Dear Reader, This book was referenced in one of the 185 issues of 'The Builder' Magazine which was published between January 1915 and May 1930. To celebrate the centennial of this publication, the Pictoumasons website presents a complete set of indexed issues of the magazine. As far as the editor was able to, books which were suggested to the reader have been searched for on the internet and included in 'The Builder' library.' This is a book that was preserved for generations on library shelves before it was carefully scanned by one of several organizations as part of a project to make the world's books discoverable online. Wherever possible, the source and original scanner identification has been retained. Only blank pages have been removed and this header- page added. The original book has survived long enough for the copyright to expire and the book to enter the public domain. A public domain book is one that was never subject to copyright or whose legal copyright term has expired. Whether a book is in the public domain may vary country to country. Public domain books belong to the public and 'pictoumasons' makes no claim of ownership to any of the books in this library; we are merely their custodians. Often, marks, notations and other marginalia present in the original volume will appear in these files – a reminder of this book's long journey from the publisher to a library and finally to you. Since you are reading this book now, you can probably also keep a copy of it on your computer, so we ask you to Keep it legal. Whatever your use, remember that you are responsible for ensuring that what you are doing is legal. Do not assume that just because we believe a book to be in the public domain for users in Canada, that the work is also in the public domain for users in other countries. Whether a book is still in copyright varies from country to country. Please do not assume that a book's appearance in 'The Builder' library means it can be used in any manner anywhere in the world. Copyright infringement liability can be quite severe. The Webmaster SAM SLICK,

-r~ 4.) ~...."'"J:~ ,',.,'.... _ ••• _"a ...... - THE CLOCKMAKER.

THE SAYINGS AND DOINGS OF, SAMUEL SLICK, OF SLICKVILLE.

BY

THOMAS CHANDLER HALIBURTON.

NEW 'YORK: JOHN n. .AIJDEN, PUBLISHER. 1887. Digitized by Gqogle ...! •

CONTENTS . .. CHAPTER I. CHAPTER xvn. ' The Trotting Horse, - 5 IA Yankee Handle for a Halifax Blade, 89 CHAPTER n. CHAPTER XVIII. The Clockmaker, - 7 The Grahamite and the Irish Pilot. 42 CHAPTER UI. CHAPTER XIX. The Silent Girls, - 9 The Clockmaker Quilts a Bluenose, 45 CHAPTER IV. CHAPTER XX. Conversations at the River Philip, 10 Sister SaIl's Courtship, 47 CHAPTER V. CHAPTER XXI. , Justice Pettifog, - 12 Setting up for Governor, 50 CHAPTER VI. CHAPTER XXII. Anecdotes, 13 A Cure for Conceit, 54 CHAPTER VII. CHAPTER XXIII. Go Ahead, 14 The Blowin' Time, 56 CHAPTER VIII. CHAPTER XXIV. The Preacher that wandered from Father .John O'Shaughnessy, 59 his Text,- 16 CHAPTER XXV. CHAPTER IX. Taming a Shrew, - 62 Yankee Eating and Horse Feeding, 19 CHAPTER XXVI. CHAPTER X. The Minister's Horn Mug, 64 The Road to a Woman's Heart.• The Broken Heart, 21 CHAPTER XXVII. The White Nigger, 67 CHAPTER XI. Cumberland Oysters produce Melan- CHAPTER xxvni. choly Forebodings, 28 Fire in the Dairy, - 70 CHAPTER XII. CHAPTER XXIX. The American Eagle; - 26 A Body without a Head, 72 CHAPTER XIII. CHAPTER XXX. The Clockmaker's Opinion of Halifax, 29 A Tale of Bunker's Hill, 74 CHAPTER XIV. CHAPTER XXXI. Sayings and Doings in Cumberland, 32 Gulling a Bluenose, 77 CHAPTEn XV. .CHAPTER XXXII. The Dancing MasterAbroad, - ~4 Too many Irons in the Fire, - 79 CHAPTER XVI. CHAPTER XXXIII. Mr. Slick's Opinlon'of th" Britlsh, :m! Windsor and th" F~gWWbyGooglea~ • SAM SLICK, THE .CLOCKMAKER.

CHAPTER I. al, I looked again at him, to ascertain whether I had: ever seen him before, or . THE TROTTING HORSE. whether I had met with one of those name- less, but innumerable, limbs of the la.w I WAS always well mounted: I am fond who now flourish in- every district of tha' of a. horse, and always piqued myself on province. There was a keenness about having the fastest trotter in the province. his eye, and an acuteness of expression, 1 have made no great progress in the much in favor of the law; but the dre•• world; I feel doubly, therefore, the plea- and general bearing of the man mad. sure of not being surpassed on the road. against the supposition. His was not the I never feel so well or so cheerful as on coat of a man who can afford to wear an horseback, for there is something exhila- old coat, nor was it one of "Tempest and rating in quick motion; and, old as I am, .More's," that distinguish country lawy.ra I feel a pleasure in making any person from country boobies. His clothes w.r. whom I meet on the way put his borse to well made, and of good materials, bu. the full gallop, to keep pace with my trot looked as if their owner had shrunk a lit• ter. Poor Ethiop! you recollect him, how tle since they were made for him; they he was wont to lay back his ears on his hung somewhat loose on him. A large arched neck, and push away from all com- brooch, and some superfluous seals and .petition? He is done, poor fellow! the gold keys, which ornamented his outward spavin spoiled his speed.and he now roams man, looked ,. New England" like. A visit at large upon" my farm at Truro." Mo- to the States, had .perhaps, I thought, hawk never failed me till this summer. turned this Colchester beau into a Yanke. I pride myself- you may laugh at such fop. Of what consequence was it to me childish weakness in a man of my age- who he was? In either case I had nothing but still, I pride myself in taking the con- to do with him, and I desired neither his ceit out of coxcombs I meet on the road, acquaintance nor his company. Still I and on the ease with which I can leave a could not but. ask myself, Who can this fool behind, whose nonsense disturbs my man be? solitary musings. "I am not aware," said I, "that there On my last journey to Fort Lawrence, is a court sitting at this time ·at Cumber• as the beautiful vie.w of Colchester had land." just opened upon me, and as I was con- "Nor am I,." said myfriend. What, then, templating its richness and exquisite seen- could he have to do with the circuit? It ery, a tall thin man, with hollow cheeks occurred to me he must be a Methodis~ and bright, twinkling black eyes, on a preacher. 1 looked again, but his appear• good bay horse, somewhat out of condition, ance again puzzled me. His attire might overtook me, an-I (hawing up, said," I do, the color might be suitable.rthe broad guess you etartedcarly thts inorning, sir?" brim not out of place; but there was a. . "I did, sir," I replied, want of that staidness of look, that seri• "You did not c ime from Halifax, I pre- ousness .of countenance, that expression, sume, sir, did y

How ridiculous, I thought to myself, is Aye, there's the rub-a Yankee what' this; I will leave him. Turning towards Perhaps a half-bred puppy, half Yankee, him, I said I feared I should be late for half Bluenose. As there is noescape, I'll breakfast, and must therefore bid him try to make out my riding master. "Your good morning. Mohawk felt the pressure circuit?" said I, my looks expressing all of my knees, and away we went at a slap• the surprise they were capable of, "your ping pace. I congratulated myself on con• circuit, pray, what may that be ?" quering my own curiosity, and on avoiding "0," said he," the eastern circuit; I that of my travelling companion. This, I am on the eastern circuit, sir." said to myself, this is the value of a good "I, have heard," said I, feeling that I horse; I patted his neck; I felt proud of now had a lawyer to deal with, "that him. Presently I heard the steps of the there is a great deal of business on this unknown's horse-the clatter increased. circuit. Pray, are there 'many cases of im- Ah, my friendj thought I, It won't do; you portance ? " . should be we Imounted if you desire my "There is a pretty fair business to be company. I pushed Mohawk faster, faster, done, at least there has been, but the faster-eto-his best. He outdid himself; he cases are of no great value; we do not had never trotted so handsomely, so easi- make much of them, we get them up very ly, 80 well. . easy, but they don't bring much profit." , "I guess that is a pretty considerable What a beast, thought I, is this! and smart horse," said the stranger, as he what a curse to a conntry, to have such came beside me, and apparently reined in an unfeeling, pettifogging rascal practis• to prevent his horse passing me; "there is ing in it! a horse jockey, too-what a not, I reckon, so spry a'one 0,1 my circuit." finished character! I'll try him on that Circuit or no circuit, one thing was set• 'branch of his business. tled in my mind,-he was a Yankee, and "That is a superior animal you are a very impertinent Yankee too. Ifelt hum• mounted on," said I; "I seldom meet one bled, my pride was hurt, and Mohawk was that can travel with mine." beaten. To continue this trotting contest "Yes," said he coolly, "a considerable was humiliating; I yielded, therefore, be• fair traveller, and most particular good fore the victory was palpable, and pulled bottom." I hesitated; this man, who up. . talks with such unblushing effrontery of . "Yes," continued he, "a horse of pretty getting up cases, and making profit out of considerable good action, and a pretty them, cannot be offended at the question fair trotter too, I guess." Pride must have -yes, I will put it to him. a fall: I confess mine was prostrate in the "Do you feel an inclination to part dust. These words cut me to the heart. with him?" . What I is it come to this, poor Mohawk, "I never part with a horse, sir, that that you, the admiration of all but the en• suits me," said he. "I am fond of a vious, the great Mohawk, the standard by horse: I don't like to ride in the dust which all other horses are measured-trots after everyone I meet, and I allow no next to Mohawk, only yields to Mohawk, man to pass me but when I choose." Is it looks like Mohawk-that you are, after possible, I thought, that he can know me, all, only a counterfeit, and pronounced by -that he has heard of my foible, and is a straggling Yankee to be merely "a quizzing me? or have I this feeling in pretty fair trotter !" common with him? "If he was trained, I guess that he "But," continued I, "you might supply might be made to do a little more. Ex• yourself again." . cuse me, but if you divide your weight "Not on this circuit, I guess," said he, . between the knee and the stirrup, rather "nor yet in Campbell's circuit." most on the knee, and rise forward on the "Campbell's circuit-pray, sir, what is saddle, so as to leave a little daylight be• that?" . tween you and it, I hope I may never ride " That," said he, "is the western; and this circuit again, if you don't get a mile Lampton .rides the shore circuit; and as more an hour out of him." .. for the people on the shore, they know so What I not enough, I mentally groan• little of horses that, Lampton tells me, a ed, to have my horse beaten, but I must man from Aylesford once sold a hornless be told that I don't know how to ox there, whose tail he had cut and pdtt JUJU; and ~at! too, by a Yankee 1 nicked, for a horse of the Go~jat4breed."

Digitized by Google THE CLOCKMAKER. 7

"I should think," said I, "that Mr. I it is owing to the bank; and if he runs Lampton must have no lack of cases into debt and is sued, \"hy, he says the among such enlightened clients." lawyers are a curse to. the country. They "Clients, sirl" said my friend, "Mr. are a most idle set of folks, I tell you." Lampton is not a lawyer." "But how is it," said I, "that you man- "I beg pardon, I thought you said he age to sell such an immense number of rode the circuit." clocks, which certainly cannot be called " We can it a circuit," said the stranger, necessary articles, among a people with who seemed by no means flattered by the whom there seems to be so great a scar• mistake; "we divide the province, as in city of money?" .Mr. Slick paused, as if the almanac, into circuits, in each of considering the propriety of answering which we separately carryon our busi- the question, and looking me in the face, ness of manufacturing and selling clocks. said in a confidential tone,- There are few, I guess," said the clock- " Why, I don't care if I do tell you, for maker, "who go upon tick as much as we the market is glutted, and I shall quit do, who have so little use for lawyers; if this circuit. It is done by a knowledge of attorneys could wind a man up again, 80lt 8(1wder and human natur'. But here is after he has been fairly run down, I guess Deacon Flint's," said he; "I have but they'd be a pretty harmless sort of folks." one clock left, and I guess I will sell it to This explanation restored my good hu- him." mor, and as Icould not quit my compan- At the gate of a most comfortable look, ion, and he did not feel disposed to. leave ing farm-house stood Deacon Flint, a me, I made up my mind to travel with respectable old man, who had understood him to Fort Lawrence, the limit of his the value of time better than most of his circuit. neighbors, if one might judge from the appearance of everything about him. After the usual salutation, an invitation CHAPTER n. to "alight" was accepted by Mr. Slick, who said he wished to take leave of Mrs. THE CLOCKMAKEB. Flint before he left Colchester. . We had hardly entered the house, be• I !lAD heard of Yankee clock peddlers, fore the clockmaker pointed to the view tin peddlers, and Bible peddlers, espe• from the window, and, addressing him• cially of him who sold Polyglot Bibles (all self to me, said, " If I was to tell them in ·in ~ngli8h) to the amount of sixteen thou• Connecticut there was such a farm as this sand pounds. The house of every sub• away down east here in Nova Scotia, they stantial farmer had three substantial orna• wouldn't believe me. Why, there ain't ments: a wooden clock, a tin reflector, such a location in all New England. The and a Polyglot Bible. How is it that an deacon has a hundred acres of dyke"- American can sell his wares, at whatever "Seventy," said the deacon, "QDly sev- price he pleases, where a Bluenose would enty." . fail to make a sale at aU? I will inquire "Well, seventy; but then there is your of the clockmaker the secret of his sue- fhm deep bottom, why I could run a ram• cess. rod into it"- "What a pity it is, Mr. Slick,"-for " Interval, we call it," said the deacon, such was his name,-" what a pity it is," who though evidently pleased at this said I, "that you, who are so successful eulogism, seemed to wish she experiment in teaching these people the value of of the ramrod to be tried in the right clocks, could not also teach them the place. value of time." "Well, interval, if you please-e-though "I guess," said he, "they have got that Professor Eleazer Cumstick, in his work ring to grow on their horns yet, which on Ohio, calls them bottoms-is just as every four-year-old has in our country. good as dyke. Then there is that water We reckon hours and minutes to be dol• privilege, worth three or four thousand lars and cents. They do nothing in these dollars, twice as good as what Governor parts but eat, drink, smoke, sleep, ride Cass paid fifteen thousand dollars for. I about, lounge at taverns, make speeches wonder, deacon, you don't put up a card• at temperance meetings, and talk about ing mill on it; the same works would , House of Assembly.' If a man don't hoe carry a turning lathet a shingle mach in., hi. eorn, and he don't pt a crop, he says a circular alloW, il"ind Dark, and"-

Digiti_ed by ~ .. "'--..~-..... Google • SAM er.rox, "To. old," said the deacon, "too old in a proposal, when Mr. Flint returned f9r all those speculations" - . from giving his directions about the care " Old l " repeated the clockmaker, "not of the horses. The deacon praised the yeu; why you are worth half a dozen of clock!' he too thought it a handsome one}. the young men we see, nowadays; you are but t re deacon was a prudent man' he yQung enough to have "-here he said had a watch; he was sorry, but he had ne something; in a lower tone of voice, which occasion for a clock. I did not distinctly hear; but whatever it "I guess you're in the wrong fUlTOW Wai, the deacon was pleased; he smiled, this time, deacon, it ain't for sale," said 'and said he did not think of such things Mr. Slick; "and if it was, I reckon neigh• now.' • bor Steel's wife would have it, for she "But your beasts, dear me, your beasts gave me no peace about it." Mrs. Flint must be put iu and have a feed;" saying said that Mr. Steel had enough to do, poor which, he went out to order them to be man, to pay his interest, without buying taken to the stable. . clocks for his.wife. As the old gentleman closed the door "It is no consarn of mine," said Mr. after him, Mr. Slick drew near to me, and Slick, "as long as he pays me, what he laid in au undertone, "That is what I has to do; but I ~uess I don't want to sell call' 80ft sauider;' An Englishman would it,' and besides, It comes too high; that pass that man as a sheep passes a hog iua clock can't be made at Rhode Island pssture, without looking at him; or," under forty dollars. Why, it ain't possi.. said he, looking rather archly, "if he was ble," said' the clockmaker, in apparent mounted on a pretty smart horse, I guess surprise, looking at his watch, "why as he'd trot away, if he could. Now I find" I'm alive it is f011r0' clock, and if I have.. ""'-Herehis lecture on "soft sawder" was n't been two hours here. How on atrth cut short by the entrance of Mrs. Flint. shall I reach River Philip to-night? I'll "Jist come to say good-by, Mrs. Flint." tell you what, Mrs. Flint, I'll leave the " What, have you sold all your clocks? " clock in your care tilll return, on my way "Yes, and very low too, for money is to the States. I'll set it agoing, and put scarce, and I wish to close the consarn; it to the right time." no, I am wrong in saying all, for I have As. soon as this operation was per• just one left. Neighbor Steel's wife asked formed, he delivered the kef to. the dea• to have the refusal of it, but I guess I con with a sort of serio-comic injunction won't sell.it; I had but two of them, this to wind up the clock every Saturday night, one and the feller of it, that I sold Gov• which Mrs. Flint said she would take care ernor Lincoln. General Green, the secre• should be done, and promised to remind tary ofstate for Maine, said he'd give me her husband of it, in case he should .ftfty. dollars for this here one-it has chance to forget it. composition wheels and patent axles, is a " That, " said the clockmaker, as soon beautiful article, a real first chop, no mis• as we were mounted, " that I call' human take, genuine superfine-but I guess 10:11 natur'!' Now that clock is sold for fortY take it back; and besides, Squire Hawk dollars ; it cost me just six dollars and might think kinder hard that I did uot fifty cents. 'Mrs. Flint will never let Mrs. live him the offer." Steel have the refusal, nor will the deacon " Dear me!" said Mt'S. Flint, "I should learn until I call for the clock, that having . like to see it; where ill it ? " once indulged in the use of a superfluity, "It is in a chest of mine over the way, how difficult it is to give it up. We can at Tom Tape's store. I guess he can ship do without any article of luxury we have it on to Eastport." never had, but when once obtained, it is ~~That's a good man," said Mrs. Flint, not in ' human natur' , to surrender it vol• If JIst let's look at it." untarily, Of fifteen thousand sold by my• Mr. Slick, willing to oblige, yielded to self and partners in this province, twelve these entreaties, and soon produced the thousand were left in this manner, and clock-a gaudy, highly varnished, trum• only ten clocks were ever returned; when pery looking affair. He placed it on the we called for them they invariably bought chimney-piece, where its beauties were them. We trust to '150ft sawder' to get pointed out and duly appreciated by Mrs. -them into the house, and ' human natur' ' lJ'lint, whose admiration was about ending that they never come out of it."

I ./

'1;',,/, Digitized by Google THE CLOCKMAKER. • CHAPTER III. and churches until the railroads came o. the carpet; as soon as the novelty of the THE SILENT GIRLS. new preacher wears off we hire another, and that keeps up the steam." , "1)0you see them 'ere swallows," said " I trust it will he long, very long, my the clockmaker, "how low they fly ? friend," said I, "ere the rage for specu• Well, I presume we shall have rain right Iatiou introduces' the money-changera in• away; and them noisy critters, them gulls, to the temple,' with us." how close they keep to the water, down Mr. Slick looked at me with a most in-' there in the Shubeuacadie ; well that's a eflable expression of pity and surprise. sure sign. If we study natur", we don't "Depend on it, sir," said he, with a most want no thermometer. But I guess we philosophical air, " this province is much shall be in time to get under cover in a behind the intelligence of the age. But if shingle-maker's shed, about three miles it is behind us in that respect, itis a long ahead on us. " chalk ahead on us in others. I never seed We had just reached the deserted hovel, or heerd tell of a -country that had so when the rain fell in torrents. many natural privileges as this. Why, "I reckon," said the clockmaker, as he there are twice as many harbors and wa• Bat himself down on a bundle of shingles, tel' powers here as we have all tbe way "I reckon tbey are bad off for-inns in this from Eastporf to New Ol'l~en.'. They country. When a teller-Is.too lazy to work have all they can.ax, aftd more than they here, he paints his name over his door, and 'desarve. They have iron, coal, slate, calls it a tavern, and as like as not he grindstone, lime, fire-stone, gypsum, free• makes the whole neighborhood as lazy as stone, and a list as long as an auctioneer's himself. It is about as easy to find a good catalogue. But they are either asleep, or inn in Halifax, as it is to find wool on a stone blind to them. Their shores are goat's back. An inn" to be a 'good con- crowded with fish, and their lands covered sarn, must be' built a purpose; you can,no with \\ (111(1. A government that lays as -more make a good tavern out of a com- light 011 'em as a down eounterpin, and no mall dwelling house, I eXfect, than a good taxes. 'I'hen look at their dykes. The coat out of an old pair 0 trousers. They Lord seems to have made 'em on purpose are eternal lazy, you may depend. Now for such lazy folks. If you were to tell there might be a grand "spec" made the citizens of our country' that these there, in building a good inn and a good dykes had been cropped for a hundred church." years without manure, they'd say, they "What a sacrilegious aud unnatural guessed you had seen Col. Crockett, the union 1" said I, with most unaffected sur- greatest hand at a flam in our nation. You prise. . have heerd tell of a man who couldn't see " Not 'at all," said Mr. Slick; "we London for the houses? I tell you, if we build both on speculation in the States, had this country, you couldn't see the and make a good deal. of profit out of 'em harbors for the shipping. There'd be a too, I tell you. We look out a good sight- rush oj' folks to it, as there is in one of our Iy place, in a town like Halifax, that is il1J1~, to the dinner table, when they some• pretty considerably well peopled, with th::cs get jammed together in the door• folks that are good marks; and if there is way, and a man has to take a running no real right down good preacher among leap over their heads, afore he can get in: them, we build a handsome church.' A little nigger boy in New York found a touched off like a New York liner, a real diamond worth two thousand dollars; taking-looking thing, and then we look out well, he sold it to a watchmaker for fifty • for a preacher, a crack man, a regular ten cents; the little critter didn't know no horse-power chap; well, we hire him, and better. Your people are just like the nig• we have to give pretty high wages too, say gel' boy, -they don't know the value of twelve hundred or sixteen hundred dollars their diamond. a year. We take him at first on trial for a " Do you know the reason monkeys are Sabbath or two, to try his paces, and if he no good? because they chatter all day takes with the folks, if he goes down well, long; so do the niggers, and so do the we clinch the bargain, and let and sell Bluenoses of Nova Scotia; it's all talk the pews; and I tell you it pays well, and and no work. Now with us it's all work makes a real good investment. There and no talk; in' our ship-yards, our fac• were few better specs among us than inns I tories, our mills, and even in our vessels, . Digitized byGO?SI~. ;:,' t:n

.I .J A ~ 10 SAM SLICK,

there's no talk; a man can't work and I like the Vicksburg gamblers. Their max• talk too. I guess if you were at the fac- im is, and not a 'bad one neither, I guess, tories at Lowell we'd show Yioua wonder "No work, no honey.'" . -five hundred ga1sat work together all in silence. I don't think OUi'"great country has such a real natural curiosity as that; . I expect the world don't contain the best CHAPTER IV. of that; for a woman's tongue goes so 'slick. of itself, without water power or CONVERSATIONSATTHE RIVER PHILIP. steam, and moves so easy on its hinges, that it's no easy matter to put a spring• IT was late before we arrived at Pug• stop on it, I tell you; it comes as natural nose's inn; the evening was cool, and a fire as drinkin' mint julip. was cheering and comfortable. Mr. Slick " I don't pretend to say the gals don't declined any share in the bottle of wine; nullify the rule, sometimes, at intermis• he said he was dyspeptic; and a glass or sion and arter hours, but when they do, if two soon convinced me that it was likely they don't let go then it's a pity. You to produce in me something worse than have heerd a school come out, of little dyspepsia. It was speedily removed, and boys? Lord, it's no touch to it; or a flock of we drew up to the fire. Taking a small geese at it? they are no more a match for penknife from his pocket, he began to 'em than a pony is"or a coach-horse. But whittle a thin piece of dry wood, which when they are at work, all's as still as lay on the hearth; and, after musing some sleep and no snorin~. I guess we have a time, said,- right to brag 0' that mvention ; we trained "I guess you've never been in the the dear critters so they don't think of States?" I replied that I had not, but striking the minutes and seconds no that before I returned to England I pro• longer. posed visiting that country. . " Now the folks of Halifax take it all " There," said he "you'll see the great out in talking. . They talk of steamboats, Daniel Webster; he's a great man, I tell whalers, and railroads; but they all end you; King William number four, I where they begin-in talk. I don't think guess, would be no match for him I'd be out of my latitude if I was to say as an orator-he'd talk him out of they beat the womenkind at that. One sigllt in half an hour. If he was in 'fellow says, ' I talk of going to England; , yOUI'House of Commons, I reckon he'd another says, ' I talk of going to the coun- make some of your great folks look pretty , try; , while a third says, ' I talk of goin~ streaked; he's a true patriot and statesman, to sleep.' If we happen to speak of SUCll the first in OUi'country, and a most par• things, we say, ' I'm right off down East,' ticular cute lawyer. There was a Quaker or' I'm away off South,' and away we go chap too cute for him once though. This jist like a streak of lightning. • Quaker, a pretty knowing old shaver, had " When we want folks to talk, we pay a cause down to Rhode Island; so he went 'em for it, such as ministers, "lawyers, and to Daniel to hire him to go down and plead members of Congress; but then we ex• his case for him; so says he, 'Lawyer pect the use of their tongues, and not Webster, what's your fee?' 'Why,' says their hands; and when we pay folks to Daniel, 'let me see. I have to go down work, we expect the use of their hands, South to Washington, to plead the great and not their tongues. I guess work don't insurance case of the Hartford Company• come kind 0' natural to the people of this and. I've got to be at Cincinnati to attend province, no more than it does to a full the Convention, and I don't see how I can bred horse. I expect they think they go to Rhode Island without great loss and have a little too much blood in 'em for great fatigue; it would cost you maybe work, for they are near about as proud as more than you'd be willing to give.' they are lazy. - " Well, the Quaker looked pretty white " Now the bees know how to sarve out about the gills, I tell you, when he heard such chaps, for they have their drones too. this, for he could not do without him no WeU, they reckon it's no fun, a making how, and he did not like this preliminary honey all summer for these idle crit• talk of his at all. At last he made bold ters to eat all winter, so they give 'em to ask him the worst of it, what he would lynch law. Tha,' have' a regular-built take? 'Why,' says Daniel, 'I always mob of ~itl7.imS, and string up the drones liked the Quakers, they are a quiet, peace- ...... Digitized by Google ",-' .. . . : ...... TlIE QLOCKMA1rElt 11

able people, who never go to law if they t ugly, make that cold, thin soil of New can help it, and it would be better for our England produce what it does? Why, sir, great country if there were more such peo- the land between Boston and Salem would ple in it. I never seed or heerd tell of any starve a flock of geese: and yet look at Sa• harm in 'em except going the whole figure lem; it has more cash than would buy for Gineral Jackson, and that everlasting, Nova Scotia frcpl).the king. We rise early. almighty villain, Van Buren; yes, I love live frugally, and work late; what we get the Quakers, I hope they'll go' the Web- we take care of. '1'0 all this we add enter• ster ticket yet; and I'll go for you as low prise and intelligence; a feller who finds as I' can any way afford, say--one thou- work too hard here, had better not go to sand dollars.' the States. I met an Irishman, one Pat "The Quaker well nigh fainted when Lannigan, last week, who had [ust re• be beerd this, but he was pretty deep too; turned from the States. ' Why,' says I, so says he, ' Lawyer, that's a great deal of 'Pat, what on airth brought you back?' money, but I have more causes there· if I • Bad luck to them,' says Pat, •if I warn't g!ve you the one thousand' dollars will you properly bit.' " What do you get a day in [Head the other cases I shall have to give Nova Scotia? "says Judge Beler to me. you?' • Yes,' says Daniel, ' I will to the "Four ahillings, your lordship," says I. best of my humble abilities.' So down "There are no lords here," says he, "we they went to Rhode Island, and Daniel are all free. 'Well," says he, "I'll give tried the case and carried it for the Quaker. you as much in one day as you can earn Well, the Quaker he goes round to all the there in two; I'llgive you eight shillings." folks that had suits in/court, and says he, ., Long life to your Lordship," says I. So 'What will you give me if I get the great next day to it I went with a party of Daniel to plead for you? ' It cost me one men a digging a piece of canal, and if it thousand doUaJs for a fee, but now he and wasn't a hot day my name is not Pat Lan• I are pretty thiCk, and as he is on the spot, nigan. Presently I looked up and straight• I'll get him to plead cheap for you.' So ened my back; says I to a comrade- of he got three hundred dollars from one, mine, "Mick," .says I, "I'm very dry; " and two from another, and so 011, until 11e with that, says the overseer," 'We don't got eleven hundred dollars, jist one hun- allow gentlemen to talk at their work in dred dollars more than he gave. Daniel this country." Faith I soon found 'out was ill a-great rage when he heerd this. for my two days' pay in one, I had to do , What!' said 11e.' do you think I would two days' work ill one. and pay two weeks' agree to your letting me out like a horse hoard in one, and at the end of a month, I to hire?' • Friend Daniel,' said the Qua- found myself no better off in.pocket than ker, 'didst thou not undertake to plead in Nova Sootiaj while the devil a bone in all such cases as I should have to give my body that didn't ache with pain, and r" tliee; i~thou wilt not stand to thy agree- as for my nose, it took to bleeding, and ment, neither will I stand to mine.' Dan- bled day and dight entirely. Upon my ""I iellaughed out ready to split his sides- at sonl, Mr. Slick,' said he, 'the poor laborer this. 'Well.' says he, 'I guess I might as does not last long in your country; what well stand still for you to put the bridle with new rum, hard labor, and hot on this time, for you have fairly pinned weather, you'll see the graves of the Irish me up in a corner of the fence anyhow.' each side of the canal, for all the world So he went good humoredly to work and like two rows of potatoes ill a field that pleaded them all. have forgot to come up.' "This lazy fellow. Pugnose," continued " It is a land, sir," continued the clock- the clockmaker, "that keeps this inn, is maker, "of hard work. We have two going to sell off and go to the States; he kinds of slaves, the niggers and the white says he has to work too hard here; that slaves. All European laborers and black. the markets are dull, and the winters too who come out to us do our hard bodily long; and he guesses he can live easier work, while we direct it to a profitable there; I guess he'll find his mistake afore end ; neither rich nor poor, high nor low, 11ehas been there long. Why, our country witil us, eat the bread of idleness. Our ain't to be compared to this on no account whole capital is in active operation, and whatever; our country never made us to our whole population is in active employ• be the great nation we are, but we made mente An idle fellow, like Pugnose, who the country, How on aii'th could we, if runs away to us, is clapt into harness afore we w~re.n li;ke ol4 l!p.JffJPf!!e,' ~..R laz,~ as At' lt~OW8 W4f-f~ PoP, is, and ~I'S Jl1~,(If..t.q,

Digitized by Google 12 SAM SLICK, work; like a horse that refuses to draw, he I People soon began to assemble, some ii put i.nto the team-boat; he finds some on foot, and others on horseback and in before him, and others behind him; he wagons. Pngnose's tavern was all bustle must Qither draw, or be dragged to and confusion - plaintiffs, defendants, death." and witnesses all talking, quarreling, ex- plaining, and drinking. "Here comes the Squire," said one. "I'm thinking CHAPTER V. his horse carries more roguery than law," said another. "They must have been in JUSTICE PETTIFOG. proper want of timber to make a justice of," said a third, " when they took such a IN the morning the clockmaker in• crooked stick as that." ·'.Sap-headed formed me that a justice's court was to be enough too for refuse;" said a stout look• held, that day at Pugnose's inn, and he ing farmer. "Maybe so," said another, gue5sed he could do a little business ., uut as hard at the heart as a log of among the country folks that would be as• elm." "Howsomever," said a third, HI semuled there. Some of them, he said, hope it won't be long afore he has the· owerl him for clocks, and it would save wainy edge scored off of him, anyhow." him a. world of travelling, to have the jus• Many more such remarks were made, all tice and constable to drive them up to• drawn from familiar objects, but all ex• gether. "If you want a fat wether, pressive of bitterness and contempt. there's nothing like penning up the whole He carried one or two large books with flock in a corner. I guess," said he, ., if him ill his gig, with a considerable roll of General Campbell knew what sort of a papers, As soon as the obsequious Mr. man that 'ere magistrate was, he'd dis• Pugnose saw him at the door, he assisted band him pretty quick; he's a regular him to alight, ushered him into the" best suck-egg-a disgrace to the country. I room," and desired the constable to at• guess if he acted that way in Kentucky, tend." the Squire." The crowd immedi• he'd get a breakfast of cold lead some ately entered, and the constable opened morning, out of the small eend of a rifle, the court in due form, and commanded he'd'find pretty difficult to digest. They silence. tell me he issues three hundred writs a Taking out a long list of causes, Mr. year, the cost of which, including that Pettifog commenced reading the names: tarnation constable's fees, can't amount to " James Sharp versus John Slug-call nothing less than three thousand dollars John Slug." J ohn Slug being duly called per annum.' If the Hou'ble Daniel Web• and not answering, was defaulted. In this ster had him afore a jury, I reckon he'd manner he proceeded to default some turn him inside out, and slip him hack twenty or thirty persons. At last he again, as quick as an old stocking. He'd came to a cause, ., ·William Hare versus paint him to the life, as plain to be known Dennis O'Brien-call Dennis O'Brien." as the head of Gineral Jackson. He's jist " Here l:am," said a voice from the other a fit feller for lynch-law, to be tried, room,-" here I am; who has anything hanged, and damned, all at once; to say to Dennis 0' Brien? " there's more nor him in the country• "Make less noise, sir," said the justice, there's some of the breed in every country " or I'll commit you." . in the province, jist one or two to do the "Commit me, is it?" said Dennis, dirty work, as we keep niggers for jobs "take care then, Squire, you don't com• that would g-ivea white man the cholera. mit yourself." They ought to pay his passage, as we do ." You are sued by William Hare for such critters, tell him his place is taken three pounds, for a mouth's board and in the mail coach, and if he is found here lodging ; what have you to say to it ?" after twenty-four hours, they'd make a " Say to it?" said Dennis, "did you carpenter's plumb-bob of him, and hang ever hear what Tim Doyle said when he him outside the church 'steeple, to try if was going to be hanged for stealing- a pig? it was perpendicular. ,He almost always Says he, 'If the pig hadn't squealed in gives judgment for plaintiff, and if the the bag, I'd never have been found out, pour defendant has an offset, he makes so I wouldn't.' So I'll take warning by him sue it, so that it grinds a grist both Tim Doyle's fate; I say nothing,-let him w~ysfor him, like the upper. and lower prove it," Here Mr, Hare was called on millstene.' for his proof, but taking it for granted

Digitized by Google ...... t. ~ • ~..~ :"~'" .. THE CLOCKMAKER. 13

that the board would be admitted, and I concurring in the opinion, though not in the defense opened, he was not prepared the language, that Dennis was giving ut- with proof. terance to in the bar-room. "I demand," said Dennis, "1 demand Pettifog owned his elevation to his in- an unsuit." terest at an election. It is to be hoped Here there was a consultation between that his subsequent merits will be as the justice and the plaintiff, when the promptly rewarded, by his dismissal from justice said, '.'1 shall not nonsuit him, a bench which he disgraces and de:fi.ly by 1 shall continue the cause." "What, his presenee. hang it up rill next court ? You had bet- ter hang me up-then at once. How can a poor man come here so often! This may CHAPTER VI. • be the entertainment Pugnose advertises for horses, but by Jacquers, it is no en• ANECDOTES. tertainment for me.. I admit then, sooner than come again, I admit it." As we mounted our horses to proceed "You admit you owe him three pounds to Amherst, groups of country people then for a month's board? " were to be seen standing about Pugnose's " I admit no such thing; 1say 1boarded inu, talking over the events of the morn• with him a month, and was like Pat 1\10- ing, wh ile others were dispersing to their ran's cow at the .end of it, at the lifting, several homes. bad luck to him,' A neighbor was here "A pretty prime, superfine scoundrel, called, who proved that the three pounds that Pettifog," said the clockmaker ; "he might be the usual price. " And do you and his constable are well mated; and know I taught his children to write they've travelled in the same gear so long at the school? " said Dennis. " You together, that they make about as nice a might," answered the witness. " Aud yoke of rascals as you'll meet in a day's what is that worth? "I don't know." ride. They pull together like one rope "You don't know? Faith, -I believe reeved through two blocks. That 'ere you're right," said Dennis, "for if the constable was e'enamost strangled t'o'fher children are half as big rogues as the fai- day; and if he hadn'f had a little grain / ther, they might leave writing alone, or more wit than his master 1 guess he'd they'd be like to be hanged for forgery." had his windpipe stopped as tight as ~ Here Dennis produced his account for bladder. There is an outlaw of a feller teachinz five chiklren. two quarters, at here, for all the world like one of OUl nine shillings a quarter each, £4 lOs. •• I Kentucky squatters, one Bill Smith-a am sorry, Mr. O'Brien," said. the justice, critter that neither fears man nor devil. "very sorry,. but yuur defence will not Sheriff and constable can make no hand avail you; your=account is too large for of him; they can't catch him no how; and (me justice; any sum over three pounds if they do corne up with him, he slips must be sued before two magistrates." tbrouuh their fingers like an eel; and " But I only want to offset as much as then, he goes armed, and he can knock will pay tlie board." the ('yc uut of a squirrel with a ball, at " It can't be done in this shape," said fifty yards hand running,-a regular ugly the magistrate; "I will consult .J ustice customer . Doolittle, my neighbor, and if Mr. Hare . .•Well, Nabb, the constable, had a writ won't settle with you, I will sue it for agin him, and he was ciphering a good you." while how he should catch him; at last "Well," said Dennis, "all I have to Ray he hit on a plan that he thought was pret• is, that there is not so big a rogue as Hare ty clever, and he schemed tor a chance to ()u the whole river, save and except one try it. So one day he heerd that Bill 'scoundrel who shall be nameless;" mak• was up at Pugnose's inn, a settling some ing a slgniflcant and humble bow to the business. find was likely to be there all justice. Here there was a general laugh niuh t, Nabb waits till it was considera• throughout the court. Dennis retired to ble late in the evening, and then he takes the next room to indemnify himself hy his horse and rides down to tlle inn, and another glass of grog, and venting his hitches his beast behind the haystack. abuse against Hare and the magistrate. 'I'hen he crawls up to the -window and Disgusted at the gross partiality of the peeps in, and watches there till BiU lUitice~ I a.lso quitted ~h~ court, fully should go to bed, thinking th~ l>~~tway Digitized by Google 14 SAM SLIeK,

'to catch them 'ere sort of animals is to man and very pious; but I have observed catch them asleep. Well, he kept Nabb when a man becomes near about too good awaiting outside so long with his talking he is apt, sometimes, to slip ahead into and singing that he woll nigh fell asleep avarice, unless he looks sharper arter his first himself. At last Bill began to strip girths. A friend of mine in Coanectiout, for bed. First, he takes out a long pocket an old sea captain, who was once let in pistol, examines the priming, and lays it for it pretty deep by a man with a broader down on the table near the head of the brim than common, said to me, 'Friend bed. Sam,' says he, 'I don't like those folks "When Nabb sees this, he begins to who are too d-d good.' There is, I ex• creep like all over, and feel kinder ugly, pect, some truth in it, though he needn't and rather sick of his job; but when he have swore at all, but he was an awful • seed him jump into bed, and heerd him hand to swear. Howsomever that may snore out a noise like a man driving pigs be, there is a story about the elder that's . to market, he plucked up courage, and not so coarse neither. thought he might do it easy arter all if he "It appears all old minister came there was to open the door softly and make 5ne once, to hold a meetin' at his house: well, spring on him afore he could wake. So after rueetin' was over. the elder took round' he goes, lifts up the latch of his the minister all over his farm, which is door as soft as soap, and makes a jump pretty tidy I tell you; and he showed him right atop of him, as he lay 011 the hed, a great ox he had, and a swingeing big , I guess I got you this time,' said. Nabb. pig, that weighed. some six or seven hun• 'I guess so too,' said Bill, 'but I wish you dredweight, that he was plaguy proud of; wouldn't lay so plaguy heavy on me; jist but he never offered the old minister any• turn over, that's a good fellow, will you?' thing to eat or drink. The preacher was ·With that, Bill lays his arm on him to prettytired of all this, and seeing no pros• raise up, for he said he was squeezed as pect of being asked to partake with tile fiat as a pancake; and afore Nabb knew family, and tolerably sharp set, he asked where he was, Bill rolled him right over, one of the boys to fetch him his horse out and was atop of him. Then he seized of the barn. When he was taking leave him by the throat and twisted his pipe of the elder (there were several folks by till his eyes were as big as saucers, and at the time), says he, 'Elder Thompson, his tongue grew six inches longer, while yO~lhave a fine farm here, a very tine farm he kept making faces for all the world indeed; you have a large ox too, a very like the pirate that was hanged 011 Monu- large ox; and I think,' said he, 'I've seen ment Hill, at Boston. It was pretty near to-day' (turning and looking him full in over with him, when Nabb thought of his the face, for he intended to hit him pretty spurs; so he just cnrled up both heels, hard), 'I think I have seen to-day the and drove the spurs right into himjIie greatest hog I ever saw in my life.' The let him have it jist below his crupper. I neighbors snickered a. good deal, and the As Bill was naked, he had a fair chance, elder felt pretty streaked. I guess he'd and he ragged him like the leaf of a book give his great pig or his great ox either, cut open with your finger. At last, Bill if that story hadn't got wind." could stand it 110 longer ; he let go his hold, and roared like a bull, and clapping both hands ahind him, he out of tile door. like a shot. If it hadn't been for them OHAPTER VII. 'ere spurs, I guess Bill would have saved the hangman a job of Nabb that time." GO AHEAD. The cloclemaker was an observing man, and equally communicative. Nothing es-I WHEN we resumed our conversation, the aped his notice; he knew everybody's clockmaker said, "I guess we are the ,enulogy, history, and means, and like a I greatest nation on the face of the airth, d.riT~r of an ~nglish stage-coach, was not and. the most enlightened too." . UDWlllin6tto Impart what he knew. " Do This was rather too arrogant to pass you lee that snug-looking house there," unnoticed, and I was about replying, t}l."t ~aid he, "with a short sarce garden afore whatever doubts there might be on th~t It? that be-longs to Elder Thompson, subject. there could be none whatevell 'I'he ,older il'~1:8ttyclose-fisted, and, holds that they were the most modest, when b~ 5petnaJ f_~ .~~~~l he ge~s. ~~ ill"J.~s~ ~,611tj.n1!en~1$ tva t ,0 Jl.bead:.' tilt'> ~o~

Digitized by Google

------' •

THE CLOCKMAKER. Ii

Scotians' go astarn.' Our ships go ahead them up in the air, they might be top of the ships of other folks, our steam• heavy for him. boats beat the British in speed, and so do "If we had this province we'd go to our stage-coaches; and I reckon a real work and 'cipher' right off. Halifax is right down New York trotter might nothing without a river or back country; stump the univarse for going ahead. But add nothing to nothing, and I guess yo';' since we introduced the railroads, if we have nothing still; add a railroad to the don't go ahead it's a pity. We never Bay of Fundy and how much do you git? fairly knew what going the whole hog That requires ciphering. It will cost was till then; we actilly went ahead of three hundred thousand dollars, or seven• ourselves, and that's no easy matter I tell ty-five thousand pounds your money; add you. If they only had edication here, for notions omitted in the addition col• they might learn to do so too, but they umn, one-third and it makes it even don't know nothin' ." money, one hundred thousand poundsj "You undervalue them," said I; "they interest at five per cent, five thousand have their college and academies, their pounds a year. Now turn over the slate, grammar schools and primary institu• and count up freight. I make it upwards tions, and I believe there are few among of twenty-five thousand pounds a year. If them who cannot read and write." I had you at the desk l'd show you a bill "I guess all that's nothin' ," said he. of items. Now comes subtraction; de• " As for Latin and Greek, we don't vaUy duct cost of engines, wear and tear and it a cent; we teach it, and so we do paint• expenses, and what not, and reduce it for ing and music, because the English do, shortness down to five thousand pounds a ana we like to go ahead on 'em, even ill year, the amount of interest. What fig. them 'ere things. As for reading, it's ures have you gqt now? You have an in. well enough for them that has nothing to vestment that pays interest, I guess, and do; and writing is plaguy apt to bring a if it don't pay more, then I don't know man to States-prison, 'Particularly if he chalk from cheese. But suppose it don't, writes his name so like another man as to and that it only yields two and a half pel' •_ have it mistaken for his'n. Ciphering is cent. (and it requires good ciphering, I the thrng. If a man knows how to cipher, tell you, to say how it would act with he is Sure to grow rich. We -are a 'calcu• folks that like going astarn better than lating' people; we all cipher. going ahead), what would them 'ere wise " A horse that won't go ahead is apt to ones say then? Why, the critters would run hack, and the more you whip him the say it won't pay; but I say the sum ain't faster he goes astarn. That's jist the way half stated. Can you count in your with the Nova Scotians; they have. been head ?" running back so fast lately, that they have "Not to any extent," said I. . tum bled over a bank or two, and nearly "Well, that's an etarnal pity,/' said the broke their necks; and now they've got clockmaker, "for I should like to show up and shook themselves, they swear you Yankee ciphering. What is the en• their dirty clothes and bloody noses are tire real estate of Halifax worth, at a val• all owiug to the banks. I guess if they eation? " won't look ahead for the future, they'll "I really cannot say." larn to look behind, and see if there's a " Ab," said he, "I see you don't cipher, bank near hand' em. and Latin and Greek won't do; them 'ere " A bear always goes down a tree starn people had no railroad. 'Well, find out, foremost. He is a cunning critter; he and then only add ten per cent. to it for knows 'taint safe to carry a heavy load increased value, and if it don't give the over his head, and his rump is so heavy he cost of a railroad, 'then my name is not don't like to trust it over his'n, for fear it Sam Slick. Well, th~ laud between Hali• might take a lurch and carry him heels fax and Ardoise is worth-nothing; add over head to the ground; so he lets his five per cent. to that, and send the sum to starn down first, and "his head arter. I the college and ax the students how wish the Bluenoses would find as good an much it comes to. But when you get into . excuse in their rumps for running back• Hants County, I guess you have land • wards as he has, But the bear' ciphers; , ,orth coming all the way from Boston to he knows how many pounds his hams sec. His Royal Highness the Kin" I weigb, and he 'calculates' if be carried guess, hasn't got the like in hi. doiain-

Digitized by Google --- ..'" • 16 SAM SLICK,

ions. Well, add fifteen per cent. to all was reined up. When I overtook him, them 'ere lands that border 011 Windsor the clockmaker said, "This old, Yankee Basin, and five per cent: to what 'buts horse, you see, understands our word' go on },asin of mines, and then what do you ahead' better nor these Bluenoses. get 1> A pretty considerable sum, I tell " What is 'it," he continued, "wlat is it you; but it's no use to give you the that 'fetters' the heels of a young country, chalks, if you can't keep the tallies. and hangs like 'a poke' around i,ts neck1 " Now we will lay down the schoolmas• what retards the cultivation of its Boil, and ter's assistant, and take up another book the improvement of its fisheries 'I The high every bit and grain as good as that, al• price of Labor, I guess. Well, what's a though these folks affect to sneer at it• railroad 'I The substitution of mechanical I mean human natur'." for human and animal tabor, on a scate as " Ah!" said I, "a knowledge of that vrand as our great country. Labor is dear was of great service to you, certainly, in in America, and cheap in Europe. A, rail• the sale of your clock to the old deacon j road, therefore, is comparatively no manner let us see how it will assist you now." of use to them, to what ~t is to us; it does ., What does a clock want that's run wonders there, but it works miracles here. down 1> " said he. There it: makes the old man younger, but " Undoubtedly to be wound up," I re• here it makes the child a giant. 'To us it is plied. river, bridge, road, and canal, all in one. "I guess you've hit it this time. The It saves what we hain't got to spare, men, folks of Halifax have run down, and horses, carts, vessels, barges, and what' 8 all they'Il uever go, to all etarnity, till they in all-time. ' are wound up into motion; the works are " Since the creation of the universe, I all good, and it is plaguy well cased and guess it is the greatest invention, arter set; it only wants a key. -Put this rai lroad man, N ow this is what I call' ciphering' into operation, and the activity it will arter human natur', while figures are inspire into business, the new life it will ciphering anter the ' assistant.' These give the place, will surprise you. It's two sorts of ciphering make edecation• like, lifting a child off its crawling, and and you may depend on't Squire, there is putting him on his legs to run-see how nothing like folks ciphering, if they want the little critter goes ahead arter that. to ' go ahead.' " A kumel=-I don'f mean a kurnel of militia, for 'we don't vaUy that breed 0' cattle nothing; they do nothing but strut CHAPTER VIII. about and screech all day, like peacocks --;-buta kurnel of grain, wuen sowed, will THE PREACHER THAT WANDERED FROM stool into several shoots, and' each shoot HIS TEXT. bear many kurnels, and will multiply it• self thus: four times one is four, and "I GUESS," said the clockmaker, "we four times twenty-five is one hundred know more of Nova Scotia than ~he Blue• (you see all natur' ciphers, except 'the noses themselves do. The Yankees see Bluenoses). Jist so, this 'ere railroad fur-ther ahead than most folks; they can will not, perhaps, beget .other railroads, e' enamost see round t' other side of a but it will beget a spirit of enterprise, thing; indeed, some on them have hurt that will beget other useful improve• their eyes by it, and sometimes I think ments. It will enlarge the sphere and the that's the reason such a' sight of them means of trade, open new sources of wear spectacles. The first I ever heerd traffic and supply, develop resources, and tell of Cumberland was from Mr. Everett what is of more value perhaps than all, of Congress; he knowed as much about beget motion, It will teach the folks it as if he had lived here all his days, and that go astarn or. stand stock still, 'like maybe a little grain more. He is a splen• the State House in Boston (though they did man that; we class him No.1, letter do say the foundation of that has moved A. ,One night I chanced to go into Gen• a little this summer), not only to 'go eral Peep's tavern at Boston, and who • ahead,' but to nullify time and space." should I see there but· the great Mr. Here his horse (who, feeling the anima• Everett, a studying over a map of the tion-of his master, had been restive ~f Province of Nova Scotia. 'Why, it ain't lw.te) set 9if at a. most prodigious rate of possible l' said I j 'if that ain't Professor trotting. Ii WU lome time before he Everett, as I am alive! Why, how do yoq

D~gitizedby Google ruz CLOCKMAK~H.

do, Professor?' 'Pretty well, I give you are on our side. I think-it will go now• thanks,' said he; 'how be you r. but I we'll carry it." "Yes," says he, "your ain't no longer professor ; I gm that up, factories down East b_t all natur "; they and also the trade of preaching, and took go ahead on the English a long chalk." to politics.' •You don't say so!' said 1; You may depend J. was glad to hear •why, what on airth is the cause 0' tha,t?' the New Englanders spoken of that way; ", Why,' says he, 'look here, Mr. Slick, I felt proud, I tell you. "And," says he • Wh~t -is the use of reading the Proverbs ••there's Ol!e manuiucture that might of Solomon to our free and enlightened stump all Europe to produce the like." citiz~ns, that are eV~,rymite and morsel' .. What's that '!" says I, looking as as WIseas he was? Ihat '~re man under- pleased all the time as a gal that's tickled. took to say there was nothing new under "'Vby," says he, .. the 'facture of wooden t~lesun. 1gu~~s he'd think he spoke a nutmegs; that's a cap sheaf that bangs httle too fast, If he was to see our steam- the bush; it's a real Yankee patent inven• boats, .1'aill'O~ds,and india-rubber shoes- tion." With that all the gentlemen SQt three lDVe?tiolls worth more nor all he up a laugh you might have heerd aw~y knew put 1ll a heap together.' l Well, I down to Sandy Hook and the general don't know,' said I, •but somehow or gig-gobbled like a great'turkeY-<",ock,-the another I guess you'd ha-ye found preach- half nigger, half alligator-like looking vil• ing the best speculation III the long run; lain as be is, I tell you what Mr. Slick,' them 'ere Unitarians pay better than said the professor, • I' wish ~'ith all my Uncle Sam.' (We call," said the clock- heart them 'ere damned nutmegs were maker, " the American public Uncle Sam, in the bottom of the sea.' That was the as you call the British John Bull.) first oath I ever heerd him let slip: but he .• That remark seemed to grig him a was dreadful riled, and it made me feel httle ; he felt oneasy like, and walked ug-lytoo, for it's :twful to heal' a minister twice across the room, fifty fathoms deep swear: and the only match I know for it, in thought; at last he said, 'Which way is to hear a regular sneezer of .a sinner are you from, Mr. Slick, this bitch?' quote Scripture. Says I, 'Mr. Everett, 'Why;' says I, 'I've been away up South a that's the fruit that politics bears: for speculating in nutmegs.' 'I hope,' says my part I never aeed .a good graft 011 it the professor, 'they were a good arbiclc, yet, that Lore anything good to eat, or , the real right down genuine thing?' 'No easy to digest.' mistake,' says 1, 'no mistake, Professor: "Well, he stood awhile looking down they were all prime, first chop; but why on the carpet, with his hands behind him, did you ax that 'ere question?' 'Why,' quite taken up a ciphering in his head, says he, 'that eternal. scoundrel, that and then he straightened himself up, and Captain John Allspice of Nahant, he used he put his hand upon his heart, just RI'I to trade to Charleston, and he carried a be used to do in the pulpit (he looked cargo once there of fifty barrels of nut- pretty I tell you): and slowly lifting his megs: well, he put a half a bushel of hand off his breast, he said, 'Mr. Slick, good ones into each eend of the barrel, our tree of liberty was a beautiful tree, and the rest he filled up with wooden a splendid tree; it was a sight to look at; ones, so like the real thing, no soul could I it was' well fenced and well protected, and tell the difference untillle bit one with his it grew so stately and so handsome, that teeth, and that he never thought of doing, I strangers carne from all parts of the globe until he was first bit himself. Well, its, to see it. They all allowed it was the been A standing joke with them Southern- I most splendid thing in the world. Well, e1'8agin us ever since. I the mobs have broken in and tore down " , It was only t'other day, at. Washing- , their fences, and snapped off the branches, ton, that everlasting Virginny duellist, :and scattered all the leaves about, and it General Cuffy, afore 'a number of sena-: looks no 'better than a gallows tree, I am tors, at the President's house, said to me, I afeared,' said he, 'I tremble to think 011 "Well, Everett," says he, "you know I it, but I am afeared our ways will no was always dead agin your tariff 'bill, but longer be ways of pleasantness, nor our , I have changed my mind since your able paths, paths of peace; I am, indeed, I speech on it; I shall vote for it now." vow, Mr. Slick.' He looked so streaked .. Give me your hand." says I, "General and 80 chop-fallen, that I felt kinder -Cu:ffy; the Boston folks will be dreadful: sorry for him; I aotilly tbouibt he'd a ,1_ wh.u th.ylaear your splendid ta~enta i boo-hoo'd ri,:ht out . ., Digitized by Google J.

18 SAM SLICK,

"So, to tum the conversation, says I, Said 'I, 'It wouldn't make a bad specula• 'Professor, what 'ere great map is that I tion that.' 'The. critters don't know no seed you a studyin'~ver when I came in?' better,' said he. ' Well,' says I, 'the St. Says he, 'It's a map of Nova Scotia. John's folks, why don't they? for they That,' says he, 'is a valuable province, a are pretty cute chaps, them.' real clever province; we hain'tgotthe like '" They remind me,' says the professor, on it, but it's most plaguily in our way.' 'of Jim Billings. You knew Jim Billings,• 'Well,' says I, , send for Sam Patch' (t~lat didn't you, Mr. Slick?' '0 yes,' said I, 'ere man was a great diver," says the 'I knew him. It was he that made such a clockmaker, "and the last dive he took talk by shipping blankets to the West was off the Falls of Nia~ara, and he was Indies.' 'The same,' says he. 'Well, I never heerd of ag'in till t'other day, went to see him the other day at Mrs. when Captain Enoch Wentworth, of the Lecain's boarding house, and says I, Bu..qyAnn whaler saw him in the South "Billings, you haye a nice location here." Sea. 'Why,' says Captain Enoch to him, "A plaguy sight too "nice," said he. 'wby, Sam,' says he, 'how on airth did "Marm Lecain makes such an eta:rnal you get here? I thought you was touse about her carpets, that I have to go drowned at the Canadian lines.' 'Why,' along that everlasting long entry, and says he, ' I didn't get on airth here at all, down both staircases, to the street door but I came right slap through it. In that to spit; and it keeps all the gentlemen a 'ere Niagara dive, I went so everlasting running with their mouths full all day. deep, I thought it was just as short to I had a real bout with a New Yorker this come up t'other side, so out I came in morning. I run down to the street door, . those parts. If I don'f take the shine off and afore I seed anybody a coming, I let the sea serpent, when I get back to Bos.. go, and I vow if I didn't let a chap have it ton, then my name's not Sam Patch'. all over his white waistcoat. W~ll, he 'Well,' says I, 'Professor, send for Sam makes a grab at me, and I sl1lIts the door Patch, the diver, and let him dive down right to on his wrist, and hooks the door• and stick a torpedo in the bottom of the chain taut, and leaves him there, and into province and blow it up; or if that- won't Marm Leoain's bedroom like a shot, and do, send for some of our steam tow-boats hides behind the curtain. Well, he from our great Eastern cities, and tow it roared like a bull, till black Lucretia, one out to sea; you know there's nothing our of the house helps, let him go, and they folks can't do, when they once fairly -take, looked into all the gentlemen's rooms and hold on a thing in airnest.' . found nobody; so I got out of that 'ere U Well, that made him laugh; he seemed scrape. So, what with Marm Lecain's to forgeat bout the nutmegs, and says he, carpets in the house, and other folks' 'That's a bright scheme, but it won't do: waistcoats in the street, it's too nice a 10'• we shall want the province some day, and cation for me, I guess, so I shall up killock I guess we'll buy it of King William; and off to-morrow to the Treemont." they say he is over head and ears in debt, '" Now,' says the professor, 'the St. and owes nine hundred millions of pounds John's folks are jist like Billings: fifty starling-we'll buy it, as we did Florida. I cents would have bought him a spitbox, In the meantime we must have a canal I and.saved him all them 'ere journeys to from Bay Fundy to Bay Varte, right the street door; and a canal at Bay Varte through Cumberland Neck, by Shittyaek, would save the St. John's folks a voyage for our fishing vessels to go to Labrador.' all round Nova Scotia. Why, they can't 'I guess you must ax leave first,' said 1. get at their own backside settle~ents, 'That's jist what I was Ciphering at,' says without a voyage most as long as one to he, 'when 'you came in. I believe we Europe. If tee had that 'ere neck oj land won't ax them at all, but jist fall to and in Cumberland, we'd have a ship canal there, do it; it's a road, Qf needce.~.'!ity. I once and a toum. at each eeiui oj it as big as Port• heard Chief Justice Marshall of Balti- land. You may talk of Solomon,' said more, say, "If the people's highway is the professor, 'but if Solomon in all.his dangerous, a man may take down a fence glory was not arrayed like a lily of the and pass through the fields as a way of field, neither was he in all his wisdom needcessit»;" and we shall do It on that equal in knowledge to a real free Ameri• principle, as the way round by Isle Sable can citizen.' 'WeU,' says I, 'Professor, is dangerous. I wonder the Nova Scotians we are a most enlightened people, that's' don't do it for their own convenience.' sartain, but somehow I don't like to hear

Digitized by,Coogle THE "LOeKMADIt.

you run down Xing Solomon neither; per- iug the time 0' da.ywith him-' what'. the haps he warn't quite so wise as Uncle matter with you?' said he.; 'Why,' Sam, but then,' said I (drawing close to says Alden, 'I presume I have the dY8- the professor, and whispering in his ear, pepsy.' 'All l' said he, 'I sec; a Yankee for fear any folks in the bar-room might swallowed more dollars and cents than he hear me) 'but then,' said I, 'maybe he can digest.' 'I am an American citizen,' was every bit and grain as honest.' Says says Alden, with great dignity; 'I am sec• he, 'Ml', Slick, there are some folks who •.,tal'y to our legation at the court of think a good deal and say but little, and St. James.' 'The devil you are,' said they are wise folks; and there are others Abernethy;' then you will soew get rid of ag'in, who blart right out whatever comes your dyspepsy.' 'I don't see ~at 'ere in• uppermost, and I guess they are pretty I terence,' said Alden, •it don't follow from considerable superfine darned fools.' what you predicate at all; it ain't a natural ' "And with that he turned right round, consequence,1 guess, that a man should and sat down to his map, and never said cease to be ill, because he is called by the another word, lookin' as mad as a hatter voice of a free and enlightened people to the whole blessed time." fill an important office.' (The truth is, .you could no more trap Alden than you could an Indian. He could see other folks' trail, and made none himself: he was a CHAPTER IX. real diplomatist, and I believe our diplo• matists are allowed to be the best in the YANKEE EATING AND HORSE FEEDING. world.) 'But I tell you it does follow,' said the doctor ; 'for in the company C; DID you ever hear tell of Abernethy, you'll have to keep, you'll have to eat like a British doctor?" said the clockmaker, a Christian.' . " Frequently," said I; "he was all emi• "It was an everlasting pity Alden con• nent man, and had a most extensive tradicted him, for he broke out like one practice." ravin' distracted mad. •I'll be d-d,' sald "Well, I reckon he was a vulgar critter he, 'if ever, I saw a Yankee that didn't that," he replied; "he treated the Hou'ble bolt his food whole like a boa constrictor. Alden Gobble, secretary to our legation How the devil can you expect to digest at London, dreadful bad once; and I food, that you neither take the trouble to guess if it had been me he had used that dissect, nor time to masticate P It's no way, I'd a fixed his flint for him, so that wonder you lose your teeth, for yon never he'd think twice afore he'd fire such use them; 1101' your digestion, for you another shot as that 'ere again. I'd a overload it ; nor your saliva, for you ex• made him make tracks, I guess, as quick pend it on the carpets, instead of your as a dog does a hog from a potato field. food. It's disgusting, it's beastly. You He'd a found his way out of the hole in Yankees load your stomachs as a Devon• the fence a plaguy sight quicker than he shire man does his cart, as full as it can came in, I reckon." 1101d, and fast as he can pitch it with a "His manner," said I, "was certainly -dung-fnrk, and drive off; and then you rather uuceremonious at times, but he complain that such a load of compost is was so honest and so straightforward, too heavy for you. Dyspcpsy, eh l" in• that no person was, I believe, ever seri• fernal guz:;>;]ing.you mean. I'll tell you ously offended at him. It was his way," what, Mr. Secretary of Legation, take half "Tben his way was so plaguy rough," the time to eat that you do to drawl out continued the clockmaker, "that be'd your words, chew your food half as much been the better if it had been hammered as you do your filthy tobacco, and you'll and mauled down smoother. I'd a levelled be well in a month.' him fiat as a flounder." " , I don't understand such language,' "Pray wbat was his offence?" said I. said Alden (for he was fairly riled and got "Bad enough, you may depend. The his dander up, and when he shows clear Hon'hle Alden Gobble was dyspeptic, and grit, he looks wicked ugly, I tell you), 'I he suffered great onessiness arter eatin', don't understand such language, sir; I so he goes to Abernethy for advice. came here to consult you pl'ofessionally, ~Wbat's the matter with you?' said the and not to be '-. .'Don't understand l' doctor-jilt that ~aT' without eren pa.ss- said the doctor, 'w~Y it's plain En,IWl~

Digitized by Google SAM SLICK,

but here, read my book!' and he shoved a and water.e-nasty stuff, only fit to eatch book intohis hands and left him in an in- flies; it spiles good water and makes bad stant, stand in" alone in the middle of the beer. ND wonder the folks are poor. room. , Look at them 'ere great dykes; well, they " If the Hon'ble Alden Gobble had gone all go to feed horses; and look at their right away and demanded his passport, grain fields 011 the upland; well, they are and returned home with the legation ill all sowed with oats to feed horses, and one of our first-class frigates (I guess the they buy their bread from us: so we feed English would as soon see pison as one the asses, and they feed the horses, If I 0' them 'er~ serpents) to 'V"ashingtoll, the had them critters on that 'ere marsh, on a President and the people would have sus- location of mine, I'd jist take my rifle and tained him ill it, I guess, until an apology shoot everyone on 'em,-the nasty, yo• was-offered for the insult to the nation. I necked, cat-hammed, heavy-headed, flat• guess if it had been me," said Mr. Slick, eared, crooked-shanked, long-legged, ••I'd a headed him afore he slipt out 0' narrow-chested, good-Ior-notliin' brutes; the door, and pinned' him up agin the they ain't worth their keep one winter. I wall, and make him bolt his words agin, vow, 1 wish one of these Bluenoses, with as quick as he throw'd 'em up, for I never his go-to-meetin' clothes on, coat-tails seed an Englishman that didn't cut his pinned up behind like a leather blind of a words as short as, he does his horse's tail, shay, au old spur on one heel, and pipe close up to the stump." stuck through his .hat-band, mounted on "It certainly was very coarse and one of these limber-timbered critters, that vulgar language, and' I think," said I; moves· its hind legs like a hen scratchin' "that your secretary had just cause to be g-ravel,was sot down in Broadway, in New offended at such an ungentlemanlike at- York, for a sight. Lord! I think I hear tack, although he showed his good sense the West Point cadets a larfln' at him. in treating it with the contempt it ue- 'Who brought that 'ere scarecrow out of served." . stand in' corn and stuck him here 1>' , I "It was plaguy lucky for the doctor, I guess that 'ere citizen came from away tell you, that he cut his stick as he did, down East, out of the notch of the White and made himself scarce, for Alden was Mountains.' • Here comes the cholera an ugly customer; he'd a gi'n him a proper doctor, from Canada-not from Canada, I scalding; he'd a taken the bristles off his guess, neither, for he don't look as if he hide, as clean as the skin of a spring shote had ever been among the rapids.' If they of a pig killed at Christmas." wouldn't poke fun at him, it's a pity." The clockmaker was evidently excited "If they'd keep less horses, and more by his own story, and to indemnify him- sheep, they'd have food and clothing, too, self for these remarks on his countrymen, instead of buying both. I vow I've larfed he indulged for some time in ridiculing afore now till I have fairly wet myself a the Nova Scotians. cryin', to see one of these folks catch a "Do you see that' ere flock of colts?" horse: may be he has to go two or three said he, as we passed one of those beauti- miles of an errand. Well, down he goes ful prairies that render the valleys of on the dyke, with a bridle in one hand, Nova Scotia so verdant and so fertile, and an old tin pan in another, full of oats, "well, I guess they keep too much of that I to catch his beast. First he goes to one 'ere stock. I heerd an Indian one day ax flock of horses, and then to another, to a tavern-keeper for some rum. 'Why, see if be can find his own critter. At last Joe Spawdeeck,' said he, 'I reckon you he gets sight on him, and goes softly up to have got too much already.' 'Too much him, shakiu' of his oats, and a coaxin' of anything,' said Joe, •is not good; but him, and jist as he goes to put his hand too much rum is jist enough.' I guess upon him, a.way he starts, all head and these Bluenoses think so about their tail, and the rest with him; that starts horses; they are fairly eat up hy them, out another flock, and they set a third off, and of house and home, and they are no good at last every troop. on 'em goes, as if naither. They bean't good saddle horses, Old Nick was arter them, till they and they bean't good draft beasts ; they amount to two or three hundred in a. dJOY8. am jist neither one thing nor t'other. Well, he chases them clear across the They &1'8 like the drink of our Connecticut Tantramer marsh, seven miles good, oyer • folks. At mowing time they use molasses ditches, creeks, mire holes, and flagp~nd"

Digitized by Google

------~~---; THE CLOCKMAKER. 21 and then they turn and take a fair chase CHAPTEK X. for it back again, seven miles more. By this time, I presume, they are all pretty THE RO..A.DTO .... WOMA1{'SHEABT.-TBE considerably well tired, and Bluenose, he BROKEN HEART. goes and gets. up all the men folks in the neighborhood and catches his beast, as As we approached the inn at Amherst, they do a moose arter he is fa.irly run the clockmaker grew uneasy. down; so he runs fourteen miles, to ride . "Its pretty well on in the evening, I two, because he is in a tarnation hurry. guess," said he, "and Marm Pugwash is It's e'enamost equal to eatin' soup with a. as onsartin in her temper as a mornin' in fork, when you are short of time. ~t p~ts April; it's all sunaaine or aU clouds with Dieiu mind of catching birds by sprinkling her, and if she's in one of her tantrums, salt on their tails; it'H only one horse a she'll stretch out her neck and hiss, like man-can ride out of.half a dozen, arter all. a goose with a flock of goslins. I wonder One has no shoes, t'other has a colt, one what on airth Pugwash was a thinkin' on ain't broke, another has a sore back, while when he signed articles of partnership a fifth is so etarnal eunnin', all Cumber• with that 'ere woman; she's not a bad land couldn't catch him, till winter drives lookin' piece of furniture neither, and it's him up to the barn for food. a propel' pity sich a clever woman should "Most of them 'ere dyke-marshes have. carry sich a stiff upper lip. She re minds what they call' honey pots' in 'em; that me of our old minister Joshua Hopewell's is, a deep hole all full of squash, where apple-trees. you can't find no bottom. Well, every .. The old minister had an orchard of now and then, when a feller goes to look most particular good fruit, for he was a for his horse, he sees his tail a stickin' great hand at buddin', graftin', and what right out an eend, from one of these honey not, and the orchard (it was on the south pots, and wavin' like a head of broom side of the house) stretched right up to corn; and sometimes you see two or three tho road. Well, there were some trees trapped there, e'enamost smothered, ever• hung over .be fence; I never seed such lastin' tired, half swimmin', half wadin', bearers; the apples hung in ropes,-for all like rats in a molasses cask. When they· the world like strings of onions,-and the find 'em in that' ere pickle, they go and fruit was beautiful. Nobody touched the get ropes, and tie. 'em tight round their minister's apples, and when other folks necks, and half hang 'em to make 'em lost their'n, from the boys, his'n always float, and then haul' em out. Awful look• hung there like bait to a hook, but there ing critters they.be, you may depend, never was so much as a nibble at 'em. S9 when they do come out; for all the world I said to him one day, 'Minister,' said I, like half drowned kittens-all slinkey ., how on airth do you manage to keep slimey, with their great long tails glued your fruit that's so exposed, when no one up like a swab of oakum (lipped in tar. else can't do it nohow? ' , Why,' says he, If they don't look ·foolish. It's a pity 1 'they are dreadful pretty fruit, ain't WeH, they haTe to nurse these critters all they?' 'I guess,' said I, there ain't the wintel't with hot mashes, warm covering, like on 'em in all Connecticut.' 'Well,' and What not, and when spring comes, says he, ' I'll tell you the secret, but you they mostly die, and if they don't, they needn't let ou to no one about it. That are never no' good arter, I wish with all 'ere row next the fence, I grafted it my• my heart half the horses in the country self; I took great pains to get the right were barrelled up in these here honey kind; I sent clean up to Roxberry and pots, and then there'd be near about one• away down to Squaw-neck Creek '-I was half too many left for profit. Jist look afeared he was a goin' to give me day and at one of these barnyards in the s-pring• date for every graft, being a ierri ble long• half a dozen half-starved colts, with their winded man in his stories, so says I, ' I bail' looking a thousand ways for Sunday, know that, Minister, but how do you pre• and their eoats hangin' in tatters, and serve them?' 'W!!y, I was a goin' to tell half a desea good-for-nothin' old hones, you,' said he, 'een you stopped me. a crowdin' out the cows and sheep. Tkat 'ere outward •• w I grafted myself "Va", ~ou toonaer that people who keep with the choicest kind I oould find, and I auc1&4n U'ltprojltClblestock, c'omeout of the succeeded. They are beautiful but so ~ ~ of the horn in ~he long run' " etarnal sour, no human soul can eat them.

Digitized by Google SAM SLICK,

Well, the boys think the old minister's chalk, or as yaller as an orange. Lord r graftin' has all succeeded about as well as that 'ere little feller would be a. show in that row, and they sarch no farther. They our country; come to me, my man!' snicker at my graftin', and I laugh ill my Here the" soft sawder" began to operate. sleeve, I guess, at their penetration.' Mrs. Pugwash said in a milder tone than "Now, Marm Pugwash is like the min- we had yet heard, "Go, my dear, to the ister's apples,-very temptin' fruit to look gentlemen; go dear." Mr. Slick kissed at, but desperate sour. If Pugwash had him, asked him if he would go to the a watery mouth when he married, I guess States along with him, and told him all it's pretty puckery by this time. How- the little girls there would. fall in love ever, ir she goes to act ugly, I'll give her a with him, for they didn't see such a beau• dose of •soft sawder,' that will take the tiful face once in a month of Sundays. frown out of her frontispiece, and make "Black eyes-let me see-ah mamma's. her dial-plate as smooth as a lick of cOI)al eyes too, and Mack hair also, as I'm alive; varnish. It's a pity she's such a kickin' why,. you are mamma's own boy,-the devil, too, for she has good points: good very rmage of mamma." eye-good foot-neat pastern-fine chest ,. Do be seated, gentlemen," said Mrs. a-clean set of limbs, and carries a good Pug wash. " Sally, make a fire in the - But here we are; now you'll see what. next room." '80ft sawder' will do." "She ought to be proud of you," he When we entered the house the travel- continued. "Well, if I live to return lers' room was all in darkness, and 011 here, I must paint your face, and have it opening the opposite door into the sitthtg- put on my clocks, and our folks will buy room, we found the, female part of the the clocks for the sake of the face. Did family extinguishing the fire for the you ever see," said he, again addressing night.' l\lrs. Pugwash had a broom in her me, such a likeness between one human hand, and was in the act (the last act of and another, as between .this beautiful female housewifery) of [\,weeping the little boy and his mother?" . hearth. The strong flickering light of ., I am sure you have had no supper" the fire, as it fell upon her tall fine figure. said Mrs, Pugwash to me; "'you must be and beautiful face, revealed a creature hungry, and weary too.' I will get you a worthy of the clockmaker's comments. cup of tea." "Good evening, marm," said Mr. Slick, .. I am sorry to give you so much "how do you do, and how's Mr. Pug- trouble," said I. wash? " .. Not the least trouble in the world," "He," said she, "why he's been. abed she replied, "on the contrary, a pleas• thIs hour; you don't expect to disturb ure." him this time of night, I hope ? ~' We were then shown into the next room, " 0 no," said Mr. Slick, "certainly not; where the fire was now blazing up, but and I am sorry to have disturbed you, but Mr. Slick protested he could not proceed we got detained longer than we expected; without the little boy, and lingered be• l am sorry that" - hind me to ascertain his age, and con- "So am I," said she, "but if Mr. Pug- eluded by asking the child if he had any wash will keep an inn when he has no aunts that looked like mamma. occasion to, his family can't expect no As the door closed, Mr. Slick said, ~It's rest." a pity she don't go well in gear. The Here the clockmaker, seeing the storm difficulty with those erttters is to· get gathering, stooped down suddenly, and them to start; arter that there is no trou• staring intently, held out his hand and ble with them if you don't check 'em too exclaimed, "well, if that ain't a beautiful short. If you do, they'll stop again, run child! come here, my little man, and back, and kick like mad, and then Old shake hands along with me; well, I de- ~ick himself wouldn't start 'em. Pug• clare, if that 'ere little feller ain't the wash, I guess, don't understand the natur' finest child I ever s.! What, not abed of the critter; she'll never go kind in yet? Ah, you rogue, where did you get harness for him. When I see a child," them 'ere pretty rosy cheeks; stole them said the clockmaker, "I always feel safe from mamma, eh P Well, I wish my old with these women folk, for I have always mother could see that chilo, it is such a found that the road to a woman's heart lies treat. In our country," said he, turning through her child." to me, "the children are all as pale as "You seem," said I,. "to ull~erstand Digitized by GOogLe THE CLOOJOfAKER. 23

- the female heart so well, I make no doubt "Well, when I last seed him, he was all you are a general favorite among the fair skin and bone, like a horse turned out to sex." die. He was teetotally defleshed, a mere "4.\ny man," he replied, "that under• walkin' skeleton. 'I am dreadful sorry,' stands horses, has a pretty considerable says I, 'to see you, Banks, lookin' so . fair knowledge of womenj; for th,ey .are peecked; why, you look like a sick tur• jist alike in temper, and require the very key hen, all legs; what on airth ails you?' identical same treatment. Encourage the 'I am dyin',' says he, 'of a broken heart.' timid ones» be gentle an.d steady with the 'What,' says I, 'have the gals been 'jiltin' fractiQus, but lather the sulky ones like you?' 'No, no,' says he, ' I bean't such blazes. ' a fool as that neither.' ; Well,' says I "People talk an everlasting sight of 'have you made a bad speculation?' 'No,l nonsense about wine, women, and horses. says he, shakin' his head, ' I hope I have I've bought and sold 'em all, I've traded too much clear grit in me to take on so in all of them, and I tell you, there ain't bad for that.' 'What under the sun is it, one in a thousand that knows a grain then? ' 'Why.' says he, 'I made a bet the about either on 'em. You hear folks say, fore part of summer with Leftenant Oby Oh, such a man is.an ugly grained critter, Knowles, that I could shoulder the best he'll break his wife's heart; jist as if a bower of the Constitution frigate. I won woman's heart was as brittle as a pipe my bet, but the anchor was so etarnal • stalk. The female heart, as far as my heavy it broke my heart.' Sure enough, experience goes, is just like a new india• he did die that very fall; and he was the rubber shoe; you may pull and pull at it, only instance I ever heerd tell of a broken till it stretches out a yard long, and then heart." let go, and it will fly right back to its old shape. Theit. hearts are made of -stout leather, I tell you; there's a plaguy sight CHAPTER XI. -of wear in 'em. "I never knowed but one case of a CUMBEBLAND OYSTEBS PRODUCE MBLAN• broken heart, and that was in t' other CHOLY FOREBODINGs. sex, one Washington Banks. He was a sneezer. He was tall enough to spit down THE soft sawder of the clockmaker had on the heads of your grenadiers, and near operated effectually on the beauty of about high enough to wade across Charles• Amherst, our lovely hostess of Pugwash's town River, and as strong as a tow-boat. inn: indeed, I am inclined to think with I guess he was somewhat less than a foot Mr. Slick, that" the road to a woman's longer than the moral law and catechism heart lies through her child," from the too. He was a perfect pit!tur' of a man; effect produced upon' her by the praises you oouldn'f fault him in no particular; bestowed on ,her infant boy. he 'Was so just a made critter, folks used I was musing on this feminine suscepti• to run to the winder when he passed, bility to flattery, when the door opened, and say, ' There goes Washington Banks, and Mrs. Pugwash entered, dressed in her bean't he lovely?' I. do believe there sweetest smiles and her best cap, an wasn't a gal in the Lowell factories that auxiliary by no means required by her warn't in love with him. Sometimes, at charms, which, like an Italian sky, when intermission, on Sabbath days, when they unclouded, a:re unrivalled in splendor. all came out together (an amazin' hansum Approaching me, she said, with an irre• sight too, near about a whole congre• sistible smile, "Would you like, Mr."• fation of ¥Qung gals), Banks used to say, Here there was a pause. a hiatus, evi• I vow, young ladies, I wish I had five dently intended for me to fill up with my hundred arms to reciprocate one with name; but that no person knows, nor do I each of you ; but I reckon I have a heart intend they shall; at Medley's Hotel, in big enough for you all ; it's a whapper, Halifax, I was known as the stranger in you may depend, and every mite and mor• No.1. The attention that incognito pro• sel of it at your service.' , Well, how you cured for me, the importance it gave me do act, Mr. Banks,' half a thousand little in the eyes of the master of the house, its clipper-clapper tongues would say, all at lodgers and servants, is indescribable. It the same time, and their dear little eyes is only great people who travel incog. sparklin' like so many stars twinklin' of a State travelling is inconvenient and slow' frosty night." the constant weight of form;md eti~ttte Digitized by ~OO{S e 24 -eAii SLIOX,

oppresses at once the strength and the I !¥lolaofthem 'ere black cattle, I guess, iIo spirits .. It is lleasant to travel unob- the British; I wish we were well rid of served, to stan at ease, or exchange the 'em all. The blacks and the whites in full suit for the undress coat and fatigue the States show their teeth and snarl; jacket. Wherever, too, there is mystery. they are jist ready to fall to. The Pro• there is importance; there is 110 knowing testauts and Catholics begin to lay back for whom I may be mistaken; but let me .their ears, and turn tail for kickin'. The once give my humble cognomen and occu- . abolitionists and .planters are. at· it like pation, and I sink immediately to my own two bulls in a pastur'. Mob-law and level, to a plebeian station, and a vulgar, lynch-law are working like yeast in a name j not even my beautiful hostess, nor' barrel, and frothing at the bung-hole. my inquisitive friend, the clockmaker, I Nullifications and tariff are like a char• who calls me "Squire," shall extract I coal pit, aU covered up, but burning in• that secret! "Would you like, Mr."- side, and sending out smoke at every " Indeed, I would," said I, "Mrs. Pug- crack, enough to stifle a horse. General wash; pray be seated, and tell me what it government and State government every is." now and then square off and spar, and ., Would you like a dish of superior the first blow given. will bring a genuine • shittyacks for supper? " • set-to. Surplus revenue is another bone "Indeed I would," said I, again laugh- of contention; like a shin of beef thrown 4lg: "but pray tell me what it is?" among a pack of dogs, it will set the "Laws me!" said she with a stare, whole on 'em by the ears. "where have you been all your days, that "You have heerd tell of cotton rags you never heard of our shittyack oysters? dipped in turpentine, haven't you, how I thought everybody.had heerd of them." they produce combustion? Well, I guess " I beg pardon," said I, "but I under- we have the elements of spontaneous stood at Halifax, that the only oysters in combustion among us in abundaeoe; when this part of the world were found on the it does break out, if you don't see an shores of Prince Edward Island." eruption of human gore worse than Etns. "O! dear, no," said our hostess, "they lava, then I'm mistaken. There'll be the are found all along the coast from Shitty- very devil to pay, that's a. fact. I expect. ack, through Bay of Vartes, away to Ram- the blacks will butcher the Southern shag. The latter we seldom get, though whites, and the Northemers will have to the best; there is no regular conveyance, turn out and butcher them again; and all and when they do come, they are gener- this shoot, hang, cut, stab, and burn busi• ally shelled and in kegs, and never in ness will sweeten our folks' temper1.as good: order. I have not had a real good raw meat dois that of a dog; it falrly Ramshag in my house these two years, makes me sick to think on it. The ex• since Governor Maitland was here; he was plosion may clear the air again, and all be amazing fond of them, and Lawyer Talk- tranquil once more, but it's an' even emdeaf sent his carriage there on purpose chance if it don't leave us the three steam. to procure them fresh for him. Now we boat options.e-to be blown sky-high, to can't get them, but we have the Shitty- be scalded to death, or drowned," acks in perfection; say the word, and they " If this sad picture you have drawn shall be served up immediately." be indeed true to nature, how does your A good dish and an unexpected dish is country," said I, "appe~l' so attractive as most acceptable, and certainly my Ameri- to draw to it so large a portion of our can friend and myself did ample justice population?" to the oysters, which, if they have not so "It ain't its attraction," said the clock• classical a name, have quite as good a maker;" it's nothin' but its power of sue. flavor as their far-famed brethren of Mil- tion; it is a great whirlpool-a great vor• ton. Mr. Slick ate so heartily, that when tex: it drags all the straw and chips, and he resumed his conversation, he indulged floating sticks"drift-wood, and trash into in the most melancholy forebodings. it. The .small crafts are sucked in, and ., Did you see that 'ere nigger," said he, whirl round and round like a squirrel in "that removed the oyster shells? well the cage-they'llllever come out. Bigger he's one of our chesapickers, oue of Gen- ones pass through at certain times of eral Cuffy's slaves. I wish Admiral Cock- tide, and can come in and out with good burn had a taken them all off our hands pilota.ge, as they do at Hell Gate up ~ at the same rate. We made a pretty good Sound." . .. Digitized by CoooleC) THE CLOCKMAKER.

." You astonish me," said I, "beyond French was so overrun with other sorts, measure; both your previous conversation that it was better to lose the whole crop with me, and the concurrent testimony of than go to weedin', for as fast as I pulled all my friends who have visited the States, up any strange seedlin' it would .grow give a different view of it." right up ag'in as quick as wink, if there ," YOurfriends I" said the clockmaker, was the least bit of root in the world left with such a tone of ineffable contempt in the ground; so I left it all to rot on the that I felt a stron~ inclination to knock field. him down for Ius insolence, -" your "There is no way so' good to larn friends! Ensigns and leftenants, I guess, French as to live among 'em, and if you from the British marchin' regiments in want to understand us, you must live among the Colonies, that run over five thousand us) too,' your Halls, Hamiltons, apd De miles of country in five weeks, on leave I Rouses, and such critters, what can they of absence, and then return, lookin' as know of us? Can a chap catch a likeness wise as the monkey' that "had seen the flying along the railroad? can he even see world. When they get back they are so the featurs? Old Admiral Anson once chock full of knowledge of the Yankees axed one of our folks afore our glorious that it runs over of itself; like a hogshead Revolution (if the British had a known us of molasses rolled about in hot weather, a little grain better at that time, they a. white froth and scum bubbles out of wouldn't have got whipped 1ike a sack as the bung,-wishy-washy trash they call they did then) where he came from? tours, sketches, travels, letters, and what I 'From the Chesapeake,' said he, 'Aye, not; vapid stuff, jist sweet enough to aye,' said the admiral,' from the West catch flies, cockroaches, and half-fledged Indies.' 'I guess,' said the Southerner, gals. It puts me in mind of my French. 'you may have been clean round the I lamt French at night school, one win- world, Admiral, but you have been plaguy ter, of our minister, Joshua Hopewell little in it, not to know better nor that.' (be was the most larned man of the age, "I shot a wild goose at River Philip for he taught himself e'enamost every last year, with the rice of Varginny fresh language in Europe); well, next spring, in his crop; he must have cracked on neal' when 1 went to Boston, 1 met a French- about as fast as them other geese, the man, and 1 began to jabber away French British travellers. Which knowed the to him; 'Polly woes a french shay,' says 1. most of. the country they passed over, do '1 don't understand Yankee yet,' says he.. you suppose? I guess it was "Inuchof a 'You don't understand?' says I, 'whX, muchness-near about six of one and a it's French. I guess you didn't expect to half dozen of t'other; two eyes ain't much bear such good French, did you, away better than one, if.they are both blind. down East here? but we' speak it real "No, if you want to know all about us well, and it's generally allowed we speak and the Bluenoses (a pretty considerable Englisb, too, better than the British.' share of Yankee blood in them too, I tell '0,' says he, 'you one very droll Yankee; you; the old stock comes from New Eng• dat very_ good joke, sare: you talk In- land, and the breed is tolerable pure yet, dian, and call it French.' 'But,' says I, near about one half apple sarce, and 'Mister Mountshear, it is Frencb, I vow: t'other balf molasses, all except to the real mercbantable, without wainy edge East'ard, where there is a Cl'08S of the or shakes=-all clear stuff; it will pass Scotch) jist ax me, and I'll tell you can• survey in any market; it's ready stuck didly. I'm not one of them that can't see and seasoned.' '0, very like,' says he, no good points in my neighbor's critter, bowin' as polite as a black writer at New and no bad ones in .my own; I've seen too Orleens, 'very like, only I never heerd it mucb of the world for that, 1 guess. In• afore; 0, very good French dat-clear deed, in a general way, 1 praise other stuff, no doubt, but I no understand; it's folks' beasts, and keep dark about my all my fault, I dare say, sare.' own. Says I, when I meet Bluenose "Thinks 1 to myself, a nod is as good mounted, 'That's a real smart horse of as a wink to a blind horse. I see how the your'n; put bim out, 1 guess he'll trot cat jumps: minister knows so many like mad.' Well, be lets him have the languages he bain't been particular spur, and the critter does bis best, and enough to keep 'em in separate parcels", then I pass him like a streak of lightning and mark 'em on the back, and they've with mine. The feller looks all taken got mixed; and sure enough, I found my aback at that. 'Why/ sayslIibO'A\lYflha . DIQIlifed5y GI '-.JOLt:. 26 SAM SLICK,

real clipper of your'n, I vow.' 'Middlin',' with it on observing the device on your ua• says I (quite cool, as if I had heard that val buttons during the last war-an eagle 'ere same thing a thousand times), 'he's with an anchorin its claws, That was a nat• 'good enough for me, jist a fair trotter, ural idea, taken from an ordinary occur• and nothin' to brag of.' That goes near rence: a bird purloining the anchor of a about as far ag'in in a general way as a frigate-an article so useful and necessary orackin' and a boastin' does. Never tell for the food of its young. It was well folks you can g~ ahead on 'em, but do it; chosen, and exhibited great taste and it spares a great deal of talk, and helps judgment in the artist. The emblem is them to save their breath to cool their more appropriate than you are aware of: broth. boasting of what you cannot perform; " No, if you want to know the ins and grasping at what you cannot attain; an outs of the Yankees-I've wintered them emblem of arrogance and weakness; of Ill• and summered them; I know all their directed ambition and vulgar pretension." points, shape, make, and breed; I've tried "It's a common phrase," said he with 'em alongside of other folks, and I know great composure, "among seamen, to say where they fall short, where they mate • Damn your buttons,' and I guess it's 'em, and where they have the advantage, natural for you to say so Qi the buttons of about as well as some who think they our navals; I guess you 'lave a right to know a plaguy sight more. It ain't them that 'ere oath. It's a sore subject, that, that stare the most, that see the best al• I reckon, and I believe I hadn't ought to ways, I guess. Our folks have their faults, have spoken of it to you at all. Brag is a and I know them (I warn't born blind, I good dog, but Holdfast is it better one." reckon), but your friends the tour writers He was evidently annoyed, and with his are a little grain too hard on us. Our old usual dexterity gave vent to his feelings nigger wench had several dirty, ugly by a sally upon the Bluenoses, who, he lookin' children, and was proper cross to says, are a cross of English and Yankee. 'em. Mother used to say, 'Juno, it's bet• and therefore first cousins to us both. ter never to tv ipe a child' 8 nose at all, I guess, "Perhaps," said he, "that 'ere eagle than to .wring it off.' " might with more propriety have been ta• ken off as perched on an anchor, instead of. holding it in his claws, and I think'tt would have been more nateral; but I sup• CHAPTER XII. pose it was some stupid foreign artist that made that 'ere blunder=-I never seed THE AMERICANEA.GLE. one yet that was equal to our'n. If that eagle is represented as trying what ,he "JIST look out of the door," said the clock• can't do, it's an honorable ambition arter maker, "and see what a beautiful night it all; but these Bluenoses won't try what is, how calm,' how still, how clear it is; they can do. Tbey put me in mind of a bean't it lovely? I like to look up at them great big hulk of a horse in a cart, that 'ere stars, when I am away from home, won't put his shoulder to the collar at all they put me in mind of our national flag, for all the lambastin' in the world, but and it is generally allowed to be the first turns his head round and looks 'at you, as flag in the univarse now. The British much as to say, 'What an everlastin' heavy can whip all the world, and we can whip thing an empty cart is, isn't it?' An owl the British. It's near about the prettiest should. be their emblem, and the motto, ' He sight I know of, is one of our first-class sleeps all the dalls of his life.' The whole frigates, manned with our-free and enlight• country is like this night; beauti.ful to ened citizens, all ready for sea; it is like to .look at, but silent as the grave-still as the great American eagle, on its perch, death, asleep, becalmed. balancing itself for a start on the broad "If the sea was always calm," said he," it expanse of blue sky, afeared of nothin' of would pison the univarse; no soul could its kind, and president of all it surveys. breathe the air, it would be so uncommon It was a good emblem that we chose bad. Stagnant water is always onpleasant, warn't it?" but salt water when it gets tainted beats There was no evading so direct, and at all .jiatur "; motion keeps it sweet and the same time so conceited an appeal as wholesome, and that our minister used to this. " Oertainly" said I "the emblem was say is one of the' wonders of the great well chosen. I was particularly struck deep.' This province is stagnant; it ain't

Digitized by Coogle .THE OLOCKMAK.~R. 27 deep like still water neither, for it's IIsuppose you don't want a y~ung lady to shaller enough, gracious knows, but.lt is do chamber business and breed worms, do motionless, noiseless, lifeless. If you you ?-for I've half a mind to take.a spell have ever been to sea ill a calm, you'd know at livin' out.' She meant," said the clock": what a plaguy, tiresome thing it is for a maker, "housework and rearing silk-· man that's in a hurry. An everlastin' worms. 'My pretty maiden,' says he, a - flappin' of the sails, and a creakin' of the pattin' her on the cheek (for I've often booms, and an onsteady pitcbin' of the observed old men "",lways talk kinder ship, and folks lyin' about dozin' away pleasant to women), 'my pretty maiden, tbeir time, and tbe sea a heavin' a long, where was you brought up?' 'Why,' heavy swell, like the breathin' of the chist says she, '1 guess I warn't brought at of some great monster asleep. A passen- all, I growed up.' 'Under wbat platform, gel' wonders the sailors are so plaguyeasy says he (for he was very particular that about it, and he goes a lookin' out east, all bis house helps should go to his and a spyin' out west, to see if there's any meetin'), 'under what church plat. chance of a breeze, and says to himself, form? ' 'Church platform 1' says she, 'Well, if this ain't dull music, it's a pity.' with a toss of her head, like a young Then how streaked he feels when be sees colt that got a check of the curb, 'I a steamboat a clippin' it by him like guess I warn't raised under a platform mad, and the folks on board pokin' fun at at all, but in as good a house as your'nf. him and askin' him jf he has any word to grand as you be.' 'You said well,' said send to home. 'Well,' he says, 'if a.nysoul the old minister, quite shocked, 'when ever catches me on board a sail vessel you said you growed up, dear, for you a~ain, when I can go by steam, I'll give have grown up in great ignorance.' him leave to teU me of it, that's a fact.' . ' Tben I guess you had better get a lady "That's partly tbe case here. They that knows more than me,' lIIfaysshe are becalmed, and they see us going ahead 'that's flat. I reckon I am every: bit and on them, till they are e'enamost 'Out of grain as good as you be. If I don't un• sight· yet they lilain't got a steamboat, derstand a bum-byx (silk-worm}, both and they hain't got a railroad; indeed, I feedin', breedin', and rearin', then I want doubt if one half on 'em ever seed or to know who does, tbat's all; church plat• heerd tell of one or t'other of them. I form, indeed l' says she; 'I guess you never seed any folks like 'em except the were raised under a glass frame in Indians, and they won't even so much as March, and transplanted on Independence look; they haven't the least morsel of Day, warn't you?' And off she sot, curiosity in the world; from which one of lookin' as scorney as a London lady, and our Unitarian preachers (they are dread- leavin' the poor minister standin' starin' ful bands at doubtin', them,-I don't doubt like a stuck pig. 'Well, well,' says he, but some day or another, they will doupt Iif tin' up both hands, and turn in' up the whether everything ain'ta'doubt), ina very whites of his eyes like a duck in thunder, learned work," doubts whether they were 'if that don't bang the bush 1 It fearly ever descended from Eve at all. Old beats sheep shearin' after the blackberry marm Eve's children, he says, are all lost, bushes have got the wool. It does, I vow; it is said, in consequence of too much cu- them are the tares them Unitarians sow rioaity, while these copper-colored folks in our grain fields at night; I guess they'll are lost from havin' too little. How can ruinate the crops yet, and make the ground they be the same? Thinks I, tbat may so everlasting fo121,we'llhave to pare the be logic, old Dubersome, but it ain;t sod and burn it, to kill the roots. Our sense: don't extremes meet? Now, these fathers sowed the right seed here in the Bluenoses have no motion in 'em, no en- wilderness, and watered it with their terprise, no sphit, and if any critter tears, and watcbed over It with fastin' shows any symptoms of activity, they say and prayer, and now it's fairly run out, he is a man of no judgment, he's specula- that's a fact, I snore. It's got choked tive, he's a schemer, in short, be's mad. up with all sorts of trash in natur', I de• They vegetate like a lettuce plant in a clare. Dear, dear; rvow I never seed the sarce garden,-they grow tall and spind- beat 0' that in all my born days.' lin', run to seed right off, grow as bitter " Now the Bluenoses are like that 'ere as gall, and die. gal; they have grown up, and grown up " A gal once came to our minister to 'I in ignorance of many things they hadn't hire as a house help; says she, 'Minister, ought not to know; and it's as hard to . Digitized by.Coogle 28 SAM SLICK, teach growa-np folks as it is to break a out of it; so one mornin' arter breakfast six-year-old horse; and they do rile one's he goes into the cane field, and says he to temper so-they act so ugly, that it Lavender, one of the black overseers, tempts one sometimes to break their con• 'Muster up the whole gang of slaves, founded neoks; it's near about as much every soul, and 'bring 'em down to the trouble as it's worth." . whippiu' post, the whole stock of them, "What remedy is there for all this su• Lulls, cows, and calves.' Well, away goes pineness?" said!;" how can these peo• Lavender, and drives up all the niggers. ple be awakened out of their ignorant 'Now you catch it,' says he, 'you lazy vil• slothfulness, into active exertion?" lains; I tole you so many a time-I tole "The remedy," satd Mr. Slick, "is at you massa he lose all patience wid you, hand; it is already workin' its own cure. you good-for-nothin' rascals. I grad, up- 'I'hey must recede before our free and en• 011 my soul, I werry grad; you mind now lightened citizens, like the Indians; our what old Lavender say anoder time.' folks will buy them out, and they must The black overseers are always the most give place to a more intelligent and cruel," said the clockmaker; "they. have ac-tive people. They must IlO to the lands' no sort of feeling for their own people. of Labrador, or be' located back of "Well, when they were gathered there Canada; they can hold on there a few according to orders, they looked streaked years, until the wave of civilization enough you may depend, thinkin' they reaches them, and then they must move were going to get it all round; and the again as the savages do. It is decreed; I wenches they fell to a cryin', wringin' hear the bugle of destiny a soundin' of their hands, and boo-hoeing like mad. their retreat, as plain as anything. Con• .Lavender. was there with his cowskin, gress will give them a concession of land, grinnin' like a chessy cat, and crackin' it If they petition, away to .Alleghany's about, ready for business. 'Pick me out,' backsidelterritory, and grant them relief says Enoch, 'four that have the loudest for a !few years; for we are out of debt, voices.' 'Hard matter dat,' says Laven• and don't know what to do with our sur• der, 'hard matter dat, massa; dey all plus revenue. The only way to shame talk loud, dey all lub talk more better nor them, that I know, would be to sarve work-de idle villains; better gib 'em all them as Uncle Enoch sarved a neighbor a little tickle, jist to teach 'em to larf on of his ill Vftrginny. t'other side. of he mouf; dat side bran " There was a lady that had a plantation new, dey never use it yet.' 'Do as I or• near hand ·to his'n, and there was only a der you, sir,' said Uncle, 'or I'll have you small river atwixt the two houses, so that triced up, you cruel old rascal you.' folks could hear each other talk across it. When they were ph-ked out and sot by Well, she was a dreadful cross-grained themselves, they hanged their heads, and woman, a real catamount, as savage as a looked like sheep g()ing to the shambles. she-bear that has cubs; an old 'farrow 'N ow,' says Uncle Enoch, 'my pickanin• critter, as ugly as sin, and oue that both nies, do you sing out as loud as Niagara, hooked and kicked too-a most particular at the very tip eend of your voice- onmarciful she-devil, that's a fact. She used to have some of her uiggers tied up '''Don't kill a nigger,pray, every day, and flogged uncommon severe, Let him lib di[ssus-O Lord :Missusr and their screams and screeches were hor• aof~:d rid-no soul could stand it; nothin' was , " My back be very sore, heerd all day but' 0 Lord Missus I 0 No stand it any more. Lord Mil~susl' Enoch was fairly sick of o Lord l\1issus-O Lord Missusl" the sound, for he was a tender-hearted man, and says he to her one day, ' Now do, And all the rest of you join chorus, as loud mann, find out some other place to give as you can bawl, "0 Lord Missus.'" The your cattle the cow-skin, for it worries black rascals understood the joke real me to hear' em take on so dreadful bad; I well. They larfed ready to split their can't stand it, I vow; they are flesh and sides; they fairly lay down on the ground, blood as well as we be, though the meat and rol1ed over and over with lafter. is a different color.' Rut it was no good; Well, when they came to the chorus, 10 she jist up and told him til mind his own Lord Missus,' if they didn't let go, it's a. business, and she guessed she'd mind pity. They' made the river ring ag'in• ber'n. He was determined to shame her they were heerd clean o~to sea. IAll the Digitized by l.::.Oog e 1--' . ?,IlE CLOCKMAKER. 29 folks ran out of the lady's house, to see I people with much attention; pray what is what on airth was the matter on Uncle your opinion of the present state and Enoch's plantation; they thou~ht there future prospects of Halifax?" . was actilly a rebellion there; out when "If you will tell me," said he, "when they listened awhile, and heerd it over the folks there will wake up, then I can and over again, they took the hint, and. answer you; but they are fast asleep. As returned a larfin' in their sleeves. Says to the province, it's a splendid province, they '.Master Enoch Slick, he upsides and calculated to go ahead. It wiU grow with MiRsus this hitch anyhow.' Uncle as fast as a Varginny gal; and they grow never heerd anything more of '0 Lord so amaziu' fast, if you put your arm ~lissus,' after that. Yes, they onght to round one of their necks to kiss them, by be shamed out of it, those Bluenoses. the time you're done, they've grown up When reasoll,Jails to convince, there is into women. It's a pretty province I tell nothin' left but ridicule. If they have no you, good above and better below' S111'• ambition, apply to their feelings, clap a face covered with pastures, meadows, blister on their pride, and it will do the woods, and a 'nation sight of-water priv• business. It's like a puttin' ginger under ileges, and under the ground full of a horse's tail; it makes him carry up real mines. It puts me in mind of the soup at handsum, I tell you. When I was a boy, the Tt'ee-mont House. , I was always late to school; :well,father's "One day I was a walkin' in the Mall, preachin' I didn't mind much, but I never and who should I meet but Major Brad• could bear to heal' my mother say, 'Why ford, a gentleman from Connecticut, that Sam, are you actilly up for all day? Well, traded ill calves and pumpkins for the I hope your airly risin' wou't hurt you, I BOstOIl market. Says he, 'Slick, where declare. What on airth is a goin' to hap- do you' get your grub to-day?' •At pen now? Well, wonders will never General Peep's tavern,' says 1. 'Only fit cease.' It raised my danderj, at last says for niggers,' says he; 'why don't you I, 'Now, mother, don't say that "ere any come to the Tree-mont House? that's the more for gracious' sake, for it makes me most splendid thing, it's generally al• feel ugly, and I'll get up as airly as any lowed, in all the world.' "Why,' says I, on you;' and so I did, and I soon found that's a notch above my mark; I guess what's worth knowin' in this life,-An it's too plaguy dear for me; I can't afford early 8tart makee eagy 8tage8." it nohow.' 'Well,' says he, 'it's dear in one sense, but it's dog cheap in another: it's a grand place for speculation There's so many rich Southerners and strangers CHAPTER XIII. there that have more money than wit. that you might do a pretty good business there THE CLOCKMAKER'S OPINION OF without goin' out of the street door. I HALIFAX. made two hundred dollars this mornin' in little less than half no time. There's a THE next morning was warmer than Carolina lawyer there as rich as a bank, several that had preceded it. It was one and says be to me arter breakfast, "Ma• of those uncommonly fine days that dis• jor," says he, "I wish I knew where to tlnzuish an American autumn. get a real slapping trotter of a horse, one ,lJr guess," said Mr. Slick, "the heat that could trot with a flash of lightning to-day is like a glass of mint julip with a for a mile, and beat it by a whole neck or lump of ice in it; it tastes cool and feels so." Says I, "My lord," for you must warm; it's real good I tell you. I love know, he says he's- the nearest male heir such a day as this dearly .• It's genorally to a Scotch dormant peerage, "my lord," allowed the finest weather in the world is says I, "I have one, a proper sneezer, a in America; there ain't the heat of it to chap that can go ahead of a railroad be found anywhere." He then lighted a steamer, a real natural traveller, one that cigar, and throwing himself back on his can trot with the ball out of the small chair, put both feet out of the window, eend of a rifle, and never break into a and sat with his arms folded, a perfect gallop." Says he, "Major, I wish you picture of happiness. wouldn't give me that 'ere nickname, I "You appear," said I, "to have trav• don't like it," though he looked as tickled elled over the whole of this province, and all the time as possible; "I never knew," to have observed the country and the says he, "a lord that warn't a ,001, that'.

Digitized by Google so -BAM SLICK,

a. fact, and that's the reason I don't go order, and marched in to our splendid ahead and claim the title." "Well," says national air, and filed off to their seats, I, "my lord, I don't know, but somehow right and left, shoulders forward. I feel I can't help a thinkin' if you have a good kinder sorry, too,' says he, 'for that 'ere claim, you'd be more like a fool not to go young heifer; but she showed a proper ahead with it." "Well," says he, "lord pretty leg though, Slick, didn't she? I or no lord, let's look at your horse." So guess you don't often get such a chance away I went to Joe Brown's livery stable, as that.lere.' Well, I gets near the major at t'other eend of the city, and picked out at table, and afore me stood a china the best trotter he had, and no great stick utensil with two handles, full of soup, to brag on either; says I, "Joe Brown, about the size of a foot-tub, with a large what do you ax for 'that 'ere horse P" silver scoop in it, near about as big as a " Two hundred dollars," says he. ladle of a maple sugar kettle. Lwas jist "Well," says I, "I will take him out and about bailing out some soup into my dish, try him, and if I like him I will keep when the major said, 'Fish it up from the him." So I shows our Carolina lord the bottom, $lick.~ Well, sure enough, I, horse, and when he gets on him, says I, gives it a drag from the bottom, and up "Don't let him trot as fast as he can; re• come the fat pieces of turtle, and the sarve that for a beat; if folks find out thick rich soup, and a sight of little how everlastin' fast be is, they'd be forced meat halls, of the size of sheep's afeared to stump you for a start." When dung. No soul could tell how good it he returned, he said he liked the horse was; 'it was near about as handsurn as amazingly, and axed the' price. "Four father's old genuine particular Cider, and hundred dollars," says I; "you can't get that you could feel tingle clean away nothin' special without a good price, down to the tip eends of your toes. pewter cases never hold good watches." 'Now,' says the major. 'I'll give you, "I know it," says he; "the horse is Slick, a new wrinkle on your horn. Folks mine." Thinks I to myself, that' 8 more ain't thought nothin' of unless they live than ever I could say of him then, any• at Treemont: it's all the go. Do you' how.' dine at Peep's tavern every day, and then "Well, I was goin' to tell you about the off hot foot to Treemont, and pick your soup: says the major, 'It's near about teeth on the street steps there, and folks dinner time j jist come and see bow you will think you dine there. I do it often, like the location.' There was a sight of and it saves two dollars a day.' Then he folks there, gentlemen and ladies in the put his finger on his nose, and says he, pubhc room-I never seed so many afore , Mum is the word.' except at Commencement Day-an ready "Now, this province is jist like that for a start, and when the gong sounded, 'ere soup-good enough at top, but dip off we sot like a flock of sheep. Well, if down and you have the riches: the coal, there warn'ta jam you may depend; some the iron ore, the gypsum, and what not. one give we a pull, and I. nearabouts As for Halifax, it's well enough in itself, weut heels up over head; so I reached out though no great shakes neither,-a few both hands, and caught hold of the first sizable houses, with a. proper sight of thing I could, and what should it be but a small ones, like half a dozen old hens ~ lady's dress. Well, as I'm alive, rip went with their broods of young chickens; but the frock, and tear goes the petticoat, and the people, the strange critters, they are when I righted myself from my beam• all asleep. They walk in their sleep, and eends away they '~n came home to me, talk in their sleep, and what they say one .and there she was, the pretty critter, with day they forget the next; they say they all her upper riggin' sbaudiu' as far as her were dreaming. You know where Gov• waist, and nothin' left below hut a short ernor Campbell lives, don't you, in a larg:e linen under-garment. If she didn't scream, stone house, with a great wall round It, it's a pity; and the more she screamed, that looks like a state prison? Well, the more folks larfed, for no soul could near hand there is a nasty, dirtr" horrid help larfin', till one of the waiters folded lookin' buryin' ground there; It's filled her up in a tablecloth. with large grave rats as big as kittens, ,., What an awkward devil you be. and the springs of black water there go Slick,' says the major; 'now that comes through the chinks of the rocks and flow of not falling in first; they should have into all .the wells, and fairly pison the formed four deep, rear rank in open folks; it's a dismal place, I tell you; I

Digitized by Google THE CLOCKMAKER. 31 wonder the air from it don't turn all the poles, come true, ain't it?' 'I guess it silver in the governor's houseof a brass will turn out a good spec,' says he; and color,-and folks say he has four cart- a good one it did turn out-he cleared ten loads of it,-it's 60 everlastin" bad; it's thousand dollars by it. near about as nosey as ~ slave ship of "When I was at Wal"Saw,as I was' a say• niggers, Well, you may go there and .in', there was a Russian officer there-who sh~ke the folks to all etarnity, and you had lost both his arms in battle, a good• won't wake em, I guess; and yet there natured, contented critter, as I e'enamost ain't much difference atween their sleep ever seed, and he was fed with spoons by and, the folks at Halifax, only they lie his neighbors; but arter a while they grew still there and are quiet, and don't walk tired of it, and I guess he near about __ and talk in their sleep, like them above starved to death at last. Now Halifax is ground. like that 'ere Spooney, as I used to call "Halifax reminds me of a Russian him; it is fed by the outports, and they officer I once seed at Warsaw; he had lost begin to have enough to do to feed them• both arms in battle-but I guess I must selves; it must Iarn to live without 'em. tell you first why I went· there, cause that They have no river, and no country about will show you how we speculate. One them; let them make a railroad to Minas Sabbath day, after bell ringin', when most Basin, and they will have arms of their of the women had gone to meetin'-for own to feed themselves with. If they they were great hands for pretty sarmons, don't do it, and do it soon, I guess they'll and our Unitarian ministers all preach get into adecline that no human skill will poetry, only they leave the thyme out; it cure. They are proper thin now; you can sparkles like perry-I goes down to East count their ribs e'enamost as far as you India wharf to see Captain Zeek Hancock, can see them. The only thing that will of Nantucket, to inquire how oil was, and either make or salle Halifax, is a ra'il1'oad if it would bear doing anything in; when across the country to Bcry of Fundy. who should come along but Jabish Green. " 'It will do to talk of,' says one. 'Slick,' says he, 'how do you do? isn't You'll see it some day,' says another. this as pretty a day as you'll see between 'Yes,' says a third, ' it will come, but we this and Norfolk? it whips English are too young yet.' weather by a long chalk;' and "then he'" Our old minister had a darter, a real looked down at my watch seals, and clever looking gal as you'd see in a day's looked and looked as if he thought I'd ride, and she had two or three offers of stole 'em . ..At last he looks up, and says marriage from 'sponsible men, most par• he, 'Slick, I suppose you wouldn't go to ticular good specs; but minister always -Warsa,w,would you, if it was made worth said,' Ph robe, you are too young; the day your while?' 'Which Warsaw?' says I." will come, but you are too young yet, dear.' for I believe in my heart we have a Well, Pheebe didn't think so at all; she hundred of them. ' None of our'n at all,' said she guessed she knew better nor that; says he; 'Warsaw in Poland.' 'Well, I so next offer she had, she said she had no don't know,' says I; 'what do you call notion to lose another chance; off she worth while?' 'Six dollars a day, ex- shot to Rhode Island, and got married. penses.paid, and a bonus of one thousand Says she, 'Father's too old, he don't dollars, if speculation turns out well.' know.' That's jist the case at Halifax. , I am off,' says I, 'whenever you say go.' The old folks say the country is too young, 'Tuesday,' says he, 'in the Hamburg the time will come, and so on; and in the packet. Now,' says he, 'I'm in a tarna- meantime the young folks won't wait, tion hUlTY; I'm goin' a pleasurin' to-day and run off to the States, wherethe maxim is, in the Custom House boat, along with • Youth is the time/or improvement; a new Josiah Bradford's gals down to Nahant. country is never too young for exertion; But I'll tell you what I am at: the Em- pUl1hon-keep morin'-go ahead.' peror of Russia has ordered the Poles to " Darn it all,'' said the clockmaker, ria• cut off their queues on the 1st of .Ianuary ; ing with great animation, c.linchin~ hts you must buy them all up, and ship them fists. and extending his arm, " darn It all, off to London for the wig makers. Hu- it fairly makes my dander rise, to see the man hair is scarce, and risin'.' 'Lord a nasty, idle, loungin' , good-for-nothing, d0- massy I' says I, 'how queer they will little critters; they ain't 4lt to tend a bear look, won't they? Well, I vow', that's trap, I vow. They ought to be quilted what the sea folks call sailing under bare round and round a room, like a lady's lap-

Digitized by Google dog, the matter of two hours a day, to times they go whap into a quicksand, and keep them from dyin' of apoplexy." if they don't take special care they are apt " Hush, hush! " said I, " )1r. Sliok.ryou to go souse over head and ears into deep forget." water. I guess if they'd talk more of ro• "Well," said he, resuming his usual tation, and less of elections, more of them composure, "well, it's enough to make 'ere dykes, and less of banks, and attend one,vexed .though, I' declare, -isn't it? " more to top d?'essillg, and less to re-dre88'ing, Mr. Slick has often alluded to this sub• it'd be better for 'em." ject, and always in a most decided manner, "Now you mention the subject, I th_ink I am inclined to think he is right. Mr. I have observed," said I, "that there is a Howe's papers on the railroad I read, till I great change in your countrymen in that came to his calculations, but I never could respect. Formerly, whenever you met an read figures j " I can't cipher," and there American, you. had a dish of politics set I paused; it is a barrier; I retreated a few before you, whether you had an appetite paces, took a running leap, and cleared for it or not; but lately I have remarked the whole of them. Mr. Slick says he has they seldom allude to it. Pray! to what is under and not Oller rated it's advantages. this attributable ? " He appears to be such a shrewd, observing, ,,,I guess," said he, " they have enough intelligent man, and so perfectly at home of it to home, and are sick of the subject. on these subjects, that I confess I have They are cured the way our pastry cooks more faith in this humble but eccentric cure their 'prentices of stealing sweet no• clockmaker, than in any other man I have tions out of their Sh9PS. When they get a met with in this province. I therefore new 'prentice they tell him he must never pronounce, " There will be a rauroaa:" so much as look at all them 'ere nice things; and if he dares to lay the weight of his finger upon one of them they'll have him up for it before a justice; they CHAPTER XIV. teU him it'~ every bit and grain as bad as stealing from a till. Welf, that's sure to SAYINGS AND DOINGS IN CUMBERLAND. set him at it, just as a high fence does a breachy ox, first to look over it, and then "I RECKON," said the clockmaker, as push it down with its rump; it's human we strolled through Amherst, " you have natur'. Well, the boy eats and eats till read Hook's story of the boy that one day he can't eat no longer, and then he gets sick asked one of his father's guests who his at his stomach, and hates the very sight next door neighbor was, and when he of sweetmeats arterwards. heerd his name, asked him if he wam'f a "We've had politics with us till we're fool. 'No, my little feller,' said he, 'he dog sick of 'em, I tell you. Besides, I bean't a fool, he is a most particular sensi• VJIess we are as far from perfection as ble man: but why did you ax that 'ere when we setout a rowin' for it. You may question?' 'Why,' said the little boy, get purity of election, but how are you to , mother said t'other day you were next get purity of members? It would take a door to a fool, and I wanted to know who great deal of ciphering to tell that. I lived next door to you.' His mother felt never heerd tell of 011ewho had seed it. prett! ugly, I guess, when she- heerd him "The best member I e'enamost ever run right slap on that 'ere breaker. seed was John Adams. Well, John " Now these Cumberland folks have cu• Adams could no more plough a straight rious next door neighbors, too; they are furrow in politics than he could haul the placed by their location right atwixt fire plough himself. He might set out straight and water; they have New Brunswick pol• at beginniu' for a little way, but he was itics on one side, and Nova Scotia politics sure to get crooked afore he got to the •on t' other side of them, and Bay Fundy eend of the ridge. and 'sometimes he and Bay Varte on t' other two sides; they would have two or three crooks· in it. I are actilly in hot waetr ; they are up to used to say to him, 'How on airth is it their cruppers in politics, and great hands Mr. Adams,'-for he was no way proud for talking of House of Assembly, political like, though he was president of our unions, and what not .. Like all folks who great nation, and it is allowed to be the wade so deep, they can't always tell the greatest nation in the world, too; for you natur' of the fords Sometimes they strike might see him sometimes of au artemoon their shins aiin a inai of a rock; at other a swimmin' along with 4;P3 boys in the

Digitized by Coogle ,,' THE CLOCKMAKEH. 33 Potom&Cj I do believe that's the way he I water, and takes to l1yin', the sea fowl are lamed to give the folks the dodge so spry, arter him, and let him have it; and if he ---:wellI used to say to him, 'How on airth has the good luck to escape them, and is it, Mr. Adams, you can't make straight dive into the sea, the dolphin, as like as work on it?' 'He was a grand hand at an not, has a dig at him, that knocks more excuse, though minister used to say that wind out of him than he got while aping folks that were good at an excuse were the birds, a plaguy sight. I guess the seldom good for nothin' else; sometimes Bluenoses know jist about as much about he said the ground was so tarnation stony, politics as this foolish fish knows about it throwed the plough out; at other times flying. All critters in nature are better in he said the off ox was sucn an ugly, will- their own element. ' , ful tempered critter' ,there was no doin' "It beats cock-fightin', I tell you, to nothin' with him; or that there was so bear the Bluenoses, when they get to• much machinery about the plough, it gether, talk politics. They have got three made it plaguy hard to steer; or maybe it or four evil spirits, like the Irish banshees, was the fault of them that went afore that they say cause all the mischief in the him, that they laid it down so bad,-un- province: the council, the banks, the less he was hired for another term of four House of Assembly, and the lawyers. If years the work wouldn't look well; and if a man places a higher valiation on himself all them 'ere excuses wouldn't do, why, than his neighbors do, and wants to be a he would take to scolding the nigger that magistrate before he is fit to carry the drove the team, throw all the blame on inkhorn for one, and finds himself safely him, and order him to have an everlastin' delivered of a mistake, he says it is all . lacin' with the cowskin. You might as owing to the council. The members are well catch a weasel asleep as catch him. cunnin' critters, too; they know this He had somethin' the matter with one eye; feelin', and when they come home from well he knew I know'd that when I was a Assembly, and people ax 'em, 'Where are boy; so one ,day a feller presented a peti- all them 'ere fine things you promised tion to him, and he told him it was very us?' 'Why,' they say, 'we'd a had 'em affectin'. Says he" 'It fairly draws tears all for you, but for that etarnal council; from me,' and his weak eye took to lettin' they nullified all we did.' The country off its water like statiee; so as soon as the will come to no good till them chaps show chap went, he winks to me with t'other their respect for it, hy covering their one, -qulte knowin', as much as to say, bottoms with homespun. If a man is so 'You see it's all in my eye, Slick, but don't tarnation lazy he won't work, and in let on to anyone about it, that I said course has no money, why he says it's all 80.' That eye was a regular cheat, a com- owin' to the banks, they won't discount, plete New England wooden nutmeg. there's no money, they've ruined the Folks said Mr. Adams was a very tender province. If there bean't a road made up hearted man. Perhaps he was, but I to, every citizen's door, away back to the guess that eye didn't pump its water out woods,-who as like as not has squatted 0' that place. there,-why, 'he says the House of As· "Members in general ain't to be de- sembly have voted all the money to pay pended on, I tell you. Politics makes a great men's salaries, and there's nothin' man as crooked as a pack does a peddler; left for poor settlers, and cross roads. not that they "e so awful heavy neither, Well, the lawyers come in for their share but it teaches a man to stoop in the long of 'cake and ale, too; if they don't catch run. Arter all there's not that difference it, it's a pity. in 'em-at least there ain't in Congress- "There Was, one, Jim Munroe, of Onion one would think; for if one of them is County, Connecticut, a desperate idle clear of one vice, why, as like as not, he fellow, a ~reat hand at singin' songs, a . has another fault just as bad. An honest, skatin', drivin' about with the gals, and farmer, like one of these Cumberland so on. Well, if anybody's windows were folks, when he goes to choose atwixt two broke, it was Jim Munroe; and if there that offers for votes, is jist like the flying- were any youngsters in want of a father fish. That 'ere little critter is not content they were sure to be poor Jim's. Jist so to stay to home in the water, and mind it is with the lawyers here; they stand its business, but he must tty hisfhand at godfathers for every misfortune that hap• fl.yin', and he is no great dab at tlyin', pens in the country. When there is a mad neither. Well, the moment be's out of dog a goin' about, every dog that barks ia 8 Digitized byG'oogIe 34: SAM SLICK, I

said- to be bit by the mad one, 80 he gets of our youbg folks are who go "abroad," credit for aH the mischief that every dog for they import more airs and nonsense does for three months to come. So every than they dispose of one while, I tell you; feller that goes yelpin' home from a court some of the stock remains OR hand all the house smartin' from the law, swears he is rest of their lives.' There's nothin' I hate bit by a lawyer. Now there maybe some• so much as cant, of all kinds; it's a sure thing wrong in all these thin~s,-and it sign of a tricky disposition. If you see a can't be otherwise in natur' ,-m council, feller cant in religion, clap your hand into banks, House of Assembly, and lawyers: your pocket, and lay right hold of your but change them all, and it's an. even puss, or he'll steal it, as sure as you're chance if you don't get worse ones in alive; and if a man cants in politics, he'Tl their room. It is in polities as in horses: sellIOU if he gets a-chance, you may de• when a man has a beast that's near about pen. Law and physic are jist the same, up to the notch, he'd better not swap him; and every mite and morsel as bad. If a if he does, he's e'enamost sure to get one lawyer takes to cantin', it's like the fox not so good as his own. My rule is, pa, preach in' to 'the geese; he'll eat up his rather keep a critter whosejaults I do know, whole congregation: and if a doctor takes than change himjor a beast whose faults I to it, he's a quack as sure. as rates. The don't know." Lord have massy on you, for he won't. I'd sooner trust my chance with a naked hook any time, than one that's half• CHAPTER XV. covered with bad bait. The fish will sometimes swallow the one, without THE DANCINGMASTEB ABBOAD. thinkin' , but they get frightened at t'other, turn tail, and off like a shot. "I WISH that 'ere black heifer in the "Now ...to change the tune, I'll give the kitchen would give over singin' that 'ere Bluenoses a new phrase. They'll have an everlastin' dismal tune," said the clock- election most likely 'n~xt' year, and then maker;" it makes my head ache. You've 'The Dancin' Master will be abroad.' A heerd a song afore now," said he, candidate is a most particular polite man, " haven't you, till you was fairlf sick of a noddin' here, and a bowin' there, and a it? for I have, I vow. The last time I was shakin' hands all around. Nothin' im• in Rhode Island,-all the gals sing there, proves a man's manners like an election. and it's generally allowed there's no such 'The dancin'master'sabi'oad then;nothin' singers anywhere; they beat the Eye- gives the paces equal to -that; it makes . talians a long chalk j they sing so high, them as squirmy as an eel j they cross some on 'em, they go clear out 0' bearin' hands and back ag'n, set to their partners, . sometimes, like a lark,-well, you heerd and right and left in great style, and slick nothin' but' 0 no, we never mention her;' it off at the eend, with a real complete well, I grew so plaguy tired of it, I used bow, and a smile for all the world as to say to myself, I'd sooner see it than sweet as a cat makes at a pan of new milk. hear tell of it, I vow; I wish to gracious Then they get as full of compliments as a you would 'never mention her,' for it dog is full of fieas-inquirin' how the old makes me feel ugly to hear that same lady -isto home, and the little boy that thing {or ever and ever and amen that way. made such a wonderful s.art answer, Well, they've got a cant phrase here, ther never can forget it tilrnext time; a 'The schoolmaster is abroad,' and every praisin' a man's farm to the nines, ana a feUer tells you that fifty times a. day. tellin' of him how scandalous the road " There was a chap said to me not long that leads to his location has been ago at Truro, 'Mr. Slick, this country is neglected, and how much he wants to find rapidly improving;, "the schoolmaster is a real complete hand that can build a abroad now," , ana he looked as knowin' bridge over his brook, and axin' him if he as though he had found a mare's nest. ever built one. When he- gets the hook 'So I should think,' said I, 'and it would baited with the right fly, and the simple jist be about as well, I guess, if he'd stay critter begins to jump out of water arter to home and mind his business; for your it, all mouth and gills, he winds up the folks are so consoomedly ignorant, I reckon reel, and takes leave, a thinkin' to him• he's abroad e'enamost 'all his time. I self,' Now you see what's to the eend of hope whim he returns, he'll be the better my line, I guess I'll know where to nnd of his travels, and that's more nor many I you when I want you,' Digitized by Google THE CLOCKMAKER. 35

" There's no sort of flshin' requires so on eend a boastin' of him, and a stumpin' much practice as this. When bait is the course to produce a horse to run agin scarce, one worm must answer for several him for four hundred dollars, Father fish. A handful of oats in a pan, arter it goes up to him, lookin' as soft as dough, brings one horse up in a pastur' for the and as meechin' as you please, and says bridle, serves for another; a shakin' of it he, 'Friend, it aint everyone that has is better than a givin' of it-it saves the four hundred dollars: it's a plaguy sight grain for another time. It's a poor busi• of money, I tell you; would you run for ness artar all, is electioneering, and when one hundred dollars, and give me a little 'the dancin' master is abroad,' he's as start? if you would, I'd try my colt out apt to teach a man to cut capers and get of my old wagon agin you, I vow.' , Let's larfed at as anything else. It ain't every look at your horse,' says he; so away they one that's soople enough to dance real went, and a proper sight of people arter complete. .Politics take a great deal of them to look at colt, and when they seed time, and grind away a man's honesty him they sot up such a larf, I felt e'ena• near about as fast as cleaning a knife with most ready to cry for spite. Says I to brick dust. 'It takes it.~steel out.' What myself, 'What can possess the old man to does a critter get arter all. for it in this act arter that fashion? I do believe he country? Why, nothin' but expense and has taken leave of his senses.' 'You disappointment. As King Solomon says, needn't larf,' says father, 'be's smarter -and that 'ere man was up to a thing or than he looks; our minister's old horse, two, you may depend, though our pro• Captain Jack, IS reckoned as quick a beast fessor did sar. he warn't so knowin' as of his age as any in our location, and that Uncle Sam,-lt's all vanity and vexation 'ere colt can beat him for a lick of a of spirit. quarter of a mile quite easy; I seed it my• " I raised a four-year-old colt once, half self.' Well, they larfed ag'in louder than blood, a perfect pictur' of a horse, and a before, and says father, 'If you dispute genuine clipper; could gallop like the my word, try me; what odds will you wind; a real daisy, a perfect doll; had an ~ve ?' 'Two to one,' says the owner, eye like a weasel, and nostril like Com• eight hundred to four hundred dollars.' modore Rogers' speakin'trumpet. Well, 'Well, that's a great deal of money, ain't I took it down to the races at New York, it?' says father; if I was to lose it I'd and father he went along with me; for look pretty fooliill, wouldn't I? How says he, 'Sam, you don't know every• folks would pass their jokes at me when I "thing,I guess; you hain't cut your wisdom went home again. You wouldn't take teeth yet, and you are goin' among them that 'ere wagon and harness for fifty that's had 'em through their gums this dollars of it, would you?' says he. 'Well,' while past.' Well, when we gets to the says the other, 'sooner than disappoint races, father gets colt and puts him in an you, as you seem to have set your mind on old wagon, with a worn-out Dutch harness losing your money, I don't care if I do.' and breast-band; he looked like Old Nick, " As soon as it was settled, father drives that's a fact. Then he fastened a head off to the stables, and then returns martingale on, and buckled it to the girths mounted, with a red silk pocket handker• atwixt his fore legs. Says I 'Father, chief tied round his bead, a:Wtlcolta look• what on airth are you at? I vow, I feel ing like himself, as proud as nabob, chock ashamed to be seen with such a catamaran full of spring, like the wire eend of a bran as that, and colt looks like old Satan him• new pair of trouser gallusses. One said, self-no soul would know him.' ' I guess , That's a plaguy nice lookin' colt that old 1warn't born yesterday,' says he; 'let me feller has. arter all.' 'That horse will show be, I know what I am at. I guess I'll slip play for it yet,' says a third; and I heard it into 'em afore I've done, as slick as a one fe1ler say, 'I guess that's a regular whistle. I guess I can see as far into a Yankee trick, a complete take in.' They millstone as the best on 'em.' . had a fair stast for it, and off they sot; "Well, father never entered the horse father took the lead and kept it, and won at all, but stood by and seed the races, the race, though it was a pretty tight and the winnin' horse was followed about scratch, for father was too old to ride by the matter of two or three thousand colt; he was near about the matter of people a praisin' of him and admiriu' him. seventy years old. They seemed as if they never had seed a "Well; when the colt was walked round horse afore. The owner of him was all up after the race, there wall an amasin' crowd DiQiti;ed by Google 36 SAM SLICK, , arter him, and several wanted to buy him; spirits, the old man ~ be was so. proud of but says father, 'How am I to get home winnin' the race, and puttin' the leake in• without him, and what shall I do with to the New Yorkers, he looked all dander. that 'ere wagon and harness, so far as I be , Let them great hungry, ill-favored, long-• from Slickville?' So he kept them in legged bitterns,' says he (only he called talk, till he felt their pulses pretty well, them by another name that tlon't sound and at last he closed with a Southerner quite pretty), 'from the outlandish States for seven hundred dollars, and we re• to Cougress, talk about independence; but turned, having made a considerable good Sam,' said he, hitting the shiners ag'in till spec of colt. Says father to me, 'Sam,' be made them dance right up on eead in says he, 'you seed the 'crowd a follerin' his pocket, 'llike to feel it.' the winnin' horse, when we came there, " , No, Sam,' said he, 'line the pocke t didn't you?' 'Yes, sir,' said I, 'I did.' well first, make that independent, and •Well, when colt beat him, no one follered then the spirit will be like a horse turned him at all, but .come a crowdin' about out to 7:rass in the spring for the first him. That's popularity,' said he, 'soon time; he s all head and. tail, a snortin' and -won, soon lost-cried up sky high one kickin' and racin' and carrying on like minute, and deserted the next, or run mad; it soon gets independent too. While down; colt will share the same fate. He'll it's in the stall it may hold up. and paw, get beat afore long, and then he's done and whinny, and feel as spry as anything, for. The multitude are always fickle• but the leather strap keeps it to the minded. Our great Washington found manger, and the lead weight to the eend that out, and the British officer that beat of it makes it hold down its head at last. Bonaparte; the bread they gave him No," says he, 'here's independence !' and turned sour afore he got half through the he gave the eagles such a drive with his loaf. His soap had hardly stiffened afore fist, he bust his pocket, and sent a whole it ran right back to lye and grease agin. raft of them a spinnin' down his leg to the " , I was sarved the same way. I like to ground. Says I, 'Father,' and I swear I .have missed my pension; the committee could hardly keep from larfin", he looked said I warn't at Bunker's Hill at all, the so peskily vexed,-' Father,' says I, •I villains. That was a glo'-.' 'I'hinks I, old guess there's a moral in that 'ere too: boy, if you once get into that 'ere field Extremes nary way are none 0' the best.' you'll race longer than colt, a plaguy 'Well, well,' says he. kinder snappishly, sight; you'll run cleat' away to the fence 'I suppose you're half right. Sam, but to the, far eend afore you stop; so I jist we've said enough about it; let's drop the cut in and took a hand myself. 'Yes,' subject; and see if I have picked 'em all says I, 'you did 'em father, properly; that up, for my eyes are none of the best, now old wagon was a bright scheme; it led' em I'm near hand to seventy.'" - on 'till you got 'em on the right spot, didn't. it?' Says father, ' There'« a moral, Sam; in everything in natur'. Never have nothin' to do with elections j you see the valley of CHAPTER XVI. popularity in the case of that 'ere horse: sarve the pnblic nine hundred and ninety• HR. BLICK'S OPINIONOF THE BBlTI8H. nine times, and the thousandth, if they don't agree with you, they desart and abuse " What success had you," said I, " in you. See how they sarved old John the sale of YOl'rclocks among the Scotch Adams; see how they let Jefferson starve in the eastern part of the province? Do. in his old age; see how good old Munroe you find them as gullible as the Blqe• like to have got right into jail, after his noses? " term of president was up. They may talk " Well," said he, "you have heard tell of independence,' says father, 'but Sam, that a Yankee never answers one ques• ,I'lltell you what independence is '-and tion, without axing another, haven't you? he gave his hands a slap agin his trou• Did you ever see an English stage-driver sers pocket, and made the gold eagles make a bow? because if you hain't ob• he won at the race all jingle ag'm• sarved it. I have, and a queer one it is, I , That I' says he, giving them another swan. He brings his right arm up, jist wipe with his fist, and winkin", as much across his face, and passes on, with a. as to say, Do you heal' that, mY' boy I knowiu' nod of his head, as much as to , ina' I .all indep~ndmcQ.' H8 WaM lD iTeat say, How do you do ? but k8ep claar of

Digitized by Google THE CLOCKMAKER. 37 my wheels, or I'll fetch your horses a lick with; they shell out their cash like a sheaf in the mouth as sure as you're born: jist of wheat in frosty weather; it flies all over as a bear puts up his paw to fend off the the thrashin' floor: but then they are a blow of a stick from his nose. Well, that's cross-grained, ungainly, kickin' breed 'of the way I pass them "ere bare-breeched cattle, as I e'enamost ever seed, Whoever 'Scotchmen. Lord, if they were located gave them the name of John Bull, knew down in these here Cumberland marshes, what he was about, I tell you; for they are how the mosquitoes would tickle them up, all bull-necked, bull-headed folks, I vow; wouldn't they? They'd set 'em scratchiu' sulky, ugly-tempered, vicious critters, a therabouts, as an Irishman does his head, pawin' and a roarin' the whole time, and when he's in search of a lie. Them 'ere plaguy onsafe unless well watched. They fellers cut their eye-teeth afore they ever are as headstrong as mules, and as con• sot foot in this country, I expect. When ceited as peacocks." they get a bawbee, they' know what to do The astonishment with which I heard with it, that's a fact; they open their thia tirade agai~t my countrymen ab• pouch and drop. it in, and it's got a spring sorbed every feeling of resentment. I like a fox-trap; It holds fast to all It gets listened. with amazement at the perfect like grim death to a dead nigger. They composure with which he uttered it. He are proper skinflints you may depend. treated it as one of those self-evident Oatmeal is no great shakes at best; it ain't truths that need neither proof nor apol• even as good for a horse as real yaller ogy, but as a thing well known and ad• Vargim.1Ycorn, but I guess I waru't long mitted by all mankind. in finding out that the grits hardly pay for " There's no richer sight that I know the riddlin'. No, a Yankee has as little of," ~aid he, "than to see one on 'em when chance among them as a Jew has in New he first lands in one of our great cities. England; the sooner he clears out the bet- He swells out as big as a balloon; his tel'. You can no more put a leake into I skin is ready to burst with wind-a regu• them, than you can send a ohisel into teak lar walking bag of gas; and he prances wood; it turns the edge of the tool the over the pavement like a bear over hot first drive. If the Bluenoses knew the iron; a,great awkward hulk of a fe11er• value or money as well as they do, they'd for thfY ain't to be compared to the French have more cash, and fewer clocks and tin in muuucrs=-a smirkin' at you, as much reflectors, I reckon. as tu :."y, 'Look here, Jonathan, here's "Now, it's different with the Irish; they an Enulishman ; here's a boy that's got never carry a puss, for they never have a blood as pure as a Norman pirate, and lots cent to put in it. They are always in love of the blunt of both kinds, a pocket full or in liquor, or else in a row; they are the of one, and a mouthful of t' other; bean'f merriest shavers I ever seed. Judge he lovely?' and then he looks as fierce ~ Beeler,-1 dare say you have heerd tell of as a tiger, as much as to say, 'Say boo to him; he's a funny fe11e1',-he put a notice a goose, if you dare.' over his factory gate at Lowell, ' No cigars " No, I believe we may stump the uni• or Irishmen admitted within these walls;' varse ; we improve on everything, and we for, said he, 'The one will set a flame have improved OIl our own species. agoin' among my cottons, and t'other You'll search one while, I tell you, afore among my gals. I won't have no such in- you'll find a man that, take him by and flammable and dangerous thinzs about me large, is equal to one of our free and en• on no account.' 'When the British wanted lightened citizens. He's the chap that our folks to joinin the treaty to chock the has both speed, wind, and bottom; he's wheels.of the slave-trade, I recollect hear- clear grit-ginger to the backbone, you in' old John Ad"ms say we had ought to may depend. It's generally allowed there humor them; for says he, 'They supply ain't the beat of them to be found any• us with labor on f asier terms, by shipping where. Spry as a fox, supple as an eel, out the Irish.' S 'ys he, 'They work bet- and cute as a weasel. Though I say it, tel', and they wor.c cheaper, and they don't that shouldn't, say it, they fairly take the live so long. Th e blacks, when they are shine off creation; they are actilly equal past work, hang .;n forever, and a proper to cash." bill of expense tb ey be; but hot weather He looked like a man who felt that he and newrum rub out the poor rates for had expressed himself so art1y and so t' other ones.' well. that anything additiona would only "The English are the boys for tradin' I weaken its effect; he therefore changed

Digitized. by Coogle 38 SAM SLICK,

the conversation immediately,.. by point-I first of the kind they ever Reed, and proper ing to a tree at some little distance from scared they were to see a vessel without the house, and remarking that it was the sails or oars, goin' right straight ahead, rock. maple 01' sugar tree, . nine knots an hour, in the 'very wind's eye, " It's a pretty. tree," said he, "and a and a great streak of smoke arter her as profitable one too to raise. It will bear long as the tail of a comet. I believe they tapping for many years, though it gets thought it was Old Nick alive, a treatin' exhausted at last. This province is like himself to a swim. You could see the that 'ere tree: it is tapped till it beg-ins niggers a clippin' it away from the shore, to die at the top, and if they don't drive for dear life, and the soldiers n movin' in a spile and stop the everlastin' flow of about as if they thought that we were the sap, it will perish altog-ether. All agoiu' to take the whole country. Pres-• the money that's made here, all the inter- eutlya little, half-starved, orange-colored est that's paid in it, and a pretty consider- looking Spanish officer, all dressed oft in able portion of rent too, all goes abroad his livery, as fine as a fiddle, came off for investment, and the rest is sent to us with two men in a boat to board us. Well, to buy bread. It's drained like a bog; it we yawed once or twice, and motioned has' opened and covered trenches all to him to keep oft for (fear he should ~et through it, and then there's otliers to the hurt; but he came right on afore the foot of the upland to cut off the springs. wheel, and I hope I may be shot if the "Now you may make even a, bog too paddle didn't strike the bow of the boat dry; you may take the moisture out- to with that force, it knocked up the starn that degree that the very sile becomes like a plank tilt,' when one of the boys dust, and blows away. The English playing on it is heavier than t'other, and funds, and our banks, railroads, and chucked him right atop of the wheel• canals, are all absorbing your capital like house, You never seed a fellow in such a a sponge, and will lick it up as fast as dunderment in your life', He had picked you can make it. That very bridge we up a little English from seein' our folks heerd of at Windsor is owned in Now there so much, and when he got up; the Brunswick, and will pay toll to that prov- first thing he said was, •Damn all ince. The capitalists of Nova Scotia sheenery, I say; where's my boat?' and treat it like a hired house: they won't he looked round as if he thought it had keep it in repair; they neither paint it to jumped on board too, 'Your boat? 'said preserve the boards, nor stop a leak to the captain, 'why, I expect it's gone to keep the frame from rottin": but let it go the hottom and your men have gone to wrack, sooner than drive a nail or put down to look arter it;' for we never seed in a pane of glass. 'It will sarve our or heerd tell of one or t'other of them ar• turn out,' they say. tel' the boat was struck. Yes, I'd make "Thero's neither spirit, enterprise, nor 'em stare like that 'ere Spanish officer, as patriotism here; but the whole country is if ther had seed out of their eyes for the as- inactive as a bear in winter that docs first time. Governor Campbell didn't ex• nothin' but scroutch up in his den a pect to see such a country as this when he thlukin' to himself, 'Well, if I ain't an came here, I reckon; I know he didn't. unfortunate devil, it's a pity; I have a ., When I was a little boy, about knee most splendid wnrm coat as e'er a gentle- high or so, and lived down Connecticut manin fheae here woods, let him be who River, mother used to say, 'Sam, if you _ he will; but I got 110 socks to my feet, don't give over acting so like Old Scratch and have to sit for everlastingly a suckin' I'll send you oft to Nova Scotia as sure as of my paws to keep 'em warm; if it you are born: I will, I vow.' Well, Lord, warn't for that, I guess I'd make some 0' how that 'ere used to f i ighten me; it made them chaps that have hoofs to their feet my hair stand right up en ecnd, like a catrs and 11')1'l\sto their heads, look ahout hack when she's wrathy; it made me drop them pre ttv sharp, I know.' It's dismal it as quick as wink; like a tin nightcap now ain't it? If 1 had the framin' of the put on a dipped candle agoiri' to bed, it governor s message, if I wouldn't show put the fun right out. .Neii-hbor Dear• 'em how to put timber together you may horne's darter married a gentleman to dcpenrl ; I'd. make them scratch their Yarmouth, that speculates ill the ..mug • . heads «nd st-tre, I know, gling line. 'Well, when she went OJ) hoard "I went down to Mantanzas in' the to sail clown to Nova Scotia, all her folks Fulton steamboat once; well, it was the Itook on as if it was a fU~'al; th81s3id <, Digitized by \...::rOogle · 'THE CLOCKMAKER. 39 she was goin' to he buried alive, like the development of thi« beautiful pr011ince. Ita nuns ill Portengale that get a frolickin', value is utterly unknoum; either to the gen• bread out.of the pastur' and race off, and eral or local government, and the only per• get catched and brought back ag'in. Says sons who duly appreciate it are the Yan• the old colonel, her father, ' Deliverance, kees." my dear, I would sooner foller you to your grave, for that would be an eend to your troubles, than to see you go off to that CHAPTER XVII. dismal country, that's nothin' hut an ice• berg a;:rrol1ud;' and he bowled as loud as A YANKEE HANDLE FOR A HALIFAX an Irishman that tries to wake his wife RLA~E. when she is dead. Awful accounts we have of 'the country, thut's a fact; but if "I MET a man this mornin'," said the the province IS not so bad as they matle it clocdmafler, "from Halifax, a rea] con• out, the folks are a thousand times worse. ceited lookin' critter. as you e'enamost ever " You've seen a flood of partridges of a seed, all shines and didoes. He looked as frosty mornin' in the fall, a crowdin' out I if he had picded up his airs arter some of the shade to a sunny spot, and huddlin' officer of the regilars had worn 'em out up there in the warmth? Well, the and cast 'em off. They sot on him like Bluenoses have nothin' else to do half the second-hand clothes, as if they hadn't time but sun themselves. Whose fault is been made for him and didn't exactly fit. that? Why, it's the fault of the legisla- He loofled fine, but awyward, like a cap• ture. They don't encourtute internal im- tain of militia when he gets his uniform provement, nQr the inve!ltlnent of capital in on, to play sodger; a thinkin' himself the country; and the resuli is ap(tlhy, in- mighty handsum, and that all the world is action', and poverty. They spend three a lookin' at him. He marched up and months in Halifax, and what do they do ? down afore the street door like a pea• Father gave me a dollar once, to go to the coop, as large as life and twice as natural; fair at Hartford, and when I came back, he had a riding-whip in his hand, and. says he, ':jam, what have you got to show every now and then struefl it agin his for it?' Now I ax what have they to thigh, as much as to say, 'Ain't that a show for their three months' setting? splendid leg for a boot, now? Won't I as• They mislead folks; they make 'em be- tonish the Amherst folps, that's all?' Iieve all the use of the Assenibly is to bark ThintJs I, 'You are a pretty blade, ain't at councillors, judges, bankers, and such you? I'd like to fit a Yankee handle onto cattle, to deep 'em from eatin' up the you, that's a fact.' WIlen I came up, he crops; and it actilly costs more to feed held up his head near about M high as a them when they are watchin' than all the shot factory, and stood with his fists on others could eat if they did break a fence his hips, and eyed me from head to foot, and get in. Indeed, some folks say they as a shakin' Quaker does a town lady; as are the most breachy of the two, and much as to say, what a queer .critter you ought to go to pound themselves. If be! that's toggery I never seed afore; their fences are good, them hungry cattle you're some carnal minded maiden, that's couldn't bread through; and if they ain't, sartain. they ought to stake 'em up, and withe " '·Well.' says he to me, with the air of them well; but it's no ulle to make fences a man that chucps a cent into a beggar's unless the land, is cultivated. If I see a hat,' A fine day this, sir.' ' Do you actilly farm all gone to wrack, I say, Here's bad think so,' said I? and I ga~e it the real husbandry and bad management; and if I Connectiout drawl. 'Why,' said he, quite see a province Iide this, of great capacity, short,' if I didn't think so, I wouldn't say and great natural resources. poverty- so.' 'Well,' says I, 'I don't know, but if stricken, I say, There's bad legislation. I did think so, I guess I wouldn't say so.' "No," said he, with an air of more 'Why not?' says he. 'Because, I ex• seriousness than I had yet observed; peet,' says I, ' any fool could see that as " how much it i.'1 to be rearetted, that. laying well as me;' and then I stared at him, as a/tide personnl attacks and pe~ty [ealousies, much as to say, 'Now if you like that 'ere they would not unite as one man, and with swap, I am ready to trade with you ag'in one mind and one heart apply themselxes as soon as you lide.' Well, he turned .ed·ulo~lll to the int.ernal improvement and I right, round on his heel and walked off, a

Digitized by Google 40 SAM SLICK,

whistlin' Yankee Doodle to himself. He I immense back country as, big as Grea.t looked jist like a man that finds whistlin' Britain, a first chop river, and amasin" a plaguy sight easier than thinkin'. sharp folks, most as cute as the Yankees; "l>l'esently I heerd him ax 'the groom it's a splendid location for business. Well, who that 'ere Yankee lookin' feller was. they draw all the produce of the Bay .' That 1" said the groom, 'why, I guess shores, and where the produce goes, the it's Mr, Slick.' 'Shol' said he, ' how you supplies return; it will take the whole talk 1 What! Slick the clockmaker ? trade of the province. I guess your rich Why,itain'tpossiblej I wish I had a known folks will find they've burnt their fingers; that 'ere afore, I declare, for I have a they've put their foot in it, that's a·fact. great curiosity to see him; folks say he is Houses without tenants, wharves without amazln' clever feller that;' and he turned shipping, a town without people-what a. and stared as if it was old Hickory himself. grand investment! If you have any loose Then he walked round and about like a dollars, let 'em out on mortgage in Halifax, pi~ round the fence of a potato field, a that's a security; keep clear of the country watchin' for a chance to cut in; so thinks for your life; the people may run, but the I, I'll jist give him something to talk tcwn can't. No, take away the troops, about when he gets back to the city; I'll and you're done; you'll sing the dead fix a Yankee handle ou him in no time. march folks did at Louisburg and Shel- '" How's times to Halifax, sir,' said I. burne. Why, you hain't got a single 'Better,' says he, 'much better: business is thing worth havin' but a good harbor, done on a surer bottom than it was, and and as for that the coast is full of 'em. things look bright ag'in.' 'So does a can- You haven't a pine log, a spruce board, dIe,' says I, 'jist afore it goes out it burns or a refuse shingle; you neither raise up ever so high and then sinks right down; wheat, oats, or hay, nor ,never can; you and leaves nothin' behind but grease, and have no staples on airth, unless it be them an everlasbin' bad smell. I guess they iron ones for the padlocks in Bridewell. don't know how to feed their lamp, and it You've sowed pride and reaped poverty; can't burn long on nothin'. No, sir, the take care of your crop, for it's worth har• jigisupwithH:tlifax, and it's all theirown vestin'. You have no river and no country; fault. If a man sits at his door and sees what in the name of fortin' have you to stra.y cattle in his field, a eatin' up of his trade on l' ' , crop, and his neighbors a eatin' off his '" But,' said he (and he showed the grain, and won't so much as go and drive whites of his eyes like a wall-eyed horse), 'em out, why, I should say it sarves him 'but,' said he, 'Mr. Slick, how is it then, rigbt.' Halifax ever grew at all? hasn't it got " 'I don't ex'tctly understand sir,' said what it always had? it's no worse than it he. 'I'hlnksI, it wod'ld be strange if you was.' 'I guess,' said I,' that. pole ain't did, for I never see one of your folks yet strong enough to' heal' you, neither; if you that could understand a hawk from a hand- trust to that,. you'11 be into the brook as saw. 'Well,' said I, 'I will tell you what sure as you are born; you- once had the I mean; draw -a line from Cape Sable to trade of the whole province, but St. John Cape Oansoo, right through the province, has run off with that now; you've lost all and it will split it into two, this way;' and but your trade in blueberries and rabbits I cut an apple into two halves; 'now,' says with the niggers :tot Hammond Plains. I, 'the worst half, like the rotten half of You've lost your customers;your rivals have the apple, belongs to Halifax, and the a-better stand for business-they've got the other sound half belongs to St. John. corner store;four great streets meet there, Your side of the province on the seacoast is and it's near the market slip.' all stone; I never seed such a proper sight "Well, he stared; says he, 'I believe of rocks in mv life; it's enough to starve you're right, but I never thought of that a rabbit. Well, t'other side, on the Bayof afore.' Thinks I, nobody'd ever suspect Fundy, is a superfine country; there ain't you of the trick of thinkin' that ever I the beat of it to be found anywhere. Now, heer'd tell of. 'Some of our great men,' wouldn't the folks living away up to the said he, 'laid it all to your folks' selling so Ba.ybe pretty fools to go to Halifax, when many clocks and Polygl?t ~ibles; they say they can go to St. John with half the trou- you have taken off a horrid SIght of money.' ble? St.•John is the natural capital of the 'Did they, indeed?' said L; 'well, I guess Bay of Fundy; it will be the largest city in it ain't pins and needles that's the expense A..,ri.a, next to New Y.rk. It has an of housekespin', it i. something more

Di9i~iZed by Google ------~--~------THE CLOCKMAKER. 41

costly than that.' 'Well, some folks say it's Shore trade with? St. J.ohn. Who does the banks,' says he. 'Better still,' says I; Cumberland trade with? St. Jo~.n. Well, 'perhaps you've hearn tell, too, that PIctou, Lunenburg, and Liverpool supply greasin' the axle makes a gig harder themselves, ami the res-t, that ain't worth to draw, for there's jist about as much havin', trade with Halifax. They take sense in that.' 'Well, then,' says he, down a few half starved pigs, old viteran 'others say it's smugglin' has made us so geese, and long-legged fowls, some ram' poor.' 'That guess,' said I, 'is most as mutton and tough beef, and swap them good as t'other one; whoever found out for tea, sugar, and such little notions for that secret ought to get a patent for it, for their old women to home; while the rail• it's worth knowin'. Then the country has roads and canals of St. John are goin' to grown poorer, hasn't it, because it has cut off your Gulf Shore trade to Mir• bought cheaper this year than it did the amichi, and along there. Flies live ill the year beforej' Why, your folks are cute summer and die ill winter: you're jist as chaps I vow, they'd puzzle a Philadelphia noisy in war as those little critters, but lawyer, they are so amazin' knowin'.' you sing small in peace. 'Ah,' said he, and he rubbed his hands " 'No, you're done for; you are up Do and smiled, like a young doctor when he tree, you may depend; pride must fall. gets his first patient; 'ah,' said he, 'if the Your town is like a ballroom arter a timber duties are altered, down comes St. dance. The folks have eat, drank, and John, body and breeches; it's built on a frolicked, and left an empty house; the poor foundation-it's all show; they are lamps and hangings are left, but the peo• speculatin' like mad; they'll ruin them- ple are gone.' selves.' Says 1, 'If' you wait till shey're " 'Is there no remedy for this?' said dead for your fortin', it will be one while, he; and he looked as wild as a Cherokee I tell you, afore you pocket the 'shiners, Indian. 'I'hinks I, the handle is fitted' on It's no joke waitin' for a dead man's proper tig-ht now. 'Well/ says I, 'when shoes. Suppose an old feller of eighty a man has a cold, he had ought to look was to say, " When that 'ere young feller out pretty sharp, afore it gets seated on dies, I'm to inherit his property," what his lungs; if he don't, he gets into a gal• would you think? Why, I guess you'd lopin' consumption, and it's a gone goose think he was an old fool. No, sir, if the with him. There is a remedy, if applied En[llisltdon't want the-irtimber, metlo want in time: make a railroad to Minas Basin, it all; we have used our'n up, we Itain't (lot and you lume a wayfOf' your customers to a stick even to whittle. If the British get to you, and a conveyancefOT your goods don't offer we will, and st. John, like a to them. When I was in New York last, a dear little weeping widow, will drr: up her cousin of mine. Hezekiah Slick, said to tears and take to froliekin' ag in, and me," I do believe, Sam, I shall be ruined: accept it right off. I've lost all my custom; they are widen- " 'There isn't at this moment such a ing and Improving the streets, and there's location hardly in America, as St. John; so many carts and people to work in it, for besides all its other advantag-es it has ,folks ("m't come to my shop to trade; this great one: its only rival, Halifax, has what. on rtirth sh-i ll I do? and I'm payin' got a dose of opium that will send it snor- a dreadful hijrh n~lIttoo." "Stop, Ki," mg out of the world, like a feller who falls R'l': l I, when the street is all finished off asleep on the ice of a winter's night. It ;';1(1 slicked up, they'll all come back ag'in, has been asleep so long, I actilly think it .md a whole raft more on 'em too; you'Il never will awake. It's an easy death too: sell twice as much as ever you did; you'll you may rouse them up, if yon like, hut I put off a proper swad of goods nextlear. vow I won't. I once brought a feller tl) you may depend;" and so be di , he that was drowned, and one night he ~ot made money hand over hand. A railroad drunk and quilted me; I couldn't walk for will bring back your customers, if done a week. Says I, " You're the last chap 1'11\right off; but wait till trade has made , ever save from drowning in all my born I new channels, and fairly gets settled in days if that's all the tlianks I get for it." them, and you'll never divart it ag'in to No, sir, Halifax has lost the run of its all eternity. When a feller waits till a custom. Who does Yarmouth trade with? gal gets married, I guess it will be too St. John. Who does Annapolis County late to pop the question then. trade with? St. John. Who do all the '" St.•John must go ahead, at any rate; folb on the Basin of Mines and Bay you may, if you choose, but/Yl»)t Jl1}\1)t,e Digitized by \.JUUCSL' 42 SAM SLIQK,

exert yourselves, I tell you. If a man has pend," said he, "a very clever country; only one leg, and wants to walk, he must full of mineral wealth, aboundin' in supe• get an artificial one. If you have no river, rior water privileges and noble harbors, a. make a railroad, and that will supply its large part of it prime land, and it is in the place.' , ' very heart of the fisheries. But the folks " , But,' says he, 'Mr. Slick, people say put me in mind of a sect in our country it never will pay in the world; they say they call the Grahamites: they eat no it's as mad a scheme as the canal.' 'Do meat, and no exciting food, and drink they, indeed?' says I; 'send them to me, nothin' stronger than water. They call it then, and I'll fit the handle on to them in philosophy (and that is such a pretty tu tu's. I say it will pay, and the best word It has made fools of more folks than proof is, our folks will take tu thirds of them afore now), but I call it tarnation the stock. Did you ever hear anyone nonsense. I once travelled all through else butyour folks ax whether a dose of the State of Maine with one of them 'ere medicine would pay when it was given to chaps. He was as thin as a whippin' save life? If that everlastin' long Erie post. His skin looked like a blown blad• Canal can secure to New York the supply del' arter some of the air had leaked out, of that far off country, most t'other side kinder wrinkled and rumpled like, and his of creation, surely a railroad of forty-five eye as dim as a lamp that's livin' on short miles can give you the trade of the Bay of allowance of ile.. He put me in mind of Fundy. A railroad will go from Halifax a pair of kitchen tongs, all legs, shaft, to Windsor, and make them one town, and head, and no belly; a real gander• easier to send goods from one to t'other gutted lookin' critter, as holler as a bam• than from Governor Campbell's house to boo walkin' cane, and twice as yaIler. Be Admiral Cockburn's. A bridge makes a actilly looked as if he had -been picked off town, a river make~ a tow.n, a c,anal makes a rack at sea, and dragged through a gtm• a town; but a radlroad 18' bridge, nver, let hole. He was a lawyer. Thinks I, thoroughfare, canal, aN in one: what a the Lord a massy on your clients, you whappin' large place that would make, Ihungry, half-starved lookin' critter lOU, . would'ut it? It would be the dandy, you'll e.at 'em up alive-as sure as the ord that's a fact. No, when you go back, take made Moses. You are just the chap to a piece of chalk, and the first dark night, strain at a gnat and swallow a camel, write on every door ill Halifax, in large tank, shank, and flank. all at a f7Ulp. letters-a railrotut ; and if they don't "Well, when we came to an inn, and a know the meanin' of it. says you. "It's a beefsteak was sot afore us for dinner, Yankee word; if you'll go to Sam Slick, he'd Ray, '0, that is too good for me, it's the clockmaker " (the chap that fixed a too exciting; all fat meat is diseased Yankee handle on to a Halifax blade,'-;- meat: give me some bread and cheese.' and I made him a scrape of my leg, as 'Well,' I'd say, 'I don't know what you much as to say that's you!) '" every man call too good, but it ain't good enough for that buys a clock shall hear all about a me, for I call it as tough as Iaushong, and railroad."'" that will bear chawing all day. When I liquidate for my dinner, I like to get about the best that's goin', and I ain't a 'CHAPTER XVIII. bit too well pleased if 1 don't.' Exciting, indeed! thinks 1. Lord, I should like to THE GBAHAMITE AND THE IRISH PILOT. see you excited, if it was only for the fun of the thing. What a temptin' lookin' "I THINK," said I, "this is a happy critter you'd be among the gals, wouldn't couutry, Mr. Slick. The people are fortu• you? Why, ,you look like a subject the nately -all of one origin; there are no doctor boys had dropped on the road national jealousies to divide., and no very arter they had dug you up, and had cut violent politics to agitate them. They stick and run for it. appear to be cheerful and contented, and " Well, when tea came, he said the same are a civil, good-natured, hospitable race. thing: 'It's too exciting j give me some Considering the unsettled state of almost water, do; that's follerin' the law of every part of the world. I think I would natur'.' 'Well,' says I, 'if that's the as soon cast my lot in Nova Scotia as in case, you ought to eat beef.' 'Why,' says an" part I know of." he, 'how do you make out that 'ere 'It's 1\ clever country, you may de- proposition 1»' 'Why,' says 1, 'if drink-

Digitized by Coogle THE CI~OCKMAKER. 43 ing water, instead of tea, is natur', so is to be quiet, for they have nothin' to fight 'eatin' grass according to natur'; now all about. As for politics, they have nothin' flesh-is grass, we are told, so you had bet- to desarve the name; but they talk about tel' eat that and call it vegetable; like a it, and a plaguy sight of nonsense they do man I once seed, who fasted on fish on a talk, too. Friday, and when he had done, whipped a "Now with us the country is divided leg 0' mutton into the oven, a}'1(1tookit into two pa.rties, of the mammoth breed, out fish. Says he, ., It's •changed plaice,' -the inti and the outs, the administration that's all ;" and ,. plaice." ain't a bad and the opposition. Hut whore's the ad• fish. The Catholics fast enough, gracious ministration here? . Where'& the war of• knows, but then they fast on a great flee, the foreign office, and the home of• rousin' big salmon, at two dollars and fice? where's the secretary of the navy? forty cents a pound, and lots of old Ma- where's the state bank? where's the am• de ira to make it float light on the stom- bassadors and diplomatists (them are the ach; there's some sense in mortifying the boys to wind off a snarl of ravellins as appetite arter that fashion, but plaguy slick as if it were an a reel), and whore's little ill your way. •No,' says I, 'friend, that ship of state, fitted up all the way you may talk about natur' as you please; from the forecastle clean up to the starn• I've studied natur' all my life, and I vow post, chock full of good S~~lg berths, if your natur' could speak out, it wou1d handsomely found and furnished, tier tell you it' don't over half like to be over tier, one above another, as thick as starved arter that plan. If you knowed it can hold? That's a helm worth hand• as much about the marks of the mouth as lin', I tell you; I don't wonderthat folks I do, you'd know that you have carniver- mutiny below, and fight on the decks ous as weil as graui verous teeth, and that above for it; it makes a plaguy uproar the natur' meant by that, you should eat most whole time, and keeps the passengers fo~ anything that 'ere doorkeeper, YOUl' nose, everlastingly in a state of alarm for fear would give a ticket to, to .pass into your they'd do mischief by b~stin' the biler, a mouth. Father rode a race at New York runnin' agroUlld, or gettin' foul of some course when he was neal' hand to seventy, other craft. -and that's more nor you'll do, I guess, " This province is better as it is, quieter -and he eats as hearty as a turkey cock; and happier far; they have berths enough and he never confined himself to water and big enough; they should be careful• neither, when he could get anything con- not to increase 'em; and if they were to vened him better. Says he, "Sam, grand- do it over ag'in, perhaps :they'd he as well father Slick used to say there was au old with fewer. They have two parties here, proverb in Yorkshire, ' A full belly makes the Tory party an,1. the Opposition party, a stron${ hack,' and I guess if .you try it, and both on 'em run to extremes. Them natur' will tell you sotoo." If ever you radicals, says OIlL, are for levelliu' all go to Connecticut, jist call into father's, down to their own level, though not a peg and he'll give you a re....lright down genu- lower; that's their' g'auge, jiRt down to ine New England breakfast, and if that their own notch and no further; and don't happify your heart, then my name's they'd agitate the whole country to ob• not Sam Slick. It will make you feel tain that object, for if a man can't grow about among the stiffest, I tell you. It to be as tall as his neighbor, if he cuts a will blow your jacket out like a pig at few inches off him, why, then they are sea. You'll have to shake a reef or two both of one height. They are a most out of your waistban's and make good dangerous, disaffected people; they are stowage, I guess, to carry it all under etarnally appealin' to the worst passions hatches. There's nothin' like a good pas- of the mob. Well, says t'other, them aris• tur' to cover the ribs, and make the hide tocrats, they'll ruinate the country; thcy shine, depend on't.' spend the whole revenue on themselves. " Now this province is like that 'ere What with bankers, councillors, judges, Graliamite lawyer's beef,-it's too good bishops, and public officers, and a whole for the folks that's in it; they either don't tribe of lawyers, as hungry as hawks. and avail its value or won't use it, because jist about as marciful, the country is de• work ain't arter their' law of natur'.' As voured, as if there was a flock of locusts ylm say, they are quite enouch (there's a feedin' on it. There's nothing left for worse folks than the Bluenoses, too, if J roa.<18andbl'id.ge.s. When. a c.hap sets out you come to that), and ~f) iher had o»,ght to canvass, hli"l J;ot to anta:"-QJ~izeonesirlft

Di~itized by Google

.r:> 44 SAM SL~CK,

or t'other. If he hangs on to the powers them g'1tides,I'd make short work of 'em, that be, then he's a councilman; he's for if it was me. rotin' large salaries, for doin' as the great "In-the last war with Britain, the Con• people at Halifax tell him. He is a fool. stitution frigate was close in once on the if he is on t' other side, a railin' at banks, shores of Ireland" a lookin' arter some judges, lawyers, and such cattle, and merchant ships, and she took on board a uawlin' for what he knows he can't get, pilot.; :vell, _he was a deep, sly, twistioal then he is a rogue. So that, if you were lookin chap,' as you e'enamost ever seed. to listen to the weak and noisy critters on He had a sort of dark, down look about IJoth sides, you'd believe the House of him, and a leer out of the corner of one Assembly wasone half rogues and t'other eye, like a horse that's goin' to kick. half fools. All this arises from ignorance. The captain guessed he read in his face If they knew more oJ each other, I [Jue~8 'Well, now, it I was to run this here Yan: they'd lay a~ide one Itall tkci» [ears and all kce rightslap on a rock and bilsre her the their abuse. The upper classes don't know king would make a man of m; for e~er.' one half the virtue that' 8 in the middlin' and so says he to the first lefteuant, ' Reeve a __lowerclasses; and they don't know one hal/ rope through that 'ere block at the tip the integrity and [food feelin' that' 8 ill the eeud of the fore yard and clap a runnin' others; and both are fooled and gulled noose in it.' The leftenant did it as quick by their own noisy and de~i{)nin' champions. as wink, and came back, and says he, ' I Take any two men that are by the ears, r-uess it's done.' Now, says the captain, they opinionate .all they hear of each look here, pilot; here's a rope you hain't other. impute all sorts of onworthy mo• seed yet; I'll jist explain the use of it to tives, and misconstrue every act; let them you in case you want the loan of it. If see ,more of each other, and they'll find this here frigate, manned with our free out to their surprise that they had not and enlightened citizens, gets aground, only been looking through a magnifying I'll give you a ride on the slack of that glass that warn'f very true, but a colored 'ere rope, right up to that yard by the oue also, that changed the complexion, neck, by gum.' WeH, it rubbed all the and distorted the features; and each one writin' out of his face as quick as spittin' will think t' other a very good kind of Oil a slate takes a sum out, you may de• chap and hke as not a plaguy pleasant pend. Now, they should rig up a crane one too. over the street door of the State House at "If it was axed which side was farthest Halifax, and when any of the pilots at . from the mark in this province, I vow I either eend of the huildin' run 'em on the should he puzzled to say. As Idon't belong breakers on purpose, string 'em up like to the country, and don't care a snap of my an onsaf'e dog. A sign of that 'ere kind, finger for either of 'em, I suppose I 'can with' A house of public entertainment' judge better than any man in it; hy~ I painted under it, would do the business snore I don't think there's much differ• in less than no time, If it wculdn't keep ence. The popular side-I won't say pa• the hawks out of the poultry yard, it's a triotic, for we find in our steam boats a pity; it would scare them out of a year's man who has a plaguy sight of property PTowth, that's a fact; if they used it once, in his portmanter is quite as anxious for I guess they wouldn't have occasion for it its safety as him that's only one pair of ag'in in a hurry; it would be like the aloe varn stockings and a clean shirt, is for tree, that bears fruit ouly once in a hun• his'n-the popular side are not so well in• dred yea,]'s. formed as t'other, and they-have the mis• ..[f yon want to know how to act any fortin' of havin' their passions addressed time, Squire, never go to books; leave more than their reason, iherefore they them to gals and schoolboys; but go right are often out of the way, or rather led off and cipher it out of natur', that's a out of it, and put astray by bad guides ; sure guide; it will never deceive you, you well, t'dther side have the prejudices of may depend, For instance, ' What'8 that hirth and education to dim their vision, to me 'I' is a phrase so common that it and are alarmed to undertake a thing, shows it's a natural one, when people from the dread of ambush, or open foes, have no particular interest in a thing. that their guides are etarnally descrying Well, when a feller gets so warm on either in the mist; and besides, pouier has a side as never to use that phrase at all, Ilatural tendency to corpulency. As for watch him, that's an I keep your eye on

Digitized by Google THE CLOCKMAKER. 45 I him, or he.'ll walk right fnto you afore I beard, and ,of course misapplied and mis· you know where rou· be. If a man runs understood. to me and says, Your fence is down,' "She was run down by the President," , Thank you,' says I, . that's kind.' If he said I, "and has been laid up for some comes ag'in and says, 'I guess some stray time. Gulard's people have stripped her, cattle have broke into your short sarce in consequence of her making water so garden,' I thank him again; says I, 'Come fast." now, that is neighborly;" but when he "Stripped whom?" said Mrs. Pug• keeps etarnally tellin' me this thing of I wash, as she suddenly dropped the teapot one sarvant, and that thing of another from her hand "stripped whom,-for sarvant, hints that my friend ain't. true, heaven's sake tell me who it is?" tha.t my neighbors are inclined to take ad- "The Lady Ogle," said I. vantage of me, and that suspicious folks "Lady Ogle 1''' said she, "how hor- are seen about my place, I say to myself, rid!" . what on airth makes this critter take such "Two of her ribs were so broken as to a wonderful interest ill my affairs? I require to be replaced with new ones." don't like to hear such tales; be's arter 0 "Two Dew rills !" said she, I" well somethin' as sure as the world, if he' I never heerd the beat of that in all my warn't he'd say, 'What's that to me" I born days; poor critter, how she must never believe much what I hear said by a have suffered." man's violent friend, 01' violent enemy. I "On examining her below the waist want to bear what a disinterested man they found"- has to say. Nou»; as a di.'finterested man, I "Examining her still lower," said she 8ay if the members of the House of As.'Jembly, (all the pride of her sex revolting at the .instead Qf raisin' up ghost.'j and hobgoblins idea of such an indecent exhibition}, "you to frighten folks with, and to show what don't pretend to say they stripped her be• .suiordsmen. they be, a cuttin' and a thrusiin' low the waist. What did the admiral (J,tphantoms that unly exist in their own say? Did he stand by and see her han• brains, would turn to, heart and luuui, and dled in that way? " develop the resources of thi« fine country, "The admiral, madam," said I, "did facilitate the mcan.~oj transportcpromote its not trouble his bead-about it. They found internal improvement, tuul encourtute its her extremely unsound there, and much foreign trade, they would make it the richest worm-eaten." and greate,st, as it now i.'I one of th» happiest "Worm-eaten," she continued, "how sections of all America.. I hope I m.ay be awful! it must. have been them nasty jig• skinned if they woullln't-they would, I gel's that got in there; they tell me t~ley swan." are dreadful thick in the West Indies'; Joe Crow had them in his feet, and lost two of his toes. Worm-eaten, dear, dear t CHAPTER XIX. but still that ain't so bad as having thorn great heIellows strip one. I promise you THE CLOCKMAKER QUILTS A BLUENOSE. if them Gulards had undertaken to strip me, ]'11 taught them different guess man THE descendants of Eve have profited ners ; I'd died first before I'd submitted little by her example. .I'he curiosity of to it. I always heerd tell the English the fair sex is still insatiable, and, as it is quality ladies were awful bold, but I never often ill directed, it frequently terminates heerd the like o' that." in error. In the country this feminine "\Vhat on ahth are you drivin' at?" propensity is troublesome to a traveller, said Mr. Slick. " I. never Reed you so and -he who would avoid importunities much out ill your latitude afore, marm, I . would do well to announce at once, on his vow. \Ve were talkin' of repairin' a ves• arrival at a Cumberland inn, his name sel. not stripin' a woman: what under th~ and his business, the place of his abode, sun could hnve put that 'ere crotchet in• and the length of his visit. to you 1'11 cad ?" She looked mortified and Our beautiful hostess, Mrs. Pugwash, hum :i" l at the result of her own absurd as she took her seat at the breakfast ta• curiosity. and soon quitted the room, "I ble this morning, exhibited the example thought I should have snorted right out that suggested these reflections. She two or three times," said the elockmaker; was struck with horror at our conversa• "I had to pucker up my mouth like the ti.:n, the latter part only of which she l,l:ppel' eend of a, silk puss, to keep from -Digitized by Google 4:6 SA.MSLICK, yawhawin' in her face, to hear the critter deed," said I, " a horse kicking, and a. maa let her clapper run that fashion. She is striking him at the same time!' not the first hand that has caught a lob- "Oh Inot arter that pattern at all," said ster, by puttin' in her oar afore her turn, he;" Lord, if old Clay had kicked him, I guess. She'll mind her stops next he'd a smashed him like that 'ere saucer hitch, I reckon." This was our last you broke at PugnOSE:\'Sinn, into ten breakfast at Amherst. hundred thousand million flinders. Ob, An early frost that smote the potato no! if I didn't fix his flint for him in fa.ir fields, and changed the beautiful green play it's a pity. I'll tell you how it was. color of the Indian corn into shades of I was up to Truro, at Ezl'a Whitter's inn. light yellow and dark brown, reminded There was an arbitration there atween me of the presence of autumn, of the sea- Deacon Text and Deacon Faithful. Wen, sou of short days and bad roads. I deter. there was a nation sight of folks there, for mined to proceed at once to Parrsboro', they said it was a biter bit, and they came and thence by the Windsor and Kentville to witness the sport, and to see which crit• route to Annapolis, Yarmouth, and Shel- ter would get the ear-mark, burne, -and to return by the shore road, " Well, I'd been doin' a little business through Liverpool and Lunenburg, to there among the folks, and had jist sot off Halifax. I therefore took leave (though for the river, mounted on old Clay, arter not without much reluctance) of the takin' a glass of Ezra's most particular, clockmaker, whose intention had been to handsum Jamaiky, and was trottin' oft go to Fort Lawrence. 'pretty slick, when who should I run ag'in "Well," said he, "I vow I am sorry to but Tim Bradley. He is a dreadful ugly, part company along with you; a consid- cross-grained critter, as you e'enamost erable long journey like our-n, is like sit- ever seed, when he is about half-shaved. ting up late with the gals: a body knows Well, I stopped short, and says I, • Mr. it's gettmg on pretty well towards morn- Bradley, I hope you bean't hurt; I'm in', and yet feels loth to go to bed, for it's proper sony I run ag'in you; you can't just the time folks grow sociable. I got feel uglier than I do about it, I do assure a scheme in my head," said he, "that I you.' He called me a Yankee peddler, a think will answer both on us; Lgot debts eheatin' vagabond,·a wooden nutmeg, and due to me in all them 'ere places for threw a good deal of assorted hardware of clocks sold by the consarn ; now suppose that kind at me; and the crowd of folks. you leave YOU1'horse on these marshes cried out, 'Down with the Yankee!' this fall; he'll get as fat as a fool, he won't 'Let him have it, Tim I' .' Teach him bet• be able to see out of his eyes in a month; ter manners!? and they carried on pretty and I'll put 'Old Clay' (I call him Clay high, I tell you. WeH,I got my dander up arter our senator, who is a prima. bit of too, I felt ail up on eend like; and thinks I stuff) into a Yankee wagon I have here, to myself, My lad, if!get a clever chance, and drive yon all round the coast." I'll give you such a quiltin' as you never This was too good an offer to be de- had since you were raised from a seedlin' , clined. A run at grass for my borse, an I vow. So says I, 'Mr. Bradley, I guess you easy and comfortable wagon, and a guide had better let me be; you know I can't so original and amusing as Mr. Slick, were fight no more than a cow; I never was eitherof them enough to induce my acqui- broughtup to wranglin', I don't like it.' escence. 'Haul QiI the cowardly rascal! ' they all As soon as we had taken our seats in bawled out, ' haul him off and lay it into the wagon, he observed,- him!' So he lays right hold of me by the ,. We shall progress real hand sum now; collar, and gives me a pull, and I lets on that 'ere horse goes etarnal fast; he neal' as if I'd lost my balance, and falls right .~bout set my axle on fire twice. He's a down, Then I jumps up on eend, and spanker, you may depend. I had him says I, 'Go ahead, Clay,' and the old horse when he was a two-year-old, all legs and be sets off ahead, so i knew I had him tail, like a devil's daruin' needle, and had when I wanted him. ' Then,'· says I, ' I him broke on purpose by father's 010 nig- hope you are satisfied llow, Mr. Bradley, gel', January Snow. He knows English with that 'ere ungenteel fall yon gin me! real well, and can do near about anything Well, he makes a blow at me, and I dodged but speak it. He helped me once to gin it. 'Now,' says I,' you'll be sorry for this, a Bluenose a proper handsum quiltin';" I tell you; I won't be treated .this way _f(>r " JJ~ !-:"':'~~t h~e stood a ~oor cpanc.~~9-. P9tbin', I'll If€> rj~bt oft and sw~a! !flYUti

Diqitized by Google

__:--=~-----~.- - THE CLOCKMAKER. 47

ag'in you· I'm mOlt afesrd you'll murder half measured. Thinks I, Friend Bradley, me.' Weil, he strikes at me ag'in, thinkin' I hope you know yourself now, for I vow he had a genuine soft horn to deal with, no livin' soul would j you swallowed your and hits me in the shoulder. 'Now,' says soup without singin' out scaldins, and I, ' I won't stand here to be lathered like you're near about a pint and a half nearer a dog all day long this fashion, it ain't cryin' than Iarfin', pretty at all; I guess I'll give you a chase " Yes, as I was sayin', this Old Clay is for it.' Off I sets arter my horse like mad, a real knowin' one; he's as spry as a colt and he arter me (I did that to get clear of yet, clear grit, ginger to the backbone; I the crowd, so that I might have fair play can't help a thinkin' sometimes the breed at him). Well, I soon found I had the must have come from old Kentuck, half heels of him, and could play him as I liked. horse, half alligator, with a cross of the Then I slackened up a little, and when he airthq uake, came close up to me, so as nearly to lay " I hope I may be teetotally ruinated, if his hand 'upon me, I squatted right whap I'd take eight hundred dollars for him. down, all short, and he pitched over me Go ahead, you old clinker-built villain," near about a rod" or so, I guess, on his says he, "and show the gentleman how head, and ploughed up the ground with his wonderful handsum you can travel. Give nose the matter of a foot or two. If he him the real Connecticut quickstep. didn't polish up the coulter, and both That's itl that's the way to carry the mouldboards of his face, it's a pity. President's message to Congress. from e Now,' says I,' you had-better lay where Washington to New York in no time! you be and let me go, for I am proper that's the go to carry a gal from Boston tired; I blow like a horse that's got the to Rhode Island, and trice her up to a heaves; and besides,' says I,'I guess you justice to be married, afore her father's had better wash your face, for I am most out of bed of a summer's mornin'. Ain't afeared you hurt yourself.' That riled he a beauty? a real doll? none of your him properly; I meant that it should; so Cumberland critters, that the more you he ups and at me awful spiteful, like a quilt them, the more they won't go; but a bull; then I lets him have it, right, left, proper one, that will go free gratis for rigbt, jist three corkers, beginning with notbin', all out of his head volunterrily. the right hand, shifting to the left, and Yes, a horse like Old Clay is worth the then with the right hand ag'in. This way whole seed, breed, and generation of the I did it," said the clockmaker (and he Amherst beasts put together. He's a showed me the manner in whioh it was horse every inch of him, stock, lock, and done);" it's a beautiful way of hitting, barrel, is Old Clay." . and always does the business-a blow for each eye, and one for the mouth. It sounds like ten pounds ten on a blaca• smith's anvil; I bunged up both eyes for CHAPTER XX. him, and put in the dead lights in tu tu's, and drew three of- his teeth, quicker a SISTER SALL'S COUBTSBlP. plaguy sight than the Truro doctor could, to save his soul alive. 'Now,' says I, 'my " THEREgoes one of them 'ere everlast• friend, when you recover your eyesight'I in' rottin' poles in that bridge; they are guess you'll see your mistake; I warn't no better than a trap for a critter's leg," born in the woods to be scared by an owl. said the clockmaker, "!flley remind me The next time you feel in a most particu- of a trap Jim Munroe put his foot in one lar elegant good humor, come to me, and night, that near about made one leg half I'll flay you the second part of that iden- a yard longer than t'other. I believe I tica same tune, that's a fact. told you of him, what a desperate idle fel- "With that I whistled for Old Clay, ler he was; he came from Onion County and back he comes, and I mounted and off in Connecticut. Well, he was oourtin' jist as the orowd came up. The folks Sister Sall, She was a real handsum looked staggered, and wondered a little looking gal j you scarce ever seed a more grain how it was done so cleverly in short out-and-out complete critter than she metre. If I didn't quilt him in no time, was; a fine fig-ur' head, and a beautiful you may depend; I went right slap into model of a craft as any in the State, a real him, like a flash of lightning into a goose-/ clipper, and as full of fun and frolic as a _berry bush. He found his suit ready I kitten. Well, he fairly turned SaIl's head; made and fitted afore ho thought he was the more we wanted her se- give him up, Digitized by\...::rUogLe 48 _SAM.SLICK, the more she wouldn't, and we got plaguy old Bunker right through the panel. c Pll oneasy about it, for his character was chop you up as fine as mince-meat, you none of the best. He was a universal villain,' said he, "if I catch you inside my favorite with the gals though he didn't door a~'in; mind what I tell, you, you'll behave very pretty neither, forgetting to .~wingjor it yet.' Well, he made himself marry where he promised, and where he considerable scarce arter that; he never hadn't ought to have forgot too; yet so it sot foot inside the door ag'in, and I was, he had such an. uncommon winnin' thought he had gin up all hopes of Sall, way with him, he could talk them over in and she of him; when one night, a most no time. Sall was fairly bewitched. particular uncommon dark night, as I was " At last, father said to him one even• a comin' home from neighbor Dearborne's ing when he carne a courtin", 'Jim,' says I heerd some one a talkin' under Sall's he, 'youtH never come to no good, if you window. Well, I stops and listens, and act like Old Scratch as you do; you ain't who should be near the ash saplin' but fit to come into no decent man's house at Jim Munroe, a tryin' to persuade San to all, and your absence would be ten times run off with him to Rhode Island to be more agreeable than your company, I tell married. It was all settled he should you. I won't consent to Sall's goin' to come with a horse and shay to the gate, them 'ere buskin' parties and quiltin' and then help her out the window, jist at frolics along with you no more, on no ac• nine O'clock, about thetime she common• count, for you know how Polly Brown and ly went to bed. Then be axes ber to Nancy White' -' Now don't,' says he, reach down her hand for him to kiss (for , now don't, Uncle Sam, say no more about be was proper clever at soft sawder) and that; if you know'd all, you wouldn't say she stretched it down, and he kisses it; it was my fault; and besides, I have and says he, 'I believe I must have tbe turned right about; I am on t'other tack whole of you out arter all,' and gives now, and the long leg, too; I am as steady bel' a jerk that kinder startled her: it as a pump bolt now. I intend to settle carne so sudden like it made her scream; myself and take a farm.' 'Yes, yes; and so off he sot, hot foot, and over the gate, you could stock it, too, by all accounts, in no time. pretty well, unless you are much misre• " Well, I ciphered over this an night, a ported,' says father, 'but it won't do. I calculatin' how I should reciprocate that knew your father, he was our sargeant; a trick with him, and at last I hit upon a proper clever and brave man he was too; scheme. I recollected father's words at he was one of the heroes of our glorious partin', ' Mind what I tell you, you'll swing Revolution. I had a great respect for for it yet;' and thinks I, Friend Jim, I'll him and I am sorry, for his sake, you make that prophecy come true yet, I guess. will act as you do; but I tell you once for So the next night, jist at dark, I give~ all you must give up all thoughts of Sall, January Snow, the old nigger, a nidge now and for everlastin'.' When Sall heerd with my elbow, and as soon as he looks this, she began to knit away like mad, in up, I winks and walks out, and he arter a desperate. hurry; she looked foolish me. Says I, ' January, can you keep your enough, that's a fact. First she tried to tongue within your teeth, you old nig~er, bite in her breath, and look as if therewas you?' 'Why massa, why you ax that ere nothin' particular in the wind, then she question? my Gor A'mity, you tink old blushed all over like scarlet fever, but she Snow he don't know that 'ere yet? my recovered that pretty soon; and then her tongue he got plenty room now, debil & color went and came, and carne and went, tooth left; he can stretch out ever so far, till at last she grew as white as chalk and like a little leg in a big bed, he lay qniet down she fell slap offher seat on the floor enough, massa, ueber fear.' 'Well, then,' in a faintin' fit. 'I see,' says father, 'I see says I, ' bend down that 'ere ash saplin' it now, you etarnal villain,' and he made a softly, you old Snowball, and make no pull at the old-fashioned 'sword that always noise.' The saplin' was no sooner pent hung over the fireplace (we used to call it than secured to the ground by a notched old Bunker, for his stories always begun, peg and a noose, and a slip-not was sus• , When I was at Bunker Hill'), and draw• pended from the tree, jist over the track ing it out made a clip at him as wicked as that led from the pathway to the house. if he was stabbing a rat with a hayfork; , W·hymy Gor, massa, that's a '- 'Hold but Jim, he outs of the door like a shot, your mug, you old nigger,' sa.,s I, 'or I'll I'ud draws it to arter him, and father sends send your tongue a sarchin aorter TOur

Digitized by Google THE CLOCK~rAKER. 49

teeth; keep quiet, and follow me in pre• cut him down.' The lantern was soon sently.' made ready, and out we went to the ash I "Well, jist as it struck nine o'clock, saplin'. ' Cut me down, Ham ! that's a BaysI

snare till arter the weddin', When the about the matter of half a, pint or 80, snd , minister had finished axin' a blessin', cups and sarcers about the bigness of father goes up to Jim, and says he, 'Jim children's toys. When he seed that, he Munroe, my boy,' givin' him a rousin' grew most peskily riled, his under lip slap on the shoulder that sot him a curled down like a peach leaf that's got a . coughin' for the matter of five minutes worm in it, and he stripped his teeth and (for he was a mortal powerful man, was showed his grinders, like a bull-dog. father), 'Jim Munroe, my boy,' says he, 'What foolery is this?' said he. 'My 'you've got the snare round your neck, deal',' said she, it's the foolery of being I guess now, instead. of your leg; the sap• governor; if you choose' to sacrifice all lin' has been a father to you; you may be your comfort to being the first rung in the father of many s~plins.' the ladder, don't blame me for it. I " We had a most special time of it, you didn't nominate you' I had no art nor may depend, all except the minister; part in it. It was cooked up. at that 'ere father got him into a corner, and gave him convention, at Town Hall.' Well, he sot chapter and verse for the whole war. for some time without sayin' a word, Every now and then as I come near them, lookin' as black as a thunder-cloud, just I heard Bunker's Hill, Brandywine, Clin• ready to make all natur' crack ag'in. At ton, Gates, and so on. It was broad day last he gets up, and walks round behind when we parted, and the last that went his wife's chair, and takin' her face be• was poor minister. Father followed him tween his two hands, he turns it up and clean down to the gate, and says he, gives her a buss that went off like a pis• 'Minister, we hadn't time this hitch, or tol; it fairly made my mouth water to see I'd a told you all about the E'IJakyation of him; thinks I,. Them lips ain't a bad New York, but I'll tell you tha.t the next bank to deposit one's spare kisses in, time we meet.' " neither. 'Increase, my dear,' said he, 'I believe you are half right; I'll decline to• morrow, I'll have nothing to do with it. I won't be a governor, on no account.' CHAPTER XXI. "Well, she had to haw and gee like, both a little, afore she.could get her head SETTING UP FOR GOVERNOR. out of his hands; and then she said, 'Zachariah,' says she, 'how you do act' "I NEVER see one ~f them queer little ain't you ashamed? Do for gracious' old-fashioned teapots, like that 'ere in the sake behave yourself t' and she colored cupboard of Marm Pugwash," said the up all over like a crimson piany; 'if you elockmaker, "that I don't think of Law- haven't foozled all my hair too, that's a .yer Crowningshield and his wife. When fact,' says she; and she put her curls to I was down to Rhode Island Jast, I spent rights, and looked as pleased as fun, an evening with them. After.I had been though poutin' all the time, and walked there awhile, the black house-help brought right out of the room. Presently in come in a littJe home-made dipped candle, stuck two well-dressed house-helps, one with a in a turnip sliced in two, to make it stand splendid gilt lamp, a real London touch, straight, and sot it down on the table. and another with a tea tray, with a large 'Why,' says the lawyer to his wife, 'In• solid silver coffee-pot, and teapot, and a crease, my dear, what on earth is the cream jug, and sugar bowl, of the same meanin' 0' that? What does little Viney genuine metal, and a most elegant set of mean by bringin' in such a light as this, real gilt china. Then in came Mann that ain't fit for even a log hut of one of Crowningshield herself, looki.n' as proud our free and enlightened citizens away as if she would not call the President her down East; where's the lamp?' 'My cousin; and she gave the lawyer a look, dear,' says she, 'I ordered it-you know as much as to say, I guess when Mr. Slick they are a goin' to set you up for gover• is gone, I'll pay you off that 'ere kiss with nor next year, and I allot we must econo• interest, you dear, you; I'll answer a bill mize or we will be ruined; the salary is. at sight for it, I will you may depend. 'I only four hundred dollars a year, you believe,' said he ag'in, 'you are right, know, and you'll have to give up your Increase, my dear, it's an expensive kind practice; we can't afford nothin' now.' of honor that, hein' governor, and 110 "Well, when tea was hrought in, there great thanks neither; great cry and little was a little wee china teapot, that held wool; all talk and no cider. It'i enougl

Digitized by Google

. ~-_.._ -_ --- .------__._ ---~...:.-.------THE CLOCKMAKER.

I guess, for a man to govern his own us properly; we actillv thought it was family, ain't it, deal'?' 'Sartin, my love,' the sheriff' do come in.! said she, 'sartin, a man is never so much "Poor thing, she looked half starved in his own proper sphere as there; and be• and half savage; hunger and temper had sides,' said she, 'his will is supreme to made proper strong lines in her face, like home; there is no danger of anyone non• water furrows in a ploughed field; she concurring him there;' and she gave me looked bony and thin, like a horse that a sly look, as much as to say, I let him has had more work than oats, and had a think he is master in his own house, for wicked expression, as though it waru't when ladies wear the breeches, their petti• over safe to come too near her heeis,• coats ought to be long enough to hide an everlastin' kicker. ' You may come them; but I allot, Mr. Slick, you can see out, John,' said she to her husband, 'it's with half an eye that the' gray mare is only Mr. Slick;' and out came John from the better horse' here. under the bed backwards, on all fours, "-What a pity it is," continued the clock• like an ox out of the shoein' frame, or a maker, "that the Bluenoses would not lobster skullin' wrong eend foremost; he take a leaf out of Marm Crowningshield's looked as wild as a hawk. Well, I swan . book,-talk more of their own affah's and I thought I should have split-I could less of politics. I'm sick of the everlastin' hardly keep from bursting right out with sound of 'House of Assembly,' and larfter; be was all covered with feathers, , Council,' and' great folks.' They never lint, and dust, the savins of all the sweep• alleviate talking about them from July to iu's since the house was built, shoved un• etarnity. del' there for tidiness. He actilly sneezed "I had a curious conversation about for the matter of ten minutes; he seemed politics once, away up to the right here. half-choked with the flaff and stuff, that Do you see that' ere house," said he, ,. in came out with him like a cloud. Lord, the field, that's got a lurch to leeward, he looked like a goose half picked, as if like a North River sloop struck with a all the quills were gone, but the pin• squall off West Point, lopsided like? It feathers and down were left, jist ready looks like Seth Pine, a tailor down to for singein' and stuffin'. He put me in Hartford, that had one leg shorter than mind of a sick adjutant, a great tall t'other, when he stood at ease at militia hulkin' bird, that comes from the East trainin', a restiu' on the littlest one. Well, Jndgies, a'most as high as a man, and I had a special frolic there the last time I most as kuowin ' as a Bluenose. I'd a passed this way. I lost the-linch-pin out gin a hundred dollars to have -had that of my forrard axle, and I turned up there ohap as a show at a fair; tar and feathers to get it sot to rights. Just as I drove warn't half as nateral. You've seen a through the gate, I saw the eldest gal a gal both larf and cry at the same time, makin ' for the house for dear life. She hain't you? Well, I hope I may be shot had a short petticoat on that looked like if I couldn't have done the same. To see 3. kilt, and her bare legs put me in mind that critter come like a turkey out of a of the long shanks of a. bittern down in a bag at Christmas, to be fired at for ten rush swamp, a drivin' away like mad full cents a shot, was as good as a play; but chisel arter a frog. I could not think to look round and see the poverty-the what on airth was the matter. Thinks I, half-naked children, the old pine stumps She wants to make herself look decent for chairs; a small bin of poor, watery, like afore I get ill; she don't like to pull yaller potatoes in the corner; daylight her stockings on afore me. So I pulls up through the sides and roof of the house, the old horse and let her have a fair start. looking like the tarred seams of- a ship, Well, when I came to the door, I heard a all black where the smoke got out; no proper scuddin'; there was ·30 regular utensils for cookin' or eatin', and starva• flight into Egypt. jist such a noise as lit• tion wrote as plain as a handbill on their tle children make when the mistress holler cheeks, skinny fingers, and sunk comes suddenly into school, all a huddliu ' eyes-went right straight to the heart. and scroud ·in' into their seats, as quick I do declare I believe I should have cried, as wink. 'Dear me I' says the old woman, only they didn't seem to mind it them• as she put her head out of a broken selves. They had been used to it; like a window to avail who it was, 'is it you Mr. man that's married to a thunderin' ugly tml.:k? l t;niggers,·if you didn't frighten wife, he gets so accustomed to the look o~.

Digitized by Google 52 SAM SLICK,

her everlastin' disMal mag, that he don't slapjacks, or hominy; 01' what is better think her ugly at all. still, a glass of real genuine splendid mint "Well, there was another chap a settin' julep; whe-eu-up, it fairly makes my by the fire, and he did look as if he saw mouth water to think of it. •I wonder,' it, and felt it too; he didn't seem over says one, 'what they will do for us this half pleased, you may depend. He was winter in the House of Assembly? ' the district schoolmaster, and he told me 'N othin',' says the other, 'they never do he was takin' a spell at board in' there, nothin' but what the great people at Hali• for it was their tum to keep him. Thinks fax tell' em. Squire Yeoman is the man; I to myself, poor devil you've brought he'll pay up the great folks this hitch; your pigs to a pretty market, that's a fact. he'll let 'em have their own; he's jist the I see hifw it is, the Bluenoses can't cipher. boy that can do it.' Says I, 'I wish I The cat's out of the bag now; it's no could say all men were as honest then, wonder they don't go ahead, for they for I am afeared there are a great many don't know nothin'; the 'scboolmas- won't pay me up this winter; I should ter is abroad,' with the devil to it, for he like to trade with your friend; who is has no home at all.· Why Squire, you he?' •Why,' says he, 'he is the member might jist as well expect a horse to go for Isle Sable County, and if he don't let right off.in gear before he is halter broke, the great folks have it, it's a pity.' 'Who as a Bluenose to get on in the world when do you call great folks? for,' said I, 'I he has got no scboolin'. vow I haven't seed one since I came here. "But to get back to my story. 'Well,' The only one that I know that comes near says I, 'how's times with you, Mrs. hand to one is Nicholas Overknocker, that . Spry \>' 'Dull,' says she, 'ver~ dull; lives all along shore, about Marga:t;et's there's no markets now, things don t fetch Bay, and he is a great man,-it takes a nothin",' Thinks I, some folks hadn't yoke of oxen to drag him. When I flrst ought to complain of markets, for they seed him,' says I, 'What on airth is the don't raise nothin' to sell, but I didn't matter 0' that man? has he the dropsy? say so; jor poverty is keen enough, uiithout for he is actilly the greatest man I ever sharpening its edge by pokin' fun at it. seed; he must weigh the matter of five 'Potatoes,' says I, 'will fetch a good price hundredweight; he'd cut three inches on this fall, for it's a short crop in a general the rib; he must have a proper sight of way; how's your'n ?' , Grand,' says she, lard, that chap.' ' No,' says I, 'don't call 'as complete as ever you seed; our tops 'em great men, for there ain't a great man were small and didn't look well; but we in the country, that's a fact; there ain't have the handsomest bottoms it's gener- one that desarves the name; folks will ally allowed in all our place; you never only larf at you if you talk that way. seed the beat of them; they are actilly There may be some rich men, and I be• worth lookin' at.' I vow I had to take a lieve there be, and it's a pity there warn't chaw of tobaccy to keep from snorting more on 'em, and a still greater pity they right out, it sounded so queer like. have so little spirit or enterprise among Thinks I to myself, Old lady, it's a l'ity 'em; but a country is none the worse you couldn't be changed eend for eend having rich men in it, you may depend .. then, as some folks do their stockings: it Great folks! well, come, that's a. good would improve the look of your dial-plate joke, that bangs the bush. No, my amazingly then, that's a fact. friend,' says I, 'the nteat that's at the "N ow there was human natur', Squire," top of the barrel is sometimes not so good said the clockmaker, "there was pride as that thlt'lf a little urain. lower down: the even in that hovel. It is found in rags as upper atul lower eetuis are plar;uy apt to well as kings' robes,-where butter is have a little taint in 'em but the middle is spread with the thumb as well as the always [Iood.' - silver knife; natur' is natur' wherever you '" Well,' says the Bluenose, 'perhaps .find it. they bean't g-reat men, exactly in that "Jist then, in came one or two neigh- sense, but they are great men compared bors to see the sport, for-they took me for to us poor folks; and they eat up all the a sheriff, or constable, or something of revenue; there's nothin' left for roads that breed, and when they saw it was me and bridrres; they want to ruin the coun• they sot down to hear the news; they fell I try, that's a fact.' 'Waut to ruin your right to at politics as keen as anything, as granny,' says I (for it raised my dander if it had been a dish of real Connecticut to hear the critter talk such nonsense). Digitized by Google THE CLOCKMAKER. 63

'I did hear of one chap,' says I, 'that over half like to be scolded too; 80 says I" sot tiro to his own house once, up to "Yes, father; but recollect you had a mud Squantum, but the cunnin' rascalmsured bank to hide behind, where you were it first; now how can your great folks proper safe, and you had a rest for your ruin the country without ruinin' them- guns too; but as soon as you seed a little selves, unless they have insured the more than the whites of their eyes you province? . Our folks will insure all crea- run for your dear life, full split;" and so I tion for half nothin,' but I never heerd don't see much to brag on in that arter tell of a country being insured ag'in rich all, so come now." "I'll teach you tit) men. Now if you ever go to Wall Street talk that way, you puppy you," said he, to get such a policy, leave the door open "of that glorious day;" and he fetched behind you, that's all; or they'll grab me a wipe that I do believe, if 1. hadn't a right hold of you, shave your head and dodged, would have spoiled 111Ygunnin' blister it, clap a strait-ja.cket on you, and for that hitch; so I gave' him a wide berth whip you right into a madhouse afore arter that all day. Well, the next time I you can say Jack Robinson. No, your missed, -says I, "She hung fire so ever• great men are nothin' but rich men, and I lastinly, it's no wonder;" and the next can tell you for your comfort, there's miss, says I "The powder is no ¥oodl I uothin' to hinder you from bein' rich too, vow." Well, I missed every shot, ana I if you will take the same, means as they had an excuse for everyone oa 'em: the did. They were once all as poor folks as flint was bad, or she flashed in the pall, or you be, or their fathers afore them; for I the shot scaled, or so~ething or another; know their whole breed, seed, and genera- and when all wouldn t d01 I swore the tion, and they wouldn't thank you to tell gun was no good at all. "~ow," says them that you knew their fathers and father (and he edged up all the time, grandfathers, I tell you. If ever you to pay me oft' for that hit at his Bunker want the loan of a. hundred pounds from Hill story, which was the only shot I any of them, keep dark about that; see didn't miss) "you hain't got the right; as fa.r ahead as you please, but it ain't reason arter all. It was your own fault, always pleasant to have folks see too far Sam." back. Perhaps they be a little proud or '" Now that's jist the case with you; so but that's nateral; all folks that grow you may blame banks, and council, and up right off, like a mushroom in one House of Assembly, an

Digitized by Google 54 SAM SLICK, " CHAPTER XXII. pends on the natur' of the case. In a common oue," says I, "I call six dollars A CURE FOR CO:NCEIT. a pretty fair one; hut lawyer Webster ha.s got afore now, I've heerd tell, one thou- "IT'S a most curious, unaccountable sand dollars, and that I do call a fee." thing, but it's a. fact," said the clock- Well, the judge he larfed ready to split maker, "the Bluenoses are so conceited, his sides (thinks I, old chap, you'll bust they think they know everything; and like a steam biler, if you hain't got a yet there ain't a livin' soul in Nova Scotia safety valve somewhere or another), and knows his own business real complete, says he, "I vow, that'a superfine; I'll in• farmer or fisherman, lawyer or doctor, or dorse your certificate for you, young man; any other folk. A farmer said to me one there's no fear of you; you'll pass the 'day, up to Pugnose's inn, at River Philip, inspection brand anyhow." 'Mr. Slick,' says he, 'I allot this ain't" a '" Well;' says Eldad, ' I hope I may be bread country;" I intend to sell off the skinned if the same thing didn't e' ena- . house I improve, and go to the States.' most happen to me at my examination. 'If it ain't a, bread country,' said I, 'I They axed me a 'nation sight of questions. never seed one that was. There is more Some on 'em I could answer, and some on bread used here, made of best superfine 'em no soul could, right off'the reel at a flour, and No. 1 Genesee, than ill any word, without a little cipherin' ; at last other place of the same population in the they axed me, " How would you calculate univarse. You might as well say it ain't to put a patient into a sweat when com• a clock country, when to my sartin knowl- mon modes wouldn't work nohow!" edge, there are more clocks than Bibles in "Why," says 1. "I'd do as Dr. Comfort it. .I guess you expect to raise your bread Payne sarved father." "And how was ready made, don't you? Well, there'S that?" said they. "Why,' says I, "he only one class of our free and enlightened put him iuto such a sweat as I never seed citizens that can do that, and that's them him in afore, in all my born days, since I that are born with silver spoons in their was raised, by sending him in his bill, and mouths. It's a pity you wasn't availed of if that didn't sweat Lim it's a pity; it was this truth, afore you up killoch and off; an active dose you may depend." "I take my advice and bide where you be.' guess that 'ere chap has cut his eye-teeth," ," Well, the fishermen are jist as bad. said the president;" let him pass as ap• The next time you go into the fish-market probated." at Halifa.x, stump some of the old hands; "They both knowed well enough: they says you, 1 How many fins has a cod, at a only made as if they didn't, to poke a word?' and I'll liquidate the bet if you little fun at them, for the Slick family lose it. When I'vebeen along-shore afore were counted in a general way to be now, a vendin' of my clocks, and they 11e- pretty considerable cute." gan to raise my dander, by belittling the "They reckon themselves bere a chalk Yankees, I always brought them up by a above us Y:ankees, but I guess they have round turn by that requirement, 'How a wrinkle or two to grow afore they pro• many fins has a cod, at a word?' Well, gress ahead on us yet. If they hain't got they never could answer it; aud then, a full cargo of couceit here, then I never says I, 'When you lam your own business, seed a load, that's all. TIley have the I guess it will be time enough to teach hold chock full, deck piled up to the other folks their'n.' . pump handles, and scuppers under water. "How different it is with our men folk. They larnt that of the British, who are If they can't get through a question, how actilly so full of it, they remind me of beautifully they can go round it, can't Commodore Trip. When he was about they? Nothin' never stops them; I had half shaved he thought everybody drunk two brothers, Josiah and Eldad, one was but himself. I never liked the last war; a lawyer, and the other adoctor. TIley I thought it unnateral, and that we hadn't were a talkin' about their examinations ought to have taken hold of it at all, and one night, at a huskin' frolic, up to Gov- so most of our New England folks ernor Ball's big stone harn at Slickville. thought; and I wasn't sorry to heal' Gin• Says Josy,' WIlen I was examined, the eral Dearborne was beat, sein' we had no judge axed me all about real estate: and, call to go into Canada. But when the says he, "Josiah," says he, "what's a Guerriere was captivated by our old iron• fee?" "Why," says I, "Judge, it de-: sides, the Constitution, I did feel lifted :UP

Digitized by Coogle .

.. --=; THE CLOCKMAKER. 55 amost as high as a stalk of Varginny corn a quarter of an hour,' says the captain of among Connecticut middlins;, I grew' two the Guerriere to his men, 'to take that inches taller, I vow, the night I heerd 'ere Yankee frigate, the Constitution.' I tha,t news. Brag, says I, is a good dog, guess he found his mistake where he' but Holdfast is better. The British didn't expect it, without ally great sarch na vals had been a braggtn' and a hectorin' I for it either. Yes (to eventuate my story), so long, that when they landed in our it did me good; I felt dreadful nice, I cities they swaggered e'enamost as much p-romise you. It was as lovely as bitters as Uncle Peleg (bi.~ Peleg as he was d! a cold mornin'. Our folks beat 'em called); and when he walked, up the arter .that so often, they got a little grain' centre of one of our narrow Boston streets, too much conceit also; They got "their he used to swing his arms on each side of heels too high for their boots, and began him, so that folks had to clear out of both to walk like Uncle Peleg too, so that footpaths; he's cut, afore now, the fingers when the Chesapeake got whipped I warn'f; of both hands agin the shop windows on sorry. We could spare that one, and it each side of the street. Many the poor made our navals look round, like a feller feller's crupper bone he's smashed, with who gets a hoist, to see who's a larfin at his great thick boots, a throwin' out his him. It made 'em brush the dust off, feet afore him e'enamost out of sight, and walk on rather sheepish. Itcut their when he was ill full rig a swigglin' away combs, that's a fact. The war did us a. at the top of his gait. Well, they cut as plaguy sight of good in more ways than many shines as Uncle Peleg. One frigate one, and it did the British some good, too. they guessed would captivate, sink,. or It taught 'em not to carry their chins too hum our whole navy. 8ays a naval one high, for fear they shouldn't see the gut• day to the skipper of a fishing boat that ters,-a mistake that's ·spoiled many a he took, says he, 'Is it true, Commodore brand new coat and trousers afore now. Decatur's sword is made of an old iron "Well, these Bluenoses have caught hoop?' 'WeI!,' says the skiptper, 'I'm this disease, as folks do the Scotch fiddle, not quite certified as to that, seein' as I by shakin' hands along with the British. never sot eyes on it; but I guess if he gets Conceit has become here, as Doctor Rush a chance he'll show you the temper of it says (you have heerd tell of him? he's some of these days, anyhow.' the first man of the age; and its general- ., I mind once a British man-o'-war took lyallowed our doctors take the shine off one of our Boston vessels,.and ordered' alII of all the WO.rld),acclimated; it is citizen• hands on board, and sent a party to scut- ized among 'em; and the only cure is a tle her; well, they scuttled the fowls and real good quiltin'. I met a first chop Col• the old particular genuine rum, but they chester gag this summer, agoin' to the obliviated their errand and left her. Well, races to Halifax, and he knowed as much next day another frigate (for they were about racin', I do suppose, as a Choctaw as thick as toads arter a rain) comes near' Ingian does of a railroad. Well, he was a her, and fires a shot for her to bring to. praisin' of his horse, and runnin' on like No answer was made, there bein' no livin' statiee. He was begot, he said, by Ron• soul on board, and another shot fired, cesvalles, which was better than any still no answer. 'Why, what on airth is horse that ever was seen, because he was the meanin' of this?' said the captain; once in a duke's stable in England. It 'why don't they haul down that damn was only a man that had blood like a lord, gouse and gridiron?' (That's what he said he, that knew what blood in a horse called our eagle and stars on the flag.) was. Captain Currycomb, an officer at 'Why,' says the first leftenant, 'I guess Halifax, had seen his horse, and praised they are all dead men; that shot fright- him; and that was enough-that stamped ened them to death.' , They are afeared him-that fixed his value. Itwas like the to show their noses,' says another, 'lest President's name to a bank-note,-it they should be shaved off hr our shots.' makes i.t pass current. 'Well,' says I, 'I , They are all down below a ' calculatin'" hain't got a drop of blood in me, their loss, I guess,' says a third. 'I'll nothin' stronger than molasses and wa• take my 'davy,' says the captain, 'it's tel', I vow; but I guess I know a horse some Yankee trick,-a torpedo in her bot- when I see him for all that, and I don't tom, or some such trap; we'll let her be;' think any great-shakes of your beast, any• and sure enough, next day, back she how. What start will you give -me,' says came to shore of herself, 'I'll give you I,' and I will run Old Clay ag'in you, for a Digitized by'Coogle SAM SLICK, mile lick right on eend.' 'Ten rods,' said siderably the advantage of me this hitch, 11e,'for twenty dollars.' Well, we run, anyhow.' 'Possible!' says he, 'how's and I made Old Clay bite in his breath, that?' 'Why,' says I, 'I guess you'll and only beat him by half a neck. 'A return rather lighter than you carne, and tight-scratch,' says I, 'that, and it would that's more nor I can say, anyhow;' and have sarved me right if I had been beat. then I gave him a wink and a jupe of the I had no business to run an old roadster head, as much as to say, •Do you take?' so everlastin' fast; it ain't fair on him, ij aud rode on and left him starin' and it?' Says he, 'I will double the bet scratchin' his head like a feller who's lost and start even, and run you ag'ill if you his road. If that citizen ain't a born fool, dare.' 'Well,' says I, 'since I won the or too far gone in the disease, depend last, it woulda't be pretty not to give you on't, he found' a curefor conceit.' " a chance; I do suppose I oughtn't to re- fuse, but I don't love to abuse my beast by knockin' him about this way.' "As soon as the money was staked, I CHAPTER XXIII. said, 'Hadn't we better,' says I, 'draw stakes? that 'ere blood horse of your'n THE'BLOWIN'TIME. has such uncommon particular bottom, he'll perhaps leave me clean out of sight.' . THE long, rambling dissertation on con• 'No fear of that,' said he larfin', 'but ceit, to which I had just listened, from he'll beat you easy, anyhow. No flinch- the clockmaker, forcibly reminded me of' in',' says he, 'I'll not let you go back of the celebrated aphorism" gnotlii seauton," the bargain. It's run or forfeit.' 'Well,' know thyself, which, both from its great says I, 'friend, there is fear of it; your antiquity and wisdom, has been by many horse will leave me out of sight, to a sar- attributed to an oracle. tainty, that's a fact for he can't keep up With all his shrewdness to discover, to me no time. I'll urop him, hull down, in and his humor to ridicule, the foibles of tu tu's.' If Old Clay didn't make a fool others, Mr. Slick was blind to the many of him, it's a pity. Didn't hegallop pret- defects of his own character; and while ty, that's all? He walked away from prescribing" a cure for conceit," exhib• him; jist as the Chancellor Livingston ited in all he said, and all he did, the most steamboat passes a sloop at anchor in the overweening conceit himself. He never North River. Says I, '1 told you your spoke of his own countrymen without horse would beat me clean out

Digitized by Google THE CLOCKMAKER. 5'1

called it. Having lig1;ttedit by a lucifer, "When they get out, she don't w\Ioitany I and ascertained that, it was "true in more for him to walk lock and lock with draft," he resumed his reins, and re• her, but they march like a horse and a cow marked - to water, one in each gutter. If there "Thi~ must be an· everlastin' fine ain't a transmogrification it's a pity. The country beyond all doubt, for the folks difference atween a wife and a sweetheart have nothin' to do but to ride about and is near about as great as there is between talk politics. In winter, when toe ground new and hard cider: a man never tires of is covered with snow, what grand times puttin' one to his lip, and makes plaguy they have a sleighin' over these here wry faces at t'other. It makes me marshes with the gals, or playin' ball on so kinder wamblecropt when I think the ice, or goin' to quiltin' frolics of nice on it, that I'm afeared to venture long winter evenings, and then a drivin' on matrimony at all. I have seen some home like mad. by moonlight. Natur' Bluenoses most properly bit, you may de• , I meant that season on purpose for courtin', pend. You've seen a boy a slidin' on. a A little tidy scrumptious looking sleigh, most beautiful smooth bit of ice, hain't a real clipper of a horse, a string of bells you, larfin', and hoopiu', and hallowin' as long as a string of inions round his like one pcssessed, when presently souse neck, and a sprig Oll his back, lookiu' for he goes ill over head and ears? How he all the world like a bunch of apples broke outji, fins, and flops about, and blows like off at gatherin' time, and a sweetheart a porpoise properly frightened, don't he? alongside, all muffled up but her eyes and when he gets out, there -he stands, all and Tips-the one lookin' right into you, ahiverin' anti shakin', 'and the water a and the other talkin' right at you, is squish-squashiu' in his shoes, and his e'enamost enough to drive one ravin', trousers all stickin' slimsey-like to his tarin', distracted mad with pleasure, aiu'f legs. Well, he sneaks, off home, lookin' it? And then the dear critters say the like a fool, and thiukin' everybody he bells make such a din, there's no hearin' meets is a larfin' at him: many folks here one's self speak; so they put their pretty are like that 'ere boy, afore they have been little mugs close up to your face, and talk, six months married. 'They'd be proper talk, talk, till one can't help looking right glad to get out of the scrape too, and at them instead of the horse, ana then sneak off if they could, that's a fact. The whap you. both go capsized into a SllOW• marriage yoke is plaguy apt to gall the drift together, skins, cushions, and all. neck, as the ash bow does the ox in rainy And then to see the little critter shake weather, unless it be most particularly herself when she gets up, like a duck weH fitted. You've seen a yoke of cattle landin' from a pond, a chatterin' away all that warn't properly mated? they spend the time like a canary bird, and you a more strength in pullin' agin each other, haw-hawin' with pleasure, is fun alive, than in pullin' the load. Well, that's apt you may depend. Iu this way Bluenose to he the case with them as choose their gets led on to offer himself as a lovier, wives in sleighin' parties, quiltin' frolics, afore he knows where he bees. and so OIl, instead of the dairies, looms, "But when he gets married, he recovers and cheese-house, his ~yesight in little less than half no time. " Now the Bluenoses are all a stirrin' in He soon finds he's treed; his flint is fixed winter. The young folks drive out the then, you may depend. She larns him gals, and talk love and all sorts of things how vinegar is made: ' Put plenty of sugar as sweet as doughnuts. The old folks into the water aforeluuul, my dear,' says find it neal' about as well to leave the old she, 'if you want to make it real sharp.' woman to home, for fear they shouldn't The larf is on the other side of his mouth keep tune tog-ether; so they drive out then. If his sleigh gets upsot, it's no alone to chat about House of Assembly longer a funny matter, I tell you; he with their neighbors, while the boys and eatches it right and left. Her eyes don't hired helps do the chores. When the look right up to his'n any more, nor her spring comes, and the fields are dry little tongue ring, ring, ring. like a bell enough to be sowed, they all have to be any longer; but a great big hood covers ploughed, 'causefallmins wash the lands her head, and a whappin' great muff too much for fall IJlourt'dn'. W-ell, the covers her face, and she looks like a bag of ploughs have to be mended and sharpened, soiled clothes agoin' to the brook to be "causewhat's the use of doin' that afore it's washed. _ wanted 'I Well, the wheat gets in too late, Digitized.by Coogle 68 SAM'SLICK,

and then comes rust; but whose fault is] plan tin' , weedin' and hoein'· then harvest that? Why, the climate to be sure, jor and spreadin' compost; then gatherin' NOTJaScotiaain't a bread country. I manure, fenciu' and ditchin'; and then "When a man has to run ever so far as 'turn tu and fall plough ill' ag'In, It all fast as he can clip, he bas to stop and I went round like a wheel without stop pill' , take breath; you must do that or choke. and so fast, I guess you couldn't see the So it is with a horse; run him a mile and spokes, just one long everlastin' atroke his flanks will heave like a blacksmith's from July to etarnity, without time to look bellows; you must slack up the rein and back on the tracks. Instead of racin' give him a little wind, or he'll fJl.llright over the country like a young doctor, to down with you. It stands to reason, don't show how busy a man is that has nothin' it ? Atwixt spring and fall work is to do, as Bluenose does, and then take a 'Blowin' time.' Then courts come on, and 'blowin' time,' we kept a ra!l travellin' grand jury business, and militia train in' , gate, an eight-mile-an-hour pace, the and race trainin', aad what not; and a whole year round. They buy more nor fine spell of ridin' about and doin' nothin", they sell, and eat more than they raise, in a real 'Blowin' time.' Then comes har- this country. What a pretty way that is, vest, and that is proper hard work: mowin' isn't it? If the critters knew how to and pitchin! hay, and reapin' and bindin' cipher, they would soon find out that a graiu, and potato diggin'. That's as hard sum stated that way always eends in a as sole-leather, afore it's hammered on the naught. I never knew it to fail, and I lap-stone; it's a'most next to anything. It clefy any soul to cipher it so as to make it takes a feller as' tough as Old Hickory come out any other way, either by school• (General Jackson) to stand that. master's assistant or algebra. When I "Ohio is 'most the only country I know was a boy, the Slickville bank broke, and of where folks are saved that trouble: and an awful disorderment it made, that's a where the freshets come jist in the nick fact; nothin' else was talked of. Well, I of time for 'em, and sweep all the crops studied it over a 101lgtime, but I couldn't light up in a heap !or 'em, and they have I make it out: so says I, 'Father, how carne nothin' to do but to take it borne and ' that 'ere bank to break? Warn't it well house i.t; and sometimes a man gets more; built? I thought that 'ere Quincy granite than his own crop, and finds a proper; was so amazin' strong all natur' wouldn't swad of it already piled up, only a little I brenk it.' 'Why, you foolish critter,' wet or so; but all countries ain't like I says he, 'it tain't the buildin' that's Ohio. Well, arter harvest comes fall, and broke, it's the consarn that's smashed.' then there's a grand blowin' time 'till 'Well,' says I, 'I know folks are pJaguily spring. Now, how the Lord the Blue- consarned about it, but what do you noses can complain 'Oftheir country, when call folks' "smashin' their consarns " ?' it's only one-third work and two-thirds Father, he larfed' out like anything; I 'blowin' time,' no soul can tell. thought he would never stop; and sister "Father used to say, when I lived on Sall got right up and walked. out of the the farm along with him, 'Sam,' says he, room, as mad as a hatter. Says she, , I vow I wish there was jist four hundred 'Sam, I do believe you are a born fool, I days in the year, for it's a plaguy sight too vow.' When father had done larfln", says short for me. I can find as much work as he,' I'll tell you, Sam, how it was. They all hands on us can do for three hundred ciphered it so that they brought out noth• and sixty-five days, and jist thirty-five in' for a remainder.' .' Possible l' says I, days more, if we had 'em. We hain't got _'I thought there was no eend to their a minit to spare; you must shell the corn puss. I thought it was like Uncle Peleg'a and winner the grain at night, clean all up musquash hole, and that 1]0 soul could slick, or I guess we'll fall astarn, as sure ever find the bottom of. My!' says I. as the Lord made Moses.' If he didn't 'Yes,' says he, 'that 'ere bank spent and keep us all at it, a drivin' away full chisel, I lost more money than it made, and when the whole blessed time, it's a pity. There folks do that, they must smash at last, if was no 'blowin' time' there, you may de- their puss be as long as the national one of pend. We ploughed all the fall for dear Uncle Sam.' This province is like that life; in 'winter we thrashed, made and 'ere bank of our'n; it's goin' the same mended tools, went to market and mill, road, and they'll find the little eend of the and got out our firewood and rails. As horn afore they think they are half way soon as frost was gone, came sowin' and down to it. "Digitized by Google THE CLOCKMAKER. 59

"If folks would on]1 give over talking man; he knows how to cipher), I'll jist about that everlastiu' House of Assembly say to. him, 'Speaker,' says I, 'if any of and council, and see to their farms, it you1' folks in the House go to swell out would be better for 'em, I guess; for arter like dropsy, give 'em a hint in time. Says all, what is it? Why it's only a sort of you, If you have 'ere a little safety valve first chop' grand jury, and nothin' else. about you, let off a little steam now and It's no more like Congress or Parliament, then, or you'll go for it; recollect the than Marm Pugwash's keepin' room is clockmaker's story of the "blowin' like our State hall. It's jist nothin'. time."'" Congress makes war and peace, has a say in an "treaties, confanns all great nomina- tions of the President, regilates the army CHAPTER XXIV: and navy, governs twenty-four independ- ent States, and snaps it'siingers in the face FATHERJOHNO'SHA.UGHNESSY. of all the nations of Europe, as much as to say, Who be you? I allot I am as big as 'TO-MORROWwill be Sabbath day," you be. If you are six foot high, I am six said the clockmaker ; "I guess we'll bide foot six in my stockin' feet, by gum, and where we be till Monday. I like a Sab• can lambaste any two on you in no time. I bath in the country; all natur' seems at The British can whip all the world, and rest. There's a cheerfulness in the day we can whip the Britisb. But this little here you don't :findin towns. You have House of Assembly that folks make such natur' before you here, and nothin' but a touse about, what is it? Why jist a de- art there. The deathly stillness of a cent grand jury. They make their pre- town, and the barred windows, and shut sentments of little money votes, to mend shops, and empty streets, and great long these everlastin' rottin' little wooden lines of big brick buildins' look melan• bridges, to throw a poultice of mud once choly. It seems as if life had ceased a yea.r on the roads, and then take a tickin', but there hadn't been time for I blowin' time" of three months and go decay to take hold on there; as if day had ho-me. The littler folks be, the bigger broke, but man slept. I can't describe they talk. You never seed a small man exactly what I mean, but I always feel that di'dn't wear high heel boots, and a kinder gloomy and wamblecro:{>tthere. " high crowned hat, and that warn't ready ":Now in the country it's [ist what ,it to fight 'most anyone, to show he was a ought to be-a day of rest for man and man every inch of him. beast from labor. When a man rises on "I met a member the other day, who the Sabbath, and looks out on the sunny swaggered neal' about as large as Uncle fields and Wavin' crops, his heart feels Peleg. He looked as if he thought you proper grateful, and he says, Come, this couldn't find his' ditto' anywhere. He is a splendid day, ain't it? let's get ready used some most particular educational and put on our bettermost close, and go words, genuine jaw-breakers. He put me to meetin'. His first thought is prayer• in mind of a squirrel I once shot in our fully to render thanks; and then when he wood location. The little critter got a goes to worship he meets all his neigh• hickory nut in his mouth; well, he found bors, and he knows them all, and they it too hard to crack, and too big to swal- are glad to see each other, and if any two Ier, and for the life and soul of him, he on 'em hain't exactly gee'd together couldn't spit it out ag'in. If he didn't look durin' the week, why, they meet on like a propel' fool, 'ou may depend. We kind of neutral ground, and the minister .bad a pond back 0 our barn, about the or neighbors make peace atween them. bigness of a good sizable washtub, and it But it ain't so in towns. You don't know was chock full of frogs. Well, one of no one you meet there. It's the .worship these little critters fancied himself a bull- of neighbors, but it's the worship of frog, and he puffed out his cheeks, and strangers, too, for neighbors don't know took a real' blowin' time' of it; he roared nor care about each other, Yes, I love a away like thunder; at last he puffed and Sabbath in the country." puffed out till he bust like a biler. If I While uttering this soliloquy, he took see the speaker this winter (and I shall up a pamphlet from the table, and turn• see him to a sartainty if they don't send ing to tile title-page said, "Have you ever for him to London, to teach their new seen this here book on the ' Elder Contro• speaker; and he's up to snuff, that 'ere versy' 1» (a controversy on the subject of

Digitized by Google 60 SAM SLICK,

Infant Baptism). This author's friends I to brag on nary way,-damage done on say it's a clincher; they say he has sealed I both sides, and nothin' gained, as far as I up Elder's mouth as tight as a bottle, i can learn,' He stopped short, and looked "Nb," said I, "I have not: I have I me in the face, and says he, ' Mr. SItck, heard of it, but never read it, In my I you are a man-that has seen a good deal opinion the subject has been exhausted I of the world, and a considerable of an un• already, and admits of nothing new being derstandin' man, nnd 1 guess I can talk said upon it. These religious controver- to- you. Now,' says he, 'for gracious' sies are a serious injury to the cause of sake do jist look her e, and see how you true religion; they are deeply deplored heretdcs=.Protestnnts I mean,' says he by the good and moderate men of all par- (for I guess that 'ere word slipped out ties" It ,lJ.asa!ready embraced sev~ral de- Iwithout leave), •are l.y the ears, a drivin' nomiuations m the dispute in this prov- I away at each other the whole Llessed time, ince, and I hear the agitation has extended: tooth and nail, bip and thigh, hammer to New Brunswick, where it will doubt-I and tongs, disputin', revilin', wranglin' less be renewed with equal zeal. I am I and beloutin' each other with all sorts of .told all the pamphlets are exceptionable 1 ugly names that they can lay their in point of temper, and this one in par- tongues to. Is that the way you- love ticular, which not only ascribes the most your neighbors as yourself? We say this unworthy motives to its antagonist, but is (t practical comment on schism, and by contains some very unjustifiable and gra- the powers of Moll Kelly,' said he, 'but tuitous attacks upon other sects uncon- they all ought to be well lambasted to• nected with the dispute. The author has gether, the whole batch on 'em entirely.' injured his own cause, for a-n intemperate Says I, 'Father John, give me your handt' advocate 'is mm'e dangerous than an open there are some things I guess you and foe." - don't agree on, and most likely never will, "There is no doubt on it," said the secin' that you are a Popish priest; but clockmaker; "it is as clear as mud, and in tbat idee I do opinionate with you, and you are not the only one that thinks so, I I wish, with all my heart, all the world tell you. About the 'hottest time of the thought with UH." dispute, I was to Halifax, and who should " I guess he didn't half like that 'ere I meet but Father J ohn O'Shaughnessy, a word Popish priesu, it seemed to grig him Catholic priest. I had met him afore in like; his face looked kinder riled, like well• Cape Breton, and had sold him a clock. water arter a heavy rain and said he, 'Mr. Well, he was a leggin' it off hot foot. Slick,' says he, 'your country is a ftee 'Possible I' says I, 'Father John, is that country, ain't it?' 'The freest,' says I, you? Why, what on airth is the matter 'on the face of the airth; you can't" ditto" of you? what makes you in such an ever- it nowhere. We are as free as the air, and lastin' hurry, drivin' away like one ravin' when our dander's up, stronger than any distracted mad?' 'A sick visit,' says he; hurricane you ever seed-tear up all crea• 'poor Pat Lanigan,-him that you mind tion 'most; there ain't the beat of it to be to Bradore Lake,-well, he's near about found anywhere.' 'Do you call this a free at the p'int of death.' 'I guess not,' said country?' said he. 'Pretty considerable I, 'for I jist heard tell he was dead.' middlin',' says I, 'seein' that they are Well, that brought him up all standin", under a king.' 'Well,' says he, "If you and he 'bouts ship in a jiffy, and walks a were seen in Connecticut a shakin' hands little way with me, and we got a talkin' along with a Popish priest, as you are about this very subject. Says he, 'What pleased to call me ' (and he made me a bow, are you, Mr. Slick?' Well, I looks up to as much as to say, Mind your trumps the him and winks,-' A clockmaker,' says I. next deal), 'as you now are in the streets Well, he smiled, and says he 'I see;' as of Halifax along with me, with all your much as to say, I hadn't ought to have crackin' and boastin' of your freedom, I axed that 'ere question at all, I guess, for guess you wouldn't sell a clock ag'in in every man's religion is his own, and that State for one while, I tell you;' and nobody else's business. 'Then,' says he, he bid me good morn in' and turned away. 'you know all about this country. Who 'Father John!' says I. 'I can't stop,' says does folks say had the best of the dispute?' he;' I must see that poor critter's family; Says I, 'Father John, it's like the battles they must be in great trouble, and a sick up to Canada lines last war, each side visit is afore controvarsy in my creed.' claims victory; I guess there ain't much 'Well,' says I, 'one word with you afOl& Digitized by Google j Tlll<~CLOCKMAKJW. 6l

you go; if that' ere name Popish priest was back, and then walked on as if nothin' had an ougenteel oue, I ax your pardon; I happened, as demure as you pleaee.and didn't mean no offense, I do assure you, and lookin' as meek aa if butter wouldn't melt I'll say this for your satisfaction, tu: you're in his mouth. "Stop," said the boxer, as the first man in this protlince that e-ver soon as he picked himself up, "stop, gave me a real right down complete check- Parson," said he, "that's a good man, mate since I first sot foot ill it, I'll be and jist chuck over my horse, too, will skinned if you ain't.' you, for I swan I believe you could do one "Yes," said Mr. Slick, "Father John near about as easy.as t'other. My!" said was right ; these antagontzing chaps ought he, "if that don't bang the bush; you are to be ;"ell quilted, the whole raft of 'em. another guess chap from what I took you It fairly makes me sick to see the folks, to be, anyhow." . each on 'em a backin' up of their own man, " 'Now,' said Mr. Hopewell, says he, 'I , At it arr'jn I' says one; 'Fail' play 1'says won't write, but if 'ere a Unitarian crosses a,n"ther/', Stick it into him! 'says a third; my path, I'll jist over the fence with him and 'That's your sort!' says a fourth. ill no time. as the parson did ihe boxer; Them are the folks who do mischief. for writin' only a[lyral{atesyour opponents, They show such clear grit, it fairly fright- and never convinces them. I never seed a ens me. Itmakes my hair stand right up I conoart made by that way yet: but I'U tell on eend to see ministers do that 'ere. It I yOlt what I have eeed : a man set his own appears to me that I could write a book in 1 flock a doubtin' by hi»ownwritin'. You 11tay jaoor oj my,rleljand my notions, without, happ~t!l your enemies, cantankerate your writin' a{linanyone, and if I conllln't I; opponents, and injure your own causeby it, wouldn't write at «u, I snore. Our old I but I defy you to sarve it. These writers,' minister, Mr. Hopewell (a real good man, I said ..he, 'put me in mind of that 'ere and a larned man too at that), they sent to ' boxer's pupils. He would sometimes set him once to write agin the Unitarians, for two on 'em to spar; well they'd put on they are agoin' ahead like statiee in New, their gloves, and begin larfln' and jokin', England, but he refused. Said he, '~am,' i all in good humor, Presently one on 'em says he, 'when I first wen,t to Cambridge, 'would put 111 a pretty hard blow; well, there was a boxer and wrastler came there, I t'other would return it in airnest, " Oh," and he beat everyone wherever he went. i says the other, "if that's your play, off Well, old Mr. Possit was the Church of gloves and at it;" and sure enough, away England parson at Charlestown, at the would fly their gloves, and at it they'd go, time, and a terrible powerful man he tooth and nail. was, a realsneezer and as activeas a weasel. " , No, Sam, the misfortin' is, we are all Well, the boxer met him one day, a little apt to think Scriptur' intended for our way ous of town, a takiri' of his evening, neighbors, and not for ourselves. The walk, and said he, "Parson," says he, poor all think it made for the rich. "Look "they say you are a most plaguy strong at that 'ere Dives," they say, "what an man and uncommon stiff too·" "Now," all-fired scrape he got into by his avarice, says he, " I never seed a man yet that was with Lazarus; and ain't it writ as plain as a match for me; would you have any ob- anything, that them folks will find it as jection jist to let me be availed of your easy to go to heaven, as for a camel to go strength here in a friendly, way, by our-I through the eye of a needle?" Well, selves, where no soul would be tho wiser? then, the rich think it all made for the if you will I'Ilkeep dark about it, I swan." poor-that they shan't steal nor bear false "Go your way," said the parson, "and. witness, hut shall be obedient to them tempt me not; you are a carnal-minded, that's in authority. And as for them 'ere wicke·d man, and 1 take no pleasure in Unitarians,' and he always got his dander such vain, idle sports." "Very well." said up when he spoke of them, ' why, there's the boxer; "now here I stand," says he, no doin' nothin' with them,' says he. "in the path, right slap afore you; if you 'When they get fairly stumped, and you passed round me, than I take it as a sign produce a text that they can't get over, that you are afeard on me.and if you keep nor get round, why, they say, " It ain't in the path, why then you must first put me our version at all; that's an interpolation; out-that's a fact," The parson jist made it's an invention of them' ere everlastin' a spring Iorrard and ketched him u\> as monks;" there's nothin' left for you to quick as wink, and throwed him right do with them, but to sarve them as Parson over the fence whap on the broad of his Possit detailed the boxer-lay l'igbt hold

Digitized ~yGoogle 62 SAM SLICK, of 'em and'chuck 'em over the fence, even it was a pity he couldn't keep his wife ill if they were as big as aU out-doors. That's as good order as he did his factory. what our folks ought to have done with "They don't hitch their horses together them at first, pitched 'eni clean out of the "\fell at all.• He is properly benpecked, u State,' and let' em go down to Nova Sco• said he; " he is afeard to call his soul his tia, or some such outlandish place, for own, and he leads the life of a dog; you they ain't fit to live in no Christian coun• never seed the beat of it, I vow. Did you try at all. ever see a rooster hatch a brood of -ehiclc- . " , Fightin' is no way to make convarts ; ens?" . the true way is to win' em. You may stop " No," said I, "not that I can recol• a man's mouth, Sam,' says he, 'by a cram• lect." min' a book down his throat, but you " Well, then, I have," said he, "and if won't convince him. It's a fine thing to he don't look like a fool all the time he is write a book all covered over with Latin, a settin' on the eggs, it's a pity; no soul and Greek, and.He brew, like a bridle tha t' s could help larfin' to see him. Our old real jam, all' spangled with brass nails, nigger, January Snow, had a spite ag'in but who knows whether it's right or one of father's roosters, seein' that he was wrong? Why, not one in ten thousand. a coward, and wouldn't fight. .He used If I had my religion to choose, and warn't to call him Dearborne, arter our general able to jud~e for myself, I'lltell you what that behaved so ugly to Canada: and says I'd do: I'd Jist ask myself, Who leads the he one day, 'I guess you are no better best lives1 'Now,' says he, ' Sam, I won't than a hen, you everlasting old chicken• say who do, because it would look like hearted villain, and I'll make you a lar• vanity to say it was the folks who hold to fin'-stock to all the poultry. I'll put a. our, platform, but I'll tell you who don't. trick on you you'll bear in mind all your It ain't them that makes the greatest profes• born days.' So he catches old Dearborne, sions always: and mind what I tell you, Sam, and pulls all the feathers off his breast, when you go a tr.adin' with your clocks and strips him as naked as when he was away dewn East to Nova Scotia, and them, born, from his -throat clean down to bis wild provinces, keep a blight look-out on tail, and then takes a buudle of nettles them as cant too much, for a long face is and gives him a proper switchin', that plaguy apt to cover a long conscience• stung him and made him smart like mad; that's a fact.' " then he warms some eggs and puts them in a nest, and sets the old cock right atop of 'em. Well, the warmth of' the eggs CHAPTER XXV. felt good to the poor critter's naked belly, and kinder kept the itchin' of tlle nettles TAMINGA SHREW. down, and he was glad to bide where he waSh·and whenever he was tired and got THE road from Amherst to Parrsboro' is off, is skin felt so cold, he'd run right tedious and uninteresting. In places it is back and squat down ag'in; and wben his made so straight that you can see several feathers began to grow, and he got ob• miles of it before you, which produces an stropulous, ne got another ticklin' with appearance of interminable length, while the nettles, that made him return double the stunted growth of the spruce and birch quick to his location. In a little time he trees bespeaks a cold, thin soil, and in• larnt the trade real complete. Now, this vests the scene with a melancholy and John Porter (and there he is on the sterile aspect. Here and there occurs a bridge, I vow; I never seed the beat p' tbat, little valley, with its meandering stream, -speak of old Saytin and he's sure to ap• and verdant and fertile interval, which pear) well, he's jist like old Dearborne, though possessing nothing peculiar to dis• only fit to hatch eggs." tinguish it from many others of the same When we came to the bridge, Mr. Slick kind, strikes the traveller as superior to stopped his horse, to shake hands with them all, from the contrast to the sur• Porter, whom he recognized as an old ac• rounding country. One of these secluded quaintance and customer. He inquired spots attracted my attention, from the after a bark-mill he had smuggled from number and neatness of the buildings the States for htm, and enlarged on the which its proprietor, a tanner and currier, value of such a machine, and the clever• had erected for the purposes of his trade. ness of his countrymen who invented such - Mr. Slick said he knew him, and he guessed useful and profitable articles, aud was re- Digitized by Google .' THE C:aOCKMAKER. 63 ft commending a new process of tanning, supper may give you your bed, instead of when a female voice from the house was sendin' you sneakin' home at night like a heard, vociferating, "John Porter, come thief.' Said I, in a whisper, says I, ' Leave here this minute." "Coming, my dear," her to me,John Porter; jist take the horses said the husband. "Come here, I say 1 up to the barn, and see after. them, and I'll directly; why do you stand .talking to manage her for you; I'll make her as that Yankee villain there?" The poor sweet as sugar,r candy, never fear.' The. husband hung his head, looked silly, and barn, you see, IS a good piece off to the bidding us good-by, returned slowly to the eastward of the house; and as' soon as he house. was cleverly out of hearin", says I, a im• As we drove on, Mr. Slick said, "That itatin' of his voice to the life, ' Do let me was me-I did that." in, Jane,' says I, 'that's a deal' critter; ,. Did what"?" said 1. I've brought you home some things you'll "That was me that sent him back; I like, I know.' Well, she was an .awful called him, and not his wife. I had that jealous critter; says she, ' Take' em to her 'ere bestowment ever since I was knee you spent the evenin' with; I don't want high or so; I'm a real complete hand at you nor your presents neither.' Arter a ventriloquism; I can take off any man's good deal of coaxin' I stood on the t' other voice I ever heard to the very nines. If tack, and began to threaten to break the there was a law agin forgin' that, as there door down; says' I, 'You old unhansum is for handwritin', I guess I should have lookin' sinner, you vinerger cruet you, been hung long agu. I've had high goes open the door this minit or I'll smash it with it many a time, but it's plaguy dan• right in.' That grigged her properly, it gersome, and I don't practise it now but made her very wrathy (for nothin' sets up seldom. I had a real bout with that 'ere a woman's spunk like callin' her ugfy; citizen's wife once and completely broke she gets her back right up like a cat when her in for him: she went as gentle as a cir• a strange dog comes near her; she's all cus horse for a space, but he let her have eyes, claws, and bristles). . her head ag'In, and she's as bad as ever " I heerd her bounce right out Vf bed, now. I'll tell you how it was. and she carne to the door as she was, on• . "I was down to the island a sellin' dressed, and onbolted it; and as I entered clocks, and who should I meet but John it, she fetched me a box right across my Porter; well, I traded with him for one, cheek with the fiat of her hand, that made part cash' part truck and produce, and also it tingle ag'in. 'I'll teach you to call put off tn him that 'ere bark-mill you names ag'in, says she, 'you varmint.' heerd me axin' about, and it was pretty It was jist what I wanted; I pushed the considerable on in the evenin' afore we door tu with my foot, and seizin' her by finished our trade. I came home along the arm with one hand, Lquilted her with with him, and had the clock in the wagon the horsewhip real handsum with the to fix it up for him, and to show him how other. At first she roared like mad; , I'll to regilate it. Well, as we neared his give you the ten comandments,' says she house, he began to fret and take on dread• (meaning her ten claws). 'I'll pay you for ful oneasy ; says he, '..J hope Jane won't this, you cowardly villain, to strike a . be abed, cause if she is she'll act ugly, I woman. How dare you lift your hand, do suppose.' Ihad heard tell of her afore John Porter, to your lawful wife F and so -how she used to carry a stiff upper lip, on; all the time runnin' round and round, and make him and the broomstick well ac• like .a colt that's a' breakin', with the quainted together; and says I,' Why do mouthin' bit, rarin", kickin', and plungiu' you put up with her tantrums? I'd make like statiee. Then she began to give in. a fair division of the house with her, if it Says she, ' I beg pardon, on my knees I was me; I'd take the inside and allocate beg pardon; don't murder me, for heav• her the outside of it pretty quick, that's en's sake-don't dear John, don't murder a fact.' ,\Vell,when we came to the house, your poor wife, that's a dearj eI'Il do as there was no light in it, and the poor crit• you bid me; I promise to behave well, up• ter looked so streaked and down in the on my honor I do: Oh !dear John, do f01'• mouth, I felt proper sorry for him. When give me, do dear.' When I' had her pro• he rapped at 'the door, she called out, perly brought to, for havin' nothin' on but 'Who's there?' 'It's me, dear,' says Por• a thin undergarment, every crack of the ter. 'You, is it,' said she,' then you may whip told tike a notch on a baker's tallx, atay where you be; them as iave you your says I, ' Take that as a taste o~hat yo~ 11 Digitized by\...::rOogLe SAM SLleK, catch when you act that· way, like Old I day or two, she soon got the upper hand Scratch. Now go and dress yourself, and of him and made him confess all, and by get supper for me and a .stranger I have all accounts he leads a worse life now brought home along with me, and be than ever. I put that 'ere trick on him quick, for I vow I'll be master in my own jist now to try him, and I see it's a gone house.' She moaned like a dog hit with a goose with him; the jig is up with him' stone, half whine, half yelp. 'Dear, she'll soon call him with a whistle like ~ dear,' says she. • if I ain't all covered over dog. I often think of the hornpipe she with welts as big as my finger; [do believe danced there in the dark along with me I'm flayed alive !' and she boohoo'd right to the music of my whip' she touched it out like anything. 'I guess,' said I, off in great style, that's' a fact. I shall , you've got .'em where folks wou't see 'em mind that go one while, I promise you. anyhow, and I calculate you won't be over It was actilly equal to a play at old Bow'ry. forrard to show 'em where they be. But You may depend Squire the only way come,' ,.BaysI, ' be a stirrin', or I'll quilt to tame a shrew i; by the c~wskin. Grand• you ag.m as sure as you're alive; I'll tan father Slick was raised all along the coast your hld~ for you, you ~ay depend, you of Kent in Old England, and be used to old ungainly tempered heifer you.' say there was an old saying there which "When I went to t~le barn, says I, I expect, is not far off the mark:"':' ' 'John Porter, your wife made right at me, like one ravin' distracted mad, when •A woman, a do~, and a walnut tree I opened the door, thinkin' it was you; The more you bck them the better they be.' " and I was obliged to give her a crack or tW9 of the cowakin to get clear of her. It has effectuated a cure completely; now foller it up, and don't let on for your life it warn'f you that did it, and you'll be CHAPTER XXVI. master once more in your own house. She's aU docility jist now,-keep her so.' THE MINISTER'S BORN MUG. As we returned we saw a light in "the koepia' room, the fire was blazin' up "THIS country," said Mr. Slick, cheerfulsome, and Marm Porter moved " abounds in superior mill privileges, and about as brisk as a parched pea, though one would naterally calculate that such a as silent as numb, and our supper was sight of water power would have led to a. ready in no time. As soon as she took knowledge of machinery. I guess if a her seat and sot down, she sprung right Bluenose was to go to one of our free and up on eend, as if she sot on a pan of hot enlightened citizens, and tell him Nova coals. and colored all over; and then tears Scotia was intersected with rivers and started in her eyes. Thinks I to .myself, brooks ill all directions, and nearly one I calculate I wrote that 'ere lesson III large quarter of it covered with water, he'd letters anyhow; I can read that writin' say, 'Well, I'll start right off and see it, without spellin', and no mistake; I guess I vow, for I guess 1'111a1'11sometbin'. I you've got pretty well warmed there• aflot I'll get another wrinkle away down abouts this hitch. Then she tried it ag'in j East there. With such splendid chances first she sot on one leg, then on t'other, for experimentiu', what first-chop mills quite oneasy, and then right atwixt both, they must have, to a sartainty. I'll see a fidgettin' about dreadfully j like a man such new combinations, and such new-ap• that's rode all day on a bad saddle, and plications of the force of water to motion, lost a little leather on. the way. If you that I'll make my fortin', for we can im• had seed how she stared at Porter, it prove on anything a'most.' Well, he'd would have made you snicker. She find his mistake out, I guess, as I did couldn't credit her eyes. He warn't once, when I took oassagc in the night at drunk, all

-pull 'em right down' there wouldn't be ister,' says I, ' I never see you a. swiggin' one on 'em left in eight and forty hours. it out of that 'ere horn mug, that I don't " Some domestic factories they ought to think of one of your texts.' , What's that, have here: it's an essential part of the .Sam?' says he, ' for you always had a most " social system. Now we've run to the especial memory when you was a boy.' other extreme; it's got to be too big an .' Why,' says I, 'that" the horn of the interest with us, and ain't suited to the righteous man shall be exalted; " I guess political institutions of our great country. that's what they mean by "exaltin' the Natur' designed us for an agricultural horn," ain't it?' Lord, if ever you was to people, and our government was predicated New Orleens, and seed a black tb under• on the supposition that we would be so. cloud rise right up and cover the whole sk! 1th·.~Hopewell was of the same opinion. in a minit, you'd a thought of it if you had He was a great hand at gardenin', 01'- seed his face. It looked as dark as Egypt. ehardin', farmin', and what not. One 'For shame!' says he, 'Sam, that's onde• evenin' I was up to his house, and says cent; and let me tell you that a man that he, 'Sam, what do you say to a bottle of jokes on such-subjects, shows Loth :r lack myoId genutae cider? I guess I got of wit and sense too. I like mirth, you' some that will take the shine off of your know I do, for it's only the Pharisees and father's by a long chalk, much as the old hypocrites that wear long faces; but then, gentleman brags of his'n, I never bring mirth must be innocent to please me; and it out afore him, He thinks he has the when I see a man make merry with serious best in all Connecticut. It's an innocent things, I set him down as a lost sheep. ambition that; and, Sam, it would be but That comes of your speculatin' to Lowell; , a poor thing for me to gratify my pride and, I vow, them factoriu' towns will cor. at the expense of humblin' his'n. So I rupt our youth of both sexes, and become' never lets on that I have any better, but hotbeds of iniquity. Evil communications keep dark about this superfine particular endamnify good manners, as sure as rates, article of mine, for I'd as lives he'd think one scabby sheep will ihfect a whole flock; so as not.' He was a real primitive good vice is as catchin' as that nasty disease the man was minister. ' I got some,' said he, Scotch have; it's got by shakiu' hands, and , that was bottled that very year that glo- both eend in the same way-in brimstone. rious action was fought atween the Oonsti- I approbate domestic factories, but nothin' tution and the Guerriere. Perhaps the further for us. It don't suit us or our whole world couldn't show such a brilliant institutions. A republic is only calculated whippin' as that was. It was a splendid for an enlightened and vartuous people, deed, that's a fact. The British can whip and folks chiefly in the farm in' line. That the whole airth, and we can whip the is an innocent and a happy vocation. Ag• British. It was a bright promise for our riculture was ordained by Him as made us, young eagle: a noble bird that, too-great for our chief occupation.' strength, great' courage, and surpassing "Thinks I, here's a pretty how do you-do; sagacity.' I'm in for it now, that's a fact; he'll jist "Well, he went down to the cellar, and fall to and read a regular sarmon, and he brought upa bottle, with a stick tied wits knows so many by heart he'll never stop. neck, and day and date to it, like the lye- It would take a Philadetphia lawyer to bills on the trees in Squire Hendrick's gar- answer him, So, says I, 'Minister, I ax den. 'I like to see them 'ere cobwebs,' your pardon; I feel very ugly at havin' says he, as he brushed 'em off, 'they are given you offense, but I didn't mean it, I like gray hairs in an old man's head; they do assure you. It jist popped out unex• indicate venerable old age.' As he un- pectedly, like a cork out of one of them corked it, says he; 'Iguess, Sam, this will 'ere cider bottles. I'll do my possibles warm your gizzard, my boy; I guess our that the like don't happen ag'In, you may great nation may be stumped to produce depend; so 'spose we drink a glass to our more eleganter liquor than this here. It's reeonciliation.' 'That I will,' said he, the dandy, that's a fact. That,' said he, 'and we will have another bottle, too, but a. smackin' his lips and lookin' at its spark- I must put a little water into my glass (and lin' top) and layin' back his head, and he dwelt on that word, and looked at me tippin' off a horn mug brimful of it-'that,' quite feeHn', as much as to say, Don't for said he, and his eyes twinkled ag'in, for it goodness' sake make use of that 'ere word was plaguy strong-' that is the produce horn ag'in, for it's a joke I. d~t like)'I~ for of my own orchard.' 'Well,' Lsaid, 'Min- my head hain'tqui~~cl>~f~0@."q(ler fj . 0 , 88

has. Taste this, Sam,' said he (openin' of on the stoop and smoke in the cool, ain't it? another bottle) j 'it's of the same age as the I think,' says I, ' too, Minister, that 'ere last but made of different apples, and Iam uncommon handsum- cinder of your'n de• fairiy stumped sometimes to say which is sarves a pipej what do you think?' 'Well,' best." . says he, •I think myself a pipe wouldn't be " , These are the pleasures,' says he, 'of a amiss, and I got some real good Varginny country life. A man's own labor provides as you e'enamost ever seed, a presentfrom him with food, and an appetite to enjoy it. Rowland Randolph, an old college chum; Let him look which way he will, and he and none the worse to my palate, Sam, for sees the goodness and bounty of his bringin' .bygone recollections with it. Creator, hIS wisdom, his power, and his Phoebe, my dear,' said he to his darter, majesty. There never was anything so 'bring the pipes and tobacco.' As soon as true as that 'ere old sayin', "Man made the old gehtleman fairly got a pipe in his the town, but God made the country," and mouth, I give Pheebe a wink, as much as both bespeak their different architects in to say, Warn't that well done? That's terms. too plain to be misunderstood. what 1call a most particular hand sum fix. The one is filled with virtue, ·and the other He can talk now (and that I do like to hear with vice. One is the abode "ofplenty, and him do); but he can't make a speech or the other of want: one is a ware-duck of preach a sarmon, and that I don't like to nice pure water, and t'oLher one a cess• hear him do, except on Sabbath day, or up pool. Our towns are gettin' so commer• to Town Hall; on oration times. cial and factoring, that they will soou gen• "Minister was an uncommon pleasant erate mobs, Sam' (how true that 'ere has man,-for there was nothin' a'most he turned out, hain't it? lIe could see near didn't know,-except when he got his about as far into a millstone as them that dander up, and then he did spin out his picks the hole into it), 'and mobs will in• yarns for everlastinly. troduce disobedience and defiance to laws, "But I'm of his opinion. If the folks and that must eend·in anarchy and blood• here want their country to 7,0 ahead, they shed. No,' said the old man, raising his must honor the plough; and General Camp• voice, and giving the table a wipe with his bell ought to hammer that 'ere Into their fist that made the glasses all jingle ag'in, noddles, full chisel, as hard as he can drive. 'give me the count!y-~hat co~ntry to I could larn him somethin', I guess, about which He that made It said," Bring forth hammerin' he ain't up to. It ain't every• grass, the herb yieldin' seed, and the tree one that knows how to beat a thing into yieldin' fruit," and who 8aw it that it was a man's head. How could I have sold so good. Let me jine with the feathered many thousand clocks, if I hadn't had tribe in the mornin' (I hope you get up that knack? Why, I wouldn't have sold airly now, Sam: when you was a boy there half a dozen, you may depend. was no gittin' you out of bed at no rate) " Agriculture is not only neglected but and at sunset, in the hymns which they degraded here. What a number of young utter in full tide of song to their Creator. folks there seem to be ill these parts, a Let me pour out the thankfulness of my rid in' about, titivated out real jam, in heart to the Giver of all good things, for their go-to-meetin' clothes, a doin' noth• the numerous blessings I enjoy, and intreat in'. It's melancholy to think on it. Him to bless my increase, that I may have That's the effect of the last war. The wherewithal to relieve the wants of others, idleness 3Dd extravagance of those times as He prevents and relieves mine. No! took root, and bore fruit abundantly, and" give me the country. Its '-Minister was now the young people are above their jist like a horse that has the spavin j he business. They are too high in the instep, Rot off considerable stiff at first, but when that's a fact. • he once got under way, he got on like a 'IOld Drivvle, down here to Maccan, house afire. He went like the wind, full said to me one day, 'For gracious' sake,' split. He was jist beginnin' to warm on says he, 'Mr. Slick, do tell me what I the subject, and I knew if he did, what shall do with Johnny. His mother sets wonderful bottom he had; how he would great store by him, and thinks he's the hang on forever a'most; so says I, ' Ithink makins of a considerable smart man; he's so too, Minister; Ilike the country; I al• growin' up fast now, and I am prettjvwell ways sleep better there than in towns; it to do in the world, and reasonable fore• ain't so plaguy hot, nor so noisy neither; handed, but I don't know what the doga aud then it's a pleasant thing to set out to put him to. Tbe lawy","s are lilie spi, Digitized by\..::rOogLe THE CLOCKMAKER. 67 ders,-they've eat up all the flies, and I " 'Ahem!' says 'Marm Drivvle, and sa guess they'll have to eat each other soon, began to clear her throat for action; she for there's more on 'em than causes now slumped down her knittin' and clawed off every court. The doctor's trade is a poor her spectacles, and looked right straight aI one, too; they don't get barely cash me, so as to take good aim. ·1seed a reg• enouzh to pa.y for their medicines; , ular nor'wester a brewin', 1 knew it would neve; seed a country practitioner yet that bust somewhere sartin, and make all made anything worth speakin' of. Then, smoke ag'in, so I cleared out and left old as for preach in', why church and dis• Drivvle to stand the squall. I conceit be senters are pretty much tarred with the must have bad a tempestical time of it, same stick; they live in the same pastur' for she had got her Ebenezer up, and with their flocks, and, between 'em, it's looked like a proper sneezer, 'Ma.keher fed down pretty close 1 tell you. What Johnny a farmer, eh! I guess that was would you advise me to do with him?' too much for the like 0' her to stom• " 'Well,' says I,' I'll tell you if you won't ach. be miffy with me.' 'Miffy with you in• "Pride, Squire," continued thc clock• deed,' said he, ' I guess I'll be very much maker (with such an air of concern that obliged to yuu; it ain't every day one gets I verily believe the man feels an interest a chance to consult with a person of your in the welfare of "a province in which he experience; I count it quite a privilege to has spent so long a time), "Pride, Squire, have the opinion of such an understand in' ana a false pride, too, is the ruin of this man a.1;J you be.' 'Well,' says I, 'take a country; 1hope I may be skinned if it stick and give him a rael good quiltin'; ain't. " jist tantuue him blazes, and set him to work. What does the critter want? you have a good farm for him, let him go and CHAPTER XXVIL airn his bread; and when he can raise that, let him get a wife to make butter THE WHITE NIGGER. for it; and when he has more of both than he wants, let him sell 'em and lay One of the most amiable, and a.t the up his money, and he will soon have his same time most .amusing traits, in the bread buttered on both sides. Put him clockmaker's. character, was the attach .. to, eh ! why, put him to the plough, the ment and kindness with which he regarded most nateral, the most happy, the most inno- his horse. He considered" Old Clay" as cent, anrl the most healthy employment in far above a provincial horse, as he did one the world.' 'But,' said the old man (and of his "free and enlightened citizens" he did not look over half pleased), 'mar· superior to a Bluenose. He treated him kets are so confounded dull, labor so high, as a travelling companion, and when con• and the banks and great folks a swallerin' versation flagged between us, would often all up so, there don't seem much encour- soliloquize to him, a habit contracted from agemont for farmers; it's hard rubbin', pursuing his journeys alone. nowadays, to live by the plough-he'll be "Well, now," he would say, "Old Clay, a hard workin' poor man all his days.' 1 guess you took your time agoin' up t.hat ~Oh l ' says I, ' if he wants to get rich by 'eN hill-s'pose we progress now. Go fannin', he can do that too. Let him sell along, you old sculpin, and turn out your his wheat, and eat his oatmeal and rye; toes. 1 reckon you are as deff as a shad, send his beef, mutton and poultry to mar- do you hear there P Go ahead! Old Clay. ket, and eat his pork and potatoes; make There now," 11("<1 say, " Squire. ain't that his. own cloth, weave his own linen, and dreadful pretty? There's action. That keep out of shops. and he'll soon grow looks ahout right: legs all under hhn• rich: there are more fortins got by savin' gathers all up snug-no bobbin' of his than by makin', I guess, a plaguy sight; head-no rollin' of his shoulders-no wah• he can't eat his cake and have it too, blin' of his hind parts, but steady as a that's a fact. No, make a farmer of him, pump bolt. and the motion all underneath, and you will have the satil~.fadionof seelnq When he fairly laY8himself to it, he trots him an honest, an independent, and a re- Iiko all vengeance. Then look at his ear spectable member of societu; more lionest. I-jist like rabbit's; none 0' your flop-ears than traders, more'independent than prates- I like them Amherst beasts, half horses, lional mm, and more respectable titan half pigs, but straight up and p'inted, and ."Mr.' I not too near at thfil tips; for tha.t 'eI'fiI I Digitized by Google 6S SAM ~LICK,

consait, always shows a horse ain't true Iminions now j we have at last wiped off to draw. There are only two thin!l8,'Squire I that national stain." 'Worth lookin' at in a horse, act-iun and " Not quite, I guess," said he, with an soundness;for I n~er saw a critter that had air of triumph, "it ain't done with in Nova good action that was a bad beast. Old Clay Scotia, for I have seen these human cattle puts me in mind of one of our free and sales with my own eyes; I was availed of enlightened"- the truth of it up here to old Furlong=e "Excuse me," said I, Mr. Slick, but last November. I'll tell you the story," really you appropriate that word' free' said he; and as this story of the clock• to your countrymen, as if you thought no maker's contained some extraordinary other people in the .world were entitled to statements which I had never heard of be• it but yousselves." fore, I noted it in my journal, for the pur- "Neither be they," said he. "We first pose of ascertaining their truth; and, if sot the example. Look at our Declara- founded on fact, of laying them before the tion of Independence. It was writ byJef- proper authorities. ferson, and he was the first man of the " Last fall," said he, " I was on my way a~e; perhaps the world never seed his to Partridge Island, to ship off some truck ditto. It's a beautiful piece of penman- and produce I had taken in, in the way of ship that; he gave the British the but- trade; and as I neared old Furlong's house, eend of his mind there. I calculate you I seed an amazin' crowd of folks about couldn't fault it in no particular; it's. gen- the door; I said to myself, says I, Who's erally allowed to be his cap-sheaf. In the dead, and what's to pay now? what on first page of it, second section, and first airth is the meanin' of all this? Is it a varse, are these words: 'We hold this vandew, or a weddin', or a rollin' frolic, truth to be self-evident, that all men are or a religious stir, or what is it? Thinks I, created equal.' I guess King George I'll see i. so.I hitches Old Clay to the fence, turned his quid when he read that. It and walks in. It was some time afore I was somethin' to chaw on he hadn't been Iwas able to wiggle my way through the used to the flavor of, 1reckon." crowd, and get into the house. And when "Jefferson forgot to insert one little I did, who should I see but Deacon West• word," said I; "he should have said, 'all fall, a smooth-faced, slick-haired, meech• white men;' for as it now stands, it is a in' lookin' chap as you'd see in a hundred, practical, untruth in a country which tol- a standin' on a stool, with an auctioneer's erates domestic slavery in its worst and hammer in his hand; and afore him was most forbidding form. It is a declaration one Jerry Oaks and his wife, .and two lit• of shame, and not of independence. It is tle orphan children, the prettiest little as perfect a misnomer as ever I knew." toads I ever beheld in all my born days. " Wen," said he, " I must admit there 'Gentlemen,' said he, 'I will begin the is a screw loose somewhere thereabouts, sale by putting up Jerry Oaks, of Apple and I wish it would convene to Congress River; he's a considerable of a smart man to do somethin' or another about our nig- yet, and can do many little chores besides ~ers, but I am not quite certified how that feedin' the children and pigs; I guess he's • IS to be sot to rights; I consait that you near about worth his keep.' 'Will you don't understand us. But," said he, evad- warrant him sound, wind and limb?' says ing the subject with his usual dexterity, a tall, ragged lookin' countryman, ' for 11e "we deal only in niggers,-and those looks to me as if he was foundered in both thick-skulled, crooked-shanked, fiat- feet, and had a string halt into the bar• footed, long-heeled, woolly-headed gentle- gaip.' 'When you are as old as I be,' men don't seem fit for much else but slav- says Jerry, 'mayhap you may be foun• ery, I do suppose;' they ain't fit to contrive dered too, young man; I have seen the for themselves. They are just like grass- day when you wouldn't dare to pass that hoppers; they dance and sing all summer, joke on me, big as you be.' 'Will any and when winter comes they have. nothin' gentleman bid for him;' says the Deacon, provided for it, and lay down and die. 'he's cheap at 78.6d.' 'Why Deacon,' They require some one to see arter them. said Jerry, ' why surely your honor isn't Now, we deal in black niggers only, but agoin' for to sell me separate from my poor the Bluenoses sell their own species-they old wife, are you? Fifty years have we trade in white slaves." lived together as man and wife, and a good "Thank God!" said I, "slavery does wife has she been to me, through all my •• " exilit in any part of his MajestY'1ido- troubles and trials, and God knows I have

Digitized by Google THE OLOCKMAKER. 69

had enough of 'em. Noone knows my sixpence out ,of him. How .can he keep ways and my ailments but her; and who him? it appears to me the poor buy the can tend me so kina, or who will bear poor here, and that they all starve to• with the complaints of a poor old man goether.' . Says I, 'there was a very good but his wife? Do, Deqcon, and heaven man once lived to Liverpool, so good, he bless you for it, and youfs, do sell us to- said he hadn't sinned for seven years: well, gether; we have but a few days to live he put a mill-dam across the river, and now, death will divide us soon enough. stopped all the fish from going up, and Leave her to close my old eyes, when the the court fined him fifty pounds for it; struggle comes, and when it comes to you, and this good man was so wrathy, he D.ea;;'on,as come it must to us all, may this thought he should feel better to swear a good deed rise up for you, as a memorial little, but conscience told him it was before God. I wish it had pleased Him to wicked. So he compounded with con• have taken us afore it came to this, 'but science, and cheated the devil, by calling His will be done; , and he hung his head, it a "dam fine business." Now, friend as if he felt he had drained the cup of Porter, if this is your poor-law, it is a dezredation to its dregs. 'Cah't afford it, damn poor law, I tell you, and no good Je~ry- can't afford it, old man,' said the can come of such 'hard-hearted doin's. Deacon, with such a smile as a November It's no wonder your country don't prosper, sun gives, a passin' atween clouds. •Last for who ever heerd of a blessin' on such year they took oats for rates, now nothin' carryin's on as this?' Says I, "Did you but wheat will go down, and that's as ever hear tell of a sartain rich man, that good as cash; and you'll hang on, as most had a beggar called Lazarus laid at his of you do, yet these many years. There's gate, and how the dogs had more compas• old Joe Crowe, I believe in my conscience sion than he had, and came and licked his he will live forever.' The biddin' tlren sores? cause if you have, look at that fore• went on, and he was sold for six:shillings handed and 'sponsible man there, Deacon a week. Well, the poor critter gave one Westfall, and you see the rich man. And long, loud, deep groan, and then folded then look at that 'ere pauper, dragged his arms over his breast, so tight that he away in that ox-cart from his wife forever, seemed tryin' to keep in his heart from like a feller to State's prison, and you see bustln'. I ¢tied the misfortunate wretch Lazarus. Recollect what follered, John from my soul; I don't know as I ever felt Porter, and have neither art nor part in it, so streaked afore. Not so his wife,-she as you are a Christian man.' was all .tongue, She begged, and prayed, "It fairly made me sick all day. John and cried, and scolded, and talked at the Porter follered me out of the house, and very tib eend of her-voice, till she became, as I was a turnin' Old Clay, said he, 'Mr. poor critter, exhausted, and went off ill a Slick,' says he, •I never seed it in that· faintin' fit; and they ketched her up and 'ere light afore, for it's our custom, carried her out to the air, and she was and custom, you know, will reconcile one sold in that condition. to 'most anything. I must say. it does " Well, I couldn't make head or tail of appear, as you lay it out, an unfeelin' way all this, I could hardly believe my eyes of providin' for the poor; but, as touchin' and ears; so says I to .Iohn Porter,-him the matter of dividin' man and wife, why' that has that catamount of a wife. that I (and he peered all round to see that no one had such a touse with,-' John Porter,' was within hearin'}, 'why, I don't know, says I. ' who ever seed or heerd tell of but if it was my allotment to he -sold, I'd the like of this? what under the sun does as lien's they'd sell me separate from Jane it all mean? 'Vh:Lt has that 'ere critter as not. for it appears to me it's about the done that he should he sold arter that best part of it.' fasliion?' 'DOll£,' said he, • why uothin", "Now, what 1 have told you, Squire" "and that's the ref son they sell him. This said the clockmaker, "is the truth: and if is town-meetiu' ( ay, and we always sell members, instead of their evcrlastin' pol• the poor for the :'ear, to the lowest bid- itics, would only look into these matters a _ der .. Them tha : will keep them for the little, I .£!Uf'SS it would he fnr bettor for lowest sum, gets them.' • \Vhy,' say's I, the count- y. So. as for 0111' Declaration of , that feller that bouzht him is a pauper Independence, I ["ue~s you needu'f twit bimself, to my sartin knowledge. If you me with our slave-sales, 'fot' we deal only - 'Wereto take him up by the heels and in hlacks; but Bluenose approbates flo shake him for a week, you couldn't shake I distinction in colors,. and ~eud·~.4 Digitized by Gv CSL"- 70 SAM SLICK,

to poverty, is reduced to slavery, and is house is in the chimbley corner, where the sold-a wlti~e nigyer." folks all huddle up, as an old hell and her chickens do under a cart of a wet day. •I wish I had the matter of half a dozen pounds of nails,' yuu'll hear the old gen- CHAPTER XXVIIT. tleman in the grand house say, 'I'll be darned if I dun't, for if I bad I'd fixed F IBE IN THE D AI BY. them 'ere clapboards; I guess they'll go for it some 0' these days.' '1wish you had,' As we approaclied : within fifteen 01' his wife wuuld say, 'for they do make a twenty miles of Parrsboro", a sudden turn most particular unhansurn clatter, that's a uf the road brought us directly in front of fact;' awl so they let it be till the next a large wooden house, consisting of two tempestical time comes, and then they stories and an immense roof, the height of wish ·ag'in. Now; this grand house has which edifice was much increased by a only two rooms down-stairs that are alto• stone fonndation, rising several feet above gether slicked up and finished off com• ground. \ plete; tbe other is jist petitioned off rough " Now, did you ever see," said 1\'11'. Slick, like, one half great dark entries, and "such a catamaran as that? there's a t'other half places that look a plaguy proper goney for you, for to go and raise sight more like packin' boxes than rooms. such a buildin' as that 'ere, and he as much Well, all up-stairs is a great onfarnished use for it I do suppose as myoId 'Yagon place, filled with every sort of good-for- I here has for a fifth wheel. Bluenose al- nothin' trumpery in natur'-barrels with• ways takes keel' to have a big house, 'cause out eends; corn-cobs half husked; cast-off it shows a Ligman, and one that's consider- clothes and bits of old harness; sheep• able forehanded, and pretty well to do in skins, hides, and wool; apples, one half the world. These Nova Scotians turn up rotten, and t'other half squashed; a'thou• their blue noses as a bottle-nose porpoise sand or two of shingles that have bust turns up his snout, and puff and snort ex- their withes, and broke loose all over the actly like him at a small house. If neigh- floor; bay rakes, forks, and sickles, with• Lor Carrit has a two-story house, all filled out handles oJ teeth; rusty scythes, and with winders, like Sandy Hook light- odds and ecnds without number, When house, neighbor Parsnip must add jist two anything is wanted, then there is a general feet more on to the post of his'n, and overhaul of the whole cargo, and away ahout as much more to the rafter, to go they get shifted Iorard, one by one, all ahead of him; so all these long sarce geu- handled over and chucked into a heap to• tlemen strive who can get the furdest in gether till the lost one is found; and the the sky, away from their farms. In New next time, away they get pitched to the England our maxim is a small house, and starn ag-'in, higglety pigglety, heels over a most an' everlastin' almighty big barn; head, like sheep takin' a split for it over a but these critters revarse it; they .have wall; only they increase in number each. little hovels for their cattle, about the big- move, cause some on 'em are sure to get ness of a good sizable hear trap, and a broke into more pieces than there was house for the humans as grand as Noah's afore. Whenever I see one of these grand Ark. Well, jist look at it and see what a houses, and a hat lookin' out 0' the win• flgur' it does cut. An old hat stuffed into del' with nary head in it, think I, I'll be one pane of ~lass. ann an old flannel petti- darned if that's a place for a wooden co:tt. [1$ ynller as jaundice, in another. fin- clock-e-nof hin' short of a London touch ish oITthe f'ront; an 01,1 pair of breeches, would !TO down with them folks, so I cal• and the pad of a bran new cart-saddle culate Twon't alight. worn out. t.t.ivate the eeud, while the ,. Whenever yon come to such a grand bir-kside is all closed up on a:'eotlllt of the plnce as' this, 'Squire. depend on't the wiul. ""'11"11 it ruins. if there ain't a farm is all of a niece, gTPflt crops of this• prpt.t:y liow-do-vou-rl». it's a pity=-beds tles, find all evo rlnstin' vielrl of weeds, toted out o ' this room and tubs set in and crtt:« the lirst. fed of nnv in the coun• t'nthp}, to cntr-h soft water to wash: while try, for thr-v are always in the I!rain fields th ~c1:1]11>oa1',18,loose at the eends, go clap. or mowin' lnmls, and the nivs a rootin' in clap, clap, like qa18 a hackl in' flax, and I the pot-rto patches. A spic and snnn new the winders and doors keep a darrein' to I gi~ at the door, shinin' like the mud banks the music. The only dry place in the: of Windsor, when .the supt& 011 'elph and Digitized by \...::rOOgLt.. THE, CLOCKMAKER. 71

an old wrack of a hay wagon, with its breathe either ag'In, Well, when all was tongue onhitched, and stickin' out behind, sot to rights and the fire made up, the like a pig's tail, all indicate a big man. old lady Legan to apologize for havin' no He's above thinkin' of farmin' tools, he candles; she said she'd had a grand tea• sees to the bran new gig; and the hired party the night afore, and used them all helps look arter the carts. Catch him up, and' n whole sight of vittles too; the with his go-to-meetin' clothes on, a rubbin' old man hadn't been well since and had agin their nasty greasy axles, like a tarry gone to bed airly. 'But,' says she, 'I do nigger; not he, indeed, he'd stick you up wish with all my heart you bad a come with it. last night, for we had a most a special " The last time I came by here, it was a supper,-puukin pies and doughnuts, and little bit arter daylight down, rainin' cats apple-sarce, and, a roast goose stuffed and dogs, and as dark as Egypt; 80, thinks with Indian puddin' and a pig-'s harslet I, I'll jist turn in here for shelter to stewed in molasses and onions, and I 'Squh'e Bill Blake's. Well, I knocks away don't know what all; and the fore part of at the front door, till I thought I'd a split to-day folks called to finish.' I actilly it in; hut arter a rappiu' awhile to no have nothin' to set afore you; for it was purp,ose, and flndin' no one come, I gropes none 0' your skim-milk parties, but super• my way round to the back door, and fine uppercrust, real jam, and we made opens it, and feelin' all along the partltion clean 'Workof it. But I'll make some tea, for the latch of the keepin' room, without anyhow, for you, and perhaps, after that,' find in' it, I knocks a~'in, when some one said she, alterin' of her tone, 'perhaps from inside calls out. ' Walk! ' Thinks I, you'll expound the Scriptures, for its one I don't cleverly know whether that indi• while since I've heerd them laid open cates • walk in,' or' walk out;' its pl9tguy powerfully. I hain't been fairly Iifted up short metre, that's a fact; but r II see any• since that good man Judas Oglethrop, how. Well, arter gropin' about awhile, travelled this road;' and then she gave at last I got hold of a string and lifted the a groan and hung down her head, latch and walked in, and there sot old and looked cornerways, to see how the Harm Blake, close into one comer of the land lay thereabouts. The teakettle was ehimbley fireplace, a see-sawin' ill a rock• accordingly put on, and some lard fried in' chair, and a half grown black bouse• into oil, and poured into a tumbler ; help, half asleep in t'other corner, a which, with the aid of an inch of cotton scroudgin' up ovel: the embers. 'Who be wick, served as a makeshift for a candle. you?' said Marm Blake, 'for I can't see "Well, arter tea we sot and chatted you.' 'A stranger' said I, 'Beck' says awhile about fashions, and markets, and she, speakin' to the black heifer in the sarrnons, and scandal, and all sorts 0' corner, 'Beck!' says she ag'in, raisin' her things: and, in the midst of it, in runs the voice, 'I believe you are as def as a post; nigrrer wench scream in' out at the tip eend get up this minit and stir the coals, till I of her voice, '0 Missus !missus ! there's see the mm.' Arter the coals were Pire, in the dairy, Fire in the dairy! ' , I'll 'Stirred into a blaze, the old lady surveyed give, it to you for that,' said the old lady, me from head to footj then she axed me 'I'll give it you for that, you good-for• my name, and where I came from, where nothin' hussy; that's all yourcarelessness; I was azoiu', and what my husiuess was. go and put it out this minit; how on airth \' I guess,' said she, 'you must be reasona• did it get there? my night's milk gone, I ble wet; sit to the fire and dry yourself, dare say; run this minute and put it out, or mayhap your health may be endemni• and save the milk.' I am dreadful afeard fied pr'aps.' of fire, I always was from a boy, and seein' " So I sot down, and we soon got pretty the poor foolish critter seize a broom in considerably well acquainted, and quite her fright, I ups with the tea-kettle and sociable like. and her toruruo, when it follows her ; and away we clipped throurrh fairly waked up, began to run like a mill• the entry, she callin' out' Mind the cellar race when the gate's up, I hadn't 11<'el1door on the rizht l ' 'Take kear of the talkin' long, 'fore I well nigh lost sight of close-horse on the left!' and so 011, hut as her altogether ag'in, for little Beck hegan I couldn't see nothin', I kept right straight' to flourish about her broom, rig-ht and ahead. At last my foot kotched in some• left in great style, :t clearin' up,' and she thin' or another, that pitched me some• did raise such an awful thick cloud 0' what less than a rod or so, right az'In the _Uit I didn't know if I should ever see or poor black critter, and away;,. went 'Digitized by Google 72 SAM SLICh.

heels over head. I heerd a splash and may lay this down as a rule: The bigger the a groan, and I smelt somethin' plaguy holtse the IJi:l!le,.tilefools be that's in it. sour, but I couldn't see nothin' ; at last I 0; But howsomever, '!never call to mind got hold of her and lifted her up, for she that 'ere go in the big house up to the didn't scream, but made a strange kind of right, that I don't snicker when I think of chokin' noise, and by this time up came , Fire in the dairy.' " Marm Blake with a light. If poor Beck didn't let KOthen in' airnest, and sing out for dear hfe it's a pio/., for she had gone head first into the swill-tub and the tea• CHAPTER XXIX. kettle had scalded her fect. She kept a dancin' right up and down, like one ravin' A BODY WlTHOC'T A' HEAD. distracted mad, and boo-hoo'd like any• thing, clawin' away at her head the whole "I ALLOT you had ought to visit onr time, to clear away the stuff that stuck to great country, 'Squire." said the clock• her wool. maker, "afore you quit for good and all. "I held in as long as I could, till I I calculate you don't understand us. The thought I should have Lusted. for no soul most splendid location atween the poles is could help a lartin', and ·at last I baw• the United Stab's, and the first man alive hawed right out. •You good-Ior-nothin' is Giueral Jackson. the hero of the age, stupid slut, you,' said the old lady to poor him that's skeered the British out of their Beck, 'it sarves you right, you had no seven S(,118(,S, Then there's the great business to leave it there-I'll p:1Vyou.' Daniel Wel.ster ; it's generally allowed 'But,' said I, interferiu' for the ullfortll• he's the ~reatest orator on the face of the nate critter, 'good gracious marrn 1 you airt~, by a long chalk; and Mr. Van forget the fire.' , X0 1 don't,' said she, Buren, and !tIl'. Clay, and Amos Kindle, 'I see him,' and seizin' the broom that had and Judge White, and a whole raft of fallen from the nigger's hand, she ex• statesmen, up to everything and all man• claimed, 'I see him, the nasty varmit,' ner of politics; there ain't the beat of 'em and began to belabor most onmarcifully a to be found anywhere. If you was to poor half-starved cur that the noise had hear 'em I consait you'd hear genuine attracted to the entry. 'I'll teach you,' pure English for once, anyhow; for it's said she, 'to drink milk; I'll Iarn you to generally allowed we speak English better steal into the dairy,' and the besot critter than the British. They all know me to joined chorus with Beck, and they both be an American citizen here, hy my talk, yelJed together, till they fairly made the for we speak it complete in New Engfand. house ring ag'in, Presently old 'Squire "Yes, if you want to see a free people Blake popped his head out qf a door, and =-tbem that makes their own laws, rubbin' his eYNI, half asleep and half accordin' to their own notions-go to the awake, said. ' What the dovil's to pay now, States. Indeed, if JOu can fault them at' wife?' '''11Y nothin',' says she, 'only, all, they are a little grain too free. Our Fire's in the dairu, and Beck's in' the folks have .their head a trifle too much, swill-tub, thwt's all.' 'Well, don't make sometimes, particular in elections, both such a touse, then,' said he, ' if that's all,' in freedom of speech and freedom of and he shot tu the door and went to ueeb press. One hadn't OUg)ltto blart right ag'in. When we returned to the keepin' out always all that comes uppermost. A room, the old lady told me that they al• horse that's too free frets himself and his, ways had bad a dog called 'Fire' ever rider too, and Loth on 'em lose flesh in the since her grandfath~r, Major Donald long run. I'd e'enamost as lives use the Fraser's time, 'and what wa.s very odd.' whip sometimes, as to be for everlastrnly says she, 'everyone on' em would drink a pullin' at the rein, One's arm gets milk if he had a chance.' plaguy tired. that's a fact. I often think "By this time the shower was over, of a lesson I larnt Jehiel Quirk once, for and the moon shinin' so hright and clear lettin' his tongue outrun his good man• that I thought I'd better he up and stirrin" ners. and arter slippin' a few cents into the poor " I was down to Rhode Island one sum• nigger wench's hand, I took leave of the mer, to larn gildin' and bronzin", so as to grand folks in the big house. Now 'Squire, give the flnishin' touch to my clocks. among these middlin' sized farmers you Well, the folks elected me a liog-reeve,

Digitized by Google THE CLOUKMAKEH. 73

jist to poke fun at me, and Mr. Jehiel, a man;' he's actUly the first pothook on the beanpole of a lawyer, was at 'he bottom crane; the whole weight is on him; if it of it. So one day, up to Town Hall, warn't for him the fat would be in the where there was au oration to be de-, fire in no time. I wonder you don't show livered on our Independence, jist afore him that respect-it would't hurt you one the orator commenced. in runs Jehiel in morsel, I guess.' Says he, quite miffy a most all-fired lnnry ; and says he, 'I like, 'Don't he know the way to court as wonder,' says he, 'it there's ary a hog- well as I do? If I thought he didn't, I'd reeve here? because if there; be Lrequire send one of my niggers to show him the a turn of his office.' And then, said he, road. I wonder who was his lackey last a lookin' up to me, and callin' out at the year, that he wants me to be his'n this tip eend of his voiee, 'Mr. Hog-reeve time? It don't convene to one of our free Slick,' savs he, 'here's a job out here for and enlightened citizens to tag arter any you.' Folks snickered a good deal, and I man, that's a. fact; it's too English, and felt my spunk a risin' like half flood, too foreign for our glorious institutions. that's a fact; but I bit in my breath, and He's bound by law tu be there at ten spoke quite cool. ' Possible?' says [;: o'clock, and so be I, and we both know , well, duty, I do suppose, must be done,: the wa'S there I reckon.' ' thouzh it ain't the most a~reeable in tho i "1 told the story to our minister, Mr. world. I've been a thirikin"," says 1" Hopewell (and he has some odd notions 'that I would be liable to a fine of IHLy I a,l1l)ut him, that man, though he don't cents for sutIerin' a hog to run at LtL',,!."e, 'I' alwa~s let out wl~lLthe thinks). Says and as you are the biggest oue, I presume, he,' Sam, that was III bad taste' (a great in all Rhode Island, I'll jist begin by' phrase of the old gentleman's, that), 'in rmgln' your nose, to prevent you for the' bad taste, Sam, That 'ere sheriff was a futur' from pekin' your snout where yon I goney ; don't cut your cloth arter his hadn't ought to;' and I seized him hy l pattel'll, or your garment won't become the nose and nearly wrung it off. WcU, I you, I tell you. We are too enlightened yon never heerd such a shoutin' and clap- I to worship our fellow citizens as the pin' of hands, and cheerin', in your life; I ancienta did, but we ought to pay great they haw-hawed like thunder. Says I, I res~ect to vartue and exalted talents in 'Johiel Quirk, that was a superb joke of I this life, ann arter their death there your'n; how you made the folks larf, should be statues of eminent men placed didn't you? You are e'enamost the wit- in our national temples for the veneration tiest critter I ever seed. I guess you'll of arter ages, and public ceremonies per• mind your parts 0' speech, and study formed annually to their honor. Arter the accidence ag'in afore yon let your all, Sam,' said he (ann he made a consid• clapper run arter that fashion, won't erable of a long pause, as if he was you?' " dubersome whether he ought to speak "I thought," said I, " that among you out or not), 'arter all, Sam,' said he, republicans, there were no gradations of' •atween ourselves (hut you must not' let rank or office, and that all were equal; on I ~:l id so, for the fullness of time hain't the hog-reeve and the governor, the yet «orne}, half a yard of blue ribbou is a judge and the crier, the master and his plr-uuy cheap way of reward in' merit, as servant; awl although from the nature of tl l.l English do; and, although we lad at things, more power migh.t he entrusted to 'I..'m (for folks always wi,ll larf at what one than the other, yet that the rank of they hain't got, and never can get), yet all was precisely the same." titles ain't bad things as objects of am- "Well," said he, ., it is so in theory. bition, are they?' Then tappin' me am but not always in practice; and when we the shoulder, and lookin' up and smilin': do practise it, it seems to go a little ag'in as he always did when he was pleased the grain, as if it warn't quite right with an idee, 'Sir Samuel Slick would not neither. 'When I was last to Baltimore sound had, I guess, would it Sam ?' there wasa court there, and Chief .Justice '" When I look at the English House of Marshall was detailed there for duty. Lords,' said he, 'and see so much larning, Well, with us ill New England, the sheriff piety, talent, honor, vartue, and refine• a.ttends the judge to court, and says I to mcnt collected together, I ax myself this the sheriff, 'Why don't you escort that 'I here question: Can a system which pro• 'ere venerable old judge to the State duces and sustains such a body of men as Bouse? He's a credit to our nation, that the world never saw before and never will Digitized by Google SAM SLICK,

see ag'in, be defective? -w-u, I answer I chit-chat, and too often ends in angry myself, perhaps it is, for all human jn- 'discussion, How long he .continued this stitutions are, so, but I guess it's e'ena- train of speculation . do not know, but, bout the best arter all. It wouldn't do judging by the different aspect of the here now, Sam, nor perhaps for a century I country, I must have slept an hourv , ·to come; but it will come sooner or latPi'l I was at length aroused by the report of .with some variations. Now the Newto ..u his rifie, which be had discharged from pippin, when transplanted to Englau«, : the wagon. The last I recollected of his don't produce such fruit as it does ill conversation was, I think, about Ameri• Long Island, and English fruits don't can angels baving no voice in the govern• presarve their flavor here neither; allow- ment, an assertion that struck my drowsy ance must be made for difference of soil faculties as not strictly true; as I had and climate' (0 Lord l thinks I, if he turns often heard that the American ladies into his orchard, I'm done for; I'll have talked frequently and warmly on the to give him the dodge somebow or an- subject of politics, and knew that one of other, through some hole in the fence, them had. very recently the credit of that's a fact; but he passed on that time). breaking up General Jackson's cabinet. 'So it is,' said he, 'witb constitutions; When 1 awoke, the first I heard was, 'our'n will gradually approximate to their'n "Well! I declare, if that ain't an amazin' and their'n to ourn. .As they lose their fine shot, too, considerin' how the critter strength of executive, they will varge to was a runnin' the whole blessed time j if I republicanism, and as we invigorate the hain't cut her head off with a ball jist be• form of government (as we must do, or go low the throat, that's a fact. There's no to the 'old boy), we shall tend towards a mistake in a good Kentucky rifle, I tell monarchy. If this comes on gradually, you." like the changes in the human body, by "Whose head?" said I, in great alarm, the slow approach of old age, so much "whose bead, Mr. Slick? for heaven's the better; but I fear we shall have fevers sake what have you done?" (for I bad and convulsion-fits, and colics, and an been dreaming of those angelic poli• everlastin' gripin' of the intestines first; ticians, the American ladies.] you and I won't live to see it, Samj but "Why. that 'ere hen-partridge's head, to our posteriors will, you may depend.' be sure," said he; "don't you see how " I don't go the whole figur' with min- special wonderful wise it looks, a flutter• ister," said the clockmaker, "but I do in' about arter its head?" opinionate with him in part; In our busi- "True," said I, rubbing my eyes, and ness relations we belie our political prin- opening them in time to see the last mus• ciples ; we say every man is equal in the cular spasms of the decapitated body; Union, and should have an equal vote and "true, Mr. Slick, it is a happy illustration voice in the government; but in our of our previous conversation-a body with• banks, railroad companies, factory corpo- out a head." rations, and so on, every man's vote is rogilated by his share and proportion of' stock; and if it warn't so, no man would CHAPTER XXX. take hold on these things at all. "Natur' ordained it so: a father of a A TALEOF BUNKER'SHILL. family is head, and rules supreme in Ilis household; his eldest son and darter are MR. SLICK, like all his countrymen like first leftenants under him, and then whom I have seen, felt that his OWIl ex• tlrere is an overseer over the niggers; it istence was involved in. that of the Con• would not do for all to be equal there. stitution of the United States, and that So it is in the univarse, it is ruled by one it was his duty to uphold it upon all oo• Superior Power; if all the angels had a casions. He affected to consider its gov• voice in the government I guess "-Here I ernment and its institutions as per:lect, fell fast asleep; I had been nodding for and if any doubt was suggested as to the some time, not in approbation of what he stability or character of either, would said, but in heaviness of slumber, for I make the common reply of all Americans, had never before heard him so prosy "I guess you don't understand us," or since I first overtook him on the Co]- else enter into a labored defense. When chester road. I hate politics as a subject left, However, to the free expression of ef conversation; it is -too wide a field for his own thoughts, he weu1d of:ttn iiv • • ,_'_., Digitized by \...:JOogle TIlE CLOC1{MAKER. 75 utterance to those apprehensions which vided into two great families, the Catho• most men feel iit the event of an experi- Iic and Protestant. Well, the .Catholic is ment not yet fairly tried, and which has a united family, a happy family, and a in many parts evidently disappoiuted the strong family, all governed by one head ; sanguine hopes of its tiiends, But, even and Sam, as sure as eggs is eggs, that on these occasions, when his vigilance 'ere family will grub out t'other one, seemed to slumber, he would generally stalk, branch, and root; it won't so much cover them hy giving them as the re- as leave the seed of it in the ground, to marks of others: or concealing them in grow by chance as a natural curiosity. a tale. It was this habit that gave his Now the Protestant family is like a bun• discourse rather the appearance of think- dle of refuse shingles, when withed up ing aloud than a connected couversation. together (which it never was and never .. We are a great nation, ' Squire," he will be to all etarnity), no great of a.bun• said, "that's sartain: but I'm areard we dle arter all; you might 'take it up under didn't altogether start right. It's in pol- one arm, and walk off with it without itics as in racin', everything depends winkiu'. But, when all lyin' loose as it upon a fair-start, If you are off too quick; always is, jist look at it, and see what a you have to pull up and turn back ag'In, sight it is: all blowin' about by every and YOUl' beast gets out of wind and is wind of doctrine, some away up e'ena• baflled ; and jf yuu lose in the start you most out of sight, others rollin' over and hain't got a fair chance arterwards, and over in the drrt, some split to pieces, and ~re plaguy apt to be jockeyed in the others so warped by the weather and course. WIie~ we set up housekeepin', cracked by the sun-no two of 'em will .as it were, for ourselves, we hated our lie so as to make a close jiut, They are stepmother, Old England, so dreadful all divided into sects, railm", quarrelin', bad, we wouldn't foller any of her ways separatin', and agreein' in nothin' but (If managin' at all, hut made new receipts hatin' each other. It is awful to think 1'0' ourselves. Well, we missed it in on. T'other family will some day or many things most consumedly, somehow other gathor them all..up, put them into or another. Did you ever see," said he, a bundle and Lind them up tight, and "a. congregation split right in two by a condemn 'em as tit for uothin' under the quarrel, and one part go off and set up sun, but the flre, Now he who splits for themselves? " one of these here sects by schism, 01' he "I am sorry to say," said I, "that I who preaches schism, commits a grievous have seen some melancholy instances of sin, and Sam, if you vally your own peace the kind.'" of mind, have nothin' to do with such "Well, they shoot ahead, or drop folks. astern, as the case may be, but they soon " , It's pretty much the same in poll• get on another tack, and leave the old tics. I ain't quite clear in my conscience, ship clean out of sight. When folks once Sam, about our glorious Revolution. If take to emigratin' in religion in this way, that 'ere blood was shed justly in the they never know where to bide. First rebellion, then it was the I.OI'd's doin', they try one location, and then they try but if unlawfully, how am I to answer another; some settle here, and some im- for my share in it? I was at Bunker's prove there, but they don't hitch their Hill (the most splendid battle it's gener• horses toge.the.r long. Sometimes they I ally allow.ed that ever was fOllo-ht). what complain they hare too little water, at effect my shots had, I can't tell 'and I other times tl~;lt they hru:e too mueh ; they I am glad 'r can't. all except one, S~.m,and are never satisfied, and, wherever these that.shot '-Here the old gentleman be• separatists gl) they onsettle others as came dreadful arritated, he shook like an bad as themselves. Lnexer look on a de- ague fit,· and he walked up and down the sorter a« 1M!! !Ir(>at slrake«. room. and wrung his hands, and groaned ".My poor f:11.1)(>1' used to say, 'Sam. bittcrlv. 'I have wraatled with the mind ~'hdt. I tt':l you: i.f a ~l:ln r]nll't LOl:d, Sam, and have prayed to Him to :t;.!TCC 111 a,11p:ll ticu lars with h1R ehu rch, enlirrhten me on. that pint, and to wash a~!:~~~'!l'!yo t.!!:~ wh.vle htl!r \~itll 'em, he out t.he stain of that 'ere blood from my all, t Jl1~;tl;wd OJI that account nohow. to hands. I never told you that 'ere story, separute t rom tlu-m. f'or, Sam, "S"hi:-:m nor :rOUI' mother, neither for she could is a Bin in ihr r;te oj" God." The whole not stand it poor cl'itte~ she'a kinder Christian world,' he would say, 'ill di- narvous, '

Digitized by Google 76 SAM SLICK,

" 'Well, Doctor Warren (the first sOl-Ion airth ails you, to mak9Jyou act so like dier of his age, though he never fought Old Scratch in your sleep? I l:lo believe afore) commanded us vall to resarve our there's somethin' or another on YOUI' fire till the British came within pillt-I conscience." And I say, "Polly dear, I , blafik shot, and we could cleverly see the guess we're a goiu' to have rain, for:that white.s of their eyes, aud we did so; and "plaguy cute rlieumatiz has seized my foot. we mowed them down like grass, and we and it does antagonize me so I have no repeated our fire with awful effect. I peace. It always does 80 when it's like was among the last that remained behind for a change." •. Dear heart," she says the breastwork, for most 011 'em, arter (the poor siraple critter), "then I guess the second shot, cut and run full split. I had Letter rub it, hadn't I, Sam?" The British were close to us; uud all of- and she crawls out of'hed and gets her ficer, with his sword drawn, was leading I red flannel petticoat, and rubs away at on his men, and encouragiu' them to the: my foot ever so long. 0, Sam, if 'she charge. I could see his features; he Icould rub it out of my heart as easy as was a rael handsum man: 1 can see him she thinks she rubs it out of my foot, I now with his white breeches and black should be in peace, that's a fact. gaiters. and red coat, and three-cornered .. '''What's done, Sam, can't be helped, cocked hat, as plain as if it was yesterday there's no use 111 cryiu' over spilt milk, instead of the year '75. Well, I took a but still one can't help a thinkin' on it. steady aim at him, and fired. He didn't Hut I don't love schisms, and I don't love· move for a space, and I thought I had rebellion. missed him, when all of a sudden he sprung " 'Our Revolution has made us grow right.straight up on eend, his sword slip- faster and grow richer; but, Sam, when ped through his hands up to the pint, we were younger and poorer, we were and then he jell flat 011 his Iace atop of more pions and more happy. We have the blade, aud it came straight out through nothiu' fixed, either in religion or politics. his back. lIe was fairly skivered. I What connection there ought to be atween never seed anything so awful siuce I was Church and State, I am not availed, but raised; I actilly screamed out with hor- some there ought to Ue, as sure as the. 1'01'; and I threw a,,,ay my gun and joined Lord made Moses. Religion, when left to them that were retreatin' over the neck itself', as with 11S, grows too rank and lux• to Charlestown. Sam, that 'ere British uriant, Suckers and sprouts, and inter• officer, if our rebellion was onjust or 011- secting shoots, and superfluous wood, lawful, was murdered, that's a fact; and make a nice shady tree to look at, but the idee, now I am growin' old, haunts whcre's the fruit, Sam? that's the ques• me day and night. Sometimes I begin tiou-ewhcre's the fruit? No; the pride with the Stamp Act, and I go over all of hum all wisdom, and the presumbtlon it our grievances, one by one, ann. say, breeds will ru inate us. .Iefferson was an Ain't they a sufficient justification? infidel, and avowed it, and gloried ill it, 'Well, it makes a long list, awl I get and called it the enliuhteumeut of the kinder satisfied, and it appears as dear age. Cambridge College is Unitarian, as anything. But sometimes there come 'cause it looks wise to doul.t, and every doubts 11\ my mind, jist like a guest drumstick of a boy ridicules the belief of . that's not invited or not experted , and his forefathers. If our country is to be takes you at a short like, and I say, I darkened hy infidelity,. our goverument \Varn't the Stamp Ad repealed, and C011- defiled hy every State, and every State cessions made".ann. waru'f offers sent to ruled by mol-s=-thcn. Sam, the Llood we settle all fairly? and I get troubled ~llld shed in our Revolution will lie atoned for oneasy ag'In, And then I say to myself, ill the blood and suffering of our fellow says I, 0 yes, but them offers carne too citizens. The murders of that civil war late. I do nothin' now, when I am alone, will le expiated by a political suicide of hut argue it over and over ag'in. I actil- the State.' lv dream on that man in my sleep some- "I am somewhat of father's opinion," times, and then 1 see him as plain as if be said the clockmaker, "though I don'f > was afore me; and I go over it all ag'in go the whole 1i~rtU;' with him; but he till I come to that 'ere shot, and then I needn't have made such an everlastin' leal' right up in bed and scream like touse about fixiu' that 'ere British officer's all vengeance, and your mother, poor old flint for him, for hed a died of himself by cl'iUer, say.., "Sam," says she, "what I this time, I do suppose, if he had a missed Digitized by Google THE CLOCKMAKER. 77

his 'Shot at him. P'r'aps we might have ble, he has no more pride than a babe, and done a little better, and pr'ups we might- so 'short-handed, he's no butter on his. n't, by stickin' a little closer to the old bread-all self-denial, mortifyin' the flesh. Constitution. But one thing I will say: I Well, as SOOI1 as he can work it, he mar• think, arter all, your colony government ries the richest gal in all his flock, and is about as happy and as good a one as I then his bread is buttered on both sides. know on. A man's life and property are jlle promised too much. well protected here at little cost, and he " Then comes a doctor, and a prime ar• can go where he likes, and do what he ticle he is, top. 'I've got,' says he,' a likes, provided he don't trespass on his screw auger emetic and hot crop, and if I ·neighbor.· can't cure all sorts 0' things ill natur' my "I guess that's enough for any on us, name ain't Quack.' Well, he turns stom- now ain't it l'" . ach and pocket both inside out, and leaves poor Bluenose-a dead man. He promised too much. . CHAPTER XXXI. "Then comes a lawyer, an honest law• yer too, a rael wonder under the sun, as GULLING A BLUENOSE. straight as a shingle in all his' dealins. He's so honest he can't bear to hear tell "I ALI.OT," said Mr. Slick, "that the of other lawyers; he writes ag'in 'em, Bluenoses are the most gullible folks of raves ag'in 'em, votes ag'ill 'em; they are the face of the airthc--e-igular soft horns,' all rogues but him. He's jist the man to that's a fact. Politics and such stuff set take a case in hand, 'cause he will see jus• 'em a gapin", like children in a chimbly i tice done. Well, he wins his case, and corner listeniu' to tales of ghosts, Salem fobs all for costs, cause he's sworn to see witches, and Nova Scotia snow-storms, justice done to-himself. He promi8ea and while they stand starin' and yawp in' , too milch. all eyes and mouth, they get their pockets "Then comes :t Yankee clockmaker " picked of every cent that'a in 'em. One (aud here Mr. Slick looked up and smiled), candidate chap says, 'Feller citizens, this J "with his 'soft sawder,' and 'human country is gain' to the dogs hand over natur',' and he sells clocks warranted to hand; look at your rivers, you have no run from .July to etarnity, stoppages in• bridges; at your wild lands, you have no eluded, and I must say they do run as roads; at your treasury. you hain't got a long as-as long as wooden clocks com• cent in it; at your tn-irkets things don't monly do, that's a fact. But I'll show fetch nothin' ; at your fish, the Yankees r.0ll presently how I put the leake into ketch 'em all. There's nothiu' behind em, for here's a feller a little bit ahead you but sufferin', around you but poverty, on us, whose flint I've made up my mind afore you but 81~veryand death. What's to fix this while past." IIere we were the e~use of this un,heerd of awful state nearly thrown out· of the wagon by the ,?f tluugs,- aye, what s the cause ? 'Why, breaking down of one of those small Judges, and banks; and lawyers, and great wooden hridues. which prove so annoying folks, have swallered all the money. and so (Ltn~~rous to travellers. "Did you They've got you down, and they'll keep heal' that •ere snap?" said he: "well, as you down to all etarnity, you and your sure as fate. I'll break my clocks over posteriors arter yo~. Rise up, like men I them 'ere etarnal log bridzes. if Old Clay arouse yl)urse~ves like freemen, and elect dips over them arter that fnsh ion. Them me to the legl;sla.tur', and 1'1110aoon the 'ere poles arR pln=uv treacherous: they ~~all but patrintic band; I'll put the big' are jist like old ~Iarm Patience Doeszood'a WIg'S tl~rou'!l~ their facins, I'll make 'em' teeth. that keeps the !!'reat United Inde• :8ha~e III their shoes, I'll knock off your pendent Democratic Hotel at Squaw Neck -chaius and make you frce.' \Vell. the Creek, in :\lassltchusetts.-one half gone, goneys fall tu and elect him. and he de- and t'other half rotten eends." sarts righ~ away. with balls, rifle, powder, " I thouuht you had disposed of your horn. and all. He promised too much. last clock." said I, at Colchester, to Dea- "Tbe!l comes a rael good man, and an COil Flint." eve~ll\stm' fine preacher, a most especial " So I did," he replied. "the last one I Ipirltual mani'renounces the world, the had to sell to him, but I've got a few left desh, :--ndthe ( ~vil, preaches and prays day j for other folks yet. Now there is a man ~~d nli.h~ ae kind ~ ille peg}"a::rlae :q~!Il- on this roa<4ol)e Zeb A.lltm,~:ae~ "eq-uiM '. Digitized by LrOogLe SAM SLICK,

skinflint, a proper close-fisted customer as that's the truth. The fact is," said he you'll a'most see anywhere, and one that's throwing down his reins, and affecting a not altogether the strai~ht thing in his most confidential tone, "I felt almost dealin' neither. He don t want no one to ashamed of them myself, I tell you. live but himself; and he's mighty hand- T~e long and short of the matter is jist sum to me,-sayin'my clocks are all a this: they don't make no good- ones now• cheat, and that we ruinate the country, a adays, no more, for they calculate 'em drain in' every drop of money out of it, a for shippin' and not for home use. I was callin' 'me a_Yankee broom, and what not. all struck up of a heap, when I seed the But it ain't all jist gospel that he says. last lot I got from the States; I was prop• ;Now I'll put a clock on him afore he knows e~ly bit by them, you may depend-they it; I'll go right ibto him as slick as a whis- didn't pay cost; for I couldn't recom• tie; and play him to the eend of my line mend them with a clear conscience, and like a trout. I'll have a hook in his gills, I must say I do like a fair deal, for I'm while he's a thinkin' he's only smellin' at straight up and down, and love to go the bait. There he is now, I'll be darned right ahead that's a fact. Did you ever if he ain't, standin' afore his shop door, see them I fetched when I first came, lookin' as strong as high proof Jamaiky; them I sold over the Bay?" I guess I'll whip out the bung while he's "No," said Mr. Allen "I can't say I a lookin' arter the spicket,.. and p'r'aps did." , he'll be none 0' the wiser till he finds it !'Well,". continued he, "they were a out, neither." prune article, I tell yOU-110 mistake , "Well, 'Squire, how do you do," said there-fit for any market; it's generally he; "how's all at home?". allowed there ain't the beat of them to ., Reasonable well, I give you thanks, be found anywhere. If you want a clock, won't you alight?" and can lay your hands on one of them, "Can't to-day," said Mr. Slick, "I'm I advise you not to let ~o the chance; in a considerable of a hurry to ketch the you'll know 'em by the' Lowell' mark, packet; have you any commands for for they were all made at Judge BeIer's Sou'west? I'm goin' to the Island, and factory. 'Squire Shepody, down to Five across the Bay to Windsor. - .Any word Islands, axed me to get him one, and :a. that wav?" special job I had of it, near about more "No,'; says Mr. Allen, "none that I sareh arter it than it was worth; butT can think on, unless it be to inquire how did get him one and a particular hand• butter's goin"; they tell' me cheese is sum one it is, copal'd and gilt superior. down, and produce of all kind particular I guess it's worth ary half-dozen in these dull this fall." parts, let t'others he where they may. " Well, I'm glad I can tell you that ques- If I could a got auppJ jed with the like 0' tion," said Slick, "for I don't calculate them, I could a made a grand spec out of to return to these parts; butter is risin' them, for they took at once, and went off a cent or two; I put mine off mind at ten- quick." pence." "Have you got it with you?" "said Mr. "Don't return! ·possible? why, how Allen, ,. I should like to see it." you talk. Have you done with the clock "Yes, I have it here, all done up in trade?" tow, as snug as a bird's egg, to keep it "I guess I have; it ain't worth follerin' from jarrin', for it hurts 'em consumedly now." to jolt 'em over them 'ere etarnal wooden " 'Most time," said the other, laughing. bridg-es. But it's no use to take it out, H for hy all accounts the clocks warn'f it ain't for sale; its bespoke, and I worth havin', and most infarnal dear too; wouldn't take the same trouble to get folks begin to get their eyes open." another for twenty dollars. The only "It warn't needed in your case," said one that I know of that there's any Mr. Slick. with that peculiarly composed chance of gettin", is one that Increase manner that indicates suppressed feeling, Crane has up to Wilmot they say be's aa• "for you were alwavs wide awake: if all sellin' off." the folks had cut their eye teeth as airly After a. gend deal of persuasion, Mr. as vou did, there'd be pl:Wuy few clocks SUck unnacked the clock, but protest.ed 801d in these parts, I reckon; but you are Iagai.nfithis asking for it, for it was not right. 'Squire, you may say tl~at, they for sale. ~t was then ~xhibited, every actually were not worth havin' , and part explained and prw18d, a& Jlew Ul . - -,' Digitized by Coogle THE CLOCKMAKER. 79

invention and perfeot in workmanship. somehalf-dozenpuss-proudfolks at lfali• _"NowMr. Allen had a very exalted opin• fax, who are jist as big noodles as they ion of 'Squire Shepody's taste, judgment, be themselves. You hear nothin' but and saving knowledge; and, as it was the politics, politics, politics; one everlastin' last and only chance of getting a clock of sound of give,give, give. If I was gov• such superior quality, he offered to take ernor I'd give 'em the butt-end of my it at the price the 'Squire was to have it, mind on the subject; I'd crack their at seven pounds ten shilljngs. But Mr. pates till 1let somelight in 'em, if it was Slick vowed he couldn't part with it at me, 1 know, I'd say to the members, no rate, he didn't know where he could don't come down here to Halifax with .~etthe like again (for he warn't quite your lockrums about polij;ics making a. sure about, Increase Crane's)l and the great touse about nothin'; but open 'Squirewould be confoundeddlsappoint• the country, foster agrlcultur', encour• ed; he couldn't think of it. In propor• age trade incorporate companies, make tion to the difficulties,.rose the ardor of bridges, facilitate conveyance,aridabove Mr. Allen; his offers advancedto £8, to all things makea railroad from Windllor £8 lOs" to £9. to Halifax; and mind what I tell you "I vow," said Mr. Slick, "I wish I now,-write it·down for fear you should hadn'f let 011 that I had it at all. I don't forget it, for it's a fact; and if you don't _ like to refuse you, but where am I to get believeme, I'll lick you till you do, for' the like?" After much discussion Of a there ain't a word of a lie in it, by gum,• similar nature, he consentedto part with One such work 3s the Windsor Bridge i3 the clock, though 'with great apparent worth all your laws, votes, speeches, and reluctance,and pocketedthe money with resolutions for the last ten years, if tied up a protest that, cost what it would, he and put into a meal-bag together. If tt should have to procure another, for he ain't, I hope I may be shot J" eouldn'f think of putting' the 'Squire's pipe out arter that fashion, for he was.q. ver!,cleverman, and as fair as a. bootjac](. , Now," said Mr. Slick, as we pro• CHAPTER XXXIL ceeded on our way, "that' ere feller is properlysarved; he got the most inferior TOO MANYIRONSIN THE FIRE. article Lhad, and I jIst doubled the price on him. It's a pity he shouldbe a tellin' WE had a 'pleasant sail of.three hours of lies of the Yankees all the time; this from Parrsborro' to Windsor. The arri• will help him now to a little grain of valsanddeparturesbywater areregulated truth." Then mimicking his voice and at this placebythe tide, and it was sunset manner, he repeated Allen's words with before we reached Mrs. Wilcox"&comfor• a strong nasal twang, '" Most time for table inn. Here, as at other places,Mr. you to Igiveoverthe clock trade, I guess, Slickseemedto be perfectlyat home;and for by all .accounts they ain't worth he pointed to a woodenclock...as a nroof bavin', and most infarnal dear too; folks of his successfuland extendedtrade~and beginto get their eyes open.' Better for of the universal influenceof "80fb saw• you if you'd a had your'n open,I reckol1j del'," and a knowledge of "h,uman a joke is a joke, but I consait you'll find natur'." Taking out a pen-knife,he cut that no joke. The next time you tell off a splinter from a stick of firewood, stories about Yankee peddlers, put the and balancing himselfon one leg of his woodenclockin with the woodenpunkin chair, by the aid of his right foot, com• seeds,and hickoryhams, will you? The menced his favorite amusementof whit• Bluenoses,'Squire, are all like Zeb Allen; tling, which he generallypursued in si• they think they know everything, but lence. Indeed,it appearedtohavebecome ther get gulledfrom year's eend to year's withhimanindispensableaccompaniment eend. They expecttoo muchfromothers, of reflection. and do too little for themselves. They He sat in this abstracted manner until actilly expect the sun to shine, and the he had manufactured into delicate shav• rain to fall, through their little House of ings the wholeof his raw material,when AssembJy. ' What haveyoudonefor us?' he very deliberately resumed a position they keep axin' their members. 'Who of moreease and security, by resting his did you spunk up to last session?' .iiI't as chair on two legs instead of one,and PlU• if all leiK'slationconsisted ill att.ackn' ting"both his feet on the mantel-piece.

Digitized by Google 80 SAM SLICK,

Then, lighting his cigar, he said in his he sot up for an assemblyman, and usual quiet mannerv-- opened a store, and things went agin him "There's a plaguy sight of truth in somehow; he had no luck arterwards. I them 'ere old proverbs. They are dis- hear his place is mortgaged, and they've tilled facts steamed down to an essence. got him cited in chancery.' '" The black They are like portable soup, an amazin' knob" is on him,' said I. 'The black deal of matter in a small compass. They what, sir?' says Bluenose. 'Nothill',' are what I vally most, - experience. says I. 'But the next, who improves Father used to say, I'd as lieves have an that bouse?" 'Why, that's E. F.'s.; be old -hom spun, self-taught doctor as ary a was the greatest farmer in these parts, professu: 111 the, college at Philadelphia another of the aristocracy; had a most or New York to attend me; for what they noble stock 0' cattle" and the matter of do know, they know by experience, and some hundreds out in j'int notes. Well, not by books; and experience is every- he took the contract for beef with the thing; it's hearin', and seein', and tryin"; troops; and he fell astarn, so I guess it's and arter that, a feller must be a born a gone goose with him. He's heavy mort• fool if he den'f know. That's a beauty of gaged.' '" Too many irons" ag'in,' said old proverbs; they are as ~'ue as a plumb I. ' Who lives to the left there? that man line, and as short and sweet as sugar has a most special fine interval, and a candy. Now when you come to see all grand orchard too; he must be a good about this country you'll find the truth of mark, that.' 'Well he was once, sir, a . that ere o11e-' A man tltat has too mctny few years ago; but he built a fullin' mill: irons in the fire is pla(JltY apt to (Jet some and a cardin' mill, and put up a lumber on 'em burnt.' establishment, and speculated in the West "Do you recollect that 'ere tree r Indy line; but the dam was carried away showed you to ParrsboroP It was all by the freshets, the lumber fell, and faith covered with black knobs, like a wart he fell too; he's .shot up, he haint been rubbed with caustic. Well, the plum-trees seed these two' years; his farm is a com• had the same disease a few yea.rs ago, and mon, and fairly run out.' 'Oh,' said I, they all died, and the cherry-trees I con- 'I uuderstand now, my man; these folks sait will go for it too. The farms here had too many irons in the fire, you see, are all covered with the same 'black and some on 'em have got burnt.' , I knobs;' and they do look like Old Scratch. never heerd tell of. it,' says Bluenose; If you see a place all gone to wrack and 'they might, but not to my knowledge;' ruin, it's mortgaged you may depend. and he scratched his head, and looked as The' black knob 1 if!on it. My plan, rou if he would ask the mean in' of it, but know, is to ax leave to put a clock III a didn't like to. Arter that I axed no more house, and let it be till I return. I never questions; I knew a mortgaged farm as far say a word ahout se11i11' it, for I know as I could see it. There was a strong when I come back, they won't let it go family likeness in 'em all-the same ugly arter they are once used to it. Well, when features, the same cast 0' countenance. I first came, I knowed no one, and I was The black knob was discernible, there forced to inquire whether a man was I was no mistake: barn doors broken off, good for it, afore I left it with him; so I I fences burnt up, glass out of windows; made a pint of ax in' all about everyman's more white crops than green, and both place tliat lived on the road. 'Who lives lookin' weedy; no wood pile, no sarce gar• up there in the big house?' says I; 'it's a (len, no compost, no stock; moss in the nice location that, pretty considerable im mowin' lands, thistles in the ploughed provements, them.' 'Why,' sir, that'!' lands, and neglect evel'lwhere; skhinin' A. B.'s; he was well to do in the world had commenced-takin' all out and put• once, carried a stiff upper lip, and keered tin' nothin' in-gittin' read:- for a move, for no one; he was one of our grand aris- RO as to leave notldn' behind. Flittin' time tocrats,-wore a long-tailed coat, and a had some. Foregatherin', for foreclosin'. ruffled shirt; but he must take to ship Preparin' to curse and quit. That beau• buildin', and has gone to the dogs.' '0.' tiful river we came up to-day what super• said I. ' too many irons in the fire. Well, fine farms it has on both sides of it, hain't the next farm, where the pigs are in the it? it's a sight to behold. Our folks potato field, whose is that?' '0, sir, have no notion of such a country so far th~lt's C. D.'s; he was a. ~onsiderable fore-I (~own Ea.s.t,.beyond creation most, as handed farmer, as any 10 our place, but iii ova Scotia IS. If I was to draw up ID

Digitized by Google ------THE CLOCKMAKER. 81 account of it for the' Slickville Gazette,' down the St. John River. It was the fore I guess few would accept it as a bona fide part of March; I'd been up to Frederickton draft, without some 'sponsible man to a speculatin' in a small matter of lumber, indorse it, that warn'f given to flammin', and was returnin' to the city, a gallopin' They'd say there was a laud speculation along 011 one of old Buntin's horses; 011 to the bottom of it, or a water privilege the ice, and all at once I missed my horse: ·to put into the market, or a plaister rock he went right slap in and slid under' the to get off, or some such scheme. They ice out of sight as quick as wink, and there would 1snore. But I hope I may never I was a standin' all alone. Well, says I, see daylight ag'in, if there's sich a coun• what the dogs has become of my horse try in all our great nation, as the vi-cinity and portmantle P they have given me a of Windsor. proper dodge, that's a fact. That is a " Now it"'sjist as like as not, some goney narrer squeak, it fairly bangs all. Well, I of a Bluenose, that seed us from his fields, guess he'll feel neal' about as ugly, when sailin' up full split,with a fair wind on the he finds himself brought up all standin' packet, went right off home and said to his that way j and it will come so sudden on ~ife, ' Now do for gracious' sake! mother, him, he'll say, Why, it ain't possible I've J1St look here, and see how slick them lost farm and vessel both, in tu tu's, that folks go along; and that captain has noth• way, but I don't see neither on 'em. in' to do all day, but sit straddle legs across Eastport is near about all made up of folks his tiller, and order about his sailors, or who have had to cut and run for it. talk like a gentleman to his passengers: "I was down there last fall, and who be's got 'most as easy a time of it as Ami should I see but Thomas Rigby, of Wind• Cuttle has, since he took up the fur trade, sor. He knew me the miuit he laid eyes a suarin' rabbits. Iguess I'll buy a vessel~ upon me, for I had sold him a clock tho and leave the lads tl) do the ploughin' ana summer afore. (I got paid for it though, little chores; they've growed up now to for I seed he had too many irons in the fire be considerable lumps of boys.' Well, not to get some ..n 'em burnt; and besides, away he'll go, hot foot (for I know the I knew every fall and spring the wind set critters better 1101'.they know themselves}, in for the lines from Windsor very stron-r and he'11go and buy some old wrack of a -a regular trade-wind-a sort of rnon• vessel, to carry plaister, and mortgage his shune, that blows all one way for a 1011~ farm to pay for her. The vessel will jam time without shittini.) . Well, I felt proper him up tight for repairs and new riggin', sorry f~r him, for he was a very clever man, and the sheriff will soon pay him a visit and looked cut up dreadfully, and amazin' (and he's a most particular troublesome down in the mouth. 'Why,' says I, 'pos• visitor that; if he once only gets a slight sible? is that you l\fr. Righy? why as I am how-d'ye-do acquaintance, he becomes so alive'! if that ain't myoid friend-why how amazin' intimate arterwards, a comin'in do you?' 'Hearty, I thank you,' said he, without knockin', and a runnin' in and out how be you?' 'Reasonable well, I r·ive at all hours, and makin' so plaguy free and you thanks,' says I; 'hut what on airth easy, it's about as much as a bargain if you brought you here?' 'Wby,' Rayshe, 'Mr. ean got clear of him arterwards}, Benipt Slick, I couldn't wen avoid it; times are by the tide, and benipt by the sheriff, the uncommon dull over the Bay; there's vessel makes short work with him. Wel1, nothin' stirrin' there this year. and n£'V(,1' the. up-shot is, the farm gets nezlected will I'm thinkin'. 1fo mortal soul can live in while Captain Cuddy is to sea a dr~gin' of Nova Scotia. I do believe that our oountvv plaister, The thistles run over his grain was mane of a Saturday night, arter all the fields, his cattle run over his hay land, the rest of the univarse was flnishen. Ono interest runs over its time, the mortgage half of it has g'ot all the ballast of Noah'» runs over all, and at last he jist runs ark thrown out there; and the other half over to the lill~s to Eastport, himself: is eat up hy bankers, lawyers, and other And when he finds himself there, a staudin' great folks. All our money 1!oes to pnv in the street, near Major Pine's tavern, salaries. and a poor man has no chance at with his .hands in his trouser pockets, a all.' 'Well.' says I, 'are you done un chasin' of a stray shillin' from one eend of stock and flnke-a total wrack?" 'No.' 'em to another, afore he can catch it, to says he, 'I have two hundred pounds left swap for a dinner, won't he look like a ra• yet to the g-ooff, but my farm, stock, and vin' distracted fool, that's all? He'll feel utensils. them young blood horses, and the about• as streaked as l did once, a ridin' bran new vessel I was a build in' , are all Digitized by Coogle 82 SAM SLJCK, gone to pot,-swept as clean as a thrashin' da.iry help; well, we had a wicked devil of floor, that's a fact; Shark and Co. took all. a cow, and she kicked over the milk pail, 'Well,' says I, ' do you know the reason and-In ran Dora, and swore the Bogle did of all that misfortin'?' 'Oh,' says he, it. Jist so poor Rigby, he wouldn't allow 'any fool can tell that-bad times to be it was nateral causes, but-laid it all to pol• sure; everything has turned agin the itics. Talkin' of Dora puts me in mind of country; the banks have it all theu; own the gals, for she warn'f a bad-Iookin' way, and much good may it do 'em.' heifer, that. My! what an eye she had, and 'Well,' says I, 'what's the reason the I consaited she had a particular small foot banks don't eat us up too, for I guess they and ankle too, when I helped her up once are as hungry as your'n be, and no way into the haymow, to sarch for eggs; but I particular about their food neither; con• cal\.'t exactly say, for when she bronght siderable sharp set-cut like razors, you 'em in, mother shook her head, and said it may depend .. I'll tell you,' says I, 'how was dangerous; she said she might faU you got that 'ere slide, that sent you heels through and hurt herself, and always sent over head-You had too many 'irons in the old Snow arterwards. She was a consid• fire. You hadn't ouzht to have taken hold erable of a longheaded woman, was moth• of ship buildin' at ali; you knowed nothin' er; she could see as fali ahead as most about it. You should have stuck to your folks. She warn't born ~esterday, I guess. farm, and your farm would have stuck to But that 'ere proverb IS true as respects you. Now go back, afore you spend your the. gals too. Whenever you see one on money go up to Douglas, and you'11 buy 'em with a whole lot of sweethearts, it's as good a farm for two hundred pounds an even chance if she gets married to any as what you lost, and see to that, and to on 'em. One cools off, and another cools that only, and you'll grow rich. As for off, and before she brings any 011eon 'em banks, they can't hurt a country no great, to the right weldin' heat, the coal is gone, I guess, except by breakin,' and I consait and the fire is out. Then she may blow there's no fear of your'n breakin '; and as and blow till she's tired; she may blow up for lawyers, and them kind 0' heavy a dust, but the deuce of a flame can she coaches, give 'em half the road, and if they blow up ag'in to save her soul alive. I run agin you, take the law of 'em. Un• never see a clever lookin' gal in danger of divided, unremitting attention paid to one that, I don't long to whisper in her ear, thing, in ninetYJUine caseg out of a lnmdred You deal' little critter, you, take care! you will insure success; but you know the old have too many irons in thejire; some on 'em sayin' about" too many irons." , will get stone cold, and t' other ones will get '" Now,' saysI, 'Mr. Rigby, what o'clock burnt 80, they'll never he no good in natuse:" is it? ' 'Why,' says he, 'the moon is up a piece, I guess it's seven o'clock or there• abouts. I suppose it's time to be a movin'.' 'Stop,' says I, 'jist come with CHAPTER XXXIII. me; I got a rael nateral curiosity to show you-such a thing .as you never laid your WINDSOR AND THE FAR WEST. eyes on in Nova Scotia, I know.' So we walked along-towards the beach. 'Now,' The next morning the clockmaker pro• says I, 'look at that 'ere man, old Lunar, posed to take a drive round the neighbor• and his son, a sawin' plank by moonlight, hood. "You hadn't ought," says he, "to for that 'ere vessel on the stocks there; be in a hurry; you should see the vicinitx come ag'in to-morrow mornin' afore you of this location: there ain't the beat of It can cleverly discarn objects the matter of to be found anywhere." :>-.- a yard or so afore you, and you'll find 'em' While the servants were harnessing u.mean of Halirax," ,~aid I; " St. he was a little grain posed. for back he John IS m the other province. went, and bought to Sowack. where I hear "I mean what I say," he r.eplied, " a.I_ld he has a better farm than he had afore. it is a credit to New Brunswick. No, Sir, If I mind once we had an Irish gal as a the Halifax folks neither knew: nor keel'

Digitized by Google THE CLOCKMAKEIt. much about the country; they wouldn't and letlherjlie there'awhne~'and the WOnJUI take hold on it, and if they had a waited will riddle her bottom all full of holes like for them, it would have ·beenone while a tin cullender, or a board with a grist of afore they got a bridge; I tell you. They've duck-shot through it; you wouldn't believe no spirit, and plaguy Iittle sympathy with what a bore they be. Well that's jist the the country, and I'll tell you the reason on case with the Western climate. The heat it. There are a good many people there takes the solder out of the knees and el• from other parts, and always have been, bows, weakens the joints, and makes the - who come to make money and nothin' else, frame ricketty. who don't call it home, and don't feel to "Besides, we like the smell of the salt homo, and whc intend to up killoch and all water; it seems kinder nateral to us New as soon as they have made their ned outof Englanders. We can make more a plough• thtl Bluenoses. They have got about as in' of the seas, than ploughin' of a prayer much regard for the country as a peddler -eye, It would take a bottom near about has, who trudges along with a pack on his as long as Connecticut River, to raise back. He walks, 'cause he intends to ride wheat enoug11to buy the cargo of a Nan• at last; trusts, 'cause he intends to sue at tucket whaler, or a Salem tea ship. And last; smiles, 'cause he intends to cheat at then to leave one's folks, and native place, last; ssees all, cause he intends to move all where one was raised, halter broke, and at last. It's actilly overrun with transient trained to go in gear, and excban~e all the paupel:s, •and transient speculators]. and comforts of the Old States for tnem 'ere these last grumble and growilike a bear new ones, don't seem to go down well at with a sore head, the whole blessed time, all. Why, the very sight of the Yankee at everything; and can hardly keep a civil gals is good for sore eyes, the dear little tongue in their head, while they're fobbin' critters! they do look so scrumptious, I, your money hand over hand. These crit• tell you, with their cheeks bloomin' like a ters feel no interest in anything out cent. red rose budded on a white one" and their per cent.; they deaden public spirit; they eyes like Mrs. Adams's diamonds (that bain't got none themselves, and they lad folks say shine as well in the dark as in at it in others; and when you add their the ligh't), neck like a swan, lips chock numbers to the timid ones, the stingy ones, full of kisses-lick I it fairlytmakes one's the ignorant ones, and the poor ones, that mouth water to think on 'em. But it's no are to be found in every place, why, the use talkrn", they are just made critters, few smart-spirited ones that's left are too that's a fact, full of health and life, and few to do anything, and 80 nothin' is dono. beauty. Now, to change them 'ere splen• It appears t~ me if I was a Bluenose I'd• did white water-lilies of Connecticut and but thank fortin' I ain't, so I says nothin"; Rhode Island for the yaUer crocusses of but there is somethin' that ain't altogether Illanoy is what we don't like. It goes jist right in this country, that's a fact. most confouncledly agin the grain, I tell "But what a country this Bay country you. Poor critters, when they get away is, isn't it 1» Look at that medder; bean't back there, they grow as thin as a sawed it lovely? The prayer eyes of Illanoy are lath; their little peepers a'e as dull as a the top of the ladder with us, but these boiled cod-fish; their skin looks like yal• dykes take the shine off them by a long ler fever, and they seem all mouth like a chalk, that's sartin. The land in our Far crocodile. .And that's not the worst of it, West, it is generally allowed, can't be no neither; for when a woman hegins to grow better; wh-it you plant is sure to grow and saller it's all over with her; she's up a tree yield well, and f,h)!l is Sf) cheap, you can then, you may depend, there's no mistake. live for half nuthin'. But it don"] agree You can no more bring back her bloom with us N,nv Enzlan.l folks: we don't enjoy than you can the color to a leaf the frost go.id hevlth there ; and wh-it in the world has touched in the fall. It's a gone goose is the U89 of food, if yon have such an with her, that's a fact. And that's not all, etnrnal clYilPCPSY you can't di-rest it? A for the temper is plaguy apt to change m m call har.Ily Iive there till next grass, with the cheek too. When the freshness afore he is in the valler leaf. Just like of youth is on the move, the sweetness of one of our bran new' vessels built down in temper is amazln' apt to start along with Maine. of best Irtckm-rtaek, or what's bet• it. A bilious cheek and a sour temper are tel" still, of our rael American live oak (and like the Siamese twins, there's a nateral that's allowed to be about the best in the cord of union atween them. The one is world); send her off' to t)le West Indies, a signboard, with the name of the UQit

Digitized by Google \ :SAM SLICK, written on it in big letters. He that don't if we had it, we would make another know this, can't read, I guess. It's no use guess place of it from what it is. In one to Cl'Y over spilt milk, we all know, but it's year we 'would have a railroad to Halifax, easier said than done, that. 'tVomeukind, uihich, unlike the stone that killed two bi'rds, and especially single folks, will take on would be the makin' oj both places. I often dreadful at the fadin' of their roses, and tell the folks this, but all they can say is, their~frettin' only seems to make the thorns •0 we are too poor and too young:' Says look sharper. Our minister used to say I, 'You put me in mind of a great long to sister Sall (and when she was young legged, long tail colt father had. He nev• she was a rael witch, a most an everlastin' er changed. his name of colt as long as he sweet girl), 'Sally,' he used to say,; now's lived, and he was as old as the hills; and the time to lam, when you are young; store though he had the best of feed, was as your mind well, dear, and the fragrance thin as a wbippin' post. He was colt all will remain long arter the rose has shed his days-always young-always poor: its leaves. The otter of roses 'is stronger and young and poor you'll be I guess to than the rose, ana a plaguy sight more the eelltl' of the chapter.' " . valuable.' Sall wrote it down; she said On our return to the inn, the weather, it warn't a bad idee, that: but father which had been threatening for some laded; he said he guessed minister's.court• time past, became very tempestuous. It in' days warn't over, when he made such rained for three successive days, and the pretty speeches as that 'ere to the gals. roads were almost impassable. To con• Now, who would ~o to expose his wife, or tinue my jonrney was wholly out of the his darters, or himself, to the dangers of question. I determined, therefore, to such a climate, for the sake of thirty bush• take a seat in the coach for Halifax, and els of wheat to the acre instead of fifteen? defer until next year the remaining part of There seems a kinder somethin' in us that my tour. Mr. Slick agreed to meet me here rises in our' throat when we think 011 it, in June, and to provide for me thesame and won't let us. We don't like it. Give conveyance I had used from Amherst. me the shore, and let them that like the I 'ouk forward with much pleasure to our Far West go there, I say. meeting again. His manner and idiom ••This place is as fertile as-Illanoy or were to me perfectly new, and very amus• Ohio, as healthy as any part of the globe, ing; while his good sound sense, search• and right alongside of the salt water; but ing observation, and queer humor, ren• the folks want three things-Inaustry, dered his. conversation at once valuable Enterprise, Economu. These Bluenoses and interesting. There are ~ny subjects do.n't know how to vally this location: on which I should like to draw him out; only look at it, and see what a place for aud 1 promised myself a fund of amuse• bisness it is: the centre of the province; ment in his remarks on the state of society the nateral capital of the Basin of Mines, and manuel'S at Halifax, and the rna• and part of the Bay of Fundy; the great chinervof the local government, on both thoroughfare'to St. John, Canada, and the of which he appears to entertain many• United States; the exports of lime, gyP" orisrinal and some very just opinions. sum, freestone, ans grindstone; the dykes As he took leave of me in the coach he -hut it's no use talkin': I wish' we had it. whispered, "Inside of your great big .~ that's all. OUI' folks are like a rock-ma• cloak you will find wrapped up a box. ple tree: stick 'em in anywhere but cend containin' a thousand rae 1 genuine first up and top down, and they will take root chop Havanaa=-no mistake-the clear and grow: hut put 'em in a rael good thing. When you smoke "em, think soil like this, and trive 'em a fair chance, sometimes of your old companion, S.A.M: and they will go ahead and thrive right SLICK, THE CLOCKMAKER." off, most amaziu' fast, that's a fact. Yes,

Digitized by.Goog le ._ .__ -.------1

'Southey, Life of. . lly DOWDEN,inEngllsh lIen oCLetters Series, paper, 10". Spencer, Herbert: Select Works. Including The Data.of Ethics, Progress, Its Laws, and Other Essays; 8vo,cloth, 7oc. Postage 12c. "I have dealt with you at times ever since you started. the literary Revolution, .g,nd have always found you true to your promises. It is a wonder how you can afford such well gotten-up books for the prices asked, which enables many to buy good books who would. otherwise go hungry or feed on trash. "-A. G.HOLLISTER,MountLebanon,N. Y. -On Education. Elzevir Edition, 270 pages, Bourgeois type leaded, cloth, red edges, 40e. Postage 5c. This work has served as a chief corner-stone upon which the educational Iiterature of the world has been built within the past forty years, and has been a vital force in • moulding: the lives und shaping the methods of thousands of our chief educators, and • through them has powerfully influenced the character of millions of the best cul• tured of the human race, It is a work which is worthy to be rea-Lund read again, by every teacher, and every parent. Of all deep thinkers, there are none who excel SPENCERin clearness, strength, and beauty of diction-vit -is an intellectual delight to follow his reasoning, even when one is not ready, always, to agree with his conclusions. Some chapters of tho above work, also other essays, are published separately: •. Philosophy of Style; paper, Be. I Intellectual Education; paper,4c. The Coming Slavery; paper.2e. _Moral Education, paper. 4c. What Knowledge is of l\Iost Worth; paper,4c. Physical Education; paptll',4c. Stephens, Alex. H., Life of. By FlUNKH. NORTON;twoillustrations, Elzevir Edition, 94 pages; paper, Be.; cloth, 20tl. Postage Sc. "Mr. Norton has told the story cleverly, and it is an intensely interesting one. I MI'. Stephens was one of the most remarkable men our country has produced, and his biog• rapher has accumulated many incidents and anecdotes which are new."-The Star, New York. "Every Southern man should find a peculiar delight in the Life and times of thiM great statesman."-Democrat, Russellville, Ark. ' "Mr. Norton tells the romantic story of the great Southerner's life. It is an interl;'s~ ing story and Mr. Norton tells it well."-Daily Times, Brooklyn, N. Y. Stevenson: Prince Otto, a Romance. By ROBERTLOUIS S'l'EVENSON,Inlarge type, unabridged; paper covers, oc.;cloth, loe. Postage se. Judging by the test of the enormous sale of their books, Stevenson and Haggard are the most popular of living novelists. This story is considered one of Stevenson's best. The price is only half what is charged for it in the cheapest rival edition, though this is much superior in form and quality. St. Pierre: Paul and Virginia. From the French of Bernardin St. Pierre. by HELEN)OlARtA WILLI..uIS;JdealF..ditio!1.Brevier type. paper, 7e.; fine cloth, ornamented, 2.ic. l)ust.a~e 3c. A pretty edition of this famous and pathetic little storv, which, for its beauty and aialplicity, is jUliitly clUS8PU with Goldsuu th's Vicar of WlI.k~fidu anuQl..$~Rwu.ulu. •• Digitized by'\3u,-, OI-C-

...... 10.'·", -: '" .. Svvjft, Dean: Battle of the Books. 1::Zl'\"1!'Edition, Brevier type, paper covers, 20. Gu;li ver s ).'a·avels,and Baron Munchausen, ill one volume, cloth, 40c. Postage Be• •. The Elzevir Library cannot be too warmly comm~nded."-Textile J!o~itor, Phila• delphia, Pa. I. One of'the happiest literary ideas of the century."-The News, La Rue, Ohio. Synonyms, Book .01'. - Tile Right \Vord in the Uigllt Place. l6mo, cloth, 80c. Postage &0. This, for popular use is in more desirable form than the celebrated Roget's Thesaurus. Its cost is but a trifle. It is a book that everyone who writes-even letters to friends• finds- greatly helpful in choosing words.

Taine's HIS~~RY English Literature. Large 12Ulo,Brevler type, unabridged; cloth, 60c.· Postage 12c. Remarkably cheap as this edition is, it is unabridged, and printed in good Brevier type. The 'work is so famous that any description of it is unnecessary-so famous, indeed, t hnt it has come to qe almost a shame for anyone professing acquaintance with. or love of, English literature, not to have read it. or not to own it. Tasso, To-rquato: Jerusalem Delivered. 'I'ranslated into English Spencerian verse by J. H. WSIFFEN; 493 pages, Brevler type, Acme Edit.io., cloth, 2lJc. Postage 7c. This famous classic, by one 'of the greatest poets of Italy. is here presented in attrac• the form at a price that makes possible its presence in every home library. The celebrated Lamartine thus speaks of itt! authorship :-" pr~ by piety no less than by the muse, Tasso dreamed of a crusade of poetic genius, aspiring to equal by the l,;"loryand sanctity of his songs, the crusaders of the lance he was about to celebrate. 'Phe names of all the noble and sovereign families of the West would be revived in this epic catalogue of their exploits, and would attract to the author the recognition and favor of the great. Finally, the poet himself was a knight; noble blood flowed in his veins j to celebrate warlike deeds seemed, as it were, to be associating his name with those of the heroes who performed them on the field of battle: thus religion, chivalry, poetry, the glory of Ileaven and earth, the hope of eternal fame, all combined to urge him to the undertaking." 'l'aylor: Health by Exercise.. By GEO. H. TAYI.oI~, M.D. 12mo, Long Primer type, 40S pages, with numerous illuatrations, Cloth, $1'.00. Postage luc. . A book that both healthy people and invalids will profit in reading. It treats the question of exercise in its relation to health in a scientific yet popular manner. All recognize the value of exercise, but what exercise is appropriate to specific ailments is what few have knowledge of, and all may learn from Dr. Taylor's book. "I do not expect to turn every good-natured person who may do me the kindness to peruse these chapters into a good doctor. I shall be entirely satisfied can I but prevent A few hundred of my fellow men and women from making bad doctors 9/ themselves. I have not endeavored to shake my readers' faith in the wise. prudent, conscientious. and learned physician. Blessed, say I, is the man who has a good doctor,' but more blessed, he who can do without him. To enable my readers 80 to do hali been 111ya.iLU.;·' -From .Author',Pre/ace. Digitized by G998!~..

:_, .# ~ :_::" Taylor: Massage .. Processes of Manual Massage; Principles and Practice of Remedial Treatment by Imparted Motion. By 'lEO. H. TAYI.Oa,M.D. Cloth, rse: Po"tagc sc. Processes of Mecllanical Massage. and its adaptation to the cure of various Chronic Affections.. By Gzo, H. TAYLOR,M.D. Cloth,7oc. Postage 8c. Chapters 24 to 30 of I' Health by Exercise" give a short account of the processes known as "Manual Massage." These books are more extended expositions of both the manual and mechanical processes. The latter shows how to use common mechanical power. which is abundant and cheap, and everywhere attainable, to remedy the most difficult chronic diseases after other remedies have proved Insufficient, Its chapters describe the adaptation of this remedial agent to' Indigestion in its worst forms, including obstinate constipation; to nervous diseases, Neuralgia and Paralysis; to Rheumatism, and to joint atfections : to Diseases of the Kidneys; and the unrivaled remedial power it exercises in all forms of-enfeebled vitality, in persons of all ages .. The work is written ill plain language; though philosophical in thought, and is illus• trated with cuts, rendering its subject clear and practical. It is particularly commended to those who would know the causes of their ailments, whether trifling or grave, and the general philosophy of Hygiene. -.Health for Women. By GEO.H. TAYLOR.M.D. Elzevir Edition, 249pages, Brevier type, leaded, cloth, 7ott. Postage 50. " We cannot refrain from giving our testimony to the admirable eommon sense con• tained In Dr, Taylor's work."-Scribner'sltIorithly . •,If Dr. Taylor's work should find its way into every school and family, it probably would do more for the health of women and of the next. generation than any other similar measure that can be urged."-CATHERINE E. BEECHER. "I am free to confess that you have opened up a new and most important field of inquiry."-J. MARIONSIMS,1\-1.D., Founder of N. Y. State Hospital for Women. "In my judgment, you have gone to the bottom, and all advanced thinkers and practitioners, in the matter of giving health to those who have it not, must build• would they succeed-on your foundation."-JAMEs C. JACKSON,M. D. •, The rapidity and certainty of cures that I have been knowing to while a patient in your establishment, lead me to desire that your principles and manner of treatment should be known of all women who are suffering in need of medical help. "-HA.RRIET BEECHERSTOWE. ,. I am grateful to you every day, for I cannot help contrasting my present strength with my former lack of strength."-EvA. LEEDS,Michiga,n City, Ind. -Paralysis. . Pa.ralysis and other Aifections of the Nerves; their enre by transmitted energy a.nd special movements. By GEO. H. TAYLOR,M.D. 12mo, Pica. type, 17'9pages, cloth, 'loco Postage 7c. "Diseases causing aberration and restriction of nervous power are apparently increas• ing in number and severity, while recoveries are not proportionately increasing. ThE' vital powers often suffer fatal exhaustion from misdirected and abortive efforts for re-. covery, The aim of treatment should be, not to produce a high degree of nerve stimu• lation, ending in wasted nervous energy, but to secure direct and permanent restorative effect without cost to vitality; In pursuing investigations to this end I have thoroughly tested and demonstrated the remarkable curative power of a hitherto neglected agency -Transmitted Energy, or FORCE. I have not desired to make an exhaustive treatise 011 the nervous system more curious than useful to the anxious invalid; but to ('0111- mend to his intelligence a thoroughly practical as well as philosophical method of rl;!- _~~~;~~!.n! l~iSwaning or lost powers."-From Author's Pref~gitized by Google

: c.~~.:.' "'~ •• Taylor: Pelvic Therapeutics. Principles and Methodsfm' Remedying Chronic Affections of the Lower Part of the Trunk, including Processes for Seif--Cure. By OEo,·H.TAYLOR, M.D. l~no, cloth, $1.00. Postage 19c. This book shows beyond dispute the causes of all grades of the diseases from which women suffer, often almost hopelessly; and it points out the way of curing themselves. Also, how they can be cured, even in extreme stages of prostration. It also directs methods of radical self-cure of Rupture.

H This work is especially devoted to the solution of pelvic and abdominal affections and their treatment; but it also contains a large amount of information on the various l)l'()CPSSPSfor the removal of diseases in, and the development of, other portions of the body and Hmbs."-Periscope and Clinical Review, St. Louis, 1\10. "A richly instructive work. The book contains many valuable practical suggestions and should be in the hands, of thousands of sufferers of both sexes, who are often atthe mercy of unscrupulous men.-·'Christian Cynosure, Chicago, Ill. . - "The volume i~an original and intelligent treatise on one of the' most important -parts of the human body, and imparts much valuable information as to bow it should be treated."-Chl'istian Advocate, Pittsburgh, Pa. " I have been practicing daily in the' movements' you prescribed for me, and there• sult is highly satisfactory. I abandoned my truss over a month ago, aqd have suffered no inconvenienee.Y-c'I'. J. WILLIAMS• .. In my mind the importance of these principles cannot be over-estimated, for I be• lieve that more valuable contributions to the €'tiology of jiterine displacements in the future will come from investigations in this direction than any other."-PRoF. T. GAIL• LARDTHOMAS,M.D., Prof. in Collegeof Phy.~iciansand Surgeons, Physician-inChief of WO?nen'~Hospital,etc. . ,; Dr. Taylor'S views are new, but must in time beadopted by the medical profession." -ROBERT S. NEWTON, M. D., Late President and Prof." of Surgery in N. Y. Ecletic Medical College. Thackeray, Wm. M.: Works of. 11volumes, small octavo, fine cloth, gilt tops, with over 200tull-page illustrations; volumes sold separ• ately. at 60c.,except those marked with an usterlx (*), which are sold with complete sets only. I::iheset of 11volumes, $6.00. Postage per volume: 1,jc. 1. *Vanity Fair. 6."Henry Esmond.Catherine,Denis 9. Roundabout Papers. Four 2. History of Pendennis, Duval, & Lovelthe Widower. Georges, etc. 3. *Tbe Newcomes. 7. Paris, Irish, and Eastern 10. Burlesque, Yellow-plush 4. The Virginians. Sketches. Papers, etc. II.*AdventureHof Philip, and a 8. Barrv Lyndon, Great Hoggarty 11. Christmas Books. Book of Shabby-Genteel:Story. Diamond. Snobs,and Ballads. This edition of Thackeray is THE BEST in the market at less than several times its price. It is NOT the common 12mo edition, but printed on large?'paper, giving wider margins-is uniform in general style with the superb editions of Ruskin and Carlyle, which have given such delight to book lovers. f'hackeray: In Half Morocco Binding . .K. new edition trom new Long Primer type with profuse illustrations printed on the text. Complete III 10volumes, large 12mo, half Morocco, Price, pel' set. $7.50. Postage $1.40. ReadySepiemberl. My editions of Guizot's France and of Irving's works bound in half Morocco have given such delight to tens of thousands of my patrons that I have decided to issue this edition of Thackeray in similar style. It is certain to please all ~~fiwsr~gle, ,_

. ~ ~ .; -' .... -',_. _. ~ Thompson, Judge: GreeIi Mountain Boys, Lllrge 12mo.Long Primm' type, cloth, 40e. "Postage Sc.

Thompsen: By-Ways AND Bird Notes. By MA.URICETHOMPSON. Ideal Edition, Long PI"iUleI'type, cloth, gilt top, 600. Postage Sc, " Mr. Maurice Thompson is never tired of studying and writing of the rich and ynl'it'lt beauties of our American woods and hills. Under the happy title of' By-Ways and Bird Notes,' several of his brightest and most delicately poetical papers have been col• lected in book form. Of all the writers who 1111.\'elatelypleased the readers of periodicn l literature with outdoor studies of the kind, none better .unites than Mr. Thompson tilt-' thorough acquaintance with Nature's ways and intimate sympathy in her moods with true literary art and feeling."-Chl'istian Union,N. Y. ".A delightful book from Maurice Thompson, in whom personally there is almost as much interest as in anything that he kas written, inasmuch as he is at ouce, scholar, soldier, sportsman, civil engineer, lawyer, geologist, politicjan, and we know not what more. His intercourse with the populace of the groves and forests, irrto which his duty . and recreation have taken him so much, has put him on excellent footing among the birds and established a relationship and understanding- which is breathed out in every

line of this refreshing volume."-Hel'ald, Syracuse, N. Y. I Thomson: Poetical Works. 12mo,Small Pica type, cloth, 30c.; cloth, gilt edges, 4()C. Postage 9c. Trench: On the Study of Words. Cloth, /JOe, Postage Sc. Also Vol. 1, SC:~-:;NCELIBRARY. Tyndall: Select Works. Forms of Water; Lessons in Electricity; Lectures on Light. in one volume, large Svo,Long Primer type, cloth, 60c. Postage 9c. . Vathek: By WID. Beckford. Ideal Edition, Small Pica type, paper covers 10c.,' cloth. 25c. Postage 5c " For correctness of costume, beauty of description, and power of imagination, this most Eastern and sublime tale surpasses all European imitatio... As an Eastern tale even Rasselas must bow before it; his Happy Valley wili not bare a comparison w·ith the Hall of Eblis,"-LoRD BYRON. . "Vathek, the finest of Oriental romances, as Lalla Rookh is the finest of Oriental poems." -CHRISTOPHERNORTH. Virgil: Poetical Works. Cloth, 350, Postage Se. Wagner, Richard, Life of. By BERTHA.THOMAS; paper,2e, See also Vol. 2, ELZEVIR CLASSICS. "Received sample volume of the New Irving and am more than delighted with the excellant get-up. Will complete the set as soon as I am able to rake up the small sum asked for it. "-R. L. LERCH,Oxford, Md, "The 12 books carne to hand in good condition, Each of the' Wonder-Boolis' is •• worth th; ~ost of the whole pack~ge."-WM. WAINWRIGHT,ifg~b~ogIe tC 11::-= • ._ • ..

~ ~_._t tt: .: ~.: _ : •• !