Mobile Application Against Abuse

Mobile application against abuse

HelpAPP offers a helping hand to children

UNICEF National Committee for Hungary developed the first mobile application in the word that provides instant help to children in abusive situations. Should a child be abused or in the risk of abuse, he or she can call help with one button press or send his or her GPS coordinates easily. With this application, children can seek advice about what they should tell or do if they have been harmed or they want to help someone who has been harmed.

Children are the most common victim of neglect and abuse- both physical, emotional and sexual. Violence often occurs within the family (domestic violence), or committed by friends or by familiar people– which can be extremely destructive and discouraging.

Small children are the most vulnerable in these situations. They can withstand violence the less. They understand the less what is going on with them. They are able to ask support and protection from others the less.

In addition to deprivation, abuse and violence account for the greatest risks for children’s lives and well-being.

In Hungary, every tenth child lives in distress due to abuse and violence. Every second child has been involved in fighting in school. Every month, 3 children die of the abuse he or she has experienced.

Regarding the different forms of child abuse, only every second case is revealed. The rest remains invisible. A child is alone and has to face the situation alone.

HelpAPP offers a helping hand to children. Children of the 21st century were born into a digital world. They use mobile phones, computers and the internet intuitively and as naturally as they play ball. If we want to help them, we need to learn the language they speak. We need to use the means they use.

HelpAPP provides support in realizing, avoiding and handling abusive situations. Besides basic functions (emergency, child helpline and personalized speed-dial, location service), children can seek advice about what they should tell or do if they have been harmed, or they want to help someone who has been harmed. By selecting the abuser person and the form of abuse, the app offers various personalized tips for non-violent solutions. With this application, children can learn positive techniques of conflict management, and on its browsing function, they learn more about the different forms of violence and abuse.

HelpAPP won the national Best Child Protection Award at the European Award for Best Content for Kids.

This free app can be downloaded for Windows Phone, iOS and Adroid smartphones at www.unicef.hu/helpapp.1

This document aims to give an insight to the content of the application.

1 UNICEF Hungarian Committee is grateful for the support of Microsoft Hungary (communication, networking), Distinction (app development) and HD Group (creative design) who helped to implement the application. MAIN PAGE

On the main page, children will see emergency numbers they can fast dial in case they need help immediately.

By entering their own emergency numbers the children can provide the phone number of their trusted contact persons who can also be reached by fast dialling. It gives them the possibility to enter the contact details of a close relative or a trusted person.

There may be cases when the children cannot speak. That is why we introduced the positioning function, which will attach the location of the sender to the outgoing SMS or e-mail. Here, with a one button press, they can send their GPS coordinates to a previously set recipient.

WHAT IS THIS? (“Mi ez?”)

The HelpAPP gives you tips what to say and what to do when you see or get into a violent or abusive situation.

By using this application you can ask for help in one quick step. If you need an ambulance, a fire-fighter or the police, call 112. If you would like to share your problems with someone, call 116-111 for the child helpline. Both are free of charge. In this application you will also find important information on the different forms of abuse, their characteristics and their symptoms. You can also send your own ideas, thus helping us to develop this application. (Note: we review and edit every single proposition.) This application does not contain every possible answer, and only deals with the most common forms of violence. It does not contain every possible form of abuse. This application has been developed by UNICEF National Committee for Hungary within the framework of its Children's Rights Programme. UNICEF National Committee for Hungary is a foundation. Its core activity is to help the most vulnerable children in the world by means of collecting donations and to raise awareness of children’s rights. The development of this application has been accomplished by UNICEF Hungary and its partners: Microsoft, HD Group Communication Agency and Distinction.

SETTINGS (“Beállítások”)

My location If you switch on the “My location” function the recipients of your message sent through this application will see where you are. (They will receive your GPS coordinates.) This can be helpful if you are lost, taken away, abducted or simply cannot tell where you are at the moment. We advise you to switch this function on because if you get in trouble, you will be found more easily.

Own emergency number Enter the phone number of the person you trust the most, the person you turn to when you are in trouble. It can be the number of your parents or the number of a friend or teacher too. What is important is that you should enter the number of a person you know well and trust, someone you can call or write anytime.

LOOKING FOR A SOLUTION

Further along we help those looking for a solution. Here they can choose and match from two columns that who and how abused them. In the first column (Who?) they can select from 18 option who the abusive person has been, e.g. a parent, a teacher, an adult stranger or an online friend, etc. Under the function How? they can choose from the 16 most common forms of abuse the one that applies to them, such as threatening, harassment or bullying.

Here they have several options. They can ask for an advice immediately (“Mit tegyek?”- What should I do?). They can tell how they solved a similar problem (“Van egy ötletem”-I have an idea). They can learn more details about the given form of abuse (Ez mit jelent?).

I have an idea! (“Van egy ötletem!”)

If they have encountered a similar situation before and feel that their advice might be useful to their peers, they will find different ways to share it. We wish to integrate these feedbacks into the application continuously.

Send us your suggestions! We look forward to the sentences you have used before with success in an abusive situation. Do you feel that something is missing? Have you encountered a situation to which there is no answer in the application? Tell us what you said and how you solved the problem. (It goes without saying that we handle every suggestion sent by you confidentially.)

What should I do? (“Mit tegyek?”)

If the child presses the button “What should I do?” (Mit tegyek?) on the “Looking for a solution” screen, he or she can browse from different advices what he or she can do, tell or think over. Our specific and clearly formulated advices provide the fastest probable solution to the problem of the child. Here, children can also sent their ideas by pressing “I have an idea” button in the middle.

Examples for these advices are:

- It is understandable that you are angry. But anger or fury is not a good advisor. Try to calm down and discuss what happaned only then. If you continue to speak in the same abusive manner, it does not solve this situation. Do not to offend or critizise your abuser but try to talk about your own feelings. For example: "I feel very sad and disappointed…."

- If you are afraid of saying no openly, say: "I still need to talk about this with….. Until that I cannot say anything." With this, you save time, and who tried to abuse you will know that you are not alone.

What does it mean? If they want to learn more about a specific form of abuse, they can click on the “What does it mean?”(Ez mit jelent?) button on the “Looking for a solution” screen. For example what bullying means, where the limit is between funny and offensive remarks, who they can turn to for immediate help, and how they can help to others who were abused that way.

Beating

What is this? The most common form of physical violence is hitting, beating and fighting. However, strangling, holding or tying somebody down, as well as corporal punishment also fall under this category. You should know that even a slap in the face is considered as violence, and as such it is intolerable. Avoid all forms of physical abuse!

In Hungary, all forms of violence against children are strictly prohibited by law.

How can I help? If you see a fight, try to call for help. Watch out for your own safety as well! If there are several people taking part in the fighting, or if they are bigger and older than you, the best you can do is to find an adult who can intervene. Many times you can already help simply by not turning your head away and pretending you have not seen the violence. Help can only reach those, who are ready to accept it. If you think the child put to shame is not comfortable with asking help from adults you know, call the “Kék Vonal” children’s helpline on number 116-111.

Who can help? Help comes most often from parents, adults and teachers. If somebody is involved in a fight regularly, it should be dealt more seriously (to find out the cause for violence). You can get help with that from parents, the School's Child Protection Officer, the social worker, class master or the school psychologist. These people can be alerted by adults or children alike.

If you don’t feel comfortable with asking help from adults you know, call the “Kék Vonal” children’s helpline on number 116-111. They will listen to you, and help you think over what to do.

If a child is beaten by a child older than 14 or an adult, it might be against the law. In these cases the police will investigate what happened exactly.

Teasing

What is this? Teasing is the most common form of verbal abuse. (You can read more about this form of abuse in the HelpAPP by pressing “I would like to know more” on the main screen.) It includes being mocked, ridiculed, offended, hurt, addressed in a humiliating manner or jeered at for some weakness. It is very common among children and almost everybody encounters it. It can be dangerous, because teasing often starts as a joke or jest but later on it becomes rude and causes serious offence and pain.

How can I help? Know the limits! Joking can never be offensive or humiliating to your mates. Try to imagine yourself in the position of the child being teased. How would you feel in his shoes? The biggest help is never taking part in teasing and stopping others doing so.

Help can only reach those, who are ready to accept it. If you think the child put to shame is not comfortable with asking help from adults you know, call the “Kék Vonal” children’s helpline on number 116-111.

Who can help? Help comes most often from parents, adults and teachers. If somebody is involved in teasing regularly, it should be dealt more seriously (to find out the cause for teasing). You can get help with that from parents, the School's Child Protection Officer, the social worker, class master or the school psychologist. These people can be alerted by adults or children alike.

Exclusion

What is this? When a child (or a group of children) is discriminated by the others, when people do not talk to him/her, look through him/her or even mock him/her, it is called exclusion. Exclusion might arise in the class, in training or in a study circle, but also in virtual groups or on social network sites. Exclusion is very dangerous because the excluded person gets the feeling that he or she cannot be loved and “nobody wants him”.

How can I help? People are often excluded for being “different” than others, not like the average. Yet this diversity is what makes our world so beautiful. Try to put yourself in the shoes of the person who is excluded. How would you feel? Is there something in you that is different from the others? There are many levels to relationships. If you do not want to be friends with somebody, it does not mean he should be excluded from everything. Many times it is enough if someone tells it to the others. This may prevent exclusion.

Who can help? Help comes most often from parents, adults and the class master. If somebody is excluded, it should be dealt more seriously. The self-confidence of a child can be seriously undermined by exclusion, this should be restored above all.

You can get help with that from parents, the School's Child Protection Officer, the social worker, class master or the school psychologist. These people can be alerted by adults or children alike.

Bullying

What is this? Bullying has many forms: e.g. it can be sexual (when someone tries to use a child to satisfy his/her own desires), or online (when someone uses the internet, a computer or a mobile phone to bully you with messages, mails).

What every form of bullying has in common: it keeps a child from living his everyday life in a way he wants to. It makes a child avoid places, not answer calls, sign out from websites or not be with someone, knowing/feeling that if he does, something unpleasant or bad will happen. Threats, inducing fear, unwanted calls, messages, mails or meetings are all ways of bullying. In severe cases, bullying is a crime!

How can I help? As bullying can be a criminal offence, always ask an adult for help if it turns out that someone is being bullied. Bullying makes a child insecure and makes it hard for him to trust others. An abused child is often frightened and too afraid to ask for help therefore it’s not easy to help him. If you want to help, you should talk to the person affected, hinting that you suspect what is going on with him and that he can trust you. It might happen that the person you want to help is so afraid that he will turn you down. If that is the case, do not push him too hard. Remain open and ready to help, and wait for them to take the first step.

Who can help? You can get help with that from parents, the School's Child Protection Officer, the social worker, class master or the school psychologist. These people can be alerted by adults or children alike.

In severe cases bullying accounts for a crime, and it’s for the police to investigate what has happened exactly.

Blackmailing

What is this? When someone is forced by violence or threat to do, not to do or tolerate something, it is called blackmailing. Blackmailing is mostly about money. You will only get back what is taken from you in return for money, or they threaten to do something unless you pay them. For example: “If you don’t give me your money, I’ll post your photos on the Internet!” or “If you don’t do my homework, I’ll beat you”.

How can I help? Always ask for help from an adult if you find out that a child is being blackmailed. In certain serious cases extortion accounts for a criminal offence. The blackmailed person is often frightened and too afraid to ask for help. If you want to help, you should talk to the person affected, hinting that you suspect what is going on with him and that he can trust you. It might happen that the person you want to help is so afraid that he will turn you down. If that is the case, do not push him too hard. Remain open and ready to help, and wait for them to take the first step.

Who can help? Help comes most often from parents, adults and the class master. If somebody is extorted, it should be dealt more seriously. The self-confidence of a child can be seriously undermined by blackmailing, so this should be restored above all. You can get help with that from parents, the School's Child Protection Officer, the social worker, class master or the school psychologist. These people can be alerted by adults or children alike.

Threatening

What is this? If you have a feeling that it is not your decision whether you do something or not; if you feel that you will be hurt, harmed or at a disadvantage if you do something, then you probably have been threatened. This counts as violence. Threatening is often obvious. For example: “If you don’t take the garbage out, I’ll slap you.” However, in some cases it goes almost unobserved: “You will not get a birthday present because you cannot behave.”

If you are afraid and do not dare to make the decision you would actually like to make, you can be sure that you are threatened.

How can I help? Always ask for help from an adult if you find out that a child is being threatened. Tell it to someone you trust and whose opinion you value. The threatened person is often frightened and afraid to ask for help. If you want to help, you should talk to the person affected, hinting that you suspect what is going on with him and that he can trust you.

Who can help? Help comes most often from parents, adults and teachers. If somebody is threatened, it should be dealt more seriously. The self-confidence of a child can be seriously undermined by threatening, this should be restored above all.

You can get help with that from parents, the School's Child Protection Officer, the social worker, class master or the school psychologist. These people can be alerted by adults or children alike.

Verbal abuse

What is this? Telling abusive, rude words to somebody is a form of emotional abuse, mental abuse or blackmailing. (You can read more about these in the HelpAPP by pressing “I would like to know more”) It’s hard to tell the difference between these forms of abuse but actually, it does not matter how we call them.

Feeling hurt, although not beaten or physically abused in any way, is a certain sign of being hurt by words.

Labelling ("You have no talent.", "You are lazy!"), judging ("I don't think anybody could possibly like you.", "Just give up!"), mocking, ridiculing, bullying are all forms of abuse just like beating. It is even more dangerous, because it easily remains unnoticed, as it leaves no bruises or scars. Not leaving any visible sign, being hurt with words makes a child feel worthless, impossible to love, vulnerable, small, and useless. All these feelings can be caused by bare words. Remember: If somebody is hurting you with words, it is never about you, but always about the person saying them. These thoughts and feelings only exist in his mind. Thinking about this will help you keep these harmful words away from you.

How can I help? Someone regularly hurt with words probably finds it hard to ask for help, because his self esteem, his “self-defense” abilities might have been damaged. Sometimes the only way you can help is by listening, and keeping him company. Children hurt this way are often sad, avoid contact with others, or are unfriendly themselves. Always ask for help from an adult if you find out that a child is being hurt with words. Tell it to someone you trust and whose opinion you value. Someone regularly hurt with words usually finds it hard to trust others. In other cases, children like this get in trouble by trusting others - being unsincerely nice to them - too easily. If you want to help, be consistent, truthful. Don’t make promises that you cannot keep, always try to keep you word.

Who can help? Help comes most often from parents, adults and teachers. At school you can get help from the School's Child Protection Officer, the social worker or the school psychologist. These people can be alerted by adults or children alike.

If you don’t feel comfortable with asking help from adults you know, call the “Kék Vonal” children’s helpline on number 116-111. They will listen to you, and help you think over what to do.

Coercion

What is this? Coercion (forcing someone to do something against her or his will) is present in many forms of violence. If you do something, that is not good for you, something you don’t actually want to do, you are being coerced (forced). Forcing someone to do something is possible by extortion, emotional blackmail, threatening, physical violence etc. In serious cases coercion is a crime. When someone is forced by violence or threat to do, not to do or tolerate something, causing him considerable injury of interest, it is considered a crime.

How can I help? Together, try to figure out whom to ask for help, and whether there is an adult you can trust, and tell what happened. If the child does not feel ready to tell others what happened, help to make him a “safety plan”. It should include what to do if others are about to harm him again, where to go, whom to call, what to say, and how to react.

Being coerced regularly damages self-confidence, self-esteem and trust in others. All this makes it very hard to help. We recommend asking an adult you trust for help.

Who can help? Help comes most often from parents, adults and teachers. If somebody is coerced, it should be dealt more seriously. You can get help with that from parents, the School's Child Protection Officer, the social worker, class master or the school psychologist. These people can be alerted by adults or children alike.

Coercion in serious cases is a crime, and it’s for the police to investigate what has happened exactly.

Wrong expectations

What is this? Children face expectations basically from the second they are born. Parents, grandparents, relatives, brothers, and later on teachers, classmates and friends all have their ideas on how the child should behave, what he should do, like, what profession he should choose. Expectations on one hand are useful, as they help the children develop. On the other hand though, they can be dangerous, as they induce anxiety in the child (the child feels that if he cannot meet the expectations, he fails and will not be loved).

Wrong expectations are at times “too high” and other times “too low”. (For example: “You are so smart, the only grade good enough, ist the best grade!”, and later on: “Don’t learn all weekend, come with us to your granny, it’s okay if you don’t get a good grade!”) As parents are first of all, who create expectations, it is very important, that they are consistent, and love and accept the child as he is.

How can I help? If you notice a child suffering from wrong expectations unable to escape them, or a child who chose a bad way of rebelling against these expectations, the best way you can help is by lending an ear. Reassure him, that he is a person to be accepted and loved (as he is). Wrong expectations damage a child’s self-esteem and self-confidence, so it is imporant to ask an adult for help. Turn to an adult you trust, and who can support the child. Someone, who can create appropriate expectations. This can be the teacher, on whose class the child feels comfortable and does well, or other learning support teacher who has a good relationship with the child.

Often it’s not the too high, or too low expectations that cause the problem, but the multitude of expectations, that make the child feel unsure of his own identity and abilities. In this case it’s extremely helpful if someone simply “expects nothing” from him. It may sound strange, but the greatest help in this situation is to tell, and show the child, that he is good as he is, you accept him just the way he is.

Who can help? Help comes most often from parents, adults and psychologists. If someone is suffering from wrong expectations, it should be dealt more seriously, but not only concerning the child, but also concerning the parent affected, who creates these wrong expectations. You can get help with that from parents, the School's Child Protection Officer, the social worker, class master or the school psychologist. These people can be alerted by adults or children alike.

Neglect

What is this? When a child is unloved, not taken care of, not given enough food (or gets food unregularly or food that is not age-appropriate), it is considered a case of neglect. Not taking a child to the doctor when needed, not treating and not paying attention to a child well enough counts as neglect as well. This special form of abuse can only be committed by a special group of people responsible of taking care of the child (parent, foster parent, guardian etc.)

Neglect is hard to notice, because it often seems like it is the child who is “doing it wrong”: skipping school, not dressing appropriately, not being studious, not going home at night, attendeing school when ill. However, these happen usually because of neglect, not enough attention, and upbringing not fit to the child’s age. It is not the fault of the child.

How can I help? Neglect is a form of violence against children, that counts as endangering, or in serious cases as a criminal offence. A neglected child is almost never in a position to ask for help; taking the circumstances as natural a child like this is also very hard to offer help to. One has to be careful, and always ask an adult for help. Turn to and adult you trust, and whose opinion you value. Whatever the reason for the neglect, you can help by paying attention to the child neglected as you can, bringing some fruits, or a sandwich for him from home when you pack your snack for example. Small gestures like this can be important, however, they do not solve the underlying cause. Information about this child must reach those, whose job is to help.

Who can help? If someone is suffering from wrong expectations, it should be dealt more seriously. You can get help with that from parents, the School's Child Protection Officer, the social worker, class master or the school psychologist. These people can be alerted by adults or children alike.

Child welfare services and family support centers work all over the country. People working at these places have the job of supporting and helping families and children. You can easily access their addresses and phone numbers by typing the name of the city/village you live in and “child welfare” or “family support” in an online search engine.

Emotional blackmail

What is this? Most of the time you notice emotional blackmail only after it had already happened. You realize that you have done something that you did not actually want. People use words, and pretended emotions to make you behave and do things they want. These pretended feelings can be love, affection, acceptance (“you are one of us”), demand, punishment, threat (for example: threatening with suicide, or saying that others will suffer if you refuse to do something).

Emotional blackmail is a game. Often the person extorting is not aware of his actions. This, of course, does not make the act itself less violent and harmful.

If you are unsure whether you are being emotionally blackmailed, sit down and think over the situations you get into. For example, if someone says: “I’m going to fail at school, unless someone helps me. I wish there was somebody who would help…”, “You forgot about me again, you never think about me…”, “If you’d been here, this couldn’t have happened…”, “I can only count on you, I have nobody except you in the whole world. Don’t leave me!”. The person using emotional blackmail tries to control you through your conscience, fears, and sense of duty.

How can I help? Together with the child being emotionally blackmailed try to think over what his fear could be, that makes him vulnerable to extortion. It is very important for him to decide and say that he will not let the blackmailing continue. This is the first step and it is harder than it seems. Always ask an adult you trust for help, whom you can sincerely talk to, he or she will certainly give you some advice. Emotional blackmailing can only end, if the person being extorted gains enough self-confidence. This however often requires the help of a professional, for example a psychologist, school psychologist or an educational consultant.

Who can help? Help comes most often from parents, adults and teachers. If somebody is being emotionally extorted, it should be dealt more seriously. You can get help with that from parents, the School's Child Protection Officer, the social worker, class master or the school psychologist. These people can be alerted by adults or children alike.

Exploitation

What is this? You often only notice exploitation, after it has already happened. Violence or threat is not always necessary to exploit someone. Others often use only their charm to talk you into doing something, which gives them money, or some kind of andvantage. For example: making you write their or others’ homework for them, or asking you to work for free.

How can I help? Exploitation in serious cases can be a crime, hence always ask for adult help. Tell it to someone you trust and whose opinion you value. The exploited person is often frightened and afraid to ask for help. If you want to help, you should talk to the person affected, hinting that you suspect what is going on with him and that he can trust you. Never support someone, who is exploiting a child!

Who can help? Help comes most often from parents, adults and teachers. If somebody is being exploited, it should be dealt more seriously. You can get help with that from parents, the School's Child Protection Officer, the social worker, class master or the school psychologist. These people can be alerted by adults or children alike.

Online bullying

What is this? If bullying is done through the internet, a mobile phone or a computer, it is called online bullying. The victims can be individual children, but also a group of children, or an organization (e.g. a club, workshop).

Sending bothering messages (e.g. spreading lies, sharing private information, gossiping, bullying…) via e-mail, SMS, chat or websites is online bullying. Using, sharing private data of someone else (e.g. aquiering someone’s password and reading personal mails) is online bullying as well. Moreover, sending a message in someone else’s name (by that practically “stealing identity”), or sending a virus to someone is online bullying too.

Online bullying counts as abuse, and in serious cases, as a crime.

How can I help? As online bullying can be a crime, always ask an adult for help, if it turns out that it happened to someone. Tell it to an adult you trust and whose opinion you value. The bullied person (whether bullied online or in person) is often frightened and afraid to ask for help. If you want to help, you should talk to the person affected, hinting that you suspect what is going on with him and that he can trust you. Online bullying is not ot be taken easy. Although it happens through machines, and not in the real world, it’s consequences can be just as harsh.

On the website of the “Kék Vonal Alapítvány” (“Kék Vonal Foundation”) (www.kek- vonal.hu), you can read useful things about internet safety. The “Kék Vonal” is active on Facebook too, sharing useful articles, videos. You can share these too, information helps!

Who can help? Help comes most often from parents, adults and teachers. If somebody is being abused, regardless it happened online or not, it should be dealt more seriously. You can get help with that from parents, the School's Child Protection Officer, the social worker, class master or the school psychologist. These people can be alerted by adults or children alike.

You can get help online as well. People from the “Kék Vonal Alapítvány” will help you via e-mail, or chat at www.kek-vonal.hu "Kék-interaktív". Here, and on the website of the International Children's Safety Service (www.safeinternet.hu), you can read more about online harassment, and how to use the internet safely.

Shaming

What is this? When someone is made to feel very small and weak, or gets negative comments (for example about his body or attributes impossible to change), it is called humiliation, shaming. In these situations the children wish they could just hide, or become invisible.

Humiliation (especially if it happens regularly) is like a real torture, destroying children’s self-esteem. Unfortunately, the shamed person often realizes only as an adult that this kind of abuse is actually not about him/her, but about the person doing it: about the abuser’s way of thinking, envy, jealousy and pettiness- yet it is the affected child suffering from it.

How can I help? Always ask an adult for help, if you find out, that someone is being regularly ashamed. The humiliated person is often frightened and afraid to ask for help. If you want to help, you should talk to the person affected, hinting that you suspect what is going on with him and that he can trust you. It might happen that the person you want to help is so afraid that he will turn you down. If that is the case, do not push him too hard. Remain open and ready to help, and wait for them to take the first step. Never taking part in humiliating someone, and stopping others doing so is a great way to help too!

If you cannot decide, whether someone is being humiliated or not, ask yourself the question: How would you feel if you were told the same thing, or the same thing would be done to you as to him?! If you get an unpleasant, bad feeling, then have not doubt: the person actually being humiliated feels just the same. It’s high time to end it, for it is violence!

Who can help? Help comes most often from parents, adults and teachers. If somebody is regularly being humiliated, it should be dealt more seriously. However, the person humiliating others needs attention as well. You can get help with that from parents, the School's Child Protection Officer, the social worker, class master or the school psychologist. These people can be alerted by adults or children alike.

Sexual harassment

What is this? Every behaviour of a sexual nature that feels uncomfortable to you might be considered sexual harassment. If it happens regularly (for example someone always touches you, gropes you, stands too close to you and keeps on sending you messages), it is called harassment. The interest that boys and girls take in each other is completely normal. The line between interest, harmless approach and harassment is where you start feeling uncomfortable. If something feels unpleasant, you do not want it but the other person keeps on doing it without paying attention to you, it is considered abuse.

How can I help? Sexual harassment is always a crime, and requires the police to take action, therefore always ask an adult for help. A sexually harassed person is often frightened and afraid to ask for help, which makes it hard to help. We recommend asking an adult for advice, someone you trust and whose opinion you value.

If you want to help, you should talk to the person affected, hinting that you suspect what is going on with him and that he can trust you. Together, try to figure out whom to ask for help, and whether there is an adult you can trust, and tell what happened. If the child does not feel ready to tell others what happened, help to make him a “safety plan”. It should include what to do if others are about to harm him again, where to go, whom to call, what to say, and how to react.

Who can help? Help comes most often from parents, adults and teachers. If somebody is a victim of sexual harassment, it should be dealt more seriously. You can get help with that from parents, the School's Child Protection Officer, the social worker, class master or the school psychologist. These people can be alerted by adults or children alike.

The ESZTER Foundation provides special help to victims of secual abuse. You can read more about this at www.eszteralapitvany.hu .

Sexual abuse

What is this? Sexual abuse means forcing someone to have sex. This includes touching a child’s genitals against his or her will, forcing someone to masturbate, or have sex with someone. (You can read more about this in the HelpAPP by pressing “I would like to know more”)

Sexual abuse often remains unnoticed, because the person abused feels so ashamed, and feels – incorrectly – guilty and angry with himself, that he does not tell anyone. However, sexual abuse against a child is NEVER the child’s fault! No matter how pretty the clothes worn, or how dark the streets on the way home are, it is not the child’s fault what happens. Nobody has the right to touch a child in a way that is unwanted, or feels uncomfortable. Sexual abuse is always a crime! If a child under 12 is affected, it considered an abuse even if the child agreed, and allows things to happen. Also in cases concerning older children (up to 18 years old) the penal code prescribes severe punishment to adults raping children, or using children for their own sexual purposes.

How can I help? As sexual abuse is a crime, always ask an adult for help. The victim of sexual abuse is in a very sensitive situation. Often trapped between feelings of self-condemnation, guilt, anger and fear, the victim is kept from asking, or accepting help. Moreover, the abuser is usually someone the child knows, a member of the family or group of friends, making it even harder to tell others the abuser’s identity. You must proceed very carefully, and thoughtfully, if you want to help. Try to talk to the person affected, hinting that you suspect what is going on with him and that he can trust you. Try to find an adult you can trust.

The ESZTER Foundation provides special help to victims of secual abuse. You can read more about this at www.eszteralapitvany.hu .

LEARN MORE (Többet szeretnék tudni- I would like to know more)

If children have time and are interested in the different forms and signs of abuse, they can learn more by choosing the “I would like to know more” button at the home screen. Here, children can obtain a more thorough understanding of the main categories of abuse.

PHYSICAL

If someone causes you harm, pain or suffering, it is considered physical abuse.

The most common forms of physical abuse are: hitting, pinching, kicking, cutting, tying down, strangling, burning and poisoning, and corporal punishment.

In Hungary, every form of physical abuse against children is against the law.

What are the signs of physical abuse?  visible marks of abuse (black-and-blue bruises, wounds, scars, fractures, marks of previous injuries),  if the story of the injury is hard to believe,  if the poisoning was not accidental,  if the burning or scalding was not accidental,  if there are different kinds of bruises and scars.

Physical abuse against children is a criminal offence.

EMOTIONAL

If someone abuses your feelings, if you are treated like you are worthless or good for nothing, it is considered mental abuse. If you feel that you cannot be loved, it is a very serious consequence resulting from mental abuse.

The most common forms of mental abuse are:  generating fear or distress (such as locking a child who is afraid in a dark place), humiliation, constant criticism, emotional blackmail (such as: if you come home with bad results, I will not love you),  taking advantage (for example, when the older children make the younger ones do all the housework),  too high or too low expectations (at school or in training),  if the adults hurt each other in front of the children.

What are the signs of mental abuse?  the child does not believe in himself, his self-esteem is low, he cannot accept himself,  distrust towards others,  sleep disorder (such as insomnia or nightmares),  eating disorder (for example eating a lot and then throwing up, or taking a laxative for no reason),  being constantly sad and unenthusiastic,  remorse, shame,  suicide attempts, or a child talking about wishing to commit suicide,  escaping, running away from the abusive environment (running away from home, being absent from school).

Soul injuries have no visible scars, yet they constitute a very serious form of abuse.

AT SCHOOL

Conflicts at school are as natural as those at the workplace or in the family. Violence, however, is not. Fighting, humiliating others, rough bullying, harassment or exclusion is intolerable.

Why would someone be violent at school?  Because he is insecure.  Because he is also abused (for example in the family).  Because he feels like nobody is paying attention to him.  Because he feels like nobody is actually listening to him.  Because he does not know that fear and respect are different things.  Because that makes him feel strong and powerful.

Abuse and violence at school does not occur among children only. Teachers, support staff (cleaning staff, janitors etc.) or even parents may take part in it.

What are the signs of abuse at school?  the child does not like going to school,  the child’s performance at school is poorer than his abilities would allow,  the child has no sense of achievement at school,  the child does not believe in himself, his self-esteem is low, he cannot accept himself,  the child is rude, mocking and vulgar towards the others,  the child is too shy,  sleep disorder (nightmares, insomnia), eating disorder (for example eating a lot and then throwing up, or taking a laxative for no reason),  the child acts too much like a grown-up.

Conflicts can be solved peacefully, without violence. Violence is not a real solution. Not only the victims (those being abused) but also the abusive persons (who are violent) feel bad afterwards.

ONLINE

If someone is acting offensively, violently, in a humiliating or excluding manner towards you on a website, in chat, in SMS or in e-mail, it is called online or cyber bullying.

The most common forms of online bullying are:  pretending to be someone else and thereby misleading the child,  spreading lies and rumours about the child,  getting the child to give out personal data (such as his address),  sending a violent, pornographic, or offensive e-mail or SMS to the child,  posting a picture of the child without his permission, - if a child is excluded, kept out or humiliated (for example on social network sites).

What are the signs of online bullying?  the child does not believe in himself, his self-esteem is low, he cannot accept himself,  distrust towards others,  sleep disorder (such as insomnia or nightmares),  eating disorder (for example eating a lot and then throwing up, or taking a laxative for no reason),  the child is always sad, lethargic  feeling of guilt, shame, suicide attempt or the urge to commit suicide

In case of online bullying the abusive person and the victim do not meet in person, yet the violent party must bear the consequences nonetheless.

In certain cases online bullying is considered a crime.

VERBAL

If someone uses judgmental or humiliating words when talking about you, it is considered an abuse. The most common forms of verbal abuse are: when someone calls you by an offensive nickname, teases or bullies you, is vulgar with you, shouts with you and thus makes you feel afraid.

What are the signs of verbal abuse?  if the child does not believe in himself/herself, his/her self-esteem is low, he/she cannot accept himself,  if the child is rude, mocking and vulgar towards the others,  if the child has a strong sense of shame,  if the child is constantly sad and unenthusiastic.

Being treated like that may not leave visible marks or scars on you, yet it is considered an abuse.

COERCION

If someone forces you to do, not to do, or tolerate something, causing you a considerable injury of interest it is considered an abuse. Coercion is present in many forms of violence. Forcing someone to do something is possible by blackmail, emotional blackmail, threatening, physical abuse etc.

In serious cases coercion is a crime.

The most common forms of coercion are: - violent behaviour (hitting, beating etc.) - threatening (for example: “I will beat you if you do not do what you are told!” or “I will not love you if you don’t let me do this to you!”) - locking a child up, depriving him of his liberty, - threat against objects, pets or people the child holds dear (for example: “I will beat your little brother if you don’t do this!”, or “Just wait and see what I’ll do to your dog, if you don’t do it!”)

What are the signs of coercion?  the child is doing something he does not really want to do,  fear,  suicide attempt,  substance abuse (use of drugs),  sleep disorder (such as insomnia or nightmares),  eating disorder (for example eating a lot and then throwing up, or taking a laxative for no reason),  sleep disorders, eating disorders,  the child is constantly sad and unenthusiastic,  running away from the place where coercion is regular (family, institution etc.),  the child is frequently injured, or the stories of the injuries are hard to believe.

When is it not considered an abuse if the child is “obliged” to do something? For example if you are asked to clean your room when you have previously agreed with your parents that it is your duty to keep your room in order.

In certain serious cases coercion is considered a criminal offence!

BULLYING

If somebody regularly hurts or threatens you by abusing their dominant position, it is considered bullying. Somebody is in a dominant position if he or she is older, stronger, smarter, or fulfil a certain position (boss, manager etc.). Due to bullying the child cannot live his life the way he wants to. Bullying may manifest itself not only through actions, but also through words.

The most common forms of bullying are:  if a child’s belongings, money or food is regularly taken away from him,  if someone (despite the protesting, demand or refusal of the child) sends e-mails or makes phone calls regularly,  if someone follows a child.

What are the signs of bullying?  the child is afraid,  the child tries to run away from the place where he/she is abused,  panic attacks,  sleep disorders, eating disorders,  distrust towards others,  being too self-contained,  avoiding social interactions and relationships,  suicide attempt or the urge to commit suicide.

NEGLECT

If your parent or the person who is supposed to take care of you does not pay enough attention to you, it is considered neglect.

Being neglected may result in harms to the child’s health, healthy development and emotional security.

The most common forms of neglect are:  if a sick child is not taken to the doctor,  if the child does not get any help in his studies,  if the child is not loved,  if the child is not dressed and fed properly.

What are the signs of neglect?  the child is very thin, unenthusiastic and wearied,  the child is untidy, uncared-for, not wearing the clothes and shoes appropriate for the weather,  the child is injured or involved in accidents too often and the story of the injury is hard to believe or controversial.

Of course there are many children who are thin not because they are neglected but because their figure is like that. Unfortunately there are many families where the parents cannot provide everything to their children (even though they want to) because they are poor.

DOMESTIC VIOLENCE

If the members of the family (parents, children, grandparents, relatives, adults who used to live together) hurt each other, it is considered domestic abuse.

Domestic violence can take forms identical to child abuse. The reason for violence is often the intention of one party to control the other party.

Since it takes place between family members, children often witness the violence. It is considered child abuse even if it is not the child that the adults hit or shout at.

Domestic violence is a crime.

SEXUAL

Forcing a sexual act is called sexual abuse.

Sexual violence has three main forms: sexual abuse, sexual exploitation and sexual harassment.

Sexual abuse is when someone touches your genitals against your will, if you are forced to masturbate or to have sex with someone. It is considered an abuse even if you do not know exactly what is happening to you (e.g. because you are drunk, or asleep).

Sexual exploitation means having sex for money, or getting photographed while having sex; this is also called prostitution and pornography.

Sexual harassment (stalking) means every kind of touch, approach or proposition (either verbal or written) that makes you feel uncomfortable or humiliated.

The most common forms of sexual harassment are:  if someone is very pushy and wants to make you go out with them or to hug them and kiss them  if someone is telling you vulgar jokes with sexual content or makes such a remark on you (especially if you have told them before that you did not like it)  if someone makes offensive remarks on who you are attracted to or how you dress,  if you are photographed naked or half-naked, if such a photo is asked from you on a social network site or in a chat room, or if such a picture of you is sent to others,  if you are tied down and touched or stroked,  forcing you to watch pornography.

What are the signs of sexual abuse?  sexual behaviour or knowledge inappropriate for someone’s age,  injuries, sexually transmitted infections,  teenage pregnancy,  if the child falls victim to prostitution,  if the behaviour of the child changes (turning into an extrovert from introvert or vice versa),  urge to commit suicide,  the child is constantly sad and unenthusiastic.

Sexual abuse and harassment towards children is considered a criminal offence!

SELF-ABUSE

Violence can not only be against someone else. When a child turns against himself, against his own body, it is called self-abuse.

The most common forms of self-abuse are: - the child skin-cutting himself, - the child tearing his own hair, - the child intentionally cutting himself, - the child swallowing dangerous objects (e.g. razor, nail), - the child poisoning, or burning himself, - eating disorder (for example eating a lot and then throwing up, or taking a laxative for no reason), - substance abuse: use of hard drugs, excessive and dangerous alcohol consumption.

Children punishing themselves this way normally have no suicidal intentions, and do not want to harm themselves seriously, but turning against their own body is dangerous nonetheless!

Usually the purpose of kind of behaviour is not seeking attention. The child hurting himself is usually ashamed of what he is doing, but can’t stop doing it. Self-abusing children generally get into this situation, because they are left alone with their problems, or are feeling lonely and lost.

It is very important for a child abusing himself to be able to ask for, and get help. If you are in this situation, or you know about someone in a situation like this, ask an adult you trust for help. If there is no such adult, or you do not feel comfortable trusting others, call the “Kék Vonal” helpline on 116-111, where people will listen to you, and help you think over what to do!

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DOWNLOAD at www.unicef.hu/helpapp (only published in Hungary)