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The Beanstalk

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The Beanstalk Back to the Beanstalk: Snow White and the Seven Scientists Script and Lyrics by: Janinne Chadwick c. 2015 For Little People’s Repertory Theatre Script and Lyrics by: Janinne Chadwick c. 2015 For Little People’s Repertory Theatre 1 Act One: Scene 1 Woods Out Of The Woods Hansel and Gretel enter. Frogs are croaking. Gretel: Just another day in the woods. I’m so hungry, Hansel, why did you waste all of our bread feeding the birds? Hansel: They were hungry. I felt sorry for them. Gretel: Now we’re hungry, what are we gonna do? Hansel: (notices sign and points) Look, Hill Lorenzo Valley. It looks like we made it to the village! We’re sure to find something to eat here! They skip off. Flora and Fauna, 2 fairies, enter. Flora: Merryweather! Come out! Here comes the Doc. You have enough flowers! We have work to do! Merryweather: (enters following behind them with flowers in her hand) One never has enough flowers. Besides, why must we interfere with the business of people? Fauna: Those witches are getting too big for their britches. That’s why! Flora: Besides, this is a fairy tale! It’s what we do. Merryweather: Well, why do I always have to go? Fauna: Because you're the oldest. Flora: Besides you don’t always have to go, I went last time. Merryweather: Ok, ok, shhh. I’m going in. She hides behind the beanstalk. Doc, a little scientist, enters. He is wearing a lab coat and looks behind to make sure that he’s not being followed. He takes a magnifying glass and is searching the stalk. Doc: Come on baby, one more bean, that’s all I need. [Merryweather places a big bean in his hand.] Yes! Paydirt! Script and Lyrics by: Janinne Chadwick c. 2015 For Little People’s Repertory Theatre 2 He holds it up in the air to inspect it, looks around, puts it in a pouch and hurries off. Act 1: Scene 2 Hill Lorenzo Valley Little Pig Houses Typical fairytale village with a clock tower, castle with a window and balconu, a Gingerbread Jail-House, and produce stand. Pigs are building their houses (bricks, sticks, pink plastic Barbie dream home). Realtor Pig: (addressing Gingerwitch) Well, it was nice to meet you, here’s my card. Remember: ‘Century Anyone’. If you ever do consider selling, I can guarantee you a good price. There is such a housing crunch in this valley. I see that you are using this house as a jail house, but it could make a lovely B and B. Gingerbread houses are very desirable. Realtor Pig acts very hungry and tries to pull off a piece of the house. Gingerwitch smacks her hand. Gingerwitch: You had better run along, piggy, before I put pork pie on special! Gingerwitch goes inside shop and slams door/window behind her. Realtor Pig goes to her unfinished stick house (with no roof) and joins the other pigs who are building their houses. Realtor Pig: My house of sticks will have the best resale value. With this open, “airy" layout and view of the sky, this beauty will sell itself! Barbie Pig: Well I’m not interested in selling! Hipster Pig: That’s right, Sis. We have to build shelters so we can be safe from big, bad wolves. Barbie Pig: OMG! I can’t wait to move in! A few finishing touches to the garage and my dream house is almost done. Ken will be so excited when he sees what I made! Now, off with my Barbie the Builder outfit. [Takes coveralls off and is in a classic 1950s hostess outfit.] Much better. [Looks in a hand mirror and applies lipstick.] Hipster Pig: That plastic house is so commercial Barbie! Plus the plastic is full of PCB’s! So not eco-friendly! I’m building my house out of hand made bricks that I made Script and Lyrics by: Janinne Chadwick c. 2015 For Little People’s Repertory Theatre 3 by rooting for fresh clay and mixing it with equal parts water and sand. My brick house is wind resistant, so I don’t have to worry about huffing and puffing. Check out my chimney! I just used a mason jar! Realtor Pig: We do live in a most unusual place, don’t we? Barbie Pig: Why don’t we tell these nice people about it? As Pigs sing, lights come up on various characters that make an appearance during the song. Little Pig Houses Pigs: There’s a blind mouse with a black bear Livin’ right in our neighborhood They got a gingerbread man runnin’ through the front yard You know they’d eat him if only they could And there’s Granny In the kitchen Cookin’ up the Giants’ slop And he counts his beans and says: hey Ma’ let’s plant another beanstalk Chorus (Pigs): But ain’t that a fairy tale, for you and me Ain’t that a fairy tale, ya’ll came to see babe Ain’t that a fairy tale For a small fee (LPRT) Little pig houses for you and me, for you and me Well there’s Snow White and the mean queen It’s a bad, bad situation Queenie checks her hair and her evil smile Mirror says “Lord, you need a vacation” Queenie’s jealous, and full of envy Wants to be fairest in the land Sends Snow White into the woods to be killed by her wicked huntsmen Well little people in their lab coats What do they know, know, know? Doc is workin’ day and night On the space time continuum Hope they get right Script and Lyrics by: Janinne Chadwick c. 2015 For Little People’s Repertory Theatre 4 Oh yeah And there's swimmers and there’s losers Hoping to make things right Cuz it’s a fairy tale baby With dreams and schemes and laughs and screams [Repeat chorus: All] Act 1: Scene 3 The Woods Encounter With The Law Jack is trying to pull Einstein the cow into the scene. He stops when Einstein won’t go any further. Jack: Come on Einstein. I don’t want to sell you either. But you heard Mother. If you can’t milk, we can’t keep you. [Einstein collapses with a pathetic “Moo.”] Not here, can’t you make it to the side of the road? You know how the Sheriff is always on my case. Ok Einstein, we can rest for a minute. Jack has his hat pulled down, leaning on a resting cow. Sheriff and Deputy Biff ride up on stick horses. Deputy Biff: Hey! No loitering! Can’t you read? [He points to the sign that says “Welcome to Hill Lorenzo Valley”.] Sheriff: Well, well, if it isn’t Lazy Jack McFry. Loitering again! What a slacker. There’s a tax for loitering. You owe taxes to the Queen! Deputy Biff: Pay up, McFry! Sheriff: You don’t like the law, do you Jack McFry? That’s because you're a slacker. You know, you remind me of your father, he’s a slacker too. In fact tell your old man he’s late paying his taxes. We’re gonna have to tack on a late fee. Jack: Why don’t you tell him yourself, Sheriff? Sheriff: No sass, young man. Now do as I say and move along. Deputy Biff: Yeah, why don’t you make like a tree and get lost! Gingerbread Man runs in. Script and Lyrics by: Janinne Chadwick c. 2015 For Little People’s Repertory Theatre 5 Gingerbread Man: (to audience, super loud and extremely paranoid) Run! Run! Fast as you can! They won’t catch me I’m the Gingerbread Man! Sheriff and Deputy Biff quickly turns their attention from Jack to Gingerbread Man. Deputy Biff: Hey, no running! Can’t you read the sign? [He points to the sign.] Sheriff: There’s a tax on running! Sheriff and Deputy Biff go after Gingerbread Man. Page enters. Page: I have an important message from the venerable Professor Doc, for a Jack McFry. Jack: What is it? [He takes the scroll from Page and reads. Page exits.] “Bring Einstein to me right away! Needed for the advancement of science.” Did you hear that old girl. I guess we better go and see the Doc. [They exit.] Act 1: Scene 4 Present - HillVillies A Day In The Life Fairies enter while Mother Goose is speaking. Mother Goose: (writing in a big journal) Jack and Jill went up the…road? No, no, that’s not it. Jack and Jill went up the... hmmmm. Merryweather: (stage whisper) The Hill. Mother Goose: Oh well, well, well, it looks like the fairies are paying us a visit! To what do we owe this honor? Jack’s Mom: (is arranging a few apples on a blanket or table) Speaking of Jack, has anyone seen my lazy son? He was to sell our cow and help me with the market. Granny enters, waving baguettes of bread under the noses of the HillVillies. Granny: (snatching up some apples from produce cart) The Queen loves red apples! I’ll take this for the Queen. And my grandson Biff works so hard, I’ll take one for him. And this one will make a lovely centerpiece for the Queen’s table. Pay up. Jack’s Mom hands her money from her pocket. Script and Lyrics by: Janinne Chadwick c. 2015 For Little People’s Repertory Theatre 6 Granny: Is that all you have? Realtor Pig: That’s not how it’s supposed to work.
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