40UR WOMAN:

A PLAY IN MONOLOGUES

A Thesis

Presented to

The Faculty of Graduate Studies

of

The University of Guelph

by

WENDY BRATHWAITE

In partial fulfilment of requirements

for the degree of

Master of Fine Arts August, 2008

© Wendy Brathwaite, 2008 Library and Bibliotheque et 1*1 Archives Canada Archives Canada Published Heritage Direction du Branch Patrimoine de I'edition

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a play in monologues

CHARACTERS

Grace: A Caribbean woman in her forties, mid-20th century; she has been a dead-washer

(women who cared for the dead before the building of funeral homes); she is also a

mother.

Gloriah: A Caribbean-born woman in her twenties; recently immigrated to Toronto;

working as a domestic, early 1970s.

Joy: A Canadian-born woman of Caribbean descent, 30; in the psychiatric unit in the

Prison for Women, 1990s.

Jahmilah: A 15 year old African Canadian girl; in a Toronto group home, 2009. 2

Act I

(The stage is lit by a spotlight. On a long table, a body is covered by a white sheet.

On a clothesline hangs a dress, gloves, hat, necklace with a cross and scarf. A small

chest sits at the front of the stage, a few unlit candles.

A grandfather clock chimes.

GRACE appears on stage, looking towards the sky. She wears a cotton dress, and

carries a galvanize basin of water in her hands.)

This is my story, this is my song...

Evening Missa James...How you do?....Me here, man, me here.. .Well, man appoints, but

God disappoints.. .Yes, see you later.

(She watches until the road is clear and leaves the stage. She returns, tying her head

with a head tie. A pinafore and towels are thrown over her shoulder. She hums a

tune.)

This is my story, this is my song...

(She slips into the pinafore as she hums, tying the strings behind her back. She

opens the chest and rummages for items, placing pennies, four strips of ribbon and

a bottle of oil into the pocket of the pinafore.) 3

Mammy was a deadwasha. She use to fix up de dead when them gone, fore dem bury.

Not every everybody cyan do dat you know.. .only certain woman in de village. Dem time, dem nah hab no fridge, fu keep de body cold. So is the deadwasha to covah the mirror dem, bade de body, tie up the chin and ting, and pray after it, ready de body for de wake. All dem things, me see mi Mammy do.

(She reaches into her pocket, pulls out a box of matches. She strikes the match and

lights candles. She hears something and leaves the stage quickly; she returns

carrying a large metal kettle, her hand wrapped in a tea towel. She pours the water

into the basin.)

When me was 13, Miss Maisy pass. She was mi Mammy good good friend. Her mammy

to call my granny cousin. Well, every evening, Mammy either pass by Miss Maisy, or

Miss Maisy come a our yard. Dem was close close, since dem small. One evening, Miss

Maisy big daughter run up de front road a call Mammy, tell her come quick look pon

Miss Maisy, cause she nah look good at all at all. Mammy in bed sick sick with baby. She

can't move left, she can't move right. And she say "Grace, ayuh haffl go ovah Miss

Maisy and see bout her. Teksome ofde soup you cookfu me. "

Me too too frighten fe go out in de dark deh, but me frighten mi Mammy more. So me

trudge down wid de soup a Miss Maisy, try not fu look back, in fear me spy jumbie.

(She finishes pouring the water, and lays the kettle on the towel on the floor.) 4

Even before me reach de yard, me hear a one piece a bawl. Lawd, de wailing. Jussa reach

out a de darkness and hole you. Me wan run, but when me look back, it too dark back

dere, so what me fe do but walk up to where the light a bun out Miss Maisy front door...

When me come back, Mammy call me from out the back room, ask me how Miss Maisy

do. Me stand up by she door and haffi tell 'ar...

Mammy... Miss Maisy gone.. Just fore I reach.. .When I come, dem nah even tie she two

toe togeddah, or shut she eye dem.. .Yes Mammy, I tell dem you was down. Dem

understand...

Oh Mammy, Ms. Maisy daughter bawl murder. Dem nah even pull down the shade or

nuttin. Just have breeze a blow pon Ms. Maisy.

Me try fu help she Mammy, but she a carry on so, she nah good fe sheself at tall. Me

haffi tek she back by de cistern and throw water pon she face.. .No Mammy, yuh nah

haffi get up, me wash she already.. .Yes Mammy.. .All she son dem out a bridge a play

domino. Is me one who have fu go in tek care a Ms. Maisy. Dem nah even know dem

mammy dead, and she daughta nah good fu run down deah. Me wondah how the road go

so quiet quiet so. Not even a little boy me see fu go call somebody. Is jussa a me one...

Yes, Mammy, I shut she yeye dem. With de coin. Me fine two in she purse. Me nevah did

wan go in she something, but me couldn't ask she daughter fu help me... 5

Yes Mammy, I did say Our Father... No, me nevah walk out like that. I turn round, my

face was to the door.. .Oh.

(She takes off her shoes.)

Yes, I take dem off long time.. .Yes, I washing mi feet.

(She reaches towards the basin, and sprinkles some water on her feet.)

And mi hand.. .Yes Mammy, I know. Must nevah come home with death pon you hand.

(She dips her fingers lightly into the warmed water. She wipes the wetness over her

palms.)

That was the first time, the first time I do what me hear Mammy do all my life.

But, afta me bade mi mammy body, me swear, me naah bade nobady again. Me promise

me wouldn't nevah touch another dead with dese two hand again.

(She removes the ribbons from her pinafore, and turns to the clothes line, where she

hangs them up one by one.)

Daddy sell two goat fu pay one backra docta come a town, say him come from Englan.

Daddy tell me move from de room, but me mash mi face gainst de door, a watch him

white hand dem pon mi Mammy belly, him white finga stick in she mouth. Him push she 6

knee apart so, and scrunch down so. Him linga dere. Dem him get up and say "Come

come now, that's enough. It's time to get up. Don't be a lazy one. "

Him come out de room, tell Daddy say "she just needs some good, old fashion work" and

how "these gyals nowadays want dinner on a silver tray, cause they bringing another pickaninny into the world. " He open him hand and slap Daddy on him shoulder, and

gone through the gate, and nah even shut it behind him.

Sunday come, Mammy nah get up fu tek us go church. When me wake up, me see

Mammy a burn wit fevah. Her body soak soak down, wet wet. By night come, Mammy

gone. Baby gone too.

Is me a wash body, it was me. Thirteen. Neva again, misses. Me say neva again.

(She approaches the body on the table. She pauses by the feet, covered by the white

sheet. She makes to lift the sheet, grabs it, and then stops in mid air.)

Me use to hear dem, a sou sou sou. How Mammy a wash body and she a carry baby. Me

hear dem whispah, when she lie in de box Daddy ask Mr. Man fe build fu her, and the

whole village pass fu see her.

Every single body come - small, big, old man, pickney. Cause my same Mammy pass

through everybody yard, every single one a dem, she wash somebody fu dem - dem

mammy, dem husband, even stillborn. And still, dem fraid fu cross Mammy gate. But 7 dem come fu see Mammy lay out fore dem put she in de grave. Dem wake har, singing high high into the night.

(She takes the bottle of oil from her pocket as she speaks. She opens it and pours a

drop oil into her hand, smoothing it over her head. She sprinkles the oil over the

sheet, from head to foot.)

And Aunt Gigi - remember Aunty Gigi - she stand up, and she lift she head so and say:

"When my sister was walked amongst us, she never hesitate to lay a hand, to do what

many fear to do. And now tonight, I will sing her over, with her most favorite song while she was here amongst us. "

(Grace steps from behind the table and sings.)

I've reached the land of corn and wine

And all its riches freely mine

Here shines undimmed one blissful day

For all my night has passed away.

0 Beulah Land, sweet Beulah Land

As on thy highest mount I stand

1 look away across the sea

Where mansions are prepared for me 8

And view the shining glory shore

My Heav 'n, my home forever...

(Her voice fades.)

Me nah ready fu lose Mammy. Me nuh ready fu lose har. Me jussa tek mi confirmation in the white dress Mammy mek me. Me jussa start my bleeding. Who go tell me where fu

lay out mi cloth dem. Who go watch me, make sure they hide behind the latrine, in the

sun fu bleaching, white white.

Neva even tun a cornmeal good yet. When me use to watch Mammy hold har fungi stick,

brandish so, how she hold de pot and tun her arm strong strong, she fungi turn like cream,

a jussa melt on yo tongue.

(She leaves the table and turns towards her chest. She finds a pouch. She goes to the

basin and sprinkles some leaves into the steam.)

Daddy beat me the 1st time. Him gone fu him tamarind switch and lay one lash pon me

back. Him say "why de fungi so lumpy lumpy, why the okra so hard?!" Me run a Aunty

Gigi yard, and beg her fu let me stay. She say no, you must stay home, take care a Daddy

and the little ones. She come take the little little two, but she say to me you finish raise,

it's timefu woman now. 9

(She turns abruptly from the basin, and returns to the table. She takes a deep

breath, and peels away the sheet, revealing two bare feet, the big toes tied together

with string. She reaches to touch them, and stops.

She marches back to the chest, takes out a shallow pan and a glass vial. She steps

back to the basin, dips the pan into the water and back to the table. She unties the

string, pulls the towel off her shoulder, and proceeds to wash the feet.)

"Silent and ashamed, he wished himself a child again, to be taught by his father to speak

without oaths, and..."

Me stop go a school. That hurt me you see. Because I tell you, I'm not saying I was the

smartest, but nobody was smarter than me. Me use to sit by the kerosene light, read my

lessons, and teach de little ones fu write dem name. And Mammy say: "Readfor me. "

And I find the page, we'd say together "Who can find a virtuous woman, for her price is far above rubies..."

(She turns to the clothesline, and runs her fingers along the hanging clothes. She

stops at the stockings, takes them down and returns to the table.)

Me still read though. I read my Bible. And I read one book Teacher Jane gi me afta

Mammy die. "Pilgrim's Progress." She say "this is for you, Grace. " 10

(As she speaks, she opens the vial, and spreads oil on the bottom of the feet.)

I still have it. The leave and dem a fall out, but me tie it up good good with a ribbon, so I

never lose not one sheet of what Teacher Jane did give me.

Me nevah let dat book leave me, you know. Even when me wash clothes in the basin, me

tie it in mi frock back, so. Den me leave de clothes fe soak, and tips toe behind the cistern

and read my book.

(She steps to centre stage, sits on the floor and reads.)

"Silent and ashamed, he wished himself a child again, to be taught by his father to speak

without oaths, and curs... "

.. .Yes Daddy?...I'm soaking the clothes.. .In the latrine.. .(giggles to herself.) Pa D

come home midday from pasture, or from cane field if he cutting for Mister Codders in

harvest.

Round den, mi Daddy use to rent a piece a ground from Mr. Codders. Me memba me

hear him tell Mammy how it good him have a son so when he grow old, den he can buy

the land. But Mammy would say, "You stay dey. Is you girlpickney who might buy de

landfu you." Him nevah want us to haffi go a canefield. Daddy say, "Man who can't till fu him own land, nah worth de hand God gi him. " Him say, "What man is a man if a next

man a get rich, while himpickney a eat wind pie and fry eye? " 11

But Daddy plant everything - okra, dasheen, eddoes, spinach. Sometime, Daddy set net early morning fe catch sea egg. Him work land in a daytime, den afternoon, go fetch him pot and net. But no matter, him always come back a noon time, fu see bout me, and leave provisions.

When me come in from out back, if it season, a stack of mango, maybe guinea, some

anchoba, yam, sugar cane, what evah him bring from ground. Me share out what fu Miss

Wright fu carry town a sell a market. The rest, me wash and start cook supper fore de

likkle one dem come home.

(She shakes away the memory and steps back to the table. She pulls out one thigh at

a time from the sheet, washing each.)

Me tell you. Pickney bring you pure belly trouble, pure heart ache. Dem nah care if dem

shame yuh. Dem nah care if you live you life fu feed dem. Dem nah care fu do betta dan

yuh...oh!

(She runs to the side to looks out into the sky.)

Full moon no show, yet. But is coming, man. It coming.. .what me forgetting? The single

bible.

(she moves to the chest, brings out a long thick aloe leaf and a jar.) 12

Me mus ask Sista Smith for three nice aloe. We can fix up the grave nice with that, you don't think? Flowers too scarce now, buddy.

(She takes a spoon from her pocket and crouches down. She begins to scrape the

aloe plant into the jar. She moves back to the table.)

I member one year...draught. Not one a drop a fall. Land brown, cow die off, cane nah

grow, nah water dey bout. Me have fu tek pail go stand pipe near spring fe get wata fix

cook, wash, boil fe drink. Me walk half mile down a Bram's Bay, by the cane field across

from US Base. Me tek mi tie-head, mi pail, and tie up one stocking with cassia bush prick

inna it. Yes man. Dem soldja a hide in bush fu young girl to come and find pure

defilation. But not me, missis.

(She returns to the table and pulls the arms from beneath the sheet. She smears the

aloe over the skin as she speaks.)

My school friend live cross a yard from me, Ruby dem call she. She did come pon two

of dem and nevah have she cassia stocking. Lawd, what a ting. Me nevah see her afta dat.

Dem send she to she granny ovah Potters. Is years later me di see she, in St. John, a beg a

halfpence by Cathedral.

Well, not me missis. Me walk tru bush, one hand pon my pail, and one hand a wield me

cassie stocking. And me a walk strong. But, one time, me hear a noise.. Like a foot rustle 13 behind me in the bush. Me stop. Me so frighten, I couldn't run. And me see one head come out the high cane, and me drop my pail, and same time just go BRAPS! Down me stocking fall pon one blacka head. Two time, boom boom. Man fall down. Then a whole heapa man come behind him, and reach to pull him up. When me look good, it Deacon

Smith.

Lawd, him quarrel, yuh see. Just get up in one temper, say how me no manners, and how me impertinent, and how him woulda tek off him belt fe give me two licks right dey so...

But the rest of the man dem in such a hurry, dem just push him pass me and a prick out cassie bush outta Deacon Smith skin, while him still a fuss.

Now I don't know what mek me sey lemme follow big man inna de bush, but when me see dem head disappear into cane field, me look left and right, and then walk afta them.

Just little ways, I come on a clearing, and there me see bout 30, 40 man, some face me know from right in our village, a stand up round.

(She goes back to the chest.)

And in the middle a dem, a man stand up above, like on one box. Him hands raise up so.

And him voice? Big. Him voice deep like rumble, like when day a clear over here in

Antigua, and you can see lightening a flash ovah Redonda, right after you hear thunder.

(she closes the lid of the chest and stands on top.) 14

Him voice big like him shoulders, round like him belly, his skin dark dark, him hands, raise up and him seh: "Slavery gone!" Him talk bout a man name Garvey, how him come from Jamaica and how him live in America. And him say how de planters dem nah pay living wage. How plantation system build on the back of Black men. How man must be man. Him start talk bout union...

Bwoy, me frighten, yuh see. But not frighten like when Mammy sen me out in a dark fe look fu Miss Maisy. Not frighten like when me walk tra cane bush with mi cassia stocking.

No man. Me frighten like me see God, right dere, in the bush. And me run, me run, me run till me reach home, and gone sit behind the cistern, with Pilgrim Progress pon mi knee. And me look in the sky, and swear me hear thunder over Barbuda.

(She jumps down form the chest.)

Afta dat, when me gone a Tanty Mattie shop fu buy a two penny bread, me hear dem a sou sou sou. Dem say how him Sista Sybil grandson, and how him come from cane a

Santo Domingo, and he and de workers a burn up de canefield dem. How he come from talking union. How many man and woman hang fu de burning. One man say him steal pon one ship a come back a Antigua. One woman say she hear him have wife and big pickney back in Santo Domingo. Dem say him dis and him dat. 15

(she sits down on the chest.)

Even in me own yard a evening time. When Mr. Man or Brother Josephs come sit pon de verandah, dem talking, talking wit Daddy bout what happening in the cane. And Brotha

Joseph say:

"Me hear ovah Lucia dem stop work a full weekfe a 5 pence wage - and backra

nah waan gi dem. "

And Mr. Man a bawl out:

"But you nun hear dem a run dem outta dem house, say it build pon estate land?

Man, pickney, baby, wife, old people - everybody run out, not a branch fu cover

dem head!"

Brotha. Joseph shoot back:

"But dem mus stand up man!"

And both a dem start in one ruction. Till me hear one loud chuuups from Daddy. Me can hear him teeth still clench ovah him pipe, and him say: 16

"But wah mekyou talk so much foolishness, man? Stand up to lie down? Man

mus stop work for estate. A man must own him land, man. Den him naah beg

nobody a shilling na 5 pence!

And dem quiet, till Brotha. Joseph chime in:

"But how you mean, man? You own land? Is not dem same estate man you a lease

land from?"

And me feel a chill, right down me body when Daddy chair squeak as he rock pon de verandah, and him say:

"Everything has a season under the sun.

(She lies down on her back on the chest.)

A season to laugh, a season to weep. A season to be born, a season to...

(She rises up and walks back to the body. She picks up the stockings and strains to

pull them up the legs of the body.) 17

Those days, nothing but work and labour.. .Now? chuups... ungrateful... wuthless.. .say it modern time with.. .motor car and cinema.. .young people.. .fu traipse back.. .foreday morning.. .but who don't hear will...

(She stops. She lifts the sheet over the torso and lays her hands briefly. She picks up

the jar and rubs the torso with the aloe.)

I mean, I was just fifteen when I tek up with Baptist, but then, fifteen, you likkle, but you

have sense. Then, fifteen like big woman, almost. Me cook, me wash, me care a pickney.

But Daddy nah really want me go out de yard, cept me a go church, or fetch water over

Bram's Bay, or run a shop. And even then, him warn me fu go and turn around, don't

linger out dey. Not like me coulda linger. Brotha. Joseph live down near bridge. Missa

Liza cross road. Sista Sami never leave she front yard. So where me could linger go?

(She steps to the clothes line and takes down the dress, shaking it out.)

Though Sunday, Daddy mek sure all we, from biggest to smallest, go a church,. While

everybody wash dey skin in the basin, me lay out dem church clothes - dress and ribbon

mi Mammy mek me for the girls, a short pants and one a Daddy shirt for the boy. And me

put on one a Mammy pretty frock me keep, that she mek from piece of eyelet cloth that

she cousin send her one Christmas from England. Pretty, pretty blue. 18

(She holds the dress against her and twirls. She turns to the body and begins to slip

one arm at a time through the sleeves.)

You know, first time I wear it, me come out in de yard. Daddy dig round de house. And when him eye see me, him turn way and say "All you hurry, fore Parson start de service."

So we gone out de gate, all 6 a we, and when me turn fu lock it, Daddy back still turn and bent down, passing the back of his hand cross his eyes.

You know why I love Sunday morning? Because no matter where you walk, you hear de singing come from church, from way down yonder.

A mighty fortress is our God, a bulwark never failing

Our helper he amid the flood, of mortal ills prevailing

For still our ancient foe, doth seek to work us woe

His craft and power are great, and armed with cruel hate

On earth is not his equal

As we climb the hill that rise up from the sea, first you see the headstones, then the graves box in concrete, then the chapel. Well, this service, all we don't reach till after opening hymn done, so we end up inna back, a fill up de whole row. And me in the middle so me can shush dem when dem start mek noise. 19

(She turns to the clothes line and removes the gloves.)

So when Parson say dat morning, "And who is amongst us for the first time to worship and praise our Redeemer? " everyone in Chapel turn round, and look pass we in the back row. And I hear one voice behind me:

"Yes. I am Benjamin Baptist, grandson ofSista Sybil. "

Me heart bang me, yuh hear. Jussa bom, bom, bom in my ears. Then Parson raise up: "Oh what fellowship, Oh what joy divine; leaning on the everlasting arms... " Everybody stand up, and shaking hands, "good morning" and "God bless you."

(She slips the gloves onto the hands as she speaks.)

And I'm shaking hands, but me still a watch from the corner of mi eye. Me see he tek

Sista Sybil fu sit in she front row, and Deacon Smith and others come round fe greet him.

Even dat Mrs. Thomas, she fast fu sheself you see, since Mr. Thomas gone a Panama, and nobody a hear from he a tall. She too poppy-show nuh buddy.

Well, wha happen after that, me couldn't tell you. My mind turning like water. All I know Brotha somebody a speak, somebody stand up read lesson, dem pray, dem sit down. Me nah remember one ting, except how me so want fe turn round, but mi frighten somebody woulda tell Daddy how me a stare pon big man inna church service. 20

(She stops speaking, noticing that she is still holding the gloved hand. She

straightens the arms and eases around the table.)

Me ease out a de church, holding Hyacinth hand. When me pass round the back a church, it's so quiet, peaceful. And me look round, at all the graves box. The few that have stone, me know by heart. A fresh one lay out a side a de church. I knew that was Mr. Mills, who pass week before last when he get run ovah by donkey cart. Mr. Mills lova rum, yuh see.

Sometime, yuh hear him out a road, a beat that poor donkey and a cuss bad wud. The donkey mussa get tired a he and nan waan no more beating.

And me member where Miss Maisy bury, a little down from Mills. A wood cross still there, wid she name carve in it and two praying hands. Den beside where I standing, one tiny, tiny grave. Just a box a concrete, no name, no year a born and year a die. Me wondah who it belong to, who leave before dem have a name.

Me strain up me eyes fu look, unda the big tamrind tree a yonder. Daddy say him naah waan Mammy down here so besides the church, too much people pass and disturb her rest. Sides, him say, Mammy love watch de sea, and she cyan't see it good from the foot of de hill, where the water could rise, and wash her away.

You know, since Mammy bury, me nevah go up de hill. But dis morning, what move me?

Maybe the sea that flash behind me. Maybe the sea that roar within me. Me nah know.

Me just tek the baby hand and start climb, up de hill, where the graves come less and the 21 trees come more. Me walk up de hill, Parson voice a fade behind me, till me nuh hear him no more. Jussa hmmm hmmm seep from de congregation.

The tamarind tree call me. Quiet under it, single bible thick thick cross the grave box.

The earth look fresh like it jussa dig, and a new mound at the head where a little aloe plant stood. One like head stone rise up from ground... "for her price is far above rubies... "

When Hyacinth say, "wha dat, Grade? " me sey "isyou Mammy... " Den when me turn round, him coming up behind we...

(She goes back to the body. She ties a ribbon around the ankles.)

Dem tek church land fe build house now. All de house pon dat hill a build pon grave land, pon people final resting place. No more of de cross dem, not even the tamarind tree.

Dem covah ovah Mammy. All the house block de view now. She cyan't see the sea, anymore. Is just Daddy left ovah behind school now. Maybe one day dem would covah ovah he. Maybe, dem will covah ovah me, too...

Humph. But before dem covah me, me have tings to do. People coming. We must look presentable. 22

(She crosses the gloved hands on the chest. One falls and she gently adjusts it so it

stays. She rolls up a towel and props it in place. She turns to the clothes line and

removes the necklace. She fumbles to place it around the neck without lifting the

sheet from the face.)

Him say how me dark and sweet like berry. How me not to fret cause me nah red. Me tell he Daddy always say that's how him know me have sense, cause me dark like mi mammy. But Daddy was red red.

(Her hands hover over the face covered by the sheet. She lifts her hands to her own

face, smoothing the lines.)

Imagine. We could live on an island that name for "old." Sometimes, I feel.. .1 mean, I'm getting on, yes, but a spirit should feel so...

Chuups. Me have time fe lay lay? Devil find work for idle hands.

(She looks down at her hands. She snatches up some of her tools and takes them

back to the chest. She flings the lid open and slams them down into the chest.)

Look. Me nah raise no bad pickney!

(She pauses. She takes out a small white Bible from the chest.) 23

From then, every Sunday, me the 1st up and ready a go church. As me see he, mi back straighten up, my body feel, well me just feel more, round, yuh know.. .more fill up.. .me nah know. Like me could feel me head hair a brush pon my shoulders, me just feel...

.. .dat was a good man, y'hear! Me nah know, is just, dese girls now nah have no bridle.

Is just a whine up a benna music, a wear short skirt, and go whey dem Mammy say no go!

(She paces, Bible in hand.)

Is this these young girl want? Man nah fu know you, so him can call shame pon you, and leave you full up and then gone!

You mus know danger. I know my danger. Why you think me walk with cassie stocking?

Me know man come, see you, and take yuh life fu dem own nastiness.. .Me shoulda gi you two good lick inna you nen-nen. Me talk to you soft, me talk to you hard. You think it's good fe have you name in people mouth!?

When mis was little, mi memba Pinch-U-Money. Bwoy, what a man strange? Anyway,

Pinch-U-Money use to walk bout a chat, to himself, or to you, and just say whatever. And him would just start sing benna song:

Sammy plant piece of corn in a gully 24

And it grow up and kill poor Sammy

Sammy dead, Sammy dead, Sammy dead-o

Heh heeh. Yes, Pinch-U-Money was good fe music, true. But Pinch-U-Money also good fe find out bout melee. Say somebody tief something, Pinch-U-Money go round de village singing:

What a ting, what a ting

What a ting when a bad man bring

One goat him nah own himself

And it tie up in a Jennings

Laawd. Next ting yuh know, whoever lost him goat, done run a Jennings, and come back fe beat up the guilty one dat took him ting. Yes man, Pinch-U-Money nah easy.

Well, say a girl, in the village gwan get sheself pregnant. Pinch-U-Money would walk round a sing sudden like:

Look in de oven dear...Liza

Look in de ovenfo bun...

And by the time the song done, Pinch-U-Money already tell who de faddah, how far she gawn, and sorta ting that mek you haffi ask how Pinch-U-Money come fe know dat? 25

It notfe me, me's a miser

But Brotha Milton buy some

Mi nah joke, buddy. Pinch-U-Money was dangerous, yuh see. One time...

(She stops, listening for something. She runs out to see. False alarm.)

Nobody coming?...No man, people coming. Maybe Parson come soon.

(She takes the white bible to the body and places it under the arm. As she

straightens the clothes, she sings absentmindedly.)

Wash yuh belly. Wash yuh belly...

One part black, two part green bush sop it inna sersie when full moon come

Wash yuh belly, wash yuh belly... (Her hands stop over the belly of the body.) 26

Me did so waan birth baby. One time me say to Aunty Gigi "how I can help woman wid pickney? " But she say women wouldn't want me to birth dem baby, cause wah me

Mammy di do, dem fraid I might have the death hand.

(Her hands come to her own belly.)

One Sunday, Parson preach strong strong. Him almost shake de building, a talk bout

"where can one find a virtuous woman? " bout "woman are the weakness of the flesh.

Man as the head must resist the temptations of woman. " Something in me rumble.

After sermon, him say "And today, we welcome Mrs. Benjamin Baptist and family, joining us for the first time from abroad, Santo Domingo. Now let us all rise in Christian fellowship:

I'm so glad I'm apart

of the family of God...

When me see she, Baptist on one side, 3 pickney and she.. .face favour Johncrow...no,

she was beautiful. She turn and look right at me.. .Me jump up, and run out, mi stomach

come out all over Mammy dress. Me hoi onto de tamarind tree fe keep me from fall

down.

And when me look up, me see the sugar mill, standing watch at the top of the hill. I

memba how Mammy told me how she mammy mammy use to slave in the stone mill. 27

How she use to cry when she tell how she daddy leg get caught in the Mill, but dem wouldn't stop the press. How she daddy blood in the sugar, that gone a Englan, and

France and America. How she daddy die because of sugar cane. How she granny nevah put a sugar in anything afta dat - no cake, no tea. She always say "You nah see how sweet kill me Daddy. Nah put no blood inna me something!"

(She talks down to the face, still covered with the sheet.)

Yuh tink dat backra man ova Base mean you something good? Yuh tink dem nah laugh afta yuh when him done wid yuh? Yuh tink dat man ah go tek yuh America fe live wid him white mammy or him white wife? Don't bring noh foolishness to me, hear! Noh bring noh blasted shame ah me eye!

Talk bout love? Yuh no know love a dig out young girl belly and fill it wit dirty seed?

You nuh see whahappen to Miss Mary pickney? She still a wait down dockyard fu sailor fe come pick 'ar up fe tek har go Englan! Love? Dem nuh love you! Yuh nah hear backra kill you poopa?

(She runs to grab the candles, and places them around the body.)

Me see de blaze in my sleep, back a Aunty yard. My dream was yellow, den red, hot hot.

I was dancing on coals in hell. Me was running and running and running tru burning 28 grass, high as mi head, mi arm dem stretch out, to keep the fire from licking mi face.

And when at last me fling open the firey bush, him lay at me feet, a bun. Paaow!

Me jump up! All me hear is "Fiyaaaah!" The sky a light up like it bleeding. Me run out de back. Aunty Gigi already out dey in de yard. The road fill up wit people.

"Striiike!" me hear somebody bawl out. Some people a run towards the cane field. The heat throw dem back.

"Bring watah!"

"Where dem dey?"

Den we hear one shot! One, two. One, two tree! The place a go mad. Whole heapa man running out de cane bush a burn behind dem. Me see Sista Sybil a stand at she verandah, but me nah see Baptist.

When dem bring him out, him so burn up, dem couldn't recognize him. Is like skin just

melt on him bones. Dem cyan't wait for nobady fe come from Potters, or even Jennings

to come wash de body. It cyan't stand even one hour. Dem send Aunty Gigi fe come look

fume. 29

When me walk inna Sista Sybil house, de wife start a wail, a come fe jump pon me. Dem hold her back, and pull her into de yard. Sista Sybil say, "is only you left, so is onlyyuh

can bade him." She leave de room, flies coming through de window fast fast. I know I must hurry, I know I only have time to wrap him in a sheet, and douse him wit Mammy

oil. I work quick, me eye almost close shut. Me cyan't look pon him. I pretend me nah

know dis man a burn up like ember before me. Nobady can help me, so me must do it

myself.

When dem come in, dem nah look left at me, nor right. Dem come a tek Baptist, quick

quick to de burial ground. Me watch as the donkey cart pull way, and de people walk

after it, left me in de yard.

(She runs around the basin.)

The Bay call me. The Bay call me, and me run ah Devil Bay. Me run a Devil Bay, grass

high up me leg. Me run a de rock, dat stand on top the hell of sea. And as me look down,

down, me hear crying, me hear a wail, a bawling coming from the sea, the roar of the

crying, the mourning, the bodies hitting the rocks, the water drowning the screams, the

sucking sea, where mumma fling dem baby, still wrap up in dem bunting cloth, from the

seawalls! And me spread out my arms so, and me lean in and me feel de pull, me feel the

cold spray prick mi face, me hear somebody a beg me fu come, a beg me fu go back, but

me must join dem, and me shut mi eye and me feel the baby a thump inna me belly, an

me want jus go... 30

And me nah open me eye dem, me shut me eye tight tight, the salt water burning me, and mi hear my name, again and again, and again and me tink me did jump but.. .Mammy.

Mammy stand up in front a me. Mammy stand up a spread she arms so... Mammy...

Mammyyy! Mammyyyy.

(She falls back, in the agony of labour, scared, frantic. She opens her legs, crying

"Mammy, help me." She squeezes life from between her thighs. She pushes, she

struggles.)

Giiiirl!

(She gets up to her feet, and rushes back to the table. Taking a breath, she lifts the sheet, revealing the face of a young woman. She rubs her hands all over the face, the

eyes, the mouth. She closes the eyes, takes the two coins from her pocket and lays

them on the eyelids.)

(She pours oil from the bottle and anoints the head. She turns to the clothesline,

takes the scarf and hat, returns to the table and fixes them onto the head of the

young woman. She brushes her hair with her fingers. Stepping to the chest, she

removes a long stemmed rose. She returns to the table and places in on the young

woman's chest.) Today I bade you daughter? Who go bade me?

(Lights down.) 32

ACT II

(On the stage, a small table with a telephone, a chair beside it. A small stack of magazines sits next to the phone. There is an empty clothes line and a cot. A suitcase

lies open on the floor.

The phone rings. A young woman, GLORIAH, picks it up immediately.)

Hello!...What?...Operator?...Yes, I accep...Mommy, wha happen?...Yes, yes, how you do?...Yes, everything good.. .But, Mommy why you call so fas, nuh? A just last week.. .Wha? What dream?...Fish? (sucks her teeth.) No Mommy.. .1 know I have pickney home.. .1 come to work, you don't think I know that. It's not me on my knees every day till night come?...No Mommy, I'm not giving you rudeness, I'm just saying.. .Mommy.. .Mommy, look, me haf fu go.. .No, I going to... work.. .Yes.. .next month.. .look for bout fifty, alright?...Okay, I gone.. .Mommy? She behaving?...Tell she...tell she I say...Mommy?...Look, I gone.

(She hangs up and sucks her teeth.)

Chuuupss. Why people think I make of money, eeh? Dem feel collec call is free? This is

Canada, you know. Nothing free.

(She jumps up and paces, looking at the phone.) 33

Why dese people won't call, eeh? Christ, I hope dem nevah try get through an the phone busy! What happen if dem call, and dem nah get me? Suppose dem nah call back?

Suppose dem think...

(She taps the phone, lightly. She picks it up quickly to check for a dial tone, and

hangs it back up.)

Good.

(She sits back down next to the phone.)

You think it's right dese people should run my blood to water? I'm a young young

woman, you know. I should go through this crap?

Forty months! Forty! I work, I work, I labour. You think dem should just turn round and

tell me dis?

(She picks up a letter from the phone table.)

"We regret to inform you..." You regret? Cho.

(She continues to read.) 34

Ten days? Ten days to.. .What these people tek me for, eeh? Me a obeah woman? I can just "boomph" and conjure up whatever dem ask me? Me know anybody here so? Dese

people are ridiculous!

(She throws down the paper and stares at the phone again.)

Why you not ringing, hm? What, you don't want me here? You don't want me to dirty

your likkle lily white country, huh? Think I'll soil up your snow...

(She catches herself.)

Oh shit. I sounding like Otis, now. Sorry Canada. Me never mean it. Forgive me. I don't

mind soiling up your snow. Just don't send me...

(She slumps back in the chair. She picks up a SPEAR magazine off the table, and

flips through it.)

See! This is what I'm saying! "New Comers Advise Others to Stay Back Home? " Lemme

put down this before me lose my panty, yuh see.

(She throws magazine back down, then picks it back up, finding the page.) 35

"When several recent comers to Toronto were polled last month about what

advise they would have for family and friends back home who enquired about

coming to Canada, the resounding majority responded 'Stay home.

Chuups (sucks her teeth.) Stay home? Stay home and what? Tend ground? Pen goat?

Dem come up here and dat's the best dese people can do? What a ting!

(She continues reading.)

"Many stopped outside ofBathurst Station on the busy Saturday morning, were

clear that poor working conditions, difficulty obtaining housing, high expenses,

and racist attitudes towards West Indians were the main reasons why they would

warn those back home not to come to this country!"

(The phone rings. She jumps, startled. She snaps up the receiver.)

Hello?...Doreen? Wha happen, girl? Look me cyan talk, right now... What?...Dance, where?...Naw man, me nah able with Soul Shack tonight. Me have too much goin.. .Wha? Me nevah know Sparrow coming tonight! How you never tell me?!...You think I don't know it's Caribana Carnival, but, Lawd.. .Sparrow! WhaahL.Yeah man, it go be sweet bad, man.. .Mas, play mas, Mas in yah mas, play mas, oh Lord! ...But me cyan go.. .Me cyan't even chat bout it right now, but it bad, bad.. .Doreen me haffi hang up.. .Yes I'm sure.. .Me gone, man, me gone.. .Have a nice.. .time. 36

(She puts down phone, and stares at it. One foot begins to move, then a hum, then

she sings.)

"Even when I'm feeling home sick

Even when I'm tired roam

Just gimme me calypso music

Toronto is my home... "

(She gets up and starts to dance a calypso step.)

"I say mas, play mas

Mas in yah mas

Play mas..."

(She starts a serious whine to her own music. She falls back, energy spent.)

Man, you mean to tell me me haffi miss Sparrow, tonight, here? Cho, why Doreen even haffi call me, eeh? At least, if I don't know I missing, then I won't miss it! Hmph!

And notice, she nevah even poops to say "Oh, wha happen? Lemme come look for you. "

No. She just flups, drop Sparrow pon me, and she gone, alia dem, a gone party at Soul

Shack. You think it's fair? 37

Well, Mommy always say, friend only good as far as you can throw them. And Doreen so thick, me cyan throw her too far, heh heeeh.

Doreen love sheself, you see. Love a wear tight tight clothes, say dem show off she

figure. But I tell you, Doreen don't have to wear tight clothes to show off dat figure, at

all, at all. And hear she, calling herself a wear Afro hair now. When I meet Doreen, she

had a nice nice head a hair, almost down here so, like she have coolie in she bloodstream.

Other day, me meet her over Honest Ed, and she head chop off so. Round round like the

moon turn black. And me say "Doreen, what happen to your head top!" And she come

tell me some long saga story bout how we must love our hair, and no more hot comb for

her, no more burn ear for her, no more honky style for her. And I just say "wellyou best give me your hot comb, cause it's me and a press up tonight!"

Anyway, I didn't have time to stop and mess with Doreen, 'cause I had to hurry home

and get ready for my date. That's right, I had a baaad dress I fixed up that dat wench me

work for was about to throw way, say she giving Salvation Army. You ever hear

anything go so? And she wear it once, one time. These people are wasteful, you see. But

me, me just dig out de dress, chop off the whola de bottom part, till it reach me like so.

(touches her upper thigh.) Then me tek off de sleeve, and mek one into one collar, open

up de neck, hem it up good good, with my own two hand.

(She darts to the suitcase, pulls out a stylish yellow dress. She holds it up to her

body, modeling it.) 38

Hmph, if you see how she look when I come down in that dress on my Thursday night off. She and him a sit down at them long table a eat dinna, some likkle dega dega thing she say cook, because I am not cooking on Thursdays. And when me pass the dining room door, she call me, and have nerve to ask me, what time am I coming back into "our house. " Imagine. Me, big woman, already birth pickney, and she nah birth a one, asking me what time I am coming back. But me just hold my tongue see, and I tell her, "not too late, missis."

Bwoy, what some woman will put up with to get called "Mrs." For I don't know if she even hear me, cause all I see is she a stare at she husband cross de table And I turn my eye so to see what she looking at, and all / see is him two eye on my two leg dem.

Chuups. Me just branglang out there you see. Me nah able with these people, at all. I don't want none of that jive.

Anyways, I run down to meet Otis at Christie Station. Him tell me him want tek me to some new club call 318, where lots of 'Merican - his "soul brothas" - go. And I'm ready to shake this money maker.. .you know that's right.

And when him see me, boy, him just smile, and call me his West Indian Sunshine.

Him nevah even comment on my hair, that night - always talking about Black dis and dat

- when you gone come to the Black side, sista? Him just smile me ovah. And me forget all bout dem back dere, and stay out.. .all night. Aaall night... 39

(She hugs the dress to her body.)

You think woman should be shame.. .of pleasing? I mean, alright.. .when I was growing up, I don't know. I guess I always thought, you know, them things was to hide.. .well, now I'm young, single, ready to mingle!

(She dances to the clothesline and hangs up the dress, singing to herself.)

Spsss.

(She turns her head as if called.)

"Spsss...Nice girl. " That's what they use to call you, when them spsssss after you...

"Hey, nice girl" when me and my friend walk down by the bridge.

(She grabs the stack of magazines from the phone table, holds them against her

chest.)

You walking home in your uniform, fresh and press, with your bag, and your book and

hair ribbon. And all you hear is "spssss, nice girl. "

And it's like an ocean stand between me and the end of the bridge, between where they

stand and where I walk. Them there, perch like cock on the side of the bridge, with the 40 stream passing swift swift underneath them. And if you look left, and if you look right, if you nah look straight and you don't look down, you are not a "Nice Girl."

And just let Miss Maubeen catch you look up or side from she piece of mango stand by the bridge end, by the time your foot reach your yard, a pure licks for you, because she done send tell your Mammy you are not a nice girl. If your foot even pause to stop, if the side of your lip just twitch so like you even thinking to smile, she done tell you let them worthless boy man-handle you down by bridge, how you lay-lay with them no-manners boys them, a sashay yourself. How you a play too much woman.

So me? I don't stop, and I don't look. But them still a call me: "Spssss. Nice girl."

(She drops the magazines on the table, steps back to suitcase and pulls out a fringed

suede vest as she speaks. She shakes it out as she moves to hang it on the line.)

But see me, I don't want none of dat rude boy business. I studying my CSC, so I can go

college when me finish high school. Two girls from my village done gone on scholarship

- one go a Jamaica, one go a England. Me, I want go to. But me, I want go New York,

yes man. I don't want go where Queen Elizabeth deh dey. I want go where I can see my

favorite, like Sam Cook, ooooh, Lawd. (sings and dances with the vest) "Cupid, draw

back your bow." Mercy. I see a picture wid Sam Cook inna New York, with heapa girls

in short skirt, and pretty, pretty hair style, nice shoes, nice bag, Lawd, high high building

behind dem jussa touch the sky while him a sigh autograph. Wah, dem look rich yuh see. 41

So I already makes my plan to go a New York a look for Sam Cooke. Yes man, I don't have no time to study dem fool fool bwoy when Sam a wait fu me inna America. Bout

"nice girl..."

(The phone rings. She rushes to pick it up.)

Hello!...who?...Darla? Sorry, you have the wrong...pardon?...you're doing what?...well if you're doing that nastiness, what you hiding for? You mustn't have much to see. Chuups!

(She slams down the phone.)

Pig!

(She shoves her arms into the vest, and flops down into the chair, waiting. She

springs up and moves to the suitcase. She pulls out a book, Wretched of the Earth, flipping through it as she strides back to the chair. She puts the book to her face and

reads to herself. Ser crossed legs start moving to an internal rhythm, her voice

picking up volume.)

Ungawa -Black Power, Ungawa - Black Power! Man. That's what I'm talking about.

African Liberation Day ovah Christie Park - oh sorry - Henson-Garvey Park!

(She stands up and starts marching.) 42

Everybody put up dem fist a move it up and down. Bwoy, it was exciting. I mean, my heart just fill up with this, thing, you know, like I feel very powered. All the people, all them Black people, filling up the park. You did feel like we're the only people in the world, like nobody could beat yuh. Like a new day come. A new day.. .come to tink of it.. .everybody did look sorta new. I mean all the girls them a wear new Afro-dress, and high high hair. The man too. Everybody just look, beautiful, and black and beautiful...

But you know, it's one thing that day that did hurt me, you see. Dem call one woman fe

come up to de stage dem have set up in de park. And de woman face wet down in tears, but she speech sound strong strong. And me hear dem whispah near me how she son

name Michael Habbib, 15 years old, lickle bwoy actually, that some white man gun down

over near a Don Mills, a say him gwan shoot the first nigger him see. Him shot de bwoy.

Cold blood. Dead. Wickedness, man. The crowd voice just raise up. Me vex yuh see.

And then them say we ago march from Christie Park to Queens Park, and we just tek to

the streets. And one sista wit a bullhorn start up: "No justice!" and we all say "No peace!" Bwoy, me did feel like me pon TV, like when yuh see Martin Lutha and dem

Black Pantha a march. "Powerrr to the people - Power!"

And all dem policeman a just screw, a hold dem baton and put dem hand pon dem holster

a watch we, but we just pass thru dem like say we Moses and dem is pharaoh - and you

know that's right! 43

(The phone rings. She jumps and snatches it up before the second ring.)

Muthafucka, didn't I tell you not to.. .Hello.. .a what?...oh sorry, yes.. .Mommy! I didn't tell you I was going.. .wha you mean?...Look, put she on the phone!...Then run call her nuh, but hurry, this is colle.. .1 know your knees Mommy.. .just stretch out your head and...

(She waits impatiently holding the phone to her ear.)

Wha you mean she nah come? You tell her I am her mother, and get to the phone right now!...Mommy, me cyan deal wit dis right now. Just lick she when she come back.. .What uniform? She nah just get new one last term?...high school, already?...No man, me nah forget, it just, time go so.. .Mommy look. Me a hang up de phone now.. .because it cost money.. .Mommy.. .stop fret nuh.. .Me call you later, alright.. .tell her me say behave, or me nah send for she when she get big, hear.. .yes.. .yes.. .me gone...

(She hangs up the phone. She walks to the suit case and drops the book back in it.)

Uniform, school shoes, school fee. Just Christmas past, me send a big barrel full up of something, and look already. How me gwan get ahead like this?

(She rummages through the suitcase. She comes up with a photo of a young girl.) 44

High school? So quick? You mean to tell me it's been that long?

(She silently counts on her fingers, almost reaching a full hand. She looks at the

suitcase, then kicks it with her foot.)

Look at me!

See, when I get my landed, I tell you, nobody go mek me feel like me homeless again, y'hear.

All me want do is.. .have a life! Is that too much to ask for? Go a school, get my nurse's aid, maybe go a college, become a nurse full out, work in one a dem big hospital down a

University Avenue, wear me white stocking and white shoes, like a respectable woman, yes.

And just watch, once that happen, me a do it - come a citizen, man, Canadian, eh? Big tings. Me already done practice my acceptance - me read it inna de library and me learns it words fe word.

(She stands in centre stage, hand over her heart.) 45

I swear (or affirm) that I will be faithful

and bear true allegiance to Her Majesty

Queen Elizabeth the Second, Queen of Canada,

Her Heirs and Successors, and that I will faithfully

observe the laws of Canada

and fulfill my duties as a Canadian citizen.

You know, I always wonder - when me likkle, a one picture of the Queen was on the wall at school. Each morning we must stand up inna school hall and sing "God Save Our

Gracious Queen." Then why, if I'm already a subject of the Queen, now I have to swear to she and all she heirs when we already dey deh? Hmm?

I wonder if it's waste a wasting my time these people doing, a try fool we? How comes I

am not a subject of the Queen, now, ee? Sounds like a whole buncha jive to me.

(She hums, God save our Gracious Queen, mixed with Ungawa - Black Power. She

picks up the letter from the table. Her voice fades as she reads to herself.)

"We regret to inform you... "

(She crumples the letter and throws it down.) 46

Plenty job inna Canada, yuh know! And dem nah even waan give me one? Them things ain't right, blood.

Yes man, me hear dem. When dem have dem "dinner party," plenty drink, drink, drink and just some little degga degga food, dem call "finger food." Chuups. Bwoy, when liquor fever tek dem, I hear dem:

(She perches a the side of the chair, pretends to hold a cocktail glass.)

• So John, what do you think of Pierre's latest?

• This Trudeau-mania, bleeding heart bullshit, it's got to stop.

• Bleeding heart? Well, truly dear, you have to admit we 're in the best economic

shape we've been in for years.

• Is money worth morality? Don't quote me on that, (he he) But seriously, look at

this mess he's gotten us into. This French thing,.. Now these damn immigrants...

• It is getting to be a bit much. But I guess these French, well they were here first, I

suppose.

• My dear, it's high time you learn. It's not about who was here first. It's about

who's here now... Who's ever heard of "one nation, many cultures? " It's

ridiculous. We '11 be the laughing stock of the free world!

And me just like, eh eh. How you go talk bout my man Pierre! All dese what you call, conservatives, waan say how he giving way de country to foreigners! Imagine that! Give 47 away? People come here fe work! Fe do what dese same white conservative people don't want do! Dem nah give me a damn thing!

(She picks up the crumpled letter, begins to smooth it out on her knees.)

You know, me nah really get this. Who owns the earth?...Ah nah God? How man can put up border and say who can live here and who can't live dere? Me nah get it man.

"The meek shall inheirit the earth." Hm. No, the wretched will inherit the earth.

(She returns to the suitcase and takes out the book. She props it up against the table.

She checks her watch. She walks around the table and sings quietly to herself.)

Now that you 're gone

All that's left is a band of gold

All that's left of the dreams I hold

is a band of gold

and the memories of what love could be...

(She looks longingly at the phone.)

Otis. Wha haapen to you, man? 48

He gave me a poster - of dat woman, Davis, with the high high hair. Him say "this could be you, one day. " Me just cut me eye pon him, but truly, I like she, how she look. She have space teeth like mine. She not smiling tho, she mouth open at a microphone. She look fierce, buddy. So me put it up on the wall in my room, down in the basement, near the washing room.

Few days later, me come home from the grocery, it gone. Just gone. Me stand there and me tink, then me go back upstairs to the kitchen where Missis in there, a drink she coffee.

I say "Miss, something seems to be missing in my room..." And hear she: "How dare you, bring that filth into my house. I will not have such...things in my home, and if you 're

not careful, Gloriah, you won't be here for long either...tell me, is that what you 're really

about? Because that radical misbehavior is what gets people sent back to wherever you

came from, you know, " and blah blah blah. Then she just turn back to she coffee.

(She takes off the vest and moves to pack it away in the suitcase.)

Next day, when I'm putting out the garbage, me find Angela on top de trash, tear straight

cross she face, her mouth in 2 pieces, her hair rip up, crumple, almost in shreds.. .Me just

slam de covah down, cause me couldn't stand to see Angela mash down so.

(She closes the suitcase.) 49

Well next day, as soon as she leave the house, I went straight down to Bathurst, and that's when I got it, my brand new, naturally synthetic Afro-wig.. .Only $45.99. Lemme get it...

(She flips open the suitcase, and pulls out a humungous Afro wig.)

Ain't this baad? And I wore it to work too, everyday.. .1 say, they can control what's on their walls, but not what's on my head.

(She pulls on the 'fro wig.)

You shoulda see when she come down the next morning. "Good morning, miss. "

(She struts around, pretends to serve coffee in her Afro wig, feeling powerful.)

She frighten yuh see!

(She laughs to herself, then slips the wig from her head. She takes it to hang on the

clothesline.)

Well Doreen tell me she hear some girls having a meeting, the women who come on the scheme come together, talk bout how dem get treat inna de house, and wha happen when 50 de man try feel you up, or de wages make you not even have enough to send a likkle bit home. But what I waan hear is this thing bout applying for your landed.

So the day I went, a woman at the front there talking bout how to take your complaints to

Manpower. So I stand up and say:

They always talking bout, go down Manpower. But I say we need some

Womanpowerfu we 'cause Manpower nah interested in our cause.

If you see how de people dem a stand up and mek noise, so me continue:

The proof of success lies in the whole social structure being changed from the

bottom up.

(She grabs the book from under the table and stands on the chair, holding it above

her head.)

The extraordinary importance of this change is that it's willed, called for,

demanded. In the words of Mao, "genuine equality for women can only be

realized in the process of the transformation of society as a whole. " We've been

took, hoodwinked, bamboozled! Who can survive on $50 a week? Something's

wrong sisters! 51

(She jumps down from the chair.)

Afta that, everybody a crowd round me, a tell me them problem - immigration say them can't bring them kids, them employer a hole back wages fe room and board, all sorta a madness. But one girl show we how she bout to get married. She and she boyfriend she meet up here decide when she work permit done, him go sponsor her as him wife.

So, next time I see Otis, I ask him, if he ever got his status, would he ever think about marrying, so I could stay here with him. Him hem and him hah, bout it's not the right time and besides him nah believe in this white man's construct, marriage - a barbaric institutionalized economic practice intended to imprison and restrict the seed of the

Black man to prevent him from being fruitful and multiplying the Black race.

(She stares at him in disbelief.)

Well, let's start multiply nuh. You don't want us to be together?

And him start bout my people need me at home, not here working in some white man's kitchen, besides, we should be at home building up our own countries...

Well, I say, what you doing here, then? 52

/ have no choice sister. It is my duty as a Black man to resist the racist war waged

against the Vietnamese people by the American military complex. Besides, no

Vietcong never called me nigger.

You don't think they call me nigger here too? I watch news. I see all dem big demonstration, all those people marching gainst the war. Why you not down there with dem a fight? Sounds like I'm not the only one running away from something, Brothal

Him mouth stop. After that, me nah hear from Otis again.

(She picks up the letter from the table.)

"We regret to inform you? " Alright, well check this, baby.

(She picks up the phone and shouts into it.)

It's time for me, man. It's time for me to live. Not for Mommy. Not for the girl. Not for

Missis. Not for Otis. Not for nobody and not for g-damn Mr. Immigration, you hear me!

I gotta "Get Up! Get on up!"

(She slams the phone down, jumps up and dances to the clothesline. She takes down

the yellow dress and pulls it over her head. She slips into high heeled shoes. 53

She snaps a stocking cap over her head and pulls out the Afro-wig. She puts it like a

crown on her head. She smoothes a layer of lipstick on her lips. She clip clops and

sashays out singing "Mas, play mas." The door slams. The phone rings.) 54

ACT III

(A dim light illuminates the stage. A confined space, 7 by 7 concrete box, holds a low cot, a toilet and a sink. A video camera is in the ceiling. A young woman,

JOY, sleeps curled up on the mattress, with no sheet.

A buzzer blasts. She jumps up, disoriented. She's wearing a one piece paper jump suit. She sits at the edge of the cot, before she moves towards the sink, feet bare. She

looks in the brushed steel mirror.)

Do you see any grays in there? Look.. .right there.

(She twists and turns, trying to see her scalp in the mirror.)

I look for 'em everyday, when I find one I pluck it out. These mirrors, it's too hard to see in them though - they're too cloudy and old - smoky. Maybe that's better though. It's hard to see your beauty in 'em, fix your face up good - but - it's harder to see the lines too. So...

Guess what.. .it's my birthday today. Yeah. Dirty Thirty.. .wow...

I remember, back at the beginning, one of the old timers told me "stop thinking. It only makes the time longer to do, eh? " 55

But when I don't think, I get lulled, and when I get lulled, I get comfortable, and when I get comfortable, I go to sleep. And when I sleep.. .It's time to wake up.

(She starts stretching, humming the birthday song under her breath..)

My 18th b/day? Now that was a jam. Me and all my girls - we use to call ourselves the

One Drop Posse, cause we'd always be there in the middle of the jam, ready every time the DJ dropped a next tune. You see all them other girls, usta go to jams in high heels and shit, but not us. Pure sneakers and rags, man, cause we didn't come to pose, we came to partay!!

(She starts doing jumping jacks. It turns into the "Roger Rabbit.")

You know where usta be the lick? Concert Hall. Oh my God. I'm telling you. I saw everybody there - KRS, Big Daddy Kane, Latifah, P.E.. .the real shit. These kids nowadays don't know. Music was like, more, you know, conscious, more real. Well, not everything, but, not all this shoot 'em up, bang, bang I hear's going on, out there.

One summer, I went to New York, and came back with like the crown, and some big beads. Of course, I was rolling my gold door knocker earrings - guy told me they were gold - and two months, they turn my ears-hole green!

(She does side bends.) 56

I even use to rap a little.. .1 mean it, don't laugh. I tried a little thing. We all had names -

Q.T. was the cutest, Jen E. Luv was the sexiest, Lyrics - she was the shit starter. Every time we go somewhere, she have to get in something with somebody. That girl was a trip.. .What they call me - Super J. I'm not kidding.

I don't even think I remember any of my rhymes. Lemme see:

Reset, the girl who know all your secrets

I dissect your lyrical styles, your weakness

Some call me your highness, some call me your freakness

But I call the battle when I rip you to pieces

Men they love me, girls they run scared

Anybody try to test, I come prepared

So whutyou gonna...

So what you...

So...so whut...

(She stops, goes back to the cot, and lies on her side.)

I can't remember anymore.. .It's so long ago.

(She starts counting on her fingers, loses count, then starts again. She gives up and

turns back on her side.) 57

What time is it?

(She jumps up.)

They better hurry up or else visit'll be over, and they'll have to come back tomorrow.. .or next week...You know, I bet you it's the guards, man. Their always fucking with me. Try to mess up my visits, (she yells up to the video camera) You tell them you need something now, they think it means next year. HELLO!

(She bangs on the wall.)

Hello! Hey, out there. Don't forget about me, eh! Heeey!

(She stops.)

I remember when you couldn't even say "hello." Just "peace" cause "hello is hell below."

But Peace is not the word to play.

(She bangs on the wall again. It turns into a beat.)

PEEEACE!

(She starts pacing the perimeter of the cell.) 58

When I was little, right, I always use to think when the millennium changed, I'd be thirty.

Thirty.

I couldn't see beyond that, though. It was always dark. That's why I know the world's gonna end. I really do.

Okay, look at it. Bible says 2000 years, devil's reign, Jesus comes back. Yeah, I read.. .sometimes.. .when they let me. I haven't seen TV in a while, but I hear them talking. Y2K, yeah. All the chips, destructing, computers. The end of the world.

(She gets down and starts doing sit ups.)

I use to watch the Ansaars. Yeah, dressed in white on Yonge Street. I read the books.

"The Year 2000." "666 Leviathan." I know this stuff. They use to school me too, until I

asked them how come there was no sisters on the street, selling, talking to the people.

Why they had to wear veils and stuff.

(She stops.)

After that, they stopped talking to me too tough.

(She starts the sit ups again.) 59

But even before that, since I was little, I never thought, I couldn't think, couldn't imagine what lay beyond it, beyond the day when the year turned into the 2000's .. .a new time.. .1 couldn't see me...

(She falls back, and lays spread eagled on the floor.)

I use to just watch her sleep. At night, I'd creep in, to make sure I heard her breathing,

saw her chest rising, then I could go to sleep.

I always wanted her to be warm, pull her covers up to her ears. But no matter how tight I

wrapped her up, the covers would be loose by morning, sometimes her foot on the floor, broken loose from all my loving.

(She gets up and goes to the sink. She turns on the water and washes her face. She

tries to wipe her face in her sleeve. She opens the paper suit, and wipes her face with

the undershirt underneath.)

Did you ever have a towel?

(She pulls her undershirt over her head, letting it hang like hair on her head.)

Or a shirt? (primping her "hair") 60

(She begins humming an old funk groove, "Genius of Love." She starts dancing in

the mirror.)

I remember this. Put it up like this...

(She pulls the hair back into a pony tail, then puts it to the side in a side-tail. She chants.)

What you gonna do when you get outtajail

I'm gonna have some fun

What do you consider fun

Fun, natural fun...

(She starts a soultrain line, strolling down the middle, flinging her ponytail. She

slows down.)

Sunday. That's hair day. After church, after dinner - always early after church.

(She bends over, as if her head was under a sink.)

Her fingers are firm, I could feel the skin on my scalp moving, scrubbing away last week's rows, dissolving into the water. Last week disappeared in her hands, and down the sink. 61

She'd tap me on the shoulder, and raise me up, a towel flung over my head. She'd wrap me up, tight, my eyebrows would go up, high under the terry cloth, and she'd twist it and tuck. She went to get the grease; I went to look into her mirror. My crown, high on my head. I thought I was a queen, my neck stood so high. I'd see how I looked like her.

She'd come back and I would sit between her knees.

(She sits with her back rested against the cot.)

She never speaks to me, she just hums, under her breath, in her breath actually, she's

humming a breath, or breathing her hum. And the comb, hovers, ready set, part, smooth

through the thickness. And every time, she says "bwoy, you head thick, ee. " And after

that, nothing. Just the hum, the comb breaking through the blackness, cracking, flinging

droplets of water over my arms. I look down, she pulls me back up, my shoulders slump,

she knocks on my shoulders with the comb. I try to straighten up, and end up resting in

the cocoon of her thighs.

Mom always did hook me up. Styles? Intricate roads carved into my soul...

(She slips the shirt from her head.)

I never wanted to be my mother. I never wanted to be her. I mean, I respected her, I

guess, but.. .Look, I had other dreams, I mean how long can I hear this, everything I did for you speech, and I look at you and I'm thinking, yeah, but what did you do for 62 yourself. I never told her don't have nobody, I never told her work two jobs. I never even told her I wanted to go to college or university, or whatever. Well, I wanted to go, but only so I would have a different life. I just didn't believe in everything she did, I didn't believe that everything rested on me.

(She sits up on the cot.)

So I stopped standing up for 'O Canada.'

I told that principal - yo guy, this is not my home and native land. It's the land of the

natives.. .you can't make me stand on guard for thee.

(She stands up and walks to the middle of the stage.)

When I get home, my mom's already got word all about it. She asks me "what

happened" and tell her "look Mom, this is not my native land..."

(SLAP)

Where were you born?

(SLAP)

Where were you born?

Canada... 63

Well, I don't know where you think you is, or who you think is, but I send you to

school to get an education not play the fool and act no mannas. Dem send home a

bill fu you school fee?

No.

You havefe tek money a pay a school uniform?... Answer me!

No!

Then don't - let- me - evah hear you do dat chupidness again, y 'hear me. You

think you white? Dem cyan do any foolishness, and end up prime minister

tomorrow. What you have when dem kick you outta school? Not a dyam ting, so

don't come in here with that bullshit again! Bout not my home and native... me

beat you into tomorrow, me nah care how much big woman you playing! Come

out me eyesight!

(She goes to the cot, and lies down on her side.)

She had pictures, hidden in her closet, faded and sepia. I loved her then. Hip hugging polyester, belly bare, wild and released. She hides these in a closet I search when she's at work, carefully peeling the pages apart, some platformed brother with his arm slung 64

around her neck, the wind splitting her fro in two, gangsta leaning on a bright red gas

guzzler.

Why she won't show me these? Why they don't sit under the coffee table, on the rug with

the seats I'm not supposed to sit in? For guest who rarely come?

(She covers her face with her shirt.)

Mommy always say "you have to work twice as hard to be half as good. " So when I was

getting all the high marks, coming first in like spelling bee, French class, things like that,

I say to myself I guess I'm half now.

(She jumps up from the cot. She moves around he cell carefully, while whispering her

chant.)

Gonna have a baby, gotta get a job

Gonna have a baby, gotta get a job...

(She sits up suddenly on the cot.)

They went for drinks after work. She wasn't by herself. I called, left a message, for him

to pick her up from daycare, I had to work late. They asked me to go. Me. 65

So we sit. First, of course, the talk is about the job - who's great, who's kissing the bosses ass. Some of their jokes, I open my mouth, show my teeth like I'm laughing. I figure if I show my teeth, it will look like I get it. I try to squeeze my stories between theirs. I try to explain when they ask me "so, where are you from? " that I'm really from here, but that my mother is from...

"Wow that's great. Chad and I were down there last year for our honeymoon.

Well, actually we stopped for two hours, on our Caribbean cruise. It was

beautiful. The jerk kabobs were delicious!"

Their convo transforms with the second round. Ties become a little looser, faces a little rosier, eyes shinier. Usually I can only nurse one drink. Today, I order another. Someone quips "well this job's shit, but it's better than what I was doing before, that's for sure.

Ha ha ha."

Everyone starts to compare "you should see what I was doing before this job " stories.

Old dreams and disgraces hover above the liquor. "I was a salesman," "I worked at

Hooters during university. I swear!"

The man across the table from me leans over his scotch, laughter squints his eyes, recalling as his chuckles becomes more choppy now: 66

"I remember...I used to work at this place you know, selling meat. Frozen, door

to door, to all the butchers, eh. And get this. My boss use to tell us, and I'm not

going to censor, "When you sell to the niggers, make sure you offer the red

snapper, because niggers love red snapper. "

I look at him across the pool of glasses. He doesn't wait for me to laugh. He turns to the others, whose shoulders shake, lips wide. And another, who had missed the punch line asks "what was that? " And he raises his voice a little louder in order to be heard over the after work din.

"My boss. He used to tell us when you sell to the niggers, make sure to sell 'em

snapper. Niggers love red snapper. "

(She jumps up and grabs her shirt.)

My coat is in my hand. My purse. I hear "hey, what's her problem" at my back, but I don't see faces any more. Just the glass door, the street behind it, the snow falling in the dark afternoon.

And suddenly, I can't get home quick enough. The train doesn't come fast enough. When it does come, the crowd around me doesn't move into the jammed train, but I squeeze my body into the sea of flesh and coats. And each stop I'm counting. 1, 6, 12, 16, 18.. .and I 67 fall out the doors, rush up the escalator, jam into the bus to take me cross Shepard, moving slow as pain in the stormy rush hour.

And when I push my key into the lock, and close the door behind me, it's quiet. City

News mumbles on the TV. He is sleeping on the couch, and I wonder why I'm out of breath, I wonder what was I rushing for, what was I rushing in from?

Suddenly, I'm tired. I mean really, really tired.

And my baby runs out of her room, holding me. Holding me.. .but I am tired. She tries to

pull me with her, but I tell her "let me put on the dinner, nuh." She's been so clingy

lately. But I'm tired.

I call him to go in and rest, cause he has to go to work in four hours.

(She sits on the sink.)

They kept asking me, they kept asking me - why was my child at home alone? They

asked me - how long had I known Mr. White. They asked me - isn't it true that I'd

known all along what was going on, but when I found out he had another woman, I

wanted revenge, and so I premeditated an attack, took a knife from the kitchen drawers

while Mr. White was sleep, unaware, in his bedroom, and proceeded to stab Mr. White

repeatedly in the irrational rage of a woman scorned! And isn't it true.. .NO! 68

And isn't it true.. .NO! And isn't it true.. .NO!

NO! NO! NO! NO!

(She jumps up from the sink.)

He's lying! He's a fucking liar! Don't you see? He's lying! He's lying! He hurt her! The blood, the blood in her panty, in my baby's panty. I told her. Don't let anybody touch your secret place. She's 5 years old. FIVE! He's a LIAR!

(She tears her suit off her body, slumps down on the floor, holding the suit in her

arms.)

And isn't it true?.. .1 didn't want my baby to live that memory? That memory, that kind of memory kills little girls. Fuck, that memory kills big women. That memory lays with you, at nighttime, eats your brain, your body - till you just have to pretend you can't remember nothing, not a thing. You have to reinvent yourself, you have to kill you, yourself, you have to be born again. .. .that motherfucker stole my child- he made her a woman before her time. She's not supposed to know that, she's not supposed to feel that pain!

I didn't want her to know that pain. I didn't want her to feel his hands the 1st time. I

didn't want her first kiss to see his big man lips. I didn't want her... 69

(She gets up, inches towards the edge of the stage holding the suit, singing softly and

slowly.)

I'm in heaven

With my boyfriend, my laughing boyfriend

There's no beginning and there is no end

Time isn't present in that dimension..

(she stands at the edge of the stage, opens her arms, and watches the suit fall.

she hears the sound of steps on hollow concrete, she runs back to the cot,

lays down on her side, her hands between her knees.

the sound of keys, the lights go bright, then out.)

(spotlight on the cot. a buzzer sounds, the stage goes black.) 70

ACT IV

(On stage, a chair, a table and a clothes line. JAHMILAH leans in a chair, snuggled in a hoodie, head phones around her neck, a writing book, cell phone in her hand. A

ring tone goes off. She checks her cell, chuckles to herself. She pushes the book in to

the pocket of her hoodie. She starts to return the text.)

What you're looking for, a sob story? Well, you best look somewhere else, cause you're not gonna find it ovah here...

No, I don't want no juice.. .No, I don't want no water. I wanna leave. Can I have that?...Yeah right...

How'm I getting along here? Well, lemme see - two girls tried to jack me yesterday for

my shit. Ssomebody stole my lipgloss (and that's just nasty.) The food sucks, and I don't

like you - so whut? I don't like none of these staffs.. .Cause.. .nevah mind.

(She snaps the phone shut.)

I don't know why you're wasting my time, f real. Why you don't call that frigging girl,

what's her name, Richmond Hill girl to your session.. .Yeah Courtney.. .This bitch get on

my nerve, f real.. .Cause I don't like her.. .Okay, tell me this - this chick fully lives in

some big house, right, she has like two parents, and probably a dog and a horse, and she's 71 bawling in Peer Group how they're divorced and she has ADD - what the frig. I don't

even know how that girl got in here, man. Truss me, I'm sitting there thinking -what the

flip is this, man! Girl comes from money, guy. Crying bout how they don't "understand

me." And I'm thinking, you have parents? Two of them? And you 're in a group home?

That's jokes, yo. Truss me, put me in a house, any friggin where, by my muthafuckin

self, I tell you, you wouldn't see me in no group home. These girls are stupid.

.. .What about me? I don't got nothing to say.. .Why? Cause this is bullshit. Y'know how

much places like this I been? You can't say nothing to me I ain't heard already, alright? I

seen it all. Okay, like I this one time...

Hmmph.

(She sucks her teeth, jumps up and goes to the window,)

When they gonna start letting me go outside? Cause I tell you right now, I'm not staying

in here all summer. No fucking way.

Yeah, yeah, I know. Privileges. Well maybe I should start sucking a certain somebody's

dick for some privileges, just like a next somebody on my floor, eh? ...Who? Yeah right,

do your own homework. 72

And speaking of homework, why's school so flipping boring here, man? No, I swear, they trying to kill my brain cells or something, guy. It's foolishness. Why they giving me work like from grade three? I can read you know!

Yeah, I read. A lot. There's nothing else to do here. It's so boring. I hate this.,.

Cause I don't want no friends... Cause you can't trust nobody. People just want you for what they want, then they...

Okay, for instance. Look at you. You gotta job, right? You're probably, what, went to

school, university and all that. Then you come work here, you get paid, right? .. .Okay

tell me this? How much you get paid? ...Why it's none of my business? Aren't I your

client, right? How much they pay you every time you bring me down here? Exactly.

And what's these flipping things?

(She picks up a stack of cards from the table.)

You guys honestly think you can figure out what's in my brain with these stupid

pictures? Okay, well let me save you time. You got your pen? Alright.

(She turns the flash cards towards the audience.) 73

Okay, what do I see?

This one - hmmm, jail. Got that?

(Flips to the next card)

Alright. And this one. The beast.. .Po-po.. .De bwoy dem?...Oh brother, a po-lice of-fi- cer. Jesus.

(She flips to the next card.)

Okay, this is a nice family, in Richmond Hill. The father beats the moms. The moms a

crack head and their daughter's a ho. Then they all sat down to take a nice family picture

to send out at Christmas....

(She turns a white card, with a black line down the middle.)

...Me. This is me.

(She throws down the pile.)

Okay, so you can put all that in my flipping file. Can I go now? 74

(She throws herself back into the chair.)

See! This is why I don't like these places, yo. Pure informers in here! Why these people watching me for? Yeah, I write shit, so what!

I'm not angry. I'm just sick of eyes on me all the time, and the questions, and the questions, and the questions...

Why you keep asking me about my family? I told you. I can't live with my gramma.. .Why? ...Look. I love my gramma alright. I know she did a lot for me, I know all of that, I know it. I just don't wanna hear it every frigging day of my life. I mean, everyday, it's pure quarrel in my house, you know. I do this, I do that. I'm too ungrateful.

I come in too late, I dress too bad. My music too loud. I have no mannas. My friends, frigging everything. She doesn't want me to do nothing. I'm not a baby, you know. You know how long it took before gramma let me go outside. I mean, just in the hallway and shit. Telling me, oh she don't want me to pick up no bad mind from these rude pickanegga! I swear if I hear "see your friends, see yourself" one more time, I'm gonna freak.

I'm like holy moly granny, relax man. Then she's telling me "who don't hear will feel... "

But I'm like gramma, I gotta feel something! I mean, look at Keisha.. .Keisha Cole. Well, anyways, Kiesha's like been through the shit, she been through the life man, truss me, just like me. And see, look, she's big time, right? She got a clothing line, TV show. She 75 got hit songs on the radio every minute...I can't just stay in the house, and don't go outside, and follow granny to church all day on Sunday. I can't do it!

Like this one time, right. I never went to school that day, cause it was so boring, and I had like two supply teachers. So why'm I staying there for? And these girls, they ain't doing nothing, so I say, lemme just go a my yard. So when I walk outside, there's Teyvon on the steps with some the man dem. So he's like hold up, and he run ups and starts walking beside me.

So, we walk cross the field, and then watch, Teyvon says oh, he has a ones, so me and him bun dat. That's the first time I was really like, off the chain. So we get by my building, he's like oh, you 're not inviting me in. So I'm like, for what? He's like to chill with you. So he came in.

So next thing you know, we're upstairs watchin 106 & Park sitting on the couch, getting nuff jokes. And he takes off his ball cap. I bus out laughing, cause this guy's head is ragged, so I'm like you betta come let me give you a braid up. When I touched it, his hair's soft but crazy thick, so I tell him watch, I'm gonna give you a sick braid up. And I tell him come and he sits between my legs.. .against the couch.

I swear, it's like the closest I ever been with a boy, cause at school, in the caf, we always have to stand up when we're doing hair, cause the hall monitors won't let you sit on the tables. 76

Anyways, he takes the remote, and puts on Mixtunes, real low, and we're just quiet. I wanted to be like that forever, so I'm doing the parts really tiny, all kinds of zig zags cross his head. And his eyes are like closed. And he goes / like it when you 're like this.

And I'm like whut? He's like, not tryna be a badd-ass all the time. And I just push his head with the comb. So he turns around and grabs my hand and pulls me down and says, real low like, / really like your lips....

Next thing I see granny fall in the middle of the living room on her knees, guy. I swear

I'm not kidding, she's like praying and all this, then she gets up, come over to me, and starts whapping me with her shoe. I swear, Teyvon was like out a there.

I'm running and ducking, I'm trying to tell her I wasn't doing nothing, but then she just, just dropped it:

Youjussa open up yuh leg demfu any fool a smile pon yuh, and you gon end up

like you mumma, mark me, not worth a damn!

(She pauses, then laughs.)

You think that's true? ... Anyways, I don't care. Maybe it's in the genes, you know.. .1 don't fucking care, anyhow.

(She gets up and goes to the window.) 77

I don't know why, I'm always watching, you know, like cars, passing by. And I'm thinking every single body in there going somewhere, coming from somewhere.

Everybody, one day, ain't gonna be here. We don't come here to stay, you know?

You ever really seen life and death? Lemme show you something, you could be chilling, strictly doing whatever, laughing one second. You could be fixing up your hair, you know, in the mirror in the girls bathroom, you know, you, all your girls, laughing, passing out gum to clear your breath from bunning in the back stall by the window, right, falling down on the floor cause somebody said some crazy, crazy shit, eyes like peeled shut, red like crazy, yo, you know.

(She unzips her hoodie, revealing a bright tank top underneath.)

You know, sometimes I feel like a big person, and sometimes, I feel like a little kid, straight goods, real talk. It's just fucked up, you know. I mean, a kid's supposed to be a kid, right, Not have to grow up too fast.

I been taking care of myself since I was like 15.. .Well, I'm gonna be 16, but that's not the point.. .The point is, sometimes, you don't have nobody.. .Well, except for my girl,

Chante. Truss me, man. You see why I don't take friends, cause these people out here, don't know what it takes to be real. Like take Tay, she had my back. When we go out, I don't have to be fear of nothing. She's like - we're like we stand strong, right. 78

Like check this one time. Me and her, we went up west end to check this guy I had met over Wonderland. He told me come check him, but I'm not going over there by my self, so I told her just come with me, and she came. Watch when we reach, these three girls, right, are standing outside the building. And when we step to go, one of dem come like oh, why'm I in her area, and which man I'm coming to see, and don't be fucking with none of her girl's mans dem. (chuups) Anyways, so I'm ready to like explode of this ghetto bunny like, but even I'm checkin it's like two a we, three of dem, plus we're in they're spot, but I'm like, no way in my mind, but what I'm gonna do? Run?

Anyways, Tay's right behind me, and I just hear her say Yo, you see two girls, just like you, just tryna move, and you 're stepping like that? Fo what? Cause I'm coming to see my grandma? I can't see my grandma, now?

Truss me, then girls look so shame dude, they just hadda pass and let us tru. One of dem I even hear about what floor she live on. But we just keep walking, right into the elevator and right into his yard on the 11* floor. And at the end he's like lemme walk you down, and I'm like nooo thanks.

(She starts fidgeting with her sleeves, pulling them over her hands, rubbing at her

arms.) 79

You can't ever get clean, you know that? No matter what I do. I take like 3 showers a day now. I'm always scrubbing myself, my face, my hands, my body, but it's not rubbing off...

Holy shit! So whut! Why you tripping, for huh?. Why? Cause I do this?

(She yanks up her sleeve to reveal an armful of scars, at various states of

healing.)

Lemme show you something. You don't swallow the amount of pain I have, and don't put that somewhere, you know what I'm saying. So, who's it gonna be?

(She points at the audience, then points at herself.)

You already made your assumption.

I know what they talk about, you know. All dat stuff, in dey meetings, and shit. Oh priority neighborhoods, at risk youths, all that. What are they doing, even more than that, what do they even know bout it?

Okay, check this, right. One a my boys, he got shot last year, right. So watch, when I look in the paper, right, what's the 1st thing these idiots say? Oh, how they don't know if he's known to police - yet. Like, what the fuck. My boy wasn't even involve in all that 80 business. It's pure fuckery. They're already tryna stain him, his name and ting. His moms was pissed yo.

Then watch, so I see they have these two white guys, get shot last year, right. They're on the frickin cover of the Star, or the Sun or whatever, so den, I say, lemme just see what they write about these guys. Oh, how they're from "affluent" neighborhoods, and how they would never be involved in any type of criminal activity, and how they're great guys, and they were targeted for their veichs, and how they were in that spot for an

"innocent" reason. Whatever. Everybody on street know what that shit was about. Them two went to buy a drugs and try to scamp them likkle young guns that sold it to them. No criminal activity? Please.

(She flings back her hoodie off her head.)

I swear, I'm fucking going crazy! You know how it feels? I was there, eh, I saw that shit!

Don't ask me bout no community, I don't believe in black people. Why? Cause they fucking turn they back on you in two seconds.

You don't think I watch the news. I see how they think a us. They act like they even know wha gwan. One second, everybody's crying how she's an innocent, she's a victim and all dis. Next day, it's like, everybody's tryna dig into her past and shit, who's her boyfriend, was she repping Crip, who she hung with and blah blah blah. Who's singing about that? So what. I don't get this. She deserved to get shot? Talking bout, oh does her 81 mom know where she was. She was at fucking school for Christ sakes! What the! ... I can't stand it. They live out there. We live in here. Even people from area. Still judging.

Can't truss it, yo. Can't truss none of dis.

(She pulls the hood back over her head.)

Nah man, dat shit hurts me, yo. I swear, you might as well just take a knife and kill me, cause I can't take no more of this shit. It's so fucking fraud, all a dem. Dey act like we ain't got no feelings, like we can't feel nothing. Dey always tryna figure this shit out, but they ain't no way out. You just gotta survive it, f real.

Why dey always bringing in counselors and shit after something happens? I don't get it.

My 1st day back, they call me down to the office. Pure beast in the hallway, you know, looking everybody up and down. Den they have this lady and some guy in a suit, wit the principal and they're like oh, am I alright and stuff. But me, I'm not saying nothing.

Cause if I open my mouth, if I open my mouth, if I open my mouth I don't know what's gonna jump, you know.

(She slowly zips up her hoodie.)

And she's like anything you want to talk about, we 're here for you. You 're not alone.

And he's like make it easy on yourself. We can talk here, or we 11 have to bring you in for questioning. And I'm there thinking, why'd I even come to school today. Why didn't I just stay home? 82

The last time I went.. .we're in class, well, all a sudden there's this alarm went off, and the principal's on the speaker bout to get down under your desks, get back to your classrooms, no one can leave the school building! All doors are to be locked immediately! And I get down and everybody's making noise like what the fuck, then I feel like this rock in my stomach, and I'm going like.. .1 can't breath, everything's getting dark and...and...and...

(She starts a wailing, a guttural, long-lasting, body wrenching wail.

She reenacts ducking as shots fly. She falls on the floor, covers her head, then crawls

towards her friend, as in a war zone.)

Chante? Chante? Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God...

(She flings off her hoodie, which she holds like a body. She pulls Chante's head up

and holds her up over lap. She tries to cover her chest with her hands. Chante is

heaving. Jahmilah is freaking.)

What's happening?! What's happening! Chante! Chante, don't. Come on. LIVE! LIVE!

Stop it! Oh my God - C! Ceeeee!

(She starts whispering a prayer -Gentle Jesus meek and mild, look upon this little

child - trying to wake Chante at the same time. Soon, it is quiet. Jahmilah holds

Chante, rocks her, closes her eyes, crosses her arms in front of her. Sirens.) 83

What took you so long? What took you so fucking long, huh?

(Spotlight. The stage goes black.)