Prostitutes Are Cheaper Than Gold Diggers by Doug Raynor Illustrated by Jason Seiler Contents

celebritycelebrity divorcesdivorces prostitutes are cheaper than Gold diGGers by Doug RaynoR illustrated by Jason seiler contents

KICKSTARTER PROJECT

PURPOSE OF THE BOOK

QUOTATIONS

CHARLIE SHEEN IS AHEAD OF HIS TIME!

CHAPTER 1: WHAT IS A GOLD DIGGER?

CHAPTER 2: PROSTITUTES ARE AN ALTERNATIVE!

CHAPTER 3: CELEBRITY DIVORCES

CHAPTER 4: FAMOUS CLIENTS OF PROSTITUTES

CHAPTER 5: FAMOUS COURTESANS, PROSTITUTES, MADAMS, BROTHEL OPERATORS AND ESCORT AGENCY OPERATORS

CHAPTER 6: POLITICIANS AND BUREAUCRATS WHO COULD HAVE AVOIDED SEX SCANDALS BY USING PROSTITUTES

CHAPTER 7: GOLD DIGGERS IN MAY-DECEMBER COUPLES

SOURCES

INDEX

on tHe coVeR: Arnold Schwarzenegger with his maid and mistress celebrity Mildred Patricia “Patty” Baena. Arnold and the maid had an affair together celebrity which contributed to his marriage with the gold digger Maria Shriver, a divorces Kennedy heiress, ending in an expensive divorce with Arnold having to pay Maria an outrageously high divorce settlement of an estimated $250 to $375 prostitutes are cheaper than Gold diGGers million as if the Kennedys do not have enough money.

CELEBRITY DIVORCES: PROSTITUTES ARE CHEAPER THAN GOLD DIGGERS contents charlie sheen

KICKSTARTER PROJECT

PURPOSE OF THE BOOK

QUOTATIONS

CHARLIE SHEEN IS AHEAD OF HIS TIME!

CHAPTER 1: WHAT IS A GOLD DIGGER?

CHAPTER 2: PROSTITUTES ARE AN ALTERNATIVE!

CHAPTER 3: CELEBRITY DIVORCES

“I’m tired of pretending I’m CHAPTER 4: not special. I’m tired of FAMOUS CLIENTS OF PROSTITUTES pretending I’m not a total bitchin’ rock star from Mars. CHAPTER 5: People can’t figure me out. FAMOUS COURTESANS, PROSTITUTES, MADAMS, They can’t process me. I BROTHEL OPERATORS AND ESCORT AGENCY OPERATORS don’t expect them to. You can’t process me with a normal brain. I will not believe CHAPTER 6: that if I do something then I POLITICIANS AND BUREAUCRATS WHO COULD HAVE AVOIDED have to follow a certain path SEX SCANDALS BY USING PROSTITUTES because it was written for normal people. People who CHAPTER 7: aren’t special. People who GOLD DIGGERS IN MAY-DECEMBER COUPLES don’t have tiger blood and Adonis DNA.” SOURCES Charlie Sheen INDEX

CELEBRITY DIVORCES: PROSTITUTES ARE CHEAPER THAN GOLD DIGGERS charlie sheen

Mike Tyson (left) and Charlie Sheen (right) at the ArcLight Charlie Sheen (left) and his first wife the gold digger Donna Cinemas Cinerama Dome in Hollywood, California for the Peele (right) after their wedding on September 3, 1995 at the movie premiere of their movie Scary Movie 5 on April 11, 2013. Saddle Rock Ranch in Malibu, California.

CHARLIE SHEEN IS AHEAD OF HIS TIME!

Charlie’s real name is Carlos irwin estevez and he’s the son of distinguished actor mar- tin sheen and brother of actor emilio estevez. Born on september 3, 1965, Charlie sheen, like many great people, was destined to become a man ahead of his time. in fact, Charlie could well be the poster boy for the fact that prostitutes are cheaper than gold diggers. if nothing else, his failed (and expensive) marriages taught him that. so, as time marches on, Charlie increasingly marches away from matrimony and its gold diggers and toward the live-for-today, far less costly fun of prostitutes, porn stars and live-in “goddesses.” Charlie has truly become a role model for budget conscious, sexually promiscuous, fun loving men everywhere. long live King of Pussy Charlie sheen!

his amazing talents as a player no doubt contributed both to Charlie sheen’s success on Two and a Half Men and his success with a multitude of women, particularly prostitutes and porn stars. he has all the perfect attributes for this success, including: • Hollywood celebrity status. • Non-judgmental attitude about porn stars, drug dealers and prostitutes. • Mastery of the art of seduction. • Knowledge of how to perform comedy, to entertain his fans and introduce pop cultural phrases. • Believing in and practicing sexual promiscuity and open sexual relationships. • Only pursues and seduces beautiful women. • Possess a net worth of millions which is always useful in convincing women to have sex especially

CELEBRITY DIVORCES: PROSTITUTES ARE CHEAPER THAN GOLD DIGGERS charlie sheen

Charlie Sheen (left) and his second wife the gold dig- Charlie Sheen’s third wife the gold digger Brooke ger Denise Richards (right) at the Undercover Brother Mueller (left) and him (right) at the Planet Hollywood movie premiere in Los Angeles on May 30, 2002. Resort & Casino Grand Opening Celebration in Las Vegas, Nevada on November 17, 2007.

if some of the money is shared with them. One would expect nothing less from a “rock star from Mars with tiger blood and Adonis DNA.” If nothing else, Charlie Sheen has proven himself to be an expert multi-tasker. While he was establish- ing his reputation as the world’s greatest pussy hound and drug dealers’ favorite customer, Charlie was accumulating impressive credits as an actor. In the movie world, Charlie has starred in several movies including Ferris Bueller’s Day Off (1986), Platoon (1986), Wall Street (1987), Major League (1989), Hot Shots! (1991), Scary Movie 3 (2003), Scary Movie 4 (2006), Machette Kills (2013), and Scary Movie 5 (2013). Charlie is most famous on television for his performances in Spin City, Two and a Half Men, and Anger Management. Charlie was making $1.8 million per episode of Two and a Half Men in 2010 making him the highest paid actor on television. That kind of cash can buy a lot of women and drugs, and Charlie was determined not to waste those opportunities. Charlie was awarded a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame for his acting achievements in 1994. Now if there were only an award for Charlie’s sexual conquests as a player. After a very public and extensive, drug-fueled meltdown, Charlie was dismissed from Two and a Half Men on March 7, 2011. He was replaced by Ashton Kutcher. Charlie went on to star in his next series Anger Management for FX. Charlie’s larger than life lifestyle and legendary sexual adventures has spawned a plethora of Charlie Sheen themed porn movies starring one or more of his porn star girlfriends to the point where they have become their own porn movie genre. Over the years Charlie has participated in three marriages and divorces, produce five children not all in marriage, and had sex with seemingly dozens of former and present girlfriends both porn stars and Hollywood actresses. No one has ever called him Mr. Commitment. September 3, 1995 marked Charlie’s first marriage, to model Donna Peele, which lasted barely a

CELEBRITY DIVORCES: PROSTITUTES ARE CHEAPER THAN GOLD DIGGERS charlie sheen

Porn star Ginger Lynn (left) and her boyfriend Charlie Hollywood Madam Heidi Fleiss at Sony Studios in Culver Sheen (right) at the Saugus Speedway on October 6, City, California attending the Comedy Central’s Annual 1990 attending the Second Annual Reid Rondell Stunt Commie Awards on November 22, 2003. Charlie Sheen Foundation Enduro 150 in Saugus, California. was one of the clients of Heidi’s prostitution ring. year ending in divorce on November 19, 1996 after an escort agency operated by notorious Hollywood Madam Heidi Fleiss got in trouble with the law and Charlie was outed as one of the agency’s clients to the tune of $50,000 he had spent on prostitutes. That is, as Led Zeppelin put it, a whole lotta love. At the time of their marriage Charlie described Peele by saying, “She’s an angel sent from Heaven to take me through the rest of my journey.” However, at the time of their divorce Charlie compared Peele to a vehicle, “You buy a bad car, it breaks down.” Actress, model, and former Bond girl Denise Richards (born February 17, 1971) became wife #2 on June 15, 2002. Let us get right to the dirt. Richards filed for divorce while she was pregnant with their second daughter. And just to make her feelings for Charlie crystal clear, she filed a restraining order against Charlie, accusing him of making death threats to her. Clearly, Charlie was accumulating experience for his future Anger Management show. The divorce was finalized on November 30, 2006 and Rich- ards’ payoff for having dealt with Charlie was reportedly: $52,000 per month tax-free in child support, $60,000 per month tax-free in alimony for two years, in addition to a percentage of Charlie’s sit-com, Two and a Half Man, which comes out to $25 million. Talk about hitting the jackpot without even set- ting foot in Las Vegas! For his third marriage, on May 30, 2008, Charlie took a break from celebrities and porn stars to marry socialite Brooke Mueller (born August 19, 1977). They produced two sons. In 2009, Sheen received a restraining order from Mueller. She accused him of assault and of being insane. But keep in mind that Mueller herself has been in rehab for alcohol and drug issues. Their divorce was finalized on May 2, 2011. Mueller reportedly received a lump sum of $757,698.70 plus $1 million for her share of their mari-

CELEBRITY DIVORCES: PROSTITUTES ARE CHEAPER THAN GOLD DIGGERS charlie sheen

Charlie Sheen’s sex partners and porn stars Melanie Charlie Sheen’s sex partner and porn star Heather Rios (left) and Capri Anderson (right) appearing on Hunter at the FYE Music Store promoting her new CD the web-based TV show Steppin’ Out of the Tabloids The Unexpected on July 22, 2005. In an interview on March 3, 2011 in New York City. Porn stars Bree Hunter described Charlie, “He was a gentleman. I Olson, Kacey Jordan, Ginger Lynn, Rios and Ander- think with life, people see the good side and the bad son starred in the Charlie Sheen themed porn movie side of certain people. I never saw the bad side of Charlie’s Porn Family (2011). him. I guess it was a fortunate thing.” tal home, and $55,000 per month in child support. ‘Til death, alimony or child support do us part. Will Charlie marry again? Not if his own words are to be believed: “I tried marriage. I’m 0 for 3 with the marriage thing. So, being a ballplayer I believe in numbers. I’m not going 0 for 4. I’m not wearing a golden sombrero.” Of the more than 40 women whom Charlie Sheen has been publicly linked (and there are probably hundreds of other women who remain anonymous) many have been porn stars. Why porn stars? As Charlie has stated, “It’s exciting, it’s fun, because you already know what you’re getting before you meet them. They’re the best at what they do, I’m the best at what I do. It’s on.” As to a judge’s question about why a man like Charlie would need to pay for sex with prostitutes, Charlie responded, “I don’t pay them for sex. I pay them to leave.” Charlie also said, “It eliminates a lot of hassle. There’s no emotional attach- ment.” As you might have guessed, no one has ever accused Charlie of being overly romantic.

Here is a representative sampling of some of Charlie Sheen’s porn star girlfriends:

GINGER LYNN. Meeting him on the set of Young Guns II, porn model and hardcore actress Gin- ger Lynn was Charlie Sheen’s girlfriend from 1990-1992, including providing assistance to him in drug rehabilitation. And can there be any closer bond between a man and a woman than that? But Charlie

CELEBRITY DIVORCES: PROSTITUTES ARE CHEAPER THAN GOLD DIGGERS charlie sheen

Charlie Sheen’s sex partner and porn star Kacey Porn star Bree Olson, one of Charlie Sheen’s Jordan in 2011. Jordan and Kevin Federline dated for goddesses, at the Headquarters Gentleman’s Club a short period of time after he broke up with the in New York City on February 21, 2013 for Big singer Britney Spears. John’s Birthday. supported her, too, writing letters to the court on her behalf during her federal tax evasion trial and subsequent 4 ½ month prison sentence. What did he see in her? In AVN’s list of the greatest porn stars of all time, Lynn was ranked as #7. Despite their breakup, Lynn kept a place for Charlie in her heart. “It wasn’t that Charlie wasn’t a good lover, he just needed to learn to pay attention to someone other than himself ... I was a fabulous teacher and Charlie was a wonderful pupil,” as Lynn later explained to E! True Hol- lywood Story. School would no doubt have been more interesting if we had teachers like Ginger Lynn.

HEIDI FLEISS. An infamous prostitution scandal brought the Hollywood Madam Heidi Fleiss to America’s attention, but Charlie Sheen and Fleiss were known to be dating before that. At 22, while apprenticing with the famed Madam Alex, Fleiss worked as a prostitute as part of her goal to learn all aspects of the business. Now that’s commitment. She opened her own prostitution ring in 1990, earning her first million dollars in just four months and earned $10,000 on her slowest night. It’s too bad that Fleiss’ achieving the American Dream was also a felony. She ended up serving 20 months in prison after her 1995 trial for tax evasion, money laundering, and conspiracy. During her trial, Charlie was her only famous client who did not desert her. He verified 7 checks he gave to her prostitutes and twenty other instances he hired them directly, for a grand total of $53,500 in just over a year. That’s enough sex for at least two and a half men! Charlie was truly a patron of the arts, if by “arts” you mean prostitutes.

KACEY JORDAN. Early in 2011, Charlie Sheen embarked upon his notorious 36 hour sex and drugs bender. During this time, 22 year old Kacey Jordan, whose real name is Courtney Roskop, was one of

CELEBRITY DIVORCES: PROSTITUTES ARE CHEAPER THAN GOLD DIGGERS charlie sheen

Natalie Kenly, one of Charlie Sheen’s goddesses, at Charlie Sheen’s sex partner and porn star Georgia The Beverly Hilton Hotel in Beverly Hills, California Jones at a photo shoot in 2013. Georgia was a Pent- attending the Juvenile Diabetes Research Foundation’s house Pet of the Month (August, 2011) who appeared 8th annual gala Finding A Cure: A Love Story on with Capri Anderson in the Charlie Sheen themed porn May 5, 2011. flick Charlie’s Girl: Georgia Jones (2013). the numerous porn stars with whom he partied. She said she was stunned by Charlie’s behavior during this period. And if a porn star is stunned by your behavior, you know it must be pretty outrageous. At a party at Charlie’s Los Angeles Mansion, for which she was paid $5,000 to attend, Jordan stated she observed Charlie smoking from a tennis ball size pile of cocaine every two to five minutes. Jordan said, “I’ve never seen someone so self-destructive. I thought maybe it was almost like a suicide binge.” Yet apparently his wallet was working fine. So, Jordan had sex with him and when she left the mansion, Charlie gave her a $30,000 check. She more than doubled that money by simply talking about her experience with Charlie. Jordan revealed all on TMZ, Good Morning America, Inside Edition, The Howard Stern Show and E! Online among other media outlets. Her take for the gab-fest: $70,000. Didn’t Charlie ever hear of a non-disclosure agreement?

BREE OLSON. If nothing else, Charlie Sheen is consistent in his choice of women. Bree Olson, whose real name is Rachel Marie Oberlin, was a porn actress and Penthouse Pet of the Month (March, 2008) who also appeared on the covers of Playboy and Hustler, made over 250 adult films and was listed as one of the 12 top female stars in porn by Maxim magazine. In 2011 Olson lived with Charlie at his Los Angeles mansion, also known as the Sober Valley Lodge, for six months during his spiraling down period after having been fired fromTwo and a Half Men. Former nanny and model Natalie “Nat- ty” Kenly formed the third part of the live-in trio. Trained as a kindergarten teacher, Kenly ended up working at a marijuana dispensary and as the head model for the marijuana magazine Cali Chronic X.

CELEBRITY DIVORCES: PROSTITUTES ARE CHEAPER THAN GOLD DIGGERS charlie sheen

Charlie referred to both Kenly and Olson, as he does with all his live-in girlfriends, as his “goddesses.” Might that just be Charlie’s way of proclaiming them to be divine? Au contraire; it’s far more than that, as Charlie himself elaborates: “Let me say this about the goddesses, I don’t think the term is good enough, but when you’re bound by these terrestrial descriptions, you must use the best term available. So what we all have is a marriage of the hearts. And to sully, contaminate, or radically disrespect this unit with a shameful contract is something I’ll leave to the amateurs and bible grippers.” Or perhaps “goddesses” has something to do with all the exclamations of “Oh, God! Oh, God!” when they are together. Apparently, that was one of Charlie’s strengths, according to Olson: “He’s just a rock star. He’s a powerhouse. He’s a very sensual and sexual per- son, and when I was with him I felt as if we became one together, because he’s just so enticing sexually.” But not enticing enough, apparently, to stay with him. Olson is now single, living on her own in L.A., and pursuing a career as a mainstream actress, no doubt finding that casting direc- tors will most likely not be treating her as a goddess.

CAPRI ANDERSON. Ah, what’s life without a porn actress giving interviews to ABC News, Nightline and Good Morning America that you were drunk, trashed a hotel Charlie Sheen arrives at the Sony Pictures Studios room, called her a whore, and in a coke-fueled rampage, in Culver City, California on September 10, 2011 for threatened to kill her? That’s the situation Charlie Sheen the taping of the Comedy Central Roast of Charlie found himself in during November of 2010. It started on Sheen which aired on September 19, 2011 and was October 26, 2010, though, when police were called to New viewed by 6.4 million people making it the highest York City’s Plaza Hotel to find porn actress Capri Ander- rated roast in Comedy Central’s history. At the son, whose real name is Christina Walsh, locked in the roast Mike Tyson reminded Charlie, “Once the bathroom of Charlie’s hotel room in an attempt to escape money goes so does the hoes.” Charlie. Charlie had caused $7,000 worth of damage to their room and ended up suing Anderson for extortion, saying she requested $1 million to keep her name out of the media. The police gave Charlie the option of going to jail or to a hospital for a psychi- atric evaluation. He chose the hospital. Fast forward to August of 2013 when, unbelievably, Charlie was living with both Anderson and another porn star, Georgia Jones, at his Los Angeles mansion. Hey, if you can not forgive a porn star and pay for her to live with you, what’s life about, anyway?

the hOWARD SteRN Sh OW’S ChARLIe SheeN PORN StAR GIRLFRIeND BeAUtY PAG- eANt. If you tuned in to Sirius XM Radio on March 3, 2011, you could have heard The Howard Stern Show’s Charlie Sheen Porn Star Girlfriend Pageant. Apparently, PBS’s Masterpiece Theater must have said “no thank you” to the entertainment extravaganza, which featured three of Charlie’s former girlfriends, porn stars Capri Anderson, Melanie Rios and Kacey Jordan. Stern informed his audience that Charlie’s former porn star girlfriends were competing for a $10,000 prize put up by Beezid.com and that the judging would be based on personality and beauty which is probably a good choice for these women, as opposed to knowledge of literature, science and current events. Stern then proceeded to interview each one with “hard-hitting” questions such as asking Jordan if she’d ever been arrested for being a prostitute. Jordan’s responded that she hadn’t; they get paid to “party,” so it’s not really prostitution. Well, that explains that! She went on to explain that she’d fanta- sized about having sex with her dentist, finally made it a reality, and as a result, would be receiving free

CELEBRITY DIVORCES: PROSTITUTES ARE CHEAPER THAN GOLD DIGGERS charlie sheen

veneers worth $40,000. Oh, okay, Jordan, as long as it’s not prostitution! Howard next interviewed Capri Anderson, who informed him that she prefers being called a porn star rather than an escort. Finally, a contestant with standards! And when Howard asked what she would be doing next, she said even though she had not done it in the past she would be having sex with strangers. Well, it’s good to have new goals. Howard asked if she ever imagine Charlie falling in love and sweeping her off her feet, but Anderson said she considers it all just business. And speaking of business, Anderson revealed she had just signed a contract with Vivid Pictures to make porn movies. Good to know that Char- lie Sheen was just a stepping stone to greater achievements. Melanie Rios, up next, was asked by Howard about the size of Charlie’s penis. She stated she never saw an 8 ½ inch penis that Charlie boasted. She revealed it to be 7 or 7 ½ inches. Charlie must have been gratified to have had at least one of his goddesses keeping him honest. Yet being the mas- ter interviewer he is, Howard Stern decided to dig deeper. He asked the girls if they “need cock.” All three affirmed that they need it daily. At last, one of history’s greatest questions solved. Stern asked Charlie Sheen (left) kisses Lindsay Lohan (right) at the if she came from a strict family. Rios said yes and movie premiere of their movie Scary Movie 5 (2013) held at that they were upset when they found out she was ArcLight Cinemas Cinerama Dome in Hollywood, California working in porn especially since she had an office on April 11, 2013. Lohan guest starred on Charlie’s television job before. But she wanted to try something new. show Anger Management in 2013. So, apparently she went from trying to raise prof- its to trying to raise penises. It was finally time to vote for the winner of theCharlie Sheen Porn Star Girlfriend Pageant. Stern asked Rios first if she was interested in showing off more of her body. Surprisingly, she did! As did the other two. All three women showed their natural breasts, which Howard proclaimed “perfect.” Kacey Jordan is declared the winner. A representative from Beezid.com presents her with a check for $10,000. As the old saying goes sex sells. Howard declared Charlie Sheen the real winner for getting to have sex with these women.

CHARLIE SHEEN’S MY VIOLENT TORPEDO OF TRUTH/DEFEAT IS NOT AN OPTION TOUR. What do you do if you’ve been fired from your job, are over-indulging in drugs and sex, and appear to be on a psychological, emotional and physical downward spiral? Obviously, you announce a month long, nationwide, 20 city, variety show tour! Which is exactly what Charlie Sheen did on March 10, 2011. The tour’s name: My Violent Torpedo of Truth/Defeat is Not an Option. And the interest in watching this man unravel? The tour sold out in 18 minutes. As H.L. Mencken once said, “Nobody ever went broke underestimating the taste of the American public.” The show featured the self-absorbed Charlie and his goddesses Bree Olson and Natalie Kenly. As the women made out with each other, Charlie rambled on incoherently about his favorite topics sex, money, cars and drugs. Result? Bad reviews, bombing on stage, walkouts, exclamations of “You suck!” Absolutely not “winning!” Had to have been humbling for any “rock star from Mars with tiger blood and Adonis DNA.”

CELEBRITY DIVORCES: PROSTITUTES ARE CHEAPER THAN GOLD DIGGERS tiger woods

Tiger Woods’ ex-wife the gold digger Elin Nordegren (left) and Tiger Woods (left) and his girlfriend the gold digger him (right) at the Tiger Woods Learning Center Dedication Lindsey Vonn (right) at the Metropolitan Museum of Ceremony on February 10, 2006. Art attending the Costume Institute Gala for the PUNK: Chaos to Couture exhibition on May 6, 2013.

TIGER WOODS AND ELIN NORDEGREN

DIVORCE SETTLEMENT: ESTIMATED $100 MILLION

Tiger Woods (born december 30, 1975) is considered one of the most successful golfers ever, as well as one of the highest paid athletes in the world. According to his parents, Tiger was playing with his putter even before he could walk. now that he can walk, he enjoys having his girlfriends play with his putter. in 2000 he became the fifth player ever, as well as the youngest in golf history to win a grand slam of the four major golf championships the masters, U.s. open, british open, and PgA championship. He quickly found, also, that women flock to attractive men who are super athletes and very wealthy. go figure. Tiger has used this appeal to his advantage, to say the least. during the 2001 open championship in england swedish golfer Jesper Parnevik introduced Tiger to the stunning swedish model elin nordegren (born January 1, 1980). elin was Parnevik’s nanny. Tiger proposed to nordegren in november, 2003 during the Presidents cup tournament in south Africa at the shamwari game reserve and they became officially engaged. The zebras and lions were all misty eyed. it must be difficult for certain women to turn down an offer that might be perceived as, “Would you become a life partner with one of the wealthiest and most famous athletes in history, knowing that even if things do not work out, you will no doubt get a breathtaking cash settlement?” i do! (Please, nordegren, wait for the actual ceremony!) Tiger and nordegren

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CELEBRITY DIVORCES: PROSTITUTES ARE CHEAPER THAN GOLD DIGGERS Tiger woods

Tiger Woods’ Cadillac Escalade damaged in his single car accident on November 27, 2009 in Orlando, Florida. were married on October 5, 2004 in Barbados at the Sandy Lane Resort. You would not exactly refer to Tiger and Nordegren as humble people of simple tastes. This they demonstrated in 2006 by buying a $39 million estate on Jupiter Island, Florida and building their own 10,000 square foot home there. One might think that shelling out that kind of cash for a home that size might be indicative of a committed relationship. One might be wrong, as time would soon tell. No doubt Tiger Woods wishes he could erase the entire week of November 23, 2009. That’s when the world found out through The National Enquirer about Tiger’s affair with New York night club hostess Rachel Uchitel. The racy text messages quoted by The National Enquirer included, from Uchitel: “We’re in love . . . I don’t care about his wife!” For some reason, Nordegren took offense to all this. Sensing some sort of apology/gift might be in order, Tiger confided to a friend that he needed to “run to Zales to get a ‘Kobe Special’,” a huge diamond ring to try to make things right with Nordegren. It did not. On November 27, 2009, the morning after Thanksgiving, a neighbor called 911 and informed them that Tiger had crashed into a tree in front of his house and was on the ground alongside his Cadillac Escalade. Paramedics found him in serious condition with facial lacerations. According to differing reports, Nordegren had either used a golf club to break out the car’s rear windows and rescue him or used the club to destroy the windows as Tiger was driving away trying to escape her. In any case, Tiger was transported to the hospital, where he was released later that day. Not your traditional Thanksgiving celebration. Later, the truth began to emerge that Tiger and Nordegren were having an argument just before the crash most likely either about his affair with Rachel Uchitel or about which varieties of avocados are tastiest. Nordegren had scratched up his face and he tried escaping in his car. Nordegren ran after him and most likely whacked out his car windows as he drove off. Perhaps Tiger took this as a sign that mistresses might be more sympathetic to him in the future.

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nike slogan: just do it.

tiger woods

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CELEBRITY DIVORCES: PROSTITUTES ARE CHEAPER THAN GOLD DIGGERS tiger woods

Alleged Tiger Woods’ mistress Rachel Uchitel at Alleged Tiger Woods’ mistress Jaimee Grubbs at a the Perez Hilton’s Carn-Evil 32nd birthday party on July, 2007 beach photo shoot in San Diego, California. March 27, 2010 held at Paramount Studios in Los Angeles, California.

The following are some examples of alleged Tiger Woods’ mistresses:

RACHEL UCHITEL. Former New York City night club hostess Rachel Uchitel distinguishes herself from all the rest of the alleged Tiger Woods’ mistresses as being the one who led to Tiger’s fight with his wife Nordegren, which in turn led to his car crash. No doubt Tiger told Nordegren, “It’s all Rachel’s fault!” When the story broke that Uchitel had secret trysts with Tiger in New York, Las Vegas and Australia, she hired celebrity lawyer Gloria Allred, the bane of men who mistreat women, to rep- resent her. The resulting publicity caused numerous women to surface, like ants emerging from an anthill, claiming that they had also slept with Tiger. It is alleged that Tiger bought Uchitel’s silence, paying her $10 million, but she had to return the money after discussing her affair on the TV show, Celebrity Rehab with Dr. Drew. Ouch! It was a costly television appearance.

JAIMEE GRUBBS. She has been a cocktail waitress and a contestant on the reality television show Tool Academy, but Jaimee Grubbs’ biggest claim to fame remains being one of the first of Tiger Woods’ mistresses to be outed publicly. How’s that for a significant resume credit! She backed up claims of her 31 month long affair with Tiger by handing over incriminating, raunchy voicemail between the two of them. Sample, from Tiger’s end: "I will wear you out...when was the last time you got fucked?" … "Send me something very naughty. Go to the bathroom and take (a picture)." And she proved she is no rocket scientist by claiming she had no idea Tiger was married while they carried on. Though she now claims Tiger wanted to meet her for a hot date during the very week his wife was giving birth to their son.

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On February 12, 2010 alleged Tiger Woods’ mis- Cori Rist discusses her alleged affair with Tiger tress Jamie Jungers serves as host at the Pure Woods on the television show Chiambretti Night night club in Las Vegas, Nevada. in Milan, Italy on January 19, 2010.

Confused? Join the club!

JAMIE JUNGERS. The fourth of Tiger’s alleged mistresses to be named was blonde Jamie Jungers, a former Las Vegas blackjack dealer and aspiring model, who boasted about their “wild and crazy” sex during their 18 month affair. Perhaps she cleaned his club in a very special way. Tiger and Jungers met at the Bellagio Hotel in Vegas in 2005. Later, he invited her back to his $5,000 a night suite at the MGM Grand Mansion hotel. Apparently, they decided not to play chess and instead had passionate sex. Natu- rally, this was done behind the backs of both Tiger’s wife and Jamie’s fiancé, Derek Schmidt. How did it all end? Jungers needed money; Tiger refused to give it to her. She told him, “That shows me how much I mean to you,” and broke things off. Women can’t live with them; can’t have sex with them without them wanting money at least, so it turned out, if your name is Tiger Woods.

JOSLYN JAMES. Joslyn James is a porn star who has appeared in porn films such asBig Breast- ed Nurses (2007), Porn Star Brides (2008), M.I.A. (MILFs in Action) (2008) and My First Sex Teacher #12 (2007). It is totally understandable why Tiger Woods would have James as a mistress since she has proven her high level of sexual performance in her porn movies she would have no problem satisfying his voracious sexual appetite. Tiger dated Joslyn James, whose real name is Veronica Siwik-Daniels, from 2006 to 2009. James was among the first of Tiger’s mistresses to apologize for hurting Tiger’s wife, Nordegren. And, you know, when a porn star apologizes for having sex with your husband for three years, that’s very meaningful. But the pain was not all on Nordegren’s side. James now regrets ever meeting Tiger. She became pregnant twice during their affair. The first baby

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CELEBRITY DIVORCES: PROSTITUTES ARE CHEAPER THAN GOLD DIGGERS tiger woods

Alleged Tiger Woods’ mistress and porn star Alleged Tiger Woods’ mistress and Playboy model Joslyn James on the beach in Miami Beach, Florida Loredana Jolie in a photo shoot on January 25, 2010. on March 1, 2011. was miscarried and the second pregnancy terminated. When the affair came to light, James received death threats from Tiger’s fans. What’s this world coming to when you can’t have wild sex with a married golf superstar without folks over-reacting? “He told me I was the only girl he was having sex with,” said James. Even more astounding, she believed him! James has since moved to Las Vegas and continues to work as a high end escort. Do not be surprise to see her involved in another celebrity sex scandal in the future. James in an interview with The Sun stated her opinion on whether or not Tiger would cheat on his new girlfriend Lindsey Vonn, “A leopard might change its spots, but a Tiger doesn’t change its stripes.”

DEVON JAMES. The 11th Hole (2010) is a porn flick starring 3 of the alleged Tiger Woods’ mistresses Joslyn James, Holly Sampson, and Devon James. In The 11th Hole these three porn stars recreate the sexual experiences they claimed they had with Tiger. Porn star Devon James, whose real name is Melinda Jannette, counts herself as one of the women involved in Tiger’s extramarital affairs in media interviews and porn movies The 11th Hole and Tiger’s 16th Hole! (2010), however, Tiger has never publicly mentioned her name. Still Dennis Hof, the owner of the Bunny Ranch, a brothel nearby Carson City, Nevada, fired James once she went to the media about her alleged fling with Tiger since she “broke the code of privacy and discretion with clients.” He also called her “a disgusting excuse for a working girl.” And if a brothel owner calls you that, perhaps you should re-examine your life! She did excel at getting publicity, though. In June, 2010 Devon James filed a widely publicized paternity suit against Tiger Woods, claiming that he was the baby daddy of her 9 year old son, despite its refutation by a DNA test years earlier. Even her own mother referred to

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James as “a pathological liar.”

LOREDANA JOLIE. One of Ti- ger Woods’ favorite playmates when he stayed in Los Angeles was Playboy model and high-end escort Loredana Jolie Ferriolo also known as Loredana Jolie, a gorgeous blonde from Sicily. For those of you who think you can’t put a price on love, Jolie proved you wrong. She charged Tiger $15,000 for one night of passion. No wonder they say love hurts. Jolie wrote a book about her affair with Tiger titled The Real Diary: Lessons from the Good- Time Girl to Champions. Jolie referred to Nordegren as an “uncaring gold digger”, and further elaborated, “… If I was in his house where the hell was she? … She was in it for the money.” Jolie also described Tiger’s “healthy appetite for arranged sex, threesomes, girls next door, and girl- on-girl sex parties.” One might reason- Porn Star Tyler Knight (left) plays Tiger Woods and porn star Kayden Kross ably assume that this was not one of (right) plays his wife Elin Nordegren in the 2010 porn movie Tyler’s Wood, Nordegren’s favorite books. a XXX parody of the Tiger Woods scandal . Tyler’s Wood was originally called Tiger’s Wood, but was changed to avoid a lawsuit from Tiger Woods. the hOWARD SteRN ShOW’S tIGeR WOODS MIStReSS BeAU- tY PAGeANt. If you are a legendary shock jock named Howard Stern, with your own no-holds-barred satellite radio show on Sirius XM, you have license to do pretty much anything you like. So, it shouldn’t have raised many eyebrows when, on March 10, 2010, Stern presented the Tiger Woods Mistress Beauty Pageant. Stern would get a high ratings guarantee, and the alleged Tiger Woods’ mistresses would get the chance to win good money and extend their brief time in the limelight. A win-win situation. The contestants: Tiger Woods’ playthings Jamie Jungers, Loredana Jolie, and Jaimee Grubbs. The stakes: $75,000 for the first prize winner, $15,000 for the second prize winner, $10,000 for the third prize winner. The prize money was provided by the National Endowment for the Arts. Yeah, right. Just wanted to see if you were paying attention. It was actually donated by the dating site Ashley Madison.com, which makes it possible for you to pursue extramarital affairs. Talk about your perfectly matched sponsors! Noel Biderman from AshleyMadison.com served as the pageant judge. If Tiger had used AshleyMadi- son.com, might his wife have caught him cheating on her? Not according to Biderman, who assured Howard that AshleyMadison.com is able to erase the entire site history, plus employ additional methods of cheating, for any of its clients who desire not to be caught. Jamie appeared first in a sexy bikini that looked more like lingerie and said she was attracted to Tiger Woods, so when he appeared, she “jumped on the opportunity.” Apparently, that wasn’t all she jumped on. She said she had sex with him the first night they met, but that that’s not typical with her. Uh-huh. Howard asked her if Tiger is “as big as people say he is.” Jamie responded, “He is pretty big.” She added that they had some rough sex consisting of Tiger throwing her against the wall. He also asked her if she thought Tiger is a sex addict, to which she replied, “He might need help.” Which is like saying Al- Qaeda might need to calm down.

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elin nordegren

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TIMELINE OF WHEN THE ALLEGED TIGER WOODS’ MISTRESSES WERE PUBLICLY EXPOSED

Rachel Uchitel, night club hostess Jaimee Grubbs, cocktail waitress and DATE AnD AgE PUBLICLY EXPOSED reality TV show contestant november 23, 2009, Age: 34 DATE AnD AgE PUBLICLY EXPOSED LEngTh Of AffAIr: 2009, a few months December 1, 2009, Age: 24 LEngTh Of AffAIr: 2007 to 2009, 31 months Kalika Moquin, night club promoter DATE AnD AgE PUBLICLY EXPOSED Jamie Jungers, cocktail waitress and December 2, 2009, Age: 27 lingerie model LEngTh Of AffAIr: 2009, a few months DATE AnD AgE PUBLICLY EXPOSED December 5, 2009, Age: 26 LEngTh Of AffAIr: 2005 to 2007, 18 months Mindy Lawton, diner waitress DATE AnD AgE PUBLICLY EXPOSED Cori Rist, model December 6, 2009, Age: 33 DATE AnD AgE PUBLICLY EXPOSED LEngTh Of AffAIr: 2006 to 2007, 14 months December 5, 2009, Age: 31 LEngTh Of AffAIr: 2006, 6 months Holly Sampson, porn star and escort DATE AnD AgE PUBLICLY EXPOSED Joslyn James, porn star and escort December 7, 2009, Age 36 DATE AnD AgE PUBLICLY EXPOSED LEngTh Of AffAIr: 2004, one night stand December 8, 2009, Age: 32 at his bachelor party LEngTh Of AffAIr: 2006 to 2009

Loredana Jolie, Playboy model and escort Theresa Rogers, cougar DATE AnD AgE PUBLICLY EXPOSED DATE AnD AgE PUBLICLY EXPOSED December 11, 2009, Age: 26 December 14, 2009, Age: 48 LEngTh Of AffAIr: 2006 to 2008 LEngTh Of AffAIr: 2004 to 2009

Julie Postle, night club cocktail waitress Devon James, porn star and escort DATE AnD AgE PUBLICLY EXPOSED DATE AnD AgE PUBLICLY EXPOSED March 23, 2010, Age: 29 December 14, 2009, Age: 26 On February 19, 2010 Tiger Woods apologizes for his sex LEngTh Of AffAIr: 2004 to 2006 LEngTh Of AffAIr: 2006 to 2008, 2 1/2 years scandal at the Sawgrass Players Club in Pointe Verda Emma Rotherham, night club goer Raychel Coudriet, college student Beach, Florida. Tiger’s real mistake was marrying a gold DATE AnD AgE PUBLICLY EXPOSED and neighbor digger and not his extramarital affairs. Tiger should ac- January 24, 2010, Age: 42 DATE AnD AgE PUBLICLY EXPOSED LEngTh Of AffAIr: 2008 to 2009, 18 months April 6, 2010, Age: 21 cept the fact that he is a player for life especially since it LEngTh Of AffAIr: 2009, a few months is a cheaper lifestyle that requires no apology.

IT WOULD HAVE BEEN CHEAPER FOR TIGER WOODS TO SPEND HIS ESTIMATED $100 MILLION DIVORCE SETTLEMENT ON PROSTITUTES INSTEAD OF GIVING IT TO HIS GOLD DIGGING EX-WIFE ELIN NORDEGREN tYPe oF meeting meeting average Price number oF times could have exPerienced with Prostitute♥ duration range✹ with his divorce settlement✤ Passionate Tryst 1 hour $250 to $1,500 400,000 to 66,666 Pure Ecstasy 90 minutes $400 to $2,000 250,000 to 50,000 Fantasy Rendezvous 2 hours $500 to $2,500 200,000 to 40,000 Dinner and Dessert 4 hours $800 to $5,000 125,000 to 20,000 Wild Overnight 12 hours $2,000 to $8,000 50,000 to 125,000 Great Escape 1 day $3,000 to $10,000 33,333 to 10,000 Weekend Getaway 2 days $5,000 to $15,000 20,000 to 6,666 Erotic Adventure 1 week $10,000 to $30,000 10,000 to 3,333

♥ Descriptive terms that prostitutes use or do not use to refer to meetings they have with their clients can vary and what is stated is not representative of all prostitutes. ✹ Average prices compiled from escort marketing websites such as Eros-Guide.com and Cityvibe.com, escort agency websites, and independent escort websites. ✤ Some of the numbers have been rounded off. Note: The term escort is a euphemism for prostitute.

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Howard asked the next contestant, Loredana Jo- lie, if her ample breasts were real or fake. Loredana responded, honestly, “They are real expensive.” In re- sponse to Howard asking if she knew whether Tiger was cheating on her, Loredana said she didn’t know for sure that Tiger was seeing anyone else but as- sumed he was. She said since he was cheating on his wife, she realized he would no doubt cheat on her. Lo- redana said, in the words of Sandra Bullock with the memory of her cheating ex-husband Jesse James, that once a cheater, always a cheater. Howard asked the third contestant, Jaimee Grubbs, if she kept all of the texts that Tiger sent. She said she kept them because, apparently like most high priced escorts, she’s sentimental. If they made a Hallmark card to send men who cheat on their wives, Jaimee would no doubt have bought one. Jaimee said that Tiger and her had the same view about safe sex, or rather, the lack of it since they never used condoms. She said it was one of those heat of the moment things that they just did, like, say, cheating on one’s wife or getting paid huge amounts of cash for sex with strangers. Howard asked Jaimee if they did oral on each other. She said that they did everything. Nice that they didn’t get stuck in a rut. Jaimee added that Tiger always pulled out and would never cum in- Tiger Woods’ girlfriend the gold digger Lindsey Vonn side of her, and would never cum on her face or pee on at The Plazzo in Las Vegas, Nevada on June 4, 2011 her. Damn Tiger how do you ever expect to live up to the for the Simon G. Jewelry’s Soiree. lyrics of the singer Rick James’ song Super Freak. The first place winner of the Tiger Woods Mistress Beauty Pageant was Jamie Jungers. Followed by Jaimee Grubbs in second place and third place Loredana Jolie bringing up the rear, so to speak.

TIGER WOODS AND ELIN NORDEGREN DIVORCE. If Tiger Woods’ wife, Elin Nordegren, was keeping a record of her husband’s numerous transgressions, the record would have included a series of unfortunate events in her superstar husband’s life. And why would she be keeping such a record? Oh, perhaps she might have had her eye on the prize the huge cash settlement that a celebrity divorce inevi- tably brings. The evidence: Tiger Woods’ extramarital dalliance with Rachel Uchitel is revealed in No- vember, 2009, in The National Enquirer. Shortly thereafter, US Weekly released one of Tiger’s voicemail messages to his mistress. Tiger released an apology, admitting “transgressions,” which is shorthand for having wild, passionate, and freaky sex with several women who are not one’s wife. Just in case anyone thought this was just a fluke, Tiger proved himself consistent in his cheating and libido. Throughout the next few weeks, several women publicly claimed to have had affairs with him. In yet another public statement, Tiger admitted his infidelity, apologized again, and revealed he would be taking “an indefi- nite break from professional golf.” No doubt having maintained a full schedule as both a golf pro and prolific sex enthusiast must have been exhausting. And he did, in fact, check himself into the Pine Grove Behavioral Health & Addiction Services, a sex rehabilitation clinic in Hattiesburg, Mississippi. Any shock that all of this led to divorce? Tiger and Nordegren’s divorce was finalized on August 23, 2010. The estimated payout from Tiger to Nordegren was $100 million. No doubt that smoothed over all of her pain and intensified a lot of his. But that was not the only cost of Tiger’s indiscretions and the resulting divorce. His actions came back to bite him, and painfully so, in the wallet, among other plac- es. At least seven companies ended their sponsorship deals with him resulting, according to one study,

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in an estimated shareholder loss of between $5 to $12 bil- lion dollars. Beyond that, he lost the respect of many of his fans and his standing in the sport of golf. He did, however, show remorse and understanding in an attempt at crisis management. During a public apology, Tiger stated, “I knew my actions were wrong. But I convinced myself that normal rules didn't apply. I never thought about who I was hurting. Instead, I thought only about myself.” No man should have to apologize for enjoying pussy which is a natural and wonderful experience. There are plenty of fools who want to feel sorry for Ti- ger’s cheated upon wife, Nordegren, but how much sym- pathy can you spare for someone who received a $100 million payout? Tiger Woods is a great professional ath- lete, wealthy, handsome, and famous which are all the characteristics of a pussy magnet and an irresistible prize catch for countless numbers of women so how could Nor- degren not know what she was getting involved in when she married Tiger. Nordegren’s gold digging strategy probably was if the marriage succeeds she wins because she would be living in a never ending 24/7 episode of the television show Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous without the annoying host Robin Leach and if the marriage fails she wins since she would be the recipient of one of the biggest divorce settlements in history. Nordegren Tiger Woods’ ex-wife Elin Nordegren’s alleged could rest easy with this gold digging strategy because boyfriend coal tycoon Chris Cline being inter- regardless of the outcome of her marriage to Tiger she viewed on June 21, 2010 in Johnson City, Illinois. would be financially set for the rest of her life.

LINDSEY VONN, TIGER WOODS’ NEW GIRLFRIEND. After his divorce, Tiger Woods apparently decided to upgrade his dating life from his usual menu of models, cocktail waitresses and porn stars. Since 2012 Tiger’s new girlfriend has been Lindsey Vonn (born October 18, 1984) who is a world class, U.S. Olympic gold medal skier who has become the most successful American female in the history of the sport of skiing. Although Vonn originally disapproved of Tiger’s numerous affairs she seems now more focused on finding out what Tiger and her have in common which proves when a man is a multi-millionaire women can easily ignore his mistakes, flaws and shortcomings to gain access to his fortune. “We’re just happy,” Vonn told People Magazine. “We’re both at the top of our sports, and we relate really well to each other.” The gold digger Vonn needs to admit her attraction to Tiger’s money. In 2010 Vonn also attained the number 59 spot on Maxim magazine’s Maxim Hot 100 list. What are the chances that Tiger had intimate knowledge of several others on the list?

CHRIS CLINE, ELIN NORDEGREN’S ALLEGED NEW BOYFRIEND. Tiger is not the only one who’s upgraded his relationship. Since 2012 Tiger’s ex-wife, Elin Nordegren, having ended her 6 year marriage has been dating her next door neighbor billionaire Chris Cline (born July 5, 1958), who made his fortune with coal. Let us just hope Tiger and Cline do not get into a yacht measuring contest because Cline’s yacht Mine Games is bigger not to mention that Cline is also richer than Tiger. So, if you were worried that Nordegren would be struggling to survive on her mere $100 million divorce settlement, you can relax. The gold digger Nordegren is not letting the age gap of 21 years between Cline and her prevent her from gaining access to his fortune. One advantage to dating a billionaire Nordegren does not have to think twice about being able to super-size her order at McDonald’s.

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CELEBRITY DIVORCES: PROSTITUTES ARE CHEAPER THAN GOLD DIGGERS eliot spitzer

New York Governor Eliot Spitzer (right) speaks to the media with his wife Silda Wall Spitzer (left) on March 10, 2008 at his New York office where he apologizes to his family for a “private matter”, but does not mention his prostitution scandal. On June 6, 2007 the hypocrite Governor Eliot Spitzer signed into law anti-prostitution legislation in New York.

ELIOT SPITZER

What a difference a year makes! in 2007, recently elected Governor of new york eliot spitzer (born June 10, 1957) was known primarily as the two-term new york state attorney General, from 1999 to 2006, during which time he acquired the nickname the sheriff of Wall street due to his dogged pursuit of people involved in white collar crime on Wall street. in 2008, eliot spitzer became known primarily as “client 9,” the patron of a high priced prostitution service, or “escort agency,” called emperors club ViP. apparently, this was not part of his official duties as new york state Governor. did some vengeful call girl blow the whistle on spitzer? au contraire! it was his own bank account at hsBc Bank that did him in by tipping off federal investigators to suspicious money transfers in the account. at first, the investigators theorized that these were bribess pitzer was attempting to cover up. But in looking into the matter further, the existence of the prostitution ring spitzer patronized reared its head, as it were. and obviously, as things turned out, hiding bribe proceeds would have probably been less embarrassing than what the investigation revealed. according to a federal wiretap, 48 year old spitzer would meet for over two hours with a 22 year old, $1,000-an-hour call girl who went by the name of ashley dupre (born april 30, 1985). specula- tion had it that they were probably not using that time and place to discuss securities fraud, but if they were, there was not a lot of clothing involved.

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According to federal surveillance reports, Spitzer shelled out over $15,000 for seven or eight escort agency women over a period of half a year. He must have needed escorting badly. Did things improve during the time he was Attorney General and Gov- ernor after that? They did for his prostitutes, who pocketed up to $80,000 of Spitzer’s money over several years. So, you have to admit that at least while in office, he contributed to higher employment though, granted, it focused almost exclusively on a very specialized area of the working world. Despite his own hobby in using prostitutes, Spitzer forged ahead and prosecuted accused prostitution rings during the time he served as Attorney General and head of New York’s organized crime task force. Of course, no one realized at the time how much first hand knowledge Spitzer had of his target businesses or more accurately, first gland knowledge. Yes, in a textbook definition of the word “irony,” Spitzer was paying for prostitutes for himself at the same time that he was targeting prostitution rings to shut them down. Talk about nerve. Talk about skating on thin ice. But, wait it gets even better. One of the escort services, NY Confidential, was run by a guy named Jason Itzler, who met Ash- ley Dupre, Spitzer’s subsequent “escort,” in 2004. Due to her skills in the service sector, Ashley was, of course, working as a cocktail waitress. Soon, she New York Governor Eliot Spitzer’s escort Ashley Dupre took her service skills to a whole other level, work- at the Lemon Basket’s grand opening on May 11, 2011 ing as an escort for Itzler, under the name Victo- in West Hollywood, California. NY Confidential owner ria. Queen Victoria must have been spinning in her Jason Itzler claims when Dupre worked for his escort grave. In 2005, it became harder for Itzler to run NY agency she had Charlie Sheen as a client. Confidential for one good reason; the New York State Attorney General’s Office closed it and sent Itzler to prison. But, ever resourceful, Dupre managed to find gainful employment with the former CFO of NY Confidential at his new Brooklyn escort business, Velvet Traces. All this experience prepared Dupre to go on to achieve notoriety as Spitzer’s gal at the Emperors Club VIP. Threats of impeachment by New York State legislators motivated Spitzer’s appearance, on March 12, 2008, to announce he was resigning as Governor. So, in just a few short months, Spitzer went from holding an important post, to being tied to a bedpost, to resigning his post. In his resignation speech, Spitzer said, “I go forward with the belief, as others have said, that as human beings, our greatest glory consists not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall.” Reached for comment, Ashley Dupre confirmed that she had, in fact, experienced Spitzer rising many times. Spitzer declared his candidacy for New York City Comptroller on July 7, 2013. Spitzer stated that he was hoping to be forgiven by the voters. “Like most men, I occasionally have let my little head make the decisions instead of using my big head,” Spitzer might have said if he was totally honest. Manhattan Borough President Scott Stringer defeated Spitzer in the Democratic primary election on September 10, 2013. Ironically, in the general election Spitzer would have competed against the Libertarian Party candidate Kristin Davis, also known as the Manhattan Madam who claimed to have provided him with escorts, if she had not withdrew from the race. This is proof that, indeed, truth is stranger than fiction.

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Eliot spitzEr

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CELEBRITY DIVORCES: PROSTITUTES ARE CHEAPER THAN GOLD DIGGERS george soros

George Soros (front) and his girlfriend the gold digger Adriana Ferreyr (back) on a beach in St. Barts on January 7, 2011.

GEORGE SOROS AND ADRIANA FERREYR AGE GAP: 53 YEARS GEORGE SOROS AND TAMIKO BOLTON AGE GAP: 42 YEARS

Are there superst Ars in the investment world? there are and one is world famous billionaire hedge fund manager, George soros (born August 12, 1930). soros is a brilliant speculator in the world of high finance who made billions due to his impeccable talent to predict movements in the financial markets. sadly, his financial acumen didn’t exactly translate into romantic partner acumen. he lacked the ability to predict movements in his bedroom, as it were. soros’ bedroom movements have included his marriage in 1960 to the gold digger Annaliese witschak. witschak gave him three children and a divorce in 1983 and received a set for the rest of your life divorce settlement from him. soros wasted no time in marrying the gold digger susan weber soros (born 1954) the same year. what was the hurry? hey, if your romantic partner was 24 years younger than you and agreed to get married, would you want a long engagement? that 22 year marriage ended in divorce in 2005, with two more children. soros paid susan $24 million to obtain sole ownership of a 16 room apartment on Fifth Avenue in new York City they had shared as part of their divorce settlement. obviously, marrying George soros proves to be an excellent investment! soros’ first serious girlfriend after his 2nd marriage was actress and gold digger Adriana Ferreyr (born may 18, 1983). if you’re a fan of Brazilian soap operas you no doubt recognize her from the 2002 series marisol. soros met Ferreyr in 2006, when she was 23 and he was 76. Yes, priceless romance. Because can you ever put a price on true love? well, apparently Ferreyr could. to her, true love was worth $50

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million, the amount of the lawsuit she filed against Soros in 2011. What did he do wrong? Ferreyr spelled it out: “fraud, harassment, emotional distress, estop- pel, and assault and battery.” But other than that, he was a sweetheart. Ferreyr claimed that while they were in bed, Soros pulled the apartment out from under her, informing her that the $1.9 million New York City apartment he’d previously promised her now had a new owner. To add insult to injury, that new owner Soros revealed to her was his new girlfriend Tamiko Bolton (born 1972). Ooh, that must have hurt. But how about twisting the knife in deeper by adding, “My girlfriend is now flourishing.” Not the smoothest breakup move in history. Soros took the standard “It’s not you, it’s me” excuse to a whole new level. It doesn’t take a psychic to have predicted the fight which followed that harsh revelation. The lawsuit claimed that Soros slapped Ferreyr across the face and attempted to choke her. And that Ferreyr picked up a glass lamp to protect herself. Soros then apparently grabbed the lamp and tried unsuccessfully to hit her with it. Ferreyr called the police. She says she was traumatized by all this and as a result was unable to function in her daily life. Wouldn’t you react the same George Soros (left) and his 3rd wife the gold digger way if you just found out you lost a $1.9 million apart- Tamiko Bolton (right) at a screening of The Untouch- ment? Ferreyr claims she’s had to pay for treatment ables held at The Paley Center in New York City on for post-traumatic stress disorder. And what would April 30, 2012 for the celebration of Harvey Wein- you do about all this if you were Soros? Strongly deny stein’s Legion d’honneur. the allegations, of course! Soros turned 82 during August of 2012 and figured since he wasn’t getting any younger, why not get engaged to his girlfriend, the 40 year old Tamiko Bolton. Remember her? She is the girlfriend to whom he gave Ferreyr’s apartment. Okay, let’s tally up our score so far. This would be Bolton’s second marriage and Soros’ third marriage, with five kids from his other marriages. And you can bet all of them are making plans to ensure “that bitch doesn’t steal our inheritance.” And what do we know about Bolton? Well, she’s no bimbo, having graduated from the University of Utah and followed that up with an MBA in Gold Digging from the University of Miami. A former creator of an internet-based dietary supplement business, she apparently likes trying new things, so is now operating a web-based yoga education business. On September 21, 2013 Soros married the gold digger Bolton at his Bedford, New York estate, a place Soros purchased from Jurassic Park author Michael Crichton in 2003. This marriage sets the wheels in motion for another gold digger to rob a man blind by either receiving an expensive divorce settlement if the marriage fails or as his spouse inheriting the lion share of his fortune when he dies, but even before something like one of those events occur she is milking him for his every dollar living a lavish lifestyle. Meanwhile the $50 million lawsuit from Ferreyr drags on, with Soros determined to fight it to the death, which given his age could be any moment now. Now that’s commitment. Speaking of which, Soros and his lawyers are going out of their way to make it crystal clear that Soros and Ferreyr never had a committed relationship. Soros says he was only in it for the sex, which he was having with numerous other women at the same time. Are you picturing Hugh Hefner high-fiving him? Apparently, Soros gets most sexually excited by continuing to fight with Ferreyr. Paging Dr. Phil!

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anna nicole smith