Underground Steroid Handbook Ii
Total Page:16
File Type:pdf, Size:1020Kb
Copyright © 1989 by Daniel Duchaine Copyright © 2006 by QFAC, Inc. All Rights Reserved. UNDERGROUND STEROID HANDBOOK II Incorporating material from the original Underground Steroid Handbook, Ultimate Muscle Mass, and the USH Updates #1-10 by DANIEL DUCHAINE HLR technical books, venice, ca 90291 Copyright © 1989 by Daniel Duchaine Copyright © 2006 by QFAC, Inc. All Rights Reserved. REVISED EDITION FIRST PRINTING Printed in the United States of America Reproduction or publication of the content in any manner, without express permission of the author or publisher, is prohibted. No liability is assumed with respect to the use of the information herein. Copyright © 1989 by Daniel Duchaine Copyright © 2006 by QFAC, Inc. Cover art by Tara Lee Torburn Photograph courtesty of Modern Bodybuilding Publications Copyright © 1989 by Daniel Duchaine Copyright © 2006 by QFAC, Inc. All Rights Reserved. Contents 1 PREFACE TO THE SECOND EDITION 2 WHY THIS BOOK HAD TO BE WRITTEN AGAIN 3 BEFORE YOUR READ ANY MORE OF THIS BOOK 4 ABOUT STEROIDS IN GENERAL 5 THE VARIOUS KINDS OF STEROIDS 6 ABOUT BLOOD TESTS 7 THE DRUGS IN PARTICULAR 8 USING THE DRUGS 9 STEROID SIDE EFFECTS 10 NEEDLE ARCANA 11 HUMAN GROWTH HORMONE 12 GETTING OFF STEROIDS 13 THE DRUG TEST 14 YOU, STEROIDS, AND THE LAW Copyright © 1989 by Daniel Duchaine Copyright © 2006 by QFAC, Inc. All Rights Reserved. CHAPTER ONE PREFACE TO THE SECOND EDITION Honesty, I never, never thought about doing a second edition to the UNDERGROUND STEROID HANDBOOK. There should be many more interesting, socially acceptable things for me to do, and life is so short, even if I didn't use steroids. If you never heard about or read the first edition of the UNDERGROUND STEROID HANDBOOK let me give you a little background. I wrote the original Underground Steroid Handbook (USH) early in 1982. It was essentially a 'how to' course on steroids, written over a two week period under the influence of a megadose of Testosterone Cypionate. Let me be the first to tell you about the recent hormone research: a high testosterone level does not impair your verbal skills, it just makes them seemingly unintelligible (read: warped and sick) to people with high estrogen levels. The USH crammed 18 pages with tiny, almost impossible to read type and tried to touch all the bases about the real world use of anabolic/androgenic steroids as I know it then, in 1982. The pamphlet was easy to understand by the average athlete, combining medical research, anecdotal information, personal experiences, and instinctive hypotheses, interspaced with cartoons in extremely poor taste. Running throughout the text was a jaded, pessimistic, and sometimes overtly cruel streak of humor. Although the USH ended up becoming a subculture sensation to hardcore muscleheads, I never made a lot of money on the thing; didn't make the cover of Time or Newsweek either. Athletes who used steroids embraced the schizoid dictum with a collective mutter of, 'Finally, someone said itl' The medical community was predictably miffed, and inadvertently I evolved into a kind of cult crusader, although anti-steroid people like Dr. Bob (Death in the Locker Room) Goldman might consider me the Jim Jones of such a cult. I've been labeled the bad boy of bodybuilding, the renegade researcher; 'steroid guru' is popular lately. The USH never sold well because basically I was a lousy salesman. The book wasn't copyrighted and it was easy to photocopy. It was sold by direct mail order through specialty magazines and most of the magazines pulled the ad out as soon as it was apparent that the book was advocating DRUG USE. This does not mean that the book didn't get around. I must have sold at least 40,000 copies over the years. I've seen tons of photocopies. I own various foreign language editions of the USH. It has been rewritten and passed around in France, Germany, Holland, and Sweden, along with bootleg copies sold mail order in two British bodybuilding magazines. Just last month I saw an ad for it in a newsletter originating in Canada. Over the six years that this crude pamphlet has been circulating around, it has been quoted on CBS's 60 minutes, in Sports Illustrated, the Los Angeles Times, the New York Times, and in just about every major (and minor) bodybuilding magazine. If on one day I wasn't hounded by the BBC, I was followed by the FBI. I don't know just how many federal agencies picked through my trash for over three years, but I know they did. Someone from the FDA told me how frustrated they were that I shredded all the really important trash with the same type of shredder that they used. Copyright © 1989 by Daniel Duchaine Copyright © 2006 by QFAC, Inc. All Rights Reserved. I'm pretty much ambivaient about this continuing notoriety, mostly because I never imagined that the USH was going to be considered all that great or cataclysmic a book about steroids. I still wonder, why is the general public SO interested in these drugs; very few people use them. I was always a little embarassed in calling it a 'book', as short as it was. I'm a college graduate but the only college science courses I took were in Astronomy. I never worked with a medical doctor, nor are there any pharmacists in my family. Actually I never took any medical or biology courses in high school or in college. I did dissect an earthworm in elementary school. In spite of all this (maybe because of it?) I will say with complete confidence that I have turned out to be the most competent expert on practical steroid use. No doctor, researcher, coach, or also-ran guru can match what I (sometimes accidentally) accomplished over the years. Sorry if I sound arrogant, but I have encountered no one having my abilities in counseling athletes (both male and female) on improving their size, strength, appearance and performance without compromising their health. Let me be the first to prick my ballooning ego by saying that I have gotten to this position passively and by default. I do believe that the USH, yes, even the old one, is still the best practical text on steroid use only because all the others are so bad. Oh, they've been written by MDs and PhDs, and were printed more attractively, but as far as a manual that an average athlete can read, understand, and use for immediate, discernible benefit, the ratty, outdated, little USH still has no peer. Let me confess that I don't feel all that swell about being the de facto steroid guru. There certainly are more knowledgable people able to do the work. I guess that my combination of being smart and knowledgable and creative along with the correct temperament (also known as a morbid fascination) for the work has kept me unique in this field so far. The other major reason I have become the harbinger of hormonious truth is simply because I have the least to lose in confronting the self-appointed medical authorities with three unthinkable words: You are wrong. But, as I've implied, I'm not perfect, which is a graceful way of admitting I've not always been right. As I learned more about the idiosyncrasies of steroid use in athletics, I realized that I had made some bloopers in the original USH. Granted, sometimes I knowingly bent the truth a bit to make it easier to understand, but occasionally I was flat out wrong. Not so seriously that the information would endanger someone's health, but details here and there needed to be corrected. Also, new products had hit the black market, the designer steroids, and were being used with no guidance or rationality. So, motivated by a sort of skewed sense of moral obligation, I began to publish sporadic Updates which corrected any boners I had made in the first USH, along with reviewing the new and fashionable steroids that athletes were using. However, I ran into trouble here too; sometimes the Updates contained errors, mostly apparent only to myself and a handful of anabolic adepts as more information accrued. The years rolled by and I realized that I really should update the Updates. However, at this time the media covering athletics in America became rampantly anti-steroid. The megalomaniac of muscle, Ben Weider (who, inarguably, owns the sport of bodybuilding), and his idiot-savant Bob Goldman, pumped up all the Weider specialty magazines (Muscle & Fitness, Flex, Shape, Men's Fitness) with relentless anti-steroid propaganda, spreading it from these specialty periodicals, to newspapers, and on to television. Then Copyright © 1989 by Daniel Duchaine Copyright © 2006 by QFAC, Inc. All Rights Reserved. the federal government jumped into the misinformation spree, abandoned their usual laissez-faire attitude and started cracking down on the relatively benign-but-illegal black market steroid trade. At this point I said to myself, Time to make that mid-life career change, do something really unusual, like pursue what you spent six years in college for.' But then it happened: I got pissed, I stayed pretty calm when I was arrested. I didn't got too upset when they set my bail at one million dollars. I view the two months I spent in jail as a rewarding experience. But I had a very hard time staying nice and complacent when, knowing the subject intimately, I knew I was being lied to. And I'm going to tell you with all intellectual and heartfelt conviction that the government, the Weider Media, Dr.