For Preview Only WHO KILLED ELVIS?
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By Craig Sodaro © Copyright 2002, PIONEER DRAMA SERVICE, INC. PERFORMANCE LICENSE The amateur and professional acting rights to this play are controlled by PIONEER DRAMA SERVICE, INC., P.O. Box 4267, Englewood, Colorado 80155, without whose permission no performance, reading or presentation of any kind may be given. On all programs and advertising this notice must appear: 1. The full name of the play 2. The full name of the playwright/composer/arranger 3. The following credit line: “Produced by special arrangement with Pioneer Drama Service, Inc., Englewood, Colorado.” copYinG OR REPRODUCING ALL OR ANY parT OF THIS BOOK IN ANY MANNER IS STRICTLY FORBIDDEN BY LAW. All other rights in this play, including those of professional production, radio broadcasting and motion picture rights, are controlled by PIONEER DRAMA SERVICE, INC. to whom all inquiries should be addressed. For preview only WHO KILLED ELVIS? By CRAIG SODARO cast of characters (In Order of Speaking) MORTY .............................................a small-time thief SHORTY ...........................................his partner SARI �������������������������������������������������a high school student ANGIE ..............................................another NICK �������������������������������������������������another NORMAN ..........................................another ALICE ...............................................a suburban housewife DANI �������������������������������������������������her teenage daughter HORACE ..........................................Alice’s husband SMITHERS .......................................a ruthless banker RUTH ................................................owner of Drop On Inn GERT ................................................her mother PEEP ������������������������������������������������Ruth’s youngest daughter ROBIN ..............................................her middle daughter MEADOW �����������������������������������������her oldest daughter MARY SMART ..................................host of “Entertainment Today” TV show NEIL ..................................................her cameraman LOUELLA..........................................an old Elvis fan ZOE ..................................................another MADAME LASKI...............................a fortuneteller SEYMORE CRUNCH �����������������������an Elvis impersonator DOC ��������������������������������������������������another GRANNY ..........................................an old Elvis fan TRACY .............................................her granddaughter DARCY ���������������������������������������������another granddaughter MAX ..................................................a thug DRACK ���������������������������������������������another ii For preview only VOICE OF RADIO ANNOUNCER BETTY ����������������������������������������������police officer BERNICE..........................................her partner RALPH..............................................a policeman MYRNA .............................................Norman’s mom KAYE ������������������������������������������������Sari’s mom Setting TIME: 2002, the 25th anniversary of Elvis’s death. PLACE: The Drop On Inn, a cafe and motel complex in Butter Bluff, a small Southern town. STAGE RIGHT leads to outside. STAGE LEFT leads to the kitchen and the rooms at the attached motel. There is a counter STAGE LEFT with a few stools and a small stage UP CENTER with drab curtain covering the upstage wall behind the stage. There are at least three tables (DOWN LEFT, DOWN CENTER and STAGE RIGHT) set with two or three chairs each. A few old posters and advertisements hang on the walls. There is a window STAGE RIGHT. Pay phone hangs on the STAGE RIGHT wall. SYNOPSIS OF SCENES ACT ONE Scene One: A sidewalk in Nashville. Played before the curtain. Scene Two: The Drop On Inn, several hours later. Scene Three: The same, that evening. Scene Four: The same, an hour or two later. ACT TWO Scene One: The same. A half hour later. Scene Two: The same. The wee hours of the next morning. Scene Three: The same. Later that morning. iii For preview only For previewiv only WHO KILLED ELVIS? ACT ONE Scene One AT RISE: A sidewalk in Nashville, 2002. Played before the curtain. GUNSHOTS are heard from OFF LEFT. SHORTY and MORTY race ON LEFT. SHORTY aims a gun (fake, of course) behind him LEFT. MORTY: You think this was a bright idea, Shorty? SHORTY: We’re gonna be rich, Morty! Rich! MORTY: (Holds up an envelope.) You think what’s in this envelope is gonna make us rich?! SHORTY: (Grabs the envelope.) You want everybody to see, for cryin’ out loud? You think those guys shootin’ at us work for the police? Not a chance. They want this as bad as we do! (Stuffs envelope in his pocket.) You bet it’s gonna make us rich! MORTY: Yeah, we’ll be able to afford real expensive funerals! SHORTY: (GUNSHOT from OFF LEFT. Fires back.) You know what the trouble with you is? You’re a chicken! MORTY: No! My trouble is I make a much bigger target than you! SHORTY: Then let’s boogie! MORTY: Where? SHORTY: Right where we’re supposed to meet our... client. Here! (Holds up a flier.) MORTY: (Glances at it.) You gotta be kiddin’! SHORTY: They’re gainin’! You with me? MORTY: Do I got a choice?! (GUNSHOTS from OFF LEFT. SHORTY drops flier, races OFF RIGHT, MORTY following. A moment later, SARI, NICK, ANGIE and NORMAN ENTER RIGHT.) SARI: (Glances RIGHT.) Goll! Somebody’s in a hurry! ANGIE: I thought I heard gunshots. NICK: Naw! That was a car backfiring. ANGIE: How do you know, Nick? NORMAN: He’s seen every James Bond movie there is. SARI: Great! Did James Bond ever rescue a prom? NICK: He’s always too busy saving the world. NORMAN: Ms. Luckless said she didn’t have a choice, guys. ANGIE: But she never even asked if she could rob us! 1 For preview only SARI: People usually don’t ask. ANGIE: I guess it wasn’t officially robbery, was it? NICK: She took our prom fund. SARI: But she had good reason. After all, the boiler conked out. NICK: So? Cold water never hurt anybody. ANGIE: She said the school board wouldn’t give her any money, and the prom fund was just the right amount. NICK: So we get stuck with the world’s worst prom. SARI: (Enthusiastic.) We can make it cool! NORMAN: Yeah, she said we can use the gym, and they’ve got streamers left over from some other dance. NICK: Yeah, the brown and gray cotillion of 1932. SARI: Brown and gray? ANGIE: She said the streamers were red and yellow. NICK: That’s how they started out. Guys! Everybody’s depending on their class officers to salvage the most important night of the year! NORMAN: Good. I’m glad somebody’s on top of it. NICK: Norman, we’re the class officers. ANGIE: And there’s nothing we can do. (NICK picks up flier.) SARI: I hate it when people litter, and I’m very proud of you, Nick, for picking up trash that isn’t yours. NICK: (Reading flier.) This is it! ANGIE: What are you talking about? NICK: The answer to our prom problem! (Stares at NORMAN.) NORMAN: (Nervous.) What’s wrong with you? NICK: (Walks around NORMAN.) Perfect! Absolutely perfect! NORMAN: You just get off a spaceship from planet weird, or what? NICK: We don’t have any plans for this weekend. NORMAN: Now I’m really scared! NICK: (Thinks.) We can use my car, but we’ve got to make one stop first! C’mon! SARI: Where? NICK: Crazy Acre Costumes! (Races OFF LEFT.) SARI: Nick! Who needs a costume? NORMAN: Why do I have a sudden sinking feeling in my stomach? 2 For preview only ANGIE: C’mon! That’s just the twelve burritos you ate for lunch. (SARI, NORMAN and ANGIE EXIT LEFT. A moment later, HORACE ENTERS LEFT carrying a suitcase.) ALICE: (Follows him ON with DANI.) Horace! You’re being silly! DANI: I can’t believe you’re doing this, Daddy! HORACE: A man’s gotta do what a man’s gotta do. ALICE: Sure! Defend his home and country! But this doesn’t exactly fall into that category. HORACE: No? A man must be true to himself, or who can he be true to? Good-bye, Alice! Good-bye, Dani! Wish me luck. (EXITS RIGHT.) DANI: Mom, what’s wrong with Daddy? ALICE: I never thought it’d happen to your father, but he’s having a mid-life crisis. DANI: What do we do? ALICE: Follow him so he doesn’t get lost along the way! (They EXIT RIGHT as LIGHTS DIM to BLACK.) End of Scene One Scene Two AT RISE: The Drop On Inn. RUTH sits at the counter working with a calculator. The counter is spread with papers and folders. GERT dances UP RIGHT, holding a fly swatter and listening to earphones. She swats a “fly” here and there. SMITHERS paces CENTER. SMITHERS: So, Mrs. Perelli— RUTH: Verelli. SMITHERS: Whatever. You can’t pay the bank what you owe? RUTH: I’ve been trying to make the numbers work, Mr. Smithers, but they just won’t cooperate. SMITHERS: I’m glad you see the light. RUTH: Actually, things look pretty dim. SMITHERS: Our conclusion exactly. RUTH: I’m sure you realize business has fallen off. People aren’t traveling like they used to, and I’ve got some major expenses. My daughter Robin is in her third year of college, and Meadowlark is starting this fall— 3 For preview only SMITHERS: Robin? Meadowlark? What are you running, a bird house? RUTH: And out youngest is named Peep. My husband and I met at a birdwatching convention. SMITHERS: I hate birds! But you know what I hate more than birds? Deadbeats! RUTH: I am not a deadbeat! I have been trying— SMITHERS: The insurance money from your husband’s death is all that kept you going, and it’s gone now, isn’t it, Mrs. Pachelli? RUTH: Verelli! SMITHERS: Whatever! RUTH: Yes, it’s gone. But perhaps we could renegotiate. SMITHERS: Do you think any bank in its right mind would invest in a dump like this? This place needs to be torn down and replaced by a— (GERT suddenly attacks SMITHERS with the fly swatter.) Stop that! What’re you doing? RUTH: Gert! Gert! (Subdues GERT.) SMITHERS: You keep her away from me, you hear? GERT: There’s nothin’ that’ll keep me away from anybody who says the Drop On Inn ought to be torn down! The king ate here! SMITHERS: What king? GERT: The only king America ever had, sonny, and don’t you ever forget it! SMITHERS: (To RUTH.) And this place isn’t the only thing that ought to go out to pasture.