FOR MY FATHER A h eface
F lb igh chola Am Eli abe h Biehl a e pon and killed b a mob of black o h in G g le , So h Af ica, in A g 1993. The o po ing of g ief, o age, and ppo fo he Biehl famil a np eceden ed in he hi o of he co n . Am , a hi e Ame ican, had gone o So h Af ica o help black people p epa e fo he co n l democ a ic elec ion . I onicall , he efo e, ho e ho killed he e e p eci el he people fo hom, b all b e en acco n , he held a h ge compa ion, nde anding he dep i a ion he had e ed. U all , and igh l , in i a ion ch a hi , e hea a lo abo he o ld of he ic im: hi o he famil , f iend , o k hobbie , hope and a pi a ion . The Biehl ca e a no e cep ion. And e , a e he e no le on o be had f om kno ing ome hing of he o he o ld? The e e e of ch bene olen and n ing en i ie a ho e ha h o p he Am Biehl , he And e Goodman , and o he o ng people of ha ali ? Wha a he o ld of hi o ng omen kille , he o ld of ho e, o ng a he a o ng, ho e en i onmen failed o n e hem in he highe ideal of h mani and ho, in ead, became lo c ea e of malice and de c ion? In m no el, he e i onl one kille . Th o gh hi mo he memo ie , e ge a glimp e of h man callo ne of he kind ha made he m de of Am Biehl po ible. And he e I am back in he legac of apa heid a em ep e i e and b al, ha b ed en ele in e - and in a- acial iolence a ell a o he nefa io happening ; a em ha p omo ed a i ed en e of igh and ong, i h e e hing een h o gh he a ped p i m of he o e a ching crime against humanity, a he in e na ional comm ni labelled i . In Mother to Mother, he kille mo he , be ilde ed and g ief- icken, d edge he memo and e amine he life he on ha li ed . . . hi o ld. In looking fo an e fo he elf hil alking o he o he mo he , imagining he pain, he d a a po ai of he on and of hi o ld, and hope ha an nde anding of ha and of he o n g ief migh ea e he o he mo he pain . . . if a li le. 1 Ma di a lame
My son killed your daughter. People look at me as though I did it. The generous ones as though I made him do it. As though I could make this child do anything. Starting from when he was less than six years old, even before he lost his rst tooth or went to school. Starting, if truth be known, from before he was conceived; when he, with total lack of consideration if not downright malice, seeded himself inside my womb. But now, people look at me as if I’m the one who woke up one h h day and said, Boyboy, run out and see whether, somewhere out there, you can nd a white girl with nothing better to do than run around Guguletu, where she does not belong. And hey, while you’re at it, Sonnyboy, hey, if she’s American, all the better! As though that were something — a badge or label — she would have worn on her face. As though he would go out there, weigh the pros and cons, and carefully choose her for her sake, for being who she truly was. My revilers seem to think that, with such perfect understanding between mother and son, I wouldn’t have had to say one word more. Naturally, he’d’ve just known what it was I wanted done . . . what I wanted him to do. I should have such an obedient son! Why do they think he did what he did if he were such a lamb, a model child? Let me say out plain, I was not surprised that my son killed your daughter. That is not to say I was pleased. It is not right to kill. But, you have to understand my son. Then you’ll understand why I am not surprised he killed your daughter. Nothing my son does surprises me any more. Not after that rst unbelieving shock, his implanting himself inside me; unreasonably and totally destroying the me I was . . . the me I would have become. I have known for a long time now that he might kill someone some day. I am surprised, however, it wasn’t one of his friends or even one of my other children he killed. Mind you, with his younger brother, he was wise not to try. That one would have killed him with his bare hands rst. And perhaps that would have been for the better. If it had happened, your child would still be alive today. Except, of course, there is always the possibility she might have got herself killed by another of these monsters our children have become. Here in Guguletu or in Langa or Nyanga or Khayelitsha. Or, indeed, in another, far-away township in the vastness of this country. But, let me ask you something: what was she doing, vagabonding all over Guguletu, of all places; taking her foot where she had no business? Where did she think she was going? Was she blind not to see there were no white people in this place? Yes, the more I think about this the more convinced I am that your daughter must have been the type of person who has absolutely no sense of danger when she believes in what she is doing. That was your daughter’s weakness, I can see. How many young white South African women were here in Guguletu that day she was killed? Do you see them driving up and down this township as though they are going to market? But people like your daughter have no inborn sense of fear. They so believe in their goodness, know they have hurt no one, are, indeed, helping, they never think anyone would want to hurt them. I bet you anything, if she ever thought she might be in danger . . . she probably saw that coming from the authorities, who might either hamper and hinder her in what she was bent on doing, or in some way stop her altogether from doing it. To people like your daughter, doing good in this world is an all- consuming, erce and burning compulsion. I wonder if it does not blinker their perception. And, if he had killed one of the other women who were with your daughter, d’you think there would be all this hue and cry? He’d be here now; like the hundreds of killers walking the length and breadth of Guguletu. But then he never did have any sense. No sense at all in that big head that burdens his shoulders till they stoop. Full of water, it is. What a shame. For the years he has lived, hasn’t he learnt anything at all? Did he not know they would surely crucify him for killing a white person? And your daughter; did she not go to school? Did she not see that this is a place where only black people live? Add to that, where was her natural sense of unease? Did she not feel awkward, a sh out of water, here? That should have been a warning to her . . . a warning to stay out. Telling her the place was not for her. It was not safe for the likes of her. Oh, why did she not stay out? Why did she not stay out? White people live in their own areas and mind their own business — period. We live here, ght and kill each other. That is our business. You don’t see big words on every page of the newspapers because one of us kills somebody, here in the townships. But with this case of Boyboy’s, even the white woman I work for showed me. The story was all over the place. Pictures too.
It’s been a long, hard road, my son has travelled. Now, your daughter has paid for the sins of the fathers and mothers who did not do their share of seeing that my son had a life worth living. Why is it that the government now pays for his food, his clothes, the roof over his head? Where was the government the day my son stole my neighbour’s hen; wrung its neck and cooked it — feathers and all, because there was no food in the house and I was away, minding the children of the white family I worked for? Asked to stay in for the weekend — they had their emergency . . . mine was just not being able to tell my children beforehand that they would be alone for the weekend . . . not being able to leave them enough food for the time I was away . . . not being able to phone and tell them of the change of plans. Who was on the phone, in Guguletu then? And why would the awarding of phones have started with a nobody such as I am? Why now, when he’s an outcast, does my son have a better roof over his head than ever before in his life? ...living a better life, if chained? I do not understand why it is that the government is giving him so much now when it has given him nothing at all, all his life. God, you know my heart. I am not saying my child shouldn’t be punished for his sin. But I am a mother, with a mother’s heart. The cup You have given me is too bitter to swallow. The shame. The hurt of the other mother. The young woman whose tender life was cut so cruelly short. God, please forgive my son. Forgive him this terrible, terrible sin. 2 M b a Wed e da 25 A g 1993
A clea a mn mo ning. The oom, indo facing ea , a a h i h he hin A g ligh . The indo i open. Yo da gh e lep i h i like ha all nigh h o gh. Wha ho gh lled he mind a he oke! Wha d eam e e he he nigh j pa ! Wha hope did he ha bo in he b ea fo he da j bo n! Wha , fo he homing mo o ! The h ill c of he elephone jol he . I d edge he f om deepe leep. I he call e pec ed o doe i come a a comple e p i e? I can a . B he i e happ alking on he phone. She ell he pe on, See o oon! he oice, a an a b eak of da . A he p he ecei e do n, he face i ba hed in adian mile. She lie back and h m a ne, he mile linge on, ligh ing he e e . Mo he ? O . . . bo -f iend? Whoe e i a ha made he happ . A li le hile la e , inging ill, he leap o of bed and j mp in o he ho e . Bod , all and ong, e e ine and limb f ll a ake, ali e, ingling, he ep o of he big, hi e ba h b, i h c ack and chip o e i bone-colo ed face f om hich all glo ha long e apo a ed. The ho e i one of ho e old, deca ing c e den lo e o m ch. A big, o el apped a o nd he , ba efoo , he head fo he ki chen. Long hick da k and of hai pla e ed do n he back, in ick, e cien mo emen , he e he elf b eakfa . H iedl , he g lp do n cold-milk ce eal. Cha e i do n i h black co ee, piping ho . And a lice of hole hea b ead. Toa ed. B e and a da h of Ma mi e. A an af e ho gh , he g ab a hick lice of chee e. S ill nclad e cep fo he hi e o el, back o bed he pad on he long hin fee , pink again he deep b o n, almo black ca pe . Back o bed. To ead, c ibbling no e a he goe along, he hand holding he pen agging f io l like he ail of an o e -eage p pp . A li le f o n plea he fo ehead. She op . Cock he head. Hea he ho e g gling. Tha ell he one of he oom ma e i p. Li a? Te ? Fo a momen he li en . Smile . Then he e e go back o he book ha lie open again he che . Wha i he la ac of he mo ning o ine hi da ? Doe he ho , See o , la e ! o he oom ma e ? B i kl , he alk o he ca pa ked o in he open a d. Ke n . Doo open . She lide in behind he heel and he e e a oma icall leap o he i . The big o nd a ch ha look like a man ell he : e en f - e.
T en kilome e a a , in G g le , ha i e ac l he ime I lea e he ho e. Yo go on leeping, I d aid ea lie o he ilen , ine log in he malle of he o bed oom . I nea l eigh o clock, if o ca e o kno . I m abo o lea e. M da gh e had m mbled and ned o face he all. The i al i nchanging. Fi I he , hen I go o he b o he , bo h olde han he . S anding a he back doo , he ki chen doo , facing he back a d, he e he bo leep in he in hack, he hokkie ( o kno he e one- i e- -all ho e of G g le don e pand a he child en come), I holle : He , o o! Time o ge p! A al, no e pon e came f om he hokkie. M oli i! (Tha he olde bo , ci c m i ed j la ea ) He p ide him elf on hi abili o a p half he nigh . Wha he ha no lea n , in all hi man ea , i ha he e i a di ec ela ion hip be een hen one goe o bed and hen one ake p. He ill eadil ackno ledge hi inabili o ge p in he mo ning, b ee no ca e and e ec , no link, be een ha dail di c l and he ho he keep . He in i ha hi condi ion i na al, j a ome people ha e of oice hile o he oice a e g . L nga! L nga, ge p and ake o b o he p! H , befo e he a e I e hea ed fo o ge cold. Ye , Ma! Al ho gh L nga oice o nd a ho gh he ha co on ool in hi mo h, I am ea ed, deepl g a i ed ha , once again, m po e ha o ked, I po e he abili o ai e he dead. Soon he and Si i e a e in he ki chen, ha ing co ee and b ead i h jam. Si do n! Si do n! Wh m child en ne e i do n o ea , e peciall mo ning , i be ond me. Of co e, no , he a e in a h ; o ho ld ee ho he olf he food do n. Wh do he ne e ge p on ime? I o bhuti ill in bed? J hen, a c a ch oice a f om he doo , Can e ha e ome mone fo egg , Mama? M hea l che . Some da M oli i o nd o m ch like hi fa he I fo ge he ea and hink I ill ee China anding he e hen I ai e m e e . Gi a elike, knee emi-gen ec ed hile neck op head do n o e cape c aping he op of he doo f ame, he come in. Soon he ill be ha ing, I ee. Tall and m c la . S ddenl , L nga, ne o him, eem mall fo hi age . . . o a lo o nge han he i ea be een hem. Did e all leep in he ame oom? I h o a him. Good mo ning, Mama! Mo ning, Si i e! in a oice gone lo d and e io , he a ; hand, palm p, e ched o o a d me. I ll b ing egg hen I come back f om o k. A ha , he n hi a en ion o hi i e , Wha e o ha ing? He mo h choc-a-block f ll, Si i e m mble ome hing and ho him he b ead. Ma, he a , mmaging a o nd he c pboa d, can e ha e he pickled h? The e i plen of f i , I ell him. The e b ead, jam and he pean b e , oo. B ead nning o , g mble M oli i, holding p ha i lef of he loaf, abo a a e . So am I, I a , miling a him. . . . nning o . O el e, I ll be la e. The e i no an e ing mile on hi face. In ead, he a , ‘Wayeka nokusenzel’ isidudu, Mama! Yo e e en opped making po idge, Mo he ! Yo e old eno gh o make ha fo o el e ! B e mi o hand, a L nga. I allo m g il . Wha o ld happen if I a ed home doing all he hing a mo he ppo ed o do? We co ldn po ibl i e j on ha D ad a make . . . e ha dl make i a i i , i h me o king f ll ime. A I ep o of he doo min e la e , I ha il h o o a co ple of eminde : ha he e ppo ed o do fo me ha da a o nd he ho e, ha food he e no o o ch. And emembe , I an o all in hen I come back! No ha I hink hi make an di e ence o ha ill ac all happen. B , a a mo he , I m ppo ed o ha e a ho i o e m child en, o e he nning of m ho e. Ne e mind ha I m ne e he e. Monda o Sa da , I go o o k in he ki chen of m mlungu oman, M Nel on; lea ing he ho e befo e he child en go o chool and coming back long af e he n ha gone o leep. I am no home hen he come back f om chool. Thing e e m ch be e in he da hen I onl had M oli i. I ook him o o k i h me . . . did ha ill he a ed chool. B ha mlungu oman ill allo m hole c che in o he home? Be ide , he child en a e all big no , he go o chool. To emind hem of m le he efo e, each mo ning I gi e he e elabo a e, emp in c ion ega ding hei beha io hile I am a a . A me e fo mali , a cha ade, ome hing nobod e e heed . The child en do p e m ch a he plea e. And ge a a i h i oo. Who can al a emembe ha a fo bidden and ha a pe mi ed? B he ime I ge back in he e ening, I am oo i ed o emembe all ha . I ha e a ha d ime emembe ing m name, mo of he ime, a i i . B , e ha e o o k. We o k, o a ali e. A m people a , ukulunga kwenye, kukonakala kwenye, he igh ing of one, i he ndoing of ano he (p oblem). Life i ne e p oblem f ee.
Doe o da gh e d i e i h o he o chool o i he b he elf? I he ca adio on o doe he p in a ca e e, pla a ong ha b ing o mind he o ng man o fa a a ? Wha plan doe he ha e fo he e ening? T a c i ligh a he lea e Mo b a . So i he hea . Ligh . Soon. Soon, he ill be home. S ange ho he a able o bea i bea being a a . Un il no . Wi h a da o go, i ha ddenl become nbea able. Since ha pa on Sa da nigh . Sma hing end-o he e lo el people ga e he . Reall ma hing. So, h i he feeling o bl e? Ah, ell, he hink o he elf, I e al a had a p oblem, a ing goodb e. She ha dl ha a momen o b ea he h o gh he da . So b . He e la da a hi place he ha called home he e en mon h pa . He e a he ni e i oo, man people an o alk abo he ip back home. If onl he kne . If onl he kne . E ci ed a he i abo he p o pec of eeing he famil , of going home, eeing he f iend , i h all ha . . . ill, a ing goodb e i no ea . Ne e ha been fo he . Tha i ha he doing no . Ho he i he e e bod o ld j fo ge he a going back home. B no. People in i on a ing goodb e, on gi ing he pa af e pa . The efo e, he i fo ced o ake lea e of he f iend , o ackno ledge he pain of pa ing. Bi e ee . Ho he i he he e e home al ead . B , of co e, befo e ha can happen, he ha o a goodb e o all he e dea , dea f iend , he e people of hom he ha g o n o fond. B pe hap he ill come back. Of co e, he ill come back, one da . A no oo fa -a a da oo, ha fo e. Ye , I can ee ho o n he m ha e fel . E ci ed and g ie ing. Happ and ad. A one and he ame ime. Fo he ame, he e ame, ea on.
Wedne da i a chool da . Ho e e , no one of m child en ill go o chool. Thi b den ome kno ledge I ca i h me a a o oi e ca ie he hell. B , i eigh m pi i do n. T o da ago, he Cong e of So h Af ican S den (COSAS) o de ed he chool child en o join Ope a ion Ba celona, a campaign he a i in ppo of hei eache ho a e on ike. S den e e ged o a a a f om chool, o b n ca and o d i e eac iona elemen o of he o n hip . Flin o inde . The den fell o e each o he o an e he call. No , an one ho di ag ee i h hem, he den label eac iona . Thi ha ck a k fea in man a b a e hea . One den leade ha p blicl anno nced, We i h o make i clea o he go e nmen ha e a e i ed of i ing i ho eache in o cla e . The e big-mo hed child en don kno an hing. The ha e no idea ho ha d life i ; and if he e no ca ef l, he ll end p in he ki chen and ga den of hi e home . . . j like , hei mo he and fa he . See ho he ll like i hen. A fo M oli i, I m no e e didn make a mi ake, ending him o he b h, la Decembe . B , he a of age. Wa old eno gh. Ho e e , ince coming back, in ead of ho ing imp o emen , he ha g o n la ie han e e . Wha e e he emo ed f om him a ci c mci ion, i ce ainl a n la ine o le ing hi foo hi he oad. Al ho gh he i al a b al a he la o ge o of bed, M oli i i al a he o lea e he ho e. And he a he b llie hi b o he and he gi l, he ha dl doe an of he cho e . Of en, nle he o he h o i o fo him, m h band and I ha e come back f om o k onl o nd he ba in in hich he a hed him elf in he mo ning ill holding ha di a e of hi . La bo . Fo e e gadding abo . Oh, e ! Tha i he one hing he i ne e la o do: going f om he home of hi f iend o ac ain ance o he home of ha one . . . on and on and on . . . he hole ble ed da . Seeing him do hi dail o nd , one o ld be e c ed in hinking he deli e milk o he e ho e and ge paid fo i . Thi da , M oli i lea e he ho e. He and a he ga e and ake a long look a he ee . Like a gene al e ing hi a mie , p and do n he ee he look . A hi le. Tha je k hi head p. F om he co ne , a a e of a m. He a e back and lo l a n e o he ga e. Ye , Bajita! he hail hi f iend . Ja, Mjita! he o he epl in cho . The g o p open p and allo him. In hei mid , he i lo . Yo co ldn ell him f om he o he no . Al ho gh he a e no ea ing hei chool nifo m, he clo he he ha e on a e o imila in colo , c , and he a he hang on hei long, li he and ca ele f ame ha he bo appea a ho gh he a e ea ing a nifo m of o . Like a gigan ic, man -limbed millipede, he g o p ell a i mo e p NY 1. The e i nei he ha e no da dling in he manne in hich i n me o fee ea p he di ance. H nched ho lde and nifo m long, agge ing ide a m ch abo he common p po e ha bind he g o p oge he , cemen he membe in o one cohe i e hole. B he ime i eache i de ina ion, S Ma Magdalene, co ne of NY 2 and NY 3, he g o p ha pli in o o eno mo b anche .
Yo da gh e i in he Uni e i cafe e ia. She i o nded b f iend . Man f iend . Among he e f iend a e h ee o ng Af ican omen, gi l f om he o n hip . I g e hi i he la ime e ee o ? one of he black f iend a k . Smiling e e dim a a pang of adne ab he hea . S ch a kind hea , hi f iend f om o e ea . Ha he no p omi ed o look in o he po ibili of chola hip fo hem? Migh be going o he US of A, ne ea . . . if all goe ell. A good pe on. She de e e be e han ea . Fa be e . The e ne momen , he gi l demeano b igh en . Thi i he f iend la da i h hem. I m no be ad . . . he m end he a a i h good memo ie : la gh e , no ea . B , So, hi i goodb e! a e ano he of he gi l . The hea of he o ng omen, o da gh e incl ded, a e hea . The e all loa h o a goodb e. Yo da gh e ha been a e good f iend, f ll of en h ia m and eage o lea n: he Xho a lang age, he Af ican dance , and he a of he people he e. She lea n o app ecia e he food he co n boa . . . e e hing. No a ace of a ogance in he . . . o f ll of childlike e . A good pe on, he f iend ill a of he , la e . Yo da gh e kno he p oblem he f iend f om he o n hip face. Al o, he o ld like o e end hi momen of a ing goodb e o hem a li le longe . Whe e he a , he e a e no phone and hen he a goodb e o hem no , i ill be fo good. Le e i ing i o edio . Mo eo e , i h po al deli e ch an i a ai in he acc ed o n hip , ho kno he he he d e e ge an le e e e he o i e hem? The chola hip ill ha e o be a anged h o gh UWC . . . onl a o keep in o ch i h he o n hip gang. She hea he elf bl : I ll ake o home. She canno belie e he ha aid ha . Yo ill? a k one of he f iend , in di belief. S e! an e o da gh e , con inced no hi i ome hing he ho ld do. B I can a . I ll j d op o g o . I don hink o, a L mka, ano he of he G g le io. Yo aid o ha e lo o do ill. B aking o o G g ill onl ake a fe min e , i j a de o . No! No! e can ake a a i, L mka i adaman . She i nea abo o da gh e , a hi e pe on af e all, going o he o n hip a hi ime of da la e af e noon, hen people e n f om o k and he e e el e hei da had aken hem. Ea lie , pe hap . B no hi la e. No, no hi la e. I in i ! Yo canno ef e me hi la i h, o da gh e joke . Oka , hen, L mka ac ie ce . She doe n an o be a poil po . Since he o he o gi l f om G g le do no help he in declining he o e , he nde and ha he an o be d i en home. The an o be i h hi f iend, ho i lea ing hem, j a li le longe . Yo da gh e gene o i ha endea ed he o man . She kno he ho ld no be doing hi . . . no i h all he packing he ill ha o do. Packing. And all he inn me able la -min e hing he ha o ee o: call and con m he igh and an po a angemen o he ai po ; call he f iend he ha no been able o ee fo he la ime; di connec he elephone; pa bill ; b he fe o anding p e en ( he had no idea ho man people back home he co n ed a f iend ho ho ld ge and e e p obabl e pec ing he o b ing hem ome hing f om So h Af ica). B ie , he onde ha ome o ld a e e he o ell hem of he le oman ic and do n igh ha d, ha d life of man of he people abo o ge he o e in hi co n ? Wo e han an hing he co ld po ibl imagine . . . fa o e han he had imagined befo e coming he e. She hake he head, blocking o ha end of ho gh . S ide e e being made. The e a hope. Uni e al f anchi e a all b g a an eed. Le go, no ! he a , aking a peek a he inne lef -hand i . Wh , hank o , he h ee gi l a in ni on. A of h g follo , fo mo of he people a o nd he able ill no be eeing o da gh e again. She lea e i h he h ee G g le omen and ano he f iend, a o ng man ho a no fa f om he e o da gh e a . He ll ide o of he o n hip i h he . . . he o ill ide back o Mo b a oge he .
No, m f iend , Re e end Mananga aid o he g o p of den . I m af aid oda , he Yo ng Women Manyano i mee ing he e hi af e noon. Al a doe , Wedne da . The e , a he hall a S Ma Magdalene, he Anglican Ch ch in G g le . E e Wedne da , he ei e a ed. The mini e ef al p he g o p in a anda . The d al ead been ef ed he e of he hall in he h ee local high chool . E en had he fo ced hei a in ( ome hing he ha e cce f ll done befo e) hi ime, he d ha e failed. In each chool, a police blockade ba ed hem en o he g o nd . The kne he mini e a elling he h. Mo of hei mo he belonged o he Women Manyano, hich me Th da . A fe had i e ho belonged o he o gani a ion he mini e all ded o. B ill he ied o ea on i h him. No, he mini e aid. He co ld no change he mee ing place of he Yo ng Women Manyano. No co ld he change he da o ho of hei mee ing. I a no p o him o change ch ch p og amme and p oced e . No, i o ld no do o le hem e he hall fo e en he half ho he e a befo e he gi l mee ing. The e bo co ld be n l and i ook ime o a ange he ea and p e e hing in o de once ned p ide do n. Reac iona ! omeone lo in he c o d, holle ed. A hich he man of God ha il hi pe ed ome hing o M oli i ea , befo e he bea a e ea . We can mee he e, omo o mo ning! M oli i old he g o p, e en a he mini e di appea ed in o he ec o . The e e e ome half-hea ed g mble , no hing e io . Taking he ime of da in o acco n , man ag eed ha mee ing ea l he ne da migh be mo e p o able, in an e en . Nine o clock, hen? Nine! Nine! he chime ang. The eaf e , he c o d b oke in o ong: Siyanqoba! We o e come! Doing he o i- o i, he half-ma ched, half-danced a a f om he p emi e . A li le hile la e , he ong changed o a call and e pon e chan : Ngubani lo? NguMandela! Uyintoni? Yinkokheli! The c and co n e -c a epea ed and he o nd elled and boomed o e he lo , licheno oof of he a ing ho e of G g le . The amo pho g o p pli in o o. To facili a e mobili he amoeba di ided i elf. O e and o e again, i plin e ed, b oke o , a li le g o p eached hei pa of he oad and b anched o , heading in di e en di ec ion , ome going home. M oli i g o p o i- o ied i a along NY 3, o a d NY 1. A he ang a d nea ed NY 1, all a once, i came o an ab p hal ; hi b familia cacophon : he c ackling of h ng ong e of e, b de o ing a ho e o a ehicle. The accompan ing hoa e- oiced chee ing of pec a o . The lo d h d- h dding of nning fee . Gal ani ed b he commo ion, he g o p opped inging. I opped o i- o ing. And an, ged fo a d a ho gh p lled b a gigan ic po e f l magne . The fo e of amping fee and ai - a ing a m h led along NY 3 ill i came o an ab p hal ; opped b he all- oo-familia b highl h illing pec acle. A he co ne of NY 1 and NY 3, a big an a doing a lo - mo ion dance o he himme ing h hm of o ange and ed ame ca e ing i . On clo e look, ho gh, he an a ill. The mo emen , mi age, an op ical ill ion. Onl he eage o ange ong e f olicked all a o nd i , licking i , con ming i , making i look a ho gh i e e haking and hi e ing. E en a he pec a o held hei b ea h, e e popping, he an appea ed o a , ee e and fal e d nkenl . Then, embling ill, i h a deep c ackling igh, do n i en , lo l lo e ed i elf ill i fell on i knee a ho gh in p a e . B hi ime, he f on heel e e comple el gone hile ho e a he back emained in ac . Ho e e , a momen la e , he oo ca gh ame. & SONS. No and hen, a he of bl e and hi e le e peeped and inked f om be een he b , eage ong e of ame . A long ilen c eam i ed f om he gaping, a aged doo - o in n mbe ; he e hile doo omeone had enched open and h o gh hich no hick black moke belched and in ima e ong e ca e ed, da ed and leap , ea ching he mo hidden co ne and c e ice of he fallen ehicle; la hing, licking. F om he deb i all a o nd he f nace, i a ob io ha ha e e he an had ca ied had long ago been loo ed. Wha d o hink hi an a deli e ing? a ked Sa i, a lie enan in he g o p. A k he d i e , e o ed L a i, one of M oli i a nch follo e . Tho e ho hea d hi la ghed. The d i e of a deli e an a he a ge in he e ca e of loo ing and b ning. D i e ei he ed o ood in g a e dange of being f ied ali e in ide hei ehicle . The d i e of hi an, i a clea , had cho en he op ion, di c e ion. P obabl making a deli e o he TB clinic he e, aid ano he membe of he g o p, icking hi head o a d he hi e b ilding anding no fa f om he cene. Thi a he G g le An i- T be c lo i Clinic. The e good abo gi ing medicine o gh TB, aid L a i. B no book o good eache . TB i ca ching, don o kno ha ? a ked Sa i. The boe a e ca ed e ll gi e i o hem. Since o mo he o k in hei ho e , if e all ge TB, hen he ill ge i oo. J hen, police i en o nded. M oli i g o p needed no f he a ning. The police o ld hoo and a k e ion la e - ha i , if he a ked an e ion a all. To he police, hoe e a i hin nee ing di ance of he b ning an o ld be pec n mbe one. Fa , he g o p made i elf ca ce, lea ing behind he c ackling of b ning me al a he an eemed o mel and all colo di appea . The e i ood, a blank-faced himme ing h lk pain ed g n-me al g e , eaked black b he eage lick of he e cel in ima e ame . & SONS oo a gone. Had o all di appea ed. Vani hed f om i cha ed ank . On clo e look, ho gh, i co ld be een, blanched like he pic e on a pho og aphe nega i e.
The o g o p had ea lie a anged ha ho e ill alking o h econnoi e a he NY 7 Spo Field. Tha i he e ha emained of M oli i g o p headed. A did he emnan of he o he g o p, ho e membe had fa ed m ch be e . A i happened, he had al o come ac o a ehicle ha had been hijacked. B , in hei ca e, he e e able o ca enge f om he ic im, a mea deli e an. The g o p hen held a b ief, info mal mee ing and ha ed ha in elligence he had ga he ed on hei a o hi ende o . Se e al membe of he econd g o p al o ha ed he p i ed poil . The eaf e , he hole once mo e pli , hi ime, acco ding o hich a he membe home la . Some alked o h, o he poin ed hei no e ea a d. A he e plin e en along, he di ided and bdi ided e en f he a he e and he e a fe b oke a a o channel hem el e h o gh he b - a and o he in b an ial ide ee of G g le . M oli i g o p, m ch dimini hed no , con in ed o h a d. S ddenl ene gi ed, he en back o he ea lie o i- o i: Ngubani lo? NguMandela! Ngubani lo? NguSobukhwe! Baziintoni? Ziinkokheli! Singing and half-ma ching, half-dancing, he ended hei a do n in he di ec ion of he Police S a ion, al a an e ci ing, an ali ing occ ence. Who kne ha mood he pig migh be in? The e a al a he po ibili of po ing i h hem.
Yo da gh e and he fo f iend each he ca . She open he doo , idle ide a in, eache o e and open he pa enge doo . All aboa d? The ca glide o of he pa king pace. She manoe e i o , n , le el o and lo l p he fo a d. A he d i e o of he camp , a dden h h fall in he ca . Thi i n ehea ed lea e- aking. I a no planned. B each of he e o ng people in he ello Ma da ilen l ga e a he pa ing cene; aking ock and mea e of ha i i he e e eco d ; delibe a el holding he image, le ing i linge long in he mind e e, cking i afel a a , o ing i . Fo al a . The each he high a . A ilen le ing o , an ea ing of ho lde , a p i a e, ina dible igh. Fo each. Ano he da i done. Onl , fo all, hi i a ma ked da . A da i h a ing la ea on. A da ha pell clo e. Hea a a p i on doo .
M oli i g o p o nd a bend in he oad. A p a ling g e i h- hi e b ilding hi he e e. Yekelela! Yekelela, Mjita! Ea e o , b o he , ea e o ! L mko, a lank , olemn-looking o ng man of M oli i age and one of hi ma e in he b h, he ea j pa , ca ion . A once, he fe o of he dance ep die do n. So doe pi ch of ong. The a ning ha d edged mo of ho i c deed in ha b ilding. Uncon cio memo ake eign. In he middle of he nigh , blood-c dling c eam ha e been hea d coming f om i . A f l hing e e aid o happen o ho e d agged he e b he police. Te ible, e ible hing , ome, o e han dea h. Of co e, dea h oo happened he e. Of co e. The e i a ligh pa e a he ligh , a fe me e pa he Police S a ion. The g o p i pli ing fo he nigh . The Langa c o d di c e , b o ain? The e ha e b hei fee o ee hem home. F om hi poin on, no one li e mo e han f een min e a a , a he e o ide. Of he Langa g o p, a igni can n mbe i lef a hi co ne . The ha e op ed fo he b . Tho e ho a e aking he ain con in e alking i h he G g le Sec ion 3 c o d, do n NY 1 and o a d Ne eg, he nea e ain a ion a hi j nc e. The o g o p ill pli a he ne co ne .
The ello Ma da en e G g le , o e he o h b idge nea he colo ed o n hip of Mon ana. A he momen of epa a ion app oache , con e a ion fal e . To a d o he a k a dne and h ea ening ea , he gi l b eak o in o ong, he mood of he momen gi ing licen e: We ha e o e come! We ha e o e come! We ha e o e come, oda -a-a-aa ! Fo deep, in o hea , We did belie e We o ld o e come, one da ! Af e o o h ee o nd , ho e e , he ong pe e o and he g o p i ilen once mo e, each pe on m lling o e p i a e ho gh .
M oli i g o p ha eached he poin of nal epa a ion. One block no h of he app oaching ca , a he co ne of NY 1 and NY 109, mo of he o ng people b eak o and make a lef n. The a ion lie ha a . Ho e e , he ha e ha dl alked en ep hen a c ank hem back o NY 1. Back he n, he magne oo po e f l fo hei omach , h ng fo e ci emen . The each he co ne he d b o la el lef . Do n NY 1, o he lef , a a m i ab . In i mid , igh in he middle of he oad, he ee ha look like a ca . Di c l o ell, he a i i comple el o nded; he a m g o ing e en a he n o a d i . In he m l , pa che of ello peep and ink; appea , di appea and eappea . Onl o blink a a again. The ca i mall. The c o d o all eclip ing i i ild and h nde o , chan ing and c eaming, abbing ai . Fi ai ed o a d he bl e, n miling hea en . 3 5.15 m Wed e da 25 A g 1993
Mand ! M Nel on c eam . Tha i ha he hi e oman I o k fo call me: Mand . She a he can a m name. Sa he can a an of o na i e name beca e of he click . M name i Mandi a. MA-NDI-SA. Do o ee an click in ha ? An a , hi da , he e he come , he e e on alk . G ab o bag, I m aking o o he a ion, he a . No i i m n o be a oni hed. Wha ha come in o he head? B , Madam, I a , I m ill cooking. I am no a li le p i ed, I can ell o . Af e all, hi i Wedne da , a da on hich I do no ge o lea e hi place ill a la e a eigh o clock mo ime . I canno imagine ha ha come o e he , fo he o ell me I ho ld lea e o k ea l . On Wedne da , oo. U all , on hi da he make e I no onl cook and e e dinne b a h he la de e poon befo e I can lea e. Be ha a i ma , I am no complaining, ho gh. In ome a , hi i al o he be da of m o k eek. Wedne da m mlungu oman da o , if o can imagine ha . A oman ge a da o hen he ne e doe an o k a o nd hi ho e. B I m no complaining. Indeed, I look fo a d o he da o almo a m ch a I elcome mine on S nda . Wedne da , I can b ea he in ead of ha ing M Nel on b ea hing do n m neck e e min e of he ble ed da : Mand , do hi ! Mand , do ha ! Mand , come he e! Mand , go he e! Ho e e , on Wedne da , all mo ning long I am f ee a ai . Fi , he goe o he g m. She a i a big hall he e e e bod j mp p and do n o he ill no ge old o ick o fa . Madam e ca ed of ge ing old. And he hink he can op old coming o he . She doe n kno i come ie l , hen he fa a leep, o hen he b ea ing all ho e zimuncumuncu ha he like o m ch. She doe n e en ake he o gi l o chool. M Thomp on f om p he oad doe ha , and b ing hem back af e chool. Madam doe he ame fo he on F ida . I g e ha M Thomp on da o . Madam ell me ha af e all ha j mping p and do n and he nning, he ge o h ng he co ld ea a ho e. So ha doe he do? Thi pe on ho i o af aid of ge ing fa ? Wh , he ha b eakfa i h he be f iend, Mi Joan, ho ne e ma ied. Mi Joan i j he ame a he no-ma omen of he ch ch, he n n . B , ag hame, i o ad abo Mi Joan. So ad. Madam old me ho Mi Joan o ng man go killed in he a of he Boe . On he la da oo, he poo hing. So Mi Joan a ed Mi Joan e en ho gh all he hai i goa -hai hi e, like he p i in Jik o Ja el, he o e o bleach o hi e no hi e. And he ha a e a an all he o n. A nice one oo, Madam a . Of co e, I o ldn kno an hing abo ha . Ho co ld I? Unle e o k he e, e ne e go o e a an o ho el o an nice place like ha . B he food in Mi Joan e a an m be nice. Ve good. Look ho fa Mi Joan i and look ho happil nhapp he food make m mlungu oman. One da I old he he m ge nice and fa like Mi Joan. Madam a o ang he amped he foo . Mand ! he aid, I ill ne e ge that fa ! Tha i hen he old me abo he o ng man Mi Joan a going o ma b ho a killed in he a . Af e b eakfa , Madam and he f iend mee and go hopping. The ha e l nch, and pla b idge hen he e done i h ha . Tha i he da o . She ne e ee he home ha hole long da . Tha i al o he e he da o and mine a e alike. B he ime he ge home, i i dinne ime. Whee ! he ill a , h o ing he elf do n on he li ing- oom ofa, Am I e ha ed! Al a , he come back e ha ed f om he da o . Al a . Me? I j gi e a g n , h g m ho lde , and go on i h he eal and e ha ing o k I ha e o do. If he an o ee e ha ed, he ho ld ee me on m da o . Indeed, on m da o , I hink I o k ha de and longe of all eek. Thi Wedne da , ho e e , he e i M Nel on b ing in i h he ange and ill alk of m going home j a I am b la ing he dinne able. F e h o e f om he ga den: I make he ho e chee f l, he al a a . And a man come ice a eek o do no hing b he ga den. I i p ac ice ha I p a f e h a e on he dining- oom able e en if all he e i in ha a e i lea e . I m almo done cooking. Dinne i a i ha p, ain o hine. Going o he c pboa d fo he ai in , I look a he g e -faced clock on he all and hink: Ma e ho ld be back an min e no . Then Madam ill come p ng and h ng, e ed, j befo e dinne . She al a la e f om he b idge. E cep oda . I i j a I po o a c p of ai in o e he ice in he colande , elling m elf ha Ma e ill be he e an min e no , ha he clang-clang! of he ga e a Madam ca goe o e he i on g a e hi m ea . The ai in pill on o he co n e . Q ickl , I ga he p he a and hem in m ap on pocke . She ha e a e. B did I hea igh ? I ha he ca ? I m i e p i ed a hi . Bo h he coming back befo e Ma e and he h he g a e c be a . O dina il , he le he ca glide ea il o e i . No oda . Toda , he i po i i el ing. One o ld hink omeone old he he ho e a on e. B befo e I ha e ni hed ha ho gh , ha foo ep bea a acca o on he long ood- oo pa age leading o he ki chen. Thi i ano he p i e, fo I did no hea he ca doo clo e. Ne hing I kno , M Nel on come ailing in o he ki chen. And he doe no a k abo he child en. She al a a k abo hem. Did M Thomp on b ing hem o e ? A e he all igh ? I e e hing all igh ? She al a a k abo he child en befo e an hing el e. E en befo e he a k abo he elephone me age , he a k abo he child en o goe o hem . No oda . I i hen ha I no ice ha he engine of he ca i ill nning. M , I hink, m , he e i in one big h . . . he e i . . . no o e en n he ca engine o . No , no do b , eeing he look of e pefac ion ha ha pain ed i elf on m face a he e going on, Madam nod he head e e al ime and a he igo o l . Then he p : T o ble in G g le , m gi l! I hink o d be e go. E en a he i a ing ha , he i al ead ning a o nd and making fo he doo . Come! he a , iding along he pa age, he hoe going klap- klop! klap-klop! on he ooden oo . I ll n o do n o he a ion! No all do b lea e me. I kno he e m be big, big o ble, fo madam i no complaining a all. No abo ho m ch food he a e. O ho i ed he i . O all he o k I m lea ing he i h. On he da o oo. Wha o ble, Madam? M oice o nd ange o m ea . Too high. S eak . M mo h i bone d . B he i calling o o he child en. He , Gang! he ho . She doe no ai fo hei epl o appea ance, ho e e , b coo o he ca . In a ma e of min e , he ha b ndled me in o he Kombi. Tell o fa he I e aken Mand o he a ion, he ell a he e e e he ca do n he d i e a , o e he g a e, o of he ga e. I hope he child en hea d he . I i a g im-faced oman i ing behind he heel. I a ch he : a mall ma ble i pla ing hide and eek along he ja line. I e ne e een Madam i e like hi . She i p e each ime ome hing happen in G g le . And he e da , ome hing i al a happening in G g le . O in Langa. O N anga. Since he choolchild en a ed bo co ing cla e , a back in 76, hen he io in So e o came do n o Cape To n. A g of 76. Madam i no aking me o G g le , he o n hip he e I li e. She ne e ake me o G g le . Whi e people a e no allo ed o go he e. We each he b e min nea he a ion and nd pandemoni m king.
The e e e e gigan ic col mn of an di bed in o di a a . In a f en , people p hed and ho ed, ing e e hich a o make hei a in o he b e . The e ac i i e ealed a de pe a ion, a deep di on he pa of ho e ai ing on he b line . The did no belie e he o ld be ade a el e ed. O e ed imeo l . O e ed a all. The e e a a me a ai , no nlike he in e ine of a pig ha child en a e oa ing o e an open e: j mbled and conf ed and e e he e all a once. Sna che of con e a ion con e ed he ame an ie and e le ne . The oman ne o hom I a anding, a all, la ge oman, black- kinned and mall-e ed, ello ban on he head, ned o me and, lo l haking he head, ol n ee ed, Bekuse kukudala kakade! T o hole eek i h no o ble in G g le . Wha ha happened, no ? I e ned, hing fo info ma ion. She migh kno mo e han I did, hich a ne o no hing. Madam Some hing happened in G g le ! a ha dl a ne b lle in. I don kno , he oman aid and added ha people ge ing o he G g le b e , ho d j come f om he e, aid he choolchild en e e io ing. So, ha ne ? The ho gh plopped i elf in o m mind. Ha en e li ed i h he e child en io ince 76? Wha a e he io ing fo no ? I a no a li le p e . And ang . Mo e ang han p e , if h be kno n. The e an o child en ha e become, po e c a ed, a he d op of a ha , he make he e of en ab d demand on , hei pa en . No Going to Work! No School! Stay Away from the Grocery Shops! Don’t drink white man’s liquor! Don’t buy red meat! I, fo one, ha e had i p o he e, i h all hi non en e. P e ed and p hed f om all ide , I allo ed he c o d o p opel me fo a d, m fee ha dl o ching he g o nd. A I ode on igh - packed bodie , he fee c ed nkno n and nma ched ankle . Hand g abbed o he elbo and d g in o nf iendl ho lde . The e e co ed b ea bea d melling of Lion Lage bee , g ea and ma ed hai , he o ghened face of h eadba e coa . The e e cold- limed b he n iped no e of li le child en on he back of mo he . Th did I lide m a fo a d. Pa ed along f om bodie o bodie , i h no oli ion o di ec ion on m pa . On and on I en , oa ing and b mping m a fo a d and nea e and nea e o he b . Inch b b mp inch. I cl ched m bag igh again m bo om. H gged i a ho gh i e e a ne -bo n babe. O a lo e ne l e ned f om a long in in he gold mine of Johanne b g. If, in he pandemoni m, he bag ho ld fall, I migh a ell ki i goodb e. Finall , I gained he b . Wa h led, headlong, on o he doo a . Wi h m igh hand, I g abbed he pole a he doo fo ppo , m bag a again m che ill, he lef a m ec el apling i he e. The long na o pa age be een he o o of ea had become a be, a gian a age ca ing and e, minced mea , ed piecemeal do n i . Sho ed o he back. Sho ed again he knee and elbo icking o of ho e ho, mi ac lo l , had managed o nd hem el e en conced in ea . Do n he pa age e agge ed he be e co ld. We de ni el e e no moo h ng: l mp , i i able, ha d-edged and co ling a one ano he . A di inc l nea mi . E e he e b e e he e, ome hing ake p oom, ll he gap , a e all ci c la ion. Elbo , fa ng f om hei bodie , head ha appea imila l g o e el di loca ed, i ed and o n pla ic bag f om hich p o de and pill nd i em of g oce ie : ha d-edged ba of oap, bo le of cooking oil, packe of candle ha a e no b oken and caking and aking and c mbling o ha he hin hi e ick in he middle i e ealed dangling, limp and lifele , packe of bean and amped mealie ain o and on o he oo . On he a e occa ion I can mo e a foo , he hoe c nche on g an le on he oo of he b . S ga ? No, bigge . Samp? Can be, m ch moo he . Ama ing ho m ch one can ell . . . j f om feeling he face of hing benea h one be- hod foo . Cle e he a e, a en he ? The fee , I mean. Ne e kne he co ld ell me o m ch. Ne e eali ed o m ch co ld be con e ed in hi manne . M oli i egg ! M hea ank. In he of m lea ing, I d clean fo go en m p omi e of he mo ning. J a ell. Whe e o ld he e egg be in hi me ? The packed b g oan nde he eigh of all he e ea bodie . The a G g le i comple el o nded . . . Sa acen e e he e! The b d i e ell abo e he din of di co dan oice . Doe he eall hope o be hea d? B he i pe i en and, indeed, oon ge e l . The e i a l ll in he b and man face ain in hi di ec ion. When did all hi a ? a k a facele man in ha c o d. When e lef , j no , a he d i e , he police e e a e e en ance in G g le . . . Big o ble he e, I ell o . The d i e o d b o gh back madam . . . o ble in G g le , m gi l. T o ble i , he e i al a o ble in G g le . . . of one kind o ano he . . . ince he go e nmen p oo ed f om all o e he ho : all a o nd Cape To n loca ion , b b , and o he of i en i on , and d mped on he a id, ind ep , and Fla . M imp e ion of he place a e ill i id in m mind, e ched in ide m e elid , f e h oda a he e e all ho e man ea ago hen I a ill b a child, no e en en . . .
No big, miling ign elcome he ange o G g le . I g e e en accompli hed lia do ha e ome limi . Thi place i like a in of a dine b he people ho b il i fo called i G g le , O P ide. The people ho li e in O P ide call i G g labo Thei P ide. Who o ld ha e an gugu abo a place like hi ? I a ea l mo ning hen m famil go he e, ea l in 1968. Ho m e e e e a a l ed b he pandemoni m. People choking he mo ning ee . People e e he e o looked. S a dog . Peddle . Child en oaming he ee aimle l e en in ha ea l ho . And hen he fo e of ho e . A g e , nending ma of a ing c e . Ugl . Impe onal. Cold o he e e. Mo i h hei doo clo ed. Af aid. G g le i bo h big and mall. The place p a l a fa a e e can ee. I i a . Tha j mp igh a o hen o ee G g le fo he ime. All ha pace. B e en a o look o ddenl eali e ha i ill be ha d fo o o nd an place he e o can p o foo do n. Conge ed. A fa a e e can ee. H nd ed and h nd ed of ho e . Ro and o , cea ele l b ea hing on each o he . Tin ho e h ddled clo e oge he . Leaning again each o he , p hing a each o he . Sad mall ho e c o ned i h g a and a n miling oof . Lo a ho gh ained ne e o d eam high d eam . Opp e ed b all ha o nd hem . . . b all ha i ed in o hem . . . b he e manne of hei concep ion. And, in n, p e ing do n ha d on ho e hom, hamele p e ence a ed, he e e o p o ec and hel e . The ee a e na o , deb i - lled, f ll of g llie ali e i h ie , mo i oe , and nd e min h i ing in he pool of agnan a e ha a e abo he onl hing ha ne e d ie p and ne e ani he in G g le . F om mo ning ill nigh , agged-clo hed child en ade he e pool , pla ing in hem, m dd ing each o he , d edging hem fo p ecio ea e, he o of he child en of he ee : bo le , can , he pi and peel of f i and ege able, c ap of food and an hing el e he can la hei hand on. Fo mo , hi i hei onl chool, hei pla g o nd. F om he e da in hi place, ho di e en e e hing appea ed. Di e en f om ho e had been in Blo lei, ho e had done hing in ha belo ed place e called home. He e, e e hing changed. I a no a if people didn . B ho can one elcome a neighbo and ho he he a of a place hen one i al o ne he e? Tha a pa of he p oblem: hi h o ing oge he of o man , man people, all a once, in o a ne place. All of hem ne in he place. All of hem ill g ie ing, ea ning fo he place he e e fo ced o lea e. All of hem i h no hea fo he ne place, ha ing lef hei hea in hei e hile home : Blo lei; V g ond; Adde lei; Winde me e; Simon o n; S eenbe g; Di ic Si ; a ell a man pocke of eal b b , he e p edominan l hi e people li ed. F om no on, onl hi e people o ld li e in ho e place , place f om hich Af ican and Colo ed and Indian had been d i en o . The go e nmen had decided ha e iden ial a ea o ld be eg ega ed, ic l o, and b la . None hele , people ied o follo he le b hich he had li ed befo e coming o hi place. A lea , in he beginning he did. I a ha d ho gh. When e a i ed he e, i a o nd ha no eno gh ho e had been b il . Man familie had o p p hack on he hi e, hi e and ha aid he ea had i hd a n f om hi a ea onl e e da . Bleak. Unable o hold do n an hing, no e en ild g a . In no nce ain e m , he coa e, nf iendl and old no hing o ld e e g o in ch a place. I o ld ake a h nd ed ea of people li ing on i o g o nd he and and ample ome life in o i o ha i o ld ppo plan and animal. M famil a among he man , man nfo na e , people f om ho e hack no hing co ld be al aged. A he o ch of hamme , o hack had impl di in eg a ed, j ned o bble. Un able bble hich he ck of he go e nmen con in ed o a en like o man bi d ne o n o bo gh and ng do n b a o nado. Yo ill ea ha I ea and leep he e I leep, o a o people, making he ange feel he i ne e b den ome o he famil . Sadde of all a V o mo he , Si L l . On he da of he mo e he had gi en bi h o in and he h band a a a , a ea. Si L l li le famil had o be pli a he had no he e o a . I a e happ ha Mama ook he on, V o, o a i h . I a like ha ing a li le b o he . Ta Nonja ikhali, ho had nei he ife no child en, ag eed o gi e hi bed p fo Si L l and he li le in bo , o he a ed in hi hack. Mean hile, he f ni e and o he hing he didn need a a ma e of genc , e e di ided among e e al people, all he fo me neighbo . The o ld keep hem fo he ill he co ld b ild he o n hack o he go a Co ncil ho e, hiche e came . And he e e e people ppo ed o b ild ho e hack fo hem el e ? Whe e? He e, aid he go e nmen poin ing o he pe iphe of he ne conc e e o n hip, he e in i b ilding he Co ncil o ke had d mped ef e and pl ma e . He e, i aid, p p o hack and ai in hem n il mo e ho e ha e been b il fo o . The a ho i ie had nde e ima ed he n mbe of Af ican in Cape To n and he e l ing ho ing ho age agg a a ed an al ead n enable i a ion. Of co e, he go e nmen a no pa ing fo he foll of i mi calc la ion. Tha , and he hope of an ea l e cape en ed ha he ha il -b il hack o ld be e en mo e icke han ho e e had lef . . . fo ced o lea e. Who o ld in e hi ha d-ea ned age in he b ilding of a hack he go e nmen o ld oon fo ce him o ea do n? Th did m famil , along ide ho and of familie f om Blo lei a ell a o he pa of Cape To n, nd i lo fa f om imp o ed in he ake of he go e nmen Sl m Clea ance p ojec . We e e no ill li ing in hack ? Mo eo e , he e befo e e had been membe of olid, ell-kni comm ni ie , no e e e among ange , people e did no kno f om a ba of oap. Ho e e , in he e e of he go e nmen he p oblem belonged a el on he ho lde of he Af ican. The e e e j oo man Na i e , aid he go e nmen . Ho a ha i fa l ? To add o he ha d hip of li ing in hack , a icio , gale-fo ce ind ble cea ele l h o gh he a ea. B da , i hipped and ill i bi in o kin on face, a m and leg ; go in o hai , in o e e , in o food, in o he clo he on he line, in o each and e e nook in ho e o hack. B nigh , i ho led and ailed and h ieked like he de pai ing oice of lo o l . In fac , ome aid ha e hea d of nigh e e he oice of Mala la e lo in a hip ecked he eabo , hen he a ea a ill all ea. Wha e e i a , he elen le ind ble he and e e he e. Da and nigh , i ble . We ep and ep and ep , b ill he and o ld no lea e alone. We ha ed o f agile home i h i . E e da . A eminde of ho e had been ep in o hi ho ling place again o ill. Ye . . . m ch again o ill. No oone had e e led in, o o peak, han a ne p oblem c opped p hen chool eopened, la e ha Sep embe . Blo lei had boa ed b one chool. G g le had, a lea , a do en. In Blo lei, egi e ing a child fo chool had al a onl en ailed aking ha child b he hand o chool, come opening da . He e, o ine pe ienced mo he a med ha hei child en o ld a oma icall go o hiche e chool he eache f om hei old chool had been a igned. And pe hap hi ho ld ha e been o, had he Depa men of Ban Ed ca ion, nde hich ho e eache e ed, had a em. A he be of ime ha depa men a n in a chao ic manne and he e e e no he be of ime . The in of ho and of familie in o G g le o ld ha e been p oblema ic o he mo ema ic of o gani a ion . No one had e e acc ed he Depa men of Ban Ed ca ion of being ha . Pandemoni m eigned on chool opening da . Blo lei mo he ocked o V ani Highe P ima School and Songe e Lo e P ima School. And ha a beca e mo of he eache f om Blo lei had been a igned o ho e o chool . When he e e me i h ejec ion, he eache he e a ing he had al ead e ceeded he n mbe pe mi ible nde go e nmen eg la ion, he mo he e e ala med. The o and o panicked, hen he e e ned a a b eache he did no kno , eache i h ange name f om o he pa of Cape To n. Blo lei e iden had a med he o ld be able o keep hei comm ni , mo e o le , in ac . I a a hock o hem o nd ha , hile i a e fo mo , no all hei eache e e in he e o chool , in hei mind de igna ed fo Blo lei child en. Indeed, he e e e eache f om Blo lei ho had been aken o o he chool , a he Depa men a . F om chool o chool o pa en en , oaming he ee of G g le , looking fo chool on ee he d ne e befo e e foo . F om chool o chool, onl o be gi en he ame n elcome ne : kugcwele kwesi sikolo I i f ll in hi chool. Me cif ll , beca e bo h Kha a and I e e ch good den , o eache neaked in, ing ha , a hing e led, ome of ho e en olled o ld fall a a . Mama a g ea l elie ed a he n of e en and ha m b o he and I e e able o be in he ame chool, and i h o eache , a V ani. Ho e e , hen I came o chool he ne da , a de a akening a ai ed me. Ve fe of he child en f om Blo lei e e in m ne chool. None of hem, in m cla . A none of m f iend li ed an he e nea he e e li ed, I had lo all m f iend . M ne chool, en ime bigge han he chool in Blo lei, had h nd ed of child en mo e, none of hom I kne . I a comple el be ilde ed. Lo . In ha ea of ange face , I a alone. I did no belong. Hi he and hi he , a gale-fo ce ind had e n , cha a he hand of a mad inno e . Mama did no an o hea an moaning abo m no ha ing f iend a chool. Co n o ble ing , he aid. Do o kno ho man child en o ld j lo e o change place i h o ? Change place i h me? Change place i h me? I d ha e done an hing o change place i h hem. Mama lack of mpa h onl added o m mi e . I ha ed chool and en ied ho e child en he pi ied. Wha had he done o be ha l ck ? To me, he p o pec of loa ng he e of he ea a a a i e appealing. Wha I didn kno hen, of co e, a ha ome of ho e child en o ld ne e go back o chool again. O he ho, like Kha a and me, e e l ck eno gh o gain admi ion o a chool, oon fo nd he ne ne oo m ch and pla ed an . F om hi g o p oo, he e e e ho e ho o ld g ad all d if a a f om chool . . . and e en all lea e fo good. To hi da , he e a e no eno gh chool o eache in G g le o accommoda e all he child en. Yo hea d me alk abo Ope a ion Ba celona, j no . The e ne e ha been eno gh of an hing in o chool . The efo e, man of he child en, e en oda , do no go o chool. The e a e no eno gh mo he d ing he da o fo ce he child en o go o chool and a he e fo he hole da . The mo he a e a o k. O he a e d nk. Defea ed b life. Dead. We die o ng, he e da . In he ime of o g andmo he and hei g andmo he befo e hem, Af ican people li ed o ee hei g ea -g ea -g andchild en. Toda , one i l ck o ee a g andchild. Unle , of co e, i i a g andchild ho e a i al i an abomina ion he child en o child en a e ge ing befo e e e en pec he ha e come of child-bea ing age. Good hing a e ca ce in G g le . The place boa no ee, no o e , no animal e cep he mang , di ca ded and o ne le dog ha oam he leng h and b ead h of he o n hip b da and b nigh , p e ing ef e bin a he fo age fo c ap of food. B ho e oo a e ha d o come b . The e i no ha de l ck fo a dog han o be a a in a place of poo people. Wha i ch a dog o bene , hen he people hem el e gna and che bone o po de , ck in he la bi of j ice he ef om befo e pi ing o he ele p lp ma e ? Wha can i de pe a e ca enging e e ield he poo m ? I kno ha fo ea m hea ea ned fo Blo lei. Mama Mandila e koek. The S o m B eake , o gb eam, and he game Kha a ook me o a ch. Ta a Mapheka isityhwentywe. M dea f iend i h hom I pla ed ikula, j mp ope, and pop-pie huis. Fo ea , I mo ned he lo of m f iend and e hile pla ma e i h hom I en imming in he dam on ho mme da , and i h hom I ha ed go ip in he hel e of he co ne of o home on f o in e e ening . M hea bled fo m elf and ha I d lo , and fo all ho e million ha had lo hei home . All ho e li e del di p ed, me cile l pl cked f om hea h and he familia . Tha ea of hack fo e e ilenced. To hi da , I ill emembe ho e la ghed hen he mo of ma emo al ci c la ed among . The mo ha came of l , hi pe ed i h a k-naked di belief, aken a he a ing of a man no al oge he he e, ligh l di mi ed. Ye , e en oda e ill la gh ad la gh , emembe ing o innocen inc ed li . O inabili o imagine ce ain fo m of e il, he cope and dep h of ome ain of hle ne . We la gh, o hide he gaping hole he e o hea ed o be. G g le killed . . . killed he hing ha held oge he . . . made h man. Ye , e ill la gh. We lef Blo lei in ea , fo lo n and be ef in o lo . We e e agg ie ed ane hen e came o G g le , fo o e a ai ed he e. Blo lei a an hone - o-goodne in hack place. No p e ence. No fooling. G g le o ld ha e o hink i i a ho ing de elopmen , ci ili ed, be e beca e of being made of conc e e, comple e i h gla indo . B e li ed in Blo lei beca e e an ed o li e he e. Tho e e e hack e had b il o el e , i h o o n hand . . . b il hem he e e an ed hem, i h each p oge he acco ding o he i he , him and mean of i o ne . The people he e, a ell-kni comm ni . Kno ing each o he : kno ing all he child en, kno ing ho e ife a oman a , kno ing he e each man o ked, he e he o hipped, ha d ink he p efe ed. We came he e and e e conf on ed and confo nded b all he e e ible condi ion : he lo of o f iend , he di ance o pa en had o a el o and f om o k, he high fa e e had o pa going o and f om place i h decen food hopping. And hen he e a he deadening nifo mi of G g le ho e . Had i no been fo he eng h of he h man pi i , e o ld all ha e pe i hed. The e ho e an n elie ed mono on of d abne ; ha h and nca ing in he manne of alloca ion, admini a ion and main enance co ld no b kill he o l of ho e ho inhabi ed hem. Fo ome, ho gh, he a idi a o be f he agg a a ed: fo ome ea on, he mall, inade a e, gl conc e e ho e eemed o loo en ie among ho e ho d elled in hem.
Sa e o gh ing eng h fo he o n hip! An anon mo oice lace a e he ilence in he b . The e i eal gh ing he e, oda , i ing o . Who gh ing? a k ano he , al o nkno n and nkno able in ha j ngle of bodie . The e change pene a e he fog. M ea an ennae, I come p fo ai . Appea he e a a gh . The choolchild en bea p he den f om he ni e i . . . hi one of he boesmans, in Bell ille. I canno g e o ha he man i elling me. Wh o ld he choolchild en gh i h colo ed ni e i den ? Whe e a he connec ion? A hea ed deba e follo , people appo ioning blame a p e en f om lo ing g andpa en . I no like ha a all, h illed one oice. A o ng man hi ime, f om he o nd of i . Wha no like ha ? a k a oman oice. G a ell . She m be he mo he of man child en, I ell m elf. Whole da long, he ha o cold hem and no he oice ha g o n like ha . Like he o nd of he o d he mo h m h o o man , man ime each da . A e o elling he d i e l ing? He j come f om G g le , h ho ld he lie o ? G a el- oice ha gone h ill a ho gh he e e e ci ed o ang o bo h. I m no a ing he l ing, he o ng man eplied. B I a he e . . . I a ha happened. The hole b opped b ea hing. Head ned. Hand holding on o he ppo ing od fell o e e eplaced a people eadj ed hei bodie he be e o ee he o ce of he kno ledgeable oice. Khawutsho! We a e all ea , e e al oice aid a once. Then ano he ilence fell. A h h. The o ble i in Sec ion 3, en ed he o ng man. A ca ca ing UWC den a oned, o e ned and e aligh . Who did he oning? G a el- oice a back. I didn ake do n hei name , he o h h e back. Awu! he oman ejac la ed. Toda child en ha e no e pec a all fo hei elde , he aid, clea l hing fo mpa h f om he o he pa enge , he e ad l e e he a majo i . S ch in olence! he ni hed, o accompan ing comm nal cl cking of ong e and cking of ee h. B ha a a m ch ppo a he go . Whe e, in Sec ion 3? an old man lo , high-pi ched oice a k . Good e ion. M b ea h held back, I li en. M ea e e b ning. Ri le an in he palm of m hand . Sec ion 3. Tha he pa of G g le in hich I li e. Righ b he ga age nea he b idge going o of he o n hip, eplied he o ng man. In ead of ea ing m an ie , he an e pl nged me deepe in o he hell of nce ain . The de c ip ion ed o b idge . Did he kno ha he a alking abo ? Which of he o? Which b idge? Which? M mind n o m child en. Did he go o chool, oda ? No. We e he home? All h ee? I a pa ic la l o ied abo he bo , e peciall M oli i. He i he one ho eem al a o fo ge o ge back f om hi ande ing befo e hei fa he e n f om o k. Wha doe he an , oaming he ee of G g le b da and b nigh ? Thi i ha D ad a of en a k me. A k me, a ho gh I go a o nd G g le i h he bo . B hen, I kno ha i hi a of elling me I poil him. Don a k me he e e e bod ge ha idea f om. We o nd a bend. A b ilding, g ani e-g e and fo bidding, look back nblinkingl . S e n. Silen . To he f on , e e al ini e -looking ehicle and. The emind one of ome of he f igh ening mo ie e ed o ee hen e e e child en. G o e e. H mongo . Remini cen of a c o be een a fa m-fa ened pig and a bed b g if ch a hing e i ed. Onl h ge . . . a ho and ime la ge han an hog co ld e e hope o be. Eno mo . Appea ing i ho leg , heel , o o he mean of locomo ion. Sa acen . Deadl , b lle - pi ing con ap ion . The menacing b ilding befo e hich he Sa acen and i he G g le Police S a ion. Dea God, I p a , le m child en be afe. Keep hem afe, all of hem . . . b e peciall M oli i. Immedia el he ho gh lea e m con ol, a oon a i manife i elf, I ca ch m b ea h. No, I lo e hem all . . . all h ee of hem. M child en. A niggling do b pe i ill I a k m elf he he , indeed, I lo ed him mo e o he he I a pa ing, compen a ing fo he ea lie ejec ion. B , ickl , I a k m elf, I ha ha ha a ? Rejec ion? M hea ha en o a NO. Be ilde men . Ange . Re en men e en . . . B no ejec ion. Ne e an bad feeling o a d him, di ec l . No.
La op! bello ed he d i e . Wha do o mean? ome of he pa enge demand. The d i e doe n immedia el an e . Hi Walkie-Talkie i c ackling. He li en hen ba k back, Roge ! Then n hi head a o nd, Didn o hea me? he ell , I aid o ge o hi b ! A e o people deaf? A ha , a m ed g mble i e f om he pa enge . Wha abo ef nding o fa e? Ref nding? Wha ef nding? an e he d i e c o l . I b ing o he e all he a f om Cla emon and no o an o mone back? Well, e ill ha e o alk he e of he a , pa he ain a ion, ome of . I li e in NY 132, ha a long alk f om he e and I ll ha e o ake a a i. A k he e child en of o ho ha e no hing be e o do han a o ble o gi e o o mone back, he d i e e o . No , go on! Ge a mo e on and ge o m b ! I ha e o k o do. F om he oa of he engine, he d i e ha pla e ed hi foo ml on he accele a o , i all a ening he la e o he oo . No a clo d in igh . The igh - e ched bl e dome abo e look do n pi ingl a he n boa , B me if o can! kno ing f ll ell ha no all he gold ha ha e o be mined in he o ld can do ha . Lo do n in he fa e , he e he k eache do n o ki he ea h, f io ed and golden ello mingle and ma and ia e he ho i on, e e-blinding pec acle. The b ea h of app oaching e ening b he of l again m cheek a I ep o he b . Ho e e , a oon a m fee hi he g o nd, i i a ho gh I ha e alked in o a ca e o a gigan ic po . The c o d eng lf and allo me hole. I can ha dl b ea he. B I am nea l he e, I con ole m elf . . . I am nea l home. Poo people. M ho e i a one h o a a f om he police a ion o I am no nd l o ied. Ho e e , a fe ep af e I ge o he b , I nd I canno ake one ep i ho p ing m foo on a policeman. The a e like an on a a ce of a pbe jam.
In ha j ngle, ca ele and nca ing bodie milling a o nd, p hing and ho ing, m ho gh did a h ee-h nd ed-and- i deg ee n-a o nd. I f o e. The p o imi of m ho e, a o ce of deligh a min e befo e, had become a c e, ca e fo g ea conce n. Wi h he if ne of la e , fea apped he an icipa ed plea e of no ha ing m ch di ance o alk. In place of ha con oling ho gh , no cold and naked fea coiled, gna ing a he e ing of m hea . Whe e a m da gh e ? In he mid of all hi ha oc, hi bedlam, he e a Si i e? The afe of gi l child en ha become a b ning i e in G g le and all place like G g le . E e da , one hea of ape . Rape , no a ape. Rape . Which mean ha , each da , mo e han one oman o gi l o child i acco ed. Each da . In hi place. S el , he c o d, if an hing, heigh ened he chance ha ch an e il hing co ld happen. Happen fo ha ea on. The me e ga he ing of o man people a he ame ime and place can p ecipi a e ine plicable e il . . . nlea h la en demon . Tha co ld happen. Happen igh he e, he e o man mindle people h onged. C o d a e mindle . Walking head he e all ho gh i pended. The a e o be fea ed. M mo h, bone d ; hea po nding, he fold benea h m a m c a l i h an . Tin , in an . Lo d, p abo e I fo nd m elf doing ome hing I had no kno n I ill emembe ed. Plea e, Good Lo d, keep he afe. P o ec m bab and keep he afe! Then if l , o mo e p ac ical, mo e fea ible o ce of help m mind ned, d mping he cele ial. Oh, I onl hope he b o he a e home i h he . P efe abl bo h. B if I had o choo e be een he o, I d go i h M oli i. L nga i a bi on he of ide. Gen le. Al ho gh, hen p o oked, he can be j a e cien in a gh a hi olde b o he . B fo he job of ca ing he n a o o , I d pick M oli i. An da of he eek. He i a pi b ll he e L nga i a dalma ian. A hin, ha d and e ha p elbo d g in o he of nboned pa of m ide be een he ib cage and hip bone. Ho a he e p ed and apidl adia ed in a j mble of in , inkl , a line of e. I ipped on a bod p one on he g o nd. Dead? I didn ai o ee. I co ldn look do n a , e en a I mbled, m leg b ckling on hi ing he ne pec ed ob acle, he a e of ha ied h mani behind me p hed. Then ddenl , conc e e. Ha d on naked foo . Ha d, g a ing he no -naked ole. Cold. Shocked, m mind ake in he fac ha m lef foo i ba e. Ho had I lo he hoe? The e a no ime o ponde he m e . Can look fo he hoe igh no . Can . Didn emembe i a ing goodb e. I p hed. I ho ed. S pid abble. Mo e of hem ho ld be on he g o nd o allo me pa age o m home. So nea . So nea , i ho hei blocking m a I o ld ha e been home b no . Oh, I ha ed each and e e pe on in ha c o d. Righ hen, I loa hed he pid, mindle hodge-podge of n hinking, nfeeling, pid i a i h all m migh . Ha ed hem. Bi e l . Mo e! I c eamed. A he op of ha e e emained of m l ng . M l ng , b ing a ho gh I e e in a f nace, fo ced o b ea h in and o al ho gh I kne pe fec l ell ha he ai had been o en baked. B p h I did. I had o ge o befo e I a ampled o m dea h b he b ainle h ong. People fo ge ho he a e hen o nded b co e of face he do no kno , e e ha do no ecogni e hem and o ld no kno hem in he mo o , mo h ha ha e ne e aid hei name . The e i a comfo ing anon mi , a f eeing face-le ne , hen one nd one elf o nded b ange . S ch people ha e no connec ion o one pa o f e, and he p e en i a ee ing bl , ne e o be emembe ed. App ehen ion amped me, gi ing me he eng h of an o . Blindl , I fo gh m a , p hing and ho ing and c eaming fo people o ge o of m a . Fo ding a migh i e o ld ha e been ea ie . Sca ed people a e like blind- a ing donke - pid and bbo n. In ha fel like a ea b a , in all p obabili , pe hap j a fe min e , en a mo , I nall came i hin ho ing di ance of m ho e. Si i e, m o nge and he onl gi l, a anding a he doo hen I e en all go he e. Whe e a e o b o he ? I aid a I eached he ga e. 4 7.30 m
Whe e a e o b o he ? again I a ked, fo I had ecei ed no an e f om Si i e, ho a anding a he doo , looking a me a ho gh he had een a gho . I kno I looked a o igh , b igh hen, all I an ed a he kno ledge, he ce ain , ha all h ee of m child en e e home. Tha he e e all igh . Tha no hing had happened o hem. The e e afe. I kno ha ea lie , if an one had a ked me, I o ld ha e aid m conce n a fo he , fo Si i e. A gi l-child, he i mo e lne able han he o he o child en. Ho e e , no ha I had een he , een ha he a in no immedia e dange , m ec e o e faced, a iega ed and magni ed a ho and fold. An ie o e he afe of he o he o a ailed me. B , deep do n m hea , I kne I a mo e o ied abo M oli i. Pe hap i i beca e e e e all alone, he o of , all ho e ea af e hi fa he de e ed . O , i co ld be he n al a in hich he came o hi o ld ha ha c ea ed hi bond be een ha i nlike an o he . . . ce ainl nlike ha I feel abo m o he o child en . . . I eall don kno . And ome ime , I don e en kno he he he hole hing i n kni ed and e n in m imagina ion. Whe e a e he ? M da gh e h gged he ho lde . L nga i he e, he aid, b he e bhuti M oli i i , he e a a ligh pa e. Then, ai ing he ho lde p o he ea , he aid, Who can a ? Wi h a ca ele h g, he d opped he ho lde back o hei acc omed place. Thi di pla of lack of conce n fo M oli i i i a ed me. She ho ld ca e. M oli i, I kne . . . I a ce ain . . . o ld ca e e m ch e e he he one ho a no a home and ho e he eabo e co ld no acco n fo a a ime like hi . He o ld be o ied abo he afe . When la did o ee him? Si i e ga e me ch a look a o ld be ha d o de c ibe. A di ie ing look. A cheek look? B hen again, an I m- o -fo - o look: b o ai ed, e e o ligh l . Cheek mo nded, j a li le. Lip e ched ide a , ca ele l , a ho gh he e e no a a e he had done hi . The o e all e ec a ha he e e , in ead of idening beca e of he ai ed e eb o , e e na o ed. Balef l. Then, i h calm delibe a ene , lo l , e e o lo l , he ned a a . T ned a a and en in ide e en a I alked p he oep o a d he . Wha a ha all abo ? I onde ed. Wa n ha j he elcome I needed? He e I had o ied m elf ick abo he , and ha do I ge fo elcome? Ho doe m da gh e ecei e me? A o face. Ye e da c a d lef o ide he f idge. I a ked o a e ion, I elled af e he eceding back. Mama? I a n fooled b he one of innocence. I d een ha ini e look. Mo eo e , I a i e e Si i e had hea d me he ime. I epea ed m e ion none hele . B hi ime I a in ide he ho e, in he dining- oom. She ood in he middle of he ki chen, looking a me. Gone, ho e e , he look ha had o n e led me a min e ago he incong o ma iage of ha gh indi e ence and naked pi ha had a on he b o . Mama, he aid, he one m ch bd ed, of e and i ho he b a hne of a fe econd ago, I ha e no een him, oda . Ab p l , he ned a o nd, enched he back doo open and lef . I a a li le p led b he b ene of he e i . Wha co ld be he ma e i h he ? I onde ed a I made fo m bed oom. Wha i ea ing Si i e? again I a ked m elf a I kicked he emaining hoe igh o m foo . Fanc ha , I ho gh , he ne e e en no iced ha I a limping . . . ne e no iced ha I am alking i ho one hoe. Ho co ld he ha e mi ed ch an ob io hing? He e I b a e a e i able a , conce ned fo he afe , and he doe n e en a k me ha happened o m o he hoe? I don belie e he mi ed eeing ha I a bed aggled, di he elled, and o all o n o . Ra led b all he moil I d been h o gh. Wha bo he ed me mo e han ha , ho gh, a he a i de, he nonchalance and lack of conce n fo M oli i, ho lo ed he o m ch. Tha i he o ble i h omb ibling , i no blood and blood ha bind hem b blood and a e . Be ide , bo h Si i e and L nga of en acc e me of fa o ing M oli i beca e I ill le him do hing I fo bid hem. B he i olde han hem. I ha m fa l ? I al o kne ha e e he po i ion e e ed, e e i M oli i ho a home, he o ld go in ea ch of hoe e a mi ing, hi i e o b o he . . . mo e o hi i e .
7.45 m
Bang! Bang! Fi po nd on he back doo . Co ld onl be Skonana, m ne -doo neighbo . Wha doe he an ? M ha e been l ing in ai fo me, a ched me behind he ne ee- h o gh c ain . Ndiyeza, Mmelwane! I ll be igh he e, neighbo ! I had j p m bag do n and kicked o he o ending hoe b had no id m elf of he ligh p ing jacke I ea hen he So h Ea e a li le oo c i p fo comfo . I eached nde he bed and p lled m eld koene, he old lea he lippe M Nel on had gi en me fo Ch i ma e ea ago. I liked h ing in hem a o nd he ho e. Ye ! I called o a I epped o of he bed oom. Skonana had a ed banging he doo again. Ndiyeza! Coming! I ho ed. L nga a ei he a leep o eading a book. The ho e co ld b n do n befo e ha one no iced he e, hi e e e e fo e e b ied in ome hing he a eading. O , e ha ed f om all ha eading, he d be no ing a a , ill in hi ea , hi head o he ide, lolling again hi ho lde . I hambled o of he bed oom, pa he dining- oom and in o he ki chen. The doo a ligh l aja . Skonana, leaning o e he ba bed i e fence ha epa a e he o ho e , a me a I eme ged f om he dining oom. Molo, Mmelwane! Hello, Neighbo ! I aid a I opened he doo ide and epped o ide. Mama kaSi i e, he ho ed, o all kipping he c oma g ee ing. B ha happened o o ? She did no gi e me ime o an e he e ion befo e a ing, I ee o e limping. And ha e e did o do i h o o he hoe? Doe he oman ha e e e e en a he back of he head? T he o no ice each and e e hing ha happen o me . . . o o he child en . . . o o D ad a. I ea he ee e en hen he i fa a leep. Fo gi e me fo no le ing o e o e a c p of ea , he aid. And hile I a ill g oping fo a e pon e, deciding hich of he e ion o an e , he con in ed, b I . . . Tha no hing, I aid, kno ing he e a no e cape. She o ld no e ill he h nge fo kno ing had been fed. I lo m hoe ge ing o he b , I lied. No , o kno ha happen hen an one alk ba efoo on he e ee , on hich people b eak bo le e e da . I epped on a bo le neck. Oh, no! Ag! I aid, Don le o abo ha hoe. I a an old hing an a . I looked he aigh in he e e. B , ell me, I aid, ha ha been happening he e? Wha ha e o people been doing o o lo el o n hip hile e e e b ea ing a o k? M Si e , he hook he head. Wha i i ? I aid, pain ing on m face a look ha aid I a d l obe ed b he olemni . Sukuhlekisa ngathi, sizigugele, Don mock , e a e old, Skonana aid. Ha e o child en no killed a mlungu oman? One? Yo don hink killing ONE hi e oman i eno gh bad ne fo he hole of G g le ? No! No! No! ha il , I aid. I m onl a ing ha beca e, on he b e hea d o man con ic ing o ie . I did no e eal he g e I d hea d on he b . I o ld onl compo nd he conf ion if m info ma ion a inacc a e. B m neighbo o d b o gh ome elief . . . no m ch, b de ni el ome . . . mo e han I had had ea on o hope. Tha hin haf led o a e ing, hen an a akening, a e gence. Wa i no po ible? Pe hap onl one pe on had died. Pe hap no one had died. Se io inj , pe hap . . . e en ha o ld be ome hing. R de eali p lled me back o he he e. I don kno ha o e hea d, Skonana a a ing. B M onke, m co in ho a policeman, old me him elf ha a hi e oman a killed he e in G g le , oda . A o ng oman, he aid. G g le i a iolen place. E e da one hea of omeone ho a killed . . . o nea l killed. Of en mo e han one. E e da ape, obbe , a med a a l and o he , mo e b le fo m of iolence. E e da . G n a e a common a ma ble e e hen e e e g o ing p. B , a hi e oman? To kill a mlungu oman? Whe e o ld e leep? Wha o ld he police do o ? The police a e no o f iend . The a e o hi da o e han ine ec al. He e in G g le e do no like he police. The a e an endle o ce of i i a ion, a be . A o , a p e ence e d ead, an a ic ion. We kno ha man innocen people ha e died in hei hand . Thei blood- ained hand . Died. Killed b he police. Wi h imp ni he killed o people in he pa . The efo e he pe pe a o of e il, ho e ho ha e made c ime a ca ee , li e in he benign a mo phe e c l i a ed b ha co p ion. A a m e di b eed maggo . . . o ha e c iminal h i ed. Shel e ed b he police ho cond c ed deed e en o e han hei . Th , c ime h i e . B killing a hi e oman a i e ano he hing. Q i e ano he hing. Yo ng and old alike, men and omen, no one i e emp f om he co ge. Violence i ife. I ha become a a of life. When a h band lea e fo o k of a mo ning, he e i no g a an ee he ll afel nd hi a back home come nigh . No i he e ch ca al ce ain abo child en going o chool. Be een d nk d i e of olen ca , he police, tsotsies and ho e ho kill ho e i h hom he do no ee e e o e e in ma e poli ical afe ha become i e, i e f agile. I oke p a f om a deep leep. B he nigh ma e o ld no lea e me alone. I a he e in m neighbo e e . I a no going o lea e me alone. Real and angible a he nge on m hand. Wha i he ma e i h o people? Don he kno he police ill p ll hi o n hip apa ? I i no eno gh e kill each o he a ho gh he o he i an animal and one i p epa ing a fea ? I ha no e il eno gh? A hi e oman? A e people mad? Ha e he lo hei mind ? M oice a h ill o m o n ea and I a ha m hand hook. Indeed, m hole bod a embling. I choolchild en ho did ha , aid m neighbo . I ga ped, memo ie of he deba e on he b e ning o ha n me. Wo d I d aken no i e e io l , no o e a gha l ini e hade of meaning. Who el e o ld do ch a mad hing? I ho gh I de ec ed a no e of gloa ing in he oice. Skonana ha no child en and omeho manage o make ha eem ch a i e. I ha e no child en and no o ie , i he fa o i e a ing, hene e an one of complain of ome mi deed one of o o p ing ha p ng on . Skonana eem o e a e child i h p oblem. Mind o , looking a ha c ap o child en do ge in o he e da , he co ld ha e a poin . B I a n going o be he one o ell he ha . M de e a e co n le a he ee of a fo e in hi G g le of o , I old he . Mo of hem, I d a , a e ell o e hi and do no a end an chool. I a fed p i h he and an ed o go back in o he ho e. Clo e he doo o he face and go abo m o n b ine change in o ome hing comfo able, hich i ha I a doing in he place befo e he called me o , he meddle ome go ip. B I a al o c io a o ha , e ac l , had happened. Skonana i a e b , e cce f l Shebeen Q een and a ef l o ce of info ma ion abo he going on in he o n hip d ing he da . M c io i go he be e of me. On he b , people e e a ing ha ca e e oned he e in Sec ion 3? Wha Sec ion 3? he a ked, he b o hoo ing p and i ing emi-ci cle . Wha a he going o a happened o b ing hi pandemoni m o o ee ? Ho acco n fo he ma e mobbing o e ga e ? We ha e no ma ke an he e nea hi ee . And he Sa acen . Wha e e all ho e Sa acen doing a he Police S a ion? Taking a aca ion? The hing happened igh he e on o ee ! m neighbo aid con pi a o iall . Righ he e, on hi ame NY 1. Each o d olled o he ong e a a b lle f om a g n: bang! bang! bang! bang! O e he e, he aid, poin ing o a d he b idge f he do n NY 1, in a o he l di ec ion. A ha , I ga e he a ha p look ha a ked a ho and e ion . She nodded he head, e e idened kno ingl . Oh, no! No I nde ood. He nega i e a i on , o empha i e he po i i e. Lea e he e of Sec ion 3 o of i , he a a ing. Onl o hin lice of i i a ec ed hi ime. Ja! again he nodded he head. And i a n e en one e le , one b lle , m f iend. Ho co ld a pe on die f om he ca he in being oned? Te ible i ion of necklacing a ed befo e m e e . Oh, no! No! No ha ! Dea God, no ha ! Wha happened? Ho . . . ? I co ldn ni h he en ence. Co ldn come o and a o lo d ho did he child en kill hi oman? a ho gh I e e alking abo he la gh e of a chicken. W inging i neck. Nkq! Done. Knife, he aid ie l . He igh , h mb p, pl nged in o he c pped palm of he lef hand, making a noi e of e han ha p od ced b o hand clapping again each o he . Sof e and d lle han a mack o hi ing hand. Ha de , ho gh. A thunk, lacking ha pne b hea a hell. The abbed he . 5 M omach ned. Skonana e e of ened. Come o e , le me p he ke le on. I hook m head, clo ed m e e fo a momen , ook a deep b ea h and aid, I e had i e a ime ge ing he e, I can ell o ha . Le me lie do n fo a hile. Fo ome ine plicable ea on, I fel eep , like ba ling m head o . M knee e e gi ing no ice of hei in en o gi e p he d of ca ing me, of holding me p igh . The e e embling and fel eak and obbl a ho gh omeone had p n me o nd and o nd and hen ab p l le go of me. Thank , Mmelwane, I aid, m oice fea he , ba el abo e a hi pe . Wh don e ha e o ea on S nda , hen I ll be o ? No ai ing fo he epl , I d agged m elf back in o he ho e. M head a eeling.
G g le ? Who o ld choo e o come o hi acc ed, Godfo aken place? Thi i ha I an o kno ha I can begin o comp ehend. I keep a king m elf he ame e ion, o e and o e again. Wha a he doing he e, o da gh e ? Wha made he come o hi , of all place ? No an a m of mad elephan o ld d ag me he e, if I e e he . A fo m elf, I came o G g le bo ne b a hi l ind . . . pe ched on a p eca io leaf balking a o nado . . . a iolen ca e ing of black people, a di pe al of he go e nmen making. So g ea a he phea al, mo e han h ee decade la e , m people a e ill eeling f om i . I a on a F ida ha he mo of emo al faced in Blo lei. Al ho gh e en o chool e da a eek, on no da e e m nine- ea -old fee a ligh a on F ida o ake me he e. The e e ligh e ill b inging me back. Thing happened on F ida . Good hing . Lo el hing . Delicio hing . E e hing eemed e panded and ca ef ee, he pa en ela ed and mo e gene o han on an o he da . S e, he e e e mo e cho e o do on F ida , f om ea l mo ning ill la e a nigh . B he e a mo e pla - ime oo, mo he ending Kha a and me p and do n he loca ion: Ge me skaapkop f om Mandaba! Ge me isityhwentywe f om Mapheka! Go o Ma henga hi hop and ge me ome ga . Be e ill, he o ld end o he hop o e b he Main Road, he e ca and b e oomed p and do n he b ee ha e e a ed and he e abelungu li ed in hei big, lo el ho e i h elec ic ligh . When ha happened, e e e likel o be gi en a cen o e en a hole e cen o pend a e plea ed. Wi h all he oing and f oing of a F ida , Mama a no a pa ic la a on o he da abo keeping ime. She didn no ice hen I en in o o of he ho e. And ha a j ne i h me, fo hen I co ld pla o ide a m ch a Kha a did . . . pla o ide and no come in ide ill ell in o he nigh . Mama o ked half da , o he a al a home hen Kha a and I e ned f om chool. Thi F ida , I hadn e en aken o m g m d e hen he ged me: R n o Mandila and ge me a en cen vetkoekies. He e, he aid, hing o mone o of he o e all pocke . P he ke le on , and n! I kne ha ha mean . She an ed me back befo e he a e boiled. Tha a a e ha I hadn da dled on he oad. I an o of he ho e, ac o he eld of c agg g a , pa he li le dam f inged i h a hin c op of aggling eed and oonongobozana, o delicio o he a e. Thi da , ho e e , I comple el igno ed he fa e. On he o he ide of he dam, beckoned Mama Mandila li le pondok, he e co ld be fo nd he be , he mo c mp io , cookie in all Blo lei. E en befo e I eached he doo , he a m, ang mell of vetkoek f ing hi me. M mo h a e ed and I allo ed e e al ime . S allo ed, al ho gh he e a no hing b good, fa hope in m mo h. In ide he ho e, Mama Mandila a on a li le ooden b nk. Ne o he , on he oo , a big pan, il e hin a ne , a plonk on a P im o e ha p ed of l , i ing he pond of oil in he pan. Like hip on chopp ea , golden-b o n peaked- haped ball bobbed chee f ll in he b len oil. No and hen, Mama Mandila def l ned one of he e o e i h a fo k, making he oil leap p and i le and g gle, inging i elf hoa e. A he igh of he vetkoek, he a e ing in ide m mo h become i e n l , he allo ing noi . I co ld ha dl ge he o d o of m mo h. Ten cen o h, plea e, Mama Mandila. Mama Mandila no onl ga e me he en e koekie m en cen bo gh , b an e a one j fo me. An e a one he did no p i h he o he in he b o n bag b handed di ec l o me. He e one fo m li le good c ome ! he aid, miling. Thank o , Mama, I aid, b o n bag a m fee , f eeing m hand o c p in h mble accep ance. Tho e da , i a he heigh of dene fo a child o ake f om an ad l . A child accep ed, i h bo h hand c pped, hen gi en an hing b an one olde . Good in en ion a e one hing, a a m, of vetkoek in one hand, j begging o be allo ed, i e ano he . The a e had no onl boiled b he ime I eached home b Mama, po ing o he econd c p of ea, a ai ing impa ien l fo he vetkoek. Ah, I ee, he aid, looking a he ell- ale oil hand . I hope m vetkoeks a e ill a ho , he added a he p o on a mall pla e. Good, he aid, m nching on a vetkoek and cha ing i do n i h he ea. Good! he e e clo ed, he nodded. I co ld ee ha he a enjo ing Mama Mandila vetkoek. Don ell me o an ano he one? Mama ea ed, looking a me i h one e e, he co e ponding e eb o ai ed. Ye , Mama, I aid, hoping I a igh ha he a onl ea ing me. I o ld no ha e p i pa Mama o n a o nd and ell me one vetkoek a eno gh fo me, i h ppe coming ho l . Ye , I d like one e m ch, if I ma I old he in m ee e oice. Af e ea, i a back o he endle F ida cho e . Fo na el , Mama made e ha mo of he e e e done in he mo ning. Af e he d een o i ha he ho e a idied p in eadine fo F ida b ine , Mama oaked he la nd hile I ained and bo led he ginge bee hich a he famil b ine . No , ef e hed, e en o o a ack he la nd . Mama did he a hing hile I in ed he clo he and h ng hem p. When e e e done, I ook he ed oap a e and c bbed he oo . Then i a ime fo Mama la c p of ea befo e he o ke came home. Ea l ha e ening, a a al d ing he mme , a g o p of men, mone in hei pocke beca e F ida a Pa Da , came o cool hem el e and a h a a he ca e of he o k eek i h Mama ginge bee . I helped he e e hem and hen en o o pla . Mandi a! Mama called o a hile la e . Mama, I an e ed, galloping back in o he ho e. I p a ed ha ha e e he an ed me fo , o ld ake o li le ime ha I d be able o go o o pla again. Ge he emp ie f om o ide and p o bo le o fo Nonja ikhali, aid Mama. He al ead paid fo hem, he added. I g abbed o bo le f om he fo e of ginge -bee bo le nde he able h again he all on hich ood o pail of a e , he P im o e on hich Mama cooked, and a fe o he nd ie be ide , and h ied o ide. He e, Ta a, I aid, p ing he bo le in f on of Ta Nonja ikhali, igh be een hi fee plan ed on he g a -black and. Enkosi, Ntomb’ am, Thank o , M Da gh e , he aid, gi ing me a hole e cen piece. Ta Nonja ikhali a ea il he mo gene o of Mama c ome . All he child en in Blo lei kne ho a m-handed he a and e e eage ha he end hem o he hop, e peciall F ida . Th enco aged in m d ie , I p oceeded o ga he he emp bo le ca e ed a o nd he emi-ci cle of men and ook hem in ide. Thi b o gh me endle p ai e f om he mo l be-o e alled o ke , l nch pail be ide hem. I o ld keep a e good ho e hen I g e p, he aid, making me beam f om ea o ea , a he complimen oaked h o gh o he ma o in m bone . Ta Nonja ikhali lef , hi bo le of ginge bee , head oge he , held ml in he g ip of one hand. The o he men g mbled pla f ll ha he a lea ing hem d - h oa ed, going a a i h hei d ink. Yo all ha e people o make o ea, in o home , he eplied la ghingl . Thi i m ea. A momen la e , a I a going back o , he ho clapping of hand beckoning, calling me o he game of ik la, I o e hea d Ta Sikh eb a : Urhulumente, bonk’ abantw’ abamnyama kule ngingqi yeKapa, uza kubafudusela eNyanga. The Go e nmen i going o mo e all Af ican in he Cape To n a ea o N anga! Wha-aa ! Wha a e o a ing? aid e e al oice , all a once. Ho can ch a hing be e? I hea d hi f om omeone e all , Ta Sikh eb eplied. Ah, aid one of men, lie ! lie ! lie ! All lie , if o a k me, I ecogni ed he oice of Bheleka i fa he , a neighbo . Yo e igh , Bhele, aid Rhad d , al o a neighbo . No hing like ha can e e happen. He o nded i e con inced of ha he aid. He o nded i e con incing oo. Then e e bod a ed ho ing. The oice e e o man and o lo d I co ldn make o ha a being aid. I decided o go abo m b ine ; be ide , he game of ik la a calling me o ide. In an e en , e en had I con in ed li ening, I o ld ha e gained b li le. A ha ime, he o d ha e e being h o n abo , o d ha gene a ed he hea ed deba e, o me, me el egi e ed a fan a ic. To m ben -on-pla mind, he e e in he ame ca ego a all he o he nfa homable m e ie of he ad l o ld, like a e , ikolo he , gold in he mine and God in Hea en no hing hich had an hing o do i h me. Ho e e , a fe da la e , I hea d he ame mo f om o he child en. And one da , I e en hea d Ta a, ho eldom conce ned him elf i h loca ion alk, a ome hing abo i o Mama. When I old Kha a abo he mo ha e e e going o be mo ed o N anga, he eplied ha he kne all abo ha . He b agged he e en kne ho had a ed he mo : The n eliable Ta Nonja ikhali, he nee ed. I all o e he loca ion, b o ai ed, e e half clo ed i h a ha gh kno ing, he hi pe ed. E e bod kne Ta Nonja ikhali a no eliable. He didn e en ha e a ife, o a no hing of child en. Who co ld ch a man? The people of Blo lei o ld be c a o do o, acco ding o Kha a, he i e. O he , ho gh, aid he mo a ba ed on ome h and, al ho gh Nonja ikhali migh ha e e ched ha h he e and he e, i a none hele ill he h. Thi g o p claimed he d hea d abo hi a hi job, he big Po O ce in Cape To n, he e he o ked. He d men ioned i o hi good f iend, Ta Sikh eb , ho d hi pe ed i o he ea of Ma henga hi, he o e o ne , ho old hi b o he , he p eache , ho pa ed i on o hi on, he p incipal. F om he p incipal, he mo g e fa . Like ild e, i p ead. F om pe on o pe on i en , i h each embelli hing i , amping i i h de ailed indi id al him and fea . Like he olling of he d ng bee le, me el pa ing i along ca ied i hin i elf he mechani m fo i o n a gmen a ion and i g e n il i became he hoa e oa of a i e g eedil d inking do n he ain af e a long, ha d-hi ing d o gh . The go e nmen i going o mo e all Af ican o N anga. All? To he la one? O pa en la ghed. Ob io l , he go e nmen didn kno ha i a alking abo . Fo e e al eek he eaf e , hi a he fa o i e opic of he men ho a o ide o ho e, e ening and eekend . A e e e no he onl famil elling ginge bee , o he elling e en onge fa e, he cene o ide m home a , in all p obabili , eplica ed o e and o e again, h o gho he loca ion. In imila cena io o a ia ion he eof one hing all had in common, a people ef ing he npala able. On p ned emp fo -gallon pa a n in , on he g im di o ide he ho e , d inking ginge bee o bee and moking hei pipe , o fa he ba ed hei ee h, abbed he and i h long ong je of obacco pi , black-b o n a a , and hook hei head . Each li le g o p of men i ing a he ho n of a b ll, a f iendl fo ma ion o lock he con e a ion i hin he b ea ha ed common, all oo familia , ale of he eek-long o deal a he place of hei ha ne . O mo he , o o f om he comm nal a e - ap ha e ed he hole p a ling loca ion, d m and big in of a e on hei head , clapped hei hand and ook hem o chin and hip in ge e of inc ed lo ama emen . Splo che of a e f om he b cke da kened p oa io l giggling ho lde and ained he ha l o nd a o nd hei ai like pepl m . The e e e o man of in Blo lei, he in- hack loca ion he e I g e p. Million and million . Whe e o ld he go e nmen a ? Who co ld belie e ch a hing? The ea of in hack l ing la il in he a , o nded b gen le hi e hill , and hill do ed i h c b, ga e (all of , pa en and child en alike) ch a fan a ic en e of ec i e co ld no concei e of i e e cea ing o e i . Th , con inced of he in iolabili o e ed b o emendo n mbe , he i e of o e lemen , he belief ha o d elling place , o home , and o b ial place e e ac ed, e la ghed a he ab di of he mo . The af e bi h of o child en a e deep in hi g o nd. So a e he fo e kin of o bo and he bleached bone of o long dead, G andfa he M be, he loca ion elde , old Mama one da , hen he e e di c ing, once again, hi e ame e ion of fo ced emo al . Blo lei a going no he e, he aid. Going no he e, he ei e a ed, igh bea ing ha d again palm of he o he hand. Ho hi o d ea ed me. Thi a home, he aid. Home. Al a had been. Al a o ld be. HOME. Af e a hile, he hole mo e mo hing became mo e of a joke han an hing el e. O pa en la ghed a he ab di of he mo of he emo al of Af ican , all Af ican , o a common a ea e a ide onl fo hem. A co al. B he go e nmen a no la ghing. The go e nmen ne e ho ed i miling ee h hen dealing i h an ma e in connec ion i h Af ican . The ea olled on. I fo go he mo . O i paled . . . like he memo of a nigh ma e in he bold, nl ing, e idence-ind cing n of da . The mo paled, in ime, i a all b fo go en. Fo go en, I da e a , b e e bod , incl ding Ta Nonja ikhali, ho had b o gh i o he loca ion, in he place. If ch a e.
Then one da , he mo , all g o n and bea ded, a med i h he amp of he go e nmen , e ned. I a no miling. Like i a ho , i had lea n o b i en e of h mo hen dealing i h he Af ican p oblem. The da a a S nda . S nda af e noon, I ill emembe . Ta a, Mama, Kha a and I had been o ch ch. Upon e n, a al, I helped Mama cook. The famil a do n o he highligh of he eek, he pecial S nda l nch: mea and ice. Wi h po a oe , ca o and cabbage. S nda . The onl da of he eek e e e a mea . . . and ege able, in ead of umngqusho o stamp-en-stoot, a o b oken-co n- i h-bean meal a ome ime called. A al, m b o he had e caped a oon a e d ni hed ea ing. I a hed he di he and hile he g o n p , do ing, cha ed, made good m e cape. Up he hill and do n he o he ide, and he e I fo nd m f iend , ho e e o e jo ed o ee me. The d been ai ing fo e e fo m appea ance. M b o he and I e e among a mall g o p of child en in Blo lei c ed i h pa en ho no onl en o ch ch b had he ha dened hea o in i on hei child en going oo. No con en i h ha fo m of o e, m pa en p o he impedimen be een and ca ef ee pla : home o k and he e ing n. Mama and Ta a eemed o ha e no idea ha oe e ha he S nda n a ing a a o ng ido i h a do en li le child en o feed. So e en a e pla ed, no and hen I h e an io glance a he icini of m home. I a no acciden ha m f iend and I cho e o pla on onde ide of he hill. If e pla ed on he ide nea e home, Mama eemed o hink I a begging o be called home fo he mo in igni can ea on . She o ld come o of he ho e, and b he doo , and holle in he lo de oice, calling me back home o ha I co ld do m home o k, make he ea o , indeed, fo no ea on a all e cep ha he n a e ing. Wi hin min e of m joining m f iend , he pla m a i al had in e p ed e med. D e ki ed in bloome o a oid hei ge ing oiled o ea ing, e an p and do n he hill, cha ing galloping goa and ealing pig , cha ing bbo n, blea ing heep. We picked ild be ie f om he ho n intlokot-shane b he and c a ch -leafed ibhosisi ine , b il and ca le , pla ed hide and eek among o e g o n e e g een hicke . We e e comple el ab o bed in o pla ; gi ing i o be beca e, i h he n going home, o f iend fea ed Mama oice o ld oon be calling me home, ha ling me he e long befo e he g o p a ead fo he o deal of epa a ion. Kha a, beca e he a a bo , didn e f om e ic ion a I did. S ddenl , a deafening oa o e head opped in o ack . All en e of pla ed, head je ked p, e e p lled o he f io l bleeding k . An ae oplane. Fl ing o lo , m f iend and I co ld ee he people in i . See hei pink-pink kin and he colo of he clo he he o e . . . ee oo he da k gla e hiding hei colo ed e e . The phenomenon a ha n al, e fo go he i al: Eropleyni! ‘Zundiphathel’ iorenji! ‘Zundiphathel’ ipesika! Don a k me h e pe i ed in a king he ae oplane fo he e goodie hen he ill hing e e ei he deaf o ingie han N hanga e. No one of had e e been e a ded fo all o e o . On hi da , ho e e , he manne of i appea ance, o clo e o he g o nd, o clo e o , p hi onde on he ame le el a he b ning b h, he a e - p o ing ock and alking e pen of he Bible. I comple el ole o ong e . Indeed, he phenomenon a o n al, he noi e o lo d, ha i ha led e en he ad l o of he ho e and jol ed ho e d inking bee o ide on o hei fee , head p ned, hand capping e e , open-mo hed a ing k a d. Then, he e a momen befo e, e d been ck d mb, no a ne conce n mo e and e o ed o oice . Uza kuwa! Uza kuwa! Wide-e ed i h fea , e c ied o . So did ome of he g o n p , e peciall he mo he . B h o gh i all, o e e a ed gl ed o he e igh ha en o hea pl mme ing o o omach . E en a e ecoiled f om he ho o , e fel compelled o a ch . . . o look on . . . i ne : Wh a he man bending fo a d, o of he doo o indo of he ae oplane? He going o fall! e c eamed. He ill fall! B he man did no fall o . In ead, he ae oplane h e p. I emi ed a big, e ing hi e clo d. Bhasopha! Bhasopha!’ Ha m- ca m, e ca e ed, nning a fa a o leg co ld ca . Wa ch o ! Wa ch o ! e holle ed, eeing fo he afe of o home , he ame f om hich e d b o la el olen a a , he ame o hich e e e o loa h o e n, j momen befo e. E en a e an fo afe , he f igh ened oice of o mo he ang o , calling child en home. Ga ping mo e f om f igh han he ne pec ed p in , e clea ed he dange one. E e once mo e ned o k . De pi e he noi e ill inging in o ea , he ae oplane a al ead a mall blo a o e he e. The clo d i had lef behind a e en hen ill di in eg a ing. E en a e looked, he clo d e ealed i elf a hin, a bi d , lea ning o . Wobbl , mo did no make i , and came d if ing do n o ea h. A ome e ed gen l o and a a , mo pi alled do n a d and e e do n a d n il, ca ied b he of and pla f l a e and c en of he ai , he d danced hei a o he e and on hich e d been pla ing. Soon, he and a ca pe ed i h he a bi d ha co ld no . . . o had lo hei inbo n fea f lne o come ne ing on he d n-colo ed face ha a dimpled, pi ed and pimpled i h o foo ep , moa and ca le . The e he la , a ilen a he plane ha had b o gh hem had been noi . In li le cl e in f on of o home , child en and pa en h ddled oge he a again a foe. O e e aked he k . B he he he in black peck on he fa ho i on a o plane o a la ge bi d e ning home fo he nigh , e co ldn a . Mean hile, he ange bi d he plane had bi hed la he e, all o e he place, igh in f on of o e e . A fe b a e o l , mo l bo , en ed fo h. Ca io l , he app oached he bi d . He e and he e, ome of he bi d e ed and hopped a hei app oach and made a ho gh he o ld ake o . . .b in ead ho e ed a hea bea o o in o he ai , j abo e he g o nd, and hen e ing ill, e ing, e led back on he and, a fe cen ime e o o f om he e he had been befo e. G ea l enco aged b he eali a ion ha all he bi d an ed a a place of e , ha he mean no ha m, a fe mo e f om o n mbe epped o of he afe of o home . I onl pape ! ho ed L mko, one of he bigge bo . Look! Look! he aid, holding p e e al loo e lea e . Look! I pape , ha all! In a f en , ill -nill , he g abbed an a mf l mo e of he pape . A ha , e all c ambled back o o abandoned pla eld and cooped p a mf l of he bi d , no ha e kne he o ld no bi e, o ld no angle o knife . Saphani, sibone! Saphani, sibone! B ing ha he e and le ee! He e, le ee! c eamed ome of he pa en . A ace of fea ill laced hei oice . B e en a he pa en called he child en o b ing hem he ilen bi d he plane had d opped, he demeano of he olde child en ab p l obe ed. Fo long momen , he a ed a he pape . Looked a i . . . p hed hei face igh clo e o i , ea ne l e amining i a ho gh i e e he p e ie face in all of Blo lei. Thei ac ion made he e of ne o ha a he ma e no ? Wha , abo he pape , a o me me i ing? I looked a he pape in m hand. W i ing. In big le e . Spelling e o . Whoe e o e hi , can ha e gone fa in chool, I ho gh . Wh , e en I, onl in S anda d Th ee, o ld kno ho o i e all he o d i en he e. And I o ld pell all of hem co ec l oo. Co ec ed, hi i ha he pape aid: YONK’ IBLOUVLEI IYAFUDUSWA. ISIWA ENYANGA. KULE NYANGA IZAYO - 1 JULAYI. ABAZICELELAYO BAYA KUNCEDISWA NGELORI. The me age a imple and di ec : ALL BLOUVLEI WILL BE RELOCATED MOVED TO NYANGA. NEXT MONTH 1 JULY. FOR THOSE REQUESTING IT, THERE WILL BE LORRIES TO HELP WITH THE MOVE. A hock a e pli m bod . I a e, hen? Ta Nonja ikhali o a happening? I o ld be l ing if I aid he f l lmen of Ta Nonja ikhali o d h illed me. O ha he ho gh of a ne ad en e lled me i h e ci emen and an icipa ion. Al ho gh I did no a k m elf h hi ho ld be o, in an l , I a a a l ed b a ag e di ie . No ha i eemed mo e eal han e e befo e ha e migh lea e hi place ha I had no ho gh of a one ha a belo ed o me, Blo lei ddenl eemed e impo an and dea o me. Fo he ime, he eali ha i a m hole o ld, he onl place I had e e kno n . . . had e e called home, hi me. S if on he heel of ha eali a ion, came a bleak adne . A he p o pec of lo ing i , of no longe o ning i . A h h fell on he pla g o nd. All pla had come o an nce emonio hal once again. Zombie ood he e e had pla ed. S ood a ing a hei hand . Then, a ddenl a e d been illed, a e i able ampede b oke o , e e child, pamphle in hand, acing home. Racing he e i h a ne genc no . Mama! I c ied o . Mama! Mama! Mama! I holle ed, hand high p in he ai . Hand holding he pape i h he le hal o d , I galloped all he a home. Mama a ai ing fo me a he doo , ala m i en all o e he face. Wha he ma e ? he a ked. Wha a e he e hing he ae oplane d opped? Look! I hi pe ed, m hea in m mo h. Look, he e he a e. She na ched one of he pamphle f om m hand. He e e , nacc omed o eading co ed i fo a f ll min e befo e he ned a o nd and, going back in ide he ho e, aid: He, tata kaMandisa, kha ujonge eli phepha. He , fa he of Mandi a, h don o ake a look a hi pape . He oice a lo i h di belief. I old o he e e e hing ha plane a d opping o . Look, no , he aid, d o ee, ha i a b inging ? Wha ? The ca e pilla abo e hi e e cha ed he hick fo e of hi hai , dange o l na o ing he in ip of fo ehead. He e, and he handed him he lea e . Tyhini! e claimed Ta a, af e a glance a i . Tyhini! again, he ho ed, ha a e he e boe a ing, no ? Wha e ible hing i hi ha he a e a ing? M pa en , ho ne e lo oppo ni fo p ai ing m b o he and me fo a good deed, ha da , no once did he hank me fo b inging hem ha no e. Ho e e , en ing a b lence in hem fa g ea e han m li le di appoin men , I did no d ell on he o e igh . Indeed, i a no n il da la e ha he fac hi me. Tha , in he mad c amble, I d been gi en no p ai e. Whe e do he a he e aking ? Mama a ked. I-iish! Ta a aid, he e pla ing child en ma ble , e e no going an he e. B he deep f o ha clea ed hi b o , gain aid he o d of hi mo h. M app ehen ion g e . J hen, he clango o o nd of o ood iking hollo me al ang o . Like bee moked o of hei hi e, he fa he and mo he of Blo lei, he g andfa he and g andmo he oo, e e g o n p in he loca ion, po ed o of he ho e . NKQO-NKQO! NKQO NKQO-NKQO! NKQO NKQO-NKQO! Fa and f io , ood po nded on emp pa a n in , Blo lei mmon e o a mee ing lled he la e af e noon ai . Then, in o he clamo o ai , came he high and pie cing oice of nkno n omen l la ing, accompan ing he holle ing gong . Yeye-e-ee-lee-e! Ye-yee-ee-eele-ee! I ha d o ned! I ha d o ned! Ye-ee-yee-lee! Ifun’ amadoda-aa! I ha d o ned! I need men! The di e ignal, illing, a call o all e iden of Blo lei, einfo ced he in-po nding all ing c o he ga he ing place, he open eld nea he dam. O pa en a med o he mee ing-place. The e a no p ing o hei ep, hei ho lde e e h nched and o nded a hei ddenl oo-long a m dangled limp and ele a hei ide . Wi h Mama and Ta a gone o he mee ing, m an ie oon b ided, di placed b mo e plea able nde aking . E en ho gh he n ca long hado , elling me I ho ld go indoo , Mama a no he e o ee he he I a in o o . She a no he e o call me home. So, nding m elf h f eed, I once mo e lo m elf o he genc of e ening-pla . The n dipped be ond he hill and ank, pain ing he fa k in e ed , blinding ello and ea ing e million . In he af e glo , he ha il con ened mee ing a . A o pla ook place no fa f om he dam, no and hen e o ld hea ai ed oice o e en a ho . E en ho gh e e e eng o ed in o game , e co ld no e cape he ange of o pa en , a a i h he pape he ae oplane had d opped. Indeed, hei a h in aded he pace he e e hid, lo in he o ld of pla . B and la ge, ho e e , e kep a li le o f om he mee ing a e did no an o emind o pa en ha e had no gone indoo . Impe cep ibl , peach ned o pl m, ano he ma ke of he n alne of he p oceeding . Wi h no ee and no ee ligh ing he efo e, Blo lei kne ell eno gh o cond c i b ine b he bene olence of he n. Thi da , ho e e , he e a no ho gh of adjo nmen , o a no hing of cancella ion. In ead, he mee ing a oon held b candleligh . Sca e ed a andom, e e al candle held in a m p hed p o he k , ga e pale and gho l ligh o he ange going -on. B a he pi ch of nigh hickened, hei e iola ed ligh became mo e and mo e inade a e and ine ec al. He e, Kwedini! Ta Ma henga hi hailed Sakhele, ho a pa ing b . Take hi , he aid, gi ing him a ke . I open he hed ne o he hop. Go ge ome ood, m bo , he g o led. H ! Soon, a f ll-blo n e a abla e and, b i icke ing ligh , he mee ing ca ied on ill e la e ha nigh . Relie ed of pa en al pe i ion, e child en e e in pa adi e. Tha da , e cha ed e ie and ba ill la e in o he nigh . Al ho gh no one kne hi ha S nda , ha a o be he of a mon h of mee ing , ome ime a man a h ee o fo in a ingle da . When ha mee ing a nall o e , Ta a and Mama called in. The e e bo h in a bad mood, hich made Kha a hi pe , The mee ing can ha e gone ell. Ta a g mbling oon con med ho e o d . Q e ion ! Q e ion and mo e e ion , all nigh long! he pa o , clea l di plea ed. Ja! Mama ag eed. The e e a no lack of e ion , he aid. B ho had he an e ? Yo e igh he e, Ta a aid. Tho e e e do n igh ncoope a i e and bbo n. The o and o ef ed o make an appea ance. Pe hap , omo o , he ill come, Mama aid. The alked abo he emo al all nigh , ill I fell a leep. The ne da , o pa en en ep e en a ion o he go e nmen . The go e nmen ef ed o ecei e he delega ion. Fo eek , follo ing ha mee ing, Ta a ook o coming home ea l , fo going all o e ime o k. Tha a a emendo ac i ce, indeed, fo hi age a he Cape To n Dock a no high and he pplemen ed i b o king o e ime. Mama of en aid ha Ta a eal age came f om he o e ime and hi job ga e him b pean . B no , like e e bod el e, he had o a end he mee ing and o co ldn ake an o e ime o k. Mee ing af e mee ing a called. B af e e e al ch in en e mee ing i h indeci i e e ol ion and feeble o come , o pa en appealed fo help o M S anfo d and M Ballinge and he o he hi e men and omen ho had been he o cial Na i e Rep e en a i e in he pa liamen o hich he hem el e had no acce . B e en ha a all o no a ail. The go e nmen o ld no li en o an one appeal . The go e nmen had long made p i mind. Long, long ago. On he i e of black emo al . S e, once o ice, he e e e po ponemen . In ead of J l , e mo ed in Sep embe . In he nal anal i , ho e e , mo e e did. A he go e nmen had aid e o ld. All appeal and delega ion had failed. Mandi a! Kha a! Mandi a! Vukani! Vukani! Wake Up - Wake Up! Deep in leep, I fel omeone hake me o ghl b he ho lde . Fi e! The ho e a on e! I leap o of bed, o n fo he doo . Shack e e e common in Blo lei. Hand g abbed me. S ong a m enfolded me o he no oo familia , obacco melling che of m fa he . Ta a? Ta a, h gging me? I kne he i a ion a fa o e han a b ning ho e. Some hing e ible had happened. Then, i came o me: I a ei he dead o d ing. Wh el e o ld m e n, ne e -demon a i e fa he be h gging me? Ta a a no dog ha omped a o nd i h p ppie . Mandi a, Ta a aid, ill haking me b he ho lde . I a f ll a ake no and a ha Mama and Kha a e e in he ho e. Thei mo emen e e no f an ic. The e a no e. The e co ldn po ibl be. B hen, ha a he p oblem? m fogg b ain a ked. ‘Abelungu bayazidiliz’ izindlu zethu. Whi e a e p lling do n o ho e . Ta a aid he o d gen l , i h no hin of emo ion ha oe e . I looked a Mama. We ha e o h and pack p e e hing, Mama aid. Th o a a an hing fo hich o ha e no e! She, he elf, a ben o e a ca dboa d bo , al ead half f ll i h di he . I a long befo e n i e on he da of Sep embe . Ta a, ho lef fo o k a half-pa fo , had ai ed he ala m and Blo lei a oke o nd i elf nde iege. Come and ee, Ta a aid, hen aking Kha a and me b he hand, he led o of he ho e. O ide, he ai a h hed, a ead d i le bea ing on he ill- black and. In he g e half-ligh of a clo d in e fo eda n, fo eign hape loomed in he nea di ance. Menacing. A oon a m e e acc omed hem el e o he poo ligh , he b oke m indpipe, obbing me of b ea h. An a m of in a ion: a ee of police. Van , b lldo e and a m ck o nded he loca ion. Comple el . In i en i e a ne , Blo lei a o nded and con ained. A ho gh enac ing a long- ehea ed macab e dance, o of each of he a m and police ehicle and b lldo e p ang nifo m-clad hi e men. H nd ed of hem. In a clo d of pink- e hed face peeping f om benea h hea helme , beef hand p o ing f om camo age nifo m, he hi e men e pon he in hack like n l child en de o ing a colon of an hill . E e peeled back ide, in ho o , I a ched. Abelungu men cha ged. Tin all e e o n do n i h he inhabi an of he hack a leep in ide ome. Shack came mbling do n, e ealing P im o e aligh , po of mealie-meal po idge madl b bbling a a in o he . Some of Blo lei mo e bbo n e iden chained hem el e o he doo of hei home . B he doo f ame e e p lled do n j he ame. P lled do n i h ho e poo de pe a e o l chained igh on o hem. G andpa M be, ho li ed p nea he op of he hill, b oke an a m in one ch c e. To he da he died, mo e han a decade la e , he ne e f ll eco e ed he e of ha a m. The pi ile , hle a ack of he go e nmen people jol ed Blo lei in o ac ion. O pa en c ied o ake mo e eali ic, mo e agg e i e, ac ion. Defea looked hem a el in he e e and he h ied o al age ha b ilding ma e ial he co ld (no ne hen ed o b ild o Blo lei home and no - iddled and o ing), bi and piece o hei hack , hei home . Thei home ha , e en a he fended o he a ack, he a m and he police and he ni e i den ol n ee ing fo p blic e ice e e napping o like o . In he mad c and h le of ha da , omeho , Mama p e ailed on Ta a and a fe o he men and go hem o help mo e Si L l and he hing . If each famil ake ome of he hing , b nigh e ll ha e mo of hem in N anga, a ho he pe aded hem. She kne ha if he a ked e en Ta a o ho lde he f ll e pon ibili of mo ing L l , he o ld ne e ag ee o i . . . no one pe on o ld. Ha il , o bea he eage demoli he and al age ha li le he co ld of hei hack , o pa en p lled do n he ho e hem el e . Wi h e e b igh i h pp e ed ea , o pa en p lled do n hei home , p he nail in ne pape and apped he packe , ing old doeks o pinafo e ; packed ca dboa d, inc, pole and plank ; apped hem in o long n ield b ndle , and ca ied hem on hei ho lde and on hei head . Like imfecane eeing Shaka mo e han a cen ago, o pa en ekked. Dejec ed and di pi i ed, b de e mined o b ild ane , he made he long jo ne h o gh he Fla . F om Re ea o N anga, going b a of back oad and b - oad , foo pa h , ba el - he e, g a -o e g o n di ack , pa he endle ac e of fa m aming he and Fla , he e no ain o b e an. Pa Klip, B - Co ne , and o he o -l ing e lemen of Hea h eld; pa he fa m ha feed Diep Ri e , S e hof, Pl m ead, Wi ebomme, W nbe g and en i on , he od. In hei h nd ed . The ekked. On o he heep and mai e fa m of O e and pa he chicken fa m of Lan do ne, he plodded. A long line of ea ied h mani : child en, omen and men, follo ing hei no e , going o a place he had ne e een befo e, he e he kne no ha a ai ed hem. The ekked. Lea ing hei li e a ened o no hing behind hem. Go e nmen ehicle ho nding hem, ba one p odding hei back ; conf ed, bed aggled and pen , a la hei e e beheld he ilde ne he ba en land he go e nmen had de igna ed o be hei ne home. We go he e, and e e hing and e e bod changed, e peciall Mama. In G g le , he ne ho e changed . People belie ed he d been be e ed, and o e ha d o li e p o ha pe cep ion. In hei ood and inc and ca dboa d ho e i h ooden indo , he d needed no c ain o ca pe o fanc , o e- bo gh f ni e. In he b and-ne b ick ho e of he o n hip , i h hei gla indo , conc e e oo , ba e all and h ng oom , ne need e e bo n. B ho o a i f he e need ? The age of fa he had ce ainl no been a gmen ed. Soon, all o mo he , ho had been he e e e af e noon o elcome hen e e ned f om chool, e e no longe he e. The e e o king in hi e omen home . Ti ed, e e da hen he e ned. Ti ed and ang . In ime e did no emembe coming back f om chool o mo he ai ing i h mile .
10.05 PM Wed e da 25 A g 1993
I a ge ing la e. Ve la e. S ill, of he h ee men in he ho e, onl L nga a home. No m h band, D ad a, Fa he -of-Si i e. B abo him, I a no ha o ied. He o k in he Dock in Cape To n and i i no n al fo him o be la e. B he e a M oli i? No fo he ime, I a ked m elf ha i a ha made him o di e en f om he o he o child en. Ho man ime had I no poken o him abo hi gadding abo ? Abo hi being he elde and he efo e he one ho had o e a good e ample fo he o he ? Wh a he o con i en in being di obedien ? Si i e had a po of mngqusho ( amp) imme ing hen I came. I a e ed no . A e ed a I co ld ge i h all ha had happened o me ea lie ha e ening. I ai ed, hoping ha M oli i and D ad a o ld come o e co ld all ea oge he . Hoping, ho gh, ha M oli i o ld be he o make an appea ance. I a ick and i ed of hea ing D ad a mo h on he bjec of M oli i long foo ha o e i elf on all he ee and co ne of G g le . . . da and nigh . Wha had made M oli i op con ding in me? And hen had ha all of ilence p ng be een ? I co ldn emembe . He ed o ell me e e hing . . . and hen, one da I oke p o nd I kne almo no hing abo hi ac i i ie o hi f iend . To ake m mind o he o abo m on, I o ed o ome of he a hing and oaked hi e and fa colo . Tha mean I d ha e le o k hen I did he la nd , come Sa da . B i al o mean I d ha e o ake p half an ho ea lie he ne mo ning. I didn mind ha . Be ide , an hing a mile be e han he f an ic feeling ha enfolded me. Indeed, I d do he la nd no , if i o ld help me e cape he o e helming an ie . B I kne I co ldn do ha , ho gh. J a fancif l ho gh . I d ake p i h no one a icle p on he line G g le hie e ook e en face clo h lef on he line a nigh . Ne , I ook o clo he ai ing o be i oned and a ed on ho e. Tha o ld keep me going . . . ill m h band came.
D ad a e ned i h a la ge packe nde hi a m. Mea . Spleen. He d had no o ble alking home f om Ne eg, he ain a ion nea e hi pa of G g le , le han en min e a a f om he ho e. Ye , he e e e police an l ing in ai a he a ion, hen he go o he ain. B he police e e in he ca , no bo he ing an bod . Ye , he had al o een h ee o fo mo e an hile alking home. And all ho e Sa acen a he Police S a ion, in ide he a d a ell a o ide. Yo don kno ha a bo he a ion I had ge ing he e, I aid. Then na a ed m o o him. I a glad I had dela ed di hing p. Thi mngqusho b ine , e e da , can be bo ing. I kinned he poo man li e , g a ef l ha D ad a a ch a good p o ide . No man in G g le co ld boa of ea ing mea mo e han once a eek, on S nda . Indeed, he e e e ome ho did no ha e e en ha . B e had mea o o h ee ime d ing he eek. Mo l o al. B ill, mea . No , I ea oned and f ied he pleen. J a I o ld li e keeping i a min e o o longe on he o e, beca e i i hicke . E e hing a ead no . S ill, I dela ed di hing p. J a li le longe . Hoping again hope ha he bo o ld come. No and hen I ook a peek o of he ki chen indo o en o he back doo o li en fo oice . Ho e e , each ime, he ame bbo n ilence g ee ed m in e iga ion. A e ign ha L nga a ill alone, o i h hi book hich come o he ame hing. Mo he -of-L nga, D ad a aid g mpil on m e n hi ime. Yo e h mming he e nele ong of o in ead of gi ing o food beca e, once mo e, hi Long-Foo of o i no home? Si i e, go and ee he he bo h bo a e in he hokkie, I aid. Don a e he child ime, D ad a e o ed. Yo kno f ll ell M oli i i no he e. Don end he poo gi l on a ild goo e cha e. Wh d o a ha ? Yo hink if Long-bo el e e he e, he d ha e kep hi no f om he mea hi long? D ad a co led. Yo kno hi h oa i a magne , he e mea i conce ned. I ook m elf o he ki chen. D ad a po a al of M oli i a acc a e eno gh. B he bo g eed, hi lo e of mea , all hi did no conce n me igh no . Wha did, and did o i h painf l genc , e e hi he eabo . I di hed p and e a e in ilence. I co ld ha dl allo a ingle poonf l of ha food. The ho gh of M oli i abo on a nigh ch a hi a oo p e ing fo o d . I n e led me all igh .
A I go ead fo bed, hea a m hea i h he kno ledge ha ho o and abomina ion had aken place a one h o a a f om m home. No j beca e of he iolence. Fo ea . . . man , man ea , e ha e li ed i h iolence. Thi a no hing ne o . Wha a ne a ha hi ime, he ic im a hi e. A hi e pe on killed in G g le , a black o n hip. Killed, f om all acco n , fo no ea on a all. Killed, in fac , hile doing good. . . helping he people of he o n hip. B hen again, e en ha a no o all ne , a i ?
Hayi, ilishwa, eMonti! Hayi, ilishwa, eMonti! Hayi, ilishwa, eMonti, eMonti, eMonti!
B ha a o long ago, ha mi fo ne in Ea London. So long, long ago. In a fa -a a o n I had ne e een. Nea e home. In 1960 e a ho li le di e ence i made o black people ha ome hi e e e mpa he ic o hei ca e. Th ee o ng n e , ne in he co n , hea d of he a oci ie he police and a m e e in ic ing on he Af ican people in Langa. No do b , hinking he p e ence of o ide migh ac a a de e en , he came o bea i ne . Nea he Fla , he e bachelo e e ho ed, a g o p of Af ican men, bea ing ick and God onl kno ha el e, came pon hem. And bea hem. Th ee defencele , na med omen. Bea en b a oop of men. One e ed a b oken ja . Ano he , e e al deep c a he back of he head. The hi d, a p in e , i ed an ankle. A oon a ho e poo omen e e di cha ged f om ho pi al, he lef he co n . Back o Belgi m.
The nigh i ie , p nc a ed no and hen b he o nd of g n e. No hing n al abo ha he e da , no in G g le . A la , D ad a a k , Whe e i hi bo ? Which bo ? I kno pe fec l ell he mean M oli i. D ad a ha mph and a no a o d mo e. B he e ion he ha a ked and hich I e dodged an e ing hang be een a hick a a c ain. I don kno he he he come in o no , I en e a la , nea i h he p egnan ilence. Mmmh-mmhh, D ad a clea hi h oa . Tha le me kno he i abo o ell me ome hing he belie e i impo an . He an me o pa a en ion. I en e, an in i ible hand i hing e e hing in ide m omach. Be ca ef l, a m h band in he da k, fo e e al ead blo n he candle o . Thi child, al a agabonding in he middle of he nigh . . . I ell o , Mo he of Si i e, ma k m o d , he ill b ing o a big o ble one da . Wi h ha , he n and face he all, gi ing me hi i back. I do no like M oli i galli an ing p and do n he o n hip like a o ha li e ed d ing a d o gh , an mo e han D ad a doe . I do no like he ec e i ene ha ha c ep in o hi manne , of la e. B he e I nd m elf defending him, All he child en a e like ha , he e da . In a ho , D ad a i p a ho gh a nake i i hing benea h him. Then, he appea o change hi mind and emain ilen . . . deep in ho gh . A min e o o la e , he igh , goe back nde he blanke and a , He , Mo he of Si i e, do o hea o elf? Do o hea ha o e a ing? I emain ilen . I do no kno ho o e pond o hi e ion. Le me ell o ome hing, ife of mine, a he ie l . Ve ie l . Tha i no he an e of a i e mo he . I am ng o e o , Wha do o hink I ho ld do? He i no mall bo , o kno ? Yo a e ill hi mo he . And o ? The min e he o d e e o of m mo h, I eg e ed hem. D ad a i good o m child en . . . o all h ee child en. I i no hi fa l ha M oli i i o di obedien . He doe no ea him an di e en l f om he o he o. The bo can acc e him of being o e l ic , ing , o an hing el e, b in all hone , he canno a ha he ea hem in an a di e en f om ho he ea hi o n child, Si i e. Af e m o b , e fell in o an nea ilence. I co ld no b ing m elf o apologi e. I co ld onl imagine ha a going on in hi mind. B he e a M oli i? Wha a he doing he e e he a ? Wh had he no come home? Wh did he a o o la e, de pi e he n me o alking- o e had gi en him? The e e ion dogged me all nigh , and he aced h o gh m mind a I la ide-e ed i h leeple ne . When I a in chool, b he ea end one had no e lea n he name of all he child en in he cla . Tha ho ife o e c o ding a in o chool , ho bad he ed ca ion of he Af ican child a e en a back hen. Thi i ha happened one ea d ing he ann al i i of he chool in pec o : Who e e he alle , he Ho en o o he B hmen? a ked o eache , anding behind he chool in pec o , i ing a he eache able. O hand e p, e en Mehlo, he cla d lla d, had hi hand p. Ye ? aid Mi Mabanga, poin ing o one of he p pil . The Ho en o ! came he an e . The in pec o lef he cla oom and e all b ea hed a igh of elief ha he o deal a o e . Ho cle e of he eache o ho he an e , ai ing he a m p in he ai a he aid he o d Ho en o and lo e ing he a m on B hmen. Wi h he pa age of ime, o chool onl g e o e. In 1976, den o e in e ol and, befo e long, Ban Ed ca ion had comple el collap ed. I had become ed ca ion in name onl . M on, M oli i, i en . Ye he i ill in S anda d 6. S anda d 6! A ho gh he e e el e o hi een ea old. B hen, he i no alone, nei he i he he olde den in hi cla . T en . And ill in S anda d 6. And I am no a ing he i he b igh e p pil in hi cla ei he . Bo co , ike and indi e ence ha e plag ed he chool in he la o decade . O child en ha e paid he p ice. And your daughter, did she not go to school? Couldn’t she see all the signs telling her this is a place where only black people live? Add to that, where was her natural sense of unease? Did she not feel awkward, a sh out of water, here? That should have been a warning to her . . . a warning to stay out. Telling her the place was not for her. It was not safe for the likes of her. Oh, why did she not stay out? Why? Why did she not keep o ?
L ing in bed, con empla ing he e en of he da , a m ch a I nde ood hem, I a ama ed a ho an o dina da can n op - i h no a ning a all. I d had no nigh ma e, no p emoni ion, no fo eboding he nigh befo e. No p e cience ha mo ning. No fo e igh ha oe e h o gho ha da . . . a Wedne da . In fac , n il Madam ne pec ed e n, all a ell i h m li le o ld. Un il he came and d agged me o of he ki chen and o he ain a ion o ge m b home, d i ing a ho gh he de il him elf e e af e he . Ye , ill hen, i had been an o dina da o dina , in he con e of o li e ha ha e become i e comple and fa f om o dina . Look no . Look ha he child en ha e done! Poo , poo child. The one ho i dead. Poo child. And he pa en . I feel fo he pa en . Fo he pa en of hi poo child, killed b o child en. M hea o o fo hem. Fo he mo he . The ha oc o child en a e i i ing pon o home ha made hell-hole of he e ho e in hich he li e i h he ad l ho b o gh hem in o hi o ld. In ole able. The child en, in hei ne -fo nd i dom and glo , ha e decided ha all pa en ca a d he e hei b ain ed o be. In hi ne o ld of conf ion compo nded, he child en a e aided and abe ed b ad l e call leade . Leade of he comm ni . Women and men e all look p o . . . o ho ld. People ho e o d and deed e em la e . . . follo i ho e ion. Make he co n ngo e nable! So aid he leade . I don kno abo he go e nmen no . Whe he o no i i coping i h he a k of ling he co n , I canno a . B I do kno ha e, pa en , ha e become oo hle dog ho e ba k no one heed . Ho did i all a ? Ho did i begin? Whe e e e e hen he p oblem c oo h? When i appea ed in o mid ? The an e o ha i e ea . Wha i no , a e he h and he efo e behind i . B e en ha , e , e en ha e can an e . Fi , o child en oned ca . We chee ed hem on. The ca e e no o ca , he e e no he ca of o neighbo o o f iend , he e e he ca of hi e people.
Hayi, ilishwa, eMonti! Hayi, ilishwa, eMonti! Hayi, ilishwa! EMonti, eMonti, eMonti!
Bamtshis’ uSista! EMonti! Bamtshis’ uSista! EMonti! Bamtshis’ uSista! EMonti, eMonti, eMonti! Oh, ha abominable mi fo ne in Ea London! The b n a n n in Ea London!
I a e o ng hen he eache made ing ha ong. Seem o long ago no . I can emembe ho e hea d abo he e en ha in pi ed i , ho gh. No e ha e adio and ele i ion, b ho did ne a el back hen? T a el ch di ance oo? Ea London i a good one ho and kilome e a a f om Cape To n. I hink I kno ho e m ha e hea d. In all p obabili , he ne came o ia ome maid o o he pe of e an , people emplo ed in hi e home . The o ld ha e been old b hei emplo e . I o ld ha e been an e en of hich he mlungu oman o he mlungu man o ld ha e fel compelled o info m he o hi e an . See ha ho e na i e (I belie e ha a he e m hen) ha e gone and done? J ee ha he ha e done! M de ing a poo , defencele oman, a oman of God. And ha a he ing o do? Help hem, fo c ing o alo d. B , in o chool, e ang he ong of he n n ho a killed b black people, Af ican , in fa -a a Ea London. Sang he ong hen no one of he eache had aken he o ble of e plaining o ha he people of Ea London ho ld no ha e done ha .
AmaBhulu, azizinja! Toda o h ha e been inging a di e en ong. Whi e a e dog ! No a ne ho gh , b an mean . We had aid ha all along. A fa back a I can emembe . Someone o ld come back f om o k f ming: amaBhulu azizinja, beca e of ome nfai ne he belie ed had been me ed o o hem ha da . A lap. A kick. Ded c ion f om age . A ded c ion, nei he di c ed no e plained. Unle , a g YOU ALWAYS LATE! o YOU BROKE MY PLATE! o YOU NOT VERY NICE TO MY MOTHER! ali e a e plana ion. So, e , o child en g e p in o home , he e e called hi e people dog a a ma e of idiom . . . hea - fel idiom, I can ell o . Ba ed on bi e e pe ience. AmaBhulu, azizinja! he ang. And en and b n do n hei chool . Tha ncalled fo , a fe of m mbled benea h o b ea h. Well benea h. E en o, e e e ickl ep imanded. The e a a a on. Be ide , ho e am hackle, ba en hing e e no chool . No lea ning ook place he e. B if l , o child en g ad a ed f om oning ca , hi e people ca . The g ad a ed f om ha and f om b ning b ilding . Unocc pied b ilding . P blic b ilding . No , he a ed oning black people ca . And b ning black people ho e . We ea oned ha ho e black people o hom ch a hing happened de e ed ha he go . The child en e e p ni hing hem fo one o ano he mi deed. O , indeed, ome mi deed . The had collabo a ed i h he ep e i e apa heid go e nmen . Iimpimpi, info me , e labelled he hole mi e able lo . People on hom he den igh eo and a hf l ac fell. The de e ed all he go . And hen, ome mo e. Iimpimpi, e called hem. We called hem ha , i ho angible ea on on o pa . Had he den , o child en, no old ha ? B b ning hei ca ? Wh o ld he ingle hem o fo ch ea men if i e e no fo hei g il ? We a no pa allel be een he ac ion of he child en and he i chdoc o melling o of a mthakathi, a i ch. O child en made o home he a ge of hei a h and i i ed n old de a a ion on hem. A fe of ga ped. P i a el . Safel . In he comfo ing i ola ion of o home . Wha e e e o af aid of? Wh didn e a k ho e e ion b ing in o head ? Lo d in o hea ? Demanding o a en ion. Demanding an e . F om . F om o pa en , o child en, o leade . . . he one and he ame? Wh didn e a k ho e e ion . A k hem o lo d? Oh, ha fai h e had in he in eg i of he co of p blic opinion. The majo i of , belie ing o el e afe and o nd, ea ing he hin hield of o innocence, onde ed ho o e hile f iend had fooled fo o long. Of co e, he e e ell- o . Wa n ha ha he den aid? Wa n ha h he had b n hei ho e do n? The Yo ng Lion ! We p ai ed hem. P ai ed o child en. Do n i h all iimpimpi! We echoed he logan hei mo h pe ed, he logan ha had become hei go pel. The Yo ng Lion . F om nea and fa , admi a ion fell on hei al ead ollen head . The had ackled he m ch-fea ed enem , he big gogga ha had fo o long ampled on hei pa en and on he pa en of ho e pa en . And hei befo e hem. O child en fa de cended in o ba ba i m. Wi h imp ni , he b oke i h old adi ion and c o ed he bo nda be een ha hich epa a e h man being f om bea . H manene , ubuntu, ook igh . I had been o el iola ed. I en and b ied i elf he e none of o ld ea il nd i again. Then, a man a oned. A black man f om G g le . A man no a ca . He a oned and kicked and p nched and knifed. Sen ele . P nched blind, he eeled, f mbling hi a . The child en p a ga land a o nd hi neck, an old, o n e. Then, in o he e he po ed ome li id. The f me hi he man no il . He gagged. A hi and a a h. WH-H-HOO-OO-OSHH! In a aming heap, he man fell o he g o nd. Chee o e f om he c o d. The child en d e nea e and nea e . Nea e o he g e i hing on he g o nd. G o e e, mo lde ing magne . The pec a o e e po i i el me me i ed, da led b he b illiance of hei handi o k. D nk i h po e . Click-click! Wo ld o belie e h man being ha e he capaci o and ill long eno gh o ake aim and hoo ch a ho i c, ma o -chilling cene? Take pic e ? In ead of e ing he poo pe on o of hi mi e ? Click-click! en he came amen e e al f om a io ne pape f om all a o nd Cape To n. The bea if l ci of Cape To n. Click-Click! The jo led each o he fo be e po i ion , a be e angle. THE NECKLACE. A ne ph a e a coined. Ve b: To necklace. Necklacing. Necklace . Necklaced. A ne ph a e a bo n. Shin b and ne necklace. Mo e deadl han g n. The necklace. Tha i ha e cho e o call o g illo ine. Necklace. Wha an innocen - o nding no n. Who co ld imagine i ne meaning? J a e kep on calling, in i ed on calling, he people ho did he necklacing child en den com ade , e called a ba ba ic ac he necklace, p o ec ing o ea f om a eali oo g e ome o hea ; clo hing a anic deed i h innocen appa el. No man of o leade came o and ac all condemned he deed. Indeed, he e e e ho e ho ac all appla ded he me hod, he inno a i e manne of killing a h man being, of doing a a i h ho e i h hom one a in di ag eemen . The aid i o ld lead o f eedom. Ho e e , o hi da , I ha e ne e hea d i aid ha e en one of he opp e o a necklaced. I had no kno n ha i a o o n people ho ood in he a of he f eedom e all aid e de i ed. Mean hile, oon o he e e imila l ga landed. All ho e ingled o fo hi fo m of e ec ion, e e h ado ned i h he ick, aming and ca e ing colo . Wi ho bene of ial, i h nei he j dge no j . No d e p oce . No eco e o defence o appeal. H man being e e mma il m de ed No, necklaced. Q i e di e en ha i o a ing omeone ha been m de ed o killed. Necklaced. I i mo e pala able? The migh police appea ed impo en . The did no hing abo he necklacing, o did o li le a o make no di e ence. J ice a on holida . O b i h mo e de e ing ma e : e o i ho, a he in iga ion of fo eign meddle , e peciall comm ni , e e planning o o e h o he go e nmen . And, of co e, al a he e e e he pa o ence . A a a going on, he child en aid. The e e gh ing he apa heid go e nmen . 6 4 am Th da 26 A g 1993
The hin g een a m of he ala m clock ne o he bed a i i half-pa - h ee. Long befo e m ake- p ime. B I m ide-e ed p. I ll call i p al ho gh Lo d onl kno if I e e a do n. Thi nigh j pa , D ad a and I nall fell in o an e ha ed, ne e- acked and llen ilence. I a n long he eaf e , and I hea d him no e. T pical. I ble he candle o and a ched he d ing glo of he ape . When i nall b ea hed i la , i eemed o gi e bi h o a hickening in he ai . In he da k, he mell of b ning a af ed lo l ill i hi he bed. Imagining i ae ial a el, in he gloom, I a ed a hape ca o ing h o gh he oom, m fan a o king o e ime. I g e ome ime be een hen and no I m ha e ca gh ome leep. F om he a I feel, ho e e , n mbne mo e han leep i ha m ha e come o e me e en all . M e e ma a ho gh I d pen he nigh cooking o e an open e in a indo le h ing ood ha I d lef o in he ain. The m cle ppo ing he neck ell me I e been anding on m head h o gho he nigh . B he pale ligh of he moon, he oom i ca in he hin gloom of almo - he e ligh . Wha oke me p? E en he bi d ha e no e beg n hei mo ning chi ping and i e ing. In he fogg ece e of m mind, he e i a ha g oping, a eaching, a ea ching fo ome hing ha i and lip f he and a a , al a j o of m g a p. Wha oke me p? D eam o ome hing eal? Wha ? Wha ? In he annel pe icoa in hich I d lep I i a ho gh ca ed in one, m leg dangling do n he ide of he bed. Behind me, D ad a b ea hing i ead and of . . . calm a a ne -bo n babe . Some people cool! I am no one of ho e people. All nigh long I f e ed, o ed and ned in m half- leep, half- o ied-o - of-m -mind a e. No m h band. Hi capaci fo leep i l ama ing. He a all ha loading and o -loading of ca go on o and f om he hip ap e e o nce of hi eng h. A oon a he op in o bed, clo e hi e e , he i immedia el na ched in o he ea of nkno ing. I o k a ha d. B doe ha gi e me hi h ge appe i e fo leep? A o nd hi m ea . No lo d, b ill noi e he e, b a ho momen befo e, dea hlike ilence eigned. The o nd i m ed, b he e. S ddenl , I kne . Tha o nd! Tha i ha oke me p. The ame o nd. Ye , e , ha i . I co ld ea i i he o nd of a ca doo being h . Ca ef ll . Ve , e ca ef ll . S eal hil ? No I m all ea . Wai ing fo ano he ep i io , e e o ligh cla h . . . m ed . . . a ca doo clo ing. Will he e be ano he , I onde . M oli i? B ca ? Tho gh of ca -hijacking ood m mind. Hea en fo bid! And ho e can n na . B M oli i i no a bad bo . No a all a bad bo . J a o ng pe on aken p i h hi b ine of poli ic . A all he den ha e been he e pa en ea o o. Wh , onl o eek ago, did he no i k hi life a ing a gi l f om a g o p of men ho an ed o ape he ? I ain m ea , hoping o ca ch he ligh e o nd. Silence. In m mind e e, ho e e , I ee people app oach he ho e. The e, he climb o e he lo fence, a oiding he ga e le i c eak . I ai fo he ine i able foo fall. Who a e he and ha do he an ? Co ld i be M oli i? Did he e e come home la nigh ? The onl an e o m f an ic e ion i an ee ie ilence ha blanke he p e-da n ai , p hing he all of he ho e in a d . . . in a d . . . and e e in a d. Thi i no longe he ilence of befo e ha e e noi e hi m ea . Thi ilence i f a gh i h all manne of po ibili b bbling i h da k, hado happening ha fo ce o e e o c eam and ea o ea . Happening ha ill loo en ome ong e , e hem agging fo ea o come, hile o he i ill ill . . . ill a e ec i el a he ong e of izithunzela. M hea i a i chdoc o d m. The ilence i oca ing. Sca . The l ll be een he h nde -clap and he on la gh of hail. GQWAA! GQWAA-GQWAA! BANG! CLANG-BANG! On doo . On indo . On all. A once, he hole a d i ali e and clamo o . Back and f on . To che hine h o gh he bed oom indo , accompanied b lo d, n l ap kn ckle and ick ielded i h en h ia m f om he o nd of i . I hea he ame noi e coming f om he di ec ion of he o he oom . The ho e i comple el o nded. Mo e han he noi e, ho e e , i i he im l aneo na e of i occ ence, he in en i of he on la gh , ha f ee e he ma o in m bone . D ad a leap o of bed. He i naked a he da he a bo n. M h band doe no belie e in p jama . He de e nde ea , calling he ho pai of pan he i fo ced o ea benea h hi long pan omen d a e . If h be kno n, he hole concep of clo hing i ana hema o hi na e. If God had an ed h man being clo hed, he d ha e gi en hem f o ome o he kind of co e a He did i h animal , i hi con an ide hene e he bjec come p. If i e e no fo he fac ha in hi job he of en ha o ip o he ai , I m e he o ld no bo he ea ing nde pan . E en a D ad a g ab hi pan , hich he d h o n o e a chai he p e io nigh , and kick hi leg in o hem, Si i e ddenl come cha ging in o he oom. Ne hing I kno , he e he i clambe ing igh in o he bed, in o he pace aca ed b he fa he b a momen befo e. She i himpe ing and haking like a leaf blo n abo b a e ce o h-ea e gale. I p m hand o e he mo h, hake m head a he hile, i h m o he hand, I pa he on he back. Pa he a ho gh I e e p ing a li le bab o leep. The e i a f e h ba age f om o ide. Lo d, g oice demand, Open p! Open p! The e i ang h dding and banging again he back doo , a ho gh omeone e e b ing hi ho lde again i i h all hi migh . P hing again i . Fo cing he doo open. B eaking in b fo ce. Yea ago, he e o ld ha e been no e ion in m mind ha hi a a police aid. Ho e e , i h hing ha he a e he e da , ha he ha e become, ho can be e? I i no nhea d of ha skollies, hooligan , common c iminal o com ade come di g i ed a police. And, a ime , i i ha d o kno hich i o e. To be f ied ali e i a e ible hing and li le olace can come f om he kno ledge ha one die a he hand of one o n g o p, gh ing fo e e bod f eedom? Who ha ? D ad a, ho b no ha hi pan and a hi on, call o in he da k. A he o nd of hi oice, he commo ion op . Police! Open p! Is i he police? . . . A hi ime? A ne fea ab m hea . M oli i! Did he e n la nigh ? Ha ome hing happened o m child? In he back of m mind I kno ha he police o ldn come like hi , in he middle of he nigh , o ell abo ome hing happening o M oli i. Coming! m h band ho back, in an e o he e mp ion of he clango o ap , hich a e, if an hing, mo e fe ocio hi ime. I each fo he bo of ma che nde m pillo , ike a ma ch, and ligh he candle. Tha i hen I eali e ha I ho ld p on a d e . . . ha I am no d e ed o ha e ange men e e ake o e m bod . In he f ail and el c an ligh of he candle, no one peak . No one ha o d o a . Ho e e , he e a e e ion galo e. Q e ion . F igh f l, f igh ening e ion cha e each o he . In o e e . Wide i h fea and app ehen ion. B he e a e no an e he e. No in an of he elo en e e . Onl e ion . D ad a n on hi heel and lea e he oom. A econd la e , I hea him nbol he ki chen doo . S ddenl , he e i a lo d c a h. Wha d o hink o e doing? I hea D ad a ang ho . Don o ee ha I m opening he doo ? Wh do o b eak m doo ? he bello . C-R-R-AA-A-CK! The o nd of ood connec ing i h bone. Uhh-h h! Foo ep . A ho de of fee , ma ching, ampling o e he ooden oo of he ki chen. Bold and ang foo ep en e he dining- oom. The e going o kill ! Mama, he e going o kill ! The nea e he foo ep come, he lo de Si i e c eam . He e e a e ild i h fea . S hh! I a , bending o e he bed and cooping he in o m a m . S hhh! I ag a e n nge a he hen p i on m po ed lip . Cl ching he blanke igh l a o nd he , he nod . Se e al ime apidl , he head goe p and do n. He e e a e ide han he Saha a. We aid open p an ho ago! The oice boom a ho gh coming h o gh a lo d peake ; m hea op ; he all of he ho e hi e . The e i no an e f om D ad a. Wh did o ake ch a long ime? Wha ah o ing o hide? Th nk! The o nd of a boo connec ing o b i ickl follo ed b he c aping of he oo a a chai o ome o he hea objec o e n . Th o gh he ligh l open doo , agi a ed beam da back and fo h, ill mining he pi ch black of he dining- oom; a he of ligh ning pea ing an ink nigh . I an o c eam, b he e i a f og a he back of m h oa . I na ch he candle ick. The mo emen i ab p and nplanned; i f igh en he candle, p e i mm and i e p , pe ing mol en la a hich cald he back of m hand. Figh ing back he inging ea , I bi e m lo e lip. Si i e ha p in ake of b ea h o nd like a ni . I pee a he . Make m e e ha d, a ign ha ell he Don Mo e! Then, holding he candle ick high, I make m a o he f on oom. An a m of policemen ha aken he dining- oom o e . I a policemen, fo e en in he e a ic and ne enl a hing ligh he glimme and gli e of b a epa le e i nmi akable. Eno gh of he men a e in police nifo m, al ho gh j a man a e in plain clo he . Wha a elief o ee ha o i i o a e, indeed, he la . Ho e e , if on he ep of ha elief came app ehen ion. Ye , he e e e police, b . . . ha did ha mean? The police a e no ec i o in G g le if come he co ec ion a I emembe people killed b he police . . . incl ding child en. M amo. Za i. The police e en killed impo an people like Biko. E en impo an hi e people, ome ime . Tha ha people a . Al ho gh e do no kno he name of ho e hi e people, b e kno ha he oo e e killed. Ala m a ed bi e in m mo h. Wha did he police an ? And h o man of hem? Wha did he an ? And h hi p e-da n aid on o ho e? The police e e e e he e; b he e a D ad a? In he fo e of bl e-clad leg , b mbling bodie and a hing o che , he eemed o ha e di appea ed. Mean hile, m en ance eemed o ha e ignalled an open in i a ion o he bed oom, he oom I had j lef . Unce emonio l ho ing me o he ide, h ee o fo of he men hed in, b andi hing hei o che . I ned o follo hem. Ano he p hed pa me, ending he candle ick ki e ing on he oo , pl nging he oom in da kne comple e da kne a e fo he a hing ligh of he o che . Wi ho hinking, I fell do n on all fo , meaning o e ie e he candle ick. A hopele a k ince he fall had n ed he candle o . The dden da k, hicke han befo e I d li he candle. J hen, o o nd hi m ea : a lo d c a h f om he back a d. In an l , I kne ha omeone had b oken he hokkie doo do n. And Si i e c eam. I fo go h I a on he oo , hand blindl g oping a o nd in he himme - lled, plin e ed da k, hand dodging ang ap of o che . . . ea ching. In one econd a , I each he bed. Si i e i no longe he e. E en i h he fain and icke ing ligh of he e le beam , I ee ha he bed i ba e. Ne e hele , I g ope all o e he bed. All he hile, an nhol din d e he ai . Boo hamme he oo , boo kick a ha f ni e he e i in he ho e, ending hing c a hing again all , colliding i h each o he and cla e ing on o oo . Plank c eak and g oan. Wall e e be a e hile he e ai g o hick and a m. A la ge, nf iendl hand g ab m neck, apling e h and ga men . A a pin lif ed b a magne , I am na ched f om he bed. Onl o be d mped on he oo . The ame hand (o i b o he o co in) cla p i elf o m ho lde and ha l me p . . . d ag me b mpi -b mp along he oo . O of he bed oom, h o gh he dining- oom and in o he ki chen. Me cif ll , hi oom i no all li p. Eno gh o che in ead hand beam he e. A hole klomp of policemen line he oom, doing no hing e cep hold hei o che high. M e e da abo , ea ching fo he gi l. Ho e e , he ea ch i di p ed a one of he men a k : Whe e i he? The oice i ai ed and ang . I i a hideo oice, i e a ling. The e i ome hing no h man abo i . And one look a hi face and o kno he obbed ome poo b ll f og of hi . . . and an o fo hi neck and e e . Whe e i he? b llf og-face na l a me. Onl , he na l i no a all cce f l i i a c o be een a g o l and a b a . The oice come aigh f om a donke . Whe e i ho? I a k, p ing m a m ac o m face o hield m e e f om he ligh of he o ch ained ha d on hem. Thi bo of o ? Which one? Wat is die jong se naam, jy? He add e e him elf o one of he Af ican policemen he e. UM oli i, Mama, he Af ican policeman, gi e he an e di ec l o me. Whe e i he? Donke Voice gla e a me. I don kno , I epl , hf ll . Q ick a a ink, I feel he ing of hi beef hand. M face i on e. E en o, l ing on he oo , I onde Whe e did ha come f om? Wha ama ing if ne f om omeone of ch gi h! C a , he ho gh ha a ail one . . . c a and incong o a a momen like hi . On he all and ceiling of he nli oom, he n ead , icke ing o ch beam pain hin, elonga ed, gho -pale g e . The g e fein and dance and gail f olic. A I ge ed o he ligh f om hi an age, I ee ha D ad a and he child en a e he e . . . he o o nge child en. Of co e, M oli i i ill God onl kno he e. Ab dl , ha i hen I eali e ha I am l ing in ha pool of ligh i h no hing on b he annel pe icoa , hin i h ea , ha do ble a nigh ie b nigh .
Had he police been ea ching fo a needle, he co ld no ha e been mo e me ic lo . The p ac icall p lled he ho e apa ; o e ma e , pillo , he doo o a d obe and he lining o coa hanging in ho e a d obe . The looked in bed , he looked nde bed , and he ook he ceiling do n and pee ed be een he af e . The p lled he oo boa d p. The knocked a all do n. O ide in he back a d, he impl di man led he bo hokkie. The o e he plank o , b eaking each and e e one of hem. B eaking hem o ha e o ld ne e be able o p hem oge he again. Tha hokkie o ld ha e o be b il p f om c a ch. S a ing i h ge ing ne plank , ne ca dboa d, and a lo of nail be ide . When he e e i e a i ed M oli i a no in he ho e, no in he hokkie, no in he ga den, he bea p L nga al ho gh e old hem o e and o e again ha he a no M oli i . . . no he bo he e e looking fo . The bea p L nga e en ho gh e old hem hi name a L nga and no M oli i. The bea him p beca e, a he aid, he ho ld ha e kno n hi b o he he eabo . Yo m be o b o he keepe , ma’an! aid one, la ghing p oa io l . O he i e, ha kind a e b o he o a e, he ? We a e i ed of hi andaz’, andaz’ of o people, ano he h e in, a he lef . A la .
No he e e gone. The police e e gone. Gone o he e e he had come f om. We co ld no . No, no . We co ld ne e go back o ho e e e befo e he had come. We co ld ne e go back o ha ime o place. No hing o ld e e be he ame fo . We had been h led headlong in o he e e of a aging o m. 7 From the beginning, this child has been nothing but trouble. But you have to understand my son. Understand the people among whom he has lived all his life. Nothing my son does surprises me any more. Not after that rst unbelievable shock, his implanting himself inside me; unreasonably and totally destroying the me I was. The me I would have become.
T o ble come hick a he hai of a ell-fed dog, m people a . In 1973, he ce ainl did fo me. Fif een. I a onl f een. B ha i he ea m on a bo n. Jan a 4 h. And all I had fea ed a he beginning of he p e io ea a he mon e of a eache I a ge ing, ic M Va i. I a hi een, almo fo een, Jan a 1972. Abo o a he nal cla of P ima School. I a going in o S anda d Si and, come ea end, o ld i fo e e nal e amina ion . A no in igni can ep, a Mama eminded me dail : Gone i he ime fo pla ing. Mama had high hope fo me . . . fo bo h of , m b o he and me. O pa en belie ed ha ed ca ion o ld f ee f om he la e ha a hei lo a ned ca ed labo e . Ye , e had o plan . B he ea had i plan oo; nbekno n o , of co e. Looking back, I don e en kno he e o a . Whe e o la a nge and a , hi i he e hing began o n a el fo me. B , of one hing I am ce ain: 1972 de ni el deli e ed mo e han I had ba gained fo . Ho e e , hing began going all a f om he p e io Feb a 1971, hen m moon ime appea ed. Tha a bad l ck n mbe one. A ha p ide-do n ea limped o an end, e en he long mme holida p omi ed li le ep ie e f om he enn i b o gh b Mama con an o ha I o ld ge p egnan . No ha I d gi en he an ea on o hink like ha . B e e hing abo me eemed o p e he he e da . Then, m be f iend and I had a fall o . On he da of he ea , oo. Ne Yea Da , 1972. Bad l ck n mbe o. We had gone o he beach, a a c oma hen. Teenage con e ged a he beach d ing ha e called he Big Da , he p blic holida o e he Ch i ma ea on. Tha da I di co e ed ha Nono had a h ge ec e f om me. She a m b o he gi lf iend. I fel ch a fool. The o had been eeing each o he fo mon h . Nono coming o e o m home, p e ending he a coming o ee me. Kha a, m pid b o he , j happening o be he e. Oh, fo eek he eaf e I o ld no peak o he . A fa a I a conce ned, he had be a ed me in he o po ible a . . . i h m b o he . So, fo a hile, I a a lone beca e, of m chool f iend , Nono a he onl one ho li ed clo e b . One da , Mama en me o Cla emon , he hi e b b he e e did g oce hopping. Imagine m p i e and deligh hen I an in o a fo me cla ma e f om he halc on Blo lei da . Thi a a a he a e e pe ience, one of en accompanied b p omi e of a ing in o ch fo e e he eaf e , No ha e e fo nd each o he again . Ho e e , i h no phone o mone i h hich o ake he occa ional b ip and i i one ano he , main aining ie co ld no and did no happen. In ha a a fond fanc , a feeble a emp o hide o emba a men a ea ning fo he impo ible, e d a o each o he on ch occa ion , Come and i i me! We d a ha , no eall e pec ing ha e e e a king fo o happen . . . No belie ing i o ld. And he an e , e all imple and ea and impo ible, Soon, ne e failed o come. Soon! o S e! S ella and I had ha ed a de k ince S b-S anda d A, he ea of chool, n il, i h he fo ced emo al , e e e epa a ed. I a half- a h o gh m e and , alking along he Main Road, hen I hea d a oice hail me f om behind. Time impl fell a a . I a ng back in o hen and he e . . . o ha a m and familia place . . . o ha o he ime, ha had been o m ch ee e . Tha oice a once che and ob a ho gh he o ne e ed f om a pe pe al cold b had l ng he i e of an elephan ha oice ha eminded one of an o gan . . . ne e a p e no e o i b fa f om f ail. I hi led a o nd and he e h ee-fo me e behind me, on he o he ide of he ee , leg ben o back a d a knee a ho gh b acing he elf o hea e a migh eigh p a d, he e he a . E ci edl , e a ed a each o he in be een gap made b pa ing ca and b ling pede ian . A once, S ella indica ed b a e of hand, hooing me o a p , ha he o ld c o o e o m ide of he ee . Ho long had i been ince I d la een he ? A ea ? Mo e? M hea doing he g m-boo dance, I ai ed. A la , he e he a , igh be ide me. We h gged and ki ed, na hamed ea eaming do n o cheek . Then e epped back, he be e o ee. We held each o he a a m leng h. We e e bo h a lo alle and ca ied a lo mo e e h on he bone han e emembe ed each o he . Ackno ledging he emendo change ha had aken place in o bodie , e miled kno ingl . The a a b agga of a bo o ld ho o , S ella hooked h mb a ho lde , digging benea h he blo e, and p lled: thwack! M mo h fell open. Yo ea a b a? He b o ho p a d. Of co e, he aid, lip lo l p eading ide a , cha ing he ea . A m l ng ca ele l a o nd each o he ho lde , e olled o CNA book hop o ge Mama ho e- acing ca d. Thi a m la e and and S ella had al ead ni hed ha e e b ine had b o gh he o Cla emon . On o a back he a e had come, no going o he b e , S ella ddenl opped, looked a me e e idened comicall and hi pe ed, Le go o e he e. She a poin ing a a f om he di ec ion of he b e min . My b o ho p, hi ime. Yo kno ho no he e oppie a e, he an e ed m n oiced e ion. Al ho gh e had al a fel ha ad l e e meddle ome, I didn ecall o e e ac all eeing f om hem in he old da nle , b a pla , e e e dodging being called home. Wh o ld he be a oiding g o n p no ? Wha e e fo ? I a ked. J come! No ai ing fo m e pon e, S ella lead he a p S a ion Road and o a d Sain Sa io Anglican Ch ch behind he hopping a ea. I follo ed he and e alked p he oad and in o he ch ch ga den . A oon a e d fo nd a ea , m f iend hed o a mall packe of ciga e e and a bo of ma che f om he b a. Don be ch a bab , he aid o m in ol n a ga p of a oni hmen . Yo moke? The ill e ion lipped pa m lip . I fel ch a clo . Wh i i ha a mo h doe n come f ni hed i h a lid o ip? Lip can be o inade a e. Thi a one of ho e ime I kne mine o ld ce ainl ha e done i h a mo e ec e g a d. S ella ble moke igh in o m face. I g e ha a a ing an e o a d mb e ion. I mo ed back; liding along he bench ill I a a foo o o a a f om he . She did no a emp o clo e he gap m mo ing a a had c ea ed. The ciga e e moke c led p, fo ming a ha c een in f on of he face, making he e e in and c . She looked o g o n p, all of a dden. D o kno ha Top op ha a omach? he a ked. No, he doe n ! I mo ed back, clo e o he again. Yo e p lling m leg! I ga e m f iend a ha d, ea ching look. Top op a o age. Ho co ld he be e pec ing a bab ? B S ella nodded e e al ime lo l . Ye , he doe , he aid, again blo ing o moke. Then he an e ed a e ion I had no e en ho gh of a king. M bo f iend a gh me, and p lled ha d on he ciga e e. S ella a ed nea man of he people f om Blo lei. The familie ha had go in o conc e e ho e f om he o d go, fo med a li le cl e , an encla e i hin he o n hip. The e en called ha pa of G g le Blo lei. The li an of di a e a endle . Nomabhel , ano he e - Blo lei gi l, had been ma ied o o a man old eno gh o be he fa he , S ella aid. And on and on and on. None of he ne I a ge ing a chee ing. S ella didn eem o ha e an hing o ell me ha a f nn , happ , o ca ef ee. P oblem af e p oblem, ha all he alked abo . And I a o e o . I had no ne o gi e he . . . no hing ha , in ligh of he a ling e ela ion , eemed a all impo an . We e e bo h ie a e alked back o he Main Road and o a d he b e . I ppo e e bo h e e a li le ad a he imminen pa ing. I kno I a ome ha bd ed f om all he e hing I had hea d. S ddenl , S ella opped alking and c ied o , Oh, I nea l fo go ! A bo of co ghing fo ced a pa e befo e he con in ed. Did I ell o ha Si L l pa ed a a ? A look of adne pa ed o e he face. Ve b ie . One econd, i a he e, he ne , gone. Had I imagined i ? M omach pl nged o m knee . I d opped he bag of g oce ie I a ca ing fo m a m had died hile he nge of m hand changed o i he ed mp , o all i ho feeling. Wha-aa ? I hea d an nfamilia oice c oak. Ja, S ella h gged. La mon h. She and one of he in . The one called G g le , nogal . Incong o l , he miled. Tha i , I a he lip e ch ide a , ba ing he ee h. B a fo he e e , ha e e l ked he e, ho e e b ie , ho i ed me. The f he hing f om a mile I d e e een. Since hen, I ha e e e onl een ch once o ice. Tho e e e b ned i h an in en e and gen ha e. A m de o enom. Ho e e , he ne momen , he e e e ned hem el e o hei fo me look. Gone, he e ce loa hing. And hile ome he e in he deep ece e of m addled b ain I feebl g oped fo nde anding, S ella added: Yo do emembe , he had in ? B o ai ed, e e idened in e ion, he a ked. All I co ld do i hake m head. No ha I mean ha I did no emembe . Indeed, I emembe ed onl oo ell. The in , nicknamed G g le and Blo lei, beca e people o e one a bo n in Blo lei and he o he in G g le . Of co e, ha an e agge a ion, he e e ho old hen he came o G g le . S ill, i a a of emembe ing, I ppo e, ho he had o n o obe he la a oon a he e e bo n. G g le and Blo lei. And no li le G g le and hi mo he e e no mo e. La e , hen I old Mama abo Si L l , he aid, God! e e been o di pe ed, o di ided and ca e ed in hi place, e hea of ch ad ne mon h and mon h af e he e en and af e he pe on been long b ied. She opped and looked a me . . . b he e e aid he a looking fa a a . She a o o ng. Poo L l , he hook he head. Wonde ha ill happen o he child en no . Mama oice had aged. I had become he mo he , Makh l oice: hin, nce ain, di an and nfoc ed. Hea ing bad ne al a make me pid. I a ho gh m mind ef e o ake in ce ain ma e ha i nd nbea able. I a onl da la e ha I a ked m elf ho Si L l and he bab e e b ied. Thi ime of ea , I kne , Bhut Willie a a a a ea. Who had een o hei f ne al? Co ld mo he and on ha e been b ied i ho him? If o, ha did ha mean? Had he been old of he dea h ? Ho ? Wo ld he e n one da o nd he no longe had a ife? Find one of hi h ee bo al o dead? Half hi famil a gone?
I eall mean o i i S ella. Tha o ld ho Nono I didn need he . B , angel , i a ha mee ing ha p Nono and me oge he again. Fo hen I a he nea he ba h oom , he e he and o and ho e of he o neighbo be een con e ge, I co ldn help bl ing o : Kno ha ? I a S ella in Cla emon , e e da . And ha a he beginning of he end of o ill a el. Which a emendo good l ck, fo me, a hing ned o . A ne bo a i ed f om he illage of Cala. Hand ome a p ing ea he , and a pop la . B i a me China cho e fo a gi lf iend. I, ho had ne e befo e had a bo in e e ed in he in he hole long life. Bli a m name. Onl o ble, bo f iend e e fo bidden. Mama o ld kill me if he fo nd o . I a n e en e ha Kha a o ldn ell Mama if he kne . Nono a m onl all . Dea , da ling Nono. And I e needed an all . Mama had become i e n ea onable. E e ince m moon ime came. Wi h he coming of he ed mon hl i i o , Mama en be e k, I ea . Ne e le a bo come an he e nea o . Do o hea me? She aid, Yo ill ha e a omach if o do. Fo mon h , he eaf e , I en a o nd a oiding o ching, e en hand , i h an bo . Incl ding m o n b o he . I a Nono ho e plained ha Mama mean . Mama ho ed o d o m ch, one o ld ha e ho gh he co ld ha e done a be e job e plaining hi hole b ine o me. B ha a no he a of doing hing . No a fa a m being in dange a conce ned. She eemed o hink each ime I lef he ho e, I co ld onl e n i h a omach. To he di g ace of he en i e Chi ama clan; no j o famil . Be ide , he a a ec e a of he Mo he Union a o ch ch. Wi h ch high o ce, he didn an an one o a he had ai ed a o en po a o. B all mean , Mama made e he po a o a ed n poil . Come, lie do n, he e, he aid he ime. P led, I looked a he and a he hi e o el o hich he poin ed. Wh had he p ead a clean o el on he oo ? I onde ed. Take o o bloome and lie do n on he o el. Mama ne e ed he o d pan ie . Bloome a he o d. Al a . She had e plained o me ha a ha he e e called hen he appea ed in he illage. Bloome . So, in he mind, bloome he a ed. Fo e e . The e a a ggle, b ief and feeble on m pa . Ho e e , hen Mama an ed ome hing done, i go done. And in he manne he an ed i done. Tha a he beginning of man a ial, fo me. Mama making e I emained hole o n poil a he aid. God p mo he on ea h, o en e he heal h of hei da gh e , I hea d of en, hene e I a emp ed o e i he p ac ice. Each ime he looked, he d a h he hand he eaf e . B I a he one ho fel di . B hen, ho co ld I ell he e ible ec e o? M be f iend, Nono? I d a he ha e died . D ing he Ma ch en-da chool holida , bad l ck n mbe h ee fell pon all. We clo ed chool on F ida . When e oke p, S nda mo ning, Ribba a dead. She a ended o chool and a onl o- h ee ea olde han Nono and me. She died d ing a bo ched back- a d abo ion. The onl kind a ailable hen. E en hen, p e ca ce, di c l o p oc e, and, needle o a , illegal. The mon hl e amina ion changed o once a mon h and e e ime I a la e coming home. No ma e he e I d been o i h hom. Ne , Mama ook o he hem of m ki and d e e . She didn an me nning a o nd a king fo o ble, he aid. Be ide , I a no longe a child. I a g o n, a oman. Manono, Nono mo he , le he ea pan , ho ki , and an hing el e he an ed. I a e he did no in pec Nono. Of co e, I didn a k m f iend abo ha . Ho co ld I do ha i ho le ing he kno Mama did ha o me? I o ld die, I a e, if an one e e go o kno ha abo me. China did, ho gh. F om o mee ing, he kne . He g e ed f om m bl ing o , Mama ill kno ! and ef ing e en o i ne o him, in he b h, he e e e e mee ing. Al ho gh I lo ed him i h all m hea . Fo na el , he a a e en ible and en i i e bo . Re pec ed me. Re pec ed and fea ed hi fa he . The efo e, he had no in en ion of ge ing me o him elf in o ha kind of o ble. We pen an ime e co ld ee e oge he , ki ing and ha ing pla e . No pene a ion. Mama had a ned me ne e o leep i h a bo a a ife doe i h he h band. Wi h Nono and China help, I e en all o ked o ha ha mean . And, i h China comple e ag eemen and ppo , a ed a a f om i . I don kno ha go Mama o pec ome hing a going on be een Kha a and Nono. She began o nd fa l i h Nono and he f e en i i . B , abo e all, i h he going in o Kha a hokkie e en i ho me being he e. Kha a, a ea olde , a Mama da ling. I killed he ha he a in he ame cla a Nono and me. Mama inc ea ing di like of Nono co ld ha dl e cape no ice, fo Mama m mbled ha amo n ed o ob ceni ie abo he gi l, hene e Nono came b . Look a ho e ho hing he i ea ing. Tell me, j ell me, i he no a king fo o ble? Wha doe he mo he hink, le ing he go o of he ho e naked? Oh, he i elling he elf, ha fo e. She i elling he elf. Do e no all kno ha a hoe i bo gh hen i hin ha pne i een? Nono old he mo he abo Mama ema k . Manono came o complain o Mama, ho feigned hock and p i e ha Nono had aken o ence a an hing he migh ha e aid . . . o he o abo he . Mmelwane, a m ch p i ed Mama aid. Can e no longe ea e o child en? Ha i come o ha ? B Manono a no bo n- e e da chicken. A fe choice o d e e e changed. B he ime he lef , he and he good neighbo had pape ed o e hing a bi . B , I don ca e ha he hink o a , Mama f med a oon a Manono lef . And he le o o Kha a ee of ha he-dog, he be e , he aid. I don like he . . . and ne e ill. Imagine Mama chag in, he bi e di appoin men and ange , hen, o ho mon h la e , in he econd eek of he J ne holida , a igh -lipped Manono came o ell Mama ha Nono a p egnan , and Kha a a e pon ible. An al ead fa f om p e i a ion ned glie . Na all , in he ange and di appoin men , Manono c ed Kha a. Mo e, he c ed hi hole clan. Mama e alia ed b fo bidding me o alk o Nono. I ill kill o i h m ba e hand if I ca ch o alking o ha he-dog! he aid, p ing all he blame on Nono. Nono ho ld ha e aken be e ca e of he elf, he aid. I i he gi l e pon ibili , a fa a I m conce ned, o ee ha ce ain bo nda ie a e no c o ed. In ead of blaming Kha a, Mama aid, Manono ho ld look in he mi o and a k he elf ha i a he had failed o do fo ch a hing o happen o he da gh e . No ha he made m ch en e o me, b Mama eemed o be of he opinion ha Manono a e en mo e o blame fo Nono p egnanc han Nono he elf. Kha a, he poin ed o , co ld no be blamed. Wha do o e pec f om a bo if o go and p ead o elf benea h him? I a l ck ha a . A I e al ead aid, China a ca ef l and all e did a pla e , i h him ne e going highe han a li le abo e mid- high. A I had o of en hea d Mama g mble, A good gi l doe no leep i h a bo in he manne of a ife i h he h band. And I a a good gi l.
Na all , I a e ibl o fo Nono in he i a ion. Mo eo e , he ge ing p egnan go me back in o a g a e I had managed o e cape. Mama en back o demanding o ee me. When I d come o eali e ha he e en a going o be o ine, I d a l ef ed. No colding no h ea of bea ing o ld mo e me. No e en h ea of p ing me o of he ho e o ld make me b dge. E en all , Mama had gi en p, elling me, ‘Isala kutyelwa sibona ngolophu! She ho ef e ad ice ill lea n h o gh b n ma k ! B no , i h Nono p egnan , Mama e med he demand and old me p f on , If o don an me o ee o , I m calling o fa he o come and do i hem el e . I ill no be e pon ible fo an hing n o a d happening o o . No hing i going o happen o me, Mama, I aid. No fo he ime, I a deepl g a ef l China didn demand o e pec ha I pli m elf ide open fo him in o ec e enco n e . The and-o be een Mama and me la ed le han a eek. I f ll e pec ed Mama o ac on he h ea a he eekend. B , of co e, I al o hoped again hope ha he o ldn call m ncle o come and in pec me. I al o kne ha if he did, he o ld ce ainl gi e me ome kind of op ion, a a o in hei e e . I co ld hea one of hem clea hi h oa and a : Mmh-mhh! O da gh e , ehh . . . o i e , o mo he he e, ha called o o home beca e of he lo e fo o . She onl an o do ha i good fo o . . . good and igh and p ope . Fi ing. No , a e o going o fo ce o do hi , o ill o le o mo he do ha he m do, ha all mo he ho ld do? B I had no eali ed ho comple el Nono p egnanc had de anged Mama. Come F ida , didn he come p i h ome hing I had o all no fo e een? Mandi a, ge o chool book and nifo m ead . On S nda , I m aking o o G ng l l . I c ied and pleaded i h he . I p omi ed o be good, do all he ho e o k, do i e en befo e he a ked me o; ne e mi chool; do all m la nd a ell a m b o he . I o ld do he oo, I aid. And Ta a , hen he came back f om ea. B all a o no a ail. No hing I aid o did o ld change m mo he mind. I a o de pe a e no o be en a a , bani hed o he illage, he e one ne e a mea n il a co o ano he bea died, I e en b o gh he ha ed hi e o el o m elf, p ead i on he oo and ged Mama o ee me . . . ee ha I a ill a hole gi l, comple e and n o ched. B , no hing helped. Mama had lo all ea on. She fel ha he onl a I co ld e cape ge ing p egnan a if he en and hid me in he illage, he e child en ill kno ho o beha e . She o ld no e en he o n e e , he aid. T o mon h o m fo een h bi hda , Mama ook me, b ain, o he ha d place of he bi h and g o ing p, he illage of G ng l l , he e child en e e named acco ding o he pace be een he ea of ain. Fo een, almo . Bani hed o a fa -a a de e . To go and a i h he mo he , Makh l , omeone I had no e e e on in all m life. Someone ho had ne e een me befo e.
G g l l Se embe 1972
Fi cock had no e c o ed. The idge of he g a ma on hich I la b anded el o m ide. No a mo e i ed, he onda el a dead, dead ie ; a mi o o he ee ie ie p e ing he all in a d ill he h ea ened o collap e on me. O ide, I kne a hi ime of da , la he hea ill da kne ha p ecede da n, m ing all life a pe lan nigh held i b ea h befo e i ga he ed i elf p fo ine i able igh a he a a l of da n. On m back, in he da k, I la ide-e ed a ing a he ceiling a he di ing af e adia ing f om pilla o all, di iding he ha ch abo e me in o el e nea ec ion . I had co n ed hem, oon af e m a i al he e, d ing ho e leeple nigh , h ee mon h ago. Th ee long mon h ago. S if e han a blink, m mind ped o Cape To n. To a pecial omeone he e. Wa he p? I onde ed. China. The dea face am befo e m e e . Fleeing he all- oo-familia pain, I kicked he blanke o , go p, lef he h and en a o nd o he back. I a j eaching fo he doo , on m a back, hen Makh l oice hailed: Sowuvukile? Unjan’ ukuvuya, nivala?’ Ewe, Makh l , I an e ed. Tha e o ld ce fo bo h e ion , I eckoned. I a p and e a glad he chool holida had come. Finall . The la da of he hi d a e of he ea . M a e a a ne chool, h nd ed of kilome e f om home. M mind ned o he la chool clo ing. J ne. And he e en o nding i . E en i hemmed. So emo e he eemed no . Thei con e ence , ho e e , e e m dail b ead. Bi e a gall. The e e he ea on fo m being he e I a : G ng l l Village, m mo he gi lhood home. I emembe ed m fe en p omi e o Mama. B ho e p omi e of good beha io fell on deaf ea . Thinking abo i , e en no , made me o ang , m e e ma ed. I had gi en Mama no ea on fo conce n, b had ha opped he f om p ing . . . he onl ol ion I can ee. ? She bani hed me o hi emo e illage of he T an kei, he e I ho gh I o ld die. The b -p od c of Mama ca ion, epa a ion f om China, a nbea able. China. I a ce ain ha e e i no fo him . . . and, o a le e e en , Makh l , he end of he chool eme e o ld no ha e fo nd me ali e. Dea , dea China. B i a Makh l , Mama mo he , ho e dail mini a ion , e peciall in he beginning, had helped keep me no onl ane . . . b bodil ali e. She made e I a e, in a o ndabo a nding o m p efe ence and making e o cook ho e e en hen, a I fo nd o la e , he didn pa ic la l ca e fo he di h he elf. When I e ned f om chool, I co ld be on he a ing, Kalok’ umam’ akho akakho apha, a he plonked a bo l of umvubo o ome o he i bi on he ki chen able e en a I changed f om he black g m d e and hi e hi o m da clo he . B I a h o gh he g i e. If Mama ab ence e e he onl ea on fo he ca ing o m ch, he kind ac o ld el ha e o n o oon af e Mama lef . Ho e e , Makh l kindne , he gen le a , co ld no op ha o he h nge . The gna ing e ion in he mind of he abandoned child, he bani hed child, he fo aken child. Since he da I a ched a Mama alked a a . . . a ched he d -e ed, ill a a he on hing b he i e ide, I had ne e again been alone. Mama lef . A ange alked in o he place in m hea he had lef nocc pied: g ief, ha p a a ne a o . B he e I a . I had i ed he h ee mon h . Th ee o go. Then I d be done i h P ima School. Wha hen? Wha pecial b and of o e a Mama b e ing back in Cape To n? A fa a I co ld ee, e had o choice : Cape To n, he e I co ld a end one of he o high chool in he a ea. Cheape , a I o ld be li ing a home. O , I o ld be en o boa ding chool. I p a ed i o ld be he la e . B of la e, God had been le han ina en i e o m p a e ; o al ho gh I had no come o di co n Him comple el , I ho gh i be no o depend on Him holl . Look he e ha had go me in he pa .
Th ee eek befo e chool clo ed, on m a f om chool, I had opped fo mail a he illage hop, he e he hole egion, ome en o o illage , go i mail. Baas Se heni, a hi e man, and hi ife an he hop. No le e f om China. Lea ing he hop, he de o I d made ddenl ea i ome, edio and long, m fee lead, I od home a d. Mocking me, a Makh l le e in m hand. Wha did he need i h a le e ? A a he on , Makh l a i ing on he g a ma on he oo , doing ome mending, hen I go home. She a i h he back again he all, and he leg , e ched o in f on of he , e e loo el apped in he black ki o ha onl he fee peeped f om benea h he loo e o al pinafo e he o e on op. Whe e i i f om? he a ked hen, follo ing he e changing of g ee ing and a fe plea an ie , I old he he had a le e . She didn look p. Ea London. Ea London? he opped. S opped he e ing and looked p. Ea London! he epea ed. Ho e e , hi ime, he o d e e mo e e clama ion han e ion. Ye , Makh l , I aid. I i f om Ea London. H and ge e e li ing hing in ide, he aid ie l . I no ain b a del ge ha ll fall pon , if ha le e f om F ni e! In he ame nh ied oice, Makh l con in ed. Se ing ill in he hand , he had no e med he mending b a he e, looking a me a ho gh he co ldn i e belie e ha I aid. A n ie F ni e i Mama o nge i e . He onl i e . Mal me, hei b o he , i he middle child. Wha a e o ai ing fo ? Makh l a ked ddenl . Open i and ead i fo me! Wha ? mid a h o gh he le e , he in e p ed m eading. Read me ha again, he aid. Read o e ha again. I did. Again and again, Makh l made me op and go o e ome de ail. Bulisa kuBhuti lowo. Yithi ndiyamkhumbula, kumnandi ke kuba siza kubonana kungekudala. G ee ing o olde b o he . Tell him I mi him and am glad e ill ee each o he befo e long. I had come o he end of he le e . A long la . The mending ca ele l h o he ide fo once, he had no folded i nea l and p i back in o he e ing-bag Makh l a ill, he ja d opped o ha he mo h h ng open a he e e a ed blindl in o he di ance. He, Mntan’ omntan’am, He , Child of M Child, Makh l aid olemnl . He oice a ba e hi pe , he con in ed, i ho looking a me, anding he e a he fee . Whe e doe i a , hi le e , ha i i coming f om F ni e? he a ked, e e ill foc ed on ome di an objec onl he co ld ee. I ho ed he he name, kno ing f ll ell he iggle on he page mean no hing a all o he . Makh l c nched he face. E e na o ed o a li , he pee ed a he poin he e m nge la . I o ld no ha e ma e ed o hoo he he I had ho ed he o he al a ion, bod , o ending of he le e . B he a he po ed o e ho e le e made me a li le nea . A ho gh he co ld eall di ine he m e he held. I ho gh he a a i ed fo , nodding he head, he ha mphed and made a ho gh he e e abo o e me he mending. B a I ned a o nd o go o he bo l ai ing fo me on he able a he op of he h , once mo e, Makh l oice a e ed me o he po . Yo aid, did o no , Mzukulwana, ha he le e come f om F ni e he elf? Tha igh , Makh l . And i a he i going o ha e a bab ? Ye , Makh l . The e a a pa e, b I emained he e I a fo I en ed ha he a no done i h he e ion . I a igh . Al ho gh, ha came ne e e no eall e ion b ob e a ion , m ing . SesikaLizbethi waseBhayibhileni, ndifung’ uBaw’ ekobandayo! I Biblical Eli abe h o all o e again, b m fa he bone in he cold ea h! The e follo ed ome m mbled commen I co ldn ca ch befo e he en on in a mo e a dible manne , he oice once mo e ai ed: F ni e? The ame ho go ma ied e en befo e o e e bo n? F ni e? E pec ing a bab ? Then, in a calme oice, he ned o me and, add e ing me mo e di ec l , aid, Doe he a he had he bab o he ill e pec ing i ? Makh l , I an e ed, A n ie F ni e a he coming he e o ha e he bab . He e? he a ked and ickl added, When doe he a he coming? She doe n a e ac l hen . . . onl a oon a chool clo e. B e , he coming o ha e he bab he e. School ? School ? Makh l a ked, b o f o ed. Wha ha he go o do i h chool ? When did he become a eache ? She made me go o e ha le e fo mo e ime . Then, hen he nall accep ed ha i aid, hen he allo ed he elf o belie e he ne , he ho lde agged a a long of igh e caped h o gh he immobile lip . Hand la open and limp on he high . He e e clo ed. Onl o open an in i ible ap in ide. G ea blob of ilen ea co ed do n he embl cheek and a hed o e he nel inkled face. I ood he e, nable o mo e, lled i h fea le I di b he o dle hank gi ing, o hea fel . Man momen la e , Makh l b o gh he elf back. Wiping he face i h he back of he hand, he ied o mile. B ha j b o gh a f e h a e fall. Q ickl , he ben fo a d and eached o a d he oe , g abbed he hem of he pinafo e, ned i o e and b o gh i o he face. Tha nigh , a I la do ing o a ha ime be een a m oo akef lne and comple e collap e of con cio ne , he nal pl nge in o obli ion, a bell ang . . . deep in he inne ece e of m mind: BOO-OING! T igge ed b ome hing Makh l had aid ea lie . Ye ! I o ld a k A n ie F ni e. I o ld a k o go and do m high chool die in Ea London. S a i h he . I co ld help i h he bab oo. She o ld need help. An one ho had a bab co ldn help i . . . he al a needed help. The e e ch a load of o k, babie e e. The e ne da , I en o a le e o China, o lining m a eg . E e da he eaf e , ome ime e e al ime a da , Makh l o ld make me ead he le e o he . Whe he he didn o co ldn b ing he elf o o all belie e he good ne o bo of do b a ailed he a momen , I co ldn a . B he beha io inc ea ed m c io i abo hi a n of mine, hom I had ne e een. The a n ho a ma ied e en mon h befo e I a bo n. The a n I had de e mined o ld be m al a ion. E cape f om Mama. E cape in o a be e a angemen , nea ne o China. He m appl o he boa ding chool in he Ci kei, I d old him in he le e . Ne life injec ed i elf in o Makh l being. She h mmed cea ele l a he en abo he cho e . Old dail a k e e done i h he peed of ligh ning. Ne one e e fo nd and a acked i h fe ocio en h ia m: le ai he blanke ! A e he i i o hee clean? Ha e all he po been co ed ill he hine? Sinda! Smea he oo i h co d ng o clean and f e hen hem. A n ie a a i ing in o da . I began o fea ha he e ci emen o ld kill Makh l long befo e he a i ed. I had no een he hi e ci ed in he h ee mon h of m a in G ng l l . She a a oman po e ed. I ha ed Makh l en h ia m fo A n ie F ni e ad en . I ha ed i beca e, fo he ime ince m bi e bani hmen , he e a ed knife ha cea ele l o e a he ende e h of m hea ook a pa e. I da ed no hope, ho gh. I had been oo badl ca ed b he mo e. I a oo ca ed o hope . . . I co ldn a o d o ha e an hing a p ecio a ha be da hed. Once again. No , ide-e ed, I la on he bed, blanke ng o m fee , e e ide i h e ci emen . Wha did China hink of m plan? S el , he d go m le e b no . And o ld A n ie F ni e ake me p on m p opo al? Oh, Dea God, o ld he? And hen, e ac l , o ld he come? S i ing o ide. The animal , a ake a la . To he gaggling of gee e, ho eemed al a o ake p a g ing e lo l , heep baah ed and co lo ed. F om behind he home ead, he ee e e ali e. Bi d i e ed and chi ped. A lone o l o-hoo -hoo ed and I imagined him ci cling la il befo e gliding on one ing o hi di nal ha n . Th o gh gap in he c ain peeped jagged piece of an ang il ed mi i en high p abo e he ill-black mo n ain peak . Da n had b oken.
No one child a in nifo m. The eache had old he p e io da o come in o ho e d e e . The e a o be a big clean- p fo he clo ing. Looking a he mo le gaggle all a o nd me, I co ld ha e o n he e e e mo e child en han al. Had he n mbe elled and m l iplied? Then again I ho gh ha migh be he e l of he da d e e e e e ea ing. Wha e e i a , on one hing ho gh, I m ce ain: chool a an hing b o dina ha da . E en cla e opped ea l , i h l nch b eak. The eaf e , a embl a called. In he co a d, he ha d clea ing hel e ed f om he fo e e ho ling o hea e b he h ddle of onda el , o cla oom , e ai ed i h ba el concealed impa ience. Eage and noi . Unable o and ill o keep ie . Again I a ck b ho li le e emblance he e a be een he abble I fo nd m elf in and he nea o of pindl -legged gi l in black g m and hi e hi and bo in g e annel and black bla e all a embled he e on no mal chool da . A ligh , b ief h h fell a he e eache came and ood in f on of on a ai ed pla fo m made f om de k . The i cla e : A and B; One and T o; Th ee and Fo ha ed a eache and onl S anda d Fi e and Si had eache all o hem el e . We ie ened do n ome. The eache e e abo o gi e o he e l of he end-of- e m e e d j i en. Cla b cla , a ing f om he li le one , he S b S anda d A and B and going igh p o S anda d Si , he eache called o he name and cla po i ion of hei p pil . Af e he S b S anda d came S anda d One. Then, S anda d T o. Then, Th ee. A fo een, I a in S anda d Si . And, a long la , o n came. M Songca epped o of he line of eache and called o : Sidne Sok eka! M hea ned o a agged-edged block of ice ha o e a ome hing in ide me ill i bled. I had no e pec ed o gain po i ion, fo al ho gh I had done e ceedingl ell in m old chool, I d been a li le lo , if no do n igh be ilde ed, on coming o Uppe G ng l l P ima School, back ea l J l . All he e mon h , i had no occ ed o me ha I co ld come la . B once he ho gh plan ed i elf in m b ain, i fa ened i elf he e like a o e oo h. I co ld no hake i o ho gh I old m elf i co ld no be. The e e e hopele ca e , eal d d , ho co ld ne e , e e , ge be e ma k han me o an one fo ha ma e . B ill, he do b a ed. Ho badl had I done? The e e e hi - h ee of in he cla . I d ne e in m life b o gh p he ea . Wo ld hi be he ime? S ddenl , m mo h en d . I allo ed, b no hing en do n. Again I allo ed. A ho gh o make i e e. Again, m h oa emained bbo nl pa ched. J hen, he eache called o : Mandi a N loko . . . N mbe T o! A lo d a co b of ai e caped f om m mo h. Till hen, I had no eali ed ha I held m b ea h. Wai ing. Fea ing I migh be he ail. Wha o ld Makh l ha e aid o ha ? And China? God, I o ld ha e been o emba a ed. China a ch a good den . Almo a good a I had been, back a m old chool, m eal chool, V ani P ima School in G g le .
Af e he cleaning and nal anno ncemen , e e e di mi ed. On he a home, I oon o an m g o p, lef hem behind. T en of made he dail ip o and f om he alle o he chool, high p he idge alling he illage in. No fo me, oda , he dill ing and dall ing of m chool ma e and fello a elle . M fee if and ligh , m hea ang fo I a i e plea ed i h he e e l . I kne ha Makh l o ld be plea ed. So o ld China. And o me hen, China a ho ma e ed mo . The ho gh of China len me ing . Ho e e , m ch mo e han he en da o chool o e en he good e amina ion e l made m hea ing. M A n ie F ni e, Mama onl i e , a coming. A oon a chool clo e, he le e had aid. Half- a home, I opped a he illage hop. To ge Makh l he E a S ong , he iple X min he called he n . Al o o check he mail. T o le e . The mai e-colo ed en elope, one of hem. T ing ha d no o ho m impa ience and e ci emen , I na ched he le e f om Baas Se heni hand, p n a o nd and a a he doo hen a oice opped me. Co ld hi al ead be he epl o m le e o him la eek? The le e abo ne ea plan ? The E a S ong ! Baas Se heni ho ed, a ha d bang on he co n e , elling me he d p hem he e. Lea ing he hop, Makh l min g ipped igh l in one hand, I aced do nhill. The fa alke ahead, clea l i ible. The h m o b of oice oo nea fo m liking. E peciall i h China le e b ning a hole o e m hea . If i had no been fo hi le e , I don kno ho I co ld ha e go o e he mon h of bani hmen . No ha Makh l a no kindne i elf. B he e a a l mp in m h oa each ime I ho gh of ho Mama had pl cked me f om G g le , in Cape To n, and come and d mped me in hi emo e illage. Fa a a f om e e hing and e e one dea o me. No ha , a I ha e al ead aid, I a ill- ea ed o an hing like ha . The chool a no bad ei he . I co ld ha e fo gi en Mama all ho e hing . E cep China. He aking me f om G g le mean ha I a epa a ed f om China. E en he plea e of a good e amina ion e l a ma ed b he ange ha I ill fel . I o ld ha e e ed Mama igh had I failed he e . Se ed he igh fo aking me a a f om chool, f om m belo ed eache , and f om all m f iend . And China. Tall, hand ome China. Small lan ed e e . Sho hai , ne e combed b al a e embled peppe co n ca ele l e n abo . A decided mi of ncomplemen a fea e ha , omeho , managed o end p i h he mo plea ing o come. And ch a good po man. So pop la i h bo h den and eache . Ho I mi ed him. Ho e e , a of no , m hea ang, m fee e e if and ligh , ba el o ching g o nd a I galloped o a d he cl e of onda el ha , fo he la h ee mon h , I d called home. To be hone , ho gh, I a no o m ch h ing home a I a h ing a a f om he o he child en. I eached he hillock be ond hich la Makh l home ead. M back again a g m ee, I a and ook o he le e . Ca ef ll , I do n- apped he le e , making e he op end of he en elope a clea . Then, lo l , I o e i open. Slo l . Ca ef ll . Fo page . Folded in h ee e al pa . Al a me ic lo . The nfolded page la open. The familia c a l. A ne e -ending o ce of ama emen . China, o hand ome, o elegan . Ho did he end p i h ch a hand i ing? A ho gh one had dipped a in an ink ell, hed i o , and le i c a l all o e he page a he fanc ook i . Nigh in he illage a e o al, pi ch black and impene able, nle he e i a f ll moon. A n ie a i ed on a moonle nigh . In he nmi iga ed da kne o ide, befo e he came in o he onda el in hich Makh l , al ead in bed, a ai ed he , I en ed mo e han a ha he a a lea a la ge a Mama. Once he a in ide, b he dim ligh of a candle, he appea ed o ha e a milk -co ee comple ion he e he i e i he colo of he be of i ipingo, a bl e- inged black. Ho e e , beca e of he ime of da and condi ion of ligh , hi a all a he ag e, mo e an imp e ion han m opinion. The ne mo ning, hen I b o gh co ee in o Makh l bed oom, he e A n ie had pen he nigh i h he mo he , I a oo h o o and o look a he , e amine he be e , ee if m imp e ion of he p e io nigh e e bo ne o b he ligh of mo ning. Wha if he ca gh me a ing a he ? Wo ldn he hink I a de? Ho e e , he e e being ha i i , o di c l o keep in check, ice I ole a glance a he ; ice I fo nd he a ing a me, a p led f o n pli ing he fo ehead. Ho ha p he e e o ha e di ce ned ha he e pe ienced one of Makh l had failed o ee in he mo e han o mon h of m a in G ng l l . Al ho gh, pon f he e ec ion, pe hap all A n ie F ni e did a help peel back he eil of lo e ha occl ded he bi e h f om Makh l i ion. I hi child of K k ana ell? he a ked Makh l a I lef he h . K k ana i Mama gi lhood name. Wh do o a k? I hea d Makh l a k, fo A n ie o d had opped me j o ide he h , ea again he clo ed doo . M hea -bea ickened. Wh e e hei oice g a ded, ca io ? When did o a he mo he b o gh he he e? J ne, Makh l an e ed. Th ee mon h ago! A n ie oice a ligh l ai ed no . I o nded a ho gh he e e ala med. A pa e follo ed. Fea ing di co e , I epped back and ickl alked a a f om he doo . B no befo e I had hea d A n ie a k, Ha he been . . . ? Been ha ? M mind g oped fo he e of ha e ion. Been ha ? Wha a i ha o conce ned A n ie? He oice had been l laced i h app ehen ion. Ho do o hink I ho ld kno abo ch a hing? Makh l oice, no e lo , eached me he e I had opped, j o ide he ki chen. The bo h o nded ang no , hei oice iden . Nei he eemed bo he ed an mo e ha I migh o e hea hei di c ion. Did hi mean ha he e e alking abo a no e io ? No ome hing he needed o hide f om m ea ? Had I made a mi ake, ea lie , hinking o he i e? Relie ed, I ip oed back. F om he o nd of hei oice , he had no mo ed f om he e I had lef hem . . . on Makh l bed. Mama! A n ie oice aid he a agi a ed. Wha a e o elling me? Ha e o no een . . . ? Seen ha ? ha p came Makh l i a e an e . Yo kno gi l he e da no longe e ag . Wha am I ppo ed o ee? Silence. Ho long did I and he e, m fee ned o lead? Makh l o d had laid ba e an a f l fac ha I had igno ed. Ho had I no eali ed ha in all he ime I had been in G ng l l I had no once een m pe iod ? Oh, he g elling in e oga ion. The f an ic and f ile denial . E en all , obbing h e icall , I b oke do n. Ye , Makh l , I choked, I do ha e a bo f iend. E en o, I cl ng o he h. NO NO NO! Ho co ld Makh l and A n ie hink I co ld ha e o mi beha ed. I had done no hing ong, I old hem. Fe ocio l , I defended m innocence, de pi e he e idence ha poin ed o clea l and nambig o l o m g il . Yo ha e o belie e me! I c eamed. Makh l , and o , A n ie, o m belie e me hen I a I ha e done no hing hamef l. Ye , Child of M Child, Makh l an e ed, he oice hea i h adne , b o ha e o be comple el hone i h abo hi ma e . Hone ? B ha i ha I had been all along. Hone . I look a Makh l , make m e e look a he . Long momen of ilence follo . Wha he poin ? I hink o m elf. The al ead belie e he o abo me. The all do. A la , I hea d m elf e me he di c ion. No, I old hem, Mama had no old me ho o be i h a bo . She had old me ne e o be i h one. Ne e . Ye . Ye , he bo conce ned had kno n ha o do, ho o keep me afe. No. No, no once. He had ne e gone in ide me b al a pla ed o ide, be een he high . Ye . Ye , he e pec ed me. He did. Nei he he no I an ed o do an hing o di g ace o familie . Hi fa he a a la p eache in he ch ch. Bo h A n ie and Makh l an ed o kno ho hi bo a . Hi name. China, I aid. China? Makh l a ked, he b o c ea ed. F om hich famil i he? She did no ecall ch a name, he aid. Who e child a hi China? Makh l , China doe no li e he e, I e plained, lif ing m e e in ama emen a he eali a ion ha he ho gh I had a bo f iend he e in he illage. He li e in Cape To n, I aid. If I had aid China a impundulu, he ebi d, Makh l and A n ie co ld no ha e been mo e hocked. D o ee ha I a elling o ? Makh l ned o A n ie F ni e. Thi child ha been indoo e e ime he a no a chool o in ch ch. I e kno n he he eabo each momen he been he e i h me. And nigh ? he e Makh l ai ed he oice. Nigh , h , he leep he leep of he dead! The e a a pa e. A ho gh bo h omen e e going o e ha had j been aid, nei he e ed a o d. Then, once mo e, Makh l poke. So, I kep hinking m old e e e e decei ing me . . . pla ing ick on me . . . ha i co ldn be. Again, he pa ed befo e adding: Remembe no . . . emembe ha he Mama b o gh he he e a ing he a hole. She old me he elf ha he had been eeing hi child. So ha a I o hink? I ee, an e ed A n ie F ni e. I ee, he epea ed a if o he elf. I old m elf o ai and ee, Makh l en on. Wi h ime, o kno ha if o ha e kneaded, he do gh ill ce ainl i e. I kne ha , oone o la e , he efo e, e e hing o ld become clea . . . ob io . I ee, A n ie F ni e aid again. He oice aid he a a p led o a conf ed a e e . And i i af e ha di c ion be een Makh l and A n ie F ni e ha Makh l en fo he illage mid ife, an old, oo hle oman i h d , inkled pa chmen fo kin. Wi e e e . A alking bag f ll of he mell of n . The old oman ho came and looked a me he a Mama had done. She looked and a ha ha I aid, ha I had done no hamef l hing, a e. B he a ome hing el e . . . ome hing I did no kno did no nde and. E en hen he p ha he a in o o d , I ill did no kno ha i a he a a ing. The old oman aid, Utakelwe! She ha been j mped in o!
If I li e o be a h nd ed, I ill ne e fo ge ho e da . The da follo ing he old oman one- o d en ence: Utakelwe. Follo ing he o d of he mid ife, he e ne da , Mal me en o o n o go and end a eleg am calling Mama back o he illage. Tha da , oo, he bab in ide me anno nced hi e i ence. O of he bl e, he e in m bell , a he mall, en a i e mo emen of a mo e a akening f om deep leep. Slo l , g ad all , he i ing ickened o a m l . E all be ilde ing, e e he an e ing feeling in ide m hea . A ong feeling I co ld no iden if . . . oo ca ed o gi e i a name. B I a a m, all o e . And, f om m elf, I co ldn hide he ide, ide mile in m hea . T o da la e , Mama a i ed in a hi ed ca ; he d i e , a man I did no kno . In ilence he ecei ed he ne . E e a ing n eeingl , he a l mped again Makh l ho lde , li ening a ho gh he o d mean li le, if an hing a all, o he . Then, he ood came. A o en of ea g hing nchecked do n he cheek . Then follo ed he ailing. Mama keened a ho gh anno ncing he dea h of a belo ed, hono ed ela i e. Wha ill he ch ch people a ? Mama ailed. Wha a e he o hink of me? The hame o he famil o ld el kill he , he aid. A n ie F ni e eminded he ha hi a a ad acciden and ha he famil had no hing o be a hamed of. Thi child ha no di g aced he name of he famil . Oh, o don kno an hing, Mama con in ed he ailing. M enemie a e going o ejoice. The e going o la gh a me no . Wha do o ca e fo ch mall-minded, mean people? A n ie a ked. Le hem la gh, hei n ll come, he aid. O no i o look af e hi child, he nodded m a . We m ppo and p o ec he no . Ho do o hink he m be feeling? Feeling? I a n mb, be ond feeling. Mama coming, he eac ion, had d ained he la o nce of feeling f om me. Fea . Shame. Ange . All he e and mo e mingled oge he o fo m one ong hinning li id ha eplaced m blood. A co p e o ld ha e mo e feeling han I had igh hen, I a e. Like Mama, he fac ha he mid ife had con med ha I a a i gin a li le olace. I a p egnan , a n I? Wha a o become of me no ? Wha good a ha p ecio i gini nde he e changed ci c m ance ? I i hed I o ld j die. Righ hen and he e. I a o a hamed. So ca ed. M hole o ld had impl collap ed and a no mo e. Ho e e , de pi e all A n ie olici a ion and Makh l ad ice and admoni ion, Mama o ld no be con oled. Nei he o ld he be mo ed. No b o d o b deed, no once did he indica e ha he con ide ed me an innocen ic im and he efo e omeone o h of he mpa h . Ho had hi happened? Ho co ld a adpole f om China life a e make i a p and in ide me i ho me feeling a hing? Ho co ld i ha e en e ed me like ha ? A n ie F ni e. So m ch o e had I p on he coming. Made g ea plan , banking on he bene olence. B , he e ne mo ning follo ing he a i al, no onl did ho e g and plan n a el b m e life came o an ab p hal . The life I had kno n. The life I had en i aged. E e hing I had e e kno n had been b lldo ed, e ing i hed, p l e i ed. E e hing a no mo e. No a i had been o had eemed o be . . . o a abo o be . . . ch a ho hile ago. Onl da ago. 8 Three children have come from my womb. Three claim me as mother. Three. But now, since your daughter’s unfortunate death, I have been called mother to so many more: Mother of the beast. Mother of the serpent. The pu adder’s mother. There are those who even go as far as calling me Satan’s mother. I know. With a mother’s pierced heart, I know. All these names refer to but one of my children. He who was rst upon my nipple. He who came unbid; bringing a harvest of shame to my father’s house. Bitter tears to a mother’s proud heart.
The jo ne back o Cape To n a ained, a k a d and agoni ing, mo of he ime. I a lled i h nea ilence a he hi ed ca a led along he long, de e ed d b - oad . We e e a oiding he main oad and ho o ghfa e , he d i e aid, beca e of fea of ha a men f om he T a c Cop , Who ill op a ca d i en b a black man a a ma e of co e. The d i e , e-handed on he heel, a a aci n man, i e con en o h m along i h he ne c ackling f om he ca adio. Making he peech abo he T a c Cop a he mo anima ed I d een him. Once he a eg of hich oad o ake and h had been decided pon, I a el hea d a o d f om him e cep , Thank o ! hen Mama ga e him ome hing o ea o , E c e me! hen Na e called and he had o op he ca b he ide of he oad and lean clo e o i o go in o a nea b hicke . Look a ha ! The ho oke me p. Wi h a a , I a ha I m ha e do ed o . D o ee ha ! Wha a all hi c eaming abo ? Wi ho appea ing oo in e e ed, I looked o he indo . No hing. Co ben la il o e he g a . H nd ed of hem . . . b ill . . . co e e no hing o e hich o ge all e ci ed. Can o belie e ha all he e ca le belong o one boer? We ha e been d i ing, fo o e an ho , h o gh ONE fa m? The man o n half he T an kei, doe n he? S p i e, p i e, p i e! The man of li le o d had ddenl become i e lo acio . On and on he an ed, Mama ppl ing he occa ional Mmhh-mh! The d i e ( ho e name I didn ge o kno h o gho he ip, Mama efe ing o him a Mntuwenkosi, Man of he Lo d, hich mean no hing) en on abo ho he boers a i ed in he co n , long ago, i h no one animal be een hem. S ole hem f om . STOLE e e hing f om . Whe e do o ge o b a fa m ch a hi one . . . fo a coppe bangle? Mmmhh-mh! Mmhh-mmmhhh! B mpi -b mp-b mp-b mp en he long, ca e no ca ; he d i e hin f ame h nched o e he heel. Mama h ddled again he oppo i e doo , and I a ome he e behind hem b in ch a a ha I a n o m ch behind he d i e ha I a ki co ne o Mama, and h in he di ec line of i ion ho ld he n a o nd. A he ame ime, I had no i h o be di ec l behind he . Tha o ld be oo clo e, ce ainl fo m comfo . I migh ha e been ong, b I en ed ha Mama oo had no i h fo m nea ne . Al ho gh he m ic a no lo , he ilence be een he h ee people in he ca a lo de . I nea l d o ned he m ic. I h ng o e hick and palpable. I en eloped , each in a epa a e cocoon of e ible, nbea able nea e. Whene e Mama b oke ha hea and b ooding o dle ne , i a i h a ha n ed oice, a oice ha aid o he o ld a la ge ha he had e ed ome nimaginable pain. If he d lo he h band and bo h he pa en in one ain c a h, I do b he face co ld ha e been longe , o he e e mo e a e logged. He ja e , no and hen I o ld hea he g ind he ee h. I ell o , ha e n ip a ice a long a I emembe ed he o o jo ne o . And I had belie ed ha one a d o , ing, and ha d. Te ible. Compa ed o hi one, i had been a lice of a e melon on a ho mme da . In Cape To n, he i a ion g e o e. If befo e packing me o o G ng l l Mama had been ic , follo ing m e n he e ic ion bo de ed on he l dic o . I a a p i one in m home. Mama fo bade me e en o go o he oile e cep d ing he pe iod be een he eal da k ha come ho af e n e and he hea ie da k ha p ecede da n he ac all fo ced me o e a chambe po d ing he da . Tha conce ned he a abo he neighbo and hei agging ong e . Like a b ooding hen he ne , Mama g a ded me ha eek follo ing m p ema e e n. She didn e en go o o k, m ha e aken a o- eek aca ion, I eckoned af e a d . Tho e long, in e minable da . To e. Meal e e ilen , nea a ai . B e en had I no lo m appe i e I d ha e fo nd i di c l o ea . We a i ed in Cape To n in he ea l mo ning, on Sa da , a eek o he da ince he old illage oman, Madlomo, had old Makh l , Utakelwe! We a i ed o nd ha in Mama ab ence, Nono had had he bab . Wha incen ed Mama a o be old ha he child had al ead been named. Named, i h no con l a ion ha oe e i h Kha a pa en . Named, f he mo e, Nob l mko, Mo he of Wi dom, hich Mama a a a dig a Kha a famil ; impl ing ha e had deal i h Nono famil in manne l and nde handed, cle e o i e in he n a o meaning of he o d. I d pen ha da fea ing he look on Ta a face hile i ching o ee China. To ge o d of m a i al o him, a lea . Le him kno ho hing ood. When Ta a e ned f om o k, ha af e noon, he en abo he ho e a ho gh he e a no one in m bed oom; a ho gh I had no come back f om he illage. Tha hole da , I a con ned o ha one oom in he ho e. No allo ed e en o help Mama a o nd he ho e, I a fo lo n in a co ne of he oom, he e I d a ince coming home. I a he e, oo a hamed o lie on he bed al ho gh e e bone in m bod ached f om he long ca jo ne . I fea ed looking a ho gh I enjo ed o ook he ligh e ad an age of he nfo na e i a ion I fo nd m elf in. Oh, if onl China co ld come. B I kne ha a o all o of he e ion. I al o kne I co ldn go o ee him. I co ld go no he e, in fac . No i h Mama e e onge han a Ma e Lock. The ne da , a S nda , he didn e en go o ch ch. Ho e e , de pi e Mama, de pi e he ei d ac ion , I con in ed o hope ha b ome mi acle, China o ld come. Hadn he hea d? No i h anding Mama p eca ion , I belie ed he o ld kno I a back, ha omeho he had hea d. Tha po e f l i he loca ion eleg aph, and ha ong a m belief in i . Be ide , o all a e n lon hin; i i o f om o ide he o n hip of en e e hei ho o lo e he ol me of he adio o ha con e a ion can p oceed a no mal pi ch of oice onl o be info med ha he adio bla ing a a i he neighbo . B China did no come. No on Sa da . No on S nda . No fo he e en da of ha hole eek, incl ding S nda , o econd back in Cape To n. Again, Mama a ed a a f om ch ch. Ta a con in ed o igno e m p e ence comple el . I helped in he ill ion, fo a oon a i a ime fo him o come back f om o k, I made m elf p e ca ce, en back o he con ne of m bed oom. Thi eemed o i him ne. No once did I hea him in i e abo me o m he eabo . Locked in b da , he e a n e en he chance I migh ca ch igh of China a he back of hi ho e. B nigh , he indo a ed bbo nl ie , ndi bed, he o- ell emembe ed c a ch of nail on gla did no come. I a o clea in m mind, o i id, ha I of en imagined I hea d i . . . and i oke me p f om deepe leep. Wh , no j once I go p f om bed and en o he indo , belie ing I d hea d i . . . onl o be mocked, la ghed a , b he emp and igh le indo . Wo e ill, hen he ligh a on, m o n pid face a ed back a me. The e ic ion mean ha I did no ge o ee China ill I d been back in Cape To n fo mo e han a fo nigh . Mama old me poin blank o ha e no hing o do i h him n il m fa he had gone o ee hi people ega ding pa men of damage fo ha he had done o me. I didn ee he logic behind Mama o d . Sho ldn he kno ? Oh, he ill kno , all igh ! I kne he mean hen men f om m famil ook me o China home o p e en he ca e befo e hem. I n i be e ha I ell him? I didn add he o d befo e . Wh ? a ked Mama, b o b nched. Thi ha happened o him a m ch a i ha happened o me, I aid. Wha , e ac l , ha happened o ha dog? Mama pa o . I h gged m ho lde and, i h he n mbne of he anae he i ed, en back o ha I d been doing, eeping he oo . Fo , if he didn an me going o and abo , Mama in i ed on m i ing m elf i hin he con ne of he ho e. Yo need he e e ci e, he aid. I good fo omeone in o condi ion. Till he bab a bo n, Mama ne e once ed he o d p egnan . I nde ood ha , e en a ha la e ho , e bo h ill i hed he condi ion a a . La e, one leeple nigh , I c ibbled a no e o China. Ho I o ld ge i o him a nclea b I decided i a be e o be on he ead . Thi a , hene e he oppo ni p e en ed i elf, I o ld be p epa ed. The chance ne e came. No ha hole long eek of Mama elf-impo ed con nemen .
Finall , ho e e , Mama had o go back o o k. Remembe , no , he aid, do no ge in o ch i h hi bo . She had old me man ime o e ha i o ld be n i e and dange o o mee China befo e he ca e had been b o gh befo e hi famil . He migh hink p all o of e c e , o iggle o of a ming e pon ibili . He had o be aken b p i e, acco ding o Mama. A oon a I a e ha he a gone, I en o he dining- oom indo , looking o o he ee . S anding be een he hea inne c ain and he hin and an pa en lace c ain on he o ide, I co ld ee he pa e -b i ho being een b hem. I ai ed. B Mama had lef o la e, he chool child en had al ead pa ed. Th i a no ill he af e noon ha m golden oppo ni came. Jean and Joan, eigh - ea old in da gh e of a neighbo , came p he ee . No one el e i h hem. I apped on he indo pane. Beckoned. A nge on m lip . A one, hei e e idened in p i e. Beca e he did no kno I a a o nd? O beca e he had no e pec ed o ee me? I opened he doo befo e he came o i . Thei e e idened e en mo e on eeing me, he hole of me, he no ob io l p egnan me. Plea e, ake hi o China, I aid and ga e he no e o Joan, ho eemed o ake he i a ion mo e in he ide han he i e . When did o come back? he a ked, a m e ended. La eek. Oh! Came f om bo h. Don gi e ha o an one b him, I aid, poin ing a he le e . Tha igh ! Again, i a Joan ho an e ed. Jean had lo he ong e. I didn blame he . Wha had he hea d? I onde ed. Oh, ai , I called o a he ned fo he doo . I en back o he bed oom. On m e n, Jean a anding j in ide he doo hile Joan had cho en o ai o on he oep, mid a be een he doo and he ga e. So i a o Jean ha I ga e he en cen . Ge o el e vetkoek o ee . Thank o ! Thank o ! he aid, in pe fec ha mon al ho gh mo e han a me e m ha e di ided hem. The had j di appea ed f om igh and I a ill anding he e he d lef me, onde ing he he he had fo nd him hen omeone b in o he ho e h o gh he back doo . Wa i m b o he , Kha a? Mandi a! Tha g a ing oice. Unmi akable. Mandi a! China ho ed f om he ki chen. Sho ed, e en befo e I a him . . . o , he a me. I m he e, I aid. Come igh in. I had men ioned in he le e ha I a b m elf. Long, h ied ide bl nde ed o a d he dining- oom, he e I a . Hea ing hi foo ep nea ing, m hea ga e a iolen l ch and a ood of a m h ba hed me. He i he e! He e! Then, a ddenl , a cold clo ing h ne came o e me. S ddenl , I emembe ed ho di e en I looked I o ld look o him. China bol ed in o he oom. I had i en f om m ea , ead fo a g ee ing . . . a h g . . . a ki ? No g ee ing came. Fi , I had ai ed fo hi , e pec ed him o g ee me. When ha didn come, m o n g ee ing f o e in m h oa . A he igh : China face, a ma k ca ed f om he ha de ood, he g ee ing ha had p ng o hea a hea ing hi foo ep, died in m h oa . M hea ank. Thi a a di c l I had no an icipa ed. Bela edl , Mama o d came o m mind. Had he been igh , all along? Did I ha e ome hing o fea f om China? Wa m in him mi placed? Co ld he n again me? B ho ? Wh ? I poke . Told him e e hing. Which, in he on ilence of hi ne China, a b ief indeed. E en a I poke, I co ld ee e i ance in hi g ani e face. I co ld ee he didn an o hea a hing abo hi being a fa he - o-be. Wi h he ad an age of mo e han a eek, I had fo go en ho be ilde ing, ho f igh ening, he idea had been o me a . I a ill g appling i h i a i e e, m elf. Reeling. A odd momen , I fo nd I ac all lipped in o fan a ; pe aded m elf i a all a e ible mi ake. And ha I o ld ake p and nd ha i had all been a nigh ma e. No! China na led af e I nall opped alking, e plaining he i a ion e e e in. No, he aid, hi oice lo , ba el abo e a hi pe . The ell- emembe ed, belo ed e e , me e li a be of ime , e e na o ed ill he looked a ho gh he e e clo ed. Ye , inc edibl , f om ho e almo impe cep ible li da ed hin b deadl ong e of e. Mandi a, China hi ed, oice no ai ed and fo cef l. Ja clenched igh , he old me in no nce ain e m : Go and nd hoe e did hi o o . A cold hand cl ched m li le hea . . . and . . . ee ed. China, i h a oice ddenl gone hoa e, I called hi name. China, again, I aid, le me e plain. Plea e . . . plea e, le me e plain. E plain o o hea , Mandi a! E plain o o hea , no me! oa ed China, ning a a f om me o ha he no faced he doo . Agha , I looked a hi igid back. Wha a he a ing? Ho co ld he a ha ? Wha did he mean? Wh had he ned a a f om me? Wa he lea ing? Ho co ld he? B China a n i e done. Yo kno a ell a I do ha I had no hing o do i h ha e e i i o a e ca ing in o bell ! he h e o e hi ho lde . M leg b ckled benea h me. An in ol n a ga p e caped a I l nged fo a d, g abbing he back of a chai fo ppo . B he a k a dne and ddenne of m mo emen en he chai ki e ing ac o he oo hile I agge ed d nkenl and almo fell a on m di ended bell . The commo ion a led China. He ned f ll a o nd and ood once mo e facing me; al ho gh no na o ing he gap he had c ea ed be een b one jo . Hi o d had inded me i h a fo ce mo e han ha of a ph ical blo . When I d fo nd m fee again, I ood he e he had lef me, ck peechle b hem and he ehemence i h hich he d been aid. Fo a f ll min e nei he of poke. China, i i a ion no e led i h fea . I had o make him ee . . . nde and. I . . . i no like ha , a all. I can e plain e e hing. Gi e me . . . B he did no le me ni h ha I a going o a o him. M o d eemed o ha e nbo led him. I am going o boa ding chool he follo ing ea , he aid, hi oice a , i h nei he gladne no o o in i . Wi h no ace of adne o eg e . I opened m e e ide. No in p i e. B I o ld no le him ee m ea . I opened m e e ide, p eading he ea pl mping hem, b ning he idened pace be een m lid . Mandi a, China aid. I co ld ee ha he had di c l eading m eac ion. When he a ha I emained ilen , ill, he con in ed. The eache ha e helped me ge a chola hip. The hink I am b igh , I de e e o ge a highe ed ca ion. And Fa he ha been onde f ll coope a i e . . . I ha e hi comple e ppo . I co ld no belie e hi in en i i i . Did China eall hink I had an ed o lea e chool, ha e a bab , become hi ife . . . o an bod ife, fo ha ma e ? Did he hink I had no had plan fo con in ing i h m ed ca ion? I ood he e, m fee eighed a on. I ood he e, and a hea one came and lodged i elf in ide m hea . While he a b e plaining hi plan and hi di c l ie , I a ano he ide o he bo I had o ado ed and no ha long ago. China a ain. Self- cen ed. And eak. He a a lo -do n hea le c . All he pen - p di appoin men and be ilde men and fea of he pa en da elled p, all olled oge he in o a ma i e a e of ange . A e ible oa h ea ened o b m ea d m . Wh , o ! I had no mean o, b I hea d m oice c eam. China mall lan ed e e popped o . The g e o ide, i a he f nnie hing e e . I o ld ha e la ghed, had I no been o incen ed. I ode fo a d, o a d him, a m o e ched. He ook one long j mp back a d, g abbed he doo handle, opened he doo and epped o . H ng and p ng, I ood in he middle of he dining- oom, looking a him. S ddenl , I made fo he doo he had lef open. China leap fo he ga e, eaching i i h maddening ea e. He ood j in ide he ga e. S ood he e a ho gh he e e a a lo ha o do ne , ho o p oceed. Fo a fe econd , e ega ded each o he . . . no lo e in ho e e e , looking a me. Righ hen, I co ld ha e killed him had i been po ible . . . and no illegal, ome hing one o ld go o jail fo . Tha a no an op ion I en e ained. I a in eno gh o ble i ho going looking fo mo e. Don o e e , I hi ed, hen opped, hen con in ed. Don o e e da e e foo in hi ho e again! Wi ho one o d mo e, I ned a o nd and a n e ed a a . Di c l a i a , in m condi ion, I did m be o ca i o . Wi ho a ingle back a d glance, I alked o . Lea ing he doo open a he had lef i . If he kno ledge of m p egnanc had been bi e , China be a al a he hick gid nec a of he pl mp aloe leaf. The d eaded da a i ed. Al ead i mon h gone, I a aken o China home. I a no e ac l a ma ch. I alked ahead b a me e o o. The h ee men, m ncle , follo ed in a loo e cl e ; he o, Fa he b o he : Middle Fa he and Li le Fa he , moking hei pipe hile Mal me, Uncle-Who-i -Mo he -B o he , alked i h bo h hand pl nged deep in o hi o e pocke . Do n he ho oad, o China home. We e e a ai ed. Th ee o ng men, in hei hi ie , a a g e . And an olde gen leman, g e -hai ed and ea ing a i . Faded. B ill, a i . In G g le . On a Sa da . Tha , and ome inde nable ali , ome hing abo him, b ha ? I co ldn i e la m nge on, e he g e -hai ed gen leman apa . He looked lea ned. Hi hole demeano made him and o f om he e . D ing he p elimina mall alk, he ho a e o and he e ha e o come f om , he kep hi ilence. Looking f om one o he o he of ho e ho poke, a nge ma aging he ide of hi no e, no and hen. Wh do o b ing he he e, hen he look a ho gh he i d e an da no ? One of he o nge men cho en o nego ia e he ca e fo China ide, a ked, once he ea on fo o being he e a a ed. I had o be a ed, al ho gh e had en o d, hich i h he fo men e e he e . . . h he a ai ed . Thi a ome hing m g o p had an icipa ed. One of m ncle e plained he pec lia i ie of m i a ion: he la e de ec ion; being a a f om Mama; and hen, he bomb hell, m ela i e innocence. Yo a he i ha-aa ? She ha no been en e ed, e plained Mal me. She i ill hole. Who can a e o ha ? g o led he olde of he fo , he gen leman. Thi a he ime I d hea d hi oice, a deep- e ba . Lo b h nde o . The omen ha e een he . The a he i hole, Middle Fa he poke p in hi no-non en e oice. B , ho fa gone i he? he olde gen leman a ked, hi oice lo e ed. The nge , once mo e b a he ide of hi no e, hi e e on alk . Back and fo h. Back and fo h, he a g men en . In he end, he be- i ed man old m fa he : We ill end o d, oon. The clan going o mee o e hi , . Yo hall ee , hen e a e ead o an e o . On he a back, he di c ion of he mall g o p cen ed on he fac ha e had no been deal he mo e ible blo . China people had no o and o aid he e e no e pon ible. The o d (ha ed b he famil of he damaged o ng oman): We ill ee f om he child , had no been e ed. Wo d ha ca do b on he beha io of he gi l, ha aid he o ng man conce ned migh no be he onl one implica ed. No, China people had pa ed me ha , a lea . Al ho gh he d been fa f om en h ia ic in a ming e pon ibili : he had no aid he o ld no onl pa damage b o ld ake me fo a ife go p he hole a m and no op a he hand benyuke nengalo. So ha a a li le di appoin ing o m ncle . M di appoin men a no ca ching e en a glimp e of China. Some e id al do b linge ed in me ha , e e he o ge a econd chance, ee me again, el , he o ld change hi ne . . . e peciall , no ha he had had ime o hink he hole hing o e . . . adj o he ne pec ed. So, e en a e od o ea a back home, ho I eg e ed ho e ha o d : Don o e e da e e foo in hi ho e again.
I a eigh mon h p egnan , big a a balloon, he ne ime I a China. A he P ie o ce. Fa he Ma k Sa age had aken he ma e in o hi hand . He a a hi e man and a p ie . The efo e he did no ha e o con ince China o hi fa he o an bod el e of hi h. I a a naked h. Clo hed onl in he o hing he a : Whi e. A man of God. In aigh fo a d and bl n lang age, he aid, M on, o ill ma hi gi l. Yo e e bap i ed. Yo a e a Ch i ian. A Ch i ian can onl do ha i igh . Wha a igh , nde he ci c m ance , a ha he fa he of he child I a ca ing ma me. All ha emained, he eaf e , e e he fo mali ie . The lobola, fo emo . Ha il , ne - ife d e e had o be e n. And all he o he pa aphe nalia I o ld need in m ne life. China, oo, needed o change hi a . No bo can ake a ife. He had o go and ge him elf ci c mci ed. So, o o he b h he en . Fo a hole mon h, a lea . We o ld ge ma ied a oon a po ible af e he e ned.
Na e follo a di ine o de . P edic able. Each da , he n a pie ce da k nigh and bleed a ne da in o being. The e i no opping ha , no hinde ing i , no lo ing i do n. While he o clan a g ed, fo gh , blamed and demeaned each o he , m ime came. A i a mean o be, e he da he eed ha o ld be hi bbo n child pie ced m omb. Wi ho m a - o, i ho an in i a ion o enco agemen f om me o an one el e, fo ha ma e . While he nego ia ion ega ding hi pa en nion e e ill afoo , all o e he place, he came. Wai ing on no one eadine o con enience, o ing bo h legal and eligio con en ion, he came. On he fo h da of Jan a in 1973, m on a bo n. Eigh po nd fo o nce , he eighed. Th o gho he p egnanc , I had had mi ed feeling abo him: ange , ome ime ; jo ome ime . On he hole, ho gh, I hink ange a ppe mo . Hi ac al a i al didn imp o e hing . The e ible pain ha o e me apa i h he a agene of he ja of a ha k, killing all feeling belo m hip , high dead n mb hile m cen e a bla ing, a ho aging e ea ing h o gh i , old me I ha ed hi child . . . ha ed him o he i h a enom oo e ce e e o die. The min e I p hi p cke ed, f mbling lip again m b ea , g ided m oo ing a eole in o ha h ng il cking mo h, fel he ong g of hi ja , I fo ga e him. Fo gi e? Pe hap , ha no he igh o d. Wha had he e e done o me ha I ho ld hink I had o fo gi e him? Accep . Welcome. No, e en ho e do no a ha i a I fel a ha inc edible momen of onene . All I kno , all I fel , a hi all- inf ing, ligh -headedne ha came o e me. M hea mel ed, all pain fo go , all di appoin men and bi e ne , all g dge , e e hing nega i e, abla ed. Jo , p e and imple . . . I hink ha come clo e o de c ibing ha I fel . And I named him Hl melo, fo e en ho gh I o ld be l ing if I aid hi bi h had been a ca e fo celeb a ion, ome hing ha b o gh me p ide, ill I a and ho gh and fel , ha f om him good hing migh come. E peciall , he child en, m g andchild en. Hl melo, Sp ig. Une pec ed and na ked fo , none hele in f ll e i ence no . He had o be ackno ledged. And a i did eem a ho gh good hing o ld come, fo i a n long befo e Ta a had a change of of hea . Ngawuthi ndigone lento yakho, he aid one da . Le me h g hi hing of o . And ha a he beginning of he end. Hencefo h he bab a hi op on hi e n f om o k.
Mo e han a hole mon h af e m bab bi h, a g im-faced Ta a aid, Yo hea , hen, Mandi a, m da gh e . Hi e e e e gl ed o hi fee . I emained ilen . S nned. I co ldn belie e m ea . Ta a had been he mo e ppo i e of he o. Once he had go o e hi hock. O o age. Unfo na el , da gh e , he opped, looked a me a ho gh he ho gh I o ld a ome hing. B I kep m peace. Then, alking a o nd m ilence, he en on, picking p f om he e he d lef o . . . e a e led b la . We li e o li e h o gh ad ice, con l a ion and allo ing o bo ing do n o he oice of he majo i . Ne e can I m e e abo e he e e of he man , ho a e m famil , m clan. He looked p hen. Looked a me, hi e e b igh i h n hed ea . The e a appeal in ho e e e . Onl da befo e, e had gone o e he hole a ai . Thi ma iage o China. The nego ia ion had been a d , o p i mildl . I had old Ta a and Mama hen he e I ood. And Ta a had ppo ed me. To Mama chag in. Mama j didn nde and. La e Feb a . Hl melo (o Michael a Mama in i ed on calling m bab ) a almo o mon h old. B hi ime, I no longe an ed o ma China. A I aid o Mama hen, he hole ea on fo ma ing China no longe ood . . . a no longe alid. I e had he bab no , I poin ed o . So ha he poin of ma ing China? He i he fa he of o child, i he no ? Mama e o ed. Ye . So, h a e e a g ing? Wh , no , hen hi people a e beginning o ee ea on? Mama, I aid, e e e ppo ed o ge ma ied o ha he child o ld no be bo n o of edlock. So ha I o ld no be an n ed mo he , b ing di g ace pon he famil . She aid no hing. J looked a me a ho gh I e e ome hing mell he ca had d agged in. B I a no de e ed. Well, ha ha al ead happened, I aid and, poin ing o he bed oom, added, The e Hl melo l ing on he bed, in ide he e. Mama e e follo ing m hand. Then, he p lled he e e back and looked a Ta a. When he a ha he a no going o a an hing, he aid: I o ld ill be he be hing o do. Wh ? China and hi people had anno ed me g ea l . He had ned o o be a lil -li e ed, pinele dog, ho h nned hi e pon ibili ie . Tha had ce ainl c ed me of an no ion of lo e fo him. Looking a Ta a, Mama aid, I hi he la child he ill e e b ing o hi ho e? She pa ed, ned he e e o me, e eb o ai ed o he ceiling, befo e con in ing. O . . . again he looked a Ta a, da ing him, p lling him back in o he a g men , . . . a e e going o be ai ing a hole packe of A o ed Bi c i , he e? Ta a co ghed . . . o o ied ome phlegm, mo e imagina han an hing el e, deep in hi che . Of co e, he co gh o nded hollo , a ho gh he e e d edging an old, d , no-longe -in- e ell. He hif ed hi eigh f om one o he o he foo , looked a o nd he oom a ho gh he had fo go en hich a he doo la . Mmhhm-mmhhm-mmhm! He loo ened hi hi colla and c a ched he ide of hi neck. B no o d came f om hi mo h. I d g m heel in. I an ed o go back o chool. We had di c ed hi and he had ag eed. B ha a hen hing looked bleak, a fa a m ge ing ma ied o China en . The nego ia ion had eached gl . And looked a ho gh he e e going he a of all e il. Mama, plea e hink abo hi , I aid gh ing back ea . Wha ma iage do o hink China and I can e e ha e, if he ha o be fo ced in o i ? Asikokuzibophelela nenj’ enkangeni oko? I ha no ing one elf o a dog in a pa ch of ne le ? Mama looked a me a ho gh I had ddenl p o ed ho n . B I pe i ed: Mama, ha do o hink he dog doe each ime he feel he ing? Tha a ed a hea ed a g men , i h Mama acc ing Ta a of iding i h me. Which hing, of co e, he denied ehemen l , hile I helped him do o. No , e e e all alking a he ame ime o ha i e a acke e l ed. Finall , af e m impa ioned plea, Ta a poke. The e i h in ha he child i a ing, Mo he of Kha a, he aid. If o a o? A ha , Mama emembe ed he had ome hing on he o e. Wen o he ki chen, he e he emained n il Ta a called he back. A e e done, he e? he a ked he . I hink o and o da gh e ha e made o deci ion. And o ? Ta a a ked. I do a I m old, Mama aid. Tha i ha my fa he a gh me. I am no j aking ha hi child a , Ta a e plained. B , o ha e o ag ee ha he e people ha e ea ed habbil . Time and again, he ha e b oken hei o d. The ha e lied, p e a ica ed and acc ed of being chea , lia and o e. Mo e and mo e I m beginning no o ee he en e of gi ing m child o ch. Pe hap , he igh and he hing o do i fo he o go back o chool. O e Mama clea if n a ed objec ion , Ta a had ag eed o m gge ion. Tha ame eek, had gi en me mone and I en and en olled fo e ening cla e a S F anci Ad l Ed ca ion Cen e, in Langa.
B no , he e a Ta a, him elf going back on hi o d. Hi b o he , and he hole clan, e e oppo ed o he idea of m going back o chool. No hen he Themb clan, China people, e e ead o make me a ife. M hand a e ied, m child, Ta a aid, eeing m di e . C om dic a ed ha he li ened o he co n el of he clan. I a no hi po e ion b belonged o he hole clan in good and bad ime . And deci ion a ec ing m life e e no hi o make . . . no alone o o he e cl ion of ha collec i e i dom dic a ed.
Hl melo a o mon h and h ee eek old hen e lef he onl home he had e e kno n. Fo he home ha o ed o ea a hei e o n. China and I nall go ma ied. No in ch ch. No in he magi a e o ce. B onl b m al ag eemen be een o e pec i e familie . Which i o a , hi people ga e m people lobola and e e accep ed b m people a in-la ; people ho had aken he da gh e of hi clan o be hei child. The e a no ce emon . The a angemen made, a da ed, m do bo gh . On ha da , Mama ga e me a bag and aid, a ca al a o plea e: I d ake m nde ea , a lea . And a ea e , if I e e o . I ga he ed I a allo ed o ake a fe of m pe onal hing i h me. Thing f om he gi lhood I a lea ing behind. The gi lhood I had ha dl had ime o e pe ience, ne e mind enjo . F ida . Ea l e ening, a li le af e dinne - ime, Mal me came, in a bo o ed an. Mal me, Ta a, Kha a and D mi ani, Mal me f iend and he o ne and d i e of he an, packed he an. Don fo ge o bag, aid Mama. Ye , Mama. A I a lea ing, Mama ddenl aid, Will o le me kno hen o e going o he clinic? P led, I looked a he . He need me, he aid impl . He ed o me and I ha en eall a gh o ho o ake him abo , he opped, lo l hook he head, ighed, and no , i oo la e. I ll le o kno , I aid. Poo Mama. She had come no onl o accep he Michael b lo e him oo, I no a . She o ld mi him. The men had ni hed packing he an. I ood in he middle of he dining- oom nable o mo e. The ho gh ha I a lea ing had become in ole able. Unbea able. I did no an o do hi . B , in hi oo, i a oo la e. I ge ing la e, Mama aid, he oice ca ching. He o d ngl ed m fee . A I lef , I ho gh I a a glin in he e e. Wa he c ing? B h ? To ee me go o , bab on m back? Ye , I ho gh o m elf, ha m be ome hing o he . . . a f l. The nal admi ion. I had a bab . All and nd co ld ee ha plain a da . The e. I a ac all ca ing he bab on m back. Mama had accompanied me o he po -na al clinic he fe ime Hl melo and I had gone, and each ime he had had him on he back. The o ne i ca e , big and packed o oca ion, and o eno mo ca dboa d bo e ook p mo of he pace a he back of he an. Mal me a d i ing and he old me o i ne o him. The e a onl one o he pe on, i ing on he o ide, Ta ophaka hi, Middle Fa he . Thi o ld be he ime I o ld leep i h he bab . Mama had done ha f om he da Hl melo and I e ned f om he ho pi al. Once mo e, i a b o gh home o me ha moil he coming of hi child had b o gh o m life. We e i no fo him, of co e, I o ld ill be in chool. In ead, I a fo ced in o being a ife, fo e e abandoning m d eam , hope , a pi a ion . Fo e e . We ood o ide he ga e a Took ie , he e China li ed i h hi a n . Took ie mo he . A o ng man I ecogni ed a one of he h ee p e en he da e had b o gh o ca e came o mee . I e been a ked o a k o o plea e come in ide, he aid. Mal me hanked him and e ooped in. A on he da I d been b o gh o hi ame ho e o m famil co ld claim damage , I led he li le pa . A e opened he doo , he ha p, pie cing o nd of a ole l lan g ee ed . A once, o he omen picked i p, and oon he ill lled he hole ho e and pilled o on o he ee . KIII-II-KIIKIIIIKII! HALALAA! HA-AALAA-AALAA! I imagined p i ed doo , lef and igh and p and do n he ee , je ked open a c io face pee ed, follo ing he l la ion. We e e in he f on oom no , he dining- oom, he la ge of he fo li le oom . Fo , incl ding he a ki chen o he back. Mal me ook me b he hand and handed me o e o a mall g o p of o ng omen, Took ie among hem. The e o ld be he da gh e of he clan . . . m ne i e , ho o ld ind c me in o ifehood, in o becoming pa of hi clan. Taking me b he hand, he led me a a , o he malle of he o bed oom . Thi i ha he b ing i h he . Nantsi impahla eza nayo, I hea d Mal me a o he ga he ing f om hich I a being led a a . The e of he e ening i a bl . No beca e of he ea , e pec ed of all b ide a o he i e he oman i b anded a bo n- kno ing , umavel’ esazi, ho came o he edding da f ll e ed in hing pe aining o ifehood. A c e o he mo he -in-la , ce ain ina ion o he h band, ho o ld ha e o obe he a he han he o he a o nd, a God long, long ago dec eed. The ma o in e e bone in m bod eemed o ha e d ied p. In i ead, lling he bone ill he h ea ened o c ack and pli open, boiled all he e en men and ange and h and fea I had been e pe iencing la el . All hi ac i i n mbed me. Wo d e e aid, di ec ed a me. M ea hea d hem. B he had li le, if an impac on me. I a a ho gh he e e being aid o ano he . O o me a a ime emo e . . . a ime ill o come . . . o one long gone. Q ickl , o of he o nge i e -in-la helped me ge o of he clo he I o e hile he one ho looked olde di ec ed ope a ion . I a hen d e ed in o annel pe icoa , a bl e, ill- melling-of- he- hop Ge man-p in d e , coming do n o j abo e he ankle and a black headke chief i h a g e bo de p lled lo do n o ha i almo hid m e e . A o el a o nd m ai and ano he o e one ho lde , pinned nde he o he a m comple ed m ne - ife mode of d e . I a ime o be p e en ed o m in-la . . . p e en ed o hem a a ife, no he gi l ho had epped in a li le hile ago. Wh , omeone, a man, e claimed, a e e-en e ed he dining- oom, he Ge man-p in ha allo ed he p. I had been nde o m ch e d ing he p egnanc and af e , I had lo a lo of eigh . I had no been e ac l hea o a o i h and no he Ge man-p in d e , ied a o nd he ai , made me a e i able bean pole ied in he middle. Wha a e o calling he ? a ked omeone el e e en a I a being led o a chai , in a co ne of he oom, o i he e all b m elf. I ai ed, fo I kne he i al. Someone o ld b ing me a c p of ea and call o a name. I co ld ef e he ea ill a name I liked came p. On he o he hand, if m in-la an ed o be na , he co ld op a ome poin and gi e me no al e na i e. Then, I d e ell be ck i h an npala able name . . . e peciall if he did no like me o ho gh I had ef ed name he hem el e a he fancied. Nohehake! aid Took ie mo he , he i e of China fa he . A nake li he ed do n he f o in m back. Hehake, an e clama ion of e p i e a ome inc edible, nimaginable mon o i , ome hi he o nhea d of d eadf lne . No i h anding he moil aging in ide me, m igh hand calml e ched i elf o , accep ing he c p of ea. Accep ing he mocke of a name i h hich m in-la cho e o elcome me in o hei mid . I had e pec ed he name of ifehood. I a he c om o lea e all he hing of one gi lhood behind, incl ding he name. B I a aken i e aback hen m in-la ga e a ne name o m on. He al ead ha o name , I aid. Molokazana, aid Took ie mo he , o famil had no igh o name o child fo . Wha name a he gi en? China fa he an ed o kno . B befo e I co ld an e him, ano he man j mped in, People eem o hink naming a child i child pla . All hi life, hi pe on ill be kno n b he gi en name. And of en, hi pe onali ill e ec ha name. Yo can a ha again, Took ie mo he aid. Wha a e he e name ? Yo did a he a gi en o? I call him Hl melo b Mama call him Michael. Yo ? Yo call him? China fa he a ked, e e idened. A e o elling o named him o elf? I nodded. Wh ? The e a no one el e a he ho pi al and he n e an ed a name. A long ilence follo ed m e ela ion. Child en a e named b g andpa en , mo e of en han no . E en a o nd he bi h of he child fea e a lo ega ding ha name he child ill be gi en: Mfa e, a bo n d ing a a ; Ndlala, d ing a ime of famine; Nd ebo, d ing a ime of plen ; N okolo, ife; Mbalela, d o gh ; e en he o n he e he fa he o ked a a mig an labo e hen he child a bo n a e ome ime ed. The e a e a lo of Cape o n , F na heni (Ve eeniging), and Rha ini (Johanne b g). The hi o of he ibe, he a e of he clan, he hope he famil ha bo a e o he de e minan ha ma go in naming a child. Well, Molokazana, again, i a Took ie mo he ho b oke he ilence. She eemed o be he g o p poke pe on. We ha e decided o call him M oli i. A pic e of a no -no ed bo in m cla back in G ng l l a hed befo e m e e . M head d opped, m e e ma ing. Plea e, God, don le me c . No no . M oli i? We hope, ho gh hi coming and o coming o e e o f a gh i h deba e and a g men , ha he ill b ing he o clan oge he . . . ha he ill heal he o nd and b ing all ome peace, China fa he aid. M oli i, he a named ha nigh . M oli i, he a bap i ed, a fe eek la e . M oli i he became o all, incl ding me, in d e co e. Fo ome ime, ho e e , I d j called him Bhabha. B e en all , e en I o ld come o call him M oli i. He, ho o ld b ing peace.
The nego ia ion p eceding m joining China a hi ife e e o m , f ll of ec imina ion and m d- inging. Whe e ma iage and ma iage nego ia ion a e o bond o familie o o clan he e e e e on clea ing, ealing o familie in a ne e -d ing bond of enmi . Had Fa he Sa age, nde hom China fa he e ed a a la p eache , no in i ed ha China do he igh hing a a Ch i ian , I do b he ma iage nego ia ion o ld ha e a ed a all. B hen, ho he d agged on and on and on! And, angel , i a China people ho, af e he bab a bo n, ned a o nd and no an ed he ma iage mo e han an hing el e in he o ld. Ho e e , b hen, b he ime he e e hell ben on i , I no longe a in e e ed in i a all. Onl he in i ence of m e ended famil , hei p e e on Ta a, fo ced me o go h o gh i h i a hi poin . On he da of he edding i elf, b he ime e e en all en o bed, all m do b had e faced, m l iplied a ho and ime . The enaming of Hl melo p e me. Shocked me. I a a ho gh I had lo a child. Wha jo can he e be in a mo he hea e en hen he dead child i eplaced? Hl melo. M oli i? Thank God, no one ho gh o gi e him a chool o Ch i ian name. When he a ed chool, I o ld e Mama Michael, I o ed. The nide ema k I d o e hea d d ing m ind c ion (and pe hap o e hea d i no i e acc a e, a he e e e aid lo d eno gh ha I ho ld hea hem) c opped p a bed ime. Ho co ld o b ing ch a mi e l do , aid m h band. I hea he gi l ki a e ome cheap ma e ial; he doek of he g andmo he , oo mall o ap in an b he mo imple le; and onl one bo le fo he a of bee ? Yo ho ld alk! I e o ed. Yo people ha en e en ni hed gi ing lobola. I ho ldn e en be he e, l ing ne o o . We pen o edding nigh i h back o each o he . Tha a he beginning of a pa e n: a g men and co n e a g men fo med he ba i and back-bone of o ma iage. The ne mo ning, like all good makotis, I j mped o of bed a fo , m da had beg n. Half an ho la e , ook in co ee o Took ie pa en and China fa he , in he o bed oom . China and I e e in one of e e al hokkies in he back- a d. In ead of a ga den, he back- a d had o o of hokkies. I oon go ed o he g elling o ine: la o bed and o i e. I a pe pe all o e ha ed I ook nap d ing he da . Nap of o . Si ing p, I o ld p e end I a feeding he bab hile bo h of e e fa a leep. He, in m ea and aching a m . I had come o m edding hin. In h ee mon h , I a kin and bone . When Mama pa ed b one da , he a ked: Do he hang o in he af e hen he ea ? And he ne ime he came, he had a me age fo me f om Ta a. He aid o ell o o mind o don go o of doo on ind da a o migh be blo n a a . We la ghed b Mama aid, Se io l ho gh, Ta a i o ied. He aid o ell o , don fo ge o can al a come home. China go a job o king a he Cold Mea S o age in Cape To n. He go in a e en in he mo ning and knocked o a e en a nigh . The e a a big b eak, f om el e o fo in he af e noon and hi mlungu aid he co ld leep a he back of he o age, d ing ha l nch b eak. B al ho gh he needed ha leep, a he lef he ho e a i , China an ed o ge o of ha place each momen he co ld. Place make m clo he mell of blood, he complained. Th , China oo e ed f om lack of leep. Ho e e , hen he came back f om o k, he co ld ake a nap. Ac all ge in o bed o lie on op, clo e hi e e and no e ho ld he cho e. No p e end leep fo him. I a lled i h en . Befo e he bab had come, if o d ee ed a hole b h of aloe and p he j ice in o a la ge pail, ha pail o ld no con ain half he bi e ne in m bod . Bi e . Fo he adpole ha a g o ing in m omach hen I had kep m elf p e. No , I a bi e fo ano he ea on. The e ha had o o ed China and me hen e e e no ppo ed o ench hem in each o he . . . no ha e e e man and ife . . . i h e e hing el e going ong be een ho e eache o and o ing e e e gone. Dead. I don kno abo China. All ha o ed me a nigh , i h him l ing dead igh ne o me, on he ame, ame bed, e e he icio memo ie of o olen nigh oge he . . . long, long ago, i eemed no . Then, e e hing I co ld e e de i e, a igh he e in hi e e. All he d e e hi fo , he fo nd in mine. I a like ha be een hen. Which i h e co ld lake he b ning hi in each o he knee . B no , i h all Canaan open befo e , e e e ddenl ck blind o ha e e bea la in he o he . I a e familia i h China i back. Don b ea he on me, I o ld na l, hene e I en ed he an ed o come clo e. Mo nigh , I confe , I an ed none of ha . Too i ed. J impl oo i ed. All ha o k he made me do a a ne ife, umakoti, j killed me. Soon, e go ed o being oge he like ha . T o dead d log . To lea e a i , China had o be p a e. Being China, he momen of ge ing o of bed a al a b al a po poned ill i became ine i able. U all , o j a a e of an ho befo e he had o lea e. One mo ning, I hea d Bhabha c and en back o he hokkie. Seeing ha i a half-pa - e, I oke China p. Wake p! Wake p! I aid, pa ing him on he ho lde . Sh p, ill o ? ba ked China, olling o e on o he o he ide. Oh, e c e me, I aid, a ending o he c ing child. The cold one of oice m ha e p i ed China. He hook he blanke o hi face and g o led: Do I o k fo o ? Wha d o ca e hen I ake p? I ho gh I a helping. I oo la e fo ha , no , he aid. When o co ld ha e helped me, o cho e no o. I ni hed p hing he pin h o gh he bab napkin and fa ened i . Then I looked a him. Wha d o mean? Look a me! oa ed China, nall p inging p and o of bed. Bea ing hi ba e che i h he h mb of hi balled , he c eamed, Look a he me I m in. J look a me! No e en and al ead o of chool, doing a job I ha e! I kne he a alking abo o being pa en . No. Abo hi being a fa he and a h band. The dog in he pa ch of ne le . The dog and I. So oon, ho gh? So oon, he had a ed feeling hi life a a e . . . ome hing he o ld al a e en ? Wha ha go o do i h o being la e fo o k? Don o ee? I o ldn be o king no , doing a pid job, ge ing pean fo i . Tha m fa l ? Yo co ld ha e aken o omach o ! China ng a he lef he hokkie, p nching hi a m h o gh he lee e of a jacke a he omped o of he doo . S p i e p ng m ja ide open. Fo a f ll min e he a ed like ha . Mo h agape. B no c eam came. All mo ning, all da , Ribba face a ed befo e m e e . He h oa ch ckle ha a hed he ne en b angel a ac i e ee h; he ca ef ll ca ele gai ; fee al a in hoe ; al a o bea if ll a i ed. Ribba. Dead, long befo e he a en . Dead, ing o ake he omach o . Each ime I ho gh of ha China had aid o me ha mo ning, I cked m ee h. S cked m ee h in and hook m head. Each ime I held m bab in m a m , p him on m b ea . And die? Fo ha ?
If China a fed- p i h hi lo , I co ld ha dl ai fo m pe iod of ukuhota o ini ia ion o come o an end. O dina il , hi e en i ma ked b he a i al of he child o he end of ha a deemed a igni can pe iod all , a ea . Since China and I had p he ca befo e he ho e, I hoped I o ld ge a di co n o abb e ia ed en ence. Si mon h , pe hap . M da a longe han China , ho eemed no o no ice ha fac . When he lef , he bab a ge ing hi feed, he ad l had al ead had hei mo ning-in-bed co ee, and b eakfa a ai ing in he ing . When China en o bed, M oli i d ank hi la bo le fo he da . Be een ha bo le and he ne mo ning , I n ed him a lea h ee ime . In he co e of he da , I eldom p m i ed bone do n, no a momen e pi e. Ea l mo ning: co ee b eakfa choolchild en and ad l a h he o nge child en and ge hem ead fo chool d e hem p and collec hei book , ca e ed h o gho he ho e and in ome of he o ide hokkies emp chambe po no ha he ad l ha e lef fo o k ge he child en o o chool - pick p nigh clo he e n all o e he place make p bed eep h o gh he ho e do la nd , i on e e da a end o he bab i ime o a ppe he choolchild en ill be back an min e no , ge hei nack ead dinne almo ead he e he e, he ad l ha come home: make ea la e , e e bod back f om he al mine : feed he i ed a m hen m ch la e : li en o China hine abo hi job, abo he i edne of hi fee , abo ho m ch he doe n make a eek. L ck him, he go paid. He had mone in hi hand , and he had a eek, i h a beginning and an end. M eek a one long o nd of cho e , i h no b eak ha oe e . S nda e e he o . A lea , d ing he eek, I didn ha e o e e l nch. No S nda . The deacon, m fa he -in-la , had o come back o a meal - ead ho e. Thi , af e he hef b eakfa I had e ed, had o e e, befo e he all lef fo ch ch. And cooking fo m fa he -in-la a no ea ma e . The man pe pe all eminded me of hi p o e a a chef a he G and Ho el in M i enbe g. Big abelungus a e o of hi hand, he b agged of en.
A he ea d e o a clo e, I began o feel be e , o da e o hope. Thing had o ge be e ne ea . The o ld ge be e . Wo ld I no be aking e ening cla e a S F anci Ad l Ed ca ion Cen e? When ha happened, m in-la o ld be fo ced o ha e he cho e . Be ide , m ea ini ia ion o ld be o e . Ye , m hea danced, hing o ld be m ch ea ie fo me ne ea . I j kne he o ld. Ea l in Decembe , fea ing chool migh clo e befo e I had egi e ed a S F anci fo he follo ing ea , I b o gh p he ma e of chooling i h China. We ll ha e o alk o Ta a abo i , China aid. M fa he had al ead alked o hi fa he abo i . Wa back d ing he ma iage nego ia ion . Wh did e need o do mo e alking? Yo fa he ag eed I o ld go back o chool. Well hen, aid China, e ll j le him kno , hen. Molokazana, m fa he -in-la aid ha F ida af e noon. He ne e did call me b m ma ied- oman name, Nohehake, hich Took ie hole famil ed eligio l . M on men ioned o e hinking of chool, ne ea . Ye , Ta a, e e lo e ed, I eplied. I i no oo oon? M e e e igh p. I mean , he aid ickl , no do b eeing he look of con e na ion on m face, i he bab no oo o ng ill? I had no in en ion of ai ing fo m on o a chool befo e going back o chool m elf. B ho o app oach hi man, ho ielded o m ch po e o e m li le life? Mama ill look af e him, hen I m in chool. I co ld hea m hea knock again he ib cage. Painf ll . And , I added a an af e ho gh , i o ldn be e e e ening. We ll ee. Le me hink abo i , hen. Tha ea , he bab a oo o ng fo hi mo he o be abo a nigh . I had o nde and ha babie e e f agile. All kind of e il oamed abo a nigh and I o ld b ing him ome of ha e il. Did I an o kill hei child? I ai ed. Wha el e co ld I do? M oli i ned one ea . A pa of me ha ed him. No him . . . b ha he a . . . had been . . . he e ec he eemed o ha e on m life. Al a nega i e, al a chea ing me of ome hing I de pe a el an ed. I h nk; beca e he a . A fo killing hei child, no , ha a a la gh. If I had no c imped, c a ched a o nd fo odd and end , and e ched he c ap m fa he -in-la b o gh back f om he ho el on he da he a o d , hei child o ld ha e a ed o dea h. Wh , on occa ion, I had o ake mone o food o bo h f om Mama. And I mean fo he bab . Don fo ge o lea e me ome mone fo he bab fo m la, I eminded China one mo ning. Ha e o aken him o he b ea ? No. Wh ? Yo eem o be ing p a lo of hi SMA. Didn e j b him o in , he o he da ? T o mall in . T o gi e him mo e b ea han bo le, aid m h band, eminding me hi fa he ga e him b o m ch a eek.
Me cif ll , he in e minable ea d e o a clo e. Again I ai ed he e ion of m chooling. Thi ime, mone a ca ce. M fa he o ld gi e me he mone , I aid. No, came he epl f om m fa he -in-la . No, he had hei p ide. Ho of en o ld I n home each ime he e a a p oblem in m ne home? Wo ld ha no a o m blood famil , hei abakhozi, ha m h band and hi famil co ld no cope i h looking af e hei ne da gh e , no hei o n child? I a hen ha he p omi e m in-la ga e, ce ainl a fa a he ma e of m ed ca ion en , e e a e o a ie e. Tho e p omi e o ld be po poned, defe ed and b oken ill m d eam e e nall fo go en. Till he had died. Then, one shushu da , i ho a ning, i ho a ing goodb e, China j pped and alked igh o of m life. The e pa en ea , I ha e no hea d a o d f om him. In he ne ea , e had celeb a ed M oli i econd bi hda . T o eek la e , hi fa he a gone. J like ha . One Monda , he didn come back f om o k. The ne mo ning, e e one looked a me a ho gh I had done ome hing ong. O , in ome manne I co ld no fa hom, had failed. He m ha e gone o hi fa he , Took ie mo he aid. He b o he ill o ked a he g and G and Ho el o in M i enbe g and came o a eekend , hen he a o d . On F ida , m fa he -in-la a i ed. He a f io ha e had no called o ell him of hi on di appea ance. Makoti, M Child! haking hi head, hi e e looking an he e and e e he e e cep he e I ood, he aid in a lo oice f ll of de pai . I ho gh I co ld o . I a nned. Ho co ld i po ibl be m fa l China had aken him elf he e e i a he had gone? B hi fa he a no i e done i h me. No b a long ho . I lea e o he e i h m on, he aid. And no , I nd him gone. He i no he e. B o a e ill he e, i h o on and o didn bo he le ing me kno mine a gone. We ho gh he a i h o , Ta a, I aid. I ee. B I co ld ee ha he did no ee. Tha m o d made no en e o him a all. Af e ha , i ho e en ha ing had he c p of ea I had p befo e him oon af e he came, he lef . He a going o China place of o k, he aid. See if ome hing had happened o him he e. Since ha a he la kno n place he e he d gone, ha he e he d a looking. China had la been een a hi job on Monda . Knocked o a e en, a al. Then he didn ho p he ne da , o he ne . When he didn come on Th da , hi bo b oke in o hi locke and fo nd i ba e. He hi ed omeone el e in hi place. Wha a o clea o China bo a fa f om clea o hi famil . Hi face long, m fa he -in-la old of hi nding and hen anno nced: Ho doe ha mlungu kno China e e kep an hing in ha locke , in he place? The ea ch had beg n in ea ne . Ma be he had been a e ed fo a pa o ence o ome hing el e. Hi fa he en o he Police S a ion,. Then, o he ho pi al . Phoned each and e e one of ho e ha had a d fo black people. Took he ain and en o ho e i hin he icini of Cape To n: G oo e Sch . Con adie. W nbe g. Up and do n he en , p and do n, ha hole da . No China. No a ace of him an he e. A hole eek m fa he -in-la pen looking fo hi on. Took o f om o k o do ha . No pa fo him ha eek. Looking fo China. E e he e. E e he e. B he g o nd had opened p and allo ed him hole. Nea l en ea la e , I ha e no hea d f om him. No a o d f om he fa he of m -bo n child, in almo en ea . I don hink he e e go o e no kno ing, ill I a f ll h ee mon h p egnan , ha he a abo o be a fa he . Going o G ng l l ce ainl me ed hing p p ope l fo China and me. Pe hap . Fo , I can ne e a fo e. Will ne e kno . Some ime , ho gh, hen I hink abo i , I a o m elf, pe hap if ha hole ad i a ion of o nding o el e abo o be pa en , hen e had aken all nece a p eca ion , had e ealed i elf o bo h of a he ame ime and place, hing migh ha e ned o di e en l . B , a I a , I ill ne e be e abo he hf lne of ha . Mean hile, i h China gone o onl God kno he e, I oon fo nd I needed a job. Hi fa he a o di a gh , he co ldn bea o come o G g le an mo e. He a ed a a f om hi i e ho e. Na all , ha mean e opped eeing he colo of hi mone oo. And oon, i became ob io , al ho gh people kep calling me makoti ha ho e makoti I a , a a p le. A b den. I ook a job. Wha el e? A a dome ic e an . Sleep o . Tha didn mean I a e c ed f om m makoti cho e . So I had o ge p o ho befo e da n. To ge m elf and he bab ead fo o k and hen gi e e e bod hei b eakfa befo e he en o o k and I, bab on m back, made m a o m job. B , i hin he i mon h of o king, I lef Took ie ho e, he e I had become a eal a e peg in a o nd hole. Which i h , de pe a e a m i a ion a , I didn go back o m home, m gi lhood home. In ead, I looked fo and fo nd a hokkie fo en a he back of omeone el e ho e. A hokkie of m o n.
M oli i g e a ho gh he e e a apling d ing a mme of bo n if l ain . A fa a he ho p ph icall , o he a pec of hi de elopmen e e e en mo e pec ac la . A o, he co ld a hing in a a an one co ld nde and, no j hi mama. B ha age, he kne mo e o d han child en ice hi age. He an he da he lea n o alk. Of co e, he ne e c a led. He a ch a ma el child ha e e one lo ed him. Mama and Ta a ab ol el ado ed him. Mo e o hen, follo ing hi lo ing hi fa he , hi o he g andfa he , China fa he , oon al o di appea ed f om o li e . While I o ld be l ing if I aid he e de elopmen b o gh me an eg e , ill I fel M oli i di e a he ab p change in hi li le o ld. Ce ainl , o me, he appea ed o mi he old gee e . And fo a long ime af e China di appea ance, he o ld a k me o do ome of he hing China did i h him, ch a kick ball o pin a op fo him. Al o, he o ld epea he o d tata tata tata o him elf d ing pla . E peciall hen he a all alone hile I a b a o nd o li le hokkie. In ime, ho e e , I fo nd him a ing i le and le . B , no once did he e e di ec l a k me fo hi fa he . No once, n il one da hen he a h ee ime he age he d been hen he la a ha fa he . Mean hile, e did e e hing oge he . He en o o k i h me, and I pla ed i h him, hen e e e home in he e ening and o e he eekend. He lo ed peek-a-boo and, la e , hide-and- eek. Wha f n e had eaching him imfumba and qashi-qashi! La e ill, I lea n a lo of li le bo game . We lea n o kick ball and pin op oge he . One da , M oli i a a he big ho e a he back of hich e li ed, he e I almo al a lef him hen I en o o k o o do g oce hopping. He liked a ing he e beca e he e e e olde child en ho do ed on him. The o bo , Za i and M amo, bo h in hei ea l een , ook him e e he e he en : o he eld he e he loca ion bo ga he ed and pla ed occe , a game of ma ble , p n hei op , o j p n a n abo ho e hing of in e e o bo ha age . . . bo knocking a he doo of manhood. On hi da , ho e e , he bo had lef M oli i behind a he did hen going o chool o ome he e el e he e hi p e ence o ld be a n i ance. Recen l , ha had been happening i h inc ea ing f e enc and no beca e of chool ei he . S den e e bo co ing cla e . Again and fo he mp een h ime, in he pa e o o ea . S ddenl , g n ho ang. Unganyebelezeli, kuza kudlalwa! piped M oli i li le oice, calling fo da ing and de ance. To look a him do he a c of he Com ade , poi ed in a de an ance, hi in p in he ai , co ldn b end all ho e ho hea d him in o pa o m of la gh e . The e a no hing n al abo hi . M oli i, no fo ea old, co ld al ead ell he di e ence be een he bang! of a g n ing and he Gooph! of a b ning k ll c acking, he b ain e ploding. Thi da , ho e e , min e af e he on e of he ing, M amo, mo h f o hing, an in o he ho e; Za i, e e hanging o of hei ocke f om fea , clo e on hi heel . Q ickl and i h he help of hei fa he , he opened he back doo , ng o Za i jacke , h e i fa o he back of he pa h c ing h o gh he hokkies and going o he back fence. The mo he hen ee ed he bo in o he a d obe and locked i . Don mo e! Don b ea he! aid he fa he o he bo . E e bod en o he back in i ne o he eeing bo . A fe min e la e , he police o med in o he ho e. Ca ing ca ic glance lef and igh and in o he e e of ho e p e en , he omped h o gh he ho e, in o he bed oom, in o he i ing oom, in o he ki chen and o on o he back a d. Whe e a e he ? Whe e a e he bo ho an in he e a min e ago? he ba ked. M e i h g ief- inged fea , ho e a he back of he ho e poin ed el c an l o e he fence. The police en o he fence, eali ed ha he bo had clea ed i and an o of he a d of he adjacen ho e. We ll ge hem ne ime, he o ed. One policeman icio l kicked a he lifele jacke on he g o nd. Kicked i ill i j mped in o he ai , hich lled i p, momen a il ballooning he lee e . Then, lo l e haling, he jacke danced i a back do n. Slo l came do n. Till, nall , i fell limpl back on o he g o nd. And lo all i ai life-likene . A hich, one of he nifo med men icio l amped on i and, i h bo h fee , g o nd i o he he di - e n ea h; ba e ing i al ho gh i o e ed no gh , no e i ance a all. Then, epa le e gleaming nde beef bicep , he h ee ooped back in o he ho e on hei a o . Tell hem, e ll be back. The ill no e cape, ne ime! he leade , and , pa kle e e na o ed, g o led, anding a he f on doo , gla ing a ho e in ide he ho e. The la of he h ee men had one foo o of he doo hen he ddenl hi led a o nd, opped ho b a mall, h ill oice. Naba! clea a p ing a e high p he mo n ain , ang he oice, once mo e ai ed in e ci emen . Nab’ ewodrophini! He e he a e! He e he a e, in he a d obe! c eamed M oli i, poin ing o he a d obe. A cle e li le mile all o e hi ch bb face. He aid ho e e ible o d and, if a a ink, i ne ed hei o come. The bo j mped o and made fo he indo . B hen he hi he back ga den he police e e ai ing, and ho hem hen and he e. He a ck m e b ha he a he police do o he o bo . Hi belo ed f iend . Af e ha , he ipped hi mo h and o ld no a one o d. No one o d mo e fo he ne o ea .
On Sa da , ha ame eek, he o bo e e b ied. We all fea ed fo M oli i ho, b nigh , h a hed abo and c eamed in hi leep ince ha epi ode. B da , he a a alking ombie; en abo ide-e ed, a ing in o no he e and ne e aid a o d. S a ed, no a ea o of ho e ddenl eno mo acan e e . No a ea . Co ld a child ha age g ie e? Wha e e ho e o nd he made ha da of he f ne al? So nd ha came f om deep do n hi h oa ? Wh , no ea ? Wh , e all a ked, had he child no aid a o d ince? In he da befo e he f ne al, e ai ed. In he mid of all ha g ief, he ailing and he ea ing (fo he e e e no a fe ho aid big o d of e ible ange again he boe a a hole and he go e nmen in pa ic la ), no and hen o mind e e p lled back o M oli i, ho had opped alking. S opped, once he d i ne ed he child en of he o d hi mo h had e ed. Then he da of he f ne al a i ed. Sho ld he o ho ld he no be aken o he g a e i e? The e e hi f iend , ome aid. The efo e, he ho ld go o he g a e a d and a goodb e o hem. If he doe n ge o bid hem fa e ell, he ill hink he i being p ni hed and blame him elf fo e e af e fo ha happened, aid o he . No, aid ho e di ec l oppo ed o he la e ie . Tha e ac l ha ill make him belie e he i being p ni hed; aking him he e. Spa e he child hi m ch, oiced e ano he g o p. He i oo o ng o g a p he meaning of all he e e en . M oli i o ld no be lef behind. Cl ching m hand a ho gh he o e e elded, one-faced, ide-e ed, he a h o gh he en i e e ice. While ea eamed do n he cheek of man , M oli i e e had become o deep, bone-d ell on he plane ha a hi face; d a he Namib, hi cheek . Fo da , hen eek , e ai ed fo him o come back. Re n f om he e e he had gone. Clea l , he a no i h . Had no been ince ha da ho e o bo e e killed. We ai ed. A hole mon h en b . S ill, no a o d f om he child mo h? Had he pe manen l lo hi po e of peech? Mama ook him o o k i h he . He emplo e a a e o cef l lad ; al a came h o gh a ime of e . Al o, he and Mama had kno n each o he all he e ea . Madam a e m ake him o he child en ho pi al, in Rondebo ch Ea , Mama came back a ing. He mlungu oman had phoned he doc o he e and e e e o ake M oli i o he ho pi al he follo ing eek.
I d a ked Kha a o come and ee me o e he eekend. The hokkie had a leak oof. One Sa da , he came i h hi da gh e , Nob l mko. M oli i eemed happ eno gh o ha e Nob l mko all o him elf hile hi Mal me a on he oof. Befo e hi ilence, he d enjo ed pla ing i h he a ell a i h o he child en hi age. And al ho gh he a e en mon h olde , he appea ed he olde of he o. He b llied and ook ad an age of he poo hing ill, mo e of en han no , I had o ep in. I held m b ea h. Wo ld he a ome hing o he ? Wo ld he o d e n o hi mo h? B al ho gh he pla ed, hi co in giggling endle l a ome an ic o he fanc , I co ldn a , M oli i a ed bbo nl d mb h o gho he af e noon. A he Red C o Child en Ho pi al he doc o and n e and ocial o ke e e kindne i elf. We en he e e e al ime . B i h all hei kind hea and he man cle e hing he made M oli i do, he co ld no b ing o d back o hi mo h. The co ld no plan ha he police had co ched a a b hei iolen ac ion . The looked in o hi h oa , in o hi ea , p hi no il . The made him d a : comple e half-d a n pic e , ll o ke ch o line and make p comple el ne pic e . The made him imi a e he o nd of animal , dome ic and ild; a ch child en lm and a ho of o he hing be ide . Wh , one doc o e en had him p o leep . . . alked o him hile he bo a fa a leep. Ho e e , in leep o a ake, M oli i ill aid no hing o he doc o . Finall , he h e hei hand p and old M oli i a ick. A ho gh e didn kno ha . B , he aid, he a n ick in hi bod b ick in ide. Wha in ide? Hi mind? No, no hi mind, hi hea . He needed ime, he o ld ge ell one da . We ho ldn p h him a all. Igno e hi no alking. J go on a ho gh no hing e e ami . In ime, he o ld el heal. Well, ha a ome hing ne . The child had been ilen fo mon h . Wha ime did he need? Ho man ea ? No p h him? No p h M oli i? A child ho d made p hi o n mind befo e he a bo n? Decided he o ld be bo n?
I a i e a plea an p i e o ee Nono. She had gone back o chool and a oo b i h he die o be a f e en i i o . Tho gh I ho ld op b , he aid, nding me i ing a po of mphokoqo. Wha a e o b ning he e? Smell d eadf l! he aid. When I old he ha I a cooking he had he g ace o add: Oh, ha ! Di c l o e cape b ning, i n i ? Af e all ha , he an ed ome. Then he a ked abo M oli i, ho a a he f on ho e, he ho e a ho e back ga den o hokkie ood. He all igh , I aid. E cep he ill no peak. He become a m ch good a a bab in ha e pec . Doe he hea ? a ked Nono, e plaining, When o alk o him, doe he appea o nde and ha o e a ing? Oh, he e no p oblem a all a fa a ha conce ned. He nde and , all igh . Will do ha o a k of him, an ime. I aid, going o he doo . M oli i! I called o . Bo bo ! Whe e a e o ? The back doo of he f on ho e opened and he e he a , anding, hi hand on he doo handle. Come o e he e, he e omeone o ee o ! A ha , he epped o , clo ing he doo behind him. Then, af e e e al en a i e ep , he opped and looked a me, a e ion in ho e elo en e e ha , no ha he d opped peaking, eemed o ha e aken o e he f nc ion. I Nob l mko Mama! Hi e e li p and a h ge g in pain ed i elf all o e hi face. He o ld be di appoin ed. Nono had no b o gh he child along. B he a n . She had b o gh ome hing ha ook he ing of hi co in ab ence a a . A o ca leek and long and gleaming black. She o nd i fo him, p i on he linole m oo and, p ing, i ig- agged i a he eon, banging and clanging again he leg of chai a i en along. M oli i clapped hi hand in glee, h e him elf on he oo , hand da ing fo a d o g ab he e a ic ca . And al ho gh he coa ed and p o oked and apped and in man , man a ied o ick him in o e ing a o d, o llable, ome di ce nible emblance of h man peech, a c app oaching i , M oli i did e e hing e cep e ha o d o c o pa of a o d. In he end, no do b e ha ed b he pace h o gh hich he p him, he fell a leep. Ca igh l cl ched in hi ed hand. Fo a hile af e I d p him o bed, e alked abo him. Finall , ho e e , e fell o alking abo o he hing . Abo . The e e e e o had been . . . hen a i ? Ho long ago had i been? Tha la chool ea ? 1972! aid Nono. Bo ! I aid, ha a a e ible ea , all igh . So man of had o lea e chool. Th ee gi l . Poo Ribba! Tha a o ad. Mind o , a he ime I ho gh he a he l ck one. L ck ? I co ldn belie e m ea . The gi l had died d ing o a a e l of a bo ched, back- ee abo ion. Do o emembe he e ible ange e faced? Ye , I kno i o nd pid no , b he e e e da I i hed I e e dead, I can ell o ha . I eem o emo e no , doe n i ? O people a , Th nde mble and oa b hen pa e a a ! and ho e a e e e o d , indeed. All ho e memo ie came ooding back. Wha a he ab ol e o , fo o ? I a ked. Oh, he fea of di co e , . And hen, he hame once ha had happened. The hame and he en e of ha ing le one pa en do n ho ibl , i e ocabl . She pa ed and, e eb o ai ed, looked a me. And o ? Wha a he mo di c l , fo o ? Well, I aid, memo again pl nging me back all ho e ea . Remembe no , hing e e ligh l di e en , fo me. I kno . We bo h kne ha he kno ledge, he fac , of m p egnanc had come a a o al hock, a bomb hell o me. I had no a all kno n I a p egnan . Wha i mo e, a he ime, I a a i gin. Tho e e e e di c l ime . . . ha d ime , Nono aid. Yo can a ha again!
China fa he (fo al ho gh he had li le o do i h no ha e had mo ed a a f om hi i e ho e, m pa en had fel i a onl igh o ell China people of he bo a ic ion) came p i h he idea e ake M oli i o ee a sangoma. Si hole mon h had gone b , and ill M oli i had no egained hi peech. I ag eed o he gge ion. I a de pe a e eno gh o an hing. The oman m fa he -in-la ook o a abo m age. She a o one of he oom , made i on he oo , o hoe o . No hing n al in ha , all acco ding o c om. O came he goa - kin. Sp ead i on he oo befo e he . B in ead of he bone I e pec ed he o h o on i , he bone ha o ld ell he ho e e e and ha e d come o he abo , I hea d he call fo omeone o b ing he a e . Wa e ? Wha i he going o do i h a e ? Wa h ? Make d ink i ? Ano he oman, m ch olde han o sangoma, b o gh a clea gla of a e , ga e i o he sangoma and lef . She p he gla on he goa - kin. Looked a , a he h ee of , one a a ime. He e e in en , lo , delibe a e. Then, gen l , he laid he hand on he mo h of he gla , like a co e , b no i e clo ing i . Ne , he clo ed he e e . And onl hen did he lo l lo e he hand ill i e ed ml on he gla . The a e in he gla changed colo . Righ befo e m nbelie ing e e . M oli i ga ped. I ned m head o him in p i e. Tha a he nea e hing o a o d he d e ed in mo e han o ea f ll. Again, m e e ned o he oman. No , he a e a o king i elf p a ho gh, in ano he min e, i o ld come o boil. B no, in ead, he agi a ion led o foaming and ha pilled o e , eeping f om benea h he sangoma’s palm n il i eached he goa kin and e led all a o nd he em of he gla . When he a e nall calmed do n, he opened he e e . And, lo l nodding he head a he gla , he made lo , g n ing o nd befo e he ned ho e pie cing e e f ll eng h on o he child. Yebo, ngane yami! Ye , m child, in Z l , he aid. A one in a ance, e e foc ed olel on M oli i a ho gh he e e he onl pe on in he oom i h he , oice oa ing, of and ee ie, di embodied e en, he en on: Fo ho lde o ende , o fa f om f ll fo med, g ea i he eigh o bea . Yo hold o elf and o a e held . . . he pa ed befo e a ing he o d . . . e pon ible . She aid he o d i h a igh, a ho gh he e e a j dge ending a o ng pe on, a o ende , o he gallo . Sending him he e beca e of ome e ible and o e helming e idence he da ed di ega d onl a he o n pe il. Then he ned o . Wh he a h in he e e ? I ecoiled beca e ho e e e , no na o ed, e e ed mo e on me han m fa he -in-la . And o of hem hone boiling ange and . . . a i pi ? Mama, he aid, he oice once mo e he o n. Yo m f ee hi o on. I aid I didn nde and. Yo kno ha I m alking abo . Go home. Think abo o child. Child en a e e en i i e. The kno hen e ha e hem. Af e a mall pa e he hook he head. Pe hap , I e a o d oo ong . . . b , e en men can be o e han ha e. I a m n o ga p. M hole being ned o ice. Tea p icked m e e . I fel m fa he -in-la e e on me and ned mine hi a . Hi b o a ga he ed, hi e e ide i h na ked e ion . B he sangoma a n done. B o come back o h o ha e come o ee me, he b oke o locked e e , hi child ha een g ea e il in hi ho li le life. He need all he lo e and nde anding he can ge . She ga e medicine oo and po de , i h in c ion a o ho o e hich. We paid and lef . An nea ilence be een , be een China fa he and m elf. Wha a M oli i hinking? Ho m ch of ha he sangoma had aid had made en e o him? Will o le me kno , Moloka ana, of ha e e p og e he bo make ? I aid I o ld and e pa ed. A fe eek af e he i i o he sangoma, Nono and I e e in he ki chen pa of m one- oom pondok, p epa ing a meal hile Kha a omped a o nd i h he o child en. So? aid Nono making bed oom e e a me. So, ha ? When a e o gi ing M o, he e, a bab i e ? Yo e a one o a k me ha , I aid. Whe e Nob l mko b o he ? A ha , he p hed he mm o , hooked he h mb nde he ho lde band of he pinafo e d e and ai ed he b o o he doek, a led la he high p, idening he hi e of he e e ill i ho ed bl e. She e agge a ed he po of he mo h ill i e embled Donald D ck beak. I ee, I aid. Tha e plained ome hing he had aid ea lie . . . ha he and m b o he e e ge ing ma ied. I had onde ed ho he o e of pa en had ag eed o he ma iage. Well, m ca e a ligh l di e en , no , a n i ? Won ha be a li le di c l fo me? Wh ? Ha e o een China, la el ? We bo h b o la ghing. Af e a d , ome ho la e , hen I d fo go en abo hi li le cha , Nono aid, Se io l , ho gh, i been . . . ha ? o e a ea ince China en mi ing? O e o ea . And. . .? And ha ? We m nd omeone, fo o ? Who aid I need o help? I he e omeone I ho ld kno abo ? I don kno abo kno ing abo him . . . Tha had been a bla an lie. Wha i he ma e i h o , Mandi a? I a ked m elf. Who a e o a ing i fo ? China? D o ill an him? A e o ai ing fo him? O , i i o good name o e o ied abo ? Yo i gini , pe hap ? D o hink o ll e e be ha again? I ha ha i bo he ing o ? Wha o e ing o eclaim . . . ha o e e chea ed o of? Tha i hen he o d of he sangoma hi me. In all he ea of being a mo he , I had held on o m ha ing become one in pi e of ingen p eca ion. M i gini a en no b a lo e o h band, e en. No, b b m on. Thi fac , an acciden , m people called i , had al a e me apa . . . a lea in m o n mind. I, nlike he like of Nono o e en Ribba, had no been a loo e o ng oman. Onl no , he in e e of he e a ion hi me. Whe e I had of en hea d i men ioned ha a oman ill al a ha e a ende po fo he man o hom he ga e he i gini , ho co ld I feel ha a o a d m on? Indeed, ho of en had I no onde ed he he m feeling o a d him o ld ha e been di e en had hi coming been o he i e? When he c ied, ome ime in ead of feeling o fo him, I fel o fo m elf. A ho gh he had le ea on fo hi ea han I fo hi being on hi ea h. Did I ha e m on? S op i ! S op i ! S op i ! Ho co ld o ha e him? S el , o kno f ll ell ha a no in en ional. Bo bo ne e e o o in o . He j happened. Wh , he a n e en he e . . . no e Bo bo o Michael o M oli i o Hl melo.
Al ho gh he a no e ho ing, a fe eek af e o i i o he sangoma, Nono and Kha a go ma ied. Nob l mko a he o e gi l and M oli i, he ing bea e . I ed he sangoma’s oo and he b fai hf ll , b M oli i had ill no eco e ed he po e of peech. Mo e han a ea ince I la hea d hi oice. A he edding, I me L ngile. No m ch o look a b , co ld he man alk! Sho , a , hea - e ho lde , neck almo no he e. A hick head of hai . La ge fo ehead. And a no e ha made me hink of he map of Af ica. Lip , hick and p ed a ho gh he hid ome hing in hi mo h. Th o gho he ce emon , he kep b mping in o me ill I a ha he enco n e e e delibe a e on hi pa . M hea a ed po nding. Oh, Mandi a, Nono a igh . Ho can o be e ci ed b a hing like ha ? Look a him, ho a he pa h o he faggo j o ide he h . On m a home, la e ha nigh , he e he a . He had ob io l been l ing in ai . Ma I alk o home? I m no af aid. I an o alk o o . Can i ai ill omo o ? Then I emembe ed Nono o d once again. And he sangoma. Ho long o ld I keep m life o nin e e ing? Le go, hen, I aid hen he made no mo e o le me pa . He picked p M oli i and e alked back o m hokkie i h he bo in hi a m . The igh of m child eeming o con en , head olidl again hi man che , did ome hing o me. We pen ha nigh oge he . And nine mon h la e , L nga a bo n. L ngile, hi fa he , had become a pe manen e in m home al ho gh I had made i i e clea , ha nigh , ha I a no looking fo ma iage. See ha nail behind he doo ? I had aid, poin ing. Mmhh-mmhh? Tha fo o jacke , each ime o come he e. And hen o lea e, I an o o ake i i h o . L ngile a f n. Af e he ini ial e i ance, M oli i ado ed him. L ngile a pa ien i h him, al a ing o g e o ha i a he o ld a , e e he o alk. Ne e ge ing fed p o h ing him o gi ing p hen he didn ge ha e e he child an ed o con e in hi ne o dle a . Soon af e L ngile en e ed o life, he o o ld of en lea e me a home and go o he hop o o gb game oge he . The en g oce hopping in Cla emon oge he . And e en hen L ngile f iend came o e , a ome ime he did, he o ld cha a a i h he bo i ing on hi lap, li ening, if no a ing a o d. Ho e e , e en o, M oli i and I ill ha ed ha I came o ee a O p i a e momen . Befo e he opped alking, he liked hi pe ing in m ea hen he didn an o he ea hea ing ha he a elling me. Thi a ed hen he a ill on he b ea and people, e peciall m mo he , o ld a he a oo old o be ckled. When he an ed hi d ink, he o ld hi pe in m ea and g and p ll ill I follo ed him a a f om p ing e e . The habi pe i ed pa ha age and af e he opped alking, he ga e me o he ign i h hich o in e p e ha he i hed o a . So, o hi pe ing a ed on, if changed. Then L nga, he bab , came. Fo a hile, he hi pe ing opped. I didn no ice hi a . In fac , I onl emembe ed ha i a o follo ing la e e en . When he bab a abo h ee mon h old, M oli i began o e hi bed. Thi child ho a d and o of napkin b hi bi hda , e hi bed. I colded, I hamed, I idic led all o no a ail. L ngile came p i h mice. The idea, ha i . Folklo e ha i ha making he bed- e e ea mice ill c e him. B , e old M oli i ha if he e hi bed one mo e ime, e e e going o ca ch a mo e, oa i on he open e, and make him ea i . Wi h e e bod , all hi f iend , a ching. Hi e e g e la ge and o nd. We fel e had ca ed him eno gh. Lo and behold, if he ame acid ench did no g ee o no il he e ne mo ning. Tha eekend, L ngile made good hi h ea . And all he ime M oli i choked and gagged and nall allo ed he bi e d chopped he oa ed mo e in o, hi e e a ed of en o hi o nge b o he a ho gh o a : h me alone? Wha abo him? S e eno gh, he bed a d he ne mo ning. B hen, e en a e e e c o ing i h plea e a he cce of o plan, mo e a ai ed . ‘Uph’ owam utata?’ O of he bl e, m on a ked, Whe e i m o n fa he ? I co ld ha dl belie e m ea . The di h in m hand d opped o he oo hile, mo h agape, I a ed. Then, Wha did o a ? I a ked. ‘Uph’ owam utata?’ Again, M oli i aid. Clea a clea can be. I had no been mi aken. He ho had no aid one o d in almo o ea , had poken. S ch a m jo ha I lo igh of he meaning of he o d he d e ed. Ye , ha i M oli i. He kep ilen fo nea l o ea . And hen he did peak again, i a o a k me a e ion o hich I had no an e . To hich I did no kno he an e . ‘Uph’ owam utata? Whe e i m o n fa he ? B i i no ha he aid ha gna he pi of m omach e e ingle da . No, i i no ha he aid ha da b ha he did no a . . . he e ion he did no a k . . . ha ne e a ked, ha ha a ed in m mind. S a ed in m mind, f om hen and f om long befo e o hi e da . Ye , i did. Tha e ion he a ked onl ha one ime . . . a ked i ice, i hin a min e. Ne e a ked i again. In ead, he e came a oop o he ho lde and hi ddenl -old- man hooded look f igh ened me mo e han I can a . Whe e i m o n fa he ? Whe e i m o n fa he ? Ye he bed- e ing opped oon he eaf e . B hen, he e i he e ible g il I feel he ca ie . M amo and Za i. B he ne e a a o d abo hem. Tho e f iend of hi ea l childhood. Poo child en. Died like dog . Sho b he police. Nobod blamed M oli i, he a j a bab hen. Nobod blamed him a all. Toda , o can kill M oli i befo e he ill ell on ano he . Hi o n in , he ill eadil confe . No ano he , no. He o ld oone lie han do ha , e en ake he blame him elf. B he ne e ell on omeone el e, no e en hi b o he o i e . Ne e . E en i h hi hing of he Yo ng Lion and he necklacing. Al ho gh he i e ac i e in he b ine of he com ade , him elf a den o long in high chool, he ha denied o e and o e again ha he ha had an hing o do i h necklacing. When D ad a and I poin ed o , one da , ha i a den ho en abo killing people in hi e ible manne , M oli i aid, No me! Ye , he aid, ome of hi f iend e e in ol ed. B I am no m de e . Wha do ho e f iend of hi ell hei o n pa en ? A amaXho a a , ityal’ alingomafutha, alithanjiswa, g il i no c eam i h hich one anoin one elf. O he hing happened and ime pa ed and chee e ned o M oli i face. H g and ki e , oo, e ned. And o did o hi pe . M oli i, ho o ldn ni h a ba of chocola e o o he ee i ho in i ing I ake a bi e. To hi e da , of m h ee child en, he i he mo demon a i e. Ho e e , i o ie me ha all he e ea ince, he ha no once a ked fo ho e o bo ho ed o ake him e e he e i h hem. When he eco e ed hi peech, he did no a k: Whe e i M amo? o , Whe e i Za i? No once ince ha da long ago hen he a all of fo ha he a ked fo ei he bo . Man man ime ha e I a ked m elf h he ha ne e done ha . Wh ? I i a ho gh he ne e kne hem . . . ne e called hei name . . . ne e c ied fo hem no o lea e him behind . . . ne e once oke p in he middle of he nigh c ing o fo hei compan . Befo e he d aid ho e e ible o d : Nab’ewodrophini. A ome ng a ded momen , ho e e , I ha e een he kno ledge in hi o nded e e . I ha e een he ea ing kno ledge. When he a ed alking, M oli i had a fe mon h lef befo e he had o a chool. Ho e e , once he did, i a a ho gh he po e of peech had ne e lef him. In chool, hi p og e b o gh o f i ion he ea lie p omi e. In a iabl , M oli i a op of hi cla . The onl p oblem, in p ima chool, came he da he a gi en co po al p ni hmen beca e he had no paid hi chool fee . He a in anda d e hen. The caning p e him o m ch he ef ed o go o chool. I cajoled, and pleaded and p omi ed him hing I had no b ine p omi ing him. In he end, ho gh, he ag eed o go back. A fe mon h la e , ho e e , L ngile kipped he bo de , o go and ain a a f eedom gh e . Once mo e, I a alone. Di e ence a , no I had o child en. I a no long af e hi ha I di co e ed ha M oli i had lef chool. I came back f om o k one F ida , o nd a b o n en elope on m bed. In ide, o c i p en - and no e . Whe e did hi come f om? I a ked, ning he en elope o e . And he e, in la ge black le e hand- i en, a M oli i name. A ell a he name of he compan ha had paid him. He had go ick and i ed of being caned fo no hing b hi eache , he old me. He didn ha e all he book he an ed him o ha e. Mo eo e , ome of he one e had bo gh a he beginning of he ea had been olen. Be ide , aid m on, i h Ta a gone, I can ee ho o gh hing ha e become fo o , Mama. Long and ha d did I alk o him ha nigh , e plaining ha he a oo o ng o o k. I o ld manage. I o ld lea e m dome ic o ke job and a a b ine o ake cha in ead of he one ead job i h one mlungu oman. He had o a in chool, I made him ee. We e he o lea e chool befo e ni hing high chool, he o ld be o fo he e of hi life. He o ld be pa of he ho and pon ho and of o ng people ho oam he o n hip ee aimle l da and nigh . Tha i ho M oli i a ed long eno gh in chool o become a high chool den . Unfo na el , i i in ha high chool ha e io p oblem a ed. M oli i go him elf in ol ed in poli ic . Bo co and ike and a -a a and ha ha e o ? Soon, he a a leade in den poli ic and man ho didn kno hi face kne hi name. The e child en en a o nd he o n hip c eaming a he op of hei oice : LIBERATION NOW, EDUCATION LATER! and ONE SETTLER, ONE BULLET! And he mo e in ol ed in poli ic he go , he le e a him he e a home. I no had h ee child en, i h he a i al of he gi l, Si i e. I had ma ied Si i e fa he , D ad a, a home bod . The kind of man ha , in m o nge da , e ed o la gh a and call imurhu o a skom van ver! de pi ing him fo hi being ne in o n, hi being n chooled in he de io a of ban li ing. Ho e e , i h e pe ience, i a e ac l ha pe of man I an ed in m life. The al of he ea h olid, eadfa , p edic able a he mo emen of he n. Migh be o e ca ome ime , oo ho a o he , b al a he e a he e ime. The e, doing ha i ha al a done, ha i a mean o do f om ime immemo ial. Ho e e , he ha de e ied o b ing M oli i clo e home, he ha de he an. B hen, a ho and, ho and o he den hi age e e doing e ac l ha he a doing. He e, in G g le , a ell a all o e he co n . And in pi e of all hi poli ic , o- h ee eek ago I co ld ha dl alk an he e in he hole of Sec ion 3 i ho being opped b people ho e mo h had no o he o d o a be ide inging M oli i p ai e . To e e one, he a a he o. People I didn kno f om a ba of oap opped me. Yo ng and old, he opped me on he ee o ell me: Mo he of M oli i, o child i eall a child o be p o d of. In hi da and age, hen child en do e e hing b ha i decen . We eall hank he Lo d fo o . Ye , e eall hank Him beca e of he on He ha gi en o ! Thi M oli i! He can make one o p o d ome ime . Appa en l , he d gone o he hop o e a NY 110 he p e io e ening o ge D ad a ome f i . He a gone a long ime, a e long ime. Of co e e colded him hen he e en all e ned. I a no ill he ne mo ning ha e go o kno he ea on fo hi dela . Befo e e, he ne mo ning, he e a a knock a he doo . A man and a oman alked in. Bo h ange . Befo e e d e en hea d ho he e e, he began p a ing and hanking God and M oli i and , hi pa en . When he d go clo e o he hop , onlooke a e old M oli i ome hing a afoo behind he b ilding. C io , he a ked one of hem ha a happening. Some bo e d agged a gi l o e he e, he man old him. B he gi l a no c eaming, he aid. The efo e, no one ho gh o in e ene. Beca e he gi l a no c eaming. Thank o M oli i, he gi l had e caped ce ain ape. And ho kno ha he o ld ha e done o he af e ha ? he mo he a ked. Thi bo of o ha a good hea , he gi l fa he aid. Una hamed ea an do n hi cheek . The an ed o gi e M oli i mone , b D ad a fel ha a ong. M oli i had onl done ha an bod o ld ha e done. No, he gi l mo he aid ie l . The e e e man people he e. Looking. Some e e e en la ghing. None opped he c ime, none. Un il o on a i ed on he cene.
B no , ome of ho e ame people look a me a if I am he one ho killed o da gh e . O e p e l old M oli i o go and kill he . 9 6 am - Th da 26 A g
A he depa e of he police, a ho of e ion a ailed : Wh o ld he police ha e come and aided o ho e a ch an ngodl ho ? Wha did he an f om M oli i? Whe e a he? Wh had he no come home all nigh ? Wha did he neighbo hink of he commo ion? Then, a ho gh he e ible e ion e e no n e ling eno gh, ho on hei heel an a m of an e came ooding in o a a e of p cho ic pa al i . All a once e kne e e hing. We had all he an e . The kno ledge pl nged in o de pai , fo e e hing e kne a bad . . . o o e. Of co e, he police had no old a hing. Wh o ld he ell h he e e looking fo o on? When ha e he G g le Police been kno n fo being ea onable, o a no hing of poli e? Co eo ? HA! Don make me la gh. We e e ill o ing o el e i h o ne -fo nd kno ledge, no end o he in igh , gge ion , p opo al and g e e g hing o of o mo h hen, ea l a he ho a , o e conce ned neighbo de cended pon . He , Mmel ane, Skonana e e e e fai l popping o of hei ocke . Wha i hi lawaai, in he middle of he nigh ? A o , no do b , a , eplied D ad a a l , he police paid a i i . Oh? Ye , he aid c l . Skonana ook a ep back. Said he e e looking fo hi bo , M oli i. And befo e he co ld a one o d mo e, D ad a added, And no ha o kno a m ch a e do, ma e and p o el e oge he i ho f he in e p ion? We e had eno gh of ha fo one da , o ldn o ag ee? I kno hen I m no needed, in a h , Skonana o med o . B no befo e he had ng back, o e he ho lde , I onl came beca e I ho gh I ho ld le o kno ha people on he ee a e a ing! Don pa him an mind! Sukumhoya! I ho ed a he e ea ing g e. B I didn ge a m ch a a epl . Skonana did no hal o fal e in he ep. She did no look back. He back i a ho gh a ched, he j kep on alking ill he eached he doo , opened i , and clo ed i e e o gen l , o of l , o kne he a aking e a ca e o be ci il, making i clea he o ld no oop o o le el. I ned on D ad a, Yo didn ha e o be ha c de. Yo neighbo can be ing, ome ime , he e o ed. An a , ha doe he an ? Co ldn he ai , gi e ome ime . . . God! he police ha en e en go o he police a ion e ! Wha did he mean b ha ? B ha ? a ked D ad a c o l . Wha people a e a ing? Go and a k he , if o eall an o li en o go ip. Tha h me p. Tha m h band fo o . B he piece abo Yo neighbo anno ed me. A i h he child en, if an of o f iend o neighbo anno D ad a, he ill immedia el dona e ha pe on o me. Yo child and Yo f iend o Yo neighbo . Hi nca ing back inc ea ed m anno ance. The e no hing mo e i i a ing han aking o ence hen he pe on ho i he o ce of ha i obli io of o ange . Righ no , D ad a a b going abo hi b ine , hile I f med. She i o neighbo oo, I h e a him a I lef he bed oom, he e he e change had aken place. I had o ee o he child en. D ad a did no ake me on. And m mind ned on he one child fo hom, a ha momen , m e a m ached. Whe e a he? Whe e a M oli i? Wha had happened o him? And ha did he police an him fo ? Thank God, L nga c and b i e ned o o be pe cial, mo e gl han deadl : a c lip, a loo e oo h, a b mp on he fo ehead b ning ed and bl e e en a I looked, and ha p omi ed o be a king- i ed hine in a co ple of ho . The impo an hing, ho e e , a ha e all eali ed ha , no bone b oken, he o ld i e. Mean hile, Si i e, hom he police had ha dl o ched, a a eck. D ad a ook one look a he and op ed fo he ea ie a k of ending o L nga, al ho gh he him elf po ed a na b i e on he lo e igh a m, a li le abo e he elbo . M ha e go i hen he d fended o a blo aimed a hi head. J a I a ge ing m elf ead o ee o Si i e, he e came a knock, accompanied b : Vula, ndim! Open p, i me! Me, ho? a ked D ad a in a oice hick i h i i a ion. And i o o n ho e on e ha o ho ld go abo aking people p f om hei leep? A e o a leep? came he if e pon e. F om he oice, he oman a gen inel a led. The oice al o helped me iden if he calle , ano he of o neighbo , Q a i. D ad a opened he doo o admi he , bandaged leg and all, I didn hink o o ld be, he hee ed a he alked in. In he ea l i ie , ea of ha d oil had lef he a legac a ne o k of a ico e ein o p ono nced he leg looked liked he nk of ancien ee , i ed and gna led oo choking he life o of hem. The ein e e pe pe all on he b ink of b ing, hence he bandage . Chain moking and hea d inking ha dl imp o ed he i a ion. Q a i, a e amicable oman, confe ed o being diabe ic and a hma ic. We all pec ed he a alcoholic a ell. Mo he of Si i e! M Si e , ha i hi commo ion o ea l in he da ? B befo e e had an e ed he , he a led on. Nibanjelwa ntoni, ngenj’ ixukuxa? Wha a e o being a e ed fo , a dog- a h- ee h ime? If D ad a had been ab p i h Skonana, he a do n igh de o Q a i and en he packing in le ime han i ake o a Ho Do Yo Do! The poo oman ha dl go an an e o he e ion. Al ho gh I didn nece a il ag ee i h D ad a ha h manne of dealing i h o meddle ome neighbo , none hele , I had o ag ee ha hi me hod a e ec i e. We ce ainl had eno gh on o hand i h M oli i ab ence . . . and hi being o gh b he police. I alked o he doo i h he and aid, Come back la e in he mo ning, Q a i. We ha e o aigh en e e hing no , a o can ee. I ee, he aid, lea ing me anding a he doo , holding he doo open ill he en o of he ga e. I e ned o he b ine a hand, ending o he o child en and p ing he ho e in o de again . . . ha e e co ld be igh ed, ho e hing no b oken be ond epai , ha i . In he ki chen, D ad a a eeing o L nga. Si i e a in he dining- oom, and ha i he e I headed. E e big and o nd, p hed o a ho e of a adpole in a d ing di ch, Si i e a ed on he oo , igh in he co ne of he oom f he f om he doo and on he in ide all, he one adjacen o ha of he main bed oom. Elbo o knee , he c o ched and f om deep do n he h oa came hi panick cooing of a f igh ened do e. No lif ing p a d ill. J a deep d ll g o l, a embl igh, lled i h blind de pai . On and on and on he e ible a l, ho lde hea ing ho ibl . B no ea came f om ho e g o e el p o ding e e . Ga he ing he in m a m , I helped he p and, half-d agging, half-ca ing he , ook he o m bed oom, he e he opped on o he bed. Shaking he b he ho lde , I ied o em he ha n ed, ea le c . Ho e e , he o ld nei he op no an e m call. Si i e! Si i e! d o hea me? No an e came f om he . She j la he e on he bed, hi e ing. Al ho gh he oom a fa f om cold, I ook a hea ha l and co e ed he i h i and en o he ki chen, he e I made he a ong c p of black ea. She ook he ea, piping ho a i a , and g lped i do n in one go, a ho gh he ea e e ice cold o he h oa e e be ond calding, no hing li ing ha co ld b n. Af e ha , he a p and, hinking he a abo o a ome hing, I ai ed. Wa ched he clo el and ai ed. B he j en on a ing, nblinking, ie a ho gh he had lo he ong e. A fe min e la e , he opped back on o he bed, la e ched f ll o , and clo ed he e e . Whe he o no he a a leep, I co ldn a . I p m hand again he fo ehead. No fe e he e. Relief. Ye , I co ldn b ing m elf o go . . . o lea e he alone. In ead, I ood he e a ching o e he a ho gh he e e a bab onl ho old. Fo a hile, he o ed, ned and m mbled, f l in he leep, if leep i e e. Soon, ho e e , he b ea hing began o ea e, he m cle ela ed. Sa i ed he a a leep a la , of l , ca ef ll , I c ep o of he oom. B lef he doo aja . Mama! The hoa e c hipped me o nd. I ook peech a a f om m h oa . I looked a he . Wh had he c ied o ? And h like ha . . . in ha one of oice? S ch hea ine of hea in ha c . A of one in da ke de pai . Wha ? Wha i i ? I ba ked o . Oh, Mama! No , long fa ea g hed o and galloped do n he cheek , cha ing each o he o he chin. Si i e, ha i he ma e ? I elled, ge ing no an e . M an ie le el a hoo ing p. Wh had he child called me? Wha a o bling he ? She hook he head. Then, a ho gh he hand e e ag , he c bbed he face i h hem; ing he one and hen he o he . A ho gh he had become a a ed and had o be eplaced. I ai ed. Q i e a a lo a o ha I co ld do. Finall , he poke. The police . . . M oli i a he e . . . he . . . he . . . hen, he opped; clo ed he e e and opped alking. While he ea g hed do n and all o e he face. Again I ai ed. Held m b ea h ill . . . co ldn b ea he. A ho gh doing ha migh f igh en he e ho gh a a . I held m elf p igh b he onge of ill . STAND! I old m elf, no a ing one o d, ilen l , I old m elf o ai , o be pa ien , o li en o ha he child had o a . Indeed, af e a hile, again he con in ed. He came he e, befo e Mama e ned. Came hing in, en o hi hokkie, and hen lef . I hink he en o he hokkie o hide ome hing. Wha ? I don kno , Mama. Wh ? Si i e a ilen . Who a i h him? Wa he alone? Like a h e , ome hing came o e Si i e face . . . o e he e e . No , o he e e in ano he face looked a me. She had no mo ed. Had no e en changed he manne of he i ing. B i a ano he gi l ho no looked a me. Cage a a fo . Sen ing he dden el c ance, he n illingne o go on i h he con e a ion, I ho gh I migh be clo e o ome impo an cl e. Who a i h him, Si i e? I coa ed. Mama, I don kno . I no iced ha he ea had d ied p. I aid no hing. Silen l ega ded he . S eadil . Fo a long min e e emained h locked in each o he ga e; nei he of a ing a o d. A la , he b oke he nea ilence. Well, I can a . I a n he e. I kne hen I o ld ge no hing mo e f om he . I a lef o onde ha i a he had a ed o ell me . . . ome hing ha , ob io l , made he e ncomfo able . . . o , ca ed. I decided o lea e ell alone fo he ime being. Tha i no o a he ma e e ed he e. Si i e o d lef a hollo feeling a he pi of m omach. Ho e e , mo e han ha he had aid, i a ha cage look ha had h e ed he e e ha pl nged me aigh o Hade .
F om he ki chen, D ad a called o he a ge ing ead o lea e. I lef Si i e in o bed. In he bed oom, e p L nga, ho e bed oom, he hokkie, a a comple e i e-o . He a in he ki chen i h hi fa he . Mama, ake me p a eigh , he aid, befo e going in. Wh , he e a e o going? To chool. School? Wha co ld he be hinking of? School? In hi condi ion? Ha e o een ha o look like? L nga me el nodded and ambled o a d he bed oom. Yo ho ld li en o me, ome ime , I ho ed af e he eceding g e. He didn e en pa e in hi h e o he li le bed oom, he e hi i e all lep . Yo e in no a e o go an he e, a fa a I m conce ned! I aid. Ye , Ma! he aid ie l and clo ed he doo . D ad a had p ome c eam on hi b i e, af e a hing i . Bo h child en had been aken ca e of. E e one a ne no , I a . E e one, e cep M oli i, of co e. B igh no , I a hinking onl of he h ee people ho had been he e hen he police came. S ddenl , all he fea and ange I d kep in check ince ho e men had come and oken elled p and mingled i h hi ne fea of ha Si i e had almo old me. O ha I fea ed, and ef ed o accep , he had been ing o ell me. The hole m e d ained m e bone and o e m hea o h ed . I opped on o one of he chai mi ac lo l ill p igh in he dining- oom, p m head do n on he able and fel he ea I d pp e ed ill hen a h m face and fall on he i a m benea h i . A hand, ligh a do n, fell on m ho lde . I going o be all igh , m h band hi pe ed of l . Plea e, don c , e e hing ill be all igh . . . j o ai and ee. A li le hile la e , he hand on m back lif ed. Foo ep . Uncha ac e i icall of and ie foo ep . Mo ing a a . Going in he di ec ion of he ki chen. Soon, came noi e ha old me D ad a a ge ing ead o go o o k.
Will o be all igh ? a hile la e , D ad a a ked, haking me ligh l b he ho lde . I ied o peel m e e open. B he lid ef ed o coope a e. The la he f ed igh . The fel a ho gh omeone had ealed hem i h cemen and i had d ied, gl eing hem fo e e . Tha i ed? Well, I nodded in he di ec ion of he oice and, i h alian e o , p ied a fe of he la he apa . The e i ha . Thinl , ag el , I a hi b o hoo p in e ion. I hink I m a a home. In ca e . . . No i a m ong e ha a le ha gic. O a i ha i fo nd ha I an ed o a . . . ha I had o a . . . oo hea a hing o a ? In ca e he come home. In a g h, i h a migh e o , I p hed he o d o . Wha make o hink he ill do ha ? I don kno . . . b . . . He didn le me ni h. Wha if he doe n ? M e e popped ide open hen. Wha did he mean? Wha did he mean? M oli i al a come home, I e o ed i h a con ic ion ha a fa de e ing me. I co ld no deciphe he look m h band ga e me. If he doe n come b l nch ime, I m going o go looking fo him. The o d e e o of m mo h e en befo e he e e in m mind. The e o of m mo h, hocking me mo e han he p i ed D ad a. I hink o e a ing o ime, if o a k me, he pa ed, cocked hi ea a ho gh li ening fo ome hing. Then, In an e en , he police a e e o ge o him befo e o . And he i n going o come back he e . . . he e e he i , he m kno , b no , ha he e looking fo him. Wh ? I j mped a him. Did he kno ome hing I didn kno ? ome hing he a keeping a a f om me? Wh , ha ? Wh a e he looking fo him? I ed D ad a. He i one of e fe people I kno , ho ha e no g ile. Yo a k me? Hi b o ho p, cha ing he hai line. Yo a k me? again, he aid. Ho long ha e I old o ha hi child ill b ing hea o ble one da beca e of hi long foo of hi ? I aid no hing. Wha co ld I a ? An hing I aid o ld j i i a e him mo e. I kno m h band. Fo a momen e looked a each o he he, i h one b o ai ed in e . Well, he co ld ai a long a he liked fo he an e o ha e ion, b he e a n ge ing he an e f om me. Al o, I aid, h gging m ho lde , le me ee ho he o he o a e doing. The e c e o nded lame o m o n ea . The look m h band ga e me old me ha he a h o gh he lie. No, don o o elf abo me and m pid e ion , he aid. In an e en , I e go o be on m a , oon. Again he a all b ne , all he hile m mbling and g mbling o him elf. Don a I ne e old o o, hi on of o . . . one shushu da , o ma k m o d , one shushu da , ai and ee . . . he ill come he e d agging ch a ho n b h of a candal, o on kno ha o do i h o elf o he e o hide o e e . 10 The e i kno ledge i h hich I a bo n o hich I ac i ed a ch an ea l age i i a ho gh i a he e he momen I came o kno m elf . . . o kno ha I a . We cked i f om o mo he b ea , a he e lea ; inhaled i f om he e ai , fo mo . Long befo e I en o chool I kne hen Ta a had had a ha d da a o k. He o ld g mble, Tho e dog I o k fo ! and f abo , and ake long ig f om he bo le. Mama o n a el i h bo e of en came on he da hen Ta a go paid. Fo ome ea on, he di a i fac ion i h Ta a condi ion of emplo men eemed o deepen on F ida . I emembe hen, one F ida , he e ploded: ‘Sesilamba nje, beb’ umhlaba wethu abelungu! We ha e come h o h nge , fo hi e people ole o land. And, i h a di dainf l ick of i , h e he en elope do n on he oo . La e , I a o hea ho e o d i h g o ing f e enc . Whi e people ole o land. The ole o he d . We ha e no ca le oda , and he people ho came he e i ho an ha e o ld of fa m , o e o ing i h fa e ca le. I ne e a ked Mama ha he mean b ho e o d . Be ide , ho a k he mo he ha he mean hen, poin ing a he o nd ello e e of he bl e k , he eache , Ilanga! S n! ? Then Ta omkh l , Ta a a a, came o a i h af e Makh l pa ed a a . L ck me, ha he cho e o come o hi elde on. Ta omkh l , mall e e in a mall lean o nd face, al a had a mile. B one da , oon af e he came o , he a ked me ha I had lea ned a chool. Jan an Riebeeck and hi h ee hip and ho he came o b ild a half- a a ion a he Cape of S o m and called i he Cape of Good Hope! A al, I a ho ing o , gi ing mo e info ma ion han a ic l e i ed. Ta omkh l mile lef hi face. Cape of S o m ! Cape of S o m ! he ha mphed. Go and change o clo he and ge ome hing o ea , Mzukulwana, he aid. Then come o e he e and Ta omkh l ill ell o he h of ha happened. Cape of Good Hope, indeed. I did a I a old, onde ing a Ta omkh l di plea e. M lea ning a all a o ce of p ai e, no co n. P led, I h ied and changed in o m da d e , g abbed a lice of b ead and a gla of ginge bee , g lped he lo do n and en o . Rin e he di he o e ni hed ing, Mama eminded me a I lef he ho e. A fa a I co ld, i ho making he make me do hem o e , I a hed he c p and ide pla e and p hem a a . I c ep o of he ho e and en o he back ga den, he e Ta omkh l a on a ooden b nk be ide m b o he hokkie, nning him elf. Tha a he beginning of man le on I lea n , i ing a hi knee. Wha did he mean, he Cape of S o m ? he a ked. Beca e he ea a of en o gh and b oke hei hip . Wh hen, did he change he name o Cape of Good Hope? Did he ea op killing hem? The eache had no alked of he ea in connec ion i h he enaming of he Cape. Ta omkh l a me he i a e. He aid: Beca e he ea a no longe a impo an o hem. The had decided o a he e. The e e no longe a elling in hei hip . Af e ha , he en on, hi oice of and fa -a a , a ho gh he e e alking o man people, ho e ea e e lled i h no hing el e e cep he o nd of hi oice. Long, long ago, he began, in he ime of o ance o , hen abelungu came o hi co n , he called hi he place of o m . The called i ha beca e he g ea bl e i e i ho end a e p hei hip . Tha a mo e han h ee h nd ed ea ago. And he chief mlungu man ho came i h hi g o p, one called Va co da Gama, cho e o call i ha . The place of o m . Did he no kno ha he bigge o m a he o m he hem el e b o gh ? The came o nd food and a e . Then he liked he food o m ch he a ed. The fo nd people al ead he e. B ha did no op hem f om a ing. And, ha ing a ed, f om aking he land f om he people he had fo nd he e. Ye , M k l ana, he ighed, he bigge o m i ill he e. I i in o hea he hea of he people of hi land. Fo , le me ell o ome hing, deep n he oo of ha ed he e. Deep. Deep. Deep. He a ilen , he eaf e . Silen fo a long min e and o I en ed: Wh , Ta omkh l ? Wh i he e ha ed in he hea of he people? B he o ldn a . Onl pa ed me on he head. Told me o go and pla i h m f iend befo e Mama fo nd me ome hing o do o he n en home o leep.
Do o emembe ha I old o he o he da , M k l ana? ano he da , he a ked. Ewe, Ta omkh l , I an e ed. Ha e o eache a gh o an hing abo Nong a e? Ewe, he ha e, Ta omkh l . And ha did he a ? She a a fal e p ophe ho old people o kill all hei ca le and he o ld ge ne ca le on he hi d da . And did he people do ha ? Ewe, Ta omkh l . Wh ? Beca e he e e pe i io and igno an . Ta omkh l hook hi head, p lled long and ong on hi pipe. The e lia , o eache , he aid. B , ha can one e pec ? Af e all, he a e paid b he ame boe go e nmen . . . he ame people ho ole o land. He ga e me a long look befo e a ing, M k l ana, li en o me. Li en and emembe ha o ha e hea d, hi da . Then, in he oice of an imbongi of he people, he eci ed:
Deep n he oo of ha ed he e So deep, a ca le- o hipping na ion killed all i p ecio he d . Tille , b ned fe ile eld , f ll o ed, bea ing ich p omi e oo. Reade of Na e Sign , allo ed hem el e fallacio belief. In ed noon e e olling back o he ea fo leep. An hing. An hing, o id hem el e of he e n an ed ange . No ac i ce oo g ea , o a h a a he c e. Tha deep, deep, deep, an he ha ed hen. In he nea l o cen ie ince, he ha ed ha b m l iplied. The ha ed ha b m l iplied.
He opped. Looked a me, a mile pla ing a o nd hi lip , inkling hi e e . M k l ana, he aid, ma k m o d . The o m e alked abo he o he da ? Abo he Cape of S o m ? I nodded m con ma ion. Well, he con in ed. The o m in he hea of a pe on i mo e dange o han ho ling ind and aging a e . Yo can n f om ho e and eek hel e el e he e, pe hap e cape hem al oge he . Ho doe one n a a f om he hea , one o n o ha of ano he ? UmXho a o pa i h hi ca le, i no mall ma e , Ta omkhl l aid. No mall ma e , emembe ha ! And, old a I am, ho e o d of m g andfa he Ma h anana ing f e h in m ea . Hi o d on he ma e of mXho a and hi ca le. G andfa he , hi bone long hi e nde he g een blanke of he mo e ene leep, aid o me, ha da , a e long ime ago: Child of he child of m child, a co o an o i no i e. When one i h ng , he e i co n in he eld o enyangweni, amasi in he go d, iinkobe in he po , amarhewu engqayini. Ca le a e no fo food, ome hing i h hich o ickle one ee h a ligh e him. If mea o m ha e, he e a e chicken , pig , goa and heep, b in h co o o i no pla ing hing. B hen, Ta omkh l , I aid, h do e keep ca le, a all? Onl o gi e o el e o k, he ding hem? Ta omkh l la ghed, a deep g o l of a la gh ha came f om deep do n hi eno mo , embl bell . Ah, M k l ana, he ch ckled, he idge of hi bell jiggling p and do n. Wha e ion o a k. Then, appea ing a ho gh he e e deep in ho gh o ab en minded, he lo l ed m hai and aid: Yo a e co ec in ha o a , he miled. I i no ea o k o look af e one he d. Remembe ho gh, M k l ana, emembe , co gi e milk. F om hem, oo, e ge d ng i h hich o mea he oo of o h . We al o e he hide f om he e ame bea o keep a m and make implemen and ado nmen i h hei ho n . A he aid hi , i h hi one hand, he ned he bangle on he i of he oppo i e a m. Again he miled. And hen, bending do n and ing m hai , he con in ed, Wo ldn o ag ee hen ha ca le pa fo hei keep? Oh, e , Ta omkh l , I eplied. Ye , I ppo e he do, I aid, mo e o di pel he do b ha o ldn lea e me han con ince him of hi h. S ppo e? he ho ed, b he e a he gen le mile on hi kindl face. Well, he con in ed, le me gi e o mo e ea on h I a ca le a e impo an in o li e . The e a e ea on mo e impo an han he milk, he d ng, o he hide e ge f om ca le. And he e he a e, M k l ana: Fi , e keep ca le fo a man o o e lobola o hi in-la , ho in n, hlinzeka him he blood coming o hi famil f om hi in ended a ign, a bond cemen ing he nion; e pa homage o o chief , appla ding hei i e deci ion and good go e nance; e bid fa e ell o o e e ed depa ed and g ee and emembe he ance o ho p o ec ; and, in ime of a , e gi e ca le o o enemie in e change fo ho e nfo na e ic im aken b he o he ide. Ca le a e al o ed a umlandu fo he e ice of he heale . Ta omkh l a beaming, e e pa kling i h la gh e . Q i e a load he e, o ill ag ee. Q i e a load ha ca le ca in he life of amaXho a, he aid. Imagine hen if he hole na ion e , af e m ch deba e, angling and e bal ma ica ion ag eed o la gh e all i ca le. Ag eed o ch an abomina ion. Ho deep he e en men o ha e p ed hem o ch e ible ac i ce. Ho deep he abomina ion, o igge ch a e pon e. UmXho a, again I ell o , doe no ligh l pa i h hi ca le. Ho e e , in 1857, he Xho a na ion killed all i ca le. No fo food. The e a no fea o ce emon . No ea on a all fo he la gh e of e en one bea . B all he he d in he na ion e e killed. The goal a o d i e abelungu o he ea, he e, o he ee had aid, he o ld all d o n. All, o he e , e la one. S ch noble ac i ce. B hen, he mo e e ible he abomina ion, he g ea e he ac i ce called fo . Tha i he imple la of ca e and e ec . And he b ned hei eld . A people ho li ed o he land, ho had no e fo he b on i ho a hole, ho plan ed d ing he plan ing ea on, diligen l ended hei eld hoeing and eeding a e ed he plan and ha e ed hem hen he ime a ipe. The b ned hei eld . People i h izisele high eno gh fo a f ll g o n man o and p igh , o ha o co ldn ee e en a blade of hai f om hi head, b ned hei eld . Wha o ld he feed ho e la ge, h ng izisele no ? Whence o ld he co n, p mpkin, bean and o he ege able o be o ed come f om? B he ame call o kill hei ca le had al o ged hem o b n do n hei h i ing eld . B n hem o he g o nd. Ra e e e hing. Ra ed o he g o nd. No a mp lef anding. Wi h nei he ca le no ha e , ne e ha ing handled he b on i ho a hole, ha o ld he do no ? Ho o ld he li e? Ho o ld he i e? Whe e o ld he go? Ho e e he o li e . . . o ain hem el e ? Ta omkh l ook a ip f om he go d of amarhewu Mama had come and p befo e him. He e, he aid, and lo e ed he go d fo me o d ink. I g lped do n ome amarhewu and en back o he e I had been i ing on he ba e g o nd i h m fee cked nde me. He ook ano he ig and hen con in ed: On he appoin ed da , no hing n o a d happened. No hing n al. No hing o of he o dina . The n o e in he ea . Tha had been e pec ed. People ai ed. The ai ed ill i eached he eni h, high noon, hen i lef no hado on he g o nd. E e nblinking, he looked a he n. Did i mo e fo a d? No! Ye ! Ma be! Fo a fe , e long min e , he co ldn ell. The en on hoping, ho gh. Thei e li e depended on he e e al of hing , he na al o de ned p ide do n. Soon, oon, agicall oon, he e co ld be no do b ho e e . The n a p og e ing a befo e, con in ing on i p eo dained pa h, going fo a d, fo a d, and fo e e fo a d. A i had done fo a million million ea . The ign be a ed. Da ed he hope ill? The n en and died in he e . Wha of he p omi e? Wha of he p ophec ? The ign be a ed, da ed he hope ill?
The sun will rise in the east, as usual. It will go up and up and up till it reaches the highest point in the sky. Then, instead of going west, it will turn back, turn back and go and set in the east. The sun will set in the east! Then, with the rising of the new sun, all the things that had been killed and burned would rise again. New corn, cobs tall and big as the thighs of a maiden; fruit and vegetable — fresh, rm, juicy and sweet — fruit and vegetable known and new to these lands; cattle — pure breeds: black- sheened, reds, ne imf a, iinco cows in calf, bulls lowing and strong, bullocks proud, muscles rippling as they, slowly, unhurriedly, moved . . . cattle, sheep, goats, and all other animals of the home, animals useful to folk . . . all these would rise from the ground. Yes, like plants, they would rise from the ground. As it was in the beginning. As it was when Qamata rst made all the land and everything in it. As it was Embo, before the people wanted to see Qamata with their own, nothing, naked eyes. The very ones Qamata had given them to see. Things would be as good and unspoiled as they had been Embo, in the very beginning. Tho e e e no ca abo in di e de pe a ion. Whe e e e all he e hing ? The people of Embo looked . . . illing he p omi ed mi acle in o being. And ha a no all ha had been p omi ed hem. No, ha a no all he a ai ed . . . no all he hoped fo in e n fo hei e ible ac i ce. Tha a no he mi acle fo hich he People of Embo had ac i ced hei all. Af e all, Qama a good ea h a no i ho ild fo l and bea , no i ho ild he b and oo . Ri e oa ed galloping do nhill, kipped ch ckling o e bo lde , meande ed h o gh leep eld of amazimba, befo e going o di appea among ange people, illage and illage a a . Remembe no , he bigge mi acle, he mo he ea on fo he hole indaba, a he p omi e of a e n o he a of befo e, hen he people i h hai like he ilken h ead of co n o ld be no mo e:
A great whirlwind will rise and drive all abelungu to the sea . . . where they will all drown.
Wo ld ha happen? Co ld i happen e en ho gh no one of he o he hing p omi ed had happened? Co ld i happen? The people looked. Whe e, hen, a he ign? Whe e, he in ima ion he p ophec o ld be f l lled? The people ai ed. Bile in hei mo h . An ie g inding hei in e ine . The ai ed. When no one of he mi acle appea ed, he onde ed. Thei e e la ge i h app ehen ion, he onde ed. Wonde ed, ill hoping. Fo , i i a a ob ee nk he d o ning man cl che ? Again, e e o mo h a he go d. Af e ha , hi ime, Ta omkh l aid hi oice o ld go nle he ki ed hi pipe. Take ano he ip! he aid. I did hen ai ed a he d e a fe mo e p , ble moke in o he ai and, e e clo ed, ighed in a i fac ion. The n e in he e , he began af e he ho b eak. The co ched g o nd emained o nded and black. No a ne blade of g a peeped. No g ea ind o e o d i e abelungu o he ea. No ha da . No he ne . No fo all he da ha he people ai ed. Mean hile, abelungu emained bbo nl ali e and ell, hei mine g eedil h ng fo he ong hand and a m of o ng men. In a fe da , he ench o e f om o ing co p e of ca le killed in hei ho and . Soon he eaf e , he ench a of people d ing. Old and o ng. Men and omen. Child en oo. People d ing in hei h nd ed of ho and . Like a eld e, he e ible ne a elled. The l e had hea d of he g ea deba e befo e he la gh e of he ca le and he b ning of he eld . No , he d ing of he people of Embo b o gh hem o he illage , Si Geo ge G e leading he pack. The came. B inging gif of food o he a ing, d ing people. B inging a golden oppo ni ne e o a e again. To he mine , o he mine , ha en! ha en and be a ed. Ne e ill o h nge again. Ne e . Fo o long, Ta omkhl l aid, he illage had e i ed he en icemen . Come o he mine ! Come and ge paid mone , he b on i ho a hole. The b on i ho a hole ill make o a e happ people. B , long ago, N ikane, he Xho a See , had a ned he na ion of he coming of he people i h hai a he ilken h ead of co n. The ill b ing o he Good Vol me and he b on i ho a hole. Take he ol me! Take he ol me! B be a e he b on i ho a hole! Do no ake he b on i ho a hole! Do no ake i ! Do no ake i ! Take he ol me b no he b on i ho a hole! The efo e, M k l ana, a he ime of he killing of he ca le, amaXho a ill did no ha e he h nge fo he b on i ho a hole. Among hem ha h nge a ill o all nkno n. The had no need fo he hing he b on i ho a hole co ld ge fo one.
Hayi, ilishwa! Amabhulu, azizinja! One e le , one b lle ! B he ma ch ick, e hall f ee o na ion! Oh, he oad ha been long, indeed. The ong came m ch, m ch la e , I can ell o ha . Befo e he ong , man o he ied o id o na ion of he one i ho colo , ho had come f om ac o he g ea ea. Makana, he Lef -Handed, p ophe ied o come imila o Nong a e . Hi magic o ld n he b lle of he g n of abelungu o a e . A I andl ana, i h pea and hield, Ce a o impi defea ed he migh B i i h a m and i g n . B lhoek, in Q een o n, i ano he e ample of e i ance I can ci e. Clo e o o h nd ed people m de ed. Thei in? The an ed back hei land and ook po e ion of i , claiming i a hei o n. When he o ldn mo e, e en b fo ce, b lle e e nlea hed on hem.. B i a all o no a ail. All o no a ail. To hi e da , abelungu a e ill he e i h , M k l ana. The mo eno ned lia ha no aid he a e abo o di appea . Ta omkh l a a f nd of fac ha , al ho gh eemingl di e en , made a hole lo of en e of ome of he hing e lea ned a chool. He e plained ha had eemed pid deci ion , and ac ha had eemed indefen ible became no onl nde andable b highl hono able.
1 m Th da 26 A g
A f om a deep l mbe , I d edged m elf p. Fog in m head, hick and hea , made me el c an o i e o he poin he e I o ld open m e e . Wh a I o loa h o face he da ? A hea ock a in he pi of m omach. Mama, o a e a ake? Si i e a anding a he doo leading f om ki chen o dining- oom. She looked ne. Wh did hi p i e me? Wh a I p i ed he looked ne? Vag el , m mind g appled i h he p le. Ho a e o ? The mell of f ied egg hi me. J hen, m omach g o led, eminding me i badl needed a en ion. Behind Si i e, ong a he of nligh ooded he ki chen and ello ed he ink, c pboa d, all and linole m. The ki chen and e e hing in i miled nnil . I oke p, Si i e eplied. B he e a no mile on he face looking a me. And ddenl , i all came back. The ho o of la nigh . . . ell, ea l hi mo ning. M e e e open and I a j abo o a k ho he b o he e e hen, a ho gh he had ead m ho gh , he aid: He ha no come back. She didn ha e o a hich b o he he a alking abo . And L nga? I a ked. I he ill a leep? Ho i he? Mama, L nga ha been gone fo ho no . B ha ime i i ? One o clock. H ng a I a , all m appe i e ddenl lef me. Ei he eeing o en ing m di e , Si i e ickl added: Some bo came o ee him and al ho gh I old hem he a no ell, he in i ed on alking o him. The o ldn go a a . Who e e ho e bo ? People e kno ? Ye , Mama. She a ie fo a min e hen added, The came b ca . Si i e looked a me a he impa ed hi a ling piece of ne . M mind eeled. L nga didn ha e an f iend ho had ca . We had no ca . O f iend had no ca . We didn kno an one ho o ned a ca . B , eeing he a ge ing no e pon e f om me, he con in ed: I hea d one of hem . . . I don kno hi name b he goe o Langa High School . . . I hea d him a ome hing abo Bh i M oli i. Tha ga e me back m oice. And he o d . A once ale , I a ked, The e e alking abo M oli i? Ye , Mama. Wha abo him? Did he a an hing abo hi he eabo ? No, Mama, he eplied, hen opped and looked a me a ho gh ddenl a a lo a o ho o p oceed, ho o ell me ome npala able in elligence. I emembe ed he alk e d had ea lie ha mo ning, af e he police had lef . Wha i i ? Again, he e a ha look. Wh a he being ec e i e? So, I a ked: Wha i i ? Wha he ma e , Si i e? An edge I had no in i ed had in eigled i elf in o m oice. Mama, I don kno , he began, he i a ed . . . he e e fell o he fee befo e he con in ed. I hink . . ., he aid, hen opped and a ed again. I eem a ho gh i ome hing o do i h ha happened o he hi e gi l e e da , he e ed in a h. The oom p n. I did a c a jigge mamma oll. Cl ching a he a m of he chai nea me, I lo e ed m elf on o i comfo ing, accommoda ing lap. Slo l , ca ef ll , m bod gone all li id, I a ched m elf po i on o he chai . A g ea igh e caped f om ome he e i hin ha of , jelli ed bod I co ldn feel. I ighed, fo he hea bea ing painf ll again m ib demanded elief. The one ho a killed? I co ldn belie e I d a ked ha . Wh a ha he hing ha came o m mind, I onde ed. When had I a ed hinking M oli i ab ence migh be linked o ho e o ble ? Ye , Mama, Si i e aid ie l . She aid ha and lef he oom.
I fo ced m elf o ea ome hing pa l o a no o di appoin Si i e and pa l beca e I eali ed ha he he I an ed o o no I had o ea , I needed he eng h food o ld gi e me. I had o ake eng h f om ea ing, a e a . We had ha dl ni hed o la e b eakfa hen a ca opped o ide, igh in f on of o ga e. I j mped o m fee hinking, ha no ? Then emembe ing he ca ha had come fo L nga, I ela ed. Pe hap , he bo e e b inging him back. And pe hap , M oli i o ld be i h all of hem. M hea a ed po nding a ha ho gh . I en o he indo o ge a clea look a he ca , a ho go o of i . A man I didn kno go o of he ca . Who i i ? Si i e a ked. I don kno . J hen, I a ha he o e he dog-colla ha mini e ea . B he i a mfundisi, I added. A ha , Si i e bo nded f om he e he a and came o and igh ne o me a he indo . Oh, he hi pe ed, fo he man had gone h o gh he ga e and a e en hen alking p he oep, app oaching he f on doo . Who i i ? D o kno him? The e a genc I didn in end in m oice. B he man a al ead knocking a he doo . Come in! I aid. I Mfundisi Mananga of he Anglican Ch ch, in NY 2. Molweni, aph’ ekhaya! The Re e end Mini e g ee ing a in a chee oice. I onde ed ha had b o gh him o m h mble ho e. We e e ce ainl no membe of hi ock. Ma iage o D ad a, a a nch Me hodi , had mean ha I lef he Anglican Ch ch, nde hich I g e p. Af e he in od c ion , Re e end Mananga, in a oice decibel oo high, e ao dina il lo d, a ho gh he e e peaking f om he p lpi o delibe a el an ed people o doo a a o hea ha e e e alking abo , aid: Aphi la makhwenkwe alapha? When I old him ha bo h bo e e a chool, he hook hi head, e claimed ha i a a pi he e e no home beca e he had e good ne fo he olde bo . I i M oli i N loko, i i no ? Ye , Mfundisi, I eplied, M oli i i m elde . Well, Mfundisi en on, he bo and hi f iend had been o ee him he p e io da . Looking fo ome he e o hold hei mee ing. And no , he aid i h a o i h, I e fo nd a place fo hem. Tell M oli i o come o he Mi ion a oon a po ible! Thank o , Mfundisi, hank o ! I aid, ing e ha d o keep c io i and con e na ion o of m oice, aking ca e ha ha oice emained calm and na al a can be. And ha a no a ea a i o nd . Fo all he hile, a he ga e hi peech, he Mf ndi i a b c ibbling ome hing on a piece of pape he had hed o of hi pocke , ne o l looking abo him all he ime a ho gh he e pec ed omeone o ome hing o j mp him f om one of he oom . Cea ele l , hi neck i elled hi a and ha , o a ing a ho gh i had a mind all i o n. He a ea ing p of el h ge bead of ea po ed do n hi emple . S aigh ening him elf p, he pa ed me he no e, nodded and inked a , alo d, he aid: Tell hi bo , M oli i, ha I ill be home all af e noon. He m come and ee me. Tell him he can come an ime. And a ho gh an e ing o ome hing I had aid, he en on, Ye ! Ye , pe hap i i al ead la e fo oda . Hi inde nge aigh p, he p o hi lip , a ge e ha I be ilen ? o , no di lge a ec e ? I nodded. Wi h an an e ing nod, lo and delibe a e, con e ing mpa h a I nde ood, he mini e depa ed, lea ing me a p led and agi a ed a e e . On hi no e he had i en: THATH’ ITAXI, EYA EKHAYELITSHA, WEHLE KWISTOP SOKUGQIBELA. TAKE A TAXI TO KHAYELITSHA, AND GET OFF AT THE LAST STOP. Wi h peed I o ld no ha e imagined a in me a all j a li le ea lie , I idied m elf p and lef . M hea a ed inging fo I a con inced hi man a going o lead me o m on. B , a I ai ed fo he a i, I obe ed a li le. He had no aid he a aking me o M oli i, I had a med ha . B hen, he e o ld he be aking me? I a ked m elf. And he had alked abo M oli i, hadn he? The ho of da being ha i a , he a i e e lo in coming. Ho e e , again beca e i a no o ke ime, hen he a i o Kha eli ha e en all came, i a no f ll and hen I go in I e en fo nd a ea . The a i had gone pa o op hen a gi l I d een a he op, and hom I d ba el paid a en ion o, mo ed f om he e he a i ing, a fe ea behind me and came o and igh ne o me. E en hen I ba el looked a he , aking i he a ge ing ead o ge o and ag el onde ing he he he co ld no ha e alked he di ance, a e had been on he oad b a fe min e . Indeed, e e e ill in G g le Sec ion T o. M mind a o lled i h e ion ha , had he no d opped he book he a eading, I do b I o ld ha e no iced he gi l a all. I looked p hen he book h dded igh ne o m foo . Righ hen, he ben do n o pick i p. A c a ch on m foo , j belo he ankle, be een he ankle and he hoe, p i ed me. I looked do n hen. The gi l p hed ome hing on o m lap and immedia el , i ho once looking a me, mo ed a a . I co ld feel a deep f o n plea ing m b o a I nfolded he li le bi of pape , olled in o a igh li le oll ill i a pencil hin. I looked. YEHLA KWISTOP ESILANDELA ESI NDEHLA KUSO MNA. GET OFF THE NEXT STOP FOLLOWING THE ONE WHERE I GET OFF. I looked p. No , he gi l a looking a me a ho gh he had ne e een me befo e. Which, of co e, a e. T e, b onl o a ce ain e en . We e e linked no , e e e no ? Had he no p hi m e io me age a m lap? Who a he? Again, m ga e e do n o he le e and back he a . Wi h he ba e picion of a ge e, a lo , e e o lo , na o ing of he e e , he indica ed he e a o be no f he comm nica ion be een . Again, I looked a he no e in m hand. And a ome hing I had no een befo e. The no e a in he ame, he e ame hand i ing a he one he mfundisi had gi en me. B hen, he had i en ha one igh he e befo e m e e . In ol n a il , m e e again e o he m e io gi l. The no e a I , I a hinking. Wa I he gi l? Common en e aid e , ha a he ca e. B , e en o, I kne in ho e hand he le e had been i en. J hen, m ho gh ab p l opped a m hea fai e o of m mo h. The gi l a ge ing o he a i. Panicked, I c ambled o m fee . Thi a he la op in G g le , he a i a headed fo N anga af e hi . Wa n I ppo ed o ge o he e? La op? Wai ! I ho ed, fo he a he onl one ge ing o a ha op and he a i had beg n o mo e. Wai , I m ge ing o !. Wake Up! elled he a i d i e , M a i i no place o leep! he aid, b inging he a i o a c eeching hal and p o oking g mble and complain f om pa enge h o n f om hei ea b he ab p , nce emonio b aking. I . . . I m o . . . o.. o .. .. , I amme ed, eali ing m e o . The no e aid o ge o he op af e he gi l . Wha a I hinking, ge ing o he ame op a he ? I a he no e ha had men ioned la op . . . and ha la op a in Kha eli ha. The a i a ill a e ed f om mo ion. All e e e e no on me. Again I m mbled m apologie . Conf ed and e ed, I co ldn b ing m elf o look a he d i e o he pa enge . In ead, I looked a m fee . Gea g inding in p o e , he a i ook o . I l ched o he ide and nea l landed on a ho , bea ded man i ing on one of he o ide ea . So , I ga ped, a he ga e me a na , nam ed look of fed- pne . Well, co ldn he ee I a no holding on o an hing? Did he hink I j cho e o ing m elf on op of hi lap? I e ned he look i h ha I hoped a one na ie ill and lo l a n e ed o a d he doo . Righ hen, an nplea an ho gh came o m mind. I eali ed I had he n elcome a k of a king he d i e o p me o a he ne op. M ong e eighed a on. Ne op! an i i a ed oice elled f om he back. Thankf ll , I edged m a o he f on . Then, hile ai ing fo he a i o a i e a m op, I h e m e e o he o ce of he command, onde ing ho el e a ge ing o a m op. B no one a anding e . Tha old me e e e ome a e f om he ne op. When he a i nall a i ed a m op, I a he one o of ha a i. T o o he pa enge go o af e me. Bo h men, bo h elde l . The oice ha had ho ed Ne op had been a oman . Yo ng. A gi l oice. Wha had happened o he o ne of ha oice? I a ked m elf. Fo ome ea on, hi bo he ed me. Mandi a, a o nded, I old m elf he e ne min e, o e becoming picio . If o e no ca ef l o ll begin pec ing o hado i follo ing o and a ach a ini e ea on o ha . Ob io l , I no a clea l , ha had happened a ha one of he old men ge ing o had a ked fo help. Ei he no ing hi o n oice o ca a fa a he d i e ea o fo ha e e o he ea on, he had a ked omeone el e o ale he d i e of hi in en ion of ge ing o he a i. A o ng oman, pe hap i ing ne o one o bo h of he e gen lemen, helped in ha li le a . Wha a o ong i h ha ? Seeing ho l dic o m ea lie picion had been, I hook m head in e a pe a ion. Wha had I go m elf in o? Wh hi m e ? Whe e a hi mfundisi aking me? I aid mfundisi beca e I a con inced he a he a ho of bo h le e . No o people co ld fo m hei le e i h ch clo e imila i , I a con inced. Whe e a he ending me? And h he m e o he de in ? M immedia e p oblem, I no eali ed, a ha I had no idea he e I a going. Hadn he a ked me o go o he la a i op in Kha eli ha? Wha a I doing he e, fa a a f om ha op? Wh had I allo ed m elf o be led o he b ? The e a i e a di e ence be een he op in N anga and he la in Kha eli ha. And ho a he gi l ho had pa ed he no e I ill held in m hand? Which a did I go no ? A ho gh in an e o he e ion clamo ing in m mind igh hen, a ca opped and he indo came do n. I epped back f om he oad. Ndim, Mama kaMxolisi, I me, Mo he of M oli i! Relief a hed h o gh me. I a he mfundisi. Mfundisi Mananga him elf. In m a e of mind, ho e e , i ook me an in an befo e hi fac f ll egi e ed. Of co e, i did no help an ha he mf ndi i a in a ca di e en f om he one he d had ea lie hen he d come o m ho e. Wha a lo had happened in he ho ime ince hen. I i me, he aid, again, fo I had made no e pon e o hi g ee ing, o aid a o d ackno ledging him. Good af e noon, again, I aid, con inced he a going o chide me fo di obe ing hi o de . A ange hing happened, I ha ened o e plain. B , holding hi hand p, Mfundisi made me op. I all igh , he aid, miling b oadl . I m o I can gi e o a lif , b I m going in he oppo i e di ec ion o o . Oh? I aid. I co ldn , fo he life of me, hink of one in elligen hing o add, ho o go on. Wai he e, aid Mfundisi, adding o m conf ion. A oman d i ing a ed ca ill op and a k o fo di ec ion . The an e o m gi e he i , he pa ed, looked a me and, a ing he o d e lo l , con in ed, hi i ha o m a o he : I do no li e he eabo . Again he looked a me. Will o emembe ha ? Ye , Mfundisi, I eplied. I do no li e he eabo , I epea ed. He nodded hi a i fac ion. Fa , conf ion ned o ala m in m hea . Wha a hi game hi man a making me pla ? Whe e a m on? Wha did I do af e elling hi oman ho o ld be d i ing a ed ca I a no f om he eabo ? Wh had I no a ked Mfundisi, o and o , he he all hi going p and do n in a i a aking me o M oli i? Had he e en een him? Did he kno he e he a ? Wh had M oli i no e ned home la nigh ? B b no , I a alone a he op. Mfundisi Mananga had d i en o a oon a he d hea d me a m piece, epea he o d he had gi en me. Mama, a oice a oke me f om m e e ie. Can o ell me ho o ge o he ai po f om he e? The ai po , I a ked, he ai po ? Then I a ha he oman a king me he e ion a d i ing a ed ca . M hea l ched o painf ll ha m hand e o m che , holding i back. No, I aid. No, f an icall ing o ecall he e ac o d Mfundisi had gi en me. Oh? The e a a e ion o he e clama ion. In he en ie , he a e bea if l. And hen, I emembe ed. I am no f om he eabo , I h e in ha il . M palm e e clamm f om he e o of ing o emembe Mf ndi i e . M mind, no ha I d emembe ed he all-impo an o d , ook in hi o ng oman. Teache o n e, I a e. Ed ca ed, ha e e he a . She looked ed ca ed. Tha kin. Sof heen. Didn kno ha d hip. Cheek glo ing i h good heal h . . . and ea ing ell. Sof hand , no do b . Th en m ho gh . The back doo of he ca ie l opened. Ge in, Mama, a oice aid f om he in ide of he ca . Deep and g . De ni el no a oman oice. In an e en , he oman ho had a ked me fo di ec ion a looking a me, he lip ill a can be. I edged o a d he ca . Ge in, Mama, he oman added, miling, no do b am ed b m he i a ion. I go in. C o ched lo on he back ea , a a man in b igh hi e aining hoe and a black ack i . Hi face a almo comple el hidden in ide a black balacla a. A he ca oa ed a a , he aigh ened p, making oom fo me on he ea . I canno ell o ha i and n ha ca made. I began o onde he he hi oman, ho had no aid a o d af e aking o a g ea peed, kne he e he a aking me o ho I a . A la , he ca came o a op. Thi i he ho e, aid he man ne o me. Wha ho e? I a ked. Whe e e e e old o ake o , of co e. Finall , he oman i ing alone a he f on had poken. Oh, I aid, c ambling o . A oon a I clo ed he doo , he ca oomed o and a a . I looked a he ho e. O ange c ain a he f on indo . D a n. Wa he e an one in he e? I ook a deep b ea h and alked o a d he ga e, opened i , and alked p he ed, highl poli hed oep. I eached he doo and ai ed m hand o knock. Come in! aid a h ied oice and he doo ng ilen l in. S p i ed a he ead ecep ion, I made m fee ake me in ide ha ho e he e, I co ld clea l ee, I a e pec ed. The ho e he e I fea ed m on o ld be. Wh ? Wh a he in hiding? Wh he e, in hi ho e? Wha ho e a hi and ho e e he e people ho had b o gh me he e? All of hem, f om Mfundisi o he o ho had j d opped me o ? T o men e e anding nea he able in he cen e of he oom. The oman, ho had opened he doo , a ill holding i open. Yo came j a e e e lea ing, he aid. Plea e, ake a ea . She ho ed me o a da k-g een ofa nea he indo and again he all. Take a ea and ai . A ha he men nodded hei g ee ing and, i ho ano he o d, all h ee alked o , lea ing me alone. Tha I had been a ai ed a hi place a ob io o me. No one had a ked me ho I a o ha I an ed. I pe ched m elf on he ofa, i ing a he edge a ho gh I e pec ed o be anked o of he e a an min e. Ye , I d been e pec ed. B no I a alone in he ho e. Wha ne , I onde ed. Wo ld Mfundisi make ano he p i e appea ance? Indeed, I half e pec ed him o. M ea , I oon a , a li ening fo he p of a ca opping o ide and, a min e la e , hi hea g ee ing. Well, hi ime, I d be ead hen he came. The e e e a fe e ion I o ld de ni el like o add e o him. F ll half an ho I a he e. All alone. The e did no eem o be one mo e o l in ha ho e. Tha ill i a . No e en he o nd of a mo e c ing ac o he oo . I ai ed, he onl noi e in he place m o n ne o b ea hing and he d mming of m hea . I ai ed, m c io i g o ing, o a no hing of m an ie . I j mped hen I hea d he doo open. An in ide doo . Al ho gh no one had old me o, I had come o he concl ion I a alone in he ho e. B I d been mi aken. S ddenl he oom p n. I ook a deep b ea h, fo gh o ead m eeling en e . M oli i. Wea ing clo he I did no ecogni e. Clean, ho gh he looked a ho gh he co ld do i h a eek leep. A e o alone? Did o come alone? he a ked, ca ing an io glance hi a and ha . I no ed ha e had no e en e changed g ee ing e . Ye , I am alone. We looked a each o he , anding on oppo i e ide of he oom. The ne min e, he a in m a m . O , I in hi . Ha d o ell a ime , e peciall hen he g o hi all. The child en e p on o back , onl e e da . No , he e men and omen. All g o n. I don kno ho a ed c ing. B , befo e he ne o d e e aid be een o cheek , o clo e oge he , e i h ea of an nackno ledged o o I kne e e e in deep, deep o ble. I did no emembe he la ime I had een m on c ing. Wha i i ? I p hed him an a m leng h a a . I looked a him. Wh didn o come home, la nigh ? And ha i hi ? Wh a e he police looking fo o and h a e o man people aking all hi o ble o hide o ? Tea no po ing do n hi cheek , na hamed, np e ending ea , he looked a me. The e a immea able fea in ho e e e . M oli i, ha a e o hiding f om? Who a e o nning a a f om? The a I did i , Mama! E en hen, he f ll ho o did no egi e in m b ain. The a o did i ? Who a e he ? E e bod . E en he police. A dim bell, ome he e in he deep ece e of m mind, began o ing. The e ion I had a oided a king i ho kno ing ha I a doing o, came cha ging h o gh m lip . The a o did what? Wha a e o being acc ed of? Utyholwa ngantoni? Slo l , hal ingl , o came he o of he a a l on o da gh e . The e ible deed of he p e io da . And m on old me: Mama, belie e me, I a j one of a h nd ed people ho h e one a he ca . B , I aid, looking a him f ll in he face, Skonana o d lo d in m ea , a knife killed her. I hea d m elf a ho e o d . Wo d he had aid, oh, o long, long ago. Th nk! Fi iking ligh l c pped hand. Th nk! I hea d i ill. Fo a long, long min e, M oli i did no epl . So? Finall , i h a hea igh, he aid: E en ha , Mama, e en ha . . . , hen he opped. The e follo ed a longi h pa e I didn ha e he eng h o b idge, o in e p , befo e he con in ed, . . . man people abbed he . Again, I looked a him, m hea po nding o a ho and p a e in di e en di ec ion all a once. We e o one of hem? One of he man people ho abbed he gi l? Ho I p a ed, e en a I a ked he e ion, ho I p a ed ha he an e o ld be an ne i ocal NO. No, he had h o n one a he ca . And ha a he onl hing he d done. No he knife. He had no pl nged a knife in o he bod . No e en one of man , man kni e . B m on did no an e m poin ed e ion. E en af e I epea ed i , no once, no ice, b man , man ime . No an e den ing ha he ed a knife on he dead gi l came f om m on lip . I ai ed a long ime o ge ha an e , b i o ld no come. Af e ome ime, i h a hea hea , I kne I a no going o hea ha I o gen l , o de pe a el , o fe en l , p a ed I migh hea . Finall , I aid ha had o be aid. Did o do i ? A e o he one ho killed hi hi e gi l? I i o knife ha killed he ? A ha poin , I didn , fo he life of me, kno ha I an ed him o a . B m on o ld no an e . He me el looked a me i h ho e e e gla ed i h a fea o deep, o big, no e en hi lie co ld hide i f om me . . . co ld hide i f om him elf. I didn do i , Mama. I ea , I didn do i ! He a obbing. G ea , hea - enching ob ea ing a hi g . Wo dle l , I ga he ed him in m a m and l mped on o he ofa. And le him c him elf on and on ill he ob became d ga p a of one gh ing fo ai . Then, he eeping b ided. B hi ime, hi head e ing on m lap, he ki of m d e a opping e . Af e a long hile, I eali ed ha he d calmed a li le. Fo ha e e ea on, e e e no back on o fee , facing each o he , e e ea ching he o he . Wh ? I a ked. Q ie l . No emon a ion in m oice. No acc a ion. I a ked, impl beca e I did no nde and ho ome hing like hi co ld ha e happened. Ho he, M oli i, co ld be pa of ha ome hing . . . in ha e e manne , g ea o mall. Wh ? I aid I did no do i , Mama! hi oice high, an edge of ange had c ep in o i . Ange ? A me? Wha had I done? Then, h i e e bod poin ing a nge a o ? No an e . Again I a ked he ame e ion: Wh o ? Wh i i o , e e bod picking? Wh a e he all a ing o a e he pe on ho did hi e ible hing? Finall , af e I d epea ed he ame e ion (o a ia ion he eof) man ime o e , M oli i b o : I a no he onl one he e! D o eali e he i ne e going o come back? Dead, mean fo e e ? Do o ? Do o ? Do o ? No , I a he one obbing, h e ical. Mama, I a no he onl one he e! he ho ed. Tha onl inf ia ed me e en mo e. I a o ca ed. Fo him. Fo me. Fo all of hi b o he , hi i e , D ad a. I a o e i ed of ha he mo o o ld b ing. No , of co e, he ea lie i i of he police o o home made en e, ho ible en e. The e e looking fo . . . fo a . . . The ea lie e o e ned, onl ampli ed b he ne , he eali a ion ha m on o ld be a e ed. The police e e, e en no , looking fo a . . . fo him. He o ld be cha ged i h m de . M mind ef ed o hink be ond ha . I balked a e en aking a glimp e a ha migh lie be ond he ial. Oh, o fool, I c eamed, o all ndone. Don o ee ha o ha e done? Don o ee ha if o knife ha he blood, i doe n ma e if o abbed he in he h mb! Don o ee ha ? M oli i, don o ee ha ? Fo a pli econd, a jambo ee of feeling inf ed m hole being, o all ook o e . All feeling, no ho gh , no ho gh ha oe e . Wha a a e o nd m elf in. D if ing in a ea of ndi ec ed feeling, fea ppe mo . Then, e e e in each o he a m . Who a con oling hom? I o ld be l ing if I aid I kne . M on pa ed m back a ho gh I e e a bab he a h hing o leep. D ob acked . . . hich one of ? A h nd ed ea la e , e di en angled o el e . B ill, I held hi hand. Spen , I looked in o hi e e . He didn blink. I looked in o m on e e . And a pain and e o . 11 But now, my Sister-Mother, do I help him hide? Deliver him to the police? Get him a lawyer? Will that mean I do not feel your sorrow for your slain daughter? Am I your enemy? Are you mine? What wrong have I done you . . . or you me? She had so much to live for . . . Oh, that she had harboured but an ounce of fear! She had a tomorrow. Much to look forward to. Much yet to do, even though she had already accomplished much in her young days.
B , e e he e no ch place he e he came f om? Place he e he co ld ha e done good, helped he po e le , and igh ed ha a ong? And m on? Wha had he o li e fo ? A fo he e he oe ho la h o a m on oda , oice ai ed in indigna ion, a e he no he ame ho, onl e e da , e e f ll of p ai e fo him? Wa he no pa of he Yo ng Lion he glo i ed? Did he no do a he ho ed fo all o hea ? ONE SETTLER, ONE BULLET! AMABHULU AZIZINJA! WITH OUR MATCH BOXES, WE SHALL FREE OURSELVES! Tsaa-ah! Go fo i ! We e he dog on. Tsa-aah! I kno ha o do, go af e he a ge and g ab i b he h oa . The e i no dange o o el e . I i he dog e end o ha i a i k. I i he dog ha ake he i k, ha co ld ge h . O killed. O jailed.
Shame and ange ll me da and nigh . Shame a ha m on ha done. Ange a ha ha been done o him. I am ang a all he g o n- p ho made m on belie e he o ld be a he o, gh ing fo he na ion, e e he o do he hing he hea d hem ad oca e, he deed he p ai ed. If an one killed o da gh e , ome of he leade ho oda peak o d of con ola ion o o . . . ma k m o d . . . he , a el a m on, a e o da gh e m de e . And, in man a , he e g il ie han m on. The kne , o ho ld ha e kno n, be e . The e e ad l . The e e lea ned. The had ke o ea on.
Mother of the Slain, you whose heart is torn, know this: I have not slept since. Food turns to sawdust in my mouth. All joy has ed my house and my heart bleeds, it sorrows for you, for the pain into which you have been plunged. It is heavy and knows no rest. Other children throw stones at my children. They point indicting ngers at them. I am a leper in my community.
B , e en a he e oice of conce n a e ai ed, calling fo ha e ha e no had in he o n hip fo ea and ea and ea , he ame ind ha go ged donga in m on o l a e ill blo ing . . . blo ing e e ong. The e a e h ee- and fo - ea -old a ell a olde child en, oaming he ee of G g le i h no hing o do all da long. Tho e child en, a e a he n i e in he ea and e in he e - ho e o ng people a e alking he ame oad m on alked. Doe an one ee hi ? Do hei mo he ee hi ? Did I ee i ? Wa I e e ca ed ha i ma e ed no , on an da , he he m on go o of bed o no ? And he police. Ho can he ell, i h ab ol e ce ain , hich of ho e kni e ha ained on o poo child killed he ? Ho can he ell hich hand held hich knife, e en? The eadil admi man fell pon he . Man . Ho hen a e he able o ell hich hand deli e ed he elling ab, he fa al blo ? Again and again I a k m elf, h him? Wh do he ingle him o f om he j mble ha ook o child life a a ?
M on! M on! Wha ha e o done? Oh, ha i hi e ible hing ha o ha e done? Fa he , All-me cif l, a e me! Help me! H , help me, Lo d, le I pe i h. Help me! H , help me, Lo d, igh no . G g le , m ch la e
Who i i ? I a ked. I me, Mmelwane, an e ed Skonana oice. M e e lled. Wha did he an ? She ha people i h he , al o! Q a i a hma ic oice lled he b ief ilence ha had fallen. Wi h he back of m hand I b hed a a he ea , and go p f om he ide of he bed he e I a i ing, m mind all o e he place. Which ide of he ho e a e o ? F on , came a cho of oice . Wh can people mind hei o n b ine . I opened m e e ide, o op f e h ea f om a ing. Fo omen ood he e hen I opened he doo . Lindi e and Yoli a e e al o f om m ee . We aid o o el e e ho ld come, aid Q a i. We alked abo hi , e a ked o el e : ho ld e no ai ill he call ? B he da ha e gone on . . . Call o ? We a e people ho come o each o he home hen he e i a ea on, Lindi e aid. I a ha he e e had no o ble a all looking in o mine. B ill, m hea o ld no be a peace. The e i nei he edding no fea a hi ho e. Mmelwane, Skonana ickl j mped in. We ha e come o c i h o . . . a i o c om, o g ie e i h ho e ho g ie e. I didn kno ha o a o feel. I had no mmoned m neighbo . U all , he keening of mo ne call neighbo o he ho e ha dea h ha i i ed. I had no called m neighbo I had no anno nced he dea h. Ye , he e ha been a dea h. B i i I ho ma keen? I i I hom people ho ld help g ie e? We ha e come o be i h o in hi ime, Yoli a oice aid. And e alked, m neighbo and I. I a like he opening of a boil. The eaf e , I a no o af aid of m neighbo e e . I did no immedia el ee condemna ion in he e e ha beheld mine. When ome a a a , I do no ell m elf he a e emba a ed o a oiding me. And e en if he do, I kno he e a e ome among m f iend and neighbo ho feel fo me ho nde and m pain. I i people ch a he e ho gi e me eng h. And hope. I hea he e a e ch che and o he g o p o king i h o ng people and g o n p . Helping. So ha iolence ma op. O a lea be le han i i igh no . Tha i a good hing. We need o help each o he . . . all of , b e peciall he child en. O he i e he g o p o be a p oblem fo e e one. And hen e e bod e . I p a he e ma be help e en fo o ng people like M oli i. Tha he ma change and come back be e people.
Oh, M on! M on! Wha ha e o done? Wha i hi ha o ha e done? Yo da gh e . The impe fec a onemen of he ace. M on. The pe fec ho of he demon of hi .
My Sister-Mother, we are bound in this sorrow. You, as I, have not chosen this coat that you wear. It is heavy on our shoulders, I should know. It is heavy, only God knows how. We were not asked whether we wanted it or not. We did not choose, we are the chosen. But you, remember this, let it console you some, you never have to ask yourself: What did I not do for this child? You can carry your head sky high. You have no shame, no reason for shame. Only the loss. Irretrievable loss. Be consoled, however. Be consoled, for with your loss comes no shame. No deep sense of personal failure. Only glory. Unwanted and unasked for, I know. But let this be your source of strength, your fountain of hope, the light that illumines the depth of your despair. 12 And my son? What had he to live for? My son. His tomorrows were his yesterday. Nothing. Stretching long, lean, mean, and empty. A glaring void. Nothing would come of the morrow. For him. Nothing at all. Long before the ground split when he pee’d on it, that knowledge was rmly planted in his soul . . . it was intimately his. He had already seen his tomorrows; in the defeated stoop of his father’s shoulders. In the tired eyes of that father’s friends. In the huddled, ragged men who daily wait for chance at some job whose whereabouts they do not know . . . wait at the corners of roads leading nowhere . . . wait for a van to draw up, a shout, a beckoning hand that could mean a day’s job for an hour’s wage, if that. He had seen his tomorrows — in the hungry, gnarled hands outstretched toward the long- dead brazier, bodies shivering in the unsmiling, setting sun of a winter’s day. Long have the men been waiting: all day. But chance has not come that way today. Chance rarely came that way. Any day. Chance has been busy in that other world . . . the white world. Where it dwelt, at home among those other beings, who might or might not come with o ers of a day’s employ. Where it made its abode — in posh suburbs and beautiful homes and thriving businesses . . . forever forsaking the men looking for a day’s work that might give them an hour’s wage. The men from the dry, dusty, wind- attened, withering shacks they call home. Would always, always call home. No escape. Such stark sign-posts to his tomorrow. Hope still-born in his heart. As in the hearts of all like him. The million-million lumpen, the lost generation. My son. My son!
G g le , la e af e , Wed e da 25 A g The ello Ma da d i e p NY 1, f om he Bell ille ide going no h o a d he Lan do ne ide of G g le . The e o ng people in ide a e inging. All along he ee , li le g o p of people alking, alking, o j anding, pe hap ai ing . . . fo omeone . . . o fo a a i. The pede ian a c i hick and hea , o ke a e coming back f om o k, choolchild en f om chool, omen a home c ing f om he hop o ge back and a ha e ening meal.
O e he e, nea he Police S a ion, he e i almo a conge ion, he c o d i hicke he e. The e i a b op. Al o, a i o and f om Langa and N anga op he e. So do ome emplo e , fe ching o b inging back labo e . The e a e e e al ch che loca ed in hi a ea, a a e a n mbe of chool . He e, M oli i g o p change bo h ne and gai . Gone he o i- o i, he f eedom ong , and he ma ching. Shambling, i mo e like he ep he g o p no adop . All inging ha opped. B ief con l a ion a e held, ei e a ing he ne da plan and bidding each o he goodb e. The la ge g o p pli . A fe of he o ng people, le han a h nd ed, alk do n he ee , o a d he ca fa app oaching. The e i no hing e ing he ca apa . No hing p oclaiming i a pecial, pec lia , o ma ked. I i j one ca among e e al d i ing p o do n hi pa ic la e ch of NY 1, a hi ime, on hi da . Pa he hopping cen e a NY 110. Pa NY 132, he e h ee b ilding a in ide a high i e fence. Thi i Zingi a Highe P ima School. I i ilen no . All he den and eache a e gone. If he e e e e in oda . The b ilding a e ilen no . Emp . To he lef o e he o he ide of NY 132 and ell a a f om he oad, be ond a l h g een pa ch of la n, he e i a Shell ga age, i h h ee li le p mp , ed and hi e. The ello ca i no headed fo NY 112. No hing e i apa . No hing. Un il o look in ide.
A he co ne of NY 1 and NY 109, he g o p of den di ide in o o: he Langa c o d head e , o Ne eg ain S a ion hile hei G g le com ade plin e in o malle g o p of o, h ee, o fo , each heading home.
Abo mid a be een he ga age and he econd e of hop , malle han he one a NY 110, he ca come o a el c an op. Th ee h nd ed me e ahead, he ligh a he in e ec ion of NY 1 and NY 108, al o kno n a Klipfon ein Road, ha e ned ed. Se e al ehicle deli e ck , lo ie , ca be een en and el e, a e ahead of he li le ello ca . M oli i li le g o p i cha ing idl . He can ee hi home, hi ide of he Police S a ion, a me e h nd ed me e f om he e he and . Wh , e e he o hail omeone anding a hi ga e, he d hea him, i ha clo e. The d ee him oo, if he a ed and he happened o be looking hi a . Yo da gh e ap he ee ing heel. The inging ha long ailed o a op. The engine p of l , idling. A ca al glance f om a pa e -b . In an aneo igni ion. KwiMa da! KwiMa da! Kukh’ umlungu kwiMa da! In he Ma da! In he Ma da! The e i a hi e pe on in he Ma da! ONE SETTLER! ONE BULLET! The c ing o , ending a hock- a e h o gh he hoa d all a o nd hi pa of NY 1. No e a c o d. No hing bind hem e , b of co e Ope a ion Ba celona i in he ai . O he pick p he c , epea i and end i along. Mo e and mo e e-echo i . ONE SETTLER! ONE BULLET! The emo a he and pill o e o all i hin hea ing. And all ho hea i a e i e ed. Head i el hi a and ha . The c p ll omen f om hei b ki chen , op in hei ack i ed o ke e ning f om o k; child en pla come o an ab p hal ; and he o he d i e opped a hi poin check ha hei doo a e locked. O e he e! O e he e, in he ello Ma da! The ca ha been ingled no . I ha been e apa . No ed. The ame bap i ing c ie meld he di pa a e indi id al and li le g o p , i ola ed b a min e befo e, in o a one-minded mon e . A g o p. A c o d, i h one aim, one goal a , fa f om ini e , j o e if ha he ea ha e hea d, ee if i i e. Co ld i be? Ho co ld i be? Ye , do b ing ill, hei fee all n and poin o a d he ca ha ha been ma ked. The ello Ma da. D i e on! D i e on! ge one of o da gh e pa enge , one of he gi l he i gi ing a lif back home. L mka g oan , clenching and nclenching he ja , ing and n ing he igh hand. The hand i a m and ea . D i e on! he gi l oice i hoa e i h fea . Yo da gh e n he igni ion ke . C a l he pace of one pa ked ca . S op . S op beca e he e i no going f he , a ca block he a . ONE SETTLER! ONE BULLET! M oli i g o p, ha emain of i , a e he deaf no o hea he c ? A e he c a no o ee he implica ion ? Onl one hing co ld ha e elici ed he c . One. Some he e, nea b , ome hi e pe on ha been po ed. Inc edible. A hi e pe on. He e in G g le ? In he e ime ? Af e ha happened o ha KTC mlungu oman onl e e da ? No a ! Mo di mi he c a a hoa , he o k of ome bo ed lo , looking o i hing p. B he c come back again. Lo de , hi ime, i h mo e oice added. The pack ace o a d he o ce of he c , a one, echoing: One e le , one b lle . Al ho gh he ha e no een he im l fo he c . ONE SETTLER! ONE BULLET! M oli i c o d ickl di in eg a e , each pe on going f ll peed o he epicen e, ea ching fo he one hing ha ill j mp o , he oddi . Plea e, don op! Plea e, don op! D i e on! F an ic, he f iend ho . She ep on he accele a o . The ello ca leap ahead, emi ing a p i ed g oan. Af e h ee ca leng h , ho e e , i again hal . Engine nning b no he e o go. Blocked b he ca befo e i . B all ho e befo e ha .
The o ng men ho, a min e befo e, e e anding a he co ne of NY 1 and NY 109, ha e eached he mob o nding he ca . B no , he c ha become f en ied. F om h oa hapha a dl all a o nd he milling c o d i come ince an l : ONE SETTLER, ONE BULLET! ONE SETTLER, ONE BULLET! The e i a hickening in he long, bleak oad. A knob of bobbing and ea ing head , all a o nd he ello ca . Hand each o , pla f ll , a . The ock he ca . Tho e in ide h dde , b he e i no going fo a d. The ca i o all immobili ed. Then, ddenl , he ocking op . Relief. BANG! CRASH! Relief ickl ha e ed. The ind c een inkle a a million- million li le eb-c ack pain hem el e on i . A c eam e cape f om omeone h oa j a a econd ock come ing h o gh a indo , ho e ing pa kling ha d on face and neck and a m and leg and fee . Don panic, he ell he elf, ilen l . He lip igh l p e ed oge he , ja clenched, he ell he elf, keep calm. Yo can ge o of hi . Keep o head. ONE SETTLER, ONE BULLET! F om h oa o h oa he c gail goe ; ca ied b he n hinking ind . I become a jo o ef ain, ol n a and in inc i e in i c ell ca ele glee. Ano he p a of b oken bi of gla . The a on ed e h p o p i ed e e ha open n eeingl . Red ea lo l oo e o of ho e e e , and lo l ickle and join each o he fo olida i . Red pe al on hi , on pan , and on leg and on o hoe . An ea h ake ock he ca . D i e on! The e i a c a ed one o he oice, ging he impo ible. Red pe al in he e e . Red pe al blinding he o a hal . The dilemma of he pa enge in he ello Ma da i a p o he mindle c o d o ide. The chan g o . Rock ain pon he ca . The come ing h o gh, in o he ca and on o i f agile ca go, clea l endange ed no . Blocked, he ca canno mo e. Blinded, o da gh e canno e cape. No b d i ing on. Le n o he ga age! he o ng man c ie o . NO! NO! DRIVE ON! The deba e op ho a ano he ea h ake ock he ca . In he da kened omach of he ca , all ligh i blocked b he mob of bodie all a o nd i , p hing f om all ide , p hing and elling and amping hei fee , ai ed. A m each in ide h o gh he no naked, ngla ed indo . The e o ng people a e f o en ca ed. The a e be ide hem el e i h d ead. AMANDLA! B no , in ide he ca , he o-lo ed, familia c igge fea and panic. Yielding o he ine i able, o da gh e n he ca engine o . In one la de pe a e bid fo f eedom, all e o of he ca in a mad da h fo he h ee pe ol p mp he b ilding ello , gold, hi e. A ha en. Safe . Smelling he clima , he pack i ho on hei heel . Tho e i h kni e in hei pocke , each fo hem. Tho e na med ca hei e e abo in he fo e e deb i - ich di of G g le he e bo nd o nd ome hing ef l. The den f om he ni e i n. The mob, like ho nd , gi e cha e, elling and c eaming in glee. Don ! Plea e, don h he ! plead L mka. She j a ni e i den , ano he of o da gh e f iend c eam , p ing he elf be een he and he a acke . B ni e i den fall on deaf ea . The mob ca e no hing fo he e o d . M on and hi f iend and all ho e mobbing a o nd o da gh e ca , he kno no hing of ni e i ie . Yo da gh e fall on ea on. Plea e don do hi . Yo don an o do hi . Yo can do hi . Yo can do hi o me. Plea e, don . DON T! Do-oo-hn-on-n ! B he plea fall on deaf ea . Tha nfo gi ing momen . M on. Blood po nding in hi ea . King! If fo a da . If fo a pal e min e . . . a mi e able b ea ing econd. AMANDLA! NGAWETHU! POWER! IT IS OURS! AMANDLA! NGAWETHU! POWER! IT IS OURS! Th o e he c . Ro e and fell o he chee ing an e f om he c o d. Amandla! a fe c ied o , hei clenched high in he ai . Ngawethu! came he nhe i a ing e pon e f om he fe id c o d. Ngawethu! T an po ed, he c o d e ponded; no d elling on he igni cance of he o d. Deaf and blind o he eed f om hich i p ang, he pi if l po e le ne ha had b e ed hi e momen . And he ong in m on ea . A ong he had hea d ince he co ld alk. E en befo e he co ld alk. Song of ha e, of de pai , of age. Song of impo en loa hing. AMABHULU, AZIZINJA! AMABHULU, AZIZINJA! BOERS, THEY ARE DOGS! BOERS, THEY ARE DOGS! Oh, ha he goodne had no blinded he o he animo i of ome of ho e fo hom he bo e ch compa ion! Tha he nai e had no icked he in o belie ing in blanke , nifo m g il le ne of ho e hom he came o help. Tha i e ocable momen ! The c o d chee m on on. One e le ! One b lle ! We had been chee ing him on ince he da he a bo n. Befo e he a bo n. Long befo e. Nong a e a i in ha long, long-ago d eam: A g ea aging hi l ind o ld come. I o ld d i e abelungu o he ea. Nong a e had b oiced he ncon cio collec i e i h of he na ion: id o el e of he co ge. She a no obbed. She a no aped. The e a no a el. Onl he e p ion of a lo , imme ing, ee hing age. Bi e ne b and pilled he ende blood on he g een a mn g a of a fa -a a land. I edeemable blood. I e ie able lo . One bo . Lo . Hopele l lo . One gi l, fa a a f om home. The enac men of he deep, da k, p i a e ea ning of a bj ga ed ace. The con mma ion of ine i able en ele ca a ophe. I do no p e end o kno h o da gh e died . . . died in he manne in hich he did. Died hen he ime and place and hand e e all in pe fec cong ence; c el con ence of ime, place and agen . Fo ha i ha he had become a he ime hen he killed o da gh e . M on a onl an agen , e ec ing he long- imme ing da k de i e of hi ace. B ning ha ed fo he opp e o po e ed hi being. I a h o gh hi e e ; alked i h hi fee and ielded he knife ha o e me cile l in o he e h. The e en men of h ee h nd ed ea pl gged hi ea ; deaf o he pi if l en ea ie . M on, he blind b ha pened a o of he a h of hi ace. Yo da gh e , he ac i ce of he . Blindl cho en. Fl ng o a d he ad fa e b fo ne c elle ling . B fo he chance of a da , he di e ence of one n i e, he o ld be ali e oda . M on, pe hap no a m de e . Pe hap , no e . Beacon P e Bo on, Ma ach e .beacon.o g
Beacon P e book a e p bli hed nde he a pice of he Uni a ian Uni e ali A ocia ion of Cong ega ion .
1998 b Sindi e Magona Fi p bli hed in 1998 in So h Af ica b Da id Philip P bli he (P ) L d, 208 We dm lle Cen e, Cla emon , 7708, So h Af ica Fi Beacon P e edi ion p bli hed in 1999
All igh e e ed P in ed in he Uni ed S a e of Ame ica
15 14 13 14 13 12 11
Thi book i p in ed on acid-f ee pape ha mee he ncoa ed pape ANSI/NISO peci ca ion fo pe manence a e i ed in 1992.
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Magona, Sindi e. Mo he o mo he / Sindi e Magona. p. cm. e-ISBN 978-0-8070-0997-0 ISBN 978-0-8070-0949-9 (pbk.) I. Ti le. PR9369.3.M335M67 1999 823-dc21 99-26023