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PAGE22 THE RETRIEVER WEEKLY FEATURES October 6, 1998 • • • • • • ~s WHA,. HEY WAN! 10 HEA~ now in theatres ... r You 8; Capsule reviews of current mol'ies by Victory CHRIS TAYLOR problem with this record, though. is its inde Marasigcm and Jamie Peck. Retriever Weekly Editorial Staff cisiveness. Armageddon (* 112 out of four) It makes Deep Everlast can not decide whether he wants Impact look like Citizen Ka11e. Bruce Willis Block Timing Is Everything What the hell to scream some heavy metal lyrics. be a blues leads a team of drillers imo space to destroy a is Block trying to play? It's not necessarily artist or lay down a verse. As far as the rap king-sit.ed comet before it smacks into Earth. Caffeinated director Michael Bay keeps his ed bad stuff. but this is a group that's very hard goes, it's laughable when Everlast talks about its quick, his cameras moving and his shots un to label. These guys dip into every kind of emcees trying to steal his style. No respect der five seconds each, resulting in a confusing, music on Timing Js Everything and maintain able artist would jock Everlast. The highlight migraine-inducing non-event movie. Brainless a very unique sound. The most amusing as of the album is Guru from Gangstarr show and overstuffed. but not in a good way at all. pect of this album is that the lead singer ing up in a 17-second skit to let us all know JP sounds kind of like Neil Diamond. Imagine that he's down with Everlast. Unfortunately Blade (**1h) Wesley Snipes. looking cool in a drunk Neil singing "Coming to America." he doesn't lend his rap skills on any Lracks. black leather and Terminator shades, bas fun However, the best possible description I can One can assume that he wanted to keep his playing the Marvel Comics superhero, a vam think of for Block is Tom Petty, but on a lot distance from this endeavor. The producers, pire slayer who's half-vampire himself. Blade is needlessly overlong by about a half-hour and of drugs - like more than usual. On other Dante Ross and John Gamble, make horrible loaded with confusing backstory (what's this I hand. at times they lean towards punk and use of the Black Crows "Hard to Handle" hear about the Blood God?). but still manages ska. It makes for a twisted amalgam of influ7 sample that was feattired in the fantastic As to score an indirect hit by giving audiences some Fine Line Features ences. far as the songs go, "1-95" is pretty "Wings of the Morning" Capleton and pure, enthralling viscera to sink their teeth into. Peeker Princess: Martha Plimpton steals nice in a Greenday-"Good Riddance" sort of Method Man single. Whitey Ford Sings the -JP scenes in John Waters' new comedy. way. ''Cigarettes, Prozac and Scotch" is good, Blues leans towards the genre of the Beastie Let's Talk About Sex (no stars) Yet another as is "Queen of 5th Street." "I Used To Man Boys but never comes close to getting there. example of Hollywood's gross misjudgment of triever Weekly for a full review.) -JP age PM Dawn" is pretty funny. Rating: If you're a big time House of Pain just how sex-obsessed and socially dysfunc Saving Private Ryan (****) In Steven Rating: It could be me, it could be the fan or one of those annoying people who says tional our society really is. The provocative title Spielberg's completely intense WWll epic. Tom itself belies an obvious attempt to lure a single Hanks leads a squad of men deep into enemy weather, but Block is surprisingly easy to lis things like, "I hate rap but I love the Beastie minded crowd into a no-holds-barred sexual territory to rescue a soldier who's lost three ten to. I dig this band; they're worth check Boys," maybe you' II like this. However, other discussion, yet the film is unable to follow brothers in combat. The amazing, jarring open ing out. than that, I can't see anyone getting too into through on even that shallow promise. Let's ing depicts the Omaha Beach invasion, and cer Whitey Ford Sings the Blues. And please, if Talk's gratuitous nudity and lukewarm love tainly does not skimp on lhe sickening reality Everlast Whitey Ford Sings the Blues you are one of those people who thinks the scenes have all the erotic appeal of watching a of war. Ryan's important story, shattering emo Think back to the early '90s. Remember Beastie Boys are the only good rap, open your dog give itself a tongue bath. (See the Septem tion and graphic violence make it the most "Jump Around"? That was House of Pain's mind a little bit and show some respect. The ber 22, 1998 issue ofThe Retriever Weekly for deeply affecting film since Schi11d/er's list. (See 15 minutes offame. Ever since then, they've BeastieBoys are great but they're not the last a full review.) -VM the July 28. 1998 issue ofThe Retriever Weekly been wallowing in obscurity. They released word on rap. Peeker (***1/2) John Waters tidies up his act for a full review.) -JP a couple of other albums with little or no suc For one, no one ever mentions how much (well, sort of) for this loopy tale of a young pho Simon Birch (**) In Mark Steven Johnson's tographer (Edward Furlong) whose snapshots loose adaptation of A Prayerfor Owen Meany, cess. However, some people never give up. of their initial success they owe to Run DMC. of his blue-collar Baltimore hometown win him two 12-year old kids (Ian Michael Smith and Those people apparently include Everlast of The Beastie Boys do hip-bop well, but they a place in the New York art scene. There's Some Joseph MazeUo) learn about life and loss in House of Pain, who is back with a solo de were not the first, nor will they be the last or thing Aboul Mary might have softened the no 1964; Smith is lhe enigmatic title character, a but. The album, entitled Whitey Ford Sings the best to do it. So free your mind and go toriously risque director/writer's low blows. but dwarf who considers himself part ofGod's mas the Blues is a blend of rock, blues and rap. check out some other artists because I don't Peeker and its kooky cast - especially Chris ter plan.The ftlm 's set-up, with fresh-as-lemon Everlast plays guitar and attempts to sing on want to hear any more stupid white kids talk tina Ricci and Martha Plimpton-still provide ade portraits of small-town life, are wonderful, several songs, which becomes progressively ing about how much rap sucks except for the audiences with a fast-paced and pleasantly sunny but what begins as a humorous look at tbe boys' annoying as the album drags on. The main Beastie Boys. 87-minute ribald riot. (See 1he September 29, friendship develops into a rather muddy dis 1998 issue of The Retriever Weekly for a full course on faith and identity. (See the September review.) -JP 15, 1998 issue ofThe Retriever Weekly for a Rounders(***) Man Damon starS as a poker full revie1v.) -VM prodigy who goes straight only to be lured back There's Something About Mary (***112) All into the game. A great deal of this sharp little sorts of envelope-pushing risque business from drama is set in lhe back rooms of New York's the creators of Dumb and Dumber and IGng cardshark underground, but even for those who pin, only this time strung together as a sweet can't tell royal and straight flushes apart will be romantic comedy. Cameron Dia.z is the sought engrossed. Allhough lhe story is old-hat and the after Mary of the title, coveted by a whole slew character relationships feel strained. proficient of weirdos and one high school flame (Ben acting and directing and a glimpse inside an Stiller) whose tuxedo zipper got in the way of unfamiliar world give Rounders a winning band. what could have been a great prom date. Wait' II (See the September 22, 1998 issue ofThe Re- you see lhe hair gel gag. -JP General Information Session University Center Room 310 l p.m. - 2 p.m. .