The Truth About Writing

The Truth About Writing Notes for Readers This version of The Truth about Writing is being distrib- uted free, on the internet, as a download in PDF format. Apart from this page, the text is identical with the printed book. The book is Copyright © Michael Allen 2003. However, you are free to print out a paper copy of it if you wish; that is certainly the most convenient way to read it. You may also photocopy that printout. You may copy the file electronically, send it as an email to friends, quote from it at length, and otherwise make any sensible use of it for non-commercial purposes. Having read, or dipped into, this PDF version, you may, of course, wish to buy a copy of the printed book. This can easily be done by giving the ISBN to your local bookseller, or by using the ISBN to search on the internet. Please note, however, that although Amazon UK list the book, they are not currently able to supply it; this is their fault, not the fault of the author, publisher, or distributor. It will be appreciated if any comments, suggestions, copies of reviews, et cetera, are sent to the following email address: [email protected] . Please use the word ‘Truth’ in the subject header. Also by Michael Allen Novels The Leavers Spence in Petal Park Spence at the Blue Bazaar Spence at Marlby Manor No Holds Barred As Michael Bradford Counter-coup As Anne Moore Topp Family Secrets Passionate Affairs Scrooge and the Widow of Pewsey As Patrick Read Beautiful Lady The Suppression of Vice Stage Plays Spykiller (Bouchercon Prize, 1990) What’s to be done with Algernon? Mr Beresford Television drama The Speckled Band (adaptation) Murder on Midsummer’s Eve Radio drama Death of a Student What’s to be done with Algernon? (adaptation) Non-fiction The Goals of Universities Assorted articles, book reviews, et cetera In addition to the above, which have all been published or produced, Michael Allen is also the author of a considerable number of novels, short stories, stage plays, television dramas, film scripts, and the like, which, due to the general cluelessness of publishers, producers, and decision-makers everywhere, have yet to see the light of day. The Truth About Writing An essential handbook for novelists, playwrights, and screenwriters Michael Allen Kingsfield Copyright © Michael Allen 2003 The right of Michael Allen to be identified as the author of this work has been asserted by him in accordance with the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988 First published in 2003 by Kingsfield Publications 1 Kingsfield Close, Bradford on Avon Wiltshire, BA15 1AW All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted, in any form or by any means, without the prior written permission of the publisher, nor be otherwise circulated in any form or binding or cover other than that in which it is published and without a similar condition being imposed on the subsequent purchaser. British Library Cataloguing in Publication Data A catalogue record for this book is available from the British Library ISBN 1 903988 05 5 Printed and bound by Antony Rowe Ltd, Eastbourne CONTENTS Introduction 9 1 What do writers want? 15 Money 16 The earnings of the few 16 The earnings of the majority 20 Fame 23 Literary Reputation 26 What is literary reputation? 26 How do you acquire literary reputation? 27 But you can’t have everything 29 The origins of literary snobbery 31 The practical value of literary studies 33 Expressing yourself 37 Summary 41 2 Are they likely to get it? 43 Book publishing 44 Acceptance rates for unsolicited manuscripts 44 The slush pile 46 The truth about your chances of acceptance 48 Periodicals 50 Television 51 The stage 53 Radio 56 Film 57 Thinking clearly about rejection 58 Why we do it 60 Summary 62 3 How to decide what you want and how to go about getting it 63 Analysing your daydreams 63 How to achieve what you want 66 Matching skills to the medium 67 4 How the publishing industry works 72 or not, as the case may be Different kinds of publishing 73 I moan, you mean, he/she/it moans 77 Publishing in perspective 79 Trade publishing in outline 81 Manufacturing a bestseller 83 Word-of-mouth bestsellers 86 How books are selected for publication 87 On the incompetence of editors 91 More about the slush pile 97 Internal approval procedures 102 The limited market for fiction 107 The monstrous inefficiency of publishers 108 Personal affronts 111 A personal response to this nonsense 120 Publishers achievements (a short section) 123 Some conclusions 130 5 The role of emotion in writing 133 Why is this man talking about emotion anyway? 134 Sources of ideas on emotion 135 What does the punter want? 136 Turning principle into practice 140 What can science tell us about emotion? 143 An unscientific theory of emotion for writers 145 The range of emotions 151 Positive emotions 153 Negative emotions 154 The creative writer’s task 155 There are no Great Novels 162 A brief excursion for ammunition 164 Back to the Great Novels argument 166 There is no hierarchy of fiction 168 I am not more sensitive than you, and I don’t mind admitting it 171 What is a work of art? 173 Down with expressionism 175 The morality of the novel 182 Summary 186 6 How to find the energy for writing 189 Do you sometimes feel too tired to write? 191 How to stop feeling tired 192 Fuelling the engine 193 What to do about breakfast 194 Theory 194 Practice 196 The recipe for pepup 198 The effect of eating the right and wrong breakfasts 200 What to eat later in the day 201 Sources of protein for energy 202 Other suggestions about eating for energy 203 Improving your energy level with water 204 How to boost your energy through physical fitness 208 Defining fitness 209 Start with gentle exercise 210 More serious exercise 210 What about an exercise bike? 212 How to avoid aches and pains 213 Repetitive Strain Injury 213 Dr Sarno and back pain 214 The Alexander Technique 217 Emotions and energy 217 Summary 220 7 How to find the time to write 221 Setting your personal goals 222 The rhythm method 224 Final thoughts 228 Summary 228 8 How to sell your work in the digital age 229 The role of the agent 231 Finding an agent 233 Digital doings 236 Self-publishing 239 Summary 243 9 The secret of success 244 10 Envoi 250 11 Allen’s axioms – lest you forget 252 ‘If you want to be thought a liar, always tell the truth.’ Logan Pearsall Smith INTRODUCTION _________________________________ WRITING IS AN activity which can seriously damage your health. It can consume huge amounts of time and energy, and it can lead to frustration, rage, and bitterness. The overall purpose of this book is therefore to protect and preserve the sanity of anyone who is unfortunate enough to be afflicted with the ambition to write. As the title implies, I shall tell you the truth about writing – the truth about your chances of success when you bang your head against the brick wall of publishers’ indifference. As is often the case, the truth does not make for comfortable reading, but the fact that this book does not pull any punches is what makes it valuable to you, the Reader, because most books about writing don’t tell you the truth at all. Instead, they lead you to believe that success – in the form of money, fame and literary prizes – lies just down the road, and that all you have to do is pay a tuppenny bus fare and you will arrive there almost at once. Unfortunately, life is not like that, and I have no intention of painting a misleading picture. The authors of other books for writers may be encouraging, cheerful, and full of hope and optimism; I, on the other hand, will be 9 gloomy, pessimistic, and cynical. But I will, at least, be telling you the truth. The book is aimed principally at those who intend to write novels, but there is much in it which will be useful to those working in the theatre, television, film, or radio. With any luck, once you understand what an unreward- ing and frustrating business writing is, you may abandon all thought of continuing, and take up something sensible, such as making quilts, or breeding budgerigars. But I doubt it, because most writers are, more or less by definition, completely crackers. They are people who are congenitally incapable of looking a fact in the face and recognising it for what it is. And I speak as someone who has been at it for nearly fifty years, so I should know. The structure of the book The book is arranged in nine main chapters. The first chapter considers the possible rewards of writing – money, fame, literary reputation, and the freedom to ‘express yourself’; and the second chapter explains how likely it is that you will obtain any of these rewards. (Not very likely at all, actually.) These first two chapters are, in short, a crash course in a skill which writers find hard to master: clear thinking. If, after reading these introductory chapters, you are still suffused by the ill-advised ambition to write, Chapter 3 explains how to decide what it is that you personally hope to achieve through writing. It helps you to determine your own set of aims and ambitions; these, in turn, ought to determine what sort of books or scripts you write.

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