Rose-Hulman Institute of Technology Rose-Hulman Scholar

The Rose Thorn Archive Student Newspaper

Spring 5-8-2009

Volume 44 - Issue 25 - Friday, May 8, 2009

Rose Thorn Staff Rose-Hulman Institute of Technology, [email protected]

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Recommended Citation Rose Thorn Staff, "Volume 44 - Issue 25 - Friday, May 8, 2009" (2009). The Rose Thorn Archive. 154. https://scholar.rose-hulman.edu/rosethorn/154

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This Book is brought to you for free and open access by the Student Newspaper at Rose-Hulman Scholar. It has been accepted for inclusion in The Rose Thorn Archive by an authorized administrator of Rose-Hulman Scholar. For more information, please contact [email protected]. T HE R OSE T HORN R OSE -H ULMAN I NSTITUTE OF T ECHNOLOGY T ERRE H AUTE , I NDIANA FRIDAY, MAY 8, 2009 ROSE-HULMAN.EDU/THORN/ VOLUME 43, ISSUE 25 Greek Games a success News Briefs Lindsey Saxton from campus safety and fa- By Andy Klusman Advertising cilities-- shutting down the M a n a g e r roads and providing tables.” Barron also said, “This year, Dom DeLuise n May 3rd, over 250 we wanted to entice more Rose students gath- people to come out and par- dead at 75 Oered to uphold an ticipate, so we made t-shirts Actor Dom DeLuise died Monday night honored Greek tradition, the to help advertise, and these in a Los Angeles hospital. He was 75 years Greek Games. All three so- t-shirts are also going to the old. DeLuise was born in 1933 in Brook- rorities, Delta Delta Delta, teams that won.” He deemed lyn to parents John and Vincenza DeLu- Chi Omega, and Alpha Omi- the games a great success ise, and graduated from the Manhattan cron Pi, and six of the eight because they had a greater School of the Performing Arts. DeLu- fraternities, Delta Sigma Phi, turnout than years before. ise made his film debut in “Fail-Safe” in Alpha Tau Omega, Pi Kappa Chi Omega was named 1964, but he is best known for his roles in Alpha, Theta Xi, Lamda Chi the winner for the sororities, “Blazing Saddles” and “The Cannonball Alpha, and Fiji, competed to scoring 24 points, keeping Run,” a movie in which he starred with be named the winners of the their champion status. They Burt Reynolds. The actor also fought Greek Games. won the pyramid, mystery obesity for many years of his life due to There were multiple events throwing, the eating contest, a passion for food. DeLuise also wrote in which the fraternities and the chariot race, and placed two successful cookbooks, “Eat This – It sororities participated, in- 2nd in the mystery compe- Will Make You Feel Better” and “Eat This cluding a food eating contest tition. Morgan Williams, a Too! It’ll Also Make You Feel Good.” He (where teams of three ate a freshman Chi Omega that Lindsey Saxton / Rose Thorn is survived by his wife Carol, three sons, half gallon of ice cream, a wa- participated in the pyramid Members of the fraternity Theta Xi showcase their innovative chariot and three grandchildren. termelon, and five hotdogs), and tug of war, said, “It was design. The chariot race was one of many events featured at the Rose- a traditional Chariot Race, a fun to hang out with sisters Hulman Greek Games, whose winner this year was Delta Sigma Phi. Montana exempts pyramid building competi- and show our Chi-O spirit.” tion, a mystery competition, Delta Delta Delta placed guns from federal mystery throw, and tug of second, with 28 people com- “It was a lot of fun and re- winning the chariot race and war. peting in the various events. ally showed what the Greek the pyramid. Sophomore Zach regulations Cody Barron, the Greek They won the mystery event organizations are all about Pligge said, “The games were Activities Chairman, and the and were part of the three – teamwork and friendship.” a blast. Running the first and The state of Montana has approved a rest of the Greek Games com- way tie for tug of war. Sara In the fraternity division, last legs of the chariot race bill that makes guns, gun accessories, mittee, Jake Carr and Scott Hardin said, “I thought Delta Sigma Phi won, scor- was exhilarating, and I do not and ammunition made in the state and Minchuk, began planning Greek Games went really ing 17 points and displacing regret getting frostbite on my intended for use in the state exempt from in early March. Barron said, well for being planned in a former champions Pi Kappa fingers from plowing through federal regulations. This means no regis- “Starting the planning early, week and 4 days. It was a lot Alpha. Sophomore top of the half gallon of ice cream.” tration, background checks, or dealer li- picking a day and establish- of fun and a really awesome the Delta Sigma Phi pyramid Alpha Tau Omega came in censes are required for the exempt guns. ing the rules and guidelines, way to spend some quality Sam Wilson said, “I think it third with 10 points after win- The legislative bill was signed by Gov- helped out a lot, and basi- time with sisters!” promotes pride in your fra- ning the eating competition. ernor Brian Scheitzer, a Democrat, and cally all that was left in the Alpha Omicron Pi placed ternity and helps establish Also notable, said Cody Bar- it cites the 10th Amendment to the U.S. last two weeks was getting third, scoring 10 points across tradition,” about the Greek ron was the “inventive” char- Constitution as the basis for the exemp- the shirts ordered, the food the various events. Fresh- Games. Pi Kappa Alpha took iot made by Theta Xi, a “two- tion. Supporters of the bill claim the bill bought, and cooperation man AOII Melissa Galey said, second, scoring 16 points, manned shopping cart.” will force a constitutional showdown, because they claim federal firearms laws do not apply to guns intended solely for Rose celebrates Mom’s Day Montana, and the federal government only has the power to regulate com- Tim Ekl dent affairs. such as free massages and an upon, both Gustafsons work to- merce across state lines. Photo Editor The play, which ran Friday open house at the observatory. gether to create the weekend’s through Sunday, drew over 350 “There are kind of some stan- schedule of events. Not content with merely par- reservations from moms, stu- dard [activities] every year,” Mom’s Day is the last of Stress test results for taking in the national Mother’s dents, and families. Other big- Gustafson said. “We try to do the four major events the Day festivities, Rose-Hulman t i c k e t s o m e - Parents’ Association is in- banks released recently hosted its very own w e e k - t h i n g volved in. The first three maternally oriented holiday: end ac- on a – Dad’s Day, homecoming, The Federal Reserve has released the Mom’s Day. tivities Generally Mom’s and Friday and orientation – all took findings from the “stress -tests” through The annual Mom’s Day cel- includ- n i g h t , place closer to the beginning which the Fed has put American banks. ebration took place last week- ed the Dad’s Days are booked t h e n of the academic year. The results from these long-awaited re- end, bringing hundreds of Mo m’s we try Of the four events, Mom’s sults state that ten of the nineteen larg- moms and other family mem- D a y around play weekends. to have Day and Dad’s Day are most est banks in the country need to raise bers to campus for two days of D i n - t h r e e closely paired. However, around $75 billion in capital to be able activities. Over a dozen events ner, at- or four Rose-Hulman intends for to survive any further economic deterio- took place over the course of tended “-Pete Gustafson educa- the two to remain separate ration. Government officials have said the weekend for students and by 200, t i o n events. that a strong banking system is needed moms alike to enjoy, the most and the p r o - Over the weekend, the Par- to ensure an economic rebound, and the prevalent of which was this “ P r i c e g r a m s ents’ Association also hosted report showed that while the banking year’s play, a staging of “The is Rite” game, which saw 300 on Saturday.” about 70 parents at an open system is not fully healed, progress has Wizard of Oz.” visitors. The activities are mostly meeting to plan for future been made. Government officials have “Generally Mom’s and Dad’s Aside from the big events, planned by the Parents’ Associ- events. Parents expressed also said that none of the banks will be Days are booked around play Mom’s Day weekend featured ation, a student group targeted “very positive feedback” allowed to fail. weekends,” said Pete Gus- several smaller educational at family” outreach programs. about the Mom’s Day activi- tafson, vice-president of stu- sessions and other attractions, Once the programs are decided ties, according to Gustafson. In this issue of the Rose Thorn... Birds and bees... Athlete of the

A bike adventure

NEWS OPINIONS Week:

F Andrew Pinkstaff LIPSIDE 4 LIVING 6 ENTERTAINMENT 3 X-Men: Origins Kindle 8 Cut Off Your Hands 5

7SPORTS

8 PAGE -

NEWS - PAGE 3 ENTERTAINMENT - PAGE 4 LIVING - PAGE 5 OPINIONS - PAGE 6 SPORTS - PAGE 7 FLIPSIDE 2 PUZZLES & CLASSIFIEDS The Rose Thorn Rose-Doku Crypto-Quote of the Week By Melissa Brumbaugh By Melissa Brumbaugh Instructions: Instructions: Use the letters: E P W A S H N O T to fill Solve the puzzle by deciphering the following quote and fig- in the missing spaces. Be sure not to re- ure out from which movie the quote is. Each letter represents peat any letter in each row, column, or 3x3 a different letter in the alphabet. square. Hint (Solution = Crypto): W E A A = T B = H C = A H S A N NZF IYDY MJTGCSGU ZG NZFD JZSOYJ, TGC NZF A T P S ______, ______A H N IYDY XTGUSGU T AOZAP, TGC NZF QYOO, TGC NZF T A W S ______, ______, ______S W H XSJ NZFD XYTC ZG JXY MSGP. TGC JXTJ’M O N T ______. ______’_ IXYG NZF ATVY FK ISJX JXY SCYT QZD O S H ______

Find the answers to all Rose Thorn puzzles at: JXY QOFE ATKTASJZD. http://www.rose-hulman.edu/thorn ______. CLASSIFIEDS House for Rent House for Rent Studious, non-smoking, animal loving person to share 3bd., 4bd., spacious, quiet for study, EXTRA NICE! Call house in 25th and Poplar area. $350 per month plus half Sharp Flats, LLC 232-6977 after 11 am, leave ph #. of utilities. 317-598-0912. Check out Sharp Flats East, just the first light after RHIT’s campus. It is the closest off campus hous- 3 Two 6 Bedroom Houses For Rent ing offering one bedrooms starting at ($460), studios starting at($395) and efficiencies starting at ($360) . Reserve your housing NOW for 09/10 school year. Our student community has clean, furnished and un- Several 5 minute drive to campus from town, several furnished flats, on site laundry, lots of parking, basket- near S. 6th and College Ave. Large, private bedrooms, ball, free WiFi, and some recycling. Our flats include Apartments for rent 2 plus baths, C/A, 2 car garages, all utilities included, all or some utilities too! washer / dryer / fridge / range / and dishwasher. Clean Call 812-877-1146 to schedule a visit at your conve- Summer or Fall 1 to 3 bedroom apts. Stove/Refrig furn. and well maintained with 24/7 service. 9-12 Mo Leases. nience! Or check us out on the web at sharpflats.com. Also available 5 bedroom house, $995. per mo plus utili- In better neighborhood with ample parking. Rose and ties ISU occupied. 812-478-9286 Gibson Apts 234-4884

Editorial Staff The Rose Thorn Thorn Staff

Co-Editor in Chief Scott Gallmeier CM 5037, 5500 Wabash Ave. Staff Writers Eli Baca Co-Editor in Chief Andrew Klusman Terre Haute, IN 47803-3999 Matthew Bryant Co-Editor in Chief Jim Sedoff Phone:(812)877-8255 Annie Bullock Emeritus Fax: (812)877-8166 Andrew Ernster News Editor Noel Spurgeon E-mail: [email protected] Mitchell Ishmael Lindsey Saxton Entertainment Editor Ben Collins http://www.rose-hulman.edu/thorn Living Editor Melissa Brumbaugh Melissa Schwenk Opinions Editor Christine Price Elliot Simon Sports Editor Tim Boyer “Working to keep the Rose-Hulman community informed Hobey Tam Sports Editor Emeritus Mike Ferguson by providing an accurate and J.P. Verkamp Humor Editor James Zhou dependable source for news and information.” Humor Editor Emeritus Matt Melton Co-Copy Editor Clint Thompson The Rose Thorn is published on Fridays Co-Copy Editor Carly Baehr first through ninth week each quarter. Photo Editor Tim Ekl Photo Editor Emeritus Andrew Carlson Cartoonist Nick Easter Layout Manager Cari Harper

Administrative Staff Photographers Albert Mui Advertising Manager Lindsey Saxton Matt Vargo Business Manager Andrew Carlson Webmaster Tom W. Most Advisor Richard House

The Rose Thorn welcomes and encourages comments from its readers. We request that all letters to the editor be less than 600 words in length. THE DEADLINE FOR CONTENT SUBMISSION IS 5 P.M. THREE DAYS PRIOR TO PUBLICATION All content should be submitted to [email protected] or to the Rose Thorn Office (Hulman Memorial Union room 249). The editors reserve the right to edit submissions for clarity, grammar, length, and factual errors. The editors reserve the right to accept content changes submitted after deadline. All letters must contain the writer’s signature (electronic form is acceptable) and contact information (e-mail address and/or phone number). The views expressed in the Rose Thorn are those of the original author and do not necessarily represent the views of the Rose Thorn staff or Rose-Hulman community. Friday, May 8, 2009 NEWS 3 Cut Off Your Hands performs at Rose Noel Spurgeon mance. While in Bloomington, together to spread word, raise N e w s E d i t o r Huff started a conversation with awareness, and get others in- the guitarist, and formed plans volved in the crisis in Darfur. This past Tuesday, the Rose- for a show. After a period of ham- Proceeds from album (which Hulman campus radio station mering out details, plans for a includes artists such as The De- WMHD sponsored a concert by concert were finalized, which re- cemberists, My Morning Jacket, the New Zealand-based band sulted in Tuesday’s performance. and Gnarls Barkley) go to three Cut Off Your Hands on the Union The concert was also the first non-profit organizations work- patio. The concert featured the in what WMHD hopes will be a ing in Darfur. These organiza- local legend Tim and the Amaz- series of concerts with more well- tions are Human Rights Watch, ing Chinstrap (Tim Hasler) as known acts. OxFam America, and Doctors an opener. Fifty to sixty people “With our new budget passed, Without Borders. attended the concert, not in- we’ll be able to bring in better- The Causes 2 album was cluding those listening through known acts,” said Hengehold. played both before the show and open windows. “We intend to incorporate stu- between acts. OxFam America’s “Cut Off Your Hands has been dent input into our decisions via Media and Music Coordinator huge on the college music scene a survey we’ll have at our promo worked with WMHD to provide for a while now,” said WMHD’s event in the commons on Friday. stickers, buttons, and literature Kevin Hengehold. “They played Students can look forward to big- containing information about at Laneway Festival, South By ger acts in the coming school the crisis in Darfur, and what Southwest (SXSW), and the year, and we’d love student input people can do to get involved. CMJ Music Marathon in 2008. to help decide what those acts Attendees of the concert showed WMHD was represented there will be.” interest in the cause, taking pam- [the CMJ Music Marathon], However, perhaps the most phlets and other items. which is how we first became important feature of the concert “Both parties were really ex- aware of the band.” was the listening party held dur- cited about what we were doing,” Cut Off Your Hands toured the ing the concert. WHMD was con- said Brittany Young, WMHD Pro- TIm Ekl/ Rose Thorn Midwest this past winter. Some tacted by Waxploitation Records, motions Director. “I really en- of the WMHD staff, including and asked to play their Causes 2 joyed the experience and the The New Zealand-based band Cut Off Your Hands performs on the Union Program Director Xander Huff, album. The album is a compi- excitement both groups put into patio at Rose-Hulman. The concert, sponsered by WMHD, featured a lis- saw their Bloomington perfor- lation of various artists working making this happen.” tening party for the Causes 2 album as well as local act Tim Hasler. Rose-Hulman quarterly blood drive

TIm Ekl/ Rose Thorn Rose-Hulman students participate in the quarterly blood drive, both by volunteering at the food table and donating (above). The blood drive occurs every quarter, and is organized by Indiana Blood Centers. In this quarter’s blood drive, which lasted from May 5th to May 6th, Rose students donated a total of 233 pints of blood. 4 ENTERTAINMENT The Rose Thorn Good start for the summer The songs of a man “X-Men Origins: ” and his Maragret: Eli Baca “The Hazards of Love” Staff Writer

Generating $85.1 million over Ben Collins the weekend at the box offi ce,” Entertainment X-Men Origins: Wolverine” kicked E d i t o r off the summer movie season with a roar. The fi lm is the fourth in the The Decemberists have X-Men movie series, but was made always been the one group as a prequel to the fi rst three, and that could do no wrong; tells the story of how Logan came “Picturesque” and “The to be known as the Wolverine. The Crane Wife” have been story runs 107 minutes and two of my most listened is sure to grab your attention with to albums, the latter be- its fi ght scenes and stun- ing most likely my best re- ning special effects—as well as a membered album of 2007. very buff Hugh Jackman. Meow. I’d been waiting expec- “Origins” opens with a quick tantly for their new album look into how Logan and his through much of 2008, but http://www.amazon.com brother, Victor Creed (aka Sabret- with the steady release The fi fth studio album from the Oregon folk ooth), came to be part of William of good music at the end singers, it really is their most ambitious and Stryker’s elite mutant special-ops of last year, The Decem- probably their best yet. team. This initial team consists berists were the furthest of David North /Agent Zero, Fred thing from my mind. Dukes /The , Chris Brad- However, upon hearing of classic Decemberists. ley /Bolt, John Wraith, and Wade their latest release, “The Haz- Story aside, I can say that af- Wilson/. Logan ends ards of Love,” it did not take ter listening to the album for up splitting from the group after the slightest thought to clasp the first time, I’ve listened to he won’t demolish a village, and it firmly to my bosom in joy. I the album in its entirety every eventually the group disbands, had heard nothing about the time since. The music is well leaving Logan to cut down trees album since its release and structured and flows fantasti- with his lady love Kayla Silverfox. hadn’t heard about any singles, cally from song to song; there When Stryker fi nds Logan and an oddity for their catchy folk are several reprises but they informs him that Victor’s gone lyrics. Having listened to it are done well and well placed , the main event of the mov- considerably since receiving it, between major songs. “Won’t ie really starts. For X-Men geeks, I can understand why. This is Want for Love” and “Queen’s Re- other mutants in the movie in- the experimental craft of Colin buke,” however, are my favorite clude Remy LeBeau /, a Meloy into the foray of a larger, songs of the album because of young Scott Summers/, interconnected story within the the guest female singers, Becky and . songs of the album; it’s ambi- Stark and Shara Worden. While Directed by Gavin Hood (“Ren- tious and Meloy has called it his the ladies are more fluttery and dition”) and written by David “folk opera.” As exciting as that more over the top than Colin, it Benioff (“The Kite Runner,” http://www.x-menorigins.com/ sounds, however, this has easily works to give variety to the al- “Troy”) and Skip Woods (“Hit- cinched my album of the year. ready well-balanced group. In his fourth reprise of Wolverine, Hugh Jackman returns to the griitier man,” “Swordfi sh”), “Origins” is The story follows the life of While I can pick out songs depths of the character reminiscent of the “X-Men.” He is the protago- packed with high intensity scenes a man who was saved by the that I like from the album, it’s nist among a plethora of fan favorites just playing a badass. and some romantic angst, but in queen of the taiga forest he re- easier and more accurate to say the super-hero genre, the movie sides in. To put the plot sim- the album as a single entity is is really just a nice night out. ply, he meets the love of his life the real star. Sitting there and There’s a lot of information given mind bogglingly fantastic; espe- chise may be dwindling.” X-Men while he is in the form of a fawn, revelling within the lush forest throughout the movie, and while cially after “” and “The Origins: Wolverine” is a good time which was bestowed upon him stage Colin has laid out, it’s easy the many mutants introduced are Dark Knight” from last summer, it at the box offi ce, and a good start by the queen. The lady, Marga- to see how marvelous this could really awesome, the audience gets is sad to see but it did open up the to the summer movie season, but ret, tends to him, but as night be as a live opera. This is a true about fi ve minutes of time with franchise to new faces. The fi rst doesn’t really blow up many peo- comes, he becomes a man and masterpiece of recent time. each of them, and then continues three fi lms focused on the X-Men ple’s skirts. they make love on the forest on the “Origins” rollercoaster. team as it is now, so it was slightly floor. There’s more to it after Hugh Jackman does a fantas- refreshing to see faces from the that, but it’s a story better heard Reviewer rating: 3.0 elephants Reviewer rating: 5.0 elephants tic job, but audience members other side, or even just Gambit than explained. The lyrics of the should expect that, since this is and a young Emma Frost. True to story were whimsical and, ad- the fourth time he’s played the Marvel movie history, they took mittedly, a little corny, but it’s character. The other actors also do the franchise of a beloved comic a very good job with their charac- and made it a good, decent mov- ters, giving new faces to old comic ie.; they kept to the basics of the names, but each of their stories comic history, but tried to make has really just opened. Actually, an more out of the story by adding entirely new chapter in the X-Men the crazy special effects. universe is opened, but the movie The X-Men series has been get- strictly follows Wolverine, giving ting worse with each movie, and small glimpses into other parts of Wolverine does nothing to help the X-Men scheme but not satis- the cause except provide an hour fyingly. and a half of mutants beating the Hood jam-packed the movie crap out of each other, oh and Music: Movies: Games: with as many mutant bodies as people tragically dying. The actors he could fi nd and told the story of make the movie much better than Cam’rom Star Trek Sacred 2: Wolverine, but the movie wasn’t it is but the X-Men movie fran- Crime Pays Fallen Angel Next Day Air (Xbox 360, PS3) Crisis in Hollywood Safe and Sound Outrage Help Wanted (Wii) The Datsuns DVDs: Headstunts Killing Floor Taken (PC) Meat Puppets Sewn Together Underworld: Pirates vs. Ninjas Rise of the Lycans Dodgeball George McConnell (Wii) Singles Only Care Bears: Fun Pack Friday, May 8, 2009 LIVING 5 A Bicycle Adventure Melissa Schwenk IU students would survive, S t a f f W r i t e r but really, if the world was doomed to be populated by When my boyfriend, Andrew, Hoosiers, I don’t think I’d invited me to the Little 500, I want to survive. thought he was talking about a When we finally got back NASCAR qualifying race. Little to the parking lot, we were did I know this was another op- forced to park towards the portunity for me to support a back. Luckily I have a small cause (one of my new favorite car and can fit it into most things). For those of you who spaces, or we might not don’t know, the Little 500, or have found a spot. Parking Little 5, is a bicycle race put on is free, but not much else by different universities, usually is. We made the mistake of to raise money for scholarships. not taking any water or sun- At IU Bloomington, where we screen with us. By chance I attended the race, there were happened to have some sun- women’s and men’s races, along screen in my glove compart- with a running race called the ment from three years ago, so Little 50. The entire school par- we decided to take a chance ticipates, with both indepen- on it working. Better placebo dent teams and teams hosted sunscreen than no sunscreen, by fraternities. we thought. Since here at Rose we have to After we made our way take advantage of every minute into the stadium, paying the of the weekend, we stayed up forty dollars for two tickets, late the night before, playing we stopped by a food booth. campus golf. When we woke Three dollars for a bottle of up, we felt like . Staying water may seem outrageous up late isn’t a good idea. Once but when faced with the pros- we got on the road we were pect of getting dehydrated, Melissa Schwenk / Rose Thorn able to enjoy a long scenic drive we were willing to pretty much The winning team of the Little 500 in Bloomington on their victory lap. through middle of nowhere In- pay any price. After getting diana. Andrew didn’t think it scalped for two bottles of Di- was as funny as I did when, as hydrogen monoxide, we made were easily distinguished from The race was exciting, with Adventure). It took us more than we flew down the hills, I threw our way into the stands. We the other teams. the lead changing with every an hour to get out, since most of my hands in the air like we were found a seat and waited for the Even before the race started, lap. The Cutters were always the exits were blocked. It took on a roller coaster. I guess I’ll race to start. One tip for those the guys in front of us were towards the front of the pack, us almost as long to get out of a have to save my awesome driv- of you who, like me, don’t en- standing on the bleachers. The even after a nasty ten-bike pile parking lot as it did to get home. ing abilities for when I’m driv- joy standing for long periods of IU soccer stadium has nice up which put them a lap behind. On top of that, I started to feel ing by myself. time: Don’t sit behind the fra- seats that are butt-shaped, The cat and mouse game they where the back of my calves had When we finally got to IU ternities. We were behind ATO good for sitting but not for played with the other teams, burnt. Turns out, I should have Bloomington, we realized we and Alpha Chi Omega and right standing. Fortunately the ex- starting at the back of the large put some of the old sunscreen were way too early for the race next to Sigma Chi, all of whom citement of the race kept my group only to be leading it at there, since everywhere I’d put it and decided to take a look stood the whole time, chanting mind off my feet. All around us the next curve, kept everyone had stayed nice and pale, a love- around campus. One of An- and berating the other teams. were students who were either on their feet, yelling encour- ly contrast to the burn splotch drew’s friends from home goes Since both of us were from still drunk from the night be- agement to their favorite team. on my shoulder between where to IU Bloomington and lives on Rose, we had no idea whom to fore or had gotten off to an early In the end, they were victorious I’d gotten the sunscreen and my campus, so we decided to visit cheer for. We both have differ- start. I need to emphasize that for the second year in a row, and shirt strap. Quite attractive, let his dorm. I have never felt more ent fraternity affiliations and this event is only kid friendly if for the tenth time since 1977. me tell you. trapped in a building in my life. didn’t want to cheer for a Rose you are far away from the fra- We stayed long enough to see For those of you already look- There was a lock on every door, fraternity, but we also had no ternity boys. What might have the winners take a victory lap ing for activities for your next every elevator. It was quite a idea which fraternity had a been playful banter at Rose was and then went back to the car. spring quarter, the Little 500 change from Rose, where any- chance. We decided to cheer for filled with profanity at the race. Getting out of the parking lot should be added to your list. It one can wander in and out of the champions from last year, I wanted to earmuff the kid next was the worst experience I’ve was worth every penny we spent the dorms. I guess in the event the Cutters. They had Lance to me and might have had I ac- ever had (yes, worse than the on it, although next year we’ll be of a Zombie all the Armstrong yellow jerseys that tually liked children. drunk people from my Tri-State taking our own water with us. A girls’ guide for guys Ladies’ Man

Lindsey Saxton Do Don’t Elliot Simon Many Rose students become A d v e r t i sing Manager Staff Writer disillusioned with the prospects Ask a girl to dance. If they’re Hover around some random for earnest female interaction This week’s article targets standing on the dance floor, chick or just start dancing Dear Ladies’ Man, after suffering at the hands of a certain set of people. There that’s what they’re for. with her. Both are creepy. I’m interested in a guy in one numerous others who were are some Rose students that of my classes. We talk all the aware of the power they wield- avoid parties, and that’s OK. time, and he sits right next to ed at a school full of nerdy guys. For those that like to let their Keep the dancing PG unless Stick your hand underneath me. I keep dropping a million Common symptoms of “Rose hair down and dance once in a she initiates more. her clothing. You will get hints for him to ask me out to Goddess Syndrome” include, while, there are some definite slapped. the movies, but he never seems but are not limited to: asking dos and don’ts for the average to get the message. What should for unreasonable amounts of party. When I say average party, I do? help from guys, while offering I mean the kind where there’s Play her in a drinking game. “Take it easy” on her or com- Rose Girl little in return— you can always mostly a bar, a dance floor, Some girls are actually decent pletely destroy her. Complain find another guy to do your bid- and a game room or two Those at them. because she’s not drinking. Dear Rose Girl, ding; an un-warranted sense of are the best kind, because you Play any games that involve her While I’m sure this is a com- self-confidence; and finally, ap- can do whatever you’re in the taking off her clothes. mon problem at Rose (*cough* pearing unapproachable to av- mood for, whether it be danc- not really *cough*) I’d be happy erage men who do not pay you ing or just hanging out. There to give you some advice. I’d like homage. are things that some guys do Ask her for her number if Make plans with a set date and to mention that if he is indeed If you exhibit any of these that label them as creepers to you’re at all interested. You time. There’s quite a possibility male and ignoring your advanc- traits, the guy you’re interested be avoided from the very be- never know, things might hap- that one of the two of you won’t es, he most likely is gay, has in has probably just tuned your ginning of the party. pen. remember them in the morning. a girlfriend, or is a CS. While advances out. However, it is Parties are meant to let you there is nothing wrong with any possible to regain his attention relax and have fun. So, enjoy of these, I would advise looking if you just keep at it. He will yourself. Just make sure you Expect something more to elsewhere for your movie-going eventually come ‘round. The don’t end up on YouTube the Ask her if she wants to head happen if the two of you dance pleasure. In case he is NOT in best option at this point is per- next day. Puking the entire con- back to your place if that’s together. Nine times out of fact any of the above, then he is sistence. Until he says no. At tents of your stomach onto the what you both seem to want ten, a dance is just a dance. merely accidentally filtering out which point we can definitively street is also a bad idea. to happen. Don’t expect more to come honest female interest (“Rose say he is one of the aforemen- The Thorn does not condone, of it unless she indicates she Goddess Syndrome” is a com- tioned gentlemen and is not in- encourage, or admit to the pres- wants more to happen. mon cause of this “over-filter- terested. But, as they say, there ence of underage drinking. ing” symptom). are plenty of fish in the sea… 6 OPINIONS The Rose Thorn Paper or plastic? seriously. Mark Minster

It won’t acquire multiple “Return While the argument that “it pre- Curious fact: the adjective between saying, “logically, my To:” notes inside the cover. When vents people from reading what “God-haunted” is used by, or footprint will probably increase” Price picking books, you can get hun- they actually want to read” may about, a number of writers, de- and saying “through no choice dreds and thousands of reviews not be the best of pro-book argu- spite their differences, from Flan- of my own, my footprint is going and recommendations, but those ments, it is a point nevertheless. nery O’Connor and Isaac Bashevis to increase, and ain’t nothing no- are from people you don’t know, I would comment on the man- Singer to John Updike. “Haunted body can do about it.” And most or an algorithm. True, you can still datory “send your PDF to Amazon by God” is the title of a biography students said something like that: discuss books with your friends. and have them convert it for your of Dorothy Day, the founder of “The die is cast. Case closed.” And But a friend can’t let you borrow Kindle,” but with the new Kindle the Catholic Worker Movement. that’s not just nonsense, it’s haunt- Christine Price a Kindle book; if they really think DX that is being released this It’s a common concept, being ing nonsense. You were not made Opinions Editor you should read The Secret Life of summer, that is no longer man- god-haunted, because it gets at for your way of life. You make your Lobsters, you have to pay $10 to datory. So that’s a moot point. the feeling way of life. I’m torn about the Kindle. get it for yourself. And because But back to books. When you of being Choices are One of my friends owns one, there is money on the line, there’s finish a book, there is a quiet pursued by not made for and in some respects, it’s re- a good chance that the anony- sense of accomplishment. You m e a n i n g , There is no good you. Not real- ally, really cool. If you go on a mous horde will be consulted for started on page one. You have that there ly. You choose. trip, you don’t have to leave your their opinions. There are lots of now finished all 867 pages. Each is more to That job is earth than is reason the most yours and books behind to make room for books I have ended up loving, but time you turned the page, the dreamt of in yours alone: souvenirs. It has really awesome I would only begin reading one of number of pages in your left our philoso- tech-savvy country if you don’t screensavers, or whatever the im- them because I could easily bor- hand grew, and the number pag- phy. From make your ages are called that are brought row it from a friend for free. With es in your right hand shrunk. Not in the world should the German “ life choices, up for sleep mode. It’s filled with ebooks, this is no longer a (legal) so with a Kindle. When you get to Romantics, someone else snazzy technology. You look cool option. the end, you can’t close the book C.S. Lewis still be using an will. Or, tragi- when you read it. It has access to Real books with real covers not with a satisfying thud and place b o r r o w e d cally, they Wikipedia. only encourage people to try new it on the bookshelf, or return it the term eighteenth-century will never be But something inside of me books and for those with similar to the library ahead of schedule. Sehnsucht. made at all. still sees it as innately wrong. book-taste to become acquaint- No, with a Kindle you just… get W h a t e v e r fuel. This brings While reading a book is a solitary ed, it may also encourage readers to the bottom of the document. you call it, me back to activity, reading in general can be to be more scholarly. Few people Maybe I’m just bitter because I I’ve got it. I coal. It’s a very social. When you are on a want to be caught in public read- don’t have a Kindle. can’t see something without won- dirty, inefficient fuel, even when bus with a Kindle, nobody knows ing an harlequin novel, so they But for now, I’m happy with dering what it means, or why it it’s supposedly clean. There is no what you are reading. If you are take Austen out in public instead. paper. means. Occupational hazard. good reason the most tech-savvy an adult reading a Redwall book In the gospels, Jesus says some country in the world should still this is a blessing; but if you are a things that haunt me. “Go sell all be using an eighteenth-century student who would love to have a you have and give it to the poor” fuel.” “It’s cheap!” people say, conversation with a stranger that is one. The “at hand” in Jesus’ which is wrong. It’s plentiful: happens to also be a Pratchett or formulation “the realm of God is that’s true. But until you factor in Bryson fan, good luck. at hand” is another, though I’m the costs of what gets spewed and Kindles also represent the digi- quite sure it doesn’t mean we’re what gets stored, even with “clean talizing and de-personalization on the verge of some Left Behind coal,” an oxymoron if ever there of our social interactions. With apocalypse. So please don’t drink was; until you factor in the health book 1.0, you can talk with friends the Kool-Aid. (Jim Jones. That was costs, the subsidies, the costs of about which books are good. You a while ago.) mining, the costs of arsenic and can loan them out, or hide them Another saying I’ve been think- mercury and lead, the spills and among your friends’ possessions ing about, haunted by, is this: the slurries; until you do that, until they start reading your books “man was not made for the Sab- you’re not counting true costs. It’s in the hopes that it will get you to bath, but the Sabbath was made only cheap if you’re doing first- finally stop. You could write little for man.” This one seems easily grade math, if you’re willing to notes in the margins, then sell understood: we make the rules, bury your remainders where the the books to used book stores, rules don’t make us. Still, it haunts poor people live. If Duke Energy and allow other people to ponder me. had to pay for what it does to the your brilliant commentary. With I’ve been thinking about this as Wabash and to our air, coal would http://portablecontent.wordpress.com/category/books/ I’ve been reading about coal. not be nearly so “cheap.” a Kindle, your book may never Because that sentence isn’t go- Again, though, what discon- be tarnished, but it won’t travel. The Amazon Kindle, the recursive version, coming out in fall ing to make much sense, let me certs me most is the attitude that back up. I catch myself with sometimes, I was teaching Literature and and I hear it from others, others the Environment two years ago, being “reasonable”: “coal gasifica- In defense of torture and I asked students to measure tion may be an acceptable baby Hobey Tam their ecological footprints (“how step until we find something gation techniques are completely As Carly Baehr makes a point many acres would we need if ev- more viable.” Maybe. Maybe. But Staff Writer justifiable because they are prac- to repeat, “[I repeat], it is always eryone lived like me?”). You factor I’m not convinced. What troubles ticed with the intent to protect the wrong to intentionally cause in things like how much you drive, me is this one: “coal is going to be Those who have experienced American people and their inter- harm to another person.” What what you eat, how large your used because it is abundant and it say the sensation of drowning ests. Torture, on the other hand, is about self-defense? If someone home is, etc. Then I asked them to affordable, and there’s nothing is one of the worst feelings that an act of vengeance with only one sought to harm me with a firearm speculate about what might hap- anyone can do about it.” That’s as one can go through. Biologically party’s interests in mind. The two and I disarm him and in doing pen to that footprint in five years. backwards as saying that we ex- speaking, your lungs are scream- should not be confused. The UN’s so I kill him, does that make me Almost all of them said, “It’s going ist for the fuel economy we have ing and every nerve in your body definition (quoted in Ms. Baehr’s just as bad as them - a murderer? to go up.” made. Backwards. We made our is lighting up to take some sort article) is simply contrived legal What if he wasn’t even intention- Now that’s probably true, but fuel economy. And if it’s not work- of action to get your head out of lingo that bears negligible ju- ally trying to hurt me? What if I it’s not what disconcerts me. ing, we can change it. the water. Eventually you start to risdiction on United States soil. was trying to stop a hostage situ- There won’t be people to clean And it’s not working. slip into the limbo. The pain and From an idealist point of view, ation/robbery and I mutilated your rooms (this still floors me, by There is more to earth than stress become nominal - it’s a sort Ms. Baehr’s article merits validity. him for life? Does that make me the way; do we think you’re tod- is dreamt of in our philosophy, of peace, a calm, as your heart However, we as engineers know a criminal that loves hacking off dlers?), and so you’ll have to buy more than the “overburden” coal flatlines. Your eyes glaze over as firsthand, the world is not ideal, limbs of other individuals? The your own things, repair them; you companies find in the way of they capture your last fleeting perfect, or anything close. It is a man could have not even wanted won’t live on a campus, more than seams, an overburden that in- moments of life and you cease world filled with chaos, unfore- to hurt anyone and I took away likely; no meal plan. Your lives will cludes mountains, forests, riv- to exist as your oxygen-deprived seen factors, and imperfections. everything he had. What if I was more than likely cost the earth ers, animals, and humans, whole brain shuts down forever. From a realist standpoint, the protecting my family from an in- more than they do now. communities of the dispossessed. However, during an act of tor- interrogation techniques prac- truder? What if the intruder only But what disconcerts me, again, It’s time we factored that into our ture, you do not reach the calm. ticed by those who seek to protect wanted our valuables – a trivial isn’t that. Rather, it’s the fine line accounting. You are repeatedly stuck in and American interests are complete- crime when compared to terror- out of the water until climax in ly justifiable and appropriate. Do ism? What then if I put two bullets pain and panic, but you never not even try to argue against the in his chest and one in his head? Have opinions? Send them to reach the falling action of dying. validity of the information yield- What if the only way to keep him [email protected] You do not enjoy the luxury of ed from interrogation. It has been as far away from my family as death in water boarding. Is it hu- in use throughout humanity’s his- possible was to drown him in a tions who have taught us, our own many of our generation do not mane? Strictly taken out of con- tory. Interrogation and espionage toilet bowl using the seat as a bat- flesh and blood – how can you sit know and thus do not appreciate text, of course not. Why would it have flourished within the past tering ram to keep his head in the there and do nothing? what it takes to ensure your qual- be justifiable to give one individ- century with modern techniques water? Ms. Baehr, perhaps you do ity of life here in America – the ual so much suffering over and sprouting during the World Wars. You see the flawed logic of such not love your family enough to great problem of our generation. over again? Battles have been evaded and a statement that is Ms. Baehr’s mortgage your life for theirs, but A few of us have ventured out of Assuming peacetime condi- won from interrogation. Multiple thesis? Apply the aforementioned I would be willing to do that and America and have seen how bad tions, such an act is despicable terrorist threats have been coun- scenario to a macro scale. Intrud- more. The people who put them- it can get in third world countries and represents the epitome of in- tered and many lives saved. One ers into America seeking to cause selves on the line every day to where governments are not will- humanity. However, during times cannot refute the effectiveness of harm to our family, our future protect this country are mortgag- ing to protect the interests of their of war, incentives change. Interro- modern interrogation. generations, our older genera- ing their lives for yours. You and people. Rose Thorn: Thorn. Rose The for questions answer III Baseball Tournament. Division NCAA the to bid matic auto the for Conferencevying Tournament, Heartland Athletic the Collegiate of midst the in now is Rose-Hulman season. lar regu the of game last the series, three-gamethe of thirdgame the 23-1 win over Defiance College in in three more. scoring twice himself and driving player, baseball Rose-Hulman a as homerun first his and a double single, a hit baseman second The effort. big a made Pinkstaff weekend, past This time. playing of share his seen has but starter the from oftheseason. first part him kept only injury that another but season, had this early scare He Rose. at year last his for season and this returned injury the from time recover to the took major gineering old, and this is my fourth year of year fourth my is this and old, ing baseball since I was five years f aeal Te eir ii en civil senior The year baseball. junior of his on out missing season, the in early suffered he injury an to due season last that do to had Pinkstaff Andrew love. they game a play friends watch Tim Boyer Andrew Pinkstaff been involvedinbaseball? iktf to sm tm to time some took Pinkstaff the to contributed effort His Pinkstaff is not your every-game ts ad o ayn t st and sit to anyone for It’s r hard o t i d E s t r o p S

Fri How long have you day :

I’ve been play , May8,20 - - - - 0 summers. little old year couple a for teams all-star league 8 coached I’vealso Rose-Hulman. at baseball o ti porm il el you tell will program this for played ever has who guy any and family, special a is baseball man lineup. the in guy every from tribution con a requires that Sunday,and we think had 10 hits or I so in one inning on tournament. ence in the season and you had an had you and season the in early from suffered you injury an of because season the for team cantopthateffort? Tour Baseball National NCAA received an at-large bid to the RT: that. AP this year? R AP out game? did How it feel to have such a break homerun. Rose-Hulman first your and double a single, RT: nament. Do you think this years dugout the in back be to feel it other scare this year. How does our team even more. Rose-Hul more. even team our of camaraderie the missed I but I can describe while I was injured, confer the into heading finish strong a such have team the see to better even felt it But, career. my of moments baseball special last my most in the of one was bat at home run home the and last home game at Rose-Hulman, Pinkstaff 9 Andrew T: : : Last year, the baseball team Last year, you had to sit out sit to had you year, Last I missed the game morethan game the missed I It felt great to play well in my in well play to great felt It at ekn yu i a hit you weekend Last ------iktf add h following the added Pinkstaff question isyet tocome… of mytime. bunch a up takes that life my in and girl special a have also fishing, I golfing. hunting, are bies do that,we can’t lose. we If rope. the of end same the ery guy on the team has to pull on Ev ground. the off all balls thrown keep and outs, 27 secure ly, conference tournament. ping last year’s is effort to win the r obe otie f base of outside hobbies or to overcome to win the HCAC the win to have overcome to would team year’s this nior goingout. it more, but it means a lot as a se deserved and hits more had who guys other being were There of selected. honor the for Thanks comment: AP you’ve received? RT: AP ball? RT: AP Tournament? R AP ae h ruie ly routine plays routine the make u aad r eonto that recognition or award ful hob biggest My over. is design senior that now time free little a top to step first The the level. next to abilities team’s our take to offseason the during in hours last on success year’s of team, and we put countless taste a got S T: : : : :

Right now, I’m to enjoy trying hts h ms meaning most the What’s

Do you have any activities any have you Do o ec gm, e ed to need we game, each For Hopefully the answer to that to answer Hopefullythe r tee n obstacles any there Are bouey S mn guys many So Absolutely. PORTS ------

vs. May 3 vs. May 3 vs. May 2

North B North Transylvania Univ DefianceCollege M Manchester Colle tournament game or match or game tournament #1 Transylvania ay 1&2 Engineer —Indianapolis, Ind. *—Indianapolis, Ind. *—Indianapolis, Ind. *—Indianapolis, Men’s Tennis Rose-Hulman Rose-Hulman Rose-Hulman #1 Franklin * 13 —Indicates —Indicates Transylvania Men’s Golf Heartland Championships

Franklin -

#8 Bluffton 8 #4 Anderson (7-1) Transylvania Game 4: end, Ohio

ge . Today, 12:30pm Game 6 Loser c onference onference #4/5 Hanover

(only if first loss)

#2 Mt. St. Joseph

Franklin

Game 7:

Scoreboard

5 9 5 4 0 Rose-Hulman If Necessary 1

#4/5 Franklin Saturday, 12:00pm #3 Rose-Hulman Championship Game Transylvania May 7 at May 3 at May 2 at May 2 vs.

Defiance Defiance Defiance HCAC Champion Game 6: #2 Rose-Hulman Franklin

Saturday, 12:00pm Rose-Hulman Rose-Hulman Rose-Hulman —Franklin, I *—Franklin, Rose-Hulman Baseball 2 Championship Game Rose-Hulman

9

Anderson Baseball - Men’s Tennis 11 College Game 3: #7 Manchester College University College

Today, 9:30am (13-6)

Rose-Hulman 5th Mt. St. Joseph Game 5: Tournament Today, 4:00pm

#3 Defiance nd. of 8

Game 4 Loser

Defiance

7

23 15 Brackets 1 1

5 1 1 1 2 #6 Anderson 1 VIII FLIPSIDE The Rose Thorn No awkward crotch shots of blood donors. We promise. The Bird’s Guide to Bees Would you rather?: Wacky prof quotes James Zhou containing a small dose of mel- “In general, if the preacher litin, are not very good at deep Heroes Edition comes and wants to take Jay walker penetrations. Thus, you can Hobey Tam your son ‘flower-pick- Chirp! Spring is here, flowers protect yourself with an extra Colliding isotopes of golden humor ing’...not a good idea.” are blooming, female humans fluffy layer of down feathers, or — Dr. Minster, who are wearing skirts, and the air is by wrapping some plastic sheets Would you rather be able to spontaneously create small explosions... would be upset if you abuzz with those little packets around yourself. Your appear- mistake him for a minis- of protein called bees. Yes, it is ance is also very important when ter. truly a great time for the recent pursuing bees. Bees are much fledging Merops apiaster. How- less likely to react in a negative “A rational person would ever, I should warn you that it manner when exposed to the have said at some point is often difficult and danger- earthy tones, so when you are ‘Mason, you’re not that ous to pursue bees. Contrary to grooming your feathers, be sure smart.’” their nomenclature, honeybees to use a mixture of pulped plant — Dr. Mason, fishing for are not always sweet, in neither leaves and dirt. However, spread- or... insults, ironically disposition nor taste. They are ing crushed flowers on yourself very aggressive and territorial; would not be a good idea, as that “Gahyaghyaghraghyagh!” they are also rather emo about it may cause many bees to envelop — Dr. Artigue, who is and quite willing to commit sui- you in an orgy of nectar feeding, trying to learn Klingon cide at the slightest provocation. which would leave you messy before the new Star Trek Thus, you must be careful how and disoriented in the morning. Defecate gold bricks? movie opens. you approach bees, especially So, have fun during the re- those who are only concerned maining spring evenings and re- “What can ethanol do, about pricking you. member not to drink too much This day... other than make you First of all, carry protection. fermented fruit juice before fly- Paramount Pictures is formed. The greatest movie regret a whole host of Bee stingers, while sharp and ing. 1930: of all time was made, but due to censorship, was bad life decisions?” never released to the general public. It was all downhill from there. — Dr. Mrs. DeVasher. Swine Flu Vaccine Found! Have the time of your life ...in history by temporarily lowering Matt Melton “Normal people simply can’t your inhibitions against function with so little sleep and doing stupid, yet fun, Sick, but not from pigs so much alcohol,” says one re- activities? In their latest national telecon- searcher. “It would take months, Top “10” Ten ference, researchers at the Mayo maybe even years, for someone to Top Ten Things “Well done guys, you Clinic made a stunning announce- develop those tolerances. Plus, it’s pounded that out, ment, declaring they found a vac- pretty damn expensive unless you Not to Say on Twitter showed it no mercy.” cine for the dangerous new Swine like Natty Ice.” — Dr. Moloney, oversee- Flu: Researchers have given sugges- Matt Melton ing a circular arrage-

Enroll at Rose-Hulman. tions on how to begin developing T w e e t s w i t h out restraint ment of students. “Yes, it sounds crazy,” says Dr. these tolerances and thus a weak- 10. Why is my boyfriend a %@#^? Siam Monzekee, head of epidemi- ened immune system via what is “It’s grown about six inch- ology research at the clinic, “but it’s being called “The Rose-Hulman es. We should be able to 9. Honey, I’m breaking up with you... Ladies, I’m single! simply the perfect of geo- Method.” Here are some of the see that.” graphical isolation and a radical most effective activities: — Dr. Stienstra, talking 8. Going to work for the %@#^ slave driver again... Screw the slave natural cure.” about the reaction of driver! Who wants to go to the beach? The flu, which has yet to spread •Drink more. For starters, turn rods to hot enviroments. to our secluded campus or local 21 now. 7. Forgot my girlfriend’s b’day. Where can I get flowers at 3 am? city, affects its victims by creating •Move into your local frat house. “This falls under the cat- what is called a “cytokine storm.” •Take any MA class that begins egory of ‘Mother Nature 6. Anyone know where my purple hummer is? I think I left it unlocked The storm is basically an over- with a 5. is a bitch” with my keys in it... reactance of the victim’s immune •Buy a Playstation 3, then main- — Dr. Thomas, who hit a system, causing it to harm itself tain a 3.8 with it. deer, got pooped on by a 5. I’m sitting at the bar at Sonka’s, 3rd stool from the left. What’s the bird, and swallowed a fly instead of protect it. Rose-Hulman •Maintain a 3.8, period. name of this hot girl I’m talking to? students appear to be relatively un- •Pick up a double major. on the way to class. affected by these storms because •Get a girlfriend who doesn’t go 4. Anyone wanna watch Pirates with me? (minus the Carribean?) their immune systems are already to Rose and has the free time to “Water, you can take a bath in it, it’s good stuff.” weaker than Purdue’s Engineering talk to you. 3. House Party at 6th&Cherry! Bring the beer! Department. — Dr. Morris, unaware of the dangers of dihydro- “With all the drinking, late night These simple tips should start 2. Does this entry smell like chloroform to you?. studying, drinking, homework all- you on your way to destroying your gen monoxide. nighters, and, of course, drinking immune system and thus surviv- 1. Anyone know the energy of an infinite well at its lowest energy level? “Here is a bad example, it that most Rose-Hulman students ing the swine flu pandemic. Until The Modern Physics test ends in 5 minutes. do,” states the school’s physician, that happens, remember to always needs a time out.” Dr. Bob, “the students simply have wash your hands, play more video — Dr. Holder, who no immune system to turn against games, and of course, bottoms up! adheres to the old them. I’d be more worried about fashioned methods of the normal flu affecting our stu- teaching. dents than this one. That or some- thing like mono. Wait, not mono. “It means something. But There’s no way that could spread in this case it means on our campus.” you’re wrong.” — Dr. As for why other viruses don’t Thomas, teaching the harm the students due to their Methodology of Jerks. weakened immune systems, we return to Dr. Monzekee. “Who’s had economics? “The only theory we have on And passed?” that is once again the alcohol. By — Dr. Hanson, who had constantly maintaining a BAC economics. And failed. above 0.1, the students create an That’s why he thought it environment within their body would be a good idea to that the viruses simply cannot live be a professor. in. Thus, it is now a fact that other colleges’ students drink because “This paper is made from they can, while Rose-Hulman stu- seedling trees --- it’s dents drink to survive.” veal!” — Dr. Clifton, A random student’s response to who likes small radial this surprising piece of informa- differences between their tion: “Sweetz! We’ll drunk to that growth rings. tonite! [sic]” The researchers at the Mayo “True or False: Jack Daniels Clinic have now begun searching relies on Darcy’s Law for ways to apply this research to to develop its smooth those already affected by the Swine taste.” — Dr. Houghtal- Flu, albeit with little success. en. Darcy has refused to divulge her law. Nick Easter - Burnt Out Cartoonist. Overheard at the Office qoutes, go! “It is the way my brain hurts.” “That’s why I don’t like to torture people, because it is not nice to play with your food.” “Faith, the duct tape that holds religions together.” “She is a vaguely Jewish atheist.” “I don’t know, I don’t live on the Young and the Restless.” This week’s overheard at the office is brought to you by the wonderful staff at the Thorn Office, many of whom believe that they are the unwitting participants in a horrible reality show. All unattributed content was written by James Zhou.