THE ichigan eview MThe Journal of Campus Affairs at theR University of Michigan www.michiganreview.com VOLUME XXVI March 18, 2008 ISSUE 12

MI House Bills Would Relax Rules on Guns in Schools

By Michael O’Brien, ‘08

n the heels of high- Oprofile shootings at North- ern Illinois University and the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill, two bills before the Michigan House of Representa- tives could dramatically reshape gun laws on the University of Michigan campus. Two bills introduced last year—House Bill 4759 and House Bill 5162—sponsored by Representatives Daniel Accia- vatti (R-Chesterfield Twp.) and David Agema (R-Grandville), respectively, could significantly impact issues of safety in edu- cational institutions throughout Michigan, potentially even at U- M. H.B. 4759, introduced by Ac- ciavatti last May, would repeal Austyn Foster/The Michigan Review “gun free” zones in the state of Michigan, allowing licensed indi- viduals to carry concealed weap- ons freely throughout the state. Current law designates school The Maligned Minority property, day care centers, sports arenas, bars, houses of worship, By Cherri Buijk, ‘10 almost exclusively by others of her faith. Ypsilanti LDS ward are the perfect ex- entertainment venues, hospitals, She says she’d “never even met a Catho- ample of the uniqueness of the Mormon college dorms, and casinos as rin Nelson sits beside two other lic” before coming to Ann Arbor, and community here in Ann Arbor that rivals, such areas. Emembers of the Ypsilanti ward of the even now she spends a great deal of time even challenges, many of the University’s Agema’s narrower piece of Church of Latter-Day Saints (LDS) on involved with her church: a similar story own most prized self-conceptions within legislation, H.B. 5162, would al- a sunny Sunday afternoon, and laughs told by several members of the Ypsilanti its student population: its values of diver- low a teacher, administrator, or warmly. ward. sity, intellectual creativity, community other school employee to carry a “The question I get asked the most is This would seem the expected portrait and even global awareness. concealed weapon how many moms I have,” she says. of a member of a faith community consid- That uniqueness begins on school prop- Nelson is a freshman at the University ered widely to be small, obscure, and con- with the way in which the erty, if authorized >> of Michigan’s School of Music and a Mor- servative. Church of Latter Day Saints >> by the chief execu- 8 mon from Provo, Utah, a city populated Yet Nelson and the members of the is structured: geographi- 7 Feature News News Arts & Culture

U-M Explains Reasoning Behind Shingwani Expected to CMU Student Faces Ever Heard of This ‘Dolly Publications Policy Withdrawal Take MSA Elections Expulsion for Lama’ Dude? Challenging Professor

By Adam Paul ‘08 By Michael O’Brien, ‘08 By Jonathan Slemrod, ‘10 By Eddie J. Perry, ‘09

ast week, the University withdrew a draft lections March 19 and 20 t is not always easy be- he Dalai Lama is the mag- Lpolicy on distribution of student publications. Efor the Michigan Student As- Iing a conservative on campus, Tistrate of Tibetan Buddhism. A The policy had hoped to reduce litter and to eliminate sembly (MSA) presidency will be but 23-year old Central Michigan common lineage that has been intact the distribution of publications not affiliated with the virtually uncontested, with LSA University (CMU) junior Dennis since 1391 exists and Tenzin Gyatso University. E-mail documents obtained by the Review Junior and MSA Treasurer Sabrina Lennox has a particularly difficult is the most recent Buddhist monk to show that consideration of the policy began last spring Shingwani facing only token oppo- time. Lennox, a conservative activ- inherit this. He is a member of the and that several draft copies had been developed since sition from Defend Affirmative Ac- ist known for his involvement with Gelug School of Tibetan Buddhism then. tion Party candidate Kate Stenvig. both Young Americans for Freedom and is serving as the fourteenth and Since the policy was covered by stories in The Mich- Shingwani, a sociology major (YAF) and Campus Conservatives current Dalai Lama. igan Review and Michigan Daily in January, the Student from New York, has been with MSA is embroiled in controversy with the The Dalai Lama is coming to Publications Board initially planned to meet with edi- since her freshman year. Shingwani Central administration over Gary Crisler Arena at the University of tors at The Michigan Daily to discuss and Sohoni have as- Peters, a political science professor Michigan on April 20, 2008 to give a the policy. sembled a platform that is running free lecture. that echoes the same for Congress. 6 >> policies articulated. 6 >> 12 >> 10 >> www.michiganreview.com P. 2 3.18.08 THE MICHIGAN REVIEW www.michiganreview.com page two. Editorial Board: the michigan review Michael O’Brien ■ Serpent’s Tooth Editor-in-Chief

New York Governor Eliot Spitzer re- AEPi held a St. Patrick’s Day party a ban on text messages while driv- Adam Paul signed recently after the New York this past weekend, featuring green ing. Kwame Kilpatrick is expected Executive Editor Times revealed that he had spent beer, the Sklar Brothers, and a me- to veto the piece of legislation. close to $80,000 on a high-priced chanical bull. Yep, nothing says Brian Biglin prostitute. This is how the Clinton Irish pride like a bunch of Jews, a Managing Editor campaign rewards its superdel- redneck pastime, and b-list actors. egates. After hearing the news, De- troit Mayor Kwame Kilpatrick has In recent news, a woman in Kansas napologetic hout Rebecca Christy had to be removed by paramedics U S - Senior Editor from her bathroom, where she had Out of the Week: spent two straight years on the toi- Jane Coaston let. Wow, that must have been one Lindsey Dodge hell of a Big Ten Burrito. “Stuff White People Jonathan Slemrod The Michigan Basketball team Like” Assistant Editors finished its season in the Big Ten Tournament, losing to ranked op- ponent Wisconsin. Disappointed Business Staff: in progress by first year coach John announced he will hire the hooker, Beilein, football trainer Mike Bar- Karen Boore Ashley Alexandra Dupre, as his wis and Women’s Basketball Coach Publisher new chief of staff. Kevin Borseth beat Beilein to death, and then fought each other to see Danny Harris In recent news, convicted felon and who would get to consume the raw euthanasia enthusiast Jack Kevork- flesh. Anna Malecke ian has thrown his hat in the race Associate Publishers against Republican Congressman A recent article in the Ann Arbor Joe Knollenberg. Kevorkian an- News “exposed” that Michigan ath- Nick Cheolas nounced his campaign platform letes were steered to easier courses Editor Emeritus of promising to involuntarily eu- in the University. The article in- thanize most members of Congress. dicated that students seem to like Asked for comment, Kevorkian taking easier courses, as opposed to Staff Writers: said, “What, you mean Robert Byrd difficult ones. Asked for comment, isn’t dead already?” the entire student body said, “Eff- Steven Bengal, Cherri Buijk, Samm Etters, ing duh.” Austyn Foster, Erika Gonzalez, This year’s official feast day of St. This blog lampoons the Josh Handell, Kris Hermanson, Alyse Hudson, Patrick fell on a Saturday, leaving The Michigan Daily reported that Christine Hwang, Erika Lee, Eun Lee, Megan Lytle, campus, coupled with the year’s an Ann Arbor ordinance, if en- ever-long list of cultural Evgeny Magidenko, Julianne Nowicki, first stretch of warmer weather, forced, would forbid hot dog ven- preferences of “white” peo- Adam Pascarella, Shanda Shooter, Andrea Sofian, feeling like a weekend in Septem- dors from conducting their business ple (i.e., yuppy liberals). Nathan Stano, Christina Zajicek, ber, rather than March. Other ele- near campus. No word on whether It’s a hilarious blog, and ments reminding us of September Ann Arbor will begin work on that Letters and Viewpoints: include drunken freshmen girls in ordinance removing the bums that we dare our white readers miniskirts crowding into frat par- tend to locate within a ten yard ra- to not find something they The Michigan Review accepts and encourages letters to ties. Which is just as well, because dius of each hot dog stand. identify with. the editor and viewpoints. Letters to the editor should GHB is disguised more easily in be under 300 words. Viewpoints can be arranged by green beer. The City of Detroit recently enacted contacting the editorial board. We reserve the right to edit for clarity and length.

Send all correspondence to [email protected]. ■ Letter from the Editor About Us:

The Michigan Review provides a broad range of in-depth he Ann Arbor Police Department’s vice squad girl’s birthday, sued her friends and the bar that served coverage of campus affairs and serves as the literary voice Tis probably going to come after the Review one of her. Also, Alyse Hudson explores an emerging—and of conservatism and libertarianism at the University of these days. troubling—trend on campus of students, young wom- Michigan. The Review is published bi-weekly September After issues this year exploring sex on campus, the en in particular, being “drunk-arexic”—that is, eating thru April. market from drugs, and all sorts of other illicit and taw- less before going out to maximize alcohol’s impact, and dry activities college students often indulge, this issue minimize caloric intake. Donate/Subscribe: comes back with a heavy, heaping dose of more—and, And, of course, we had to revive the St. Patrick’s just in time for St. Patrick’s day! Day diary. Lindsey Dodge tells us about her escapades The Michigan Review accepts no financial support from There is, for instance, plenty of content this issue (including a suspiciously long blackout period in the the University. Therefore, your support is critical and on firearms. Ouroff-lede story talks about several bills middle of the afternoon) in our Arts and Culture Col- greatly appreciated. Donations above $40 are eligible for that could significantly deregulate the “gun free” zones umn (page 10). a 1-year (12 issues) subscription. Donations can be made in Michigan, potentially even those that govern the Beyond that, we’re covering a number of great on our website at , or mailed www.michiganreview.com University of Michigan campus (page 1). I believe this stories going on through the state. On our back page, to: issue captures a flashpoint of debate on campus. For Jonathan Slemrod sheds light on the case of Central instance, Megan Lytle reports on a recent YAF event, Michigan University student Dennis Lennox, who has 911 N. University, Suite One Ann Arbor, MI 48109 which brought in NRA representatives arguing for been hounding a CMU professor, Gary Peters, who is greater gun rights (page 8). running as a Democrat for Congress. Lennox objects The Michigan Review is the independent, student-run journal of conserva- And, indeed, our opinion pages capture the breadth to Peters’ serving concurrently as a professor, on the tive and libertarian opinion at the University of Michigan. We neither solicit nor accept monetary donations from the University. Contributions to The of debate on the issue. Our editorial board believes that state’s payroll, while running for Congress. But in try- Michigan Review are tax-deductible under section 501 (c)(3) of the Internal the current state of gun regulation on campus is ad- ing to question Peters, he’s been the brunt of CMU’s Revenue Service Code. The Michigan Review is not affiliated with any politi- cal party or any university political group. equate and should remain unchanged (page 4). Jona- wrath, making national headlines. than Slemrod, on the opposite page, files his dissent, That and so many more good stories are in this is- Unsigned editorials represent the opinion of the editorial board. Ergo, they arguing that the greater the scope of gun rights, the sue. As we near the end of the school year, with only are unequivocally correct and just. Signed articles, letters, and cartoons rep- resent the opinions of the author, and not necessarily those of The Review. greater freedom we all enjoy (page 5). one more issue to go, I don’t think we’ve run out of The Serpent’s Tooth shall represent the opinion of individual, anonymous Also, as always seems to be the case on our mid- steam. Rather, we’re sprinting toward the finish line. contributors to The Review, and should not necessarily be taken as repre- sentative of The Review’s editorial stance. The opinions expressed in this March issues, drinking is a constant theme. On page publication do not necessarily reflect those of the advertisers or the three, we have a great package of articles exploring Best, University of Michigan. the latest legal and practical stories when it comes to Copyright © 2007, The Michigan Review, Inc. All rights reserved. drinking in college. Lindsey Dodge looks at the dif- Michael P. O’Brien The Michigan Review is a member of the Collegiate Network. ferent ways different groups with different interests Editor-in-Chief measure what “binge” drinking is. Andrea Sofian ex- amines the case of one Minnesota girl’s family, who, after their daughter died of alcohol poisoning on the 3.18.08 P. 3

nethe michigan ws. review Students in Minnesota Held Liable College Students for Friend’s Drinking Death Increasingly

By Andrea Sofian, ‘08 on them.” In response to the same question, Engineer- “Drunk-arexic” any of us have either turned 21 or have ing senior Brian Wolak said, “Depending on their Mwitnessed friends turning 21. This is an ex- state, I would place them on their side, monitor citing part of a person’s life—being able to legally their breathing, get an ambulance or take them to When Going Out drink, buy alcohol, and participate in a whole new the hospital to get their stomach pumped. It really world of social interactions. Unfortunately, this le- depends whether they came back and just fell over, By Alyse Hudson, ‘11 gal right can be abused, causing accidents or, even passed out, or if I was drinking with them the whole worse, untimely deaths. night and they just got tired and went home.” t is common around campus for people to skip din- Amanda Jax, a Minnesota State University– According to these student interviews, it is a Iner to make up for the numerous calories they are plan- Mankato student, died after consuming too much rare occasion that friends are intentionally trying to ning on consuming in alcohol that night. No big deal, right? alcohol on her 21st birthday in October 2006. Now, harm each other when they go out drinking. In gen- Wrong. almost half a year later, Jax’s parents are trying to eral, the intent is just to have a good time. After an This ordinary practice is actually a specified form of an- sue the bar that served her the night of her death over-intoxicated friend is tucked into bed, though, orexia referred to as drunk-orexia. Drunk-orexia feeds on as well as Jax’s friends who took part in giving her there is not much anyone can do for this person if the pressure to stay in physically good shape while still be- drinks. They argue that since Jax’s friends helped the amount of drinking before caretaking was too ing able to party and have a good time. serve her alcohol, they should be at least partially irresponsible. Body images can easily be skewed. According to the responsible for her death in the eyes of the law. Mark Solheim, defense attorney for Hannah University Health Service (UHS), body images may be Taking care of a friend when he or she has had Becker, one of Jax’s friends, told the Twin Cities’ impacted by occurrences college students everywhere en- too much to drink is something that most college FOX affiliate, “The bottom line is that a drinking counter: “physical and emotional separation from family, students have dealt with, or will in the future. To companion has no legal duty to protect another.” requirements for high academic performance, transitions some students, going out for a few drinks is a way Amanda Jax took her birthday festivities too between living arrangements, beginning or ending a sig- for them to get away from all the stress and dead- far. This scenario could happen to anyone; it could nificant relationship, and graduation.” lines that school places on them. happen to you at the University of Michigan. Drink There is a thin line between restricted eating and diet- Senior Kevin Tucker said he often takes care of socially, have fun, but be responsible about the ing. Erica Dodde, a health educator for UHS and a coor- friends after they have had a hard night of drink- amount of alcohol you are consuming. If it is obvi- dinator for CARE (Coalition for Action Regarding Eating ing. “I let them act like an idiot for a bit, have a few ous that a friend has drunk too much, get help. MR and Body Image Issues) and PULSE, does not recommend laughs, and make sure at the end of the night they either. She says, “Many people who suffer from an eating are safe in their bed,” he said. “Most times, you disorder started with an innocent diet. Diets are not an ef- know when a good friend is going to end up that fective way to lose weight,” she said. “In fact, ninety-five drunk, so I guess I stay sober enough to keep an eye percent of diets fail. Eating when you are hungry and what your body truly craves is the best way to regulate weight. However, this is difficult because most people are out of touch with what their body needs with regard to food and movement.” Different Metrics Leave Definition “If thoughts are focused on calories all the time, there is a problem,” she added. For students to understand how to maintain a healthy of “Binge” Drinking Unclear lifestyle, CARE is sponsoring ten to twelve students to at- By Lindsey Dodge, ‘10 people who don’t know how much they can han- tend “The Hunger Within” workshop, which focuses on dle…but maybe the aim is to be belligerent.” emotional eating by nationally recognized author Marilyn here is a humorous bumper sticker occa- The problem is often viewed as more of a social Migliore. The workshop is for one hour on Wednesday eve- Tsionally seen around campus that says: “Enjoy issue than a health one. Steig comments, “If these nings starting on April 16th and running until June 18th. yourself—after college it’s called alcoholism.” Peo- binge-drinkers don’t have a problem with people Although drunk-orexia is not officially recognized as an ple may be surprised by just how true the average making judgments on how they portray them- eating disorder by UHS, Erica Dodde still says, “Whenever night at U-M fits this bill. selves, then I guess it’s fine. I don’t make judgments someone starves himself or herself through the day and The concept of a binge drinker may commonly based on how much people drink, but it definitely then binges on anything, it can be considered disordered be accepted around campus as Bluto from “Animal happens.” In a culture where most people feel that eating or an eating disorder.” House,” but the term “binge drinker” is a contro- they should be able to drink legally, despite the ma- Skipping meals is not only unhealthy, but combining versial one. jority of students being under-age, the issue of irre- that with massive amounts of alcohol creates a dangerous “It’s really hard because addressing alcohol on sponsible drinking is a complicated one. combination. “Alcohol is an irritant and without food to a college campus is complicated. Sometimes [binge The government has taken some individual protect the stomach lining, it irritates the stomach lining drinking] is not a very helpful term because it is not approaches towards the issue of binge drinking and increases the likelihood for blackouts,” said Mary Jo specific enough,” said Mary Jo Desprez, the Alco- among college students. Ever since the original Desprez, University of Michigan Alcohol Policy and Com- hol Policy and Community Initiative Program Ad- government “Task Force report,” a number of new munity Initiatives Program Administrator. ministrator at U-M. studies have examined measures to reduce drink- Desprez also explains, “Alcohol is a diarrhetic and is According to the National Institute for Alcohol ing among “mandated” students, who are defined full of empty calories. When people swap the caloric intake Abuse and Alcoholism (NIAAA), binge drinking is as “students who have been identified as having a from meals for that of alcohol, they lose the nutritional val- defined as “a pattern of drinking alcohol that brings problem with alcohol and who have been mandated ue.” BAC to about .08 or above.” This is further speci- to receive intervention and/or treatment for their Drunk-orexia is especially prevalent in women. It is fied to mean about 5 drinks for men and 4 drinks problems.” Unfortunately, studies have also shown suggested that this is the case due to media pressure by so- for women in about 2 hours. This is the generally that not only are these students least likely to par- ciety to look perfect as well as collegiate pressures to drink accepted term, although of course there are people ticipate, but they are also most likely to experience competitively with men. In addition, alcohol takes it’s effect with higher and lower tolerances, and difficulties or create alcohol-related problems on campus. on women’s bodies faster for several reasons. arise from cross-studies that are not specific enough There has been some evidence, provided by Women usually have a smaller body size and a differ- in their definition of “one sitting” or “at one point.” national studies from NIAAA, that web-driven or ent body composition than men, but women’s bodies also U-M conducted a Student Life Survey in 2007 technological programs are easier to administer to contain more body fat, which has less water to dilute the that recorded U-M specific statistics concerning on- college students. All the sororities and fraternities alcohol in the body. campus drinking patterns. In a confidential, ran- on U-M’s campus are required to participate in an Hormonal changes also alter the affect of alcohol on the dom email invitation from the registrar, students alcohol education program before initiation into body. A woman’s reaction to alcohol is more severe when were asked about their drinking experiences in the their respective organizations, indicating that at she is about to start her period or if she is taking birth con- past two weeks. forty-eight percent of respondents least the Greek system has an organized approach trol. claimed that they did not binge-drink at all. Thirty to responsible drinking on campuses. “Women do not have as much of the enzyme alcohol percent admitted to occasional bingeing (one or two UHS, compelled by the controversy over the dehydrogenase as men do. It is this enzyme that breaks times in the past two weeks), and twenty-two per- definition of “binge-drinking,” has begun to discuss down the alcohol, and therefore, women have a higher cent fell in the “frequent” bingers category. creating a system to monitor the number of alcohol- blood alcohol level,” said Desprez. Junior and President of the sorority Pi Beta Phi, related health visits to UHS that occur every year. If someone feels he or she has a problem with alcohol, Sharon Steig, said that she definitely observes this MR the University provides a program called BASICS. Accord- irresponsible drinking on campus. ing to UHS, “BASICS is a two-session alcohol assessment “People don’t know how much they’ve been and education program offered free to all University of drinking, and they think that a cup of jungle juice Michigan students who want to explore their alcohol use.” counts as one drink,” said Steig. “It’s a problem for MR P. 4 3.18.08

editorials.the michigan review The Review welcomes letters to the The Michigan Review editor. Send letters to: he Michigan Review is the independent, student-run Tjournal of conservative and libertarian opinion at the Uni- versity of Michigan. Unsigned editorials represent the opinion of [email protected] the Editorial Board. Ergo, they are unequivocally correct and just. Signed articles, letters, and cartoons represent the opinions of the The Review reserves the right to edit author, and not necessarily those of the Review. letters to the editor for length and clarity.

More Guns Not the University of MSA Elections Answer to Campus Michigan: The Lack Any and All Violence Phantom Menace Impact

n the past year, college students have seen their he University of Michigan has withdrawn its ast month, the Russians held an election that Iimmediate horizons riddled with the news of cam- Tproposal on student publications that would have Lwas all but predetermined. This week MSA will pus shootings. From last year’s Virginia Tech massacre significantly curtailed free speech rights on campus. hold similarly pointless elections. Yet while the Rus- to the more recent shooting at Northern Illinois Univer- For that, we are glad. sians flocked to the polls, almost no students will make sity, and the tragic murder of North Carolina’s student But like many other things at this University, the the effort to cast, easy-to-access online ballots. body president, Eve Carson, the issue of gun violence administrators have not explained the decision in In the lead-up to the elections this Wednesday and has become relevant to college students in ways it nev- any meaningful way. In an interview with University Thursday, anyone who is a Facebook friend with a can- er should have. spokeswoman Kelly Cunningham in a story for this is- didate or happens to be on a large U-M e-mail list will Different people have different instinctual reactions sue, she claimed that the policy was withdrawn simply surely get a flurry of e-mails telling them to vote for to these crimes, but one thing is certain—we all want to because the University came to the apparently uninflu- students with pointless platforms and little substance. blame someone or something. Solutions are bandied enced decision that the problems the regulations had Michigan Action Party itself is a loose coalition about, from different interest groups and ideologues, sought to address—eliminating commercial publica- more determined to chalk the recently unfrozen Diag but, not so strangely, few of them satiate an appetite tions and reducing litter—were not actually problems, than to create any unified policy proposals. While we for a kind of comprehensive reform that would make after all. are glad to see that MAP rejects the openly political students, on balance, safer. We think the University is lying. posturing that resulted in the over hyped election in the But in the absence of real leadership, piecemeal and The idea that U-M would have likely come to the fall of 2006, the current decision to avoid controversy patchwork solutions have been proposed. One of those same conclusions about this policy absent the negative fails to improve the assembly. Even when presented solutions is to allow college students to carry concealed publicity brought by The Review and The Daily’s stories with fiercely ideological parties, students (with nearly weapons on campus. is laughable. Like its preordained decisions on com- a quarter of students voting) chose the vanilla Students As the law currently stands, educational institu- mencement and other issues, U-M was burned by their for Michigan Party (S4M). Since most of S4M’s mem- tions are “gun free” zones, where firearms are not al- own poor foresight when those decisions were made bers transferred over to MAP, MSA has had a one-par- lowed. Under current law (at least in Michigan), similar public. The University has had to backtrack on so many ty rule for at least the past four years. zones include bars and churches, among other places. It decisions in the past two years that we have to wonder When MSA has managed to attract student inter- leaves a situation on campus where only officials from if anyone on campus is truly in control. est it has often been for its missteps. MSA’s “Ludacris” the Department of Public Safety are (legally) allowed Indeed, it may be the case that the University is decisions to confront issues, like the Israeli-Palestinian to carry guns. not even sure who is in control. When Cunningham conflict, that it has little jurisdiction over make almost Pro-gun advocates maintain a familiar argument: was asked about which administrators would have the no sense. Even MSA’s attempt to revive homecoming in areas where guns are outlawed, only the criminals power to enact the publications policy, how the decision failed to engage students. carry guns. Fair enough. But we still remain uncon- to withdraw the policy was made, and who ultimately Given this track record and the lack of choices vinced that opening up the U-M campus—or any other made the decision to withdraw it, Cunningham did not available to students in this election, either MAP or the campus, for that matter—to concealed carry yields a know. She essentially said that there was no nexus of Defend Affirmative Action Party, we find the student net positive for the Michigan community. power in deciding to withdraw the policy, which is ei- apathy surrounding this election far from surprising. In We do not discount the very plausible arguments ther troubling, or obfuscation of the truth. fact it may be preferable. Students have given a clear about guns’ potential ability to take down a campus “It’s a very decentralized University,” Cunning- signal that MSA just does not matter to their lives. Even gunman. And we acknowledge the basic point that the ham told us. when former MSA President Zack Yost resigned, fol- Second Amendment protects, to some degree, individ- For an office called “media relations,” the shop run lowing disparaging comments about another assem- uals’ rights to own guns, and use them in self-defense. by Ms. Cunningham, et al., has done a poor job man- bly member with Asperger’s syndrome, few students But we believe that by opening the door to the in- aging its relationship with the media on this story. We seemed to care. troduction of firearms on campus, on balance, the im- like and respect that office, but cannot help but think Sure, MSA has a budget exceeding half a million pact would be negative. that the office is trying to snow over The Review, The dollars and has access to the administration. Yet the best The deterrent effect is minimal. Campus gunmen, Daily, and other publications on campus when trying way to prevent MSA from taking action that has little it should be noted, are not the most reasonable fellows. to explain its reasoning in withdrawing the policy. impact on students is not to fight individual policies of Their mission is most often suicidal; the thought that a We like Cunningham and her office. We think they the assembly. Many of the more tangential resolutions, student in one of their classes might also be carrying a generally do good work trying to scrimp together facts such as one against the War in Iraq, are introduced at weapon does not seem as though it would be a terribly on an otherwise nebulous campus. But we cannot help the whim of a few assembly members, often on short effective deterrent. but feel that, in this case, they have been charged with notice, and are unlikely to disappear unless a high level There is also the serious issue of how allowing con- having to bury this story. of student scrutiny comes into vogue; that’s an unlikely cealed carry on campus would affect the ability of law And that is unfortunate. It represents another way outcome. enforcement officials to do their job effectively. The gun- in which the University is trying to serve its own in- Rather, the current apathy benefits students by re- man at Northern Illinois University, Steven Kazmierc- terests while throwing the First Amendment values, moving most of MSA’s authority. The Assembly can, zak, having no record of mental disturbance or a prior which they often glowingly praise, under the bus. and will, continue to propose needless resolutions that criminal record, would have easily been able to contain If the University intends to hold up its supposed do more to pad resumes than benefit students. Yet a concealed carry permit for his weapons (which he commitment to the First Amendment, it needs to be when the administration, and external organizations, purchased legally). The gambit for Kazmierczak is that, more forthcoming about the nature of the internal pro- realize the paltry number of students who vote, they on a campus where concealed carry is allowed, even cesses that led to the withdrawal of the policy. This is are unlikely to take the insular concerns of MSA seri- if a public safety official had noticed the maniac had a important for reasons of accountability and transpar- ously. weapon, he would have had no power to stop him. A ency. So, feel free to continue whatever plans you had campus environment that clearly distinguishes who is The University must be held accountable for its for this week and let MSA elections just happen. Those and who is not allowed to have guns is a campus more decisions. A free press on campus helps speak truth to who so desperately want to get elected are going to end prepared to hinder the rampages of the deranged. the power that is U-M. When the administration tries to up in office if a few extra students vote or not. Lastly, we would regret to see the introduction of stifle the flow of information to the student press, it is Not voting would hardly be a shirking of one’s guns onto campus in the name of “security,” when, in manipulating the students it is supposed to serve. responsibility; the fact of the matter is that the “duty” reality, we are confident that a number of University of In terms of transparency, this is always important to vote does not apply when there are no options on Michigan students would feel anything but secure. for any public institution, and the University of Michi- which to vote. MR Our challenge to University administrators and gan is no exception. The administration should be more lawmakers alike—in not just this context, but others open to investigations by ourselves and other campus around the country—is to come up with solutions to publications. campus gun violence that are more compelling than But, as things stand, the University has closed it- letting college students (Admittedly, we can be an ir- self off to public inquiry. And for that, we are a lesser responsible bunch.) carry around guns if they wish. school. MR Campus violence is a serious matter. Allowing stu- dents conceled carry is not a serious solution. MR 3.18.08 P. 5

■ The Model Minority True History istorical memoirs are in The New York Times. Its “humane and It was even made into a moderately those that were there, I can understand Hmeant to be just that—historical. deeply affecting” aspects that “focus[ed] successful French film. But the story what it was like to be in that place. But They establish a link for the reader to on the bonds of love and loyalty that unraveled when simple detective work if historical narratives are based on their the past, be it distant or recent. And can bind relatives and gang members proved that Defonesca was actually Mo- literary value rather than fact, historians they are intended to be factual depic- together,” according to the review, nique De Wael, the child of two Catho- are the losers. And if we cannot rely on tions illustrated turned out to be the result of the imagi- lics murdered as part of the Belgian Re- the words of someone who claims to be with emotional nation of a single white mother from a sistance. De Wael claimed that Mischa’s relaying fact, so are we. details and per- wealthy background. story was “not actual reality, but was Had these two women written sonal anecdotes. The other incident is, in my opin- my reality, my way of surviving.” their stories as works of fiction, their But the publish- ion, more egregious—for the topic Perhaps more disturbing than works could have been respected solely ing world has and the length of time historians and both women’s lies is the claim by some for their literary value and appreci- been rocked in literary critics considered its story a pin- literary critics that the validity of these ated accordingly. The stories they told recent weeks by nacle of truth. “Misha: A Mémoire of memoirs, or lack thereof, does not could have brought attention to their the uncovering the Holocaust Years,” written by Misha matter. Like the famous example of causes. But instead, they became just of not one, but Defonseca, was the “true” story of a Rigoberta Menchu who held that her two more cautionary tales of the dan- two fraudu- girl who survived terrible odds alone story was true for someone, some are gers of falsifying historical narratives. lently written during the Holocaust. She lived with saying that just because the stories these What they wrote no longer matters; it’s ane memoirs. J a family of wolves and stabbed a Nazi two women told aren’t entirely factual how they wrote it that does. Histori- One, writ- Coaston officer who attempted to rape her. De- doesn’t mean they couldn’t be. cal narratives are not the place for, in ten by a woman spite the far-fetched nature of the story, But they weren’t. Stephen Colbert’s words, “truthiness.” who claimed Defonesca gained national acclaim as They didn’t happen. They should not be “like” the truth or to be half-Native American and to have the source of a new perspective on the As a student of history, I rely on a “reflection” of the truth, if they are witnessed countless gang shootings in horrors of the Holocaust. The memoir historical narratives and memoirs. I truly to be considered in the category of the ghettoes of South Central Los Ange- was published in 1997, though she had can’t be at the location of famous events, history. They should be the truth, plain les, was unmasked as a fake by a review been telling her story for decades prior. but through the words and thoughts of and simple. MR

■ Free to Choose The Fear of Freedom don’t usually find myself disagreeing with after submitting to mandatory safety training. The Review wants the administration to come IThe Michigan Review editorial position. Generally, In a heated discussion in our office, severalRe - up with “solutions,” but, of course, does not offer the Review comes down on the side of conservatism view staffers noted that they “do not feel safe” know- any themselves. Trusting the University to solve the in the spirit of William F. Buckley or Ronald Reagan, ing that students could bring a gun to a class and start problem of school shootings is to completely disre- promoting less government and individual liberty as shooting if they get a bad grade on a test, for example. gard the fact that any “solutions” we have seen in its guiding principles. The I for one do not feel safe knowing that my fellow staff- recent months haven’t been solutions at all. Indeed, Review routinely fills the void ers (who would generally like to regard themselves their solution to Proposal 2, which banned affirma- left by the Daily —criticizing as conservatives) feel safe giving more power to the tive action by an overwhelming margin, was to find the University and politicians government and denying students the fundamental, every possible way to skirt the law. Their solution to when they are clearly in the Constitutionally-derived right to bear arms. their own perceived funding shortfalls was to advo- wrong. And more often than Contrary to the Review’s defining of CCW advo- cate strapping Michigan residents with more taxes not, it has taken a “hands off” cates as “pro-gun advocates,” I am not pro-gun. My even though we remain in a single-state recession. I approach—hands off of my family has never owned a gun, nor have I, and I do am confident that theReview agrees with me on these wallet, hands off my schools, not plan on owning one at any point in my life. I am points, as they have in the past. But in this case, they and hands off of my rights. In simply in favor of Constitutional rights, and I refuse to have no problem giving the University more power to this issue, nothing could be abandon my principles because there is a small chance regulate. further from the truth. that a student with a gun would “snap” and start kill- Fear alone is not a legitimate justification for At hand are two bills in ing people. more government control and less freedom, even in onathan front of the Michigan legisla- J Why hasn’t the Review editorialized against gun the realm of gun rights. My fellow Review staffers ture that would abolish the Slemrod rights entirely? After all, current concealed carry should take a cue from their newfangled hero Franklin current policy of “gun free” permits allow people to bring guns into densely-popu- Delano Roosevelt, who eloquently stated that the only zones. These establish the lated areas such as shopping malls and movie the- thing to fear is fear itself. MR precedent that law enforcement officers should be the aters. Surely, they must feel “unsafe” knowing that a sole entity allowed to carry firearms on educational deranged moviegoer could stand up and wipe out an grounds. Students would be able to obtain a concealed entire crowd when they find out that Harry Potter will carry permit (CCW) and carry a firearm responsibly, not be returning for another sequel.

Causes for Current Credit-Cruch Should be Lessons for Students

By Nathan Stano, ‘11 you must, as they say, “pay the piper.” to let banks lose obscene amounts of nomic ruin. As more people defaulted on loans, money, they will continue to make bad The lesson to the student is thus, here is no doubt that every student, banks’ asset columns went from black investments, and we will simply find while the Fed might be willing to bail Tfrom Wall Street Journal reading to red. Now, as the Federal Reserve is ourselves in this position again. As out the big investment banks, there B-schoolers to RC Theater students, has desperately trying to bail out the banks, your hard earned tax dollars are spent isn’t any Fed to bail you out, and no, heard of the recent economic troubles, which is akin to Ben Bernanke trying to protect investors’ bottom lines on your parents don’t count. In the end, but what can the average college stu- to bail out the Titanic with a children’s Wall Street, the government continues we must learn to be responsible with dent learn from the fall of investment sand pail, they’re lowering interest rates to debase our currency to pay for what our money, especially now that most banks? in an attempt to spur spending. This they can’t pull from our pockets. Read students carry hefty loans. If we fail to brings us full circle, to ask: wasn’t it our the classical economists and they could heed the lessons, we will end up as the It may not be a surprise that the spending that got us in trouble in the tell you more about how that works. banks did—flat broke.MR credit spending of first place? Second, as we graduate and move Staff our generation, which My argument here is twofold. First, into the “real world,” we have to rein Opinion we learned from our we must realize that this government in our spending. You get a paycheck at parents, has fueled intervention in the economy doesn’t the end of the month or every couple the rise of these banks. help any of us in the long run. If we of weeks, and every dollar over that As young people spend beyond their have a system where a bad investment paycheck you spend contributes to the means, investment banks buy up our pays the same as a good one, what’s the problems we’re having right now. If we debt as “securities.” While you can point of trying to find a good invest- cannot learn to live within our means, spend like this for a while, eventually ment? As long as the Fed is unwilling we can look forward to a future of eco- P. 6 3.18.08

nethe michigan ws. review ‘U’ Withdraws Student Unchallenged MSA Elections Publications Proposal Will Swing Shingwani to Power Shingwani refuses to rule out stances on By Adam Paul, ‘08 been involved since the beginning and that consultation with counsel did not political issues ast week, the University with- lead to the change in course. Ldrew a draft policy on distribution When the Review first ran a story By Michael O’Brien, ‘08 of student publications. The policy had about the proposal in late January, Uni- hoped to reduce litter and to eliminate versity officials did not indicate any de- lections March 19 and 20 for the Michigan Student Assembly (MSA) the distribution of publications not af- sire to alter the policy. Epresidency will be virtually uncontested, with LSA Junior and MSA Treasurer Sabrina Shingwani facing only token opposition from Defend Affirmative Action Party candidate Kate Stenvig. “It was a joint conversation amongst people who Shingwani, a sociology major from New York, has been with MSA since her freshman year. After serving as a representative, a member of the Budget Priorities were concerned with the issue,” said Committee, and as Treasurer, she has decided to run for the student body presi- dency, partnering with Business school junior Arvind Sohoni. Cunningham in response to the process that led Shingwani and Sohoni have assembled a platform that echoes the same policies to the proposal’s withdrawal. articulated, though never accomplished, by their successors. Shingwani said that during her term MSA would continue to focus on better off-campus lighting, better alumni resources in the career center, and, in this election year, increasing student filiated with the University. E-mail doc- “I don’t have any knowledge of in- voter turnout for next fall’s presidential race. uments obtained by the Review show tent to change the policy,” said Assis- “Arvind and I have a large stake in some of the same projects Zack [Yost] and that consideration of the policy began tant General Counsel Maya Kobersy at Mohammed [Dar] had in their platform,” said Shingwani. last spring and that several draft copies the time. After a school year marked by then-President Zack Yost’s resignation over con- had been developed since then. Cunningham did not comment on troversial comments made about a MSA representative with Asperger’s Syndrome, Since the policy was covered by sto- how common it is for a policy to be Shingwani said a goal of hers would be to make the MSA presidency more “public.” ries in The Michigan Review and Michi- removed from consideration. She ex- Noting that she thought Yost was correct to resign over the remarks, Shingwani gan Daily in January, the Student Publi- plained that all policies take a unique said that she and Sohoni seek to increase the accountability and transparency of the cations Board initially planned to meet direction. When asked who was in- with editors at The Michigan Daily to volved in the final decision about the discuss the policy. The director of LSA policy, Cunningham explained that Facilities and Operations announced there was no single issue that led to the “Honestly, we can do better,” the meeting would be delayed, allow- decision. ing more student groups to provide in- “It was a joint conversation amongst Shingwani said. “It’s hard to say, ‘Just trust put. No public meeting took place. people who were concerned with the us.’” The decision to withdraw the issue,” said Cunningham. policy was announced in an e-mail to “We are just saying that things are The Michigan Daily and The Michigan working very smoothly right now,” student government. Review by University spokeswoman said Cunningham. Concerns about Nonetheless, MSA elections in recent years have been plagued by low turnout, Kelly Cunningham. Cunningham said the policy itself did not come into play with less than ten percent of eligible voters casting a vote for representation of the the policy had never been finalized and rather there was a reassessment of the student government, which oversees an annual budget of over half a million dol- the decision was based upon continu- problem made the policy seem unnec- lars. ing conversations about its direction. essary. “Honestly, we can do better,” said Shingwani. “It’s hard to say, ‘Just trust us.’” No new draft versions of the policy had The policy would have ended the But Shingwani indicated that student participation is a two-way street. “The been created since January. current distribution system whereby students aren’t as aware of MSA as we should hope they would be,” she said. “It was always a draft policy, so it student publications provide their own Referencing the contested, and politicized, three-way MSA race several years was always a working document Af- distribution stands. Under the proposal ago after a controversy over losing money in financing a concert featuring rap artist ter further review it was decided that the University would have provided Ludacris, Shingwani said it the battle to win votes is frustrating. “It’s unfortunate it was not needed at this time and that “nodes” similar to the cubies currently that the election in recent years with highest voter turnout was controversial,” she things are working fairly smoothly at available at the Ugli and Pierpont Com- said. this time,” said Cunningham. While the mons. Shingwani argued that Michigan Action Party’s get-out-the-vote efforts may Office of General Counsel—the Univer- According to Cunningham, no al- sity’s legal division—was consulted ternative policies dealing with student about the policy before its withdrawal, publication distribution are being con- See “MSA” Cunningham stated that this office had sidered at this time. MR Page 7

to and are as familiar with Southeast Michigan loca- bids the consumption of alcohol, and who was made “Mormons” tions as only a few of even their Michigan-born-and- uncomfortable in bars. “My Muslim friends under- From Page 1 bred peers could boast, due to their participation in stood that perfectly,” she said. social and religious events at other wards in places like John McElderry, a Mormon graduate student work- cally, designed to cater to changing population needs. Bloomfield Hills, and to the nature of their own ward, ing on his PhD in analytical chemistry at Michigan, has According to Ypsilanti ward member Daniel Magle- which intermixes students from other local colleges like had similar experiences in making friends with Jewish by, a third year Political Science graduate student at Eastern Michigan University. students. And Nelson is currently observing Lent after the University, Mormon wards are capped at about Membership in the Ypsilanti ward also means that learning about it from friends of different dominations three hundred members, and those wards are further both Michigan undergraduate and graduate students on campus, finding the concept of Jesus Christ’s forty- grouped into larger geographic areas called stakes. The will be brought into close contact with each other, shar- day fast inspiring. Ypsilanti ward is meant for single persons, a typical ing their time and experiences: something that happens Their strong ties to their church have also taken feature of areas with large student populations, and it is largely, in the course of a typical Michigan student’s Mormon students across the globe, as both McElderry just one part of a much larger geographic area that also education, almost exclusively through student-instruc- and Magleby have gone on missions to Brazil to con- encompasses Ann Arbor, Saline, Howell, Adrian, and tor relations in a classroom setting. verse about the gospel from door to door. For them, Chelsea, which—according to Betsy Christensen, head As for on-campus life, several Mormon students then, it is precisely the nature of and the strength of of public relations for the area—has a membership of interviewed showed a pattern of creating diverse re- their faith that seems to take them places, to stimulate about 4,000 people. lationships with other Michigan students for reasons them personally and as community members in ways This means several things for a University of Mich- connected to the strong influence of their faith in ev- that match or even go beyond what is typical at Michi- igan student who is a member of such a congregation. eryday life. gan, where Ann Arbor can, indeed, become a “bubble.” It means they will be traveling from Ann Arbor to Ypsi- Michigan alumnae Andrea Richards, a LDS mem- MR lanti at least once a week for church services and events ber and Utah native, attended graduate school at Michi- at the ward, according to Ypsilanti ward member and gan for History. During her time at Michigan, she made second year School of Music student Erica Shirts. many friendships with Muslim students. “It really takes you into seeing what else is going on “One of the greatest differences I noticed in coming in [the state of] Michigan,” Magleby said of the experi- here was how hard it was to make friends and socialize ence. “Ann Arbor becomes a bubble.” with other students and even faculty without going to Indeed, Shirts, Nelson, and Magleby had traveled bars,” said Richards, whose beliefs as a Mormon for- 3.18.08 P. 7

nethe michigan ws. review Scholarship Athletes Face Challenges in Maintaining Eligibility Chris McLaurin is a member of the don’t think this has to do with how prof- on campus, her scholarship provides By Jane Coaston, ‘09 Michigan football team. A tight end and itable a sport is, but more on the basis of everything she needs. “My scholar- member of the special teams unit who how demanding the commitment is.” ship provides pretty much everything I cholarship athletes ap- has been placed on medical scholar- Katie Dierdorf is a senior on the would want it to: tuition, books, room Spear to have it all. Because of their ship, McLaurin was the twenty-seventh Michigan Wolverine’s women’s basket- and board, and enough money left over skills on the field, in the pool, or in the ranked weak side defender in the nation ball team. A forward from Saint Louis, to pay for my rent each month.” When arena, many college athletes are offered in high school. His scholarship provides she was Missouri’s Miss Basketball in asked if scholarship athletes for smaller- scholarships that pay for their tuition, everything he expected: “It provides 2004. At the University, she has received market sports should also receive full room, and board. But the expectations room and board, food, books and tuition, three varsity letters and been an impor- scholarships, she agreed enthusiasti- for athletes at high-level universities are and sometimes even gas expenses.” But tant participant throughout her career. cally. “I definitely do think that athletes proportionately higher as well. A lack of he recognized the difficulty that would Recruited by the University of Colorado, who play any varsity sport should be production, an injury, or a change in cir- be posed by participating in one of the the University of Missouri, and Michi- eligible for full scholarships. I know that cumstance can cause a loss of a scholar- most visible programs in the country. gan, she decided to attend the University there is a money problem because sports ship that may be the only way a student “I expected for it not to be easy, based on several factors. that do not bring in any money have no can afford school. The state of college and that I wasn’t going to get anything “The main factors in my decision way of funding their scholarships. But, athletics and scholarship athletes in par- for free. All of the time and energy that were the coaches, current players, and at a school like Michigan that has a large ticular has been a recent topic for numer- we spent down at the football building academics. I wanted a school that had a and well-funded athletic department, I ous news organizations. studying plays, working out, and prac- good mixture between athletics and aca- think something could be done to give Problematically, athletes for smaller ticing was the price of a free college ex- demics, and Michigan fit that perfectly. more scholarships to all athletes.” market sports receive much smaller fi- perience,” said McLaurin. I was offered a full scholarship every- Scholarships for athletes are a contro- nancial disbursements. According to sta- When asked if athletes from small- where I was looking, so it really had no versial issue, particularly when compet- tistics released by the New York Times, market sports should receive full schol- effect on my decision.” ing for limited funds from departments athletes in sports such as water polo arships, he answered that it depended on She is also the daughter of Dan Dier- stretched to the financial limit. For some and baseball receive as little as $5,806 the player’s involvement. “I do think this dorf, a Michigan football player and an athletes at the University, scholarships on average while being expected to par- question depends on how much time the NFL player and television analyst. “My provide everything they need; for oth- ticipate fully in the rigors of Division 1 sport that they are playing is taking up. dad went to Michigan, so my whole life ers, it’s difficult to make ends meet. MR athletics. At the University, graduation I think that for a lot of sports they do de- I wanted to go to school here. We also rates for scholarship athletes are exam- serve to be given scholarships, but some have a lot of family friends that live in ined carefully but scholarships much of the less demanding and competitive Ann Arbor, so that greatly influenced less so. Scholarship athletes themselves sports do not deserve the same. Playing my decision to come to school here.” are often the best source for understand- college athletics at a high competitive As a basketball player and thus ing how scholarships work at Michigan. level is very demanding and like a job. I one of the more visible female athletes

“MSA” From Page 6 Coming Out Week Bends Gender Barriers cause the vote total to exceed last year’s. Even accounting for expected low turn- Author Bornstein creates new pronoun, “ze” out and a lack of a major opponent, Shin- gwani will inherit a student government By Christine Hwang, ‘10 the funeral, to which ze replied, “I am she asked anxiously, mixing up names that has been lower-profile during the Mildred’s daughter.” and pronouns in the huge dose of mor- second semester tenure of MSA Presi- wenty-two years ago, Kate Bornstein went on to describe the phine, ‘Who are you?’ I told her the dent Mohammed Dar. TBornstein, formerly Albert, under- surprise of her mother’s friends, the truth: I was her baby, I always would The extent to which that might went a male-to-female sex change oper- gossip that ze pictured among old la- be. I told her I was her little boy, and change remains unclear, however. ation. Ze (“ze,” as in not “he” or “she”) dies at the next game night, the pride the daughter she never had. I told her I When asked about points of controversy described the processes at zer talk “On of zer mother in the men in her life: her loved her.” in MSA in recent years—such as reso- Men, Women, and the Rest of Us,” last father, her husband, and her two sons, “‘Ha!’ she’d exclaimed, satisfied lutions passed condemning the War in week. The event was the keynote ad- who are now one son and one lesbian. with my proffered selection of who’s, Iraq and the MCRI, and a much-debated dress of LBGT’s Pride Week. Zer mother, after all, had only told ‘That’s good. I didn’t want to lose any resolution on divestment from Israel A mix of older generations and stu- a small circle of close friends about of you, ever.’” that never received a vote—Shingwani dents attended the talk to listen to what “my son, the lesbian.” Bornstein’s story “Oh, oh, oh…I’ve done my time refused to speculate as to whether or not Kate Bornstein, an outspoken fifty-nine- flashbacked to an episode in which ze, as an evangelist,” Bornstein continued her administration would engage such year-old transsexual author, who was with zer story, “Twelve years in the issues. dressed in a multi-patterned, multicol- Church of Scientology…” “I think the role of MSA is to speak ored tank top. At this moment, a member of the to issues that directly affect students,” “I know that I am not a man…and audience shouted, “OH!” in dismay, said Shingwani. I’ve come to the conclusion that I’m Bornstein has been a with a pause that followed, and a con- However, when asked whether or probably not a woman either…the cluding laugh. not issues like divestment from Israel or problem is that we’re living in a world hippie, scientologist, “Believe me, it’s much easier to the War in Iraq directly affect students, that insists we be one or the other,” said tell people that I’m a transsexual,” said Shingwani said she would have to study Bornsetin. Ze told of grappling with the daughter, son, Bornstein. the issues further. issue when writing “Gender Outlaw: mother, father, The fact that ze has never really Also, she declined to criticize po- On Men, Women, and the Rest of Us.” spoken to zer 35-year-old daughter, litical touchstones on MSA—such as the The performance was one of a trans- lesbian, man, born, raised, and still in the Church of Environmental Issues Committee and sexual who had been an Orthodox Jew, Scientology, a church, which Bornstein the Peace and Justice Committee—who a hippie, a scientologist, a daughter, a woman, and “neither” says not only condemns transsexuals, are perceived to primarily further pro- son, a father, a mother, a heterosexual in her lifetime. but encourages the physical harm of gressive political interests. The Peace man, a lesbian, a man, a woman, and them—Bornstein wants to die knowing and Justice Committee, for instance, ultimately a “neither” in zer lifetime. zer daughter thinks of zer as more than partnered with Students Organizing for After all, as Bornstein would note later a one-dimensional “thing.” Bornstein Labor Equality and “Mexican Solidar- in zer performance, the body’s cells re- wants to reconcile the fact that ze was a ity” this year to organize events. generate every seven years. at the time a Brown University hippie devout follower of the Church of Scien- Shingwani says all funding requests “Seven years ago I had my girl skin. with “beard, beads, and suede knee- tology zerself for twelve years. for events are taken on a case-by-case Then, seven years before, I had my high moccasins with fringe hanging The lesson of the night was not one basis. And as for the committees, “It’s a lesbian skin. Then seven years before, down past my calves,” disrupted zer of equality or LGBT pride, but rather student demand on campus to have an I had my man skin. Then, seven years hometown rabbi’s sermon, an epi- one of living life: “Whatever you be- Environmental Issues Committee,” she before, I had my boy skin.” sode that ended with the rabbi asking, lieve it takes to make your life worth said. MR Enacting zer story, “Hoowahyou?,” “Hoowahyoo? You’ve got the beard, so living, just do it. It may be immoral, ille- published in The New York Times in 1998 now you’re Jesus Christ?” gal…some of it might get you in trouble as “Her Son/Daughter,” Borstein told Bornstein ended the story about zer with God…but if that happens, I’ll just the audience the experience of going to mother, reading zer writing, on a touch- serve your time in Hell for you. I’m a zer mother’s funeral. “Hoowahyou?” is ing note: “My mother only once asked masochist, I’ll enjoy Hell.” what an old Jewish woman, one of zer me, ‘Who are you?’ It was about a week “Just one rule,” said Bornstein, mother’s friends, asked Bornstein at before she died. ‘Hoowahyoo, Albert?’ “Never be mean.” MR P. 8 3.18.08

nethe michigan ws. review

“Concealed Carry” From Page 1 Joint NRA-YAF Event Takes Aim at Safety tive officer of that school. By Megan Lytle, ‘10 “The University of Michigan believes these bills primarily affect K-12 institutions,” said Di- ane Brown, a spokeswoman for the Department n Thursday, March 6, three representatives of Public Safety at U-M. She added, though, that Ofrom the National Rifle Association (NRA) gave the University is studying the implications for U- a presentation called “Refuse to be a Campus Victim.” M if these bills were to become law. Young Americans for Freedom and College Libertar- The two bills come at a time when some state ians sponsored the event. In light of the recent increase lawmakers, faced with the specter of increased in violence on college campuses, these groups feel that gun violence on college campuses, have turned discussion of safety and self-defense is extremely im- to relaxing gun regulations as a solution. The New portant. The representatives—Al Schreur, Liz Schreur, York Times recently reported on the efforts of Ari- and Al Herman—are Master Training Counselors with zona State Senator Karen Johnson, a Republican, the National Rifle Association. They are involved with to allow concealed firearms for students at Arizo- several NRA educational programs, including the Eddie na’s public colleges and universities. Eagle GunSafe Program targeted at K-3 grades and vari- Five other states are considering various ous firearm use and safety classes. Austyn Foster/The Michigan review changes in their laws to allow guns in schools, ac- The presentation opened with the viewing of a video cording to the Brady Campaign to Prevent Gun concerning the Second Amendment. It featured actor and you,” he said. “You’ve got to get out of that mode.” They Violence. former NRA director Charlton Heston giving a speech emphasized that one cannot always tell who is a criminal “Giving guns to college students would be a about the importance of gun ownership rights by indi- and it is necessary to be constantly on the lookout for po- dangerous idea, and likely lead to more deaths viduals, as he sees it. “The firearm is the most fundamen- tential danger and for ways to get out of that danger. and injuries that occur now,” said Brian Siebel, tal symbol of our freedom,” said Heston in the video. He They then shared some crime statistics from the city a senior attorney for the Brady Campaign. “We stated that “freedom-hating politicians” were working of Ann Arbor over the past year, including one homicide, think the idea of arming college students is gross- on gun control legislation and that other nations want five armed and five unarmed robberies, one attempted ly irresponsible.” the U.S. to “lower our standard of freedom to their stan- murder, one case of criminal sexual conduct, one home Acciavatti, a gun rights advocate, takes a dif- dard of freedom” via gun control laws. After the video, invasions, and one breaking-and-entering. ferent tact. “The more law abiding citizens who the instructors shared their views on the topic. “Because Various defensive techniques were discussed—from could potentially be armed, the better off the pub- of the Second Amendment, you’re able to have the First, preventative measures like awareness of surroundings lic will be in overcoming a clear criminal who is the Third, the Fourth, and the rest of them,” said Al Her- to the use of personal alarms, mace or pepper spray in not obeying the law,” he said. man. He then said that he used to carry his hunting rifle a violent situation—but very few of these involved the Acciavatti, an alumnus of the University of with him to school, but that American society today is use of firearms. The focus was mainly on preventative Michigan’s School of Engineering, said that if a overly fearful of firearms and that gun ownership rights methods and home security. The only mention of gun situation like those at Virginia Tech or North- are constantly at risk. “You can’t even draw a firearm in use for self defense came at the end, and at that point, ern Illinois were to occur at U-M, the campus school nowadays,” said Herman. it was made very clear that guns are only to be used as would rely on public safety officers to neutral- After this, the focus shifted. As Mrs. Schrew said, a last resort, and that, as in other situations, one can be ize the threat, a response he described as poten- “Refuse to Be a Campus Victim is the least political por- held legally responsible for their actions, even those tak- tially inadequate. “If I was a CCW holder, and it tion” of the NRA’s educational programs. The presen- en in self-defense. was inconvenient knowing that if I were to drive tation was not to be about politics, they said, but about Sarah Ledford, the Chair of Young Americans for through a campus, I would not be able to carry self-defense against violent crime, concentrating preven- Freedom, thought the event was very successful in shar- my weapon through that area,” he said. tative measures like risk awareness and safe behavior. ing awareness of safety issues. Agema said it is not a matter of if—but Next, pointing to a silver case that had been brought “The information provided was not only applicable when—a school in Michigan would encounter with them, Al Schreur pointed out that it could well have to gun-owners, but to all people on campus who want to a school shooting. Agema, a military veteran contained a firearm and that none of the attendees had take a proactive approach in stopping campus violence,” and retired airline pilot, drew on his experiences paid this any attention. “You trusted us, and I trusted Ledford said. MR when arguing that allowing guns in schools is a good idea. “It’s a deterrent,” Agema said. “It doesn’t mandate—but it allows—a school to have these.” Agema suggested that a school could even main- New Yorker’s Mankoff Sketches Life in Comedy tain a secure gun locker in the case of an emer- gency, instead of having school officials carrying By Adam Paul, ‘08 often less overtly political than many believe. their weapon. “People overstate us as a liberal show when it is Both Acciavatti and Agema acknowledge, omedy may be all about timing, but last week the just that power for the last eight years has been in the though, that there is little chance their bills will CU-M’s Knight-Wallace Fellows attempted to slow hands of conservatives,” said Carvell. Carvell further become law, especially in a House of Represen- down the process to explain what exactly humor is and stated that people in power are more humorous targets tatives and Governor’s Mansion controlled by how it works. The event, “The Serious Stuff about Hu- for jokes. Carvell advised that comedy only works when Democrats. “It’s not going to find any traction mor-What is it? Why is it?” brought together working people are made fun of for volitional traits rather than until somebody gets killed in Michigan,” Agema comedians and academics who study comedy to discuss things essential to their identity. said. the issue. Panelists Jerry Craft and Signe Wilkinson added Two University of Michigan regulations stip- “I think we are going to laugh today but you should perspective on print comedy. Craft, a syndicated Afri- ulate that guns are not allowed on campus. U-M’s know that there could be side-effects. You could have can-American cartoonist and author of “Mama’s Boyz,” Standard Practice Guide bars University employ- nausea, sweating, even become incontinent,” said key- said that cartoons by black artists can be marginalized. ees from possessing a firearm on any University note speaker Bob Mankoff. Mankoff, the cartoon editor “Newspapers have a Highlander syndrome with black property. Additionally, University Regents’ Or- for The New Yorker magazine, has now taught several artists, ‘There can be only one,’” said Craft. Craft stated dinances prohibit anyone but public safety offi- courses on comedy at the University, including one this that racial comedy plays on insecurities about our identi- cers from possessing firearms on any University semester. Mankoff, speeding through an abridged ver- ties to make viewers laugh. He also commented that pa- property. sion of his course, explained the process of how he se- pers dislike controversial jokes, noting a comic he wrote “We would not support a change in law that lects cartoons for the magazine. about teen pregnancy that got his strip dropped for some would allow weapons on campus other than for “Everyone, even with a perfectly good job, wants to time. police officers,” said Brown. be a cartoonist for The New Yorker,” quipped Mankoff. “Papers avoid controversial comics all the time but “The fear isn’t that if you arm college stu- Mannkoff usually responds to such requests with come- they create the greatest debate,” said Wilkinson. Wilkin- dents, you’re going to increase the massacres,” dy. “Cardiologist finds out I’m the cartoon editor for the son, a political cartoonist for the Philadelphia Daily News, said the Brady Center’s Siebel. “These events The New Yorker, says ‘Hey, I got an idea for a cartoon’, I explained that some of her cartoons, such as one about are—fortunately—extremely rare. The problem say “Great, I got an idea for a bypass.” a “radical Islamist beauty pageant” have elicited protest is that if you arm college students you’re going Kevin Bleyer, a writer for “The Daily Show with Jon from activists. At the same time, she said that such car- to get a lot of accidental shootings, suicides, and Stewart” and previously a writer for “Politically Incor- toons generate a flurry of letters to the editor on many otherwise kinds of harm.” rect” and Dennis Miller, said that explaining comedy is sides of an issue. The Supreme Court of the United States will difficult. He noted that writing for an on-air comedian, “We could transfer the center of humor studies to be hearing a case this month revisiting the scope even one who makes political commentary, is often driv- Ann Arbor this very afternoon,” said Charles Eisendrath of the Second Amendment’s protection of gun en by deadlines and finding the voice of the speaker. speaking on the credentials of the panelists. Eisendrath, rights for the first time since 1939. The case, Dis- “A surprising fact about daily political commentary a Professor of Communications and the Director of the trict of Columbia v. Heller, challenges the constitu- is that, more often than people would like to believe, we Knight-Wallace program, called the event one of the few tionality of Washington, D.C.’s ban on handguns. are writing not from a partisan belief from the non-parti- “systematic studies of humor.” The Knight-Wallace pro- MR san need to have something written by 11pm,” said Bley- gram provides grants to mid-career journalists to study er, explaining the role of a comedy writer. Tim Carvell, academically on issues of interest such as media evolu- a fellow “Daily Show” writer, agreed that the show is tion or coverage of the War in Iraq. MR 3.18.08 P. 9

nethe michigan ws. review Prominent Academics Call for Normal Relationship with Israel

By Brian Biglin, ‘08 This lobby has the American Israel Public Affairs yielded negative results. He said that US foreign policy Committee (AIPAC) as the centerpiece of an otherwise has been pushed in the wrong direction on Iraq, Syr- lthough the Natural Science Building loose coalition that includes conventional Zionists, ia, Iran, Lebanon, and on the issue of Israel’s increas- Aauditorium seemed primed for a heated evening Christian Zionists, and print outlets like The Weekly ing occupation of the West Bank. Israel’s “colonizing” full of disruptions, noted political science professors Standard and The New Republic, Walt said. Neither policies are not in the U.S. interest, shown by the fact and foreign relations experts John Mearsheimer and professor mentioned neoconservatives. Walt said that that every president since 1966 has opposed West Bank Stephen Walt were able to speak without interruption this lobby is hardly synonymous with Jewish-Ameri- settlement, but the Israel lobby has overcome this, as about their controversial research and writing on the cans, since so many American Jews sit on the sidelines the US clearly has not told Israel to stop, Mearsheimer so-called Israel lobby in America last Friday. in this debate, and because so many Christians and re- said. Mearsheimer, of the University of Chicago, and ligiously-indifferent people are in the lobby. Furthermore, the policies supported by the lobby Walt, of Harvard’s Kennedy School, are both in the re- Walt was quick to dispel the idea that they have are one cause of terrorism against the United States, alist school of world politics study, and are considered composed a conspiracy theory, and he vehemently de- Mearsheimer said. The 9/11 Commission concluded conventional centrists by most of their peers, including nied having any anti-Semitic material in his writings or that Khalid Sheikh Muhammad, the architect of 9/11, Professor Ronald Stockton, a UM-Dearborn political sci- beliefs. He said that he believes in Israel and its right was inspired mainly by U.S. support for Israel, for ex- ence professor who introduced the speakers sponsored to exist and be defended by the United States, and that ample. by Students Allied for Freedom and Equality (SAFE). calling for normalized relations and trying to identify Speaking of Israel’s future, Mearsheimer was not Stockton said that controversy surrounding their aca- the people that sway foreign policy (just as the gun lob- hopeful. He said that the only realistic hope for lasting demic work is rare, and that the sensitivity over the by influences gun policy) should not be confused with peace involves Israel leaving the West Bank and the topic of Israel has caused this unique controversy. animus towards any type of person. formation of a lasting two-state regime. A bi-national In their respective speeches, Walt and Anti-Semitism has readily been used as a smear tac- state would abandon the fundamental purpose of the Mearsheimer’s central point was that the United States tic, Walt said, to marginalize people who share views Jewish state, and a continuation of the current direction should have a normal relationship with Israel, rather similar to his. Even The Wall Street Journal mentioned would lead to South African-style apartheid. what they see as the current “special relationship,” with anti-Semitism in their critique of their book, “The Israel He repeated that Washington must become an so much unconditional support. They identify a strong Lobby and U.S. Foreign Policy.” evenhanded broker, treating Israel normally and op- and well-financed lobby in America that has pushed “They do this because the case for unconditional posing it when it does something wrong. American policy (especially through Congress) into US support is so weak,” said Walt. Therefore, “there is “They [those in favor of a special relationship] maintaining this special relationship, despite the fact little serious debate about our level of support.” are wrong, and history with judge us harshly,” said that it has hurt the United States, Israel, and the Middle Mearsheimer discussed the most controversial Mearsheimer. MR East in general. claim in their paper: that the influence of the lobby has

Speaker Calls for More Health Insurance 101: Scientist Hopes Democracy in Islamic World to Inform Students on Campaign Issues

By Nathan Stano, ‘11 “Our faith has been hijacked, By Rebecca Christy, ‘08 hard time pricing correctly when private in- but we’re on that airplane…only dividuals come to them for their services. As ast Monday, Dr. M Zuhdi Muslims can fix it,” he said of the ecently, the Healthcare and a result, ninety percent of Americans who LJasser, the Muslim founder of Islamists, and he called his work RLife Sciences Club sponsored an event are insured receive their health insurance the American Islamic Forum for toward democratization a “reverse titled “The Economics of Health Care Re- through an employer because under these Democracy, was brought to cam- jihad.” He stated that the ideas of form,” featuring Dr. Helen Levy, an assis- umbrella plans the problem of adverse selec- pus by Stand with Us Michigan, a the terrorists must be attacked, not tant research scientist in the Department of tion is mitigated. national pro-Israel group to speak with bombs, but with words and Health Management and Policy at UM. Her Another reason a majority of those with about the state of affairs within the ideals like freedom and equality. talk, which was introduced by Mitchell Zoer- health insurance chose to go through an em- Islamic world today. Jasser spoke He compared contemporary hoff on behalf of the fledging club, discussed ployer is because there is a relatively large about the need for Muslims to Islamist movements as being like the economic theory of insurance as well as tax subsidy that is not available to those in pursue, “the separation between the fascist movements of the early the fundamental components of healthcare the individual market. Thus, the coverage of spiritual Islam and political Islam.” 20th century, especially in their reforms proposed by the current 2008 presi- one’s health insurance policy is exempt from He stated that fighting terrorism is push to collectivize groups. Jasser dential candidates. income tax when it comes through the em- not enough for the United States, thought that the difficulty of col- In her section of Economics of Insurance ployer. but that we must fight what he lectivizing Muslims in the Middle 101, she described the basis by which insur- An example provided by Levy was if an called “Islamism,” and empower East, given their overwhelming ance works, boiling it down to the fact that individual makes $90,000 a year in salary and Muslims who agree with us to the majority, would be incredible. This people do not like financial insecurity. She has a $10,000 health insurance plan through same. would perhaps give reform in the then introduced the concept of moral haz- his or her employer, their hypothetical twen- “There is no way to stop terror- Middle East a greater chance of ard, which is defined as a change in behav- ty-five percent tax payment is only applied ism without Muslims standing up success. ior due to insurance coverage. An example to the $90,000 salary and the individual pays and denouncing Islamism as well He spoke on how average would be if a person felt more comfortable no taxes on the value of the health insurance. as terrorism,” Jasser said of his Muslims needed to stand up and about speeding and driving dangerously be- This subsidy is currently unlimited and is inspiration to found his organiza- speak out against terrorists, and cause of the fact that they had generous car more valuable to those in the higher tax tion. The Forum is a voice for Mus- the groups that support them, as insurance. She discussed the RAND Health bracket and, as a result, economists consider lims who are concerned about civil well as the ideology they preach. Insurance Experiment which was conducted this subsidy regressive. liberties and spreading freedom to “Terrorism is a new philosophy, from 1974 to 1982. RAND is a non-profit, Barack Obama’s proposed health insur- Muslims abroad. in the last hundred years, tied to non-partisan research institute headquar- ance reform includes the potential for pro- The bulk of Jasser’s speech cen- the rise of Islamism,” he also spoke tered in California. viding a subsidy to those who are uninsured tered on what he sees as the prob- about how he, as an internist, was Levy said that the RAND experiment and or possibly capping the currently un- lem of Islamism or political Islam appalled at the doctors who per- showed that individuals who were required limited tax exemption. Obama also believes and his ideas on what ought to be petrated the Glasgow bombings, to pay ninety-five percent of their coverage that it is unnecessary to require a mandate done about it. “[The problems are comparing them to Josef Mengele spent $518 on average for their treatment, on those who seek medical attention without a] two-headed snake in the Middle to demonstrate the corruptive in- while those who had no payments consumed insurance. He would however require that East, one using religion, the other fluence of the Islamist ideology. $749 of healthcare on average. all children be insured based on the belief using totalitarianism,” he said. Ac- Ultimately, he made sure to This shows how the demand curve for that children do not have the option to act on cording to Jasser, the only solution show that his goal was freedom. medical care shifts outward, and thus quan- their own behalf. is democratization. “I never want a special faith pro- tity demanded increases for patients who are In contrast, Hillary Clinton would re- He spoke briefly of the war in vision for me,” he also denounced covered by increasing amounts of insurance. quire a mandate for anyone who is unin- Iraq, though he tried not to focus the attitude of entitlement and vic- At the same time, it was also determined by sured, but has failed to mention specifically on it, due to its political conten- timhood prevalent in the Muslim the experiment that there was almost no dif- what the mandate would include. Levy es- tiousness. “[Iraq] is going to take community. “The Muslim commu- ference in the health of the individuals re- timated that both plans would cost around generations,” he remarked briefly. nity should build institutions like gardless of their payment plan. 100 billion dollars year to implement, and He also thought that we ought to Cato,” he remarked at the close, Levy also described the concept of ad- that McCain’s proposed plan which includes do more to encourage interfaith di- calling for more “Jeffersonian Mus- verse selection, which describes the way that a $2,500 voucher for individuals or $5,000 alogue and to support, to a greater lims.” MR an individual knows more about their likeli- family vouchers would be a less expensive extent, the creation of nongovern- hood of having to spend money on medical option. MR mental, pro-democracy institutions care than an insurance company does. This in Iraq. results in an insurance company having a P. 10 3.18.08

artsthe michigan & review culture. Campus Corner Who the Heck is the “Dolly Llama”?

By Eddie J. Perry, ‘09 most influential religious speakers of our time?” Very good, St. Patrick’s Day, a Steve. he Dalai Lama is the magistrate of Tibetan Bud- Upon approaching Marie, a junior who was fashionably Tdhism. A common lineage that has been intact since toting a surplus of Greek letters, I introduced myself and in- Student Timeline 1391 exists and Tenzin Gyatso is the most recent Buddhist quired as to whether or not she would be willing to answer By Lindsey Dodge, ‘10 monk to inherit this. He is a member of the Gelug School a few questions. She agreed. of Tibetan Buddhism and is serving as the fourteenth and “Marie, have you heard that the :30 – Rustlings outside. Either current Dalai Lama. Dalai Lama is coming to Michi- 7Football Saturdays have magically re- The Dalai Lama is coming to Crisler Arena at the Uni- gan in April?” I asked. “Yeah Monique, a turned, or someone’s trying to break into versity of Michigan on April 20, 2008 to give a free lecture. I remember hearing something graduate the sorority next door again. Pull covers Tickets went out to students and faculty on March 4, and about that at one point…,” she over head. the wait in line for some students exceeded two hours. replied. “Do you know who the student in 8:45 – Drunken roommate returns Ironically, it was pointed out to The Michigan Review that al- Dalai Lama is?” I then probed. Public Health, with equally drunk girlfriend trailing though the student turnout will likely be high for this event, “I have no idea what his name behind. She’s wearing a headband with there are a great deal of students going to the lecture with- is, if that’s what you’re asking,” correctly metallic shamrock springs popular with out exactly knowing who “His Holiness” is. she answered. I clarified my- identified the 2nd graders the world over. He’s wear- Is it the buzz around the event that draws so many stu- self, “No, I mean who he is, as Dalai Lama. ing a green shirt that reads, “I’m lucky dents to wait for tickets or is it just the overlap with “Earth in what religion he represents?” you’re drunk.” Day?” Before I could finish my ques- When asked 8:53 – Drunk girlfriend of drunk girl- Either way, there is only one way to find out if U-M stu- tion, she started walking in the if she’d attend friend enters. She claims to be going to dents actually know who the Dalai Lama is. Enter Man-in- opposite direction. the library for the rest of the day, because the-Street. Instead of avoiding the Diag as usual on my way The third student I ran his speech, she “My major is soooo hard. It’s, like, harder to class, I planted myself on into was a freshman B-School asked, “You than everyone else’s.’ I have to go, no I the stairs of the Graduate Li- hopeful, Karl. I cut right to the mean he’s totally have to.” She trips while sitting brary for about ten minutes, chase after what had happened down. hoping to be enlightened by with Marie. I asked, “Karl, do coming to 9:00 – Whatever. I’ll just start drink- passer-bys. you know who the Dalai Lama Michigan?!” ing. Let me grab my leprechaun socks. My first victim was is?” He responded with a slight 9:45 – Friend’s house is surprisingly Steve, a sophomore in smile, “Honestly, I’ve heard the name but I have no idea subdued. People seem grouped into two chemical engineering. Steve who he is. I’m Catholic and I have to go to class now.” categories: those who are confused as informed me that U-M stu- I asked the same question to Monique, a graduate stu- to whether it’s really St. Patrick’s Day, dents should “totally get all dent in the School of Public Health. “He’s the leader of and those who could not care less. And their friends to see the Dalai Buddhists and he’s really into environmental and world then there’s the big guy with a shille- Lama” because “how many health issues,” she responded. I asked her whether or not lagh-shaped beer bong who doesn’t even times do you get the chance she was planning to attend and she stopped dead in her know that there’s a holiday going on. to see and hear one of the tracks. “You mean he’s coming to Michigan?!” MR 9:47 – I’m definitely in the second group. 9:49 – What does ‘subdued’ even mean??? 4:30 – I think some stuff happened. “Life Is for The Living” Film Review Grass is pretty comfy, anyways. I raise myself up and notice that my friend’s By Julianne K. Nowicki, ‘11 house, normally pretty well-kept, now resembles a bomb-shelter. roduced by LSA junior Michael Rubyan and Deb- 5:30 – After consuming some left- Porah Orley, “Life Is for The Living” is a documentary over pizza from the open boxes litter- supporting the practice and federal funding of embryonic ing the kitchen, I munch thoughtfully. stem cell research, which premiered at Michigan Theatre on Although the holiday is pretty arbitrary, March 12. people seem to be enjoying themselves “Life Is for The Living” promotes medical research all the same. There are droves of green- using embryonic stem cells, specifically in states such as clad people wandering around campus, Michigan where laws prohibit government funding for even a couple aware enough of Irish such research. Specifically, the documentary taps into the culture to be whistling “O Danny Boy.” controversy of using discarded embryos from fertility clin- Maybe it’s just because collegiate drink- ics for such research to cure debilitating diseases. Currently, ing is so arbitrary to begin with that Michigan laws ban research which destroys embryos for inserting another day dedicated nation- non-therapeutic purposes and the use of the Somatic Cell ally to alcohol abuse fits in well with col- Nuclear Transfer. Among the organizations which funded are in short supply. Showing her support for such research lege culture. That being said, I’m getting the documentary were the University of Michigan Univer- and referring to people this research could benefit, Gran- a little behind the group, as my friend sity Activities Center and the U-M Center for Stem Cell Bi- holm is shown saying, “Why wouldn’t we give them that just wandered in and started poking me ology. hope, and why wouldn’t we give them that reality? Give (hard) with the shillelagh-bong. In this documentary, five families provide a glimpse them a chance at life.” 9:45 – The crowd and I managed to into the ways they deal with Juvenile Diabetes, Parkinson’s, In the film, Sean Tiptin, President of the Coalition for get a table at Skeeps. Between the green and spinal cord injury. These five families display their suf- the Advancement of Medical Research, also says, “They beer pitchers and the mini Long Island fering, along with the strength, hope, and sacrifices they shouldn’t have the right to stop people who need the ben- pitchers, we’re set for awhile. However, must make in living with such conditions. Their stories are efits that might come from embryonic stem cell research be- people keep assuming that since our rooted in the hope that embryonic stem cell research will cause it doesn’t fit within their moral structure.” tabletop is relatively dry, that entitles someday be able to cure or provide relief for painful suf- Also, the film does not discuss how much federal fund- them to drop their Irish junk all over ferings. ing is needed for embryonic stem cell research. Concrete it. Let’s see what’s in the Louis Vuitton Moments when these stories evoke immense compas- examples of embryonic stem cell research relieving disease purse… sion are in the quiet details, often through camera work. in other states or countries are not cited. For a controversial 10:00 – Wow. I didn’t even know In one scene, a young girl from the Clark family is shown issue which will probably be put on the Michigan ballot in that Wet n’ Wild had a St. Patrick’s Day pricking her finger eight times so that she can test her blood 2008, voters need critical information in order to make an special. sugar levels from a small blood sample. She is five years informed decision. 11:00 – Dancing is fun. I don’t know old, and has juvenile diabetes. Scenes like this, which reflect Tedious logistics such as these are not at the heart of this person, but they seem to like dancing the painful realities of these families, make the idea of pur- this film, but for a complex issue that borders a fine moral as much as I do. Let’s hug. suing embryonic stem cell research understandable for its line for many people, they need to be included to a greater 6:20 (tomorrow morning) – Woke said potential to relieve suffering. extent. While these families share heartbreaking stories, sto- up next to an actual leprechaun. Red, Many people may argue, however, that well-inten- ries which are portrayed beautifully and display immense bulbous nose, very short and wearing tioned compassion is something that must be explored in courage and strength, “Life for The Living” does not reach “Detroit hearts you” green suspenders. depth before pursuing research with serious moral ramifi- in depth into the reasoned arguments which exist in oppo- Another national holiday celebrated in cations. The film interviews five different families, promi- sition to embryonic stem cell research. For such a controver- the true college tradition. MR nent political figures such as Janet Reno, who has Parkin- sial issue, there seems to be the need for a documentary on son’s, and Jennifer Granholm, along with research scientists campus which depicts the balanced arguments of all parties from U-M and Harvard, and organizations in support of this research affects. MR embryonic stem cell research. However, opposing views 3.18.08 P. 11

artsthe michigan & review culture. The Miracle in Room 6 Editor’s Note: This article was originally published in our December 12, 2004 is- sue. Mr. Sowisolo’s article has become something of a legend among graduates in The Michigan Review the Class of 2005. After a conversation in the legendary White Horse Tavern, the Review decided to reprint this bit of MR lore. is now in By Karl Sowisolo, ‘05

O YOU BELIEVE in miracles? your ear. D We do, because our housemates have smelled one with their own olfactory canals. The Miracle in Room 6 is a story of faith. It all occurred one cool evening Check out our in early October. The flora had yet to turn a beautiful crimson and brown, but magic was in the air, regardless. Pulchritudinous debutantes gathered latest podcasts at our house, where the beer flowed like wine, sweet sounds poured from the stereo, and it did not smell offensive…yet. We perused the party for with fun and any apt temptress [ed. Harlot] that found us suitable suitors. After a few hours of polite dialogue and beverages, some of the guests influential figures. were becoming anxious. A few partygoers sought a secluded area to im- bibe, discuss their passions, and get to know one another on a more carnal level; that locale was Room 6. Our housemate, who resided in Room 6, found one such mingler who was interested in becoming conversant with him in his bedroom. It was a convenient transition, as his room had a front This week: CMU Student Dennis Lennox vicinity for hobnobbing, and a back room where he and his roommate laid their heads. What occurred in that room is between the room dweller, his female Podcasts can be found at: guest, and God, but suffice to say, we wish it were videotaped. After a short resting period, the owner of room 6 received a startling www.michiganreview.com phone call from an unidentified female friend. Despite the fact that the young man had another female guest, the call- er would not capitulate - she had to have him. Luckily for our friend, his original guest had fallen into a deep slumber – one from which she could not awake. He locked his door, let in the wanting lass, found a satisfying couch downstairs with strong springs, and satisfied her yearnings by en- gaging in a rhythmic ritual. The interlude lasted no more than a half hour, and he let her on her way. After boasting about his conquest to these writers, the narcissist un- locked the door to his room, and stepped inside. He was startled, some- thing was amiss. Upon first inspection, everything seemed to be in order: our friend’s roommate was asleep in the bed across the room and our friend’s female guest was asleep in his bed. Something smelled fishy, though…but not like fish. He took a gander at the floor and his suspicions were confirmed. The odious odor came from a pile of poop, a bit cretaceous in texture, and exuding an olfactory night- mare born in the depths of hell. After informing his roommate of the gift laid at the foot of his bed, the young chap sterilized his residence and slept in the front room. The next morning our friend walked the female guest out and told the rest of his housemates what had occurred. Immediately a committee was formed to investigate the ordeal. Much like the Warren Commission, the results have been debated and multiple theories have been formed regarding the perpetrator and motive. The ac- tual explanation is both astonishing and inspiring, and is reminiscent of a simpler time when we put our collective faith in supernatural beings. Children believe in mythical figures such as Santa Claus and the Tooth Fairy, but adults typically lose faith in such farfetched characters. Children are truly the smart ones however, as our friend’s discovery has inspired renewed belief in these writers, both of us formerly being typical adult naysayers. Our friend’s roommate would obviously not poop on his own floor. The young lady who was comatose in the bed was in no shape to even get up, let alone drop a deuce. Since the door to the bedroom was locked and the only means of entrance was a 20+ foot window left ajar, and because Louis Pasteur proved that spontaneous generation cannot occur, the only thing that could enter was a class-5, free floating, full torso vapor apparition, or – as we have come to know her – the Poop Fairy. Tooth Fairy’s bastard sister, the lesser celebrated and far underrated Poop Fairy, presents gifts to men who successfully mate with two women in one evening. Evidence has mounted implicating the suspected pixie. For example, the roommate who slept through the massacre thought he dreamed of waking up momentarily to a terrible stench as an ethereal fig- ure exited through the window leaving a misty residue in her wake. Additionally, although nuggets were found packed closely around scene of the crime, some fecal matter was noticed on the window sill. This holiday season, if your little cousin says Santa doesn’t exist, you just tell him the story of the Poop Fairy and The Miracle in Room 6. MR

www.michiganreview.com P. 12 3.18.08

features.the michigan review CMU Conservative: Mount Pleasant, or Washington? By Jonathan Slemrod, ‘10

t is not always easy being a conservative on Icampus, but twenty-three-year old Central Michigan University (CMU) junior Dennis Lennox has a par- ticularly difficult time. Lennox, a conservative activist known for his involvement with both Young Ameri- cans for Freedom (YAF) and Campus Conservatives is embroiled in controversy with the Central administra- tion over Gary Peters, a political science professor that is running for Congress as a Democrat in Michigan’s 9th district. In November, Peters will face Republican incumbent Joe Knollenberg in what is gearing up to be one of the most hotly-contested races in the nation. Lennox is the spokesperson for Students Against Gary Peters, a group formed last year to object to Pe- ters’ Congressional race, which Lennox maintains is a betrayal taxpayers who fund his university salary. “It is a little bit difficult in my mind and in the minds of our one hundred and fifty members to be a full time professor through May of 2010 and somehow Michigan GOP chair Saul Anuzis (left) and CMU student Dennis Lennox (right) wonder where Gary Peters has gone. find the time to run for Congress this fall,” said Len- nox. If Peters were to win Lennox said that he would be contractually obligated to serve both in Congress and And although Lennox has garnered a reputation everybody has a right to run for public office. But not in Mount Pleasant. “That’s just a little fishy,” he said. for being a staunch conservative, he maintains that the everybody has a right to be a professor.” The controversy began last October when Len- goals of Students Against Gary Peters are not political. nox was accused by CMU administrators of breaking “It’s not about partisan politics. We haven’t at- Be sure to check out the Review’s podcast with Dennis Len- a student code pertaining to the distribution of print- tacked, questioned, or criticized any political stances nox available now at www.michiganreivew.com/podcasts ed materials by handing out literature which Lennox that Gary Peters has taken. We recognize the fact that and on iTunes. MR says were “slightly critical” of Peters. CMU maintains that Lennox, when ap- proached, provided false information to university faculty. Lennox has been persistent in his fight, demanding scores of documents pertaining to Peters through Freedom of Information Act (FOIA) requests, videotaping Peters, and even testifying in front of the Michigan Senate Subcom- mittee on Higher Education about the situation in late February. One video, which catapulted Len- nox to the national level, shows As- sistant Dean Pamela Gates hitting his camera as he requests a FOIA response. CMU subsequently banned the use of video cameras on campus without per- mission, claming in a letter to Lennox that “videotaping others around cam- pus and/or videotaping them as they go about their normal activities is not expressive activity.” The decision was harshly criticized by many, including the Foundation for Individual Rights in Higher Education (FIRE) and the American Civil Liberties Union (ACLU). “While some may find Mr. Lennox’s method of videotaping and posting re- cordings on the internet objectionable, it is a protected means of engaging in po- litical expression,” said Michael J. Stein- berg, the Legal Director for the Michigan chapter of the ACLU, in a press release. CMU administrators had initially threatened to expel Lennox over what he sees as “bogus student charges,” meeting in a closed-door session over spring break which Lennox derides as a “Stalinist” tactic. “I’m in the process of appealing those charges, and we’ll have to see what comes out of that process.” Lennox has succeeded in turning an otherwise minor issue into a major PR campaign. He appeared on campus with Saul Anuzis, the head of the Michi- gan Republican Party, next to a giant milk carton that read “Where is Gary Peters?” referring to Peters’ time spent on the campaign trail and away from his students. Recently, he addressed the Conservative Political Action Confer- ence (CPAC) on a panel entitled “Con- servative Victories Across the Nation.” State and national blogs have closely followed the issue.