ISSUE 1663 ... the divestment eurovissue FRIDAY 12 MAY 2017

THE STUDENT NEWSPAPER OF IMPERIAL COLLEGE LONDON

elix Divestment f campaign hits Imperial PAGE 5 News

The case for divestment

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Angels in America

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PAGE 34 Millennials 2 felixonline.co.uk [email protected] Friday 12 May 2017 3 felixonline.co.uk [email protected] Friday 12 May 2017 felix EDITORIAL felix EDITORIAL NEWS felix Divest this Letters to the editor

s Imperial morally bankrupt? I first asked myself The struggle to divest lies at the border between the In response to Are millennials too entitled or do In response to us being this question in 2011 when I started my Biology dark and the light sides of science. We know fossil fuel undergraduate. My department had just sacked use is unsustainable. Every step of the production line we just desreve better? which appeared in issue great, apparently most, if not all of its plant scientists. There was no in the fossil fuel industry ravages the environment and money in the field. Have I come close to an answer detriments our health. Yet our civilization relies on it 1662 since? Maybe. Sometimes I’ve looked at Imperial still. Iand higher education in the UK in general and I’ve I understand the energy crisis humanity is facing at felt disgusted by it. The way research is determined by the moment is a challenging one. But unfortunately it’s Dear Lef, themselves are unlikely to be entitled, Dear felix, corporate giants, whether that’s Big Oil or Pharma, or one we have to overcome, there is no alternative. We with little hope of owning their own whether it’s weapons, or it’s banks. The way academics change or we go down with the ship. She’s ok isn’t I enjoyed Tessa’s article on millennials property unless their parents happen to I just wanted to say that I really love some are pressured to publish, to bring in the money, to And here is where it gets complicated. As much as she? and entitlement in the May 5 edition. As be rich, who therefore suffer a transfer of of the articles you guys put together, ignore things that in any other workplace would be I might badmouth it (and I do a lot), I don’t believe a lecturer who was an undergraduate wealth from themselves to older wealthier especially the Editor's note on the 2nd Aww! uncompromisable. The way students are seen as cash Imperial to be morally bankrupt. But I do think that as Seriously tho at Imperial in the early 90s I’ve seen the landlords enjoying rising property values page. I love how you guys are so truthful cows, cheap labour, endless in supply, desperate. a science institution we get trapped in the numbers and you look so issue from both sides I guess. Teaching and cheap mortgages. Millennials will about your feelings and opinions. I wish Actually Other times I look around me and I can’t help but facts and logistics and practicalities and complexities young, how always seemed low on the priority list in retire at an older age than people like me I could express myself as freely and elo- chocked up be in awe. Of the people I’m surrounded by; some of the situation. And maybe it’s time to take a step do you do it? my days in EE yet when the teaching was and will inherit from their predecessors quently. I don't know how many student of my generation’s brightest minds. Of the ideas that back from the science and think about the ethics of our good it was brilliant. Eric Yeatman, Chris the uncertainties of climate change, the readers actually write to felix and con- Literally zero are constantly being exchanged, lighting up the eyes actions, our investments. Just rubbing Toumazou and others I’m looking at you. resulting refugee disaster, the decision to gratulate for your hard work. I just hope lol *cries* of students and staff. Of the tenacity with which some It’s time to make a decision based on our heart and it in now leave Europe and a volatile geopolitical that this email will serve as a tiny encour- people can hunt for ideals, knowledge, dreams. invest in our dreams instead. But what about the wider question of scene. Dear fee-paying student, the least agement! Sadly, I am graduating soon You’re the whether today’s young people are enti- I can do in return is give you decent feed- and won't be getting felix free copies any- Just when we bomb dot tled or obliged? Back in my day, the gov back on your coursework. more, but I hope that you guys, and I am found a fan! com Gareth. paid for my first degree and there was confident you will, continue to write more Editor-in-Chief | Lef Apostolakis || Deputy Editor | Mattin Mir-Tahmasebi || News Editor | Matt Johnston, Joanna Wormald || Comment Thanks for even some drinking money left over in my Gareth Mitchell and entertain or educate students here! :) THE Editors | Vivien Hadlow, Tessa Davey || Culture Ringmaster | Fred Fyles || Culture Editors | Indira Mallik, Meryl Anil, Anurag Deshpande, finding time grant cheque. Contrast that with today’s Theo Farah, Simran Kukran, Cale Tilford || Puzzles Editor | Hamish Beck || Clubs & Societies Editor | Abigail de Bruin || Science Editor | to write to us tuition fees, with a generation expected Lecturer MSc Science Communication From Chloe Lee Lizzie Riach, Ipsita Herlekar || Millennials Queen | Tessa Davey || Millennials Editors | Saad Ahmed, Sanjay Battacharaya || Sports Editor TEAM and find us jobs <3 to top up national pensions to which they and Science Media Production | Sam Smith || Illustrator | Nathan Macabuag || Copy Chief | Mattin Mir-Tahmasebi || Copy Editors | Alex Adler || Cover | Alex Clark | Centrefold | Lef Apostolakis

Address | felix, Beit Quad, Prince Consort Road, London, SW7 2BB || Telephone | 02075948072 || Printed by | Mortons Media Group Ltd Media Centre, Morton Way, Horncastle, Lincolnshire, LN9 6JR || Registered Newspaper | ISSN 1040-0711 || Copyright Union reels in £34,000 from Bioengineering lecturer accidentally © felix 2016 Postgrad Graduation Day shares exam paper with students

ast week a lecturer teaching arsenal for years the email. emember last you think it’s worth it, to watch accidentally shared now allowing staff to record The Panopto recording of the week’s postgrad Boyce Avenue at the Royal an upcoming exam live lectures, special events, revision session will be made graduation day? It Albert Hall in November, book- paper with their first- tutorials and more. available again shortly. In made the Union of ing a ticket now wouldn’t cost year bioengineering When students got back response to enquiries Martyn ton of dough. The you less than £30. And these students. home, they found out that the Boutelle, Director of Courses largest graduation are just the essentials. LThe unfortunate gaffe entire exam they’d be taking for Bioengineering said that “a Rceremony to date which saw We’re not even going to talk occurred during a revision the following week was online. replacement exam paper was a record of 9,400 guests about pictures, wax figurines lecture for Molecules, Cells “Yeah naturally we realised fairly straightforward to write attend, brought Union shops and engraved rings. and Processes. pretty quickly what her mistake as we did not need to devise and outlets a total of £34,715. From ticket sales to the grad- During the lecture, a student was,” said a student that new problem-based questions That’s about 13 grand more uates’ family and friends, had a question that was not prefers to remain anonymous. that need a lot of testing. The than last year and eight grand College is estimated to have covered in the section of the Following the realisation questions were then reviewed more than the record year of made about £328,000. revision session. of the mistake by the internally and by an External 2015. When asked about profits In order to locate the Bioengineering department, Examiner, following our Postgrad Graduation Day a College spokesperson said relevant material, the lecturer the Panopto recording of the normal procedures. The whole saw over 3,284 graduates that Imperial “endeavours to opened up the exam on the revision session was taken process followed in response receiving their diplomas. That keep the cost of Graduation desktop after having taken down and an email was sent to this issue was also approved means that proud families day as low as possible and out the HDMI connecting the out apologising for the fuck- by an External Examiner.” spent a tenner on average on we do not charge students computer to the projector. up. Boutelle added that on their graduates. That’s on top for their attendance [Aw how Unfortunately the lecture “Several students had Wednesday’s revision class of the £51-58 that gown hire sweet]. The income received was recorded via Panopto, viewed the recording by the “all seemed well” and that costs and a hat purchase (you from guest tickets only covers a College ICT service that time we found out, and so the students seemed satisfied can’t hire them) which will set part of the cost to the College allows the recording of a paper and its questions can following their exam on you back another £30. Proud – no surplus funds whatsoever computer screen as well as therefore not be used as this Thursday. parents are another extra that are received from Graduation. visual and audio content. The year’s exam and so another will cost you £35 a pop. If I guess thanks are in order. system has been part of IC’s paper will be written,” read 4 felixonline.co.uk/news [email protected] Friday 12 May 2017 Friday 12 May 2017 [email protected] felixonline.co.uk/news 5 felix NEWS NEWS felix Palestinian Ambassador gives talk Imperial Divestment Campaign resurrected

Lef Apostolakis Or is this the final nail in its coffin? Matt Johnston In response to the Israeli Ambassador’s visit

mperial College was process and the resolutions \\ Wraith is he divestment fact, the mural fell victim to people for, say clean energy host last week to that they have passed, to campaigners at the unpredictably wet summer rather than oil and gas,” says Manuel Hassassian, the criticisms of the United States’ confident that these Imperial are on weather and was washed Cook. Palestinian Authority’s handling of their role as the talks are a testament the move again. away halfway through the In fact divesting from fossil diplomatic representative “broker of peace”. This week saw festival. fuels while continuing to to the UK, following to a change in the them taking to Campaigners think Imperial’s funnel so much talent into the Ireactions to a talk with the Hassassian also touched culture of political Tcampus with various events investments don’t reflect its industry would be hollow at Israeli ambassador Mark on President Trump’s meeting and actions. On Wednesday aims as an institution, namely best if not outright hypocrisy. Regev back in January (Dr. earlier last week with apathy Imperial has students dropped a banner the use of science to solve But soon it might be the only Hassassian does not have the Palestinian Authority President been known for \\ off the main union building in global challenges. “The fossil option if we want to remain rank of ambassador as the UK Mahmoud Abbas, referring to NO PHOTOGRAPHY Beit Quad. The banner which fuel industry’s continued cutting edge and market does not presently recognize it as merely “lip service”, and wrote out in large black and exploration is incompatible our employability. In Europe Palestine as a sovereign state). questioned if Trump even knew to a change in the culture of orange letters “IMPERIAL with our future and undermines coal is rapidly being phased The talk was well attended by “the difference between a two- ALLOWED FOR SOME political apathy Imperial has DIVEST NOW!” was taken the research done here on out, with companies such as members of the student body state and one-state solution”. been known for: ”I don’t think down within hours. The Union low carbon technologies and Drax Group Plc, Steag GmbH and provoked discussion on He further accused Trump’s scientists have the option of has come out in support of climate change,” says Naomi to Uniper SE closing and both sides of the conflict. delegation of being biased DUMB REASON being apolitical now, if they student-led campaigns but Pratt, one of the campaigners. converting generators all over The talk was hosted by Dr against Palestine and called ever did. And judging by the it remains unclear whether Though both actions were the continent. In the US too, Matthew Wraith, who was them partisan (referring to the rate at which this event sold out, Union Staff were involved in quickly suppressed and it’s solar alone currently employs pleased that his call to action US Special Representative for I don’t think anyone wants to the taking down of the banner unclear how many students more people than coal, oil at the end of the event with International Negotiations, be”. This event takes place just On Thursday, a chalk mural noticed them, those who and gas combined, despite the Israeli ambassador for Jason Greenblatt, and Trump’s weeks after 10,000 scientists sprang up on the paved floor did felt divestment was an Trump’s apparent love for the the other side of the debate son-in-law, Jared Kushner). and allies participated in the in front of Queen’s Tower. important issue to discuss. “I’m black stuff. to be showcased had been The ambassador London ‘March for Science’. Again, security acted fast fairly on board with it”, said In the US alone 22GW worth Statoil (£1.05 million) as well How long will it make sense answered. Unlike the Israeli also chastised Trump’s Trump’s recent attack on and put a halt to the protest, Laurence Copson, a Climate of green energy capacity as companies which provide for Imperial to keep pushing its ambassador’s talk which inflammatory comments end the conflict. “[Palestine The event was realised thanks climate change and science but not before the realisation Change, Management or an equivalent of eleven technological services to Big students into a field that might was shrouded in secrecy, in which he reduced the and Israel today are] stuck to efforts by Farri Gaba, an in general, as well as the of a large four by two metre and Finance student who large hydroelectric dams Oil such as Emerson (£0.63 not exist for much longer? Hassassian’s visit was complexity of the situation. between the historically aeronautics undergraduate, potential fallout that Brexit wide drawing. In response, happened to be at the Union were added to the energy million), Mitsubishi (£0.88 “We recognise that fossil advertised well in advance. Last week the US President inevitable and the politically who was pleased to see might cause to research security personnel tried taking with his cohort during the infrastructure. million), Petrofac (£0.75 fuels contribute to greenhouse The format of the event was referred to the Israel/Palestine impossible,” Hassassian said, students from a range of funding, have highlighted the down participants’ College ID banner drop. “I’d just do it from So does that mean Imperial’s million) and Schlumberger gas emissions and we work essentially the same to Regev’s conflict as “something that and later added his doubts backgrounds participating relevance of politics to the numbers. When asked what a financial perspective. I’d just money-making instincts might (£0.92 million). These funds to mitigate their impact while visit, with Hassassian giving a I think is, frankly, maybe not about the prospect of a two- in the conversation. “I took scientific community. “Already the problem was one member make an economic argument lead it to divest from Big Oil? are insignificant in comparison seeking viable alternative half hour opening talk before as difficult as people have state solution. inspiration from the previous I’ve got yet more emails from of security said it had nothing for why you’d choose energy James Kennedy, another to the human capital Imperial sources of energy,” said an initiating a discussion and thought over the years”. Following Hassassian’s Israeli ambassador’s talk students, just like Farri last to do with the content but efficiency and alternative Climate Change student, annually invests in the oil and Imperial spokesperson in taking questions from the floor. Hassassian pointed out that opening speech, the questions about the Palestinian-Israeli time” added Wraith, ”saying rather the fact that someone energy over oil and gas”. doesn’t seem convinced. gas industry. response to the campaign. In his opening monologue, the situation wasn’t quite like section produced heated and conflict to invite his direct ‘why don’t we do another would have to be called in to For the first time in 2015, “When you think about Every year Imperial sends “We steward our endowment Hassassian spoke about the “buying real estate in Las emotional discussion from counterpart to discuss the same event on India-Pakistan in wash the mural away. green energy accounted Imperial and how much money over 800 students into oil gifts carefully and believe c u r r e n t s t a t e o f t h e c o n fl i c t , h o w Vegas”. the audience and Hassassian conflict from the opposing Kashmir? Why don’t we get Ironically, in 2014 Imperial for more than half of new the chemical engineering and gas or mining. But what that we can have the greatest he felt that there was currently Trump didn’t take home the alike, and the topics of view” says Gaba. “I did this other ambassadors along?’ asked students to create a electricity capacity with the department for example must if it didn’t? “That would be a impact on climate change by award of Hassassian’s “Most the Palestinian Authority to offer interested students a There are plans underway. massive chalk mural along IEA predicting a 42% growth take from big oil companies far greater statement – if they optimising these resources Failed President in US History” Martyrs Fund, the UN, and breadth of perspective and Watch this space.” Imperial College Road for of renewable energy capacity and how that provides huge were going to say OK we’re to invest in research and \\ Unlike the Israeli though, that honour was the effectiveness of the understanding.” Gaba himself has plans to Imperial Festival. Content or by 2021. Then, last year, funds for research at our going to change the focus of education.” Ambassador’s awarded to Barack Obama, PLO (Palestinian Liberation Dr Wraith, the chair of both make this a regular occurrence removal didn’t seem to be a green energy development university, this is probably the majority of our courses so Probably indefinitely. who the ambassador felt had Organisation) were discussed events, was similarly pleased on campus: “I hope to keep this major concern at the time. In overtook the fossil fuel sector. going to be difficult.” that now we’re trying to train talk which was accomplished next to nothing amongst other things. with outcome of the talk: momentum in student interest “It’s going to be the last nut shrouded in secrecy, in the conflict. “This time there was a very and appetite going into next to crack in term of universities. Despite criticisms, good turnout of critical voices year, with similar high profile It’s got to be the most oil-and- Hassassian’s visit Hassassian seemed to be \\ Trump didn’t take from the audience which I guests. I hope to extend the gas-focused university in the was advertised well a firm believer that peace welcomed. I contacted the scope of the topics discussed country” says Charlie Cook, negotiations via international home the award of Israeli Society and the Jewish to different areas of global another member of the cohort. in advance \\ bodies (UN, US Government Hassassian’s “Most society beforehand, just as politics and economics... Would divesting even matter etc.) were the only way I contacted the Palestinian Europe, America and the though? According to a 2016 forward and that “Palestinians Failed President in society last time, saying ‘come Asia-Pacific. I will hopefully Freedom of Information “no light at the end of the cannot liberate Palestine by US History” though, along, get involved, confront be doing this from within a request Imperial has £220 tunnel”, and how negotiations firearms”. This faith in external him with what you think club soon to be established as million in its endowment fund. were essentially non existent. mediation was contrasted that honour was and what you know’. They ‘The Speakers Club’”. Watch This includes shares in oil giants His talk covered everything by his frustration towards awarded to Barack responded and got involved.” this space indeed. such as Exxon (£0.52 million), from the involvement of the international bodies which he Wraith is confident that Cairn Energy (£0.1 million), United Nations in the peace feels have done very little to Obama \\ these talks are a testament Shell (£0.86 million) and TheThe felixfelix GeneralGeneral ElectionElection SurveySurvey 20172017

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Friday 12 May 2017 [email protected] felixonline.co.uk/comment 7 FREEZE PEACH COMMENT felix Rhidian Thomas and Max Moynan discuss the things that the oil companies What is so bad don't want us to know about fossil \\ All parties seem to be able to agree on one thing: fuel companies, they’d much rather we didn’t look too closely at their anyway? murky past \\

ivest Imperial \\ The company with pits of human heads. Schlumberger had employed company is the second largest are calling As if that weren’t enough, staff working in the US and oil company in America behind on College focusses soley ExxonMobil’s story has other US citizens to work on ExxonMobil, and in recent to remove its on itself and another dark chapter. Recent contracts in Sudan and Iran, years has been involved in a i n v e s t m e n t s investigations have revealed something not allowed by US bitter environmental dispute from fossil fuel profits ahead of that Exxon scientists were law. To prevent authorities in Ecuador, at one point Dcompanies, but what exactly environmental or among the first to realise uncovering this, the countries lobbying the US government is so bad about fossil fuel the implications of rising were referred to as “Southern to impose trade restrictions on companies, anyway? Most criminal issues \\ carbon dioxide levels, with Egypt” (Sudan) and the the country so that the lawsuit attention is given to their impact some reports suggesting that “Northern Gulf” (Iran). This would be dropped. The case on the climate through their their research indicated a was eventually uncovered began in 1993 and continues carbon emissions, but fossil The money, just like the oil, warming planet as early as and the company were dealt to this day, overshadowing fuel companies often make was flowing straight out of the 1950s. To their credit, a $233 million criminal fine, other controversies including headlines (or conspicuously Nigeria. In response to the the scientists insisted on the the largest in US history for an oil spill in 2011 off the don’t) for altogether more Ogoni peoples’ protests, Shell publication of their findings sanctions violations. The coast of Brazil in which over sinister reasons. Many have a were ruthless, hiring members and Exxon acquiesced; by company had been dealt a 400,000 litres were spilt, and track record of human rights of the Nigerian military as a the mid-80s however, with light blow in comparison to an oil rig explosion in 2012 abuses and environmental private defence force. Raids the oil price falling, Exxon’s the size of the company, and in which two workers were lapses that would embarrass on villages in the area saw management performed a on receipt of the fine its shares killed. even the most hardened residents tortured, raped, and breathtaking U-turn. Over the Hypocritically, the company dictator. executed in brutal fashion, next decades, Exxon became then launched a ‘Real Issues’ Take, for example, Royal in an effort to discourage one of the most prolific campaign designed to aid Dutch Shell (better known res is t anc e to S hell’s ex pans ion. funders of climate-sceptics, discussion of the important simply as Shell). For many All the while, Shell continued in a desperate attempt to issues in the energy industry. years, Shell has conducted to employ the military, and as undermine the research of their They did this through a ‘Will drilling operations in the recently as 2010 was found own scientists. Had it not been you join us?’ forum – a clear Niger River delta region in to have paid an armed militia for their intellectual dishonesty attempt at greenwashing, Nigeria. Since around 15BC, $159,000 to protect its oil and anti-scientific cowardice, as their CEO recently stated the Ogoni people have lived infrastructure. who knows how much closer that he doesn’t agree with and worked on this land; Unfortunately, Shell’s we’d be to addressing climate rose 2%. the policies intended to be the arrival of Shell in the record is far from unusual in change. Schlumberger still implemented by the Paris 1950s, however, turned the the sector. ExxonMobil, until Imperial also has investments operates today in some of Climate Accord. Presumably old order upside down. Their recently under the leadership in a company which employs the most challenging areas the company wants to retain a predominantly agricultural of US Secretary of State over 100,000 people, has such as Burma, Libya and high level of output of oil and lifestyle became ever harder Rex Tillerson, offers another revenue of around $50 Turkmenistan. Simultaneously gas into the future as the world to maintain in the face of depressingly similar example. billion each year and is worth being self-aware of the issues, attempts to turn to renewables. oil spills totalling millions of The parallels are uncanny; more than McDonalds. It a recent company memo Collectively, shares in barrels (or approximately substitute Ogoniland in has consistently kept a low claimed that corruption in Shell, ExxonMobil and 40% of all of Shell’s oil spills Nigeria for Aceh in Indonesia, profile, due to it not owning Turkmenistan is not as bad as Schlumberger comprise between 1976 and 1991). and the story is pretty much any oilfields, excluding it from in Kazakhstan or Azerbaijan – nearly half of Imperial’s Understandably, residents unchanged. Members of the the Guardians divestment not exactly reassuring. Clearly total fossil fuel investments, began to question why Shell Indonesian military acting on list, from the ‘Keep it in the the company focusses solely while Imperial’s chummy were being allowed to conduct behalf of Mobil (pre-merger) ground’ campaign. Yet this on itself and profits ahead relationship with Chevron is operations in the area. After are alleged to have committed company works with every of environmental or criminal embodied in our very own all, 85% of Nigeria’s oil abuses of nightmarish sadism: major oil company to extract issues. President. All parties seem to wealth has benefited the top shooting protesters in their the oil from the ground. The Alternatively, one may be able to agree on one thing: 1% of the population, with kneecaps, administering company is Schlumberger and look at our own President’s they’d much rather we didn’t 70% of the country living electric shocks to their genitals, is far from a moral one. appointment to the board look too closely at their murky on less than a dollar a day. and even threatening them In 2015 it was found that of directors of Chevron. The past. For more comment visit felixonline.co.uk/comment

8 felixonline.co. uk /comment [email protected] Friday 12 May 2017 Friday 12 May 2017 [email protected] felixonline.co.uk/comment 9

BLAH!!! blah

BLAH...blah? Blah. Blah.Blah.Blah blah..! blah? blah blah blah blah BLAH? COMMENT blah

Blah!? FREEZE PEACH BLAH! ...blah Blah.blah blahblah- COMMENT felix ...BLAH! blah! felix Conor O’Riordan wants to harness the Sarah Barfield Marks makes a case power of student activism for talking about why we should be Divestment has The case for divesting worked before, \\ In the past, divestment has achieved meaningful divestment \\ Imperial College has political change and is a £5.4 million out of a £126 and will work testament to the strength of at Imperial million endowment fund student activism here in the directly invested in the fossil again UK \\ indus t r y \\

s the threat This rapid mobilisation of stu- divest from specific projects in student activism here in the UK. armaments firms. At King’s Col- ere at Imperial, \\ We want to stop will be doing anything other of climate dents to call for divestment South Africa which had been While the current divest- lege, the university idled on its any mention than being burnt. The college c h a n g e would be very familiar to stu- repeatedly targeted by cam- ment movement has serious previous commitments to divest of divestment the conversation further states that it “aims… to continues to dents of previous generations. paigners in the UK and the U.S. momentum at present, campus until a small group of students from fossil fuels from being shut address science challenges of loom large In the 1970s and ‘80s, the When Barclays eventually campaigns in the UK face sig- rapidly amplified pressure on is largely met today and the future”. Fossil over society, UK’s campuses were awash sold their South African divi- nificant challenges. Most of our the university earlier this year. with one of down and address fuel companies are known Aactivists are turning to more with protests against the apart- sion in 1986, its chairman universities not only hold invest- The intense campaign cul- Htwo responses. The first is a the concerns the funders of climate change creative methods to encourage heid government of South Sir Timothy Bevan admitted ments in the fossil fuel industry supportive but disheartened denialism and inaction, as well the large-scale change that Africa where segregation of that “world opinion counts. It through their endowments but reply along the lines of, “yeah, that campaign as committing countless human we urgently need. Where black and white citizens was affects commerce, and world also receive funding directly a larger group went into an \\ Fossil fuel it’s a nice idea but it will never don’t come from nowhere and provokes \\ rights abuses. To effectively traditional political methods enforced at every level of life opinion has changed a lot this from the industry through indi- overnight occupation of the happen”. The second offers the former in particular has address the challenges of have failed, divestment is now year”. Barclays had pulled vidual departments. The fossil university quad. A small group divestment must be a complete aversion to the some grounds for scepticism. today and the future, Imperial making serious progress on £200 million from South fuel industry relies on universi- of students were singled out a question of 'when' subject entirely, by changing Imperial College has £5.4 must stop investing in this university campuses, in city Africa, and became the first ties to provide large amounts for disciplinary action and the the topic of conversation. If million out of a £126 million the chemical engineering industry by simply applying halls, and financial institutions \\ Most of our of many British companies of intellectual and human cap- occupation was cut short, but rather than 'if' \\ we are serious about tackling endowment fund directly building at Imperial to Shell their aims and mission to their around the world. universities hold ital through each new cohort the Edinburgh campaign con- climate change and securing invested in the fossil industry. headquarters speaks for itself. investment policy. The global divestment com- of graduates, as well as the tinues in earnest. a safer future for society, This makes Imperial the third- The notion of divestment As a finite resource, fossil mitment by universities now investments in the research needed to extract and A similar position was taken in minated in one PhD student, this atmosphere of apathy largest UK university investor at Imperial may seem fuels will inevitably not be stands at £540 billion and the fossil fuel industry process fossil fuels in ever-more 2015 at Oxford, who hold the Roger Hallam, undergoing a needs to change. This is the in fossil fuels. The difficulty controversial, but when it around forever and only serve UK’s institutions alone account difficult and harmful ways. second largest endowment in hunger strike. Roger’s enor- however, is that Imperial is placed next to the stated as a short-term solution to for over £10 billion of this. A through their Activists have met these chal- the UK. The university stopped mous personal commitment receives a huge amount missions and aims of the growing energy consumption. surge in divestment movements endowments but lenges head on and a variety short of full divestment but didn’t go unnoticed and after \\ If we are serious research funding from the college it becomes a lot As Imperial aims to “empower in the last two years now means of tactics have been employed made a commitment to divest 14 days the university reaf- fossil fuel industry. There are more palatable. The college graduates… to contribute 49 universities in the UK, more also receive funding in campaigns across the UK so from coal and tar sands. In firmed its commitment and about tackling a large number of people to the long-term needs of than a third of the total, have directly from the far. The University of Edinburgh response, 70 prominent alumni agreed to a full divestment climate change and working in the Royal School society”, we welcome our committed to divest from fossil agreed to a partial divestment handed back their degrees and within five years. of Mines, for example, whose college to follow through on fuels. This jump towards a seri- indus t r y \\ to divest from the South Afri- in 2016, moving its money the fossil free campaign contin- The momentum in the UK for securing a safer research solely depends on this commitment. ous statement on fossil fuels by can economy, although many out of three companies with ues towards fulls divestment. In divestment is clearly proceed- future for society, this funding. Imperial are getting left our most respected institutions around the world, especially in activities in coal and tar sands late 2015, Warwick agreed to ing in one direction: a situation However, the source of behind as many other UK is thanks in large part to the by the state. In response, the the U.S. had already done so. oil, considered to be the most a full divestment in only one where our universities, some of this atmosphere of research funding should not universities, such as King’s many vocal and committed National Union of Students, Financial markets welcomed harmful of fossil fuel depos- year. This was followed by the most respected institutions apathy at Imperial determine where Imperial College, are now committed student movements that began supported by individual unions, the change of direction, seen its. Even this partial decision divestment announcements in the world, come together invest their funds. It is ludicrous to divestment in fossil fuels. across the country in 2013. called for a systematic divest- by this point as inevitable for from UAL, Surrey, Oxford to take a coherent and con- needs to change \\ to believe that the only reason The divestment campaign is It was in Glasgow in late ment from the South African any public company with signif- Brookes and Sheffield. The fol- structive stand against the the fossil fuel industry gives continuing to play a vital role 2014 that fossil fuel divest- economy. icant positions in South Africa, lowing year, full commitments environmental destruction money to Imperial is because in encouraging Imperial to ment gained its foothold in the In the UK, there were obvi- and Barclays’ share price \\ Imperial is were made by Queen Mary, perpetrated by the fossil fuel motivation behind the Divest Imperial then re-invest back state their “mission is to catch up. Watch this space. UK. After a year of student ous targets for the campaign enjoyed a modest increase fol- being left to play St. Andrews and Bristol while industry. With 13 of its 24 mem- Imperial Campaign, aiming into fossil fuels. The industry achieve enduring excellence campaigning the university and the NUS concentrated lowing the announcement. partial commitments came bers holding some commitment, to encourage the college to provides funds for their own in research and education committed to divesting the on Barclays Bank. To begin The global divestment move- catch up with our from Southampton, Newcastle divestment is becoming the stop investing in the fossil fuel benefit. in science… for the benefit £18 million of assets which it with, students divested at a ment against apartheid was neighbours \\ and Cambridge. norm within the Russell Group, industry. Fossil fuels are becoming of society.” Is there anything held in the fossil fuel industry, personal level, moving their certainly significant in placing Here in London, Imperial as well as in London where The team behind the ever more difficult to extract more beneficial to society \\ The source of making it the first in the UK to bank accounts and boycotting the political pressure on the is quickly being left to play eight major universities in the campaign want to encourage and process, making the than taking action on climate research funding do so. In the months preced- Barclays. In the first two years South African government catch-up up with our neigh- capital have already commit- open discussion on divestment industry increasingly reliant on change? Yet by investing ing Glasgow’s decision, SOAS of the campaign, Barclays lost which eventually pushed them was only taken after a 10-day bours. At the London School ted. For Imperial to maintain its for students and staff alike. We the results from the research in fossil fuels, the college should not had frozen all of its fossil fuel 10% of its market share in into negotiations in the early occupation of Edinburgh’s of Economics a year-long well-deserved reputation as an want to stop the conversation they fund. They also receive seems to be doing the determine where investments, and eventually student accounts, a product 1990s. In this way, divestment finance offices by a group of student campaign led to a institution tackling global chal- from being shut down and endless amounts of graduates opposite. Burning fossil fuels divested its £1.5 million six seriously valued by retail bank- had achieved meaningful polit- 20 students. A year later, dis- full divestment commitment in lenges, fossil fuel divestment address the concerns the from the college year on year. is the leading cause of climate Imperial invest their months later making it the first ers. Over the next few years ical change and the campaign appointed in the university's 2015. Alongside all fossil fuels, must be a question of 'when' campaign provokes. The The running joke that there is change and once they’re out f unds \\ fossil-free university in London. Barclays would gradually is a testament to the strength of aversion to a full divestment, LSE also agreed to divest from rather than 'if'. responses described above a secret tunnel running from of the ground I doubt they 10 felixonline.co. uk /comment [email protected] Friday 12 May 2017

BLAH!!! blah

BLAH...blah? Blah. Blah.Blah.Blah blah..! blah? blah blah blah blah BLAH? COMMENT blah Blah!? BLAH! ...blah Blah.blah blahblah- felix ...BLAH! blah! Alex Chaudhri and Kieran Ryan think it's time the exclusive drinking societies Imperial were held to the same standard as College's white everyone else \\ Imperial have seen an opportunity to make a vision for White lot of money and taken it with zero consideration for City people’s lives \\

t the end of so vile. He effortlessly in. ‘Exciting’ is an asset to \\ Homes are being Corporate Watch dubbed the last term I glorified his privilege over increase financial value, an development “a crude exercise attended a the W12 community and was estate agent’s wet-dream. demolished and in social engineering”. Their Union Council received with affirmation and Already rent is soaring – replaced by the investigation found that meeting. congratulation by the Union mine has gone up 20% on people with a history of mental Before the Council and members of the the previous year. Homes same uniformity health were being deliberately Ameeting could commence there student body. Personally, I are being demolished designed to make excluded from social housing was an extensive powerpoint expect that Chicken Cottage and replaced by the same and quotas were set for the presentation about the would neither be able to uniformity designed to make rich people feel at number of homeless people college’s development in afford the rent or that there rich people feel at home. home \\ in the area. The discrimination White City, Imperial West, would be a community for it to They are designed such that and exclusivity underpinning given by Professor Neil serve, let alone be allowed to the incoming elite can feel these projects oppresses Alford (Imperial White City serve. unthreatened by the reality of up to £77,200. In 2012, people struggling to survive Syndicate). Already, the goliath Westfield of diverse people having to when the planning application in our city and creates socially As someone who has lived in shopping centre sprawls coexist in a city. The ethnically was accepted by Boris dead spaces. Imperial sets its Shepherd’s Bush this last year, across the east of W12, and diverse largely working Johnson’s Mayor’s Office, aspirations high. I am aware of the rampant is currently expanding. The class community is becoming £37,900 post-tax income Let’s be clear, White City gentrification affecting the shopping centre’s architecture displaced, marginalised and was the 88th percentile in the Campus is a thinly veiled area, and I am disgusted by is designed to alienate the destroyed, and replaced UK. Clearly the College’s money making scheme, Imperial’s involvement in this. individual, its clinical structure with rich, white, photo-op definition of “affordable” was the veneer of ‘science’ and The rent increases in W12 intended to make rich people favourable professionals. All either fraudulent or totally ‘education’ are all that is have already been forcing feel comfortable and to keep money made from this venture out of touch. In fact, the needed to shuffle through people from their homes and consumerism slick. Behind will be extracted to line the Mayor’s office deemed this their plans. The vast majority increased rates are quickly Westfield is the former BBC pockets of the economic elite. “overpriced” but still gave the of the site will be rented out transforming Shepherd’s Television Centre and Imperial One of the first stages of go ahead. to private businesses, chain Bush’s diverse high street into West. The W12 night sky is construction, already well Alford then congratulated shops and luxury housing. yet another lifeless row of polka dotted with the red underway, is the 35-storey the College for entering Regarding the start of chain stores. lights of construction cranes. luxury residential tower that into a group of developers construction on the residential After showings us slides with It’s a picture we see across is designed to rise high above gentrifying the area. He hoped tower, Imperial Development a vision of White Cit y campus’s London (and the country’s the neighbourhood and assert that they would be able to do Director Graham Stark said streets lined with chain food high streets). A community, Imperial’s dominance. The something like the King’s Cross that “[the development] shops – Costa, Pret a Manger, with little political or financial purpose of the tower is to make development. The King’s Cross demonstrates our long-term etc. – Professor Neil Alford influence, who work hard to money and to show off. It will area is a huge redevelopment commitment to delivering made a ‘joke’, saying that he make part of the city unique have 192 flats of which only area controlled and operated a vibrant mixed use didn’t know exactly which and interesting is recognised 12% are “affordable” three- by the King’s Cross Central community.” This is a further stores would open up, but for these facts and that area of bedroom homes. The law for Partnership Limited. The insight into Imperial’s selfish knowing the area perhaps London is labelled as ‘exciting’. residential developments is area is policed by a militia ignorance of the currently there would be a Chicken This is, of course, a term used that 36% of homes must fit of private security. Potential existing community and Cottage. Chuffed with himself, to fetishise and brand an area this category. Imperial is not residents undergo selection desire of the developers to he received rapturous giggles into a commercial product. having to play by the rules. before they can even view cleanse the area of all but from many of the assembled Then the developers come Further to this, these 12% of the mostly multi-million the high rent economic elite. at the council meeting for homes will be solely rented pound properties to rent. Like Imperial College looks after a comment that was racist, to “key-workers” – people Imperial, King’s Cross failed to its own. They have seen an deeply classist, and exposed whom the college has chosen provide the legally required opportunity to make a lot of the condescending entitlement to live there. They will not be affordable and social money and taken it with zero that festers at all levels of this available to the public. housing. In fact, they went consideration for people’s university. Moreover, Imperial’s further, cancelling some of the lives. As strong as this may I was appalled that he could definition of “affordable” was construction to build a further sound, I am ashamed to be so casually say something a target household income 100 luxury homes. In 2012, affiliated with the college. #helloicu Help give our Freshers crew the best welcome possible.

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Recruiting now for 2017/18! Apply now at imperialcollegeunion.org/helloicu 12 felixonline.co.uk/science [email protected] Friday 12 May 2017 felix SCIENCE Forests have been hiding in plain sight Andrada Balmez explains how we’ve only just discovered 467 million hectares of forest

cientists have the 25 biodiversity hotspots. so, distinguishing trees from disparity. in order to know what we been missing Previous estimates of shrubs, disentangling reflec- In the future we could get should expect from climate the forest for the dryland forests have been tance and shadows proved a much clearer idea of how change, we ought to improve trees; literally, it incongruous due to inconsist- much carbon is stored in those estimates. Currently, the turns out. A team ency in methods and reliance forests. At the moment our rate of deforestation predicts of international on national cover statistics. \\ This is estimates are not as accurate that rainforests might disap- Sscientists have found that For example different studies as they could be due to the pear in the next 100 years, dryland forest cover could would use satellite images approximately 250 discrepancies in the forest possibly replaced by dryland be 40% to 47% higher varying in resolution, different times the size of coverage, but if we want forests as the dryland biomes than previously estimated. mapping approaches and to construct better models will extend. This corresponds to 467 even different definition of Wales \\ million hectares (Mha) of what constitutes a forest, now forest that have never been defined as “land spanning reported before (and this is an area of more than 0.5ha to be difficult sometimes, the approximately 250 times the with a tree cover over 10% researchers warn. size of Wales or seven times that is not predominantly used This estimation also solves the surface of France). The for agriculture or urban land a field conundrum: the report increases the current use, as well as land on which dissonance between land estimates of global forest tree cover is temporarily use and land cover. Land by at least 9%, the team under 10%, but is expected use is employed to describe reported. to recover”. Moreover, areas that are used by man Dryland biomes cover the study also considered (urban, agricultural, indus- 40% of the Earth’s surface non-tropical dry forests which trial) whereas land cover and from the Mediterranean hadn’t been mapped using describes natural ecosystems. Sea to central India, from satellite imagery before. This In the past, estimates of land South America to the Russian latest estimate used global use and land cover didn’t Federation, they contain some satellite data from Google quite add up to our global of the most threatened ecosys- Earth, with high spatial land surface. But this work A Coolabah forest in the Pilbara region of Western Australia \\ TERN Ausplots tems, including seven out of resolution imagery. Even has managed to bridge the How we’ll meet-eor our maker Lizzie Riach discusses the subtleties of a meteor apocalypse

ew computer One of the simulations Tsunamis became the main century. Impacts like the one (the “Asteroid impact avoid- simulations targeted London specifically, danger for asteroids landing suspected of driving the dino- ance” wiki page highlights have found simulating a 200-metre-wide in water (accounting for saurs to extinction 66 million multiple strategies in detail!) that if an space rock hurtling at a around 70-80% of the total years ago are believed to The simulations are not with- asteroid speed of 20 kilometres per deaths from each of these only occur once every 100 out criticism. Gareth Collins, impacted second. The results indicated impacts). Despite this, the sim- million years. a planetary scientist working NEarth, humans would be more that around two thirds of all ulations showed land impacts But, as is the nature of here at Imperial, suggests the likely to die from the blast suggested fatalities would to be much more catastrophic most natural phenomena, published findings could be itself, and not the subsequent be a result of shock waves for life than those landing in meteors can’t be predicted. misleading. With a 60-metre- effects it would have on the and extreme winds carrying the oceans, due to the likely Astronomers are constantly wide rock, very few impacts planet. A comforting thought. debris. proximity of dense human scouting the skies for potential could kill millions, with the The shock waves, extreme The range of damage populations. dangers. Others ask the majority killing none. The winds and falling bits of space seen in simulations was, as But you can rest easy. In question: so what if we were average is therefore greatly rock would probably deal the you’d expect, very broad, reality, fatal asteroids are in the line of fire? How would inflated by a few exceptional surrounding humanity its final with some impacts killing very rare. Meteors that slip we divert this space rock? circumstances – it all depends blow. That is, according to over 117 million people, and through, like the 20 metre Proposals include countering on where it lands, Collins recent computer simulations others posing no threat at wide rock that shook the the asteroid with a high speed maintains: “you have to put it conducted by planetary all, with smaller space rocks Russian city of Chelyabinsk spacecraft to throw it off in perspective.” scientists lead by Clemens exploding in the atmosphere in 2013 are predicted to course, or initiating nuclear Rumpf. before reaching the ground. only frequent Earth every explosion to propel it away Student Support Fund

If you suddenly find ContaCt the Student yourself in financial FinanCial Support team to Find out more: difficulties or experience an unexpected change +44 (0)20 7594 9014 in circumstances, you Student Hub, Level 3, Sherfield Building may be eligible to apply for emergency financial www.imperial.ac.uk/fees-and-funding help through the Student Support Fund. 14 felixonline.co.uk/culture [email protected] Friday 3 March 2017 felix CULTURE . J. Abrams’ sci-fi train station one night to demeanour reaffirms the adventure Super 8 shoot a scene. Trouble looms notion that he’s unfit for the is a poetic tribute as they find themselves in role of a father. Scratch the Modern to early Spielberg the middle of a massive train veneer of the town’s mys- films, taking us derailment, marking the start terious goings-on, and the down the avenue of the emerging terror that worried lives of a few Lillian ofJ their childhood memories: besets the town: people in residents becomes percep- Classics of shooting action films with Lillian go missing, along with tible, with many touching neighbourhood friends on an their dogs and electrical scenes setting the tone for a 8mm format camera – known appliances, compelling an film that deals with themes of as the Super 8, it was first electronics saleswoman to forgiveness and letting go. The felix guide to... Cinema | marketed in the 60’s as a proclaim, “this feels like a Rus- Super 8 is filled with cultural user-friendly sound-recording sian invasion!” – an allusion remnants from the 1970’s, camera. The film’s beautiful to the rising tension with the like the Walkman cassette visuals are hard to ignore and Soviet Union as the Cold War player and Blondie’s ‘Heart The pop and the Super 8 coupled with an emotionally- was entering new heights. of Glass’, just in case the stirring storyline, Super 8 The kids form a search- viewer wasn’t watching the succeeds in becoming more and-rescue mission in secret film keenly enough to notice than a mere homage to as they attempt to locate a the characters dressed in Spielberg. missing group member. The unmistakably 70’s-fashioned (A fair bit of warning to shroud of mystery surround- clothes and driving 70’s-pe- readers, like myself, inexpe- ing the town’s growing threat riod cars, not to mention the rienced in 70’s filmmaking is lifted when the kids stumble liberal culture around recrea- upon their school teacher’s tional substances at the time politics belongings in his ‘dungeon’. (“You wanna buy some pot?”, \\ The film’s A series of events following their discovery, alternat- beautiful visuals ing between disaster and are hard to ignore serendipity, culminates in its \\ Super 8 is conclusion – a spectacular filled with cultural – coupled with an show of affection between the emotionally-stirring kids and their parents, whose remnants from the accompanying orchestral 1970’s \\ storyline, Super 8 music by Michael Giacchino is much more than (who won an Oscar for his score in Up) manages to a mere homage to impose a quiet weeping a storekeeper asks Charles Spielberg \\ session on this particular at one point). It feels like J. reviewer. J. Abrams is paying tribute Through the course of their to a lot more than just old – the title may evoke a picture adventure, the nature of Joe Spielberg movies, but rather of eight kids with superpow- and Charles’ relationship sentimentally to the 1970’s as ers teaming up to destroy a changes as Joe, in the style of a whole. J.J. Abram’s love letter to the films of his child- common threat – which is Todd Anderson in Dead Poets Emotionally driven at its hood centres around a group of early-teens making home movies and investigating mysteries something I wish I could say Society, breaks his cocoon of heart, Super 8 – like Spiel- \\ Paramount Pictures had never crossed my mind shyness and subservience and berg’s E.T. and A.I. Artificial prior to watching – damn morphs into a more assertive Intelligence – manages to those superhero movies! If it and gritty persona. The mov- convince viewers to exert does, promptly pull it out of ie’s intimate and human facet sympathy on the characters your brain and head to the slowly unfolds as Joe and and to care about what hap- Hafiz Zainal nearest bin for disposal.) Alice (Elle Fanning), a school pens to them. Joe and Alice’s Set in 1979, in the rural friend playing the detective’s parental loss and familial town of Lillian, Ohio, Super wife in the zombie thriller conflicts are narrated in such 8 centers around a group of they’re filming, discover they a way that you wish you were More than just an homage to 14-year-old kids who share a have more in common than there to tell them everything’s love for filmmaking. Joe (Joel just tender feelings for each going to be alright – although early Spielberg films, J.J. Abram’s Courtney), having recently other – they both suffer from the lack of a rule dictating lost his mother in a local mill lack of love and emotional someone’s life will get better 2011 sci-fi adventure film Super 8 accident, copes by escaping understanding from their in the long run means this explores the relationships between into his hobbies: painting plas- single fathers. Joe, like Alice, is poor consolation. Boiled tic train models and making endures constant arguments down to its melancholic * More than you ever needed to know families, and the tricky navigation zombie films. His friend, with his dad, a deputy sheriff essence, Super 8 whispers a Charles (Riley Griffiths), the who copes with the loss of faint message about letting teenagers must face as they amateur director of the apoc- his wife by throwing himself go of a loved one and alyptical film they’re making, into his job. In one particu- feelings of resentment – a about the Eurovision Song Contest start to leave childhood behind is opportunistic and has an larly heartbreaking scene whisper loud enough for you eye for things that have “pro- Joe and his dad have an to hear and take home the duction value!”, which brings emotional row at home, and message. the group along to a deserted his dad’s seemingly apathetic EUROVISSUEEUROVISSUEEUROVISSUE SPECIALSPECIALSPECIAL I once had the misfortune of watching Eurovision with only an Argentinian, a Mexican, and a so scandalous so scandalous Lebanese for company. If you’re not European (or Australian, apparently), Eurovision seems to so scandalousso scandalous be very confusing and completely un-understandable. For us Europeans, either on the mainland so scandalousso scandalousso scandalous or stuck on little islands, it’s the defining feature that we all have in common. How is it possible to 2017 | not feel affectionately towards the brutal political performing, voting and shunning, the drunken United Kingdom’s chances suggestions that they have television hosts, and dodgy Euro-fashion, and the camp performances with the potential to bankrupt her perform remotely, or This year, with Brexit looming, God forbid, that they pick the hosting nation? Responsible for this mental breakdown is Tessa Davey // All images eurovision.tv many European countries are another representative anything but our best friends. that would be granted Even Theresa May has been entry to Ukraine. Instead, reported as joking that she they chose to withdraw doesn’t think that we will get from the contest entirely, many points this year. It seems saying that she will A potted guide to Eurovision history that as well as ruining our instead represent Russia country, she wants to ruin our in next year’s competi- chances at Eurovision too. But tion. Instead, on the day here’s a common Europe, and jump through countries to 43 countries par- outside Europe. One special in the final. you never know, we’re fairly of one of the semi-finals, misconception several hoops such as ensur- ticipating in 2008 and 2011, condition of Australia’s par- Of these, all but the Big obviously in dire straights with she performed in Crimea that Eurovision ing that it will be broadcast and similar numbers taking ticipation is that they agree to Five (France, Germany, a snap election being called, in an act of defiance. began solely as to 98% of their country, they part in the subsequent years. co-host the contest in Europe Italy, Spain, and the so maybe we’ll get some pity The winning 2016 entry a way to reunite broadcast the previous year’s The only European countries if they are to win – if they win United Kingdom, who are points and do slightly better from Ukraine’s Jamala the bruised and show, and of course, that they that have never participated this year, they will probably the biggest financial con- than usually. We can’t really about the deportation Tbattered Europe after paid the fee. The television in Eurovision are Liech- co-host with Germany for tributors to the European do any worse. of the Crimean Tatars the Second World War. stations each have different tenstein, Vatican City and 2018. The novelty of Australia Broadcasting Union, and by the Soviet Union was This may be the reason ways of determining their Kosovo, although all countries still seems to be strong even thus are automatically Russia undoubtedly fantastic, but that it was so successful, entry, although by now most but Germany have failed to among the most traditional given a place in the final) we can’t deny that the fact and to this day is the participate at least once since and the host nation had to Let’s address the huge ele- it won the Eurovision Song largest entertainment 1956, for reasons ranging battle it out for a place in phant in the room in this year’s Contest was anything show on Earth, but the between a form of political the final at the two semi-fi- Eurovision: Russia’s absence but a political statement. true sentiment behind its \\ Eurovision protest to simply not being \\ Eurovision nals/elaborate excuses for from the contest held in Kiev, Indeed, Russia took it per- conception is rather more able to afford it. The winning a tech rehearsal that took Ukraine. The Russian entry, sonally, and threatened to geeky. is about way nation must be able to host is about way place on Tuesday and Yulia Samoylova, was banned boycott the next year’s contest The first Eurovision Song more than the the contest the following year, more than the Thursday. from entering Ukraine after in protest. With all of Europe no better than when drag finals, who feel like this kind general trend being all coun- Contest took place in on top of their participation The winners are decided touring Crimea in 2015. Each choosing this entry as the win- queen Conchita Wurst rose of discrimination goes against tries moving towards English 1956 at the suggestion of music, it’s about fees, the possibility of which music, it’s about by votes from all the participant is organised by the ners, I can’t imagine they felt like a phoenix to win the 2014 the spirit of Eurovision. This performances – even France Sergio Pugliese from an using your has ruled out entries by many using your other countries, with one respective television stations very welcome. competition. Russia’s anti-gay year Russia has had a huge who have faced protests in the Italian television station, nations at different points in to twelve points being in each country, and Russia’s Eurovision tends to be a stance tends to bring protests media storm regarding its anti- past when their entrant has who wanted to take the vote to express time. vote to express awarded. With this in channel One turned down contest of openness, shown from crowds at the Eurovision gay laws, with reports coming sung in any other language. Italian Sanremo Music Fes- friendship To celebrate the sixtieth friendship mind, it pays to be good in the last month of gay men Only Portugal, Hungary, and tival and expand it to test anniversary of Eurovision, friends with your neigh- being detained and executed Belarus have entries that are the limits of live broadcast and political Australia were invited to and political bours. Eurovision is about systematically in Chechnya. not at least partially in English. television. The first contest approval (or take part in Eurovision 2015 approval (or way more than the music, Maybe, in the spirit of Euro- was in Switzerland, with as a one-off, as a nod to it’s about using your vote vision, they really are better France seven countries taking disapproval) \\ the popularity of the Song disapproval) x2 \\ to express friendship and sitting this one out. part, and the challenge Contest down under. They political approval (or But why are France singing in was to have seven differ- were given an automatic spot disapproval). Scandinavia English? Well, it’s actually not ent television networks in in the final and came fifth and the Balkan bloc are Language entirely out of choice. France seven countries simulta- countries host X-Factor style overall, with Guy Sebastian’s Eurovision fans, and Austral- very good at awarding nearly faced disqualification neously broadcasting shows to decide their contest- Tonight Again, a clear nod to ia’s don’t seem to be on trend their douze points to their In the early days of Eurovi- this year when it emerged the same program. Of ant (probably as a way of Europop with in composition to be any less successful this own, but the UK doesn’t sion, songs were required to that their song Requiem was course, the European wringing more money out of and staging. Australia were year. tend to do so well. Ireland be performed in their national performed as far back as Broadcasting Union used viewers in votes). so popular that it was decided 2017 was set to be the first and Malta are usually language. Since 1999, there December 2015, long before the excuse of bringing a The numbers of participat- that they would be allowed to year to reach 44 participants, our friends, but thanks to has been no restriction on the it was submitted as their Euro- war-torn Europe together ing countries grew gradually return in the subsequent year, but with Russia having pulled our sometimes question- language that songs can be vision entry. This breaks the as an excuse for their each year. After the Second but would not be given an out of this year’s competi- able political decisions performed in, which has lead to rules, but France have got experiment. World War, a contest that automatic place in the final. In tion as their performer was and tenuous relationship large numbers of songs being around it by using a bilingual To compete, a national unified Europe and had 2016, Dani Im’s The Sound Of not granted permission to with Europe, our scores sung in English or French, which version of the same song with television network must themes of love and peace Silence propelled them into travel to Ukraine for the suffer. Two months after tends to increase the score due an English chorus. This differ- be an active member of was popular and it became second place, and Europe’s competitions, and Bosnia and the invasion of Iraq, the to their lyrics being understood ence is enough to keep them the European Broadcast- wildly successful. Following love for their Oceanic cousins Herzegovina being forced to UK was awarded a grand by a larger number of viewers. safe, although is it worth the ing Union, located in the the Soviet dissolution and the does not seem to be waning. withdraw due to the financial total of null points across However, Eurovision purists, cost to their gallic pride? range of broadcast of the end of the Cold War in 1991, Even if Australia were to state of their national televi- the whole competition, a and some countries, still prefer EBU, or being a member there was a sharp increase in win the Eurovision Song sion station, only 42 countries feat that occurs only very performances in their national state of the Council of the number of participating Contest, it wouldn’t be hosted were eligible to hold a place rarely. language. But the numbers are dropping off, with the EUROVISSUEEUROVISSUEEUROVISSUE SPECIALSPECIALSPECIAL Hungary: Joci Pápai - Origo Hungary are one of few performers to sing entirely in their national language. Those who stick to their language are usually afforded a place in the final by virtue of making the purists happy. Very few countries this year went down the THE FINAL | first half obscure instrument and national dress route, but Hungry has done us proud. They might be trying to score points with tra- ditionalists, but Origo is catchy and somehow manages to feel contemporary while clearly being an homage Hungarian history. This might manage to avoid pleasing either the young or the old Eurovision crowd, or it could do both. Either way, Armenia: Artsvik - Fly With Me I’m a fan. Artsvik was a contestant on the Russian version of The Voice in 2013, but was not particularly successful. Based on their Israel: IMRI - I Feel Alive music video, Armenia could have been one of the most visually interesting performances, but sadly they didn’t reach their full potential in the live show. Honestly, the most notable parts are a memorable hairstyle, and a sound effect that sounds suspiciously like a technical glitch, but yet is intentional. Without Russia being present to exchange douze points with, The artists and songs that represent Israel are always unpredictable, calling on a variety of genres and styles over the years. Armenia’s score in the final may be dented. I Feel Alive is a fairly generic Europop song that will doubtlessly be heard in clubs across Europe in the coming months, but it doesn’t really bring anything special to the Eurovision table. This song could so as well as several other similar entries, and the dancers dressed in black and white are not enough to visually separate it from the pack. While I’ll be happy to Austria: Nathan Trent - Running On Air dance to this in trashy Euroclubs this summer, it’s not going to win.

Following a shameful performance that earned them nul point two years ago, and a strange performance where they sang in French last year, Austria have played it more safe this year with the incredibly clean-cut looking Nathan Trent. He’s a sneaky one though, because he also reached some of the final stages of the Eurovision selection process for Germany. Italy: Francesco Gabbani - Occidentali’s Karma I guess the boy knows what he wants. Dressed all in white (a Eurovision classic) his staging imagines him in the clouds, After being on hiatus from from Eurovision for fourteen years before 2011, Italy have come back strong, doing fairly well where he sings from the moon. Your mum would like him, maybe the rest of Europe will too. the last few years. This year’s entry, which went straight into the final as one of the Big Five, has the veritable honour of being simultaneously the most unsettling performance (is it cultural appropriation if it’s about cultural appropriation though?) and the favourite to win. It’s a great song, bringing quirk and being camp in spades, but they’re running the risk that the message will be lost on those who don’t speak Italian, meaning that their main selling point is a cheeky Italian man Azerbaijan: Dihaj - Skeletons who dances on stage with a gorilla for reasons unclear. If people get it, this could deservedly win, but they’re definitely not playing it safe. Despite being relatively new to the Eurovision Song Contest (first performing in 2008), Azerbaijan have a consistent record of strong Europop hits, although their scores have dropped off in the last three years. Dihaj were unsuccessful in their attempt to represent Azerbaijan in 2011, missing out to overall winners Ell & Nikki. One of the edgier performances in Moldova: Sunstroke Project - Hey Mamma 2017, you can expect words to be scrawled on a blackboard, and a horse astride a stepladder, the exact meaning of which is unclear without explanation. The horse represents the bad guy in a relationships, and the ladder the emotional Sunstroke Project have performed at Eurovision before, coming 22nd in the 2010 final with their song with Olia Tira. Now, distance from the singer; the collapse of the box is a metaphor for the breakdown of a destructive relationship. It’s an unu- they are bringing back the widely acclaimed epic sax man in a slightly more mature performance, although there’s still sual theme that breaks from the tradition of happy-clappy songs about love or peace, or strong political statements, and the something of a Guy Fieri look about them. They make the most of only being allowed six performers on stage by cloning imagery might be too strong to make this a Eurovision winner. Still, expect some points to be given for the use of a man in a themselves over and over on the back splash. They get points for the use of impressive mid performance costume changes horse mask. and use of the running man, but although the song sounds great prerecorded, they didn’t pull it off so well live in the semi-final. Treading the line between a novelty act and generic Europop, Moldova are going to have to up their game if Belarus: Naviband - Story Of My Life they want to do well in the final.

Belarus are another of only three performers to sing in their national language. Historyja majho žyccia, or in English, Story Netherlands: O’G3NE - Lights And Shadows Of My Life is the first ever Belarusian song to be performed at the Eurovision Song Contest, and the duo Naviband have a charming performance that justifiably earnt them their place in the final. They make strong use of props and costumes, but The Netherlands are a Eurovision old hat, having only ever only missed four contests since 1956, and having won four their performance feels inexperienced. Belarus have only qualified for the final four times before, so maybe this is the year times. The group of three sisters have previously represented the Netherlands in the Junior Eurovision Song Contest back that they’ll actually do well. in 2007. Their performance is clear and glamorous, their obvious experience working to their advantage. Lights and Shadows treads the line between cheesy and uplifting, with strong use of Europop and near-a capella singing that high- lights their vocal skills. In the semi-final, they fluffed a couple of notes, but with a flawless final performance, O’G3NE could score very well. Croatia: Jacques Houdek - My Friend Poland: Kasia Moś - Flashlight

Jacques Houdek is already an insanely successful artist, with silver, gold, platinum and diamond albums to his name, Kasia Moś is one of many performers to have been in a reality music show (not affiliated with Eurovision) before being who performs a variety of genres from opera to pop. In his impressive entry, he moves effortlessly between these selected. She came third in the British, Must Be The Music, and well as The Pussycat Dolls Burlesque Revue. This might give genres at almost each line, demonstrating huge skill. From the deliberate camera work, you’d be forgiven for think- her international recognition that may prove helpful when it comes to the scores. One of the only performers to have ing that there were two identical performers, each singing the different parts. But there’s not, it’s just Jacques. My co-written their song, Moś’s performance takes the Eurovision tropes of a man sawing away at a violin, swelling orchestral Friend is not only incredibly skillful, but it is also glorious to watch and to listen to. I would be surprised if the rest of backing, and even a dole of doves, and delivers it in a way that showcases her genuine talent. It’s not a particularly origi- Europe doesn’t recognise it as such. nal entry, but it ticks all the boxes to score well.

Denmark: Anja - Where I Am Portugal: Salvador Sobral - Amar Pelos Dois Portugal’s entry of a slightly unsettling jazzy love song performed in Portuguese by a somewhat strange man is reminis- Anja Nissen is well known from having won Season 3 of Australia’s The Voice. In fact, she was born and raised in Aus- cent of French entries of old. This is one for the purists. Its melancholy and undeniable sadness comes across even without tralia, but is of Danish descent. In the semi-final, she gave a passionate solo performance about letting go, falling to her understanding the words – the Eurovision holy grail. The performance is simple, with no backing performers or distracting knees as sparks rained around her. This song could be one of dozens of others over the years, but why break away from a background. Expect Salvador Sobral to be charismatically uncharismatic as he clutches his arms to his chest and makes formula that works? If you can tell the difference between all the female soloists singing about love and loss in this competi- you believe that he is truly searching for his long lost love. This song has done extremely well in previews, and looks likely tion, you’re doing better than me. to be Portugal’s most successful entry yet, having never come higher than sixth place in a final. Divest EUROVISSUEEUROVISSUEEUROVISSUE SPECIALSPECIALSPECIAL Greece: Demy - This Is Love On first listen, this is another generic Europop song about love from a country that wants to compete, but ultimately does not want to win for fear of struggling to afford to host the competition. But this song grows on you, and this is sure to be THE FINAL | second half a summer club hit in Europe. Greece use a tried and tested Eurovision formula of a beautiful woman surrounded by buff men. During the chorus, Demy rises out of the stage on a podium as two men wearing only what appears to be breeches splash in a pool at her feet, possibly also singing the backing vocals. The meaning of these men is unclear, but this is a Australia: Isaiah - Don’t Come Easy catchy club song that you’ll be hearing more of over the coming months, even if Europe somehow decides not to vote for a Europe’s cousins from a slightly different part of the world seem to have been honorarily adopted into the Eurobubble, Eurovision formula that has done well in the past. and it looks like they’re here to stay. They came second last year and fifth in 2015, and it seems like we love the novelty. Australia’s entry is 17 year old Isaiah Firebrace, who like the Danish entry, rose to fame by winning an Australian reality Norway: JOWST - Grab The Moment music show. He performs alone on stage while continually walking without going anywhere on a rotating platform. They’re one of the only countries to be bold enough to use giant moving pictures of the performer as the background Norway have been the subject of some scandal this year. Joakim With Steen performs with some vocals on the backing splash; closeups of the singer’s puppy dog eyes creating an intensity and passion that is reflected in his intense eyebrows. track from Norwegian singer Aleksander Walmann. Eurovision rules state that all vocals must be performed live, but It’s a strong Eurovision ballad, and should propel Australia to a high score. Norway have managed to escape penalty by passing them off as entirely sound effects, and not crediting the vocals. The aesthetic and sounds are incredible modern for Eurovision, and while their vision is clear, it’s probably not going to work Belgium: Blanche - City Lights for the majority of the millions of Europeans watching.

Belgium also put forward a 17 year old singer, Ellie Delvaux, who was previously a contestant on the Belgian version of The Voice. Sadly was eliminated early on in the contest, but that didn’t stop her being chosen to compete in Eurovision. Alone on stage, she combines a maturity beyond her years with and obvious naivety and innocence that makes her performance Romania: Ilinca and Alex Florea - Yodel It! endearing. However, there isn’t to this song beyond generic indie-pop. She visibly relaxed into her performance during Romania are sporting a strong two contrasting performers: one with a strong 90s RnB meets Justin from the Darkness vibe, the semi-final, so there may be more to come from Blanche in the final. combined with a weird yodelling situation. I didn’t realise that Romania had a strong history of yodelling, and it turns out that I was right not to. As a reaction to Switzerland putting forward a Romania band as their entry, Romania decided to “send a yodeller in return.” Sadly, the outfits that made me so happy in their music video didn’t make it to the staged performance, but the quirk is definitely not lost, what with the puppets on the back splash and the unexplained cannons on stage. This is definitely one of those “only at Eurovision” ones – maybe it could win. Bulgaria: Kristian Kostov - Beautiful Mess Spain: Manel Navarro - Do It For Your Lover Bulgaria debuted in the Eurovision Song Contest in Kiev in 2005, but have only qualified for the final twice in the years since then. Last year, they came fourth, and now they’re joining the many other countries to enter an adorable 17 year old The selection of Manel Navarro was extremely controversial, with even Spanish politicians weighing in on the selection singer who was a finalist in The Voice Kids Russia, and was a runner up in X Factor Bulgaria. He makes good use of visual process. Navarro co-wrote his own song, which automatically gets a place in the final as Spain is one of the Big Five – who effects and is edgy beyond his years – probably the most interesting of the 17 year olds. His performance in the semi-final knows if he would made it otherwise. Obnoxiously laid back, he seems to have forgotten that Eurovision is a contest in was sleek and mature, and his breathy thanks to Europe as he finished unbelievable endearing. I wouldn’t be surprised if which people usually perform in formalwear, because he’s forgotten to do up his shirt. With a performance that lies some- he scores well. where between Jack Johnson and One Direction, I can’t see it being particularly successful. Cyprus: Hovig - Gravity

Cyprus have been relatively unsuccessful over the last fifteen years of Eurovision, but not might be time for them to shine. Sweden: Robin Bengtsson - I Can’t Go On Their song was penned by Thomas G:son, a Swedish writer well-known in Eurovision circles who has written winning songs in the past. Hovig, who same seventh in the 2009 season of Greece’s X-factor, has previously attempted to represent Robin Bengtsson, controversially, was not the Swedish public’s first choice for their Eurovision contestant. However, thanks Cyprus at Eurovision in 2010 and 2015. With the opening having elements that are suspiciously similar to Rag’n’Bone to the novel Swedish selection technique of using an international panel representing the Eurovision community to give Man’s Human, it uses familiarity with a similar song to replace the recognition of a song that has already been successful added points, Bengtsson was bumped into the winning slot. From the music video released on Eurovision.tv ahead of the across Europe to generate votes. The hints of EDM give this song a modern twist on what is a classic Europop perfor- semi-finals, Bengtsson’s performance, while clean and well rehearsed, feels sterile. The performance in the semi-finals was mance, but it’s still way too generic. There’s nothing to write home about either in the song, or the staging. almost identical, from the opening camera shots to the four hipsters in turtlenecks performing a dance reminiscent of OK Go on neon-edged treadmills. Will Bengtsson’s attempts to seduce with sultry eyebrow movements pay off in the finals? Sweden are tipped to do well, but to me, the Swedish entry lacks the authentic passion that makes a Eurovision winner. France: Alma - Requiem United Kingdom: Lucie Jones - Never Give Up On You

France have been one of the most consistent countries in the Eurovision Song Contest, missing only two years, and It’s no secret that the UK tends to be a little unpopular when it comes to Eurovision votes. Although you wonder whether we winning five times. This year, Alma’s Requiem has been the subject of a scandal where it was discovered that it even take our choice of artist seriously – think back to when we genuinely entered Scooch with a weird air hostess themed was performed prior to the submission deadline. As such, they’ve adjusted their classic formula of beautiful French song – it’s pretty clear from the political voting that we wouldn’t win either way. This year, we seem to have a somewhat girl sings about love by adding an English chorus, which I’m sure is to the chagrin of the French public who are legitimate entry, with the Welsh Lucie Jones from 2009’s X-Factor performing a song written by Emmelie de Forest, who normally sticklers for purity. The performance is dull, relying on Paris’ romanticism to do a lot of the work as she wrote and performed Denmark’s winning entry in 2013. When Jones sings, “I will never give up on you, I don’t care what performs in front of a swirling Parisienne aerial view. There’s nothing special about the French entry, but there’s noth- I’ve got to lose” we can ask whether she’s reaching out to Europe, and laying down a stance on Brexit. It’s a strong ballad, ing objectionable either, so it could go either way. but when even Theresa May admits that we’re not going to get any points this year, is there any point?

Germany: Levina - Perfect Life Ukraine: O.Torvald - Time After winning last year with a very political performance, Ukraine don’t seem to be able to stick to the tried and trusted Germany are the only country to compete in every single Eurovision since its inception, but have won only twice. Like Eurovision themes of peace and love. In their music video, O.Torvald stand astride stylised mountains of rubbish, with Poland, they’re playing the familiarity game with Perfect Life. There’s definitely more than a hint of David Guetta’s Tita- digital clocks counting down on their chests, urging us to take time to look around and find a world without violence. nium in this, but the performance is absolutely classic Eurovision, down to the coiffure and shoulder pads. Although the Unfortunately, this didn’t make it to the final, but you can expect a strong visual performance nonetheless. Ukraine have recording of this song feels modern by Eurovision standards, the live performance is reminiscent of Eurovision of old, this a strong Eurovision pedigree, winning twice since they first took part in 2003, and usually making it to the top ten. I don’t could appeal to older voters who may not make up enough of the demographic to make a difference. expect this year to be any different. EUROVISSUEEUROVISSUEEUROVISSUE SPECIALSPECIALSPECIAL

Honorable mentions from 2017 Hall of fame Alexander Rybak - Fairytale (Norway, 2009) Naviband (Belarus) Lordi - Hard Rock Hallelujah Best use of leather (Finland, 2006) Slavko Kalezić (Montenegro)

In his music video, Montenegro’s Slavko Kalezić uldulates in leather trousers with a single braid flowing from his head. He gave a wonderful per- formance in the semi-final in the almost as good sequins and mesh, but sadly did not make it to the final. Maybe his song was good, or maybe he just reminds me of our esteemed editor-in-chief, but this was my favourite music video of 2017.

Alexander Rybak won Eurovision with Fairytale by an absolute landslide in 2009, scoring 387 points and becoming the highest scoring song of In 2006, Europe was ready for something different. Enter Lordi, a heavy metal all time. Having written the song and recorded the backing fiddle track Performing astride a rotating boat, with dry ice and wind band dressed as terrifying monsters (with the lead singer, Mr Lordi, wearing a himself, the violin on stage was disappointingly just for show. Rybak’s son Best use machines galore, Naviband sing, dance, and have the right level festive Finnish flag hat) who performed surrounded by huge amounts of pyro- is about a beautiful creature from Scandinavian fokelore who lures young of interpersonal tension. I have no idea what they’re singing technics. It was critically acclaimed as good for the Eurovision song contest, men to her, and curses them for all time. It came at a time when the world of props about, but the combination of the costumes, the props, and the paving the way for entries that broke away from the generic cheesy Europop. was head over heels with the romanticism of Taylor Swift’s Love Story and musical performance are working its Eurovision magic on me. Although it may not have been to everyone’s tastes, they lead the votes all the Rybak’s earnest innocence drove his popularity. Following the contest, the Naviband (Belarus) way through the contest, scoring what was at the time, the highest ever score song topped the charts all over the world. (beaten only by Alexander Rybak in 2009). Conchita Wurst - Rise Like A Phoenix ABBA - Waterloo (Austria, 2014) (Sweden, 1974) Best use of cultural appropriation Francesco Gabbani (Italy)

Check out the music video for Italy’s Occidentali’s Karma without any under- standing of Italian or subtitles, I dare you. If it does make you feel a little bit uncomfortable, you maybe need to do a bit of reading up on cultural appropriation.

Eurovision is not a strange to cultural appropriation, but in recent years the acts have become more politically correct to reflect the growing social awareness of the audience. Despite this, Francesco Gabbani appears in a variety costumes from kimono-style jackets to saffron robes, posing like a Hindu god and dancing with a man in a gorilla costume. The song is actually a mocking take on the way that Westerners take Eastern ideas and Westernise them, piggybacking on ideas of spirituality and treating them as novelties that make them interesting and sexy. The lyrics are somewhat sophisticated and reference science, art, and literature to make his point, but I feel that the point is somewhat lost. Even if you know that the Western habit of appropriating cultures as our own is problematic, using these cultures in a form of mockery is still parodying them, and it is still disrespectful. It’s hypocritical for Gabbani to imitate things that are meaningful to serve his point. It wouldn’t be a guide to Eurovision without a moment dwelling on the Conchita Wurst winning Eurovision in 2014 showed us that the kitsch ultimate classic hit. The Swedes are the uncontested kings and queens of The live performance is a lot safer, with minimal obvious cultural appropriation craziness that happens at Eurovision extends beyond just the show. With a Eurovision; it the winner isn’t performed by a Swede, it was probably written beyond the use of language. Given that the majority of the audience will not performance as powerful as her voice, Wurst raised the stakes of standard by one. The 2016 Eurovision Song Contest in Stockholm showed us that the speak Italian, the meaning of his lyrics is very likely to be lost, and a lot of people for powerful female soloists that followed. To have a bearded drag queen Swedes are not to be beaten, bringing out Alexander Rybak and Lordi to will enjoy it for its faux-spirituality. By using this medium to make his point about perform the beautiful Rise Like A Phoenix flawlessly and win as she so perform musical skits mocking the contest itself, and even roping in Justin the Westerner’s karma, Gabbani is serving only to do the same. deserved demonstrated that the Eurovision community was supportive of Timberlake to perform during the interval. Sweden’s 1974 winning Waterloo diversity beyond the camp costumes and dances that Eurovision usually went on to be one of the best-selling singles of all time, and is the quintessen- brings. tial Eurovision track, defining the genre of Eurovision Europop. GamesGamesGames

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• On-stage presenters try • Singers wave their arms around whilst singing • Presenters talk over each other unbearably hard to be • Singers put excessive emotion into their singing due to bad time delays during funny...and fail • Entries have nonsensical song titles (shoo-be-doo-wop video links • One or more on-stage etc) • Reference is made to the UK’s presenters change their • Singers try to join in with musicians during instrumen- null point years outfits tals • Cyprus gives Greece 12 points • On-stage presenters • Singers have an exceptionally bad haircut • Norway gives Sweden any points have a time-wasting • You see visible/prominent nipples/genitalia. but not vice-versa conversation that no-one • The French performer sings in French • Malta gives the UK 12 points can follow, understand • Singers resemble, or appear to be hugely influenced • There is any sucking up to the or care less about by Shakira host nation • A male presenter flirts • The singer tries to interact with the audience • France gives United Kingdom null with a female presenter (“c’mon!”, “altogether!” etc) point and fails miserably • The act involves dancing that surpasses belief and • An ex-soviet country gives 12 • The BBC Presenter men- credibility points to another ex-soviet coun- tions Terry Wogan • The singer flirts with the camera after song has fin- try • The BBC Presenter men- ished • Acts are on their mobile phones tions that he/she needs • There is use of atmospheric panpipes, drums, fiddles during voting or is drinking alcohol and/or traditional dancing • The BBC Presenter • Lyrics are overly suggestive moans about political • There are any unnecessary props, or instruments that voting aren’t being played Drink twice if the performer clenches • The act uses a wind or smoke machine 2 fists (“Two Handed Fisting Special • The singer switches to a higher key near to the end Move”) \\ Drink twice and look disap- SPECIAL pointed if a ballad is exceptionally bor- ing or euro-techno rears its ugly head Drink twice if the performer clenches a fist to express emo- RULES tional angst \\ Down your drink if you see an air guitar Friday 12 May 2017 [email protected] felixonline.co.uk/culture 27 CULTURE felix Xavier Dolan | In praise of popular art Xavier Dolan, the critically- acclaimed enfant terrible of French-Canadian cinema, is set to release his sixth feature film later this year, but isn’t even in his thirties. Léo Diaz lifts the lid on his oeuvre, and finds outwhat makes his films tick

Xavier Dolan’s Mommy, a festival hit, finds the director flexing his directorial muscles, expanding his technique \\ Allstar

avier Dolan is watch his movies, but the very movie? is another feature his movies make people remember him, not your average meaning of tear-jerking hints The most obvious theme have in common: they are in a constant race against the director. What at why some people instinc- that runs through all six meant to touch people, to clock. This urgency means first sets him tively hate this: sentimentality. features, at least partly, is change them, make them emotions are not expressed apart is that he is I’ve noticed that critiques the way a son is seen by a feel emotions. No surprise in the subtlest of ways, and extremely young: thrown at his movies often use mother, whether the mother from a director whose I think that is where the X28 at the time of writing, he’s the same words – artificial, is his own – most notably favourite movie is Titanic. He accusations of sentimentality already released six full- gratuitous, easy; all in nega- in I Killed my Mother and even says it explicitly: “Au originate. But where does this length features. He directed tive terms – and I believe this Mommy, depicted through sentimentality come from? his first,I Killed My Mother, is because of sentimentality. everyday relationships – or The first part of the answer when he was just 20, and his I will come back to that later, of a friend’s (all the others). \\ Dolan wants us is that he conveys emotions 2014 Mommy received the but given a seventh feature Funnily enough, the recurrent through stories. As such, Jury Prize at Cannes, along scheduled for release later figure of the mother is played to identify to his the stories he tells must be with legendary director Jean- by the same actresses: Anne characters so much general – or to use another, Luc Godard’s Goodbye to Dorval in three movies, that they become blurrier, word: popular – Language. However, while \\ When watching and Nathalie Baye in two enough for everyone to his youth and remarkable others. What other themes? archetypes, emptied identify with, or at least be maturity must play a role, I a Xavier Dolan film, Homosexuality, obviously: immersed; that is why his of personality so believe they cannot account people either cry, or it’s explicitly present his first movies are dramas, even for the profoundly polarising two movies, I Killed My that we can fill in the spilling over into melodrama. reactions his films elicit: when resent that Dolan is Mother and Heartbeats, and Mommy is the perfect exam- void with our own watching a Dolan movie, telling them to cry \\ in Tom at the Farm where he ple, depicting the tumultuous people either cry, or resent himself plays one of the main emotions \\ relation between Steve and that Dolan tells them to cry. characters; but it’s also a thin his mother, one that we know This is just me exaggerat- this year, (The Life and Death backdrop in It’s Only the End doomed since the very first ing since at least two of his of John F. Donovan) I wanted of the World, although it is cinéma, j’ai besoin d’être shots of the movie: indeed, movies – I Killed My Mother to understand what his films not explicit in the Jean-Luc ému” (“In cinema, I need what is more popular than and Tom at the Farm – do – despite at the surface being Lagarce text from which the to be moved”). But, more (family) relations? not truly feature overly about very different topics movie is adapted. However, importantly, I believe this This leads to the second tear-jerking sequences like – have in common; what jus- I do not believe these themes goes back to his young age part: emotions are achieved Mommy does, for instance, tifies the repeated use of the explain why his movies are and early acclaim: within his through characters. In a but the idea remains. Dolan same adjectives in critiques. polarising. personality and his movies similar manner to the stories obviously wants people to Essentially, I wish to ask the Instead, what I think is there is an urgency to touch, before, Dolan’s characters feel something when they question: what makes a Dolan responsible for such reactions to say what he has to say and are people you might see on 28 felixonline.co.uk/culture [email protected] Friday 12 May 2017 Friday 12 May 2017 [email protected] felixonline.co.uk/culture 29

elix CULTURE CULTURE elix g romance and themes of famil oun he nd y, c f y ar ou on o tbr ar fllic ow far would stick it. Yet Pugh’s acting is Fairbank). The first feeble and s e g t, f f a a m k in a a .. lv n you be willing much more complete, as she the second menacing, they r . d d \ vo e \ m s re to go to assert shows not only Katherine’s from a controlling pair whose n IF o a C ly t p io your freedom? determination to get what she attempted vice-like grip on s b F n i a k l it s Lady r m oncealm . Who and what wants, namely Cosmo Jarvis’s Katherine gives her ample of c en v o ll t a \ s fu n e s d \ w r d n would you risk Sebastian, but also the fear opportunity to fight back, as le a i s il n C ’ r g d th e u to pursue your own desires? and anger that drives her she throws off their insistence n n o r. r a t . z a l . . o H h \ . Facing these questions is to commit ever more drastic she “sit inside with her prayer o g \ . n

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s man, finds passion through energy whenever she’s on the Ackie) and young Teddy an affair with a stable boy screen, and sparks whenever (Anton Palmer). named Sebastian. Adapted she’s spoiling for a fight. Ari Wegner’s arresting from Nikolai Leskov’s 1865 Sebastian embodies the cinematography provides novel Lady Macbeth of the trope that the best way to a rich and alluring texture, Mtsensk, writer Alice Birch get laid in Victorian England in the process proving that and director William Oldroyd was to be a handsome and brown, with its many and var- transpose the setting to hulking farm hand. By this ious hues and shades, need Victorian Yorkshire, trapping metric, Jarvis is eminently not be a dull colour. Here it their characters in a bleak suitable for the role, though exacerbates the claustropho- and unrelenting world, he does have some acting bic effect of the walls, locking determined to impose itself chops too. He conveys well Katherine in, and highlighting on those contained within its the line Sebastian walks how society restricts her. Lady the street, who you might Mommy – as soon as it starts, point in the movie, the charac- enough. way he chooses to do this: grasp. between raffish and danger- Macbeth uses this to show the talk to everyday. For instance, the tone is set by violins: we ters suddenly feel a fresh air In the end, I think these four he saturates the picture with Florence Pugh, as Katherine, ous, and his later descent into relationships between choice it is Dolan in I Killed My need to be sad, right now. of hope, contrasting from the elements (and combinations effects in order to saturate it is fantastically controlled yet emotional confliction. Yet, for and power, as well as control Mother, playing a teen But what I love most is that he heavy atmosphere they (and thereof) are what makes a with emotions; with his repet- William Oldroyd’s Lady Macbeth is an explora- expressive. Lady Macbeth is all this, Sebastian never feels and resistance, and explore a looking for himself; or it is has the most amazing music we) felt before. To signify this, Dolan movie. The popular itive use of slow motion, he tion of Victorian social codes, and their claustro- at its funniest and best when worth the lengths and effort much larger scope, examining Dolan in Heartbeats, chasing choices, which have been Dolan slowly opens the screen quality of these stories and literally slows down the time; phobic effects \\ Allstar she displays her myriad of Katherine goes to to keep the line between asserting his crush; and it is also Dolan described as “shameless”: ratio characters, together with there is always this urgency querulous and defiant faces, him. More convincing reasons your owns freedoms and in Tom at the Farm, who O-Zone’s Dragostea Din Tei, from the oppressing 1:1 we music associated with specific to say the most in the least hinting none too subtly to the arrive in the form of her new abusing those of others. recently lost his lover. I think Oasis’ Wonderwall, Eiffel had since the beginning to a effects create climaxes and amount of time, to move us, men that bought, control, and husband (Paul Hilton) and the trouble with his movies 65’s Blue (Da Ba Dee), along wider 1.85:1, bringing some memorable scenes. But can’t to make us remember. To do patronise her where they can her father-in-law (Christopher By Lawrence Good begins here: Dolan wants us with lesser-known acts such welcome relief. But that is not we describe pretty much any so, he uses popular themes to to identify with his characters as The Knife or Moderat. If, all: the widening is signified movie with this? Probably, touch as many people as pos- so much that they become when reading one of these within the movie by Steve, the but it is the way Dolan uses sible, to make us as close as young Korean us fully grasp what these truly difficult to pull off, usually either archetypes, emptied of titles, you thought they were protagonist, opening wide his them that makes his movies possible to what is happening woman arrives are. The resulting uncertainty lacking frisson or descending personality so that we can fill cliché or had been heard arms in front of the camera stand out: he magnifies and on the screen. He says it him- at a vast kept me hooked; as my entire into self -parody. This is preva- in the void with our own emo- a million times, you are as a sign of freedom, the exaggerates them, and it is self: all his characters “have mansion, taking understanding of the power lent even in films centred around The Hand- tions. The way Dolan builds perfectly right; but when you ratio of the movie following this accumulation of effects, the same identity problems. up position as dynamics was liable to invert sexuality, notably in Abdellatif his characters is symptomatic watch it, they sound great, Steve’s hands as they move and his gimmicky use of They’re looking for them- handmaiden at a moment's notice, I found Kechiche’s 2013 Blue is the of this: he collects pictures of building insane climaxes, and (or, rather, Steve effectively them, that is truly the essence selves, for a place in society. Ato the niece of a wealthy myself unable to look away, or Warmest Colour, a sex-based clothes, atmospheres, hair- makes the scene memorable opening the ratio with his of his movies. His favourite They’re misfits trying to fit in. aristocrat. So begins this erotic, for my mind to wander. What’s bildungsroman which presented maiden cuts, and together they define in the best way. hands). On top of that, all combination of effects is They often love someone who psychological thriller, a taut more remarkable was how at itself as an exploration and a character’s personality. It is This result is in part made this happens in slow-motion slow motion and music, with doesn’t love them back.” and captivating exploration of each moment the reality I was evocation of desire, but ended at this point that people start possible by the final element with Wonderwall playing. sometimes the picture being Some people think Dolan is deceit, power, and sexuality being presented with seemed up as an excuse for the director to call his work easy, cliché… of Dolan’s technique: emo- As I said, too much is never blurred: this combination is trying too hard at this, with in Japanese-ruled Korea. The inevitable and incontrovertible, to conjure up a 3-hour reel of The third part is that emo- tions are achieved through literally always present in everything so thoroughly latest film from director Park only to be dashed and reshaped his lesbian fantasies – That it tions are achieved through the use of specific effects serv- his movies. I think it is this constructed to move us that Chan-Wook, who brought us the scene after scene, a remarkable takes itself so seriously gives a music. My absolute favourite ing aesthetic choices. And accumulation people do not the result is we do not wish uber-violent neo-noir Oldboy, he feat of storytelling. film an inadvertently funny spin, ere is feature of his films, music this gets to the core of what ar, th no sto like: too cliché, too easy, too to be moved anymore. But smashes the ball out of the park This control over story progres- and not in a good way. For The s ye pp thi ing is the main reason I am annoys many people: Dolan r D gratuitous. In fact, too con- what if we chose to let him once again. sion is matched by the absolute Handmaiden however, Park te o la la fascinated by his work. Like use of technique to get results t n structed and yet, too simple move us? And to me, this is Loosely adapted from Sarah precision of the camerawork. Chan-Wook overwhelmingly u ’ o s in many other movies, music can hardly be described as g o to be real. Artificial what popular art is about: to Waters’ novel Fingersmith, the It allows the film to convey gets the balance right, with only n u i tp choice is used to signify emo- subtle. He uses these tech- m u emotions. reference Dolan’s favourite film plunges us into a world not only the ominous feel of a few moments held on for too o t c tions, but Dolan pushes this niques many times in his \ Is that really what movie, Titanic, what would it brimming with lies, love, and unfolding events and apparent long, or burning too bright. \ m l i G to an extreme: he is known work, and even within fi it is? While I felt this be without Céline Dion’s (in) betrayal; we are forced to calamities, but to enhance and The Handmaiden is a rare

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o the rest of the soundtrack. An His most divisive choice – n must say them before it is Xavier Dolan’s movies are to hoodwinking and power plays. a powerful evocation of mood, charismatic yet subtle, entranc- obvious example of this is the but also the most beautiful I s too late. And this accumula- cinema what pop is to music. Each character has their own drawing out reactions in a vis- ing yet restrained. dream sequence featured in think – is in Mommy. At one tion of effects is, I think, the And that is amazing. desires, strengths, and shortcom- ceral fashion. ings, but Park never quite lets Sex scenes are notoriously By Lawrence Good 30 felixonline.co.uk/culture [email protected] Friday 12 May 2017

elix CULTURE f gay fantasia the acting. Nathan Lane is America have fuelled fears on national incandescent as Roy Cohn, anew that the new admin- themes” is a real-life lawyer who istration will mark a return the label desperately tries to deny his of government inaction as Angels in Tony Kushner homosexuality even as he epidemics rage on. Much gave his play slowly dies from Aids. His of the political art created in AAngels in America , which is energy never wanes, even the shadow of Reagan and being staged at the National across hours of turning purple Thatcherite politics seems all America theatre for the first time in the face from bellowing too relevant now. One need since the 90s; and what a Malcolm Tucker-esque profan- not delve too deep to look for fantasia it is. Grounded in ity at anyone who will listen. parallels; the morally bank- 1980s New York, the action In any other production, rupt, corrupt, Roy Cohn was sprawls across reality and perhaps Lane could’ve stolen Donald Trump’s legal advisor. delusion, from Salt Lake the show but here he is given Angels in America rages City to Washington DC, a run for his money from his against the hard-line religious from Antarctica to Heaven, castmates, which seem to be dancing on the edge of utter giving the performance of madness but never stumbling. their lives. \\ For Andrew Tony Kushner’s writing is Denise Gough playing bold, profound, and urgent, Harper Pitt, a woman who Garfield, who plays with frequent bright sparks of is verging constantly on Prior Walter, drag comedic brilliance. Even on the edge of psychosis, is the occasions the script spirals funny, heart-breaking and queen who finds into dense segments of over- ultimately uplifting. Nathan his life irrevocably arching philosophising, this Stewart-Jarett, familiar from cast and crew make it soar. Channel 4’s Misfits lights up changed when he Director Marianne Elliot, the stage as the witty, warm finds a Karposi’s who in 2011 won a Tony and wise Belize, often the Award for War Horse, has sole voice of reason amongst Sarcoma lesion on created a theatrical spec- a group of characters where his arm, this is surely tacle to be marvelled over. each is more neurotic than the Columns of fire erupt inches last. Amanda Lawrence as a career-defining from the audience, hospital The Angel is truly magnificent, performance \\ rooms rise from the bowels filled with the manifest dignity of the stage, neon shining that Kushner demands of the ladders are thrown down role in the stage notes to the conservative movement that from Heaven, New York play. sees ‘progress’ as a dirty As for Andrew Garfield, word. Yet, whilst its nearest lit- who plays Prior Walter, a erary relative, Larry Kramer’s \\ The action drag queen who finds his life The Normal Heart, also about Denise Gough as Harper and Andrew Garfield as irrevocably changed when the Aids crisis in New York, is Prior in Angels in America : Perestroika \\ Helen sprawls across he finds a Karposi’s Sarcoma sustained on a steady stream Maybanks reality and delusion, lesion on his arm, this is surely of righteous anger, Kushner’s a career-defining perfor- Angels ultimately takes a from Salt Lake City mance. He is impossible to more hopeful stance. It is an to Washington DC, look away from even when ode, as the Thomas Lux poem his character slips out of the goes, to the unbroken world from Antarctica to spotlight. It’s a tender, camp, that is coming. Heaven, dancing humorous performance which On press night, the end of matures over the course of the second part, Perestroika, on the edge of utter the play. There are moments received a thunderous madness but never early on where the character- standing ovation. It was in ization drifts ever so slightly no small part a reaction to stumbling \\ into the realm of stereotype, the final scene which Andrew Indira Mallik but perhaps this too, is Garfield makes magical in a intended – after all, Angels in way that is difficult to convey. apartments transfigure them- America is just as much about Speaking to the Hollywood Angels in America is on at the National selves into the snow drifts of types of people as it is about Reporter at the Oscar Antarctica and back again all living, breathing humans. Actors Roundtable earlier Theatre. Normal tickets are sold out under a deconstructed space- At its core, Kushner’s in the year, Garfield spoke but hundred of £20 tickets are being age cathedral dome. Special polemic is a searing account eloquently of the importance mention go to production of the Aids crisis, a modern of creating art that speaks released by ballot. NT Live will begin designers Finn Caldwell and plague, and the destruction to marginalised communities streaming performances from the 20th of Nick Barnes who have fash- it wreaked over the lives of who are desperately looking ioned The Angel's “steel grey young gay men who found for media that represents July. wings” from huge feathered themselves as patients with them, that recognises them: contraptions that are oper- terminal diagnoses or the Angels in America is one of ated by balletic puppeteers. carers of dying friends and those rare gems. Go and see As magnificent as the stag- lovers in their 20s and 30s. it. ing is, it never overshadows Recent healthcare reforms in Friday 12 May 2017 [email protected] felixonline.co.uk/culture 31

CULTURE elix Harms Way and their older of self-indulgence the kick- questioningf hoarse vocals: influences like Bolt Thrower. ass riff re-emerges with the “God rest my soul! But leave The guitar weaves for 30 vocals reverting back from my body COLD.” It is melo- Forever seconds before being joined questioning, to declaring in a dramatic and heavy all at the by a sludgy second guitar, a commanding sneer that will get bodies moving live. The \\ Forever Restless song gifts us another verse Restless and bridge in the same fash- \\ We then move immediately draws ion, with the vocals continuing to a slower sludgy comparisons to to bounce along with the fun, flighty main riff. A key dirty breakdown by new school bands detail of the second verse is riff with occasional like Harms Way that a single line of the lead vocalist’s lyrics is answered by melodic reprieves to and their older furious gang-vocals adding keep it clever and Brutality influences like Bolt a dangerous live feel to the accomplished song. The intro- exciting \\ T hrower \\ duction of gang vocals is like going to surround sound after same time. Will using a regular speaker set, distorted bass and a cymbal it’s immersive and visceral. We then move to a slower heavy drums part, layering If you were thinking sludgy dirty breakdown riff Prevail the reverb-heavy intro riff “where is the breakdown” with occasional melodic on top. The intro shows real reprieves to keep it clever and restraint, rather than throwing \\ The introduction exciting. This song deserves an aggressive riff in from of gang vocals to end in a breakdown with the start. BWP build tension the work done in tempo and with a slow grinding but is like going to thematic changes through- also catchy opener. The solo surround sound out building tension and the line descends into squealing aggression throughout the feedback and an aggressive after using a regular song. drum roll. speaker set \\ The song then suddenly cuts The cloud of tension splits out. That’s your lot. There with an effortless tempo are so many good songs on change led by a brilliant, just hold your breath for the this new album with various crunchy, and so, so catchy last quarter. This is where mixes of slow sludgy riffing, riff. Using a beautifully over- the first real mosh riff hits accusatory lyrics and faster driven Marshall sound, the in. Initially, the song teases old school riffs, but Forever stop-start riff is soon joined what is to come with a brief Restless is the king of them all. by the throaty vocals joining interruption as we return to the rhythm of the lead guitar. our original theme accompa- The commanding complement nied by a single line of more By Rob Garside with the riff beautifully until a

lagued by member their disappointing album \\ The choruses are changes and after Scatter The Ashes I was pretty directed to the sky releasing a couple of cautious to ensure that I didn’t pretty disappointing get my hopes up too much as if the Gauthier albums at the end when listening to their new is shouting at god of 2014, Brutality album In Dark Places. PWill Prevail’s stock had taken My caution was completely above \\ unnecessary as BWP have really pulled it out of the bag brief pause at 2:00. \\ BWP have really with this sludge influenced Briefly the tempo slows and pulled it out of the hardcore album. Gone are the guitars switch to block the distracting clean vocals of chords to bring the vocals to bag with this sludge Suspension of Consciousness centre stage. Here the vocal- influenced hardcore and big riffs are in. The album ist, Louis Gauthier, shows his has some great moments and true flexibility changing the album \\ even a Cure influenced closer inflection of the lyrics to make but all this pales in compari- them sound huge. While the son to their first single of this verses are accusatory, in your a real hit. As one of UK album Forever Restless. face, with Gauthier’s finger Hardcore’s leading lights in Opening with a lone clean pointing at you and his spittle the early 2000’s they built soloing guitar playing a spraying your face, the cho- up a following alongside catchy haunting melody over ruses are directed to the sky other alumni such as Hang light, Forever Restless imme- as if the Gauthier is shouting the Dastard, Last Witness diately draws comparisons at god above. Monks in a forest are so metal \\ Brutality Will Prevail and Dead Swans. After to new-school bands like Quickly after this moment 32 felixonline.co.uk/culture [email protected] Friday 12 May 2017

elix CULTURE f Being familiar with Gaiman’s using smash cuts. While this a sane man discovering the Sandman mythos but never might normally feel jarring insanity of the world to react. having read American Gods and off-putting, here it serves These first two episodes do myself, I approached the to accentuate the surrealist an excellent job of pulling Worthy of series not quite knowing imagery embraced by the in viewers and keeping what to expect. What I’ve series. their interest. At points, they experienced in the first two Wild colour palettes, and can be a bit schizophrenic, episodes, however, has me thematically in-tune scoring throwing a lot of disparate Worship | keen to see more. help to further set the scene. concepts at the viewer with American Gods follows In particular, the soundtrack no clear indication that they Shadow Moon, a convict in the first quarter of the first will be explained later. How- released early upon news episode creates a pervasive ever, this is more forgiveable American of his wife’s death, as he is sense of unease in the viewer in the age of binge watching recruited by the enigmatic Mr. that matches well the sense than it would have been in of unease in the protagonist’s the past. Television shows, mind. The visuals, for their Gods \\ Particularly part, are simply sublime. praiseworthy is the Clearly, ludicrous amounts of \\ Clearly, ludicrous money have been thrown at amounts of money introduction of the the production. This is a wel- West African trick- come necessity, as otherwise have been thrown at the series would have lost the production. \\ ster god Anansi \\ much of its dramatic gravitas, given how much it relies on abstract imagery. The conflu- Wednesday as a bodyguard. ence of these elements does specifically long form dramas Wednesday, at first glance an excellent job of realising have become increasingly a simple con-man, quickly the Gods, and boy are they serialized. For its part, Amer- reveals himself to be one of terrifying. ican Gods keeps a measured the old Gods inclined on start- Further amplifying the pace, and as a consequence, ing a war with the new ones; presence of the Gods are, doesn’t frustrate or confound science, technology, and the of course, the performances the viewer with too much like. The episodes themselves themselves. By now we information. With the excep- open with a vignette; each expect nothing short of excel- tion of the vignettes, it also chronicling the arrival of lence from Ian McShane, and manages to avoid relying a people and their god to still he manages to surprise. on exposition dumps, to its America, and simultaneously McShane’s versatility is on credit. Explanations are not exploring what Gaiman display here, as he fills out provided on a platter, but believes to be one of the the variety that might be there are more than enough core facets of the American expected from a con man. clues for astute viewers to bedrock. Orlando Jones also deserves put things together for them- These openings are special mention for his turn as selves. As Wednesday says excellently crafted, with Anansi. He manages to leave at one point, he’s “easing [us] Surreal is the new real.\\ Starz tight pacing that is echoed a lasting impression with only into it ”. throughout the main bodies a brief appearance so far. If there’s one thing that of the episodes. A switch to a In addition, Ricky Whittle really bothers me about the more ‘cinematic’ aspect ratio, proves a more than capable series, it’s the title sequence. coupled with a voice-over lead; reacting pretty much It’s loud, garish, and an helps differentiate these from how you’d assault on the senses in all Anurag Deshpande the rest of the show. Unfortu- expect the wrong ways. I can, at nately, the narration can be least, appreciate the a bit verbose and self-impor- intent behind it; the tant, but this is always one evocation of tradi- fter a of the slight risks with, and tional tribal and tumultuous charms of, Gaiman’s works. religious chants. five years in Particularly praiseworthy is Minor gripe development the introduction of the West aside, the series hell, Neil African trickster god Anansi, is definitely worth Gaiman’s post- a powerfully performed watching, and Amodern blend of Americana scene that excellently sets it’s fair to say that and folklore has finally found up the episode’s running American Gods its way to TV courtesy of theme. Specifically, how one has definitely made Starz and Amazon. American makes the decision between a believer out of me. Gods, an adaptation of submitting to oppression or Gaiman’s 2001 novel by the fighting it, even at the cost same name, is at its heart an of one’s life. The smash cut examination of faith and the ending to this vignette is used ever-changing nature of the well to this effect. In fact, the altars at which we worship. show really seems to revel in You’re never too old for a road trip.\\ Starz Your Union events Friday 12 May

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Get exclusive offers, discounts and more on our bars’ Facebook Pages. imperialcollegeunion.org/whats-on 34 felixonline.co.uk/millennials [email protected] Friday 12 May 2017 Friday 12 May 2017 [email protected] felixonline.co.uk/millennials 35 felix MILLENNIALS MILLENNIALS felix Why do we stigmatise abortion?

One in three women will have an abortion. So where are they? Tessa Davey

SEX haven’t had an abortion. of contraception perfectly. proportional to what we those who don’t see a moral women down. Women who In fact, I only know two People miss days, get sick, have to lose – accidents will problem with terminating a unexpectedly get pregnant people who have and or break condoms. Accidents happen. Whether it’s a slip pregnancy? Is it traumatic are not any less deserving of My friend, a fresher, got pregnant they personally told me happen and people get preg- up, or pressure from a horny because there is inherent respect, they are not stupid, of it. One was a girl I nant, and maybe they don’t boy who wants to get his moral questioning, or is it they are not murderers and went to school with, who want to raise a child right rocks off bareback, there traumatic because the stigma they are not evil. They are just Ihad an abortion aged 15, now, thank you. Nonetheless are people walking around that surrounds abortion is so women, like you and I, who I’d never had to think about my views on reproductive rights before and lost a lot of friends who these women exist. But where campus under the shadow of powerful that you’re almost happen to have undergone a Andrada Balmez had never realised they were are they? an unexpected pregnancy. forced to keep it a secret, standard medical procedure. pro-life until that moment. We don’t know who they disabling your support net- The decisions that we make work and inducing feelings of concerning our bodies and his is a story about immediately ran away. He actually sleeps with men not shame. reproduction should be only a friend (yes, it is eventually reappeared, but a apply this in their life? \\ One in three I don’t know. My only expe- ours to make, and no one actually about a bit too late to be of any help. Throughout this ordeal, I’ve rience with abortion amongst friend). Just like Alas, I digress. Back to my had no right to express any- women in the my peers, in what I thought any good story, it friend. thing but empathy for her and UK will have an was a very reasonable and starts with a nice I’ve tried to be on her side abortion during their sensible situation, resulted in \\ It makes me T(by British standards anyway) and help her in any way I a lot of gossip, broken friend- angry that the only spring day with my best can. Yet, I’ve had such mixed lifetime \\ ships, and hurt feelings. I’ve friend telling me that she’s feelings about the knock-up. never come into contact with time abortion comes \\ How can you fall pregnant. I’ve never been in danger of OSPITAL any positive experiences of up in conversation “So what?” you ask. so hard for someone getting pregnant myself, so abortion, never met anyone “People get pregnant all the I’ve never thought too much It shouldn’t be a big deal. who needed to terminate a is in a sex-negative that safety goes out time!” While that may be about my feelings on abortion 95% of women who have pregnancy and did what they context that puts true, she is not a 30 year-old the window? How and contraception, but this abortions in Britain don’t had to do with no negative married woman. She’s not single event has made me regret them. They’re mostly consequences or regrets, and women down \\ even in a stable relationship. does a smart girl get think more than I thought I non-events: early abortions this is wildly unacceptable In fact she is just like me, a talked into not using was capable of. are barely any different from when it’s a thing that around fresher. I don’t know about And this is the point when taking the morning-after pill, a third of women will go you but I just didn’t see it condoms? \\ this becomes about me. I beyond the inconvenience through in their lifetime. else’s to judge. coming, despite her having know that I shouldn’t make it of having to make doctor’s At a time when the right to been in a happy relationship all about my feelings when appointments. Without touch- have full agency over our with her boyfriend for quite a she obviously felt so much ing on moral dilemmas,an reproduction is not some- while. She is a bit broken, but with more – and was certainly unwanted pregnancy is a \\ Is it a traumatic thing that women can take How can you fall so hard a sense of fatalism she’s come more entitled to do so – but problem that needs dealing for granted; when in Ireland, for someone that safety goes to accept it. No, she didn’t fuck it, we need to talk about that people experienced, I’ve doing all that we can to pre- The other is my mother, are because abortion is such with. Even in a country where because there is abortion is still illegal, and in out the window? How does keep it – that was never really always seen both sides of vent them. who speaks about it with a stigmatised issue that no abortion has been legal for inherent moral the United States access to a smart girl get talked into a choice for her. That’s not to the argument for and against I don’t think she’ll com- the same straightforward one talks about, often not over fifty years, it’s not consid- abortion and even contracep- not using condoms? How can say it was an easy decision abortion, without ever form- promise her safety again. frankness with which she even to their closest friends. ered proper to talk about it. questioning in an tion has been fought against, anyone even be with a prick to make. The stress alone that \\ It’s shit and I do ing an opinion because I’ve Probably. Hopefully. And talks about close family Yes, even at Imperial – where People want you to brush it abortion, or is it silence is unacceptable. Only who “doesn’t like condoms”? came with keeping it from simply never had to. no one should (you know deaths: as something sad that we’re all smart and already away and hush it up, to deal because the stigma if we talk about it can we And then when the shit even- her parents, or from anyone feel bad for her, but Through my friend’s who you are). Seriously, mights have been traumatic making huge sacrifices for with it quietly to avoid the maybe address educating tually hits the fan, how can for that matter, having to find at the same time unwanted pregnancy I made consider me a slightly less or difficult at the time, but our education and we’re sting of breaking the taboo. that surrounds people – teaching girls to be someone be so unprepared to a clinic to get the abortion unexpected discoveries about creepy version of the weird ultimately is normal and a going to take precautions Or, because even if they are abortion is so assertive about their right to deal with the aftermath? before going back home, and I’m upset because I myself. Now, when I feel the PE teacher who’s tasked with standard part of life. pro-choice, they are judging safe sex while teaching every- I don’t have the answer even dealing with exams was urge to blame people for their doing sex ed. It’s your busi- You see, one in three you for getting yourself into power f ul? \\ one to respect their partners to these questions. Heck, I crippling. cannot fathom how mistakes, I know it’s really ness if you want a child and women in the UK will have this situation. and be considerate of the hadn’t even considered them It’s shit and I do feel bad she could have been just pointless. Who knows you are capable of raising it an abortion over the course \\ Ac c iden t s We all take risks when it subtleties of consent. in the first place, which is why for her, really. But at the how many times they had sex alongside your studies, or if of their lifetime. That’s a lot happen, and people comes to having sex, whether The more we talk about I was probably even more same time I’m upset with her so naive \\ with or without a condom; it you want to drop uni to be of women. Even if you take it’s the risk of getting an STI or It doesn’t have to be this abortion and stop sweeping surprised at finding out than because I still can’t fathom doesn’t really matter either a parent, but still play safe. the pill religiously, it’s still get pregnant, and getting pregnant. Why can’t way. We don’t have to make it under the rug, the more we she was. Or maybe because how she could’ve have been way. It could have been There are more dramatic only 99.9% effective, which maybe they don’t we think of an unexpected abortions these huge secrets normalise it as something that she had already had a day so naive. I hate badmouthing an isolated incident or it things besides an unwanted means that on average, one pregnancy the same as that we don’t talk about. is ultimately a normal part of or two to process all that my friends, but the only thing this. This three-week-long could have been a regular pregnancy. Did you know woman in every thousand want to raise a child getting chlamydia (which is It’s frustrating and it makes life. And yeah, maybe we can information – yes, she did tell I know about heterosexual drama made me think a lot occurrence. The end result that you can lose your nose taking the pill perfectly will right now, thank you also unfairly stigmatised, but me angry that the only stop being a dick to people her boyfriend before she told relationships is that pulling more about my opinions on ultimately is the same. because of syphilis? Google become pregnant over the less so)? You can deal with it time that abortion comes who are brave enough to me. And yes, if you’re won- out never works. If I know reproductive rights. Although Mistakes happen, but we it, and you will stack condoms course of the year. But let’s be very much \\ by taking a few pills, so why up in conversation is in a admit they’ve had an abor- dering, the fucking bastard that, how can someone who I knew that this was an issue should be responsible for in your house forever. real. No one uses any method is it any different, even for sex-negative context that puts tion. That might be nice. 36 felixonline.co.uk/millennials [email protected] Friday 12 May 2017 felix MILLENNIALS My interest is politics Fuck off France will go up in flames with Corbyn but look out for my podcast

Jonathan Masters is looking for Monathan Jasters is disappointed new ventures and unemployment that the French are failing to pull opportunities. their weight V S f I am ever in doubt about extremely disappointed. We will o Trump’s sister didn’t the next ferry to Macron-land. what to write in this column, feel as though we have pumped all win in the French In other news I’m currently all I have to do is read either our hopes and dreams into a fan- elections and I can’t looking for a job and it seems that The Canary or my friend’s art tastical idealist. I mean if this fails, quite explain what there may be an opening with history Facebook page, and I’ll just move to Vermont and wait happened. Perhaps the Trump administration. I am then I find an issue that is the until 2020 for Bernie to rise from those spineless cheese- of course talking about the FBI Ipettiest waste of time, and then the ashes. I mean yeah he didn’t Seating surrender monkeys weren’t position which may possibly stay dedicate 400 words to this issue, win, but there’s no way an old drinking enough Kool-Aid, or for vacant for a couple of months with full knowledge that each issue white socialist could beat a woman some reason they managed not to to a couple of years depending of felix is sent to the British Library – it’s just the natural order of white be manipulated by racial rhetoric. on how long he can avoid being and this nonsense will be archived liberal priorities. If he’s against a This is just one of the many reasons investigated. It would probably be for all of human history. Hispanic candidate then I think that France is so much weaker easier if he could just grab the gen- I just recently realised, unfor- Bernie will probably just have to than the English-speaking world itals of an entire organisation but tunately, that I will be out of the retire that dream forever and get – why couldn’t they just follow that would be pretty gay. I think, country for the general election ready to die. right-wing populism like the rest of if anything, I am overqualified for owing to the fact there are too I think after this election, I will us? Why couldn’t they just listen to the position: I take commands very many Gambian children who need decide to move my focus away their biased media and bask in the well and never question anything my white saviour soul to help build from politics, and instead put my mutual hatred of Muslims and ethnic that Breitbart publishes; I’m as their schools. Also I’ve noticed how time and energy into trying to minorities? It’s almost as if they don’t straight as they come (despite I’ve not been receiving as many carve out a career as a successful want to see the destruction of the having that secret with my uncle super likes on my Tinder account podcaster. Unfortunately all the European Union and the Western Ted); and I’m fluent in Russian. with my current photo of me taking good child murder cases have economy and want unity in their ayahuasca in Colombia. This been investigated to death, but I’m country instead. Which is weird suggests that I probably need a pic playing around with developing considering their motto is égalité, of me with some African children a hummus review show. It will fraternité, and racismé. worshipping me above my caption almost definitely be sponsored by I can only assume that the large of “Spreading peace and love and Squarespace. Please support my body of water between Great thighs”. Patreon. I don’t want to work. Britain and lesser france must have So it looks as though Jeremy will kept the ‘take our country back’ once again provide all the answers vibes subdued which is very much to the numerous problems this their loss. To be quite honest I am country has by spending money on still waiting to take my country – literally everything that people back. I honestly thought that a want – without any plan for where vote for Brexit would be a vote for this money will come from. Perhaps a strong and stable Britain, but David Cameron dropped a couple it’s almost as if everything that we of billions down the sofa when he voted for takes time. You know was in 10 Downing Street and just what though? If I have to wait to forgot about it. It’s possible that have everyone that wasn’t born they can tax all the rich people in this country deported, then by in the country and all they’ll have Jove I’ll wait – I already have a * Sponsored to do is get the approval of the stringent check-list for when we by The New hundreds of rich people in the start purging the country. Basically Federal Bureau House of Commons and the House we ask each person where they’re of Investigation of Lords. Frankly if Corbyn’s ascent from if they have dubiously tinted to power isn’t the second coming skin, and then when they give the of Christ or the rebirth of true answer that’s on their birth certif- communism I think myself and the icate, we ask “but where are you vegan consortium of Britain will be really from?” and then put them on Friday 12 May 2017 [email protected] felixonline.co.uk/millennials 37 MILLENNIALS felix

CRISIS Dear Alex, shove him into the first room/closet/storage area/surface you find and sex him (obviously First of all I would like to say what an honour consensually). Ten minutes later you exit, loos- Dear Chris, Chris it is to have a professor write to our column, ened up, smiling and waving goodbye to those albeit a bit inappropriate perhaps? Like do ass-hats you didn’t like anyway and move on I’ve been invited to a few Eurovision parties this Saturday you pick up the paper? You realise there’s to the next party. Make sure on exit to say and I’m not entirely sure what to do. For starters I’m not the naked students in it every week right? Line loud and clear something along the lines of: biggest fan of the Europop extravaganza. I mean I’m all for crossed maybe? “This party blows. I’m going somewhere fun. the oiled-up semi-clad men but ideally I’d be watching the Later.” whole thing on mute and I don’t think that’s likely to happen Thankfully, I’m all for crossing lines. And lucky at a Eurovision party. for you I’m all for crossing people too. This is Second stop: the most proximal party. Enter If I was to go, I’d probably do a Eurovision-party crawl. really what you need to do. You can’t make unapologetically. You were a ‘Maybe’ on the At one of the parties there’s this cute guy that may or may everyone happy, so you might as well embrace Facebook event page so having you is a privi- not be into me. But everyone else there is a bit of a douche. your dark side and fuck. Shit. Up. lege. Test the waters, see if you’re having fun. What do I do? If not rinse, lather, repeat. So let’s put your needs first. What do you Best, really want? I’d say your first priority is clearly Treat this as a general going out guide. getting some (you thirsty academic you). First Prof Alex Johnson stop: cute-guy party. Go in early. Come on strongly. If he’s indifferent fuck off and pro- Big luv, ceed to the next party. If he reciprocates, you Chris xxxx

HOROSCOPES VIRGO ARIES TAURUS LEO CANCER GEMINI

This week you’re This week you’re thrilled This week you re-do This week you’re France. This week you’re This week you’re Russia. No one likes to see felix finally covering your Tinder profile Yes. That’s the joke. Macron but you Queen’s Tower. you. the things that matter. and add watersports desperately want to be Someone used you to #Eurovision to your interests. You a Macaron. whack open a melon immediately realise the other day. That’s it was a mistake. Or the most human contact was it? you’ve had in years. SAGITTARIUS LIBRA SCORPIO AQUARIUS CAPRICORN PISCES

This week you’re a This week you’re This week you divest This week you walk This week you’re the This week you realise Bioeng lecturer who Tessa Davey and you from revising. Imperial into the felix office UK. No one likes you you share the same likes flashing their insisted on a ten page will surely bow down drunk and proceed to either. future as fossil fuels. students. Flashing Eurovision spread. to your demands. record inappropriate It’s pretty bleak mate. exam answers that is. You’ve given the editor- comments about Maybe you should in-chief angina. Well donuts. Some things divest. done. are not meant to be on record. 38 felixonline.co.uk/sport [email protected] Friday 12 May 2017 Friday 12 May 2017 [email protected] felixonline.co.uk/sport 39 felix SPORT SPORT felix 49th Course Croisière Edhec | Arzon France ICXC light up the Netherlands

t 7:30am on flew by for the afternoon etween the 31st getting acquainted with the second day for the coastal Friday the team, despite many running of March and 8th boat as most of us had never races, for which we had to 28th of April, for a second time. Rob of April, Imperial stepped foot on a Grand Sur- tour the Bay of Quiberon. Imperial’s Salawa managed a 10km College Yacht prise. Though we had trained With wind speed increasing finest runners PB on his 10.7km leg and Club (ICYC) took in the Solent before the race, and strong tidal currents, assembled Charlotte brought the team part in the largest, we quickly realised how steep strategy and tactics had Aoutside SAF ready to embark into Enschede – running for student-led competition the learning curve was and added complexity. The first on what was to be one of the the third time, having stepped B th in France: the 49 Course how fierce the competition race was marked with fun greatest weekends of their in to cover for injuries. The Croisière EDHEC (CCE). would be, as most boats were competition from the Spanish lives. They hit the road at stage was then set for Jenny Gathering more than 3000 crewed by well-trained teams of FNB which we overtook 8am, with Eurotrash blazing Lea and trip organiser/club students, this year the CCE or even had professional under spinnaker after 45 out of the notorious Union legend Matt Douthwaite to was held in Arzon in the skippers. minutes of match-racing. On minibus speakers through the complete the final two legs of south of French Brittany. The competition started in the second race, we had a streets of London with the the race and bring the sweaty ICYC attended with a team of very light wind and bright very good start and turned in destination set for Nijmegen vest to the finish line and seven students: three French, sunshine, where the battle the top ten at the first mark. in the Netherlands (not allow the party to begin. two English and two Chinese for speed and boat trimming Unfortunately, a boat refused Holland) for the world’s Overall, the team finished sailors. were key. Unfortunately, we our right of way after the largest relay race: the 17th out of 320 teams, We left London for ten days, lost too much on the upwind mark forcing us into a crash 45th Batavierenrace. The although this included three starting the adventure with a legs to allow us to compete gybe and left us on a collision Batavierenrace is an around- night team sped off in the briefly crossed into Germany to go for the 07:15 restart, dubious 15-minute penalties rather long and tiring twen- for the first spots. With some course with a fishing boat the-clock, 25-stage relay minibus to chase Alex and before coming to an end with a borderline-hypother- for removing the vest/baton ty-hour bus journey to cross good manoeuvres and ploughing through the fleet. which takes more than 8500 Zhen into the night, while the around 5am, at which point mic Zhen forgoing sleep to too early. Without these pen- from England to the French superior downwind speed, After another gybe to give runners across 175 km of remaining athletes attempted the exhausted night-shifters join the morning crew to run alties, the team finished in a Far West. After a night in the we gained some ground back the trawler a comfortable Dutch countryside to the finish to sleep on the floor of the passed out in the bus, having for a second time (she still total time of 12:17:01 - placing bus we set foot in Arzon, a on the fleet to finish 16th, 19 th, safety margin, we had lost accompanied by challenging thrown under the big tent at the University of Twente sports hall. Over the next successfully completed the managed to beat both of in an even more impressive fine coastal city at the heart and 20th. Not the ideal start too much to put in a high wind shifts and sudden gusts. each evening. We have to just outside Enschede. few hours the brave Imperial first third of the race. her predicted times!). After 4th! of French sailing, the bay of as we came back exhausted placing. Sometimes, racing We witnessed incredible thank the wonderful organiza- The journey itself was athletes raced against the Meanwhile the remainder multiple storming runs, some The sleep-deprived team Quiberon. We chose to com- and sunburnt, but hoping that is not just about you and you situations where the whole tion team for the overall event fairly eventful, with several cold and dark under the of the team had their alarms carefully executed changeo- then set about applying pete in the Grand Surprise as we improved as a team learn hard lessons about fleet, moving at less than and the EDHEC international traffic jams, multiple dabs and Dutch night sky, awestruck set for 4:40am to drive to vers and leg-winning runs by the most outrageous neon Class, a one-design class and on the boat, we might sportsmanship – or the lack 0.5kt, would converge at team for the very welcoming plenty of team-bonding. Club by not only the stars but the the start of the morning shift both Liam Smith and Fergus clothing and paint, along where every team races on climb up the rankings over the thereof. a mark, with boats gently atmosphere and delicious snake, Greg Jones, was set trail of bike lights accompa- in the town of Ulft. After an Johnson, the team reunited in with squad headbands and identical boats. The first day rest of the week. The wind dropped drasti- crashing onto each other and food parties presented by to run the first leg, and the nying the runners through the early-morning rave to Gay Barchem at noon for the start finger lights, allowing the was dedicated to training and The wind picked up on the cally on the 3rd and 4th days crews resorting to eating, each country. Our bunga- unexpected delays left him dark fields. Charlotte Barratt Bar and a feast of peanut-but- of the afternoon shift before team to perfectly blend in drinking and playing music low was in the middle of the just half an hour to warm up, notably completed two legs; ter and jam sandwiches the the grand finale. with the Dutch locals who did whilst still competing. It was international village, leading apply the face paint and get at 2 and 4am! The route morning team were ready The miles and final few legs not dress up at all. The team the opportunity to befriend us to meet sailors from Turkey, in the zone for the start at raved hard and for as long as and chat with other sailors, Croatia and many other 10:30pm. Back at race HQ, they could before returning while some went for a swim European nations. Some of the remainder of the team to sleep in another very hard- or climbed up the mast. They them even invited us to race were preparing for the main floored Dutch sports hall. eventually cancelled racing in their home country and we race which would begin at Anyone who thought that on the 5th day due to a lack all came back with twice as 1am. The late arrival meant everyone would be too tired of wind. Unfortunately, we many friends. We are looking there was a scramble to find for any banter on the journey did not qualify for the finals forward to repeating this somewhere still open to get back was seriously mistaken. on the last day which were experience next year for the food. Thankfully, MacDon- Bridges were applauded, won for the second time in a 50th CCE, to be held in Brest, ald’s came to the rescue to breath was held for passing row by KPMG. Overall, ICYC France. provide the widely recognised through tunnels, Rubik’s cubes finished 14th in the student Imperial College Yacht Club pre-race nutrition choice of were solved, thumbs up were general ranking, the first and (ICYC) is the only student-led Big Macs and fries. enthusiastically waved at only British crew against the yacht club in London, focus- The first leg was a stan- locals accompanied with cries French Armada. ing on yacht racing and dalone event and there was a of “YAAAAAAS”, and tunes However, CCE is not just cruising. The club is actively short break before the main were once again booming about sailing for the week. seeking for sailors from all night shift kicked off at 1am, through the speakers in the Only a third of students experience levels. To find with last-minute stand-in Alex queue for the Channel Tunnel. attending compete through out more, please follow the Baldwin masterfully handling The trip was a big success sailing, the rest battling in yacht club’s facebook page the challenge of surprise hills and Imperial Cross Country trail-running, canoeing or @ICYachtClub, or get in touch and a competitive field. Each and Athletics looks forward to beach sports competitions. through email: [email protected] runner during the race was returning to the Netherlands The event is organized accompanied by a cyclist for again next year. around a whole village support and encouragement. created just for the occasion Zhen Wang-Koh kicked off which we had time to tour, the first bike leg with Alex. enjoying the sponsors’ good- At this point the team split Fergus Johnson & ies and the massive parties Martin Rey & Ian Emerson up to conserve energy. The Matt Douthwaite 40 felixonline.co.uk/puzzles [email protected] Friday 12 May 2017

elix PUZZLES f       FUCWIT    
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