The Power of Perspective: PART 3 of a 3-PART SERIES on PERSONAL GROWTH

#LEVELUP The Power of Perspective: PART 3 OF A 3-PART SERIES ON PERSONAL GROWTH

Source Material • Discussion Questions • ? Explanation

Introduction: Welcome to Week 3 - the final week of the #LevelUp program. We hope this has been a meaningful experience and that you used what you've learned as a springboard for your personal growth.

Before we begin, please take 2-3 minutes to touch base with your partner. If you did the commitment challenge last week, discuss how that went. Did you find that visualization and prayer helped you increase your level of commitment? Have you been continuing to develop a small habit that will lead towards your goal? Are you still habit-tracking? (If you haven't been doing any of these things, now is a great time to start!)

Take stock together with your partner, and then let's get ready to move forward boldly into the material for Week 3! Part 1: The Final Piece of the Puzzle We have now learned that so much of who we are and what we do results from tiny habits we accumulated over time. We've grappled with commitment and considered the immense benefit (both spiritually and materially) that can come about when we commit ourselves to something completely. We've understood how our desires can either fuel our growth or derail it. Now there's one piece of the puzzle left; one more thing that can significantly impact whether or not we'll reach our goals. And in good 'ole puzzle fashion, we're going to piece this idea together bit by bit.

COPYRIGHT 2021 © PARTNERS IN TORAH |1 www.partnersintorah.org LEARN ANY JEWISH TOPIC WITH A HAND-PICKED STUDY PARTNER. FIND OUT MORE AT PARTNERSINTORAH.ORG 1 To get started, let’s take a look at the following source:

Source 1: Pirkei d’Rebbe Eliezer, Chapter 1 מַעֲשֶ ׂה בְּרַבִּי אֱלִיעֶזֶר בֶּן הוּרְקָנוּס, שֶׁהָיוּ לְאָבִיו חוֹרְשִׁים. וְהָיוּ חוֹרְשִׁין עַל גַּבֵּי הַמַּ עֲנָה, וְהוּא הָיָה חוֹרֵשׁ בִּטְרָשִׁין. יָשַׁב לוֹ וְהָיָה בוֹכֶה. אָמַר לוֹ אָבִיו: "מִפְּ נֵי מָה אַתָּ ה בוֹכֶה?, שֶׁמָּ א מִצְטַעֵר אַתָּ ה שֶׁאַתָּ ה חוֹרֵשׁ בִּטְרָשִׁין? עַכְשָׁיו אַתָּ ה חוֹרֵשׁ עַל גַּבֵּי הַמַּ עֲנָה.” יָשַׁב לוֹ עַל גַּבֵּי הַמַּ עֲנָה וְהָיָה בוֹכֶה. אָמַר לוֹ: “מִפְּ נֵי מָה אַתָּ ה בוֹכֶה?!... אָמַר לוֹ: "שֶׁאֲנִי מְבַקֵּשׁ לִלְמֹד תּ וֹרָה!" אָמַר לוֹ: "וַהֲלֹא בֶּן עֶשְ ׂרִים וּשְׁמוֹנֶה שָׁנִים אָתָּ ה, וְאַתָּ ה מְבַקֵּשׁ לִלְמֹד תּ וֹרָה?!" … עַד שֶׁנִּגְלָה לוֹ אֵלִיָּהוּ זִכְרוֹנוֹ לִבְרָכָה וְאָמַר לוֹ: “בֶּן הוּרְקָנוּס, לָמָּ ה אַתָּ ה בוֹכֶה?" אָמַר לוֹ: "מִפְּ נֵי שֶׁאֲנִי מְבַקֵּשׁ לִלְמֹד תּ ו ָֹרה." אָמַר לוֹ: "אִם אַתָּ ה מְבַקֵּשׁ לִלְמֹד תּ וֹרָה, עֲלֵה לִירוּשָׁלַיִם אֵצֶל רַבָּן יוֹחָנָן בֶּן זַכַּאי." עָמַד וְהָלַךְ אֵצֶל רַבָּן יוֹחָנָן בֶּן זַכַּאי. יָשַׁב לוֹ וְהָיָה בוֹכֶה. אָמַר לו:ֹ "מִפְּ נֵי מָה אַתָּ ה בוֹכֶה?" אָמַר לוֹ: "מִפְּ נֵי שֶׁאֲנִי מְבַקֵּשׁ לִלְמֹד תּ וֹרָה!" …אָמַר לוֹ :ֹ "מִיָּמֶיךָ לֹא לָמַדְתָּ קְרִיאַת שְׁמַע וְלֹא תְפִלָּה וְלֹא בִּרְכַּת הַמָּ זוֹן?!" אָמַר לוֹ: "לָאו." אָמַר לוֹ: "עֲמֹד וַאֲלַמֶּ דְךָ"... וְהָיָה אוֹמֵר לוֹ שְׁתֵּ י הֲלָכוֹת כָּל יְמֵי הַשָּ ׁבוּעַ וְהָיָה חוֹזֵר לוֹ עֲלֵיהֶן וּמְדַבְּקָן. This is the story of Rabbi Eliezer Ben Hurkanus: Once, he was plowing his father's rocky soil while others were plowing soft land, and [he] cried. " Why are you crying?" asked his father. "Is it because you are plowing on rocky soil? Here — plow on the soft land." Eliezer moved to the soft land but still cried. "Now why are you crying?" asked Hurkanus [his father]. "Because [I don't want to be plowing at all]. I want to study Torah," said Rabbi Eliezer. "You're 28 years old and wish to study Torah? Get married, have children — and give them a Jewish education," said Hurkanus... Elijah the Prophet appeared to him. "Son of Hurkanus, why are you crying?" he asked. "Because I want to study Torah," cried Eliezer. "If you wish to learn Torah, go to Jerusalem — go to Rabbi Yochanan Ben Zakkai," Elijah replied. Eliezer traveled to Rabbi Yochanan Ben Zakkai and cried. "Why are you crying?" asked Rabbi Yochanan. "Because I want to study Torah!" he said. "Could it be that you never learned the words of the Shema, or the prayers, or the Grace After Meals?" asked Rabbi Yochanan. "No," he said, "I never learned those prayers," answered Eliezer. "Come," said Rabbi Yochanan, "let me teach them to you." Rabbi Yochanan Ben Zakkai taught him two laws each day of the week, and Eliezer would review and memorize them.

Before we move on to explain the deeper meaning of this story, let’s ask a question: Why did Eliezer’s father ask him to work land that would unlikely yield anything? ? Explanation: Hurkanus considered his son, Eliezer, so limited that he kept him busy tilling rocky soil — something inherently lacking potential for growth, (and ironically reminiscent of his perception of Eliezer).

When Eliezer began expressing a desire to learn Torah - a discipline that took mental acumen and considerable effort - Hurkanus seemingly didn’t believe his son had what it took. Instead, he suggested that Eliezer first get married, have children, and then hire someone else to teach them Torah.

Let’s take a look at the next source to learn about Eliezer, long after he left his father’s auspices:

Source 2: Pirkei Avot 2:10 and 2:13 חֲמִשָּׁה תַלְמִידִים הָיוּ לוֹ לְרַבָּן יוֹחָנָן בֶּן זַכַּאי, וְאֵלּוּ הֵן, רַבִּי אֱלִיעֶזֶר בֶּן הוֹרְקְנוֹס, וְרַבִּי יְהוֹשֻׁעַ בֶּן חֲנַנְיָה, וְרַבִּי יוֹסֵי הַכֹּהֵן, וְרַבִּי שִׁמְעוֹן בֶּן נְתַנְאֵל, וְרַבִּי אֶלְעָזָר בֶּן עֲרָךְ אָמַר לָהֶם, צְאוּ וּרְאוּ אֵיזוֹהִי דֶרֶךְ יְשָׁרָה שֶׁיִּדְבַּק בָּהּ הָאָדָם. רַבִּי אֱלִיעֶזֶר אוֹמֵר, עַיִן טוֹבָה. רַבִּי יְהוֹשֻׁעַ אוֹמֵר, חָבֵר טוֹב. רַבִּי יוֹסֵי אוֹמֵר, שָׁכֵן טוֹב. רַבִּי שִׁמְעוֹן אוֹמֵר, הָרוֹאֶה אֶת הַנּוֹלָד. רַבִּי אֶלְעָזָר אוֹמֵר, לֵב טוֹב...ב ...Rabbi Yochanan ben Zakkai had five disciples: Rabbi Eliezer ben Hurkanus, Rabbi Joshua ben Hananiah, Rabbi Yose, the priest, Rabbi Shimon ben Nethaneel, and Rabbi Eleazar ben Arach...

He [Rabbi Yochanan] said unto them: Go forth and observe - which is the right way to which a man should cleave? Rabbi Eliezer said, a good eye; Rabbi Joshua said, a good companion; Rabbi Yose said, a good neighbor; Rabbi Shimon said, foresight. Rabbi Elazar said, a good heart... ? Explanation: Rabbi Yochanan ben Zakkai was the leading sage of his generation. He had five primary students. In the quote above, one name on the list of students stands out: Rabbi Eliezer - the same Eliezer whose father thought he couldn't even till soil! In the end, this young man grew to become one of the leading sages of his generation!

What happened to so dramatically change the trajectory of Eliezer's life? The answer may be found in Rabbi Eliezer's understanding of the "proper path":

According to Rabbi Eliezer, the proper path for a person to pursue is one of (ayin tovah), having a good eye.

What do you think it means to have a ‘good eye?’ How does that potentially relate to our topic of growth?

To help us understand what it means to have a good eye, let’s look at another source:

Source 3: Zohar, Nasso 147B

תָּ אנָא… כָל כֹּהֵן דְהוּא לֹא רָחִים לְעַמָא, אוֹ עַמָא לֹא רַחְמִין לֵיה, לֹא יפְרוֹס יְדוֹי לְבָרְכָא לְעַמָא, דִּכְּתִיב: "טוֹב עָיִן הוּא יְבֹרַךְ." אַל תִּ קְרִי יְבֹרַךְ אֶלָּא יְבָרֵך. A Kohen who does not love the people or is not beloved by them may not recite the Priestly Blessing, as the verse (Proverbs 22:9) teaches, the one with a good eye should bless. ? Explanation: Kohanim (members of the Priestly tribe) were given the privilege of offering the following blessing to the Jewish nation (see Numbers 6:23-27): "May G-d bless you and watch over you. May G-d shine His countenance upon you and cause graciousness to you. May G-d show you favor and grant you peace."

Kohanim offer the Priestly Blessing during synagogue services — daily in Israel and on the major holidays outside of Israel. However, according to the Zohar quoted above, the Kohanim may not offer this blessing if they do not love the people upon whom they are bestowing it.

Discussion Question:

The blessing given to the Jewish nation is that G-d (not the Kohen) should watch over us, be gracious to us, grant us peace, etc. If G-d is ultimately the One to fulfill the blessing, what difference does it make whether the Kohen loves us or not?

To help us pull everything together, let’s look at one more source:

Source 4: Pirkei Avot, 5:19

כָּל אַהֲבָה שֶׁהִיא תְלוּיָה בְדָבָר, בָּטֵל דָּבָר, בְּטֵלָה אַהֲבָה. וְשֶׁאֵינָהּ תְּ לוּיָה בְדָבָר, אֵינָהּ בְּטֵלָה לְעוֹלָם. All love that depends on something, [when the] thing ceases, [the] love ceases; and [all love] that does not depend on anything, will never cease.

COPYRIGHT 2021 © PARTNERS IN TORAH |4 www.partnersintorah.org LEARN ANY JEWISH TOPIC WITH A HAND-PICKED STUDY PARTNER. FIND OUT MORE AT PARTNERSINTORAH.ORG 4 ? Explanation: According to Pirkei Avot, true love requires an appreciation of a person's virtues and the vast potential within them 1 — in other words, a good eye. Conversely, love that is based on extrinsic qualities (ex: a person's looks, status, assets, or romantic attraction) erodes as these allurements cease to fascinate or come to an end.

And this idea is the foundation of what a blessing is. As many Kabbalistic texts 2 explain, a blessing is not simply an appeal for another's welfare; it is the act of recognizing potential and praying that it be brought to fruition. Thus, the Priestly Blessing requires love. Only a Kohen who genuinely loves the people, i.e., values their intrinsic goodness, can be the vehicle for actualizing that potential.3

Now we can better understand why Eliezer said that the proper path for a person is one ayin tovah), having a good eye. Eliezer's father did not recognize Eliezer's) ,עַיִן טוֹבָה of innate potential. This limiting belief held Eliezer back from actualizing his greatness - his only recourse was bitter tears.

However, under the "good eye" of Rabbi Yochanan, Eliezer blossomed. When Eliezer saw how highly esteemed he was by the leading sage of his generation, it shifted his entire perspective. He began seeing himself as Rabbi Yochanan perceived him - as someone who could grow, learn, and ultimately become great. It was likely his rabbi's recognition of his innate potential that inspired him to put in the effort and become the person his rabbi knew he could be. It's no wonder, therefore, that Eliezer believed having a good eye was the proper path for someone to pursue!

Part 2: Shifting Our Perspective Like Eliezer, we have many limiting beliefs about ourselves. Sometimes these are crafted based on well-documented evidence: I haven't succeeded at something in the past, therefore why should I believe that I can accomplish it now? Other times, our negative beliefs result from how others may treat us - perhaps a parent, spouse, or teacher. We internalize others' negative perspectives about us and learn to operate within those limits.

Interestingly, our negative perspective can often take root just when we've tried our hardest. Let's take a look back at Robert Wubbolding's 5 Levels of Commitment from last week's lesson to understand this concept better:

1 See Markeves HaMishnah and Rambam on Avos 5:16. See also Malbim to Samuel 1 Chapter 18.

2 See Nefesh HaChaim Gate 2, Chapter 2. See also Rashbah Responsa 5:51.

that G-d cause graciousness to you; i.e., that G-d cause others to— וחניך— It is noteworthy that the Priestly Blessing includes the word 3 see you with a good eye!

COPYRIGHT 2021 © PARTNERS IN TORAH |5 www.partnersintorah.org LEARN ANY JEWISH TOPIC WITH A HAND-PICKED STUDY PARTNER. FIND OUT MORE AT PARTNERSINTORAH.ORG 5 LEVEL CHARACTERIZED BY EXAMPLE Lack of "I don't need to change" 1Commitment Strong Resistance "I would love to start a morning ritual; I Outcome Lack of action along with just have a lot going on right now." 2without Effort considerable excuse-making Weak desire to change, "I'll try to be a more consistent parent" 3Trying doing the bare minimum necessary Consistent action. There may be progress "I'm going to do my best!" turns into "What can I do? I did my best." Doing for weeks or even months, but when things 4My Best stop working as desired, you give up. Complete commitment to making it hap- "Impossible" is just a word. I need to figure out how to do this." "Failure is Whatever pen - no matter what. This is the level of not an option." 5It Takes commitment where we see results!

At a Level-4 commitment, you try real hard to make progress towards your goal. You do your best - you apply yourself, make concerted efforts, and sometimes even see progress. So failure at this stage can be brutal. "I tried!" you think. "I did my best, and it still didn't work! Maybe I'm just not able to do it."

This thinking can be one of the most limiting because it is the result of a learned experience. When you try your best and fail, it can become your excuse not to pick yourself back up and try again. It's as if you throw your hands in the air and say, "What can I do? I did my best!" You give up.

But to grow, we need to push past our limitations and old habits — we need to reframe these situations and see ourselves differently. We need to realize that who we were yes- terday does not need to define who we are today. We can always learn and grow. Even if we didn't succeed in the past, the only thing that will define our success in the future is whether or not we'll get back up and try again.

This perspective can be summed up in the following source:

Source 5: Mishlei (Proverbs) 24:15 כִּי שֶׁבַע יִפּ וֹל צַדִּיק וָקָם Though the righteous one may fall seven times, he will rise. ? Explanation: According to King Solomon, the author of Proverbs and the wisest man ever to have lived, the defining characteristic of a righteous person is that he doesn't give up after encountering a setback. He doesn't view himself as sinful, a loser, or someone who isn't capable of something — even if he repeatedly fails (seven times!) or misses the mark. A

COPYRIGHT 2021 © PARTNERS IN TORAH |6 www.partnersintorah.org LEARN ANY JEWISH TOPIC WITH A HAND-PICKED STUDY PARTNER. FIND OUT MORE AT PARTNERSINTORAH.ORG 6 righteous man is one who concentrates on his innate goodness — on the potential that G-d invested in him when he was created, and on the opportunity that he has right now to get back up and try again. He turns his ayin tovah inward, and that motivates him to continue applying himself toward his goal.

Source 6: Carol Dweck, Mindset

In her New York Times best-selling book, Mindset, Carol Dweck explains this concept in depth. For a brief overview, check out the chart below:

FIXED GROWTH MINDSET MINDSET “Feedback and criticism “My effort and attitude determine my abilities” “I’m either are personal” good at it “When I’m frustrated, “Feedback is constructive” or I’m not” I give up” “My potential is "Challenges help predetermined” me to grow" “My abilities are unchanging” “I can learn to do anything I want” “I don’t like to be challenged” " I am inspired by the Failure is “I can either do it, success of others" Failure is an the limit of or I can’t” opportunity my abilities “I stick to "I like to try to grow what I know” new things"

According to Dweck, people have one of two mindsets: a fixed mindset or a growth mindset. Individuals with a fixed mindset believe that people are born with a certain set of skills: areas in which they're particularly gifted (or not). If they fail at something, they see it as a disaster. They believe that failure points they can't do something - that they aren't gifted enough. Pain-averse, they give up when confronted with challenges and only tackle problems they believe they can surmount.

While there are some things that we physically cannot do (like take flight after jumping off a cliff), there are many more things that we simply don't attempt because of past learned 'failures.' We form limiting beliefs that control and diminish us. If we instead tried things outside our reach and saw failure as an opportunity to learn, we could accomplish more than we'd ever dreamed. This is the foundation of the growth mindset. Like an ayin tovah, it is the ability to recognize that you have the potential for more simply because you are alive. Get back up again, learn, try, and commit more than you ever have before, and you will certainly rise to your expectations.

COPYRIGHT 2021 © PARTNERS IN TORAH |7 www.partnersintorah.org LEARN ANY JEWISH TOPIC WITH A HAND-PICKED STUDY PARTNER. FIND OUT MORE AT PARTNERSINTORAH.ORG 7 Part 3: The Puzzle Is Complete We have now learned three components necessary for growth from a Jewish perspective:

1. Small Habits

2. Commitment

3. Ayin Tovah (viewing yourself positively)

As we said when we first started this program, we are simply covering material that you probably already know (or could intuit.) The most important thing now is to take what you've learned and take action; do something about it. Take your knowledge and apply it, and see how it can transform you. As our sages teach:4

...One whose wisdom exceeds his deeds, to what may he be compared? To a tree whose branches are numerous but whose roots are few, so that when the wind comes, it uproots it and overturns it… But one whose deeds exceed his wisdom, to what may he be compared? To a tree whose branches are few but roots are many so that even if all the winds in the world come and blow upon it, they cannot move it out of its place.

We are honored that you have gone on this journey of growth and self-discovery with us. But please - don't let it end here. Act on what you've learned, and reap the benefits of living to your fullest potential. It's all up to you.

Part 4: This Week's Challenge (pick 1) 1. Together with your partner, come up with a way to build your internal ayin tovah. Implement it this week.

2. We're about to begin the Hebrew month of Elul, the month preceding Rosh Hashana. During this time, it is customary to take on something small — something very small and manageable — to level up our spiritual connection with G-d. This week, choose one small habit you think would deepen your spiritual connection and aim to do it every day.

4 Pirkei Avot, 3:18