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rt!((((((()n))) lh. S A N T P E T E R 'S C 0 L l E G E APRIL FOOL APRIL FOOL EDITION PAlJ ow EDITION Vol. XXI Jersey City, N. J., April 1, 1953 No.11 Student Clamors Maj. Farrell On To l(orea Nix Faculty Bid With R.O.T.C. Contingent For Coed College In a dramatic statement yes terday, the Defense Department In the most startling upset since the David-Goliath bout, over announced that Major Eugene 11,000 students voted down the faculty-inspired bid for coeduca Farrell, former Professor of Mili tion at St. Peter's College. tary Science at St. Peter's Col When the first cry of "We Want Women" was heard thundering lege in Jersey City, has been from the faculty room two weeks ago, it was evident to all that named to replace Maxwell Tay the battle was on. Carrying placards lor as head of the Eighth Army in Korea. Major Farrell will ~.eading "Nix on ,,tl~e Broadies," and Council Votes F emales, Fooey, irate students pa- leave immediately and is to be accompanied by the ROTC ;;o:~d the halls in a protest demonstra- Appropriation band, the Pershing Rifles and all Hot Battle MS III cadets who will receive de fa cto commissions as second lieu As the time set for the plebiscite At yesterday's routine weekly meet- tenants in the infantry. by the Student Council neared: tlie ing, the Student Council appropriated General Taylor will return home to heat of controversy rose to fever pitch. funds for a new game room at St. appear before Congress and advocate Armed mobs roamed the campus hurl- Peter's, established unlimited card a forty-eight month Korean tour of ing ping-pong balls, insults, old test playing as a norm for all students, duty for all his former subordinates papers, and Sessa's meat balls at mem- ordered three slightly used roulette and all present replacements. He was hers of opposing camps. wheels from Sen. Charles Tobey of known as a liberal and gracious com- An attempt at p~aceful discussion New Hampshire, and killed the pro brought about little in the way of re- posed building of a twin to McDerm mander. Wilson Choked Rev Edward F. Clark, S.J., Dean of St. Peter's, congratulates Major Eugene Farrell on In a voice choked with emotion, sults. Faculty claims that women ott Hall. · news of the latter's appointment to succeed General Maxwel~ Taylor in. Korea. would make the atmosphere healthier Funds For Casino Captain Lawless and Major Isaacs of the ROTC staff arc pictured at right. Defense Secretary Charles Wilson were countered by the students' terse The first item on yesterday's stated that all the MS III cadets had comment: "They spoil the view." crowded agenda was the proposed pleadingly requested transfers from Another complaint by the student ultra-modern gaming and faro room. Secrecy Covers College the Chemical Corps to the Infantry. body brought out the valid objection The question was whether or not to vVh en asked why they requested trans that ce rtain expensive alterations appropriate funds for this project. fers Wilson related, with tears of ad would have to be made to accommo- The Council, at the insistence of their As Mystery Test Nears miration in his eyes, that all the men date the needs of the co-eds. The faculty moderator, voted an emphatic could say was "Cung Ho". Each will receive two shares of General Motors broad-minded faculty solution to the "yes." The sum of $135,000 was After two years of dogged research, seniors Conant J. Oppen- bl f 11 tl1 0 gl1 al111.d a roomful dee111ed sufficient to begin construe- d h 1 · Stock. pro em e r u of shocked, embarrassed, and disillu- tion and the new room will be called heimer and Fermi L. Groves announced yester ay t e comp ehon Major Farrell, an Army veteran who sioned students. the Gerard Murphy Memorial Cam- of their senior thesis project. will be well accustomed to the severe Voting day saw threats to flunk be- ing Casino in memory of the man The subject matter of the project has been a closely guarded (Continued on page 2, column 1) ing met with ~pitballs and flights of who paved the way for the return of secret although indications as to its nature were evidenced when (Continued on page 2, column 5) both of the intrepid young men lost their hair and teeth. This leak __..'..:(C=:o:.:.n:.::ti::.:n.:.ue:.:d::...:::on::....:_p::::ag"..:e__:_4:::_,_c:..::o_:lu_:n_:m__:_:5):__ _ ___: _ ___ __:__::,_________ _____________ was effectively plugged by ascribing Gannon Drops the unfortunate occurrence to the Alaskan Meet food served in a certain cafeteria Traveling to Alaska last weekend Martial Law Imposed At 'St. Peter's which, of course, shall be nameless. the Gannon Debating Society of St. Speaking in a halting voice from Peter's College dropped a close de behind a three-feet thick wall of lead, cision to Nanook U. in the annual Ice As Library Riot Fells Twenty-Three Groves declared that, though an exact bound Tourney. description of the results of the ex The Gannon, boasting that they are Madness and mayhem turned periments could not be revealed at the most traveled society at the Col the normally quiet and orderly this time, a full scale test of their lege, to date have amassed 223,000 G. F. Johnson Library into a discovery would be held at 8:15 to smiles while bringing honor and scene of destruction and violent morrow morning in the R.O.T.C. drill notoriety to the name of St. Peter's death yesterday, the Pauw Wow yard. College. They have yet to win a de learned. In spite of the veil of Faculty Invited bate. "This is easily explainable," censorship which was immedi Groves then went on to say that ately clamped on the story, re says Father Murphy, their moderator. the entire faculty had been_ invited "The team is always so tired from ports on last night's riot have and would be watching from slit been leaking out of McDermott traveling, tliat they can't stay awake trenches five feet from ground zero. long enough to· finish the exciting con Hall, and it is now possible to get a "Every precaution for the success of fairly clear picture of this, the third tes ts." the test, including the evacuation of In the Icebound Tourney, Nanook and most destructive mob orgy in the the Metropolitan Area of New York, last six weeks. U. won by default when the Gannon has been taken", added Oppenheimer, members fell asleep at the most thrill Speculators tend to think the riot the elder member of tlie research ing point of the match. It was no was caused by the fact that Father team. The interview came to an great embarrassment tliough for the Cantillon, S.J. had converted the with abrupt end when the pair was Petreans couldn't understand the in drawal desk into a newsstand for the rendered speechless by a fit of hysteri volved Eskimo dialects. The trip was sale of the Daily News, New York's cal laughter after Groves had been a success socially however, as the Picture Newspaper, exclusively. This heard to murmur to Oppenheimer, Eskimos invited tthe Petreans to tlieir was proven unfounded since copies of "Yucca Flat, Yucca Flat, wait till they annual Igloo Ball. Jim Evrard in par the Post were also seen on sale. get a load of this one." ticular seemed pleased with the Es Commenting on the incident, Father At the time of the test the staff of kimo girls. He said he felt he had Cantillon was quoted as saying: "Just · the Pauw Wow will be with Oppen something in common · with them. a trivial brawl, gentlemen, a trivial heimer and Groves on tlrn top of When asked to eleborate further Jim Unidentified cadavers litter the Roor of the Johnson Library as vicious rioters add "for brawl ... hee-hee-hee-hee-hee." He good measure" touches. Two ringleaders were apprehended and are being held in custody. Snake Hill in the Secaucus meadows said he couldn't quite explain it. (Continued on page 2, column 2) (See photo on page five,) (Continued on page 6, column 5) (Continued on page 5, column 1) Page Two PAUW WOW April 1, 1953 Millions See Spirited Cadets by Ed Bartley Give Crack Marching Display On March 17th, "The Fighting 69th" led the St. Patrick's D ay Hudson County Jail ing an apple. parade up Fifth Avenue. For the Jersey City, New Jersey "Why aren't you in school?"! de first time in years, only a very April I, 1953 manded, as tears welled up inside me. small crowd of onlookers was on Dear Editors of the Pauw Wow: "School," he said, "is for idiots like hand to applaud them. It was If you're still looking around the yourself. Besides, I find my school not until after 4 P. M. that the office for an article by me, you can chums - as my mother so quaintly millions began to arrive, as it stop searching now. There won't be calls them-to be immature peasants." was common knowledge that any for this edition. In fact (and With the memory of our last meet the St. Peter's College contin there's a lump in my throat as I write ing in my mind, I said, "On your way, gent would not march until 4:30.