DESPICABLE ME 2 SCRIPT. KIDS: Ooh! Whoa! Whoa, Okay! Ta-Da! (GRUNTS) Okay, All Right
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DESPICABLE ME 2 SCRIPT. KIDS: Ooh! Whoa! Whoa, okay! Ta-da! (GRUNTS) Okay, all right. Ta-da! That's enough of Ta-da! Ta... the magic show. Ta-da! MINIONS: Aw! (BOTH GRUNTING) (GASPS) (YELLS) Wait, did you hear that? (CRASHING) It sounded like the twinkling Ta-da! (CHUCKLES) sounds of magical fairy dust. Ta-da! (GASPS) It's the fairy (MUMBLES IN MINIONESE) princess! She's coming! (MAN SPEAKING RUSSIAN (ALL GASP) OVER LOUDSPEAKER) (GAS PS) Look! (LAUGHS) (GRUNTING) (GRUNTS) Huh? on! (CHUCKLES) (SPEAKING RUSSIAN) Eh'? (BLOWS RASPBERRY) (LAUGHS) (CHUCKLING) (WHOOPING) (GRUNTING) (SPEAKING RUSSIAN) (YELLS) Ow! Huh? (GRUNTING) (BOTH SPEAKING RUSSIAN) KID: Ow. (GASPS) (GROANS) (YELLS) (GRUNTING) (GRUNTS) (GASPS AND SIGHS) (YELPS) (IN HIGH-PITCHED VOICE) (SPEAKING RUSSIAN) It is I, Gruzinkerbell, (ALL YELLING) the most magical (GROANING) fairy princess of all! (GROANS) And I am here to SILAS: Three weeks, and we're wish Princess Agnes still no closer to cracking this. a very happy birthday! Right, bring him in! How come you're so fat? Yes, sir. Because This is the best party ever! my house is made of candy, (CHUCKLES) Yeah! and sometimes I eat Ha! (BLOWS RASPBERRY) instead of facing my problems! (SQUEALS) How come you have... (WAILS) (COUGHING) Oh, no! Okay, time for cake. A dragon is approaching! ALL: Yay! (GROANS) (GROANS) (ALL YELL) Thank you, Gruzinkerbell! You're (CHUCKLING) the best fairy princess ever! Fear not, for here come the (IN HIGH-PITCHED VOICE) gallant knights to save us. You are welcome, little girl! KIDS: Yay! I know it's really you, Gru. I'm (CHATTERING IN MINIONESE) just pretending for the other kids. No, no, no. What do you Hey there, Gru. Mr. Life of the Party! mean she's not coming? (LAUGHS) I have a backyard full Hello, Jillian. of these little girls So, I'm gonna go who are counting on a visit out on a limb here, from a fairy princess. (GROANS) but my friend Natalie is Hurts! (YELLS) Stop it! recently single, and... Oop. Listen! I don't want a refund, No, no, no, get off the limb right now. I want the fairy princess, No limb. Please, please, (LAUGHS) Come on, I'm begging you. she's a riot! You know what? I hope that She sings karaoke, you can sleep at night, she has a lot of free time, you crusher of looks aren't that little girls' dreams! important to her... AGNES: Ooh, ooh! No, Jills, that is not happening. When's the fairy Seriously, I'm fine. princess coming? Okay, fine, forget Natalie. Any minute now! How about my cousin Linda? Yay! No! Stall them! Oh! Oh! I know someone whose (GRUNTS) husband just died... (CHATTERS m MINIONESE) (YELLS) (GASPS) SILAS: Good afternoon, I'm sorry, Mr. Gru. I did not see you there. Eh. (YELLS) I apologize for our methods Or there. in getting you here. (CHUCKLES) I don't. (CHUCKLES) I'd do it GRU: Kyle? Kyle? again in a heartbeat. Kyle, no! Do not do your I am not gonna lie, business on the petunias! I enjoyed that. There you go. Every second of it. Gave me Those are Fred's, go crazy. a bit of a buzz, actually. Good boy! That's enough, Agent Wilde. LUCY: Mr. Gru? Sorry, sir. (STAMMERING) I didn't... Okay, this is bogus! What? Yes? (CHUCKLES) Hi! Agent Lucy Wilde I don't know who you people of the AVL. think you are, but... Oh, (CHUCKLES) whoops! We are (CLEARS THROAT) the Anti-Villain League. Sorry, you're gonna An ultra-secret organization dedicated have to come with me. to fighting crime on a global scale. Oh, sorry, I... Rob a bank, we're not interested. Freeze ray! Kill someone, not our deal. You know, you really But you want to melt the polar ice should announce caps, or vaporize Mount Fuji, your weapons after or even steal the Moon... you fire them, Mr. Gru. Then we notice. For example... First of all, you got Lipstick taser! no proof that I did that. Oh, it works so good. Second, after I did (GRUNTS) do that, I put it back! Man! We're well aware of that, Large person. Mr. Gru. (GRUNTS) That's why we Oh, sorry. brought you here. (GRUNTING WITH EFFORT) I am the League's director, Get in there... Silas Ramsbottom. Huh? (SNORTS) Bottom. ...you big man! (CHUCKLING) Boss! Hilarious. (SIGHS) (CHATTERING IN MINIONESE) Agent Wilde? (GRUNTS) Oh, me now? Ah. Uh? Huh! Um, recently, (SCREAMING) an entire top-secret lab Whoa! disappeared from Huh? the Arctic Circle. AN. Whom! Yeah, the entire lab, just... Ooh! (IMITATES WHOOSHING) (YELLING) Gone. Where did it go? (EXCLAIMING IN MINIONESE) I don't care. Oh! Hmm. The lab was Huh? Ah. Quack, quack! devoted to experiments (DUCK QUACKING) involving PX-41, (YELLING) a transmutation serum. (YELLING) What is PX-41, you ask? (BOTH YELLING) Mmm, it's pretty bad. Look. (BOTH GRUNT) (GROANS) (BOTH EXCLAIM AGGRESSIVELY) (YELP) (PEDESTRIANS Ah! EXCLAIMING IN ALARM) (GROWLS) (HIP HOP MUSIC PLAYING) (YELLS) (CHANGING RADIO STATIONS) (ALL GROANING) MINIONS: Wow! Huh, you usually don't (HONKING HORN) see that in bunnies. (BOTH SCREAM) As you can see, in the wrong (GRUNTS) hands, the PX-41 serum (GASPS) could be the most devastating What? Where? weapon on Earth. Whoa, foot is asleep. (GRUNTS) Ah, pins and needles! Fortunately, it has a very (GROANS) distinct chemical footprint. And using the latest I was wondering if you... chem-tracking technology, Ew! Gru touched Lisa! we found traces of it Gru touched Lisa! in the Paradise Mall. KIDS: Ew! (SCOFFS) A mall? Lisa's got Gruties! Precisely. And we (KIDS SCREAMING) believe that one of these Scared? Of what? Women? shop owners is (CHUCKLES) No! That's bonkers! a master criminal. I just have no interest in going on And that's where you come in. a date, that's all. Case closed. As an ex-villain, you know how a I'm not scared. villain thinks, how a villain acts. Of women. Or dates. The plan is to set Let's go to bed. you up undercover (KISSES) at a shop in the mall, Good night, Edith. where hopefully... Good night, Margo. Okay, I see Whoa, whoa, whoa. where this is going, Hold the horses. with all the Mission: Who are you texting? Impossible stuff, but no. No! No one. Just my friend Avery. I'm a father now. Avery. (STAMMERING) Avery? Is that And a legitimate businessman. a girl's name or a boy's name? I am developing a line Does it matter? of delicious jams and jellies. No, no, it doesn't (CHUCKLING) matter unless it's a boy! "Jams and jellies"? I know what makes you a boy. Oh, attitude! Uh, ooh, That's right! 'Nu do'? So, thanks, but no thanks. Your bald head. And here's a tip. Instead of Oh, yes. tasing people and kidnapping them, It's really smooth. maybe you should Sometimes I stare at it, and imagine just give them a call! a little chick popping out. Good day, Mr. Sheepsbutt. Peep peep peep- Ramsbottom. Good night, Agnes. (CHUCKLING) Oh, yeah, Never get older. like that's any better. (SPEAKING MINIONESE) (CHUCKLING) (CHATTERING IN MINIONESE) Hello. (CHATTERS IN MINIONESE) (CHATTERING IN MINIONESE) (BLOWS RASPBERRY) (SINGING IN MINIONESE) Look, I probably shouldn't Hey, oh! be saying this, (CHUCKLES) (CHATTERING IN MINIONESE) but your work as a villain Uh... was kind of amazing. (CHATTERING IN MINIONESE) So, if you ever wanna get back (CHATTERING IN MINIONESE) Okay, okay. to doing something awesome, (CHATTERING IN MINIONESE) give us a call. (BLOWS RASPBERRY) (CHANTING IN MINIONESE) (SCREAMING) (GRUNTING) (YELLING IN MINIONESE) Hey, I told you (GRUNTS) guys to get to bed. Hey, Tim, nice haircut! Oh, sorry. Donnie, hang in there, baby! So, when you going It's almost Friday. on your date? So, how's today's batch, What? Dr. Nefario? Remember, Miss Jillian said she I developed a new formula was arranging a date for you. which allowed me Yeah, well, she is a nut job, to get every known and I'm not going on any date. kind of berry into Why not? Are you scared? one flavor of jelly. (GASPS) (GROANS) Hey, did you guys see (HEAVES) the Moon landing on TV? That tastes good! Yeah, I can't believe it. I love the flavor of that! It's so cool! (SHUDDERS) Excuse me? Lisa? It's horrible, isn't it? I was talking to No, no! Billy the other day. Oh, we're making No way! great progress! He is so cute. Here, try some of this. Ah. (CLEARS THROAT) Hey, Lisa, Mmm. (CHATTERS IN MINIONESE) celebrity do you look like? (MUFFLED MUTTERING) Uh, Bruce Willis. Ah. Mmm, no. (MINIONS SCREAMING) Humpty Dumpty! Whoa. Ooh, Gollum! Okay, just because everybody hates (LAUGHING) it, doesn't mean it's not good! Okay, (CHUCKLING) Listen, GrU. what are you doing'? There's something We're signing you I've been meaning up for online dating! to talk to you Oh, okay. What? No, no, no. about for some time now. Oh, come on. It's fun. What'? What's wrong? And it's time for Um... (CLEARS THROAT) you to get out there. I miss being evil. No! Stop! No one is ever Sinister plots, large-scale getting out there! Ever! crimes, it's what I live for. Oh! Okay, now for I mean, don't you think there's the announcement. more to our future than jelly? I have accepted a new job.