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Friday 16th May. 1997 issue 1087

http://www.su.ic.ac.uk/Felix est. 1949 FELIX Student Newspaper of Imperial£ollege

The election for next In Something for the year's ICU President Weekend: win tick- moves on a stage with ets to see Relic, the the hustings and inter- art of George Grosz view this week. Page 2. and loads of music. Hustings reveal muddle Security

JITEN PATEL call in the At this week's Imperial College Union Presidential hustings at St Mary's and dBs the sole candidate dogs Clare Bunstan was grilled intensively with the main topic of the meetings MARIA IOANNOU being the impending merger of IC Dog patrols are set to become a com- with the medical schools. mon sight on campus with Imperial At a tame St Mary's hustings on College Security taking new mea- Tuesday, Clare was asked many sures in an attempt to clamp down on times how she would handle the inte- crime. The majority of the handlers gration of the two unions and their will be trained during July and the students. Her answers seemed to rep- patrols should be fully operational by resent the general consensus of opin- August. ion of the medics saying that "the Dog patrols were introduced at Mary's clubs and societies will stay Clayponds earlier this year as an independent, and if they want to emergency measure in.an attempt to merge with their ICU counterparts put a stop to what was described by then they can." Ken Weir, Chief Security Officer at Questions were raised over the IC, as a "mini crimewave". "It has possibility of a centralised bar man- definitely worked in the case of ager who would run all the bars of Clayponds" commented Mr Weir, ICU, which would include the bar at "where we were once having at least the Mary's site, was one that brought three crimes a week reported to us, up a many different views, most of after installing the dog patrols we which were her own. When first have only had three crimes reported questioned, she was in favour of the to us since November." Mr Weir proposed system noting that "we can added that it was a financially sound learn from each other" about how to proposal "to have the same effect as run the services, but when the medics one dog you would need two or pos- stated that "we don't want it" Clare sibly three security officers." seemed to be lost for words and then According to Mr Weir, "it is the replied that maybe the bar could be deterrent value of the dog patrols that run by the medics. When later asked is most effective in reducing crime, by Piers Williams, the current although professional thieves plan Deputy President for Finance & for dogs, opportunist thieves, who Services, "how easy will it be to run for us pose the biggest problem, tend the bar once all the administration of not to go up against dogs. The Mary's SU moves to ICU after next implied threat of being caught by a year?", she commented on the need security officer with a dog acts as a of some kind of centralised system, deterrent to the criminal fraternity." changing her mind for the second The imminent merger of the vari- time. When questioned about her ous medical bodies also, Mr Weir views of the "apparent Mary's block feels, provides an argument for vote", Clare replied "they (medics) PHOTO: MATTHEW bringing in the dogs, "As from the seem to have a feel for the union" Clare Bunstan in full flow on Wednesday evening. Ms Bunstan fielded an and that "they just choose wisely." 1st of August, making sure that array of questions covering the medical merger to her political beliefs. merger sites, like the National Heart As the hustings moved on to ICU attended than on the other side of the hour compared to the 35 mins at St and Lung Institute and St Marys on Wednesday, few more people park, though the meeting lasted an continued on page two continued on page four 2 NEWS FELIX FRIDAY 16TH MAY Hustings "grilling" Presidential Interview continued from front page When asked what she would have Clare Bunston and New Mary's. The husting as described by done had she been president this Election face the grand Clare was "more intensive. I certain- year, she brought up two main inquisitor, Andrew ly got a grilling". This time round she points. Firstly was the loss of the Dorman-Smith, to per- was asked about her views on a bookstore, she saw it "was a great broader range of subjects, although shame because it meant that, suade us why we should the focus was still on the merger. although college has increased the Interview by Andrew, edited by ]lten vote for them. More questions were based around union's funding by £20,000 to her and her experience within the replace the income lost, it makes the Andrew Dorman Smith: So, New CB: Until I'm in that position, I union, in which she admitted that she union more dependent on the col- Election tell us about yourself. don't really know enough about it, has never turned up to a ICU council leges finances as opposed to being New Election: I'm afraid. meeting and her only involvement independent body, but it has also cre- Basically, New Election is your ADS: So you can't tell us how you has been in the Entertainments com- ated a greater profile for the union as opportunity to vote to re-open nomi- are going to achieve one of your mittee and being a DJ. a whole as students have became nations. This time of year is particu- main priorities? Her mains goals as president next more aware of their services and out- larly bad for having elections many CB: Well, I would argue as best I year would be to "promote harmony lets". people still have exams and haven't could. I think that it is the general between the two unions by promot- Secondly was that she would not had the time to see what's going on consensus of opinion is that top-up ing inter contact in sports societies, have accepted the move of the exams in College. The view is that there fees wouldn't be good for the future. and also to fight about the issue of to the marquee, and believes that the are probably much stronger candi- ADS: On the NUS, do you think top up fees". A main point that union should have lead some kind of dates out there who haven't yet had there should be a referendum as to repeatedly turned up was how she a revolt with the students against the the chance or the time to stand this whether Imperial College views are saw the role of the additional sabbat- idea. She also commented that the time, so if you don't like the way expressed through the NUS? ical position intended to be created at president should be more accessible, the election is looking, if you don't CB: Yeah. the end of the next college year, her and that she would make herself like the candidate, vote New ADS: So you will carry out a refer- views was that the post should be a more visible around the union mak- Election and maybe we'll get third endum in your next year as presi- "Mary's" sabb and that it's main ing it easier for students to approach time lucky. dent? role, in it's first year at least, was to her. ADS: Thank you. We now turn to CB: Only if that was felt to be the aid the medics in their transition to When asked why she did not drink Clare Bunston. Clare, do you consensus of opinion. It doesn't the South Kensington site, she also the 8 pints that were bought for her as believe it's the Union's job to get really matter what I believe as a per- stated that the post should go to a a challenge, she said "I just had to more students interested in the son, it's just I have to consult other medic as they "understand the pres- keep my head up there, but I plan to Union? people and get the general feeling sure that a medical student is under finish the pints and carry on drinking CB: Yes, but it's really hard to get ADS: But you'll be the President of better than an IC student." till late into the night." people involved who have no inten- Imperial college... tion of getting involved. CB: NO, 'cos even though your the ADS: Exactly that's the whole president, you mustn't just...I can't Lives saved from fire dilemma, how are you going to get just make decisions just because I those students involved? am the president, its important that I KELLY ROBINSON AND donning the appropriate safety gear. CB: I don't know. I would just do have got the information to make MAHLINA PONNIAH Once the flies were out of harm's my best, hopefully I would be seen these decisions from my colleagues. Thousands of lives were heroically way Mr Cox used a nearby carbon as a President who is a normal ADS: OK, You've talked a lot saved on Tuesday when the air-con- dioxide extinguisher to smother the human being who represents some- about St Mary's both at their own ditioning system in a Biochemistry "flames" and Mr Rogers switched thing that anyone can be a part of, hustings and at here. I'm a City & lab spontaneously combusted. off the power to the air-conditioning as opposed to a little group of peo- Guilds student, what can you offer Several brave men in heavy breath- unit. Due to the small nature of the ple who just go about their own me to get your vote? ing apparatus battled through the fire, the smoke alarms failed to acti- doings, it's not a very accessible CB: I'm not trying to offer certain group to become a part of unless smoke to rescue the defenceless vic- vate and the fire alarms had to be people certain things to get their your already a part of it. tims. sounded manually. According to Mr vote, I don't work like that. Shortly before 9am, in a room on Cox the building "was evacuated ADS: Right. In the South Ken' ADS: But it seems that you work the sixth floor of the Biochemistry quickly and quietly; with little dis- hustings, you said that opposing top- like that with St Mary's. building, the electric motor of an air- ruption to the running of the depart- up fees was one of your main priori- CB: No, not at all, that's just conditioning unit burnt out, allowing ment." ties. How will you achieve this? because I've had a lot of feedback the unit to overheat, and resulting in On further investigation it was dis- CB: I'm not in a position to fully from the St Mary's people. an isolated fire. Graham Cox, IC's covered that the switch controlling understand what the whole issue is ADS: Well you've promised St own Fire Officer, arrived on the the motor was jammed in the 'on' but I will do everything I can to Mary's their funds will be kept, they scene, and on ascertaining that the position, a fault which should have ensure that top-up fees don't hap- will keep their bar, can you promise smoke was not too thick, proceeded been detected earlier, and this is what pen, because then I believe that peo- City & Guilds a bar? to enter the room, together with Mick caused the system failure. ple will becoming to College on the CB: No, because you've never Rogers, the Technical Services The room should be fully func- basis of how much money they have wanted one before. Why should you Manager for Biochemistry, and two tional within a few days as Mr opposed to what sort of people they get so upset about it? fire engineers, who were also present Rogers is already in possesion of are and how qualified they are. ADS: I'm merely illustrating the at the time (although quite how all replacement parts for the damaged ADS: OK, you said that this was point that you seem to be promising those people managed to squeezed unit. However, Mr Cox said that the one of your main priorities, so how rather a lot to St Mary's and very into the room at the same time room will "require a fresh coat of will you actually do it? little to South Kensington. remains a mystery!) paint" and one or two of the ceiling The room was home to several tiles will need to be replaced. The Voting in all departments on Monday 19th thousand fruit-flies and Mr Cox's sole remaining problem is that of the immediate priority was to remove distinct smoke-like odour of the fruit and Tuesday 20th May. For details of how these occupants to safety; after first flies. to vote, see box on page four. CLE FOR CHAnrf f WITH THE CCS SHQp

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Valid at 28 Old Brompton Road. Valid Until May 1997 4 NEWS FELIX FRIDAY 16TH MAY St Mary's elections look for equality

KENT YIP second year pre-clinical student, has do his best to overcome the antago- belief in being involved with the run- The Student Union of St Mary's declared his intention to go for the nistic feeling between the medics and ning of the union early on; he saw his Hospital Medical School may well sabbatical president post. It has been the rest of the College, though he junior position in the medical school have its first ever full time sabbatical suspected that the requirement to maintained that he would be against as an advantage, because by the time president next academic year, putting take a year out for this job has any deliberate move to force the the merger would take place, he it on par with all the other medical deterred other potential candidates medics to integrate against their would still be in his first clinical year, schools in London. The election has from coming forward. Another per- wish. He would also try to keep up and thus would have both the time been scheduled for next Thursday son who has also strongly expressed the excellent reputation of St Mary's and experience to continue to help 22nd and Friday and 23rd May, and his wish to contest for the VPE post in its music, drama and sporting running the union of the new medical hustings will take on Wednesday the but yet to confirm his candidature is achievement when the new intakes school. He would also like to encour- 21st May. Andrew King. arrive. Closer to home, his concern age more people from his year to be Since the nomination paper will Speaking to Felix, Mr Smith listed would be to the keep the med school involved with the SU. He wanted to not come down until this Friday, only education, medics' identity, and their bars at the separate hospital sites help develop a fierce pride for ICSM three candidates so far have put their social life after the merger to be his open. among the new intakes, and saw the names forward to stand for positions main priorities. He would like to Mr Jenkins, candidate for the post current postural gesture adopted by in the executive committee of the ensure that equal attention would be of VPE, is currently the first year rep some medics against the rest of the union. Nick Jenkins, Dave Shepherd, paid to the educational needs of the in the Student Union, and has only College as damaging. and Chris Lawrence are the sole can- current students on the old curricu- been at Mary's for one year. In refut- Other posts to be contested include didates for Vice President External, lum by the new medical school, ing the accusation that his sole inten- Vice President Internal, Treasurer, Information Rep and Accom- which concentrated most of its effort tion for taking up the job was to use Social Rep, Deputy Social Rep, modation Rep respectively. At the on the new course recently. On the it as a stepping stone to further his Clubs and Societies Rep, Education time of print, only Andrew Smith, a issue of merger, he said that he would own political career, he explained his Rep, Welfare Rep and Bar Manager. Disgruntled Scots unis to leave NUS Dogs on

DAVID ROBERTS The Conference was widely per- The Scottish Universities, howev- campus The "nightmare" that was the recent ceived to have been hijacked by the er, have more specific complaint National Union of Students National two primary political factions within with the National Union. As well as continued from front page Conference in Blackpool has led sev- the movement - the controlling "New dissatisfaction with the Blackpool Hospital, will be the responsibility of eral universities to consider whether Labour" group and the rival Conference, they site alleged forgery Imperial College and will be run to join ICU and be outside of the Campaign for Free Education - who, and corruption within the Scottish from the South Kensington Campus. nationwide Union. Aberdeen, according to ULU President Sarah NUS. At the meeting of the Scottish Mobile dog patrols will be a good Stirling, Paisley, Kings, LSE and White intimidated the remaining del- Executive to decide what was to be way of keeping in contact with off- Bristol are all considering referenda egates, successfully stopping them discussed in Blackpool, Keith site security officers." to disassociate themselves, and speaking. For example, in line with Robson, President of the NUS in It is planned that the patrols will Sheffield Hallam go to the ballot Labour policy, the NUS has recently Scotland, produced a letter which start at midday at off-campus sites boxes next week to decide their given up it's bitter struggle to retain proxied him the vote of Ros Smith, and continue until the early hours of future. grants, in favour of a loan-based sys- from Langside College, Glasgow. the morning. On the South tem. Such political affiliation is noth- However, Ms Smith says that the let- Kensington Campus, there will be HOW TO VOTE ing new - in the recent General ter had a forged signature, spelt her random patrols made during the Election five former NUS Presidents name wrong, and was not on College night, with extra attention at peak became MP's. However, the level of notepaper. Rob Shorthouse of hours, such as when the Union clos- To vote you will need: barracking and in-fighting were con- Stirling University claims that he has es. sidered far worse than anything seen copies of forged documents, not only 1. your union card, Security have advertised in-house in recent years, with the Glasgow SU from Langside, but from many other for dog handlers and Mr Weir has 2. to find a ballot box, describing the NUS as representing Scottish universities. already had several applications. 3. to ask the person "not students but political parties" Students of Aberdeen University However, as the dog effectively manning the box for This view was compounded when, immediately began attempts to disaf- becomes the handler's 'pet', there your ballot paper, without any consultation of dele- filiate, and rapidly gained five-hun- are many prerequisites and the appli- 4. to wait patiently gates, the National Executive dred signatures on a petition calling cants have to be properly vetted. If Committee (described as "a bunch of for a ballot. However, the petition enough handlers are found in-house, while they punch your middle-class twats" by Scottish rep- had to be withdrawn, as leaving NUS then no extra handlers will be hired. card and cross off your resentatives) cut the final day of the would mean loosing the services of Mr Weir is optimistic as to the name, Conference, so that delegates had a NUS Services Ltd, who, in return for success of the scheme but is aware chance to "assist campaigning in the £30 000 a year, provide the cut price that he may receive a lot of com- 5. a pen (often provid- General Election" in their drinks on which their Union relies. plaints. He was keen to reassure stu- ed), Universities. Mary Page, President of The loss of NUSSL would, accord- dents and staff that "Though the 6. to mark your first Sheffield Hallam, was "deeply ing to their President, "send the dogs might be considered intimidat- depressed" by the Conference, and as Union to the wall". However, now ing by some, they are not there to preference with a " 1", a result organised their forthcoming that rival company Northern Services subdue or attack, they are simply an 7. to mark your next referendum. Eric Allsop, ICU are up-and-running, charging only extension of the handler and there to preference (if you have President, has offered her his full £25 each year, the possibility for protect them." Confident that the support and knowledge of how stu- Aberdeen and other like-minded dogs will reduce crime, Mr Weir one) with a "2", dents unions can survive outside the Universities to join ICU in the pri- said that "...with dogs IC will be a 8. to enjoy! NUS. vate-sector is now greater than ever. far safer place." Friday &us>\-A-Gv% Comedy Club TOPifctigtteicgmrt Open Mic Semis with Boothhy Graffoe 8pm, dBs. £2.50/£2 §>P TART 9-2. free b4 9/ £1 after Saturday FA CUP FINAL 1pm CHELSEA v MIDDLESBORO Budweiser Dollar Auction 7pm POP TOOTS. 8-12. FREE Tues vBar fill; rivia win £50 !! 8.30. Davinci's Weds frohx ! i; Thurs I* i TAil NiqhT rices and sp^pimis ail night

iCU PART OF YOUR STUDENTS' UNION IMPF.R IAL f 0LLF0EI (WON you are here

Exhibition you are here is an exhibition of re-sited installations by that the floor became a 'floating floor', unstable and wet. contemporary artists from Europe, the USA and Brazil. The notice under the title read: "Please take care when Today is the last "What is installation art?" you may ask. Well, its concept viewing this work". So I cautiously apprehended fhe cross- chance to view is that of art as an experience of situation rather than of ing with my high heels, surprised and amused. you are here at object. Installation art places the viewer inside the cre- The introduction of an element of physical risk renders the Royal College ation, enwraps him and makes him physically experience the work exciting in a way we are not used to when view- of Art, next to the the work through a combination of elements of sight, ing art. It also leaves a place, more than ever, to the sound, scent and touch. It seeks to awaken the senses. option of physical escape from the work for who refuses Royal Albert Hall, The viewer is not an external part of the work anymore to animate it. from 11pm until and participation is rendered unavoidable. In some cases Soon after this unexpected change of environment, I 6pm, so nip up even, the viewer becomes an indispensable element of was led into another one, though in a different way. there in your the it; as soon as he penetrates it, he becomes part of it Suddenly, upon pushing the doors of Mike Bode's lunch-break! and sort of makes it come to life. The work immediately Corridor, in the middle of the gallery, I was transported, assigns a role to him. relocated, in a hospital setting. As naturally as I had One enters the Royal College of Art to the sound of the entered, I came out of it to find myself again in the familiar Niagara Falls. One is then led throughout the gallery by environment of the gallery. the yarn of 1380 unwound bobbins. I was then drawn to long, thick, heavy, blue velvet cur- Some installations are disconcerting. One of them, I tains which were obviously hiding something. They were must confess, Ceal Floyer's Working Title, has led to the an irresistible invitation to curiosity. As if I was going to growth of a lawn of question marks in my head: I was flout the rules, I discreetly peaked in to discover a large drawn to the centre of an empty space, empty but for a dark room, with a single spotlight - an offer for the viewer CD-player and two loudspeakers laid on the floor, from to enter the scene and participate in some way, support- which was emanating the repetitive sound of the digging ed by a gentle feminine voice, suggesting Tap your

SFIW of sand. shoes"... 1081/1! I left the room very perplexed, but my attention was immediately captured by the following exhibit. This one Take a break from revision and visit this exhibition full of was going to require my complete participation. I was novelties and other surprises and do not miss the excel- facing a corridor. The parquet had been taken away, the lent slide show on the object of this event - just be careful floor dug a little and filled with water. The parquet had on which chair you sit...! then been a bit reduced in size and put back again, so Danuta The Stones of Kolin ypuf [nil Thpiif IP soon becomes engrossed in the peddlar's talk. She soon fcllU III Vlltl W The stones of ATo//h (pronounced Colleen The New End and Colin as we had originally assumed) is introduced as discovers she has her own role to play in Jewish history. a Bohemian Jewish Rhapsody. It tells us the tale of the The music varies wildly but successfully in style from Theatre's next pro-Jews of Kolin, a small Czech town 60km east of Prague, Dvorak to modern music written specifically for the play duction, The from the late 14th Century to the present day. The title the story is in parts tragic and in parts comic but thor- Cracked Comic by refers to the physical and spiritual building blocks of the oughly captivating throughout. Roger Parrott, playing the Stewart Permutt, town and the headstones in the old Jewish cemetery part of Eli, the peddlar, held the attention of the audience runs until June 1st.wher e the story starts. through a complicated plot. Ann Marcusson was engag- A young Jewish tourist visiting, the deserted cemetery, ing as the young tourist. Overall a very entertaining pro- Tickets £5 - £12, encounters an old peddlar who tells her the story of its duction with a pub conveniently located next door. phone 0171 794 inhabitants. As the story unfolds, the characters come to 0022 for details. life. The girl is initially complacent about her heritage but Giles and Hobbes Why I think I am not a Scientist Paul Goodfellow On Thursday 8th May Paul Goodfellow, an approach that did not acknowledge intuitive and artis- the College's first Visiting Artist, spoke in tic representation. the central library to a packed audience of staff and stu- As a result, Paul made the decision to end his research dents on 'Why I think I am not a Scientisf. Paul discussed and become a full-time Artist. His current role as Visiting his transition from Scientist to Artist in the context of his Artist at Imperial College will be important in developing a work with Geographical Information Systems and Remote greater understanding of the synergy between Art and Sensing. He emphasised the neglect of aesthetics in the Science and the implications for a digital era. practice of scientific methods and his dissatisfaction with Anna Bozic art and theatre The Berlin of George Grosz

This is not your run-of-the-mill exhibition. Any visitor its cabarets. The people that stare out of this sketches Exhibition expecting to see rows of pretty (or not so pretty) paintings have a vacant forlorn look in their eyes. There is no hope will be deeply disappointed. However, if you wan to study left in the Berlin that Grosz draws. The Berlin of the role an artist can play in society, then it is well worth Grosz' political activism developed with his conscription George Grosz is taking a look at the drawings, watercolours and prints of into the army during the first World War. He resented being exhibited at the cartoonist and political satirist George Grosz. authoritarianism of the officers and their attitude towards the Royal Academy Grosz, born in Berlin, grew up in a small town the soldiers as cannon-fodder. He returned to Berlin with of Arts, Burlington Pomerania, now in Poland. Fascinated by luridly illustrat- a bitter hatred of authority and mankind in general. His ed pulp-fiction, Westerns and adventure stories, he decid- sense of the macabre futility of war comes to the fore in House, Piccadilly, ed to become an illustrator. After a spell at the Art The Faith Healers which shows an army doctor declaring until the 8th June. Academy in Dresden, he returned to the Berlin School of a cadaver fit for active service. Arts and Crafts in 1912. He was to remain here until the After the war, he became a committed member of the advent of Hitler as German Chancellor, charting the seedi- German Communist Party and agitated against the gov- ness and political corruption in the Berlin of the Weimar ernment of the Weimar Republic which to him was just a Republic and its descent into the grips of the Nazis. continuation, under a different name, of the old autocratic Grosz early work is that of a non-conformist, a rebel Prussian system. His political cartoons were published in against the narrow-mindedness of the German Burger. radical journals along with the work of Brecht, Weill and His drawings such as The Lost Happiness Cafe depict the Tucholsky. Looking at these drawings, you can see why decadent violent side of Berlin, notorious in particular for the tradition of political cartoonist still flourishes: Grosz' message comes across loud and clear. I am tempted to say that his work has a further reaching effect than that of his more literary fellow communists. In Memory of Rosa Luxembourg and Karl Liebknecht for example exposes the brutal murder of these revolutionaries by the authorities. However, Grosz became more and more disillusioned with communism. During a visit to the newly created Soviet Union, he saw at first hand the effects of communism. Instead of an egalitarian society, he found brutal repression, need- less violence and censorship which confirmed his bitter opin- ion of mankind. His work slowly veers away from propaganda towards satirical observation. He records without judgement people going about their lives. With the inexorable rise of Hitler, Grosz decided to leave Germany for his childhood

jrf", ( dream, America. This exhibition charts Germany's catastrophic slide towards the Second World War. It also made me realise though what an immense power the media has to influence people. It is in a way frightening to think that the work of just one political artist can explain and to some extent influence the mood of an entire nation. Emma art and theatre p The Foo Fighters have got Ladies And Gentlemen We Are Floating In ing on voluntary contributions to run its FREE ^4 a new album out entitled The Space, on May 26. Look out for the review in HELPLINE for missing persons and their families. * Colour And The Shape which was next week's Felix. They provide a 'Message Home' service so that released on Monday. Primal Scream are Tomorrow, May 17 will see musical goings- adults or young people who do not want to go soon to confirm a number of big tent shows on up and down the country to raise funds for home can send a message to lei their families over summer. They look set to take place in the National Missing Persons Helpline know it's OK. That number is 0500 700 740. Glasgow on August 2, Hackney Victoria Park (NMPH) under the banner of WHERE ARE YOU? The musical goings mentioned are The on August 9 and 10 and near Dublin Castle on These happenings will include three London Charlatans playing an all nighter gig at The either August 16 or 17. This year's Music events with all proceeds going to this chronical- Brixton Academy with plenty of special guests Industry Soccer Six is to be held at Fulham's ly underfunded but vital organisation. The including Monaco and James Dean Bradfield Craven Cottage ground on May 18. Among NMPH is a charity that gives support to families (Monies lead singer bloke). Also at The those playing will be The Prodigy, Symposium, of the 250,000 people who, for what ever rea- Borderline there will be a special acoustic night Robbie Williams and Blur. The Tindersticks son go missing in the UK every year. They give featuring Mark Moriss (lead singer bloke from release a new album, Curtains in mid June and priority to the most vulnerable cases- the sick, the Bluetones) and Hurricane No. 1. All pro- Spiritualised are set to release a new LP, the young and the old and the distressed, rely- ceeds will go to NMPH. THE LEVELLERS Brixton Academy . LIVE So, they've been around the block a few times now, and after four albums and many more charge. Inevitably when they came on , the first years playing their politically motivated act of celebration was to give a verbal two fin- anthems in support of such noble causes as gered salute to that nice man Michael Portillo. travellers' rights and social justice you might The songs from Levelling The Land provoke have thought that they the greatest response from were beginning to tire. the crowd, the jaunty OK, so they don't tour as Boatman and Another The Break is the world s first much as they used to Man's Cause cause helpless global contest for unsigned and they don't sell more T- uncontrollable sing-alongs bands and solo artists. So if P than and The Riverflow initiates a ^fij'i'Ushirts you're in a band or a budding ILL^LJrecords any- frenzied passionate mosh more, a feat only along with the obligatory solo wannabe come down to th matched by total shouts of 'Oil' thrown in. A Felix office and pick up an entry 10059? T-shirt mer- few oldies come up like chants like Neds and Carry Me though they steer Carter. They aren't exactly clear of their Levellers adorning the front covers album. One Way with its of music publications any- poignant message of basi- more either, but they still cally, choose your own way manage to fill the 5000 of life, drains the energy out capacity Academy to the of even the most apathetic brim. members in the room, and There's quite a mixed thankfully a slow acoustic bunch here tonight, you've number follows. got your hard-core Exit the Levellers, and crusties, dreads and Renter for the first encore. German paras to boot Exit, then back again for and the older loyal fans encore number two. Still not who have returned to had enough they are back experience the full again for a third, opening onslaught of the Levs live. Scattered around are with the revolution inciting Subvert and to think also groups of the so called 'kids'. that Blair and co. had only just about stepped The timing of this gig couldn't have been bet- through the doorway of number 10. ter, coming as it did the same day we all dis- Jason covered that a new Labour government was in

Wed 28th May Super Furry Animals ULU Fri/Sat 16/17th May The Charlatans, Sold Out. Friday 30th May Morphine Brixton Academy The Garage M/T 19/20th May Nick Cave + the Bad Sat 5th July Kiss, Rage Against The Seeds Machine, Skumk Br more info you can find Royal Albert Hall Anansie, Ifitails on the world wide web at W/Th 28/29th May Foo Fighters Thunder and L7 http://www.thebreak.com Astoria Finsbury Park music GUTTER EROTICA A I U M S Penthouse If you're going to name your band after a soft- SALAD Heaven which nestled among many other bril- porn mag, you're not likely to be purveyors of Ice Cream liant songs. That was a good album. On Ice candy sweet teeny-bop guitar pop. This is the Hang on a minute. The opening chords of the Cream, there's nothing to blues, but a modem, grunge tinged blues first song, UV, sound like Blur. No, maybe compare even for a A with attitude. As a reviewer in a national Sleeper? Relax, it isn't THAT bad (whilst compar- second. Most of it music paper said. This could rip the arse off isons with Blur are definitely complimentary, to moves along with an you." be compared to Sleeper is nasty I know, sorry). almost lethargic tone, Listening to the album you get the impres- This is Salad returning with their follow-up to in the musical sense, sion that the band are |ust having a laugh. their debut album of a few years back, Drink and the whole album Jamming away and drinking with intent. Me. sounds like songs that fl They're just having fun! The music doesn't Formed in 1992, they have yet to really 'break' were rejected from make much sense until you're rat-arsed. Only the industry. Their fan base remains small yet their debut. Don't get me1 then can you appreciate and relate to the sure and there is always that hope that they will wrong, I do like Salad. It's swaggering, drunken boisterousness of the become the next big thing. However, they are just that this is very disap- lead guitar, the biuesy harmonica and also always keen to stress that, although pointing, thafs all - con- Hammond, the incoherent yells of the singer, becoming big would be welcome, they would sidering how long ifs the baseness of the drums and the sheer filth- never pander to any commercial stereotypes in taken to come iness of the gut turning base line. order to get there. Noble comments indeed. So out. (4) Comparisons could be made with the John what explains the blatant pop ditty that is their Alok Spencer blues explosion and Gallon!???) latest single, Cardboy King? Did someone sug- drunk with a pinch of Offspring thrown in for gest that sometimes you just have to give in good measure. The Beauty in the Beast is a and get a decent hit to please record company complete piss-take with some "dodgy" lyrics management? I don't know, but at least they and groaning PI) sounds. The singer whining haven't carried this on throughout the whole "She gives me the horn." album. Although sometimes it sounds like it Not everyone will like Penthouse B-fTiV would have been an idea to do so. as it can sound little more than Most of the other songs remain staunchly chaotic noise. The problem is that Salad-y. On these, Marijne's voice lilts from this type of blues isn't anywhere near the sweet and gentle [Broken Bira) to shrill as good when you are sober. I and angry [Namedrops). The problem is However, this band certainly won't go by that there's nothing particularly outstanding unnoticed and at the very least provide a here. On their last album, there was Drink refreshing change. The verdict: 6 if sober, 8 if the Elixir, Man with a Box and Motorbike To drunk, giving an average of (7) ' Martin

Alabama 3 - Woke Up This Morning Monaco - Sweet Lips The Blunted Boy Wonder - Crossroads Who knows why this has the title it does, but The same bassline sound prevails, but Peter Replete with funk guitar loops, this excellent Alabama 3's new single is night music to get Hook's new band are poppy enough to top the techno tune grooves along in a Daft Punk you dancing and keep you dancing. charts. disco style.

Babyfoird - Comershop Essential C h o o n Faith No More - Ashes To Ashes Nevermind Cornershop, you get the original Cola - Shush Faith No More return with a slow-building

1991 demo version of You're Gorgeous on the The: next big thing? Most certainly. The melody which hides a top notch rock sore, B-side, unsigned Cola will soon be up there with the One of the few old metal groups that stiff deliv- Chemicals and the Prodigy vying for elbow Carrie - The Birds room in the music that is shaping Ihe nineties Playltsted on Radjp One, but Carrie will have to Silver Jet - Piasliqua try much harder to win playtime on my stereo. Stop start harmonies and guitars, typical col- JamM lege rock, yawn; perpetual undewhievement. Fundamental - Ja She Taan Great expectations lead to grave disappoint- A - Bad Idea Velvet Jones - Worrying About Your Life ments, Fundamental's new ethnic style contin- Goofball Amerio nk pop which races Derivative fifth generation Britpop, three years ues to alienate even the most dedicated fans. around at breaknS d but is about noth- ' out of data. They're trying hard but it never ing in particular really sets the universe in motion. The Nicotines - Planet X As its a few years since Smash and These Big Buddha - Be Here Now White Town - Undressed Animal Men hit the charts, I suppose The A rather dated dance-rock fusion, something The triumphant follow up to Your Woman finds Nicotines must be the new wave of new wave like the all new U2 but without the high cost Jyoti Mishra in typically maudlin mood sup- of new wave. production. ported by those idiosyncratic retro-electro arrangements. Michael

music Candyskins, Smaller, Earl Brutus, Twang, Urban Species, Jhelisa, D- News Extra Proper, Groop Dogdrill, One Inch Influence, Roy Ayers, Courtney Pine, The Essential Music Festival, held in Punch, Vitro, Man With No Name, Paul Afro Celt Sound System, Fun-DA- Stanmer Park, Brighton, is now in its Oakenfold, Alabama 3, Dave Ralph. Mental, Loop Guru, Nitin Sawhney, 7th year, and has become one of the Electric Groove Temple, Baby Fox, country's top music events. Held over ROOTS DAY Mon May 26th Rockers Hi-Fi, Max Romeo8cJohnny this coming Bank Holiday - Saturday Brand New Heavies, Bunny Wailer, Clarke, Dub Warriors, Keziah Jones, May 24th to Monday 26th, takes in J.T.Q., Third World, Zion Train, Asian The Wailers, Kitachi, Toots and the dance, indie, rock, reggae, hip-hop Dub Foundation, Bim Sherman, Maytails, Frankie Oliver, Mafia and and jazz over its three days. More Luciano, Culture, The Twinkle Fluxy Kente, Runaways (Ultimate information can be found at the web- Brothers, Buju Banton, Israel Dilema) + DJ Andy Smith (Portishead site http://www. essential- Vibrations, Junior Delgado, Misty In tour DJ). music. co.uk or by ringing 0891 230 Roots, Ice-T, Grand Master Flash, 190. So there's the blurb, now here is Jungle Brothers, Afrika Bambaataa, A fantastic line up, we're sure you'll your definitive list of the top bands Jeru The Damaja, Artifacts, Prophets agree. Brighton is not that far, so hop playing. of Da City, The Brotherhood, Blak on the train and enjoy the choons!

DANCE DAY Sat May 24th Future Sound Of London, SEMI-FINALS Dreadzone, Apollo 440, The THURSDAY 8th MAY Aloof, Olive, Arkana, Laika, LUTON UNIVERSITY Terminalhead, Lewis Taylor, UNION The Underground Chemical Brothers, 808 Box Office: 01582 489 366 State, Death In vegas, Doors: 8.30pm Spooky, The Orb, Eat Static, System 7, Lionrock, Bandulu, SATURDAY 10th MAY Banco de Gaia, LTJ Bukem, LOUGHBOROUGH UNION Project 23, Squarepusher, The Auditorium SnrHf Attica Blues, The Box Office: 01509 632 Oil Doors: 8.00pm 1081/11 Herbaliser, Fabio and Grooverider SUNDAY 11th MAY back to back, LIVERPOOL 10059? Kemistry and Storm, UNIVERSITY Jumping Jack Frost, Randall, GUILD Peshay, Roni Size, DJ Krust, Uncle Piehead's Comedy Parlour The Advent, Planetary Box Office: 0151 709 9108 Doors: 8.00pm Assault System, Kumo, Propellerheads, The Dirty MONDAY 12th MAY Beatniks, Bentley Rhythm EDINBURGH Ace, Hard Knox, Lo-Fi UNIVERSITY Allstars. STUDENT'S ASSOCIATION The Pleasance Cabaret Bar INDIE DAY Sun May 25th Box Office: 0131 650 2349 The Levellers, Shed Seven, Doors: 8.00pm Korn, Helmet, 3 Colours % Red, 60ft Dolls, The THURSDAY 15th MAY Wannadies, Silver Sun, CARDIFF UNIVERSITY UNION Fountains Of Wayne, The Terminal Stereophonies, Hurricane Box Office: 01222 396 421 Doors: 8.00pm no.l, Space, The Boo BRITAIN'S Radleys, Teenage Fanclub, FRIDAY 16th MAY Gorky's Zygotic Mynci, Beth IGGEST IMPERIAL Orton, Sneaker Pimps, COLLEGE UNION Subcircus, Jocasta, Dweeb, Bust-a-Gut Comedy Club COMEDY Box Office: 0171 594 8068 Terrorvision, Bodycount fea- Doors: 8.00pm turing Ice-T, Audioweb, TALENT SEARC Morphine, Redd Kross, Baby Bird, My Life Story, POSTED BY, Symposium, Tiger, Tickets £2.50 NATIONAL Chumbawamba, Monaco, wTT BOOTJ NETWORK Supernaturals, Kenickie, The Dharmas, Salad, Black Star GRAFFO Liner, Linoleum, Lewis "I WAS SWEPT AWAY Taylor, Arnold, Don, She, ON A TIDAL WAVE OF IDIOTIC LAUGHTER'' music NME HIGH SCHOOL HIGH

Naked Gun and Airplane! creator David Zucker takes on Dangerous Minds in his latest spoof, High School High. It tells the unlikely tale of idealistic Richard Clark (Jon Lovitz) The Birdcage who leaves an exclusive private academy to join the front line at a Competition delapidated inner-city high school. This page is rapidly becom- He is convinced that these kids ing the competition page it seems! As from next week, should be allowed to have the same there are no more film experiences that his private-school reviews, just countless pupils did - dating, going to proms chances to win freebies. and begging for sex. Anyway, a couple of weeks In most David Zucker spoofs the ago we gave you the story would be immaterial, merely a opportunity to win The means of filling the foreground Birdcage on video, courtesy whilst the majority of jokes take of those kind folk at MGM/UA. The question place in the background. However, was "Which secret agent High School High is a far cry from his other films, both in est focuses entirely on just one not-particularly good film, featured in Mrs Doubtfire terms of style and quality. For a start, there's no Leslie Dangerous Minds. This means its unavoidably a one-gag with Robin Williams?". The Nielsen. Many would no doubt be more than slightly film, which it uses up in the first few minutes. To avoid answer was, of course, relieved at this. Unfortunately, though, the replacement is making the repetition obvious, a storyline is introduced to Pierce Brosnan. the relatively unknown Jon Lovitz and his quips and facial pad out the joke. Even then the plot is an exact replica of The lucky winners are expressions just don't compare with those of the Michelle Pfeifer's film, with the disillusioned youngsters David Roberts of Physics Donahue-lookalike. Ifs not that he's unfunny, as years of finally coming around to Lovitz and deciding "they wanna and Ralph Stear of appearing on Saturday Night Live testify, ifs just that only learn". In fact, the teenagers are the best actors in the Mechanical Engineering. Nielsen could bring off some of the immensely daft one- film, especially Mekhi Phifer. (This is apparently her real 5 liners in the script. name, and not yet another hilarious comic moment The fact that this film has anything resembling a plot based on Michelle Pfeifer). The film is short at one and a gives away High School High's main weakness. Whereas half hours, hinting that even the director knew there Naked Gun et al were parodies of a whole genre, and wasn't much funny material. 16058? therefore had plenty of material to work with, Zucker's lat- Chris

Another opportunity to see the latest film for absolutely nothing this week. We have yet more free tickets to give away courtesy of the Odeon Kensington. The latest release is The Relic, a good old-fashioned horror movie about a less-than-mythical creature living in the basement CINEMAS of New York's Natutal History Museum. Once again the indescribably nice guys at our local cinema are donating THE FIVE pairs of tickets to those who know the answer to the following question: 'The monster in The Relic comes from the same coffee-making South American country as the snake in Anaconda. Which country is this?" | Anaconda's Jennifer topez. Surely too pretty for snake fodder? | Last week we asked for the name of the star of Mission Impossible. This ridiculously easy question meant there HI were hat-fulls of entries with the correct answer, Tom Cruise. The winners receiving a pair of tickets for Anaconda are: Mark Rossiter Computing ±4 Yee Kien Ling Chem Eng Martin Jones Maths Jason Ramanathan Chem Eng P. Ratcliffe Physics fe±7l Come to the office on Monday to collect your tickets or Penelope Anne Miller and Tom Sizemore "star" in The Relic. e-mail us if you want them posted in the internal mail.

film Yoga Classes, Southside Gym [email protected] 12.30pm African-Caribbean Soc (Regular) 5.30pm Fitness Club (Regular) Friday16thMay Weekly meeting, Rm G02, Materials Aerobics (advanced), Southside Gym 12.00pm Felix News Meeting STEP Aerobics (advanced), Southside Gym. dept. RSM 6pm Bridge Club (Regular) OPEN Felix Office Beit Quad. 8pm Bust-A-Gut Comedy Club 12.30pm Parachute Club(Regular) Clubs Committee Room, Union Building 1pm Hamsoc (Regular) It's coming home... Tonight we've got a Southside Upper Lounge 7pm Canoe Club (Regular) MIC Top Floor, Union Building. dozen of the south's top stand-up newcom- 1pm Audio Soc (Regular) Canoe Club Store in Beit Quad, or at the swimming pool at 7.30pm AWARD 1pm Photo Soc (Regular) ers, in the Daily Telegraph Open Mic semi Brown Committee Room, Union Building Southside Lounge. finals. The show is compered by Perrier 1pm Yacht Club Meeting (Regular) 7.30pm IQ (Regular) 1.10pm RAG Meeting (Regular) nominee, and firm favourite Boothby Graffoe, Physics Lecture Theatre 3, Lvl 1. Brown Committee Room, Union Building dBs. and all this is yours for just £2.50 / £2 with 3pm Pakistan Soc (Regular) 8pm ICCAG (Regular) 1.10pm Islamic Soc (Regular) an entscard. Basketball in the Union Gym, anyone wel- Soup Run for the hornless Friday Prayer, Southside Gym. (Brothers And to keep you away from your beds, come Meet Weeks Hall Basement and Sisters). indulge yourself in a mouthful of Pop Tarts - 5pm Circus Skills Soc (Regular) 8pm Da Vinci's Bar Trivia 1.15pm Labour Club (Regular) the ideal anti-depressant. 9-2. Free before 9 Table Tennis Room, Union Building Yet another chance to win some easy Southside upper Lounge. / £1 after. 5.30pm Radio Modellers Club (Regular) money in DaVinci's ... Bar Trivia. The fun 1.30pm Felix Reviews and Science Free Women's Minibus Service MechEng Main Workshop (Rm 190), e-mail starts at 8.30, and ifs free to enter. meeting First run at 12.00 midnight. 5.30pm Fitness Club (Regular) Last run at Union closing time. Wednesday2lstMay 12.30pm Islamic Society (Regular] 5pm Fitness Club (Regular) Saturday17thMav Sister's Circle, Prayer Room STEP Aerobics (inter), Southside Gym 12.00pm FA Cup Final on the big Screen DaVinci's. Followed by the special Budweiser 12.45pm Sporting Motorcycle Club 6.00pm ICU Cinema - Shine The biggest match on the biggest screen Dollar Bill Auction, with a shedload of good- (Regular) 6.30pm Chess Club (Regular) ... The FA Cup Final. Chelsea v Middlesboro. ies to be given away at 7pm, and a return Southside Upper Lounge Brown Committee Room, Union 3rd Floor All the pre match news and action LIVE inm visit from the Pop Tarts. 8-12. And ifs all FREE. 1pm Wargames (Regular) 7pm Shoolin Kung Fu Nam Pai Chuan Table Tennis Room, Union Building Beginners Welcome, Souhside Gym lpm IC Rifle and Pistol Club (Regular) 7.30pm IC Symphony Orchestra (Regular) Sports Centre, Great Hall Monday19thMay lpm Fitness Club (Regular) 8pm Frolix! 12.30pm Artsoc (Regular) Want to write and never had the chance? Aerobics (beg/inter), Southside Gym Breaking down the days of tedium ...frolix! SCR, Union Building Well, now is the time to discover the budding 2pm Photo Soc 8-12. FREE, dBs. 12.30pm Ski Club Meeting (Regular) journalist thafs been hiding away for so Lessons, Darkroom 8.30pm ICU Cinema - Mars Attacks! Southside Upper Lounge long! Felix Office, northwest corner of Beit. 12.30pm Fitness Club (Regular) 6pm IC Methsoc (Regular) Circuit Training, Southside Gym All faiths welcome. Basement 10 2pm Deadline for Diary, Soc. Pages Princes' Gardens. Thursday22ndMay 5.30pm Fitness Club (Regular) 6.30pm Fitness Club (Regular) 12.30pm Amnesty International (Regular) 5.30pm Fitness Club (Regular) IC CHOIR dB's e-mail s.trivedi or [email protected] Aerobics (intermediate!, Southside Gym Aerobics (beginners), Southside Gym Aerobics (intermediate), Southside Gym CONCERT 5pm Felix News and Features meet- 7.30pm IC Sirrfonia (Regular) 12.30pm Fitness dub (Regular) 6.00pm ICU Cinema - Mars Attacks ing Great Hall, All players welcome. Body Toning [beginners), Southside Gym 6.15pm IC Choir Rehearsals (Regular) BERNSTEIN BURBFli lpm Consoc Meeting (Regular) New Members Welcome, Mech Eng 342 TIPPET! 8pm ICCAG (Regular) Southside Upper Lounge 8pm Friday 1pm Fell Wanderers (Regular) Meet Weeks Hall Basement 23rd May. Tuesday20thMay Southside Upper Lounge 8pm Da Vinci's Cocktail Night Tickets £2.50 Union Building Foyer. Fairly traded goods lpm Gliding Club (Regular) Shaken, but definitely not stirred - a night 12pm Colhsoc (Regular) In advance Mass and lunch, Leon Bagrit Centre, for sale: stationery coffee, choco Room 266 Aero Eng. of glamour and Cinzano Happy hour prices from ICU Office Lvl 1 Mech Eng late. 1.10pm RAG Meeting (Regular) and special offers all night. mS Choir 12-2 pm 'Fair Trade' Stall (Regular) 12.15 Yoga Soc (Regular) dB's 8.30pm ICU Cinema - Shine numbers FELIX FRIDAY 16TH MAY COLUMNS 13 You are a beastly lot! Saying all I hardly noticed it, let alone used its the much-respected Dunn and that this misfortune would have hap- those nasty things about Ian facilities, the idea seemed, I thought, Bradstreet for this purpose? Some pened if proper procedures and due Caldwell. Yes, I'm talking to you, to be a bit shaky. Almost all of what careless Cafe Express customer mut- diligence checks had been carried Neil Forsyth. I think you slightly it offered could be obtained from tered in earshot that they were not out. Invariably in business, nasty sur- overstepped the mark by suggesting established , , used in this prises are precisely that, the result of that he has no brain. I have had the sources around not doing your homework properly.

case. sh i pleasure of his company and can the College, but Simon Baker Ure y Given the planned changes over the confirm not only evidence of cere- apparently this shome mish- next few years, please tell me that bral activity, but also that the man was not the take? If they I've got it all wrong, Mike Hansen. has a lot of very interesting things to problem. It was were, questions say. Don't get me wrong Imperial, not our end that need to be And finally, a new departure. Ever I'm not apologising for the tent fias- fell flat on its asked over the keen to tend to your every need, dear co or for Mr C's occasional short- face. Being the credit agency. If reader, I thought that it was about comings (for examples see the last 2 arch cynic that I not, someone in time that I offered my assistance in years of Felix). Certainly not, but am, I wrongly the Finance planning those sad moments when softly softly, catchey monkey. I assumed that Division may one finds oneself away from don't want to spend too long with the Finance sold care to inform Imperial. That said, even IC's most tent this week (like most members of ABA a dummy, us as to why. loyal subjects need a break every Chemistry and Physics), since I plan which could Whatever the now and then, and for the first in this to cover it and 'related topics' in the have had nasty case, it con- occasional series, I suggest Istanbul. next issue. Let me just say that no repercussions firms my belief What better than to escape from the one at IC, and I really do mean no for the various that any stench of the lab or the drudgery of one, has persuaded me that this is planned ven- attempts to Southside basement at the end of anything other than a cock of tures around the build on the week and spend a few days in the immense proportions, the result of campus. Phew incredibly mystical city where East meets West. misplaced priorities. what a relief. Ah, voice of reason shaky, but con- Flights are available from £89, though I understand that some peo- hang on a minute. Is it not normal siderable, foun- ple have been able to negotiate much Speaking of cockups, it was disap- practice to run checks on companies dations of Sherfield are doomed to better deals recently. A truly marvel- pointing to hear of the demise of before one enters into an agreement failure. I know that businesses fold lous place. You will send a postcard ABA Copytech barely five minutes with them, so as to avoid being left for a variety of reasons, sometimes at if you go, won't you? after it opened. Though I must admit holding the baby. Does IC not use short notice, but this has shambles scrawled all over it. I cannot believe Westminster Eye - Hamish Common

hings move so like any other organisation, and its decisions can when opposing the Government). Some MPs are quickly these be overruled by a judge. Parliament however is calling for swift action, in order to have the days, especially in supreme (setting aside the European dimension), changes pushed through before the summer recess. Parliament. Labour's and cannot be sued or 'argued with' in any way. A Quite apart from the abhorrent idea that some spectacular majority decision from Parliament comes from its mem- naive reformers could change 400 years of tradi- seems to be going to bers, not from the Government. tion in a few weeks, with no discernible benefits, I some ministers' heads already: Prescott joked that A dangerous tone was being emitted by the new hope the Labour Party have a long think before the building for the Institute of Civil Engineers Minister Without Portfolio, Peter Mandelson (pre- diving headlong into fundamentally altering the "couldn't takes our majority". Gordon Brown has viously Labour's spin-doctor-in-chief) when whole way Parliament works. been criticised for giving independence to the bluntly stated "Labour Members of Parliament Bank of England without seeking the permission have been elected to carry out the manifesto for of Parliament first. Of course a new Government is which we have received an overwhelming man- ANSWERS TO 1084'S expected to make its mark quickly, and Labour date from the public." This is broadly true, and has, starting a number of fresh initiatives already. Labour MPs would be wise not to attempt to ELIMINATION But it must remember the difference between undermine Labour's central pledges. But MPs Government and Parliament. who blindly followed what party elders told them a - Thousand, Foot; For those who are unsure, the difference is fair- may as well be replaced by robots for all the use b - Olive, Tree: they will be to anyone. Not all manifestoes are per- ly simple. People are elected as Members of c - Special, Branch; Parliament by constituencies around the United fect, and Labour will naturally wish to introduce Kingdom, and those MPs may then sit and speak legislation on other areas in their five year term. d - Old, Hand; in the Commons, and also vote on any legislation This is where things may become worrying. e - Pail, Pale; Already the party have introduced disciplinary coming through it. There are no technical restric- f - Bucket, Chemistry; tions on which side an MP may vote for. MPs have procedures for MPs who bring it into 'disrepute'. a duty to their constituents to examine bills and This heavy-handedness at the top of the party is g - Dark, Horse; scrutinise their content, for which they receive an anti-democratic and dangerous for anyone, what- h - Cow, Chicken; ever their political allegiance. Already Mr Blair allowance to hire researchers. In practice, MPs i - Yellow, Belly; take 'the whip' of a particular party when they announced the change in Prime Minister's ques- arrive in the House, and are expected (but do not tions from two 15 minute sessions to one 30 j - New, Dehli; always) vote in line with their party's wishes. The minute session per week, something that was k - Curry, Ingratiate; specifically rejected by the Procedure Committee leader of the party controlling a majority of MPs 1 - Oil, Well; is then invited to form a government by the Queen. (which is part of Parliament) recently. Other ideas He or she then selects ministers - usually from espoused by reformers is to change the shape of m - Red, Sauce; Parliament, but not always - to run the the seating in the Commons from the opposing n - Treasure, Island; pews to a horseshoe shape, like many other Government. The Government does all the run- o - Crown, Jewels, ning of the country, whereas Parliament makes the Parliaments, since they apparently don't like the laws within which the Government must work. atmosphere created by this 'confrontational' The Government cannot make law, it can be sued arrangement (it didn't seem much of a problem leaving SPICE! 14 NOTICES FELIX FRIDAY 16TH MAY

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GET READY - GET FRESH! Access, Visa, Mastercard, Cash, Cheques FELIX FRIDAY 16TH MAY LETTERS & EDITORIAL 15

LETTERS TO FELIX V;::;::,fl _ _ _

poll in history. Well done, David. Felix out of turn Keep up the good work. Your faithfully, A\r ELIX Student Newspaper of Imperial College Dear Alex, Chris Coote, Warwick University I would like to comment on your Editor Alex Fe^kes / Advertising Manager Mark Baker whimsical cartoon regarding Ian From what I've seen of your own I would like to invite you to join me ing away from the members of ICU Caldwell in issue 1083 at the end of effort, Warwick Boar, I wouldn't on a trip to another world, where is a pointless twisting of fact. We are last term. I've been associated with shout too loudly, but I'm glad to someone is speaking in a marquee not 'a room full of baying medical the College for 16 years as an under- see that Felix gets so far. (possibly rigid-sided): students' anymore than ICU stu- graduate/ postgraduate/ tutor/ war- "...have a greater resentment dentsat are a University of simpering den/ union official/ employee, and as hustings moan being unseated from what we see asapathetics. We are simply concerned such have had numerous contacts our home (in a physical and, for to do everything within our power to with Felix both on and off the record. Dear Felix, want of a better word, spiritualmake ICSM a worthy successor." I therefore feel well qualified to After just coming out of the ICU sense) and have felt quite stronglyTh e crowd are beginning to tire, make the following comment. Presidential Hustings held in dBs, I over this for some years." sense that the orator was on the Felix should be a voice of our stu- cannot believe the lack of basic The camera moves slightly from home straight. He continued: dents who, at times, are right to ques- knowledge displayed by the candi- the back of the tent, rising above the "...A couple of weeks after this, a tion the way their College is run. date. rows of applauding students, bring- letter was written that attempted to Felix should be enjoyable and there- When asked a question on whether ing the speaker into view. put forward our point of view. fore satire is not out of place. The or not ICU should disaffiliate from "The to-ing and fro-ing of victori- Unfortunately, this letter slipped blatant attack on an Administrative the NUS, the first response was yes, ous claims and bitter rebukes..." down the unproductive slope of Director is certainly 'fair game'. until the candidate realised that ICU The viewpoint drifts off up toward being aggressive and confrontation- However, to stoop to the depths of is not a part of the NUS. Given the the podium and the speech fades into al. For several years now, 'St personally insulting someone who, large majority of students who voted the background. The fer-de-lis Mary's xenophobia', a trait particu- according to previous issues, may against re-joining the NUS 2 years emblem on the front of the lectern is lar to all London Medical Schools, not be perfect but is certainly hon- ago, such a large oversight by a pres- royal purple on white. has extended to IC. I have already ourable, open and dedicated to idential candidate, clearly shows that "...However, the headline wasskimmed the surface of why this has improving the student environment, they are not in touch with the overall "Medics secure independence"occurred, but I don't believe that is unlikely to endear you to your feeling at Imperial, or reality! which, in a couple of areas we havethis is something that we should be readers. Also, is someone who, at the ICU done, but this story was seen as rapidly'a trying to unravel. It is, for I enjoy reading a Felix which is Hustings, said "Blokes are cunts", an stirring story of triumph in the facethe most part purely posturing and controversial and outspoken; I am appropriate candidate for ICU of adversity.' I believe that thisserves our fierce pride, but it is our less impressed with one that ducks President, given that approximately imminent change, in one way orfierce pride that drives us to our fan- the real problems and purely focuses 70% of ICU is composed of another, scares or worries every onetastic achievements." on taking the piss out of a very "blokes"? - by the way, I would of us..." The marquee starts to whistle and decent bloke who is not only hard- expect that someone on a Biology We pan down to look at the tran- cheer. working and extremely talented but and Management course would script in one of the audience's lap: "This is just one debate of many who, most importantly, is loyal to the understand that this is physically "However, to go on accusing usto come and it is important to realise College. impossible! of being 'selfish' is simply short-that aggressive triumphalism is not Regards B Tucker sighted. Of course we are being self-wanted at IC any more than snide Ken Young Computing 11 ish. We are being uprooted againstjealousy and resentment are our wills and, whilst we realise thatreceived over here. This whole In this case I would agree with you I've been here for four years, and I without the move, we would haveprocess a is inevitable and, as far as that Ian Caldwell loo roll is proba- can assure you that there are a lot very short life-expectancy indeed,we are concerned, we will continue bly going too far... though I think of "cunts" about Brian. However, we are merely trying to ensure thatto obtain everything that we reason- the 'honourable, open and dedicat- whatever Ms Bunston's academic despite the geographical changes,ably can." ed' picture given in previous issues abilty, I am sure she is able by now little else about what is a fantasticTh e speaker sits down to thunder- provides balance to this particular to place them, if isolated first. place (though it does, of course,ou s applause. The camera snaps example. From what I can recall of the have its weaknesses) alters percepti-back to reality, which makes less NUS referendum, the turnout was bly." sense, frankly. These are extracts poll: taxing poor, at about 1500. That would The speaker drones on. from Marmalade Sandwich, St leave approximately 6000 students "...To criticise us directly for tak-Mary's magazine. Discuss. Dear Sir, who didn't register their opinion Produced for and on behalf of Imperial College Union Publications Board. I may be not be a Student of or didn't know about it. So, per- Printed by Imperial College Union Print Unit, Beit Quad, Prince Consort Road, Imperial College, but I felt that I sim- haps Ms Bunston is, by her self- ply had to write to congratulate confessed ignorance, a better rep- London SW7 2BB. Telephone: 0171 594 8071 David Roberts on the worst election resentative than given credit for. ©Felixl997. Telephone/fax: 0171 594 8072. ISSN 1040-0711

Letters may edited for content or length. The deadline for letters for NEWS: MARIA; PHOTOS: LIU, MATT AND WEI; ART: EMMA; MUSIC: JASON; the next issue is Tuesday 20th May. Letters may be e-mailed to: FILM: CHRIS; GRAPHICS AND LAYOUT: DAVID;

[email protected] COLLATING LAST ISSUE: DAVID

SOCIAL AND CULTURAL AMUSEMENTS FOR SALE: BOARD (PERFORMING ARTS) 'SURGERY' Nikon compatible Sigma f/2.8 Tuesdays, 1.00pm to 1.30pm in the Clubs and Societies 70-210mm zoom lens in excellent condition, £475.00. Resource Centre. Come and air your grievances, anony- Contact Richard Eyers for details: [email protected] mously, about any of the clubs on SCAB. 16 SPORT FELIX FRIDAY 1 7TH MAY FELIX SPORT Mountain climbers sunbathe and do brave stuff

It all started one afternoon above a to be focused on James 'a rock fell on betting shop on Fulham Road. A col- me' Philips). Our honoured treasurer lection of sad alcoholics watching an did some rather impressive shit, and evening of classic British cinema we all cheered. He also fell off, and including 'The Italian Job' and we cheered again and threw beans at Monty Python's '...and now for him. Arguably the most epic climb of something completely different' . the trip was a route named 'El This unbounded festival of stupidity Amptrax', graded French 6a (where was to set the atmosphere for the 8c is about the hardest climbable). entire holiday. Amptrax was a route that went up the A Taxi ride at breakneck speed in highest part of the rock and took the the wee small hours took us to entire day for two pairs of climbers to Gatwick airport, where the more complete, and included a dramatic enthusiastic of us raced in luggage overhang on the final pitch. trolleys across the deserted terminal. Not all of our time was spent being A plane and a train later we found macho, tanned, hard-body types; we ourselves in 'El Chorro' (the centre also spent some time walking in the of nowhere) only to find an automo- strenuous, ie sunbathing). anywhere from 20ft to 400ft in hills absorbing the beautiful scenery bile driven by our gracious host, and El Chorro is a small town on the length. In addition to climbing, the (yeah right), as well as swimming rally driver-wannabie, Jean, ready to train line between Malaga and surrounding hills are excellent for naked in the reservoir just north of take us further away from anywhere . Seville and is a popular venue for mountain biking. A 70 year old steel the upper gorge (no seriously we did, The climbing started immediately climbers from all around Europe. cable, stretching diagonally across apart form the naked bit, I lied about (although some more relaxed mem- The gorge (through which the train the gorge provided entertainment and that). At this point I would like to say bers of the club decided that they line winds its way) provides varied photo opportunities as three mem- that Belay Bunny only had chips wanted to 'acclimatise' to the nice routes of all grades for beginners and bers of the club travelled across (at (sorry, personal joke, it's very funny, weather before doing anything too hard-core climbers alike, with routes this point please bear in mind that the trust me). cable is over 100m above a white- At the end of the week we were HAIR NEWS HAIR NEWS HAIR NEWS water river and is 150m long). loath to leave, but with shortening Surprisingly enough there were no funds and looming exams we serious casualties during the trip, returned home, with improved per- (and all of the minor injuries seemed sonal bests and some nice tans. HAIR CUT Wayward bowling costs IC £8.00 cricket first match of season TUFFERS KCH then went out to bat, and we When King's College Hospital final- tried our best to defend this reason- ly turned up, three-quarters of an able target. This would have been a UNISEX UNISEX UNISEX UNISEX UNISEX hour late, the first miracle this sum- simple task were it not for something INCLUDES: mer occurred when our captain won called extras. Come on lads, forty- the toss (a career first), and chose to eight is a little too generous. V CONSULTATION with stylist to discuss your style, try bat. Anything on line was hardly ever hit a new look and learn how to manage and control your hair. Things looked good as our opener for runs - but we only took three of Graham classically stroked the ball their wickets. The first was bowled V SHAMPOO followed by Herbal Conditioner and scalp by Nigel, and caught with lightening massage. around the park, with a borrowed bat, showing Mandar (two) that it reactions by Mandar at slip. The next two went to Dave who finished with V PRECISION HAIR CUT by fully qualified hair stylist. can be used to score runs. Things experienced in modern hairdressing. went on quietly but steadily, with very creditable figures of two for Nigel Terry scoring a well-earned thirty-five, and rued the dropping of V USE OF HAIRDRIER with complementary gel or fifty-three not out, anchoring our two catches in his final over. This mousse to finish your style. innings, and securing Man-of-the- was the turning point in the match, as Match. Nigel was joined at the crease the batsman in question went on to OPEN 9.00AM - 6.00PM by several rapid innings, keeping the make an unbeaten sixty-one. Last Appointment for Hair Cut 6.00pm runs flowing, from Mikal (fifteen) Pete was unlucky with figures of Phone for information on other .special offers, e.g. Perms. Highlights, Tints. Bobby (eight) and Dave (sixteen). eight overs for thirty, which should Unfortunately, we made the cardi- have included a couple in the wickets nal sin of failing to see out our overs, column. Bobby was also unlucky not TREVOR ROY SALON but still put together a creditable one- to pick up a wicket - unfortunately 52 Kensington Church Street, W8 hundred-and-sixty-one. Then we the umpire didn't know the meaning TEL: 0171 937 6413 went to tea - not too bad for of LBW. 3 minutes from High St. Kensington & Notting Hill Gate Harlington, but Bobby we do only Remove the extras from our bowl- get allotted one cake each, not three. ing and we were tremendous.