NATIONAL DAY OF STUDENT PROTEST AS STUDENT ANGER BUILDS Photos and reportingg from the frontline of the student demonstrations: Pageg 8 “Keep“Keep the Cat FreeFree”” ISSUE 1475
26.11.10 ELIX Thee studentF vvoiceoice ooff Imperial CCollegeollege LLondonondon since 1919494
Survey shows ART concern over debt
Majority of students would be discouraged from attending university by a rise in tuition fees says Union Higher Education Survey: Page 4
Challenges for Homegrown science in media playwright talent
The need for scientists to com- Page 26 municate their ideas effective- ly is as pressing as ever but what are the challenges that face researchers?: Page 5 MUSIC Fairtrade fuss over cotton
As Imperial rushes to renew its Fairtrade status, Felix asks, if METRIC OPENS ‘being Fairtrade’ meant paying much more for Union branded Felix compares your Union with others: Page 2 hoodies, would you turn away from the cause?: Page 11 Photos from the huge fi rst night at Metric: Page 6 Gloomy blues with Gil Scott-Heron Page 29 Israeli newspaper slams Justice Week as ‘anti-Western’ FILM Concerns voiced about choice of speakers at Islamic Society events
Ben Scally at ISoc as an opportunity to “educate controversial speakers. for Social Cohesion, which has come ourselves about some of the injustices The article in The Jerusalem Post under fi re in the past from the National The Israeli newspaper The Jerusalem found in the world and show what we as (JP) includes claims made about Jus- Assembly Against Racism and NUS Post attacked Imperial College Islamic individuals can do about them”. Sched- tice Week from Douglas Murray, the Black Students Campaign. He said, “If Tarantino: style over Society on Monday, publishing an ar- uled events include talks on exploitation neo-conservative commentator who you were a student at Imperial College ticle entitled “UK university hosts ‘anti- of the 3rd world, Guantanamo bay im- featured as a panelist on Question Time looking to learn about injustices in the substance? west’ week under ‘justice’ guise”. Jus- prisonment and a screening of the latest earlier this month. Murray is also direc- world you might have expected to learn tice Week is described by its organizers Michael Moore fi lm; but will also stage tor of the right wing think-tank, Center ...Continued on page 10 Page 31 2 Friday 26 November 2010 FELIX HIGHLIGHTS On campus EDITOR’S PICK Union Notice World AIDS Day 80’s Night President’s Surgery SUR - Hindu Society Wednesday. 20:00-01:00 This is your chance to get creative on a big scale. Student Hub At SUR, you can produce your own Indian show in an intensive 12 hour workshop! You’ll get taught the Thursday 2 December 12:30-14:00 fundamentals of Indian dance, music and drama, then you’ll be let loose to create your own show. To Got an issue with the Union? Alex register, contact Ashni Pau ([email protected]). Kendall, the President, is all ears SAF, To be accessible and accountable to students, 5 December 09:00-21:00 Alex Kendall, the Union President, will hold weekly surgeries where you can come and ask or talk about anything, from academic or welfare issues to questions about the bars, nightclub, clubs & Tug of War! societies or upcoming elections and Union politics. The next one is being held in the Student Hub, Come along and get in- which is located on Floor 2M in the Union Building. volved, or simply stand He likes questions, apparently. So ask away. back and laugh at them, as the Scientists battle the Engineers in the an- nual Chemistry vs. Civil Engineering Tug-of-War, Lolcat of teh week then join in the ensuing bar night. Prince’s Gardens 2 December 18:30-23:00 Postgrad Winter Mingle
As part of the Students Stop AIDS cam- paign, Medsin Imperial collaborates with IC RAG to host 80’s Night @ Metric on Wednesday December 1st, in commemo- The Postgrad Winter Mingle looks set to be an amazing night, with live acts from BBC Radio 1 Aled ration of World AIDS Day 2010. Get your Haydn Jones, All About Flux, and more. And all for only £5 online, or £7 on the door. entry and drinks wristband for only £7, re- trieve those old dancing shoes and groove Room 408, EEE Building to the 80’s vibe. And don’t forget that 24 November 17:30-18:30 you’re partying it out for a great cause!
Felix, Beit Quad, Prince Consort Road, London SW7 2BB. Email: [email protected]. Tel: 020 7594 8072. Fax: 020 7594 8065. Printed by The Harmsworth Printing Ltd, Northcliffe House, Meadow Road, Derby. Registered newspaper ISSN 1040-0711. FELIX Copyright © Felix 2010. Editor-in-Chief Kadhim Shubber Deputy Editor Gilead Amit Copy Chief Lizzy Griffiths Assistant Editor Dan Wan News Editors Alex Karapetian Matt Colvin Layout/Design Editor Veronika McQuadeova Features Editor Lizzie Crouch Sports Editors Jovan Nedic David Wilson Science Editors Katya-yani Vyas James Goldsack Business Editors Sina Ataherian Afonso Campos Politics Editors Hassan Joudi James Lees Rory Fenton Rajat Jain Technology Editor Samuel Gibbs Comment Editor Anna Perman Arts Editor Rox Middleton Music Editors Greg Power Christopher Walmsley Luke Turner Film Editors Matt Allinson Jade Hoffman Ed Knock Food Editor Dana Li Fashion Editor Saskia Verhagen Games Editor Simon Worthington Online Editors Niharika Midha Ravi Pall Chris Birkett International Editor Kenneth Lee Puzzles Captains Polly Bennett James Hook Aman Nahar Photo Editor Thomas Welch Travel Editors Dylan Lowe Chris Richardson Copy Editors Alex Nowbar Hannah Thomas Kai Li Loh Ayyub Kamaludin Shruti Mishra, Sophie Lambrakis
Special Thanks: Dan Wan, Miles Robertson, David Wilson, Ben Scally, Pete Davies FELIX Friday 26 NOVEMBER 2010 3 NEWS ith the £2.5 million vestigate just what draws students renovation of the to rival establishments and whether Union’s entertain- other London universities have got ment venues fi nally the upper hand, or if Imperial Col- HOW DOES OUR complete, the overall lege Union has spent its money in studentW response is one of enthu- all the right places. siasm - but how does the newly re- Reporting by Matt Colvin and Alex furbished FiveSixEight bar stand up Karapetian against other student union bars Illustrations by Veronika McQuad- UNION COMPARE? across London? Felix set out to in- eova Imperial – FiveSixEightBEER The Kriss Akabusi SOAS – £2.60 Pleasure Lounge – UCL Kings – £2.50 ULU – £2.40 S K LSE – £2.10 UL UCL –£2.00 L Imperial – £2.00 UC I
Student opinions The price of beer in FiveSixEight is one of the The UCL bar is much larger than Imperial’s but Student opinions cheapest compared to other Unions. For wine this ruins the atmosphere when less full. A less There is “a good selection of beers” and the bar and shots the prices are of comparable price to robust entertainment program than FiveSixEight Two UCL 3rd years were less than impressed “functions quite well and the drinks are cheap others. The design and quality of the bar was far promises discounted drinks on certain nights, with the “absurdly expensive ales”. They said that enough”. Some criticisms were that the layout beyond any other university, but that’s what you with some selected drinks being as low as £1 FiveSixEight would have to be made of gold for it “prevents more people sitting and having drinks”. get when you spend £2.5 million. alongside such deals as 4 pint pitchers for £4. to be worth the long trip” to South Kensington.
SOAS - SOAS Bar WINE The Duck and Dive – ULU SOAS – £2.20 Kings – £2.50 ULU – £1.80 K S LSE – £2.40 I UL L UCL – £1.50 UC Imperial – £1.90
Student opinions SOAS’ bar is casual to the extreme, resembling One of ULU’s student union bars, The Duck & Student opinions a backpacker hostel if anything. Two pool tables Dive has a professional look and numerous televi- An anthropolgy PhD student said that the bar was were in full use by students and there was even a sion screens showing sports. There were deals on We gained an positive overall impression about “awesome and cheap”, explaining that friendly bar microwave for students to use. In terms of events, food, with 2 burgers available for £6 on Tuesdays the bar from the students with one masters stu- staff, dressed in casual wear rather than uniforms, SOAS does not provide a great deal in the bar it- and Thursdays. There is a strong lineup of daily dent telling us she came to the bar every day and helped contribute towards a more relaxed bar. self, with a quiz night the main regular highlight. events with a focus on reduced alcohol prices. that she “wouldn’t change a thing”.
LSE - The Three Tuns SHOTS Tutu’s – King’s College SOAS – £2.20 Kings – £2.50 K ULU – £1.80 S LSE – £1.90 UL I Imperial – 1.80
Student opinions This was the biggest disappointment. The entire Similar in taste to Imperial’s Eastside Bar, Tutu’s Student opinions room was completely devoid of anyone by 10pm has a fantastic view of London’s skyline across There were few positive comments about Crush. and last orders were called before 10:30pm. LSE the river. With a separate website for events, the A group of SOAS Freshers said that it was “amaz- One student said, “it’s terrible.” The students also often holds popular student nights in its bars Union attracts popular comedians and perform- ing” and that they would “come back often”. Upon commented that they often visit King’s College such as Crush or Candybox, alongside comedy ers. Entry for club nights is often £3 but for more hearing of Imperial College Union’s new renova- Union due to its close proximity. nights for just £3 compared with UCL’s £8 entry. prominent acts entry goes as high as £16. tion, they expressed interest in visiting. 4 Friday 26 NOVEMBER 2010 FELIX
News Editors: Matt Colvin Alex Karapetian NEWS [email protected] In brief Discouraged by higher fees BP Refi ning Chief Exec delivers Newitt Lecture Results show majority of Imperial students would be dis- Photo by Jacky Kwan couraged from university by £10,000 tuition fees
Illustrations by Veronika McQuadeova Priyantha Kulatilake
With protests going on up and down the coun- The results try, there is a great deal of anger about the gov- ernment’s plans for higher education. Almost all of us will be leaving university with some debt, however this debt did not deter us from coming to Imperial in the fi rst place. However a Union survey has shown that Imperial stu- dents are just as concerned by debt and rising fees as other students in the U.K. In light of the Union’s support for the Browne Review and the government’s proposals, is it being truly representative of the majority of Imperial stu- dents? Chances are, that during your GCSE’s or A- Level’s, university tuition fees was not a deal 78.9% disagree with a graduate tax model breaker in your decision to go to university. However it is something we all think about at some point, whether it is “How will I pay it back?” “Where will the money come from?” “How long will I be paying it back for?” we are all in the same boat. Right now for a three- 86.5% year course as a home student total tuition fees equal £9,870, if fees increased, a total of al- disagree that most £30,000 would need to be paid back by the student. For many students, this cost is universities now an issue in deciding in whether going to should be able university is feasible. In the recent study car- ried out by Imperial before the Browne Re- to charge what view was released, 9.3% of Imperial students said that they felt they should have no debt on they want i.e. leaving university. 31.3%, the largest propor- tion, of students felt a debt of £10,000-£20,000 Only 5.3% believe that support a cap was reasonable. But only 5.3% thought debts above £30,000 would be reasonable. Under leaving university with on fees Iain Conn, the Group Managing Director and Chief the government’s new system, a student on a Executive of Refi ning and Marketing for BP deliv- four-year course at Imperial would likely leave more than £30,000 in ered this year’s Newitt Lecture to a packed Chemi- with £36,000 debt. It is therefore clear that al- cal Engineering Lecture Theatre on Tuesday 16th though the vast majority of students agree that debt is reasonable November. Iain is a former student of the college, they should contribute somewhat to the fund- graduating in Chemical Engineering in 1985 and ing of their course (78.9% agreed that they was introduced to the students by Deputy Rector should contribute), they have strong reserva- Prof. Stephen Richardson who was his personal tu- tions about the amount that they should have tor during his time at Imperial. to contribute. “It is clear that students When asked whether an increase in fees The lecture covered a broad range of energy is- Union President Alex Kendall agreed that would discourage them from attending uni- sues from the current BP view of world energy mar- students “are worried about debt and it’s some- are more concerned versity, two-thirds of students agreed that it kets to the pathways to lower carbon energy tech- thing that we defi nitely need to tackle. we need would. However the data does not specify nologies of the future. to make an effort to translate the reality to stu- that previously thought. what size increase would deter students. Of In addressing the recent BP problems in the Gulf dents it’s not the same as a normal debt. it’s not the third that said that they wouldn’t be dis- of Mexico, Iain shared his views on the likely impact like credit card debt. it’s the cost of a degree The data challenges couraged by higher fees in general, 54% still on the engineering and politics of future large en- and somebody in the end has to pay for it.” the assumption that said that they would be discouraged by tuition ergy projects. Furthermore students overwhelmingly re- fees of up to £10,000. President Alex Kend- As a senior member of BP’s management team, jected the idea of removing the caps on tuition Imperial students don’t all attempted to re-assure students saying, Iain spends time liaising with governments on ener- fees, i.e. allowing universities to charge what- “the headline fee does include anything about gy policy and he gave students a fascinating insight ever they want for degrees. 86.5% of students care about the rise in bursaries or the fact that unless you go into a in to the wider role of engineers in an increasingly taking part in the study said they were against high-paying job, you won’t have to pay back complex energy world. After delivering his talk, Iain the idea of an uncapped funding model which fees proposed by the all that you owe.” presented three awards to departmental graduate the Browne Review recommended and Impe- It is clear that students are more concerned students Mahdi Sharifzadeh, Yiyun (Jessy) Zeng and rial College Union supports. A similarly large government” about the current higher education situation Fausto Ciotta, recognizing their research achieve- proportion of students, 78.9%, said they were that previously thought. Given that fees at ments then joined staff and students for refresh- against the graduate tax idea which is advo- Imperial are almost certainly going to rise to ments before leaving immediately to fl y to the USA. cated by the N.U.S. and also the Labour leader incentive to develop. It is also worse for poorer £9,000 if the government’s plans are enacted, Ian Swords Ed Miliband. Alex Kendall commented, “The graduates because you have to start paying it the assumption that Imperial students won’t graduate tax model doesn’t link money to uni- immediately, not at £21,000 like the govern- be affected by the changes or don’t care about versities and doesn’t give the universities an ment’s model.” them is certainly challenged by the fi ndings. FELIX Friday 26 November 2010 5 NEWS Celebrating science in media An evening of awards and discussion on the challenge of communication science
Photo by Lizzie Crouch Lizzie Crouch Andrew Millington explained that one of the objectives of the evening was in On Monday the Public Awareness of fact to highlight the potential for sci- Science and Engineering organisation, ence in TV drama. He explained that it PAWS, held The European Science TV is currently an area which is massively and New Media Awards Evening at the underrepresented. Drama is classed un- prestigious Institute of Engineering and der arts, and this label automatically im- Technology (IET). A fitting location to plies a socially imposed separation from celebrate science in the media, as the science and technology. Where science IET was once home to the BBC many has featured in drama previously, it has years ago! This is the first year which mainly taken the form of science fiction. has seen the celebration of science in TV Andrew explained that “science fiction and New Media throughout Europe. The was born in an era where science wasn’t awards recognised a variety of countries so dominant,” and now that ‘real’ sci- for documentaries, general program- ence is much more dominant it might be ming and new media, as well as more easier to incorporate. However, it is still unusual categories such as science in TV a massive challenge for writers. Andrew drama. gave an example of a BBC drama writer The evening was a celebration of sci- who had explained the depth of research ence in media, but highlighted some he had to do. “It took him four years, important points that those involved from starting research right up to the end in science at Imperial should take note of the production.” of. Susan Rae, voice of Radio 4’s news I suggested that people are scared of facilitated the evening and highlighted taking on that challenge. Andrew agreed that the awards were presented to those strongly, “From two points of view. who “bring daunting science and tech- Firstly, writers don’t think the commis- nology to light.” This was echoed by Dr sioners will respond to it and two be- Mike Short, Director of the IET. He not- cause they themselves have got to do a ed that over the last two decades science lot of work for which initially they don’t have developed at a phenomenal rate, get paid. So there are several barriers to to the point where people cannot keep overcome. We find almost all arts peo- up. There is always a constant need to ple recognise intellectually that science communicate science. But it seems that is becoming more and more dominant people from different walks of life, from From left: Andrew Cohen, Professor Ann Dowling, Susan Rae, Dr Tara Shears, Julian Phillips, Professor Chris Mason but they haven’t internalised it emotion- researchers to broadcasters, have vastly ally if you like.” different views on who should commu- These awards celebrating science in nicate science, and how that communi- “When budgets are being cut can research- programmes,” explained Andrew Mil- the media may be one step in addressing cation should take place. lington, director of the awards. “There science’s separation from society, but Professor Ann Dowling, from the Uni- ers really fi nd the time to increase their dia- is a big gender issue that needs to be there are others. I wrote recently about versity of Cambridge and keynote speak- addressed. If you do comparisons with the phenomenon that is Zooniverse, a er of the evening, highlighted the impor- logue with the public, and do it in a number other countries, for example in Italy citizen science project which invites tance of science in society. “Choices there are? 42%, or about that, of phys- the public to participate in scientific re- [about science and technology] are too of different ways?” ics undergraduates that are women. search online. Julian Phillips mentioned important to leave to engineers and sci- That’s well above what that is [in the that projects such as this could be a way entists alone.” She emphasised the need that earlier this year “[science broad- ther directly or through media outlets. UK]. There were three reasons that were of enticing the lay public’s interest but for more dialogue between scientists and casting] started to get noticed in a way However, this push is coming from identified. One of them is that they spe- with the benefit of generating actual the public, and suggested that increased that [the BBC] were not used to.” This broadcasters and large organisations, cialise later [at school], at 19. Two is scientific data; Zooniverse has over a objectivity could be obtained on science was heavily linked in with the public’s not the researchers themselves. When that physics is seen as part of culture in dozen scientific papers to its name so policies if everyone were more involved reception of the ‘Wonders of the Solar budgets are being cut and researchers Italy, going back to Gallileo, Leonardo far. The BBC is doing something similar in the decision making process. The System’ series, and the now phenom- are being forced to do even more in the and so on. And three, they get support in with LabUK, which “harnesses a huge challenge for any scientist is therefore enally popular ex D:RREAM keyboard same amount of time; can they really the home. It isn’t seen as something that audience that academics might not be to find a way to convey the complexity player and physicist Dr Brain Cox. Mr find the time to increase their dialogue a girl shouldn’t be doing. Now all those able to.” Earlier this year a Nature paper of their science without undermining Cohen praised Brian Cox with inject- with the public, and do it in a number of three things aren’t the same here and was published off the back of a huge La- the fact that they can make a consider- ing romance and emotion into science different ways? I’m a little surprised that people haven’t bUK study which famously showed that able difference to the world. Profes- broadcasting. As any researcher knows, One of the special awards at the eve- been taking an international comparison brain training games don’t work. sor Dowling maintained that “science despite a relationship with your research ning was for “the best presentation of, and worked on it.” However, as a final thought, when An- and engineering communication should that can sometimes fall rather on the or by, a woman in science and engineer- The BBC and the UK was well repre- drew Cohen was asked whether he felt remain a priority for the considerable hate side of love-hate, you would not be ing”. It is well documented that there are sented in almost all categories but nota- the pressure of representing all areas of future.” Science is undoubtedly increas- doing it unless you had strong emotions fewer women participating in science, bly absent from one; science and tech- science, he simply said, “I represent the ingly prevalent in society. Professor about the subject, so it is interesting to and that is certainly still true. This is also nology in TV drama. The representative viewers.” The aspects of science the li- Dowling’s views highlight the views of see this recognised. the case across the media, and I wonder who presented the award even highlight- cense fee payers are already interested many; that present and future scientists Mr Cohen also highlighted the im- whether we shouldn’t be doing more to ed this before presenting the award, “It’s in are the ones that get broadcast. So as, will need to find a way to communicate portance of finding different methods address this. a bit sad that the UK isn’t represented. well as finding the time and best way their science, or work with those that of communicating science to difference “I think everyone in all walks of life Why aren’t we getting more funding to introduce dialogue between the sci- can do that for them. audiences. There seems to be an over- should have certain mental objectives. and more commitment from the com- ence community and the public, it turns The second keynote speaker, Andrew whelming push to have more research- And one of them should be are there missioners [in the UK] for science and out it’s also a competition to get their Cohen, head of BBC science, noted ers communicating with the public, ei- enough women on your panels and on technology in TV drama?” attention! 6 Friday 26 NOVEMBER 2010 FELIX
News Editors: Matt Colvin Alex Karapetian NEWS [email protected] ell, fi nally Metric is at long World Aids Day last open and to answer your question, yes, it defi - nitely was worth the wait. Universities Allied for Essential A NIGHT TO The sellout opening night wasW a frenzied affair of live music and ab- Medicines launches campaign solute disbelief on the part of students at the fact that they were genuinely having a A new campaign has just been launched on campus quality night out in their own Union. by the Universities Allied for Essential Medicines The live music was a roaring success. (UAEM) group, which is an international organisation REMEMBER The bands, who sounded mediocre on aiming to improve access to essential medicines in record, were full of energy on stage. The developing countries. They hope to do this by chang- night took some time to get rolling, with ing the way the college licenses out its patents the fi rst band playing to a mostly empty concerning healthcare-related technologies, includ- room (a fact that they didn’t fail to notice, ing but not limited to therapeutic drugs. 10 million or remind everyone of constantly). Howev- people a year die from diseases that have available er by the time Citadels took to the stage cures, because of limited access to drugs. As not- The opening of the Union’s new the room had fi lled out. They took the mav- for-profi t organisations, universities are in a unique erick step of placing a bunch of percussion position to alter the way drugs are licensed in devel- instruments on the fl oor amongst the audi- oping countries, so that research done on campus club Metric goes off with a bang ence. It was a genius move, often reluc- can make a difference to as many lives as possible. tant and reserved students were suddenly UAEM started out at Yale in 2001 when both stu- By Kadhim Shubber
dents and academics campaigned for the availabil- Photos by Kadhim Shubber ity of the HIV antiretroviral (ARV) stavudine for gener- ic production. Since then, UAEM has spread all over the world and has changed the licensing policies of many universities, particularly in America. Last year saw the signing of the Statement of Principles and Strategies for the Equitable Dissemination of Medical Technologies (SPS) by 20 institutions in the US, including the Centers for Disease Control, the National Institute of Health, and the Association of University Technology Managers (AUTM). This was a huge advance for improving access to essential medicines in developing countries, but we still have a long way to go. Within the UK, the Universities of Oxford and Edinburgh recently adopted Global Ac- cess Licensing Policies. UAEM argues that if Impe- rial is to maintain it’s position as a centre for excel- lence in the fi eld of Global Health, it should be a forerunner of this movement. Another aim of UAEM is to promote research into neglected tropical diseases (NTDs). These diseases affect the world’s poorest people and are seriously under-funded. In fact, only 10% of R&D investment goes towards research into 90% of the world’s health problems. Imperial is one of the few institu- tions in the UK to have an organisation entirely de- voted to NTD research, called The Schistosomiasis Things turned weird when she started demanding that someone smell her armpit... Control Initiative, which is based at the St Mary’s Campus. UAEM would like to see NTD research be- ing integrated into the Life Sciences and Medicine curriculums within Imperial and across the UK. Next Wednesday (1st December) is World AIDS Day. UAEM is organising an awareness campaign in Trafalgar Square. The hope is that this will put pres- sure on pharmaceutical companies to put patents for HIV ARVs into the patent pool. Many ARVs are now available, but at astronomical prices well beyond the reach of citizens of develop- ing countries. It is important that students as well as humanitarian campaigners put pressure on the universities and pharmaceutical companies to put ARV patents into the patent pool to allow the generic production of ARVs at dramatically reduced costs. The aim is to think of the Trafalgar Square fountains as the patent pool, and the campaigners (dressed in red, of course) as the patents. Make sure you come along! Today (26/11/10) there will be workshops for the NTD and Research Team at 4pm in SAF and the IP and Law Team at 5pm in Room 119 SAF. To get involved with UAEM, email [email protected], or come along to the next general meeting at 5pm on 30/11/10 in SAF G70. Harriet Gliddon “Come on lads! Let’s go burn down Lib Dem HQ! I say Clegg! You say?” “Had to make some diffi cult decisions...” Uhhh what? FELIX Friday 26 NOVEMBER 2010 7 NEWS banging and bashing away in time with the The Union President from last year, when music. much of the planning behind Metric was As the night progressed, Metric packed done, Ashley Brown gave his thanks “ to out and the atmosphere was as electric as everyone [...] who helped make [Metric] a you would fi nd at any great gig venue in Lon- great place” and also to “all the students don. There was crowd-surfi ng, a momentary who gave feedback, particularly those on moshpit and one excited girl at the front of the phase 3 working group who put their the crowd during Missing Andy seemed as comments directly into the process.” if she would faint at any moment. Deputy President (Finance & Services) It wasn’t all plain sailing. A fi re alarm at Ravi Pall said “I was incredibly impressed around midnight was met by groans from with the high calibre of the entertainment. If the Union can students who quickly became restless The success of the night, is proof that the waiting in the cold outside. However on the venue is amongst the best in the country.” keep this up, there’s whole, students were positive about the Tonight (Friday 26th November) will host night and the new club. One student told a trio of bands headline by Edith Bowman. absolutely no reason Felix, “I had my doubts but actually I’m, I’m As someone who can remember what the well impressed. The bass is still shaking Union was like 3 years ago (never mind last why Metric won’t start through me at the back and the Soundsys- year), If the Union can keep this up and if to feature as one of the tem is bette than most of the soho clubs. students keep coming back, there’s abso- The bar service is quick and Snakebite is lutely no reason why Metric won’t start to best student clubs in still £2. I don’t care about the vodka red feature as one of the best student clubs bull to be honest.” in London. London “OMG, OMG, OMG, OMG, OMG... I LOOOOVE BIEBER!” Photo by Kadhim Shubber “
Left to right: Fit, fi t, fi t
What you can’t see is that he’s holding a cat by the scruff of the neck. It’s the latest accessory don’t you know?
Left to right: Fit, SUPER-FIT, fi t
Totally unimpressed by the size of the fi sh that she caught one time but forgot to take a photo of even though it was like THIS BIG... Left to right: About to choke, passive aggressive, fi t 8 Friday 26 NOVEMBER 2010 FELIX
News Editors: Matt Colvin Alex Karapetian NEWS [email protected] First person Why I protested, by Caroline Clark Students around the U A wave of student occupations has been sparked off by mass protests taking place all over the country. Students from UCL, London South Bank University, Birmingham, Warwick, Oxford, Strathclyde, Cardiff, Dundee, University of East London, Portsmouth, anger grows over educ Leeds, Royal Holloway, SOAS, Manchester Metro- Photo by Miles Robertson politan and UWE Bristol have all gone into occupa- Olivia Ribeiro ing students to protest against the Lib- tion this week. Kirsty Seager eral Democrat party leaders, accusing In London, 5000 students converged on Trafal- them of breaking their promised pledge gar Square and attempted to march down Whitehall Students have once again clashed with of voting against a hike in tuition fees. to Lib Dem HQ. However, in stark contrast to the police during protests over proposed Tuition fees are set to soar to £9000 NUS protest, it soon became apparent that the po- changes to higher education. The pro- per year by September 2012, with plans lice wanted absolute control. They kettled the main test, the second this month, planned to to withdraw public funding for arts- march for 10 hours in the cold before releasing target the Liberal Democrat headquar- based university subjects and removing them in handfuls at around 10pm. ters in central London. the EMA which is paid to students who When we arrived at 5pm, a group of 1000 stu- Thousands of students and school would otherwise not be able to remain in dents and workers stood outside one end of the pupils gathered around Whitehall and education past the age of 16. kettle. We tried to join those inside, but could only Trafalgar Square to fi ght against govern- Protests, walk-outs and marches took stand outside in solidarity. The police pushed us to- ment plans to raise tuition fees and cuts place across the country. The largest were wards Trafalgar Square with horses and batons. At to university teaching grants and the Ed- in Manchester (3000), Bristol (2000), one point, without warning, the line of police horses ucation Maintenance Allowance (EMA) Sheffi eld (2000) and Brighton where charged the crowd. Panic erupted and people ran Violence escalated quickly as one police 3000 students marched. There were also down the street or tried to jump over a wall to safety. offi cer had his arm broken and with was demonstrations in Glasgow, Edinburgh, We were impressed by the scale of demonstra- dragged from the crowd unconscious Newcastle, Liverpool, Southampton, tions yesterday and proud to be part of them. They with leg injuries. The police deployed Oxford, Cambridge, Bournemouth and came only two weeks after the largest student dem- the controversial ‘kettling’ technique Cardiff. Occupations were also staged onstration since 1987, during which thousands oc- used at the G20 protests. Bottles and in colleges and universities including cupied the courtyard of Tory HQ. This sparked an placards were thrown at police and fi res SOAS, London South Bank, Royal Hol- intense media and police backlash, leading to the were started as darkness fell. loway, UCL, Essex and UWE Bristol. aggressive tactics used by the police yesterday. Vandals damaged and graffi tied a po- Nick Clegg, in a speech made on However, many support the protesters, including lice van stranded in the protest. School Tuesday night, pleaded with students to trade unions and lecturers. “Listen and look before you march and The savage cuts announced by the coalition gov- shout. Our plans will mean that many of ernment will resonate through Higher and Further Milly, aged 14, said the lowest income graduates will repay Education, with fears that 22,000 university jobs less than they do under the current sys- will be lost and fees of £9000 a year threatening she had attended tem.” The Deputy Prime Minister, who to carve a layer of poorer students from university the protests as she has been warned against cycling to work education. Allowing a market in education will create amidst fears he could be attacked, was a two-tier education system; only the privileged elite was “one of the peo- further targeted by angry protesters who will be able to afford to study at the top universities. hung an effi gy outside a building where Aaron Porter stated that he “absolutely condemns ple affected by the he was due to give a speech on Tuesday. the actions of violence” at Millbank. However, bro- Many school children attended the ken windows are insignifi cant compared to the dam- changes” protests on Wednesday. Milly, aged age that will be done to everyone by the govern- 14, from a north London school, said ments cuts. In itself breaking windows won’t change children who disagreed with the vio- she had attended the protests as they the position of the government, but it shows workers lence, however, formed a protective were relevant to her and that she would that it is possible to fi ght back, giving them confi - shield around the van to prevent further be “one of the people affected by the dence to strike. As we have seen from history, civil damage. Later protesters broke into a changes”. Her friend Harry, also 14, said disobedience is a powerful force that is an integral van, smashing the windows, stealing that they agreed with the protests, but part in bringing down a government. Through actions police uniforms and using the van as a disagreed with the violence, saying “it like this, the Heath government came crashing down dance platform. won’t achieve anything”. A protestor climbs onto a building at Whitehall in the early 70’s and Thatcher was brought down The demonstration, organised by sev- Another protester, a current student Photo by Olivia Ribeiro after the poll tax riots. eral groups, began peacefully with a at UCL, said, “Violence gets our point Our Union President may be attempting to dis- “Carnival of Resistance” at 11am, start- across, they can see how strongly we tance himself from the growing student rebellion, ing at Malet Street and progressing to feel and it will make them change what but growing numbers of Imperial students are show- Trafalgar Square, where students from they have said”. Most people that we ing that they’re prepared to get out and march. The across the nation assembled prior to spoke to believed that the violence was protests, strikes and occupations we’ve seen so far the planned protest outside of the Lib- sending the wrong message across about all hint that an enormous wave of organised resis- eral Democrat’s headquarters in Central students and that those who were being tance to the government is on its way. London and later in Downing Street. violent were out looking for trouble, At Imperial, those involved in the demonstration However, in light of the Millbank Ri- rather than protesting for the cause. yesterday will be holding an organising meeting early ots two weeks ago, police detained pro- Sixty arrests have been made so far next week – look out for posters on the walkway or testers in the Whitehall area before they following the occupation of Millbank email [email protected]. Everyone is welcome to join us. reached Parliament Square. Attempts to two weeks ago. Student Edward Wool- Just as the anti-poll tax campaign ended the Thatch- break through the police cordon were lard, 18, from Southampton, is facing er era, so too is it possible for protests, occupations unsuccessful, a stark contrast to the at- jail after admitting throwing a fi re extin- and direct action to break today’s government tack on Conservatives’ headquarters a guisher from a rooftop during the violent Caroline Clark is the Chair of the Socialist Workers fortnight ago. riot. Woollard has been charged with Students’ Society at Imperial. Organisers, who have dubbed the violent disorder, an offence that carries mass demonstration “Day X”, are call- a maximum of fi ve years in prison. Police were far better prepared this time around FELIX Friday 26 November 2010 9 NEWS Royal College of UK protest as Art students block Kensington Road cation cuts Photo by Kadhim Shubber Photo by Miles Robertson
A demonstrator shouting slogans Photo by Miles Robertson Kadhim Shubber “13 police offi cers
Around 200 students from the Royal arrived and forced College of Art (RCA) held an hour long protest as part of a national day of the students back walkouts, sit-ins and marches against the government’s planned cuts to higher onto the pavement” education. They began on the steps of the RCA the pavement. building at 1pm but quickly moved to Cordelia Cembrowicz, Vice President Kensington Road where they proceeded of the Royal College of Art Students’ to block traffi c by occupying the road. Union said “Cutting government fund- The students chanted “You say cutback, ing along with increasing fees for art we say fi ghtback” as motorists became and design students will have a negative more and more annoyed by the disrup- effect on not only our economy but on tion. Motorcyclists forced their way past the very lifeblood of our culture. This the students while some cars attempted nation needs artists, designers and musi- to nudge the students out of the way. cians just as much as it needs mathema- One driver used his car to force a way ticians, engineers and scientists.” through the crowd, driving with a stu- The protest died down shortly after dent on his bonnet for around 5 metres. 2pm, with one student commenting that A van driver got out of his car to argue she was cold and had work to get on with the demonstrators before shouted with. down by the crowd. being Jarvis Cocker was rumoured to be 13 police offi cers arrived in 8 police leading the protest but wasn’t present on cars and forced the students back onto the day.
Photo by Kadhim Shubber Photo by Miles Robertson
An empty police van was attacked ‘Kettled’ students try to keep warm 10 Friday 26 NOVEMBER 2010 FELIX
News Editors: Matt Colvin Alex Karapetian NEWS [email protected] In brief “Major changes” to security staff Controversial Justice W after Metric launch violence Felix investigates accusations and counter-accusations made ab The otherwise trouble-free opening night of Metric was tainted by violence after a student was forcibly ...Continued from Front Page Photo by Miles Robertson ejected by stewards and a member of security staff who the Union have said “will not work at the Union about the injustices in Darfur, or against again”. Kurds and Christians across the Middle The trouble began as students began to re-enter East but no, as usual with such events, it the Union after a fi re alarm at around midnight. The has to do only with the delegitimization student allegedly attacked the door staff as he re- of Israel, America and her allies” and al- entered the building and was as a result removed leged that Justice Week “is only to do to the back of the Union. According to the Union, with injustice and hate”. the student committed “criminal assault” by biting a Also quoted in the JP article were steward on the arm. At the time of writing Felix had members of Student Rights. This or- not received confi rmation of this from the police. ganization claims on its website to be However the Union have also admitted that the a “non-partisan group dedicated to student was removed from the building in an “over- equality, democracy, and freedom from zealous way” and that a member of security had extremism on university campuses”. taken an “old-fashioned attitude” to bar security However, an investigation by London and that his actions did not refl ect the ethos of the Student earlier this year accused Student Union to provide a safe place for students to enjoy Rights of being a right-wing pressure themselves. group with a questionable student sup- As a Felix photographer attempted to record the port base, allegations which they deny. events, the same member of security seized his JP quoted Matthew Walker of Student camera and threatened to smash it on the ground. Rights as saying, “Justice Week appears The Union have described the security staff’s ac- to be dedicated to jihadist propaganda on tions as “regrettable” and re-assured Felix that the taxpayer-funded university campuses”. Union is committed to protecting the freedom of Campaigning from both these groups press. led to a similar event, which featured The Union have confi rmed that major changes will Jamal Harwood – a speaker at Justice be made to the security team and to “the way that Week – being cancelled at Queen Mary we run security”, including better briefi ng of the staff Student Union in December last year. QMSU were unable to comment on this. on big nights. Asim Qureshi spoke at Imperial College this on Thursday The student involved didn’t wish to comment on ISoc president, Umer Hakeem, told the events. Kadhim Shubber Felix that his society was not contacted by The Jerusalem Post to give a response to the accusations made in the article. the JP. He said that he saw Justice Week speakers scheduled for Justice Week. He explained, “Justice Week intends to as “anti-west, due to the nature of some Reportedly, this meeting included col- Corrections highlight various injustices that resonate of the events”. When confronted about lege security, a representative from In the article entitled “Rector joins London-Brigh- with our members and around the world the investigation by London Student, ISoc, and senior college offi cials. ton Veteran Car Run”, published in Issue 1473 and offers Islam as a potential solution Kassam described it as “irresponsible Security concerns led to cancellation (12/11/10), the City and Guilds College Union was to these”. ISoc is one of the biggest soci- reporting”. He pointed to a “personal of the fi rst of the Justice Week events, incorrectly referred to as the City and Guilds Con- eties on campus and is heavily involved grudge” between himself and the author, due to have taken place on Monday. stituent Union. in ICU activities. It raised more money Hilary Aked, but refused to disclose spe- However, these were related to room than any other society for Charity Week cifi c details. booking capacity and were largely ad- The article entitled “RAG Week raises over £2,000”, this year, totaling £29,414.50. Post- London Student offered Kassam a ministrative according to Jones who published in Issue 1474 (19/11/10) did not make ers around campus advertising Justice right of reply to the investigation but he described the affair as “unfortunate but clear that RAG raised £3269.12 during RAG Week. Week bear the slogan: “Be the change notes that he “didn’t see the point” of actually quite tedious”. you want to see in the world”, quoted pursuing this. Rory Fenton is Offi cer for Interfaith, In the article entitled “A dummy’s guide to Indian from Mahatama Gandhi. All external speakers invited by soci- which promotes good relations between curries”, the text for Tikka Masala was erroneously In response to the objections to Jus- eties to talk on Imperial College campus the religious societies at Imperial, and repeated for Vindaloo. tice Week voiced in the article, Hakeem are subject to a vetting process, which said that the scheduled event and speak- answered, “We encourage all to attend the guest speakers for Justice Week ers for Justice Week were “not damag- The Word Wheel in Issue 1473 (12/11/10) and the our events and respectfully challenge passed. Coordinating this process was ing to interfaith relations”. Nonogram in Issue 1474 (19/11/10) were unsolv- our speakers if they disagree with their Heather Jones, Sabbatical Offi cer for A screening on Wednesday of the Mi- able. Felix apologises for this. views rather than attempting to elimi- Clubs and Societies, who commented, chael Moore fi lm “Capitalism: A Love nate one side of the debate by censoring “the article obviously raised some of our Story” was followed by commentary speakers”. He added, “We don’t consid- concerns but we have a duty to uphold from Jamal Harwood – an expert in Is- er attempts to censor legitimate debate Freedom of Speech on campus accord- lamic fi nance. He said, “the article is a Positively Red Week as conducive to achieving the aims of ing to The Education Act, 1986”. The bit of a rant against the Imperial Islamic Justice Week”. Jewish and Israeli Societies were con- Society” and “all these people are doing Medsin Imperial will be raising awareness about Felix contacted Jonny Paul, the author sulted as part of this vetting process. is whipping up anti-Islamic sentiment”. HIV/AIDS around campus as part of their “Positively of the JP article, who admitted that he In response to the article published in He assures students that “the week isn’t Red Week”, 29th Nov – 3rd Dec. The week of charity did not make any attempt to approach the JP, the College called a crisis meet- at all anti-western” and has “nothing to events including an 80s night at Metric on Wednes- Imperial College or ISoc for a response ing on Monday to review the events and do with jihad”. He also said that, “If he day and a Dodgeball Tournament on Thursday 2nd to the article. He said he saw “no reason [Douglas Murray] was really concerned December (email Alan Soltani, [email protected] for to contact them … the article speaks for Jerusalem Post journalist admits about social cohesion he wouldn’t be de- information) itself”, but refused to comment further monizing this small community”. Raheem Kassam, the Director of Stu- he did not attempt to contact the Harwood is a spokesperson for Hizb dent Rights, was asked to explain the ut-Tahrir, an Islamic political organiza- comments made by his organization in Islamic Society for a response tion that is currently subject to a “no FELIX Friday 26 November 2010 11 INTERVIEW Fairtrade fuss over Week on campus status renewal Sophia David union products. Scott Heath, RCSU bout speakers invited on campus by Islamic Soc President, argued that “students would After gaining Fairtrade status in Sep- rather the beer prices at the bar be rea- tember 2007 but then failing to renew sonable than for us to have Fairtrade it in 2009, Imperial is rushing to en- Status”. sure that it doesn’t drop off the list of There has also been speculation that Cageprisoners 130 Fairtrade universities and colleges. all the Union’s clothing products must Desperate efforts are being made by be sourced from Fairtrade cotton, a This is a human rights campaign terview with Anwar al-Awlaki, the the Fairtrade society, union sabbaticals move that would signifi cantly increase group which gives a voice to de- infamous Islamic preacher, after and college in order to retain the status costs of Imperial branded clothing in the tainees in the war on terror. release without charge from US but they have been met with opposition Union shop. Recently, they have taken on detention. Since his release, he due to the higher costs associated with “If I have to vote between the outright the case of Aafi a Siddiqui who is believed to have radicalized Fairtrade products. Gemma Morris, use of Fairtrade cotton and a dramatic was convicted in September of Umar Farouk Abdulmutallab, for- head of catering operations has said that increase in clothing prices, or a loss of attempting to kill her US inter- mer student and president of “although the renewal is overdue this is income, I will always vote against [the rogators. She was subsequently ISoc at UCL, who made a suicide not an indication that Imperial has in any use of fairtrade cotton]”, said Scott sentenced to 86 years in prison. bombing attempt in December way lost its commitment to Fairtrade.” Heath. However, he added that “if it is They obtained an exclusive in- last year. So should students be forced to pay shown that the raise in cost for clothing more for their food and clothing? And would be low then I would more than should the Union shop potentially run at happily support and assist this new cer- a loss, or face a decline in sales for the tifi cation.” Hizb ut-Tahrir Fairtrade cause? Felix investigates the These views are mirrored by those of importance of fair-trade status at Impe- many students around college. One stu- Hizb ut-Tahrir translates into Eng- is a part of Islam but do not advo- rial and attitudes around college. dent commented that whilst he would be lish as “party of liberation”. They cate violence, instead encourag- But fi rstly, what does Imperial need “very happy to pay an extra 20p or so for are a radical political organisation ing intellectual debate. However, to do to renew its status? There are fi ve Fairtrade tea or coffee, a hike in cloth- which seeks to establish a ‘Ca- their ideology is shared by groups goals which must be achieved to ensure ing prices of several pounds would not liphate’ – an Islamic state across which do support violence. Fairtrade status. Firstly, the Student be welcomed.” the Middle East. It is opposed to Tony Blair said he would ban the Union and universities authorities must Some also believe that forcing stu- western-style democracy as we British branch of the party while create a fairtrade policy which encap- dents, already fi nancially burdened, to know it. still PM, but ultimately did not sulates the details of the other goals. pay extra for Fairtrade products is unfair. They hold the view that ‘jihad’ carry out action against them. Deputy President (Welfare) Charlotte “It’s not like we’re earning £100,000, Ivison told Felix that she “aims to pres- we have weekly food budgets”, com- ent a Fairtrade policy to Council early mented another student. next term which will specify our goals Felix has since found that although platform policy” by NUS. This does Qureshi’s platform on Imperial Col- book “This Time We Went Too Far: and commitments regarding Fairtrade”. the university must show commitment not include Imperial College, which is lege campus. Their research stretches Truth and Consequences of the Gaza Secondly, Fairtrade food and drinks to sourcing Fairtrade cotton where pos- not currently a member of NUS. Chair from radicalisation on university cam- Invasion”. Next week’s issue of Felix should be made available for sale in all sible, it is not yet a full requirement. of ICU Political Philosophical Soci- puses to the BNP’s demonisation of will include an interview with Professor campus shops and used in all restau- “There currently isn’t wide enough ety, Naida Dzigal, spoke on the subject British Muslims. They provided Felix Finkelstein by our political editor. Tick- rants and bars, a goal largely being met availability”, said Sarah Jewell, Cam- of hosting NUS “no platform policy” with transcripts of speeches made by ets for the event with Finkelstein sold already. For example, all tea and coffee paign Manager of the Fairtrade Founda- speakers on Imperial College Campus- Qureshi at Queen Mary Student Union out within 24 hours. However, a second sold on campus is 100% Fairtrade. Simi- tion. es. “I am of the opinion that this should (QMSU). In December 2006 at QMSU, talk later on the same night was sched- larly, the third goal stating that Fairtrade She also added that the Fairtrade Foun- not be done generally, but only because while discussing suicide bombings in uled to capacitate the extra demand and food and drinks should be served at all dation have launched a Fairtrade cotton the students who organize such events Palestine, he said, “when you’re talking tickets have been made available to non- meetings hosted by the university or stu- campaign that will result in “competi- are usually of the same opinions as the about things like martyrdom operations, Imperial students. Finkelstein’s UK tour dent union is also already being met. tively priced cotton that universities can controversial speaker or are on their then its not for us to judge anything be- has been accompanied by a Facebook The fourth goal states that there purchase”. way to becoming such [...] However, I cause we don’t live out in those places”. group “No to hate! No to Norman Fin- should be a commitment to campaign- Unsurprisingly, Noor Hasnan, Chair also think that there should be an excep- Again at QMSU in January 2007, while kelstein!” This group plans to protest at ing for increased Fairtrade consumption of the ICU Fairtrade society would feel tion to this policy if the event is planned discussing the actions of a group of fe- all of the dates on his UK tour, includ- on campus. This is where Imperial’s “hugely disappointed” if Imperial was to carefully and is conducted with regards male Chechen suicide bombers called ing Imperial College, but is limited to Fairtrade society comes in, holding lose Fairtrade status. “Being a Fairtrade to the complete student body’s opinions the ‘Black Widows’, he said “we are a small number of individuals - at time student-related events throughout the university is our acknowledgement that and views”. She added, “some speakers not here to judge them. We do not live of printing only 9 people have declared year. The biggest event, Fairtrade Fort- there are still unfair trading practices go- might have valuable opinions on other in their paradigm, we do not live their attendance. The talks take place tonight night, will take place from 28 February ing on in the third world countries. If we subjects that are not fascist or racist in daily lives”. (Friday) from 6pm and will be held in to 13 March 2011, and aims to persuade lose it, people will see us in a complete- any way”. Speaking about Qureshi – Lucy the Clore Lecture Theatre in the Hux- people to replace their normal purchases ly different light, even though we do Speaking on Thursday on behalf of James, a research fellow at Quilliam, ley Building. Tickets are £5 and can be with Fairtrade alternatives. However, have all the Fairtrade products in store Cageprisoners, a human rights organiza- says “he has clearly condoned acts of vi- bought from the ICU website; protesting the application for renewing the col- and related events throughout the term.” tion that raises awareness of the plight of olence abroad in the past” and his pres- at the event will be free. lege’s Fairtrade status requires proof of Another student commented that prisoners at Guantanamo Bay, was Asim ence on campus is “beyond a Freedom A spokesperson from the college such events and it is likely that the forms “people are willing to spend twice the Qureshi. of Speech issue”. Felix attempted to wrote to Felix about Justice Week. “Im- cannot be submitted until Fairtrade Fort- price of a normal product for one with a He made news in 2006 after a rally out- contact Qureshi but he was not available perial College London campuses are night has taken place next year. fashionable brand, so why not pay a bit side the US Embassy in London when he for a response. The Quilliam Foundation places of intellectual debate, tolerance Lastly, a Fairtrade steering group must more for Fairtrade?” declared, “It is incumbent upon all of us also voiced concerns as to whether the and openness among its diverse staff be established, made up of students, With such confl icting views on to support the jihad of our brothers and vetting process for external speakers at and student community”. And “the Col- members of Commercial Services, ca- Fairtrade products, students need sisters in these countries when they are university campuses is currently tight lege has concluded that the events tak- tering staff and the union, another goal choice, which is something that Deputy facing the oppression of the west”. enough. ing place during Justice Week meet the already achieved. President Charlotte Ivison supports: “we London-based counter-extremism Justice Week ends with talks by Pro- requirements under its Code of Practice However, there is fuel for potential don’t want to force students but hope- think tank, The Quilliam Foundation, fessor Norman Finkelstein on the 2009 on Freedom of Speech”. confl ict at Union Council if the renewal fully they’ll make an informed choice contacted Felix out of concern for Gaza Invasion, in connection to his new Editorial: Page 20 is to require an increase in pricing of about paying more for Fairtrade or not.” 12 Friday 26 November 2010 FELIX
Science Editors: James Goldsack Katya-yani Vyas SCIENCE [email protected] And a few suggestions... Students with ‘Parasight’ The science behind the iGem team’s successful project
Victoria Bignet out upon detection of the waterborne parasites. intercellular quorum sensing signal. It is the The team designed the project in three linker which confers specifi city to the surface MIT hosts an annual undergraduate Synthetic modules. Their detection module constitutes protein; the elastase recognises a four amino- Biology competition called iGEM (Interna- a brand new approach, exploiting parasite re- acid sequence (SWPL) included in the linker. tional Genetically Engineered Machine), aim- lease of elastase to penetrate host skin. They The latter is anchored to the cell-wall by an ing for each university team to build biological synthesised a novel protein bound to B. sub- isolated domain from the LytC protein, native systems and operate them in living cells. Im- tilis cell surface, with a protruding signalling to B. subtilis. perial made an outstanding performance and peptide attached via a protease cleavage site. Cercariae do not readily release elastase in landed fourth on the podium out of a total of When the parasite protease comes along, the the water. They need to detect human lipids in some 129 participating universities. signal peptide is released and activates the ambient temperatures of around 37°C. How- The Imperial team built their project on bio- signalling module. To transduce the signal, ever, cercarial elastase is a crucial protease for sensors. Sensors developed so far require hours the team used a quorum sensing system which successful infection, and is thus guaranteed to or weeks of waiting before a detectable output they extracted from Streptococcus pneumoni- be released assuming these conditions. The Trouble with Physics is produced, jeopardizing the product’s appli- nae and transplanted into B. subtilis. Activa- While an elastase has cleaved a protein link- cation on the fi eld. Current designs also only tion of this classic two-component system in- er, the team designed a resulting downstream by Lee Smolin respond to a small range of basic inputs and duces gene-transcription and triggers the fast signalling pathway. The so-called ‘ComCDE’ lack fl exibility in input/output modulation. response module. system of genes in S. pneumoniae signals via Smolin, a brilliant theoretical physicist himself, at- For the detection target, the Imperial College Cercaria (larval stage) is the most useful life- a linear AIP and uses a two-component signal tempts in this book to provide a concise and spe- team wanted something with a strong health cycle stage of Schistosoma to target, as it would transduction system. The ComC gene-product cifi c tour of modern physics and its complexities. impact. They envisioned a cheap, safe and fast prevent the disease altogether. Cercariae are is CSP1 (competence-stimulating peptide-1) Creating a link between the somewhat unfathom- sensor that could detect the presence of a range common in water, but their spatiotemporal ap- which is the system’s AIP. CSP-1 is exported able different areas of physics, he explains how the of human parasites in water, which would indi- pearance is unpredictable. With this detection out of the cell and is detected by the CWB – discipline has progressed from Einstein through to cate to people in developing countries whether method, locals or NGOs could easily check the sensory histidine kinase ComD. The kinase quantum mechanics and the notorious string theory. the water is safe to drink/touch – hence the water to see if it is infected. then activates response regulator ComE. This Smolin is sharp and provocative in his writing. He project’s name “Parasight”! The IC team fo- The project’s design was based on the pre- transcription factor then binds to its specifi c does not simply put forward ideas, but also ques- cused on the schistosoma parasite, a neglected infection release of elastase by cercariae, with- target gene to induce transcription; the team tions them and their proponents. He also raises tropical disease (NTD) which affects 200 mil- out which they would be unable to progress synthetically set the Tobacco Etch Virus (TEV) some interesting economic and political implica- lion people worldwide, second only to malaria in their life-cycle. The cell-surface protein protease gene as target by adding a ComE bind- tions caused by physics research. This is the most in severity. of B. subtilis has three components: an auto- ing site upstream from it. refreshing attribute of the book; it is not simply an They engineered a system which allows for inducing peptide (AIP), a linker peptide and a Previous trials have been based on transcrip- ‘ode to physics’ as so many popular science book fast detection of a range of parasites, and may cell-wall binding protein (CWB). In order to tion-translation of a specifi c reporter molecule are, but rather a critical analysis of the state of the also be used as an environmental tool for map- activate signal transduction, the AIP must be (e.g. GFP) which is time-consuming and might science and the bold theories and claims that are ping parasite spread. Synthetically modifi ed cleaved, i.e. it cannot access its specifi c re- need sophisticated equipment for detection. made about it. Smolin is engaging and entertaining, Bacillus subtilis, a harmless gram positive soil ceptor if still attached to the surface protein. This system is not only revolutionarily fast but leaving us with a greater insight into how the theo- bacterium, was used to give a clear colour read- Cleavage by elastase releases the sequestered it involves the expression of a protease which retical physicist thinks. Katya-Yani Vyas
Schrödinger’s lolcat
You won’t believe it...
Climate change is causing some sheep to shrink. Since 1985 the Scottish Soay sheep’s legs have got shorter and their body weight has decreased. The lonely sheep live on the island of Hirta, home to a diverse ecosystem of sheep and vegetation. Lead researcher, Tim Coulson from Imperial College, said that it is “too early to say if, in 100 years, we will have...pocket-sized sheep.” Let’s hope so. Synthetically modifi ed Bacillus subtilis was used to give a clear colour readout upon detection of the waterborne parasites FELIX Friday 26 November 2010 13 SCIENCE acts on a pre-existing pool of substrate, secret of the output module’s inducibil- upon a pre-existing pool of the inactive on the linker of the surface protein, any yielding an output signal several orders ity: the GFP gene is fused to the XylE GFP-C23O substrate in the cell. Being protease could be detected. Space-time of magnitude faster. gene through a protein sequence rec- relatively fast, it has a high turnover rate The team now hopes their system Catechol (2,3)-dioxygenase (C23O) ognised and cleaved by TEV protease. of substrate molecules. This is the fi rst will come to good practical use. The is the protein product of the XylE gene. Thus, when TEV is present in the cell, amplifi cation step, making the response biochemical reaction in itself is “in the cloaking It originates from Pseudomonas pu- the GFP is cleaved off from its C23O exponential over time instead of linear. box”; the skills and protocol are there for tida and is active as a homotetramer of monomer and the free monomers can The activated C23O is itself an enzyme having it rapidly synthesised and ready C23O monomers. The enzyme naturally tetramerise. with a high turnover rate, meaning that to go. Now it needs to be incorporated possibility catalyses the conversion of a colourless TEV protease is a natural viral prote- colourless catechol molecules would be into a clever device for use on the ter- substrate (catechol) into a bright yellow ase. In the system, ComE transcription converted to yellow coloured products rain. The team have envisioned a test- product (2-hydroxymuconic semialde- factors bind to their native ComCDE very fast. This second amplifi cation step tube like reservoir with the transgenic James Goldsack hyde) within seconds of substrate addi- promoter upstream from the TEV prote- makes the response hyper-exponential. B. subtilis colony at the bottom and a tion. ase gene. Since ComE is activated only The IC team also ran a series of school lid with a stick attached. The user would Scientists at Imperial College have de- Modifying the XylE gene by fusing when CSP1 is cleaved, TEV protease is workshops based on NTDs. “Bridging unscrew the lid and dip the stick into the veloped a metamaterial that allows the it to the GFP gene, they obtained GFPs only transcribed and translated upon de- the gap between academics and cap- water to be tested. The stick contains a manipulation of the speed of light as it fused to the N-terminus of C23O mono- tection of the Schistosoma parasite. turing the wider public’s attention can foamy coat containing skin lipids which passes over an object, ‘cloaking’ the ob- mers. By allosteric inhibition, GFP pre- The TEV gene has high cleavage site achieve so much”, says the team. The attracts cercariae in the water if present. ject’s movement, according to a paper in vents the C23O monomers from tetra- specifi city and a relatively low molecu- iGEMers even developed a software They will release elastases, thus causing the Journal of Optics. merising; they hence remain inactive in lar weight (242 amino-acids) resulting in toolkit that can be run autonomously a reaction! Yellow product or not yellow Previously, a team led by Professor the cytoplasm. a relatively quick synthesis of the gene- and customised to the desired input. By product..? Sir John Pendry showed how an opti- The fusion gene construct reveals the product. TEV protease would then act changing the protease recognition site cal invisibility cloak was viable. Now, a team led by Professor Martin McCall has mathematically extended this idea to one that conceals events. “Light normally slows down as it enters a material, but it is theoretically New anti-psychotic possible to manipulate the light rays so drugs in pipeline “Light normally slows down as it enters James Goldsack A correlation was found between the glutamate levels in the hippocampus and a material, but it is Schizophrenia could be caused by ab- the dopamine levels in the brain. normal levels of neurotransmitters do- This is strong evidence that there possible to manipu- pamine and glutamate, according to new could be a link between glutamate and research carried out at Imperial College psychosis in many patients. late...so that some London. Current medication used to treat Researchers found evidence that glu- schizophrenia blocks the effects of do- parts speed up” tamate-releasing cells in the hippocam- pamine in the brain and can have seri- pus infl uence the activity of dopamine- ous side effects. Some side effects are releasing cells, which in turn are linked bad enough to stop the patient taking the that some parts speed up and others slow with causing psychosis. medication. down,” says Prof. McCall, from the De- The Medical Research Council funded This research suggests that drugs that partment of Physics. the research and the team scanned the interfere with glutamate signals in the The leading half of the light speeds up brains of 16 people at-risk for psychosis brain may be able to prevent psychotic and arrives before an event, whilst the and 12 healthy volunteers, to measure symptoms in schizophrenia sufferers, trailing half is made to lag behind and Brain scans enabled researchers to look at the mechanisms involved levels of dopamine and glutamate. hopefully with less negative side effects. arrives too late. The result is that for a brief period the event is not illuminated and escapes detection. Such a space-time cloak would open up a temporary corridor through which energy, information, and matter could be Light and death for manipulated or transported undetected. While this technology in practice is still science fi ction, there are many se- hospital superbugs rious applications for the new research. Co-author Dr Paul Kinsler developed a proof of concept design using custom- Charlie Harvey ily automated to provide continuous ised optical fi bres, which would enable disinfection of wards and other areas of researchers to use the event cloak in sig- A new technology that uses light beams the clinical environment. The pervasive nal processing and computing. to kill bacteria could be used in hospitals nature of light permits the treatment of One of the greatest diffi culties faced to stop the spread of MRSA and other air and all visible surfaces, regardless of by the team was how to speed up the antibiotic resistant bugs, say scientists accessibility.” transmitted data without violating the from the University of Strathclyde. The team are hopeful the new technol- laws of relativity. The researchers de- The technology, known as HINS light, ogy could become the foundation for a vised a clever material whose properties uses visible light wavelengths to excite hospital-wide decontamination system, varied in both space and time, allowing molecules within bacteria, producing by using the HINS light alongside tradi- the cloak to be formed. highly reactive chemicals which are tional hospital lighting. “We’re sure that there are many other lethal to bacteria yet mild enough to Clinical trials at Glasgow Royal In- possibilities opened up by our introduc- be completely harmless to patients and fi rmary have shown that the HINS light tion of the concept of the spacetime staff. provided signifi cantly greater reduc- cloak,’ says Prof. McCall, “but as it’s Professor Scott MacGregor, Dean of tions of bacterial pathogens in the hospi- still theoretical at this stage we still need the Faculty of Engineering, said “HINS- tal environment than could be achieved to work out the concrete details for our Washing your hands is also rumoured to work... light is a safe treatment that can be eas- by cleaning and disinfection alone. proposed applications.” 14 FRIDAY 26 NOVEMBER 2010 felix
Technology Editor: Samuel Gibbs TECHNOLOGY [email protected] Free App of the Week Samsung Galaxy Tab: iOS - Urbanspoon for iPhone Finally a real iPad killer? Kin-Hing Lo puts the Galaxy Tab through its paces
he Galaxy Tab is a 7-inch An- droid-based tablet device from Samsung. It’s been dubbed the fi rst serious competitor to the current king of the slates, Apple’s iPad. But does the the Galaxy Tab really have Twhat it takes to top wishlists this Christmas or will the iPad reign supreme? Read on to fi nd out. The Galaxy Tab has a clean design with the hallmarks of something that came out of Cu- pertino. The tablet features a 7-inch TFT touch- screen, which looks great: it’s bright, gives clear and high-resolution imagery, and is re- sponsive. The screen is multi-touch enabled so you can use gestures such as “pinch to zoom” for web browsing, newspaper reading and pho- to viewing. The device has a hardware volume rocker, expandable memory using a micro-SD card (up to 32GB), and a SIM card slot for 3G browsing and phone calls. A headphone socket is available for the bundled handsfree kit and a docking port at the bottom of the device allows Ever been stuck for a place to eat? Want something you to connect it to your computer or a hard- to suit a particular budget? Get the Urbanspoon app ware keyboard. and you’ll be covered, wherever you are in the UK. Apple CEO Steve Jobs has publicly slated 7-inch tablets, such as the Galaxy Tab, say- ing that they’re not big enough to give a good touchscreen tablet experience and that’s why Android - Urbanspoon for Android Apple went for a 9.7-inch screen for the iPad. As the surface area of the screen scales with the square of the diagonal length, the Galaxy Tab works out to be half the size of the iPad. With both products costing roughly the same, you might ask why anyone would buy the smaller device. I’d argue that a 7-inch tablet is better because it’s more portable: it fits snugly into my jeans pocket. The device is also lighter (the Galaxy Tab is 380g compared to 730g for the iPad) so it’s ideal for use on the go. Samsung are marketing the Tab as a por- table multimedia and entertainment device. It plays music in all the common formats and high definition video (up to 1080p), which looks pretty good on the large screen even though it’s not HD itself. Applications are also bundled for reading e-books, magazines and newspapers such as the Financial Times. Google Maps looks great and the free turn- by-turn GPS navigation is a winner on this screen. The camera lets the Tab down though -- it’s only 3 megapixels and takes pretty poor quality photos. vice probably fits a bigger antenna – I was able Overall, the Samsung Galaxy Tab is a great One of the interesting features of the Tab is to pick up signal in the basement of Blackett device. It’s halfway between a phone and a net- that it’s a fully-functioning mobile phone too! I where my HTC Desire couldn’t. book – small enough to fit in your pocket and must admit to getting some funny looks round Performance-wise, the Tab was fairly smooth large enough to comfortably read magazines, campus when I actually used it as a phone… in operation and rarely lagged even with HD books and watch videos. For these tasks the it could easily be something straight out of video or 3D games. The 4,000mAh battery Tab gives a real first-rate experience. But it’s a Dom Joly sketch! But in reality it’s more gave me about two days of typical daily usage not ideal for everything – if you want to write practical to use the Tab as a phone than you’d as an e-book reader, phone and the occasion- essays and lab reports on the go, you’re bet- The Urbanspoon Android app works the same as the think. Calls play out over the speakerphone by al game of Angry Birds during lectures. This ter off with a netbook or Macbook Air. And if iPhone app, but won’t run on all Android phones. If default (which limits the privacy of your con- compares fairly well against the typical 3-6 you’re unlikely to take your tablet out of the it’s a no go, head to urbanspoon.com/m instead. versations) or through the bundled handsfree hours you get out of a laptop or a day with a house, the iPad’s larger screen could still be a kit. Reception seemed pretty good as the de- smartphone. winner. metricPresents Edith Bowman The Valentines Young Electrics Dead Wax
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Business Editors: Sina Ataherian Afonso Campos BUSINESS [email protected] News Summary Rifts reappear less than a Government to measure happiness fortnight after G-20 pact Businesses and investors given new causes for concern
I’d measure her as ‘somewhat’ happy...
The Office for National Statistics (ONS) is to start measuring quality of life in the UK from next April. The decision to follow in the footsteps of such economic powerhouses as Bhutan was announced on Tuesday by David Cameron, who gave no indi- cation of how ‘well-being’ would be measured but stated that current indicators would be insufficient. The ONS currently measures indicators such as economic growth, unemployment, crime and mortality. David Cameron insisted that the next well-being index would not distract from these other functions, maintaining, “I am clear that our most urgent prior- ity is to get the economy moving, create jobs and spread opportunity to everyone.” Ouch, brown shoes... bad move bro. Well o.k. I’ll concede that the handkerchief in the breast pocket saves the ensemble slightly He justified the policy by claiming that “just as we can create the climate for business to thrive - by cutting taxes, slashing red tape and so on - so we Lingxi Huang to muster the political will to implement poli- outfl ow are mainly the emerging economies, can create a climate in this country that is more cies to address trade imbalances for the fear of destabilising their economy by causing curren- family-friendly and more conducive to the good life.” After meeting in Seoul two weeks ago, govern- angering domestic exporters. cies to appreciate. There are suggestions that the main purpose of ments from the G-20 group of the world’s 19 Furthermore, unlike supranational organiza- Unless the Federal Reserve eases the down- the new statistics would be to divert attention from largest economies plus the EU agreed to halt tions like the World Bank, the G-20 has no real ward pressure on it currency, the pressure on a still stagnant economy. competitive currency devaluation in hopes of power to back its promises. While countries other nations for debasement is unlikely to France has already started work on a similar pol- allaying fears of an all-out currency war. The can agree on a vague sense of direction such abate. Even though the US government claimed icy, headed by former World Bank chief economist G-20 fi nance ministers vowed to address ten- as “correcting the trade imbalances”, they can- that it would never seek to weaken the US Dol- Joseph Stiglitz who is to come up with new ways of sions in the currency markets. not lay out specifi c policies to be implemented lars as a tool to gain competitive advantage, the measuring economic growth to account for broader The Seoul Summit was only the latest in a se- in order to achieve a measurable outcome. The effects of its monetary policy will be keenly felt changes in ‘social progress.’ ries of such meetings and aimed to provide a US, for example, has proposed “indicative elsewhere, especially since the Federal Reserve forum for heads of government from the mem- guidelines” for current account balances. This embarked on another round of money printing ber countries, central bankers, fi nance ministers move immediately came under attack from a few weeks ago. and institutions such as International Monetary ministers in countries such as Germany and On the other hand, the G-20 is not com- British banks in discussions to Fund (IMF) to discuss key issues like fi ghting China, which have large surpluses. pletely impotent when it comes to stopping the cut bonuses poverty and building global fi nancial safety The costs of inaction are high: if countries currency war. The meeting promotes a global nets. In addition to the G8 members, G20 also across the board cheapen their currency at the network of key policy makers and their staff, boasts an expanded membership list that in- same rate, no one will gain an advantage over which can contribute greatly to the coordina- Four of Britain’s biggest banks are discussing a plan cludes emerging economies such as China and others but everyone will face infl ationary pres- tion of macroeconomic policies, especially at to pay out smaller bonuses this year and to increase Russia. Against the backdrop of growing unease sures that will threaten their economy. Devalua- times of great uncertainty. There is a grow- lending to small businesses. over the potential impact of a currency war, the tion will also have a net negative impact on the ing consensus amongst the G-20 leaders that According to insiders familiar with the negotia- leaders of the twenty member countries agreed economy as importers suffer from higher prices international economic cooperation is neces- tions, the Financial Services Authority is involved in to a broad goal of containing the rise of large of goods denominated in foreign currencies. sary given the growing interdependence of the the talks and a joint statement is expected before current account defi cits or surpluses. The countries are now trapped in a classic ‘Pris- countries. France, the next chair of the group, is Christmas. The agreement seemed then to be a tempo- oners’ Dilemma’: while every country will gain optimistic that it will have growing clout as the The banks that are involved are Barclays, HSBC, rary truce and now, less than two weeks since if the promises are kept, the high payoff gained main platform for international governmental Royal Bank of Scotland and Standard Chartered. the warm hand-shakes and smiles, several from unilateral devaluation will eventually co-ordination. The deal is seen as coming amid pressure from the governments have resumed ‘talking down’ the cause a race to become the fi rst country to re- It remains to be seen how effective the G20 Government, which now owns large stakes in British price of their currencies, with a potential view sume lowering its currency value. This prompts summit will be at tackling the issue of trade banks, including controlling shares in the Royal Bank towards further monetary easing. The “Seoul other countries to react with similar measures, imbalances. By actively involving the emerg- of Scotland. Action Plan” was reminiscent of many previ- and everyone will be worse off as a result. ing economies in multilateral dialogue, it may It is also being seen as a potential forerunner to ous, toothless, international monetary agree- Moreover, emerging countries that stood by have the highest chance of establishing a global increased intervention in the sector, with the new ments with its promise to “pursue the full range the market mechanisms rather than resorting to framework for monetary policies since Bretton Coalition already committed to enforcing the previ- of policies conducive to reducing excessive currency control will be hard pressed to stem Woods in 1944. However, international agree- ous Labour Government’s policy of forcing banks to imbalances.” The pledge made during the Pitts- the upward spiral of their currency. As the val- ments of this kind on their own rarely mean reveal the names of any executives making over £1 burgh G-20 summit last year had a similar ring ue of US Dollars weakened due to the Federal much. Only when the G-20 makes real progress million in bonuses. to it, and countries have yet to uphold it with Reserve’s quantitative easing measures, capi- on cooling the current currency confl icts will it concrete policies. Now in the aftermath of the tal fl owed elsewhere as investors looked for earn any credibility as a body capable of solv- fi nancial crisis, politicians are even less likely higher yields. The destinations of such capital ing global economic problems. Ooo-er, I say. There’s no need to rush on Friday morning Read Felix from home at felixonline.co.uk from 7am every Friday. Now get dressed you naughty boy! 18 Friday 26 November 2010 FELIX
Politics Editors: Hassan Joudi, Rory Fenton James Lees, Rajat Jain POLITICS [email protected] The world beyond College walls North Korea attacks – an act of desperation?
orth Korea’s unprovoked at- worst violations’ of the armistice which ended as a weak choice to head the world’s fourth tack this Tuesday on a South the Korean War in 1953. But far from show- largest standing army. Gambia Korean island, just 120km ing strength, many analysts are suggesting Writing for Felix before Tuesday’s attacks, from Seoul, threatened to that the attacks signal the fi nal thrashes of a Lord David Alton (chair of the All Party Com- break the fragile peace with its dying beast. Rumours abound that North Ko- mittee on North Korea) sheds some revealing Gambia has severed all diplomatic and economic ties southern neighbour. Resulting in the death of rea’s aging ruler, Kim Jong Il, is in poor health light on the state of the isolated country, fol- with Iran and expelled all Iranian diplomats and Ntwo soldiers and two civilians, the artillery as- and many have questioned his choice of his lowing his recent visit there, and suggests a state representatives. sault was denounced by the UN as ‘one of the youngest son, Kim Jong Un, who is perceived path to peace. Gambian offi cials did not offer any explanation for the move, which Iran claims was taken under US pressure. The recent interception of Iranian arms bound for Gam- bia in violation of UN Security Council resolutions may have played a role in Gambia’s decision. The decision to Standing tall but – Switzerland and the UK, perhaps – and held sever all ties with Iran could be costly for the West Af- in Beijing, could enable the North and South to rican nation as several formally end the War, and to conclude a Peace Iranian funded proj- crumbling inside: Treaty. This would transform the situation; and ects, including a £1.3 breathe new life into the six party talks on de- billion agreement to Lord David Alton nuclearisation. supply Gambia with Throughout the Cold War, the West coun- heavy and commer- of Liverpool tered Soviet aggression with formidable de- cial vehicles, will now fences. come to an end. Simultaneously, through the Helsinki Pro- cess, Margaret Thatcher and Ronald Reagan, The North Korean State has been constructed elevated discourse on human rights and funda- on the ideology of Juche - total self reliance: mental freedoms. Through engagement, they South Korea “man is the master of everything and decides encouraged economic and political reform. everything.” Some people describe this as a re- Today on the Korean peninsula we need “Hel- ligion without God. sinki, with a Korean face.” South Korea says it will retaliate with missile strikes In the heart of Pyongyang, on the banks of Writing in “Peace While Advancing Rights: Pyongyang – crumbling from within? against the North if faced with “further provoca- the city’s Taedong River, opposite Kim Il Sung The Untried Approach to North Korea” the tions”, after an exchange of fire in which two South Square, stands the Juche Tower. Completed in American analyst, David Hawk, also advocates Korean marines and civilians were killed. 15 South 1982, to celebrate Kim Il Sung’s 70th birth- this approach. Korean soldiers and 3 civilians were also hurt in the inci- day, at 170 metres the Tower stands margin- 2010 is the sixtieth anniversary of the Ko- Without over exaggerating the outcomes, or dent when the North bombarded Yeonpyeong Island with ally taller than the Washington Monument, on rean War – which claimed the lives of an esti- slipping into a self congratulatory naivety, over artillery. The island lies near the disputed Northern Limit which it appears to be modelled. To my eye, mated 3 million Korean people. Almost 38,000 the past seven years I have doggedly raised Line which serves as a de facto border between the two it appears more like the Tower of Babel – the American and British soldiers died, along with questions of political and religious freedom Koreas. South Korean President Lee called the incident construction of which is described in the Book 183,000 Chinese. and human rights with the North Koreans. an attack on South Korean territory and deployed mili- of Genesis and revolves around man’s determi- The DMZ, at the 38th parallel which di- And I have witnessed some modest develop- tary jets to Yeonpyeong Island. The North meanwhile nation to compete with God. Whilst making my vides the country, bristles with weapons and, ments – the building of a Russian Orthodox disputes the incident claiming that it was in self defence third visit to North Korea, I was taken to see the in a country where malnutrition is wide-spread, church, the opening of a Protestant seminary, after South Korea fired shells into its territory. North Ko- Juche Tower. North Korea diverts its meagre resources into and signifi cant English language teaching pro- rea is facing a looming succession to ailing leader Kim Perhaps symbolising both the current condi- sustaining the world’s fourth largest standing grammes in the universities and schools. But, in Jong Il and the recent aggression could be an attempt by tion of North Korea’s economy, and its desper- army of one million men. The situation is made a year when there have been further reports of his heir Kim Jong Un to burnish his credentials amongst ate need for more than self reliance, my em- even more dangerous by the addition of a nu- the execution of Christians in North Korea, we the military hardliners. barrassed guide explained that we could not clear capability. should not become complacent - and continue ascend, as debris was falling from within, onto Since the 1953 Armistice there have been in- to work for the sort of change that brought the the elevator. The situation, he explained, was termittent spats and skirmishes – some, like the peaceful collapse of the the Berlin Wall. very dangerous – it seemed an appropriately sinking of the South Korean vessel, Cheonan, Given that the United Nations say that Canada graphic metaphor. in March this year, with loss of life; others, like 300,000 people still languish in North Korean No nation wants to be in thrall to others, es- the recent shots fi red across the border repre- camps, many because of religious convictions, pecially one that experienced half a century sent bellicose sabre rattling. I am particularly struck by the positive impact British Columbia’s Supreme Court has begun hear- of Japanese occupation, but isolation has not For nearly sixty years there has been neither of faith-based initiatives and the determination ings on whether Canada’s anti-polygamy law violates served North Korea well. war nor peace – merely a shaky stop-gap ar- of Christians to remain engaged. the freedom of religion guaranteed by the Constitution. Beyond North Korea’s sloganeering rhetoric mistice. The US has no diplomatic presence - The brand new Pyongyang University of Sci- The case will focus on a breakaway Mormon sect which and the proud braggadocio is a nation which although Britain opened an embassy a decade ence and Technology (PUST) established by has practised multiple marriages since the 1940s. Canada senses change in the air. ago. the charismatic Dr.James Chin Kyung Kim, is has so far declined to prosecute polygamists, fearing that The Soviet model is discredited; its powerful I was in the country in my capacity as Chair- a fi ne example. the 19th century anti-polygamy law could be declared un- neighbour, China, is in the throes of a liberal- man of the British All-Party Parliamentary And he is not alone: an American Catholic constitutional. 36 witnesses, including women in polyga- ising revolution; and North Korea knows that Committee on North Korea – founded follow- priest, Fr. Gerry Hammond, has now legally mous marriages, are expected to testify in court. British self reliance will not be enough. ing my fi rst visit in 2003. Three years earlier entered North Korea on 43 occasions, taking Columbian officials want to pursue polygamy cases, say- Senior offi cials, including the Speaker of Britain had created diplomatic relations and we life saving medicines and equipment to combat ing that it causes serious social harm and has no place in their Assembly, Choe Tae Bok, insisted to me have had an embassy in the country ever since. tuberculosis; other projects aim to increase rice Canadian society. Supporters of polygamy, however, con- that over the next two years the new priorities Our Ambassadors and parliamentarians have yields and harvests. tend that it is their right to form the type of families they are “prosperity and dignity” with a “unifi ed, been pursuing a painstaking and patient strat- Men like Fr. Gerry and James Kim represent want as guaranteed by the Constitution. denuclearised Korea” as their fi rst objective. egy of constructive critical engagement. the way in which Korea can move on. As the The West should listen carefully and respond This needs to be taken to its logical conclu- debris falling from within the Juche Tower un- Edited by Kenneth Lee appropriately. The alternative does not bear sion: a new Peace Conference, jointly con- derlines, to ignore a crumbling structure is to thinking about. vened by a neutral nation and by a combatant create an even more dangerous situation. FELIX Friday 26 November 2010 19 POLITICS
Debating Israel and Palestine
Navid Nabijou ture dialogue. In addition to the speak- ing.” But Mr. Gidor countered these of the same coin.” And in his closing debate wore on, sectarian disputes over ers, the organisers are to thank for this arguments, referring to past experience remarks, Mr. Gidor stated plainly: “oc- history, from both sides, started to take Last Tuesday IC Debating Society, Is- who, anticipating the diffi culties of such with disengagement in Gaza and stating: cupation is wrong.” hold. Mr. Braunold interjected with a raeli Society and Palestinian Society an event, took steps to ensure the format “No Israeli government which is demo- The debate covered issues too nu- sincere “plea” to the audience: “There collaborated, bringing together four was as non-adversarial as possible. cratically elected is going to voluntarily merous and too complex to cover ade- are people with different opinions in prominent speakers to discuss the Is- Mr. Judelson was joined by Ran Gidor commit political suicide by evacuating quately in this space. To name but a few: here, and you will never be able to agree raeli-Palestinian confl ict under the title: of the Israeli embassy in London, Ghada the settlements without getting a peace the power asymmetry between the two on the history of things … Stop point “The Debate for Peace”. Karmi of the Institute of Arab and Is- treaty in return.” sides, the role of the United States in the scoring. It won’t help anyone.” In his closing remarks, Dan Judelson, lamic Studies and Joel Braunold of One- On the subject of occupation, Mr. peace process and the plausibility of a This captures the essence of what former chair of Jews for Justice for Pal- Voice, a movement working towards a Braunold said near the beginning of the single-state solution. This is not, and nor made the debate so successful. There estinians, echoed the feelings of many in peaceful resolution of the Israeli-Pales- debate: “Israel will not enjoy security as should it be, a comprehensive report of was a fair amount of “point scoring” the room by describing the event as “one tinian confl ict. long as it is occupying the Palestinians. the event; you just “had to be there.” from both sides; but there was also a of the most good-natured discussions Unsurprisingly, the major issues such It cannot.” Israeli security – an issue At the start of the discussion, Mr. Ju- good deal of real, honest, constructive I’ve ever had on the subject.” While such as settlements, security and refugees many of her citizens feel very strongly delson stressed the importance of people dialogue; dialogue aimed at a lasting debates often tend to regress into parti- featured prominently. Mr. Braunold about – was raised on a number of oc- putting their individual narratives aside peace agreement, rather than a tempo- san heckling, Tuesday’s event managed, lamented that “at the moment all Pal- casions. Mr. Braunold maintained that in order to make progress towards a rary feeling of moral superiority. No side for the most part, to develop a more ma- estinians can see is settlements expand- occupation and security were “two sides workable compromise. However, as the “won”, but everyone gained something.
A gimmick or new era of transparency? Hassan Joudi assesses the coalition’s new openness website
arlier this month, David the offi cial record of debates in the departments represents the fulfi lling of introduced in January 2011, including Transparency International, a respected Cameron launched a new Houses of Parliament. a Conservative Party manifesto promise. the publication of all local government Berlin-based NGO that campaigns to government “transparency” In addition, www.Data.gov.uk is a This was broadly to “publish data so the reduce levels of public sector corrup- website as part of his Big government initiative launched in Janu- public can hold government to account.” tion. Society plans for Britain. ary 2010, designed to link data pub- This was among many others Big So- The new standards On the About Us page of TheyWork- Visitors to www.number10.gov.uk/ lished by public bodies in one place, ciety ideas expounded by the Conserva- are greater than any- ForYou, their stated aim is to help bridge Etransparency will be welcomed by three ranging from local police crime statis- tive Party in the run up to the May 2010 the gap between we the people, and our live items: “Business plans”, “Who does tics to money spent by NHS Primary general election, including a Big Society thing ever seen be- MPs, in the belief that “there is little what in Whitehall” and “Who ministers Care Trusts. Bank to provide fi nance to charities and wrong with Parliament that a healthy are meeting.” The opening sentence Away from the web, legislation like NGOs, and a National Citizen Service fore in the UK mixture of transparency and public en- boldly declares “We want to be the most the Freedom of Information Act 2000 for 16 year olds. gagement won’t fi x.” In a way, this new open and transparent government in the introduced by the previous Labour gov- “We’re shining a bright light of trans- “transparency” website is perhaps trying world.” ernment (came into force in 2005) has parency on everything government spending above £500. to extend this principle from Parliament Ever since the MPs expenses scandal arguably brought a whole new level of does,” was among David Cameron’s It is hoped that the mass of published to government departments and the civil in 2009, “changing politics” or “clean- transparency to British politics. It allows carefully crafted sound bites in the web- data will spur enterprising NGOs, think- service too. ing up Westminster” have become oft- members of the public and businesses to site launch speech. The new standards tanks, charities and companies to take Just a few week’s old, an optimistic repeated phrases. The episode has been request access to information held by for transparency the government has set hold of this data and use it, manipulate it view of this new “transparency” website disastrous for Britain’s confi dence in its certain public authorities which is not itself are certainly greater than anything and campaign for the change they want would be to call it a revolution, a new elected representatives. But could this freely available, and despite the numer- ever seen before in the UK. To select a government to do. In theory, all these era in British politics and bringing gov- “transparency” website initiative start to ous exemption clauses the act contains, few examples, from now on all central private institutions will be engaged in ernance into the 21st century. Pessimists turn back the tide? has exposed many revealing facts that government spending above £25,000 is the public debate, whilst also pressur- would usher it away as nothing new, just It can be argued Britain is an already were formally state secrets. After all, to be published, as are all tender docu- ing for high standards of performance in more data on top of the thousands of extremely transparent nation, with web- the MPs expenses scandal began from a ments for government contracts over public services. PDFs already published on government sites like www.TheyWorkForYou.com FOIA request by a journalist in Febru- £10,000 and the organograms (organ- Viewing Britain on the global stage, department websites, or a copy of La- that present what each and every MP ary 2008. isational charts) of each department in the country is apparently the 20th least bour’s Public Service Agreements under says in parliamentary debates, their vot- So is this new government “transpar- a common format. The Financial Times corrupt nation. This is according to a different name. But still in its infancy, ing record and expenses claimed. It ency” website anything new? Perhaps described the coalition as “creating a the 2010 CPI (Corruption Perceptions only time will tell how useful a resource works by employing open source code the business plans are. The publishing rod for its own back.” Moreover, there Index), a ranking of all 178 countries www.number10.gov.uk/transparency to aggregate the content from Hansard, of “business plans” for all government are further transparency standards to be in the world produced every year by will become. 20 FRIDAY 26 NOVEMBER 2010 felix
Comment Editor: Anna Perman COMMENT [email protected] FELIX Losing proportion Justice is a powerful word Today’s strident, aggressive atheists want to fit under the and it must not be misused umbrella of ‘secular humanism’ – but do they deserve to? Justice is a powerful word. It can transcend borders to liberate the wrongly accused, to Illustration by Ben Kennedy rescue the vulnerable and to topple govern- ments. If used cynically, however, it can pro- vide a veneer of respectability where it is not deserved. One of the senior editors on this news- paper is an Iraqi Muslim; another is an Is- raeli Jew. We understand what it means to feel threatened on campus, and know how hurtful it can be to have people presume to speak in your name. Consequently, the pur- pose of this editorial is not to attack Impe- Gilead Amit rial’s Islamic Society, but rather to defend its Muslim students. With Islamic societies around the coun- owards the end of my sec- try under increasing scrutiny from official ond year at Imperial, I was quarters, Muslim students are right to feel approached by the chair of vulnerable and targeted. The world is clearly what was then the Athe- suspicious and worried of what goes on be- ist and Agnostic Society hind the closed doors of British campuses, with a view to becoming his successor and so long as the enemy is seen to be at Tas official Union Antichrist. Owing to the gates, the temptation will be to pull up a number of other commitments that If you turn your back on those you disagree with, take care whiwhich way you end up facing... the drawbridge and man the battlements. would have made Beelzebub blanch, I But further isolation is not the answer. Na- regretfully declined. Much to my cha- tional and religious societies have a respon- grin, the society has since done likewise. sense behind taking the journey. Atheism is not a way of life. sibility towards their members to ensure Now, older and wiser as the special- A credible justification for this prefer- that they represent all views in an open, ists suppose me to be, I look back on ence arises from the comparative lack It is not a mindset. It is not positive atmosphere. Such societies are in that decision with tremendous gratitude of extremism displayed by believers in the unique position of having a membership towards my former self. I hasten to add smurfs or gnomes – although people a school of thought. It is a which could not be more different when it that this has nothing to do with the ludi- who find Miranda Hart amusing are ca- comes to age, choice of degree, background crous suggestion that I have since found pable of any monstrosity. Nonetheless, it consequence of a rational mind or political leaning. And yet when the society god, nor to the frankly terrifying sug- is true that the ubiquity of religious be- speaks, it speaks for everyone. The bonus gestion that god has since found me. lief in America still precludes the elec- – inevitable, but not unique of having large numbers of students who My issue with any grouping of indi- tion of an openly atheistic President, and are reliant on you for help and pastoral care viduals based on a common atheism accusations of blasphemy can still cause brings with it a responsibility to represent is that such a grouping entirely misses writers and cartoonists to run for cover. ians of rationalism there is an unforgiv- their views with sensitivity. the point. Atheism is not a way of life. None of that interests me for the mo- able aggression towards those espousing There has been little of this inclusive spirit It is not a mindset. It is not a school ment. This piece is unlikely to reach the the supernatural or the spiritual. visible on campus over the past five days. of thought. Individuals for whom the depths of the Bible Belt, and my charm- The sad truth is that we are not autom- This week, coinciding as it did with National refutation of a creator is an overriding ing though prolix style is unlikely to ata capable of making decisions based Interfaith Week, could have been an unpar- preoccupation seem to me to be leading win me over any supporters in the Vati- “entirely on a sequence of logical deci- alleled opportunity for openness and dia- narrow and unimaginative lives. At any can. The only people that matter to me sions. We gloriously and subjectively logue. A chance to show critics that Islamic rate, certainly no broader or more imag- are you – the readers, and the only is- prefer yellow to red, choose to listen to societies are decidedly not, as is frequently inative than those who are preoccupied sue I feel comfortable addressing is the Verdi over Wagner, and irrationally love and unfairly claimed, sites of radicalisation with proving the creator’s existence. tenor of debate on campus. our partners more than the billions of al- and extremism. Atheism, for all its importance in And as far as I’m concerned, something ternatives the world has to offer. These Instead, Muslim students on campus were this 21st Century world of Dawkins, somewhere has gone terribly wrong with are not decisions” we can justify or ex- presented with a series of events dedicated Hitchens and Ratzinger, is no more than the way self-styled ‘secular humanists’ plain – and so long as we are aware of to a decidedly one-sided view of justice in a consequence of having a logically deal with their religious confrères. Lean this demon in the machinery there is no Islam. These consisted of talks on the ex- trained mind. Inevitable, but in no way back in your chairs for a moment, and reason to suspect we are any the poorer ploitation of the third world, human rights noteworthy. To claim that a non-belief in join me on a little thought experiment. for it. violations in Gaza and Guantanamo, and the god should somehow be the dust jacket Not to worry – won’t take a minute. Humanism at its most fundamental Islamic view of capitalism. illustration for post-Enlightenment hu- Which would you rather be: a lone atheist level embraces the individual over the Are these the injustices that Muslims manism is to show a tragically warped in a group of religious students, or a lone organisation. Our right to be free of feel need combating? Not the genocide in view of what is contained in the blurb. Christian, say, who has fallen in with overarching religious dogmas or politi- the Sudan, or the murder of Kurds in Tur- The rational thinker will not find suf- Dawkinsians? Which would make you cal affiliations, and our duty to respect key? Not the victimising of Muslim women ficient evidence for the existence of a feel more comfortable? Where, to use a each other in this one life we possess. and homosexuals in Iran and Saudi Arabia god – any god – in the world as we know loathsome weasel word, would you feel It saddens me that those who claim to or the limitations imposed on democracy in it. This is hardly a unique conclusion, as that you were being respected? be motivated by such sentiments are so Syria and Egypt? These are issues that tran- they will also fail to find evidence for Were I asking this question at the blindly set on neglecting them when it scends political viewpoint or selective apa- gnomes, ogres, unicorns, smurfs or any height of Torquemada’s excesses in gives them a chance to sneer at others. thy: if you claim to associate yourself with trace of humour in BBC 2’s Miranda. Spain, or in the presence of the sinis- Have your say on One does not become a bigger person the concept of Justice, these are questions The need to trumpet any one, logically ter cronies of medievalist ayatollahs, I by knocking down someone else’s god you must answer. unremarkable stop along this mental would perhaps expect a different answer. this article at – one becomes a bigger person by throt- highway seems to me to undermine the But among today’s enthusiastic guard- felixonline.co.uk tling one’s own ego. felix FRIDAY 26 novemBER 2010 21
The opinions expressed on the Comment pages represent the views of the author only. COMMENT Don’t be a James Geekiness goes beyond gaming Blunt... Anyone can claim to have saved his week I played some vid- some remarkable ignorance on her part. Here’s the thing; videogames are cool the world. I stopped the toast eogames. You might think Maybe she thought the party was cel- now. Almost everyone plays them, and from going that little bit too that this isn’t particularly ebrating some new, very interactive film very few people genuinely would be brown this morning. I don’t announcement–worthy in or something. Mike goes on to explain disgusted to meet someone who wrote know it yet, but this could have an age of Farmville and Be- how horrible she was, and then remark about them for a living. Of course, that saved the world. jewelled. On the face of it, videogames that her kind is ‘dying out’, in a rather gave gamers an identity: The Underdog. James Blunt has claimed that Tare part of our culture now. But read a ominous sentence. Then it’s time for the Now that’s gone, it seems some of them he stopped World War III from gaming fansite or web forum and you’d rallying call. Over to Mike for this bit: - particularly journalists, for whom this happening. Single handedly, on be forgiven for thinking we were in the “We’re not there yet, though, and you role generated a lot of material - are real- his own, and with no other input. middle of a cultural apartheid. and I are just leading the charge. No ising that role hasn’t been replaced with Somehow I doubt that the Brit- Does anyone actually care about vide- matter how cool it is that more people something exciting or sexy. They’re ish high command would have ogames any more? I’m talking about the are gaming...there are still going to be now just ‘dude who plays videogames’. delegated the whole decision Angry Geek giggling disdain that used to be poured people who think we’re worthless hu- So this week, readers, I played vide- of attacking Russian troops in on people who play them. I’m not sure man belly button fluff. But you know ogames. That’s it. Maybe you read a the Balkans to a warbling and this actually exists any more, and weird- what? They’re wrong and we’re right. book. I respect your choice of entertain- arrogant crooner. If they did, ly, the gaming hardcore seem to be pin- Remember that.” ment and don’t wish to bring any judge- then this makes me feel for the ing for its return. Mike Channell wrote Please bear in mind that Mike reviews ment against you. However, if you see quality of our beloved armed on the Official XBox Magazine Blog videogames in exchange for a monthly any Mike Channells out there this week, forces. If every captain in the that “Games won’t get you the girl - salary. He isn’t leading a guerilla re- be sure to round them up and execute army was going to get a little bit yet” last week. The piece is a genuinely sistance movement or fighting against them on sight. The only thing making too cocksure on patrol and re- unbelievable anecdote about meeting a social oppression. Instead of playing gaming unpopular these days are the lease something into the world ‘reasonably cute’ girl (so kind, Mike) at games in the evening, someone is will- ove rcompensating twunts who thought comparable to fingernails being a game launch party. ing to pay him to do it during the day, it would always be that way. dragged down a blackboard, Bearing in mind that Miss Above Av- on the condition he writes about them a then I’m surprised there aren’t “Here’s the thing; erage Looks was attending a party de- bit. That’s it. He closes with this killer Are you, or is someone you know, more deserters. ‘Beautiful’ be- signed to celebrate a videogame, Mike shot: “Farewell angry lady, I hope one Mike Channell? Do you know some- ing played at full pitch as I try videogames are cool claims she was surprised and disgusted day you’re having as much fun as I am.” one affected by Mike Channell? to keep the peace is more likely to learn what Mike did for a living. If ZING. Don’t hold out, Mike! Go for Feel free not to get in touch at anan- to make me scream in anguish now.” she really was surprised, then that’s the jugular! [email protected] and turn the gun on myself rather than shoot any Russian troops. So maybe he has a very tentative point. As tentative a point as a hooker has a choice about positions. An input, but no real claim. Imagine that Aqua come out Three lambs on the shirt and claim they made David Cameron the annoying prat, but arack Obama has some- better World Cup is not the issue. It is al pedigree and has failed to instill any nonetheless prime minister, thing in common with the their respective responses to a tourna- freshness into the squad. that he is today. It’s not that ab- England Football team. ment as poor as the latest Justin Bieber Managers aside, football teams can- surd a claim compared to World For good or bad, he made single that are markedly different. not win big trophies without the best War III kicking off to the sound politics interesting again The French players apologised to the goalkeepers. Or to paraphrase Jose of Back to Bedlam. Maybe the during the 2008 Presidential campaign. fans. Manager Raymond Domenech Mourinho, you cannot make the best twee and trashy 90s Europop YetB since he has been in power, his ap- was swiftly ushered out, and in his place omelettes without the best eggs. Spain, caused David to be the man he proval ratings have started to drop as came Laurent Blanc. In his first game in the current World Champions, boast is today. Somehow I doubt it. people realise with just how unreachable charge, Blanc suspended every player two of the world’s finest keepers – one It reminds me of ridiculous their levels of expectation were. from the World Cup squad as a collec- who plays for Real Madrid, the other for claims in the acceptance Meanwhile, at every World Cup or tive punishment. Wednesday’s victory Barcelona. England have a dearth of de- speeches of arseholes that European Championship, and each was another step towards the team’s cent goalies, and the first-choice keepers masquerade as actors. There’s Charles Betts time England hires a new manager the gradual renewal. for the top three Premier League teams never enough use and execu- entire country cries “Football’s coming England responded to a dismal so- are not English. The same applies with tion of the word understated. If home!” the inevitable ensues, as Eng- journ in South Africa by keeping Fabio strikers. England can only boast Wayne the world of celebrity was a lit- land fall embarrassingly far of their am- Capello in charge. Not because they had Rooney, who failed to score at the World tle bit more David Mitchell than bitions. The fans are as deluded as the confidence in his abilities, but because Cup. Crouch, Defoe, and C. Cole are Bez from the Happy Mondays, Apprentice candidates. he was too expensive to dismiss. On a not world class – they lack, forgive the the world would be free of peo- The final straw came last Wednesday £6 million/year salary, the Italian would expression, the X factor. They are per- ple like me face–palming at eve- when France beat a dismal three lions cost the FA £10 million to sack. By ennial underachievers, the footballing ry corner. Not only is the image 2-1 on English turf, at Wembley. comparison, the French Football Feder- equivalent of Tim Henman. of repetitive face–palming comi- This summer, France had the worst ation pays Blanc around £900,000/year. The team will remain unchanged right cal, it’s also resolutely annoying World Cup of all football powerhouses For the record, Barack Obama earns up until the end of Euro 2012. Whether to the person concerned. – after only qualifying thanks to the circa £250,000/year – who do you think this continuity will bring them closer So James, if we are to believe hand of Thierry Henry. They mustered represents the best value for money? together and improve performances, or a man who once sung to a pup- only one point in the group stages, los- It is incredulous that the FA are foolish just prolong the inevitable string of sub- pet because he lost his triangle “England fans ing to lightweights Mexico and South enough to think they can win a trophy standard results remains to be seen. One and missed its hypotenuse, ob- Africa. The players went on strike (it is by throwing money at an Italian who can thing is for certain – in the short term, viously a code name for ‘a hell are as deluded their national sport) boycotting a train- barely speak English, has a strained rela- the fans will continue to boo, much to of a lot of dope’, and that you ing session, and their best striker Nico- tionship with the players, and has done Wayne Rooney’s pathetic chagrin. did in fact save the world, then as the Apprentice las Anelka was sent home like a naughty little to rejuvenate a stale team since tak- So much for the “The Audacity of thank you. Thank you so much school boy. ing over from Steve McLaren. Capello’s Hope”, it is all rather more “The Delu- James. Rob Cleaver candidates” That England only had a marginally club record aside, he has no internation- sion of Hope.” Dodgeball If you can dodge a wrench... you can dodge a ball
Do you want to do a centrefold? Email [email protected] 24 FRIDAY 26 november 2010 felix
Comment Editor: Anna Perman COMMENT [email protected] All this Royal Wedding tosh has got me reminiscing... The F-word. Not that one
Very fleetingly, at the age of nine I had a spe- efore you begin to read, please excuse fessional help immediately...please?) cial interest in marrying Prince Harry. I chose the crumbs. Secondly, and perhaps most importantly effort Harry over William believing us to be better I love to snack while I write. I’m not must go into the food. As a rule, I am totally against suited if we were closer in age (6 years picky; from the humble chocolate di- ready-meals, after one particularly bad experience. rather than 8). I then proceeded to foster gestive, perfectly married with a nice I once tried curry from a can – to this day, I have no sincere hopes of such a relationship in the cup of tea; to a sandwich in the small hours, filled conclusive evidence that it wasn’t dog food. future. My ideas of the wedding were Barbie- withB whatever in the fridge doesn’t move when I Thirdly, sugar, fat, calories; these all improve like, i.e. there would be a carriage drawn by touch it; to an entire roast chicken with all the trim- a meal ten-fold. As a medical student I really four white horses. (At that time I didn’t see mings, not forgetting the gravy. shouldn’t be advising that you inject cream into Barbie for the tart she is; check out how But the point is that I love to cook. Every new your omelettes with a syringe so use half cream easy she is when she encounters Ken in Toy recipe that doesn’t result in a trip to A&E is a suc- instead. Again, this is obvious – how appetising is Story 3, that ho bag.) Rhys Davies cess for me, another notch in my wooden spoon. a salad? Cottage cheese? Muesli? Are you salivat- However my fantasies were short-lived; I However, I have been burned, and not just liter- ing yet? No, I didn’t think so. Now think about a had some intense Spice Girls dance routine ally. For example, the difference between a korma plate full of bacon and egg, with beans, fried toma- practise to do. Ok that’s not strictly true. and an apocalyptic fire-storm when adding jalapeño toes and fried bread. Would you like a towel? I can I never got to do the dance routines. they peppers to a curry can be as small as a factor of comfortably say without hyperbole that a full Eng- would never let “the Lesbian Monster” have ten. Accidents like this are why most of my lower lish breakfast cooked by my house–mate will raise a go. Honest to god, I did have this nick- intestine is currently stored in a glass jar in Charing the dead. It works wonders on a Monday morning name at primary school; it’s a long story Cross Hospital. But these aren’t failures – they are hangover. so let’s just say we frequently played Kiss- lessons by which to improve my artistry. With these three tenets behind you, you cannot chase in the playground with the boys and I “I once tried curry I have come to learn that, in order to make a good go far wrong in the kitchen. However, the most must have got confused or something. meal, food must satisfy three principles. important lesson I’ve learnt is that the best meals Sad ugly loner memories aside, Prince from a can – to Firstly, the food must taste good. This can mean are those you make yourself. This is something that William got engaged to Kate Middleton. So solving lengthy equations to find the correct bal- applies not just in the kitchen, but in all rooms of WHAT? Wouldn’t you rather read about my this day, I have no ance of different spices or it can be as simple as the house and beyond. Whatever life throws at you, fascinating life? Not that I gave you much choosing strawberry jam over Marmite when look- don’t choose the gentle path and don’t choose the choice – see above. But with my rampant evidence it wasn’t ing for something to spread on toast. (I don’t want difficult path. Make your own path and see where egoism duly noted, I shall instead educate to start any arguments over this so I’ll say it plainly. it goes! you in spouse selection. Much more relevant dog food” Marmite lovers, you are against nature. Seek pro- Also, make sure to wash up as you go. than the Royal Wedding. I hope you deem me qualified to do so despite my somewhat homosexual experiences. Love makes people do silly things, like err… oh crap, can’t give an example from Letters my loveless personal life… Hold on, lemme think. So some poor Medic geezer falls head over heels for a hot Civenger (yes, that’s To the students of Imperial College London, ging behind the rest of the university. Italians, to acquire news, barely mention his right, interfaculty relations - doomed before I cannot, with clear conscience, undertake a escapades. The pensioners, the religious, the the off but hey, how’s a fresher to know). I sincerely regret to hereby resign from the post role without giving it my absolute best and due entrepreneurs, the housewives who vote for Three minutes after texting her, he’s yearn- of ICU Disabilities Officer. to my very heavy academic workload and own him often do not get to know of his crimes. ing for a reply. When he hears nothing after For those of you who do not know me, my health problems, I regret that I can no longer Who will tell the public that the man who sup- another minute he thinks his phone must name is Nicola Hopkins and I was elected as continue in this position. ports the Christian family sees 17 year olds and have been on silent (ignoring the fact that Imperial’s first Union Disabilities Officer. I am prostitutes, that he is associated with the mafia his silent mode actually involves vibration). also completing my final year of an MSci in Nicola Hopkins and drug rings? It’s certainly not going to be After checking his sound mode for the third Physics and have mobility issues of my own. his media. time, he envisions what she might be doing I am sure that those of you who have met While Italy isn’t at the level of Greece and that has prevented her perfectly formed fin- me will attest to the fact that I was eager to others, it’s not doing well. Italy’s inherent eco- gers from typing a text back. fulfil this role to the best of my abilities. Un- nomic strength allows it to remain afloat, but And when, inevitably, his love is unrequited fortunately, this role has expanded to the point Dear Sir this cannot last indefinitely. Italy’s the last of (an apparently painful experience that in- where it is not possible to undertake as a volun- the pack when it comes to the great European duces uncharacteristic song-writing tenden- tary part time role. As I come from a certain country in southern economies, and losing terrain. Berlusconi is cies) he keeps calling her but with claims Before the new term began, I raised the is- Europe, I am already vexed enough by our doing little to nothing to stop this. of friendship. She accepts in order to avoid sue of the lack of disabled access to the new leader, who appears often on every medium in Even if the left is lethargic, there is a line be- being thought a bitch, fully knowing his less Union venues and that the disabled lift in the Italy. tween being useless and being harmful for the than innocent intentions. Thus she rips his Union Building is faulty and therefore unus- I was taken aback when I saw him eyeing me country, and Berlusconi crosses it. heart to pieces indefinitely. able for disabled students. Neither issue has from Felix; my disconcert grew when I saw I think that if Italian politicians had had a bit So, my marriage-material criteria: 1. They been resolved to date (8 weeks later) and I feel that the article condoned his practices. more bravery, Berlusconi would have never are in love with you. 2. You are not in love that the lack of urgency over these matters is Berlusconi’s values are antiquated, and it been allowed to get where he his today. They with them. Look out for the ones that say disappointing, especially given that Imperial’s shows: other than the “better to be like girls” bargained with him and tolerated his nefarious they’d “do anything” for you, those are the Disability Equality Scheme states that all “re- remark, he also said “no” to a “multicultural presence. keepers. That way, for the duration of your furbishments have considered accessibility as a Italy” and suggested that unemployed women They trusted the people to realise that he’s marriage (a period which ideally takes up the major priority”. marry rich to escape poverty. corrupt and dangerous, but obviously this did majority of your life), you can keep a clear I am sure that the Union will eventually deem This reflects in his policies as well as giving not happen. head whilst your partner is in the giddy and that the expense at this juncture will be worth a certain image of Italy abroad. Italy consist- The argument that Italy would suffer without crucially, malleable haze of love. it to allow all members of the student body to ently ranks poorly whenever women in politics him doesn’t stand. actively participate in university life and sin- are considered, as well as being behind in gay Berlusconi is a dreadful politician and a By Alexandra Nowbar cerely hope that the appropriate adaptions will rights. dreadful person, and everyone should know be made in due course. It is not an either/or choice whether to attack this. At the Student Union, we should be leading his “values” or his policies. The main televi- the way in accessibility for students, not lag- sion news programs, the only way, for most Pietro Aronica ever wondered how the world might end? I,SCIENCEfind out exactly how in THE SCIENCE MAGAZINE OF IMPERIAL COLLEGE next issue out 10th december FIND I, SCIENCE AT ALL NORMAL FELIX DISTRIBUTION POINTS A FELIX Publication 26 Friday 26 NOVEMBER 2010 FELIX
Arts Editor: Rox Middleton ARTS [email protected] If you read nothing else this week... Imperial Talent, Class Chris Self, Broadsheet Editor, For possibly the fi rst time, all three of our drama societies are s chooses fi ction dealing with anarchism and libertarianism by Imperial students. We meet the playwrights to talk about th Photo by Kadhim Shubber Do you all want to start by telling us a bit by about what your plays are like? Atlas Shrugged Ayn Rand Gilead: Let’s see, mine is a musical revue in the traditional sense of a revue, lots of catchy Communism is dead. The fi nal failure of the Soviet tunes with different words put to them, largely Union, the movement of our labour party away from based on all the anecdotes I’ve picked up over its socialist roots and the lack of the necessary my three years here. It sends up all the trends social tension for a revolution have rendered its and attitudes and habits that you know and love dreams unattainable and removed this ultimate out- around you, and it’s all sung by a wonderful sider and enemy from western political discussion. cast and accompanied by a fantastic fourteen The great issue of today is instead, once again, piece band. the debate over the extent and power of govern- ment. This has an enormous precedence: it is an Shamini: There are lots of very well-known old, long, complicated back and forth with endless songs in yours actually, people will defi nitely swapping of names and ideas and an absolutely dis- know the songs
Gilead: Yes, you’ll walk out whistling them and hating me for choosing them.
Shamini: But really funny new lyrics...
Gilead: Am I paying you for this endorsement? I feel like I should be! entangleable web of connections between the sub- sets of each camp. But essentially it comes down to Shamini: Mine’s a shakespearean, panto- the fi ght between Classical Liberalism: something mime, melodramatic, murder mystery, horror, a little akin to light Anarchism where the rights and non-musical. It has lots of blood and horrible freedoms of the individual are key and government deaths, but it also has knitting… It’s irreverent must be strictly limited and decentralised; versus and a lot of fun, there are fewer Imperial refer- Federalism which is the opposite: social fairness, ences, to be honest mine’s got a lot more geeky international security and economic progression en- references. A lot of science fi ction and fantasy sured by the presence of a strong central authority. pop culture references, which is still something Ayn Rand’s Atlas Shrugged is infamous for its as- I think appeals to a lot of students - I hope it’s sociation with the American new right and the poli- Gilead Amit – Imperial Collage, 13th Dec. Shamini Bundell – The Dark Side, 8th Dec. Pranav Ma not just me! It’s really good fun and very funny. tics of Margaret Thatcher and Ronald Reagan. It is You get quite immersed in what’s happening, also often held up as a bible of the modern variant it’s not the kind of play where the actors stand of Liberalism: Libertarianism. But wait, Margaret about on stage quoting things, you really feel could kind of cram all these things together and way, and the regulars came up; Mahatma Gan- Thatcher was the “bad guy” right? She wanted to like you’re actually there. create something to direct myself.” dhi, Hitler, Martin Luther King, and then my nationalise the NHS and I heard she drank the blood friend mentioned Albert Einstein. Obviously, I of northern children to keep her going. But you said Pranav: And mine’s rather different, it looks at Gilead: The reason I wanted to do it, and the agreed about the importance of E = mc2 but he it was like Anarchism and that’s cool isn’t it? the creation of the fi rst atomic bomb, but look- big challenge for me, is that I’m not musically said he’d actually been referring to the atomic Atlas Shrugged is a passionate extolment of the ing at it from the side of the scientists involved, talented in any way but I have a tremendous bomb. I’ve always had ideas about writing rights of the individual and for that a fascinating especially focussing on Einstein, Oppenheimer amount of admiration for people who are. So I in my head, and they’ve always come in and read. It disassembles what we in a country with as and Szilard; exploring their motivations and wanted to try and immerse myself in that sort gone out again, but this idea sort of stuck, so I central a welfare state as the UK has would gener- consequently how they felt when they heard of of environment with people who know music thought I’d better do something about it. This is ally consider the cruel heartless views of the money the use of the bomb. So it’s quite a dark play, and knew what they’re talking about, and not the fi rst thing I’ve tried to write, but I just tried hungry and builds them up as instead a burning hu- it’s very dramatic… It sheds a new light on the to be so scared of it. writing it down and kept going and going and it man desire to be free. In doing so, it changes your scientists if you’ve never thought about what really seemed to come together. perspective and opens you up to the on-going politi- that felt like before. Shamini: But before you started this project cal discussion. you’d been rewriting the lyrics of songs hadn’t Shamini: Mine was eventually kick-started As a story it is fi ction, a grand Old-Testament Shamini: Yeah, we tend to lose sight of the fact you? You knew all about it… when I’d written the fi rst act and it had taken style drama envisioning the end of the world. Set that science occurs in a social context, that sci- me ages because I really wanted it to work. But in a subtlety altered 1950’s America as New York entists are real humans. Also in this particular Gilead: Yes, that’s true; sad and alone in my having written it, I suddenly realised that the rots from the inside out and a mysterious force is case that science can actually have such a huge room... Shamini’s kind enough to conjure up dramatic society were having their meeting in ‘stealing’ the key fi gures of science and industry. impact on the world and on people’s lives. the image of a misspent youth rewriting lyrics which they invite you to come and propose a Ayn Rand writes extremely powerfully and to read it to songs, which is actually largely true to life. I play that week. I realised that I only had a fi rst really is a very enjoyable story. What made you want to start writing to knew I wanted to do this and about a year ago it act so I sat down for a day and scribbled out a The confl ict between security and freedom is begin with? occurred to me to actually see if this could fl y. really rather brief and very bad second act… completely central to personal, moral and political So I started writing a couple of songs, and then philosophy. And for that reason, despite its biblical Shamini: It was defi nitely over a year ago over the course of the year, I built a plot around Gilead: Oh no, it wasn’t bad... length (nearly 1300 pages), I would highly recom- when I started writing down some of the ideas it and suddenly it’s all become real. mend this. with a plan to write something. I suppose when Shamini: I’ve rewritten it since; it’s good now! We want to know what to read next. Tell us in 300- you’re around drama a lot, and involved in lots Pranav: My inspiration actually all came But obviously the fi rst draft was about fi ve sec- 400 words and send it to [email protected] of artistic things, you get these bits of inspira- from having a discussion with a friend about onds of “and then the play ends and everything tion and you think, “wouldn’t it be great if I people who’ve changed the world in whatever gets tied up and that’s the end”. I proposed it FELIX Friday 26 NOVEMBER 2010 27 ARTS s of ‘10 Improve your digital photos with staging shows written Photosoc: The Rule Of Thirds heir productions Jonathan Kim when viewing an image, people’s eyes usually “Remember that break- go to one of the intersection points more natu- Perhaps the most well known principle of pho- rally than to the centre of the photograph; so by ing the rule, once you’ve tographic composition is the “Rule of Thirds”. using the ‘rule of thirds’ your picture will work It is one of the most basic tools that can be used with the viewer rather than against them. learnt it, can result in to create balanced and visually appealing shots. Applying the “rule of thirds” to your pho- However, before we get into it I must warn you tography comes naturally to some photogra- some striking shots too” that rules are meant to be broken and ignoring phers but it can take a little practice for it to this one does not mean that your pictures will become second nature. Once again, remember old pictures to see what impact it has. necessarily be unbalanced or uninteresting. In that breaking the rule can result in some strik- If you would like to learn more about com- fact, the opposite can often be true! ing shots too, so once you have learnt it experi- position, or anything else to do with photogra- ment with purposely breaking it to see what phy, then get involved with the Photographic you discover. Society. Finally, keep the “rule of thirds” in mind as What is the Rule of Thirds? you subsequently edit your photos. Photo edit- ing tools today have good features for cropping You can fi nd out more at our website: Put very simply, the basic principle is to break and reframing images so that they fi t better union.ic.ac.uk/photosoc or you can email an image down into thirds both horizontally with the rule. Experiment with some of your us at [email protected] and vertically so that you have 9 parts (as seen in the picture to the right). Now keeping this Photo by Jonathan Kim grid in mind, the “rule of thirds” gives you four lines - two horizontal and two vertical - that can be used to help you compose your shot. Try positioning the points of interest in your picture either along one of the lines or at the intersections. Quick tip: some digital cameras can overlay the rule of thirds grid on top of the viewfi nd- er to make this a lot easier, so have a browse around in the menu to see if you can fi nd it. The theory is that by placing the points of in- terest in accordance with the “rule of thirds”, your picture will look more visually balanced Read this and it will be easier for the viewer to focus on article online at the object of interest. Studies have shown that felixonline.co.uk hajan – The Destroyer of Worlds, today & tomorrow
and they said “yeah, sounds ok…” and then I your cast, but it’s fun for everybody just to see having a personal stake in the writing, I don’t Will you be continuing to write? sat down and really improved it over the sum- this idea and words on a page just come to life. know if it’s the same for you but I’m a hugely mer. It’s really good. sensitive person to criticism. Not because I dis- Pranav: Absolutely, I’ve got all sorts of ideas regard it, but because I consider any criticism bumping about that I’d like to get down. Pranav: I don’t think you ever have the fi n- Shamini: The most diffi cult thing is that when to be absolutely justifi ed, and it sends me cow- ished article though, it only took me a couple you’ve written it you have a really distinct ering into a corner thinking, “Why am I in this Gilead: Well, I’m graduating this year, so I’ve of months to fi nish the fi rst draft but since then view about how it should go, and I’m a bit of room with such knowledgable people?!” had a lot of fun out of this, mainly because I it’s been redrafted and redrafted and fi ne-tuned, a control freak anyway. But the most reward- may not be able to do it again. Revues tend to be and even today, two days before the produc- ing thing is when I’ve written this page, and Pranav: That for me is the most exciting thing, the stuff of boarding schools, prisons and mili- tion, we’re still making changes. the actors just sort of get it; they know what it that my name is written on this and any criti- tary outfi ts rather than just general workplace means. We did a scene for the fi rst time, and I cism is going to come back to me, but I’m just humour. So I’ve enjoyed this while I can, I’ve Shamini: Yeah, my cast is getting really an- almost wasn’t sure if we’d rehearsed it already laying myself out there and saying, this is what loved working with talented people and there’s noyed with that! because that was exactly how it was in my I can do, what do you reckon? nothing more rewarding than being taken seri- head, and it’s the most amazing thing because For me the hardest thing was casting because ously by people you set out to collaborate with. Gilead: I tried very hard to separate the hats, to they’ve literally brought the characters to life I had to turn down so many great actors who I be a writer and then a director; I realised that and I didn’t even have to tell them. couldn’t cast. That’s the hardest thing so far, I couldn’t judge myself, I had to imagine that I’ve still got three days… I hope people will The Destroyer of Worlds by Pranav Mahajan this is the script I’d been handed by someone Pranav: I actually think that’s the most enjoy- come because it’s important with all three for ICSM Drama is on today and tomorrow. else, and isn’t he an idiot for rhyming answers able part, when you sit there and someone has productions to remember that these are Impe- The Dark Side by Shamini Bundell runs with fi nances? But let’s work with it and make interpreted what you’ve written in a completely rial students acting, they’ve got their studies from 8th - 11th December. it work, it hasn’t been easy, the fi rst few re- different way, but better. and everything else going on but they’ve also Imperial Collage for Musical Theatre hearsals I had real diffi culty. worked extremely hard to put on these shows; Society by Gilead Amit runs 12th - 13th Shamini: That’s always really good, you just rehearsing day-in day-out and learning lines in December Pranav: Directing’s been a lot of fun. I think think “Oh my god! yes! Why didn’t I think of their spare time. It’s important for them to see I was expecting the hard times, the organising, that?” It’s about other people bringing their their colleagues, their peers and their friends, If you’d like to direct a play next term for having to rehearse every day, but I’ve got such creativity, and it’s all of you working towards it Pranav’s show is anybody, coming and supporting them because Dramsoc, play proposals are on the 3rd a great team with me and I think you need that, together, that’s so nice. on tonight and it’s pointless just performing to an empty room. December. Email [email protected] for as a director. Your production team, your light- tomorrow (26th, more details. Auditions will also take place ing, your sound, your costumes and of course Gilead: I found the most stressful thing was 27th Nov) Gilead: Hear hear. for several shows in the last week of term. 28 FriDAY 26 NOVEMBER 2010 FELIX Music Editors: Greg Power Luke Turner Christopher Walmsley MUSIC [email protected] Album of The Week s you’ve probably gathered by lined up next. TECHNO now I enjoy contrast. Travers- Many of you will probably be aware of ing the musical spectrum from Proxy and his destroyer-of-worlds outlook to Kanye West disco Permanent Vacation making music but if not check out ‘8000’, a My Beautiful Dark NONSENSE style, to Night Slugs’ grimiest song that somehow came to be my soundtrack Twisted Fantasy bass music in the space of a fortnight has set to boating through the Amazon during the Amy stall out nicely I think. This week I intro- summer. For a textbook example of how Roc-a-Fella/Def duce to you: Turbo Recordings. sampling should be done refer to Kolombo’s Jam Unlike new boys on the scene Night Slugs, ‘Sniff’, the sample used is pretty self-explana- 2010 Turbo Recordings has been releasing music tory but brings the track to an almost orgasmic for over a decade now. The label, founded in climax. 1998, is run by two brothers from Montreal; I’ll admit that this style of music isn’t for Tiga and Thomas Sontag, and is widely everyone but at 5am on a Sunday morning in considered one of the most infl uential labels subterranean London, there’s nothing I’d rather in electronic music. Tiga is most commonly hear. I’ll admit it, I didn’t think Kanye’s comeback album known for his 2001 cover of Corey Hart’s was going to be this good. Not because he’s zany as ‘Sunglasses at Night’ and his strange sense shit, but mainly because anyone who follows West in of humour, while Thomas (a.k.a. Thomas Von the slightest knows a lot of these tracks were already Party) scouts out the best new talent to bring released as part of his weekly “Good Friday” series to the label and makes bizarre YouTube videos of online releases. And that’s without counting those Pt. 3: This week Simon (see the video to ‘Peanuts Club’ by Noob & showcased in his epicly insane 30 minute promo Brodinski). This combination of eccentricity movie “Runaway”. But the songs are given new life Hunter takes on the and impeccable music taste has helped bring here, ensuring that it is worth listening to the album the likes of Chromeo, Boys Noize and the in its entirety. Multiple times. It is a madman’s mas- electro & techno gods of Soviet Empire’s devil child, Proxy, to dance terpiece, candidly exposing his humongous ego, as fl oors the world over. well as his immense vulnerability and humanity all at Turbo Records Turbo Recordings’ greatest success however once. Few hip-hop albums manage to achieve a pop has been in melding the fl ash-in-the-pan hyste- sound with big sing-along choruses whilst remaining ria for electro in 2006 with the long-established gritty and twisted. All his friends are onboard too, but often under-appreciated genre of techno. but nothing comes off as gimmicky: it all feels like The result is a breed of dark, acid-tinged tech- an awesome celebration of Kanye’s strange world, no, championed by the biggest names in the his demented genius and his inner child. One of the scene. This is not to say that Turbo Recordings strongest albums of the year. - Greg Power has become a one-trick pony. The exact oppo- site is true in fact. Sure the likes of the Dahl- bäck Brothers, Jori Hulkkonen and new boy 1. Radiohead Gesaffelstein form a backbone familiarity to Most lis- 2. The Beatles the (now nearing 100) Turbo releases but out- 3. Daft Punk put from Proxy, Boy 8-Bit and remix packages covering the likes of Fever Ray and Chromeo tened to Tiga tearin’ it up on the decks 4. Florence + the mean that you never know what Turbo have got this week by Machine 5. LCD SS Felix Music 6. The Killers 7. Sufjan Stevens members on 8. Muse last.fm 9. Rolling Stones The Dillinger Escape Plan are 10. Gorillaz
Join in at: http://www.last.fm/group/Felix+Music goddamn terrifying... and terrifi c Dillinger Escape Plan Electric Ballroom ly can tear shit up on stage and sound bloody performers breathless. Greg Puciato possesses Make sure not to miss 5th November 2010 sweet. These guys are becoming a model for an incredible vocal range comparable to Mike ★★★★★ how progressive hardcore should be done. And Patton’s and his comedic interaction with the Eva Spence still makes me shiver all over. But crowd (“Don’t make me come down there and Gonjasufi Greg Power really it was just a matter of buying time. beat you myself!”) kept everyone smiling and The lights go out, a burst of electronic noise kicking the shit out of the dude to the left. All The Rhythm Factory, Whitechapel Dillinger have been one of my favorite bands announces a trend for the night: a lot of jump- in all it was a brilliant performance, made only Thursday 9th December ever since I fi rst heard “Calculating Infi nity”. ing, a lot of moshing and wild stage dives/ more intense by the brilliant combination of 7:30pm I distinctly recall a spasm-inducing epiphany. belly beatings. The second the band entered strobe lights and bulbs hanging from the stage. The scariest yoga teacher you’ll ever meet, Sumach Since then they’ve changed a fair amount: the entire room burst into a fi t of rage and utter Without a doubt, Dillinger is a barrel of fun Ecks also doubles as a vocalist in FlyLo’s Brainfeed- guitar virtuoso Ben Weinman is the only re- bliss. Opening with “Farewell, Mona Lisa”, for the whole family. Giant circle pit included. er crew, boasting a thunderous and versatile voice; maining original member of the band and their the intensely violent and cathartic fi rst track he switches effortlessly between rapping, crooning music, though fi rmly rooted in math-metal and from this year’s masterpiece Option Paralysis, and screaming. From stoner-rock to hip-hop beats to avant-garde metal, has known some pretty they spent the entire show hitting all the right jazzy electro, his songs are all freefl owing and unit- wacky stylistic mutations. buttons and giving everyone there freaky fan- ed by their originality and excentricity. These will be 10 years on, I remain an avid listener of their gasms. New fan favorites “Black Bubblegum” played in all their full glory by Gonjasufi ’s full backing albums, which have been consistently gripping and “Milk Lizard” got all the sweaty metal- band, for the fi rst time in the UK. It will be a thrilling and thrilling in a world of Metal gone bland. I heads crooning along like a room of horny show performed by one of the most interesting sing- remained skeptical however as to their ability Tom Joneses, and they dropped just the right ers out there today, and he might drop a few new to maintain their dense, technically-intensive amount of old classics, including pitch-perfect tunes and a couple of freaky surprises. And if we get sound in a live context, whilst maintaining renditions of “43% Burnt” and “Sugar Coated really lucky, he might offer us a free yoga workout. their reputation for physical debauchery and Sour”. complete disregard for their health and safety. Their technical prowess is unquestionable, Come on, value for money or what??! - Greg Power DEP’s Greg Puciato reaching for a fan... This was all I could think about until Rolo and even past their 30s they deliver their ma- so he can strangle the poor fucker Tomassi kindly reminded me that you defi nite- terial with an energy that would leave most FELIX FriDAY 26 NOVEMber 2010 29 MUSIC Aaaah to shoegaze... A sublime evening -Wait, what?! -Yes. Well, to be detached and introspective in unaggressive, dream-state pensiveness. with Gil Scott-Heron -Oh...What? Gil Scott-Heron gets the blues with Tytus Murphy, on a gloomy Sunday in The Brixton Academy
il Scott-Heron has en- ent and correct, arriving to a stage laid tered the musical con- bare with minimal arrangements and a sciousness of 2010 with rapturous welcome from an eclectic de- the release of his come- mographic of eagerly-awaiting partici- Slowdive back LP ‘I’m new here’. pants; greeting the crowd affectionately He entered mine as a young boy of 10 with light-hearted and hilarious mus- Alison Gyears when my parents played his re- ings, remarking warmheartedly that he cords on that beloved turntable that span was ‘no stick in the mud’ aiming to look Moose at 33rpm. ‘intellectually involved’ in the spoken Later on I would discover that not word, but simply that the crowd had col- Suzanne many artists can match the bohemian ex- lective responsibility to enjoy ourselves, istence, intrigue and poignancy of Gil’s as he was sure to do. Cocteau Twins life: a torch-bearer in the spoken word As in voice, Gil Scott-Heron is strik- movement; a prominent student activist ing in appearance: a wise head sits com- Heaven or Las Vegas in the American civil rights movement; mandingly on a lanky frame, a gentle late night jazz romps with the infamous smile that exposes battered and decayed Lush amnesia express, and; wordsmith behind teeth, brown pants pulled high, pale yel- ‘The revolution will not be televised. The thing that’s going to change people, is something that nobody will ever be able to capture on fi lm’ the iconic ‘the revolution will not be low and broad padded jacket draping Spooky televised’, a list whilst impressive still low and a grey scruffy fi sherman’s hat only offers a mere smattering of the tri- enclosing the tips of an illustrious sil- Blonde Redhead als and tribulations of Gil Scott-Heron. ver-tinged beard. Despite his frame and ‘Work for Peace’ where he cried through making for an emotionally intense expe- We now turn 11 years on from my now entering his 62nd year, Gil moves his throaty baritone ‘I don’t want hurt rience. Elephant Woman fl edgling musical recollections to Brix- nimbly around the stage, alternating be- nobody’ to peacefully conveying ‘Your The evening is not solely about the ton Academy on a sombre, misty and tween keyboard and circular strolls of daddy loves you’ in a gentle reverb. longing, hurt and loss embodied in the Beach House cold evening in South West London, an the stage, feeding of the hypnotic jazz Seemingly transfi xed during the saxo- blues but instead a musical journey tra- evening that encompasses not just a gig enthused percussion, sax and harmonica phonist’s regular elegant interjections, versing jazz, African rhythms and soul Walk in the Park but a reincarnation of sorts. ‘I’m new of his slick and tight backing band. Gil slowly rocked back on his keyboard with Gil contrasting the rawness of here’ is somewhat complicated by the Gil begins his set by remarking wryly stool; head, beard and fi sherman’s hat his singing to jovial commentaries in Deerhunter protagonist’s personal history, 16 years that for those in the crowd who thought swaying in the smoke. He is a blues pur- between songs, making for an absorb- since the last pensive and dark LP enti- he could not play the piano, ‘you were ist, obsessed with Coltrane et al. and his ing and enjoyable gig. Culminating in Helicopter tled ‘Spirits’, a period in which Gil went right’, much to the amusement of the evident appreciation of his band’s con- arguably his magnus opus ‘the bottle’, AWOL, reappeared and disappeared enthusiastic and attentive crowd. He tributions reveals a youthful love of mu- which breaks this evening for a 10 min- Pale Saints once again before being imprisoned for then talks poetically about the battle of sic that still burns brightly. Gil’s voice ute congo drum solo of epic propor- drug possession. For followers of Gil, the seasons before subtly morphing into is coarse in moments, grainy and harsh, tions, Gil rounds off a career-spanning In Ribbons these 16 years remained a colourful time the melancholy ‘Winter in America’. a far cry from the lush, soulful and dis- set to a dedicated crowd who sincerely if not a prolifi c period of creativity, with Only the bluesy lament of ‘I’ll take care tinctive voice of the 70s but it does not hope that it will not be another 16 years If you want to share a countless cancelled live outings and no- of you’ features from ‘I’m new here’, a cause you to wince or fl inch; instead before we see Gil Scott-Heron in the mind-blowing playlist send shows; Gil always seems to keep every- track in keeping with the atmosphere this broken voice adds depth and pain to fl esh again, for Mr Scott-Heron did it in to music.felix@gmail. one on their toes. of the evening, where Gil ranged from the cry of ‘to turn your sick soul inside promise to bring better weather with com This evening, thankfully Gil is pres- screaming with anguish, as during out, so that the world can watch you die’ him next time.
Tinie Tempah ising – dark, bassy numbers that you but you and I are probably too old for tinged acoustic stoner rock number, Local Natives could play in a club without any imme- this shit. designed for sprawling in the sand Disc-Overy diate shame. After that, though, the “let Duncan Casey and chilling out to – Hell, it even fea- Who Knows Who Cares (S) Infectious Records Parlophone me tell you about my designer things” tures the obligatory bongo drums. Of ★★✩✩✩ ★★★✩✩ stereotypes begin, and the desperation course, this means your take on it on to seem ‘street’ becomes palpable. In Dirty Heads a dank, grey November evening in the This debut album, from the depths of the end, there’s a genuine talent in there pissing rain, is going to proceed rough- Sounding like Fleet Foxes, Grizzly the South London ghetto (okay, middle- and the guy can rap, but toeing the fi ne Lay Me Down ly in line with the vividness of your Bear and Arcade Fire in a blender, class Plumstead in Greenwich) starts line between mainstream Capital Ra- Executive Music Group imagination. It’s a pleasant enough their sound is extremely of the moment. ★★★✩✩ well, but trails off far too rapidly into dio respectability without degenerating track – if you like your Jack Johnson Vocal harmonies and string arrange- a succession of family-friendly pop- into a kind of bass-driven audio beige or maybe even your Smash Mouth ments pushed to the foreground, results songs with just enough ‘thug life’ ref- was always going to be diffi cult, and This California four-piece hail from a there’s plenty here to like, but none of in occasional fantastic moments, but it erences to keep the rebellious 15-year- this doesn’t manage it. It sounds ex- beach town in Southern California, and them are going to be losing sleep over never really hits its stride. It’s pleasant old target demographic interested. The actly like what it is – hip-hop lite, or sound exactly like you’d expect them the competition. enough, but feels ultimately forgettable. fi rst couple of tracks are pretty prom- maybe pop-hop. The kids will love it, to. The single’s a laid-back, reggae- Duncan Casey Christopher Dean 30 Friday 26 November 2010 felix Film Editors: Jade Hoffman Matt Allinson Ed Knock FILM fi [email protected] Classic Cinema So is it any good after all? Dr Strangelove: Or How I Learnt to The new Harry Potter film proves controversial Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 1
Director David Yates Screenwriter Steve Kloves, JK Rowling (novel) Cast Daniel Radcliffe, Rupert Grint, Emma Watson, Ralph Fiennes
I think he’s heading to the Lib Dem HQ... God help me it’s bad... Surprisingly pertinent given that errant shells are fly- John Park ing over the world’s highest concentration of military hardware on the border of Korea, Dr Strangelove is You know the drill: every Harry Potter sequel is Stanley Kubrick’s 1964 dark comedy about what hap- “darker” than its predecessors. Now that we’re pens when the wrong people get their hands on The at the penultimate chapter, things must be get- Bomb. ting very gloomy. Dumbledore is dead, Lord Peter Sellers initially takes on two, equally stressed- Voldemort’s (Ralph Fiennes) power is growing, out characters. Firstly, as the second-in-command to and the Ministry of Magic has been compro- an Air Squadron leader who has gone insane and mised by those controlled by Voldemort and his deployed his B-52 bomber fleet to launch a nuclear merry band of wizards and witches. With no- Stop complaining about student debt, I turnrn into a fucking wwerewolf attack on the Russian mainland; and secondly as the where and no one to turn to, the ambitious trio President of the United States, who is summoned must rely on each other and work together to to his command room to impotently watch while his fight evil. and once again we get far-too-brief glimpsessseses country accidently declares war from beneath him. But don’t let the rather simple summary fool of outstanding actors making the most of theireeirir Emma Watson’sWatWatss acting In the final act, he takes on a third character as the you from just how complicated some of the cru- five-minute screen times. eponymous Dr Strangelove: the eccentric scientific cial sub-plots can be. There are so many names, A convoluted plot and unimpressive lead- has improved immenselymenselmenselyy adviser to the government. places, prophecies and spells that unless you’ve ing actors aside, there is much fun to be had in The decent into chaos and madness of the men in brushed up on your knowledge of the Harry the longest set-up of the franchise. The CGI is and her portrayall ooff charge of the country and military as they realise that Potter universe, chances are you will struggle impeccable and a couple of scenes will sure- their best-laid plans have collapsed around them mir- to understand absolutelyabsolabsoluu everything. Harry Pot- ly blow you away. Shame the rest of the film helplessness is vveryereryy rors the madness and chaos inherent in the logic of terter films haveve alwayalwaysal been criticised for strip- doesn’t quite live up to that standard but the the nuclear deterrent. The film was originally written ping downn its originalorigin material and keeping the millions that will inevitably sit through this one convincing as a completely serious drama, before the scriptwrit- should get their pay off by next July, when the ers realised that the sheer ridiculousness of the situ- real final part is expected to arrive. ation best suited comedy. TooToo much ttime is spent Meanwhile, on one of the bomber command B-52s forced to hold the movie together pretty much sent erroneously to attack Russia, the crew get on meandering throughugh theth on their own. with their job. Led by the Slim Pickens, playing the Outstanding... “Emma Watson, it must be said, is the glue Texan pilot, their grim determination to get the job muddled plot keeping this section of the film together. Her done while fearing about what it could all mean adds Lucia Podhorska acting has improved immensely since the first the most human element to the story. However, it still film and her portrayal of helplessness and be- allows for plenty of comedy, notably the much refer- plot too simple. Perhaps the splitit was to include Before I start, I feel I should admit that I am a trayal is very convincing. Rupert Grint also enced moment when Pickens rodeo rides the bomb as much depth as possible. Sounds like a great die-hard Harry Potter fan, but I will do my best finally gets the chance to show us a different down to the ground. idea, but too much time is spent meandering, to leave out the unpunctuated, hysterical gush- side to him as he is no longer” simply the comic During the final scene in the war room, when Dr plodding through the muddled plot. Without ing love. Those who have not read the books relief. By contrast, Daniel Radcliffe is still, at Strangelove is giving his talk to the assembled Gen- the split, the 150-minute running time would – shame on you! many points, quite wooden, and though we see erals and Civil servants, no matter how many takes have worked as a fast-paced, efficient road I have by now read a few reactions to the glimpses of real emotion, some of the book’s were filmed (and with Kubrick, this was a notoriously movie but Yates seems to have saved the best movie and a lot of people seem to be hung up more emotional scenes came across somewhat large amount) there wasn’t a single one without a “scenes for the very last. on the fact that there’s so much time spent fo- underwhelming on screen. member of the cast laughing. When watching the one The film jumps from place to place and seems cusing on the trio’s travels as they search for It’s difficult not to compare this film to Half- that made it into the final cut, keep an eye open for to lose its focus. There is an attempt to create the Horcruxes. As anyone who’s read the book Blood Prince, as they were both directed by the Russian ambassador failing to suppress a huge conflict between the three of them, mostly in- knows, this takes up a good chunk of the story Yates and yet are so different. Maybe it’s the grin at Sellers’ amazing turn as the crazy German. volving Ron’s jealousy towards Harry and Her- so it makes sense to translate that to the screen. fact that because of the split, he has more time Hilarious but serious, Dr Strangelove brilliantly cap- mione’s close friendship, but since these three There is still something going on the whole to focus on the little things, but he truly did an tures the stupidity of it all. have been bound so tight in the” previous films time, as they make new discoveries, and it’s amazing job with this film. The book-to-film the melodramatic fight between Harry and Ron nice seeing the core three together for greater adaptation was the best so far, even using a does little to convince the audience of anything lengths of time. We are also treated to some lot of dialogue word-for-word from the book. drastic happening. truly beautiful shots of the British landscape. There were only a couple of glaring errors, EVENTS Radcliffe, Grint and Watson have been in The way the camera captures the scenes of the which can for the most part be forgiven. Alex- iCU Cinema - Inglourious Basterds these roles for a long time but even they cannot vast countryside with no one but Harry, Ron ander Desplat joins the crew as the composer, £3/£4 for members/non-members handle this kind of rapid development. By con- and Hermione in sight really drives home their while Steve Kloves returns as the screenwriter Tue 30th Nov. 6:30pm. trast, the vast amount of talent at Yates’ dispos- isolation. Taken away from everything that is for the penultimate time. Together, they have Union Concert Hall al in his costars seems to go to waste. Starring familiar, they are forced to rely on each other produced the best Harry Potter film so far and in at least one Harry Potter film seems to be to pull through. It also poses a challenge to the leave this fan anxiously waiting for July 15th, a rite of passage for any British acting legend three young actors as for the first time they are when the final movie will be released. felix Friday 26 November 2010 31 FILM Navid Nabijou profiles the Quentin Tarantino: controversial director and his latest work, style over substance? Inglourious Basterds
ver the past two decades, few directors have man- aged to excite such ac- claim – and controversy – as Quentin Tarantino. His work has sharply polarised critics, Ospawning a plethora of varied interpreta- tions and deconstructions. Each new re- lease is followed by a blaze of feverish publicity, and through all of this, Taran- tino and his films remain something of an enigma. His debut, the playful and gritty Reser- voir Dogs, was in a certain sense a mod- est affair. Produced on a tiny budget and screened in only a handful of cinemas, the film went mostly unnoticed at first. It does, however, set the precedent for all of Tarantino’s later work: nonlinear narratives, razor-sharp dialogue, profuse profanity and a healthy dose of violence. It’s a heist film without a heist scene, a bleak tale of greed, loyalty and madness. Tarantino’s strongest asset is undoubt- edly his treatment of dialogue. While many directors regard dialogue simply as an inconvenient necessity, Tarantino recognises and defends the importance of conversation for the sake of conver- sation. A considerable, and often unap- preciated, layer of characterisation is weaved into utterly mundane discus- sions about hamburgers and television. The writing – at times incredibly real- istic, at times borderline fantastical – is consistently incisive, witty and, above Expressing his great vision or going in for a grope? Tarantino has always been controversial... all, entertaining. And nowhere else is this talent exhibited better than in the film many consider to be Tarantino’s ing on the human condition that builds 2009, Inglourious Basterds was finally what Tarantino does best, and he packs finest: Pulp Fiction. “Even with all the to the climax of Tarantino’s fourth mov- released, more than a decade after it was his latest film full of fast-paced dialogue. Pulp Fiction, released in 1994, is a ie, Kill Bill. Which conveniently brings first conceived. Set in Nazi-occupied The atmosphere is electric; as the banter dizzying ride through the underworld feverish publicity, us back to the issue of style. France, Inglourious Basterds, in keep- perpetually accelerates and intensifies, of Los Angeles. The audience is pulled Kill Bill tells the story of The Bride, a ing with tradition, consists of a number at a few points the suspense grows al- back and forth through space and time, Tarantino, and his former assassin who embarks on an epic of interweaving storylines. Prettier than most unbearable. His writing has cer- as the stories of the many colourful journey of revenge. Though containing Pulp Fiction, subtler than Kill Bill, it tainly never been better. Stylistically, the characters unfold in fragments. Hugely films, remain an all the standard Tarantino hallmarks, draws together all the best features of film builds on the formula of Kill Bill, influential, it has been described as “the the film’s most distinguishing feature is his cumulative body of work, resulting exploiting with finesse a number of con- most quotable movie of all time” – and enigma” its high aesthetics: it is a visual stunner in one of his finest films to date. trasting styles, which blend seamlessly it’s not hard to see why. The writing is from start to finish. Everything, be it a One thread follows the Basterds, an and make the film thoroughly enjoyable, simply sublime, oozing with depth and hospital ward, a Yakuza boss or a sev- American guerrilla force dropped be- if difficult to classify. In all, Inglourious sparkle. it: his films are packed full of little nods ered arm, drips with vibrancy and en- hind enemy lines and charged with Basterds is a treat; great to look at, listen A thorough watching of a Tarantino to movie history. This can, however, go ergy. Let’s be honest: when there’s this “doing one thing, and one thing only: to, and generally be entertained by. film will make at least one thing appar- too far and he has often been criticised much style, who cares about substance? killing Nazis.” Running parallel to this Quentin Tarantino is, in spite of his ent: this man loves movies – a lot. In his for being derivative; his films have been Perhaps this argument might be an- we have the striking Shosana Dreyfus, detractors, a remarkable filmmaker. youth he worked in a video rental store, dismissed by some as pastiches of the swered by Tarantino’s next film: Death- a French Jew living undetected and op- His flair for sharp dialogue and stylistic giving him the freedom to watch and past instead of genuinely original works. proof was released in 2007 to a luke- erating a cinema in Paris. Finally, the excellence make each and every one of discuss film for hours on end. The scope Another, related criticism is that his warm response and slinks in as one of consummate SS Colonel Hans Landa, his movies a joy to watch. Inglourious and depth of his expertise is formidable; films favour style over substance. This his lowest grossing movies. But despite whose performance earned the actor Basterds is living proof that, now ap- he has probably seen more movies than is true to an extent; there certainly are the disappointment of his fifth film, an Academy Award. A charismatic, proaching fifty, Tarantino is still at the anyone else alive. This ingrained pas- deeper, more profound films out there, there was a definite air of excitement in shrewd, deeply unsettling fascination, top of his game. sion for, and connection with the world but, all in all, there is a good deal of sub- the run up to his sixth. This project was Landa (described by Tarantino as “one of cinema pervades the films he creates. stance present, even if we might find it particularly special to him; he had been the greatest character I will ever write”) Inglourious Basterds is showing at Tarantino, far from repudiating the in- difficult to recognise. Take the “Super- talking about it for years. So it was to an turns everything he touches into gold. the iCU Cinema at 6.30pm on Tues- fluence of other filmmakers, relishes in man monologue”, a metaphorical mus- eager, hopeful audience that, in August Inglourious Basterds is a return to day 30th November. 32 Friday 26 NOVEMBER 2010 FELIX
Games Editor: Simon Worthington GAMES [email protected] Web Games Each week we’re going to bring you a selection of fresh, free and fun web games that you can play right away in your browser. Unless otherwise specified, VVVVVVictorious! you’re going to need the Adobe Flash Player plug-in which can be installed from http://get.adobe.com/ flashplayer/.
Doeo raitendo.com/games/doeo
Hovering your mouse over as many coloured blocks as you can against the clock may sound like a bor- Omar Hafeez-Bore sincere. I tried memorising the exact timing re- *Wail* … *Wail* ing idea on paper, but when you put it together with quired for my fi nger presses, counting out loud This is ridiculous! Nearly an hour on this a big dollop of Japanese craziness things suddenly Am I the most successful person ever? Winston my fi nger aerobics. I even tried changing the one bit? This was too retarded. The program- start to work out. Churchill described success as “going from graphics settings from ‘Basic’ to ‘Basic And mer must be retarded. Did he scrape his teeth failure to failure without losing enthusiasm”. Blurry’! I think it’s running… a little smoother! clean in the morning with razor blades too? A ‘doeo’ is a little pink or green block embellished Well, I did that. But a one frame animation of death can only Maybe he uses Tabasco instead of milk on his with a cute animal face and you’ve got just under a I did not give up dousing the fl ames of Fire get so smooth, and it certainly didn’t get any cereal for a similar dance with danger. I bet minute to catch them as they ride by on trains and Leo. I cried and cried until I could laugh in the less familiar. he walks bare foot to work in the crazed hope explode from volcanoes. It’s never really possible to face of Ninja Gaiden’s fi nal boss. I can play *Wail*. By now it was just part of the that some phone booth has been smashed in, know where they’re going to appear next and keep- Ikaruga’s black and white switches like piano soundtrack. Thirty minutes of retrying is pit- spilling shards of glass that he can dodge like ing up with them as they pop in and out leads to a keys and can cruise through F-Zero like it was tance, but divided by a 10-second stretch of some pervert of pain. Hell, I bet he even cuts frantic forty seconds of mouse mayhem. Play it on built on Scaletrix. If there was a noble prize for level it becomes something else altogether. My his boxer-shorts out of sandpaper and then jogs hard to get the full adrenaline-pumping effect! tenacity and unwavering spirit in gaming, I’d only glimmer of hope was that I was gradually in the cold! In fact, he probably unplugs all have gold-plated Birmingham (may it forever increasing my survival distance through Veni, the plugs in the house at night so that he might stand tall) by now with the gold from all my Vidi, Vici’s spiked vertical ascent. Bit by bit. step on one on the way to the loo, the freak. I Alice Is Dead Episode 3 melted medals. And they’re small medals.edals. wouldn’t be surprised if he only goes out with tinyurl.com/pandasbigadventure But one short, ten-second segmentt inn a litlittle girls with tongue studs, in the hope of suffering game called VVVVVV proved almost tootoo much.m “My fi ngers were now some personal oral damage. Whatever he does, I just kept. On. Dying. he is clearly an absolute, total- In theory, it was optional; gettingg the trin- mere fl eshy automatons, *Ping!* Huh? ket just raised another number in thee menu. In I had doned it? But, I wasn’t even concentrat- practice, it was irresistible. The tight gameplaymepla locked in an endless ing!ing! YEYES!YESS I cheered to an audience of no one and charming aesthetic had me hooked, glued andand shoutedshoshouu things that should never be repeat- to my screen like pixels were squares of crack. dance of digital death.” ed in genteelgegenn company. I was made of win. If the average gamer brain can contort its syn- My mindmi had been too consumed by anger aptic pathways until the ‘Pause - Menu Scroll – Not like ‘8-bit’ retro cool, youu understand.under andand gotgot ini the way of gameplay instinct! I had Retry’ mantra is as automatic as a nerve refl ex, Or like, ‘just a little bit of cake pleaseplea today’ today’ beenbe conconsumed by anger, cursing the sick mas- what chance did i stand ignoring a challenge and getting that fat juicy slice of black forest ochism of Mr Terry Cavanagh (programmer in which respawns were instantaneous, where your obese stomach was really pining for. No. and producer). reincarnation is a word that takes longer to say these were bits of gaming dignity, hard earned In that instant, I was King of Kong, Master of than it actually does to- through death and determination. Even my lap- Mario and Titan of Tombraider. I was Lord of *Wail*. And I’m back. Ready to jump into top had hushed its baseline of alerts and annoy- Lylat and His Highness of Hyrule. I was Victor action over the- ances, an act of respect for this pixel-purgatory. of VVVVVV. *Wail*. And I’m back. Again. Soon, my eyes glazed over and my fi nger mus- Alas, such a triumph cannot be adequately This point-and-click adventure provides a plunges How embarrassing! I couldn’t call“ these re- cles started to act of their own accord. They described in this medium of words, divorced Lewis Carrol’s Alice In Wonderland into a sordid world peated wails just random blips, whatever they were now mere fl eshy automatons, locked in from the narcotic pull of audio loops and pixel- of crime, violence and shady science. You play as sounded like in digital form. The level named an endless dance of digital death. perfect-precision. This is but an ode to fantastic The White Rabbit – now an assassin who after an ‘Veni, Vidi, Vici’ had me dying continuously. I *Wail*. Spike by spike, I was learning that games and near-fantastical challenges. attempt on his life has lost his memory. Graphics are tried to blame my little monochrome man and damn wall. Work needed to be done, food VVVVVV, I salute thee. I am whole again. gorgeous and bring the world to life, and voice acting some suicidal attraction he had to the spikes needed to be eaten, bowels needed” emptying, is particularly good for a web game. lining the walls but his one-frame grimace of but my fi ngers carried on in autopilot, the keys VVVVVV is available now and can be down- death and his 8-bit wail for life were just too click-clacking away like I was typing. loaded for £3.99 from Steam. FELIX Friday 26 November 2010 33 GAMES It’s raining games! Cloud gaming hits TVs OnLive extends service to your front room with the launch of the new MicroConsole
Laurence Pope servants) to do physical work for you. An adap- tor light informs you when your game is being Hear me now, peasants, with your antiquated processed, and there’s no need to waste time computers, bowls of gruel and embarrassing upgrading as all information is automatically outdated fashion sense! No longer are you quite sorted for you. It also has Wi-Fi connectivity, so inferior to the glorious PC gaming master which makes it even more portable. races with their diamond studded octo-core Perhaps you are trying to feebly contemplate processors, water cooled graphics cards and how you control your game with the OnLive jewel-encrusted laser mice, for today hear of MicroConsole? You are? Then let me fi ll you OnLive! in – you can thank me later. The OLMC comes What was that I heard you cry? What is On- with a wireless controller (usable only for the Live? As a most learned and informed gentle- MicroConsole, mind) and rechargeable bat- man let me guide you along the path to nirvāna. teries, so that you don’t have to spend more OnLive is a form of cloud computing, where money on fresh batteries and can instead splash game processing and synchronization occurs out on crusts of dry bread. If you’re not so keen on remote servers, controlled from a video feed (up to 1080p) delivered to your laughably bad PC or Mac (at least OS X 10.5.8) via the mir- “Those of you without acle that is the Internet. So long as your com- puter has a good internet connection (we are mountainous stacks of talking at least 5 Mbit/s) and can display video you can play a fi ne albeit small-ish selection of cash can connect to games such as Assassin’s Creed II, Borderlands and the ever amazing LEGO Batman in eye- games and play them on popping high quality, even if your chuggingly your HDTVs” slow machine couldn’t handle them locally. And before you start drooling all over my expensive Italian loafers, no, the games aren’t on the rather small controller you can hook up free; you are required to purchase a PlayPass to a mouse and keyboard via USB/ Bluetooth to run them, which will give you either unlimited, game with. 5-day or 3-day access to your game of choice. A bonus feature that you may like is the abil- Most of the games do have a demo mode avail- ity to record any moment of your game with able, so if you’re really worried about parting the record button on the controller, which you with what little hard-earned cash you have you can show off to your friends and look very can play the full game for a while before com- smug about. That is, if you have any friends. mitting. Or the ability to pull off any amazing gaming Now, down to the release of the OnLive moments. Sponsored Editorial MicroConsole (OLMC), those of you without So do I recommend this magical little box to No the games mountainous stacks of cash can connect to you? If you have a good broadband connection games and play them on your HDTVs (though and a computer that struggles to run Pong, I’d aren’t free; how you got your grubby hands on an HDTV tell you to sell a kidney and invest in a Micro- you have to is beyond even my great understanding). If you Console as that the package isn’t that costly and More student cuts don’t have an HDTV, just fi nd something with doesn’t require constant updating. Plus, with HDMI connectivity and you will be set to ex- over a hundred new games supposedly in the purchase a perience the gaming equivalent of Columbia’s pipeline your fi ckle attention will be kept well ‘Playpass’ to fi nest. Provided you have the broadband line to and truly captivated. Now if you’ll excuse me, Discount haircuts for Imperial stream the information, of course – the larger I have to go and purchase another solid gold run them the screen, the fastest your broadband needs to Rolls Royce. students at Fresh Hairdressers be to get a smooth experience. The physical console is about the size of an iPhone, and light enough to carry around if you More student cuts for Imperial To book an appointment, don’t happen to have an army of slaves (sorry, students at South Kensington’s call 0207 823 8968. Ask for a FRESH Hairdressers. student discount and bring your Men’s cuts £20 Imperial ID. Women’s shampoo and cut and Cash only. shake dry £26 EVENTS Women’s shampoo, cut and blow-dry £36 Light Opera Society All of our cuts are done by highly Disney’s Beauty & the Beast experienced stylists. 6-10th December Tuesday to Fridays 9.30 to Curtain Up: 19:30 4.30 (sorry no discounts on John McIntosh Arts Centre, Saturdays). London Oratory School We are only 70 metres from Tickets + Queries: South Kensington tube station [email protected] Not many games are available, but Lego Batman is. WIN 34 Friday 26 NOVEMber 2010 FELIX
Food Editor: Dana Li FOOD [email protected] Your review Dana says: Don’t be a couch potato: rationing on a student loan Alex Thompson offers rationing recipes for hungry times
Photo by mivox/fl ickr
Step aside GBK, the big daddy is here... Photo by SWNS
A change from the norm. Restaurants put aside, a Youtube recommendation is due. Anyone who read the Metro on Wednesday will recognize this guy and his awesome burger. The Canadian trio that pio- neered Epic Meal Time, Harley Morenstein, Alex Per- rault and Sterling Toth regularly churn out their sky scraping calorifi c inventions, each week attempting to break their own record of a 5,800 calorie meat- loaf. What? Yes, beef patties, hotdogs, bacon and cheese make up the horror that contains 747g fat. Myocardial infarction, yes please. Canadians are an odd breed, indeed. No offence. Where else would you fi nd a 5343 calorie sandwich that contains nine slices of bacon, three hotdogs, chips covered with cheese and gravy, a french baguette, twelve eggs and heck loads of maple syrup? That is one mouth- ful to say... let alone eat. You’ll defi nitely not fi nd it down your regular Maccy D’s although stick ten Big Macs down your throat and you’ve almost matched the record with 576 calories per Big Mac. Saying I’m pretty sure potato cakes is the way he wanted to go... RIP Mister Potato Head (Photo by mivox @fl ickr) this, it makes great viewing over dinner and rids you of the guilt you had after eating that 125g Galaxy bar. http://www.youtube.com/user/EpicMealTime Dana Li The classical image of the poverty-stricken ment, as there’s not much that can go wrong Herbed up Potato Cakes student living off baked beans, with pride and with these. clothing similarly frayed, may not apply to Extra Ingredients: most of us here at Imperial, but still we must · 5 small shiitake mushrooms appear so to our debt-a-phobic parents. In this Traditional Potato Cakes · a heaped teaspoon crushed ginger Classic beef burgers section I’m planning to introduce all of you to · a clove or two of garlic chopped and crushed some war inspired recipes that are perfect for · 200 g plain fl our 1kg minced beef (preferably not lean) mornings where a trip to the shops is impos- · 200 g warm mashed potato Simply add these ingredients into the mashed 1small onion, fi nely chopped sible without substantial amounts of analgesia. · 75 g butter potato for more fl avoursome potato cakes! 4tbsp fi ne bread crumbs Having been in this position last week, with · a big pinch of salt 1egg, lightly beaten nothing more than potatoes and dark sunglass- · two glugs of milk 1red chilli,fi nely chopped es in my possession, I turned to Ireland for sal- · a few slices of bacon (optional) Salmon Potato Cakes 1tsp salt vation and was rescued by a delicious Potato 1tsp mustard power or mustard Cake recipe. Boil the potatoes in slightly salted water (re- · 170 g plain fl our 1/2 tsp black pepper Since then, in far more able condition, I have member Thermo - this speeds things up) for · 350 g warm mashed potato 2 cloves garlic, crushed played with a few embellishments; the versa- 20-25 minutes or until the skins start to crack · 350 g cooked salmon (tinned for ease) tility of this humble staple being music to my and the potatoes become soft. Mash ‘em, skins · 75g butter Place the beef in a large bowl and add the remaining mouth. So here is the main recipe and a few al- on. · a big pinch of salt ingredients. Mix it all together by hand until just com- terations which worked, but feel free to experi- Sift the fl our with the salt into a mixing bowl. · juice of ½ lemon bined. (Overworking it will make the burger tough.) Add the butter and rub through until completely · a teaspoon of crushed ginger mixed. Whack in the mashed potato, add salt, · a teaspoon of dill tops Wet you hands then shape the mixture into burgers then knead thoroughly before adding milk a · a tablespoon of fresh parsley by fl attening the mixture in your hand about 2cm or “The classical image glug at a time until it forms a soft sticky dough. · a beaten egg 1 inch thick and smoothing the edges. of the poverty-stricken Spread some fl our onto a chopping board and · breadcrumbs pull your dough into 4-5 patties, form a ball Pre-heat the frying pan to a medium heat. Cook the student living off baked then press down each side into the fl our. Add the salmon and herbs to the mashed potato. burgers on a non-stick frying pan with a splash of oil. Heat some oil (leftover bacon oil is best!); Once the patties are formed, cover in fl our, dip Cook the burgers for about 5 minutes on each side, beans with pride and- fry on medium heat until brown on both sides. in egg and into breadcrumbs. Pop in a (200°C) turning them once only. Serve with oodles o’ butter, bacon and tomato preheated oven, turn occasionally, wait to brown clothing similarly frayed” ketchup! and Bob’s your uncle: Salmon Potato Cakes! FELIX Friday 26 november 2010 35 FOOD Mr Wing: The perfect treatment for Chinatown blues? Jamie Williams visits his local Chinese gem in Earl’s Court in hope of an alternative to the West End
he 12th November, 4:48 With a menu full of traditional Chi- (Beware: it can get competitive to see pm: e-mail received asking nese dishes, this restaurant is not for who’s the quickest!), dessert defi nitely me to review Mr Wing, a those who struggle with decision- felt natural. With a collection of Haa- Chinese restaurant in Earl’s making. Their unique dishes are based gen-Daaz ice creams or sorbets, fresh Court. on recipes from culinary capitals and fruit and hot toffee apple or banana 4:49 pm: Apprehension begins. Past regions across China, such as noodles slices (£4.50); the dessert menu is short, Texperiences of Chinese restaurants have from Beijing to hot spicy dishes from but plenty to be excited about. Not being never been favorable for me, but that the southwest. After fi nally deciding, able to decide which dessert to choose, is a different story in itself. Of course, the horror on my face began at the re- the perfect solution is to get them all, I could have given it to somebody else, alization I was about to receive a deep- right? Now that was an interesting con- but a quick look on Mr Wing’s website end discovery of how to use chopsticks. versation with the waiter. The hot toffee reassured me that this could fi nally be Luckily, my steaming food, overpower- banana slices were defi nitely not what the place to dampen my fears. I was expecting, think sweet and sour As I arrived I realized the Internet por- chicken balls crossed with banana, but I trayal was spot-on: a modern, fresh and “Unique dishes are am sure somebody out there likes them! unique experience awaited me. Famous But what is sure, you cannot go wrong for its food, foliage and jazz, Mr Wing based on recipes with Haagen-Daaz. Personal favourites offers a non-conventional feel to a popu- were the Cookies & Cream and Belgian lar Chinese cuisine. My excitement lev- from culinary capi- Chocolate scoops. That, mixed with the els grew as I walked down the staircase, refreshing lemon sorbet, provided the past a fl owing waterfall, to be seated in tals across China” You can understand why I was distracted by Nemo and Dori... not! perfect end to a fantastic evening. the sophisticated, chic, modern, ground- Mr Wing can appeal to anybody, with fl oor basement; a fi sh tank wall on one a range of prices and dishes and I defi - side of me, a tropical tree on the other. ing both the jazz band and the waterfall, Lettuce Rolls (a warm mix of vegetables Cantonese Fillet Steak with Spring On- nitely recommend it. What I will say is Wow. The fi rst restaurant I’ve been to was enough to drag my attention away wrapped in a cold lettuce leaf, the Chi- ion and Ginger (£14.00) provided an that the prices may not be suitable for where I couldn’t care less how long they from Nemo and Dori, to realise that nese answer to Fajitas for £9.50), this understated tender meat mix with the a standard night out for every student’s take to deliver my food, I had the ‘fat thankfully knifes and forks were pro- left my taste buds impatient for more. overpowering ginger and undertone of pocket. But it is certainly something you fi sh’ chasing Nemo and Dori around to vided. Phew. Luckily, the main courses did not dis- onion. It was mouth-watering. Enough can book once-in-a-while for a fancy keep me occupied. The Honeyed Barbeque Pork Ribs appoint. As cruel as it felt eating fi sh said. celebratory meal and you will not be But then you stop. Stop and realise (£7.50) provide succulent meat, which next to a tropical fi sh tank, the Steamed After a short break of listening to the disappointed. P.S. Remember, fi sh are how relaxing the atmosphere is, with literally falls off of the bone, leaving a Seabass Fillet with Ginger and Spring old-meets-modern jazz pianist, who friends, not food! a warm piano touch from the jazz pia- lovely smoked barbeque after-taste. Ac- Onion (£17) added a sweet, textured plays the likes of Lady Gaga and Taio nist, with a hint of waterfall in the back- companied with Thai prawn crackers feel to the tongue, complemented with Cruz on Thursday, Friday and Saturday Mr Wing 242 Old Brompton Road ground and low lighting directed at your (normal crackers with a uniquely spicy the fresh Spring Onion and Egg Fried nights, and desperately trying to associ- London SW5 0DE. Nearest tube: table. It was truly mesmerizing. kick for £3.50) and Mixed Vegetable Rice (£4.50). The jazz-muting, sizzling, ate the Acappella with the song name Earls Court It’s just love and peas at Hummus Bros Company Photo by Chinhua Yap Chinhua Yap bit of garlic-infused lemon juice (in a meal, go for the Malabi — a petite milk convenient squirt bottle) can be added to pudding served with an unapologetic The Hummus Bros spoke, and we lis- add a slight tartness that complemented and gloriously honeyed syrup. tened. They said, rather politely, “Think the intensity of the toppings. The taste- Also impressive was the customis- outside the sandwich” and we did just ful ensemble was served with a fl uffy ability offered, a mix of toppings can be that; every bite was a savoury delight. (and warm, thank goodness) pita bread. chosen instead of just one and the pita Oh yes, the offerings from Hummus Hummus Bros epitomizes honest fresh- bread can be swapped for carrot sticks Bros were healthy and accommodating ness, with hummus made daily, the qual- or tortilla chips. Vegetarian-friendly op- as well. Faithful readers of Felix would ity far exceeds store bought variants. tions were aplenty and the serving staff have learnt from a previous issue that Hummus Bros rewards students with would offer suggestions and customiza- Hummus is an Arabian dip made from a 50% discount on sides and drinks with tions, if required. garbanzo beans (or chickpeas) blended every hummus dish. The Greek salad Honestly, I was surprised at how deli- with lemon juice and tahini (sesame came with crisp vegetable cubes topped cious the hummus was, simple and clean butter). It is commonly served along- generously with briny Feta cheese, a tasting with no gimmicks. The hummus side pita bread as an appetizer. Hum- brilliant companion to the hummus. was fresh and smooth, toppings were mus Bros plated the chickpeas puree Wash everything down with the gently full-bodied and attendance was most as a base on which various condiments warming spiced apple juice on a cold delightful. If you have been downing were piled upon. Toppings ranged from day or a refreshing mint and ginger lem- one plate too many fi sh and chips and chunky beef (for the carnivorous) to onade for a warmer one. For those look- your arteries scream for your good be- chickpeas or blended fava beans (for ing for a little candied ending to their haviour, pay Hummus Bros a visit. It is the traditional) to guacamole (for the not creative to quote excessively, but I pretentious). Radiant sprinkles of pa- think Hummus Bros’ T-shirts say it best, prika and parsley provided the spicy I think Hummus Bros’ “Give peas a chance.” and earthy fl avour that made the humble hummus that much more vivid, and the T-shirts say it best, Hummus Bros 88 Wardour Street W1F dollop of tahini deepened the fl avours 0TH. Take-away and delivery available. Giving peas a chance, Hummus Bros layers toppings on the hummus with a distinct nuttiness. If desired, a “Give peas a chance” Nearest tube: Oxford Circus. 36 Friday 26 November 2010 felix
HANGMAN [email protected] Twatter SexyOsama69 May I C**Tinue? If Shakespeare was allowed to swear, then why not knock knock e Barack_attack_l33thaxor Hangman? Actually, don’t answer that...
hen people tell me that I’m not al- Who’s there? lol lowed to use the ‘C word’, the ‘C SexyOsama69 bomb’ or the ‘C beebie’, I feel indignant. Not just be- causeW they’ve threatened my freedom of speech, but because they can’t even say the word ‘cunt’. Now I’m not saying North Korea that the vulgarity should just be thrown Barack_attack_l33thaxor around willy cunting nilly, but it should at least be recognised and valued for its unrivalled power to shock. Some of you may have already turned the page by now with a grimace of protest, but in North Korea who? my eyes you’re not principled or high- minded, you’re simply weak. If you so SexyOsama69 vehemently object to an offensive word Childish? Nah-uhhh. What do you mean “how did I get into Imperial?” because it offends, then you might as well object to your own lungs when they manage to successfully supply your blood with oxygen! The word is just do- literary masters, but I also like to push Swearing is a vital linguistic ele- ... just North Korea ing its job. buttons. I will never use a ‘nasty word’ ment in both spoken and written word, Barack_attack_l33thaxor Obscenities, profanities and vulgari- unless I deem it absolutely necessary. but more importantly humour. If you ties have been used in written language The word ‘cunt’ has nearly exactly the haven’t worked it out by now, I have for centuries. Shakespeare was a no- same meaning as ‘twat’, ‘fanny’ and very strong opinions on the subject mat- torious potty mouth and much of his ‘vulva’, but calling someone a vulva ter and this is the first time I’ve really work was censored for the sake of them doesn’t seem to pack the same punch. been that serious about something in dats a shit knock-knock joke youngsters. Even Chaucer supposedly Oi, oi! I’m No, despite the words meaning the same Felix. If I want to use the word ‘cunt’, used an early form of the word ‘cunt’ thing, the word ‘cunt’ sounds offensive it’s because I want to offend said ‘cunt’. SexyOsama69 in ‘The Miller’s Tale’. The question is talking to you, just because, well, it sounds offensive. If I wanted to call said ‘cunt’ a ‘twat’, a why such historic writers felt the need to there’s nothing The psychology behind our emotional ‘douche’, or an ‘asshole’, I would have use foul language. The simple answer is to see here. This responses to vulgarities is surprisingly used ‘twat’, ‘douche’ or ‘asshole’. If to push buttons. Shakespeare wanted to is some bullshit complicated and there are countless pa- readers want to complain about the use enrage and incense his audience pers written on the subject. I don’t have of the word ‘cunt’ then let them com- WTF is a knock-knock joke? and Chaucer was just a filthy san serif text the page space to go into detail, but just plain. Or just star out the ‘u’. And the SUPERACEGORTHEROAR87 pervert who also happened in bold. You take a moment to ask yourself why you ‘n’ as well if you want. Starring out let- to be a very tal- ented poet. easily distracted find the word ‘cunt’ so utterly deplor- ters is like giving Imperial students a I’m not equat- able. If someone called you a vulva, puzzle and they love puzzles! In fact it’s ing myself to these wanker!!! would you have the same response? like playing hangman. Which ones r the bad guys? north koreans or south koreans?
Cameron_DA_Maneron!!! he welfare state is for like Dunc-E pe0ple wh0 are like well p00r and shit 0r are havin a baby but There’s a SOUTH KOREA? Oh shit, they are n0t sh0uld have a baby better re-write my statement for because they are stupid and will the press The w0rld Expla1ned by probablyT do kill the baby from dr0ppin it 0n the fl00r. The welfare state als0 gives The_Cleggomatortrontown <3 Dunc-E, the clumsily- m0ney to pe0ple who are cann0t walk 0r can n0t d0 g0 t0ilet but y0u can n0t say programmed and seriously anything bad ab0ut them because that is racist and blasphem0us. S0 we are 0k Who’s there? Oh ffs. too late misinformed robot with giving the m0ney t0 int0 the disa- bleds but n0t the lazy p00r pe0ple. if y0u d0 n0t have a j0b then y0u can always be a pr0stitute 0r sell drugs 0r traffick DRUNKEN MATE OF THE WEEK This week Dunc-E w0men s0 there is n0 excuse f0r being Send your photos to [email protected] explains... n0t having a j0b because there are m0re (stop sending pictures of naked guys...) j0bs than there are pe0ple. The Welfare THE WELFARE STATE State is paid f0r by the queen felix Friday 26 November 2010 37
THE NEWS WITHOUT THE NEWS Horoscopes Aries Taurus After spending last week on Facebook, You wake on Tuesday to find you are you have now become one of those an- Harry Potter. OMG! Now’s your chance noying prats that excessively uses smi- to fuck Hermione. You shit all over each leys in your text messages :p :p. Anyone other, and go at like rabbits until the sun who needs to convey emotion and senti- rises on your love pool of semen, faeces, ment via the use of teenage punctuation and vaginal juices only to realise you’re systems is not worth my time of day XD not Harry and you just did your sister. Gemini Cancer You meet the girl of your dreams. You You believe the middle classes are want to say hi, but being a timid geek discouraged from breeding because you go home and long for the day when it is jolly expensive. But for those on fate lets your paths cross again. IT benefits, there is every incentive. Well, WON’T. Life is not a rehearsal; either that’s not a very sensible policy. You tell tell her or console yourself by wanking everyone your views. You spend the rest with your least favoured hand. of the week apologising. Leo Virgo You have nothing better to do this week You are a man. You manage to gain other than write comments on the Felix access to the Ann Summers party at website about your disdain for the qual- Reynolds Bar on Saturday Night. In “Rare Camel-Chameleon ity of the articles. Ironic, seeing as your your excitment, you get your cock out comments are even shitter - you spastic, and whack it in chicks’ faces ‘cos you fuckbag, monstrous nightmare of a cunt. think that’s what they dig. WHABAM!! discovered in India” Have an opinion? Keep it to yourself. In fact, they don’t. You get arrested. Libra Scorpio This week you are the Pope. You real- This week you participate in the tug of DRUNKEN MATE OF THE WEEK ise condoms might actually prevent the war between ChemSoc and CivSoc. You spread of HIV. Well done, you dumb add a novel twist, tying willies together fuck. Once again, you are lightyears be- if you’re a bloke, nipples if you’re a hind everyone else. It was only in 1992 gal. A mistake as much pain ensues - that you acknowledged the earth rotates although one lecturer excitedly screams around the sun *slow clapping* “spank me baby!” Sagittarius Capricorn Your queer friend wants to test your This week, you are the perennial gayness level. You protect yourself with underachiever. You only make it to the help of Margaret Thatcher, declaring Deputy Felix editor (2 yrs running). You “This penis is not for turning!” But your are the Nick Clegg of Felix. You can friend, inspired by Peter Mandelson, shout your orders, but this astrologist brings new meaning to the phrase “The only reports to the big boss. You are no Prince of Darkness.” enforcer. Dream on. Aquarius Pisces You get trapped in your bathroom, with As the stars align in the northern no phone or window. It is 20 days before hemisphere, you realise that there are anyone notices you are missing. You are no truths, only perspectives. Unless you rescued by a gallant fireman. You thank are Nick Griffin or George Galloway, in him by saying “You shouldn’t have been which case you are definitely 100% a Oh Harry Soljak, what would your mother say? Actually she’d probably be really turned on, she loves this kind of so fucking busy with those Chileans.” massive dickfuck. stuff. I mean the fi rst time I was a bit reluctant but hey, I’m an easy-going guy... 38 Friday 26 november 2010 FELIX Puzzles Editors: Polly Bennett James Hook Aman Nahar PUZZLES [email protected] Last Week’s Solutions Crossword Pictogram ! eme: Codes The historical origin of this holiday is Slitherlink “Hooray!” I hear you cry. “I recognise this puzzle. It’s that one where you don’t have any clues and the grid is as blank as my face” disputed. 322 3 3 Yes, the codeword has arrived in Felix. Each number uniquely corresponds to each letter of the 1 31 alphabet. So, if you think Q is represented by 1, write a Q in each box with a 1 in it. Do it for all 26 2 2 2 3 letters based on the frequency and position of each number. All entries make real words (no nasty phrases). ! e grid below is for you to keep track of which letters you’ve already used. I’ve given 2 3 1 you some letters to start as well. See, it’s all rather pleasant, really. 1 2 2 2 13 3 3 132 22 10 17 17 7 14 4 4 1 23 10 3 16 3 131 A N 32232 2 3 14 1 14 21 19 13 19 B O 1 3 1 3 C P 7 10 13 26 14 19 11 9 4 1014 5 14 D Q 1 9 22 10 5 14 E R A vegan alternative for Turkey. F S 1115 11 7 3 10 19 1112 5 10 1 7 1526 Nonogram G T
4 4 2 2 14 1 6 21 22 12 H U 5 1 1 1 1 3 1 I V 3 1 1 143 1 7 1 3 51316 10 21417 13 14 2518 25 191517 5 12016 19 18 2 6 J W 1 5 12 11 24 11 4 1 K X
5 22217 10 12 12 2314 182414 20 193 21 2625 14 22 L Y M Z 5 4 11 7 24 22 14 26 2 5 262120 19 14 8 21 10 7 7 14 1522 14 1423 2 3 3 12 26 18 6 11 11 19 1 1 1 Three birds (turkey, duck, chicken) 424 10 26 12 14 19 25 26 12 14 9 14 22 3 nested inside each other and cooked together 3 2
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 O W Crossword 2614 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26
H A I L M A R Y 5 O R C H I D I M Y O E O I I T I P O F O N E S T 10O N G U E U A I O F H C Chess - White mate in 3 (black to move fi rst) 11P O S T I T 12N O T E L 15A V A O A R E G S S 1316N O 1417N P L U 18S 1915R I 2016O T A C T C A L I L K 2021 An edible substance or mixture, often 2217E C H I 23D N 1824A 19 19C O 25D E I N E a starch, used to fill a cavity in another A O Y P E T L food. 2620C A P E 21 A D A M A 22N D 23E V E H A G A I G A 24W I N W I N 25S I T U A T I O N A Z R H R T B O 26Y E A R L Y R E D E E M E R Cryptic solutions - Across 1 DISCREDIT 5 DWEEB 9 OSMOSIS 10 NUCLEAR 11 STAIR 12 NICARAGUA 14 ICY 15 IN A NUT SHELL 17 NIGHT VISION 19 SOS 20 ARCHANGEL 22 SYRUP 24 STOICAL 26 WAR HERO 27. ASSET 28. PORTFOLIO Down 1 DROSS 2 SUMMARY 3 RESTRAINT 4 DISENGAGING 5 TON 6 DECOR 7 EPERGNE 8 BARNACLES 13 CAULIFLOWER 14 IONIAN SEA 16 SANS A symbol of food and abundance dat- SERIF 18 GECKOES 19 SURREAL 21 ASCOT 23 ing back to the 5th century BC. PROMO 25 LIP Going Underground
W E S T S I L V E R T O W N 23 5 19 20 19 9 12 22 5 18 20 15 23 14 The red letters spell... DAY FELIX Friday 26 november 2010 39 PUZZLES Going Underground SLITHERLINK
Each letter in the alphabet is assigned Underground station) the sum equals a number value between 1 and 26 (see the total shown. Send the Underground 3 22 table) and when added together for a station that is hidden each week to specific word (or in this case specific [email protected] 1 2
A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 2 1 3 3 1 2
B A N K 1 2 212 = 1 2 1 14 11 28 2+1+14+11=28. Job done. 2 3 221 2 2 So which London tube station sums to ? ______1 2 31222 = 104 322 22 2 FUCWIT The Felix University/College-Wide In- 2 22 League Leader Board vitational Tournament League is new and improved, with prizes for both TTeams:eams: the winning team and the winning 3131 2 1 1 I “Am” Squidhead 58 individual. Killuminati 53 Points will be awarded per individ- ual puzzles solved. The first person/ 3 2 Big Gay Al 33 team to send in a correct answer for a puzzle will receive 2 points per puzzle. After that people who send If you’ve ever played minesweeper, then around it. Lines can never cross! In the in correct answers will be awarded IIndividuals:ndividuals: 1 point per puzzle. Double points you should be able to understand this end, you will end up with a closed loop. are awarded for cryptic crosswords. puzzle. The number in each box repre- Just have a look at the solution in the op- Shadi Sharbain 51 sents the number of lines that can exist posite page. James Ko 17 Send your solutions to: [email protected] L Y O P Wael Aljeshi 7 for points galore! Wordoku Don’t look so surprised y’all, you know G E I O how this works by now, surely? Every Y B H E row, column and three by three square must contain each letter once. ! e P G L I Nonogram by Puzzle Captain end result is a rather useless word or H L P G 1 3 1 phrase. I O E Y 3 2 1 1 2 2 What? Fine, go do your computational 33 4 1 1 1 1 2 55 labs if you don’t want to play. I just thought...you know...it might be fun... Y P B G 1
1 1
1 2
2 1
2
1 4
10
4 2
2 2
6
The cells in a grid have to be coloured The numbers measure how many or left blank according to numbers at unbroken lines of filled-in squares the side of the grid. there are in any given row or column. 40 FRIDAY 26 NOVEMBER 2010 felix
Sports Editor: Jovan Nedic David Wilson SPORT [email protected] Forgotten Sports Can’t kick, won’t kick? Handball Sign up for Handball Carina Carter
Formed in 2007, handball or the’ Imperial Eagles’ as they like to be known, is one of the latest sporting additions at Imperial. Despite being hugely popular with our neighbours on the continent, handball is still relatively new in the UK so you can be excused if you’ve haven’t got a clue what the sport is about. The sport’s popularity in the UK is growing though, with more universities forming teams. Team GB are also entering a handball team in 2012 for the very fi rst time. Handball must be one of the few sports played at Imperial not to be part of BUCS, showing how new the sport really is, and so their fi xtures are organised by the British Handball Association. As well as friendlies they play four league fi xtures a term, where they compete against other universities and also non-university teams. The club has a men’s team (obviously, it is Imperial...) but also have a joint ladies’ team, last year with Oxford and now with UCL, so that the girls can compete too. Several members also play The Imperial Eagles in action for a local team (the ‘Ruislip Eagles’), allow- ing them to play more. This week, Felix Sport takes a look “There were six Imperial players that went at one of Imperial’s sporting new- on to win the EHA (England Handball Associ- ation) cup, which qualifi ed us to play on a Eu- borns. Carina Carter is no stranger ropean level” says the clubs secretary Stefan Bauer; “As you can see, we cater for beginners to using her hands and give strong players the chance to play at a Rugby: back on track very competitive level too”. Whilst the club do not go on tour as such like other sports teams, they are lucky to com- ....Cotinued from back page off. In the lital last few minutes of the match, What is Handball? pete in various tournaments in the year and so the fi nal ten minutes behind, the team even- with Imperial knowing that they were chasing have several weekends away. They travel to tually emerged 26-22 victors thanks to a late the victory, the forwards continually provided Team Handball is a very popular sport in continental France every year to take part in the ‘Chal- try from Ed Labinski who is making a habit of thrust, battering UCL backwards. The out- Europe and has been an Olympic sport for years. lenge Centrale Lyon” scoring ‘game winning tries’. come however, eluded Imperial but they can The modern handball sport started in the latter half This involves around 8000 uni students de- The victory got Imperial’s season back on take heart from the fact that they competed of the nineteenth century, although the origin of scending on Lyon to compete in a variety of track and provided a fi rst win for stand in skip- well against and probably should have beaten the game can be traced back to the ancient period, sports and is apparently a lot of fun. They per Charlie Esberger. a team which infl icted a heavy defeat on them when Greeks played a similar game. also compete in the UK University Champion- There is only one game remaining this term in the opening game of the season. In Handball, two teams of 7 players each (6 fi eld ships and were awarded the ‘fair play award’ against Saint Bart’s and the team are deter- The team will take this experience and use it players and a goalkeeper) pass and dribble a ball to last year. The club is currently trying to set up mined to put in a big and impressive perfor- to their advantage as they look to end this term ultimately throw it into the goal of the other team. a South England tournament as a way for uni mance before Christmas which they hope they on the back of a decent run of results, hoping It is a fast game with almost a goal scored every teams around London to get more games. can carry through into the new year culminat- that they can turn around a run of narrow losses minute of a game. Handball is still a fairly small club with ing in a league title as well as the ever elusive in the new year. Crisp, fl uent and creative ball movement is para- around 30 members, which means that the Varsity victory. mount in setting up scoring opportunities in Hand- social side is good because everyone knows *** ball, since no players are allowed inside the six-me- each other. *** ter arc outlining the goal area. The offensive team Always intrigued to fi nd out about clubs The fourth team succumbed to a crushing works the ball quickly around the perimeter and tries drinking traditions, I was told the Imperial The Second XV put on a spirited display but 60-3 against a supposed Imperial Medicals to set up a shot, which can reach a speed of over Eagles tipple of choice is ‘vodka cornichon’, were knocked out of the BUCS cup by UCL 1st third XV, a team which contained a number 100km/h. That makes the Handball the 2nd fastest which is vodka with a pickle water mixer (I XV, losing 21-19. The team will no doubt feel of players who seemed to resemble players indoor sport and arguably the most exciting one to think I’ll stick to the more traditional mix- hard done by after what appeared to be a legiti- who played in the Varsity match earlier in the watch and play. ers personally). The club had a good intake mate try was not awarded in the dying minutes, season. The fourth team put on a spirited per- This might all sound a bit hectic and confusing, of freshers with many of them having never furthermore fl y half Rob Dowden had the op- formance against a team who were clearly of a but it is easy to pick up and helps to develop many played before. portunity to win the game with a penalty kick better standard. of the basic athletics skills needed in other sports. If you fancy giving it a try, the club trains at in the last play of the game however, his kick The team will look forward to their next en- ethos on a Wednesday night 8-10pm. Mem- went agonisingly wide of the left post. counter with the medics and will be confi dent Imperial Handball bership is £25 for the year and taster sessions The team put on a spirited performance of achieving a result against their rivals before are free. throughout the match with the forwards pro- their eagerly anticipated Varsity matchup in viding a useful platform for the backs to work March. felix FRIDAY 26 NOVEMBER 2010 41 SPORT Rowers cut their teeth on the Cam Imperial College Boat Club take hungover newbies rowing on a cold morning
Tom Carpenter tree on the course. Shouts from bow- too great, abandoning the crippled boat man Reuben ‘Cameron’ Hill to “BACK for some poor excuse of needing to race What better way to start a weekend than IT DOWN” were too late to evade the in his own crew. Will ‘Captain Side- waking up to a glorious hangover at half inevitable. Colliding with the only tree burns’ Blyth took control of the situa- past six on a cold winter’s morning. sticking out of the bank, their race was tion to avoid the boat disrupting the next Early starts are what rowing is all about over after only ten strokes. Our school race, Tom ‘lycra’ Carpenter stepped in apparently, but it was still a huge shock boy friend would soon be receiving nu- for his coxing debut and with the help of to many of ICBC’s novices. merous death threats. strokeman Hugh ‘facial’ O’Connell the After some light dozing and a good Back in the race Men’s A steamed boat was successfully coxed the rest of few bananas, London was left behind through the fi rst 1000km with great skill the way down the course and to safety. and they were soon being thrown off and power. Valuable time was unfortu- At least the fi nish line was reached in the coach in an obscure housing estate nately lost in the second 1000km due the end. in north Cambridge. The Cam, a mere to strokeman Tommy ‘pedo-rapist-train- The Novice A boats set out again re- stream compared with the might of ers’ Hirst sliding straight off his runners christened Men’s Boat C and Woman’s the Thames tideway, gave confi dence owing to a previously mentioned issue Boat B. Crashing boats again proved to to the competitors at least for a good with his seat. be the problem of the day with a boat result. Finishing fast and making up ground catching the bank and jack knifi ng With all parts of the boat successfully on the team in front Men’s Novice boat across the river right in front of the Men. remembered and reassembled this was A came in a satisfying third position (15 Thankfully with a more experienced it, time to get on the water and meander seconds off fi rst )destroying all our Lon- cox, potential disaster was avoided. to the start line. A cox down, the Men’s don competition and leaving Cambridge Xavier ‘pension’ Lorrain and Tom ‘blue B boat drafted in the help of a prepubes- gawping at the rowing talent they had shirt’ McArdle et al put in a sterling cent Westminster school boy, with little rejected. Without seat issues, could fi rst effort in the fi nal 500m to fi nish their to no coxing experience. have been theirs? second race of the day in style ahead of Paddling up to the start it was dis- Meanwhile the Woman’s Novice Boat a queue of other boats. covered that 2500m wasn’t as far as were giving a master class in competi- The woman once again showed what it sounded and some of the competi- tive rowing, streaking past the boat in imperial can do with a fi fth place fi nish tion was defi nitely beatable. With all front in the fi nal 1000m and pulling from the second boat beating both Kings three crews safely at the start line, Alex lengths ahead to obliterate the competi- College boats and many Cambridge col- ‘Crabz’ Quigley produced a powerful tion and post the fastest time in class, by leges. speech, full of Cambridge bitterness to a large margin. After a few dozen more bananas, and rally the team for the race. Crew t-shirts Anyone would think they were trying the longest discussion about lemonade adorned, the race was on. to make a point: Imperial College does and pimms in history, ICBC headed The Men’s Student Novice Boat A accept girls? No wait, Imperial Wom- home to celebrate their success in cen- was away, powering through the fi rst an’s Novices are a force to be reckoned turion drinking style. hundred metres, feeling good. Sudden- with. Apparently the opening of metric was ly, the IC Novice Boat B could be seen Men’s Boat B gingerly made its way pretty good too. What better way to end careering diagonally across an almost down the course where eventually the a weekend than waking up to a glorious straight section of river towards the only pressure on the vulnerable cox became They just needed to push away and they would be in business! hangover.
Imperial fencers foil Oxford efforts Imperial overcome rivals Charlotte Levin to show what they had. Queen Mary did and Alice warmed up to fence epee ....Continued from back page their game right away and increased put up a tougher fi ght, but Imperial had while the rest of the team got ready to Imperial’s reliable and diverse attack- their lead constantly throughout the IC Fencing Women’s fi rst team visited their mind set on victory and rounded support. Cambridge was the most de- ing plays, which include cleverly named second 30 minutes. UCL became in- Oxford last weekend as a fi rst part of off nicely. manding opponent, having been so over schemes like “Wurst” or “Dagmar”, and creasingly and visibly frustrated, which BUCS Premier League South Division. Counting the score at the end of the the past years and hence building up a the fact that the opponent goalkeeper was indicated by many German and It was a weekend well spent, fencing day was a pure pleasure. It turned out mental challenge as well. It was an even had only played handball twice in his French swearwords being used on the against Oxford, Cambridge, King’s Col- that the team had done so well that match throughout, the teams taking turn life helped to quickly turn the game court, and culminated in attempts to de- lege and Queen Mary and eventually re- three out of four matches already were of being in the lead and sometimes se- around. The aggressive 5-1 defense in- capitate and mutilate the Eagles goal- turning with excellent results. won, and very was required to win the riously threatening the goal that had terrupted UCL’s attacks, forcing numer- keeper (who had an excellent 2nd half) First up on piste was the foil team, last one: 8 hits in total, in a match of been set. Emily fenced the last part of ous turnovers, whereas on the other end from the penalty spot and the wing po- consisting of Alice Mitchell, Hanna fi rst to 45. The night was spent with- the match, and she got the rest of the of the court precise and fast passing set sitions. Severely unimpressed by their Bryars and Outi Supponen. They liter- out worrying, complimenting everyone team standing on their toes before win- up the wing players to score easy goals opponent’s vulgar display of disap- ally danced their way through the four for the good performance and putting ning with a single hit, 45-44. The last on several occasions. Midway through pointment, the Imperial Eagles contin- fi rst matches, emphasising how strong up goals for the next day. It was after match was fenced against Queen Mary, the fi rst half it became obvious that our ued to exploit the turnovers and soared the team is and also building a comfort- all a competition, and what would it be a match that required more tactic con- opponent was lacking in coordination to a justifi ed ten goal advantage at the able margin for the other weapons. Past without a challenge to strive for? The sideration. Nevertheless, thanks to very and variability, which mean that Impe- end of the game. lunch time, weapons were switched and aim was set as high as possible: leave good team work, good estimations of rial established a well-deserved 4-goal It was a perfect and very encouraging Clare Harding replaced Alice for sabre. Oxford undefeated. It had never be individual performances and of course advantage in the fi nal minutes before the start to the season, which was elaborate- Having good confi dence from earlier done before, and sometime had to be great supporting, Charlotte was able to interval. ly celebrated in Metric, but no reason to years and the successful morning, the la- the fi rst one. fi nish the match at 45-40. It was a con- With the comfortable advantage, and be complacent if the talented team wants dies continued standing strong and bare- Arriving to the venue on Sunday fi dent, proud and happy team returning fully aware of their opponent’s weak- to bring some silverware to London over ly even gave the other teams a chance morning, Emily Bottle, Charlotte Levin to London. nesses, Imperial players stepped up the course of the season. 42 FRIDAY 26 NOVEMBER 2010 felix
Sports Editors: Jovan Nedic David Wilson SPORT [email protected] Felix Sports League sponsored by ICU Snooker discover fresher Champion Team P W D L F A Diff Index 1 Rugby M1 2 2 0 0 57 16 41 5 Sam Dennis 2 ICSM Netball W1 1 1 0 0 42 24 18 5 3 Table Tennis M2 1 1 0 0 17 0 17 5 Last week saw ICU Snooker’s fi rst internal 4 Basketball W1 1 1 0 0 52 42 10 5 tournament of the year, the Freshers’ Tourna- 5 Netball W1 1 1 0 0 28 21 7 5 ment. After many of Imperial’s fi rst team grad- 6 ICSM Football M2 1 1 0 0 5 1 4 5 uated last year, eyes were on the freshers to im- 7 Netball W2 1 1 0 0 34 30 4 5 press and work their way in to the team to help 8 Squash M3 1 1 0 0 4 1 3 5 defend our BUCS gold medal later in the year. 9 Hockey M3 1 1 0 0 3 1 2 5 Entrants to this year’s tournament ranged 10 ICSM Badminton M1 1 1 0 0 5 3 2 5 from absolute beginners through to a national 11 ICSM Hockey M2 1 1 0 0 3 1 2 5 champion. 12 ICSM Hockey M3 1 1 0 0 4 2 2 5 Finalist Jonathan Morrow had the most event- 13 Hockey W1 1 1 0 0 0 4 1 5 ful route to the fi nal, beating Jonathan Hoong 14 Football M1 1 0 1 0 2 2 0 2 2-1 in the quarterfi nal from 1-0 down, and more 15 Rugby M3 2 1 0 1 0 0 0 0.5 impressively coming from 2-1 behind to secure 16 Rugby M4 2 1 0 1 43 74 -31 0.5 his place in the fi nal, beating Bobo Kijac 3-2. 17 Badminton M1 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 Meeting Jonathan in the fi nal was one of Ro- 18 Badminton W1 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 mania’s fi nest, Bogdan Cozmaciuc. Bogdan 19 Basketball M1 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 had reached the fi nal winning all his matches in 20 Fencing M1 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 straight frames and registering the two highest 21 Fencing M2 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 breaks of the tournament. 22 Fencing W1 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 So the fi nal was set, the unbeaten Bogdan 23 Fencing W2 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 Cozmaciuc versus the come-back king Jona- 24 Football M3 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 than Morrow. As expected, Bogdan took an 25 Hockey M1 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 early lead in the best of seven match, claiming The intense stare that every (fresher) Champion has is not lacking here 26 Ice Hockey M1 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 the fi rst three frames. The scene was set for an- 27 ICSM Badminton W1 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 other amazing come-back from Jonathan Mor- 28 ICSM Football M3 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 row, but could he actually come back to claim ing qualifi cations from the prestigious Terry put next to his already earned title of ‘National 29 ICSM Hockey M1 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 Freshers’ tournament 2010 victory and be the Griffi ths’ Snooker Academy, Bogdan has also Champion of Romania’ in the under-19 and 30 ICSM Hockey W3 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 subject of one of the fi nest underdog stories of competed in European and World Champion- mens categories. 31 ICSM Rugby M3 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 all time? ships, and played professionals Mark King and Sign up for the Internal League is now open 32 Lacrosse M1 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 No! the legendary Jimmy White. to all ICU Snooker members. For all those who 33 Lacrosse W1 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 Bogdan left his mark as Imperial’s best new- Next in Bogdan’s sights is the Internal feel beating the likes of Bogdan and reigning 34 Lacrosse W2 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 bie, claiming the fi nal 4-0 and keeping his un- League, where the entire club competes in a champion Sam Dennis is a steep challenge, there 35 Squash M1 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 beaten record. league and knockout format to fi nd the clubs are two tiers to allow players of any standard a 36 Squash M2 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 Coached by his father, who gained coach- number one. Surely a prize he is longing to long and prosperous tournament experience. 37 Squash M4 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 38 Squash W1 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 39 Table Tennis M1 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 40 Table Tennis W1 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 41 Tennis M1 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 42 Tennis W1 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 43 Volleyball M1 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 Sports personality draws near 44 Volleyball W1 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 45 Water Polo M1 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 David Wilson tain Mr Tiger Woods who had stood at the sum- competitions this season but still managed to 46 Water Polo W1 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 mit of world golf for 281 weeks before West- add the European title to her growing medal 47 Rugby M2 2 0 0 2 22 31 -9 -4 On the 19th of December the BBC will host the wood knocked him off of his perch. haul as well as captaining the British side at the 48 ICSM Rugby M1 2 0 0 2 34 54 -20 -4 57th annual Sports Personality of Year awards February seems like a long time ago, but Aviva International meet in Glasgow. The post- 49 Hockey M4 1 0 0 1 0 2 4 -4 at the LG Arena in Birmingham. Many people during that month Amy Williams won gold at er girl of the 2012 Olympics competed in only 50 Hockey M2 1 0 0 1 0 1 -1 -4 may think that this has been a relatively lean the Vancouver Winter Olympic Games, throw- a limited amount of competitions this season in 51 Badminton M2 1 0 0 1 3 5 -2 -4 year as far as British sport is concerned, there ing herself down an open topped tunnel made order to focus on upcoming London Olympics. 52 ICSM Badminton M2 1 0 0 1 3 5 -2 -4 hasn’t been too much to shout about especially of ice on a slab of metal. Williams won a gold Tom Daley overcame Delhi belly to win two 53ICSM Football M1 10 0 10 2 -2 -4 as the ‘golden generation’ of English football medal in the skeleton event, the fi rst Briton to Commonwealth gold medals. To put this in per- 54F Footballootball MM22 1 0 0 1 1 4 - -33 - -44 failed so miserably at the World Cup. There win an individual gold at the winter Olympics spective, Daley is 16 years old and he beat the 55ICSM Hockey W1 10 0 10 3 -33 -4 have, however, been a number of sporting for 30 years. The low profi le of winter sports 2008 Olympic champion in order to win the in- 56N Netballetball WW33 1 0 0 1 1 188 22 - -44 - -44 achievements of note. means that Williams is likely to be an outsider dividual Commonwealth title. Daley has youth 57Football W1 10 0 1 16 -55 -4 Graeme McDowell won the US Open this for the title this and any other year. on his side and will likely win many more med- 58H Hockeyockey WW22 1 0 0 1 0 6 - -66 -4 year and in doing so became the fi rst European Mark Cavendish won fi ve stages of the Tour als over the coming years. 59Fencing M3 10 0 1118 126 -88 -4 to win that major in 40 years. Not only that, but de France this year and save for a relatively David Haye would surely have been in with a 60Te Tennisnnis MM22 1 0 0 1 0 1 100 -1 -100 - -44 McDowell played in the fi nal singles match of poor start to the tour he would have won the shout of the title if he had fought anyone other 61ICSM Hockey W2 10 0 10 13 -1313 -4 the Ryder Cup and sunk the fi nal putt which coveted green sprint jersey. Cavendish is a than Fr-Audley ‘A-Farce’ Harrison earlier this 62I ICSMCSM NNetballetball WW22 1 0 0 1 22 4 455 -2 -233 -4 ensured that the cup rightfully returned to Eu- volatile person who tends to stay away from month. Unifying the heavyweight division is 63ICSM Netball W3 10 0 19 42 -3333 -4 rope. Such exploits mean that McDowell will the media as he feels he is often misrepresent- Haye’s aim in the coming year and perhaps 64I ICSMCSM RRugbyugby MM22 1 0 0 1 1 100 86 -7 -766 - -44 be favourite for the award this year. ed. A strong fourth place fi nish in last years with it the Sports Personality title. Not to be outdone by his compatriot, Lee Sports Personality competition means that he Last year produced a shock winner in the Westwood is the current world number one, a could well be in contention for the title this form of Ryan Giggs, so this year John Terry pretty big achievement when you consider than year. could win Sports Personality with Fabio Ca- the previous incumbent of that title was a cer- Jessica Ennis didn’t compete in too many pello collecting the coach award. felix FRIDAY 26 NOVEMBer 2010 43 SPORT Cryptic Crossword 1,471 Immortals secure their 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8
9 10 maiden victory 11
George Barnes Jackson Xing, gave Millar the room to tinguished himself in particular when 12 rush for a 24 yard touchdown, his third Wolstenholme was intercepted and the 13 14 of the season. The ensuing 2-point con- offensive lineman rushed half the length Imperial Immortals 12 version failed giving the Immortals a of the fi eld to make a touchdown-saving 15 16 17 6-0 lead. tackle. Royal Holloway Bears 0 Not to be outdone the defence deliv- The offence moved the ball well, with ered a takeaway on the Bears next drive Karvelas denied a second touchdown After last weeks thrilling opening game as linebacker Artur Jarzabek forced a when his run was called back for a hold- 18 19 the Imperial Immortals knew that their fumble for defensive lineman Quirin ing penalty and despite further good run- fi rst win wasn’t far off and they duly de- Grossman to recover. The offence once ning from Alistair Boyce and a 12 yard livered the fi rst victory in team history more took to the fi eld but solid runs by reception by wide receiver Charles Ed- with a convincing win over the Royal Millar and quarterback Rob Wolsten- wards the Immortals were unable to add 20 21
Holloway Bears. It was a marked con- holme were wiped out by a false start to their score. The defence continued 22 23 trast to last season’s meeting when the and a holding penalty, forcing the Im- to make plays and were unlucky not to Bears left Imperial with a 28-0 win and mortals to punt. In a hurry to get the ball score themselves when Artur Jarzabek 24 25 shows how far the Immortals have come back, the defence took advantage of a intercepted a pass on the half-way line in a short space of time. fumbled hand-off by the Bears offence and ran the ball back to the 1. Safety Ar- Imperial had impressive away sup- and viper Charles Kennedy pounced to jav Trivedi also opened his interception port thanks to their cheerleading squad recover for Imperial. account with his fi rst pick of the season 26 27 making the journey to Egham and after With good fi eld position, the Immor- and Dexter Valencia added a sack late in an immaculately observed minutes si- tals handed the ball off to fullback Alex the game. lence in honour of Remembrance Sun- Karvelas and the veteran carried the ball A stirring fi rst win for the team sees Across Down day, the Immortals won the toss and de- 2 yards across the goalline for a career them move to a 1-1 record. In truth 1. Bear needing huge amount of stuff- 1. Finished most of Italian meal (4) cided to kick-off. This opening kick-off fi rst touchdown. The 2-point conversion the Immortals could have and perhaps ing? (10) 2. Dull poet turns up (4) set the tone for the game as the Bears failed and the Immortals now had a 12-0 should have won by more than a 12 6. Transport from Paddington, perhaps 3. Priest learns new way to sow seed (12) returner fumbled the ball and Immor- lead. point margin, but with the defence re- (4) 4. Feel good with hemp (5) tals viper Dexter Valencia recovered, The second half saw the Immortals cording it’s fi rst shut-out in club history, 9. As my mentor’s incapable, it’s a wise 5. Kinky pet lovers spent too long in bed giving the Immortals offence good take control of the game as both their the team is on the up. investment (5,5) (9) fi eld position inside the Bears half. A offensive and defensive lines began The Immortals carried on from their 10. Devonshire river race (4) 7. Unusual bead, a relic that can be false start and an early sack conceded to dominate the tiring Bears linemen, maiden victory, trained hard and re- 12. Vicar redeems queer soldiers (5,7) rooted out (10) stopped the offence capitalising, but thanks in no small part to Quirin Gross- corded their second victory within a 15. Cross line and hope to move foreign 8. He isolated nitrogen and he turned it the defence stepped up and forced the man and Zubin Jehangir. Jehangir burst week overcomming the London South lover (9) into oxygen (10) Bears to a three-and-out. through the Holloway offensive line to Bank Spartans 20-14 in overtime after 17. Refuse to tease (5) 11. This guy’s a bum doctor! (12) Having shaken off the earlier drive, sack the quarterback and force a fumble the fulltime score ended 14-14. This al- 18. Mathematician’s equal jeers oddly (5) 13. Suffer Wilde’s mistakes (10) the offence set to the task in hand and an which was narrowly recovered by the lowed the Immortals to move onto a 2-1 19. A swift one off the wrist from literary 14. Removing make-up? Shameless! (10) excellent drive led to a go-ahead score Bears and Grossman dominated the record putting them in a good position. type? (3-6) 16. I’m tortured with vile pus and rash (9) for running-back Tino Millar. Rookie line so thoroughly that Holloway went Further London derbies against Brunel 20. Hammered last nail into artwork (12) 21. Stealing businessman’s newspaper (5) half-back Alistair Boyce set the drive in so far as to change their starting centre. and Kings College are on the schedule 24. Catch Spike (4) 22. A scholar and a soldier – wise men? motion with an impressive 55 yard run Jackson Xing, who impressed in his for December and the Immortals will 25. We hear Constitution State’s moving (4) and a 20 yard reception by tight end Mi- debut against Surrey, led the offensive know that if they can cut out mistakes installation (7,3) 23. Chemical unit imprisoned by Great chael Peacock put the Immortals in the line brilliantly with able support from they stand a very good chance of main- 26. Work on old rowing machine (4) Omar (4) Bears half of the fi eld. Solid blocking by Marcus Shepherd, Frederico “Massa” taining their winning record into the 27. Red chamber in Socialist Hall (4,6) the offensive line, led by rookie centre Sanches and Peter Lipka. Lipka dis- new year. I,SCIENCEWant to know how you did last week? Go to the Puzzles section >> THE SCIENCE MAGAZINE OF IMPERIAL COLLEGE next issue out 10th december FIND I, SCIENCE AT ALL NORMAL FELIX DISTRIBUTION POINTS ISSUE 1475 26.11.10 SPORT Felix Sport sponsored by Eagles soar to stunning fi rst victory Stefan Bauer
The Imperial College Handball Club got their sea- son underway with a convincing victory over local rivals UCL last Saturday. Both teams have met previously and although the Eagles were victorious in every one of these encounters, be it on the court or in the pub, there was no room for complacency this time around, since the intelligence gathered on the opponents revealed that their team improved substantially IImmortalsmmortals beatbeat from last year. After the England Handball Association made some ridiculous decisions with regards to the re- structuring of the Development League South, BBearsears aandnd SpartansSpartans which left both teams involved in this game in a group with the 2nd teams of the British Champions Page 43 and another well established fi rst division squad, this game was likely to be the most evenly matched and interesting of the season and a good indicator as to how well Imperial was doing in comparison to other Universities. Both teams met for an unpleasantly early throw- Rugby: Third win for 1st XV off in Leyton, which bears one of the most poorly insulated sports halls in the UK in its picturesque centre. Despite the fact that the facility received the David Wilson against Reading last week. It is imperitive that Im- the midfi eld with his powerful and hard running. prestigious “Waltham Forest New Building of the Rugby Union perial remain unbeaten throughout the remainder of The team were encouraged by the words of coach Year Award” in 2004, it guarantees for questionable the season if they are to gain promotion over their Richard Birkett and injured captain Caolan Cotter conditions for an indoor sport during the winter and Imperial 26 - Portsmouth 22 closest rivals, last weeks victors, Reading. and went out into the second half determined to put autumn periods. The game started poorly for Imperial who went a decent performance and an impressive score on As the game started, UCL broke the deadlock The Imperial College 1st XV got their season back a try behind within the fi rst fi ve minutes however, the visitors. with their fi rst attack and managed to establish a on track yesterday seeing off a determined Ports- the team showed good spirit and determination, go- The team showed a good level of togetherness slim 2-goal advantage early in the game. However, mouth side at Harlington. The team knew that a win ing into half time ahead thanks to two tries from throughout the second half and despite going into ...Continued on Page 41 was imperitive following their disappointing loss Ben Adubi who is proving to be great addition to ...Continued on Page 40 TECHNOLOGY COMMENT FILM FOOD HANGMAN
The Galaxy Tab English footballers: Potter-mania erupts Chick peas never What? Why the f**k takes on the iPad: abject failures? as penultimate fi lm tasted so good: can’t I swear in Page 14 Page 21 is released: Page 30 Page 35 Felix? Page 36