wish to clarify at the outset that I am going to focus primarily on the ISita of popular imagination rather than the of Tulsi, Balmiki or any other textual or oral version of the Yes to Sita, No to Ram! Ramayan. Therefore, I deliberately refrain from detailed textual analysis. The Continuing Popularity of Sita in India I have focused on how her life is inter- preted and sought to be emulated in today’s context. Madhu Kishwar However, there is no escaping the fact that in north India the Sita of popu- lar imagination has been deeply influ- enced by the Sita of Ramcharit Manas study carried out in Uttar Pradesh, 500 was a 1957 survey. However, Sita con- by Tulsi. In most other versions of boys and 360 girls between the ages tinues to command similar reverence the Ramayan, close companionship of 9 and 22 years were asked to select even today, even among modern edu- and joyful togetherness of the couple the ideal woman from a list of 24 names cated people in India. This paper is a are the most prominent features of the of gods, goddesses, heroes, and hero- preliminary exploration into why Sita Ram-Sita relationship rather than her ines of history. Sita was seen as the continues to exercise such a powerful self-effacing devotion and loyalty ideal woman by an overwhelming pro- grip on popular imagination, especially which have become the hallmark of portion of the respondents. There among women. the modern day stereotype of Sita. were no age or sex differences.1 That The medieval Ramayan of Tulsi marks A Slavish Wife? the transition from Ram and Sita being I grew up thinking of Sita as a presented as an ideal couple to pro- much wronged woman — a slavish wife jecting each of them as an ideal man without a mind of her own. And pre- and woman respectively. cisely for that reason she was not for As a maryada purushottam, Ram’s me a symbol of inspiration, but a warn- conjugal life has to be sacrificed at the ing. She was all that I did not want to altar of “higher” duties. Sita is now be. I naively believed she deserved portrayed in a highly focussed man- her fate for being so weak and sub- ner as an ideal wife who acts as the missive. It was not as though I were moral anchor in a marriage, and stays deliberately and consciously rejecting unswerving in her loyalty and righ- Sita as an ideal. Fortunately, she was teousness no matter how ill-matched never held up as an example for me be her husband’s response. The and, therefore, she did not seem an power of the ideal wife archetype in important reference point — positive Tulsi’s Ramayan overshadows the or negative — in my life. Sita forced happy conjugal life of the couple prior herself on my consciousness only af- to Ram’s rejection of Sita. ter I began working on Manushi. The The Sita image indeed lends itself articles and poems that came to us, es- to diverse appeals which is perhaps pecially those for the Hindi edition, why it has continued to hold sway showed an obsessive involvement over the minds of the people of India with Sita and her fire ordeal over the centuries. For instance, in a (agnipariksha). My impression is that 80 to 90 per- This article has been extracted from a cent of the poems that came to us for longer paper presented at a conference the Hindi version of Manushi, and at organised in January 1996 at the School least half of those for English Manushi, of Oriental and African Studies in revolved around the mythological Sita, London. or the writer as a contemporary Sita,

20 MANUSHI with a focus on her steadfast resolve, woman? Young girls tend to name of my mother or grandmother’s gen- her suffering, or her rebellion. Sita public figures like Rani Lakshmibai of erations but even young college- loomed large in the lives of these Jhansi, Indira Gandhi, and Mother going girls — not just those in small women, whether they were asserting Teresa as their ideals. But those al- towns and villages, but also those in their moral strength or rebelling ready married or on the threshold of metropolitan cities like Delhi. against what they had come to see as marriage very frequently mention Sita Even among my students in the the unreasonable demands of society as their ideal (barring the few who are Delhi University college where I teach, or family. Either way Sita was the point avowedly feminist). At this point of Sita invariably crops up as their no- of reference — an ideal they emulated their lives, the distinction between an tion of an ideal woman. She is fre- or rejected. I was very puzzled by this ideal woman and an ideal wife seem to quently the first choice if you ask some- obsession, and even began to get im- often get blurred in the minds of one to name a symbol of an ideal wife. patient with the harangues of our mod- women. That includes not just women When I ask women why they find this ern day Sitas. And then came the biggest sur- prise of all. The first poem I ever wrote was in Hindi, and was entitled, Agnipariksha. I give some extracts in a rough translation: I too have given agnipariksha, Not one — but many Everyday, a new one. However, this agnipariksha Is not to prove myself worthy of this or that Ram But to make myself Worthy of freedom. Every day your envious, dirty looks Reduced me to ashes And everyday, like a Phoenix, I arose again

Out of my own ashes Who is Ram to reject me? I have rejected that entire society Which has converted Homes into prisons. Not just me, even my former col- league, Ruth Vanita, who is from a Christian family, wrote many a poem around the Sita theme. Her recent col- lection of poems has several poems that revolve around the Sita symbol. It took a long time, but eventually I became conscious that this obsession with Sita needs to be understood more sensitively than I was hitherto pre- pared for. Therefore, I began to ask this question fairly regularly of vari- ous men and women I met over the years: who do they hold up as an ex- ample of the ideal man and ideal A modern calendar representation of Ram and Sita

No. 98 (January-February 1997) 21 ideal still relevant, the most common response is that the example Sita sets will always remain relevant, even though they may themselves not be able to completely live up to it. This failure they attribute to their living in kalyug. They feel that in today’s de- based world it is difficult to measure up to such high standards. However, most women add that they do try to live up to the Sita ideal to the best of their ability, while making some adjust- ments keeping present day circum- stances in view. Importance of Being Sita Since I don’t have the space to quote extensively from the large num- ber and variety of interviews I have done on the subject, I merely give the gist of what emerged out of these in- terviews. It is a common sentiment among Indian women (and men) that the ide- als set in bygone ages are still valid and worth emulating, though they ad- mit few people manage to do so in today’s world. This attitude contrasts sharply with the popular western view that assumes that people in by-gone ages were less knowledgeable, were The abandoned Sita with her newborns in Balmiki’s ashram far less aware and conscious of their rights and dignity, had fewer options, very when they mention Sita as their perior to and more awe inspiring than and therefore were less evolved as ideal. Sita is not perceived as being a that of Ram — someone who puts even human beings. This linear view of hu- mindless creature who meekly suffers maryada purushottam Ram — the most man society makes the past something maltreatment at the hands of her hus- perfect of men — to shame. She is the to be studied and kept in museums band without complaining. Nor does darling of Kaushalya, her mother-in- but is not expected to encroach upon accepting Sita as an ideal mean en- law, who constantly mourns Sita’s ab- the supposedly superior wisdom of dorsing a husband’s right to behave sence from . She worries the present generation. In India, on the unreasonably and a wife’s duty to bear about her more than she does for her other hand, Ram and Sita are not seen insults graciously. She is seen as a son Ram. As the bahu of Avadh, she as remote figures out of a distant past person whose sense of dharma is su- is everyone’s dream of an ideal, loving to be dismissed lightly just because daughter-in-law. To the people of we are living in a different age and Mithila, she is far more divine and wor- have evolved different lifestyles. They Ram’s rejection of Sita is thy of reverence than Ram. are living role models seen as having almost universally Her father-in-law, Dashrath, and set standards so superior that they are condemned while her her three brother-in-laws dote on her. hard to emulate for those living in our Ram has at least some enemies like more “corrupt” age, the kalyug. rejection of him is held up Bali who feel wronged and cheated by My interviews indicate that Indian as an example of supreme him. Ram can become angry and act women are not endorsing female sla- dignity. the role of an avenger. Sita is love

22 MANUSHI and forgiveness incarnate and has no them. Very few Hindu men or women acknowledgement that even gods are ill feelings even for those who torture justify those actions of these deities not perfect or infallible. This provides her in Ravan’s captivity. which they consider wrong or immoral a far greater sense of freedom and vo- In many folk songs, even by contemporaneously upheld stan- lition to individuals within the Hindu Lakshman, the forever obedient and dards of morality. In other words, gods faith than in religions where god’s devoted brother of Ram, takes Sita’s and goddesses are expected to live up commandments are to be uncondition- side against his own brother when to the expectations of fair play de- ally obeyed and the god is upheld as a Ram decides to banish Sita. In one manded by their present day worship- symbol of infallibility. particular folk song, he argues with pers. Their praiseworthy actions are Sita’s offer of agnipariksha and her Ram: “How can I abandon a bhabhi neatly sifted from those where the coming out of it unscathed is by and such as Sita who is like food for the gods fail to uphold dharmic conduct. large seen not as an act of supine sur- hungry and clothes for the naked? She Such criticism and condemnation is render to the whims of an unreason- is like a cool drink of water for the not seen as a sign of being irreligious able husband but as an act of defiance thirsty. She is now in full term of or irreverent but as an that challenges her husband’s asper- pregnancy. How can I cast her away sions, as a means of showing him to at your command?” (Singh, 1986)2 He be so flawed in his judgement that the is in such pain at having to obey and gods have to come and pull up Ram carry out such an unjust command of for his foolishness. Unlike Draupadi, his king and elder brother that he does she does not call upon them for help. not dare disclose the true intent of their Their help comes unsolicited. She trip to the forest. Squirming with emerges as a woman that even shame, he leaves her there on a false (fire god) —who has the power to de- pretense. stroy everything he touches — dare She is a woman who even the gods not touch or harm. Thus, in popular revere, a woman who refuses to accept perception Sita’s agni pariksha is not her husband’s tyranny even while she put in the same category as the man- remains steadfast in her love for him datory virginity test Diana had to go and loyalty to him to the very end. through in order to prove herself a suit- People commonly perceive Sita’s stead- able bride for Prince Charles, but rather fastness as a sign of emotional as an act of supreme defiance on her strength and not slavery, because she part. It only underscores the point that refuses to forsake her dharma even Ram is emotionally unreliable and can though Ram forsook his dharma as a be unjust in his dealings with Sita, that husband. Most women (and even he behaved like a petty minded, stu- men) I have spoken to on the subject pidly mistrustful, jealous husband and refer to her as a “flawless” person, showed himself to be a slave to social overlooking even those episodes opinion. Most women and men I inter- where she acts unreasonably (e.g., her viewed felt he had no right to reject humiliating Lakshman with crude alle- and humiliate her or to demand an gations about his intentions towards agnipariksha. her), whereas Ram is seen as pos- Rejection of Ram sessing a major flaw in his otherwise respect worthy character because of The refusal of Sita to go through a the way he behaved towards his wife second agnipariksha — which Ram and children. demands in addition to the first one When gods go wrong that she had offered in defiance — has left a far deeper impact on the popular Hindus talk of Ram and Sita, Shiv imagination. It is interpreted not as an and and sundry other gods in act of self annihilation but as a mo- very human ways and feel no hesita- Sita: Purna-trayisvara temple, mentous but dignified rejection of Ram tion in passing moral judgements on Tripunnitura as a husband. It is noteworthy that

No. 98 (January-February 1997) 23 Sita is considered the foremost of the Sita of Folk Songs mahasatis even though she rejected Ram’s tyrannical demand of that final NTERESTINGLY, the sentiments expressed in the interviews I gathered fire ordeal resolutely and refused to are very similar to those expressed in a folk song from Avadh, UP. In this come back and live with him. It is he Iwoman’s song, Sita, though hemmed in on all sides and betrayed even who is left grieving for her and is by Lakshman, who leaves her in the forest on false pretenses, rejects Ram humbled and rejected by his own sons. even more strongly than some modern educated women do. The story as Ram may not have rejected her as a unfolded here shows Ram ordering a reluctant Lakshman to banish Sita wife but only as a queen in deference out of the kingdom. This is the one issue on which Lakshman, Ram’s devoted to social opinion, but Sita rejects him brother, differs strongly and expresses his disapproval of Ram’s resolve to as a husband. In Kalidasa’s send Sita away, but still has to reluctantly obey the King Ram. On the way, Raghuvansha, after her banishment Sita is thirsty and asks for some water. Lakshman leaves her sitting under by Ram, Sita does not address Ram as a sandalwood tree saying he will be back soon with some water for her, but Aryaputra (a term for husband that never returns. She is heartbroken at this treachery. In the forest when she literally translates as son of my father- is crying helplessly, ascetic maidens provide her support and care. After in-law) but refers to him as ‘King’ in- the birth of her twin sons, she sends the customary gifts through the barber stead. For instance, when Lakshman for Raja Dashrath, her mother-in-law Kaushalya and brother Lakshman comes to her with Ram’s message, and tells the barber, “but do not go to my husband.” When Ram learns through Lakshman that his wife has given birth to sons, he is stunned with she conveys her rejection of him as remorse and grief. He sends Lakshman to fetch Sita. Sita refuses point her husband in the following words: blank: “Go back to Ayodhya, brother in-law, I will not go with you.” (Devra “Tell the king on my behalf that even jahu lavti tu Ayodhya ta hum nahi jabe). The sage Vashisth admonishes after finding me pure after the fire or- her saying: “Sita, you who are so wise, renowned for your understanding, deal he had in your presence, now have you taken leave of your senses that you have forgotten Ram?” Sita you have chosen to leave me because replies: of public slander. Do you think it is Guru, you who know what I went through but ask me this question befitting the noble family in which As though you know nothing, 3 you were born?” (Kalidasa) The Ram who put me in the fire, who threw me out of the house His rejection of Sita is almost uni- Guru, how shall I see his face? versally condemned while her rejec- Guru, I will do as you say, tion of him is held up as an example of I will walk with Lakshman a step or twain supreme dignity. By that act she But I will never in my life see the face of that heartless Ram again emerges triumphant and supreme; she And may fate never cause us to meet again. leaves a permanent stigma on Ram’s Some years later, Ram meets his sons by accident and questions them: name. I have never heard even one Whose sons or nephews are you, Oh children? person, man or woman, suggest that From whose womb did you take birth, Oh twin boys? Sita should have gone through the second fire ordeal quietly and obedi- Luv and Kush reply: ently and accepted life with her hus- We are the grandsons of Raja Janak and the beloved sons of Sita. band once again, though I often hear We are the nephews of Lakshman - people say that Ram had no business And we know not the name of our father. to reject her in the first place. Thus Sita, in her rejection of Ram, goes to the extent of giving her sons a matrilineal heritage — they claim Janak and not Dashrath as their Despite the Divorce grandfather and do not even own their own father. And when Ram comes Ram may have forsaken Sita, but repentantly to take her back, this is how the folk song deals with Sita’s the power of popular sentiment has reaction: kept them united. Her name precedes Sita Rani sat under a tree, and combed her hair, combed her hair, Ram’s in the popular greeting in North “Oh queen, leave now your heart’s anger and come to live at Ayodhya, India: Jai Siya Ram, as also in several Oh Sita, without you the world is dark and life utterly fruitless.” bhajans and chants. He is seen as in- Sita looked at him one moment, her eyes filled with anger, 4 complete without her. He stands Sita descended into the earth, she spoke not a word. (Singh, 1986) alone only in the BJP’s propaganda For a full translation of this folk song, see Manushi No.8, 1981.

24 MANUSHI and posters. Otherwise he is never worshipped without his spouse. There is no Ram mandir without Sita by his side. However, there is at least one Sita mandir that I personally know of where Sita presides without Ram. I was introduced to it by the workers of Shetkari Sangathana. This is in Raveri village of Yavatmal district in Maharashtra. The people of the vil- lage and surrounding areas tell a mov- ing story associated with the Sita mandir in the area, about how that temple came to be. When Sita was banished by Ram, she roamed from vil- lage to village as a homeless destitute. When she came to this particular vil- The ruins of Sita mandir, Yeotmal Distt, Maharashtra lage, she was in an advanced stage of pregnancy. She begged for food but as well. He suffered no less, and lived operation to Ram. To perform his duty the villagers, for some reason, did not an ascetic life thereafter; as a king, Ram had sacrificed his queen, oblige. She cursed the village, vowing He banished only the shadow not his wife.... At the time of perform- that no anaj (grain) would ever grow of Sita. He kept the real Sita by his ing Ashvamedha Yagna, many re- in their fields. The villagers say that side all the time. quested Ram to marry another woman until the advent of hybrid wheat, for Shastri Pandurang V. Athavale’s [which could be done according to the centuries, no wheat grew in their vil- interpretation typifies the far-fetched command of holy scriptures].Ram lage, though plenty grew in apologia offered by those who wish firmly replied to them: ‘In the heart of neighbouring villages. The villagers to exonerate Ram. They even drag in Ram there is a place for only one all believe in Sita mai’s curse. Her two the modern day holy cow of national- woman and that one is Sita.’” sons were both said to have been born ism in an attempt to explain away his Athavale is at pains to point out on the outskirts of the village, where a conduct: “What we have to remember that Ram’s abandonment of Sita was a temple was built commemorating Sita is that it was not Ram who abandoned symbol of the highest self sacrifice. mata’s years of banishment. Sita; in reality it was the king who aban- “Sita was dearer to Ram than his own Apologia for Ram doned the queen, in the performance life. He had never doubted the chas- of his duty. He had to choose between tity of Sita ... For had it been so, he The injustice done to Sita seems to a family or a nation. Ram sacrificed would not have kept by his side the weigh very heavily on the collective his personal happiness for the national golden image of Sita during the sacri- conscience of men in India. Those interests and Sita extended her full co- ficial rites [Ashwamedha Yagna].” few who try to find justifications for (Athavale, 1976)5 Ram’s cruel behaviour towards Sita However, even a passionate devo- take pains to explain it in one of the In popular perception Sita’s tee of Ram like Pandurang Shastri finds following ways: agni pariksha is not put in it hard to give a totally clean chit to Ram did it not because he per- Ram: sonally doubted Sita but because of the same category as the “Once Ram appeared callous, even the demands of his dharma as a king; mandatory virginity test cruel. Upon the death of Ravan, after he knew she was innocent but he had Diana had to go through in the battle of , Sita, extremely to show his praja (subject) that unlike order to prove herself a happy appears before Ram. Sternly, his father, he was not a slave to a suitable bride for Prince Ram says to her, ‘I do not want you woman, that as a just raja he was will- who has been looked at and touched ing to make any amount of personal Charles, but rather as an by another person. You may go wher- sacrifices for them. act of supreme defiance on ever you want to. You may go either It was an act of sacrifice for him her part. to Bharat, Laxman, Shatrughan, or

No. 98 (January-February 1997) 25 witnessed the power of Sita’s story I to move men’s hearts in large ar- eas of Maharashtra when I was working with a massive farmer’s Freeing Sitas from Bondage organisation, Shetkari Sangathana, on the Mukti programme as part of a campaign to empower women with Lakshmis? Often no better than Ram slanderous remark by a dhobi, Ram land rights. The Lakshmi Mukti cam- treated Sita, one of the best wives any- asks Lakshman to take away Sita and paign tried to communicate the idea that one could have.” leave her in a forest. He does not ever the peasantry could not get a fair deal He would then go on to recount personally explain anything to her.” or be able to prosper, as long as the the kind of sacrifices Sita made for And then step by step Joshi would curse of Sita mata stayed on them, as Ram. build on the cruelty of Ram, how even long as they kept their griha Lakshmis “When Ram was banished to 14 if his dharma as a king demanded the enslaved by keeping them economi- years’ banvaas, (life in the forest) sacrifice of his marriage, he could have cally dependent and powerless in the Kaikeyi had not demanded that Sita go behaved more humanely towards her. family. In this campaign we with him. She could well have stayed “In that entire capital of Ayodhya, emphasised that the followers of the Sangathana should not wait for gov- ernment laws to be framed to enforce the economic rights of women, that the farmers should do it voluntarily as a long overdue gesture of gratitude to- wards their own Lakshmis. The Sangathana announced in 1989 that any village in which a hundred or more families each voluntarily trans- ferred a piece of land to the wife’s name would be honoured as a Lakshmi Mukti Gaon (a village which had liber- ated its hitherto enslaved Lakshmis) through a public function in which Sharad Joshi would distribute certifi- cates of honour to each such family. (Sita is believed to be an incarnation of Lakshmi). During the campaign tours to persuade the peasant followers of A couple being honoured with Lakshmi Mukti certificate, village Sonoli Shetkari Sangathana to voluntarily transfer a portion of the family land to back in the palace, but Sita insisted that this queen could not call any place her the wife’s name, Sangathana leader wherever Ram goes, there goes Sita. own for mere shelter. Could Ram not Sharad Joshi’s speeches revolved She said, my place is by your side. She have told his queen that though they around the Sita story, which seems to suffered numerous privations for him could not continue living together as have played a big role in evoking a posi- joyfully. Finally Ravan abducts Sita husband and wife because of praja’s tive response from the men. Joshi for no fault of hers but to teach Ram a opinion, she could live apart in another would explain the Lakshmi Mukti cam- lesson for his misbehaviour with his palace? Or offered her a small house? paign by first pointing out how a sister. Though Ravan respected her Or at least a small kothri (room/dun- farmer’s wife toils for her family self- chastity and did not violate Sita, her geon) where she could live quietly with lessly and how crucial her labour and own husband subjected her to the her children? But no, Maharani Sita care is for the well-being of the family. cruel humiliation of agnipariksha to became a bhikarin (beggar) overnight Then he would go on to ask his audi- prove her chastity. Even fire could not simply because her husband turned ence: touch her but on their return to his against her and pushed her out. It did “But then, how do we men treat our kingdom, at the mere hint of a not occur to him that if his subjects

26 MANUSHI were not willing to accept her, that he too could have followed her example. He could go along with her after say- ing to his subjects ‘If Sita is not good enough to be your queen, then my place is by her side. I cannot stay here either.’ Instead he left her to live the life of a destitute beggar even while she was carrying his children.” Joshi would then go on to narrate the legend associated with the Sita mandir at Raveri and the power of Sita mata’s curse to those who treated her unfairly, and go on to warn his audi- ence that by maltreating their wives, by keeping them economically depen- dent, the peasantry had collectively invoked the curse of their Sitas. Hence Sharad Joshi addressing a mammoth gathering of farmer women their poverty, their inability to obtain their due and their enslaved condition. wives, celebrating the occasion as Sita. In his view, Balmiki introduces He presented the redressal of the though it were a festival. Many more the injustice to Sita not so much with a wrongs of today’s Sitas as a precondi- hundreds of villages pledged to do so. view to hold up Sita’s dignified suffer- tion for the peasantry being success- However the leadership could not sus- ing as an example for women but to ful in their fight for justice, and effec- tain the campaign’s momentum be- turn people against Ram-like tively resisting their own exploitation. cause it left them little time for their behaviour: He would conclude by saying that other work and agitations. “Why otherwise would he show the purpose of the Lakshmi Mukti Apart from the charisma and cred- him behave so crudely in those epi- programme was to see that no modern ibility of Sharad Joshi, I also attribute sodes, even though Ram never loses day Sita would ever have to suffer the the appeal of the movement to the his dignity elsewhere, no matter how fate of Ram’s Sita because she had power of the Sita story. Men were told difficult the circumstances? He could nothing to call her own. By transfer- they were atoning for the wrongdoing have easily made Ram into as perfect a ring land to their wives, they were pay- of Ram and they felt good about being husband as he was a son. Instead, by ing off “a long overdue debt” to Sita called upon to do so. Sharad Joshi saddling him with such a flaw, such mata. In village after village I would himself admits that the Sita story crudity of behaviour in contrast to see men reduced to tears listening to moves him so profoundly that he him- Sita’s dignity, Balmiki wants to show the story of Sita. Hundreds of villages self is reduced to tears whenever he how difficult it is for even supposedly have already carried out the Lakshmi reads those sections of the Ramayan perfect men to behave justly towards Mukti programme of land transfer to which describe Ram’s banishment of their wives.”

...contd. from p. 25 Vibhishan and stay with any of them.’ The most powerful indictment, merous folk songs of the region. An We do not know for what purpose he however, comes from the people of account of what the injustice done to was so harsh, or what he intended to Mithila, the region which is the paren- Sita means to the people of Mithila is convey to Sita by these words, but it tal homeland of Sita. We are told that poignantly evident in several accounts is equally certain that they were ter- Sita’s being is part of the very con- by leading Hindi writers published in rible words ... Even the people who sciousness of Mithila; she is all perva- the form of a joint travelogue. This heard Ram saying such bitter words sive in the land, in the water, and in the project was organised by the don of wept. Everyone felt the bitterness of air of Mithila. “Her pain sits like a Hindi literature, Sachidanand those words, the injustice that was heavy stone on the hearts of Mithila’s Vatsayayan, whereby a large group of done, but none dared to protest or people.” (Khan, 1986)7 Hindi writers travelled through the re- plead.”6 This sentiment comes through nu- gion connected with Sita’s name

No. 98 (January-February 1997) 27 starting from her birthplace her father offered his daughter Sitamarhi on to Janakpur, to him. This is how one of the Ayodhya and ending their jour- folk songs of this region de- ney in Chitrakoot. The pur- scribes it: “Everyday Sita used pose of this project was to delve to clean and smear cowdung in into the secret of why and how the temple courtyard. One day the Ramayan, the story of Ram her father Janak saw her lift the and Janaki, and the locales as- heavy Shiv dhanush (bow) with sociated with their names, have her left hand while smearing become part of people’s con- with her right hand the floor sciousness and how it has in- where the dhanush was kept. fluenced the value system of At that very moment he vowed the educated as well as the illit- that he would marry his daugh- erate and defined their cultural ter only to such a man who had identity. (Singh, 1986)8 the valour to break that dhanush Sita is not just the daughter into nine pieces. Hence, the of Janak in this region but a condition of the swayamvar daughter of all Mithila because, that Sita would only be given in as the folk songs of this region marriage to a man who could testify, popular sentiment main- demonstrate such exceptional tains that, had Raja Janak by strength.”13 People of Mithila chance not gone to plough the still believe that though Ram fields that particular day, someone else to marry their daughters into families passed the initial test for winning her, from any other jati might have gone living in Avadh, in fact anywhere west he failed to prove a worthy husband. and found her. In that case she would of Mithila. Another writer, Shankar Dayal have become that person’s daughter. They repeatedly recite Sita’s name Singh, commented on how he sensed Therefore, Sita is treated as a daughter in marriage songs but Ram’s name is the all pervasive sentiment of anguish of every household in Mithila. In omitted. At the end of the song there and pain in the collective conscious- Mithila the entire village is considered is usually one line which says “‘such ness of the people of this region at the as naihar (parental home) not just like Sita was married into Raghukul injustice done to Sita. He goes on to one’s actual father’s abode. (Khan, [the family name of Ram]’” (Dalmia, say: 1986)9 Therefore, various folk songs 1986)10. There is a beautiful folk song “This region has taken a strange show the entire people of Mithila griev- of Mithila quoted by Usha Kiran revenge in a silent way. From pauranic ing over Sita’s fate. Khan in which a daughter tells her fa- times, everywhere, in every village and In some folk songs women of dif- ther what kind of a groom he should small town (kasba) are found Shri ferent strata plead with their respec- find for her. After describing various Janaki mandirs where Ram and tive husbands to go and fetch her back qualities she is looking for, the daugh- Lakshman are also present along with to her home after her desertion by Ram. ter advises her father: “Go search in Janaki. But the temples are named af- However, Sita in her pride and dignity the north, go south, or get me a groom ter Sita as evidence that somewhere refused to return and brought up her from the east. But don’t go westward, the pain of Sita is still hurting the folk two sons all on her own. Various writ- O father, get me a groom from the sentiment consciousness as though ers of this anthology describe how the north.” (Khan, 1986)11 saying: ‘Ram, you made our Sita walk dignity with which Sita suffered priva- This daughter of Mithila has a sta- barefoot in the forests. Ravan chal- tions after Ram’s painful rejection has tus higher than that of Ram in her lenged your manhood and forcibly remained alive in people’s conscious- own region. In various polemical abducted Sita. Though this mother of ness as if this injustice was undergone songs, Ram is shown as inferior to Sita. the universe (Jagajannani) went by their own daughter. “Even today, (ibid)12 At the time of marriage Shiv through the fire ordeal to prove her people of Mithila avoid marrying off Parvati songs are more popular than innocence, you abandoned her. Our their daughters in Marg-Shish because Sita songs. In this context it is well daughter, our sister was treated thus that is the month Sita got married. Even worth remembering that Ram had to by Ayodhya. But we are careful of our today, people of Mithila do not want prove himself worthy of Sita before maryada (honour). That is why O Ram,

28 MANUSHI we will keep your idol in the one woman’s individual temple. We will even wor- protest against the injus- ship it, but the temple will tice done to her. It is a whole be known in Sita’s name.’ culture’s rejection of Ram as That is why the whole area a husband. For instance, is littered with Shri Janaki people will say approvingly: mandirs. There are Sita leg- “He is a Ram-like son, a ends attached to every Ram-like brother, or a Ram- spot, even trees and like king.” But they will ponds.” (Singh, 1986)14 never say as a mark of ap- Vatsayan comments on proval, “He is a Ram-like how in Chitrakoot people husband.” If Ram had not offered them leaves from a been smart enough to win tree believed to be the ones Sita for a wife by his skill in which the abandoned Sita stringing Shiv’s bow, if in- used to eat in order to still stead Janak had decided to her hunger. What is the match their horoscope and proof offered? The leaves it had predicted that Sita tasted sour and if you drink would be abandoned by water after chewing some, him, I doubt that Ram would the water tasted sweet. So have ever found a wife. No the lore has it that Sita mai father would have con- used to drink water after fill- sented to give his daughter ing her stomach with these to a man like Ram — his leaves and that sweet after- claims to godlike perfection taste helped sustain her notwithstanding. Most through days of destitution. people I talked to echoed Thus, her memory is kept this sentiment: “Ram honge alive in every aspect of the bade admi par Sita ne kya natural as well as the cul- sukh paya?” (Ram may A modern calendar representation of Shiv and Parvati tural landscape of Mithila. have been a great man, but As writer Lakshmi Kant Varma sums it were flooded in advance with so many what good did it do Sita?) up: “Sita sahanshilta (quality of dig- letters of protest against the depiction Thus, not just modern day Sitas nified tolerance) is written on every leaf of Sita going through the fire ordeal but even traditional women and men of Balmiki Nagar” — the ashram where that Sagar was forced to deviate from reject Ram as an appropriate husband. she spent her years of banishment. his text and show the agnipariksha to Indian women’s favourite husband (Varma, 1986)15 be a mock one. The TV Ram was made has forever been Bhole Shiv Shankar The Television Ram to clarify that he did not doubt Sita’s — the innocent, the trusting, the all chastity. Clearly, Ram’s injustice to devoted spouse who allowed his wife Even in the rest of India, very few Sita has hung so heavily on the collec- to guide his life and his decisions. Un- people endorse Ram’s behaviour to- tive conscience of Indians that they married women keep fasts on Monday, wards Sita. He has not been forgiven are willing to demand that a sacred text the day assigned for Lord Shiv and this injustice through all these centu- be altered. In this new text, deter- pray that they may be blessed with ries, despite his being a revered figure mined by contemporary devotees, Parvati’s good fortune. Shiv and in most other ways. In this context, I maryada purushottam Ram was being Parvati are the most celebrated and am reminded of the time when ordered to behave better. happy couple in , rep- Ramanand Sagar’s Ramayan was be- Disqualified Husband resenting perfect joy in togetherness, ing telecast over Doordarshan. As the including in their sexual union. Their story began approaching the point The final rejection of Ram by Sita mutual devotion, companionship and when Sita was supposed to undergo has come to acquire a much larger respect for each other are legendary. her agnipariksha the serial makers meaning in popular imagination than Shiv is not seen as a bossy husband

No. 98 (January-February 1997) 29 demanding unconditional obedi- and he rests only after he has ence but as one who respected brought her back to life. How- his wife’s wishes, even her trivial ever, most women realise that a whims. To quote Devyani (a Shiv like husband is not easy to middle aged woman working as a get. Therefore, they need other domestic help in my strategies to make husbands act neighbourhood): “Bhole Shankar responsibly. never caused pain to his wife. He There are several practical would indulge every whim of reasons why Sita-like behaviour hers. Only when a man behaves makes sense to Indian women. with such respect for his wife can The outcome of marriage in India you have a sukhi grahsthi depends not just on the attitude (happy domestic life).” of a husband but as much on the It is significant that pauranic kind of relationship a women has descriptions of Shiv show him with her marital family and ex- as the least domesticated and the tended kinship group. If, like Sita, most rebellious of all the gods, she commands respect and affec- one whose appearance and ad- tion from the latter, she can fre- ventures border on the weird. He quently count on them to inter- is so unlike a normal husband vene on her behalf and keep her that ’s father never forgives husband from straying, from be- her for marrying Shiv. Yet Hindu having unreasonably. Similarly, women have selectively domes- once her children grow up, they ticated him for their purpose, can often play an effective role in emphasising his devotion to protecting her from being need- Sati/Parvati as well as the fact that lessly bullied by her husband, and he allowed his spouse an impor- bring about a real change in the tant role in influencing his deci- Uma-Mahesvara, Khiching Museum power equation in the family, be- sions. At the same time these cause in India, children, espe- women conveniently overlook the The Hindu tradition might cially sons, frequently continue living many very prominent and contradic- with their parents even after they are tory aspects of his life and deeds. valourise wives who put up grown up. A woman can hope to get Interestingly, Parvati is not just with tyrannical husbands her marital relatives and her children seen as a grihalakshmi, as someone gracefully but it does not to act in her favour only if she is seen whose reign is confined to the domes- valourise unreasonable as being more or less above reproach. tic sphere. She often also controls and husbands Most women realise that it is not guides Shiv’s dealings with the out- easy to tie men down to domestic re- side world, constantly goading him to sponsibility. You need a lot of social be more generous, compassionate and expects very high levels of sexual and and familial controls on men in order sensitive to the needs of his bhakts. emotional loyalty from them if they are to prevent them from extra-marital af- While there has been a lot of dis- to qualify as “good husbands”. Shiv, fairs which can seriously jeopardise cussion and analysis of the demands for instance, is perceived as someone the stability of a marriage. Thus, they put on women in the Hindu tradition, who cannot live without Parvati. He is think it is best to avoid taking on the the sacrifices expected of ideal wives, said to have no desire for other ways of men. To respond to a we have failed to evaluate the de- women. He is supposed to have husband’s unreasonableness or extra- mands put on an ideal husband. The roamed around the world like a crazed marital affair by seeking a divorce or Hindu tradition might valourise wives being carrying Parvati’s dead body on having an affair herself would only al- who put up with tyrannical husbands his shoulders after she jumped into the low men further excuses to legitimise gracefully but it does not valourise un- fire to protest against her father’s in- their irresponsible behaviour. Thus, it reasonable husbands. On the contrary, sult to her husband. His tandava is a strategy to domesticate men, to it places heavy demands on them and threatens to destroy the whole world minimise the risk of marriage break-

30 MANUSHI down and of having to be a single Delhi, Vatsal Foundation). parent, with its consequent effect on 5. Shastri Pandurang V. Athavale, 1976. children. A man breaking off with a Sita- Balmiki - A Study, pp. 161- 2 Bombay, Satvichar Darshan Trust. like wife is likely to invite widespread 6. ibid disapproval in his social circle and is 7. Usha Kiran Khan, 1986. ‘Sita Janam therefore, more likely to be kept under Biroge Gel’, in Sacchidananda Vatsayan a measure of restraint, even if he has a (ed.) Jan, Janak, Janaki, op.cit, pp.119. tendency to stray. 8. Karan Singh, 1986. Introduction in Sacchidananda Vatsayan (ed.) Jan, Janak, While for women Sita represents Janaki, op.cit. an example of an ideal wife, for men 9. Usha Kiran Khan, 1986, op.cit, pp. 120. she is Sita mata (jagjannani), not just 10. Ila Dalmia, 1986. ‘Sita Samaropti Vaam the daughter of earth but Mother Earth Bhagam’, in Sacchidananda Vatsayan herself who inspires awe and rever- References: (ed.) Jan, Janak, Janaki, op.cit, p. 32. 11. Usha Kiran Khan, op.cit, p. 120. ence. By shaping themselves in the 1. Sudhir Kakkar, 1978, quoting from P. 12. ibid p.121 Sita mould, women often manage to Pratap’s unpublished thesis in The Inner World, Oxford University Press. 13. Vidya Bindu Singh, op.cit. p. 122. acquire enormous clout and power 2. Vidya Bindu Singh, 1986. ‘Sita Surujva 14. Shankar Dayal Singh, 1986.‘Ek Gudgudi, over their husbands and family. ke Joti’, in Sacchidananda Vatsayan (ed.) Ek Vyathageet’, in Sacchidananda Jan, Janak, Janaki, pp. 125-26(New Vatsayan (ed) Jan, Janak, Janaki, op.cit. Delhi, Vatsal Foundation). p.53 I am grateful to my friend Berny and 3. Kalidasa. Raghuvamsha. 14. 61 15. Lakshmi Kant Varma, 1986. ‘Kabir Ki my colleague Dhirubhai Sheth for their help- 4. Vidya Bindu Singh, 1986. ‘Sita Surujva Do Samadhiyon Ke Beech’, in ful comments and suggestions on an ear- ke Joti’, in Sacchidananda Vatsayan (ed.) Sacchidanada Vatsayan (ed) Jan, Janak, lier draft of this paper. Jan, Janak, Janaki, pp. 122-26(New Janaki, op.cit. p.73.

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