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DISTRIBUTORS WHO CARRY KODT AND KENZERCO PRODUCT ACD Distribution. • Diamond Comic Distributors Inc. • Asmodee DON’T LET YOUR Sample file SUBSCRIPTION RUN OUT! RENEWAL IS ONE QUICK BROWSER CLICK AWAY WWW.KENZERCO.COM NOT A KODT SUBSCRIBER..? WE CAN FIX THAT — CLICK-CLICK, DUDE SUPPORT SMALL PUBLISHERS Sample file CONTENTS ISSUE 286: MY NEIGHBOR BEHOLDER REGULAR COLUMNS

Tales from the Table DEPARTMENTS 46 Actual tales from the gaming table

4 Cries from the Attic 58 Web Scryer Editorial of a madman by Ken Newquist Accessibility and Gaming

5 Table Talk: Letters Page GAMEMASTER’S WORKSHOP Our readers talk back

60 Back Room at the Games Pit 46 Denizens of Tellene An opinion arena where Ghattak, Commander Paravan by Barb Blackburn readers can sound off 50 All Things Magic 62 Weird Pete’s Bulletin Board The Fairy Box by Barb Blackburn Classified ads, personals 51 Bait & Tackle and other strangeness Adventure hooks on the fly 53 Deadly Trappings Jolt and Drop by Barb Blackburn

SPECIAL FEATURES REVIEWS

54 Lost Game Safari 31 by Alan Hume The Awful Green Things from Outer Space A Ranger’s Winter II A Solo Adventure 56 Indy Game Scene

by Mark Dowson by Egg Embry Deviant: The Renegades

59 Off the Shelf by Noah Chinn 39 Becoming a Writer, Staying a Writer About that Infamous Brian’s Picks “HarLOT” Subtable 61 by Lloyd Brown III Mansions of Madness Vol. 1: Behind Closed Doors, Zyborg Commando, The Sample Klingonfile Empire Core Rulebook

LEGAL NOTICE: Knights of the Dinner Table, HackMaster and Kingdoms of Kalamar are registered trademarks of Kenzer and Company, All Things Magic, Back Room at the Games Pit, Bait and Tackle, Board Squawk, Brian’s Small Press Picks, Celebrity Hack, Cries from the Attic, Deadly Trappings, Disks of Wondrous Power, GameMasters’ Workshop, Game Mechanic, Gamer Pulpit, GameVine, Gaming the Movies, Gary Jackson Files, Hacklopedia of Beasts, Hard Eight Enterprises, kenzerco.com, KODT, Lookin’ at Comics, Off the Shelf, One-Two Punches, Parting Shots, Players’ Advantage, Radio Free KODT, Retro-KODT, RFKODT, Rustlers of the Night, SpellJacked, Summon Web Scryer, Table Talk, Tales from the Table, The Gamer’s Rant on the Movies/TV. The Good, the Bad and the Ugly, The “Indy” Game Scene, the Kenzer and Company Logo, The Quotable Gamer, Weird Pete’s Bulletin Board, W.W.A.G.D. and all prominent characters and likenesses thereof are trademarks of Kenzer and Company. If you are actually reading this you may take 250 experience points for being observant.

2 Knights of the Dinner Table® #286 COMIC STRIPS KNIGHTS OF THE DINNER TABLE ® 8 Asking Price 10 Island Paradise 12 Long in the Tooth PUBLISHER Kenzer and Company EDITOR-IN-CHIEF 14 Lost in the Weeds Jolly R. Blackburn • [email protected] 16 Party Crashers ASSISTANT EDITOR Barbara Blackburn • [email protected] 19 Close to You KODT DEVELOPMENT TEAM 21 You Grab a Line and I’ll Grab a Pen Jolly R. Blackburn • David S. Kenzer Brian Jelke • Barbara Blackburn 24 The Rabble Nations KODT STRIP ART Jolly R. Blackburn 27 The Hand Off COVER ART Alex Zipse 30 Final Concession CONTRIBUTING ARTISTS 63 One-Two Punches Brendon Fraim • Brian Fraim Bill “Indy” Cavalier • Jolly Blackburn David Seymour • Paul Shiner

CONTRIBUTING WRITERS OTHER TOONS Kenneth Newquist • Barbara Blackburn Jolly R. Blackburn • Egg Embry Alan Hume • Mark Dowson 64 Additional Cartoons Lloyd Brown III • Noah Chinn Bill “Indy” Cavalier, David Seymour, Paul Shiner SALES/MARKETING/ADVERTISING Barbara Blackburn • [email protected] 847 508-2317 SUBSCRIPTION SERVICES [email protected] CHARMED PERSONS Kevin Vance • Jack Grayson • Craig Zipse PRINTED IN U.S.A. Postmaster: Send address changes to: ABOUT Knights of the Dinner Table THE COVER 808 Endicott Rd., Highwood, IL 60040 We absolutely fell in love E-Mail: [email protected] • Phone: 847 508-2317 with the cover by Alex Zipse World Wide Web: www.kenzerco.com the moment we saw it. Submissions: We accept submissions for strip ideas, jokes, cartoons, etc. We are interested in running anything that other gamers and fans We hope to see more from would enjoy. Check out our website for writer’s guidelines. her in the future. Subscriptions: A standard 12-issue monthly subscription is only $77.99 (or $65.99 for slower bulk mail shipping). [US $92.99 for Canada or US $117.99 for other foreign locations.] 6- and 24-issue subscriptions are also available. SampleTo subscribe, order by creditfile card at our online store at HTTP://WWW.KENZERCO.COM or send a check or money order (made NIGHTS OF THE DINNER TABLE™ was accidentally created by Jolly R. Blackburn payable to Kenzer and Company) to: Kway back in 1990 as ‘filler’ for his small press magazine, Shadis. It was Kenzer & Company KODT Subscriptions, something of a ‘creative burp’ and Jolly really didn’t give it much thought. 808 Endicott Rd., Highwood, IL 60040 Perhaps that’s why he was just as surprised as anyone that soon KODT was overshadowing everything else he’d ever done and that the created was now Back Issues: Older issues and other KODT merchandise are avail- controlling the creator. The Knights have gone far beyond anything Jolly or the D-Team (David able for direct purchase on our website at HTTP://WWW.KENZERCO.COM Kenzer, Brian Jelke, Steve Johansson and Barbara Blackburn) ever imagined. In 2006, Jolly was ATTENTION RETAILERS: If you are having difficulty getting our inducted into the Hall of Fame. Now, with over 286 issues and over 90 trade paper backs under product (including back issues and RPGs) please call or e-mail us. their belts, it’s been a wild ride and we look forward to seeing where the Knights take us next.

Knights of the Dinner Table® #286 3 CHARACTERS BEHAVING BADLY t’s probably obvious, but I love going through reader mail month to month and Because a few issues ago it was revealed she failed to have her kitten “fixed” and Iissue to issue. For me, it’s one of the best ways to gauge how we’re doing. Atta a kennel refused to take the animal in while she attended, Garycon. (The fact is she boy letters are always nice, sure. But it’s often the angry letters or complaints just hadn’t taken care of the matter in a timely — not that she wasn’t planning on that are the most informative. If someone has taken the time to voice an opinion, I doing so). want to read it. Again, it’s okay. Such complaints don’t bother me. Especially since various charac- 20 years ago there were a lot of complaints about the on-going story arcs. Some ters behaving badly are not meant to encourage those very same behaviors. Far from readers wanted the 2 to 3 page stand alone strips (wham, bam, punchline) that it. It simply shows they are human (albeit fictional characters) and flawed. But some harkened back to the comic’s original format. Now it seems most readers are happy complaints, like the one above, do surprise me. Sometimes, I dont’ see it coming. with the on-going stories with an occasional stand alone offering here and there. On the flip side, when I first did a panel over twenty years ago of Johnny Kizinski By far, when it comes to complaints, it’s characters who are behaving badly who blowing smoke in his infant’s face (and flicking cigarette ash on his head), I was sure seem to generate the most feedback. They seem to trickle over the months, occasion- I’d hear about it. There wasn’t much of a response as all as it turned out (not even ally spiking as a result of a particular incident in the strips. when Johnny left the kid hanging on the back of a bathroom stall door). Brian’s penchant of being miserly for example and ‘screwing’ his friends. Charging In issue 285 a player stood up and left an event, without saying a word, when he a buck for a blank character sheet (the price has gone up over thirty years, which all realized the GM was a perceived ‘nobody’. Putting my shocked face on here. I did NOT sorts of justification such as printer ink costs, etc). Readers who despise Brian for both expect those panels to push a button with so many readers. this and his rules-lawyer annoyances are among the most common when it comes to A lot of people wrote in to comment on how rude it was. “If I saw a player do that email and venting. at an event? Well, I’d yadda yadda and such-and-such”. Another complaint, when it comes to bad character behavior has to do with Sara Gotta tell ya, that one surprised me as well. Anyway, just some random thoughts. occasionally grabbing Dave’s shirt by the collar and “roughing” him up with implied threats of violence (when she feels he’s crossed the line. one angry reader even post- Hope you enjoy this issue. As I write this, we are already turning our attention to ed on our forums that he would have “broken” Sara’s jaw if she dared to that to him). not just one but TWO upcoming conventions. First up is Phoenixcon in Neenah, Wisconsin (hosted by our friends at Studio 6D6). And then, a few weeks later we’re off And then there’s Squirrely. Numerous readers have taken the time to shoot off an to Gencon. Not virtual cons, mind you. But the real face-to-face pre-pandemic sort. email or pen a letter to admonish Pete for letting the chimp smoke (the fact the Squire occasionally drinks beer and drives a vehicle is rarely mentioned). That said, Covid seems to be surging again, like an angry dragon so we are watch- ing things closely. But I hope to see some of you there. And of course there is Gary Jackson. One reader despises Gary’s behavior so much that he has made it known that he turns the page if Gary even appears in a panel Game on! And may all your hits be crits! (some sad news for this reader — there’s at least 7 or 8 pages this issue with Gary on them. sorry). I’m okay with that. Gary isn’t meant to be a saint by any means. Now it seems numerous readers are upset with, Patty. Patty? Why? Jolly R Blackburn August 5th, 2021

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20 Years Ago This Month: August 2001: KODT 58. — Heidi Jackson takes over Hard Eight after Gary’s, “death” and immediately downsizes — Jolly 4 Knights of the Dinner Table® #286 Holy F$$#@!! The kid who just stood up I was really touched by the guys getting and left the table when he found out who together and throwing $400 to Bob who was was running that game. That was cold as struggling cash wise, that was pretty moving hell. Is that a real thing? Do people actually to be honest (and Patties' solution to getting do that? the money to Bob without upsetting him EDITOR’S NOTE: The mail just never I felt so bad for Tuley. That little $#@@. I was pure genius). seems to stop. While we make every wanted to slap him right off the panel. lol Another great issue, and the big 300 is effort to read each and every letter, now definitely in sight, here's to many more it is not always possible to give a His game does sound interesting. A 50’s personal reply. Even if your letter doesn’t hap- era version of Hacknoia? Sign me up. All the best Then, Gary Jackson, in what can only be Alan Hume pen to be published or if you don’t get a direct Scotland 7 response, rest assured you are being heard. described as an act of vandalism, marks up Remember, KODT is an interactive Pete’s vintage Players Handbook with some magazine. We want you, the reader, to be sort of curse. Okay, that was funny. I have to involved. So keep your suggestions, thoughts ask. Based on a true story? and opinions (constructive and otherwise) I was shocked to see the Dragon Lady’s coming. Opinions expressed by readers are not name dropped. Been a while since she’s necessarily shared by the editor or Kenzer and been mentioned in the comic. That’s some Company. Please be aware that due to space shady foreboding. Wondering what’s brew- considerations, some letters have been edited ing. Fun issue. RE: SUZANNE’S LETTER 285 and/or trimmed. — Jolly Looking forward to 286. Ben Shepard 7 I really enjoyed, Knights 285. The reason 285: COLD AS HELL!! Thanks, Ben. Glad you enjoyed it. Gary sign- I’m writing is that I greatly enjoyed I was at my local Weird Pete when ish 285 ing Pete’s book in the fashion he did, was Suzanne’s letter on the Letter’s Page (which hit thier front counter. They were still unbox- inspired by real life events. Too long to relay commented on Lloyd pushing back when ing them when I grabbed my pull copy. here. Perhaps the subject of a future editorial. Brian implied Sheila was Bob’s property). Read it on my lunch break and then again ;) — Jolly Suzanne went on to comment on the way when I got home before handing it off to my many of the male characters use “girls” to wife. RE: 284 insult their players. Like Nitro saying, “Look Damn it’s good to see gamers going to a Hi Guys! I just got my copy of 284 and I girls. It’s time to stop chattering and getting conventionSample again. Even if it’s a fictional con- loved it. The gang back on the road to down to business.”file vention. The issue did not disappoint. GaryCon for the first time in years, tremen- Yes it’s realistic and is exactly how many Two things stood out to me this issue. dous (and Lloyd's first at that). gamers talk but it was so very nice to see someone object to it.

HOW TO CONTACT US ^: Via ONLINE FORUM — Just pop over to www.kenzerco.com and visit our discussion forums 7: via E-MAIL — Send your strip ideas, reader mail, back room fodder and questions to [email protected] . via SNAIL MAIL — Or write to us at KODT c/o KenzerCo 309 S Dilger Ave, Waukegan, IL 60085 z: via TWITTER — kenzerco or jollybgood FB: via Facebook — Kenzerco OR Jolly Blackburn

Knights of the Dinner Table® #286 5 The reason, I’m writing (and I’ve never been com- pelled to write you before) is that I was very much looking forward to your reply, and I was happy to see that you were about to. There was only problem. After one broken sentence the words, “FINISH REPLY — Jolly” appear. I actually laughed out loud at that. Clearly a goof. But you are not off the hook. Any chance The Empty Chair you could reply in an Eulogy for a Gamer upcoming issue. I’ve been reading There is an empty chair, Knights of the Dinner Back in 1981, we were all poor college stu- Table for almost 30 years and it’s amazing at the table this day. dents and the AD&D books, of course were how it’s been so entwined with gaming and A hallowed place where, hanging out with my friends. KODT is the very expensive. People constantly asking to a friend once played. water cooler conversation we tend to have borrow my books was always an annoying The roll of his dice, before, during and after our weekly games. problem. “Hey did you that strip where Bob gets my ears long to hear. knocked out by a turnip?” Then I got the bright idea to put little book Or perhaps it would suffice, Thanks for everything you and the D-Team plates on my books that read, “If you have do. Game on! borrowed this book from Dale Barnes and if he should suddenly appear. Wesely W. 7 have not returned it, a curse on you. -2 to all With character sheet in hand, DOH! Don’t you hate when that happens? your die rolls until it has been returned” and a bag of Looks like I was bitten by Deadline Rabbit, It didn’t work of course (someone bor- Cheeze-doodles to share. Wes. I had indeed meant to circle around and rowed my Unearthed Arcana and to this write up my reply — and was totally side All his friends would stand, tracked. Well... day it is still MIA) but it gave a lot of people as he sat in the empty chair. a chuckle when they saw it. I know what my subject will be for a future I hear his voice a-callin’, issue of KODT, I guess. ;) — Jolly By the way, could you run the Empty and it ties my heart in a knot. Chair for Brian Fitzpatrick who tragically RE: KODT 285 For he cries, passed away on July 24th? Great issue, guys. I really enjoy the retro Dale Barnes 7 “Though a comrade has fallen, comic cover tributes. Part of the fun for me You must play for those who cannot.” has been trying to figure out which Marvel or EMPTY CHAIR REQUEST. DC comics are being parodied. Not always We conquered worlds on the run, easy. Could you run the Empty Chair for Brian he and I in the name of fun. Have you ever considered doing parodies Fitzpatrick (of Moebius Adventures)? And as others may come and go, of some of the old daily newspaper syndicat- Brian was greatly loved and will be sorely ed strips? Beetle Bailey, Peanuts, etc? I make both friend and foe. Samplemissed. News of his unexpected death has file Or... (wait for it) the Fabulous Furry rocked our community. But what I long for most, Freak Brothers? I know you once men- is our past now long a ghost. tioned they were an inspiration. Thanks. Hey there was a panel in this issue that MTR 7 Brian Fitzpatrick absolutely made me spray coke out my nose. Condolences, Mark. I didn’t know Brian per- Gary Jackson being a real dick and writing Moebius Adventures “-5 to all rolls” in a HackMaster book. I sonally but knew him to be a kind and well July 24th 2021 laughed because it hit very close to home. loved person. — Jolly q 6 Knights of the Dinner Table® #286