unsheathed her greatsword. ｢All right, is everyone ready? Aqua, let’s begin!｣ Our battle plan is as simple as it gets. Aquatic monsters can’t stand pure water. That’s where Aqua’s bizarre, otherwise useless trait comes into play. ｢Oh, fine. I won’t complain if all I have to do is purify some water. Alright, I’ll be right back! If Megumin’s magic doesn’t work, we’ll start running right away, okay!?｣ Not a second after she finished talking, Aqua unhesitatingly plunged into the muddy water. She then continued on swimming, scooping up water and splashing it wildly all around her.

2 Referencing a practice where chicks are dyed various vibrant colors, and sold as pets to children during festivals. It seems to have appeared in the Showa era in Japan but is very rare these days. 34 Watching from a distance, Megumin muttered: ｢...She is purifying it, right? She is not just enjoying a swim on this hot day, is she?｣ From a distance it really did look like some autistic girl playing in the water by herself, but I’m sure that’s just a necessary part of the purification process. As we stood watching, Aqua must’ve gotten bored of having to purify the massive lake as she closed her eyes and began drifting lazily on the surface of the water. ｢...Oi, Kazuma, Aqua just started napping right above where the bounty monster is sleeping. Is that really okay? Actually, I’ve been thinking about this for a while, but how come Aqua is able to purify water just by touching it instead of having to recite or gesture a magic spell?｣ ｢I am quite curious about that as well. I assumed it was one of her tricks so I never probed into it.｣ ｢It’s because she’s a goddess of water, according to her.｣ I figured I might as well try, but as expected the two didn’t seem to believe it at all and just hummed away the explanation. As that was going on, the goddess of water in front of us was being blown by the wind closer and closer to the middle of the lake. It’s a bit late now to suggest she should’ve tied something around her to keep from being swept away. Right as the three of us were being relieved of our tension by the surreal image and began yawning, it happened. As small ripples began running along the water’s surface, the drowsy Megumin’s eyes opened wide. ｢Is that...! It is here, it is here! I can feel the amazing magic power! It is coming from the bottom of the lake!｣ Along with Megumin’s nervous voice, a massive silhouette appeared right under where sleepy Aqua was. Something tremendously huge is rising to the surface. ｢Aquaaaa! Rise and shine, time to wake up! It’s coming from below you! Megumin can’t cast her spell with you floating there!｣ At my jeering, Aqua woke up, nimbly stood up on top of the water, yawned calmly and began looking around. Eventually she must’ve realized what was happening and began swimming rapidly towards us. ｢Oi, this is even bigger that what I was told! They said it was as big as a house, but that thing’s even bigger than the mansion we live in, isn’t it!?｣ Darkness and Megumin’s faces stiffened as the gigantic shadow covered the lake. When I heard it was the size of the house, I figured Megumin’s magic might work. But if it’s this big, I don’t think a single blast can destroy its entire body.

35 ｢K-Kazuma-saaaan, Kazuma-saaaan! Something really big is coming after meeee!｣ The massive silhouette finally became distinct, and eight heads were clearly visible under the water. All eight were pointed at Aqua, and gradually rising up...! ｢Here it comes! Megumin, ready with the magic! Darkness, get ready to guard Megumin just in case! I’ll fall back and secure a path to retreat!｣ ｢Leave it to me! But there aren’t any other monsters around so there’s nothing to secure!!｣ ｢I-I-I-It may be just slightly larger than what I anticipated, b-b-but it will only take one blow from my mighty explosion magic! I shall destroy this entire lake’s ecosystem!｣ ｢Whatever, just do something, anything, noooooow!｣ While we were busy panicking, it nevertheless revealed itself. Aah... After all the success I’ve enjoyed recently, it seems I underestimated bounty monsters. Eight snake-like heads rose dripping out of the water.

｢—! ———!｣

The hydra’s indescribable howl sent a tingling shudder through the air. Half of its back broke the surface of the water like a small island. As I stared up thunderstruck at the serpent heads rising high into the air, I muttered:

｢Well this is some bullshit.｣

36 Chapter 2: Eternal Slumber for the Master of this Lake!

1 ｢Ooh, Kazuma. How pathetic, getting killed off like that!｣3

It was the familiar white room. When I suddenly opened my eyes, I saw Eris, cheerily staring back at me. She might be more of a joker than I thought. How does she even know about all this stuff from Japan? ｢...You’re in a good mood, Eris-sama.｣ ｢I’m sorry. It’s just that I’ve always wanted to try saying that famous line.｣ Eris closed her eyes and smiled as she said that, very mischievously. Seeing the Goddess boasting such a truly divine beauty having such an adorable reaction is enough to make me flustered. The true, bona-fide Goddess scratched awkwardly at the scar on her cheek: ｢Still, Kazuma-san, you aren’t even fazed by coming here anymore, are you. ...Let’s see, everyone else is fine. Right now they’re somewhere safe, far from the hydra. Darkness willingly let herself be swallowed by the hydra and managed to somehow retrieve your body.｣ That’s what I’d expect from a competent Goddess. She told me my comrades were safe before I even had to ask. ｢Getting herself swallowed... She’s pretty damn careless too.｣ Back then, we somehow managed to get Aqua away from the hydra chasing her and Megumin set off her explosion magic. ...That was when things stopped going well. ｢I mean, seriously, what was that? That’s cheating if I ever saw it. How is anyone supposed to stand a chance if the heads grow back?｣ I unwittingly grumbled to Eris. Yes, things were going great up until it took the explosion magic. However, even after losing a few heads, the hydra would use magic to start growing them back and revive itself. Eventually it was up and moving again as if nothing even happened. And then... ｢What happened to my body after it got eaten by the hydra? I’m just asking in case the damage was too bad and I can’t go back...｣

3 Reference to a recurring line said on the player’s death in the early Dragon Quest games. 37 It swallowed me whole. ｢Um... I-It’s okay! You can be resurrected, no problem!! I’m sure they can do something about that missing 30%!｣ I wish I hadn’t asked. ｢...N-U-Um...!｣ As I stood somewhat depressed, Eris looked at me timidly. ｢When you go back, please don’t be too mad at Darkness, okay? I know she was the one who forced you into this reckless hunt, but... She... had a good reason for it, so... She feels guilty about the fact that you died and is quite shocked. Though, I’m sure you are the most shocked about dying, Kazuma-san...｣ Eris tried to console me, frowning with concern...

38 39 ...... She’s so nice... Do I even have someone like her around me? Wiz? Yunyun? No, they’re kind too, but Eris-sama gives off a kind of warm, reassuring feeling that seems to come from the bottom of her heart. ｢You don’t have to worry, I won’t get mad at her. ...That aside, Eris-sama, you said you sometimes sneak down to the surface world to go around having fun in all sorts of places, didn’t you? Wouldn’t you like to come hang out in Axel sometime? It’s kind of sad not being able to see you unless I die...｣ At my words, Eris snickered. ｢We’ve already seen each other plenty of times down there. You could have figured it out by now, you know? I’m a little disappointed,｣ she said, teasingly...

...Eh.

｢What did you say just now? We’ve met? Eh- Uh, was that in Axel? Eh? Eh!?｣ I’m having a bit of a hard time wrapping my brain around that one. We’ve met plenty of times? When and where? Uhh, were there any likely candidates? Seeing me thrown into a panic, she snickered playfully: ｢All right then, I’ll give you a hint. On the surface, I take on a different appearance. I also use a different, more lively tone.｣ A different appearance. A different, more lively tone...! ｢Also, even though I am a goddess, unlike senpai I don’t go as an Archpriest in the mortal-...｣ ｢Aah, I’ve got it! The one Keith went like «I guess it’s true what they say about Eris followers’ boobs getting smaller with their piety. Uhyaaahyahya!» to until he got his nose broken by her! Maris-san!｣ I shouted out confidently, interrupting her hint. Eris continued smiling. ｢...Wrong.｣ Huh-. Aah, then it’s gotta be her! ｢The one who was with Darkness when Dust came up and said «I heard the goddess Eris pads her chest, so wouldn’t Eris followers with big tits get expelled from the church? I mean, are those even real? You two ladies wouldn’t pad your busts, would yooouuu!? Well in that case why don’t you prove it by letting me have a look!» until they beat him senseless; Seris-san!｣

40 ｢Wrong.｣ Eris continued to smile, but I got the feeling she was getting a bit cross. If she’s neither Maris-san nor Seris-san, then...? Then, as I was fretting over it; «Kazumaaaa! Kazumaaaa! Resurrection’s done so hurry on baaaack! Darkness is super sad for some reason, and she stinks! Hurry baack, hurry baack!» I heard the ever-incapable of reading the mood Aqua’s voice. I’m curious about Darkness being depressed, but there are more important matters right now. ｢Eris-sama, I fold! I give up, I’m sorry! Please tell me the answer, I’m begging you! If I don’t find out I might end up doing something rude to you without knowing and I’ll get some divine punishment!｣ In the end I wasn’t able to think of anyone, and Eris; She looked somewhat conflicted... ｢...It’s too late to start thinking about that now... After what you did the first time we met...｣ ｢Eh-?｣ ｢Nevermind. My identity is a secret.｣ Eris said, as she brought her finger to her lips. ｢...Also, please don’t believe everything senpai says, okay? I’m not wearing pads, a- at least not right now!｣ Eris said with a slight blush, as she snapped her fingers. In front of me appeared the familiar white gate. Seeing it, I panicked. She still hasn’t told me who she is! But despite my panic, the white gate opened and a dazzling light shone from within...! ｢Wai- Eris-sama, I’m sorry! I didn’t make you mad, did I? You aren’t sulking now, are you? No, really, I’m not hung up about breast size or anything like-｣ ｢Now then, Satou Kazuma-san! May you know my true identity by the next time we meet, even if that should be at the end of a long and honest life! Until next time! Please, go and be well!｣ With a blushing face, Eris cut me off partway. Then, possibly because of her beet-red face, I noticed a faint white mark on her right cheek. ｢Huh? Eris-sama, you have something on your-...｣ Cheek, is what I didn’t get to say. Because before I could have a chance to, Eris shoved me from behind into the white gate, leaving no more room for chatter.

41 2 ｢Welcome back, Kazuma-san.｣ When I opened my eyes, I saw Aqua, pinching her nose. ｢Bwah! That stiiiiiinks!｣ As a hideous odour hit my nose, I instinctively jumped up. This bitter, visceral smell is... ｢Is it me!? Is this stench coming from me!?｣ It seems like getting eaten and being in the stomach of a hydra for a while is what left the foul odour on my body. ...Then I suddenly noticed something. Nobody was meeting my gaze. ...Because of that, I noticed something else. Namely the fact that I was stark naked. ｢Did... my clothes melt...?｣ ｢They did. Cover yourself up already. I mean, you got digested to where for a while I thought Kazuma-san was going to become Kazuma-chan. Even your armour completely melted away; all that was left was that sword with the weird name, probably because it was in its scabbard.｣ ｢Oya, I cannot overlook you calling the name I gave that sword ‘weird’!｣ Leaving Aqua, who was getting confronted by Megumin, aside, I took my surviving sword in my hand. ｢...So, what are you so down in the dumps for?｣ I called out to Darkness, who was squatting with her arms around her knees further away, giving off the same stench I did. Darkness twitched when she heard me, and looked up with an apologetic face. ｢Aren’t you mad at me, after I forced you into this fight?｣ ｢Why would I be mad? Sure you were being stubborn about wanting to fight that thing, but this is far from the first time we’ve had to fight bigshot bounty monsters or generals of the Demon King; or that I’ve died for that matter.｣ ｢Even so...｣ Darkness was awfully meek, and seemed somehow remorseful. ｢Come on, this isn’t like you. Eris-sama told me, you know? About how you got yourself swallowed by the hydra in order to save me. And now that I look, you’re got blood all over you too. Are you okay? You don’t look very digested, at least.｣ Darkness gave me a quick glance. ｢...This blood is all from when I cut myself out of the hydra’s belly, after I retrieved you. I would have choked to death and followed right after you if I had been there for any longer... But I’m fine now, I have no other injuries.｣

42 At the gloomy Darkness: ｢You really helped me by retrieving my body, thank you. Come on, let’s go home and into a bath, all right?｣ I said, with an unconcerned smile. ｢Hey, Kazuma. I’m all for cheering Darkness up and everything, but I don’t know about inviting her to take a bath when you look like that.｣ Oh right, I’m naked. 3 ｢—Still, now I get why the knights don’t just kill the hydra off for good. It’s not that they won’t, it’s that they can’t.｣ On the way back to Axel. Dragging the still somewhat despondent Darkness along, we were recounting the battle from earlier. ｢It seems that Kowloon’s Hydra uses magical power to regrow its slain heads. In order to put it down, one would need to either deliver such a devastatingly powerful attack that its regeneration ability could not keep up, or continue to harm it until it depletes its mana and deliver a fatal blow then. I cannot see either being feasible, though...｣ I could understand why Megumin didn’t think it would be possible. That hydra isn’t stupid. If it continued to take damage and was at risk of running out of mana, it would probably retreat back to the bottom of the lake to resupply. On the other hand, what firepower greater than explosion magic could you bring? I turned to Darkness, who was plodding along at the rear. ｢Megumin is right, we never stood a chance to begin with. Let’s leave the hydra for the knights to tire out and put back to sleep. You’re okay with that, right, Darkness?｣ ｢...Mm.｣ All she gave back was a half-hearted reply. ...Did she really want to take down that bounty that badly? Then, putting on a smug face and puffing up her chest for some reason, Aqua said: ｢Well, it’s not all bad, you know? Thanks to me, that hydra won’t be coming out of that lake anytime soon! Now that I’ve purified a part of it, it will think its territory has been invaded and will be busy polluting it again with its miasma. That’ll give those knight guys enough time to show up, and then we can just make them do all the hard work.｣ ｢...Hey, what’s gotten into you all of a sudden? You’ve actually been useful for once. And pretty clever, even.｣

43 As the two of us were celebrating, from up on Aqua’s back: ｢Whenever Aqua gets full of herself, there is always a catch,｣ Megumin muttered something bound to trigger a flag. Usually I would be the one carrying Megumin, but she complained about my stench and the job fell to Aqua this time. ｢Nah, nah, this time it’s got to be different. And even if something does happen it wouldn’t be our fault. In fact, all we did was buy time for the knights.｣ ｢Yeah, do you have some kind of problem with my efforts!? Honestly, I just can’t believe you, Megumin! If you’re going to be rude, you can go ahead and ride on Kazuma or Darkness instead.｣ ｢I will apologise so please spare me that, please!｣

—After that, we arrived back in town without much trouble. ｢Megumin and I are going to go to the Guild to report, so you two stinkers go and take a bath. Kazuma looks like he could get arrested!｣ Aqua said to me and Darkness, so we decided to go on ahead to the mansion. At present, I’ve borrowed Megumin’s cape to cover myself up, but I’m not eager to become known as ‘that smelly cape guy’. ｢Let’s go, Megumin. Remember to lay it on thick as much as you can about how hard we worked! They might not give us the bounty, but we might still get some kind of reward!｣ ｢Please just leave it to me. I could boast for days about how amazing my explosion magic is!｣ I left those two with the responsibility, as well as a lot of my concern, and went back home to the mansion with Darkness. 4 After returning to the mansion and letting the despondent Darkness take a bath first, I was washing myself thoroughly until the smell completely went away. ｢Man, habit is a scary thing. I just died and I’m not even that shocked by it.｣ As I sat submerged in the bathtub mumbling to myself, I took another look at the body that I had lost about 30% of. If Aqua is to be believed I had become Kazuma-chan for a while, but it is back to the proper size, isn’t it? I spent a good while in the bath, examining the parts I had temporarily lost very carefully. ｢...Kazuma, you’re taking even longer than usual today. Are you hurt anywhere? Or are you feeling weak after having just come back to life?｣ I heard Darkness’ concerned voice coming from the changing room. ｢I-I’m fine, everything’s fine! It’s just, that smell lingers, you know? I’m just making sure to wash every nook and cranny!｣

44 Since Darkness was so worried about me despite feeling so depressed, I couldn’t bring myself to tell her I was painstakingly checking for any signs of shrinkage. But, even after hearing that, Darkness didn’t leave. She stood there for a long time, as if she had something she wanted to say. ｢...Hey, Kazuma. I... I’m sorry for asking you to do something so reckless. Things were going so well recently, and I got impatient. I just... wanted to defeat that hydra no matter what...｣ Darkness said bitterly from the dressing room. ｢Well, it’s not like we’ll be running into that thing again, so it’s all water under the bridge. Anyway, those two sure are taking their time coming home. I’ll bet they’ve gotten themselves something good to eat at the Guild. We should get going too.｣ ｢...Nn. Yes... You’re right...｣ Darkness replied, with an unusually miserable voice. ...Does she have some kind of history with that hydra? Or maybe that asshole servant who came by yesterday put her up to it? ｢Well, I’ve brought you a change of clothes; I’ll leave them right here. I’ll wait for you in the living room...｣ Darkness said, and just as she was about to leave: ｢Hey, is there something you’re not telling us about why you have to kill that hydra?｣ ｢!? T-That’s...｣ That’s a yes then. Darkness went quiet, and I struggled to think about what I should say for a moment. Normally, the last thing I’d want is a rematch against an enemy who killed me the first time. But, the ojousama being so depressed makes it obvious that that’s what she wants to suggest, but can’t bring herself to. ｢...Today didn’t work out, but the next time we take on that hydra, we’ll go prepared and with a good plan.｣ ｢Eh-!?｣ As Darkness gasped in surprise, I said, mockingly: ｢Or had you already given up on killing it, after all you talked down to me about the safety of the people?｣ ｢Don’t be foolish! Who do you think I am!? To defend the people is the Dustiness family’s foremost duty! Next time, I will cut that hydra to pieces!!｣ That familiar threatening line seemed to bring back a bit of the Darkness I knew.

—After disposing of our pungent odour in the bath, we arrived in front of the Adventurers’ Guild. Aqua and Megumin must have finished their report by now. I opened the door to the Guild, and...

45 ｢Why do you always, always have to do things nobody asked you to!?｣ ｢You said it! Just the other day Aqua-san turned the water at the fish market into fresh water and killed all the sea fish!｣ ｢B-But, I’m just doing what I think is best! Even with the fish market, I felt sorry for all the fish having to be crammed into that tiny tank, so I just wanted to at least give them clean water to live in!!｣ ｢What are going to do about this!? What can any of us do about that Kowloon’s Hydra monster!?｣ ｢I-I wanna go home, mommyyyy!｣ ｢Send out more wanted posters, get more out there! We need every adventurer in town to see them!｣ Inside was pandemonium. Adventurers and Guild employees were screaming, and in the middle of the ruckus Aqua was in tears after being chewed out. ｢Ah! Kazuma, Darkness, perfect timing! Please do something about this!!｣ Megumin spotted us and made her way over through the chaos in the Guild. ｢What the hell is even going on? Why is everyone panicking? They’re all mad at Aqua, but I thought we actually did good for once.｣ ｢I-I thought so too! The hydra was going to wake up sooner or later even if we had not done anything so there should not be so much panic, but...｣ Megumin couldn’t keep her composure against all the adversity, but Darkness grabbed hold of a nearby Guild employee lady. ｢Oi, what happened here? Our hunt may have been a failure, but there shouldn’t be this much of a commotion. With the knights on their way, there was no need to succeed from the start, was there?｣ ｢A-About that, you see, a major incident occurred in the royal capital at the worst time... The knights are all busy dealing with that and have no resources to spend on helping us...｣ A major incident in the royal capital!? ｢Oi, what happened!? There’s trouble in the capital!? Is my adorable little sister in danger!?｣ ｢S-Sister? No, it apparently happened some while ago, and was more or less resolved without much issue. The knights are now supressing the panic and hunting for the culprit who threw the royal capital into disarray in the first place...｣ Hearing the employee’s words, I felt relieved for a moment. I was considering running all the way to the royal capital for a second. ｢They say a band of thieves calling themselves the Silver-haired Bandits broke into the royal palace of all places...｣ Hearing that, both Darkness and I did a spit take.

46 Taking no notice of our reaction, however, the employee took out a piece of paper. ｢Apparently just two thieves managed to beat back the knights and experienced adventurers, and in the end they even shamelessly made off with several treasures from inside the palace...｣ she said, as she showed us the paper in her hand. It was a wanted poster for the «Silver-haired Bandit gang». On it were sketches of a shady-looking man wearing a mask and a silver-haired young boy. The bounty on their heads was two hundred million Eris. Christ, that’s even more than what you get for a general of the Demon King... ｢Two hundred million Eris... Two hundred million...｣ ｢O-Oi Darkness, what are you looking at me like that for!?｣ Even though she never showed interest in money before, Darkness took the poster in her hand and looked at me with bloodshot eyes for some reason. Seeing us, the employee tilted her head. ｢Well, because of that, we have no idea when the knights who were supposed to be sent here are going to arrive.｣ Oh god, so basically it’s my fault. Not entirely sure if she was aware of my conflict or not: ｢However, we still have a hope. Knights went all the way to the Crimson Magic village to ask their powerful seer to find the culprit... And apparently the mastermind behind the troubles in the royal capital is actually here in Axel! So now the adventurers are in a frenzy to find the criminal!!｣ I started sweating bullets. ｢So, we have high hopes for you, Satou Kazuma-san and party. After all, you see to have a knack when it comes to bounties! If you catch the culprit, that will be a relief for the knight corps and they will be able to lend us their help!｣ ｢Uh-huh?｣ After I gave a shaky reply, Darkness elbowed me from the side, as if telling me to act calmer. ｢Well, it’s only a matter of time until the culprit gets found out. After all, there is an even more skilled seer than the one in the Crimson Magic village right here in town!｣ She must be talking about guy with a mask like the one in this poster. I get it. That’s bad news. That money-hungry demon wouldn’t hesitate for a moment to stab his business partner in the back for the Guild’s reward. Next to me, Darkness trembled and her face was frozen stiff. The employee clenched her fists keenly. ｢So, we hope to have your assistance, Satou-san!｣ she said, all a smile.

—Naturally, I shut myself in.

47 5 ｢♪One~ day~, in the~ forest~, I met~ a dragon~ ♪｣ Aqua sang as she sat with her feet up on the sofa by the window, watching the rain gently drizzling outside. As always, she held her egg tightly and showered a warm light upon it from her palm. According to Aqua, singing to the egg was a form of pre-natal care. Presently, in the living room, Aqua’s singing voice was being drowned out by Megumin’s raving. ｢Kazuma, it is time for revenge! We must get our revenge on that hydra!｣ she said to me between rough breaths, as I sat cross-legged on the carpet, brushing Chomusuke in my lap. It’s been three days since I’ve fled from the Adventurers’ Guild. Ever since I found out there’s a price on my head, I’ve been secluding myself in the mansion, staying near Aqua in order to guard myself from Vanir’s prophetic abilities. That money-grubbing demon can’t see through people if they’re near Aqua. Luckily for me, Aqua was conveniently also confined to the mansion in order to devote herself to her egg-hatching duties. Probably frustrated by having to live the shut-in life, Megumin was urging for revenge like she had done every day. ｢Okay, so do you have any brilliant ideas about how we could kill that monster? I’ve actually been thinking about it a lot, you know? And I still can’t come up with a good plan.｣ At my words, Megumin gripped her staff and clenched her teeth. ｢Firepower! We need even more firepower! If one explosion magic blast is not enough to down it, then we simply need to keep blasting it with explosion magic until there is nothing left! Just like with the battle against the Mobile Fortress Destroyer, with Aqua’s mana and your Drain touch, we could do it!｣ At Megumin’s ardent speech, Aqua interrupted her song. ｢No way. Why should I have to have some filthy lich skill like Drain Touch used on me? I am done with that. I don’t care if Kazuma threatens me, or if Darkness tries to sweet-talk me, or if Megumin goes nuts or whatever; I won’t do it. My holy magical power isn’t something I can just give away willy-nilly to anyone.｣ As I brushed Chomusuke’s tail gently: ｢And what exactly have you been doing with that oh-so-holy mana of yours? You know you don’t have to be so fussy over some egg. You could probably just leave it in front of the fireplace to warm up. And if it gets too warm then we can just have it as a side-dish for our rice.｣ ｢Listen, you, if I hear that stuff about side-dishes one more time you’re going to eat a holy fist. ...This is a dragon egg, so I’m giving it magical energy. Dragons are made up almost entirely of magic, so the more mana they have the stronger they become.

48 This will be the dragon to rule all dragons. As a foster parent, I want to do everything I can for it.｣ ...She keeps insisting that it’s a dragon egg, so I won’t bother with her anymore. ｢Anyway, why are you so hung up on getting your revenge, Megumin? I know Darkness has some weird fixation on that hydra, but I didn’t think you’d be involved in whatever destiny is going on there.｣ ｢Well, you know, I have my own grudge to bear too. It was the one who killed you, after all. Of course I would want to avenge you.｣ ｢O-Oh... I-I see...｣ When she puts it that way I feel kind of bad... ｢Lately I have been going to the hydra with Darkness every day. She would use her taunt skill to call it out and I would cast explosion magic before we both ran away in order to harass it... Though we have not found any more useful strategies.｣ ｢So that’s why I haven’t been hearing the usual background noise from outside town! It doesn’t look like it’s going to head for town so far, so don’t go giving it incentive to! And what the hell do you think you’re doing, Darkness? You’re the one who’s supposed to put a stop to this kind of thing!｣ ｢U-Umu... But, I still want to slay that hydra no matter what... And this does help chip away at its mana...｣ Darkness mumbled softly as she did maintenance on her amour on the carpet. It really seems as though she wants to kill that hydra with her own two hands no matter what. Not that it’s any of my business to ask what her reasons are though... ｢In any case, unless this rain stops it’s only going to be one more thing going against us. Since it’s an aquatic creature, if anything fighting under the rain is going to be an advantage for it. We can have a serious go at it once the rain stops.｣ My real motivation being to continue hiding away until the heat dies down. ｢This is the rainy season, you know? According to the weather forecasters, this rain is going to go on for some while.｣ ｢...We’ll go once the rain stops.｣ ｢Unbelievable! You have no desire to do it at all, do you!?｣ ｢Ah- What are you doing- stop! Don’t take your anger out on Chomusuke!｣ Leaving Megumin, who had grabbed my beloved Chomusuke’s tail and was trying to get in the way of my brushing, aside; Darkness alone wore a sombre face, as she continued to polish her armour. 6 It’s been several days since then, but the rain hasn’t stopped. With me and Aqua secluded to the mansion, only Megumin and Darkness continued with their commute to the hydra.

49 And of course, today just as the day before—

｢We are baaack! Darkness had a bit of an incident, so could anyone run a bath, please!?｣

A rank-smelling Darkness came home, carrying Megumin on her back. ｢...Got eaten, did you? Weren’t you just going to cast explosion magic then run away? That’s dangerous, you know; you should really stop going there.｣ Breathing heavily, Darkness left the expended Megumin on the carpet and began taking off her armour. Her precious armour she had just polished the day before was covered in scratches and stained red by hydra blood. ｢Damned beast; even it must have gotten used to being exploded every day, and now it launched a surprise attack before I even used my taunt skill. It attacked before the explosion magic incantation was finished, so it was a close call... Megumin managed to get the spell off right after I cut my way out, and we got away while it was busy regrowing its heads... I knew this wasn’t going to be easy.｣ As Aqua strolled over and began healing her, Darkness let out a deep sigh. Eventually she got out of her armour, thanked Aqua, and trudged towards bathroom. ｢...Hey, Kazuma. Can’t you come up with some cheat way of killing that hydra? I mean, even though you’re a wuss, your redeeming features are having lots of half- assed skills and finding sneaky ways of getting out of any sticky situation, right?｣ ｢Oh, I just thought of one. First, we chain you up. Then, we chuck you in the lake. Then, when the hydra swallows you up, we get all the adventurers to pull on the chain and fish it out. All that’s left is for everyone to gang up on it and make sure it can’t run back to the lake. ...Sound good?｣ ｢｢...... ｣｣ I snatched Aqua’s egg as she lunged at me used it as a hostage to get her to back away. ｢I cannot complain about getting to cast explosion magic on a powerful enemy, but... I really think Darkness has been acting strange lately,｣ Megumin muttered, as she watched Darkness make her way to the bathroom.

｢—Phew. ...? Kazuma, what are you doing with my armour?｣ Having come out of the bath, Darkness tilted her head at me, as I was squatting down in front of her armour. Next to me, Megumin was watching me as I worked. ｢You came back covered in scratches today. I’m fixing it up. With all this rain, it’s not like I have anything better to do around the house.｣ I was using a wooden mallet to bang out the dents in the armour, putting my Smithing skill to use for the first time in ages.

50 When she heard me, Darkness got bashful. ｢This reminds me of the time you fixed my armour when we all went to the hot springs. ...I wish we could all go there again some day.｣ ｢Well I don’t. I can’t stand that city. All the people there remind me of Megumin.｣ ｢Oi, why don’t you tell me how exactly they remind you of me!?｣ I wrestled Megumin aside as she tried to get in the way of my work, and Darkness stared at us happily. ｢Still. I wish we could go again...｣ she said meaningfully, with a soft voice.

—From then on;

｢Kazuma, she is gone! When I went to her room to wake her up, it was empty!｣ ｢Are you serious!? Even after I told her not to go anymore! Why can’t that girl ever listen!?｣ Darkness had told Megumin that it was dangerous, and she started going to where the hydra was every day by herself. We warned her not to, but she refused to listen and kept going to the lake and coming back a mess. We had decided to take turns watching her in order to keep her from doing it, but... ｢WHY THE HELL DID YOU FALL ASLEEEEEEEEEEP!?｣ ｢WAAAAAAAH! I get tired from nursing Emperor Zel, you know! Raising a child is no picnic! Show some sympathy!｣ ｢Raising a child my ass! Hand over that egg! I’ll show you how to make something good out of it!｣ ｢Don’t! It’s been days since I’ve been keeping it warm, so if you break it now something terrible will happen! If you see what’s inside you’ll regret it!｣ As Aqua hid the egg in her bosom and closed up like a turtle, I sputtered with rage at her. ｢Forget about your stupid goddamn egg and think about Darkness!! What the hell is she even trying to do!? Is she going to babble on about her duty as a Crusader or as a noble to protect the people or some bullshit again!?｣ ｢This is not the time to be trying to figure out Darkness’ motives. That hydra is learning. Darkness’ wounds are getting worse with each passing day, so this is getting dangerous!｣ Megumin, being weak against unexpected situations, gripped her staff and panicked. Still, Darkness probably left sometime just before dawn. ｢Hey, Kazuma. Isn’t there anything we can do about that hydra? I could leave my egg at Wiz’s place and Megumin and I could go after Darkness and try to talk things out. ...I’m sure you must be scared since it already killed you once, but don’t you want to come with?｣

51 Still curled up like a turtle, Aqua proposed something unusual for her, considering she usually avoided confrontations. I guess even she has worked up some determination. If they did that and I stayed behind shut-in by myself...... Argh, damn it! ｢I have to make a stop somewhere, so you two go on and make sure to bring Darkness back. If you run into the hydra, don’t get into a fight. Just run, you hear me?｣ At my words, Aqua and Megumin nodded and went out. As for me, I stayed behind and retrieved a bunch of Eris notes from my room, stuffing them carelessly into my wallet. ｢That stupid goddamn-! I guess it can’t be heeeelpeeeed!｣ For that stubborn ojousama’s sake, I made a decision. 7 The following day. I ran out towards the lake first thing in the morning. Yesterday, Aqua and Megumin eventually ran into a wounded, battered Darkness coming back along the way. After Aqua healed her, as she was being lectured all the way home, she said something with a bitter smile. Apparently she has no intention of giving up on hunting the hydra. In front of the large lake stretching out in front of me, I waited for Darkness to come along with Aqua and Megumin. Eventually, sometime just before noon, Darkness made her appearance along with the others, and when she saw us her mouth gaped. Indeed, when she saw all the adventurers in Axel standing behind me. ｢Oh! You’re late, Lalatina!｣ ｢Lalatina-chan is hereee!｣ ｢Lalatina!｣ ｢LALATINA!!｣ The adventurers I had gathered spoke over each other as they started teasing the frozen Darkness. ｢....｣ ｢S-Stop it, Lalatina! All they did was call your name- Don’t just start strangling me without even saying anything! Sto-...! Please stop!｣ Teary-eyed after being ridiculed by the adventurers, Lalatina grabbed me by the collar.

52 ｢Oi Kazuma, what is the meaning of this? If you’re just looking for new was to harass me, I came up with some ideas of my own.｣ ｢Of course not, do you really think I’d gather this many people for such a stupid reason!? I just told everyone you’ve been going to fight the Kowloon’s Hydra by yourself every day, and asked if anyone wanted to help!｣ ｢!?｣ When she heard that, Darkness quickly let go of my collar and looked at everyone. ｢Oh- Is it me or are you blushing, Lalatina?｣ ｢Hey, stop it. You know Lalatina-chan is sensitive about that. We need Lalatina- chan’s strength to fight the hydra; what are you going to do if you make her run off crying?｣ ｢Kazuma’s been paying for our tabs, and he even bought us all some of the best drinks yesterday! We’re just giving a little something back. We’ll indulge you this time, Lalatina!｣ Voices came out from the group of adventurers. ｢Do you see that, Darkness? See how many adventurers showed up when I told them about how dumb you are and about the dumb thing you’ve been doing every day? I know you’ve got more muscles than brains, but it’s not nice to make people worry, you know.｣ Blushing, Darkness said, in a quiet voice: ｢T-Thank you...｣ ｢Eh? Come again!?｣ Darkness glared at me with moist eyes when I tried to drag a louder repeat out of her, and then she gave the adventurers another humbled look. Everyone who met her eyes either blushed back or smiled at her. Seeing that put a smile on her face as well. ｢All of you, than-｣ ｢WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! KAZUMA-SAAAN, KAZUMA-SAAAAAN!! THE HYDRA IS WAKING UP EVEN FASTER THAN BEFOOOOREEEEE!｣ Aqua, who had at some point gotten into the lake, suddenly wailed over Darkness’ words of gratitude. At the same time, Megumin, who was sitting by the shore preparing her magic: ｢That is why I told you it would be better if we waited for Kazuma’s signal!｣ ｢But! But!! I wanna go home and witness Emperor Zel’s birth...!｣ After working up her courage to thank everyone only to be interrupted at the worst time, Darkness’ face reddened and she started trembling from the overwhelming embarrassment. In pursuit of Aqua, Kowloon’s Hydra revealed itself with a magnificent splash. ｢Why is it always like this with you people!? You ruined everything!!｣

The battle begins—! 53 8 The fight had somewhat of a false start, but our plan went something like this: ｢Thief squad, you got your steel wires!? Archer squad, ready your hooked arrows and stand by!｣ ｢WAAAAAAAH! HURRY, HURRYYYYYYY!｣ First, Aqua would wake the hydra, then lure it to the edge of the lake. ｢Tanks, you have to defend the rear; hold your ground!｣ The vanguard squad, clad in solid armour, defended the people at the rear against the hydra’s attacks. ｢Wizard squad, stay at the back and ready your spells so you can cast them at any time! We need the strongest spell each of you can cast! Don’t worry about a second shot, put all your mana into one big spell!｣ ｢Please just leave it to me! This time I swear my explosion magic will blow that cursed hydra to bits!!｣ In order to finish off the hydra, I had the mages ready their ultimate spells. And finally... ｢Darkness, you use your taunt skill in front of the hydra! The whole fight hinges on your toughness!! Don’t let it take you down easily!｣ ｢Who do you think I am!? All else aside, when it comes to defence, I will not be outdone by anyone!｣ In order to draw the hydra’s attention, Darkness ran and stopped right in front of it! ｢Hey, Kazumaaaa! What about me? What should I do!?｣ ｢Once you’re done casting buffs on everyone, you have nothing to do unless someone gets injured! Find yourself somewhere out of the way and cheer us on!｣ ｢Come ooooon! I wanna do stuff too!!｣ Then, as Darkness was holding the Hydra in place...! ｢Darkness, we’re counting on you!｣ ｢Leave it to me! I’m the one you’re fighting! «Decoy»!｣ Standing on the edge of the lake, Darkness used her taunt skill. The instant the hydra turned all of its heads towards her, making myself as hard to detect as possible using the Conceal skill, I dashed towards the hydra. The fierce attacks coming from the eight heads would have sent not just me, but any other adventurer to Eris in a hurry if they had swallowed us, but Darkness continued to withstand them with a grimace. ｢｢｢｢«Bind»!｣｣｣｣ As the Hydra took to land chasing after Darkness, the instant all of its eight heads came together, each of the Thieves in the squad used their wires to bind all of the long necks together. At the same time, the Archer squad shot their hooked arrows.

54 The hooks at the tips of the arrows were deflected by the hard scales covering the hydra’s body, but they still got stuck between the gaps in the entanglement of wires. Once the adventurers saw that the hooks were in place, they all grabbed onto the ends of the ropes and began pulling on them like in a game of tug of war. They pulled the hydra even further from the lake, preventing its escape. As all this was going on, concealed, I made my closer to the hydra and, while it was still keeping its gaze fixed on Darkness even with its heads tied together, I climbed onto its back and put my hands on its rigid scales. ｢If you’re unkillable while you still have mana, then I’ll just take it from you!｣ When I began using Drain Touch to absorb its mana, the hydra shuddered and began to flail wildly. As expected of a dragon, an embodiment of magic, it was sensitive to having its mana drained. ｢Yeeehaaaa! It’s working, it’s wor... UHOOOOO!?｣ Realising its mana was being sucked away, the hydra began struggling to break its restraints. However, with its eight heads stuck together by Bind, it couldn’t reach its own back. Seeing that, one of the adventurers let out a sharp yell. ｢Kazuma, get away of there! Are you stupid!? What the hell are you thinking getting on top of that thing!?｣ ｢Don’t worry, I’m using my secret skill to weaken this giant beast! Once I reckon he’s nearly out of mana, the mages can unleash a volley...!｣ That was as far as I got when the hydra twisted its body as if preparing to slam and rub its back against the ground. Wh-...! ｢OWAAAAH I’M GONNA GET CRUSHEEED!｣ ｢You fool! What are you doing!!?｣ Darkness, who was standing in front of the hydra, quickly grabbed me as I was thrown off its back and covered me. As I was being held down to the ground, in spite of the situation going on, having Darkness’ face thrust right in front of mine made me flustered. The hydra brought its massive body down on top of us, but Darkness pushed up with her arms to keep me from being crushed. ｢Man, that’s Dustiness-san for ya’. Your strength and stamina are no joke.｣ ｢Is now really the best time!? Kh-This is bad, I can’t keep this up...!｣ If we got crushed now, I can’t speak for Darkness but I’d be in really big trouble. Darkness’ face reddened as she tried to endure, while from under her I reached my hand out towards the hydra weighing down on us. ｢Darkness, just a bit more! You have to resist, stay focused! Don’t move an inch!｣ ｢!? Endurance play!? No, I can’t, I really can’t take much more...!｣ 55 Darkness came back covered in scars every time but she still continued to go to the hydra, slowly eating away at its mana. I’m not going to give up now and let everything she’s been through be for nothing! Even in that situation, I used Drain Touch with all my power while scolding Darkness. ｢Are you really going to call it quits now, when you’ve finally being useful for once!? Weren’t you going to be the champion of this year’s endurance competition too!? Do you really think you can keep your title if you can’t even endure this!? What are you made of!? Do you want to let yourself be humiliated in front of all those adventurers!?｣ ｢Kh-! Being crushed by the hydra and at the same time scolded by a brute of a man; such a delight...! And why now of all days...!｣ Darkness’ reddened face quivered, her eyes moistened and sweat began to drip from the back of her neck, but somehow I think she can withstand it. I continued to drain mana as fast as I could, and the hydra’s bound necks continued to whip and thrash around violently on top of Darkness. ｢Pull, PULL!｣ The group of heavyweight adventurers who had been guarding the rear grabbed onto the ropes attached to the Hydra and began tugging. They must’ve come to help Darkness when they saw her struggling. Darkness put on a satisfied smile and whispered erratically. ｢I-I... can’t... K-Kazuma... don’t... worry... we’ll die... together...｣ ｢I’m worrying! Don’t give up! I’m the only one who’d die anyway! It’s not like being crushed by the hydra would be enough to kill you, especially with buff magic on you!!｣ At this point, since most of my equipment aside from my sword got digested the other day, all I was only wearing my casual clothes. Given my lacking defensive ability, I would instantly die the moment I got crushed. And I seriously don’t want to die for a second time so soon! ｢I-If I give up, Kazuma would die... Aah, I can’t believe it...! You boss me around like my master and order me to endure, and yet your life is in my hands...! Just who is the master now!? This is a new sensation; I’ve awoken to something new, Kazuma...!｣ Well she’s not terribly preoccupied, is she. Where did that brooding stoicism she had when she would go and challenge the monster alone these past few days go? ...Then, just when it seemed like I was a moment away from death; ｢Look, the hydra’s not looking too hot now, is it!? And it looks like it can’t move either! The big bounty, Kowloon’s Hydra, is going to be mine! Prize money goes to whoever finishes it off!! I’m not splitting with anybody!｣ ｢H-Hey, can’t you see what’s going on!? And it can still move, its heads are just tied up! We can’t let our guard-... Aaah! Dust! DUST!!｣

56 I heard a familiar voice shouting, and the weight bearing down on us suddenly lessened. Some brave soul must’ve drawn the hydra’s attention. The two of us barely managed to crawl out from under the struggling hydra, and dashed over to where Megumin was. ｢«Light Of Sabre»!｣ When I looked towards where the spell incantation I had heard many times in the Crimson Magic village came from, I saw that the Crimson Magic kin girl Yunyun had joined in the fight and had sent one of the Hydra’s necks flying. Apparently it had eaten someone, and that was in order to save them. ...You know, that girl stands out so little I only just noticed she’s here with us. Wait, no, I do remember some timid voice calling out to me while I was making my way over here, but my head was full just thinking about Darkness, so... Then, one of the adventurers shouted. ｢Oi, look! That head isn’t growing back!｣ When I looked, the hydra indeed was down to seven heads. And it looked as though it was trying to fall back to the lake, but the heavyweight adventurers in full armour pulling on the ropes had other plans in mind for it.

｢MAAAAGEEEES!!｣

I called out loudly towards the group of mages, whose eyes were practically gleaming as they waited for my signal, each with their most powerful spell they could muster at the ready. ｢ATTAAAAACK!!｣ At my command, a massive wave of offensive magic fell upon the hydra. As fireballs and bolts of lightning flew through the air, the two Crimson Magic kin showed off their power. ｢«Light Of Sabre»!!｣ After swinging down a blade of light through the hydra’s heads, Yunyun looked at Megumin cockily. Seeing her, Megumin let out an arrogant huff and, with her eyes shining, pointed her staff at the hydra. ｢Here comes the explosion magic! Those of you by the shore, get out of the way!｣ ｢Cover your eaaaars!｣ As the adventurers who had lived in Axel long enough to get used to Megumin’s magic deftly plugged their ears: ｢Now, I shall pay you back for what you have done to Kazuma! You shall be the flower I offer to him up in heaven...!｣

57 Oi wait, getting revenge is great and all, but I’m not in heaven, I’m right here.

｢«Explooooosioon»!!｣

The light that flew from the tip of Megumin’s staff pierced through the hydra, which was on its last legs after being barraged with magic. The great bounty which had blighted this land for so long couldn’t as much as scream as it was sent to its eternal slumber— 9 ｢Please just admit I won already! I blew away six of the hydra’s heads! You only got two! Which of us came out on top is plainly obvious to anyone!｣ ｢W-What are you talking about? All you did was stand there until the hydra was already weak! I saved that man who got eaten too, so that should earn me points as well!!｣ ｢For saving some thug who got swallowed trying to steal the entire bounty for himself you would get one point at best. Besides, if you call yourself Crimson Magic kin you should understand the importance of stealing the spotlight!｣ Having defeated the hydra, we along with the other adventurers were making our way back to Axel, smiling brightly. Next to me, Yunyun and the mana-depleted Megumin who had coerced her into carrying her were continuing their argument. Even though we fought such an infamous bounty, we ended up with only a single casualty. And even he had already been revived by Aqua. ｢Man, but we sure did great out there, huh! Though, I don’t think we couldn’t have done it without Kazuma’s party.｣ ｢Yeah, Kazuma really is awesome! Even if we’re going to split the reward for the hydra, Kazuma’s party should get a bigger share. In fact, they could take the one from the idiot who said «Prize money goes to whoever finishes it off!»｣ Keith and Lynn, the adventurers who I had once partied up with, said. Still, we only managed to win thanks to everyone here. That’s why... ｢All right... I’m sure everyone’s tired from fighting the hydra, so let’s all get some rest for today, and tomorrow I’ll use that share to pay for everyone’s drinks!｣ ｢｢｢｢YEAAAAAH!｣｣｣｣ ｢NO WAAAAAY!｣ I thought I heard one whine mixed in with the cheers, but nonetheless I turned towards Darkness, who was walking next to me in high spirits. Darkness had been so edgy, troubled and depressed recently, but now she beamed brightly as if a weight had been lifted off her shoulders.

58 ｢Oi, how’s it feel to make your dream of killing that hydra come true? Think you’ll be able to get some sound sleep from now on?｣ ｢Yes, everything feels much clearer now. It makes all my troubles from before seem so foolish. But it isn’t because we defeated the hydra.｣ Darkness said, walking next to me, showing a smile she had not put on for days. ｢I’ve been reminded of why I love the people of this town. Now all my doubts have been lifted. I have nothing to fear, nor any regrets.｣ ｢You really say some embarrassing things without batting an eyelid sometimes.｣ Slightly put off by my teasing, Darkness gave me a soft nudge in the side. And then...

｢I truly am blessed.｣

Yep, she just boldly came out with that embarrassing line.

｢Hey, revere me more! Let’s hear a ‘Thank you so much for bringing me back to life, Aqua-sama’! Shower me with more praise!｣ ｢Oi Kazuma! I’m thankful for being revived and everything, but this Priest of yours won’t leave me alone!｣

59 Chapter 3: A Lecture for this Runaway Daughter!

1 ｢Adventurers! We truly, truly cannot thank you enough for your efforts yesterday!! Congratulations on defeating the infamous bounty «Kowloon’s Hydra»! Of course, we will distribute its substantial bounty to every one of you!｣ ｢｢｢｢UWOOOOOOOOH!!｣｣｣｣ At the Guild employee’s statement, the entire building was filled with cheers. After recovering from our exhaustion from having slain Kowloon’s Hydra, we all gathered at the Adventurers’ Guild. Right now, everyone here took part in yesterday’s battle. Probably looking forward to receiving their reward, every single face wore a massive grin. ｢Still, even though we’re all here to get our bounties, how come Darkness didn’t show up? Did she forget that we’d all be celebrating today? Or is she still too embarrassed about yesterday?｣ ｢That is possible. Last night she even seemed embarrassed around us, and more restless than usual. Even though she usually does not drink much, she was really hitting the bottle hard too. Normally she would scold me for wanting to drink too, but she even offered me a drink herself...｣ Having taken up positions at a table in the middle of the Guild, we recounted about how oddly festive Darkness was last night. ｢Darkness might be the oldest out of all of us, but she’s still a kid sometimes. Knowing know how clumsy and bashful she is, of course she couldn’t show her face in front of everyone here so soon. We should get her something on the way home.｣ Shining down a warm light from her hand onto the egg nimbly being rolled in her palm as always, Aqua put on her grown-up pants as she belittled Darkness. ｢Casually mentioning she’s older than us to make yourself sound younger, huh. Weren’t you an ‘age undisclosed’ hag?｣ ｢Satou Kazuma-san, I believe I have made myself rather clear on this matter before. Namely, about how you would receive the wrath of the gods the next time you said something like that. I punish you: may every cold drink you order immediately turn lukewarm.｣ Turning my back on Aqua, who managed to keep a straight face throughout the nonsense she was spouting, I gazed at the adventurers merrily receiving their rewards.

60 The reward this time is one billion Eris, divided amongst all participants. One billion Eris. That bounty was one billion Eris. It seems that with that hydra gone, the area around the lake would become fertile. The massive bounty on its head was apparently justified by the abundance of nutritious food that could now be raised on the newly-cleared land. Around fifty people took part in the hunt for the bounty monster. That comes out to twenty million Eris each. The adventurers’ names were called out one by one, and eventually my turn to claim my reward came. ｢Now then, in addition to the eight million Eris for Satou Kazuma-san’s party of 4, according to the wishes of everyone who participated in the bounty hunt, we offer you an additional twenty thousand Eris. In sum, your reward comes to one hundred million Eris!｣ ｢Thank you very much! All right, you guys! I’m putting this twenty thousand Eris up so everyone can have a... O-Oi, let go! This is just like the last time you handed me a bounty- damnit, let go!｣ I forcefully snatched the bag containing the reward from the employee, who would not let it out of her hand. ｢Oi, you guys! I want to thank you again for helping out yesterday! Let’s party!!｣ ｢｢｢｢｢YEEEEAAAAAH!｣｣｣｣｣ Throaty cheers echoed throughout the Adventurers’ Guild. It’s noon right now, but it doesn’t look like we’ll be going home any time soon— 2 As the sun was setting on the town of Axel, we were on our way to the mansion. Feeling even more carefree after having defeated the Hydra without as much as a scratch, we splurged on some even finer ingredients than the stuff we usually ate. With this, we could have an afterparty at home with Darkness too. We bought blanched red crabs. It was what Darkness’ family had sent us before; the finest food we had ever tasted. When she saw them, Aqua became nauseatingly excited.

｢—Oi Darkness, we’re... back...? Huh, what’s with her? Did she go out?｣ When we got back to the mansion, Darkness wasn’t there. Then, I noticed there was a piece of paper left on the table. On it, in Darkness’ handwriting, it said that she had gone to see the local lord to report about the hydra’s extermination. Apparently the lord’s mansion, which we ended up destroying a long time ago, had finally been rebuilt. 61 As soon as we got inside, Aqua took her egg out of her pocket and quickly sat down on the sofa to resume her hatching duties, before starting to demand dinner like a baby bird waiting to be fed. ｢Oi, shut up already. We have the ingredients but we’re waiting for Darkness to come back first, got it? Also, put a break on your stupid chick hatching work and start lifting a finger to help around the house too. The toilets won’t clean themselves, you know.｣ ｢You know, Kazuma, I think you should show a little more sympathy for a nursing woman. And I really wish you’d stop calling it a chick already. If you’re going to be mean to this little guy, don’t come crying to me when Emperor Zel bites you when he’s all grown up.｣ In the end, assuming Darkness would be back sooner or later, Megumin and I decided to start preparing dinner. The other person had egg-hatching duty, so she spent the entire time lazing around on the sofa. Eventually our even more luxurious than usual meal was finished, and we brought it to the living room to set the table. ｢Hey, Kazuma, Darkness is kind of taking too long. And I’m kind of having a hard time sitting here with this food in front of me. Go out and look for her already, go, goooo!｣ ｢You’ve sure got an attitude for someone who didn’t pay a dime or even bother to help cook this food.｣ As Aqua and I exchanged words, Megumin brought tableware and tea for four. ｢I may have outdone myself this time. I would bet not even an ojousama like Darkness has dined on meals like this very often. Fufufu, I cannot wait to see her face when she tastes my cooking.｣ ｢All you did is sprinkle some salt and bring the cutlery though.｣ Still, I could understand why Megumin was puffing up her chest. This meal is something quite special, if I may say so myself. I developed an interest after sampling various delicious meals recently, so I spent some money to be taught the «Cooking» skill. After all, I intend to make adventuring into a mere hobby from now on. That’s why, rather than obtaining combat-related skills, I’m focusing on ones that would elevate my standard of living in day-to-day life. Since I’ve got plenty of money, maybe it would nice to open up a restaurant... As I thought about it, we all continued to anxiously await Darkness’ return.

—Eventually, when the curtains of night had fallen. It was already late, and Darkness still hadn’t come home.

62 ｢Hey, Kazumaaaaa! This is already cold! Go and reheat iiiit!｣ ｢...Being made to wait when the food is right in front of me; I am not Darkness, so this kind of play does not please me in the slightest. ...When she comes home, I will make her sit in seiza in front of the sofa and wait while the rest of us eat as punishment.｣ ｢I don’t think that’d be much of a punishment for her. Probably the opposite...... Still, she’s taking too long. She said she’d be back before dinner. What’s she getting up to? Maybe something actually happened at her family’s house, just like Vanir’s prediction said? She should at least let us know if something like that did happen.｣ We all grumbled and kept waiting. Eventually our irritation turned to anger, and the topic turned to how we would take it out on Darkness when she came back. Since most conventional punishments turn into rewards for that girl, we had a serious think about what might actually be effective. However, not one of us suggested eating without her. Eventually we settled on Aqua putting together an adorable outfit for her to wear as we parade her around town and at the Guild, and spending as much as it would take to rent the best quality magic camera we could for a day so we could have a photo shoot. By the time Darkness’ punishment was decided, it was about time to flip the daily calendar. ｢...She’s so late...｣ Aqua mumbled, but still nobody attempted to touch the food. Does it really take this long to report that the hydra was successfully defeated? Even that sleazy lord wouldn’t think of doing something to a noble like Darkness... At this point, I don’t think she’ll be coming home today no matter how long we wait. If she comes back in the morning again tomorrow, I’m seriously going to take her to task. ｢It doesn’t look like she’s coming home today. She should have at least let us know. ...Oi, let’s just eat already.｣ Even though I said that, the two seemed torn and neither of them looked like they wanted to touch their food.

63 64 ...Argh, damn it! I’m going to torment that masochist until she’s bawling her eyes out. The sentence: Renting Vanir for a thorough, humiliating questioning. Yeah, that’ll do it. One hour of Vanir’s questions for each hour spent making us wait. As I quietly made that vow; Darkness did not come home that day. In fact, neither the day after. Or the day after that. Darkness did not return to the mansion— 3 ｢Hey Kazuma, what’s that? What are you making?｣ I had been crafting on the living room table since morning. I took my handiwork in my hand and showed it to Aqua. It was a mock-up of a stick of dynamite. It was a simple thing, just like what Nobel himself had first invented by wrapping a mixture of nitroglycerine and sand in paper and sticking a fuse into it. In this world nitroglycerine hasn’t yet been discovered, nor is there any gunpowder to use for the fuse, so of course this wouldn’t explode even if lit. And of course, lacking detailed knowledge, it isn’t as though I could have made something like that in first place, but... ｢I know the principle and the general gist of how it’s supposed to work, but since the materials aren’t there I’m making it mostly for form’s sake. Even though it isn’t much, someone smart and forward-thinking enough will buy it for when an equivalent to nitroglycerine gets invented.｣ ｢I see, so you’re trying to bring futuristic modern technology to this world! Kazuma... you’re pretty terrifying sometimes...!｣ Even though I didn’t think there was much point in actually manufacturing it, I figured it’s worth going out of my way to create a few things that don’t seem immediately useful just in case an opportunity to sell them comes along. Aqua held her egg to her belly as she inspected the dynamite mock-up in her hand. I have a reason for starting to do this.

Early this morning, a letter came from Darkness.

｢Aqua, what is that thing you are holding used for?｣ As Megumin was carefully reading Darkness’ letter, she raised her eyes and asked Aqua.

65 ｢It’s a model of a tool called dynamite. It’s something that can act like explosion magic.｣ ｢!?｣ Megumin snatched it from Aqua’s hand. She had a very strong reaction when she heard it can replicate explosion magic. ｢The big advantage to it is that it doesn’t require mana so anyone can use it. Then again, it’s far from something that could actually be made at this...｣ ｢NUWAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!｣ ｢AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!? What the hell are you doing!? I worked hard on that!!｣ Megumin dashed to the window and threw it as hard as she could. ｢Do you think I would accept something that could easily reproduce the effects of the all-powerful explosion magic!? I will not stand for such heretical items!｣ ｢W-What a pain in the...!｣ Megumin breathed heavily, not letting her agitation die down, but eventually she seemed to remember something and opened the letter she had been reading. It was the letter Darkness had written to us. Megumin scanned it for the umpteenth time, reading it as if checking if there was any kind of secret meaning hidden in the writing, before placing it slowly on the table. ｢Is Darkness really going to just leave the party...?｣ At those words, Aqua and I went silent. ｢...What can you do? This is her family we’re talking about. It was strange for her to be going on adventures with commoners like us in the first place.｣ ｢B-But! There is definitely something wrong here! Darkness would not just quit the party without saying anything about it! Our relationship is not the kind you would break off with just a simple farewell letter!｣ Megumin lashed out at my words. ｢You’re right. You know what I think it is? I think it’s because Kazuma went too far with his sexual harassment. I think you should stop bathing in our laundry and going «Uhyoo! It’s an underwear baaaaath!» for a start.｣ ｢I’ve never done that! I’ve never done that yet!｣ ｢Did you just say ‘yet’?｣ I picked up the letter Megumin left on the table read it yet again. «I am very sorry to have to bring this to you so suddenly.» As I re-read it... «I have become involved in a delicate situation without telling any of you. As a noble, it is something I could not have avoided.» I crumpled it into a ball. And hurled it into the bin.

66 «We shall not see each other from now on. I understand that it is unfair, but I wish to be removed from the party. Please find another tank to join in my place.» At that, Aqua and Megumin seemed a bit startled. Damn it, why am I so mad? «I am grateful to you all. More than you could possibly know... I have enjoyed our adventures. It has been the happiest time of my life so far. I know I will never forget the days we have spent adventuring together.» In the end, she lived in a different world from us. She simply went back to her world she came from. That’s right. We’ll just find a new tank to join us, one who can actually land hits, and that will be it. I sat down in front of the table, and began working on the next item. «Thank you for everything. Signed, Dustiness Ford Lalatina. With deepest gratitude to my beloved comrades—» With a crisp sound, the tip of the cutter in my hand snapped off. I must have unwittingly put too much pressure on it. Seeing me like that, Megumin opened her mouth. ｢...It bothers you too, does it not, Kazuma? Let us be honest with ourselves! And let us go back to Darkness’ manor again!｣ She came close, as I clenched my fists.

That day when Darkness did not come home. Eventually, a while after changing the date on the calendar, we slowly began eating our cold food. Then, first thing in the morning, we went to Darkness’ house to pay her back for making us worry, but...

｢They’ll just turn us away at the gate again. She’s still high nobility, you know? Even if we force our way in we’re all going to be arrested, put in jail. Since it’s Darkness and her old man we’re talking about I doubt we’d get executed, but if she doesn’t want to see us then there isn’t anything we can do.｣ Hearing my words, Megumin hung her head dejectedly. When we had gone to Darkness’ estate, «We are not at liberty to disclose information, please turn back.» was all we could get out of the guards as they sent us away. Still frustrated, I went to fetch a spare cutter... ｢Kazuma, you’re thinking of something we could do for Darkness, aren’t you? That’s why you’re so hell-bent on developing new goods. You believe what that stupid useless demon said, don’t you? Listen, demons are a bunch of quibblers and cheats. They aren’t the kind who would help people for free, you know?｣

67 Frustrated at having had my innermost thoughts read, I couldn’t help but freeze in place. ｢Th-That’s not it at all!? I just don’t want to work hard, so I’m just trying to make another quick fortune, that’s all!｣ Hearing that, Aqua put on a serious face. ｢Tsundere? Hey, Kazuma, are you tsundere? You just can’t be honest, can you. It’s fine to admit you miss Darkness. I belong to the school of thought that believes only blonde twintails are allowed to be tsundere. If you understand, then go ahead and dye your hair blonde and wear twintails right now.｣ ｢...... ｣ I snatched the egg from Aqua and decided to make it into today’s lunch, as she protested violently and was half in tears shouting that she went too far and was sorry. Megumin looked at me and muttered sadly: ｢Seeing you two going at it like you always do... Somehow, it feels like something is missing...｣ 4 As I made my way to the Guild, a pouty Megumin followed behind me sluggishly. Honestly, I wish she had stayed home to watch the house like the egg-hatching- obsessed Aqua. ｢...Say, Megumin. Would you go home if I gave you some pocket money?｣ ｢No. As a member of this party, I am entitled to a say in deciding who should join.｣ Megumin has been shooting down all my attempts so far. I guess it’s to be expected. Because I’m on my way to the Adventurers’ Guild to find a tank to replace Darkness. With quick steps, Megumin deliberately scuttled right behind me. ｢You immediately severed all ties with a comrade we have been through thick and thin with just for being absent for a few days. You are a demon, Kazuma. A monster.｣ After saying just that, she quickly scampered back and resumed following a few steps behind me. ｢D-Don’t get the wrong idea. I’m only looking for a new party member because that’s what Darkness wanted. Of course I want her to come back most of all. But if this is what she...｣ Hearing that, Megumin once again scurried immediately behind me. ｢That is simply your stubborn pride talking. You were humiliated after what Aqua said to you, weren’t you? You do not want to admit it, do you? You are just putting up an act, aren’t you? You just want to avoid people thinking you never got another tank because you are too upset over Darkness leaving, don’t you?｣ Having come just to say that, Megumin again scurried back some distance away. 68 S-So annoying...! The rest of the way to the Guild was covered with Megumin tailing me from a distance that wasn’t too close or too far. She could’ve just walked alongside me. But nevertheless, she spitefully chose to walk at a distance where I couldn’t run off from her if I dashed ahead. Eventually, when I arrived in front of the Adventurers’ Guild, Megumin came close and tugged at my sleeve. ｢Kazuma, I would advise you against going inside. If you do, you will experience how terrifying Crimson Magic kin can be firsthand.｣ ｢Just you try it. Start mucking things up and I’ll turn that precious staff of yours into a toilet plunger.｣ I walked inside the Guild with a stiff-faced Megumin. Going in front of the party recruitment board, I began looking for posts that stood out. I’m not going to post a recruitment offer myself, since our party’s bad reputation precedes us. I knew too well that if I advertised that we were looking for a tank nobody would show up. So instead, I would grab hold of someone looking for a party to join, and get them to join us even if it meant having to get more than a little coercive. ...And, I found a good candidate right off the bat. Occupation: Fighter. Proficient in one-handed swords. Confident in defensive ability. Seeking frontline shielding role. Male, aged 18. ...Doesn’t sound too bad. I took down that posting, and began approaching the table where that adventurer was waiting. ｢Uh... Excuse me, I saw this recruitment paper.｣ When I called out, the guy must have been unaware of who we were, since he put on a big smile. ｢Ah, yes! Nice to meet you, I’m a Fighter, my name is...｣ ｢Whoa there, no need for introductions just yet.｣ From behind me, Megumin cut him off. ...I have nothing but bad feelings about this. ｢First you must take a test to determine if you are truly worthy of joining our party. We are an extremely elite party who have crossed swords with generals of the Demon King, you see. The test involves you singlehandedly defeating a greater bounty mons-... Ow!｣ ｢There’s no test! You don’t need to listen to anything she says, really!! I’m sorry, just give us a minute.｣ 69 ｢S-Sure.｣ I hit Megumin in order to stop her prattling nonsense. ｢—Oi, get over here. Come with me.｣ ｢I refuse. ...Ah-Ah! Please do not pull on my hood! This robe was given to me by a friend, do not stretch it!｣ I grabbed Megumin and dragged her over to somewhere where the Fighter-ish guy wouldn’t hear us. ｢Don’t you get it? If Darkness comes home, we can all agree to form a 5-man party. I can’t be a tank with my stamina. Same goes for Aqua. You’re right out. That means that as long as Darkness isn’t with us, we desperately need someone to take the brunt of an attack if we’re up against lots of monsters.｣ ｢I understand, I understand completely, Kazuma. I know the importance of a vanguard all too well. Then, let us begin the interview.｣ She doesn’t get it at all. She’s definitely up to something. ｢Listen to me, after how many generals of the Demon King’s army we’ve brought down, we’re bound to draw the Demon King’s attention sooner rather than later. The reason Vanir was sent here in the first place was because this is where Veldia got defeated. I want us to be at least minimally prepared for a fight in case the worst happens. That’s why that guy can just join us as a sort of temporary party member. Understand? Don’t get in the way, okay?｣ ｢I understand. I will not get in the way. I will not hinder you.｣ Megumin nodded, suddenly obedient. Honestly, whenever she’s quiet and obedient it’s safer to assume she’s actually planning to cause trouble. Paying close attention to Megumin, I went back to the table from before. ｢Uhm... Sorry, you know, about walking out like that. I’m Satou Kazuma. You can call me Kazuma. This here is...｣ As I was about to introduce her, Megumin gave her cape a flutter and proclaimed loudly enough to turn the heads of everyone in the Guild:

｢My name is Megumin! Foremost magic user in Axel and wielder of explosion magic! Known throughout this Guild as the crazy explosion girl! Now, will you walk alongside-... OW!!｣

As Megumin drew the attention of the entire Guild and suddenly gave a ridiculous introduction, I rushed to beat her down but was too late. The Fighter guy’s face went incredibly stiff. ｢U-Um... I’ve heard some rumours, but are you actually... I-I’m sorry, I thought they were all exaggerating, but... I couldn’t take on that much responsibility right now so, uh, please find someone else...｣ What did those rumours say, I wonder. I think our reputation might be even worse than I thought. 70 As I watched the man leave, apologising repeatedly, Megumin turned to me with a face that seemed satisfied and yet also as if she had lost something precious to her, and smiled. ｢Kazuma, it seems he was not the man for the job. All I did was introduce myself. Onto the next, then. Let us find the next candidate.｣ Talk about a suicide bomber. I underestimated Megumin’s resolve. I didn’t expect her to declare herself a weirdo. And, even if I went to the next person... When the two of us walked to the notice board and looked at the people whose papers caught our attention, they understandably avoided eye contact. ...It seems that self-introduction that echoed through the Guild was the final nail in the coffin. Damn it, even though all she cares about most of the time is casting her explosion magic, she picks now to start putting her stupid wisdom to use. Then, right at that moment;

｢Oi Kazuma. What’s up, lookin’ for members? Should’ve come ask me, man.｣

The one who called out to my puzzled self was Dust. He doesn’t look like he’s with the rest of his party today. ｢Don’t you have your own party? What about the others?｣ At my question, Dust grimaced uneasily. ｢You’re not gonna believe this, Kazuma. Those guys are jerks, man. They said they don’t wanna work for a while after getting all that money from fighting the hydra! I didn’t get a reward from the hydra so I need to be making money. But since most of the adventurers have their purses full right now, there aren’t even that many offers for temporary parties. And Fighter is like the most common class too, so... Yeah. If you’re lookin’ for a tank, I’ll do it.｣ Megumin glared at Dust as if cursing him out for showing up at the worst time. I did hear that this punk is pretty good at what he does, even if his behaviour is questionable. Megumin and Aqua also partied up with him once before, and I know him pretty well too. Having no reason to say no, I took Dust on as a provisional party member.

—In order for us to determine how well we worked together as a temporary party, we took on a random quest and headed out to the sprawling farmlands on the outskirts of town. It’s the rainy season. The rainy season might make you think of frogs, but there is an even more annoying enemy to contend with during this period. 71 ｢Snipe! Snipe Snipe Snipe! ...This isn’t working; my arrows aren’t doing any damage! Aren’t these guys way too tough!?｣ ｢Bows and blades won’t do jack to Adamanmaimai4! Kazuma, try to use magic to buy us some time! I’ll keep these guys away from the field until the loli girl’s done with her spell!｣ ｢Oi, why don’t you tell me just who exactly you are calling a loli!?｣ Dust, Megumin and I, along with a few other adventurers who accepted the same quest, went to exterminate pests for the local farms. In the rainy season, giant snails called Adamanmaimai which gorge on farmers’ crops appear in large numbers. And right now, behind us... ｢Oi! Joseph got stabbed in the arse by a Summer Shoot! This is bad; his days of working the field are over! Someone get him out of here!｣ ｢Boars! It’s like they were waiting for us to panic! There’s boars and other wild beasts coming!｣ We could hear the jeering voices of the farmers who were harvesting this field. I guess agriculture is hard work no matter what world you’re in. ｢«Freeze»! «Freeze»! «Freeze»! «FREEZE»!!｣ Using Freeze to drop the Adamanmaimai’s body temperature, its movement slowed temporarily. These snails really lived up to the name; not just their shells, but every bit of their bodies was exceedingly tough. All I could do was stall for time. In the middle of the field, Dust, who had beaten back several monkeys, stabbed his longsword into the earth and, gripping onto it firmly, brought his shield forward with his left hand. From the front, a large wild boar came rushing towards the field. It’s like Dust was waiting to meet it head-on. ｢Bring iiiiit!｣ Dust dropped low and braced his legs, while putting his strength into the hand gripping the sword. I bet Darkness could have stopped that without even flinching. She could even withstand that hydra’s attacks, after all. But it would be unreasonable to expect the same from Dust. The wild boar the size of a bull continued charging towards Dust, and...! ｢Guhah-!?｣ It sent Dust flying through the air.

4 A reference to a turtle-like Final Fantasy monster, “Adamantaimai” (localized as Adamantoise). Taimai is the Japanese name for the Hawksbill turtle, while Maimai is one of the terms for snail. 72 But of course, the boar didn’t come out of crashing into a man wearing steel armour unharmed either, and it began to stagger before eventually coming to a stop. I dashed over to the boar, and immediately assaulted it with my sword. Unusually for me, I managed to bring the boar down without much difficulty and began looking around to see how everyone else was doing. Several adventurers had failed to defend against the monkeys, and let a few slip past towards the farms. Argh, damn it! I left Dust, who was rolling around twitching on the ground after being sent flying, aside for a moment, grabbed my bow and took aim at the monkeys. ｢Kazuma! The explosion magic incantation is done!｣ When Megumin informed me that her magic was ready, I pointed towards the group of fleeing monkeys and shouted: ｢Do it! Megumin! Blow all of them up!｣ After I had given the order, I got the impression that one of the other adventures shouted something as well. ｢Hey-...! Don’t-..!｣

｢«Exploooosion»!｣

Megumin’s explosion magic turned the monkeys, boars, Adamanmaimai, and even the crops in the field to ash. 5 After exterminating the pests, we came to the Guild to report. The reward was twenty thousand Eris for each adventurer who took part. We were up against Adamanmaimai, which don’t attack humans, and wild animals. That was the value of exterminating pests like snails and monkeys that aren’t much of a threat to human lives, wild boars aside. Twenty thousand Eris could be considered a sensible reward... Though, as far as we were concerned; ｢Well, Satou Kazuma-san, Megumin-san, Dust-san, here is your five thousand Eris...｣ Destroying the crops along with the enemy shaved off a good chunk of our reward. The fault lies with me for giving Megumin such a poorly thought-out order. I felt sorry, but Dust; ｢Hehe, well, shit happens, eh? At least it’s enough to pay for our drinks. Don’t let it get you down. I mean, if you hadn’t done anything those monkeys would’ve gotten away and the whole quest would’ve been a wash, right!｣ He just laughed and immediately spent his reward ordering a cold pint.

73 ｢Well, without Aqua and Darkness, I would say we performed as best as could be expected. There were not many other adventurers either. By all rights, such a quest would call for more adventurers than that,｣ Megumin added. She must have been glad to have completed the quest, but it certainly didn’t show on her face. ...I get it; it’s probably because of Darkness. I know it’s completely unfair to make the comparison, but with how skilled that masochistic Crusader was at being a meat shield, it’s hard not to. It’s not like Dust did a bad job by any means. He cut down a good number of monkeys and was a fine frontliner, but still... I couldn’t stop myself from thinking that if it were Darkness, even if she couldn’t hit anything she could’ve taken that wild boar’s assault in stride and not miss a beat... No, it’s no use comparing them now. For now, I’m going to see how Dust performs as a provisional party member.

—And so, it came to the next day after we decided on our temporary member. The front door suddenly opened without even a knock beforehand, and a man rushed inside. ｢...I know I said you’re in the party for now yesterday, and Aqua invited you over after you introduced yourself, but what’s with the rush?｣ At my question, the man who barged into the house, Dust, breathed heavily. ｢Kazuma, bad news! I need your help, man! Please, can you come with me for a bit!?｣ Considering this is the same guy who was trying to deal the killing blow to a hydra not too long ago, something that would throw him into such a panic must be something really big. I turned towards the others, and: ｢I don’t know what this is about, but I’m going to go check it out,｣ I said, before being dragged out of the mansion by Dust.

—As Dust walked in front of me, he explained about this terrible situation. Eventually, after hearing his explanation, I found myself stopping in place. ｢...Um, hold on a second. So you’re telling me that this ‘bad news’ of yours is that Lynn got a boyfriend?｣ ｢Exactly! Even though this is such a major incident, all Taylor and Keith had to say about it was ‘Huh.’!｣ Yeah, ‘Huh.’ is pretty much all I’ve got to say too. Still, Dust raised his fists in the air: ｢Look, our precious comrade is going out with some asshole I’ve never even heard of! You’d be worried too if one of your comrades hooked up with some stranger, wouldn’t you!?｣ 74 Well, having close female friends of my own, if one of them were to get a boyfriend... ｢I kind of get what you mean.｣ ｢Right!? This is why you’re the man, Kazuma! You get this shit!｣ In a buzz, Dust continued to explain the situation to me. According to him, Lynn has suddenly started acting unfriendly towards them. Finding this unnatural, he decided to follow her ‘round the clock, and sure enough he saw her going into an inn with a strange man. ｢...D-Dude, that’s called stal-...｣ ｢Point is! This asshole who came out of nowhere is taking advantage of Lynn! I’m just worried for my comrade. I want to investigate this guy. I’m begging you, Kazuma! I can’t count on the others! Please, help me out!｣ Dust put his hands together pleadingly, and I thought about it for a while. It’s not really above-board to meddle in someone’s romantic affairs, but I have a right to judge someone’s character, don’t I? For example, if Darkness one day suddenly came out and said she found a boyfriend, I’d want to find out what kind of man he is. Because if it’s Darkness we’re talking about, her taste in men is a bit too unique. ｢...All right. It doesn’t feel right, but if I were in your place I’d probably want to know who this guy was too. If it’s Lynn I doubt it’ll be anything to worry about, but I have adventured with her once before, and I’d be lying if I said I’m not curious to find out what kind of guy it is.｣ ｢Uwoooh! You really get it, Kazuma! I know I can count on you!｣ I had a hint of anxiety about Dust, but I couldn’t help but relate the Lynn situation with the out-of-contact Darkness, so I decided to go along.

—Dust showed me to a small but cosy-looking inn. It looked the kind of place that would be more frequented by couples rather than adventurers. ｢This is the place, Kazuma. This is where I saw that sleazebag who seduced Lynn.｣ You don’t even know who he is yet, man. Seeing Dust so ticked off, my conscience was warning me that this guy might do something reckless. ｢So, what now? We can’t just storm into the guy’s room.｣ At my words, Dust put on a wicked grin. ｢I’ve been an adventurer for years now, man. You don’t make it for long in this line of work if you don’t learn to come prepared. I’ve already found out what room he’s staying in, and rented the room next to it.｣ Christ, man...

75 I got the feeling it might be better to turn him in to the authorities right now, but Dust had already opened the door to the inn. I had no choice but to shrug and follow him. Hell, I bet if he made better use of this kind of forethought and drive he’d probably be better off in life. The interior of the inn was the very definition of typical. The type that has a dining hall on the first floor and rooms for rent on the second. As if having been told everything in advance, the innkeeper didn’t react at all after seeing me and Dust, instead just yawned with a placid look on his face. Dust went ahead up the stairs to the second floor, and eventually stopped in front of one of the rooms. ｢Alright, this is it. ...The walls are thin so keep your voice down as much as you can. Lynn should already be in the next room. She’s got good ears, so she might recognize our voices.｣ I gave a gulp and a nod, and followed Dust into the adjacent room. It was a simple room, with just a bed, table and a small chest of drawers. Dust closed the door carefully, and put his ear up against the dividing wall. Even though it felt like I was doing something wrong for some reason, I also put my ear up to the wall. As I did, I started hearing a girl’s voice from the room on the other side—

«I understand, but... I just don’t know what to say...» That’s definitely Lynn’s voice. From her tone it doesn’t sound like a very happy conversation though. «Lynn-san, I understand what I am asking of you is difficult. By all rights, something like this would never be allowed. But how can I help it if I have fallen in love!?» «C-Calm down! Um, let’s just think about this, okay? You’re nobility, so you shouldn’t be seen with some adventurer. And that’s just one of the problems...» Sounds like he’s a noble. So Lynn got a rich boy to fall for her. But still, from the sound of her voice she didn’t seem very interested. A noble’s son and an adventurer. That’s a pair that’s unlikely to come together even coincidentally by the roadside. Me and Darkness adventuring together in the same party was a rare exception. As I was thinking that, the conversation on the other side of the wall continued. «Lynn-san! I know all too well how hard it is for me to convey my feelings with the difference in status! And yes, I understand that there is an even greater obstacle in the way. But, at the very least...! At the very least, please let me use this expensive magical camera to take a picture!» «C-C-C-C-Calm down! Please calm down! Let’s take this slowly!» 76 From the conversation so far, I think I understand the guy’s situation. The young noble fell in love with Lynn, but because of the difference in status, they can’t be together. ‘So at least let me have a picture’, is it? Well, he doesn’t seem like such a bad guy after all. «As much as possible! I want as suggestive a photo as possible!» «Let’s just calm down for a second! Please, just calm down! Let’s just go downstairs for a bit and have a little snack so we can calm down, okay!?» ...Nope, guessed wrong after all. Then, next to me, Dust suddenly jumped up. ｢I’m going to go knock his teeth in.｣ ｢Oi wait, don’t go! Not so fast!｣ I just barely managed to hold Dust back, and eventually the door to the adjacent room opened, before we heard it close again. The two must have gone downstairs to the dining hall. Once he heard the silence, Dust put on a vicious smirk. 6 ｢Oi look at this stuff, Kazuma! All these clothes all over the place! Our noble boy came dressed to the nines, he did!｣ I rushed after Dust into the adjacent room. As I watched him rummaging through the entire room, I held my head in my hands. This is getting worse by the minute. So far we’re guilty of trespassing. ｢Lessee, lessee here, what treasures did the little prince pack... Wait, what the...!?｣ We should probably leave it at that. Adding theft on top of trespassing is already crossing a line. As Dust opened the dresser and found something that left him stunned inside, I put my hand on his shoulder and... ｢Kazuma, look at this lacy red lingerie! That son of a bitch was planning to make Lynn wear this and take pictures! To think the dirty pervert even brought something like this with him! Here’s what I’m gonna do with THIS!!｣ As Dust raged and shouted, he unhesitatingly stripped naked before equipping the lacy red underpants. In this situation, I think it’s pretty obvious that the only pervert here is him. ｢Alright, Kazuma! Get that fancy magical camera there and take pictures of me! We’ll fill that expensive film full of me naked, so even if he gets to shoot Lynn, he’ll get traumatised for life the moment he develops it!｣ What could I even say at this point?

77 Having pretty much already given up, I picked up the magical camera as I was told. It was a fairly simple design, but it certainly felt like there was a lot of mana packed into it. Right now, I’m about to use a tool that probably costs as much as a house to do the stupidest thing in the world. Dust threw his clothes away, put his hands together and assumed the bridge pose. The pervert wearing red lingerie supported his body by his thick, muscular neck, and his toned body flexed into a magnificent arch.

｢Alright, do it, Kazuma! Immortalize the beauty of my form!｣

—I don’t know how many photos I took. As Dust assumed a myriad of poses, showing off his pearly whites in each, I would climb up on the table or crawl on the floor with the magical camera in order to get the most spectacular shots from all sorts of angles. From an eagle ready to strike to a seductive crawling leopardess. Seeking higher culture, we even got a shot in The Thinker pose. ｢You’re looking great, Dust, just like that! The camera loves you, baby!! That’s enough beauty poses, now let’s get something sexy! All right, put a finger in your mouth and stick your butt this way for me!｣ Without missing a beat, Dust put his thumb between his lips and pointed his red panty-clad behind towards me. After getting a few shots of that, I continued giving him directions. ｢All right, now let’s get some that’ll really show your macho side! Spread your legs, lower your hips, and put your arm... Yeah, yeah, just like that!｣ Wearing his red undies, Dust squatted down like a sumo wrestler performing the leg stomp and stretched his right arm outwards. With a grim, stern expression, he recited the line I had taught him.

｢Hakkeyoi!5｣

At that point, both of us finally reached our limits and tears streamed down our faces as we began laughing, rolling around, clutching at our sides and banging on the floor...! Clunk. As her staff dropped in front of the open door, our eyes met with an astonished Lynn’s.

5 Phrase said in sumo wrestling by the referee when both wrestlers have reached a stand-off and are stalling. 78 7 ｢..So, care to explain? I know Dust is an idiot, but you too, Kazuma? What were you doing?｣ Dust and I sat in seiza in front of Lynn and the young noble. ｢｢We’re sorry,｣｣ we apologised simultaneously. We were careless. We got into some weird mood and both of us got caught up in taking stupid photos. Seeing us, Lynn let out a long, absolutely pitiful sigh. The look she was giving Dust was excruciating. In fact, Dust in his little panties was a pretty agonizing sight in itself, so I wish she’d at least let him put on a proper pair of underpants. ｢Haah... Honestly, I don’t know what I was even getting worried for. Fine, do whatever you want with him. I won’t say anything more. ...Come on, Kazuma, let’s go,｣ Lynn said, with an exhausted expression, as she offered me her hand. ｢...Heh? No, we can’t just leave these two alone, can we? There’s going to be trouble.｣ Lynn grabbed my hand and nearly dragged me outside. ｢Nevermind, forget about it. It’s none of my business.｣ Lynn closed the door behind her as we walked into the hallway. «Dust-san, to think I would find you in my room dressed so...» «Ah? The fuck you want? Yeah I broke in, you got a problem with that?» From the room we heard those two’s voices. Dust was definitely acting like he wasn’t at fault, and sounded violent. I wonder if he even realises what he’s wearing right now. ｢Hey, Lynn, shouldn’t we stop him? He’s definitely going to hurt someone.｣ Lynn turned her tired, defeated face towards me. ｢He might hurt someone, or he might get hurt... I tried my best. Really, I did. But when I opened the door, the idiot was there dressed like that. There’s being a duck carrying a spring onion on its back, and then there’s jumping into the boiling pot and closing the lid behind you. There’s nothing else I could do now.｣ ...? Somehow I get the feeling we’re not having the same conversation. «P-Perish the thought that I would ever complain, Dust-san! Dust-san...! Aah... Dust- san! U-Uwaah, what a feeling! Lynn-san had advised me to give up hope but, but... I am so glad I joined the Church of Axis and prayed tirelessly...! There is a god, there truly is a God...!» «Look, I don’t know what you’re smiling about, but you’re making a big mistake if you think I’m scared of some noble or whatever, pal. I deal with you royals and nobles all the time. And right now, there’s just us two men in this room. Ain’t need me to say anything else, do you? You know what’s about to go down, right?» 79 «Wh-!? You mean to say you are not bothered by our difference in status!? We are two men, alone...!? Aah... Aah...! Such a glorious day! My deepest gratitude, Aqua- sama...!» As Dust and the young noble’s voices came through the door, Lynn and I left the inn.

｢—So, what were you doing there? What happened to you two?｣ When we left the inn, Lynn posed a very difficult to answer question... ｢Well, you see...?｣ I told Lynn the whole story, including how seriously worried Dust was... Lynn started laughing so hard she could barely breathe. ｢Ah-Aha...! S-So stupid! You guys are not right in the head, I swear! Ahahahaha!｣ I completely agree. I mean, normally I would never agree to help with something like this, but Lynn just reminded me too much of Darkness... Lynn wiped tears from the corners of her eyes, but her shoulders kept shaking.

｢Haaah... Listen, that noble guy? He likes Dust.｣

At that point, time stopped. ｢...Eh-?｣ What did she just say? ｢I said, that noble guy likes Dust, so he asked me for advice. So, since I told him I don’t think they could be together, he asked me to at least take a photo.｣ It was right at this moment. ｢HYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!｣ I have never heard Dust scream like that before. A blood-curdling screech like a bird being strangled came from the second floor of the inn. ...I know Dust is a temporary party member, but I figure it’s best to leave things alone for a while. Convincing myself that nothing happened today, I walked away with Lynn. Suddenly I feel kind of tired, so I’m going to just go home and take a nap. Then, just as I languidly began to string together my plan for the day; ｢Hey, you know, that noble guy reminded me, but Lalatina-chan is a noble too, right? I only just found out. I was really surprised when I heard,｣ Lynn let out, nonchalantly. ｢Well you know a lot. Who told you?｣ Despite myself, I asked her to explain, but Lynn made me feel like I was asking something obvious.

80 ｢Everyone in town is talking about it. You know, about how Lalatina-chan is the daughter of house Dustiness, and how she’s going to marry the lord of our town, Aldarp soon?｣ ...... ｢Please explain, in detail.｣

81 with this Chapter 4: One Last Night Young Lady!

1 In front of the two of them, I declared enthusiastically:

｢So, now begins the strategy meeting for how we’re going to break into that highly-defended mansion and meet up with Darkness. Though I already have a pretty good idea!｣

When I got back to the mansion, I explained the situation to Megumin and Aqua. And now, I was sitting opposite them in the living room, holding a strategy meeting. ｢Is it just me or is Kazuma actually kind of excited this time? So you’re saying everyone in town is talking about how that half-bear half-pig lord guy and Darkness are going to get married? I knew Darkness has bad taste, but still, where’d this come from? Usually Darkness’ dad would have stopped this, so what happened? …I don’t like it. Especially not how it’s all going just like that fishy demon predicted,｣ Aqua said with an unusually serious face, cradling her egg on top of the sofa. If I recall, that demon did say that Darkness’ family, and her father would suffer a grave fate. Normally nobody would actually take fortune-telling seriously. The most you’d do is take them with a pinch of salt. But since magic exists in this world, curses must exist too. ｢Do you believe in that prophecy, Kazuma? You are working hard to produce goods even though you are already wealthy, just like that demon suggested. …I do not wish to sound like Aqua, but demons really are not the kind who would help others out of the goodness of their hearts. Surely that prophecy and that advice he gave you is only so he could profit more. If I returned to the Crimson Magic village, I could ask for a proper foretelling from the skilled soothsayer lady I know…｣ Megumin offered, but… To be honest, I don’t know what to think. It’s probably not a good idea to just blindly believe in anything a demon says. But still… ｢I don’t think Vanir would say things like that lightly, but I do get the feeling he’s hiding something from us. I don’t know how saving Darkness would benefit him in any way either. …I’m not going to pretend anymore; the reason I’m making goods is so I could help Darkness in case something happens, just like he predicted. And even if the prophecy is wrong, it’s not like developing new items would be a waste of time. That’s pretty much all the thought I’ve given it, but…｣

82 Not being the sharpest tool in the shed, Darkness would naively think that sacrificing herself would solve everything. That was what Vanir had predicted about Darkness. That was the sort of thing that would make me scoff if some fortune-teller on the street corner said it, but… ｢At any rate, it’s too early to be drawing conclusions. All we have to go on is what Lynn heard from other people herself; it’s all just hearsay at this point. We can’t know anything for sure until we meet with Darkness directly and ask what’s going on. All her letter said is that she’s leaving the party and that doesn’t tell us much, but we had to go through a lot because of that lord, so we need to ask her why she was being forced to meet with him. Right? Right?｣ As if spurred along by my enthusiasm, Megumin and Aqua nodded vigorously. If I remember correctly, according to the description the idiot gave of the kind of lowlife she would want as a marriage partner, that lord certainly fit the bill. Though I don’t want to think about it, it’s not entirely out of the question that if something happened to her father, Darkness herself might be the one pushing for the wedding to happen. I mean, she has a habit of saying really stupid things sometimes. That’s right. She wanted to go home with Veldia, and was overjoyed when Vanir took over her body. She was also genuinely shaken when she heard that all male orcs had been exterminated, when we were going to the Crimson Magic village. Forget leaving the party by just sending a letter out of the blue; now that I think about it, she’s always caused headaches. Whatever the case, right now we need to talk to her directly and make things clear. And, while we’re at it, ask what she meant with that letter. It feels a bit petty to go just based on a single letter, but after hearing what Lynn told me, I had no other choice. Yeah, it can’t be helped. Being able to get even with her after making me worry so much lately, being excited to sneak into the Dustiness manor after so long, having a proper excuse to go and see her; all these things also played a minor part, naturally. Kuku, ohhhh, Darkness. Just you wait…

Seeing a myriad of thoughts churning through my head, Megumin smiled happily for some reason. Aqua seemed to be fascinated. And then; ｢Hey, Kazuma. You’ve really been grumpy lately, but you look pretty happy now.｣ She said, sounding somewhat cheerful.

83 2 ｢Right. This seems like a good time. All right, Aqua, you’re up.｣ It must be around two at night. Right now, we’re not standing in front of the heavily guarded Dustiness manor’s front or rear entrances, but rather to side of it, where no way in presented itself. The manor was surrounded by a metal fence. I was hiding in the shadows, peering carefully through it. At my command, Aqua softly incanted several spells. They were support spells, for enhancing physical attributes. Amplified physical strength, and increased speed. Though I wasn’t sure if it would be necessary, she even cast damage resistance and magic resistance buffs... ｢«Versatile Entertainer»!｣ Aqua recited a spell I hadn’t heard before. I saw my body glow faintly for a moment, so that must be another kind of support magic. ｢What was that spell just now?｣ ｢A spell for becoming a multi-talented performer.｣ I silently hit Aqua. Ignoring her as she tried to choke me with tears in her eyes, I took my bow and a hooked arrow with rope attached, like the ones once used in the battle against the Mobile Fortress, off my back. I had wrapped the tip of the arrow several times over with cloth, so that it wouldn’t make a noise even when hitting the roof. ｢All right, I’m going in.｣ After consulting with the two of them, since I had all kinds of skills useful for infiltration like Conceal and my night vision skill, we decided that I would sneak into the mansion alone. After breaking into the royal palace, sneaking into a noble’s manor should be easy. Since I didn’t intend to harm anyone, I didn’t bring any equipment other than my bow. And even the bow I’ll leave to Aqua to carry back once I shoot the arrow. ｢Don’t mess this up. You’d better make Darkness swoon and carry her off into the night.｣ ｢...A-Aren’t you supposed to be some kind of priest? Should you really be saying stuff like that?｣ ｢No, Aqua is absolutely right. This is Darkness. I am sure she will be stubborn and refuse even if you explain the situation. Do not worry if you have to get a bit forceful; give it all you have got!｣

84 ｢You two are pretty extreme, you know that?｣ Under Aqua and Megumin’s eyes, I nocked the arrow and, using the Snipe skill, shot it as accurately as possible towards the tip of the roof. My shot was on target, and the arrow stuck to the apex of the roof with a soft ding. I stood there silently for a while, but didn’t seem like the noise drew anyone’s attention. I tied the end of the rope to a part of the fence surrounding the manor, then turned to the two and said quietly: ｢Once I get up to the roof, untie the rope from the fence. They might have patrols, and if they see the rope they’ll realise someone broke in. I’ll find my own way out, so you two can just go back to the house.｣ As I tugged on the rope to make sure it held, the two gulped and nodded. All right, let’s do this! Like a member of a ranger squad, I smoothly made my way up the rope. If I didn’t have the physical strength reinforcing buff on me, this would be much harder with my shlubby build. After making my way onto the roof without any trouble, I gave Aqua the signal. I made sure Aqua untied the rope from below and then began using my Sense Enemy skill to probe around for human presences. Being able to tell if someone is in a room without actually having to look inside it is a big advantage. I continued pinging for signs of people, and eventually found an empty room. I tried using the rope from the roof to enter through a second floor window, but the windows were locked. However, this is where a bit of modern knowledge comes in handy. ｢«Tinder».｣ Holding onto the rope with one hand, I cast a flame on the outside of the window. With nothing to burn or mana to supply it, the flame would go out, so I kept re- casting it again and again. Eventually, just when the surface of the window was hot enough... ｢«Freeze».｣ At my whisper, the window was suddenly chilled and the glass cracked with faint sound. I was on the lookout for anyone who might come to investigate the noise, but I didn’t sense anything. Using thermal shock to break windows is a trick employed by housebreakers, usually done with a lighter and water. There was a period in my life, when I was afflicted with chuunibyou, where I would gather all kinds of dangerous knowledge like this from the internet even though I had no intention of using any of it.

85 It was all useless trivia back then, so I never thought I’d ever get to actually use it... I stuck one finger through the cracked glass, and bit by bit scraped away at the glass around the lock. Before long I had made a hole big enough to access the lock, opened the window and got inside. This is the moment where I finally changed class from Adventurer to Burglar. So, I’m inside the mansion. Now, the question is how am I going to find Darkness’ room? Should I sneak through the halls, checking each room one by one? No, if they have guards patrolling, I’d probably get found out even with the Conceal skill. Then... ｢What, did you hear something?｣ ｢Well, I might have just imagined it, I hope...｣ I heard voices coming from the hallway outside the door. Panicked, I pulled the curtains shut to hide the broken window and began picking up the shards of glass all over the carpet. Hearing the sound of the door lock rattling, I hurriedly slid under the bed and activated my Conceal skill. I heard the door open, along with an annoyed voice. ｢See, could’ve guessed it was nothing. Noris, you need to stop jumping at every little thing. How about you go downstairs to the kitchen and make me something to eat instead?｣ ｢I-I’m sorry... I just thought I heard something break...｣ As the door closed and I heard footsteps getting quieter and quieter, I stood still and on guard. They said something about going to the kitchen for a late-night snack, so they were probably guards patrolling inside the mansion. I guess that means checking every room isn’t an option after all... In that case, maybe I could go to that kitchen the guards talked about, say that Lalatina-ojousama ordered for a late-night snack, and then tail the cook as he carries the food to Darkness’ room...! ...No, there’s a lot wrong with that plan. I can’t let my face be seen for one, and I’m not skilled enough an imitator to sound like those guards from before. I bet Aqua would be multi-talented enough to pull off an act of ventriloquism like that. ...Multi-talented.

86 Getting a bit of an idea, I cleared my throat. One of the guards was called Noris, right? ｢...My name is No...ris...!?｣ Even I was shocked by my own ability to copy the guard’s voice. What the hell, it sounds exactly like him! So much so that it’s creepy! I remembered that Aqua cast the buffing spell to turn me into a multi-talented entertainer, so I decided to at least give it a try, but...! ｢T-This is nuts... Aah, aah, Darkness. Ooh, it’s Darkness...! It sounds exactly like her voice!｣ I also tried copying Darkness’ voice, and it also sounded amazingly like her. This works. I can use this! I’ll have to apologise to Aqua once I get back...... ｢Oh, Kazuma-sama, you stud! Hold me!｣ I played around with Darkness’ and other people’s voices for a while, before eventually coming back to my senses. Damn it, this is no time to be fooling around. Nearly lost sight of the goal. I have never wished I had a tape recorder with me more in my life, but meeting up with Darkness comes first. For now, I should check what’s going on in that kitchen. Making my decision, I quietly left the room and activated my Conceal skill—

I followed after the two guards from before and found my way to the kitchen, and after making sure they were gone, I approached the door. I cleared my throat with a cough, and remembered Noris’ voice. Then, after giving the door a flustered knock, I immediately began rattling on. ｢Sorry, it’s Noris again! I forgot that the young lady asked me to have a late night snack sent to her room! I need to return to my post, so could you carry it to her!?｣ In my mind, I apologised to Noris-san, even though I haven’t even seen his face. ｢I swear, so absent-minded. It’s not like a stickler like you to forget something like that, is it? Fine, I’ll take it up, you go mind your duties,｣ I heard a voice reply dryly from the other side of the door. Then, as if I was in a big rush: ｢Thanks, I owe you!｣ I blurted, before pretending to run off. Without wasting a moment, I hid in the shadow of some ornament and waited patiently for the cook to come out. Eventually, after some while, I felt a presence from the kitchen—

87

3 ｢Milady, your meal has arrived,｣ the cook said, as he knocked on the door. I was observing from the shadows. All right, now I’ve found Darkness’ room. The cook knocked a few more times on the door before it finally opened. As if she had been sleeping, wearing a silk negligee and her hair untied, Darkness came out rubbing her eyes. The cook rushed to avert his gaze. ｢Er, that Noris, milady; he said you had called for a late night meal...｣ ｢...? I don’t remember that,｣ Darkness said sleepily, and the cook bowed in confusion. ｢...!? M-My most humble apologies for disturbing you at such an hour!｣ he said. Puzzled, Darkness watched the cook withdraw before shutting the door. The cook tilted his head in confusion as he passed by where I was hiding, and after he had gone; Picking a moment when I didn’t feel anyone else around, I knocked on the door to Darkness’ room—

｢Milady, please awaken. A man going by the name of Satou Kazuma has appeared at this late hour and demands to see you...!｣ Feigning Noris or whatever the guard’s name was’ voice, I called out to the room. I stood there for a while, and eventually I heard... ｢...I have told you that you are to turn away anyone going by the names of Kazuma, Aqua or Megumin should they arrive. Honestly, what is he doing at this... Honestly... Honestly...!｣ The quiet voice coming from the other side of the door sounded pained on the one hand, but also slightly happy. ｢But, Milady, this Kazuma fellow has said... He has said that if we do not permit him entrance, he shall disclose embarrassing secrets about Milady to the members of the Guild...｣ At that, an amused laugh came from the other side of the door. And then, ｢Fufu, he hasn’t changed one bit... Tell Kazuma he can do whatever he wants. I won’t be showing my face at the Adventurers’ Guild anymore anyway...｣ I heard her say, gloomily...... ｢But Milady, that man is currently in the entrance hall, imparting gossip to the servants. He is saying Milady’s abdominal muscles have gotten too defined of late, and that it weighs on Milady’s conscience such that we are to moderate the amount of protein in Milady’s meals.｣

88

There was a clatter from the other side of the door. ｢He has also said that Milady smiled ever so brightly when imagining herself in a cute one-piece dress, so he has advised us to prepare such garments for Milady.｣ Again, there was a clattering... as if something broke on the other side of the door. Then, I heard Darkness’ trembling voice coming from within. ｢T-Th-Th-Those... Those are all lies, falsehoods! Tell the staff not to believe a word he says!｣ ...... ｢However, he has said something even more unbelievable; may I be permitted to relay it?｣ ｢...Go ahead.｣ I took a deep breath. ｢He has said that Milady cannot contain the carnal desires within Milady’s ripe body, and that although a maiden, each night she...｣ Teary-eyed and red-faced, Darkness slammed the door open and jumped out. Then, her eyes met mine. ｢!!??????!??!??｣ Gasping and wide-eyed, Darkness’ mouth opened and closed but no words came out.

Storming in!

4 I covered Darkness’ mouth with one hand and forced my way into the room. Though her eyes were still wide and she was at a loss, Darkness grabbed my right arm with both hands. She then tried to pull it away, but...! ｢I’ve got Aqua’s support magic strengthening me, so you’ll have to do better than that!｣ I whispered into her ear, as I closed the door behind me and locked it with my other hand. Hearing the click of the door locking, for some reason, a jolt ran through Darkness for a moment. Still covering her mouth with my right hand to keep her from raising her voice, I seized Darkness’ right wrist with my other hand and gave the room a quick check. She must have been sleeping until now, so there wasn’t any light in the room. It was just the starlight coming from the window illuminating both our faces. I was planning on keeping her subdued and having a chat like that, but I didn’t plan on pushing her down to the floor... Then, I caught sight of a large bed behind Darkness. Putting strength into my arm holding her, I hoisted Darkness up. 89

｢!?｣ I don’t think she ever imagined someone as weak as me being able to lift her up with one hand. Maybe she just really wanted Darkness back, but for some reason Aqua’s buffing is especially strong today. In the same move I lifted Darkness up, I pushed her down onto the bed. With a soft pomf, Darkness’ body sank into the bed. Being careful not to let myself get kicked, I wormed my body in between Darkness’ legs and held her down firmly. All right, finally, we can talk without her struggling...? ...Darkness loosened her grip on me, and let her body relax on top of the bed. Eventually hints of tears welled in the corners of her moistened eyes. Under the faint starlight, I could just about make out that her face was flushed. Since my hand was covering her mouth, her panting breaths slipped through the palm of my hand...... Wait a minute!? What’s going on here? Is it just me or is this kind of bad? Oi, put up more of a fight! Actually wait, don’t! With Aqua’s hardcore support magic on me, I don’t think I could get overpowered by Darkness. But if she resigns herself and takes on this defenceless position that’s going to cause all sorts of problems...! In the dark, quiet room, I whispered softly: ｢O-Oi, Darkness, don’t get the wrong idea, okay? I know this is a really weird situation right now, but, you know. I came here because I wanted to ask you some things. I’m not here for yobai6 so don’t misunderstand... O-Oi! Don’t close your eyes like you’ve given up! Stop that! You’re only making things worse! Stop! This is bad, this is dangerous!｣ As for what exactly is in danger, that would be me. If I tell them that I snuck in to ask what was going on, but Darkness was just too hot so I just went with the flow and crossed that line, they’re probably going to put me through an explosion magic plus resurrection combo until they’re satisfied. Still holding my hand over her mouth, I started trembling. ｢Oi, listen to me! I came here to ask you what’s going on! Got it? I’m going to take my hand off so don’t scream, okay? I’m just here to talk, okay?｣ At my frantic appeal, Darkness opened her eyes slightly and nodded.

6 Sneaking into a woman’s bedroom at night to have sex. 90

Thank god... That got me more nervous and sweaty than any fight against an enemy. ｢Okay, then, hand is coming off. No screaming, now.｣ Seeing Darkness nod, I prepared myself to cover her mouth again right away if she did start shouting, and pulled my hand away. When I uncovered her mouth, Darkness bashfully pointed her face sideways, away from me. ｢Um... Kazuma, could you please look away too? Looking at each other and talking in this pose, and at this distance would be, um...｣ At that, I quickly turned my face in the opposite direction. ｢O-Oh, yeah, you’re right. S-Sorry. About this whole thing! ...But still, you know, why did you send that letter...｣ Then, as I let my guard down, just as I started speaking; ｢INTRUDEEEEEER! HE’S TRYING TO RA-... Mngh...!｣ Wh-, you’ve done it now, you bitch! Why the fuck did I let my guard down goddamn it!? Even though I covered Darkness’ mouth as fast as I could it was too late, and I heard a clamour coming from the hall. It was the sound of footsteps rushing this way. Shit shit shit SHIT SHIT WHAT DO I DO!? From below, with her mouth covered, Darkness looked at me with a triumphant, provoking look in her eyes. And those eyes were clearly laughing at me. YOU BITCH! ｢What happened, Milady!? I shall open the door, please excuse me!｣ With that voice, the lock on the door started rattling...! Damn it, I can’t stand that smug look on her face! But, don’t think I’m going to let it end so easily...! ｢Don’t open that door! I cannot allow myself to be seen right now! I’m sorry, I was merely playing an intense game and I accidentally let my voice out!｣ Hearing my voice, Darkness’ eyes opened wide. That’s right, it was her voice. ｢I... see... But still, we must make certain that you are safe, Milady... And, playing games at such an hour...｣ The servant outside was suspicious. He would be, of course. It could be that she was being threatened by an intruder. ｢It is an intense game enjoyed by adults in their own company. Do not embarrass me by making me say it.｣ ｢Mila-...!?｣ 91

The voice outside the door sounded shocked. At the same time, Darkness used her free hands to grab my right arm. ｢What, do you wish to use that excuse to see me in an unsightly state, you perveEEEIIII!?｣ Giving me a bone-chilling glare through her teary eyes, she wringed my right arm as if trying to crush it. Since the pain made my voice shrill, the man outside the door again called out in a panic when he heard it. ｢W-What has happened!?｣ As I endured the pain of having my right arm crushed; ｢I-It is nothing! I merely forgot to turn off my very indecent magical tooOOOOOY! AAAAAH, IT-IT’S GOING TO BREAK! I’M GOING CRAZY! AH, NO MORE! ANY MORE AND I’M GOING TO BREEAAAAKK!｣ ｢P-Please excuse me! W-W-We shall take our leave now!!｣ The sound of hurried footsteps came from outside the door. It seems like a whole bunch of people gathered when they heard Darkness scream, but, whatever may have been explained to them, I eventually felt them going away. Somehow managing to endure the pain in my arm, I looked towards the quivering Darkness and put on a smirk. 5 Darkness poked my hand holding her mouth covered with her finger. She’s probably trying to say ‘I won’t scream anymore, you can let go now’. I brought my hand away, and she let out a sigh. Looking at my arm, there was a blue hand-shaped mark where Darkness had clenched it. If I didn’t have Aqua’s defence increasing buff, she would’ve probably seriously broken it. Darkness, with a disgusted expression: ｢...Honestly, you are still every bit as mad as you were before. Because of you, everyone in the house will call me the perverted young lady behind my back from now... Mmn...!?｣ She only got so far before a quiver ran through her body. ｢You just thought that wouldn’t be so bad, didn’t you?｣ ｢I did not.｣ ｢You did.｣ Even now, she’s...

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｢So, what the hell is going on? What do you mean you’re leaving the party? Those two are worried about you too, you know. At least explain what’s going on. We’re...｣ ‘Comrades, aren’t we?’ I was about to say, but I felt embarrassed to say such a clichéd line with a straight face. Darkness must have seen through me, and giggled. ｢You are my treasured comrades, and that is exactly why I can’t tell you. ...Well, it’s nothing, really; just family circumstances. My family owes that lord a debt. My father has been repaying it gradually, but... The truth is, my father’s health has been deteriorating lately. And that lord has gotten impatient. I began to question if my father could pay him back in his lifetime... So, if I marry him, the debt will be overlooked. That’s all there is to it.｣ What the hell. ｢Your family borrowed money from that guy? I mean, wasn’t your daddy a bigshot in the kingdom? Couldn’t you have asked ask His Majesty for help? Instead, you...｣ I was at a loss for words. This is almost like... ｢That’s right, I’m the collateral. ...It isn’t uncommon amongst noble families, really. A noble daughter marrying into another family. That’s all it is.｣ Darkness said that as if it was nothing. Looking at my expression, she said: ｢Don’t make that face, Kazuma. You know what my taste in men is like, don’t you? That lord is probably desperate to make me his. He’s set the date for the wedding as soon as possible, and is disregarding all sorts of formalities to speed things along. That wheezing pig of a man will probably be too eager to wait for the first night and will just force me down in the dressing room. Fufu, I bet he’ll ravage my body for days on end without stopping to eat or drink. It’s so exciting...!｣ She gave a soft laugh, as if trying to play it off as a joke. ...That makes me want to ask her why she looks so sad, then. ｢So that’s why you wanted us to defeat that hydra so badly. ...Uh, I guess gathering all those people didn’t really help at all, did it... How much is that debt anyway? I could put up the-｣ ｢Don’t even say it, Kazuma. I am a noble. I would sooner sell myself than make the people I am supposed to protect use the money they earned by risking their lives to pay my debt. ...Besides, even your fortune wouldn’t be enough.｣ Cutting me off partway, Darkness looked straight at me. Straddling her as I was, under the starlight, I took another look at the face I hadn’t seen for so long.

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Her angelic, strong-willed blue eyes were locked onto me. The golden strands of her hair were sprawled out on the bed, giving off a soft glimmer as the light of the stars reflected off them. From having struggled when I was covering her mouth, she was still panting slightly and beads of sweat ran down her cheek. With each heavy breath, her bust, covered by the thin nightgown, left its strong impression as it went up and down. And, because of her tussle with me, the hem of her negligee had rolled up to her shoulders, and her whole body was left with a faint, burning glow—

94

95

Immediately, I began reciting the Clear Mind spell in my head.

«Mom lying half-naked in the living room...» «Excited to find a pair of mysterious underwear, only to find out it was grandma’s...» «Dust’s ass in red panties—!» «I pray, grant my heart a moment of serenity!!» The spell succeeded, and I became almost shockingly calm. Okay, I’m good. I’m more than ready to handle this now. As I gathered my composure; Looking up at me intently, with a gentle smile, Darkness whispered: ｢...If I’m to surrender and have it stolen by that lord... Say, Kazuma. Wouldn’t you rather the two of us become adults right now...?｣ I think my buff from earlier got dispelled somehow. Calm down, Satou Kazuma. Think about this. Darkness is only saying that because she’s planning to get married off. She’s given up, and thinks you’re never going to see each other again. You’re not going to just let it end like this, are you? That’s right, I’m definitely not going to let Darkness get delivered into the hands of someone like that. If that’s the case, crossing that line here and now would make things awkward. What, do you want to become lovers? Is that it? Snap out of it, Satou Kazuma. Remember what you’re here for! As I was having a heated argument with myself, Darkness slowly grabbed my right hand. And brought it close to her body...! Of course, she didn’t have the courage to just make me grab her breasts, and was a bit torn about what to do with my hand. Seeing her uneasy face, after about two seconds of deliberation, I decided...!

I don’t care what happens afterwards; I’m going to live in the moment.

I placed my captive right hand softly on her abdomen, and Darkness trembled. She then slowly closed her eyes. I figured I had to say something appropriate, so as I gently ran my hand across Darkness’ white, soft stomach...!

｢...Your abs really are hard, huh.｣

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6 —Under the starlight, Darkness and I stood facing each other in the middle of the room. In front of me, Darkness assumed a fighting stance with clenched fists and bloodshot eyes, making me wonder what happened to the sensual development from earlier. ｢My bad, it was my bad! It just slipped out! I’m sorry, I just couldn’t stand the pressure!｣ ｢Even I get genuinely angry at times! You dog! Don’t think you will get off easily for toying with a woman’s heart! I’ll rip you to shreds!｣ ｢Ojousama, I implore you to refrain from using such vulgar language! ...What, so do you really love me? Then just say so!｣ ｢Who would love such an absolute cretin-!? You’ve really got me mad now! Also, don’t call me ojousama!｣ Darkness yelled as she came at me swinging her fists. With my speed and fortification buffs, I easily sidestepped her. The sound of people running could be heard from the hallway. Clearly, there’s no more fooling anyone with this much of a ruckus in the middle of the night. ｢Fufu, what now, Kazuma? My servants are on their way right now! If you’re found out, you’ll pay dearly. For sneaking into an unmarried noble lady’s bedroom, without my support your head will roll, or worse. Now, why don’t you start by grovelling at my feet!｣ Made even more furious by my dodging her attack, Darkness was more filled with rage than I’d ever seen her. Before long, I could sense a lot of people by the door, and there was a violent knock. ｢Milady! Milady, we’re opening the door!｣ Hearing the people at the door, Darkness opened her hands, took a grappling stance and lunged at me. Normally I would avoid it, but with Aqua’s hardcore buffs, I don’t think I can lose. I had to struggle to get here because she made us worried sick. I’m not about to bow my head! ｢Bring it on, you nothing but a sexy body and stamina and muscles Lewdsader! I’m going to love seeing you crying and crumbling to the floor after losing a battle of strength against the weakest Adventurer! You’re about to get a taste of what I showed I can do in the royal capital!｣ I replied, with Darkness’ voice, and locked hands with her as we began to wrestle. ｢S-Stop copying my voice!｣ ｢M-Milady!? Just what manner of game are you playing this time!?｣ the dumbfounded voice from outside the door asked.

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They must be confused since Darkness and I were exchanging words in the same voice. Then, the lock began to rattle. I turned only my face towards it, and...! ｢Rameee~ dhon’t open eeeht! Lalatina is nhekid! Dhooon’t loooook!｣ ｢Eeh!? D-Deepest apologies...!｣ At my impression, the sound of the lock being opened stopped for a moment. In that gap, I began using Drain Touch to suck stamina out of Darkness. But Darkness boasted a body an order of magnitude above the knights in the royal capital, and a simple draining didn’t as much as make her flinch. Strengthening her grip on my hands, Darkness blushed. ｢Don’t say ramee~ with my voice! Oi, just come inside! It’s an intruder! He’s using magic to copy my voice!｣ ｢Y-Yes, milady! Right away!｣ The sound of the door being unlocked started being heard again.

God DAMN IIIIIIIIT!

｢Hahahahaha! Looks like I win, Kazuma! I have had many quarrels with you, but I’m glad I was able to settle the score in the end!｣ Darkness said cockily, while enduring my drain. ‘In the end’ my ass! I’m not about to lose to you! I suddenly relaxed, and Darkness, who was leaning into me triumphantly, began to pitch forward. In that opening, I withdrew my left hand and thrust it at Darkness’ back. Without bothering to imitate her anymore, I shouted: ｢«FREEZE»!｣ ｢Nnaaah!?｣ Darkness shivered and let out a shriek as the ice magic suddenly hit her on the back. Trembling and blushing, Darkness began to fall to her knees, as I yanked on her right hand; ｢Milady!｣ I turned my right hand towards the door as it flung open. ｢«Create Earth»!｣ My trusty blinding elementary magic combo. Seeing the dirt appearing in my palm, Darkness figured it out and began to shout out a warning... ｢Everyone, cover your...!｣ ‘Eyes’, she meant to say, but before she could; 98

｢«WIND BREATH»!!｣ I cast the spell—! 7 I’m Kazuma. I’m an adventurer who came from Japan. My dream is to live an easy-going, laid-back life and not have to worry about money. With that commonplace dream, I’ve been living a peaceful, average life; ｢Did you find him!? He’s not in here either! Remember that he can use the Conceal skill, so search even the most unlikely places! Make absolutely sure he does not get away! In the name of house Dustiness, you will find that man and bring him before me!｣ ｢｢｢Understood, Milady!｣｣｣ And right now, I’m pondering just how I’m going to get away from a seriously pissed off Darkness. ｢KAZUMAAA! Where are you!? Be a good boy and come out and I’ll let you off with just ten full-power punches! If I have to find you myself, you won’t get off so easily!｣ The incredibly furious Darkness shouted out from right behind where I was hiding. As I heard her shout, I got low and started crawling down the hallway. Her blood is definitely boiling at this point. She won’t listen to reason anymore, so I’ll have to retreat for today. After all, she knows about Aqua’s resurrection, so if she catches me I might get killed off for good. In order to find a way out of the mansion, I tried entering one of the nearby rooms. Luckily, it wasn’t locked. Good, now I just need to escape out the window. With that thought in my head, I approached the window and... From the middle of the room, from the bed, I heard a very weak and soft voice.

｢...Is... someone there...?｣

It was Darkness’ old man. Even in that darkened room, I could tell his face was sunken and pale. ｢Aah, it’s you... What brings you here so late at night... Ah, I see. It seems my daughter is truly blessed with good comrades...｣ Darkness’ old man said, his shallow cheeks turning into a smile. Just from seeing me there late at night, the old man apparently figured out why I had come into the mansion. I guess they don’t call him the king’s right hand man for nothing.

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Still, he doesn’t look at all like how I remember him. The old man looked so lively before, but now he was struggling to put on a frail smile. Is there really a disease that can bring someone to this state in such a short time? There was the sound of people running through the hallway. ｢Sir, I know you’re not feeling well, but couldn’t you please try to convince your daughter to calm down?｣ At my words, the old man laughed from his bed. ｢I see. She must be quite angry indeed if it roused her from the gloom she has been in lately.｣ There’s nothing funny about this at all, sir. ...Right. ｢Sir, she told me your house owes that old lord a debt, but... I just can’t believe you would borrow money from that guy. I mean, it doesn’t look like you folks need to be borrowing money in the first place. Why would you put yourself in debt...｣ I asked the old man, doubtfully. I feel sorry bothering him when he’s clearly ill, but since Darkness wouldn’t explain the details to me, he’s the only one I can ask. ｢...Mn, Kazuma-kun. You are a smart lad. Perhaps I shall entrust my daughter to you after all. I’m sorry... Would you please take her, and run away somewhere...?｣ What’s he going on about? I asked him why he’s in debt, but for some reason now he’s telling me to elope with his daughter. ｢I’m sorry, but I’ll have to refuse. Strongly. I kind of had to run in here because your lovely daughter is hunting me. Can I just say, you’ve raised one graceful young lady.｣ ｢Ha, ha, isn’t she just? She is truly is gentle, and such a kind child. Such a pure and shy soul, and she hates nothing more than troubling others.｣ I’d like to ask him just who exactly he’s talking about, but I’ll shut up. He brushed aside my satirical remark, and instead actually began speaking proudly about his daughter. I don’t know what disease he’s suffering from, but I think it might have gotten to his brain. Though the old man’s body was frail, he still had a strong burning in his eyes as he looked straight at me. ｢Please don’t ask about the circumstances. The debt came about due to my daughter’s decision, but... No matter, if you run away with my daughter, I could sell this mansion and get a good sum for it. I am also doing whatever I can right now. This whole debt might just go away.｣ The whole debt might go away. Is he implying this debt is unjustified? Well, he’s a capable man, he can probably manage something.

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｢But still, my daughter is rushing to marry herself off. I would like nothing more than to stop her... Kazuma-kun, to my mind, my daughter holds no resentment for you. And, though I may have a father’s eye, I believe is a fair young lady. ...What do you say?｣ ｢What do I say? Your daughter was just telling me how she’s going to murder me earlier.｣ Anyway, that’s not important right now. ｢Sir, what are you suffering from? We have a brilliant... Well, brilliant at magic anyway, Archpriest in our party. She can even use Resurrection. I don’t know what you might be suffering from, but I can bring her over.｣ That deadbeat can at least make herself useful at times like these. But, at my suggestion, the old man just wore a faint smile. ｢...No, it’s no use. No restoration magic can cure disease. Not even Resurrection can bring those who die of illness back to life. Illness is a part of life. The miracles of the gods have no effect on those who die a natural death. Whatever the cause, dying peacefully and going to the gods as is proper should be rejoiced. ...You needn’t look so distraught.｣ My emotions must’ve shown on my face without telling the rest of me. ｢Won’t you at least let our Archpriest examine you? I just think that you falling ill now of all times is...｣ ｢You believe the lord has poisoned me,｣ the old man said, before I could finish. ...Exactly. After seeing how madly that lord lusts after Darkness, it’s probably a reasonable assumption to make. But... ｢I have already looked into it. Thoroughly. No poison was found.｣ ...Of course he did. He’s a capable noble. He’s probably already thought of everything I could come up with and more. ｢Still!? You still haven’t found him!? Kazuma, show yourself! And explain to everyone that you were copying my voice and clear up this misunderstanding!｣ Darkness’ voice came from the hallway. Hearing it, the old man smiled bitterly. ｢Please... Take care of her.｣ R-Really don’t want to, though... ｢Can’t you talk things over with the king, get it all sorted out? They say your name carries a lot of weight in the kingdom. If you say that that lord put you into debt unjustly...｣ At my words, the old man closed his eyes. He then softly shook his head.

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｢Even if I did, my daughter would still marry. I wonder who she takes after with her stubbornness... Even if I asked the king for money, no doubt she would object to using the people’s taxes for such a thing, and would still sell herself to pay off the debt. ...I truly don’t understand how I raised such an obstinate child.｣ You said it. Took the words right out of my mouth there. If you’re her father, you should do something about your block-headed daughter... Then, suddenly, the door flew open. There stood Darkness in an intimidating pose, panting and glaring at me. ｢Fufufu... So this is where you were, Kazuma. Hahaha! Now, how am I going to...!｣ ｢Oi there’s someone bedridden here, can you keep the noise down? Also calm down, I was worried about you, and came here after talking to everyone...!｣ Darkness’ eyes were fixed on me with rage, and she wasn’t keen on hearing me out. ｢Oh, SHUT UP! Someone who is worried about me wouldn’t make my reputation sink so low in such a short time...! This is a matter between nobles. The likes of you have no business poking their noses into these muddy affairs; you should be at home pinching your pennies and building your dubious items like a good commoner!｣ This bitch! ｢Who cares about the goddamn debt! Just forget about it and let’s run away! We can all start over somewhere else, together! Do you even understand what’s going to happen!? If I just waltz on home without doing anything, what do you think those two are going to say!? Especially Megumin! You know she’s going to do something stupid! You might find yourself without a chapel on your wedding day!｣ ｢Just try it! I’ll have you tried as the culprit behind it all! I’d advise you to keep those two in check! I will not run away! And even I did, where would I go!? ...And it’s not like that would...!｣ As she spoke, Darkness charged at me. It looks like she’s trying to settle the score before she gets married! Shit, I’m going to get killed! I turned on my heels, and began running towards the window. ｢You stupid, stubborn woman! Fine, suit yourself! Don’t come crying to me afterwards!｣ Leaving those words, I launched a dropkick towards the window...! ｢If you want my help, drop by the mansion any time! Say ‘I’m sorry for making you worry, Kazuma-sama, but I need your hel-’... GUHAH!?｣ The glass on the window proved unexpectedly sturdy, refusing to break from a single kick, and I instead crashed into it. Ramming my entire body into it did persuade the window to shatter, and I awkwardly fell to the ground along with the shards of broken glass.

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Though it was only from the second floor, landing shoulder-first and with nothing to break my fall left me rolling around on the ground in pain for a while. Darkness rushed to the window and looked down at me: ｢A-Are you alright, Kazuma-sama!? I won’t have you treated if you don’t say ‘I’m sorry, Dustiness-sama, please help me’!｣ she said, shoulders trembling, trying desperately to hold her laughter. I gave my pain-stricken body a spur and, in order to get away from the guards rushing over after hearing all the noise, lifted myself up the iron fence...! ｢D-Damn you, Darkness! I swear I’m not going to help you until you come crying back, you hear me!? Damn it, stay away! «Create Water»! «Freeze»!｣ As Darkness was watching me in hysterics, I spat out a parting line. Slowing down the guards chasing after me, I escaped the manor and went home. 8 ｢Hnghghghghg...! Aquaaaa! AQUAAAAA!! Healing, please! HEALING, PLEASE!!｣ Finally having made my way to the mansion, I approached Aqua, who was dozing off on the living room sofa with her egg in her arms. Probably finding it difficult to face Aqua and Megumin, Darkness didn’t chase me all the way to the mansion. ｢...Fuwaah? ...Wh-, Kazuma, what happened, you’re a mess! Did you find Darkness? How did you get so beat-up? Did you say something stupid again?｣ Firing off a barrage of questions, Aqua healed me. Why the hell does she seem a little happy to see me so beat-up? Because of the ruckus, Megumin, who was also sleeping on the sofa, woke up. ｢Kazuma, welcome back. What happened? Did you pick the wrong thing to say again? Were you able to convince Darkness?｣ I wish I knew what kind of impression these two had of me. Aqua’s healing fixed my wounds, but somehow I still felt a strong aching deep in my chest. Still fuming, I headed towards my own room upstairs. ｢Forget her! Leave her be until she comes crying to us! I’m done, it’s not my problem anymore!｣ Seeing my sulky attitude, Aqua and Megumin looked at each other. ｢Awww... But Darkness promised me she’d help me build a kennel for this little guy when he’s born...｣ Aqua moaned unhappily, as her gaze fell to the egg in her arms. Then: ｢Kazuma, I do not know what happened, but is this really the time to be sulking? Did you at least find out why Darkness has to get married?｣ Megumin asked towards my back, as I was heading up to the second floor. I stopped where I was.

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｢It’s debt. Her family’s gotten into some massive debt! She said it would be compensated if she marries that lord!｣ ｢Uu... Money, is it? I may not know how much they owe, but I have already sent money back to my family, so I do not have much to spend...｣ Megumin said, letting out a troubled sigh as she peered into her wallet filled to the brim with coupons and point cards. ｢Jeez, fine. If it’s money we need, I’ll break my very special piggy bank,｣ Aqua, cradling her egg, offered her moronic suggestion. I have no idea how much she owes, but it must be enough for even greater nobility like Darkness to offer up her own body. Megumin and Aqua’s pocket money would be like a drop of water on a heated stone. I turned my back on them, and headed for my room. ｢She’s made her decision, so let her live with it! I won’t lift a finger to help her until she comes crying and begging!｣ Then, Megumin said to me: ｢Kazuma, are you really just going to sulk right now!? Darkness is going to get married! Are you fine with that!?｣

Go ask that blockhead that!

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Chapter 5: Blessings upon this Bride!

1 The town has been celebrating for several days. Despite being known as a miser, that lord spent quite a bit of money to announce his wedding in a grand way and to create a festive mood. It was almost like he was quickly trying to cut off Darkness’ angles of retreat, so she couldn’t have a sudden change of heart. The day the wedding would be held was decided, and already announced. The lord really seemed very eager to get it done as soon as possible, as he blew off anything that would delay the wedding and set the ceremony to be held in one week’s time. I bet even right now he’s snorting like an excited pig anticipating the day when he can marry Darkness. ｢Kazuma. I will ask you again; are you really fine with letting this happen? Are you? Are you!?｣ As I was working busily on various prototypes in the living room, Megumin pressed me. By mixing the sap of a plant called a Tar Plant and Slime digestive fluid, I was hard at work coming up with a new product. By combing those two substances, I could create a partially-dry plastic-like material. Without stopping my work: ｢How many times do I have to tell you? As long as she’s so stubborn and set in her ways, there’s nothing we can do. We still have a week, so if she comes crying back we’ll figure something out. But if she doesn’t, it’s not my problem.｣ As I spoke, I used a small syringe to inject air into the plastic-like substance. This is a laborious process. I’m sure there must be some better, simpler way to mass-produce this stuff, but since I’m just making this as a prototype for testing, I’ll put up with it for now. Not involving herself in the slightest in my and Megumin’s exchange, Aqua sat next to me on the sofa, cradling her egg, singing to it and living life at her own pace. It annoyed me to no end, but I welcomed it over having her interfere with my manufacturing. Still, her needlessly beautiful singing voice made me angry for some reason. ...Then, Megumin picked up my prototype. ｢You should be spending your time thinking about it instead of making these things! I refuse to accept this! If we end up being invited to the wedding, then I have a plan of my own!｣ she said, as she clenched her hand around my invention.

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｢Oi, get those violent ideas out of your head. If you do something reckless, that’s going to be a problem for Darkness too, you know. She asked me to stop you and Aqua from doing anything stupid. ...Alright, give that back. I’ve had to work on it since morning to get it like that.｣ As I tried to calm the furious Megumin, I stuck out one hand and asked her to return it. ｢...What is this?｣ Megumin held it and inspected it carefully. ｢It’s a prototype of something from my country called bubble wrap. The material and the manufacture method are different so the feeling isn’t quite right yet, but I think it turned out decently enough.｣ At my explanation: ｢...What is it used for?｣ Megumin asked, tilting her head. ｢You pop it. The bubbles, I mean. You just pop the bubbles and it soothes you.｣ ｢...... Is that it?｣ ｢That’s it.｣ ...... Megumin took the bubble wrap I had spent ages making and wrung it like a damp house cloth. ｢NAAAAAAAAAAAH!!｣ ｢AAAAAAAAAAAAA!?｣ Megumin shouted as she twisted the bubble wrap, and I unwittingly screamed. Megumin let out a satisfied sigh and tossed the mangled ex-bubble wrap back to me. ｢...It certainly is soothing. That felt pretty good.｣ As Megumin walked outside briskly, I fell to my knees. A-All those hours of work...! Next to me, making me wonder if she paid attention to the entire scene that took place, Aqua sang: ｢Zu~i zu~i zukkorobashi, gommamisso zui~7｣ ｢SHUT UP!｣ I found myself yelling, filled with self-loathing...... Argh, damn it! What am I taking it out on Aqua for? Why am I so pissed off in the first place!?

7 A traditional nursery rhyme with an associated counting game similar to one potato, two potato, where the players put both hands forward with their fingers together, leave a hole at the top, while the player singing uses one hand to stick a finger in each player’s hand to the rhythm of the song, simulating crushing sesame seeds for making miso. 106

2 —Six days until Darkness’ wedding.

｢Excuse me, is Satou Kazuma-sama in at the moment?｣ While I had shut myself into the mansion, an aging steward came to visit. ｢Who is it? ...Oh, don’t I know you from somewhere?｣ Yes, I think this guy used to work as a steward at Darkness’ place. ｢We have been acquainted once before, yes. I am the head steward in the Dustiness’ family’s employ, Häagen is my name. I have come to beseech something of you, Satou-sama...｣ He wants my help? Could it be that Darkness finally cracked and she’s come asking to be saved? As I got my faint hopes up, the steward who introduced himself as Häagen bowed his head. ｢The truth is, sir, my master’s post box has been receiving such letters each day,｣ he said, as he handed me a letter. I opened it and ran my eyes across it... ｢I’m so sorry! I’ll make sure to scold that idiot so that she never does it again!｣ ｢N-No, not at all, I merely wished to speak to you before such letters would be posted to our lord and truly become a problem.｣ I crumpled up the letter and performed a vigorous dogeza in front of Häagen. His business concluded, I saw Häagen off as he left the mansion, before taking another look at the crumpled up letter. «For the attention of House Dustiness. I have been informed by reliable sources that in the near future, a general of the Demon King is to be dispatched to the town of Axel on a terrorist mission against the church of Eris. The day of the planned terrorist attack is the day of the wedding ceremony. If the wedding is not suspended immediately, the chapel where it is scheduled to be held will be targeted by an explosion magic attack. Please, take this warning to heart... Signed, a concerned wizard.» ｢MEGUMIIIIIIIN! Open the door, we need to have a little talk!!｣ With the threatening letter in my hand, I stormed to Megumin’s room.

—Four days until Darkness’ wedding.

｢And now, for my next trick! Watch, as from this bag, a Rookie Slayer larger than the bag itself will jump out!｣ ｢Like hell it will! What do you think you’re doing!? Come with me!｣ In front of the Dustiness manor, I grabbed Aqua as she was performing her absurd tricks in the middle of a crowd of people.

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｢Hey, what are you doing, Kazuma!? Let go of me! I even went through all the trouble to post a request at the Adventurers’ Guild to catch a Rookie Slayer, you know! And look at all these people!! Don’t you see how many people are here to watch my performance?｣ ｢That’s why they called me over, to stop you from causing a scene in front of their house! What the hell are you even doing here!?｣ Aqua had gathered a lot of onlookers, many of whom were throwing gifts at her. ｢Ah, no offerings, please, since I’m not a performer, I can’t accept. ...Kazuma, listen, this is my plan to lure Darkness out of the house.｣ After politely turning down the offerings, Aqua whispered to me. Don’t tell me... ｢So, you’re performing tricks out here to fascinate Darkness out, are you?｣ ｢Exactly! You know the story of Ama no Iwato, don’t you? The one where the sulky goddess shut herself into a cave and they threw a fun party outside to make her poke her head out and then fall into a trap so they can drag her out.｣ ｢I do know the story, but are all the gods all over the world such big party lovers? Not all goddesses are like you, are they?｣ Not bothering to pay attention to my retort, Aqua pointed her bag towards Darkness’ manor. ｢I’ve seen the curtains in that room move for a while now. I’m sure curiosity got the better of Darkness and she’s sneaking glances out here. Heeeey! Darkness, you’re listening, aren’t you!? Come out alreadyyyyy! If you don’t come look now, you’re going to miss it! I’m going to do a really special one right now! ...Ah- Hey, Kazuma, what are you doing, let go!｣ ｢I told you not to do that in front of her house! All the complaints are coming back to me! Come on, we’re leaving!｣ ｢I don’t wanna! I’m gonna sit here and do tricks every day until Darkness comes out! If you want to stop me, well, go away! Come on, just go away!!｣ By the time I had dragged an especially disobedient Aqua back home, the sun had already set.

—Two days until Darkness’ wedding.

｢I have returned...｣ ｢Welcome back. No more stupid stuff, okay?｣ Megumin shambled into the entrance hall. Since she didn’t listen to my preaching, for the crime of sending threatening letters to the lord, she had been kept under arrest until now.

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｢One of Darkness’ people came to vouch for me and I got acquitted as a special case...｣ ｢If you want to save Darkness you shouldn’t be having Darkness save you. I know how you feel, but let’s start being grownups about this, alright? You and Aqua have been nothing but trouble again,｣ I warned Megumin, as I was making progress on developing new products just like the days before. As it turns out, Aqua went to Darkness’ place again today. Apparently stalls have started being set up in front of her manor, and it’s become somewhat of a local attraction. ｢It seems Aqua and I cannot do anything on our own after all. Kazuma, will you not please finally agree to help us stop the wedding?｣ Megumin staggered and collapsed on the sofa, and although she was limp with exhaustion, she still made that proposal. ｢...Only if Darkness asks for our help.｣ At those words, Megumin jumped to her feet. ｢You brute! Even if people in town call you Kuzuma or Gesuma, I always thought you were someone who would help his friends when they were in trouble and would man up when he needed to!｣ she came snarling at me, as I was fiddling with my new invention. ｢Say, you wouldn’t happen to know the names of the people calling me that, would you? I really think it’s about time I got back at them.｣ Megumin flopped back onto the sofa. ｢At a time like this, the one I love is someone who would look reluctant and grumble but still say something like «I guess I’d better~» and find a way. He would not be someone who just sulked endlessly.｣ ｢S-Stop that! Look, if you think you can get me to help by just saying some offhanded things about love you’re gravely mistaken. I’m not that easy.｣ Trying to hide the fact that I was slightly nervous by her suddenly blurting that out, and in order to placate Megumin, I pointed at my new, unfinished creation. ｢Now why don’t you stop being so grumpy and try this out? It’s called a punching bag, and you use it to relieve stress. And it’s made out of real leather, even. Though, that’s just because I didn’t have anything else to make it out of.｣ In order to calm Megumin down, I pointed at the floor-mounted punching bag, filled with sand and covered in stitched leather. When she heard it relieved stress, Megumin began to show some interest. ｢How do you use this?｣ ｢It’s simple. You just attack it. You can punch it, you can kick it. Oh, but no magic, all right? Though I think that much should be obvious,｣ I said jokingly, as I decided to take a short break from working and went to the kitchen to pour myself some tea...

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｢NUWAAAAAAAAAAAAH!｣ ｢!?｣ Hearing Megumin’s battle cry, I got a bad feeling and went back. ｢Phew... That made me feel slightly better. Sorry, but could you please make another?｣ ｢Why would you use a knife!? I told you to punch it or to kick it!｣ Megumin stood there holding my knife, having turned my punching bag into rubbish, and looking ever so slightly satisfied.

3 —Partly out of stubbornness and determined to not let Darkness’ absence affect my life, I continued to spend my days developing new products. And eventually, the day finally came. Darkness’ wedding is today. In the end, she hasn’t come to ask for our help. ｢Kazuma, we are going! We are going to crash that ridiculous wedding! ...Fufufu, careless use of magic makes wedding chapels and lords’ manors blow up all the time, you know?｣ ｢Oi don’t, seriously, don’t. Forget about debts, this time we’d really end up wanted criminals.｣ I was sorting through the things I has been making on the living room table, in preparation for a business meeting with Vanir. I’ve been spending all this time coming up with all sorts of things, but the well is about to run dry. There are limits to my knowledge after all. I’ve thought up all sorts of blueprints for commodities and effective ways of producing them. Even if I didn’t know the exact details, I drew upon as much of the basic knowledge I had as an average Japanese to write down what I could about things like farming and whatnot. Darkness’ wedding was apparently going to start at noon, but I had no plans to attend it. Since she hasn’t come asking for our help, I don’t want to impose any further. I’m being pointlessly stubborn. I know that much, but still... As Megumin looked at me with frustration, she gripped her staff and spoke harshly: ｢The one I love is not someone who would just sit there and rot! Kazuma! Unless we do something, that lord is going to marry Darkness! Is that really what you want!? Are you fine with letting him to have his way with her!?｣ ｢OF COURSE I’M BLOODY NOT!｣ 110

Despite myself, I shouted back at Megumin. Startled by my sudden outburst, Megumin winced slightly and stood in place. ｢Of course I’m not, I don’t want this either; letting that guy take Darkness away! It’s not that he’s just ugly, but everyone knows he’s filth on the inside too! Not that you’d know anything about it! I found out that old creep is the kind who’d use whatever means to get his hands on any cute or nice girl who catches his eye, and then toss her away with a bit of money as compensation once he gets bored! The worst part is no matter what he does, no matter how depraved he gets, for some reason nobody can get any definite proof of how much of a slimy bastard he is!｣ Hearing that, Megumin hung her head despondently. ｢I am sorry. I did not know you investigated him...｣ I did look into it, and that lord turned out to be even nastier than the rumours claimed. Even to an amateur investigator like me, there was no end to the stories I heard about him. Exploitation, bribery. And yet, mysteriously, no evidence for any of it. The women he abused keep quiet about it, and without any evidence of his evil deeds, the officials’ hands are tied when it comes to that old man. That kind of evidence was what Darkness’ father was trying to obtain. And that was why he was sent here; to keep an eye on the lord. Megumin gripped her staff tightly. ｢Then, that is all the more reason we cannot let this happen, is it not? Surely you must have thought of some ridiculous scheme, Kazuma? Will you not do something to help out your bungling party, like you always do?｣ ...Ridiculous scheme, she says. What kind of impression does she have of me? ｢This is one time where I can’t do anything. Firstly, Darkness won’t tell me so I don’t know how much she owes. Secondly, even if I can come up with the money, I still can’t change Darkness’ mind. That bonehead would never accept my money anyway. And lastly...｣ Megumin tilted her head. ｢Lastly?｣ ｢This is a marriage between nobles. Security is going to be tight, so it’s not going to be possible for us to do anything from the outside at this point. ...In fact, that’s the reason I’ve been waiting for Darkness to come ask us for help. After I broke into her mansion once, they reinforced the security so that I wouldn’t be able to do it again.｣ I haven’t paid much attention to it before, but now I felt the difference in social status more than ever. Without saying anything else, I turned my back on Megumin, not willing to meet her gaze any more.

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Right now, my back must be communicating the kind of sorrow a man who’s had his love stolen away from him feels. ｢Darkness’ father is sick, so even if I tried to meet with him I’d get turned away. ...I don’t have any ties to nobility to get myself invited to the wedding. ...I’m just a commoner, after all.｣ I thought about the one connection I had made in the royal capital, but even if I called on Iris for help, she probably couldn’t do anything as long as both parties were in favour of the wedding. We had fundamentally different lives. In fact, considering how different the worlds we live in are, having been able to go on adventures with Darkness like we have is almost like a miracle. I said those things, with a hint of defeat... ｢...I understand. Now I understand that you investigated that man, and that you were trying to do something about it all along. That is all I could have asked for.｣ As Megumin peered into my discontented face, she smiled and sounded almost relieved as she spoke. ｢I will think about it myself, and choose the path that will leave me without regrets. I hope that you can do the same...｣ with an unusually serious tone, Megumin said something almost like what an actual, proper wizard would say, making me wonder if she had eaten something bad and wasn’t feeling herself. As I was left in awe, Megumin quickly left the mansion. ...Should I try to stop her? No, it’s probably too late. Seeing Megumin leave, I stood by myself in that large mansion. Unusually, Aqua has a visitor over. She’s talking to her guest in her room on the second floor. She said something about an urgent request, but somehow I’m not in the mood to help her out right now. Usually, when we had nothing to do, we would all just end up coming together in this living room and lazing about. Being there by myself, the mansion felt so much bigger and emptier than before, and I felt so terribly lonely. ...It can’t be helped. Going on adventures with a noble ojousama was unheard of even when I was in Japan. Nobody’s luck is that good. This is reality. I sat on the sofa, by myself, and let out a deep sigh. Then, piercing the gloomy mood, the front door slammed open. And the one who appeared was—

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｢Always a pleasure! Turn not to the unreliable goddess for guidance, for the clairvoyant demon is here to save the day. May my arrival be joyously celebrated with tearful, exuberant dance and frolic. Now, allow me to cast mine eyes upon the many fruits born of your wisdom!｣ 4 ｢Oi, bring the hot shopkeeper with you! Change, I want a change! Why should I have to talk business with you when I’m the middle of my apathetic mood here!? I’m asking for a substitute; bring the gorgeous shopkeeper out! Wiz! I want Wiz!｣ I protested, sitting at the living room table across from Vanir. ｢That girl must now be in tears for having been made to work the counter while still wishing for a moment longer of rest. Satisfyingly, it has had the unforeseen effect of customers saying «The shopkeeper is cute when she’s crying» and «She’s crying tears of joy because business is so good! I’ll buy more stuff» et cetera. Furthermore, wouldst thou believe that debt-producing machine capable of carrying out an effective business negotiation? Why, just the other day I mercifully indulged her with a brief respite, yet no sooner had she escaped my sight than she stocked these pendants. ‘They will sell to adventurer couples!’ she would claim,｣ Vanir said, as he showed me a pendant. ｢What kind of pendant is that?｣ ｢Should one wear it, when struck down by a fatal injury, in the wearer’s final moments the pendant will explode. «With my last breath, I will protect my beloved...» is the concept driving it, you see. Quite romantic, is it not? She was very much delighted by it; however, its destructive power is so immense that it would blow not only the foe to cinders, but one’s so-called beloved as well. Truly the shopkeeper’s sense of judgment baffles the mind. Would you care for one?｣ ｢...N-No thanks. ...Anyway, what do you mean you’re ‘here to save the day’?｣ Vanir didn’t answer my question: ｢That comes later. First, you are to bring out your goods with all haste. My astute eye of judgement shall discern a fair and justified price for each. ...Though, I have already come prepared with the exact sum that will satisfy you,｣ he said, giving a small black bag a tap. How very efficient of you, clairvoyant demon-san. ｢Are you really sure I’m going to accept that offer? This is the last of what I can make with the knowledge I have. I’m not going to let these go for cheap, you know.｣ Besides, if it’s too late to save Darkness, there isn’t much point in selling them now. However, Vanir spoke all too knowingly: ｢Lad who burns with desire to save the armour-clad girl yet hesitates out of fear of her rejection, clairvoyant demon Vanir proclaims with certainty: you shall exchange all the rights to your intellectual property for the contents of this bag.｣ ...Clairvoyant demon-san, you really are a nuisance.

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Vanir took my blueprints, prototypes and all manner of certificates of ownership and began stuffing them into a large sack without giving them much of an inspection. I bet he doesn’t even need to look at them. Also, I’m pretty sure I haven’t said I’d sell them yet...... Clairvoyant demon, huh. ｢Say, Vanir. You can find out all sorts of things, can’t you?｣ I asked Vanir in a gossipy tone, as he busily crammed his bag full of documents. He continued his work without even looking at me. ｢Umu. I cannot claim to be all-seeing, but I certainly am able to see through to the truth of most matters. To give an example, I am aware of what you mean to ask me next, of course. Why does the armour-clad girl you concern yourself with owe the lord of these lands such a vast debt? Is there not a way to save her? How come that lord is capable of committing such brazen wrongdoings yet leaves not a single shred of evidence to attest?｣ I gulped. ｢...You know, if you’re a demon-｣ ｢If I am a demon, why am I so cooperative towards you? Am I perchance plotting something? ...and so on and so forth. Why, I am plotting, naturally. For indeed I am demon. However, you could say that your interests and mine happen to be aligned in this particular case. That is why I oblige you. Indeed, in order to purchase all the rights to some rather valuable commodities you have been sitting on for a certain rainy day, to give an example.｣ Vanir stopped working, and turned to me with an evil smirk. ...Urgh, what a bastard. ｢Your little scheme won’t get very far if I never agree to sell those. If you really know what I want to ask you, stop acting high-and-mighty and just tell me already.｣ ｢Very well, very well. Now then, I shall teach you just what it is you desire to know! Indeed, what colour our beloved shopkeeper’s undergarments are on this day! Fuhahahaha, I jest... Oya? I do not sense the delicious ill emotion I crave.｣ ｢I’ll hold you to that for later.｣ ｢I-I see... Then, I shall teach you what you truly desire to know. Were you to ask why that girl is indebted, well...｣

｢«Sacred Exorcism»!｣

Aqua’s voice suddenly interrupted Vanir. At the same time, a pillar of light enveloped him. Eventually the light faded, and all that was left was Vanir’s mask, which fell to the floor.

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｢Wh- Vanir! You’re an archdemon, aren’t you!? Come on, you’re better than this! Don’t let some toilet goddess’ attack finish you off! Pull it together, man!｣ ｢Aah!? I take my eyes off him for one second and Kazuma gets himself brainwashed by a demon!? Hey, why are you taking his side!? Also, I’m the Goddess of water!｣ She must’ve seen Vanir as she came down the stairs and cast her magic. Aqua was in her magic-casting pose as she shouted. Every time with this girl! She really just does the stupidest things at the worst possible time, this girl! Behind Aqua was a familiar-looking aging man. He was Darkness’ family steward, who had been coming to me with complaints every day recently. I don’t know what business he had with Aqua, but the old man, Häagen, I think his name was, was staring wide-eyed at the scene. Then, in front of me, Vanir’s body began sprouting back up under his mask. ...Must be convenient to come back wearing clothes and everything... Or wait, maybe it’s because his clothes are part of his body, and that’s why Aqua can vanish him clothes and all. ｢Fuhahahaha, a well-executed surprise attack from you, ruffian goddess! Why, you would make a fine demon yourself! Behold, you have left a magnificent crack in my rather fetching mask!｣ ｢Oh please~ You demons already have plenty of friends among the insects~! Do you have to personally apologise to every bug you kill when doing pest control? Sounds pretty dumb to me! Puu~ksuksu!｣ The two glared at each other as the atmosphere grew more and more violent, and I rushed to get between them. ｢Oi that’s enough, pack it in, save it for another day! Aqua, I need to listen to what Vanir has to say right now, so don’t get in the way!｣ At my words, Aqua reluctantly backed off. Behind her, Häagen must have sensed the danger in the air. ｢E-Erm... I do not wish to intrude, so... Archpriest-sama, we shall begin at noon, so we hope you can attend then. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I must be going...｣ he said, as squeezed past Aqua and Vanir facing each other and hurriedly left the house. I’d like to know what he needed to talk to Aqua about, but I need to hear what Vanir has to say first. Vanir looked at Aqua and his lips curled into a triumphant smile. ｢Fuhahaha, now, inept goddess who was of no use at all in this episode, feel free to sink your teeth into a handkerchief with anguish as I demonstrate my worth and value before you!｣ He poked his tongue out mockingly towards Aqua, proving that demons have a childish side too, I suppose.

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Aqua’s eyebrows immediately jerked upwards, but we’re not going to get anywhere at this rate so I wish she’d stop. Aqua cradled her beloved egg and sat down on the sofa between me and Vanir. I assumed she wanted to hear the story too, but she sat with her knees up and glared incessantly at Vanir, her face so close that their noses almost touched. ｢This proves to be uncomfortable. ...Alas, listen well, pitiable lad who is unable to place his faith in the divines even when one is by his side: you wish to know the details of the armoured girl’s debt? You shall find that this entire matter began when you adventurers vanquished the Mobile Fortress Destroyer.｣ As if chatting idly, Vanir began...... Wait what? ｢Oi, explain.｣ At my words, Vanir laughed. He then continued, very matter-of-factly: ｢What is there to explain? It was expected for towns to suffer the trampling of the Destroyer, and for their lords to lose their lands. The inhabitants would be driven out of their homes, and the newly dispossessed lords and nobles made to bear the responsibility; all rubbing shoulders out in the cold wilderness like the closest of chums. One may even be inclined to say aimless wanderers like you adventurers would have preferred such an outcome. And yet... this town was spared such fate.｣ ...That’s a good thing, isn’t it? Vanir must’ve read that thought too, as he smirked once again. ｢Indeed, the town itself was spared. Tradesmen earning their livelihoods inside the walls suffered no harm by the end of it all. The same could be said of most its residents. ...Yet, the Destroyer was brought to the ground only in front of the gates. Naturally, its rampage before then took its toll on the grain fields, the flood-control facility and many others along the way, truly ravaging all in its path.｣ ...I guess so. You could say that the damages were at least kept to a minimum, right? ｢Naturally, with their fields devastated, those engaged in agriculture lost their livelihoods, and their property. ‘Tis no simple matter to rebuild a field once it has been razed. Hence, those folk sought the aid of their lord.｣ ...I’ve already got a bad feeling about this. And it must have shown on my face; ｢Indeed, it is exactly as you suspect! The lord spoke to his subjects: «You all should be glad just to be alive. Don’t come to me asking for hand-outs. If you want to complain, tell it to those adventurers who failed to protect your fields. Why, those adventurers are behind handed handsome rewards right now. Why not ask them to compensate you?»｣ ...Uwaah, that’s just like what some evil governor in a period drama would say.

116

｢Umu. Indeed the entire fault of this matter may lay entirely with the avaricious lord who avoided responsibility. The adventurers’ efforts were quite admirable, that much must be said. Nonetheless, those afflicted were left by the wayside. One can readily understand their plight. Saying to them that they were the unfortunate victims of a natural calamity is little comfort.｣ Vanir’s lips contorted into a truly demonic grin.

—And then, he casually mentioned something hard to overlook.

｢Those refused reimbursement from the lord came praying. Indeed, to a certain Dustiness family I believe you are familiar with. «Oh merciful Dustiness-sama, who so graciously compensated the majority of the cost for rebuilding after the flood caused by mere adventurers; we beg of you, take pity on us too» they pleaded.｣ ...... ｢What did you just say? Rebuilding after a flood?｣ Demonically, Vanir seemed to find my question amusing. ｢Had you perchance assumed those buildings you had so brazenly destroyed could be rebuilt with a few hundred million at most? When the person at the Guild gave you the bill for the damages, did she not say «We will not ask that you repay in full, but at least a part»?｣ That girl. ｢The majority of the Dustiness family’s estate, aside from their manor, went into reparations for those buildings. Having already lost so much of her family fortune, the armoured girl nevertheless wanted to help those victimised by the Destroyer as well, and bent knee before the lord who shirked his responsibility in order to receive a loan.｣ Why the hell didn’t she say anything? ｢The lord was loath to lend his fortune, and so she bargained: «If anything should happen to my father, or if we are unable to reimburse you, I will offer my body as collateral.»｣ I slammed on the table, interrupting Vanir. I then turned towards the startled Aqua, and stuck my hand out. ｢...Uh, Kazuma, you hurt your hand when you slammed on the table in anger, didn’t you? It hurt, didn’t it?｣ It all makes sense now. That rude messenger who came over must have been working for the lord. He found out that Darkness’ father got ill, and wanted to collect. That’s when she said she’d do something about the debt, and offered her stupid suggestion of killing that hydra. But when she saw all the adventurers who came together for her, she must have thought she couldn’t bear to be a burden on them, and resigned herself—

117

I asked Vanir calmly: ｢How much does Darkness owe?｣ He must have already seen that coming, as he brought out the bag he had come in with. ｢Your entire fortune, plus the contents of this bag, my dear customer. ...Now then, let us discuss business!｣

He really is a demon! 5 ｢You are so...! So very beautiful, Milady...! You simply must visit the mansion and let your poor bedridden father see you after the ceremony!｣ A newly-hired maid giddily complimented me in my dress. Her words inadvertently put a bitter smile on my face. This new maid doesn’t know about my family’s circumstances, or how this wedding came about. I’m sure my father would only be grief-stricken to see me after I marry that lord. I know this wedding isn’t going to make anyone happy. I’m doing this for myself. ...Then, I heard arguing from the hall outside the door. ｢Why should I not be allowed to see my own bride!? Out of my way! I’m tired of waiting! I’ve had it! Lalatina will be mine in a few hours anyway; what difference does it make!? Move it! ...Lalatina! LALATINA!!｣ ...Fufu, I see he has no desire to hide his true feelings any longer. ｢You may not pass. This dressing room is for the Dustiness family. Until the ceremony is concluded, only those employed by the Dustiness family may enter. Please turn away.｣ I heard the irritated lord continue to argue, while one of my servants dispassionately rejected him. ｢You imbecile! Listen to me, fool, once this wedding is over you will be working for me. Think it over well, and then decide if you will or will not let me pass!｣ Even in the face of his oppression, the servant replied calmly. ｢You shall not pass. You are not my master yet, sir.｣ ｢...I’ll remember you. After this wedding, when I’ll have had my fill of ravaging your precious lady, you’d best be prepared for what’s coming to you.｣ I heard the lord leave a parting thread before he left, stamping his feet. ｢...Can you call the one guarding the door in? I wish to thank him.｣ At my words, the maid bowed silently and soon brought the man in. ｢Milady, goodness me, you look absolutely stunning...!｣ His slightly wrinkled face broke into a smile as he admired me. 118

This man has served my family as a guard for many years. He is unwavering in his duty. I remember that he would never let me leave the mansion when I was a child. Even as I then tried to climb over the fence, he would always catch me right away. There was a time where I found my entire life revolved around outwitting this guard. I would play with my ball in the garden, toss it over the fence and demand it retrieved, only to slip out when he would go to fetch it. He would come running after me, catch me and bring me back to the mansion in no time, but it was so much fun that I threw that ball over the fence every day. It was so much fun tricking him into fetching that ball every day. But thinking about it now, I understand. I had no one to play with after my mother passed, and this man was simply trying to entertain me in his own way. ｢Thank you... You can let him in if he comes back, though. I’m hardly in any place to complain now. But tell him that I will never allow him to punish you...｣ ｢Please do not fret over me, I intend to resign after Milady marries anyway. My duty has always been to serve the Dustiness family. Though, I would gladly serve any man who has won Milady’s favour,｣ the man said bashfully, putting another bitter smile on my face. A man who earned my favour. The image that popped into my head was of that man who crept into my room at night, who I chased around the mansion, who spat out a parting threat as he fell out the window and then rolled around on the ground in pain. When I remembered that moment, a smile came over my lips. ｢Milady, that rare smile of yours is truly a beautiful sight. It makes me happy to have seen your smiling face at the end.｣ The man put on a satisfied smile and turned away. ｢...E-Err. If you will please excuse my boldness, Milady, one as beautiful and pure as yourself... Just, please try not to go too far with those intense private games...｣ ｢!?｣ He sounded embarrassed as he went out the door. The two maids quietly looked away from me. I would love nothing more than to get even with that man who copied my voice and started this foul rumour about me!

He is foul-mouthed, has no manners, and knows such bizarre things that nobody else does while lacking in basic common sense, that insolent man. He is cowardly and reclusive, yet still has moments where he suddenly does the most outrageous things, that incomprehensible man. He is the weakest class and all his stats besides Luck are below average, but using his miscellaneous skills and natural wit as his weapons he has fought and defeated

119 generals of the Demon King, infamous bounties and all kinds of monsters, that enigmatic man. Even when I revealed that I am nobility, he was more interested in my name, that strange man. And... To be prepared to cross the line with a man like that, I must be a strange woman myself. I remember now all our adventures, and the fun days we’ve spent together. By all rights, those born into a noble family would never be allowed to live their lives the way they wish, not even when choosing their spouse. And yet, I have been allowed to spend my time until now alongside good friends. ...It’s enough. I am still a noble. Asking for more would be too selfish. Now it is my turn to repay everyone in town for their kindness. I won’t let that lord have his way any longer. While he is busying himself with my body, I will uncover his secrets. However many years it may take, as long as I hold my memories of them in my heart, I know I can endure. ...Still, this is strange. Before, I used to think marrying this lord would not be bad at all, yet now I cannot see any appeal in him. Could this too be all his fault? When I think of all the times we’ve squabbled, it makes me smile. ｢U-Um... Milady?｣ The maid applying makeup on me looked puzzled and stopped. ｢Aah, sorry, it’s nothing.｣ I told the maid to continue, while memories of my quirky comrades spun through my head. I wonder what they would say if they knew why I am in debt. Megumin would probably get mad. Aqua might be confused and start crying. As for him, he would probably scold me, saying «Why would you do something so stupid!?» before finding out the best way to upset me and then promptly doing it. If I can find this lord’s secret and put an end to all this... ｢Milady, you are so beautiful...! Please, come in front of the mirror...!｣ As the maid suggested, I looked and myself in the pure white wedding dress and smiled bitterly. All of this, wasted on that lord.

120

Still, even if the commoners cannot attend the wedding, they’ll be able to see me in front of the chapel at the debuting ceremony. Will he be there, I wonder? ...No, he wouldn’t come. I know him; right now he’s probably locked himself inside the mansion to mope. The image of him sulking popped into my head, and I smiled bitterly. ｢It is time. Let us be on our way, Milady. I have summoned the best Priest in town to bless this momentous day. I am certain this wedding will turn out marvellously...｣ The one who spoke as he knelt and offered me his hand was the steward who has served our family for the longest time, Häagen. My gratitude to the people of this town for granting me freedom until this day. Aah, it’s been so much fun... In this year I’ve spent with everyone, every day has been fun, and I was happy. With a faint smile; I took Häagen’s outstretched hand—

6 This is the most sacred place in all of Axel. The Axis cult’s... thankfully not. It’s a church of Eris, of course. The ones attending are mostly influential people from the town, and nobles from neighbouring towns. They all seem to be aware that this wedding is a farce. Everyone is sitting down, chatting and gossiping, and even though the ceremony is about to start none of them seem at all nervous. The lord’s henchmen are out guarding the entrance to the church, along with a crowd of people hoping to catch a glimpse of the bride. Most of them are adventurers. Darkness hid that she was a noble all along in order to go adventuring. When they heard the big news about her marrying this lord, they probably came here hoping to see the rare sight of Darkness wearing a wedding dress rather than armour. They’re really curious, those guys. Maybe that curiosity is why they became adventurers in the first place.

A hush finally fell over the noisy chapel.

On either side of the entrance to the chapel were dressing rooms for the bride and groom. 121

From one side, Häagen appeared, holding the hand of the bride in her immaculate white dress. Since her old man was bedridden, the family steward must have stepped in. Darkness walked along hanging her head, and although her bridal veil covered her face, her beauty shone through and captivated everyone. Then, the lord appeared from the groom’s side of the dressing rooms, wearing a white tuxedo. The large, round man in the bulging tuxedo was just as enchanted by Darkness as everyone else, and couldn’t take his eyes off her. His mouth hung slightly ajar and he gazed dumbfounded at Darkness while staggering along... He tried to approach her, but Häagen gave a deliberate cough and brought him back to his senses. The attendees’ eyes never once stopped on the lord’s unsightly figure though. They were all deeply entranced by Darkness. Soon the pipe organ in the chapel started playing a solemn tune, and the lord began to walk down the aisle alongside Darkness, his eyes still glued to her. Darkness also walked down the aisle, her face still pointing at the floor. When I saw her like that, I felt rage building up inside me. «I bet he’ll ravage my body for several days on end without stopping to eat or drink. It’s so exciting...!» she said. Where’s that perversion of yours gone now? What happened to that face that would blush when fantasizing about monsters? Where are those outbursts that would disgust even a general of the Demon King? Even though it was her wedding day, Darkness didn’t seem happy in the slightest, as she hung her head miserably. Soon it came time for them to say their vows, and as they held everyone’s attention, they stepped in front of the altar.

Right in front of me.

That’s right, right in front of me, next to the altar. Apparently, in this world, a marriage doesn’t need to be performed by a minister, just a member of the clergy. For example, an Archpriest, a class that was uncommon enough for there to only be one in this whole rookie town, would do just fine. And on this occasion, the one standing at the middle of the altar was the highest ranking woman of the cloth in town, who had been asked by Häagen to come and bless the proceedings; Archpriest Aqua-sama. And I, as the great Archpriest’s assistant, stood boldly beside her.

122

Even after arriving in front of the altar, the lord was still transfixed by Darkness instead of facing forward, and Darkness as still hanging her head. The solemn music came to a stop, and then a not very solemn voice sounded:

｢Thou, Darkness, who art being pressured into taking this half-bear half-pig-looking old man as your wedded husband, and living together against my, God’s, ordinance, as man and wife: do you vow, in times health and of sickness, in times of joy and of sorrow, in times of plenty and of want, to love this geezer, respect him, comfort him, rescue him and protect your chastity at all costs from him, until death do you part? You can’t, can you? Well I say you come back home with me and have some of Kazuma’s cooking and some drinks. Wouldn’t that be nice...?｣

At that very out of place statement; Every pair of eyes in the church immediately turned and fell on Aqua. Even the Lord was left wide-eyed when he finally noticed Aqua. ｢...!? Wha-!? Y-You’re that woman who came to my mansion and made a mess of the place! What is this!? What the hell are you doing here!?｣ As the lord’s raving echoed through the church, Darkness stared at Aqua and me, her mouth gaping in shock. In that moment, I grabbed the dumbfounded Darkness’ arm.

123 124 Mom, Dad, Your beloved son, the one you tried to raise into a regular, upstanding man; Is now wondering what happened to his peaceful, ordinary life, as he is about to pick a fight with the most important people in the country, and kidnap a nobleman’s daughter. When Darkness came to her senses, her face immediately went pale and she began to shed tears. ｢W-What have you... Aqua... K-Kazuma! K-Kazuma, let go! Let go of me! What in the world are you two doing!? This is serious! You’ve trespassed on a noble wedding! You’re going to get executed for this no matter how much you plead! This is foolish! This is just-｣ I interrupted her, as she was tearfully and furiously screaming at me. ｢Just shut up already you stupid woman! You’re the one who’s always doing stupid shit! How dare you take over my debt!? What are you, my wife!? I told you, if you love me, just come out and say it!｣ ｢Who ever said that!? What on earth are you talking about, you moron!?｣ As Darkness and I got into a heated argument at an inappropriate time, the lord finally came to his senses. ｢G-Get him! Arrest him and that phony Priest! You... You pathetic commoner! How dare you even show your face at this wedding!? Hurry! Hurry and seize him!｣ he shouted, trying to pull Darkness back. I quickly stepped forward, putting myself between him and the still-crying Darkness. Seeing that, the lord’s face darkened...! ｢Why, you! Get out of here, this is none of your business! Listen here! Your beloved Lalatina owes me more than a poor wretch like you could pay back in a lifetime! If you want her so badly, then bring me enough to pay for her, peasant! If you can!!｣ At the lord’s provocation, I picked up the bag left by the side of the altar; ｢Oh, I heard you, and you’d better keep your word, old man! Here, this is what Darkness owes you, all two billion Eris of it! Two thousand magic silver coins worth a million Eris each! This is for Darkness! Also it’s not like I love her or anything, okay!? W-We’re just friends! She’s just my precious comrade!｣ While slightly amending his words, I dumped the contents of the bag at his feet!

As for why I chose to dump out the money...

｢Aah!? Wh- two billion!? Aah- wait- Lalatina-! My Lalatina... Aah- the money-! Pick it up! Oi, someone pick it up!｣ The lord frantically began gathering the scattered coins off the floor. Seeing that, the other guests also began rushing to pick up the money. Some unscrupulous person might pocket some of it for themselves, but I’m not going to claim responsibility for that.

125 In that opening, I grabbed the frozen Darkness’ arm and some men who looked like the lord’s guards came running towards us. Then, Darkness shook off my hand and began yelling. ｢Y-You-! Nobody asked you to do this! Do you mock my resolve!? And what about this money!? How the hell did you get this money!?｣ Darkness’ continued stubbornness angered me. ｢Selling. I sold the rights to every last thing I could come up with. Put together with all the money I’ve saved from bounties, it came out to exactly two billion. Now I’m back to having to work day-to-day to make a living. ...But, they’re already sold so it’s no use crying about it now. Too late to buy them back. So, if you understand, let’s leg it already!｣ Hearing that, Darkness put on a strange expression that seemed partly worried and partly happy, as if she was smiling through her tears, and started saying something: ｢You would go so far... You are such a...! I-I’m...!!｣ With the lord’s henchmen right in front of us, I reached the limit of my patience, grabbing Darkness by the shoulders and shaking her as hard as I could! ｢OH QUIT YOUR FUCKING PRATTLING ALREADY! You lost your say in this! Quit running your mouth! I bought you from the old man and that’s it! You belong to me now! And I’m going to work you like a horse! You’re going to use your body to pay back every Eris of what I paid for you, so get ready, you stupid, perverted Crusader!! Do you understand!? Answer me!｣ ｢Yhe-Yheshhir!｣ From being shaken, yelled at and called a pervert in front of everyone, a creepily ecstatic look came over Darkness’ teary face as she answered in a weird voice. As I held onto her shoulders, her knees gave way and she went limp. Something from what I just said must have went to her heart and landed a masochistic critical hit. She always finds a way to trip everything up at the worst time! I forcefully pulled the collapsed Darkness into a princess carry pose and began hurtling towards the exit. The guests are all local bigwigs and nobles. Maybe they didn’t have the heart for getting into fights, or they just wanted to stay out of trouble, but for whatever reason nobody except the people grappling for the money by the lord’s feet got in our way and instead preferred to watch. ｢Haah... Haah... I-I’ve been bought... Me, a noble, by this man! And he’s even going to make me p-pay with my body...! Aah, and what a situation...! I’m being princess carried away from the church, almost like... Almost like...!｣ In my arms, Darkness blushed harder than I’ve ever seen her before, and her breathing was disturbingly ragged.

126 ｢O-Oi, you’re drooling! You’re drooling! Are you okay!? In more ways than one!?｣ As I cautioned Darkness, Aqua, who was at the rear, was beaming for some reason. ｢That’s why they call him Kazuma-san the brute! We were just here to pay back the debt she took over for the destroyed buildings, and somehow you ended up buying Darkness! Hey, Kazuma, if Megumin heard about you making Darkness pay with her body, I think you’re going to get exploded to bits! If you don’t leave a body behind, not even I can bring you back so be careful, okay?｣ ｢W-Wrong!? Don’t slander me, that was just uh, a figure of speech! I meant, you know, using her body as a Crusader and an adventurer!｣ As I tried to clear the air while we ran down the aisle, the lord’s men stood in front of us. I turned to Darkness in my arms, who was still blushing and looking like her face was about to melt off: ｢Shit! Oi, Darkness, time to wake up! You can run on your own two feet! All your muscles aren’t easy to carry, you know!!｣ ｢Y-You are such a-!? You just had to ruin the mood by calling me heavy!!｣ As tears welled in the corners of her eyes, Darkness forcefully ripped the hem of her dress to make it easier to move in and leapt from my arms. ｢This is already a disaster, so I don’t care what happens next! I’ve made up my mind about all sorts of things! Out of my way, you dogs! And if you don’t, I’LL RIP YOU TO SHREDS!!｣ Throwing off her bridal veil and letting her golden locks flow, she crashed into the lord’s men. The men tried to grab Darkness as she shouted her threat, but she made no attempt to dodge and instead reached out her hands. Several hands gripped at her shoulders and arms, but Darkness didn’t care and pulled them along with her as she grasped two of the men by their faces. She then unleashed her Iron Claw on the two henchmen, and creaking sounds could be heard through their muffled screams. ｢Hey, what are we supposed to do if the one we came to save is doing all the fighting!? Aqua, buff me! Buffs, please!｣ ｢You got it! Do you need the multi-talented performer spell?｣ ｢Oh yes, please! That one’s great!｣ Behind us, the lord and some of the guests were still frantically scrambling over the money on the floor. With the multi-talented performer spell I got from Aqua, I hid my mouth and shouted from behind Darkness: ｢Oi, forget about them, we’ll get them later! Get over here and pick up my money!!｣ Imitating the lord’s voice, I commanded the men Darkness was wrestling with. ｢Huh? Yes! Right away, sir!!｣ 127 Taking my voice as an order from the lord, the men ran past us to their master. ｢You fools! What are you doing here!? I told you to bring me Lalatina!｣ ｢!?｣ Having given up on us for a moment, the confused men began running back. Soon there were more than ten of them in front of us. They weren’t really armed, but even with Aqua’s support magic it was uncertain if we could push through. I guess it’s time for me to show what I’m really capable again, just like in the royal capital...! Just as I was feeling like a hero from having stolen Darkness back;

｢«Light Of Sabre»!｣

As the familiar voice echoed through the church from the other side of the door, a ray of light cut a round hole in the brick wall around the entrance. It was one of the Crimson Magic kin’s favourite spells, one that let them swing a blade of light that can cut through anything. A moment later, the wall at the front of the church collapsed, door and all. Backlit by the dazzling sunlight outside stood two figures. The adventurers who had gathered outside the church were surrounding them from a distance, and were now watching anxiously to see what would happen next. The lord’s men were startled and took a few cautious paces back from those two. ｢Megumin, I did it! I... I really did it! Because you’re my best friend! A-And I would even do something kind of illegal like this if my best friend asked me to! I mean, if someone said to me «Please help me, my best friend» I couldn’t say no!!｣ ｢Yes, yes, good job, Yunyun. This is why you are my best friend. You can go back to the inn now.｣ ｢Eeeh!?｣ There were two girls with crimson eyes. Megumin just took one step forward, and the lord’s men backed off fearfully. As they retreated, their eyes were focused on the glowing tip of Megumin’s staff. ...Oh god. She really prepared an explosion spell, and she doesn’t look at all shy about casting it in the middle of town. Brandishing her staff loaded with a tremendous amount of mana, with a serious face unlike any I had seen before and her eyes glowing dark red, Megumin gave her cape a flutter.

128 Then, with a quiet voice, she declared to everyone there:

｢An evil wizard has arrived. And as my evil wizard’s instinct commands, I have come to steal the bride.｣

Standing with her back against the sun in front of the gloomy interior of the church, Megumin looked so damn cool and heroic that it took all the wind out of my sails even though I came to steal Darkness back first.

...That was what I really wanted to do! 7 The guests in the church and the lord’s men; Half thrown into a panic, they watched that evil wizard’s every move with caution. ｢I am sure you are all aware what I am known as. Then, you must also surely know just what spell is prepared at the end of my staff. Just so you know, controlling this magic takes a considerable amount of concentration. ...If I were suddenly attacked and lost my focus, there would be quite a bang. If you wish to take me on, please just bear that in mind.｣ Basically, she’s saying if anyone tries anything funny she’ll lose control of the spell and blow everyone up. Now that’s the kind of threat that would make any evil wizard proud. The lord’s henchmen surrounding Megumin wore startled faces. The men Darkness had charged at and grabbed and the ones holding onto her all lost their will to capture us when they saw Megumin. Then, standing next to her, Yunyun gave the inside of the church a glance. ｢...H-Huh? Hey, Megumin, Kazuma-san is already... Look...｣ At her words, Megumin noticed me, Aqua and Darkness wearing a dress-turned-skirt and, realising what had happened, squinted and smiled fondly. Then, to create a way out for us, she pointed her staff our way. Just from seeing that, the men standing in our way rushed to flee into the pews. In that opening, the three of us ran to Megumin’s side...!

129 130 ｢W-What!? What are you cowering for, you fools!? She’s clearly bluffing! Nobody is stupid enough to use explosion magic in a place like this! She won’t do it, go and grab her!｣ the lord shouted, still frantically gathering up the money. But, at that;

｢Oh! You think that I lack the nerve! You genuinely believe I would not use explosion magic, do you!? Very well, very well! I accept your challenge!!｣

｢Stop it! We won’t come near you! We won’t, so seriously, don’t do it!｣ ｢We won’t attack you! So stop, stop!｣ ｢Aldarp-sama! Please, don’t provoke her!｣ At Megumin’s statement, the lord’s henchmen backed off in a panic. I wonder just how far ahead Megumin planned this scheme of hers out. I mean, not even she would use explosion magic in the middle of the city...... S-She wouldn’t... would she? As Megumin threatened the lord’s henchmen, we joined up with her. ｢You just had to steal the show right when I was about to show everyone how cool I am! But you saved us so I guess I owe you. Thanks!!｣ I said, as I smiled at Megumin. ｢It is only a Crimson Magic kin’s nature to steal the spotlight. Honestly, Kazuma, I figured you would still do something in the end despite all of your whining... But I never expected you to move ahead of me,｣ Megumin said, with a slight hint of satisfaction on her face. ｢Megumin! And even Yunyun! You would do something like this...! Once we get back... Once we get back, I will need to...! Once we get back, I must thank you...!｣ Darkness stammered awkwardly, either overcome with emotion or just not over her arousal from before, and Megumin seemed slightly embarrassed. ｢Oh, please. Um... We’re comrades, aren’t we? ...I-I would never so easily give up our excellent Crusader!｣ Blurting some embarrassing line about being comrades, Megumin bashfully tried to save face by doubling down on her speech pattern. And then, turning to her: ｢Comrades... Having comrades is great, isn’t it, Megumin! Um, if I, your best friend, was ever in a situation like this, would you come to save me?｣ ｢Well, you are just a friend and also my self-proclaimed rival... I do not think that counts as a comrade, so...｣ ｢!?｣ Megumin mercilessly shot down Yunyun, who was very insistent about being her best friend today. ｢Hey, guys, this isn’t the time to be chatting! Do something about this!｣ The lord’s men were slowly encircling us at the church’s entrance.

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Right now, the dangerous individual, Megumin, is on a hair trigger. I don’t think they’d try to tackle us given the situation, but... Irritated at his men cautiously keeping away from us, the lord suddenly shouted: ｢Oi, you there, you adventurer-looking lot! Those people are criminals! Steal my bride back from them! You might get a handsome reward for it! Maybe even a job as a guard at my manor! This is your chance to stop living hand-to-mouth! Please! Get Lalatina! Bring me my Lalatina!｣ At the lord’s words, the adventurers who were curiously watching the situation unfold looked at each other. And then... ｢...? Oi, didn’t you hear me!? I’ll pay you! As much as you want!｣ Not only did they not even attempt to make a move, but they instead stared listlessly into the distance or yawned, pretending not to hear him. Looks like they’re going to stay out of this. I’m not going to ask for help; not trying to catch us is good enough for me! ｢Oi, Darkness. Just like when you had that stupid idea of killing the hydra by yourself, now you had the stupid idea of getting yourself married off. Because you’re stupid. And yet all those people are still willing to look the other way and help you out. Make let that soften that head of yours up a bit?｣ At my words, Darkness blushed happily, teared up slightly and hung her head. Aww, what a nice story~... I know that’s what the adventurers are thinking, so I’ll refrain from being too vulgar to Darkness for now. They’re all grinning... I’m sure if Darkness went to the Guild, everyone would be like «Lalatina-ojousama, not wearing a pretty dress today?» and tease her for a while. Every adventurer in town already knows Darkness is actually a noble girl by now. I don’t think anyone has to worry about the rowdy adventurers who’ve known Darkness for a long time changing their attitude towards her at this point. This whole thing isn’t going to die down anytime soon even after it’s settled, so I should probably stay away from Darkness for a while to avoid the back blast from any teasing she’ll receive. ...So, with the guards at the front of the church and the ones inside the church surrounding us, we’re at a stalemate. They’re not stupid, and they’re not the kind of pushovers who’d just stand around to let themselves be beaten. And there are a lot more of them than there are of us, so it doesn’t look like there’s an easy way out. Considering the fact that we’re basically using weapons inside the town, it’s hard to argue against being branded criminals. Actually, there’s hardly anything to argue. We are criminals. 132

｢Kh...! Kazuma, I cannot control the spell much longer! Can I shoot it now? We are criminals anyway! And they keep annoying me; I can I just blow them up already!?｣ Megumin suddenly said, startling everyone around. Including me. ｢Aah, I cannot contain it! Everyone, please try to get away!｣ Is it really out of control!? If it were any other wizard saying it, everyone would think she’s bluffing. But everyone around knew Megumin all too well, so pale-faced, they scrambled to get out of there. I also immediately hid, and...!

｢«EXPLOSION»!｣

Megumin shot her explosion magic into the sky. There was a thunderous roar, and a flash of light ran over the sky, followed by a massive explosion. The shockwave shattered windows all over town and made everyone drop to the ground, covering their heads. ｢Now! Now is our... chance...｣ Aqua supported the mana-depleted Megumin, who looked at me while her voice gave out for some reason... before eventually going silent and just staring at me. Her cold glare made me realise what was happening. I’m huddling and taking cover behind Darkness... ｢You know, Kazuma, hiding behind the person you came to save is over the line even for a complete brute.｣ ｢...Yeah, I was worried something was wrong with my eyes because I thought Kazuma looked really cool today, but I’m glad it was all in my head.｣ ｢K-Kazuma-san... that’s despicable...｣ Somehow that last remark from Yunyun was the one that stung the most. Oh dear, it seems like all the onlookers lying on the ground are also looking at me like human garbage. Still, more importantly, Megumin’s’ explosion magic got our enemies on the ground, so this is our chance. We went to push through the line of the lord’s henchmen surrounding us and run past, but then...! ｢She can only use explosion magic once a day! Now, seize them!｣ The shockwave from the magic could only keep them down for a moment, and now the lord’s men unhesitatingly charged at us.

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From Aqua’s arms, Megumin shouted! ｢Yunyun! I will go on ahead and leave this to you! No matter what happens to me, keep fighting and do not turn back!｣ Yunyun, hearing that...! ｢You dummy! We’re best friends, aren’t we!? I could never leave you behi-... Wait, what did you say!? Hey, Megumin, didn’t something like this happen at the Crimson Magic village before!?｣ Yunyun instinctively pressed Megumin. ｢Please buy us time, my best friend! I will introduce you to some of my friends later if you do!｣ ｢Got it, just leave it to me! Anything for my best friend!｣ Yunyun giddily got in front of the henchmen, and they looked at her with obvious concern. Oh god, oh god, I’ll get you all the friends you want, just please...! Leaving Yunyun behind, we heard: ｢She may be Crimson Magic kin but she’s still just a wizard girl! Just grab her before she can cast a spell!｣ The lord called out to his henchmen, and I felt compelled to turn back. Fine, goddamnit, I’ll stay behind too and stall them if Darkness can get away...! I thought to myself as I was about to turn round, when;

｢AAAARGH! He shoved me! Gwaaaah, my bones! MY BONEEEES! DUST, HELP MEEEE!｣

A man screamed and I heard the sound of something falling to the ground. ｢Oi, you okay, Keith!? Oh my god, this is horrible... The moment he fell down he got a compound fracture!｣ I heard a familiar name and voice. ｢Wha-!? Quit exaggerating, I just touched you! He jumped out in front of me, I didn’t shove him! Wh- Let go of my leg! Weren’t you supposed to have a fracture!? Let go!｣ That was one of the henchmen’s voice. ｢Oi oi OI OI! You’re gonna leave this guy paralysed from the waist down and not even say you’re sorry? I don’t know who you think you are, big man, working for the lord, but you can’t go around bullying people like this!｣ As we ran, I heard that punk’s voice from behind. Frustrated, the henchman who got into a fight with that underhanded thug said: ｢You just said he got a fracture, nothing about being paralysed! Enough out of you, get out of my way! Stay back or I’ll really make you hurt...!｣ The henchman must have shoved the thug.

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｢OWW! I was just talking to him and he started getting violent! He hit me! Alright, you’re on, buddy! Come on, let’s go! Wasn’t even that long ago I had to suffer at the hands of some noble! I never could stand those blue-blooded bastards, and now I’m gonna take it out on you!!｣ ｢Wha-!? Wai- Sto-!?｣ ｢Gettem!｣ ｢Go on, get ‘em!｣ ｢Oi, save some for me!｣ ｢I never liked that lord anyway!｣ ｢Wait! D-Didn’t you say you had a broken bone!? You said you had a fracture! Uwaaah!｣ As I ran, I snuck a glance behind me. There I saw the lord’s henchmen getting ganged up on by the spectating adventurers. I’ll have to buy those guys drinks again once the heat dies down. ｢Lalatina! Don’t leave me, Lalatina! LALATINA!｣ From afar, a grief-stricken voice called Darkness out.

8 ｢—M-Milady!? What happened to your...!? P-Please, come inside!｣ Having managed to escape the lord’s men, we fled to Darkness’ manor. The guards at the gate hurriedly let us in. The servants at the manor were shocked to see Darkness suddenly back from the wedding and wearing a tattered dress, but she ignored them and walked with pride. The three of us didn’t know where Darkness was going, but we followed behind her. ｢Father, please excuse me.｣ Darkness faced a certain room. ‘Father’...? Aah, when I snuck in last time, I had to break the window in her old man’s room to get out. They probably had to move him to a different room after that. Darkness didn’t wait for a reply before entering the room. I don’t think that’s okay for a noble girl to do... I was wrong. It was because the old man was in no shape to give an answer anymore. He was even thinner than when I saw him when I broke in, had dark circles under his eyes and was sleeping profoundly.

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Hearing the noise, the old man opened his eyes slightly. Darkness went first, and we followed. We came to the old man’s bedside. When he saw Darkness, the old man... ｢...Ooh, Lalatina... You are so beautiful... Just like your mother...｣ He said, putting on a faint, weak smile. Seeing him like that, Darkness apologetically lay her face down beside him. ｢...I... I am so sorry, Father... The wedding I put on against your wishes... It ended in disaster, and I ran away...｣ Hearing that, the old man’s eyes shone with joy. ｢Is that so...! I am so glad. You needn’t worry, there is nothing to feel sorry for.｣ After saying that, the old man turned to me. ｢Kazuma-kun, could you please come closer?｣ At his words, I approached the bed. ｢...I shall step outside for some fresh air.｣ Megumin took the hint and went out into the hall. ...And the one who couldn’t take a hint wandered around to the old man’s bedside. I don’t want to lay into her when there’s a sick person here, so I’ll leave her be. The old man looked at my face and smiled joyfully. ｢...You did well. Thank you. I am so grateful.｣ He suddenly thanked me. ｢All I did was pay back your daughter’s debt, sir.｣ At my words, the old man once again smiled brightly. Then, right in front of Darkness, he said something outrageous. ｢Kazuma-kun. I give you my daughter. Take her, please.｣ ｢Eh-!?｣ Darkness jumped at his sudden proposal. ｢No thank you. I don’t recall losing that bet.｣ ｢Eeeh!?｣ Darkness jumped even more at my answer. She looked at me as if she wanted to say something. Seeing us like that, the old man smiled with glee. ...Oh jeez. I think the king’s right-hand man can see into my soul. I understand. I’ll look after her, at least enough so that she doesn’t get taken by some strange man.

136

...I don’t think the old man has much time left. ｢Lalatina. Are you enjoying the life you have now? So much so that you would throw everything away for it?｣ the old man muttered softly as he closed his eyes. Without hesitation, Darkness replied immediately. ｢I am. I would abandon everything to protect my comrades.｣ Hearing that, the old man gave a satisfied nod and a quiet ‘I see...’. ｢Lalatina. Go and follow the path you wish to follow. Leave everything else to me. Even I can still pick up a pen to write a few lines.｣ Darkness cuddled up to her father and gripped his hand tight. ｢I love you, Father. Thank you for everything you have done for me...! If you get better, some day; please tell me the story you used to tell me before bed, about Mother...｣ ｢I love you too, my sweet. Of course, I will tell you about your beloved mother again, one day...｣ Darkness’ eyes got misty. The old man repeated ‘One day...’ softly as he put on a blissful smile and squeezed Darkness’ hand back...

137

138 The old man’s body was suddenly bathed in light, as a magic circle appeared around his bed.

｢«Sacred Break Spell»!｣

The girl who couldn’t take a hint cast a spell. ｢AAAAH!?｣ ｢F-Father!?｣ At the sudden flash of light, the old man and Darkness screamed. When the light faded, the blackness around the old man’s eyes was gone, and although he was still thin, his skin had gained a faint reddish glow...... Um. As everyone’s astounded gazes fell on her, Aqua stood proudly as if begging to be praised. ｢It was a curse! The old man had some really nasty demon’s curse on him, but I used my power to dispel it!｣

139

140 Having been cured of his ailment thanks to the goddess of inappropriate timing, the old man held hands with Darkness and the two looked at each other. ｢｢...... ｣｣ Blushing up to her ears, Darkness slowly let go of his hand and stared vacantly out the window, while the old man pulled up his blanket and buried his face with embarrassment. Poking just slightly out from under the covers, his face was just as red as Darkness’. ...Doesn’t fall far from the tree, does it. ｢Now everything’s okay! Darkness, aren’t you happy!? And you too, Darkness’ dad, now you can tell her all your stories about her mom!｣ Aqua said happily, without a hint of malice in her voice. But when Darkness heard it, she squatted down and hid her face.

Aww, what a nice story~...

141

Interlude: Demons Sneer in Dead of Night

｢Aah... Damn it! Damn it! DAMN IIIIIT!｣ In a hidden room beneath the bedroom, I was taking my rage out on the filthy demon. I kicked the broken demon, Max, who couldn’t even grant me one simple wish, again and again. ｢Hyuuhh, hyuuhh, hyuuhh｣ Letting out his strange yelps, Max crouched down and covered his head as I kicked him. How long has it been now since I used my god item to summon this lesser demon? I thought I could grow to like any creature I’d spend this long around, but after all this time I still can’t get used to this thing. ｢If only-! If only you were a more useful demon-! My-! My Lalatina wouldn’t have been stolen away from me! Is your power to manipulate really so weak-!? Worthless shit! Worthless shit! You worthless piece of shit!｣ ｢Hy-Hyuuhh, hyuuhh. But the church weakens a demon’s power. Anyway, it looks like someone lifted the curse, Aldarp.｣ Crouching down covering his head, Max nonchalantly said something outrageous. ｢The curse was lifted!? You-! Can’t you even kill one single man with your curse-!?｣ Shouting at him, I kicked Max as hard as I could. The creature’s memory is so bad it even forgets if it receives its payment or not, and that’s how I’ve been able to keep using him without paying, but... Perhaps it’s time I disposed of him. However, I might still need this thing’s power to cover up this incident. It was a mistake to say what I did to Lalatina in front of all those important people and nobles. I lost my temper and blurted out such reckless things. Not only is Lalatina’s family status higher than mine, but I did it in public too. Still, I’m glad I’ll finally be able to have that infuriating brat who crashed my wedding put to death. Lalatina might plead to spare his life, and offer herself to me in exchange. ｢Max! Use your powers to twist the memories of every guest and everyone else who heard what I said to my convenience by tomorrow morning! Do you understand!?｣ I said over my shoulder as I began to leave the dim cellar, brooding over tomorrow... ｢Hyuuhh, hyuuhh... That’s impossible, Aldarp. I don’t have the power to do that.｣ Those words made me stop. 142

...Impossible? The broken demon has never once talked back to me before. Much less so ever said to me he couldn’t distort the truth to my liking. And yet, now for the first time he says it’s impossible. ｢...Impossible, you say? I know you are a lesser demon, I know that damned well because I am the one who summoned you at random with this god item. ...You have no right to refuse me. Do it! I don’t care if it’s impossible, you will see it done! Is it because there were so many people? Twisting memories is supposed to be your strongest power! You will do it!｣ But still... ｢Impossible. The light...Hyuuhh, the bright light which broke the curse stops me, I can’t do it.｣ Hearing that demon so brazenly refuse me, my blood began to boil. ｢I’ve had enough of you, you worthless demon! I will cancel my contract with you and summon a demon with another power! This is your last order! Bring Lalatina to me...! Use your power of manipulation to bring Lalatina to me right now! Do it and I will pay you all I owe you so far!｣ Max responded to that. ｢Pay? You will pay me?｣ ｢Yes, I will pay. I swear it. Not that you remember any of the times I’ve paid you before, you fool. I have paid you your dues countless times. Now, bring me Lalatina.｣ Using the same gentle words I’ve used to fool the demon before, I persuaded him. ...And then; ｢Milord, are you here? It is I. I am here to apologise for what happened today. May I please see you...?｣ For some reason, there was a knock on the entrance to this cellar no one was supposed to know about. I don’t know why now of all times, or how she knew of this place, but none of that matters! That voice I could never mistake...! ｢Lalatina! Is it you, Lalatina!? G-Good boy, Max! You have done well! You truly have! I don’t know how you did it, but I will keep my end of the bargain as I promised! And our contract is cancelled! I set you free now! Aah, Lalatina, I’m coming!｣ ｢But I have done nothing yet, hy-hyuuhh! You will pay me? The contract, ended?｣ I paid no attention to Max as he muttered, and rushed to open the cellar door. There, looking down at me, was Lalatina, without a doubt. She was dressed in a lascivious negligee, and wore an affectionate smile I had never seen her put on for me as she descended the stairs into the cellar. Her dress, her smile, they immediately welled dark desires inside my body.

143

With an apologetic look, Lalatina whispered sweetly: ｢I am terribly sorry, Milord... I apologise for what happened today. ...So, I beg of you, please take my body in exchange for my comrade’s life...!｣ At those words, I understood everything. She is here to plead for her comrade’s life, just as I predicted! I cannot hold myself back any longer! The girl I have sought after for so many years is now in front of me in that dress. Without even waiting for her to get to the bottom of the stairs, I went to grasp Lalatina’s body, when; Lalatina smirked, and her body began to distort. Then, in her place was... ｢Fuhahahahahaha! You were expecting Lalatina? Too bad, it is merely I! My, but what a tremendously intense foul emotion I sense! Delectable, simply delectable! Fuhahahahahaha!｣ It was a masked man, wearing the same kind of tuxedo Max wore. ｢!? W-Who in blazes are you!? Who- What are you!? This dread feeling... You’re just like Max! You’re a demon, aren’t you!? You’re a demon!｣ I pointed at that demonic-looking masked creature, and it grinned. ｢Max! Kill this foul demon!｣ I pointed at the masked demon and shouted. How dare this scum take the shape of my beloved Lalatina just after she slipped between my fingers! I’ve never felt so frustrated! I will not forgive this, never! ｢...? Why should I kill one of my own? Hyuuhh...? Ah? Have I met you before?｣ Without obeying my order, Max asked. How many times has he talked back to me now? What’s wrong with my demon today? Is he really broken now? As I was thinking that, the masked demon in front of me made such a perfectly choreographed bow that it would put most nobles to shame. ｢Our acquaintance has been made hundreds if not thousands of times before in the past. Alas, once again, I am honoured to meet you, Maxwell. Maxwell, weaver of reason. Maxwell, the shaper of truths. I am the clairvoyant demon Vanir. O, Maxwell, shaper of truths. I have come for you!｣ So the broken demon was not Max, but Maxwell all along? Wait, what does he mean...? ｢Vanir! Vanir! I know not why, but it sounds familiar! Have we met before?｣ ｢Fuhahahahaha, you say the same each time we meet! Your name is Maxwell! You have come here from another world, leaving your memory behind! You are kindred of mine! Come now, let us see you returned to your rightful place in hell!｣

144

｢H-Hold it, hold it! He’s my servant! You can’t just take him away!｣ Those words slipped out of my mouth, but the demon calling himself Vanir laughed. ｢Servant? You would claim Maxwell, duke of hell just as I, to be your servant? O, you of enormous pride but diminutive stature. You merely have the luck of the devil. Indeed you were fortunate to have Maxwell be the first demon you summoned. Had you called forth any other you would have been immediately torn apart for lacking the necessary offering! Alas, you were lucky! Maxwell, the clueless! Maxwell, the one with power yet the mind of a child! It was simply owed to him that you so brilliantly ascended to the lofty status you now occupy! Were I in your place, I would be very grateful indeed!｣ I don’t understand. My pet Max, a duke of hell? No, I made it to where I am now through my own damn efforts. This broken demon hardly did anything to help me. As he gestured towards me, that masked demon Vanir again smirked and said: ｢Furthermore, when I made my appearance earlier, you spoke to Maxwell thus, did you not? ‘I will keep my end of the bargain as I promised! And our contract is cancelled! I set you free now!’ you said.｣ When he pointed that out, I realised my mistake. I assumed Max had used his power to bring Lalatina to me, but I was wrong. I was so overjoyed that I went and blurted that without thinking. ...I see. This demon introduced himself as clairvoyant. He knew this would happen, and that’s why he came here now of all times. And he must have seen through me as I thought that as well. ｢Indeed, that pact sworn between you and Maxwell was quite an obstacle. My word but have I had to take quite a roundabout approach.｣ ...Roundabout approach? ｢Y-You, you...! Are you telling me that you-!!｣ ｢Indeed, exactly as you imagine, sir! It was I who allowed that lad to repay the debt, and who told him about you! Fuhahahahahaha! Oh yes, wonderful! Such glorious animosity! Such a scrumptious feast!｣ Trembling, I clenched my fists; ｢You! You put me through all that...! If you wanted this broken demon back you should have just asked! I would have given him back willingly had I known! But you had to involve the entire town, and make a mockery of me...!｣ Yes, if only I had known there was a clairvoyant demon watching everything, I would have never gone so far...! The demon said to me; Unaffectedly, he said the stupidest thing;

145

｢It was more fun this way! Fuhahahahaha, ah, it was a magnificent show to behold! A glorious spectacle! Not even I could have foreseen entwining even that goddess into playing the part I wrote! Though I had to suffer the disgraceful task of hatching that ruffian goddess’ egg while she was called to the ceremony, it was all in service of dining on such superb ill feeling! Decades of yearning leading to a long- anticipated harvest! Yet in the moment you at long last believed she is to become your bride, she is stolen away; those foul emotions! Why, it was such a delight that I nearly believed I could well vanish on the spot with no regrets!｣ What is this? What are you talking about, you cursed demon!? ｢Now then, Milord. I shall keep you no longer. I must be off to return Maxwell to hell, then to attend to my tiresome work in that meagre little shop.｣ It seems the demon plans to leave and take Max with him. So be it. I had no idea Max was such a powerful demon, but I’m sure I can manage without him. But what will I do come tomorrow? Now I have no way of keeping the evidence of my crimes hidden. Then, as I was wracking my mind over it; ｢Hyuuhh! Hyuuhh! Vanir! Vanir! Before we go, I need to get paid by Aldarp! He told me! He said he would pay!｣ Excited wheezing breaths came out of Max’s throat as he said that joyfully. Damn, I did say that, didn’t I. ｢Yes, yes, fine. You want your payment. I’ll give it to you, so just get-｣ Out of my sight, is what meant to say when; A dull sound echoed through the cellar. What made me realise it was the sound of arms breaking... ｢...Eh- Ah- AAAAAAAAAAAAAGHHHHHHHHHHHAAAA!?｣ Was that I saw Max grasping both my arms and trying to tear them off! ｢Hiih!? Hiiiiiih! It-It huuurths!?｣ I shouted as he gripped my arms; ｢Aldarp! ALDARP!! Your voice sounds nice, Aldarp! Hyuuhh, hyuuhh!｣ the stupid broken demon said. ｢What-!? Let go of me, Max! Stop this! It hurts, stop it, please!｣ Seeing me shout out in tears, the demon made a face I had never seen him make in all this time. His stiff, dull, emotionless face contorted into a smile of genuine glee. Seeing that, Vanir said: ｢Fuhahaha! Maxwell, you may finish this back in hell. This man owes you quite a princely sum. Let us bring him back with us, where you may take your time receiving your payment as you please.｣ Though my mind went blank with pain, I still understood the outrageous meaning in those words.

146

｢The fee you owe Maxwell for employing his services, just as is written in contract, is to provide Maxwell with his desired ill emotion for each month and year spent in your service. ...Hmhm. I see you made much use of this one in your rather self- indulgent life... I cannot fathom any way for you to pay your owed dues over your remaining life, you see.｣ At the masked demon’s words, I felt an icy shiver run down my spine. I forgot all the pain from my arms as I trembled and desperately pleaded with the demon. ｢I-I understand! I’m sorry for exploiting you until now! Let’s make a deal! You can have all of my-｣ ｢Your fortune, yes? With Maxwell returning to hell, your many misconducts shall come to light and all your property seized. They shall be passed onto the Dustiness family and... be restored to the lad who is currently anguishing in his own home, concerning himself if he should or should not truly make that girl pay with her body for causing him to haphazardly sell off all his possessions, as well as to the town and the kingdom, by rights. Thus decrees the clairvoyant demon Vanir: thou art already destitute.｣ At that, my teeth began to grind and my mouth began to foam. My fortune, all of it...! ｢In...｣ ｢’In that case, take as many of my servants as you need but spare me’? Alas, the clause of payment only extends to those party to the contract! ...Oh my, a fine ill emotion that is, but I fear despair is not to my taste. However, it is Maxwell’s favourite.｣ Hearing that, I began to tremble even harder. ｢M-Ma-Ma-Max... Max...! I-I’ve done awful things to you... I have been horrible to you, but; please, won’t you spare me? Please, look the other way, I know how it looks but I’ve always liked you...! I swear it! Please, I’m begging you, Max!｣ Hearing my words, Vanir kept grinning and for some reason didn’t reveal my lie. Max released his grip on my arms. I fell down to the ground. As I did, clutching onto a glimmer of hope, I nervously looked up at Max. He was smiling joyfully. It was an innocent smile. The demon I thought to be emotionless was wearing the pure smile of a child. ｢Aldarp! Aldarp! Me too! I love you too, Aldarp!｣ Vanir kept looking at me and grinning, finding it humorous for some reason. The broken demon I had kept for so long blushed and continued: ｢Aldarp! Aldarp! I love you, Aldarp! I’ll let you be by my side in hell forever, Aldarp! I want to taste your despair for ever and ever, Aldarp!｣

147

Aah, I see. This was the reason I never could grow to like the demon. In my heart, I had always held a small fear that the demon was hiding its true nature. But now, as he’s smiling in front of me, he is more terrifying than I ever imagined.

—Aah, I beg you.

｢My, it seems the feeling is mutual, Aldarp. Maxwell is a passionate and dedicated soul; I am certain he will make love to you ‘round the clock! Fuhahahahahaha! Fuhahahahahahaha!｣ I beg you, please let this broken demon at least let me die an easy death after he tires of tormenting me... When I heard the masked demon’s laughing voice, for the first time in my life, I prayed.

｢I’ll take good care of you, Aldarp! I won’t throw you away like those girls you took and violated! I’ll take good care of you and make sure you don’t break forever and ever! Hyuuhh, hyuuhh! Hyuuhh, hyuuhh!!｣

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Epilogue 1: —Welcome Home!—

The morning after Darkness was stolen away.

｢The lord went missing?｣

When I heard Darkness say that after coming back to the mansion first thing in the morning, I couldn’t believe my ears. How could that old man who was always going on about Lalatina suddenly go missing? ｢Yes, his servants are looking for him but apparently haven’t found a trace of him yet.｣ At Darkness’ words, I tilted my head. And here I was prepared to have to deal with the lord’s personal army coming to our mansion this morning. ｢For some reason, evidence of his crimes and abuse of power has been showing up here and there ever since yesterday. Apparently he was the one who gifted Iris- sama the body-swapping god item as well. They say he might have fled by night in order to avoid having those accusations pinned on him.｣ —I see. ｢...So, now there’s no need for us to skip town, so you can leave that luggage.｣ At Darkness’ slightly disdain-filled words, I dropped the baggage I was carrying on my back. Behind me, Aqua and Megumin did the same with their own belongings. We were planning to run far away and maybe work a field somewhere until things calmed down back here. ｢Well, that’s good for us, I guess. ...Uh, what’s wrong, Darkness? Come inside already.｣ Standing in the entrance hall, I invited Darkness in, but... She stood where she was, with a brooding look on her face. ｢What is it, Darkness? Did something happen?｣ At Megumin’s question, Aqua exclaimed ｢Ah!｣. ｢Right, Megumin doesn’t know because she wasn’t in the church from the start! Listen to this! Darkness got bought by Kazuma; can you believe that!? He covered Darkness’ debt and he was like ‘You belong to me now, so I’m going to make you pay for everything with your body...!’. Darkness is probably scared to come inside because of what Kazuma might do to her.｣ ｢...Ha?｣ ｢Oi, that’s not the whole story. She just made it sound weird, okay? I mean, everything she said was true but it didn’t come out right, she didn’t phrase it right!｣ 149

As Megumin’s eyes began to glow red and she looked at me as if I was garbage, Darkness shook her head. ｢...No, that’s not it. Although Kazuma did say he’d make me pay with my body and called me a pervert Crusader in front of everybody...｣ Oh my, it seems Megumin is starting to chant a spell. Darkness suddenly bowed her head. ｢I’m sorry. I acted rashly and inconsiderately and caused trouble for you all. ...Honestly, even I think what I did was stupid. Please forgive me...｣ Seeing that, Aqua and Megumin rushed to Darkness’ side. ｢It is all fine now, at least now you are back home safe and sound. I am not upset about it at all. Kazuma may have suddenly lost a lot, but he has a habit of not working once he has even a small amount of money. This is for the best.｣ ｢Yeah, exactly. In fact, if all of this hadn’t happened I would’ve never gone to your house. If I never did, your dad wouldn’t have found out about the curse! ...I know, we should be looking for whoever cast that curse! I suspect it’s something that masked demon would try to pull. My unclouded power of perception doesn’t lie! Let’s go pay him a visit!｣ Hearing those two, Darkness then stared right at me. ｢I owe you a massive debt, Kazuma. You said you gave everything in order to earn the money for me, but... I will have the kingdom reimburse you for everything you had to pay for me as soon as possible. Once my father’s health improves, he will be able to manage the assets seized from the lord and compensate you. But...｣ Darkness’ face turned gloomy. ｢...But, that won’t bring back the intellectual property you had to sell. You said you wanted to make a safe living in trade, but now...｣ So that’s what it was. ｢Don’t worry about that. Now that I learned the Cooking skill, I can at least open a stall or something, sell food from my country and earn some pocket money that...... Wha-? Wait a second. You can pay me back?｣ Suddenly realising it, I asked her to clarify with a serious face. ｢Yes, you will be reimbursed. The two billion you had to spend, as well as the money for the lord’s mansion and the destroyed buildings. All those reparations were for collateral damage caused as a result of you trying to protect the town, after all. They should have been paid for by the lord who was supposed to govern this land. ...Still, when I think about it now, I have to wonder why I was so tolerant and so willing to pay that lord... It feels as though I was under a spell. And why did all that evidence of his misconduct suddenly start cropping up...?｣ Darkness tilted her head and said something about it being hard to comprehend, but that was not important. That’s not what matters now! ｢Two... Two fricking billion...!?｣ Oh my god, this might mean I never need to work another day in my life...! 150

...Wait, hold on. There’s twenty four hours in a day, and that service costs fifty Eris for three hours. With two billion, could I spend the rest of my life in the dream world I desire...? Seeing me like that, Megumin and Aqua quickly cuddled up next to me. ｢Is it just me or is Kazuma kind of uh... He’s really very, uh, handsome, today. You know, Kazuma-san, I would really like a fancy kennel for Emperor Zel!｣ ｢Oh yes, he is truly very, um, strapping. I always thought Kazuma was handsome, you know. By the way, some magic tools to increase magic power would make me very happy.｣ ｢Oh, you couple of sluts caught the scent of money right away, did you!? ...Darkness, what is it?｣ Darkness was watching us, still not moving from in front of the door. ｢Come on, I said it’s fine. You’ve been secretly covering for us all this time, right? I was pretty mad at you about that yesterday. But you know, it also made me a little happy. I paid back your debt, and now all that money is going to be paid back to me. We can just pretend like all of yesterday never happened, can’t we?｣ To be perfectly honest, the sum I can look forward to being what it is, I don’t care about petty things like that anymore. Frankly, after having shut myself in all this time, I want to arrange for that service I mentioned, rent the best room at an inn, and take a little week-long vacation. But, when Darkness heard me say we can pretend it never happened, she frowned. ｢Does that include... You saying you own me too?｣ Hearing Darkness’ question, Megumin and Aqua, who had been clinging to both sides of me, jumped and began staring me in the face from point-blank range. ...P-Please stop that. ｢Of course! You know what, let’s just forget about everything that happened yesterday!｣ When she heard that, Darkness’ expression grew even sadder. ...Huh? Could it be that she actually wanted to belong to me in a weird Darkness-esque sort of confession? My hopes aside, Darkness hung her head and looked as though she was about to start crying. ｢...I- about that letter... In that letter where I wrote I want to leave the party...｣ ...Aah, I get it. She must be thinking that she’s out of the party. If yesterday never happened, then that would mean the part where I said I’d make her pay with her body as a Crusader never happened either... Well there go my expectations. God, what a...

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｢What are you saying? You are our invaluable Crusader, Darkness. I will never let you go.｣ ｢Yeah, why bring that up now? You know, you’re pretty dumb sometimes, Darkness. Who else would take you in?｣ ...Damn it, they got in ahead of me. But Darkness twiddled her fingers in front of her chest and timidly looked at me with upturned eyes. She probably wants to hear from me before she can feel relieved. Then, just as I was about to open my mouth, she spoke first. ｢U-Um! I’m... I am Crusader whose toughness is her only strength and who cannot wield a sword properly... But, would you... Would you be willing to let me be your comrade once more...?｣ Darkness asked anxiously and using polite language that she was unfamiliar with, and I, putting on a wry smile, said: ｢Isn’t it obvious? ...Welcome back.｣ At that; ｢...I-I’m home!!｣ As tears welled in the corners of her eyes, Darkness put on a relieved smile—

｢—Hey, Kazuma, you’re a little disappointed though, aren’t you? When you said you’d make Darkness pay with her body, you meant that in a lewd way, right?｣ Using her unparalleled ability to not read the mood, Aqua suddenly blurted out, covering her mouth and smirking. What the hell is she saying? ｢Now that you mention it, he proclaimed Darkness belongs to him in front of everyone. What was that? Was that meant as a confession of love, perhaps? Between this, the time Yunyun said she wanted to make babies with you and the time in the royal capital when Iris had you wrapped around her little finger, how easy can one man be? Quite fickle for the man who tried to lay his hands on me when we slept together in the Crimson Magic village. Please get your act together.｣ Megumin added, with a somewhat unfriendly look. ...What the hell is she saying? Is she jealous, or? I want to tell her to make her stance on this clearer. I wish she’d act more like one of those girls in harem anime, the kind that are easy to understand. ...And, Darkness started acting strange. Even though she had been timid until now, she was sneaking glances at me and Megumin as we engaged in our lovers’-like quarrel.

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｢...A-Actually, when Kazuma broke into my mansion, we very nearly crossed that line too...｣ ｢｢EEH!?｣｣ Aqua and Megumin raised their voices in shock when they heard Darkness bashfully make her uncalled for remark. ｢O-Oi, stop it... Seriously, don’t... That was just attempted...｣ I argued, feebly, but Megumin and Aqua shouted: ｢｢ATTEMPTED!?｣｣ Well I’ve dug my grave. ｢Hey, Kazuma, how stupid are you? Megumin and I were working hard to bring Darkness back, and that’s what you were getting up to?｣ ｢You did not go there to bring her back, but for a little yobai, did you!? You really are despicable! What in the world were you thinking!?｣ Come on, that time I tried to fool around with Megumin in the Crimson Magic village is one thing, but I haven’t actually done anything wrong this time. Darkness squirmed shyly: ｢Well, I wouldn’t call it yobai exactly... He did sneak into my room at night, cover my mouth so I wouldn’t scream, push me down onto the bed and restrain my arm when I tried to struggle... Oh, and because of the struggle my clothes got lifted and he caressed my stomach, but that was it.｣ ｢｢Eh-｣｣ ｢Oi hold it! I mean, that’s true! That’s true but still!!｣ ｢｢!?｣｣ Hearing me shout, Megumin swiftly put distance between us. ｢I knew Kazuma looked at Darkness with lust for a long time, but I never would have thought he would be so indiscriminate with his urges. I always thought he was a coward but still faithful at heart. When it happened to me I thought he might at least have some feelings for me, but I suppose he was just trying to satisfy his appetite after all. I bet he would do it to any woman who sleeps next to him!!｣ Okay, just hold on a second, because it looks like I’m fast on my way to being branded an absolute scumbag. Before I could argue back against Megumin, Aqua came in and delivered another blow...! ｢I can’t believe it; when Kazuma and I were sleeping next to each other in the stables, the beast was preying on my tender, ripened figure the whole time!｣ Yeah that one definitely didn’t happen.｣ ｢ ｢WHYYYYYYY!?｣ I tried to push Aqua back with one hand as she tried to strangle me in tears, while Darkness seemed embarrassed but still put on a triumphant smirk.

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Looks like he’s still trying to get even with me for the time I mimicked her voice to her servants during the whole yobai incident. As she folded her arms and continued to grin seeing me at my wits’ end;

｢...... You were the one who invited me to become adults together...｣

I muttered. ｢｢!!｣｣ ｢N-N-N-NO!? That was just because I was going to get married to that lord, so it was kind of an ‘I’d sooner’ sort of....!｣ ｢She admitted it! Darkness admitted she was leading him on! Oh my gosh! ...Well, I know when to take a hint; if anyone needs me I’ll be at the park looking for a nice sunny spot to warm up Emperor Zel’s egg!｣ ｢I never would have thought you such a slut, Darkness! Trying to act like the tragic heroine all while playing up your sex appeal! I was stupid to ever worry about you!｣ ｢Wha-...!? N-No, wait a minute, wait a minute, please!!｣

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155 Darkness looked at me hatefully as Megumin poked her cheek with the tip of her staff. She’s still eager to get even, huh. I grabbed Aqua as she was about to escape with her beloved egg and asked her something I had previously decided to wait until Darkness calmed down to discuss. ｢...Say, Aqua. I’ve got a little question. When you get married in this country, how does the whole family registry8 thing work?｣ As I abruptly changed the subject: ｢What’s this all of a sudden? First, on the morning of the day of the wedding ceremony, the spouses have to submit the documents for registering a new family member at an official bureau. Then the wedding can take... place... around... noon...｣ Aqua seemed to have noticed what I was getting at. When Megumin’s face suddenly went stiff, she must have figured it out too. ｢...? What’s wrong?｣ Only the sheltered ojousama wasn’t keeping up. Megumin tried to be supportive: ｢I-It is not really uncommon to be once divorced these days, yes!｣ Hearing that, Darkness finally caught on and suddenly lifted her face. A masochist despite being an ojousama, and now a divorcee despite being a virgin; just how many attributes is she trying to tack on? ｢Um... So what does this mean? Darkness got kidnapped in the middle of her wedding, but the old guy disappeared that same night. I think most people would think the old guy left Darkness at the altar if anything.｣ At Aqua’s innocent words, a shiver ran through Darkness. Then, timidly and anxiously, she looked up at my face...

｢Well... That’s all just red tape anyway. Don’t sweat it too hard...... Divorceness9.｣

Darkness immediately turned and ran away in tears.

8 Japan has an official family registry (koseki) which records the paternity, adoptions, deaths, marriages and divorces within each household. 9 The term batsuichi (literally one x, one cross mark) refers to someone who has divorced once (hence, one name crossed off from the koseki). The original pun Kazuma makes is “Batsuness”.

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Epilogue 2: —Eris and Chris—

｢—So yeah, that’s what happened. That stupid Darkness has been shut in at her family’s house ever since. I’m planning another solo break-in.｣

In a cosy café on the outskirts of Axel. Maybe the place was some kind of hideout, since we were the only ones there. ｢You’re still a real monster, you know that? You shouldn’t tease Darkness so much. I know she looks tough, but she’s actually pretty sensitive, you know.｣ ｢Yeah, yeah, I know. Actually, what have you been doing all this time, Chris? How long has it been since you came back here from the royal capital?｣ I was talking to Chris, who had come back from the royal capital, and explaining the whole ordeal that happened this time. Chris looked uneasy and scratched at the scar on her cheek. ｢Um, well, I’ve been busy with... stuff. I was near Axel for a while, but then I got called up on short notice. Had to tie up a bunch of loose ends, and finally I ended up back here,｣ she said, as she sprawled on the table. ｢Called up? By who? Some kind of Thieves’ Guild or something?｣ ｢Yeah, well, you know, people die and stuff.｣ ｢...You work part-time as an undertaker?｣ Chris didn’t answer, and instead let out a deep sigh. ｢Still, who would’ve guessed the god item I was looking for was in the lord’s house... I must’ve gotten it confused with Aqua-san’s god item when I snuck into his mansion last time.｣ The two god items Chris and I had searched for in the royal capital; Apparently one of those two was discovered in the lord’s mansion, in an underground room. It seems Chris came back in town to retrieve it as soon as possible. The god item lets you enslave randomly summoned monsters. What was that old man was using something like that for? After listening to my explanation for a while, Chris drank up her now cold coffee. ｢Hey, all’s well that ends well, right? Thanks for saving Darkness, helper-kun.｣ ｢Don’t mention it, chief.｣ We said, and laughed. ｢Haah... Anyway, I still need to get that last god item. ...Say, helper-kun, are you...｣ ｢Let me stop you right there and tell you I’m busy.｣ As I cut Chris off, she puffed up her cheeks and threw a mean glare at me.

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｢I’d pay you...｣ ｢I’m not really hurting for money.｣ Chris scratched at the scar on her cheek uneasily. ｢Oh fine. I’ll ask for your help again later, all right?｣ she said, as she put on a gentle smile and stood up to leave...... Huh? There’s something about that. About the way she smiled and scratched at her cheek when put on the spot. In fact, something about it feels familiar... It’s been niggling at me for a while now. Why does Chris call Darkness and Megumin by their names without honorifics, but adds ‘-san’ only for Aqua? And more importantly, her name sounds similar to that other person’s. Even the colour of her hair is the same, and the colour of her eyes too. Meanwhile that person calls Aqua ‘senpai’ and adds ‘-san’ for Megumin. But she still doesn’t use an honorific for Darkness. Wouldn’t that mean that that person thinks of Darkness as a close friend?

—It sparked the mischievous side of my heart. As Chris stood up and waved goodbye to me, I turned to her;

｢Oh right, Eris-sama; where did you end up hiding that god item you got from the lord?｣ ｢Oh, that? I put a seal on it and hid it at the bottom of that lake where the hydra used to...｣ Chris... —Or rather, the Goddess Eris; Still wearing her usual gentle smile on her face, froze in place in front of me.

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159 Afterword

Chick sexer and novelist, Akatsuki Natsume here. Anime adaptation. They’re making an anime adaptation! So, with that in mind, I want to tell you all about this, that and even the other, but please check out The Sneaker WEB for all the information. I’m not passing the buck, I just don’t have enough space in this afterword, so it’s a matter of priority, I’m sorry! So, with that said, let me move on to inform you about a very major development.

Brace yourselves; I’m now up to fan letter number 4 yahoo!

“Wow, you number those? Freak!” is what I expect to hear, but I merely organise these things properly so counting them is very easy for me. I believe it’s probably a custom of every writer to keep an archive of his fan letters and to grin smugly while staring at them. Though I must apologise and admit to not responding to any of them so far. I mean, if you even consider yourself a writer, it’s unacceptable for you to reply to a reader’s fan letter with handwriting that’s messier than theirs, so please bear with me until I improve a bit more. I’m currently reading a manga where the protagonist is a calligrapher so I don’t think it should take too long now. I get the feeling people might not want to hear me write about this when there are more important things to talk about, so let me move on.

I just recently became Saitama Natsume!

That is, I moved house. This is by no means because my parents forced me out of the house now that I found a job instead of being a member of the Home Defence Force. It’s only a short- term move, so rest assured I plan on returning to my parents’ house and becoming a shut-in as is proper. I think now is about the point where my readers are going to start shouting at me for wasting character space on this instead of giving information about the anime, so let’s get to advertising properly.

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A spinoff, separate from ｢Kono Subarashii Sekai ni Bakuen wo!｣, is to receive a short-term serialisation at The Sneaker WEB. The protagonist this time around is going to be that guy, the one who works at the unsuccessful magical item shop. As for the plot, the story has something to do with him giving advice to the townsfolk, who may have a quirk or two. The loner girl finds some bad company, a certain ojousama gets influenced by hearing about Mito Koumon from a certain NEET and becomes obsessed with acting it out, and characters who usually don’t get to be in the limelight are going to have their moment to shine, so please give it a look as well. And so, once again, I want to offer my thanks firstly to Mishima Kurone-sensei and my editor, but also to everyone else whose work went into seeing this volume published successfully. And, above all else, to the esteemed readers who purchased this book; Once again, you have my most sincere gratitude!

Akatsuki Natsume

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«I Want to Thank You from Time to Time»

«Oh! Using summer as excuse to dress all slutty, eh? Trying to lead me on, are you?» That being the first thing I said to her when she came back to the mansion, the lightly-dressed Darkness stiffened up. ｢W-Wh-Wh-What are you saying!? Is that the first thing you say to someone!? It’s only because it’s so hot outside, it’s not like I’m trying to...!｣ «You say that, but you still want it, don’t you?» ｢!? What’s wrong with you!? What on earth is wrong with you today!?｣ Hearing our exchange, Megumin, who was playing a board game with Aqua, had her jaw drop. ｢W-Where is this coming from, Kazuma? I know sexual harassment is a habit of yours, but do you not think you are being too straightforward today?｣ I threw her a glance. «A summer dress, huh? A tomboy like Megumin needs to go with something more masculine, like being naked for instance.» ｢What in the world is wrong with him!? What is this man talking about!?｣ Megumin said in a panic in front of Aqua, who sat with arms folded, nodding and brooding. «Well, the thing is...»

｢｢—A magic tool that reveals your thoughts?｣｣

«Yeah. Wiz asked me to out one of her new magic items. Since it’s summer she was wearing skimpy clothes and looked at me with upturned eyes from up close, I was glad to go along with anything she asked me.» Pretty much. At this moment, the hat I got from Wiz is on top of my head. ｢U-Um, we did not ask for that much detail... Though, I suppose that was your inner voice coming out. Why would Wiz make such a magic item in the first place...?｣ «Apparently the idea behind it is it could let you talk to monsters and animals and stuff. Wiz also went to try it out on animals, by the way. She went to this old rancher she knows who raises beef cattle.» ｢Why did you not stop her!? That old man will lose his job!｣ Then, my eyes turned to Aqua, who was groaning in front of the board game, unable to make a move. Casually, I placed the hat onto her head.

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«What should I do? If I put this piece here, I’m sure Megumin will come for that piece, being the big jerk she is. Gosh, what do I do? I never should’ve agreed to bet one side dish for every match of this game. I’m going to have to eat just rice with seasonings for dinner at this rate. If I’d known this would happen I should have just left it as that last game of rock paper scissors. I could’ve have snuck in another Blessing spell like I did back then.» Hearing Aqua’s voice echo in our heads, Megumin assaulted her. ｢Wh- What is it, Megumin, what’s with you!? You messed up the whole game! Ah, I guess that means the game’s cancelled then! We don’t have time to play another one before dinner, so I’ll let you off with another game of rock paper scissors!!｣ «She startled me but this is great! Maybe the heat got to her or something. I’m lucky Megumin is as quick tempered as Darkness!» ｢You think of me that way!? I am as calm as an Archwizard is meant to be, unlike Darkness!｣ ｢Wait, I’m not that quick-tempered...! Aqua, Megumin, is that how you see me!?｣ I snatched the hat from Aqua’s head and put it on. «So now you see how this magic tool works. ...Oh- You don’t look like you believe me, boob girl. How about you try it on next?» ｢B-Boob girl!? Is that what you always call me in your mind, you bastard!? S-Stop it! I don’t want to wear that thing! You can keep it!｣ «Tch, and I wanted to make you wear it and ask how many times you pleasure yourself in a day or something.» ｢A-A noble lady would never do something so vulgar! Aah- Stop it! It’s true! I’m not lying! I swear I’m not lying, so stop trying to sneak up on me with that!!｣ Staring at me and Darkness, Megumin let out a tired sigh. ｢Honestly... Such a magic tool should never be let out into the world. Kazuma, please take it off already. And please tell that to Wiz as well.｣ ｢All right, fine. This stupid thing caused a lot of women around town to glare at me anyway. I’ll have to avoid walking around these parts for a while.｣ ｢What were you thinking while you were walking? You did not make the police start patrolling, did you?｣ I took the hat into one hand and stretched as I walked towards the kitchen. ｢By the way, Aqua, that last game of rock paper scissors no longer counts. Sneakily using Blessing magic to raise your luck is clearly cheating. Now, let us have a rematch!｣ ｢H-How did you know!? No, I mean uh, what kind of accusation is that!? Where’s your proof!? Show me the proof that I used magic in secret!｣ ｢Aqua, just admit it. You’re only getting rice for dinner tonight.｣ ｢WHYYYYYYYY!?｣ Hearing the noise coming from the living room, I went to start preparing dinner and tossed the hat on a bottle of booze left on the table...

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«Thank you for always cleaning my grave and telling me about your adventures!» At that sudden voice, I immediately turned towards the hat. ｢What was that? ...Did I imagine it? I heard it pretty clearly though...?｣ Then, I heard Aqua’s wailing voice from the living room. ｢Kazuma-saaaan, Kazuma-saaaaan!! These two are being mean! Come on, please make lots of side dishes todaaaay!｣ ...Oh, all right. I’ll cook up one extra serving—

164 Notes

I found out how to put in Japanese quotation brackets that aren’t fixed-pitch, so no more x whatever bullshit!

As far as references go, I think I did a decent job explaining what I could in the footer TNs. One that really baffled me was the whole Kowloon’s Hydra. I have no clue if that’s some joke I’m not getting or a reference to something. Kowloon’s Gate, the PS1 game? Kowloon in Chinese is written as ‘nine dragons’, so maybe because the hydra has a lot of heads? No idea.

This volume I realized I might have to decide what the female adventurer from Dust’s party’s name is actually romanized as. Previously I went with Rin, but in hindsight that might have been wrong, given the way it’s actually written. So I decided to search a dictionary for what the kana can be romanized as, and... Leen; Rien; Lean; Leanne; Lynn; Lynne; Rene; René. There’s also the light novel series titled The Wings of Rean where it’s written the same way, so, take your pick. Personally, I think Lean might be just weird enough to be what Akatsuki-sensei was actually going for. Or maybe it’s Rean for the reference. But in the end I’m settling on Lynn. At least until I change my mind again.

Good raws were a bit of a pain to get a hold of for this volume, since it seems there’s literally one set of scans that makes the rounds across all the torrent sites and various shady DDL sites. What I eventually ended up with was labelled a “lightweight version”, whatever that means, but it came with seemingly everything except the character intros and the next volume previews. Oh well, not missing much.

This problem I fear is still present and is going to be a very big problem indeed because the raws for volume 8 that I have are absolute garbage. The images are lowres and that will most certainly punish me horribly when it comes to some of the kanji and the illustrations in the actual volume are not much better. Unless I find a way to gain access to some better scans, I don’t know what to do about that. But that’s a bridge I’ll cross when I get to it. Probably next year.

For now, as always, I want to thank Akatsuki-sensei for his work and to apologise for distributing it in this way. I also want to thank Skythewood for his own translation of this volume helping me fill in some of the gaps where my Japanese failed me. Maybe my politeness is paying off because no goons have come to shut me down yet. Or maybe it’s just that nobody knows I’m doing this. In any case, I hope to see you next volume, hopefully under similarly highres circumstances.

Until then, Merry Christmas, Happy New Year, Kotoyoro and stay away from 3DPD.

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