Self-Esteem and Crisis of Values Vs. Emotional Blackmail in Close Relationships Samoocena I Kryzys W Wartościowaniu a Szantaż Emocjonalny W Bliskich Związkach

PUBLIC HEALTH AS A WELLNESS STANDARD CHAPTER VIII

1Department of General and Neurorehabilitation Witold Chodźko Institute of Rural Health, Lublin Klinika Rehabilitacji z Pododdziałem Rehabilitacji Neurologicznej Instytut Medycyny Wsi im. Witolda Chodźki, Lublin 2Department of Nursing, Faculty of Health Sciences Medical University, Lublin Zakład Pielęgniarstwa Neurologicznego Wydziału Nauk o Zdrowiu Uniwersytetu Medycznego w Lublinie 3Department of Neurosurgery and Pediatric Neurosurgery Independent Public Clinical Hospital No. 4, Lublin Klinika Neurochirurgii i Neurochirurgii Dziecięcej Samodzielny Publiczny Szpital Kliniczny Nr 4 w Lublinie

ANNA MAZUR1, TOMASZ SARAN1 KRZYSZTOF TUROWSKI2, ELŻBIETA BARTOŃ3

Self-esteem and crisis of values vs. emotional blackmail in close relationships Samoocena i kryzys w wartościowaniu a szantaż emocjonalny w bliskich związkach

Key words: self-esteem, crisis of values, emotional blackmail, close relationships Słowa kluczowe: samoocena, kryzys wartości, szantaż emocjonalny, bliskie związki

INTRODUCTION Emotional blackmail is a form of manipulation. Those who manipulate increase their victim’s anxiety, sense of commitment and responsibility, as well as guilt. They induce general disorientation and weakening of the defense mechanisms of the person subjected to psychomanipulation. According to research, this phenomenon affects 61.0% of people. Due to this fact, it should be treated as a serious problem that can significantly affect the psychological well-being of the individual, including its self-esteem and system of values, which is the structure responsible for self- regulation of the subject, and thus the ability to manage oneself [1- 3].

PUBLIC HEALTH AS A WELLNESS STANDARD

Self-esteem is defined as a positive or negative attitude towards oneself. High self-esteem promotes emotional stability, the ability to constructively solve problems and the mental health of the individual. In contrast, low self-esteem results in a lack of self-acceptance, which in turn contributes to worse human functioning in the intra- and interpersonal realm. People with this type of deficit often tend to use defense mechanisms to increase their self-esteem. In addition, more often than individuals with adequate self-esteem, they can react with fear or anger, are more vulnerable to being hurt, and more often engage in ineffective self-regulation, which may directly imply a tendency to create dysfunctional close relationships [4-5]. This is because a stable system of values is responsible for self-regulation of the subject, whereas a person experiencing a crisis in this realm may experience increased anxiety, fear, mood swings and a tendency to undergo emotional blackmail in close relationship [6]. It is a masked collection of manipulative techniques aimed at controlling the feelings and emotions of a loved one, thanks to which the blackmailer obtains their submission and obedience. The perpetrator of psychomanipulation skillfully exploits vulnerabilities of the submissive person to achieve their goal. This contributes to the intensification of the partner's submission, and for the manipulator is a signal of the effectiveness of the actions taken [7]. In this form of manipulation, we can distinguish the following symptoms: the blackmailer's request, the resistance of the victim, the pressure and threats of the blackmailer and the submission of the manipula- ted person. Those who use manipulation, often without a conscious intention, do everything to increase the fear, commitment, sense of responsibility and guilt experienced by the victims of blackmail, which leads to general disorientation and weakening of their defense reactions. Numerous intrapersonal problems can accompany not only the victim of emotional blackmail, but also by the perpetrator, who fears not getting what he wants, fo- cuses so intensely on achieving the goal, that he is unable to see how destructive and harmful the behavior is [8-10]. Typical manipulative behaviors include:  threats to hinder life or break off relationships,  threats to harm oneself or the partner,  suggestions for experiencing suffering as a result of non-compliance of the partner,  disregarding feelings and needs,  blaming,  complimenting, praising, expressing approval in case of submission, and anger and lack of acceptance in the event of lack of submission,  controlling,  using weaknesses of the partner in order to gain a psychological advantage [8]: 100 Anna Mazur, Tomasz Saran1Krzysztof Turowski, Elżbieta Bartoń Self-esteem and crisis of values vs. emotional blackmail in close relationships

It would also seem important to distinguish four types of perpetrators of emotional blackmail. These are:  prosecutor - reacts with anger at every sign of resistance, which can be expressed by aggression, direct threats or non-verbal messages;  flagellant - informs the partner that if he does not do what he wants, he will be sad or hurt himself;  sufferer - plunged into misfortune; does not threaten to hurt himself, but wa- its for others to guess the reasons for the suffering and give him what he wants;  tempter - promises love, career, material goods in exchange for subordination, but never fulfills the promises [8].

TEST GOAL AND TEST METHOD The goal of this research was to establish the relationship between self-esteem and crisis of values vs occurrence of the phenomenon of emotional blackmail in close relationships. Sociodemographic characteristics of the subjects are presented in Table 1. The studied population is formed by a equinumerous group of women and men (50.0%) living in marriages and cohabitation (50.0%). The sample is dominated by people in the early adulthood (49.1%) who obtained higher education (84.5%) and have a regular source of income (80.4%). The group considered is homogenous as far as their place of residence (50.0%). Table 1. Sociodemographic characteristics of the studied group Variables % female 50,0% Gender male 50,0% up to 24 years old 13,4% between 25 and 39 years old 49,1% Age between 40 and 60 years old 24.5% from 61 years old 13,0% vocational, primary 4,3% Education secondary 11,2% higher 84,5% currently employed 80,4% unemployed 8,6% Professional activity farm 7.8% retirement/pension 3,2% married 50,0% Marital status cohabitation 50,0% village 50,0% Residency city 50,0% Source: own research results

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The applied research tools are: Rosenberg Self-Assessment Questionnaire (SES) in the Polish adaptation of I. Dzwonkowska, K. Lachowicz-Tabaczek and M. Łagu- na [5], Questionnaire of Crisis in Valuing (KKW) by P. Oleś [6] and Questionnaire Me and my partner by J. Łukasiewicz and M. Pawelec, developed based on the con- cept of S. Forward and D. Frazier [3]. The SES questionnaire allows to measure the overall level of self-esteem, or self- worth, which is a relatively constant property of a person. The way in which a person thinks about oneself, attitude towards self, is connected with his well-being, experienced emotions, and with the approach to tasks [5]. The KKW questionnaire is used to examine issues concerning the importance of a value system in personality. Appreciated, chosen and implemented values have an important influence on personality development and mental health of the individual. The questionnaire examines the general experience of a crisis in a given individual and the aspects that make up this crisis. They are: hierarchy, confusion, disintegration, resignation. The Hierarchy scale measures whether the subject is experiencing difficulties with hierarchical ordering of the values. The Lost scale is used to study the sense of loss and lack of values. The Disintegration scale allows to determine the strength of the motivation needed to realize the professed values, while the scale Resignation indicates the extent to which the individual refrains from realizing the values [6]. The questionnaire Me and my partner allows for the separation of two dimensions: the role of the perpetrator and the victim of emotional blackmail. The perpetrator of emotional blackmail is a person who, in a close relationship, satisfies own needs at the expense of the partner, using well-masked manipulation techniques to influence emotions and feelings. The victim of emotional blackmail is a person who experiences psychomanipulation from the partner and succumbs to pressure, often at the expense of their own good [3]. The research was voluntary, anonymous and individual. The subjects received test sets containing written instructions. In case of doubt, they had the opportunity to obtain additional information from the researcher. The response time was twenty minutes. Statistical analyzes were performed using the IBM SPSS 24 program. The characteristics of the studied population were compiled on the basis of distribution of percentage of frequency occurrence of qualitative data. Correlation analyzes were carried out using Pearson's linear correlation coefficient r. The limit level of error of the first kind at 0.05 was assumed.

FINDINGS The correlation analyzes carried out led to establishing relationships between the variables under consideration. Relationships between self-esteem and taking on the role of victim and the perpetrator of emotional blackmail are presented in Table 2.

102 Anna Mazur, Tomasz Saran1Krzysztof Turowski, Elżbieta Bartoń Self-esteem and crisis of values vs. emotional blackmail in close relationships

Table 2. Relationship between self-esteem and taking on the role of victim and perpetrator of emotional blackmail Variables victim perpetrator self-esteem - 0.32* - Marking: * correlation significant at 0.05 (two-sided). Source: own research results. The obtained data show that there is a moderate inverse relationship between self-esteem and taking on the role of a victim of emotional blackmail, r = -0.32; p <0.05, which suggests that as the self-esteem decreases, the tendency to undergo psychomanipulation from the life partner increases. It was not noted, however, that the use of emotional blackmail was associated with the level of self-esteem, p> 0.05. The dependencies between the crisis of values and its individual dimensions vs. the assumption of the role of victim and the perpetrator of emotional blackmail are presented in Table 3. Table 3. Relationship between the crisis of values and taking on the role of the victim and the perpetrator of emotional blackmail Variables victim perpetrator crisis of values 0,48** 0,26* hierarchy 0,42** 0,27* confusion 0,54** 0,36** disintegration 0,40** - resignation 0,56** 0,20* Markings: ** correlation significant at 0.001 (bilaterally); * correlation significant at 0.05 (bilaterally). Source: own research results.

Based on the collected data, it was found that taking the role of a victim of emotional blackmail is strongly related to a sense of lost values, r = 0.54; p <0.001 and with resignation from implementation of the values, r = 0.56; p <0.001. In addition, yielding to psychomanipulation on the part of a loved one positively coincides with the experience of the crisis of values, r = 0.48; p <0.001, difficulties with hierarchy of values, r = 0.42; p <0.001 and disintegration in this area, r = 0.40; p <0.001, which implies that the more often people experience emotional blackmail from the life partner, the more they manifest the crisis of values in each of its individual aspects. Performing the role of the perpetrator of emotional blackmail is positively correlated with a sense of lost values, r = 0.36; p < 0.001, and directly proportional with a weak correlation to the general crisis of values, r = 0.26; p < 0.05, difficulties with hierarchy of values, r = 0.27; p <0.05 and with resignation from the valued values, r = 0.20; p < 0.05, which indicates that the more often people resort to the use of psy- chomaniupulation to a loved one, they reveal a more severe crisis of values, which 103

PUBLIC HEALTH AS A WELLNESS STANDARD in particular concerns their hierarchization, the sense of losing what is valuable in life, and giving up acting in concert with a professed system of values. There were no statistically significant relationships between the role of the perpetrator of emotional blackmail and disintegration of values, p > 0.05.

DISCUSSION The results of our own research indicate that the low level of self-esteem and experiencing a crisis of values are related to the occurrence of emotional blackmail in close relationships. People with low self-esteem tend to act as victims in a psychomanipulation situation. It can be assumed that this fact may be caused by the greater tendency of these people to experience fear and insecurity, and also because these individuals prefer safe situations in interpersonal contacts, even when it means them giving up their own dignity and good, because as a result they eliminate, at least temporarily, feelings of guilt and raise their undermined self-esteem [9]. They are focused on avoiding rejection and failure [11]. These dependencies are confir- med by studies conducted by the team of Dzwonkowska and colleagues, which indicate that the low level of self-esteem promotes maladaptation and emotional instability [5]. Moreover, it was shown that the negative self-image correlates positively with the inability to take appropriate actions in situations causing stress [5, 12- 14]. Referring to these results, it would be possible to explain the subordination, submissiveness to the perpetrators and the feeling of difficulty, or even the inability to get out of such relationship, occurring in the victims of psychomanipulation. In addition, it should be noted that people with a negative self-image tend to choose partners that evaluate them unfavorably and who humiliate them [6]. These dependencies allow us to assume that a high level of self-esteem can act as a factor protecting against emotional blackmail. The results of our own research confirming positive correlations between accepting the role of the perpetrator or victim of emotional blackmail and experiencing a crisis of values, lead to the conclusion that a crisis of values accompanying individuals is conducive to their entanglement in psychomanipulation. According to research carried out by Oleś [6, 15], an unstable values system often coincides with reduced self-esteem, a significantly increased tendency to choose mundane values and a tendency to neglect moral, social and religious values. On this basis, it can be assumed that the difficulties in valuing imply internal anxiety, tension and intrapsychic conflicts, and consequently may be conducive to building destructive interpersonal relations burdened with the phenomenon of emotional blackmail [8]. This happens because people who take on the role of a victim of psychomanipulation, due to an unstable system of values, are characterized by excessive submissiveness, lack of assertiveness, and inability to set concrete boundaries. On the other hand, individuals taking on the role of perpetrators of emotional blackmail, who are experiencing a crisis of values, can largely unknowingly, driven primarily by fear, enforce the subordination of the partner, resorting to psychomanipulation [8-10]. The analysis of the obtained dependencies allows us to conclude that, as in the case

104 Anna Mazur, Tomasz Saran1Krzysztof Turowski, Elżbieta Bartoń Self-esteem and crisis of values vs. emotional blackmail in close relationships

of high self-esteem, a stable, non-crisis-based value system, can act as a factor protecting against psychomanipulation in close relationships. The occurrence of emotional blackmail in the relationships of close relatives can be potentially explained based on the theory of Erikson's stages of psychosocial development, which describes eight key periods of human life, assumes that the consequences of solving successive life crises have a direct impact on the effectiveness of coping with each subsequent crisis. They can, therefore, contribute constructively or regressively to the development of personality [16-22]. The crisis occurring in childhood, called "basic trust-distrust", has a particularly significant impact on the development of the self. Its unfavorable solution causes a lack of trust in people, which in effect due to the occurrence of fear, may cause a tendency to resort to psychomanipulation in adult life. The "autonomy-shame and doubt" crisis may also contribute to the shaping of such an attitude, which when left unsuitably solved, contributes to the development of a tendency to prejudice, uncertainty and shame in people. An individual with these types of psychological characteristics can show considerable compliance in interpersonal contacts, which in turn implies the ease of entering emotional blackmail relations. Significant influence on accepting the role of the victim may also be the unsuccessfully solved crisis of "ini- tiative-guilt", causing, meticulously used by blackmailers, guilt and resignation of autonomy by the victim. Incorrectly dealing with the crisis "diligence - sense of inferiority" is also important and results in low self-esteem and fear of engaging in decisive actions, which may explain the tendency to undergo psychomanipulation and experiencing many dilemmas at the stage of ending unfavorable relationships. On the other hand, the negatively solved crisis of "identity-uncertainty" is of key importance to an unstable shaped system of values, as a result of which a person may develop inappropriate and undesirable social traits (taking on the role of the perpetrator) and have difficulties in building healthy partner relationships. This fact explains the crisis of values occurring both in victims and perpetrators of the blackmail. In turn, the negatively solved crisis of "intimacy-isolation" may contribute to building an emotional bond with another human being, based on the resignation of one's own identity. In such a case, the individual can easily try to enforce partner's compliance, and by increasing the fear and sense of commitment in the victim, will use these psychological properties to achieve own goals. Moreover, the unresolved conflict of "generativity-stagnation", appearing in the mid-adult phase, which may significantly strengthen the tendency to assume the role of the perpetrator of emotional blackmail, will be essential for shaping the personality of the blackmailer, because it is associated with the abuse of power. In turn, the improperly solved crisis of "integration-ego-despair", falling into late adulthood may contribute to de- pression, sadness and fear of death [16-22]. These states, characterized by an increased sense of internal anxiety and conviction about the failure, may contribute to the formation of low self-esteem as well as the crisis of values, thus causing a tendency to become involved in emotional blackmail, both as a victim and perpetrator [1, 8-9, 15, 23-25]. Summing up the discussion, it should be emphasized that the results of this research may contribute to the development of prophylactic interventions aimed at stre- 105

PUBLIC HEALTH AS A WELLNESS STANDARD ngthening self-esteem and shaping a stable system of values that are factors supporting the mental health of the individual and protect against the occurrence of emotional blackmail in close relationships.

CONCLUSIONS 1. A factor protecting against taking on the role of a victim of emotional blackmail in close relationships is self-esteem. 2. The risk factors of emotional blackmail in close relationship is the crisis of values and its aspects: difficulties with hierarchical ordering of values, sense of loss and lack of values, as well as reduced motivation and refraining from implemen- ting what is considered to be important in life. 3. The risk factor of taking on the role of the perpetrator of emotional blackmail in close relationships is the crisis of values and its aspects: difficulties with hierarchical ordering of values, sense of loss and lack of values, and refraining from realizing what is perceived as important. 4. The obtained data can be used to design preventive actions aimed at supporting the quality of the intrapsychic and interpersonal functioning of persons forming close relationships.

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psychomanipulacji. Wydawnictwo Szkoły Wyższej Psychologii Społecznej „Academica”, Warszawa; 2003. p. 31-44. 10. Witkowski T. Psychomanipulacje. Warszawa: Oficyna Wydawnicza UNUS; 2000. 11. Carr A. Psychologia pozytywna. Poznań: Wydawnictwo ZYSK I S-KA; 2009. 12. Baumeister RF, Vohs K. New Directions in Social Psychology. Thousand Oaks, CA: Sage; 2012. 13. Baumeister RF, Vohs K. Handbook of Self-Regulation. New York: Guilford Press; 2011. 14. Baumeister RF, Vohs K, Tice D. The Strength Model of Self-Control. Current Directions in Psychological Science. 2007; 16(6): 351-355. 15. Oleś P. Psychologia człowieka dorosłego. Warszawa: Wydawnictwo Naukowe PWN; 2011. 16. Darling-Fisher CS. Application of the Modified Erikson Psychosocial Stage Inventory: 25 Years in Review. West J Nurs Res. 2018; 1: 193945918770457. 17. María LAS. Intercultural health: The life cycle stages in the Andes. Rev Peru Med Exp Salud Publica. 2017; 34(2): 293-298. 18. Erikson E. Dzieciństwo i społeczeństwo, Poznań: REBIS; 2000. 19. Erikson E. Tożsamość a cykl życia, Poznań: Wydawnictwo Zysk i S-ka; 2004. 20. Witkowski L. Rozwój i tożsamość w cyklu życia. Studium koncepcji Erika H. Eriksona/ Łódź: WSEZ; 2009. 21. Zock H. Human Development and Pastoral Care in a Postmodern Age: Donald Capps, Erik H. Erikson, and Beyond. J Relig Health. 2018; 57(2): 437-450. 22. Wallerstein RS. Erik Erikson and his problematic identity. J Am Psychoanal Assoc. 2014; 62(4): 657-675. 23. Baumeister RF, Tice DM, Vohs KD. The Strength Model of Self-Regulation: Conclusions From the Second Decade of Willpower Research. Perspect Psychol Sci. 2018; 13(2):141-145. 24. Vonasch AJ, Baumeister RF, Mele AR. Ordinary people think free will is a lack of constraint, not the presence of a soul. Conscious Cogn. 2018; 60:133-151. 25. Uziel L, Baumeister RF. The Self-Control Irony: Desire for Self-Control Limits Exertion of Self-Control in Demanding Settings. Pers Soc Psychol Bull. 2017; 43(5): 693-705.

ABSTRACT Emotional blackmail is a form of manipulation. Both the immediate cause and consequence this type of behavior are various intrapsychic problems, which is why it appears important to verify whether assuming the role of the victim and the perpetrator of emotional blackmail coincides with self-esteem and the crisis of values. The aim of the research is to determine the relationship between self-esteem and 107

PUBLIC HEALTH AS A WELLNESS STANDARD crisis of values vs. emotional blackmail in close relationships. The study group con- sists of 116 adults living in marriages and cohabitation. The research was carried out using the Rosenberg Self-Esteem Scale (SES) in the Polish adaptation of I. Dzwon- kowska, K. Lachowicz-Tabaczek and M. Łaguna, the Questionnaire of Crisis in Valuing (KKW) by P. Oleś, and the Questionnaire Me and my partner (KBSE) by M. Pawelec and J. Łukasiewicz. The analysis of research results showed that self- esteem is negatively correlated and the crisis of values is positively correlated with taking on the role of a victim of emotional blackmail. However, being the perpetrator of psychomanipulation proportionally coexists with the crisis of values. The data obtained may be used to develop preventive programs supporting the functioning of people living in close relationships.

STRESZCZENIE Szantaż emocjonalny jest formą manipulacji. Zarówno bezpośrednią przyczyną, jak i konsekwencją tego typu działań są różnego rodzaju problemy natury intrapsy- chicznej, dlatego też istotne wydaje się zweryfikowanie, czy przyjmowanie roli ofiary i sprawcy szantażu emocjonalnego współwystępuje z samooceną i kryzysem wartości. Celem badań jest określenie związku pomiędzy samooceną i kryzysem w wartościowaniu a szantażem emocjonalnym w bliskich związkach. Badaną grupę stanowi 116 osób dorosłych żyjących w związkach małżeńskich oraz kohabitacyj- nych. Badania przeprowadzono za pomocą Skali Samooceny SES M. Rosenberga w polskiej adaptacji I. Dzwonkowskiej, K. Lachowicz-Tabaczek i M. Łaguny, Kwe- stionariusza do Badania Kryzysu w Wartościowaniu KKW P. Olesia oraz Kwestio- nariusza Ja i mój partner KBSE M. Pawelec i J. Łukasiewicza. Analiza wyników badań wykazała, że samoocena ujemnie, a kryzys wartości dodatnio wiążą się z przyjmowaniem roli ofiary szantażu emocjonalnego. Natomiast, pełnienie roli sprawcy psychomanipulacji wprost proporcjonalnie współwystępuje z kryzysem w wartościowaniu. Otrzymane dane mogą posłużyć do opracowania programów profi- laktycznych wspierających funkcjonowanie osób żyjących w bliskich związkach.

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