THE WONDERFUL WIZARD OF OZ Adapted by Rachel Teagle From the book by L. Frank Baum
For all inquiries, please contact: Rachel Teagle (408) 316-8123 [email protected] Serenbe Playhouse Production Draft 2014 SMALL CAST CHARACTER BREAKDOWN
Dorothy ACTOR 1- Scarecrow (male) ACTOR 2 - Tin Man (male) ACTOR 3 - Lion (female) ACTOR 4 – With of the North, Witch of the South, Oz Guard, Auxiliary Puppeteer, etc (female) ACTOR 5 – Witch of the West, Elfra, Glinda Guard, Aunt Em, Auxiliary Puppeteer (female) ACTOR 6 - Oz, King of Flying Monkeys, Boq, Auxiliary Puppeteer (male)
ALTERNATE LARGE CAST BREAKDOWN
Dorothy Toto Scarecrow Tin Man Lion Elfra Boq Additional Munchkin Townspeople Witch of the North/Witch of the South Oz Guard Oz Witch of the West/Aunt Em King of Flying Monkeys Additional Flying Monkeys
STAGE:
In an arc through the audience runs the yellow brick road, functioning like an apron, to accommodate travel and distraction from scene changes, with a path down the middle of the audience for the Witch of the West's entrance and the poppy scene. PRELUDE
The audience gathers in Kansas. Perhaps Aunt Em passes through, looking for Dorothy. Dorothy passes through avoiding Aunt Em, her nose in a book. A tornado siren signals the audience to enter the space, and they travel down a path passing by characters they will see later in the play.
SCENE 1: THE COUNCIL WITH THE MUNCHKINS
DOROTHY Toto? Toto! Are you okay? I thought I'd lost you. Toto, I don't know what I would have done. I swear, Kansas has got to be the absolute most boring, awful place I've ever been. If it wasn't for you, Toto, I'd go nuts. On a good day, it's gray and flat with nothing to do but chores. And on a bad day, a giant tornado picks you up and drops you in the middle of...in the middle of SHE NOTICES HER SURROUNDINGS FOR THE FIRST TIME. Wait. This is not Kansas. This is definitely not Kansas. I think things have just gotten interesting. All right Dorothy, let's think this through. First: Where are you? Not Kansas, so far so good. Maybe it's somewhere like Missouri, or Canada? Or is it Neverland, or Fairyland, or Liliput, or... What was that?
A MUNCHKIN MAN, BOQ, AND A MUNCHKIN WOMAN, ELFRA PEEK OUT, ALONG WITH A HERD OF CONJOINED MUNCHKINS. DOROTHY WHIRLS AROUND. ALL MUNCHKINS GASP!
THEY NOISILY HIDE.
DOROTHY Great. Now I'm hallucinating. That tornado must have given me a head injury.
THE MUNCHKINS BEGIN LOUDLY WHISPERING.
ELFRA Did she see us?
BOQ I don't know!
ELFRA Quick, stay still!
EVERYONE FREEZES
DOROTHY I can see you you know.
BOQ You can?
1 DOROTHY Yes. You aren't very good at hiding. Wait, don't go away. I need to talk to you.
ELFRA You want to talk to us?
DOROTHY Yes, I do.
THE MUNCHKINS ALL TURN TO ONE ANOTHER AND SQUEAL!
BOQ Much honor and blessings upon you, mighty sorceress!
ELFRA We are eternally grateful for your act of brave assassination!
THE MUNCHKINS BOW.
DOROTHY Hold on, sorceress? Assassination? What are you talking about?
THEY POINT, DOROTHY TURNS TO SEE HER HOUSE CRUSHING A PAIR OF FEET WEARING SILVER SHOES.
DOROTHY What? That's my house! The tornado must have dropped it.
ELFRA Right on the Witch!
BOQ And crushed her to death!
MUNCHKINS Hooray! THEY ALL DO A LITTLE DANCE. IT IS PROBABLY VIOLENT. THE WITCH OF THE NORTH APPEARS.
WITCH OF THE NORTH Morbid little buggers aren't they? But if the evil tyrant making your life miserable met a sudden and violent end, you'd be doing that little dance, too. Ah well, when in Munchkin-land. THE WITCH JOINS IN THE DANCE.
DOROTHY I'm sorry, Munchkin-land?
2 WITCH OF THE NORTH Boy, for a blood-thirsty sorceress, you sure don't know much.
DOROTHY Oh, I'm not a sorceress.
ELFRA But you're wearing white in your dress, and that's the color of sorceresses.
DOROTHY My dress is blue and white.
BOQ That means you're a friendly sorceress. Blue is the color of the munchkins!
MUNCHKINS Yay!
DOROTHY I'm telling you, I'm not a sorceress. Sorceresses aren't even real, they're just in stories. My name is Dorothy Gale. I'm just a normal girl. I—
WITCH OF THE NORTH Then, “Dorothy Gale, normal girl” how did you kill the Wicked Witch of the East, hmm?
MUNCHKINS Hmm?
DOROTHY It was an accident, I swear! A big tornado picked up my house in Kansas and...
BOQ Kansas? Never heard of it.
DOROTHY Well it's nothing like this place, no munchkins or witches, just normal ordinary people. Doing ordinary things.
WITCH OF THE NORTH Ordinary? Like what?
DOROTHY Like pulling weeds and washing dishes, and hanging laundry out to dry.
ELFRA Ooh, laundry, sounds exotic.
3 DOROTHY It's really not. I promise you. Just ask my Aunt Em, she may not even know what the word means. That's not fair. I don't mean to be ungrateful. Uncle Henry didn't have to take me in after all, it's awfully kind. And it's a new place, Kansas. I'm sure I'll get used to it. But... I don't want to get used to it. I mean, I know this is their life and they've worked very hard to be they are, but I read about all these amazing places and fascinating people, and I don't want to just read about them. I want to see them for myself. I can't stay in Kansas my whole life. I want my life to be so much bigger. Wow. I didn't mean to dump all those feelings on you little guys. I guess I haven't really had anyone to talk beside Toto in a long, long time.
WITCH OF THE NORTH Hmm, Kansas must be one of those “civilized” places. In places like that there is no magic left.
DOROTHY I believe that.
WITCH OF THE NORTH But here, let me tell ya, we're just oozing with the stuff. We've got witches in every corner. Literally. I live up North, my slightly less good-looking sister Glinda lives in the South, and two wicked witches flew off to the East and West to rule over the simpler folk there.
THE MUNCHKINS MAKE AN OFFENDED NOISE.
ELFRA Who are you calling simple, lady?
BOQ She already knocked off one witch today, don't push your luck.
DOROTHY So you're a witch, too?
WITCH OF THE NORTH Why yes! The Good Witch of the North, at your service.
DOROTHY Well, why didn't you overthrow the wicked witch who ruled here?
BOQ Say, that's a good question.
THE MUNCHKINS WHIP AROUND TO LOOK AT THE WITCH.
WITCH OF THE NORTH Well, uh, I'm not as powerful as the Witch of the East was.
4 ELFRA Was is right. She's going as we speak. THEY TURN TO SEE THE LAST OF THE FEET DISAPPEARING, LEAVING ONLY THE SHOES, WHICH HAVE NOW TURNED RED. THE MUNCHKINS GASP.
WITCH OF THE NORTH Well, would you look at that. She was so old and so evil that she just dried right up in the sun. That's why you've got to moisturize. Evil witches are notoriously terrible at that. But my sister Glinda and I? Fresh as the morning dew. Ooh, and would you look at those shoes!
DOROTHY Wait, weren't they silver?
ELFRA I know, and now they're just to die for! Oops, too soon?
BOQ It's like her power somehow seeped into them.
ELFRA Or something else seeped into them.
MUNCHKINS Eww.
WITCH OF THE NORTH She sure did love these old things. You can take them , Dorothy, if you'd like.
DOROTHY Really?
ELFA Sure! You kill the witch, you get the shoes, that seems only fair.
WITCH OF THE NORTH You know, I think that there was some sort of charm or something attached to them, but I can't for the life of me remember what that was.
BOQ Gee, I hope that's not important later.
WITCH OF THE NORTH And look! They fit just perfectly.
DOROTHY They do. It's unbelievable.
5 WITCH OF THE NORTH It's magic. Welcome to Oz.
DOROTHY Oz?
WITCH OF THE NORTH Uh huh. Oz. This is a land of magic and mystery, where beauty and terror lurk around every corner and the whole world is lush and lovely and fascinating. You can walk all day and never cease to see wonders.
DOROTHY Oz. I can't believe it. I finally walked into a fairy tale. Wait, did you say “all day”?
BOQ Sure!
DOROTHY Oh, I can't be here all day.
MUNCHKINS (disappointed) Aw...
DOROTHY If I'm out all day, Aunt Em is gonna kill me! Who's going to set the table? And feed the chickens, and sweep the porch and... I'm going to be in so much trouble. How do I get back to Kansas?
WITCH OF THE NORTH Ooh. Yikes. From here? I do not know.
DOROTHY What do you mean you don't know?
WITCH OF THE NORTH Oz is surrounded by a deadly desert on all sides. It's not an easy place to travel through.
DOROTHY I got here, I must be able to get back.
WITCH OF THE NORTH It took a cyclone to carry you over here, you need to find something just as powerful to carry you back. Hmm, but what is great and powerful in Oz?
6 BOQ What about Oz the Great and Powerful?
ELFRA You mean the wizard who lives in the Emerald City? He's more powerful than all the witches put together.
BOQ He's got to be able to find a way to send you back to Kansas.
ELFRA Oh, absolutely.
WITCH OF THE NORTH Will you two be quiet! I'm trying to think of a plan to help Dorothy.
ELFA Why doesn't she go see the wizard—
WITCH OF THE NORTH Say, I've got an idea. Why don't you go see the wizard?
BOQ How original.
DOROTHY You really think he can help?
ELFRA Well, this one can't.
WITCH OF THE NORTH She's right. I'm way out of my depth, here.
DOROTHY But where do I find the Wizard?
WITCH OF THE NORTH The Wizard of Oz in the City of Emeralds in the very center of the land. All you have to do is follow the yellow brick road.
DOROTHY Follow the yellow brick road?
MUNCHKINS Follow the yellow brick road! THE MUNCHKINS POINT IT OUT TO HER.
7 MUNCHKINS Ta da!
WITCH OF THE NORTH The journey will be long and the country is not always pleasant, but if you want to get back to Kansas, it's the way you must go. That is your quest.
DOROTHY My quest? I can't believe it. I get to go on a quest! I feel like Don Quixote. I just wish there was some way to repay you for all your help.
BOQ Repay us? Hardly! We owe you for all your Witch-murder!
MUNCHKINS Yay!
ELFRA Yes! Bless you, Witch Killer, bless you! Farewell!
MUNCHKINS Farewell! Bye bye! Thanks, Witch killer! Come back and murder again sometime.(Etc)
DOROTHY BEGINS HER JOURNEY DOWN THE ROAD.
WITCH OF THE NORTH Maybe you should consider another nickname.
BOQ Maybe you should go back North and leave us alone, hmm? We've got a whole new system of government to establish. Shall we, Elfra?
HE EXTENDS HIS ARM, SHE TAKES IT.
ELFRA Of course, Boq. How does constitutional monarchy sound?
THEY EXIT ARM IN ARM. THE WITCH GOES THE OTHER WAY.
BOQ Ooh, or anarchy?
ELFRA Yeah, anarchy!
ALL MUNCHKINS CHEER FOR ANARCHY.
8 SCENE 2 - DOROTHY SAVES THE SCARECROW
DOROTHY CONTINUES DOWN THE YELLOW BRICK ROAD
DOROTHY Huh, look Toto. More cornfields. Even on a magical quest I can't get away from farms. Huh, look at that. They even put up a scarecrow. Maybe this place isn't so different from Kansas after all. The SCARECROW WAVES. Or maybe I spoke too soon.
SCARECROW Good day!
DOROTHY Did you just...talk?
SCARECROW I think so. How do you do?
DOROTHY Pretty well, I guess. How do you do?
SCARECROW How do I do what?
DOROTHY No, I mean how are you feeling today?
SCARECROW Actually, I've got this weird pain in my back. It's like someone stuck me up on a pole.
DOROTHY Someone did stick you up on a pole.
SCARECROW Oh! That explains it. Do you think you could help me down?
DOROTHY Sure!
DOROTHY HELPS THE SCARECROW DOWN, HE COLLAPSES INTO A HEAP.
SCARECROW Ah, much better. Though I seem to be stuck again.
9 DOROTHY Here. SHE HELPS HIM UP. How's that?
SCARECROW Astounding! I feel like I can take on the world! I think I'll go for a stroll. HE TRIES TO TAKE A STEP AND FALLS DOWN AGAIN. Oh, right. I don't know how to stroll.
DOROTHY You don't know how to stroll?
SCARECROW I don't know how to do anything! I don't have any brains.
DOROTHY No brains? How is that possible?
SCARECROW How should I know, I don't have any brains.
DOROTHY Then what's inside your head?
SCARECROW I'm a scarecrow. I'm stuffed with straw and corncobs. That's why I've got such a husky voice. Get it? Corn?
DOROTHY That's terrible
SCARECROW It's not so bad, being stuffed.
DOROTHY No, I meant that pun. It's terrible.
SCARECROW Oh! Zing, you got me! That head of yours must be chock full of thoughts.
DOROTHY That's for sure. Sometimes too many thoughts.
SCARECROW I have no idea what that means.
10 DOROTHY Well, where I come from, there isn't much going on. It's like a big gray sea of dull gray grass. So, I spend a lot of time alone with my thoughts. But when there's so much in my head, and so little around me, it feels extra empty somehow. And lonesome.
SCARECROW Lonesome I understand. Try standing around in a cornfield your whole life.
DOROTHY That's just what I'm afraid of.
SCARECROW You know what I'm afraid of?
DOROTHY What?
SCARECROW Two things: A lighted match, and someone thinking I'm a fool.
DOROTHY Well, better to remain silent and be thought a fool, then to speak out and remove all doubt.
SCARECROW That's good. That's a good one. Did you think of that?
DOROTHY No, I read it somewhere. I do a lot of reading. Aunt Em's always saying get your nose out of that book, get your head out of the clouds, and get your feet on the ground, it's the only way you'll get by in this world.
SCARECROW That's pretty harsh.
DOROTHY I think her hopes have dried up. She's as brittle and gray as the grass on the prairie.
SCARECROW Well, speaking as someone who's full of dry dead grass, it's not such a bad way to be. It's hard to get hurt. I can fall down all day and not feel a thing, and sometimes that really comes in handy. You know?
DOROTHY Yeah, I think I do.
SCARECROW Good. Because I don't. It's so frustrating not to know anything. I wish I could think of a way I could get my head stuffed with brains instead of straw.
11 DOROTHY Huh. Maybe there is.
SCARECROW Really?
DOROTHY I'm going to see the Wizard of Oz in the Emerald City. He's supposed to be great and powerful.
SCARECROW Do you think he can get me a brain?
DOROTHY It couldn't hurt to ask. If you'd like to come with, I'd welcome the company. You can be my Sancho Panza.
SCARECROW. It would be my pleasure.
HE HOLDS OUT HIS ARM, THEY LINK AND TAKE A STEP TOGETHER. THE SCARECROW IMMEDIATELY FALLS OVER.
SCARECROW Whoops! Say, do you think you could give me a little refresher course on how to walk?
THEY WALK OFF TOGETHER.
SCENE 3 – THE RESCUE OF THE TIN WOODSMAN
DOROTHY AND SCARECROW ENTER, STILL ARM IN ARM.
SCARECROW And they don't talk? Not a single one?
DOROTHY Not in Kansas. They just sit there.
SCARECROW And the birds, they fall for it?
DOROTHY Pretty much.
SCARECROW Boy are they lucky. The birds around here are really judgmental. And kind of rude.
12 DOROTHY Scarecrow, do you mind if we stop and rest for a little bit?
SCARECROW Oh of course! Muscles and bones get tired. Straw and cloth don't. I didn't even notice how long we'd been walking. Let's rest. HE COLLAPSES, IMMEDIATELY. DOROTHY SITS BESIDE HIM.
DOROTHY Actually I'm more hungry than tired. Do you need anything to eat?
SCARECROW Oh no. I don't eat. My mouth is just painted on, and if I cut a hole for food to go in, all my stuffing would fall out and spoil the shape of my head. But I'm more than happy to sit here and relax. Uh, how do you relax?
DOROTHY I guess like this. SHE ASSUMES A POSTURE OF RELAXING AND SIGHS. SCARECROW MIMICS HER POSTURE. OFF, SOMETHING GROANS. No, no, no. Not like that. It's more of a sigh.
SCARECROW That wasn't me.
THE GROAN HAPPENS AGAIN.
SCARECROW I think it's coming from inside that tree. And there's another thing I didn't know – trees can talk, too.
DOROTHY It's not the tree, there's someone inside it. THEY PEEL AWAY THE FOLIAGE, REVEALING THE TIN MAN, RUSTED STIFF. HE GROANS. It's a person! Are you the one making all that noise?
TIN MAN (Stiffly) You heard me! No one's ever heard me.
DOROTHY Can we help you?
TIN MAN Yes! Oil my arms.
13 DOROTHY What?
SCARECROW SPOTS THE OILCAN.
SCARECROW Here! His joints must be rusted stiff.
HE RUNS UP TO THE TIN MAN AND OILS HIS ARMS. WEARILY THE TIN MAN PUTS HIS AXE DOWN.
TIN MAN (Stiffly) Finally! I've been—
SCARECROW Hold on, I think your jaw's a little rusted, too. HE OILS HIS FACE. There, that ought to do it.
TIN MAN (smoothly) Ah.... much better. So much better. Man, I've been holding that axe for so long, I thought my arms would fall off. Oh, get my legs would ya? THE SCARECROW OILS HIS LEGS. That's better already. I've been rusted stuck here for years. How did you find me?
DOROTHY We just happened to stop by. We're on our way to see the Wizard of Oz in the Emerald City.
SCARECROW He's going to get me a brain!
TIN MAN A brain? Huh. Do you suppose he could get me a heart?
DOROTHY A heart?
TIN MAN Yes, you see I'm just an hollow shell. HE KNOCKS ON HIS CHEST, IT RESONATES LIKE A BARREL. I'd really love to have a heart again.
SCARECROW What about a brain? Do you have one of those?
TIN MAN No, nothing but tin … and emptiness
14 HE SIGHS.
SCARECROW Then why aren't you asking Oz for a brain?
TIN MAN Well, brains are not the best thing in the world.
SCARECROW How do you know?
TIN MAN I wasn't always made of tin. Once I was a flesh and blood man with a brain and a heart, and having had both, what I miss is my heart.
DOROTHY What happened to you?
TIN MAN I'll tell you, but keep the oil can handy. I tend to get a little worked up, and I'd hate to rust again.
I was in love once, with a beautiful munchkin girl. But, she lived with a cruel old and lazy woman, who didn't want her to get married. So, she went to the Wicked Witch of the East and paid her to put a spell on my axe.
The next day, I was out chopping wood, and whack! The axe slipped and chopped my leg off. But, I hopped over to the tinsmith and got a brand new tin leg.
SCARECROW Good thinking.
DOROTHY Good hopping.
TIN MAN But the witch wasn't done, the axe kept slipping and cut off my other leg, then my arm, then the other. The tinsmith and I were getting to be very close, believe me. Then one day, the axe slipped completely and chopped my head clean off.
DOROTHY How terrible!
SCARECROW Talk about losing your head.
TIN MAN Luckily the tinsmith passed by, and made me a new tin head and a new tin chest. I was good as new,
15 except alas, I had no heart. And without my heart I lost all love for the Munchkin girl.
DOROTHY Star crossed lovers torn apart by fate. What happened to her?
TIN MAN I don't know. I guess she is still living with that old woman out in the country somewhere. If you'll let me, I'll go with you to Oz and ask him to give me a heart, and if he does, I will go back to the Munchkin maiden and marry her, in a heartbeat.
A MOMENT. THE TIN MAN SIGHS.
SCARECROW Eh, I don't know. I think I'm still sold on the brain idea. Besides, a fool would not know what to do with a heart if he had one.
TIN MAN Then why do so many fools fall in love?
DOROTHY All right, you two. After we find the wizard, then you can fight about your brains and your hearts all you want, but for now, let's follow the yellow brick road.
THEY DO.
SCENE 4 – THE COWARDLY LION
TIN MAN Stop! Nobody move. I think I've stepped on a beetle. THEY ALL PAUSE. This is terrible. There she was, minding her own beetle business, when a big metal foot comes crashing down out of the sky. What if she had a family? What will happen to her tiny beetle babies? Great, here come the water works. Now my mouth will rust shut again and then who will tell those little baby beetles the horrible news. TIN MAN WEEPS. SCARECROW LOOKS DOWN.
SCARECROW Do you mean that beetle?
TIN MAN What?
SCARECROW There's a beetle right there, by your feet. Safe and sound.
16 TIN MAN What a relief. I can't afford to be cruel, I'm already heartless. Until the wizard gets me a heart, I am watching where I step. THE TIN MAN TAKES A FEW VERY VERY CAREFUL STEPS.
A DREADFUL ROAR IS HEARD AS THE LION COMES BOUNDING OUT OF THE BRUSH. SHE GROWLS AND LUNGES AT THE SCARECROW.
LION Take that! Raar!
SHE RUSHES THE SCARECROW AND KNOCKS HIM TO THE GROUND. SHE LUNGES A T THE TIN MAN, RAKING HIS CHEST WITH HER CLAWS, IT MAKES A NOISE LIKE NAILS ON A CHALKBOARD.
TOTO BEGINS BARKING FURIOUSLY, THE LION TURNS ON HIM.
LION You wanna make something of it, punk? I'll bite your head off.
DOROTHY SLAPS THE LION IN THE NOSE.
DOROTHY How dare you! A great big beast like you picking on a poor little puppy like Toto.
LION He started it!
DOROTHY He did not. You're the one who leaped out of the forest and knocked over a harmless straw man.
LION Straw? So, that's why I could knock him over so fast. Is the other one straw, too?
TIN MAN No I am not. I'm made out of solid respectable tin.
LION You oughtta warn people, I almost broke a claw.
SCARECROW You oughtta warn people that you're nuts!
LION What about that little thing, is he made of tin or straw?
17 DOROTHY Neither, he's a—a—a meat dog.
TIN MAN And not a very big one either.
LION He sounded bigger, okay? Sure, now that I really look at him, I can see he's on the smaller side, but— Oh, who am I kidding. No one would think of biting such a tiny little thing except a coward like me.
SCARECROW A coward? Who ever heard of a cowardly lion?
LION I know. Lions are King of the Jungle, right? How do you rule the jungle when your subjects terrify you? I learned that if I roared very loudly everything was frightened and got out of my way. If the tigers and the bears ever really tried to fight me, I would have run away myself, but if I roar first, they leave me alone. So, I'm alone, and roaring at everyone. But, between you and me, every time I see someone coming, my heart starts pounding in terror.
TIN MAN Oh, to feel a heart pound, even in terror.
SCARECROW You see, he doesn't have a heart at all. He's going to ask the Wizard of Oz to give him one.
LION Really?
SCARECROW Uh huh. And I'm going to ask him for a... for a... I forgot.
DOROTHY A brain.
SCARECROW Oh yeah. I should ask Oz for a brain, then I can remember what I forgot to ask him for.
DOROTHY You can come, too. Maybe he can get you some courage.
LION He can do that?
TIN MAN As easily as he can get me a heart.
18 SCARECROW Or me a train!
TIN MAN Brain.
SCARECROW Whatever.
LION If you don't mind having a coward along.
SCARECROW Sure! Soon enough we'll be thinking and feeling and couraging with the best of them.
TIN MAN Dorothy, what will you ask the wizard for?
DOROTHY I'm going to ask him to send me and Toto back home to Kansas.
LION Kansas?
DOROTHY Yes, back to my aunt and uncle. If I'm not home before suppertime I am going to be in so much trouble.
LION Home, huh? Maybe when Oz gets me some courage, I'll have the guts to go back to my home and face my fears once and for all.
SCARECROW That's the spirit!
LION So, come on. Let's get to the Emerald City! Just, uh, you go first.
THEY EXIT, THE LION TRAILING BEHIND FEARFULLY.
SCENE 5 – THE DEADLY POPPY FIELD
THEY CONTINUE ALONG THE ROAD
LION Are you sure this road is...safe?
19 SCARECROW I don't know, it looks safe to me.
LION But what if there are Kalidahs in this wood?
DOROTHY Kalidahs?
LION Bodies like bears, heads like tigers. All the clawing power of a bear, combining with the biting power of a tiger. Terrifying.
TIN MAN These don't look like Kalidah woods to me.
LION What about hammerheads?
SCARECROW Never heard of them.
LION WHAT? They are the scariest, okay? They don't look like much, but when you get them mad, BAM! Their neck shoots out and their big flat head smashes you right in the gut.
TIN MAN You sure do know a lot about monsters.
LION You can't be too careful out in this part of the country. You never know what kind of terrible danger is lurking around the corner. A POPPY BLOOMS FROM THE AUDIENCE, LIKELY AN AUXILIARY PUPPETEER, WHO WILL THEN DIRECT THE AUDIENCE TO SPROUT MORE POPPIES AS THE SCENE CONTINUES. Look! A poppy!
DOROTHY It's beautiful! And what a gorgeous shade of red.
TIN MAN Something doesn't feel right here. Hey, guys? Maybe we should stick to the road
LION Why? They're just flowers. What are you so scared of, fraidy-cat?
20 SCARECROW I have no idea.
LION Do you smell that? It's incredible. It's like nothing I've ever smelled before.
DOROTHY I just want to sit here and smell it forever. I … SHE YAWNS I think I'll sit down now.
DOROTHY STARTS TO COLLAPSE, SO DOES THE LION.
LION Me, too, I think I'll just lie here with all these poppies and...just...breathe it in...
TIN MAN Uh, guys? What's going on? What's happening to them?
SCARECROW It must be the poppies! Can you smell that?
TIN MAN No.
SCARECROW Me either! We don't have lungs, we're not breathing this stuff in, but those two, it's hitting them like a ton of bricks. Quick, grab Dorothy and carry her away from those awful flowers.
TIN MAN Got it. What about the Lion?
HE STARTS CARRYING DOROTHY TO SAFETY.
SCARECROW I'll carry her. Straw is one of the strongest materials on earth! HE TRIES TO PICK UP THE LION AND FAILS. No it's not, it's weak and puny. Oh well. I guess we have to leave her behind.
TIN MAN Absolutely not. The Lion is our friend and we can't give up on her. If she's staying here, I'm staying with her.
SCARECROW If only one of us had a brain and could think of a plan. A brilliant plan, like making a chair out of our hands to distribute the weight so we could carry her to safety.
21 TIN MAN That is a brilliant plan.
SCARECROW I know. I just wish someone would think of it.
TIN MAN Oh, come on!
THE TWO OF THEM MOVE TO THE LION AND PICK HER UP, CARRYING HER OVER TO DOROTHY, WHO IS BEGINNING TO COME AROUND.
DOROTHY What...what happened? Did I fall asleep?
TIN MAN It's okay, sweetheart. You're going to be okay. We just got a little side-tracked that's all.
LION I don't think my nerves can take much more of this. Even the flowers are trying to kill us. SHE CLUTCHES HER FOREHEAD AND GROANS Ohhh, my head. If we don't get to the Emerald City soon, I don't know what I'll do.
SCARECROW You don't have to know. Look! HE POINTS, WE SEE THE EMERALD CITY IN THE DISTANCE. IT IS BEAUTIFUL. THE COMPANIONS LAUGH AND START TO RUN FORWARD. AN EMERALD CITY GUARD BLOCKS THEIR PATH.
GUARD Hold it right there, you ragamuffins. What do you think you're doing?
DOROTHY We've come to the Emerald City to see the Wizard of Oz.
A PAUSE. THE GUARD LAUGHS IN THEIR FACES.
GUARD Uh, you can't just walk up to the Emerald City and “see” the wizard. Ha! See the wizard, that's cute. That's a good one. Well, have a good trip back, okay? Bye bye,
DOROTHY Wait! We've come a long way.
GUARD Then you've got a long way back. Bye bye now.
22 TIN MAN Where's your compassion?
SCARECROW Don't you think he'd like to see us?
LION We fought through some terrifying flowers just to get here.
GUARD I'm sorry, no one sees the Wizard. That's just the way it is.
DOROTHY Um, why?
GUARD What did you say?
DOROTHY Why does no one see the Wizard?
GUARD Huh. I guess it's because no one's ever asked before.
DOROTHY We're asking now.
GUARD Hmm. Well, since you asked. Welcome to the City of Emeralds! THEY CELEBRATE Hold on! Not so fast. SHE PRODUCES FOUR PAIRS OF GREEN GLASSES First, you'll need these.
SCARECROW Green glasses? Why?
GUARD Because it is so beautiful and dazzling that the the splendor of the city will literally melt your eyeballs out of your skull...unless you wear these.
LION I'll take them. I've got a bit of a phobia about my eyeballs melting out of my head.
GUARD Let me just lock these on, just in case. And if you feel any sensation of heat or impending explosion,
23 just shut your eyes and think of wallpaper. Got it? Everybody ready? Welcome to the Emerald City!
THE GATES ARE OPENED. THE COMPANIONS ARE AWED. THEY LOOK OUT AT THE AUDIENCE WHO ARE NOW THE CITIZENS OF THE EMERALD CITY
DOROTHY, TIN MAN, SCARECROW & LION Wow....
SCARECROW Look at how green everything is!
TIN MAN Green buildings, green windows.
DOROTHY Green people!
LION Green ice cream and green popcorn.
DOROTHY And they're buying it with green pennies.
TIN MAN HAS APPROACHED AN AUDIENCE MEMBER THAT IS NOT IN A GREEN SHIRT.
TIN MAN Pardon me, I just have to say, that your shirt is the most beautiful shade of green I have ever seen. It brings out your green eyes. And green hair. Looking good.
SCARECROW Wow! Even the leaves are green!
LION Leaves are always green.
SCARECROW Oh yeah.
GUARD RE-ENTERS, OZ'S CHAMBER HAS BEEN SET UP BEHIND HER. SHE APPROACHES THE COMPANIONS.
GUARD Hey, you wanted to see the wizard?
DOROTHY Yes, more than anything.
24 GUARD Looks like it's your lucky day, because he wants to see you. But be warned, Oz is a master of disguise,a prince of illusion, a wizard of infinite power and bottomless rage. So if you're just here to waste his time, you'd better turn around now. You got it?
DOROTHY We get it.
GUARD Good. THEY ALL LINK ARMS AND STEP FORWARD.
GUARD Not so fast, kids. One at a time.
LION Not it.
SCARECROW You'd have to be out of your mind to go first, but I don't have a mind at all, so here goes.
HE ENTERS THE CHAMBER, EXITING THE SCENE.
TIN MAN I don't have a good feeling about this.
LION Me neither. I can't bear to even think about it. SHE CUPS HER HAND AND PRESSES HER EAR AGAINST THE CHAMBER DOOR.
DOROTHY If you can't bear to think about it, why are you listening in?
LION I don't want to miss anything. Oh, I think I hear footsteps.
THE SCARECROW ENTERS, STUNNED
DOROTHY What happened?
TIN MAN Was he huge?
25 LION Was he scary?
SCARECROW Actually he was a she. And she was gorgeous. But mean. Like really mean.
LION What? Oz is a gorgeous woman?
SCARECROW Oz is a wizard. Oz can be whatever Oz wants to be. I don't know how wizards work. I don't know how anything works. I still don't have any brains.
TIN MAN Here, I'll go next. Maybe if I can get my heart, I can help the wizard find some compassion.
SCARECROW Compassion? Good luck.
TIN MAN You never know. They say all ladies are kindly hearted.
LION Who says that?
SCARECROW He said ladies, not lions.
TIN MAN Oh come on, there's a big warm fuzzy heart in there somewhere. You and Oz both. Time to turn on the charm. TIN MAN READIES HIMSELF AND KNOCKS. Pardon me, Oz, may I come in? HE EXITS TO THE CHAMBER. Oh!
LION What? What was that?
SCARECROW I don't know.
LION Oh no! I'm afraid of the unknown!
DOROTHY Of course you are.
26 THE TIN MAN ENTERS
TIN MAN Well that was rude.
SCARECROW I told you she was mean.
TIN MAN Oz was no lady. Oz was a beast. A big, hairy horrible beast.
DOROTHY So Oz is a beautiful lady and a horrible beast?
LION That does it. I'm going in. If it's a beast, I'll roar my loudest. If it's the lady, I'll pretend to pounce, and if it's something else, I'll think of something on the fly. I'm getting my courage, and we're getting you home, Dorothy.
THE LION BOUNDS THROUGH THE DOOR.
LION All right, Oz, we've had enough of this...eeee! THERE IS LOTS MORE SCREAMING. SHE SCREAMS AND RUNS OUT, SLAMMING THE DOOR BEHIND HER. SHE BREATHES HEAVILY, FROZEN IN FEAR.
SCARECROW How'd it go? SHE BREAKS INTO SOBS, COLLAPSING INTO THE TIN MAN'S ARMS. (brightly) That good, huh?
DOROTHY Lady or beast?
LION F...f...fireball.
SCARECROW Oof. Glad I skipped that one.
DOROTHY What about your courage?
LION I was too scared to ask.
27 SCARECROW Looks like it's up to you, now, kid.
DOROTHY SCREWS UP HER COURAGE AND STEPS IN, BRINGING US INTO OZ'S CHAMBER. THERE IS A LARGE PUPPET THEATER. WE HEAR A LOUD AND THUNDEROUS FANFARE. DOROTHY TREMBLES, TOTO WHIMPERS THERE IS A LOUD CRASH AND OZ IS REVEALED. HE IS A LARGE AND HORRIBLE HEAD. HE LOOKS OUT AT THE AUDIENCE, THEN AT DOROTHY.
OZ I am Oz, the great and terrible. Who are you?
DOROTHY Uh... I am Dorothy, the...small and meek. My friends and I have come to get your help.
OZ My help? Hahahahahaha! HE ROLLS HIS EYES BACK IN LAUGHTER, THEN SPIES HER SHOES. Where did you get those shoes?
DOROTHY From the Wicked Witch of the East, sir.
OZ Really. How?
DOROTHY My house fell on her and killed her.
OZ Interesting. And what do you want from me?
DOROTHY I want to back to Kansas. I want you to send me home.
OZ Kansas?
DOROTHY Yes, back to my Aunt Em st Uncle Henry.
OZ Why should I do this for you?
28 DOROTHY Because you're strong and I'm weak. Because you are a great and terrible wizard and I'm just a helpless little girl.
OZ Helpless? I think the Witch of the East would disagree.
DOROTHY I didn't mean to, it just happened.
OZ Listen to me, little girl, I will grant your foolish wish, but only if you make it worth my while. You see, no one gets something for nothing. That's not the way the world works, not this or any other. You want me to use my magic to send you home? Then you must do something for me in return.
DOROTHY What do I do?
OZ Kill the Wicked Witch of the West! A THUNDEROUS SOUND!
DOROTHY What?
OZ You heard me. You've rid the land of one wicked witch, I want you to finish the job.
DOROTHY I couldn't. I never killed anything, not willingly. And if a powerful wizard like you couldn't do it, how do you expect me to?
OZ I do not know. Nor do I care. How you kill her is not my concern. It only matters that she is dead.
DOROTHY What about my friends? You're the only one who can help them.
OZ I owe you nothing. Until the witch dies, no one's getting anything from me. Not a brain, not a heart, not courage, and you will never see your family again. Now be gone, and don't come back until that old witch is dead.
THE PUPPET THEATER SLAMS SHUT, THE HEAD VANISHES. DOROTHY COLLAPSES IN TEARS. THE TIN MAN, SCARECROW, AND LION ENTER.
29 TIN MAN Oh, Dorothy, what happened?
SCARECROW Is he gonna send you back to Kansas?
LION You idiot, does it look like she's going back to Kansas?
DOROTHY It was terrible, just terrible. The wizard says he will never send me back, unless I kill the Wicked Witch of the West.
TIN MAN How awful! I can't stand the thought of us harming someone, even if they are a witch
SCARECROW Surely you can reason with him.
DOROTHY There is no him to reason with. Oz wasn't a man at all, he's a huge, horrible head.
TIN MAN A head? Just a head?
DOROTHY Uh huh.
LION That is the grossest and most terrifying thing I've ever heard.
DOROTHY You're telling me.
LION What do we do now? How am I going to get my courage?
TIN MAN And my heart?
SCARECROW And my heart?
TIN MAN Brain.
30 SCARECROW Right, brain.
TIN MAN And, we have to get you back to Kansas. What do we do now?
DOROTHY I think... we head West.
THEY LOOK TO ONE ANOTHER AND NOD, THEN WALK BACK DOWN THE ROAD.
SCENE 6 – THE SEARCH FOR THE WICKED WITCH
WITH A LOUD CACKLE, THE WICKED WITCH OF THE WEST ANNOUNCES HER ENTRANCE. SHE CARRIES AN UMBRELLA.
WITCH OF THE WEST What's all this I've been hearing about intruders in my territory? Who would be stupid enough to invade Winkie country? Don't tell me Oz got out of his emerald tower and actually got his hands dirty for a change. Let me take a look. SHE TAKES OUT A SPYGLASS AND HOLDS IT UP TO HER EYEPATCH. See? What'd I tell you, nothing. Oh wait a second. SHE HOLDS THE SPYGLASS UP TO HER OTHER EYE. Well, well well. That's your raiding party – a tin can, a bag of straw, a kitty cat and a child? Ha! I guess the Wizard of Blah has gotten careless in his old age. But wait, what is that brat wearing on her feet!? The nerve! Let's dispatch them, shall we? Who wants to be a little wicked today? THE AUXILARY PUPPETEERS HELP COACH THE AUDIENCE TO BECOME THE WITCH'S EVIL MINIONS. Where are my awful, terrible, crows? Let me hear you caw! (AUDIENCE CAWS) Good! Now, you crows, go up to the intruders and peck out their eyes! Hahaha! Come on, what are you waiting for? You aren't afraid of that scarecrow, are you? Oh, of course you are. Darn it! All right, no crows then. How about my bees? Where are my horrible deadly bees? Let me hear your terrifying buzz! (AUDIENCE BUZZES) Now go, find the strangers and sting them to death! Just, uh, steer clear of that metal one, he'd just blunt your poor stingers and leave you dead in little heaps on the ground. Double darn it. Do I really have no minions who can defend me? Wow, it's hard to find good help these days. But, no matter. Part of being a wicked witch is the power to accessorize. SHE RETRIEVES THE GOLDEN CAP. Now this is more than just a charming little hat, it's a hat with a little charm. You just gotta say the magic words. SHE PUTS ON THE HAT AND STANDS ON HER LEFT FOOT. Ep-pe, pep-pe, kak-ke! SHE STANDS ON HER RIGHT FOOT Hil-lo, hol-lo, hel-lo
31 SHE STANDS ON BOTH FEET Ziz-zy, zuz-zy, zik! WITH A LOUD RUMBLING, THE WINGED MONKEYS APPEAR! THEY SWOOP AND DIP OVER THE AUDIENCE. THEIR KING LANDS BEFORE THE WICKED WITCH.
MONKEY KING You wore the cap and said the charm. What do you want of the Winged monkeys?
WITCH OF THE WEST Ah yes, the winged monkeys! So kind of you to drop in.
MONKEY KING Oh, great it's you. You know this is it, right? No more monkey wishes.
WITCH OF THE WEST What are you talking about?
MONKEY KING Everyone who puts on the cap gets three commands, and three ONLY. This is the third and final time you can call us.
WITCH OF THE WEST Already?
MONKEY KING Oh yes.
WITCH OF THE WEST You're kidding, right? There's no way I've called you three times.
MONKEY KING First, we helped you conquer the land of the Winkies and second, we drove the Wizard's forces from your borders. Whatever cruel errand you send us on now will be your third and final command.
WITCH OF THE WEST Better make it count then. So, for my last command, you flying fleabags, go to the edge of the forest and find the four strangers who have dared to invade Winkie Country. For the stuffed man and the metal one, I don't care, but seize the lion and the little girl and bring them back to me, but take care not to lose those shoes. If you so much as scuff them, I'll pluck out your monkey feathers one by one.
MONKEY KING What should we do with the other two?
WITCH OF THE WEST Unstuff them and dent them, I don't care, just get me the beast and those shoes! Go now, fly! Fly!
THE MONKEYS TAKE TO THE SKY. SOME RETURN WITH DOROTHY AND THE
32 LION IN TOW
DOROTHY Scarecrow! Tin Man! Don't you hurt them, you awful creatures! Put me down! Put me down!
LION Oh, this is not good, definitely not good. Dorothy? Dorothy are you okay?
DOROTHY Lion! They got you, too! Are you all right?
LION Uh, I've been better. I always knew I was afraid of heights. Now I'm also afraid of falling, flying, and monkeys. I think I'm gonna be sick.
THE CAPTIVES ARE DEPOSITED. AS THE MONKEYS FLY AWAY, THE WITCH STEPS FORWARD.
WITCH OF THE WEST Good riddance, you disgusting winged windbags. Awful awful animals. Well, my little would-be invaders, how was your trip?
DOROTHY Who are you, what do you want from us?
WITCH OF THE WEST Oh, where are my manners? I am the Witch of the West, the ruler and empress of this beautiful country you were trespassing in. And now, I am your gracious host. Can I get you anything - coffee,tea, a lifetime in my dungeons?
DOROTHY We don't need anything from you.
WITCH OF THE WEST What about you, Lion? A magnificent beast like you deserves the royal treatment. Why don't you join me? You could be the head of my personal guard. You think you got the guts? SHE MOVES TOWARD THE LION WHO FLINCHES. What's the matter? Are you afraid of me? Why you're nothing but a coward. SHE SNAPS HER FINGERS AT THE LION WHO FREEZES Here, housecat, take that bucket and mop my floors with your tail. Make yourself useful for a change. Do it!
LION Yes, your wickedness.
THE LION GRABS THE BUCKET AND IT SLOSHES. THE WITCH RECOILS, HIDING
33 BEHIND HER UMBRELLA.
WITCH OF THE WEST Watch it with that thing! You'll flood the place!
DOROTHY You leave her alone! Why don't you mop your own floors?
WITCH OF THE WEST Honey, you think I have time for any of this? You try running a small dictatorship day in and day out with every whiny little Winkie from here to the dark forest coming to you with all of their problems. All I'm asking is that when I come home after a long, hard day of witchcraft, I don't have to scrub the whole castle, too. Is that too much to ask? Is it?
DOROTHY I guess not.
WITCH OF THE WEST What would you know about it?
DOROTHY I help my aunt with chores sometimes.
WITCH OF THE WEST Sometimes, really? And how many times does she have to ask you, huh? Have you ever just picked up a broom on your own accord without her nagging you over and over again?
DOROTHY Well...
WITCH OF THE WEST You children, you ungrateful children. Is it any wonder so many of us go wicked? But you'd know a little something about that, wouldn't you?
DOROTHY Me? I don't know anything about being wicked.
WITCH OF THE WEST Really? Those shoes say otherwise.
SHE SNAPS HER FINGERS, FREEZING DOROTHY.
DOROTHY Oh!
WITCH OF THE WEST All right, girly girl, let's drop the act. You may have that bubble headed witch of the North and that
34 idiot wizard snowed, but not me. I can see through your little hayseed act with the pigtails and big sad eyes. No sweet, little innocent farm girl goes around dropping houses on people and prancing around in a dead woman's slippers. Those shoes aren't the color of rubies, they're the color of blood.
So listen up, kid. You don't know who you're dealing with. This is my country. This is my castle. You give me those shoes, or I'll show you once and for all who's the baddest witch around.
LION Don't you hurt her!
WITCH OF THE WEST What are you going to do, meow at me? If you won't give me the shoes, little girl. I'll have to take them.
DOROTHY I'd like to see you try.
SHE WAVES HER UMBRELLA THREATENINGLY FOR A MOMENT, THEN STOPS.
WITCH OF THE WEST Fine, you win. The door's that way. Go ahead and leave my castle before I change my mind.
DOROTHY HEADS FOR THE DOOR, CROSSING IN FRONT OF THE WITCH, WHO TRIPS HER, MAKING ONE OF HER SHOES FALL OFF. THE WITCH GRABS IT AND LAUGHS IN TRIUMPH.
WITCH OF THE WEST You fool! That's the oldest trick in the book, the ol' Baltimore Trip-And-Grab. And you fell for it! Literally. Now give me the other shoe.
DOROTHY I won't.
WITCH OF THE WEST I'm not asking you, I'm commanding you. I hold in my hands more power than you've ever dreamed of. And I will get those shoes if I have to pry them from your cold dead feet.
SHE WIELDS HER UMBRELLA. THE LION LEAPS UP AND GETS BETWEEN THE WITCH AND DOROTHY.
LION Don't you dare!
WITCH OF THE WEST You put that bucket down, you useless furball!
THE LION PUTS THE BUCKET DOWN, TREMBLING IN FEAR.
35 LION Uh...Uh...
WITCH OF THE WEST What? What's wrong? Are you afraid of me, Lion?
LION Y-y-y-yes, but I'm not going to let you hurt my friend. You have to go through me first
SHE STANDS, TALL AND STRONG BETWEEN THE WITCH AND DOROTHY.
WITCH OF THE WEST I can do that. Ha! SHE CASTS A SPELL ON THE LION, MAKING HER DOUBLE OVER IN PAIN.
DOROTHY Oh no! Lion!
WITCH OF THE WEST Come on, kid, what good was she to you anyway?
DOROTHY She's my friend!
WITCH OF THE WEST So? The world is a hard place, and only hard people make it through. She's soft, she's weak, she's already done for. But it doesn't have to be like that. You've got potential. Come rule at my side. Let those soft weak feelings drain out of you, leaving only dry brittle power. You and me kid, we can take this whole world by storm. Like a tornado. Like a vortex, what do you say?
DOROTHY You think I've got potential?
WITCH OF THE WEST Oh yeah. A kid like you can do anything. You just need to put your mind to it. And I've got some absolutely wicked ideas for you.
DOROTHY Yeah, Well I've got ideas too.
SHE GRABS THE BUCKET OF MOP WATER AND THROWS IT OVER THE WITCH. SHE PAUSES IN HORROR, AS SHE STARTS TO MELT
WITCH OF THE WEST What have you done? What have you done?!
36 DOROTHY Oh wow.
WITCH OF THE WEST How did you know water would be the end of me?
DOROTHY Mostly a lucky guess.
WITCH OF THE WEST I knew I never should have put in hardwood floors. Let this be a lesson to you all, never mop! Oh, what a world, what a horrible, horrible world. Look out, here I go! SHE MELTS COMPLETELY, LEAVING THE SHOE BEHIND.
LION That was amazing! And disgusting.
DOROTHY Thank you for standing up for me.
LION Of course. Anything for a friend like you. THEY EMBRACE. And look, you killed another witch. You're getting really good at that.
DOROTHY Yeah. I guess I am. SHE APPROACHES WHAT WAS ONCE THE WITCH OF THE WEST AND TOUCHES THE BRANCHES LEFT BEHIND. A SINGLE WHITE FLOWER BLOOMS, PERHAPS DOROTHY PICKS IT. I don't want to do any more killing.
LION What do you want to do?
DOROTHY I want to get back to Aunt Em. I want to go home.
LION Then let's get you back. Come on, there must be something useful squirreled away around here. SHE FINDS THE GOLDEN CAP. Hey, here's a cute little hat.
DOROTHY It's got some kind of writing inside. SHE PEERS INSIDE AND STANDS ON HER LEFT FOOT. Ep-pe, pep-pe, kak-ke!
37 LION Uh, say what now.
DOROTHY STANDS ON HER RIGHT FOOT
DOROTHY Hil-lo, hol-lo, hel-lo
LION Seriously you're freaking me out.
DOROTHY STANDS ON BOTH FEET AND PUTS ON THE CAP.
DOROTHY Ziz-zy, zuz-zy, zik! A PAUSE. Huh. I guess it's just a funny hat.
WITH GREAT FANFARE, THE KING OF THE WINGED MONKEYS APPEARS
MONKEY KING Look lady, we told you, three monkey wishes, that's it! No exceptions, especially not for wicked old – oh. You.
DOROTHY Me.
MONKEY KING You are not the Wicked Witch of the West.
LION Nope. That is. SHE POINTS TO THE STICKS.
MONKEY KING Oh. My. Gorilla. You melted her?!
LION Yeah she did.
MONKEY KING Way to go! Awesome. Finally somebody melted her, who knew! So, uh, what do you want?
DOROTHY What do you mean?
38 MONKEY KING You wore the cap and said the charm. What do you command of the winged monkeys?
DOROTHY I get to command you?
MONKEY KING Three times. It comes with the hat.
LION That is a very cool hat.
DOROTHY But I don't understand, why do you have to listen to whoever wears this hat?
MONKEY KING It's a curse. See, when my grandfather was the Monkey King he dropped a prince into a river on his wedding day.
LION Did he drown?
MONKEY KING No, but his very beautiful, very expensive silk clothes were completely ruined. And his wife-to-be was a bit of a Bride-zilla, and an extremely powerful sorceress specializing in magical hats.
LION Oops.
MONKEY KING Yeah, you're telling me. So now, we are bound in service to this cap and its ridiculous charm.
DOROTHY Will you ever be free?
MONKEY KING Not as long as somebody has that cap, but don't worry about it, really. It's not your fault, we're just glad not to be serving that wicked old witch anymore. Seriously, what can I do for you?
DOROTHY Well, we need to get back to the Emerald City, Can you bring me and my friends there?
MONKEY KING You came with the metal guy and the straw guy, too, right? Yeah, sure, we'll pick 'em up on the way, no problem. THEY GET CARRIED AWAY.
39 SCENE 7 – THE MAGIC ART OF THE GREAT HUMBUG
THE TIN MAN AND SCARECROW SIT AND WAIT.
SCARECROW Okay, I spy with my little eye, something... green.
TIN MAN Is it a tree?
SCARECROW Yes! How did you know?
TIN MAN Because you've picked tree the last SEVENTEEN times you made me play this dumb game.
SCARECROW Oh. Right. Okay, one more.
TIN MAN Great...
SCARECROW I spy with my little eye, something...flying?
TIN MAN Flying?
SCARECROW Come on, three guesses.
THE TIN MAN TURNS AND LOOKS.
TIN MAN Oh no! It's the flying monkeys, they're back!
SCARECROW Nope, two more guesses.
TIN MAN But, it looks like they're carrying something, or someone. Oh no, is it the witch?
SCARECROW Wrong, one more guess!
40 TIN MAN Oh! Look! Look! It's Dorothy and the Lion! They're safe!
SCARECROW Ding ding ding! You're really good at I Spy.
DOROTHY AND THE LION RUN IN. THEY ALL EMBRACE
TIN MAN Dorothy! Lion! I was afraid we'd never see you two again.
LION You and me both. I've never been so happy to put my arms around a big piece of metal.
SCARECROW Oh, come here you big ball of fur. And Dorothy! My goodness, I can't believe you escaped the Witch of the West.
DOROTHY We didn't just escape, we melted her.
TIN MAN Ew!
SCARECROW Awesome!
LION You know what that means? I'm really going to get my courage.
TIN MAN And me, my heart.
SCARECROW And me, some grains.
LION Brains.
SCARECROW Don't mind if I do.
DOROTHY And I get to finally go home.
TIN MAN You know, I never asked, what's it like, your home?
41 DOROTHY Well, it's not very colorful, not like here. The sun the and the wind and the rain beat down on the crops and the houses until it's all kind of the same dry gray. Everything's sort of gray, really. And flat. Everywhere you look, you can see the vast prairie stretching out around you, like a sea of grass, all the way to the edge of the sky. It's a big place, kind of an empty place.
TIN MAN It's hardly the kind of thing to set one's heart a-flutter.
DOROTHY Maybe it isn't. But, it's my home.
SCARECROW I don't understand. Why would you want to leave a beautiful place like this and go back to a dull gray place like that?
DOROTHY You don't understand. For people like me, with a heart and a brain, home means something special. No matter how beautiful another place may be, you still yearn to be back there. It's more a place, it's a feeling. It's something you know, deep inside yourself. There's no place like home.
LION Then let's get you back there.
DOROTHY Yeah. Let's go see the wizard.
THEY PUT ON THEIR GREEN GLASSES LIKE ACTION HEROES PUTTING ON THEIR SHADES, THEN TURN AND ENTER OZ'S CHAMBER, WHICH THE MONKEYS HAVE SET UP BEHIND THEM. THE PUPPET THEATER IS CLOSED.
DOROTHY We demand to see Oz the Great and Terrible!
THERE IS RUSTLING BEHIND THE THEATER
OZ (off) Uh, I am Oz the Great and Powerful. Back already?
SCARECROW You bet we are, and you owe us.
MORE RUSTLING, A MAKESHIFT PUPPET EMERGES, CLEARLY BUILT ON THE FLY
OZ Hardly! What could I, a great and powerful wizard owe to you?
42 TIN MAN You told us if we killed the Wicked Witch of the West you would grant our requests. Well, we have.
OZ Really, you did? Uh... Why should I believe you? What proof do you have of this great deed.
PERHAPS A PIECE FALLS OFF THE PUPPET, OZ PULLS IT BACK BEHIND THE THEATER.
LION We brought back her golden cap as proof that she's dead. THERE IS MORE SHUFFLING BEHIND THE PUPPET THEATER.
OZ (off) Uh...Uh...
LION Well?
AN UNLIT FIREBALL APPEARS AND A HAND HOLDING A LIGHTER. HE TRIES TO LIGHT THE FIREBALL DURING THE SPEECH.
OZ How...uh...how do I know that this cap even belongs... uh... to the Witch? Ah shoot. THE UNLIT FIREBALL VANISHES
DOROTHY Oz? Is everything okay?
OZ I am Oz the Great and Terrible and uh, everything is fine! Don't look behind uh, anything. Just stay where you are.
DOROTHY OPENS THE PUPPET THEATER REVEALING OZ, THE PUPPETEER.
OZ I am Oz! The Great and Terrible! Uh, please don't hit me.
TIN MAN What is this?
LION I don't believe it, he's a bigger coward than I am.
43 TIN MAN A heartless coward.
SCARECROW What happened to the head, and the lady, and the beast and all that?
OZ I was just making believe.
DOROTHY You aren't even a wizard are you? You sent us to a powerful witch, and you're not even a wizard?
OZ Would you mind keeping it down? I'd really rather no one else overheard.
DOROTHY You sent a child to kill a witch, what kind of a man are you?
OZ A small man, a common man.
SCARECROW You're not even that, you're a... a humbug.
OZ You're right, you're right. That's exactly what I am. Oz the Great and Terrible Humbug. I'm just a two bit puppeteer from Omaha.
DOROTHY Omaha! That's not far from Kansas.
OZ Yes, but it's a long way from here. I got blown off course in my hot air balloon and landed here in the center of town. Seeing me come from the sky, the people here assumed I was a powerful Wizard, and I found it advantageous not to correct them. So, I set up here in the palace, gave everyone green spectacles to wear. and renamed it the City of Emeralds.
TIN MAN You mean none of this is really green?
OZ No greener than any other city. It's another little humbug of mine. Harmless, really.
LION But not all your humbugs are harmless. What about the things you promised us? What about what you promised Dorothy?
44 OZ Honestly, I was so afraid of those witches, I would have promised you anything just to have you get rid of them. But now, I am ashamed to say, I cannot keep my promises.
DOROTHY You are a very bad man.
OZ Oh no, my dear. I'm really a very good man. But I'm a very bad wizard.
SCARECROW Can you still give me cranes?
LION Brains.
SCARECROW Yeah, those.
OZ You don't need them. You are learning something every day. A baby has brains, what you need is experience.
SCARECROW Okay, that's great and all, but I was really expecting something more tangible.
OZ Ah. Okay. Uh, here. HE DIGS AROUND AND FINDS WHAT HE NEEDS. Here is some bran, and I'll put some pins in it to keep you nice and sharp. Now, bring your head over here and I'll just stuff it in. There. You should be a new man. A new man with bran-new brains.
SCARECROW Bran-new brains... I get it! It's a pun! It works! It works!
LION What about my courage?
OZ There is no living thing that is not afraid when it faces danger, what you need is confidence. True courage is facing danger when you are afraid, and this I know you have already. But, I can tell by your face that this isn't what you had in mind. Let me see. HE REACHES INTO HIS POCKET AND PULLS OUT A FLASK. Here. Liquid courage! Mind you, it's only courage when it's inside you, so now it's just uh, something else. Here, take a good long swig. THE LION DOES. How do you feel?
45 LION Braver. Stronger. Regal.
OZ And now for your heart, are you really sure you want one? It makes most people unhappy, you're probably lucky to avoid it.
TIN MAN All the same, I think it's worth the risk.
OZ Good man, 'tis better to have loved and lost after all. HE PULLS SOMETHING HEART SHAPED OUT OF HIS STASH. HE AFFIXES IT TO THE TIN MAN'S ARM. Here, you can wear this on your sleeve.
TIN MAN Is it a kind heart?
OZ The softest and tenderest I ever knew. Treat it with care, because like all hearts, it can be broken.
THE FRIENDS ADMIRE THEIR NEW GIFTS.
LION Now it's Dorothy's turn!
TIN MAN Yeah, what have you got back here for her?
DOROTHY I don't think a humbug is going to work on me.
A MOMENT OF SADNESS.
SCARECROW You don't happen to have a spare cyclone back there, do you?
OZ What?
SCARECROW That's what carried her over, maybe it can carry her back.
OZ Now there's an idea.
46 SCARECROW Really? Good job, new brain!
OZ I don't have any tornadoes, my stuffed friend, but...I do have silk.
DOROTHY Silk?
OZ Yes, to make another balloon.
SCARECROW Now that's a good idea.
OZ Come on, let's get to work!
THEY EXIT. MUSIC MARKS THE PASSAGE OF TIME.
SCENE 8 – HOW THE BALLOON WAS LAUNCHED
LATER, DOROTHY ENTERS, CARRYING A PIECE OF FABRIC. SHE MEETS OZ
DOROTHY Got another piece!
OZ Perfect, that should be enough to finish the casing, bring it to the platform right away.
DOROTHY EXITS, THE SCARECROW ENTERS.
SCARECROW It's really coming together, Mr. Oz.
OZ Yes, I'm a bit surprised actually. I didn't know I could do any real work.
SCARECROW It's astounding what you can accomplish when you try.
OZ You know, have you ever considered a position in politics?
47 SCARECROW Me? Really?
OZ Yeah, someone's got to take over this town when I'm gone, and you might be just the stuffed shirt they need. Think about it. Oh, that's the signal. I'd better get ready to launch. Sir, it's been a pleasure. THEY SHAKE HANDS, OZ EXITS. THE TIN MAN AND LION ENTER.
TIN MAN I can't believe she's already leaving.
LION Don't you get started again. The oil can's almost out.
TIN MAN I can't help it. The new heart is working overtime. I'm just going to miss her so much.
SCARECROW You don't have to miss her too much, here she comes.
DOROTHY ENTERS.
DOROTHY Have you seen Toto?
LION What are you doing? Why aren't you on the balloon?
DOROTHY I can't find him anywhere! I'm not leaving without him.
IN THE DISTANCE, WE HEAR THE MUSIC STRIKE UP FOR OZ'S BIG LAUNCH.
SCARECROW That's the cue! You don't have much time.
DOROTHY Toto! Toto!
SHE HEARS HIM BARK IN THE OPPOSITE DIRECTION OF THE BALLOON AND RUSHES OFF AFTER HIM..
TIN MAN She's not going to make it. HE TURNS TOWARD THE BALLOON Wait! Wait! She needs more time!
48 LION She's coming back.
DOROTHY RE-ENTERS, TOTO IN HER ARMS. SHE RUNS TO THE BALLOON, CALLING OUT, BUT IT IS TOO LATE, WE SEE THE BALLOON TAKE OFF BEFORE DOROTHY CAN MAKE IT.
OZ I'm sorry! The wind waits for no one! Goodbye Dorothy! Goodbye.
HE'S GONE. DOROTHY IS DEVASTATED.
DOROTHY I'm never going to see my aunt and uncle again, am I? I'm never going to go home.
SCARECROW Maybe you can stay here with us in the Emerald City.
DOROTHY But what about Aunt Em? She'll be worried sick.
LION Don't give up, we'll find a way to bring you home yet.
TIN MAN But how? The wizard is gone, and he wasn't even a real wizard.
SCARECROW The wizard may be gone, but there's still a witch we haven't seen.
DOROTHY Glinda! The witch of the South! Of course. The winged monkeys can take me there.
LION You? You mean us.
TIN MAN Yeah, we're a team.
SCARECROW We're with you all the way, Dorothy.
DOROTHY C'mon! Let's go get some monkeys.
THE RUSH OFF.
49 SCENE 9 – GLINDA GRANT DOROTHY'S WITCH
THE COMPANIONS ENTER GLINDA'S TERRITORY, WAVING GOODBYE TO THE MONKEYS.
TIN MAN Goodbye! Thank you monkeys! They really are nice guys, once you get to know them.
LION Where can we find this witch?
DOROTHY Probably over there.
ANOTHER GUARD IS PROTECTING GLINDA'S CHAMBERS.
SCARECROW Great, another guard.
LION Let me handle this one. SHE APPROACHES. Listen up, we don't need any of your sass or your smart remarks, we just need to see the Witch of the South right now and we aren't taking no for an answer.
GLINDA GUARD Well look at you getting all worked up over nothing in the heat of the day. Ya'll ain't from around here, are you?
TIN MAN No, we really aren't.
GLINDA GUARD Well, things go a little differently down South. Why don't ya'll come on in? We got some sweet tea, some Co-cola, whatever you want, we got it. Just set down and rest for a spell, I'll get the witch of the house. Hoo-oo Miss Glinda! Ya'll got some company.
GLINDA , THE WITCH OF THE SOUTH, APPEARS. HER GUARD EXITS.
GLINDA Oh my stars and garters, visitors!
DOROTHY You're Glinda? You look awfully familiar.
50 GLINDA Ah, you may have come across my sister, the Good Witch of the North. She's well meaning, but pushy, and just between you and me, not the sharpest knife in the drawer, bless her heart. Some people say we bear a passing resemblance...
DOROTHY Well...
GLINDA And I have those people run out on a rail. Let's leave that Yankee witch be. Got it?
DOROTHY Of course.
GLINDA So! What are y' all doing in my neck of the woods?
DOROTHY Glinda, ma'am...
GLINDA Oh don't you ma'am me, we're family here.
DOROTHY That's just it. My family is in Kansas, and I don't know how to get back to them. Please, can you help me find a way home?
GLINDA Hmm. I believe I may be able to help you. But first, may I borrow that fine golden cap of yours?
DOROTHY Of course! Although, you know, it's not an ordinary cap.
GLINDA Oh, I know. I was at that wedding. Hoo-ee, 'talk about drama! Now let me see. SHE PUTS ON THE HAT AND STANDS ON HER LEFT FOOT. Ep-pe, pep-pe, kak-ke! SHE STANDS ON HER RIGHT FOOT Hil-lo, hol-lo, hel-lo SHE STANDS ON BOTH FEET Ziz-zy, zuz-zy, zik!
THE KING OF THE MONKEYS APPEARS.
MONKEY KING You wore the cap and said the charm. What do you command of the winged monkeys?
51 GLINDA Well hey there flyin' monkeys! I should get three commands, right? How about I tell you all of them up front, and you can do 'em anytime you'd like, agreed?
MONKEY KING Works for me.
GLINDA Good, now Mr. Scarecrow, where would you like to end up at the end of the day?
SCARECROW Hmm. I think I'd like to go back to the Emerald City and oversee it now that the wizard is gone.
GLINDA Fine. Monkeys, for my first command, I would like you to take Mr. Scarecrow here back to the Emerald City.
MONKEY KING That we can do.
GLINDA Good. Now Mr. Tin Man, where would you like to go?
TIN MAN Now that I have a heart, I'd like to go back to my sweet munchkin fiancee and beg her to take me back.
GLINDA How precious! Monkeys, for my second command, I would like you to take this Tin Man back to his lady love.
MONKEY KING Absolutely.
GLINDA And Ms. Lion, same question. Where is home for you?
LION The forest to the East of the Emerald City, Miss Glinda. I think I finally have the courage to face the folks back home and take my rightful place on the throne.
GLINDA Monkeys, for my third and final command, I'd like you to take this proud and regal Lionness back to her realm where she can reign as Queen of the Jungle.
MONKEY KING It would be my pleasure. Now, your commands are complete. But, Dorothy, I think you still have one
52 wish left.
DOROTHY I do. And as my last wish, I command you to take this golden cap for yourself and with it, be your own monkeys.
MONKEY KING You mean it?
DOROTHY I do, I think you've been punished enough.
THE MONKEY KING HUGS DOROTHY.
MONKEY KING Thank you. Thank you a hundred times over. I will ready my monkey army to return your friends home. But, I'll give you some time to say goodbye.
HE EXITS.
GLINDA So that takes care of your friends, now to get you home. Look down, darlin, what do you see?
DOROTHY The ground?
GLINDA On your feet.
DOROTHY These shoes?
GLINDA You bet. Those are among the most powerful magical artifacts in the whole land of Oz. They can carry you over the deadly desert and all the way back to Kansas with just three taps of your heel.
DOROTHY Really?
GLINDA Yes! You could have sent yourself home the first day you came here, if only you'd known.
SCARECROW Oh no! Then I'd still be stuck in the cornfield in Munchkin-land, with no brains in my head and a pole up my back.
53 TIN MAN I'd still be rusted stiff in the middle of the woods.
LION And I'd be cowering in the jungle, scared of my own shadow.
DOROTHY Of course. I'm so grateful for everything. All of it, good or bad, led me to you, my friends. I am going to miss you all so much. I can't believe I'll never see you again.
GLINDA Now hold on, no one ever said such a thing, did they?
DOROTHY What do you mean?
GLINDA The magic isn't just in those shoes, darlin'. It's all around you.
DOROTHY But Kansas isn't like Oz. It's civilized, there's no magic left.
GLINDA Our worlds are not so different, yours and mine. Though your path may not be paved with yellow brick, the journey is the same. Just remember, be clever, be kind, be brave, and never forget your friends. I promise you, Dorothy, you will always see magic around you, as long as you remember to look for it.
GLINDA KISSES DOROTHY ON THE FOREHEAD.
DOROTHY Thank you. You're the nicest witch I ever met.
GLINDA It's just my Southern charm, darlin'. Now, you go on back to Kansas now, and say hey to your folks.
DOROTHY Thank you, thank you all. For everything. THEY ALL EMBRACE.
DOROTHY STANDS APART.
DOROTHY All right, shoes. Take me home to Aunt Em! There's no place like home. SHE TAPS HER HEELS TOGETHER THREE TIMES, AND THE REST OF OZ VANISHES.
GLINDA Ya'll come back now, ya hear? Bye bye!
54 AUNT EM CALLS FROM ACROSS THE WAY.
AUNT EM Dorothy? Dorothy! Are you out here?
DOROTHY OPENS HER EYES.
DOROTHY Aunt Em. AUNT EM!
SHE RUNS TO HER AND THEY EMBRACE ONE ANOTHER.
AUNT EM There you are! We've been looking all over!
DOROTHY I'm sorry, I didn't mean to worry you. And I'm sorry for all the other stuff, too. I'm really going to try Aunt Em.I know it hasn't been easy—
AUNT EM I know. Don't you worry about it, Dorothy. I'm just happy you're here and safe. Where on earth have you been?
DOROTHY Oz! I've been in Oz, Aunt Em. With witches and wizards and munchkins and monkeys.
AUNT EM Monkeys? What are you talking about, child? Your imagination must be running away with you again.
DOROTHY Yes. Right down the yellow brick road.
AUNT EM Yellow brick road?
DOROTHY Can't you just see it Aunt Em? It cuts right through the center of the country, past the Tin Man and his lady love, past the Lion on her mighty throne, past the deadly poppy fields, all the way to the Scarecrow's palace in the City of Emeralds.
AUNT EM The City of Emeralds? My goodness.
DOROTHY It's not really emerald, though. You just wear green colored glasses, it's a clever little humbug don't you think?
55 AUNT EM Really Dorothy, I don't know what to think.
DOROTHY Don't worry about that, just look. Try to look beyond, behind what you know. There can be magic anywhere Aunt Em. You just need to look for it.
AUNT EM My eyes aren't as young as yours, dear. I don't think I can see things like that anymore.
DOROTHY Then close them.
DOROTHY LOOKS OUT TO SEE THE CHARACTERS AND PUPPETS MAKE ONE LAST FLEETING APPEARANCE. THE LION GIVES A REGAL BOW. THE TIN MAN WIPES AWAY A TEAR. THE SCARECROW TIPS HIS HAT. OZ FLIES BY ON HIS BALLOON AND A FLYING MONKEY WHEELS OVERHEAD.
AUNT EM Oh my.
DOROTHY Aunt Em, do you see it?
AUNT EM Dorothy, it's wonderful..
DOROTHY EXTENDS HER HAND AND AUNT EM TAKES IT. TOGETHER THEY WALK DOWN THE YELLOW BRICK ROAD, HAND IN HAND.
THE END.
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