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Home , March Hare, Nothing as It Seems, Tin Man (miniseries)

Book by Brian D. Taylor Music by Bill Francoeur, Lyrics by Scott DeTurk with additional lyrics by Bill Francoeur

© Copyright 2014, Pioneer Drama Service, Inc.

Professionals and amateurs are hereby warned that a royalty must be paid for every performance, whether or not admission is charged. All inquiries regarding rights should be addressed to Pioneer Drama Service, Inc., PO Box 4267, Englewood, CO 80155.

All rights to this musical—including but not limited to amateur, professional, radio broadcast, television, motion picture, public reading and translation into foreign languages—are controlled by Pioneer Drama Service, Inc., without whose permission no performance, reading or presentation of any kind in whole or in part may be given.

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On all programs, printing and advertising, the following information must appear: 1. The full name of the musical 2. The full name of the playwright and composer/arranger 3. The following notice: “Produced by special arrangement with Pioneer Drama Service, Inc., Englewood, Colorado” IN — THE MUSICAL Freely adapted from The Wonderful Wizard of , in Wonderland and Through the Looking Glass Book by BRIAN D. TAYLOR Music by BILL FRANCOEUR, lyrics by SCOTT DeTURK with additional lyrics by BILL FRANCOEUR CAST OF CHARACTERS # of lines Ozian Characters DOROTHY ...... poor girl who’s still hoping to 125 find her way back to Kansas ...... dog that loves the chase 4 ...... extremely smart 79 LION ...... very brave and always ready 59 for the fight TIN MAN ...... soft-hearted and tender; 61 recites poetry WIZARD ...... not so wonderful and still a 33 humbug, but also wise in his ways GLINDA ...... lovely witch of the North 46 Wonderland Characters ...... very skittish and tardy servant 8 to the Queen ROSE ...... beautiful flower that talks tough 5 TIGER LILY ...... flower afraid of dogs 5 TULIP ...... friendly flower 5 CATERPILLAR ...... thoughtful, inquisitive and 15 blunt to the point of rudeness ...... clumsy and overly sensitive egg 9 KING OF HEARTS ...... ruler of Wonderland along with 33 he Queen of Hearts PAWN ...... red chess piece; one of the 8 king’s soldiers ROOK ...... another 9 KNIGHT ...... another 25 TWEEDLE DEE ...... twin who wants to have a battle 28 TWEEDLE DUM ...... the other 30

ii 73 RIGHTS MUST BE PURCHASED BEFORE REPRODUCING THIS SCRIPT ALICE ...... curious girl who’s hoping to find 94 her way back to England MAD HATTER ...... hat maker who’s absolutely 50 bonkers MARCH HARE ...... crazy rabbit; just as bonkers as 39 his hatter friend DORMOUSE ...... sleepy mouse 13 FROG FOOTMAN ...... wizard’s difficult-to-deal-with 11 servant FISH FOOTMAN ...... Queen’s messenger 22 ONE ...... vanishing cat who grins a lot 14 CHESHIRE CAT TWO ...... the same 2 CHESHIRE CAT THREE ...... the same 5 QUEEN OF HEARTS ...... angry tyrant who rules 76 Wonderland FIVE ...... card and servant to the Queen 8 SEVEN ...... another 5 KNAVE OF HEARTS ...... another, but also a sneaky thief 14

CHORUS ...... as OZIANS, TORNADO DANCERS, CHESS PIECES, PLAYING CARDS, FLOWERS, WINKIES, SETTING Time: Once upon a time. Place: Briefly in the of Oz, then on to Wonderland. Ideally, the Emerald City scene in ACT ONE, Scene One would be the one scene with a different look. This can be accomplished by playing this opening scene before the curtain or by placing a removable backdrop in front of the Wonderland backdrop. Starting in ACT ONE, Scene Two, the entire rest of the show can be played before a single backdrop depicting the abundant beautiful and strange flora and fauna of Wonderland. Simple props are quickly brought on to give each scene a unique look and sense of place. For instance, at the , a table with settings for tea is brought on. At the trial, tables and chairs are brought on to create the look of a courtroom. Specifically, a mushroom stool is required for CATERPILLAR in ACT ONE, Scene Two. A short wall is required for HUMPTY DUMPTY to sit on in ACT ONE, Scene Three. On the reverse side, the wall is made up

72 iii RIGHTS MUST BE PURCHASED BEFORE REPRODUCING THIS SCRIPT to be a hedge with white and red roses for the QUEEN’S rose garden CATCHING ALICE RED-HANDED in ACT ONE, Scene Eight and ACT TWO, Scene Three. A rock or bush is This stage illusion is very simple. Just have ALICE’S hand smeared needed for ACT ONE, Scene Seven and ACT TWO, Scene Two. A great with a little bit of red prior to her entrance. She will need to keep her tree is also needed for ACT TWO, Scene Two. hands concealed for a few lines, but this means KNAVE OF HEARTS doesn’t need to worry about sneakily smearing her hands mid-scene. SYNOPSIS OF SCENES Of course, if you prefer, you can do it that way. ACT ONE CROQUET Scene One: Goodbye, Emerald City (can be played before the curtain) If possible, it would be great fun to use flamingos as mallets, Scene Two: The Live Garden hedgehogs for balls and the CARDS as the arches, just like it is in Scene Three: The Tin Man’s Arrest Alice in Wonderland. The flamingos could be either the iconic plastic Scene Four: The Battle lawn ornament flamingos or painted cutouts. All that is needed for the Scene Five: The Good Witch hedgehogs is round, fluffy stuffed animals. Scene Six: A If you wish to use proper croquet equipment instead, the lines may be Scene Seven: The Stolen Tarts adjusted to suit your needs. Scene Eight: Painting the Roses Red CHARACTER NOTES Scene Nine: The Great Oz The MAD HATTER and MARCH HARE, admittedly, don’t make much sense. But that’s the point. They are mad. And while great care has ACT TWO been to question whether they are really mad or actually quite Scene One: A Mad Adventure (played before the curtain) clever but misunderstood, their apparent madness remains. The best Scene Two: Directions from an Old Friend advice here is to own it. Play the part the way that makes sense to Scene Three: Croquet you. Get into their imagination. Get into their worries and concerns. Scene Four: The Trial The only way that these parts can be played incorrectly is to play it safe and hold back. So go for it, whatever direction that may be, and more importantly, have fun with it. The same goes for every other character. Go for it and have fun! NOTE FROM THE AUTHOR As a former teacher of English literature, I feel I would be missing a perfect teaching opportunity if I didn’t recommend the reading of the great works that inspired this play. For further enjoyment and understanding of the play, I highly recommend that you have your cast and/or student audiences read Alice in Wonderland, Through the Looking Glass and The Wonderful . and L. Frank Baum also wrote many additional works worthy of reading, and of course their work inspired many stage and film adaptations. All of their work is now firmly established as classic literature. Very fun and meaningful reading, familiarity with these original sources will add a great deal to the appreciation of this play.

iv 71 THE WIZARD’S HOUSE SEQUENCE OF MUSICAL NUMBERS In ACT ONE, Scene Nine, the WIZARD’S house can be as simple as PROLOGUE a free-standing door defining the front of the house. Characters pass MC1 Two Worlds ...... Ensemble through the door and “into” the house, though the interior does not ACT ONE require anything more than the screen that the Wizard hides behind. MC1a Flight of the Balloon–Underscore ...... Instrumental The scene can also be played without any set pieces. Simply use the MC1b White Rabbit–Entrance ...... White Rabbit far side of the stage apron as the entryway. When characters “enter” MC2 Somehow, Some Way ...... Dorothy, Scarecrow, the house, they simply step onto the stage. DOROTHY can knock on Tin Man, Lion the stage wall. MC2a The Tornado–Underscore ...... Instrumental CHASING THE CHESHIRE CAT MC2b White Rabbit–Entrance ...... White Rabbit The chasing of the CHESHIRE CAT is meant to be a fun way to show MC2c White Rabbit–Entrance ...... White Rabbit how the cat can vanish into thin air. And who doesn’t love a good chase MC3 I Ain’t a-Scared o’ Nuttin’! ...... Lion, Tweedle Dee, scene, right? Obviously, an actor cannot vanish into thin air. However, Tweedle Dum three actors can give the illusion of disappearing and reappearing. MC3a White Rabbit–Entrance ...... White Rabbit That’s why there are three CHESHIRE CATS moving about the stage. MC4 I’m Just a Girl ...... Alice, Glinda The trick will be to make your three cats look as identical as possible MC5 A Mad Adventure ...... Scarecrow, Mad with costuming and makeup. Matching masks could work, too. The three actors should also try to have similar voices and mannerisms as Hatter, March Hare, the cat, so they give the impression that all three of them are actually Dormouse the same character that keeps popping up in different places. MC5a White Rabbit–Entrance ...... White Rabbit The staging is merely suggested and may be changed to suit your MC6 Who Stole the Tarts? ...... Alice, Fish Footman, needs. Since each cat essentially hides, it is DOROTHY, TOTO, ALICE Knight and LION who will help the most in giving the audience the impression MC6a Who Stole the Tarts–Reprise ...... Queen, Five, Seven, that the cat has vanished. A particularly effective way to stage this is Knight, Knave, already suggested. CAT ONE runs behind the tree, but does not appear Footman on the other side. TOTO chases after the CAT and does appear on MC6b Recitation–Underscore...... Instrumental the other side. This moment should happen quickly, timed so that it MC7 The Heartless Executioner ...... Queen, Tin Man, appears CAT just vanished right in front of TOTO. With a little practice, King, Five, Seven, it’s a pretty easy and very cool illusion to make happen with very little Playing Cards technical requirements. MC8 Will We Ever See Home Again? ...... Alice, Dorothy, This scene could be done with a single actor by combining all of the Wizard, Scarecrow, lines. As for staging this with one actor, you would probably need stage Tin Man, Lion curtains and sneaky ways for the actor to disappear from one point on Ozians the stage and reappear in another, say, by slipping through curtains and running backstage to appear on another side of the stage. Feel ACT TWO free to be creative to meet your particular staging needs and, most MC8a Entr’Acte–A Mad Adventure ...... Ensemble importantly, have fun with it! MC9 Everyone Has To Be Somewhere...... Cheshire Cats, Dorothy, Alice, Lion

70 v MC9a A Mad Adventure–Reprise ...... Mad Hatter, March Hare, Dormouse, CARDS, including the KING and QUEEN OF HEARTS, may be made Scarecrow, Lion, from a foam or cardboard square, painted or stitched to look like Dorothy, Alice the cards they represent. However, they do not have to look like playing cards and may also be dressed in extravagant, court-like MC9b White Rabbit–Entrance ...... White Rabbit attire with embellishments that indicate their rank. MC9c Fanfare and Processional ...... Instrumental Similarly, CHESS PIECES should be dressed in red and may be adorned MC9d Recitation–Underscore...... Instrumental with red hats that signify their character or rank in some way. For MC9e Recitation–Underscore...... Instrumental instance, the knight may wear a knight’s helmet or a hat with a MC9f Fanfare ...... Instrumental horse’s head to indicate the chess piece he represents. MC9g Processional–Scene Change ...... Instrumental FLOWERS can wear headgear with petals or makeup to indicate the MC10 Ol’ Witch! ...... Dorothy, Alice, Lion, flower they represent. For instance, TIGER LILY might wear a headpiece with petals and makeup with whiskers. Tin Man, Scarecrow, Queen, King, White HOT AIR BALLOON Rabbit, Knave, Five, The hot air balloon should be a cutout that is built on a rolling platform. Seven, Winkies, As the balloon “lifts off” with WIZARD inside, it merely rolls offstage, Munchkins controlled by OZIAN EXTRAS. If a full size hot air balloon set piece is MC10a Glinda’s Entrance–Underscore ...... Instrumental beyond the production’s means, then the hot air balloon action may MC11 Back Where It All Began ...... Dorothy, Alice, be staged completely OFFSTAGE. WIZARD can shout his lines in the Glinda, Scarecrow, balloon from OFF RIGHT. Ropes that appear to secure the offstage Tin Man, Lion, balloon to the ground can extend ON from the STAGE RIGHT wings and Ensemble the OZIAN EXTRAS can hold them down and appear to be dragged OFF by them. EPILOGUE THE TORNADO AND THE RABBIT HOLE MC11a Curtain Call–Two Worlds ...... Ensemble Stage this however you envision. The directions here are merely a guide to get you started, but each production will have its own unique take. For starters, during the first section, the characters from Oz are caught in a tornado and should move around the stage, spinning and seeming to be in flight. DANCERS wearing all black and holding black streamers run circles around the stage so that the streamers create the effect of a tornado. DANCERS will also bring in the various props that seem to be swirling in the storm. During the next part and after the OZ characters are separated, DOROTHY and TOTO begin to fall down the rabbit hole and into Wonderland. DOROTHY and TOTO should no longer spin about the stage during this second half, but they should give the impression that they are falling, with lifted arms and moving only incrementally as if to seem weightless. Wires and fancy flying mechanisms are not needed for either part. All that is needed is the right choreography. DANCERS once again bring in props as if they are floating around with DOROTHY and TOTO as they fall.

vi 69 RIGHTS MUST BE PURCHASED BEFORE REPRODUCING THIS SCRIPT FLEXIBLE CASTING DOROTHY IN WONDERLAND— Many of the characters are written as male in the books, which is why THE MUSICAL so many of them are written as male in the script. However, almost all Prologue of the characters may be played as either male or female by changing the gender related terms that refer to the characters. The exceptions 1 MUSIC CUE 1: “Two Worlds.” ENSEMBLE ENTERS in the dark. would be DOROTHY, ALICE, TIN MAN, WIZARD, GLINDA, KING OF DOROTHY, TOTO and OZIANS form a group STAGE RIGHT while ALICE HEARTS and QUEEN OF HEARTS, whose roles are gender specific and and the WONDERLAND CHARACTERS form a group STAGE LEFT. WHITE must be played as such. RABBIT moves DOWN CENTER. SPOTLIGHT UP on WHITE RABBIT. 5 WHITE RABBIT: (Sings.) Two worlds, so many faces, For a larger cast, a large CHORUS can be used as additional So many stories yet untold. OZIANS, DANCERS, PLAYING CARDS, CHESS PIECES, WINKIES and MUNCHKINS. Roles with spoken lines, such as the FLOWERS, CHESS So many different, radical points of view, PIECES and CARDS, may be split into extra parts. Slightly askew. Two worlds, such different places For a smaller cast, several parts may be doubled, including: WIZARD, 10 Filled with dilemmas soon to unfold. GLINDA, FLOWERS, HUMPTY DUMPTY, CHESS PIECES, TWEEDLE DEE, TWEEDLE DUM, FROG FOOTMAN, FISH FOOTMAN, CHESHIRE CATS, Let your mind travel, PLAYING CARDS, WINKIES and MUNCHKINS. For more doubling Free to unravel. information about which characters are in each scene, see the Where’s where, what’s what, and who is who? (LIGHTS UP on the character/scene breakdown in the director’s book. ENSEMBLE.) 15 ENSEMBLE: (Sings.) Two worlds, craziest cases, COSTUME SUGGESTIONS Outlandish beings out of sync. There are no specific costume requirements for this play. Feel free to Hither and wither, constantly led astray, unleash your imagination. These are merely suggestions. Finding their way. SCARECROW wears a pair of worn jeans or overalls and a plain or Two worlds, queens, kings and aces, flannel shirt. Straw should peek out from the cuffs and ankles. 20 Willy and nilly, on the brink. TIN MAN is dressed in gray or silver attire to make him appear metallic. Teeters and totters, Duct tape can also create an effective illusion. When not rusted, Schemers and plotters, he carries his oil can. Dealing the cards they all play. DOROTHY wears silver slippers, as in the original L. Frank Baum book. DOROTHY/OZIANS: (Sing.) Imagine a future (Red slippers were MGM’s creation for their first color movie in 25 That goes beyond your wildest dreams. 1939 and are not in the public domain.) ALICE/WONDERLAND FOLK: (Sing.) You’ll never imagine MAD HATTER, MARCH HARE and DORMOUSE are dressed in Where dreams are taking you. fancy Victorian attire, suitable for tea-time, with whatever odd ENSEMBLE: (Sings.) Somewhere nothing’s as it seems. embellishments seem to suit them. MAD HATTER wears at least It’s true! three different hats over the course of the show. MARCH HARE 30 Two worlds, curious faces. should have rabbit ears. Can’t help but wonder who they are. WHITE RABBIT is dressed sharply, carries a pocket watch and should Topsy and turvy, don’t know inside from out, have rabbit ears and perhaps a tail. Fumbling about. GLINDA is dressed in a fancy elaborate gown and carries a wand. Two worlds, quirkiest places. OZIANS are all from the Emerald City and should wear green clothing, 35 ’Round every corner hides a surprise, hats and accessories. Something astounding, strangely dumbfounding. Logic defying, there’s no denying.

68 1 RIGHTS MUST BE PURCHASED BEFORE REPRODUCING THIS SCRIPT 1 Things are off kilter and something’s the tilter. PRODUCTION NOTES Mingling and mangling, watch it untangling Right before your very eyes. (ENSEMBLE EXITS as LIGHTS FADE to PROPERTIES ON STAGE BLACK. MUSIC OUT.) ACT ONE End of Prologue Scene One: Large hot air balloon cutout with ropes ACT ONE Scene Two: Mushroom for Caterpillar to sit on Scene One – Goodbye, Emerald City Scene Three: Short wall for Humpty Dumpty to sit on 5 LIGHTS UP: The Emerald City. OZIANS have gathered for DOROTHY’S Scene Six: Long table with several tea settings, teapot, pocket watch big trip back to Kansas with the WIZARD. A giant hot air balloon is in a butter dish, extra hat for Mad Hatter, travelling bag STAGE RIGHT. (See PRODUCTION NOTES.) SCARECROW, TIN MAN, Scene Seven: Red table LION and DOROTHY stand in line as WIZARD addresses them one by Scene Eight: Hedge with white and red roses (reverse side of Humpty one. Dumpty’s wall used in Scene Three) 10 WIZARD: Very well. (To SCARECROW.) Now, Scarecrow, you’ve got your brains. Scene Nine: Wizard’s door, screen, stool SCARECROW: (Smart.) Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for ACT TWO tomorrow. The important thing is not to stop questioning. Scene Two: Tree with wanted poster, large rock, extra hat for Mad WIZARD: I can see they’re working already! (To TIN MAN.) The Tin Man Hatter 15 has his heart. Scene Three: Hedge with white and red roses TIN MAN: (Kneels and recites.) How do I love thee? Let me count the Scene Four: Table and chair for judge box, table with typewriter and ways. chair, chair for witness box, prosecution and defense tables and OZIAN GIRLS: (Swoon.) Awww! chairs, chairs for gallery, glass of water on defense table WIZARD: (To TIN MAN.) You’d better be careful with that, or you’ll be PROPERTIES BROUGHT ON 20 breaking some hearts. ACT ONE TIN MAN: Yes, sir. Scene One: Umbrella, hat, yellow brick, map, books, orange marmalade WIZARD: (To LION.) And you, Lion. You’ve got your courage. (CREW/EXTRAS) LION: (Tough.) You bet I have! Grrrrauff! Scene Two: Bubbles (CATERPILLAR) WIZARD: Easy there, tiger. Scene Seven: Baking sheet with tarts (FISH FOOTMAN) 25 LION: (Glares and corrects him.) Ahem, Lion. Empty bag or satchel, bag of charts (KNAVE OF HEARTS) WIZARD: Ah, yes, yes, of course. Now, you’ve all gotten what you Scene Eight: Paint can, paintbrush (CARDS) came for, so you can all be on your merry ways! Rope (KNAVE OF HEARTS) TIN MAN: But you’ve forgotten about Dorothy! Scene Nine: Invitation, wanted poster (FISH FOOTMAN) LION: Yeah. What’s the meaning of this? ACT TWO 30 SCARECROW: Are you trying to pull a fast one on us? Scene Three: Teapot, watch (MAD HATTER) TIN MAN: You promised to help her get back to Kansas. Flamingo mallets, hedgehogs (CARDS) WIZARD: Oh, yes. I have, haven’t I? Invitation (DOROTHY) DOROTHY: You have. Can’t you help me, oh, great wizard? Oil can (CHESHIRE CAT ONE) WIZARD: Yes, yes, of course I can! I knew I was forgetting something. Scene Four: Gavel (QUEEN OF HEARTS) 35 It just so happens that I’m bound for Kansas myself, and there’s Bottle of potion (ALICE) room in the balloon for one more.

2 67 1 Two worlds, quirkiest places. 1 DOROTHY: One more? But there are two more of us. Toto’s coming, ’Round every corner hides a surprise. too. Isn’t there any room for Toto? Something astounding, strangely dumbfounding. WIZARD: Who’s Toto? Logic defying, there’s no denying, DOROTHY: You know Toto. He’s my dog. 5 Things are off kilter and something’s the tilter. 5 WIZARD: Oh, yes, yes. I remember. No. Mingling and mangling, watch it untangling DOROTHY: Oh, but I can’t leave him here. Please tell me Toto can Right before your very eyes. (ENSEMBLE EXITS in all directions. come. LIGHTS FADE to BLACK. MUSIC OUT.) WIZARD: I don’t know. Is he trained? DOROTHY: Oh, yes. And he’ll be on his very best behavior. I promise 10 he won’t be a bother, and he’s very small, so I’m sure there will be plenty of room. WIZARD: (Hesitant.) Well… (LION leans into WIZARD and growls.) Yes, I suppose we can make it work. Come along then, we must be off at once! (Steps into the balloon. [NOTE: If not using a balloon, WIZARD 15 simply EXITS RIGHT.]) DOROTHY: Oh, but… (Looks around.) Oh, my! Where is he? Has anyone seen Toto? LION: I thought he was with you. SCARECROW: (To LION.) Let me do the thinking. (To DOROTHY.) When 20 did you last see him? DOROTHY: It was right before the wizard gave you your brains. He ran off, just over there. (Points and looks OFF LEFT. MUSIC CUE 1a: “Flight of the Balloon–Underscore.” MUSIC UNDER until indicated for the following dialogue.) 25 WIZARD: (Shouts.) Unleash the anchors! We set sail for Kansas straightaway! (OZIANS untie the ropes.) Come, Dorothy! DOROTHY: (Looks around STAGE LEFT feverish.) But I can’t find Toto! He just has to come with us! WIZARD: (As OZIANS begin to move with the balloon towards OFF 30 RIGHT. [See PRODUCTION NOTES.]) No, no, Dorothy, you must come now. The balloon is almost off the ground! DOROTHY: (Shouts OFF LEFT.) Toto! Toto! Here, Toto! TIN MAN: Dorothy, quick! The wizard’s flying away without you! OZIANS: (Ad-lib.) Farewell! Goodbye, Wizard! We’ll miss you! (Etc.) 35 DOROTHY: (Looks RIGHT and runs towards the balloon.) No! Wait! You can’t leave! WIZARD: (As he drifts OFF RIGHT in the balloon, followed OFF by the OZIANS. See PRODUCTION NOTES.) It’s too late, Dorothy. If I shall ever meet you again, I promise to keep my promise. I’ll help you 40 get back to Kansas! (He’s OUT.)

66 3 1 DOROTHY: (Watches as he goes, then stomps her foot.) Oh! Now, I shall 1 DOROTHY: (Sings.) Though you’re all such dears, never get back to Kansas! (MUSIC OUT.) It seems like years since I have seen my home. LION: It’s okay, Dorothy. You can stay with us. ALICE: (Sings.) There’s nowhere else where I’d rather be. TIN MAN: That’s a great idea. After all, it was very sad to think that ALICE/DOROTHY: (Sing.) Now, I know what my home means to me. 5 you might have to go. 5 DOROTHY/ALICE/SCARECROW/TIN MAN/LION/GLINDA: (Sing.) SCARECROW: I had the very same thought. (MUSIC CUE 1b: “White Time to travel back where it all began. Rabbit-Entrance.” WHITE RABBIT runs ON LEFT, chased by TOTO, GLINDA: (Sings.) Places come, places go, barking.) Some are worlds away, WHITE RABBIT: (Sings.) Oh, me! Oh, my! But there’s just one place that draws the soul. 10 The seconds racing by! 10 DOROTHY: (Sings.) People come. Ticking, tocking, ALICE: (Sings.) People go. It is shocking DOROTHY/ALICE: (Sing.) Never long to stay. Just how fast they fly! Still they live on Oh, my! Oh, me! In memories, 15 How quickly I must flee! 15 On in the stories that make us whole! Can’t stop or wait or hesitate! ENSEMBLE: (Sings.) Only one place is home. I’m late! I’m late! I’m late! (ALL watch as WHITE RABBIT races OFF Doesn’t matter where you choose to roam. RIGHT. TOTO stops near DOROTHY and barks after WHITE RABBIT. Home will let you go, MUSIC OUT.) But you will always know 20 DOROTHY: Oh, Toto! There you are! (TOTO turns to DOROTHY, seems 20 It’s waiting there to share happy to see her and puts his paws up to her.) No, Toto, no! Bad Another day, another year. dog! (TOTO cowers.) Don’t you see? I’m very displeased with you. Doesn’t matter if it’s far or near. I couldn’t find you, and, now… now, the wizard is gone, and we’ll There’s one single track. never get back to and ! (TOTO whimpers. Take it while you can. 25 MUSIC CUE 2: “Somehow, Someway.” Speaks.) Oh, Toto! I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to frighten you. We’ll find our way home. Somehow, 25 Time to travel back… some way… (Sings.) I faced witches, DOROTHY/ALICE: (Sing.) Where it all began. Monkeys flying in the air. DOROTHY: (Speaks to OTHERS.) Goodbye! (Quick goodbye hugs, ad- Life has its glitches, libs, etc. ALICE drinks from the bottle as DOROTHY closes her eyes 30 But I will find the answer somewhere. and clicks her heels. OTHERS ad-lib their goodbyes as the LIGHTS Journeys throw us 30 FADE to BLACK. MUSIC OUT.) Many a twist and turn. END OF MUSICAL DOROTHY/SCARECROW/TIN MAN/LION: (Sing.) CURTAIN CALL Journeys show us MUSIC CUE 11a: “Curtain Call–Two Worlds-Epilogue. LIGHTS UP: 35 What we need to know through lessons that we learn. ENSEMBLE ENTERS for bows. Somehow, some way, there is A path that will lead us. ENSEMBLE: (After bows, sings.) Two worlds, curious faces. Somewhere, someday soon, Can’t help but wonder who they are. The next blue moon, 35 Topsy and turvy, don’t know inside from out, 40 We’ll find it there. Fumbling about.

4 65 RIGHTS MUST BE PURCHASED BEFORE REPRODUCING THIS SCRIPT 1 LION: And I might have never found my courage! (MAD HATTER and 1 DOROTHY: (Sings.) Wizards scare us MARCH HARE cross to DOROTHY.) With tricks behind the screen. MARCH HARE: (Sad.) I guess this means we will never enjoy the Wizards prepare us pleasure of having you both for tea? To face the unknown and the unseen. 5 DOROTHY: No. I’m sure it would have been lovely! 5 DOROTHY/SCARECROW/TIN MAN/LION: (Sing.) ALICE: But thank you for the invitation. Journeys take us MARCH HARE: Oh, no! You’re not invited. Places we fear to go. Journeys make us ALICE: (Confused.) Oh. Relive past mistakes until we fin’lly know. MAD HATTER: We would invite you, but I’m afraid you’d find us to be 10 Somehow, some way, we will 10 terrible, terrible hosts. Travel ’round that corner, DOROTHY: What makes you say that? Somewhere, someplace MAD HATTER: We’re completely out of butter! (DOROTHY and ALICE That you least expect. laugh.) It will be waiting there. SCARECROW: (Pats MAD HATTER and MARCH HARE on the shoulder.) 15 DOROTHY/SCARECROW/TIN MAN/LION/OZIANS: (Sing.) 15 Good luck finding Gertrude and Hermione, but I especially hope Somehow, some way, we will you find Time. Never stop our searching. MAD HATTER: Yes, indeed. He’s a rascally fellow, but he’ll turn up. Something is the clue (MUSIC CUE 11: “Back Where It All Began.”) To take us through TIN MAN: (Speaks.) Can you really help us get back to Oz, too? 20 That open door… (The following two lines are sung as a duet.) 20 GLINDA: (Speaks.) Of course! I’ll take you with me. After all, I must DOROTHY/SCARECROW/OZIANS GROUP ONE: (Sing.) return home, too! That leads you home somehow… SCARECROW: (Speaks.) Hmmm. I hadn’t thought of that! TIN MAN/LION/OZIANS GROUP TWO: (Sing.) GLINDA: (Speaks.) But first, we must get these young ladies off to That leads you home somehow, somewhere, someday… their homes. (To ALICE and DOROTHY.) Very well, girls. You know 25 ALL: (Sing.) Some way! (MUSIC OUT. Direct segue to MUSIC CUE 2a: 25 what to do. “The Tornado–Underscore. [NOTE: On CD, cue begins with HOWLING DOROTHY: (Speaks.) Come, Toto! Aunt Em and Uncle Henry are WIND sound effects as the dialogue leads up to the music cue.] ALL waiting. sway to the RIGHT and put their arms up as if to block a great wind ALICE: (Speaks.) Oh, I’ll bet Dinah is waiting for me, too! Oh, how I that is coming from STAGE LEFT.) miss her so! 30 TIN MAN: Oh, I don’t like the sound of that! 30 DOROTHY: (Sings.) Time to run. Time to fly. SCARECROW: It’s just a bit of a breeze. I’m so happy I could almost cry. LION: Yeah! Nothing to be afraid of! (Steps LEFT into the wind and Though I’ll miss you so, it’s good to know poses heroically.) See? (WIND HOWLS. ALL sway to the RIGHT I’m finally going home. again.) ALICE: (Sings.) I’m finally going home 35 SCARECROW: Perhaps I was mistaken. That’s more than just a 35 To embrace that one space that nothing can replace. breeze! GLINDA: (Sings.) Time to travel back where it all began. DOROTHY: I know those winds. We have them all the time in Kansas, TIN MAN: (Sings.) Warms my heart. and that’s what brought me here to begin with. You’re exactly right, LION: (Sings.) Calms my fear. Scarecrow. It’s not a breeze. It’s a… 40 SCARECROW: (Sings.) All my thoughts are coming crystal clear. SCARECROW: Tornado! TIN MAN: A tornado? Oh, no!

64 5 RIGHTS MUST BE PURCHASED BEFORE REPRODUCING THIS SCRIPT 1 LION: Oh, that’s nothing! Come on, let me at it. (Turns LEFT to face the 1 KNIGHT: We only ask that you would lead us as we face the wicked wind again. WIND HOWLS.) one, Your Majesties. SCARECROW: Don’t you dare, Lion. Even though you’re full of courage ALICE: Your Majesties? now, you’d be a fool to go head on with a tornado. Come on, FIVE: You’re our queens now. 5 everyone. We must find shelter! And fast! 5 DOROTHY: Oh, my! TIN MAN: No! It’s too late! Look! It’s here! (Points OFF LEFT. ALL look ALICE: Oh, but we can’t. We must be getting back home to our loved OFF LEFT, then turn to run OFF RIGHT. But it’s too late, the storm is ones. upon them. LIGHTS FLICKER and WIND HOWLS to simulate a storm. KNIGHT: Then who shall lead us? DOROTHY, TOTO, SCARECROW, TIN MAN and LION move about the 10 stage as if they are spinning up into the funnel.) Oh, dear! It’s got DOROTHY: I know just the pair. The Hare and the Hatter shall lead us! It’s got us! (MUSIC continues under the following dialogue until 10 you. indicated. DANCERS ENTER LEFT and RIGHT, simulating the tornado MARCH HARE: (Looks up, surprised.) What’s that? I thought I heard by circling the stage. They twirl long, black streamers, creating the my name! look of swirling wind. [See PRODUCTION NOTES.]) SCARECROW: You did. 15 SCARECROW: Everyone stay calm! MAD HATTER: But how are we to lead the people? It’s tea time. TIN MAN: Stay calm? But I’m afraid of heights! Oh, dear, my new heart 15 SCARECROW: Then, your first decree should be to find Time to make is about to pound right out of my chest! Maybe I should’ve asked amends. Or… perhaps you could simply have your watch fixed. the wizard for some courage instead! That way, you’ll be free to rule. SCARECROW: Oh, my! All my stuffing is starting to unstuff! (Desperately MARCH HARE: But they all think us mad. 20 tries to keep his stuffing in. TOTO barks like mad.) DOROTHY: You are not mad. You just see things differently. And that’s DOROTHY: Toto! Oh, don’t be afraid, Toto! (TOTO’S bark turns to a 20 a good thing. (To CARDS and CHESS PIECES.) They shall lead you. scared whimper as DOROTHY holds him close.) KNIGHT: And we shall follow. Thank you, once again, Queen Alice LION: There’s nothing to be afraid of. We’re just flying is all! Flying high and Queen Dorothy. (ALICE and DOROTHY bow to them. CARDS and up in the sky just like those flying monkeys! CHESS PIECES stand and .) 25 TIN MAN: Oh, don’t mention them! Not now! Those monkeys give me SCARECROW: (To ALICE and DOROTHY.) That was a very wise thing the heebeejeebees! (DANCERS dance wildly about as the storm 25 you did there. grows stronger. The OTHERS continue to be tossed and turned TIN MAN: Oh, dear! It’s all so wonderful, I’m getting all misty-eyed! as the WIND HOWLS even more. ONE DANCER twirls ON with an DOROTHY: Oh, do be careful, Tin Man. You’ll get all rusted up again. umbrella.) LION: All right, then. What about Dorothy? 30 DOROTHY: Would you look at that! TIN MAN: Yeah! You said you could help her, too! SCARECROW: That’s the umbrella that the always carried! 30 GLINDA: I can. And I will. It’s as easy as can be. After all, she wears the silver slippers. All it takes is three clicks of the heels and the TIN MAN: Oh, don’t mention her, either! She really gives me the slippers will take her wherever she wishes to go. She could have heebeejeebees! (ANOTHER DANCER twirls by with a strange hat.) returned home the very day she put them on. 35 Oh, my! What’s that? DOROTHY: Really? All this time I had the power to go home and didn’t LION: I haven’t a clue. 35 know? SCARECROW: I’m afraid I don’t know what that is either! GLINDA: Yes. You could have gone home as soon as you put them on LION: Oh, now, don’t tell me you’re afraid of that little thing! in Land. DOROTHY: I know what that is. That’s a munchkin hat! All the munchkins SCARECROW: (To DOROTHY.) But then you might have never helped 40 wear them! (TOTO barks at the hat as it passes. ANOTHER DANCER me find the Wizard to get my brains. spins by with a yellow brick.) 40 TIN MAN: And I my heart!

6 63 1 huff. KING OF HEARTS, WHITE RABBIT, CHESS PIECES, CARDS and 1 TIN MAN: Now, I know what that is! the remainder of the GALLERY, except for MAD HATTER and MARCH SCARECROW: Of course! Anyone would know what that is! HARE, EXIT.) LION: That’s a part of the . ALICE: (Runs to GLINDA.) You mean you can really help me return SCARECROW: You are correct. 5 home? 5 DOROTHY: It looks like all of Oz is caught up in this tornado! (WIND GLINDA: Yes. HOWLS and the DANCERS dance wildly with their streamers. ALL ALICE: But you couldn’t before. move with the wind, until LION, SCARECROW and TIN MAN begin to DOROTHY: You mean, you two have already met? be swept away.) No! Oh, no! Lion! Tin Man! Come back! (TIN MAN GLINDA: Why, yes, when I first came to this Wonderland to help you. and LION are each grabbed by a DANCER and pulled OFF RIGHT. 10 Another DANCER grabs SCARECROW and begins to pull him OFF 10 ALICE: I’m sorry. I forgot to tell you she was looking for you, Dorothy. So much has been happening. (To GLINDA.) How can you help me LEFT.) get home now? SCARECROW: (As he is being swept away.) Dorothy! GLINDA: Now that I know how magic works in this land, I can have DOROTHY: Scarecrow! Come back! you home in a matter of moments. All you have to do is drink the SCARECROW: It’s no use, Dorothy! I can’t fight this wind! 15 potion you’ve been carrying with you all this time. 15 DOROTHY: (Anguished.) No! ALICE: Oh, my! (Reaches into her pocket and pulls out a tiny bottle.) SCARECROW: Oh, Dorothy! Goodbye, Dorothy! Don’t worry. I shall find But I was afraid this would make me grow smaller again. you again… someday! (He is OFF.) GLINDA: No. Didn’t you read the label? DOROTHY: (Sees that he is gone.) Oh, Scarecrow, not you, too! ALICE: Why, yes! It only said, “Drink me.” (DOROTHY weeps. SOUND of wind recedes. Remaining DANCERS 20 GLINDA: Well then? 20 EXIT LEFT and RIGHT. LIGHTS return to NORMAL. DOROTHY and ALICE: Well, everything else I drank changed my size so I supposed TOTO stop spinning and appear to be in a free fall. [See PRODUCTION this would, too! (Looks at GLINDA.) But… I found this when I first NOTES.]) At least I still have you, Toto. (Looks around.) But look, arrived here! I could have been home ages ago! the storm has passed! We’re not flying anymore!(TOTO barks.) No. We’re certainly not flying, but we do seem to be… falling. GLINDA: (Laughs.) Sometimes it’s better to take the journey than to 25 Oh, my! I can’t even see the ground from here! We must have 25 simply skip to the end. flown up ever so high!(DANCER “floats” IN with a map and passes DOROTHY: But what about all the people of Wonderland? DOROTHY. [See PRODUCTION NOTES.] TOTO barks at it as it passes. GLINDA: What about them? Then, MORE DANCERS ENTER, floating by with books and a jar of DOROTHY: We haven’t beaten the Queen at croquet. The wizard said orange marmalade, passing DOROTHY, who looks at each of them she’ll enslave them all unless we beat her. (CARDS and CHESS 30 curiously. A DANCER with a book floats towards DOROTHY, she reads 30 PIECES ENTER, line up and kneel.) as it opens and passes before her.) “Do cats eat bats? Do bats eat KNIGHT: Alice, Dorothy and friends, allows us to show you all our cats?” (The DANCER with the book floats away and the DANCER deepest gratitude. with the jar of orange marmalade floats by her.) Hmmm… (Reads the label.) …orange marmalade. (To TOTO.) I say, we must be well ALICE: Why’s that? 35 past the great desert by now. One thing is for sure. I don’t think SEVEN: You stood up to the Queen. we’re in Oz anymore, Toto. Perhaps, we’re close to Kansas again. 35 KNIGHT: You showed great bravery. If you’re brave enough to face her, Hmmm… I wonder what longitude and latitude we’re at? (Yawns.) then we think that we can, too. Oh, we must be falling for miles and miles. How tiresome this is! DOROTHY: So you won’t allow her to enslave the people of Wonderland? (Yawns again. DOROTHY appears almost ready to go to sleep. TOTO FIVE: No. We never wanted to help her, but we were just so afraid. 40 barks at books and the jar as the DANCERS float around the stage with them and then float OFF. DOROTHY and TOTO begin falling DOROTHY: Then the wizard was right. It was all just a show! faster. Suddenly, DOROTHY and TOTO kneel, as if they’ve landed at

62 7 1 the end of their fall just as the MUSIC ENDS. DOROTHY brushes 1 to help their friends. KING and QUEEN OF HEARTS are shouting out herself off.) Well now, that was awfully, terribly, downright— (MUSIC orders. MARCH HARE and MAD HATTER sip tea and clap, enjoying CUE 2b: “White Rabbit–Entrance.”) the show, as do the OTHERS in the gallery. KNAVE OF HEARTS tries WHITE RABBIT: (Races ON LEFT. Looks at his watch. Sings.) to sneak away, but TOTO chases after him, barking. MUSIC CUE 10a: 5 Oh, gosh! Oh, gee! 5 “Glinda’s Entrance-Underscore.” ALL pause and look around to see Someplace that I must be! where the music is coming from. It’s in this momentary silence that Hurry, scurry, GLINDA ENTERS. MUSIC UNDER the following dialogue.) How I worry someone waits on me! (TOTO barks.) GLINDA: Hello, everyone! DOROTHY: (Speaks to TOTO.) How strange! Why, that looks like the DOROTHY: It’s Glinda! The ! Oh, how happy we 10 very same rabbit we saw before in— 10 are to see you! WHITE RABBIT: (Sings.) The queen! The shrew! GLINDA: And the same to you. I must skedaddle doo! TIN MAN: You just have to help us. She’ll blow her top! LION: The Queen is going to have our heads. My head she’ll chop! GLINDA: Is that so? 15 I mustn’t stop, so toodle-oo! (Races OFF LEFT as TOTO barks and 15 KING OF HEARTS: Yes! And she won’t be kept waiting. (MUSIC OUT.) chases him OFF. MUSIC OUT.) GLINDA: Well, I’m afraid you’ll be waiting for a very long time. After all, DOROTHY: No! Come back! Come back, White Rabbit, come back! you can’t bring any harm to Dorothy. Not as long as she’s wearing (Races OFF LEFT after TOTO and WHITE RABBIT, as the LIGHTS those slippers. (Points her wand at DOROTHY’S silver slippers.) FADE to BLACK.) QUEEN OF HEARTS: Then, off with her shoes! End of Scene One 20 GLINDA: (Laughs.) You won’t get far with that either. The girl’s shoes ACT ONE hold a strong enchantment. You can’t touch her. Scene Two – The Live Garden QUEEN OF HEARTS: Fine. Then, off with Alice’s head. 20 LIGHTS UP: CATERPILLAR sits on a mushroom STAGE RIGHT and GLINDA: (Points her wand at QUEEN OF HEARTS.) I wouldn’t do that if blows bubbles. FLOWERS stand LEFT, chatting with each other. (NOTE: I were you. As the FLOWERS are, well… flowers, they would be firmly rooted in 25 QUEEN OF HEARTS: What’s this? A threat against the Queen? Off with the ground and should not move around the stage. They may stand or the witch’s head! kneel in place.) MUSIC CUE 2c: “White Rabbit–Entrance.” GLINDA: I’d like to see you try. With a simple flick of my wand, I could 25 WHITE RABBIT: (Rushes ON LEFT. FLOWERS FREEZE. WHITE RABBIT turn you all into spades. looks at his watch. Sings.) Oh, rats! Oh, drats! QUEEN OF HEARTS: You wouldn’t. My belfry’s full of bats! Carumba! Ay Chihuahua! 30 GLINDA: Try me. Far too many this and thats! (FLOWERS UNFREEZE and turn to QUEEN OF HEARTS: (Very angry.) What is it you want? 30 watch as WHITE RABBIT races OFF RIGHT. MUSIC OUT.) GLINDA: Why, I only want to help. I believe I can help you all actually. DOROTHY: (Runs ON LEFT with TOTO. FLOWERS FREEZE again.) White KING OF HEARTS: How’s that? Rabbit! Come back! (TOTO races RIGHT barking at WHITE RABBIT. GLINDA: Well, you want to get rid of these girls, Alice and Dorothy, and DOROTHY crosses and looks OFF.) Oh, fiddlesticks! We’ve lost 35 their friends. And they only wish to get home. I can help you all. him! (FLOWERS UNFREEZE and giggle. DOROTHY turns.) What? QUEEN OF HEARTS: Very well, but you don’t make the rules here. I 35 Who’s there? (Without moving, FLOWERS giggle again. DOROTHY do. And, besides, they still must be sentenced. Therefore, I invoke cannot tell who is giggling.) I recognize that laughter. Is that you, rule forty-three. All persons from other lands must go back to their little Munchkins? You can come out. It’s me. Dorothy. Don’t land at once. And if I see any of these scoundrels in my gardens you remember? I saved you from the ! 40 again, it’ll be… off with their heads! Court dismissed. (EXITS in a (FLOWERS giggle, again without moving. TOTO crosses and sniffs at

8 61 RIGHTS MUST BE PURCHASED BEFORE REPRODUCING THIS SCRIPT 1 We won’t be happy ’til they’re dead, dead, dead! 1 TIGER LILY’S feet.) Munchkins! Where are you? Come out, come Off with their heads! out, wherever you are! (Puts her hands on her hips.) Hmph! Well, Off with their heads! they must not remember me. I guess it has been such a long time You’ve just stuck out your neck! since we left the Munchkin city. (Crosses to TOTO and FLOWERS.) 5 WINKIES: (Sing.) Yo-o-ee-o, yo-o-ee-o! 5 My! Look at how the flowers grow here! They’re so big! And still Yo-o-ee-o, yo-o! ever so lovely, aren’t they, Toto? (Smells ROSE.) Yo-o-ee-o, yo-o-ee-o! ROSE: (UNFREEZES.) Hey, now! Back off, why don’t ya? Yo-o! (MUNCHKINS ENTER.) DOROTHY: (Jumps back.) Oh, my! You can talk? MUNCHKINS: (Sing.) We just arrived from Munchkin Land, TULIP: Of course we can talk! 10 From Munchkin Land, from Munchkin Land! 10 TIGER LILY: When there’s anyone worth talking to. We just arrived from Munchkin Land! ROSE: And there hardly ever is! And we don’t know where the heck we are! TULIP: Oh, now, Rose, don’t be such a thorn! She’s just a little girl. QUEEN OF HEARTS: (Speaks. Angry and confused.) Where did all DOROTHY: But you’re so large! these people come from? (The following section is sung as a TRIO.) ROSE: Who are you calling large? 15 GROUP ONE: (Sing.) You’re nothing but a wicked ol’ witch! 15 TIGER LILY: Yeah. You’re the one that’s tiny! A queen without a heart. DOROTHY: Oh. I guess I hadn’t thought of it that way. Your evil can’t survive, the truth will tear your world apart. Yes, you’re nothing but a wicked ol’ witch! TIGER LILY: Maybe you shouldn’t always be thinking of yourself. The world will vilify! TULIP: You should try putting yourself in someone else’s roots for a change. 20 GROUP TWO: (Sing.) Off with your heads! 20 DOROTHY: That’s very wise, thank you. But am I really only as high MUNCHKINS: (Sing.) They’ll swim in red! as a flower? GROUP TWO: (Sing.) Off with your heads! TIGER LILY: (Offended.) Only as high as a flower! MUNCHKINS: (Sing.) The truth said. ROSE: You better watch it, short stuff! GROUP TWO/MUNCHKINS: (Sing.) We won’t be happy TULIP: If you don’t have anything nice to say, then you shouldn’t say 25 ’Til you’re dead, dead, dead! 25 anything at all! GROUP TWO: (Sing.) Off with your heads! DOROTHY: Yes. My Aunt Em tells me that all the time. Oh, but I didn’t MUNCHKINS: (Sing.) The people cry! mean to be unkind. I’m so sorry I disturbed you. GROUP TWO: (Sing.) Off with your heads! TULIP: Don’t worry about it. MUNCHKINS: (Sing.) Say goodbye! ROSE: Just keep your nose to yourself and you’ll be fine! 30 WINKIES: (Sing.) Yo-o-ee-o, yo-o-ee-o! 30 TIGER LILY: (To TOTO.) And that goes for you, too, you little mutt! Yo-o-ee-o, yo-o! (Shoos him away.) Shhshhshhshhshhh! Yo-o-ee-o, yo-o-ee-o! Yo-o! (End of TRIO.) DOROTHY: (Offended.) Now, that isn’t very nice at all! He didn’t mean GROUP ONE/GROUP TWO: (Sing.) Your case is built upon a lie! anything by it, and neither did I! Come on, Toto. We must find a ALL: (Sing.) Your turn to die! (MUSIC OUT. DOROTHY grabs a glass of way out of this place and back to Kansas. (Turns RIGHT to go. 35 water from the defense table and throws it on QUEEN OF HEARTS. 35 CATERPILLAR stands up tall on the mushroom. DOROTHY stops, GALLERY gasps.) startled.) QUEEN OF HEARTS: (Carefully fixes her hair and composes herself. CATERPILLAR: Who are you? Then, rages.) Off with her head! Off with it at once! Off I say! (Chaos DOROTHY: I’m . Of Kansas. breaks out in the courtroom. CARDS and CHESS PIECES attempt to CATERPILLAR: Are you sure about that? (FLOWERS giggle. CATERPILLAR 40 seize DOROTHY and LION. ALICE, SCARECROW and TIN MAN step in 40 blows bubbles.)

60 9 RIGHTS MUST BE PURCHASED BEFORE REPRODUCING THIS SCRIPT 1 DOROTHY: Yes. Why wouldn’t I be? 1 DOROTHY: (Sings.) You’re nothing but a wicked ol’ witch, CATERPILLAR: I’ll ask the questions. Not you. And we have seen our share! DOROTHY: Now, that hardly seems fair. Your game of treachery will leave you playing solitaire. CATERPILLAR: Why? GROUP ONE: (Sing.) Yes, you’re nothing but a wicked ol’ witch! 5 Time someone took you down! 5 DOROTHY: For starters, I don’t even know who you are. I should at least know your name, since I gave you mine. Without your crown, no one will care! CATERPILLAR: (Blows bubbles.) Why? QUEEN OF HEARTS: (Sings.) DOROTHY: Because that’s how a proper meeting goes. I’m shown undying love and loyalty from all in my dominion. I barely clap, and they all snap to meet my every whim. CATERPILLAR: (Blows bubbles.) Why? 10 Their kneeling and their bowing 10 DOROTHY: Because it’s polite. Warms my heart as they’re kowtowing. CATERPILLAR: How so? And if they don’t, I’ll have them torn limb from limb. DOROTHY: (Frustrated.) Well, this is clearly useless! Come, Toto! Off with her head! CATERPILLAR: Where are you going? Off with her head! DOROTHY: To Kansas. 15 We won’t be happy ‘til she’s dead, dead, dead! 15 CATERPILLAR: Where is Kansas? Off with her head! DOROTHY: I don’t know, if you must know. But if you know, it would be She stole the tarts! kind of you to tell me. Her head’s been doomed right from the start! (WINKIES [SOLDIERS CATERPILLAR: (Thinks about it briefly.) No. (FLOWERS giggle. of the WICKED WITCH OF THE WEST from the ] suddenly CATERPILLAR blows bubbles.) 20 appear, MARCHING IN. The QUEEN OF HEARTS and GROUP TWO are 20 DOROTHY: No as in you don’t know, or no as in you won’t tell me. startled, confused by the entrance of the SOLDIERS.) CATERPILLAR: Yes. WINKIES: (Sing.) Yo-o-ee-o, yo-ee-o! DOROTHY: (Frustrated.) Well, I’ve had enough of this. You’re very rude, Yo-o-ee-o, yo-ee-o! (The following two stanzas are sung as a duet.) and you ask too many questions. Come on, Toto. (Starts to go.) GROUP ONE: (Sing.) You have picked a worthy foe. CATERPILLAR: Come back! I’ve something important to say. (DOROTHY 25 We’re brave and ready to do battle. 25 stops and returns to CATERPILLAR, who first blows a very slow and You’ll never rattle us with all your prattle, threats and cries! serious bubble. Then, recites.) WINKIES: (Sing.) Yo-o-ee-o, yo-o-ee-o! A tutor who tooted a flute Yo-o-ee-o, yo-ee-o! (The following two stanzas are sung as a duet.) Tried to tutor two tooters to toot. GROUP TWO: (Sing.) You haven’t got a prayer. Said the two to their tutor, 30 You’re staring at your final hour. 30 “Is it harder to toot or Who’ll volunteer to be the first one who dies? To tutor two tooters to toot?” WINKIES: (Sing.) Yo-o-ee-o, yo-o-ee-o! DOROTHY: Is that all? Yo-o-ee-o, yo-ee-o! (The following three stanzas are sung as a trio.) CATERPILLAR: No. (Blows bubbles. DOROTHY watches, confused and GROUP ONE: (Sing.) You’re nothing but a wicked ol’ witch! curious. Without another word, CATERPILLAR turns to go.) 35 A Queen without a heart 35 DOROTHY: Oh, this is simply absurd! The truth will tear your world apart. CATERPILLAR: (As he goes.) One side will make you grow. The other Yes, you’re nothing but a wicked ol’ witch, will make you shrink. (EXITS RIGHT.) Dealing a crooked deck! DOROTHY: One side will make me grow? Hmmm… I do seem to be You’ve just stuck out your neck! very small. Why, I’m only as high as a caterpillar. If we’re ever to 40 GROUP TWO: (Sing.) Off with their heads! Off with their heads!

10 59 1 SCARECROW: For the record, can you identify the Knave? Is he sitting 1 get back to Kansas, I should want to be the proper size. But what in this courtroom? do you suppose he means, Toto? One side of what? ALICE: Yes! He’s right over there! (GALLERY gasps.) CATERPILLAR: (Steps back ON RIGHT.) Of the mushroom. (Blows a WHITE RABBIT: Objection! bubble and is OFF again. FLOWERS giggle as DOROTHY inspects the 5 mushroom and the LIGHTS FADE to BLACK.) 5 QUEEN OF HEARTS: Overruled! WHITE RABBIT: But, Your Majesty! She just implicated my client. End of Scene Two QUEEN OF HEARTS: Silence or I’ll hold you in contempt! (GALLERY ACT ONE gasps.) Scene Three – The Tin Man’s Arrest MAD HATTER: (To MARCH HARE.) But she already holds everyone in LIGHTS UP: HUMPTY DUMPTY sits on a short wall, looking around, 10 contempt. twiddling his fingers and seeming quite bored. LION: (Stands and points out KNAVE OF HEARTS.) I saw him, too! He TIN MAN: (ENTERS RIGHT, crosses to the UPSTAGE side of the wall, did it, Your Honor! and places his oil can on top of the wall.) Excuse me, sir. Have you QUEEN OF HEARTS: (Pounds her gavel.) Order! Sit down or I’ll have 10 seen Dorothy? (HUMPTY DUMPTY looks the other way. TIN MAN your head, too! crosses to his other side to face him again.) I said, have you seen 15 LION: You’re just full of hot air! I’m not afraid of you! (GALLERY gasps.) Dorothy? (HUMPTY DUMPTY looks the other way.) Why! What a curious creature! I say, he looks just like an egg! QUEEN OF HEARTS: So be it. (Pounds her gavel.) Off with his head! (CHESS PIECES go for him.) HUMPTY DUMPTY: (Turns again.) Now, just who do you think you are, 15 calling me an egg? LION: (Puts up his fists.) Come on, then. Who’s first? I’m not afraid! (CHESS PIECES, now scared, keep their distance.) TIN MAN: I’m sorry. I didn’t say you were an egg. I said you looked like an egg. You are one, aren’t you? After all, you are awfully oblong. 20 QUEEN OF HEARTS: (Pounds her gavel.) Off with his head! Off with his head! Get him! HUMPTY DUMPTY: (Offended.) How insulting! DOROTHY: No! Stop it! He didn’t do anything! TIN MAN: Oh, I didn’t mean it that way. You mustn’t get all boiled up 20 about it! QUEEN OF HEARTS: (Continues to shout.) Off with his head! HUMPTY DUMPTY: Boiled? Now, you really are trying to pick a fight. DOROTHY: Stop it! He doesn’t deserve this! TIN MAN: No! No! I don’t wish to fight you. 25 QUEEN OF HEARTS: Off with his head! And when you’re done with him, remove hers next! (Points to DOROTHY.) HUMPTY DUMPTY: Sounds like it to me. DOROTHY: No! No! No! Why, you’re no queen! (MUSIC CUE 10: “Wicked TIN MAN: But it’s true. I have a new heart. I’m a lover, not a fighter. Ol’ Witch.” [DOROTHY, ALICE, SCARECROW, TIN MAN and LION are 25 Here. Listen to this. (Recites.) “It is not enough to say we must not GROUP ONE; QUEEN OF HEARTS, KING OF HEARTS, WHITE RABBIT, wage war. It is necessary to love peace and sacrifice for it.” 30 KNAVE OF HEARTS, FIVE and SEVEN are GROUP TWO.] Speaks.) HUMPTY DUMPTY: (Laughs.) Now you’re really cracking me up! You’re nothing but a wicked ol’ witch! TIN MAN: (Changes the subject.) Please, sir, by any chance, have you (Sings.) How dare you threaten us! met a girl by the name of Dorothy? You’re nothing but a fancy piece of cardboard! 30 HUMPTY DUMPTY: I don’t know. What’s your name? All you can muster is your bluster, and we’ve had enough! TIN MAN: (Frustrated.) Well, I’m not a girl, now am I? 35 SCARECROW/TIN MAN/LION: (Sing.) Try your darndest to berate us. HUMPTY DUMPTY: How should I know that? I’m just an egg. You will not intimidate us! TIN MAN: I thought you said— GROUP ONE: (Sing.) There’s nothing to you. HUMPTY DUMPTY: I may call myself an egg if I wish, but you may not. We see through you. 35 TIN MAN: Very well. I’m a tin man. A tin woodsman, that is. You can Time to call your bluff! call me Tin Man.

58 11 1 HUMPTY DUMPTY: (Smiles and reaches out to shake hands.) Oh, well, 1 QUEEN OF HEARTS: Denied! in that case, it’s nice to meet you. I’m Humpty Duuuu… (Falls off MARCH HARE: (To MAD HATTER.) Ooh! This is getting good! the wall on the UPSTAGE side.) SCARECROW: Very well. Then, I would like to call my client to the TIN MAN: (Looks down to where Humpty Dumpty fell behind the wall.) stand. (ALICE stands and crosses to the witness stand.) 5 Oh, dear! How awful! He’s broken into a thousand little pieces! 5 FIVE: (Holds up his hand. ALICE does the same.) Do you swear to tell (Calls out.) Help! Someone! Anyone, please! (KING OF HEARTS the Queen she’s pretty and do nothing but flatter and obey her at ENTERS LEFT followed by PAWN and ROOK.) all times, so help your head? KING OF HEARTS: Are you the one who called for help? ALICE: I do. (Sits. FIVE steps aside.) TIN MAN: Yes. It was me. SCARECROW: Where were you on the day the tarts were stolen? 10 KING OF HEARTS: Me? No! Of course, it wasn’t me, you fool. I didn’t 10 QUEEN OF HEARTS: (Pounds her gavel.) Objection! cry for help. You must mean to say that it was you. SCARECROW: On what grounds? TIN MAN: Yes. That is exactly what I meant to say. QUEEN OF HEARTS: I don’t like how you asked the question. KING OF HEARTS: Very well. It was I who heard your cries for help. SCARECROW: Pardon me, Your Honor, Your Majesty. (To ALICE.) Were TIN MAN: And I’m so glad you did! you there on the day the tarts were stolen? (Looks up at QUEEN OF 15 KING OF HEARTS: No. You didn’t. I did! I just said that. Didn’t you 15 HEARTS, who nods her approval.) hear me? ALICE: Yes. TIN MAN: (Confused, chooses his words carefully this time.) Yes… you QUEEN OF HEARTS: Off with her head! (GALLERY gasps.) did hear me. SCARECROW: Objection! (GALLERY gasps.) KING OF HEARTS: Excellent! It’s a good thing that you heard me and QUEEN OF HEARTS: Denied! 20 that I heard you. Well then, after I heard you, I gathered all my men and now we have arrived. What’s the trouble? 20 SCARECROW: That is not an admission of guilt, Your Majesty. After all, if she was there, she may have information about the true TIN MAN: He’s fallen! stealer of the tarts. KING OF HEARTS: Who’s fallen? QUEEN OF HEARTS: Very well. Proceed. TIN MAN: I didn’t fully get his name. Humpty something. SCARECROW: (To ALICE.) And what did you see when you first arrived? 25 ROOK: (Crosses behind the wall.) Back here, sire. We’ve got a man 25 ALICE: I saw the tarts sitting on a table. down. QUEEN OF HEARTS: Off with her head! (GALLERY gasps.) TIN MAN: An egg, that is. SCARECROW: Objection! (GALLERY gasps.) Your Honor, may I approach PAWN: Looks like fowl play. the bench? ROOK: Yeah. Looks like he was pushed over. QUEEN OF HEARTS: Granted. 30 PAWN: A pretty easy thing to do. 30 SCARECROW: Your Honor, it’s much too hasty to sentence anyone. If KING OF HEARTS: So he was pushed over easy, then? you just wait a moment, you’ll see that the Knave is the one who’s ROOK: That’s what I’d say. guilty and then you can sentence him. And… you’re very pretty. KING OF HEARTS: But was it planned? QUEEN OF HEARTS: Very well. Continue. PAWN: I’d definitely say a plot was hatched. TIN MAN: Oh, dear! This isn’t going well! I fear the poor girl is doomed! 35 TIN MAN: Oh, no. It’s not what it looks like. It was an accident. 35 LION: Don’t be scared, Tin Man. I saw the whole thing and Alice is KING OF HEARTS: Hmmm… you seem to know quite a bit about what completely innocent. Don’t worry. Scarecrow will work it all out. happened here, iron man. TIN MAN: I certainly hope so. TIN MAN: Tin. I’m a tin man. SCARECROW: (To ALICE.) And what happened next? ALICE: That’s when the Knave came in and stole the tarts!

12 57 RIGHTS MUST BE PURCHASED BEFORE REPRODUCING THIS SCRIPT ACT TWO 1 PAWN: (Shocked.) Oooh! (NOTE: This could also be delivered as Scene Four – The Trial “Ewww!” with a grossed out expression, whichever works best for 1 LIGHTS UP: The Queen’s courtroom. Typical courtroom setup with a you.) You’re walking on eggshells there, man. table and chair for the judge, a witness chair next to this, a table with ROOK: Yeah. I’d be careful correcting the King, if I were you. typewriter and chair, prosecution and defense tables and chairs, and 5 PAWN: No. (Points to the floor.)I mean, he’s really walking on chairs for the gallery. There is a glass of water on the defense table. eggshells. (To TIN MAN.) Step back, you’re disturbing the crime 5 QUEEN OF HEARTS sits in the judge’s box. SEVEN sits at the scene. (Pushes TIN MAN aside.) typewriter as the courtroom stenographer. FIVE acts as the Bailiff. TIN MAN: But there was no crime. KNAVE OF HEARTS sits in the witness box. WHITE RABBIT heads up KING OF HEARTS: We’ll see what the Queen thinks about that. Men, the prosecution along with KING OF HEARTS and CARDS or CHESS 10 arrest him. (CHESS PIECES grab TIN MAN and start to pull him PIECES. SCARECROW heads up the defense, where ALICE sits as both LEFT.) 10 suspect and witness. DOROTHY, TIN MAN and SCARECROW also sit at the defense table. DORMOUSE sleeps nearby. There is no jury, but TIN MAN: But I’m telling you, and I cross my heart, I didn’t do anything MAD HATTER and MARCH HARE sit in the gallery along with the rest of wrong. the CAST, except for GLINDA. KNAVE OF HEARTS is at the end of his KING OF HEARTS: Cross your heart? Oh, you’ve done it now! How testimony. 15 dare you cross the Queen! 15 WHITE RABBIT: And what was in your bag when Lion gave it to the TIN MAN: Oh, but I never meant it that way. footman? KING OF HEARTS: Arrest him! Now! No one crosses the Queen and KNAVE OF HEARTS: (Innocent.) Why, nothing but my collection of keeps their head! charts. (GALLERY gasps.) TIN MAN: No, no, that’s not what I— QUEEN OF HEARTS: (Pounds her gavel.) Silence! 20 ROOK: Quiet! We have to read you your last rights. 20 WHITE RABBIT: Could you repeat that? For the record? PAWN: You are under arrest. You have the right to become headless. KNAVE OF HEARTS: The bag was full of charts. (WHITE RABBIT nods Anything you say or do will be used against you. You have the right to SEVEN, who types furiously.) to have a gurney present during executioning. If you cannot afford WHITE RABBIT: There you have it! The Knave of Hearts didn’t steal a gurney, a shallow grave will be appointed for you. the tarts, Your Majesty. The Knave of Hearts merely collected 25 KING OF HEARTS: Very well, then. Take him away. 25 charts! (Bows.) The prosecution rests. TIN MAN: What kinds of rights are those? QUEEN OF HEARTS: (To KNAVE OF HEARTS.) You may step down. ROOK: Like we said. Your last rights. (CHESS PIECES laugh.) (KNAVE OF HEARTS stands and crosses to the prosecution table.) KING OF HEARTS: After all, the Queen is sure to have your head. Away Defense, you’re up! with him! SCARECROW: Your Majesty, I would like to first ask that all references 30 TIN MAN: Wait! No! I didn’t do anything! (CHESS PIECES pull him OFF 30 to my client as the defense be stricken from the record. It’s very LEFT.) clear that the Knave of Hearts is the one on trial here. KING OF HEARTS: (Peeks over the wall to look at HUMPTY DUMPTY WHITE RABBIT: Objection! and reacts to the sight.) Ewww! (Notices the oil can on the wall. QUEEN OF HEARTS: (To WHITE RABBIT.) Denied! (To SCARECROW.) Picks it up and looks at it curiously.) Hmmm… I heard a story about And denied! Let the record show that both parties are guilty until 35 this once. Genie, come out! (Rubs the oil can and looks around 35 proven innocent. (SEVEN nods.) excitedly as if a genie will appear. When nothing happens, KING OF WHITE RABBIT: But, Your Majesty— HEARTS is disappointed. He rubs it again.) Open sesame! (Nothing. QUEEN OF HEARTS: (Pounds her gavel.) Denied! (WHITE RABBIT Disappointed, he shrugs and tosses the oil can aside and EXITS returns to his table.) LEFT as the LIGHTS FADE to BLACK.) End of Scene Three SCARECROW: Secondly, Your Honor, Your Majesty, I would also like to 40 ask that the Knave’s entire testimony be stricken from the record.

56 13 RIGHTS MUST BE PURCHASED BEFORE REPRODUCING THIS SCRIPT ACT ONE 1 KNIGHT: (Sees ALICE and shouts.) That’s her! That’s her! (To ALICE.) Scene Four – The Battle Stop right there! 1 LIGHTS UP: TWEEDLE DEE and TWEEDLE DUM bounce around with LION: (Shields ALICE.) She didn’t do anything! fists up, about to have their battle. SCARECROW: What’s going on here? TWEEDLE DEE: Come on! Put ’em up! Put ’em up! 5 LION: They think she stole the Queen’s tarts, but I saw the whole thing. TWEEDLE DUM: Easy there, pal. You’re likely to put out an eye! It was the Knave of Hearts! (MUSIC CUE 9f: “Fanfare.” QUEEN OF 5 TWEEDLE DEE: I’d like to put out your eye! HEARTS, KING OF HEARTS, WHITE RABBIT and EXTRA CARDS and TWEEDLE DUM: Oh, yeah? CHESS PIECES ENTER LEFT. MUSIC OUT.) TWEEDLE DEE: Yeah! KING OF HEARTS: What’s going on over here? There’s too much 10 shouting! Why have you disrupted our game? TWEEDLE DUM: Oh, yeah? KNIGHT: (Kneels.) My King. I do not wish to get in the way of your TWEEDLE DEE: Yeah! pleasantries. However, it seems that we have found the fugitive. 10 TWEEDLE DUM: Well, I’d like to see you try! KING OF HEARTS: Which one? TWEEDLE DEE: Try? Try? I’ll do more than try! I’ll do it! As a wise man KNIGHT: Alice. (Points to her.) once said, “Do or do not. There is no try.” 15 KING OF HEARTS: Nonsense! That girl’s name is Beatrice. TWEEDLE DUM: Oh, so you’re a wise guy now, eh? KNIGHT: But I saw her with my own eyes. She was at the scene of TWEEDLE DEE: Yeah! the crime. 15 TWEEDLE DUM: Oh, yeah? KING OF HEARTS: Seize her! (CARDS and CHESS PIECES rush ALICE TWEEDLE DEE: Yeah! (They continue to bounce around ready to fight.) and LION. Seeing no way out, they easily give in.) What shall we do Give me your best shot. 20 with her, my Queen? TWEEDLE DUM: You go first. That way you’ll at least have a fighting QUEEN OF HEARTS: (Crosses to ALICE and looks her over closely.) Off chance. with her head! 20 TWEEDLE DEE: I already have the advantage. DOROTHY: Oh, my! TWEEDLE DUM: Oh, yeah? Prove it. SEVEN: Don’t forget the other suspect, Your Majesty. TWEEDLE DEE: I’m the oldest. 25 QUEEN OF HEARTS: What other suspect? TWEEDLE DUM: Yeah? Well, I’m the fastest. (Runs around.) SEVEN: The Knave of Hearts. You had us seal him in the dungeon, TWEEDLE DEE: But I’m the smartest. remember? 25 TWEEDLE DUM: Are not! QUEEN OF HEARTS: Oh, yes! (Excited.) Ooh! How exciting! You know TWEEDLE DEE: Am so! what this means, don’t you? TWEEDLE DUM: Are not! 30 KING OF HEARTS: Yes. We must have a trial. TWEEDLE DEE: Am so! QUEEN OF HEARTS: Indeed! Come! We must hold court at once! TWEEDLE DUM: Are so! Someone’s head will roll for this, and I shan’t be kept waiting! (MUSIC CUE 9g: “Processional-Scene Change.” QUEEN OF HEARTS 30 TWEEDLE DEE: Am not! marches OFF LEFT. OTHERS follow behind as the LIGHTS FADE to TWEEDLE DUM: (Laughs.) See? Ha! You’re not the smartest! 35 BLACK. MUSIC OUT.) TWEEDLE DEE: Yeah, well I’m still better. I’m the toughest! (Shows End of Scene Three off his muscles.) TWEEDLE DUM: That’s nothing. I’m the bounciest! (Hops around.) 35 TWEEDLE DEE: And you’re the wimpiest. TWEEDLE DUM: Am not.

14 55 1 TIN MAN: (Starts to loosen up.) Ah! Dorothy! Dorothy! How I’ve longed to 1 TWEEDLE DEE: Are so. see you since we parted! (MUSIC CUE 9d: “Recitation-Underscore.” TWEEDLE DUM: Am not. Sighs and recites.) When thus it was, we two parted TWEEDLE DEE: Are not. In dreadful silence and in tears, TWEEDLE DUM: Am so! 5 ‘Twas I alone, half-broken hearted To sever for so many years. (MUSIC OUT.) 5 TWEEDLE DEE: (Laughs and holds up TWEEDLE DUM’S hand, like the ALICE: (Sighs.) That’s very lovely. victor of a boxing match.) The wimpiest, by unanimous decision! Now who’s the smartest, eh? SCARECROW: What happened to you, Tin Man? TWEEDLE DUM: Not you! TIN MAN: The King of Hearts came and arrested me. It was all a 10 mistake, of course. I hadn’t done anything! But he left my oil can TWEEDLE DEE: Is me. behind and then brought me here, through a terrible rainstorm, 10 TWEEDLE DUM: Not! Not! Not! and I rusted up solid. And it was in the nick of time, too! The TWEEDLE DEE: Is! Is! Is! (They blow raspberries at one another and Queen was just about to have my head removed! continue to bounce around, ready to fight.) DOROTHY: Oh, my! LION: (ENTERS RIGHT.) Hey, now! What’s going on here? (Breaks up 15 TIN MAN: I know. I never thought I’d be so glad to rust, but this time the fight by lifting TWEEDLE DUM up and carrying him over to one it may have just saved my life! 15 side of the stage. TWEEDLE DEE follows, rushing toward them, but LION: That’s a relief. LION lifts TWEEDLE DEE up and carries him to the other side of TIN MAN: Well, it wasn’t all bad. I had lots of time to think about the stage. TWEEDLE DEE and TWEEDLE DUM continue to bounce everything I love in the world. That reminds me! Listen to this! around on opposite sides of the stage, like boxers ready to enter the 20 (MUSIC CUE 9e: “Recitation-Underscore.” Recites.) ring.) What’s all the fighting for? My heart leaps up when I behold 20 TWEEDLE DUM: (Points to TWEEDLE DEE.) He spoiled my nice new A rainbow in the sky. rattle! So was it when my life began. LION: You did? So is it now I am a man. TWEEDLE DEE: I did! 25 So be it when I shall grow old TWEEDLE DUM: He did! So we’ve agreed to have a battle. (MUSIC Or let me rust again and die! (MUSIC OUT.) 25 CUE 3: “I Ain’t a-Scared o’ Nuttin’!”.) MARCH HARE: (Tears up.) Oh! It’s so beautiful! LION: (Speaks.) Very well. (Puts up his fists.) Who’s first? MAD HATTER: (Tries to be strong.) A lovely sentiment, really. And you recite it so very well. (Crumbles into tears on MARCH HARE’S TWEEDLE DEE: (Speaks.) Not with you. 30 shoulder.) TWEEDLE DUM: (Speaks.) With each other! SCARECROW: Well, we’re glad you’re back with us, Tin Man, but we LION: (Speaks.) I can settle this. The one of you that beats me wins mustn’t waste another moment. Dorothy and her friend… (Looks 30 the battle. (Puts up his fists.) Come on! Which one of you thinks around and sees FIVE staring him down.) …Beatrice must defeat they can handle me? I ain’t afraid. Why, I’m the king of the jungle, the Queen of Hearts at croquet before the wizard will help them and this jungle king ain’t a-scared o’ nuttin’. 35 get home, but it’s proving nearly impossible! (Sings.) When you see me comin’, TIN MAN: Even though I was rusted, I saw it all, and I must say it does Better clear the way! look very difficult. 35 Ready for a rough ’n’ tumble LION: Go on, Beatrice. You have to give it another try! Rumble any day. ALICE: Very well. But my hedgehog ended up all the way over there! When I growl, the toughest 40 I fear I’ll never win this dreadful game! (Marches toward the place Crumble up like clay. where her hedgehog ended up. Before she can exit, KNIGHT ENTERS If you’re fixin’ up to mix it up RIGHT. ALICE sees him and screams.) Lion! (Runs to LION.) 40 With me, you’re gonna pay. (Speaks in rhythm.) That’s the score!

54 15 1 TWEEDLE DEE/TWEEDLE DUM: (Speak in rhythm.) That’s the score! 1 ALICE: I’ll try my best. (Gears up and swings. She knocks her hedgehog LION: (Sings.) As my regal bellows roar! (Roars.) directly where it should go, but FIVE, the CARD hoop she’s aiming I ain’t a-scared o’ nuttin’! for, kicks the hedgehog off course just before it goes through.) Now, I’ll turn a ram t’ mutton. that isn’t fair! Did you see that? 5 A wildebeest or two, at least, 5 LION: I did. Don’t worry. I’ll handle this. (Crosses to FIVE.) Excuse me, I’ll take ’em in stride! but I believe you’ve broken the rules. Gorillas turn vanilla. FIVE: I did nothing wrong. She missed. Godzilla got so scared that he cried. SCARECROW: She had a direct hit! No creature wants to climb in the ring, FIVE: It was a direct miss by my calculation. (To MARCH HARE and 10 Not while I’m swingin’. 10 MAD HATTER.) You saw it. She missed. That’s why they call me the king! MAD HATTER: She did. When you hear me snarlin’, MARCH HARE: I concur. I saw the whole thing. The ball went right All had best beware. over there. My fisticuffs turn monsters SCARECROW: Oh, come now. As if they are the models of reason! 15 Into powder puffs, I swear. 15 CHESHIRE CAT ONE: (Peeps ON from behind a rose bush near They’ve all had enough DOROTHY.) Hello again. Before I’m even there. They surrender at my splendor, ALICE: Oh, my! Hello. White flags in the air CHESHIRE CAT ONE: I told you I’d see you here. How’s your game? 20 As I roar! ALICE: Not exactly what I’d imagined. TWEEDLE DEE/TWEEDLE DUM: (Speak in rhythm.) As he roars! 20 CHESHIRE CAT ONE: It never is. Anyway, I’m glad I found you. LION: (Sings.) As I pump my chest and roar! (Tries to roar, but it comes ALICE: Why’s that? out as a whimper.) I ain’t a-scared o’ nuttin’! CHESHIRE CAT ONE: I found something that you might find useful. TWEEDLE DEE/TWEEDLE DUM: (Sing.) He ain’t a-scared o’ nuttin’! (Holds up TIN MAN’S oil can.) 25 LION: (Sings.) No crocodile is smilin’ ALICE: Now, you are very odd. How can that possibly help me? What While I’m holdin’ his tail. 25 is it? TWEEDLE DEE/TWEEDLE DUM: (Sing.) No pack o’ wild hyenas DOROTHY: (Quickly runs over and grabs it.) That’s Tin Man’s oil can! Were laughin’ when they’ve seen him inhale… Oh, this is wonderful! (Turns to SCARECROW.) Scarecrow! Lion! LION: (Sings.) And start to bellow. Come quick! (SCARECROW and LION run to her. CHESHIRE CAT ONE hides among the roses again.) 30 Every fella starts turnin’ yella Before I take my first swing. 30 LION: What is it, Dorothy? TWEEDLE DEE/TWEEDLE DUM: (Sing.) DOROTHY: It’s Tin Man’s oil can! The Cheshire Cat here… (Turns to He starts the jungle air ringing. CHESHIRE CAT ONE, but he is gone.) LION/TWEEDLE DEE/TWEEDLE DUM: (Sing.) ALICE: Why, he was here just a second ago! 35 You’ll hear that regal roar sing. SCARECROW: It doesn’t matter. The good news is that we can unrust LION: (Sing.) There’s no denyin’ why they call me the king! 35 Tin Man now! (DOROTHY, SCARECROW and LION rush to TIN MAN and begin oiling him.) LION/TWEEDLE DEE/TWEEDLE DUM: (Sing.) Oh, yeah! (MUSIC OUT.) MARCH HARE: (Frustrated.) I’ve said it once, I’ve said it a thousand LION: Okay, now which one of you wants to fight me? times! Tin doesn’t— TWEEDLE DUM: He said he doesn’t want to fight you. MAD HATTER: Shhh! (Shakes his head.) You’ve got to concede, Hare. 40 TWEEDLE DEE: I didn’t say that. You did. 40 Some people simply never learn!

16 53 RIGHTS MUST BE PURCHASED BEFORE REPRODUCING THIS SCRIPT 1 FIVE: (Gets out of position. Rude.) Are you going to stand there and 1 TWEEDLE DUM: No. You did! (TWEEDLE DEE and TWEEDLE DUM rush complain all day or are you going to play? for each other, but stop CENTER and bounce around again, neither LION: Just do what the Queen did. That’s a start, at least. (DOROTHY one brave enough to take the first blow. LION steps in between gets in position, as does FIVE.) again.) 5 MARCH HARE: That’s rotten advice! 5 LION: All right, all right, all right! Enough of this nonsense! SCARECROW: It’s sound advice. TWEEDLE DUM: (To TWEEDLE DEE.) You haven’t seen the last of me, MAD HATTER: Not if she’s playing to win. Why, if she does what the pal! Queen does, it will merely be a tie. TWEEDLE DEE: Contrary-wise! It’s you that should watch your back, ALICE: What should we do to win? ’cause I’m always watching! 10 10 MARCH HARE: Play the game your own way! LION: Enough! (Separates them.) Now, have either of you seen Dorothy? DOROTHY: Well, I’ve never played croquet with flamingos and TWEEDLE DUM: Negatory! hedgehogs before! How do I even know how to play my own way? TWEEDLE DEE: Suppositive! MARCH HARE: Just play. LION: Well, which is it? SCARECROW: I believe actually they may be right this time. Just play TWEEDLE DEE/TWEEDLE DUM: (Point to one another.) What he said! 15 the game. (DOROTHY prepares to hit her hedgehog. She seems very 15 LION: Fine. We’ll have to have a battle to see who’s right. uneasy about it. She squares back, ready to swing.) TWEEDLE DEE: Ooh! A battle! DORMOUSE: (ENTERS RIGHT.) Here I am! (DOROTHY swings and TWEEDLE DUM: A battle! misses her hedgehog.) LION: (Referees.) All right, when I say break, I want a clean fight. In the LION: Quiet, you! You’ve disturbed her swing! event of a knockdown, the one still standing will be directed to a 20 DORMOUSE: I hope I haven’t kept you waiting. 20 neutral corner. And no blows below the belt. Any questions? MARCH HARE: Of course, we’re waiting! We’re always waiting! TWEEDLE DEE: (Remembers.) Yeah. Who’s Dorothy? MAD HATTER: That’s right. My watch isn’t fixed yet. LION: She’s my friend. I’m trying to help her get back to Kansas. (To MARCH HARE: I don’t suppose you found Time, while you kept us TWEEDLE DUM.) How about you? Any questions? waiting. TWEEDLE DUM: Yeah. Why are we fighting again? 25 DORMOUSE: Oh, yes! I found lots and lots of time. 25 LION: Because that’s what you wanted in the first place. MARCH HARE: Where? TWEEDLE DUM: Oh, yeah. A battle! (Takes fighting stance again. DORMOUSE: Right where I was sleeping. TWEEDLE DEE does as well.) MAD HATTER: You mean Time passed you by. I don’t suppose you LION: All right. Break! (TWEEDLE DEE and TWEEDLE DUM bounce met a Gertrude or Hermione where you slept either? around as LION watches. Neither takes a swing at the other. LION 30 DORMOUSE: No. 30 watches, but quickly becomes exasperated with them and EXITS LEFT as the LIGHTS FADE to BLACK.) MAD HATTER: See? You’re no use. Go back to sleep. End of Scene Four DORMOUSE: Fine by me. (Lies down. MAD HATTER and MARCH HARE look at the OTHERS.) ACT ONE MARCH HARE: Oh, don’t mind us. You can play through. Scene Five – The Good Witch 35 LION: Okay, Ali— um, I mean, Beatrice, now you have a try. (ALICE gets MUSIC CUE 3a: “White Rabbit-Entrance.” LIGHTS UP: WHITE RABBIT into position.) races ON RIGHT. SCARECROW: Now, um… Beatrice, it’s really quite easy. Just give that WHITE RABBIT: (Sings.) Oh, darn! Oh, dear! bird a mighty swing and send that furry little guy through the hoop. 35 Behind again, I fear! I’m so busy, in a tizzy, Dizzy ear to ear!

52 17 RIGHTS MUST BE PURCHASED BEFORE REPRODUCING THIS SCRIPT 1 Oh, boom! Oh, blast! 1 barks. MUSIC CUE 9c: “Fanfare and Processional.” EVERYONE My window’s closing fast! stops to look for the source of the sound. That’s when the Queen’s No time to waste. procession ENTERS LEFT, including QUEEN OF HEARTS, KING I must make haste OF HEARTS, WHITE RABBIT, CARDS and CHESS PIECES. Some of 5 Before it’s in the past! 5 them hold flamingo croquet mallets and balled up hedgehogs. [See PRODUCTION NOTES.]) Time’s expiring! I’m perspiring QUEEN OF HEARTS: (Stops the procession when she sees DOROTHY At this wicked pace! and her friends. MUSIC OUT.) Who are you? DOROTHY: (Steps forward.) I’m Dorothy Gale. Of Kansas. I’m belated 10 And outdated 10 ALICE: (Very cautious.) And I’m… In this hectic race! MAD HATTER: (Removes his hat and bows.) This is Beatrice, Your Oh, faugh! Oh, fie! Majesty. I’m just about to cry! QUEEN OF HEARTS: And why are you here? I hate this rate! DOROTHY: We’ve come to play croquet with you. 15 I’m always late! 15 QUEEN OF HEARTS: Well, I haven’t invited you. Off with their heads! So shameful, I could die! (Races OFF LEFT. ALICE hurries ON RIGHT. ALICE: Oh, my! MUSIC OUT.) DOROTHY: But you have invited us, Your Majesty. (Hands her the ALICE: (Speaks.) White Rabbit! White Rabbit! Oh! (Huffs.) It seems invitation. WHITE RABBIT takes it.) I’ll never catch up with him! If only there were someone here who WHITE RABBIT: (Opens the envelope and reads.) You are cordially 20 could help me! (Stomps.) 20 invited to join the Queen of Hearts in a game of croquet. Come GLINDA: (ENTERS LEFT.) Dorothy? Is that you? prepared to lose. (Folds up the invitation.) ALICE: Me? QUEEN OF HEARTS: Very well. I don’t remember inviting you, but it GLINDA: Oh, you look very different. seems I have. Tell me… do you play croquet? ALICE: I’m sorry? ALICE/DOROTHY: Yes, Your Majesty. 25 GLINDA: I’m looking for Dorothy. You’re her, aren’t you? 25 QUEEN OF HEARTS: And are you prepared to lose? ALICE: No. At least, I don’t think I am. DOROTHY: (Angry.) Well, of course— GLINDA: Oh, well, have you seen her? SCARECROW: (Interrupts.) They are prepared to face what comes to ALICE: Who? them. GLINDA: Dorothy. I’m hoping to find her so I can help her get back to QUEEN OF HEARTS: Very well. Give the girls their mallets. (A CARD 30 hands ALICE and DOROTHY a flamingo.) Let the games begin! 30 Kansas. (CARDS shuffle around the stage and bend over like croquet hoops. ALICE: Kansas? [NOTE: One or two hoops will do, but CHESS PIECES may do the GLINDA: Yes. It’s her home. same, if desired. Any remaining CARDS or CHESS PIECES should ALICE: Is that near London? scurry OFF at this time.] FIVE is in place to be the first and final GLINDA: No. It’s somewhere below the rainbow… way down low. 35 hoop. The players take their places around the course. QUEEN OF HEARTS goes first, of course, and, after careful preparation, whacks 35 ALICE: (Shrugs.) Never heard of it. her hedgehog ball through FIVE and OFF LEFT. She EXITS in pursuit GLINDA: You haven’t seen her, have you? of it. KING OF HEARTS and WHITE RABBIT follow her OFF, as do any ALICE: No. But I’ll tell her you’re looking for her if I do. What’s your EXTRA CARDS or CHESS PIECES.) name? 40 DOROTHY: (Looks at her flamingo.) Oh, dear! How are we to play with GLINDA: I’m Glinda, the good witch of the north. these?

18 51 1 WHITE RABBIT: (Sings.) It’s here! It’s time! 1 ALICE: (Curtsies.) And I’m Alice. A nervous Nellie I’m! GLINDA: Are you a good witch or a bad witch? Rhyme and riddle, ALICE: I’m no witch at all! Rum-tum-tiddle, GLINDA: Oh. Then, what are you? (MUSIC CUE 4: “I’m Just a Girl.”) 5 Bell’s about to chime! 5 ALICE: (Speaks.) That’s a curious question. It’s time! It’s here! GLINDA: (Speaks.) Well, you certainly don’t look like a winged monkey. The “it” just isn’t clear! The ifs and buts, ALICE: (Speaks.) I should hope not. The whens and whats GLINDA: (Speaks.) And you’re much too tall to be a Munchkin. 10 Have made me nuts, I fear! (Runs OFF LEFT. DOROTHY, TOTO, LION, ALICE: (Speaks.) Thank you. ALICE, SCARECROW, MARCH HARE and MAD HATTER ENTER RIGHT. 10 GLINDA: (Speaks.) So what are you then? MUSIC OUT.) ALICE: (Speaks.) Well… MAD HATTER: Here it is! The Queen’s rose garden. (Sings.) I’m just a girl who’s confused and quite befuddled. SCARECROW: And where’s the Queen? My brain is muddled with turmoil and shock. 15 MAD HATTER: How should I know? You said nothing of finding her. You Don’t know if I’m dreaming, asked to find her rose garden and you’ve found it. (TOTO runs over 15 Seemingly awake, to TIN MAN and barks.) Aching to turn back the clock. DOROTHY: Oh, dear! Look! It’s Tin Man! I’m just a girl, typical and ordinary, LION: Oh, no! He’s rusted up solid! On edge and wary of what’s to come next. Jabberwock is lurking, 20 MARCH HARE: How’s that possible? Tin doesn’t rust. 20 Smirking Cheshire cat. MAD HATTER: He’s right. You can look it up. Let’s just say, a girl perplexed. DOROTHY: (Looks around.) But where’s his oil can? He needs oil! And you say you’re a witch. MARCH HARE: He needs more than that! Witches are fictitious. MAD HATTER: Here. I have just what he needs. (Pulls a tiny teapot out Yet, here you are in the flesh. (ALICE touches her tentatively.) 25 from under his hat or from a pocket of his jacket.) A nice warm cup 25 I see a magic wand. of tea should perk him right up. I’m not superstitious. ALICE: How very odd! Why do you have a tea kettle in your hat? Could this be a spell? MAD HATTER: Funny you should ask that, Beatrice. I never took you It’s hard for me to tell. as one for riddles, but I’ll tell you the answer anyway. (Looks at his I can’t seem to make things mesh. 30 watch, then shows it to ALICE.) My watch is broken and it’s always 30 GLINDA: (Sings.) You’re just a girl with a wild imagination. six o’clock. It’s always tea time. Your trepidation can get in your way. MARCH HARE: We must have tea for tea time, even if we’re on an Trust in what you know adventure. (MAD HATTER holds the kettle out. MARCH HARE takes To get where you must go it and tries to give TIN MAN a sip.) So you won’t be led astray. 35 SCARECROW: No! Stop that! That’ll just rust him up more! 35 ALICE: (Sings.) This time I feel like MAD HATTER: We’ve told you already, but I guess it bears repeating. I’m in a different story. Tin doesn’t rust! (DOROTHY, ALICE and LION take the kettle from GLINDA: (Sings.) Some stories are quite the same. MARCH HARE and toss it to one another, playing keep away from ALICE: (Sings.) Feel like I don’t belong. MARCH HARE, who desperately tries to grab it. SCARECROW GLINDA: (Sings.) Find the allegory. 40 and MAD HATTER argue, ad-lib, about whether tin can rust. TOTO 40 ALICE: (Sings.) Will the truth be told?

50 19 1 GLINDA: (Sings.) Just let it all unfold. 1 MAD HATTER: Still, now we shall never find them. It seems they’ll be ALICE/GLINDA: (Sing.) Same story with a diff’rent name. lost forever. (Grieved.) How tragic! March Hare, say a few words, ALICE: (Sings.) I’m just a girl who no longer trusts her senses. will you? GLINDA: (Sings.) You’re just a girl out of her comfort zone. MARCH HARE: Pillow. Mustard. Jitterbug. 5 MAD HATTER: (Replaces his hat.) Thank you. 5 ALICE: (Sings.) Pushed right to the edge. GLINDA: (Sings.) So leap right off the ledge. DOROTHY: Well, you’ve found us, and at least that’s something. Flap your arms until you’ve flown. Perhaps you could help us get to the Queen’s rose garden. ALICE/GLINDA: (Sing.) Was this a stroke of fate, MARCH HARE: Oh, yippy! Another adventure! Our paths intersecting, MAD HATTER: I know the way. Just let me grab my other hat. (Crosses 10 10 Directing us someplace new? to the tree, where he takes out another hat to swap with the one Helping us navigate, he has on.) There we are. Now, follow me, everyone. And if we’re Help us keep connecting lucky, we’ll happen to find Hermione and Gertrude along the way! (MUSIC CUE 9a: “A Mad Adventure–Reprise.” DORMOUSE wakes Where we’re meant to go and sings drowsily.) And what we’re meant to do. 15 We’ll give this Wonderland a whirl. 15 ALL: (Sing.) We’ll have such fun! We’ll skip and run right to this mad adventure! ALICE: (Sings.) You’re just a witch. Hi hi ho! GLINDA: (Sings.) You’re just a girl. (Speaks.) I guess I can see that Off through Wonderland we go! now. But what type of girl are you? What a show! ALICE: (Speaks.) A human one. 20 We’ll trek and risk our neck on this adventure! 20 GLINDA: (Speaks.) Oh! You’re a meat person! How lovely! (MUSIC OUT) Mad about, we’ll gad about ALICE: A meat person? With braggadocio! Dosey doe! GLINDA: Why, yes! That’s what we call all the humans in Oz. Dorothy We’re dancing while we’re chancing an adventure! is a meat person, too! Hi hi hey! ALICE: Is that where I am then? Am I in the land of Oz? 25 An adventure holiday! Off we fly 25 GLINDA: Oh, no. This isn’t Oz. Oz is the land that I call home, and I am certain that this isn’t it. I’m not sure where this place is exactly, To search and seek and root about and spy. but it’s very lovely. Why, nothing’s more exciting or inviting, I must say. ALICE: I disagree. It’s been nothing but unpleasantness since I came We shall not get lost or led astray! here. Why, in only a matter of hours, I’ve been shrunk to the size of 30 We’re on our way! (MAD HATTER EXITS RIGHT. MARCH HARE and DORMOUSE follow him OFF, excited.) 30 a snail and grown to the size of a great tree! I’ve almost drowned in my own tears and ran a useless caucus race with a bunch of DOROTHY/SCARECROW/ALICE/LION: (Look at one another, shrug crazy birds! This is a miserable place, if I may say! and shout.) We’re on our way! (MUSIC OUT. EXIT RIGHT. TOTO barks GLINDA: Oh, but it’s lovely! and scurries OFF with them as the LIGHTS FADE to BLACK.) ALICE: Speak for yourself! But, say, if you’re a witch, I don’t suppose End of Scene Two 35 you could help me get home, could you? ACT TWO GLINDA: Well, no, I cannot. For you do not have the proper footwear. Scene Three – Croquet ALICE: (Looks at her shoes.) My shoes are lovely, thank you! 35 LIGHTS UP: The Queen’s rose garden. TIN MAN still stands there, GLINDA: No. I mean you’re not wearing the silver slippers. Dorothy FROZEN, right where they left him. MUSIC CUE 9b: “White Rabbit has them, only she doesn’t know how they work. That’s why I’m Entrance.” WHITE RABBIT runs ON RIGHT.

20 49 RIGHTS MUST BE PURCHASED BEFORE REPRODUCING THIS SCRIPT 1 SCARECROW: Why, that’s great! 1 following her. I wish to find her and tell her how the silver slippers DOROTHY: But we just met a strange little cat who told me the way can help her get home. to the Queen’s castle is that way. (Points OFF RIGHT.) But you just ALICE: Well, can’t you help me somehow? Perhaps you have an extra said not to go that way, didn’t you? pair? 5 SCARECROW: Oh, no! You don’t want to do that! 5 GLINDA: As I said before, I cannot help. However, there may be DOROTHY: Why? (MAD HATTER and MARCH HARE ENTER RIGHT. someone here who can help you. He has a magical flying machine DORMOUSE follows them ON sleepily and leans against the tree to that can take him anywhere, and I do believe he may be lost in this rest.) Wonderland himself. SCARECROW: That’s why. ALICE: And just who might that be? 10 MAD HATTER: There she is! 10 GLINDA: Why, the wonderful Wizard of Oz, of course! MARCH HARE: She? She who? ALICE: How shall I find him? MAD HATTER: That she. She’s right over there. GLINDA: It’s simple. You just… follow the yellow brick road. MARCH HARE: (Excited.) A girl! A girl! (Crosses to DOROTHY, then looks ALICE: (Looks around.) What yellow brick road? at her, doubtful.) Are you sure you’re a girl? GLINDA: (Looks around, but sees that there is no yellow brick road.) 15 DOROTHY: Why, yes! 15 Hmmm… yes, that does seem to be a problem. Pity! Well, then… MARCH HARE: Well, I thought you’d look different. your guess is as good as mine. (Shrugs.) Farewell! (EXITS RIGHT.) MAD HATTER: (Crosses to DOROTHY and pushes MARCH HARE aside.) ALICE: No! Wait! I’ve so many more questions to ask you! (Watches Don’t mind him. He’s never seen a girl before. I’m the hatter. Don’t her go.) Hmph! How strange. (Looks herself over.) I wonder if I really believe them if they tell you I’m mad. (Removes his hat, bows and look like a witch to her? Oh, I hope not! When I do get home, I’ll be 20 certain never to gaze into a looking glass again! (Runs OFF LEFT. 20 kisses DOROTHY’S hand.) LIGHTS FADE to BLACK.) DOROTHY: I promise I won’t. End of Scene Five SCARECROW: (To DOROTHY.) Be careful making promises you can’t keep. ACT ONE MAD HATTER: (To ALICE.) And you are? Scene Six – A Mad Tea Party 25 ALICE: (Cautious again.) I am… Beatrice. LIGHTS UP: MAD HATTER and MARCH HARE are having their tea party, MAD HATTER: (Ecstatic.) Fantastic! seated at one end of a long table with many place settings for tea, a teapot and a pocket watch in a butter dish. DORMOUSE sleeps nearby. SCARECROW: But she told me her name— 25 MAD HATTER: (Recites.) ’Twas brillig, and the slithy toves DOROTHY: (To SCARECROW.) Shhh! Just go with it. Did gyre and gimble in the wabe. MAD HATTER: (Beams. To ALICE.) I just knew we’d find you, Beatrice! All mimsy were the borogoves, 30 (Bows. To DOROTHY.) And so that must mean you are Hermione. And the mome raths outgrabe. SCARECROW: No! This is Dorothy! We’ve found her! “Beware the Jabberwock, my son! MARCH HARE: (Disappointed.) What a pity! Our adventure is over. 30 The jaws that bite, the claws that catch! MAD HATTER: And we haven’t found the others. (Removes his hat Beware the , and shun again and places it over his heart. Reverent.) Poor Hermione and The frumious !” 35 Gertrude. MARCH HARE: (Claps.) Spoken well, Hatter. But I wonder… Why DOROTHY: Who are they? should the borogoves be so mimsy? If I were a borogove, I would SCARECROW: They’re nobody. Just some girls he was looking for. 35 be quite unmimsy! DOROTHY: What happened to them? MAD HATTER: Not if there were a Jabberwock close by. In that case, SCARECROW: Nothing. He just made them up in his head. I’d wager you’d be consumed with mimsy!

48 21 RIGHTS MUST BE PURCHASED BEFORE REPRODUCING THIS SCRIPT 1 MARCH HARE: That’s overstating it. Mimsy-ness is a wild overreaction, 1 ALICE: (Speaks.) She’s having a game of croquet today, and we wish even for a borogove! to play. DORMOUSE: (Wakes, but only a little.) That’s just what I would say. CHESHIRE CAT ONE: (Speaks.) Oh, good! Then I shall see you there. (Goes back to sleep.) (Crosses behind the tree.) 5 SCARECROW: (ENTERS LEFT.) Aha! I thought I heard voices over here. 5 DOROTHY: (Speaks.) But wait! If you’re going, too, can’t you show us May I join you? the way? (MUSIC OUT. DOROTHY crosses to look behind the tree, MARCH HARE/MAD HATTER: No room! No room! but CHESHIRE CAT ONE seems to have disappeared. SCARECROW SCARECROW: You’re wrong. Anyone could see that there’s plenty of ENTERS RIGHT, then, seeing activity and not wanting to be noticed, room here. (Sits.) See? FREEZES standing up tall with arms outstretched. To CHESHIRE 10 CAT.) Oh, dear! Why must you keep doing that? (Crosses LEFT and 10 MAD HATTER: (Smiles and gives SCARECROW a strange look.) Your calls OFF.) Toto! Toto! (TOTO ENTERS LEFT.) straw wants stuffing. ALICE: Come on, Toto! We have to find the Queen!(They cross SCARECROW: You may be right about that after such a terrible DOWNSTAGE, led by DOROTHY. None of them notices SCARECROW.) storm… (Checks and stuffs his straw.) …but I must say, that’s an awfully odd way to greet a guest. DOROTHY: (Looks LEFT and RIGHT.) Oh, my! Now, which way was it? 15 With all that running and disappearing and reappearing somewhere 15 MARCH HARE: You aren’t a guest. You weren’t invited. else, I’m completely turned around! (Looks around and points in MAD HATTER: And, besides, you can’t be a guest because we’re all various directions, trying to sort it all out.) out of butter. The hare used it all up fixing my watch! (Holds up a SCARECROW: Well, I suppose you could go that way. (Still FROZEN, pocket watch that’s dripping with butter.) except for moving his arms, he points OUT to the AUDIENCE.) Or you MARCH HARE: It was the best butter! 20 could also go that way. (Points LEFT.) 20 MAD HATTER: But it didn’t provide the fix, and it hasn’t helped us find DOROTHY: Now, who said that? Did that horrid cat come back again? Time, now, has it? (Looks around.) MARCH HARE: No. SCARECROW: But if I were you, I most certainly wouldn’t go that way! MAD HATTER: We must find Time so we can set things straight, but (Points RIGHT.) how are we ever to find Time when it’s always tea time? It’s always 25 DOROTHY: (Turns and sees him. Thrilled.) Oh, Scarecrow! It’s you! It’s 25 six o’clock! (Indicates SCARECROW.) I don’t suppose this fellow’s you! seen him. SCARECROW: (UNFREEZES.) Dorothy! I’m so glad I’ve found you! SCARECROW: No. I’m afraid I haven’t. But perhaps you could help (Sees the OTHERS.) And Lion! And Toto! And…? me. Have you seen a girl? ALICE: (Cautious.) I am… MARCH HARE: Never once. 30 DOROTHY: It’s okay. He’s a friend of mine. You can trust him. 30 SCARECROW: Now, that’s completely improbable. Statistically ALICE: (Curtseys.) I am Alice. speaking, even at your age, the odds are that you have at least seen one girl in your lifetime. Probably several. SCARECROW: Pleasure to meet you, Alice. MARCH HARE: No. Not a one. DOROTHY: But we mustn’t mention her real name to just anyone, Scarecrow. (Points to the wanted poster.) See. The Queen is looking SCARECROW: (To MAD HATTER.) But I’m looking for a young girl. My 35 for her. 35 friend. Her name is Dorothy. Have you seen her? SCARECROW: Who is this queen? Is she as terrible as I hear? MAD HATTER: (Excited.) What an excellent riddle! I have one, too! Why is a raven like a writing desk? DOROTHY: Oh, Scarecrow, she is! Just terrible! SCARECROW: That’s easy. Poe wrote on both. LION: You must come with us. The wizard has sent us off to find the Queen. Dorothy must beat her at croquet, and then he’ll help her MAD HATTER: Wrong. Wrong. Wrong. That’s three wrongs, which is 40 get back to Kansas. 40 wronger than two rights. Here, I have another. ALICE: And he’ll help me get home to England!

22 47 1 DOROTHY: (Crosses LEFT and calls OFF.) Oh, Toto! No! Come back! 1 SCARECROW: You can’t fool me. (Points to his head.) This noggin´ is We’ve got to find our way to the Queen! (CHESHIRE CAT ONE steps stuffed full of brains now. Go ahead. Do your worst. OUT from behind the tree, behind DOROTHY, who’s at first surprised.) MAD HATTER: How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a CHESHIRE CAT ONE: (Sings.) Everyone has to be somewhere. woodchuck could chuck wood? 5 DOROTHY/ALICE/LION: (Speak in rhythm.) This is sick! 5 SCARECROW: The answer is simple. A woodchuck would chuck as CHESHIRE CAT ONE: (Sings.) Wonderland has its own rules. much wood as a wood chuck could chuck, if a wood chuck could DOROTHY/ALICE/LION: (Sing.) It happened so quick. chuck wood. CHESHIRE CAT ONE: (Sings.) Everyone has to be somewhere. MAD HATTER: Wrong again. But I’ll give you one more chance. Why did the chicken cross the road? DOROTHY/ALICE/LION: (Sing.) It’s a trick! 10 SCARECROW: To prove he was not chicken. 10 CHESHIRE CAT ONE: (Sings.) We have our own set of tools. (Speaks.) If you weren’t so rude, thinking that everyone you met was odd, MAD HATTER: Strike three! perhaps someone could help you find where you’re going. DORMOUSE: (Wakes a little and sings, swinging his tea cup wildly.) Buy DOROTHY: (Speaks.) Well then, can you help us? me some peanuts and Crack—erjack! I don’t care if I never get back! (Goes back to sleep.) CHESHIRE CAT ONE: (Speaks.) That depends a good deal on where 15 15 you want to get to. SCARECROW: Well, this is getting me nowhere. (Stands.) I must find Dorothy as soon as possible. So I’ll just be on my way. LION: (Speaks.) We’re trying to find the Queen of Hearts. MARCH HARE: On your way? Where? CHESHIRE CAT ONE: (Speaks.) In that case, you should go in that direction. (Points OFF RIGHT.) SCARECROW: To find Dorothy. (Sings.) You may find out once you get there, MARCH HARE: Oh! An adventure! That’s an excellent idea! 20 You’d really rather be here. 20 MAD HATTER: I’ll just grab my hat. (Replaces the hat on his head with Some things may pose quite a threat there, another from under the table. MUSIC CUE 5: “A Mad Adventure.”) And yet there SCARECROW: (Speaks.) Oh, no! You don’t have to come. May be nothing to fear. (Sneaks behind the tree.) MARCH HARE: (Speaks.) Nonsense! Dormouse shall join us. (Pours DOROTHY/ALICE/LION: (Sing.) We’re on a mission, the last drops of tea from the teapot onto DORMOUSE’S head.) 25 A competition. 25 DORMOUSE: (Wakes, but only a little. Defensively, speaks.) I wasn’t And now he’s vanished, oh, dear! asleep. I heard every word. CHESHIRE CAT ONE: (Peaks OUT from behind the tree, smiles big.) MAD HATTER: (Speaks.) We’re going on an adventure. Come quick, or Olé! (Sings.) Everyone has to be somewhere. (Hides behind the else you’ll fall asleep again. tree.) DORMOUSE: (Speaks.) Very well. 30 DOROTHY/ALICE/LION: (Sing.) That’s not fair! 30 MAD HATTER: (Sings.) Why, I’m so thrilled! CHESHIRE CAT TWO: (Peaks IN from OFF RIGHT, sings.) A dream fulfilled to risk a mad adventure! Either you’re here or you’re not. (Steps OFF again.) Fiddle-ee diddle-ee doh! DOROTHY/ALICE/LION: (Sing.) We must be dreaming! Yippee-o! Bravissimo! CHESHIRE CAT THREE: (Peaks IN from OFF LEFT. Sings.) MARCH HARE: (Grabs a travelling bag from under the table and slings 35 Everyone has to be somewhere. 35 it over his shoulder. Sings.) A howdy-do! DOROTHY/ALICE/LION: (Speak in rhythm.) Everywhere! My wacky sack upon my back for this adventure! CHESHIRE CAT ONE: (Appears from behind the tree, sings.) MAD HATTER/MARCH HARE: (Sing.) Over, under, where, I wonder? One just has to find their own spot!(Speaks.) Why do you wish to I say tally ho! see the Queen? SCARECROW: (Sings.) This matter’s very serious. 40 Poor Dorothy’s been lost.

46 23 1 Her whereabouts, mysterious, I’ll find her at all cost. 1 CHESHIRE CAT THREE: (Speaks.) You’re not referring to little old me, We both were tossed about by a tornado in the sky. are you? Deposited in this strange place I can’t identify. DOROTHY: (Surprised, speaks.) Oh! There you are again! MAD HATTER/MARCH HARE: (Sing.) We’ll be your guide. CHESHIRE CAT THREE: (Sings.) Everyone has to be somewhere. 5 We’re qualified to lead a mad adventure! 5 DOROTHY/ALICE/LION: (Sing.) So you say. Fiddle-ee, diddle-ee die! (Hold up teacups and toast.) CHESHIRE CAT THREE: (Sings.) Standing right before your eyes. Here’s to Dorothy in your eye! DOROTHY/ALICE/LION: (Sing.) How did you do that? DORMOUSE: (Sings.) I’m coming, too! CHESHIRE CAT THREE: (Sings.) Everyone has to be somewhere. To-wit, to-woo upon this mad adventure! DOROTHY/ALICE/LION: (Sing.) There’s no way! 10 MAD HATTER/MARCH HARE/DORMOUSE: (Sing.) Don’t be concerned. 10 CHESHIRE CAT THREE: (Sings.) I’m just a sneaky ol’ cat! No stone unturned, I have nine lives, and I use them We’ll find her by and by. All simultaneously. I’m careful not to abuse them. SCARECROW: (Sings.) My plan’s for Hatter to fan out I fuse them. 15 And scour the countryside. 15 Here, there, everywhere, it’s all me. Dormouse will sniff out every nook And cranny she might hide. DOROTHY/ALICE/LION: (Sing.) I’m in a tizzy. March Hare will hop upon the top I’m feelin’ dizzy. To find the farthest view. You fried my brain logic’lly! 20 And I will strain my clever brain CHESHIRE CAT THREE: (With a big cheesy smile.) Olé! To think what next to do! (The THREE look at SCARECROW curiously, 20 (Sings.) Everyone has to be somewhere, then at each other. With wild eyes and wicked smiles, they ignore DOROTHY/ALICE/LION: (Sing.) It’s not clear. him and continue.) CHESHIRE CAT THREE: (Sings.) MAD HATTER/MARCH HARE/DORMOUSE: (Sing.) Sometimes you can’t trust your eyes. 25 We’ve all been called upon DOROTHY/ALICE/LION: (Sing.) There’s someone odd here. To wander on this mad adventure! 25 CHESHIRE CAT THREE: (Sings.) Everyone has to be somewhere. Fiddle-ee diddle-ee dum! (Hold up teacups and toast.) DOROTHY/ALICE/LION: (Sing.) You disappear. Drink a toast, a rum-tum-tum! (Clink their teacups together.) CHESHIRE CAT THREE: (Sings.) And everyone loves a surprise! With each surprise, (Speaks.) Now, why would you call me odd? 30 We’ll improvise upon this mad adventure. DOROTHY: (Speaks.) For starters, you grin an awful lot for a cat. Plans are made. Our escapade is waiting. 30 ALICE: (Speaks.) But the oddest part is how you seem to disappear Here we come! and reappear whenever and wherever you like. SCARECROW: (At wits end. About to pull his straw out, speaks.) Oh, no. CHESHIRE CAT THREE: (Speaks.) Perhaps it’s you who are odd for 35 (MAD HATTER, MARCH HARE and DORMOUSE begin wildly dancing staying in one place all the time. around, while SCARECROW looks on dumbfounded.) ALICE: (Speaks.) Why, that’s not odd at all! MAD HATTER/MARCH HARE/DORMOUSE: (Sing.) 35 CHESHIRE CAT THREE: (Speaks.) Says who? We’ll have such fun! DOROTHY: (Speaks.) Says everyone. Why, that’s just a rule of nature! We’ll skip and run right to this mad adventure! CHESHIRE CAT THREE: (Speaks.) Is it? I’ve never heard of such a 40 Hi-hi-ho! Off through Wonderland we go! rule. (TOTO ENTERS RIGHT, sniffing, and sees CHESHIRE CAT THREE. What a show! TOTO begins barking ferociously again and chases CHESHIRE CAT We’ll trek and risk our neck on this adventure! 40 THREE OFF LEFT.)

24 45 RIGHTS MUST BE PURCHASED BEFORE REPRODUCING THIS SCRIPT 1 LION: But how did you get there? (Points to CHESHIRE CAT TWO, then 1 Mad about, we’ll gad about with braggadocio! (SCARECROW back to the tree, then back to CHESHIRE CAT TWO. MUSIC CUE 9: reluctantly decides, “What’s the use?” and joins in the singing and “Everyone Has To Be Somewhere.”) dancing.) CHESHIRE CAT TWO: (Speaks.) Well, I have to be somewhere, don’t I? ALL: (Sing.) Dosey-doe! 5 (Sings.) Everyone has to be somewhere 5 We’re dancing while we’re chancing an adventure! Though it seems they disappear. Hi-hi-hey! An adventure holiday! Everyone has to be somewhere. Off we fly to search and seek and root about and spy! You’re there, and suddenly you’re here. Why, nothing’s more exciting or inviting I must say. Yes, everyone has to be somewhere. We shall not get lost or led astray! 10 DOROTHY/ALICE/LION: (Sing.) We agree. 10 We’re on our way! (MAD HATTER, MARCH HARE and DORMOUSE CHESHIRE CAT TWO: (Sings.) Otherwise, they wouldn’t be. begin to EXIT RIGHT.) Everyone has to be somewhere. (A shout.) We’re on our way! (They’re OUT. MUSIC OUT. SCARECROW DOROTHY/ALICE/LION: (Sing.) Yes, we see. watches them go, scratches his head and follows them OFF as the LIGHTS FADE to BLACK.) CHESHIRE CAT TWO: (Sings.) In your lap or way up a tree. End of Scene Six 15 Out of sight and out of one’s mind, Doesn’t mean we don’t exist. ACT ONE Though sometimes difficult to find, Scene Seven – The Stolen Tarts Left behind, 15 LIGHTS UP: A red table is CENTER. MUSIC CUE 5a: “White Rabbit Then back with the twist of a wrist. Entrance.” FISH FOOTMAN ENTERS LEFT with a tray of tarts. He places 20 DOROTHY/ALICE/LION: (Sing.) It’s hard believing. it on the table and EXITS RIGHT. LION ENTERS LEFT, looks around, Something’s deceiving. and spots the tarts. He nearly goes for them but a noise is heard OFF A ploy that somehow we missed! RIGHT. LION reacts to the sound and crouches beneath the table to CHESHIRE CAT TWO: (With a big cheesy smile.) Olé! 20 observe. WHITE RABBIT runs ON RIGHT. (Sings.) Everyone has to be somewhere. WHITE RABBIT: (Sings.) Oh, flip! Oh, flap! 25 DOROTHY/ALICE/LION: (Speak in rhythm, sarcastic.) Obviously! Why did I take a nap? CHESHIRE CAT TWO: (Sings.) Nothing goes “poof” in thin air. A hopeless chap Everyone has to be somewhere. Who’s lost his map, DOROTHY/ALICE/LION: (Sing.) Normally. 25 My mind’s about to snap! (Runs OFF LEFT. MUSIC OUT.) If you’re not here, then you’re there! (TOTO barks and chases LION: (Jumps up.) What an odd little rabbit! I wonder where he’s off 30 CHESHIRE CAT TWO OFF RIGHT.) to so fast and if he might be able to help me find Dorothy.(Starts after WHITE RABBIT, but hears something OFF RIGHT. LION quickly DOROTHY: (Crosses RIGHT after them. Calls OFF RIGHT.) Toto, no! ducks back under the table.) Come back here! Oh, my! Did you lose him again, Toto? I must say, I’ve never met such an odd sort of cat. (Turns back LEFT.) 30 KNAVE OF HEARTS: (Sneaks ON RIGHT, holding a bag over his shoulder. He looks around for anyone who might be watching, but does not ALICE: (Speaks.) You should meet my cat, Dinah. She’s a perfectly spot LION. KNAVE goes straight for the tarts. LION peeks out and 35 wonderful cat and never disappears, and she especially doesn’t watches, still unnoticed.) Oh, goody good good! There’s no one vanish into thin air. In fact, she can almost always be found here! Not a single soul! And so no one to see me! Mmmm! I think sleeping on the front stair. 35 I shall have a try. (Sticks in his thumb.) Ooh! A plum! (Tastes it, then LION: (Speaks.) But Dorothy’s right. Cats aren’t made to vanish like smiles.) Mmmm! Delicious! No one makes tarts like the Queen of that. I should know, being a cat myself. It’s very strange. (CHESHIRE Hearts! (Begins putting tarts into his bag.) 40 CAT THREE, who has been hiding behind the rock, DOWN LEFT, steps ALICE: (ENTERS LEFT as he puts the last tarts away.) Hello there. out of hiding and sits near the rock.) Could you help me?

44 25 RIGHTS MUST BE PURCHASED BEFORE REPRODUCING THIS SCRIPT 1 KNAVE OF HEARTS: (Surprised, he hides the last tart behind his back.) 1 posted on the tree. A large rock is DOWN LEFT. CHESHIRE CAT ONE What? No! No! You can’t be here right now! lies STAGE RIGHT, sleeping. TOTO ENTERS LEFT and sees CHESHIRE ALICE: Why not? I’ve as much right as you. What are you hiding there? CAT ONE. KNAVE OF HEARTS: Nothing! Nothing at all! (ALICE tries to look, but TOTO: (Quickly crosses to CHESHIRE CAT ONE, but stops a few steps 5 KNAVE OF HEARTS turns so the tart remains hidden.) 5 away, keeping his distance. Then, builds up all the gusto he’s got and ALICE: I don’t believe you. Show me your hands. lets out a bunch of ferocious barks… only they come out as.) Wake up, cat! Wake up right now, or I’ll bite you! KNAVE OF HEARTS: Very well. (Show the tart.) There you have it. I’ve taken the Queen’s tarts. (Kneels, bows his head low and grabs CHESHIRE CAT ONE: (Wakes, calm.) All right. I’m awake. Now, why ALICE’S hands.) Please don’t tell on me. must you be so angry about it? 10 TOTO: Because cats are rude! 10 ALICE: Now, why shouldn’t I? If you’ve knowingly done something wrong, you should face the consequences. CHESHIRE CAT ONE: What’s so rude about sleeping? KNAVE OF HEARTS: (Laughs.) I won’t have to. I’ve tricked you, see? TOTO: You’re in my way! How dare you cross my path! (Points to her hands, which now have red tart smeared on them. CHESHIRE CAT ONE: I wasn’t crossing anywhere. [See PRODUCTION NOTES.]) Now, the Queen is sure to have your TOTO: See? Rude! 15 head and not mine! 15 CHESHIRE CAT ONE: You’ve got it the wrong way around. After all, you ALICE: Oh! You dishonest man! crossed my path. If that’s the definition of rude, then I’d say you’re KNAVE OF HEARTS: (Proud.) That is why they call me the Knave of the rude one. Hearts! DOROTHY: (ENTERS LEFT with ALICE and LION. TOTO turns to her and ALICE: Will the Queen really have my head? barks angrily, occasionally looking back at CHESHIRE CAT ONE, as if 20 KNAVE OF HEARTS: It’s an absolute certainty. The Queen of Hearts 20 he’s trying to tell DOROTHY what has just happened.) Oh, my, Toto! is very temperamental. What has gotten into you? (More angry barking from TOTO. ALICE ALICE: No. I’ll just tell her the truth, and she’ll never believe you. and LION try to shush him.) KNAVE OF HEARTS: Oh, I think she will. You’re just a strange little girl, CHESHIRE CAT ONE: I’ll tell you what happened. Your dog was and it’s your word against mine. As one of her faithful servants, I’m being very rude to me. (TOTO barks louder than ever and chases 25 CHESHIRE CAT ONE.) 25 sure the Queen will side with me. And, besides, you’ll be caught red-handed! (Laughs and runs OFF LEFT.) DOROTHY: Oh, no, Toto! Stop it! Stop it this instant! (TOTO and ALICE: (Screams and stomps.) Ooh! CHESHIRE CAT ONE run around the stage a bit, until finally CHESHIRE CAT ONE races behind the tree. TOTO chases CHESHIRE CAT ONE LION: (Emerging from under table.) Oh, what a crook! behind the tree and races to the other side, but CHESHIRE CAT ALICE: (Sees LION and screams.) Ah! 30 ONE has seemingly disappeared. [NOTE: CHESHIRE CAT ONE has 30 LION: Oh, no, miss. Don’t be afraid. I won’t hurt you. simply hidden behind the tree. For more, see PRODUCTION NOTES.] ALICE: How can I be sure? TOTO is confused and sniffs around the tree, perplexed by the cat’s LION: I want to help you. I saw what he did and how he tricked you. disappearance. DOROTHY, ALICE and LION are confused, too.) Don’t worry, miss. I’ll defend your honor! But I best catch him ALICE: Oh, my! Where has he gone? (Checks behind the tree, on the before he gets away! (Turns LEFT and roars.) Grrr! (Leaps OFF LEFT 35 STAGE RIGHT side looking LEFT. CHESHIRE CAT TWO ENTERS RIGHT, 35 in pursuit of KNAVE OF HEARTS.) behind her. ALICE finds nothing behind the tree.) My, what a curious ALICE: What a surprise! That’s the first kind and helpful creature I’ve sort of cat! met in this place, and it’s a great big lion! (Looks at her hands. CHESHIRE CAT TWO: That’s not a good sign. They say curiosity killed MUSIC CUE 6: “Who Stole the Tarts?” FISH FOOTMAN ENTERS the cat! RIGHT, crosses to the table and quickly sees that the tarts are gone.) 40 ALICE: (Turns.) Oh! There you are!

26 43 1 MAD HATTER: (Calls out.) Beatrice! Hermione! Gertrude! 1 FISH FOOTMAN: (Sings.) The tarts! The tarts! SCARECROW: Stop that! You mustn’t call out for other girls. We’re Who stole the tarts? looking for Dorothy and no one else! The Queen will have my head for this! MAD HATTER: But that’s perfectly illogical. The filcher must confess! 5 SCARECROW: Impossible. 5 The tarts! The tarts! MAD HATTER: Not impossible, but rather very probable. If we find Who stole the tarts? (Holds his head.) Beatrice, perhaps she could help us find Hermione, who could I’ve grown very fond of this. help us find Gertrude, who could, in turn, help us find Dorothy. I won’t be one head less! MARCH HARE: (Bounces.) Yes! And they shall all join us on our ALICE: (Speaks.) It wasn’t me. I… 10 adventure! 10 FISH FOOTMAN: (Speaks.) Who are you? DORMOUSE: (Sluggish.) Party! ALICE: (Speaks.) My name is Alice. MAD HATTER: Unless Gertrude happens to know how to find Dorothy FISH FOOTMAN: (Speaks.) Where are the queen’s tarts? first. Then we would only have two more joining us, which would ALICE: (Speaks.) Someone took them. not make it a party, but only a small gathering. FISH FOOTMAN: (Speaks.) I can see that! (Sings.) 15 MARCH HARE: Either way, it’s still an adventure! And perhaps we’ll 15 The tarts! The tarts! find Time along the way as well! You stole the tarts! SCARECROW: Just stay quiet! You all are driving me mad. ALICE: (Speaks.) No! MAD HATTER: Now, that’s what’s impossible! FISH FOOTMAN: (Sings.) You’d best reveal their whereabouts. DORMOUSE: Impossible! The punishment’s severe! 20 MARCH HARE: Quite right! We’re not driving anywhere, we’re walking! 20 ALICE: (Sings.) Oh, dear! The tarts! MAD HATTER: That’s just the smallest point of it, though. The Kind sir, let me be clear. Scarecrow is clearly mad already. So if we were driving him I saw someone snatch them up anywhere, we’d naturally be driving him sane. (Removes his hat Then quickly disappear. (Speaks.) I can’t tell you where they are. and bows.) FISH FOOTMAN: (Speaks.) Very well. I don’t have time for games 25 SCARECROW: (To himself.) Oh, why did I ask the wizard for brains? 25 today, you foolish little girl. I’ve so many invitations to deliver for It just makes the ones without brains all the more exasperating! the queen, and now I’ve new tarts to make. Guards! Guards! Come (Walks OFF RIGHT.) quick! MARCH HARE: Oh, we have brains, all right! (Follows SCARECROW ALICE: (Speaks.) No! I’ve told you it wasn’t me. I can’t tell you where OFF RIGHT.) they are because I don’t know. Someone’s run off with them. 30 MAD HATTER: That much is true. If I didn’t have brains, where else 30 FISH FOOTMAN: (Sings.) The Queen is quite short-tempered, could I set my hat? (Puts his hat back on his head and EXITS RIGHT.) Won’t tolerate mistakes. DORMOUSE: (Lies down.) Don’t mind me. I just have a couple of logs She’s given me an ulcer, to saw, and I promise I won’t miss anything. Then I’ll catch up. And my belly aches! (Goes to sleep and snores away as the LIGHTS FADE to BLACK.) I can’t take her much longer. End of Scene One 35 I’m a total mess! Unless I do things perfectly, ACT TWO Well, you can guess! Scene Two – Directions from an Old Friend Now, please, the tarts! (Kneels.) 35 LIGHTS UP: CURTAIN UP to reveal a great tree CENTER. A sign that I’m begging on my knees! reads, “WANTED: ALICE. For crimes against the Queen” is prominently 40 Her sweet tooth is the only thing That ever will appease!

42 27 1 ALICE: (Sings.) I’m not a thief! 1 ALL: (Sing.) Will we ever see home again? I give my solemn vow! Will it still be the place I once knew, I don’t even care for tarts! Where I changed as I grew? There’s no way, no how! (KNIGHT ENTERS LEFT.) Nothing can quiet this yen. 5 FISH FOOTMAN: (Points at ALICE. Speaks.) Arrest her! 5 I so long to see home again. KNIGHT: (Speaks.) Why? ALICE/DOROTHY: (Sing.) And I so need the answer, FISH FOOTMAN: (Speaks.) She stole the queen’s tarts! The how, what and when. ALICE: (Speaks.) I didn’t. ALL: (Sing.) Tell me now, FISH FOOTMAN: (Speaks.) She did. Just look at her hands. (KNIGHT Will we ever see home again? (ALL FREEZE as LIGHTS FADE to 10 BLACK. MUSIC OUT.) 10 grabs ALICE’S hands and opens them.) See? KNIGHT: (Speaks.) We’ve caught you red-handed. End of ACT ONE ALICE: (Speaks.) No. That was a trick. MUSIC CUE 8a: “Entr’acte-A Mad Adventure.” ENTIRE ENSEMBLE ENTERS RIGHT in single file led by MAD HATTER, MARCH HARE, KNIGHT: (Arrests her. Speaks.) Sorry, but the proof is against you. I’ll DORMOUSE and SCARECROW. They parade across the stage as they just read you your last rights. sing. 15 ALICE: (Speaks.) No. It was the Knave! (Sings.) 15 ENSEMBLE: (Sings.) We’ll have such fun! He grabbed my hands We’ll skip and run right to this mad adventure! And smeared them red, Hi hi ho! Played his trick, then ran off quick! Off through Wonderland we go! It’s him you want instead! What a show! 20 A life’s worth more than pastry, the Queen will surely see. 20 We’ll trek and risk our neck on this adventure! We’ll have a chat, she’ll get that and she’ll set me free. Mad about, we’ll gad about FISH FOOTMAN/KNIGHT: (Sing.) You’re so naïve. With braggadocio! Dosey doe! You won’t believe how heads will fly! We’re dancing while we’re chancing an adventure! Let it be yours this time for I’m too young to die! Hi hi hey! 25 The tarts are gone. 25 An adventure holiday! Someone must pay. Off we fly to search and seek The Queen will have revenge. And root about and spy. We won’t survive another day! Why, nothing’s more exciting or inviting, I must say. ALICE: (Sings.) It’s just not right. We shall not get lost or led astray! 30 (Speaks. A plea.) I swear I’m innocent! 30 We’re on our way! FISH FOOTMAN/KNIGHT: (Sing.) She won’t care. (Shouts.) We’re on our way! Hey! (ALL parade OUT as the LIGHTS One head for tarts, and she will be content. FADE to BLACK. MUSIC OUT.) ALICE: (Sings.) This is so unfair! ACT TWO Someone must make you understand! Scene One – A Mad Adventure 35 FISH FOOTMAN/KNIGHT: (Sing.) Fairness isn’t part of justice LIGHTS UP: Played before the curtain. SCARECROW ENTERS LEFT, Here in Wonderland! looking for DOROTHY, along with MARCH HARE, MAD HATTER and FISH FOOTMAN: (Speaks to KNIGHT.) Now! Enough of this foolishness! 35 DORMOUSE, who have come along for the adventure. SCARECROW Arrest her! (MUSIC OUT.) leads and DORMOUSE lags behind the group, yawning and walking KNIGHT: (Ignores her.) You are under arrest. You have the right to very tiredly. 40 become headless. Anything you do— SCARECROW: (Calls out.) Dorothy! Dorothy!

28 41 RIGHTS MUST BE PURCHASED BEFORE REPRODUCING THIS SCRIPT 1 LION: I have. I’m not afraid of no Queen! 1 LION: (ENTERS LEFT, dragging ON KNAVE OF HEARTS, who still has a WIZARD: Very well. You must be on your way. Just remember. The satchel or bag.) Let her go! Queen is very temperamental. If you wish to defeat her, you KNAVE OF HEARTS: Let me go! (Struggles.) mustn’t anger her, and you must beat her at her own game. You LION: (Smacks KNAVE OF HEARTS on the head.) Quiet, you! (TO 5 should also know… she doesn’t play fair. 5 KNIGHT.) She didn’t do anything. DOROTHY: It sounds impossible. Are you sure we have to do this? ALICE: Thank you, brave lion. (To FISH FOOTMAN.) See? WIZARD: Yes. The people of Wonderland are counting on you. But FISH FOOTMAN: (To LION.) The proof is against her. here. Take this. It may prove useful. (Tosses the invitation over the LION: No, it isn’t. Look in his bag. (Takes the bag from KNAVE OF screen to DOROTHY. TOTO barks. MUSIC CUE 8: “Will We Ever See HEARTS and tosses it to FISH FOOTMAN.) 10 Home Again?”) 10 FISH FOOTMAN: (Looks inside the bag, then dumps out its contents, ALICE: (Speaks.) Very well. But how shall we find the Queen? which happens to be a bunch of colorful charts. Line charts, bar WIZARD: (Speaks.) I do not know. But until the Queen of Hearts is charts, pie charts, etc. Holds them up.) These aren’t tarts! These defeated, you will not see your homes again. (DOROTHY sighs and are charts. (Holds up the pie chart.) looks discouraged.) KNAVE OF HEARTS: That’s my pie chart! I collect them. (Proud.) Why, 15 ALICE: (Steps forward, sings.) Sitting by the fire, 15 there are even some who call me the Knave of Charts! (Looks Knitting on my mittens, around at the OTHERS, who look at him, curious.) What? I like Kittens chasing yarn string… statistics. Seems so long ago. LION: (To KNAVE OF HEARTS.) You hid them! That’s it! He must have DOROTHY: (Steps forward, sings.) Feeding all the chickens, hidden the tarts. 20 Kneading dough for baking, Waking with the sunrise… 20 FISH FOOTMAN: Where’s the proof? How I miss it so! LION: He must have switched the bags. Listen, I saw the whole thing. ALICE/DOROTHY: (Sing.) Will we ever see home again? He was here, and he stole the tarts! (Indicates ALICE.) She was Will it be what I see in my mind, just an innocent witness! 25 Waiting so far behind? ALICE: It’s true! My heart keeps asking me when 25 KNIGHT: As there is no clear culprit, and you both seem to be at fault, Will we ever see home again. we’ll let the Queen decide your fate. Come! You’ll both make your LION: (Speaks.) I sure miss it. (WIZARD steps out from behind screen case before the Queen. (Begins to lead ALICE away. LION roars and to sing. LIGHTS UP on SCARECROW EXTREME DOWN RIGHT and on pounces. A struggle ensues during which ALICE breaks free.) 30 TIN MAN, who is still rusted, EXTREME DOWN LEFT. TIN MAN sings LION: (To ALICE.) Quick! Run! I’ll be right behind you! (ALICE runs OFF while rusted stiff.) 30 LEFT. LION continues to struggle with KNIGHT as the LIGHTS FADE WIZARD/SCARECROW/LION/TIN MAN: (Sing.) to BLACK.) Blinding Em’rald City, End of Scene Seven Winding roads of yellow, 35 Mellow fields of poppies… ACT ONE Mem’ries fondly grow. Scene Eight – Painting the Roses Red ALICE/DOROTHY/WIZARD/SCRARECROW/LION/TIN MAN: LIGHTS UP: The Queen’s rose garden. The short wall is now turned to (Sing.) Will we ever see home again? the side decorated to be a hedge of white and red roses. QUEEN OF Are we lost in a strange , HEARTS watches as CARDS paint the white roses red. 40 Never to be set free? 35 QUEEN OF HEARTS: Watch what you’re doing, Five! You’re dripping It seems impossible, then, paint everywhere! That we’ll ever be home again. (OPTIONAL OZIANS ENTER UPSTAGE.) FIVE: Sorry, Your Highness. It’s not my fault. Seven watered down the paint.

40 29 RIGHTS MUST BE PURCHASED BEFORE REPRODUCING THIS SCRIPT 1 QUEEN OF HEARTS: What’s that?! 1 WIZARD: Her power rests only in the image of power she has created SEVEN: That’s right, Five. Just lay the blame on others. for herself, but that is also her greatest weakness. As long as she QUEEN OF HEARTS: Is it true that you watered down the paint? appears to be unbeatable, she will remain unbeatable. Beat her at croquet, and the people of Wonderland will see that she can be SEVEN: Yes, Your Majesty, but only so we’d have enough to paint all 5 conquered. They will see that the Queen isn’t to be feared. They 5 of the roses red. will do the rest of the work, and she’ll fall like the house of cards QUEEN OF HEARTS: Off with your heads! she has built. FIVE: What? Me, too? DOROTHY: Very well. That seems easy enough. I will agree to it if you QUEEN OF HEARTS: Yes, you! I asked you to paint the roses red, not promise to help me get home to my aunt and uncle. to paint the ground red! Off with your heads! 10 WIZARD: I promise. And I will also provide you with the help of friends. 10 KNIGHT: (ENTERS RIGHT with KNAVE OF HEARTS, whose hands are I believe you know this ferocious beast. (LION ENTERS from behind tied together, and FISH FOOTMAN. Kneels.) Your Majesty. the screen. TOTO barks.) QUEEN OF HEARTS: What’s going on here? Why is my knave tied up? DOROTHY: Oh, Lion! I thought I’d never see you again! KNIGHT: There is suspicion that a certain someone has committed a LION: Dorothy! great crime against you, my Queen. 15 DOROTHY: And where are Scarecrow and Tin Man? 15 QUEEN OF HEARTS: But who would dare? Tell me. What happened? LION: I’m sorry, Dorothy, but I was separated from them, too. I haven’t (MUSIC CUE 6a: “Who Stole the Tarts?–Reprise.”) found them yet. FISH FOOTMAN: (Speaks.) Someone has stolen your tarts. WIZARD: But you just may. Time will tell. They have the brains and QUEEN OF HEARTS: (Speaks.) The tarts?! the heart for it, so I’m sure they will find you. But you shall have FISH FOOTMAN: (Speaks.) The tarts. 20 another in your party. May I introduce you to Alice? (ALICE ENTERS 20 QUEEN OF HEARTS: (Sings.) The tarts (Speaks.) are gone?! Who stole from behind the screen.) the tarts? (Sings.) I will have revenge. ALICE: (Curtseys.) It’s very nice to meet you. They won’t survive another day! DOROTHY: (Curtseys.) The same to you. But did you say your name Who was this fiend? was Alice? I’ll make them pay! 25 ALICE: Yes. I’m trying to get home, too. My home is in England. The 25 I will have one head for tarts! wizard said he could help me, too, if only we can defeat the wicked They mustn’t get away! Queen. I guess we’ll be working together. ALL: (Except QUEEN OF HEARTS, sing.) Though it seems unfair, DOROTHY: Oh, my. But I’ve just heard that the Queen is searching for Someone must make them understand! a girl name Alice. (ALL including QUEEN OF HEARTS, sing.) 30 ALICE: I know. 30 Fairness isn’t part of justice here in Wonderland! WIZARD: Yes. I’ve just received such word from my footman. QUEEN OF HEARTS: (Speaks.) Now tell me before I have all of your DOROTHY: But how can you expect her to enter the Queen’s presence heads! Who stole the tarts? (MUSIC OUT.) if she is certain to be taken prisoner? KNIGHT: (Points to the KNAVE OF HEARTS.) There’s a strong possibility WIZARD: All of that has been arranged. The Queen only knows her by he did. 35 name. Alice will simply have to use a pseudonym. 35 QUEEN OF HEARTS: The Knave of Hearts stole the Queen’s tarts? ALICE: I’ve always wanted a secret identity! (DOROTHY seems KNIGHT: Yes, Your Majesty. surprised at ALICE’S confidence.) Oh, don’t worry, Dorothy. It’s just KNAVE OF HEARTS: But I didn’t. You’ve no proof. as the wizard said. The Queen doesn’t have any real power, just KNIGHT: Someone saw him. the impression of power. And besides, we have a brave and tough QUEEN OF HEARTS: Five! Seven! (FIVE and SEVEN cross to her.) Take 40 lion protecting us! He’s already saved me once. 40 him away. (CARDS grab the KNAVE OF HEARTS.) To the dungeons! DOROTHY: You have?

30 39 1 FROG FOOTMAN: You will address him as he sits behind his screen. 1 KNAVE OF HEARTS: (As CARDS lead him away.) No! You must hear (FROG FOOTMAN steps aside and allows DOROTHY and TOTO to me out, Your Majesty! It was the girl, not me. She was caught red- pass through the door. FROG FOOTMAN returns to his spot outside handed! (CARDS pull him OFF LEFT.) the door and stares at the sky. Now on the other side, DOROTHY and QUEEN OF HEARTS: (To KNIGHT and FISH FOOTMAN.) What girl? 5 TOTO approach the screen.) 5 KNIGHT: There was a girl there. It’s possible she stole the tarts. WIZARD: (From behind the screen. [NOTE: WIZARD’S lines may be QUEEN OF HEARTS: Who? spoken from behind the screen or as a voiceover with cool echoes.]) FISH FOOTMAN: Her name is Alice, Your Majesty. I am Oz, the great and powerful. Who are you and why do you seek me? (TOTO barks.) QUEEN OF HEARTS: Where is she? (KNIGHT and FISH FOOTMAN look at one another, but keep mum. Builds to a shout.) I said… “Where 10 DOROTHY: Oh, Wizard! It’s me, Dorothy. Dorothy Gale. With Toto. Don’t 10 is she?!” you remember us? KNIGHT: She got away. WIZARD: Dorothy? FISH FOOTMAN: We couldn’t help it, Your Majesty. DOROTHY: Yes. You promised to help me, remember? You were going to take me back home to my aunt and uncle in Kansas in your KNIGHT: She had a giant lion protecting her. 15 balloon when we were all swept away by the tornado. QUEEN OF HEARTS: I don’t care if there was a fire-breathing squid WIZARD: Oh, yes. Very well. I will help you. But first, you must do 15 protecting her. Find her! At once! I must have my tarts and if they something for me. (TOTO growls.) are missing, then someone’s head shall roll! Now go! DOROTHY: But I’ve already killed the Wicked Witch of the West at your KNIGHT/FISH FOOTMAN: (Bow and start to go.) Yes, Your Majesty. request. What more must I do? QUEEN OF HEARTS: Wait! Not you! 20 WIZARD: You must defeat the Queen of Hearts. KNIGHT/FISH FOOTMAN: Me? DOROTHY: Why must I defeat her? 20 QUEEN OF HEARTS: (To KNIGHT.) No, not you. You go! Find the girl! WIZARD: The Queen of Hearts is a terrible tyrant. You’ll find that she Now! is just as wicked as the Wicked Witch of the West. KNIGHT: (Kneels quickly.) Yes, my Queen. (Rushes OFF RIGHT.) DOROTHY: How so? QUEEN OF HEARTS: (To FISH FOOTMAN.) You. I want this girl found 25 WIZARD: She has built a great army of chess pieces and playing immediately. Put some wanted posters up. I want them everywhere. cards. 25 FISH FOOTMAN: But I’ve still all the invitations to deliver. DOROTHY: (Laughs.) Chess pieces? Playing cards? That doesn’t QUEEN OF HEARTS: Then do both at the same time. sound so terrible. Certainly not nearly as frightening as those FISH FOOTMAN: (Kneels quickly.) As you wish, my Queen. (Rushes awful ! (TOTO whimpers.) OFF RIGHT.) 30 WIZARD: But she is very terrible. She has great power, and she puts QUEEN OF HEARTS: Now, where was I? Oh, yes. Five and Seven. even the most innocent of people to death in the worst ways 30 (Speaks to them as if they are still there.) I want all of these roses imaginable. painted before the guests arrive, and if so much as a drop is spilled DOROTHY: Oh, my! upon the ground, I shall have both of your heads. Understood? WIZARD: She is seeking to enslave all the free peoples of Wonderland. (Waits then looks around and notices they’ve gone.) Where’d they go? These roses need painting! Off with their heads! Off with their 35 DOROTHY: But you know I cannot kill anyone. I only killed the witches 35 heads, I say! by mistake. KING OF HEARTS: (ENTERS LEFT with CHESS PIECES and TIN MAN. WIZARD: You need not kill the Queen. You must journey to her rose [NOTE: If possible, they should appear wet.]) There you are, my garden and defeat her in a simple game of croquet. Queen. I see you’re hard at work, keeping the executioner’s DOROTHY: Well, that seems simple enough. But how will that stop her? schedule full as always. (FIVE and SEVEN ENTER UP LEFT and, not 40 WIZARD: She never loses at croquet. But she must. 40 wishing to interrupt or anger QUEEN OF HEARTS, quietly begin to DOROTHY: I don’t follow. paint the roses once more.)

38 31 1 QUEEN OF HEARTS: Good! You’ve returned! Why are you all wet? 1 FISH FOOTMAN: Close enough. Please deliver both to His Wizardness. KING OF HEARTS: We ran into a rainstorm on the way back. (FOOTMEN bow and bump their heads together. DOROTHY laughs. QUEEN OF HEARTS: Ew! (Holds her nose and fans the air.) You smell FISH FOOTMAN EXITS RIGHT. FROG FOOTMAN goes through the like a soggy poodle! Step away! Step away! doorway and EXITS UP CENTER into the house.) 5 DOROTHY: (Approaches and reads the sign.) W. Oz. Hmmm… (Reads 5 KING OF HEARTS: (Does so.) But I’ve good news, my dearest. I’ve brought you a present. again.) W. Oz… Aha! It’s the Wizard! It just has to be the wizard, Toto! His balloon must have been swept here by the tornado just QUEEN OF HEARTS: Oh, how thoughtful. What is it? (Excited.) Is it as we were! And if it is the wizard, it must mean that I’m back to shiny? my normal size again. Oh, Toto, this is wonderful! We’ve found KING OF HEARTS: Yes. 10 the wizard, and he can help us get back home to Aunt Em and 10 QUEEN OF HEARTS: Ooh! Is it really big? Uncle Henry! (Just as she is about to knock on the door, FROG KING OF HEARTS: Well, yes, I suppose… FOOTMAN opens the door, steps through it, and sits on the stool. QUEEN OF HEARTS: Ooh! And is it meant to be worn around my neck, He takes no notice of DOROTHY and TOTO and just stares at the on my ears or on my finger? sky. DOROTHY steps back and watches him. Finally.) Ahem. (FROG 15 FOOTMAN continues to stare at the sky.) Ahem! (TOTO barks. Again, KING OF HEARTS: Ummm… No? No for all three. no response. Finally, DOROTHY steps up to the door and knocks.) 15 QUEEN OF HEARTS: I’m stumped. What is it? Tell me. Tell me. FROG FOOTMAN: (Still stares at the sky.) There’s no use knocking. KING OF HEARTS: Yet another criminal that needs to be beheaded, DOROTHY: Why’s that? my Queen. FROG FOOTMAN: Two reasons. First, I am on the same side of the QUEEN OF HEARTS: (Pouts, disappointed.) Hmph! Not what I was 20 door as you are. Perhaps, if I were on the inside of the house and hoping for, but I suppose it’s good enough. All right. Where is the you knocked, you might be getting somewhere. 20 criminal? DOROTHY: Very well, then. Go inside and let me in, Footman. (FROG KING OF HEARTS: (Indicates TIN MAN.) Right here, my Queen. FOOTMAN does so. DOROTHY knocks.) TIN MAN: No! I didn’t do anything. I could never harm anyone! FROG FOOTMAN: (Opens the door and peeks out.) It’s no use knocking. QUEEN OF HEARTS: And what did this man do that I should have him 25 DOROTHY: Now, what is it? beheaded? FROG FOOTMAN: Reason number two. The wizard may refuse you. 25 ROOK: He killed someone. Few have seen the Great Oz. QUEEN OF HEARTS: Who? DOROTHY: But I must see him. He promised to help me. Please, can’t ROOK: An egg, Your Majesty. you let me in? PAWN: Yep, cracked him up into a thousand pieces. 30 FROG FOOTMAN: I’ll pass along your message to him. (Closes the QUEEN OF HEARTS: Now, that doesn’t seem so bad. door. TOTO barks.) 30 TIN MAN: Oh, but it was terrible! DOROTHY: (Exasperated.) Oh, Toto! It’s just like trying to get into the QUEEN OF HEARTS: It sounds delicious! Emerald City all over again! PAWN: No, no! He’s right. It was a terrible murder! FROG FOOTMAN: (Opens the door and peeks out.) I’ve good news. He ROOK: It’s no yolk, Your Majesty! 35 said he will grant you an audience. KING OF HEARTS: Off with his head! DOROTHY: May I come in then? 35 CARDS/CHESS PIECES: Yes! Off with his head! FROG FOOTMAN: Yes, but the wizard does not wish to be seen. TIN MAN: That will do you no good. I’m not afraid of losing my head. DOROTHY: But you just said— If you chop off my head, I’ll just have the tinsmith replace it with a FROG FOOTMAN: That he doesn’t wish do be seen, which is not the new one, just as he did before. 40 same as he doesn’t wish to be spoken to. KING OF HEARTS: The tinsmith can fix you? DOROTHY: Then, how am I to speak with him?

32 37 RIGHTS MUST BE PURCHASED BEFORE REPRODUCING THIS SCRIPT 1 QUEEN OF HEARTS: Off with their heads! Now! Or I’ll have your head, 1 TIN MAN: Yes. He made me. After my ax was enchanted and chopped too. off all of my parts, he made me new parts. TIN MAN: I don’t wish to anger you… (Pauses and begins twitching KING OF HEARTS: Then off with the tinsmith’s head! his lips as if he’s having trouble speaking.) …Your… Your Majesty, QUEEN OF HEARTS: No! I proclaim the sentences around here. 5 but… (Now, parts of him freeze and he seems to have trouble 5 Besides, this man could prove useful to us. What can you do? moving as well. He struggles.) …But I… I just… can’t! TIN MAN: Well, the wizard gave me a new heart. Now, I can feel love QUEEN OF HEARTS: (Rants. As she does so, TIN MAN struggles to move, and joy and empathy and laughter! but little by little he FREEZES. He is rusting.) How dare you refuse an QUEEN OF HEARTS: That’s no use to me! What else can you do? order from the Queen?! Don’t you know who you’re dealing with? TIN MAN: How about this? (MUSIC CUE 6b: “Recitation.” Kneels and 10 I am the Queen of Hearts! I make all the rules, and you have just 10 recites.) Oh, my love’s like a red, red rose broken rule number one! Never! Refuse! The Queen! Off with his That’s newly sprung in June. head! Off with his head! (Stares at TIN MAN, who doesn’t react.) Didn’t you hear me? I said, “Off with his head!” That means you! Oh, my love’s like a melody (Puts her finger in his chest. He doesn’t stir. She waves her hand in That’s sweetly played in tune. (MUSIC OUT. CARDS and CHESS 15 his face, then snaps her fingers. Then, she makes a goofy face at him. PIECES smile and sigh.) He does not budge. QUEEN OF HEARTS laughs.) Ha! He’s turned to 15 QUEEN OF HEARTS: (To CHESS PIECES.) Quiet, you! (To CARDS.) And stone! Serves him right refusing my orders. Now… where was I? you! Why are you still talking? I thought I sentenced you to death! (CARDS quickly turn away and continue to paint the roses and whistle TIN MAN: Oh, my! as if they have no clue what she was planning to have done to them. QUEEN OF HEARTS: (Looks at TIN MAN.) Aha! That’s just it! I know 20 QUEEN OF HEARTS thinks as the LIGHTS FADE to BLACK.) how you can help me. You say you have an ax, and with all these End of Scene Eight 20 beheadings, my current ax man seems to be too busy to keep up. You can be my new executioner! ACT ONE Scene Nine – The Great Oz TIN MAN: Oh, but I couldn’t. LIGHTS UP: The house of the Wizard of Oz. DOWN LEFT is a door, and QUEEN OF HEARTS: I’ll even put you in charge. (MUSIC CUE 7: “The above the door hangs a sign which reads, “W. Oz”. (See PRODUCTION Heartless Executioner.” Speaks.) You’ll be the head of beheadings! NOTES.) The FROG FOOTMAN sits near the door on a stool. Inside 25 TIN MAN: (Speaks.) That sounds terrible. I could never— the wizard’s house is a screen, CENTER. DOROTHY ENTERS DOWN QUEEN OF HEARTS: (Sings.) Be a man! Keep your head. 25 LEFT with TOTO. FROG FOOTMAN doesn’t notice her. She is about to Fill the world full of dread. approach, but stops when FISH FOOTMAN hurries IN RIGHT carrying an Man of tin, time to shine, join the clan. invitation and a wanted poster. Raise your blade in the air high as you can, FISH FOOTMAN: (Crosses to FROG FOOTMAN and hands over the 30 As you shout, “Off with their heads” like a man. invitation.) For the Wizard. An invitation from the Queen to play KING/FIVE/SEVEN: (Sing.) Be a man! Be a brute! 30 croquet. Be precise, execute. FROG FOOTMAN: (Takes the invitation.) From the Queen. An invitation Be the best, don’t be known for someone who ran. for the Wizard to play croquet. Keep it sharp, keep it swift, all spic ’n’ span, FISH FOOTMAN: And… (Hands him the wanted poster.) …for whomever 35 As you shout, “Off with their heads” like a man! may have knowledge of her whereabouts, a bounty on the head of QUEEN OF HEARTS: (Sings.) Grab your trusty ax. 35 a young girl named Alice, for wrongs against the Queen. Hold it like a friend. DOROTHY: (To herself.) Oh, my! Take some healthy whacks, FROG FOOTMAN: (Takes the poster.) For wrongs against the Queen, Chopping ’til the end! a bounty on the head of whomever may have knowledge of the 40 Keep them all in fear, whereabouts of a young girl named Alice. Retributioner.

36 33 RIGHTS MUST BE PURCHASED BEFORE REPRODUCING THIS SCRIPT 1 Hear the people cheer, 1 I just don’t belong “He’s the Tin Man, Where you want me to be. The heartless executioner!” No heads top the block QUEEN/KING/CARDS/CHORUS: (Sing.) To chop for me! 5 Be a man! Full of strength, 5 QUEEN/KING/CARDS/CHORUS: (Sing.) Not just a rusty, empty can. Be a man! Not a coward, Show no conscience Not a sissy, not a wimp! And we all will be a fan. Show some backbone, Look at necks like they were logs Stand up straight, 10 With shorter span, 10 Not loose ’n’ limp. As we say, “Off with their heads like a man!” Show some mettle, We’ll provide the goods Show some steel, Just like in the woods. Embrace our plan, Taking down the trees, As we squeal, “Off with their heads” like a man! (The following two 15 You’ll have them on their knees. 15 stanzas are sung as a duet.) You will be our stout TIN MAN: (Sings.) You have made a big mistake, Restitutioner, And my poor heart would break As the people shout, To do what you command. “He’s the Tin Man, Why can’t you understand 20 The heartless executioner!” 20 That I’m not what you see? TIN MAN: (Sings.) You’ve made a mistake. You’ve got me wrong. I can’t do what you command. I don’t belong. My looks are deceiving. It’s just not me! I am gentle and kind. I could never truly ever be that man! 25 My poor heart would break 25 I’m not the executioner! If I raised a cruel hand. QUEEN/KING/CARDS/CHORUS: (Sing.) Dear, Queen, please believe me Grab your trusty ax. And change your mind. (The following two stanzas are sung as a Hold it like a friend. duet.) Take some healthy whacks, 30 GIRL PLAYING CARDS: (Sing.) Na-na-na! Hey! Hey! 30 Chopping ’til the end. Na-na-na! Hey! Hey! Keep them all in fear, Na-na-na! Hey! Hey! Retributioner! Na-na-na! Hey! Hey! Hear the people cheer, Na-na-na! Hey! Hey! “He’s the Tin Man, 35 Na-na-na! Hey! Hey! 35 The heartless executioner! Na-na-na! Hey! Hey! He’s the Tin Man, Na-na-na! Hey! Hey! The executioner!” (MUSIC OUT.) Na-na-na! Na-na-na-na-na! QUEEN OF HEARTS: (Sweet.) As Executioner, your life will be spared TIN MAN: (Sings.) You’ve got me all wrong. in return. (Points to the CARDS.) Now, cut the cards! 40 I’m not what you see. 40 TIN MAN: Oh, no, Your Majesty. I couldn’t. It would break my new I can’t hurt a fly. heart. I can’t even try.

34 35 1 Hear the people cheer, 1 I just don’t belong “He’s the Tin Man, Where you want me to be. The heartless executioner!” No heads top the block QUEEN/KING/CARDS/CHORUS: (Sing.) To chop for me! 5 Be a man! Full of strength, 5 QUEEN/KING/CARDS/CHORUS: (Sing.) Not just a rusty, empty can. Be a man! Not a coward, Show no conscience Not a sissy, not a wimp! And we all will be a fan. Show some backbone, Look at necks like they were logs Stand up straight, 10 With shorter span, 10 Not loose ’n’ limp. As we say, “Off with their heads like a man!” Show some mettle, We’ll provide the goods Show some steel, Just like in the woods. Embrace our plan, Taking down the trees, As we squeal, “Off with their heads” like a man! (The following two 15 You’ll have them on their knees. 15 stanzas are sung as a duet.) You will be our stout TIN MAN: (Sings.) You have made a big mistake, Restitutioner, And my poor heart would break As the people shout, To do what you command. “He’s the Tin Man, Why can’t you understand 20 The heartless executioner!” 20 That I’m not what you see? TIN MAN: (Sings.) You’ve made a mistake. You’ve got me wrong. I can’t do what you command. I don’t belong. My looks are deceiving. It’s just not me! I am gentle and kind. I could never truly ever be that man! 25 My poor heart would break 25 I’m not the executioner! If I raised a cruel hand. QUEEN/KING/CARDS/CHORUS: (Sing.) Dear, Queen, please believe me Grab your trusty ax. And change your mind. (The following two stanzas are sung as a Hold it like a friend. duet.) Take some healthy whacks, 30 GIRL PLAYING CARDS: (Sing.) Na-na-na! Hey! Hey! 30 Chopping ’til the end. Na-na-na! Hey! Hey! Keep them all in fear, Na-na-na! Hey! Hey! Retributioner! Na-na-na! Hey! Hey! Hear the people cheer, Na-na-na! Hey! Hey! “He’s the Tin Man, 35 Na-na-na! Hey! Hey! 35 The heartless executioner! Na-na-na! Hey! Hey! He’s the Tin Man, Na-na-na! Hey! Hey! The executioner!” (MUSIC OUT.) Na-na-na! Na-na-na-na-na! QUEEN OF HEARTS: (Sweet.) As Executioner, your life will be spared TIN MAN: (Sings.) You’ve got me all wrong. in return. (Points to the CARDS.) Now, cut the cards! 40 I’m not what you see. 40 TIN MAN: Oh, no, Your Majesty. I couldn’t. It would break my new I can’t hurt a fly. heart. I can’t even try.

34 35 1 QUEEN OF HEARTS: Off with their heads! Now! Or I’ll have your head, 1 TIN MAN: Yes. He made me. After my ax was enchanted and chopped too. off all of my parts, he made me new parts. TIN MAN: I don’t wish to anger you… (Pauses and begins twitching KING OF HEARTS: Then off with the tinsmith’s head! his lips as if he’s having trouble speaking.) …Your… Your Majesty, QUEEN OF HEARTS: No! I proclaim the sentences around here. 5 but… (Now, parts of him freeze and he seems to have trouble 5 Besides, this man could prove useful to us. What can you do? moving as well. He struggles.) …But I… I just… can’t! TIN MAN: Well, the wizard gave me a new heart. Now, I can feel love QUEEN OF HEARTS: (Rants. As she does so, TIN MAN struggles to move, and joy and empathy and laughter! but little by little he FREEZES. He is rusting.) How dare you refuse an QUEEN OF HEARTS: That’s no use to me! What else can you do? order from the Queen?! Don’t you know who you’re dealing with? TIN MAN: How about this? (MUSIC CUE 6b: “Recitation.” Kneels and 10 I am the Queen of Hearts! I make all the rules, and you have just 10 recites.) Oh, my love’s like a red, red rose broken rule number one! Never! Refuse! The Queen! Off with his That’s newly sprung in June. head! Off with his head! (Stares at TIN MAN, who doesn’t react.) Didn’t you hear me? I said, “Off with his head!” That means you! Oh, my love’s like a melody (Puts her finger in his chest. He doesn’t stir. She waves her hand in That’s sweetly played in tune. (MUSIC OUT. CARDS and CHESS 15 his face, then snaps her fingers. Then, she makes a goofy face at him. PIECES smile and sigh.) He does not budge. QUEEN OF HEARTS laughs.) Ha! He’s turned to 15 QUEEN OF HEARTS: (To CHESS PIECES.) Quiet, you! (To CARDS.) And stone! Serves him right refusing my orders. Now… where was I? you! Why are you still talking? I thought I sentenced you to death! (CARDS quickly turn away and continue to paint the roses and whistle TIN MAN: Oh, my! as if they have no clue what she was planning to have done to them. QUEEN OF HEARTS: (Looks at TIN MAN.) Aha! That’s just it! I know 20 QUEEN OF HEARTS thinks as the LIGHTS FADE to BLACK.) how you can help me. You say you have an ax, and with all these End of Scene Eight 20 beheadings, my current ax man seems to be too busy to keep up. You can be my new executioner! ACT ONE Scene Nine – The Great Oz TIN MAN: Oh, but I couldn’t. LIGHTS UP: The house of the Wizard of Oz. DOWN LEFT is a door, and QUEEN OF HEARTS: I’ll even put you in charge. (MUSIC CUE 7: “The above the door hangs a sign which reads, “W. Oz”. (See PRODUCTION Heartless Executioner.” Speaks.) You’ll be the head of beheadings! NOTES.) The FROG FOOTMAN sits near the door on a stool. Inside 25 TIN MAN: (Speaks.) That sounds terrible. I could never— the wizard’s house is a screen, CENTER. DOROTHY ENTERS DOWN QUEEN OF HEARTS: (Sings.) Be a man! Keep your head. 25 LEFT with TOTO. FROG FOOTMAN doesn’t notice her. She is about to Fill the world full of dread. approach, but stops when FISH FOOTMAN hurries IN RIGHT carrying an Man of tin, time to shine, join the clan. invitation and a wanted poster. Raise your blade in the air high as you can, FISH FOOTMAN: (Crosses to FROG FOOTMAN and hands over the 30 As you shout, “Off with their heads” like a man. invitation.) For the Wizard. An invitation from the Queen to play KING/FIVE/SEVEN: (Sing.) Be a man! Be a brute! 30 croquet. Be precise, execute. FROG FOOTMAN: (Takes the invitation.) From the Queen. An invitation Be the best, don’t be known for someone who ran. for the Wizard to play croquet. Keep it sharp, keep it swift, all spic ’n’ span, FISH FOOTMAN: And… (Hands him the wanted poster.) …for whomever 35 As you shout, “Off with their heads” like a man! may have knowledge of her whereabouts, a bounty on the head of QUEEN OF HEARTS: (Sings.) Grab your trusty ax. 35 a young girl named Alice, for wrongs against the Queen. Hold it like a friend. DOROTHY: (To herself.) Oh, my! Take some healthy whacks, FROG FOOTMAN: (Takes the poster.) For wrongs against the Queen, Chopping ’til the end! a bounty on the head of whomever may have knowledge of the 40 Keep them all in fear, whereabouts of a young girl named Alice. Retributioner.

36 33 RIGHTS MUST BE PURCHASED BEFORE REPRODUCING THIS SCRIPT 1 QUEEN OF HEARTS: Good! You’ve returned! Why are you all wet? 1 FISH FOOTMAN: Close enough. Please deliver both to His Wizardness. KING OF HEARTS: We ran into a rainstorm on the way back. (FOOTMEN bow and bump their heads together. DOROTHY laughs. QUEEN OF HEARTS: Ew! (Holds her nose and fans the air.) You smell FISH FOOTMAN EXITS RIGHT. FROG FOOTMAN goes through the like a soggy poodle! Step away! Step away! doorway and EXITS UP CENTER into the house.) 5 DOROTHY: (Approaches and reads the sign.) W. Oz. Hmmm… (Reads 5 KING OF HEARTS: (Does so.) But I’ve good news, my dearest. I’ve brought you a present. again.) W. Oz… Aha! It’s the Wizard! It just has to be the wizard, Toto! His balloon must have been swept here by the tornado just QUEEN OF HEARTS: Oh, how thoughtful. What is it? (Excited.) Is it as we were! And if it is the wizard, it must mean that I’m back to shiny? my normal size again. Oh, Toto, this is wonderful! We’ve found KING OF HEARTS: Yes. 10 the wizard, and he can help us get back home to Aunt Em and 10 QUEEN OF HEARTS: Ooh! Is it really big? Uncle Henry! (Just as she is about to knock on the door, FROG KING OF HEARTS: Well, yes, I suppose… FOOTMAN opens the door, steps through it, and sits on the stool. QUEEN OF HEARTS: Ooh! And is it meant to be worn around my neck, He takes no notice of DOROTHY and TOTO and just stares at the on my ears or on my finger? sky. DOROTHY steps back and watches him. Finally.) Ahem. (FROG 15 FOOTMAN continues to stare at the sky.) Ahem! (TOTO barks. Again, KING OF HEARTS: Ummm… No? No for all three. no response. Finally, DOROTHY steps up to the door and knocks.) 15 QUEEN OF HEARTS: I’m stumped. What is it? Tell me. Tell me. FROG FOOTMAN: (Still stares at the sky.) There’s no use knocking. KING OF HEARTS: Yet another criminal that needs to be beheaded, DOROTHY: Why’s that? my Queen. FROG FOOTMAN: Two reasons. First, I am on the same side of the QUEEN OF HEARTS: (Pouts, disappointed.) Hmph! Not what I was 20 door as you are. Perhaps, if I were on the inside of the house and hoping for, but I suppose it’s good enough. All right. Where is the you knocked, you might be getting somewhere. 20 criminal? DOROTHY: Very well, then. Go inside and let me in, Footman. (FROG KING OF HEARTS: (Indicates TIN MAN.) Right here, my Queen. FOOTMAN does so. DOROTHY knocks.) TIN MAN: No! I didn’t do anything. I could never harm anyone! FROG FOOTMAN: (Opens the door and peeks out.) It’s no use knocking. QUEEN OF HEARTS: And what did this man do that I should have him 25 DOROTHY: Now, what is it? beheaded? FROG FOOTMAN: Reason number two. The wizard may refuse you. 25 ROOK: He killed someone. Few have seen the Great Oz. QUEEN OF HEARTS: Who? DOROTHY: But I must see him. He promised to help me. Please, can’t ROOK: An egg, Your Majesty. you let me in? PAWN: Yep, cracked him up into a thousand pieces. 30 FROG FOOTMAN: I’ll pass along your message to him. (Closes the QUEEN OF HEARTS: Now, that doesn’t seem so bad. door. TOTO barks.) 30 TIN MAN: Oh, but it was terrible! DOROTHY: (Exasperated.) Oh, Toto! It’s just like trying to get into the QUEEN OF HEARTS: It sounds delicious! Emerald City all over again! PAWN: No, no! He’s right. It was a terrible murder! FROG FOOTMAN: (Opens the door and peeks out.) I’ve good news. He ROOK: It’s no yolk, Your Majesty! 35 said he will grant you an audience. KING OF HEARTS: Off with his head! DOROTHY: May I come in then? 35 CARDS/CHESS PIECES: Yes! Off with his head! FROG FOOTMAN: Yes, but the wizard does not wish to be seen. TIN MAN: That will do you no good. I’m not afraid of losing my head. DOROTHY: But you just said— If you chop off my head, I’ll just have the tinsmith replace it with a FROG FOOTMAN: That he doesn’t wish do be seen, which is not the new one, just as he did before. 40 same as he doesn’t wish to be spoken to. KING OF HEARTS: The tinsmith can fix you? DOROTHY: Then, how am I to speak with him?

32 37 RIGHTS MUST BE PURCHASED BEFORE REPRODUCING THIS SCRIPT 1 FROG FOOTMAN: You will address him as he sits behind his screen. 1 KNAVE OF HEARTS: (As CARDS lead him away.) No! You must hear (FROG FOOTMAN steps aside and allows DOROTHY and TOTO to me out, Your Majesty! It was the girl, not me. She was caught red- pass through the door. FROG FOOTMAN returns to his spot outside handed! (CARDS pull him OFF LEFT.) the door and stares at the sky. Now on the other side, DOROTHY and QUEEN OF HEARTS: (To KNIGHT and FISH FOOTMAN.) What girl? 5 TOTO approach the screen.) 5 KNIGHT: There was a girl there. It’s possible she stole the tarts. WIZARD: (From behind the screen. [NOTE: WIZARD’S lines may be QUEEN OF HEARTS: Who? spoken from behind the screen or as a voiceover with cool echoes.]) FISH FOOTMAN: Her name is Alice, Your Majesty. I am Oz, the great and powerful. Who are you and why do you seek me? (TOTO barks.) QUEEN OF HEARTS: Where is she? (KNIGHT and FISH FOOTMAN look at one another, but keep mum. Builds to a shout.) I said… “Where 10 DOROTHY: Oh, Wizard! It’s me, Dorothy. Dorothy Gale. With Toto. Don’t 10 is she?!” you remember us? KNIGHT: She got away. WIZARD: Dorothy? FISH FOOTMAN: We couldn’t help it, Your Majesty. DOROTHY: Yes. You promised to help me, remember? You were going to take me back home to my aunt and uncle in Kansas in your KNIGHT: She had a giant lion protecting her. 15 balloon when we were all swept away by the tornado. QUEEN OF HEARTS: I don’t care if there was a fire-breathing squid WIZARD: Oh, yes. Very well. I will help you. But first, you must do 15 protecting her. Find her! At once! I must have my tarts and if they something for me. (TOTO growls.) are missing, then someone’s head shall roll! Now go! DOROTHY: But I’ve already killed the Wicked Witch of the West at your KNIGHT/FISH FOOTMAN: (Bow and start to go.) Yes, Your Majesty. request. What more must I do? QUEEN OF HEARTS: Wait! Not you! 20 WIZARD: You must defeat the Queen of Hearts. KNIGHT/FISH FOOTMAN: Me? DOROTHY: Why must I defeat her? 20 QUEEN OF HEARTS: (To KNIGHT.) No, not you. You go! Find the girl! WIZARD: The Queen of Hearts is a terrible tyrant. You’ll find that she Now! is just as wicked as the Wicked Witch of the West. KNIGHT: (Kneels quickly.) Yes, my Queen. (Rushes OFF RIGHT.) DOROTHY: How so? QUEEN OF HEARTS: (To FISH FOOTMAN.) You. I want this girl found 25 WIZARD: She has built a great army of chess pieces and playing immediately. Put some wanted posters up. I want them everywhere. cards. 25 FISH FOOTMAN: But I’ve still all the invitations to deliver. DOROTHY: (Laughs.) Chess pieces? Playing cards? That doesn’t QUEEN OF HEARTS: Then do both at the same time. sound so terrible. Certainly not nearly as frightening as those FISH FOOTMAN: (Kneels quickly.) As you wish, my Queen. (Rushes awful winged monkeys! (TOTO whimpers.) OFF RIGHT.) 30 WIZARD: But she is very terrible. She has great power, and she puts QUEEN OF HEARTS: Now, where was I? Oh, yes. Five and Seven. even the most innocent of people to death in the worst ways 30 (Speaks to them as if they are still there.) I want all of these roses imaginable. painted before the guests arrive, and if so much as a drop is spilled DOROTHY: Oh, my! upon the ground, I shall have both of your heads. Understood? WIZARD: She is seeking to enslave all the free peoples of Wonderland. (Waits then looks around and notices they’ve gone.) Where’d they go? These roses need painting! Off with their heads! Off with their 35 DOROTHY: But you know I cannot kill anyone. I only killed the witches 35 heads, I say! by mistake. KING OF HEARTS: (ENTERS LEFT with CHESS PIECES and TIN MAN. WIZARD: You need not kill the Queen. You must journey to her rose [NOTE: If possible, they should appear wet.]) There you are, my garden and defeat her in a simple game of croquet. Queen. I see you’re hard at work, keeping the executioner’s DOROTHY: Well, that seems simple enough. But how will that stop her? schedule full as always. (FIVE and SEVEN ENTER UP LEFT and, not 40 WIZARD: She never loses at croquet. But she must. 40 wishing to interrupt or anger QUEEN OF HEARTS, quietly begin to DOROTHY: I don’t follow. paint the roses once more.)

38 31 1 QUEEN OF HEARTS: What’s that?! 1 WIZARD: Her power rests only in the image of power she has created SEVEN: That’s right, Five. Just lay the blame on others. for herself, but that is also her greatest weakness. As long as she QUEEN OF HEARTS: Is it true that you watered down the paint? appears to be unbeatable, she will remain unbeatable. Beat her at croquet, and the people of Wonderland will see that she can be SEVEN: Yes, Your Majesty, but only so we’d have enough to paint all 5 conquered. They will see that the Queen isn’t to be feared. They 5 of the roses red. will do the rest of the work, and she’ll fall like the house of cards QUEEN OF HEARTS: Off with your heads! she has built. FIVE: What? Me, too? DOROTHY: Very well. That seems easy enough. I will agree to it if you QUEEN OF HEARTS: Yes, you! I asked you to paint the roses red, not promise to help me get home to my aunt and uncle. to paint the ground red! Off with your heads! 10 WIZARD: I promise. And I will also provide you with the help of friends. 10 KNIGHT: (ENTERS RIGHT with KNAVE OF HEARTS, whose hands are I believe you know this ferocious beast. (LION ENTERS from behind tied together, and FISH FOOTMAN. Kneels.) Your Majesty. the screen. TOTO barks.) QUEEN OF HEARTS: What’s going on here? Why is my knave tied up? DOROTHY: Oh, Lion! I thought I’d never see you again! KNIGHT: There is suspicion that a certain someone has committed a LION: Dorothy! great crime against you, my Queen. 15 DOROTHY: And where are Scarecrow and Tin Man? 15 QUEEN OF HEARTS: But who would dare? Tell me. What happened? LION: I’m sorry, Dorothy, but I was separated from them, too. I haven’t (MUSIC CUE 6a: “Who Stole the Tarts?–Reprise.”) found them yet. FISH FOOTMAN: (Speaks.) Someone has stolen your tarts. WIZARD: But you just may. Time will tell. They have the brains and QUEEN OF HEARTS: (Speaks.) The tarts?! the heart for it, so I’m sure they will find you. But you shall have FISH FOOTMAN: (Speaks.) The tarts. 20 another in your party. May I introduce you to Alice? (ALICE ENTERS 20 QUEEN OF HEARTS: (Sings.) The tarts (Speaks.) are gone?! Who stole from behind the screen.) the tarts? (Sings.) I will have revenge. ALICE: (Curtseys.) It’s very nice to meet you. They won’t survive another day! DOROTHY: (Curtseys.) The same to you. But did you say your name Who was this fiend? was Alice? I’ll make them pay! 25 ALICE: Yes. I’m trying to get home, too. My home is in England. The 25 I will have one head for tarts! wizard said he could help me, too, if only we can defeat the wicked They mustn’t get away! Queen. I guess we’ll be working together. ALL: (Except QUEEN OF HEARTS, sing.) Though it seems unfair, DOROTHY: Oh, my. But I’ve just heard that the Queen is searching for Someone must make them understand! a girl name Alice. (ALL including QUEEN OF HEARTS, sing.) 30 ALICE: I know. 30 Fairness isn’t part of justice here in Wonderland! WIZARD: Yes. I’ve just received such word from my footman. QUEEN OF HEARTS: (Speaks.) Now tell me before I have all of your DOROTHY: But how can you expect her to enter the Queen’s presence heads! Who stole the tarts? (MUSIC OUT.) if she is certain to be taken prisoner? KNIGHT: (Points to the KNAVE OF HEARTS.) There’s a strong possibility WIZARD: All of that has been arranged. The Queen only knows her by he did. 35 name. Alice will simply have to use a pseudonym. 35 QUEEN OF HEARTS: The Knave of Hearts stole the Queen’s tarts? ALICE: I’ve always wanted a secret identity! (DOROTHY seems KNIGHT: Yes, Your Majesty. surprised at ALICE’S confidence.) Oh, don’t worry, Dorothy. It’s just KNAVE OF HEARTS: But I didn’t. You’ve no proof. as the wizard said. The Queen doesn’t have any real power, just KNIGHT: Someone saw him. the impression of power. And besides, we have a brave and tough QUEEN OF HEARTS: Five! Seven! (FIVE and SEVEN cross to her.) Take 40 lion protecting us! He’s already saved me once. 40 him away. (CARDS grab the KNAVE OF HEARTS.) To the dungeons! DOROTHY: You have?

30 39 1 LION: I have. I’m not afraid of no Queen! 1 LION: (ENTERS LEFT, dragging ON KNAVE OF HEARTS, who still has a WIZARD: Very well. You must be on your way. Just remember. The satchel or bag.) Let her go! Queen is very temperamental. If you wish to defeat her, you KNAVE OF HEARTS: Let me go! (Struggles.) mustn’t anger her, and you must beat her at her own game. You LION: (Smacks KNAVE OF HEARTS on the head.) Quiet, you! (TO 5 should also know… she doesn’t play fair. 5 KNIGHT.) She didn’t do anything. DOROTHY: It sounds impossible. Are you sure we have to do this? ALICE: Thank you, brave lion. (To FISH FOOTMAN.) See? WIZARD: Yes. The people of Wonderland are counting on you. But FISH FOOTMAN: (To LION.) The proof is against her. here. Take this. It may prove useful. (Tosses the invitation over the LION: No, it isn’t. Look in his bag. (Takes the bag from KNAVE OF screen to DOROTHY. TOTO barks. MUSIC CUE 8: “Will We Ever See HEARTS and tosses it to FISH FOOTMAN.) 10 Home Again?”) 10 FISH FOOTMAN: (Looks inside the bag, then dumps out its contents, ALICE: (Speaks.) Very well. But how shall we find the Queen? which happens to be a bunch of colorful charts. Line charts, bar WIZARD: (Speaks.) I do not know. But until the Queen of Hearts is charts, pie charts, etc. Holds them up.) These aren’t tarts! These defeated, you will not see your homes again. (DOROTHY sighs and are charts. (Holds up the pie chart.) looks discouraged.) KNAVE OF HEARTS: That’s my pie chart! I collect them. (Proud.) Why, 15 ALICE: (Steps forward, sings.) Sitting by the fire, 15 there are even some who call me the Knave of Charts! (Looks Knitting on my mittens, around at the OTHERS, who look at him, curious.) What? I like Kittens chasing yarn string… statistics. Seems so long ago. LION: (To KNAVE OF HEARTS.) You hid them! That’s it! He must have DOROTHY: (Steps forward, sings.) Feeding all the chickens, hidden the tarts. 20 Kneading dough for baking, Waking with the sunrise… 20 FISH FOOTMAN: Where’s the proof? How I miss it so! LION: He must have switched the bags. Listen, I saw the whole thing. ALICE/DOROTHY: (Sing.) Will we ever see home again? He was here, and he stole the tarts! (Indicates ALICE.) She was Will it be what I see in my mind, just an innocent witness! 25 Waiting so far behind? ALICE: It’s true! My heart keeps asking me when 25 KNIGHT: As there is no clear culprit, and you both seem to be at fault, Will we ever see home again. we’ll let the Queen decide your fate. Come! You’ll both make your LION: (Speaks.) I sure miss it. (WIZARD steps out from behind screen case before the Queen. (Begins to lead ALICE away. LION roars and to sing. LIGHTS UP on SCARECROW EXTREME DOWN RIGHT and on pounces. A struggle ensues during which ALICE breaks free.) 30 TIN MAN, who is still rusted, EXTREME DOWN LEFT. TIN MAN sings LION: (To ALICE.) Quick! Run! I’ll be right behind you! (ALICE runs OFF while rusted stiff.) 30 LEFT. LION continues to struggle with KNIGHT as the LIGHTS FADE WIZARD/SCARECROW/LION/TIN MAN: (Sing.) to BLACK.) Blinding Em’rald City, End of Scene Seven Winding roads of yellow, 35 Mellow fields of poppies… ACT ONE Mem’ries fondly grow. Scene Eight – Painting the Roses Red ALICE/DOROTHY/WIZARD/SCRARECROW/LION/TIN MAN: LIGHTS UP: The Queen’s rose garden. The short wall is now turned to (Sing.) Will we ever see home again? the side decorated to be a hedge of white and red roses. QUEEN OF Are we lost in a strange fantasy, HEARTS watches as CARDS paint the white roses red. 40 Never to be set free? 35 QUEEN OF HEARTS: Watch what you’re doing, Five! You’re dripping It seems impossible, then, paint everywhere! That we’ll ever be home again. (OPTIONAL OZIANS ENTER UPSTAGE.) FIVE: Sorry, Your Highness. It’s not my fault. Seven watered down the paint.

40 29 RIGHTS MUST BE PURCHASED BEFORE REPRODUCING THIS SCRIPT 1 ALICE: (Sings.) I’m not a thief! 1 ALL: (Sing.) Will we ever see home again? I give my solemn vow! Will it still be the place I once knew, I don’t even care for tarts! Where I changed as I grew? There’s no way, no how! (KNIGHT ENTERS LEFT.) Nothing can quiet this yen. 5 FISH FOOTMAN: (Points at ALICE. Speaks.) Arrest her! 5 I so long to see home again. KNIGHT: (Speaks.) Why? ALICE/DOROTHY: (Sing.) And I so need the answer, FISH FOOTMAN: (Speaks.) She stole the queen’s tarts! The how, what and when. ALICE: (Speaks.) I didn’t. ALL: (Sing.) Tell me now, FISH FOOTMAN: (Speaks.) She did. Just look at her hands. (KNIGHT Will we ever see home again? (ALL FREEZE as LIGHTS FADE to 10 BLACK. MUSIC OUT.) 10 grabs ALICE’S hands and opens them.) See? KNIGHT: (Speaks.) We’ve caught you red-handed. End of ACT ONE ALICE: (Speaks.) No. That was a trick. MUSIC CUE 8a: “Entr’acte-A Mad Adventure.” ENTIRE ENSEMBLE ENTERS RIGHT in single file led by MAD HATTER, MARCH HARE, KNIGHT: (Arrests her. Speaks.) Sorry, but the proof is against you. I’ll DORMOUSE and SCARECROW. They parade across the stage as they just read you your last rights. sing. 15 ALICE: (Speaks.) No. It was the Knave! (Sings.) 15 ENSEMBLE: (Sings.) We’ll have such fun! He grabbed my hands We’ll skip and run right to this mad adventure! And smeared them red, Hi hi ho! Played his trick, then ran off quick! Off through Wonderland we go! It’s him you want instead! What a show! 20 A life’s worth more than pastry, the Queen will surely see. 20 We’ll trek and risk our neck on this adventure! We’ll have a chat, she’ll get that and she’ll set me free. Mad about, we’ll gad about FISH FOOTMAN/KNIGHT: (Sing.) You’re so naïve. With braggadocio! Dosey doe! You won’t believe how heads will fly! We’re dancing while we’re chancing an adventure! Let it be yours this time for I’m too young to die! Hi hi hey! 25 The tarts are gone. 25 An adventure holiday! Someone must pay. Off we fly to search and seek The Queen will have revenge. And root about and spy. We won’t survive another day! Why, nothing’s more exciting or inviting, I must say. ALICE: (Sings.) It’s just not right. We shall not get lost or led astray! 30 (Speaks. A plea.) I swear I’m innocent! 30 We’re on our way! FISH FOOTMAN/KNIGHT: (Sing.) She won’t care. (Shouts.) We’re on our way! Hey! (ALL parade OUT as the LIGHTS One head for tarts, and she will be content. FADE to BLACK. MUSIC OUT.) ALICE: (Sings.) This is so unfair! ACT TWO Someone must make you understand! Scene One – A Mad Adventure 35 FISH FOOTMAN/KNIGHT: (Sing.) Fairness isn’t part of justice LIGHTS UP: Played before the curtain. SCARECROW ENTERS LEFT, Here in Wonderland! looking for DOROTHY, along with MARCH HARE, MAD HATTER and FISH FOOTMAN: (Speaks to KNIGHT.) Now! Enough of this foolishness! 35 DORMOUSE, who have come along for the adventure. SCARECROW Arrest her! (MUSIC OUT.) leads and DORMOUSE lags behind the group, yawning and walking KNIGHT: (Ignores her.) You are under arrest. You have the right to very tiredly. 40 become headless. Anything you do— SCARECROW: (Calls out.) Dorothy! Dorothy!

28 41 RIGHTS MUST BE PURCHASED BEFORE REPRODUCING THIS SCRIPT 1 MAD HATTER: (Calls out.) Beatrice! Hermione! Gertrude! 1 FISH FOOTMAN: (Sings.) The tarts! The tarts! SCARECROW: Stop that! You mustn’t call out for other girls. We’re Who stole the tarts? looking for Dorothy and no one else! The Queen will have my head for this! MAD HATTER: But that’s perfectly illogical. The filcher must confess! 5 SCARECROW: Impossible. 5 The tarts! The tarts! MAD HATTER: Not impossible, but rather very probable. If we find Who stole the tarts? (Holds his head.) Beatrice, perhaps she could help us find Hermione, who could I’ve grown very fond of this. help us find Gertrude, who could, in turn, help us find Dorothy. I won’t be one head less! MARCH HARE: (Bounces.) Yes! And they shall all join us on our ALICE: (Speaks.) It wasn’t me. I… 10 adventure! 10 FISH FOOTMAN: (Speaks.) Who are you? DORMOUSE: (Sluggish.) Party! ALICE: (Speaks.) My name is Alice. MAD HATTER: Unless Gertrude happens to know how to find Dorothy FISH FOOTMAN: (Speaks.) Where are the queen’s tarts? first. Then we would only have two more joining us, which would ALICE: (Speaks.) Someone took them. not make it a party, but only a small gathering. FISH FOOTMAN: (Speaks.) I can see that! (Sings.) 15 MARCH HARE: Either way, it’s still an adventure! And perhaps we’ll 15 The tarts! The tarts! find Time along the way as well! You stole the tarts! SCARECROW: Just stay quiet! You all are driving me mad. ALICE: (Speaks.) No! MAD HATTER: Now, that’s what’s impossible! FISH FOOTMAN: (Sings.) You’d best reveal their whereabouts. DORMOUSE: Impossible! The punishment’s severe! 20 MARCH HARE: Quite right! We’re not driving anywhere, we’re walking! 20 ALICE: (Sings.) Oh, dear! The tarts! MAD HATTER: That’s just the smallest point of it, though. The Kind sir, let me be clear. Scarecrow is clearly mad already. So if we were driving him I saw someone snatch them up anywhere, we’d naturally be driving him sane. (Removes his hat Then quickly disappear. (Speaks.) I can’t tell you where they are. and bows.) FISH FOOTMAN: (Speaks.) Very well. I don’t have time for games 25 SCARECROW: (To himself.) Oh, why did I ask the wizard for brains? 25 today, you foolish little girl. I’ve so many invitations to deliver for It just makes the ones without brains all the more exasperating! the queen, and now I’ve new tarts to make. Guards! Guards! Come (Walks OFF RIGHT.) quick! MARCH HARE: Oh, we have brains, all right! (Follows SCARECROW ALICE: (Speaks.) No! I’ve told you it wasn’t me. I can’t tell you where OFF RIGHT.) they are because I don’t know. Someone’s run off with them. 30 MAD HATTER: That much is true. If I didn’t have brains, where else 30 FISH FOOTMAN: (Sings.) The Queen is quite short-tempered, could I set my hat? (Puts his hat back on his head and EXITS RIGHT.) Won’t tolerate mistakes. DORMOUSE: (Lies down.) Don’t mind me. I just have a couple of logs She’s given me an ulcer, to saw, and I promise I won’t miss anything. Then I’ll catch up. And my belly aches! (Goes to sleep and snores away as the LIGHTS FADE to BLACK.) I can’t take her much longer. End of Scene One 35 I’m a total mess! Unless I do things perfectly, ACT TWO Well, you can guess! Scene Two – Directions from an Old Friend Now, please, the tarts! (Kneels.) 35 LIGHTS UP: CURTAIN UP to reveal a great tree CENTER. A sign that I’m begging on my knees! reads, “WANTED: ALICE. For crimes against the Queen” is prominently 40 Her sweet tooth is the only thing That ever will appease!

42 27 1 KNAVE OF HEARTS: (Surprised, he hides the last tart behind his back.) 1 posted on the tree. A large rock is DOWN LEFT. CHESHIRE CAT ONE What? No! No! You can’t be here right now! lies STAGE RIGHT, sleeping. TOTO ENTERS LEFT and sees CHESHIRE ALICE: Why not? I’ve as much right as you. What are you hiding there? CAT ONE. KNAVE OF HEARTS: Nothing! Nothing at all! (ALICE tries to look, but TOTO: (Quickly crosses to CHESHIRE CAT ONE, but stops a few steps 5 KNAVE OF HEARTS turns so the tart remains hidden.) 5 away, keeping his distance. Then, builds up all the gusto he’s got and ALICE: I don’t believe you. Show me your hands. lets out a bunch of ferocious barks… only they come out as.) Wake up, cat! Wake up right now, or I’ll bite you! KNAVE OF HEARTS: Very well. (Show the tart.) There you have it. I’ve taken the Queen’s tarts. (Kneels, bows his head low and grabs CHESHIRE CAT ONE: (Wakes, calm.) All right. I’m awake. Now, why ALICE’S hands.) Please don’t tell on me. must you be so angry about it? 10 TOTO: Because cats are rude! 10 ALICE: Now, why shouldn’t I? If you’ve knowingly done something wrong, you should face the consequences. CHESHIRE CAT ONE: What’s so rude about sleeping? KNAVE OF HEARTS: (Laughs.) I won’t have to. I’ve tricked you, see? TOTO: You’re in my way! How dare you cross my path! (Points to her hands, which now have red tart smeared on them. CHESHIRE CAT ONE: I wasn’t crossing anywhere. [See PRODUCTION NOTES.]) Now, the Queen is sure to have your TOTO: See? Rude! 15 head and not mine! 15 CHESHIRE CAT ONE: You’ve got it the wrong way around. After all, you ALICE: Oh! You dishonest man! crossed my path. If that’s the definition of rude, then I’d say you’re KNAVE OF HEARTS: (Proud.) That is why they call me the Knave of the rude one. Hearts! DOROTHY: (ENTERS LEFT with ALICE and LION. TOTO turns to her and ALICE: Will the Queen really have my head? barks angrily, occasionally looking back at CHESHIRE CAT ONE, as if 20 KNAVE OF HEARTS: It’s an absolute certainty. The Queen of Hearts 20 he’s trying to tell DOROTHY what has just happened.) Oh, my, Toto! is very temperamental. What has gotten into you? (More angry barking from TOTO. ALICE ALICE: No. I’ll just tell her the truth, and she’ll never believe you. and LION try to shush him.) KNAVE OF HEARTS: Oh, I think she will. You’re just a strange little girl, CHESHIRE CAT ONE: I’ll tell you what happened. Your dog was and it’s your word against mine. As one of her faithful servants, I’m being very rude to me. (TOTO barks louder than ever and chases 25 CHESHIRE CAT ONE.) 25 sure the Queen will side with me. And, besides, you’ll be caught red-handed! (Laughs and runs OFF LEFT.) DOROTHY: Oh, no, Toto! Stop it! Stop it this instant! (TOTO and ALICE: (Screams and stomps.) Ooh! CHESHIRE CAT ONE run around the stage a bit, until finally CHESHIRE CAT ONE races behind the tree. TOTO chases CHESHIRE CAT ONE LION: (Emerging from under table.) Oh, what a crook! behind the tree and races to the other side, but CHESHIRE CAT ALICE: (Sees LION and screams.) Ah! 30 ONE has seemingly disappeared. [NOTE: CHESHIRE CAT ONE has 30 LION: Oh, no, miss. Don’t be afraid. I won’t hurt you. simply hidden behind the tree. For more, see PRODUCTION NOTES.] ALICE: How can I be sure? TOTO is confused and sniffs around the tree, perplexed by the cat’s LION: I want to help you. I saw what he did and how he tricked you. disappearance. DOROTHY, ALICE and LION are confused, too.) Don’t worry, miss. I’ll defend your honor! But I best catch him ALICE: Oh, my! Where has he gone? (Checks behind the tree, on the before he gets away! (Turns LEFT and roars.) Grrr! (Leaps OFF LEFT 35 STAGE RIGHT side looking LEFT. CHESHIRE CAT TWO ENTERS RIGHT, 35 in pursuit of KNAVE OF HEARTS.) behind her. ALICE finds nothing behind the tree.) My, what a curious ALICE: What a surprise! That’s the first kind and helpful creature I’ve sort of cat! met in this place, and it’s a great big lion! (Looks at her hands. CHESHIRE CAT TWO: That’s not a good sign. They say curiosity killed MUSIC CUE 6: “Who Stole the Tarts?” FISH FOOTMAN ENTERS the cat! RIGHT, crosses to the table and quickly sees that the tarts are gone.) 40 ALICE: (Turns.) Oh! There you are!

26 43 1 LION: But how did you get there? (Points to CHESHIRE CAT TWO, then 1 Mad about, we’ll gad about with braggadocio! (SCARECROW back to the tree, then back to CHESHIRE CAT TWO. MUSIC CUE 9: reluctantly decides, “What’s the use?” and joins in the singing and “Everyone Has To Be Somewhere.”) dancing.) CHESHIRE CAT TWO: (Speaks.) Well, I have to be somewhere, don’t I? ALL: (Sing.) Dosey-doe! 5 (Sings.) Everyone has to be somewhere 5 We’re dancing while we’re chancing an adventure! Though it seems they disappear. Hi-hi-hey! An adventure holiday! Everyone has to be somewhere. Off we fly to search and seek and root about and spy! You’re there, and suddenly you’re here. Why, nothing’s more exciting or inviting I must say. Yes, everyone has to be somewhere. We shall not get lost or led astray! 10 DOROTHY/ALICE/LION: (Sing.) We agree. 10 We’re on our way! (MAD HATTER, MARCH HARE and DORMOUSE CHESHIRE CAT TWO: (Sings.) Otherwise, they wouldn’t be. begin to EXIT RIGHT.) Everyone has to be somewhere. (A shout.) We’re on our way! (They’re OUT. MUSIC OUT. SCARECROW DOROTHY/ALICE/LION: (Sing.) Yes, we see. watches them go, scratches his head and follows them OFF as the LIGHTS FADE to BLACK.) CHESHIRE CAT TWO: (Sings.) In your lap or way up a tree. End of Scene Six 15 Out of sight and out of one’s mind, Doesn’t mean we don’t exist. ACT ONE Though sometimes difficult to find, Scene Seven – The Stolen Tarts Left behind, 15 LIGHTS UP: A red table is CENTER. MUSIC CUE 5a: “White Rabbit Then back with the twist of a wrist. Entrance.” FISH FOOTMAN ENTERS LEFT with a tray of tarts. He places 20 DOROTHY/ALICE/LION: (Sing.) It’s hard believing. it on the table and EXITS RIGHT. LION ENTERS LEFT, looks around, Something’s deceiving. and spots the tarts. He nearly goes for them but a noise is heard OFF A ploy that somehow we missed! RIGHT. LION reacts to the sound and crouches beneath the table to CHESHIRE CAT TWO: (With a big cheesy smile.) Olé! 20 observe. WHITE RABBIT runs ON RIGHT. (Sings.) Everyone has to be somewhere. WHITE RABBIT: (Sings.) Oh, flip! Oh, flap! 25 DOROTHY/ALICE/LION: (Speak in rhythm, sarcastic.) Obviously! Why did I take a nap? CHESHIRE CAT TWO: (Sings.) Nothing goes “poof” in thin air. A hopeless chap Everyone has to be somewhere. Who’s lost his map, DOROTHY/ALICE/LION: (Sing.) Normally. 25 My mind’s about to snap! (Runs OFF LEFT. MUSIC OUT.) If you’re not here, then you’re there! (TOTO barks and chases LION: (Jumps up.) What an odd little rabbit! I wonder where he’s off 30 CHESHIRE CAT TWO OFF RIGHT.) to so fast and if he might be able to help me find Dorothy.(Starts after WHITE RABBIT, but hears something OFF RIGHT. LION quickly DOROTHY: (Crosses RIGHT after them. Calls OFF RIGHT.) Toto, no! ducks back under the table.) Come back here! Oh, my! Did you lose him again, Toto? I must say, I’ve never met such an odd sort of cat. (Turns back LEFT.) 30 KNAVE OF HEARTS: (Sneaks ON RIGHT, holding a bag over his shoulder. He looks around for anyone who might be watching, but does not ALICE: (Speaks.) You should meet my cat, Dinah. She’s a perfectly spot LION. KNAVE goes straight for the tarts. LION peeks out and 35 wonderful cat and never disappears, and she especially doesn’t watches, still unnoticed.) Oh, goody good good! There’s no one vanish into thin air. In fact, she can almost always be found here! Not a single soul! And so no one to see me! Mmmm! I think sleeping on the front stair. 35 I shall have a try. (Sticks in his thumb.) Ooh! A plum! (Tastes it, then LION: (Speaks.) But Dorothy’s right. Cats aren’t made to vanish like smiles.) Mmmm! Delicious! No one makes tarts like the Queen of that. I should know, being a cat myself. It’s very strange. (CHESHIRE Hearts! (Begins putting tarts into his bag.) 40 CAT THREE, who has been hiding behind the rock, DOWN LEFT, steps ALICE: (ENTERS LEFT as he puts the last tarts away.) Hello there. out of hiding and sits near the rock.) Could you help me?

44 25 RIGHTS MUST BE PURCHASED BEFORE REPRODUCING THIS SCRIPT 1 Her whereabouts, mysterious, I’ll find her at all cost. 1 CHESHIRE CAT THREE: (Speaks.) You’re not referring to little old me, We both were tossed about by a tornado in the sky. are you? Deposited in this strange place I can’t identify. DOROTHY: (Surprised, speaks.) Oh! There you are again! MAD HATTER/MARCH HARE: (Sing.) We’ll be your guide. CHESHIRE CAT THREE: (Sings.) Everyone has to be somewhere. 5 We’re qualified to lead a mad adventure! 5 DOROTHY/ALICE/LION: (Sing.) So you say. Fiddle-ee, diddle-ee die! (Hold up teacups and toast.) CHESHIRE CAT THREE: (Sings.) Standing right before your eyes. Here’s to Dorothy in your eye! DOROTHY/ALICE/LION: (Sing.) How did you do that? DORMOUSE: (Sings.) I’m coming, too! CHESHIRE CAT THREE: (Sings.) Everyone has to be somewhere. To-wit, to-woo upon this mad adventure! DOROTHY/ALICE/LION: (Sing.) There’s no way! 10 MAD HATTER/MARCH HARE/DORMOUSE: (Sing.) Don’t be concerned. 10 CHESHIRE CAT THREE: (Sings.) I’m just a sneaky ol’ cat! No stone unturned, I have nine lives, and I use them We’ll find her by and by. All simultaneously. I’m careful not to abuse them. SCARECROW: (Sings.) My plan’s for Hatter to fan out I fuse them. 15 And scour the countryside. 15 Here, there, everywhere, it’s all me. Dormouse will sniff out every nook And cranny she might hide. DOROTHY/ALICE/LION: (Sing.) I’m in a tizzy. March Hare will hop upon the top I’m feelin’ dizzy. To find the farthest view. You fried my brain logic’lly! 20 And I will strain my clever brain CHESHIRE CAT THREE: (With a big cheesy smile.) Olé! To think what next to do! (The THREE look at SCARECROW curiously, 20 (Sings.) Everyone has to be somewhere, then at each other. With wild eyes and wicked smiles, they ignore DOROTHY/ALICE/LION: (Sing.) It’s not clear. him and continue.) CHESHIRE CAT THREE: (Sings.) MAD HATTER/MARCH HARE/DORMOUSE: (Sing.) Sometimes you can’t trust your eyes. 25 We’ve all been called upon DOROTHY/ALICE/LION: (Sing.) There’s someone odd here. To wander on this mad adventure! 25 CHESHIRE CAT THREE: (Sings.) Everyone has to be somewhere. Fiddle-ee diddle-ee dum! (Hold up teacups and toast.) DOROTHY/ALICE/LION: (Sing.) You disappear. Drink a toast, a rum-tum-tum! (Clink their teacups together.) CHESHIRE CAT THREE: (Sings.) And everyone loves a surprise! With each surprise, (Speaks.) Now, why would you call me odd? 30 We’ll improvise upon this mad adventure. DOROTHY: (Speaks.) For starters, you grin an awful lot for a cat. Plans are made. Our escapade is waiting. 30 ALICE: (Speaks.) But the oddest part is how you seem to disappear Here we come! and reappear whenever and wherever you like. SCARECROW: (At wits end. About to pull his straw out, speaks.) Oh, no. CHESHIRE CAT THREE: (Speaks.) Perhaps it’s you who are odd for 35 (MAD HATTER, MARCH HARE and DORMOUSE begin wildly dancing staying in one place all the time. around, while SCARECROW looks on dumbfounded.) ALICE: (Speaks.) Why, that’s not odd at all! MAD HATTER/MARCH HARE/DORMOUSE: (Sing.) 35 CHESHIRE CAT THREE: (Speaks.) Says who? We’ll have such fun! DOROTHY: (Speaks.) Says everyone. Why, that’s just a rule of nature! We’ll skip and run right to this mad adventure! CHESHIRE CAT THREE: (Speaks.) Is it? I’ve never heard of such a 40 Hi-hi-ho! Off through Wonderland we go! rule. (TOTO ENTERS RIGHT, sniffing, and sees CHESHIRE CAT THREE. What a show! TOTO begins barking ferociously again and chases CHESHIRE CAT We’ll trek and risk our neck on this adventure! 40 THREE OFF LEFT.)

24 45 RIGHTS MUST BE PURCHASED BEFORE REPRODUCING THIS SCRIPT 1 DOROTHY: (Crosses LEFT and calls OFF.) Oh, Toto! No! Come back! 1 SCARECROW: You can’t fool me. (Points to his head.) This noggin´ is We’ve got to find our way to the Queen! (CHESHIRE CAT ONE steps stuffed full of brains now. Go ahead. Do your worst. OUT from behind the tree, behind DOROTHY, who’s at first surprised.) MAD HATTER: How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a CHESHIRE CAT ONE: (Sings.) Everyone has to be somewhere. woodchuck could chuck wood? 5 DOROTHY/ALICE/LION: (Speak in rhythm.) This is sick! 5 SCARECROW: The answer is simple. A woodchuck would chuck as CHESHIRE CAT ONE: (Sings.) Wonderland has its own rules. much wood as a wood chuck could chuck, if a wood chuck could DOROTHY/ALICE/LION: (Sing.) It happened so quick. chuck wood. CHESHIRE CAT ONE: (Sings.) Everyone has to be somewhere. MAD HATTER: Wrong again. But I’ll give you one more chance. Why did the chicken cross the road? DOROTHY/ALICE/LION: (Sing.) It’s a trick! 10 SCARECROW: To prove he was not chicken. 10 CHESHIRE CAT ONE: (Sings.) We have our own set of tools. (Speaks.) If you weren’t so rude, thinking that everyone you met was odd, MAD HATTER: Strike three! perhaps someone could help you find where you’re going. DORMOUSE: (Wakes a little and sings, swinging his tea cup wildly.) Buy DOROTHY: (Speaks.) Well then, can you help us? me some peanuts and Crack—erjack! I don’t care if I never get back! (Goes back to sleep.) CHESHIRE CAT ONE: (Speaks.) That depends a good deal on where 15 15 you want to get to. SCARECROW: Well, this is getting me nowhere. (Stands.) I must find Dorothy as soon as possible. So I’ll just be on my way. LION: (Speaks.) We’re trying to find the Queen of Hearts. MARCH HARE: On your way? Where? CHESHIRE CAT ONE: (Speaks.) In that case, you should go in that direction. (Points OFF RIGHT.) SCARECROW: To find Dorothy. (Sings.) You may find out once you get there, MARCH HARE: Oh! An adventure! That’s an excellent idea! 20 You’d really rather be here. 20 MAD HATTER: I’ll just grab my hat. (Replaces the hat on his head with Some things may pose quite a threat there, another from under the table. MUSIC CUE 5: “A Mad Adventure.”) And yet there SCARECROW: (Speaks.) Oh, no! You don’t have to come. May be nothing to fear. (Sneaks behind the tree.) MARCH HARE: (Speaks.) Nonsense! Dormouse shall join us. (Pours DOROTHY/ALICE/LION: (Sing.) We’re on a mission, the last drops of tea from the teapot onto DORMOUSE’S head.) 25 A competition. 25 DORMOUSE: (Wakes, but only a little. Defensively, speaks.) I wasn’t And now he’s vanished, oh, dear! asleep. I heard every word. CHESHIRE CAT ONE: (Peaks OUT from behind the tree, smiles big.) MAD HATTER: (Speaks.) We’re going on an adventure. Come quick, or Olé! (Sings.) Everyone has to be somewhere. (Hides behind the else you’ll fall asleep again. tree.) DORMOUSE: (Speaks.) Very well. 30 DOROTHY/ALICE/LION: (Sing.) That’s not fair! 30 MAD HATTER: (Sings.) Why, I’m so thrilled! CHESHIRE CAT TWO: (Peaks IN from OFF RIGHT, sings.) A dream fulfilled to risk a mad adventure! Either you’re here or you’re not. (Steps OFF again.) Fiddle-ee diddle-ee doh! DOROTHY/ALICE/LION: (Sing.) We must be dreaming! Yippee-o! Bravissimo! CHESHIRE CAT THREE: (Peaks IN from OFF LEFT. Sings.) MARCH HARE: (Grabs a travelling bag from under the table and slings 35 Everyone has to be somewhere. 35 it over his shoulder. Sings.) A howdy-do! DOROTHY/ALICE/LION: (Speak in rhythm.) Everywhere! My wacky sack upon my back for this adventure! CHESHIRE CAT ONE: (Appears from behind the tree, sings.) MAD HATTER/MARCH HARE: (Sing.) Over, under, where, I wonder? One just has to find their own spot!(Speaks.) Why do you wish to I say tally ho! see the Queen? SCARECROW: (Sings.) This matter’s very serious. 40 Poor Dorothy’s been lost.

46 23 1 MARCH HARE: That’s overstating it. Mimsy-ness is a wild overreaction, 1 ALICE: (Speaks.) She’s having a game of croquet today, and we wish even for a borogove! to play. DORMOUSE: (Wakes, but only a little.) That’s just what I would say. CHESHIRE CAT ONE: (Speaks.) Oh, good! Then I shall see you there. (Goes back to sleep.) (Crosses behind the tree.) 5 SCARECROW: (ENTERS LEFT.) Aha! I thought I heard voices over here. 5 DOROTHY: (Speaks.) But wait! If you’re going, too, can’t you show us May I join you? the way? (MUSIC OUT. DOROTHY crosses to look behind the tree, MARCH HARE/MAD HATTER: No room! No room! but CHESHIRE CAT ONE seems to have disappeared. SCARECROW SCARECROW: You’re wrong. Anyone could see that there’s plenty of ENTERS RIGHT, then, seeing activity and not wanting to be noticed, room here. (Sits.) See? FREEZES standing up tall with arms outstretched. To CHESHIRE 10 CAT.) Oh, dear! Why must you keep doing that? (Crosses LEFT and 10 MAD HATTER: (Smiles and gives SCARECROW a strange look.) Your calls OFF.) Toto! Toto! (TOTO ENTERS LEFT.) straw wants stuffing. ALICE: Come on, Toto! We have to find the Queen!(They cross SCARECROW: You may be right about that after such a terrible DOWNSTAGE, led by DOROTHY. None of them notices SCARECROW.) storm… (Checks and stuffs his straw.) …but I must say, that’s an awfully odd way to greet a guest. DOROTHY: (Looks LEFT and RIGHT.) Oh, my! Now, which way was it? 15 With all that running and disappearing and reappearing somewhere 15 MARCH HARE: You aren’t a guest. You weren’t invited. else, I’m completely turned around! (Looks around and points in MAD HATTER: And, besides, you can’t be a guest because we’re all various directions, trying to sort it all out.) out of butter. The hare used it all up fixing my watch! (Holds up a SCARECROW: Well, I suppose you could go that way. (Still FROZEN, pocket watch that’s dripping with butter.) except for moving his arms, he points OUT to the AUDIENCE.) Or you MARCH HARE: It was the best butter! 20 could also go that way. (Points LEFT.) 20 MAD HATTER: But it didn’t provide the fix, and it hasn’t helped us find DOROTHY: Now, who said that? Did that horrid cat come back again? Time, now, has it? (Looks around.) MARCH HARE: No. SCARECROW: But if I were you, I most certainly wouldn’t go that way! MAD HATTER: We must find Time so we can set things straight, but (Points RIGHT.) how are we ever to find Time when it’s always tea time? It’s always 25 DOROTHY: (Turns and sees him. Thrilled.) Oh, Scarecrow! It’s you! It’s 25 six o’clock! (Indicates SCARECROW.) I don’t suppose this fellow’s you! seen him. SCARECROW: (UNFREEZES.) Dorothy! I’m so glad I’ve found you! SCARECROW: No. I’m afraid I haven’t. But perhaps you could help (Sees the OTHERS.) And Lion! And Toto! And…? me. Have you seen a girl? ALICE: (Cautious.) I am… MARCH HARE: Never once. 30 DOROTHY: It’s okay. He’s a friend of mine. You can trust him. 30 SCARECROW: Now, that’s completely improbable. Statistically ALICE: (Curtseys.) I am Alice. speaking, even at your age, the odds are that you have at least seen one girl in your lifetime. Probably several. SCARECROW: Pleasure to meet you, Alice. MARCH HARE: No. Not a one. DOROTHY: But we mustn’t mention her real name to just anyone, Scarecrow. (Points to the wanted poster.) See. The Queen is looking SCARECROW: (To MAD HATTER.) But I’m looking for a young girl. My 35 for her. 35 friend. Her name is Dorothy. Have you seen her? SCARECROW: Who is this queen? Is she as terrible as I hear? MAD HATTER: (Excited.) What an excellent riddle! I have one, too! Why is a raven like a writing desk? DOROTHY: Oh, Scarecrow, she is! Just terrible! SCARECROW: That’s easy. Poe wrote on both. LION: You must come with us. The wizard has sent us off to find the Queen. Dorothy must beat her at croquet, and then he’ll help her MAD HATTER: Wrong. Wrong. Wrong. That’s three wrongs, which is 40 get back to Kansas. 40 wronger than two rights. Here, I have another. ALICE: And he’ll help me get home to England!

22 47 1 SCARECROW: Why, that’s great! 1 following her. I wish to find her and tell her how the silver slippers DOROTHY: But we just met a strange little cat who told me the way can help her get home. to the Queen’s castle is that way. (Points OFF RIGHT.) But you just ALICE: Well, can’t you help me somehow? Perhaps you have an extra said not to go that way, didn’t you? pair? 5 SCARECROW: Oh, no! You don’t want to do that! 5 GLINDA: As I said before, I cannot help. However, there may be DOROTHY: Why? (MAD HATTER and MARCH HARE ENTER RIGHT. someone here who can help you. He has a magical flying machine DORMOUSE follows them ON sleepily and leans against the tree to that can take him anywhere, and I do believe he may be lost in this rest.) Wonderland himself. SCARECROW: That’s why. ALICE: And just who might that be? 10 MAD HATTER: There she is! 10 GLINDA: Why, the wonderful Wizard of Oz, of course! MARCH HARE: She? She who? ALICE: How shall I find him? MAD HATTER: That she. She’s right over there. GLINDA: It’s simple. You just… follow the yellow brick road. MARCH HARE: (Excited.) A girl! A girl! (Crosses to DOROTHY, then looks ALICE: (Looks around.) What yellow brick road? at her, doubtful.) Are you sure you’re a girl? GLINDA: (Looks around, but sees that there is no yellow brick road.) 15 DOROTHY: Why, yes! 15 Hmmm… yes, that does seem to be a problem. Pity! Well, then… MARCH HARE: Well, I thought you’d look different. your guess is as good as mine. (Shrugs.) Farewell! (EXITS RIGHT.) MAD HATTER: (Crosses to DOROTHY and pushes MARCH HARE aside.) ALICE: No! Wait! I’ve so many more questions to ask you! (Watches Don’t mind him. He’s never seen a girl before. I’m the hatter. Don’t her go.) Hmph! How strange. (Looks herself over.) I wonder if I really believe them if they tell you I’m mad. (Removes his hat, bows and look like a witch to her? Oh, I hope not! When I do get home, I’ll be 20 certain never to gaze into a looking glass again! (Runs OFF LEFT. 20 kisses DOROTHY’S hand.) LIGHTS FADE to BLACK.) DOROTHY: I promise I won’t. End of Scene Five SCARECROW: (To DOROTHY.) Be careful making promises you can’t keep. ACT ONE MAD HATTER: (To ALICE.) And you are? Scene Six – A Mad Tea Party 25 ALICE: (Cautious again.) I am… Beatrice. LIGHTS UP: MAD HATTER and MARCH HARE are having their tea party, MAD HATTER: (Ecstatic.) Fantastic! seated at one end of a long table with many place settings for tea, a teapot and a pocket watch in a butter dish. DORMOUSE sleeps nearby. SCARECROW: But she told me her name— 25 MAD HATTER: (Recites.) ’Twas brillig, and the slithy toves DOROTHY: (To SCARECROW.) Shhh! Just go with it. Did gyre and gimble in the wabe. MAD HATTER: (Beams. To ALICE.) I just knew we’d find you, Beatrice! All mimsy were the borogoves, 30 (Bows. To DOROTHY.) And so that must mean you are Hermione. And the mome raths outgrabe. SCARECROW: No! This is Dorothy! We’ve found her! “Beware the Jabberwock, my son! MARCH HARE: (Disappointed.) What a pity! Our adventure is over. 30 The jaws that bite, the claws that catch! MAD HATTER: And we haven’t found the others. (Removes his hat Beware the Jubjub bird, and shun again and places it over his heart. Reverent.) Poor Hermione and The frumious Bandersnatch!” 35 Gertrude. MARCH HARE: (Claps.) Spoken well, Hatter. But I wonder… Why DOROTHY: Who are they? should the borogoves be so mimsy? If I were a borogove, I would SCARECROW: They’re nobody. Just some girls he was looking for. 35 be quite unmimsy! DOROTHY: What happened to them? MAD HATTER: Not if there were a Jabberwock close by. In that case, SCARECROW: Nothing. He just made them up in his head. I’d wager you’d be consumed with mimsy!

48 21 RIGHTS MUST BE PURCHASED BEFORE REPRODUCING THIS SCRIPT 1 GLINDA: (Sings.) Just let it all unfold. 1 MAD HATTER: Still, now we shall never find them. It seems they’ll be ALICE/GLINDA: (Sing.) Same story with a diff’rent name. lost forever. (Grieved.) How tragic! March Hare, say a few words, ALICE: (Sings.) I’m just a girl who no longer trusts her senses. will you? GLINDA: (Sings.) You’re just a girl out of her comfort zone. MARCH HARE: Pillow. Mustard. Jitterbug. 5 MAD HATTER: (Replaces his hat.) Thank you. 5 ALICE: (Sings.) Pushed right to the edge. GLINDA: (Sings.) So leap right off the ledge. DOROTHY: Well, you’ve found us, and at least that’s something. Flap your arms until you’ve flown. Perhaps you could help us get to the Queen’s rose garden. ALICE/GLINDA: (Sing.) Was this a stroke of fate, MARCH HARE: Oh, yippy! Another adventure! Our paths intersecting, MAD HATTER: I know the way. Just let me grab my other hat. (Crosses 10 10 Directing us someplace new? to the tree, where he takes out another hat to swap with the one Helping us navigate, he has on.) There we are. Now, follow me, everyone. And if we’re Help us keep connecting lucky, we’ll happen to find Hermione and Gertrude along the way! (MUSIC CUE 9a: “A Mad Adventure–Reprise.” DORMOUSE wakes Where we’re meant to go and sings drowsily.) And what we’re meant to do. 15 We’ll give this Wonderland a whirl. 15 ALL: (Sing.) We’ll have such fun! We’ll skip and run right to this mad adventure! ALICE: (Sings.) You’re just a witch. Hi hi ho! GLINDA: (Sings.) You’re just a girl. (Speaks.) I guess I can see that Off through Wonderland we go! now. But what type of girl are you? What a show! ALICE: (Speaks.) A human one. 20 We’ll trek and risk our neck on this adventure! 20 GLINDA: (Speaks.) Oh! You’re a meat person! How lovely! (MUSIC OUT) Mad about, we’ll gad about ALICE: A meat person? With braggadocio! Dosey doe! GLINDA: Why, yes! That’s what we call all the humans in Oz. Dorothy We’re dancing while we’re chancing an adventure! is a meat person, too! Hi hi hey! ALICE: Is that where I am then? Am I in the land of Oz? 25 An adventure holiday! Off we fly 25 GLINDA: Oh, no. This isn’t Oz. Oz is the land that I call home, and I am certain that this isn’t it. I’m not sure where this place is exactly, To search and seek and root about and spy. but it’s very lovely. Why, nothing’s more exciting or inviting, I must say. ALICE: I disagree. It’s been nothing but unpleasantness since I came We shall not get lost or led astray! here. Why, in only a matter of hours, I’ve been shrunk to the size of 30 We’re on our way! (MAD HATTER EXITS RIGHT. MARCH HARE and DORMOUSE follow him OFF, excited.) 30 a snail and grown to the size of a great tree! I’ve almost drowned in my own tears and ran a useless caucus race with a bunch of DOROTHY/SCARECROW/ALICE/LION: (Look at one another, shrug crazy birds! This is a miserable place, if I may say! and shout.) We’re on our way! (MUSIC OUT. EXIT RIGHT. TOTO barks GLINDA: Oh, but it’s lovely! and scurries OFF with them as the LIGHTS FADE to BLACK.) ALICE: Speak for yourself! But, say, if you’re a witch, I don’t suppose End of Scene Two 35 you could help me get home, could you? ACT TWO GLINDA: Well, no, I cannot. For you do not have the proper footwear. Scene Three – Croquet ALICE: (Looks at her shoes.) My shoes are lovely, thank you! 35 LIGHTS UP: The Queen’s rose garden. TIN MAN still stands there, GLINDA: No. I mean you’re not wearing the silver slippers. Dorothy FROZEN, right where they left him. MUSIC CUE 9b: “White Rabbit has them, only she doesn’t know how they work. That’s why I’m Entrance.” WHITE RABBIT runs ON RIGHT.

20 49 RIGHTS MUST BE PURCHASED BEFORE REPRODUCING THIS SCRIPT 1 WHITE RABBIT: (Sings.) It’s here! It’s time! 1 ALICE: (Curtsies.) And I’m Alice. A nervous Nellie I’m! GLINDA: Are you a good witch or a bad witch? Rhyme and riddle, ALICE: I’m no witch at all! Rum-tum-tiddle, GLINDA: Oh. Then, what are you? (MUSIC CUE 4: “I’m Just a Girl.”) 5 Bell’s about to chime! 5 ALICE: (Speaks.) That’s a curious question. It’s time! It’s here! GLINDA: (Speaks.) Well, you certainly don’t look like a winged monkey. The “it” just isn’t clear! The ifs and buts, ALICE: (Speaks.) I should hope not. The whens and whats GLINDA: (Speaks.) And you’re much too tall to be a Munchkin. 10 Have made me nuts, I fear! (Runs OFF LEFT. DOROTHY, TOTO, LION, ALICE: (Speaks.) Thank you. ALICE, SCARECROW, MARCH HARE and MAD HATTER ENTER RIGHT. 10 GLINDA: (Speaks.) So what are you then? MUSIC OUT.) ALICE: (Speaks.) Well… MAD HATTER: Here it is! The Queen’s rose garden. (Sings.) I’m just a girl who’s confused and quite befuddled. SCARECROW: And where’s the Queen? My brain is muddled with turmoil and shock. 15 MAD HATTER: How should I know? You said nothing of finding her. You Don’t know if I’m dreaming, asked to find her rose garden and you’ve found it. (TOTO runs over 15 Seemingly awake, to TIN MAN and barks.) Aching to turn back the clock. DOROTHY: Oh, dear! Look! It’s Tin Man! I’m just a girl, typical and ordinary, LION: Oh, no! He’s rusted up solid! On edge and wary of what’s to come next. Jabberwock is lurking, 20 MARCH HARE: How’s that possible? Tin doesn’t rust. 20 Smirking Cheshire cat. MAD HATTER: He’s right. You can look it up. Let’s just say, a girl perplexed. DOROTHY: (Looks around.) But where’s his oil can? He needs oil! And you say you’re a witch. MARCH HARE: He needs more than that! Witches are fictitious. MAD HATTER: Here. I have just what he needs. (Pulls a tiny teapot out Yet, here you are in the flesh. (ALICE touches her tentatively.) 25 from under his hat or from a pocket of his jacket.) A nice warm cup 25 I see a magic wand. of tea should perk him right up. I’m not superstitious. ALICE: How very odd! Why do you have a tea kettle in your hat? Could this be a spell? MAD HATTER: Funny you should ask that, Beatrice. I never took you It’s hard for me to tell. as one for riddles, but I’ll tell you the answer anyway. (Looks at his I can’t seem to make things mesh. 30 watch, then shows it to ALICE.) My watch is broken and it’s always 30 GLINDA: (Sings.) You’re just a girl with a wild imagination. six o’clock. It’s always tea time. Your trepidation can get in your way. MARCH HARE: We must have tea for tea time, even if we’re on an Trust in what you know adventure. (MAD HATTER holds the kettle out. MARCH HARE takes To get where you must go it and tries to give TIN MAN a sip.) So you won’t be led astray. 35 SCARECROW: No! Stop that! That’ll just rust him up more! 35 ALICE: (Sings.) This time I feel like MAD HATTER: We’ve told you already, but I guess it bears repeating. I’m in a different story. Tin doesn’t rust! (DOROTHY, ALICE and LION take the kettle from GLINDA: (Sings.) Some stories are quite the same. MARCH HARE and toss it to one another, playing keep away from ALICE: (Sings.) Feel like I don’t belong. MARCH HARE, who desperately tries to grab it. SCARECROW GLINDA: (Sings.) Find the allegory. 40 and MAD HATTER argue, ad-lib, about whether tin can rust. TOTO 40 ALICE: (Sings.) Will the truth be told?

50 19 1 Oh, boom! Oh, blast! 1 barks. MUSIC CUE 9c: “Fanfare and Processional.” EVERYONE My window’s closing fast! stops to look for the source of the sound. That’s when the Queen’s No time to waste. procession ENTERS LEFT, including QUEEN OF HEARTS, KING I must make haste OF HEARTS, WHITE RABBIT, CARDS and CHESS PIECES. Some of 5 Before it’s in the past! 5 them hold flamingo croquet mallets and balled up hedgehogs. [See PRODUCTION NOTES.]) Time’s expiring! I’m perspiring QUEEN OF HEARTS: (Stops the procession when she sees DOROTHY At this wicked pace! and her friends. MUSIC OUT.) Who are you? DOROTHY: (Steps forward.) I’m Dorothy Gale. Of Kansas. I’m belated 10 And outdated 10 ALICE: (Very cautious.) And I’m… In this hectic race! MAD HATTER: (Removes his hat and bows.) This is Beatrice, Your Oh, faugh! Oh, fie! Majesty. I’m just about to cry! QUEEN OF HEARTS: And why are you here? I hate this rate! DOROTHY: We’ve come to play croquet with you. 15 I’m always late! 15 QUEEN OF HEARTS: Well, I haven’t invited you. Off with their heads! So shameful, I could die! (Races OFF LEFT. ALICE hurries ON RIGHT. ALICE: Oh, my! MUSIC OUT.) DOROTHY: But you have invited us, Your Majesty. (Hands her the ALICE: (Speaks.) White Rabbit! White Rabbit! Oh! (Huffs.) It seems invitation. WHITE RABBIT takes it.) I’ll never catch up with him! If only there were someone here who WHITE RABBIT: (Opens the envelope and reads.) You are cordially 20 could help me! (Stomps.) 20 invited to join the Queen of Hearts in a game of croquet. Come GLINDA: (ENTERS LEFT.) Dorothy? Is that you? prepared to lose. (Folds up the invitation.) ALICE: Me? QUEEN OF HEARTS: Very well. I don’t remember inviting you, but it GLINDA: Oh, you look very different. seems I have. Tell me… do you play croquet? ALICE: I’m sorry? ALICE/DOROTHY: Yes, Your Majesty. 25 GLINDA: I’m looking for Dorothy. You’re her, aren’t you? 25 QUEEN OF HEARTS: And are you prepared to lose? ALICE: No. At least, I don’t think I am. DOROTHY: (Angry.) Well, of course— GLINDA: Oh, well, have you seen her? SCARECROW: (Interrupts.) They are prepared to face what comes to ALICE: Who? them. GLINDA: Dorothy. I’m hoping to find her so I can help her get back to QUEEN OF HEARTS: Very well. Give the girls their mallets. (A CARD 30 hands ALICE and DOROTHY a flamingo.) Let the games begin! 30 Kansas. (CARDS shuffle around the stage and bend over like croquet hoops. ALICE: Kansas? [NOTE: One or two hoops will do, but CHESS PIECES may do the GLINDA: Yes. It’s her home. same, if desired. Any remaining CARDS or CHESS PIECES should ALICE: Is that near London? scurry OFF at this time.] FIVE is in place to be the first and final GLINDA: No. It’s somewhere below the rainbow… way down low. 35 hoop. The players take their places around the course. QUEEN OF HEARTS goes first, of course, and, after careful preparation, whacks 35 ALICE: (Shrugs.) Never heard of it. her hedgehog ball through FIVE and OFF LEFT. She EXITS in pursuit GLINDA: You haven’t seen her, have you? of it. KING OF HEARTS and WHITE RABBIT follow her OFF, as do any ALICE: No. But I’ll tell her you’re looking for her if I do. What’s your EXTRA CARDS or CHESS PIECES.) name? 40 DOROTHY: (Looks at her flamingo.) Oh, dear! How are we to play with GLINDA: I’m Glinda, the good witch of the north. these?

18 51 1 FIVE: (Gets out of position. Rude.) Are you going to stand there and 1 TWEEDLE DUM: No. You did! (TWEEDLE DEE and TWEEDLE DUM rush complain all day or are you going to play? for each other, but stop CENTER and bounce around again, neither LION: Just do what the Queen did. That’s a start, at least. (DOROTHY one brave enough to take the first blow. LION steps in between gets in position, as does FIVE.) again.) 5 MARCH HARE: That’s rotten advice! 5 LION: All right, all right, all right! Enough of this nonsense! SCARECROW: It’s sound advice. TWEEDLE DUM: (To TWEEDLE DEE.) You haven’t seen the last of me, MAD HATTER: Not if she’s playing to win. Why, if she does what the pal! Queen does, it will merely be a tie. TWEEDLE DEE: Contrary-wise! It’s you that should watch your back, ALICE: What should we do to win? ’cause I’m always watching! 10 10 MARCH HARE: Play the game your own way! LION: Enough! (Separates them.) Now, have either of you seen Dorothy? DOROTHY: Well, I’ve never played croquet with flamingos and TWEEDLE DUM: Negatory! hedgehogs before! How do I even know how to play my own way? TWEEDLE DEE: Suppositive! MARCH HARE: Just play. LION: Well, which is it? SCARECROW: I believe actually they may be right this time. Just play TWEEDLE DEE/TWEEDLE DUM: (Point to one another.) What he said! 15 the game. (DOROTHY prepares to hit her hedgehog. She seems very 15 LION: Fine. We’ll have to have a battle to see who’s right. uneasy about it. She squares back, ready to swing.) TWEEDLE DEE: Ooh! A battle! DORMOUSE: (ENTERS RIGHT.) Here I am! (DOROTHY swings and TWEEDLE DUM: A battle! misses her hedgehog.) LION: (Referees.) All right, when I say break, I want a clean fight. In the LION: Quiet, you! You’ve disturbed her swing! event of a knockdown, the one still standing will be directed to a 20 DORMOUSE: I hope I haven’t kept you waiting. 20 neutral corner. And no blows below the belt. Any questions? MARCH HARE: Of course, we’re waiting! We’re always waiting! TWEEDLE DEE: (Remembers.) Yeah. Who’s Dorothy? MAD HATTER: That’s right. My watch isn’t fixed yet. LION: She’s my friend. I’m trying to help her get back to Kansas. (To MARCH HARE: I don’t suppose you found Time, while you kept us TWEEDLE DUM.) How about you? Any questions? waiting. TWEEDLE DUM: Yeah. Why are we fighting again? 25 DORMOUSE: Oh, yes! I found lots and lots of time. 25 LION: Because that’s what you wanted in the first place. MARCH HARE: Where? TWEEDLE DUM: Oh, yeah. A battle! (Takes fighting stance again. DORMOUSE: Right where I was sleeping. TWEEDLE DEE does as well.) MAD HATTER: You mean Time passed you by. I don’t suppose you LION: All right. Break! (TWEEDLE DEE and TWEEDLE DUM bounce met a Gertrude or Hermione where you slept either? around as LION watches. Neither takes a swing at the other. LION 30 DORMOUSE: No. 30 watches, but quickly becomes exasperated with them and EXITS LEFT as the LIGHTS FADE to BLACK.) MAD HATTER: See? You’re no use. Go back to sleep. End of Scene Four DORMOUSE: Fine by me. (Lies down. MAD HATTER and MARCH HARE look at the OTHERS.) ACT ONE MARCH HARE: Oh, don’t mind us. You can play through. Scene Five – The Good Witch 35 LION: Okay, Ali— um, I mean, Beatrice, now you have a try. (ALICE gets MUSIC CUE 3a: “White Rabbit-Entrance.” LIGHTS UP: WHITE RABBIT into position.) races ON RIGHT. SCARECROW: Now, um… Beatrice, it’s really quite easy. Just give that WHITE RABBIT: (Sings.) Oh, darn! Oh, dear! bird a mighty swing and send that furry little guy through the hoop. 35 Behind again, I fear! I’m so busy, in a tizzy, Dizzy ear to ear!

52 17 RIGHTS MUST BE PURCHASED BEFORE REPRODUCING THIS SCRIPT 1 TWEEDLE DEE/TWEEDLE DUM: (Speak in rhythm.) That’s the score! 1 ALICE: I’ll try my best. (Gears up and swings. She knocks her hedgehog LION: (Sings.) As my regal bellows roar! (Roars.) directly where it should go, but FIVE, the CARD hoop she’s aiming I ain’t a-scared o’ nuttin’! for, kicks the hedgehog off course just before it goes through.) Now, I’ll turn a ram t’ mutton. that isn’t fair! Did you see that? 5 A wildebeest or two, at least, 5 LION: I did. Don’t worry. I’ll handle this. (Crosses to FIVE.) Excuse me, I’ll take ’em in stride! but I believe you’ve broken the rules. Gorillas turn vanilla. FIVE: I did nothing wrong. She missed. Godzilla got so scared that he cried. SCARECROW: She had a direct hit! No creature wants to climb in the ring, FIVE: It was a direct miss by my calculation. (To MARCH HARE and 10 Not while I’m swingin’. 10 MAD HATTER.) You saw it. She missed. That’s why they call me the king! MAD HATTER: She did. When you hear me snarlin’, MARCH HARE: I concur. I saw the whole thing. The ball went right All had best beware. over there. My fisticuffs turn monsters SCARECROW: Oh, come now. As if they are the models of reason! 15 Into powder puffs, I swear. 15 CHESHIRE CAT ONE: (Peeps ON from behind a rose bush near They’ve all had enough DOROTHY.) Hello again. Before I’m even there. They surrender at my splendor, ALICE: Oh, my! Hello. White flags in the air CHESHIRE CAT ONE: I told you I’d see you here. How’s your game? 20 As I roar! ALICE: Not exactly what I’d imagined. TWEEDLE DEE/TWEEDLE DUM: (Speak in rhythm.) As he roars! 20 CHESHIRE CAT ONE: It never is. Anyway, I’m glad I found you. LION: (Sings.) As I pump my chest and roar! (Tries to roar, but it comes ALICE: Why’s that? out as a whimper.) I ain’t a-scared o’ nuttin’! CHESHIRE CAT ONE: I found something that you might find useful. TWEEDLE DEE/TWEEDLE DUM: (Sing.) He ain’t a-scared o’ nuttin’! (Holds up TIN MAN’S oil can.) 25 LION: (Sings.) No crocodile is smilin’ ALICE: Now, you are very odd. How can that possibly help me? What While I’m holdin’ his tail. 25 is it? TWEEDLE DEE/TWEEDLE DUM: (Sing.) No pack o’ wild hyenas DOROTHY: (Quickly runs over and grabs it.) That’s Tin Man’s oil can! Were laughin’ when they’ve seen him inhale… Oh, this is wonderful! (Turns to SCARECROW.) Scarecrow! Lion! LION: (Sings.) And start to bellow. Come quick! (SCARECROW and LION run to her. CHESHIRE CAT ONE hides among the roses again.) 30 Every fella starts turnin’ yella Before I take my first swing. 30 LION: What is it, Dorothy? TWEEDLE DEE/TWEEDLE DUM: (Sing.) DOROTHY: It’s Tin Man’s oil can! The Cheshire Cat here… (Turns to He starts the jungle air ringing. CHESHIRE CAT ONE, but he is gone.) LION/TWEEDLE DEE/TWEEDLE DUM: (Sing.) ALICE: Why, he was here just a second ago! 35 You’ll hear that regal roar sing. SCARECROW: It doesn’t matter. The good news is that we can unrust LION: (Sing.) There’s no denyin’ why they call me the king! 35 Tin Man now! (DOROTHY, SCARECROW and LION rush to TIN MAN and begin oiling him.) LION/TWEEDLE DEE/TWEEDLE DUM: (Sing.) Oh, yeah! (MUSIC OUT.) MARCH HARE: (Frustrated.) I’ve said it once, I’ve said it a thousand LION: Okay, now which one of you wants to fight me? times! Tin doesn’t— TWEEDLE DUM: He said he doesn’t want to fight you. MAD HATTER: Shhh! (Shakes his head.) You’ve got to concede, Hare. 40 TWEEDLE DEE: I didn’t say that. You did. 40 Some people simply never learn!

16 53 RIGHTS MUST BE PURCHASED BEFORE REPRODUCING THIS SCRIPT 1 TIN MAN: (Starts to loosen up.) Ah! Dorothy! Dorothy! How I’ve longed to 1 TWEEDLE DEE: Are so. see you since we parted! (MUSIC CUE 9d: “Recitation-Underscore.” TWEEDLE DUM: Am not. Sighs and recites.) When thus it was, we two parted TWEEDLE DEE: Are not. In dreadful silence and in tears, TWEEDLE DUM: Am so! 5 ‘Twas I alone, half-broken hearted To sever for so many years. (MUSIC OUT.) 5 TWEEDLE DEE: (Laughs and holds up TWEEDLE DUM’S hand, like the ALICE: (Sighs.) That’s very lovely. victor of a boxing match.) The wimpiest, by unanimous decision! Now who’s the smartest, eh? SCARECROW: What happened to you, Tin Man? TWEEDLE DUM: Not you! TIN MAN: The King of Hearts came and arrested me. It was all a 10 mistake, of course. I hadn’t done anything! But he left my oil can TWEEDLE DEE: Is me. behind and then brought me here, through a terrible rainstorm, 10 TWEEDLE DUM: Not! Not! Not! and I rusted up solid. And it was in the nick of time, too! The TWEEDLE DEE: Is! Is! Is! (They blow raspberries at one another and Queen was just about to have my head removed! continue to bounce around, ready to fight.) DOROTHY: Oh, my! LION: (ENTERS RIGHT.) Hey, now! What’s going on here? (Breaks up 15 TIN MAN: I know. I never thought I’d be so glad to rust, but this time the fight by lifting TWEEDLE DUM up and carrying him over to one it may have just saved my life! 15 side of the stage. TWEEDLE DEE follows, rushing toward them, but LION: That’s a relief. LION lifts TWEEDLE DEE up and carries him to the other side of TIN MAN: Well, it wasn’t all bad. I had lots of time to think about the stage. TWEEDLE DEE and TWEEDLE DUM continue to bounce everything I love in the world. That reminds me! Listen to this! around on opposite sides of the stage, like boxers ready to enter the 20 (MUSIC CUE 9e: “Recitation-Underscore.” Recites.) ring.) What’s all the fighting for? My heart leaps up when I behold 20 TWEEDLE DUM: (Points to TWEEDLE DEE.) He spoiled my nice new A rainbow in the sky. rattle! So was it when my life began. LION: You did? So is it now I am a man. TWEEDLE DEE: I did! 25 So be it when I shall grow old TWEEDLE DUM: He did! So we’ve agreed to have a battle. (MUSIC Or let me rust again and die! (MUSIC OUT.) 25 CUE 3: “I Ain’t a-Scared o’ Nuttin’!”.) MARCH HARE: (Tears up.) Oh! It’s so beautiful! LION: (Speaks.) Very well. (Puts up his fists.) Who’s first? MAD HATTER: (Tries to be strong.) A lovely sentiment, really. And you recite it so very well. (Crumbles into tears on MARCH HARE’S TWEEDLE DEE: (Speaks.) Not with you. 30 shoulder.) TWEEDLE DUM: (Speaks.) With each other! SCARECROW: Well, we’re glad you’re back with us, Tin Man, but we LION: (Speaks.) I can settle this. The one of you that beats me wins mustn’t waste another moment. Dorothy and her friend… (Looks 30 the battle. (Puts up his fists.) Come on! Which one of you thinks around and sees FIVE staring him down.) …Beatrice must defeat they can handle me? I ain’t afraid. Why, I’m the king of the jungle, the Queen of Hearts at croquet before the wizard will help them and this jungle king ain’t a-scared o’ nuttin’. 35 get home, but it’s proving nearly impossible! (Sings.) When you see me comin’, TIN MAN: Even though I was rusted, I saw it all, and I must say it does Better clear the way! look very difficult. 35 Ready for a rough ’n’ tumble LION: Go on, Beatrice. You have to give it another try! Rumble any day. ALICE: Very well. But my hedgehog ended up all the way over there! When I growl, the toughest 40 I fear I’ll never win this dreadful game! (Marches toward the place Crumble up like clay. where her hedgehog ended up. Before she can exit, KNIGHT ENTERS If you’re fixin’ up to mix it up RIGHT. ALICE sees him and screams.) Lion! (Runs to LION.) 40 With me, you’re gonna pay. (Speaks in rhythm.) That’s the score!

54 15 ACT ONE 1 KNIGHT: (Sees ALICE and shouts.) That’s her! That’s her! (To ALICE.) Scene Four – The Battle Stop right there! 1 LIGHTS UP: TWEEDLE DEE and TWEEDLE DUM bounce around with LION: (Shields ALICE.) She didn’t do anything! fists up, about to have their battle. SCARECROW: What’s going on here? TWEEDLE DEE: Come on! Put ’em up! Put ’em up! 5 LION: They think she stole the Queen’s tarts, but I saw the whole thing. TWEEDLE DUM: Easy there, pal. You’re likely to put out an eye! It was the Knave of Hearts! (MUSIC CUE 9f: “Fanfare.” QUEEN OF 5 TWEEDLE DEE: I’d like to put out your eye! HEARTS, KING OF HEARTS, WHITE RABBIT and EXTRA CARDS and TWEEDLE DUM: Oh, yeah? CHESS PIECES ENTER LEFT. MUSIC OUT.) TWEEDLE DEE: Yeah! KING OF HEARTS: What’s going on over here? There’s too much 10 shouting! Why have you disrupted our game? TWEEDLE DUM: Oh, yeah? KNIGHT: (Kneels.) My King. I do not wish to get in the way of your TWEEDLE DEE: Yeah! pleasantries. However, it seems that we have found the fugitive. 10 TWEEDLE DUM: Well, I’d like to see you try! KING OF HEARTS: Which one? TWEEDLE DEE: Try? Try? I’ll do more than try! I’ll do it! As a wise man KNIGHT: Alice. (Points to her.) once said, “Do or do not. There is no try.” 15 KING OF HEARTS: Nonsense! That girl’s name is Beatrice. TWEEDLE DUM: Oh, so you’re a wise guy now, eh? KNIGHT: But I saw her with my own eyes. She was at the scene of TWEEDLE DEE: Yeah! the crime. 15 TWEEDLE DUM: Oh, yeah? KING OF HEARTS: Seize her! (CARDS and CHESS PIECES rush ALICE TWEEDLE DEE: Yeah! (They continue to bounce around ready to fight.) and LION. Seeing no way out, they easily give in.) What shall we do Give me your best shot. 20 with her, my Queen? TWEEDLE DUM: You go first. That way you’ll at least have a fighting QUEEN OF HEARTS: (Crosses to ALICE and looks her over closely.) Off chance. with her head! 20 TWEEDLE DEE: I already have the advantage. DOROTHY: Oh, my! TWEEDLE DUM: Oh, yeah? Prove it. SEVEN: Don’t forget the other suspect, Your Majesty. TWEEDLE DEE: I’m the oldest. 25 QUEEN OF HEARTS: What other suspect? TWEEDLE DUM: Yeah? Well, I’m the fastest. (Runs around.) SEVEN: The Knave of Hearts. You had us seal him in the dungeon, TWEEDLE DEE: But I’m the smartest. remember? 25 TWEEDLE DUM: Are not! QUEEN OF HEARTS: Oh, yes! (Excited.) Ooh! How exciting! You know TWEEDLE DEE: Am so! what this means, don’t you? TWEEDLE DUM: Are not! 30 KING OF HEARTS: Yes. We must have a trial. TWEEDLE DEE: Am so! QUEEN OF HEARTS: Indeed! Come! We must hold court at once! TWEEDLE DUM: Are so! Someone’s head will roll for this, and I shan’t be kept waiting! (MUSIC CUE 9g: “Processional-Scene Change.” QUEEN OF HEARTS 30 TWEEDLE DEE: Am not! marches OFF LEFT. OTHERS follow behind as the LIGHTS FADE to TWEEDLE DUM: (Laughs.) See? Ha! You’re not the smartest! 35 BLACK. MUSIC OUT.) TWEEDLE DEE: Yeah, well I’m still better. I’m the toughest! (Shows End of Scene Three off his muscles.) TWEEDLE DUM: That’s nothing. I’m the bounciest! (Hops around.) 35 TWEEDLE DEE: And you’re the wimpiest. TWEEDLE DUM: Am not.

14 55 ACT TWO 1 PAWN: (Shocked.) Oooh! (NOTE: This could also be delivered as Scene Four – The Trial “Ewww!” with a grossed out expression, whichever works best for 1 LIGHTS UP: The Queen’s courtroom. Typical courtroom setup with a you.) You’re walking on eggshells there, man. table and chair for the judge, a witness chair next to this, a table with ROOK: Yeah. I’d be careful correcting the King, if I were you. typewriter and chair, prosecution and defense tables and chairs, and 5 PAWN: No. (Points to the floor.)I mean, he’s really walking on chairs for the gallery. There is a glass of water on the defense table. eggshells. (To TIN MAN.) Step back, you’re disturbing the crime 5 QUEEN OF HEARTS sits in the judge’s box. SEVEN sits at the scene. (Pushes TIN MAN aside.) typewriter as the courtroom stenographer. FIVE acts as the Bailiff. TIN MAN: But there was no crime. KNAVE OF HEARTS sits in the witness box. WHITE RABBIT heads up KING OF HEARTS: We’ll see what the Queen thinks about that. Men, the prosecution along with KING OF HEARTS and CARDS or CHESS 10 arrest him. (CHESS PIECES grab TIN MAN and start to pull him PIECES. SCARECROW heads up the defense, where ALICE sits as both LEFT.) 10 suspect and witness. DOROTHY, TIN MAN and SCARECROW also sit at the defense table. DORMOUSE sleeps nearby. There is no jury, but TIN MAN: But I’m telling you, and I cross my heart, I didn’t do anything MAD HATTER and MARCH HARE sit in the gallery along with the rest of wrong. the CAST, except for GLINDA. KNAVE OF HEARTS is at the end of his KING OF HEARTS: Cross your heart? Oh, you’ve done it now! How testimony. 15 dare you cross the Queen! 15 WHITE RABBIT: And what was in your bag when Lion gave it to the TIN MAN: Oh, but I never meant it that way. footman? KING OF HEARTS: Arrest him! Now! No one crosses the Queen and KNAVE OF HEARTS: (Innocent.) Why, nothing but my collection of keeps their head! charts. (GALLERY gasps.) TIN MAN: No, no, that’s not what I— QUEEN OF HEARTS: (Pounds her gavel.) Silence! 20 ROOK: Quiet! We have to read you your last rights. 20 WHITE RABBIT: Could you repeat that? For the record? PAWN: You are under arrest. You have the right to become headless. KNAVE OF HEARTS: The bag was full of charts. (WHITE RABBIT nods Anything you say or do will be used against you. You have the right to SEVEN, who types furiously.) to have a gurney present during executioning. If you cannot afford WHITE RABBIT: There you have it! The Knave of Hearts didn’t steal a gurney, a shallow grave will be appointed for you. the tarts, Your Majesty. The Knave of Hearts merely collected 25 KING OF HEARTS: Very well, then. Take him away. 25 charts! (Bows.) The prosecution rests. TIN MAN: What kinds of rights are those? QUEEN OF HEARTS: (To KNAVE OF HEARTS.) You may step down. ROOK: Like we said. Your last rights. (CHESS PIECES laugh.) (KNAVE OF HEARTS stands and crosses to the prosecution table.) KING OF HEARTS: After all, the Queen is sure to have your head. Away Defense, you’re up! with him! SCARECROW: Your Majesty, I would like to first ask that all references 30 TIN MAN: Wait! No! I didn’t do anything! (CHESS PIECES pull him OFF 30 to my client as the defense be stricken from the record. It’s very LEFT.) clear that the Knave of Hearts is the one on trial here. KING OF HEARTS: (Peeks over the wall to look at HUMPTY DUMPTY WHITE RABBIT: Objection! and reacts to the sight.) Ewww! (Notices the oil can on the wall. QUEEN OF HEARTS: (To WHITE RABBIT.) Denied! (To SCARECROW.) Picks it up and looks at it curiously.) Hmmm… I heard a story about And denied! Let the record show that both parties are guilty until 35 this once. Genie, come out! (Rubs the oil can and looks around 35 proven innocent. (SEVEN nods.) excitedly as if a genie will appear. When nothing happens, KING OF WHITE RABBIT: But, Your Majesty— HEARTS is disappointed. He rubs it again.) Open sesame! (Nothing. QUEEN OF HEARTS: (Pounds her gavel.) Denied! (WHITE RABBIT Disappointed, he shrugs and tosses the oil can aside and EXITS returns to his table.) LEFT as the LIGHTS FADE to BLACK.) End of Scene Three SCARECROW: Secondly, Your Honor, Your Majesty, I would also like to 40 ask that the Knave’s entire testimony be stricken from the record.

56 13 RIGHTS MUST BE PURCHASED BEFORE REPRODUCING THIS SCRIPT 1 HUMPTY DUMPTY: (Smiles and reaches out to shake hands.) Oh, well, 1 QUEEN OF HEARTS: Denied! in that case, it’s nice to meet you. I’m Humpty Duuuu… (Falls off MARCH HARE: (To MAD HATTER.) Ooh! This is getting good! the wall on the UPSTAGE side.) SCARECROW: Very well. Then, I would like to call my client to the TIN MAN: (Looks down to where Humpty Dumpty fell behind the wall.) stand. (ALICE stands and crosses to the witness stand.) 5 Oh, dear! How awful! He’s broken into a thousand little pieces! 5 FIVE: (Holds up his hand. ALICE does the same.) Do you swear to tell (Calls out.) Help! Someone! Anyone, please! (KING OF HEARTS the Queen she’s pretty and do nothing but flatter and obey her at ENTERS LEFT followed by PAWN and ROOK.) all times, so help your head? KING OF HEARTS: Are you the one who called for help? ALICE: I do. (Sits. FIVE steps aside.) TIN MAN: Yes. It was me. SCARECROW: Where were you on the day the tarts were stolen? 10 KING OF HEARTS: Me? No! Of course, it wasn’t me, you fool. I didn’t 10 QUEEN OF HEARTS: (Pounds her gavel.) Objection! cry for help. You must mean to say that it was you. SCARECROW: On what grounds? TIN MAN: Yes. That is exactly what I meant to say. QUEEN OF HEARTS: I don’t like how you asked the question. KING OF HEARTS: Very well. It was I who heard your cries for help. SCARECROW: Pardon me, Your Honor, Your Majesty. (To ALICE.) Were TIN MAN: And I’m so glad you did! you there on the day the tarts were stolen? (Looks up at QUEEN OF 15 KING OF HEARTS: No. You didn’t. I did! I just said that. Didn’t you 15 HEARTS, who nods her approval.) hear me? ALICE: Yes. TIN MAN: (Confused, chooses his words carefully this time.) Yes… you QUEEN OF HEARTS: Off with her head! (GALLERY gasps.) did hear me. SCARECROW: Objection! (GALLERY gasps.) KING OF HEARTS: Excellent! It’s a good thing that you heard me and QUEEN OF HEARTS: Denied! 20 that I heard you. Well then, after I heard you, I gathered all my men and now we have arrived. What’s the trouble? 20 SCARECROW: That is not an admission of guilt, Your Majesty. After all, if she was there, she may have information about the true TIN MAN: He’s fallen! stealer of the tarts. KING OF HEARTS: Who’s fallen? QUEEN OF HEARTS: Very well. Proceed. TIN MAN: I didn’t fully get his name. Humpty something. SCARECROW: (To ALICE.) And what did you see when you first arrived? 25 ROOK: (Crosses behind the wall.) Back here, sire. We’ve got a man 25 ALICE: I saw the tarts sitting on a table. down. QUEEN OF HEARTS: Off with her head! (GALLERY gasps.) TIN MAN: An egg, that is. SCARECROW: Objection! (GALLERY gasps.) Your Honor, may I approach PAWN: Looks like fowl play. the bench? ROOK: Yeah. Looks like he was pushed over. QUEEN OF HEARTS: Granted. 30 PAWN: A pretty easy thing to do. 30 SCARECROW: Your Honor, it’s much too hasty to sentence anyone. If KING OF HEARTS: So he was pushed over easy, then? you just wait a moment, you’ll see that the Knave is the one who’s ROOK: That’s what I’d say. guilty and then you can sentence him. And… you’re very pretty. KING OF HEARTS: But was it planned? QUEEN OF HEARTS: Very well. Continue. PAWN: I’d definitely say a plot was hatched. TIN MAN: Oh, dear! This isn’t going well! I fear the poor girl is doomed! 35 TIN MAN: Oh, no. It’s not what it looks like. It was an accident. 35 LION: Don’t be scared, Tin Man. I saw the whole thing and Alice is KING OF HEARTS: Hmmm… you seem to know quite a bit about what completely innocent. Don’t worry. Scarecrow will work it all out. happened here, iron man. TIN MAN: I certainly hope so. TIN MAN: Tin. I’m a tin man. SCARECROW: (To ALICE.) And what happened next? ALICE: That’s when the Knave came in and stole the tarts!

12 57 RIGHTS MUST BE PURCHASED BEFORE REPRODUCING THIS SCRIPT 1 SCARECROW: For the record, can you identify the Knave? Is he sitting 1 get back to Kansas, I should want to be the proper size. But what in this courtroom? do you suppose he means, Toto? One side of what? ALICE: Yes! He’s right over there! (GALLERY gasps.) CATERPILLAR: (Steps back ON RIGHT.) Of the mushroom. (Blows a WHITE RABBIT: Objection! bubble and is OFF again. FLOWERS giggle as DOROTHY inspects the 5 mushroom and the LIGHTS FADE to BLACK.) 5 QUEEN OF HEARTS: Overruled! WHITE RABBIT: But, Your Majesty! She just implicated my client. End of Scene Two QUEEN OF HEARTS: Silence or I’ll hold you in contempt! (GALLERY ACT ONE gasps.) Scene Three – The Tin Man’s Arrest MAD HATTER: (To MARCH HARE.) But she already holds everyone in LIGHTS UP: HUMPTY DUMPTY sits on a short wall, looking around, 10 contempt. twiddling his fingers and seeming quite bored. LION: (Stands and points out KNAVE OF HEARTS.) I saw him, too! He TIN MAN: (ENTERS RIGHT, crosses to the UPSTAGE side of the wall, did it, Your Honor! and places his oil can on top of the wall.) Excuse me, sir. Have you QUEEN OF HEARTS: (Pounds her gavel.) Order! Sit down or I’ll have 10 seen Dorothy? (HUMPTY DUMPTY looks the other way. TIN MAN your head, too! crosses to his other side to face him again.) I said, have you seen 15 LION: You’re just full of hot air! I’m not afraid of you! (GALLERY gasps.) Dorothy? (HUMPTY DUMPTY looks the other way.) Why! What a curious creature! I say, he looks just like an egg! QUEEN OF HEARTS: So be it. (Pounds her gavel.) Off with his head! (CHESS PIECES go for him.) HUMPTY DUMPTY: (Turns again.) Now, just who do you think you are, 15 calling me an egg? LION: (Puts up his fists.) Come on, then. Who’s first? I’m not afraid! (CHESS PIECES, now scared, keep their distance.) TIN MAN: I’m sorry. I didn’t say you were an egg. I said you looked like an egg. You are one, aren’t you? After all, you are awfully oblong. 20 QUEEN OF HEARTS: (Pounds her gavel.) Off with his head! Off with his head! Get him! HUMPTY DUMPTY: (Offended.) How insulting! DOROTHY: No! Stop it! He didn’t do anything! TIN MAN: Oh, I didn’t mean it that way. You mustn’t get all boiled up 20 about it! QUEEN OF HEARTS: (Continues to shout.) Off with his head! HUMPTY DUMPTY: Boiled? Now, you really are trying to pick a fight. DOROTHY: Stop it! He doesn’t deserve this! TIN MAN: No! No! I don’t wish to fight you. 25 QUEEN OF HEARTS: Off with his head! And when you’re done with him, remove hers next! (Points to DOROTHY.) HUMPTY DUMPTY: Sounds like it to me. DOROTHY: No! No! No! Why, you’re no queen! (MUSIC CUE 10: “Wicked TIN MAN: But it’s true. I have a new heart. I’m a lover, not a fighter. Ol’ Witch.” [DOROTHY, ALICE, SCARECROW, TIN MAN and LION are 25 Here. Listen to this. (Recites.) “It is not enough to say we must not GROUP ONE; QUEEN OF HEARTS, KING OF HEARTS, WHITE RABBIT, wage war. It is necessary to love peace and sacrifice for it.” 30 KNAVE OF HEARTS, FIVE and SEVEN are GROUP TWO.] Speaks.) HUMPTY DUMPTY: (Laughs.) Now you’re really cracking me up! You’re nothing but a wicked ol’ witch! TIN MAN: (Changes the subject.) Please, sir, by any chance, have you (Sings.) How dare you threaten us! met a girl by the name of Dorothy? You’re nothing but a fancy piece of cardboard! 30 HUMPTY DUMPTY: I don’t know. What’s your name? All you can muster is your bluster, and we’ve had enough! TIN MAN: (Frustrated.) Well, I’m not a girl, now am I? 35 SCARECROW/TIN MAN/LION: (Sing.) Try your darndest to berate us. HUMPTY DUMPTY: How should I know that? I’m just an egg. You will not intimidate us! TIN MAN: I thought you said— GROUP ONE: (Sing.) There’s nothing to you. HUMPTY DUMPTY: I may call myself an egg if I wish, but you may not. We see through you. 35 TIN MAN: Very well. I’m a tin man. A tin woodsman, that is. You can Time to call your bluff! call me Tin Man.

58 11 1 DOROTHY: Yes. Why wouldn’t I be? 1 DOROTHY: (Sings.) You’re nothing but a wicked ol’ witch, CATERPILLAR: I’ll ask the questions. Not you. And we have seen our share! DOROTHY: Now, that hardly seems fair. Your game of treachery will leave you playing solitaire. CATERPILLAR: Why? GROUP ONE: (Sing.) Yes, you’re nothing but a wicked ol’ witch! 5 Time someone took you down! 5 DOROTHY: For starters, I don’t even know who you are. I should at least know your name, since I gave you mine. Without your crown, no one will care! CATERPILLAR: (Blows bubbles.) Why? QUEEN OF HEARTS: (Sings.) DOROTHY: Because that’s how a proper meeting goes. I’m shown undying love and loyalty from all in my dominion. I barely clap, and they all snap to meet my every whim. CATERPILLAR: (Blows bubbles.) Why? 10 Their kneeling and their bowing 10 DOROTHY: Because it’s polite. Warms my heart as they’re kowtowing. CATERPILLAR: How so? And if they don’t, I’ll have them torn limb from limb. DOROTHY: (Frustrated.) Well, this is clearly useless! Come, Toto! Off with her head! CATERPILLAR: Where are you going? Off with her head! DOROTHY: To Kansas. 15 We won’t be happy ‘til she’s dead, dead, dead! 15 CATERPILLAR: Where is Kansas? Off with her head! DOROTHY: I don’t know, if you must know. But if you know, it would be She stole the tarts! kind of you to tell me. Her head’s been doomed right from the start! (WINKIES [SOLDIERS CATERPILLAR: (Thinks about it briefly.) No. (FLOWERS giggle. of the WICKED WITCH OF THE WEST from the land of OZ] suddenly CATERPILLAR blows bubbles.) 20 appear, MARCHING IN. The QUEEN OF HEARTS and GROUP TWO are 20 DOROTHY: No as in you don’t know, or no as in you won’t tell me. startled, confused by the entrance of the SOLDIERS.) CATERPILLAR: Yes. WINKIES: (Sing.) Yo-o-ee-o, yo-ee-o! DOROTHY: (Frustrated.) Well, I’ve had enough of this. You’re very rude, Yo-o-ee-o, yo-ee-o! (The following two stanzas are sung as a duet.) and you ask too many questions. Come on, Toto. (Starts to go.) GROUP ONE: (Sing.) You have picked a worthy foe. CATERPILLAR: Come back! I’ve something important to say. (DOROTHY 25 We’re brave and ready to do battle. 25 stops and returns to CATERPILLAR, who first blows a very slow and You’ll never rattle us with all your prattle, threats and cries! serious bubble. Then, recites.) WINKIES: (Sing.) Yo-o-ee-o, yo-o-ee-o! A tutor who tooted a flute Yo-o-ee-o, yo-ee-o! (The following two stanzas are sung as a duet.) Tried to tutor two tooters to toot. GROUP TWO: (Sing.) You haven’t got a prayer. Said the two to their tutor, 30 You’re staring at your final hour. 30 “Is it harder to toot or Who’ll volunteer to be the first one who dies? To tutor two tooters to toot?” WINKIES: (Sing.) Yo-o-ee-o, yo-o-ee-o! DOROTHY: Is that all? Yo-o-ee-o, yo-ee-o! (The following three stanzas are sung as a trio.) CATERPILLAR: No. (Blows bubbles. DOROTHY watches, confused and GROUP ONE: (Sing.) You’re nothing but a wicked ol’ witch! curious. Without another word, CATERPILLAR turns to go.) 35 A Queen without a heart 35 DOROTHY: Oh, this is simply absurd! The truth will tear your world apart. CATERPILLAR: (As he goes.) One side will make you grow. The other Yes, you’re nothing but a wicked ol’ witch, will make you shrink. (EXITS RIGHT.) Dealing a crooked deck! DOROTHY: One side will make me grow? Hmmm… I do seem to be You’ve just stuck out your neck! very small. Why, I’m only as high as a caterpillar. If we’re ever to 40 GROUP TWO: (Sing.) Off with their heads! Off with their heads!

10 59 1 We won’t be happy ’til they’re dead, dead, dead! 1 TIGER LILY’S feet.) Munchkins! Where are you? Come out, come Off with their heads! out, wherever you are! (Puts her hands on her hips.) Hmph! Well, Off with their heads! they must not remember me. I guess it has been such a long time You’ve just stuck out your neck! since we left the Munchkin city. (Crosses to TOTO and FLOWERS.) 5 WINKIES: (Sing.) Yo-o-ee-o, yo-o-ee-o! 5 My! Look at how the flowers grow here! They’re so big! And still Yo-o-ee-o, yo-o! ever so lovely, aren’t they, Toto? (Smells ROSE.) Yo-o-ee-o, yo-o-ee-o! ROSE: (UNFREEZES.) Hey, now! Back off, why don’t ya? Yo-o! (MUNCHKINS ENTER.) DOROTHY: (Jumps back.) Oh, my! You can talk? MUNCHKINS: (Sing.) We just arrived from Munchkin Land, TULIP: Of course we can talk! 10 From Munchkin Land, from Munchkin Land! 10 TIGER LILY: When there’s anyone worth talking to. We just arrived from Munchkin Land! ROSE: And there hardly ever is! And we don’t know where the heck we are! TULIP: Oh, now, Rose, don’t be such a thorn! She’s just a little girl. QUEEN OF HEARTS: (Speaks. Angry and confused.) Where did all DOROTHY: But you’re so large! these people come from? (The following section is sung as a TRIO.) ROSE: Who are you calling large? 15 GROUP ONE: (Sing.) You’re nothing but a wicked ol’ witch! 15 TIGER LILY: Yeah. You’re the one that’s tiny! A queen without a heart. DOROTHY: Oh. I guess I hadn’t thought of it that way. Your evil can’t survive, the truth will tear your world apart. Yes, you’re nothing but a wicked ol’ witch! TIGER LILY: Maybe you shouldn’t always be thinking of yourself. The world will vilify! TULIP: You should try putting yourself in someone else’s roots for a change. 20 GROUP TWO: (Sing.) Off with your heads! 20 DOROTHY: That’s very wise, thank you. But am I really only as high MUNCHKINS: (Sing.) They’ll swim in red! as a flower? GROUP TWO: (Sing.) Off with your heads! TIGER LILY: (Offended.) Only as high as a flower! MUNCHKINS: (Sing.) The truth said. ROSE: You better watch it, short stuff! GROUP TWO/MUNCHKINS: (Sing.) We won’t be happy TULIP: If you don’t have anything nice to say, then you shouldn’t say 25 ’Til you’re dead, dead, dead! 25 anything at all! GROUP TWO: (Sing.) Off with your heads! DOROTHY: Yes. My Aunt Em tells me that all the time. Oh, but I didn’t MUNCHKINS: (Sing.) The people cry! mean to be unkind. I’m so sorry I disturbed you. GROUP TWO: (Sing.) Off with your heads! TULIP: Don’t worry about it. MUNCHKINS: (Sing.) Say goodbye! ROSE: Just keep your nose to yourself and you’ll be fine! 30 WINKIES: (Sing.) Yo-o-ee-o, yo-o-ee-o! 30 TIGER LILY: (To TOTO.) And that goes for you, too, you little mutt! Yo-o-ee-o, yo-o! (Shoos him away.) Shhshhshhshhshhh! Yo-o-ee-o, yo-o-ee-o! Yo-o! (End of TRIO.) DOROTHY: (Offended.) Now, that isn’t very nice at all! He didn’t mean GROUP ONE/GROUP TWO: (Sing.) Your case is built upon a lie! anything by it, and neither did I! Come on, Toto. We must find a ALL: (Sing.) Your turn to die! (MUSIC OUT. DOROTHY grabs a glass of way out of this place and back to Kansas. (Turns RIGHT to go. 35 water from the defense table and throws it on QUEEN OF HEARTS. 35 CATERPILLAR stands up tall on the mushroom. DOROTHY stops, GALLERY gasps.) startled.) QUEEN OF HEARTS: (Carefully fixes her hair and composes herself. CATERPILLAR: Who are you? Then, rages.) Off with her head! Off with it at once! Off I say! (Chaos DOROTHY: I’m Dorothy Gale. Of Kansas. breaks out in the courtroom. CARDS and CHESS PIECES attempt to CATERPILLAR: Are you sure about that? (FLOWERS giggle. CATERPILLAR 40 seize DOROTHY and LION. ALICE, SCARECROW and TIN MAN step in 40 blows bubbles.)

60 9 RIGHTS MUST BE PURCHASED BEFORE REPRODUCING THIS SCRIPT 1 the end of their fall just as the MUSIC ENDS. DOROTHY brushes 1 to help their friends. KING and QUEEN OF HEARTS are shouting out herself off.) Well now, that was awfully, terribly, downright— (MUSIC orders. MARCH HARE and MAD HATTER sip tea and clap, enjoying CUE 2b: “White Rabbit–Entrance.”) the show, as do the OTHERS in the gallery. KNAVE OF HEARTS tries WHITE RABBIT: (Races ON LEFT. Looks at his watch. Sings.) to sneak away, but TOTO chases after him, barking. MUSIC CUE 10a: 5 Oh, gosh! Oh, gee! 5 “Glinda’s Entrance-Underscore.” ALL pause and look around to see Someplace that I must be! where the music is coming from. It’s in this momentary silence that Hurry, scurry, GLINDA ENTERS. MUSIC UNDER the following dialogue.) How I worry someone waits on me! (TOTO barks.) GLINDA: Hello, everyone! DOROTHY: (Speaks to TOTO.) How strange! Why, that looks like the DOROTHY: It’s Glinda! The good witch of the north! Oh, how happy we 10 very same rabbit we saw before in— 10 are to see you! WHITE RABBIT: (Sings.) The queen! The shrew! GLINDA: And the same to you. I must skedaddle doo! TIN MAN: You just have to help us. She’ll blow her top! LION: The Queen is going to have our heads. My head she’ll chop! GLINDA: Is that so? 15 I mustn’t stop, so toodle-oo! (Races OFF LEFT as TOTO barks and 15 KING OF HEARTS: Yes! And she won’t be kept waiting. (MUSIC OUT.) chases him OFF. MUSIC OUT.) GLINDA: Well, I’m afraid you’ll be waiting for a very long time. After all, DOROTHY: No! Come back! Come back, White Rabbit, come back! you can’t bring any harm to Dorothy. Not as long as she’s wearing (Races OFF LEFT after TOTO and WHITE RABBIT, as the LIGHTS those slippers. (Points her wand at DOROTHY’S silver slippers.) FADE to BLACK.) QUEEN OF HEARTS: Then, off with her shoes! End of Scene One 20 GLINDA: (Laughs.) You won’t get far with that either. The girl’s shoes ACT ONE hold a strong enchantment. You can’t touch her. Scene Two – The Live Garden QUEEN OF HEARTS: Fine. Then, off with Alice’s head. 20 LIGHTS UP: CATERPILLAR sits on a mushroom STAGE RIGHT and GLINDA: (Points her wand at QUEEN OF HEARTS.) I wouldn’t do that if blows bubbles. FLOWERS stand LEFT, chatting with each other. (NOTE: I were you. As the FLOWERS are, well… flowers, they would be firmly rooted in 25 QUEEN OF HEARTS: What’s this? A threat against the Queen? Off with the ground and should not move around the stage. They may stand or the witch’s head! kneel in place.) MUSIC CUE 2c: “White Rabbit–Entrance.” GLINDA: I’d like to see you try. With a simple flick of my wand, I could 25 WHITE RABBIT: (Rushes ON LEFT. FLOWERS FREEZE. WHITE RABBIT turn you all into spades. looks at his watch. Sings.) Oh, rats! Oh, drats! QUEEN OF HEARTS: You wouldn’t. My belfry’s full of bats! Carumba! Ay Chihuahua! 30 GLINDA: Try me. Far too many this and thats! (FLOWERS UNFREEZE and turn to QUEEN OF HEARTS: (Very angry.) What is it you want? 30 watch as WHITE RABBIT races OFF RIGHT. MUSIC OUT.) GLINDA: Why, I only want to help. I believe I can help you all actually. DOROTHY: (Runs ON LEFT with TOTO. FLOWERS FREEZE again.) White KING OF HEARTS: How’s that? Rabbit! Come back! (TOTO races RIGHT barking at WHITE RABBIT. GLINDA: Well, you want to get rid of these girls, Alice and Dorothy, and DOROTHY crosses and looks OFF.) Oh, fiddlesticks! We’ve lost 35 their friends. And they only wish to get home. I can help you all. him! (FLOWERS UNFREEZE and giggle. DOROTHY turns.) What? QUEEN OF HEARTS: Very well, but you don’t make the rules here. I 35 Who’s there? (Without moving, FLOWERS giggle again. DOROTHY do. And, besides, they still must be sentenced. Therefore, I invoke cannot tell who is giggling.) I recognize that laughter. Is that you, rule forty-three. All persons from other lands must go back to their little Munchkins? You can come out. It’s me. Dorothy. Don’t land at once. And if I see any of these scoundrels in my gardens you remember? I saved you from the Wicked Witch of the East! 40 again, it’ll be… off with their heads! Court dismissed. (EXITS in a (FLOWERS giggle, again without moving. TOTO crosses and sniffs at

8 61 RIGHTS MUST BE PURCHASED BEFORE REPRODUCING THIS SCRIPT 1 huff. KING OF HEARTS, WHITE RABBIT, CHESS PIECES, CARDS and 1 TIN MAN: Now, I know what that is! the remainder of the GALLERY, except for MAD HATTER and MARCH SCARECROW: Of course! Anyone would know what that is! HARE, EXIT.) LION: That’s a part of the yellow brick road. ALICE: (Runs to GLINDA.) You mean you can really help me return SCARECROW: You are correct. 5 home? 5 DOROTHY: It looks like all of Oz is caught up in this tornado! (WIND GLINDA: Yes. HOWLS and the DANCERS dance wildly with their streamers. ALL ALICE: But you couldn’t before. move with the wind, until LION, SCARECROW and TIN MAN begin to DOROTHY: You mean, you two have already met? be swept away.) No! Oh, no! Lion! Tin Man! Come back! (TIN MAN GLINDA: Why, yes, when I first came to this Wonderland to help you. and LION are each grabbed by a DANCER and pulled OFF RIGHT. 10 Another DANCER grabs SCARECROW and begins to pull him OFF 10 ALICE: I’m sorry. I forgot to tell you she was looking for you, Dorothy. So much has been happening. (To GLINDA.) How can you help me LEFT.) get home now? SCARECROW: (As he is being swept away.) Dorothy! GLINDA: Now that I know how magic works in this land, I can have DOROTHY: Scarecrow! Come back! you home in a matter of moments. All you have to do is drink the SCARECROW: It’s no use, Dorothy! I can’t fight this wind! 15 potion you’ve been carrying with you all this time. 15 DOROTHY: (Anguished.) No! ALICE: Oh, my! (Reaches into her pocket and pulls out a tiny bottle.) SCARECROW: Oh, Dorothy! Goodbye, Dorothy! Don’t worry. I shall find But I was afraid this would make me grow smaller again. you again… someday! (He is OFF.) GLINDA: No. Didn’t you read the label? DOROTHY: (Sees that he is gone.) Oh, Scarecrow, not you, too! ALICE: Why, yes! It only said, “Drink me.” (DOROTHY weeps. SOUND of wind recedes. Remaining DANCERS 20 GLINDA: Well then? 20 EXIT LEFT and RIGHT. LIGHTS return to NORMAL. DOROTHY and ALICE: Well, everything else I drank changed my size so I supposed TOTO stop spinning and appear to be in a free fall. [See PRODUCTION this would, too! (Looks at GLINDA.) But… I found this when I first NOTES.]) At least I still have you, Toto. (Looks around.) But look, arrived here! I could have been home ages ago! the storm has passed! We’re not flying anymore!(TOTO barks.) No. We’re certainly not flying, but we do seem to be… falling. GLINDA: (Laughs.) Sometimes it’s better to take the journey than to 25 Oh, my! I can’t even see the ground from here! We must have 25 simply skip to the end. flown up ever so high!(DANCER “floats” IN with a map and passes DOROTHY: But what about all the people of Wonderland? DOROTHY. [See PRODUCTION NOTES.] TOTO barks at it as it passes. GLINDA: What about them? Then, MORE DANCERS ENTER, floating by with books and a jar of DOROTHY: We haven’t beaten the Queen at croquet. The wizard said orange marmalade, passing DOROTHY, who looks at each of them she’ll enslave them all unless we beat her. (CARDS and CHESS 30 curiously. A DANCER with a book floats towards DOROTHY, she reads 30 PIECES ENTER, line up and kneel.) as it opens and passes before her.) “Do cats eat bats? Do bats eat KNIGHT: Alice, Dorothy and friends, allows us to show you all our cats?” (The DANCER with the book floats away and the DANCER deepest gratitude. with the jar of orange marmalade floats by her.) Hmmm… (Reads the label.) …orange marmalade. (To TOTO.) I say, we must be well ALICE: Why’s that? 35 past the great desert by now. One thing is for sure. I don’t think SEVEN: You stood up to the Queen. we’re in Oz anymore, Toto. Perhaps, we’re close to Kansas again. 35 KNIGHT: You showed great bravery. If you’re brave enough to face her, Hmmm… I wonder what longitude and latitude we’re at? (Yawns.) then we think that we can, too. Oh, we must be falling for miles and miles. How tiresome this is! DOROTHY: So you won’t allow her to enslave the people of Wonderland? (Yawns again. DOROTHY appears almost ready to go to sleep. TOTO FIVE: No. We never wanted to help her, but we were just so afraid. 40 barks at books and the jar as the DANCERS float around the stage with them and then float OFF. DOROTHY and TOTO begin falling DOROTHY: Then the wizard was right. It was all just a show! faster. Suddenly, DOROTHY and TOTO kneel, as if they’ve landed at

62 7 1 LION: Oh, that’s nothing! Come on, let me at it. (Turns LEFT to face the 1 KNIGHT: We only ask that you would lead us as we face the wicked wind again. WIND HOWLS.) one, Your Majesties. SCARECROW: Don’t you dare, Lion. Even though you’re full of courage ALICE: Your Majesties? now, you’d be a fool to go head on with a tornado. Come on, FIVE: You’re our queens now. 5 everyone. We must find shelter! And fast! 5 DOROTHY: Oh, my! TIN MAN: No! It’s too late! Look! It’s here! (Points OFF LEFT. ALL look ALICE: Oh, but we can’t. We must be getting back home to our loved OFF LEFT, then turn to run OFF RIGHT. But it’s too late, the storm is ones. upon them. LIGHTS FLICKER and WIND HOWLS to simulate a storm. KNIGHT: Then who shall lead us? DOROTHY, TOTO, SCARECROW, TIN MAN and LION move about the 10 stage as if they are spinning up into the funnel.) Oh, dear! It’s got DOROTHY: I know just the pair. The Hare and the Hatter shall lead us! It’s got us! (MUSIC continues under the following dialogue until 10 you. indicated. DANCERS ENTER LEFT and RIGHT, simulating the tornado MARCH HARE: (Looks up, surprised.) What’s that? I thought I heard by circling the stage. They twirl long, black streamers, creating the my name! look of swirling wind. [See PRODUCTION NOTES.]) SCARECROW: You did. 15 SCARECROW: Everyone stay calm! MAD HATTER: But how are we to lead the people? It’s tea time. TIN MAN: Stay calm? But I’m afraid of heights! Oh, dear, my new heart 15 SCARECROW: Then, your first decree should be to find Time to make is about to pound right out of my chest! Maybe I should’ve asked amends. Or… perhaps you could simply have your watch fixed. the wizard for some courage instead! That way, you’ll be free to rule. SCARECROW: Oh, my! All my stuffing is starting to unstuff! (Desperately MARCH HARE: But they all think us mad. 20 tries to keep his stuffing in. TOTO barks like mad.) DOROTHY: You are not mad. You just see things differently. And that’s DOROTHY: Toto! Oh, don’t be afraid, Toto! (TOTO’S bark turns to a 20 a good thing. (To CARDS and CHESS PIECES.) They shall lead you. scared whimper as DOROTHY holds him close.) KNIGHT: And we shall follow. Thank you, once again, Queen Alice LION: There’s nothing to be afraid of. We’re just flying is all! Flying high and Queen Dorothy. (ALICE and DOROTHY bow to them. CARDS and up in the sky just like those flying monkeys! CHESS PIECES stand and EXIT.) 25 TIN MAN: Oh, don’t mention them! Not now! Those monkeys give me SCARECROW: (To ALICE and DOROTHY.) That was a very wise thing the heebeejeebees! (DANCERS dance wildly about as the storm 25 you did there. grows stronger. The OTHERS continue to be tossed and turned TIN MAN: Oh, dear! It’s all so wonderful, I’m getting all misty-eyed! as the WIND HOWLS even more. ONE DANCER twirls ON with an DOROTHY: Oh, do be careful, Tin Man. You’ll get all rusted up again. umbrella.) LION: All right, then. What about Dorothy? 30 DOROTHY: Would you look at that! TIN MAN: Yeah! You said you could help her, too! SCARECROW: That’s the umbrella that the Wicked Witch of the West always carried! 30 GLINDA: I can. And I will. It’s as easy as can be. After all, she wears the silver slippers. All it takes is three clicks of the heels and the TIN MAN: Oh, don’t mention her, either! She really gives me the slippers will take her wherever she wishes to go. She could have heebeejeebees! (ANOTHER DANCER twirls by with a strange hat.) returned home the very day she put them on. 35 Oh, my! What’s that? DOROTHY: Really? All this time I had the power to go home and didn’t LION: I haven’t a clue. 35 know? SCARECROW: I’m afraid I don’t know what that is either! GLINDA: Yes. You could have gone home as soon as you put them on LION: Oh, now, don’t tell me you’re afraid of that little thing! in Munchkin Land. DOROTHY: I know what that is. That’s a munchkin hat! All the munchkins SCARECROW: (To DOROTHY.) But then you might have never helped 40 wear them! (TOTO barks at the hat as it passes. ANOTHER DANCER me find the Wizard to get my brains. spins by with a yellow brick.) 40 TIN MAN: And I my heart!

6 63 1 LION: And I might have never found my courage! (MAD HATTER and 1 DOROTHY: (Sings.) Wizards scare us MARCH HARE cross to DOROTHY.) With tricks behind the screen. MARCH HARE: (Sad.) I guess this means we will never enjoy the Wizards prepare us pleasure of having you both for tea? To face the unknown and the unseen. 5 DOROTHY: No. I’m sure it would have been lovely! 5 DOROTHY/SCARECROW/TIN MAN/LION: (Sing.) ALICE: But thank you for the invitation. Journeys take us MARCH HARE: Oh, no! You’re not invited. Places we fear to go. Journeys make us ALICE: (Confused.) Oh. Relive past mistakes until we fin’lly know. MAD HATTER: We would invite you, but I’m afraid you’d find us to be 10 Somehow, some way, we will 10 terrible, terrible hosts. Travel ’round that corner, DOROTHY: What makes you say that? Somewhere, someplace MAD HATTER: We’re completely out of butter! (DOROTHY and ALICE That you least expect. laugh.) It will be waiting there. SCARECROW: (Pats MAD HATTER and MARCH HARE on the shoulder.) 15 DOROTHY/SCARECROW/TIN MAN/LION/OZIANS: (Sing.) 15 Good luck finding Gertrude and Hermione, but I especially hope Somehow, some way, we will you find Time. Never stop our searching. MAD HATTER: Yes, indeed. He’s a rascally fellow, but he’ll turn up. Something is the clue (MUSIC CUE 11: “Back Where It All Began.”) To take us through TIN MAN: (Speaks.) Can you really help us get back to Oz, too? 20 That open door… (The following two lines are sung as a duet.) 20 GLINDA: (Speaks.) Of course! I’ll take you with me. After all, I must DOROTHY/SCARECROW/OZIANS GROUP ONE: (Sing.) return home, too! That leads you home somehow… SCARECROW: (Speaks.) Hmmm. I hadn’t thought of that! TIN MAN/LION/OZIANS GROUP TWO: (Sing.) GLINDA: (Speaks.) But first, we must get these young ladies off to That leads you home somehow, somewhere, someday… their homes. (To ALICE and DOROTHY.) Very well, girls. You know 25 ALL: (Sing.) Some way! (MUSIC OUT. Direct segue to MUSIC CUE 2a: 25 what to do. “The Tornado–Underscore. [NOTE: On CD, cue begins with HOWLING DOROTHY: (Speaks.) Come, Toto! Aunt Em and Uncle Henry are WIND sound effects as the dialogue leads up to the music cue.] ALL waiting. sway to the RIGHT and put their arms up as if to block a great wind ALICE: (Speaks.) Oh, I’ll bet Dinah is waiting for me, too! Oh, how I that is coming from STAGE LEFT.) miss her so! 30 TIN MAN: Oh, I don’t like the sound of that! 30 DOROTHY: (Sings.) Time to run. Time to fly. SCARECROW: It’s just a bit of a breeze. I’m so happy I could almost cry. LION: Yeah! Nothing to be afraid of! (Steps LEFT into the wind and Though I’ll miss you so, it’s good to know poses heroically.) See? (WIND HOWLS. ALL sway to the RIGHT I’m finally going home. again.) ALICE: (Sings.) I’m finally going home 35 SCARECROW: Perhaps I was mistaken. That’s more than just a 35 To embrace that one space that nothing can replace. breeze! GLINDA: (Sings.) Time to travel back where it all began. DOROTHY: I know those winds. We have them all the time in Kansas, TIN MAN: (Sings.) Warms my heart. and that’s what brought me here to begin with. You’re exactly right, LION: (Sings.) Calms my fear. Scarecrow. It’s not a breeze. It’s a… 40 SCARECROW: (Sings.) All my thoughts are coming crystal clear. SCARECROW: Tornado! TIN MAN: A tornado? Oh, no!

64 5 RIGHTS MUST BE PURCHASED BEFORE REPRODUCING THIS SCRIPT 1 DOROTHY: (Watches as he goes, then stomps her foot.) Oh! Now, I shall 1 DOROTHY: (Sings.) Though you’re all such dears, never get back to Kansas! (MUSIC OUT.) It seems like years since I have seen my home. LION: It’s okay, Dorothy. You can stay with us. ALICE: (Sings.) There’s nowhere else where I’d rather be. TIN MAN: That’s a great idea. After all, it was very sad to think that ALICE/DOROTHY: (Sing.) Now, I know what my home means to me. 5 you might have to go. 5 DOROTHY/ALICE/SCARECROW/TIN MAN/LION/GLINDA: (Sing.) SCARECROW: I had the very same thought. (MUSIC CUE 1b: “White Time to travel back where it all began. Rabbit-Entrance.” WHITE RABBIT runs ON LEFT, chased by TOTO, GLINDA: (Sings.) Places come, places go, barking.) Some are worlds away, WHITE RABBIT: (Sings.) Oh, me! Oh, my! But there’s just one place that draws the soul. 10 The seconds racing by! 10 DOROTHY: (Sings.) People come. Ticking, tocking, ALICE: (Sings.) People go. It is shocking DOROTHY/ALICE: (Sing.) Never long to stay. Just how fast they fly! Still they live on Oh, my! Oh, me! In memories, 15 How quickly I must flee! 15 On in the stories that make us whole! Can’t stop or wait or hesitate! ENSEMBLE: (Sings.) Only one place is home. I’m late! I’m late! I’m late! (ALL watch as WHITE RABBIT races OFF Doesn’t matter where you choose to roam. RIGHT. TOTO stops near DOROTHY and barks after WHITE RABBIT. Home will let you go, MUSIC OUT.) But you will always know 20 DOROTHY: Oh, Toto! There you are! (TOTO turns to DOROTHY, seems 20 It’s waiting there to share happy to see her and puts his paws up to her.) No, Toto, no! Bad Another day, another year. dog! (TOTO cowers.) Don’t you see? I’m very displeased with you. Doesn’t matter if it’s far or near. I couldn’t find you, and, now… now, the wizard is gone, and we’ll There’s one single track. never get back to Aunt Em and Uncle Henry! (TOTO whimpers. Take it while you can. 25 MUSIC CUE 2: “Somehow, Someway.” Speaks.) Oh, Toto! I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to frighten you. We’ll find our way home. Somehow, 25 Time to travel back… some way… (Sings.) I faced witches, DOROTHY/ALICE: (Sing.) Where it all began. Monkeys flying in the air. DOROTHY: (Speaks to OTHERS.) Goodbye! (Quick goodbye hugs, ad- Life has its glitches, libs, etc. ALICE drinks from the bottle as DOROTHY closes her eyes 30 But I will find the answer somewhere. and clicks her heels. OTHERS ad-lib their goodbyes as the LIGHTS Journeys throw us 30 FADE to BLACK. MUSIC OUT.) Many a twist and turn. END OF MUSICAL DOROTHY/SCARECROW/TIN MAN/LION: (Sing.) CURTAIN CALL Journeys show us MUSIC CUE 11a: “Curtain Call–Two Worlds-Epilogue. LIGHTS UP: 35 What we need to know through lessons that we learn. ENSEMBLE ENTERS for bows. Somehow, some way, there is A path that will lead us. ENSEMBLE: (After bows, sings.) Two worlds, curious faces. Somewhere, someday soon, Can’t help but wonder who they are. The next blue moon, 35 Topsy and turvy, don’t know inside from out, 40 We’ll find it there. Fumbling about.

4 65 RIGHTS MUST BE PURCHASED BEFORE REPRODUCING THIS SCRIPT 1 Two worlds, quirkiest places. 1 DOROTHY: One more? But there are two more of us. Toto’s coming, ’Round every corner hides a surprise. too. Isn’t there any room for Toto? Something astounding, strangely dumbfounding. WIZARD: Who’s Toto? Logic defying, there’s no denying, DOROTHY: You know Toto. He’s my dog. 5 Things are off kilter and something’s the tilter. 5 WIZARD: Oh, yes, yes. I remember. No. Mingling and mangling, watch it untangling DOROTHY: Oh, but I can’t leave him here. Please tell me Toto can Right before your very eyes. (ENSEMBLE EXITS in all directions. come. LIGHTS FADE to BLACK. MUSIC OUT.) WIZARD: I don’t know. Is he trained? DOROTHY: Oh, yes. And he’ll be on his very best behavior. I promise 10 he won’t be a bother, and he’s very small, so I’m sure there will be plenty of room. WIZARD: (Hesitant.) Well… (LION leans into WIZARD and growls.) Yes, I suppose we can make it work. Come along then, we must be off at once! (Steps into the balloon. [NOTE: If not using a balloon, WIZARD 15 simply EXITS RIGHT.]) DOROTHY: Oh, but… (Looks around.) Oh, my! Where is he? Has anyone seen Toto? LION: I thought he was with you. SCARECROW: (To LION.) Let me do the thinking. (To DOROTHY.) When 20 did you last see him? DOROTHY: It was right before the wizard gave you your brains. He ran off, just over there. (Points and looks OFF LEFT. MUSIC CUE 1a: “Flight of the Balloon–Underscore.” MUSIC UNDER until indicated for the following dialogue.) 25 WIZARD: (Shouts.) Unleash the anchors! We set sail for Kansas straightaway! (OZIANS untie the ropes.) Come, Dorothy! DOROTHY: (Looks around STAGE LEFT feverish.) But I can’t find Toto! He just has to come with us! WIZARD: (As OZIANS begin to move with the balloon towards OFF 30 RIGHT. [See PRODUCTION NOTES.]) No, no, Dorothy, you must come now. The balloon is almost off the ground! DOROTHY: (Shouts OFF LEFT.) Toto! Toto! Here, Toto! TIN MAN: Dorothy, quick! The wizard’s flying away without you! OZIANS: (Ad-lib.) Farewell! Goodbye, Wizard! We’ll miss you! (Etc.) 35 DOROTHY: (Looks RIGHT and runs towards the balloon.) No! Wait! You can’t leave! WIZARD: (As he drifts OFF RIGHT in the balloon, followed OFF by the OZIANS. See PRODUCTION NOTES.) It’s too late, Dorothy. If I shall ever meet you again, I promise to keep my promise. I’ll help you 40 get back to Kansas! (He’s OUT.)

66 3 1 Things are off kilter and something’s the tilter. PRODUCTION NOTES Mingling and mangling, watch it untangling Right before your very eyes. (ENSEMBLE EXITS as LIGHTS FADE to PROPERTIES ON STAGE BLACK. MUSIC OUT.) ACT ONE End of Prologue Scene One: Large hot air balloon cutout with ropes ACT ONE Scene Two: Mushroom for Caterpillar to sit on Scene One – Goodbye, Emerald City Scene Three: Short wall for Humpty Dumpty to sit on 5 LIGHTS UP: The Emerald City. OZIANS have gathered for DOROTHY’S Scene Six: Long table with several tea settings, teapot, pocket watch big trip back to Kansas with the WIZARD. A giant hot air balloon is in a butter dish, extra hat for Mad Hatter, travelling bag STAGE RIGHT. (See PRODUCTION NOTES.) SCARECROW, TIN MAN, Scene Seven: Red table LION and DOROTHY stand in line as WIZARD addresses them one by Scene Eight: Hedge with white and red roses (reverse side of Humpty one. Dumpty’s wall used in Scene Three) 10 WIZARD: Very well. (To SCARECROW.) Now, Scarecrow, you’ve got your brains. Scene Nine: Wizard’s door, screen, stool SCARECROW: (Smart.) Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for ACT TWO tomorrow. The important thing is not to stop questioning. Scene Two: Tree with wanted poster, large rock, extra hat for Mad WIZARD: I can see they’re working already! (To TIN MAN.) The Tin Man Hatter 15 has his heart. Scene Three: Hedge with white and red roses TIN MAN: (Kneels and recites.) How do I love thee? Let me count the Scene Four: Table and chair for judge box, table with typewriter and ways. chair, chair for witness box, prosecution and defense tables and OZIAN GIRLS: (Swoon.) Awww! chairs, chairs for gallery, glass of water on defense table WIZARD: (To TIN MAN.) You’d better be careful with that, or you’ll be PROPERTIES BROUGHT ON 20 breaking some hearts. ACT ONE TIN MAN: Yes, sir. Scene One: Umbrella, hat, yellow brick, map, books, orange marmalade WIZARD: (To LION.) And you, Lion. You’ve got your courage. (CREW/EXTRAS) LION: (Tough.) You bet I have! Grrrrauff! Scene Two: Bubbles (CATERPILLAR) WIZARD: Easy there, tiger. Scene Seven: Baking sheet with tarts (FISH FOOTMAN) 25 LION: (Glares and corrects him.) Ahem, Lion. Empty bag or satchel, bag of charts (KNAVE OF HEARTS) WIZARD: Ah, yes, yes, of course. Now, you’ve all gotten what you Scene Eight: Paint can, paintbrush (CARDS) came for, so you can all be on your merry ways! Rope (KNAVE OF HEARTS) TIN MAN: But you’ve forgotten about Dorothy! Scene Nine: Invitation, wanted poster (FISH FOOTMAN) LION: Yeah. What’s the meaning of this? ACT TWO 30 SCARECROW: Are you trying to pull a fast one on us? Scene Three: Teapot, watch (MAD HATTER) TIN MAN: You promised to help her get back to Kansas. Flamingo mallets, hedgehogs (CARDS) WIZARD: Oh, yes. I have, haven’t I? Invitation (DOROTHY) DOROTHY: You have. Can’t you help me, oh, great wizard? Oil can (CHESHIRE CAT ONE) WIZARD: Yes, yes, of course I can! I knew I was forgetting something. Scene Four: Gavel (QUEEN OF HEARTS) 35 It just so happens that I’m bound for Kansas myself, and there’s Bottle of potion (ALICE) room in the balloon for one more.

2 67 FLEXIBLE CASTING DOROTHY IN WONDERLAND— Many of the characters are written as male in the books, which is why THE MUSICAL so many of them are written as male in the script. However, almost all Prologue of the characters may be played as either male or female by changing the gender related terms that refer to the characters. The exceptions 1 MUSIC CUE 1: “Two Worlds.” ENSEMBLE ENTERS in the dark. would be DOROTHY, ALICE, TIN MAN, WIZARD, GLINDA, KING OF DOROTHY, TOTO and OZIANS form a group STAGE RIGHT while ALICE HEARTS and QUEEN OF HEARTS, whose roles are gender specific and and the WONDERLAND CHARACTERS form a group STAGE LEFT. WHITE must be played as such. RABBIT moves DOWN CENTER. SPOTLIGHT UP on WHITE RABBIT. 5 WHITE RABBIT: (Sings.) Two worlds, so many faces, For a larger cast, a large CHORUS can be used as additional So many stories yet untold. OZIANS, DANCERS, PLAYING CARDS, CHESS PIECES, WINKIES and MUNCHKINS. Roles with spoken lines, such as the FLOWERS, CHESS So many different, radical points of view, PIECES and CARDS, may be split into extra parts. Slightly askew. Two worlds, such different places For a smaller cast, several parts may be doubled, including: WIZARD, 10 Filled with dilemmas soon to unfold. GLINDA, FLOWERS, HUMPTY DUMPTY, CHESS PIECES, TWEEDLE DEE, TWEEDLE DUM, FROG FOOTMAN, FISH FOOTMAN, CHESHIRE CATS, Let your mind travel, PLAYING CARDS, WINKIES and MUNCHKINS. For more doubling Free to unravel. information about which characters are in each scene, see the Where’s where, what’s what, and who is who? (LIGHTS UP on the character/scene breakdown in the director’s book. ENSEMBLE.) 15 ENSEMBLE: (Sings.) Two worlds, craziest cases, COSTUME SUGGESTIONS Outlandish beings out of sync. There are no specific costume requirements for this play. Feel free to Hither and wither, constantly led astray, unleash your imagination. These are merely suggestions. Finding their way. SCARECROW wears a pair of worn jeans or overalls and a plain or Two worlds, queens, kings and aces, flannel shirt. Straw should peek out from the cuffs and ankles. 20 Willy and nilly, on the brink. TIN MAN is dressed in gray or silver attire to make him appear metallic. Teeters and totters, Duct tape can also create an effective illusion. When not rusted, Schemers and plotters, he carries his oil can. Dealing the cards they all play. DOROTHY wears silver slippers, as in the original L. Frank Baum book. DOROTHY/OZIANS: (Sing.) Imagine a future (Red slippers were MGM’s creation for their first color movie in 25 That goes beyond your wildest dreams. 1939 and are not in the public domain.) ALICE/WONDERLAND FOLK: (Sing.) You’ll never imagine MAD HATTER, MARCH HARE and DORMOUSE are dressed in Where dreams are taking you. fancy Victorian attire, suitable for tea-time, with whatever odd ENSEMBLE: (Sings.) Somewhere nothing’s as it seems. embellishments seem to suit them. MAD HATTER wears at least It’s true! three different hats over the course of the show. MARCH HARE 30 Two worlds, curious faces. should have rabbit ears. Can’t help but wonder who they are. WHITE RABBIT is dressed sharply, carries a pocket watch and should Topsy and turvy, don’t know inside from out, have rabbit ears and perhaps a tail. Fumbling about. GLINDA is dressed in a fancy elaborate gown and carries a wand. Two worlds, quirkiest places. OZIANS are all from the Emerald City and should wear green clothing, 35 ’Round every corner hides a surprise, hats and accessories. Something astounding, strangely dumbfounding. Logic defying, there’s no denying.

68 1 RIGHTS MUST BE PURCHASED BEFORE REPRODUCING THIS SCRIPT MC9a A Mad Adventure–Reprise ...... Mad Hatter, March Hare, Dormouse, CARDS, including the KING and QUEEN OF HEARTS, may be made Scarecrow, Lion, from a foam or cardboard square, painted or stitched to look like Dorothy, Alice the cards they represent. However, they do not have to look like playing cards and may also be dressed in extravagant, court-like MC9b White Rabbit–Entrance ...... White Rabbit attire with embellishments that indicate their rank. MC9c Fanfare and Processional ...... Instrumental Similarly, CHESS PIECES should be dressed in red and may be adorned MC9d Recitation–Underscore...... Instrumental with red hats that signify their character or rank in some way. For MC9e Recitation–Underscore...... Instrumental instance, the knight may wear a knight’s helmet or a hat with a MC9f Fanfare ...... Instrumental horse’s head to indicate the chess piece he represents. MC9g Processional–Scene Change ...... Instrumental FLOWERS can wear headgear with petals or makeup to indicate the MC10 Wicked Ol’ Witch! ...... Dorothy, Alice, Lion, flower they represent. For instance, TIGER LILY might wear a headpiece with petals and makeup with whiskers. Tin Man, Scarecrow, Queen, King, White HOT AIR BALLOON Rabbit, Knave, Five, The hot air balloon should be a cutout that is built on a rolling platform. Seven, Winkies, As the balloon “lifts off” with WIZARD inside, it merely rolls offstage, Munchkins controlled by OZIAN EXTRAS. If a full size hot air balloon set piece is MC10a Glinda’s Entrance–Underscore ...... Instrumental beyond the production’s means, then the hot air balloon action may MC11 Back Where It All Began ...... Dorothy, Alice, be staged completely OFFSTAGE. WIZARD can shout his lines in the Glinda, Scarecrow, balloon from OFF RIGHT. Ropes that appear to secure the offstage Tin Man, Lion, balloon to the ground can extend ON from the STAGE RIGHT wings and Ensemble the OZIAN EXTRAS can hold them down and appear to be dragged OFF by them. EPILOGUE THE TORNADO AND THE RABBIT HOLE MC11a Curtain Call–Two Worlds ...... Ensemble Stage this however you envision. The directions here are merely a guide to get you started, but each production will have its own unique take. For starters, during the first section, the characters from Oz are caught in a tornado and should move around the stage, spinning and seeming to be in flight. DANCERS wearing all black and holding black streamers run circles around the stage so that the streamers create the effect of a tornado. DANCERS will also bring in the various props that seem to be swirling in the storm. During the next part and after the OZ characters are separated, DOROTHY and TOTO begin to fall down the rabbit hole and into Wonderland. DOROTHY and TOTO should no longer spin about the stage during this second half, but they should give the impression that they are falling, with lifted arms and moving only incrementally as if to seem weightless. Wires and fancy flying mechanisms are not needed for either part. All that is needed is the right choreography. DANCERS once again bring in props as if they are floating around with DOROTHY and TOTO as they fall. vi 69 RIGHTS MUST BE PURCHASED BEFORE REPRODUCING THIS SCRIPT THE WIZARD’S HOUSE SEQUENCE OF MUSICAL NUMBERS In ACT ONE, Scene Nine, the WIZARD’S house can be as simple as PROLOGUE a free-standing door defining the front of the house. Characters pass MC1 Two Worlds ...... Ensemble through the door and “into” the house, though the interior does not ACT ONE require anything more than the screen that the Wizard hides behind. MC1a Flight of the Balloon–Underscore ...... Instrumental The scene can also be played without any set pieces. Simply use the MC1b White Rabbit–Entrance ...... White Rabbit far side of the stage apron as the entryway. When characters “enter” MC2 Somehow, Some Way ...... Dorothy, Scarecrow, the house, they simply step onto the stage. DOROTHY can knock on Tin Man, Lion the stage wall. MC2a The Tornado–Underscore ...... Instrumental CHASING THE CHESHIRE CAT MC2b White Rabbit–Entrance ...... White Rabbit The chasing of the CHESHIRE CAT is meant to be a fun way to show MC2c White Rabbit–Entrance ...... White Rabbit how the cat can vanish into thin air. And who doesn’t love a good chase MC3 I Ain’t a-Scared o’ Nuttin’! ...... Lion, Tweedle Dee, scene, right? Obviously, an actor cannot vanish into thin air. However, Tweedle Dum three actors can give the illusion of disappearing and reappearing. MC3a White Rabbit–Entrance ...... White Rabbit That’s why there are three CHESHIRE CATS moving about the stage. MC4 I’m Just a Girl ...... Alice, Glinda The trick will be to make your three cats look as identical as possible MC5 A Mad Adventure ...... Scarecrow, Mad with costuming and makeup. Matching masks could work, too. The three actors should also try to have similar voices and mannerisms as Hatter, March Hare, the cat, so they give the impression that all three of them are actually Dormouse the same character that keeps popping up in different places. MC5a White Rabbit–Entrance ...... White Rabbit The staging is merely suggested and may be changed to suit your MC6 Who Stole the Tarts? ...... Alice, Fish Footman, needs. Since each cat essentially hides, it is DOROTHY, TOTO, ALICE Knight and LION who will help the most in giving the audience the impression MC6a Who Stole the Tarts–Reprise ...... Queen, Five, Seven, that the cat has vanished. A particularly effective way to stage this is Knight, Knave, already suggested. CAT ONE runs behind the tree, but does not appear Footman on the other side. TOTO chases after the CAT and does appear on MC6b Recitation–Underscore...... Instrumental the other side. This moment should happen quickly, timed so that it MC7 The Heartless Executioner ...... Queen, Tin Man, appears CAT just vanished right in front of TOTO. With a little practice, King, Five, Seven, it’s a pretty easy and very cool illusion to make happen with very little Playing Cards technical requirements. MC8 Will We Ever See Home Again? ...... Alice, Dorothy, This scene could be done with a single actor by combining all of the Wizard, Scarecrow, lines. As for staging this with one actor, you would probably need stage Tin Man, Lion curtains and sneaky ways for the actor to disappear from one point on Ozians the stage and reappear in another, say, by slipping through curtains and running backstage to appear on another side of the stage. Feel ACT TWO free to be creative to meet your particular staging needs and, most MC8a Entr’Acte–A Mad Adventure ...... Ensemble importantly, have fun with it! MC9 Everyone Has To Be Somewhere...... Cheshire Cats, Dorothy, Alice, Lion

70 v to be a hedge with white and red roses for the QUEEN’S rose garden CATCHING ALICE RED-HANDED in ACT ONE, Scene Eight and ACT TWO, Scene Three. A rock or bush is This stage illusion is very simple. Just have ALICE’S hand smeared needed for ACT ONE, Scene Seven and ACT TWO, Scene Two. A great with a little bit of red prior to her entrance. She will need to keep her tree is also needed for ACT TWO, Scene Two. hands concealed for a few lines, but this means KNAVE OF HEARTS doesn’t need to worry about sneakily smearing her hands mid-scene. SYNOPSIS OF SCENES Of course, if you prefer, you can do it that way. ACT ONE CROQUET Scene One: Goodbye, Emerald City (can be played before the curtain) If possible, it would be great fun to use flamingos as mallets, Scene Two: The Live Garden hedgehogs for balls and the CARDS as the arches, just like it is in Scene Three: The Tin Man’s Arrest Alice in Wonderland. The flamingos could be either the iconic plastic Scene Four: The Battle lawn ornament flamingos or painted cutouts. All that is needed for the Scene Five: The Good Witch hedgehogs is round, fluffy stuffed animals. Scene Six: A Mad Tea Party If you wish to use proper croquet equipment instead, the lines may be Scene Seven: The Stolen Tarts adjusted to suit your needs. Scene Eight: Painting the Roses Red CHARACTER NOTES Scene Nine: The Great Oz The MAD HATTER and MARCH HARE, admittedly, don’t make much sense. But that’s the point. They are mad. And while great care has ACT TWO been taken to question whether they are really mad or actually quite Scene One: A Mad Adventure (played before the curtain) clever but misunderstood, their apparent madness remains. The best Scene Two: Directions from an Old Friend advice here is to own it. Play the part the way that makes sense to Scene Three: Croquet you. Get into their imagination. Get into their worries and concerns. Scene Four: The Trial The only way that these parts can be played incorrectly is to play it safe and hold back. So go for it, whatever direction that may be, and more importantly, have fun with it. The same goes for every other character. Go for it and have fun! NOTE FROM THE AUTHOR As a former teacher of English literature, I feel I would be missing a perfect teaching opportunity if I didn’t recommend the reading of the great works that inspired this play. For further enjoyment and understanding of the play, I highly recommend that you have your cast and/or student audiences read Alice in Wonderland, Through the Looking Glass and The Wonderful Wizard of Oz. Lewis Carroll and L. Frank Baum also wrote many additional works worthy of reading, and of course their work inspired many stage and film adaptations. All of their work is now firmly established as classic literature. Very fun and meaningful reading, familiarity with these original sources will add a great deal to the appreciation of this play.

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