Benefits of Counseling Check Out Child Grief  What they already know about loss or death Some of the benefits of seeking counseling are: in general and this one is particular  Counseling can help develop coping skills and and Loss  Their understanding of information and words strategies—allowing for the continuance of school, play, and relationships. used by adults  Establishment of a support network can help to  Their fears and feelings—don’t make any decrease the negative physical, psychological and assumptions emotional effects that often result from grief. Grief can be utilized as an opportunity to build Laramie County  What they really mean by their comments confidence, and reduce isolation. and questions Sheriff’s Office Danny L. Glick  What would be helpful Who can help? Sheriff  Any changes in behavior 307-633-4700 Maintain Structure And Routine The Laramie County Sheriff’s Office Victim Advocate can assist you with information re-  Provide firm, caring structure that allows garding your case status, Victims’ Rights, some flexibility. Returning to pre-existing Crime Victim Compensation, navigation of the schedules and routines can help, but if the criminal justice system and referrals to the child feels unable to attend school or other appropriate community helping professionals activity they should be allowed more flexibility organizations according to your specific needs. in their schedule.  This would not be a good time to make major changes, such as moving to a new home, or changing schools or daycare arrangements. The death may fuel childhood insecurities and their only consolation may come from peer support.  Maintain consistent rules and order—keep the usual limits set for their behavior Offer Opportunities To Create Rituals  Provide opportunities to say goodbye and let Resources Name/ID Number: go. This is a concrete way to keep memories Griefcare alive while making the loss or death real. (307)632-3485  Facilitate collecting of keepsakes. Direct Number: Youth Alternatives  Allow and encourage expression such as

journals or art (307)637-6237  Support the child’s preference for public and Peak Wellness Center private participation in memorial services, rituals, and donations of time and money. Youth Services (307)632-9362 Mailing Address: 1910 Pioneer Avenue Cheyenne, WY 82001

November 2013

Common Responses Thoughts and Behavior What May Help

Common thoughts of surviving children: Self Awareness When a loved one dies, children often react  Did I cause the death?  Be aware of your feelings about loss/death differently from adults. Children may see death as temporary or reversible—a belief reinforced  Will others in my family die too?  Children learn to grieve from the attitudes, expressions and behaviors of the significant by cartoons. They often believe it will never  Am I going to die? happen to them or anyone they know. adults in their lives  Why wasn’t it me? It is common during the weeks following the  Calm adults encourage calmness in children  When will mom and dad be happy again? death for some children to persist in the belief Acknowledge/Listen/Give Permission that the loved one is still alive. However, long-  When will brother/sister come home? term denial of the death or avoidance of grief  Communicate your support, caring, and can be emotionally unhealthy and can later Common behavior of surviving children: availability in verbal and non verbal ways lead to more severe problems.  Fear of paramedics or police investigators up-  Give permission to grieve through sharing on hearing the familiar sirens—a visit to the fire information, acknowledging reactions and Adding to a child's shock and confusion at the station, hospital or police department and encouraging opportunities for expression death of a loved one is the unavailability of oth- meeting those that responded may help. er family members, who may be so shaken by  Acknowledge and allow their process—don’t grief that they are not able to cope with the nor-  Because children are not able to grieve for long overprotect or try to hurry them through it mal responsibility of childcare. periods of time and need frequent breaks from  Be gentle and reassuring their sadness, inappropriate humor may be Once children accept the death, they are likely displayed. The expression of humor does not  Your behavior, attitude and comfort level is to display their feelings of sadness on and off mean they are uncaring. more important than anything you can say and often at unexpected moments. Surviving relatives and loved ones should spend as  Some children take on the parental role of  Often, sitting quietly and listening is the best much time as possible with the child, making it caregiver in response to parents being form of support clear that the child has permission to show his “unavailable” due to their own grief. Provide Information or her feelings openly or freely.  Give simple, honest and age appropriate The person who has died was essential to the Signs of Difficulty explanations about loss or death stability of the child's world, and anger is a nat- ural reaction. The anger may be revealed in  Fantasy is often more frightening than facts boisterous play, nightmares, irritability, or a Children who are having serious problems with  Reassure children about normal grieving variety of other behaviors. Often the child will grief may show one or more of the following: and individual responses show anger towards surviving family members.  an extended period of depression including After a death, many children will act younger loss of interest in daily activities and events  Have more than one conversation. A child’s than they are. Children may temporarily understanding and questions about difficult  Sleep disturbances, appetite changes, fear of situations change over time. Be available regress by talking ‘baby talk’ and demanding being alone food, attention and cuddling. Younger children and look for teachable moments for further frequently believe they are the cause of what  excessively imitating the dead person explorations happens around them. A young child may  repeated statements of wanting to join the  Repeat information as often as needed believe a loved one died because he or she dead person had once wished the person dead when they  Teachers and other important adults in the were angry. The child feels guilty or blames  withdrawal from friends, or child’s life need to be aware of the death. him or herself because the wish came true.  sharp drop in school performance or refusal to attend school