UNIVERSITY OF CALGARY

Journey to the Honour Song:

Stories of First Nations Student Success

by

Margaret A. E. Dobson

A DISSERTATION

SUBMITTED TO THE FACULTY OF GRADUATES STUDIES

IN PARTIAL FULFILMENT OF THE REQUIREMENTS FOR THE

DEGREE OF DOCTOR OF PHILOSOPHY

GRADUATE DIVISION OF EDUCATION RESEARCH

CALGARY, ALBERTA

AUGUST, 2012

© Margaret A. E. Dobson 2012 Library and Archives Bibliotheque et Canada Archives Canada

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The study is an interpretive work regarding the cross-cultural and paradigmatic experiences of First Nations students attending and graduating from university. It is an arts based, imaginative and philosophical presentation of clusters of stories concerning the journey of First Nations students through university when they are expected to conform to Euro-Canadian post-secondary academic culture. The inquiry depicts and evokes the lived experience of successful First Nations graduates through the medium of fictional story. Storytelling is engaged to investigate and celebrate ways of knowing valued by and integral to Aboriginal cultures, and in order to contextualize and convey insights about the journey of First Nations university students in a manner that makes the pathway accessible to future generations. The inquiry results from twenty years of acculturation among First Nations students, learning from, adopting and appropriating many First Nations perspectives and understandings shared by the courageous students who taught me about their experience in my capacity as educator and university programme co-ordinator/instructor between 1984- 2005. Beginning with a conventional Euro-Canadian thesis format, the study, moves across knowledge cultures to weave First Nations myth, legend, poetry and song with contemporary fictionalized accounts of the experiences of Aboriginal students in post- secondary learning settings. Embedded in the stories is information that may relate to educational processes such as admissions, or course selection, and to more personal and learning matters such as motivation, First Nations history, acquiring success and the esoteric of power. The stories highlight the perspectives of First Nations students on the interactions between their cultural paradigms and academics. The empowering stories of university success carry the potential to inspire, to teach, to create change and promote healing for prospective First Nations students and educators who work beside them.

II Acknow ledgements

An epiphany for which I am deeply grateful, occurred for me in a class with Dr. Ian Winchester. Our professor was exploring the understanding of the class regarding the breadth and potential of research. He described several unconventional studies and asked a question the essence of which was, "Couldn't fiction or a novel be research, too?" It was apparent, that Dr. Winchester believed it could be. An idea took root; I knew what I wanted and needed to do in my dissertation. The idea was able to take root, since over the course of many years in my interactions with First Nations students, I learned how integral and valued story traditions were within their cultures.

A First Nations' custom is acknowledging the peoples in whose territory one may be. The inquiry developed and the University of Calgary resides on the traditional territories of the Blackfoot, Tsus T'ina and Stoney peoples, (signatories of Treaty Seven). Members of these Nations and many others across Canada have been my teachers and mentors concerning their issues and cultures for over twenty years. In light of my students, their traditions and the challenges they encounter, I embarked on this study in which I share the post-secondary journey of Native graduates in evocative story. Nine remarkable graduates, Alex, Assiniboine, Charlie, Ineewagi, Iskwew, Jace, Micky, Siapiaaki, and Walking Against the Wind brought their voices and insights to my master's thesis, and I regard them as amazing teachers whose experience, words and wisdom inspired the present study. As well, I wish to express my admiration, and appreciation for the multitude of students who between 1984 and 2005, shared their culture, the highlights and many challenges of their educational journey with me informally at Maskwachees Cultural College and in The Native Centre. This study was motivated by and generated from what students taught me, and it is my hope that by connecting with First Nations' story in my dissertation, sharing the knowledge of successful university graduates will guide and assist future generations in their educational journeys.

Once the idea of interpreting students' experiences in fictional story took root, I approached my Supervisor, Dr. Cecille DePass who urged me to chase the dream, and

III continuously supported my writing with patience and understanding. Her compassion, humanity and concern for others are exemplary and make the graduate process both gratifying and rewarding. In extraordinary circumstances, both Dr. Depass and Dr. Winchester exerted themselves extraordinarily! They are models of integrity and true champions. As well as appreciating Dr. Winchester's vital role on committee, and his insights on research, I want to thank him for the wisdom he so often shares with students and colleagues. Likewise, I acknowledge with gratitude, the interest, the invested time, and commitment to education of all who agreed to act as committee members. Dr. Shibao Guo and Dr. Celia-Haig Brown (who travelled from Toronto), sincere thanks for arranging your schedules and rearranging travel plans. Dr. Robert Isaac provided thoughtful review, encouraging constructive comment on my inquiry and perspective on the process, while Dr. Don Smith interrupted his retirement from teaching at University of Calgary and his writing, to be part of the committee. I reiterate my heartfelt thanks to each of you for your great support of my dissertation.

In addition to all the sharing students from Maskwachees Cultural College, Old Sun College and The Native Centre, I have had colleagues, mentors and friends in each of those settings. I want to acknowledge the educational and cultural insights generously shared. Special thanks to Professor Evelyn Moore-Eyman, Chief Woman (deceased), who with Treaty 7 leaders and university colleagues began Indian Student Services, which became The Native Centre, and also Dr Fred Carnew, Marilyn Huebert, Alvina Nepoose, Beverly Buffalo, Annette Buffalo, Gloria Baptiste, Violet Soosay, Beatrice Dennehy, Veronica Peigan, Arlene Samson, Esther Wildcat, Lena Cutknife, Bruce Cutknife, Agnes Tootoosis, Clara Wildcat, Patricia Wildcat, Dr. Peggy Ward, George Calliou, Tom Cranebear, Darin Keewatin, Roland Bear, Cheryl Goodwill, Phyllis Pruden, Tommy Snow, Angela Young, Delphine Blackhorse, Laura Auger, Dr. Dale Auger (deceased), Christine Goodwin, Cyndi Bermingham, Dr. Barbara Barnes, Donna Meckling, Shawna Cunningham, Dr. John Friesen, Dr. Virginia Friesen, Dr. Cash Ahenakew, Cheryl Solway, Esther Scalplock, Lorelei Waterchief, Nicholas Breaker (deceased), and Adrian Wolfleg. Their commitment to learning and community, so often made the journey enlightening.

IV Without my family my graduate school journey would never have begun. My parents set the example as dedicated teachers and believers in life-long learning. While my Father is no longer alive to urge me on, his steadfast encouragement and support are always remembered and treasured. My Mother happily, continues to monitor my progress and cheer me on during our regular phone calls across intervening miles from Ontario. Likewise, my sister Dawn provides immeasurable encouragement and is a key confidant. My husband Jim and my son Greg are the heart and soul of my Alberta family. Yet again in the travails of graduate school, Jim especially has made the process feasible and provided innumerable supports. I acknowledge my family with love, immense gratitude and profound appreciation.

V Table of Contents

Abstract ii Acknowledgements iii Tables of Contents vi Preface x

CHAPTER ONE: SHARING STORIES Introduction 1 Rationale for the Study 3 Description of the Inquiry 7 Inquiring Into Cultural Differences 8 Reflective Inquiry and Story 10 Study Objectives 12 Background to the Study 13 Method of Inquiry 18 Conclusion 22

CHAPTER TWO: TRADITIONS, TEACHINGS AND TRANSFORMATIONS Stories and Aboriginal World View 23 Stories and Elders 26 Stories and Knowledge Creation 28 Stories and Tricksters 31 Stories and Decolonization 34 Stories and Interpreting First Nations Students' University Experience 38 Conclusion 46

VI CYCLE I: STORIES OF VISION Prologue 48 A Journey Begins 49 Charlene 53 The Little Bird's Arrow 57 Charlene 59 Crow Medicine Brings the Buffalo 67 Charlene 69 When Fog Conies Drifting 73 Andy 75 DeeDee 87 Duck Feathers 93 Charlene 95 DeeDee 102 Coyote and the Great Spirit 107

CYCLE II: STORIES OF CHALLENGES Charlene 108 Andy 109 Why the Mouse is So Silky 122 Andy 124 Raven Holds the Sun 127 Charlene 129 The Whirlwind 131 Charlene 134 North Wind Conies South 137 Charlene, Andy and DeeDee 139 Tricksters Trail the Old Ones 151 DeeDee 152

VII Brave Girl and the Storm Monster 156 Charlene 158 Raven Builds a Library (Part 1) 161 Andy 163 Charlene 167 Andy 171 DeeDee 176

CYCLE III: STORIES OF GROWTH Charlene 185 Raven Builds A Library (Part 2) 188 Andy 193 Wisakidjak Outstrips the Wind (Part 1) 196 DeeDee 199 Charlene 203 Wisakidjak Outstrips the Wind (Part 2) ....206 DeeDee 208 Andy 212 DeeDee 218 Coyote Volunteers 220 Coyote Takes a Tumble 224 DeeDee 228 The Flight of the Crows 240 DeeDee 241 Charlene 248 DeeDee 254 Origin of the Prairie Rose 262 DeeDee 264

VIII CYCLE IV: STORIES OF CHANGE Wisakidjak Outstrips the Wind (Part 3) 273 Andy 276 DeeDee 280 Andy 286 Wisakidjak Outstrips the Wind (Part 4) 292 Charlene 294 The Old Ones 301 Charlene, Andy, DeeDee and Community 303

ENDNOTES 309

BIBLIOGRAPHY 313

IX Preface

To all appearances, it was an unexceptional day in August 1986, when I first arrived at Maskwachees Cultural College on the Hobbema Reserve. There had been rain, the road was wet and the potholes checker-boarding the packed-earth parking area in front of the College promised soakers to the unwary. Climbing out of my car, sidestepping puddles and emaciated stray dogs, I faced an aging and dilapidated two story frame building with basement, looking vaguely like a school with rows of windows paneling the walls. Two short wings jutted towards me, each with double-wide doorways. The doors were locked, but I had been forewarned to locate a side entrance tucked into a recessed corner where one of the wings joined the main building. Most of the structure was unoccupied, and the College was in fact housed in a small fraction of this crumbling condemned building. The narrow creaking side-door opened upon a dark, dank stairwell redolent of farmyards, muddy wet feet, stale urine and the whiff of lately scalded coffee.

What had I gotten myself into, I wondered? While there were no tremors of the earth, eclipses or falling stars to mark my crossing of the threshold, nonetheless the occasion was the beginning of a life altering and shaping experience. Although I had spent the previous academic year instructing and tutoring adult Native students in an urban campus university preparation programme in Calgary, and I had gone to public school occasionally with Native children in the small village in southern Ontario where I grew up, never before had I had the opportunity to spend time in a First Nations community or be engaged in a setting where Aboriginal people would actively teach me and help me to learn about themselves, their history, traditions, values, beliefs, languages, joys and sorrows. Beyond the entry way of this uninviting former residential school building, Maskwachees Cultural College was housed. More vitally there were the people, a wonderfully warm, laughing and brave community of Cree people.

The College students, their families and the larger community proved to be striving to cope in the present, searching to discover and create a possible future. The small group of less than twenty adult students I first met at the College grew exponentially as enrolment

X exploded in the short term of two to three years. Before long the university programme boasted seventy-five students and at the end of the five years I spent at the College, there were a hundred and twenty students registered in university courses. As well, within three years the College grew to occupy the whole of the former residential school and programmes and staff were expanded to meet a variety of academic needs including high school upgrading, transition year preparation for university, professional skills training such as a Cree Language Instructors Diploma and an emergency medical technicians programme. In this setting, my Cree students and colleagues, with an occasional Blackfoot, Dene, Tlingit, Iroquois, or Chippewa addition, told me about their world views, their concerns and issues. They expressed their perspectives about white people, Euro-western culture, mainstream history, and academic requirements. Each day we spent together for over five years, First Nations individuals shared their stories whether it was Cree legends, community chronicles, personal life stories, or contemporary ordeals.

Subsequently, I spent a further fifteen years learning from First Nations students, Elders and colleagues as I worked as co-ordinator in The Native Centre at The University of Calgary, advising, supporting, and teaching Aboriginal students from most provinces and territories across Canada. The community at Maskwachees College first nurtured my learning about Aboriginal cultures and the vitality of story. At The Native Centre, once more in an urban academic environment, First Nations students and the staff together devised a supportive and sharing community within which to honour and celebrate Aboriginal customs and traditions. In this environment many more stories of First Nations communities and my students were shared and were integral to our activities. Over the course of two decades, what I have learned has profoundly influenced and transformed my own world view and perspectives.

Maskwachees College while on first encounter appearing unprepossessing became a portal ...a doorway leading to an awareness of other ways of thinking and knowing. It led also to a realization of compelling alternate perspectives about the world, about knowledge and truth and the accepted pathways for discovery. Similar to most children raised in Canada over the latter half of the 20th century, I was schooled in a Euro-western manner

XI and acquired a popular view of the world and my country. Examples of some of the explicitly and or implicitly conveyed perceptions are ideas about humanity's relation to the world, that as a superior species mankind is intended to dominate and find ways to control and use the living world. Knowledge generally was traced to European origins, ordered into subjects and categories, for the most part absolutes to be memorized and mastered. At university, I learned more information segregated within disciplines and ways to apply scientific methods and objectivity. In an industrial and increasingly post-industrial affluent and rapidly growing Euro-Canadian society, confidence was fostered in the clear superiority of western culture, knowledge, and technology. In mainstream North America the focus was on progress, economic growth, acquisition and shaping the future by actualizing the potential wealth of the earth's resources and someday soon, those in outer space. It was understood that we Canadians were living in a great democracy fashioned by people who had come in the face of danger and risk across the world and discovered 'unused land,' settled, built a country and society which now lived and prospered in brag- worthy freedom.

Inside the doorway of an Aboriginal community, however, I was in the midst of people impatient with such attitudes and perspectives. In addition, my students were troubled by the beliefs, conduct and learning methodologies of the larger Euro-western society. Here was no acceptance of the idea that humanity was in charge, rather human beings were perceived to be connected to and in relationship with the rest of creation, the earth, the universe, the animate and the inanimate. Harmony and balance were believed to be shaping mechanisms for life and human activities. Knowledge was understood to lie elsewhere than in books, not to be the domain of external experts or dependent on the written word. Oral traditions were honoured. Respect was accorded to individual knowledge, acquired through experience or longterm observation, subjective or introspective study, spiritual insights and intuited conclusion. Knowledge could be shared and become community wisdom most particularly through story. Here the focus was on personal growth and discovery accomplished in relation to care for the family and community. Living in the present was paramount but this was informed by closeness with the past and an appreciation for how present actions may impact the future. In the First

XII Nations setting of the College (and later The Native Centre) and the surrounding community, the past, present and considerations of care taking for the future were dominant notions.

The evidence of the impact of past colonization could be seen throughout the life of the people on the Hobbema reserve, whether it was in the circumstance of living on a 'reservation', the presence of the former residential school building, the struggle against poverty or the efforts to preserve, reclaim and regenerate Cree culture. In the present, social traumas of all kinds, economic challenges, political and legal issues dominated day to day existence and reflected the colonial history. The understanding was that the present needed to change in order for the future to be better for the next generations. As well, however, a better future also was believed to be discoverable through the re-assertion and renewal of traditions. In the Aboriginal community there was no belief that a country had been gained, but only that the people's place on earth and a way of life was lost. Instead, existence was defined by the Federal Indian Act, restrictions, dispossession, foreign control of community life and marginalization. No free democracy here... the concepts and practice of elections and terms of office were imposed, too.

Among the Aboriginal peoples that I have worked beside beliefs surrounding knowledge development and experience as well as perspectives, are vastly different than mainstream Euro-western thought. As my years of teaching accumulated I came to appreciate the differences, but also to value the ways of knowing of Aboriginal culture. Returning once again to the highly Euro-western setting of the university in 1991,1 witnessed many of my students' frustration with academic, scientific and linear approaches to knowledge which required them to ignore their own learning traditions. In Euro-western university settings, other ways of knowing typically have not been accorded either respect or space for inclusion. When I completed a master's inquiry into the success of Aboriginal students in university, I sought to find a way to make the study more culturally sensitive and respectful. I made narrative central to the data gathering activities for the study. Nonetheless, my thesis was primarily an academic document following many of the conventions in the organization, format, analysis and presentation of findings. As I

XIII conceived of a dissertation, I determined that I wished to engage even more closely and deliberately with First Nations story traditions.

For much of my career, my teaching has taken me into a cross-cultural setting. Likewise, my students have had to learn cross-culturally. We have each travelled in places and at times when the setting was new to us and we found ourselves in some transition striving to adjust in unfamiliar situations. In a variety of ways what is written here in the following document is representative of such a journey and transition. The initial portions of the journey taken in this dissertation are consciously more closely associated with my Euro-western culture of origin and scholarship, and more consistent with standard Social Sciences academic presentation formats. There is an introductory chapter that sets forth the purpose, background, reasons and need for the study. Following this there is a discussion of the integral and intrinsic nature of story within First Nations cultures. As the work progresses from this discussion, a significant and deliberate departure occurs. I endeavour to engage more profoundly with Aboriginal story and knowledge traditions.

Working within First Nations story paradigms involves this writer in adapting to an Indigenous world view. In light of the history of oppression of First Nations cultures, concerns about appropriation are understood. First Nations historically have experienced major appropriation of land, culture, sacred artifacts, and identity, concomitant with the depredations of colonialism. Yet, appropriation can be more benign and constructive as well. Adapting, relating and learning also encompass appropriation. Appropriation is a fundamental human activity in which a range of behaviours may be found. As this writer comprehends the breadth of the term, it can mean theft; it can mean credited or un-credited utilization, borrowing or sharing, the adoption of an idea or opinion, or a way of accomplishing a task. Appropriation is part of how we live and connect among others, whether family, friends or the broader society, how we exchange the tangible and intangible. It is closely connected to learning and communicating. First Nations students in mainstream university are appropriating - learning knowledge and skills needed in academia and modern societies, often not originating with their own cultures. By so doing they participate in academic scholarship, and potentially in the larger economy and society.

XIV Increasingly, contemporary First Nations writers, educators and scholars assert and represent to the mainstream and their own communities the strengths, viability and the need for regeneration of First Nations' ways of knowing such as story. By choosing to apply a strategy aligned with Aboriginal epistemologies, I adopt story. Indigenous teachers and sources describe this passing on of what I have learned as a responsibility that comes with knowledge and identify story as the most suitable way to relay what I have been taught by Native students. I have had the privilege of working closely with Aboriginal students, teachers, and elders during my teaching career. Alex, Assiniboine, Charlie, Ineewagi, Iskwew, Jace, Micky, Siapiaaki, and Walking Against the Wind, contributed to the knowledge accrued in my masters, as have so many others over a twenty year period in post-secondary educational settings when they also expressed the desire for greater acceptance and validation of their cultures. Knowing that my students often were at odds with the Euro-western academic paradigm and felt constrained when they always had to work within it, I in turn feel obligated to honour their teachings and their heritage concerning story, to move such methodology forward into the mainstream, and to communicate their experience to others and their own communities as shared with me, via the context of story.

By participating in Aboriginal story approaches, I set out to bridge Euro-western and First Nations cultural paradigms. First Nations writer, Paula Gunn Allen states that "the whole world is a multi-cultural event.. .and we need to communicate with each other" (p.16.). The opportunity and experience of learning about First Nations cultures, values and de-colonization struggles, was in many respects my own multi-cultural event. I acknowledge my experience of acculturation and a reciprocal obligation to the individuals and communities who tutored me. By virtue of my experience and to tell about all that my students taught me, I ventured outside the confines of traditional academic conventions to explore the language of stories. By bridging cultures, possibilities arise for transcultural discussions and by learning, embracing and using First Nations story conventions I inquire into and support some of the ways future generations of students might seek to bring their First Nations cultural knowledge traditions into their university journeys.

XV The stories that emerge and constitute the substantive core of this dissertation do not follow a scholarly format. Rather, they represent an investigation into and celebration of First Nations story-telling traditions by weaving myth, legend, poetry and song with contemporary fictionalized accounts of the experiences of Aboriginal students in post- secondary learning settings. The decision to depict lived experiences creatively through fiction is rooted in the understanding that knowledge is kept and shared within a breadth of stories as constituted in Aboriginal learning traditions. A deep respect for First Nations ways of knowing and being underpins the dissertation and determines the format in substantive cross-cultural sections. Primarily, the stories told are of the experiences of First Nations university students and are intended to inform, guide prospective students and offer insights on the journey through the postsecondary process. Thus, the information embedded in the stories may relate to educational essentials such as admissions, course selection, study techniques and time management, or to personal and learning matters such as motivation, self-esteem, First Nations history, the acquisition of success and the esoteric of power. The stories are configured around fictional characters and are not describing real or living individuals.

While numerous events, people and circumstances are portrayed, they are inspired by typical happenings and present a combination of truth and author's license. The fictional stories allow freedom in the creation of characters and the weaving of mixed and multiple tales. Stories about fictional Aboriginal students are juxtaposed with archetypal figures such as tricksters or the old ones. Traditional trickster and other stories are included as ancient vehicles for community wisdom, opportunities for learning or humour, which reflect First Nations' cultural contexts and perspectives regarding change, transformation, and accomplishment. Consistent with Aboriginal story traditions, the implicit messages, lessons and insights contained in the stories are open and are expected to be gleaned by the individual. Each person is free to derive the knowledge, or understanding that is appropriate for them when they encounter a particular story.

XVI 1

Chapter One Sharing Stories

Introduction

In the research I completed for my master's thesis Honour Song: Native Graduates Voice Success, I embarked on an exploration of the success Aboriginal students are achieving at university. (Dobson, 2004, My thesis was nominated for a Michel LaFerriere Research Award from the Comparative and International Education Society of Canada [CIESC] in 2005. The Review Committee is reported to have highly commended the study.) The research was prompted by perceived change in the enrolment and achievement of Aboriginal students. Despite the social, educational and economic circumstances of First Nations people in Canada which raise many fundamental systemic hurdles for those Aboriginal students who may wish to pursue opportunities for higher learning, and despite the numerous additional challenges posed by post-secondary educational institutions, as of the mid to late twentieth century, the number of Aboriginal people graduating from universities continues to increase. This phenomenon warranted a study highlighting the success of Native students and one which realized respect for the voices of First Nations students and recognized their storytelling traditions. In order to emphasize story traditions, a narrative approach was instrumental in the data gathering and discussion in my earlier study. Storytelling is the essential core and is integral to my dissertation in which I actively explore and pursue the use and power of story in the production and dissemination of knowledge.

The writing of my master's thesis allowed me to investigate and in part devise an approach that was influenced by First Nations perspectives and understandings. Aboriginal graduates participating in the master's study told of their student experience and of how they had achieved success in university. Multiple issues were uncovered through the in- depth analytical reading of the graduates' stories including isolation, cultural conflicts, personal sacrifices and struggles, perseverance, as well as rewards and learning. These issues and the graduates' narratives describing their mechanisms and processes for survival 2 supported the major themes which emerged during the research: vision, challenge, growth and change. The major themes elicited from the narratives became the foundation for a four part medicine wheel which provided a culturally relevant, First Nations model for the interpretation and discussion of study findings.

Additionally, during the course of my master's study, in chapters 4 and 5,1 contributed a narrative of my own experiences while teaching on reserve and in The Native Centre. This was done primarily in the spirit of reciprocity which is valued in First Nations cultures. It became strikingly evident in the course of the study that emerging from my experience and that of the graduates was the perception of differences in ways of knowing or cultural paradigms. As a researcher, I sought to be both aware of cultural differences, to rely on Aboriginal knowledge and understandings, and whenever possible to incorporate a culturally sensitive methodology. However, the academic paradigm is structured quite differently from Aboriginal cultures. As a researcher, I consistently experienced the challenges of working cross-culturally, and the graduates affirmed in the interview process that they had regularly encountered cross-cultural conflicts in their post-secondary journeys. Achievement for the graduates at university often required students to acquire a Euro-western academic paradigm which is radically different from traditional Aboriginal ways of knowing.

While the previous study pointed to significant differences in paradigms, it further led to recognition of the need for exploration of the dynamics when these cultural paradigms meet. The graduates' stories of hardships and cultural challenges, in addition to the informally shared dilemmas of innumerable struggling students encountered over the course of my two decades of experience teaching and learning in a cross-cultural environment, provide a rich resource for discourse, and a foundation upon which to draw in order to creatively express the possibilities when cultural communities encounter one another. Cross-cultural communication is highly relevant in contemporary Canadian education and society. The sharing of story may further the appreciation of the interactions of cultural paradigms, the likely impact of such interactions, and the possible roles of culture of origin in academic learning, and may contribute significantly to how First 3

Nations students and their instructors at the university level address challenges, and enhance and strengthen cross-cultural understanding. As well, the experience of successful graduates conveyed by means of story opens the possibility of benefiting new and future Aboriginal students who are dealing with conflict between different cultural paradigms or concerns about loss of their own culture.

Story offers unlimited potential for imaginatively exploring and sharing former students' university experiences, for active reflection and interpretation, and for bridging cultural distances. It is regarded as a valid means of creating and sharing knowledge in the Aboriginal community. While my previous work was designed to feature the analysis of graduates' narratives, the doctoral study was undertaken in order to engage further and more actively with Aboriginal ways of knowing. In the current study I share and expand on previous findings, and creatively explore my own and students' experience of cross-cultural dynamics by telling about Aboriginal students' university experience through the resonating and reflexive contextual space of story.

Rationale for the Study

My purpose in this doctoral study was to honour and to engage in Aboriginal ways of knowing, to share what I learned while working in a cross-cultural educational setting in regard to the experience of Aboriginal university students, and to respect the imperative to make this meaningful and accessible in story. In order to investigate the interactions between Euro-Western academic university cultures and the cultural paradigms of students from First Nations backgrounds I have re-examined and expanded on my previous research by exploring these dimensions of experience through the telling of story. In the context of story it was possible to observe and reflect upon cross-cultural experiences and consider how the culture of origin may interplay with Aboriginal students' acquisition of academic success in a Euro-Canadian university setting. Universities in Alberta and across Canada have growing populations of Aboriginal students, and typically centres and services are provided for this diverse student population. Those wanting to be, and those who are students, in addition to the service providers hoping to assist in student adjustment, need to 4 be aware of the stories of graduates and the inter-cultural dynamic inherent within the setting wherein their possibilities and processes for academic success occur. Beyond the service centres existing on campuses, many faculty also instruct Aboriginal students across a complete range of disciplines and often have limited or no knowledge of Aboriginal cultural paradigms or issues, or of how the Aboriginal students in their classes manage their university experience. There exists substantial need to bring awareness and expand understanding about the experiences and processes of First Nations students acquiring Euro-western academic culture, to share the story of their challenges and adjustments with service providers and academics who can offer guidance or support, as well as to encourage the endeavours and aspirations of Aboriginal peoples who seek to pursue post-secondary education.

Aboriginal education in Canada has an abysmal background fraught with abuses from which numbers of post-secondary education issues arise. Residential schools are recognized as having exposed generations of Aboriginal children to physical, emotional and sexual harm and torment. Children were deliberately deprived of their language, family bonds, sense of worth, their cultural heritage and foundations. Cora Weber-Pillwax (2001) states that, " Personal and social problems such as alcohol and drug addictions, physical and sexual abuse, high rates of violence, incarceration, suicide, and low rates of academic success and employment have all been attributed to the residential school experiences of thousands of Indigenous persons" ( p.162).

In addition, industrial and residential schools of bygone years did not prepare Aboriginal students to go on to higher education, so that in order to go beyond grade eight, students had to leave the reserve community and live distances from home in urban centres. Federal regulations prior to the 1950's required a Native person who wanted a post- secondary education to lose their Indian status and the right to be part of their community. As residential schools began to close, during the 1960's, provincial schools were used to enforce integration, and Native children had to contend with the prejudice and stereo-typing of fellow students, instructors and the curriculum. Many found themselves relegated to remedial and non-academic programs (Hampton, 1995). Over several decades, these 5 attempts at integrating Native children into mainstream schools were largely unsuccessful, and there were high drop-out rates when students were confronted by curriculum which ignored them and their culture, described them as 'savages,' or they met with discrimination and low expectations from peers and teachers.

In contemporary times, growing numbers of Aboriginal families have moved to urban areas, and children are attending urban schools where little is known about their culture and where, "the unexamined practice of schooling contributes to the marginalization of these students" (Tompkins, 2002, p.410). As Tompkins further indicates, in spite of the diversity which now exists throughout the country, most Canadians of the dominant group do not know or relate within this diversity, "never intersecting with people who are different from them," and so never interact with those perceived as the other (Ibid p.409). Aboriginal people were virtually entrapped on reserves in our nation's early history and for many decades after they became citizens, they have been marginalized from society and thus, still are 'the other' in the view of many Canadians who have few interactions with the First Peoples of North America.

Despite centuries of efforts to coercively assimilate their people, First Nations retain their resistance and many aspects of their cultural diversity and identity. The history and the cultures of Native peoples are not known by the majority culture which does not understand how often Aboriginal students still struggle within the mainstream education system. Until the latter half of the 1980's and the decade of the 1990's, few Aboriginal people were choosing to pursue post-secondary programmes. High school completion remains a problem with fewer than 23% of Status Indian people achieving grade twelve (Census 2001). In 1967 approximately 200 First Nations people were attending post- secondary institutions in Canada. This number multiplied by 1990 to 60 000 Native people attending a variety of post-secondary institutions including technical and college programmes. However, the completion rate for individuals in university degree programmes is reportedly only 36%, and just 3% of Status Indian peoples hold degrees. Currently 50% of Status Indians are under the age of twenty-five and this is representative of a multiplying population, which based on treaties, has the right to education, and is 6 likely to need access into post-secondary institutions to acquire skills and knowledge in order to function in today's world (Cunningham, 2003).

A number of circumstances continue to impact Aboriginal students who seek a university degree. According to Malatest and Associates (2002), "significant barriers exist with respect to Aboriginal participation in post-secondary education," which include a "legacy of distrust in the Aboriginal community of the education system, lack of preparation for university or college at the secondary level, feelings of social discrimination, isolation and loneliness at post-secondary institutions," being hampered by poverty and an inability to meet financial requirements, the lack of cross-cultural respect and understanding, and family obligations and expectations (p.l). This is but a brief encapsulation of several of the kinds of issues encumbering Aboriginal students wanting to pursue a university education.

In addition, it is important to acknowledge that racism is a critical factor influencing educational success for Aboriginal peoples. "Systemic racism, racist remarks and racist attitudes have a profound affect on academic success" (Minister's National Working Group on Education, 2002, p. 30). In addition, Duran and Duran (1995), point out the long term psychological ramifications of internalized oppression, where despair manifests itself as self-hatred, which expresses itself in Native communities in family dysfunction, high rates of suicide, alcoholism, drug use and domestic violence. These traumas, which Duran and Duran liken to intergenerational post-traumatic stress disorders, are active throughout the Aboriginal community and frequently play a role in the lives of many Native people at all levels of the education system (p.29-31). When the extent of the barriers and socio-economic factors are taken into consideration, the success that some Aboriginal students are achieving at present in post-secondary institutions is commendable. Their success deserves both acknowledgement and celebration. Moreover, the success Aboriginal students are demonstrating in the midst of challenges to their cultural knowledge traditions and paradigms, is a phenomenon which warrants further inquiry. 7

Description of the Inquiry

The study is an interpretive work entailing the use of story for its capacity to describe, explicate, recreate and imagine. Story is understood as integral to Aboriginal ways of knowing and an implicitly valid approach to learning and sharing knowledge (Archibald 2001, Castellano, 2002, Smith, 1999). Story is requisite in telling about the past experiences of Aboriginal university students as they engaged in interactions between Euro-Western academic university cultures and their own cultural paradigms from First Nations backgrounds. In the interpretive process of telling story, I endeavoured to explore these interactions with a view to discovering and revealing whether and in what ways, culture of origin may constrain or empower a student's acquisition of academic success.

Entering university does not signify that a First Nations person ceases to be Aboriginal. Rather, students bring their culture of origin with them when they enter the academic milieu. During the research for my master's thesis, it became apparent that culture and cultural paradigms were ever present factors in student experience at university. As well, throughout my teaching in the Aboriginal community, my students included me in and instructed me about their culture. They shared observations regarding my Euro- Canadian culture from their perspective, and the paradigmatic differences which challenged them. The multitude of student life experiences narrated to me over many years of teaching serve to contextualize, extend and support the insights shared by the graduates during my previous research. The educational and university experiences of my students and my own cross-cultural involvement are the foundation and inspiration for the present inquiry into cultural paradigms and interactions. Hence, this study examining the role of culture of origin in the learning of Aboriginal university students is prompted and predicated upon the narratives of dozens of graduates and is rooted in stories shared with me throughout my teaching career. 8

Inquiring into Cultural Differences

During interviews for my master's thesis, Aboriginal graduates contributed by sharing recollections of the challenges, the sharp edges of experience, upon which they honed their survival skills. Pursuing post-secondary dreams and visions lead to difficult transitions, hardships, and in many instances conflict between cultural traditions and the ways of knowing encountered at the university. Trying to participate in studies on campus, often triggered feelings of loneliness and isolation for the graduates. At times, a critical challenge proved to be self-doubt, while perceptions of stereo-typing and instances of racism also proved daunting. Significantly, Aboriginal graduates reported being challenged by feelings of low self-esteem and confidence, heightened by conflict with the process and world view emphasized at university. For some students this was an intense issue in courses where science and "reductionist" approaches to human behaviour were central. Aboriginal graduates recalled feeling trapped, studying ideas "not relevant to cultural experience." The majority of graduates remembered experiences of dissonance between their culture and the cultural climate and mores of the university. The cultures in which they were raised they regarded as distinctly different in world view and practice while in many ways, university represented a disturbing departure from their cultural communities.

Graduates perceived that encountering the other culture created tension for them, separated them from the ways of their communities, excluded them from discourse, created confusion about beliefs and values and required them to think in a different manner, to be linear and logical. In regard to their programmes, more than one graduate felt great frustration and that, "the whole thing...is in conflict" (Personal Interview, April 22, 2003). As another of the participants remarked about this conflict, "It was certainly different for me to... having to take courses from a professor versus an Elder. I don't really know, the fear I had was to lose my culture... It was my biggest fear..." (Personal Interview, June 23, 2003). The different cultural environment existing in academia, which was felt by all the study participants, often times created a level of discomfort which made university an extremely difficult setting in which to learn and to fit. This situation was yet compounded 9 by other circumstances, sacrifices, financial burdens and personal loss described by the graduates in their reflections on their experience.

The graduates shared compelling narratives regarding events in their lives as university students. While narratives were used in the master's study, the resultant thesis format is nonetheless, an academic document, a qualitative work, which is predominantly of the university culture. Conversations with graduates and numerous students over twenty years of teaching, have made it apparent how much they encountered conflict when working in academic modes. The study reported the challenges, but it also revealingly opened the door to the opportunities for further exploration of cross-cultural dynamics and ways of knowing. The success and change the graduates achieved despite the cross-cultural and personal hardships they faced, also has the potential to affect and encourage others. Their experience is profound in many respects.

As many more Aboriginal people consider post-secondary, the story of those who succeeded informs the journey and helps future students learn about those who accomplished a university education and sets an example of vision, meeting challenges, growth and personal change. Story is understood in the Aboriginal community as a tool for teaching. If story is to teach, it must be told. It must be shared. Only in that way does the community have the opportunity to learn from the story or share in potential benefits. Story is a culturally central mode of First Nations communications and in order to reach out, be accessible beyond academia and influence others effectively, the medium of a story framework is perceived by this researcher as being a culturally respectful and appropriate way of bringing the experiences and endeavours of successful Native students to the community.

The process of success which unfolded from the graduates' stories during my master's research can be viewed as growing out of, or belonging to Aboriginal knowledge and consistent with a holistic, relational and active or process orientation. This frame of thought or paradigm was the basis for insights and a conceptual model appearing in the study. In order to explore Aboriginal story method more fully and actively, this researcher 10 finds it imperative to present understandings in a form which would be accessible to the Aboriginal community and which would be consistent with valued knowledge traditions. The inquiry pursued here is designed to provide the story of success of First Nations students and graduates in a format that allows new students beginning university to follow, employ and become engaged in a similar process throughout their own post-secondary education journey. Likewise, sharing understandings about the interactions of cultures within an academic setting may guide students and educators as they encounter one another in the learning milieu.

Reflective Inquiry and Story

While story has the potential to inform about experience and to evoke understanding from readers, story also provides the imaginative reflective space for the generation of fresh insights and interpretations on the part of this writer. It was found in the previous research that Aboriginal students keenly felt their culture of origin was at odds with Euro-Canadian academic culture. The graduates were aware of the need to acquire knowledge and skills perceived to be outside Aboriginal culture. However, the participants in the study all found ways in which to achieve at university. Students with whom I worked over a twenty year period, both on reserve and in the university setting, strove to accomplish learning expectations set by a different culture than their own. This learning situation gives rise to questions around what was happening in the cross-cultural interactions and how questions of culture may have been resolved. These questions relating to ways of knowing and the inter-cultural dynamic also receive reflective examination and inquiry as part of the study.

In the western scientific paradigm, story is not customarily recognized or utilized as a traditional investigative process. However, in social sciences, philosophy and educational research story is increasingly advanced and understood as inherent in human ways of knowing. Scholars such as Valdes, (1991), Randall (1995) and Van Manen (1997) ascribe great validity and strength to story. In this view, story creates an environment, a space for open inquiry where events, lived experience and human activity can be reflected upon. 11

Story provides a viable context in which Aboriginal students' cross-cultural experience can be interpreted and acts as catalyst for productive thought and insights (Valdes, 1991, p.125). Story engages the literary and aesthetic dimensions of human nature, both the imperative and the possibilities of the poetics of learning (Randall, 1995, p.5). The storytelling process lends itself to reminiscence and reflection, where there is "...value in the exercise of becoming aware of, sifting through, and trying to integrate" ideas and possible interpretations, "that rumble around inside us" (Ibid, p.26).

Reflection prompted by story can extend inquiry into lived experience and support a process of active thinking where links and relationships may be explored in order to create meaning and understanding. As Randall asserts, past experience has power in what we learn. In the phenomenological hermeneutical or storying process of constructing and reconstructing our world, critical reflection and reinterpretation of experience are integral to learning (Randall, 1995, p.6). Van Manen indicates that "the purpose of phenomenological reflection is to try to grasp the essential meaning of something" (p. 77). Through reflection, he believes it is possible to arrive at greater "determination and explication of phenomenon ...to effect contact with experience" and thus achieve pedagogical insights (Ibid p.77-78). Van Manen notes that reflection is conducive to hermeneutic thematic analysis but, as well, it is key in literature when the development of themes may appear as thesis or message incorporated in creative work (Ibid, p78). Interpretation is part of the reflective function which van Manen regards as ".. .a process of insightful invention, discovery or disclosure.. .and a free act of seeing meaning" (Ibid, p.79). He also describes phenomenological reflection as the framework for "poetic textual practice" (ibid, p.125). The activity of reflection and interpretation requires engagement in a process of writing to "fix thought on paper" which in turn provides yet more space to adopt a ".. .reflective cognitive stance" (Ibid). Van Manen posits that,

Writing involves a textual reflection in the sense of separating and confronting ourselves with what we know, distancing ourselves from the lifeworld, decontextualizing our thoughtful preoccupations from immediate action, abstracting and objectifying our live's understandings from our concrete involvements... and all this for the sake of reuniting us with what 12

we know, drawing us more closely to living relations and situations of the lifeworld, turning thought to a more tactful praxis, and concretizing and subjectifying our deepened understanding in practical action. ...In writing the author puts in symbolic form what he or she is capable of seeing (Ibid, p.129-30).

In this view, reflection, interpretation and writing are intrinsically linked. The actions of remembering, applying thought productively, expressing ideas through language and writing necessitate reflexivity in order that possibilities may be considered, while insights and understandings may be realized and conveyed. In this inquiry regarding the cross-cultural and paradigmatic experiences of Aboriginal students attending university, a process of responsive reflection and the 'poetical textual practice' which is writing were employed in order to open the space for creative insights and interpretations. Through writing about inter-cultural dynamics and engaging in the cross-cultural medium of story, "a gathering of the kinds of understanding that belong to being" was made possible (Ibid, p.132).

Study Objectives

Four main objectives gave direction to the study while simultaneously providing capacity for creative exploration. The established objectives were the following:

1. To tell story that resonates with First Nations voices and ways of knowing.

2. To explore and share through the medium of story my understanding of the cross-cultural experience of First Nations university students

3. To evoke a better understanding of the journey of learning for First Nations university students, in a manner that is accessible to prospective or new Aboriginal students, educators and institutions.

4. To devise creative space for active reflection on the interactions between Euro- 13

Canadian academic and Aboriginal cultural paradigms, in order to interpretively consider how culture of origin may have an impact on students' acquisition of academic success.

Background to the Study

Historically, Aboriginal peoples in Canada became outcasts from mainstream society. This marginalization of First Nations is perpetuated in the present since it is deeply rooted in the dynamics of colonialism which established the dominance and control of Europeans, politically, demographically, economically and socially. Aboriginal peoples have found themselves on the outside struggling for survival in a world constructed so that they were and are deprived by legislation, such as the Indian Act, of basic rights and freedoms, of access to land and resources, and from inclusion in social activities and discourse. Consistent with other colonial practices, Aboriginal people were also excluded from choice in the matters of participation in, format and delivery of education. As a result, Aboriginal youth in the past frequently resisted and seldom sought to pursue education on their own volition. The representation of Aboriginal students completing high school and going on to post-secondary until the decade of the 1990's was consistently negligible. The University of Calgary can be viewed as an illustration of national trends and events in regard to the admission and graduation of Aboriginal students over the latter part of the twentieth century and the early part of the twenty-first century.

In 1971 a single Aboriginal student graduated from the University of Calgary. In 1972, Indian Student Services was formed to address the needs of a group of twenty-five students, who were recruited to the University by Indian and Northern Affairs Canada. The students were encouraged to enter University of Calgary in a programme funded by Indian and Northern Affairs, but run co-operatively with faculty at University of Calgary. Over the next decade (1972-1982), students who were in this initial group, a few in Outreach Programmes and others each year coming to campus, took on the challenges of University. But, annual enrolment of Native students was not high, many who started university abandoned the dream, and graduation rates remained low. Graduation records kept by 14

Indian Student Services in the decade of the 1970's, indicate that frequently, only three or four students might graduate in a year, and in some years there were no graduates at all. By the end of that decade, Indian Student Services had become The Native Centre, providing services for students, but also conducting research and developing curriculum in co­ operation with Native communities in Alberta. However, student enrolment did not increase substantially on campus and the number of graduates continued to average less than ten per year.

In the 1984-85 academic year a new programme was initiated at The Native Centre for newly recruited Aboriginal students. The Transition Year Programme was instituted to provide more comprehensive support, skills instruction and tutorial guidance to another group of twenty-five students, this time from across western Canada. Even with the redesigned approach, and an affiliated programme for another fifteen students at Maskwachees Cultural College at Hobbema, success at university appeared elusive for the majority of students who entered university studies that year and in subsequent years. This writer was an instructor who worked in both the Transition Year Programme during the first year of operation at The Native Centre, and later at Maskwachees Cultural College for a further five years.

Transition Year Programming (TYP) was run at The Native Centre until operation ceased in 1990, when Federal funding for the programme ended. Transition or University Preparation continued in an independent and revised programme at Maskwachees Cultural College until it also lost funding in the mid 1990's. Subsequently, however in response to community needs, First Nation's funding for the (TYP) programme was resumed in the year 2000. Other post-secondary Colleges and Universities in various parts of Canada adopted similar support programmes, which attract numbers of Aboriginal students. (For example: University of Alberta, Mount Royal, University of Manitoba, University of Toronto). After a prolonged search for funding and support, The Native Centre at University of Calgary has re-introduced Transition Year Programming in 2009-10. Despite the lack of Transition Year programming at University of Calgary for almost two decades, Aboriginal student enrolment at the University since 1992 has increased and annually 15 surpasses the numbers of new students who attended during the two preceding decades. Typically, forty to fifty Aboriginal students were being admitted each year (1996-2005) to main campus courses of study. Correspondingly, in the latter part of the 1990's and from 2000-2004, the average number of graduates was frequently forty or more. In recent years, off-campus programming offered by the Faculty of Social Work at colleges across Alberta and on-reserves has exponentially increased the numbers of graduating Aboriginal students.

Admission and graduation rates have continued to rise, so more than sixty Aboriginal students graduated annually in the past five years. In 2010 over a hundred Aboriginal students graduated from University of Calgary. These numbers indicate a substantial change in the post-secondary successes of Aboriginal students who attend and complete degrees at this University. Increasingly, Aboriginal graduates have completed multiple degrees as well as professional programmes such as medicine, law or education, and more are now also going on to master's and doctoral degrees. This is a contemporary phenomenon since, until this recent significant growth, little representation existed in academe of Aboriginal knowledges, perspectives or voice. In the past, academic attention has most often featured Aboriginal peoples as exotic anthropological topics of examination, or social and psychological misfits requiring the application of externally conceived theoretical assumptions to manage the symptoms of a variety of community crises most often perceived as 'the Native problem.' Typically, whether it was government, church or academic and educational agency, Euro-western approaches have evinced little sensitivity, respect or understanding in regard to Aboriginal people and cultures.

Rather gradually over the past two decades, a small number of academics have had better opportunities to engage in discourse (such as research, teaching or involvement in community programme initiatives), with Aboriginal students, leaders and elders. The Royal Commission on Aboriginal People (1995-6) and its multi-part publications, is one example of increased opportunity for academics among others, to learn about knowledge and perspectives which were not previously readily accessible. My own experience teaching on reserve in a community based university programme and at The Native Centre at University of Calgary is yet another example of how some of us from Euro-Canadian backgrounds 16 have had the chance to learn about Aboriginal cultures and issues. In addition, as more Aboriginal people have chosen to pursue academics and to speak and write about their culture, there is an improved chance for those of us from different cultural backgrounds to encounter Aboriginal knowledge and perspectives, and potentially to learn more. Concomitantly, there is contemporarily a rift in the 'iron curtain' which the mainstream had erected to keep Aboriginal people out, and which incapacitated the pathways to communication or understanding.

Since the Royal Commission, the court cases and increased public awareness about residential schools, and the most recent (2008) Federal government apology regarding assimilationist policy, the abusive treatment of Aboriginal children in residential schools and the tragic community outcomes, Aboriginal people are beginning to make themselves heard, while the mainstream seems more willing to be engaged in listening. Although, the situation politically, economically, socially, and perhaps educationally might optimistically be regarded as improving for Aboriginal peoples, there remains vast space for further and enhanced opportunities to promote cross-cultural communication and better understanding. Cross-cultural understanding can be enriched through continuing, wide reaching spoken and written discourse. In the present, both mainstream academics and Aboriginal scholars are addressing topics as varied as Aboriginal science and epistemology, Aboriginal postcolonial psychology, or Aboriginal education and history. Among the earliest and long lasting Aboriginal endeavours to communicate has been the sharing of culture by means of stories told, traditional myths, legends, songs or poetry. Some of these stories retained for hundreds, perhaps thousands of years by oral traditions have also been written down so that non-Aboriginal people could experience them. Contemporarily, story culture flourishes among many Native writers in Canada and is featured by Aboriginal academic writers as a critical element in their cultures and epistemology (Archibald, 1995, Castellano, 2002).

Within Aboriginal cultures, storytelling has played, and still plays an integral and fundamental role. Storytelling is understood by this writer as the most culturally appropriate vehicle for telling about the experience and sharing the success of Aboriginal graduates and contexting knowledge. The process of colonization in many ways effectually 17 deprived Aboriginal people of the opportunity to tell their stories, and to be heard by the larger society. While historically efforts were made to submerge or drown out the voices of Native peoples in North America, in the early years of the 21st century, the status quo is changing and it is timely for First Nations ways of knowing, voices and stories to be integrated into discourse.

In his "Oral Cultural" presentation at the World Indigenous Peoples Conference on Education 2002, Peter Wesley, University of Calgary graduate and member of the Nakoda community indicated,

We are a storytelling people who believe storytelling is a sacred event. It is a Special time of sharing, teaching and learning. Storytelling is a means by which to relate experiences, events and particular happenings. Morals, values and beliefs may be incorporated. Stories are generally told in a long, roundabout way. Often there are no endings (Wesley, Conference Presentation, August 8, 2002).

Wesley tells how central storytelling is to his cultural community, but also speaks about the importance of storytelling as an educational endeavour, instructive in learning, and deriving meaning which contributes to the understanding of one's environment, both physical and social. Story makes it possible to uncover learning and meaning concerning the experience of Aboriginal students in university in a compelling cultural context so that understandings about their success at university, and interpretations regarding cross- cultural dynamics, can be shared with new students, with support services staff, educators and the Aboriginal community. It is fundamental to this study that the stories shared reveal the empowerment of First Nations post-secondary students. As Akan (1999) has indicated in her writing about the 'good talks' which were part of her Saulteaux education taught by her elders, learning brings with it the responsibility for teaching and the carrying forward of knowledge and messages (p.32). In navigating the academic culture of the university, Aboriginal students and graduates experienced and learned about working cross-culturally. An exploration and elucidation of this process through story is both culturally appropriate and carries forward the message, making the learning accessible to others. 18

Method of Inquiry

Story was essence, purpose and method in the inquiry. Stories recollected and shared throughout my teaching career of twenty years in the Aboriginal student community inspired the study and informed it. Story was incorporated to provide the creative space to probe these recollections and experiences, to foster productive reflection and to illuminate viable interpretations. Story was employed in order to extend learning through the process of transcending the concrete into other ways of knowing and allowing both writer and reader to derive meaning and understanding. Story is embraced as a means to encourage cross-cultural "intellectual adventures" (Balslev, 1999, p.20). Story is understood as critical when exploring Aboriginal cultural paradigms, and also as inherent to the process of contexting knowledge and sharing Aboriginal student university experiences within that cultural paradigm. In order to create an understanding of the world of Aboriginal university students and the world of their cross-cultural interactions, story takes precedence as the way of knowing demanded by and suited to the task.

Telling stories as a way of knowing is a strategy regarded in Aboriginal cultural traditions as a valid and trusted method of documentation. As Aboriginal educator Laura Auger (1999) indicates, story has essential significance within and is fundamental to the operations of Native cultures (p.16). According to Grant (1990), in Aboriginal communities, stories tracked events, shared experiences explained the unexplainable and kept the history of the people. Aboriginal story may be myth, or legend or recollection of lived experience. Circumstances prompted the telling of kinds of stories, but genre lines were not at all strict and storytellers could and did personalize and differently animate the stories handed down across generations. Castellano (2002), also describes story as central in knowledge development and sharing systems of Aboriginal peoples and states that, "Traditionally, stories were the primary medium used to convey Aboriginal knowledge."

All that I have learned about story and the responsibility of passing knowledge on during my years immersed in First Nations cultures guides me to conclude the importance of undertaking this inquiry in which I appropriate in some measure - include what I have 19 learned, values, understandings and epistemology - in my work. Through learning, and Haig-Brown (2010), would term this "deep learning," resulting from knowledge acquired by means of instruction and engagement in a cross-cultural process of interactions with another people, I have become acculturated to the world view of my First Nations students. While she points out the ongoing questions surrounding appropriation, and the need to wrestle with them, Haig-Brown indicates that through immersion, the acquisition of understanding, may situate an individual inside a culture and the perspectives, attitudes and world view so that they can apply them to accomplish or express a purpose and participate in discourse. To teach the lessons regarding the success of First Nations students it is important to connect with and activate story as it is understood in Aboriginal cultures.

Castellano (2002) points out the teaching capacity of stories of personal experience in First Nations traditions, as well as the roles reflection and interpretation play in the sharing of stories. As noted by Jo-anne Archibald, Director of First Nations House of Learning at University of British Columbia, story is inherent in Aboriginal ways of knowing, and "stories engage us as listeners and learners to think deeply and to reflect .. .the engagement of story, storyteller, and listener" creates, "a synergy for making meaning through the story and making one work to obtain meaning and understanding" (p.l). In her book Decolonizing Methodologies, Linda Tuhiwai Smith identifies story as integral to all of Indigenous research, characterizing story as powerful and a viable method of connecting the past and the future, representing both diversity and truth, it is egalitarian in allowing some measure of control for both story-teller and listener/researcher, and promotes the sharing of "understandings and histories" (p.145). Smith also describes a variety of projects consistent with Indigenous research whose goals she asserts, must contribute to the survival and struggle for self-determination of Indigenous communities the world over.

According to Smith some highlights of the functions of Indigenous research including story-telling are celebrating survival, remembering, connecting, envisioning, restoring, creating, discovering and sharing (p.144-160). The telling of story concerning the experience of university by Native students who accomplished academic success has the 20 potential to address many of these characteristics integral to Indigenous research which seeks to contribute to and honour the voice of colonized peoples who have previously had their humanity denied. The voices of First Nations peoples in Canada have indeed been suppressed by the mainstream, and have not yet been fully recovered. It is fundamental to this study that Aboriginal university students' stories be made accessible, and that the experience of success by the graduates be revealed as potentially empowering to future First Nations post-secondary students. Through the telling of story it is possible to connect with the models and functions of Indigenous research as described by Smith, by sharing the remembrances of score of graduates and students, connecting with the culture, celebrating the survival of Aboriginal peoples, creating insights and envisioning discoveries and changes.

As First Nations scholar Cajete (1994), observes, "Humans are storytelling animals. Story is a primary structure through which humans think, relate, and communicate. We make stories, tell stories and live stories because it is such an integral part of being human" (p.117). Thus while storytelling is a respectful way of connecting with Aboriginal culture, it is important to note that story is a universal. Cultural traditions regarding story may vary, however since it is a universal human activity, ergo, it is found within Euro-western paradigms. Story appears within academic paradigms as well, where it has been the subject for discourse since the time of Aristotle and it continues to be studied in the present (Gratton & Manoussakis, 2007, Kearney, 2002, Rorty,1999). In contemporary Euro- western thought, story is perceived to be central human activity. According to Kearney, "Every human existence is a life in search of a narrative" (p.129). He points out the intrinsic story elements that set the stage for us all, that we are born, experience life, but are destined to die. Thus, in relation to our own lives, our memories and our future, we are engaged in on-going interpretation of the world, our lived experience, and interactions with others. In this view, telling the story of university graduates' success and the exploration of the interactions between cultural paradigms represents an opportunity that is also within the Euro-western tradition to actively and purposively engage in interpreting lived experience anew. 21

In Euro-Canadian academic paradigms, story can be found increasingly across a number of disciplines including education, anthropology, sociology, the humanities, women's studies and notably contemporary mainstream social history (Lukacs, 1994, Ritchie, 1995, Thompson, 1988). The proposed study represents an opportunity to contribute to education literature and for sharing some of the social history of Aboriginal peoples. The achievement against many social, economic, political, and paradigmatic obstacles of Aboriginal students in the university setting is the focus of the story; it is not only or purely Aboriginal social history. The context for these events is an academic setting in Canada. Past policies and practices such as residential schools are part of our joint Canadian history and relate to all Canadians (whether we are aware and knowledgeable or not), especially now as society as a whole is moving towards reconciliation. Events and circumstances that impact Aboriginal peoples in Canada, reciprocally, shape our history and wellbeing as a society (Fontaine, 2004, MacDonald 2004). Increased inclusion and communication means finding ways to connect with and relate to Aboriginal peoples, to celebrate successes such as those of university graduates, and to celebrate Aboriginal cultures. The story method provides a fundamentally human way of communicating and connecting. Its universality makes story a profoundly cross-cultural methodology.

As Rorty (1999) posits, "To get a meeting going between people from two traditions more than presence is required. A lot of imagination is required also.and it is in story that this imaginative activity can be exercized (p.69). As Balslev describes it, this is the space for "intellectual adventures" where imagination can aspire to "transcultural interpretive strategies" and where "multi-layered narrative...," may "confront the subtleties and complexities of the cross-cultural encounter"(p.l3). Approaches such as story, in Balslev's view, "allow reinterpretation beyond traditions and previously achieved self- understanding" (p.18). He asserts the need for "new interpretative strategies" in the way cultures are studied, and he suggests that "authentic cross-cultural study...will most likely, shake the existing frames of disciplines"(p.50). Rorty too advocates looking beyond conventional academic approaches in order to tap the wealth of story in the exploration and explication of human experience, and in order to build bridges between cultures. He points 22 to story for its capacity to encourage the exchange of ideas, perspectives and through the process of imaginative identification, to enhance cross-cultural understanding (p.120).

Conclusion

During the process of this cross-cultural inquiry, it was intended that story telling method be employed to give expression to the experience of Aboriginal students in postsecondary, and to create a context for the exploration of Aboriginal and Euro-Canadian ways of knowing. The inquiry, including extensive review and reflection on my teaching career supported by insights gleaned during master's study, identified central and pivotal circumstances and events which contributed to thematic development regarding the pathways to success of Aboriginal students and their experience of cultural interactions in university. The development of fictional stories encompassed recollections of lived experiences as well as the imaginative recreation and description of settings, people and events which would resonate with the power and empowerment of Aboriginal students.

The dissertation inquiry was directed at the imaginative illustration of experiences and interactions productive of discoveries regarding how students from First Nations cultures of origin engage in the university learning process. Story was devised and configured in order to connect with Aboriginal cultures, the many ways of telling story and strong lyrical traditions. Additionally, the stories highlight Aboriginal students' perspectives about cultural interactions and their achievements as well as their pathways to success. A discussion regarding story development can be found in Chapter Two, appearing prior to the chapter's conclusion. There I explain elements of the process of writing stories and interpreting First Nations students' university experience. Following Chapter Two, the inquiry adopts storytelling method. As story was created, it was possible to develop and document themes surrounding the journey of Aboriginal students learning in a Euro- Canadian university. The exploration engaged the writer in the reflective and interpretive process, where insights about the educational journey and cultural paradigms could flourish, and discovery, and disclosure could "deepen understanding" (van Manen, p.78). 23

Chapter 2

Traditions. Teachings and Transformations in First Nations Stories.

"...You can't understand the world without telling a story. There isn't any centre to the world but a story." King, (2003)

Thomas King uses the above words to evoke the understanding that story is at the heart of First Nations' ways of knowing in North America. In his insightful book The Truth About Stories, King elegantly tells a story about story as it resonates with the 'being' and humanity of First Nations life and culture. In a wonderfully conceived synthesis King deftly intertwines tales about story rather like he was weaving multi-coloured threads into the most durable but finest fabric. He shows that story is the essential fabric of First Nations cultures. While King's splendid illustration of story is unique, he is not alone in his conception of the essential and multiple roles of story within Native cultures. First Nations people are attuned to the presence of stories in their lives. Researchers who want their findings to be relevant to First Nations or educators who truly wish to understand Native cultures and seek to find ways to tap into the ways of knowing, teaching and learning of the first peoples of North America can begin by apprehending the effulgence of story. Stories are cherished and celebrated throughout First Nations' cultures, and stories are understood to have inextricable connections to traditional ways of knowing.

Stories and Aboriginal World View

Story is advanced by First Nations writers, scholars and researchers as the vital core of culture, world view, traditional thought and communication. First Nations educator Laura Auger indicates that, "A live world view is founded upon the ancient tradition of transmitting the philosophical framework through story" (p.16). Although in specific rituals and practices First Nations in the pre-European contact period may have differed, as North American tribal societies they held and lived by a tradition of "deep, strong, moral, spiritual 24 vision and understanding" of the world and the cosmos as a living and sacred thing. Understandings involved the realization of the cycle or circle of life which generated further insights regarding "inclusiveness, balance and harmony" and fundamental ideas surrounding notions of "holism, personalism," and "relationality" (Couture, 1991, p.207). In addition, this live world view engendered beliefs about "the centrality of the land" the "oneness of all reality" and acceptance of the unknowable (Ibid). Cajete (1994), describes the basic perception shared by most Native communities that "Nature is the true ground of spirituality" and that the understandings regarding sacred knowledge include:

...that a universal energy infuses everything in the cosmos and expresses itself through a multitude of manifestations... recognition that all life has power that is wondrous and full of spirit.. .This is the ...Great Mystery .. .Great Dream that cannot be explained or understood with the intellect, but can be perceived only by the spirit of each person., .that all things and all thoughts are related through spirit (p.44).

These understandings which inform and shape the world view of First Nations cultural communities are stored and carried forth from one generation to the next in story. As Cajete adds, "Through story, humor and ritual, people 'remember to remember' who they are, where they come from, and the spirit they share with all of creation" (Ibid, p.45). Stories instill a shared understanding and create the cultural context from which the people view the world and conduct their lives. While story is the "centre to the world" in King's own story, it is not a term which he endeavours to explicitly define. In order to be respectful of First Nations perspectives, no definition is asserted here. Over the course of twenty years of teaching among and learning from Aboriginal students the experience I have acquired strongly supports the understanding that the specific definition of terms is often viewed by First Nations individuals as typical of Euro-Canadian ways of knowing. First Nations cultures are framed by a perceptual approach that looks for shared elements, dynamic relationships, context and implicit connections, rather than separations and static categories or confinements, exclusions and determinations found in the explicit terminology demanded by Euro-Canadian academic culture. 25

Grant (1990), a scholar preparing an anthology of Native prose, does categorize several approaches to story including for example mythology, legends, memoirs and autobiography, as well as songs and poems. Her designations are in keeping with academic perceptions of different kinds of story and enable those newly encountering First Nations' story traditions to identify and interact through familiar genres. However, in the main, stories in First Nations' traditions may more often be regarded as a sacred communication process with broad applications; stories can and do cross genre lines and arise to fit with a season, perhaps a ceremony, a suitable time or place. The spirit of the story is of significance, more than the category of the story. Thus, by not offering a particular definition of story, King exercizes traditional conventions.

In order to be similarly respectful of First Nations' ways of knowing, but to hopefully provide a foundation for relating to a First Nations' understanding of story, I invite the reader to appreciate the potential in a view wherein stories in addition to songs and poetry are not fixed, but alive, active, and changing. For the purposes of this discussion regarding First Nations' ways of knowing, it is important to reflect that within a live world view and holistic vision where mythopoetic traditions have the character of inclusiveness, there can be many kinds of stories originating from a diversity of sources. In the latter portions of my dissertation, I endeavour to apply these approaches to story and song. As well, a live world perspective carries the understanding that stories engage with the spirit of each individual at the time of encounter, and stories themselves have spirit and power.

The world view of First Nations communities is most evident in the tales told regarding the origins of the world and the people. These stories establish how the world was formed and the relationships which emerged. A brief example from the Blackfoot tradition recorded in 1908 by Wissler & Duval in Mythology of the Blackfoot Indians, describes how the mythic figure of the "Old Man" enlists fellow creatures and instigates the world: During the flood, Old Man was sitting on the highest mountain with all the beasts. The flood was caused by the above people, because the baby (a fungus), of the woman who married a star was heedlessly torn in pieces by an Indian child. Old Man sent the Otter down to get some earth. For a long time he waited, then 26

the Otter came up dead. Old Man examined its feet, but found nothing on them. Next he sent Beaver down, but after a long time he also came up drowned. Again nothing was found on his feet. He sent Muskrat to dive next. Muskrat also was drowned. At length he sent the Duck. It was drowned, but in its paw held some earth. Old Man saw it, put it in his hand, feigned putting it on the water three times, and at last dropped it. Then the above-people sent rain, and everything grew on the earth (p.19).

There are assumptions made in the story about entities and creatures pre-existing the origins of humanity, and the story in further installments depicts the involvement of these creatures as well as the creative but mischievous hand of the Old Man, and the contributing role of the cosmos. Between humans and the animals who sacrifice themselves in order to create a world where people can live, a foundational relationship is established. Old Man goes on to configure languages and then with the mediation of Old Woman another assumed being in subsequent portions of the story, settles in balanced fashion how the world will be ordered, the appearance of humans, how men and women would marry and how they would "die forever" rather than just for a time. The stories set out the need for balance and for respect of Nature since it is essential in the formation of the world, human arrangements, relationships and the causes for life as it is experienced by the people.

Stories and Elders

Kirkness (1998), writes that Elders are regarded in First Nations as those who "possess the wisdom and knowledge that must be the focus of all our learning. It is through them that we can understand our unique relationship to the creator, our connection with nature, the order of things, and the values that enhance the identity of our people" (p.13). Elders are the keepers of the stories, those who exemplify the oral traditions in the acquisition and use of the language. It is the relationship with and responsibility for stories and wisdom, the spirit of the 'Wind,' which gives rise to the reverence and respect Elders receive in First Nations communities. Elders know the stories that are the spirit of the people, and carry the world view and knowledge which create the culture and secure the well being of the community. Elders have power in the sharing of their knowledge and 27 understand that the stories they tell have value. Stories, according to Wesley (2002) are the "sacred intellectual property" of the Elders or Storytellers who are the "Keepers of Legends." Some stories may be told to the whole community while others may be reserved for apprentices. But, stories are told in recognition of the spirit they contain. Cajete states that, Elders "often remind young people to live the myths by saying, 'These stories, this language, these ways, and this land are the only valuables we can give you - but life is in them for those who know how to ask and how to learn'" (p.41).

Couture (1991), indicates that traditional or true Elders are rare in modern times but that they have a crucial role both formerly and in contemporary times for their insight into a "creative power beyond rationality" and their view of man's relationship to the cosmos, as "oral historians, guardians of the secrets...and way showers to the people"(p.202). In his view, Elders are the holders of the keys to knowledge and culture, and are the master communicators of tested wisdom by means of story. Likewise, Elders are central figures in First Nations communities as teachers of the ways of the people, as resources for story and knowledge. Marker (2004), asserts that "the sacred local nature of traditional understandings," places," Elders and stories as the centerpiece of learning" (p. 102). Castellano (2002), shares this perception and reports the major responsibility of Elders as teachers and maintainers of traditional knowledge created in the natural environment. In her view, traditional First Nations knowledge "tells" of creation, social origins such as "clans or relations with spirits; records genealogy, boundaries, memorializes treaties," and teaches, "attitudes...through tales both heroic and cautionary...reinforces values, beliefs, a civil society," and passes on technology refined over generations (p.23). Elders, who keep alive stories and the oral tradition are integral to the passing on of knowledge from one generation to the next. Storytelling is an active force in the collection and dissemination of Elder's traditional knowledge. As Castellano indicates, story was an integral part of knowledge development and sharing systems of Aboriginal peoples since it served as a primary communications medium:

Stories inform and entertain; they hold up models of behaviour; and they sound warnings... they record history of a people. They teach without being intrusive, because the listener can 28

ignore the oblique instruction or apply it to the degree he or she is ready to accept, without offence. Stories of personal experience can be understood either as reminiscences or as metaphors to guide moral choice and self examination (p.31).

Here, Castellano asserts the teaching potential of stories of personal experience, the role of stories in preserving history but also for the capacity of interpretation and guidance in the sharing of stories. The involvement of Elders in traditional First Nations teaching was achieved through interpersonal communications and interactions bound by the understanding that "Oral teachings are necessarily passed on in the context of relationship" and are founded "on the shared experience of a common environment" (p.27). In the interactive relationship, although teaching through story is regarded as facilitative rather than prescriptive, Elders could in the practice of the oral tradition adjust their teaching and endeavour to ensure proper respect for the knowledge (Ibid). Story was regarded as a living thing, kept alive in the process of teaching and in the relationship of teacher and learner. Elders teaching through story are aware that knowledge needs to be valued and be used well.

Stories and Knowledge Creation

According to Castellano the knowledge systems of First Nations included empirical and revealed knowledge. Empirical knowledge is created in the context of the ecosystem and is generated from "observations by many persons over extended time periods," so that "This information processing forms a constant loop in which new information is interpreted in the context of existing information, and revisions to the state of knowledge concerning a particular phenomenon are made when necessary" (p.23). This is in contrast to a western approach "based on quantitative analysis of repeated observations in a controlled setting." First Nations' empirical knowledge entails a "convergence of perspectives from different vantage points accumulated over time." The sharing of stories in the oral tradition leads to knowledge with great validity and wisdom (p.24).

Revealed knowledge is "acquired through dreams, visions and intuitions that are understood to be spiritual in origin" (Ibid). These activities may be accompanied by fasting 29 or ceremony, and are embarked upon with purpose. Vision quests which might once have marked transitions to "adult roles and responsibilities," contemporarily may be sought out by adults who are in the process of self-discovery and re-affirmation of identity. Visions and dreams are understood to be gifts, to offer counsel and guidance on a personal or more general level, and the revealed knowledge is understood to have spiritual power and tremendous value (Ibid). Dreams materialize as story, and both the dreams and the interpretations can carry great weight. One such story is that of a Crow nation child, Plenty- Coups who as a nine year old on a vision quest was visited by a dream in which a buffalo man-person shows him the buffalo pouring up from the ground and being lost in all directions, while new spotted animals very different from the buffalo emerge and cover the ground. As well, the boy is shown forests which all disappear except for a single tree in which a chickadee lodges. The buffalo man-person in his dream tells Plenty-Coups:

Listen Plenty-Coups.. .in that tree is the lodge of the Chickadee. He is least in strength but strongest of mind among his kind. He is willing to work for wisdom. The chickadee-person is a good listener. Nothing escapes his ears, which he has sharpened by constant use. Whenever others are talking together of their successes and failures, there you will find the chickadee-person listening to their words. He....never misses a chance to learn from others. He gains successes and avoids failure by learning how others succeeded or failed, and without great trouble to himself.. ..Only one lodge is left unharmed, the lodge of the chickadee-person. . ..It is the mind that leads a man to power (Lear, 2006, p.71-72)

Plenty-Coups' dream was recounted to his community and the Elders interpreted the messages to mean that the buffalo were going away forever and would be replaced by white men's cattle. The chickadee warned that the Crow people should avoid the disaster of other tribes who were eradicated, by not fighting against the white man, and to listen and learn from others (Ibid. p.73). The story of the dream and its interpretation has been known among the Crow since before the mid-nineteenth century at a time when the Crow had had little contact with Europeans. The story became a major guide for the tribe in their interactions with white men and for their orientation towards change and hope despite the realization that their way of life would be devastated (Ibid). Revealed knowledge and the 30 accompanying stories serve as dynamic agencies in First Nations' cultural heritage. The creation, interpretation and the transmission of this type of knowledge are story processes intrinsically linked with First Nations' ways of knowing.

Castellano indicates that "Aboriginal knowledge is said to be personal, oral, experiential, holistic, and conveyed in narrative or metaphorical language." While Aboriginal knowledge values "personal experience and lays no claim to universality," it is understood that, "The degree to which you can trust what is being said is tied up with the integrity and perceptiveness of the speaker" (p.25-26). Knowledge is collected and added to through the oral tradition, but the observations of an individual may "not necessarily be accepted uncritically, nor would they be contradicted or dismissed. Rather, they would be put "in context," since, the notion of personal knowledge means that differing "perceptions can be accepted as valid because they are unique to the person" (p.26). Story plays an active role in personal perception and interpretation, while the oral tradition is formative in the development of socially accepted wisdom. Knowledge in the oral tradition becomes validated as wisdom through "collective analysis and consensus building" as people "put their minds together" and through the sharing of story and metaphor create knowledge (Ibid, p.26).

The experiential nature of First Nations' knowledge contributes to both empirical and revealed knowledge, and underlies and emphasizes the personal and subjective quality of understanding. The spiritual roots of First Nations' culture also inspire an inward looking and qualitative approach to inquiry into and learning about the world. Couture (1991), considers that the reflective and interpretive processes are key in experiential learning, so that the Native person seeks to enter, "deeply into the inner being of the mind" and is positioned "...in 'communion' with the living reality of all things. His 'communion' is his experience of the ideas within, concentric with reality without" (p. 61). Through experience with nature, taking an inward journey in order to "understand the reality of existence and harmony with the environment," and guided by "openness to intuitive and spiritual insights" supported by ceremony, First Nations people create interpretations and understandings which are conveyed by story (p.29). 31

Story and knowledge connect in profound ways in First Nations culture. Knowledge evolves from personal and shared observations, insights and understandings; it is kept and transmitted by means of story and given life when shared so that knowledge and life lessons are discovered anew by each generation. Cajete (1994) maintains that "Indigenous education ...invites empowerment and cultivation of a creative life of learning. The images and symbols brought to life through myth at the personal and group levels, provide impetus for this creative life of learning" (p. 118). Wesley (2002) as quoted in Chapter One, asserts how central storytelling is to his community and speaks of storytelling as an educational endeavour. He maintains that teaching and learning revolve around storytelling in First Nations culture. In addition to knowledge about the natural world or spiritual vision, stories can impart lessons about social values and behaviour that are important in living a good life.

Stories and Tricksters

Grant (1990) describes traditional stories or myths as vehicles for First Nations "beliefs or moral insights" and indicates that they too "arise from dreams and visions," are "sacred, spiritual expressions treated with the utmost respect" (p.2). These stories and legends aimed at learning, frequently involve a trickster figure known in a variety of cultures as Old Man, Napi, Coyote, Wisakidjak (Wesakachak, Wee-sa-kay-jac, multiple spellings exist), Raven or Nanabush. Johnston(1990), Ortiz (1990), Vizenor (1990) and King (2003) share with many First Nations writers and story tellers the perception of trickster as an archetype with creative power. Johnston points out their capacity to assume any form, "even a puff of wind" and display the characteristics whether of generosity or weakness, of whatever they have become. Vizenor identifies the trickster as a source of "contradictions, compassion and comic worldview, human imagination, and spiritual connections" which "leads to a healthy world view" (p.165). Vizenor resists vigorously the academic and especially the anthropologists' drive to 'fix' or define tricksters as cultural symbols. He values tricksters for their in-definability, and their relationship to humour, chance and play for their own sake. However, he does observe that trickster "can be asocial 32 or amoral but compassionate...it's a compassionate act; he disrupts, makes people very uncomfortable, unhappy, may even threaten them, but he never maintains an army, he never has established a university" (pl63). In addition, Vizenor describes the trickster figure as "a spiritual, imaginative act...tricksters are," and trickster is a "survivor" (Ibid).

Ortiz also views tricksters as survivors. He likens the trickster archetype to the fox in Aesop's fables, a creature that is "changeable, identifiable, shrewd, funny, at times a fool, too smart for his own good." He notes as well that in the traditions of the Northwest, tricksters are shapers and makers with wit, intelligence, creativity, able to overcome the odds, and set examples. Tricksters often "help people realize something...about themselves perhaps." In his own stories, Ortiz believes coyote behaviour can represent human struggle against "what will overcome you" and "resistance in the struggle against colonialism" (106).

Grant notes that tricksters continue to thrive and modern writers frequently craft legends that include tricksters. She suggests that the present day tricksters "develop in human society and reflect cultural settings, occupations, and interests of contemporary people and incorporate activities involving this technological age"(p.41). Tricksters continue in stories for all ages to have supernatural powers. Traditionally, the tales appeared in cycles, extending from one story into another in a series which could go on without interruption, for days. Always the archetype is capable of disguise or transformation, and his adventures are frequently humourous highlights as he finds or creates trouble. The stories have lessons embedded for young listeners, as well as more mature audiences. Invariably, the trickster, Wisakidjak, Raven or Coyote endeavours to trick or "set up" animals or humans to get what he wants, to feed his appetites "largely ignoring the rules of society" (p.26). Experienced Coyote-cycle myth listeners and readers know as King writes, that "Coyote is going to make a mess of things. The world is going to change. And no-one is going to be particularly happy" (p.129). Tricksters are ingenious archetypes, they exemplify human literary ingenuity in the creation and expression of insights or lessons. 33

The audience can learn from the "trickster's actions what is good or bad;" that it is wrong to be selfish or self-centred, that it is a failure to pretend to be someone you are not, to be impulsive and not to plan, and that to act out of jealousy or without thinking can have negative consequences (Grant, p.25). The lessons are innumerable, but additionally, the trickster has the power to create change, thus it emerges from the trickster spirit that change is perpetual. Myths and legends, oral histories, dreams, and anecdotes of spiritual and physical experience comprise a rich and vital resource of knowledge, the curriculum which First Nations formerly extensively taught from one generation to the next. With the stories at the heart of the culture, First Nations created their world view, oral traditions, and procedures for the collection and generation of knowledge to pass on to the children.

When the stories for this dissertation were contemplated, it was evident that First Nations traditions concerning knowledge, lessons and insights needed to be honoured. It was incumbent on this writer exploring cross-cultural inquiry to attend to and include mythic figures and spirits such as tricksters, animals and old ones, [Silko (1985) states, "In traditional beliefs there is 'space-time for the older folks,' those who are gone" (p. 138).], consistent with ancient and continuing Aboriginal mythopoetic traditions. In order to link closely with First Nations ideas about the world, specific attention was given in regard to the role of spiritual beings as active forces in creation and change. As a result this cross- cultural dissertation includes First Nations cultural references and tales about old ones, but also several tales regarding tricksters. The trickster tales include traditional myths which are activated with a view to promoting learning, tenacity and change, but there are also a number of tales devised and written expressly for this dissertation. These contemporary stories imagine modern circumstances and events where it seems tricksters could indeed be at work, traditional archetypes in their role as guides, teachers and sources of humour. The primary stories in the dissertation are a diversity of fictional tales describing and depicting the experience of First Nations university students. In the creation of the stories, deliberate effort was made to contextualize knowledge by engaging in Aboriginal story traditions. As King and many of his contemporaries point out, First Nations knowledge traditions including story, are key in moving forward. 34

Stories and Decolonization

Contemporarily, story plays a role in the revitalization of First Nations cultures and communities. During the colonization of North America, First Nations experienced the erasure of many stories due to the loss of storytellers and Elders from war and disease, the disruption of their way of life, and the breakdown and fragmentation of families in the process of cultural genocide. Castellano (2002) writes: "Aboriginal people have been bombarded with the message that what they know from their culture is of no value. Intergenerational transmission of ancient knowledge has been disrupted, and the damage has not been limited to the loss of what once was known: the process of knowledge creation - that is the use of cultural resources to refine knowledge in the laboratory of daily living - has also been disrupted" (p. 25). In recent decades, First Nations' stories are changing, so that many more are appearing in written form and modern authors telling stories about the present, also tell about First Nations' history, and incorporate elements of oral traditions in their stories.

Pullitzer Prize winning author (1969), N. Scott Momaday is respected for leading the way as a writer by asserting his Native American cultural heritage and oral traditions with pride in his novels and poetry. Momaday, too, is alive to history in his writing and how peoples interact with it. Teuton (2008) cites Momaday's (1970) words when he asks, "Do you see what happens when the imagination is superimposed upon the historical event? It becomes a story" (p.l). Momaday gives as example an event of falling stars which caused disruption and fears among his people the Kiowas. He reports that they took the event, "They appropriated it, recreated it and fashioned it into an image of themselves - imagined it" (Ibid). When people interact with the world and with events past and present they respond to them and relate to them through story. Oppression and dispossession experienced and continuing since colonialism began, are historical events increasingly fashioned, imagined and storied by First Nations peoples. Grant (1990), recognizes the draw to history of First Nations autobiographers whose stories reflect traditional Native expressions blended with contemporary speech, and the influence of the oral tradition. This is evident as the storyteller establishes relationship and 35

"intimate conversation" with their audience, and achieves authenticity by careful "scene setting," by description of physical surroundings, the people and their speech (p.151). "The characters must be presented as real people with faults as well as virtues" (Ibid). She notes that autobiographical writers eloquently express how they must walk in two worlds and the hope that their stories "would help bridge the gap between cultures" (p.146).

King also indicates that several modern Native writers incorporate strategies typical of the oral tradition including narrative style, repetition, humour and hyperbole (p. 117). As well, he notes Native writers are addressing the history of First Nations people, ancient motifs (such as tricksters) and customs, and how they figure in the recovery of the present day. King remarks on the stories of modern Native writers observing that "these continuing attempts of the community to right itself and the omnipresent choruses of sadness and humour, of tragedy and sarcasm, become, in the end, an honour song of sorts..."(Ibid).

Increasingly, First Nations scholars and researchers come to rely on story in their search for appropriate methods to apply when studying Aboriginal issues and working with communities. Cajete (1994) urges educators working in First Nations communities to appreciate how story can motivate people and he advances the use of myth extensively in the context of teaching (p.l 19). He notes story's capacity to reference different levels of knowing from nature knowledge to geographical mapping, cultural philosophy, social relationships and metaphysical dimensions. He regards myth and poetry as a "true expression of the sacred breath within humans and all living things," and states that unlike the illusion existing in Western education where myth and poetry are divided from every other sphere (whether music, dance, spirituality or history, etc.), Indigenous mythopoetic traditions are highly integrated and "myth, poem, teaching and learning were all one movement" and, "represent the most developed and continuously affective forms of education"(p. 133-4). In his view, "Indigenous teaching is essentially rooted in the structure and process of storying," which connects generations, past and future, because, story tells, "where we have come from, and where we can go as we enter the twenty-first century" (p. 138). 36

Cajete advocates as well that, "Each teacher and student involved in Indian education must relearn and practice contexting information in culturally sensitive and holistic ways," thus, "making story the basis of teaching and learning," and enhancing "meaning in all areas of content" (p.140). He believes such an educational approach can encourage "teachers to truly become storytellers and storymakers" and allow students to participate in co-creation and storying which is a "natural part of all learning" (Ibid). Cajete also points to the need to nourish stories and for Indigenous peoples to develop contemporary forms of storying that ensure connection with the life guidance of ancient stories (p.141).

Smith (1999) in her influential presentation of Decolonizing Methodologies detailing research suitable within Indigenous communities identifies story as integral to all of Indigenous research. A major part of the story for Indigenous peoples she indicates, is colonialism and imperialism: "Indigenous peoples as an international group have had to challenge, understand and have a shared language for talking about history, the sociology, the psychology and the politics of imperialism and colonialism as an epic story" (p.19). Smith characterizes storytelling as powerful and a viable method of redressing the past and countering the loss of voice experienced by Indigenous peoples which persists into the present. She advances the perception that story serves Indigenous peoples by connecting the past and the future, representing both their diversity and truth; it is egalitarian in allowing some measure of control for both story-teller and listener/researcher, and promotes the sharing of "understandings and histories" (p.145). Smith asserts that story is a method consistent with Indigenous research whose goals she avers must contribute to the survival and struggle for self-determination of Indigenous communities the world over. Celebrating survival, remembering, connecting, envisioning, restoring, creating, discovering and sharing are presented by Smith as some of the central functions of Indigenous research. Smith strongly represents the position that storytelling can support each of these roles and contribute to the revitalization of Indigenous communities (p.144- 160). 37

Archibald, Davis and Haig-Brown (2008), credit the work of scholars who "immersed in Indigenous knowledge and cultures," constantly negotiate, "the intellectual terrain that too often continues to be dominated by epistemic colonialism" (p.l). Storytelling is a method of choice for numbers of First Nations researchers and educators seeking to apply relevant and culturally responsive approaches. Examples include Jo-Ann Archibald (1995), herself, when she conducted research among Aboriginal students at University of British Columbia. In her research she regards story as inherent in First Nations' ways of knowing. Bruno (2002), uses story and narrative in her study of the graduate school experiences of First Nations students. Haig-Brown (2005), relied upon narratives when revealing recollections of complex resistance among residential school survivors. Auger (1999), highlights story and the oral tradition in research among elders. Orr, Murphy & Pearce (2007), explore the stories of their interactions with Aboriginal children in elementary school. Anderson (2004), reports on the role of storytelling in adult learning and healing programming. My own previous research, (Dobson, 2004), among university graduates voicing their experience, also emphasizes First Nations' narrative traditions and ways of knowing. In studies where the knowledge comes from and is intended for First Nations communities, story is a culturally appropriate methodology for research. It emerges that the programmes explored and the stories arising from the studies which researchers have and are pursuing, can contribute constructively to Indigenous revitalization as Smith advocates. In addition, when the research generates the opportunity for storytelling, the experience has proven supportive of cultural voice and healing, as well as being greatly empowering for students and adult First Nations participants.

Whether the forum is literature or another medium, in King's view telling stories, and varieties or kinds of stories, addresses the need for healing and recovery in First Nations communities. As King writes regarding the affect story has on the lead character in a book written by Louis Owens, . .in the novel, as in life, whether he lives or dies depends on which story he believes." And, King indicates that he frequently tells himself and others, ". ..a particular kind of story. Saving stories, if you will. Stories that help keep me alive" (p.l 18-9). His presentation and insights make it clear that story can be a creative force but has played a powerful and at times a destructive role in the lives of First Nations people. 38

Throughout the process of colonization and the aftermath, the negative stories and stereo­ types still being told by the colonizer have deprived First Nations of the chance to tell their traditional stories, their real life stories and often their saving stories. The need is urgent for First Nations people to be able to share their stories in order for them to 'stay alive' and to create their chosen future. The need is urgent for the rest of us to show that we can listen to, appreciate, connect with, understand, learn from, and come to celebrate those stories.

Stories and Interpreting First Nations Students' University Experience

The stories that take substance in the dissertation are based upon my twenty years teaching (1985-2005), in the First Nations student community on reserve and at The Native Centre on the University of Calgary campus. My involvement and teaching experience is described at length in my masters. The shared element in my masters and my dissertation is that story has been fundamental in my experience, research and teaching relationships with students. The essence of what I have learned is that First Nations students relate to and engage in story as a central part of communications, learning and teaching within their cultural paradigms.

During the research I completed for my master's thesis (Honour Song: Native Students Voice Success, available in the public domain since 2004) I conducted nine extensive interviews designed to elicit the university experiences of graduates who had completed their first degree at the University of Calgary. Alex, Assiniboine, Charlie, Ineewagi, Iskwew, Jace, Micky, Siapiaaki and Walking Against the Wind (these names are pseudonyms graduates chose in the master's thesis study), acted as my teachers. The graduates' narratives shared much rich detail of the challenges they encountered, but also the ways in which they managed to keep going, and persevering to accomplish what they had set out to do. For my thesis (2004) the data of the graduates' narratives was read closely, sounded in depth, and analyzed for themes which might emerge. Findings were described within a medicine wheel model which uncovered a process the graduates actively followed towards success and change. The process which the graduates' narratives revealed concerning vision, challenge, growth and change was profound, warranting further inquiry 39 regarding how best to make the information accessible to new First Nations students and those who may work beside them. Cajete and others advocate the storying and contexting of information and the investigation focuses on ways accomplishing this task.

At the time of writing my dissertation, owing to university requirements that raw data be destroyed, the master's study interview documents were no longer available, so played no part in this inquiry. My master's thesis work supported the creation of fictional, new and original student stories authored for this dissertation. The fictional students who carry the created stories appearing in the dissertation, Charlene, Andy, DeeDee, and others including Rachel, Jennifer, Ernestine, Gloria, who play smaller roles are imagined. They do not portray the lives of specific individuals alive or dead. Characters embody the experiences of hundreds of students and are representative of heroic and tenacious graduates over many years of teaching.

Author's license achieves story affect and context, while truth is relayed in events and experiences, and by observations or comments reflecting the perceptions First Nations students have shared with me. For example, Charlene's story includes elements of the lives of several people whose parents or parent did advise them that education was key in the present day. Many other details of her family and life are imagined. Some of the experiences Charlene has coming to University of Calgary happened to individuals who were not part of my previous master's research, but studied on campus during part or for all of their university educations. Numbers of students who like Charlene developed rapport or relationships with instructors found the experience a valuable contribution to their success.

Andy, as the 'leading male' character serves as the spokesperson for numbers of the First Nations men coming into University of Calgary. Again, many of his experiences express those of several students. Andy's pre-university career reflects activities on numerous Alberta reserve communities, while his classroom endeavours are drawn both from students who were involved in The Native Centre during their years as students. Described events depict real or frequent typical experiences of First Nations students on campus. 40

DeeDee is also a fictional conglomeration of many students who commute to campus from surrounding reserves. Her overseas travel opportunity highlights the experiences of increasing numbers of Native students some of whom between 1995-2005 voyaged to places such as New Zealand, Australia, Latin America, Taiwan, Mexico, the Middle East or Europe. Foreign travel is eye-opening and can afford Native students new appreciation for their own cultural paradigms, as well as the chance to view the world comparatively and apprehend significant factors relating to the human condition and the effects of colonialism which impact their communities and personal lives.

Throughout the stories, linked to the students' lives are discussions of history and the true life circumstances which have, or do exist presently in the lives of First Nations students and their families. Residential schools were run in parts of Canada for over a hundred years, thousands of young Native children attended. The legacy of abuse in residential schools is now acknowledged and considerable discussion about the legacy of residential schools emerged with the Royal Commission (1995-6), and has been additionally documented by Miller (2005), Haig-Brown (2005). Much of the history and circumstances of First Nations peoples and the vital role of Aboriginal peoples in the formation of Canada have been increasingly well reported and studied. Olive Dickason, whom this writer had the privilege to work with at Maskwachees Cultural College, authored several books on Native peoples including an exceptionally detailed and complete First Nations history (1992), and later prepared a condensed and concise version during the last decade (2006). Miller (2005, 1995), and Haig-Brown (2005), have both written books on the history and impact of residential schools, while Carter (1992), explored the effects of government policies on First Nations agrarian developments on Saskatchewan reserves in the early 1900's. James Dempsey (2006), completed research concerning Aboriginal veterans from WWI. Hugh Dempsey has written extensively on Aboriginal history including several books regarding Blackfoot chiefs as well as the Cree chief Big Bear (1984), who was coerced into signing treaty and whose people later in the face of starvation participated in the uprising known in Canadian history as the Northwest Rebellion of 1885. The stories of the students depict their individual experiences and perspectives, but they are well supported by the evidence of historical documentation. The accounts which are 41 presented here in my dissertation are without historical footnotes to maintain the narrative flow and in order to allow the major focus to be on illuminating each character's lived experiences. Readers wishing to inquire into historical evidence concerning First Nations people are encouraged to review the work of the authors mentioned above and to explore the Royal Commission and Aboriginal military history reports included in the bibliography and available on the internet.

The stories of the students are interwoven with stories of three tricksters, Raven, Coyote and Wisakidjak. It is unusual to find more than one trickster in traditional stories. However, Wissler and Duvall (2007), recorded stories among the Blackfoot, and the storytellers shared a few very brief tales of Raven, although Old Man, Napi or Coyote are the names generally associated with the trickster in Blackfoot traditions. First Nations people frequently know about and may enjoy other trickster traditions than their own. Gerald Vizenor (2005), writes of tricksters without rules or confines, of multiple tricksters moving in new cultural directions achieving cultural revolutions. Vizenor says of the trickster: The trickster salutes chance at common intersections, and at the seams between written words.. .The trickster is a comic liberator in the new word wars. He maddens culture cultists, erudite anthropologists, and quickens their leaden dioramas at the same time; he enlivens their dead letters and blackboard schemes (p.51).

In the dissertation stories, students are arriving at the University of Calgary from a variety of communities or regions where different trickster heritages are foremost. On their university journey students are bringing different cultural or regional trickster traditions with them into the new setting, and it seems right that they should do so. Having their traditions close, contributes significantly to how students manage the journey. As well, in literary terms, tricksters are archetypal portents of power and change, the combined presence of three tricksters is an active catalyst with the potential of creating significant transformation in the landscape.

The old ones appearing in the stories, those who have gone before carry names which were chosen both from imagination and history; some are based on prairie First 42

Nations cultural motifs such as smoke, the eagle, bear, and the white buffalo. These creatures and motifs are understood to have power, are related to the sacred and have played roles frequently in traditional stories, where these entities at times bring teachings and link the people symbolically to nature, all beings and creation.

Intermixed with stories of the students are songs or short poems, many from Songs of the Indians, two volumes of works researched and published by John Robert Colombo (1983). The songs and poems were gathered by Colombo, from diverse sources, a variety of ethnographies, museum stored soundtracks and published stories, both primary and secondary sources documented over a four hundred year period. The informative indexes of the volumes explain where Colombo located the materials. The sources he consulted are often incomplete he reports, because those who recorded in writing, taped or translated the songs may not have provided the names of the originators, sometimes providing no information or listing only an 'informant.' Colombo acknowledges issues including that the accuracy of translations is debatable. The poems are in English and do not contain original sounds or rhythms, as Colombo describes it, "the drama of the dance" (VI, p.9).

The volumes point out several of the problems and issues surrounding appropriation which are of concern to modern critics such as McCall (2011) who questions Colombo's approach, maintaining that the treatment dehistoricizes and decontextualizes Native voice (p.23). McCall also suggests that the songs may be radically adapted, often compressed which conflates them and may contribute to the loss of Native languages. She indicates too, that by shortening songs and poems, Colombo makes fragments. While this may in a number of cases be inconsistent with the original text, it is common literary and academic practice to 'enlist' a few lines of prose or poetry which can "speak for themselves" or which relate meaningfully to a subject under discussion. McCall's own study of the complexity of issues surrounding voice and the collaboration of Native sources and non- Native 'editors, acknowledges shifts in the balance of power from the colonial period, over recent history until the present day. She notes the changes related to the politics of cultural representation and the politics of voice (p. 2-3). It is important to recall that significant socio-political change has occurred since Colombo produced the volumes of Indian songs 43 and poems. The collection was unusual for its time as it recognized the poetic traditions of other cultures, and the politics of voice were far less in the forefront than they are at present. However, the collection and use of First Nations items with many differing and sometimes unclear origins can spark debate, when no credit is or can be given and mistakes in presentation or translation occur.

Colombo created the volumes of songs and poems in part to uncover Native poetic traditions and to address negative notions and stereo-types; he employs terms describing Aboriginal peoples such as "knowledgeable and civilized," and promotes the understanding that a diversity of forms of communication were well established in Aboriginal cultures (p.12). He also details some of the difficulties in achieving the collection from scattered and inconsistent archived sources, and because earlier ethnographers pursued different areas of lyric interest, some on songs related to myth, some on personal public songs and others on ceremonial songs. As well, since missionaries were "seldom very sympathetic to pagan lyrics," and little understood or valued the oral tradition, much of the great quantity of First Nations lyrical expressions were actively discouraged especially with the application of European mores in residential schools (p. 16). What is on record Colombo concludes is far from a complete representation.

Colombo notes that, "Native song may be a product or tradition, yet it is tradition tempered by individual talent. The singer brings to life a song from the repertoire of the past, and in doing so brings to it the flavor of his own personality," and he reports that tribal perceptions varied, some differentiating between old and new songs, others between secular and sacred, others between publicly shared and personally owned (p. 16). When songs were recorded originally, the correct protocols or designation of personal or public were not well documented. Additionally, there are concerns about re-interpretation which may distance the original song or poem. Colombo concludes owing to the difficulties surrounding the collection of a range of songs, that in the production of his volumes the songs would appear by language group, with a description of the occasion when they were used, and in some instances he adjusted words for clarity if translation seemed doubtful. Several poems are assigned a title related to their utility which was not always part of the 44 original song. As Haig-Brown (2010) notes part of the activity around appropriation seems to be a process of "adapting words to one's own expressive intention," which is perhaps inescapable since each of us mediates the world individually. (Internet available, p.925+).

Agnes Grant (1990) from the vantage point of scholarship in literature and decades of teaching Native students also addresses First Nations practices and beliefs regarding song and poetry. She writes:

Traditional poetry portrays a profound spiritualism, a reverence for nature and a particular reverence for the world. The composers took no credit, for it was believed that nature's poems were discovered, not composed; the poet merely nourished them and gave them back to the people, thus remaining humble before nature and the tribe. This anonymity left the poet unassuming and dignified. Contemporary poetry, though credited to the poet, expresses many of the same attitudes in modern times (ix).

Thus, the consideration arises whether some sources consulted by Colombo or other scholars in some instances do not list the name of an informant because the singer or storyteller maintained their anonymity through choice, as it was culturally appropriate for him or her to do.

Tobias (2011), presents the idea in her discussion of colonialism and the impact on the Blackfoot peoples between 1870-1920, that numbers of individuals, and she gives as example Bull Plume, were determined to have their history and stories told to recorders, and did so with a purpose, wanting to have the knowledge and way of life of their people preserved. In 1912 Bull Plume met with McClintock (1910, 1992) to begin having the people's history transcribed (p. 141). "Clearly, Bull Plume saw the technology of writing as beneficial for the upkeep of Blackfoot knowledge of the past, and sought to appropriate it to safeguard the winter count for generations" (p. 151). [Winter count refers to a Blackfoot practice for preserving historical records.] In the latter part of the 1800's and early 1900's especially, there was a perception and understanding that the way of life was being rapidly altered. Some leaders chose to enlist Europeans to write down their stories for future generations. Some writers credit their sources, others seem to ignore them which has lead 45 to loss of ownership and related controversies. Contemporarily, Tobias indicates that the major collections describing life ways and presenting stories, now do sometimes serve as historical written resources for the Blackfoot community in keeping with the original informant's intensions. She applauds the present movement of Blackfoot intellectuals to call upon traditional stories and re-engage them in their present day writing and story culture, and for creating bridges of understanding between Blackfoot and non-Blackfoot (p.193).

The songs and poems included in the dissertation were chosen because they serendipitously express circumstances or feelings which could be related to the experiences of First Nations students on their journey through post-secondary. In their original context, it is unlikely that any of the songs and poems had any relationship to post-secondary studies. Thus, in this dissertation, the songs and poems are adapted to a new setting and activated, re-purposed and re-animated to relate more closely to the subject of First Nations students and what they are undergoing. First Nations lyrical traditions are applied in this way as part of cross-cultural learning and inquiry owing to the understanding that stories, songs and poems are known to be tempered by the individual presenting, as well as that their originators or informants wanted them shared. The songs and poems Colombo published are often beautiful and compelling lyrical expressions and many current First Nations young people lack knowledge of them. The very real concerns about appropriation, crediting of Aboriginal sources, translation and presentation are not easy to deliberate over. Until recent times, First Nations students have had no choice but to appropriate Euro- Canadian approaches to learning, researching and teaching. Now the way is opening for more of us in academia to learn about and accept First Nations ways of knowing and to engage in them, understanding their valid and legitimate place in knowledge creation and dissemination. Issues related to appropriation of specific First Nations texts can only be partially mitigated by the hope that those who gave songs and stories to recorders did so on some occasions not wanting to be credited, and because they wanted their culture kept alive, anticipating perhaps that recovery and restoration would figure in the future. Since many First Nations students have been separated from the depths of their cultural roots and often other Canadians are unaware of the capacities of Native cultures, the dissertation 46 stories and songs present opportunities for transcultural dialogue and to bring forth the spirit, scope and beauty of First Nations lyrical traditions and to link them to the heroic journey of Aboriginal graduates. For those new First Nations students who encounter the songs and stories included here, possibilities open to reconnect with ancient literary traditions so that they too may try applying, tempering or adapting them through their own individuality, act to regenerate cultural traditions, and contribute their perspectives, presentations and understandings to cross-cultural discourse.

Conclusion

The revitalization of community is ongoing in First Nations. Story, by virtue of its many integral connections to First Nations' ways of knowing can play a vibrant role in the re-animation of Aboriginal culture and traditions. Story inspirits and informs the world view of First Nations peoples. It is the vital breath and thought, bringing life to oral, language and learning traditions which maintain the community. The critical role which story plays in knowledge generation and collection within Aboriginal cultures is matched by the critical connection to the process of teaching and knowledge sharing. Story figures prominently in personal growth and development for individuals, but, story is also a shared and communal activity which contributes to a vigorous community. Story interacts throughout First Nations' ways of knowing and is a pathway to the heart of Indigenous cultures. In the present, story is helping to revive the traditional ways in the communities, but it is also changing and transforming dynamically to meet the needs of First Nations people as they strive to be heard, and seek to renew the vitality of their communities.

The stories created for or which have been referenced and reverenced in my dissertation constitute a cross-cultural inquiry by means of and into First Nations ways of knowing. Traditional legends, myths, poems and songs as well as original new stories or poetry are engaged in with a view to making accessible and providing a cultural network and 'contexting' for the accounts of the lived experience of First Nations individuals who achieved post-secondary educational success. (Cajete, 1994). Grant, King, Castellano, Cajete and many others note the fluidity of First Nations story traditions, the interactions, 47 integrations, and crossing of genres. The reader will find that the stories herein cross genres and in some instances time and space conventions. Stories and songs in First Nations traditions can be prompted by context and circumstances, they are spontaneous and evolving.

Storytellers working within a live world view and holistic vision invariably have the liberty to alter and adapt portions or elements of a tale with a view to conveying a teaching. Consistency with a First Nations' approach to story has prompted this writer to activate traditional stories and poetry with the potential to convey appropriate messages to prospective students. It is important to note that ancient stories have no known authors, rather many myths, legends and songs have been shared in the public domain across generations, communities and Nations, and by some modern novelists. When stories are shared they are alive and changing. The interactions, sharing, humour, messages and learning are where the value lies and what are held to be significant. By exploring myths, legends, songs as well as personal lived experience, I have endeavoured to engage and participate in a holistic and live world approach in the telling of the stories of Native university graduates in order to reveal the possible challenges and rewards which can accompany a post-secondary journey, de-mystify the path and make the way accessible.

Additionally, Grant and King emphasize that it is in their spirit that stories have power. The spirit in the stories that follow and indeed the inquiry is due to my relationship as an instructor and friend walking beside First Nations students, and my continuing commitment to celebrating and sharing their brave journey toward post-secondary success. By storytelling, knowledge and understandings about the journey can be passed on, and according to Smith, Cajete, Grant and King, serve as inspiration and contribute to community healing and revitalization. As King reveals, stories can create, entertain, teach, injure, make us laugh, make us cry, heal and keep people alive. Story is what we have to make change. "You don't have anything/If you don't have stories" (p.92). 48

Cycle 1

Stories of Vision

Prologue

You'll never believe what happened! Some of us who were there find it hard to believe ...our families especially. Charlene shrugs and smiles when people ask her how things came about. Our friends Jennifer, Rachel, Gloria, and Ernestine still laugh when they remember different stories. Andy, Will and Guy maintain cool silence. Most of our former teachers at the University, are strangely non-committal. Others of course are still marveling. And, there's no point in trying to get any confirmation out of the shapeshifters. Coyote just looks innocent, Raven flies off behind the clouds, and Wisakidjak already went wandering way up North.

In the daytime it is easy to doubt. Still, often as I drive my car along the highway just as twilight deepens into night, a company of crows and magpies will race homeward overhead, and breezes will sigh in the buffalo grass stirring at the road's edge, then, I can scent smoke wafting as though from the sacred fire of the old ones bringing the stories back to me. I am reminded of the message, the dreams, and the happenings. My own sense of wonder rekindles. In the rhythm of the road I can detect once again the echo of singers amid the beat of drums sounding the honour song. 49

A Journey Begins

One night Coyote skirts the edge of a clearing, eying the circle of wise old ones who are assembled around a fire. He knows something's up. Although it's dark, the old ones are meeting. Coyote wants to know what they are talking about. He lies on his belly and crawls in closer where he can hunker down next to a fallen tree not far from the circle of old ones. But these old ones, they talk too softly and Coyote becomes impatient when he still can't hear what is being said. Coyote turns himself into a branch, then he rolls closer and closer, trying to catch what the old ones are saying. Coyote stops beside Many Eaglefeathers who is speaking to the group of old ones seated by the fire. Just then, Many Eaglefeathers reaches down and grabs the branch lying at his feet, tossing it onto the fire. Flames spark along the bark of the branch, then Coyote realizes he is beginning to smoke. He is catching on fire! Coyote shrieks and leaps out of the fire. He becomes Coyote again, holding his smoking tail, patting out the sparks to stop the burning. Coyote wails, "My tail, my tail my beautiful tail!"

The old ones chuckle to see Coyote foiled in his mischief, but being wise they know that there is more about to happen. Many Dark Eagles says, "Coyote, is that you? Why don't you join us?" And then, he adds, "You too Wisakidjak and Raven!" At his words, a nearby bush which appeared to be shaking with laughter, becomes Wisakidjak, while a large flat rock next to the circle of old ones first trembles and then transforms, becoming Raven.

"Why don't you join us?" Many Eaglefeathers tells them, although he shares the surprise and doubt of all the old ones to have tricksters suddenly arriving at their meeting. Can trouble be far away with three shapeshifters on the scene? Many Eaglefeathers invites Coyote, Raven and Wisakidjak to stay hoping this might even prompt the mischief makers to lose interest and leave. "You are welcome to share in our talk. We are telling stories and thinking."

To the dismay of all the old ones, Coyote, Raven and Wisakidjak linger. "I love stories," Wisakidjak sighs. "Me too!" Raven chips in. "I love a good Coyote story!" Coyote declares. "The best stories are about me!" insists Wisakidjak. Coyote and Raven jeer at him.

"We like stories, too," the wise woman Sage Smoke speaks up before the rowdy ones can start to argue. "But, the stories we are telling are not just about Wisakidjak, Coyote or Raven. The stories are about the people when we were among them, when the people lived good lives even though times were tough. Back when the people were strong, belonged to the land and knew how to live with their fellow creatures even tricksters." 50

Another old one, Pepeekisis continues, "We are also thinking of the stories about the time when the Europeans, the white-eyes came and changed the w ays of the people. For a long time now there haven't been so many old stories told about Raven, or Coyote and Wisakidjak. Sometimes we think there aren't so many good stories being told by the people."

Raven croaks in disbelief, while Coyote howls and Wisakidjak stamps his feet. "This can't be," Wisakidjak cries. "Without stories, where am I?" "Who cares about you?" snarls Coyote. "What about me?" "Without me, where are the people?" Raven asks. Sage Smoke, Peepeekisis, Tall Bear and Many Eaglefeathers exchange glances. They and the other old ones nod at the realization made by Raven.

Peepeekisis answers, "Yes, this is our concern too. But, I fear that the people may no longer know the stories to tell, or have forgotten they need to tell stories. It may be they are not making new stories either."

Coyote, Raven and Wisakidjak look at the old ones in disbelief and doubt. Many Dark Eagles explains, "Since our time, living a life that makes a good story has been tough for the people. For too long, for many generations...being forced to live in a new way.. .to be like the Europeans has brought struggle to the people. Generations have forgotten who they are. Many have gotten lost. Some do not know about us or how the people used to be strong. It seems that many do not know how the stories kept us going, or taught us about Mother Earth and the way to live a good life."

"What stories are there now for the people? They are living an altered way of life." Tall Bear wonders aloud. "Surely, there are some good stories that need to be told.. .that are of use to the people?"

Bright Star responds to Tall Bear's inquiry, "Old stories and new stories, both are needed for there to be life, growth and balance for the people. They can learn to be strong, to use the old ways to guide them."

"Hai, hai," agrees White Buffalo Woman. "Many generations have passed. Where there were wounds, scars begin to form. When they have the chance for healing, the people can once again grow strong and live well in a new way. It is time for our descendants to come to know and use what they can of this present world, to be like the earth in the season of a new spring. We must let the people know. We need to support them in this. We must see that our good message goes to the present generation of the people."

"White Buffalo Woman speaks wisely," Sage Smoke says, "We can help the ones who live in the present by bringing a good message.. .telling the people that the time for growing stronger is now." 51

Listening intently to the old ones, Raven begins insisting: "Let me! Let me take the message!"

"I'll assist you Raven, I'll carry the message and you on my back, too!" Coyote calls out, covering his sly grin while he dreams up ways to ditch Raven and become the old ones' messenger himself.

Wisakidjak slinks over to White Buffalo Woman, reaches for her hand and looks at her from under lowered eye-lashes. "I would make the better messenger, don't you think? I could be there and back in no time!" he purrs.

"Where is there, Wisakidjak? Where do you plan to take the message?" White Buffalo Woman chuckles at Wisakidjak and the eagerness of Raven and Coyote. All the old ones join in her laughter.

"Pick me, I can get it there, wherever you want it to go!" repeats the willful Coyote.

"Pick me I can get it there, wherever, wherever it needs to go!" Raven and Wisakidjak take up the chant.

Coyote, Raven and Wisakidjak dance and leap around the circle of old ones, who shake their heads at the outburst. Can a message of such importance be trusted to Coyote or Raven or Wisakidjak? The old ones turn back to their conversation. They know it's best to reject the tricksters' offer to carry the message since the magical beings are not built for being true to purpose and staying out of trouble.

The old ones talk for awhile and reach a decision. They must deliver the message themselves. Coyote, Raven and Wisakidjak complain loudly, but soon stop their noise when they see the old ones are not listening to them. Instead, the rejected tricksters hunch next to the fire wanting to hear every word. Then, Raven pokes the other two with a stick and soon they are squabbling.

Finally, the old ones come up with a way to deliver their message. They will go among the seventh generation themselves. In order to make the journey to the people they'll need special powers. Sage Smoke and the others realize the wily tricksters are able to assist them in delivering the message in another way.

"Coyote, Raven and Wisakidjak," Sage Smoke asks, "do you still want to help us take a message to the people?"

Scowling at one another, the three tricksters race to be first to answer. "I will!" shouts Coyote.

"Pick me," pleads Raven once more. "I'm in, I can help!" Wisakidjak hollers, trying to drown out the others. 52

"There is a way you can all be part of our plan for taking the message," Sage Smoke tells them. "We old ones need to borrow some power from you three, so that we can transform and travel to the people in the present for awhile."

"What's in it for us?" demands Wisakidjak? "Stories," Many Eaglefeathers answers him, "many more stories. You can be in lots more stories."

Wisakidjak, Raven and Coyote look pleased. Here is a good idea.. .stories in exchange for assisting the old ones. Besides, they want to be in the plan. Perhaps there will be chances for something to eat or adventure as well as stories. So, they agree to share a portion of their power. The old ones accept the power and prepare for taking their message that the time for change has come, to the seventh generation. First they smudge and pray, then Bright Star sounds a drum, and the old ones sing their journey songs.

Coyote, Wisakidjak and Raven loiter about for a little, trying to convince the old ones they can help in other ways. At last, they appear to lose interest and slip away one by one to hide. Raven hastens to the dark height of a spruce tree, Coyote blends into the trunk and foliage of a birch tree. Wisakidjak whisks away, to become reflected moonlight on a pond. They wait, they watch. They want their stories and they don't intend to be left behind when the old ones depart to deliver the message.

******************** 53

Charlene

Crow Song I fly high in the air. My power is very strong. The wind is my medicine. (1)

******

Charlene eyes the four magpies and six crows gossiping in her front yard. The early morning sun glints off black backs, making the crows' feathers shine and rainbows flicker across the magpies' wings. Although raucous squawking comes through her open windows, the gathering seems peaceable enough to Charlene. Apparently, the magpies aren't fighting the crows. Perhaps they are just telling stories, exchanging news about where to eat and how warm the weather is for a May morning.

Four more magpies arrive, wings flashing in the sun. They bounce in the new grass, keeck-kreecking at their brothers and cousins gathered in the yard, raising the chatter to a peak. Abruptly, a large crow and a bold magpie speed to the lower leaning branches of cottonwood trees bordering the driveway. The crows and the magpies caw and kreeck, making their own music. The birds scattering the ground hop to the song of the others with the concentration of grass dancers. Charlene chuckles and then purses her lips anxiously.

Tribes of crows and magpies seem to inhabit the lawn in front of her home these days. At night Charlene is dreaming about crows and magpies. When her sleep was first disturbed, she witnessed dream birds, flocks of them flying down to the ground. The next time she dreamt, the birds surrounded her, bright eyed, staring hard at her. For several nights now, the magpies and crows of her dreams have been looking more and more like people and they are speaking to her. Charlene's vivid dreams mean she is often awakened during the night by a sense of urgency that keeps her from rest. Even so, this morning despite broken sleep, she is feeling the need to be up, to be active, to be doing.. .what? Something a thought, a whisper keeps telling her, "Daughter, it is time." It is daytime. She is not dreaming. And, magpies and crows are dancing and calling outside her house. 54

Turning from the disturbance she resolves that it is time, at least, to speak to her grandmother who lives close by. Although she doesn't run, Charlene moves speedily across the yard of the family enclave, looking away from the excited birds. When she opens the door to her Kohkum's home, her grandmother's face creases in a small smile, she says, "Tea is ready." Charlene pours two cups of the dark brew, takes one to Kohkum in her comfortable seat next to the window. She takes a wooden chair from the kitchen table to sit beside her gran.

For a while they sip their tea and share the prairie panorama of new grass greening speckled by wild spring flowers and the nearby river glittering under steady sunshine. The chorus of caws and kreecks is distanced in the sanctuary of her grandmother's place. Gazing at the scene her grandmother enjoys, Charlene sees where her Kokum gathers her inspiration for so much of her beautiful beadwork. While sipping tea, Kohkum stops beading one of the pair of moccasins in her lap. Charlene catches the aroma of the smoked hide and she picks up another tiny moccasin, to breathe in the earth scent and admire the pattern of wild roses, green leaves and stems all outlined in darker beads, each sewn on individually by her grandmother's magic hands.

"This must be the day for another beadwork lesson," Kohkum suggests and adds in blended English and Cree, "Me, I am hearing ahasiw, also apisci kahkakis....hearing, seeing ahasiw." Charlene's grandmother speaks Cree words to the younger members of her family wishing her children, grandchildren and great grandchildren knew more of their language. While many of her family understand words and phrases, none of the younger people speak Cree fluently.

Charlene runs her fingers gently across the beads. She replies, "Mmh, I will need lessons many times Kohkum, you do such glorious beadwork. Aaah, can you hear those birds, the crows and magpies? They are over by my house makin' a lot of noise. They don't seem to want to leave. Before they came, I was dreaming many dreams about them, Kohkum." 55

Kohkum lifts the moccasin in her lap and stitches another bead into a green leaf. Nodding thoughtfully, she says to Charlene, "They can be messengers those crows, maybe those magpies too. My father used to tell about the ahasiw...they have medicine."

Glad to be telling someone about her experiences, Charlene goes on, "Sometimes in my dreams, the birds' heads change to look almost like people Kohkum, but not like people I know. They look old, many times older than you Kohkum. I hear them call me 'Daughter,' and they keep telling me 'it is time.'"

"Me, I know... sometimes stories...of the old ones givin' dreams or sendin' guides, Nosism, granddaughter, dreams and these ahasiw, apisci kahkakis can speak a message. If those birds come to you, listen. When the dream comes again, think what message the old ones are speakin' to you."

Charlene pours more tea and works on beading beside her Kohkum for a time. They chat about her dream. Charlene wonders what the birds could want or what they might be trying to tell her. Eventually, Charlene gets ready to leave with plans to grocery shop for her family and Kohkum. She places the moccasin she's working on in a grass basket, thanking her Kohkum for their visit and the good talk. Promising to return later in the day with food supplies, Charlene steps out the door. Before she reaches home, the bird messengers surround her.

Circling Crow Song The crow is circling above me The crow is circling above me (2)

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All the company of crows and magpies swoop to join her, circling in the air and touching down nearby on the ground. As she trots home they align behind Charlene, 56 forming up like a parade for the grand entry of a Pow wow. Her talk with Kohkum fresh in her thoughts, Charlene accepts this unusual bird behaviour. Stories tell the birds are more than crows and magpies - maybe they did come from the old ones. Her Kohkum has knowledge about the old ones. Charlene can't imagine how she might understand a message from a crow or magpie.

Outside her own door she stops. She turns and moves slowly towards the large black ahasiw which is nearest to her and making so much racket. Charlene gently raises her arm extending it like the branch of a tree. To her wonder, the crow with a bound and one flap of its wings settles on her arm. He is surprisingly heavy and his sharp feet clutch her wrist. His black head tilts in question, piercing black eyes fix on her when Charlene speaks softly, "Tansi Ahasiw, hello crow.. .feathered one. If you are talking to me, I am honoured. I am listening great crow."

Charlene doesn't look away even when the bold bird begins to step up her arm and arrives at her shoulder where it takes position next to her ear. Hoarsely, the crow, "caw, caws" at Charlene. Each caw sounds more like words. Charlene thinks she hears the word, "Nitani, daughter! Nitani, nitani!"

On the ground the dancing, circling birds begin to increase in size. They roll on the ground looking half human in shape. Others try, like the ahasiw on her shoulder, to speak. Charlene remains standing as though she is frozen. Despite the strangeness all around her she knows she is safe. The birds who come to her offer no threat. Caws and kik-kreecks give way to words, the same words called to her in her dreams, "Nitani, Daughter, it is time." Then other words are spoken by the messengers, "You and yours are the seventh generation. You must share the knowledge.. .a new day comes for the people. It is time to grow and learn. Be strong for the people. Show them the way."

The sun has travelled a good distance across the sky when Charlene realizes she is all alone. The birds are gone. She looks around in the four directions, but does not see or hear the feathered messengers anymore. Only the prairie wind, and faintly the hum of a 57 farm tractor keep her company. Dazedly, Charlene shakes herself awake. She makes herself go inside the house to collect her purse and shopping bags. The day does not seem real to her. Throughout the routine of driving to town, grocery shopping, picking up her twins from nursery school and all Charlene's customary activities...cooking, washing up, bedtime.. .the waking dream stays with her.

The Little Bird's Arrow Wisakidjak is lying down one day relaxing, when he hears a chopping sound coming from nearby. He wonders who it could be, as he met no one when he walked through the country. He immediately becomes curious and goes roaming in a wide circle following the sound. Yet, he is unable to see anyone. Slowly searching for what could be making the sound, Wisakidjak comes to an open place where the grass is above his knees. There, finally he notices the head of an axe swinging just over the tops of the grass. It looks and sounds as though it must be some magic axe, rising and falling, chopping away with no one to hold it or guide it.

Completely mystified, Wisakidjak sneaks up to see if he can discover the magic. When he arrives next to the axe, Wisakidjak bursts into laughter. There before him is a little bird swinging away with the axe with all its might at a thick length of birch log.

"What are you doing, little brother? " Wisakidjak manages to ask without laughing at such a tiny powerless being using its puny strength in such a manner.

"I am learning to fashion an arrow for my own use, " replies the bird. "But you 're so small and what do you want with such a terrible weapon? " asks Wisakidjak.

"I wouldn't be spending my time making a new arrow if I didn't think I could use it, " says the industrious little bird. "In these times all of us need to be able to use our skills, create the tools we need to care for or defend our families. "

"You speak as if you were a little man!" marvels Wisakidjak. He continues to watch the bird. It takes him many days of work to create a beautifully smooth and straight arrow. Then he also prepares a sturdy bow. Wisakidjak gets pretty bored watching the bird striving so hard. So when the bow and arrow are ready, Wisakidjak is all set to have some sport. "Little brother bird, now let me help you. You probably need some practice. I'll stand over here and you can shoot at my head." 58

Wisakidjak thinks this will be hilarious fun. Imagine the little bird shooting arrows! Imagine this little bird thinking that he can do what bigger more powerful creatures are able to do.

The little bird doesn 7 like being mocked by Wisakidjak. "All right, Wisakidjak, " he agrees, but he devises a bigger challenge. "Go stand way over there on the hillside blue in the distance. Then I will shoot at you, if that is what you want. Wisakidjak, you think I'm foolish for trying. I think you are foolish in doubting me! "

Wisakidjak trots towards the distant blue hill. He takes a position high on the slope, near the top. The little bird, stands with his new bow and arrow. "Watch out, Wisakidjak!" he cries.

As he waits on the hill, Wisakidjak waves cheekily at his little brother. Suddenly he realizes that the small speck speeding towards him is an arrow. He dodges to one side and feels in the same instant, the arrow whiz past his ear. The arrow buries itself deeply into the hill beside him. Wisakidjak is shocked. He is still staring at the arrow when the little bird flies up carrying his bow in his hand.

Wisakidjak begins to protest, "I was only fooling my little brother, when I asked you to shoot at me. I never thought you 'd do it!"

"You shouldn't underestimate me Wisakidjak, " replies the bird. "I may be small, you may think me insignificant, but I am capable of many things. "

Wisakidjak thinks about what has happened. He's still arranging things on earth and now he has an idea. Wisakidjak says aloud, "When human beings inhabit this land, learning to make and use arrows and other tools will level the strength and the courage of the people. By using their mind and their skills, even the smallest human will never be entirely at the mercy of the big and strong. " (3) 59

Charlene

Medicine Song Animals teach by dreams- Sing this way to heal people. (4)

******

Charlene becomes increasingly restless. Certainly the changing season may be a cause. There are the potent musty smells of the earth after the rain, the showing of fresh grass and clouds of crocus, the sound of mating songs from migrant birds nesting on the prairie. She believes the heat of the spring sun must be acting on her. Overriding seasonal changes are the messengers, who are still making visits to her yard. The crows and magpies continue dancing in her dreams, powwowing outside her door, stalking her wherever she goes. "Nitani! Nitani!" They are causing her to feel driven - the answer towards what, or where she is still seeking.

She reflects on her dreams and the visits she's receiving from the messenger birds. Ever since the birds tried to speak to her, Charlene has frequently discussed the presence of the crows and magpies, their talk of its 'being time' with her husband Denny, her family and with Kohkum. Everyone wants to help her decide what the message might mean for her and perhaps for the community. Her talks especially with her Kohkum and her father are making her think deeply about what she is being told. The birds say, "It is time." Charlene knows in her heart that there are things she has been putting on hold. There are things she wants to do. There is one thing for sure that she feels she needs to do to make a new day for herself and her family.

Over beading and a pot of three bag tea, Charlene speaks to her grandmother about what is tossing in her mind, "Kohkum, I have been thinking, and maybe the crows are right that it is time. You know I left school when I was sixteen. Now, I think I need to return to school, I want to get my high school diploma." 60

Kohkum purses her lips and is quiet, thinking. Softly, she tells Charlene, "Nosisim, my granddaughter, school is the place of the moniyaw. It is not a good place for Cree people."

Charlene searches for how to explain a return to school. Her words come in a rush. "Before the crows, years ago Kohkum, when my twins were just newborn babies I had this idea...in a way it was a dream, too. I thought about going back to school. It surprised me. When I was sixteen I couldn't wait to leave school. It wasn't the place I wanted to be. I was tired of it all.. .It didn't mean anything in my life. The teachers seemed.. .proud, most of them... sneering... not interested in whether I learned their teaching. The kids in my classes were hostile. They tried all the time to make me know I did not belong, that I could not be one of them. School seemed like too much, too unfair, too much doing work for no purpose."

The description of her unhappiness in school doesn't surprise her grandmother. Knowing well the misery of generations of her family in school, Kohkum shakes her head as she ponders how a message coming from the old ones could encourage her granddaughter to want more school. Kohkum offers words of caution,

"Nosisim, your twins are only small and it is not long since you left the white people's school. The teachers and the other people ... they will act no different. It is always the same. They have no respect. They do not know the Cree people. They do not want to know us."

Charlene accepts her Kohkum's observation. "Hai, hai, Kohkum. It's me who is not the same, I think. I am at home, a mother with children to raise. There is so much I don't know sometimes, I find there are things I miss about school, some of the knowledge I picked up. You know, I love to read and I still keep some of my school books close." 61

"Mmmh," her grandmother nods once in turn, "Me, I like when you read the Native newspapers to me. Windspeaker, hai! Reading you do well, granddaughter. You don't need more school for that."

As she lowers her head to her beading, Charlene smiles at her grandmother's praise. "I will read the paper to you before I leave today, Kohkum. There are many things I want to read about and learn. I want to be able to teach my girls, too. They are just in early nursery classes, but soon they will be in school. I don't think it will be a good thing for them to leave school without completing...at sixteen...like I did. They will not have chances for so many things... employment...knowing about the world, living a better life."

Her Kohkum stitches a round red bead into the pattern she is making while giving Charlene's words due thought. In Kohkum's day, school was something to resist. There was little pleasure in it. Her parents had done their best to keep their children away from that place, taking them to live deep in the bush after a winter or two's unhappy confinement in the school residence. She has little skill in reading even a few words. Reading is a chore and mystery for her, not an enjoyment. She has lived on the reserve all her adult life without much need for reading or other schooling. Her life is close to the land and her home, to her relatives and the people.

While Kohkum's hands keep working, her eyes scan the prairie outside the window. The rolling grasslands and distant hills give her great pleasure. The Creator is generous with his gift of nature. There is much good in the world, but there is the not so good to balance the beauty in the natural world surrounding the people. Deep in thought, she remembers how in her youth, life was often harsh. The Cree people she grew up with, did not understand the society which had engulfed them, contained them, condemned their way of life and sought to force them to be no longer Cree.

Kohkum's family avoided the newcomers most of the time. Her father relied on the land, choosing to live remotely, away from the eyes of the Indian agent and other white authorities. When trapping and hunting were poor, food was scarce. There was illness and 62 death. Her mother lost five of her babies during some of those hard times. Later her father put up a cabin on the edge of the reserve, began raising a few animals and planted vegetables which expanded the food available to his family. On the reserve, there were more relatives close by so Kohkum and her sisters could share in the life of the community.

In her memory, Kohkum recalls meeting and going to live with her own husband when she was seventeen summers. Together, they built a small cabin, farmed a few acres and hunted to keep their growing family through the winters. Then long years of drought and famine brought more bad times when three of her own babies passed. Many people died, some from hunger some from disease. Her husband died from a sickness. This meant she needed to move in with relatives. Since everyone was struggling and starving, she sought out the government agent to help her family. She was forced to let the nuns and priests take her remaining sons and daughters. They kept them in the residential school where they were fed. It is also where her children were whipped and abused by the people who taught them their religion, and where they learned to hate themselves. Kohkum finds wanting more school a mystery.

Her fingers tightening on her needle, Kohkum pulls the thread through beads and leather. The sturdy comfort of practical footwear is nurtured by her hands with patience and care and is transformed into an intricate work of art. These unique moccasins she will give to a loved family member. Making traditional accoutrements, moccasins, pouches, shirts, is how she spends hours of time, often alone, sometimes among the Creator's precious gifts, her daughters, grandchildren or great grandchildren, warm in her chair by the window where the light is good, talking and teaching. She trusts the rhythm of her life in the heart of her family and her community.

Life on the reserve, even now is not an easy one, but the people rely on one another. They are together in the experience they all share of survival in the midst of great hardship. The community members need one another to maintain their way of life, the stories and the knowledge of what it is to be Cree. Her people have persisted through all the evils thrust at them. Yet, the pace of change does not slow. Always, the people are under constant 63 pressure from the society beyond the reserve. The young people are in great danger. They are lost, so many seem to have no hope. They do not know the old ways and they are not included by the moniyaw. So many give up.. .give up their lives to drinking or drugs. Kohkum sighs as she acknowledges that the world keeps changing...is no longer the same place it was in her younger days...or even a few short seasons past. There are always hardships...new difficulties for the people.

Although Kohkum treasures her own hearth and the security of home, she also has seen the new world and some of the enticements it holds. On those occasions when she goes into town with family, she finds the rushing of many people, cars and trucks, a thunder in her ears. The grocery store aisles feel like many days walk, and there are rows of unfamiliar foods traded from other nations. There are shops clamouring and vibrating with the sound and sight of unknown technologies. Kohkum lived without a telephone most of her life and now her grandchildren travel with phones in their pockets, and youngsters spend their days playing not out of doors but sitting in front of TV or a computer.

Kohkum puts down her beadwork and takes her mug of tea in both her hands. She sighs again, choosing her words, speaking softly, "Nosisim, granddaughter, I know what it is to want good things for your children. The moccasins you are making will keep your babies feet warm and dry. I can teach you this thing. Someday maybe you will want me to teach you all about computers." Kohkum chuckles at her own joke. "Eaaah. This... someone else will have to teach you. The new things like computer.. .me.. .1 don't know... need for them. One day you may like to show your children or your grandchildren computers. You are being a good mother caring for your twins now. It is good that you want to learn more so that you can teach the coming aniskac...generation. It is our tradition. Cree people take care of the next generation and the next, and the next. If this means you need to go to school for a time.. .then learn what you can...learn what you need so you can care for and teach the generations to come. Remember, Nosisim, always remember, you are Cree."

******************** 64

Healing Song It was told me in a dream That I should do this And I would recover. (5)

********************

Denny, Charlene's husband knows about the bird messengers. How could he not? The whole family sees them hanging about, knows their pattern of calls and the intensity of their stare. Over dinner Charlene tells Denny she's been talking with Kohkum. Charlene surprises Denny when she says she wants to go to school but he understands that there is some power at work in the life of his family. It is only sensible to be open to whatever the messengers are saying. He grins at Charlene. "You've always been a smart one, good at learning things. The babies are in nursery school durin' the day now. Getting' your high school diploma is a good idea. If you want to do more school after that.. .1 guess we can see how it goes."

Charlene is delighted with this support for her dreams. She knows it will not be easy to go to school when she has two little ones and Denny to care for and consider. The dream growing within her heart becomes stronger. Each day when she picks up the twins from nursery school she drives passed Pipestone Community College on the reserve where there is a programme for adult education...a place where she can take some of her high school subjects. It is a ready opportunity. Charlene' hesitates though. The College is in a building that was once the residential school. The building is old and decrepit...people say there are ghosts, many ghosts in that place.

Although her own father and mother attended that place, the residential school is not something that she has heard them speak of much because their memories are not happy ones. She does know her father, like so many boys of his generation, was not given the chance to go past grade six at residential school. Mostly he and the other boys had to work in the fields to grow food and do other chores. Finally, as she imagines what her parents might think of her desire for more schooling, Charlene realizes it was her father in her 65 childhood that often encouraged her and her ten brothers and sisters to keep going to school. All the time that Charlene was growing up he would say, "Education is the key."

Seeking out her father, Charlene is anxious to talk with him about the magpies and the crows. Charlene tells him she is thinking about going back to school, but she worries that it will be hard for her, not good for her family. Her father listens to his youngest daughter's concerns. In his childhood his chances of going far in school were strictly limited. The schooling he received came with beatings and coercion when he and the other boys and girls were caught speaking in Cree. Working in the fields was a respite from the confinement in the classroom and the daily poison of being taught to despise his own people and culture. Yet, now decades later he wishes he knew a greater amount about the world, had been exposed to more than the small taste of the feast of outside world knowledge and skills the nuns and priests had permitted him.

When his own children went to school, Charlene's father had watched helplessly as his sons and daughters experienced their share of trauma in school. The older ones were maltreated in residential school, just as he had been. After the residential school was closed, the younger ones were taken away, off the reserve to public schools in a nearby town. There they walked in the world of white people. It was difficult to see them go, day after day, to a place where they were bullied and demeaned. He knew that each of his children had withstood taunts and insults, daily shaming and abuse. As a father, a Native person, he could only walk in spirit beside his children as they learned to endure.

Still, Charlene's father had listened when his sons and daughters sometimes had spoken about the things they were learning in public school. This glimpse of the world outside the reserve intrigued him. Although he understood the actions of his children, each in turn leaving school, abandoning education, he believed in his heart that all the young people without schooling were becoming trapped...as he had been trapped. His only opportunity had been to farm. The reserve had limited land suitable for farming and for most young people, not even the opportunity of farming existed any longer. He had seen.. .could see, that those without enough schooling struggled to get by. Many barely 66 survived in the community. They had few skills that allowed them to raise a family, contribute to their people, or hold one of the few jobs on the reserve. In the outside world they were not able to find jobs when all the other people had more schooling.

Her father hears with a dawning of pleasure that Charlene accepts the message brought by the birds from the old ones, and that she dreams of going to school.. .getting her diploma perhaps she will go to a college. Now he says to his daughter, his youngest child, "Mitanisimaw, this is good. Haven't I always told you?" Her father's chin rises and falls rhythmically as he reminds Charlene, "Mitanisimaw, education is the key! Education is the key!"

In a clump of trees Raven, Coyote and Wisakidjak roll around on the ground laughing. For days they've been watching the old ones bring their good message to young people of the seventh generation. They cannot contain their hilarity.

"Those old ones! Can you believe it! Trying to deliver their message. Do you think anyone is listening? Heeeaahooo!" Coyote howls.

Wisakidjak wipes the tears of laughter from his cheeks. "Did you see them trying to transform from birds to themselves? Half crow, half old one. Half magpie, half old one! They wanted some of our power... that's what they got!" Wisakidjak roars with more laughter.

Raven rolls over on his back, laughs and rolls. Righting herself she cackles, "I hope they enjoy the power we shared with them. Soon they will see who should carry a message to the people! They can stay stuck being birds for awhile."

"Hai, hai. Yes!" agrees Wisakidjak. "They are stuck! Me, I'm thinking it's best to stay out of sight of the old ones. They won't see me! Did anyone else hear a story going by?"

"Something about a bird and an arrow...maybe," Raven mumbles.

"Ha, I heard my name!"Wisakidjak crows.

"I'm pretty sure you're just hearing things," Coyote yips. "I can't wait for a story about me!" 67

Wisakidjak sniffs the air, and turns his back, "Ekosi maga, I'm going to see what this seventh generation is up to."

"Hai hai, I like to say hai hai." Coyote echoes Wisakidjak's words, "That's it." He seizes on the idea, "It's time to for me to explore."

********************

Crow Medicine Brings the Buffalo Many people were camped together to make a buffalo drive. For many sunrises they couldfind no buffalo. In the village there were two boys with power. One of the boys had the power of the crow and the other the power of the buffalo. The boys were sent out to look for the buffalo to the south. The boy who had the power became a crow and scouting ahead discovered that a man named White-Crow had driven all the buffalo away. The boy Black- Crow flew back to the camp and told the people what White-Crow had done. The chief sent the boy once more, to lead White-Crow away and then steal the buffalo. Black-Crow found White-Crow and began talking to him asking him to go hunting with him, but White-Crow was suspicious and stayed. Black-Crow went off to scout alone and let his people know that White-Crow still had the buffalo. Black-Crow told his people to follow him to White- Crow 's camp but only travel at night and hide in the grass during the day.

Black-Crow went south again and this time found the buffalo. Black-Crow's people came up in the night, they hid when it became morning. Black-Crow came to tell them he had heard and seen the buffalo. The other boy with power was with the hunters. He asked Black-Crow to fly over the Buffalo again and see what they were doing. Black Crow saw the buffalo bunching up and beginning to dance. He returned to his people to let them know what the buffalo were doing. The second boy with power became a buffalo and went with Black-Crow to watch the large herd of buffalo dancing. They saw White-Crow failing to drive the buffalo who were dancing away. The boy with the power of the buffalo sent Black- Crow to let the people know that he wouldjoin the herd of buffalo as a cow, he would have a calf and together try to lead the buffalo to the people. Black-Crow delivered his message and returned to aid the cow and the calf in stealing the buffalo.

The cow and the calf danced with the buffalo. The bull of the herd painted the calf's face and let him lead the dance with his bonnet. Then the cow was given the otter-covered dance stick and led a round of dancing. Black-Crow took the swans down covered dance- stick. When the calf led the dance the next time, all the buffalo danced after the bonnet the calf was wearing. When the calf ran, all the buffalo followed after him. They ran until the two with the sticks grew tired and stuck their sticks in the ground. The herd rested and slept. For four days and nights they travelled when the sticks were up and rested when they were stuck in the ground. On the fourth night, the cow, calf and Black-Crow had dreams in which the buffalo gave them power with the sticks. 68

In the medicine dances of the Horn Society there are buffalo bonnets, a dance stick covered in swans down and a second covered in otter skin. All dancers must have wives...the buffalo had wives. There are three people leading the dance, the man, his wife, and a young man. The young man is the black crow messenger. (6)

******************** 69

Charlene

Charlene struggles with how she will cope. It is five years since she's been in school and she is not sure that she remembers any of what she was taught. Worries cloud her days. Will she like school more now that she is a grown up with children to prepare the way for? Can she succeed in learning in the white people's schools? Will her family be alright when she is a student and a mother, both?

Charlene balances the weight of her concerns with the awareness that one of her aunts, her mother's sister has completed not just high school, but university. Her aunt has her degree, and she is not the only one. Two other people Charlene knows in the community are studying for university degrees in Edmonton. Charlene finds she is indeed dreaming that she wants to do the same, get a degree. If education is the key, she quietly considers that a first degree, a bachelor's could be attainable ...maybe after that a higher degree.. .a master's she thinks it's called. But, it is too soon to voice this distant dream. For now Charlene aims at high school. She has the support of her husband. She feels encouraged by her father, her Kohkum and family. Charlene hears the coaching, the urgent croaking of the messenger birds and her own desires. She will go to school.

********************

The Birds Are Beginning The birds are beginning to sound merrily Talking in the spring. The birds are beginning to sound merrily in the spring, The river duck is talking. When growing things start pushing through, The wrens raise their peculiar sound, Doubling their voices. One knows it when the tide comes in And leaves its mark On turtle island, on turtle island. (7)

******************** 70

Excited by her growing purpose, Charlene first seeks out a special teacher at her old high school that, unlike so many of the others, cared when Charlene dropped out. Visiting with her former teacher and showing off pictures of her twins is fun but, Charlene learns she is considered too mature now to return to the high school during the day. She is forced to conclude it may be easiest to enter the adult education program on the reserve. The convenience will allow her to manage her home responsibilities. But she worries whether there could be a stigma attached to taking classes on reserve. The talk for so many years in the community has been that to get a good education, it was necessary to go to town schools. Charlene keeps questioning her best course of action.

In late June, Charlene takes an important step. She makes herself stop by Pipestone Community College to see if she can enroll there for n high school classes in September. Outside the entrance she looks up at the crow perched on the porch roof. Under her breath Charlene speaks, "Tansi, Old Crow. It is time and I am here."

Reaching the door, Charlene meets two people she knows on their way into the building. They also gaze up at the crow. Lips pushed and pointing in the direction of the crow, Charlene's friend Rosa says, "That bird, he seems to be everywhere these days. Him, and lots more. They are more than dreams."

When her friends find out why Charlene is there and that she has never been to the College before, they lead her to the Adult Programme Co-ordinator's office. Charlene finds as she enters the College that the building shows its age, although it smells of new paint and the floors glisten from fresh washing and polish. While the interior and the furnishings are scarred from use, everything looks clean. The old residential school structure left by the Federal government and the Catholic church, is three stories in the shape of a cross. Charlene has never been interested in seeing the inside of a place that inspires loathing in her parents, aunts and uncles, and her older siblings.

Charlene's friends depart with words of encouragement. They promise "Kihtwam ka-wapamitin, See you again soon!" The Co-ordinator Fran, welcomes her in an easy 71 manner. She feels unexpectedly at ease with this unknown white teacher as they discuss the programme and Charlene's education plan. Fran tells her that she is just in time to apply for one of the limited number of places in the programme, but she's early enough to be accepted right away.

Fran guides Charlene through the application to the programme, and then takes her to complete a series of tests to establish the right level of classes for her. Charlene is placed in grade nine math, English and Social Studies. She learns that as a student in the Adult Education Programme at PCC her education can be sponsored with a small living allowance while course costs will be covered. Charlene's dream is beginning to happen.

lie*******************

Rainbow You, whose day it is, Make it beautiful. Get out your rainbow colours So it will be beautiful. (8)

********************

Approaching Pipestone College in September to start high school courses, Charlene is surprised to see so many people climbing out of their cars and pickups, crowding the halls and filling the high school upgrading classrooms. As new students arrive, the trees surrounding the College fill with a mass of magpies and crows. The birds make a riot of noise. Charlene and her fellow students wave at the crows, and exchange looks with one another, shrugging. They accept the encouragement of the messenger birds, and head in doors to begin orientation to the College and its programs. The morning and afternoon are a whirl of meeting instructors, other students, receiving schedules, finding classes. Soon it is done, then it is home for Charlene, as with many others, to collect children, cook the family meal, share the day's activities. Tomorrow the work and study begin.

In only brief months, Charlene is finishing the curriculum for her high school diploma. It is hard to imagine that this could have been so easy, when previously school 72 seemed to grind her down. At PCC, in classes with just a few other students and with supportive instructors nearby, she is learning like a pond frog, snapping up its supper...or an arrow finding its target. In the adult high school program she finds she is happy to be learning. Over this last while, she is flying through her studies. Her English and Social Studies, she masters in no time. Even in Math she surprises herself pushing through the grade twelve requirements, and in a following semester, she excels in Biology and a Cree language course. While some of her teachers are Euro-Canadian, she's also getting the rare experience of Native teachers in a number of her courses.

Charlene is proud of her progress, her ability to achieve her diploma. There are challenges and there are times when course material once again doesn't seem to be relevant. Still, she finds now it's easier to keep working, to make herself do the work. She knows that getting her school work done can lead her somewhere she wants to get to. She knows that the alternative to school is unemployment, not enough money for the family, craving a purpose, wanting more than housework or another boring television show.

As she completes high school, Charlene is already thinking about her next steps. She is going to follow her secret dream and go on to a post-secondary programme. She is ready to commute to a neighbouring city. She has learned there is a program in journalism at Andyander College and Charlene thinks it will be fascinating. She can hardly wait...but the program doesn't start until the fall semester. Meanwhile, Charlene takes her last high school classes. She floats through her final few months attending school on reserve. Her heart is light as she prepares to be a student at an urban College.. .in a learning environment offering new challenges in the coming semester.

******************** 73

When Fog Comes Drifting

The old one Bright Star shakes his crow feathers. Raven, Coyote and Wisakidjak are in the vicinity looking for more stories. Bright Star gives his choice of story much thought. There're lots of trickster legends, but he has a favourite tale about someone who had served the people. Maybe the tricksters could learn something from it. He coughs to clear his throat. Regrettably, he sounds much like he's cawing as he begins his tale:

"Some call him Makusue....some call him Three Crows. He was a great Cree medicine man, the first among the people. Makusue was blessed by the Great Spirit because he honoured him with love in his heart. The Great Spirit gave Makusue powers and knowledge. He could call down rain from the clouds when it was needed, but he could also foretell storms and dangers. Makusue knew all the medicines, how to use herbs, barks and roots to cure diseases. Makusue shared his wisdom and strength with the people, teaching them the signs of the earth and sky, and how to heal from illness. He taught them love and kindness and to live as the Great Spirit would want them to.

The bad spirit Evil-Doer loathed Makusue because his teachings had shown the people how to avoid the temptations and traps he set for them. Evil-Doer looked for chances to upset Makusue making the earth freeze when he went out to dig roots, or sending fierce storms to threaten his crossing of a lake. Makusue laughed at Evil-Doer's attempts to torment him and keep him from showing the people the right way to live.

Evil-Doer seeking vengeance went to the Great Spirit and complained. "Great Spirit, " whined Evil-Doer, "you agreed that when people died you would get the good people and I would get the bad. "

"I know the agreement. It has been kept, " the Great Spirit told Evil-Doer.

"No-one comes to the Land of Evil Souls; it is almost empty!" shouted Evil-Doer. He raged at what was happening before the Great Spirit, "It's all the fault of that old medicine man, Makusue. He guides the people, he shows them how to live working for one another with kindness, love and sharing. He teaches them to give up evil. When they die the people are good people. No one follows me to the Land of the Evil Souls! There is no one for me to torment!"

The Great Spirit considered Evil-Doer's protest for a time. Finally he spoke, "Makusue has taught the people to be honest and kind. His leadership has shown them how to live with purpose and the way to be good people. " Sadly, the Great Spirit acknowledged, "But, lots of people have sometimes been bad before they learned to live good lives. " 74

Evil-Doer seized on the Great Spirit's words. He eagerly agreed, "Yes, yes! Even the best were sometimes a little bad!"

The Great Spirit made a decision. He said to Evil-Doer, "I will offer a new agreement. All people, even the good people sometimes are weak, unfair or unkind. Sometimes all people are a little bad. Because of this, all people will come to you Evil-Doer for three suns and three sleeps. That is all the time the good people will spend with you. After that, good people will come to me. The bad people will still stay with you. Evil-Doer rejoiced at the new agreement which he believed would destroy all Makusue's efforts to care for his people. Evil-Doer gleefully announced, "I'll get my fires ready to welcome all the people!"

"Wait!" called the Great Spirit concernedfor the earth which could be covered in flames. "Evil-Doer, you must agree to kindle your fires only upon low ground, in the marshes where the fire cannot spread. "

Evil-Doer hastily agreed and rushed to tell Makusue that he had lost their contest. Makusue was horrified by the bargain Evil-Doer had made with the Great Spirit. He mourned for the people. He put on his sacred robes, painted his hair with clay and travelled to find the Great Spirit. Standing before the Great Spirit Makusue pleaded for the people, that they should not be handed over to Evil-Doer's fires.

The Great Spirit pointed out to Makusue that all people are not all-good all of the time. It was only fair that Evil-Doer receive something for his accomplishments. Makusue prayed asking the Great Spirit to be merciful to the people. He appealed to the Great Spirit to understand that the overwhelming strength of Evil-Doer and his ways could be hard for the people to resist.

The Great Spirit was moved by Makusue's pleas for the people and he wanted to reward the medicine man who had always cared for the people, teaching them and helping them to become good people. Respect for Makusue's service persuaded the Great Spirit to listen to his request and to soften the punishment for the people.

"Because you have always striven for my people Makusue, I will make the punishment easier to bear. While the people will still spend three suns and three sleeps with Evil-Doer as I agreed, when they die I will give them another form. They will become the mist and the fog. In this new form the fires and torments of Evil-Doer will not harm the good people. This is how it shall be from now on, " the Great Spirit told a joyful Makusue.

So it is. The fog you see lying in the lowlands is the spirit form of those who have died. Because of Makusue the good people pass through without suffering or torment to join the Great Spirit. Only those who waste their lives as friends of Evil-Doer feel his fires. " (9)

******************** 75

Andy

Crow Chant The crows turn their heads nimbly round; They turn to look back on their flight. The spirits of sun-place have whispered them words, They fly with their messages swift.

The crows look ahead to tomorrow. Their spirit medicine has given them wings, They look to the farthermost ends of the earth, Their eyes glancing bright, and their beaks bearing dreams. (10)

******

Shooting forward like a released arrow the horse under Andy Napewiw, a black and white piebald with red in its eye, sends him backwards, both his legs and left arm jerking through the air. Andy grips the reins in his right hand while barely keeping his seat, already preparing for the next explosive series of bucks. The reins seem to cut through muscle and tendon in Andy's hand as his body is rattled backwards and forwards repeatedly.

The fifteen second bell sounds but Andy becomes aware the ride is done only when the pick-up horse and rider come along-side him. Andy lets go of the still kicking bronco, slips over the back of the dismount horse and drops safely to the ground. He lifts his stetson acknowledging the audience while he trots to the corral fence and jumps over, afloat on a chorus of cheers and applause. It's a good ride, maybe even a great ride on a powerful and determined horse called Geronimo. But then, Andy tells himself why shouldn't two Indians, he and the horse, get together and do big things?

Later on his second ride of the day, Andy draws a second tricky horse, Hombre to score another dynamite ride. The horse leaves the ground, a whirlwind of bucking and spinning as Andy shows the rodeo crowd winning bronco riding style. The dismount horse and rider trot towards them, but Hombre rears up off-balance. In a split second, horse and rider are toppling towards the ground. Andy desperately tries to kick himself clear, but the 76 strap of the reins still loops around his hand. Horse and rider crash to the ground with Hombre's shoulder narrowly missing crushing a sprawling Andy.

Too late, Andy realizes he is not completely in the clear. He can feel the bones in his wrist and hand give beneath the horse. Bare moments later the winded animal rolls and kicks to its feet and starts to drag Andy around the arena. The pick-up rider grabs for the horse's bridle pulling Hombre to a halt allowing Andy to free his injured arm. Watching stunned and hushed, the audience begins to cheer again, louder than before to see Andy walk away from a terrific ride followed by a close call that could have killed him. Andy manages to lift his unbroken left hand to the audience. Then he is assisted with his aching body and fractured right wrist over the corral rail. He needs one more ride to win the big money prize for the weekend. Now, there is no way.

Andy is rushed by ambulance to the nearest hospital, where an x-ray shows multiple breaks to the bones in his hand, a splintered wrist and a cracked bone in his arm. He seems to be having trouble breathing as well. Further examination and x-rays reveal he damaged two ribs when he fell. His doctors believe he has a slight concussion. Andy feels lucky that his injuries are no worse. Spending a night in hospital for observation, he calls home to let his wife Cindy know what has happened, where he is and that he intends to drive home the next day. She tells him to stay where he is and that she and Harold, his father will come to get him and drive his truck, horse and trailer back home. Andy doesn't want to admit it, but he is glad to hear that his family will be there to assist with all his gear. They will be good medicine for his injuries and for the disappointment of not winning the rodeo.

Weeks pass, and Andy is impatient for his hand and arm to heal. Breathing was tricky for a time while his ribs got right. He still sometimes finds it hard to concentrate when he's driving, or when family and friends talk to him. He can't focus for long. The fall from Hombre is causing more difficulties than Andy remembers from other rodeo accidents with broken bones. When Andy goes to get the cast on his arm removed, the doctor tells him the x-rays don't look so good. Although the bones are mending, there is a lot of thickening where the breaks occurred. Andy's hand and wrist feel heavy and awkward. 77

Closing his fingers and hand to hold something tightly, he experiences cracking sounds, stiffness and pain. The doctor recommends physio-therapy, but cautions Andy indicating that it will take a long time for real improvement. He says its likely full strength may never be regained in Andy's hand and arm.

Andy leaves the doctor's office depressed and discouraged. Andy fears that his rodeo career is at an end. He doesn't want to believe it. Cindy tries to help him see things differently. "You know, if you aren't at rodeo you can be here with the kids. They like to spend time with their Dad. There is still some summer left. We could camp out and go to some of the big pow wows."

"Sure," Andy agrees gruffly, "if that's what you want. But, I need to go to some rodeos, too. Even if I can't compete, I can see the competition and the horses. Then, I'll know what's coming next year, for after I've had therapy and my hand is better. Rodeo brings in good cash."

Cindy shakes her head. "I know, but if your hand isn't strong, can you hold onto a horse. We don't have to have rodeo money if you go farming with your father. I can go back to work at the tribal band office maybe. Another accident, breaking your arm again or getting another hit in the head isn't good. Think about your family. Think about your kids."

"I'm going to get some physio-therapy, see how my arm heals," Andy insists.

Being a rodeo champion is not something Andy is ready to give up. Over the spring and summer, he works for his father, takes the family camping and to half a dozen rodeos. Each week he is at home he travels into town for therapy. Every day he exercises his arm. In his free time, Andy practices horse and rope handling at the indoor and outdoor corrals at the agri-plex on the reserve. He feels more strength growing in his hand, wrist and arm, but the familiar rodeo moves still seem clumsy. Often there is pain when riding or roping bump or twist his hand. Andy tries to see past the problem and plan for the next rodeo.

******************** 78

Doubt My heart fails me As I am about to enter The spirit lodge. (11)

********************

Months after his accident, Andy enters an autumn rodeo on his reserve, determined to push his recovery. On his first ride, disaster strikes. The horse under him, Sidewinder, lives up to his name and Andy's hand fails when the horse bucks like a wild thing sending him sideways. He is unseated and crashes to the dirt floor of the corral just out of the chute. Cradling his hand and arm, Andy staggers out of the corral and is joined by a tearful Cindy. His father Harold is there too, both are anxious to see that he is alright. Andy acknowledges grimly his arm won't let him ride again in this rodeo.

A few days later Harold asks Andy to go sweat with him. Andy appreciates the offer. He is struggling with what to do, whether to try another rodeo. Early the next morning, with his father, his uncle Gabriel, his younger brother Gordon and elder Louis Sunchild, Andy goes to find a suitable spot for the sweat beside the creek that flows through a remote part of their farm. Louis is a traditional elder, with much knowledge. His wisdom and the leadership he shows in a healing way of life are respected throughout the Cree community.

Louis chooses a place not far from the creek where they build a fire. With Louis showing them, they choose the best stones, and when the fire is burning strongly, they put the rocks into it to heat. While the rocks for the sweat get hot, the men collect saplings to create a small circular lodge. They plunge one end of each branch into the ground, bend the tops over and tie them together to form the bones of the lodge which they flesh out with thick blankets and robes. Soon a beehive shaped dome hugs the earth flap raised, so the men can enter when all is ready. Once the rocks are roasting the time is right. Several hot rocks are lifted with sturdy branches and centred on the floor of the lodge. While young Gordon remains outside to tend the fire and the rocks, the men remove jackets, shirts and 79 trousers, and with a towel round their necks crouch through the door into the lodge and sit in a circle about the scalding rocks. A blanket is pulled to cover the door as the elder splashes water over rocks making them sizzle and steam.

In the dark of the lodge, Andy and the others breathe shallowly at first, surrounded by the steam rising off the rocks which sears their eyes, noses, throats, their uncovered skin. Andy sitting a distance from the door wishes he were closer to it so that he might duck under it, out, away from the fierce heat in the dark womb of the sweatlodge. With his towel covering part of his face, he can breathe a little and wipe condensation from his eyes. Louis begins to talk and pray. Andy follows the words, gently rocking to the rhythm of the elder's prayers. Gradually, he becomes accustomed to the soaking heat generated by the rocks. Then Louis throws more water and the surge of steam is overpowering. The prayers continue until Louis tells them it is time to go out of the lodge. In a short while, they'll come back in with new hot rocks.

The men return for another round in the sweatlodge. The heat seems to burn to the core of a person, but each one of them manages to hold on through that round and the next. Louis shares songs, insights and prayers. When called on, Andy and the others join in chanting. During the third round in the extreme heat Andy begins to feel like they are not the only ones in the sweatlodge. It seems there are other presences in the small space in which they sit. He senses another world is operating above and around them and Andy becomes aware of sounds nearby, flapping wings, the call of birds. These impressions are more real than he can recall from any other sweatlodge. He waits for what else may come, but is ready when the round ends to crawl out of the lodge and let his lungs cool down in the outside air.

Andy goes into the sweatlodge for one more round, although he is exhausted and hungry. Louis tells him the fourth round will help each of them find the answers they may be seeking. As before, hot steam scours skin, Louis chants, and although Andy eyes are closed he knows there are spirits among them. Andy shifts sideways when the flapping of wings sounds immediately over his head. Faintly, he also hears a horse trotting in the 80 distance, going away, and again he senses the wing of a large bird brushing past his shoulder.

Despite the steam, Andy opens his eyes. He sees no bird but a figure, an ancient man, an old one seated beside him in the lodge. The old one reaches out and touches Andy on the arm. Although it is only a touch, the arm gathers weight like it is a rock, heavier and heavier. Andy finds he is the rock, sunken in a stream, water rushing over him. He is on the verge of choking. The old one touches Andy once more. He is returned to the lodge and he can breathe again. While Andy watches, the old one rides a white buffalo rising, disappearing into the steam as Louis once more frees fog from the hot rocks. Emerging from the haze, there is the sound of birds, of many birds calling. Joining the call, Andy hears children's voices, at first one or two, then, a chorus of many others. They all seem to be calling out to him. Gradually, the calling becomes whispers. As the steam cools, the whispers fade to nothing. The inside of the lodge is quiet and soothing. Andy sits breathing deeply. He is full of wonder at the world he has been in. Louis offers a final prayer and ceremony. The sweat is done.

Andy emerges from the lodge feeling drained, yet marvellously energized. Gordon has tea, bannock, meat and berries for them and after the long sweat they are all thirsty and ready for a feast. Respectfully, bringing a mug of tea to Louis along with a heaped plate of food, Andy sits down on the ground beside him. He shares with the elder the sounds and images he encountered in the sweat. Louis understands the revelations and wisdom that can come with ceremony. While they talk, Louis gestures to a nearby clump of trees, where a mob of magpies and crows is landing among the branches, making loud conversation. With a shiver, Andy recognizes that these are the ones who were with him in the lodge.

"Those messengers" Louis points his chin at the birds and tells Andy, "in the sweat. They have something to say to you still. There are steps that need to be taken.. .along a new path...your new path. The next generation, the children, the future...they are calling you to be there for them.

******************** 81

Vision We may live by it always, My brothers and sisters, It is spiritual, The inspiration we receive. (12)

********************

For some time following the sweat, Andy reflects on what he learned in the ceremonies with a renowned elder. At the same time, he stays firm and keeps up with physio and exercizing his hand and arm. Complete recovery eludes him and twinges of pain prevent him from entering winter rodeos and from the heaviest labour on his father's farm. In frustration, Andy recognizes he must make a choice. If winning rodeos and physical work can no longer allow him to support his family, he will need to do something else. The future, his own children and others called to him in the sweat. Finding a way of achieving change for himself and for them is a dilemma.

Although he had not dreamed of it before his accident, Andy decides to return to school, to get his grade twelve or at least the courses he needs for admission requirements as an adult student so he can go to college or university. When he looks at the world and the speed of change, Andy considers it the wisest choice for his family's financial benefit. His First Nation sponsors adult education and agrees to take care of his programme costs. The Nation also gives Andy a small living allowance so that his family will not go hungry.

Andy's wife Cindy is amazed when he tells her he is going back to school. Until now Andy has been fiercely stubborn about returning to rodeo. Cindy never thought he would give it up, but is glad that he won't risk further injury. They both worry how they will cope financially; the living allowance given by the Nation is minimal. Still, she hopes that Andy will be home more with the family.

Harold is less pleased to see Andy go back to school. Harold left school himself as soon as he could escape. Residential school taught him to loathe everything about such places. He sees no need for further schooling; rather, he is wary of the potential harm that 82 might come to his son. He wants Andy to stay working with him on the farm. Harold and elder Louis Sunchild talk with Andy, emphasizing that going to school to leam the white people's knowledge is not the only path that he can choose for himself and his family. There may be many ways for him to build for the future, many ways to help his people. They tell him he has a range of talents, could be a leader. They believe he should apprentice with an elder. School means he risks losing his culture.

Andy weighs seriously the guidance of Harold and Louis. He values all they have taught him, whether it is farming or his spiritual traditions. He shares their fear that he may lose who he is. But, Andy wants to believe he can find ways to guard against the loss of his culture. It is a dangerous possibility when the mainstream is all around. He is troubled by the idea that education could pose a threat, result in a loss of self. Andy wants no part of losing his culture, but he must balance the old ways and traditions in relation to the life he desires for his family. Several experiences cause Andy to look at getting an education as his best option.

Travelling off the reserve for rodeos, Andy has seen cities and towns in Canada and several American states. He is able to compare how others live comfortably and have well paid jobs against life on the reserve, where there are next to no jobs and people live in poverty and despair. There are few opportunities for Andy or his friends and all their families.

Andy's children are young yet. He does not want them to live like so many on the reserve, ghost people, lost in gangs, drugs or alcohol, with no purpose. Andy dreams of good things for his children, wanting to see them do well in life, find opportunities for work, travel, happiness. Andy determines that if he wants these things for his children, he must be the kind of person he wants them to become.

While he's been going to rodeos, Andy has met lots of young people who ride who also go to school at agricultural college, technical school, some to university. He's curious to know what they are learning and preparing for life after rodeo. Andy also has a sense that 83 increasing his education will allow him to get a better understanding of how the white people think, and why they act as they do. He believes knowing these things might increase his chances of employment, might even allow him to help his First Nation deal with the surrounding society or the government and issues concerning his community. He is not quite sure exactly how this can happen, but he hopes he can learn things that will be useful to him, his children and maybe, potentially, to his people.

Andy assures his father that he will be careful not to lose his culture. He is sure that he is respecting the sweat and the old ones by trying out the education that the white people teach. He explains that there is much he wants to learn and that he thinks that knowing more about white people and the government can help to shape the future for his own son and daughter and the children of the community. Harold remains unconvinced about Andy's plans, but he and Louis hold a ceremony and call upon the invisible ones to support him. They involve Andy in more talks and assisting in rituals, eager to balance what he will encounter in school with traditional teachings, ways of knowing and understandings.

Louis shares stories with Andy that teach him more about his connections with his people and with the universe. So, shielded by his heritage and armed with his hopes for going to school, Andy begins his studies.

The Battle-Birds The battle-birds swoop from the sky, They search for the warrior's heart; They look from their circles on high, And scorn every soul but the brave. (13)

********************

With his decision made Andy acts quickly. He goes to the community college on his reserve in January and starts classes right away. He takes grade 12 Math and English, which he learns are the minimum he needs for admission to a university as an adult student. 84

So that he can be sponsored, he takes a third course. It is a class in Geography at the university level. Although he's not yet admitted or allowed to be a full time university student. Andy discovers he can take university classes on a part-time basis, one or two each term until he qualifies to be fulltime.

Andy is surprised how intimidated he is by returning to school. He is even more daunted by the thought of enrolling in a university course. He has had to leave rodeo and he doesn't want to get into something he can't handle, right now. Although, his return to school is largely because rodeo seems to be over for him, almost immediately he discovers he likes what he is doing and having a purpose. Learning about the geography of the earth is a completely fresh and enthralling experience for him. The world is revealed to him as a complex and wondrous web of continents, oceans, landforms, climates, and peoples. He thirsts to know more.

In the past rodeo took him further afield than anyone else in his family and Andy has seen some of the varieties of territories across the prairies, along the Rocky Mountains and into the hot, dry regions of the southwestern United States. Now he hears about immensely different types of geographic zones across the world, and that the land and diverse climates in those regions prove dramatic influences on people, how they survive, live their lives, customs they develop and even whether there is war or mainly peace. Andy quickly finds that he is fascinated by this new information, that he can look at his community and his people and see how some of what he is reading and hearing about makes sense right where he lives. He begins to imagine traveling like his instructor to some of the far off destinations in South America, Australia, Europe or Africa to see for himself, how others manage in their environments.

Although he is surprised by his unexpected enthusiasm for school, Andy's first semester at the college is a trying one. He is restless sitting for hours in classes with little physical activity. His reading is slow and his concentration after the accident still seems weak. He spends more time reading and studying than he ever did practicing for rodeo. His hand and arm get sore with new demands for writing. Andy is anxious until he learns he 85 has succeeded in all his courses. Then, he's eager to take a break from studies over the summer and get back to physical work.

********************

Earth Charm The earth is my medicine. It is powerful. (14)

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For four months during the school break, Andy farms with his father, assists Louis with ceremonial activities and takes his family camping beside the lakes on the reserve and in the mountains. He and Blake his son, who is now in his seventh summer, talk about how rain develops and makes the plants grow. Andy passes on these and other things he has learned in his geography course. Together, they explore the different plants growing beside lakes, streams and on mountainsides. They collect some of the plants and roots to take back to Louis and Harold to make teas and healing medicines.

Harold and Louis know an astonishing amount about the local plant and animal life and share it with Andy and Blake. Andy is keen to learn from his elders and protect this traditional knowledge. He appreciates that Louis' knowledge and that of his geography course professor were acquired differently. The two learning systems seem at odds with one another. Louis and Harold show him where the plants may grow, its neighbours and how the animals or people might use it. He learns to recognize a plant over the seasons, how it looks, smells or tastes. They teach him to respect the life of the plant and to value its existence. They tell him memorable stories how a plant or a rock came to be.

In his geography course Andy heard lectures, read textbooks, saw films, he memorized dizzying quantities of information detailed into lists and categories and he took his chances on multiple choice exams. The scientific language used in his university course by his professor and texts seemed foreign and the level of learning was more demanding 86 than his high school classes. Andy was always feeling unsure what his professor expected. With Louis, Andy can understand and anticipate the connections and relationships he learns. In geography, the answers to questions he often guessed at, hoping to identify what specific information the professor thought it was important for him to know.

Despite the contrasts Andy tries to connect traditional knowledge the elder shares with him about the local environment to the information about eco-systems acquired in his geography class. It's fim for him to share both types of knowledge with Blake and Jessica. When he teaches his children, Andy finds he understands some of the geography better as well. Andy wants to share what he learns from both traditions. And, he makes a commitment to seeing that both Blake and little Jessica know their heritage.

******************** 87

DeeDee

Dream Song

There as I was walking along While walking I see them There our relations There as I was walking along I see them. (15)

******

DeeDee Gallagher watches her four year old son Tyson enter the Pow wow circle with a group of 'tiny tots.' Waiting for the music to start, he stands tall with a hawk feather fan poised in his raised hand. At the first beat of the drum his arm sweeps down and his feet begin to keep time with the music as his steps follow the direction of the sun. DeeDee sitting with other families in the circle around the dancers and sheltering under a shady arbor of tree branches, smiles at the young people and their determined efforts to stay with the drum, move small feet to the music, show off their handsome regalia. Many perhaps, of these three, four and five year olds are dressed and dancing Pow wow for the first time. They wear traditional attire, leathers, beads, feathers, jingles, bold earth colours wrought by the hands of loving parents or grandparents.

Appearing at a Pow wow on a hot summer day before a large audience is a good challenge for the tiny dancers. Now, the drummers and singers test them a little. DeeDee claps when she sees Tyson adjust his steps to the changing beat of the drummers. All around the circle of spectators there are the sounds of clapping and whistles of approval as the little ones respond to an altering rhythm. There are chuckles too as a few of the youngest persist in their own unique rhythm.

On a blanket at DeeDee's feet, her not quite two year old, Michael, plays with a toy truck while keeping an eye out for his dancing big brother. Together, DeeDee and Michael welcome Tyson back from the tiny tots exhibition. DeeDee helps Tyson slip into shorts and 88 a T-shirt, tucking away his dance outfit and fan into a carrying case, so they will be in good shape for another Pow wow. Then it's time for juice boxes which DeeDee lifts out of the cooler sitting next to their blanket. The boys entertain themselves with toys and friends. They dart among the watchers, chasing and being chased by their cousins, visiting with family. When not in motion they watch the other dance types and age groups taking turns in the circle. Over the morning, there are traditional, grass dancers, jingle and fancy dancers. As the pow wow continues, the sun climbs higher in the sky making a warm day increasingly uncomfortable for dancers and spectators.

After bannock hotdogs from the concession for lunch DeeDee's boys stretch out on the blanket in the soporific heat. The beating of the drums soon puts them to sleep. For a time DeeDee chats with her mother and aunts, relaxing and socializing between moments of cheering for nieces and nephews performing their dances. Later, as she watches a group of grass dancers weave at the centre of the circle, it seems to DeeDee, that the heat of the sun is radiating back up from the ground. Sitting down she is sweating. For those out dancing under the sun, DeeDee is sure, their skulls, shoulders and feet must feel as though they will catch fire.

Before her eyes the dancers begin to flicker and waver in plumes of scorched air. DeeDee blinks, trying to clear her vision. The dancers no longer look like people. They are changing shapes against the horizon, hovering like birds above the ground, barely touching down. DeeDee sits transfixed as the bird dancers become like crows and magpies. The dancing circle travels towards her and then is all around her. The circle presses in and moves away, presses in and backs away a little. Nearby, the singers hunched over the drum also become birds. The drum beats furiously. In the haze of the sun the birds voice a strange song.

"It is time, it is time. Ay yaa! It is time. Seventh generation, seventh generation, you are the seventh generation. Seventh generation can make the future. Seventh generation make the future. Ayaa! Ayaa! It is time to begin." 89

DeeDee is unaware how long the song and the bird dancers last. She is unsure whether she is asleep, when the birds become human dancers once more. She is roused by Tyson speaking into her ear, "What did those birds want, Mama?"

Startled to find her son shares what she thought were imaginary perceptions, DeeDee looks all around and then over at her mother. But she is standing several feet away, visiting with a neighbour and hasn't been watching. Two of DeeDee's great aunties are sleeping in their lawn chairs, other relatives seem to have wandered off. Since no one seems able to confirm what she and Tyson have witnessed, DeeDee turns to her son, "What did you think of those birds, Tyson?"

"They woke me up," he declares. "The song was weird. What did it mean? Can I have juice? I'm thirsty." The sound of Tyson's voice rouses his little brother, and Michael too wakes up thirsty, whining for juice. The heat is affecting everyone. As DeeDee reaches into the cooler for cold drinks, she wonders whether the song and the message are for her. What does she need to do? How can she go about making the future?

Fire-Flowers And only where the forest fires have sped, Scorching relentlessly the cool north lands, A sweet wild flower lifts its purple head, And, like some gentle spirit sorrow-fed, It hides the scars with almost human hands.

And only to the heart that knows of grief, Of desolating fire, of human pain, There comes some purifying sweet relief, Some fellow-feeling beautiful, if brief. And life revives, and blossoms once again. (16)

ft******************* 90

In the weeks after the June Pow wow DeeDee thinks about the bird dancers and their song. She decides they are right. It is times that she prepares for and makes the future for her boys. She considers that this means she needs to try going back to school. The reserve where she lives is many kilometres from city schools, but she learns there is an adult education programme on the reserve and enrolls in high school completion classes in English, Social Studies and Science. She knows that her English language skills are rusty... she hasn't written anything for years. She needs many courses if she is going to finish her high school diploma. It's not easy tackling school again and DeeDee is scared to even think about taking a math course. Taking and failing math in the beginning, might discourage her completely. She believes there will be enough discouragement without trying her least favourite class as soon as she starts back to school and book learning.

The discouragement doesn't come just from her schooling. DeeDee's mother Lorena, rejects her idea of returning to school. She tries to talk her out of it and tells her the boys need DeeDee at home. Still, when it turns out that Dee requires the help, she agrees to watch the boys a few times a week while DeeDee goes to classes. At first Dee believes her husband Josh is going to watch the boys. But, when he takes DeeDee to school in the mornings, instead of going home with their boys, he sits in his truck by the door until she's done school. As soon as her classes end Josh drives her home. By then, the boys would be whining and crying after spending all morning sitting in the pickup. Finally, DeeDee asks Lorena to do the child care.

As DeeDee registers for her second semester, she acknowledges that going back to school is bringing challenges. She needs to spend more time at the programme and put lots of study time in. Tyson and Michael's father keeps hanging around the classes, although Josh is unwilling to take any courses himself. They fight about DeeDee continuing to go to school. One day when she insists on attending school and Josh doesn't feel like getting up to drive her, they have an angry fight. Josh storms out of the house, jumps into the truck, roars out of the driveway leaving DeeDee stranded. Josh is gone for the whole day. DeeDee can't get into school. After that, their fights seem to happen more and more. Josh disappears for days, one time for almost a week. Unless DeeDee calls on her mother or 91 another relative she misses school. DeeDee falls behind and begins to feel desperate. She worries that she'll never finish her diploma. DeeDee tries to show Josh that going to school is for all of them, for him and the boys.

Hoping to convince Josh that good things can come of her achieving her high school diploma, DeeDee tells him how with her diploma she'll be able to take some sort of job training. She shares brochures for programmes she is becoming interested in with him. She's pretty sure she wants to be a teacher. The only way to reach that goal is to keep going to school. If she becomes a teacher, she can help their children and other children in school on the reserve. DeeDee tries to encourage Josh to think about finding something he'd like to do.. .work or training he might want to take. Once or twice it almost looks like Josh will enroll in a programme or check out some jobs available near the reserve. Then, he just gives up without trying. Again and again DeeDee and Josh end up arguing. Often it's easier for her to cope if Josh leaves for a week with his buddies.. .whether it's hunting or partying. At least she can try to be optimistic about the future, concentrate on her sons and school for awhile. Fighting takes all her emotional energy.

Although DeeDee struggles a lot at home, she begins to regard school as almost a relief. She really enjoys the chance to talk with other people like herself, going back to school and who are positive about learning new things. The high school programme instructors are enthusiastic and surprisingly flexible. They help DeeDee get caught up from when she missed classes. They set out curriculum so that she can read ahead at home when she has the time and progress at her own speed. They show her how to find success on tests and exams. Before when she'd been a teenager in school, it was always the tests that used to bring her down and make her lose faith in herself. Now the instructors coach DeeDee and the other adult students so that they learn how to read test questions better and how best to answer on exams. As well, they don't pressure DeeDee to rush during tests. They give the students time to do their best.

One or two instructors seem to be aware of DeeDee's problems at home and they go out of their way to talk with DeeDee and tell her how well she is doing. One time she is so 92 frustrated about fighting with Josh, Dee begins crying over her books at school. Her teacher sits with her, telling her that she needs to keep coming to school, that she is really capable and if she sticks it out, she can go places. DeeDee stays with it...she doesn't quit, she doesn't give in. Not that time, or the next or the time after that. Her teachers keep supporting the work she is doing. After awhile, several teachers start asking her if she is going to go on to post-secondary...to college or university. They tell her they see a future for her as long as she is ready to work, ready to make school a priority.

In her third semester of high school classes, DeeDee announces to Josh that she is expecting another baby. Josh's temporary work for a pipeline company is just ending in a lay-off. When DeeDee tells him about the baby, he is pleased and excited. Then he starts to pressure Dee to quit school. School he insists will be too hard with a new baby. DeeDee is almost persuaded. At the last minute, she recognizes the baby is another reason, an important reason to keep going to school. Her sons, the baby and Josh will all benefit if she finishes high school and follows a pathway to post-secondary training.

DeeDee decides not to squander her chances for going on to teacher training. She doesn't want to abandon her own or the children's futures. Despite resistance from Josh, DeeDee attends classes throughout her last high school semester, finally forcing her way through mathematics. Josh creates trouble whenever he can and sometimes when he's drinking becomes threatening. He often tries to create fights when Dee is under the most stress from school exams or assignments. During one of their disagreements when Josh can't get Dee to quit school, he punches DeeDee in the face, knocking her down. Josh takes off again for several days. When he returns, Dee refuses to let him into the house. She realizes with Josh gone she feels safer and happier. She wants the baby to be born healthy and well. Once she is on her own with her boys, Michael and Tyson, DeeDee begins to dream of the possibilities and resolves that she will not let Josh hold her back anymore.

******************** 93

Duck Feathers

One spring Raven is flying across country, when he sees a large flock of ducks on a great lake below him. He hears those ducks singing and he wonders why those ducks with the beautiful voices are all plain white like the melting spring snow. On that day, Raven's pretty sure singing ducks should be a brighter colour. He decides to fly down and paint those ducks. So, Raven puts up a lodge beside the lake with a big warm fire inside and invites the ducks to come to a dance. The ducks enter one by one through the low narrow lodge door and Raven welcomes each one with a coat of bright yellow paint. Soon the lodge is full of butter cup yellow ducks dancing and singing around the fire.

Wisakidjak learns from the Jay that Raven is in the area and plans some mischief He finds Raven's lodge near the lake and peeks under the lodge skins. He sees Raven turning all the ducks yellow. Wisakidjak leaps up on top of the lodge, takes off his shirt and places it over the smoke hole. Before long the inside of the lodge fills with smoke and the dancing singing ducks are coughing and choking. They flee from Raven's lodge back to the lake. Raven pushes out of the lodge to see what is blocking the smoke hole, but Wisakidjak has taken his shirt and is hiding in the trees.

Raven tells the ducks there is no longer any problem with smoke and the ducks agree to return. Raven fixes up their yellow paint as each duck comes back inside the lodge. They are dancing around the fire and showing off their many fancy steps, when Wisakidjak drags up a broken tree limb to hold down the hide covering the door. Then, he covers the smoke hole again.

As clouds of thick smoke fill the lodge, the ducks and Raven push and shove each other out of the way as they try to push out the door. But, the door won't open. Soot from the fire falls all over everyone and the ducks coughing and choking search for the smoke hole and a way out, but it is closed up too. Then Raven hoists the bottom edge of the lodge on her back so all the ducks can scramble out. Wisakidjak hastily disappears in the trees beside the lake before anyone can see him.

Rasping and choking Raven discovers the tree branch across the door up to the roof and she finds a shirt still tucked in the smoke hole and pulls it loose. Raven suddenly leaps into the sky, yelling, "I know that shirt. That is Wisakidjak's shirt. He did this! Where is he? " Raven chases after Wisakidjak as he weaves among the trees, racing around the lake.

Still gasping for air, the ducks line the shore of the lake, clearing their throats and washing. They are dirty with soot some of which runs off in the water, but the ducks are no longer yellow. They are mostly dirty brown. Wisakidjak on the run from Raven, sneaks out of the woods and tells those ducks that he can make them beautiful. Quickly, he starts colouring the ducks' heads green. When he hears Raven with his smoky cough coming through the trees, Wisakidjak races away. 94

Raven comes up and sees those ducks are all brown and now they have green heads. Raven wants them to be the yellow colour she intended them to be and tells those ducks to come into the water and wash off the soot and the green. Lots of the ducks splash off the green, but the dirty brown of the soot is deep in their feathers. They stay brown. Several ducks standing on a high shore bank discover their reflections, their green heads shimmering in the sunshine on the water. Their green heads look especially nice next to their brown body feathers. Those ducks think they are now pretty beautiful ducks.

The green headed ducks call out to Raven, but now their voices cough and quack since their throats are clogged with soot. The quacking ducks show Raven, how green feathers glow in the sunlight. They ask Raven to let them keep their green heads. The all brown ducks swim up admiring and mingling with the ducks that still have handsome green feathers. Raven scratches his beak. He can't understand why those ducks want to keep their heads green. He's tried to make those singing ducks butter cup yellow, but they like this change better. Those ducks are happy being brown, happy being brown and green.

Raven coughs trying to clear smoke from his throat. He and the ducks have had enough painting, smoke and soot. With a croak, Raven agrees. These ducks can choose the change and the colours that make them happy. In the trees behind him a twig snaps. Raven leaps into the air ready to pounce on Wisakidjak.

***•#*************** 95

Charlene

Sun Dance Song The sun Helps me to stand. The sun Helps me to walk.(17)

******

In September, Charlene brims with fresh confidence as she pulls into the parking lot of her new school, Andyander College. High school is behind her and she feels more than prepared. Her excellent grade point average ensured she was quickly accepted into College and able to select from a range of courses, some in subject areas she's never heard of before. She is eager for the larger experience of a city school and to plunge into a mysterious world of ideas. She is also looking forward to the birth of her third child. Over the summer Charlene found out that another baby was on the way, the Creator giving her a new precious gift. She's glad that her minor morning sickness is no longer troubling her. She glows with happiness, anticipation and good health. She's certain that there is no stopping her now.

Locating a parking spot in the huge, rapidly filling lot proves exceedingly difficult and by the time Charlene is parked and rushes into the building she finds herself surrounded by strangers some of whom stare at her. Others ignore her so that she must push through the crowd and down the halls searching for the classroom number on her schedule. Puffing for breath, heart racing she enters her classroom several minutes after the professor has begun to speak. Stepping through the door, Charlene realizes she is standing at the front of the class. Ten or more rows of desks rise in a layered semi-circle above her. Each long curved writing surface has a dozen seats behind it, most are occupied. Row after row is filled with non-Native faces. All the faces are looking down at her. The professor, a small woman wearing a black suit, turns from the podium in front of the class and with eyebrows 96 raised glances blankly at Charlene. The instructor hands over a sheaf of papers and waves Charlene in the direction of the nearest empty chair.

Charlene is conscious of the stares of the other students as she ducks into a front row seat. Under the gaze of the professor and the class full of students, Charlene's face burns, her ears pound with the thunder of blood. She holds her breath, miserable and mindful of the stereotype of 'Indian time,' the assumption that Native people are always late. She hopes to disappear into the back of the chair. She wishes she was anywhere but here. Charlene looks down at the course information just handed to her. She can't seem to hear the words of the professor. Then to her secret joy, the classroom door opens once again and three non-Native students arrive. They too receive handouts and are directed to the last empty seats in the front row next to Charlene.

Gradually, Charlene finds she is able to forget her concerns about any quick judgments of others, and her fears about stereotyping. She digs in a pocket for a pen and begins to take down what seems like important information. The instructor is describing how the course in Women's Studies is to proceed. Charlene scrambles to keep up with the speedy delivery of the professor and grasp the details. It is the first course related to women that she's ever heard about and Charlene is keen to discover what she'll be learning.

The professor repeats sternly that there's lots of work in the semester. Charlene is startled to hear that she will have four books to read and two papers to write for the professor, an exam in the middle of the course and one at the end. There is subdued grumbling from the other students around Charlene. Those seated nearest her don't seem to have expected the amount of work the professor requires. A student behind Charlene, whispers loudly to a neighbour, "I'm out of this class!" Without waiting until the end of class a small group gets up and leaves. Charlene wants this course, although the work sounds discouragingly heavy. She doesn't know what to think.

Attending two other introductory sessions for different courses, one in Journalism, the other in Psychology fills Charlene's schedule. Journalism is an area she's considering 97 as a career option. The class is about the same size as the earlier one for Women's Studies, but in the Psychology course there are almost two hundred students. Charlene sits near the back and struggles to hear the professor. The course has four exams, but no paper. The Journalism course includes lots of reading in addition to weekly writing assignments.

By the end of the day, the confidence with which Charlene started out is slipping away. She's feeling pressed. She likes her course topics, but the combined work of these three classes is many times greater than her high school studies. Charlene wonders if she can meet all the requirements in these courses. She wants to prove herself at Andyander College, but already doubt is setting in. The professors speak from platforms and behind lecterns. They seem distant, humourless, and impatient of questions. She is faintly alarmed by and wonders at this aloofness.. .it is so reminiscent of some of the coldest of her high school teachers.

Refusing to be discouraged, Charlene begins each school day of the semester rising early before the sun is up, allowing herself time to smudge and greet the day. She checks the sky for crows and magpies. They are often outside her home even yet, making sure she goes to school. Their calls can be encouraging, reviving her sense of purpose and her desire to learn. Charlene showers, dresses quickly and organizes her books and papers in her knapsack for school.

In the kitchen she prepares breakfast and lunches for herself and Denny. Her husband is up early as well so they can usually eat together. Charlene gets the twins up and dressed. Denny has only a short drive to work, but likes to be first into the work site, so he leaves the house shortly after everyone is up. Happily, the daycare provides breakfast for the little ones. Most mornings Charlene gives each of her girls half a piece of beef jerky to nibble on until she drops them off. Before everyone gets in the car, she steps across to Kohkum's place to wish her good morning, to laugh with her over the twin's latest mischief, and discover whether she has any shopping that needs to be done. 98

Loading the girls into car seats Charlene takes them the few miles into the community daycare located near to the Nation's administrative building. Following the wrench of hugs and kisses, she climbs back into her vehicle for the fifty minute drive to Andyander College. She tries to arrive before nine o'clock so that she can purchase a tea and enter the first class early, get her choice of a seat near the front. She looks over her notes from the last class or finishes some reading. Charlene tries to ignore the chatter and laughter that builds around her as the other students arrive and fall into conversation with one another. She concentrates on her books, excluded from the budding friendships around her.

Daily in each of her different classes she learns something previously unknown. She is intrigued to realize how women have been regarded historically in Canadian society or elsewhere in the world, to read articles by journalists on amazing subjects and try writing in a variety of styles. She is fascinated by the science of human behaviour and the question whether reflex or reason may control people. At the same time, she feels a growing sense of unease...she suspects that the way psychologists make their studies is disrespectful of creation. She wonders at the way she is being taught. In psychology they don't look at behaviour in relationship to its setting, instead they experiment with unnatural tests as though they weren't talking about people at all. When she thinks about this scientific approach it makes her feel at odds and uncomfortable with this Euro-Canadian knowledge.

As the weeks pass, Charlene tries to balance what she is learning with traditional understandings. Generally she is enjoying her studies, reading and writing, although some topics are more challenging than others. Other times, just being a student she finds can be pretty challenging especially on the days she is pushed for time, or if she has to cope with unruly or sick twins, her visit with Kohkum lasts too long, or the weather makes the roads bad. On those days, Charlene comes into class feeling the stress, rushing to secure a seat, and trying to look past unfriendly glances. A few times she is forced to ask a reluctant student to move a knapsack so that she can sit down. 99

During the school day Charlene takes notes in three long classes. Often it seems her hand hurts from all the writing. Between her classes she eats lunch alone at a table in a hallway. She briefly spends free time reading and researching for the next due assignments, in the library, where there is so much to explore...not that she has much time to look at anything beyond what needs to be done immediately. Spare time seems like a rare luxury. When her third class is done for the day, Charlene climbs back into her car. She makes a brief stop doing any shopping, groceries or necessities for Kohkum and the family, contending with busy city shoppers and traffic. As soon as possible she steers her car to the highway anxious to travel home.

Back on the reserve, Charlene breathes again. She is able to feel more relaxed. As she picks up the twins there are always familiar people and friends to chat with and pass the time of day. At the family compound, she drops Kohkum's shopping off at her house, has a few words with her father or mother if they are in, goes home to prepare snacks and supper for the twins. Later over supper the family shares the day's activities. The twins sing new songs and tell stories. Charlene tells her husband and children some of the things her teachers talk about in class. For instance, women in Canada didn't have the right to be people or to vote. A Russian named Pavlov made dogs salivate when a bell rang. Some of the things she is learning seem strange and Charlene and her husband debate about how these white laws or scientific ideas may or may not apply to a Cree way of thinking and doing things.

Charlene and her husband take turns putting the twins to bed. Charlene likes the twins to go to bed shortly after supper. Once they are down, she must pick up her books and read. Every week there are quantities of reading and she has at least one written assignment in journalism. In her Psychology course she has frequent tests. In no time at all mid-term exams need to be written. Her evenings are long, full of the work to be done, and she falls into bed late at night knowing that even if there is no school the next day, she has a paper which will take the better part of the week to write.

******************** 100

Shaman's Song They gave me A shaman's power; They gave me mental strength, The good supernatural beings.

They opened up the sky; they saw me as they peered down. (18)

********************

Charlene makes it through the first semester at Andyander College. Her success makes her proud. But she is disappointed that her grades from first semester are not as high as she wants. She worked hard, and she strives constantly to figure out what is expected of her. Her grades at final exams turn out better than midterm marks. Charlene kept coming to school despite loneliness and feeling like an outsider. She made the drive almost every school day, sometimes on treacherous roads in late November snow storms. She missed one day and part of another because of weather and only two other days when the twins were sick. She is ready for the second term and is intent on seeing it through.

Heading back into classes in January she is more aware than ever of the unfriendly gaze of her classmates. Charlene's pregnancy is showing. Her round belly precedes her into classes. Students stare at her with hard and critical eyes. The young women gossip turning their heads away, and in the halls they dodge around her as though she is contagious. Charlene pretends not to be aware of these attitudes. ..how she feels singled out, stereotyped in popular imagination as 'typical'.. .a pregnant Native girl. She is glad to be having this child. She is glad to be going to school. She won't surrender to the silence and almost tangible contempt aimed at her.

Halfway into the second semester, her pregnancy, course work demands, and the needs of her family accumulate so that Charlene becomes totally bogged down. She has learned that her baby is due early in April.. .before the term ends. Plus, there is so much work, so much reading. The professors' expectations are even greater in this second term. 101

There are longer papers to write. And Charlene is tired, so tired. Her body and mind demand that she rest, get some sleep. In her courses she must read, read, read, write, write, write. Long days and evenings are extra fatiguing because of the commute to and from school. These are hours in which she sometimes struggles to stay awake. Anxious to hand in her assignments on time, Charlene fears it is not her best work and her grades are not improving. After how well she performed in high school she worries that at College she is stuck on 'C' and can't seem to capture the higher grades she wishes to obtain.

At home, Charlene juggles family needs with the increasing workload of her courses. So much of her time is dedicated to school requirements. She finds her low level of energy makes it a strain to play with the twins, maintain her home, and spend time with Denny. Gradually, she relies on her husband to entertain the twins more often. Sometimes she even allows herself extra sleep on those days when the twins are playing at relative's houses. Although there is always school work to do, Charlene stays motivated by getting some of the rest she needs and a little distraction visiting Kohkum or her mother. They like to fuss over Charlene, make her lots of cups of tea and baked bannock. They enjoy telling her what her sisters, brothers, nieces and nephews are doing. It feels like ages since she spent carefree days visiting, shopping or going to the hairdresser with a sister.

As the due date for the baby comes closer Charlene pushes herself to go to school. The chorus of crows and magpies flock outside in the yard making sure that she leaves for school. The commute feels longer every day she does it. The walk to the classrooms seems never ending with doorways teasing her...travelling away as she approaches. The chairs in the classrooms are harder, narrower and more uncomfortable; she can barely fit her stomach behind the desktops.

When she thinks about the baby coming, Charlene feels a thrill of excitement, knowing the baby will soon arrive. Still there is worry about how she will do her school work, keep her courses and not lose the semester. Charlene resists any suggestion from family that she drop out. School is too important and she has worked too hard to lose her semester. She prays the baby will arrive after classes end. 102

DeeDee

Inspiration The bush is sitting under a tree and singing. (19) ******

Completing high school makes DeeDee more excited about going on to university and teacher training. She experiences her first taste of university at the community college on reserve. Her courses are unlike anything she has ever encountered in school. Her teachers are called professors. They behave in a more distant manner, but expect more work from her completed by herself, than her high school teachers. But, at least the professors who come to the reserve to teach seem willing to offer small bits of guidance. They take time to explain what they want DeeDee and her classmates to know and understand. Although they use some new and tricky language that catches Dee and others out, they make an effort to explain and don't leave them wondering what's being said.. .or asked.

Dee is soon taking university classes three days a week, fulltime mothering Tyson, Michael and baby Carrie, working part time two evenings a week at the elders lodge. Her days are busy and long. She's often tired, but she reminds herself constantly that this is what she wants to do... needs to be doing. These days, her mother and sometimes her sister both proud of her diploma, are backing her up with child care, days and evenings when she works or studies. Josh is gone. She hasn't heard from him for months. She is surprised that she is doing mostly alright on her own. She is calmer, even happier and gets more things done in a day when her energy isn't being ripped away by fights, worry or the feeling that she is doing something wrong by working to achieve an education.

Starting in the university programme at the local tribal college, DeeDee reconnects with one or two friends she made in upgrading, a few people she'd gone with to public school or high school. Now she also spreads her wings among familiar strangers...faces she's seen on the reserve, but the people are older or younger and so she knew them very little. That doesn't last long...within a few days everyone is starting to chat before classes. 103

The learning environment is unlike any she's ever been in before. One of her first classes provided by the college is about Native people and issues. It proves to be deeply interesting and deeply provoking.

Being an Aboriginal person Dee always thought she knew what that involved, but now she discovers some of the details of her people's history, some of the laws passed to disadvantage them, the Indian Act and others which lock Native people into a restrictive system and often hinder economic and every other kind of opportunity. It's a lot to take in.. .it's a lot not to get really angry about. The white instructor, Dr. Getty seems strange to the students. ..always telling the class to be 'objective.' DeeDee wonders what on earth being 'objective' is supposed to mean.

When she asks about objectivity, her professor tells the class that university students aren't supposed to get excited, enraged or emotional about what they're hearing. Scholarship demands a rational, intellectual approach. They're not supposed to take information personally. It's important for them to see the facts, explore information and ideas about events or places or strangers. They must 'view from an intellectual distance' and think about these things, not feel or be personally.. .emotionally touched. They're told they need to step back from information, learn the details, consider, weigh, be open-minded and critical, conceive an opinion only based upon evidence. But how do you learn about what's been done to First Nations people in North America, and not feel? The people affected are not remote. They are her friends, her relatives, her family. They are Native people like DeeDee, herself, across Canada. What's gone on ...what is still going on is personal! Even if certain issues or problems being discussed relate more to another tribe... it's all Indians.

University culture poses unanticipated demands on DeeDee and her classmates. What they are learning and the way they are asked to learn is challenging while in some course the subjects can be deeply compelling or unsettling. In her Native issues class one day, students are shown some television coverage about Aboriginal people living in urban areas and the troubled reserves that they came from. The images are of drunks and drug 104 addicts, prostitutes and panhandlers, poverty and ramshackle dwellings. When the TV show is over DeeDee and her classmates shift in their seats. The instructor begins asking for comment, "What do you think about the presentation?"

DeeDee isn't sure she can think at this point, let alone express her objective assessment about the story coverage. Inside she feels fury roiling up from her foot bones through every muscle and sinew of her body. No one responds to Dr. Getty's question. It isn't the teacher that troubles DeeDee and her classmates. It isn't even the question she's been asked. However, not getting any response, the instructor tries again, inquiring, "Do you believe the government is addressing Aboriginal people's needs?"

With her stomach twisting and throat choking, Dee believes she cannot speak without screaming. She looks at the floor, the tabletops, not at her classmates. No one seems able to participate. DeeDee checks the clock on the wall. She thinks she should leave, it's early to pick up the kids, but the fire inside her won't let her stay in her seat. DeeDee lifts her books preparing to leave. Her fellow students do the same. One after another they stand up. They begin to walk to the door. The instructor is confused by the reaction of the class, by the mass leave-taking. This is not the usual behaviour among a talkative, opinionated group that loves to share ideas. The presentation they've all watched appeared to the instructor as clearly a condemnation of government, but something else, some other understanding seems to have communicated itself to the students in the class.

Perplexed, Dr. Getty speaks quickly, hoping to catch the students, wanting insight, before they all disappear out the door. "Is this a white perspective?"

DeeDee is the first to turn back from the door, "Yes, it is!" "Yeah! It's always the same!" Everyone else follows her, quickly re-taking their seats. There's a chorus of "Yes, it is!"

"How is it a white perspective?" the teacher wonders. 105

DeeDee voices her reaction in an outburst, "There's never anything good! The TV, newspapers, the media all they ever show is everythin' bad on Indians.. .Natives. They never show anythin' good."

"It's like Aboriginal people are all rotten, on the street.. .drunks or prostitutes. If you watch the news, there is nothing good in our communities." One of DeeDee's classmates, Agnes speaks.

"They always show the worst about Aboriginal people.. .as though our culture isn't worth anythin', the people useless." Another student, Jennifer insists.

DeeDee feeling calmer offers, "There is no balance. Good things happen in our communities, not just bad. Many still practice our culture. We have pow wows and celebrations. We have spirituality instead of...a material society. People matter in our community, sharing with our families. It's not what we can buy.. .how much we own! Our culture has beliefs and values. Good ones!"

Jennifer agrees with DeeDee, "Our families come first, we support one another, care for each other. We care about the environment, our brother creatures, the earth...mother earth. Aboriginal people are succeedin' in many ways. But the media...they never report the good things.. .never cover the ways our culture keeps us goin'. Others might learn from us, you know! You never see on TV or the movies...even in university classes...it is all from white culture...the white way of doin' things.. .you never see that Indians have any culture worth sharing!"

Astounded by the students' reaction to the TV article, the teacher explains, "In my perspective this presentation isn't intended to attack Indian people. Truly, the reporter is faulting the government, the inaction and failure of society to care about or do something constructive to aid Native people in difficult circumstances. It isn't blaming Native people for what is happening." 106

"Even so," DeeDee adds, "in a way it does! The whole picture is negative. It shows Native people are on the street. They can't do anything for themselves. They have to be 'taken care of.' Not all Native people are livin' like that.. .or bein' taken care of. On the reserve when there are jobs people are workin'.. .in this class Native people are doin' pretty well, they're doing OK, learnin' for the future...maybe, considerin' what we are up against.. .government control and power. We know there are lots of issues...but here...now, there's lots of us not drugged out...we're in school...lots of us not on the streets....lot's of us raisin' our kids pretty good, wantin' to make changes, lots of us leadin' useful lives!"

"You're absolutely right! Many Native people are doing well, contribute much to society, and have accomplished a lot...and there are a great many Aboriginal people going to school these days," Dr. Getty responds. "So, if I understand what you are saying, sometimes, even by shows like this one we've just seen, where reporters are wanting to condemn the government, the media contributes to a bad image for Native people, when they only present what is wrong.. .all the problems?"

Heads nod in universal agreement. The instructor continues, "So, a one-sided, negative picture of Native people is all that other Canadians get to see or hear about." Once more heads nod and a further chorus erupts, "That's right!"

"Obviously, then, more and better reporting needs to happen. The problems though...that the media pointed out here...they do exist? Overlooking the problems won't solve them. Are there solutions? Is it up to the government to 'fix it' when it comes to these sorts of problems? Do you consider that it is up to government to find solutions for Native people? I see what DeeDee is pointing out. Here are all of you... going to school, looking for ways to make changes, as DeeDee says. So are the solutions up to government?"

"No, No!" the students compete to be heard. "We don't need more outside interference... government! Federal. Provincial...that's where the problems started! Government forcing Natives to do things. They need...to back off. It's up to us! We can 107 handle our own lives. We're not children. Our people have abilities...can learn to do for ourselves....manage...be self-governing! We can learn how to solve our community's problems. Governments, other people...they need to listen! Aboriginal people don't want outside control. We need freedom to learn to do things for ourselves."

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Coyote and the Great Spirit

There was once a Great Spirit who was good. He made a man and a woman. Then Coyote came along. No one made Coyote; he always existed. The Great Spirit said to him, "Coyote, have you any power? "

"Yes, " said old man Coyote, "I am very strong. "

"Well, " said the Great Spirit, "supposeyou make some mountains. "

So Coyote set to work and made Chief Mountain. He shaped it up, and named it. The other mountains were called blood colts. Then Coyote moved Chief Mountain and put it in its present location. Coyote admired his handiwork. But he could see that mountains might be a difficult place for the man and the woman and the other animals to live upon. So, Coyote set to work once again. He took a piece of Chief Mountain andflattened it out until he made the Sweet-Grass Hills.

"Well," said the Great Spirit looking at Coyote's mountains and the Sweet-Grass Hills, "you are very strong. "

Coyote liked the sound of this, "Now, " he said, "there are four of us - the man and woman, you and I. "

"Alright, " agreed the Great Spirit. The Great Spirit began to set new tasks for Coyote.

But Coyote was restless and said, "No, you make another man for that. I want to keep moving and see the world. "

Then the Great Spirit told Coyote he should be a traveller. He should go out among the people and the animals, and teach them how to live. So, Coyote set about wandering. (20) 108

Cycle II Stories of Challenges

Charlene

Battle Song How am I going to do in this War? (21)

******

Sunday night before the last week of classes Charlene dreams about one of the stories Kohkum likes to share with her. It is about a baby falling from the sky who brings good things to the people. She awakes to discover that her baby is on its way. Nature makes its own choices and it is wise to understand this. Charlene rouses her husband and calls her mother to let her know they soon will be on the way to the local hospital. Shortly her mother arrives to watch over the twins. Charlene and her husband drive through the darkness of the early morning, reaching the hospital before dawn.

Her contractions are only short minutes apart, Charlene is quickly admitted. This is not her first baby, so while her labour is shorter than last time, it is intense and exhausting. By late morning, Charlene feeling limp but happy is sitting up in bed showing off the baby. Denny hovers proudly by her side as they admire the baby. Her father, mother and the twins arrive, joining in the admiration. The twins scramble onto the bed beside her and Charlene shows them their little sister, the Creator's newest gift.

With her family all around her, Charlene tells them about her dream the night before. Her parents know the story of course, but she tells the twins about the baby falling from the sky. Then she says, "So, because of my dream...I think this is our little sky child. I think we should call her Sky." Baby Sky is welcomed into the family. Her grandfather initiates a ceremony, lighting some sweetgrass. They smudge as the smoke wafts around them and they breathe it in for strength and purification while prayers are said over the new 109 life. Charlene and Sky rest overnight in the hospital. Next morning they return home. They continue to nap together during the day, each needing the buffer of sleep. When Sky is awake she is hungry and anxious to be fed. Charlene marvels at her new sky child while she feeds her, changes her, and nuzzles her delicate fingers and toes. The twins clamour to be included and to hold the baby. They want a share in attention too, and want their mother to play with them after school, to fix their favourite foods.

Two days after Sky is born, Charlene returns to Andyander College. It is the last week of classes and she urgently wants to know what she might have missed in lectures while she was in hospital and at home with Sky, and what information the professors will give about the final exams. Charlene is nursing her baby, so she carries Sky with her. The baby is wrapped snugly in blankets and laced into a heavily beaded moss bag. It is one of the most beautifully decorated baby carriers made by Charlene's Kohkum for newborns. It holds Sky in womb-like warmth and security as she is toted to her mother's classes.

Ignoring the open stares and hostile gazes of her fellow students Charlene places a sleeping Sky on the desktop next to her during lectures. She looks past the grudging responses of professors when she tries to find out from them what she missed while away. Sky sleeps soundly through classes and does not disturb Charlene's classmates or professors. Charlene fears how these others might react if Sky were to make any noise. The people at this city college do not have any time or patience for young children. By the end of her first day back to classes, Charlene is nearly fainting from fatigue. She returns to her car and knows she must close her eyes for thirty minutes or so before she tries to drive home. She is surprised awake by the cries of a wet and hungry Sky, an hour later.

Back at Andyander College for the last day of classes, Charlene forces herself from lecture to lecture. In her classes she strives to pick up any tidbits about what may be asked on the final exams. She holds Sky close as she treads down the halls, across the eating area, into the library to find some last minute journal articles to use as sources for a paper. Charlene is just too busy with the new baby and physically exhausted at night to complete her final paper in only another couple of days. She forced herself to ask the professor for a 110 few extra days and permission to hand the paper in late. He suggested that she take a week. She is only partly relieved, knowing that she needs to study for exams. Spending too much time to finish the paper could jeopardize her grades in other courses.

Charlene seeks out a librarian to help her locate some books for her paper. The librarian is helpful and is the first person at Andyander College to be interested in the baby and inquire about Sky's colourful moss bag. Carrying the baby and a knapsack extra heavy with library books, Charlene struggles to her car at the end of the day. Once more she takes a short nap before driving home to her family.

Her post baby fatigue does not pass. Charlene's quick return to school seems to have multiplied how tired she feels. Yet, she has scant time for resting. On the weekend, Charlene responds to the pressures of the coming exam week and digs deeply into her energy reserves. While the baby sleeps beside her, she completes her final overdue paper, writes the last section of a report which is also late and begins the review of course work for her first exam. In the evenings she prepares a meal for her family and manages play and bath time with the twins. As soon as the children are asleep she falls into bed herself knowing that she will be up very soon for Sky's first night time feeding.

Returning to Andyander College the following week Charlene hands in her late report, her extended paper early, and takes the first of three final exams. Sky travels the College halls in her mother's arms. The baby sleeps on the ride to school after her morning feeding and she's still sleeping peacefully. Charlene is concerned to discover that the room where the exam will be written is an auditorium, with several hundred seats and folding tables. She scans the room until she sees some familiar people from her class, and follows them to the allotted section of seating. The exam supervisor handing out the exams gives Charlene and the baby a frowning look, but doesn't seem to know what to say. Charlene looks away, staring down at the exam on her desk. When permission is given, she races to start the exam. Ill

It's a long exam and Charlene studied many hours to prepare, but not as many hours as she wished. It just isn't possible to stay awake studying when every night her sleep is broken by the baby. During the exam, Sky continues to sleep and only begins to stir after two hours, as Charlene rereads what she has written for the last essay question. As the baby's eyes flutter open and her little mouth purses, Charlene reluctantly puts down her pencil and gets ready to leave.

Outside the exam room, Charlene rocks the baby gently so that Sky won't cry. She crosses the hall to a washroom, takes Sky out of the moss bag and changes her diaper. Stepping back to the hall, Charlene realizes with shock that she is dizzy and her legs are weak. She moves shakily to a bench against the wall, fearing she may fall over or drop Sky. She leans over trying to keep from fainting, clutching Sky across her lap.

Students crowd out of the exam room. They pay no attention to Charlene and the baby. The foyer outside the auditorium is briefly filled with noise and movement as the students rush away. Charlene slumps on the bench with the baby in her lap, trying to recover from her exhaustion and dizziness. Sky whimpers thinly, calling to her mother. Alone again in the hallway, Charlene lifts her sweatshirt and nurses her hungry baby. As she entwines her fingers with Sky's, Charlene's tears slide down her cheek and fall softly in the baby's hair. Somehow, Charlene must get through two more exams before she can rest.

********************

Bird Dream Song I dreamed I saw as I walked along that beautiful bird he stopped that beautiful bird he stopped oh he stopped (22)

******************** 112

Something won't let Charlene quit, those crows and magpies perhaps, or the twins and Sky, or her parents, her own dreams and wishes. Charlene couldn't believe how tough things got the last weeks of her pregnancy and after Sky was born. She was completely fatigued, without sleep, scared all through exams and depressed for some time after. For several weeks she had nightmares that she had fainted and dropped Sky. Other times she was sure she had failed her exams and wasted a semester. Finally, grades came out and she discovers she has passed. While 'C' is still her average grade, she's proud to have earned a 'B-' in her Women's Studies course. Charlene walks on air for a time when she sees that mark.

During spring and summer, Charlene takes a break and devotes her time to Sky, the twins, her husband, Kohkum, her parents and the rest of the relatives. She sleeps, visits, plays with the children, makes progress with her beadwork, camps out at powwows, picks berries and sage, and dries meat from a hunt. Charlene's activities allow her to recover and to evaluate how to proceed with three young children, a home, and her thirst for going to school. She admits reluctantly the experience at Andyander College in the winter semester left her drained, on the point of illness. There was so much to handle and the two hours or more of driving every day, just made being in school a great deal more difficult. Leaving the baby in daycare or with relatives during all those hours when she'll be away at school seems unimaginable. The twins still need her attention, too. Her family must come first. Instead of travelling the long distances, to the city, she decides it's best to take whatever university courses she can back at Pipestone Community College while her family is so young.

Returning to PCC, Charlene is surprised how much she missed the small college. It feels like coming home. She encounters familiar community members in the parking lot, friends in the hallways and classrooms. Although the narrow halls of the old residential school building are crowded before and between classes, it is a small number of people compared to the city college, and the people are like her...they are Native. She hears conversations in Cree, there is easy laughter. Instructors are visiting with students in the halls and classrooms. As is her custom, Charlene arrives early carrying Sky who has 113 outgrown her first moss bag and is sporting a larger one recently made and beaded by Kohkum.

Even though the distance to PCC is a short one, Sky responds to the motion of the car and is sleeping. Charlene glances quickly at the schedule she's been given. PCC offers only a very few university courses to choose from each semester, so no more journalism studies for awhile. She has chosen from a short list and is registered in Canadian Studies, a Canadian History course, and Developmental Psychology. This afternoon she is attending Canadian Studies and she is curious because the topic is Native peoples. She is wondering what will be said in a university course about First Nations.

Charlene takes her seat as other students look for places behind the tables in the spacious room. As seats fill, she finds her first class has just seventeen students in it sitting behind tables which form a semi circle of sorts. Then a short plump female professor bustles through the door, removing a jacket and juggling two or three books. Several students greet the professor enthusiastically, so that her progress to the front of the class is gradual as she briefly laughs and chats. Reaching the front of the class, the instructor notices Sky in her moss bag and comes over to Charlene, asking the baby's name, how old she is. The teacher seems thrilled to have the baby in the class. Charlene's new instructor admires the beading on Sky's moss bag and asks if she can hold the baby. Charlene a little surprised, hands her Sky.

Taking the baby in her arms the instructor returns to the front of the room and begins the class by introducing herself as Professor Ross. She explains she taught a different course at PCC the previous year. To deliver her courses she drives out from the University in Calgary once each week. Then she introduces Sky to the class and takes the time to request each of the students to say a few words about themselves, their families, their goals. This Professor Ross is unexpected. Charlene warms to the atmosphere in the class and reception she and Sky receive. A few minutes into introductions, Charlene is delighted when Professor Ross accedes to student demands and lets others in the class hold the baby. 114

An extended family circle forms as one person after another smiles over Sky and gently rocks her for a time before she is passed from one to the next, moving around the class until each has held her. Eventually, Sky is passed back to her mother, still sleeping, closely tucked in her wrappings, welcomed into the community of the classroom. When introductions are complete, Professor Ross goes on to speak about the topics the course will include. The class takes a short break before the lecture. Since the professor is at the College one day a week, rather than delay until next time, she will teach the first lecture session today. Students are given time to speak to her about the course, get a snack or coffee.

While most students seek out PCC's small cafeteria, Charlene nervously approaches Professor Ross. She tells her that she will leave the class if Sky wakes up. Professor Ross says she's fine with having Sky in class. As long as Sky isn't crying its fine to remain and feed the baby, so that Charlene will not miss any class content. The professor adds that if Charlene really does need to leave class, another student can share notes with her. As the students assemble after the break, Charlene talks to those near her who have children or grandchildren. With a grin, Louise who comes to sit beside Charlene scoops up Sky and arranges the baby across her lap. Professor Ross re-enters the class a fresh cup of tea in her hand. Quickly checking her notes she starts to speak about the diversity of First Nations cultures in Canada.

The next day Charlene and Sky are at PCC for another class. It makes for a long morning or afternoon when a week's worth of classes is delivered at once. On the other hand, there is a focus for each day, knowing what text to bring, what notebook, and Charlene's able to dwell on a single subject area. Her second and third courses have only fifteen students each. Several people were in the previous class with Dr. Ross, so that by the third day Charlene can claim a few budding friendships. There is no shortage of people to fuss over the baby, and in one course there is another infant a month younger than Sky.

Charlene and the other young mother, Karen, bond while they share parenting experiences and chat about their babies' sleeping and eating habits. When the 115

Developmental Psychology course gets under way, they learn they'll be studying how humans grow and develop from babies, to adults and seniors. Charlene is happy about her classes. Although there is limited course selection at PCC, those she has chosen are really interesting. She's learning relevant information that means something to her as a Native person, as a mother and parent. Even the Canadian History course begins with a focus on First Nations people before Europeans came to North America.

With an infant at home Charlene is glad she limited herself to three courses even though she is back at PCC. There is more than enough work with three young children to care for. Her classes run three afternoons a week and she is delighted that it only takes her short minutes to be home. During the day there is time to spend studying at the College or at home. She has more time and energy for Denny and the girls. Help is at hand if she needs it. Charlene can leave Sky with her mother on occasions for a couple of hours knowing she is doted on. Her mother helps sometimes with meals and Kohkum sends home bannock with Charlene every few days. While crows and magpies still frequent in her yard, they are quieter now, not pushing her vocally so much, content to watch Charlene faithfully, steadily learning.

The rhythm of student life at PCC, Charlene copes with much more easily for the next couple of years. There are many hectic times when there are tests and exams or projects and papers are due all within a few days. Yet, the professors at the tribal College comprehend and respect the other real life demands on students like Charlene. Somehow instructors like Professor Ross offer understanding and are adaptable, granting extra days to their classes for papers and allowing students to sit make-up tests after an absence. Once or twice when the kids become sick or she's sick herself, Charlene requests more time from a professor for an assignment. But, she promises herself, not to do this often. Increasingly she's able to begin to work on essays and reports several weeks before they are to be handed in. This way she knows she will have the necessary time.

At PCC, the informality and approachability of instructors teaching engaging course material makes learning appealing. Class discussions make knowledge meaningful and the 116 close involvement with their instructors and with each other encourages Charlene and her fellow students to keep coming back. Many people have things happening that keep them away at times, a 'lost weekend,' violence at home, or family tragedy. Despite such events, Charlene, Karen and Louise stick with school and become buddies, sharing setbacks, accomplishments, and much laughter. Flourishing at PCC, Charlene's grades begin once more to climb. Before long she has top grades in every class. She's aware of her growing skills and recovers much of her confidence. Charlene comes to believe that earning a degree is really within her grasp.

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Bear Dance Song I am moving along a road, although you may think there is none. (23)

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Leaving PCC is the last thing Charlene wants to do. After completing twelve courses at the community college and counting the credits from Andyander College, Charlene confronts the reality that to earn her university degree she will once again have to take courses off the reserve. Her interests have changed while she's been in school. Journalism is no longer her first choice and she has no great desire to return to Andyander College. Among the courses she's taken she's enjoyed her studies about Native peoples and gender differences the most. Charlene investigates universities in the province where she can take more courses and a major in Women's Studies. She thinks she should attend the programme at University of Calgary. Although the university is in a large city many miles from home, this will allow her to spread her wings in a new and promising place. It looks as though her family will be moving to Calgary.

While she's making up her mind, Charlene tries to persuade her best friends, Karen and Louise that they also should go to the university with her. They just shudder, shake 117 their heads and laugh. They say they won't go so far from home. They can get courses for a degree in Social Work, right on the reserve or go to Edmonton for Teaching. Edmonton is a lot closer to home. Charlene recognizes that she might just have to 'go it alone' another time among strangers. She talks with her husband.

Denny acknowledges the time for Charlene to transfer to a university has come. It just seems to have arrived awfully quickly. Now that Charlene is within a few years and courses of completing her degree, it's really necessary for her - for them - to decide the next steps. They both reject the notion of Charlene commuting four or more hours a day. The idea of Charlene studying and living by herself in a big city just isn't practical. How would the children be cared for without their mother? How would the family survive? As long as they are together, everything seems possible. Denny helps Charlene consider that life in the big city could be a change and an adventure for all the family. They agree on the need to move to Calgary in the coming autumn.

Nerves and excitement grow for Charlene, Denny. Their three daughters are too young yet to anticipate changes. Charlene begins preparing all her relatives for their departure from the reserve. The grandparents and parents and siblings don't want them to leave and take away the children. Kohkum is saddened to lose Charlene and the closeness they have shared. Charlene tells everyone, it is only for a short time. They will be home many weekends, at Christmas, all the next summer.

The application process to the university although scary turns out to be fairly easy. Charlene finds she can apply on the computer, but when she applies in the spring for Fall admission, she prefers to use a paper application. Her grades are so good that she is admitted soon after she applies. Then she must choose courses and register in them. It is a stressful, confusing process, sorting through requirements and trying to find her way through computer screen after computer screen. Charlene isn't too comfortable with computers. 118

When she tells the staff at PCC about her frustrations, they arrange assistance for her at the Native Centre which provides student services at the University in Calgary. One of Charlene's instructor's tells her most universities provide services for Native students. Some universities have special admission programmes, as well. Charlene hopes the available assistance means her new school will be more welcoming than the last urban college she experienced. Charlene meets with an advisor at the Native Centre. Together, they sort through her programme so she can be sure to take the right courses.

Her trip to Calgary brings a surprise when Charlene sees the size of the university. It is bigger than she'd imagined and seems so foreign after PCC. Charlene tries to mentally prepare herself for moving and being a student in the city. She's determined to succeed.. .whether there are many strangers.. .whether people are cold and unfriendly...whether her courses are difficult and the professors harsh. Charlene tells herself that she is ready, ready for new surroundings and new experiences. Because the university has a Native Centre, she hopes that there will be more Native students studying there and she will not be totally alone.

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Andy

Warrior Song The spirit on high Repeats my battle name. (24)

******

Back at school fulltime the following autumn, Andy takes three more university courses to establish solid grades so that he can apply for university admission when he feels ready. He tackles a Math course in calculus and discovers he can readily manage it in the small classes at the community college. He is impressed by the instructor he has for Math. All his College teachers bring excellence to their teaching for which Andy feels lucky. It is so different from his learning experiences when he was younger. Now, ten adult highly motivated students working closely with their Math instructor easily crack the mysteries of higher calculus.

During this term, Andy would like to have taken more geography or natural science courses, but lab spaces are too expensive for most tribal colleges. Andy elects to register in Political Science and English. He wishes he had more courses to choose from at the tribal college since he does not feel ready to leave the reserve yet, to go to a large college or university.

Enrolling in the English course Andy is told he will likely need it in just about any university programme in which he chooses to complete a degree. For Andy, English study is something he is reluctant to take on. He's not someone who usually reads unless he has to, and novels and short stories he considers removed from the business of day to day, rodeo, hockey or farming. Fortunately, his English instructor is a gem, who has a talent for making the stories come alive, and the classroom a relaxed and friendly setting. This teacher tells Andy that she thinks he is extremely brave to be going back to school and she is impressed to see him be the only male student in the class. 120

Early in the course with the guidance of his teacher, Andy surprises in himself an appreciation for literature. The amount and range of readings are challenging, but he keeps a dictionary close at hand so that he's able to look words up. He is learning a rushing stream of new vocabulary. The English language seems to contain an endless quantity of words and Andy resists frustration with so many rules, so many exceptions, and words with so many meanings. Every day he encounters new words and new layers of meaning in class.

While Andy has always gone to a school where he was required to do everything in English, university academic English is almost another language. When he feels overwhelmed at the torrent of words he's never heard before and is scrambling to learn, Andy complains to his teacher. She makes him laugh because she has no mercy and just fires another few new words at him.

"Well, Andy, don't be deterred by the magnitude of the mountain. Rome wasn't built in a day. We have an auspicious beginning! I urge you to subordinate your natural disinclination to climb a steep and slippery slope. Eventually, as you acclimatize, it is no hyperbole to say that what are now strange words, complex literary terms or jargon will become your close associates."

Andy doubts this very much and he's not sure what Rome is or what it has to do with anything. He and his classmates find the adjustment a constant challenge. English is so unlike their Native language in the way it expresses ideas. Strangely, a person or thing occupies the focus of a statement in English. In Cree it is the action that matters and has primary place. In addition, this English language seems inefficient to Andy. It's necessary to use long chains of words to express an idea. Cree words can be really long, but the point can be made or shared in just a few. Andy sometimes resents that university studies will all be in English. He's not alone in his frustrations but when he and his classmates talk, they grimly decide to push on. English is a baseline requirement. They accept how things are for the present. Andy and a few others envision how things might be in the future...university courses in their own language. 121

In the present, writing several pages for reports or essays proves a chore for Andy, but he keeps trying to use more and varied English words. His English instructor praises him for the work he is doing and comments on the changes, she is witnessing in his writing. Even before the term is over, it is apparent that all the study and practice are building his language and written English skills to a new level.

The course Andy really enjoys turns out to be Political Science. Similar to his Geography course experience in the first semester, Andy is exposed to much new information about the world. In Political Science, however, he is introduced to government systems around the world with about half the course exploring government in Canada. He learns how the political systems that evolved in Europe have been copied, transplanted and transformed in North America. Andy is intensely drawn to getting a better understanding of politics. He knows all too well that the political situation on his reserve is not a good one much of the time. The system can't seem to help the community, there is resentment against it, and there are often conflicts among family groups over politics. Sometimes politicians cheat the people. As well, Andy learns about ongoing disputes and problems, land claims and court cases between his First Nation and the Federal and Provincial governments.

In Political Science, Andy finds out that the government system on the reserve of an elected Chief and Council is imposed on his people - and all First Nations in Canada. This is a revelation for Andy. He begins to appreciate some of the roots of existing troubles, the challenges for the community and the leaders of the people. He discovers as well that power, political, legal and financial controls are held by the Federal government. It becomes obvious to Andy that at least some of the problems in the community stem from this non-Cree way of doing things and the outside processes forced on the people by government. Andy fiercely resents dependence and control squashing his people. He can't help but wonder how political systems can be changed or altered and whether traditional Cree ways for selecting a leader worked more effectively. 122

A single introductory course in political studies has just opened the door on understanding why things are as they are. Andy is determined to learn more.

*******************

Why the Mouse is So Silky

One day, on his wanderings in the land of the Swampy Cree, Wisakidjak saw a huge, round stone lying beside the rocky path. Wisakidjak thought that he would challenge the stone.

"Stone can you run fast?" he asked.

"Oh, yes," answered the stone. "Once I get started, I can run very fast."

"Good!' Wisakidjak said to the stone. "Then you must race me."

"I will," answered the stone, "ifyou can push me to where lean start."

With great difficulty, the maker of magic did so, and without waiting, the stone started to roll downhill, going faster and faster. Wisakidjak caught up with it almost at ground level. He believed he could beat the stone easily by barely trying and mocked it as he ran past. "You are a turtle," he laughed. "You cannot travel fast." The stone was very angry but did not reply.

Wisakidjak ran for a spell but he felt tired so he fell down on his face and slept soundly. The stone caught up with him and rolled up his legs and then onto his back, where it was stopped by his shoulders. It could roll no further.

Being a big and very heavy stone, it held Wisakidjak on the ground so that he could not move. The maker of magic had awakened in pain when the stone rolled onto his legs, but he could not escape in time.

"Roll off my back, stone," he shouted angrily. "You are a heavy burden; I hurt, and I cannot move!"

"You laughed at me when you passed," said the stone, "but you see I have caught up with you. Now that 1 have stopped, I cannot move until someone sets me rolling again. I must stay here."

For many, many moons, the stone rested on the back of Wisakidjak and the maker of magic could not help himself to get free. At last, Thunder decided to send some of his bolts of lightning to smash the stone and set Wisakidjak free. "And so, old stone, you are split 123 into small pieces and can't hold me here any longer," cried the wonder maker as he continued on his way.

His clothes had been torn and worn, so Wisakidjak threw his shirt, trousers and moccasins into a bark lodge which he saw nearby, ordering that they be mended. First his shirt, then his trousers followed by his moccasins were thrown back outside so quickly that Wisakidjak was astonished. He looked and saw they were very well repaired. Wisakidjak cried out in surprise. "Who are you in that lodge? Come out, so that I may see and reward you."

The maker of magic was much surprised when he saw a tiny mouse creep out of the lodge. It was an ugly, fat, rough-haired little creature in those days, with a short, stubby nose.

Wisakidjak picked up the nimble-fingered mouse. For the fine work that it had done he decided that it would be transformed. Gently he stroked its little blunt nose until it became pointed. "Now you will be able to smell out your food better," he said. Next, he brushed and combed the little creature's rough hair with his fingers until it became soft as down and smooth as the fur of an otter. "Now you will be sleek and swift as well as industrious," Wisakidjak said, and so it was. To this day, the mouse is soft and furry with busy fingers and a clever nose. (25)

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Andy

Drum Song Hear my drum Though you be Hear my drum Though you be On the other side Of the earth On the other side Of the earth Hia ai, ha (26)

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It is Andy's first day at the university. He is moving to the city to take the courses he needs for his degree in Business and Political Science. The move is necessary because there are not enough other students working on the same programme for the tribal college to carry all the courses he needs in order for him to be done his degree in a reasonable time. So, Andy chose to go on his own to the city. He doesn't want to disrupt his family. Cindy is back working and Andy wants her to keep the job she is enjoying. He just couldn't see taking his kids, Blake and Jessica away from their grandparents, school and their friends. Andy doesn't know what it's like living in a city. He fears it might be hard for his children, being Native kids in new schools.

Arriving in the city by himself, Andy searches through the newspaper for an inexpensive place and rents a room in a house. He is allowed to share a small kitchen and laundry facilities with three other students who each occupy a bedroom. Andy doesn't care that there isn't much space and that he is staying with strangers. This whole endeavour is taking him from home, from his family and community. He doesn't expect to have a good time and is prepared to make a sacrifice. He intends to sleep and eat at his rental accommodation only a few days a week and then he will hit the road for home. 125

Three days before classes actually start, Andy visits the university campus to tour the bookstore and purchase some supplies. Andy is astonished when he gets to the bookstore to realize that it is almost impossible to move from the press of students in the aisles and he has no notion of how to locate the books he will need when he meets with his professors. Andy abandons the paper and pens he has selected when he realizes that the lineup at the cash register is likely to be hours long. He feels like he is unable to breathe in the packed space of the bookstore, and ducks out the door, leaving the building in search of fresh air and open spaces.

Outside the bookstore he realizes there are a lot of people everywhere at the university and he wanders around for awhile, trying to get past his discomfort with all the young looking students, their haste and noise. Although the university is not exactly like being in the downtown core of a city centre, it is similar. Cities, Andy generally chooses to avoid. The small city of the university with its bustling crowds of students seems as suffocating as a downtown urban centre.

Tall buildings tower around him and close him in. In this foreign place Andy knows he can't stay frozen where he is, otherwise he will be overwhelmed. Shortly Andy concludes if he can't get his books, he should find where his classes might be among all these buildings. It just doesn't seem wise waiting until the morning of the first day of classes when there would be short times between classes and thousands of students in the hallways, crowding walkways, making it impossible for him to get between classes...especially since he doesn't know where he is going.

Andy digs out the timetable he printed from computer and discovers there are room numbers for classes, but the names of the buildings are a mystery. Andy believes he passed an information desk in the Student Centre when he was in that building. He returns to it and is able to speak with someone who can explain the shortforms and initials on the timetable and give him a map to the buildings. The same person asks him where his home is and learning that Andy is from a reservation in Alberta, inquires whether he knows there is a 126

Native Student Centre at the university. Andy thinks it might be worthwhile to go to the Centre at some point, but his priority now is checking out his classrooms.

Armed with a map Andy sets out across campus. He spends the rest of the morning looking for the right buildings and rooms for the four classes he is registered to take. By early afternoon, Andy is exhausted. It seems like he's been in countless buildings and the classrooms all the same...large and echoing! As well, he realizes two of his lectures are a fifteen minute walk apart. He only has ten minutes to walk from one classroom to the other. Andy worries that he'll probably need to jog the distance.

Andy checks the bookstore once more, but the lines of students appear no shorter. He thinks it's better to wait until he can talk to professors about how to locate the books he needs. Instead, Andy locates the Native Student Centre. There he is introduced to several staff members and some of the Student Association executive. He is invited to attend the orientation gathering for students new to the Centre before university classes begin. To his relief, a Native student shows him how to find a required text in the bookstore and advises him when to shop and avoid line-ups. After an hour in the Centre, Andy heads off campus still nervous and unsure what the first week.. .what the semester will bring.

$$a|e$:|c3|e$j|c;|c>|c3|e:9|e$!g|c9|c3|Es|c$:|c3|c 127

Raven Holds the Sun

The old one Tall Bear is ready with a Blackfoot story. He likes best to tell stories when his fellow old ones gather, but he knows when a story is out there, Coyote, Raven and Wisakidjak hear what they will. Tall Bear tells a tale about Raven since tricksters like to hear about themselves. Tall Bear lifts his wings, shaking out his feathers before settling comfortably on the tree branch he occupies. He begins: It happened one day that the people were teasing Raven, saying that he could not reach the sun. Raven was provoked into boasting. "Of course, I can reach the sun! I have been to visit the spirit of the Sun many times. We are related. In fact, the Sun is my father!"

The people laughed at Raven even more, challenging him to prove that the Sun was his father. They questioned and ridiculed Raven. "How can you be a child of the Sun? How could your wings carry you so far or so high to reach the home of the Sun? " they ridiculed him.

Raven was determined to show the people that he knew how to get to the land of the Sun. So, Raven went to his cousin Crow and borrowed his bows and arrows. Raven shot arrow after arrow high into the air where they stuck and formed a chain from the sky down to the earth. Raven called goodbye to the watching people and began the long climb to the home of the Sun.

When Raven reached the end of the magic chain of arrows, he cut a hole in the sky with his knife. Crawling through the opening, Raven came upon the house of the Sun. Standing before the lodge of the Sun, he called out, "Is anyone home? I, Raven have come up from the earth, climbed a chain of arrows in order to meet with the Sun. "

The Sun spirit was happy to have a visitor. He asked one of his daughters to invite Raven inside. He was impressed by the fine lodge, the good food and the hospitality of the Sun, and thought this would be a good place for him to stay. When the Sun invited Raven to speak, Raven said, "I have come from earth to see you. I am your son. "

The Sun spirit was a very old spirit, sometimes his memory was unsure. "I do not recall having a son on earth. If you say you are my relative, then I have no reason not to believe you, " said the Sun. "In fact, lam extremely glad that you have come from the earth to join me. I find it is getting more difficult to carry the light every day because I am becoming older and weaker. Since you are my son, you shall carry this burden."

The next morning, the Sun spirit woke Raven while darkness still covered the land and explained to him the rules for holding the light in the sky. "You must walk at a steady pace, and keep good balance. Walking too quickly can cause havoc, while walking too slowly might burn the earth below. Walking the sun requires patience and is not a game!" 128

Raven half-heartedly agreed to the spirit's rules, and the Sun placed the light in his hands. Everything started off smoothly with Raven walking steadily across the sky, and he could see below that the light spread over the earth.

The Sun spirit watchedfrom his home, making sure that Raven was following instructions and moving forward at an even pace. But around the middle of the afternoon, clouds began to gather in the sky, blocking Raven's path. Raven didn't stop to think how to get past the clouds. He began pushing on the clouds, soon he was running and dodging around them, or tossing the light over them. Suddenly, Raven tripped and dropped the sun down the hole he had cut in the sky. As the sun fell, the sky caught fire, while below the oceans began to boil. When the Sun spirit saw this, he reached down and grabbed up the sun before it hit the earth below and destroyed all life.

The Sun spirit returned with the light and was very angry at Raven. "You can't be my son! My offspring would not waste their turn or play foolishly with the chance to walk the sun across the sky. My offspring would not endanger the creatures of the earth or the lives of the people. Leave my land and do not return to this place!"

The Sun spirit grabbed Raven by his beak andflung him down from the sky. He hurtled suddenly into his village where the people laughed at the disheveled Raven until he stalked away in a huff. (27) 129

Charlene

Prayers to the Sun Look on us where we are going, Father! Take care of us, Father! Father! Take care of our road. Take care of us! (28)

******

"Be brave in a new world. Be brave in a brave new world!" Charlene chants these words daily to herself. The crows and magpies are with her once again. They seem to sense her hesitation, her growing trepidation about leaving home. So those crows and their cousins crowd her dreams and speak new thoughts urging her forward as she looks to the city and a place of learning belonging to others, to the mainstream.

Doing well in her studies on the reserve has let Charlene discover that she can do this university work. Another good thing about the tribal college experience was that some of the courses - not all, but two or three - included topics about Native people. And, learning with a group sharing an Aboriginal background helped when they often had the same questions and could work through how to do things together, sometimes in tutorial sessions. In addition to her friends and family, instructors have given her support in this change process. Professors and programme staff taught students an approach to studying, explained the inexplicable, encouraged the inclusion of her own cultural perspective.

Although there is much about a large urban campus she doesn't yet know, Charlene believes the university will be different. Not only does it represent Euro-Canadian knowledge and culture, but the university is in a southern city. Calgary is in Blackfoot territory! Indeed, Charlene must be a brave Cree woman to venture into a traditional enemy's territory...with plans to stay and study!

Charlene laughs at herself worrying about being in Blackfoot territory. She's been to Calgary many times before, but never with so much at stake. Since she is uprooting her family, Charlene wants her courses and programme to run smoothly so there will not be 130 delay in getting her degree. She must find where her family will live, a school for the twins to attend and childcare for Sky. There is a great deal to take care of, and Charlene bravely makes several trips to Calgary. It can't be helped. She stays in contact with students and the staff at The Native Centre. They make her feel really welcome and show her around the university. She sees the bookstore, some impressive recreation facilities but she is always appalled at the number of buildings. Although the university is quiet in the summer months, Charlene feels there are far more people than she is used to seeing even at Andyander College which she attended in the months before Sky was born.

At the Native Centre, Charlene inquires whether her family can live in university family housing. She learns there is a long waiting list. Then she tries the papers, the internet and the Student Union's housing and accommodations list. It's not easy to find an apartment that can shelter her family and that they can afford. Paying the high cost of city housing will make it hard to cope financially. She discovers that in the city rent alone will take three-quarters of her income. Until Denny gets a job in the city, her family will need to manage on a modest living allowance from her First Nation.

Eventually, Charlene locates a basement apartment, with a school and a daycare close by. While it's not someplace she wants to raise her family for long, she has to be in the city to accomplish her education. She is resolute. Nothing must stop her now.

As summer progresses, she packs belongings ready to move into the city. Even the pressure from her brothers and sisters and other relatives cannot hold her back. Her father tells her he is proud to see her going to university. He understands she is doing a difficult thing. Once more he tells her, "Education is the Key!" Kohkum gives Charlene a brightly beaded key chain, and a medicine pouch to guide her home.

At the end of August, Charlene's family loads a small trailer containing basic furnishings for their city apartment, mattresses, blankets and sheets, kitchen dishes, pots, cutlery, a sofa, and fall and winter clothes, a computer and some textbooks. Charlene buckles her girls into the backseat of the truck. She hugs all the relatives who have come to 131 see them off. Then, she waves to her two older brothers in their vehicle travelling to Calgary to help move the family into their apartment. "Okay, Let's go!"

********************

The Whirlwind

On the day the old ones gather to follow Charlene to the city Wisakidjak, Raven and Coyote lurk just below the horizon. The old ones in their guise as bird messengers call out to Charlene, "Aaw, aw, Caw! Kreck! Go forward Daughter. Go forward Daughter! Aw, Caw, Kreck!" then fly up, circling the vehicles below and finally pull south on their wings for the long flight to the city. Below, Charlene and her family briefly gaze after the company of the bird messengers before they also set out on their own roadway south.

Wisakidjak, Raven and Coyote have been lurking nearby and see what is happening. Raven turns to the others and croaks, "Looks like something is up! The old ones are off somewhere following the human beings! I'm going to fly after them and find out where they are going."

Wisakidjak objects to Raven taking the lead. He shouts. "This is Wisakidjak territory! I have the power in this place. Remember? In the north territory I have the say.. .and I say WE ALL go...wherever."

"You're the one with the say? I doubt it!" Raven screams. "I fly where I like!"

With these words Raven mightily flaps her wings and is borne high into the air, sailing south after the old ones, Charlene, and the motor vehicles.

Coyote sits laughing at Wisakidjak, yellow eyes flashing. He runs his tongue along his teeth. "Your territory, huh?" he asks? "We'll see 'bout that." Coyote jumps up. He lets a fart loose in Wisakidjak's face. Coyote trots off behind the old ones and Raven, heading south.

Wisakidjak snorts at the fart which is clinging to his face. He growls and grumbles. "Get off my face fart. This is my territory, I should be in charge. I say where we go." But, other than the fart there is no one to hear. Wisakidjak buries his face in some grass, scraping until the fart falls off his face into the weeds. Then Wisakidjak realizes he's being left behind. In a fury, he runs south after Coyote.

When he catches up with Coyote, they spot Raven flying above them, so they know the old ones are just ahead. Wisakidjak challenges Coyote to a race. He runs ahead, but soon Coyote bolts past and leads for a time. 132

When Coyote begins to tire, Wisakidjak takes the lead once more. Raven cackles and swoops down low over their heads, making Coyote and Wisakidjak dodge her sharp toe nails. Ducking Raven's attack, Wisakidjak stumbles and falls down a steep slope. Coyote racing behind falls over Wisakidjak. Together, they tumble and crash down to the bottom of the Red Deer River Valley.

Raven rejoices at the wreckage she has caused. Coyote sits up and rubs his banged head. He looks around at the valley and the river. A gleeful grin appears on his face. It grows until it is the biggest grin he has ever grinned before. "Oh-OH! Guess what Wisakidjak," Coyote howls? "Guess what, Raven?"

"What?" Wisakidjak looks suspiciously at the grinning Coyote.

Coyote puffs out his chest. "Not only am I the best runner...but this is south! From this river south.. .this is my territory! We're no longer in Wisakidjak territory. That puts me in charge! From now on, my power runs the show!"

Wisakidjak glowers at Coyote and Raven. How dare Coyote claim power or turn his own ideas about power against him. He protests, "No way! My territory begins wherever I am. I say what goes, and what goes for me!"

Barking a reply, Coyote insists, "Well, I say, this is Coyote territory, and I have the power! So, I say we stop here for the time being."

"I don't think so," Wisakidjak gets up to start south once more.

With a growl Coyote pounces on Wisakidjak tossing him to the ground. They roll in the dirt until. Wisakidjak fights free. Jumping up, Wisakidjak tries to run south, but Coyote leaps upon his back and they fight, rolling and spinning across the ground. Raven flies in circles faster and faster above Coyote and Wisakidjak's fight. Darting lower Raven calls out advice to them on how to best one another.

Soon, Raven dives in to join the fray turning the tumbling Coyote and Wisakidjak into a dark twirling chaos hurtling in circles. A great twister forms spinning crazily out of control, whipping up a giant flume of air, earth and debris. The racing black tornado dashes first east and then north, back east and into the west, before whirling wildly north once more.

The earth rips and scars where the power-filled twister passes. Sixteen sheds, four barns and two trailer parks are demolished while Coyote, Wisakidjak and Raven fight it out. The sun has traveled some way across the sky before the wonder-makers fall to the ground bruised and exhausted. No one has won or had any success in making the others acknowledge his power or obey his wishes.

The Sun spirit looks down on the three battered beings, glaring and snarling at one another with barely enough energy to argue. Behind the tricksters there is a trail of broken earth and buildings. "Foolish ones, what is the problem?"the Sun spirit asks. 133

Wisakidjak replies to the Sun, "There is no problem, as long as Coyote and Raven listen to me. We are going south, tracking the old ones, but Coyote and Raven are trying to make me follow their wishes."

Coyote and Raven protest loudly, "South is my territory! I have the power in the south!" Coyote claims.

"I fly where I want! I fly south when I want! My power goes with me." crows Raven.

The Sun shakes with laughter. "From what I can see, you are getting a long way away from South," he tells them. "Using your power against each other isn't doing anyone any good . If you want to succeed in going somewhere, why don't you help each other. Foolish ones, you'll never get there by fighting. If you want to go south agree upon it and work together."

"It's my territory. I should have the power," Coyote answers, unwilling to give in.

"Power can be shared. There is power in more than one working together. But, I don't want to see the power of the whirlwind destroying the land anymore. Show me the power of you going south in peace."

Stretched out recovering on the ground, Raven, Wisakidjak and Coyote feel the warmth from the Sun heal their sore bones. But after a time, the heat becomes intense and uncomfortable. Raven coughs out dust and reminds the others, "The old ones are gone out of sight! I'll go on the wind, up ahead and find them."

Wisakidjak and Coyote scramble to their feet, "We're right behind you Raven." Together they hurry after the great bird. Raven is soon croaking a song and Wisakidjak and Coyote are singing, too.

My medicine carries me there. My medicine carries me there. My medicine carries me there. My medicine carries me South.

******************** 134

Charlene

Journey Song I am not afraid, I am not afraid! As I go on this journey, I am not afraid! Why are you afraid? I am not afraid! (29)

******

Over the first few miles of the drive to Calgary, Charlene's daughters chatter in the back of the vehicle until the rhythm of the asphalt passing under the tires puts them to sleep. Charlene and Denny discuss whether they have everything they need for Calgary. It's been a busy day so far and it will be a longer, busier day before it is over. Denny turns up the radio so they can listen to their favourite station and relax ahead of the coming bustle of moving into their apartment.

When the news interrupts the music on the radio, Charlene and Denny hear that there's been a shooting near Calgary. Immediately Charlene starts to worry whether a city is an unsafe place to be taking the children to live. Then as the news report continues to unfold, they are disturbed to learn that the shooting was on a reserve next to Calgary. There's been a stand-off with the RCMP. A Social Worker and officers form the RCMP were trying to remove some children from a house, from their mother. Someone shot at the police. The policemen shot back at the house. Two children were killed when a bullet went through a twelve year old child with the gun, and hit his five year old brother.

Charlene and her husband feel heartsick and upset by this terrible situation. For a time, Charlene gives in to tears. There are kids everywhere who need protecting. On reserve and many other places, there are parents who just can't seem to cope. Charlene imagines the pain of the mother. She and Denny both feel angry at such a badly handled situation...to think that guns were fired at children needing help. Charlene voices her anger that social services could have handled this domestic problem differently. "Surely, better ways can be found? They only shot at the house because it was Indians inside!" She cries, 135

"It's only on the reserve. In other communities... if it were in the city, if it were white people the police probably would not be shooting at a house when they don't know who is firing the gun or when they know children are there."

Denny and Charlene lapse into quiet and troubled reflection. The hardships for many people on reserve are not new to them, and that knowledge doesn't make this shooting any easier to hear about. Charlene turns to look at their three sleeping girls, her precious gifts in the back seat. She is fiercely proud that she and Denny are focusing on building a good life for their family. Her family deserves a community where this kind of thing doesn't happen, where there's safety and security for the girls, and where the kind of tragedies they are hearing about on the radio won't figure in the lives of innocent young children.

Waking from an exhausted snooze a short while later, Charlene hears her twins starting to grumble. They're awake and hungry. Charlene and Denny, agree to pull into the next rest stop with a restaurant. Charlene makes a call on her cell phone to her brothers who are following behind and asks them if they're alright to stop. Everyone is ready for something to eat.

At the next exit, they pull off the highway, into a parking spot near the doors linking a gas station with a restaurant. Charlene unbuckles the twins, lifts Sky out of her car-seat while Denny and her brothers check the trailer to make sure nothing has slipped out of place. The family moves across the parking lot into the restaurant. Stepping through the door, they pause next to the 'Please Wait to Be Seated' sign. The restaurant is noisy with customers talking and staff busily serving several tables, but there are still seats available. A waitress whips by, telling them, "I'll be with you in a minute."

Standing and waiting, Charlene, Denny and her brothers notice heads turning to look at them. When the waitress returns she leads them to a table on the far side of the room near a window. As Charlene's family passes, people sitting at other tables stop 136 talking. Soon a hush engulfs the restaurant. The family feels cold eyes staring at them. ..angry hard looks from the people in the restaurant.

One twin sits beside Charlene and the other beside Denny. Sky still asleep lies in Charlene's lap. Her brothers sit across the table studying their menus deeply uncomfortable. It feels like an eternity before conversation starts up around them once more. Still, the chatter is subdued. Charlene quietly asks her brothers if they heard the news report on their radio. Wordlessly, they nod their heads indicating they have. The silence at their table is broken when the twins waste no time stating what they want for lunch. Talking about food gives the adults a distraction so that they can ignore the eyes upon them.

Wishing they'd never come into the restaurant, Charlene is rattled by the faces scowling at her family. The news story about a shooting on reserve has nothing to do with her or her family. Yet, the glares from a restaurant full of white people make her feel guilty, embarrassed, shamed, even threatened. She and her family are being judged, condemned, despised. Charlene mostly wants to get away from this restaurant. Instead she resolves to resist the prejudice, to stay and feed her family before leaving. She can't...won't...be chased away by another negative story...more negative public attitudes about Native people.

Her family orders fast food. They eat it quickly when it arrives, then make their way back across the restaurant. Even the twins quit chattering, while Sky remains asleep. More silence follows their passage across the restaurant. At the cash register, Charlene is surprised by the waitress who cheerfully takes their money. During the lunch time rush, the waitress has taken no notice of the atmosphere in the restaurant. With a hasty smile, she repeats the usual customer refrain, "Thanks for stopping. Have a nice day."

********************* 137

The North Wind Comes South

Soon after the Sun sent Raven, Wisakidjak and Coyote journeying south, the spirit of the North Wind catches up with them. The North Wind is unhappy. He's been woken up by all the commotion that the tricksters and their whirlwind caused.

Coming upon the three magic beings, the North Wind cries, "Be Gone! Go Away! I want no more of your trouble."

The three tricksters face the raging North Wind. "Eh, North Wind, quit your complaining," Wisakidjak tells the spirit, "We're going. We're going. We're going south as fast as we can."

"Yeah, we're going south, what's it to you?" Coyote speaks rudely to the growling wind.

Raven dislikes the cold wind and flies towards the North Wind, her sharp toes threatening. Enraged by the disrespect the tricksters are showing him, the face of the North Wind blackens and he begins to howl and blow ferociously.

Raven's threat is phony and she darts away. Wisakidjak and Coyote laugh and try to outrun the angry spirit. But the North Wind keeps chasing them south.

In Calgary the day has been sunny and bright. Many people wear shorts, sleeveless shirts and sandals, and are sunbathing. It is grand weather for late August. Coyote, Raven and Wisakidjak blow into Calgary with the North Wind spirit overtaking them. He unleashes all his power in a vicious snow storm sweeping across the city. The people who were sunbathing run for cover. The three tricksters are miserable in the bitter wind and snow. They hunt out shelter first in the north part of the city, but the North Wind finds them. They try the east, but more sharp squalls of snow send them to the southern end of the city. It seems as though the North Wind is passing them by, so Raven, Wisakidjak and Coyote slink over to the western edge of the city and hide behind the steep hills there.

The North Wind continues to storm and the tricksters shiver in their hiding place. It is so cold that Raven sees the tips of her wings becoming white with bitter frost and she is annoyed to have her beautiful black coat messed up. Raven decides not to hide any longer. She makes herself very big and flies up, higher and higher in the sky. There she faces the storm clouds that the North Wind spirit has made and begins to beat her wings. She beats her wings faster and faster. The wind from Raven's wings causes the clouds and the storm to move just a little from the western edge of the city towards the east.

Wisakidjak and Coyote like the look of what Raven is doing as a small arch of blue sky appears. They call out to the West Wind Spirit who rushes over the mountains to meet them behind the western hills. They plead with the West Wind to assist Raven in banishing the storms of the North Wind. The West Wind is only too pleased to help Raven, 138

Wisakidjak and Coyote against the North Wind. He frowns to see the snow over the city, the river valleys and the hills, displacing the hot days of summer.

The West Wind adds his warm breath to the wind Raven is making with the beating of her wings. The North Wind scowls and roars, protesting. Then the West Wind calls to the North Wind, "Go Home. Go Home. Brother, this is not the agreed season for your cold and storms. Your season is many suns away yet. Go Home North Wind!"

Like a great bear, the North Wind growls back at the West Wind, but his voice is already sounding tired and feeble. Reluctantly, the North Wind gives up the chase and the storm. He turns for home. Raven beats her wings and the West Wind blows. The sky overhead clears from west to east while Wisakidjak and Coyote lounge and bask in the returning sunshine.

********************* 139

Charlene. Andy and DeeDee

Walking Toward far off lodges in the city I am walking I am walking

Toward unknown ways and people I am walking I am walking

Toward crowded and noisy places I am walking I am walking

Yet, my path lies on the earth, where I am walking I am walking

******

Her family is set up in their apartment in Calgary and the girls start school before Charlene begins classes herself. A couple of days before the first day of classes there is an orientation at the Native Centre. She wants to be there. She is anxious to meet other Native students. On her previous trips to campus she saw only one other Native person around campus. They seem much rarer than she hoped. At PCC, she grew accustomed to sharing so much with her friends. She's really beginning to feel the shock of being alone at the university. In the city she sees so many different ethnic groups and hears lots of unfamiliar languages being spoken. It is easy too, to feel invisible, unsure sometimes of English ...university English...and now several other languages being spoken around her. She doesn't have a clue at times what passersby are saying.

Charlene arrives for the orientation almost half an hour early. She wasn't sure how long the city's bus and light rail transit - the C-train - might take to get her to campus. She finds the Native Centre's services staff remember her, greet her and show her to the student lounge where the orientation activities happen. Chairs are set up in a circle. She chooses one that backs against a wall, so she can face the door. Although she is starting to feel a 140 little more at ease, the idea that she is in Blackfoot territory keeps repeating itself in her thoughts.

Gradually, the room fills. When the orientation begins an elder gives a welcome and a blessing in Blackfoot and English. Everyone is welcomed to Blackfoot territory and the community of Native student services. Several of the staff speak about the Centre, then some representatives of the Student Association, and several graduates...people who have achieved their university degrees! As well, there are senior students who are volunteering to assist with orientation and other Native Student activities. Charlene is thrilled that there are so many Native students in the room, people like her engaged in university studies.

The senior students talk about some of their challenges, they talk about making it through each year, even some excellent courses to take. Charlene is humbled to hear their stories, how they have adjusted. She is worried whether she will do the same. The graduates, staff and students are a hugely encouraging community. Charlene appreciates the welcome and the guidance they provide. She wants to be like them, confident in this place of white culture and learning.

Then it is the turn of the new students to introduce themselves, and to talk about their families and goals. Charlene knows from experience that this kind of talking circle can tend to be emotional. Everyone brings so much feeling. When the white tipped eagle feather is passed as the signal for whose turn it is to speak, some talk only a little. Others can't stop talking until they have told their life story and described the wounds they carry on their hearts. In the orientation circle Charlene is pleased to hear from other Cree people. She is surprised to meet Native people from further North, some from parts east, even the Maritimes. Of course since they are all now on Treaty 7 land, there are several Blackfoot tribe members from different southern reserves, too.

The organizers explain they're going to play a game and request each person state their name and say a little about where they are from and their families. As part of the game, students are asked to identify an item they might bring to a fictional potluck 141 sometime in the future. The food they select needs to start with the same letter as their own name. The game requires each person to repeat everyone else's name and potluck item. This seems daunting and silly to Charlene. No one can possibly recall the names of so many people in the room. But, as the eagle feather and the introductions move around the circle Charlene focuses hard on what people are saying and soon, the game becomes fun. The circle of new student introductions begins.

Will Chissikay, the first of the new students, speaks slowly and softly. People strain to hear, "I'm Will. I'm Chipewyan from Fort Chipewyan. I'm the second youngest of six brothers and sisters. I'm not married, but I've got my son, he's four years old. His name is Calvin and I'm raisin' him on my own right now. Awhile back I did some work for an oil company...drivin' truck. I want an education so I can get a better job. I did some upgradin', some college in Grande Prairie. Moved to Calgary this week to study engineering and this is my first year. Calgary...I find it a really big city. I'm findin' it tough... all the noise and the people." Will pauses awkwardly, not wanting to say much more in front of so many strangers.

One of the student organizers asks Will what potluck dish he will bring. Will grins, "When I go to the potluck ...I'm Will...I'll be bringin' wieners and beans."

Chuckles sound in the room in response to Will's potluck choice. Next to him, Guy Marchand strokes the feather he's now been handed. Quietly, he repeats, "This is Will, he's bringing wieners and beans to the potluck. I'm Guy. I'm from New Brunswick. I'm Metis, I guess. My mother's grandparents were Native. I've been living in Calgary for about a year. Before that I lived in B. C. for about five years...working in a lumber mill. I'm in general studies right now, probably getting a degree in business. That's what I think I want. When I go to the potluck, I'm bringing gateaux. That's French for cake.

Carla Oomilik briefly side glances at the two men who introduced themselves before her. She holds the feather in her lap and with her free hand nervously covers her mouth, while she stares at the floor. 142

"Ahhh, Will is bringin' to the potluck...wieners and beans Guy is bringin' ...g...gatOH...cake. Me, I'll take cookies. I'm Carla. I'm a long way from home too. I'm from Rankin. It's in Nunavut, the new territory, huh? All my family is there. I've got my mother and four sisters. I'm the first.. .the first in my family to come south. The first, to do university. I want to study Fine Arts or maybe Social Work. There is a lot of need, eh?., .lots of need for social work.. .social workers in my community. Lots of problems, eh?.. .the young people and their parents...but the young people. It's sad, they are dyin'... they are doin' drugs.. .lots of drinkin'..livin unhealthy. I like to draw, but there are jobs in social work, so I'm still not sure... Like Will, this noisy city is makin' it hard for me. Anyway...this potluck. Like I said before, I'm Carla and I'll be takin' cookies."

Andy Napewiw looks back at those who have spoken before. He smiles embarrassed, before starting to name people before he introduces himself, "...I'm Andy. I'm Cree from Alberta. Rodeo's what I like to do ...but I got injured, so for the past couple of years I ben goin' to College on my reserve. No one in my family went to College or university before. I'm just finishin' my second year and needed to transfer. I'm takin political science courses. I want...bin' encouraged to find ways to help my community. My family,.I have two kids and my wife...they're stayin' home while I go to school. I'm lookin' forward to classes startin' and the week goin' fast...so I can go see my family. Sooo, this potluck.. .my name is Andy.. .I'll take apples."

Brenda Kootenay tenses up as it becomes her turn to speak about herself. She whips through the names of the others. Her youthful memory makes it seem pretty easy especially with the encouragement in the faces around her. "Hi, I'm Brenda from B.C. I moved to Calgary from ...B.C. a few months ago lookin' for work...but I only have my grade 12.1 thought I'd go back to school, be a nurse...I'm not married...my Mom and sisters, I miss them.. .they live back in B.C. I'm twenty-one. I'm looking for a place to rent near the university... if you know anyone who wants to share rent... Anyway, I'm Brenda bringin' bannock! 143

Deidre Gallagher clutches the feather and grimaces a little now that all eyes are upon her. After a brief hesitation she begins, quickly following the pattern set by Brenda, "This is Will, bringin' wieners and beans, Guy gat? Gatoh?, Carla cookies, Andy apples, Brenda bannock. I'm Deirdre. My family calls me DeeDee. I'm from Siksika. I'm transferring from the College on my reserve, so I'm finishin' second and startin' into my third year. I'm drivin' into classes during the week. I've got my three kids at home.. .two boys in school. My youngest is my baby girl, goes to day care."

DeeDee nods towards Carla and Andy. "I'm the first in my family to go to university, too. Maybe not the only one.. .1 have a sister startin' College soon. I want to be a teacher...I think we need Native teachers for our kids.. .in our schools... to be .. .role models so maybe kids will stay in school...I didn't...that's why I'm at school now. That's what I want to do, be a teacher, building the next generation."

Deidre stops speaking suddenly. She's trying to recall her chosen potluck food. Laughing, "Eeaaah!" she adds, "I'm DeeDee, I'll bring the dream whip."

Laughter sounds in the circle as DeeDee passes the feather to her friend Gloria Eagle sitting next to her. When the laughter subsides, Gloria speaks in a rush, "Will's taking wieners and beans, Guy gateaux, Carla cookies, Andy apples, Brenda bannock, DeeDee dream whip. I'm from Siksika, too. I was at the College. I was born at Siksika reserve, but I grew up in Calgary. My family has been back and forth.... I was in foster care for a lot of years in Calgary.. .lived in lots of places.. .1 went to city schools.. .lots of schools in Calgary. I didn't go back to the reserve for a long time, lost touch with my folks, my brothers and sisters. When I had my baby I went back to the reserve to find my mother. She's gone, she's passed...she was drinkin' and she died from that...but I found my brothers and sisters. I have a place on Siksika after waitin' for a few years. I live there with my girl. She's seven now. I'm transferrin' this fall...taking classes in psychology, sociology, maybe...Indigenous studies. I'm thinking of teachin'...maybe counseling." She looks around at those listening to her expectantly, "My name is Gloria...I'll bring my favourite...garlic bread." 144

Arnold Poundmaker receives the feather from Gloria. "Oh boy, I don't know," he begins. "My memory...Aaah!" Gloria offers a reminder, "Will's bringin' wieners and beans."

"Oh, yeah, okay Will's bringin' wieners and beans...Guy, gatoh Carla cookies, Andy apples, Brenda bannock....DeeDee dream whip, Gloria...garlic bread. I'm Arnold. I'm Sioux from Saskatchewan. I've been in Calgary a good few years. Done a lot of things. I've been a plumber, I'm a journeyman the last while, workin' for industry. Not so long ago, I was livin' on the street...existin' really. Fought my way back. Got sober. Got back with my family.. .got four kids in school.. .all getting' to be teens. I'm older now. Eeaah, aah! Don't want to be luggin' toilets or lyin' on my back under sinks the rest of my days. People always said I couldn't do this...school, post-secondary...but, I did pretty good.. .pretty well in high school upgrading last couple of years, so now I'm ready... I'm ready to give university a try. I'm taking English to begin with and will maybe teach it. I'm takin'. ..taking classes here during the day, but still working most of the time. The missus isn't keen on it, but I see it this way.. .school is a path to a better life for my family. Want my kids to see the value of school. Aaaah.... at the potluck.. .aaah, I'll bring, aaah, angel cake.

Shayla Hunter smiles at Arnold as he hands her the feather. "I'm also Sioux," she says, "Nakota Sioux." The members of the circle call out to her to repeat the names. She groans but makes it through. "I'm Shayla. I'm comin' back to university. I started a programme before. I took upgradin' and came to the university. But it was the wrong programme for me. It's not in my culture.. .workin' with bodies.. .dead bodies. It doesn't seem like respect...anyway, I couldn't do that programme. I dropped out. Now I'm back. I'm back to get my degree in social work. My community needs educated people. There are problems...many young people givin' up. My family supports me in this. My mother and my grandmothers, they support me. At first, they didn't want me to go back to school...I've got kids. I had three in the beginning,' when I first started back to school, now I have four. My family, they keep my children after school, so I can do this. They help me a 145 lot. Because of that, someday I can have a way to help my people. I'm Shayla. This potluck...I'm bringin' stew.

Jennifer Wolf squirms in her seat as the feather comes to her. She repeats what she just heard, "Shayla's...bringin' stew." Someone in the circle quips, "Are you doing the names backwards?" Jennifer shakes her head from side to side, looks out of the corner of her eye at where the circle started and begins a rhythmic chant, "Will's bringin' wieners and beans, Guy gaaatoh, Carla cookies...Andy apples, Brenda bannock, DeeDee dream whip, Gloria garlic bread, ...Arnold angel cake, Shayla stew and I'm Jennifer. I'll bring jerky...fresh smoked! Eeaaah!" Jennifer laughs as the circle joins in. "I am Siksika, too. It's nice to see DeeDee, Gloria, Rachel, and Ernestine. We had some College classes together, but I didn't know we were all comin' to university this fall. Everyone is busy with our families. My family.. .I've got two girls and my husband. My girls are in school and we are all into pow wow. My husband dances too. Sometimes he goes with a cultural troop overseas. At university, I'm thinking of taking Indigenous Studies and I want to take courses in museums...heritage studies. That's my interest...maintaining Siksika culture. I think it's important.. .1 want the young people to know their culture." Jennifer, pauses and looks over to the person seated next to her. Smiling at her friend she quickly passes on the feather.

Rachel Red Crowchild laughs at the speed with which Jennifer hands her the feather. The potluck list of names is longer now and she takes a deep breath before beginning eventually reaching herself, " I'm Rachel, I'll take roast rabbit." Rachel's food preference brings a chorus of "Oh good!" from those who favour game meats.

Rachel continues, "I am livin' at Siksika. I've got three boys, and like Jen's, my family is on the pow wow trail most of the summer. We like to practice our culture. I do some beadin' of outfits for my boys and my husband. Eeaah! That means I don't do much dancing myself. I'll be commuting into classes during the week. For my degree...I'm thinkin' of teaching, but first I'm taking a degree in English. I think if I can do English... I can do anything. If I can't do English, then maybe I'm not meant to be here. I know this 146 year is goin' to be lots of work. I'm glad to meet everyone and look forward to knowin' you.

Ernestine Crane Sees Bear nods at Rachel as she passes her the feather and then greets the people in the circle in general. "Oki!" She speaks a few words in Blackfoot, before addressing the group in English. "I just said hello and welcome to those here who come from far away ....especially our traditional foes the Cree to our Blackfoot territory." Ernestine laughs, eyes twinkling. "Eeeaaah! I also said my name in Blackfoot. I am Ernestine. This name game.. .I'm a grandmother, so I'm not so sure I can get all these names, but I'll try. This potluck comin' up ...aaah...Will's bringin' wieners and beans! .. .Guy gatoh," Ernestine makes it through the list with a few pauses and the circle provides the next names to her. Finally she adds," I'm Ernestine, I'll bring eggs. Like DeeDee, Jennifer...others, I'm Siksika. I'm a residential school survivor. Many of you younger ones never lived through residential school. It left me many memories and fears about school. Like I said, I'm a grandma. I tried university twice before. Once when I was a lot younger and then when my kids were growing up. It was a struggle.. .my four kids were school age then...lots goin' on. I left off university those times."

Ernestine looks around at the circle of new students, "Surprised myself, after fifteen years... decided to come back. I'm tryin' again... started at the College a couple of years ago and am ready to transfer. It turns out, I am keepin' my grandchildren now. Their parents....they are gone...gone to suicide. I lost one more son to suicide, too these days, I got to keep goin' to school.. .for my kids and my grandchildren.. .for my community. I'm studyin' linguistics - that's language - and want to go into teachin' so I can be in the schools and teach young people Blackfoot. And, I want to make sure the next generation has Siksika language...has the culture...the old stories. That's all I have to say for now.

Charlene Two Lightning feels nervous as the feather comes to her. But, she responds to Ernestine's way of greeting and also begins in her language, "Tansi, I am Cree

147 from Hobbema." She is interrupted briefly, by the laughter of Blackfoot students in the circle, "Oooh! Cree enemy in Blackfoot territory! Eeaaah, eaaah!" They grin at Charlene.

Ernestine repeats her previous Blackfoot words of welcome. Ernestine's words and the humour being shared, helps Charlene to relax. "I am honoured to be welcomed. Eaah!"

"Say the names, say the names!" The game has become sport to see who can do this. Those in the circle still awaiting their turn are attentive wanting to fix new names and potluck items in memory. No one wants to be the one who makes mistakes.

Distracted by the noise and laughter, Charlene goes blank. She looks sidelong at Will, struggling for the names to begin. Members of the circle are eager to assist. "Will wieners...Guy gatoh!"

Charlene asserts her voice, "Will wieners and beans, Guy gateaux... Car la cookies...Andy apples, Brenda bannock, DeeDee dream whip, Gloria garlic bread...Arnold angel cake, Shayla stew, Jennifer... jerky, Rachel...roast rabbit...Ernestine eggs. Whoooo! I'm Charlene, I'll bring cheese and crackers." Charlene tries to pass along the feather, but one of the staff objects, "Not so fast! What are you doing your degree in?"

Charlene blushes then adds, "Oh, I...moved here specifically to do a degree in gender and women's studies. There's a programme here, and I am really fascinated by looking at... women...women's roles in society. So, we moved...my family...my husband, my three girls. My twins are in school and my baby, my youngest is in daycare... I finally found a place for her. It's been hard finding a place to live, daycare, learn my way around. I feel pretty lost! ....The rest of my family... they're back home. I want to do this for all of them. I have a cousin with a degree, but I am the first of my ten brothers and sisters to go to university... Uh, I'm goin' into my third year, and I'm actually thinking about doing another degree after...after I'm done this one. I am the youngest in my family. My parents have eleven children.. .No one else has gone to university, yet." Nods within 148 the circle show Charlene that other's share and understand her sense of responsibility and obligation.

Now that her turn to talk is ending, Charlene feels much happier. She strokes the talking eagle feather before passing it to the young person next to her.

Taking the feather, Tracy McCue shakes her head, chuckles and rushes into the list. "Will wieners and beans, Guy gateaux, Carla cookies, Andy apples, Brenda bannock....DeeDee dream whip...Gloria garlic bread...Arnold...angel cake... Shayla stew, Jennifer jerky, Rachel roast rabbit, Ernestine eggs... Charlene bringing cheese and crackers. My name's Tracy, I'll bring tacos...Indian tacos. I'm Chippewa...from Rama in Ontario. I've been living in Alberta a few years now. I got started back to school...last year. I'm living in a shelter with my kids...a women's shelter...and the staff, they pushed me to go back to school. I'd been thinking about it, so I agreed to do upgrading. Then they said I should go to university. So, here I am. The Centre staff helped me to get in ...do applications and follow the paper work. So, here I am. I've got two kids aged three and one year.. .we're hoping to get into family housing, but there is a long wait list. For now we can stay in the shelter...at least for awhile. I'll be taking general first year courses...not sure what I want to go into...maybe social work...maybe history...politics. Have to see. Any way... Glad to be here... Excited to be here!"

Benson Big Fox (bologna) from Kainai taking Kinesiology on a hockey scholarship is next, then Violet Talon (venison) studying law, Iroquois from Kanasetake, followed by Francis Laplante (fish), Metis from Peace River in the North part of the province, with plans to become an architect. The community of the circle grows. There is high interest when it is the turn of a rare teenager to take the feather.

"Uuuh, Hi." Stephanie is slim and stylish as a model she looks around the room, marveling that she feels at home in a way and completely unprepared to be part of this group. Hesitantly, Stephanie begins telling these people about herself, until several of those near her speak up, supplying her with the start of the chant, "Will, wieners and beans!" 149

Stephanie draws a deep breath and takes her turn. She finishes the list with her own name, " I'm Stephanie. I'm from Calgary. I grew up here in the city I'm adopted. I don't know my...my birth family. I've been told I'm from Keewatin north...in Alberta. My parents...the people who adopted me, raised me, they've taken good care of me and my brother and sister...their natural children. I'm the only one adopted. My brother and sister.. .they have university degrees.. .good jobs. My family has always been super to me., .they want me to go to school. The registrar's office told me about the Native Centre. I don't know.. .never met.. .any Native people before....although I know things for lots of Native people aren't that great. I feel.. .kinda guilty eh? I've been.. .lucky.. .my family's been able to give me lots...taken care of me... whatever. Still, it's strange. I feel comfortable here even though I don't know other Natives. I don't know the culture...or my people. I hope I can get to know more "

Stephanie pauses. People are smiling sympathetically at her. Ernestine speaks for the circle, "It is good that you are here. Welcome back to your people!"

Stephanie savours being included and the experience of being among other First Nations people for the first time in her life, people who look like her and carry the same heritage. Here are people who understand that hundreds of First Nations children have been seized, adopted and reared away from their relatives. She reaches out with the feather to the person next to her saying, "My name is Stephanie, I'm so glad to be here! I'll bring salad."

Melanie Crow Beats Wings gently taps the eagle feather against her free hand while she echoes all the names, "Will wieners and beans...Guy gateaux, Carla cookies, Andy apples...Brenda bannock, DeeDee dream whip, Gloria garlic bread...Arnold angel cake, Shayla stew, Jennifer jerky...Rachel roast rabbit, Ernestine eggs Charlene cheese and crackers Tracy tacos, Benson buffalo meat, Violet venison, Francis fish....Stephanie, salad. Me, I'm Melanie. Melanie Crow Beats Wings. I'll bring...muffins. I'm from Pikani. I have three brothers and three sisters. The older ones have post-secondary or are in college or university now. My little brothers are still in high school. Outside my family... very few from my community are going to post-secondary school. Many do not want to leave. I 150 completed a degree in science before at University of Alberta...now I'm starting a degree in medicine here. I want to be a doctor...work in my community. There are many health issues...diabetes, HIV, addictions, malnutrition, young mothers having babies. My community has been looking for Doctors for many years. One of the things I did last year...the medical school was looking for people to be pretend patients so they could be diagnosed. They pay a few dollars. If you want some part-time work, to be a patient, talk to me later!" Melanie laughs at the startled looks of those seated around her and passes the feather once more to the left.

The introductions and name game continue. The list growing longer and longer, until the feather completes the circle returning to where it started. A fourth year student on the executive of the Student Association ably recites the names of everyone in the whole circle, astounding Charlene and others new to the university. Is it possible one day to have a memory like that?

The Student Association invites everyone who wishes to participate in ceremonies arranged by the Centre. There will be a pipe ceremony early in the morning before semester classes begin. In the following week there will be a sweat lodge and new students, guests and those unfamiliar with the sweat lodge ceremony are especially welcome. The elder will tell newcomers to the area about Blackfoot traditions. Students are encouraged to join into activities, to learn about local customs and share knowledge about their own. Information is given concerning ways to volunteer with the Student Association or the Centre. It is recommended as a great way to meet people and find out how Native culture is celebrated on campus. All are invited to make the Centre their community and to take advantage of learning spaces, technology or academic assistance as the need arises.

Charlene and the other new students are beginning to wonder how much more their tired and over excited minds can take in. At the appropriate time, a feast is revealed. The elder says a blessing for the meal, and the circle breaks up as people crowd into line to help themselves to food and refreshments. There is laughter as food items are discovered that were featured during the name game for their fictional potluck list a short while ago. 151

"Hey, I smell stew! I see stew!" "Salad, too!" "There's gatOH! Look at the Gatohs!" "Someone brought cheese and crackers! Hey Charlene, someone beat you to it.. .your cheese and crackers are over here!"

ft*******************

Tricksters Trail of the Old Ones

Coyote, Wisakidjak and Raven came to Calgary with the North Wind chasing their tails. They lost sight of the old ones once the stormy weather surrounded them. When Raven and the West Wind made a chinook and melted the snow away, the tricksters followed their noses to a great repository of food laid out in a deep pit on the northwest side of the city. Raven, Wisakidjak and Coyote plunge into the city dump and gorge themselves upon the food strewn amid the articles there. They eat until they feel full, when Wisakidjak thinks it's now a suitable time to hear a story. But where are the old ones?

Hundreds of crows are shrieking and calling from the hills of food and refuse piled all over the dump. But whether any of the crows are the ones that he, Raven and Coyote are following is hard to determine. Wisakidjak studies the crows and realizes there is no sign of the human beings the old ones were flying after, either. He asks Raven and Coyote where the old ones are now.

Coyote and Raven distracted by the city dump, are surprised they've come close to forgetting about the old ones. Coyote howls for the old ones, but none of the circling crows answer. Raven flies from one group of crows to the next and even inspects a distant crowd of magpies, but the old ones are not there. Wisakidjak readily blames the others, while Coyote and Raven say it is his fault for losing the old ones. Wisakidjak sneers back at Coyote and Raven, "It is a small matter...easy enough to sniff them out."

Coyote immediately barks, "If anyone is going to sniff them out, it will be me. I've got the best nose for tracking."

Raven croaks, "I have sharper eyes than both of you.. .sharper than your noses. Follow me!"

Once more Raven flies off while Coyote and Wisakidjak race along below. Soon they are on the trail of the old ones.

******************** 152

DeeDee

Morning Song Today, our father, the Sun, Shines into the lodge, His power is very strong.

Last night our mother, the Moon, Shone into the lodge, Her power is very strong.

I pray the Morning Star, the son, When he rises at daybreak, Will shine in to bless us And make us strong in life. (30)

******

DeeDee, Rachel, Jennifer, Gloria and Ernestine hover in the Red Lodge student lounge, in the Native Centre before attending their afternoon campus classes. Their coffee cups vibrate in their hands as they strive for calm. Although they attended orientation, they are finding the transfer to the university overwhelming. They're search for parking this morning was trying, driving around and around inside the campus parkade. Almost late for classes, they scrambled across campus like salmon heading upstream against a current of rushing students. Heading to different buildings and floors they experience abandonment, fearful, bereft of friends. The relief this morning has been returning to the Centre to find one another. They are hugely glad that the orientation helped them to discover who else would be coming to university from their reserve. As a result they've decided to commute as a group. Being together for the driving and between classes on campus is quickly making them friends. Each is thankful for the extra support in this transition.

But still, DeeDee's cup rattles as she puts it down on a table one handed. Her other hand comes up to save the cup from tipping. She laughs at herself nervously, "Holy! Eeaah. It's only the first day! There'll be more days...all term." 153

Shaking her head vigorously in agreement, Rachel confesses. "I know people said it would be busy and noisy...but, I never imagined it this bad."

Although she is unsettled as well, Ernestine suggests, "I've been before, eh? ...To campus for classes.. .it gets a bit better.. .when you get used to it. Things even out some, when people sort classes...not so many all the time...."

"I'm afraid to go to the bookstore," Gloria complains, "but, I have to. My first professor assigned pages to read and I don't have my books, yet."

"You're not alone, Eeaah!" Jennifer replies laughing, while the others nod. "Holy! I've got about a hundred pages to read in two days and have to buy the books!"

DeeDee sighs loudly, "I didn't even get a sponsorship cheque that will cover my books. Somewhere, I'm supposed to dig up the money for books...we're talkin' hundreds of dollars. I wish the tribe education office workers knew what they are doin'. If I use my livin' allowance on my books.. .then my kids go hungry! I don't think I can buy all my books to start. I'll have to buy the rest later. September is too expensive. My kids go back to school and need clothes, shoes and things. I've got commuting...gas money, parking, vehicle insurance, my books and class materials and nowhere near the money I need! "

"Well, drivin' together we can share some costs...one good thing!" Jennifer lightly bumps DeeDee with her elbow showing she knows and understands the problems.

"How do they expect us to get our supplies...our books...for university? Chief and council tell us to go to school...get an education. They say they'll sponsor us...then, they make it impossible..." Rachel grumbles.

"I found out, from Muffins...Melanie at the orientation potluck" Ernestine tells them, "...she says there is a 'used' bookstore...and the main one has some used books too. 154

Maybe if we buy used, we can save some money. I sure gotta keep costs down, too. My grandkids eat everythin' in the house."

Gloria worries, "I don't know how you do it Ernestine., .how any of us do it. Rachel is right. The Band office hardly support us enough.. .they keep us stressed out about money...whether it will come on time or cover our costs and bills. It feels like they don't want us to succeed. Then there's other people on the reserve...they treat you bad because you're tryin' to do something with your life. Some of my family barely talks to me, since I started taking courses. Some of my sisters want me to quit.. .when I say it's hard, they encourage me to quit."

"Heh, girl.. .don't let it get you down.. .you can't quit. I've quit before...remember...this is my third try," Ernestine consoles her. "There's no point givin' in.. .you'll only be older when you come back.. .and you could end up like me.. .going to school when you're a gramma."

"How old were you when you first went to university Ern?"DeeDee inquires.

"Straight out of high school... maybe eighteen. I was in the city for high school. The nuns, they sent me from residential school to the city...1 was doin' alright, I guess., .wanted me to do high school. I lived with a white family for the school years. Then, I registered for university...but I was lost in a big place. I left, I went home to the reserve for a bit, then back to the city, then home to stay.. .have my kids. Those days, I was 'sweet and young'... Eaaaah," Ernestine laughs, "Nowadays, I'm sour...wrinkled...tough, maybe. Goin' back.. .at the College was rough. You know where we took our courses on the reserve., .that was the old residential school. Survivin' that leaves scars. The first time I went up there...to the College for classes, I almost didn't make it through the door...gettin' flashbacks...the shakes...thought I was goin' to faint. Now I've taken a few courses over a couple years...but, I still...still feel shaky when I'm near or goin' in that buildin'. Here...on campus, I don't get those feelin's...I guess I don't get shaky and feelin' sick here in the same way." 155

DeeDee, Gloria, Rachel and Jennifer consider the brief glimpse Ernestine has shared with them of her previous university and residential school trials. They are reluctant to ask her more. DeeDee breaks the silence, "It's bad enough feelin' broke and scared of crowds, without all those other feelin's, Ern. You're convincin' me. May be... maybe, we can find our way around these buildin's, and all the people and maybe in and out of the bookstores."

Rachel groans, while Gloria, Jennifer and Ernestine shrug.

Standing, Dee says, "So, anyone ready to go look for the used bookstore or do we need more coffee?" The other women make faces at her. Ernestine gives her a pleading look and holds out her cup. Laughing, DeeDee steps over to the kitchenette and grabs the coffee pot, "Okay...after one more refill...we can do it." 156

Brave Girl and The Storm Monster

Sage Smoke and Many Eagles sway in the branches of a poplar tree. The people below see only a crow and a magpie gossiping and keeping a sharp-eyed look-out on them as groups and individuals traipse from building to building between classes. Sage Smoke points with her beak. "Look below Many Eagles. Those tricksters are out there in the crowds of young people. What mischief do you think is going to happen?"

Many Eagles laughs, "My imagination soars in all the directions...they could be up to almost anything in this new place...this whiteman's university. Maybe, it is a good time for another story, Sage Smoke."

Sage Smoke would have raised her eye-brows if she'd been in human form. But Coyote, Raven and Wisakidjak still hold the secret of that power. She calls, "So are you listening, you tricksters? I have an old story. It is one I tell around fires on days like today when the air is crisp and it feels like snow is in the clouds. I remember this good story. It tells how a brave person, a girl makes a difference for her people. I will share it with you Wisakidjak, Coyote and Raven. Take it as part of the trade for the power you have shared with us. I give you this story of a monster to enjoy. I also share this story with the young people of the seventh generation."

An evil monster bird had come to terrorize the people. The monster Jijogweh lived on the blood of the people. He filled the skies with storms using his wings to churn up the land, lakes and rivers. Black clouds poured forth punishing rain containing slithering snakes which droppedfrom above, making the people run in fear before the power of Jijogweh who hunted them for food.

All attempts to shoot the evil monster down hadfailed. Those brave enough to shoot arrows at him had died crushed and torn in his terrible talons. Then one night a dream message came to a young woman named Brave Girl. The message urged her to create a strong bow from the wood of an ash tree. She was to string the bow by weaving a cordfrom her own long supple hair. The arrows for her bow were to be feathered with the down from the breast of young eagles. Her dream showed her that the bow, special arrows and protections from the medicine man would let her destroy the monster.

Brave Girl obeyed the instructions from her dream. She climbed to a rocky peak to find an eagle's nest, giving the baby birds bits of meat she plucked some down from their breasts and thanked them for their assistance. She found a sturdy ash tree and made the bow and arrows feathered with eagle down just as the dream message told her. Brave Girl sought out the medicine man. He gave her ceremonial tobacco to carry in a pouch around her neck so that the good spirits would listen to the sacred words he shared with her which would call them to her aid.

At night, alone, Brave Girl went out to watch for the monster. Although she waited all night the monster did not appear over the village. Just before dawn Brave Girl prepared to return to her people. As she picked up her bow and arrows there was a sudden terrible 157 shrieking. Circling above her she saw the great black wings of the giant bird Jijogweh. The huge monster flying at her was a terrible sight.

Despite the fear that threatened to overwhelm her, Brave Girl did not run away. She placed an arrow in her bow ready to face the monster. In alarm she saw the arrow droop like a faded daisy, the life gone out of it. But Brave girl did not lose courage. She clutched the medicine pouch about her neck and called out, "Good Spirits of the night, be my friends!" Four times she whispered the sacred words given to her by the medicine man. When she next placed an arrow across her bow, it was firm and powerful. Brave Girl aimed at Jijogweh as he dived closer and sent the arrow tearing straight into the evil heart of the people's tormentor.

Jijogweh fell thrashing into nearby water, disappearing forever, leaving only an immense cloud offoam. As Brave Girl watched, the foam became a flock of gulls, swooping across the sky. The gulls had been eaten by Jigjogweh and were released by his death. Now whenever the people see the gulls fly up, they can know that a storm is coming. But these days the dark clouds are only Jijogweh's ghost. The time when the monster consumed the lives of the people is gone. The gulls still give their warning to the people to thank and honour Brave Girl for her courageous fight against the ravages of Jijogweh. (SI)

Sage Smoke and Many Eagles glance at one another and shake their heads. Wisakidjak, Coyote and Raven seem to have slipped out of sight. They are intent on evading the old ones and still greedy for more stories. No doubt they are also determined to get the best of their new surroundings at the university. Mischief has been delayed only for a short time after all.

*******#*********** 158

Charlene

Song of the Student I have spirit, standing; I have spirit, walking; I have spirit, learning.

******

"I will not be afraid. I am brave. There is nothing to fear. I have done this before. I've been to college. I've been in large classrooms. Charlene keeps repeating these words to herself as she wends her way through throngs of students to her first class at the university. The people keep coming, on the C-train, on the sidewalks, in the hallways, at the coffee bars. Everywhere there are mobs of people, pushing, blindly walking over and hurrying past you. The air is alive with noise, voices in conversation loudly straining to be heard, doors slamming, the pounding of many footfalls. Charlene reminds herself to keep breathing.

I've been in large classrooms before, Charlene tells herself again as she steps through the double doors and into the aisle of a large lecture theatre. This room must seat three hundred! Charlene is ready to turn and give up this foolish dream, when six more people crowd through the doors behind her making it impossible for her to flee. Reluctantly, she starts down the aisle. At the Native Centre the staff and students were telling her to sit at the front. It is an intimidating walk down more than twenty steps to the third row from the front. There are very few students sitting this close. Charlene collapses into a seat and prepares to take notes.

As the room fills up around her, she feels herself sliding lower and lower into her chair wanting to disappear. So many strangers! She fleetingly looks over her shoulder around the room scanning to see if there might be another Native person present. Charlene sees no one she can identify as First Nations. She bites her lower lip. She can't believe she is suddenly so overcome, once again feeling so alone in a room full of people. Charlene 159 struggles against waves of doubt. Why did she come here? Why did she drag her family to the city? Where did she ever get the notion that she could do this? Biting into her lip harder, Charlene holds back the tears threatening to over-flow and betray her.

Charlene looks up when a tall woman wearing glasses strides to the lectern and starts speaking. This is familiar, the business-like presentation of a course outline, review of work and expectations. The course sounds really interesting but this professor too emphasizes there will be a quantity of reading and writing. That's familiar to her as well...professors in college and university all seem to encourage their students to quit even before the course begins. Charlene reconciles herself to the work. She has travelled a long way to study in this programme.

The first class ends early. Students clatter out of the seats, dragging laptops and knapsacks. Charlene follows when the aisle is empty. She pushes through the door into the crowds jostling in the hall. Once more she feels stranded and alone. Her next class is not for two hours, not enough time to go home, and she has no work to occupy herself, yet. Charlene pauses wondering what to do. She hears a voice beside her. "Uuh...Cheese and Crackers...Charlene, right?"

Charlene turns to see two faces she remembers from the orientation. "Cookies...Carla, Fish, Francis! Hi! How's it goin'?"

Carla answers, "It's good to see you. I've ben lookin' for someone maybe I know. Found Francis. Now you! I'm so glad to know somebody! This is terrible. I thought there were lots of people at the university last week. Now classes starting, it is like a storm.. .a flood of others."

Francis nods rapidly, agreeing with Carla, "I'm afraid to move., .and afraid to stand still. So many people! Carla and I were goin' to go to the Centre until our next class. Want to come with us, Charlene? 160

"Sure, I'll come with you! My next class isn't for a couple of hours," Charlene turns with the others and weaves a path through the people out of the building and across the university campus to the Centre. They pass several magpies and crows nattering at them from nearby trees and roof tops. Although the raucous birds can be unnerving, Charlene decides they are a reminder of home. It's like having someone familiar hovering close by and it makes her feel the absence of home less sharply. Also on the way to the Centre, they meet Will, Brenda and Tracy, and walk as a group to the lounge, where they encounter DeeDee, Jennifer and Rachel chatting about their classes. They say hello to Andy who is reading at a corner table.

Over the next couple of hours the lounge fills and empties as students come and go between classes, or meet with advising staff about their courses and programmes. It's a friendly atmosphere and Charlene is reluctant to leave, but she goes to her second class of the day. It turns out that this course has two other Native students in it, and before long they are sitting together. She sees other First Nations students as she walks across campus.

It is too early yet, perhaps, to feel comfortable, but Charlene decides she must do something to help herself fit into this place. Charlene makes a plan. By the end of the week, she is going to speak to one of the strangers sitting near her in each of her classes. Just to say hello. If the person seems friendly, then at some point it might be possible to talk about the course with them or share notes...the way she used to at the college on reserve.

In the second week, Charlene adds to her plan. She decides she should speak to her professors, too. She jots down one or two questions she wants to ask. At Pipestone College it meant a lot to be able to ask questions or discuss ideas or problems. At the university in classes with hundreds of students, she doesn't feel she can speak up. Charlene makes herself a promise that she will locate each professor's office and go there when he or she has office hours. She will take the steps to know her teachers and to let them know her.

ft******************* 161

Raven Builds a Library (Parti)

For a time Raven, Coyote and Wisakidjak delight in spying the old ones as they take up residence the University on campus on the hill in the Northwest of the city. It isn't long until natural nosiness and curiosity get the better of the tricksters. Observing the young people trooping in and out of the university buildings Raven, Coyote and Wisakidjak become students themselves and begin to spirit their way around campus. Soon, they join a small group on a tour of the university and are fascinated to enter mysterious places. They see labs... what are labs?...they see classrooms... in the place of the white people, they are lots of seats for lots of sitting. But in one building, they see a pond... a big hole with water in it...not very tasty for drinking. In another room in the same building they see strange machines with individuals walking up moving steps or running on travelling floors. Best of all, they are shown a circular surface made of ice.

Raven, Coyote and Wisakidjak know what happens when water freezes. But here they are astounded to see frozen water in-doors in late summer. There are people dashing at great speeds upon the ice. Coyote and Wisakidjak learn the people on the ice are wearing skates which can be borrowed.. .from the counter right over there. Coyote and Wisakidjak race to get skates and are soon challenging the speed skating track at the university. For a time Raven watches the other two veer and crash about the track. Ice is not to her taste. Raven stays with the tour group...fewer bruises that way.

The next stop for the tour is the library. Raven isn't impressed by floors and floors full of shelves holding up what the tour person calls books. But, when the tour stops at a desk and the librarian mentions she is responsible for literature, novels and stories, that the library has an enormous collection, Raven bounces with excitement. She asks, "You have stories here?"

The librarian replies, "Why yes of course. While this floor and the one above house stories, literature, drama and criticism, many other floors in the library hold less current stories and writers. There are books of every description in the library.. .stories, as well as sciences such as biology or physics, anthropology, classical studies, or humanities."

Raven ignores unfamiliar terms the librarian is tossing out, but she is amazed and thunderstruck, "You keep stories in these things called books?"

"Yes, of course," the librarian agrees. She believes she must be speaking with someone who has never visited a Canadian university or library before. "Books contain all kinds of stories, knowledge and truth. It is all written down on the pages of the books and put here to be ready for someone who wants to know something and to borrow and the books or journals."

"The stories are written down!" Raven marvels, "You keep them here? How does a person tell them? How do people hear them and share in the lessons?" 162

"Oh yes, we keep thousands of books here. It's not common for people to hear them. Usually, a book is read privately.. .unless you have a book on tape. But, of course it is possible to read a book aloud, there are oral readings when several people listen together.. .children.. .or when an author presents a portion of her book. The stories are often long.. .too long for one hearing," the librarian kindly explains to a bemused Raven. "Everyone who reads a book may find out what the author is telling, whether story, or information."

Raven shrugs her shoulders at this distinction. In her experience, all stories bear knowledge and information. Raven falls behind the tour, looking dreamily around her. She realizes she left behind Coyote and Wisakidjak just at the right time. She's come upon something special and Coyote and Wisakidjak don't know about the books. Raven thinks she can find a way to keep these thousands of stories magically written down, all to herself.

Raven wanders up and down the aisles randomly choosing a book from this shelf and then that, daintily turning the pages. Raven uses her medicine on the writing and reads the pages of the books. The stories come alive in Raven's imagination. She thinks this could be better than racing after the old ones to hear their stories. Raven can have a story any time she wants one, although finding the stories like the old ones share is rare.

Raven roams around the library exploring the books for long hours. She encounters several people re-placing all the books she has taken down from the shelves as well as many other books. Raven dislikes it when people persist in putting her books back. She decides, the best way to know what is going on in the library is to take a job there. With Raven managing the re-shelving, the books practically fly onto the shelves.

But, the books fly off the shelves too. The library is so big that at first no one notices that books are disappearing. Raven locates an unused space, high up in the library above the ceiling tiles of one level where she starts storing her books. Raven collects and hides books in her secret space until people notice a dramatic bulge in the ceiling above their heads. In a panic that her books might be found Raven hastily shifts her above the ceiling books closer to other floor levels and near to the outer walls of the library, where there is extra support. For awhile, no bulge shows anymore, and Raven continues to stockpile books.

After a time, the library staff realizes there is a mystery. Records show that many more books are gone off the shelves than are officially loaned out by the library. Everyone except Raven is worrying about the missing books. Then one day a new problem is discovered. For some reason, the tall library is tilting to the side...it is now a leaning tower.

Great controversy races through the library. There is talk of the need for a study to discover where all the books are going. There might be a major investigation concerning the leaning library tower. Raven thinks up a plan.

******************** 163

Andy

Noise Whenever I pause, The noise Of the village. (32)

******

By the second week of the fall semester on campus, Andy is convinced that choosing to come to university is a big mistake. He sits in the back of large classrooms wanting to blend with the walls. Being so far from the front means it can sometimes be difficult to hear the lecture over the noise of chatting students, food wrappings being opened or people coughing around the room. His professors ignore most of the student behaviour, except one day his favourite political science professor takes a student's cell phone away and actually intercepts a call. Andy lives in fear that this might happen to him. He leaves his cell phone at home. This makes him feel more cut off from his family. The students around him are caught up in their own activities and friends, with no one to speak to he feels isolated and alone.

He misses his family, he misses the reserve and he misses the students with whom he shared classes at the tribal college. The first week of classes, Andy is so lonely he drives back to the reserve midweek. The cost of an extra trip home leaves him broke. Generally, the weekdays drag by until he can escape on Friday for weekends with his family, to be on the farm in the fresh air. The weekends are like the blink of an eye. Before he can believe it, Sunday night closes in and he has to be up and on the road at five thirty Monday morning in order to arrive in good time for his first class in Calgary. Cindy and the kids cry when he leaves and it is all he can do to get in the truck and drive south for another week.

Initially when he came to the university, Andy considered taking five subjects, a full course load, so that he could finish his degree in as little time as possible. He finally settled on four courses and is glad he isn't taking a fifth class. He can't imagine how he could cope 164 with the reading and writing for another course. He's taking two Political Science courses, an introduction to Business and a Math class. He thought the Math would be a manageable option since he really enjoyed math previously, but now he is feeling lost because of the way the course is being taught on campus in a class of 200 students. The instructor whips through the problems once with little explanation and expects students to rely on their textbooks. In another three weeks there will be a midterm test and Andy is quaking, unsure of how he will be ready.

Even Political Science his major, seems unfamiliar to Andy. He is learning more about the history of modern political systems and ideas in second year courses. He is expected to read what ancient Greeks had to say and other writers from Europe. His professor is demanding that he analyze and criticize the statements and ideas of these people. Andy is awash in uncertainty.

The Political Science professors assign what seems like endless reading from these expert authorities. Andy wrestles with the assumptions at the university where books are the authorities and the source for the white people's knowledge, and learning in this university setting. In this academic culture, they say books are truth. However, his professors require him to find fault with the knowledge of the experts, to disagree, to debate or form a separate opinion. While Andy is far from convinced that only book knowledge is ultimately the truth, he can't understand the disrespect he is made to show for someone else's thinking.

Andy knows about other truths. He knows the truths of his people's stories and the truths that come from spirituality and introspection. At home, if he were exchanging ideas with the elders he would listen and appreciate what they had to tell. He would be respectful and accept the understanding of a story and the storyteller. He would never show disrespect by arguing with him.

Yet, in this confusing university culture where books are depended on for learning, Andy is told to be critical, to question. While he should accept what his professors tell him, 165 he must not accept all the knowledge shared in books. Instead he is urged to establish an argument, take a point of view debating much of what he reads. This is strange by itself, but the teachers also tell him to defend his position with supporting ideas or evidence. He is still floundering trying to determine what 'evidence' may be.

Grasping how to learn in a peculiar way and trying to interpret professors' expectations is causing Andy sleepless nights. When it comes to tests he is soon even more troubled. He took several exams while at the tribal college but there a relaxed atmosphere seemed to help. The exams in large classes at the university usually contain a long series of multiple choice questions which can befuddle him sorting out what is being asked. The questions often include language that tries to trick him and several similar choices for answers. To Andy more than one of the possible answers seems right if you think about the relationships of things. His First Nations upbringing has shown him how so many things are connected, truly all things in the universe. Andy sees implicit connections that his fellow students and even his professor do not acknowledge or credit as relevant.

When he writes a test and has to pick a single right answer from among given possibilities, it goes against what he knows about the world. Yet to pass exams, Andy must ignore his customary way of viewing the world. Somehow he must narrow and confine his thinking and restructure his world view to a linear approach. He is constantly striving to identify what is the right answer in the eyes of his professors. Trying to be skillful in these different ways of thinking, writing papers and preparing for taking tests working under imposed time restraints and pressures creates a climbing level of stress for Andy.

Andy experiences self doubt at the same time he doubts the European ways in which he is being required to learn. The purposes of learning in such a manner are not immediately clear. White people seem to have mysterious values. Andy questions what he is experiencing in the university culture. Why do the professors think speed is so important? Why does an exam have to be written in a hurry on a set day? An essay is good only when submitted on a specific date? Does what he has learned not have use or merit otherwise? Don't the white people, his instructors see the contradictions in what they 166 demand? If book knowledge is the origin for truth, then how can they not be absolutely accurate or bearing the whole truth. How can it be a good thing to question the wisdom of others? And, if it is so good to be critical of thoughts and ideas, why don't the teachers question their basic beliefs and assumptions.. .that their science and their knowledge are the only truth?

A growing conflict between his culture and the culture of the university keeps Andy on edge. He has to work past this conflict every day at school. He wonders which approach is the better way. He knows he can not reject all the knowledge of the university. It is why he is here as a student. It is a path into learning many things about the world and society that he can use. Yet, he cannot give up his own traditions, the knowledge and ways of learning that he feels were given to him when he was born a Cree person. Andy resists, where he can, the daily assault on his heritage, but he often feels separated from who he is as a person.

After days and weeks of conflict, Andy tells himself that surviving at university is like learning to play a game, figuring out the rules. And it's like rodeo. You have to pay attention, so you don't get bucked off. While Andy continues to feel the clash between his own culture and that of the white people's view of the world, he uneasily determines that at the university he will do what he must to accomplish his courses.

At the end of the week, Andy is desperate to return home for a break. In his home he can be Cree again, speak his language, hear stories, learn from his elders and embrace his spirituality. He can surround himself with the life of the natural world and re-establish relationship with the real world. For a day or two a week he does not have to feel like he is somebody else. With the start of another week Andy goes once more to face the obstacles of the university.

******************** 167

Charlene

Walking Against the Wind I am walking From my family and safe home Toward the knowledge prized by others I am walking From my people's ancient traditions Toward learning locked in books inside four walls I am walking From friend's laughter and familiar pastimes Towards the four winds I am walking I am walking against the wind.

In the first few months at the university, Charlene does her best to stick with her plan to get to know other students that sit near her in class by speaking to three or four people, and that helps. Still, she misses Pipestone College class sizes which were smaller and cozier. Although, she's been to the offices of all her professors, only one was willing to talk with her for amy length of time. Another professor in a Sociology course refers her to his Teaching Assistant who conducts the tutorial discussion group for the course. After a midterm, Charlene seeks out the young Teaching Assistant telling her, "I'm really struggling with some of the concepts here. Can't quite figure out how these things are supposed to connect."

The Teaching Assistant is disinterested, sniffs in a contemptful manner. She looks everywhere but at Charlene, and speaks impatiently, "Well, if you haven't figured it out by now, you probably aren't going to. I really don't have the time to be spending on this!"

Charlene is crushed by the attitude and tone of the TA. She thought this person was supposed to be helping her to learn. She packs up her papers and leaves. Charlene feels miserable throughout the day, and can't wait for classes to be over. She has more studying for a test in another course to do, but has no confidence. Her experience with the TA leaves 168 her confused, wondering why she is trying. It is difficult to study that evening. Although her test the next morning goes well, Charlene is depressed about what the results will be.

Back in Sociology later in the week, Charlene asks the student beside her whether she can explain one of the concepts Charlene is troubled by. Her fellow student turns out to be just as unsure as Charlene. This causes Charlene to feel better, even if she is still confused. She sits with the friendly student after class for several minutes, sharing course notes and talking some ideas over. Each of them develops a little better understanding. They agree to talk after lectures and tutorials for the rest of the semester. Charlene is happy to make a friend and find a study partner.

The first semester is a difficult adjustment for Charlene and her family. Charlene spends long hours at school. She travels over forty minutes to and from the university. She wants to be home to pick the children up from school and daycare, but often she needs to stay later to go to the library or to catch up on readings. Her husband's plan to get a job in Calgary hasn't turned out. Jobs are scarce. Denny made a reasonable salary on the reserve in construction, but in the city he has no contacts and the builders he speaks with show no interest in hiring him. He thinks it is because he is Native. Since Denny can't find work, it means he often picks up Sky and the twins. He takes care of the children more and more.

Charlene appreciates the way Denny pitches in and supports her going to school. But day after day goes by and the hours spent on difficult school work mean she is unable to be with her children. Charlene discovers she feels guilty, as well as frequently left out and she is jealous that Denny gets to play with the girls, watch TV, go to movies or take them to the reserve on weekends when she can't afford to take the time to go home herself.

By the beginning of December, Charlene and the family are struggling with the combined pressures of homesickness, her stress at end of term exams and growing financial worries. Charlene throws herself into the final two weeks of studying for the term, knowing that once exams are over, it won't be long before the family can take advantage of the term 169 break to return to the reserve for almost a month. But as it turns out, the weeks back on the reserve help to make Charlene anxious to get back to school.

On the reserve over the holiday period, family gatherings and festivities are saddened by several community tragedies, a suicide, two fatal alcohol related car collisions, a gang knifing, and a murder. In her own family, there is anguish and sorrow when Charlene's cousin's four year old child is sexually assaulted by another relative. So many heart breaking situations and deaths! Disputes and violence of all kinds are too common and lurk just below the surface of the daily life of Charlene's community. The casualties over the Christmas break are distressingly high, almost overpowering. Charlene wants better things for her children, relatives and the people all around her. She is sure that giving up school, staying on the reserve and doing nothing is not the way to find answers for so many problems.

On her return to the city for the beginning of the winter semester, Charlene is more determined than ever to keep going and to accomplish her degree. She is determined that with knowledge and skills, she can become a help to the women and children at home. Charlene goes back to the city with Sky and her twins. This time though, Denny stays behind. His old boss has offered him a job as a construction foreman and the family needs the money in order to manage. While before Charlene was wishing she had more time with the girls, now she must learn to cope during the week on her own. Weekends, Denny comes to Calgary to catch up with the family allowing Charlene free time for her assignments and studying.

Charlene enrolls in classes scheduled between the children's school hours, she spends time with them over homework and meals, she bathes them and puts her daughters to bed before seven thirty in the evening. Some nights, cereal makes a quick supper when she has a paper to write and three hungry children. There are dishes, lunches and laundry to do. Only then can she turn to her own homework or studies until midnight when she collapses into bed. In the morning she is up at six, organizing dressing, breakfasts and urging everyone out the door, getting Sky to daycare and the twins to school before 170 travelling to the university. Short opportunities between her classes she devotes to the library and study groups. University is testing her. It is lonely and stressful without Denny or any of her relatives. It is demanding being both parents all week. Her university work is constantly making her demand more of herself and to question....re-evaluate her understanding of the world. But, when she feels she can't go on, Charlene thinks about life on the reserve, the hardships of her family and friends. Then, it is easier to push herself to go on.

******************** 171

Andy

Return Song They are taking me away, but my feathers will bring me back again. (33)

******

Study commitments and due dates, pile up on Andy. It seems that even his precious weekends at home are endangering his school work. There is little leisure for fun with Blake and Jessica, or talks with Cindy. He wants to spend a portion of his time with his elders Louis Sunchild and Harold. He resents it when he has to start cutting his weekends short and return to the city Sunday afternoons, because he needs to spend more hours reading and writing. Andy is alarmed that he failed a midterm in Math, and he is just scraping by in his other courses. This is not how university was supposed to be.

Going to school on the reserve he was taking small intimate classes and he was achieving excellent grades in his three courses, getting his studying done during the day and enjoying family life. He misses contact with his professors and peers. On campus now with four courses, he is doing hours of Math homework and then never ending course readings, always with a dictionary at hand, scrambling to manage extra time for research and writing essays. Four courses seem like too many. He is tired most of the time. Andy is forcing himself to go to classes some days. But, the fear of falling behind or missing key information keeps him returning to campus. He seeks out a quiet place to study in the Native Student Centre.

Trying to keep himself going in other ways, more and more Andy thinks of going to school as a rodeo. He knows he has several tough horses ahead of him, all trying to throw him. Some days the ride is uneventful, others Andy is pretty sure he is going to be ditched or trampled by the horse named university. One of the tough horses he finds is worrying about money. His rented room is not fancy but the cost of accommodation, plus food and 172 then parking as well as gas for his truck is creating problems. His sponsorship doesn't cover all these costs and Cindy's job barely pays family costs on the reserve. Cindy says they need more money for the kid's sports and at the same time, she wants Andy to come home more often. He feels guilty that he can't help out with money for the family. Andy wishes that he had managed to save some of his rodeo winnings over the years, so they could use them now. Occasionally, he borrows gas money from his father. Some days Andy skips meals so that he can always afford the gas to get home.

********************

The Lonesome Youth I am lonesome, travelling alone. There is none here. My heart is to cry, because I am travelling alone. Just when the sun is sinking, I am lonely as I go. (34)

********************

The rodeo of the university brings Andy yet another challenge. In his business course the professor announces that students have to give two group presentations. Andy can't recall ever being part of a group presentation .. .unless it was in elementary or junior high school years before. Andy is startled the day the professor calls for groups to form. He watches as those around him collect first their friends and likely looking others together. Andy feels excluded. This new expectation is threatening. It forces him to assert himself. The professor gives time for the groups to organize. Andy reluctantly approaches a red headed student who always sits near him at the back of the room. They've said 'Hi!' a few times. The student is already talking to two other people, but the professor wants groups of up to four or five members.

Andy speaks quickly, "Hi, I'm Andy. Can I be part of this group?" 173

The red head looks back at Andy out of green eyes. He darts a glance at the other two in his group and replies, "Uhhhh. I guess. I'm Jeremy. This is Sandra and John."

Sandra and John say nothing. They do not appear welcoming. Andy senses the hesitation from the students who are probably a decade younger. On their faces a fleeting play of expressions resolves into careful blankness. He interprets this to mean they don't like being stuck with him. He is sure they doubt a Native person can contribute to their group...would have anything to offer.

Andy regrets speaking to these people, but he approached them and he has to be part of a group. Although he would rather walk away from these strangers who seem to be writing him off, he is unwilling to retreat, to give in to his own feelings of inferiority, or to the lack of enthusiasm apparent from the others. He stands his ground. Trying to find another group could be worse.

Quietly, Andy asks what topic the group wants to present from the list provided by the professor. Discussion and debate thrives for several minutes. Andy chooses to listen, his low self-confidence getting the better of him. He doesn't try to talk to the group about the topic of most interest to him. Jeremy finally assumes some leadership, getting a vote on a topic, presentation date and letting the professor know what their group is doing. He also begins to plan and delegate responsibilities. The younger people take on most of the work and leave the least amount for Andy. He agrees to do the necessary reading and a written report for the portion left to him. Since he needs time for his family, he is glad he has only a little extra reading to do. Still, he thinks these young people are insulting. He feels angry at the implicit messages his fellow students are giving him. They make him question his own competence.

Briefly Andy thinks about quitting the group, the course or both, although, he doesn't want to give up, or give in to the prejudice he feels. Rather than be beaten, Andy goes to work on the written notes for the report, and puts his reading and note-taking skills to work. Andy developed a high degree of proficiency practicing these skills in the 174 university preparation programme at the tribal college. It turns out this first group assignment is relatively easy for him. Once he finishes the notes he agreed to supply, he does additional work for himself, summarizing all the readings his group has to cover. Andy grows more confident with a solid understanding of the group topic.

When Andy meets with the others they hand in their work so Jeremy can organize the report. Later that day, Andy receives a phone call from Jeremy. He says the point form notes Andy has given him are excellent. It turns out, the youngest group member, John, submitted notes on a lengthy section of the readings which are incomplete...sketchy, in fact. Jeremy fears the group will be given a terrible mark if he relies on John's notes.

Jeremy surprises Andy by asking his advice. Andy would like nothing more to do with these people, who a short while ago showed him they didn't think much of a First Nations person. He wonders if these university students care much about anyone but themselves or about anything but getting high marks. Despite his reaction to Jeremy's complaints, Andy suggests it is possible that because John is still a first year student, he doesn't have much experience taking notes. Jeremy worries that John might be lazy and Andy thinks perhaps he is just not clear on how to manage university work.

Jeremy repeats to Andy his concern that the group as a whole may not do well because of John. Andy decides that he can help his group. He tells Jeremy that he has notes available for the section that is a problem. The following day Andy meets with Jeremy, Sandy and John. He gives each of them a copy of his notes. He tells them that he learned to take notes from an instructor at the college at home. He points out that notes are easier to follow if you use headings, subheadings, and short statements that condense key words and ideas. The others are impressed with Andy's notes. Andy shows them how he also uses lots of shortforms of words which he'll understand when he is studying. Andy allows the group to copy his notes and to use them for the summary given during their presentation to the class. In the end, the group does well and receives good marks from the professor. 175

Jeremy, Sandy and John now frequently join Andy in the class. Sitting next to each other during lectures permits them to compare lecture notes. Jeremy and the others, if they had doubts before about Andy appear to have gotten past them. Andy learns that these students never before met a Native person. They are curious about his First Nations background, especially Jeremy who soon begins asking him questions. Andy shares a few details with them about where his family lives. Then he braces for more questions because these Canadians don't seem to know anything about Native peoples...their fellow citizens. 176

DeePee

Prayer to the Four Quarters Over there are the mountains. May you see them as long as you live, From them, may you receive sweet pine for incense.

Strength will come from the North. May you look for many years upon 'the star that never moves.'

A new day will come from below, from the East, Where lives the light of the sun.

May the warm winds of the South Bring you success in securing your journey's ends. (35)

******

Exiting the parkade DeeDee turns the car east towards the reserve and home. It's been another long day on campus. Her last class didn't end until after six p.m. Since she's driving this week, the others were waiting and ready to go when she met them at the Centre. Out on the road it's quiet in the car, while they wend their way through the remains of rush hour traffic in order to clear the city. There are lots of crazy drivers cutting in, tailgating and creating hazards on the way. Once they clear the city and are traveling at a safe speed, there are still crazies trying to warp past all the other vehicles on the road.

As the miles go by and the traffic lightens, everyone is more comfortable. Conversation is possible. Jennifer asks, "How'd your midterm go Gloria?"

"Bad." Gloria replies, "REAL bad! I couldn't guess which were the right answers...it took me forever to try to choose the answer. I didn't get finished. I hate multiple choice! I'm gonna fail this course, the way things are goin'."

"I feel the same way in one of my courses," Jennifer tells the group.

"Me too," both Dee and Rachel agree. 177

"Why do professors try to trick us? It's not fair. All the information is new to us. Here we are doin' new stuff in academic language...jargon and 'scientific' terms... and they make it harder by trying to trick us and confuse us. Well they're succeedin'. I'm confused!" Gloria vents her frustrations.

Dee notes the affect a change in learning environment is having on them all, "Things were easier at the College, eh? Even with multiple choice...the professors seemed to ask fairer questions. In big classes here.. .the multiple choice questions...they ask about things in different ways...like it's not whether you know stuff, it's whether you can guess what we're talkin' about in the question. How is this helpin' us learn?"

"Steep learnin' curve. ..steep gradin' curve. I heard before...when I was at university last time," Ernestine offers, "some professors are fine if you fail. They don't want everyone with good marks...their course looks 'too easy'. Some professors set out wantin' some to fail, some with C's, some with B's, a couple a A's. It's the system. I used to think when I was failin' sometimes, it was all my fault. Don't get me wrong.. .there were times when it was, eh?...didn't study enough when kids were sick, chose to go to Bingo or whatever.. .but other times, I worked my butt off and some stinker of an exam would take me down. I didn't understand the questions...the language. The system the white people set up in schools...the system is so some are gonna fail. It's another strange thing about white culture. First they say you gotta be educated...then they say they're gonna fail you. Does that make sense? Me, I'm planning not to be failin' again!"

"Good plan, Ern. How you gonna make that happen? We need to know!" Dee inquires.

"Pay off my professors, Eeeaah!" Ernestine laughs, looks at their faces. "No? More studyin'! Eeaah!"

Rachel groans, "Great, more studyin'? That's your answer?" 178

"Well the studyin' includes a book I bought on 'How to Study.' There's a section on multiple choice tests, if you want to read it Gloria... Dee... any one? And I'm workin' harder all the time on pickin' up new words... from what I read... from the professors. If I know what the words mean, then I can figure out the questions better.. .then it won't be so easy to trick me. I try to follow real close what the professors say will be on an exam...mostly they guide you some. And, I'm bein' real careful when I can about what courses I take...what professors. I like classes without multiple choice exams when I can get 'em.. .or at least when the whole mark doesn't come from them!"

"I'm with you on that!" DeeDee likes Ernestine's notion about the careful selection of courses.

"Maybe I'll photocopy some of your book, Ernestine? The section on multiple choice and...is there one on textbook reading...I could use that, too?" Gloria asks.

"Yeah, there's all kinds of stuff could be useful. You can copy what you need," Ernestine assures the others.

"Remember at orientation...someone said there're classes on study skills on campus. I wouldn't mind goin' to some. We can ask maybe...at the Centre...when, where they run those, eh?" Rachel suggests.

"Good idea. If they happen when we're on campus and not in classes, it might be good to attend one...especially on multiple choice tests!" DeeDee encourages the group.

"Okay, let's check it out next time we're on campus." Jennifer urges the others.

Gloria asks Ernestine, "When can I take a look at your book?"

"You can borrow it this weekend if you want, "Ernestine says, "I've got a few other things to do.. .take my grandson to a hockey tournament...and I'm goin' to Bingo on 179

Friday. I wrote two tests and handed in a paper this week. I'm takin' a break. I haven't been to Bingo since September, and I promised my sister I'd go with her. Anyone else wanna go?"

"Lucky, Ernestine. Bingo! Holy, Eaah, I'd love to go! All this school," Jennifer half-laughs, half-cries, "I never get to take time off. I never get to just hang out, like before!"

"Me either," Rachel agrees, while Dee and Gloria nod their heads. "Before school, I had a life...1 spent time with my mother, my grandmothers.. .my aunts and cousins. We visited...cooked, sewed, talked...you know, family together. Nothing urgent...no schedules. Now, everything I do is 'what day is it'?...how many hours, minutes, seconds until deadlines...having to be at the university...time on the road. It's tough. My family complains I'm never around. I miss bein' with my relatives., .our bein' together for days...doin' fall things.. .or winter.. .you know?"

"Yeah, Rachel. We know. I miss those things too," Dee observes sadly. "By choosin' school we're kinda changin' a more traditional way of life. Once we're done school... if... when we go workin' some where... most places there will be schedules too, eh? They keep 'em at the school.. .the Band office. It's a clock world... modern world. Many people on the reserve seem to live more that way now."

"Well, I think it's time for Bingo, like Ernestine says. Why don't we all go? Let's all go on Friday!" Jennifer suggests.

"Not sure I can get anyone to keep my girl on Friday," Gloria replies. "If I'm borrowin' Ern's book, I should probably study anyway."

"No way Gloria.. .you can make up for it later, after you've had a break. It's been a tough week, you need a break, too. Your girl can come stay with my girls if you like," Jennifer insists. 180

Gloria looks relieved and smiles at Jennifer, "Okay. I'm up for Bingo. Who else?"

"I think my Mother will watch my kids," DeeDee considers, "Okay. Rachel?" Rachel laughs, "Nothin's keepin' me away. A night out...and I'm planin' to bring home the big bucks!"

"Eeeaah, Eeaaah!" The others laugh, Dee declares, "You'll never Bingo before lucky Ernie. Bingo is her middle name. How many cards do you play Ernestine, five, ten, fifteen?"

********************

Martial Medicine Songs Light as a raven's feather Is my flight.

The heavens I use

I will return to my home In safety.

It is uncertain what will happen. (36)

********************

Walking to the car after another full day in winter semester, DeeDee, Jennifer and Rachel are telling Ernestine and Gloria about the course they're taking in the social history of Canada. "It's wild, eh? There seem to have been laws against so many different people in this country...Trying to keep some out, trying to make everyone the same. Canadians like to think their mainstream society is so fair. It's a myth. We've learned some about early slavery in Canada... some of the people that got pushed to settle here. How the society was divided quite a bit...everybody wasn't considered equal right at the beginning...when Europeans started to arrive. Things got more unequal after that. And we've spent a chunk 181 of time on the Indian Act and us bein' wards of the government. This course is an eye- opener. Society here's been a lot worse than I ever knew. Today we started hearin' about laws that were passed against Asian people...you know...Chinese. Some came, or tried to come here, back when the railroad was bein' built. The government set up laws to keep them out." "Yeah," Jennifer says, "they made them pay to come...refused to let men bring their families. The wives...they used to hide them...they were sneakin' them into the country.

Rachel adds, "Uh huh...or paying a high head tax. Always....it comes down to money. Even race laws change for money. It rules the white world...the capitalist world."

"The government back then...white people...they tried to keep Asians out., .others too," DeeDee shares more of what they've learned while she digs for her car keys, "...they tried to make everyone the same as them...especially Indians like us. The instructor says the basic idea was that Europeans...British thought they were the best, dominating the world by military might and wealth, modern technology, industry and political institutions. They thought they were superior and everything should be done their way and everyone should be like them. Turns out a hundred years later...not everyone in the world agrees with that!"

"We didn't get assimilated... I guess lots of others didn't either, huh ["Ernestine agrees.

"I think there's still lots of pressure., .from society... to be like white people," Gloria observes. "I feel it sometimes.. .1 felt it a lot in foster care. But on the reserve, there is pressure to be just like the people there. It seems people are mostly comfortable around people who are like them. I like bein' with other Aboriginal people. I expect Asians like bein' with Asians and Africans like bein' with Africans. Figuring out who you are, where it's comfortable... it's not easy...the world doesn't make it easy."

DeeDee opens the car doors with her keys as everyone nods appreciating Gloria's experience of living in different homes and communities. Even without the difficulties of 182 foster care, they're familiar with the challenges of developing self-understanding. Dee notices a large folded paper trapped under the driver's side windshield wiper and lifts it out. Opening the paper she reads, 'Wagonburner don't park anywhere near my car ever again!'

Dee looks around feeling threatened, but she sees that the parking spots next to hers are empty and she doesn't see another soul on the level of the parkade. She climbs into the car and wordlessly passes the paper to Jennifer sitting beside her. Jennifer reads it and then hands it back to Gloria, Rachel and Ernestine. Like DeeDee, Jennifer, Gloria and Rachel look anxiously around outside the car. Several of the women feel close to tears until Ernestine starts to swear loudly. "Who they callin' a wagonburner? Me? You guys? Wagonburner! I haven't burnt any wagons...my ancestors didn't burn any wagons. What about yours DeeDee?"

"No, Ern...my ancestors didn't burn any wagons either," DeeDee replies caught between tears and laughter.

"Damn John Wayne...and Hollywood westerns anyhow!" Ernestine shouts.

"You don't have an Indian on the car door DeeDee. How'd anybody know who the car belongs to?" Gloria glares at the vehicles parked around them.

Jennifer and DeeDee point together at the two loops of sweetgrass hanging from the rear view mirror. "Maybe they saw the sweetgrass," DeeDee says. "I don't remember noticing anyone get out of cars near us this morning, but I suppose people recognize us as Indian."

"There are always bigots, huh, the university is not much different than mainstreet," Jennifer shakes her head. "I get sick of it though." 183

"I think there is prejudice everywhere. The university is maybe not as bad," Gloria comments. "When I went to school and lived in the city, I ran into it everywhere. On the reserve, it's because you lived in the city, plus my sisters and I get looked down on sometimes, because our skin is darker than lots of other Natives., .we're not light or white enough!"

"Brown is beautiful Gloria. We're all Red Indians to everyone else. But it's true, on the reserve some people like to think they're better Indians. In town, I remember my city school days as worse. I wasn't like anyone else! No other Natives. The university, too, in those days and nowadays" Ernestine agrees, "has its share of bigots...prejudiced people... some of those people you were talkin' about before, who think they are superior. Back when I first started out at university there was an English teacher told me my English wasn't good enough...I didn't belong here. Scared me off then I ain't gettin' scared off anymore. I tell myself, I can do this and I'm not goin' to quit no matter what. How about you DeeDee?"

"Yeah, what you gonna do?" Gloria echoes Ernestine.

"I dunno. I...we can tell them, show them the note at the Native Centre...but what can they do? I guess the university Security people...would they do anything? " DeeDee wonders. "There are hundreds of students in and out of here every day. How would I even know who the bigot is...that I'm not supposed to park beside. As long as we're all together, we should be safe. Besides, it's a gutless bigot stuck a note on the car. Like Ernestine says, I'm not willin' to be scared away."

"Me neither," Jennifer supports Dee's attitude. "In some of our courses, eh... when we read Native authors, the white students and some of the others...they make fun of the writing or complain, 'cause they don't understand the images or about spirits and ancestors. They look down their noses like we're not even human bein's. Their attitude is White stories and authors are the only good ones. That's crap. Those students are so ignorant." 184

Rachel shares Jennifer's experience in one of their classes, "I don't know why some of those students even take courses about Native people if all they're gonna do is sneer and act as though they're so much better. Some of those people have minds that are all closed up!"

"Holy! Do they ever." Jennifer asserts bravely, "It's not goin' to prevent me from attendin' or speakin' in class. Studying about Native topics is what I want to do. If there are bigots there.. .1 guess they can learn somethin' whether they want to or not. A handful of racists aren't gonna make me give up on that class.. .or university.. .or parkin', eh, DeeDee?"

"Right, Jen. No quitting. We keep goin' all the way!" Dee agrees. "Same for everyone?" She exchanges high five agreements with Rachel, Gloria, Jennifer and Ernestine. "We're gonna make it no matter how hard people try to make us quit. We're humans with rights! We're first peoples! We won't let them keep us from an education. We won't let them stop us creating a life for our families."

DeeDee starts the car and drives out of the parkade. The friends contemplate the events of the day and their plans for tomorrow as they head homeward on the highway. Overhead a complement of crows and magpies flies up, calling loudly and wheeling across the sky.

******************** 185

Cycle III Stories of Growth

Charlene

The Sky Clears

Verily The sky clears When my drum Sounds For me Verily The waters are smooth When my drum Sounds for me. (37)

******

"Professor Silverstein, can I talk to you about the book review assignment?" Charlene speaks hesitantly, standing in the office doorway of the instructor in her Women's Studies course.

"Yes, certainly," Professor Silverstein responds, "Which of my courses are you in? What's your name?"

Charlene understands that Professor Silverstein isn't likely to remember her. Not from a class with over a hundred students. She's only spoken to the professor briefly once before in January during the first month of classes. She'd wanted to see the professor again sooner, but with studies, children and housework, the weeks slip by. Now she is facing the uncomfortable problem of speaking to the professor about her essay assignment due in only two weeks. Eyes respectfully lowered, she introduces herself,

"I'm Charlene, Charlene Lightning. I'm in Representations of Women in Popular Culture. I was wondering about the essay...the book report." 186

"Oh yes, Charlene. Are you having a problem or do you just have a question?" Professor Silverstein prompts. She wonders why, the student won't look at her.

Charlene smiles a little. It's a relief to have someone call her by name. So often it seems at university, a person loses humanity.. .becomes only a number. Being regarded as a human being for a moment is good. She lifts her eyes a little, but quickly lowers them again.

"It's about the list...the books to choose from. I looked through the titles and I've checked over some of the books in the library and.. .well, I haven't found one.. .that I want to do a report on. You see...I'm Native, an Aboriginal, and there are no books here.. .on the list.. .that are by or talk about Native women. I'd like to do a report on a book by and about a Native woman. At university... sometimes... there isn't a lot...courses don't include much about Natives ...or Native women. That's what matters to me. I'd like to do a book review on something that touches on a Native woman's experience."

Charlene pauses to catch her breath and to give Professor Silverstein a chance to answer. The professor scans her own copy of the list of titles offered for review. "I'm afraid you're right, Charlene. There are no books by Native authors on this list, largely because the course topics don't reference Native women in Canada...our study is broader...although the paper is intended to allow students to examine an area of personal curiosity..."

Charlene rushes to plead her case, "I was really hoping I could make a choice to report on a book that would apply to my culture and people.. .or to my experience..."

"I perfectly understand your interest," the professor continues speaking. She tries to catch her student's eye. "Charlene, I appreciate your making the request. Do you have a book in mind?"

Charlene is surprised by the apparent willingness of her professor to consider alternatives. "Yes, I borrowed it from the library. I have it here." She pulls the book from 187 her knapsack handing it to Professor Silverstein. While her professor glances at the forward of the book and scans through the pages, Charlene sits quietly, not quite holding her breath.

Finally, Professor Silverstein looks up, with a smile, makes a short note at her desk, closes the book and passes it back. "Charlene, this book appears like an excellent choice for your report. Yes, you may use it instead of one of the other titles. I'm glad you brought it to my attention. In fact, I've taken down the book information so that I can add it to the reading list for next year. It's a bit of an oversight on my part not to include at least one Native writer."

"Thank you, Professor. I'm really glad...it's important to me...and I think it will be interesting, you know.. .relevant to me," Charlene feels excited and happy for the first time since she started classes on campus. Although this professor is one she likes and admires, today is their first opportunity to connect and Charlene is elated that her request is welcomed and approved.

Curious, Professor Silverstein asks, "Do none of your other courses have content about Native people, either?"

"Not right now. Last semester I took a history course.. .on Western Canada.. .and some of it.. .a few lectures talked about Native peoples. But generally my courses.. .Native people don't exist. They don't appear. There is nothing to reflect us as people, our beliefs, our knowledge. It's like we don't exist...or mostly, we are not included...I think it is mainly the mainstream..." Charlene voices some of her frustration, but isn't sure if her professor will be annoyed or whether she can understand.

Professor Silverstein listening, nods, "Perhaps we instructors, some of us, don't know enough about Aboriginal people or think about having you as students in our classes. And, you are right, much of what is taught is about the mainstream and generalities.. .how things are in general. We may not talk about specific populations in that case. Yet, it is clear that Native people are in the university and some of the information at least could 188 relate to your issues...your population. Focusing only on the mainstream can keep us oblivious to other significant information. I'm pleased you've given me a new source for my own course."

Charlene readies herself to leave. Dr. Silverstein seems anxious to encourage her, adding, "Still, you are doing the right thing Charlene. By choosing books and topics that pertain to Native people, you can access germane material that has relevancy for you. Searching out some more courses that relate mainly to Native people might also be useful for you. At this university...every university seems to be different... I think you can find some Aboriginal content classes in the course catalogue under Canadian Studies or Indigenous Studies."

Charlene tells her professor that she's heard about some of those courses and hopes to take them. She thanks Dr. Silverstein warmly a second time for her approving her book. Charlene briefly looks at the professor and catches sight of her receptive approval. When her professor smiles Charlene is able to return the smile. Her professor walks with her towards the door, "I'll look forward to learning more about this book when I read your report on an Aboriginal author, Charlene."

********************

Raven Builds a Library (Part2) Raven wants no one searching out her books, so she adopts a disguise as the head of the library. She wears a dark suit, thick glasses and makes her voice very authoritative. Raven calls all the library people together and tells them, "There is no doubt; any naked eye can see it. The library is tipping over. We need a new library. Everyone should make suggestions about what the new library will look like."

The librarians are hugely pleased to be asked for recommendations. The library staff have lots of discussions and request that the new building have lots and lots of computers for students to use. One day Raven tells them, "A great idea has emerged from discussions. In addition to having computers in the new library, to control books in the coming months, no one will be allowed in to the library shelves." Raven encourages the librarians, "Believe me, the shelves will remain tidier and fewer books will be misplaced or lost when students are no longer permitted to handle the books and select whatever they want from the shelves. Then in the new library we'll be the only ones allowed in with the books." 189

Raven's plan goes into effect. Fewer and fewer books leave the library because people aren't allowed to browse the shelves. Before long people are beginning to forget that the books are there for them to borrow. Instead, they use the computers to do their research. Some days the lines for computers are really long, and students get very unhappy. Raven doesn't care about computers or what students want. It is enough that more and more of the books are tucked up in the library where Raven can have them for her own.

Each day, the library tower leans further as Raven hides more books against the outside walls, above the ceilings. Construction begins in a hurry on the new library. Then Raven calls the library staff together again and tells them, "We have a new emergency. For the safety of people the library books must be moved from here right away!"

Some library employees protest, "What will people do without the books? How will they manage their studies and research?"

Raven shrugs, "Since I am the head of the library, I've made this decision. The other day, I found a perfect place to store my books. It is a huge empty building with no windows. It is ready for all my lovely stories."

"How can people consult the books if they are not here?" A stubborn librarian inquires.

Raven smirks, "Haven't you noticed? While students have had to request books and wait for staff to locate them. ..fewer books are leaving the library. People don't need to consult the stories. The ones who do ask for books, just have to wait for us to retrieve them."

So the librarians begin to move the books to Raven's special storage building. The move happens just in the nick of time as the library ceilings collapse and piles of books appear on the floors all over the library. The books are boxed up and trucked miles away to a dark and dry warehouse. Thousands and thousands of books are moved into archive storage and left in the dark. Every night, Raven wanders the miles of shelves, selecting a new story or two to gloat over before she puts them safely back. Raven is certain she's gathering the majority of the stories kept at the University. The stories will be all for her and Coyote and Wisakidjak won't share in these stories. Raven keeps the key to the storage building securely in her suit pocket.

Construction of the new library takes awhile, but it is finished before Raven collects all the books. When the librarians start to move books and furnishings back into the new library, Raven stops them by rerouting the new heating and cooling pipes so that everything malfunctions.

This time, Raven tells the staff, "Moving must halt! Things are not working in this new building! No more books should be moved from the old library...except into storage. And we have to keep using the old library." 190

The librarians keep using the old library, and they keep moving books into storage. Raven and the librarians won't let people look for their own books. As Raven reminds the librarians day after day, as far as she is concerned, the books don't belong to the people to use.

Later when all the construction repairs are completed, and the new library is opening, Raven makes a speech to the library employees. Raven shouts, "Here is a new library! It is fresh for the future. It is spacious and uncluttered. We will keep it this way. There are lots and lots of computers. Let the people enjoy this nifty technology. A few of the newest books are here in secure areas in the new library. From now on librarians will always retrieve books for any would-be borrowers."

The librarians groan aloud. Retrieving books is a pain. Library users resent not being allowed to explore the library. But, Raven continues convincing the staff that libraries must change, "People no longer need to be troubled by books full of old stories, forgotten information that is out of date. Those stories don't interest anyone nowadays. Old stories we can leave in archive."

Some of the librarians object loudly, "No, no! We have to have books in the library. We need more books for people to study, to read! Give us the key to the archive! We need to bring books back to the new library!"

The librarians close in around Raven. She clutches the key and tries to dodge them. When she feels a hand on her shoulder, Raven drops her disguise and before the startled faces of the librarians, she flies up into the girders of the new library. She ignores the calls and pleading from below. Days pass and finally the librarians quit calling. Raven flies down wanting to escape the building. As she skims towards the main door, Raven's eye is catches movement on a computer screen she is passing. She recognizes letters and words just like those in a book. Raven lands abruptly on a table top beside the computer monitor. She asks the young man working at the keyboard, "What are those words...is that a story on the computer?"

The student rubs his eyes, weary from hours of gazing at a screen, "I'm reading a study.. .how some research was done, how it turned out when it was completed last year..

Raven interrupts, "You're reading! So it is a story! You mean you're reading a story on that computer thing?"

"Well, I guess you could say it's a kind of story. It's a description of.. .discoveries, but it's science..." the puzzled student replies.

"There are stories in there...in the computer?" Raven persists, is astonished. "I thought the library kept all the stories? "Yeah, Mmh, there are stories in libraries and computers, both. Libraries have some information, but not all. There are libraries everywhere, right? They all have stories," the knowledgeable young person assures Raven. "Computers can carry lots of kinds of stories 191 too, newspaper stories, non-fiction, fiction, essays, journals, research articles, people's blogs, books, even movies!"

Raven is excited. Her head practically spins, "Stories and Books I know! That's what I want. There are other libraries? There are more stories and books in computers? What's an essay? What's a blog? What's a movie? I want stories!"

"A blog is a person's ideas or experiences and opinions...their own story, I guess. A movie is a story made of moving pictures... told by actors usually." The young man is perplexed but tries to be clear. He wonders how he can be talking to a bird.

"Then books are not the only stories in this library.. .this University world.. .or this city? Where can I find all the stories that go inside a computer?" Raven is already to add these stories to the books she has secreted in the archive.

"As far as I know, the stories on computer are endless.. .maybe there are as many or more of them than there are books. Anyone who has a computer and access to the internet can add stories... many stories, all kinds of stories... articles, poetry, music... it goes on and on," the student responds cheerfully.

"I want to keep all the stories for me!" Raven cries. She is stumped and mystified by what the man is saying. "What is the internet.. .where can I find it?"

"You get to the internet on a computer, but I guess you could say the internet is everywhere. Basically, of course it's electrical currents in the air sent by...data wires and energy transferring words and pictures from one place to another. It's a way people communicate over the airwaves so others can view the words! But, I really gotta get back to work, now." The student turns to the screen, hoping the unnerving bird occupying his desk will leave.

Raven is aghast. Computers have more stories, but in the air...just like the old days when oral stories were on the air, in the wind. Those oral stories are there for a time; they visit, float and are gone until the next time the storyteller shares his words. Raven can't hope to capture all the stories...not while there are multiple libraries, oral stories or internet stories.

Her plan is foiled. Raven streaks out through the opening library door over the heads of two people. As the door swings shut Raven is nearly pinned. She is knocked and drops the archive building key from the tip of her wing, and it falls to the pavement below. A passing pedestrian accidentally kicks the key into the gutter where it disappears through the sewer grate.

Raven screeches in anger. There are more stories out in the world for the people to share than she ever imagined. All the stories will never belong to her alone. Raven will have to find another way to keep one up on Coyote and Wisakidjak. As she soars into sky past the empty old library tower, it stands tall and upright against the horizon.

******************** 193

Andy

Trusting Song The spirit walking In the sky Takes care of me. (38)

******

There are all kinds of groups Andy thinks as he spies a crowd of crows and magpies rattling loudly at one another in the tree branches over the campus parking lot where he leaves the truck. Andy appreciates the apparent interest of these feathered ones in his journey. Today he is uneasy because he is going to meet with Jeremy, Sandy and John to plan their next group assignment. His business class group is spending increasing amounts of time together completing a complex project for their business course.

Everyone is under pressure at this point in the semester when there are so many course assignments demanding attention. Jeremy and Sandy are keen to push their own business ideas, while John finds lots of fault. Andy is aware of bad feelings and anger in the group, how each of them wants the distinction of their idea being the chosen one. He wonders at the competition that exists within their small group.

Andy dislikes how in university individuals or groups focus on out-doing the others. Andy is frustrated by what he sees happening, the lack of co-operation just doesn't seem sensible. He wonders that small groups can't work peacefully on a joint project. Everyone is out for themselves. Andy views this as evidence of strange beliefs and destructive values in the university community. He distrusts the competitive behaviours of these people and wishes that he was among his own kin who understand and adhere to the value of putting the interests of the group first.

Losing patience with his fellow students, not wanting to be in the room, Andy doesn't speak for a long time. He tries to remain distant from the academic culture around 194 him with its cut throat competition. But, as debate rages, Andy begins to reflect on the reactions he is experiencing and realizes he isn't helping the group, either. He is conflicted, reluctant to contribute and feeling out of place.

Leaving the others to their power struggles is tempting. Yet, Andy's upbringing means he can draw on his co-operative cultural roots. When the group wrangling gets them nowhere, and they can't establish a project they can agree upon, Andy breaks his silence, "I think, maybe we need some more ideas. I've got a class coming up, so I need to leave soon. Can we meet in the morning? I think we should do some brainstorming. You know brainstorming... everyone tossing out new ideas for business proposals. We can create a list, consider advantages or disadvantages and then choose the one we all like."

The three younger members of his group tired of wasting time nod. " Yeah, sure. I remember doing some brainstorming before.. .a class or two in junior high," Jeremy acknowledges.

"I've got time at nine or noon" Sandy speedily agrees.

"Noon's okay for me," John sighs.

"Let's meet back here at noon, then," Andy stands up preparing to attend his next class. Everyone is happier hoping brainstorming might make them more productive and ease their choice-making.

Next day, to his surprise, one of Andy's business proposals is chosen as the joint project. After brainstorming and discussion Jeremy, Sandy and John decide they like Andy's proposal for a supply store for owners and riders of horses. Together they imagine a venture that will meet the needs of anyone involved with horses, whether in rodeo, recreational riding, ranching, dressage or show jumping. The business would supply complete needs from feed and supplements, to saddles, blankets, horseshoes, lariats, tools, brushes and tack as well as boots and clothing for the humans. Sandy knows about show 195 jumping, and Jeremy and John have limited riding experience. They all know that in ranching, farming and acreage country, horses are hugely popular. Sandy comes up with the name "Horsing Around" for their imaginary business enterprise. Everyone laughs because in the hyper serious environment of school, the name is fun.

Once more Jeremy helps to organize and direct group energies as they begin the research for the business plan. Andy quietly asks whether he can take on the portion of the project concerning finances and accounting since it is an area of interest to him. They agree on the accounting, but decide they all must plan the funding and distribution of monies. Each person declares interest in elements of the project. Although the group manages to work more successfully together, it's a tricky process. Andy is sure that even crows could get along more easily.

When university students are together, they all want to talk and promote their own opinions. Andy is unaccustomed to this need for endless talking, debate, the absence of consensus. At home, people appreciate when a thing needs doing. After a minimum of talk, they just get on with it... when the time is right....if the time is right. Can't these white people just get things done without getting bogged down in discussion? Andy wishes he knew a story to share that could help people get along, get past all the talk and co-operate.

In addition, group work is difficult because people have so many different priorities, or distractions. Jeremy and John have part-time jobs, and all three young people devote hours to working out at the gym. They want to meet on weekends and just don't seem to understand or want to accommodate the family responsibilities Andy has to consider. He makes a point of asking for weekday, or evening meetings. He and his family already sacrifice so much, weekends are precious.

Anxiety is high and relationships remain tense within the group. Stress keeps tempers short especially when meetings are unproductive. Gradually, as the project due date approaches Jeremy, Sandy, John and Alec scramble to finish reports. Once more 196

Jeremy takes the work they produce to organize the written work, charts, and accounting schedules into a project whole to be handed to the professor.

Finally they prepare the public presentation of their project 'Horsing Around' for the class. During their meetings the others were surprised to learn more about Andy's background with rodeo, farming, and horses. This considerable life experience sets him apart from the others. They want Andy to show off his rodeo and cowboy skills during their class presentation.

Andy isn't wild about speaking at length in front of the class, but he still loves rodeo and is comfortable with anything to do with it. His hand and arm are sufficiently healed for a basic demonstration. While he can't bring a horse into class, Andy can wear western shirt, stetson and chaps, display the use of some of the groups proposed products and equipment. He agrees, he'll even throw a lariat over Jeremy, Sandy or John. So on the day of the presentation, Andy is ready to share his knowledge and skills with the audience. And, his impressive demonstration adds to the group's project making it unique and memorable.

Wisakidjak Outstrips the Wind (Part 1)

Wisakidjak and Coyote are thrilled by the skating track in the Olympic oval at the University. Donning skates the pair of tricksters spill, spin and slide, thinking they're mastering this speed skating pretty good. While they've been co-operating since the Sun encouraged them to work together, it doesn't take long for Wisakidjak and Coyote to turn the slippery fun on the track into trouble.

Coyote sees Wisakidjak climbing up from a fall and glides up behind him giving him a push, sending Wisakidjak sprawling on his stomach. Coyote scoots off while Wisakidjak struggles to his feet. At first, Wisakidjak careers crazily around the oval track after Coyote. Then, he adopts the doubled over posture of a speed skater, gathers momentum, his legs pumping and his arms swinging like pendulums. Wing-footed, Wisakidjak shoots past Coyote and laps him on the track. As Wisakidjak sails by Coyote a second time, he challenges him to a race. The contest is on. 197

The other speed skaters see only blurs as Wisakidjak and Coyote outstrip the wind, bursting around the track. Coyote overtakes Wisakidjak briefly. Soon Wisakidjak's forward leaning style propels him ahead. Despite Wisakidjak's transonic speed, Coyote thunders into him and heaves mightily on his backside. The forward thrust converts Wisakidjak into an accelerating pack of subatomic neutrinos travelling faster than the speed of light. Superluminal Wisakidjak is launched, invisible and with nearly undetectable weightlessness of being, out of the Olympic oval arriving at his destination mi lie-seconds before the journey began.

Coyote hollers with laughter in the wake of a disappeared Wisakidjak. He whips around the oval looking for more mischief, but the last of the skaters is leaving the ice, and Coyote has no one to tease. Coyote abandons his skates and goes wandering.

Meanwhile, Wisakidjak's trajectory brings him into the nearby engineering building, where he collides with and invades a complex of computers. Shape-shifting inside the computer network, Wisakidjak leaves a shower of his particles interwoven throughout the systems and data wires leading to the University's main server. Quantities of Wisakidjak neutrinos bombard the server interacting with University systems, generating effects from no identifiable cause.

Inside the University computer systems it is like a corral of wildcats has broken loose. Some computers freeze completely while others experience worms eradicating data and operations. Several units go berserk and begin printing thousands of pages of documents from random sources. Years of university records dissolve, students' transcripts academic reports and research are mangled. Student programmes, enrollment and majors are altered as well. In coming days and weeks, Engineering undergraduates are notified they are in Social Work, Law students find themselves in Veterinary Medicine although the programme hasn't been created yet, and Humanities major's are shocked to learn they are now Math and Physics graduates. Computer experts at the University are disavowing and bemused.

Elsewhere, outside the Olympic oval, a milling crowd of people stands awed by the sight of a teepee village materializing amidst the modern world concrete block and tower shapes of the University. At first sightings are like puffs of smoke, the images hover briefly and are gone.

Subsequently, over time, the village recurs becoming tangible for an hour, a day or a week. With repeated appearances the village solidifies and is discovered to be populated, babies whimper from their cradle boards, toddlers and young children chase one another among the teepees, while the women chat, pick berries, cook food, and clean and tan hides. Older men lounge against their backboards smoking long pipes, watching while young men wrestle and make new bows and arrows in preparation for the next hunt. Frequently, a flock of crows and magpies also peoples the village.

On at least four separate occasions, mysterious herds of buffalo stampede across campus chased by hunters on horseback. Grizzly bears are witnessed emerging from dens beneath snow covered trees, while large groups of elk claim parking lots and roadways. In 198 assorted classrooms, Native elders, address students telling stories. It is evident the people of the teepees are at home in this place. Security personnel with troubled expressions look on unable to deal with the teepee village and its occupants. On campus students and professors wonder whether they are dreaming, caught in a wheel of temporal shifts, time travelling or glimpsing other dimensions.

The University, its students and staff might be the strangers. The shared vision of First Peoples at home on the land is a topic nervously avoided in the administrative offices, lecture halls, and walkways at the University.

******************** 199

DeeDee

Woman's Song Do not feel uneasy about me, I shall be eating berries on the way home. (39)

******

There is snow on the road and DeeDee clutches the steering wheel tightly on the drive through deep snow drifts and icy patches. From the back seat of the car as the women journey home on a February afternoon, Rachel speaks above the road noise, "I did it. I went to see Dr. Hauser. I actually told him.. .told him off."

"How'd you get so brave?" Jennifer exclaims.

"That's amazin' Rachel. How come you finally did it?" Dee asks.

"I was away last week, eh, missed a class. One of the girls in the course spoke to me... said the professor made comments about me when I wasn't there... made fun of some of the things I mentioned in class, my different beliefs as a Native person. This girl...she said he was smirking in front of the class and laughing at my ideas. That guy is so disrespectful of women in general.. .and I guess 'cause I'm Native he thought he could be even more disrespectful. He doesn't think that anymore."

"Holy! What did you say to him?" Jennifer and the others are eager to hear.

"Thinkin' back on it, I don't know how I did it. I went to his office, and he was actin' like I was some dumb student...I told him...I let him have it...I said he was bein' disrespectful. I told him I heard about what he tried in class makin' fun of me. I said he was rude.. .that he treated women badly.. .with disrespect. I said I didn't think much of the way he was behaving...whether 'cause I was a woman or whether 'cause I'm Native. Then I told him, he should behave better if he wanted to be respected as a university professor. He 200 should treat people better.. .women as well as men.. .with more respect. There was a secretary outside the door an' I could see her, and she's lookin' at me and cheerin' silently...cheerin' silently, eh. I couldn't believe I was sayin' those things. But her, she showed me other people don't like his disrespect either. Finally, I said I felt he needed to know he's disrespectful... that was all I had to say...and I left."

DeeDee laughs, "Holy! Eaaah! Holy! Rachel you are a warrior! I couldn't imagine doin' that.. .tellin' a teacher to behave better. What a case that guy must be! You are so brave!"

"You're awesome, Rachel," Jennifer praises her, and the others agree, "Awesome girl! Holy!"

"Will you keep the course or drop it?" Gloria inquires her eyes big with concern for Rachel. Professors have the power. What will this one do to Rachel?

Rachel nods, understanding the question. "When I left his office and calmed down from bein' angry that's what I thought.. .I'd just go drop the course. But, I'm gonna think about it overnight. If I don't finish the course that means I could lose my funding.. .and I still have to take another one to replace it!"

"What if he fails you, Rachel?" Gloria worries.

"Well, I've got a paper to hand in next month. I can see how he grades it. If he fails my paper I can drop the course then.. .or maybe.. .appeal to the Department or Faculty. They told me at The Native Centre that the department can get another professor to grade it, if he tries to fail me. Right now, I don't want to be scared off by him," Rachel replies.

"Professors are all so different, eh?" DeeDee says. "I don't think I've ever had one as bad as your professor, Rachel. So far most of mine have been decent teachers. ..fair to 201 their students. This semester my profs are pretty good especially the prof in our course on western civilization, eh Jennifer, Ernestine?"

"Yeah, especially western civilization, general studies. But even if he wasn't a good one, I don't know if I could tell a professor to smarten up," Jennifer continues to admire Rachel's show of courage.

"Western civilization...the professor is great...that course is great!" Ernestine agrees emphatically.

"Yeah, don't you find like it's startin' to clear things up...startin' to make the white people's values, beliefs clearer, eh? Helps to show where their ideas come from, how they got goin,"' DeeDee assesses how much she is learning from her studies in the course.

"That professor is so neat. He wears costumes and hats.. .and he always wants to hear your ideas and get your opinion. He wants people to question the way things are, to think for themselves not just to copy what the book says...or what other people are saying. He really shows where democracy got goin'...that money, material belongings and ownership aren't the only values...where religions in Europe developed, how these things inter-relate,"' Ernestine enthuses about their professor and what he's teaching.

"Right," DeeDee adds, "for instance where European attitudes about women come from...from a male god, monotheism, and a religion that sees women as second class, having no power or say. Only the men." She encourages the others, "You should take this course next year. I feel like I understand better...why western civilization...the mainstream society thinks and operates like it does."

Jennifer agrees, "Me too. Though maybe...I still wonder why when white people and other groups...when they come to North America....why do they stay the same...act European still, or Asian...bring it all with them?" 202

"I don't know, Jen. But I think, if I went to Navaho country or maybe Mayan.. .I'm still gonna be Blackfoot. I'd still wanna be doin' familiar things. 'Course not bein' European or a colonizer, I might not have the power to try makin' everyone do the same as me," DeeDee considers differences of power in the world.

"I think we live our culture some wherever we are...it's in us," Ernestine suggests thoughtfully. "I couldn't stop bein' Blackfoot either DeeDee." The others shake their heads.

"I think, the more I study at university, the better I feel about bein' Blackfoot...more positive," Rachel indicates. "When I think about the ideas and the values here, I can appreciate my elders and what they teach us. When I tell others about our values...I'm glad to talk about them...and like today...1 feel stronger for representing good values.. .even if it means telling a teacher to behave better. "

"We're proud of you Rachel, eaah, and we all RESPECT you!" Dee tells her, and once again heads bob agreement.

Their day has been full, with travel, classes, study and wonder at Rachel's courage. The three in the back seat are gradually lulled to sleep by the motion of the car, while Jennifer and DeeDee chat about an assignment coming due in the next week. The miles pass on the snowy journey home.

******************** 203

Charlene

Sky Song It will resound finely, The sky, When I come making a noise. (40)

*******

It is one of the troublesome but rewarding elements of a university studies that students must take courses outside their major area of concentration. These requirements for students in any undergraduate degree programme might include selecting from a range of classes in earth sciences, fine arts, social sciences or humanities (liberal arts). Charlene regards choosing such classes as a chore. The trick is getting a course that is interesting, manageable and that also suits her schedule.

During the autumn of her second year on campus, Charlene selects a course on the developing, or third world. It is a fascinating study exploring foreign nations, geography, populations, cultures and the influence on them of the first or developed world where industry and commerce have sparked affluent societies with far reaching power. Many of these countries it turns out are former colonies of European nations, and often poor. Charlene tells Denny on their weekends together about all these other places in the world. She describes to him how much the third world countries are like their home reserve...where there is little industry, large unemployment and general poverty.

In class students are engaged by a variety of guest speakers from different origins, and films and DVD's about development programmes or work being done in a foreign countries. It is during a film about a women's programme in Africa that Charlene becomes provoked into speaking. As the narrator of the film happily describes the benefits of a home health class including birth control pills and education, the camera scans the female third world participants. Most of the women appearing on the screen are nursing mothers carrying their babies. Charlene is a young mother, who was nursing a new baby a short 204 time ago herself. She watches the screen appalled at what she is seeing. She is sure no doctor in Canada would recommend that a nursing mother take birth control pills.

As soon as the film ends, Charlene jumps to her feet. She forgets all about the hundred and fifty people seated in the room. Incensed by what she has just witnessed, she calls out, "Dr. Abbott, I have a question...a comment."

"Sure. There are some interesting points I'd like us to discuss regarding the film and effective development programmes... in groups perhaps...but sure...if you have a question or comment you'd like to share, go ahead," Dr. Abbott gestures for Charlene to continue.

Charlene blurts, "Dr. Abbott, the film...it shows women...nursing mothers, being given birth control pills to take while they are feeding babies. It's not safe for a nursing mother to take birth control pills. Why would they be giving them those pills? They are teaching them to do something unsafe! Whoever is running the health education is endangering those women and their babies. Don't they care? How can they make a film braggin' about that programme.. .what they're doing to African women and babies?"

Dr. Abbott stands at the speaker's podium completely shocked. "Well, I don't know. The film is supposed to document health and family planning education. Is it an unsafe practice? I confess that as a man, I know very little about birth control pills. Does anyone else know anything about this?"

"She's right!" A plump motherly adult student speaks up from a few rows behind Charlene. "My kids are all in school now, but when they were little and nursing, I was never on the pill. For one thing, it can mess up your nursing. And, for another, you don't know what it might do to the baby. It seems pretty strange that doctors in Africa would be handing out birth control pills to mother's with babies.. .if it is the doctors. Maybe the people doing this training...maybe they're just trying to stop these African women having babies. Maybe they don't care whether what they are doing is safe or not!" 205

"That can't be. Doctors wouldn't do that. No one would do that!" An outraged young co-ed protests.

"Drug companies might!" A young male suggests.

"It seems like they are forcing birth control on the unknowing. They might hurt or damage their children," another student adds to the conversation.

"Is it an experiment? How can this sort of programme be allowed? Is it only because the people are poor.. .black.. .in a third world place?" Charlene's questions and concerns about the film draw the whole class into a discussion which flourishes for the rest of the hour. Dr. Abbott and his students have had to reconsider whether instead of helping, some agency is risking the health of the people in African communities... potentially acting in a racist way, taking advantage of, or being deliberately destructive of third world populations.

Alone that evening after the children are in bed, Charlene wishes she could share her experience in the class with Denny. She knows that he would understand her insights and suspicions. It is a surprise to her how many students in her class appreciated her deep concern about the programme and film. When she reflects on what happened, Charlene wonders where she found the courage to ask her questions. It is the first time she ever asked a question publicly in a course. She rejoices that her fellow students reacted with respect. No one thought she was ridiculous! No one refused to listen to her because she was a Native person. Charlene is over the moon. She has a voice!

******************* 206

Wisakidjak Outstrips the Wind (Part 2) Wisakidjak's particles are still on the loose, networking and developing their potential for mischief. Eventually, Wisakidjak reckons his unruly particles can catch up to him along the way. Wisakidjak pops out of a computer in a Physics department lab. He bypasses a group of scientists arguing over recent research that calls Einstein's theory of special relativity into question. Several maintain that the experiments the research reports are based on must be flawed.

As Wisakidjak shape-shifting and invisible exits the room, one youthful prodigy enthuses, "Ever since Pauli.. .there's been doubt...and now there's Geneva, the work of Savard and others.. .the Neutrino Observatory in Sudbury. It's like what we know...the laws of nature that all our science decrees...they're changing. We could be back to square one.. .we don't have the right rules about the universe. We believed one thing.. .and now it's doubtful... maybe, way wrong. The Geneva reports say neutrinos exist, subliminal neutrinos, reversing everything we thought we had a handle on in the universe."

A stately professor adamantly shakes his head, oblivious to Wisakidjak. Neutrinos...missing particles, not possible. They were a wild idea when Pauli was doing his guess work and they are now. Neutrinos are nothing but fiction. Nothing is faster than the speed of light. This principle is the basis of our scientific knowledge of the cosmos. The science of some of these particle physicists is highly questionable...truly improbable. They are talking wormholes and time travel...totally absurd. It's fiction...not science!"

Going exploring, Wisakidjak discovers a large lecture hall with several hundred students restlessly listening to a speaker. Wisakidjak slips into a chair at the back of the room. The person talking on the platform is listing a detailed description of minute parts of the human skull. Wisakidjak is bored by the long talk about cortex's, lobes and medullas. The speaker displays pictures of tissues and elements almost like they were disconnected and not parts of a whole human. Wisakidjak thinks this group could do with a good story to keep everyone awake. He moves on looking for the old ones, and hoping for a story.

Stumbling into the moot court classroom, Wisakidjak is intrigued by the contest he sees happening there. He is entertained watching the person behind the high desk making judgments and everyone arguing about the 'law,' the need for 'laws' and obeying the 'law.' Wisakidjak learns how the people in this place want 'laws' to govern everyone's behaviour. They want the 'laws' respected and they want 'laws' to punish people for their disobedient actions.

Wisakidjak is amazed that the people can't move without the law. Yet, the law causes them to disagree and makes them adversaries. And worse, when someone ignores or breaks a law they do not take any responsibility, but claim they are not guilty. He wonders that people in this society don't know how to behave. Back when Wisakidjak was setting up affairs on Turtle Island, arranging the animals and the First People, he hadn't thought of laws. He's always let the human beings live their own way. If someone hurt the community, a circle of the people generally sorted out how a wrong doer should be dealt with, or restitution made. Now the idea of making laws excites Wisakidjak. 207

Rushing out of the law building, he finds a spacious bit of green lawn and paces back and forth in the sunshine, rapidly planning the first laws he wants to make. Law number one is easy. Wisakidjak will get all the food in the world and never have to search for something to eat again.

Law number two is obvious, too. All the old ones' stories from now on will have to be about Wisakidjak. Law number three, should almost be number one. Under law three, Wisakidjak is never guilty of anything. Wisakidjak decides law four will require constant daylight and sunshine all the time, so that he'll never get lost in the dark again. Ideas are coming fast and furiously when the top of Wisakidjak's head starts to sizzle.

Father Sun is poised overhead. He says, "Wisakidjak, I hear your wild thoughts. Don't you go trying to deprive me of my rest...dreaming up rules and laws to suit only you. Do you think the world exists to please just a single being? I don't plan to make the sun shine all the time. I need to rest at night. Everybody needs rest. It's time for you to take a rest from law making, unless you want me to make things lots warmer for you!"

Dodging the rising heat of the sun, Wisakidjak darts into the shade of another University building. He postpones for the foreseeable future the creation of new, unenforceable or insufficiently evaluated laws. Down a dim hallway Wisakidjak sees an open door and slides into yet another classroom. Luckily, in this room they are sharing stories and talking about stories they describe as 'literature.' Wisakidjak is pretty sure he'll feel at home here. 208

DeeDee

Love song When I am In the forest I hear my sweetheart Sighing Through the pines. (41)

******

DeeDee drives Tyson, Michael and baby Carrie to Lorena's for the day. Her mother is keeping all the children, because Tyson and Michael both have chicken pox and can't go to school or daycare. Dee feels guilty about leaving her little ones when they are sick, but she has two midterm tests this afternoon. Trying to make alternate arrangements to write exams doesn't seem possible since it might mean an extra, expensive trip into campus from the reserve. As well, professors aren't really happy to allow make-up tests. So, Dee hopes that once her tests are over, she and her friends can leave for home early. She thinks she can get notes for her late class from another student.

Once she's given the kids some medicine and wrapped them up in blankets on her mother's sofa, Dee gives all three final hugs and kisses before she heads out the door. She arrives at the grocery store parking lot where she will meet the others for the commute. Gloria is there waiting, but Rachel, Jennifer and Ernestine haven't shown up yet. Gloria sympathizes with Dee and her family going through chicken pox, but envies her having Lorena to provide support.

While they wait for the others, Dee teases Gloria, "Eh? Who's that good lookin' guy I saw you talkin' to at the Centre? Is that Will? I remember him, I think from the orientation. Where's he from again...?" 209

Gloria blushes, "Eeaah! Uh, huh, Will.. .he's from Fort Chip...up north. I think he's kinda cute.. .thought so way back at orientation, eh. We're goin' to a round dance on Friday."

"Gloria's chasin' the boys from the North! Don't blame you...young...tall, dark and handsome, eh?"

"Eeaah," Gloria chuckles, "Pretty smart too...takin' engineering. He's got his son. We both have our kids by ourselves."

"Sounds like Will might be a good one. Has he got a friend or a brother? With three kids and school...I never have the time or the energy to go man huntin'! Besides, it took me a long time to get rid of Josh and learn to be on my own. Not sure I want to spoil how things are goin'."

"DeeDee, I hear talk on the reserve. There's gotta be five guys out there tryin' to catch you...take you home."

"Move into my home, more like...so I can put a roof over their heads and food in front of them. No thanks. It'll be grand to find a smart man someday, who can take care of himself and wants to be with me. I've ben waitin' awhile...I can wait awhile longer," Dee assures herself and Gloria just as Rachel, Jennifer and Ernestine all pile into the car.

"Hey girls, Gloria's got a date night," DeeDee announces. Gloria immediately becomes the target for teasing, envy and jokes during much of the commute to campus.

DeeDee reminds her friends that she is hoping to leave the university early in the afternoon. Everyone confirms it's not a problem leaving early, friends will share notes or they have access on the internet. Ernestine wants to spend a little time in the library, but promises to meet everyone at the Centre in good time for the ride home. 210

"Ernie, are you workin' on another paper?" Rachel inquires.

Ernestine shakes her head, "No, not yet. DeeDee and I are doin' a presentation. Remember Dr. Getty from our course at the College? We ran into him on campus one day...he's teachin' at the university. He requested we come do a presentation in his senior course, eh? About the reserve, laws against culture and the medicine wheels...eh? He recalled the paper we did for his course.. .anyway, he wants us to come and talk to his class. I'd like to look up a couple of maps, at the library."

"That's great Ern, I'd almost forgotten the presentation...not for another two weeks right?" Dee does a memory check.

"Yeah, no panic, yet," Ernestine tells Dee.

"Wow, that's really awesome to have our old professor ask you to present for his class," Jennifer responds to their news. "Are you scared?"

"Hadn't thought about it, so far. How about you Ern?" Dee replies.

"No, not really.. .but we presented for our class at the College. I think it'll be alright.. .a few nerves, but once we review the paper and if we mostly repeat our presentation, it should be alright," Ernestine appears unfazed.

"I think it's cool...here you are both gonna be speakin' to a university class.. .about our reserve... that's really good! You can say what it's really like! How things are for First Nations. Those students, probably never heard from a Native person before!" Rachel encourages Ernestine and DeeDee.

"Maybe we'll come and listen, too," Gloria suggests. 211

"You tryin' to make us nervous? Eaah." DeeDee laughs. Talk of presentations, tests, and Gloria's date night occupies the rest of the trip to campus. When DeeDee's tests are done, they all climb back in the car and retrace the miles, across the city, along the highway and home to the reserve.

******************** 212

Andy

Love Song It rises The sun I think of My love (42)

******

In his third year Andy moves through his courses at university finding more success. His study skills and writing are sharper and come easier. He purchases his own laptop computer for notes and essay preparation. School routine is familiar. However, Andy still misses his family enormously. On the good days Cindy isn't nearby to laugh with him or share in what he's learning. When the days are long and stressful, no loved ones are close to cheer him on.

Andy calls home often, just to hear the sound of Cindy's voice and to talk to the children, so he'll know what they've been doing. Other times he calls his father. But frequently, it is Cindy's father, his father-in-law he calls. He tells Andy what he needs to hear, that he is doing the right thing, a brave thing, that the results of going to school will be worth all the sacrifice. Andy cherishes the encouragement, but his telephone bill is so high every month that debt is looming.

There are days when Andy doubts that all this reading and writing no matter how accustomed to it he becomes, can possibly make up for being without his family, the loneliness or missing being in his community. Starting to read and research for yet another essay, or preparing with a group for the next class presentation is the pattern of his existence, the grind of university learning. The same frustrations keep repeating themselves, although he has never let himself repeat the mistakes he made during his first semester on campus when he failed math. 213

Andy knows better now how to evaluate a course and an instructor in the first week of school, when to find a tutor or switch to another subject or a different lecturer in a course. Andy occasionally works with study groups for course tests, but is learning to be cautious with any class group. Where he can, he identifies the older adults in a class and works with them. He still the only Native student in core courses for his major, but he is comfortable now speaking with some of the Non-Native students who are in his programme.

Most days, Andy manages the relentless pressures of school. Increasingly he studies between classes at The Native Centre. He also visits with other Native students when he needs to relax, or share occasional discouragements or fatigue with others experiencing the same conflicts and confusion he encounters. Andy with Micmac, Iroquois or Blackfoot friends, questions the ways in which the university culture requires them to learn. They help each other try to make sense of a scientific and linear perception of the world. As well, they read each other's papers, everyone striving to improve their essay format and written English.

Despite this growing network of support, during a busy week when he has two midterms and a group report to finish Andy is almost defeated by events. Leaving his rented room in the gray dawn of morning he sees an owl is scouting from a tall bare tree. A shiver of unease passes up Andy's spine. He quickly looks away from the bird he knows many Cree people regard as a bad omen.

Later the same day, in one of the Social Science classes required for his degree, he is rapidly taking notes from a lecturer who speaks like rushing water. Concentrating on catching the professor's words to type them down, he records words without really listening. But then, he sees the teacher's words typed on the screen in front of him,

"Indians don't vote." 214

Andy is stunned and stops to listen. This is a lecture on voting trends in Canada, and the instructor seems to be spreading one more myth about Native people. The professor repeats his assertion, noting that,

"Indian people don't vote so they don't affect elections."

It is so seldom that Native people get a mention in his classes, Andy is anxious to hear more. But, the professor doesn't add to his comments. Andy stares at his computer screen while the professor's words ring in his ears. Frustrated and confused he wants to leave the lecture. An expert on Canadian politics has implanted effectively a stereo-type offering no clear explanation, or added information. In a class of more than a hundred students Andy squirms, unwilling to speak, and uncomfortable, suspecting the students are staring at him, the Native in the room.

Questioning this kind of story about Native people is new to Andy. Growing up, being Indian, you can generate a thick skin. Nonetheless, here at the university, he doesn't want either himself or his classmates to be bound by one more stereo-type about First Nations. Andy knows Native people vote, both on reserve and in other elections. He votes himself, as do many members of his family and community. It is not as though Native people don't know how, or don't have places or the right to vote. Of course, there was a long period when Natives were not citizens and not permitted by law to vote in municipal, Federal or Provincial matters. The professor makes no mention of this, but he isn't talking about hi story...he's talking about the present.

Andy leaves class that day full of anger. He makes for the Native Centre and reveals to his friends what occurred in his class. His friends share his dismay. While at the Centre, Andy calls home to Cindy. When he calls, he finds something has happened and his wife is weeping. His courses are abruptly forgotten when he learns that Cindy's father has died suddenly that afternoon. It is a double blow. Andy is crushed to lose this kind, encouraging man who mentored and supported him so strongly. Being far away when the family needs 215 him anguishes Andy. He can't imagine how his family will go on in the face of the death of his esteemed father-in-law.

Leaving campus, Andy seeks refuge in his room in the city. He has studying to do for a test the next day. He sits looking at his books. He feels swamped by all that he has to do, by the endeavour to be objective, linear, singular and logical tonight, tomorrow, the day after... repeatedly in this place. He decides. It is too much. He can't keep doing this. He is leaving university. He is going home.

********************

Legs of a Wolf Song I am going to run Between The legs of a wolf. (43)

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In his truck steering north, Andy mourns for his father-in-law. The weight of loneliness he feels lightens a portion as he speeds towards home, but the burden from the loss of his father-in-law, still presses. Andy wants to be with his family. It is his main priority always, and now it is urgent.

A few miles outside the city Andy abruptly pulls over when a blizzard of second thoughts strikes him. What is he doing? He cannot drop out. He doesn't want to be a drop­ out. He doesn't want to waste this opportunity. How can he give up when his wife and his kids have supported him and sacrificed so that he can go to school? How can he let them down? How could he let his father-in-law down? It would not be fair to anyone, and it would not honour Cindy's father. It would not honour his memory.

Andy sorts through his choices as trucks and cars roar past shaking his vehicle. He's startled in the growing dusk when an enormous crow lands and skitters across the hood of 216 the truck. Hastily, the crow's wings drum the wind, halting its slide. Then with a series of shrieks the bird lifts off. It disappears back the way Andy has come. Thoughtfully, Andy calls home to talk with Cindy once more. As the moon and cold bright stars appear through the clouds overhead, he drives to the next overpass and turns the truck back in the direction of the city. He has a late night of studying ahead of him.

In the morning, Andy forces himself to meet the day. He smudges and prays before going to his first class to write his midterm. In the afternoon he rehearses with his current presentation group. Andy is glad that this particular lot of students is a fairly easy one to work with. However, Andy is distracted though and still troubled by the lecture on voting patterns given the day before.

Leaving the group meeting, he locates his professor in his office. Andy addresses the professor calmly, although his feelings are raw from all that has been happening. He tells him, "Professor Dvanavich, I'm wondering what you were meaning when you said in class that 'Indians don't vote.'?"

His professor is surprised by the question. It seems unnecessary that one of his students would doubt his authority on his subject. However he recognizes that this particular student is an Aboriginal person. Grudgingly, he responds, saying, "It's simple, Native people don't vote as a block in Federal elections. As a result, they have no influence on election outcomes."

Andy indicates, "I can understand this, but that is not what was stated in class. In class, you said, 'Indians don't vote.' That doesn't mean the same thing. Saying 'Indians don't vote' gives a wrong impression. I know Native people who vote. It took us a long time to get the right to vote."

The professor's back is up; he's annoyed, caught short for words. He doesn't like being challenged in this way. Even so, Andy asks, "Can you give more information to the class about what you mean? More about Aboriginal voting...otherwise, it sounds like 217

Natives never vote. The students are left....You probably don't mean to make a stereotype."

Professor Dvanavich's jaw tightens. He says dismissively, "I don't see that it's necessary. No stereotyping is intended, but I can broaden the explanation...add a few words."

"That would give the class a fuller....knowledge, I think. Thanks, Dr. Dvanavich." Although his stomach is doing somersaults, Andy leaves his professor's office, feeling exhausted as though he's run a race, and experiencing relief that the race is behind him.

The following day, as class gets underway the professor briefly reviews his last lecture presentation. He refers to his mention of Aboriginal voting trends, adding, "The main idea to be aware of is that Native people don't vote as a block. As a result, they have little effect on the outcomes of elections at the Federal level especially.. .they don't combine votes to elect certain parties or MP's."

Then Professor Dvanavich hastily moves on to another topic. There is no history offered, no pointing out that this is revised information or significant additional detail. The professor fails to make it clear that Indians are separated geographically and culturally, that Native people can and do participate in election voting in multiple spheres. For Andy, the 'correction' is woefully inadequate. The limited information the professor mentions and the way it's offered allows many students to entirely overlook it. As a win against stereotyping, Andy knows this is only a very small victory. Nonetheless, it is meaningful.

With a margin of confidence the next day, Andy completes the work due in his courses including his second midterm and the group presentation. As soon as his last school responsibility is done, he climbs into his truck escaping towards home to join his family and be at the wake for his father-in-law.

******************** 218

DeeDee

Look Down And Make It Calm Look down, you, Whose day it is, And make it calm. (44)

******

DeeDee's arms and legs feel petrified. Any minute she is supposed to board the plane - for the first time in her life. It is the chance of a lifetime. But, this means leaving home, her family. The plane will be taking her so far away it is hard to imagine the place she will land, how to speak to the people or whether there might be anything familiar or if it will be safe. Flying long hours over the waters of the Atlantic Ocean, which even on an atlas map is immense, she is trying not to think about. Coming from the prairie she's never learned how to swim! As the time to board the plane approaches, Dee's excitement is almost over-ridden by worry and waves of fear. How can she be departing from her mother, her children and taking her sister with her? Dee pinches herself in case it is a nightmare! Still, there burbles the thought...this is a great adventure! And, it is happening to her.

Recollecting the events leading up to this moment, DeeDee wonders why she ever entered the contest.. .bought a raffle ticket from the Student Association at the University? Buying a raffle ticket was a whim because she had a twoonie in her pocket and the Student Association's foodbank assisting fellow students, was looking for support. The prizes included a couple of trips, a large 42 inch screen TV, a cell phone with a call plan, tuition, even gift certificates to major retail stores. Dee thought it would be great to win the phone or TV, and her luck at draws and BINGO was usually pretty good. So, DeeDee spent her $2 on three tickets, tucked them in her knapsack and with the pressures of essays, midterm exams and approaching finals never gave the raffle another thought.

When winter semester ended though, DeeDee went with Jennifer, Gloria Ernestine and Rachel to the annual wild outdoor April Spree hosted by the Student Association. It was a social event advertized as not to be missed, so for once they decided to check it out. 219

It turned out they each had raffle tickets and wanted to be at the Spree for the draw and prizes. The Spree party atmosphere was intense. The band on stage was rocking loudly damaging hearing. Mobs of students, their post-term energy verging on explosive were louder than the band. Laughing, dancing, shouting, drunken and rambling, the crowd made standing or moving a challenge.

Dee and her friends managed to buy drinks and take them to the edge of the lawn bordering the dance floor where they watched the mass of reeling young people. They'd all been to parties, seen drunk people before, but this was a sight. The carousing was so unlike every regular day on campus...at odds with the slogging away each week in lecture halls, labs and the library. Calm and order, the serious business of study and research ruled most days here at the university, this place where mainstream society proclaimed its superiority...its hold on thinking, knowledge and certainties. Yet, at the campus Spree, Dee was completely surrounded by a howling throng of primitive partiers exemplifying only superior noise and intoxication. Surrounded by inebriated students, DeeDee wondered not for the first time, whether she was too old, too adult to fit in at university.

When the band took a break and a Vice -President of the Student Association came to the microphone to make announcements. She urged everyone to have their raffle tickets ready, and proceeded to call up volunteers closest to the stage to make the draws. Students hollered for quiet so ticket numbers could be heard, although the hubbub rebounded as prizes were given out. In the midst of the chaos, DeeDee was excited when one of her ticket numbers was called. Dee pushed her way to the stage to collect her prize. Ohmygod! Holy! She had won - not the TV or the phone or even a gift certificate, but a trip to Ireland! A twelve day trip for two, to Ireland!

Holy! It was amazing to win a valuable prize, bigger than her Bingo wins! Holy! At home later that night DeeDee looked for Ireland on a world map. She saw it was very far away, overseas! Initially, DeeDee considered not accepting the prize or giving it away. Rachel and Jennifer were keen "to help her out." Almost convinced she wouldn't take the 220 trip, Dee talked to her mother. It turned out, Dee might be curious enough to see Ireland after all.

********************

Coyote Volunteers In his wanderings on campus, Coyote heard about the April Spree and the big raffle. He drooled over the big TV, coveted the cell phone, longed for a gift card, determined to win a trip. Coyote watched students selling tickets and he got an idea how to be at the right place at the right time. He volunteered for all the Student Association committees, magically becoming a variety of students. He assisted at or was seen at student events. He sold tickets for the raffle.. .just a few, mind you. Most of those tickets never made it into the draw when Coyote limited the competition for prizes. On lots of tickets Coyote put his own name. Then, the night before the draw, Coyote helped place the tickets in the raffle prize box and cleverly managed to fold his tickets in just such a way that he was sure to pick his tickets from the draw box.

Draw day, Coyote plunged into the April Spree disguised as an alluring tall girl in a bikini top and short shorts. She slipped through the crowd drinking a pitcher of beer, singing and dancing. But Coyote never roamed far from the stage where the raffle draw would be held. Tall Coyote girl was the first tipsy volunteer to rush up to the stage where she made the draw for the TV. To her dismay, Coyote didn't win the TV!

Coyote staggered away, disappeared under the stage and changed her disguise. While she was gone, the cell phone prize was given away. Coyote didn't win it! Appearing back on stage chubby and balding, Coyote picked the ticket for the next prize, a trip to Mexico. He didn't win that prize either. Once more, Coyote scrambled under the stage, emerging transformed, in the turbaned guise of a foreign student. She stumbled up the steps ahead of another volunteer, and swaying drunkenly, reached in to make the fourth draw. If Coyote couldn't have the TV, or a trip to Mexico, she wanted this next trip! Wandering other parts of the world would be great fun.

Coyote's hand dug into the draw box, picking up and dropping several tickets. There were still too many! She ran her fingers along the edges of tickets feeling for her special fold. Was it this one, or the next or the one beside it. Woozily, Coyote lifted a folded ticket she was sure was hers. She read the name, Deidre Gallagher. Coyote wailed. She hadn't won a travel prize. Frustrated and dizzy Coyote crawled off the stage and under it to change once more. It was a cool and dark space. Coyote's head rested on the ground. She needed a short nap. Coyote never heard when her name was called. She missed her prize of a gift certificate to lamp store.

Later Coyote awoke. She remembered selling Deirdre Gallagher her ticket. It was a mystery how this human's ticket got into the draw box. Coyote had an idea and he tracked Deidre Gallagher home. When Coyote heard DeeDee say she might not take the trip to Ireland place he whispered in her dreams. "Take the trip, take the trip!" 221

Soon, Deidre decided to take the trip and asked her sister along. When it came time to pack for the trip, Coyote turned herself into Deidre's new suitcase. He liked being handsome red cloth with black handle, zippers and wheels on which he scooted around the house. Coyote luggage was expandable too, with enough room for two weeks of clothes. She beautifully matched Deirdre's carry-on shoulder bag. Coyote's plan was working; Dee would take him on the trip.

Unlike Deirdre and her sister, Coyote, she has no qualms about flying. He was confident that flying would be easy for a Coyote.

When she heard about the trip, DeeDee's surprised mother Lorena, first laughed. Then pursing her lips, she said, "Well, my girl, life is funny. Perhaps, this is meant to be."

"But Ireland? Goin' on a plane, why not Mexico or maybe Hawaii?"

"We don't have any relatives in those places," Lorena chuckled.

"We don't have relatives in Ireland either, do we?" DeeDee questioned. "Oh, you mean the priest. I've heard that story, I think. But, he wasn't really family to us?"

DeeDee's mother raised and lowered her shoulders, "Your grandmother's grandmother who you're named after, kept house for the priest. Father Gallagher. My own grandmother used to say he came from Ireland..."

With her fingers tracing a circle on the table in front of her, Lorena continued, "She used to tell us stories. Your grandmother's grandmother Small Yellow Bird, was alone with a couple of children. Her husband had died. When the priest came to live with the people, she kept house for the priest. When the reserve was made the white people recorded who would live there.. .kept a list of all the people who were part of the treaty. That is how we got to be registered - the government's official Indians. On this reserve, the priest wrote down people's names. He made the record of the Indians here. Many times if he couldn't put the whole name in English, he put down what he knew. He gave each person a first 222 name and a last name like we have now.. .before we didn't have that...Blackfoot people. Lots of Blackfoot names in English don't mean the same as they did before the priest started writing them. Nowadays...less people get an individual Blackfoot name...a traditional Indian name... like in the time before. Our names are mostly like Europe-names, white people, these days."

Lorena paused in her story. Tilting her head to look at DeeDee she said, "That priest Gallagher, put down your grandmother's grandmother's name on the list as Gallagher. Maybe she wanted that, I don't know. Some say it can be an honour, right, to have or be given someone's name... especially if the person has a 'big' name, has done something. The priest was powerful.. .he knew a lot and he gave the people his religion, new beliefs. He talked to the chief about makin' the treaty. He talked to the government people on the treaty for the tribe. Small Yellow Bird maybe took his name.. .or maybe the priest thought of her and her kids as family. Your grandmother's grandmother...he put down on the list as Deirdre Gallagher. For generations Gallagher is a name in our family. Your grandmother wanted your name to be Deirdre when you were born - although we call you DeeDee.

The first of Deirdre's children, the two she had from her first husband and the others that came while she stayed with the priest were all listed as Gallagher. Of course priests aren't supposed to have babies, and I don't know for sure who the father of those ones coulda bin. The priest didn't send her away with those babies. Maybe he was the father.. .maybe another man. Priests always want someone to cook and clean. Still, the priest taught Small Yellow Bird's children to read and write. My grandmother used to say Deirdre Small Yellow Bird Gallagher.. .she took care of him, and when he died, tended his grave all her days. Your grandmother never said the priest was or wasn't her grandfather. Now she's gone, not sure there is anyone to tell us...maybe we have some white family in Ireland to go along with the name Gallagher."

"You mean we're Irish Blackfoot? Not straight Blackfoot?" DeeDee exclaims. 223

"We are Blackfoot, just like everyone else on the reserve. Other people have some white ancestors or relatives., .some English maybe some French. It doesn't change things or us. We've always bin Blackfoot livin' here, in our way with our own people. Only this name Gallagher is maybe a bit different from most of our cousins, but it is a good name on the reserve, a respected name. You don't see those white people tryin' to claim us as family, daughter. If we have Irish blood, it changes nothin'."

Dee was silent, thinking for awhile. Anything she knew about Ireland was hazy. ..leprechauns and St. Patrick's Day celebrations, the teachers in elementary school giving out paper four leaf clovers to colour green. It's strange to consider that unknown Irish people could be related to her, to her kids. She wrestled with the idea for another day or two, before acknowledging that she was open to taking the trip. DeeDee challenged Lorena to travel with her, but her mother shook her head, "No, I'll stay home with your kids. Why don't you take your sister, Patricia? I can keep my grandchildren while my daughters see the world. Bring pictures."

So, it was decided. Exams were over. The kids were with Lorena. DeeDee and Patricia now must take the next step and board the plane. Despite their fears, the sisters brave the walk up the ramp to the plane. Huddling close to one another they hunt for their seats and sit gazing longingly out the airplane narrow window at the firm pavement below. Soon, a flight attendant hurries up the aisle, she cautions the sisters to fasten their seat belts. DeeDee and Patricia hold hands for the take-off, praying silently, hearts beating like drums. They cling to their view of mother earth, but in a rush the ground disappears. The sky fills the window.

A while later when Dee and Patricia's breathing and heart rates are back to near normal, a meal arrives. Nerves make it hard to eat even the airline's tiny offering. DeeDee and Patricia wonder at those around them apparently untroubled by being high in the air, who close their eyes and nod off. But, despite their excitement, the sisters are exhausted and go to sleep, too. It is not the best rest in the world - they are sitting in an airplane after 224 all, roaring across the top of the world. Still, they sleep through most of the tedious hours of an overseas flight and the strange things that occur.

********************

Coyote Takes a Tumble

Coyote doesn't like her luggage disguise anymore. First she's thrown in the trunk of a car. Then at the airport she's tossed on a conveyor belt, dropped down a chute, crushed under other cases, carted out to the airplane, pitched into the cold luggage compartment, squashed in the dark, abandoned. Coyote refuses to be treated like luggage the whole trip. She struggles out from under several other bags which weigh as much as a mountain.

Once free, Coyote wants to leave the dank luggage hold. She roams about looking for a way to get to the compartment for humans, discovers a metal ladder. Climbing up a few rungs, Coyote spots light shining through a tiny window, part of a trap door. Lifting the latch to open the door and slipping through, Coyote finds herself in a narrow kitchen space at the rear of the plane.

Always hungry, Coyote opens more doors and ransacks the shelves, snatching up bags of pretzels and crisps, tearing into them. Just then a smiling flight attendant returns to the kitchen to refill a coffee pot. Surprised by the mess the attendant glares at Coyote, "Miss, what are you doing? Will you please take your seat. You mustn't be in the galley!"

Dropping the bags of pretzels, Coyote backs out of the galley into the passenger area where the people sit in row upon row, two seats by the windows, and four down the centre of the plane. Briefly, Coyote lounges in an empty aisle seat. It seems a long time since her last meal at DeeDee's place. She sniffs the aromas of hot food and wanders up the aisle towards the meal carts. Lurking behind a flight attendant, panting, she hangs anxiously over his shoulder to see what food is making her mouth water.

While handing a food tray to a passenger, the attendant trips over Coyote. He turns with a quick apology. "I say love, awfully sorry. Did you need by?"

"No, no," Coyote cries, "Food, I want food."

"We'll be at your row soon, darling, but I need you to take your seat, you see," the polite attendant replies. Coyote enjoys the flight attendant's strange accented way of speaking and being called darling. Coyote lowers long eye lashes at the attendant. "Food?" she inquires.

"My dear, take your seat. Give us a mo," encourages the attendant, "There's a good lass." 225

Coyote starts back down the aisle to an unoccupied seat. She sits impatient to be served. An elderly woman in the next seat turns to Coyote, "Excuse me, excuse me" she says, "You are sitting in my husband's seat."

Coyote smirks and gestures at the meal cart, "I need food!" she barks.

Food is about to arrive and Coyote runs her tongue across her lips and teeth. But, before the meal arrives, a white-haired man comes to stand next to Coyote. "This is my seat, Lady" he says. The elderly woman joins in, "This is my husband's seat. I told you."

Ignoring the couple, Coyote grabs the warm food tray from the attendant, tears off the foil cover and digs in. The man and woman protest, "I say, this is not your seat, Miss! Not your meal!"

"Is there a problem, Sir?" inquires the friendly flight attendant.

"This is my seat" explains the man, "and that is my supper."

"Dear me Miss," the attendant says to Coyote, "I really need you to sit in your own seat. I'll take the tray for you, love."

Coyote clutches the tray of food, showing her teeth at the attendant, the man and his wife. A tug of war commences with the attendant, but Coyote jerks the tray out of the attendant's hands and food soars through the air. Coyote, the surprised woman and man are left with lamb stew and minted peas sliding down their faces.

"Come along Miss, we'll get this tidied up. Come along." the formerly friendly attendant half lifts Coyote and briskly brushes off the food with a damp cloth. He gives the cloth to her to wipe her face, but Coyote licks the cloth.

"Please take your seat Miss," Impatiently the attendant returns serving passengers.

Coyote zips back up the aisle to another empty seat in a row just about to be served. But, almost immediately a pregnant woman claims the seat in full view of the flight attendant.

Astonished the attendant insists, "You must go to your own seat, Miss. We really can't have you taking other people's seats and meals! Show me your ticket, and we'll find your seat."

Coyote jumps up and races down the aisle. Just before she reaches the kitchen galley she sees a passenger emerging from a tiny room. Coyote whips into the small space and slams the door. She wonders at the little cupboard with a bench. She is amused by the Coyote looking back at her and makes faces in the mirror. Coyote sticks her nose into some shelves finding only white tissues. She is still hungry and not getting closer to food. 226

Easing open the door to her refuge, Coyote sidesteps into the galley. She finds a cart containing rows of wincey bottles of different shapes and colours. If Coyote can't eat, she can pass the time with something to drink. Coyote opens the first little bottle. One gulp and it's gone. She tries them all as a rolling litter of spilled bottles grows around her.

"What are you doing?" A group of flight attendants shout, standing over Coyote and her mess. Coyote answers with a belch. One of the flight attendants takes Coyote's arm, leading her up the aisle. "I will show you to your seat, NOW!"

A giggling Coyote jumps to the top of a chairback and begins to leap from one to the next while disturbed passengers complain and the crew of flight attendants, pursue her. Coyote bangs her head hard against the low compartment ceiling and topples into the lap of a startled passenger in a window seat. Coyote presses her nose to the window. She can't believe her eyes. Where did the ground go? Coyote looks high and low seeing only clouds. She is sure this is not right. In a panic, Coyote howls.

The nearest attendant reaches for Coyote, but she flees across the chairbacks again, escaping from the terrible sight of clouds below her. A passenger standing in the aisle is shutting an overhead bin. Coyote pounces inside as it closes and crouches behind a briefcase. Safe for the moment, she whisks along inside the overhead storage, until she arrives at the rear of the passenger compartment. She hears the flight attendants outside her cubby hole opening bins behind her. Coyote kicks open the last bin, springs down and scoots into the mysterious cubicle next to the galley.

Coyote finds a round hiding hole under the bench. Perfect! Scrunching low inside the space, Coyote pulls the bench lid down to cover her as the attendants push on the washroom cubicle door. When the door finally opens on the washroom cubicle the attendants see no sign of Coyote. Bewildered, they complete food service and collect meal trays. The attendants are not surprised to have extra coffee and tea remaining. One of the flight attendants stands in the open doorway of the washroom cubicle and pours the left over coffee, grounds and all, into the toilet. "What a waste," he observes.

Doused in boiling coffee, Coyote lets out a piercing shriek just as the attendant presses the flush button on the toilet where she is hiding. Screaming and steaming Coyote is expelled from the airplane, and hurtles like a meteor towards mother earth. The trip to Ireland is not going well. Scorched by coffee, fueled by fury and alcohol, Coyote accelerates so rapidly her tail ignites.

Coyote thunders into a small island known by many as Iceland. Her flaming crash throws up rock, spurts smoke, and sprays an avalanche of lava. Where Coyote collides with Iceland a volcano erupts. Coyote doesn't wait around. She's had enough of air travel. Instead she thinks she'll hitch a ride from a strange white bear she spotted during her wild descent. Coyote goes in search of the bear.

Behind Coyote, the volcano grows and black clouds multiply. The winds blow masses of volcano ash east and south, grounding airplanes, stranding human beings and 227 interfering with air travel all across Europe for weeks and months to come.

ft******************* 228

DeeDee

Proud Village Mine is a proud village, such as it is, We are at our best when dancing. (45)

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Snow on the 9th of September. It certainly confirms that summer on the prairie will be over soon. But at least the early snow melted in a chinook and the commute into Calgary will be on dry roadway. For the first trip back to classes, DeeDee, Jennifer, Rachel, Gloria and Ernestine have the cooperation of mother earth. Commuting into classes means an early start. Everyone meets at the grocery store so whoever is driving doesn't have to pick up fellow commuters all around the reserve. Once everyone gets their kids off to school and daycare it's time to gather for the almost two hour trip into the university.

Tooting her car horn hello, Rachel pulls into the parking lot where Jennifer is waiting to drive everyone in her van. Rachel parks just as DeeDee and Gloria arrive beside her. Ernestine and Rachel, Dee and Gloria pile out of their smaller vehicles toting knapsacks over their shoulders, open the doors to Jennifer's van, set to climb aboard. "Oki! Hi! Oki! Can you believe it's that time again?"

Greetings and hugs circulate. They haven't been all together in one place since last April. Family activities, vacations and travel to pow wows limits contact with school friends over the summer. Gloria as the tallest calls dibs on the front seat with more leg room. DeeDee and Rachel sit in the middle seats when Ernestine says she wants to sleep some more and stretches out on the back bench.

"Here we go...another semester!" Gloria voices the mixture of excitement and reluctance they're all feeling as Jennifer drives out of the gravel parking lot onto the highway raising a cloud of dust. In the fields next to the highway, a Coyote trots brashly along, briefly pacing their vehicle, while a dozen crows and several magpies skim over his 229 head. Coyotes and black birds seem ever present. "There go our well-wishers, and the Old Man," Gloria comments waving towards their shadows.

"Holy!" says Jennifer drawing out the 'o' as her friends laughs. "Where did the summer go? It seems like only yesterday we were at the university. I seriously wonder sometimes just why I'm doing this. I think how many papers I'll have to write! Then I can't wait to find out what my professors are going to teach in my classes. I think I've got some good ones. Dr. Barnes is teaching Canadian Studies! Rachel, DeeDee, you gonna' take Canadian Studies and Aboriginal Literature with me, right?"

Both DeeDee and Rachel indicate they are in the courses and Gloria asks, "Those are today? I think I want to register in them too, but first I have to get one or more of my main...required...courses in Sociology. Anyone want to take Abnormal Soc with me?"

"Maybe," responds DeeDee. "When is it? If it doesn't conflict with another class, I might be interested. I still need at least one more course. How about Indigenous Studies? I saw that there are two new courses being offered fall and winter this year. I still want to do a minor in Indigenous Studies."

Gloria anxiously inquires, "When's the final day to register?"

"Not for another couple of weeks or so after classes start," offers Jennifer. "I'm thinkin' maybe I'll get an Indigenous Studies Minor, too. I'd take a major in it if I could. I'm gonna' talk to the advisor at the Native Student Centre and see if I can fit it into my degree." A buzz of soft snoring rises from the back seat. Jennifer chuckles, "That Ernestine, she can sleep!"

"Heh, what did everyone do this summer? I saw DeeDee and Jennifer at the Siksika pow wow. Your kids dancin' and winnin' Jennifer?" Rachel asks. 230

"Yeah," Jennifer nods. "Dancin' there and at about ten other pow wows this summer - out in B.C., Saskatchewan, Montana and even down in Albuquerque. My girls danced...one in jingle, my older girl does fancy now. I'm glad because sewin' on those jingles is too much work!" Gloria, Rachel and DeeDee bob their heads in sympathetic understanding.

Jennifer proudly adds, "Cindy, my fancy dancer took first prize at over half the pow wows. At Albuquerque she was in the top three. My little one got prizes at Siksika and another pow wow too. Goin' to pow wows sure makes the summer go fast. I saw your son Mark grass dancin' at Siksika, Rachel. He won some money, didn't he?"

"Right, he won a fair bit of money this summer, 'though, it's already spent.. .he wants new regalia for next year. Keeps growin' eh? I'll have to get some hide soon so my Mom can show me how to make an outfit. I want to do the beadin'." Rachel responds, thinking fondly of her eldest son. Travelling into Calgary means she won't see her children all day unlike the past two months when her family camped and were together all the time. She misses her children already and is anxious about the growing distance from home and family. Distracting herself, Rachel quickly turns to DeeDee. "Heh, I was forgettin' Dee. Did you get to take that trip you won! Where'd you go?"

"I went to Ireland, back in April after exams. Sometimes, it seems like I travelled a long time past and other times it feels like I just got back" Dee shakes her head, bemused.

"Where's Ireland?" Gloria wonders.

"I had to look it up on a map," Dee acknowledges, "It's an island near Britain, in the Atlantic Ocean. It's a long way away. We had to fly and change planes in Britain to reach Ireland."

"Did you like flying? What's Ireland like?" an enthusiastic Rachel inquires. 231

Dee shivers at memories of airports, planes and her travels, "It was scary at times, I gotta say tirin'...flyin' in a plane, goin' where I don't know a soul. There aren't any Indians in Ireland! But it went alright. My sister Patricia came too and we did everythin' together, so it was a lot better than bein' by myself. We sure saw some things I never dreamed about or knew of. The Irish treated us pretty good, too. The people were friendly, offerin' help with directions what to see. One good thing in Ireland, like at my Mom's, it's easy to find a cup of tea...always a kettle to make tea in the hotel rooms."

"Tea!" Jennifer exclaims. "Eeaah! I thought the Irish always drank booze? Aren't they known for drinkin'?" Jennifer, Rachel and Gloria laugh at the idea of tea drinkers in Ireland.

Dee smiles too, "Yeah, I know the stereo-type ...aren't we stereo-typin'? Tea and booze both... and there are sooo many places to drink whiskey and beer in Dublin...well, everywhere I was in Ireland."

"What was the best part of your trip?" Gloria wants to know.

"Coming home!" Dee quips. "You know sometimes home is just the place you live, but I was sooo glad to get back. 'Missed my kids, 'my little house on the prairie'...even the rest of the country. Sure missed my family and friends - eeeeaaaah, you guys too!" Dee teases. She reflects, "But you know, I saw incredible stuff in Ireland, maybe even learned some things, and mostly enjoyed visitin' there."

"What was incredible?" Gloria probes.

"Tell us!" Rachel and Jennifer urge her.

A supportive grunt comes from the backseat. "Yeah, I've never bin outta Canada. What did you see?" demands Ernestine, waking and sitting up to listen. "No-one in my family's gone anywhere!" 232

"Okay," Dee pauses. Where to start? "I guess...Dublin, it's the capital city where we landed and stayed for a few days.. .the first thin' I noticed about it was that it was old. The buildings are dirty... some of them includin' the university I saw are hundreds of years old. Not so many office towers as Calgary. But, some of the places are kind of grand and beautiful, too - like the churches. There's art and all kinds of statues. Most streets are so narrow, and the city is jammed with cars and people. It is crazy, because the people drive on the opposite side of the road, and they drive so fast. I was sure we'd be mashed tryin' to cross the street - even when we looked each way, again and again! It's even written on the roads at the corners...to look to the left or the right...depends which way you're goin'. At first, Patricia and I stood on corners sometimes just too scared to cross."

Her friends are silent trying to imagine what it would be like someplace where even crossing the road was so terrifying. Why would anyone want to go there?

Dee's laughter doesn't quite break her tension. "Eeeaah! Dublin - lots more crowded than the reserve, eh? - supposed to be like Calgary as far as the number of people goes, but during the day there are mobs everywhere, rushin', people crossin' streets even though the lights are green and cars are speedin' at you. Like campus between classes! Holy! I thought I was goin' to see people killed or maybe be killed in that city! But you know, after about four days Patricia and I could cross the roads mostly like the Dublin people."

"Holy," jokes Jennifer, "sounds like you were chickens crossin' a road, eeeaah! I don't think I would have liked that traffic, or riskin' gettin' creamed."

"Why did the chicken cross the road, eh? Were there things worth seeing on the other side?" Gloria picks up the joke.

"Eeaaaah!" Dee shares the amusement of her friends. "Yeah, there were things worth seein'. That tour took us to lots of places, in the city and around the country. I mentioned the university in Dublin...the main one's called Trinity. It's really ancient 233 compared to Calgary University and made of stone and better to look at. The best thing about that place is the library. It doesn't look as big as the one at Calgary, but it sure is tons older and some of the books are really old. The most surprisin' thing I saw in Ireland was all the ancient books the library keeps."

"Books! Don't we hear enough about books at university? You went all the way to Ireland to look at books?" protests Rachel.

"I know what you mean.. .though some of the books we get can be interestin," Dee defends her university fostered love of reading. "Those books in Ireland .. .books made by white people in general I guess...in Europe seem to have been pretty important for a long, long time. Maybe they can't remember enough, so they write everything down, eeeaaah! They don't seem to understand our oral way of keepin' records, huh?" Dee muses. "One of the special books the Irish show to tourists is called Book of Kells. If you can believe it, that book is about 1200 years or more old. It is one of the first books made in Ireland by monks, and you know... it's even covered in hide."

"Dee, once I had a teacher who used to say 'You can't judge a book by its cover'...so other than hide what makes the Kells book so great? Is it beaded or what? Is it history or philosophy or what'? Could you read it?" Jennifer questions.

"No, I couldn't read it." Dee shakes her head. "In fact you can't even touch it. There is a display. They say it's named after the place it was made in Ireland. The Book of Kells is in a glass case. I think it's a bible, and it's not in English.. .probably, they said Latin."

"Latin? Why would people in Ireland use Latin?" Gloria is perplexed.

Ernestine pipes up from the back of the van. "Probably the monks were Catholic, and old religious writin' in Europe was done in Latin. I read somewhere once about modern churches in Britain and North America using English now. They used to speak and write in Latin...way back." 234

"Yeah Ern, I think you're right." Dee agrees. "The Kells book was made when the work was all hand done, every letter and word Hundreds of pages! In fact it was painted...the text and drawings were painted by monks, who decorated letters, whole pages with pictures. You should see...they must have had some wild imaginations, 'cause some of the animals, saints and things on pages are bizarre. The paintin's are kind of like church windows, stained glass...only faded some cause they used natural plant dyes and they're old. 'Kinda like old quill and bead work. It's a big thick book.. .so many pages.. .makes you wonder how they did it, and how long it took to finish a single book?"

Dee marvels at the unique character of handmade books, observing, "Not like now when there are so many books - at university we have endless books! Everything we learn comes from books! The bookstore has thousands on the shelves...more get made daily by machines. Mostly they are just pages of words. 'Though an ancient one is tougher to read with all the fancy letters...the Kells book was beautiful!"

"Yeah, Dee, I think you're right. I keep gettin' more textbooks to read every year...and, yeah sometimes there's pretty interestin' stuff in them, but it's usually learning for the test...try to memorize. It's not often a text is both beautiful and worthwhile...enjoyable" Jennifer grouses.

Gloria plaintively adds, "I had two good texts last year, one in Fine Arts with lots of amazing pictures, caves or old paintings. Colour and something good to look at make reading much easier."

"Pictures make studying a lot better, eh?" Ernestine concurs. "But, if all our books had many pictures they'd be twice as thick and heavy as they are now. Might be better to read. Might cost more, too. Ouch!"

"Ouch, for sure! I never have the money to pay for my books now!" Jennifer wails. 235

"Well, I love readin' novels and short stories," Rachel insists, "and they don't often have pictures. That's one reason I'm lookin' forward to Aboriginal Literature this fall...read some stories. Did you read...or hear any stories in Ireland, Dee?"

Yeah. ..lots of stories! Our tour guide was the bus driver. He told stories all the time, about places we were drivin' by, or we visited. I didn't know, but I guess the Irish people are proud of their storytellers, writers and poets too. We were at the grave of one writer... Keats, maybe? I got a little book of his poems. 'Saw a statue of another writer in Dublin, mmh Wilde...funny name...Oscar Wilde. But the people in Ireland talk about their writers and storytellers. They seem to like to tell stories."

"Do you remember a story? Tell us one." Rachel prompts Dee.

"I heard stories all the time, some jokes too. Ireland is full of stories. The bus driver said that storytellers were important and powerful people in ancient Ireland," Dee recalls. She then admits, "My memory couldn't keep all the stories I heard. One joke, the driver told a few, reminded me of the kinds of funny stories I sometimes hear the grandpas at Siksika tellin'. The tour driver called it a 'Kerryman story. I think it goes:

This man Seamus meets another called Sean. Seamus is walkin' into town. He is carryin' a big sack. The sack is moving and a great noise is comin' from it. Sean asks Seamus, 'What's in the bag Seamus?' Seamus answers, 'Geese, Sean, geese. If you can guess how many I have in the bag, I'll give you both of them.' Sean thinks...Sean t'inks.. .for a bit and then guesses, 'Three?'"

Dee's friends greet the end of the story with silence, quickly broken by groans.

"....I mean tree geese,"' DeeDee chuckles, "...'tree'...those Irish sometimes say't' instead of'th,' thick/tick...or thing/ting. And, I heard several people not say 'sh' at the end of a word, but an 's' sound like my mother and aunties when they say fish or dish... fis...dis." Heads bob at Dee's description. "Those Irish people speak in a way different accent, and I needed to listen hard sometimes...to understand." 236

"My grandmother... my mother, speak that way too,'t's' and 's's'," Jennifer agrees, "'Course, so do I." The others recall family and friends who joke about such regular challenges in English.

"Tell us another story Dee!" Rachel asks.

"I guess I could tell you a story about my name," Dee is shy to share what she's learned about the origins of her name. "'Turns out that Deirdre is from Ireland...an Irish name and there is a story to go with it. I never knew my name was a famous one."

Gloria interrupts Dee's tale. "I didn't know your name was anything but DeeDee. Deirdre? I never heard that name before. It's Irish? I always figured our names are all English. Aren't our names from English...their custom?"

Dee shrugs, "I guess havin' first names is from Europe...I have an Irish name, some people have English, maybe French or other names from different countries in Europe. My mother says if we followed Blackfoot tradition, we might have a baby name that changed when we got older, and maybe we would earn a name from our deeds or an animal spirit guide. So we could have more than a single name, but not arranged as first, middle and last, eh?" Dee responds with another shrug. Considering the many forced changes in the Blackfoot way of life can be confusing.

"On the tour," Dee presses on, "the Irish people talked about the English invadin' them, and takin' over...colonialism, wars. The Irish and English people I met called their first names, Christian names. Some names in Ireland seem the same as Canadian English. But, the Irish once had their own language and names before the English came. Gaelic, that's the language, I'm pretty sure the tour guide said."

"I have an uncle who is choosing to use a Blackfoot name for his family name, no translation into English," Rachel speaks up proudly, "although it isn't based on his own 237 deeds or actions, and he still has a first name. The name goes back to before the treaty. The rest of the family is thinking about changin' too."

"I bet it's hard to say," Gloria sighs. "There are lots of long words in Blackfoot. I didn't learn it livin' in the city. ..in foster homes. I never even heard Blackfoot, there. I wish my family spoke it."

"Ernestine, you are a traditional Blackfoot speaker aren't you?" inquires Rachel.

"My family speaks Blackfoot at home," Ernestine agrees, "Now though some of my nieces and nephews aren't botherin' to learn in this new generation. It's hard for them findin' friends their age who speak it. Often, I hear the people who speak Blackfoot makin' fun of the people tryin' to learn. They don't help with how to say the words, and laugh when people make mistakes. It's discouragin'." Ernestine voices her worry for the loss of the community language. "My older relatives say the Blackfoot bein' taught now to kids and adults is like grade one or two level.. .ancient high level Blackfoot isn't bein' used.. .it is passin' away, along with the stories, songs, knowledge all lost."

"So many people think it is too late to save the language," Jennifer observes. "Our parents and grandparents didn't think we needed the language. Can we get it back or do we just give up? I feel there must be more our leaders can do!"

Consternation over looming language loss in the community overtakes their thoughts and swamps the buoyant spirits with which the day began. Language is an urgent matter for the well being of Siksika culture. But, there are so many urgent matters...housing, health, spiritual renewal, employment, education, hunger, child welfare, suicides, crime and violence, leadership, financial limitations...all needing to be addressed in order for the people to thrive. Good leaders were hard to come by.. .and even a remarkable leader couldn't save the language or do all the things that needed to be done, all alone. 238

"You know," Dee breaks the silence as she dredges up another memory of her travels, "I heard them talk about Gaelic in Ireland, and say that not many people speak it anymore. But, I remember hearin' people talk a different language - and explain it was Gaelic. They called it Irish, too...and all the street signs, museum write-ups were written in two languages, Gaelic then English!"

"Not too many streets signs and museums on reserves," Rachel objects.

"No... just a few roads," Dee acknowledges, "But, would you believe the Irish are using technology? Our taxi driver to the airport was listenin' to Irish on the radio, and there was at least one television station that was Irish only. Flippin' through TV channels, I saw talk shows ...other things, a soap opera in Irish. The computers at the hotels were set up for Irish, too. Don't know if it's makin' a difference in the younger generations, but those Irish, they are insistin' on having it...usin' their own language!" Contemplating the ways the Irish are promoting and preserving their language and culture gives a modicum of hope for more and better Blackfoot language preservation.

Ernestine indicates her own plans, "Me, I'm gonna teach Blackfoot when I get done my degree, and I'm already teachin' my grandchildren. I use it at home with them. They hear the talk a few hours every day. I get them practicin'."

"Ernestine, practice on us, on our commutes," Gloria invites. "I want to learn to speak my language...then, maybe, I can work with my girl."

"Good idea, Gloria. I want to know more Blackfoot too, and not be afraid to speak it." Rachel seconds Gloria's request, while Dee and Jennifer add their encouragement.

Ernestine consents, then suddenly laughs and tries to look aloof, "Eaaah! Where's my tobacco?" she prompts her friends to remember traditional protocol. 239

"We'll bring you tobacco, for sure Ern," Rachel still laughing, promises. "We'll treat you proper."

Chatter bubbles, warm with shared determination and the possibilities of what they might accomplish. Eventually, Gloria recalls the talk of Ireland which sparked their discussion.

"Dee, you were going to tell us another story. About your name," Gloria reminds her.

"Yeah," Dee concurs, "but we're already here!" As usual conversation on the drive into Calgary has made the distance pass quickly. They are arriving at campus and will be parked in moments. "How be I tell you an Irish story on the way home tonight," Dee offers, locating her knapsack and digging out her schedule, checking the building for her first class.

Her friends approve the notion of a story on their return trip.. .a story and Blackfoot lessons! When the van is parked, Dee, Jennifer and Gloria head off to their first lecture together, while Ernestine and Rachel join the crowds queuing for coffee in the student union building. From there, with courses to sort out and anxious to escape the onslaught of elbowing fellow students, they seek the refuge of the Native Centre. They know old friends will be there with stories of summer to share.

3|e3|e3|c3fg)fe3|e:|c£'fe&jfc]|cg3|c>|E'tca|ej|e:||e$ 240

The Flight of the Crows

The autumn afternoon is dying o'er The quiet western valley where I lie Beneath the maples on the river shore, Where tinted leaves, blue waters and fair sky Environ all; and far above some birds are flying by...

In forest arms the night will soonest creep, Where somber pines a lullaby intone, Where Nature's children curl themselves to sleep, And all is still at last, save where alone A band of black, belated crows arrive from lands unknown...

Strange sojourn has been theirs since waking day, Strange sights and cities in their wanderings blend With fields of yellow maize, and leagues away With rivers where their sweeping waters wend Past velvet banks to rocky shores, in canons bold to end.

Strange black and princely pirates of the skies, Would that your wind-tossed travels I could know! Would that my soul could see, and, seeing, rise To unrestricted life where ebb and flow Of Nature's pulse would constitute a wider life below!

Could I but live just here in Freedom's arms, A kingly life without a sovereign's care! Vain dreams! Day hides with closing wings her charms, And all is cradled in repose, save where Yon band of black, belated crows still frets the evening air. (46)

E. Pauline Johnson 241

DeeDee

Moonset ...The moon is sinking into shadow-land... The troubled night-bird, calling plaintively, Wanders on restless wing... I may not all your meaning understand, But I have touched your soul in shadow-land. (47)

******

DeeDee, Rachel, Jennifer, Gloria and Ernestine lose no time making for the parking lot. They're tired after what seems like a long day at the start of another fall semester. Although most of their professors keep the introductory sessions short not to over tax brains, their thoughts swirl.. .so much reading.. .so many papers.. .rearranging schedules... permissions for course registrations...one professor managed to be humourous...most professors loading on the work...refusing to budge on assignment deadlines...so many books needing a bigger knapsack to get them home.

While they trade events of their day, Jennifer steers the van clear of Calgary traffic and speeds east towards their homes and families. When conversation dwindles, Gloria turns to DeeDee. "Hey, Dee you promised us the story of your name."

"Okay...it's a legend the tour guide told, from the north, he said," Dee begins. "The Irish have a lot of stories about kings. When I heard this story, I wondered why the people would put up with this king. A leader shouldn't be out only for himself. Nowadays I wonder if some of our chiefs are trying to be kings. But, the story doesn't start with the king, it starts with a storyteller.

.. .Once there was a well known storyteller who worked for a king. The storyteller's wife was bearing a child. A druid prophet - he's like a shaman or medicine person, I think - made a prophesy that the baby would be a girl, who would be named Deidre. She would grow to be more beautiful than any other." 242

"So, Deirdre you are the most beautiful!?" Gloria interjects, laughing, "Eeeaaaaah. What about the rest of us?"

"Eaaah. Of course I am. Can't you tell?" Dee laughs in turn. "This is a legend... not my story... unless you see me as the most beautiful! The Irish Deirdre, she is said to be beautiful. Her story makes you think, maybe it's not so good to be beautiful.

"Go on Dee. What happened to the beautiful baby?" Rachel urges, and Dee returns to her tale:

The druid prophet also said the girl's beauty would be so great it would cause kings and knights to go to war. There would be bloodshed and deaths. The kingdom's bravest warriors would be faced with exile. The King heard about the new baby's beauty and power. He wanted the most beautiful woman for himself as his wife when she grew up. He took the baby away from her parents and gave her to an old woman to keep her far away from other people until she was old enough to be a wife.

One day when Deirdre was growing up she watched the old woman's husband butchering a calf in the snow. A raven came down to drink the blood. Deirdre dreamed a vision of the man she wanted to marry. He should have hair as black as the raven, skin as white as the snow and lips as red as blood. She told the old woman who cared for her about her dream of the young man she wished to marry. I guess her dream didn't sound like the king who was getting grey and fat.

The old woman said she knew a young man with dark hair, pale skin and red lips who was a singer, hunter and the bravest warrior for the king. She arranged for Deirdre to meet the warrior named Noise...or Naoise. At first the warrior stayed away from Deirdre, knowin' that the king intended to marry her. But, finally he couldn't resist her beauty. They loved one another and Deirdre convinced Naoise to run away with her. His two loyal brothers went with them to protect them from the king or any dangers.

They all fled to another place....but the king there wanted Deirdre too. Naoise and his brothers had to fight a battle and flee to a small island to keep Deidre safe. Life was hard and lonely, but Deidre and Naoise were gonna stay there, away from other people. Then their friends got the king to send a messenger and guards 243

tellin' them they could come home. They didn't need to be afraid of the king.

Deirdre didn't trust the king. She had bad dreams and warned Naoise and his brothers. The men.. .they decided to return to Ireland because the king promised they would be safe. On the way home, the messenger and some of the guards were fooled into thinkin' everything was fine. They abandoned Deirdre and Naoise. The king sent people to spy on Deidre to see if she was still beautiful. She was and the king still wanted her for himself. So when Deirdre with Naoise and his brothers met with the king they were attacked and captured. While Naoise was held down he was speared and killed by a warrior. His brothers were killed, too. They were buried together and Deirdre begged to die and be buried with Naoise. To her sorrow Deirdre was kept alive and the king forced Deirdre to live with him. Whether he beat her or gave her presents, she hated the king.

Deidre stayed full of sorrow and misery. This angered the king. After awhile he tired of her sadness. The king asked her who she hated most in the world. She said the man who had killed Naoise. Then the king said it was her destiny to be with that man. The king took Deirdre in his chariot to give her to the man she hated. The king, he mocked Deidre. Throwing herself off the chariot, Deirdre smashed her head on a rock and died.

Deirdre was buried next to Naoise. After a tree grew from her grave and one from his, and they wound together united for all to see. The king tried to destroy the trees but could not. (48)

That is the story of the beautiful Deirdre. Me, I don't want her sorrows. Got lots of my own, eaah!" Dee laughs to lighten the somber mood in the van.

"Dee, you are so right...a sad story! Still together at the end, huh?" Rachel sighs.

"I thought it was sad and romantic in a way too." Dee replies. "The guide, he said there were other versions and endings. Always Deidre and Naoise end up dead."

"It's odd that she wasn't a princess? White people's stories have a lot of princesses as well as kings," Rachel muses. 244

"Yeah, lots seem to, huh! Sometimes my grandfather's stories have chiefs daughters... and warriors. The daughters are mostly always beautiful, eh!" Jennifer adds.

Ernestine agrees, saying, "Reminds me a bit of a story I've heard told. 'Bout the girl that marries Morning Star. She was the most beautiful too. Her father was a chief. He had many sons, but only the one daughter, Red Flower. She was loved by everyone for her beauty but also because she was generous and kind."

"Tell us, Ernestine," Gloria entreats her. Ernestine plunges into the story.

When she was marriageable age all the men wanted to have her for a wife. They brought her feathers for her hair, gifts of jewellery they'd made or carved from bone, and tried to impress her when they wrestled and raced against one another. They tried to win her father's approval to be her husband, but he was unwilling to part with her too soon. Then one day an unknown hunter, the most handsome young man anyone had seen came to the village. He was tall and rode on a huge powerful horse straight to the tipi of the chief. Dismounting he entered the tipi surprising the chief who was lying on his bed skins.

The chief demanded to know who the stranger was. He said he was Morning Star, child of the Great Spirit. He told the chief that he had come to love Red Flower for her beauty and for her kindness to her people. Morning Star said he had come a long way from his father's sky world because he wanted the chiefs daughter for his wife. The chief wouldn't part with his daughter. He doubted that Morning Star was the child of the Great Spirit.

Morning Star tells him, that his father the Great Spirit will send proof on the following day. In the morning the chief will see a cloudless sky, but soon darkness would cover the earth, and the chief and his people would hear the voice of his father the Great Spirit and see his power. The chief found it hard to believe his words, but agreed that if these things happened that his daughter could become the wife of Morning Star.

In the morning the skies were clear and blue, but suddenly everything became dark. Crashing thunder knocked the people to the ground. Then, once more, the sky cleared, but lightning bolts stabbed at the earth cracking rocks and splittin' trees. 245

The chief and the people knew that Morning Star was the child of the Great Spirit. They put up a wedding feast for him and Red Flower before they left to journey to the sky world. Two or three moons passed and the people were together celebratin' a season of plenty. Without warning, the earth began to roll and heave. The people ran stumbling and fallin' to escape flyin' rocks and cracks openin' in the earth.

They all wondered why the spirits of the earth would tear apart the ground and drive away the birds and the animals. Three suns later the chiefs daughter returned. She was cryin' and weak with fear and hunger. She told her father that on their journey, they were attacked by strangers and that in the fight Morning Star was killed. The chief and the people figure out that the Great Spirit shook the earth to punish people when Morning Star was killed.

Red Flower, the chief and the people mourned for Morning Star. They painted their faces and sang songs of death, songs lamenting lost love. They sang songs for the grief and anger of the Great Spirit. They sang songs asking the Great Spirit to heal the land. It wasn't long before the Great Spirit called Red Flower to come to the land of the spirits to be with Morning Star forever. Red Flower became Star Flower and she looked down from the sky world and healed the land for the people. Whenever she breathed on the earth soft breezes warmed the soil, trees blossomed and flowers grew. Each fall her breath spreads the seeds so new flowers cover the earth in the spring. (49)

When the story ends, Ernestine chuckles at her companions' mournful faces.

"Well, at least Star Flower brings some good to the people," Rachel observes.

"I like that story, Ernie," Dee offers.

"Still, the girl and man are together only when they're dead," complains Gloria.

"That's a favourite story my auntie used to tell, too," Jennifer says. "I like that name Star Flower. I like that she found a way to help the people." 246

"Star Flower seems to grow more power than the Irish, Deirdre," Dee says frowning, before adding, "The tour leader, he also said Deirdre means broken-hearted, sorrowful or raging woman. I'm not sure I want my name to mean any of those things. But, I think raging woman is more powerful. I can maybe live with that."

"Hey, Ragin' Woman...we'll call you that, eaaaah," laughs Jennifer while the others join in. "'Deirdre' doesn't sound like sorrow or rage. European names are strange...the meaning is hidden...lost. Do you suppose my name...or our names have a meanin'...more meanin' other than the sound?"

"Turns out they do Jennifer. Like everything else in white culture, there are books .. .books about names," Ernestine indicates. "My youngest sister Donna got one in a baby supply store when she had her last boy. We looked up our names. In that book, names used in Europe - and I guess ours - are lots old. It was funny. Donna was supposed to mean 'lady.' My sister, she called her boy Simon, from the Bible... meanin' something like 'being heard.' He was a noisy baby!"' Ernestine begins to laugh, "Eeaaah, my name means 'serious'...Eh, why are you laughin'?"

Jennifer, Rachel, Dee and Gloria enjoy Ernestine's mirth. Her name is a funny choice for someone who loves to joke around and is seldom serious in company. However, they also know humour lifts too much seriousness in everyday life. Ernie's keeping and raising her grandchildren after the parents' suicides, caring for aging parents, and managing to keep making progress in her courses. Ernestine grumbles sometimes about her grades, still she stays strong. It's good to have someone like Ernestine riding with them, being a friend.

"You're lucky to be travellin' today with Ragin' Woman and Serious Woman," Ernestine encourages more laughter." 247

"You mean Not Much Serious Woman!" Dee teases, "Ern, does your sister still have that book? Can you bring it? Everybody can find out the meanin' of the names we carry. My second name is Sharon."

"I'll see," promises Ernestine. "Me, I think Jennifer means something like 'Drivin' Fast Van Traveller,' and Gloria is "Ridin' Many Miles. Rachel is..."

Everyone convulses with laughter as they trade names for one another. The kilometers go by unnoticed.

$j(e3|ej|e%?|cjicj|c3|'3ic:fc3|()|e3|e9|c$:lc>le$$)|c 248

Chariene

Proud Song

You will always find me by the beating of my drum. (50)

******

"I am proud of my people! I can be proud of my people.. .of my community. What they have endured, what they continue to endure." Chariene fights back tears while she holds onto the steering wheel of her car. The children are in the back seat, their excitement about returning to the reserve for the weekend has subsided into sleep. Chariene is glad they cannot see her tears.

Knowledge can be saddening, but at the same time, to have an understanding is a blessing. Charlene's thoughts retrace the past few weeks in her senior history course. "Colonialism," this word has appeared in several courses and now it's back, again and again in lectures, readings and presentations. Her class is studying the history of First Nations and at the applications of colonialism in Canada.

When Chariene first heard colonialism mentioned, it was a completely unfamiliar term. People in her community didn't use this word. While they lived the experience, they did not have the English words to describe it. In fact, growing up as a Native person, Chariene and her community could seldom avoid hearing from mainstream society that they were inferior. She knows the evidence pointed at by these stories...the recurring social problems, the impoverished existence in Native communities and she knows it is almost impossible to escape the feelings of worthlessness that plague so many adults and children back home. But in this history course Chariene and her mostly Native classmates, encounter the origins, the undermining events and poisonous circumstances which cause the wounds infecting the lives of generation after generation of Aboriginal people. Chariene 249 and most of her First Nations classmates know intimately the bitter struggle to survive dominating and often defeating their home communities.

Now, following the morning presentation she gave about Aboriginal veterans, Chariene is on her way home to the reserve, with Sky and the twins for Easter weekend. Chariene finds she is fighting tears. If she is unable to see the road, she risks the safety of everyone in the car. But, her emotions cannot be held back and seeing a rest stop a short distance ahead Chariene turns into it her tears gushing.

Although she is weeping by the side of the highway, Chariene can't help but be grateful for all that she is learning. Despite her pain, she can't help but value what she is discovering. Her history professor, Dr. Leacock has high expectations for his students learning and he brings the class so much knowledge. He is one of those professors who is comfortable with humour at times, yet he is respectful and caring of his students, and develops a community in the course. So much of the information is new. In fact the course presents history that is unknown to most of the students, whether they are First Nations, Euro-Canadian or from other origins.

Her First Nations history is revealing to Chariene the shared experiences of Native peoples across North America. Class discussions highlight too, the contrasts in tribal heritages and regional policies. Chariene and her classmates are able to locate in the past the roots of difficulties in the present. The non-First Nations students are shocked to learn some of the darker endeavours of their government. Dr. Leacock helps students consider how history has significance for Aboriginal peoples, and in the lives of all Canadians. The class wonders that there is not more awareness in the national consciousness.

Earlier in the day, Chariene spoke to her class about her research assignment on Natives who became Canadian soldiers, some in WW I, but more in WW II, and fought for Canada returning as veterans after the war. She described the injustice many including men from her reserve experienced. In some instances they were forced to give up their status as Native people. Native veterans were deprived of the same opportunities and pensions as 250 other returning Canadians soldiers. In some communities veterans found that Native land was taken by the government for military purposes or sold away from the reserves. After the war, they no longer were honoured soldiers or warriors. They were still labeled Indians, child wards, non-citizens without the rights and freedoms of other Canadians, for whom they had fought overseas against a foreign enemy.

Chariene knows that this history she presented is not unusual or remarkable, really. It is consistent with how First Nations people have been treated for centuries. The class has learned that in the interactions between Aboriginal people with Europeans power shifted early and rapidly in favour of the invaders. When Native peoples encountered Europeans along the eastern shores and rivers of North America, there were instances of kidnapping and slavery. Yet, Native people rescued scurvy-ridden sailors, developed trading partnerships, then alliances in tribal and trade conflicts. Increasingly, First Nations people faced destruction by foreign diseases. Communities were disrupted by the European priests in their rush to convert First Nations peoples, to change their way of life, to displace the people's own stories, beliefs and understandings, and to assert European stories, customs, and belief systems.

Despite these problematic relationships, much of the history records First Nations groups fighting as staunch brothers in arms beside Europeans warring to control the New World. A pattern was established, when those wars ended. The relationships were no longer vital and warriors were not needed as allies anymore. First Nations were viewed then as barriers to settlement, progress and dominion over the land. Very soon, they were shoved aside and dispossessed by the hordes of destitute or adventurous from Europe and elsewhere, flocking to North America.

With the arrival of more Europeans and other peoples, came the treaty agreements initiated by the British monarchy and pursued by the Canadian government when it was established. First Nations were coerced and starved into negotiations to share the land. The treaties effectively became a means to marginalize and confine 'no longer useful' First Nations peoples on reserves...those few that survived after the depredations of disease, 251 warfare and famine. The treaties on the Plains occurred rapidly after the buffalo herds were destroyed by newcomers and the people could not feed their children. Among the Cree, Blackfoot, Sioux and Chippewa...tribes across the country...so many adults, children, healers, storytellers and leaders had died, there was little resistance possible.

Aboriginal history reflects that in Canada, the treaties and reserves were a beginning too, the beginning of increasing government force against and control over Aboriginal groups. With the Indian Act the Federal government usurped the power, rights and freedom of every individual Native person and every community. Agents were assigned to run the reserves, dole out tiny amounts of supplies or farm equipment, barely sustaining life. With the backing of Federal and Provincial governments, the agents trespassed on and controlled the lives of Native people: refused to let them leave the reserve, to assemble with other Native people, to celebrate their customs or to practice their rituals and religion. Traditional dress, items of value were stolen and sold, and sacred artifacts were seized. Laws were passed preventing Native farmers or fishermen from participating in the sale of goods or produce to make a living, and the agents enforced these regulations...guaranteeing poverty. All these actions made First Nations dependent. Then the society that made it so, blamed Native people for their hardships and destitution, targeted them with disdain and ridicule.

In addition to political and economic colonialism Chariene has learned the history of residential and industrial schools. In the treaties, the elders and chiefs negotiated access to education, training and the knowledge brought by the Europeans. But the government and the European-Canadian religious denominations compelled Aboriginal people to attend school and to give up their culture and their language. They took the children from their families and kept them, confined sometimes for years, without parents and their communities, in order to assimilate the children so that they would no longer be First Nations. There was unimaginable cruelty and abuse in the schooling of the children. Some could not return to their people, while others tried, living confused and broken in the shattered remains of their communities. How could the people not be in pain, after so many had been taught to despise their heritage, to regard themselves and their people as less than human? 252

From her research, Chariene now knows this was the situation - educational, social, economic, political - to which veterans came home after WW II. The educational situation persisted for generations and continued post-war for several more decades until residential schools and assimilationist policies and practices slowly began to change. Residential schools closed only in the 1980's and the last few in the 1990's. Before university, Chariene didn't know about the veterans, about colonialism. She knew very little about residential schools. Her parents and others on the reserve were reluctant to share stories about their experiences.

"It's all the impacts of colonialism that are the problem! Colonialism! Colonialism has damaged the people and nearly destroyed us!" Charlene's tears flow. Words tumble from her although there is no-one awake to hear. She is bursting with a new sense of joy and purpose. Her history course and Dr. Leacock are a gift. Even the knowledge traditions of the university are a gift. The study and scholarship permits examination of actions and systems like colonialism. Knowing about colonialism is bringing her a new perspective., .a chance to re-evaluate and develop a sharpened appreciation of the valour of her own people...of all First Nations.

"I am proud. My people can be proud of who they are. They are not worthless! They've been honourable. They are honourable! They have been friends, allies and warriors...always honoured the treaties! It is colonialism that has put them in the awful conditions. They are on the outside of society living crushed lives. My people survived! No matter what's been done ...despite everything that colonialism has done... they continue...they still strive!"

Chariene detects some sounds and movement from the little girls in the back seat of her car. She doesn't want her daughters awake until they are closer to home. Otherwise they may complain about the long trip and arrive short of sleep and be grumpy all evening. While they're still asleep, Chariene dries her tears and starts the car. Her heart is full and a smile lights her face as she checks on her babies in the back. She's proud of them too. Already the twins are confident and do well in school. 253

As she accelerates onto the highway, Chariene considers what she's learned in another of her courses about Aboriginal Education. In the present day when First Nations people need modern world knowledge more than ever, it turns out that the government regularly underfunds education for First Nations and is depriving Aboriginal children of an equal schooling and the opportunity for a future. The government still maintains colonialism. Resisting or removing the constraints of colonialism demands awareness and knowledge...these things Chariene is gathering in university. Chariene perceives that she is one of the few attending university, pursuing the knowledge her community needs to move forward. She's determined that the twins and Sky get an education as well.

Studying history makes it clear to Chariene that massive disruption and despair are the result of ongoing colonialism while she can see that now colonialism is eroding in some ways. First Nations are not so completely overpowered by government, unfair laws and the mainstream as they once were. Chariene didn't have to cope as her parents did with the cruelty of residential school. Although university education can offer much to chafe and trouble her, Chariene is glad to reflect that thanks to her studies, there are chances for her, her fellow Native students, for the next generation, her daughters.

And, the history she is learning shows there are some slight social improvements for Aboriginal people, even political developments...those that allowed Native people to be citizens, or constitutional changes acknowledging inherent rights, small signs of positive change. There is no doubt colonialism created a gulf of separation between First Nations and other Canadians socially, economically and politically. As yet, the gulf is a wide one and it's difficult to see how it will be crossed. Knowing about colonialism, however, makes it possible to tackle the challenge.

Driving towards the reserve, Chariene knows her husband and the rest of the family are waiting for her. She peers through her windshield at the long road ahead. She is not discouraged by the distance. Her destination fills her mind and heart and she is keen to share her hopes with the people of her community.

******************** 254

DeeDee

Magic Formula

You have no right to trouble me, Depart, I am becoming stronger; ... You who would devour me; I am becoming stronger, stronger. Mighty medicine is now within me, You cannot now subdue me - I am becoming stronger, I am stronger, stronger, stronger. (51)

lie*****

Dee turns into her mother's driveway to find her sister Patricia and her youngest daughter climbing out of their truck. The children race together into the house while Dee and Patricia follow arm in arm. Travelling together brought them closer. In recent years when the sisters were busy with husbands and young families they didn't spend much time together. The last while there's been upheaval for both of them. Dee's no longer married. Patricia's husband is only in the picture sometimes. Since Patricia got back from Ireland her children's father has been coming around every night. Dee listens with sympathy to Patricia's worries about the on and off again nature of his attentions to her and their children.

In her own marriage, Dee knows she was the one to change. Going back to school brought many pressures. It meant she was away from her husband much of the time, she had things to do, to think about, a focus and purpose. At first, she tried to rely on her spouse. He used to take her into College classes and sit and wait for her. But then he would complain if she didn't leave class right away. He'd be angry if she stopped to talk to other students or to her teacher. And, when she had homework to do, he would hover around, demand that they go and do something else, or even pick a fight. When it came to caring for the children, cooking or housework he left it for Dee to do. It wasn't as though he was working or busy providing for the family. He mostly sat around all day. He just objected to 255

Dee making changes in their routine, to having her own interests. He made it increasingly hard for her to keep going to school.

Dee ached and struggled for almost two years. She realized she wanted to keep trying, learning things, getting new skills so that she could be employed and the family could prosper. She became impatient with her husband, his stubborn unwillingness to help her, help the family, or help himself. He showed no interest in anything but the next chance for a drink. Her husband didn't want to know about what she was learning, resented her being away from home. He was content to go on living in a no hope way.

She couldn't help wondering what had attracted her to Josh. Dee married him when they were young, but when they reached their late twenties, he was still living like he was a teenager and had his mother to take care of him. Dee felt she could not remain with someone who she couldn't respect, and who wouldn't try to take care of his family. Dee and her husband split up. Her heart perhaps isn't yet healed. But, Dee knows she is stronger these days even when she is tired out from school. One day she knows she'll be able to provide well for the family. Going to school has already given her the rare experience of seeing another country. Dee keeps teaching her children to have hope.

Hugging Patricia, Dee encourages her to look at her situation, "Maybe it will work out for you. Obviously, he missed you while you were gone. Still, he's not bein' fair. He's the one who abandoned you. Like Mother says Patty, the children belong to their mother, the home belongs to the woman and her children. When men mess up., .behave as they do, women need to be strong and take care of what is theirs."

"I know, Dee. Some days are so confusin', and when I'm alone I'm lonely...," Patricia wipes away a tear. "Come on, let's eat that lunch you brought before it gets any colder!" The sisters step into the kitchen joining Lorena and her grandchildren as they spread plates, forks and knives on the table. 256

After lunch, the youngsters head for the TV set and a movie. Dee retrieves photographs from her shoulder bag and shows her mother one set after another of pictures of their tour stops. Between them, she and Patricia took multiple pictures with their digital camera of every building, rock, tree, or sign of interest. Lorena shakes her head, humbled and amazed that her girls walked on ground so far away on Mother Earth. No one else in her family has ever travelled such a great distance from home. Only in recent years have people from the reserve dreamed, dared or had the chance to see other parts of the world.

The picture images of Ireland look like old movies, with castles and cottages. There are pictures of imposing buildings grey with age, sacred stone churches, rolling vistas of green, steep hillsides roamed by sheep, and shorelines displaying an expanse of ocean wide as the sky outside her window. It is all so unlike the prairie where she has always lived. Her own spot on Mother Earth is her home and a known circle of territory, a few hours driving to the city or south to pow wows on other reserves. The windblown grasslands of the reserve are a different world from the aged cities and green craggy hills of Ireland her daughters show to her. She shudders at Dee and Patricia's stories of people, traffic and confined roads in Ireland. Her eyes grow large when they describe their fears, shaky steps getting around, and she laughs with them over mistakes interpreting Irish accents.

The sisters present Lorena with one favourite picture after another. Then gleefully, they show her photos of signs bearing the name of Gallagher.. .the same last name as their own. There are signs for pubs and restaurants operated by Gallaghers, grocery stores, law offices, a pharmacy, and Gallagher's Gifts. The name Gallagher is everywhere it seems. Lorena views the pictures with surprise mingled with wonder. Her family can point to connections on the other side of the world.

"So many! There are so many Gallaghers in Ireland?" Lorena shakes her head. "If they are our relatives, we are a big clan...a tribe! Did you talk to them?"

"Just one, we know we met." Dee says. She and Patricia understand their mother's wonder. Previously, they knew no one outside their family with their name. "We saw all 257 these signs, but mostly weren't stopping in those places. But one evening we left the hotel and went back to this pharmacy...was it Kill...Kill...Killarney, Patricia?"

"Maybe," Patricia replies. "We were in a different town or city every day. Probably, Killarney."

Dee explains, "We took the picture of the pharmacy, and we went in. I bought some sweets and stuff, and I used a charge card, eh? The woman, a young girl behind the counter looked at the card and looked at me, and back at the card. At first I thought, maybe she didn't trust a different lookin' card. Anyway, then she said 'Gallagher, where're you from?' I said Canada. She said she was a Gallagher, Mara Gallagher...and it was interesting to know there were Gallaghers in Canada, too. She said she could tell we were probably sisters, but she wouldn't have taken us for Irish! We laughed and said we're Blackfoot. She was real surprised."

"Yeah," Patricia adds, "The store wasn't busy, so we chatted. She had questions about Canada."

Recalling this conversation, Dee says, "She asked about Gallaghers here, too, whether it was a common name. We said the only Gallagher...possible relative...we knew about was a priest. She was even more surprised. She wondered if priests marry in Canada, and of course they don't. So, we tried to tell what we know 'bout the priest... Father Gallagher and us. Anyway, she was pretty okay 'bout sharing the name, and said whether we were blood relations or adopted the name, it was all good to be Gallaghers!"

"Not sure...are we good with it?" Patricia asks, then acknowledges, "I guess it's somethin' I'm used to...the name even if it isn't Blackfoot. 'Cause we were talking about priests, maybe a priest who didn't live the way the church wanted, he, the Irish girl even showed us a local paper with a story 'bout a priest dismissed from the priesthood in Ireland. Him.. .he was once a school principal. When he died the church was tryin' to bury him in secret. He was bad...molestin' boys. Apparently, he wasn't the only one." 258

"It shocked me to hear 'bout it in that country," Dee adds. "1 asked Mara if I could have the paper and she gave me the story. I've still got it here." Dee reaches for the article and pulls it from her shoulder bag. She scans the story reading aloud some parts to her mother and sister.

"This priest, Donal Collins was part of a group of twelve in one region who were found to be sexually abusing boys. The report.. .well, it's kind of an obituary.. .it says he and others 'were involved in hundreds of cases of child sex abuse in the diocese between 1962 and 2002.' It says the church promoted him to principal even though they knew what he was doin' and they moved him around to different places, like the States where no one knew him. When he was finally charged, he only ever served one year in prison. The story says 'he abused continuously and with determination' and that he cruelly 'abused the privilege, status and trust that he was given.'"

"There is nothin' told 'bout Father Gallagher abusin' children, right, just maybe havin' kids, right?" Patricia wants to confirm.

Lorena nods, disturbed by talk of priests and abuse of children.

Dee puts down the newspaper story, and glances at her mother. "While I've been taking university courses, I've heard about those things, abuse, assaults in residential schools on reserves. A few times I've heard about it, those inquiries mentioned on TV or the car radio. Then, I guessed it was only Indians those things were done to.. .that priests and maybe some teachers, they went after Indians. But I'm not sure I even know anyone who was bothered in residential school. Ernestine...I go to school with her...she never says anythin'. No one talks about it. Do you know anyone from residential school who was abused Mother?"

Lorena stares at the floor. She begins to tremble and seems unwilling to face her daughters. She nods once, "Yes, I know some...a few people. I was there in that 259 place.. .residential school, you knew.. .you knew it was happenin'. No one talks about it...what was done. We all were treated harshly, beaten for speakin' our language, whipped and degraded...for bein' Blackfoot. The white priests and nuns despised us, told us Indians was no good. They had all the power. In the middle of all that, these people, some of them...sneakin' around... the children. That was happenin' too. It happened. My friends. Other people. We knew. Night visits from the priest, some of the teachers. Along with other bad thin's, the priests and nuns taught us shame., .secrets and shame."

A storm of memories engulfs Lorena. As the girls watch, their mother slowly rocks back and forth in her chair, arms crossed protectively over her stomach. Shaken by their mother's words and her evident distress, Dee and Patricia feel tears spring to their eyes.

Dee quickly kneels by her mother's chair and wraps her arms around her. Lorena begins to cry and her crying gives way to muffled sobbing. Fearfully, Dee asks, "Did it happen to you too, Mother?"

Lorena wipes a hand across her tears. She speaks in a whisper, "Yes once, no twice. When I was small, one of the nuns liked to watch us dress and undress... used to play with my hair and tell me I was pretty, and hug me. Then she came one night and tried to take me to her room. My sister Grace was sleepin' in the next bed. She woke up and started screamin' like she had a nightmare. Everyone woke up in the wing of that buildin'. That nun, he put me back to bed... slapped Grace, though. Another night...tried again. Grace musta bin scared but she screamed even louder. That nun, he made both our lives a misery after that. Made us wash floors. Made us clean all the time. Made us go wit'out food. Hit us wit' the strap all the time. When Grace got sick, no help...no medicine. Grace got real sick. The nuns sent her away, to a sanatorium. She died a long way away. Grace probably saved me from bein' bothered by nuns."

Now that she has begun to speak, Lorena seems to want to tell what she has always kept secret from her family. "I know Grace saved me that time. When I was older, Grace was gone. I was twelve maybe, no one to save me. It wasn't a priest...a dentist. That one, 260 he saw to our teeth at the school...forced me.. .raped me. Another time, they tried to make me go to that dentist, I wouldn't go. I would never go. I remembered Grace and I screamed and fought. Made myself sick, threw up on them. Even now, huh, makes me sick, makes me sick to go to a dentist."

Dee and Patricia encircle their mother with their arms and hold on while she dabs at her eyes. After a pause, Lorena hugs her daughters. "These thin's that were done, they make me ashame in my life. They were bad. Then, when I got to be a mother, I didn't want my children in that place.. .needin' to be ashame. That old school, it was when you was little... the only one on the reserve and the law, the police said all children had to go to school. But the law didn't say anymore that I had to let you live there. That's why you girls never lived in residential school. Your father and me. ..we wasn't goin' to let you live in residential school. You only went there durin' the day. You never went anywhere outside school wit'out me., .never wit' those priests and nuns. And, you never went to the dentist wit'out either your father or me."

Holding onto their mother, the sisters are devastated by her description of her experience, of assaults and daily cruelty. While their own early schooling exposed them to systematic verbal abuse and rough treatment, somehow they did not meet with all the harms dwelling in their mother's memory. They feel blessed to have been protected in some ways by their mother and do their best now to comfort her in the face of sorrow and pain which is surfacing and overwhelms her. Mother and daughters mourn together, tears running down their faces.

"Why you cry, Mom?" Cassie and her cousin, their movie ended come to find the adults. Discovering them all in tears, Dee and Patricia's daughters trot over and join in the group hug. Lorena's arms gather her daughters and grandchildren. "Well, here is the next generation." She lifts a granddaughter one to each knee. The little girls pat her face moist with tear drops, making her smile. Happy with the results they are achieving, the two little ones continue patting their grandmother's cheeks and chin again and again, and then begin 261

work on Dee and Patricia's faces. Their tiny fingers chase falling tears. Lorena, Dee and Patricia shake their heads and start to chuckle.

Lorena holds her loved ones close, "My daughters, my granddaughters, my family, you are my gifts from the Creator. Remember daughters to always guard these little gifts. Keep them safe!"

Overcome by her mother's story, Dee respects her bravery, her survival in the face of torment. Hearing about assimilation, coercion and the abuse that her elders met with is hurtful. But, knowing that these great harms came to her own mother, strangles her heart. She knows she would do anything to keep her own and other children from similar violence and injury. Children need safety, homes and schools where they can be taught by kind people who cherish them and teach them to be proud of who they are. The community has to have the power to ensure the children are cared for and can grow up to be capable and strong.

Dee believes there can be no sacrifice too great to protect her family. When she considers the struggles of getting an education as an adult, studying unknown subjects in university classes, trying to figure out what so many instructors want her to learn, long long days of working, trying to figure out books and strange academic language, linear ways of learning, while coping with household chores and worrying how to keep food on the table... all of this seems like something she knows she can survive. All of this is worth the struggle, if Dee, her family and someday her people, can secure rights and opportunities, necessary knowledge and power over their own lives. Then they.. .one day.. .can hope to keep the children protected from the worst of the harmful spirits loose in the world.

ft******************* 262

Origin of the Prairie Rose

When the world was young and people had not come out yet no flowers bloomed on the prairie. Everything was dull; the grass and the bushes were all the same colour. Mother Earth felt sad because her robe lacked brightness and beauty.

Mother Earth dreamed about many beautiful flowers and the thought of them warmed her heart. She dreamed of flowers in many colours, blue like the sky, white like the snow, red like the soil, pink like the rocks, and glowing yellow like the sun. She said to herself "I am sad to think of my dull robe. I would be happy with the colours offlowers on my robe. "

One of the small yellow flowers of Earth's dreams heard how sad she sounded and said to her, "Do not be sad Mother Earth. I will go upon your robe and make it beautiful. "

So the little yellow flower came up from Mother Earth's heart, through the dark ground and bloomed on the prairie. But the North Wind Spirit discovered the little flower setting down roots in the prairie grasses. The North Wind Spirit roamed noisily wherever he wanted. He became angry at the presence of a flower in his path. "I will not have this flower in my playground" he growled. The North Wind rushed at the yellow flower, roaring and howling and blew out her life. The spirit of the little yellow flower returned to the heart of Mother Earth.

Mother Earth was sad that her robe was drab again. This time a small blue flower bravely went from her heart to the prairie making Earth's robe beautiful. The blue flower lived for a short time until the North Wind Spirit saw it. He became enraged once more at the flower growing in his playground. Again he swooped down shouting and roaring and blew out her life. The spirit of the blue flower found its way back to the heart of Mother Earth.

Then the white flower gained the courage to go forth to the prairie and face the North Wind Spirit to beautify Mother Earth's robe, but the raging spirit killed it also. The spirit of the white flower returned to the heart of Mother Earth.

At last a Prairie Rose offered to go. Mother Earth agreed that the Prairie Rose should go. "You are so lovely and your breath so fragrant that surely the North Wind Spirit will let you stay on the prairie. " Prairie Rose made the long journey from the heart of Mother Earth up to the dull prairie. When North Wind Spirit saw her, he shouted at Prairie Rose, "Go away pretty one, I don't want you here. I will blow out your life. "

North Wind Spirit rushed towards Prairie Rose, drawing in gusts of breath to blow. As he came closer he caught the beautiful scent of Prairie Rose. North Wind Spirit breathed in the perfume of the persistent pink Prairie Rose and did not kill her. Instead he told the flower, "I do not have it in my heart to blow out the life of a brave and beautiful maiden like you with such a sweet breath. Stay here with me. I will not howl or roar; I will make my voice gentle and sing sweet songs. I will give you a shawl of sharp thorns to 263 protect you from any harm. " The North Wind Spirit became quiet. He hummed little songs and sent gentle breezes over the prairie.

Mother Earth was filled with joy that the Prairie Rose was not destroyed. The sweetness, courage and spirit of the flower changed the North Wind Spirit. He allowed the spirits of all the other flowers to come up from the heart of Mother Earth and spread across the grasses of the prairie. The robe of Mother Earth was soon lovely beyond telling, glowing with all the colours of the flowers. Even the North Wind Spirit came to love and appreciate the blossoms growing among the grasses of the prairie. Sometimes the North Wind Spirit does forget his gentle songs and becomes loud andfierce. But his loudness does not last long. And he does not harm a person whose robe is the colour of Prairie Rose. (52) 264

DeeDee

Paddle Song

Throughout the night awake am I, throughout the night awake am I, upon the river of school work awake am I. (53)

******

"Dee, Oki. Have you read this book yet? This.. .Roughing It In The Bush? Don't we have to have it read by Friday?" Rachel speaks in a rush, school pressures already building. Dee just found Rachel in one of the quieter rooms in the Native Centre, getting some reading done. Barely three weeks into courses, they're scrambling to finish assigned chapters and books.

Dee looks at the book, Rachel is holding in her hand. "Yeah, I started to read it on the weekend. I've got a lot of pages to go," Dee acknowledges. "I'll have to do it after the kids go to bed tonight and tomorrow. Plus, I've got two chapters in Soc, a response paper and a bunch of reading in Aboriginal Lit. At least, that's mostly interesting readin'."

"I guess," Rachel grudgingly admits, her face a mask of doubt, "but I thought this course would be about Native writers. Instead we are readin' stuff written by immigrants who think they are havin' a tough time of it."

"Eeaah!" Dee laughs, understanding Rachel's frustration. "When I saw the course on Canadian and Native writing...Literature, I thought the same. The Canadian part seems all written by dead white people. That 'Roughing It' book is about the bush...maybe tough for us prairie Indians, eeeaaah! The course outline, it says the Native writers we start to read in a couple weeks." 265

Rachel scowls at the text in her hand, "The writer of this book complains a lot.. .moans how hard her life is. She doesn't seem to like very much. Why did she come here to be miserable? All she seems to do is 'lament.'" Rachel's annoyance with the perspective of the author of Roughing It In the Bush, Susanna Moodie, makes it hard for her to keep reading.

Dee sympathizes with Rachel's view of the book and writer. "It's strange, people comin' here, didn't want to be here. They wanted what they had in England or wherever. They wanted everything to be the same, eh? This Moodie writer, I noticed... she didn't like Irish people emigratin' either. It backs up what I learned in Ireland, that the English in colonialism thought they were the best. ..others were barely human. She calls them 'savages' and 'drunks.' The strange thing is she doesn't call the Indians that... just 'wild' or 'children.'"

"She was too busy complainin' about her new life to bother about us childish Indians," Rachel makes a face. She wonders, "English people don't like Irish people? They're all white people."

"Mmmh," Dee considers, "I think it's both ways, mutual. Some better nowadays. It goes back to history colonialism...I mentioned when I was tellin' about Ireland, before eh? The English invaded Ireland and the Irish have been fighting for independence for a long time...centuries."

"They're all white people and with the same language," Rachel argues. "They seem all the same!"

"They have a lot the same I think," Dee tilts her head. "After I went to Ireland I could see there must be some differences, kind of like the Blackfoot. Siksika and Kainai are different Blackfoot. We're different from the Cree or the Stoney, eh? Different tribes, different peoples! Eh? The way the Irish tell it they had their own culture, language...the 266

English colonized them. Just like everyone from Europe...other parts of the world... colonized us...keep on colonizing us."

Dee thinks about what she'd learned on her trip. "The Irish, they talk about their history lots. From what people said at the museums...Ireland had many invasions, some tribes from ancient Britain... others, Celts and Vikings from parts of Europe. They mention the Vikings. You can tour Dublin in a Viking type boat...but it is the British invasion... invasions...they remember and talk about."

"You mean they invaded more than once?" Rachel inquires. "When the English came here they never left.. .1 don't think they'll leave now, either. They've got it too good."

Dee nods agreeing, "The Irish say the British had it pretty good there in their country, too. Some of the British invasions happened in the 1100 hundreds, then in the 1500's, 1600's. They took more land and control away from the Irish each time. For about 200 years between 1800 and 1990 they've been fighting on and off in parts of Ireland... people against British control. They only got independence in Ireland after World War I...in the south. The guide said the British still control the North...Northern Ireland, Ulster.

"They still don't get along?" Rachel says surprised.

"Do you know I heard someone set off a bomb there not long after our tour was there. It was calm and beautiful when I was travellin,' though in the cities I saw places there once was fighting. But that bomb...it was a scary thing to hear...think about! So, some of the Irish are still fightin'...but they mostly fight other Irish now. It's pretty complicated. The guide said some people are Catholic and some are Protestant...like Anglican, or whatever. They fight about control in government and jobs."

"You know, I sometimes wonder if our people need to fight," Rachel muses. "...You know, to get more...freedom, not to be colonized and assimilated. Still, I don't want my sons or anybody's children to be in a war, to have to fight or be killed. Then, I 267 think we have to fight in other ways.. .the way we.. .our people...are doing it now, in court, or being in school, learnin' to be in the Whiteman's world, stayin' Blackfoot, bringin' up our kids to be proud of who they are."

"It's strange, we know white people here, other people who've been immigrants, they're friends...not enemies," Dee considers. "Still, colonialism means...we need to know our enemy.. .to understand their ways, their thinkin'.. .why they do things as they do. If we know the white world, we can find a better way for the community I think, to defend ourselves, our rights and do things the best for ourselves. Understanding these people we can function better in the off-reserve world. I want my kids to be able to survive in the white world and know they are Siksika, with culture and traditions."

Rachel shakes her head, "I want my children to have a positive future as Blackfoot. I don't want them to face racism daily or be trapped and poor like most people on reserve."

Realizing that her experiences in Ireland and what she has seen and heard give her a new understanding of history and politics Dee tells Rachel, "I don't see a war like the Irish people had, so many years fightin'. They have not recovered, those people. In Canada the country is too big. How could we get all the Indians to be together...want the same things? First we'd have to fight the white people and then the Asian people, and then all those other immigrants who keep comin'. All those immigrants who have more rights than we do. Our people need to be in control of their lives, get out from under colonialism. We need the opportunities everybody else has. I found out the Irish lost their rights too. To get them back., .they fought some, but they negotiated, pushed in politics too. Do you know when they invaded, the British passed laws against the Irish like they did against Indians?"

"Holy! Did they have an Indian Act running their lives? No...really?" Rachel is intrigued.

"They didn't call it that. They said 'Penal Laws.' Don't ask me why they called it that. The laws against the Irish.. .took their land away... wouldn't let Irish people be in 268 government or vote. ..wouldn't let them be educated, tried to make them stop being the Roman Catholic or Presbyterian religion. They weren't allowed to do certain kinds of work, marry who they wanted or even live in a town, sometimes. It sounds something like an Indian Act...taking land and rights away, pushing us onto reserves and keeping Indians from being free. Laws making us change. For some reason, they tried to keep Irish people from going to school. Indian people, they put in schools and they made us go to their religion. They made a lot of us Catholics. That's pretty strange ...different than what they did to the Irish, 'though they tried to make them another Christian religion."

"They did all that to other white people? If the Irish got their rights back, why'd they leave Ireland...why'd they come here?" Rachel is baffled.

Pausing, Dee recollects for a moment, reviewing the stories she's heard and seen enacted on the trip. Some of the details of foreign places, events and stories return to her, "Uuh, oh yeah, cause they got their rights back in the 1900's and most of the Irish who came to Canada and the States left Ireland a long time before that. With those laws over their lives...and maybe wantin' chances for...somethin' better, Irish people started leavin' more than a couple of hundred years back. I visited a harbour where emigrant ships sailed from. The tour guy said lots of people went to the 'new world' two, three hundred years ago. Then there was a bad famine...maybe, in the 1840's. Their potato crops were rotten or didn't grow. Everybody used to grow and eat potatoes, so the people - the poor ones - were starvin'. I heard over a million died and maybe a million were shipped away durin' the famine. The British who were runnin' Ireland wouldn't help the people, and the landowners wouldn't help their workers either, 'though they paid the cost of goin' away on a ship for starvin' people... so they wouldn't have to feed or shelter them."

As she talks, the stories come more easily, and Dee begins sharing one of her travel experiences with Rachel.

"The tour guide took us on a ship like the ones they used for emigration. A famine ship he called it. It was really small. He said three hundred people would be on the ship, but 269 it was crowded with only a few of us on the tour. They had some actors tellin' the stories of real people who went on the ship. One was a woman with a new baby.. .she had four or five children. They were already starvin' when they were put on the boat by their landlord, and kept starved on the boat, too, for months while they crossed the ocean. Everyone was pukin' and seasick, livin' surrounded by vomit and swimmin' in crap in this tiny closed in compartment. They got other sicknesses on top of that. This woman...her husband died on the boat and was buried in the ocean. She didn't have much hope for her family survivin'."

"Quite a few of those Irish musta made it alive," Rachel makes light of any sympathies.

Dee snorts a laugh, acknowledging Rachel's tone and perspective on the impact of emigration on the lives of First Nations people.

When she stops laughing, Dee adds, "There was another actor who told her story of bein' a wealthy person on the ship. She thought she was a lot better than the poor woman and her family. She had money and knew people. She said there were opportunities when she got to Canada. Susannah Moodie was probably like her. The well off woman...her...she got more food for her family and better space, and could go on the deck of the ship. The starvin' Irish Catholics got next to no time on the deck for air, and the children had no place to play. On the ships leavin' Ireland, lots died (others lived, I guess). ..the trip sounded a nightmare. I'm glad when I went to Ireland I didn't have to go by that kind of boat. An airplane can make me nervous, but the rest of it wasn't like that boat!"

Reflecting on these stories, Dee mentions, "I saw another place where an artist built a memorial of a famine ship. It was like it was made of skeletons! The Irish talk a lot on how the British treated them... how many millions of people the country lost from people dying or leavin', lots more dying on the ships." 270

Gloomily Rachel notes, "Well, even if millions of Irish didn't make it here alive on the boats, there are millions of them now, and millions of English, millions of French, millions of others. They all got together to take our land away."

"You're right, Rachel. You know... did you take that Canadian History course at the College? On the prairie, they... the government, starved our people. When Indians on the plains had a famine because the buffalo were disappearing thanks to white people and Metis people, the government forced the Chiefs and Elders to sign treaties and surrender the land. They wouldn't help to keep Indian people from starvin' unless they gave up the land.. .unless they went onto reserves."

"I guess it doesn't matter whether you are Indian or Irish, brown or white, if the people with power want what you have," Rachel says bitterly. "It's true, Indian people have to grow strong again, so we can't be pushed around and starved anymore."

"I think we have a long way to go," Dee frowns. "The courses we are takin' - some of them, eh - talk on colonialism, how it is still goin' on, how it can be in everything. The treaty signers were forced to quit their way of life, lose their culture, many of their values, beliefs., .now there are many forced changes to overcome. I'm proud that the Siksika aren't assimilated, we are findin' ways to keep on goin'."

"I guess colonialism was the same in some ways for the Irish 'savages' too. This writer, Susanna Moodie called them savages back when she wrote her book. I know you told us about their language Dee, but do you think the people in Ireland are findin' ways of healing from that time?" Rachel asks.

Dee considers, "Well, to see the country, you wouldn't know about colonialism right off. The Irish people live everywhere now...towns, cities, farms. There are no reserves. But like Indians, they were once robbed and degraded. They say there was poverty everywhere. Now you don't see it. Not like some places on the reserves. A lot of places and homes in Ireland don't look poor. The people have lives, money.. .and they 271 make their own laws and government. They run their own lives in the South at least, without being a colony."

"We still have reserves. We still don't have any money!"Rachel observes the contrast.

Dee shakes her head, "For us, First Nations, the government still has all the power. Only knowin' that are Siksika people, other Natives, going to get out from under colonialism. If we want to help our people we have to keep learnin' more.. .how colonialism works, how the government laws limit us and how we can change those laws. Knowin' this I want to keep goin' to school. Lately, I can't decide. I've always been sure I wanted to teach...now sometimes, I wonder if I should be a lawyer."

"Law school, Dee? More hard work! I know you can do it if you want." Rachel responds to Dee's dreams of possibilities and choices. "Why don't you just run for chief?"

"Eeaah! Maybe I'll go to law school and be chief, too," Dee declares, then groans. "First though, I better get some readin' done and my paper started."

"Okay, you be chief, and I'll run for council." Rachel enthuses, about the future, how the two of them might serve the people and find new ways to heal the community.

"You know," Rachel adds, "I guess the people in this book, Susanna Moodie and her family, they were wealthier than those poor Irish you're tellin' me about. Comin' here, no matter, they wanted what they left behind... British and Irish. They must have had to make changes. When they wanted everything the same, it couldn't be. They had to find a new way to live, if they were gonna survive. I wonder what changed for Susannah Moodie, why she started to like it here? All those people comin' to settle here musta ended up likin' our land...look at how many are still here, how many keep coming!" Reality can be hard to escape. Rachel yawns and turns back to her book. "Eeeaah!" Rachel gives a short laugh at 272 her own reluctance to get on with her course reading, "Maybe I'll find out if Susannah Moodie stayed...how come she survived. I'll just get it done!"

"I've gotta read my Soc chapters this afternoon, but I'm gonna need a coffee in about a half hour, okay?" Dee and Rachel open their books.

******************** 273

Cycle IV

Stories of Change

Wisakidjak Outstrips the Wind (Part 3)

Wisakidjak decides to join the English literature class he discovered as a replacement professor. The original instructor is keen to have someone teach his classes while he does research for his new book. In class Wisakidjak delights in the unfamiliar stories the students are studying. He likes to share some of his favourite Wisakidjak tales, too.

One day his students ask him about their midterm exam. Exams don't fit in with what Wisakidjak knows about stories. In fact unless much of his knowledge is with his missing particles, Wisakidjak is pretty sure he has no recollections of anything called exams. Wisakidjak inquires from his students how they believe exams work. They tell him he must ask questions based on what he is teaching, for which they write answers, and then he marks their papers and gives each person a grade. Wisakidjak spots a catch right away. "How many papers need to be marked?" he asks.

His students respond, "Everybody's work has to be marked!"

Right away Wisakidjak has a solution. He assures his students, "There will be no exams in my course. Everyone will just shares stories."

Most students react with delight, until someone anxiously queries, "How will we be graded then?"

Wisakidjak says, "There will be no grades!" 274

The 'A' students begin to grumble, "But what about our averages? The University figures out our averages. If we don't have grades they can't be factored in. Our scholarships could be in jeopardy... we might not get into graduate school!"

"Well, what kind of grade do you want for your average?"Wisakidjak impatiently replies.

"A's and B+'s of course...they're the top grades."

"Then, everyone take an 'A.' Let's tell some stories," Wisakidjak tries to steer the talk to what matters to him.

"But that means everyone gets the same grade! Everyone may not do the same level of work!" the English majors protests.

"Right, we all blossom, differently," Wisakidjak agrees. "You need a grade, you get a grade and we can concentrate on sharing our stories. That's what I need...that's what's important."

Lots of Wisakidjak's students seem fine with his decision, but several of the high achievers glower with dissatisfaction. The English majors exchange worried looks.

When it comes to stories Wisakidjak sees that his students enjoy hearing stories, like reading stories, but seldom create and share stories out loud. They don't have much practice or the knowledge from the stories the old ones tell either. Wisakidjak begins to lose interest in his class when his students expect him to do all the talking. They insist on hearing what he thinks, and his analysis of the stories they are reading, and studying.

Wisakidjak students pestered him with questions. Every day there are more. The students inquire about thesis, plot, characterization, imagery, allegory, analogies, arguments, levels of meaning, anachronisms and archetypes. They ask about conflict and 275 climax, dialogue, discourse and doggerel, emotive language, metaphors, juxtapositions, personifications, postmodernisms and dramatic irony. Deciphering everything disturbs Wisakidjak's penchant to be immersed in story. He tells his students to pay attention, listen, observe, make connections, if they want to learn. Why should he have to do the thinking for them? Wisakidjak leaves class early most days.

Then the Head of the English Department confronts Wisakidjak in his office one morning. Word is out that everyone is getting an 'A.' Students, other staff and University authorities are objecting. Wisakidjak is told the department can't condone equality or deviation from the system and standards. This is heresy. He is to require work from students which he has to mark, assign grades, and submit them to the department and the University.

Wisakidjak isn't interested in the department head's talk of systems. Wisakidjak only hears, "Blah, blah, blah." Wisakidjak is fed up. First the students harass him over grades and worry him for answers and literary criticism, now he's being told to work within the system. He has no interest in anyone else's wants or wishes. The Department Head is left talking to the air. Wisakidjak moves on.

a|e4ca|e3|e9fea|ea|cj|e4ca|ea|ea|e3|ea|ea|c3|e4e9|e9|Ba|c 276

Andy

A Nation is Coming A nation is coming, a nation is coming. The birds have brought the message to the tribe. Father sun says so, Father sun says so. Over the whole earth they are coming. The seventh generation is coming, the seventh is coming, The crow has brought the message to the tribe, Father sun says so, Father sun says so. (54)

******

The bird darting high overhead in a cloudless sky catches Andy's attention. It is not the usual crow or magpie. Andy pauses in his route across campus to watch its course and marvel as it swoops back to its nest. This falcon could be him, a fellow being trapped in the confines of the city. Well, perhaps not trapped exactly, Andy tells himself. But, it's remarkable for a bird like this to be living in an urban area and making its home on the ledge of some cold concrete building. Yet, here it is raising its young, hunting the skies, eking out a life amid a forest of towers and glass. The falcon balances on the nest, its head swivels as its sharp eye surveys the scene before the bird launches itself once more into the air. Andy thinks, "Good hunting, swift brother."

He realizes he must be speaking aloud when an adolescent student brushing past, shoots him an odd look. Andy chuckles and resumes his steps toward his next class. It is his final semester in his fourth year and his classes are going well, topping off a year in which he has approached university differently.

The major alteration was moving his family to Calgary. When he came to university, he didn't want to disrupt his family. It's turned out to be a good thing for everyone. His wife and children are with him, they see how hard he is working every day. His son Blake brings school homework to the table at night and studies beside Andy. At bedtime Andy, is almost always there to tuck Blake and daughter Jessica into bed. He and Cindy can share responsibilities and support each other during this changed life in Calgary. 277

Cindy has a leave from her job for the year, but occasionally takes temporary reception and secretarial work to help with money. Their First Nation increased Andy's living allowance which lets him afford a small two bedroom unit in the student family housing complex. It's crowded, but no one seems to mind after nearly two school years apart. Andy can walk to campus, saving money on gas and parking.

The children appear to like their new school and are surrounded at home with the children of other student families. In the complex, families share meals once in awhile, childcare and neighbourly support. Sometimes, his family goes home to the reserve for long weekends and other times they relax in Calgary with family entertainments. Before, it seemed that Andy spent every weekend on the road, driving home and then back to Calgary or farming with his father then studying through his fatigue, late at night. His father finally urged Andy to move the family to Calgary so that he could manage additional courses and finish his studies more quickly. Harold said to Andy, "This drivin' back and forth...is too hard. Your family needs you. Go finish your school...then see about the farm, if you still want it."

Although he is carrying a fourth course in each semester of his final year, Andy realizes he is less stressed than when he was without his family and travelling every weekend. While Andy and the family are adjusting to city dwelling, his younger brother is doing some farming with their father. He's also followed Andy into rodeo. Now, Andy wonders whether his brother may go to university some day, too.

Living in Calgary, Andy is more engaged in The Native Centre and student activities. In addition to his studying there between classes, he's part of the Student Association executive. In his first adventure in politics he was elected to a key position. He and the other members of the Student Association sometimes talk about changing the structure of their organization to make it more Native, perhaps they should be chief and councilors rather than president and vice-presidents. The executive is like many other things layered over by Euro-Canadian ways of operating. The executive strives nonetheless 278 to be egalitarian in its interactions with students, working to achieve consensus where possible when it conies to decision making.

Andy takes responsibility for cultural and spiritual activities, bringing elders into the Centre for students, to offer smudging, private prayers, pipe-ceremonies for groups, and speakers for cultural discussions. Also in the Centre, students trade stories about their own communities and often exchange details of cultural similarities and differences.

International students from Europe and other parts of the world come to the Native Centre in order to learn about First Nations peoples. Frequently, they connect with Andy, and he is surprised to realize how open minded are these students. They are far more interested, have fewer stereo-types and negative attitudes towards Native North Americans compared to his encounters with his fellow Canadian students.

The Native Centre social activities, potlucks, speakers and Bingo's include Andy's wife and children. There are also family outings, picnics or barbeques with socializing and games or sports. Andy and his children especially enjoy attending storytelling times. Once in awhile, new babies come to be introduced to the Native students' community and staff. Sometimes, babysitting happens. Andy and Cindy let their friends know they are available to help. They like others, volunteer for all kinds of Native student events, whether it's a mini-powwow, a friend's traditional wedding or a Christmas party for the children. Although all the students have left most of their relatives back on the reserve or in other provinces, isolation is broken when they join in the community at the Centre.

Over the years at university, knowing there was a Centre and Native peers nearby made Andy's time on campus more bearable. Even dreaded group work seems less stressful when Andy brings his groups to do their planning in a study room at the Centre. The space is comfortable and he's the one sharing his turf. The other students appreciate his ability to find them a quiet place to work together without having to compete against space demands, noise or the hectic life elsewhere on campus. In his final term, Andy is able to have some fun with the two groups he's part of in his last couple of Political Science courses. His 279 senior studies bring great chances to focus on political and social concerns relating to Native communities and populations. He's exploring ideas that matter to him.

One group is preparing a presentation on the Indian Act and Treaties, and everyone is enthusiastic, informed and hard working. Andy's personal perspective of being subject to the Act, is valued and respected. The second group is preparing for a debate as members of a mock government parliament. While they prepare, this group shares lots of humour although they are addressing another difficult topic, Aboriginal land claims. The members tease each other and laugh while still working energetically to create an advocacy position for Native peoples. Both these different course groups formed based on a shared interest in First Nations affairs. Andy revels in the experience in his final year of knowing non-Native students in his major who are so knowledgeable and care about First Nations issues. He counts as friends these fellow students who are eager to listen to, argue for and defend Aboriginal points of view.

******************** 280

DeeDee

Prayers to the Sun Look on us where we are going, Father! Take care of us, Father! Father! Take care of our road. Take care of us! .. .Make me happy, Father! You have given me too much misfortune. (55)

DeeDee, Rachel, and Gloria climb into Jennifer's van once more for the trip to the university. Although it's winter term, Chinooks have swept the highway of snow and ice the last few weeks. It means they can travel safely and in good time. There's an unusual quiet in the van...a feeling of emptiness.

DeeDee sighs, "I miss Ernestine."

The others agree emphatically, and Jennifer adds, "That's for sure."

Gloria asks, "When's she coming back?"

Rachel indicates, "Soon I hope. I got her some notes from Canadian Studies...want to give them to her."

DeeDee tells the others what she knows, "I talked to her a couple of days ago. She's still gettin' chemo and some radiation. She's feelin' lousy 'cause of that.. .tired lots of the time...fairly nauseous. She wants to try comin' to classes one day next week."

"She must be feelin' rotten!" Jennifer sympathizes.

"It's not fair!" Rachel suggests. 281

"Is she keepin' her classes? Isn't it better if she drops them... so she won't fail?" Gloria worries for Ernestine.

"She's worked so hard...been tryin' to get her degree for years. Three times now...here she gets sick with cancer!" Rachel exclaims, "I'll keep takin' notes for her!"

"Thanks, Rachel. I know she appreciates the help. She was gonna drop some of her classes... maybe take them in the spring.. .but her professors.. .she says they've encouraged her not to quit or drop out. Instead they told her to defer papers.. .postpone her midterms. Her professors are supportin' her. She says the students in her classes...lots of them like you Rachel.. .are offerin' assistance with notes, summaries of readings. It's pretty amazin in senior classes. The people turn out to be human beings. When she met with her class three weeks ago, she said lots of the people hugged her.. .cried with her. You know Ernie...she's stubborn...she's strong. With everyone behind her...she'll keep fightin'. She won't be givin' up," DeeDee assures the women.

"She better not! We depend on her to keep the rest of us going," Jennifer agrees.

"If you want, Rachel, I can take the notes to her. I'm going over to her place tomorrow," DeeDee offers. "If you've got them with you, I can take them.. .or I can get 'em later?"

"I'll give 'em to you after class tonight, so she'll have 'em up to date," Rachel agrees.

Conversation turns to other things, school stresses and personal stories. "Eh, Gloria...how's the handsome dude from Fort Chip doin'? Have you caught him, yet?" Rachel teases.

Gloria blushes and laughs, "He's doin' the chasin', Rachel! We broke up last spring.. .eh.. .he was goin' back home. I'm a wide open spaces prairie Indian. Living in the 282 bush doesn't interest me. He was seein' a white girl for awhile back in the fall.. .but I guess he's still fancies me. We're datin' some again. We'll see. When he graduates.. .engineering jobs are mostly in the city. Fort Chip's too far from the prairie and the big city for me and my girl. We're kinda settled here, eh?"

"Will still fancies Gloria...who can blame him?" Dee comments. "Maybe you can convert him Gloria...teach him to love your rollin' hills..."

Shouting with laughter, Gloria's friends happily dream up suggestions of scenery and body parts for Will to appreciate. Before they can plague her with more teasing, Gloria asks, "Eh, Jennifer, how's your girl? You were worrying about her., .wearing all black, putting headless dolls and black candles in her room...listenin' to depressing music. Is she still doin that?"

"Uuh...she was doin' that for months. I was at my wit's end...didn't know how I could get her out of that. It was so unhealthy...and she was sneakin' off with friends drinkin'...maybe sniffin' glue...other stuff. She's so young, eh, and she was tryin' to destroy herself. I was so upset. Her Dad went away to Europe...with the cultural group. He won't be back, soon. I tried talkin' to her, but she wouldn't talk to me. She's my fancy dancer and she wouldn't talk to me," Jennifer confides in her friends.

"It gets tougher and tougher with kids...the teenage years. I didn't want to talk to my mother when I was a teenager..." Rachel recalls.

"Nowadays with drugs and booze.. .it's too easy for kids to slip away...or get hurt," Dee considers. "My kids won't be teenagers for a little while...it's still a worry."

Jennifer is not looking unhappy despite concerns for her children. Gloria probes, "Has anything changed, Jen? You're soundin' as though somethin' may have changed?" 283

"Yeah, it's all changed!" Jennifer announces proudly. "I tried some things...I applied some of what I learned in my senior psych course...and things are so much better!"

"Tell us Jen. We're all parents with soon to be teenagers. We made need to know. What'd did you do?" Dee inquires seriously.

"Well, you know, I considered what might have gone wrong...we'd been growin' apart a lot. I've been strict with her. My mother was strict with me...it seemed the right thing to do, eh? Now, I know from all our courses...some of the ways we have.. .are what residential school taught my Mom. The way I was raised, that's how I was raisin' my daughters...strict and abusive. In Psyc, I was studyin' about healing, therapies, theories...methods. I thought, the way to get my daughter to change...well, I needed to change too. While my husband's been away, my baby's been stayin' in my bed. But, I decided, to have my oldest girl be the baby for awhile and shifted her into my room with me, sleepin' in my bed. At night I'd talk to her and cuddle her like she was a baby.

Over a few days she started to accept talkin' to me. She finally let me know she resented being yelled at and treated roughly as a kid. I knew it was true. All those brutal lessons from residential school...I was passing them on to my kids. I didn't see it before. I thought I was on a good path, teachin' them Blackfoot culture...but deep down, I was teachin' them they were unworthy. Now we talk. I've changed...she's changed. I show respect to her and my little one. We respect each other. We can talk. She's findin' out I do think she's worthy and she's loved. She's more confident and is makin' new friends and discoverin' all the fine things she can do with her life. I've even talked to her about goin' to university some day. Her room is back to lookin' like a girl's pretty place. No more black!"

Dee, Rachel and Gloria hear Jennifer's story feeling a mixture of pain and joy as tears moisten their eyes.

"Jen, that's a miracle... like magic, eh? You made some magic happen. If I need a cure for my kids I may call you," Dee suggests to Jennifer. 284

Jennifer laughs lightly in response. "Eaah. Not magic precisely...but healing...and change. Maybe the miracle is bein' able to use this knowledge I'm learning at university. It makes me feel it's all worth it. I hope I will use more of it in other ways too. I've talked to my mother some now about residential school. I think I'm makin' our relationship better too. And, I've got my girls thinkin' about stayin' in school...lookin' at the world as a place they have a right to be in. I tell them they have the ability to accomplish whatever they set out to do."

"That's one of my goals," Rachel agrees, "To keep my boys in school, so they'll have a future."

"Me too," Dee adds. "My boys and my girl...we always talk now about them going to university when they're grown up."

Everyone nods. There are prospects for their families now which they hadn't dreamed of short years ago when they started out as students. Now it is possible to imagine so many good things happening for their children.

"You know," DeeDee muses, "one of the worries about goin' to university was becomin' white. I don't feel it's turned out that way. I know more about the world. I know more about being Blackfoot than I ever did before. I'm stronger...cope a lot better with life, I think."

"Me too, Dee," Jennifer agrees. "School hasn't been easy...anything but. Still, I've learned so much and though the university way of thinking is a struggle, confusing. ..you know.. .there were lots of times I just wanted to disagree with how professors and books looked at the world and picked apart everything in it. But, if you persevere, keep studyin', keep your eyes and ears open, then sometimes it starts to come together and you find some of the same ideas. It surprised me, but overjoyed me, when my professors started teaching about qualitative studies. It was astounding to discover Blackfoot ideas and university 285 research could actually meet. I could see there were connections! Then I knew it was gonna be okay. I was gonna be okay. I could push through and find more connections and agreement even though the cultures seem so separate ...conflicting."

Dee likes Jennifer's observation, "It's true Jen, and it can take a lot of searching and keeping an open mind. University can make you value Blackfoot ways even more, because it makes you compare and think about the differences. I understand both cultures better, and I can be glad I'm Blackfoot, but now, I'm comfortable around white people.. .1 can talk to them, and fit in with other people, be okay in society cause I know what's goin' on. I can be part of society, if I want."

On arriving at the university, they leave the car in the parkade and move as a group towards the Native Centre, ready for coffee before class. In a flurry of wings a host of magpies and crows fill the branches of the trees along the campus sidewalk. The crows quoark and caw loudly at Dee and the others while the magpies rasp. The noisy busybodies on their trail sound unusually happy. DeeDee calls out to their feathered shadows, "Good day birds. It's a good day. We're gonna have a good day."

******************** 286

Andy

Brave Song

I boast the bold heart with spirit, I brave the battle bound on success, I who go forth to excel. I boast of challenges met, I go forth to blaze the trail, And you shall follow, and you shall follow my path. (56)

******

It was a semester until Andy would graduate, then it was a couple of months and suddenly it's just weeks. He's looked forward to this ever since he returned to college and embarked on university courses. During his last few days at university, Andy is asked to meet with a group of adult students from a northern reserve on a tour of the university. Andy has met with such groups before, from all around Alberta. He knows they have lots of questions and he tries to share his experience, to give them a picture of the opportunities in this place.

A soft spoken young woman is the first to respond to Andy's offer to take questions, "Uuuh, Andy.. .where were you living.. .what were you doing before you came here to the university?"

Andy grins. He likes to surprise strangers who think he's from the city, "I was livin' on my reserve.. .like you folks. I was into rodeo in a big way, earning a living and travellin' to rodeos, down to Texas and Albuquerque, all around. I got injured, eh ...my arm. Rodeo was out, so I decided to go back to school and there was a programme on my reserve where I could start university."

Several of these prospective students of the future look impressed by his rodeo history. Andy explains, "Here, it's a university style rodeo. Amazingly, I'll soon be done! I can't say it hasn't been the longest rodeo of my life, tougher than riding a string of wild 287 horses. There're lots of different rides, if you get me...lots of ups and downs, some falls. Always you gotta climb back up...climb back aboard. Each subject you study is like a new horse to hold onto...whether it's psychology, anthropology, communications, philosophy, math, geology...or political science and business...my majors, eh. After all the years though, I can pretty well figure out how to go about most things now. With every semester you get better at knowing this place."

Another female student asks quietly, "Is there racism here?"

Andy nods, "Some. It's probably not as bad as out there...just goin' to town or whatever.. .you know, when people show their attitudes.. .their prejudice. Here....sometimes you run into ignorance, people not knowin' much about Natives, and people have their stereo-types. There are others though...students, instructors, who aren't prejudiced. They want to learn., .they're open to findin' out about Indians, or being friendly. It's better than lots of towns around where I live. Course there's some...even professors that think 'cause you're Native you speak for every Aboriginal person livin' in Canada. There are good instructors, though...they know a lot...teach courses about Aboriginal or Indigenous people, or issues. I've had some teachers...really knowledgeable...good classes...where there isn't much racism."

A tall youth looks out from under a heavy brow, long hair falling in his eyes, and says, "Is university hard to do?"

Grimacing, Andy chooses his words. He'd like to offer nothing but encouragement, but honesty is important.

"I've struggled at times. You know...trying to learn what the instructors think, the kind of learning the university teaches. It can be real frustratin'. It's tryin' to understand what's required....and come to learn and know things in a different way. Our peoples' way of understanding the world is different, so I often used to feel at odds with 'academia'.. .the ivory tower. That's what the professors call the university." 288

Looking around at worried faces in his audience, Andy thinks about how to describe studying at a university to people from a background like his own.

"Here they talk about 'Scientific Objectivity.' It's the story in this place. Their story for their knowledge...how they see the world. Knowledge is divided up into pieces. It's the way, here. There's a lot of information, lots of details about the world.. .everything gets examined, in small pieces, sometimes bigger pieces. There's not many connections, more taking apart dissection. There's more information than one person can learn, so you choose an area to focus on. When you study, you learn pieces, many fragments that start to come together after a few years and give you a bigger picture."

Confusion and doubt joins worry in the looks Andy is receiving. "At home the people," Andy seeks the right words, "know from traditional ways... generations of ongoing observation, and living that all things in the universe are in relationship. We know human beings are related to all of creation and cannot be separated from it. Our understanding belongs to each of us, it is personal and we look for understanding in order to be personally attuned to the world, to know how to live in it, with all creation. We don't separate ideas in the same way.... Tradition teaches us to learn in a connected way...intellectually, spiritually, physically, emotionally."

Several individuals nod, acknowledging and agreeing with Andy's presentation. He continues, "Euro-Canadian learning means being separated from creation. They claim the only way to know is through objectivity...trying to look at creation from...distance, apart? It's not real. What I know, I know from being part of the world and from knowing things personally, emotionally and spiritually, too. My elders.. .my own experience.. .show me people can't be separate from the world. When being objective means not respecting our own place in creation...well, I think it can be foolish when some people believe they have the divine right to disrespect and destroy the earth."

"What is the point of going to university then?" the young man wonders. 289

Acknowledging the question with a shake of his head, Andy offers, "I made a choice to leam in the Euro-Canadian way. I can't ignore that it's a strange, perhaps at times, a misguided story. Over the years, I've learned so much about the outside world...beyond the reserve. I can accept university academics as another way to knowledge...a possible path. Yeah, sometimes it's like a maze... there's lots of twists and turns that are challenges. It can be difficult.. .always more work coming at you. There's a culture, the white students seem to understand. It's confusin ...you need practice to understand what's expected...the professors say standards, but there are ways of doing things culturally, conventions, formats and structures. But, if you keep at it, then you begin to get it. I did. I've managed to balance ways of learning. Lots of us here do."

Normally, Andy doesn't rush to make speeches, but as he appreciates how near he is to completing his degree, he earnestly hopes to share his dreams with the Native students listening to him describe university.

"You've got to look around you. When I did.. .1 saw life was better for white people, other immigrants. ..those with an education. I believe that with things as they are, academics are useful, what the people need. In the world, knowledge is swiftly transforming. There's a growing and complicated society. In Canada modern society is made up of diverse kinds of people... cultures. There's rapidly changin' evolvin' technology. I wanted to be able to keep up, have a good job and I want my children... other people in my community.. .to get access and to have a share in the possibilities... opportunities."

"So are you still Indian? Back home, people often make you feel bad for going to school?" Yet another question flies at Andy.

"Over the months and years," Andy speaks thoughtfully, "I've gotten some confidence in learning the way of the Euro-Canadians. I've learned to speak and write their language on a higher level, to communicate in this place. It was necessary. If people don't like how I speak.. .1 don't want to be bothered by that.. .though it happens. Maybe, 290

sometimes people are jealous or want to keep each other down! You know the story about all the crayfish in the bucket? One scrambles up, trying to get over the side and the others keep pullin' him down!"

Andy asserts his attachment to his own culture, "It's hard to make sense of things lots of days at university. Then, I call on what I already know, Native heritage and traditions...what they've already taught me, what I'm still learnin'. I reflect on ideas and meanings...Euro-Canadian knowledge. I consider my personal, spiritual and emotional connections as a Native person. I think about what my elders might say about this knowledge.

In the Euro-Canadian way of thinking, there are always questions... but they want you to look for answers. But, answers and understanding are in my culture, too. It's how you arrive at the answers - that's the difference. While here at university there is pressure to ask questions all the time and to criticize as a process of learning. But, that lets me ask questions too.. .1 can look at what I read or what I am told and see how it fits with what I learned in my community. So long as I sort out how a professor wants things, I can choose what makes sense for me, what I want to take away with me when I'm workin' for the people. I think bein' Native, knowin' my heritage., .that helped at University. Without my elders and family, I might not have pushed through this programme successfully. You know, when I was young, my grandparents first told me the stories., .of hunters and warriors...who took on tasks and did not give in. Remembering those stories...I didn't give in. They kept me goin'. Also the elders themselves, gave me support and they taught me how to find my spiritual resources, to stay connected. My culture gave me my goals and dreams, and helped me to achieve them."

An older man with a little gray in his hair waves at Andy to get his attention. "What did you study? What do you think it's best to study at university?"

"I mentioned Political Science and Business. Not everyone studies those things. Usually you find out in your first or second year what really interests you. Study what 291 interests you the most! I thought I'd do Business as my major, but instead I chose Political Science. It's about government systems and policy, about elections and the ways leaders run things...like chiefs and councils on reserves. In a degree, though you have to take other subjects that aren't your focus. ..other courses you need to fill your degree."

"Why do you have to study other topics., .classes?" The same student inquires.

"By taking all those courses you learn a tremendous amount of knowledge. In a degree, really, you just scratch the surface of things that can be learned about the world. Still, it changes you... in good ways...when you know more. Knowledge gives me a different connection with the world. It gives balance. I've learned something about history, cultures, governments, wars, corruption, the uses and abuses of power. I've seen the accomplishments of the people of Canada and many other nations. I've got skills that I can use in work and to help people...computers, researching, organizing, communicating, takin' responsibilities. Nowadays First Nations people are livin' in the midst of a computerized information age...

"Can you get a job on your reserve," Another visitor questions?

"A lot of the people I know are plannin' to go home to their reserves or communities for work...some don't think they can. I've been offered a job already by the Chief of my reserve. He says he has a position waitin'."

The visitors are impressed by the news that Andy has employment even before he graduates. He's given them many words to consider. They applaud Andy and thank him. Andy shakes hands with each of the group of prospective students as they leave, wishing them well and urging them to continue their education.

His final day of university arrives. Following his last exam, Andy is astonished to realize how much he will miss the university. Walking across a sunbaked campus he feels some sympathy for the few individuals and groups of students he sees still cramming for 292 their own final exams. He won't have to do that anymore! Why does he feel like he misses it already? He should be thrilled not to have to write another test!

Outside in the fresh spring air, he admires the greening grass, the trees leafing and the birds chirping. Without the usual crowds of people, the campus is a pleasant place to bask in the sun or visit with friends. Free from due dates and deadlines, and excited by the prospect of what might be next in his life, Andy makes for the Native Centre to celebrate his new freedom from studies, with staff and friends. Soon he will be moving home to the reserve. He'll need to say goodbye to many friends and teachers.

Overhead, crows and magpies soar and loop, filling the skies. The messengers rejoice in the good story of Andy.

Wisakidjak Outstrips the Wind (Part 4)

Trotting from building to building, Wisakidjak discovers a lab where students are closely examining the remains of some creature. Sidling up to a table where two students are wrapped in their work, Wisakidjak leers over the shoulder of one. "Are you preparing a feast?"

"I sure wouldn't want to eat this!" the surprised student replies, "I'm not a fan of formaldehyde," he adds chuckling.

Wisakidjak's disappointment is pitiful, "You mean it's not food?"

The two students share a glance, before the first one answers, "No, it's not food. We're looking at the insides to see how this reptile is structured.. .the organs, how they work. This is a lab we're doing, in biology."

Wisakidjak doesn't give up. "When you're done, then you'll eat it!"

"No, of course not," the student maintains.

Wisakidjak persists, "If you're not going to eat it...are you using the hide or the organs for a container or maybe a ceremonial rattle? 293

Both the students guffaw, one exclaims, "You've got to be joking!"

Wisakidjak probes, "Well, what are you planning to do with the creature.. .if you're not eating it and you're not making a good use of it.. .why did you kill it? What happens to it?"

"As usual...it gets turfed, garbaged, goes to the incinerator!" his informant declares.

"What about protocols? Where I come from the people understand...there are protocols," Wisakidjak tries persuasion, "Long time ago, when I was arranging things, the Cree people learned to always show respect to the spirit of fellow creatures. It's disrespectful to kill for no reason. You are upsetting the balance of things! Why don't I eat this one for you?"

"There are rules, experiments can't leave the lab," the student sputters. "Besides, the preserving liquid would probably kill you!" The two students shake their heads. They see no disrespect in dissecting some low level reptilian life form. They know nothing about the balance of things. Shrugging, they go on with their assigned science lab.

Wisakidjak sniffs about wistfully, surely he can find something edible or of greater interest than the dismantling of a powerless being. He smells strong smells and follows his nose, but time after time he encounters more labs and rooms with cages and containers imprisoning unhealthy looking dogs, cats, rabbits, rats and insects. Wisakidjak sees some animals given electric shocks and more being taken apart or having parts added. Wisakidjak is pretty sure, traditional protocols didn't include putting animals in cages, experimenting to test for reactions and behaviours or ignoring suffering. He takes pity on the animals.

For Wisakidjak, thought is deed. He flings open all the doors to let the creatures pass, and urges them to flee. Shortly among the campus apparitions of teepees, and herds of elk and buffalo, escaping lab experiments scurry, limp and hop. Nearby, the messenger birds caw, kekeeck and quork from their lookouts in the trees. The old ones are not surprised that Wisakidjak is up to mischief, but look on laughing to see his actions.

Roaming on, Wisakidjak continues to investigate buildings and departments at the University, sometimes catching up with Coyote and Raven who are making mischief on their own, sometimes pausing to listen for a story from the old ones, or to visit the teepee village. Mostly, Wisakidjak travels on his own. There is a wide and rippling swath left behind him where nothing is quite the same as before. Professors and students reel in the face of constant upheaval of known truths, including existing science and theory regarding neutrinos and the universe. Experimenters pursue disappearing test subjects, some eventually seek new research avenues. Administrators constantly confront computers running awry. At the University change is unleashed as new ideas prosper, new understandings emerge, new stories abound.

ft******************* 294

Charlene

A Song of Spring

As my eyes Search The prairie I feel The summer In spring. (57)

******

Stopping outside Dr. Silverstein's office, Charlene catches her breath before knocking on the professor's office door. She's dropping off her final paper in her final semester. She's been taking an independent study course, in which she is the only student in a course, completing research into a topic of special interest to her. She believes she's lucky to have had Dr. Silverstein agree to be the supervisor for her course. Her generous teacher makes time for Charlene and evidently enjoys talking with her. Over the last couple of years, Charlene has taken three courses with Dr. Silverstein because they share a desire to examine the role of women in society. During their conversations, Charlene's love of learning flourishes. She feels fortunate to work with an instructor who supports and encourages her inquiry into the traditional and modern roles of Aboriginal women.

When she knocks on the door, Charlene hears Dr. Silverstein call, "Come in."

"Hi, Dr. Silverstein, I've got my paper. I'm excited for you to read it. I loved doing the research for this paper!" Charlene sits down on a comfortable office chair.

"Well, you chose an interesting subject so I'm looking forward to reading what you've learned, Charlene." Dr. Silverstein smiles at her. "You know...the times we've spoken.. .and your papers.. .1 get to learn too. Before you were my student, I didn't see many Aboriginal students in my classes...or at least they didn't speak in class, or to me. As you know, Charlene, a couple of years ago, I didn't have readings or topics related to First 295

Nations women on my courses. My own educational background contained next to nothing about Aboriginal people. Canadian university curriculums don't require study on First Nations in general. So, Charlene, it's been a profound learning experience for me to have you as a student."

"Dr. Silverstein...that's really kind of you to say. I'm grateful for all you've been teaching me and letting me explore on my own. I never knew before I did this paper how much women were valued in my First Nation, eh?" Charlene glows with enthusiasm for her research. She wants to share key discoveries.

"In lots of tribes, First Nations women were important, even politically powerful. Nowadays, women aren't always accorded much respect...on the reserve. But, off the reserve, 'Indian' women aren't respected it seems even a little...there are stereo-types. I think colonialism and male dominated religions, politics...society...have done all this. Traditionally, Native people...Cree people...we were more equal egalitarian. Men and women had roles, well defined, and women were given lots of respect. 'Iskwew' means woman, it's a proud word, not like squaw in English. Women were healers, sometimes leaders, always with power...great spiritual power, medicine! They played critical roles in the hunt and in providing food, clothing and shelter for families. The teepee was theirs.. .the children were theirs. Women are part of mother earth, the cycle of life...the stories."

"I believe you have some insight there, Charlene. It's the patriarchal or male dominated societies that typically push women out of a share in power. Religions originating in the Middle East...Judaism, Islam, Christianity...are highly male focused, and in Europe for many centuries society was dominated by the Christian religion and men. Women were kept in very weak social positions. I can imagine the first European males and priests coming here and not liking it when they encountered communities where women had political power. They probably couldn't understand it either." Dr. Silverstein shakes her head, trying to visualize history. 296

Charlene tells her professor, "I know now that lots of First Nations were matriarchal. Women had more power. There are stories, ah, like the one about the woman who fell through a hole in the sky, and with the help of the animals, birds and her children...she makes the world."

"Women as the creative force! And, equal societies!" Dr. Silverstein marvels. "It seems the larger society...the mainstream certainly could learn something from First Nations cultures."

Agreeing, Charlene nods, "Women are important in so many ways! I think our Native traditions respected that., .honoured women more. It makes me glad to know that tradition is mine, I can be proud of where I come from... who I am."

"There's no doubt of that! You can be proud of your heritage! As well, look what you are accomplishing here, Charlene! You are getting a degree.. .you are examining society as a whole, becoming informed about your own culture and history, Canadian society, and you're sharing what you've learned. The things you are teaching me, I can pass on to others. As a Canadian, I understood very little about Aboriginal people before I was lucky to have you as a student. I expect you might also be teaching other people?"

Surprised, Charlene, laughs aloud, recognizing that the professor is right. "Eeaah! Yes it's true. I've been telling my husband lots that I'm a Cree woman, real important! Eeaaah! I share ideas with my mother and sisters, too. Even my Kohkum, my grandmother.. .she says 'It was always that way in the time before.' I tell my daughters...you know I have three girls? I tell them they will be Native women one day and that in our Cree culture, they are the beginning. Plus, we women keep things going. Women deserve to be respected and honoured. I hope they...my girls...will choose men, like their father...who respect women."

"Those are good life lessons you are teaching Charlene," Dr Silverstein regards her warmly, "I predict you will teach a great deal to many more people." 297

"Maybe that's true, too, Dr. Silverstein. People I know on my reserve...they've started asking me about university... what it's like. I tell them they can do it if I can do it. I tell them it's necessary to do more work than can be imagined...but you find a way. I tell them it can be confusing, frustrating, sometimes lonely., .but it is a gift. Everything I'm learning, from my friends in classes, my close friends at The Native Centre, so many people. ..special, kind professors who are awesome teachers. ..all together, this journey has given me chances to grow...so many experiences and so much to remember.

"I understand from some of the frustrations you've told me about, that for a First Nations student the university is not the easiest place in which to function?" her professor inquires.

"No...no, it's not. But you know...life on the reserve can be really hard...the people are in pain with big social problems, and most people are poor. There are suicides and violence. That kind of life.. .makes you tough. The university is a different place. Sure, money is tight, and I've found it rough being alone with my children during the school term because my husband has to work back on the reserve. There's no doubt, I've had times.. .1 felt a huge burden.. .the burden of taking care of my girls, trying to be two parents, trying to focus on school. Some of the worst challenges here are the culture and thinking...figuring out how you're supposed to think."

Dr. Silverstein lifts an eyebrow, "I'd no notion your culture made such a difference."

"Oh, yeah," Charlene assures her professor, "This scientific, objective, linear thinking...and this only one right answer. It's confusin' and then there's...being direct and explicit. Like, when you're writing and you have to state how ideas relate. In my culture...it's holistic...everything is connected in the circle...in a web. A person knows. Here, There's one right way of doing things... assignments, test questions, thinking...A + B = C. In my culture.. .we have more than one way, it's personal and indirect. An elder almost always tells you a story. A good listener knows what the elder is saying." 298

Although she's intrigued, Dr. Silverstein shakes her head, unable to imagine a holistic approach to essay writing.

Appreciating that someone is trying to comprehend her experiences, Charlene adds, "And.. .the university.. .white culture...there's so much dependence on the mind. Culturally it's a shock, eh? At home, we believe in balance. It's unhealthy not paying attention to emotions, the spirit and the body. You can learn from those things, too!"

"You've coped with a lot Charlene. You must be very strong minded," her professor admires the perseverance Charlene demonstrates.

"There were days I wanted to quit. But, I want my degree. I knew if I quit, I wouldn't get my degree, and that would end my dreams...my dreams for me, for my family, for my kids when they grow up. Then, there are the stories...stories from our culture, my grandmother, my father.. .the stories they tell. In the stories you learn you keep trying. In our stories, not giving up, is important. When you try really hard.. .then what you take away...that is valuable!"

"It sounds as though you'll be taking away much valuable experience.. .which has made you stronger," Dr. Silverstein suggests gently.

Charlene curls a bicep for Dr. Silverstein, meeting her eyes and chuckling. She indicates, "Absolutely! See, I started working out! Eeaah! University is a workout! Makes you stronger! I'm joking, but if I think about it...I'm more balanced. I know who I am. I'm stronger spiritually, emotionally. When I put our history together, I realized pride in my people. The more I learn, the more I am proud to be who I am."

"That's a wonderful result, Charlene. A professor doesn't always get to hear from a student that they've grown.. .or, that they've learned some things of value to them. Of course, we believe it happens! It's the reason we teach.. .at least one of the main reasons! 299

It's a delight both to hear about how you feel you've grown.. .and to see you proud and confident."

"Thanks, Dr. Silverstein. That's good of you to say. I feel different and I guess I am. ..a little different. But, sometimes when I'm on the reserve, now. ..it can be difficult. Some people turn against you. People...they don't like it when you change...they say you're thinking white. One person, said I was an apple...red on the outside...white on the inside. But, I'm not. I know my culture and more about the people than when I started university. If anything, I am more cultural than before. Plus, I understand the moniyaw...white people... mainstream culture better...and I have some skills, too."

"It sounds as though you could say you have two cultures, were bi-cultural, Charlene. Do you believe First Nations can hold onto their culture...in the future? When there is so much pressure from the mainstream?"

"Dr Silverstein, all that I've learned., .the knowledge and skills I'm gaining over here, I need those to make a difference in my community. We can't live like we did before, hunting and trapping. We have to keep moving...we have to move along with the mainstream. We can't be isolated without contact...our parents were isolated and abused in residential schools. We are people like anybody else, and we are not inferior...we are unique. We need to remember our ancestors. We need to tell our stories. We need to hold on to our traditional beliefs. We can make the choice. We can decide what to take from society and what we want to retain from our own culture... We need to balance these things. The attempt was made before to assimilate us. We were wise. It wasn't easy to convert First Nations people. We need to hold onto our traditions ...and we can stay First Nations."

"Charlene, you are so clear sighted and so wise! You are not the quiet, invisible, unsure student who first came to speak to me. I hope you are planning to go on with your education ...perhaps take a master's degree?" 300

A wide smile blossoms on Charlene's face, "I am thinking about going to graduate school for my masters. I understand...I have to ask professors for a recommendation, a letter of reference. Dr Silverstein would you...?"

******************** 301

The Old Ones

"Those old stories about the brave ones...those were my favourites for a long time! They show that being bold and not giving up can bring something that is beautiful.. .there are flowers and spring," Peepeekisis tells Sage Smoke. "Now, there begin to be some new brave stories growing we can tell. These seventh generation young people choosing to learn, choosing to find new skills and fend for their families, choosing to fight hard like warriors for the future, they are like the wise little bird, the ducks with green feathers, the prairie rose and the other brave stories."

Sage Smoke bobs her head at Peepeekisis, as do the other messengers, gathered around them in the trees, voicing agreement for his words.

"Ah, Sage Smoke," Many Painted Eagles points his beak at the figures emerging from the trees below, "Our tales have brought along the magic ones.. .Raven, Wisakidjak and Coyote. They appreciate stories like the rest of us."

"Pretty brave stories are good," acknowledges Raven, "...but the ones about me are my favourites!"

"You would think that," Wisakidjak jeers, "even though any Wisakidjak story is more fun!"

"Not so! Coyote stories are the best for me!" Coyote insists.

The old ones perceive conflict is imminent. They don't want to lose this opportunity of having Raven, Wisakidjak and Coyote together after so many sunrises. Before a brawl develops, Many Eaglefeathers speaks up, "Tricksters, we've shared stories with you, as we promised. Stories, lots of stories have gone on the wind to you! Trickster tales, legends and seventh generation stories. You know what goes well with a story?"

Momentarily diverted, Coyote blurts his answer, "Well, food of course!"

Not to be outdone, Raven and Wisakidjak chorus, "Food! Food!"

Many Eaglefeathers concedes, "Of course, that is understood. There are days when a story can be almost a meal. But, next to food, I was thinking that with a story we need a warm fire. While we've been bird messengers there have been no fires to sit around. We've shared our stories these last many moons, in rain, freezing winds and snow, but there've been no fires for us to warm ourselves beside. My fellow old ones and I long to gather around our fires once more. We no longer need the power of bird forms. We've taken the message to the seventh generation... we are ready to rest and be ourselves once more."

Wisakidjak purses his lips while Coyote and Raven, smirk and shrug at the idea of no longer having the old ones at their mercy. 302

White Buffalo Woman reassures the tricksters, "Like Many Painted Eagles, I look forward to the company of my fellow old ones around a warm fire. As we promised in exchange for borrowing your power, we've told stories, putting them forth for you to hear. Always know we will continue telling stories for you."

Bright Star perceptively adds, "If you want food with your stories Coyote, Raven, and Wisakidjak, then we can also tell you about a feast that is coming."

Loudly Coyote howls, "Food!" He's excited since he's never yet felt there was enough food in the world.

"A feast! Count me in!" Wisakidjak feels all his particles thrilling, his mouth watering.

Raven hops up and down, "A feast, food! I think I deserve a feast!"

Tall Bear smiles at the delight of Coyote, Wisakidjak and Raven. He piques their enthusiasm, "The feast is soon. Before then, we need to be released from our messenger forms. Then we can show you where to find the feast. Once transformed we can all attend the feast. This is an important occasion to honour Charlene, Andy, DeeDee and many brave ones of the seventh generation. With the feast, there will be a Powwow."

Coyote howls more loudly, while Raven and Wisakidjak begin to dance, showing off intricate steps. The prospect of a feast and a powwow close at hand is powerful enticement. Eagerly, the tricksters confer, then turn to the hopeful bird messengers, "Show us to the feast! We want food!" Without dissension or delay, Raven, Wisakidjak and Coyote allot power to the old ones for their further transformations. The air swells with the words, "Bring on the feast!"

******************** 303

Charlene, Andy. DeeDee. and Friends

Return Song

Once I was away But my feathers now Bring me back again.

******

There is clatter from cutlery and dishes hastily removed, the crashing of toppling tables. The feast is done, speeches and presentations concluded, and furnishings are being pushed back to clear space for a large open circle. Banqueting family and friends in their hundreds make room for arriving throngs of Pow wow goers. People of all ages flock into available rooms and emerge transformed in their dance regalia. Excitedly the youngest performers race around the room under the feet of teenage and adult dancers all restless to begin. Soon large cumbersome drums are placed along the top edge of the circle created for the dancers. Each drum is encircled by a sitting group of players and singers. The post-feast contentment in the room gives way before the throbbing beat of the drums, the electric presence of the ready dancers, and the heightening energy of an imminent cultural celebration.

Charlene, DeeDee, Andy, Guy, Rachel, Jennifer, Gloria, Melanie, Shayla and many other friends exchange handshakes and hugs as they gather for the Pow wow grand entry presentation of the graduates. There are unfamiliar people in their midst as well, since some of the graduates to be honoured at the Pow wow are from off-campus University programmes. Warm handshakes welcome them, too. And, there are favourite supportive professors and special guests preparing to be in the parade. Congratulations go to graduates and professors holding awards received during the banquet. Old friends renew acquaintances. The mingling, chatter and laughter fuel the anticipation, noise and chaos attendant on the Pow wow and the graduation events still to come. 304

Andy and DeeDee During their last couple of years on campus Andy and DeeDee served on the Native Student Association Executive and the committee planning and arranging the Banquet and Pow wow. A volunteer approaches DeeDee double check the plan for the Pow wow grand entry. Dee helps to make a few adjustments to the placement of people. Meanwhile, Andy takes a moment to confirm with security, that things are going smoothly. Although it's a non-alcoholic event, campus authorities require the Native Student Association to pay for extra security. The large attendance of First Nations people at the University makes authorities nervous. So far, everything is peaceful and the few who might ignore taboos and be brash enough to come inebriated to a Pow wow will not be admitted. Next, Andy hands over the order of events to Francis and Benson who are replacing him as masters of ceremony during the evening. They're both on the executive for the coming year. Andy feels confident placing the Pow wow and the Native Student Association in good hands.

Returning to the line-up for grand entry, Andy exchanges laughter with Charlene and DeeDee. He takes a place kept for him beside Guy, elated to share the company of the good friends he has made on this journey. Andy's children wave at him from the audience, and he is proud that they can see him among the graduates and in the ceremonies to come. Once everything appears to be set and the parade marshal believes the time is right, a signal goes to the podium. Immediately, the host drum booms to life, lead dancers parade bright flags into the circle, while Charlene, DeeDee, Rachel, Jennifer and Gloria link hands and follow Andy and Guy in the dance. Everyone in the parade begins to move, their feet slide forward and press down with the drum as they dance into the circle.

Elder Cranebear gives the invocation and blessing. He congratulates the graduates and tells them they have reached a great achievement making the Creator and their families proud of them. Next, the parade is dismissed and the Pow wow dancers commence a series of inter-tribals, everyone performing together. Soon the different age groups and categories take turns dancing, the tiny tots, jingle, fancy, grass, and men and women in traditional dances. The Pow wow is a symphony of colour, movement and sound. Music pulses in turn from each of nine drums and from the throats of quantities of singers. It is a surprising 305 showing for a Pow wow with no prizes to be won. Unusual too is the ancient appearance of some of those dancers and singers, whose changeable shadows on the walls cast flickering images shaped like magpies, crows, bears, eagles, bison as well as a huge raven and a twirling coyote. Graduates families, friends, the Pow wow community of dancers and drum groups each with their entourage drawn from both local and communities far afield, make an ebullient crowd, intent on celebrating with the graduates.

Locating their families in the audience, DeeDee, Jennifer, Gloria and Rachel are also enthused to see Ernestine. Although her health and medical treatments have meant that she will not graduate for another semester, she is present at this event to honour her friends. Ernestine gives each of them a hug, insisting it won't be long before it's her turn. She extracts a promise from each of her traveling companions to attend the graduation Pow wow to celebrate with her in the coming year. A group hug seals the deal, while children, grandchildren and parents look on chuckling at the circle of women with their arms locked around one another.

When the dancing for different age groups begins, DeeDee watches beside her sister Patricia and her mother Lorena who suited up her sons Michael and Tyson and her daughter Carrie, for dancing. Rachel and Jennifer tuck, tie, and straighten portions of their children's dance outfits, and Gloria and Ernestine assist. For the first time, Jennifer's eldest daughter is wearing a beadwork collar made by her mother. The audience 'oohs,' 'aaahs' and smiles over the tiny tots and the neophyte dancers. When the teens dance attention is paid to the precision of steps and outfits with glorious colours, the displays of feather decorations, painted shawls, or beaded vests and leggings. Adult dancers demonstrate poise and dignity, workmanship in their traditional apparel and headdress, complexity of step and command of the story their dance can tell.

Enjoying the dancers with her family, Charlene contains excitement as Denny holds her hand, while Sky is on her lap lulled by the drums, the twins tussle close by in a chair and next to them sits her Kohkum, father, mother, her brothers and sisters and their families. Everyone who could has made the trip to Calgary. The presence of her family to 306 honour her, the proximity of so many First Nations people and the free expression of her culture at the University is humbling, but it is also the most wonderful moment she has experienced during her education. Charlene's heart keeps the rhythm of the drums.

For this graduation celebration, a hoop dancer offers his special spirited presentation, interpreting the challenges, striving and the possibilities of the journey of life. As the dancer portrays his story, adding and lifting one after another hoop while his feet match the music, and the hoops encase his whole person or transition into a span of eagle wings, his audience is with him, cheering each new formation, appreciating the dedication and skill he is demonstrating. Applause, calls and whistles drown out the drum at the dancer's final pose.

Once again the graduates are called to the marshalling area and sung into the circle. The time is right for the gifting ceremony, the essence of the evening. In the centre of the circle of graduates traditional blankets are placed, already blessed by the elder, an honoured sun dance holder. University instructors, administrators, guests at the Pow wow, assist the elder by bringing each graduate one of the brightly patterned blankets. Charlene smiles gleefully as Dr. Silverstein gifts her with a bold blue blanket, laying it across her arms. Her professor then turns to DeeDee, standing next to Charlene, and gives her a warm red blanket. Dr. Silverstein congratulates them, shakes hands and hugs each of them, before taking more blankets to other students. Rachel is pleased to receive a blanket from an instructor she once scolded and taught about respect. Due to Rachel's persistence, they are friends now and he is supporting her application to law school.

Andy receives his blanket from a close friend, a Native Centre staff person. He shakes hands and nods his thanks. He exchanges smiles with the graduates nearest him as they all move single file, still in their circle in front of the podium. The honoured elder, awards each graduate, placing a sacred eagle feather in their hand. Charlene, Andy, DeeDee and the others feel speechless as they clutch their eagle feathers, stroke the glossy striations, the white tip and the quill decorated with the four sacred colours. Each unique 307 feather is a speaking symbol of the regard of the community, and the honouring of their journey of achievement.

Yet, there is more. A singer commences the first high note of the Honour Song, as the drum springs to life. The graduates lift aloft their feathers acknowledging the song. Then, it is their turn to dance. Proudly bearing blanket and feather, they are drummed around the circle. Charlene strives to be sober-faced and restrained as one is for a ceremony, but when she catches sight of her girls, Denny, Kohkum and her father poised on the circle's edge, her face is wreathed in smiles. She is not alone. DeeDee and Andy, all the graduates, see their families too. They perceive their children watching them with pride. They see smiling friends who are still working on their degrees, happy with the thought of graduating someday soon, themselves. They see community members looking on and creating a vision of a degree, a feast and Pow wow in their own future. The crowd is pressing close towards the dancing graduates and when they have danced two or three rounds of the circle, family and friends can wait no longer. They stream into the circle.

Charlene, DeeDee, Andy and all the graduates are surrounded, swept along. Their loved ones seize and shake their hands. They hug, link arms, take up the steps, and the graduates and the community dance shoulder to shoulder. The circle and the hearts within it are full to overflowing. The floor rumbles, and the walls resound with the power and the reverberations of the Honour Song.

******

Dance the Honour Song

The drum sounds, Signaling the journey is complete. We are dancing.

The drum sounds, Celebrating the circle of honour. We are dancing. 308

The drum sounds, Calling forth the people. We are dancing.

The drum sounds, Joining past, present and future. Come dance the Honour Song.

******

And so the graduates return to their families and communities armed with new skills and powers to meet the challenges of the life road ahead. Joining the graduates in the dance, the old ones' faces show their pleasure. They are satisfied that their message is out there on the wind calling those with vision and dreams, those ready to brave the journey and discover healing paths, those ready to shape the future. Wisakidjak, Raven and Coyote are ready too, for any stories of new journeys there are to share. 309

Endnotes

(1) Colombo, John Robert, (Ed.) (1983). Crow Song (Blackfoot), from Songs of the Indians. VI, Toronto: Oberon Press, p.58.

(2) Ibid. Circling Crow Song, an untitled Ghost Dance Song adapted from Songs of The Indians. VI, Toronto: Oberon Press, p.93.

(3) Ahenakew, Beth, Hardlotte, Sam, (1973). The Little Bird's Arrow, adapted from Cree Legends. Volume Two. Saskatoon: Saskatchewan Indian Federated College Curriculum Development Unit, 12-15. (Wesakaychak is the spelling used for the name of the trickster in this Cree dialect.)

(4) Colombo, John Robert, (Ed.) (1983). Medicine Song (Kutchin), from Songs of the Indians. VI, Toronto: Oberon Press, p.88.

(5) Ibid. Healing Song (Ojibwa) in, VI, Toronto: Oberon Press, p.43.

(6) Wissler, Clark, Duvall, D. C., (2007). Crow Medicine Brings the Buffalo, adapted from The Horns and the Matoki (North Peigan version),in Mythology of the Blackfoot, University of Nebraska: Bison Books, p. 119-120.

(7) Colombo, John Robert, (Ed.) (1983). The Birds Are Beginning (Nootka), adapted From Songs of the Indians. VII, Toronto: Oberon Press p.24.

(8) Ibid. Rainbow (Clayquot), from Songs of the Indians. VII, Toronto: Oberon Press, p.27.

(9) Mayo, Gretchen Will, 1989. When Fog Comes Drifting, condensed from Earthmaker's Tales. New York: Walker and Company, p.76-80.

(10) Colombo, John Robert, (Ed.) (1983). Crow Chant (Ojibwa), adapted from Songs of the Indians. VI, Toronto: Oberon Press, p.45.

(11) Ibid. Doubt (Mide), adapted from Songs of the Indians. VI, Toronto: Oberon Press, p.50.

(12) Ibid. Vision (Mide), adapted from Songs of the Indians. VI, Toronto: Oberon Press, p.50.

(13) Ibid. The Battle-Birds (Ojibwa) adapted from Songs of the Indians. VI, Toronto: Oberon Press, p.45.

(14) Ibid. Earth Charm (Iroquois) from Songs of the Indians. VI, Toronto: Oberon Press, p.60. 310

(15) Ibid. Dream Song (Iroquois) from Songs of the Indians. VI, Toronto: Oberon Press, p.78.

(16) Johnson, E. Pauline, (1912). Fire Flowers, from Flint and Feather. Toronto: The Musson Book Company, p. 124.

(17) Colombo, John Robert, (Ed.) (1983). Sun Dance Song (Cree) from Songs of the Indians. VI, Toronto: Oberon Press, p.62.

(18) Ibid. Shaman's Song (Bella Coola), from Songs of the Indians. VII, Toronto: Oberon Press, p.20.

(19) Colombo, John Robert, (Ed.) (1983). Inspiration (Ojibwa), in Songs of the Indians. VI, Toronto: Oberon Press, p.43.

(20) Wissler, Clark, Duvall, D. C., 2007, Old Man and the Great Spirit, adapted from Mythology of the Blackfoot. University of Nebraska: Bison Books, 23-24. (Old Man and Coyote are names frequently used interchangeably in the Blackfoot Community. Coyote is used in this dissertation.)

(21) Colombo, John Robert, (Ed.) (1983). Battle Song (Kutchin), from Songs of the Indians. VI, Toronto: Oberon Press, p.88.

(22) Colombo, John Robert, (Ed.) (1983). Bird Dream Song (Iroquois), adapted from Songs of the Indians. VI, Toronto: Oberon Press, p.78.

(23) Ibid. Bear Dance Song (Iroquois), from Songs of the Indians. VI, Toronto: Oberon Press, p.78.

(24) Ibid. Warrior Song (Ojibwa), adapted from Songs of the Indians . VI, Toronto: Oberon Press, p.45.

(25) Why the Mouse is So Silky, adapted from Native Languages of the Americas: Wesakechak Stories and other Cree Legends , (April 1, 2010), Available at: http://www.firstpeople.us/FP- Html-Legends/Whv The Mouse Is So Silky - Yinnuwok.

(26) Colombo, John Robert, (Ed.) (1983). Drum Song (Mide), from Songs of the Indians. VI, Toronto: Oberon Press, p.55.

(27) George, Thomas, 2009, Raven Holds the Sun, adapted from Raven and the First Peoples: Legends of the Northwest Coast, Edmonton: Eschia Books Inc., p.181-184.

(28) Colombo, John Robert, (Ed.) (1983). Prayers to the Sun (Bella Coola), from Songs of the Indians, VII, Toronto: Oberon Press, p.18. 311

(29) Ibid. Journey Song, (Clayoquot war song), adapted from Songs of the Indians. VI, Toronto: Oberon Press, p.27.

(30) Ibid. Morning Song (Blackfoot), adapted from Songs of the Indians. VI, Toronto: Oberon Press, p.56.

(31) Mayo, Gretchen Will, (1989). Barve Girl and The Storm Monster, adapted from Earthmaker's Tales. New York: Walker & Co., p.76-80.

(32) Colombo, John Robert, (Ed.) (1983). Noise (Ojibwa), from Songs of the Indians. VI, Toronto: Oberon Press, p.44.

(33) Ibid. Return Song (Ojibwa), from Songs of the Indians. VI, Toronto: Oberon Press, p.33.

(34) Ibid. The Lonesome Youth (Salish), from Songs of the Indians. VII, Toronto: Oberon Press, p. 17.

(35) Ibid. Prayer to the Four Quarters (Blackfoot), adapted from Songs of the Indians. VI, Toronto: Oberon Press, p.56.

(36) Ibid. Martial Medicine Songs (Ojibwa), adapted from Songs of the Indians. VI, Toronto: Oberon Press, p.45.

(37) Ibid. The Sky Clears (Mide), from Songs of the Indian. VI, Toronto: Oberon Press, p.50.

(38) Ibid. Trusting Song (Ojibwa), from Songs of the Indians. VI, Toronto: Oberon Press, p.32.

(39) Ibid. Woman's Song (Blackfoot), from Songs of the Indians. VI, Toronto: Oberon Press, p.57.

(40) Ibid. Sky Song (Ojibwa), in Songs of the Indians. VI, Toronto: Oberon Press, p.43.

(41) Ibid. Love Song (Ojibwa), in Songs of the Indians. VI, Toronto: Oberon Press, p.32.

(42) Ibid. Love Song (Puget Sound), in Songs of the Indians, VII, Toronto: Oberon Press, p.16.

(43) Ibid. Legs of a Wolf Song (Puget Sound), from Songs of the Indians. VII, Toronto: Oberon Press, p.16.

(44) Ibid. Look Down And Make It Calm (Clayquot), from Songs of the Indians. VII, Toronto: Oberon Press, p.27. 312

(45) Ibid. Proud Village (Makah), from Songs of the Indians. VII, Toronto: Oberon Press, p.30.

(46) Johnson, E. Pauline, (1912). The Flight of the Crows, abridged from Flint and Feather. Toronto: The Musson Book Company, p.41-42.

(47) Johnson, E. Pauline, 1912. Moonset, abridged from Flint and Feather, Toronto: The Musson Book Company, p.43.

(48) The Story of Dierdre, adapted from Irish Celtic Mythology. Fairy Tales (August 11, 2010) Available at: http://www.luminarium.org/mythology/Ireland/deidre.html

(49) Mayo, Gretchen Will, (1989). Wahconda Makes the Earth Shake, adapted from Earthmaker's Tales, New York: Walker and Company, p.49-60.

(50) Colombo, John Robert, (Ed.) (1983). Proud Song (Makah) adapted from Songs of the Indians, VII, Toronto: Oberon Press, p.30.

(51) Ibid. Magic Formula (Iroquois), from Songs of the Indians. VI, Toronto: Oberon Press, p.78.

(52) Edmonds, Margot, Clark, Ella E., (1989). Origin of the Prairie Rose, adapted from Voices of the Winds: Native American Legends. New York: Facts on File Inc. p.208 -209.

(53) Ibid. Paddle Song (Ojibwa), adapted from Songs of the Indians. VI, Toronto: Oberon Press, p.32.

(54) Colombo, John Robert, (Ed.) (1983). A Nation is Coming (Sioux), adapted from Songs of the Indians. VI, Toronto: Oberon Press, p.94.

(55) Ibid. Prayers to the Sun (Bella Coola), from Songs of the Indians. VII, Toronto: Oberon Press, p.18.

(56) Ibid. Brave Song, (Tahltan), adapted from Songs of the Indians. VII, Toronto, Oberon Press, p.87.

(57) Ibid. A Song of Spring (Ojibwa), from Songs of the Indians. VI, Toronto: Oberon Press, p.42. 313

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