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SPIRITUAL ABUSE IN THE CHURCH: A GUIDE TO RECOGNITION AND RECOVERY ———————— A DISSERTATION PROJECT SUBMITTED TO THE FACULTY OF WESTERN SEMINARY PORTLAND OREGON ———————— IN PARTIAL FULFILLMENT OF THE REQUIREMENTS FOR THE DEGREE DOCTOR OF MINISTRY ———————— BY KENNETH J. GARRETT APRIL 2017 APPROVAL PAGE KENNETH J. GARRETT Doctor of Ministry APPROVAL ________________________________________________________________ Faculty Advisor _____________________________________ Date ________________________________________________________________ Program Director _____________________________________ Date ________________________________________________________________ Academic Dean _____________________________________ Date DEDICATION This project is affectionately dedicated to my dear wife Sharon, and to my three daughters, Bryn, Rachel, and Grace. I am also profoundly grateful for the examples of courage provided by the survivors of spiritual abuse who I am honored to call friends, and to the subtle but life-changing words and actions of kindness and understanding by my family, friends, and the law-enforcement personnel and District Attorney’s Office of Multnomah County, Oregon. Above all, I bow my knee in adoration and gratitude to the Friend of Sinners and Finder of Lost Sheep—the Great Shepherd Jesus Christ, who still seeks and saves the lost and hurting to this day. v TABLE OF CONTENTS List of Abbreviations .............................................................................................ix Abstract ................................................................................................................ x Prologue: A House of Mirrors ............................................................................... 1 Introduction ........................................................................................................... 6 Research Methodology ................................................................................... 7 Overview of the Project ................................................................................... 8 Definitions ..................................................................................................... 11 Assumptions .................................................................................................. 13 Limitations ..................................................................................................... 14 Importance of the Project .............................................................................. 15 Summary ....................................................................................................... 15 Chapter 1 - Cults and Churches . ................................................................... 17 Cults in America ............................................................................................ 17 What Shall We Call a Church That Hurts People? ........................................ 24 Chapter 2 - Spiritual Abuse in the Bible .............................................................. 30 Examples of Spiritual Abuse from the Old Testament ................................... 30 Examples of Spiritual Abuse from the New Testament ................................. 36 Chapter 3 - The Psyche and Speech of the Abusive LEADER ........................... 50 The Psyche of the Abusive Pastor ................................................................ 52 The Speech of the Abusive Pastor ................................................................ 57 vi Chapter 4 - The Members of the Spiritually Abusive Church .............................. 63 Who would ever join an abusive church?! ..................................................... 63 Me, the Totalist .............................................................................................. 65 Chapter 5 - Eight Indicators of Churches that Abuse .......................................... 77 Deception: What is received is not what was promised ................................ 78 Loss: The abusive church demands more, of everything .............................. 85 Isolation: The abusive church separates members from family and friends .. 91 Elitism: The prevailing notion of superiority ................................................... 96 Group-speak: The unique language of each abusive church ...................... 100 Fear: Dread of failing to please the abusive leaders ................................... 105 Disclosure: Confession as a church requirement ........................................ 108 Trauma: Leaving is painful and costly ......................................................... 115 Chapter 6 - Why do people leave Abusive Churches? ..................................... 125 Time Away from the Church ........................................................................ 126 Unsanctioned Friendships ........................................................................... 129 Discovery of Ideological Shortcomings ....................................................... 131 Disillusionment with Leaders ....................................................................... 133 What Happened?! ....................................................................................... 136 Chapter 7 - When the Walking Wounded Walk into our Churches ................... 139 Re-entry Wounds ........................................................................................ 142 Psychological Wounds ................................................................................ 145 Spiritual Wounds ......................................................................................... 154 Marriage Wounds ........................................................................................ 155 vii Parenting Wounds ....................................................................................... 157 Economic Wounds ...................................................................................... 161 Educational and Professional Wounds ........................................................ 161 Chapter 8 - Safe Pastors, Safe Churches ........................................................ 164 The Pastor as a Safe Shepherd .................................................................. 164 Safe Churches are Honest .......................................................................... 178 Chapter 9 - Putting It All Together .................................................................... 189 For Friends and Family ............................................................................... 190 For Church Members .................................................................................. 194 For Pastors and Church Leaders ................................................................ 197 Epilogue: Healing…not yet healed ................................................................... 200 Appendix .......................................................................................................... 203 Sample Exegetical sermon: Jude ..................................................................... 203 Exegetical Study of Jude—Facing Off with Spiritual Abusers ..................... 203 The Fingerprints of Spiritual Abusers, 1-4 ................................................... 204 The Ancestors of Abusive Religious Leaders, 5-7 ....................................... 208 The False Teacher’s Rejection of Spiritual Authority, 8-9 ........................... 213 The Self-Destructiveness of the False Teacher, 10 .................................... 215 Woe to Three Types of Wolves, 11 ............................................................. 217 Five Snapshots of the Abusive Leader, 12-13 ............................................. 220 The Certain Judgment of the False Teacher, 14-15 .................................... 223 The Speech of the False Teacher, 16 ......................................................... 225 Healing From Spiritual Abuse, 17-25 .......................................................... 227 viii Bibliography ...................................................................................................... 235 ix LIST OF ABBREVIATIONS C-PTSD Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Syndrome ICC International Christian Church ICOC International Churches of Christ ICSA International Cultic Studies Association 1 NPR Narcissistic Personality Disorder PTSD Post-Traumatic Stress Syndrome SGA Second Generation Survivor 1 “About Us - International Cultic Studies Association (ICSA).” Accessed January 3, 2017. http://www.icsahome.com/aboutus. “Founded in 1979, the International Cultic Studies Association (ICSA) is a global network of people concerned about psychological manipulation and abuse in cultic or high-demand groups, alternative movements, and other environments. ICSA is tax-exempt, supports civil liberties, and is not affiliated with any religious or commercial organizations.” x ABSTRACT The theme of this project is spiritual abuse. For this project, spiritual abuse is defined as the use of deception, manipulation, and undue influence by a pastor or leader over a member of a church or Christian organization in order to appropriate the member’s material, physical, or emotional resources. The purpose of this study is to introduce the reader to the existence, characteristics, and leaders of spiritually abusive churches. Select biblical examples of spiritual abuse, Christian and secular academic sources, and a description of the basic personality types of spiritually