Strategies for Simplifying Your Writing

Home , Adverbial phrase, Compound modifier

Andrea J. Wenger Communications Manager, STC Technical Editing SIG [email protected] Twitter: @AndreaJWenger

The more complicated the material, the simpler the writing style should be. The goal of a professional writer is not to sound smart. It’s to communicate.

Four strategies for simplifying your writing:  Choose powerful words  Shorten sentences  Use proper grammar and punctuation  Eliminate unnecessary words

Choose powerful words Some parts of speech convey more meaning than others. Verbs are the strongest of the following parts of speech, adverbs the weakest:  Verbs  Nouns  Adjectives  Adverbs

Don’t use modifiers to prop up weak language. Strong nouns and verbs punch up our writing to keep readers engaged.

Active vs. Static Verbs  Active: go, think, fight, discover, cherish  Static: be, appear, remain, seem, feel

Active verbs are more powerful than static verbs. Static verbs refer to a state of being, rather than an action:  Jim is tall.  Maggie is a redhead.

Generally, replacing a static verb with an active one makes the writing more vivid: Jim towers over his colleagues.

Active vs. Passive Voice  Active voice: The subject of the sentence performs the action.  Passive voice: The subject of the sentence is acted on.

Active voice is stronger. Passive voice tends to be wordier.  Passive: Bridget was called by the superintendent to his office.  Active: The superintendent called Bridget to his office.

Reasons for choosing passive voice

 The actor is unknown. Passive: My birdfeeder was stolen. Active: Someone stole my birdfeeder.

The phrasing you choose depends on what you want to emphasize. The passive example emphasizes birdfeeder. The active example emphasizes stole.

 The writer wants to avoid naming the actor: Passive: Mistakes were made. Active: My boss made mistakes.

 To emphasize the recipient of the action by making it the subject of the sentence. Passive: Plumeria leis were worn at the luau. Active: People at the luau wore plumeria leis.

 The actor is irrelevant. Passive: The mail was delivered at 10 a.m. Active: The mail carrier delivered the mail at 10 a.m. Active: The mail arrived at 10 a.m.

Zombie Rule (developed by culture and ethics professor Rebecca Johnson—@johnsonr on Twitter): If you add “by zombies” after the verb, and the sentence makes syntactic sense, it’s probably in passive voice: Mistakes were made [by zombies]. (passive voice) My boss made [by zombies] mistakes. (active voice)

The Zombie Rule isn’t infallible. The following example is active voice: The mail arrived [by zombies] at 10:00 a.m. “By zombies” makes syntactic sense as an adverbial phrase telling how rather than who.

Hidden Verbs With hidden verbs, the main action of the sentence lies in a part of speech other than the verb— usually a noun (watch out for words ending in –ion). These sentences generally contain weak verbs like make, have, or be.  The committee made a decision.  The committee decided.

Strong nouns Strong nouns are  Concrete  Familiar  Specific

Generic vs. specific nouns:  A big, black dog came hurtling toward him.  A Rottweiler came hurtling toward him.  A black Lab came hurtling toward him.

Eliminate modifiers when possible, but don’t eliminate articles (the, a, an). They’re a sure sign a noun is coming.  Align device mounting hole with baseplate hole and bolt.  Align the device mounting hole with the baseplate hole and the bolt.  Align the device mounting hole with the baseplate hole, and bolt them together

Shorten sentences There are four sentence types:  Simple  Compound  Complex  Compound-complex

Definitions (from Wikipedia)  Clause: The smallest grammatical unit that can express a complete proposition; it typically consists of a subject and a predicate.  Independent clause (or main clause): A clause that can stand by itself.  Dependent clause (or subordinate clause): A clause that augments an independent clause with additional information, but which cannot stand alone as a sentence.  Simple sentence: A sentence that contains one independent clause and no dependent clauses.  Compound sentence: A sentence composed of at least two independent clauses. It does not require a dependent clause. The clauses are usually joined by a conjunction (such as and, but, or) or a semicolon.  Complex sentence: A sentence with one independent clause and at least one dependent clause.  Compound-complex sentence: A sentence with at least two independent clauses, plus one or more dependent clauses.

Convert complex or compound sentences into simple sentences. 1. If a compound sentence or compound predicate contains two different ideas, use two sentences.  The bird feeder is made from eco-friendly materials and will attract a variety of songbirds including cardinals, chickadees, and goldfinches.  The bird feeder is made from eco-friendly materials. The feeder will attract a variety of songbirds including cardinals, chickadees, and goldfinches. 2. If a short sentence contains a dependent clause, consider changing it to a compound sentence or two simple sentences:  After you open the hardware packet, remove the two long screws.  Open the hardware packet and remove the two long screws.  Open the hardware packet. Remove the two long screws. 3. If a longer sentence contains a dependent clause, consider changing it to multiple sentences:  After you open the hardware packet, which contains two long screws, six short screws, and four bolts and nuts, remove the two long screws.  Open the hardware packet. The packet contains two long screws, six short screws, four bolts, and four nuts. Remove the two long screws. 4. When appropriate, use bulleted lists:  Fill the feeder with sunflower seeds for chickadees and titmice, safflower seeds for cardinals, niger seeds for finches, or peanuts for woodpeckers.  Fill the feeder with any of the following: — sunflower seeds for chickadees and titmice — safflower seeds for cardinals — niger seed for finches — peanuts for woodpeckers

Grammar Definitions  Phrase: A group of words that function as a single unit in the syntax of a sentence. For example, a prepositional phrase may function as an adverb (“by the river” is an adverbial phrase telling where).  Dangling modifier: An ambiguous grammatical construct whereby a modifier could be misinterpreted as being associated with a word other than the one intended.  Antecedent: The noun or noun phrase to which a pronoun refers.  Subject-verb disagreement: The subject and the verb do not agree in number (one is singular, the other plural).

Subject-verb disagreement: If a sentence contains a phrase or dependent clause between the subject and the verb, make sure that the verb agrees with the subject of the sentence and not the subject of the phrase or clause. Better still, make the phrase or clause its own sentence.  A packet of bolts, nuts, and washers that are sized to fit the predrilled holes are taped to the baseplate.  A hardware packet is taped to the baseplate. The packet contains bolts, nuts, and washers sized to fit the predrilled holes.

Dangling modifiers: Ensure that an adjective phrase at the beginning of a sentence modifies the subject of the sentence.  Filled with sunflowers seeds, birds will flock to the feeder.  Filled with sunflower seeds, the feeder will attract flocks of birds.

Unclear antecedents: When a demonstrative pronoun like this or that has a noun clause as its antecedent, use a specific noun instead. In the example below, “This” in bold refers back to the clause “press the reset button.” For clarity, change “This” to “This action.”  Once the fault condition is cleared, press the reset button. This restarts the device.  Once the fault condition is cleared, press the reset button. This action restarts the device.

Punctuation

Definitions  Appositives: A noun or noun phrase, placed beside another, to define or modify it (as in “my brother, Sam”).  Compound modifier: Two or more words that together modify a noun.

Use punctuation (hyphens, commas, dashes, semicolons, and parentheses) to improve readability.  Appositives  Ensure that the disconnect means, the fuse or the circuit breaker, is properly sized for the application.  Ensure that the disconnect means (the fuse or the circuit breaker) is properly sized for the application.  Compound modifiers  Insert the tab into the double wide slot.  Insert the tab into the double-wide slot.  Insert the screws into the double threaded holes.  Insert the screws into the double, threaded holes.  Punctuation as a visual cue  Install the operating handle according to its instruction sheet. However, install the handle mechanism in place of the stiffener bracket.  Install the operating handle according to its instruction sheet—but install the handle mechanism in place of the stiffener bracket.

Eliminate unnecessary words

Generic Verb + Adverb Don’t use adverbs to prop up weak verbs.  Walked slowly > ambled  Smiled wryly > smirked  Said jokingly > joked  Stood menacingly > loomed

In this example, push isn’t a weak verb—just the opposite, in fact. Use a softer verb in this context so the user doesn’t break the button.  Gently push the button.  Press the button.

Intensifiers Intensifiers (such as very, really, so, extremely, and quite) make the sentence wordier, and their presence distracts from the word they modify.  The mounting hole is very small.  The mounting hole is small, about 2 mm in diameter.  The mounting hole is about 2 mm in diameter.

Expletives  It is necessary to correct the fault condition before resetting the device.  You must correct the fault condition before you can reset the device.

 There are two kinds of birdseed in the mix: sunflower and safflower seeds.  The birdseed mix contains sunflower and safflower seeds. [slide]

Simple language  Use short, familiar words.  Disconnect the Toast-Meister 3000 from the power circuit before performing maintenance on it.  Unplug the toaster before working on it.  Streamline.  According to the officers investigating the case, the fire may have been deliberately set.  Police suspect arson.  Don’t make the reader think.  With the advent of PLCs, a continuous stream of product enhancements and major new technologies have resulted in new processors, I/O devices, MMIs, etc., providing industry with major improvements in manufacturing control.  The use of programmable logic controllers (PLCs) in industrial settings has led to improved technologies for manufacturing control. These improvements include new processors, I/O devices, and human–machine interfaces (HMIs).

Resources

Recommended Reading  Hale, Constance. Sin and Syntax: How to Craft Wickedly Effective Prose; Broadway Books, 2001.  Kohl, John. The Global English Style Guide: Writing Clear, Translatable Documentation for a Global Market; SAS Press, 2008.  O'Conner, Patricia. Woe is I: The Grammarphobe's Guide to Better English in Plain English; Penguin Group, 1996.  University of Chicago Press. The Chicago Manual of Style; University of Chicago Press, 2003.

Contact Information Andrea J. Wenger [email protected] Website: WriteWithPersonality.com Twitter: @AndreaJWenger