Getting To the Bottom of the Pool by Jerry James “Greek legend is hopelessly contradictory.” — Barbara Tuchman Homer’s Odyssey has been a cornerstone competition of a reality TV show that is more of the Western Canon for over 2,700 years. “The Widow” than “The Bachelorette.” And The epic has inspired such diverse works as a each suitor has had a similar premonition: masterpiece of literary modernism (Ulysses, Here comes Trouble. by James Joyce); a sword-and-sandals epic By coincidence, “Man of Trouble” is one (Ulysses, starring Kirk Douglas); and a of the translations of the name of Penelope’s Broadway musical (The Golden Apple, by husband, gone these twenty years. The name John Latouche and Jerome Moross). But “Odysseus” (which is never spoken in the never, not even in its gleeful retelling by the play) was given to the child by his grandfather Coen Brothers in O Brother, Where Art Thou? Autolycus, a master of thievery—just like has the Odyssey been so deconstructed as in Shakespeare, who stole that name for The Penelope, by Enda Walsh. Winter’s Tale. Beginning near the end of the tale, Walsh But how did we get here? Picking and re-imagines the suitors of Penelope at the choosing among the contradictory threads of bottom of a drained swimming pool painted Greek legend, we find it might be best to the color of the sea. He re-imagines them as begin with a woman. A woman, and a snub… aspirants in a swimsuit/talent show 1 Zeus, King of the Gods and his brother around the same time, Tyndareus could not be Poseidon, Lord of the Sea, were both sure which of her four children were his. enamored of the nymph Thetis. The two gods But we know that Helen’s father was learn of a prophecy that says Thetis will bear a Zeus. When Helen reached a marriageable son who will be greater than his father. age, every prince in Greece came seeking her (Indeed, Thetis will later give birth to hand, bearing lavish gifts. Tyndareus saw all Achilles, greatest of the Greek heroes.) too clearly what would happen: Whichever Greater than his father? None of that for us one was chosen to be Helen’s husband, the gods! Marry her off to a mortal right away in a others would go to war against that man—and big wedding! And invite everybody! against Tyndareus. Which they do, with one exception—Eris, And here we have the first appearance of the Goddess of Discord. Whether this is an Odysseus, King of Ithaca, who alone among oversight or a deliberate breach of etiquette, the suitors had brought no gift—because alone well, Greek legend is hopelessly among the suitors, he didn’t want to marry contradictory. Whatever the reason, it’s a bad Helen. He preferred her cousin Penelope. mistake, because Eris shows up anyway, Odysseus offered to show Tyndareus a way bearing her gift, a Golden Apple, which she out of this mess, if Tyndareus would secure tosses into the midst of the revelers. Penelope for him. The Apple of Discord is marked “To the Tyndareus called the suitors together and Fairest,” and three goddesses, Hera, Athena said he would honor his daughter’s choice, but and Aphrodite—Power, Brains and Beauty— first, all the suitors must swear an oath: all contest it. Zeus knows better than to judge Whomever Helen chose, the others must this contest, so the goddesses finally decide to swear to defend and protect that man against put it to an impartial juror, a shepherd named any wrong done him that concerned the Paris. marriage. And they so swore. This is the same Paris who was born a Helen picked Menelaus, Odysseus got prince of Troy, but whose parents set him out Penelope, and all might have been well. on a mountain to die, due to a prophecy that Unfortunately, Odysseus would soon find he he would be the cause of Troy’s destruction. had outsmarted himself. However, Paris was saved due to the Paris, restored as a prince of Troy, comes intervention of a kindly shepherd. (Greek to Sparta on a visit—Menelaus is now king— legend would be a lot less bloody if there were and when he leaves for Troy, Helen goes with fewer kindly shepherds: see Oedipus.) him. The Oath of Tyndareus is invoked, and Zeus lets Paris set the rules of the contest, the princes of Greece prepare for war. so his first rule is to see all the goddesses Odysseus, however, pretends to be insane, naked. And wouldn’t you know it, he still plowing his fields erratically and sowing them can’t choose a winner. with salt. (A prophecy foretold that if he goes The goddesses, figuring that all’s fair in to war, it will take him twenty years to get Golden Apples, immediately offer bribes. back.) But when his infant son Telemachus is Hera offers kingship over Europe and Asia. placed in front of his plow, Odysseus turns it Athena offers wisdom and skill in battle. away, proving his sanity. Outwitted for once, These are both pretty good offers, but he sails for Troy. Aphrodite has noted that what Paris really And there the Greeks will stay, through likes are naked women. Therefore, she offers “ten years of futile, indecisive, noble, mean, him the most beautiful woman in the world— tricky, bitter, jealous and only occasionally Helen of Sparta. Unfortunately, Aphrodite heroic battle.” (Tuchman) At last Athena, an fails to mention that Helen is already married. enemy of Troy ever since she lost the Golden Backstory: Sparta was ruled by King Apple, inspires Odysseus to devise the Trojan Tyndareus and his queen, Leda, with whom Horse. Zeus coupled, disguised as a swan. Because It’s here that Homer’s Odyssey begins, as Leda was also consorting with her husband at Odysseus loads ten ships with plunder and 2 sails for home. Ten years later, he will finally These will belong to Telemachus, when he get there, alone and in someone else’s ship. comes of age. But until Penelope chooses one Why does this happen? of them, the suitors, relying on the Greek rules Some say it’s because Odysseus failed to of hospitality, will spend their days in the make a sacrifice to Athena before leaving Great Hall of the palace—Walsh’s drained Troy; some, because of bad choices made by swimming pool—consuming as much of him later. Others pin the bad choices on his Telemachus’ patrimony in sheep, pigs, cattle crew. But virtually all of these reasons may be and wine as humanly possible. summed up in a line from the Kirk Douglas Eventually the suitors number more than a movie. “The gods are playful—and without hundred. To stall them, Penelope insists she mercy.” can’t make a choice until she’s woven a burial We all remember at least some of the shroud for Odysseus’ father, Laertes. But each events in the Odyssey: the Lotus Eaters, the night, she undoes the work she did that day. one-eyed Cyclops, the Sirens, and Circe, who This goes on for some time, until she’s turns men into swine. If we think very hard, betrayed by one of her maids. we might recall Aeolus, King of the Winds, It is now, as Telemachus nears twenty the cannibalistic Laestrygonians, the Cattle of with no sign of his father and with the suitors the Sun, or Calypso, upon whose island pushing hard, that Athena sees her Odysseus will eventually wash up. opportunity. In disguise, she visits But one action looms large: the blinding of Telemachus and urges him to go in search of the Cyclops. It was necessary for Odysseus to news of Odysseus, which he does. She doesn’t do this in order to save himself and his men. tell him she’s doing this because the suitors He would have done so even had he known plan to kill him. the Cyclops was the son of Poseidon. And With Poseidon conveniently off at a even for this, he might have been forgiven. ceremony in his honor in Ethiopia, Athena But in his anger, Odysseus had to brag about then asks her father Zeus to allow Odysseus to it: return home. “Cyclops, if any mortal human being asks Seven years is a long enough sentence for about the injury that blinded you, tell them hubris, Zeus decides, and orders his release. Odysseus destroyed your eye, a sacker of Calypso fits him out with food and a raft, and cities, Laertes’ son, a man from Ithaca.” homeward he sails. But on his way back from The Greeks had a word for this: hubris. And Ethiopia, Poseidon spots him. Figuring Zeus they didn’t like it. Public bragging of this sort has ordained that Odysseus shall not die, meant that the rest of the gods just might be Poseidon doesn’t kill him. But for old times willing to let Poseidon teach Odysseus a sake, he destroys his vessel. Odysseus is lesson. Which he did. washed up on the shores of Phaeacia. And so, ten years after Troy fell, we find The Phaecians, to his surprise, turn out to Odysseus, bereft of ships and crew, alone on be hospitable in the finest Greek tradition. Calypso’s island. Calypso wishes to make him Odysseus is clothed, fed, feted and taken back immortal, but he keeps refusing, wanting only to Ithaca in one of their ships. They leave him to return home to Ithaca and Penelope. asleep on the beach and depart.