Bridgewater Review

Volume 4 | Issue 2 Article 7

Sep-1986 Breaking Away: Preliminary Findings of a Study of First Generation College Students Howard London Bridgewater State College, [email protected]

Recommended Citation London, Howard (1986). Breaking Away: Preliminary Findings of a Study of First Generation College Students. Bridgewater Review, 4(2), 8-11. Available at: http://vc.bridgew.edu/br_rev/vol4/iss2/7

This item is available as part of Virtual Commons, the open-access institutional repository of Bridgewater State University, Bridgewater, Massachusetts. Breaking Away

Preliminary Findings of a Study of First Generation College Students

Howard B. London

everal years ago the film Break­ trains excruciatingly hard and at mov­ what he already has. Growth, in other ing Away was a box office suc­ ie's end he "breaks away" from the words, implies loss, as poignantly de­ Scess across America. On the sur­ pack of racers, and the locals triumph. picted in a scene where the hero and his face it was the story of "town-gown" It is not, however, simply the tale of father are seated in front ofthe universi­ frictions between the "cutters" of how some snobbish university stu­ ty's limestone library; it is night, and Bloomington, Indiana -- so called be­ dents were put in their place. Rather, behind them through the windows cause they were the children ofthe men the story within the story tells how the students can be seen walking the who mined the local limestone quarries adolescent hero struggles to find his stacks: -- and the ostensibly more sophisti­ place: whether and to what extent he cated but condescending students of should "break away" or separate from Father: I was one fine stone cutter. the University oflndiana. The competi­ family and friends whom he loves but Thing ofit was, I loved it! I was tion became centered on the annual whose world he finds narrow and con­ young and slim and strong. I campus bicycle race, the "cutters" for stricting. Propelled by a vague but was damn proud of my work. the first time entering a team of their powerful feeling of wanting more out And the buildings went up. own. The hero ofthe story, a "cutter," of life, he at the same time fears losing When they were finished, the

8 damndest thing happened. It recorded interviews I began to under­ was her mother. When Jane wanted to was like the buildings was too stand that the conflict, confusion, and go far away to college her father reared good for us. Nobody told us even anguish that some students felt in anxious defense, and for the first that, it just felt uncomfort­ was part of the breaking away process. time in jane's memory their relation­ able, that's all. Even now I like Furthermore, it became apparent that ship soured. Her father became silent, to be able to stroll through the this process was exacerbated by their sullen, brooding and angry, and re­ campus and look at the lime­ being upwardly mobile. These stu­ fused to let her go. For Jane, ofcourse, stone, but I just feel out of dents, after all, 'were not just leaving, this was agonizing, until her mother place. You guys still go swim­ but leaving for the middle class, a place stepped in. Until now the mother had ming in the quarry? no one in their families had ever before been sitting quietly on the sidelines, Son: Sure. been. To put their experiences into her usual family role, but the struggle Father: So the only thing you've got to context, let us briefly discuss in general between her husband and daughter show for my twenty years of terms the breaking away or separation provided her with a chance to be heard, work is the holes we left process, as it is called .in the social rescue Jane and get Jane out of the behind. sciences. house, all at the same time. The father Son: I don't mind. Late adolescence and early adult­ relented somewhat, and even gave Jane Father: I do! Cyril's dad says he took hood in our culture are times of in­ a credit card as a going away gift, to be the college exam. creased disengagement from parents. used especially, he said, if she wanted Son: We both took it. The young adult typically strives to to fly home. Father: How did "both of us" do? become more individuated and differ­ Once she left, however, the conflict Son: Well, I don't know... One of: entiated, that is, to acquire more inde­ was not over. Through the mail and us did OK, but neither of us... pendence and autonomy on various over the telephone wires, Jane endured Hell! I don't want to go to emotional, cognitive, and moral levels. an onslaught of paternal entreaties to college, Dad! The hell with Usually this is an erratic process, con­ return home in order to help out them, I'm proud of being a sisting of discontinuous episodes, re­ financially. For her part, Jane felt the cutter. versals, and periods of stalemate. "bad daughter," victimized by a "break­ Father: You're not a cutter. I'm a Though it begins in early childhood, away guilt" that, in her darkest hours, cutter. What are you, afraid? separation becomes more intense, made her feel that leaving was criminal. Son: Ya, a little bit. Then there's the speeding up, as it were, during this Yet she planned neither to atone by rest of the guys. stage of the life cycle. (Separation can, ruefully returning home nor to sever Father: Well, you took the exam. Did ofcourse, be "out ofphase," occurring ties with her father. Instead, she sought all right, didn't ya? prematurely, later in life, or perhaps ways (helping out over the summer and Son: Yes. never at all.) It is also fundamentally on vacations, for example), that did Father: Well, that's ... that's good. important to note that separation is a not require what would amount to a Well, your mom ... your mom two way street, parents having to "hold forfeiture of self. She was, of course, will be expecting us home. on" or "let go" as they move through under enormous pressures which she their own life cycles. Some parents, as feared had already interfered with her While the son feels like a "cutter," we all know, do more of one than the making the most of her college years. both he and his father want him to have other. Several students described parents and to be more. When asked by his As I stated earlier, individuation and who encouraged their separation be­ sensitive father ifsomething about go­ separation were at the heart of the cause they recognized, accepted and ing to college is frightening, he cites his drama of first generation students. even embraced its maturational value. friends -- his fears, really, of being Making use ofthe ideas ofthe psycho­ The parents still wanted things for and disloyal to "the guys" should he aim analyst Helm Stierlin, I began to see from their children and were able to for a different fate. these students in light of how the tell them so with clarity and concern, During the past several years I have family as a system negotiates their but did not try to impose some plan of tape recorded the life histories of fif­ separation. For example, Stierlin des­ their own regarding their children's teen students who, like the hero of the cribes how some parents are unable to lives. This is what distinguishes par­ movie, are the first in their families, tolerate much separation at all, and try ental aspiration for children from par­ and often among their friends, ever to to psychologically bind one or more of ental delegations (as Stierlin calls go to college. There is much talk in their children to them. When this them) to children. A delegation re­ these interviews, some of it rhapsodic happens to first generation students, quires that the adolescent become au­ of the joys of a college education, of the parents try to undermine, sabotage tonomous enough to go out into the scales wondrously falling from the or directly prohibit their college atten­ world, but with the purpose of fulfil­ eyes, and of the excitement of new dance. For example, one student, who I ling an important psychological "mis­ vistas and possibilities. But as Breaking will call Jane, described herself as a sion" for one or both parents. A Away suggests in both title and theme, parentified child, which in her family delegate demonstrates responsibility, there are great difficulties as well. As I meant that she was more the confidant, then, not by staying, but by leaving, yet listened and relistened to the tape comforter and helper to her father than always remains emotionally tethered to

9 Breaking Away continued

a family and community which valued blackness. Further excluding Betty were her intelligence, vocabulary and encyclo­ pedic knowledge. During the interview she described a lifetime of being teased and set apart for all three. "A blessing and a curse," she said of them, im­ plying that the very traits which distin­ guished her further denied her the the family by " a long leash ofloyalty." pense of his own separation and inclusion she so desperately wanted. For example, one student, I shall call growth. He has, in a sense, taken it (This is not at all to imply that these him Don, describes how his working upon himself(or been drafted, depend­ traits are devalued among blacks in class father desperately wanted him to ing upon how one looks at the issues of general.) However, from an early age go to college and to achieve a middle determinism and choice) to "repair" Betty learned to transform her ostra­ class, white collar position after gradua­ something in his father, but at the cost cism and loneliness into the thoughtful tion. Don's father, it turned out, had of his own sense of well being. Several solitude of reading. While other chil­ been asked to do the same thing by his times in our interview, for example, dren were playing Chutes and Ladders, father, and even repeated to Don the Don wondered out loud whether he she repotted, she was reading every­ grandfather's stern injunction, "I don't had done things for his father or for thing from Greek myths to Black his­ want you to labor like I did." Don's himself. Indeed, he questioned wheth­ tory. Beginning in elementary school father, however, did not do as asked, er listening to a stronger voice had she was a prodigious reader and a but instead found himself trapped and made it difficult to find his own, and precocious and outstanding student, embittered in a low paying, dead-end whether this was connected to his and finally graduated near the top of job. Said Don, vague feelings ofunhappiness and inde­ the class from the most selective and All my life I heard that story of how cision at college. academically competitive high school things if they had gone differently and Finally, Stierlin decribes children in her city. if he hadn't of made bad moves (deci­ who suffer a premature and overly Betty, then, seems to have negotiated sions) that life would have been more intense separation because they are a potentially damaging separation different, better. So study, go to a good expelled from home by rejecting or through the ingenious strategy of em­ college so I can feel like I did some­ neglectful parents. Needing shelter, inti­ bracing education. Academic achieve­ thing. (Emphasis added). macy, and guidance, these children are ment became in essence a salve, and His father's wishes, then, seemed not instead pushed into a world for which finally a badge of specialness and hon­ for Don alone, but appeared to be they are simply unprepared. Usually or, and school a house into which she mixed with a mission to resolve some the tensions fester for years until final­ could repair to build the strength to doubt about the self. To say it different­ ly a child is either thrown out or runs face her family, the world, herself. ly, Don was enlisted in an effort to ease away. In the case of a third student, his father's burden. The voice of the here called Betty, the expulsion was so ~ t would be too one-dimensional now dead grandfather reverberated subtle that I prefer to call it an exclu­ I and hence distorting to conclude that through the generations, and in the sion: she was in the family, but not of such dynamics alone are what moti­ interview his name still invoked as one it, cast down but not out. vates first generation college students who would have been proud. When Betty's parents separated and her (or anyone else, for that matter). Don's father explained, "Go to a good father disappeared before her mother Indeed, in the interviews students gave college so I can feel like I did some­ even knew she was pregnant. As a any number ofreasons for their matric­ thing," perhaps what he really meant result, Betty never met or heard from ulation -- vocational aspirations, intel­ was that in addition to feeling proud of her father, and felt abandoned by him. lectual fullfillment, and so on -- part of his son, he could also at last feel proud In the interviews she referred to herself what is probably an ever shifting hierar­ of himself in the memory he holds of as "the going-away present, so I was chy of motives. To omit family forces his father. not exactly welcomed as the flowers in from consideration, however, is to For Don, however, this delegation is spring, tra-Ia, tra-Ia." Her mother later miss something of importance. Of doubled-edged. On one side his recruit­ remarried, and changed her other chil­ course, the sons and daughters of col­ ment into the effort to emotionally dren's last names from her first hus­ lege educated families can be in the assist his father has provided a power­ band's to her second husband's -- but emotional and social employ of their ful underlying motive for him to suc­ not Betty's. She also poignantly de­ parents. But what distinguishes the ceed, and, indeed, Don has become an scribed her exclusion from sibling odyssey of these working class, first academically superior student. On the games and adventures, having her bed generation students is that their jour­ other side is the possibility that Don set apart from her sisters' (though they ney takes them into what can be experi­ has become weighed down by his fa­ slept in the same room), and being enced as a strange and alien land, ther's needs and demands at the ex- shunned for having the lightest skin in namely, the middle class. To say it

10 A Star's Biography

When life has narrowed down, One finds oneself become differently, for middle class students Only what one's public will remember: with a college legacy in the family, A man, a woman, caught by the persona higher education is mostly further so­ Of certain fame. cialization, additional steps along a "This is not what I am... " familiar path; for first generation stu­ Behind the image, dents, however, it is a resocialization The presentation, the facade; and a departure, and a sometimes jar­ ring one at that. Mobility, after all, Behind the million words, the gestures requires learning the ways ofa different Learned to perfection, the studied calm social class: its styles of language (ac­ . Of the hidden self, cent and vocabulary, for example), Lies the horror. dress, aesthetic tastes, conversational "This is not what I am... " topics, preferences in media, the arts, Watching one's self float off and so on. (Indeed, the classical sociolo­ gist Max Weber claimed that the differ­ Like a child's balloon ences between social classes were most When one day the child lets go. conspicuous in the conduct of every­ Smaller and smaller, against the sun, day life.) Black as the whitest bird There were many examples ofthis in In the brightest' sky. the interviews. One student, for ex­ ample, told of returning home for Thanksgiving vacation wearing a tweed w. F. Bolton sports jacket with patches on the el­ bows, only to be teased mercilessly by his family. Another reported how she expressed her new, more liberal stands on sex roles and race relations during the family breakfast conversation, pro­ other. voking angry outbursts that seemed It is difficult to say justhow represen­ directed more at her than at her posi­ tative these fifteen students are of tions. Of course, tweed jackets and others who are the first in their families liberalism are by no means monopo­ to go to college. They certainly were lized by the middle class, but in both not selected by a "scientific" sampling cases (and in others like them) they process. Most in fact were volunteers were seized upon as symbols of a stu­ responding to ads placed in student dent's becoming different, of be­ newspapers, and a few were found coming more "middle class." These through word of mouth. Perhaps only symbols, then, provided family mem­ the ones with the most pressing con­ bers with an opportunity to express cerns decided to participate; then their concerns about the consequences again, maybe the ones with the most of change, more specifically, about the pressing concerns were too anxious to possibility of loss. It was as ifsomeone participate. The important point, how­ said, "Look, we've all noticed that you ever, is not whether or not the inter­ appear different in some respects. We viewed students are somehow "repre­ may be proud of you, but we still want sentive," but that they inform or re­ to know what this means to us as mind us that social achievement is not individuals and as a family. Will we always entirely pleasant. It is, as we all still recognize your voice, or are we left know, a culturally valued and usually Howard London teaches in the Depart­ only with a fading echo?" The students, unquestioned goal; but when we focus ment .of Sociology and Anthropology of of course, had similar concerns, and on the negative side of upward move­ Bridgewater State College. His research sometimes purposefully behaved "dif­ ment we see that the same modernity and publications concern higher education, ferently" in order to test the family that creates the possibility of "oppor­ .. particularly the areas of student, faculty, waters. In either case, I believe what tunity" also creates the potential for and administrative cultures. Professor families were really expressing, in an biographical and social dislocation. It London has served as a consultant to the indirect, disguised and sometimes is, I believe, something we ought to National Institute of Education's Program counterproductive fashion, was a sense investigate about our society, ourselves on Educational Policy and Organization, of "endangered love," and a concern (if we have experienced it), and our as well as to the National Commission on about whether family members might students. Excellence in Education. be able to find new ways ofloving each

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