“Keep the Cat Free”

17/10/12 Issue 1527 felixonline.co.uk Are we still a Good University? Find out where Imperial and your subject stands in the latest rankings from The Times: Page 5 New campus approved Inside...>> Maciej Matuszewski Reporter TECH

Further development of the new Im- perial West campus in White City is set to move forward following the re- cent granting of planning permission by local authorities. Zoe Mulholland, programme manager for the project, said that “she can confi rm that Ham- mersmith and Fulham Council grant- ed permission on 25 July 2012. due to the scale and nature of the scheme The latest tablets it was referred to the GLA [Greater London Authority] for their approval dissoved for you 10 which was given on 20 September >> 2012.” Th e site, at 80 Woods Lane, was clinical teaching facilities for medi- Th is development nearly triples the perial to develop multiple buildings. purchased by the College in 2009 for cal students. Planning permission for number of postgraduate bed spaces Th ere will be over fi ve new buildings, £28m after former occupants BBC postgraduate accommodation blocks that the College provides. Some one three of which will be over ten stories COMMENT Worldwide moved to the nearby Me- on the site had already been given in third of the site has also been desig- high. In total, to Felix’s current un- dia Village. Located 500m away from 2010. Th is is the fi rst phase of devel- nated as being set aside for “commer- derstanding, it seems that the total the Imperial Healthcare run Hammer- opment on the site, and has been com- cial activity” — this includes private amount of space will be just shy of one smith Hospital the development will pleted. Th e Wood Lane Studios post- housing, a hotel and a “business incu- million square feet. aim to create facilities that will house graduate accommodation currently bator” for start-up companies. Th e exact uses of all of the diff erent both world class research as well as houses the fi rst cohort of students. Th e planning permission allows Im- buildings being built has not yet >>3

Welfare reform: FEEDBACK head-to-head >>22

ISSUES ARTS

A SPECIAL REPORT ON Frieze Art Fair 10. NSS RESULTS: PAGE 4 The cold truth >>28 2 FRIDAY 19 OCTOBER EDITOR’S PICKS 8 16 44 FEATURE >> SCIENCE >> PUZZLES >> Getting a fi rst Hayfever cures? FUCWIT returns It’s a little bit too late for me If you were the per- That’s right people, it’s back. (damn it!), but this, frank son that dreaded fi eld This time, we have six month and brutally honest guide trips because of being long Netflix subscriptions to may just help you up that allergic to the fi eld give away for free! Get solv- JUST DO MY grade. part, this is for you. ing that Crossword ASAP. F**CROSSWORD

CLASSIFIEDS Can’t get no Medical Summarizer Wanted Looking for 4th, 5th or 6th year medical student with medical understanding. satisfaction? 15 hours a week. Crompton Medical Centre London W2 1ND For further details please contact Mr. Faisal Ahmed on 07776126204 Tim Arbabzadah Job Description - Sum marizing all medical letters and discharge summaries from Secondary Care (Hospitals) into the medical records for each patient at Editor-in-Chief the practice, clinical software used is EMIS LV.

All Saints Church, Fulham The NSS results are in, and, predictably, that individual extremes don’t bias them a newspaper’s name now would we? Altos wanted we once more rank fairly low down the too much. However, that really doesn’t Enough pontifi cation. Thinking is The choir of All Saints Fulham is an excellent, semi-professional choir of ap- list. Turn to page 4 to see the full cover- always work. If you have an entire body good, but action is sometimes needed. proximately 20 amateur, auditioned singers. age. of students that have different expecta- In my humble opinion, the best way to We are currently looking to expand our alto section. The choir sings weekly Now for the yearly ‘why is this?’ ques- tions, then of course they will skew the improve feedback is standardisation. I Sunday Eucharists, with sung Mass settings on feast days, and Choral Even- tion. The answer is probably the old cop results. hate bureaucracy as much as the next songs. The positions would be ideal for, but are by no means restricted to, out: it’s not just one specifi c thing, it’s I honestly can’t say for sure why we are person, but if you have a non restrict- a young professional, or London student looking for somewhere friendly to multiple factors all weighing in. I hate unhappy, or even if we are. I know that’s ing, non time consuming method of sing, but which provides a high standard of music making. reading a sentence like that as it makes not a bold statement, but it’s a true one. feedback, which sets a bare minimum This term’s music includes a Bach cantata Evensong with orchestra, masses by me feel like an arse for writing it, but I’ll However, I’ll give my two cents, and they that the marker must do and say, you Palestrina, Vierne and Briggs, Howells’ Reqiuem, and the world premiere of a have a go at dissecting it a bit. may be wrong, but I’ll speak my mind. will be on your way to a better system. composition by Francis Pott, as well as the usual cathedral-style anthems and First of all, let’s ask: are we really all I think that the workload hits us. Think From there onwards, you can drive up settings. unhappy? Or, alternatively, are we just about it: if you’re at XYZ wasteman uni- the standards of feedback. Those go- The choir is extremely welcoming, and has a busy social life! The director of a lot more honest, frank, brutal, and, at versity doing 1 hour of work a week and ing above and beyond are able to do so, music is always interested in hearing from prospective singers, and is very times, bitter with our university experi- being told you’re God’s gift to your cho- and are not restricted. Those doing the happy to chat about any aspects of the position. ence? Perhaps we all just love a good sen discipline (i.e. getting a fi rst), then bare minimum would at least be doing a Jonathan Wikeley (Director of Music) moan, and other students are all about when someone says “are you satisfi ed level deemed to be good. This would, of [email protected], tel: 07966 969 746 bigging up how great their university is? with your course”, the answer is bound course, have to be done in conjunction http://www.allsaints-fulham.org.uk/music.htm Perhaps I’m going to ask another ques- to be an expletive fi lled proclamation of with the PhDs, lecturers, and everyone tion? I probably will at some point, don’t it being incredible. else marking the work. Then a system you panic, you panicky reader you. Feedback is where we really get that the undergraduates are happy Here’s problem number one with the kicked squarely in a place you don’t want with, and that is not dumping absurd survey: it’s subjective. That’s true of to get kicked. Why do we score so low amounts of work on the postgraduates all surveys, but when it can determine on this year after year? I think that there would be found. College should search LOLCATZ OF TEH WEEK: Finding these is a perk of the job how highly a university is regarded, and really is one factor that is the primary for this, as I’m sure they can come up possibly what quality of students it can reason: we expect a lot. This is actually a with something if they put their head’s attract (i.e. top students, such as you good thing. We are at a good university, together. reading this) the issue of subjectivity which always tells us that they are in the One last point to note is that this is not becomes important. One student’s idea Golden Triangle and are battling it out a thorough dissection on my part. I wish of “good feedback” is by no means the with Oxbridge for Galactic dominance or I had more time to think about this, and same as another students. This is the something. So, yeah, we should expect more space to write about it. Therefore, point of asking everyone: normalising a lot. If we didn’t, we wouldn’t exactly be I apologise for the brevity and lack of (if that’s the word?) the results a bit, so aiming for the stars like a daredevil with depth in this editorial.

Felix, Beit Quad, Prince Consort Road, London SW7 2BB. Email: [email protected]. Tel: 020 7594 8072. Fax: 020 7594 8065. THIS BROUGHT Printed by Iliffe Print Cambridge, Winship Road, Cambridge. Registered newspaper ISSN 1040-0711. Copyright © Felix 2012. WEEK WASTO YOUBY Editor-in-Chief Tim Arbabzadah Deputy Editor Saskia Verhagen Assistant Editor Matt Colvin News Editor Aemun Reza Features Editors Caroline Wood, Stephen Smith Business Editor Deepka Rana Science Editors Philip Kent, Laurence Pope, Philippa Skett Politics Editors Padraic Calpin, Marie-Laure Hicks Food Editors Carol Ann Cheah, Sophia Goldberg, Yiango Mavrocostanti Comment Editors George Barnett, Navid Nabijou, James Simpson Fashion Editors Alex Ramadan, Saskia Verhagen, Alice Yang Arts Editors Eva Rosenthal, Meredith Thomas Books Editor Maciej Matuszewski Music Editors Mark England, Ross Gray, Simon Hunter, Íñigo Martínez De Rituerto Television Editor Lucia Podhorska Film Editors Katy Bettany, John Park, Lucy Wiles Games Editor Ross Webster Technology Editor Jason Parmar Coffee Break Boss Matt Colvin Travel Editors Veronika McQuade, Simon Carnochan Sports Editors Oli Benton, Sorcha Cotter, Margot Pikovsky Online Editors Philip Kent, Jonathan Kim Puzzles Commanders Louisa Byrne Sotirios Karamitsos Copy Chief Annina Sartor Copy Editors Al Norman, Matt Colvin, Christopher Witham, Chris Richardson, Laurence de Lussy Kubisa, Lizzy Griffiths, Julia Gherman, Illustrators Lizzy Griffiths, Outi Supponen FRIDAY 19 OCTOBER 3

News Editor: Aemun Reza [email protected] NEWS

A response to the “Possible A&E More con men by campus changes” article Student was Tim Arbabzadah Editor-in-Chief is designated as a ‘major hospital’ with a full A&E. approached by Th e consultation came to a close on 8 Following the story in the 5 October October and the results are now being Queen’s Gate 2012 issue, Chelsea and Westminster analysed by Ipsos Mori before a decision Hospital NHS Foundation Trust have is due to be made by NHS North West by men selling responded with the following: London in early 2013. If the recommendation that Chelsea “cheap designer “Patients and local resi- and Westminster keeps a full A&E ser- vice is upheld, ‘blue light’ emergencies clothing” dents support campaign to that currently go to A&E at Charing keep A&E at Chelsea and Cross Hospital will go to Chelsea and Editor-in-Chief Tim Arbabzadah Westminster Westminster instead. However, most patients who currently Th ousands of patients and local resi- use Charing Cross A&E will still go to Last week, Felix reported on a con dents have supported a campaign to the Urgent Care Centre there because man operating near campus, who was keep Chelsea and Westminster as a they are not emergency cases. asking people to help him retrieve his major hospital with a full A&E Depart- Chelsea and Westminster is already car. ment, maternity and paediatric services, making plans to expand and improve Th is week, another student has and many other key services. its A&E Department to accommodate informed Felix of situation that is Chelsea and Westminster is a campus the extra patients who would come in as not too dissimilar. It has come to of Imperial College London Faculty of emergencies if Charing Cross had an Ur- light that around London Fashion Medicine and one of the best perform- gent Care Centre instead of a full A&E. Week, two men, described roughly ing NHS trusts in the country – rated If Chelsea and Westminster was as “southern European” approached the safest hospital in England by the downgraded to a local hospital without a student while they were driving in most recent independent Dr Foster a full A&E, not only patients who rely on their car. Th e incident occurred just Hospital Guide. A&E would be aff ected. outside College, on Queen’s Gate, More than 11,000 people registered Chelsea and Westminster would also next to where the Bulgarian Embassy their support for the campaign by com- lose its Maternity Unit, life-saving fa- is situated. pleting a ‘Safe in our hands’ postcard cilities for children, and many other ser- Th e student was walking home started shouting abuse. en to Campus Security and the Cam- and more than 6,500 people signed a pe- vices. from College when the two men ap- Th e student managed to get a pho- pus Police Offi cer. tition set up by elected representatives If these services were lost to patients, proached and engaged the student in to of the two men (pixelated, above), Th e student in question advised an- of patients, members of the public and Chelsea and Westminster Hospital conversation. Th e men said that they and sent it in to Felix. yone else to: not try to interact with staff who sit on the hospital’s Council of would be non-viable and face the very were very poor and that they wanted Th e two men followed the student them, and under no circumstances Governors. real threat of closure. to sell some designer clothing for down Prince Consort Road, hurling try to get in their car or be anywhere Th e Shaping a healthier future public More information about the ‘Safe very cheap prices to quickly obtain abuse in an intimidating manner. near an enclosed space. I was luck consultation on NHS services in North in our hands’ campaign is available on money. Th e student immediately at- Th e car that the two men were driv- enough to avoid anything more se- West London—drawn up by GPs, hos- the Chelsea and Westminster Hospital tempted to dial 999. At this point the ing was described as a blue Sedan. rious happening to me, but this may pital doctors and other health experts— website at www.chelwest.nhs.uk/safein- two men drove up to the student and Th e number plate of the car was giv- not always be true. proposes that Chelsea and Westminster ourhands.”

Sponsored Editorial Art studio opens in College More student cuts

Meredith Thomas Reporter Discount haircuts for Imperial

Th e Blyth Centre has announced the students at Fresh Hairdressers opening of a new facility catering for student and staff artists. A large room in Weeks Hall has been refurbished More student cuts for Imperial To book an appointment, to function as an art studio. Access to students at South Kensington’s call 0207 823 8968. Ask for a the space and materials will be made FRESH Hairdressers. student discount and bring your available to members of the studio. Men’s cuts £22 Imperial ID. Th is can be purchased for £10 for Women’s shampoo and cut Cash only. and shake dry £28 Women’s shampoo, cut and blow-dry £38 All of our cuts are done by highly experienced stylists. Tuesday to Fridays 9.30 to 4.30 (sorry no discounts on Saturdays). We are only 70 metres from members of Leonardo Fine Arts So- in the new facility. Th e move refl ects South Kensington tube station Rustic fireplace ciety and £20 for everyone else. Both an expansion of the Blyth Centre’s tra- LeoSoc and the Blyth Gallery have ditional focus on Music towards the plans to hold workshops and lessons visual arts. 4 FRIDAY 19 OCTOBER

News Editor: Aemun Reza NEWS [email protected] Feedback woes highlighted Navid Nabijou probes the latest results from the NSS

Th e National Student Survey (NSS) was departments for the returning of marked established in 2005 by HEFCE (the body work. Th is seems to have been refl ected administering government funding of in this year’s results; 55% compared with UK universities), in order to indepen- 51% last year. Th ough still not great, this Imperial trails dently gather feedback from students is certainly an improvement. about their institutions. It is carried out Th e teaching scores, too, were far from rivals in satis- every year in the spring: fi nal-year un- spectacular – especially when compared dergraduates in almost every university with other similarly prestigious institu- faction ratings in the UK answer questions spanning a tions. Amongst the elite Russell Group broad range of topics, from the quality Universities, only students at LSE were of teaching and assessment, to the ad- more dissatisfi ed with teaching (while equacy of the learning resources avail- Oxford and Cambridge topped the table able, to their satisfaction with the Union. in both teaching and feedback scores). Feedback Response is generally high: last year, two- So where does all this dissatisfaction thirds of eligible students took the survey. come from? Various causes have been shown to be Once the results have been collected and proposed: the usual suspects of a heavy processed, they are released to the public. workload and moribund social life in- major issue Since the survey is the single biggest evitably crop up. But when results are source of student feedback available to compared across diff erent departments, universities, college administrators study a more nuanced story emerges. its results carefully. Th e survey has tan- Students in Geology, for instance, did gible infl uence, too, since the scores are not share their colleague’s general dis- Geology on a signifi cant factor in the calculation of content: a whooping 92% were satisfi ed university league table rankings. In the with the level of feedback, while 98% top; Chemistry infl uential Guardian University Guide, were satisfi ed with the overall course: far for instance, a university’s student satis- and away the highest score in College. Fe- trailing faction result comprises 25% of its overall lix talked to some Geologists to fi nd out score. Imperial’s poor showing in these what their department was doing right: polls have been the primary reason for its “As far as I know we’re the only depart- recent plummet in the league tables. ment to have an ‘Academic Tutor’ who How did we do? oversees all aspects of the undergraduate An analysis of the 2012 results makes degree. It’s eff ectively the same as a Di- for some interesting reading. At Impe- rector of Undergraduate Studies – how- rial, 86% of respondents agreed that ever, from what I’ve heard, ours is a lot “overall, I am satisfi ed with the quality more dedicated to their job than others. of my course.” Th is result is only mar- She knows everyone’s names from inter- are improving. Results have generally im- ginally lower than the English average view day, and will still keep in touch after proved from last year. Satisfaction with of 87%, though signifi cantly lower than graduation. feedback has risen 4%. Speaking with NSS Subject Rankings corresponding scores from institutions “I think people knowing each other fi rst and second-year students, it seems of similar prestige as Imperial. is crucial to satisfaction with the degree that the changes the College has made Subject Teaching Feedback Overall Analysing responses to the survey’s course. If you’re friends with so many in the last few years have had a tangible Earth and Marine Sciences 98 92 98 more specifi c questions indicates the ar- people in every other year as well as your eff ect. Materials 77 63 89 eas where the College is lacking. As in the own, you’re going to enjoy your time in Of course, these improvements won’t Civil Engineering 82 50 88 past, student feedback was a major stum- the department. Obviously having such a be fully seen in the survey results for EEE 84 62 88 bling block. Only 55% of students said small department helps with things like another few years. And in any case, it Physics 87 52 87 they were happy with the feedback they this, however I think the social side of the doesn’t refl ect well on the College that it Computer Science 84 67 85 had received – the second lowest score RSMU contributes signifi cantly by put- took some shocking survey results – and Medicine 91 49 85 in the country. Th is puts it miles behind ting on unmissable events that everyone a consequent plunge in the league tables Mechanical Engineering 76 55 81 its rivals: by comparison, the fi gures for goes to and has a great time at.” – for them to take student satisfaction Chemical Engineering 78 58 81 UCL and Kings are 60 and 61 per cent. Another student summed up this co- seriously. Mathematics 74 51 80 Medics seem to epitomise this discon- operative atmosphere: “We get a lot of Doug Hunt, Deputy President (Educa- Bioscience 83 49 79 tent at the lack of feedback. While 85% support from Lorraine (the Academic tion) gave Felix this statement about the Chemistry 81 42 78 were satisfi ed with the overall quality of Tutor), everyone gets jobs in oil compa- NSS: “Imperial College Union believes the course, only 32% thought feedback nies, we have fi eld trips, teachers all get that the NSS is highly useful when taking NSS Russell Group Rankings had helped them clarify things they did on well with the students and there is a into account the changes that have been not understand, and a mere 28% agreed general feeling of camaraderie.” made in some departments in order to that they had “received detailed com- In contrast, only 42% of Chemistry stu- improve their NSS score especially with University Teaching Feedback Overall ments on my work.” dents found the feedback they received respect to assessment and feedback. One Imperial 84 55 85 One particularly disgruntled medic, helpful (though 87% thought their teach- example of this is the restructuring of the Cambridge 93 75 94 asked by Felix to explain why they were ers were good at explaining things). Felix chemistry course that has proven highly St. Andrews 95 69 93 so dissatisfi ed with her course, replied: spoke to a chemistry student, who told popular with students who have benefi t- Oxford 93 72 93 “Because our personal tutors don’t know us: ed from this. Durham 89 69 90 who we are, our lecturers don’t care who “Th e main problem our year found However the Union disagrees with UCL 87 61 88 we are and we basically just teach our- with feedback was that the quality of the heavily weighting the NSS satisfaction Queen Mary 86 68 88 selves.” feedback you received depended sig- rankings in university league tables, Bristol 90 66 87 Insuffi cient feedback has been a rec- nifi cantly on which person was marking which we feel misleads able prospective KCL 88 60 84 ognised issue for a number of years, and your script and which lab you were doing students and potentially devalues our LSE 82 68 84 the College has taken some steps to ad- at the time.” highly talented students and alumni, who dress it, including imposing deadlines on Still, there are some signs that things are of a world class quality.” All of the figures are quoted as percentages. FRIDAY 19 OCTOBER 5

News Editor: Aemun Reza [email protected] NEWS Up with The Times Aemun Reza looks at The Times’ league tables to see our place

Good News: Civ Eng, Bad news: Chemistry 4th in 8th in The Computer Sci, Chem ranks 16th, Physics Eng and Mech Eng ranks 11th and Maths The Times Sunday Times rank 2nd place drop 4 places to 7th

Overall rankings Subject tables Teaching Th e Sunday Times Excerise and is adapted to refl ect the Th e Sunday Times gave Imperial 146 process used to distribute research Th e Times Th e Times Th e Times out of 250 (58.4%) for Teaching Excel- funding in England. Imperial College London has come Most subjects such as Geology, Medi- Imperial’s student-staff ratio scored lence based on student satisfaction According the Times table, 87.1% in 4th in the league table. Th is is the cine, Computer Science, Materials 11.6 which is calculated on the Higher combined with teaching quality, aca- of Imperial graduates are employed same place as last year but a rank be- and Biology have hovered around the Education Statistics Agency (HESA) demic support, assessment and feed- within 6 months of graduating based low from in 2011, where we came 3rd. same ranking since 2011. for 2010 -11. Th e Student Satisfaction back. on HESA for 2010 graduates Imperial have come above Lon- Other subjects have stayed consist- which includes academic support, Th e number of students getting don rival University College London ent in their ranking, like Civil Engi- scored 78 and is based on the National Firsts/2:1s is 83 out of 100 for Impe- Th e Sunday Times (UCL), which came in 7th place. neering and Chemical Engineering in Student Survery. rial Sudents. Imperial scored 147 out of 200 2nd place, and Electronical and Elec- Our Good Honours scored 81.7% (73.5%) for Research Quality based Th e Sunday Times trical Engineering in 4th place. where this is the percentage of gradu- Teaching on the Research Assessment Exercise Imperial came in 8th place which is However some subjects, like Math- ates getting a fi rst or upper second in 2008. a signifi cant improvement from last ematics for instance, have suff ered a class degree. But this could be due Th e Times Th e Sunday Times indicated that year’s position of 14th place. We rank dramatic fall from 3rd to 7th place. good teaching, lenient marking to- Research Quality for Imperial 175 per 200 graduates are employed beneath universities such as Bath, Chemistry had a slight improvement wards giving people better grades, or scored 0.99 where the grades come within 6th months (which works out Durham and Exeter. from 18th up to 16th place. our courses being easier. from the 2008 Research Assessment as 87.5% of graduates). The Times University League Table The positions of the subjects Ranking University Score 1 University of Oxford 1,000 Key: Aeronautics Biology Chem Eng Chemistry Civ Eng T = Times 2 University of Cambridge 990 ST = Sunday Times 3 London School of Economics and Political 911 Science 4 Imperial College of Science, Technology 835 and Medicine 5 Durham University 834 6 University of St Andrews 814 T: 6 T: 5 T: 2 T: 16 T: 2 7 University College London 811 ST: n/a ST: 13 ST: 7 ST: n/a ST: 7 8 University of Warwick 789 9 University of Bath 767 Comp Sci EEE Geology Materials Imperial Subjects Table 10 University of Exeter 764 Subject Rank The Sunday Times University League Table Civ Eng 1 Comp Sci – Ranking University Total Chem Eng – 1 University of Cambridge 906 T: 2 T: 4 T: 3 T: 5 Mech Eng – 2 University of Oxford 867 ST: 3 ST: 1 ST: n/a ST: n/a General Eng 5 3 University of Bath 841 Geology – 4 Durham University 840 Maths Mech Eng Medicine Physics EEE 7 5 University of St Andrews 819 Bio 8 6 London School of Economics and Political 813 Materials – Science Medicine 10 7 University of Exeter 809 Aeronautics – 8 Imperial College London 801 Maths 12 9 Heriot-Watt University 783 T: 7 T: 2 T: 6 T: 11 Physics 13 10 University of Warwick 781 ST: 21 ST: 4 ST: 25 ST: 4 Chemistry 14 6 FRIDAY 19 OCTOBER

News Editor: Aemun Reza NEWS [email protected]

Local residents opposed to tower height and traffic

continued from the front page plans. Imperial claims that the devel- >> opment will bring numerous benefi ts been entirely decided and confi rmed.. for the local population, pointing out It seems, from the planning permis- that development plans include the Theme Hospital sion, that it could house Biomedical building of a new healthcare centre just got a research, health, and teaching facili- and a publicly accessible square. In a graphics update ties. statement earlier this year John An- Th e plans, however, have met with derson, Project Director for Imperial strong opposition from local resi- West, added: “Imperial West will pro- dents, with over one hundred letters vide real and lasting benefi ts for the objecting to the proposals having capital, helping to grow the London been received by Hammersmith and economy, and has the capacity to gen- Fulham Council. Some half a dozen erate and sustain over 3,000 jobs. We groups, including the Hammersmith have consulted widely with the plan- Society and the Hammersmith and ning authorities and local residents Fulham Historic Buildings Group, and this process has helped inform have voiced strong concern; with the the basis of our planning application.” St Helens Residents Association cre- Felix contacted College to ask about ating a website — imperialfolly.org. more recent developments. Specifi - uk — to articulate their concerns. In cally, Felix asked about how the Col- Kensington and Chelsea, there were lege is working with the residents in 160 objections. the local area to ensure that the resi- Many of the objections concern dents are not left unhappy about the the relate to the height of Campus’ development. A College spokesper- buildings. While the highest BBC son replied with the following state- Worldwide Buildings on the site were ment: 4 stories tall Imperial College is not “In developing the masterplan pro- planning on building any buildings posals for the former BBC site, the with less than fi ve stories. Th e tallest project team has incorporated feed- building will be a 35 story, 110m tall back from a variety of stakeholders residential tower which will, to Felix’s including Hammersmith and Fulham current knowledge, contain 133 units Council, the Greater London Author- for private sale and 59 apartments for ity, and local residents. Among the Imperial postdoctoral researchers. refi nements made to the proposals Residents fear that this will impact before submission to the planning au- negatively on low rise housing in the thority included: Oxford Gardens Conservation Area. • Introducing a stepped build- Th e College dismissed concerns that ing form on Wood Lane to take overshadowing by the buildings will on board concerns of residents lead to an excessive lack of sunlight for living nearby. existing houses, saying that the worst • Reductions in the height and aff ected buildings will be commercial massing of buildings along the properties, and that the College used eastern boundary facing the the “industry leader” to consult on the residential area of North Kens- daylight and overshadowing of build- ington. ings. • Locating taller buildings fur- Th ere are also concerns about in- ther to the west and south of creased traffi c, especially in light of the site, and refi ning the tallest separate plans to extend the nearby building in an east/west ori- Westfi eld shopping centre. Th e St entation to make it more slen- Helens Residents Association believes der, minimising its profi le and that “it is hard to see how Wood Lane, tapering in relation to north/ which will provide the access and south views. egress for [both] developments, will Local residents have been actively not be gridlocked at all times”. Th ey involved in the development of the believe the problem will be exacer- community space, ‘Brickfi elds Hall’ bated by the number of parking spaces on the junction of Shinfi eld Street and on the site, 240, being far too low to Eynham Road, working with the de- meet demand. sign team on the layout, fi xtures and Despite the opposition it looks un- fi ttings. Th e new community space likelythe that the College will alter its will opengreat at the end of October.” soc off! 25 October 2012 / 20:00 - 00:00 / Metric / £1 entry Dress as your department. All the £1 entry fees go back to the top Dep Socs (based on who gets the highest percentage of their students to come) Compete against other departments in our challenges e.g. apple bobbing, pass the mascot etc.

8 FRIDAY 19 OCTOBER

Features Editors: Stephen Smith, FEATURES Caroline Wood [email protected] How to get a first: a blagger’s guide The Old Man offers some wise words to new students

‘m not here to tell you how to pen. Work when you mean to work make notes or to advise you and play when you mean to play. If on exam technique. Th e fol- you don’t have an interest outside Ilowing are a few dirty tricks your studies you’ll burn out or at the that I’ve learnt though my very least have a miserable time. years at Imperial. I’m a physicist so Go to tutorials, if you’re wavering that’s what I’ve written about, but on a grade boundary the backing of maybe you can transfer some of this your tutor will count for a lot more to your own course – unless it’s geol- than those extra assessed problem ogy, I have no tips on colouring-in. sheet marks. Th e fi rst thing to remember is Th is one might be a bit contro- all you leave here with is a grade. It versial, but, personally, I don’t think doesn’t matter that you picked the there’s much value in fi guring out hardest subjects or that your supervi- problem sheets from scratch. Exams sor messed you around. Th e outside are about reproducing mathematical world doesn’t care. All they see is: 1st tricks, so I generally waited for the – clever (might be an arse), 2:1 – did answers before attempting any. alright, probably well rounded, 2:2 – too much sport, 3rd or below – ex- Courses pensive toilet paper. Th ese grades are awarded with huge boundaries and Choice of courses is paramount, get even if you miss one by a few percent it right and it can easily earn you a you will still get an interview to bring grade. First and foremost choose you up. courses based on who’s lecturing. Th is makes the undergrad obses- Get a duff lecturer with bad notes sion with getting every last mark and you’ll be up a popular creek frankly ridiculous. Don’t get me without a paddle. Th ere are some lec- wrong, the mid-morning panic be- turers who require students to think fore an assessed problem sheet dead- during exams – these sadists should line is quite amusing, but it won’t be avoided at all costs. Fortunately make a diff erence to your grade. there are others that perennially set A problem sheet is worthless and easy papers. Find out who these won- one mark is 0.017 times that. Th e aim derful people are and make your life of your fi rst year is to learn how to a bit easier. learn. Don’t waste hours minus sign It is of course deeply unfair that hunting when you could be grasping the (in)competence of the lecturer concepts (or enjoying yourself). If should have a greater impact on your you care that much, just cheat. grade than your own (in)competence. Students are the best teachers so You might naively expect that some talk to your peers. You don’t get any central system would sort this out. marks for deriving the whole of phys- And it’s true such a system does exist, ics by yourself. For me, half the time I however, in practice, I’ve never seen was stuck it was just a mistake in the it work, and the same lecturers give lecture notes. high marks year after year. If you’re looking for people to work After second year there are no com- with, ignore the front row. Th ey’re pulsory courses (in Physics), so this is not clever, they just need people to the point where assumed knowledge think they are. Th e clever kid is sit- stops. Yet lots of courses require the ting on their own, quietly confi dent same background, which must be and defi nitely not stopping the lec- taught in each course. Th is means ture every fi ve minutes to ask yet an- there’s room for the astute student to other inane question. economise their learning by maxim- “The clever kid is sitting on their own, quietly confident and definitely not stopping the lecture every five minutes.” Stand up for yourself, particularly ising the overlap between subjects. with demonstrators. Th ese are gen- In Physics, for example, General erally young PhD students with little Relativity, Quantum Field Th eory What if you’re stuck? planation is ever perfect. Whether hour musical or any other nonsense marking experience a.k.a easy pick- and Unifi cation all require a good it’s textbooks or lecture notes they that gets in the way of your exams. ings. After each lab report you will grasp of Einsteinian notation. Do It’s important to recognise when all inevitably miss out something. If have a feedback session where they all three and you get taught it three you’re completely lost. Courses gen- you use more than one of these the Finally point out the reasons you’ve been times, have three times the practice erally build on themselves, so when chances are they won’t both have marked down. Your job is to listen and get three times the marks, but this happens it’s probably because missed the same thing. You’re not at school anymore. If you very carefully and wait for them to only have to learn it once. you’ve missed something early on. fail the only person that looks bad is slip up. Perhaps they said you left Some of the conceptually harder Forget about keeping up with the Revision you. Lecturers, tutors and demon- something out or that you made an courses can be a good way to go. course and go back to the start, it’s strators are too busy with their own error in your maths. Are they right? Quantum Information might seem much more important to understand Start early, the Easter Holiday has a research to drag you through your If not you should very politely point like a lot to get your head around. the basics. misleading title and even this might degree. You are the master of your it out. However, once you get there you If you can phrase your question go be cutting it a bit fi ne. Get a timetable own destiny, you can fail spectacu- Don’t spend your time sitting in can almost guarantee a high mark to offi ce hours, they’re a massively and stick to it. It’s better to learn half larly and no one will blink an eye. You front of books because you’re too (~90%). Get a few of these under your under used resource. Talk to your of all of your courses than all of half might not like it but “research reigns, guilty to go out but not working be- belt and it can really take the strain peers. of them. Stop playing sports, become students are pains” – even when cause you’re too bored to pick up a off your average If all that fails remember no ex- a recluse and for God sake don’t do 24 they’re paying £9,000 a year. everynation.co.uk

SUNDAYS ACTIVITY SPACE 1

Free café – 5:30 10 FRIDAY 19 OCTOBER

Technology Editor: Jason Parmar TECHNOLOGY [email protected] Get your Christmas tablet Max Eggl compares four of the latest student friendly tablets to

easons come and go, but Christmas never changes, it’s always 25th December. Considering that it’s only 66 days away (that’s only 65 shopping days), you might as S well get started making your wish list (parents do need something to spend money on!). So to help you get an idea, here are 4 budget tablets that might tickle your fancy! iPad Mini

n the 18th of October cameras (front and back) as well as the Android? How many of these half a mil- We apologise to any Apple fanboys who just ejaculated in their lecture 2010, Steve Jobs famously same chip as the iPad 2. Th us it will not lion apps will work out for the Mini? We said: “seven inch tablets be as fast as its newest big brother, but the will have to wait and see! Another pro of Oshould come with sand- CPU will clock in at a respectable 1GHz. the iPad Mini exists in the co-ordination paper, so users can fi le Unfortunately it seems that the Mini will it shares with the other Apple devices, so their fi ngers down.” Now, almost two use the 8-pin dock connector introduced if you are one of those people who owns years to the day, the Apple rumour mill with the iPhone 5, so if you have tons of one or several Apple things, then perhaps is going crazy about what will be released “old-school” accessories then perhaps this is for you. within the next weeks. Yes ladies and you should fi nd something diff erent. Now to the price. If you’re thinking, I gentlemen, it seems Apple is releasing a 7 Logic dictates that the software of want it, how much do I have to spend? inch tablet. However, will this be the end the iPad Mini will be iOS 6, however it I’ll tell you that the price bandied around of Apple and their marketing genius? seems logic does not dictate Apple Maps. on the internet is quite intriguing! For Th e new iPad, referred to as the iPad Yep sorry folks, you don’t seem to get a diff erent memory sizes (8GB, 16GB and Mini or iPad Air is not yet released, and choice for the software if you want to 32GB) the web states a price in the range offi cially Apple denies its existence. So all purchase this pocket-sized Apple tablet. of £180 to £250! Th at’s right guys you I can relay here are rumours painstak- However, iOS 6 does have several posi- could own an iPad for less than 200 quid! ingly gathered from the internet. tives, which perhaps will make this buy Now, if you are already mentally running First to the basics, Mini is rumoured sensible for you; fi rst and foremost the to the Apple store in Regent Street, I have The Kindle Fire HD has Dolby speakers, for book worms who like sound to be a 7.85 inch (diagonally) tablet with App Store. I cannot emphasize how big one last caveat: the release date! Sadly, we a screen resolution similar to that of the the iOS App store is: it drives the whole do not know the exact release date, as it iPad and iPad 2. Also it seems that the ecosystem. With more than 500,000 apps seems production problems are haunting iPad Mini will stick with the 16:9 ratio in- you will never be left wanting in your Apple’s production of the Mini, but with troduced with the iPhone 5, which makes search for the perfect app. Th e question a new Apple conference titled “we have a sense as most movies are fi tted to this ra- is, with Apple’s constant fragmentation little more to show you” on 23rd October, tio. Furthermore the Mini will sport dual of its devices, are they heading the way of we’re pretty sure it’s then. Kindle Fire HD

he original Kindle con- sounding tinny, but not much else, and a Kindle you end up only buying from Surface - Microsoft products shouldn’t look this good or colourful vinced everyone that eb- here Amazon is trying to change the Amazon. Talking about buying, the Fire ooks were a winner, the game! Working with Dolby, they have HD has a huge library of ebooks, movies TKindle Fire convinced added speakers that try to achieve that and music, which is to be expected. It’s everyone low-budget tab- eardrum-bursting surround sound that in the app department where Amazon lets could work. Th e question is now, Dolby usually achieves. Once we get our fails to be strong. Since the Fire HD (all does the Kindle Fire HD have enough to hands on this device we hope to confi rm Kindles as a matter of fact) don’t have ac- convince you to buy it? Well that is up to that this coming together has worked! cess to the Google Play store, they are all you, but here I’ll give you the juicy details On the software side the Kindle uses limited to the Amazon app store, which to help you make your choice! a highly modifi ed version of Android only has...(drum roll)...50,000 apps. Th at Th e Kindle Fire HD is also a 7 inch tab- 4.0, also known as Ice Cream Sandwich, may sound like a lot, but when you think let, fi tting in your pocket snugly. Its aver- which is almost unrecognisable from that ios has 250,000 iPad apps alone, it’s age of 8 hours of battery life isn’t spec- the original, and from that you can draw quite meagre. tacular but it could be worse, and the the conclusion that Jelly Bean and fur- All in all, the Amazon Kindle does screen, with its 216 ppi (pixels per square ther iterations of Android will probably cater to all other needs and at its cost of inch), is much sharper than that of the not come to the Fire HD anytime soon. £159 for the 16GB and £199 for the 32GB iPad 2 and other comparable tablets. Th e However, Amazon tries to make up with (with sponsored screen savers!) it’s quite CPU is on-par with that of the rumoured that with free unlimited cloud stor- a good deal, and if you have an Amazon iPad Mini, which will lead to lag-free age for all your Amazon content. Th is prime membership you get to download Google endorse Transformers? I’m not trusting their judgement anymore use. Most tablets speakers are good at may seem limiting, but when you own ebooks for free. Th at’s a steal! FRIDAY 19 OCTOBER 11

Technology Editor: Jason Parmar [email protected] TECHNOLOGY treat early with Felix Tech buy before the Christmas rush: pre-order before Halloween! Microsoft Surface RT The Summary*

hen Microsoft external hard drives, computer mice simultaneously, next to each other, * for those too lazy to read the reviews fi rst showed and many other things to be attached which adds to the ability of the sur- off its tablet in to your tablet. Also the Surface has a face to work like a desktop-on-the-go We have looked at 4 different tablets, from 4 different companies W 2000 it was an very good CPU (Tegra 3 (T30) that for a student. When you purchase with 4 (almost) different Operating systems. So now you are scratch- absolute... fail. clocks in at a very fast 1.4GHz, which the Surface with Windows RT, you ing your head and wondering, which one is for me? Well let’s com- However, now, after Apple defi ned the will allow you to use your tablet with- get the Word, Excel, Powerpoint and pare them and see which kind of person they fit. Before we make any tablet market, the Redmond-based out lag. One worrying thing about OneNote thrown in, which for most comparisons, we can safely ignore the hardware (unless its something company is trying another time to the Surface though is the silence students is a bonus! Two cons that radically different) because all of these are relatively the same, and crack this growing market and this about the battery performance that I do have to mention, is, fi rstly, the thus software is the real variant. time it seems it may be a success! Microsoft is practicing. Usually this apparent worries that many experts Th e “Surface” comes in two diff erent is something that companies brag have about Windows 8. So when you fl avours; their main diff erence being about so perhaps this is may not be buy the Surface, you will be buying iPad Mini the OS they run. Sadly here we only spectacular. into something that is new and un- With Apple you always know what you get, you know that everything discuss the Windows RT version, al- Windows 8. What else can one say. tested. Secondly, programs can only will be high quality and will work. Nothing will feel cheap, and if you though there will be a Windows 8 pro Windows 8 is Microsoft’s newest OS, be downloaded from the Windows own other Apple products it is only a plus. If you are a person who is article later on, so don’t worry! and it has been praised as well as store (“metro style”), but when you happy to be confined within the eco-system of Apple and aren’t really Before we talk about the software, criticized, so what will this operat- are used to tablets today, this sounds that techie, this may be the tablet for you. let’s talk hardware. Th e Surface has ing system do for the Surface? I am like what we all know and love. Th e Price: £180 to £250 many diff erences to the other low end quite excited actually, as it seems this problem with this, similarly to the Release Date: 23th October (rumoured) tablets that make it quite attractive will be the fi rst attempt at a tablet Kindle, is the limiting app store. Th e Memory: 8GB to 32GB for anyone looking at a purchasing a that will give you a full desktop ex- Windows Marketplace has only about OS: iOS tablet. Not only does it have a beauti- perience on a device you can hold in 100,000 apps. So what you ask? Well ful 10.6 inch screen (something none one hand! However, since this is the how many are going to be optimised of the other tablets discussed here budget version, we can not expect for the Surface? Kindle Fire HD have), it also has the option to add a the whole shebang, but what is still Th e Surface seems to be a great The Fire HD is the one who doesn’t seem to have a real target audi- micro SD card, and, perhaps the most achieved is really impressive. Th is tablet, and it surely will make some ence, but when you really look at it has a lot to offer. The people who amazing, a USB port! Th e USB port includes something that we expected kind of impact into the tablet market. will want to look into the Fire HD, are not really that focused on apps, may not sound like such a big deal, on tablets but never got, but that Mi- Hopefully we will be seeing cheaper but more into the ebook/music scene. The speakers as well as the un- but when you think about all the tab- crosoft has promised us, and this is iterations of the Surface in the future, limited cloud storage seem promising. I, however, really like this free- lets that have been released through- the “true multitasking experience”. but, honestly, for what you are getting ebok-if-you-are-an-amazon-premium-member thing, maybe you do out these past few years, less than On the Surface, Microsoft claims it is a bit cheeky wanting it to be less too! ten have USB ports. Th is will allow that you will be able to run two apps than 400 pounds. Price: £159 - £199 Release Date: 25th October Memory: 16GB and 32GB OS: Modified Android 4.0 (Ice Cream Sandwich) Google Nexus 7 Microsoft Surface RT The Surface, if it comes out as described, will be a game-changer in the tablet business. The fact that you have a USB port, a touch keyboard cover, as well a kickstand for it to stand on its own, makes this tablet he Nexus 7 was hoped to really does?) you not only have to get you can modify how your Nexus 7 pretty much a laptop (or “hybrid”). This may be the best option for a be the Android answer a camera app, you also have no op- will work. Th is freedom is unique student, considering you get most of Microsoft office as well as a 10.6 to the iPad in the low- tion to see a preview of your picture. to the Android experience and a big inchw screen, but sadly the price may put some people off. budget tablet market and Compared to the other tablets looked selling point for people who want to Price: £400 T th from the reviews it really at here, it’s quite a bit heavier consid- control their environment and not be Release Date: 26 October does seem that way. Th e tablet, made ering its size. controlled by it. Another positive of Memory: 32GB and 64GB with options to add more by Acer and Google, is the most suc- Th e hardware might not sound so Android is the integration that it has OS: Windows RT cessful Android to date (barring the awe-inspiring, but it’s the software with your Google account and more Kindle Fire if you count that as An- that really does this trick for this tab- importantly with Google Maps, as the droid), so perhaps this is the one for let. Th e Nexus is the fl agship of the whole Apple Maps fi asco shows how Google Nexus 7 you! Android tablet world, and thus it has important mapping really is to users. Google’s foray into the tablet market has been a successful one, and Th e Nexus comes with an extremely the newest Android version (Jelly Th is tablet is the only one out at this tablet is for those who are not happy to be limited. Android is sharp 7 inch screen, as well as good Bean) and will most likely will be the this very moment, and so you could the Windows of the tablet world, and such modifiability will appeal to battery life, wifi and NFC technol- fi rst to get further updates. Further- go and buy it right away. Maybe you many tech-oriented students. The inclusion of NFC will also appeal to ogy. Th is allows you to use Android more, if you are someone who likes will when you hear the price: £159 those who have a Android device with Android beam. beam with other Android devices to get inside the guts of their pos- & £199 for the two variations. Th is Price: £159 - £199 with NFC, which makes sharing fi les sessions, Android is the way to go, as is defi nitely an absolutely amazing Release Date: Out Now even easier. Sadly the Nexus does it (along with other Nexus devices) deal for what you get, and if you are Memory: 8GB and 16GB not come with a rear camera, which comes with a Boot Loader, which al- an Android person you should really OS: Android 4.1 (Jelly Bean) means if you want to take pictures lows the user to get privileged con- consider this tablet for Christmas or with your tablet (but honestly, who trol of the devices subsystems. Th us generally to buy. 12 FRIDAY 19 OCTOBER

Politics Editors: Padraic Calpin POLITICS Marie-Laure Hicks [email protected] The Republicans’ Last Chance to Win?

Politics Editor Marie-Laure Hicks half the babies born in the country record numbers of deportations. voters. Unemployment and individual The Other US Election were from minority parents, especially Higher unemployment than the liberty have similar scores for both Americans are electing their president Latinos. Every month, nearly 50 000 national average and the house price groups. Th e main other diff erence was but also 33 Senators, a third of the Senate hroughout the campaign, Latinos become eligible to vote. And crash, it is no surprise that the Latino that younger voters showed little or and to an extent the keys to power. Obama has been depicted they tend to vote Democrat. Polls electorate is focused on economic no interest in family, immigration and The Senate has a strong role in the T as having two advantages: have shown that a resounding 65-72% policies for this election. Even after the right to life. Th e Republican Party American law making process. For an the incumbent advantage of Latinos support Obama, with only a rise in support in 2010 and Senator may be out of touch with Latinos on act of Congress to pass, both the Senate and the demographic advantage. 20–25% supporting Romney. Marco Rubio’s stardom, Romney and questions like immigration, they are and the House of Representatives have Since 1948, only three incumbent Th is change in demographics the GOP have failed to take advantage also out of touch with most Millenials, to approve it. Effectively, whichever presidents have failed to be re-elected, has sent states swinging. Florida, of the situation. Th e Republicans have the most liberal generation. GOP party controls the Senate will have a with seven successful bids. As an Colorado and Nevada have become a strong and negative rhetoric on membership is expected to decline strong hand in the policies that the incumbent, the candidate has already battlegrounds. New Mexico, where border control and illegal immigrants drastically over the next 20 years, with federal government attempts to launch. gone through the necessary amount almost half the population is Latino, that alienates Latino voters. Romney’s a third of its members eff ectively just The battle for the Senate has become of selection to become president in used to be viewed as a swing state policies on a double layer border dying away. Th e GOP is on the brink unexpectedly fierce and close, with the fi rst place and has four years’ but since 2008 is almost considered fence with Mexico, “self deportation” of a major demographic crisis. Its core both parties now fighting for every seat. experience doing the job. At the as a safe state for Democrats. And and an electronic system to verify voter base, white, blue collar men, Republicans were expected to do well moment, with a dismal economy this is only the beginning. Texas, and the legality of workers is not helping. will no longer be suffi cient to win an but most recent polls (realclearpolitics. and gridlocked administration its 38 electoral votes, has a growing Latinos are not necessarily directly election. After 2012, the Republicans com) put the Democrats in the lead with following the GOP takeover of the Latino population. Th e Republican concerned by these matters, however will have to adapt their policies to 48 seats, the GOP behind with 45 and House of Representatives, many stronghold is now they feel targeted. When Obama the new majorities and younger 7 toss ups. The outcome of the election voters are disillusioned and even being eyed by declared in June that he would not generation, without whom they risk is still very uncertain and it will depend disappointed with Obama, Democrats. deport undocumented immigrants political extinction. Th e Democrats on the popularity of each presidential reducing the momentum that Th e strong who arrived in America as children also need to provide more social and candidate in the different states up for carried him to victory in 2008. lead Obama for two years, the deal was sealed. economic opportunities for Latinos in election. Both parties will also be hoping Th e demographic advantage, holds within Th e Republican Party is risking the order to keep their support. for a scandal free final campaigning however, is most certainly the Latino creation of an unfriendly political Concerning this coming election, month, especially the Republicans. playing its part in securing community identity within the Latino community. the die are still rolling. Romney Their candidate in Missouri, Todd Akin electoral votes. is rather Th e GOP’s second problem is the has the bad economy on his side. has refused to step down even after the Th e American electorate astonishing. youth. More than a third of GOP Obama, even though he is backed by outrage caused by his “legitimate rape” is changing, at an increasing Th ey are one voters are over 58. An Azimuth an astounding majority of Latinos, is comment. Winning the presidential pace. Th e white proportion of the worst hit Research Group poll has shown playing a dangerous game, as their election without the Senate could of the electorate has been groups by the that Republican voters aged 18-27 voter turnout is not always high. And lead to a paralysed administration, declining since economic crisis have diff erent priorities than older completely random factors can still comparable to Obama’s, restricted by 1992. Th is and Obama’s members. Half of young voters ranked aff ect the race. A local college football the Republican controlled House of year, more “Yeah baby” administration government spending as their main win could boost the incumbent’s Representatives. than reached interest, compared to 36% older support by an average 1.6%. Conservative Party Conference

Writer Kirstin Hay closing wards in one-fi fth of hospitals an ‘Aspiration Nation’, and describing on issues they’re uncomfortable seeing remained in line during the and re-igniting the abortion debate aspiration as the engine for progress, pushed, such as Zac Goldsmith on conference, especially on the issue of along with the Women’s Minister, will have gone down well with Heathrow’s Th ird Runway, or Nadine same-sex marriage. Party conference – the political which is doing nothing to help the traditional conservative voters, but Dorries on everything. You can see the Th ose angered by the arrival of equivalent of the offi ce Christmas coalition Government’s image of his most quoted line has to have been push from all main parties to legalise policies such as equal marriage will party. Careers are made or broken; being anti-women. Boris Johnson, in “I’m not here to defend privilege, but same-sex marriage is angering the however have been well appeased too much alcohol and inappropriate a thinly veiled lurch for leadership, to spread it”. It may be oxymoronic traditional Tory base. Lord Carey even by the touting of the Government’s sex; and all the dirty secrets get out. is also posturing to keep a distance to cite privilege as something that managed to compare those calling latest policy – ‘Bash a Burglar’. To Th ankfully much of that goes on between himself and Cameron, and can be spread, but voters always like opponents of equal marriage ‘bigots’ steal a line from Tony Blair, “Tough behind the scenes, because the novelty wrestling to take the media spotlight the notion that everyone to Nazis. As Th eresa May might have on crime, tough on the causes of of catching politicians with their away from Cameron. Th is was never can get richer or more said, “We’re the Nasty Party”, but one crime”, although I do not think that he trousers round their ankles would going to be an easy conference for the successful. of the major changes in the party had more rights for homeowners to wear off pretty soon. Conservatives. Th e obedience of the through Cameron’s leadership attack those breaking into property in Th e media love to paint the Of course this conference was by no Conservative was the shift towards more mind. Many backbench Tory MPs are party conferences as a “make or means all negative for the Conservative party from 2005 liberal social policy, and the key unhappy with laws such as the Human break” moment for the leaders of party, despite the diffi culties faced from the arrival of David test to stand by this in tough Rights Act, so making a play to reduce parties, but this time they really in the rest of the political sphere – Cameron as their great times has been passed the rights of criminals will do much to excelled themselves. Not only is the Cameron is still the most liked of the leader is faltering. MPs with almost fl ying keep the Conservative party united, economy still not growing, and with three main party leaders. Th e polls are slowly speaking colours. Fringe even when the Chief Whip is poised unemployment especially among must look distressing, but mid-term out of turn politicians on the edge of resignation. young people a continuing problem, of a government during a recession to making With the conference season rounded Cameron’s party are going all out to be only 10 points behind is something ill-advised up, not much has changed. Th e make the headlines and not necessarily to be not particularly worried about, comments at coalition is still intact, Labour are still in the best way. Th e party’s Chief especially as Labour’s lead is mostly homophobic ahead in the polls, and the economy is Whip, Andrew “Bruiser” Mitchell, caused by not being in the coalition rallies still the biggest problem. Th e troops was facing increasing pressure to rather than through off ering a aside, are rallied and each party is fi red up resign after shouting obscenities preferable alternative. the bulk to take the fi ght to the others, it is just at Downing Street police offi cers. Th e Tuesday of conference brought BoJo and his mate, Dave the Broom of the a pity the next general election is not Jeremy Hunt, Health Secretary is Cameron to the podium. Calling for party until 2015.

14 FRIDAY 19 OCTOBER

Fashion Editors: Alex Ramadan, FASHION Saskia Verhagen, Alice Yang [email protected] New term, new season and a RED

Red has always held a special place in the hearts of wom- en as a symbol of power, confidence and sensuality – an eye-catching scarlet lipstick for seduction, chic red nails for timeless elegance and, of course, scarlet-soled Lou- boutins for a woman truly in control. Red is a colour for turning heads, and always catches an editor’s eye at fashion week. From rich reds with a metal- lic sheen at Haider Ackermann and McQueen’s explosive vermilion finale dress for the highest-impact, to the more wearable versions – the little red dress is going to be the dress for this party season. Don’t expect to stand on the dancefloor with your back against the wall in the LRD. Season after season, red crops up as the colour for the brave and the confident. It stands alone, and requires no This winter is n distraction: heads turn with the smallest of efforts. away in shades of Lanvin Ackermann Haider McQueen Alexander Sander Jil those are of the sa PURPLE variety. Instead, b

From sugary grape to enchanting amethyst, purple was chic block of colo the canvas colour for designers this autumn. In other words, purple became the backdrop upon which patterns were printed and embellishments sewn. the runways this s Purple has long been the colour of nobility and status, so it is of little surprise to see the colour used to dye mink and rich metallic tweeds – even a touch of the colour adds vermilion to deep something expensive and opulent to a look. Combine it with black for a simple, chic ensemble. For inspiration, refer to the different runway incarna- shade to su tions of the colour: from Christopher Kane’s sweet and youthful dress to Miu Miu’s luxurious deep purple suit – see Karlie’s flash of turquoise across the eyes for an idea for an extra pop of colour - purple and turquoise are a se- cret match made in heaven. By Alice Christian Dior Alberta Ferretti Miu Christopher Kane Saskia V OXBLOOD Photos from

A more appetising name could have been found for this colour – halfway between mahogany and dark red – cur- rently taking the world by storm. Nevertheless, oxblood is most definitely the colour to covet this season. Already popular on the high street, this particular shade, reminis- cent of a vintage red wine, took no time in filtering down from the catwalks – and it’s not hard to see why. Dark enough to hint at mystery but rich enough to utter luxury; bright enough as a colour yet still deep enough for winter, oxblood is the perfect colour. So perfect in fact, that not only did Frida Giannini feature it on Gucci’s mod- els, but also on the runway carpet, setting the scene for her adventurous woodland-inspired show. For all those wishing to blag their fashion credentials, take note: oxblood is the colour to know. Gucci Versus Wu Jason Wu Jason FRIDAY 19 OCTOBER 15

Fashion Editors: Alex Ramadan, Saskia Verhagen, Alice Yang FASHION [email protected] new colour palette to match FOREST

It may be hard for us Londoners to imagine a more com- mon colour other than grey given that it surrounds us as concrete pavements and towering clouds, but we must try to remember that for those not living in a metropolis there is another form of life: nature. And it is from here that the colour ‘forest’ emerges. Why forest as opposed to green I hear you ask: because it is neither the grassy nor algae shades of nature to which we refer. Rather, it is the deep tints of winding ivy and plush peacock hues that are to be envied. Keep in touch with nature, literally, with McQ’s leaf- embellished military coats or look to Natasha Poly whose iconic moment in Gucci’s show-stopping velvet leopard- not for shrinking print Devore dress at Cannes sealed the colour into the fashion repertoire. f grey – whether Victoria Beckham Victoria Gucci McQ Laurent Saint Yves artorial or literary brave the cold in a COBALT our offered up on Some may call it blue, but in the fashion world we prefer cobalt this winter. Not quite dark enough to call navy, co- balt strikes somewhere between royal and midnight. season. From rich With enough shine, the colour is electrifying as per Moschino’s dress with its shimmy-worthy feathered skirt, yet when sheer layers are built up into intensity a la Chris- p purple, there’s a tian Dior, cobalt transforms into an exquisite, yet under- stated incarnation of the colour. But it was Stella McCartney’s take on cobalt in neat it all tastes. suits and perfect tailoring that really took the colour into the collective fashion consciousness. Never before has businesswear looked so fresh and modern. Think back to the reign of Thatcher, and take away the shoulder pads, dubious politics and big hair and add a heavy dose of chic. Yang and Now that’s a conservative party I could go to. Moschino Christopher Kane Christian Dior Stella McCartney Verhagen m vogue.co.uk BLACK

A timeless winter staple, black takes the throne of chic 0nce again. But this season, instead of taking a backstage role upon which the other pieces found their roots, black took a leap forward, hitting centre stage with a dark mythical beat – nothing boring or dull about it at all. Making appearances across all the catwalks, the col- our black found itself metamorphosing constantly – in tough patent leather at one show to sumptuous sweeping sheers the next. Velvet, silk, fur and tweed: the key with black this season, as always, lies in the variation of texture and it is here that the most modern incarnations of black are to be found. Invest in classic pieces in black that will last a lifetime – a vintage designer coat, an evening dress, or a chic fur wrap for the winter chills. Black is back, for good. Gucci Sander Jil & Rolf Viktor Bottega Veneta 16 FRIDAY 19 OCTOBER

Science Editors: Philip Kent, SCIENCE Laurence Pope, Philippa Skett [email protected] Suffer from hayfever? A so A new clinical trial from joint research with Imperial College an

Contributions by Philip Kent, Mimi Li, Maciej Matuszewski, Annina Sartor, Philippa Skett, and Jacob Ward

w What is hayfever? In numbers... (data from the University of Worcester

A little history... fungal spores — meaning that some people First scientifically described in 1819 by John experience the condition year round. In rare 95% of hayfever Sufferers Bostock, hay fever, also known as allergic rhi- cases ‘cross-reactivity’ may occur — with hay nitis, is an allergic reaction to small particles fever sufferers experiencing an allergic reac- sufferers are say their in the air that most commonly causes nasal tion to certain foods, such as apples, which inflammation but may also result in watery contain similar proteins to those found in allergic to grass productivity is eyes and itching throat. These symptoms are pollen grains. the result of the airborne allergens triggering Some one fifth of the population experi- pollen reduced by 63% the production of histamine, which produces ence hay fever, and while it can affect any- inflammation. While most people experience body it is most common amongst those with only mild effects the condition can cause se- a family history of allergies. The condition vere disruption in people lives and may exac- usually first manifests in the early teens and erbate the symptoms of asthma. reduces in severity in the sufferer’s 20s — in up to 20% of cases, all symptoms permanent- Allergy or something else? ly dissapear in the end. Despite the condition’s name, hay very rarely 78% 54% of sufferers produces an allergic reaction. Sufferers in- of hayfever stead find themselves hypersensitive to wind feel less distributed pollen, most commonly that of sufferers feel it grass, which is responsible for some 90% of attractive cases, but also that of certain trees (such as detrements their using birch) and other plants. quality of life While pollen levels are generally highest peak periods in late spring and early summer, different weeds flower through the entire period from early spring to autumn; hay fever symptoms may also be caused by dust, pet hair and What is PollenLITE?

PollenLITE is a new type of vaccine aiming to prevent hay fever symptoms triggered during grass pollen season. Instead of treat- ing the symptoms, like the over-the-counter Natural Remedies anti-histamines found in your local pharma- cist, pollenLITE prevents these symptoms in For all the hippies out there, you will be sorry with caution the legitimacy of this, as pub- the first place by “turning off” the allergic to hear that alternative cures are somewhat lished trials are sketchy in both the method- reaction. lacking when it comes to significant reme- ology and the results they present. The potential for a vaccine like pollenLITE dial properties. Complementary Alternative But if you still can’t face putting money was first hinted at in a study published in Medicine, also lovingly referred to as CAMs, into GSK’s ever expanding pocket, consider 2011, where researchers at Imperial discov- consist of yoga, homeopathy and herbal “herbal medicines”. Despite modern medi- ered that long-term tolerance to grass pollen medicines, and up to 70% of sufferers have cine having primarily plant-based deriva- is accompanied by special “blocking” anti- been known to give these a go in there times tives anyway, many Earth-lovers consider it bodies remaining in the body. of need. Meanwhile, some literature sug- acceptable to categorise their own, poorly Earlier this year, a study by the same group pollenLITE [...] gests that acupuncture may relieve some standardised medicine niche as “herbal” to found that repeatedly exposing people to symptoms. rid them of the guilt of using them. low doses of grass pollen beneath the skin Acupuncture is an age old Chinese remedy If this applies to you, at least aim to use can cause these antibodies to appear, and so “turning off” that is based on the principle that humans plants such as butterbur (a girly little daisy), create a long-term tolerance to grass pollen. have energy “flows” throughout the body, which was proven by one trial to be similar The evidence from these studies triggered the allergic and that the balances of these such “flows” in effect as fexofenadine, a commonly used the clinical trial for pollenLITE – a potential can be disturbed, resulting in pain. Naturally anti-histamine. hay fever vaccine that uses smaller doses and the correction of these flows is done via the However, as with all herbal medicines, you shallower injections compared to previous reaction. insertion of needles into exact points on the run the risk of suffering from adverse side ef- versions. body surface, and some people truly swear fects and potentially high toxicity exposure, PollenLITE is currently in the recruiting by it. alongside pharmacological interactions with phase for volunteers, with an advertising However, if you are a sceptical scientist other drugs that may be taken that are still campaign including Tube adverts, for trial DOI: 10.1016/j.jaci.2010.12.1080 like all Imperial students should be, consider not understood. injections starting in early 2013. DOI: 10.1016/j.jaci.2012.06.052 FRIDAY 19 OCTOBER 17

Science Editors: Philip Kent, Laurence Pope, Philippa Skett SCIENCE [email protected] olution may be at hand... nd King’s College could bring an end to the summer sneezing Similar treatments r and the NHS) High pollen days per Approaches that involve training the im- more, effective than injections, which would mune system to prevent hay fever from man- remove the need for the inconvenient meth- region ifesting are called immunotherapy, of which od of administration for people who use this there are two kinds. form of treatment. The first of these is called SLIT, or sublin- The second type is called SIT, or systemic gual immunotherapy, involves placing a pill injection immunotherapy, where the pollen under the tongue, which dissolves. This pill is injected into the skin. Birch contains a small amount of pollen. PollenLITE is an example of this kind. Such A clinical trial, in association with Royal an approach is not new, with vaccines having Brompton and Harefield NHS Trust, was existed for a long time, however the differ- conducted last year to investigate the long- ence between this and previous approaches Grass term effectiveness of two much-praised pills, is a less intrusive way of administration, Alutard SQ and Grazax. This includes a cam- thanks to the shallower injection needed. paign to attract volunteers, including the ad- Both kinds of immunotherapy require vert seen above in Felix last year. multiple administrations to build up the Nettle This research was led by Professor Ste- necessary level of immunity, with it possibly phen Durham, from the faculty of Medicine requiring up to a year until the symptoms at Imperial College London, who has large of hay fever are no longer felt. With this in amounts of experience in this field. The aim mind, less intrusive methods are always was to find whether the pill form was as, or desired.

Current remedies

Antihistamines cross the blood-brain barrier less readily, and Antihistamines are a group of over the coun- are therefore less likely to cause drowsiness. ter drugs currently used to treat hay fever For this reason, they are usually recommend- and other allergic reactions. As the name sug- ed over the first generation drugs. Examples gests, they work by counteracting the effects of second generation antihistamines include of histamine. They do this by acting as an- cetirizine, loratadine and fexofenadine. tagonists on the H1 histamine receptor. His- tamine is an inflammatory mediator released Corticosteroids by mast cells in response to immunoglobulin Corticosteroids are a form of steroid treat- E activation (caused ment, and this come with the usual warn- by an allergen such ings that steroids usually have: mood swings, as pollen). Its release weight gain, and acne. However they have in the nasal mucosa the benefit of being an incredibly effective causes inflammation, form of treatment. They also have the benefit leading to the symp- of being a usable form of treatment for preg- toms of hay fever: na- nant women, and those who do not respond sal congestion, runny to antihistamines. nose, itchiness, and sneezing. There is also a difference There are two broad classes of antihis- in the method of administra- tamines: first generation and second gen- tion, with most corticoster- eration. First generation antihistamines are oids being in the form of eye “sedating”. They cause drowsiness because drops or nasal sprays. This they can cross the blood-brain barrier and makes them incredibly use- act on the central nervous system as well as ful if a hay fever sufferer has the periphery. Examples of these include pro- severe eye irritation, though methazine, chlorphenamine and clemastine. tablets are also available. It Second generation antihistamines are larger is also possible to obtain an- and less lipophilic molecules. This means they tihistamines in eyedrop form. 18 FRIDAY 19 OCTOBER

Science Editors: Philip Kent, SCIENCE Laurence Pope, Philippa Skett [email protected] Facing up to dementia Lily Le Writer had suffi cient training to diagnose de- Home Life programme at City Univer- plemented with a speech from Profes- makers to utilise their research well, mentia. sity, develops action research and uses sor James Goodwin, Head of Research and the practitioner may be sceptical In the UK, 820,000 people suff er with She also argued that in order to rid it to improve care home qualities. She at Age UK. of the applicative potential of research dementia and by 2051 this fi gure may the stigma, all sectors of society must works with the Government to carry Th eir Disconnected Mind project fi ndings. rise to 1.7 million. Th e Foundation for understand. Th is is being done by the out its initiative of creating dementia has led to more understanding of the He also said that limitation also Science and Technology highlighted Dementia Awareness Campaign as friendly communities involving those biology of the disease. Th e project comes under the form of funding, this societal challenge by inviting four part of the Prime Minister’s Demen- who live, die, visit and work in homes. found that genetic factors account for where only 0.2% of R&D in the UK was speakers to talk about the issue from tia Challenge strategy. “67% of peo- “Th ey are coming into care homes 24% of variation in change in cognitive spent on dementia research in 2009. unique perspectives. ple with dementia said they suff ered at a point of crisis so I really welcome ability. Th e fi nal speaker was Jan Hall, Th e debate was started by Chief loneliness, isolation, anxiety and de- opening up to volunteers to educate “We know what are the processes by founder of the Evington Initiative Medical Offi cer, Professor Dame Sal- pression. One person talked about his the public to start thinking about their which we can move research into tan- which raises money for dementia re- ly Davies DBE FMedSci. She spoke diffi culties of getting his money out own frailty and end of life. gible benefi ts. Th e complex interac- search. She described how her family about the need to diagnose earlier: “If the bank because he can’t remember “Society has turned its back on care tion between researchers and users is were aff ected by her mother’s illness. it is picked up early, the drugs that are passwords and PIN numbers.” homes. We are ageist. We fear our the rate-limiting step.” Th e researcher Th is poignant speech concluded the available can extend good quality pe- Th e following speaker, Professor own end of life. We fear dementia.” may not reach out to the policy mak- speakers’ debate and brought home riod.” Only 31% of GPs feel they have Julienne Meyer, director of the My Th ese social perspectives were com- ers because they don’t trust policy the necessity to tackle dementia. Circuits you can just wash away

Philip Kent Science Editor bond, which then results in the CMOS and room temperature, opening the used to facilitate thermal therapy after being dissolved. Th is goes via a simple avenue for medical applications. surgery to control infections. A well-known property of modern chemical reaction: the structure Trials of this technology in live or- Th e Illinois team, lead by John Rog- silicon-based electronics is their re- Si + 4H2O -> Si(OH)4 + 2H2. ganisms has already been undertaken, ers is currently investigating full-scale silience to change: a printed circuit Th e diff erence between this and with experiments on rats resulting in manufacture of the dissolvable sys- board (PCB) doesn’t dissolve, and only a traditional PCB is the way it is en- successfully huge success: three weeks after im- tems through discussions with found- melts at high temperatures. However, cased: the dissolvable electronics are plantation showed the structure hav- ries. Additionally, potential circuits following research recently published enclosed within a silk structure, and it ing almost fully dissolved, with only are being devised for specifi c use cas- in Science, this may no longer be the is the structure of this silk that aff ects dissolves at faint residue of the original electron- es, with possibilities available in both case, with the production of a compli- how well the circuit dissolves: circuits ics remaining. Th e circuit in question, the medical and consumer markets. mentary metal-oxide semiconductor have been formed which last from 10 both body a set of two RF antennae connected to Rogers has made the news in the (CMOS) that can physically disappear minutes to nearly 12 days. Th is is all heaters allowed the heat of the circuit past for embedding circuits into life at the end of use. thanks to changing how crystalline to be controlled via radio waves, to forms, with a fl exible, implantable A set of materials, based on either the silk is. It is worth noting, however, and room great success: the circuit could be seen LED array being announced in 2010, magnesium or silicon, dissolve af- that the team reported success with in a thermal image when controlled. and last year saw a temporary tattoo ter a certain period of time through other biodegradable polymers. “ Th is also worked when implanted be- containing electronic circuits, with a chemical reaction where water can Extreme conditions are also not re- temperature neath the skin. similar medical applications as this. pull the metal centres of the CMOS quired, with the structure successfully Th is specifi c application is useful as structures, so forming a chemical dissolving at both body temperature it shows how this technology can be DOI: 10.1126/science.1226325 Good news, bad news

Sarah Byrne Writer ingly. erage risks for their ”socio-economic mechanism which protects our men- would make for some pretty bad Th is so-called ‘good news/bad news group. tal health. We might be more rational news. eff ect’ is thought to contribute to the Th e control group reacted as ex- without it, but we might not be hap- Do you want the good news or the human error that occurs in such di- pected, failing to update their risk es- pier. Th at, we can probably agree, DOI: 10.1073/pnas.1205828109 bad news fi rst? Th e bad news is that verse scenarios as medical decision- timate in response to negative infor- we are all hopeless optimists; but on making, responses to natural disas- mation. But the participants who had the positive side, research published ters and fi nancial market bubbles. TMS applied to their IFG appeared to in PNAS last month suggests we can Here the researchers used tran- have an enhanced ability to process Love Science? be cured. scranial magnetic stimulation (TMS) this information; the good news/bad Previous research had shown that to disrupt the function of the infe- news eff ect was abolished, and they (Even just a little bit?) we tend to process positive and nega- rior frontal gyrus (IFG), the region reassessed their risk correctly. tive information diff erently. When of the brain that previous studies had However, our tendency to focus on Why not write for us? Get in touch now! updating our beliefs in response to shown to be implicated in the ‘good the positive may have an evolution- new intelligence, we react in the ra- news/bad news’ bias. ary advantage: the ability to screen [email protected] tional and expected way in response Participants were given descrip- out negative information in decision to good news. However, when told tions of ‘adverse life events’ and asked making may have promoted the ex- something we don’t want to hear, we to estimate how much at-risk they ploration and risk-taking that drove tend to discount it and fail to adjust personally felt in each case. Th en they our advancement as a species, and Facebook facebook.com/Felixscience our beliefs and expectations accord- were given information about the av- may today function as a defensive

20 FRIDAY 19 OCTOBER

Comment Editors: George Barnett, COMMENT Navid Nabijou, James Simpson [email protected] Changing the rules. Why bother? Paul Beaumont makes the case for altering the Union Constituion

completely accept that few will care. And, I completely accept, that, at the minute, Ithe changes will aff ect very few people. Changing the Un- ion’sio Constitution is important though – and, as well as explaining why I want tot do it, I’ll try and explain what needs changing,c a little briefer than the four thousandth word ‘guide to the twenty- thousand-word constitution’ I’m pro- posing. Paul Beaumont Most of the changes proposed focus on how the Union operates structur- ally at the top: so few people will even Union President realise there’s been a change, unless you get disciplined, sit on the Union Council or are a sabbatical offi cer. So what’s the point of changing it then if it won’t aff ect anything practical? Th e Union has to register as a Char- ity, following the Charities Act 2006 which removes our exempt status. Not registering, and losing our charity sta- tus would mean we have to pay corpo- ration tax. Inevitably to cover the cost This is basically what of running the Union if we had to pay every Union Council out more (on taxes), we’d have to fi nd meeting is like more income, and the only place re- alistically to fi nd more income would be by rising bar prices. Remember that the commercial income and the trate on things that will have a more Trustee Board of the Union (the body proposing that it executes the policy College subvention are the only two direct eff ect on students throughout that is legally liable and can be sued) set by Council in a more nitty-gritty things that make the Union money. the year, for instance writing more re- handle them directly. Th is is so they way, and handles the more low level Everything else costs: running the rep- sponses to government proposals to can take full control of a situation, and authorisation of Club, Society & Pro- resentation system costs; running a the Higher Education sector that have decide the best route of action. By cre- ject expenditure over £50k (subject to Welfare Advice service costs; subsidis- been submitted already! ating a sub-committee of the Trustee the funds being available!). ing Clubs & Societies costs; cleaning To allay fears that these proposals Board (the ‘Governance Committee’) Making the Executive report to and maintaining the buildings cost. are going to be anything like those that will concentrate on matters like Council turns the most diverse and We have to make money somewhere. that were suggested at the end of last this, feeding back information to the democratically elected body of the So let’s register and keep the amount year, they’re not. We’re going to keep whole Board, there is no longer a need Union into the most powerful one: the of money we need to raise to keep op- the Deputy President (Finance & Ser- for a ‘Court’. And the name annoys largest body of students has the power erating at a minimum. vices), and we’re going to keep regular me: it’s a bit up ourselves, no? to make policy, repeal it, debate and Registering as a Charity will mean student involvement in the ‘Executive Historically, the Executive Com- discuss all of the issues facing us as that our constitution is locked down Committee’ by scrapping proposals mittee used to be the de-facto Trus- students – both within College and in considerably more tightly than it has made last year to have only sabbatical tee Board. But, then in the 2007 gov- the wider world. Surely this is right?! I been in previous years: we’ll now need offi cers on the committee. ernance review, the Board split into have removed the specifi cs of what de- the Charity Commission to approve Currently, there are three ‘parts’ to its own entity. Many of the powers fi nes policy from the proposed consti- any changes we make to our Constitu- the Union: what are described as an you’d expect to be reserved for only tution so that Council discussions can tion too, not just the College. So now – ‘executive’, a ‘legislative’ and a ‘judici- the most senior of committees (for now encompass what used to happen just before we register – is the perfect ary’. Th ese are three parts more com- instance, the ability to sign off £500k in Exec(utive) discussions. time to reform the governance of the monly known as the Executive Com- of Union funds) were kept for the Ex- One of the biggest shake-ups is Union. Over the last few years, we’ve mittee, the Council and the Court. ecutive Committee too though. Th is something everyone should know all witnessed a failing of governance No other Union in the country has a makes it into a mini-trustee board, about, but pretty much will (hope- within the Union: substantial fi nan- ‘judiciary’, and we simply aren’t a big with no legal accountability – and fully) be never useful. Th e plan is to cial losses in both 2010 and 2011; the enough organisation to bother. More leaves the Trustees stricken with a po- put all of the Deputy Presidents onto Summer Ball 2011 (I’ll say no more); than anything, the Court creates con- tential £500k black-hole to fi ll should the Union’s Trustee Board. Th is is for a delays to releasing elections results fusion and bureaucracy – something something get authorised outside the few reasons: it is the legally liable body due to bureaucracy – causing people I’m keen to avoid. Th ey handle the budget without them knowing. Ouch. of the Union, so these people can be to lose faith in the system. It needs re- serious complaints I can’t, and some- Th e Executive does serve some pur- held to account for the decisions they form. Not only does it need reform – times they can be very serious. So pose though – which is why I’m not it needs it now, so I can then concen- serious that, in all other Unions, the proposing getting rid of it: instead I’m Continued on next page... FRIDAY 19 OCTOBER 21

Comment Editors: George Barnett, Navid Nabijou, James Simpson COMMENT [email protected]

... Continued from previous poage but the Deputy Presidents are the least A body that creates and co-ordi- and fair. One problem the Union has Th is person – with no contact to can- powerful sabbs in the country – most nates the Union’s responses to govern- wrestled with in the past is how to ap- didates prior to the election – will be are making on a day to day basis as we other Unions have all (or a large per- ment policy changes should exist. At pear non-biased. A student Returning completely impartial, and will be the all try keep the Union afl oat (not like centage of sabbs) on their governing the minute, it’s the President, DPE and Offi cer (the person who decides who’s fi nal authority to complain to: speed- we’re sinking or anything, but you’d bodies. Th is doesn’t make the rest of some of the Union’s representation right, who’s wrong in a complaint situ- ing up the process of providing results be surprised how much time in each the student voice weaker by any means staff . Th is doesn’t involve any ‘proper’ ation) has to be completely detached to the student body. day is spent keeping up with things though: sabbs are still going to be out- students, and as such is something we from the people involved in the elec- So there we are – a less-than-two- and dealing with urgent problems numbered massively on the Board. In should change. By splitting our pretty tion, and has to be utterly unbiased. thousand-words summary of eve- over being able to press ahead and fact: the Board will be majority elected redundant ‘Representation & Welfare Perceptions that this may not be the rything that is going on. If you have “make change happen”). So if you ever (campus-wide). Th e Board will be ma- Board’ – which, as a subset of Council, case (even though it is…) have grown any questions – big or small – on the do need to hold a sabb to account for jority students. And any member of has failed to produce anything worth- as the people involved in the elections changes, I urge you to ask me. I’m something serious, students will, and the Board will be removable by a 2/3 while in recent years – into ‘Education have complained about the decisions around the Union from 08:30 ‘til 20:00 the sovereign body of the Union will, majority vote of Council. & Representation Board’ and a ‘Com- the Returning Offi cer has made to en- pretty much six days a week (some- be wholly empowered to do so. Changes that probably more people munities & Welfare Board’, I hope to sure the elections are fair to all con- times working, sometimes in the A dic(k-tator) President has their will care about include ‘fl attening’ the form groups that will direct and drive cerned and it’s taken the Union a while bar…). Th e full proposals are available power lessened by more representa- Faculty/Constituent Union structure, forward policy responses from stu- to release results until all complaints on the Union website. Th ey are being tion on the Trustee Board of the whole so there are simply just constituent dents – making the Union truly stu- are satisfi ed. taken to Union Council on 30 Octo- sabbatical team. It is after-all the team parts of the Union. All Unions within dent (not sabb) led. Th e proposals are to take the politics ber, which will next meet at 18:30 in that students elect to run the Union – the Union (CGCU, GSA, ICSMSU, Speeding up the Elections process out of the elections before they start the Union Dining Hall on Level 1. All not just the President. RCSU, RSM, Silwood) will be the can be done a few ways. Th e big ques- – by appointing an external, discon- full members are able and are welcome Not that this is a ‘reason’ as such, same. tion is how do we make sure we’re fast nected person to oversee the process. to attend with full speaking rights. Beware what you share What a beautiful thong, dear! hen I was born ents via Skype. And they are both Face- – hopefully a joy- book users. ous occasion for In fact we manage our long-distance- W my family – my relationship quite well. I’m not the only father trotted off one in this boat, many I know have par- to the post offi ce to send a telegram to my ents on their account and some have Babcia & Dziadek (that’s my grandfather grandparents too. It must vary from fam- and grandmother) in Poland. Th is was ily to family. Mind you, rumour even has going to have your family on a social net- approve what’s posted on your timeline. only the early nineties; I’m not as old as it that the golden oldies are the fastest working site. But this depends on what If you do this, you can fi gure out what’s the hills yet. I don’t really need to go into growing group of users on the social net- kind of grandparents you’ve got. If they’re acceptable and what’s not on a post by the technological boom of the past two work. Th is cannot be verifi ed from data as the über strict type, it might not be wise post basis. And to be perfectly honest, decades, but just consider for a moment of this year but it was reported so in 2011. to connect via this medium at all. social networking sites represent you as a Jula Humphries what life is like now. For instance, I’ve just So what’s the deal? Well, unless you’re a Actually, I’ll scrap that and cut it down person, so you ought to be careful of how opened an email from my Dziadek and perfect little angel, there are certain rules to one rule. you display yourself to others, regardless only yesterday I spoke to my grandpar- that maybe should be followed if you’re Th e golden rule: set it so you have to of who you are friends with.

Our pick of the most intriguing comments from felixonline.co.uk Irritated? Bored? Turgid? Send your angry Letters letters to [email protected] Online or write to us anonymously at felixonline.co.uk/contact

In response to: “Con man near campus takes student’s money” (12th Oc- Sir, Sir, Sir, tober)

May I suggest that we reform the cur- Is there some kind of competition be- As a member of staff for Commercial personaly i think if youre dumb enough to give someone your money you deserve rent single-lane system operated on the tween the Film section editors to sneak Services and a parent who is support- everything you get! and if ure “too timid to say no” then do 1 and grow a pair!!! Sherfi eld walkway to make the provi- in the most suggestive headlines? Keep ing their two children who are current- sion of two new lanes in either direc- them coming... (See what I did there!) ly at university, I am fed up of watch- tion – one designated for fast and one ing my own division wasting any profi t In response to: “London’s Embarassing Dad” (5th October) for slow moving traffi c. I am at my Anonymous, via website or surplus funds they may have on wit’s end with sedentary groups of peo- parties (see invitation below) for staff So, essentially, you don’t fi nd Boris amusing or aff able (fair enough, I guess), but ple ambling along in rows and forcing members rather than ploughing this more than that you’re annoyed that other people *do*? the rest of us to resort to levels of side- Sir, back into the College or even off ering stepping previously unseen outside of it to sponsor less fortunate students. Seriously, grow up. Th ere’s not need to be so sensitive that the fact others are easily the South Kensington Underground Th e author of the letter criticising the Th ese events are just free drinks and entertained by the beloved Mayor’s sends you into spasms of rage. If you’re not tunnel. personal hygiene habits of Computing food all night for staff who do a good amused, just roll your eyes and ignore him. students in last week’s issue needs to job but no more than any other mem- “Frustrated”, via note meet some of the staff ! ber of staff at Imperial. Th ere’s no way this can be some kind of permanent frustration for you, either. I move in quite political circles and I only rarely hear mention of Boris’ latest esca- Anonymous, via website Anonymous, via post pades. If, as you say, you’re no fan of Conservatism, and thus prefer to spend your Sir, time with normal people, then I can only imagine your exposure to Boris-based banter is even lower than my own. With reference to the letter printed last Sir, week regarding the irritatingly regu- Untwist your knickers, my good man. If someone mentioning once in a blue moon lar and uninteresting emails from the I’m totally loving the new Pie Shop that our Mayor made a lovable fool of himself lately is capable of inducing such CGCU President, he appears to have near the JCR. Th e only snag is that the vitriolic RAGE as is displayed in this column, then I can only prescribe a whole taken the hint! I hope I’m not speaking plastic cutlery is not currently rigid bottle of Chill-Pills. too soon... enough to pierce the pie itself. We do occasionally edit letters and comments we receive to improve spelling, Anonymous, via email Anonymous, via website grammar, and clarity of expression. 22 FRIDAY 19 OCTOBER

Comment Editors: George Barnett, COMMENT Navid Nabijou, James Simpson [email protected] Head-to-head: Welfare Are the Coalition reforms fair? YES NO Welfare reform TheThe nnamenamame could not come “reform”“reform” ataattemptst too soon, nor totbdtb re-brandandnd could it go too violent aattacksttacks onon George Howard far the poorestresestt Luke Sheldon

or those of you fortunate enough to and civilized order restored. Th ere is no place for he current and proposed welfare re- go foraging for food or the thousands fl ooding have read my last two forays into these louts like that in modern society (but more on forms are a masterclass in post-Blair to food banks each week as they have literally no hallowed pages, you will perhaps be this another time). However, it was the Brown spin. Not only is the media awash other way to survive. Faware that my articles have a certain administration’s failure to address the problem Twith willingly repeated misinforma- Although David Cameron championed the dis- propensity (apparently) of aligning (in a failed bid to gain support amongst the more tion from the government but even turbing growth of food banks this takes away the themselves with the minority view: that, some ignorant) that led to the costs of welfare rising the name, “reform”, attempts to re-brand what vaguely reliable support of the welfare state and might claim, of the so-called “1 percent”. Th is to unsustainable levels. Instead, in a move to lift are actually violent attacks on the poorest in our replaces it with ad hoc and uncoordinated char- week, after a brief sabbatical from my literary as many people as possible above the EU’s offi - society. ‘Welfare reform’ suggests improvement, ity. Not only is charity accompanied with a giant endeavors, I return once again – but this time cial defi nition of poverty, this government raised not the complete dismantling of support and the dollop of judgment and moralising that Orwell “ “continued transition of a system – meant by name was only too aware of (though it’s not like this (perhaps surprisingly) on the side of the majority. benefi t payments by miniscule amounts to cre- In a recent poll, just 19% of those questioned be- ate a few quotable statistics. to be for care – into one whose sole purpose is is absent from the job centre either) but also it lieved that benefi ts were too low; compared with In terms of the recent Act, the primary pur- punishment. is only there at the will of the providers and not 62% who felt spending on welfare needed to be pose of the legislation is an annual welfare cap Whilst people wait in dreaded apprehension of for those in need. Too often food banks have bare reined in. of £26,000. One does not have to muster great changes coming in April to housing benefi t and shelves as donations are too small and the need At the end of the 2010/11 tax year, the Govern- intellectual capacity to realize that this is by far council tax, which will drive them deeper into too great. Nearly all limit people to only 3 claims, ment had spent £202.6 billion on the welfare sys- enough – too much,” even. Even living in Lon- poverty and out of their” homes, this government which with the maximum sanctions going up to tem. Considering the total spending budget was don it is possible to live on less than £20,000, has not even gone through the etiquette of prima- 3 years will barely get people through a month of £701.7 billion, and the fact that only around £500 and that’s a very conservative estimate based ry legislation to already force through other major their 36 months of punishment. Th e replacement billion of tax revenue was collected in same peri- on the London Living Wage – a well-known changes to our welfare system. No thanks to La- of state support by charities has had tragic conse- od, the cost of welfare handouts and ensuing de- benchmark for an acceptable standard of life. bour who put the starting blocks in place for them. quences in the death of an immigrant child and bate is not a topic to be scoff ed at lightly. It does Of course, this isn’t a copious amount of money, Th ese cruel changes have been seen in the light- mother which has been brought to light by West- not take much mathematical acuity to notice that though it follows that if one is struggling to live ning roll-out of “workfare”, sanctions and Atos as- minster council. Not provided with the welfare these numbers don’t add up: the Treasury’s books on this amount, then it may be prudent to stop sessments for those claiming to be unfi t for work. to survive they were left to an inadequate char- don’t tally, not by a long way. In fact, this defi cit spending money on frivolities such as alcohol One workfare scheme saw nearly 50% of the ity system that ended with the child starving. As is being plugged by record levels of borrowing, and cigarettes (which are – contrary to some be- people referred on to it drop off the welfare rolls Lambeth council prepare to provide direct fund- which in the current economic market has a gar- liefs – not an essential item), cut back on other in the run-up to starting the forced, unpaid work. ing to local food banks as they simultaneously cut gantuan cost. Th e interest on debt for this fi nan- extraneous costs such as Sky TV, and cease buy- Th e majority will now have to survive on nothing. council tax benefi t the case of the asylum seekers cial year was nearly £43 billion, and will continue ing whatever other ‘bling’ the latest Argos cata- Th e government’s response to this data was merely in Westminster paint a bleak picture of the future to rise until this imbalance is corrected. Th is is logue is spewing forth into today’s homes. And to expand the scheme as they said it showed it was of welfare under these “reforms”. not sustainable, and so by consequence, nor is the maybe, just maybe, get a job. It’s not as if it’s a working. And if they cannot indirectly force you As support at the bottom is ripped away in the welfare system. Reform is desperately needed. right to have all these trappings of ‘luxury’ life off the benefi t you are entitled to when in need, name of “budgetary responsibility” private com- Th e idea that anyone should receive something funded by the hardworking taxpayer, who actu- they will kick you off by just taking your money panies are happily lapping up this welfare cash. for nothing defi es any sensible logic. Especially ally has to get off the sofa each morning to do away using sanctions. Th ese have been shown in Companies such as Argos are replacing staff with here, where many of you freshers are paying sky- more than just get another beer out of the fridge. a Guardian investigation to be targeted at those job seekers, paid for out of the benefi ts budget. high fees to garner the privilege of a university At the recent budget, George Osborne pre- with learning disabilities and mental illness as Job Th e work programme, a monumental failure at education; accruing vast amounts of debt in the dicted that, even taking into account the Welfare Centre staff were forced to meet government im- getting people into work that has managed to hope that one day your future earning power will Reform Act, the welfare budget would grow to posed targets. Th e use of arbitrary targets to deny miss even the employment targets that were ex- be suffi cient enough to pay it all off , this is a ridic- be one third of total government spending by people vital benefi ts has also been found to be the pected if no money was spent at all, is sending £5 ulous proposition. Why should anybody cruise 2015. For a country running at a considerable centre of the humiliating assessments carried out billion the way of companies – many of whom through life on the back of free money, courtesy defi cit, at a time when the world economy is in by Atos on people’s ability to work – leaving half have had fraud allegations against them as they of the hard working members of this society? its worst shape since the Great Depression, this of all people deemed fi t for work with no benefi t seek to steal more money. Atos is also making a One might ask how we found ourselves in this is a completely nonsensical position. Put simply, at all. round £100 million from denying disabled peo- mess in the fi rst place? Well, like many other the country cannot aff ord it, and it is certainly Th is willingness to whip away the meagre sup- ple vital funds whilst McDonald’s slyly pocketed problems with the UK, this can be blamed on the not a necessary expenditure. Th e last 30 years port demonstrates either absurd naivety, or pure £10 million from an employment scheme without previous Labour governments. Firstly, the new has seen the United Kingdom become a nation cruelty from those in power. From statements it creating a single job. And as Cameron announces government of 1997 failed to reform the system too dependent on the State, mostly due to the is assumed that either people are working in an £10 billion pounds of fresh welfare cuts at the after not having the balls (pardon the expression) vote grabbing, short-term policies of successive apparently booming black market (an explanation party conference last week he’s giving the fi nal to force the legislation through Parliament after a Labour governments. Now fi nally, as the people that fraud fi gures seem to contradict) or the lack go ahead for £2 billion pounds to be splashed few nutcase protesters chained themselves to the awaken to realise the catastrophic situation they of money causes a job to appear from no where on IT companies putting together the doomed railings of Downing Street. With hindsight, it is fi nd the country in, we need to wean the para- in this dead economy. Th ese fairytale endings to universal credit. Th ese handouts are not a sign of obvious to see that, like many of these childish sitic few off this unnecessary lifeline. Welfare a punitive welfare system are a signal of how de- austerity, but as social insecurity soars from these protests (Occupy included), their removal should reform could not come too soon, nor can it go tached from modern life politicians are. Th e real- “reforms” we will be left with only a corporate have been ordered ‘tout suite’ by the authorities too far. ity is that of a 30 year old man I met who had to welfare system. FRIDAY 19 OCTOBER 23

Books Editor: Maciej Matuszewski [email protected] BOOKS Gentlemen Bastards? Maciej Matuszewski talks about Scott Lynch’s debut series

aving been turned Red Seas Under Red Skies was more on to large scale disappointing. While still having sev- heroic sword and eral good moments – Lamora’s heists H sorcery fantasy by are particularly interesting – the novel Patrick Rothfuss’ ex- has a fatal fl aw with in its characters. cellent and much acclaimed Kingkiller While in the fi rst book our heroes re- Chronicles I was very eager to read sorted to some pretty unsavoury tac- Scott Lynch’s similarly highly praised tics to survive and get back at the men Gentleman Bastard series (currently who killed some their friends here they consisting of Th e Lies of Locke Lamora continue behaving in the same way for and Red Seas Under Red Skies). Set seemingly no reason. Looking at the in a fantasy world clearly inspired by situation objectively they are clearly renaissance Italy, the books follow the the villains of the story – their tactics Gentlemen Bastards, a gang of thieves are no better than that of their main and confi dence tricksters led by the opponent and their goals are far less charismatic Locke Lamora. noble. Th ere would be nothing wrong Th e Lies of Locke Lamora certainly with this if Lynch didn’t persist in por- did meet my expectations. Very well traying Lamora and his accomplices as written for a debut novel, it had in- the good guys. Instead of what could teresting and likeable characters and have been a thoughtful exploration of a fascinating setting in the city of the consequences of the mistakes of Camorr, a Venice-like metropolis with the main characters the way the story scattered remnants of ancient build- is framed constantly presents them as ings constructed of indestructible the for the most part as innocent vic- glass by a mysterious, long gone civili- tims of circumstance. zation. It dealt with complex and mor- Despite this large annoyance, the ally ambiguous themes of revenge. book remains very readable – I fi n- Th e plot was interesting and well de- ished it off in a single weekend. I’ll cer- veloped, with several unexpected de- tainly be buying the next novel when it velopments. While not reaching the comes out – I hope that it will turn out depth and quality of Rothfuss’ work it that the second novel is just a small was still a very good book. blip in what is a very promising series. The rugby boys all love a good tackle. All they want is for you to be part of their scrum. Want to have all of campus gawping at you/suspiciously quickly flicking past you in the Library Café?

Email: [email protected] Groups and individuals welcome! 26 FRIDAY 19 OCTOBER

Arts Editors: Eva Rosenthal, ARTS Meredith Thomas [email protected]

In brief: Julius Caesar at ENO Gold for Bronze

The spirit of Egypt is subtly evoked in the ENO production of Handel’s longest opera, Julius Caesar. It tells the story of the conquering Caesar and the passions The Royal Academy succeeds with an exhibi- exposed and aroused by his arrival. Grief, anguish, desire, cruelty and joy are all distinctly explored by the music. Each aria develops one particular emotion, the turmoil in a character taken to its limit. At the end of each of these, one feels as tion on bronze sculpture throughout history though one had been taken by the hand and led to empathise with this emotion. I had never before seen a Handel opera; the music was completely unknown to me, as was the progression of the drama. Being this unknowledgeable is of course, both a blessing and a curse. I can only write about such, rather useless and silly, things as the feeling of elatement that took hold of me for the duration of the mu- sic. I can say something perhaps, on the richness of the voices of the three coun- tertenors (these roles were originally sung by Castratti) or that I loved the way the end of each aria was disguised by a couple of ‘false endings’.Clearly, I cannot write with any amount of confidence on the musical success of the production. However, unprejudiced and unbiased with respect to the production, I thought it to be a great success. I found the set design to have a great deal of elegance, giv- ing the audience member a whiff of Egypt whilst allowing them to perhaps see the individual emotions of the arias as a separate entity to the general drama. Not that the production was low on drama. The highly stylised violence – think buckets of blood poured over white shirts in death scenes – went very well with the simplic- ity with which the plot progressed. Finally, there was the dancing, which has been criticised for drawing attention away from the singers. But the choreography, whilst nothing ground breaking, was simple and musical. The dancers and their shadows on the walls were reminiscent of Egyptian gods, a world at a distance from the singers, but aiding them in their adventures. There are a few performances left, and since the theatre was relatively empty, it will be very easy to get cheap tickets. Hard body; bad skin Eva Rosenthal Arts Editor

Writer Jemma Pilcher dated this statue to the Mid-Late 4th notably by the intimidating Etrus- Century BCE and believe that he was can beast, the Chimaera of Arezzo. originally one member of a whole I am overwhelmed by the sheer skill Classically, bronze is thought of as the throng of dancing satyrs. As this soli- it would have required to create such material of antiquity. Th e discovery tary fi gure has been tantalisingly po- a ridiculous looking creature; a fi re- of the endurable properties of such sitioned in the centre of an otherwise breathing lion, with an extra goat copper alloys certainly allowed our empty room, the viewer is provided head on its back and a snake for a tail. ancestors to make more robust tools with the physical space to imagine Other fabulous animals on display in- and weapons than their stone-age pre- the rest of his party, dancing around clude Th e Porcellino, a life-sized boar decessors. Its use as an artistic medi- in the twilight. by Pietro Tacca’s, Louise Bourgeois’s Maurizio Cattelan @ The Whitechapel Gallery – Love taxidermy and dark hu- um, however, from the ancient world Dexterously, this vast collection has 1996 Spider IV and Picasso’s car- mour? We have just the thing for you. Cattelan is famed for using surreal, witty to the modern day, cannot be over- been organised thematically, rather faced Baboon and Young. Juxtaposed stunts to draw out his themes of power, dogma and death. Free, 17 October - 2 looked. Th e impressive exhibition of than periodically, making it an ab- against these comparatively modern December 2012. Bronze, currently running at the Royal solute feast for the eyes. Where else pieces, is the exquisite Danish Nordic Academy, eulogises the versatility and would you see a medieval Sanctuary Bronze Age statue the Trundholm Art Macabre @ Cass Art Islington – For a creative artistic distraction this Hallow- beauty of this abiding material, with Ring door knocker from Durham Chariot of the Sun. According to een try some death themed life drawing. These nights are great fun even if they are a collection of artworks and artefacts Cathedral alongside a bronze Basket- the Norsemen, everyday Sól, the sun no longer held in the backroom of a pub. £8, 30 October 2012. spanning over 5,000 years of history. ball by Jeff Koons? Or how about ex- goddess, with her horses Arvak and As the arduous process of casting quisitely decorated vessels from the Alsvid, carried the sun across the sky Turner Prize 2012 @ Tate Britian – Its here again! If Freize has not left you sick to was perfected by the Greeks, it is only Shang dynasty next to Jasper Johns’ on a chariot. It is, therefore, highly your teeth of contempory art, there is only one place to get your fix. The four just that the exhibit opens with the 1960 Painted Bronze (Ale Cans)? Th e possible that this sculpture once had shortlisted artists are vying for a £25 prize to be anounced in December. Now - 6 Dancing Satyr. Despite displaying the scope the curators have given for the a rider. It is very sophisticated, espe- January 2013. Ancient Greeks’ obsession with the comparison of these objects allows us cially for such an early piece (dated muscle architecture of the male form, to gain an appreciation for the adapt- to 14th Century BCE) and the em- Out of Focus @ Saatchi Gallery – Saatchi turns his laser vision on contemporary this stunning statue is far from the ability and the fathomless impor- bossed gold leaf on the sun is simply photography. This is a not to be missed snapshop of inovative photography now. generic images of Grecian Gods and tance of bronze throughout the ages. gorgeous. Th is, along with Alfred Now - 4 November 2012. Heroes, wrestling with foul beasts, Th e endurance, hue and fi nish of Gilbert’s St. Elizabeth of Hungary; which we are so used to. Instead it bronze have proved it to be an ideal depicted with a forlorn, ivory face The White House Murder Case @ The Orange Tree Theatre – A play written in the depicts a satyr vigorously throwing material for creating giant, impos- amongst cascades of bronze roses 70’s about a USA election taking place 40 years later i.e. now. Look out for a full himself into a dance. At fi rst it may ing statues of Gods and Heroes. I feel and fi nery, are my two favourite ob- review in next weeks edition of Felix. Now - 10 November 2012. appear to be a human fi gure, howev- myself cower beneath the colossal fi g- jects within this extensive collection. er, while encircling and studying the ure of Perseus, as he stands over the Th ey demonstrate how bronze can form, his satyr features become visi- writhing body of Medusa and holds be manipulated into fi ner and more ble; pointed ears, wild expression and aloft her severed head. Th is sculpture delicate objects, rather than just gi- the hole from which his tail would is the 1844 cast of Benvenuto Cellini’s ant, majestic characters of grandeur. have once protruded. Th e metallic masterpiece from the 1550s, ordered Bronze will run at the Royal Acade- green colouring, due to a high copper by the Second Duke of Sutherland, my until 6th December. It is defi nitely content in the bronze, gives the fi gure representing within the collection worth visiting; many of the artifacts an earthly glow and his fragmented the long-established obsession that on display have never before been limbs add to the mysterious quality the British have with the Florentine exhibited in England, and possibly of the piece. I fi nd it very fi tting that High Renaissance. never will be again. A squirrel looses his nut he was discovered by fi shermen off Bronze animals are also profoundly Bronze at the RA, until 9 December. the coast of Sicily. Researchers have delineated in this exhibition, most Tickets from £9 for students. FRIDAY 19 OCTOBER 27

Arts Editors: Eva Rosenthal, Meredith Thomas ARTS [email protected] Flicks on bricks An evening of cutting edge video art

Emilie Beauchamp cacophony – because of the spontane- were purely contemplative, such as ous way artists have to set up for the Olga Koroleva’s purist play with milk event. Yet I was surprised to fi nd that bottles and Carole Villain’s aesthetic Last week from October 11th to 14th, everything ran quite eff ortlessly well Standing Pythia. the Bargehouse of Oxo Tower Wharf together, as if it had been a long time Th ere is no particular theme to hosted the annual Moving Image fair, planned. But in fact, artists had to BYOB, except one of giving the chance London’s only fair solely dedicated turn up just a few hours ahead of the to artists to expose their work. Th e to moving image and contemporary event, to set up anywhere in space of BYOB concept fi rst emerged in New video art. Th is meant four fl oors cel- the attic, using any of its walls, fl oors, York in 2010 but has by now spread ebrating the video installations, pro- or ceiling. While there was a lot going to more than 45 cities in the world jections and other forms of moving on, it was far from being overwhelm- to gather momentum in video artist pictures of 35 artists from 15 diff er- ing; even feeling somehow more natu- communities. In fact I’ve learned that ent countries. With the easy access to ral than our usual gallery spaces where contemporary video art often fi nds digital technologies, video art is a still hushes and stillness are almost de fac- it logistically and commercially hard off beat yet increasingly popular form to characteristics. to present pieces – mostly because of art – which should not be confused Growing from last year’s event, of the space requirements. Unable to with experimental fi lm! which brought together 8 artists, the pigeon-hole video art because of the One of the main events held as part presentation boasted a huge variety of range of topics and styles it includes, of the Moving Image fair was the sec- pieces. Th at is one of the main points the objective of the movement doesn’t ond session of Bring Your Own Beam- of interest in video art: the diversity fi t with society’s traditional focus on er (BYOB), a presentation held on the of end results that can be delivered purely contemplative art or highly opening night and organized by Clare by playing with the several dimen- informative expositions. It’s a shame, Holden and João Laia. For this event, sions movement give to static 2-D because video art might just be the a mix of over 39 pieces was displayed images. While some installations fo- best way to express, communicate and in the attic of the Bargehouse; an op- cus on content or storyline, others provoke in the fast-paced and over- portunity opened to any interested centre on the delivery methods and loaded 21st century. For those who video artists ready to bring their own the tricks video art is able to play on missed last week’s event, take note that materials, collaborate to set up an im- the audience. Some pieces were hu- the Moving Image fair will be coming promptu display and showcase their moristic and veered towards a farci- back next year around this time. In the moving image performance for a free cal approach: Charli Clark’s Moles meantime, you can track on Film Lon- one-night exhibition. Underground depicting a trio dressed don Artists’ Moving Image Network Being appreciative yet not tremen- up as moles exploring London’s un- (www.fl amin.fi lmlondon.org.uk) or dously zealous for contemporary art, dergound was most entertaining yet LUX’s (www.lux.org.uk) websites for my expectations were to fi nd a pell- clearly highlighted the unnatural en- the latest video art exhibitions and mell of lights and sounds – even just a vironment of the Tube. Other pieces events around in London. Convicts in the frame: from gaol to gallery

Lily Le Most of the artwork is not abstract, by a video where Sarah Lucas (the meaning it is easier to interpret the curator) explains how she enjoys the intentions behind it. raw nature of many of the pieces. She Th e current exhibition at the Royal Indeed, many of the pieces centre states that the toilet bowls used as Festival Hall at the Southbank Centre on the frustrations of being detained painting stands were not brought in consists of paintings, poetry, sculp- and the longing for freedom; being especially for the free exhibition, al- tures, textiles, and videos by off end- ostracised by society and removed though, ironically, they do pair well. ers, secure patients, and detainees. from daily pleasures. One striking Lucas also explains that she uses con- Th e fact that this is the premise for painting depicted the public ha- crete blocks to display the sculptures, the exhibition makes it an interesting ranguing of an off ender by personi- an eff ect which many probably would one, as it inevitably leads to a strong fi ed foxes, wolves, and other beasts not notice or appreciate had atten- focus on the psyche behind the art- in a dark and dirty land. Its pop sur- tion not been drawn to them. work coming from an individual re- realism style takes the serious edge She also comments on a painting moved from the mainstream of so- off the piece and makes it to be more of Queen Liz in aviator sunglasses, ciety and how they decide to express off hand. which is quite rightly amusing. this distance. You can’t help but have Bizarrely, there are also many Th e pieces were entered into the expectations before arriving, and it paintings of Bob Marley by several Koestler Awards, for which winners is worth going to see whether or not diff erent artists. won small cash prizes. Artists with they are met. Videos ranging from off enders a substantial body of work receive What was surprising was how working out in a prison gym and a a year’s mentoring from a Koestler skilled many of the artists were. It cartoon about Scotland with poetic mentor. Th ese projects are a way of came as a surprise because not only narration are also part of the exhibi- allowing off enders to focus on educa- Tweezer shortage af- were all pieces done by amateurs, but tion. Audio works are present, such tion and can be therapeutic for pa- fects Wayne Rooney the stereotypical preoccupations of as spoken-word poems and a choir- tients in psychiatric hospitals. an off ender can sometimes negate chimed Stand By Me. Free at Southbank Centre, until 25 No- this expectation. An insight into the display is given vember. Entrance is free. 28 FRIDAY 19 OCTOBER

Arts Editors: Eva Rosenthal, ARTS Meredith Thomas [email protected] Frieze Art Fair 10 Eva Rosenthal & Meredith Thomas pontifi cate on Frieze

WTF is Frieze? We hated...

I was nonplussed by a yellow cube- with a barbecue on top and barbecue utensils hanging from the sides (see Hipsters deported in left). Completely, utterly, confused. I sea container suppose that it is completely valid for a work of art to produce confusion as an emotion in the unsuspecting view- er. Nevertheless, combined with the cynicism I was already experiencing after a couple of hours of wandering around what must surely be one of the most clinical, soulless markets in the world, confusion led to a mere dis- taste. What was I looking at? Yellow is, coincidentally, one of my favourite colours. Th e cube was done in quite a warm, pleasant yellow, reminiscent of sunlight through some trippy sun- glasses of mine. Was it representative Frieze Art Fair, for those of you who have missed the press coverage, is big. It at- of sunlight? Of blazing coals? Of the tracts over 60,000 visitors a year and generates enough acres of print to cover the golden luck that those people able enormous canopy in Regents Park housing the whole circus. Tickets sell out well in to own a barbecue experience? Th is advance of the fair, which only lasts a few days. Every year the show kicks off hack- train of thought took me to suburbia, neyed argument about the value of contemporary art and profiteering in the art America and the dads who love to world in general. This is the tenth London fair and nothing has changed. grill surf n’ turf on Sunday evenings. Just so you get an idea of scale, 175 galleries attend the fair, with some big names Was the piece a representation of the that you will recognise, like White Cube, next to smaller galleries from across the banality, the platitudes, of this style of globe. This year for the first time there were actually two fairs, with a second one life? Of it slowly but surely turn- dedicated to selling older artwork. While sales figure have not been released for six ing into embers? Perhaps. But years, the last published value was £26 million. This is likely to be a huge underes- I’m grasping at loose ends timate of the revenue that will be generated in the coming weeks. Guesses for the here. In the end, it was total value of the art have been quoted at one and a half billion. just a barbecue mount- There are a few really big names; the Gagosian Gallery boasted artworks from ed on yellow block. Damian Hirst, Andy Warhol, Glen Brown, Jeff Koons. Most of the work however is from smaller galleries with artists you probably will not have heard of. The rich and famous weave their way through the crowds, their advisors struggling to stay in their way. Astronomical quantities of money are talked abut as though they were small change. Frieze is a temple to commercial art. It is very difficult to block out the distractions Th e best that can be said about most of the contents at Frieze is that is in some and focus on the perennial questions. What on earth are you looking at? Is it really way decorative but there was much this did not possess even this lowly merit. worth that much and you about to walk past something that will be hanging on the Ross Knight’s Form of Togetherness (right) is the worst form of meaningless, walls of the Tate and 30 years time. ugly rubbish. Th e sculpture, made from patinated steel, iron, foam, twine, silicon and a massage tool stands as a testament the all that is bloated, ignorant and obfuscated in contemporary art. I understand the place for conceptual art, taking seeming innocuous objects and placing them together in some way that they acquire meaning. What I do not understand is deliberately obscure, pretentious collections of literal crap. Th e problem with much of the work that galleries had chosen to bring to the fi ar was intended to be either pleasantly decorative or fi t in with the zeitgeist. In other words, because everyone else was jumping on the bandwagon of a certain artist of approach, they were going to as well, regardless of actual merit. Th ere was very little that showed and bravery of vision. Anything that was is lost in a sea of blandness. Th is is hardly a surprise. Art is big business and London is currently vying with New York to be the art capital of the world. Frieze is the battlefi eld and art is the victim. FRIDAY 19 OCTOBER 29

Arts Editors: Eva Rosenthal, Meredith Thomas ARTS [email protected]

View from an art virgin

This was OK... by Anthony Montpal

So, being a complete and utter plebeian when it comes to art, I was talked into going along to the Frieze Art Fair in order to critique the cutting edge of modern art. Off to Regents Park I trouped, accompanied by my VIP guide. On arrival, I essentially became lost in a world of hipsters, art snobs and people with too much money and too little to do, all of them wandering around, drawing the meaning of life out of a colourful square or a picture of a penis. One of my per- sonal favourites was a set of eight photographs of a man casually smearing his willy in mustard although, I must admit I wasn’t quite able to grasp what the piece was trying to tell me. In amongst all the senseless colours and random shapes, some beautiful things were to be seen and these did make the trip worth its while. In general though, I have to say that almost the entire show flew over my head with one pretentious squeal informing me that the world of modern art was still outstripping my mental capacity. I conclude thus, that had I been high, drunk, or on mushrooms, Frieze could po- tentially have been a life changing experience. My sober slob self however, slump- ing around, was fundamentally intrigued. It didn’t quite understand whether it was intrigued because of a random stunning piece or because it was trying to work out the aesthetic appeal of a stack of tyres.

In general, I was in a cynical mood for Frieze. You have to be willing to submerge Th ere were rays of light and plenty of good art scattered around amongst the yourself in a quagmire of emotions; you have to want to let yourself go, which can dross. Yasumasa Morimura’s Self Portrait as Marcel Duchamp is great, clever be impossibe after attending an emotionally draining lecture on fluid flow. There and concise. Duchamp was famous for misappropriating other people’s work. are few emotions left over for the art. So, I was unable to choose a favourite piece. Th is is exactly what Mormimura has made a career doing. She creates self por- My favourite moment however, took place as I was queueing for the cloakroom. A traits referencing a series of artists and artworks from history, some of which tall and skinny blonde woman, wearing long black gloves studded in gold, became can be seen in the background of this image. Even the title is misleading as she one of the best examples of bitchiness posing as politeness that I have ever wit- takes the part of Duchap’s female companion in this image. Like good art the nessed. Being wondrously bitchy didn’t help her appreciation for the cloakroom piece wraps up layers of meaning and questioning whilst retaining a striking and queue cloakroom and she took her ire out on a girl working at the Fair. Surpris- unique aesthetic. ingly, for someone who had probably just spent a literal fortune at various galler- Other personal favourites were Kevin Crosgrave’s beautiful paintings of work- ies, she didn’t get her way. shops and Richard Patterson’s piece Male Nude. If you had some spare cash you also had the opportunity to take home a piece of Exhibition Road, with two small sculptures on sale from Tony Cragg. Frieze Masters

Th ere was a sober elegance in the disposition of space at Frieze Masters and many exquisite things on display. However, the art suff ered from being sunk in the same market atmosphere that was present at Frieze itself. It was vaguely de- pressing to wander around the various galleries and fi nd oneself unable to ignore the bored gallerists on their iPads. Nonetheless, there was a lot in the marquee that would have transcended the aura of money for even the most cynical of visi- tors. My favourite things, probably because they came as something of a surprise were two pieces by American conceptual and minimalist artist Sol Le Witt. He is perhaps most famous for his wall drawings, but at the Lisson Gallery, it was pos- sible to see a sculpture of his; stacked white cubes forming a staircase – perhaps to a minimalist heaven? Th e second of his pieces, diagonal lines in four direc- tions (on paper) was not only incredibly aesthetically pleasing, but also brought to an image of clarity and calmness after the madness of the fair.

Why work? Instead, doodle all lecture long and then send us your drawings to [email protected]. 30 FRIDAY 19 OCTOBER

Film Editors: Katy Bettany, FILM John Park, Lucy Wiles fi [email protected] The best fi lms from the 1950s

John Park Film Editor

Recently, the British Film Institute (BFI) released the results of their celebrated poll, “THE GREATEST FILMS OF ALL TIME”, in which they surveyed fi lm critics and directors to list their ten favourite fi lms. Now the Felix Film team, as much as we’d love to, doesn’t have that kind of time or resources. And so we decided to split the fi lms up according to the decades in which they were released. So every week, we will present you with our top fi lms of each decade.

10. The Killing (1956) 8. Rear Window (1954) 6. Singin’ in the Rain (1952) 4. On the Waterfront (1954) 2. All About Eve (1950) One of Stanley Kubrick’s less-known You can’t talk about thriller without Th e fi rst musical to enter our “best Everyone tries, and fails, to recreate Fasten your seatbelts. It’s going to but by no means inferior works, this the name Alfred Hitchcock. Th e BFI of” lists and a worthy one at that, as the speech made by Marlon Brando be a bumpy night. Th e ultimate cat/ is exactly how you should do a short, ran a tribute programme aptly named whenever it rains, we all fi nd our- in one of the most iconic roles of his bitch-fi ght and showdown between snappy, smart heist movie. An in- “Th e Genius of Hitchcock: Master of selves secretly humming to the titu- career. Yes, the “I coulda been a con- two headstrong women take place in genious conning scheme, a group of Suspense” and the mentioned fi lm is lar song, with a dance sequence that tender” scene is so famous that Bran- Joseph L. Mankiewicz’s Oscar win- shady characters, and a whole load a fi ne example as to why he is consid- remains as famous as the song itself. do’s performance here is considered ning fi lm set in the cutthroat, ruth- of complications that messes up the ered to be an extraordinary fi lmmak- A defi nitive crowd-pleaser and one one of the most remarkable acting less world of stage actors, directors, protagonist’s carefully planned ex- er. A wheelchair-bound man (James that screams happiness and joy in achievements anyone has ever put writers and whatever signifi cant oth- ecution. It’s certainly compact, full of Stewart), whilst observing his neigh- all forms without ever overdoing it, on screen. Th e story of dockworker ers they may have and the confl icts exhilarating twists, and unexpected bours with his binoculars, suspects with songs and dance-numbers to Terry Malloy’s struggle against cor- that come along. Hoarse-voiced, outcomes that fi t so perfectly with the he’s witnessing criminal activities, a match the colourful liveliness, it not ruption and moral obscurity makes wide-eyed Bette Davis is superb as build-up; an underrated, under-rec- suspicion that lands him in a lot of only tells a love story, but also looks for a deeply touching and fascinat- the ageing, insecure star threatened ognised classic from a director whose trouble. Grace Kelly, at her glamor- at the fi lm industry going through an ing watch, with Eva Marie Saint, in by the sneaky, snarky Anne Baxter, diversity in his work amazes and in- ous, luminous best, also stars in his important transition, from silent to her fi lm debut, as sweet, likable love slowly working her way up the ladder spires even to this day. stylish ride. colour and sound. interest. with her innocent yet deadly smirk.

9. Rashomon (1950) 7. 12 Angry Men (1957) 5. Some Like It Hot(1959) 3. Sunset Boulevard (1950) 1. A Streetcar Named Desire (1951) When it comes to law and the justice What could have been a potentially It’s a delightfully odd, eccentric, but Sitting alone in her worn-down man- “Stella!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Hey Stella!!!!!!!!!!!!” is a system, the great Patty Hewes once monotonous courtroom drama turns most importantly, timelessly hysterical sion is Norma Desmond, played by line of dialogue so simple yet power- said “trust no-one.” And this solid, into a tense, incredibly detailed and screwball comedy that never shows its the fi ery Gloria Swanson fi ring off ful and perfectly timed and delivered tightly scripted and structured of- layered fi lm that uncovers hidden age in its head-spinning dialogue and icy one-liners. She is a silent movie (…by the great Marlon Brando, who fering from Japan’s internationally pieces of evidence that make up the cleverly devised comedic chaos. As two star who has faded away into obscu- else?) that its resonance in the dra- acclaimed fi lm director, Akira Kuro- case twelve jurors are deliberating. musicians (the two perfectly matched rity ever since the “talkies” started matic fi nale is without a doubt one sawa, shows exactly that. People see We know very little to begin with, Jack Lemmon, Tony Curtis) go on the making more money. Enter Joe Gillis of the most memorable parting shots things, observe and interpret events and assume the defendant is guilty. run for witnessing a deadly mob hit, (William Holden), an aspiring Holly- ever. Paired with the exceptionally with their own eyes, in their own But one man (Henry Fonda) punches they decide it would be best to dis- wood writer who hasn’t quite cracked talented and seductive Vivien Leigh, views, and when it suits them, they holes in the prosecution’s case, slow- guise themselves in drag, entering an the industry yet. Dreaming of glitter- the two give master class perfor- can downright lie, even the ones we ly but surely winning over the stub- all-female band. Th ere, they both natu- ing careers, the two decide to work mances, marking a true high in their never expected. It’s foreign, black- born group of men more interested rally fall for the ditzy, blonde lead singer together, although inevitably not eve- careers. Elia Kazan’s toned down and-white (two big turn-off factors in getting out of their claustrophobic Sugar (Marilyn Monroe). Nobody’s per- rything can go that smoothly. Tragic, script, to fi t the industry codes back for some people) but it’s an endlessly setting (expertly mounted by Sidney fect? Well, this fi lm is pretty darn close disturbing, funny, and unforgettable, then, may frustrate some, but its en- fascinating quest for the truth. Lumet) than serving justice. to perfection. this is Billy Wilder at his best. ergy is still very much felt. FRIDAY 19 OCTOBER 31

Film Editors: Katy Bettany, John Park, Lucy Wiles FILM fi [email protected] 56th BFI London Film Festival propelled Magik into legendary status in to the internet and the dial tone rings usually seen in modern day movies. daily life in Kensington to relate to You Are God Poland. through the speakers. None of the characters are devastatingly a wannabe hip hop artist living in For those far removed from any of this This snippet of Polish culture is beautiful or wear fancy clothes with industrial Poland trying to get through Director: Leszek Dawid knowledge (which included myself), refreshing in comparison to Hollywood unmaintainable fancy hair. life’s struggles and make it into the big Screenwriter: Maciej Pisuk the fi lm does a great job in taking the style fi lms taking over many cinema Surprisingly, the fi lm makes it terribly time. Defi nitely worth a watch for hip Starring: Marcin Kowalczyk, viewer through the whole thing and the genres today. Big time hip-hop artists easy for a wannabe scientist spending hop or non-hip hop fans alike. Dawid Ogrodnik, Tomasz storyline is never annoyingly ambiguous. who live with their parents in a concrete Schuchardt What is slightly confusing at fi rst though, estate and struggle to make ends meet, is distinguishing each rapper from contrast greatly with the fi lthy rich stars another as they are all young, white, of our generation. male skinheads in sports joggers and What is also very interesting is that Writer sweaters - basically a British chav, but in there is no bias towards any character. Lily Le an era when everyone was one. Although Magik is depicted as the most The similarities to Britain don’t stop talented and passionate member of the In 1998 Poland, rapper Magik forms there and, although probably not an group, his inevitable downfall from his three-piece rap group Paktfonica intention of the fi lm, they make you own misbehaviour makes you hold back (apparently meaning “the pact next to realise just how globalised western on sympathy for his situation. the sound of the speakers”). The fi lm is culture has become. This also makes the There are no unrealistic extremes: based on his story, from getting them fi lm more accessible to a wider, non- no fairytale happy endings or tragic together, troubles in getting noticed and Polish speaking audience. fi nales full of morality and how you signed, why you should not cheat on Everyone in the room couldn’t help should change your life. The troubled your wife and mother of your child even but laugh when Rahim tells Fokus to relationship between Magik and his if you are a big-time rap artist, and fi nally get off the phone so the group can dial girlfriend invokes empathy as it lacks the the ending of his own life later which up their chunky Windows 95 computer idiotic fi rst-world type love problems

Rust and Bone fi nd legitimate employment - eventually the gypsies involved in illegal fi ghting Stéphanie’s relationship. form a cohesive piece. Nonetheless, the becoming an illegal fi ghter. Soon after (women unwelcome), standing tall on The fi lm’s soundtrack is often almost symbiotic relationship between Director: Jacques Audiard their meeting, Stéphanie loses both newly fi tted prostheses, she becomes unexpected, opening and closing Ali and Sam is deeply impressive; fraught Screenwriters: Jacques legs to a whale in a horrifi c accident, the queen of strength and bad girl. with Bon Iver’s haunting double part with love and rage. When Sam is put in Audiard, Thomas Bidegain, Craig sending her into a spiral of self-loathing A fi lm with so ‘Wolves’. Also featured is Katy Perry’s mortal danger, our reaction, like Ali’s, is Davidson (story) and isolation. Surprisingly she reaches much tragedy could ‘Firework’, an unusual choice for a visceral. Cotillard acts with her body as Starring: Marion Cotillard, out to the struggling father, and the easily become powerful scene which features a newly much as with her voice – each movement Matthias Schoenaerts, Armand two form an unlikely connection. Ali’s melodramatic, disabled Cotillard re-enacting her Orca deliberate and instinctual. Coupled with Verdure indifference to Stéphanie’s condition but it isn’t – its routine to the sky. It is a great testament some clever CGI work, her portrayal helps her to accept her body, physically minimal script and to Audiard’s skill to take such an obvious of an amputee is as believable as it is and sexually; with her providing a locus abrupt switches song and use it to enhance a scene of moving. for his transient existence. between realism and great profundity. This is a fi lm about approaches to the Consistently we ask ourselves who is expressionism keeps Despite excellent human body – it is about pain that is Film Editor Katy Bettany stronger; Ali, the largely silent, casual- the fi lm sobering and performances sought and pain that is inflicted. The sex addicted fi ghter prone to outbursts unflinching. Audiard from Cotillard, theme of control is explored – with When Ali (Schoenaerts), an emotionally of explosive rage; or Stéphanie, experiments with light Schoenaerts obvious parallels drawn between Ali stunted migrant worker, meets fi ghting to regain control of a life with and texture, and uses and Verdure, the and the whales, with Stéphanie’s need Stéphanie (Cotillard), an Orca trainer, in new limitations. Our perspective sound layering – often fi lm could at times to control large mammals. Ever present a nightclub, neither could have imagined is challenged - his life unravels and loud and confusing feel episodic and is the power of nature, of the cycles of the events that would befall them. Ali, relationship with his son deteriorates, enough to obscure the unconnected; with events degradation and renewal, and physical who moves with his young son Sam whilst Stéphanie rebuilds herself, dialogue, to reflect punctuating a seemingly strength. This is not a commercial love (Verdure) from Belgium to France to live fi guratively and literally. In a scene the chaotic and fragile aimless screenplay rather story, but it is one that will not fail to with a sister he barely knows, struggles to where Cotillard is seen negotiating with nature of Ali and than fi tting together to move even the coldest of viewers.

The Sapphires and Australia’s murky past – but far love of Country and Western, he quickly however, the fi lm does not whine or loud moments, and is a convincing soul from reveling in darkness, it is a joyful identifi es them as the best thing around, labour the point. Kay, a member of the man. Director: Wayne Blair celebration of a group of Aborigine becomes their manager, converts them Lost Generation, reconnects with her The soundtrack is the true star of the Screenwriters: Tony Briggs, women who break the shackles of racism to soul, and embarks with them on a indigenous roots, making peace with the fi lm. Covers of Smokey Robinson, Marvin Keith Thompson to sing soul music to US troops during journey to Saigon to entertain the US family she lost in her childhood. The fi lm Gaye and Four Tops, and originals by Sam Starring: Chris O’Dowd, the Vietnam war. marine corps. is about healing, forgiveness, and moving and Dave, make this fi lm a celebration Deborah Mailman, Jessica Based on the true story of writer The fi lm explores an important part forward – something that modern day of authentic Motown soul. Mauboy’s Mauboy, Shari Sebbens, Tony Briggs’ mother and aunt, and of Australian history. From the 1800s Australians living in a country that still voice is made for soul; rich, deep with Miranda Tapsell adaption of the successful stage show, well into the 70s, pale skinned Aborigine struggles with racism, will connect with. incredible range; but at times the girls it is 1968 and four Aborigine women children were taken from their families The sisters are as one dimensional lack the emotional connection with the meet a hapless Irish man, Dave Lovelace by Federal and State offi cials in the as the signs Lovelace hangs around classic songs to really shine. The most (O’Dowd), whilst performing in a shameful attempt to integrate the their necks to remind him – and them moving songs are the ones sung in Yorta whites-only Outback pub. Despite their children with white people, misguidedly – of their roles. Julie (Mauboy), ‘lead Yorta, an indigenous language: it is here Film Editor Katy Bettany believing that the singer’, Kay (Sebbens), ‘dance leader’, you can hear the plight of the Aborigine black population Cynthia (Tapsell) ‘the sexy one’, and people loudest. If country music is about sitting around would ‘die out’. Gail (Mailman), originally ‘???’ but Making comparisons to the whining about loss, and soul music is These children quickly becomes mother hen. The four similar Dreamgirls will only lead to about getting up and doing something would form the lack serious character development for disappointment. Go with an open about it, then ‘The Sapphires’ channels ‘Lost Generation’, this to be a truly exceptional fi lm, but mind and the willingness to forgive the soul to its core. This is a fi lm with a part of Australia’s the vocals are fantastic, and O’Dowd, occasional weak moment - if you love strong political message; touching upon past I’m sure it fresh from his success in Bridesmaids, is soul music this is a feel-good fi lm not to the lost generation, black oppression would rather forget: reliably funny, providing some laugh out be missed. 32 FRIDAY 19 OCTOBER

Film Editors: Katy Bettany, FILM John Park, Lucy Wiles fi [email protected] Top 10 Scariest Films of All Time (spoilers rife!) The Texas The Shining Chainsaw Massacre Psycho The Exorcist Scream ((1980)1980) ((1974)1974) ((1960)1960) ((1973)1973) ((1996)1996)

Stanley Kubrick's fi lm Well, it has to be said – if you Psycho is defi nitely in the Watch the whole fi lm with The main reason Scream is so adaptation of Stephen King’s like your horror fi lms brutal, list of the greatest thrillers the lights on. At midday, successful is because we fi nally The Shining is almost certainly bleak and swimming in of all time, and one of the with the curtains open and have a group of characters the most popular King fi lm; blood, this is defi nitely greatest parts in Alfred the radio on. And then get that have all seen the same an unsettling and upsetting the2 one for you. Toby Hooper's Texas Hitchcock's legendary CV. ready to never, ever sleep scary fi lms we have, and who 1chronicle of a family man's mental Chainsaw Massacre was the gruesome A3 true master of suspense and tension, again.4 The movie's premise, a little girl 5 breakdown. Jack Nicholson infamously Hitchcock crafted a memorable horror possessed by a demon, is pretty freaky plays Jack Torrance, a struggling writer experience with a limited cast and as just words on paper. But director who foolishly accepts a job as a hotel even more limited budget. Nowadays, William Friedkin treats the horror of it caretaker – even in the knowledge that all as if it were really happening next the previous caretaker had gone insane door to us. Before it can be defeated, and murdered his family. Of course, this demon must be believed in. Fathers things quickly take a turn for the Karras and Merrin spend the third worse. Deadly hedge mazes, lifts full act of the movie fi ghting the Devil for of blood and the terrifying Room 237 control of the young girl’s soul. And in are only some of the horrors that await doing so, Karras, a man of wavering faith throughout most of the movie, fi nally believes in the only true good he knows by sacrifi cing himself to save her. Although The Exorcist is the reason why so many exorcism movies flood the marketplace – it is also the reason why they never fully deliver. fi lm that took the immoral, inbred folk from Deliverance and turned them into a are aware of all the clichés that go along sick, aggressive, insane clan of merciless with the genre. However, it seems that cannibals. Start with a very typical nobody knows more than the killer opening point of a van full of teens who (….killers?) who plays with his victims run out of petrol in just the wrong place mercilessly, asking them questions about in Texas, then throw in Leatherface (a old horror fi lms to help them guess his charming gentleman wearing human admittedly, the actual content of Psycho next move – an almost interactive game skin and carrying, yes, a chainsaw) and isn't as shocking as it was when it was that the viewers can play along with. some meat-hooks – and there’s your fi rst released in 1960. However, it proves Director Wes Craven waits for as long recipe for a pretty repugnant fi lm that Hitchcock’s skill as a director that Psycho as possible to pull out some very well- viewers. Apart from being a terrifying had to fi ght for a distributor due to the is still a nerve-wracking watch. The executed tense scenes, with the killer’s fi lm, The Shining has managed to leave graphic violence. Before Leatherface killing of Janet Leigh's character (not fi nal reveal being realistically terrifying. its mark on modern culture – the image became a squealing cross-dresser in the to mention the accompanying score) is of Nicholson poking his head through a pretty awful Texas Chainsaw Massacre: now one of the most iconic extracts in doorway and shouting "Here's Johnny!" The Next Generation, he was a hideous Hollywood history. Dawn of the Dead The Silence of the Lambs is one of the most well-known movie and raw horror icon, who would never Psycho is such a classic that a shot- moments ever. A fantastically petrifying have considered a skirt. for-shot remake was made in 1998. ((1978)1978) ((1991)1991) watch… just don't expect to sleep that Wouldn’t waste your time on that one, night. The Blair Witch Project but honestly – the original is epic. Fantastic (sick?) director You know it’s got to George Romero single- be good if it’s a Best ((1999)1999) handedly created the zombie Picture Oscar winner. Friday the 13th Suspiria fi lm genre with Night of the The Silence of the The fi rst in a very (very) 9 Living Dead in the sixties. Lambs is potentially ((1980)1980) long line of ‘shaky hand-held ((1977)1977) Ten years later, he used his massively the10 scariest movie ever created around home fi lm’ horror movies, successful formula to make Dawn of the psychological attacks and deduction. Ok, so it’s a little bit such as uber-successful You know how, for some scary Dead – the much bigger, much gorier, You can blame this fi lm all you like cheesy. And the fashion Paranormal Activity, The Blair fi lms, you have to turn the and much funnier younger brother of for the seemingly never-ending lame is decidedly dodgy. But Witch7 Project is actually pretty scary. lights on for just a few scenes? Night. The true brilliance of Dawn of the Hannibal Lecter impressions, but it gave it was the 80’s – and Admittedly, with hindsight and a few Well in this fi lm – don’t bother Dead is the way in which it combined us one of the fi lm industry’s most iconic Friday6 the 13th is defi nitely effective. years’ more fi lming experience, some turning them off. Suspiria gets villains – not to mention the pivotal role Before this fi lm came out – along with of the scenes are a little bit obvious 8right to the point with a brisk double of Anthony Hopkins’ career. Director it’s epic makeup effects produced by and slightly dated. But The Blair Witch murder early on in the plot that involves Jonathan Demme is utterly relentless the inimitable Tom Savini – the murder Project came out in the 90’s, when the a young lady looking out into the dark… with the tension, succeeding where scenes in horror movies were nowhere internet was in its infancy and spoilers only to realise a pair of terrifying eyes are Ridley Scott failed in his 2001 sequel, even close to the vividness or creativeness were not published determinedly before staring back. This creepy start develops Hannibal, by keeping the character of of those in Friday the 13th. It might be every new scary movie release – in fact, into a few stabbings and hangings, and Lecter less of a caricature – and more a little bit dated, but when the arrow the internet was used in this case to culminates with a gruesome death by of a believable terror. So settle down goes through the back of poor Kevin’s convince the public that the unnatural stained-glass impalement for her and to 1991’s best fi lm, maybe with a little neck, you still jump. Not to mentimentiono the goings-on in this fi lm were real. Love it her friend. Although Chianti… screams when the or hate it (‘cause it makes you dizzy), the a rather typical standard, gruesome zombie carnage deformed boy use of the giallo (Italian horror with a humourous dose of satire and jumps out thehe shaky cam fi lm), director Dario social commentary. The question at water behindd here must Argento proves the end of the movie seems to be left long-- take credit more than capable hanging: are modern Americans really sufferingg for a whole of creating an so different from the shambling undead Alice. new way of environment of horror zombies? Unfortunately this message freaking us and the supernatural – was somewhat lost in the enjoyable, but out. a good, creepy watch. defi nitely inferior, 2004 remake. by Lucy Wiles Film Editor FRIDAY 19 OCTOBER 33

Film Editors: Katy Bettany, John Park, Lucy Wiles FILM fi [email protected]

Top 10 Box New Halloween Releases of 2012 Offi ce Films Film Editor Lucy Wiles Paranormal Activity 4 - 19/10/12:

Set in 2011, fi ve years since the goings-on of Grave Encounters 2 - OUT NOW: Paranormal Activity, this new twisted tale follows the life of teenager Alice and her Grave Encounters was a found-footage family – a nice suburban bunch who happen horror phenomenon that many people to be the new neighbours of a returning Katie believed was just a movie. But in Grave (who, if you’ll recall, killed her boyfriend 1. Taken 2 Encounters 2, fi lm student Alex Wright Frankenweenie - OUT NOW: Micah, sister Kristi, and her brother-in-law is out to prove the disbelievers wrong. Daniel in the fi rst fi lm) and her kidnapped 2. Hotel Transylvania Alex is as obsessed with the fi rst fi lm as A stop-motion, animated film, Franken- baby Hunter (now named Robbie for some the 20 million people who viewed its weenie was filmed in black and white weird reason). Funnily enough, the same Sinister - OUT NOW: 3. Sinister viral trailer on YouTube. While he and his and rendered in 3D, which enhances the weird stuff that happened in the fi rst, second friends research the events and visit the old-fashioned style to a whole new ex- and third fi lms kicks off all over again. Struggling true-crime novelist Ellison 4. Looper real psychiatric hospital depicted in the perience. From the never-ending genius stumbles into a supernatural mystery original fi lm, they fi nd themselves face- of Tim Burton comes Frankenweenie, a that threatens the lives of his entire family 5. The Perks of Being a to-face with unspeakable evil – and have heartwarming tale about a boy and his in this nightmarish horror story. Seeking Wallflower hope that their knowledge of the original dog (that doesn’t star Johnny Depp). inspiration for his latest book, Ellison fi lm will help them survive the sequel. After unexpectedly losing his beloved (foolishly) moves his wife and children 6. Ruby Sparks dog Sparky, young Victor Frankenstein into a home where a family perished uses the power of science to bring back under rather nasty circumstances. Terror 7. On the Road his best canine friend – albeit with a few soon hits home when he discovers a box minor adjustments. Although Victor at- of old movies in the attic of the house, 8. ParaNorman tempts to conceal his dodgy doggy, the and fi nds to his horror images of various new Sparky escapes the confines of his families being murdered. The deeper 9. The Campaign attic, and the entire town learns about Ellison investigates, the more he fears he this new way of creating life – and de- has stirred an evil that won’t rest until it 10. Untouchable cided that it was potentially monstrous. has claimed his entire family.

Celebrate your Halloween with these special spooky screenings Frightnight All Nighter 2012:

Frightfest – which claims to be ‘the UK’s biggest, best and most beloved horror fantasy festival’ – is bringing its hugely popular Halloween event to the Vue West End (Leicester Square) for Frightfest 2012. Six international horror fi lms played back to back over an intense twelve-hour period on the night of Saturday 27 October mean you’ll be in for a thrilling evening of 765 minutes of new and popular horror fi lms, including a surprise world premiere fi lm. Book tickets now to avoid disappointment at www.myvue.com.

Chills in the Chapel 2012:

Back for another year of Halloween Fun, ‘Chills in the Chapel’ returns to Union Chapel for night of terrifying horror. Prepare yourself for a shocking night, with late night showings and fancy dress celebrations galore. In collaboration with Flying Fleas Productions, ‘Chills in the Chapel’ will be showing the spine-chilling vintage horror movie, Young Frankenstein in the gothic chapel itself, which with its haunted corridors, secret passageways and hidden vaults, is the perfect place to be on a Halloween night in London. Also including live performances, music and entertainment throughout the night, ‘Chills in the Chapel’ at Union Chapel will take place on Saturday 27 October 2012 at 7pm till late, and tickets for the event will cost £10.00. Sing-along Rocky Horror Picture Show: Silvio Berlusconi This is your chance to get dressed up for Halloween and head to the ‘Singalonga Rocky Horror Picture Show’ evening. Taking place at the Prince Charles Cinema this year, the screening promises plenty of interactive fun for fans of the cult hit. Join in with the best known hits from Tim Curry as Dr Frank-N-Furter, along with Susan Sarandan and Meat Loaf in probably says: the tongue-in-cheek ‘70s musical smash hit.. The Singalonga Rocky Horror Picture Show London screening for Halloween starts 8.30pm, Friday 26 October –Tuesday 30 October 2012, and tickets cost £14.50. Halloween Screening and Afterparty at Club de Fromange: “Write for Film” Who you gonna call? Ghostbusters! Starring Bill Murray and Sigourney Weaver, Ghostbusters has been a much-loved classic since its release in 1984. The hilarious fi lm is this year’s (not very scary) fabulous choice for the Halloween Screening at Club de Fromage and is a great way to kick off the fancy dress Halloween extravaganza that will be going on for the rest of Send in your articles to: the night. Movies and music won’t be all you can expect at the Halloween Screening at Club de Fromage, as the bar will be serving Halloween cocktails and fun activities and games will be held during the evening, such as apple bobbing and other classics. Screening at Club de Fromage takes place on Saturday 27 October 2012 from 7pm. Tickets cost £15.00 for the whole evening or £5.00 for just the fi lm. fi [email protected] Lucy Wiles Film Editor 34 FRIDAY 19 OCTOBER Music Editors: Mark England, Ross Gray, Simon Hunter, MUSIC Íñigo Martinez de Rituerto [email protected]

You Don’t Have To Call It Music Van She do Koko George Butcher Pt. 2 a new ear for classical Various London clubs have off ered by Íñigo Martinez de Rituerto Fresher’s Week deals, yet none of them were quite as enticing as Koko’s in Camden; an old theatre, with the Classical music has been all but abandoned by the generations following the stalls replaced with a dance fl oor, XX Century iconoclasts. Swept aside by the hormonal avalanche of the baby the circle with a bar and a 21st cen- boomers, modern music since Elvis turned to Africa for salvation from the tury sound system squeezed onto the amorphous excursions of the decades before. Percussion has informed practi- Victoria stage. It’s a beautiful venue cally all non-classical music since then, from rock’n’roll to jazz, and eventually which still retains its classical archi- hip-hop and techno. Rhythm and simplicity were the order of the day. Hour- tecture and off ers some of the best long orchestral narratives were no longer acceptable. In an age of accelera- in ‘up and coming’ live music. Last tion, brevity was the only way to be heard. Friday, it was the turn of the Aussies In 2005, techno machinist Jeff Mills performed a selection of his tracks with Van She, supported by Sans Disappointed by the support act. Screw this, let’s go shopping. I need a haircut. with the Montpellier Philharmonic Orchestra. Tunes typically reserved for Cisco to provide the entertainment sweaty dancefloors in inhospitable locations were now met with cheers of for its Club NME night. ing loud to be seen. Some songs were Live; well, very similar, except that “Bravo!” The audience now danced to the conductor’s lead, rather than po- Normally £2 before 10:30, £4 before predictable – “na na na na na” is no now repetitive isn’t such a bad thing. litely nodding their heads in their seats. Recently, two legends of the Detroit 12 and £7 after, the night was open longer a good enough theme, it just Th ey played their new music, be- and Berlin techno scences, Carl Craig and Moritz von Oswald, collaborated for free in celebration of freshers’ isn’t. Finishing on their single ‘Awk- cause, well, nobody knows their old on a reworking of two of classical’s best-known pieces, Mussorgsky’s Pictures week and once your correspondent ward’ though, a soulful duet between stuff so they may as well. Highlights at an Exhibition and Ravel’s Boléro. Taking a studio recording from the Berlin had bagged himself and his friends’ the lead and the drummer, they left included ‘Kelly’, ‘So High’ and fi nish- Philharmonic Orchestra as their source, the two sampled, recomposed and entry, we joined Sans Cisco’s sup- the stage as a successful support, but ing with ‘Jamaica’, so called because remixed the classics into an electro odyssey, mixing 4/4 beats with blaring porting set. with the audience very much aware it features a steel pan sample which trumpets and scintillating violins. Sans Cisco dot the ‘i’ in indie. Or at that the highlight was when a rando- disappointingly wasn’t performed With 2010’s 1-bit Symphony, American sound artist Tristan Perich simul- least try to. Top buttons done up and mer jumped on the stage and shouted live. Perhaps they save that for Daft taneously redefined established recording practices, while contextualizing beards carefully groomed, they were into the lead singer’s mic. Punk. Th at said, it’s a brilliant song classical music in the presence of modern advancements in technology. He fun and likeable, if only a little bit like It was then the turn of head-liners which forced even myself to pretend programmed an entire symphony onto a standard microchip using 1’s and 0’s any other indie-pop band. Th ey per- Van She to take the stage. Hailing to dance. It was going so well. (binary assembly code), representing frequency simply as periodic sequences formed live well though, each player from Sydney, they’ve supported Yeah More venues need to incorporate of digital bits. Packaged in a jewel case which held the circuitry instead of a distinguishable and useful, prevent- Yeah Yeahs, Daft Punk, Bloc Party live music into club nights, so much CD, a flick of the switch ran the code and played the music. The symphony ing the crafted melodies being lost and Phoenix. No pressure then. Elec- more fun than having a DJ blast the itself is composed of wonderful polyharmonics weaving in and out of each in a decibel intensive live mash. Th ey tro-pop reminiscent of the ‘80s with same old songs in your general direc- other, swelling in consonance and stupefying beauty. also moved their drummer, Scar- big synthesiser sounds, listening to tion. Th e atmosphere was friendly, Some artists have taken the old guard not merely as a model but as an inspi- lett Stevens, forwards to front left. their recordings they are thoughtfully progressive and lacked the leery men ration. Rene Hell’s Porcelain Opera and The Terminal Symphony achieve the It’s nice to see a drummer showing produced if a little repetitive. A less in the corner or the bikini clad door same form of elegance as Mozart’s most moving pieces, using only electronic presence and not just relying on be- diverse Django Django if you like. girls. Give it a go. instruments like modular synthesizers and effect pedals more usually reserved for noise or techno. Though not always present beneath the crumbling hiccups of failing circuitry, the harmony of an orchestra always lurks beneath the deep streams of fuzz. But when they come up for air, they whisper something of an enlightenment to the ears, suddenly drenching the panorama with swathes of Movements in the deep of night colour and melody. Equally fragile and violent, teetering on the edge of col- lapse and always basked in some sort of orgasmic splendor, he makes circuits sing as if revealing a personality beneath them, one with emotions and memo- ries. His most recent split album with Oneohtrix Point Never is warmly remi- Ross Gray In ways, the record is somewhat the soft, restrained and steady beat. niscent of Glenn Gould’s recording of Bach’s Goldberg Variations, where the reminiscent of Actress’ fantastic R.I.P. As eluded to in the opening para- pianist can be heard intimately humming behind the microphone. Vessel lays found sound and lo-fi sam- graph, whilst this is a special listen C. Spencer Yeh is another tantalizing figure to blend the artistry of classical Fellow Bristolian Vessel’s 2012 of- ples over a darkly sparse soundscape any time of day (especially for anyone music with the chaotic tendencies of noise. He runs his electric violin through a fering, Order of Noise, manages to that really forces you to focus on the who is well acquainted with the Bris- plethora of signal processing units, endowing walls of fuzz with searing melodic successfully intertwine dark ambient, minutiae of his work. Orchestral tol music and club scene), the time flourishes. Challenger is one of the most arresting and awesome offerings in re- glitch, dub and techno to throw us sweeps, dragged through muddy fi l- it truly shines is at 8am after going cent years. The juxtaposition of sensitivity and power is incredible to behold. back to those grimy Bristol moments ters, similar to William Basinksi’s Th e hard all night. Next time you’re feel- Perhaps unsurprisingly, classical music has also made some moves in break- where the stims have ran out and eve- Disintegration Loops; slowed down, ing burnt out after 6 hours of clubbing core, a genre who’s drug-addled exponents revel in complexity. Last Wednes- ryone is desperately caning the keta- grunting vocal samples; and short, jar- and 2 hours of night buses, instead of day saw Aphex Twin perform at the Barbican with the Heritage Orchestra mine, milking the absolute last out of ring bursts of glitch noise add to the reaching for your skins and Th e KLF’s and Choir. A year ago, he and Radiohead guitarist Jonny Greenwood adapted the depraved party that has just run its disturbed euphoria proff ered. Chill Out, grab some hard depressants Krzysztof Penderecki’s Threnody for the Victims of Hiroshima in celebration course. Perhaps the most arresting element and dive deep into the world of Vessel. of the Polish presidency of the EU. Released on newly famous ‘witch- of the album is how on a fi rst listen it In 2005, Venetian Snares, another venerable actor of the breakcore scene, house’ label Tri Angle, which tends to seems, whilst still great, fragmented released an album of unrelenting beats cut with samples of Bartók, Stravin- represent a whole plethora of left-fi eld and fl eeting – too broken and empty Congratulations to sky, Mahler, Paganini, Prokofiev and more. Already proficient in the exploi- electronica (e.g. Holy Other, Clams to have any drive, nearly an ambient tation of computational power to deliver his aural assault, he now used his Casino), Order of Noise presumably album. As you listen again, the album Will Pote tools to manipulate the magnificent works of more orthodox composers. stemmed from ideas born in raves un- starts developing this drive, small and There has been some custom at the outer-limits of modern music to bow der disused railway bridges. Its main hard to detect though it is. Beats (no and down to the cornerstones which made phenomenological physiology of vi- skeleton consists of refi ned wobbles matter how quiet) constantly running, brating particles. The paradox lies in the movement from such unorthodox that make hooded heads bob com- layers very slowly building in density Jeany Tan ends of music to pay homage to ancient harmonic methods. After decades bined with beats darting from quietly until the fantastic climax of ‘Court of when technological progress informed the bounds of creativity, the avant thumping industrial-techno 4/4 to the Lions’. Swelling ethereal synths run for destroying last week’s garde somehow harkened back to the craft and delicacy only human hands barebones militaristic breakbeats so in conjunction with more standard could unravel. often associated with dubstep; subtle dance fare like a perfectly developing MS Paint competition but utterly danceable. pulsing synth, dancing under and over FRIDAY 19 OCTOBER 35 Music Editors: Mark England, Ross Gray, Simon Hunter, Íñigo Martinez de Rituerto MUSIC [email protected] Kaleidoscopes of Canada Padraic Calpin theirs is the reverse of the usual produc- intent, infused with unfathomable tion process. When creating music, BoC meaning. In a way this is often true, as take individual sounds and progressively there is more to the music of Boards of IDM (which, unfortunately, is short for destroy them, until they appear aged and Canada than initially meets the eye. intelligent dance music) is an incredibly worn. Part of this drive comes from their Take the track ‘Gyroscope’. It features interesting genre. Also dubbed “Arm- early inspiration, the soundtracks to old a heavy, rolling beat, a synth line that chair Techno” , it’s a loosely defi ned term educational documentaries produced sounds like it’s running backwards and for experimental electronic music. Th e by the National Film Board of Canada, an unnerving sample of a child reading a sounds lumped under this label can vary from which their name is drawn. sequence of numbers over and over. Th is wildly, from the hauntingly nostalgic to Nowhere is this eff ect better demon- sample is in fact a recording taken from a tracks with beats that go beyond the lim- strated than on the aforementioned re- Numbers Station, unidentifi ed radio sta- its of danceability and syncopation into cord Geogaddi, released with Warp in tions that broadcast female or child voic- the realm of pure fetishism. I want to 2005. Each track on Geogaddi is cracked es reading seemingly random sequences talk about a group from the former end and broken, giving this strong impres- of numbers, possibly for espionage. of the spectrum: IDM mainstays Boards sion that you’re listening to an ancient Every single track on Geogaddi is fi lled of Canada (BoC). cassette, some long lost album that’s with tiny details like these: voice clips Th e world of Boards is a strange one: been sitting in the glove-box of your played backwards, forwards or slowed it into diff erent forms until it’s no longer again”, and ‘Dawn Chorus’ marks that members Marcus Eoin and Michael parents’ car. But because of this mental down; samples of radio-wave phenom- dependable or familiar. point on the album. It’s a gorgeous piece Sandison fi rst began making music to- association with old equipment, height- ena; references to Branch Davidian But, what makes Geogaddi, and in a of retro-futurism, evocative of the space gether in the 80s, releasing cassettes un- ened by BoC’s preference for analogue cultism and hypnotism; a sample from broader sense all BoC’s work, really in- race and the era when man envisaged der their own label, Music70; now signed synths, the album actually feels infused a dream sequence in a 70s horror fi lm. teresting is that their songs are not all colonies on the Moon, with wobbling to Warp Records, they’ve been working with warmth and nostalgia. Th is is an album so intricate that some- dark and oppressive. Th is band is equal- synths and rich bass notes that wash for decades in the Pentland Hills, Scot- Th erein lies the dichotomy of Geoga- one actually reversed the whole thing ly capable of producing upbeat dance over you like waves. land, having only emerged to play live ddi; whereas the timbre is warm and and made it available to download on tracks (‘Roygbiv’, ‘Julie’ and ‘Candy’), As I said near the beginning, the world ten times in their entire career; most of rich, many of the songs themselves are Th e Pirate Bay, in some vain attempt to haunting but beautiful melodies (‘Tur- of Boards is a strange and seemingly al- the material they produce remains un- dark and haunting things. Whether it’s cast light on it’s hidden details. quoise Hexagon Sun’), and even soar- ienating one, but it is also incredibly rich released (their second album, Geogaddi, the warped vocal samples, often from Th e sum of all these pieces is that Eoin ing euphoric pieces like my personal and rewarding. In a world where pop- contained 22 songs culled from 400 frag- children, droning synths or some other and Sandison seem to take on the role favourite ‘Dawn Chorus’. Sandison de- music is homogenising, this is a band ments and 64 full tracks.) unfamiliar sound, nearly all the songs on of a pair of mad scientists performing a scribed Geogaddi as a “twisting journey with an entirely unique sound, who Using a mixture of analogue synths, the album have an eerie edge to them. series of experiments on the notion of that takes you into some pretty dark ex- have done much to push the boundaries drum machines and live recordings, Th ey feel charged with some unknown nostalgia itself, bending it and warping periences before you reach the open air of electronic music.

Heineken Open’er Festival 2012 AMS album of the week Godspeed You! Black Emperor: Allelujah! Don’t Bend! Ascend! Lily Le If there’s one band who can wear the post-rock tag Akin to the parting of red sea... without shame, it’s Godspeed You! Black Emperor, Th e fi rst thing all Polish attendees of just with more drunk people famous for being able to capture the view of a city sky- Open’er said when I explained that was line burning and turn it into song. And they’re back, af- British was how crazy I was to go to ter leaving us with the somewhat disappointing Yanqui Poland when Britain has some of the U.X.O. in 2002. The eight person instrumental ensem- best festivals in the world. Th ey may ble now offers 54 minutes of new music, in the form have a point, but international festivals of two 20 minute epics (which is by no means unusual are defi nitely underrated. with an average track length at around this mark) and a As Open’er was an evening-only pair of drone tracks. So, has the apocalypse returned? event, this provided time during the Apparently, it has returned, but it hasn’t changed – the bulk of this album has been day to wonder around the cute lit- performed live since 2003, and any diehard fan will own several bootlegs featuring sec- tle seaside town. A free shuttle bus tions of the pieces. This leads to a disconnected sense when listening to the album, as it departs every ten minutes from the could be interpreted as two well-rehearsed live jams connected by ambient interludes. campsite to the centre which made it why was I able to get up as early as only two main stages, with four others Worse still, these interludes sound more like the band picked a note and played it for six incredibly easy to make the most of 11am which is pretty lame for a festi- exhibiting smaller bands. Th ere was minutes alongside a dissonant audio sample, rather than the carefully paced ambient Gdynia. val-goer is because of my over-the-top also a fashion stage, cinema and small sections that made previous epics so dynamic. They’re almost the definition of filler. Although there were not very many disgust of portaloos. art exhibition. Although this meant However, the epics most certainly aren’t filler. ‘Mladic’ sees the entire band tourist attractions, getting up at 11am Th is meant that I missed out on the there was not much choice in terms rocking out louder than ever before in a storm of carefully paced yet frantic riffs, and joining the epic queues for the diuretic nature of £1.50 Heineken/ of acts, it is very convenient if you like building to a stellar climax in its 18th minute. Godspeed’s massive sound comes pri- hot (yes hot!) showers and having to Desperados pints. Unfortunately any most of the artists as it means no sac- marily from the wide variety of instruments (three guitarists with a stunning range return by 6pm meant there was not other alcohol onsite (including the rifi cing and it does not take too long to of effects, two drummers, two bassists and a violist) and their unparalleled under- much time during the day to sightsee campsite) is banned. Th is isn’t really a get from one stage to another. standing of how to create immersive atmospheres. It doesn’t run the full gamut anyway. Th is made Gydnia the perfect problem as everything is so cheap that Headliners were Bjork, Justice, of moods expected in a Godspeed epic, but that’s where ‘We Drift Like Worried sized town to spend the waiting time. pre-drinking in a bar wouldn’t set you Franz Ferdinand, and the XX; al- Fire’ steps in, the second lengthy track. The first 10 minutes are especially good and Highlights included Barracuda, the back much. though my personal highlight was remind us that Explosions in the Sky can’t hold a candle to Godspeed. best seafood restaurant in Poland Getting around fi ve zloty for £1 is M83 who managed to get the crowd Even the last ambient song redeems itself – a rising organ emerges through the noise overlooking the Baltic Sea, the market one of the best parts about Poland as disgustingly sweaty. It was a good and holds until the end of the song, ending the album on a slightly warming note. This square, Cold War style milk bars sell- a festival destination. Tickets cost £70 chance to check out Polish music, but album isn’t a progression for Godspeed, but that’s not what it tries to be. Allelujah! ing traditional Polish meals for around for four evenings of music and seven having three quarters of the line up as Don’t Bend! Ascend! is simply them clearing a backlog of old material, paving the way £3 (main, dessert, and drink), and any nights’ camping. Bargain! some of the best British acts at the mo- for the next release (whose songs are already being played live), and creating some café with a clean toilet. Th e festival itself echoes the cosy ment, it is diffi cult to not want to miss memorable material in the process. To answer the obvious question of nature of the town it is in. Th ere were them. Robin Thomas 36 FRIDAY 19 OCTOBER

Games Editor: Ross Webster GAMES [email protected] Gamer girls get the shaft... Michael Barclay ponders the roles of women in gaming culture

he fact that the major- decade or so things have moved on ity of gamers are male somewhat and yeah, to some extent, is hardly a controversial they have. Th ere is a decent repertoire Tstatement. It’s almost of games out there that have realistic tautological. Guys like female characters that aren’t defi ned games, girls don’t. Yet, fundamentally, by huge breasts, little clothing or I don’t see why one’s fondness of gam- their tendency to die easily. I’m talk- ing should be so dominated by a per- ing about Jade from Beyond Good and son’s sex. Games are, at their most ba- Evil, or Alyx from Half-Life 2. Th ere’s sic level, just interactive media. When also the development of games that you think about games a bit more you aren’t just about killing crap or driv- can see why they’re so male dominat- ing fast cars – things that stereotypi- ed; you can see why I spent a lot of my cally, guys seem to enjoy more than childhood playing on my Sega Mega- girls. My girlfriend – who before drive and my sisters didn’t. Maybe it’s meeting me had absolutely no interest some ingrained gender pigeon-holing in ever playing games – has recently but little boys seem to prefer playing fallen in love with Catherine, a puzzle with toy soldiers, whilst little girls end game about adultery and the conse- up playing with dolls. When you look quences of it. Th e Wii has led to the at the majority of games out there development of games that appeal to HERP DERP. IMMA GUUUR- they generally seem to involve shoot- people who normally disregard them, RRLLLLLLLL. ing and killing stuff and I guess that’s opening it up to a wider audience. Careful there, Ezio. One wrong more appealing to a 7 year old boy It all boils down to the fundamental move with those hidden blades than a 7 year old girl. question I stated before: why should and there could be some Even when you move to games mar- the idea of sitting in front of a TV and serious silicone leakage... keted for more adult audiences, the controlling the actions of the charac- gaming industry has hardly helped ters on screen only appeal to men? I things. Th e origins of Lara Croft, don’t get why it should. both male and female, and middle Now I have nothing against wom- ing industry, the main off enders were perhaps the fi rst mainstream female Yet this still doesn’t deal with a very aged couples all there to check out en doing this for their profession. not really development companies. gaming protagonist are a rather du- diff erent issue. Are girls welcomed as some games. Maybe some of the girls It’s more about how it labels the en- I’m not going to name any names, bious tale. Maybe it’s just an urban gamers? Th ere are countless stories of were dragged along by their partner tire idea of computer games. “Video but only one game booth had booth myth, but apparently Lara’s most women getting a hard time on online or friendship group, but still perhaps games are for men. Men like scantily babes. Mostly it was supplementary prominent features is the result of one services like Xbox Live. A game of it’s a sign that attitudes to gaming are clad women. Hire women to advertise companies. Companies that sell prod- of the developers playing around with Call of Duty with a bunch of drunken changing. And then something hap- games.” Most of all it’s a lazy and terri- ucts involved in gaming, but not nec- the character model, giggling at the guys, when suddenly a girl appears on pened. Booth Babes. If you’ve never ble advertising ploy. Moreover though essarily only for gaming. I think most results and deciding to make that the the voice chat. Oh my god an actual heard of that term, it is infamously it just tells every woman attending developers understand that girls can fi nal design of the character. Female girl!! Th en she has to suff er the entire attached to gaming expos, describing these expos that they are not welcome and do like games, and if they don’t characters in gaming were rife with game getting hit on and abused by a a woman paid to stand next a gaming – “Girls, we don’t give a shit if you like make female characters that are ab- perhaps derogatory stereotypes that bunch of idiots whilst all she wants to booth wearing very little. Her entire games; we don’t care if you came here surd and sexist, girls might play them. probably put many girls off gaming. do is shoot a few people like everyone purpose is to lure men to come over to try out the Wii U or maybe play the Maybe I am just wrong. Maybe In the world of RPGs the male char- else there. Recently I went to the Eu- to the booth and play the game she new Halo, this event is not for you. there is something I’m missing about acters had the big swords (Freudian rogamer Expo like Ross, the Games is advertising. Eurogamer has since Go home and watch Sex and the City. why gaming is so male dominated; maybe??) whilst the female characters Editor, who wrote about it a few apologised for the signifi cant pres- Th is place is for guys. Not just guys. if so, let me know. However, regard- were weak and squishy casting spells weeks ago. It’s my third expo and it ence of booth babes this year, saying Straight guys. Guys who like boobs less of that, the outward image needs safe in the knowledge that the big, seemed to me that this year had more they didn’t know any of the compa- and girls with QR codes on their hot to change. Purely from a marketing burly (if androgynous) men would female attendees than I’d seen previ- nies attending had hired any and will pants” (yes they really did have QR point of view surely making over 50% protect them. ously. Women dressed up as video- not let any companies do such next codes on their hot pants). of the population feel unwelcome in I’d like to think that over the last game characters, groups of friends, year. To be fair to the majority of the gam- your industry is a damn stupid tactic. superscatman.deviantart.com Simulator Woes am going to keep this short: I’ve a massive pile of simulator games in the Felix offi ce that just beg to be played. There are classics such as Farming Simulator I spent hours looking for I2011: Platinum Edition, and the award-winning Farming Simulator 2011: Of- some good Lara/Alyx ‘fan- fi cial Add-On, as well as Ski Region Simulator (banned in all countries apart art’ pics, but came up short. from Wadiya) and Stone Quarry Simulator. I am going to play through these, but The things I do for you guys... I can’t bring myself to choose the order in which I play them. So, I’m opening up the vote to those that’ll actually read the article. Unfortunately, your parents were I now can’t help but feel I’m unavailable for contact, so I guess I’ll ask you guys instead. This week’s choices are: part of the problem. 1: Disaster Response Unit 2: Stone Quarry Simulator 3: Bus & Cable Car Simulator - San Francisco

I’ll do a paper review for Felix and I might even do a few video-reviews and put them up on Youtube. Email me at [email protected] with your vote!

Ross Webster Games Editor FRIDAY 19 OCTOBER 37

Games Editor: Ross Webster [email protected] GAMES OMG WTF FTL FTW Michael Barclay Captain Pilchard a rudimentary ship and a skeleton as you progress to more difficult crew, and are tasked to deliver vi- areas your enemies have all these tal information to the other side of capabilities too. It’s at these points When I first met the new Games a vast and random universe. Every that the game can become incred- Editor we both agreed that Felix time you ‘jump’ your ship from star ibly overwhelming, especially on needed reviews of proper main- system to star system, some com- the first few attempts. Often you’re stream games. Indie games are great pletely random event occurs. Maybe dealing with not only superior fire- fun and it’s fantastic how the games you find a shop to buy new weap- power, but boarding parties wreak- industry is moving in this direction. ons and crew for your ship. Maybe ing havoc in your ship and maybe a However, those triple-A £40 games it’s some friendly travellers who few fires to top it off. To succeed you are the bread and butter of most give you some fuel to help you on must learn to make use of the games people’s collections and what most your journey. More often than not pause function. At any point you people end up playing. But then I though, it’s a hostile ship that just can stop the action and issue sev- played FTL and decided to disregard wants to blow you out of the sky eral commands at once. Order one that entire conversation. and steal everything you’ve got. The crew member to repair the drone FTL: Faster Than Light is about as ship to ship combat is the meat of bay maybe? Target your weapons indie as it gets: made by a handful the game and boy it’s both incred- on the enemy’s O2 supply to suffo- of people and funded through the ibly good and really quite hard. As cate the crew? Maybe open an air- currently very popular Kickstarter with any good roguelike game, death lock to flush out the boarding party service. This game offers the closest is completely permanent. If you die, and that pesky fire? Of course when experience you’ll ever get to starring then everything you’ve achieved in the shit really hits the fan you can in your very own sci-fi, space-far- your journey is dust and you’re sent always shout, in your best Captain ing movie. If you’re as nerdy as me right back to the start of the game. Kirk impression, ‘Divert all power to (and this is Imperial so I reckon the It’s also here, where the sci-fi nerd in the engines!!’ and jump the hell out people less nerdy than me are in a me screams with glee (I hope you’re of there. However, due to the ran- minority) then you’ll love it. On the charging him for your services – dom nature of the game, you have game’s website this game is defined Games Ed). absolutely no idea what to expect af- as ‘Roguelike’ and if you weren’t a Once in battle, you have to man- ter that next jump. There have been gamer in the very early 80s you prob- age both the ship’s power consump- many situations where I’ve jumped ably have no idea what this means. tion and the actions of your crew. straight from the frying pan and into This genre, pioneered by the fantasy The weapons, shields, engines and a the fire. RPG Rogue, involves randomised variety of other systems have to be See, the games random component in an absolutely horrible battle, test- member. Also, I’m not a huge fan dungeons, and the rather mean con- powered to function and you gain is both its best feature and its worst. ing you in every way. However, at of the game’s crew-to-crew combat cept of ‘permadeath’; once you died bonuses when they are manned by a To win FTL, you must not rush and the end of the day, each time you hit when boarding enemy ships, or be- in Rogue, everything your character crew member. As you progress and should instead focus primarily on that ‘New Game’ button you know ing boarded yourself. These instanc- achieved is lost forever. It fell out unlock new weapons, systems, and preparing for the more difficult bat- it’s going to be a different adventure. es basically involve your crew and of fashion by the late 80s, although crew members, you realise how deep tles ahead. Sometimes you get lucky. As you get better and more experi- the enemy crew, being in the same influences of this genre still remain. the combat is. You can purchase a A few easy battles, a free weapon enced in the game, you’re rewarded room together, slowly picking away The Diablo series is famous for its drone bay and launch automated from a nice stranger and maybe a with new starting ships, making at each other’s health. The only real randomised environments and the drones to attack your enemies or couple of new crew members en- each new game even fresher. strategy seems to be to know when most recent instalment included the repair your ship. You could teleport able you to really improve your ships As far as true criticisms go, events to quickly move your crew to a dif- aptly named hardcore mode, bring- you crew into your enemy’s ship and performance. Other times you just that don’t involve combat can be a ferent room and it’s far less exciting ing permadeath back into the main- pick off the enemy one crew mem- jump into empty space, time and tad dull. Occasionally you’re asked that the true ship to ship combat. stream. ber at a time. Or maybe you prefer time again, gaining nothing and los- if you want to send some crew Each attempt at FTL is like its FTL is essentially a roguelike game buying a cloaking device and being ing fuel. Occasionally, the game can members down to a planet, or help own self-contained episode of Star in space. You, the player, start with almost impossible to hit. Of course just be incredibly unfair and pit you a trapped ship stuck in an asteroid Trek – just where more often than field. These events are just displayed not, everyone dies at the end. Also, in boxes of text with a random out- on that note, I’d recommend against come. You might gain naming your starting crew mem- something useful or bers. I named a female crew mem- suffer damage to ber after my girlfriend and she got your ship or even eaten by a giant spider after about lose a vital crew five minutes of playing. It was sad. Hat CChampions

Not everyone who reads Felix may be aware that there’s a major competitive side to Team Fortress 2 a.k.a. Hat Fortress 2. Well, there is. Earlier this week, the team sign-ups for Season 13 of the European Team Fortress 2 League opened up.

Hi, I just warped here and Ignore the ‘European’ part of the name – this league is the largest competitive this is crazy, but we’re being league in the world. Also, forget the madness that you find on public servers boarded... so drone bay maybe? – these games are for teams that communicate and coordinate their strategy, making for some amazing games.

There are divisions for all levels of play, so if you feel like gauging your skills against others, why not pop along to etf2l.org. Watch out for the Highlander game-type, as it’s great fun, even if you’re just a spectator. As per the High- lander motto of “There can only be one”, the TF2 Highlander rules insist that within your team of 9 players, each one must be a different class. 38 FRIDAY 19 OCTOBER

Television Editor: Lucia Podhorska TELEVISION [email protected] The modern vamp tragedy Lucia Podhorska sinks her teeth into The Vampire Diaries

aving already re- on LOST) who tempted me. And viewed True Blood it is mostly Ian Somerhalder who and Buff y, it was has kept me coming back. Honly a matter of time At the beginning of the series, the before I shared with majority of the characters come you my thoughts on the current off as being typical vapid Ameri- number one (according to some) can teenagers and it takes a long vampire show on TV. time for some of them to develop. As with True Blood, Th e Vam- With the exception of Meredith pire Diaries is based on a series Grey on Grey’s Anatomy, for me of books. Written by L.J. Smith, Elena is the most annoying main the book series of the same name character in any of the shows I am focuses on the character of or- currently watching. I understand phaned Elena Gilbert (Nina Do- that it must be horribly diffi cult brev) from the fi ctional town of being loved by two gorgeous un- Mystic Falls, who falls in love with dead men, but honestly, woman, the vampire Stefan Salvatore (Paul have some self-respect and stop Wesley). To make things slightly acting like your whole life is one more complicated, Stefan’s older big sacrifi ce. Th ank God for Da- brother Damon (Ian Somerhalder) mon’s eyes, otherwise I would is also a vampire with his heart set have long since tuned out. Why The Bold and the Beautiful... on wreaking havoc in the small Elena doesn’t come to her senses revamped town and generally making Stefan and chooses Damon over Stefan is and Elena’s lives miserable. It’s not beyond me – the tortured vampire too long, however, before we see act is getting kind of old and isn’t the good guys and the bad vam- of fi lms and literature devoted to taken away, leaving behind crea- his softer side and – unsurpris- particularly attractive. pires is also something that is be- the subject. It’s therefore becom- tures that aren’t nearly as scary or ingly – a love triangle forms. As In terms of storyline, the makers ginning to get on my nerves. With ing increasingly diffi cult to fi nd a tragic as they should be. the show progresses, Mystic Falls of the show rely overly on over- so many threats fl ying around but show that brings something new I really do have a love/hate rela- also becomes host to other creepy dramatization and teenage angst. next to zero follow-through, the to the genre. It seems that the only tionship with TVD. On the one crawlies, ranging from witches to Maybe my age is simply starting to otherwise delightful character of thing that’s being done is to change hand, as is clear from this review, werewolves and ghosts. show or perhaps I am too cynical, Klaus lacks credibility and comes the mythology of vampires – spe- there are many things I don’t like I was initially sceptical about TVD, but there isn’t much in the show off more like a neutered puppy cifi cally their reaction to the sun about it. On the other hand, it is simply because I’ve put BTVS on a that I can relate to. While themes than the scariest vampire of all and whether or not it kills them. the kind of show that, once you pedestal and don’t think anything of love, hate, loss and revenge (to time. As a fan of the supernatural, this start, you do want to continue in the same category can ever be name but a few) are all tackled, Because of the general popular- really frustrates me, as authors watching it. Th e fi rst episode of as good. Th at being said, I almost they don’t really resonate and there ity of vampires as supernatural keep coming up with new ways of season 4 aired last week and once always get drawn into new vam- is no clear moral message behind creatures, as well as the fascina- having vampires walk in the sun things settle down a bit, I know it pire shows…In the case of TVD, it the stories. Th e constant negotia- tion with human/vampire rela- and their status of ‘creature of the will be on my list of series I need to was Ian Somerhalder (who I loved tions and re-negotiations between tionships, there is a vast amount night’ is slowly but surely being catch up on. FRIDAY 19 OCTOBER 39 Food Editors: Carol Ann Cheah, Sophia Goldberg, Yiango Mavrocostanti FOOD [email protected]

Mandarin Oriental Hyde Park Dinner 66 Knightsbridge SW1X 7LA The White Horse The food review Charles Betts Elizabeth Crow

Bond is back. The girls, In the northern corner of Parson’s the music, the martini’s, Heston you sell out Green stands the long established the awfully brilliant Fulham favourite, Th e White Horse. one-line quips (“Where Known for its unpretentious seasonal the hell have you been, menus, extensive drinks selection Bond?”… dramatic pause and reasonable prices. Its location … “Enjoying death”). makes this restaurant perfect for the And the cars. Nothing large proportion of Imperial Students beats an Aston Martin who live in or very close to Fulham. DB5. Aston Martin has Th ere are two main eating areas, the done so much to be cool, upstairs, in which you feel as though A very posh pub. darling to be sexy, so why did it Nelson could have plotted his defeat insist on producing the of the French over a cheeky pint, the Cygnet? A hideous, squashed-faced joke of a car. It’s not just Aston – luxury second (and my favourite), the down- mushy peas and hollandaise sauce is fantastic. Th e ever helpful waiters brands seem steadfast on cheapening their image at the moment; think of stairs conservatory, which has an in- (£11), you defi nitely get your money’s and waitresses will happily help you the Ferrari Store on Regent’s street, all those luxury brand high street col- timate feel, with candles set into the worth with this dish. I can also recom- tailor your drink to your meal (Th e laborations (Karl Lagerfeld and H&M, etc.). And, here’s the seamless link, exposed brick walls. mend the lamb shank and the sea bass White Horse also hold regular beer Heston Blumenthal with his ready meal collection at Waitrose. For around a I’ll start with the food, which is su- (but some dishes are meant for pay- and food matching lessons). How- fiver, you can buy his version of shepherd’s pie, chilli con carne, and prawn perb and excellent value for money, ing parents to treat the hardworking ever I can tell you more about the cocktail, which differ from other versions of the same dishes by, well, err, not Th e White Horse off ers a typical gas- sons or daughters to!). Th e puddings amazing wine selection, as a student much really except for the nicer packaging. tro pub menu, and is regularly changed also come in decent portions, enough their cheapest wine (at £3.70 a glass) Heston Blumenthal is a brilliant, brilliant chef. His one-star Michelin res- to suit what’s in season, from game to for two to share, and the cheese board is excellent value, very drinkable and taurant, Dinner, is superb. His Meat Fruit starter is at the same time fun, seasonal vegetables with the specials (including some excellently chosen a perfect accompaniment to the red different, delicious and memorable. The Broth of Lamb with Slow Cooked board updated even more frequently. cheeses) could easily be stretched to meat dishes (and the duck salad!). At Hen’s Egg divine, rich, with layers of flavour that surprise you with delight as My favourite dish over summer was three. Personally I cannot resist the the White Horse there is no concept each new one unfolds. He even makes chicken an interesting dish to eat, so the Seared Duck’s Breast Salad (£12). Chocolate, Almond Torte (£5) when of a cheap, bland, acidic ‘house’ wine. tender you could eat it with a spoon. His Tipsy Cake is hearty, wonderfully Th e breast was perfectly cooked, it’s on the menu. It is a classic example Having taken a complete wine buff on sweet and nostalgic. There’s even the élan of having your ice-cream made at crispy on the outside with a pink, ten- of a beautifully balanced, bitter, sweet a couple of occasions, I’m pretty sure the table with liquid nitrogen. This really is fantastic food. And for not much der centre and was accompanied by a pudding, and is complimented by you won’t be disappointed with the more than a meal at more buzzing but far less delicious joints like Le Caprice, delicious salad of green beans, grilled thick crème fraîche, the texture of the selection. Boisdale, and Daphnes – per head, with wine, you can have three courses for feta cheese, dressed mixed leaves, baby torte made more interesting by the use For me Th e White Horse is the per- around £80. The set-lunch menu is £36 for three courses – an absolute steal. new potatoes, sweet plum tomatoes of ground almonds instead of fl our. fect place both for a romantic meal or This simply makes Heston’s descent to pre-packed, just-pierce-the-trans- and beetroot. Th e saltiness of the feta At Th e White Horse there is no a relaxed dinner with friends, I’ve nev- parent-film-and-heat-in-the-microwave-for-4-minutes hell all the more dis- really complemented the sweetness of drinks menu, instead they have an A4 er come away feeling disappointed, appointing and shameful. Dinner by Heston is stupendous, like an Aston the beetroot, tomatoes and balsamic drinks book. Being, what feels like, the neither with the food nor the prices! Martin DB5, something that blurs the lines between practicality and art. But dressing. But don’t worry, this isn’t a only person at Imperial who doesn’t Th e atmosphere fuels conversation, just as much as Bond doesn’t belong in a Cygnet, Heston Blumenthal dishes place known for its poncy, complicat- drink beer, I cannot personally vouch and even if you’re talked out, you can do not belong on neon-lit supermarket shelves next to the Chinese meal box ed salads: a favourite of my boyfriend for Th e White Horse’s renowned beer always resort to people watching: Th e for four. His ready meals leave you shaken and stirred, but for all the wrong is the hearty portion of classic Brit- and ale selection (from £2.80 a pint), White Horse is normally full of ‘Tar- reasons. ish fi sh and chips, served with fresh but I have it on good authority that it quins’!

Yiango’s Coconut Cake Food: Passionate Food Editor Yiango Mavrocostanti about food?

Ingredients 1 cup fl our 1 cup semolina Keen on writing for us? Get in touch! 1 cup sugar Halloween’s 1 cup coconut coming up so if you 1 cup milk have a guide to cutting the perfect 6 tbsp ground fl ax seed 1 1/5 cup water 3 tsp baking powder 1/6 cup vanilla ex- pumpkin or you know some great tract 1 cup oil For the syrup: recipes that uses all those left over 1 cup sugar and water for about 7-8 minutes. Re- Now mix wet and dry ingredients 1 cup water move from the heat, add the lemon until they have just combined. Do pumpkins in Novemember – get in 1⁄2 tsp lemon and let it cool. not overmix. Bake until you insert touch! In a cup mix the fl axseed with the a toothpick in the centre and comes Procedure water and set aside. In a bowl mix out clean. Right after you remove the Lightly grease a 9-inch cake pan and all the dry ingredients and in a sepa- cake from the oven, pour the cold preheat the oven at 180 degrees. rate bowl mix all the wet ingredients syrup on it and then sprinkle some [email protected] Make the syrup by boiling the sugar (including the fl axseed mixture). more coconut. 40 FRIDAY 19 OCTOBER

Business Editor: Deepka Rana BUSINESS [email protected] Sillicon Valley, South Ken Serge Vasylechko explores the startup ecosystem at Imperial

wo weeks ago Imperial be something worth exploring. The saw the launch ICStart- concept has gained a lot of recent up - an initiative that popularity and is praised by govern- Taims to inspire a new ments, private corporations as well generation of student as social activists as a new type of entrepreneurs. It will act business altogether. Whilst still be- as a central hub for entrepreneurial ing for-profit, these businesses place news and events around college, the importance of social rather than connecting an otherwise disparate monetary profits at the very core of and rich ecosystem of societies and their business model. In essence, organizations that cater to Impe- their success is measured by social rial’s entrepreneurial talent. At the change. A notable sector for social core of the new framework lies an entrepreneurship is micro-finance, accelerator programme, ICStartup+, where special banks are setup to which will give students a chance give out loans to the poor at very to turn their ideas into successful low or no interest rates. Other ex- startups by providing support from amples include businesses that as- experienced entrepreneurs, finan- pire to transform education, health- ecosystem doesn’t end here. There Startup Weekend. The latter two in trate on sector specific issues. For cial backing and access to a newly care or environment. Imperial Hub, are many student run societies particular let their participants run example, OBR network, previously refurbished office space, secretly a branch of Student Hubs, is an or- which connect their members with wild with ideas to generate and test known as Oxford Biotechnology hidden in the upper floors of Beit. ganization that encourages student notable entrepreneurs and each business concepts in less than 48 Roundtable, has been tremendously Contrary to the common percep- social entrepreneurship here on other through networking sessions, hours. In November, there is also an successful with generation of mul- tion, Imperial has an extensive net- campus. So if you have a new social presentations and competitions. Im- annual entrepreneurship conference tiple leads for students interested work of organizations that spawn business idea, you could apply to perial Entrepreneurs is the largest and a trip to Silicon Valley in April. in innovation within biotechnology the field of enterpreneurship, which the programme and be offered up such society which offers a range of On top of that, there is a weekly sector. As a result of this we now could easily rival those of any UK to £15,000 in funding with a tailored challenging weekend competitions, “Startup Mondays” feature informal have Marblar - a startup that was or European university. Perhaps the mentorship programme alongside it such as the Appren- talks by London’s hottest startups jointly co-founded by students from most prominent one is Imperial In- to help your business grow. tice Challenge, followed by relaxed socials at East- Oxford and Imperial. Also part of novations - a technology transfer For those students who want to IC side Bar. the ICStartup+ accelerator, it has and investment company that com- try a route with more rigorous sup- Hack- Furthermore, if that seems not recently been featured in all major mercialises academic research at port, IED programme offers a great athon enough, you will find that Imperial tech publications around the world Imperial. To date, it has generated opportunity to work in a multi- and College Business School has a range such as Wired magazine, Scientific an impressive portfolio of around disciplinary and experienced of its own interesting clubs, such as American, MIT Tech Review and 70 high-tech startups that cover team. Developed by the Business Entrepreneurs Interactive, which New Scientist. almost every science, engineering School’s Entrepreneurship Hub, host a series of thematically driven The latest newcomer join the and healthcare discipline taught at a year-long programme brings speaker presentations, and Private ICStartup community is Mobile Imperial. Last year, Imperial Inno- together Imperial’s engineers, Equity and Venture Capital Club Technology Club. Born somewhere vations created an accelerator pro- business school MBAs and Roy- that focuses on the advanced topic in EEE department last year, its fo- gramme, called IDEA, that provided al College of Art designers to of raising money from VCs. In cus is on workshops and real world students with free mentorship and form startups that are fact, if you are interested in the projects for keen mobile app devel- financial support for web and mo- coached throughout latter, you’ll find that Andreas opers. Of course, we are yet to see bile businesses. In just 9 months, the the year in the lead Angelopoulos’ guest lectures what this will yield. Yet, with sup- programme has worked with over 15 up to a £10,000 in- series are simply invalu- port from ICStartup as the connect- student startups, many of which be- vestment compe- able for an in depth un- ing puzzle, I think the club is likely gun from an idea on a single sheet of tition. derstanding of this in- to bring a few success stories to our paper and have consequently grown Still, the va- dustry. At the same mini version of the valley here quite into early stage ventures. The initia- riety of Im- time, a number soon. tive now forms part of Startup+ ac- perial’s of newer clubs celerator that has expanded to focus start- have sprung beyond just web and mobile appli- up up at Impe- If you would like to keep cations, but also other sectors. Any rial that up-to-date with Imperial’s student with an idea or who would con- like to meet other likeminded peo- cen- startup community, or sim- ple can simply drop in to the work- ply want to find out more shops and start building a business about which events, com- around their College work. petitions or help is available Yet if you have a strong affin- – please visit: ity to startups that bring a www.icstartup.com. real change - social entre- preneurship may FRIDAY 19 OCTOBER 41

Coffee Break Boss: Matt Colvin [email protected] COFFEE BREAK ! How to... spend money HHOT!OT it back, relax, and raise your SHAQUILLE mug. If you’ve followed Cof- fee Break’s advice thus far, O’NEAL Syou’ve secured a £100,000 per year salary job – well done you! But how can you possibly spend that amount of wonga wisely? I’m not the fi rst and defi nitely won’t be the last to bemoan the current state of the economy. Spending those ICE CUBE’S hard-earned dollars is a risky business in this climate, but you can’t let it get ACTING you down! Handily this is where this week’s Coff ee Break comes in like a CAREER shot of caff eine to a lethargic cat. Pe- ruse the following option and you’ll be living the life of luxury, but not at the expense of your Swiss bank account overdraft! SAFELY

INVEST IN A SHED JUMPING Spacious. Wooden. Storage. All in- spiring words. Inspiring, much like a FROM THINGS shed. But this purchase is simply not for your spare lawnmowers or jacuzzi area, but is instead a future invest- ment, much like a car or a bottle of WKD. Sheds are going to be hot in about ten years time. Believe it. Buy WIRELESS it. Brush it (with wood varnish, pref- It’s like my business TELEGRAPHY erably). advice writes itself... Nothing to lose folks, except your shed credentials. Th e Business section should defi nitely just be printing this every week in lieu of their usual con- tent, just saying. I have the acumen of HATERS Branson and the charm of Sugar.

ED MILIBAND HOLDS... WANT TO WRITE FOR FELIX? (IT’S REALLY EASY. REALLY.) EVERYONE TALKING ABOUT #2 BORIS JOHNSON DROPBOX (i.e. TECH EDITOR JASON PARMAR) NNOT! YES! NO! OT!

COOL! TWITTER HIGHLIGHT OF THE WEEK Email [email protected] No, no, no – thank you / visit the Felix Offi ce in Craig David @CraigDavid Craig. After all, from the West Basement of Beit where else would we Thank you 4 all the continued love U show me have gained the knowl- / come to our ‘Meet the edge of how to properly Editors’ meeting next week 4 my music, especially Born To Do It! This gets rendevous? Or the correct sequence of the days of (TBA – visit facebook.com/ me super excited about my new album next the week? Craig David for feliximperial to keep up to COOL! year! an OBE. #fillmein date!) 42 FRIDAY 19 OCTOBER

HANGMAN [email protected]

twatter Internshit

Wizard_of_Ozborne Mickey Luff‘s guide to internship applications

Ah, again we reach the sulting students on campus for be- ing acronyms that contribute noth- GUYS! GUUUYYYYYSSS! Just season where penulti- ing from other parts of the world, ing of worth, doing anything in his had the best idea ever. I think I mate year students shit stop being a xenophobic twat power to make you look like a right know how to save our economy. themselves thinking for just one second and go make nob. Shit, only fi ve minutes left, NOT_A_SAD_Cleggmanxxx about how they’re going friends with some. If Th e Dark better shank Megacunt in the face t o spend their next 40 years, Knight has taught us anything, it’s so you can get a word in edgeways. as the companies recruiting for in- that Mr Lau is good with calcula- Th at’ll show the HR folk that you’re ternshits next year open their ap- tion. In all honesty if you’re reading “assertive”, “keen to take initiative” Are you still going on about using a plications. Well, actually, most of Hangman for advice on applica- and “a whole bag of crazy”. Just the tardis to steal oil from the daleks? the good ones opened (and closed) tions, the odds are you’re probably sort of bright young person they’re several weeks ago – anyone with not the sort of candidate they’re looking for. Wizard_of_Ozborne sense will have applied ages ago, looking for, so you should seriously and those that haven’t are probably consider paying someone to do this Well done fucked by now anyway, so might part for you. Th row them £5 and a Well done you. You got the intern- actually learn something useful calculator, run off to the library toi- ship! But wait, now you actually No, it’s way better than that. We rob from this helpful little guide. let to bash one out. It’s unlikely that have to put in time and eff ort to a bank! you’ll make it as far as an assess- convince them that you’re worth a Cameron_DA_Maneron!!! Application forms ment centre, and even less likely spot on their grad scheme. It’s about It’s 6 pm, university is over, it’s that they’ll bother to re-test you if now you’ll realise that this isn’t re- just you, your desk and your lap- you make it there. No wonder the ally what you want to be doing with top. And YouPorn. But whoa economy is in fucking tatters. your time. You want to be stretched Fuck. Why did we never think of this there, don’t spank the monkey out on Koh Phangan, with a spliff before? just yet, because there’s applying Interviews in hand and sexual delights galore. to be done. Th e initial application If you’ve made it this far then I can Instead you’ll be sporting an inner NOT_A_SAD_Cleggmanxxx is pretty straight forward: since no longer guide you. In this world city tan, struggling to fi nd the time you’re at a “target” university, all it’s all about who you know. Or to fi t in as much as a power walk, you really have to do is spell your blow. I managed to blow my way and snorting shit coke laced with name right, and you’ll probably get into a job without an interview. Daz and pubes (anyone remember Possibly because we’re not as stu- swept into the next round of ap- Unless you fancy genital breath for those weird Daz challenge ads, just pendously retarded as George? plications. Some companies might an indefi nite period I suggest you a side note). Hope isn’t completely ask you why you want to work just get good at feigning competen- lost though, you could always kill Cameron_DA_Maneron!!! there. You should probably avoid cies. Assessment centres are pretty two birds with one stone by be- any references to ‘snorting coke off straight forward, usually consisting coming Walter White in Breaking a hooker’s arse at 4 am on a Tues- of a group exercise, case study and Bad. Ditch the shitty job and cook But what if it’s so stupendously re- day’. Instead try ‘sniffi ng mandy off interview. For the group exercise, up some better drugs in the pro- tarded that it’s actually genius? Jimmy Savile on a Sunday’. you’ll likely run into Hugo, head cess. You’ll own a nice car, and all of the investment society, sporting the while you’ll avoid paying any Wizard_of_Ozborne Psychometric testing his dad’s suit and a smug grin that tax. Not so diff erent from a job in White men can’t jump. White men screams ‘massive twat’. He’ll be nice the city, really, only now it’s some also can’t handle online numerical in the foyer, but once in the arena other fucker sniffi ng the pubey There is a barclays just around the reasoning tests. So instead of in- he’ll morph into Megacunt, spout- coke. corner from my house. Meet at mine say two o’clock? willyoujoinmymiliband? the turnip I’ve got grenades! I’m going to bring grenades :D Hangman’s Finest College News Source Cameron_DA_Maneron Federer calm over death threat Grenade a hostage every half an by Hugh Moor hour until they open the vaults yeah? Following the news that he received a and rise, phoenix-like, from the ashes, NOT_A_SAD_Cleggmanxxx death threat on social networking site allowing play to continue. Th e Wim- Facebook, tennis player Roger Federer bledon champion, who metaphorically So you’re going to steal money is reportedly relaxed about the situa- rose from the ashes earlier in the year Federer circa 1920 from a British bank...to save the tion and has revealed that he is, in fact, to reclaim the world number one spot British economy? immortal. “Whilst it has become clear and break Pete Sampras’ all time record in recent years that Federer was actual- for weeks at number one, literally rises the neck” nothing worse than his re- ly mortal on the court, off it he remains from them about once every 90 years. incarnation would occur. Th e revela- Cameron_DA_Maneron!!! as imperishable as ever” stated former Federer, whose excellent forehand, tion only increased praise for the man world number one John McEnroe. perfect movement, precision timing some have claimed is the greatest of all Tournament organisers at the Shanghai and invincibility have all contributed time, “It’s amazing to see the guy’s lon- It’s a victimless crime Cleggman. A Masters were initially concerned, but to his amassing 17 Grand Slam titles, gevity. I mean sure, Jimmy [Connors], victimless crime. the world number one was able to as- assured fans and the media at a press Ivan [Lendl] and I were playing for long sure them that, should he come under conference that if he were somehow to time” continued McEnroe “but he’s go- deadly attack, he would burst into fl ame be “like shot in the head or stabbed in ing to be around forever”. FRIDAY 19 OCTOBER 43

[email protected] HANGMAN

Drunk mate THE NEWS WITHOUT THE NEWS of the week

After frantic search in garden, dog admits I opened my mouth, but he still went to shoot in the eye bone may be buried Got a photo of someone being a waste of a student loan? Get permission, then just send it to us at: [email protected] elsewhere

H... then the O, then the... screw it: horoscopes CANCER TAURUS GEMINI VIRGO ARIES LEO

This week you fl y 24 miles This week you put an LSD- This week a guy messages This week you lament the fact This week you stay over at This week you lose a bet above the earth riding a uni- laced sugar cube in your you saying that he saw your you didn’t get laid in fresher’s a friend’s house and sleep- and have to decide between corn and jump from its back, personal tutor’s tea for lolz. profile on the sci-fi face- fortnight; not even a drunken walk into her parents’ bed. drinking a poo smoothie or a with no oxygen supply and no He discovers a cure for can- book group and he loves fumble in the disabled toilets You wake up confused and cum milkshake. You weigh parachute, wearing only your cer in his elevated state of sci-fi too and is looking to in Metric. Two whole weeks wearing a strap-on, and start up the pro’s and con’s: on the rave shades. As you land safely mind and wins the Nobel meet up with like-minded of opportunity to fi nally lose apologising profusely. But one hand, the poo smoothie on your feet, you reckon you’ve Prize, but you get kicked out people so would you like to your virginity and you still they say there is no need to has a lower calorifi c content trumped Baumgartner, but you of uni for poisoning a supe- go for a drink with him? You have less experience than a apologise, they had a great but on the other, the milk- get arrested for public indecen- rior. You ask him for a refer- say no and go back and go neutered cat. Oh well, there’s time last night ;-) You will nev- shake has a smoother, more cy and everyone laughs at how ence before you leave but he back to playing World of always next year – welcome er be able to look your friend homogenous texture. What’s silly your penis looked in freefall. just sits there looking smug. Warcraft. to Imperial. in the eye again. it going to be? CAPRICORN SAGITTARIUS AQUARIUS SCORPIO PISCES LIBRA

This week you sign up for This week you’re on a date with This week you’re getting This week, you’re sat in your This week you’re walking This week your OkCupid ac- OkCupid, and get matched your personal tutor’s husband. touched up in Pizza Express personal tutor’s offi ce organ- through a door in a building. count is buzzing with mes- with your personal tutor’s It’s all going really well, he’s fun- by your Personal Tutor’s hus- ising being able to take a You step back to let a fresher sages, all from spouses of ac- husband. While thinking ny, charming and good look- band, and frankly you’re loving deferred year from studies walk through fi rst because cademics in your department. about what to do, you look ing. You begin to see your per- it. On the one hand, you can due to having missed fi nal you’re feeling nice, and the Turns out they have a subred- down at your chest, where sonal tutor in a new light, she kiss goodbye to being able to exams because of a case of fresher lets the door slam dit called r/ICfreshersnatch luckily you got YOLO tat- must be an amazing woman look your tutor in the eye ever gonorrhoea. In an attempt shut. This isn’t a joke, this with links to blurry pictures tooed upside down. Inspired to snare such a catch of man. again, but in the other hand to make you feel better, happened to me and if an- from what appears to be a hid- by your inked bon-mot, you This train of thought it interrupt- you may never get this close to your tutor confi des that she other fresher shows bad door den camera. You set up an ac- message him and arrange a ed by her husband placing his some 50 Shades of Grey action too has had to overcome it. etiquette then I am going to count called YOLOgrrrll1994 date. hand on your thigh. with a professor-fucker again. AWKWARD. cut them. and buy a webcam. 44 FRIDAY 19 OCTOBER Puzzles Commanders: Sotirios Karamitsos, PUZZLES Louisa Byrne [email protected] Crossword Licenced to kill?

1 2 345678                          Netflix is the world’s leading in-                ternet subscription service which  gives you access to hundreds of 9  thousands of films and TV series  at the click of a button and they’ve  given us 2 six month subscriptions 10 11  per week to give away to the lucky  winners who successfully com- plete the most puzzles correctly.   Send your answers to puzzles.fe- 12 13 14 15 16  [email protected] to be in with a  chance of winning. 17  Visit netflix.com/uk for more in- formation 18 19   Last week’s crossword: 

20 21 22 23   24  25 26 27 28 29 30 

Fill in the boxes according to the numbers. The numbers at the sides show 31 32 how many blocks need to be fi lled in on that row or column, and how long the blocks are. Simple!

ACROSS DOWN 1. Eldritch deity 1. Christian clerical robe Slitherlink 3 2 11 5. Trench, defensive fi ghting position 2. Topology studies objects invariant under 9. Sleepwalking this 2 1 0 10. Member of the University of Oxford 3. Muslim warrior champion Despite my attempts to introduce new kinds of 11. Fruit garden 4. Another name for Scotland puzzles that only I care about, your favourite num- 2 303 12. City in Minoic Crete 5. ... tubes: connect ovaries to uterus ber logic puzzle is here to stay. 15. Flew too close to the Sun 6. Government by foreigners Your goal is to make a single loop by joining the 0 2 2 18. Suffering from Hansen’s disease 7. Drama accompanied by music dots so that numbered squares are surrounded by 19. A beard style; a type of brown (3,4) 8. Purposefully obfuscate the corresponding number of lines (e.g. a square 3 2 12 20. Animal’s hideout 13. Divine by means of crystal ball numbered ‘1’ can only have one line on one of its 21. American songwriter 14. Shrewd sides). 2 0 33 23. Latin random number generator 16. Containing carbamide As usual, send comments/complaints that the 25. Former name of East Midlands Airport 17. Coffee; island of Indonesia puzzles are too hard/complaints that the puzzles 3 26. Vedic god of fi re 20. A type of fabric are too easy/complaints that the layout is an eye- 28. NATO’s ’T’ 22. Proof of innocence sore/solutions to [email protected]. 3123 1 31. Study of coins 24. Genus with only Great Bustard in it 32. Rock containing precious metals 27. State in India 1 2 29. Prefi x meaning “new” 30. Commemorative lyric poem 1 2 1 3

Last week’s Slitherlink and Kakuro Knights and Knaves Four inhabitants of the island of Knights and Knaves (where Knights always tell the truth and Knaves always lie) that know each other are shown two white hats and three black hats. They stand in a line so that Andy can see Bob, Chris and Dan, Bob can see Chris and Dan, Chris can see Dan, and Dan can see no-one. They each put on one hat without looking at it, and they are asked what colour hat they’re wearing:

Andy: I don’t know. Bob: Yes you do. I’m wearing a black hat, by the way. Hey Dan, you’re wearing black. Chris: Hey, Andy’s not lying. I don’t know what I’m wearing either. Dan: Yes you do. Come on, Andy’s a knave, for crying out loud. What are they wearing? Who’s a knight and who’s a knave?

Solution to last week’s Knights and Knaves puzzle: Andrew and Bartholomew are accusing each other of lying. That means that exactly one of them is a knave. However, Curtis says that both of them are knaves. Thus, he’s lying. Since he also accuses Andrew, Andrew is innocent. Since Andrew said he was innocent, he’s a knight (and Bartholomew is a knave). Finally, Andrew says that both Bartholomew and Curtis confessed to stealing, but they’re knaves, so they lied. In con- clusion, none of the three men stole the horse. VVotingoting closescloses ttueue 2233 ooctoberctober CCHANGEHANGE IIt’st’s timetime toto electelect YYOUROUR yyourour sstudenttudent rrepep CCOURSEOURSE imperialcollegeunion.org/elections CAREERS CFIMPERIALFAIR COLLEGE2012 U Wednesday 31 October 2012 11:00 - 16:00 / Queen’s Lawn / Imperial College London / South Kensington The annual Union Careers Fair is the largest careers event held in College each year. With over 70 companies attending, the fair is your opportunity to meet the many different companies that want you, an Imperial graduate, to work for them!

2020 Delivery CareerPlayer Gallup Lloyds Banking Group Banking ACCA Careers Advisory Service General Electric London Business School Rolls - Royce Accenture CHP Consulting Glencore UK Ltd Macquarie Group RWE npower Aetha Consulting Limited CIMA - Chartered Institute of Graduate Recruitment Bureau Madallia Schlumberger Business Allen & Overy LLP Management Accountants Halma Plc Management Solutions Consulting Amadeus Citi HSBC McKinsey and Company Societe Generale ATASS Sports Commerzbank AG IBM Metaswitch Networks Standard Chartered Atos Conversocial (UK) Ltd ICAEW Milkround Standard Life AXA CTC London Limited ifuture education NYSE EURONEXT TARGETjobs BAE Systems Detica Deloitte IMC Financial Markets Oliver Wyman Teach First Bank of America Merrill Lynch Deutsche Bank IMS Consulting Group Operis Towers Watson Barclays Direct Line Group Inside Careers PA Consulting Group UBS Bloomberg EMC Corporation International Financial Data PriceWaterHouseCoopers Unilever Bristows Ernst & Young LLP Services Proctor & Gamble Wolverine Trading UK, Ltd BT FDM L.E.K. Consulting LLP RateMyPlacement Cambridge Networks Ltd FTI Consulting LIDL Ltd RBS Markets & International

imperialcollegeunion.org/careersfair 46 FRIDAY 19 OCTOBER

Sport Editors: Oli Benton, SPORT Sorcha Cotter, Margot Pikovsky [email protected] Becoming Ironman: Part 2

Sports Writer little bells that they were ringing as on each lap to denote where you’d Ned Yoxall loud as they could. You can say what got to on the course. Th e band sys- you like about the Welsh, but they do tem might seem lovely to organisers, On race morning I got out of bed just love to see people doing silly things, but from a slow kid’s (i.e. my) point of after 4 and gorged myself on porridge even if it’s early on a Sunday morning. view, it was cruelty. When I was on my and muesli. It’s an odd feeling waking Th e cycle was a two lap course - one fi rst lap, plenty of the quick kids had up so early knowing that you’re going big one of about seventy miles, and got their last band. Th e envy was pal- to spend an entire day exercising. Al- then a smaller loop of part of that pable as people in my position glared most all of it will be uncomfortable (as course to make up the rest of the dis- longingly at the arms of those who in you’d kind of like to do something tance. Unfortunately, the only part were further up the fi eld. else instead) and a good chunk of it of the course that was even a teensy My fi rst lap went well, and I was will be really painful (as in you’d really bit fl at was the bit that we only did comfortably ticking over at just under like to be doing something else). once. Th ere was 2400m of ascent in 8 minutes per mile. On the second lap Th e race started at 7am, and I spent total. Silver lining? 2400m of descent! though, things nosedived and they the fi nal 10 minute countdown in a Th e miles passed by slowly, and I was didn’t recover. My stomach started numb daze. Pretty much the sole focus managing to hold a fairly steady speed to feel incredibly uncomfortable and of my life for half a year had been to of 16 mph. Everything seemed to be within a couple of miles I had to dive get ready for that moment. Th e beach going well, until the weather turned. into the nearest portaloo. I thought shelved quite sharply so within a cou- First it started drizzling, and then it this might improve matters, but there ple of paces I was out of my depth. started chucking it down. Not only did was no let up. Eating and drinking Don’t be under any impression that I’d this drive many of the people that had only made things worse, so for the started swimming though - there were been lining the route and doing such a last 30km or so of the run, no food or far too many people for that! Th e sea good job of shouting support/obsceni- drink passed my lips as I just couldn’t had become a maelstrom of hands and ties at us inside, it also meant that we keep it down. By the third and fourth legs and it would have been crazy to had to really slow down on the de- laps, without going into too much put your head under water lest it be scents. I passed quite a few people who detail, my digestive system had com- smacked by a fl ailing limb. had come off on the winding roads pletely shut down and it felt less like After a couple of hundred metres and lost a lot of skin, or worse, broken I was running a marathon than I was though, the fi eld stretched out and I their collarbones. It had turned from desperately running from one porta- could fi nd my stroke. With 1500 oth- a nice ride in beautiful countryside to loo to the next. Th ese last three hours Britain’s next top er people around it feels like you’re a grim and cold survival exercise. Th e of the race were the least comfortable model? swimming downstream in a river, so survival element was amplifi ed by 3 of my entire life. It felt like my stom- the two lap course seemed to fl y by. I punctures in the last 20km (damn you ach was turning inside out, and I really was surprised to get out of the water thin race tyres) which left me shiver- can’t explain how I’d ended up in that in just over an hour - over 15 minutes ing so violently that I couldn’t keep my state. could do was keep trudging on know- asked if I wanted to receive any medi- quicker than I’d ever managed in the front wheel straight. Support from the all sorts of sources ing that each step brought me closer cal attention. All I wanted was to be pool - and not really feeling any worse Having lost a fair bit of time with was really what kept me going. Short to the end. I’d had my running gear able to drink something after such for wear. 2.4 miles down, 138.2 to go all the tube changing faff I was keen chats with other competitors, the printed up with the CF Trust logo. a long time without hydration, and I and the warm glow of never having to to get on with the running so that I’d crowds in Tenby itself (especially out- Th e real high point of every lap was tentatively sipped the drinks I’d been swim again radiating through me. be able to get to the end and therefore side the pubs as the night came in), passing a family who clearly had some given. Th ere was as much a feeling of We then had to run up the cliff and never have to exercise again. Th e run seeing my family and friends - these connection with the charity. Th ey had relief as there was of achievement. through the town to our bikes which course was a 4 lap aff air, and consisted were all vital distractions from the a little daughter who must’ve been So, was it all worth it? Well, from a were about 1km away. Th e noise was of about 4km up a big hill, 4km back pain. I had expected pain, but not in 6 or 7, and every time I’d come past sponsorship point of view, a resound- incredible. People were lining the down it, and then another 2km wig- this form - I’d imagined that my mus- she’d scream “keep going Mr. Cystic ing yes. I hope to raise a bit more street 2 or 3 deep on both sides of the gling around the streets of Tenby. You cles would be screaming at me by this Fibrosis!” and, like so many of the kids through a video made from various road and it seemed like all of them had were given a diff erent coloured band stage, but it really wasn’t the case. All I around the course, put her hand out footage taken by my family and I on for a sweaty high fi ve. Th eir parents the day. From a personal point of view, would often thank you as if you’d done I’m glad I’ve done it. Would I do it winner? (6) them a massive favour, not realising again? No. Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy Cryptic crossword 19. Trigonometric function of time has how much of a benefi t it was provid- being fi t and regular exercise, but the 12 3 45 67 8 value (4) ing us athletes as a distraction! amount of exercise required seriously 9 21. Sulphur contained in toxic distribu- By the time I picked up the pink and restricts the rest of your life. You can’t

10 11 tion? (7) fi nal band, I was broken. Everything drink. You’re often tired and grumpy. 22. Originally Marilyn came from Roman hurt, and taking into account portaloo You can’t even spend weekends with ruins (5) breaks my pace had dropped to well your partner because you’re off on a 12 13 23. Disfigured Marine met us and was over 11 minutes per mile. At the fi n- long bike ride/run and then you feel impossible to measure (11) ishing line they have a big red carpet knackered when you get back. You 14 15 25. Examine part of testicle (4) that you run up and under an arch with don’t have any fl exibility to make the 16 17 26. Thirst quencher? Sounds like a Royal enormous crowds lining the street. I’d most of the other things in life, and 18 19 Park has a limited supply (9) like to have sucked up the atmosphere unless your absolute passion in life

20 more than I did, but I was in such a is being as fi t as you can, for me it’s a

21 22 Down daze that it seemed over in a fl ash. As trade I was only willing to make for a 2. Lose possession of small pie (8) I came under the arch, I just managed short time. Th ere is a residual glow, 3. Fluorine, mixed with arsenic, copper to take in the commentator saying though, in the back of my mind. I’m 23 24 and nitrogen creates energy (7,6) “Ned Yoxall, you are an Ironman!” All pretty proud to have fi nished some- 4. Independent study (3) of a sudden, it didn’t seem like such a thing that at fi rst glance seemed im- 25 26 5. Dry swallowing a coin - twelve is par- big deal and if anything I was a little possible, even if that’s not going to be ticularly common (1,4,1,5) embarrassed by the American-style my lifestyle forever. Across 12. Bottom-poke large water bird (5) 7. First-rate comic (5) brashness of it all. I managed to raise You can sponsor Ned online by visit- 1. Place filled with a key shows no sign of 13. None fail test - it’s a sign! (2,5) my arms and smile as I fi nished in 13 ing www.justgiving.com/NedsIronman life (5,4) 14. Animal is expensive, by the sound of hours and 46 minutes. I was quickly or by text through JustTextGiving by 6. He came first, having beheaded wom- it (4) bustled into a holding pen where I sending ‘IRON66 £(amount you’d like an (4) 15. Stroud destroyed by dynasty (6) was plied with recovery drinks, given to give)’ to 70070. Anything you can 10. Prepare Queen’s hair product (11) 18. Two pints given by ultimate scrabble Set by: Romandjul my fi nishers medal by the mayor and spare would be hugely appreciated! FRIDAY 19 OCTOBER 47

Sport Editors: Oli Benton, Sorcha Cotter, Margot Pikovsky SPORT [email protected] The Only Way Is IC Netball

Poppy Pinnock Netball 1s Captain capitalised on their centre and were their excitement going into the last ready to take another goal from Essex. quarter, but needed to ensure they On Wednesday the netball fi rst team Some brilliant defending ensured that kept their discipline and didn’t throw played Essex 1’s at home in Ethos to this was the case and IC scored an- the game away. Essex took their game kick off their BUCS season. With only other turnover. Harriet and Izzy start- up a notch and really gave a hard fi - 3 returning members no one was quite ed to work really well together and nal push. Some questionable umpir- sure how the team would perform under brought the aggression up enough just ing decisions saw the ball being taken match pressure and there were a lot of to stop Essex thinking they could push away from IC on a regular basis, but nerves before the fi rst whistle. around. Harriet was then claimed by this only spurred the girls on to work Th e match got off to a shaky start for the slippery corner, showing us just harder to ensure they secured the win. both teams with quite a lot of mistakes how fl exible she is by doing the splits. Th e game ended 18-15 to IC: Happy made on each side, but slowly as the A commotion around the defending 21st birthday Abi! teams found their feet goals started to be ‘D’ saw Toni Semmence knocked to ICUNC are undefeated so far this scored. Th e fi rst quarter was very close the fl oor and her game ended due to season with the 1’s, 2’s and 3’s all and ended 9-8 in IC’s favour but the a recovering ankle injury. Th e quarter bringing home a win. Th is year’s teams whole team knew they should be win- fi nished 10-8 still in Essex’s favour. have certainly gelled much better right ning, and winning by more. Th e second half saw Emily Rolfe from the off . With some quality train- In the second quarter the passing im- Debate raged about come on and make an immediate ing sessions in store and the possibility proved and with some great defence IC how good this shot is impact with some fantastic intercep- of some coaching from some England found more of a rhythm through the tions. IC were looking confi dent and netball players, I defi nitely don’t think court. Sophie Andrew was on form inter- the game was starting to look like it’s too early for the promotion calls to cepting passes in the circle and Sam Kil- Toni Semmence Netball Hon Sec and she still found the dedication to theirs. Some great defending from be thrown around. lick was starting to control the play well take her team all the way to Essex. Emma Dixon and Rebecca Tyne en- from the centre. At half time the score Th e fi rst quarter got off to a rocky sured that every rebound and loose was still close but IC was on the up. ICUNC 2’s kicked off the BUCS start, with a team who had never ball was ours. Th e slippery corner Results: In the third quarter something re- season with the dreaded game of Es- played together before. Essex looked decided taking Harriet wasn’t enough ally clicked with the IC team and they sex away. Inevitably it was diffi cult to like they wanted every ball much and Rebecca was soon on the fl oor not started to pull away. Th e Essex defence convince 7 players to come all the way more than we did and slowly started once, but twice. Great work around were marking the shooters very tightly to Essex, but with the help of 3 fresh- to pull away. Th e quarter ended 7-3 to the attacking ‘D’ by Abi Johnston Imperial 1s 39 in the circle but some lovely passes in ers and Harriet Rumgay who had been Essex. Still, even this wasn’t enough Hume and Sarah ensured that Izzy from Kirsty Roy and amazing shooting drafted up from the 4’s we were able to to dampen IC’s mood and with heads and Harriet could continue to score Essex 1s 25 by Tamar Loach gave IC the edge. set off with 8 players on board. held high we went out for the 2nd goal after goal. Fantastic marking of With a solid last quarter IC came away 3 hours later we arrived at Essex quarter ready to fi ght. Essex centre passes ensured IC were with a good win of 39-25 to start the sea- to play in the dark with a very good Essex had fi rst centre after the getting turnover after turnover and by son. Th e team holds a lot of promise so chance of rain, but this was not going break, but a fantastic interception by the end of the quarter we were leading Imperial 2s 18 hopefully there will be a lot more wins to to dishearten IC 2’s as it was captain, Sarah Simmonds turned the ball over 14-12…#suicidequarterwhat? come! Abi Johnston Hume’s, 21st birthday and went straight to a goal. IC then IC 2’s were struggling to contain Essex 2s 15 IC Hockey Men’s 2s show the Medics who’s Boss

Sports Writer Ben Bell unfortunately put the ball into his own good possession and build up play to net. fi nish the half 2-0 up. Th e second half IC continued to pile on the pressure started scrappily with IC perhaps a little With an impressive 3-1 pre-season throughout the half but it was by no complacent having ended the fi rst half victory over RUMS 2nd XI last week, IC means a one-sided match, ICSM look- with a comfortable lead. ICSM had their 2s arrived at Harlington keen to keep up ing particularly dangerous down their fi rst truly dominant period of the game, the high standard of hockey and register right hand side with some excellent only some excellent last-ditch tackles a win in our fi rst competitive fi xture of stick skills from their right-back who from ‘Fresher’ Mikey in particular and the season. Having been defeated at the was a constant threat overlapping down some poor fi nishing on the part of the end of last season in a close-fought Var- the wing. However some solid defend- medics kept the IC goal untouched. De- sity match, we were wary of the threat ing, particularly from 2nd XI debu- spite the pressure it was IC who again posed by the ICSM 2s. tant Lars Mejnertsen who (fractured made the breakthrough, a well-worked After a rather longer than expected a thumb in the process) ensured that short corner led to a simple tap-in for warm-up while we waited for the um- the IC keeper remained untroubled. Fresher Mikey to make it 3-0 and soon Back row, 2nd from the pire to arrive, the match got underway As the second half drew to a close, the afterwards the victory was confi rmed by right. Blue steel. with both sides moving the ball around IC pressure began to tell with the game another goal from the very same man. well in midfi eld, though without posing increasingly played in the ICSM half. A Th e ICSM keeper made an excellent much threat to either goal. As the half series of short-corners led to two solid save but was helpless to prevent Fresh- diffi cult to decide which more surpris- particular weakness last season. Th e progressed, IC began to impose them- saves from the ICSM keeper denying er Mikey from scoring his third in two ing; the fact that he had tried to throw eff ort and intensity of the whole team selves on the game and after a period of the IC drag-fl icker CBE from a fi rst goal games – not a bad return from a defen- an aerial or that it had actually worked! was excellent throughout, and an ICSM possession managed to make the break- of the season, but IC would not be kept sive midfi elder! Either way, his arrogance on top of an- team that is always good going forwards through. A well worked long corner out for long. CBE dummied a drag-fl ick ICSM continued to press for a con- other solid performance at the back was was countered with a very good press routine delivered the ball to right back and slipped the ball left to Brickney solation goal, and it was only a magnifi - rewarded with a well-deserved Man-of- and good defensive work throughout BM-Briggs on the 25-yard line, who who struck a fi rm shot past the helpless cent save from the IC goalkeeper diving the-Match award. Th e match fi nished the team. IC will be hoping to build on fi red in a trademark hit into the crowd- ICSM keeper, courtesy of a slight defl ec- high to his right hand side that denied 4-0 to IC and while the scoreline was the unbeaten start to thie season and ed penalty area. Several IC forwards at- tion off a defenders stick. an excellent drag fl ick in the closing mo- not an adequate representation of what with the introduction of several promis- tempted to defl ect the delivery into the IC were not as dominant as they had ments of the game. Th e fi nal highlight was actually a very closely fought match, ing freshers into an already strong team, goal, however it was an ICSM defender been against RUMS the week before, of the game was an outrageous aerial IC will be delighted to have scored three it looks to be an exciting year ahead for who managed to get the fi nal touch and but crucially managed to capitalise on from the IC left-back Meatspin, it was goals from short-corners as this was a IC Hockey 2s! 19/10/12 Issue 1527 felixonline.co.uk

SPORT “Keep the Cat Free” ICUAFC’s Maraud into Europe

Jack Peacock Sports Writer moved onto the BMW museum be- fore deciding to sample Munich’s real IC football prepared for a Saturday selling point – beer gardens. Having morning 7am fl ight in the only way grown bored of using it in the usual it knew how: by consuming pint after old 2 person fashion it was time for pint in the Union on the last night of some freestyle bonging, with the Us- term. We hadn’t even left the Union ain Bong and the Culture Bong being before B-Eth-Eth (Milo McGrath) a few highlights. It should be noted at had fallen victim to one of Asterix’s this point that Fett-und-Kahl (Jonny (Charles Gassuer) concoctions. After Hill) decided to disappear for 40 fi nishing in the Union we all come minutes, managing to avoid beer and to the logical conclusion that it was spend some quality time with soli- much better to stay awake through taire on his phone. the night than let a hangover set in… At the hostel the triumphant Th e real fi rst match of tour was thrashing of Italy by Spain in the Euro played in London Victoria station 2012 fi nal was viewed before the night between American Psycho (Ben Al- descended into chaos in Munich’s drich) and whoever else could be Kultfabrik region, a place that pro- arsed. It happened to be a real cagey claims itself to be the ‘biggest party aff air, with neither team really look- zone in Europe’. It soon became clear ing to pounce on the opposition’s though that this was a lie. Brown 0.5 mistakes. Strangers would occasion- (James Brown) was particularly suc- Light blue is soo in this year. ally have complete disregard for the cessful with a lady on this night as a game and walk straight through it, result of shouting “FITTING HELL” before a member of the security team in the vague direction of large gangs politely asked us to stop, which we of women, thus proving the theory reluctantly did. With the energy of that if you throw enough shit at the amoebas we managed to make it into wall some of it will stick. Fett-und- squadron. Once we’d satisfi ed his ap- third and fourth goal were soon con- taking part that counts. Munich. B-eth-eth threw up on the Kahl can verify Brown 0.5’s romantic petite for craning, it was time to of- ceded. After a shot from an E-Garten Unfortunately, playing in the Great fl ight, purely due to his chronic travel activities. fer the lungs a little warm up too, and forward rebounded off the post it was Strahov stadium (capacity 240,000 – sickness and nothing to do with prior After taking a trip to the Allianz before long we felt ready to start the clear that Kony (Bolly), having dived fraction full 0%) was not enough to activities. Arena (the setting of Chelsea’s hero- game. to his left to try and save the shot, was inspire the tour team to victory the Th e fi rst day was spent in Munich’s ics in the Champion’s League just a We passed scruffi ly from the off . not going to get up. Unfortunately, ly- next. Another disappointing perfor- picturesque Englischer Garten and few weeks prior) we had our fi rst of- Th e selected starting eleven consist- ing face down in the goalmouth was mance led to a scoreline of 4-1, but some casual shirts vs skins action was fi cial game of football against FC E- ed of players from the 6’s through to not a strategy that stopped another E- not without its own notable mo- played out here before we headed Garten. Finding the ground proved a the 1’s and even a couple of Old boys. Gartner tapping in the rebound. ments… back to the hostel to begin the night’s real challenge for the otherwise very With none of us having played prop- Small consolation did come in the After being named ‘super-sub’ for activities. Tour matchbox began in capable and well organised Twat-Sec erly since the season fi nished last fi nal minutes though when Fett und coming on at centre back and imme- the hostel, this led to a casual descent (Giles Mann). Th e job was made all March, the team struggled to think Kahl played a delectable spread to diately conceding from a corner, Pop- into mayhem when all deaths were the easier when the entire team, fol- the same game and gel as a unit. A Gump (Chris Neilsen), who received, pins (Tim Smithy Beasley) redeemed punishable by beer bong. lowing behind him (Kony looking particularly tired Dry Nights (Jack went on a mazy run, beat multiple himself by playing a delicious ball Munich has a smorgasbord of tour- like a fi ctional character) resolved to Peacock) was getting uncharacteris- players and fi nally put it on a plate for over the top for Framp-stains (Pete isty things for IC football to wade shout continuously: “Giles, where are tically ragged at left back and FC E- club captain Fry-sexual (Tom Fryatt) Frampton) to run onto and slot it in around. Th e 1972 Olympic Park was we going?” Garten managed to fi nd some space to slot home. Despite the day’s losses, the back of the net. By contrast, Fat- the fi rst port of call on Sunday, and Looking dishevelled Poppins tried and capitalise when he was out of po- the last night in Munich descended thew (Matt Can) produced a piece of being of huge sentimental value the to psych us up for the game with sition for an earlier opener. into havoc. Kony introduced some football which defi ed belief and won beer bong had to come with. We a warm-up fi t for a Royal Marine Come half time E-Garten had man- primal box to the night’s delights him player of tour when he let the aged to net again and some substitu- with Dry Nights setting a new record ball through his legs, beat a man, then tions were needed. Among the squad for how long it took him to get put went on a 40 yard run down the left of 20 there were 5 keepers and this to bed. wing. Having put so much eff ort in to didn’t exactly lend itself to making Th e fi nal leg of tour was in Prague the prior 6 seconds he decided to end textbook substitutions, although on – a much more walkable city. On the run by falling over. the whole the keepers turned out to the way, Th e Airborne Rangers en- Nights 5, 6 & 7 descended into an- be a pleasant surprise: Framp-stains tertained themselves for the 7 hour archy, pandemonium and carnage re- (Pete Frampton) creating space and coach journey with nothing but a mi- spectively. Other highlights of Prague making some good runs up front; crophone and their own wit. included topping the world charts at Gollum (Dave Docherty) keeping the Th e fi rst night in Prague produced the self-service pub, the goddess of ball well in midfi eld. Letting the keep- an event of epic proportion: the im- the cave, silentbox and hat-gate. ers union down was Twat-Sec who promptu 3 hour IC football dance off . Th anks everyone for coming. A Football and a beerbong? had less than zero eff ect on the game. Debate still rages on about which side special thanks to Twat-Sec for or- Too much lad for one Sadly the theme of shabby football actually won but in my opinion when ganising everything, albeit at the last photo. continued throughout the game and a it comes to dance-off s it really is the minute. Send your match reports in to [email protected]