Practical Ideas for Teaching Writing As a Process

DOCUMENT RESUME

ED 294 193 CS 211 177

AUTHOR Olson, Carol Booth, Ed. TITLE Practical Ideas for Teaching Writing as a Process. 1987 Edition. INSTITUTION California State Dept. of Education, Sacramento. REPORT NO ISEN-0-8011-0671-0 PUB DATE 87 NOTE 227p.; For 1986 edition, see ED 268 550. AVAILABLE FROMPublication:: Sales, California State Department of Education, P.O. Box 271, Sacramento, CA 95802-0271 ($6.00). PUB TYPE Guides - Non-Classroom Use (055)

EDRS PRICE MF01 Plus Postage. PC Not Available from EDRS. DESCRIPTORS Elementary Secondary Education; Evaluation Methods; *Prewriting; Revision (Written Composition); Student Writing Models; *Teaching Methods; Training Methods; Vocabulary Development; *Writing Evaluation; Writing Exercises; *Writing Instruction; *Writing Processes IDENTIFIERS *California Writing Project

ABSTRACT A collaborative effort on the part of teachers from and consultants for the University of California, Irvine/California Writing Project, this guide presents ideas for teaching writing as a process at all levels of the curriculum. Each section of the guide presents an essay introducing the section topic, followed by practical ideas for teaching that technique or stage of the writing process. Also included are applications of writing techniques at particular grade levels, descriptions of ways to modify assignments, new ideas that were generated by an original idea, and variations on a theme. Following an introduction to the California Writing Project, the contents of the guide are divided into the following sections: (1) the writing process; (2) prewriting; (3) prewriting in the elementary school; (4) prewriting in different subjects; (5) showing, not telling (a training program for student writers); (6) writing; (7) domains of writing; (8) writing the saturation report; (9) point of view in writing; (10) writing the I-search paper; (11) sharing/responding; (12) Reading Around Groups (RAGs) for sharing/responding; (13) rewriting/editing; (14) revising for correctness; (15) building vocabularies; (16) evaluation; and (17) evaluation techniques. A list of selected references for literature, other sources, and publications about writing, and a list of publications available from the California State Department of Education are appended. (MM)

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Lcr'N: Practical Iy eas

1987 Edition

v) ci CALIFORNIA STATE DEPARTMENT OF EDUCATIONBill HonigSuperintendent of Public InstructionSacramento, 1987 2 Practical Ides

Compiled and edited by Carol Booth Olson Codirector, University of California, Irvine/ California Writing Project Prepared for publication by The Staff of the Bureau of Publications California State Department of Education Publishing Information

Practical Ideas for Teaching Writing as a Process, which wascompiled and edited by Carol Booth Olson, Codirector of the University ofCalifornia, Irvine/ California Writing Project, was edited for publication byTheodore R. Smith, Editor in Chief, California State Department of Education. The book,which presents techniques and practical ideas for teachingstudents the stages in the writing process, was first published by the Department of Educationin 1986 as a companion to its Handbook for Planning an Effective WritingProgram. This new edition of the book has been revised andexpanded to include new practical ideas for teaching writing, an index, and a list of references. JanetLundin, an Assistant Editor in the Bureau of Publications, helped in theediting of this new edition. and she prepared the index and list of references. Practical Ideas was prepared for photo-offset production by the staffof the Department's Bureau of Publications. Marguerite Wobschalldesigned the cover and prepared the artwork for the book, using a design created byNorman Wobschall. The typesetters were Anna Boyd, Leatrice Shimabukuro,and Ron Zacharias; and the editors who proofed the typeset copy were Ms. Lundinand Marie McLean. Russell Frank, Barbara Lyter, MargueriteWobschall, Pat Chladek, and the Media Services Unit of the Department ofEducation provided most of the photographs used to illustrate the book.The other photographers whose work appears in the book are cited in theacknowledgments on page x. Practical Ideas was published by the California State Department ofEduca- tion, 721 Capitol Mall, Sacramento, California (mailing address:P.O. Box 944272, Sacramento, CA 94244-2720). The document was printed by theOffice of State Printing and distributed under the provisions of theLibrary Distribution Act. Copyright, 1986, 1987, California State Department of Education Copies of this publication are available for $6 each, plus sales taxfor California residents, from Publications Sales, California State Department ofEducation, P.O. Box 271, Sacramento, CA 95802-0271. Any questionsregarding the sale or distribution of the book should be directed to Marilyn J. Butts,Publications Sales Manager, at the address cited above or by phoning(916) 445-1260. A list of other publications available from theDepartment of Education may be found on the last page of this book.

ISBN 0-8011-0671-0

EDPRICS 4 a

Aft

Forewordvii Prefaceviii Acknowledgmentsix

INTRODUCTION 1

The California Writing ProjectLJames R. Gray 1 We Are All Out-of-Date ScientistsOwen Thomas4 THE PROCESS 7 Teaching Writing as a ProcessClthy D'Aoust7

PRACTICAL IDEAS FOR TEACHING WRITING AS A PROCESS 10 How Do You Really Write?Susan Starbuck 10 InterviewsA Good Way to Get StartedMartha Johnson I I Introducing Teachers to the Concept of Writingas a ProcessSue Rader WillettII The Demonstration Lesson--Paulette Morgan 14 Talking Students Through the Thinking-Writing ProcessJerryJudd 16 PREWRITING17 Clustering: A Prewriting ProcessGabriele Lusser Rico17

PRACTICAL IDEAS FOR USING CLUSTERING IN THE PREWRITING STAGE20 Clustering with Nonreaders/ WritersMichael Carr20 Clustering in First GradeKathy Pierce22 Clustering on CirclesElizabeth Williams Reeves22 It Works!--Elizabeth B. Martinez23 Using Clustering as a Study SkillSusan Starbuck24 Propagating ClustersMichael O'Brien25

PREWRITING IN THE ELEMENTARY SCHOOL26 A Potpourri of Prewriting Ideas for the ElementaryTeacherVirginia Baldwin26 PRACTICAL IDEAS FOR PREWRITING IN THE ELEMENTARYSCHOOL 31 Snap, Crackle, Think!Laurie Opfell, Sue Rader Willett,and Julie Simpson 31 The Rock ExperienceErline S. Krebs33 Developing Fluency Through Poetic DialogueMichael Carrand Erline Krebs34 Pattern Writing with Novels for AdolescentsElizabeth WilliamsReeves37

5 iii PREWRITING IN DIFFERENT SUBJECTS 38 Prewriting Assignments Across the CurriculumJim Lee38 PRACTICAL IDEAS FOR PREWRITING IN DIFFERENT SUBJECTS 40 A Primary Experience with SnailsCharrie Hunter40 Science SearchThe Write WayPatricia Gatlin41 Journal Writing Across the CurriculumMargaret Serences42 Guided Imagery in the Social StudiesDale Sprowl43 Mailbags and Miscellany: Writing in History ClassesLaurel Corona44 Just a Few Words on Sentence Combining Across the CurriculumWilliam Lomax 45 Snake in the Grass: An Integrated Approach to Concept FormationCarl Babb and Todd Huck47 SHOWING, NOT TELLING 51 A Training Program for Student WritersRebekah Caplan51 PRACTICAL IDEAS FOR TRAINING STUDENTS TO SHOW, NOT TELL 57 Preparing for Showing, Not Telling, Through Share DaysMichael Carr57 Preparing Junior High School Students for Showing, Not TellingMarie Filardo57 Showing, Not Telling: Setting, Characterization, ConflictLaurie Opfell59 Integrating Clustering and Showing, Not TellingCarol Booth Olson62 Showing, Not Telling: A Stepping Stone Toward Expository WritingJulie Simpson 63 Writing About Literature with Showing, Not TellingWilliam Burns66 Showing, Not Telling, About The Canterbury TalesSue Ellen Gold68 WRITING70 ryiDeveloping a Sense of Audience, or Who Am I Really Writing This Paper For?Mary K. Healy70

PRACTICAL IDEAS FOR DEVELOPING A SENSE OF AUDIENCE 73 An Exercise to Introduce the Concept of Audience to Stude.its and TeachersLynda Chittenden 73 Writing for a Live AudienceAnita Freedman74 Pen Pal ClubsVirginia Baldwin75 Writing to "Dear Abby"Karen Walden75 I Think We Need to Write a Substitute's ManualLynda Chittenden76 Providing an Audience for ESL Students and a Reason to WriteCarolyn Mendoza77 Learning LogsMindy Moffat79

DOMAINS OF WRITING 81 Teaching the Domains of WritingNancy McHugh81 PRACTICAL IDEAS FOR TEACHING THE DOMAINS OF WRITING 87 Specific Activities for Teaching the Domains of Writing in the Elementary GradesMary Turner and Rich Blough87 Using Visual Stimuli to Motivate Reluctant Writers and to Foster Descriptive Writing SkillsSue Rader Willet92 Guided Imagery in the Sensory, Descriptive and Imaginative, Narrative DomainsDale Sprowl93 Sequencing to Music: The Narrativ;.t DomainMike Conlon94 How to Carve a PumpkinA Writing Exercise in the Practical/Informative DomainMichael Carr96 How to Do "How To"Greta Nagel97 Teaching Practical/ Informative Writing Through NovelsElizabeth Williams Reeves99 The Bumper Sticker Approach to the Topic Sentence for Opinion WritingTrudy J. Beck99 Welcome to the New World!Laurie Opfell 101 Exploring the New Domains with an ExtraterrestrialTodd Huck 102 iv 6 WRITING THE SATURATION REPORT 105 Using Fictional Techniques for Nonfiction WritingRubyBernstein105

PRACTICAL IDEAS FOR ASSIGNING THE SATURATION REPORT 108 Preparing Students to Write the Saturation ReportCarol Booth Olson 108

The Add-on Saturation ReportLinda Bowe 1 1 1 The Saturation Research PaperCathy D'Aoust 112 POINT OF VIEW IN WRITING 114 A Lesson on Point of View... That WorksCarol Booth Olson114

PRACTICAL IDEAS FOR TEACHING POINT OF VIEW 118

Teaching Point of View Through Characters froma NovelElizabeth Williams Reeves 118 A Seventh Grade Approach to Point of ViewMarie Filardo 118 A Parent's Point of View Dale Sprowl120 An Inside Look at Fear: Point of View in The CrucibleJulie Simpson 121 The New KidMark Reardon 123 WRITING THE I-SEARCH PAPER127 The Reawakening of Curiosity: Research Papersas Hunting StoriesKen Macrorie127 RIPRACTICAL IDEAS FOR USING THE I-SEARCH PAPER 130 Adapting the I-Search Paper for the Elementary ClassroomAnita Freedman 130 My SearchLaurie Opfell 132

A Sample Prompt, Scoring Guide, and Model Paper for the I-SearchCarolBooth Olson 133 The I-Search Paper: A Perfect CompromiseNorma Tracy137 Research Made Fun: Students' Responses to the I-Search PaperJoan Bower138 SHARING/RESPONDING 139 Some Guidelines for Writing-Response GroupsPeter Elbow139

PRACTICAL IDEAS FOR SHARING/RESPONDING 143

Implementing Sharing Groups in the First-Grade ClassroomMich..'l Carr 143 An Argument for Sharing in TriadsCharles L. Reichardtl44 At First... And at LastJulie Simpson 145 Response Groups in the Business Writing ClassSheila Koff146 RAGs FOR SHARING/RESPONDING148 Using Read-Around Groups to Establish Criteria for Good WritingJeneeGossard148

PRACTICAL IDEAS FOR READ-AROUND GROUPS 151

Using RAGs to Teach Revising and Editing at the Elementary LevelDianeDawson 151 Students' Reactions to the Read-AroundSheila Koff152 Using Read-Around Groups in a Biology ClassJudith Sandersonl53 Using Read-Around Groups for Holistic ScoringTrudy Beck 154 REWRITING/EDITING155 Competence for Performance in RevisionSheridan Blau155 it PRACTICAL IDEAS FOR REVISING 160 Stages in the Revising ProcessMichael O'Brienl60

Yes, There Is a Better Way: Revising on the Word ProcessorRussell Frank 161 Revising with Sentence CombiningJerry Juddl63 Two Activities That Encourage Real RevisionTrudy Beck l65

v REVISING FOR CORRECTNESS 166 Some Basics That Really Do Lead to CorrectnessIrene Thomas 166 pa PRACTICAL IDEAS ON REVISING FOR CORRECTNESS 171 Making Correctness Creative: The "Snurdles" ProjectSandra Barnes 171 Teaching Correctness with Competition DayRussell Frank 172 Creative Practice with Sentence PatternsLaurie Opfell 174 BUILDING VOCABULARIES176 Word-Sprouting: A Vocabulary Building Strategy for Remedial Writers Barbara Morton 176

PRACTICAL IDEAS FOR BUILDING VOCABULARIES180 Deceptive Definitions: Making the Dictionary a Treasure ChestMindy Moffatt180 Teaching Vocabulary Through CompetitionMichael O'Brien 181 Verbal Density: Expanding Students' Use of VerbsEvelyn Ching 182 EVALUATION185 Holistic Scoring in the ClassroomGlenn Patchell185

PRACTICAL IDEAS FOR USING HOLISTIC SCORING 188 Prompts and Rubrics for Second Grade TeachersBarbara Farrell Brand 188 Using Visual Prompts for Holistic ScoringPam Burris 192 Holistic Scoring and Peer Rating Groups in the Elemental), ClassroomLois Anderson 193 Holistic Scoring: The Good News and the BadMichael O'Brien 194 Compromising with an Ideal: Rubrics Based on GradesCharles Schiller 195 Primary Trait ScoringVirginia Baldwin 197 EVALUATION TECHNIQUES199 Some Techniques for Oral EvaluationMichael O'Brien199 PRACTICAL IDEAS FOR EVALUATION 200 Teaching Self-evaluation Skills to Student WritersCarol 0. Sweedler-Brown200 The Writing Folder: A System for Responding to Students' WritingJim Hahn 201 Adding an Analytical Commentary to Holistic ScoringCarol Booth Olson204

Selected References205 Literature 20`: Other Sources'06 Publications Abuut Writing206 Index207 Topics207 Authors and Titles of Articles inPractical Ideas210 Authors, Composers, and Works Cited inPractical Ideas 211

8 vi I 1 1

-AIM a Ilk

Ernest Boyer captured, in the most precise words I several stages, including prewriting, drafting, receiving have read on the subject, the idea that writing is at the responses, revising, editing, and postwriting activities, core of all education: "Clear writing leads to clear including evaluation. thinking; clear thinking is the basis of clear writing." By recognizing that students at all levels and abili- Recognizing, as Ernest Boyer does, that learning to ties need to learn the process involved in developing a write clearly has a direct relationship to thinking piece of writing, I also acknowledged the basic tenets clearly, I made the improvement of student writing an of the California Writing Project that Jim Gray has integral part of the educational reform effort in Cali- outlined so well in the introductory section of this fornia. And in identifying good, clear writing as a book. Jim is the director of the Bay Area Writing standard to be achieved in our schools, I asked that Project and the National Writing Project. The tenets the standarl be spelled out in both the Department's also formed the foundation on which ourHandbook Model Curriculum Standards: Grades Nine Through for Planning an Effective Writing Programwas devel- Twelveand in theEnglish-Language Arts Model oped. Curriculum Guide for Kindergarten Through Grade Because of the significant contributions the Hand- Eight. book has made to our reform efforts, I am pleased Those who prepared, the standards for the high that we can offer teachers a companion book filled school level were very supportive of my request, and with practical ideas to use in helping their students they developed this standard: understand better the process described in the Hand- All students will learn that writing is a process that bookthe process through which the act of writing is includes stages called prewriting, drafting, revising, and accomplished. editing. These writing stages include higher leNel think- I congratulate Carol Booth Olson and all of those ing processes, such as convergent and divergent thinking, others who helped her place under one cover so many analysis and synthesis, and inferential and evaluative challenging thoughts regarding the teaching of writing skills. and so many creative approachesso many practical The writers of the guide for ..he elementary school ideasfor helping students learn for themselves that level were equally supportive L: my request. They clear writing does lead to clear thinking. identified the importance of writing to a child's education in several ways, including this one: Students become aware that writing is a means for clarifying thinking and that it is a process which embodies Superintendent of Public Instruction

As a people who value the lessons of history, we must realize thatour very survival depends primarily on our collective abilities to speak and write clearly and precisely and to be understood as we strive to understand others. FROM BILL HONIG'S FOREWORD TO TIIE HANDBOOK FOR PLANNING AN EFFECTIVE WRITING PROGRAM

vii vt

If you are looking for ideas for teaching writing asa specific techniques for teaching one of the stages of ,process at levels of the curriculum, this book was the writing process. I thought it would also be helpful compiled for you. It is a collaborative effort on the for you to hear from classroom teachers who have part of teachers from and consultants to the Univer- implemented the ideas discussed. Therefore, following sity of California Irvine/California Writing Project the description of each technique are commentaries in and special guest contributors. Their articles present which you will find testimonials, applications of writ- some of the most innovative and influential strategies ing techniques at particular grade levels, descriptions for teaching writing that have been presented at our of ways to modify assignments, new ideas which annual Summer Institute on the Teaching of Compo- sprang from an original idea, and variations on a sition. theme. These commentaries are intended for your use The idea for the creation of this manuscript came to as points of departure as you experiment with the me one day when I was trying to figure out sornz way suggested approaches and dc elop your own lesson to organize and gain easy access to the wealth of infor- plans. mation I had accumulated in the large three-ring One of the most rewarding dimensions of the Cali- notebooks (often affectionately referred to as Big fornia Writing Project and the National Writing Proj- Blue) that we spend five weeks filling to capacity dur- ect is the spirit of sharing inherent in the teacher- ing each summer institute. One shelf in my office is teaching-teacher model initiated by James R. Gray, now lined with copies of Big Blue, which is loaded Director of the Bay Area Writing Project, and dis- with techniques that teachers of writing, from kinder- cussed by him as pat t of the introduction to this book. garten through the university, have used successfully You might say that this publication is a product of in their classes. It occurred to me that itwas about that process of sharing that takes place at every writ- time to organize all this material and share it with ing project site. But it is not meant as a replacement teachers who had not had an opportunity to partici- for that process. In fact, we hope it will encourag,e you pate in a writing project or who, like me, need to to become involved in a summer institute Jr other construct a conceptual framework for the ideas they available workshops and conferences in your area. are already familiar with in order to make maximum Take what you can use. Use what you take to supple- use of them. ment what you already know and do well. Make the Because the concept of writing as a process has ideas that are presented your own by adapting them to revolutionized the way that so many of us view the act your unique teaching style and classroom situation. of composing, structure our classes, and design our And discuss them with your colleagues. If, as a result assignments, the stages of that process- prewriting, of your exposure to Practical Ideas for Teaching Writ- writhg, sharing and responding, rewriting, editing, ing as a Process, you come up with an overall and evaluatingseemed like the most logical organi- approach or specific assignment that you would like zation to use for this publication. In each section of to share, send it to me. There is always room for one the book, you will find well-known authors presenting more good idea in Big Blue.

CA ROL BOOT!! OLSON Codirector. UC! Writing Project A

Practical Ideas for Teaching Writing asa Process lishing Practical Ideas. And once James R. Smith, represents the work of many dedicated people over a Deputy Superintendent for Curriculum and Instruc- period of several years. And first we thank all of the tional Leadership, had an opportunity to review the contributing authors whose work appearson the fol- contents of Practical Ideas and to consider its poten- lowing pages. It was your practical and innovative tial for improving the teaching of writing inour ideas for teaching writing and your spirit of sharing schools, he became one of the book's early supporters that made this book a reality. On behalf of all those in the Department of Education. We thank him for teachers who will benefit from your generous contri- that support. butions, we thank you: Henia Alony was the administrative assistant for Lois Anderson, Carl Babb, Virginia Baldwin, Sandra the UCI Writing Project who typed and retyped many Barnes, Trudy J. Beck, Ruby Bernstein, Sheridan Blau, of the 525 pages of the original manuscript and who Rich Blough, Linda Bowe, Joan Bower, Barbara Farrell helped maintain the flow of galley proofs from the Brand, William Burns, Pam Burris, Rebekah Caplan, editorial offices in Sacramento to the 64 authors who Michael Carr, Evelyn Ching, Lynda Chittenden, Mike contributed material to the 1986 edition of the book. Conlon, Laurel Corona, Cathy D'Aoust, Diane Daw- Your help was invaluable, Henia. son, Peter Elbow, Marie Filardo, Russell Frank, Anita As Henia helped in the production of the 1986 edi- Freedman, Patricia Gatlin, Sue Ellen Gold, Jenee Gos- tiun, Christine Emerson, also with the UCI Writing sard, James R. Gray, Jim Hahn, Mary K. Healy, Todd Huck, Charric Hunter, Martha Johnson, Jerry Judd, Project, provided like services during the development Sheila Koff, Erline Krebs, Jim Lee, William Lomax, of the 1987 edition. We are truly grateful foryour Ken Macroric, Elizabeth B. Martinez, Nancy McHugh, help, Chris. Carolyn Mendoza, Mindy Moffatt, Paulette Morgan, We are also indebted to the following publishers, Barbara Morton, Greta Nagel, Michael O'Brien, Carol literary agents, and individuals for granting us per- Booth Olson, Laurie Opfcll, Glenn Patchett, Kathy mission to use copyrighted material from their publi- Pierce, Mark Reardon, Elizabeth Williams Reeves, cations: Charles L. Reichardt, Gabriele Lusser Rico, Judith Sanderson, Charles Schiller, Margaret Serences, Julie Allyn and Bacon, Inc.: A Guidebook for Teaching Crea- Simpson, Dale Sprowl, Susan Starbuck, Carol 0. tive Writing, by Gene Bradford and Marie Smith, Sweedler-Brown, Irene Thomas, Owen Thomas, Norma 0 1981. Tracy, Mary Turner, Karen Walden, and Sue Rader Bay Area Writing Project/National Writing Project: Willett. Showing Writing: A Training Program to Help Stu- dents Be Specific in Writing, by Rebekah Caplan and We extend a special thanks to George Nemetz, the Catharine Keech, 01980. Department of Education's consultant in English who Brandt & Brandt Literary Agents, Inc.: "The Most Dan- recognized how helpful Practical Ideas could be to gerous Game," in Stories, by Richard Connell, 0 1957. those teachers who are willing to try the suggested E. P. Dutton and Co., Inc.: An Introduction to Shake- approach to teaching writing that is presented in the speare, by Marchette Chute, © 1951. awrence Erlbaum Associates, Publishers: "How Chil- Handbook for Planning an Effective Writing Pro- dren Cope with the Cognitive Demands of Writing," gram. He is the person who first convinced the in Writing: Process, Development, and Communica- Department of Education that it should consider pub- tion, by Marlene Scardamalia, 01981.

ix Harcourt Brace Jovanovich, Inc.. "Summer Grass," in molding the text and the graphics into an attractive Good Morning, America, by Carl Sandburg, c 1928, format, she went out and took photographs whencer- 1956; also, A Special Gift, by Marcia L. Simon, tain ones werr needed to illustrate a particular idea in © 1978. the text Her photographs appear on pages 13, 19, 74, Houghton Mifflin Company: The Hobbit, J. R. R. Tol- 117, I2U, and 201. Thank you. Marguerite, for taking kien, 1966. Los Angeles Times: "1904-Thc Forgotten Games," in such a personal interest in making Practical Ideas so the Los Angeles Times, by Grahame L. Jones, 1984. graphically appealing. Toby Lurie; Poem from Conversations and Construc- The photographs provided by David Donnenfield, tions, by Toby Lurie, 197.F. Howard Koppelman, Jonna Ramey, and Carol Wheeler Macmillan Education Ltd.. The Development of Writ- of the Department of Education's Media Services ing Abilities (11-18), by James Britton and others, Unit were used extensively throughout the book, and © 1975. we are most grateful for their use. They appear on National Council of Teachers of English: "Some Tech- pages 5, 6, 22, 46, 53, 54, 56, 59, 60, 70, 78, 92, 98, 103, niques for Oral Evaluation," in the English Journal, 118, 122, 131, 133, 150, 158, 167, 174, 179, 182, 184, by Michael O'Brien, 1982. 186, 192, 196, 197, and 200. Oxford University Press, inc.: Writing Without Teachers, We also thank Pat Chladek, Education Consultant, by Peter Elbow, © 1973; also Errors and Expectations: A Guide for the Teacher of Basic Writing, by Mina P. for his photographs, which appear on pages 24, 37, Shaughnessy, 1977. 140, 142, 157, 165, 187, 193, 194, and 205. Random House, Inc,: The Book of Daniel, by E. L. The other photographers whose work appears in Doctorow, 0 1971. the book follow: Charles Scribner's Sons: "Cat in the Rain," in Short Roy Christian, 137; Leo Cohen, 129; Tom Dunlap, 128; Stories of Ernest Hemingway, by Ernest Hemingway, Gary Fcrrato, 44, 94; Dennis Hearne, 113; Bob Klin- 1938. gensmith, 135, 136; Kenneth S. Lane, 1, 43; Paul Lee, 96; Viking Penguin, Inc.: The Red Pony, by John Stcinbeek, Kazuhiro Tsuruta, 41; and Ron Zacharias, 2, 4. 1966. We thank all of you for making your photographs Russell Frank, English and Journalism Teacher in available to us. the Walnut Valley Unified School District,was not only one of the contributing authors to this book but Finally, we thank all of the staff members of the he was also the principal photographer for the 1986 Bureau of Publications who have taken sucha per- edition, and many of his pictures appear in this edi- sonal interest in the development of Practical : leas. We are most grateful to Janet Lundin for her editorial tion. We are most grateful that he shared somany of help on both editions and especially fu: her painstak- his talents in the development of Practical Ideas. His ing work and that of Ron Zacharias in preparing the photos appear on pages viii, 12, 31-33, 35, 40, 82, 85, 86. 100, 139, 141, 146, 149, 152, 162, 163, 180, and index and the list of references that were added to the 183. 1987 edition. Oftentimes, acknowledgments like these do not include the names of those in sales and distri- Barbara Lyter, a photographer with the University of California, Irvine, was the principal photographer bution units who process orders, promote sales, for the 1987 edition. We are particularly pleased that answer inquiries, and put the books in the mail. But she was able to capture on film the enthusiasm that we want all of you in Cie Bureau of Publications who perform the final and very important work in the pt'b- the authors of Practical Ideas generated for the hundreds of participants at the "Practical Ideas" confer- lishing process to know we love you because you do ence held at the University of California, Irvine, on your work with concern, and you do it so well. Thank you: October 28 and 29, 1986. Ms. Lyter's photographs from that conference appear on pages iii, ix, 7, I I, b, Aurora Briseno, Marilyn Butts, Elan Edmonds, Ray Ito- 17, 26, 33, 38, 47, 51, 65, 68, 73, 81, 87, 99, 105, 107, gawa, Johnnie McRae, Rick Murphy, Don Newmann, 114, 147, 148, 155, 161, 176, 185, 193, 199, and 213. Maria Reynoso, Jerry Tribbey, and Jane Wymore. Like so many associated with the production of this book, Marguerite Wobschall, who is a graphic artist CAROL ROOTH OLSON in the Bureau of Puhiler t.orts, also mademany con- Codirector. UCI Writing halm tributions to the de of both the 1986 and THEODORE R SMITH 1987 editions. In Editor In Chief ,,ning the cover and Col:forma Stale beporunent of Educorson

x The California Writing Project By James R. Gray Director, Bay Area Writing Project The California Writing Project (CWP) is a teacher- The best teachers of teachers are other teachers teaching-teacher program to improve student writing who are believable as consultants, because their in California by improving the teaching of writing in ideas and the specific teaching strategies they California classrooms. Each year nearly 15,000 teach- demonstrate have been developed with real stu- ers from all levels of instruction and all regions of the dents in real classrooms. state participate in a variety of summer and schooi Teachers of writing must, themselves, write. year programs sponsored by the 19 local writing proj- Teachers need to experience regularly what they ects in the statewide CWP network. Each of the proj- are asking of their students, and they need to ects in the network was established on the staff discover and understand, through their own writ- development model of the Bay Area Writing Project ing, the process (of writing) they are teaching. and tied together through a common commitment to a set of key assumptions: Real change in classroom practice happens over time. Effective staff development programs are The universities and the schools must work ongoing and systematicprograms that make it together as partners in a cooperative effort to possible for teachers to come together regularly solve the writing problems common to both lev- throughout their careers to test and evaluate the els. New collegial and nonhierarchical relation- best practices of other teachers. ships among professors, instructors, and teachers are essential; and the top-down tradition of past Effective programs to improve student writing university/ school programs is no longer accept- should involve teachers from all grade levels and able as a staff development model. teachers from all content lreas. The idea of writing as a means of discovery and as a way of learn- While most teachers in the schools have never ing is a compelling idea for teachers across the been adequately trained to teach writing, some curriculum and across grade levels. teachers at all levels have learned, out of necessity, how to teach students to write. Also, they What is known about the teaching of writing have, through trial and error and in the privacy comes not only from research but also from the of their own classrooms, developed effective practice of those who teach writing. approaches to the teaching of writing. These suc- In the summer institutes, which are the best known cessful teachers can be identified. They can be of the many programs sponsored by the local writing brought together through summer institutes and projects, selected teachers are invited to the college trained to teach other teachers of writing in campuses as University Fellows and given modest sti- project-sponsored programs conducted through- pends to cover expenses. These teachers demonstrate out the school year on college campuses and in the specific teaching strategies they have found suc- school districts. cessful with their own students and, typically, involve

wcj1 r) 1 the audience of Fellows as students. The presentations dents, and summer programs open to all teachers who are evaluated not only for their effectiveness as wish to participate in a CWP program. Some sites approaches to writing but also for their effectiveness offer special programs for young writers, parents, and as presentations. For many teachers in the institutes, administrators. Increasingly, the writing project is this is the first time in their careers that they have ever asked to conduct writing-across-the-curriculum work- been asked to present what they know to another shops for whole school faculties. To meet this need, teacher. In addition to making presentations, teachers teachers from the various disciplines who use writing examine research and key texts in the field of written as a means of teaching their subjects are participating composition, work with occasional outside guest in the summer institutes in greater and greater num- speakers, and meet regularly in small editing/response bers. The writing project has also trained teachers in groups to share and examine their own manuscripts scores of districts throughout California in the tech- with one another. The best material is published in an niques of holistic evaluation; as a result, most districts anthology at the close of the institute. in California now require student writing samples in It is an intensive five weeks, but it is only a begin- the proficiency examinations that the Legislature ning. Participation in the California Writing Project requires all California school districts to conduct. does not stop with the summer institute; it continues One outgrowth of the California Writing Project is with regular follow-up programs that include monthly the publications that have increased in number and meetings that bring together summer Fellows from all variety over the years. Most sites distribute quarterly past institutes to continue the experience of the newsletters to their CWP Fellows, and many publish summer institute, meetings of the steering committee, anthologies of student and teacher writing. Following meetings to plan local and statewide conferences, and the lead of the Bay Area Writing Project, still others so forth. The most important follow-up programs are producing monographs and disseminating occa- sponsored by the California Writing Project are the sional papers on some of the best practices in the staff development workshops held throughout the teaching of writing that have originated from their school year in school districts near each CWP site. respective summer institutes. Reflecting a new thrust These workshops are conducted by the teachers of the California Writing Project, the local projects trained in the summer institutes and usually are held are also sharing the results of teacher-initiated class- after school in three-hour sessions spaced throughout room reserarch. the year. The best practices identified in the summer One of the most comprehensive collaborative pub- institute are presented in the workshops to large lication efforts was the development of the California numbers of teachers from the areas served by each of State Department of Education's Handbook for Plan- the 19 sites. It is in these school district workshops ning an Effective Writing Program. Working cooper- and in the variety of other programs sponsored by the atively with personnel from offices of county superin- CWP sites that the California Writing Project achieves tendents of schools and the State Department of the ripple effect that now touches teachers in every Education, representatives from 15 California Writing region of California. Project sites contributed their time and expertise to At least two times a year, the directors and co- the creation of that document. Accordingly, the Hand- directors of the 19 CWP .,ites meet to discuss their book reflects the basic tenets of the California Writing various programs and to explore common concerns. Project: It is at these meetings that all of us involved in the Writing is a tool for learning because it fosters writing project movement in California get a sense of thinking skills. As a learning tool, writing should be encouraged across the curriculum. The teacher is a facilitator of the writing/ learning process by creating an environment that is condu- cive to learning; assigning writing is not the same thing as teaching writing. Teachers of writing must, themselves, write; good teachers are, themselves, learners. its continuing momentum and ever increasing scope. Writing, itself, is a process; the act of transform- Most sites now offer several programs beyond the ing thought into print involves a nonlinear se- summer institutes and the school year follow-up pro- quence of creative acts or stages. grams: programs for teachers of limited-language stu- The goal of instruction in writing is to enable dents, programs for teachers of college-bound stu- students to develop skills in fluency, form, and

2 4 correctness; fluency should be stressed first be- which its articles and commentaries spring, this book cause students must be able to produce text focuses on what works; the authorities are teachers before they can edit it. teaching teachers. The Handbook for Planning an Effective Writing Teachers teaching teachers. That is our formula for Program has reached thousands of teachers in Califor- success. The California Writing Project has worked nia and throughout the nation; thus, widening the rip- because it puts a premium on what is working in the ple effect that begins at the close of each CWP sum- teaching and learning of writing. Its staff development mer institute. The Handbook continues to play an model is not the familiar deficit model that treats important role in setting forth what the essential teachers as if they were diseased, damaged, and in components of an effective writing program are and need of repair. It i:, a model that celebrates good why the stage-process model of composition is such a teaching and enhances the professional status of valuable tool for teaching and learning. Bilding on teachers. Teachers come to these university-based and complementing the efforts of the Handbook, the programs not as students but as colleagues, recog- University of California, Irvine/California Writing nized as authorities in classroom practice, who bring Project's collection of Practical Ideas for Teaching with them a source of knowledge about the teaching Writing as a Process offers a host of "how to" strate- of writing that is uniquely their own. Their commit- gies for implementing the basic tenets of the Califor- ment, enthusiasm, and desire to share is the heart of nia Writing Project. Like the summer institutes from the California Writing Project.

The Handbook for Planning an Effective Writing Pro- gram continues to play an important role in setting forth what the essential components of an effective writing program are and why the stage-process model of composition is such a valuable tool for teaching and learning. JAMES R. GRAY

3 11 1

"We Are All Out-of-Date Scientists": New Language Research Since You Left School By Owen Thomas Professor, English, Linguistics, and Teacher Education, University of California, Irvine; and Codirector, UCI Writing Project In one of S. J. Perelman's books, a character says, of-date in some important ways, and I will suggest a "We are all out-of-date scientists." I would like to few of them. Other contributors to this book will sug- explain what I think the author meant by that and gest other ways, but none of u3 knew about these then to suggest how that meaning relates to teachers important developments until a few years ago. How- of writing. ever, all of us believe that these developments have Mr. Perelman expanded on the statement by saying significant implications for the teaching of compo- that our ideas of science are based on the last course sition. we had in a particular science in school. With a very In the next few paragraphs, I will be concerned with few exceptions, most of us are out-of-date, rather than two subjects. (1) what young children and adolescents up-to-date, concerning recent developm..iits in various know (in some sense) about language; and (2) what fields of science. Even scientists are often out-of-date linguists know (in another sense) about language. in fields not directly related to their own. Physicists, Finally, I will look briefly at a third subjectnamely, for example, are often out-of-date in a field such as what these two kinds of "knowing" imply for the sociobiology. Organic chemists may well be out-of-date teaching of writing. in mathematics. And if this is true for scientists, it is Most of the ideas that I am concerned with result all the more true for most of us who are not working from research in the field of psycholinguistics, and in science every day. particularly in the area of language acquisition. Let us For example, most people assume they have at least start with one of the most important of these ideas. I some idea of the meaning of infinity. Many people will ask a question, and you will believe that you even remember the mathematical symbol for infinity: know the answer. Then I will suggest (as gently as 00. But what most people do not knowunless they possible) that you are out-of-date. have kept up with recent developments in mathe- Here is the q ,estion: What is the primary function maticsis that some infinities are larger than other of language? infinities and that there is, in fact, a subbranch of If you are like most people, you will probably mathematics called the mathematic.: of infinity. answer, "Communication." Approximately ten years The point of the preceding example is this: Often, ago, I would have answered the same way. But we all sometimes think we know a fair amount about research during that time has caused me to change my a particular subject when, in fact, we are out-of-date. answer. Now I believe the primary function of lan- And the fact is that many teachers of writing are out- guage is, in a word, survivaland not simply survival

4 in a social sense. (That is, in the sense that, if you do dren "know." Still, what we have learned is, and I use not speak a standard dialect, you would have diffi- the word with care, awesome. culty surviving in the business world or in some social I must proceed slowly here. Actually, I am trying to situations.) I mean survival as the biologists use the make two points at once, and both are important: term. Consider an analogy with the opposing thumb. First, researchers in language acquisition are con- Humans have thumbs that can rotate so they "op- vinced that a child entering school has already pose" the fingers. This opposition permits us to grasp acquired (biologically) an enormous quantity of thingsto hold toolswhich has helped us survive by linguistic knowledge, particularly syntactic knowl- enabling us to develop such things as agriculture. In edge. brief, the opposing thumb enhances the ability of the Second, linguists are still very far away from de- individualand the speciesto survive in the physi- scribing, in any complete way, the precise nature cal world. of this knowledge. Most researchers now believe that the same thing is true of language. Because we have language, we can As an example of syntactic knowledge, consider name things, express relationships between things, de- one use of do in English. There are certain questions, velop concepts of cause and effect, and so on. And all called tag questions, that sometimes require do and this precedes the use of language in communication sometimes do not: with others. The case of Helen Keller is illustrative here. In the Statement Related tag question sense that I am now using the term language, Helen 1. This is interesting. This is interesting, isn't it? Keller had language long before she learned to com- 2. You can swim. You can swim, can't you? municate with Anne Sullivan. Miss Keller was, in fact, 3. The boy ate the hamburger. The boy ate the hamburger, using her language to help her survive. In a loving and didn't he? supportive way, Miss Sullivan was finally able to help Miss Keller relate this language to English. But this The rule for the use of do, does, and did in such factthe important factis that the survival lan- questions is rather complex. It relates to whether the guage came first. This helps to explain why people are main verb in the statement is a form of be, and if it is often apprehensive when wewell-meaning English not, to whether there is an auxiliary verb in the state- teacherstry to change their language. (I will return ment. My point, here, is this: Without ever receiving to this subject, briefly, below.) formal instruction in the use of do, most five-year-old children know when to use an appropriate form of do Once we accept the idea of language as survival, we can more easily accept another, perhaps startling, in a tag question. This is but one example out of idea: The acquisition of language is primarily a thousands that I could cite of a child's syntactic knowl- biologicalrather than an intellectualprocess. That edgehence, my earlier use of the word awesome. is, most researchers now believe that the ability to acquire language is passed on through the DNA molecule. There is, in fact, evidence that children as young as 12 hours old have begun the process of acquiring language. Once we accept this idea, we can more readily understand several important conclusions that are derived from the idea: First, no language is inherently more difficult 4 more complexthan any other language. .4r,,'I'aili'l.11111110111 Second, any child can learn any language as a native languagegiven the proper circumstances. The second point is equally important. Although most linguists agree that the amount of knowledge e Third, the acquisition of language does not de- possessed by a child is vast, they do not agree on a pend, in any way, on formal instruction. Con- description of that knowledge. They do not even agree trary to what many people think, we do not teach on such fundamental questions as the basic word language to children. Rather, they learn language order of an English sentence. Some say English is a biologically and, for the most part, effortlessly. subject-verb-object (SVO) language. Others say SOV. For the past 15 years, linguists have been trying to Still others say VSO. describe what it is that children (and adults) know Both these points relate to the teaching of writing. when they know a language. The task is far from over. As a teacher once said to me after I had made the first We have just begun to be able to describe what chil- point (and supported it with considerably more evi-

5 dence than I have room for here), "Then our job is not their writing skills. Some things, however,are clear: to get language into the head of a child. Our job is to The starting point in the teaching of writing must get it out." (The teacher said this to me almost ten be the teacher's belief that children possess the years ago. It sums up my point so succinctly that I requisite linguistic knowledge. have been quoting her frequently since then.) In brief, I believeand I want to state this as Teachers need to use every possible means to give strongly as possiblethat any teacher of writing must their students confidence in their linguistic knowl- accept, as fact, the conclusion that school-age children edge. (Children who believe that they "don't possess an extraordinary wealth of linguistic knowl- know any grammar" are children who also be- edge. The question, then, is this: How do we get this lieve they "can't write.") knowledge "out" in the form of writing? "Getting language out" is a process, and teachers Much of this book is devoted to suggesting ways of of writing must have an intimate knowledge of getting the knowledge out, so I will not list these ways this process. The best way of gaining this kind of here. Rather, I will turn again to the second point. knowledge is in actual writing. We know less about the nature of linguistic knowl- edgeabout grammar, if you willthan we do about I have discussed the first two of the preceding the structure of the atom. This means, among many points already. The third point requires some com- other things, that since we do not _know the true ment. In every writing project that comes under the nature of grammar, we do not know of any way to use umbrella of the California Writing Project, the Pro- grammar when we are teaching children to write. At ject Fellows spend a considerable amount of time this point, you may be asking yourself, "But what writing and discussing each other's writing. This writ- about parts of speech, what about diagramming, what ing, in fact, is the cornerstone of the project. Usually, about defining compound and complex sentences?" at the beginning of a project, the majority of Fellows The facts, as briefly as possible, are these. Tradi- think the writing segment is only a minor part of the tional grammarthat is, of the sort most widely project. The major part, they think, will be the sugges- taught in schools todayis an extremely inaccurate tions they receive on how to teach. But by the end of description of English. Most people's knowledge of the project, the great majority of Fellows see the writ- the system of English is as out-of-date as their knowl- ing segment as the single most important part. They edge of infinity. Moreover, research dating back more have experiencedin a very personal wayboth the than 50 years, and frequently reconfirmed since then, hardships and the rewards of writing. They know, indicates that a knowledge of traditional grammar personally, that writing is seldom fun, seldom easy, bears no relation to writing ability. Even more signifi- and they also know that it can be extremely satisfying. cantly, recent research into brain hemispheres (right When they discussed writing before taking part in and left brains) indicates that the formal study of one of the California Writing Projects, the Project grammar (a left-brain activity) actually inteferes with Fellows would talk about dangling modifiers, spell- writing fluency (principally, right-brain activity). ing, subject/ verb agreement, and so onall things In summary, we know that most children have lin- that relate to the end product. After the project, they guistic knowledge adequate to the skill of writing, but are much more inclined to talk about the process we do not yet know of any way to use a formal de- rather than the product of writing. Having shared scription of this knowledge to help children develop their writing with other Fellows, they are vastlymore sensitive to what a writer's real needs are. Having listened to criticismssome positive, some negative--of their own writing, they are better able to make helpful criticisms of a student's writing. It is through experiences like these that the Fellows come to appreciate to experiencethe fact that language is more than C just communication. Language is associated with our sense of self, and ultimately, with survival. In summary, in the out-of-date way of teaching writing we once subscribed to, we thought it necessary to put language into students' heads. Actually, the time we spent trying to do that was time we did not spend in real writing, in getting the language out. And it is to the taskand the joyof teaching real writing that my fellow contributors to this book now askyou to turn.

6 8 Teaching Writingas a Process By Cathy D'Aoust Codirector, UCI Writing Project

I was introduced to the concept of writing asa pro- late the flow of ideas before any structured writing cess several years ago at a composition conference at begins. Writing arises out of a sense of having some- the University of California, Irvine. At that time, I thing to communicate. Any exercise which stimulates was teaching compositionnot very successfully the writer's inner voice to seek verbalization is a pre- and found that the idea of writing as a process writing activity. Brainstorming, clustering, debating, afforded me a new perspective and had tremendous freewriting, and fantasizing are a few of the infinite implications for classroom teaching. I immediately possibilitie,.Prewriting activities generate ideas; they revised my curriculum and began to see my students encourage a free flow of thoughts and help students improve as writers. What I have provided in thisessay discover both what they want to say and how to is a general description of the stages of the writing communicate it on paper. In other words, prewriting process and a discussion of the significance of this activities facilitate the planning for both the prod,:.ct process for both the teacher and student. Subsequent and the process. sections of this book will offer practical ideas for With a desire to communicate, students move to the teaching the various stages in the writing process at all next stage, writing. They allow their ideas to take levels of the curriculum. shape by putting words to paper. However, the writers When writers and linguistic researchers describe may lack any conscious awareness of what they specif- writing as a process, they are attempting to describe ically want to communicate. Writing then becomes a the incredibly complex system of transforming thought discovery on the conscious level. This movement of an into written communication. This description has had idea to the conscious leve; allows for spontaneity and a significant impact on the composition teacher whose creativity and must not be impeded by concerns over demand for a product has been replaced by a concern correctness. Writing is simplified as the writers let go for the series of stages, both focused and unfocused, and disappear into the act of writing. As Sondra Perl conscious as well as unconscious, which make up the says in her article, "Understanding Composing" (Col- writing process. It has meant utilizing the stage- lege Composition and Communication, Deomber, process modelprewriting, writing, sharing/respond- 1980), "Writing is a process of coming into being." ing, revising, editing, and evaluatingas a teaching Having expressed themselves, the students move to tool to faciliate student writing. To do so, the composi- the next stage called sharing. Writing can be a very tion teacher has had to reassess his or her goals and lonely process; some of the difficulty in writing comes determine how to marry his or her process as a teacher from the fact that itis one-way communication. with that of the student writer to improve the ultimate Unlike speech, a writer's words often go untested. The product. writers use their own reactions to their words for The stage-process model begins by focusing on primary feedback. Frequently, writers become so prewriting. Prewriting activities are :esigned to btimu- engrossed in what they are saying that it is impossible

0 7 surround the words." Student writers go backward to discover what they said and move forward to elaborate on it. The impulse to revise could occur at any time. gic*fvf fr .0,0** After addressing meaning, writers focus on correct- 010e ness. This next stage in the writing process is editing, u-000. -.01creiigyel#000:stages, the imposing of correctness. Editing is a focused, delib- 4,404***tlr erate, grammatical concern. The writers continue to rework their papers by adding and deleting and by correcting punctuation, spelling, and grammar. In keeping with the purpose of their work, the writers conform to the standards of written English. to distinguish between what they want to say and During this altering and refining phase, the teacher what they said. Given a chance to share with others, will be called on to use his or her linguistic expertise. student writers gain a sense of the power of their Appropriately, the composition teacher addresses words to impact others. They gain a sense of audience, grammar when it is relevant. Rather than using arbi- a significant trusted other, who will be influenced by trary grammar and punctuation exercises, the teacher the words of the writer. It is not unusual at this phase is able to draw on the students' own writing to illus- for writers to discover an incongruity between the trate polishing techniques. Within that context, the purpose and the effect of their writing; writers may writers utilize and increase their knowledge of the have intended to communicate a specific idea but, structure of the language to improve communication. through the feedback of peers, learn that they did not It is imperative during the focused, more conscious do so. Then writers are at liberty to revise or possibly phases of the writing process that students have a reassess their intention. clear sense of how their writing will be evaluated and Besides providing an audience and reactions to the by whom. The teacher and students must be in agree- writing, sharing generates enthusiasm about writing. ment regarding the standards that will be used for Writers are inspired by effective student models to evaluating writing. Evaluation, the next stage in the improve their own communication. Moreover, in writing process, is simply the final feedback for the responding to the writing being shared by others, wri- student writers and usually comes in the form of a ters gain a clearer sense of what distinguishes effective grade. Often, there is a discrepancy between the crite- from ineffective writing. Once the students have dis- ria used by the teacher and the students for evalua- covered that they can write, the instructor can now tion. If a letter grade is a surprise, the writing process teach revising and editing skills because the student is flawed. This generally happens when a teacher sets writers will not only need them but will also request the standards for evaluation, often with an undue them. emphasis on correctness, either without adequately Revising, then, is a re-viewing of the writing in light communicating the standards to the class or with little of the feedback. It is a reworking of the composition or no input from the students. on both semantic and lexical levels; the writers are Dialogue between the teacher and the student writ- concerned not only with the words they have chosen ers concerning evaluation also allows the teacher to express their ideas but also with how these words more options. Optimally, the students should be able work together. The student writers scratch out, mark to assess their own papers. However, if the teacher over, add, rephrase, and reorder to make their words assesses the writing, the students should have input. consistent with the intended meaning. It is a focused One effective technique for this is to have the writers and conscious manipulation of words. Changes may attach statements to their papers in which they give be in words, ,,hrases, sentences, paragraphs, or in the the criteria they would like used in assessing their total composition. work. The writers and teacher then have complemen- Revision actually can occur at any time during the tary roles in the writing process. writing process because of the recursive nature of the As the teacher facilitates the students' writing pro- act of composing. Sondra Perl further explains that cess, it becomes apparent that the writing stages over- writing is not simply a linear process but a "forward- lap and sometimes compete for the students' atten- moving action that exists by virtue of a backward- tion. Student writers do not simply move linearly moving action." Writers put words to a page and from procedure to procedure. Their own recursive immediately go back to see what they have created. inner processes dictate the sequence. Rarely do stu- Sondra Perl contends that writers not only go back to dents inhibit themselves while writing from spontane- bits of discourse but also return to their notion of the ously editing, revising, and sharing. The stages are topic as well as to the "nonverbalized perceptions that ongoing, and with the guidance of the instructor, stu-

8 20 dent writers are able to direct their attention while still acquire the expertise to clarify that uviiimunication. acknowledging the demands of their innerprocesses. The teacher facilitates all this and takes satisfaction in (See Figure 1for an illustration of this conceptual watching the writing of students im -ove. In orier to model.) help students discover their indiviG 'al writing pro- The result of structuring a composition course cesses, the teacher may have to restructure the class- around the concept of writing as a process is that room and constantly reevaluate his or her tole as a student writers come to understand that they have writing teacher. The result of this is that the teacher ideas to express, that they can find words to commu- will probably feel better about being a teacher/ facili- nicate those ideas, that others are interested in what tator of writing primarily because his or her students they hove to say, and finally that they have or can are becoming much better writers.

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Gabriele Rico, an English and Creative Arts Professor How Do You from California State University, San Jose. I definitely use my right-brain integration periodically to Really Write? sense the whole, constantly moving back and forth in some kind of recursive process between brain func- By Susan Starbuck tion: to shape and order my material. English Teacher, Jordan High School, Personally, I start the writing process with brain- Long Beach Unified School District; storming to sense the whole patter'but my exper- and Teacher/Consultant, UCI Writing Project ience of brainstorming is not linear just because I jot words in lines on a page. By the time I do an outline, Note: The following is a letter I wrote to a maeague atmy however, my thinking is very linear and left-brain. high school after I attended the 1981 UCI Writing Project's Yet, long ago, I learned to transcend outlines, to let summer institute. things happen in some sort of natural way as I wrote, and to ignore or change the outline as I wrote. Further- Dear Sheila: more, I figured out tl.ut rewriting meant more than How do you really write? I don't mean how do you changing the words and correcting the grammar; it teach how to write, but how do you actually do it? If meant deleting, adding, rearranging, and substituting this question were your essay assignment, how would as much as a page of what I had written or scrapping you approach it? Would you write an outline? Or the entire beginning. Consequently, I am writing this would something else happen first? At what point letter in stages that hardly resemble what I teach. would you develop a thesis? Do you have it developed I still haven't been able to form an outline of what I before the first draft? When do you revise thepaper: want to say to you because that outline is emerging as you go or after you finish a draft completely? When during the self-discovery of writing. But I know from do you correct the grammar and diction? Evenmore experienCe that I will be able to outline this letter important, whom do you write for? Who isyour audi- when I finish because I have a firmly "acquired"sense ence? What would you say to me thatyou wouldn't of the form of written language. say to another teacher? This summer I learned a more accurate process The UCI Writing Project came through forme after model to teach to students than I. had been using. This all, so I've just spent five weeks thinking about these model more closely parallels my actual writing pro- issues. But I haven't been observing the end product cess and helps students help each other to "acquire" of a writing assignment and analyzing what the stu- written language skills through meaningful, social dents can and cannot do. Instead, I have been writing interaction. The model is circular rather than linear againgetting in touch with the whole scope of writ- and is often recursive in nature. I know through ing, not just the expository essays I have been doing observations of the writing group I participated in for graduate school. In so doing I have "acquired,"a thaL recursiveness, going back to move forward, will key word in the Writing Project, a new view of teach- begin to happen as 1 by-product of interaction. The ing writing. I understand what weare doing well and new model looks like this: why, and I can suggest how we can do it better.

I have been teaching writing in these steps: brain- dalr------o...--- storm, formulate a thesis, outline, write, rewrite. I :rewriting Writing present this as a linear process. I tell students that they may abandon their outline in the process of writing or that the rewrite might look very different from the Evaluating Sharing original draft; but I don't think many of them hear me, and now I think I wasn't really sure what I was saying. k 1 The process I just described is very left-brain. EditingN11.Rewriting Indeed, I do many left-brain functions as I workon a paper. But the truth is I do not get my original ideas And it's all leading to the development of three types from the left brain, as I realized when I listened to of composing skills: fluency, form, and correctness.

10 2 I end the hour with a few tips for revising what they ,*-004.fs wentdeleting, wrote. I suggest that they focus on something special about the person: hobbies or skills, an unusual back- ###h # a, ground, or future goals. And, of course, if they discov- f,1004 ItiottOn ered the other student was making a fortune bygrow- qr.:P*04'0o *ire ing mushrooms in a closet,it would not hurt to cbosifuji4 mention that also. ilAS:O.STARlit) e The next day I asked for volunteers to read their papers. There are always a few who will, and they are usually writers of lively papers. The students enjoy I can't wait to get back to the classroom and imple- hearing about others in the class, and it gives mea ment what I've learned. I know that my new perspec- chance to comment on the papers' strengths as well as tive on the writing process will definitely influencer. point out how each writer has a sense of stylean teaching. I'm anxious to see how this will affectmy individual voice. I conclude by telling the students students. I'll keep you posted on how things go. In the that in writing about the interview, they have gone meantime, why not discover how you really write by through each phase of the writing process: collecting writing me back! information, organizing ideas, writing, sharing, revis- Love, ing, and editing. They have also learned how important it is to be accurate in their efforts to create a vivid, yet honest, impression of their fellow students. ...ALart/ I have used this assignment with high school students, undergraduates, and with teachers in a graduate seminar, and I have always been pleased by what it accomplishes. It minimizes the dread of writing and feelings of inadequacy. It gets students talking, laughing, and sharing their writing efforts. It isa good way InterviewsA Good Way for the teacher to get to know the class and an enjoy- to Get Started able way to introduce the writing process. By Martha Johnson Academic Skills Center, San Diego State University; Codirector, Cooperative Writing Program; and Teacher/Consultant, San Diego Area Writing Project Introducing Teachers to the Concept Two years ago at the beginning of the semester, I of Writing as a Process asked students to interview each other and hoped it would help to establish a relaxed atmosphere for writ- By Sue Rader Willett ing. Interviewing one another did. It immediately got English Teacher, Capistrano Valley High School, them talking and writing, and much to my delight, it Capistrano Unified School District; introduced the writing process as well. I have used this and Teacher/Consultant, UCI Writing Project assignment in all my classes with considerablesuccess Practice what you preach! Those few simple words ever since. have to be one of the most irritating, guilt-inducing, Students are asked to interview someone sitting challenging, hackneyed, andbegrudgingly, I admit near them. Each student is given five minutes to ask wisest adages I know. They have certainly taunted and questions and jot down notes about the other stu- guided me through many personal dilemmas, class- dent's background and interests before reversing roles room lessons, and, oddly enough, in-service work- for another five minutes. Then they have 15 minutes shops for colleagues, administrators, and lay people. to organize a rough draft from their notes. Finally, In fact, I consciously work to practice what we, the they read their drafts to their partners for reactions teacher/consultants from the LC! Writing Project, and suggestions so that misconceptions can be cor- enthusiastically preach and teach. Much of our ap- rected and information can be addedor deleted. The proach to the teaching of writing boils down to five critical aspect of this partnership is that the listeners tenets: are vitally interested in what they are hearing. They do 1. Teachers of writing should, themselves, write so not automatically say, "That's fine," because they are that they are in touch with their own writing listening to something about themselves. abilities.

11 2. Students should experience audiences other than 2. Prewriting activity the teacher as assessor. Other audiences include a. While the popcorn is popping and the aroma is self, peer, and teacher as a partner in learning. permeating the entire room, ask the participants to 3. Peer response groups can lessen the load of cor- begin clustering the word popcorn. Direct them to recting papers and yet ensure that the students include any experiences they connect with popcorn. get ample writing experiences and constant feed- b. Serve the popcorn while they cluster. Taste will back. spark more ideas. 4. Students should be involved in the evaluation c. You may wish to use an overhead projector or process. chalkboard to record (cluster) their words, as 5. Teachers should stress the written product less shown in Figure 2. and emphasize writing as a process more. 3. Writing activity a. Inform the students that they should begin writing when they feel ready and believe they have clus- Writing is,indeed, one of tered enough. A prompt might be: the most tomplekire &Hee- Write a short personal reminiscence that involves ..tual and emotional pro-. popcorn. cesses a person engages in. b. Explain that what they write will be read and eval- 'SUE RADERWILLETT uated by others for content and any other attributes you wish to include. c. Write with them if possible. Many will be nervous, and your openness will help. 4. Postwriting activity Those basic statements of philosophy can easily be a. After a few minutes of writing, ask them to finish translates into an in-service training design. up and quickly reread for minor editing. Stress Planning in-service training program to intro- that papers are to be read as first and very rough duce the concept of writing as a process is very much drafts. like planning any lesson, meeting, or composition. b. Ask each participant to record the last four digits One begins by forming a clear idea of the audience to of his or her telephone number at the top of the be addressed and the message to be communicated. page and to title the piece. Once these two items have been defined, one has to c. Conduct a "read around" for evaluation. (See the create a procedural plan for presenting the writing section on read-around groups, which appears process. later in the book, for a description of this tech- I believe that it is imperative to "hook" your audi- nique.) Direct the readers to jot down the numbcrs ence within the first few seconds of your in-service of the papers they most enjoyed. d. After all the papers have been read, ask the partic- training workshop, and the easiest and most effective ipants to share the numbers of the papers they way to do that is to immediately involve them on a enjoyed. Record the numbers on a chart or chalk- very personal level. What is a better way of doing that board, and positively reinforce those whose num- than writing? bers appeared. "The Popcorn Reminiscence," which I have used as 5. Establishing closure and directing the participants to an opening for in-service training, is a simple exercise take a short break in sensory/descriptive and narrative writing. (A little a. During the break encourage the participants to exposition might work itself in here and there, too.) discuss the experience they shared. Save the theory and research for later. Begin with an experience, such as the one for "The Popcorn Remi- niscence" outlined below:

THE POPCORN REMINISCENCE I.Planning the experience (to be completed before the in-service training begins): a. Assemble the popcorn popper, popcorn, butter, salt, oil (preferable for olfactory impact), serving utensils, and napkins. b. Pop or purchase enough prepared popcorn to serve the participants. c. Set up your equipment and utensils near a working electrical outlet. Fig. 2. The Clustering of Popcorn

12 24 b. You may wish to join in informally or take this time to collect your thoughts or clean up thepop- corn arca. After your audience has written and has immersed , themselves in the very activity we so quickly demand ). of our students, they will be open to a fresh "'Lew of the II«t) complexity of the writing process vv;th all its cognitive and affective variables. Marlene Scardamalia reminds us how complex the task of written composition is: . "The proposition that it is theoretically impossible to ar. -, 1'

learn to write has the ring of truth," says Peter Elbow [in warir-% 1.1, Writing Without Teachers, 1973, page 135]. Too many interdependent skills are involved, and all seem to be Remind your audience that writing is a recursive prerequisite to one another. To pay conscious attention process, and even though we may logically delineate to handwriting, spelling, punctuation, word choice, syn- its various stages, they do not occur ina nice, neat, tax, textual connections, purpose, organization, clarity, orderly fashion. In fact, they often happen all atonce rhythm, euphony, and reader characteristics would seem- or out of sequence. Writing is, indeed, one of the most ingly overload the information processing capacity of complex intellectual and even emotional processesa the best intellects? person engages in, and it draws from the left and right Every practicing writer intuitively knows that. We hemispheres of the brain. While the process model must reinforce that knowledge and use it wisely. Your outlined above is certainly not a perfect description of audience knows that writing, good writing, isextreme- the writing activity, it does serve as a very effective ly difficult to achieve. Yet, they must be madeaware teaching design, one that is readily understood by that it can be done in a much less than chaotic, hit-or- children and adults. (For more informationon the miss fashion that many teachers practiceforwant of process, see the Department of Education's Hand- better training and information. book for Planning an Effective Writing Program.) Therefore, it is helpful to explain the writingpro- After discussing the writing process generally and cess at this point in your presentation. It may include emphasizing the complexity of thought and the stages these stages: of the process, you might want to establish that 1. Prewriting: Brainstorming, collecting material, teachers of writing can systematically work to im- and giving data from which an assignment is prove writing based on the three goals of fluency, written (clustering, lecture, experience, discus- form, and correctness, as defined below: sion, and so forth). Fluency: Authentic voice, facility with words and 2. Precomposing: The assignment is given, anda phrasing, ability to be spontaneous, a "mature" writing plan is formulated (mapping, outlining, or appropriate vocabulary, a sense of pacing and so forth). Form: Logical development, adequate transition, 3. Writing: Ideas from prewriting andprecompos- use of supporting details, variation of sentence ing are developed and given form inverse or prose. structure 4. Sharing: Writing is shared with others (partner Correctness: Using the conventions of written or group) for positive feedback or suggestions English (spelling, punctuation, grammar) and for revision. departing from them only for a valid reason 5. Rewriting: Based on the feedback received in the We must work to refine and practice the goals of sharing step, additions and deletions are made fluency, form, and correctness in our lessons and in on paper. our personal writing. I believe it would be safe to 6. Evaluation: The writing is scoredon the basis of assume that these are the same goals even the most a rubric, a list of desirable qualities a paper is respected and prolific writers seek to perfect. measured against (formal or informal). As much as we would like to believe that writing 7. Rewriting and reevaluation: This is an optional can be perfected, I am not certain that it can be. Cer- step that may be used as many as necessary. tainly, the "greats" come close. Blasphemous as itmay sound, consider that William Shakespeare, Alexander 'Marlene Scardamalia, "How Children Cope with the Cognitive De- Pope, Samuel Johnson, Thomas Hardy, Raymond mands of writing,"in Writing Process, Development and Communica- Chandler, D. H. Lawrence, Ernest Hemingway, Carl tion,Vol. 2 ofWriting: The Nature, Development, and Teaching of Writ. ten Communication,Edited by Carl H. Frederiksen and Joseph F. Sandburg, Henry David Thoreau, and all the other Dominic. Hillsdale, N. J.. Lawrence Eribaum Associates, Publishers, great writers still needed to refine certain aspects of 1981, p. 81. Used by permission of the publisher. these goals. And although our students and we writers

13 b. Generate ideas that may not be specific to the phaript The reraltof structuringu composition but that foster higher levels of critical thinking. c. Provide for theNisuai, auditory, kinesthetic, or expe- course arioundihe concept, of writing as a riential needs of the students and the thinking and process is that student writers come to writing skills they are being called on to use. understand that they have ideas to express. 2. Prompt CATHY DZOUST a.Write specific directions for the task. b.Tell what is required in terms of fluency, form, and correctness. certainly produce works that are far from perfect, we c.Explain what is cxpcctcd in the content of the final face the same task and the same problems as they piece of writing. didstep by step by step. Great writing maybea long d.Remember: The more specific the prompt and the way off, but good writing could be right around the clearer the criteria for evaluation, the better able the corner. Just remember, Johnny can and does write student will be to respond appropriately. with the proper guidance. \'our in-service training can c.Reveal to students the criteria for evaluation. There make a difference to Johnny's teacher if you plan it are to be no secrets or mysteries about how the writ- with a philosophy in mind, involve your audience as ing will judged. writers, present a systematic approach to teaching, 3. Prccomposing and, of course, practice what you preach. a. Structure activities and experiences to help students generate ideas specific to the prompt. b. Include many and various activities. c. Aid students in developing a writing plan. d. Provide models of what is expected of them. 4. Writing a. Allow them time to think. he Demonstration Lesson b. Stress fluency. c. Specify guidelines in prccomposing and again in writing to assist students in composing a first draft, By Paulette Morgan d. Remove as many constraints and stress factors as English Teacher, El Monte High School, possible by providing adequate input in prewriting El Monte Union High School District; and prccomposing. and Teacher/Consultant, UCI Writing Project 5. Sharing a. Plan how the students will read and comment on one The day before the principal arrives for evaluation another's writing. is not the best time to begin writing lessons. A few b. Provide a list of guide questions and comments to phrases scribbled in a planning book are not adequate direct students in their responses. either. I used to think I could carry every detail of the c. Decide what the role of the teacher will be in the lesson in my brain ready to be tapped at a moment's sharing process. notice, but now I know a better way. The clearest, 6. Revising most specific understanding of the lessons I teach are a. Explain how responses can be used to reassess the those spelled out specifically in a format that includes quality of the students' own work. all the details of what is to be taught. Not only do the b. Provide models. students understand more clearly what is expected of c. Allow them time to rewrite. them, but I also have a firmer grasp of my subject. I 7. Editing also have lessons to trade, to reuse, and to spark new a. Specify and reinforce the requirements of the correct- lessons. ness from the prompt. The following includes a lesson for the teacher 8. Evaluating about writing lessons and a lesson for students model- a. Decide on the method to be used to judge the writing. ing the lesson for the teachers. Both are based on the b. Specify and reinforce the requirements of the prompt. concept of writing as a process. c. Judge and evaluate. 9. Postwriting Lesson objective: The teacher will write a lesson that fosters both thinking and writing skills. a. Plan what will be done with the writing next (displayed, used as learning tool, shared with another 1. Prewriting audience). a. Construct activities and experiences that lead students to value the writing process and to have confi- In the following lesson, "I Am a Scallop," -...eria dence in themselves as writers. are presented for designing lessons according to the

14 26 writing process. Use the lesson as a model for develop- 4. What do you look like? What size are you? Are youa ing lessons of your own, male or a female? How do you meet others like yourself? How long do you live? I AM A SCALLOP 5. What creatures would be likely to eat you? How does such a predator get you out of the shell? How do you Lesson: In this lesson, you will be asked to assume thepersona of protect yourself? a creature living in a sea shell and to write a first person narrative. You will need to imagine, illustrate, sequence, and apply research Share lists in response groups. Ask response partners for material in order to tell a story. ideas and information you might add to your list. PREWRITING WRITING Visit a tide pool or marine museum. Experience the land, Write a rough draft of the story following the guidelines sea, air, and the total environment with classmates and of the prompt. Do not be con,-erned with form or correctness. instructor. Ask questions of, and discuss experiences with, SHARING others. Examine a variety of sea shells. Compare size, color, Use this checklist to respond to writing in your response groups: structure, texture, and appearance. List the characteristics of one shell you have chosen that 1. Is there vivid detail about the creature and its shell? distinguishes it from the other shells. Use all fivesenses. Put a star at the beginning of each sentence that shows Draw a picture of the shell you have chosen. Color it as detail. accurately as your skills permit. 2. Does the writer describe the environment so you can see a picture of it in your mind? Underline sentences PROMPT that make you picture the scene. Imagine you are a creature living in a seashell. Writea 3. Based on what was written, do you fully understand story about a day in your life. Describe yourself and your what it is like being this creature? If so, write a posi- shell in vivid, colorful language. Describe thearea in which tive comment on the paper. If not, write a suggestion you live. Tell about and describe the other creatures and about how the writer could make the story more plants that live there. Explain how you get food and what understandable or better. you eat. Illustrate a typical predator and what might 4. Did the description of the predator and what it might happen to you if you became the victim. Demonstrate how do make you want to avoid it? If so, write "UCK!" at you would protect yourself. Make the story informative as the beginning of the story. well as dramatic, especially when you are protecting yourself. 5. Is the story organized so that it reads smoothly and Criteria for judging the writing will be postedon the does not jump from one item to another? Does the board for the period of time you are writing. story have closure? If so, write "SMOOTHIE" at the top. If not, write suggestions that might improve the organization or closure. .Titecknostlegsons: aye REVISING spell,eifin# specifically in d'' Write a second draft of the story and incorporate the format AntineitideS,411 suggestions and comments made by response partners. Rework and revise the parts that need improvement. 'details of 4111_00$10'itg EDITING

PAOLETTEllORGAN: Each student must read two other stories for correctness. Your story must be read by two others for correctness. Pay particular attention to spelling, punctuation, sentence structure, and organization. Write a final copy, double spaced, and in your best PRECOMPOSING handwriting (or typed). Add a title and submit it for evaluation. Look up, in an encyclopedia, information about thecreature you will be. Read the entry and list specific details EVALUATION about biologic and environmental factors you would bea Use the following guide for judging the stories. (This can part of. be done by the teacher, students, or a combination of both.) Make a list of answers to the following questions foruse during your writing: 5 = Rich in detail and description that makes the reader picture the creature, the shell, its life, and the predator. Story is told 1. What does your environment look like? What other in first person with few or minor errors in correctness. plants and animals live there? 3 = Adequate story, few or bland descriptions, but significant 2. In what areas of the ocean would you live? How far problems with correctness and structure. Consistent point under the surface would you live? of view in story. 3. What do you eat? How do you get your food? How do 1 = Sketchy details, poor organization, serious problems with you travel around? structure and correctness. Shifts in point of view.

15 talking off the top of my head, and jotting down ideas 14 ?Ring Students on the overhead projector. But they get used to this Through the activity rather quickly. Thereisvalue in having Thinking-Writing Process students see raw words scrawled on the page, the first 1 draft being illuminated by the light of the overhead projector. By Jerry Judd Here is a partial list of questions to ask yourself English Teacher, Irvine High School, when starting this self-talk, self-questioning, metacog- Irvine Unified School District; nitive technique: and Teacher/Consultant, UCI Writing Project What do I want to write about? I have always been a believer in writing with my What do I know about this subject? students, becoming a partner in learning, and engaging What essential knowledge do Ilack about this in a true dialogue with them about the writing and subject? learning that are occurring in my classroom. To begin What do I want to say about this subject? this process,Idirect students through prewriting How will I organize my piece? activities to help them generate ideas, give them the Who is my audience? prompt to guide them, and provide precomposing What effect do I want to have on my audience? activities to aid them in translating their thoughts into How do I get from the beginning of this piece to print. Then the writing begins. At this point, I used the end? to sit at my desk and observe some students writing The only ground rule during this process is that no successfully, some sitting puzzled, not exactly sure one can interrupt me or ask questions. I admit, at what to do next, and others staring at the ceiling, first, this is a frightening thing to put myself through. blank page, or at the scrawling hand of the person Some teachers may want to forego my ground rule next to them. and elicit comments and suggestions from the class SinceIhave been exposed to the concept of if they get stuck. It is valuable, though, for teachers metacognition, I have become aware of how important to become stuck in their thinking. Perhaps this is the it is to model my own thinking and writing process best pedagogical tool of all. For it is here that students as my students are engaged in the act of composing. are able to see the difficulty of the writing process, Metacognition, in its simplest sense, can be defined even for the teacher of writing. "Let's see how he gets as thinking about thinking. It is a conscious moni- himself out of this one," I can almost hear a student toring of one's own thinking process. It could be the think as he leans back in his chair against the back ability to realize that you do not understand something wall. another person just said. It could be paraphrasing I go through this self-questioning; thinking aloud aloud what someone has just told you to determine process while the students listen, get ideas, and then whether he will agree that that is, in fact, exactly what begin their own drafts. Ialso do a similar process was meant. It could be the realization that someone during the revision and editing stages of the writing does not know enough about a particular subject to process. I do this with my writing as an example and write effectively about it and needs to gather more also with students' drafts. Sometimes, students will information before beginning to write. I have found take my place and sit in the "writer's chair" at the that one of the most valuable uses of metacognition is overhead projector and think and write before their as a tool for self-questioning. Rarely, if ever, have classmates. students had the opportunity to listen to how a writer I have found this technique invaluable in demon- thinks during the writing process. My students needed strating to inexperienced writers how a writer thinks to hear how a writer progressed through the same through the writing process. This technique brings writing assignments that they were doing. students in the class in touch with their own problem- So, now, when my students are ready to begin solving process and allows them to assess and see what writing a draft, I talk them through my own thinking- thinking must occur before they can write. writing process.I begin by thinking aloud. Those For most of the students, they are seeing a new students who are working well are instructedto persona they have not encountered in a teacher before. continue writing and to ignore me. They pause only After observing me in this process, my students look momentarily as my voice begins; then they go back at me differently -as a writer, as someone who shares to their work. Those who are having trouble starting the same frustrations and triumphs as they do. to write focus their attention on me and what I am Students often comment that other teachers have told saying. I admit that at first they look at me and think them what to write, but I am the first one who has I am somewhat crazy talking to myself, rambling, ever shown them how to write.

16 28 II a

Clustering: A Prewriting Process

By Gabriele Lusser Rico Associate Professor, English and Creative Arts, California State University, San Jose

Even after several years of continued experiments a clearer, more graphic definition. As this student with clustering in my classrooms, I remain awedat its indicates, clustering makes silent, invisiblemental simple power, excited by its many applications,sur- processes visible and manipulable; hence, teachable prised at the changes it has wrought inmy overall and utilizable. In short, clustering isa powerful men- approach to teaching. tal tool. The clustering process grew out ofmy fascination with the findings from brain research of thepast 20 How Does It Work? years, and it represents a way to involve the talents of How does clustering work? It works,very likely, by the mute right brain in the complex symbolic activity biocking the critical censorship of the analytic left that we call writing. The story of specialized capacities brain and by allowing the synthesizing right brainto of the two hemispheres of the brain has beentold make flash-like nonlinear connections. A cluster is again and again. In this brief an space it is enough to say expanding universe, and each word isa potential gal- that the left brain has primarily logical, linear, and axy; each galaxy, in turn, may throw out its own uni- syntactic capabilities while the right brain has holistic, verses. As students cluster around a stimulus word, image-making, and synthetic capabilities. the encircled words rapidly radiate outward untila Clustering is based on the premise thatany effective sudden shift takes place, a sort of "Aha!" that signals writing effort moves from a wholenomatter how a sudden awareness of that tentative whole which vague or tenuousto the parts, then back to amore allows students to begin writing. clearly delineated whole. What is of overriding importance for writing is that the talents of both hemis- What Are Appropriate Instructions? pheres of the brain be brought into play in theprocess. Clustering focuses on that initial whole by What instructions should you give to begin this fashioning a trial web of knowings from the clusterer's prewriting process? I have found the following both mental storehouse. appropriate and effective: 1. Tell students that they are going to learnto use a What Is It? tool that will enable them to writemore easily Exactly what is clustering? Ican define clustering, and more powerfully, a tool similar to brain- as a nonlinear brainstorming process that generates storming. ideas, images, and feelings arounda stimulus word 2. Encircle a word on the boardfor example, until a pattern becomes discernible. But thestudent energyand ask students, "What do you think evaluation of clustering, as shown in Figure 3, presents of when you see that word?" Encourage all

nf,. 17 4:.d responses. Cluster these responses, radiating struction, which increasingly become a part of student outward. When they have finished giving their writing as students continue to cluster. Note also that responses, say, "See how many ideas there are this ten-minute effort, although complete in itself, has floating around in your heads? Now, if you clus- the potential of being developed into a highly focused, ter all by yourself, you will have a set of connec- longer piece of writing. The organic center is already tions as unique to your own mind as your there. thumbprint is to your thumb." What Is the Effect of Clustering? 3. Now ask students to cluster a second word for themselves. Before they begin, tell them that the The writer whose cluster and paragraph are repro- clustering process should take no more than one duced in Figure 4 discoveredeven after the first to two minutes and that the paragraph they will timethat clustering was easy and unthreatening. write should take about eight minutes. Ask them Since a cluster draws on primary impressionsyet to keep clustering until the "Aha!" shift, signal- simultaneously on a sense of the overall design ing that their mind is holding something they can clustering actually generates structure, shaping one shape into a whole. In writing, the only con- thought into a starburst of other thoughts, each straint is that they "come full circle"; i.e., that somehow related to the whole. That is why clustering they do not leave the writing unfinished. Some so often results in writing that is naturally marked by excellent words are afraid or try or help. increased coherence, increased fluency, increased concrete support, and an increased sense of how to 4. After they finish writing, ask students to give a expand ideas. title to what they have written that is suggestive Perhaps the most significant outcome of clustering of the whole. is its idiosyncratic nature. A stimulus word filtered Figure 4 is a cluster and paragraph by a college through the singular experiential grid of each individ- freshman written on the first day I introduced cluster- ual clusterer produces a unique constellation. The ing to the class. Note the quality of wholenessthe stimulus (cluster word) fragments, for example, pro- completeness of the piece. Note the rather sophisticated duced three widely divergent responses, as shown in stylistic devices, such as repetition and parallel con- Figure 5.

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I believe that clustering is a natural process we do unconsciously in our minds. It is more helpful to do it I sometimes wish for a different onethis body on paper, though. Our mind clusters many ideas and that is me. I am inside this scrawny hide 'frit -",^r thoughts, but it is unable to sort and sift the ideas into people react to instead of to the real me. TIP a reasonable order around one main focus. When we me real funny-like sometimes; maybe the . cluster on paper, we can visually look at our ideas and what's inside. So I talk, and they hear what ,f..-: choose which ones we want to use. The thoughts in by what I say; perhaps they see what is inside I Iv I our mind are all piled together, and we see only one or move; or maybe they guess what is inside i tt I two at a time. On paper, through clustering, we can do. Now, you please talk to me, so I can know ..unte- see all our thoughts at once as a whole. thing about the you inside your body.

Fig. 3. An Anonymous Student Evaluation Fig. 4. Paragraph Developed from of Clustering Clustering Body When I think of the word, fragment, it makes me try to visualize the inside of my head. It just seems as though my mind is always divided, never really coming to a whole. One half wants to do something that the other half doesn't want to do. One seems to be saying, "Come on, let's not go to class; you can do your paper later," while the other side of my mind answers back, "but I have to because I'll be missing out on my learning." These two halves go on and on like that, just bruising the inside of my mind, and, if they continue, they'll probably shred my mind all to pieces.

Sometimes, when I'm sitting back, relaxed and reminiscing over old times in my head, small frag- My sister choreographed a dance called "Frag- ments of memories will flash through my mind. They ments" last year for the SJSU Arts Department. The never stay long enough to be recognized by my brain reason she named her dance "Fragments" was that the as a complete thought. They seem to stay just long whole dance was made up of bits and pieces of dances. enough to bring back the emotion of the moment, and There were about five different movements making I will find myself smiling or frowning or wanting to up the whole dance. It was as if the entire dance were cry. I wish I could grab hold of these pieces of my broken up into five separate themes. Because there memoryespecially the happy onesas they fly by was no fixed pattern, the dance really didn't make the recall part of my brain, but I am happy at least for sense. The dance definitely did not flow together. the glimpses I get. Well, that was the purpose of her dancefragments.

Fig. 5. Th-ee Responses to Clustering the WordFragments In summary, clustering engenders and encourages expressive behavior at all levels of proficiency. As with any useful tool, be it pen or paintbrush, the more it is used, the more natural its use becomes. In my own teaching I have made clustering an integral part of all the writing assignments, long or short, and suggest further that it be introduced as a right-brain tool from the earliest grades onward. The most effective means for getting the feel of clustering is to introduce it con- jointly with journal writing. Journal writing, long a part of most English curricula with limited success, will take on new dimensions through the focusing power of clustering. As students begin to experience that sense of accomplishment in actually producing a cluster, they discover that they do have something to say after all. They also discover that writing begins to flow on its own if a sense of play is allowed to enter the process. The student's evaluation of clustering in Figure I sat down to work in order to catch up on some 6 focuses precisely on this play-element of clustering. journal entries when my mother stood over my Yes, clustering is "fooling around," indeed. Instead shoulder and noticed my clustering. Puzzled, she inquired, "Why are you fooling around making circles of writing as sheer labor, clust.ci:ng turns writing into when you have work to do?" It seemed a silly idea to something closer to cultivated play. In so doing, such her, and it did to me also when I first encountered it. "fooling around" makes contact with our natural right- However, I have come to admire my little circles, for brain potential for creating connections, for perceiv- it is those circles with words in them that generate ing one idea related to another, and for seeing the thoughts, bring back experiences, and enable me to world whole. use my mind to the utmost. Clustering can be summed up in one word: wonder- EDITORS NOTE. For further information on clustering, see Gabriele ful. I have learned something that I will carry with me Rico's and Mary Frances Claggett's monograph, Balancing in the Hemis- for the rest of my life; that is, I have learned to gener- pheres: Brain Research and the Teaching of Writing, which was published in 1980 by the Bay Area writing Project, 1615 Tolman Hall, University of ate ideas. Thank goodness for those circles. California, Berkeley, CA 94720. You will find Dr. Rico's new book, Writ- mg the Natural Way, helpful. It was published by J. P. Tarcher, Inc., 9110 Sunset Blvd., Suite 250, Los Angeles, CA 90069; and distributed by Fig. 6. A Student's Evaluation of Clustering Houghton Mifflin Co.

Practical Ideas for Using Clustering in the Prewriting- Stage

readers can experiment with the same technique by lustering using symbols (pictures) to represent the words. In my class we start with a topic, such as being afraid, and with Nonreaders/ Writers then do a group cluster on the board. For example, I

By Michael Carr Teacher, Los Alamitos Elementary School, Los Alamitos Unified School District; and Teacher/Consultant, UCI Writing Project

Clustering is a method of prewriting that enables the writer to map out all of his or her thoughts on a particular subject and then to choose which ones to use. With nonreaders, clustering can be used for the same purpose. With readers, words are clustered around a central topic, as shown in Figure 7. Non- Fig. 7. The Clustering of Blue

20 asked the children to tell me all of the things theywere From the group cluster the children choosesome- afraid of, and we created a cluster that looked like the thing they wish to write about. Tony, the author of the one in Figure 8. cluster shown in Figure 9, chose to write about witches. He then did his final drawingon white ditto paper:

Tony dictated, "I am afraid of witches because they might have ghosts." His picture included other elements of things he was afraid of, such as the dark. Note that the children dictate their sentence tome; I write it on paper, and then they copy it. In clustering with symbols, I have found that children in my class always have something to write, Fig. 8. Clustering with Nonreaders because they do not have to worry about decoding skills that they do not possess. After awhile the child- Most of our group clusters had at least 15 items. ren created clusters that included a few words they However, even though the group cluster in Figure 8 is knew, along with the symbols for those words. By the abbreviated in scope, it contains the major topic end of the year, some of the childrenwere able to use points. After doing a group cluster, the children then all the words in their cluster ora combination of do their own cluster on large sheets of newsprint, words and symbols. When studentsare at a point using as many or as few items from thegroup cluster where they can generate three or four sentences, I as they wish to. The children also have the option of have them number the word/ pictures in their cluster adding items to their own cluster that were not present to help them organize their ideas. on the group cluster. An example of an individual The process I use to teach clustering to nonread- cluster is shown in Figure 9. ers/ writers can be described as follows: 1. Introduce the topic and get a few oralresponses. 2. Write the topic word on the chalkboard and circle it. 3. Draw all the children's responses to the topic cluster. 4. Have children create theirown clusters on large newsprint. 5. Have the children choose those symbols from their clusters that they want to write about and draw the symbols on good paper. 6. Have the children dictate their sentences toyou; then have each student copy his or her sentence. (Noncopiers can trace.) 7. Have the children read their papers ina sharing group. This technique has produced a feeling of "can do" when it comes to writing in my classroom. All the children are able to succeed and begin tosee them- Fig. 9. A Nonreader's Clustering of Afraid selves as writers. And, before they know it, they are!

el el 0 .3 21 Using journal writing as a daily writing exercise is also a good way to get your students involved in clus- lustering tering. With Pictures, objects, words, or stories as in First Grade stimuli, you can do the clustering on a chalkboard with the whole group. Then children can generate By Kathy Pierce their own sentences in their journals. Teacher, Horace Mann School, Anaheim Elementary School District; and Teacher/Consultant, UCI Writing Project Clustering is an open-ended, uonlinear form of sort- ing ideas. It is a visual structuring of concepts, events, and feelings. Once the main focus is chosen or provided, ideas may be generated around it. By clustering on paper, the children can sift and sort their thoughts into a whole. Clustering helps make writing more like the taking of a picturethereby making writing less frightening. In the first grade, clustering helps students generate ideas and enables them to relate to something and to write about it. Group clustering is very easy and Fig. 10. Clustering of Popcorn by First Graders enjoyable for the children. Using a shared experience field trips, cooking, special events, or any created situationstudents may form a group cluster on the chalkboard. Questions, especially those involving the five senses, will elicit descriptive responses. Children can then form their own sentences from the group cluster. For example, after the children made popcorn, they created the cluster shown in Figure 10. Individual clustering is also very successful for first graders, especially if you can talk personally with each child. Use questioning to elicit a response as to what the main focus is to be. Additional appropriate questions can generate the images for their clustering, and they can write their own stories from their clusters. After an art project my students formed the cluster shown in Figure 11. Fig. 11. Clustering of ButterflyAfter an Art Project

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Clustering on Circles

By Elizabeth WilliamsReeves Teacher, Pine Middle School, Los Alamitos Unified School District; and Teacher/Consultant, UCI Writing Project

Jefferson Newman, one of my fifth grade students when I taught at Los Alamitos Elementary School, generated such marvelous descriptive writing through his clustering that I asked him if I could share it (Fig- ure 12). ,0 ) el 2 22 What I think is especially interesting aboutJeffer- son's cluster is the way his mind churnsout ideas moving from concrete to abstract, fromliteral to symbolic. As he writes, the language of hiscluster also It Works! becomes very rhythmical (almost circular);his form reinforces his content. And it evolved,almost effort- By Elizabeth B. Martinez lessly, from clustering. English Teacher, Saddleback High School, Santa Ana Unified School District; and Teacher/Consultant, UCI Writing Project WHEELS Several years ago I attended the annualconference 4T FULL. MOW of the California Association of Teachers ofEnglish, EDALL/IW which was held in San Diego, California. Littledid I realize that clustering, a prewriting technique KNEECAP pre- E120 sented at the conference by Gabriele Rico, wouldhave 12011-OF PIPE /woe such a powerful and positive impacton me. Not only did it influence my professional and personallife, but aecte GOD LE TreX''O' it also influenced the lives ofmy students and col- meioure leagues who were later exposed to it. (Aro As I observed Dr. Rico's excellent presentation,I SCWOOL MX:4 instantly felt that thiswas exactly what I had been GI.DOE CI-OCK ItitltOPRIA/T searching for: a simple approach that would involve MY HEAD ..1,47URNS not just some of my students but rather allmy stu- RING.5 dents at any level of writing ability. Needlessto say, I could hardly wait to get back to schoolto try it in my The circle is round and smooth.Coins like dimes classes. and fifty cent pieces are in circles. Acircle takes the Daily, my students clustered words and thensen- formation of your knee cap. It is the formof Saturn's rings. The circle is the shape ofa medallion glittering tences; later they combined sentences and finally in the sun. A circle is like the ringsof a bracelet. learned to develop a unified paragraph from theorig- People get married and havea circle placed on their inal cluster. I soon discovered that clustering couldbe finger, a wedding ring. A circle shows thesignificance used to teach almost any facet ofan English program. of how God is infinite. A circle takesthe brightness of What amazed me the most, however,was the strong the full moon. I wear a button almostevery day, a response of acceptance with which the studentsre- circle button. It remindsme of a classroom clock ceived this technique. After three months ofdaily ticktock, ticktock, ticking time slowlyaway. A circle practice, I requested ananonymous response to this is the egg that rests on your table. A circle is the base clustering. I was not surprised. The studentsover- on which your hair rests. It is the turning of thedoor- knob, the orbiting of the planets, the whelmingly expressed enthusiasm with words of praise parachute and appreciation for this "fun" activity. The springing out as the person leaps out ofthe airplane. one It is the thumbprint of a human beingtwisted and statement that consistently recurred was that the fear turned, making the whirls in your thumb.It is the of writing had been greatly reduced. Thestudents' wheel on a bicycle spinning round and round.A circle attitudes toward writing over the three monthshad is a fascinating two-dimensional object. gradually improved. They had becomemore confi- dent, their assignmentswere better prepared, and, Fig. 12. Paragraph Developedby Jefferson finally, their grades reflected theirsuccess. Newman from Clustering Circle In conclusion, I must confess that Iwas ready to "throw in the towel," so to speak, after repeatedyears of hit-and-miss failures andsuccesses in the teaching of writing. My personal good fortune of beingexposed to clustering revolutionized and revitalizedmy career. I am now completing Fornte,4110.iii(lit#411glif my twelfth year at Saddleback iiiirthessueprise High School, and eachnew group of students that comes through my door receives a shower of cluster- 'Ofee,001.40.44:0001filog ing experiences. I can enthusiasticallysay, "I have not O*1491eto., I1OBRRTFROST given up as a teacher of writing." I feelI am living testimony to the effectiveness and positiveresults of clustering.

23 Using Clustering as a Study Skill

By Susan Starbuck English Teacher, Jordan High School, Long Beach Unified School District; and Teacher/Consultant, UCI Writing Project

Because clustering is a holistic process, it is a useful technique for review and study, especially for the essay exam. Through clustering, students can visually chart what they do and do not know, returning to their notes to fill in the blank areas in their charts. In the process they will discover and generate their own key or stimulus words that can be reduced and converted to easily memorized lists. As a result of this thorough review, clustering will build the students' confidence so that they can function well in an exam, even if they have to answer unanticipated questions. There are seven steps for using clustering to study for an essay exam: 1. licview class materials and identify what is important.Usually, before an exam, students have some idea of what the teacher has considered most important. Either the teacher desig- not indicated what is important, and the notes nates the important areas during a review session the students have taken do not seem to be help- and gives sample questions, or when reviewing ful. Therefore, after identifying what seems to be their notes, the students identify key words and important, the students may want to do some concepts the teacher has repeated several times. reflecting by focusing on the class as a whole by Likewise, the textbook usually contains the using these questions to begin a clustering pro- repeated key words and concepts in chapter cess: What has been the purpose of the class? headings and subheadings that reinforce what What were the recurring themes, characters, and the teacher has presented. As they review their patterns in what we have been reading? 1 he stu- textbook, students should jot down all the key dents further cluster each of the ideas that words and concepts. emerge through their master clusters, such as 2. Make preliminary clusters.Using the designated individual books, authors, periods, and so forth. questions and /or the repeated key words and By the time they complete this process, they will concepts as stimulus centers, the students make have a very good grasp of the dimensions of the clusters to test their comprehension of the mate- class. rial. In some classes, however, the teacher has 3. Self-check.When the students finish the clusters, they can go back to the original material in the notes and textbook to do a self-checking and to add any missing pieces to their clusters. Writing'shOld be: Otaltein:000 4. Reduce material to basic L:usters and stimulus Ckar*Minkleii4s,10-,cleat clear ords.Because the students are testing their own of clear writing. Per- recall by drawing on the right brain, they will not 10000re 00-09:004.1400 0100- only be reviewing what they have already assimi- iisit,spo:Obk lated but will also be discovering and creating iltOttlf,' 01.01(1h0.frjitak010. their own stimulus words. After making their mOrelhoitglieutuitigileings. preliminary clusters, the students may cluster 60101'130Y ER again, using ,heir on stimulus words as they focus the material more and more; their goal is

24 3 to reduce both clusters and stimulus words to the simplest possible form. Assoon as they have condensed and focused the clusters, they will be propagating able to make simple lists of stimulus words that are important for the exam. Clusters 5. Memorize simplified lists from clusters. Memo- By Michael O'Brien rization will ensure that stimulus words are read- English Teacher, Foothill High School, ily available for the exam. Tustin Unified School District; 6. Review final cluster(s) on the morning before the and Teacher/Consultant, UCI Writing Project exam. A last minute review of their stimulus words will give the students confidence that they Think of them as flowers. Clusters do,after all, are knowledgeable about a number of different resemble flowers whose petals burst forthfrom the aspects of the subject. central corolla. Note that clusters do beautifullyin both remedial and advanced classes butneed to be 7. Cluster around specific test questions. When tended faithfully. they receive their questions at theexam, the stu- Clusters have been very helpful tome in increasing dents should spend a few minutes makingspe- cific clusters that will stimulate their memories student fluency. Even after I have donesome practice and help them organize their thoughts in the ones on the board, however, some students have hada terms presented by the question. difficult time getting startedon this technique. Be patient. They will become adeptat clustering within a Having followed the seven-stepprocess outlined few daysa few petals at first, full bloomslater on. above, the students will have reviewed and made the Clusters also do well in the "rarefied" atmosphere material so completely theirown by translating it into of the advanced classes. Use them in discussinglitera- their own words that they will be ableto react with ture, especially to show comparison and contrast. For some insight to almost any question the teacher asks. example, look at how effectivelymy classes were able On an essay exam the students will be ableto con- to contrast the two main settings of Shakespeare's struct answers that reveal their knowledge; formore Antony and Cleopatra (see Figure 13). than any other kind of exam, theessay obeys the rule Finally, for best results, cultivate clusters faithfully. Gabriele Rico quotes from Henry James, "Thewhole Use them for your own writing. Ask studentsto clus- of anything is never told. Youcan take only what ter often in a variety of situations. Becausewe so groups together." The students who use clustering will rarely assign tasks in high school thatuse the right know immediately what "groups" they have available hemisphere of the brain, students needto be reminded to formulate a good answer. constantly of the clustering method.

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Fig. 13. Contrasting the Main Settings inAntony and Cleopatra

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A Potpourri of Prewriting Ideas for the Elementary Teacher

By Virginia Baldwin Teacher, Gifted and Talented Education, Del Cerro Elementary School, Saddleback Valley Unified School District; and Teacher/Consultant, UCI Writing Project

The prewriting stage is the main ingredient of the Fostering the Language Production Process writing process. The writing process can be described In order to ensure that children receive the full as a sort of recipe that brings a composition into being benefit of the prewriting process, teachers must under- by forming, shaping, combining, or altering ideas stand the language production process and how it initiated in the prewriting stage. A secret formula will relates both to generating ideas and planning for the not react without its catalyst, just as the writing pro- composing process. cess will not be successful without the stimulus of the The production of language begins when a child prewriting experience. reacts to an experience in the environment and begins Prewriting can be defined as anything that is done to think about it (conceptualization) and, in turn, to prior to composing and that creates motivation, talk about it (verbalization). During this oral lan- increases conceptual knowledge, builds on to the language stage, children begin to compose stories and guage bank, stimulates the imagination, or spurs new fantasies while they are at play. This same type of thinking. The prewriting stage provides the raw mate- activity may be used in the classroom to move child- rials that will be given shape by the writing process. ren from oracy toward literacy. The child's stories and The writing process is an act of creation. fantasies may be written down. Children with this Children, as prospective writers, especially need to experience will begin to pair speech and print percep- spend time generating, exploring, and experimenting tually, then they will gradually transcribe their own with ideas before they are expected to compose. The sentences and, eventually, complete stories. prewriting stage affords children the opportunity to Children with much practice in oral composition generate ideas by exploring prior knowledge or new will progress naturally to nonverbal composition and information, and it gives them time to reach into their learn the conventions of written language. It is essen- bank of language for words to express those ideas. tial that composing orally precede composing non- Taking the time to utilize fully this stage of the writing verbally. This is a natural sequence in language acqui- process ensures that children will "have something to sition and development. Using the oral composition say" when they compose. Neglecting prewriting in- technique allows the child to continue building fluency creases the possibility of hearing the plaintive excla- in language and still learn the art of composing for mation, "I don't know what to write!" writing.

26 (?) 8 Based on this information about language acquisi- The following examples were developedthrough tion and production, I have deviseda formula for the the process described above: prewriting stage that can be used prior to composing orally and nonverbally (see figures 14 and 15). This Leaves dusty, crunchy formula can be u--d by the teacher in elicitingas falling, blowing, flying much language as possible to be used in composing. trees, branches, colors, sun "Fall Leaves," which follows, isan example of the laughing, tossing, jumping prewriting formula put to use. funny, happy children. irdmInilDcAti YYYYYYYYY ISIAD011.41VA

The Fall Leaves FALL LEAVES We played in the !raves today. We threw the leaves up in the EXPERIENCE air and kicked them. We ran and jumped in the leaves. The Take the children outdoors to play in the leaves. Encour- leaves wcrc crunchy and dry. They wcrc old. It will be winter soon. age children to watch the leaves falling, to smell the leaves, cOvIDSIDOR4ttr er A4.00tIOIIIASMIARIal to listen to the leaves moving, to jump in the leaves, to toss the leaves, and so forth. The only part of the prewriting formula that I have CONCEPTUALIZATION not discussed fully is construction. This step in the Ask questions, such as: What can you do with the leaves? process is where the first shaping of ideas occurs. One What do the leaves feel like? Why? Wha do the leaves smell of the most effective techniques that I have used for like? construction is Gabriele Rico's clustering. VERBALIZATION Clustering enables children to reach into their lan- Listen to the children's responses. Encourage eachone to guage banks and provides a means by which they may express what he or she is thinking and feeling. Praise them crystallize their ideas. It is a very versatile technique for the descriptive words they use. and may be used prior to oral or nonverbal composi- CONSTRUCTION tion. It may be used with individuals, small groups,or Cluster or brainstorm for words and ideas thatcan be entire classes. (Clustering is described in depth in the used when writing. This technique can be used to motivate preceding section of this book.) different modes of writing: poetry, stories,an ad for raking leaves, a report on the seasons, or a book abouttrees. Finding Ideas for Prewriting Children reach into their bank of language toexpress their Prewriting will be most effective if you base iton ideas. something your children have a prior knowledge COMPOSING abouteither through a lesson you conducted in the The children can compose orally, and helperscan tran- classroom or an experience they had somewhere else. scribe; or they may transcribe for themselves. The children Children will have more to bring to the writing pro- will have ideas to write about because they have been able cess if they have had a prior experience with the topic. to act out an experience and talk about it before they were Take advantage of school day happenings, such as expected to write. playing marbles, eating in the cafeteria, or takinga

EXPERIENCE " CONCEPTUALIZATION/\ VERBALIZATION CONSTRUCTION COMPOSING Involving the I QuestioningI Eliciting ideas + Clustering = Oralor nonverbal whole child techniques I (Experience (Thought (Gradual media (Thought to print to thought) to speech) transition) cribed by another person or by self)

Fig. 14. The Prewriting Formula

r% -, s' 1 ;'.I 27 Photo Fun.You are an Instamatic camera. Each summer your owners take you with them on CONCEPTUALIZATION VERBAL IZATIO N vacation. Who are your owners? Where do they NON WRI34L ORAL take you? What do you enjoy taking pictures or? 10(PEIVEATE77)ThW6417- 77-tou6Hr 5ftea( Where is your favorite vacation spot? Why? Pho- ill tographsmayalso be brought into the classroom TASK for writing experiences. PEXCEPRIAL MTN f AIM& OFSPEE01 Comic Dialogue.Bring in some of your favorite ANDPRINT comic books that you have saved, and share a few COmPOZE Q MEDIA of them with the children. Talk about the dia- Mersin ad lo'ue bubbles and what they mean. Have a large comic "blownup" on butcher paper with blank bubbles. Discuss the pictures and create the dialogue with the group's help. Pass out individual comics with blank bubbles to the children and niNtNONVERBAL ORAL COMPOSITION iCtilnoht have them create their own dialogue. This activ- Se:6E0f PRINT gropprovr ity can be addicting! ox,w,coosycp6t) ..rieted:g13CD111°"llrip" eYseli:, Tree for All Seasons.I have always liked this activity becauseitoffers an opportunity for Fig. 15. Graphic Illustration of the interdisciplinary teaching. The class adopts one Prewriting Formula tree on the playground or in a nearby park or neighborhood. The class visits, the tree periodically and experiences and records the changes in spelling test. Special events are always great for pre- the tree. If they desire, the childrenmaysit under writing experiences: assemblies, a visit from someone the tree and write. They may wish to compile a in the community, or a long-awaited holiday. Some of book that is composed of all the activities and the best prewriting experiences are the spontaneous writing that the tree has inspired during the year. ones that we sometimes overlook: a windstorm, a The book may contain artwork, poetry, reports, stray dog wandering in the school yard, or a classmate stories, photographs, and so forth. who moved away suddenly. The following are some of my favorite prewriting Scent and Sentimentality.Use strong scents, such activities to use in the classroom. Be sure to imple- as strawberry, leather, or pine. Children think of ment them with the prewriting formula for the most something that the smell reminds them of. Can success: they remember a time when they smelled this before? What were they doing? Was it a long time Sound Effect Sequence.This is a good lesson to ago? Possibilities. a camping trip, a special Christ- use with children to show the need for more mas, a favorite dessert, or the doctor's office. details in a story. Play a record that contains a Mystery Objects.Show the class an object, such series of sound effects for the class. As they listen, as an antique, an old pair of shoes, or a suitcase ask your students to create a sentence for each covered with travel stickers. AA them such ques- sound effect they hear that will tell a story. The tions as. Whom do you think this object belongs sentences can be put on an overhead to show the to? What happened to it? Where has it beeit? basic riot line as well as the "gaps" in the story. A group of children can work together to fill in the Dream Bus or Fantasy Jet.Show a picture of r details. bus or jet and ask the children to imagine th they could go anywhere they wanted to g. Once There Was a House.Show or draw a pic- Where would they go? How long would they ture of a fantasy house. It could be made out of a stay? What would they do? What would the trip shoe, an apple, a mushroom, a tree, or something be like? else that is unusual. Ask the children to imagine who lives there. And ask other probing questions, such as, What do they do? Children may write a Using 1-ae Story Formula short story about the occupants, or they may The story formula, which is deLeribed below, is a wish to do a serial story. They will also enjoy versatile teaching tool to use in the classroom writing creating their own fantasy houses and drawing program to help students generate content and plan them. for form. It is adaptable for use with students who are

28 40 have used the following books to prt....pt writing in the classroom: I Know Whet I Like, by Norma Simon (Niles, Ill.: Albert Wr 1..an & Company, 1971). This is a good book to uae when introducing verbs. Sara and the Door, by Virginia A. Jensen (Reading, Mass.. Addison-Wesley Publishing Co., Inc., 1977). Use this story to prompt writing about a memory from just beginning to write narrativesas well as with stu- early childhood or about a time that the student felt dents who are ready to learn the intricacies ofshort helpless. story writing. Beginning students can writea complete If I Were a Cricket, by Kazue Mizumura (New York: story in one class period if they are directed to write Harper & Row Pubs., Inc., 1973). Childrencan use the two or three sentences for each part of the formula. pattern and write what they would d_ for a human Another way of using th, formula with beginning writ- friend if they were an animal, plant, or insect. ers is to take a day or a week to write each part of the David Was Mad, one of the Kin-der Owl Boohs by Bill story. Specific lessons and models may be presented Martin, Jr. (New York: Holt, Rinehart & Winston, to help students develop each part fully. More ad- Inc., 1971). This is an excellent book to use when encouraging children to "show and not tell" in their vanced students may use the formula in much the writing. same way as the less advanced students use it, but they Nothing but a Dog, by Bobbi Katz (Old Westbury, should be asked to provide more details. Lessonscan be presented to help children N.Y.: Feminist Press, 1972). Using the pattern in this use dialogue in their book, the children in your class can write aboutsome- stories. "Showing, not telling" writingmay be encour- thing they have really wanted or wanted to do. aged for characterization, setting, and problem. Experi- The Important Book, by Margaret W. Brown (New menting with alternate voice anda different audience York: Harper & Row Pubs., Inc., 1949). This isa good should be encouraged also. book to use when introducing paragraph writing. The This is the story formula: students will choose a noun and write all the things 1. Write an opening line. Youmay choose one they think are important about it. from a favorite story. 9 Mitzi's Magic Garden, by Beverley Allinson (Westport, 2. Now, choose a main character (MC), andwrite a Conn.: Garrard Publishing Co., 1971). Children can write what they would plant in the garden and tell description of how your MC looks andacts. 3. Next, describe the setting of the story. what would result. Imagination will run wild. The illustrations in this book are especially amusing. 4. Write an episode that createsa problem for the MC. Make something exciting happen Janey, by Charlotte Zolotow (New York: Harper & to the Row, Pubs., Inc., 1973). This pattern can be used to MC that causes a problem. prompt writing about memories. 5. Describe the problem. How does the MCtry to solve it but fails? How does the MC feel about the problem? 6. Now, tell how the problem is solved. Does the MC get help or solve it alone? 7. Now that the prob'em is solved, write about how your MC feels. What will the MC do to avoid having the same problem again? 8. Reread your story and makeup a title for it. 9. Decide what parts of the story would makegood illustrations.

Using Books in Prewriting Children who are avid readers are often the best writers because they have developeda sense of written syntax, are aware of form, and have a good vocabulary. For this reason I like to use booksas a prewriting experience. This technique, sometimes called "pattern writing," is a form of emulation. The child takes the pattern and uses it as a springboard for new ideas. I

29 Using Puppets, Role Playing, and Story Dolls Puppets can be used to encourage oral and written expression. Children compose naturally when they 5TOR y DOLL play with puppets. They can be given time to play and then be asked to compose something for a dialogue CUT ENZAR6OPATTERN bubble, to tell a story, or to create a play. It is also fun Pk0/4 r46-80Ak'D for a group of children to work on plays together in LET aill-DREA1 ADD this manner. YARN, FELT ETC. Another good approach for a prewriting experience is to have children role-play a situation and record it ADD SKIRT-MADE- with a tape recorder. Children can replay the tape and or CREPE TAPER revise it as often as they wish. One person writes down OR Fa-7- 70 MIDDLE. what the group has decided to keep, and the process goes on until their play is finished. This is a particularly useful lesson when you are emphasizing the importance of rewriting a piece until you are satisfied with its contents. Children love to retell stories with the flip-over dolls that you can purchase in toy stores. They can also make up their own stories with new characters with the story doll. (See Figure 16 for instructions on how to make a story doll.) Have the children use felt scraps, crayons, and so forth to create their characters and then make up a story. The story can be in narra- ONE CIIARACreg CAN tive form or in play form. SE M4DE ON EACH OF 1716 FOUR 51DE-.5. Describing the Teacher's Role If, after reading this section, you feel that the teacher's role in the prewriting stage of the writing process is a complex one, you are right! The teacher must simultaneously initiate the desire to write, induce creative a ;liking, and help build writing skills. There- fore, you o are teachers must approach your role with a combination of realism and assurance; and, to be successful, you must be well prepared and enthusi- Fig. 16. Instructions for Making a Story Doll astic. It is important to realize that prewriting is often the most painful, the longest, and always the crucial stage of the writing process. You must be assured that senses have the most potential for prompting there will be results; think of your own prewriting irleas. ponderings and deliberations that eventually bring 4. Allow children the time needed to act out and forth writing. Remember that children experience the talk out their ideas before you expect them to same apprehensions as you do when faced with the write or compose. command to create. It is essential that you are pre- 5. Place the most importance on the ideas which pared with a plan based on the following five points to children generate. The most valued writing is encourage a successful prewriting experience: based on the worth of its ideas. There is plenty of 1. Rely on the atmosphere of trust that you have time later for rew.i iting and editing for correct- created in your classroom. Children will readily ness. express ideas without fear of ridicule. Finally, above allelse, become enthusiastically 2. Base prewriting experiences on something chil- involved in the excitement children have when they dren have a prior knowledge abouteither through are generating, thinking about, and creating ideas for a lesson you have provided or the experiences writing. Personally, I find the prewriting stage to be they bring to school. the most exhilarating part of the writing process in the 3. Involve the whole child in the prewriting expe- elementary classroom. I hope you will feel the same rience. Experiences which stimulate all of the way. Good luck!

30 42 -J ,..- Practical Ideas for Prewriting in the ElementarySchool

cism of their teachers about what they couldaccom- plish, we felt it was essential to choose a subject that Snap, Crackle, would invite active participation, enthusiasm, and Think! interest in elementary schoolchildren and special education students at all levels and be appealing to By Laurie Opfell, Sue Rai 3er Willett, and teachers as well. So we chose cereal, something we Julie Simpson would all have a host of memories, associations, and Teacher/Consultants, UC1 Writing Project feelings about. What follows is a sequence of prewriting and precomposing activities that takes students It is extremely important to provide students of all from the knowledge through the evaluation levels of ages with prewriting activities that will enable them to thinking as well as through the various stages of the generate ideas about which to write. With young writing process. children, in particular, it is also helpful to tap into Prewriting concrete experiences so that what they have to say will come relatively easily and, thus, they can focus their Step 1 Brainstorming. We asked our teacher/students attention on how to express it on paper. to tell us anything they thought of when they heard the word cereal, and we wrote all of the suggestions on the The following lesson was designed primarily for chalkboard. special education teachers at the elementary level. Our goal was to demonstrate that younger students, and Step 2Categorizing. We passed out copies ofa blank even students with learning difficulties, are capable of grid and asked them to record and organize on the grids writing papers at the highest levels of critical thinking the ideas from the chalkboard into basic categories, such as texture, taste, smell, and nutritional value. We also if they are provided with ample prewriting activities to asked them to add any new information that occurred to develop a bank of ideas for writing and careful pre- them. The grid might look something like this: composing stratet:ies for planning and shaping their papers. By precomposing, we mean a type of prewriting in which students focus on the transformation of ideas into written form. Texture: crunchy Because of the skill level of the students for whom crispy we were designing the lesson and the potential skepti- soggy lumpy EDITOR'S NOTE. Laurie Opfell is a former English teacher, Irvine High Taste: School, Irvine Unified School District; Sue Rader Willett isan English teacher, Capistrano Valley High School, Capistrano Unified School Dis- sweet, etc. trict; and Julie Simpson is an English teacher, Sunny Hills High School, Fullerton Joint Union High School Distriu. Step 3Experiencing. At this point, we wanted our z..4.1111_ audience to bec-me involved with their subject matter, so we conducted a taste test of the cereals. As they ate, we asked them to identify the qualities of the cereals by checking the appropriate categories on the grid and adding new information if it was needed. The gridnow might look like this:

Ratings for cereals Qualities Crispies Charms Natural Texture: Ala crunchy crispy soggy lumpy chewy (hard) foe'S.41 chewy (soft) 1. spongy

31 Precomposing Step 4Mapping. In order for the teacher/students to make the transition from checks on a grid to writing about their subjects, we asked them to select their favorite cereal, illustrate it graphically on paper, and then to add in the checked information from the grid where appropriate. We showed them several models; then we asked them to try it on their own. Two examplesare included in Figure 17. Mapping isa right-brain organizational tool which allows creative interpretation of information. We encouraged everyone to add in any new relevant ideas as they created their maps. Step 5Presenting the prompt. With a visual plan of organized information to write from, we next presented the group with a series of prompts. They are graduated below from easiest to most difficult. Studentscan be given the option of choosing their own, orone can be selected for them. All prompts deal with the thinking skills of evaluation: 1. Select your favorite cereal and explain why you like it. 2. Write a paragraph to persuade your mother to buy this cereal. 3. Rank the cereals from best to worst and justifyyour ranking. Fig. 17. Mapping the Qualities of Cereals 4. Pretending you are the judge of a cereal "taste-off," write your choice for the best cereal and explain why. 5. After tallying the preferences of your classmates, prediq which cereal will sell the best and explain why. For lower-level students, prompt number 1 might be most appropriate, and a frame could be provided that might look like this: I like because

Also

ri-.--i 2.

,`,...... -- Finally,

More advanced students might try prompt number 4 and add setting, character, description, dialogue, and the reaction of the crowd. Writing Step 6 Writing a rough draft. We asked our teacher/ studc:nts to write a rough draft of prompt number 2 because we felt it was the one they might be likely to try with their students. Sharing Step 7Providing each other with feedback. Before each writer shared his or her paper with a partner, we pre-

32 4 ,..42 The Rock Experience By Erline S. Krebs Lecturer, Division of Teacher Education, California State University, Fullerton; and Teacher/Consultant, UCT Writing Project r$44. f "The Rock Experience" includes a series of prewrit- I,i ler ing activities that I have used successfully with elementary students; however, it could easily be adapted to any grade level. I begin this experience by reading to my class Everybody Needs a Rock by Byrd Baylor (New York: Charles Scribner's Sons, 1974). This book is about designing individualistic rules for finding "just the right rock for you." After I have read the story to them, the students develop some of their own "rock hunt rules," using the "how to" skills of the practical/informative domain. Then they go outside and survey the school environment for a "rock hunt adventure." sented a simplified rubric, one that would be suitable for When each student has selected one "special" rock, prompt number 2. which takes approximately ten minutes, we return to After reviewing the rubric, we asked them to look for the the classroom and go through the process of getting .;pecific attributes or the lack of them in the papers and to acquainted with our rocks. In silence each student give each other feedback on positive aspects of the papers examines his or her rock, focusing on the senses of as well as possible corrections. Here is the rubric we smell, sight, sound, taste, and touch. Sometimes, I presented: play soft music in the background; e.g., Johann Pachelbel's "Canon in D." At the end of two minutes, Strongly persuades and convinces. I ring a bell. Each student now selects a partner. One Supr orts with specific information. person is designated "A"; and his or her partner, "B." For two minutes, "A" shares with "B" anything about Suggests mother should buy the cereal. Supports with general information. his or her rock; i.e., where and how it was found, description of rock, personality traits of rock. Stu- States personal opinion without being persuasive. dents are encouraged to use their imagination. "B" Gives little or no supporting reasons. listens (no talking whatsoever). The positions are re- versed for the next two minutes. I ring a bell at the end of each two-minute segment. This process is followed by a total group discussion, Since our primary goal was to demonstrate prewrit- which may include some of the following "opening and precomposing strategies, we did not take the ended" questions: lesson beyond the first draft. However, classroom use of this lesson should include the revising, editing, and What was this experience like for you? evaluating stages of the composing proct is. A good Were two minutes too long, too short, just right? motivator would be to award ribbons to each writer. The teachers who participated in our "Snap, Crackle, Think!" lesson responded enthusiastically to it. We "Tim:Roclatperience.-44as feel a key element in its success is its hands-on quality. .-Eiv,erisOireitti,pritctic0 in Even the most reluctant writers shwild have some- Asepilei0g,:teCording,, thing to say after tasting, smelling, touching, and 'deSeribing,:iutcl shdrilft thinking about their subject. More importantly, the WINES. KREBS prewriting and precomposing activitit, provide the student with guidance and direction in transforming those thoughts into print.

4,eU 33 Were you comfortable or uncomfortable sharing? As a follow-up, the students are usually anxiousto In what ways? set up a Geology Learning Center. In the process of Were you comfortable or uncomfortable listening? establishing the center, they get opportunities forcol- In what ways? lecting, conducting research on, and labeling rocks. How did you feel about your partner as a listener? This may also lead to the following writing activities: What did you learn about yourself in this process? Sensory I descriptive domain:Describing rocks through Working with the same partners and usingone or poetry; e.g., haiku, cinquain, poetic dialogue. both rocks, the students move into a brainstorming Imaginative' narrative domain:"An Adventure with My process in order to develop a word-bank. I pass out Rock" or "My Adventure as a Rock"; i.e.,use of visual five 5", 7" cards, each of a different color (yellow, imagery from the rock's point of view. green, orange, blue, pink). One of the partners is Practical' informative domain:Developing a handbook designated the recorder. I allow approximately two to for beginning rock hunters or "Advanced Instructions three minutes for each segment of thisprocess. Words for the Avid Rock Hunter." corresponding te different parts of speechare listed Analytical / expository domain:Developing a position on each card, as follows: paper; e.g., "The Value of Rocks in the Ecosystem." Yellowcard: Brainstorm and record all the words that There is no doubt that "The Rock Experience" has coulddescribe(adjectives) your rock(s); increased my students' and my ownawareness of e.g., speckled, smooth, sharp, creviced. rocks. At the same time it has given them practice in Green card: Brainstorm and record all the words that discovering, recording, describing, sharing, and doing communicate what your rock(s)can do a variety of other prewriting activities. Actually, the (verbs); e.g., roll, skip, fall, hop. process of this experience can be used with any item; Orange card: Brainstorm and record all the words that obviously, it is not limited to rocks. Use your imagina- communicatehowyour rock(s)can do it tion! Have fun! (adverbs); e.g., slowly, quickly, playfully, listlessly. Blue card: Brainstorm and record all the phrases that tellwhereyour rock(s)can do it(preposi- Developing tional phrases); e.t,., under the bridge, Fluency Through over the water, on the sidewalk, in the car. poetic Dialogue We discuss the individual lists and,as a group, develop a word-bank for each part of speech on four sheets of butcher paper. I color code each list by using By Michael Carr Teacher, Los Alamitos Elementary School, yellow, green, orange, and blue felt-tippens: Los Alamitos Unified School District; and Teacher/Consultant, UCI Writing Project Description of WhatOur HowOur WhereOur Our Rocks Rocks Can Rocks Can Rocks Can and Erline Krebs Do Do It Do It Lecturer, Division of Teacher Education, (List adjectives.)(List verbs.) (List adverbs.)(List preposi- California State University, Fullerton; tional phrases.) and Teacher/Consultant, UCI Writing Project

The word is alive The poem is alive The poet is alive within his poem and is speaking to us. If we wish, we may answer him by weaving our voices into conversations which create a new kind of poetic dialogue. In so doing we come to know the poet The butcher paper lists are placed on classroom walls. and his poem in a special way and create poems as a result of this dialogue. Now, each pair of students takes out the pink card By TOBY LURIE and, together, they create theirown magnificent "rock from sentence," using all their sentence-combining tech- Conversations anc. Constructions! niques and skills. I allow approximately fiveto seven minutes for this process. Of course, these "magic 'Toby Lurie,Conversations and Constructions.San Francisco. 1429 crea- Page St., Apt. E, San Francisco, CA 94117, 0 1978. Used by permission of tions" are shared with the wholegroup. the poet.

34 46 myths and fears surrounding poetry. Next, we introduce the concept of dialoguing as a natural way of expressing ourselves, a process we do daisy in our conversations with each other. For example, we might say, "Mike, have you noticed the mountains this morning?" Mike may respond, "You bet. I would love to be skiing right now!" It is as simple as that. We now have our students respond orally to any line we give them. We tell our students not to "think about" or "figure out" their responses, just express what comes naturally. Using the same natural process, our students are now invited to participate in a written dialogue. We use Carl Sandburg's "Summer Grass."

When introducing elementary school students to SUMMER GRASS 2 poetry, it is not enough to give them a model of a Summer grass aches and whispers. haiku, cinquain, or other poetic form and expect them It wants something; it calls and sings; it pours to write. We have found that our students are fearful out wishes to the overhead stars. of expressing themselves freely through poetry. It is The rain hears; the rain answers; the rain is slow evident that they have many preconceived notions coming; the rain wets the face of the grass. about poetrythat it must rhyme, be easy to memo- By CARL SA NDBURG rize, have only so many syllables per line, and so forthand an overall feeling of "I can't do this." As we read a line of the frame, each student copies As with any writing assignment, it is necessary to that line of poetry on a piece of paper and then writes provide students with prewriting activities. In this case his or her response directly underneath. The following we want them to see that writing poetry can be as easy is an example of a fifth grade student's (Jennifer's) and comfortable as having a conversation with a response: friend. That is why we focus on the idea of dialoguing Summer grass aches and whispers. (Carl Sandburg's with poetry. "Summer Grass") We begin by inviting our students to cluster their Rain on the grass and wind blowing. (Jennifer) thoughts, feelings, and attitudes around the word po- It wants something: etry, as in Figure 18. The baby wants a toy. As a group we take a look at the "cluster" and it calls and sings; notice what it is saying. Then we discuss some of the Birds perching in trees it pours out wishes It is raining wishes to the overhead stars. avlORIZE .57RUCUIRED Twinkling stars up in the air UGH! The rain hears; A/COMFORTABLE The clouds talk, people hear, the rain falls; R4ID the rain answers; '7"r4V5/0A/ The clouds listen; EXPRESSION the rain is slow coming; 5EN5 IT' VE The rain is very slow, it's sprinkling; the rain wets the face of the grass. The grass gets wet, the grass likes water. WALT-WIIITMAW By JENNIFER MICHELLE

Fig. 18. Clustering of Thoughts and 2From Good Morning, America, Copyright 1928, 1956, by Carl Sand- burg. Reprinted by permission of Harcourt Brace Jovanovich, Inc. (Note: Feelings Around Poetry Carl Sandburg's pt,..m will work equally well with students at higher grade levels, as will this entire concept.) A P-7 cy

35 This process allows for a personal involvement with duce the concept of the silent exchange. The students the poem and transforms the experience of poetry select a partner and, together, they participate in a from the dull process of analysis and memorization to written dialogue with each other. This exercise is done the intimate relationship of conversation. in silence. One student begins and writesa line; the Now, the students have an opportunity to share second student responds to that line. They alternate their creations aloud. As we read a line of the frame,a (in silence) until their "poem" is complete. Theymay student reads his or her response. We do this with illustrate their paper (still in silence) and place it ona bulletin board in the room. Sharing their poem orally with the class adds a special dimension. The following are two examples of the silent exchange done by fifth 7114-olot*toolitorkt.*#.444. grade students: 10:001:#;:01406*04.0.401i4ill* *flOren0.,:e*?kOn' -*egek0eibiessi Hot summer sun is shining. :JAbfFSR CRAY. Everyone is at the beach. The waves are talking. Are they talking to you? We go home in the dark. cool wind. several students on a one-to-one basis, and thcawe Are you going to str,y home? expand the process to im,lude two or more students in The wind is blowing. order to form a three- or four-personpoem. The fol- The wind is blowing the trees down. lowing is an example of a two-person dialogue with It is very cold and windy, "Summer Grass": So I sit by the fireplace. Summer grass aches and whispers. (Carl Sandburg's The wind blows the fire out, "Summer Grass") So I light the match and stick it in the fireplace. Rain on the grass and wind blowing. (Jennifer) I want to sleep by the fireplace. Summer grass smells good. (Travis) I dream about going to the beach again. It wants something: By ELEANOR VELEZ and SARAH ZAMPOGNA The baby wants a toy: It is hungry: A nice and pretty flower... it calls and sings; It sits in the grass dripping with water. birds perching in trees; The grass is wet and green.. it sings a song; We step on the wet green grass. it pours out wishes Unicorns are nice and magicful it is raining wishes Their horns are gold and pretty. it pours out your wish Pegasus is pretty too to the overhead stars. ... With white shining wings. twinkling stars up in the air. looking through a telescope. Leaves on a tree are brown and orange... The rain hears; They lie on the ground in autumn. The clouds talk, people hear, the rain falls; The trees have many colors... People like rain; Nice colors and gold leaves. the rain answers; By JENNIFER CAMIA the clouds listen; and BECKY PENDLETON the rain hears you, the rain listens; We have found that by using the prewritingprocess the rain is slow coming; of dialoguing as a natural extension of conversation, the rain is very slow, it's sprinkling; it's raining slowly; our students develop greater freedom and confidence in both their oral and written expression. The students the rain wets theface of the grass. "come alive" as they discover their own special "poet the grass gets wet, the grass likes water. within." Now they are ready to dialogue with the self the grass drinks water. and produce poetry that is uniquely theirown. By JENNIFER MICHELLE and TRAVIS BARE Again, we read Carl Sandburg's frame aloud as Jen- EDITOR'S NOTE: We especially acknowledge the contributions of Travis nifer and Travis read their responses to each line. Bare, Jennifer Canna, Jennifer Michelle, Becky Pendleton, Eleanor Velez, As the students experiencesuccess and confidence and Sarah Zampogna, fifth grade students at the Los Alamitos Elemen- tary School. in this process, we nowremove the frame and intro-

36 48 pattern Writing After my students have read the passages from Tom Sawyer, I guide them, through directed questioning, with Novels to develop their own methods of getting rid of warts. for Adolescents Some possible questions the teacher might ask and expected responses from students for this portion of By Elizabeth Williams Reeves the prewriting phase follow: Teacher, Pine Middle School, I. Where do you need to go to be cured of warts? Los Alamitos Unified School District; and Teacher/Consultant, UCI Writing Project A darkgarage ... up in aplane... haunted house ... a stranger's kitchen ... asubterranean lake I have found that certain novels provide adolescents 2. What time would you need to go? with marvelous springboards for writing experiences. Any time ...midnight...three in the morning Emulating an author's style and content can be quite 3. Who or what should you bring with you? simple for students if the literature they read is vivid No one ... yourbaby sister... athree-eyed frog... a and motivating. For these reasons I have utilized The ten foot snake Adventures of Tom Sawyer at the fifth grade level to 4. What other materials should youtake? help my students develop written language skills. P a i l ... shovel ... matches ...bag... book of cures In one section of his novel, Mark Twain creates a conversation between Huck Finn and Tom Sawyer 5. What would you do once you arrived at the appro- regarding the removal of warts. You may recall the priate location? scene. On his way to school, Tom comes upon the Varied responses "juvenile pariah of the village, Huckleberry Finn," 6. Is there a chant you would need to say? carrying a dead cat, and he asks, "Saywhat is dead "Wart, wart, off you go, where you vanish It ell never cats good for, Huck?" know." "Good for? Cure warts with," Huck replies. Then Tom tries to convince Huck that "spunk-water" is bet- Next, students are given an outline that aids them in ter, but his curiosity about the use of dead cats to cure structuring their writing. The outline for this particu- warts prompts him to ask Huck about the procedure. lar lesson and a sample of the student writing generated Huck replies that you stand by the grave of an evil from the exercise follow: person "'long about midnight," wait for the devil to come along to take "that feller away," and then, "you OUTLINE FOR THE LESSON heave your cat after 'em and say, 'Devil follow corpse, Though many people promote various means of curing cat follow devil, warts follow cat, I'm done with ye!' .,arts, I have one sure-fire method. That'll fetch any wart," Huck tells Tom. Certain things are essential.

First, Once there, Next, Before SAMPLE OF STUDENT WRITING Though many people promote various means of curing warts, I have one sure-fire method. Three things are essential: a fat green frog with warts, a bar of soap, and a pond. First, you collect your frog and soap and venture off toward the pond while the sun is high. Once there, expose all your warts to the sun, and begin scrubbing them with th, soap. Next, pick up the frog and throw him as far out into the pond as possible. Before he can turn around to look at you, run as fast as you can into the woods. By the time you reach he me, your warts should be gone. Students usually find this kind of patterning experience challenging and fun. It enables me not only to reinforce the literature we are reading with writing but also to teach sequencing and transition skills. i tl 37 f;;

Prewriting Assignments Acrossthe Curriculum Science + English = Success

By Jim Lee Former English Teacher, Serrano Intermediate School, Saddleback Valley Unified School District; and Teacher/Consultant, UCE Writing Project

It has long been a premise of mine that studentscan After clustering their thoughts about the aestivating benefit greatly from some sort of prewriting 'ctivity. No snail, each student put a drop of wateron his or her matter what the assigned topic may be, it is to your snail's body and watched as it emerged from its shell. advantage as a teach- to get yo.students' thoughts The students then clustered their observations ofthe flowing freely. Then the students net.s put tie thoughts snails emerging from aestivation,asillustratedin on paper so that they become workable parts that may be Figure 19. pieced together to form thc. "pe-fect"paper that most The next step in the pre .vriting activity students believe they should be able to write. was to observe snails eating. We rve snails a variety of leaves The prewriting activity that I have selected to describe that were native to the immediate environment (in for you is one I used in conjunction witha series of science other words, whatever can be collected during the experiments on a well-known backyard ntuskthe morning before the afternoon lesson). The students snail. My goal was twofold: (1) to integrate scientific then recorded in a third set of clusteq the snails' observation and experimentation with the teaching of dietary habits, as shown in the third composition; and (2) to provide a concrete experience par, Figure 19. that would enrible my students tograsp the abstract From this experimental/sensory prewriting activity, concept of aestivation and its application to backyard the students shared the results of their clustering orally mollusks. As you may or may not know, aestivation isa with the rest of the class. I had all of the information that state of physical inactivity (dormancy or hibernation) the students volunteered recorded on the chalkboard and that snails go into when theyare deprived of food and categorized under one of three headings: Description, water. Emergence from Aestivation, Eating Habits. Asan I began this activity by giving every studentan aestivat- example, a class of seventh grade honor students devel- ing snail and instructed my students to examine their oped the following list of descriptions of aestivating respective snails in terms of color, texture, shape, size, snails: and so forth. Then I asked the students to record their Basic brown observations in clusters, which provided them witha Coiled a nautilus shell foundation for eventual sentence and paragraph devel- Sealed a tomb opment. (See Figure 19 for an example of the clustering Dead of observations.) Tortoise shell color

38 Bizarre striations 2. Narrative. Write a story in which you speculate or fanta- Ribbed texture size about how the snail got its shell. Smooth strips with bumps in between 3. Expository. Suppose that the sun is moving closer to the Reminds me of a spinning top earth each day. Using the theories of natural selection and Spirals out like a pinwheel survival of the fittest, project what physical changes Intricate pattern fades as it nears the opening might occur in the snail as it attempts to cope with its Yellowish tan and dark brown stripes changing environment. Looks like a ram's horn from the side Gross! Looks like Princess Leah's hair Has multicolored ribs along the shell Ribs get farther apart as they move away from the center Boring Fragile looking After a period of sharing observations, the students took the sentence fragments and turned them into simple sentences. Then they shared their sentences, and a lesson on sentence combining evolved from the collected responses, as shown in the following example:

Original Simple Sentences 1. My snail is basically brow) 2. A snail shell is coiled like a nautilus shell. 3. An aestivating snail is sealed like a tomb. 4. An aestivating snail looks dead. 5. A snail is colored like a tortoise. 6. A "backyard mollusk" has bizarre striations on its shell. 7. The intricate pattern on a snail shell fades as it nears the opening. 8. A snail shell is fragile. 9. A snail shell spirals out from the center. 10. A snail has a gold, tan, and dark brown shell. 11. The pattern of a snail is less impressive as it moves toward the opening. LeetVe3 A- Sentences in Combined Form i smA a--rR.41L" 095 tr pi ove.5 1. The snail's coiled shell is fragile. 2. An aestivating snail appears to be dead and is sealed in a fragile tomb made of shell. 3. A snail has a shell with gold, tan, and dark brown VOR4C10115 striations. APperrre-- 4. A snail has an intricate pattern of gold, tan, and dark ZEAVE5 Al NtgE7/11 brown striations that fade to a basic brown as they -rile -its9p Lhe E A leni7RE7TE.131heeV approach the opening. Ifraiweire3414414154 0g41736X CRegyABotti- These activities covered the spectrum of experiential, 144615a/S oral, and written prewriting and provided my students P/ETAR y .1.401/E5 with a foundation from which they could write a DICRONDRAD HAMS ac 0 IRIS descriptive, narrative, or expository essay. SWAY LS The following are examples of prompts that were an outgrowth from our experiments: evaivracir 1 Descriptive. Write an account of a day in the life of a ausrpagE5,4gathvo snail. Write from the snail's perspective, and include as much specific detail as possible. Incorporate as much factual data as possible to give added credence to your writing. Use as many sensory/ descriptive phrases as Fig. 19 Clustering the Descriptions and Obser- possible. vations of Snails

39 As a California Writing Project zealot, I would be remiss if I did not encourage, cajole, and,yes, even beg you to become actively involved in the teaching of composition. Through the use of prewriting activities and well- designed prompts, you can convince your students that writing, although painful at times, can be exciting, challenging, and rewarding. Once your students understand that good writing is a product of systematically acquired skills and that those skills are learned rather than inher- ited, they will be much more optimistic about becoming good writers.

Pjactical Ideas for Prewriting in Different Subjects

APrimary a circle around it, added the word aestivating and explained its meaning. Experience I instructed each child to examine his or her snail. As with Snails we discussed the snails, I asked about the snail's breathing, its color, texture, shape, size, and its unpopularity. By Charrie Hunter As the children volunteered their reactions, I added their Teacher, Maple Hill Elementary School, words to a group cluster on the board. Then we puta Walnut Valley Unified School District; drop of water on each snail to wake eachone up and and Teacher/Consultant, UCI Writing Project passed out the plastic wrap. J continued the cluster with questions like: Where are its eyes? Can it hear? (Clap After seeing a demonstration of Jim Lee's "Science t hands.) What happens if you touch it? I introducedsome English = Success" lesson at the 1980 UCI Writing Project new words and talked about each one. tentacles, feelers, Summer Institute, I decided to try it with my first and and foci. What is the motion of its foot? (Children let second graders. They had had many previous writing their snails crawl up the plastic wrap as they held it up.) experiences and were well acquainted with the procedure I passed out the rocks and asked more questions. Will involved. These children were excited about each and it move over or around a rock? Does it leavea trail? What every writing assignment they were given and were ea- is the trail like? I passed out the leases to each child and gerly awaiting the arils als of their "surprise" animal! continued with the discussion and cluster. Where is the Before starting the lesson, you will need to assemble snail's mouth? Does it have teeth? What kind of leaves the following items: 40 aestivating snails, one rock for does it like and dislike? each child, one margarine container with water in it for By this time the chalkboard was covered with words, each group of children, one large piece of plastic wrap for and the children were ready to write. I collected all the each child (12 in. x 12 in. [2.5 cm] or larger), and three snails and equipment and passed out a "shape" book to different kinds of leaves for each child. Note thatsome each cl :1d. This book has a construction papercover and snails have problems waking, so you will need some extra back with several sheets of writing paper inside. The book snails. Also, if you must make the snails go into aestis a- is fastened at the edge, and then the children cut itout (in tion, placing them in a large paper bag seemed to work,as this case) in the shape of a snail. The classwas then told they need a dry environment to sleep. My snails were what the topic of their story was. Theywere to write a crawling all over the place for about two days until I story about a day in the life of a snail. We discussed this figured out how to keep their environment dry. tcpic to generate ideas, and then I wrote the rubric on the Before you pass out the snails, you need to give a hu:c board. Every story must include. (1) what the snail looks pep talk on this animal, otherwise, the children will b, like; (2) how it moves; (3) what it does ina day; and (4) hesitant to touch them. I had acquainted myself with how your friends feel about the snail. some stories about snails and brought these to share. At this point, I walked around the room and helped After stimulating their curiosity with some sample books those children who needed help. Each childwas and illustrations, I handed each child an aestivating snail. allowed as much time as he or she needed to complete Then I wrote the word snail on the chalkboard and drew the story. Some took several days. I do not have chil-

40 dren of this age rewrite because I find that rewriting destroys their fluency. I am continually amazed at I believe the primary function of language their desire to achieve perfection without my requiring is in a word, survivaland not simply it. Once the children understood what good handwrit- survival in a social sense. I mean survival ing, punctuation, and capitalization were, they used as the biologists use the term. them. OWENTHOMAS After everyone had completed his or her shape book, we read each story out loud, considered whether the writer had done everything that was in the down. A good way to begin a science course is to rubric, and graded the paper accordingly. The chil- make these kinds of problems the basis for the year's dren received a smiley face with hair 00 if they science curriculum. The students develop a giant class had completed all the tasks or a plain smiley face if cluster by identifying every scientific problem that they had not 0.(I always try to lake it as positive comes to mind. They classify the cluster of questions an experience as possible.) in categories that become the units of study, and they The children in my class loved this "hands-on" writ- recognize that it is necessary for the cluster to remain ing experience, and the resulting stories were magnifi- open-ended in order to accommodate incidental scien- cent. One story was published in its entirety in the tific questions that may arise throughout the year. district newspaper, along with pictures of my class At the beginning of each unit of study, the science and an article about the California Writing Project. class is divided into smaller study groups, with each group selecting from the unit list a problem that it will study. As the students begin scientific experiments to solve their problems, they find that it is essential to keep journals. The journal, which includes a complete Science Search account of each stage of the experiments, is the perfect The Write Way vehicle for practicing different types of writing. The students write daily in their journals and are encouraged to explore all the domains in writing. By Patricia Gatlin Throughout the study, students must observe care- Teacher, Perry Elementary School, fully the characteristics of their experiments. Acute Huntington Beach City Elementary School District; observation is the key ingredient for successful se iso- and Teacher/Consultant, MI Writing Project ry/desc:iptive writing. A quick glance will not provide adequate details to describe a particular stage of an Writing is a great way to stimulate student interest experiment. Students must be alert to all of the sen- in science because it fits so naturally in the science sory characteristics of the substances used in their curriculum. When students complain that science is experiments. We, their readers, must be able to boring, they are saying that science has no meaning imagine from the written descriptions the feel, the for them; it has nothing to do with their daily lives. If smell, and tht sound, as well as the physical character- a scientific study is to have meaning, it must relate to istics, of the substances used in the experiments. something in the students' experiences; it must be a The practical/ informative mode is the natural style real life application of a scientific concept. Students for students to use in reporting the findings of their may not be particularly interested in the composition and movements of the earth until they feel their 1111111111115 houses bouncing around on top of shaky ground. But map - once they have calmed down, they may find that they ...cra are asking, "What's going on here?" or "What's causing this?" Now they have a scientific problem--a question that they are itching to answerthat grew from their unique experiences in the environment. Scien- 4 tific experiments, though memorable and entertaining, achieve additional meaning for students when they have opportunities to write about the experiments and react to what they observe. Occasionally, every person has scientific problems of some kind that need to be solved. Ma:1y of us might consider it handy information to know how long it takes milk to spoil, just in case the refrigerator breaks 1=1111W"

41 experiments. However, the analytical,' expository style school and the practicalities of their immediate envi- may be more appropriate if students are asked to per- ronments. At the same time, writing about science can suade other class members that the results of their appeal to something inside students, as they search for experiments provide valid answers to their original self-understanding and discover their relationships to questions. There are times when providing such proof the universe around them. is truly a reasonable concern. Analytical writing is also appropriate for students' concluding journal entries. At this point, they should reflecton the complete process of the experiment and decide whetheror not (1) they solved the original scientific problem; (2) the Journal Writing Across study triggered additional questions; (3) other questions were answered incidentally during the experi- the Curriculum ment; (4) some things surprised, pleased, or disturbed them; and (5) they would follow the same procedures By Margaret (Peg) Serences to solve the same problem again. English Department Chairperson, Using the imaginative/narrative style, studentscan Niguel Hills Junior High School, create a story based on the experiment, tracing their Capistrano Unified School District; observations from the beginning lo the end. Theymay and Teacher/Consultant, Ur' Writing ?Ioject retell the story, changing one of the variables and drawing a new conclusion, or perhaps retell the story During the first UCI ,,ing Project in the summer from a different point of view. For exampi: a student of 1979, using journal writing in the classroomwas might pretend to be the voice of the moldy bread discussed and demonstrated. Speakers stressed that housed within the petri dish. the goal of using this writing approach was fluency. 1 Students should be encouraged to explore different was intrigued because I am always anxious to find formats in their journals. They may choosea poetic new ways to encourage students to write. Of the vary- format, or they may write a short play for puppetsor ing corms then mentionede.g., diary entry, autobio- people. The teacher should encourage class members graphical sketch, creative writing exercises, learning to write in any way that feels comfortable to them at aid, and idea collectingI chcse to incorporate the the time. It is important that they feel good about creative writing journal format in my seventh and their writing, because they will be sharinga journal eighth grade curricula. For three days a week, stu- entry with the class during their group's presentations dents were asked to write for ten to fifteen minutes on given at the close of each unit. For thesepresenta- a topiz, which was generally teacher- selected. I found tions, each student will share a writing selection that this type of journal writing especially productive when he or she feels is an example of the most interestingor I imposed a time limit, and it provided a prewriting exciting part of the experiment. During these sharing stimulus to get my students writing. times, the class can get a glimpse of differentways to In the English classroom I had students keep their approach future scientific problems. journal entries in a special writing folder. After the writing folder contained several writing samples, the The production of language begins when students selected one of their favorites to rewrite :ind a develop into a short composition. Working in groups child reacts to an experience of four (students were allowed to form theirown in the environment and begins to think groups), each student would then read the rewritten about it (conceptualization) and, in turn, composition aloud to the other members of the group. to talk about it (verbalization). Istressed the importance of "hearing" their own vmainiEALDW IN words; this proved an excellent tool for catchingsen- tence fragments and run-on sentences. Next, each stu- By integrating writing with science, the teacher is dent graded each of the four compositions, using the providing students with the ideal setting in which to response guide that I provided. Finally, I graded ail practice decision-making skills, such as identifying the papers myself, giving a grade for the compositions cause and effect relationships, drawing conclusions and a separate grade fo the student's ability to grade based on evidence, and analyzing possibilities. Writ- someone else's work. ing enables students to extend thinking beyond the Since I had such good results with journal writing basic comprehension level, which is characteristic of in my cl. s!,es, I began to wonder 'now this writing questions found in most textbooks It also links scien- approach would work in other disciplines. As chair- tific study to the students' outside experiences as they person of the English Department, I encouraged make connections between the principles learned at teachers in mathematics, music, physical education,

42 science, and social studies to try weekly or biweekly journal writing projects. I stressed that students could write to discover what they had learned about a subject and that teachers could use their students' journals as a way of determining how effectively they were teaching. Several teachers volunteered to initiate journal writing to see whether it would be a useful learning tool. Here are some student writing samples from other curricular areas: Physical education: Why I like baseball best of all! With the insights gained from journal writing, sev- I like baseball because...it's fun to try to hit the little eral teachers, especially in the area of social studies, ball and run around the bases. It's exciting to throw the began to integram writing in their respective subject ball to another player to get the runnel out. Baseball is a areas. I also noticed the use of essay questions as a game of skill. It takes lots of practice to be good. You replacement for the standard multiple-choice exami- have to have a good coach too. When you're in a league, nation.It seems to me that the journal writing you can meet people and make friends, learn things, and assigned in other disciplines reinforced and, therefore, have fun. Also, if you have a good team, you can win a strengthened our English program. At the same time, trophy. When the season is over, you get to keep the hats it enabled students to explore what they thought and the friends too. about a given topic in a way that could never be That is why I like baseball. expressed in a fill-in-the-blank or true-false examina- Music: Compare three selections of music. tion. After listening to the three pieces of music, I've decided that they all have a beat of some kind. First let me define beatpulse. But after listening to the third piece, "Sounds," it seems to be different from the others because the first two seemed to use more instruments uided Imagery that flowed into a steady rhythm. They also had a more defined melody and harmony, so it blended together to in the Social Studies create music. Science: What did you learn from dissectiag a frog? By Dale Sprowl Purpose: Mrs. "B" told us to, so we could learn more English Teacher, Irvine High School, about the internal parts of a frog. Irvine Unified School District; and TPlcher/ Consultant, UCI Writing Project Observation: On the frog I cut open, I noticed that the skin is almost like rubber. When we cut open the frog, A successful method for teaching social studies we saw a layer of muscles, which was gross looking. Then we cut that apart and saw a bunch of yellow concepts is guided imagery. It can be used to help intestine-looking things. Mrs. "B" told us it was where students visualize and, thus, internalize different times she produces the eggs, so we had a girl. Her insides are and places. Writing for secondary social studies very clear to see. It was a good study. classes is generally in the analytical/ expository do- Conclusion: I think the frog's insides are clear, easy to main, but guided imagery provides students with sen- observe, and neat. sory /descriptive data that involve them personally and give them a foundation for further writing. The Drama: How do you express emotions on stage? technique can also be used to introduce ideas in a unit I make my emotions on stage by thinking .n really of study v hen the culmination of the unit is the wa it- that person. I try to really get into it. I rem amber how ing of an analytical/ expository essay. people in real life would act. Before I get on stage, I have To teach a concept, such as the impact of technol- to make my emotions first. I try not to be me acting like ogy on humans, I begin with an image of a present, someone else. I try to be them. familiar situation. For example, if I were teaching Social studies. What Wdo life like in the Colonies? about the industrial revolution and how the invention Life in the Colonies was pretty good because it was eas- of machines changed history, I would ask the students ier to get land here, and in Europe it was hard. It was to close their eyes and picture themselves in their bad for the slaves because they were bought and sold. It bathrooms getting ready for school. Then I would ask turned gloomy in 1763 because England was in debt in them to erase any machine from their mental picture. the war, and so they started taxing the Colonies. Then I have them take awa:' their blow i-yers, electric the Colonies got mad at England and the Reolutonary toothbrushes or curlers, and the lights in the bath- War startel, and the Colonies won the war. room. Then I have them move to the bedroom and outside the English classroom: mailbags from historical sites and miscellany.

Mailbags from Historical Sites Mailbags from Historical Sites is a class project, but each student is completely responsible for hisor her own part of the mail in the bag and for helping create a mailbag 2s it might have been filled when it left an important historical site. The mail in the bag should represent the writings of as fulla range of people in the community as possible, and the destina- tions of the letters should be as diverse as possible. The purpose of the assignment is-. to enable the stu- erase the stereo and the clothes or furniture that were dents to sense the ambiance of another place and time made in factories. In the 'Wing room, I have the stu- acid to feel the past as if they were living in it. dents erase the television, video games, and electric In preparation for creating the mailbag, the stu- lights; in the kitchen, the refrigerator, stove, dish- dents should make a list of the people apt to be ina washer, washer, dryer, and so on. (This image would particular place at a particular time. For example, ina have to be modified for low socioeconomic students.) Gold Rush town one might find miners, dance hall After the students have erased appliances, large and girls, preachers and their wives, stable boys, horse small, I ask them to take away the walls and the carpet thieves, cowboys, teachers, doctors, merchants. and or floor, because the entire structure is made from machine-made goods. (A colleague of mineuses a similar image to teach about poverty.) After creating the image, I ask the students toopen "Then our jab is not.O. get hingOte into their eyes, and we discuss how life was more difficult the heactof nthik: Oar- ph before the industrial revolution. Then I ask them to write about the differences they can see in the life-style ATrACHiltalkiVEDayOwEarnioilAs before and after the industrial revolution, including the problems that people of that time period had that we do not have and the problems that we have that so on. Each of these would be living a different life in they did not have. The technique involves students this town and have a different attitude about being and helps them to learn about the impact of machines there. For the most part, they would not care aboutor on human beings and to conside- and evaluate the even be aware of being a part of history. They would results of technological change. Similar guided imag- be concerned primarily with their daily lives. Each of eries could be used to teach concepts about the results these people would have different reasons for sending of hunger, genetic engineering, nuclearwar, and many mail. other topics. After developing a large list of people ina Gold Rush town and discussing how each might view life there, the students should then project what kinds of Mailbags and letters each might write and to whor.a. For instance,a Miscellany: Writing preacher's wife might be miserable and write to tell her mother so. The preacher might be inquiring about in History Classes inexpensive Bibles. A horse thief about to be hung might write to bid farewell to his true love. After this By Laurel Corona part of the project is thoroughly brainstormed, the Director of OASIS, students should pick which character interests them University of California, San Diego the most and then write a letter for the bag. The teacher should encourage the students to adopt a writ- Most young people enjoy writing when the assigning style, tone, and point of view appropriate to the ments are enjoyable and when they allow them touse character they are writing through. their imaginations, their senses of humor, and their Some creative student might make a bag at home, growing sensitivity to the life situations of others. The or one could be fashioned from a paper sack. The following two class activities promote this kind of most likely way to display the completed project pleasure in writing and allow for creative expression would be to create a montage in the classroom,Der-

44 haps with colored string connecting each letter to the Vincent van Gogh, or Michelangelo Buonarroti, or bag. Wall space and grade level would, of course, dic- Pablo Picasso, the miscellany project might be adapted. tate how such a project would be "published." Similarly, students of Spanish or any other foreign language might create a town and its inhabitants and Miscellany create a mailbag from that town. Miscellany is a class project that is similar to the And, teachers, do not lel. your students have all the one featuring mailbags, but more of the work should fun. Indulge your own fantasies about dance hall girls be done in small groups. Rather than create the fin- or cattle rustlers. Willingness to do your own assign- ished products that letters represent, in the miscellany ments is he single best way to validate them in your activity the students create the debris of an important students' eyes. historical event. For instance, they might imagine what General Ulysses S. Grant's tent looked like after the deciding battle of the Civil War or what his quar- ters at Appomattox looked like several days later. As just a Few Words a way of comparing and contrasting the two sides in the war, the class might be divided into a group on Sentence Combining responsible for creating the miscellany of the Union Across the Curriculum general's side and a group responsible for the Confed- erate general's miscellany. Miscellany might consist of battle plans, discarded communiques, drafts of speeches, By William Lomax letters to and from home or the President, and so English Teacher, Benjamin Franklin High School, forth. In order to create good, verisimilar debris, the Los Angeles Unified School District students would have to research the subject thoroughly. Because of this, a project of this sort, if expec- Note: The following is a sample of my address regarding sentence combining to a group of 32 high school teachers tations are clearly delineated, makes an excellent from several subject areas. z.'trnative to a term paper. Both of the projects described above can be suited All right, how many of you out there...(Is eve- to different grade levels and ability levels and also to rybody listening?)... how many of you have used different subject matter. Although history students sentence combining in your classroom in the last, oh, would probably benefit most from such activities, six months? Three, five, six, seven...Sir, is your teachers of other subjects might also be able to adapt hand up? Okay, eight. That's it? All right, how many these ideas for their classes. For example, if a science of you eight are English teachers? All eight, huh. class is learning about Louis Pasteur, or Pierre and What about the other, urn, 24 of you? What do you Marie Curie, or Galileo, or if an art class is studying teach? History...Spanish...scicice . government. And how many of you get consistently poor writing from your students? Okay, and how many of you would like to get 1-etter writing from your students? it's unanimous again. Well, my friends, let's talk about sentence combining. It may be able to help. I won't take your time now to go through the research and theory of sentence combining; it's a well- established technique. There are plenty of books available, and it's basically a very simple process. Just ask your local English teacher for a little assistance. I've used sentence combining for several years, and I'm going to describe for you what I think works best. Sentence combining work should be regular, but never routine. Establish your pattern; then keep it going, but vary it. Have students write the exercises one day; then do them orally the next. Give them as homework, do group work or choral readings, and have competitions between the groups. Use your imagination and sustain a sense of play. Above all, keep at it. After students have learned the basic system, you may spend as little as five minutes a day,

ti4 45 But what about you other teachers? You're all sitting politely, but the muscles in your cheeks are twitching. You're all asking, what's in it for me, right? What's in it is better writingfor all classrooms. Justa few minutes ago, you all said that's what you wanted. Here's the point: Combining means more than just putting sentences together. It also means combining form and content. That is, while you're giving your students writing practice, they are simultaneously learning your subject matter. You teach history, you say? Then give them an exercise like this: A man was burned at the stake. The man was named Giordano Bruno. He was burned in the year 1600. He was burned in Rome. And so on. Now that one is a far cry from the simple three times a week, on sentence combining. It doesn't little starter we looked at earlier, but it shows where take much time, but it should be regular and continu- you can go with sentence combining. You science ous. There is no goal to sentence combining except teachers, try this one: better writing, so use it throughout the year. Remem- 1. Each nerve cell in the body has four major parts. ber, too, that there are no "wrong" answers insen- tence combining, only "better sentence combinations." One part is the dendrites, which receive messages from other cells. Help students to see that writing is a process anda One part is the nerve cell body. skill, not something that is right orwrong. A single pagefive to eight exercisesis enough One part'sthe axon down which the messages pass. for one day, once the routine is established, buteven One part is the synapses, which communicate with that can be varied. I prefer to use at least two pages other cells. per session. The four basic "signals" used by Frank 2. Each axon is surrounded by a sheath of fatty material O'Hare to instruct students (underlining, crossouts, This fatty material is known as myelin. SOMETHING words, and parentheses) are easily 3. Myelin does three things. learned, but they are addictive) They are harder to Myelin insulates axons so nerve messages are not unlearn than to learn. That's why I regularly giveone short-circuited. page with signals and one page without signals from Myelin gives the white matter of the brain its the beginning. Start students off with signals with appearance. something simple, like this: Myelin accounts for the largenouns of fatty cho- I drove the car onto the freeway. lesterol in the brain. I drove the car slowly. Those are advanced exercisesyour early efforts I mean, really simple, right? You won't insult their being much simplerbut I think you can see my intelligence, because you'll steadily increase the diffi- point: Students are practicing writing while dealing culty of the exercisenever faster, however, than they with the subject matter of your course. can do them correctly. You will be surprised, I sus- Let's face it: Writing has, for some reason, been pect, at how fast they will prof -ess to more complex isolated in English classes. Students do learn to write exercises, once the signals are learned. there, but they don't see that what they learn in En- Now, I think the English teachers hereare probably glish is relevant to other classessimply because we familiar with all the different ways sentence combin- don't expect it of them. Writing should be taught in ing can be usedto teach vocabulary, sentencestruc- every classroom where it is used. No, we English ture, grammar, paragraphing, punctuation, literature teachers still teach writing as intensively as ever; the all that "stuff" that goes on in an English classroom.2 primary responsibility is still ours. But if you want better writing from your students, you must teach it !See Frank O'Hare, Sentence-Combining. Improving Student Writing for the same reason that an English teacher teaches Without Formal Grammar Ins:rm.:tun. Urbana, 1N.. National CoLm.41 of history with Nathaniel Hawthorne's The Scarlet Let- Teachers of English, 1973. Also see Jerry Judd's commentary 'tat appears later in this book. ter and science with Jack London's short story "To Build a Fire." Sentence combining can help you to .do 2For further information see William Lomax, "Sentence Combining Across the Curriculum," California English, 4 ol. 16 (November-Decem- just that without taking time from your own subject ber, 1980), 18-21. matter.

t.2 Nov, before we take a break, there's time for just a to snatch a toothpick of red or yellow, blue or green. couple of questions. Yes, ma'am,sentence combining Now darting a few more steps and taking another exercises do take time toprepare, but remember that plunging stoop,the runners scoop up another toothpick. you design them only once. They're good for therest From the 50-yard line, their teammatesscream, cheer, of your teaching career. Furthermore,there are plenty and exhort them to get back across the starting line of books on the market thatyou may use instead of before the ten-second whistle sounds. All therunners but creating your own. When you doyour own, however one cross the line as the whistle shrills. Knowing the especially you non-English teachersyoucan match rules, the latecomer turns and scatters his gathered them to your particular course content. I keepnon- toothpicks back across the grassy range in front of his consumable class sets of each of team, while the racers from other teams wrap their col- my one-page lessons lected toothpicks in tape and drop the small bundles into on file in the English office; other teacherscan then bags held by their teammates. check them out, use them, and return them for others to use. Students always write exercises on theirown paper. Science teachers, get your whole department The formation and reten, involved; share the work, andyour files will grow lion ofeoncepts are deep, quickly. Or ask your English teachers forassistance; en_ ed and enriched when they can use your exercises, too. Onceyour files are students arelictively established, you'll have aresource that will remain involved in their learning. valuable for years to come. Andyour students will be TODD MUCK better writers. One more wordand this is importantsentence combining is no substitute fora student's original writing. It is just a tool which hones writing ability. To the students, this game seems like Always require students to apply what theylearn from a cross between sentence combining to their own writing, and give a relay race and a treasure hunt, but what they soon them plenty of opportunity to do that. discover is that they are experiencing and experimenting with an important scientific concept, the natural Thank you all for your attention. Let's breaknow before we go to our workshops. Coffee and doughnuts phenomenon of protective coloration. Students need are in the foyer. no formal prior knowledge about protective coloration to play the game. In fact, it is better if they do not, for the lesson allows students to discoversome of the broad dynamics of protective coloration through their own observations and conclusions. As such, this lesson Snake in the Grass: serves as an ideal introduction to this scientific con- An Integrated Approach cept. to Concept Formation A large grassy area is needed to conduct thegame. Students are divided into roughly ten teams, with approximately three members per team. Teams line By Carl Babb up behind a line, leaving at least ten feet between each Science Teacher, Capistrano Valley High School, team. In front of each team, 40 colored toothpicks Capistrano Unified School District; are randomly distributed in a specified area called a and Instructor, Irvine Valley Community College range. Each group of toothpicks must be made up and Todd Huck of ten red, ten yellow, ten green, andten blue English Teacher, Thurston Middle School, toothpicks. The range should be about ten yards long Laguna Beach Unified School District; and three yards wide (see Figure 20). Finally, each and Codirector, UCI Writing Project team must choose a member to be a bagger as well Picture this: as a racer. The bagger's job is to collect toothpicks gathered during each race, to makesure they are taped It is third period. Out on the football field, linedup on the 50-yard line, are ten small groups of students. together and labeled, and to save them ina bag for One member of each group is tensed and ready torun; use during the next class. some are crouched; some are poised like sprinters in a To begin the game, the teacher blowsa whistle. The starting position. All are silent, waiting for the signal. first member of each team has ten secondsto run down Several yards in front of them, the teacher raises the the range, picking up as many toothpicksas possible, silver whistle to his lips, inhales slowly, hesitates, and one toothpick per stoop. When the ten-second whistle biNS. Ten students burst across the line, heads down, blows again, each team member must be backacross eyes on the grass, each stopping suddenly and stooping the starting line; or else he or she mistreturn the

47 collected toothpicks to the range. The players then minutes are up, take responses from class members wrap the gathered toothpicks in a piece of masking about the parallels they have observed and cluster tape, label the taped group with the number of the them on the chalkboard. Students are likely to see race (Race #1, Race #2, and so forth), and drop the obvious connections between the game and the labeled group into the bagger's bag. The procedure scenario, but if they do not go further in their thinking, of running races and labeling collected toothpicks is ask them to do a quick-h. rite in which they consider repeated until each group member has run three races. which snakes are likely to get eaten most often and Having played the ;lame, the students are now ready which ones might be least often victims of the hawks. to translate their kinesthetic experience into a carefully You will probably get a consensus that the red and considered scientific concept. They will do this, in part, yellow snakes are more likely to be eaten more often by using writing as a vehicle for discovery. Writing, than the blue or green snakes. Whatever their we know, is not merely a means of recording previ- speculations, tell the students that they can check out ously learned information; it is a tool for clarifying their hypotheses and draw some conclusions about the and stimulating thinking and for analyzing, interpret- factors that affect survival of the snakes by tabulath.g ing, and speculating about the meaning of gathered and analyzing the data they collected in yesterday's data. game. Begin the second day's lesson by asking the students Students meet in their teams and are given their to picture this scene: bag of toothpicks and tables and data sheets (see Imagine a large, grassy plain. Among the animals that Figure 21 for a sample). Students fill in Table 1 by populate this grassy plain are four distinctly colored counting the toothpicks gathered in each race and varieties of snakes. Some are reddish, some yellow, some tallying the numbers of each color. Next, students total blue, and some green. fhe natural predator that preys the number of toothpicks of all colors collected during on these snakes is a large species of hawk. The hawks each race and enter this value in the right-hand fly from mountains near the grassy plain, feeding on column. Table 2 simply helps students summarize and those snakes that they can find. consolidate the data from Table 1. Now, ask students to cluster for two minutes about Students now use their finished data sheets to write the connections they see between the scenario you have individual responses to the following data analysis just given them and yesterday's game. When the two questions. (An interesting option is to have students

Ranges (3 yards wide, each separated by 10 feet) 10-yard line

Toothpick distribution (gray areas)

1-yard line Three- 0 A A O A member A A 0 V A teams 0 A A 0 o A Team numbers (I) (2) (3) (4) (5) (6) (7) (8) (9) (10)

Fig. 20. A Diagram of Team Lines and Ranges

48 60 use their data sheets to generate 'iuestions of theirown to answer before the teacher provides them with the data analysis questions.) 1. Refer to Table 2. 0.1*410440111,1PrOijOrtp00.4):Yout., 04:444,.-A90 4.0 a What happens to the numbers of each toothpick 4.7:iif. Ond..190t;00.4cr. color as you go down the chart? ow *alders onativ;, h. Why do you think this is so? 2Refer to the right-hand column on Table 2. HOIUCE a Look at the total number of toothpicks picked up over three sets of races. What happens to these numbers? b. Why do you suppose that this is so? answers that reflect their best collaborative thinking. 3. a. Which color(s) was(were) pickedup most fre- Now, lead a large group discussion about their quently? answers, considering the kinds of thinking they had b. Draw a conclusion about why this isso. to do to get their answers. (An optional activity 4. a. Which colors were picked up least frequently? at this point is to draw a blank Table 3on the chalkboard b. Why do you think that this is so? and collect the numbers and colors of toothpicks 5. As you picked up toothpicks, was it easier to pick them gathered for the sets of races from each of thegroups up if they were clustered close together or scattered to get classwide totals and averages. Students far apart, or were they both equally easy to pick up? may then conclude whether data from Table 2or Table 3 are 6. As more and more toothpicks were removed from the mnre accurate and why, whether their small sampling grass, how did this affect the numbers you picked up? of data from Table 2 showeda trend that was When students finish the questions, have theteams supported by data on Table 3, and how thetotal meet, liscuss their responses, and compilea set of number of races influences theaccuracy of the data.)

Table 1. Toothpicks Collected by One Team Over Nine 10- Table 2. Consolidation of Data from Table 1 intoThree second Races. Divisions (Each team had three participants.) Number of toothpicks collected, Number of toothpicks collected, by color Total tooth- by color Total Number Number picks toothpicks of race Red Yellow Green Blue collected of race Red Yellow Green Blue per race Races 1-3 5 5 2 2 14 1 // I I I 5 Races 4-6 2 2 2 2 / // / 4 5 11 Races

7-9 2 2 1 1 6 3 // // 5

4 / / / 3 Table 3. Average Data Collected per Group, Basedon 5 / / / // 5 Class Average (n = 6)

6 Number of toothpicks collected, / / 2 by color Total tooth- Number picks of race Red Yellow Green Blue collected Races 7 / / 2 1-3 6 7 3 4 20 Races 8 / 2 / 4-6 4 4 2 4 14 Races 9 / / / 3 7-9 4 3 f 1 2 10

Fig. 21. Three Tables of Dataon Toothpick Experiment

49 Participation in the game, speculation about its be active? Depending on its color, is it better for it to meaning, compilation of data, collaboration with rnove quickly or to remain still when a pr 'ator is peers, and interpretation of the assembled information art;and? How might its color affect its search od? all provide prewriting activities that can lead to a Write a script for a television nature documentary that variety of writing experiences in different domains. describes and explains the fate of a group of snakes Here are a few sample prompts based on our snakes over nine days. Use your data table as the basis of and hawks scenario: your script. Analytical' Expository: The color of a snake may be Imaginative' Narrative. Using diary entries, write an helpful or harmful to its survival. Analyze and draw imaginary account of a week in the life of either a brightly conclusions about how the color of a snake affects its colored snake or a snake that blends inwithits chances for survival when it is the prey. environment. Consider some of these ideas. What might the snake encounter from day to day? What might it Pow does the number of snakes in an area affect their notice about the number and color of other snakes in chances for survival? Speculate about how it might its area over a period of time? What does it think about be advantageous for animals to travel in groups. and experience because of its color? When does it eat? What can you guess or infer about how the color of Why? How does its color affect its ability to get food? a snake might affect its chances for survival when it Does it travel with other snakes? How does it move when is a predator? it feels threatened? How might the data be different if the game were played on a red carpet instead of on grass? Students certainly could learn about the scientific concept of protective coloration through a traditional Based on the data you collected, which group of snakes do you think might first become extinct? Why? means, such as a lecture, without going through the Speculate on what colors might be found in a group rigamarole of this game and its attendant activities. of snakes in a thousand years. However, the quality of an educational experience and the formation and, especially, the retention of concepts Practical' Informative. Write a snake survival manual. In the manual tell your snake-reader what it should know that are embodied init are deepened and enriched in order to survive. What should it know if it is brightly when students are actively involved in their learning, colored? If itis colored so thatitblends withits when they have a chance to collaborate and share environment? What should it consider when choosing the insights, and when writing is integrated across the color and number of trawling -ompanions? Are there curriculum as a learning tool for heightening, refining, times of day when it would be safer for it to feed and and clarifying thinking.

62 50 I II I I II

A Training Program for Student Wri'ers By Rebekah Caplan English Teacher, Foothill High School, Amador Valley Joint High School District; and Teacher/ Consultant, Bay Area Writing Project

Year after year we make student writers cringe with reading and composition in a suburban middle school, the reminder to be specific. We write in margins next I realized the important connection between disci- to bracketed passages: Explain', describe. We extend plined practice in the arts and the need for it ina arrows over words and under words, we circle words, writing program. My first studentswere eighth grad- we draw lines through words, and we accompany our ers, and not knowing precisely what the junior high hieroglyphics with captions: "What doyou mean? school student needed to learn about writing, Iexper- Needs more detail: unclear." When we composeessay imented for a while. questions for examinations, we underline the whyor why not at the end of the question twiceso that our My Experiment with Eighth Grade Students students will realize the importance of that part of the For approximately three weeks I assignedmy response. Recently, I talked with one teacher who had eighth grade students a potpourri of writing exercises designed a rubber stamp which bore the words, GIVE and examined their papers carefully forcommon AN EXAMPLE, so that he would not have to scribble problems or strengths. I wanted to determine whatmy the phrase again and again. students already knew about good writing and how The assumption behind the Showing, not Telling, far I might expect to take them. It was not difficultto Training Program is that most students have not been discover in those first few weeks of my teachingcareer trained to show what they mean. By training, I do not that although these eighth graders did write with mean the occasional exercises taken from composi- enthusiasm and energy, not many of them wrote with tion textbooks, nor do I mean the experience gained color or sound or texture. In a description ofa stu- by writing perhaps eight major essays over thecourse dent's favorite movie, I would read: "Itwas fantastic of a semester. What I mean by training is the perform- because it was so real!" Or the description ofa strange ing of a daily mental warm-up, short and rigorous, person: "He is so weird." Or a description of a friend: which is not unlike the training routines of musicians, "She has the most fantastic personality." dancers, and athletes. Six years ago, while teaching The underlinings proved their earnestness, their sincerity. I attacked these empty descriptions, how- EDITOR'S NOTE :: This article is an excerpt from a monograph entitled Showing Writing: A Training Program to Help Students Be Specific, ever, and inscribed in the margins those same sugges- coauthored by Rebekah Caplan and Catherine Keech, and reprinted here tions that teachers have used foryears. In class I by permission of the Bay Area Writing Project, 1615 Tolman Hall, Uni- passed out models of rich descriptioncharacter versity of California, Berkeley, Berkeley, CA 94720. See also Writersin Training: A Guide to Developing a Composition Program, by Rebekah sketches by John Steinbeck, settings by Mark Twain, Caplan, published by Dale Seymour Publications, P. 0. Box 10888, Palo abstract ideas by Ray Bradbury. I advised the stu- Alto, CA 94303. dents, as they scanned the models and glanced backat 6,3 51 their own papers, that they needed to be that explicit, that good. That is what writing is all about. I said, "I know that you know what makes r. thunderstorm so The dffererice,betWeen- the right word and frightening. I know that you know the same things the almost.right word is the difference Mark Twain knew about a thunderstorm. Now what betWee.ilightning and the lighining bug; details did he use?" And we would list "the trees sway- .1lARKTWAIN ing" and the sky turning "blue-black" until we had every descriptive word classified on the chalkboard. "And now," I continued, "you describe a beautiful The memory struck me as being significant. The sunset in the same way that Mark Twain described the notion that each person has a personality that is storm." separate from looks or dress or wealth is a new thought to the junior high school student. I remember The writings from such follow-up assignments were admittedly better; but without the prepping, without using the same phrase, "a great personality," with fussing and reminding, I could not get students to fresh, original intentions in diaries and school papers. remember to use specifics naturally. With growing My friends and I were intrigued by the idea of person- frustration I tried to examine my history as a student ality more than any other idea. We were fascinated by people's differences; yet, we could not say exactly writer. I wanted to track down what it had been like what made us like one person and dislike another. for me to write in the eighth,,-le and what it was like for my students today. I war .4 to uncover when it Could it be, then, that I was demanding writing that was that I had reached a turning point or gained a my students were not ready to produce? It seemed sense of discovery about language and expression. crucial to respect their excitement over many of these When I tried to recall my own junior high expe- cliched discoveries. I had to allow room for naive, rience, however, I could not remember one assign- exploratory generalizations but, at the same time, challenge them to move beyond simple abstractions ment, let alone any instruction in writing. What I did remember was signing autograph books and passing and discover what concepts, like personality, were notes in class, recording memories in diaries, and sign- based onhow they derived their meanings from concrete perceptions. ing slam books. Those sorts of writings mattered the most. We cared deeply about who was one's friend An Examination of My Writing and who was one's enemy, who was loved, who was hated, who was worthy of secrets, who was not. And After examining what motivated my students, I as these issues came under judgment, we based our looked at myself as an adult writer. What kinds of verdict on the degree of someone's good personality. things did I strive for? I surely strove for specificity. In fact, the supreme compliment paid a friend in an For years I had kept a journal in which I commented autograph book amounted to "fantastic personali- on cycles of personal change. I usually began in a ty."And it is still so today. stream-of-consciousness style, listing sensations and noting the details that would explain my perceptions to myself. I wrote often, even if I had nothing to say, in the hope that I would discover something to write about. I believe this ritual of writing regularly developed from my training as a dancer and a pianist. As a young piano student, 1 practiced daily finger exercises to strengthen manual agility at the keyboard to prepare myself for a Bach concerto. As a young ballerina, I was forced to do leg lifts at the bar for 30 minutes for each lesson; the remaining 15 minutes were devoted to dancing. (How we longed for it to be the other way fund!) I notice that beginning artists practice drawing the human body again and again from varying angles, using different materialscharcoals, oils, inkto capture reality. In the drama classes I attended in college, we began acting lessons with short improvisations that allowed us to experiment with emotions before we rehearsed major scenes for a periurmance. In all thee cases, the learning, the mastering, came more from the practice than from the final presentation. G 4 52 My Training Program fir Student Writers house slippers. One man was in his undershirt. Another After drawing these s-sveral conclusions about the man wore shoes with the toes cut out, a soiled blue serge training of artists, I decided to build into my curricu- jacket and brown pants. There was somethingwrong lum a training program for student writersa pro- with these people. They made faces. A mouth smiled at gram in which I attempted to engrain craft and to nothing, and unsmiled, smiled and unsmiled. A head shook in vehement denial. Most of them carried brown make the use of specific detail automatic, habitual, paper bags rolled tight against their stomachs.' through regular and rigorous practice. I createda writing program that included these coordinating When asked to distinguish the differences between tasks: the two paragraphs, most students respond by saying 1. Practicing daily the expanding ofa general the second paragraph is better because theycan pic- statement into a paragraph ture the scene more easily. They think the people in 2. Applying the difference between telling and paragraph two are "weird, poor, and lonely," (all tell- showing in the editing process ing ideas). But this interpretation comes from the pic- 3. Practicing specific ways to select andarrange tures (the students' word), pictures of people wearing concrete details in developing an idea or struc- torn clothing, carrying brown paper bags instead of turing an essay lunch boxes, wearing unhappy expressionson their faces. Student writers can easily discern good descrip- Next, I will describe the initial phase of my training tion. Getting them to write with close detail isnot program. managed as smoothly. Since students need the discipline of a regularrou- tine to reinforce the use of concrete details in place of, or in support of, their generalizations, I assign a daily homework challenge: I give them what I calla telling sentence. They must expand the thought in that sentence into i..1 entire paragraph which shows rather than tells. They take home sentences like these: The room is, ;leant. The jigsaw puzzle was difficult to assemble. Lunch period is too short. They bring back descriptive paragraphsshortor long, but always ietailed, and focused on demonstrating the thought expressed in the assigned tellingsen- tence. I challenge students not to use the original / statement in the paragraph at all. I ask them to convince me that a room is empty or a puzzle is hardto I remind students that the storybooks they readas assemble without once making that claim directly. very young children are filled with colorful illustra- The challenge is much like one in charades: They have tions that show the events described on accompanying to get an idea across without telling what it is. pages; the writer does not have to describe the lovely In order to establish the difference between telling red barn with the carved wooden trim, for the picture and showing, I distribute the following twopara- next to the caption, "The barn was beautiful," reveals graphs to ray students. The firstwas written by a sev- that idea. However, in more mature literature, draw- enth grader; the second, by novelist E. L. Doctorow. ings disappear from the pages, and the writerassumes Both passages concern a scene at a bus stop: the role of illustrator. Language must be the author's Telling: brush and palette. Following such a discussion, I initiate the daily training exercise and explain tostu- Each morning I ride the bus to school. I wait along with dents that they will expand one sentence each night the other people who ride my bus. Sometimes the bus is late and we get angry. Some guys start fights and stuff from telling to showing during the entire course of the just to have something to do. I'm always glad when the semester. bus finally comes. Below are sample daily sentences. These sentences Showing: are given in no particular order and are not necessarily linker by recurring themes. Sometimes students A bus arrived. It discharged its passengers, closed its themselves suggest sentences for successive assign- doors with a hiss, and disappeared over the crest of the hill. Not one of the people waiting at the bus stop had ments. By choosing generalizations familiar to stu- attempted to board. One woman wore a sweater that was IE. L. Doctorow, The Book of Daniel. New York: Random House, Inc., too small, a long loose skirt, white sweater socks, and C 1971, p. 5. Used by permission of the publisher.

65 53 dents, I increase the likelihood of effective elabora- dents know in advance that some papers will be read tion: to the class for analysis and evaluation. However, they She has a good personality. do not know which ones. As their papers might be The party was fun. among those I choose (my selections do not fall into a The pizza tasted good. predicatable pattern), the students are likely to be My parents seemed angry. prepared. The movie was frightening. The performance or sharing of improvisational or The concert was fantastic. experimental efforts is an important learning expe- The jocks think they're cool. rience for the selected performers and their audience. I was embarrassed. The first ten minutes of every class session, then, is My room was a mess. Foothill students have good school spirit. devoted to oral readings, not writing. I choose between five and seven writing samples, which I read The idea of daily writing s, of course, nothing new aloud to the class, and as a group we evaluate the in itself. I know many teachers who have their stt, density of detail. Where did this writer have success dents "write for ten minutes" the moment they come with interesting description? Where were his or her to class. My daily writing approach, however, is dif- details thin? This is the only time I do not comb the ferent in a number of ways. First, many teachers papers for errors in grammar, spelling, and usage, for assign topics for elaboration, such as school or family there is not time. Since we respond exclusively to con- or sports. Although a topic is open-ended and allows tent, students can give full attention to being specific more room for creativity, students often spend more without the pressure of being grammatically perfect. time trying to find something to say than they spend I grade each paper immediately as the discussion of in writing the composition. The type of statement I that paper concludes. Besides assigning an A, B, or C use is similar to the thesis, the controlling sentence of grade, I quickly write a general comment made by the an essay. The generalization supplies the point; the group: "great showing; too telling at the end," "great student is given the idea to support. Students are free imagination, but write more." This process takes only then to concentrate on experimenting with expres- a few seconds, and then I move on to the next reading. sions of that idea. Further, since they are all working I record a check in my gradebook for those papers not on the same idea, they are in a position to compare selected for reading. If students do not turn in writ- resultsto learn from one another's crafting. ings, they do not receive credit. All papers are Another departure from other daily writing warm- recorded and handed back before the end of the period, ups is that this daily writing is done at home. Students must come to class with pieces finished and ready to be evaluated. We do not wait ten minutes while they hastily scribble some sort of solution. I want to give them timeif they will use itto experiment with and think abut what they are trying to do. Importance of Sharing the Writing Finally, unlike private journals or some free-writing assignments, the exercises are written to be shared. I use the writings in much the same way that a drama instructor uses improvisation as an instri.ctional technique. The daily sentence expansion becomes a framework for practicing and discovering ways of showing ideas. Just as drama students search for ways of expressing ambition or despair by imagining themselves in real-life situations that would evoke these feelings and discovering ranges of bodily and facial expression, my students arrive at ways of showing "empty rooms" or "difficult puzzles" by experimenting with different kinds of language expression. I instruct them very little, preferring that students find their own solutions. But, finally, although the experimenting at home is free, not judged, the practice inclt.des an important element that parallels instruction in acting: the daily public performance. The stu-

54 66 giving the students immediate responses and recogni- time span. Their writings illustrate two important tion for their work. At the end of thesemester, I results of the daily practice: average the number of grades a student has earned in the series of assignments. 1. Students write more either because theyare finding it easier to generate more writing or because Advantages to Using a Daily Exercise they are working harder on the assignments (or both). There are five major advantages to using sucha 2. Students gain control over a wider range of daily training exercise with its follov,up sharing and techniques. discussion: 1. Students write almost every day. I do not assign sentences on the eve of an examination day, on The chkf pthpose of words is to convey days major assignments are due, or on holidays. thoughti,lind unless the wavektigtits of 2. I am freed from having to gradean entire set of the words are!ight, thkreceiyintippara) papers each night, yet I provide a daily evalua- his will utterly fail to pick up the thoughts, tion. If a student is disappointed becausea par- cEowornsmrpt ticular writing was not selected, I invite himor her to share it with me after class. This tendsto happen when the student has writtena good From the daily sentence, The new studentswere paragraph and wants me to enter a grade for this lonely, the freshman wrote the following at the begin- particular one, which I am glad to do. Itmay ning of the two-week time period: also happen when a student is unsure of his or It was the first day of school and there were two new her solution and wants help. students, Dick and Dan, who had moved over the 3. Students who are selected to perform hear useful summer. They were brothers and this was a new city and comments immediately. They do not have to school which they had come to, and in this school they wait a week to receive responses and construc- would have to make friends because neither of them tive criticisms. The other students learn fromthe knew anybody or anyone. process of specifying weaknesses as wellas As you will note, the freshman's writing iscom- strengths of work and from hearing suggestions posed eitirely of generalities (telling sentences). The given to the performing students bypeers and writ...:r explains the cause of the lonelinessa new city, teachers. new school, absence of old friendsbut unless he 4. Students learn new developmental techniques shows us his new surroundings, unfamiliar faces, and and linguistic patterns from each other. Students different customs to support those reasons, he will do assimilate new ideas for specificity by regularly little to convince us. Perhaps if he could contrast hearing other students' writing. In addition, they "playing pool with the gang at Old Mike's Pizza Par- often internalize the linguistic patterns of other lor" to the "eyes avoiding his unfamiliar face in the students either consciously or unconsciously. study hall," the night appreciate the realities of This process is similar to assimilating the speech "new city, new , newfriends." Here is the same patterns of a person with a different accent. freshman student's writing two weeks later; the daily After close association with thisperson, we may sentence was The crossword puzzle was difficult to tune our speech to the inflections of an attractive solve: or entertaining accent. I believe it is often easier The sixth row down got me stuck. It was plain to tell for students to learn from other students who that this crossword puzzle was rough. The puzzle, as it write well than from professional writers whose was, was made for a 12th grade level, a..d it made me feel solutions may be out of the students'range. as if I was in the 6th grade level. Intellectual words were 5. Students write for a specific audience. They included, such as "the square root" of 1,091,056 in four write with the expectation that classmatesmay digits and others. The next one was a five-letter word for hear their compositions the following day. There- philodendron, which was "plant" to my surprise. I,as a fore,. they usually put more effort into their writ- normal person, had a very hard time trying to figure out what an Australian green citrus fruit was with fourspaces. ing than thy.); would have given if the composi- Instinctively I gave up the whole game, as it was too tions were intended for their private journalsor frustrating to cope with. for a teacher's evaluation. The freshman's selection illustrates his improve- A selection of daily writing samples follows. Two ment in generating examples. The writer introduces students, a remedial freshman and a college-bound his subject by telling that the puzzlewas tough, but he sophomore, show growth and change over a two-week immediately proves his claim with a series of illustra- C " 55 lions: twelfth grade level versus sixth grade level, intellectual words like square root, unfamiliar plants and don't start a novel Or a play saying, I'll fruits that call for specialized knowledge. His writing write about such and such." I start is more enjoyable to read because of the examples he added. Notice also that his paragraph is longer, but he widran idgm '/),4 then find.out does not ramble or leave the point. 'whall'ntiOriting about. At the beginning of the two-week period, the WIL.t1AMINOR sophomore responded to the daily sentence: The room was vacant, by writing this: roller coaster was the scariest ride at the fair,as a The next show didn't start for another hour. As I prompt, he wrote: repositioned the spotlight in the upper balcony, the squeaks of the rusty screws seemed to echo throughout As I stood in line, I gazed up at the gigantic steel the desolate building. I walked down the aluminum tracks that looped around three times. The thunderous stairs that resounded with the sound of rain beating on a roar of the roller coaster sounded like a thunder cloud tin roof throughout the auditorium. I then opened the that had sunk into my ears and suddenly exploded. The curtains to the large, lonely stage which looked dark and wild screams of terror shot through me like a bolt of forbidding. As I put up the sets and decorated the stage, lightning and made my fingers tingle with felt% Soon I I guess it would seem to anyone walking in, that the heard the roar of the roller coaster cease. As the line room was very much alive with color and objects. But to started to move forward, I heard the clicking of the turn- me, even the set and decorated auditorium looked bare. stile move closer and closer. Finally, I got onto the load- ing deck and with a shaking hand gave the attendant my In the first half of the paragraph, this student care- ticket. fully constructs detail. Like many students trying to It seemed like I barely got seated when I felt a jolt master a skill, he concentrates intensely at first, very which signified the beginning of the ride. While the roller coaster edged up the large track, I kept pulling my seat- mindful of his task. However, there comes a point belt tighter and tighter until it felt like I was cutting off when, losing his fervor, he reverts to telling. With the all circulation from the waist down. At the crest of the sentence, "I then opened the curtains...," he aban- hill,I caught a glimpse of the quiet town which lay dons his use of specifics, relying instead on vague before me and gave me a feeling of peace and serenity. adjectives like "dark and forbidding," or general Suddenly my eyes felt like they were pushed all the way nouns such as "color and objects." back into my head, and the town had become a blur. A II Within two weeks, this student increased his obser- I could see was a mass of steel curving this way and that vational skills considerably. In addition, he was able Lis the roller coaster turned upside down. I was squeezing to sustain the use of vivid details throughout a much the safety bar so tight that my fingers seemed to be longer piece of writing. With the daily sentence, The embedded in the metal. I could see the landing deck, and I let out a deep breath that had been held inside ever since the first drop. As the roller coaster came to a halt, I felt weak and emotionally drained. When I stepped off onto the deck, I teetered a bit to the lett, but caught my balance quickly when I saw my friends waiting for me at the exit gate. I tried to look "normal," while trying to convince them ina weak voice that, "Oh, it was nothing." Even though he makes general claims"I felt weak and emotionally drained"he remembers to s ,pport his feeling with specific evidence: "When I stepped off onto the deck, I teetered a bit to the left...." Or, as he tries to look "normal," he proves this with dia- IMF logue: "Oh, it was nothing." This student puts himself in the experience every step of the narration. Two weeks earlier, he could not sustain such a practice. To summarize, the practice or showing, not telling, through daily sentence expansions provides a framework in which students can experiment and discover ways of showing ideas. It is a time for self - exploration in the attempt to attach meaning to experience; it is also a time for increasing fluency and creating a style and voice.

56 -Practical Ideas for TrainrgStudents to Show, No't Tell

preparing for Showing, by describing rather than telling. This not only Not Telling, increases their oral fluency but also prepares them for writing. Moreover, at the same time that theyare get- Through Share Days ting practice in speaking and, by extension, writing, they are also building problem-solving skills. By Michael Carr Teacher, Los Alamitos Elementary School, Los Alamitos Unified School District; preparing Junior and Teacher/Consultant, UCI Writing Project High School Students Rebekah Caplan's showing, not telling, technique for Showing, Not Telling can be taught effectively in kindergarten and first grade. But because many of the students may benon- By Marie Filardo readers or nonwriters, they will need some oral prepa- English and ESL Teacher, Serrano Intermediate School, ration. Share Days make wonderful prewritingexpe- Saddleback Valley Unified School District; riences for children who are making the transition and Teacher/Consultant, UCI Writing Project from speaking to writing. Essentially, Share Days are an updated version of Every September a new wave of students registers show and tell. A child brings an object to share to for intermediate school all decked out in their de- class, but the object 'must be hidden from view ina signer clothes and speaking a uniform language. bag or box. When it is his or her turn, the child comes Everything is "awesome," "radical," and "mega." to the front of the class, puts the item ia our share Conformity abounds. Unfortunately, the accepted box, and proceeds to describe it by answering these labels in their speech infiltrates their writing, and I questions: know I am in for countless papers filled with stilted, lifeless, abstract images. What is its shape? As an intermediate school teacher aware of the What is its color? social impact on writing, my initial step in preparing What is its texture? students for showing, not telling, is to make them What is it made of? aware of the cons,...iaences of lat. Aing. J. ;rst What do you do with it? assignment I ask my students to write a ltLix. a Who uses it? friend in which they recall a memorable place,person, What is it like? Can you compare it to anything or event that they encountered last summer. The fol- else? lowing samples indicate the extent to which labeling occurs in their writing: After the child describes his or her object byan- swering the questions cited above, selected students Dear Kim, get three tries to guess what the item is. See how you I remember when we went skin diving at Shaw's Cove. do on this example: It was rad. The item is round. Dear Tom, The colors are white and gold. Jim and I went surfing in Laguna. We caughtsome It's hard and smooth. really gnarly waves. It's made of rubber. Dear Michelle, You throw the item. My family and I went on the log ride at Knott's Berry People use it. Farm. It was awesome. It's like a flying saucer. Dear Collette, If you guessed a Frisbee, you are right. When the item Friday we all went to Dodger Stadium. We got a has been guessed correctly, or ail tries have been bunch of autographs. I wish you could hal,e gone. It was exhausted, the child can take the item out of the share spastic. box to show the class. Dear Heather, Using this process, children in my classare able to Our vacation in Hawaii was mega bucks but we had a construct orally the elements of a showing paragraph blast.

57 Dear Sandy, I had the most funnest summer. I went to a friend's house and played so many fun games. I stayed there hi- moroitatyre litetooe, really late and had the most funnest time. opPei#,frpm:00:POOis 1#4,i4Ovillfr After collecting the letters, I read them and under- iisslififid.ureiti3cOli11001,t0.444000. line the labeling words. In class the following day, we ingsfrk the (10406;hrit:th'iridialettf: work in pairs. I ask partners to question what they Ji'4EicAg,4i* envision when they hear a labeled word and to jet down specific details of their impressions. During a session of auestioning, students realize quickly what was awesome to one student might not have been aware of labels and their effect on writing, we concen- imagined by the other. In comparing notes, they see trate on replacing labels with words that are less ab- that each individual has conjured up a different image stract. It becomes our goal to replace a label with of the labeling word. An awesome day at the beach concrete images that can easily be perceived by our may prove to be a peaceful, lazy day for T orn, senses. For example, the awesome log ride at Knott's may mean surfing in 12 feet high waves to John. Berry Farm becomes a slow-ascending, winding, jar- When individual groups have had sufficient time to ring, fast-descending, or splashing ride. This process review several labeling words, I call the class together of replacing labels with concrete, explicit vocabulary and provide a list, such as the following, on which I focuses the students' attention on the pleasure of ask the students to identify words that may be inter- communicating more clearly. Indefinite words are preted differently. transformed into clear images. Once students are made aware of the pitfalls of Identifying Labels' labeling, it is necessary to provide them with the skills needed to further the attributes of showing rather Instructions: Find every label word in the list below and indicate it by than telling. These skills may include: printing "L" beside it. deafening green sexy 1. Vocabulary threadbare fantastic hateful 2. Metaphors and similes ugly malodorous fabulous 3. Techniques in imagery moss-covered frayed sturdy 4. Sentence structure close-cropped bumpy great 5. Paragraph form boring unlikable wonderful awful immoral upturned From evaluating my students' writing over a period slow- moving sharp-featured awesome of time, I am convinced that the progression of show- curly sweaty bug-eyed ing in their writing was directly proportional to the lovely foul-mouthed horrible writing, skills taught. This fact furthered my sense that splotchy adorable ragged it is essential to prepare students for showing beiure capable timid purple assigning descriptive, showing, not telling, para- blue and white fetid right graphs. checked amazing exciting Here is a sample of writing produced after a lesson pug-nosed looming obese cautious wild-eyed leathery on the use of similes in replacing labels: respectable Finding my way to class was like running in a mara- thon and not knowing where the Inish line was. While I In follow-up lessons we review labeling phrases and was finding my classes, I had a picture in my mind of labeling paragraphs. In an attempt to have students myself as a mouse quickly running so I wouldn't get become cognizant of labeling words in their daily stepped on. I felt very relieved at the end of the day, sort lives, I post a chart on which we record labels as they of like an experienced adult who has been working at a crop up in daily discussions. job for many years. After the second half of the day, I To counteract the unproductive cycle of labeling was pretty relaxed and not tense anymore. I had great which permeates both thinking and writing skills, fun that first day at Serrano. It was lik, a day at an labeling has to be identified as being generic and non- amusement park. definitive, a statement of opinion rather than fact, The following writing sample was generated after a subjective rather than objective. Once the students are combination of vocabulary, metaphors and similes, and sentence structure skills were taught: 'This is part of a list from Gene Stanford and Marie Smith's A Guide- book for Teaching Creative Writing. Newton, Mass.. Allyn & Bacon, Inc., The dark, brown-haired boy came and sat next to me c 1981, p. 4. Used by permission of the publisher. with disdain. When he sat down, he looked as if he was

58 0 about to throw his books at me with a great deal of strength. As the day went on, my head felt like it was howing, being pounded on while I worried about whether or not Not Telling: Setting, he was going to hit me. At lunch he would act very indomitable, like a boulder making its way through Characterization, Conflict other rocks to get his food. Even worse, he acted like his brain was as small as a sunflower seed. He, trying to By Laurie Opfell think, is worse than a pig trying to sing. Sometimes he Former Englisii Teacher, Irvine High School; would try to be funny. None of his jokes were very good. Graduate Student, University of Kentucky; But, you would have to laugh or he would pound you on and Teacher/Consultant, UCI Writing Project the head as if you were a nail and he were the hammer. So, if he tells you a joke, for your sake, laugh your head After having my students read short stories in an off or he'll knock it off. Introduction to Literature class, I decided to ask them Finally, this was a sample of writing taken after all to work in pairs to create their own short stores in five previously mentioned skills were taught: which they would describe a setting, establish a character, and develop a conflict. My experience with My Mother the Worker average student writing had led me to expect that the Evtn before the sun rises, my mother does, and she is results of this "story" assignment would prove to be already busy executing her daily tasks. She begins her the usual faresomewhat general and flat. Students day by preparing breakfast for our family. Perfectly seemed to have no problems telling a story, but they browned toast and creamy orange juice greet our taste lacked the ability to add enough details co make the buds every morning soon after we have awakened. While story vivid and exciting. Not surprisingly, the papers I am at school, every inch of our house is pampered by her delicate touch. Our floor seems to glitter as if it were that were turned in conformed to my preconceived gold. The plants in our home are radiant with health. As notions. you get close to them, tiny droplets of water seem to be After hearing Rebekah Caplan speak at the UCI covering each leaf like a thin skin. Mom takes special Writing Project Summer Institute, it struck me that care to spray each plant twice a day. After almost seven that was exactly what my students were doingtelling hours of work, she takes time out of her busy schedule to a story, not showing or revealing the characters, con- come and pick me up from scb ol. I hope that someday I flicts, and setting that went with it. I decided that I can be just like my mother. would have to work showing, not telling, into narra- My students still would not be caught dead in any- tive writing the next time my Introduction to Litera- thing but their designer clothes. And everything they ture class was offered. talk about is as awesome as ever. But, in writing, after At my next opportunity, I told the students that we careful preparation and guidance, they are slowing, were going to create the beginning of a short story in not telling. several stages: In step 1, they would create a description of a +11111,1ECK setting. In step 2, they would croate and describe two major characters. In step 3, they would write a dialogue between the two characters that would reveal a conflict. In step 4, they would combine setting, characters, conflict, and dialogue to create the beginning of a short story.

The following are examples of how I worked showing, not telling, into this assignment. In each case, I first give the students a literary model and then a series of directions for creating their own showing writing. * First Example: In this section from Great Expec- tations, Charles Dickens could have told his readers that this room was full of decay and death. Instead, he shows it by writing this: From that room, too, the daylight was completely excluded, and it had an airless smell that 71 59 was oppressive. A fire had been lately kindled in the Second Example: In this section of The Red damp old-fashioned grate, and it was more dis- Pony, John Steinbeck could have just told his posed to go out than to burn up, and the reluctant readers that this character was a ranch hand and smoke which hung in the room seemed colder than left it at that. Instead, he makes it obvious by the clearer airlike our own marsh mist. Certain including specific details: wintry branches of candles on the high chimney- piece faintly lighted the chamber; or, it would be At daybreak Billy Buck emerged from the bunk- more expressive to say, faintly troubled its dark- house and stood for a moment on the porch look- ness. It was spacious, and I dare say had once ing up at the sh'. He was a broad, bandy-legged been handsome, but every discernible thing in it little man with a walrus mustache, with square was covered with dust and mould, and dropping to hands, puffed and muscled on the palms. His eyes pieces.he most prominent object was a long table were a contemplative, watery gray and the hair with a tablecloth spread on it, as if a feast had been which protruded from under his Stetson hatwas in preparation when the house and the clocks all spiky and weathered. Billy was still stuffing his shirt stopped together. An epergne or centre-piece of into his blue jeans as he stood on the porch. He some kind was in the middle of this cloth; it was so unbuckled his belt and tightened it again. The belt heavily overhung with cobwebs that its form was showed, by the worn shiny places opposite each quite undistinguishable; and, as I looked along the hole, the gradual increase of Billy's middle overa yellow expanse out of which I remember its seem- period of years. When he had seen to the weather, ing to grow, like a black fungus, I saw speckled- Billy cleared each nostril by holding its mate closed legged spiders with blotchy bodies running home to with his forefinger and blowing fiercely. Then he it, and running out from it, as if some circumstance walked down to the barn, rubbing his hands of the greatest public importance had just trans- together, t pired in the spider community. Step 2A Your aisignment: Look over the fol- Step lit Your assignment: Look over the list of lowing list of telling titles and select one: telling titles below and select one (or write one of He was a spy. your own): She was an unfriendly nurse. The man looked old. The park was deserted. The tired girl lay on the couch. The room was haunted. He was an alcoholic. The lot was full of trash. The lonely man walked away. Trx beach was peaceful. He was a construction worker. The garage was a mess. The irritated executive shuitled papers. The street was crowded. Objective: Write a one-half to three-fourths page Objective: Write a one-half to three-fourths page description that vividly shows the type of charac- description that vividly shows the place the title ter the title describes. Include type/color of hair, mentions. Include time of day, colors, mood body parts (hands, legs, and so forth), facial fea- (emotions drawn out by place), objects in place, tures (eyes, mouth, nose), an attitude about life, smells, temperature, lighting, and sounds. several articles of clothing described in detail, Step 1B Now, write a setting description for and an action. your story. Give it a telling title; then show it Step 2B Now, create two characters foryour using colors, description of objects, mood, and so story and describe them carefully. Give your forth as you did in the preceding assignment. Use characters telling titles; then show them asyou the excerpt from Great Expectations as a model. did in the preceding assignment. (These characters will later be in conflict with one another.) Keep the way John Steinbeck reveals character in mind as you write. Third Example: In this section of "Cat in the Rain " Ernest Hemingway uses a dialogue betwee.. a man and his wife to reveal the conflicts in their relationship and to show the woman's attitudes about herself and their life-style. Although the author never says directly that George is insensitive or that hi., wife is lonely and frus-

72 Step 3A Your assignment: Look over the -if telling titles and select one: G41#4,111,0 44040Etel The brother hated his sister. 447100444,4;, those The girl's rudeness angered the teacher. zie The sight of Harry caused Dave to panic. The strange behaviur of the son worried the parent. The scorn of the senior offended the freshman. Crated, it becomes obvious through their conver- The jock's arrogance frustrated the coach. sation. When the story opens, the couple are staying in Objective: Write a page of dialogue in the form of an Italian hotel. While looking out the window, a conversation between any of the pairs ;:sted the woman notices a cat outside trying to keep above. Although each pair already has a conflict, out of the rain. After an unsuccessful attempt at iwill be up to you to reveal it through what they going down to rescue it, she returns their say. In addition, you will want to decide how the room: charact, rs will show their attitudes toward e^'.111 George was reading again. other. For example, if you use the brother who She went over and sat in front of the mirror of hated his sister, his hostility could be revealed the dressing table looking at herself with the hand through sarcasm, insincere comments, or insults. glass. She studied her profile, first one side and The sister's attitudes will also need to btLC.vealed. then the other. Then she studied the back of her Her responses to him might take the form of sur- head and her neck. prise, rudeness, or ridicule. Include brief setting "Don't you think it would be a good idea if I let information, if necessary, the tone of voice that my hair grow out?" she asked, looking at her profile words are stated in, and words emphasized that again. will point out emotions. George looked up and saw the back of her neck, clipped close like a boy's. Step 3B Now, write a dialogue between the two "I like it the way it is." characters you already created for your own "I get so tired of it," she said. "I get so tired of looking like a boy." story. Reveal their conflict without actually say- George shifted his position in the bed. He hadn't ing what the conflict is; let the reader infer it. looked away from her since she started to speak. Also show the attitudes the characters have "You look pretty darn nice," he said. toward one another. Give your dialogue a telling She laid the mirror down on the dresser and went title. over to the window and looked out. It was getting dark. Step 4 Finally, combine your setting, charac- "I want to pull my hair back tight and smooth ters, and their conflict in a three-page beginning and make a big knot at the back that I can feel," she of a short story. Introduce the conflict early, said. "I want to have a kitty to sit on my lap and because this will be the hook that captures the purr when I stroke her." reader's interest. Be sure that you use ample "Yeah?" George said from the bed. detail to show rather than tell what your story is "And I want to eat at a table with my lwn silver about. and I want candles. And I want it tc be spring and I want to brush my hair out ia front of a mirror and I The students wrote their narratives in stages. A want a kitty and I want some new clothes." writing group edited th° rough drafts that had been "Oh, shut up and get something to read," George written in Step 4, and then the students turned in their said. He was reading again. final drafts and all the prewriting exercises. I found His wife was looking out of the window. It was that my students' writing had improved dramatically quite dark nc w and still raining in the palm trees. because of the exposure to showing, not telling. The "Anyway, I want a cat," she said. "I want a cat. I student writers included far more details and descrip- want a cat now. If I can't nave long hair or any fun, tions than I had found in their stories in the past. By I can have a cat." revealing or showing the conflict, my students devel- George was not listening. He was reading his oped a sophistication in their writing that I had never book.2 seen before. We read the stories aloud, and an animated class discussion ensued because we inferred and 2Ernest Hemingway, excerpted from "Cat it. the Rain," in Short Stories interpreted what the authors wished to reveal through of Ernest Hemingway. Copyright 1938 Ernest Hemingway; copyright renewed o 1966 Mary Hemingway. Reprinted with the permission of their showing. I also found that working in pairs Charles Scribners Sons. helped the students make their papers more humor-

1,7 61 ous, creative, and free of errors because the "audience It is the guide's responsibility to lead the blindper- factor" was built in. Showing, not telling, enabledme son out of the classroom and to provide him or her to raise my expectations, because I learned that if I with a sensory experience, which should involve expo- provide my students with models, -training, practice, sure to some or all of the following: smell, texture, and feedback, they can attain whatever objectivesare taste, the experience of ascending and descending, the set for them. feeling of an open space versus a closed-inspace, and changing temperatures. No conversation should take place during this excursion. However, studentscan Integrating Clustering communicate through body language. After approximately five to ten minutes, the students should stop, and Showing, switch roles, and continue their walk. Not Telling Step 2: Prewriting Exercise When the students return to the classroom, print By Carol Booth Olson the word BLIND on the chalkboard. Ask the students Codirector, UCI Writing Project to put this word in the center of a blank piece of paper and cluster in a circle around the stimulus word (in I lu.ve good luck with using clusteringas a way to single words and short phrases) all of the images, introduce and generate ideas about a concept, charac- associations, and feelings that come to mind when ter, event, or experience and showing, not telling, as they think of being blind. After about five minutes, an organizational device for logically developing and ask each person to share orally one of his or her clus- supporting those ideas in well-detailed, descriptive ter words or phrases. As the students volunteer their paragraphs. In a sense, clustering becomes a prewrit- thoughts, you can ask other students whether they ing activity that culminates in a showing, not telling, identify with the feelings expressed or whether they writing assignment. have different reactions to add. Record all of these Provided below is an experiential exercise Iuse to responses in a composite cluster on the board, as in help students enhance descriptive writing skills. The Figure 22. exercise is based on the integration of clustering and showing, not telling. Step 3: Wraing After the clustering and discussion period, elicitone Lesson Plan for Clustering and Showing, main idea or feeling about blindness that thegroup Not Telling, About Blindness seemed to share. Then create a telling sentence (a Provide an introduction to descriptive writing prior general, declarative statement) whichexpresses that to this exercise. Activities can include: Lecture/discussion on concrete versus abstract diction NARRott/ Examination of professional and student models UNKNOWN to discover what makes writing vivid Presentation of color slides that students respond SEA OF to with "I see," "I hear," "I smell," "I taste," and 5E41,5477oNs "I feel" statements Visualization to music The activities above focus primarily on the visual in descriptive writing. The following exercise enables DAMP students to tap their other senses. DA-IZK WIND Step 1: Orientation Ask each student in the class to pick a partner. Explain that every class member will have an opportunity to experience blindness as well as to become a guide for a blind person. As you are passing out one 500Arts blindfold to each pair, ask the students to c) .!ose Q 5/44z/C6- which roleguide or blind personthey prefer to assume first. Once the students have selected their respective roles, the guide should assist his or her Fig. 22. Clustering of Images and Feelings partner in putting on the blindfold. of Being Blind

'7 1 62 ,:k idea in a specific context students can illustrate. For ing...it was all closing in. She could feel herself example, if the predominant class response to the sen- shrinking into the pavement. sation of blindness was fear of the unknown, you "Pardon me, miss," a concerned voice said. "Can I might write a sentence like this on the chalkboard: help you across the street?" "The blind woman was terrified of unfamiliar places." Oh, damn, she thought, her chest beginning to tighten Draw the students' attention to this sentt-ice. Ask as she suppressed the sobs, all I need is for someone to be them if they were to write a paragraph showing a kind. He could feel her stiffen as he gripped the back of her blind woman was terrified of unfamiliar places, what elbow and guided her across the street. When they details would they use to: reached the other side, she dismissed him witha "thank I. Indicate that the woman was blind. you" and appeared to be debating something. Curiously 2. Make it clear that she was in a unfamiliar place. enough, she then reach AzI for the walk buttonon the 3. Let the reader know how frightened she was. streetlight as if to head back in the direction shecame Once they have discussed various ways to describ?, from. From a block away, he caught a eimpse of her the telling sentence, ask the students to write one or over his shoulder. Statue-like, she was still standing exactly where he had left herfrozen in indecision. more paragraphs that show how it feels to be a blind person in an unfamiliar place. They can use "The Allow in-class time for rewriting anda second blind woman was terrified of unfamiliar places" as round of sharing with a partner. Have students polish their topic sentence, but encourage them to illustrate and edit this draft so that it may be turned in for this sentence through vivid, sensory details. Allow 20 evaluation. to 30 minutes for writing. I like this particular assignment because it starts Step 4: Shari,and Rewriting with a prewriting experience that studentscan draw on to write about. The clustering exercise that follows Explain to the students that if they have written a is a right-brain activity that helps students vivid, well-detailed descriptive paragraph, they should express no longer need their topic sentence. Without the topic their feelings and generate content. This logically sentence, the supporting paragraph should communi- leads into the showing, not telling, lesson where using cate effectively that the blind woman was terrified of concrete, sensory detail to create a picture and com- unfamiliar places. Ask students to cross out their municate emotions is stressed. Since descriptive writ- topic sentence and exchange papers with a friend. ing is the most concrete writing domain and the easi- Working together, tie two should answer the follow- est for most students to create, the lesson focuses on ing questions: Does the paragraph communicate the fluencygetting the language to say what the students message effectively without the topic sentence? In mean. Later experiences, such as clustering and show- other words, can it stand alone? If not, what descrip- ing, not telling, about literary ch,:racters, will builda tive phrases and sensory details are necessary to show bridge from sensory/descriptive and imaginative/nar- that the blind woman was terrified of ,..afamiliar rative into more analytical/expository writing. places? Provide the class with at least one model ofa well-written paper that is rich in showing writing. Here is an example: Showing, Not Telling: Telling sentence: A Stepping Storm The blind woman was terrified of unfamiliar places. Toward Expository Writing Showing paragraphs: She cautiously hobbled down the street, her white cane carefully tapping out the steps before her, sensing By Julie Simpson the ridges and rhythms of each concrete square. She Sunny Hills High School, could hear the blaring of midday traffic and the cursing English Teacher, Fullerton Union High School District; of angry cab drivers and feel the crushing weight of the and Teacher/Consultant, UCk Writing Project sound reverberating off tall buildings. Each step was an efforta venture into the unknown. When would it end? A feeling of nausea welled up in her stomach, and beads In his office in the English Department at the Uni- of sweat appeared on her brow. versity of California, Irvine, Owen Thomas has a Jap- Suddenly, her cane missed a beat, and she stumbled anese watercolor of stepping stones leading across a off the curb. Car tires screeched in front of her and pond, and he is fond of F ointing out that the writing obscenities filled the air. An arm reached out to steady process is analogous to that picture. In order to con- her. "Thank you," she mumbled as she collected herself vey the intended message, a writer must carefully and tried to blend back into the waiting crowd. Clos- place his or her informational or symbolic stepping

63 c.) stones guide the reader to comprehend themean- and we include the telling statementas the opening of ing. The same can be said for theprocess of teaching the paragraph. writing: The teacher must providea sequence of writ- Since writing about literature ismore difficult than ing activities that bridge the differentdomains of writing from experience,we tread carefully. I begin writing. with narrative frames to help studentssee how to I use Rebekah Caplan's idea of showing,not telling, include the what of description in withthe how of as an initial stepping stone from one writing mode to narration. For example: another and over to the path of exposition. With Jem risked his life to avoid Harper Lee's novel, To Killa Mockingbird, as the a lie. He had lost his pants stimulus, I lead my freshman class fromthe what of when he and description to the how of narration andtoward the Mr. Radley had seen them and why of exposition. Along theway, we develop show- As they ran, ing paragraphs into showingessays by means of tell- Jem knew he would be in trouble if ing sentences expanded into telling frames.All this is So he lied and said done as prewriting exercises that help studentsincor- Then, to avoid being caught in the lie, he hadto porate specific detail into expository writing. Scout tried to but Late that night, Jem

Q,stitg:fiyorOitilOific From this explicit frame, we move to an expanded liS*1# #1140;011*0 version: Scout's innocence broke up the mob. (Describe the CONMiSS1ON ON COA liAliTIOH, scene at the jail.) OF 7:HENA770NALCOVATIL'OF TEACHERS OEENGLISH In the midst of this angry mob, Scout recognized %/alter Cunningham's father. Wanting to break the silence, she We begin by describing places and people, using tried to be polite. (Summarize what she said, how the models from To Kill a Mockingbird. Inthe novel father reacted, and what the mob did.) Harper Lee writes wonderful showing descriptions: Of her setting"Maycomb wasan old town, but it was a tired old town when I'first knew it." (p. 11) When the students begin to feel comfortable with Of Boo's rumored activities"Inside the house Eyeda the narrative step, we move into independent writing malevolent phantom." (p. 15) and frame summaries from the plot with personal Of Dill's appearance"Dill wasa curbsity.";p. 13) experiences. "Scout learned there isa time and place Of Mrs. Dubose"She was horrible." (p. 115).1 for everything" asks students to recount the incident We discuss what makes Harper Lee's descriptions when Scout insulted young Walter Cunningham.it so vivid and write our own parallel paragraphs from the dinner table. To parallel that,we might use, "I can remember learning the same thing." Another personal experiences. Here is student Tuli Hara'sde- narra- scription of a "curiosity": tive-telling duo includes: The child wore a pink checkered frock with white cuffs "They never listen to my side." (Tell abouta time and collar. Her white 'cnee socks dropped aroundher when you broke a rule for a perfectly goodreason, out ankles, and her shiny black patent leather shoes reflected were not allowed to explain.) the Barbie lunch box in her right hand. Her pixie-like PAIRED WITH face was generously covered withcopper freckles, and "Uncle Jack wouldn't listen to Scout's side." (Narrate the her bright eyes, framed by long blonde lashes,sparkled fight with Cousin Francis.) in the sunlight. Her long, flaxen hairwas plaited into two thick braids that swung softly to and 1,-o as the child This kind of narration from telling sentences is just twisted at the waist in a gesture of impatience. a skip away from the expository side of the pond. But When the students have achievr:d this kindof con- to secure footage, we pause at a mid-step. We analyze trol, I move them to narration. We stilluse the book the functions of the frames I have been writing for the for inspiration, but now I create the tellingsentences, class, as well as the function ofa telling sentence. To the later narrations, we writeour own frames. For 'Harper Lee, To Kill a Mockingbird. Phi!adelphia:J. B. Lippincott instance, when we get to the trial section of Harper Company, 1960. Lee's novel, I give this pair of starters: "Mayella false-

64 that Tom is crippled in his left arm and could not have attacked her, but she continues her story. She says she ducked his right-fisted blow. "It glanced, that's what it did." And when Atticus asks her if she had not screamed until she had seen her father in the window, she still maintains Tom's guilt. He "took advantage of me an' if you ... don't wanta do nothin' about it, then you're all yellow stinkin' cowards, stinkin' cowards, the lot of you." But Tom is clearly innocent. His story is that he has been doing chores for Miss Mayella for over a year, "choppin' kindlin', totin' water for her." She often called him into the yard to help her. On the evening in question, Miss Mayella had asked him into the house to fix a door that was off its hinges. But when he went inside, the door was fine. And Tom noticed that none of the seven brothers and sisters were around. As she shut the door behind them, Mayella asked him to reach a box down from a cupboard. He stood on a chair to reach. In the process, Miss Mayella grabbed him around the legs and scared him so that he turned the chair over as he hopped down. Then she hugged him, kissed him, and demanded that he kiss her back. Tom resisted without being harmful to Mayella, and ran away before he could be dealt ly accused Tom Robinson of rape." "But Tom is inno- with by Mr. Ewell, who had appeared at the window. cent." To these shorter sentences, students merely nar- Even though he had done nothing wrong, Tom was rate the separate versions of the crime. After they have scared. "It weren't safe for any nigger to be in a fix like written the two showing narrations, we begin to dis- that." He was "scared I'd hafta face up to what I didn't cuss why Mayella lies. In one of my classes, we came do." up with the following: After reviewing what we had developed, we decided Ma, ella is poor white trash. The only people beneath that the account clearly needed a conclusion; so we her and her family on the social scale are the blacks. created a brief, closing paragraph: Once, out of her extreme loneliness, Mayella makes a pass at Tom Robinson, a black man. When her father Unfortunately, in the racist community of Maycomb, catches her and beats her, she has to make Tom look all the facts in the world wouldn't allow a jury to support bad. a black man against a white woman. So innocent Tom is found guilty. We place this paragraph at the beginning of two other good student showing paragraphs2 and read it By creating their own frame for their showing writing, the students have stepped onto the path of exposi- as a whole essay: tory writing. We discuss agaivi how description shows Mayella is poor white trash. The only people beneath what, narration explains how, and exposition inter- her and her family on the social scale are the blacks. prets why. The process of expository writing requires Once, out of her extreme lonel_ness, Mayella makes a the use of the showing writing to explain and back it pass at Tom Robinson, a black man. When her father up. catches her and beats her, she ha ; to make Tom look bad. 11.: final assignment is designed to reinforce the Mayella accuses Tom of rape. Wanting to support her students' awareness of the expository form. In the father's testimony, she tells the jury her story of what assignment, the students choose between two tasks. happened. Mayella had asked Tom inside the fence to They examine either Harper Lee's defin:.ion of cour- chop up an old chifforobe for kindling. When she went age or her explanation of why it is w sin to kill a inside the house to get his nickel pay, he followed her. As mockingbird. They write their own frame, beginning she turned around, he was on her. He got her around the with her idea as the main (thesis) telling statement, neck, beat her, and left marks and bruises on her right and add supporting telling sentences for each person side. "He caught me and choxed me and took advantage they will discuss in the paper (e.g., three mockingbirds of me," Mayella testifies in a flood of tears. Even though or three degrees of courage). By adding a showing she says she passed out for a while, she remembers that she "fought him tooth and nail." Atticus shows Mayella narrative summary of episodes to their supporting statements, they create with their first full essay, an VOTE: The first paragraph was written by Laura Turner; and the essay that integrates descriptive, narrative, and expos- second, by Jonathan Reinstein.) itory writing and that shows as well as tells.

65 Writing About Literature "What's countenance mean?" was the sudden chorus. with Showing, "Look it up," I told them. And they did. The next day, their descriptions about the dragon Not Telling were wonderful, and everyone knew what countenance meant. A little flicker of insight enteredmy mind. I By William Burns could te:ti vocabulary with these sentences, and the English Teacher, Sonora High School, students would have to do all the work! Theysoon Fullerton Union High School District; had showing, not telling, sentences that had such and Teacher/Consultant, UCI Writing Project words as pugnacious, sagacity, and !laze. Andsome One of the strengths of a great idea is its ability of their writing changed in tone, dependingon the to be applied in a variety of conditions, tomeet words I gave them. I even tried tosee what they would different needs, and to solvea problem in different do with a much more sophisticatedsentence: T. S. environments. Rebekah Caplan's articulate and Eliot's "April is the cruellest month." Theirresponses practical application of showing,nottelling,to certainly were creative, and several expandedthe teaching writing is one of those great ideas. Itworks sentence in much the same way as Mr. Eliot meant. with elementary, middle school, high school,and At this point, I should have recognized ths, potential college students.it works inall of the domains: of showing, not telling, sentencesas a way of exploring sensory/descriptive, imaginative/narrative, practical/ literature; but I did not. I needed more time. informative, and analytical/expository. After hearing Later in the year my ninth grade class began the Rebekah's presentation at the University of Caliiurnia, study of John Steinbeck's Of Mice and Men. Iwas Irvine's (UCI) Summer Writing Project, I knew I had ready with discussion questions, quizzes, reading been given a powerful tool. But at that time, I did assignments, group activities, and the finalessay not recognize just how powerful and versatile this idea question. I planned to min, anduse the ideas of could be. setting, plot, character, writing techniques, and theme As the new school year started, Iwas eager and as we explored the novel. And I knew I wanted the ready, armed with a myriad of writing strategies. My students to do some writing to help them better students would learn to be explicit, specific,anu understand John Steinbeck's story and characters. We concrete, giving details and examples wherever had recently completed some journal writing ina necessary. I used some of Rebekah's sample sentences, poetry unit, so I was looking for a differentway t, found others from the students'own writing, aria made up my own. Students began to use more and more specific details to expand the rather lifeless opening sentences I gave them: "My sister is a brat"; "Math ;s hard (or easy)"; "The sand at the beach felt good." After a while, they asked whether they couldmove the sentences to other places in the paragraphs. "Yes," I said. Then I rsked them whether they knew what else these sent aces might be called. Andas I had hoped, one student said they were like "topicsentences." I used to give several lessons about what topic sentences were and whet they did; and now, without any such contrivances of mine, they knew what a topic sentence did and that it could be moved around in a paragraph. It was not too long afterwards thata student complained about the "dull, boring"sentences she had been given and asked whether she could omit the telling sentence. "It messesup my writing." Who was Ito argue with creative insight? As the semester progressed andwe began a short AIL story unit, I continued the showing, not telling, assignments, but only occasionally. I knew better thanto wear out a good thing. One day, after reading the short story, "The Fifty-First Dragon," I gave them this sentence: "The dragon's countenance Wc1t, hideous."

66 get them to write. I thought of showing, not telling. As I looked o er the various essay topicsI had Could I make up some sentences from the book similar de% oped and col ccted from year.. past and asI to the few I had taken from the short stories? As I thou),..t about all the showing, not telling, rri} students wrote some samples, I realizedI could group them had done during the year, I realized this \Nat perfect according to setting, plot, character, and so forth. Here time to see whether they could come up with their are a few examples: own telling sentences. After all, if the sentences were It was peaceful in the woods along the Salinas River. The bunkhouse was obN tously a place where men hied. Lenny was different. George and Lenny had a dream. Cully and his wife had a different relationship from bet* 0,:witp,011ei.peri; fort gin for, whole, the one George and Lenny had 1,000:s. Oloali 0. Georges and Lenny's relationship was like that of Candy and his dog. As the first few assignments came in, I knew I was on to something. The students were reading the book any good, I could use them some other time. And more closely in order toanswerthe telling sentence. ifthestudents had learned anything from their I told them they could use John Steinbeck's wo ds practice, their telling sentences ought to be good but they would have to organize them to provide the summaries of what they were learning from the play. transitions and closings. They were using examples I asked each student to turn in ten telling sentences, from the text toclarify what the general telling organized in the following manner: two setting sentence said. I have always struggled to get students sentences, two plot sentences, five character sentences, to use examples from their reading to support their one theme sentence, and one writing technique generalizations. Now they were doing it without a lot sentence. The results exceeded my expectations. Here of lecturing or cajoling on my part. And I discovered are some of the students' sentences: another benefit. I no longer needed to give those little Verona is full of love and hate. reading quizzes thatIused to give to make sure students were doirg their readings. The compositions The apothecary's shop, where Romeo buys poison, is were taking care of that, too. When we completed our a dirty, rundown place. study of the novel with a more comprehensive essay, Romeo is a "fortune's fool." students wrote with better support than they had Tybalt is full of mischief. before, pulling examples from topics they had pre- The relationship between Romeo and Friar Laurence viously developed. was similar yet different frxri the relationship between I was pleased with the improvement in my students' Juliet and the Nurse. writing as a result of showing, not telling, but some- Despite their bitter hatred of each other, the Capulets thing was still bothering me. I was doing a lot of the and the Montagues were very much alike. hard thinking for the students.I was creating the Feuds seem to destroy the most innocent ones. telling sentences, I was organizing them around topics Those who act in moderation have a better chance and techniques; I was doing much of the analysis. I at survival. knew that my ultimate goal would be for them to I could tell quite a bit about a student's understand- create such telling sentences, since not only was it ing of the play from the telling sentences. I put a check important for them to find specifics to support the mark by one of them and told the student to write an generalizations, but also it was important for them to essay elaborating on that sentence. In this same man- be able to work the other way and arrive at more ner, I chose sentences that would give students a chal- sophisticated generalizations based on seemingly uncon- lenge but would be within their levet of skill. nected details found in their reading. I am just beginning to discover how to use telling Our concluding literature assignment for the ninth sentences to help students be more explicit, to help grade wasRomeo and Juliet.I wanted students to their reading, and to enhance their understanding of have fun with the play, eLplore the language, read both reading and writing. They are writing more and passages, act out parts, watch a film of the play, and I am reading less. Now students are not limited to generally halve a good time, yet still pay attention to writing a number of assignments based on how many its literary content and ideas. We were not going to papers I can read. That is a good start that I gained write during our reading of the play, but a final essay from a great idea. showing, not telling. Isn't it curious would be required. how simple concepts turn out to be so subtle?

67 Showing, Not Telling, About The Canterbury Tales

By Sue Ellen Gold English Teacher, Irvine High School, Irvine LAified School District; and Teacher/Consultant, UCI Writing Project Just three weeks into my first semesteras a high school English teacher, I knew Iwas in trouble. I was teaching Chaucer's The Canterbury Mksto a group of bright, reasonably motivated students who worked hard, listened well, laughed at the correct times,and understood almost nothing. Lefton their own with the text, they floundered in the 600-year stylisticgap. Because I knew my students were caughtup in the twentieth century visual world of television, movies, and video, I decided to developa lesson that would d-^w on their innate abilities to visualize. To doso, I used Rebekah Caplan's showing, not telling,process. Now, when I teach the Canterbury Tales,one of my first goals is to move my students past what I call the "text as God" plateau, the point at which theyrevere the text, not because they understand or appreciate it, 4. Does he or she say anything? but precisely because they do not. To do this, I begin 5. Does your group like or dislike the character? Why? 6. Choose five of your owl adjectives to describe Might o word spak-he mOoreltanwas neede, the character. A ndthat Was seYd iii form and reverence,, These groups then ta:_z turns presenting their findings And shOrtand quykand ful of orally to the class and guiding the class discussion. by sentence. The next step helps prepare the students to begin GEOFFREY CHAUCER, using their visual arsenal. Eachgroup is reassigned sevral characters and, drawing on the class discussions, develops telling sentences for each; for example: by reading a few lines at a time out loud and then "The Squire was young anC vain", "The Summonefs questioning, "What does this mean? Doyou like that? appearance was something to behold", "The Miller Is this the sort of person you would liketo invite home was belligerent." After the class shares the sentences, for dinner?" When the studentsare prodded to think each student picks one to develop intoa shutting of the characters outside the fourteenthcentury con- paragraph. text, they are soon able to drop their Chaucer-induced At this point, the class is ready to categorize the awe and get on with the job of enjoying andeven pilgrims, and we spend a lively session debating which understanding the text. characters are good, which are bad, and whichare This comfortable teacher-read/student-answerpat- absolutely horrible. tern usually lasts through the firstseven or eight Most students have, by this time, been convinced characters. At this point, I step out of thepresentation that Chaucer is accessible, and theyare ready for the mode and arrange the class in groups of threeor four. prompt. They are asked to assume the guise ofa The students maintain thesegroups for the remainder fourteenth century traveler who happens to arrive at of the unit. These groupsare assigned a portion of the Tabard Inn on the same eveningas thf the remaining characters, and theyare expected to During the course of the night, they will somehow answer the following questions for each. encounter at least three of the group who will, through 1. Who is the character? conversation, action, and appearance, reveal theirtrue 2. What is his or her occupation personalities. The narrator is also expected to describe or station? the town, inn, and social atmosphere and to develop 3. Describe his or her appearance? a narrative thread that holds it all together.

6? SO The next week is spent doing short precomposing assignments, both during and outside the class time. own. As a class, we practice filling out the followint, I bring in costume books and posters, and the students chart on some of the less popular characters, then each brainstorm their ideas about appropriate fourteenth student completes the same task for his or her three century clothing. I often have to guide them on the pilgrims: details, as well as explain that polyester and rayon made their debut much later. The class also discusses the varied possibilities for Pilgrim the Tabard Inn itself. These have ranged from dirt Clothing floors with chickens underfoot to elaborate taverns Color with extensive, highbrow clientele.Here are two Type showing paragraphs from a student's paper which Accessories introduce the reader to the Tabard: Personality Speech habits As I got off my horse, I began to hear voices and Visual mannerisn;s laughter coming from inside theInn. WhileIwas Activities he or she likes to do tethering my horse, I looked up at the starry sky, which had the appearance of black velvet with pearls carelessly cast upon it. Glaring back at the Inn, I noticed that the doors were open and this made me feel welcome. As I walked into the building, I saw that each of the After the students have completed the previous step, doors was engraved with The Tabard. I ask them to practice writing a plot with their groups. On this particular night, The Tabard was packed with people, making it seem small, despite its large size. Once To accomplish this activity, I randomly choose three my eyes adjusted to the light emitted by the burning characters; and each group role-plays potential situa- torches and glowing candles, I bought a mug of ale tions that could bring the three characters together. found a table, and :!,Ipped on a roaming chicken in the I warn the students to pay particular attention to what prom, of doing sa. While drinking my ale, I finally took they know of the characters and how they might react time to look around. The Tabard itself seemed fairly new in carious situations. Ob%iously, there are innumerable withits stone walls and ceilings. There were many possibilities. An example from one tenth grade group wooden tables to sit at, each one adorned with candles. included the following: While some people were sitting on benches, others used empty boxes and ale kegs as furniture. To my right, in Wife of !sat!' the center of the room, there was a large, circular, stone Knight fire pit with black, charred scraps of wood in it. No fire Pardonner tonight, I thought to myself. It's too warm tonight. Wife falls over one of the Prioress's dogs. The Knight comes to her aid by removing the dog and helping her up. The Pardonner rushes over to her, offering some relic When the students think of to help her heal her bruised elbow. She shakes him off, the characters outside the scoffing at Lb high %oice. SI- turn,, to confide to the fourteenth century Context, narrator t:2tshe dislikes the Pardonner's greasy, lanky they drop their c'haucei- hair. induced awe and enjoy and even understand the text. The same types of activitiesare conducted to SUE ELLEN GOLD develop dialogue. At this point, I find it appropriate to discuss correct punctuation and the misuse of slang. Each student is now set free to develop his or her After the students have visualized the setting in n setting, characters, plot, dialogue, and tone. With which their encounter will take place, each one is ready additional group assistance on revising and editing, to chose the three pilgrims he or she w antsto each student is capable of completing a well-written, encounter.I suggest one from each category"the cohesive narrative. Because this unit draws so hem, ily good," "the bad," and the "absolutely horrible." After on the showing, not telling, technique, the students the students haze decided, I spend time discussing how are able to use their tremendous potential to Nisualize visual and aural clues such as dress, speech, and and then fluently describe Chaucer's world. Their mannerisms can help build a character. Since Chaucer success in this effort ensures their future enjoyment gives relatively few details of this sort, the students of Chaucer, and I am always excited to read the papers are challenged to pick out the specifics Chaucer does and see what new details these modern teenagers add give and then to generate additional ideas on their to the fourteenth century text.

69 1

Developinga Sense of Audience, or Who Am I Really Writing This PaperFor? By Mary K. Healy Codirector, Bay Area Writing Project

Shim ly stated, having a developedsense of audience syntax to th' -tudents' adherence to injunctions, such on the student writers' part means that as they write, as never starting a sentence with the word and. What- they have images of the intended leaders of their writ- ever the constructs may be through which the teacher ing flickeringconsciously or unconsciouslyaround views the students' papers, it is certain that thestu- in the background. To the degree thatthese images dents will understand what they are assoon as enough are sharply delineated in the writers' minds, student marked writing has been returned. And the students writers will select details and develop their piecesof will know the real nature of their audienceandbe writing, anxious always that theirknown readers' fairly accurate in &scribing the teacher's values expectations be fulfilled. regardless of how the teacher desr.ribes orally what he Students who have developed beyond the point or she values. Students can do this because they make where writing is more of an exercise in physicaldex- their generalizations about what is importantto the terity than an exercise in composing thoughtson a teacher on the basis of hard evidence: the grades and piece of paper can tell what their teachers willlook for final comments they get on their papers. when reading and evaluating theirpapers. For some The task of developing a sense of audience is, in teachers, neatness really countsno inkblots or fact, a misnomer. After a few years in school,student crumpled papers are allowed. For others, mechanical writers already have a sense of audience,even though accuracy is primaryperiods where they belong, capi- they might look at you blankly and mumblesome- tal letters signaling sentence beginnings, andcommas thing like, "We don't do that in here," 07. asked for accurately placed and not scattered like confettito which audience they are waiting. Amore accurate de- make an interesting, albeit illogical, design. To still scription of the task for the thoughtful teacher of writ- other teachers, what counts is what happened from ing might be described as expanding the students' the first to the last draft--what changeswere made, sense of audience to encompass a wider range of what tightening and expanding, what dictionin responsive readers. And a major step in thisexpan- sum, what evidence there is of a mind at work revis- sion is simply to provide audiences for the students' ing, reseeing. There area legion of other teachers' writing beyond that of a conscientious proofreader prioritiesfrom sophisticated vocabulary choices and and evaluator. In the landmark study The Development of Writing EDITOR'S NOTE:For furt'aer information, on the concept of audience in Abilities (11--18), James Britton and his colleagues in writing, see Mary K. Healy's monograph, thing Student WritingRe- sponse Groups in the Classroom, which was published by the Bay Area England outlined a broad spectrum of the passible Writing Project, Education Busin Office, 1615 Tolman Hall, University awi:ences that students might meet in the writing of California, Berkeley, CA 94720. situations in their schools. In their research sample

70 82 Mr. Britton and his colleagues used this range of audiences as one of the characteristics by which they A poem begins-as a lump in the categorized over 2,000 student papers from subjects thront,:OlerAse WrOnt, a homesickness, across the curriculum. As the researchers put it, 44. aTove,sleknesi thetnought, . oneimportant dimension of development in 04.0600ughtffiti* the words. writing ability is the growth of a sense of audience, the ,!zosettrFitosr growth of the ability to make adjustments and choices in writing which take account of the audience fog whom the writing is intended."' The main categories One of the next steps a teacher may take to expand which the researchers used and the percent of papers student writers' sense of audience beyond that of writ- falling in each category are shown in the accompanying for teacher-as-examiner or for the self is to begin ing table, which is reproduced here from The Devel- to respond to the students' writing at stages earlier opment of W iting Abilities (11-18). than the final draft. This resp._ _se can take the form It is evident from the research James Bi:tton and of comments written on a first draft, which provide his colleagues conducted that the ever-present audi- the writer with a sense of a real reader's initial reac- ence for the writing done in most classrooms is the tion. These comments may be questions: "How old teacher-as-examiner. This audience can make itself were you when this happened?" "What did the room manifest in many ways: a single letter grade for overall look like?" "How did she feel when you said that?" quality; .plit letter grades, one each for content and These questions indica'e to the writer that the reader mechanics; a written critique of the piece, outlining is inmested in wh:. going on and wants more the strengths and weaknesses of the style, organiza- information. Or the comments may take the form of tion, structure, or mechanics; a written response to the an anecdotal response: "The same thing happened to piece, featuring the reader's involvement with the con- me when I was in high school." "I remember being tent and raising questions of clarity and development. terrified of wlter also." Such comments let the writer However, in all of these instances, the emphasis is still ki.ow that the reader has made a connection with the on the evaluation of a final product. piece, and the feedback is very important. Another Just as writing for an audience of teacher-as- form these comments might take is that of responsive examiner is the most prevalent in schools today, writ- coaching: "Why not leave out the parts about the ing for self is the least prevalent. Yet the self as journq to camp and concentrate on that frightening audience is crucial to young writers' development, first night?" "I need more specific details here about because i* allows students to discover how the act of conditions in the camp to understand how the rebel- writing can be functional for them in the day-to-day lion started." All of these responses and their thou- life of the school. Keeping logs or journals of reac- sands of variations serve to enable the writer to visual- tions to class events, to books or films or TV pro- ize better the effect of the words on a reader. Giving grams, and to chapters in a textbook can be a valuable first step in making personal sense of new information. Writing to work out new ideas, to raise ques- Table11Distribution of audience categories* tions, and to find out what one understands enables (n = 2,104) students to see that writing can be of direct benefit to Categories Percent them both in their initial development of a new subject matter and as preparation for the more formal. Child to self 0,5 extensive writing required in their courses. Because Child to trusted adult 1.6 students have an extended record of their own emerg- Teacher-learner dialogue 38.8 ing opinions and 'Inderstandings, they have them- Pupil to teacher, particular relationship 1 AI selves as resources .,vlizn i.t comes to developing and Pupil to examiner 48.7 shaping an essay or a final report. The teacher can Expert to known laymen 0.0 encourage this type of writing by providing models of Child to peer group 0.1 subject matter journals or logs, by setting aside class Group member to working group 0.2 time for this writing, by allowing credit toward the Writer to his readers 1.8 final grade for completion of such writing, and by Child to trusted adult/teacher-learner dialogue 0.6 allowing students to keep their logs handy during the Teacher-learner dialogue /pupil to examiner 4.0 writiug of tests Cr essays in class. Teacher-learner dialogue/writer to his readers 1.0 Miscellaneous 1.7

'Reprinted, by permission, from James Britton and others,The Devel- This table is reproduced here, by permission, from James Britton and others, opment of Writing Abilities (II 18).(Schools Ccuncil Research Studies) The Development of Writing Abilities (11-48), (Schools Council Research Basingstoke, Hampshire: Macmillan Education Ltd., 1975, p. 58. Studies, Macmillan Education, Ltd., 1975), p. 13C.

71 such responses on early drafts a'iows the writerto inevitable when studentsare placed in an artificial make revisionsto work on the piece in progress, not situation in which they are asked to satisfytwo differ- after the writing has been completed, polished,and handed in. ent audiences at once. And in addition to the double image difficulty, the student is being askedto per- Responses from the teacher like those mentioned form, in James Britton's words, a "dummy run,"a above might be classified in James Britton's aud:z.nce practice exercise instead of a piece of real communica- terminology as teacher as "trusted adult"or as tion. "partner in dialogue." Either audience is certainly There is little reason for relying completelyon necessary before the teacher assumes the traditional "dummy runs" when there are so many genuine situa- role of examiner. tions that call for real writing. What follows isa listing Beyond the variations of teacher as audience, many of possible contexts in which studentscan write for others can profitably be addressed in classroom writ- audiences beyond the classroom teacher: ing. Students can write for their peerseither fellow students in their classes or those in other classesor Writing for Other Students other schools. The key point here is that this writing 1. An exchange of letters between classes. The he genuinely addressed to an audience that will, topic may be a book both classes have read,a indr "d, read and respond to the writing. Only through film they have both seen, or a reactionto this genuine response, with all the attendant confu- some contemporary issue. sions and misunderstandings, cana real sense of 2. An exchange between classes of profiles writ- audience develop. For example, juniors in high school ten about people in the community. This can write to incoming freshmen and describe the exchange could take place before the final school and offer suggestionson how to succeed. In drafts were written so the revisions could this case, it is crucial that real incoming freshmenread incorporate the readers' questions. those letters and write back. The whole point is lost if 3. Notes written to absent classmates explaining the teacher asks the juniors to writeas if they were what went on in class so the students will writing t.incoming freshmen and then reads and come back prepared. evaluates the papers herself. For in thatcase what the 4. Booklets or stories written for teacher younger child- ,s done is set up a double image; the real ren and "tried out" on them by t'r.e writers in teacher audience is superimposed on the "imaginary" the younger children's classroom. freshman audience, and the writer's job then becomes doubly difficult. For the sake ofan evaluation, the Writing for People in the Outside World student must imagine what the teacher thinksone 1. Letters written to authors of works read in should say to incoming freshmen and how the teacher class, in which the students discuss points that would like it said. It is not surprising that writing of had arisen during class discussion. Similar let- this kind often sounds strained and false; it isalmost ters can be ---ritt..t.n to film writers or directors. 2. Actual letters of application for part-time 1 jobs. 3. Letters to the editor of localnewspapers or magazines in which the student writers discuss topics of interest to studen;.s. 4. Oral histories, transcribed and shaped by the students and presented in a booklet for distribution or purchase through sor..e community organization. 5. Stories, poems, or essays for the school literary magazine. 6. Argumentative or persuasive essayson con- .7:4.004 temporary topics sent to a local political or civic organization. 7. Entries written for writing contests ofany kind.

These are only a few of themany possible audiences for students' writing. All of them demand that the writers think about their audience's uniqueness and

72 84' shape their writing accordingly. The teacher can be of in word choice?" subtly remind students that there is enormous assistance here by showing students how to no one way to write anything. Rather, the craft of analyze whom they are writing for. This can be done writing demands that students pick the best way in either by giving exercises in the whole class in which this particular case for this particular audience. And, the general characteristics of a known audience are over time, with thoughtful nurturing from responsive listed on the chalkboard or by asking specific ques- teachers, this sense of an audience's needs will become tions about the intended audience of each student who automaticas automatic, we hope, as beginning a is already working on an initial draft. Questions such sentence with a capital letter and ending it, eventually, as, "How much does your audience know about the with a period or a question mark or an exclamation subject?" or "How formal do you think you have to be point! 11E

$ s. I I es I A

n Exercise to Introduce After three to fot.. minutes, acknowledge that this letter is also unfinished but, skipping down a few the Concept of Audience more lines, ask them to begin writing a memo to their to Students and Teachers principal or superintendent in which they request By Lynda Chittenden funds to subsidize their being in this place and which justifies the released time necessary for them to be Teacher, Old Mill School, there. (See paragraph number 3.) Mill Valley Elementary School District; and Teacher/Consaltant, Bay Area Writing Project At the end of three to four minutes, ask for volunteers to share the results of their guided excursion to a The following is a guided fantasy that successfully special place and to talk abut what they noticed in communicates the concept of audience. Many teachers their own writing as they did this exercise. Partici- have used this exercise both ir in-service workshops pants are often surprised to discover how much and in the classroom. impact audience has on style.. When writing for them- First, ask your grout, to take out a scrap of paper. selves (paragraph number 1), they tend to be very Tell them this writing will not be turned in or shared descriptive and detailed. Concentrating on sense im- without each writer's approval. Ask each member of the group to sel...ct a place where, right now, he or she would rather be. Even the most dedicated teacher or Fp;..1?chkria.-kdstu"students, student has a fantasy place that he or she periodically -4110;ME.Ore4iiii4gefy escapes to. Ask all members of the group to close their freegfifriex:rteientitil eyes and imagine themselves in their fantasy land. ,it#4,WeitOOktOfditOept Pause awhile; then, speakin'owly, ask the mem- of audience. bers of the group to visualize themselves in their fantasy lands. What is their position? Are they standing, sitting, lying down? After a few moments, ask them to be receptive to the tactile sensations that are part of being there. What is the weather like? What smells preSsions, they, in effect, paint pictures of their might they also be aware of? What are the sounds that memories with words. Many of them become so are very much a part of this place? Ai:ow a few more absorbed in writing that when you call them to a halt moments for each individual's fantasy to grow. and switch audiences, they get ,Ightly annoyed. In Encouraging them to imagine and believe that they paragraph number 2, addressed to Mom or a frie nd, are compulsive recorders who wish to capture this they often assume a more conversational tone an do moment .,o as to be able to relive it later, ask them to much more telling than showing. Sentence length is begin a diary that will do just that. (See a sample in reduced as rich detailed descriptions are omitted from paragi aph number 1 that 'allows.) the writing. Finally, in paragraph number 3, the letter After four to five minutes, state that you know this to the principal, they become very formal, and the piece is unfinished, but skipping a few lines and, "voice" in the writing is much more distant. Much less remaining in this place, ask them to begin a letter to is likely to be whtten during this part of the exercise Mom, or some other loved one, in which they tell the because the audience sometimes can inhibit fluency. A person about this place. (See paragraph number 2.) sample of an unedited exercise that a UCI Writing

't)

-7 Project teacher shared with thegroup will illustrate flag. I take out one figure andwe discuss possible these general points: stories about it, stories whichyounger children would 1. A moss green sea turtle glides lazily by, anda huge enjoy. "What could we name him?" "Think ofa prob- rainbow striped parrot fish in hues of limegreen, tur- lem he might have." "How could he solve it?" I write quoise, and tangerine slowlyweaves its way through their suggestions on the ch,'kboard, and fromthem, the filtered light. I can hearmy breathing through the we develop a story. snorkle as I float upon the surface of the saltyocean, my back broiling in the sun and turnirg a deep shade of crimson. I must appear to the inhabitants ofthis estuary an ungainly creaturelumbering about in the tranquil waters of Xel Ha. How pleasant it isto float weightlessly in their watery kingdom. 2. Dear Mom: Michael and I took a trip toa natural aquarium of sorts called Xel Ha today that was truly fantastic! This is an estuary where the rivermeets the Carib- bean. The whole area is enclosed bya coral reef that 4' keeps the sharks outthank goodness. Anyway,we went snorkling and saw some of the most amazing fish. The colors were just fantastic! One fish Isaw was all the colors of the rainbow. Orange wasn'torange but tangerine. It was really unbelievable. Then everyone gets a chance to pick outa mouse. I have several duplicates, so thereare no hassles. As the 3. To: Dr. Barrow students write their stories, I walkaroun the room, I have enjoyed my v..eation in Cancun immenselyand making suggestions, servingas a word bank for those see many possibilities for offering a unit of study on who need a walking dictionary, and offeringstory this area. I'd like to stay on a bit longerto investigate all the educational possibilities further. I'm ideas for those students who get stuck. sure I When the stories are finished, I could design a class that would benefitmy students. use either whole- I'm planning to take many slides for illustratedlec- class or small-group evaluations. Generally, Istay out tures on: the natural aquarium at Xel Ha, the Mayan of the discussion and let the class decide whetheror ruins at Tulime, tht. windy island of Isle Mujeres,etc. not the stories meet the criteria of sustaining interest, I hope you'll be as excited aboutmy idea as I am .... clarity, and appropriateness for the chosengrade level. They may ask such questions ac these: Is it inter- For teachers and students alike, the guidedimagery exercise is an experiential introduction esting? Is it clear? Who would enjoy it? Mystudents to the concept do a truly fine job of ftvaluating, and they give of audience. It makes what could be justan abstract suc- idea tangiple and concrete andcreates a positive cinct conments. I have heard them dismiss wandering awareness of audience in future writing assignments. writers with, "That's too kng for little kids." They motivate the author to go back and tighten hisor her efforts. Sometimes boys are told, "That'stoo scary," so they omit the dripping blood. Peer groups are also efficient at assigningpapers to riting for a the correct grade level: "Kindergartners'drove that." "Yours is kinda grown-up; you'd better send itto the Live Audience third grade." After the stories are written and evaluated,we set By Anita Freedman up a schedule for each sturient to read his or her story Teacher, Fairhaven Elementary School, and to show his or hermoa:.- to children in a lower Orange Undied School District; grade. Teachers of the primay grades will welcome and Teacher/Consultant, UCI Writing Project .his when it is arranged in advance. Even thoughour school is very small, my 30 ormore children are all One easy way to provide a live 'audience foryour given this opportunity to read their workto small class is to have your students write for children in the groups. As a special reward, I let my authors displa lower grades. I begin to help generate ideas for writing their figures on their desks for the rest of theday. by showing the class my "Mouse Collection." Ihave a Everyone basks in the obvious approval of the large box filled with discarded story display figures: audience. Some receive letters! It is alwaysa huge mice outfitted to play tennis. baseball,or golf; to play success, and I see a greet improvement in my students' cards; to clean house; or to stitchup the American ability to put words on paper and to structurea story.

74 86 riting to P-,.... enPal Clubs "Dear Abby"

By Virginia Baldwin By Karen Walden GATE Teacher, Del Cerro Elementary School Teacher, Sunkist School, Saddleback Valley Unified School District; Anaheim Elementary School District; and Teacher /Consultant, UCI Writing Project and Teacher/Comultant, UCI Writing Project

Starting a pen pal club at your school or in your I became uncomfortable and almost indifferent classroom is a great way of changing the audience for about using textbooks as the tole source for the writ- your children, promoting writing in the practical, ten communication of ideas to students in my class- informative domain, and for opening the door for writ- room last year. Drily, I felt the nearly impossible ing across the curriculum. struggle of making appropriate, meaningful connec- The International Friendship League sponsors a tions with those rem:1:e, impersonal messages found pen pal program, which is designed for students of all in textbook selections. That material written from ages. Educators in over 100 countries cooperate with writer to unknown audience caused such a feeling of the League in its program of matching "pen friends" indirect inyolvement in me and in my students that it of like ages and similar interests. To get pen pals, stu- became more and more difficult to justify basing my dents submit an application and a registration fee of lessons on the textbook selections. $3 (or $5 for those over nineteen years of age) to the One day I brought a newspaper into the classroom. International Friendship League. On the application I hoped that the fact that the paper had been pub- the League asks for each student's name, address, sex, lished that day would make the nature and the pur- age, and hobbies and special interests. The students pose for the writing more immediate. As we reviewed may also specify the part of the world in which they and discussed the various sections in the newspaper, would like a pen pal, but the League prefers "to have students began to demonstrate increased interest in the privilege of selecting the country." For information the writing. Those articles to a then known audience on the program, write to the International Friendship began to take on meaning. League, Inc., 55 Mount Vernon Street, Boston, MA As we extended our exploration of the newspaper, 02108; or phone (617) 523-4273. the children discovered a column that elicited an even Once the letters start arriving, post a map in the more personal responseDear Abby. Their enthusi- classroom. Use map pins and string to indicate where asm prompted my weekly initiation of role playing in each student has a pen pal. Children can keep a scrap- the class. For the next few weeks, I decided to become book of the letters and small items (stamps, menus, a Dear Abby of sorts, providing my students with a naplins, postcards, photos, artwork, recipes) that new audience to write to. They wrote small, anony- they have exchanged with their pen pal. mous messages on folded pieces of paper and placed You may also wish to have students research the them in a collection box. I then attempted to provide state or country of the pen pal. They may write a suitable ans.vers to real problems. Each Monday saturation report, learn songs from the country or morning eager faces lined up outside the door to state, order travel brochures, and locate and display receive a handout of questions and responses for our books that pertain to their pen pal's home. The possi- "Dear Abby" session. I was truly pleased with the bilities are endless. trust that began to develop. You might have one of your students who has artis- In the weeks that followed, students offered addi- tic talent design special stationery, which can be dupii tional comments to my responses, oftentimes posing cated. or you may wish to have each student design his solutions far more appropriate than mine. Thus, I or her owr. stationery. Thisa great motivation for began gradually to relinquish my role to secretly writing more letters. chosen "Abbys" or "Albert?" and to reassume my previous capacity as full-time teacher. What a success! Additional questionmakers began to emerge in the class. Students felt less inh..Ated about identifying themselves when they wanted or needed answers. The enads range of topics began to broaden. We discussed the validity of school rules, difficult relationships with siblings, inadequate allowances, the effects of drugs 0 75 and smoking, consequences of shoplifting, and pend- standards, terrible tasks, learning logs, math time, ing love affairsjust to mention a few. Asour chosen writing groups, group response, literature, physical expert responded to a particular problem, classmates education, clean-up, and so forth. lis.ened attentively. They displayed unquestionable Last year, instead of the experienced authoritarian tolerance of her or his opinions. Differing points of matron, the class had as its first substitute a young view were both respected and appreciated. Ourex- person who a:lowed herself Lo be completely over- pert's literary skills in actual interpretation and edit- whelmed by a majority of rowdy boys. The next day ing also naturally emerged, as some of the written when we were brainstorming, someone made the questions required revising for clarity. appropriate suggestion that we also includea chapter The experience in writing to a real audiencewas of advice. We did: most rewarding. It provided not only motivation for 1. You must expect some persons,0 change their names written communication but also fostered meaningful at mil call, and sometimes drop pencils at math time, relationships among class members. but don't let that offend you. 2. At the class meeting, if the class is out of hand, don't leave the chairperson to do all the work. Help the Think We chairperson contain the class! 3. When you come in the room, you should expectevery- Need to Write one seated at the rug unless people are turning in 1a Substitute's Manual homewor.-. This year, we began the Subst;tute's Manual with By Lynda Chittenden some more direct talk about expectations: Teacher, Old Mill School, We expect you to be patient with us and we'll tr to be Mill Valley Elementary School District; patient with you Sometimes t"lings thatseem easy for and Teacher/Consultant, Bay Area WritingProject you are hard for us, and we don't want a lecture about how simple it is. We expect you to be a teacher, nota The self-contained elementary school classroom parent or friend. You should expect us to do our best provides many opportunities for children to writeto a work, although sometimes we forget and fool around. real audience and for a specific purpose: a job descrip- Once we agree that we have thought of everything tion boot( that specifies exactly how each clean-up job a substitute teacher needs to know aboutour class. we must he performed at the end of the day ora list of decide who will write what. Knowing that the best adopted rules for those physical educationgames that writers always volunteer first, I start with the most are a cc atinual source of argument. important beginning chapters of she book. "Who Early in the school year, I plot to create in my fifth wants to do expectations?" The two or three students grade classroom the circumstances that result ina wildly successful project. I am rarely absent in Sep- tember. However, on the first rainy day in October, I The self as audience is cruciar'to yOinig take a planned day off and spend it in lnd readinga trashy novel. On returning to class the next day, Iam writeredevelopnent. assaulted by a predictable barrage of complaints: MARY K MEALY "Don't you ever get that terrible person again!" "She wouldn't even let us read at the rug!" "I only missed who raise their hands let that assignment. "Who three problems, but she made me do the wholepage wants to write the advice, section?" Those with raised over." hands then have their assignment. If at the end of the I listen to these laments with great seriousness, list, some students do not have assignments; theymay which encourages even more verbalized outrage. With do the illustrations; for example, a picture ofa boy furrowed brow and in a concerned voice, Isay, "This out picking up trash in the yarda "terrible task" is terrible. Our class is so special and different that it consequence of breaking a class standard. must he very difficult for a stranger to try to under- Once the first drafts are completed, the students stand how we work. I think we need to writea substi- meet in their writing groups to determine what must "ate 's manual!" be done to make these important pieces of writing With that prewriting exercise accomplished,we get clear and completely understandable to a substitute to work. First, we brainstorm all the necessary ingre- teacher. The final drafts are then written and handed dients for such a book. From thatwe write on the to a small committee that puts them together, num- chalkboard a list that will become the manual'scon- bers the pages, prepuces the contents page, and binds tents: the class meeting, the day's schedule, the class the manual with a front and back cover.

76 o0 When the manual is completed, we have much more 4. How did you actually esci,.,.e/ move? than an aid for the next substitute teacher. Through a 5. Whom did you travel with? seemingly subtle process, the necessary structure and 6. What was your travel experience like? expectations of the class have been clarified fpr 7. Were there any problems or exciting experi- everyone. ences? Next, I tell the students to write only what they feel comfortable with sharing and to give as accurate an providing an Audience account as they can so that their audience can picture for ESL Students their experiences. I also tell them that only I will know and a Reason to Write the authors' true identities. To provide some structure for their reminiscences, I ask the students to write By Carolyn Mendoza about their family life first, followed by their traveling ESL Teacher/Reading Department Chair, and immigration experiences, and finally how they Santa Ana High School, feel about life in the United States. Santa Ana Unified School District; Because my students already have a wealth of and Teacher/Consultant, UCI Writing Project memories to tap in telling their stories, they can focus less on what they want to say and put their energy into English-as-second-language (ESL) students have a how they will say it. Providing an interested audience wealth of experiences to share with native English for thema classmate at school, new neighbor, sup- speakers. One of the most interesting and most imme- portive teacherand a topic th^y have deep feelings diate experiences they can draw on and translate into about motivates them to communicate as clearly and a narrative is the story of their departure or their par- descriptively as they are able. Once they relate their ents' departure from their homeland and their journey experiences on paper in tis new language, they can to the United States. read them aloud in small groups o; work individually At the prewriting stage, we have a discussion about with the teacher to make any necessary corrections. A these students' experiences. Mary of them have trav- sample of one of my student's papers follows: eled extensively, seen other parts of the world, lived in (NOTE This is an unedited firstdraft. The writer was at the 2.0-4.0 cultures with different customs, and so forth. .1 point reading level. I would recommend this assignment only for ESL students out to the ESL students that man;, Americans would whose English proficiency is at the second through fourth grade level or love to meet and talk with them and find out where above and whose reading proficiency is equal to or better than second they came from because most Americans have little through the fourth grade.) information about their country's most recent immi- MOVING grants. It has been two years since this happened two years- As a prewriting exercise, I tell the students that a seven hundn,d thirty days in a rather long time. .fact, whole book has been written about immigrants travel- for most people, things that happened two years ago ing to the United States; their experiences are also would have faded out from their memories. But I can worth sharing. I then read a selection from American still remember things that happened to me two years ago Dreams: Lost and Found, by Studs Terkel.' It is an so well, so clearly. Of course, it did not mean that I have account of Dora Rosenzweig, a Russian immigrant. a better memory, but it is because of things themselves that were big enough to change my whole life and that I Dora's story becomes the model for my students' own can never forget. narrative. It was an e- -ly cold morning in March of 1979 when I After I read this excerpt from American Dreams, was waken up by my mother to prepare my luggage. I we discuss what Dora said and idenefv what we think was leaving home, taking a journey that no one would would be interesting to United State, citizens. Before know how long, how far and how dangerous to look for we begin to write, I ask for the students' input about freedom. Since this would were formed, so many people nat should be discussed in the narrative in sequential had struggle, killed one another nor the sake of freedom. order, and I write their suggestions on the chalkboard. What an abstract noun. it was, and now, for the sake of For instance, we begin asking questions that we it, I was leaving my lovely home, my lovely folks for an believe people would most like to have answered: unknow day to return. Thinking of this, tears filled my eyes, and the past came to my mind. 1. How long ago did this event take place? Before the communists take over of South Vietnam in 2. How did you learn th It you would be moving? April 1975 my father own a prospersons factory, making 3. What was your life like before you left? and sometimes exporting picture frames to the United States. Everything was going on so well that didn't need 'Studs Terkel,American Dreams. Lost and Found.New York. Pan to worry about our living, w° didn't even need to worry theon Books, :980. about the borring war that had been lasted for so long

77 time. Everything seemed so brilliant. However, thing etc. In fact, we were lucky that we w- re not killed by were changed greatly after the communits came to the them. and the women on the boat were not raped by Sot.th from the North. Private commerce, industries them. This had to be God's help. were prohibitt doing things in one's own wev was no The next day, Good luck came to us, we metanother move allowed, wearing fashioned dresses was warned by boat which was on it way to Malaysia too. with the the Communists. In short there was no more individual gruidernce of this boat, we were came to the region of freedom, no more human right. More seriously, food Malaysia. When were hanging around there,a Malay- was not enough for the people, medicines were stopped sian naval ship appeared and the soldiers ordered us that to import. No food no medicines the whole country was we could not land on the Malaysian territory, but they put into a terrible condition. Consequently people began hinted us (mat if our boat could bribe them with a cartain to seek ways to saves lives. The mos common way was amount of money, they might help us. to flue the poor country by boats. Boat people were After satisfying their demand, we were at last allowed produced acodingly. The misseries of "Boat people" had to land on an island names Panang of Malaysia. This been heard for so long. They might lost their liveson was the fourth night of our journey. And these four days their ways of escape, they might meet the Thailand journey were at last ended. pirates and be robbed or killed by then on their way to After living in the small island of Panang for a week, look for freedom they might be. we were transferred to the famous refuger, Camp Bidong Now, soon it came to my turn to be a "Boat people". I where thousand of refugees were get there. wonder it was worth while or not. For this fleeing the Thus our new living as refugees began. In Bidong, we country, my family had paid ten ounces to communist received such as rice, canned food, and water from the government (approximately 4000 US. dollar by that United Nation High Commissioner for Refugees. Mean- time). and the priceless parting of family. (For some while, we were to make procedures so that we could be reasons, beside my brother and I, the rest my family had resettled down in a third country. to stay in Saigon, temporarily I wished). Furthermore Fortunately, our application for resettlement in the we didn't know when this escape would be succussful or U.S. was accepted by the U.S. Governement. Conse, not. We might lost our lives if it failed. quently, we came to the United States in August 1979 At five o'clock, my brother and I came to the bus after four months living in Malaysia. station to wait for the bus that would bring us down to From Vietnam to Malaysia, and from Malaysia to the Bac Lieu, a southern province in Vietnam and the boat U.S. it was really big move in my life, it was no wonder it that we was going to embark was suppose to park there had rooted in my memories. Finally we came to Bak Lieu and then trans ferry to Diem Camau the southern most port. It has about twelve May 1,1981 o'clock mid night when we boarded on the boat names Phuoc An-meaning happiness and safety. From that Although Diem's story is clearly deficient in its cor- moment on, I had left my Mom, my dad, and my youg- rectness, it is one of the most fluent pieces of wrhing est brother my ralatives, my friends, my country, my that she produced all semester. Because she had an everythings! important story to tell and an audienceto write to, she The boat was a little old and fragile boat. It's unbe- truly searched her memory (and the dictionary) to lievable, a boat of 25 yards long and 10 yards widecarry- find the English we rds to convey the dramatic events ing more than three hundred fifty people. Itwas really of her flight from Vietn. Her story and the many crowded on the boat. people were jammed together like others like it by her classmates are starting pointsa sardines. way to make writing in English meaningful for ESL the boat began to sail for our supposed destination students. Malaysia at about one o'clock. The first day ofour journey was uneventful. The sea was as calm as the mirror, therefore, it did not seem much trouble in our trip so far. However, in the second day when the unexperienced captain declared that we had lost our way after reading at tue international water-way. It's hard to imagine how it was like to lose one's way in the ocean. Itwas dangerous to sail without knowing wehere one was going. Mis- fortune never came singly. At noon time, we saw three ships were approaching us, we thought they might beour

saviour. Unfortunately they were not saviors but killers. 4 They were the barbarous Pirate of Thailand. When their 4 ships came close to our little boat, about ten of them just jumped over our boat with blunt lornibes axes and began their search for valuables. Of course, by the means of robbing. After a few hours searchiLg, these beastly pirates finally left with bags of watches, golds, dollars,

78 0 9/13/85: We write in the learning logs so we can write down what we feel, think, and believe. 1 like the learning logs because we can write down what we want to. There's AL,A earning Logs nothing really I don't like about learning logs. Reading Pam's account of her first week in the By Mindy Moffatt eighth grade made me believe in both the cognitive English Teacher, Walker Junior High School, and affective values of learning logs. This aelvity Anaheim Union High School District; provides insight for a Leacher to keep in touct with and Teacher/Consultant, UCI Writing Project the development of students.Ienjoyed writing If your students could freewrite (a la Peter Elbow) supportive, positive comments to students: "I feel this about what they had gleaned during the school day, way, too!" "I'm impressed!" "Thanks for sharing this." what do you imagine they would write? Asa junior The students were anxious to get their logs back; high school teacher, I also wondered. What would not only did they look for my remarks, but also they their perceptions of the day be? The idea of writing reread their entries to see what they had written the in a learning log intrigued me enough to try it. week before. With some junior high students, it often Starting from the first day of the schoolyear and seemed as if a lifetime had passed during the week. every day thereafter, students were instructed to write They remembered the captured moments, the exercises during the last ten minutes "about the day" andto in class, and the trials and tribulations that they had date each entry. Students earned credit for each day's survived. notation. I collected their logs once a week, staggering the collection day so that I would have 30 kgs a day to review instead of 180 a week. Each class period Aqvilf14100.0r0qtfc: had a regular day of the week when the logswere 0 0000:0 140 due. I was surprised that reviewing each day's logs rntauS with the (levqeib took only 20 to 30 minutes, dependingon how many **Ilt0i4004; quick comments I wrote. :Aiprpr,YOFF:e...fr Imagine my reaction when I read Pa.s log of the first week: 9/9/85: I'm in English class right noN (unfortunately). The teacher wants us to write this stupid, dumb, and absolutely boring paragraph. Well, anyway, I'm going to After the first week, when students began to trust learn in this classbut I also havt 'o because the teacher writing in their logs,I gave them more specific will probably yell my brains out if I just sit here. I hate prompts: this class. I really think it's stupid because it's not like I'm going to grow up and tell my kids to do this. Write first about everything you did in class; then tell your reactions and feelings about the activities. I hadn't quite prepared .nyself for suchan honest reflection. But I persevered through her accourts: We had read-around groups that helped us with our paper in punctuation and spelling. If I didn't have them, 9/10/85: Well, today I'm in English again! NoI don't I'd be lost like a needle in a haystack. Greg Hughes want to be but have to be! Well, today we were supposed to be doing a talk about the stupid paper I wrote about I got a good start on my draft about Renee. Debbie yesterday, but the teacher sent me and Michelle out of really gave me some great suggestions on how to spice class because we didn't have the paper, and it was in up my draft. Kevin Donovan our locker and she wouldn't let us go get it. This is This was interesting to have other people besides boring! teachers tell you honestly what they think about your writing.... 9/11/85: Today we got together in groups and discussed I learned how to help other people without things about ourselves. I met some people today that giving away the answer. Heather White are in our group. I guess it's gonna cool. Three more Today we proofread each of our papers. It was kind minutes until the bell. I have to go home! I'm dying of of fun reading other people's papers and correcting them. starvation. I'm getting pretty proud of myself because Nico Dourbetas today I made a friend that was my worst enemy for two Today we stoned to proofread other students' material. years. Bye Bye. I think tbqt it helps me as much as the student I proofread 9/12/85: Well,I've got three minutes totell you for. Russell Clark everything I have to. I feel fine about my writing. My I had fun working on v paper today. We talked about writing makes me fled good because I write down what it and discussed what I cc aid do to fix it. Eric Degenhart I feel, think, and believe, so if people don't like it, that's The class got noisy and Ms. Moffatt almost gave the ok, because it's me and they don't have to beme. whole class a.detention. Eric Degenhart

79 Today, We Noticed things that were I was 'earning a great deal about my students' learn- very interesting and ing piasses. Their feelings were validated when I very Different. I discusses their responses with the whole class. For Learned that example, Chris May wrote, "My writing makes me people Live and feel good in a way that everybody in the class will Listen according to their Lifestyles and sometimes probably respec 'Tie for it." their Status. Chris May When I sharer an insight from a log, the students' learning became more personalized, and my teaching became more focused. What is something you want to know more about? Reading their learning logs was an activity I looked I like writing. I would like to learn morc about science forward to, especially after a difficult day. The'.u- fiction writing. Brady White dents' entries were all I needed to remind me of my I'm a person who is especially interested in new ideas reasons for becoming a teacher. "This is Ms. Moffatt's and would like to learn. Deborah Wissink learning class," wrote Tashawna Donaldson. I knew within a week where certain students needed "It gives us a chance to use our brains," said Chuck my assistance; I did not have to wait until later in White. I felt that I had time to adjust my goals and the quarter to discover that someone was having plans so that I could continue to teach students, not trouble. just content. So many enlightening responses appeared in the logs What do you like about our class? that I made a bulletin board of their disclosures.I noted particularly valuable phrases, allowing students I do like working in groups because they give opinions and help you with what you are doing. Sheila Nora to edit their "freewrite" comments for display. Stu- dents valued the log entries more when this postwriting It makes me feel good when I think of something to step was added. "I want one of my quotes to go on write....I like it because it lets my mind do the writing. the board, but I can't think of anything good enough Sean Ciechomski to write," noted Tod Grossman. I like learning logs becausc you can tell the teacher Parents also appreciated the learning logs. They how you feel about things. Jason Bumcrot were pleased and entertained to see such insight from It's fun writing in learning logs because you search the students. During conferences with parents the logs for and gather your thoughts in a short period of time. became a concrete basis for them to understand a Russell Clark student's perspective regarding goals and expectations of the class. Parents saw that students were learning What don't you like about learning logs or our class? how to learn, and I was rewarded when parents Sometimes I don't like learning logs because there is expressed that they wished their English classes had either nothing to write about or not enough time. Rex been like this. They valued the writing and supported Huang the effort. I don't like the learning logs but as long as we have Students were not the only writers at the end of to do them, I might as well try and make it fun. Anthe., the class period. I joined them by writing in my own Lawson log and allowed them to read my entries. Through If your parents had been watching this class through a this sharing of my own trials and tribulations, I found one-way mirror, what would they have seen? Explain to myself facing the same challenge as theytrusting them what you were doing. one's audience. Having ten minutes of "quiet writing time" at the end of each class was immensely thera- If my parents were here... they would have seen us in groups talking and comment:ng about each other's peutic, especially in a junior high schedule of seven papers which makes it look like we were passing notes daily periods. We were all more prepared to meet the or something. Rex Huang challenges of our next classes after such closure. If my mom or dad were observing our class today, Regardless of the subject matter or the ability levels of students, spending the last few minutes of class they'd be pleased cuz we got a lot of work done... I'm proud of myself, and I'm sure my parents would be too! writing learning logs allows teachers and students to Stefanie Takii harvest memories, trust, smiles, and knowledge. As If my parents were observing this class, they would Stefanie hill explained, "It kind of makes me feel good infer that we. were a rowdy, unsupervised, uncontrolled to know that I'm helping people with using my class, but in a way independent because even though we knowledge and putting it together with theirs to make were talking a lot, we were also working at the same our wilting better." We are learning how to learn with time. Michael Lietzow logs.

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Teaching the Domains of Writing By Nancy McHugh Director, Writing Competencies, Los Angeles Unified School District

Dividing the "universe of discourse" into domains is of modes and audiences. A teachermay plan lessons not new. Traditionally, there have been at least three exclusive to one domain at a time (a domainas a unit) domains in the curriculum: descriptive, narrative, and and explore the variety of Liodes within that domain exoository writing. However, until recently the wide- (sensory/ descriptive domain: journal entries, tone spread practice had been for teachers in the elemen- poems, informal essays, letters, monologues, and so tary grades to cor :entrate on creative writing (mainly forth); or a teacher may choose to work witha theme imaginative/narrative writing) and for teachers in the or an experience and move from domain to domain secondary grades to emphasize expository writing and mode to mode crafting communication for a va- almost to the exclusion of other domains. riety of audiences and purposes. Preplanning isessen- The Los Angeles Unified School District reintro- tial, even though the teach.:,i may choose to followup duced the broad concept of domains in writing in 1976 an in-class lead and deviate from the plans occasion- when it printed and distributed a description of its ally. composition program and suggested four domains: sensory/ descriptive, imaginative / narrative, practical/ DeseriptEori of the Four Domains of Writing informative, and analytical/expository. St..:ral the- .The four domains are categories for defining some- ories were behind this move One was that students do what exclusive purposes of writing. Part of writing better in one domain than in another; therefore, the conipetence is having a clear concept of the intent for curriculum should have balance to provide equal the writing, including audience, and being able to opportunity for succe's for all students, regardless of organize in the mode (form) that best fits that inten- their abilities, and plans for careersor continuing tion. In the early grades, the teacher may want to education. Another theory was that, although the select the mode best suited for the domain and writing domains are not totally discrete (indeed, they often task. In the upper grades, the teacher may want to blend one into the other), each has a place in writing/ encourage students to select the mode that seems most thinking development; and all are necessary forcom- reasonable, perhaps providing a variety from which to petent writing. With the most difficult expository task, a person probably uses all four domainsto develop a theme. Another theory for using the four Writingtorneis a voyage, an odyssey, a domains was that, although any modecan probably discovery; because Pm neVer certain of be in any domain (poem as description,as narra- precisely whall will find. tive, as information. as analysis), working in separate GA BRIEL FIELDiNG domains encourages the teacher to usea wide variety

0, 0- choose. For example, after a prewriting exercise of present information without much analysis or expla- listening to a record, the students may want to express nation. Working in this domain, students learn to give their feelings about the experience. They will be using attention to detail, accuracy, clarity and appropriate- the sensory/descriptive domain. The students may be ness of tone, and mastery of forms like the letter. assigned a word poem or a paragraph, or they may be A fourth domain is analytical/ expository, which is asked to express their feelings, and a number of ways the most difficult because it is the most abstract. in might be suggested: Dear Diary, a word poem, haiku, this domain the imention is to analyze, explain, per- a letter to a friend, and so forth. suade, and influence. The writers tell why and how The easiest of the four domains in writing is senso- about a subject. They borrow from the other three ry/descriptive because it deals with the concrete. In domains to make their points, and they emphasize this domain a stment tries to present a picture in organization and development. wards, one so vivid that the reader or listener can recapture many of the same perceptions and feelings Intent and Suggested Modes of Each Domain that the writer has had. The writer draws on all the The following chart identifies the intent of each senses to capture this picture of a person, place, or domain and suggests possible modes of writing within object. In this domain student writers must focus and the domains: sharpen their powers of perception and ability to choose precise words. I. SENSORY/DESCRIPTIVE A second domain is imaginative/ narrative (crea- Intent: to describe in vivid sensory detail; to express individual tive) writing in which the writer's main intent is to tell feelings a storysometimes real, sometimes imaginary. The forms may range widely, but the main idea is to tell Possible modes: what happens. In this domain student writers build Dn Journal entry Diary entry the first domain in that they must put descriptive Personal letter detail into a time/order frame. Students learn order- Personal essay ing, transition, balance, suspense, climax, beginnings, Poem (haiku, diamantel, cinquain, catalogue, prose and endings. This domain requires students to become poem, acrostic, and many others) more adept in using verb forms. Monologue In the third domain, practical/ informative, stu- Dialogue dent are required to provide clear information; often Advertising copy the writing in this domain takes the form of what Character sketches might be considered social and business correspon- dence; for example, letters, memorandums, direc- II. IMAGINATIVE/ NARRATIVE tions, and notes. The main intent is for the writer to Intent: to tell what happens, real or imaginary; to put in a time sequence Possible modes: Anecdotes Limericks Diary entries (fictional and real) Captions to cartoons, pictures i Dialogues Monologues Scripts Capsule stories (outline for plot or reconstruction of a i cartoon strip) .Biographical and autobiographical sketches Vignettes Short stories Folk tales Myths Allegories Ballads and other poetic forms (story emphasis)

IA diamante is a seven-line poem written in the snape of a diamond. The form of the poem is as follows. one noun, two adjectr , th .ee participles, four words that ft,.m a phrase, three participles, tw ) adjectives, and one noun.

82 III. PRACTICAL/INFORMATIVE Intent. to present basic information clearly Possible modes: We do not write in order to betuukr- Postcard message stood, write i t order to understand: Friendly notes of various kinds (invitation, thank you, 6.114 acknowledgment of gift, and so forth) Lecture/class notes Memorandum Directions/steps in a process Materials and equipment:Popcorn or other suitable Self-evaluation statements sense stimulus, paper and pen, chalkboard, overhead Commercials projector. News report Accident report Prewriting: Popcorn (if possible, popped in class) is sampled by students who examine it minutely and clus- Business letters (complaint, order, request for informa- ter all of their responses. Students share clusters (in tion, and so forth) groups, orally, on chalkboard). These experiences and Application ideas form the basis for later writing. (For more sugges- Summary tions on using popcorn in a prewriting exercise, see Sue Precis Rader Willett's practical idea, which appears in "The Scientific abstract Encyclopedia paragraphs Process" section of this book, and the section of the book entitled "Clustering: A Prewriting Process.") Composing skills:Students write two or three of their IV. ANALYTICAL/EXPOSITORY cluster ideas in complete sentences and check each oth- Intent: to explain, analyze, persuade er's work. The teacher shows them how to transform these sentences into metaphoric statements: The pop- Possible modes: corn is white = The popcorn is as white as cotton puffs. Single paragraph/ topic sentence plus support The teacher also reviews The form for a diamante or Editorial cinquain. Subsequent to 'eater assignments, the teacher Little theme (three pat agraphs) reviews the format and special rules for a commercial or Letter to editor advertisement, a descriptive essay, an interview, and an Speech expository essay. Dialogue to persuade Writing Task Reviews and reports I: (Differentiated) Choose one or more of the following to try: Poems (to persuade or analyze, make analogies) Multiparagraph themes (describe/conclude; narrate/ 1. Write another of your cluster ideas as a metaphoric conclude; analyze/conclude; analyzq persuade; define, statement. classify, defend a judgment, interpret literature) 2. Write several of your ideas in metaphoric state- Library/research paper ments, and put them together to form a catalogue poem. 3. Write a cinquain or diamante, including one of Now That the same prewriting experience may be used your metaphors in it. as the stimulus f. r a variety of exercises in the domains. Editingand evaluation:Students share their work in For example, after popping corn, onemay describe in pairs or small groups, making suggestions for revision or a variety of modes, explain the process, write adver- corrections. The focus is on "help" and "appreciation," tisements, explain popcorn's origin in a folk tale,ana- not "^ritici:m." lyze the various uses of popcorn, or attack or defend it as a food. Extension activities2:(To be used over the next three or four days, depending on the nature of the class): A Plan t() Introduce the Domains of Writing 1. In small groups, read several poems, especially visual ones (e.g., Robert Frost's "Stopping by Woods Depending on your students' needs and the objec- ;q on a Snowy Evening," Theodore Roethke's "My tives of your course, you may want to spend froma t?, Papa's Waltz"). Cluster or draw the visual images few days to several weeks on each of the four domains. in the poems and share in pairs or small groups. Provided below is a five-day plan to introduce the Cluster the ideas that the poet is trying to present domains of writing to your students: ti through these images. Share your concepts in c't groups. Write a brief explication of the poem that Objectives:Students will be able to awaken their senses, you like best. (Draw scenes.) use clustering to elicit language, produce metaphoric description, create poetic forms, fashion commercials/ 2These activities were based on ideas provided by Kathy Schultheis, advertisements, form interview questions, vary senten- Cadre II, Writing Competence Project, Carver Junior High School, Los ces, write exposition. Angeles Unified School District. MATERMLS t,2. Expand you original clustered ideas into a senso- .r.' ry/ descriptive essay. You may put it in the form of I. Holiday cards a diary entry or journal if you wish. Try to involve 2. Paintings or photographs as many senses as possible in your description. Try 4 PREWRITING ACTIVITIES -:-..--, to include a few metaphors as well. Cluster again if or" you need to do so. I. The teacher will present several greeting cards t5,.; NOTE.The teacher may present a sentence combining exer- and ask each student to select r ;ard. cise as a composing skill prior to this exercise or the next. 2. The students will look carefully at the picture on their cards and concentrate on remembering as 3. Examine or revise y ..r cluster on popcorn to many details as they can. gather data for a commercial or advertisement. Name your product (e.g., Happy Hour Popco. .) 3. Eact student will cluster as many details of his and do one or more of the following: or her picture as possible in one minute without a. Create a one-sentence slogan for the product. looking at the picture. b. Create an advertisement by giving your slogan 4. The students will write titles for their pictures and two other sentences which follow up on the based on the details they have created. ideas. c. Expand your advertisement to a full-page or a 5. The teacher will help students to state in a sen- commercial. Add description and selling points. tence th^ main impression that they received Create a dialogue or skit if you wish. from the picture and ask them to develop it with the specific details from the cluster.

Students may present their advertisements or com COMPOSING SKILLS mercials complete with props. I. Make use of descriptive words. Describesensa- 4. With a partner, create a series of questions (five to tions of feeling, hearing, seeing, smelling,or eight) that you could ask an adult and that would tastir.g. elicit some good ideas and memories. Example: Do you remember an early encounter with popcorn? Copy each adjective and after each write at least Interview three adults about their memories, feel- one noun that completes a picture. ings, and ideas about popcorn. You may want to Example: Blazing fire, blazing furnace, blazing sun revise your questions after you ask them once. bitter dazzling roaring sharp Write a paper from the information you collected buzzing gritty rough tart in your interview, and share the results with the clanging moist rushing whizzing class. 2. Use words as nouns and adjectives. Write one Write an expository essay on one of Lae following: sentence using the word as . noun and another uses of popcorn, changes in the way popcorn is as an adjective. used today and 20 51 ,rs ago, popcorn as a common Example: Flower bond between generations, values that popcorn offers. (Choose your own topic if you prefer.) NounMy favorite flower is the lilac. AdjectiveDad exhibits lilacs in the flower show. fruit house guest Writing Assignments in Each Domain tree egg silver winter song programdress The following are descriptions of writing assign- 3. Make a comparison: Compare things which ments that are specifically focused on each of the four are domains. You may use these as points of departure to not really alike, recognizing one similarity be- develop your own lesson plans. tween two basically unlike obj:r.ts or ideas. a. Students will work in small groups of three or four. They will examine all the cards And 1. SENSORY/DESCRIPTIVE DOMAIN identify at least a major impression and the OBSERVING AND ORGAN 'LING DETAILS details which evoke it for each card. OBJECTIVES b. The cards will be circulated until eachgroup I. Students will be able to sharpen their senses and gets a new set to work with. deepen their sensitivities to sensory impressions. c. As students view cards, they will respond by 2. Students will be able to write vivid, specific, pointing out similarities they sec between the creative sentences. object illustrated and something else. 3. Students will be able to use figurative language. d. Students write a simile or metaphor abouta 4. Students will be able to write effective, coherent, holiday card. organized descriptions. 4. Review elements of complete sentences. MATERIALS Chapter Three in John Steinbeck's TheGrapes of Wrath, a chapter devoted entirely toa turtle that makes a torturous crossing ofa main highway, during which it is flipped like tiddledywinksafter a pickup truck runs over the edge of its shell PREWRITING ACTIVITIES 1. Using cartoons, pictures,poems, and so forth about turtles, make obsi;rvations and discuss turtles. 2. Read orally Chapter Three of TheGrapes of Wrath. 3. Discuss the changes that would haveto be made in the story if it were told froma different point of view; e.g., the turtle's. 4. Discuss possible points of view.

WRITINGTING TASKICOMPOSING SKILLS First, choose one of the followingto cross a highway as the turtle had to do: blind man chicken snake Puppy child boy scout and old lady ...4211:1&1&40, drunk tarantula a person or animal of your choosing Then choose one of the following to WRITING TASK come down the highway and confront theone you chose above: Write an interesting paragraph in whichyou dis- Hell's Angels pickup truck cuss your painting or photograph in close detail. Marine Corps Band A group or vehicle of Try to make the reader (your audience isa pen pal) moving van your choosing see your painting or picture as vividly as possible Then, using the voice ofone of the participants, and feel what you feel for it. You should write describe the trip across the highway. complete sentences and also vary yoursentence structure to create interest. EXTENSION ACTIVITIES' EVALUATION With sound effects record the good EDITING PLANS papers on tape. Students exchange papers and read them aloud in EVALUATION small groups. They will me.- needed corrections. Teacher reads final drafts holistically. (Seethe EVALUATION "Evaluation" section of this book fora discussion of holistic scoring.) Teacher selects examples and duplicates them. Stu- dents are to underline the phrase(s) expressing the EXTENSION ACTIVITIES main impression in each paragraph andto discuss Those who wish may read their storiesto the entire whether or not there are enough supporting details class. and whether any of the details do notsupport the main idea. III. PRACTICAL/INFORMATIVE DOMAIN EXTENSION ACTIVITIES BALLOON EXPERIMENT Students create their own greeting cards and writea OBJECTIVES poem based on their experience with sensory impres- 1. Students will be able to address postcards. sions: haiku, acrostic verse,or starters. 2. Students will be able to write simple,clear, and concise directions. H. IMAGINATIVE/ IARRATIVE DOMAIN 3. Students will be able touse and measuring POINT OF VIEW skills. OBJECTIVE 4. Students will be able to draw logical conclusions Students will be able to narrate an imaginaryexpe- from given facts. rience using the voice of a person. 5. Students will experiencea "space" launching.

85 an appropriate salutation, write a message on the postcard to the person who will find it. Inyour message, tell this person that you are doing an experiment for your physical science class; therefore, you are requesting that this person first write on the postcard the names of the city and cross streets where the postcard was found and, secondly, to drop the postcard in the nearest mailbox. Use an appropriate complimentary close and signyour a name.

EDITING PLANS Teacher will edit the rough drafts of the messages (before the messa.,es are written on the postcards). EVALUATION Using a rubric, the student and then the teacher will evaluate the completed postcard. (See the "Evalua- tion" section of this book for suggestions.)

EXTENSION ACTIVITIES Punch holes in the postcards and fill the balloons with helium. Then attach two or three helium-filled balloons to the postcards. A month later, most of the postcards should have been returned, depend- MATERIALS ing on climatic factors. Then compile a list of the 1. Postcards, pens, stamps places where the postcards were found. The stu- 2. Maps of California dents are assigned to locate these places on the 3. Balloons (ordinary rubber balloons), string map, to measure the distance each balloon traveled, 4. Helium and perhaps to write a complete report of the experiment. PREWRITING ACTIVITIES 1. Class discusses space launchings, lighter-than-air aircraft, the properties of gases, and the proper- IV. ANALYTICAL/ EXPOSITORY DOMAIN ties of helium. A LETTER TO THROCKMORTON 2. Students are each assigned to bring to schoola (U. S. History) postcard an-; stamp. Further, they are told that OBJECTIVES if they fulfill the assignment, a surprise will await 1. Students will be able to formulate explanations them. and a rationale for the American Revolution. 3. At the next class meeting, the surprise, the bal- 2. Students will be able to organize a friendly letter. loon experiment, is revealed and discussed. 3. Students will be able to develop logical sequence

COMPOSING SKILLS in written arguments. 1. The teacher presents instructions on how to 4. Students will be able to analyze historic events address a postcard. from the perspective of the eighteenth century. 2. The teacher reviews sentence and paragraph MATERIALS structure. 1. Any good U. S. history textbook 3. The teacher reviews the development of apara- 2. Copy of fictitious letter from a former teenage graph by successive steps. classmate in England

4. The teacher reviews the necessity to write clear PREIVRITINO ACTIVITIES and complete sentences. With readings, discussions, and lectures, the teacher 5. The teacher stresses the necessity to use correct and students explore in depth the causes and events forms in addressing and writing postcards. of the Revolutionary War period.

WRITING TASK COMPOSING SKILLS Write your address in the proper space on the post- The teacher and students review the form for a card, and put a postage stamp on the card. Using friendly letter.

86 kl WRITING TASK EDITING PLANS Pretend you are a youngperson :n the colonies Students may check each other's letters for facts, about 1776, just after the Declaration ofIndepen- tone, and letter form. dence was issued. You still rememberyour good frlend, Throckmorton Algire, with whomyou went EVALUATION to school in London before you andyour parents Teacher develops a rubric forcorrectness of letter came to the New World. Throckmorton has written form, logicalness and completeness of both facts to you that he is surprised that the coloniesare now and concepts, and perception of the prevailingsen- in open rebellion against King George;Throckmor- timents of eighteenth century America. ton is sure it is treason. And he is confused about EXTENSION ACTIVITIES the reasons why sucha rebellion developed. In a recent letter to you, he asked you these questions: Without identifying writers, teacher choosesespe- cially effective and ineffective "Do you think such a treasonous thing letters and reads as the Dec- them to the class (ineffective first). Then laration of Independence is defensible?"and "Who the class will win this war?" votes on whether or not their views would have been changed if they had been Throckmorton.If Read Throckmorton's letter carefullyand write possible, the teacher should read back to him. lettzrs from a different class to avoid embarrassment ofauthors. Keep in mind that Throckmorton gets news from a Providing students with practice in all four great distance, and his letter indicates that domains almost of writing will enable themto hone specific writing everyone in England thinks of the "patriots"as trai- skills (use of concrete diction and figurative tors. You will need to explain carefully and logi- language, sequencing, transition, construction ofa logical argu- cally how the current rebellion developed.You ment, and so forth) and make them should include facts and aware of their your own opinion to help options as writers. Then in the future thestudents can your friend understand both the sequence of events consciously integrate elements from the and the prevailing colonial spirit. different domains to suit theirpurpose and audience.

1 I' i s $

Specific Activities for Teaching the Domains of Writing I in the Elementary Grades

By Mary Turner Principal, Rolling Hills Elementary School, Fullerton Elementary School District; and Teacher/Consultant, UCI Writing Project and Rich Blough Principal, Fern Drive Elementary School, Fullerton Elementary School District

We developed the following continuumof writing activities to make the domains of writingmeaningful to elementary classroom teachers. Using the Los Angeles Unified School District's modelas a point of reference, we createda graduated list of specific examples of writing skills for each ofthe domains, kindergarten through grade six. Wefound that a detailed sequence of this kind encouragedteachers to include lessons in all of the domainsrather than to MARY TURNER AND RICU °LOUGH concentrate on one or two modes of expression.

87 Activities for Kindergarteners in the Domains of Writing

Sensory! Descriptive Imaginative' Narrative Practical' Informative Analytical' Expository

Tells about experiences in Begins to identify and par- Dictates notes Begins to tell about a se- the five sensory areas of ,icipate orally in simple ries of pictures seeing, hearing, tasting, nursery rhymes, chants, Dictates simple stories about experiences touching, and smelling limericks, and jingles Begins to summarize a Dictates signs, labels, and story Uses words to describe Begins to dictate stories colors captions Begins to explain an inci- Begins to create fanciful dent or event Uses words to describe characters Dictates invitations shapes and sizes Dictates greetings Begins totellstories in Begins to use words that own words Identifies own name describe people and ani- Begins to create simple mals and their character- stories istics Begins to create imaginary Begins to use language to animals identify sounds and noises Begins to use language to designate location

Activities for First Graders in the Domains of Writing

Sensory' Descriptive Imaginative' Narrative Practical' Informative Analytical' Expository

Uses descriptive language Begins to identify and to cre- Writes letters of the alpha- Begins to organize a series to tell about experiences ate simple rhymes, chants, bet of pictures in sequence and impressions for each limericks, and jingles of the five senses: seeing, Begins to dictate and write Begins to organize a series Begins to dictate and write hearing, tasting, touching, own name of sentences in a logical experiences and stories and smelling Begins to write simple notes sequence Begins to dictate and write Uses specific language re- Begins to write invitations Begins to categorize items words for simple songs lating to colors Begins to write signs, la- Begins to collect informa- Uses specific language to Begins to create charac- bels, and captions tion ters, lifelike or fanciful, and describe sizes and shapes Begins to dictate and write Begins to summarise a to dictate or write stories story in appropriate se- Begins to use language of about them friendly letters, using sim- comparison plified letter format quence Begins to dictate endings Becomes aware of and be- Uses specific words to de- for stories Begins to dictate and write scribe people and animals, simple greetings gins to use a variety of their characteristics, and Begins to dictate and write sentence types or patterns original stories Begins to write one or two their actions in dictating and beginning facts about an event or writing Begins to describe imagi- special interest Uses language that de- nary animals scribes sounds and noises Begins to write one- and Begins to use personifica- two-sentence accounts of Uses language to designate an experience location tion in dictating or writing a story

1 C 0 88 Activities for Second Graders in the Domains of Writing

Sensory /Descriptive Imaginative/ Narrative Practical/ Informative Analytical' Expository Expands use of specific Writes endings for stories Writes own name and the Writes one or more sen- words that relate to the names of others in manu- sensory impressions Writes simple summary tences about a picture or of story heard script letter forms series of pictures Expands use of language Writes simple notes relating to colors Writes new endings for Sorts and lists items in familir stories Writes invitations two categories Expands use of words in describing sizes and shapes Writes about imaginary Writes signs, labels, and Collects and organizes in- animals, people, and ob- phrases for captions formation Increases use of vocabu- jects lary in describing location Writes simple friendly let- Summarizes a story in se- Begins to use personifica- ters and greetings quence Expands use of compara- tion in writing original stories tive language Writes lists Uses more than one kind Dictates and writes new Writes one or more facts of sentence in writing about Uses language of contrasts endings for limericks and an event or experience poems about an event or area of Expands use of language interest Writes two or more sen- to describe people and ani- tences about a single idea, mals, their characteristics, event, or experience and their actions

Activities for Third Graders in the Domainsof Writing Sensory/ Descriptive Imaginative/ Narrative Practical/ Informative Analytical' Expository Writes about experiences Writes simple rhymes Writes invitations and W rites about events in se- and impressions in the zeas greetings of each of the five senses Writes new endings for quence of ideas limericks, poems, and Writes signs, labels, and Uses specific language to Begins to write articles chants sentences for captions for class newspaper describe colors and shades of colors Begins to write haiku and Writes titles for stories Begins to collect facts on other forms of poetry Uses specific language to Writes personal:letters and a selected topic and writes describe sizes and shapes Writes original fairy tales notes an explanation using them and tall tales in writing Writes addresses and re- Begins to select and use Continues to expand use Begins to keep a class turn addresses on enve- exact words in writing a of comparative language diary lopes and postcards description Expands use of contras- Begins to keep a personal Begins to write reports Begins to write simple diary dialogues about events tive language Records telephone mes- Selects and uses words to Rewrites is own words sages Begins to write simple ex- fairy tales, tall tales, myths, describe emotions planations fables, and folktales Fills in application for library card Begins to use outline form Composes original fairy in writing explanations tales, fables, and tall tales Begins to prepare book reviews Begins to use paragraphs Writes simple lyrics for in writing when interpret- Begins to chart informa- songs ing a sequence of pictures, tion Adds episodes to stories explaining a picture, and Prepares group reports describing a happening Begins to write short plays Writes a new plot for a familiar story Lists things that objects would say if they could talk 1 0 89 Activities for Fourth Graders in the Domains ofWriting Sensory! Descriptive Imaginative' Narrative Practical! Informative Analytical' Expository Expands use of vocabu- Creates and writes rhymes Writes friendly letters Writes an account of an lary relating to sensory Writes original riddles, impressions Writes simple business let- experience or event in se- limericks, and chants ters quence Expands use of language Writes haiku and other Writes original invitations Arranges a series of facts relating to colors and forms of poetry shades of colors and greetings and writes them in chro- Composes and writes orig- nological order Expands use of language a Writes addresses and re- inal myths and legends Selects and uses specific relating to sites and shapes turn addresses on enve- Writes puppet plays and lopes and postcards words in writing a de- Adds to vocabulary of con- vignettes scription or explanation trastive language Writes short reports Writes original stories Writes an account of an Begins to write personal Records telephone mes- event from a simple out- sketches Writes original lyrics for sages containing one or line known songs more facts Selects and creates specific Writes simple explanations words to describe emotions Creates new names for Charts information known things Uses outline as basis for Writes simple news arti- writing explanation cles of one or more sentences Develops and writes a paragraph as a unit with a Fills in various forms, such main idea and supporting as library card application facts and front of test answer sheet Begins to expand ideas in written form Writes sentences for news items on bulletin board Writes individual report

Activities for Fifth Graders in the Domains of Writing

Sensory/Descriptive Imaginative/ Narrative Practical! Informative Analytical' Expository Creates sensory images Creates and writes rhymes Writes friendly letters of through word choices Writes a paragraph account in more than one pattern more than one paragraph of a sequence of events Creates language relating Writes original riddles, lim- Writes business letters Writes directions with in- to colors and shades of ericks, chants, and poems colors Writes invitations, greet- creasing precision in selec- Writes haiku, cinquains, ings, acceptances, thank- tion of vocabulary Creates language relating and other forms of poetry you notes, and congrat- to sizes and shapes Selects and uses exact Begins to write ballads ulations words in writing an explana- Extends use of vocabu- Begins to write a log Takes and records tele- tion or description lary of contrast phone messages Writes simple dialogue Uses transition words, phrases, Writes personal sketches Writes directions and rec- and sentences Begins to write biogra- Writes simple short plays ipes and vignettes Uses outline as basis for phies and autobiographies Records and organizes notes writing Continues to write origi- Identifies, selects, and uses nal myths and legends Writes reports based on Expands ideas synonyms, antonyms, hom- interviews onyms, and homographs Writes interpretations of Develops and writes one old sayings Writes more than one kind or more paragraphs as units, of newspaper article each paragraph having a Writes original songs main idea Fills in various forms Expands known stories Writes reports based on Writes original stories reading and on spoken Writes poems about his- reports by others torical events and others Writes simple announce- based on scientific topics ments and explanations 90 Activities for Sixth Graders in the Domains of Writing

Sensory! Descriptive Imaginative! Narrative Practical! Informative Analytical! Expository Writes personal sketches Writes rhymes in a vari- Writes friendly letters using Writes more than one para- ety of pat:erns Writes to express feelings greeting, body, and closing graph in an account of an and actions Increases ability to write Writes business letters us- event or experience, a de- Writes personal essays original riddles, limericks, ing proper format scription of a favorite food Creates sensory images chants, and poems Writes invitations, accep- or sport, or an explana- through choice of words Writes short stories tances, thank-you notes, tion of how something works and letters of congratula- Writes and creates images Writes biographies Expands use of transition tions words, phrases, and sen- through use of language Writes an autobiography comparisons of many kinds Writes messages on a post- tences in writing an ex- of things Writes various kinds of card planation poetry Writes factual descriptions Addresses envelopes and Uses supporting facts in writing a report in imaginative ways using Writes ballads postcards appropriately descriptive and specific lan- Writes and keeps a diary Records telephone mes- Takes notes, organizes guage sages with exact facts them, and expands them Writes and keeps a log for a report 6 Writes descriptions of char- Creates and writes origi- Writ,ls directions, recipes, Uses outline form in writ- acters nal dialogue and steps in making a product ing Uses and writes with syn- Creates and writes plays Writes opinion supporting onyms, antonyms, homo- and vignettes Takes and organizes notes graphs, and words with a point of view Makes lists multiple meaning Creates and writes origi- Writes summaries nal folktales and tall tales Creates word pictures Writes announcements and explanations 4 Writes comparisons to clar- through choices of words Creates and writes origi- ify meaning nal myths, and legends Writes reports based on Writes conversations facts Writes contrasts in sentences and paragraphs Writes new twists for oid Writes reports based on sayings spoken reports, interviews, Develops ideas in depth and readings Writes interpretations of figurative language Writes a variety of news arucles Writes continuing stories Writes telegrams Writes original scripts for films and filmstrips Writes comparisons Rewrites stories into scripts Writes opinion based on for films and filmstrips facts Writes poetry and stories Writes concise titles and on historical and scientific captions topics Writes simple original commercials for original products or existing products for television time slots Writes news stories and headlines Composes original advertisements Writes weather reports Writes editorials Uses reference sources, including bibliographies

i 0' 91 have planned vocabulary lessons of sensory/descriptive words. For example, I have shownmy students a box of 64 crayons to remind them of the variations inshade and intensity of color. They often forget aboutmagenta, teal blue, and chartreuse. Take a quiet moment to tune the students intotheir present environment. Have *hem stop to listen to all the different sounds in the room, feel thetemperature, look carefully at the carpet, and so forth. Whenyou cite class is ready to begin the exercise,turn out the lights and project the first slide on ascreen that all can see. Slide one: Ask for volunteers to describe thescene in front of them as if they were there. One ata time, students will begin to explain what theysense by prefacing

their statements with, "I see..., I hear ..., I smell ..., I feel...,I taste. ." (You may wish to omit the sense of taste, but do not ignore it completely for later sing Visual Stimuli to Motivate assignments.) Reluctant Writers and to Foster Give immediate positive reinforcementto those who use Descriptive Writing Skills specific and vivid language tocreate the scene. Tell them U exactly what you find effective: "The wordmahogany describes accurately the color of the leather saddle...I By Sue Rader Willett get a strong feeling of the sun warmingyour shoul- English Teacher, Capistrano Valley HighSchool; ders .. ." and Teacher/Consultant, UCI Writing Project When you and your students believeyou are ready to proceed, ask for a few (two to five) imagery guidesto Motivating reluctant students to write isone of the continue looking at the screen while the othersput their toughest challenges facingany teacher. Often we heads on their desks and cover theireyes. blame the problem on previous instructors,poor self- images, television, inadequate funding, boringtext- books, and (sometimes) ourselves. Theproblem seems .Part of writing competence is having-a to be perennial, but it is not without its solutions.I clear concept of the intent for thewriting, have found that using concrete visual stimuli inwrit- including audience, and being able ing assignments seems to motivate andstimulate students to begin writing. to-organize in'the mode (form) that best fits that intention. The following lesson on beginning descriptivewrit- NANCY AfellUGII ing works well with students of wideranging abilities and grade ley&I have employed it with greatsuccess in seventh thro 4,h twelfth grade Englishclasses, but I Slide two: Project another slideon the screen, and ask foresee no difficulty in adapting it forstudents in the the guides to begin constructing thescene for the other primary and upper elementary grades. "blind" class members. One byone, the guides tell the others exactly what they see, hear, smeli, feel,and taste. LESSON: I SEE, I HEAR, I SMELL, I FEEL, ITASTE It is important to keep the comments quicklypaced to increase interest and motivation. Supplies needed: Slide projector,screen, slides of interest to students. (I have used slides of scenic, vacation The "blind" students may then ask the guides questions spots, local places of interest, common neighborhood for more specific information: "How close isthe tree to and household scenes, master artworks, andhistorical the rock? What shade of blue is the sky? Whatelse would sites. Many can be purchased at parks,museums, or I hear?" Stop the students from asking questionswhen through publications such as ArizonaHighways.9 you believe sufficient descriptions have been provided. Set the stage: Explain to your students thatthey will All the students may then lookup to see the slide. Ask become sensory guides to their classmates, and itis their the stud !nts if they had imagined thescene as it really responsibility to construct vivid imagesfor each other. appears and, if not, what did they see differently and Emphasize the importance of usingan accurate vocabu- why? Emphasize the strengths of the descriptionsof the lary that focuses on the senses. To helpmy students, I student guides but also tuff Illy suggest howthey could have improved their descriptions. This isthe natural 'Arizona Highways is published monthly by the ArizonaDepartment of time to discuss descriptive techniques that leadto effec- Transportation, 2039 West Lewis Avenue, Phoenix,AZ 85009. tive writing.

92 You may wish to reinforce the following: This practice is designed to lead your student writers into I. Organization, order, unifying factors developing effective paragraphs and compositions. Longer a. Top to bottom and bottom to top papers may be developed, with entire paragraphs unified b. Side to side by one of the five senses. The writingmay also be inte- c. Diagonally grated into assignments of narration, saturationreport- d. Out to focal point or in to focal point ing, journal writing, impression cataloguing, e. Tracing the light source poetry, f. Near to far or far to near expository essays, letter writing, speech writing, andso forth. 2. Word choice a. Vividness b. Accuracy As you begin to motivate your studentsto write by 3. Comparison and contrast using slides and photographsas motivators, you will a. Metaphor develop your own techniques to charm that reluctant b. Simile writer into action. Then, believe itor not, one day you 4. Originality may even hear, "May we do some more of that fun a. Avoiding cliches writing today?" b. Using a fresh approach c. Creating an apt mood or impression 5. Full sensory involvement a. Sight (shape, light, color, texture) b. Sound (pitch, volume, intensity, rate) Guided Imagery in the c. Taste (sweet or sour, texture, temperature) Sensory/Descriptive and d. Touch (texture, temperature, weight) e. Smell (often linked to taste) Imaginative/Narrative Domains Continue the oral practice until the students are confi- By Dale Sprowl dent with their skills and are ready to stop. (Donot "slide" them to death!) English Teacher, Irvine High School, Irvine Unified School District; Begin to write: Ease into the writing practice by assign- and Teacher/Consultant, UCI Writing Project ing students to write individual phrasesor sentences rather than to say them aloud to the class. After the Guided imagery, a technique that enables students majority of the students finish writing their descriptions, to tap their creative imagination and visual thinking encourage them to share their best sentences with the skills, motivates students to write fluently in thesen- class. Continue to reinforce good techniques. sory/descriptive and imaginative/ narrative domains. Variations of this exercise may include clusteringor "A Walk Through the Forest" isan exercise in guided making lists of words or phrases. Homeworkmay imagery that I have used with students ina ninth involve continuing the writing practice by havingstu- grade basic level class, and it is outlined belovt. How- dents use magazine pictures or snapshotsas motivators. ever, the lesson could be adapted to any other grade or ability level. The role of the teacher in this exercise is as a guide to help students create pictures intheir minds. Once they have formulated these mental images, it is easy for them to translate the images into descriptive or narrative passages. A WALK THROUGH ME FOREST Day 1 Prewriting exercise: Turn off the lights and ask the students to close their eyes and relax. Read the following story slowly, pausing between sentences,to give the students time to develop images. Take 10-15 min utes for this. Picture yourself in a forest. You are walking through the forest on a path. As you walk, you see a person. You exchange glances with the person, but then theperson leaves. You continue walking and you come to a body of water. You cross the body of water. You begin walking on ne the path again. Soon, you find a cup. You pick itup, look closely at it, and put it down. You continue walking until the path leads you to a fence. Or the other side of the fence, you see a house. You go through the fence and into the house. Inside is a table. Something is on the table. Asyou are looking at it, you see the person you met in the forest.

93 As you are relating this story,you may want '.o add ary terms that apply (plot, character, conflict, setting, questions such as, "What does the forestsmell like?" or point of view, and theme). "What is the weather like?" or "What is thetexture of the water like?" Try not to limit the students' imagesby "A Walk Through the Forest" is justone of many using only he for the personor by adding a handle to the guided imagery exercises thatcan be used to stimulate cup. If it is left open to the student, he or she will be able fluency and enhance both descriptiveand narrative to create a more vivid picture. writing skills. Try this particular prewritingexpe- After telling your students thestory, turn on the lights rience as a trial case, and then developyour own and ask them to share what theysaw on their walks guided imagery frames to suit the objectivesof your through the forest. Be sure to ask for specificdescrip- class. tions of itemssuch as thecup, the house, the table and list on the chalkboard the variousperceptions your students had. Then ask them to retrace theirjourney in writing. Allow 20-30 minutes for this exercise. Sequencing to Music: The Narrative Domain By Mike Conlon English Teacher, San Clemente High School, Capistrano Unified School District; and Teacher/Consultant, UCI Writing Project

Whether we approve or not, music has becomethe "message" from our students' point of view. Forthem, shopping in the mall, tanning at the beach, riding ina car, working, studying, and even writing haveone common elementa constant musical accompani- ment. Rather than fight their system, I believe it is Day 2Read three to five papers aloud and ask the class both appropriate and lssential totap these airwaves to discuss the techniques the writers used toconvey the and thus achieve ourpurpose as instructors and pictures in their minds. Reinforcesensory details, similes, "muses" of writing. Music, I have found,not only metaphors, alliteration, or fine word choice. If thestu- unleashes an inner realm of unlimited fantasy butalso dents were vague in their writing ("Isaw a body of provides the student with a quasi-meditativeaudio water."), elicit and list on the chalkboard possible bodies sensation that allows himor her to focus on the task of water. Then ask specific questions about size, color, at hand while quickly discarding any otherpresent or texture, surroundings, and so forth. Have the students impending distractions. reread their drafts and clarify hazy images. With this in mind, I set about teachingmy students Day 3Read three to five more stories aloudand dis- the basic aspects of sequencing within thenarrative cuss them as you did on day 2. Ask the studentsto domain of writing by simply readingto them a short extend their stories by adding dialogue. Discussnatural sum) framework (with six sections missing),accom- places for dialogue to fit in the story. Ifnecessary, teach panied by appropriate mood music. 'Sikhthe proper dialogue form. Continue writing. procedure, an adequate soundsystem, and a dramatic reading of the framework and "prompt" Day 4Break down into peerresponse groups. Each questions, person reads his or her paper to the group. Then each magical things occur onpaper. The five-step proce- person in the group makes three positivecomments dure I have used follows: about how the writer conveyed the images ("Ilike the Step 1. Inform students thatyou will be reading way you used detail to... ." or "One phrase I liked in a story to them with parts missing, and each of your paper was .., ."), and each person makes one them will be asked to supply the missing helpful suggestion ("One part that seg- was hard for me to ments. Tell them which of the six parts they will visualize was... ."). be responsible for after they have heardall of the Rewrite according to the comments. Make sure all items piece read once. They should listen for themiss- mentioned in the story are described in detailand in sequence. ing sections as well as to the suggestionsas to what might appear in these spots. Days Papers are due. Read three to fivepapers orally. Step 2. With lights outor with the students' eyes Discuss vividness of detail, sequence of events, and liter- closed, start the music, and after the mood ofthe

94 piece is established, slowly begin reading "The Within this room sat what appeared to be an elderly Mysterious Journey" (included below). On arriv- lady in a rocking chair, her back to the doorway, seem- ing at an omitted section, read the prompt-type ingly content to stare out her pictuie window into the questions and suggest possibilities for the section. drifting fog. As John approached her, he noticed... Then allow students time tc, imagine how they (MISSINGSECTION FOUR Describe the old lady. might complete the missing piece. Continue until How do you picture this old lady, the clothes she was you are finished. wer'ing, the texture of her face and hands, the state of mind she seemed to be in as John approached her? Does she make any noises? Does John move closer to get a better look?) Writing and rewriting are a constant search for what one is saying. "Good evening. young man," she said, and John... on UPDIKE (MISSING SECTION FIVEDialogue and action. What did John do? Why did he enter the house in the first place? What was his purpose? Do they speak? What surprises occur? Something did happen to cause John to For this particular writing-to-music exercise, I react the $vay he did .. .) use Igor Stravinsky'sLe Sacre du Printemps (The Rite of Spring). He stumbled down the walkway to his car. He veered out onto the main road, racing toward the city nearly THE MYSTERIOUS JOURNEY two hours away. He thought ahead to the... John inched the car along the gravelly road through (MISSINGSECTION SIXConclusive action. What the fog in search of a place where he could stop and rest was he thinking ahead to? Why was he making the drive and resume his lengthy drive up the coast in the morn- in the first place? Is there someone or something awaiting. Drowsy-eyed, he continued to direct the car toward ing him? Finally, what happens to John on that foggy the ever-growing light which, seconds before, had pierced road, racing toward the city? Something did happen, through the fog like a star in the dark wilderness. When be,ause.. .) John reached the crest of the hill, the light that was beckoning him forward now mingled with his headlights ... They had not been expecting him to arrive and illuminated a house which seemingly drifted in the anyway. fog, not 50 feet from where John now got out of the car. Step 3.When you are finished reading, distribute As he approached the house, John noticed... to each student the framework and prompt ques- (MISSING SECTIONONE Describe the house and tion sheet, with his or her specific section marked surrounding area. What did John notice? How much of for completion. Then reread the entire piece, with the house could John see through the fog? What was the can student brainstorming when his or her par- surrounding area like? Wer: there trees, swamps, ani- ticular section arrives. mals, shadows, noises... ? What details of the house did John notice as he walked up the path?) Step 4. Divide students into groups, with at least two groups for each missing section (three maxi- The old wood creaked with each footstep as John ascended the steps toward the guiding porch light. The mum), such as groups 1 A, 1B, 2A, 2B, and so wind had picked up, blowing the fog silently across the forth. The task of the group is to combine the moonlight which shone down on the house. As he ideas of the individual members into a unified reached out to knock on the door, he became aware of piece of between one-half and one page in length, his heart pounding, just is it had that late October night which connects the frame for the story smoothly when ... and appropriately. (MISSING SECTION TWOFlashback.What hap- Step 5.A group leader, spokesperson, secretary, pened that October night when John's heart was pound- or volunteer is identified and given the task of ing? Was it at Halloween or some other time? What reading the group selection from his or her desk thoughts of this past event raced through his ndnd as he knocked on the door?) or at the front of the class (with teacher and five other orators, it is less threatening). The music is The second knock was answered by a feeble, "Come replayed, and the teacher resumes narration; then in." John slowly opened the door and moved toward a the students supply the missing piecesfirst the weaker light flickering from a room through the door- "A" groups, then the "B" groups. way to the left. John carefully crept over to the doorway and looked in, seeing... The most effective means of teaching sequencing (MISSING SECTIONTHREEDescribe the roo.n. for me is to type up all of the missing sections submit- Picture this room. What details could John make out? ted by the groups and then to distribute copies to the What type of furniture was there? What type of floor class. We then go through the framework, section by covering? What was on the walls?... the ceiling? Did :taion, and determine which entry works best and his mind exaggerate any details?) why. Obviously, the choices for sections one and two

1-1" .r"6 95 will affect the later selections. The creation of conti- Pumpkin" with my 25 children. I asked the classwhat nuity is one of the purposes of the exercise. we needed to do first and, after much discussion, More often than not, frustrated we or inspired students decided we needed a pumpkin. Sincemost of my class relish the opportunity to writea missing section consists of nonreaders, we used symbolsto represent (sometimes all sections) on their own and to develop a the words and later added the words. Followingtheir true cohesiveness in the piece. I offer this opportunity directions, I put the sequence given belowon the as extra credit. chalkboard: After completing another similar assignatent,includ- I. Get a ing a framework, prompt-type questions,and music, the students are soon able toconstruct their own stories without a framework. They need onlybe provided 2. Gct a to draw with with evocative music anda hypothetical situation to start; for example, La titer by Claude Debussyor 3. Draw DD music by a popular musicalgroup and the hypothetical situation of a surfer at the beachat dawn. 4. Draw a Finally, as a project, studentsare invited to choose their own music and submitan accompanying sce- 5. Draw a nario of setting and action that correspondsto the variations in the music. 6. Get a

7. Cut out a How to Carve a Pumpkin A Writing Exercise in the 8. Take out the Q ©0%5 Practical/Informative Domain 9. Cut out the on By Michael Carr Teacher, Los Alamitos Elementary School, 10. Cut out a Los Alamitos Unified School District; and Teacher/Consultant, UCI WritingProject 11. Cut out a

Holidays can serve as a springboardto a wealth of 12. Put on the activities in all of the domains of writing.In my classroom (kindergarten and grade one), Halloweenpro- 13. Cook the 0):=1) 4Z!) vides a great opportunity to introducepractical /informative writing in which the objectiveis to present 14. Happy Halloween! information clearly, systematically,and sequentially. Then, to verify the accurateness of For this lesson, I brought our sequence, I to class two pumpkins demonstrated each stepon our class pumpkin. and a knife and proceeded to discuss "How to Carve a After printing the processon the chalkboard and carving a model Halloween pumpkin,I transferred the data to packets of 14pages of ditto mastersone for each stepleavingroom for the children to draw pictures to illustrate the directions.When all the children had completed their booklets,they were able to follow their on directions andcarve a pumpkin at home. The main objective forme in this writing exercise was to give the children a problem-solving activity that involved group discussion,sequencing, clarity, and fun! In addition, they learned thewords that cor- responded to their pumpkin-carving .0* symbols. e.. 440W, 'Recipe for parents: 1. Wash hnd salt seeds. 112:4r. it %lay 2. Cook for an hour to an hour and a half at 2506 F. t OC,s` " 1.1 it 3. Turn seeds over (at halfway point). Baseball Cards" can, on the other hand, be researched well if prior contacts are made with stores and organi- How to Do zations. Giving a two-week notice can also provide "How To" students with time to locate other people who practice the hobby and who can serve as valuable research By Greta Nagel aides. Teacher, Rio Vista Elementary School, 3. We always provide at least one piece of research mate- Placentia Unified School District; rial for each student. He or she must obtain twoor and Teacher/Consultant, UCI Writing Project more additional resources. The public libraries (children's sections) have been very accommodating in Students in our classes ride acrosscampus on lending groups of books on special teacher loans, mainly because the choices are so varied and the horses, set up model trains that whiz around the c1is- room, encourage dogs to do tricks, and cast trout flies supply of any one type of book will not be exhausted. across the basketball court. They cook and serve 4. Plan to model activities for your students; show fancy hors d'oeuvres, set up mock theaters androller clearly the expectations that you have for their work. coaster rides, and toss bowling balls across the carpet. Terry Kristiansen and I share the hobby of cross- country skiing. We both brought in our outfits and They do these and many more thingsas part cf the "How To" project. equipment, and we demonstrated how we would write and do the various activities related to our hobby. We "How To" is a unit of research and practical/ in- also designed postersrelated to x-c skiing) that formative written/ oral work that is basedon the stu- helped remind ;tudents of the basic sections of the dents' hobbies. Each student does work that is related report. We use's these posters to decorate the class- to his or her favorite hobby during eight to ten weeks room walls durine the duration of "How To" work of language class time. The project has fourphases: 5. Do not forget to a, k students whether or notyou may (1) the basic written report; (2) the oralreport and save drafts of their work, samples of both the good hobby fair; (3) extra written activities; and (4) follow- and the average. They serve as excellent models for up activities. future classes. My colleague T"-rry Kristiansen and I designedthe 6. Another tip is to set up a workable management sys- "How To" activities in 1973 for students in grades tem for handling the large volume of rough and final four through eight. That year, the projectwon the drafts that will come your way. Evaluate as you go "Promising Practices Award" thatwas offered by our along; do not wait until the end of the project. The school district, the Placentia Unified School District. threat of misplacing papers led me to set up a system Over the years, students have workedon "How To" in of mailing envelopes. One envelope per activity is our classes and in classes of other district teachers labeled and has a class list grid stapled to the front. who like the idea. Former students returnyears later Papers are checked in, and scores are recorded on the and talk about the hard work and the fun that they fronts of the envelopes, not in a separate grade book. had. High school teachers have mentioned that they At the end of the unit, I glue two sheets together, matching class list entries, and I have a completeper- are able to adapt "How To" ideas to their students' manent record. needs. It has been, indeed, a promising practice. 7. A final tip: Keep a camera handy. The nature of this Tips on the "How To" Project project makes it highly motivating; it is tiedto students' senses of relevancy. They are proud to share In order for the activities of the lengthy projectto their expertise in subjects us;-y not touched by the be effective, we believe these tips should help: school's curriculum, and they are interested inone 1. Work on the unit duringa time when students have another's hobb;ls. They also enjoy bringing in their already had some introduction to res-.trch tasksand equipment and products for their oral reports and for to various types of writing. Otherwise, plan to doa the hobby fair. Snapshots and slides enhance those great amount of intermittent modeling and practiceas special momentsthe boy with his king snake wrapped you proceed through the activities. around his neck, the girl rollerskating backward across the classroom linoleum, the boy on his dirt bike 2. At least two weeks prior to starting the unit,announce by the chalkboard. Admittedly, excitement about the that each student needs to choose a hobby. (Note: We "fun" times helps students to plow through thegreat have always allowed students to think of sports as a amount of writing. A spoonful of sugar.... hobby.) Not only does this allow studentsto form a mind-set, but it also nermitsyou to check on the appropriateness of the topic and the availability of the The Written Report materials. A topic like "How to Collect Smurfs" is The first phase of the project, the written report, difficult to research and haul to demonstrate.It is requires skills in research, notetaking, outlining, and probably best left alone. A topic like "How to Collect the writing of rough and final drafts. Thereare six

97 segments in the written report. For fifth and sixth (2) how to; (3) audiovisuals; (4)eye contact; (5) loud- graders, the usual lengths produced have been: ness; and (6) appropriate time. Each speaker is I. Historyone or two handwrittenpages: a narrative. expected to start with a "catchy" opening.Some 2. Stepsfive to ten pages: Lists and drawings form just examples are: a part of a narrative piece that explains in great detail "I have a real catchy hobby." (fishing) how to learn and do the hobby. "This hobby will keep you in stitches." (sewing) "My hobby is a real hit." (baseball) Mini-demonstrations are also required. Studentsshow how to hinge stamps for album placement,to tie flies, and to do knots formacrame pieces. They also show how to do ski turns, to fix a bicycle chain, andto sink a difficult putt. When the class finishes giving oralreports, we hold a hobby fair and invite parents and other studentsto come. All class members set up booths where they display equipment and give minitalksto passersby during "milling" time. Several chosenspeakers give their full oral reports at designated times.(Peer selec- 3. Famous personone or twopages: a narrative about tion of honored speakersseems to work well.) If the a person or animal that is related to the hobby. Some room is large, several speakers may talk atonce to students have written about persons withan obvious their own audiences clusterednear them. It is possible tie-in to their hobby: Charles Schulz, Jesse Owens, for two, or even three, shifts of speakersto talk, with Ringo Starr, and Margaret Bourke-White (photog- their report times alternated with milling raphy). Others have used persons withan indirect time for fair relationship: Benjamin Franklin (philatelist), Teddy visitors. All students display their writtenreports. Roosevelt (stuffed animals), and Elizabeth Taylor Extra Written Activities (horses). Research strategies have sometimesincluded writing to famous people. The extra activities are all creative innature. Stu- dents enjoy these tasks and 4. Powers and pitfallsoneor two pages: a narrative or come up with delightful a sentence chart that notes the good aspects and results. They write new words to oldtunes ("Art of rewards of the hobby as opposed to the thingsthat My Heart"). Using magazine advertisements,they can go wrong, the dangers, and the costs. In thisseg- practice the ploys of advertisingcopy and format ment the student writer explains how to avoidor ("Strong, adventuresome people collect stamps."). overcome the pitfalls. With graphs and lists, students present and analyze 5. Interesting experienceoneor two pages: a personal the results of popularity surveys and questionnaires account of an experience with the hobby, suchas "The ("From these five choices,more people selected rol- First Time I Rode Colossus," "My FirstTornado," lerskating."). Complete withcostumes and props, stu- "The Day I Won the Third Grade Art Contest,"or "A dents entice new hobbyists from their "televisionstu- Bad Luck Day Trading Baseball Cards." dio" ("You'll just love learningto cook!"). With 6. Interviewtwo to five (or more)pages following a poems, often humorous, they proclaim positive and narrative, then question and answer format (a la "Q& negative aspects of hobbies ("Breathing,panting, A" in the Los Angeles Times's magazine, Home): gasping along"). Using home movies, thestudents Students seek face-to-face contacts with neighbors, show the details of "How To" ("Here'smy dad guard- shop owners, or local instructors. Telephonecontacts ing our basketball net."). Throughan original piano are allowed when it is not possible for the students to solo, a student musician expresses the joy of playing meet a "local authority." Students oftenuse tape the piano. recorders but are nevertheless expected to do written versions. Follow-up Activities as Final Phase Oral Report and Hobby Fair Once the students' notebooksare compiled, one last phase of the project is possible. The follow-up Once the written reports activi- are completed, oral reports ties are evaluative and analytical tasks thatrequire the are scheduled and students are allowed 15-minute students to take a close look at the practical/ time slots in which to tell about and demonstrate informa- their tive "How To" experience. As theylook back, stu- hobbies. We have their fellow students complete eval- dents are pleased to have polished theirskills in uation score cards at the end of eachreport, noting oral/ written expressionas they polished their skills points for each of the segments: (1) catchyopening; with their hobbies.

98 Teaching for you. Empty out contents, if any. Then wash the smell out. Lift or cut the lid off the barrel. Then cut air holes Practical/Informative on top of the barrelabout seven holes an inch wide. Writing Through Novels Now, get inside the barrel. Have someone help you get packed with straw or anything soft. Brace yourself. You might get bumped a little. Put the lid back on. Someone By Elizabeth Williams Reeves will push you off into a river or stream. Don't panic. Teacher, Pine Middle School, Stay calm. Don't rock too much, and keep your air holes Los Alamitos Unified School District; up. Last, but not least, wait for someone to get you out. and Teacher/Consultant, UCI Writing Project This barrel riding exercise not only reinforces the sequencing skills necessary for "how to" writing but Novels for adolescents provide excellent vehicles also enhances critical thinking ability. In order to for teaching writing in a variety of domains. Charac write precise barrel riding instructions, the students terizations and settings lend themselves to sensory/ must read and evaluate the text carefully, determine descriptive writing; story plot and embellishments and which details are essential, organize those details or adaptations of a plot are appropriate for imaginative/ steps, and compose an account that incorporates what narrative writing; analyses of characters and authors' they know of barrel riding with what they surmise a style and content are suitable for analytical/ exposi- rider would need to know. In addition, because they tory writing. Because it is often viewed as a somewhat are writing for a person who is about to embark on a mundane, uncreative domain, practical/ informative barrel ride, their sense of audience is strengthened. writing is frequently ignored. But the content of a novel often provides motivational material for practical /informative writing. Novelsr adoleken4pro- One practical/ informative lesson that I have par- vide excellent ticularly enjoyed is based on a portion of The Hobbit that describes a barrel ride. In it, Bilbo, the hobbit, ofdoni and his dwarf friends ride down a river in barrels in an ELIZABETH. attempt to escape from the Wood-elves: ... first one barrel and then another rumbled to the dark opening and was pushed over into the cold water some feet below. Some were barrels really empty, some were tubs neatly packed with a dwarf each; but down they all went, one after another, with many a clash and a bump, thudding on top of ones below, smacking into the The Bumper Sticker Approach water, jostling against the walls of the tunnel, knocking into one another, and bobbing away down the current.' to the Topic Sentence After students have read the complete section of for Opinion Writing The Hobbit in which this account appears, I ask them By Trudy J. Beck to write practical/informative instructions to a novice on how to go barrel riding. During prewriting, discus- English Teacher, El Toro High School, Saddleback Valley Unified School District; sion questions should focus on the sequence of steps and Teacher/Consultant, UCI Writing Project needed to ride in a barrel. For example, I ask the students to consider what would be the first thing to In one of those do-or-die attempts to introduce the tell a person who is about to go barrel ridingthen topic sentence and to retain my own sense of humor in the second, the third, and so forth. I stress that their the process, I decided to try using bumper stickers as a instructions must be clear and well-organizedso that point of departure for the topic sentence in an opinion the reader can follow them easily. paragraph. I almost discarded the notion Jecause of Practical/informative writing developed through the potential for obscenity, but the advantages seemed the use of novels can be most inventive. An example to outweigh the possible problem, so I gave it a trial of a fifth grader's description of the barrel ride run. Of course, I had to revise and reorganize my plan follows: after that first try, but it was worth the risk. The If you are going to ride a barrel down a river, you bumper sticker approach to the topic sentence for must take certain steps. First, find a barrel big enough opinion writing works. I use several variations of this lesson. The two I 'From The Hobbit (p. 177) by J. R. R. Tolkien. Copyright 0 1966 by offer here are the foundation lessons, and their J R R Tolkien Reprinted by permission of Houghton Mifflin Company. sequencing is important. Phase I does not involve any

99 actual writing of sayings,just responding to the entendre, malapropisms, andspoonerisms. I emi tasize samples. In Phase II studentswrite their own bumper stickers. the necessity of gettingtone, audience, purpose, attitude, and topic into First of all, 1 have students a brief, on-target statement that is bring to class examples not mechanical. of bumper stickersor slogans and aphorisms. These Once the students begin writingtheir own bumper must meet my rules for what isor is not acceptable. stickers, I encourage them Anything obscene to share the sayings with or even cutely obscene is prohibited, their neighbors. When thestatements are smooth and each saying must offeran opinion in sentence enough, the students then write form or a form easily converted accompanying para- to a sentence. I begin graphs of support. Studentpartners identify the un- the lesson by walkingaround the classroom and reading some of the bumper answered questions that theybelieve need to be stickers aloud. This givesme a addrc,-(1, and the paragraphs chance to select examples of are rewritten. We then some of the ingredients I evalual, the finished productsvia a holistic read- want to discuss. I pointout the following: tone, around. (See the section of this audience, ambiguity,purpose, attitude, audience book entitled "Read- Around Groups for Sharing/Responding" fora dis- response, direction, theme, point of view,and the dif- cussion of this technique.)The best examples ferent types of developmentto which the various topics are placed on the wall of theclassroom. Because I havea and statements lend themselves. window that faces the hall, Using their own samples, students thentry to antic- each day one bumper ipate the questions that their sayings sticker and its supportingparagraph are displayed in might evoke the window for the students from an audience. The "No nukes isgood nukes" to read as they pass by. sticker might elicit these questions: My greatest satisfaction inusing the bumper sticker approach comes from the fact What does nukes mean? that this method gives focus and direction to topicsentences and, in turn, to Why the play on words withnukes and news? the paragraphs that Why shouldn't we have nuclearweapons? accompany them. Besides, it is Why shouldn't we use nuclear fun. This lesson is notintimidating, yet itcan be used energy? to span a wide range of abilities, What would nuclear disastermean to me? interests, and motivational levels. It keeps thestudents' interest high and After the students havecomposed their questions, I promotes good student interaction. collect the bumper stickers, It is clear, to the and I make certain that point, and easy to model--butchallenging. This isa the owner's name ison the back of eacl. sticker. (Use nice way to provide the index cards if stickers opportunity for the student are not available.) I then who is so inclined to "test thewater" in writing humor redistribute the stickersto other students and ask without making humor them to write a major focal point of the assign- one paragraph in support of the posi- ment. Finally, I have witnessedan increased retention tion indicated by thenew saying. Writing may be of the skills in writing topic either serious or humorous. sentences and a change in I usually time the writing the quality of topicsentences because, by itsvery and allow 15--20 minutesfor the exercise. nature, the bumper sticker approach At this point, I divide the limits the excess class into groups of four verbiage that often accompaniesunskilled opinion and ask them tocompare each of their paragraphs in writing. support of a particular slogan withthe questions developed by the student whobrought in that sticker. Asa group, they decide whether thequestions have been adequately answered, whetherthose not covered need to be covered, and whetherthe paragraphsare still effective in spite of havingneglected to answer thequestions written by the originalcontributor. (This does happen occasionally. But it isall right, and it might just signal a different problemthat may need youratten- tion.) The authors recordcomments and suggestions about their paragraphs,make suitable corrections, and rewrite. In Phase II the bumper stickerscan be used to reinforce the writing of concisetopic sentences. Thestu- dents select a controversyor other suitable topic for creating their own sayings.I recommend prewriting activities here, specificallymodeling andgroup writing first. We discusspuns, deliberate ambiguity, the double

100 l',2 Welcome 3. Agree on a symbol for each of the features on your group's list; for example, mountains ."'"\\, to the New lakes ------, beaches.../C/t, and so forth. Each World! person is responsible for filling in his or her section with the features that are appealing. 4. Be sure you also include a scale of miles, direc- By Laurie Opfe 11 tions, symbols for roads, cities (if there are any), Former English Teacher, Irvine High School; Teaching rivers, and so forth. Assistant, English Department, University of Kentucky; 5. Decide how all major services (mechanics, food and Teacher/Consultant, UCI Writing Project supply, health care, and so forth) will be handled, and set up a location for them. I have had remarkable success in my eighth grade Now, go back over what you have noted and write it English class with my "Welcome to the New World" into a well - organizes, descriptive one to one andone- assignment, which is outlined below. This project taps half page piece. Share it with at least two people inyour each of the four domains of writing, reinforces peer group, and get some suggestions for revision before you group interaction, and integrates writing, speaking, write your final draft. and drawing activities. It also enables me to introduce relevant works of literature, such as Jonathan Swift's Gulliver's Travels, William Golding's Lord of the Have something. to say,s0d.say,i(as Flies, and so forth The enthusiasm generated by the cleofly: as you fite:only-seeret assignment has been extremely high, and the level of .Of sip' le. cooperation in the classroom has improved greatly. I MATTIIEW;f FiNOL give my students the following instructions for the lesson: Assignment 2 Welcome to the New World. In the next few weeks A. You now need to decide on the values that will be the you will be involved in creating your own utopia or controlling ideals of your island's government. Make "imaginary or ideal world." You will be graded on the a list: completeness of two individual assignments, all group 1. Helpfulness? assignments, and the quality of your work. However, the 2. Equal power? most important aspect of the grade will be how you 3. Freedom? combine imagination, creativity, and innovation with 4. the basic requirements. The objective of the project is for 5. you to clarify and use your values, wishes, ideals, knowl- 6. edge, and talents to create a personal and group state- 7. ment about what you want and hope for in life. The assignments described below are for eactl person B. Now, share your list with your group members. As in the group to do. They will be assigned ove. many you read it to them, explain why you think each item days: is important. Make a group list of everything you all Assignment 1 agree on. A. Although you are extremely wealthy, you and your Assignment 3 friends are tired of the rat race and decide to get Since you have unlimited money, you need to start away. You decide to buy an island, but before seeing thinking about the home you will build. Take about 15 the real estate agent you each: minutes to brainstorm, and then start writing about your 1. Write down a preferred location. ideal home. What would it look like? How many rooms? 2. List four to six things you want your island to What type of furniture? Colors? Building materials? include; for example, beaches, mountains, and so View? Landscaping? forth. Now, go back over what you have sketched and write B. Now, compare your lists and decide on a group loca- it into a well-organized, descriptive one to one andone- tion and alist that includes everyone's desired half page piece. Share it with at least two people in your features. group, and get some suggestions for revision before you C. You are now ready to see your agent. She has just the write your final draft. place and shows you some slides. The next assignments are individual. You must select 1. Sketch out a few practice shapes for a map of any two of the options listed below, all of which involve your island, decide on one (or a combination), some critical thinking and creative writing: and draw the outline on a large sheet of paper. I. Constitution. Write up your group's values or rules 2. Now divide your island into equal portions so of living into some sort of document. (Look at the each group member has a section. U.S. Bill of Rights for an example.) Make it beauti-

101 ful, official looking, andone to one and one-half 10. Production pages long. Include a statement of your philosophy. manag,-r. On the final day of the project, you will present your island to therest of the class. 2. Architecture. What types ofdesign are likely to be There will be onlyone chance to do this, so only seen on your island? Do they stand out? Blendin responsible persons need apply.You will need: with the environment? Are they energy self-sufficient? a. A specific knowledge of all importantaspects of Beautiful? Modern? Old fashioned?Draw four or the island five different buildings, and writea paragraph b. Good speaking ability explaining each structure's best features. c. Slides or visuals to use for illustrations d. Two or three music selectionsto play as background music 11TpWthefirStmeiltWhickatfractsin the Write a five to ten minutepresentation that coordi- pages of a good writer isthe apt Aoice nates all of the above. Consult the clothesdesigner and wear a suggested outfit. . and.contrastOfthei440eqfployed: You will be graded on your organization and how wellyou capture our .itoBERnows*fiitysoir interest. 11. Editor. The group gradedepends on you because 3. Clothing. How do people dress you will compile all of the individual articlesinto a on your island? guide to your island. Proofread Design four or five possible outfits thatadapt to the the articles for environment. Make them as errors in correctness. Everyone should hand hisor crazy, practical, or her rough draft in to comfortable as you want. Drawa picture of each you. Underline spelling, punc- one and write a paragraph explaining it. tuation, and grammaticalerrors. Pay special attention to sentence structure. If 4. Foods. What are the island's you have any doubts staples? Interview all about fragments orrun-on sentences, consult with persons and get a list of their ten favorite foods. me or a parent. Return the edited drafts Design a restaurant menu that features to their everybody's authors for correction. Final draftsmust be written favorite foods. Describe the foods andillustrate the neatly in ink or typed andmust be done on your menu with magazine pictures. (You might wantto own time. As the editor, you are in charge of think up some original specialties.) collecting the articles, compilingall of the them in a folder, 5. Recreation. What are the major formsof recreation? and preparing a table of contents. Interview all persons and find out what they want Congratulations on the creation ofyour own per- included. Then designa park that includes each sonal utopia. item. Try to come up with at leastthree original sports or ideas that can be enjoyedonly on your island. Illustrate and explain thenew sports, and draw a picture of the parkon a separate sheet of construction paper. Exploring 6. Flora. Your island is thehome of many different the New Domains plants, but in addition to the usualvarieties, you with an Extraterrestrial have several exotic types oftrees and flowers. Illus- trate and describe three of them, andalso include your island's environmental protection policy. By Todd Huck Teacher, Thurston Middle School, 7. Fauna. Your island includessome well-known animals as well as a few that have yet to be discovered. Laguna Beach Unified School District; Des- and Codirector, UCI Writing Project cribe four or five of theserare species and write a paragraph explaining eachone. For several yearsnow students in my classes have 8. Travel agent, Yoliare in charge of designing a bro- been sharpening their sensory;descriptive skills by chure that advertisesyour island. Include a small creating vivid, precise word pictLOSof outer space map that mentions importa., or beautifulplaces, creatures. As part of the assignment, theyhave shared and add photographs from magazinesaccompanied their otherworldly visions with theirclassmates, who by flowing descriptions. Makeit the fold- have provided feedback, both in wordsand in pictures, out kind. Neatness and layout are very important. as to the clarity and precision of their depictions.The 9. Culture director. What do thepeople on your island writers, in turn, have used the feedbackto tighten and do to improve their lives? Interviewthe members of clarify their written descriptions. Ithas proved to be your group to discover their educational andartistic one of those no-lose assignments. The students enjoy pursuits. Desig and illustratea cultural center and both the writing and the artworkinvolved. (Never once make a program of activities; forexample, theater, has a student said to me, "I'msorry. I just can't write movies, music, mime,computers, science, and so forth. about a space creature.') I have beenhappy not only because the students have respondedwell to the

102 assignment butalso becauseithas addressed an important writing issue on my instructional agenda: the need for students to revise their papers for greater specificity and clarity. Nonetheless, after a summer stintat the University of California Irvine (UCI) Writing Project, I realized the assignment had other possibilities: The creation of an extraterrestrial led very naturally to writing in domains other than the sensory/ descriptive, and its value as a subject for writing could be extended and enriched. The Original Assignment Here is a brief overview of the original sensory/ descriptive assignment. Then I will suggest how it might lead to writing in the other domains. Designing Your Own Extraterrestrial Prewriting there with friends or family, but at this moment you have 1. Students define extraterrestrial. Can they think of decided to be alone; and you have gone for a walk away other words that have the same root? Of other names from the group. As you walk, you realize that it has been for extraterrestrials? some time since you have been able to hear the distant voices of your friends and family. You pause for a 2. Cluster on the chalkboard the names of all the outer moment to enjoy the still beauty of the night. Suddenly, space creatures students can think of from films, you hear a sound. What is it? What does it sound like? books, and television. You walk around a huge rock, and there you see it 3. Ask students to invent categories for some of the an extraterrestrial. You are surprisingly calm and creatures clustered on the chalkboard. For example, unafraid. The creature seems interested in you, and it they might say that some of them are robots, some is likewise calm and friendly. You have at least a full look like humans, or that some are good while others minute to study the creature. are evil. What does it look like? 4. Give them these categories suggested by a professor What kind of an extraterrestrial is it? who has taken hundreds of phone calls from people What is its size? Shape? Weight? Coloration? who think they have seen outer space creatures: What type of body covering does it have? Does its body have a variety of textures? Human (indistinguishable from humans) What kind of limbs or appendages does it have? Humanoid (having body parts analogous to humans) How many? Animalistic How does it move? By what means does it move? Robotic Can it take in food? How? Exotic (having bizarre anatomical feat,:::s) Does it make a noise? What kind of noise? How Apparitional (ghostlike) does it make this noise? See how many of the creatures in the group cluster Does it have any particular smell? they can fit into one of these categories. Does it have a head? 5. Cluster on the chalkboard the features of one well- Does it have eyes? known extraterrestrial, such as E.T. Press them for A smelling apparatus (a nose)? Auditory adaptions (ears)? precise details on size, shapes, colors, textures, and Does it have any extrasensory capabilities? proportions. (For suggestions on clustering, see the "Prewriting" section of this book.) After you have had a good look at it, it turns away and vanishes into the night! You realize that since you 6. Have the class members create a creature on the are the only one who has seen this creature, you are the chalkboard. As they call out the creature's features, only one who can describe it. you draw them on the chalkboard. Make students be 9. Cluster the features of your creature. specific in their oral language as to the size, shape, number, and proportion of features they suggest. Prompt. Describe the extraterrestrial you encountered in 7. Having discussed and described a variety of extra- as much specific, vivid detail as possit,1e. 'lour description terrestrials, tell students that they are now going to should be so clear and detailed that a classmate can draw visualize an alien that no one has ever seen before. a reasonably accurate picture of your creature just from 8. Take them through the following guided imagery: reading your description. GUIDED IMAGERY. Writing and Drawing. Students use their clusters to write Close your eyes. Imagine that it is a cool, clear night. descriptions of their creatures. When they have finished, The stars burn brightly in the sky, and you are in a quiet, each should draw a picture of the imagined creature. If beautiful setting.It might be at thebeach, in the they add features to the drawing that are not in the mountains, or in the desert. Picture that setting. You are written sketch, they must also add them to the writing.

i 1 "0 103 Sharing itself. Write a sensory descriptionof yourself (the ter- 1. After putting their drawingsaway, students exchange restrial) as the extraterrestrial their written descriptions with sees you. Remember, an peer partners. extraterrestrial may perceive thingsabout you that you 2. Peer partners read the descriptionsthey have received. do not see (or smell, hear,taste, or touch). 3. Each peer partner then writeson a blank piece of paper a positive comment aboutsome feature of the Imaginative' Narrative.The opportunities for storytelling piece she or he has just read. about this creatureare endless. Here are just a fewsug- gestions: 4. On the other side of the blankpiece of paper, each peer partner will make a drawing of thecreature she Have the creature tell thestory of what life is like or he has read about, basing it as closelyas possible on its own planet. on the written description. Write a monologue from the pointof view of the 5. Peer partners return to thewriters the original pieces extraterrestrial in whichyou tell why the creature of writing accompanied by theircomments and their came to earth. You might also tell of thejourney drawings. itself and relate at leasttwo specific incidents that 6. Writers take out their sketchesand compare them and happened along theway. Likewise, you might have their writings with the sketchesfrom their peer part- the creature explain when and whyit intends to leave ners. the earth, where it is goingnext, and what it expects to encounter. 7. The writers determine wheretheir partner's sketch differs from theirs or doesnot portray the creature Write a diary of the creature'sstay here on earth. as they saw it. They go back to theirtext and Tell the story of howyou helped the extraterrestrial determine where and how to maketheir text clearer get out of a difficult situation hereon earth, or of and more specific. how the extraterrestrial helpedyou. Practical' Informative.Analyze three of your creature's basic needs (food, rest,an occasional back rub to keep To use language,as language, is to be its heart beating, andso forth). Design a step-by-step human; to use it withkindness,grace, and informative guide in list form for thecare and feeding dignity is to be humane. of your extraterrestrial. Presentthe steps in logical, ALBERT UPTON sequential order; and describe allthe special equipment and material needed for theproper care of your creature. Write a letter to your motheror father in which you Revising.Revision takes place based try to persuade your parent to letyou keep the extra- on the pictorial and terrestrial. written feedback the writer hasreceived and analyzed. Writers make the additions, deletions, substitutions, and Analytical' Expository.From the point of view of the rearrangements necessary to ensure that theirpieces are more specific, vivid, and precise. extraterrestrial, write a report to thecreatures on your planet in which you analyze and draw Editing. conclusions about Students will edit theirpapers for the conven- some feature you have observed hereon earth (cars, tions of English which the teachervalues and has taught telephones, human clothing, andso forth). Your report for this assignment. can follow simple expository form: introduction,body, and conclusion. Evaluating.In part your evaluation of the pieceshould be based on the number of clear, vividdetails the writer In expository form writea "scientific" paper which has provided. Youmay also wish to consider other analyzes and draws conclusions aboutthe functions of elements that you may have taught,such as the creation three anatomical or behavioralfeatures of your extraterrestrial. of details that appeal to othersenses, logical organization, and the use of the conventionsof standard English. Again, in a scientificpaper, speculate about how .ome of your creature's physical featureswere geared or Postwriting.Student writings and drawings makegreat adapted to the environment cl.,sroom displays. on the creature's home planet. What characteristics of theenvironment helped Springboard for Other Writing shape the features yousee in your creature? Exploring the domains with Once students have completed thesensory descrip- an extraterrestrial can tion of the extraterrestrial, this be a profitable, entertaining,and broadening experi- assignment may prof- ence for students. Generating extended itably serve as a springboardfor other types of writing. writing Here are some suggestions for assignments focused ona central topic, the extrater- prompts that enrich the restrial, will allow students extraterrestrial experience andextend it into outer to concentrate on how domains: various domains of writing differin form, construction, and organization. Oncethese skills are practiced Sensory/Descriptive. Describe theexperience with the and internalized, students should extraterrestrial from the point of view be able to develop of the creature and elaborate on ideas relatedto any central subject.

104 1 1 6 'I 1

Using Fictional Techniques for Nonfiction Writing By Ruby Bernstein English Teacher, Northgate High School, Mt. Diablo Unified School District; and Teacher/Consultant, Bay Area Writing Project By using saturation reporting, you can encourage teachers at the University of California, Berkeley, students to write about real events, people, places, and taught by Jim Gray, Director of the Bay Area Writing new experiences that they can observe firsthand. Project. I had been making daily trips to a weight-loss When you employ this technique, you ask your stu- clinic, one of those advertised in the daily newspaper. dents to make all the sophisticated choices profes- The 30-day experience lent itself to saturation report- sional writers make: which points of view touse; ing, especially since I had reservations about the which details and dialogue to include; which research, weight-reduction method, and my intent was to bea if any, to pursue; and, finally, how to structure the modern-day muckraker. nonfiction experience. My purposes for writing, my underlying theses, Tom Wolfe, contemporary essayist, coined the term were: (1) to show that taking shots for weight loss was "new journalism" (saturation reporting) when he dis- harmful to one's health; (2) to affirm that this particu- cover xl in the 1960s that newspaper and magazine lar clinic was directed by professionals with question- nonfiction journalists had borrowed fiction writers' able credentials; and (3) to point out to my readers techniques for preparing their feature stories. Today, that the public generally wants quick solutions to examples of new journalism can be collected from the daily press, The New Yorker, Sunday magazinesec- tions of major newspapers, and monthly magazines. Giving students opportunities to practice observing, interviewing, separating fact from opinion, and using the library will result in better saturation reporting when the major assignment is made. These prewriting activities are particularly helpful in sharpening the students' focus in their writing. It is also helpful to have them brainstorm and ask lots of questions before they leave the classroom to carry out their prewriting activities, and it is equally helpful to have them share their experiences and pieces of their reports after they have made their observations or conducted their interviews. My own experience with saturation reportingoccur- red several years ago at a summer writing class for

1 7 105 problems, such a' obesity,which may have taken years to develop. Provided below isa list of the features ofa saturation report that I sharewith my students beforethey After I had brainstormedmy ideas for the paper select a topic: with my six-member writinggroup, my paper's scenario took the shape shown inFigure 23. The scenes surroundingmy experiences with the SATURATION REPORTING weight-loss clinic, whichwere described separately, FeaturesA "sat nation"report involves: were put in final order, as indicated by 1. Writing about the letters some place, some group, orsome indi- AG in Figure 23. Hopefully,the total effect of this vidual that you know wellor can get to know well collage of scenes achievedmy purposes. firsthand. You "saturate" yourselfwith your subject. After this experience with saturation reporting, I 2. Writing a nonfictionarticle using fictional tech- enthusiastically brought theassignment to my class. niques. There will bescenes, characters and charac- In my junior/senior compositionelective course, terizations, dialogue, ?Yida subtle, rather than overt, which is one semester!:ng, the saturationreport statement. became the major assignment,culminating the first 3. The appeal of informationand facts. You are writing quarter's work. Among thetopics my students chose nonfiction, and the reader willwant to "know" about to saturate themselves withwere: revisiting junior your subject; in short, be sensitiveto this thirst for high school, fast-food jobs,the senior prom ritual, facts on the part of your reader. department store dressingroom gossip, cruising the 4. Author identification.Your point of viewcan be Main, the school orchestra'sbus trip to Modesto, rid- quite flexible. Youcan be an active participant in the ing on Bay Area Rapid action; you can remove yourself;or you can come in Transit, bartending ata pub- and then move out. lisher's cocktail party, thelocal hangout after a football game, the final week 5. Microcosm. Youare focusing on some particular sub- of rehearsals for acom- ject, but in so doing munity play. The possibilitiesfor writing were limited you are saying somethingmore. only by time and sometimes As you capture an isolatedsegment of today's world, transportation. you say something about the total world.

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Fig. 23 Brainstorming ofObservations for SaturationReporting

106 6. Implication. Much of what you attempt to "say" in your article (because of your usc, of fictional techniques) will be said through implicationthrough dialogue and through your manipulation of details. 7. Reporting. You will observe your subject with a keen eye. You will note interesting "overheard" conversations. You might want to interviewsomeone. 8. Form. You might write your article in pieces conversations, descriptions, interviews, factsand then piece it together, finding the be._ form for your subject (time sequence and so forth). A "patchwork" working sections together with no transitioncan be quite acceptable. 9. Choice of subject. You can pick some subject from the present or recreate some subject from your past. Saturation ReportTriple Credit Paper This paper will bring together some of the techniques you have practiced this quarter: use of descriptive detail, dialoc;ite, narrative, close observation. For the saturation report you may do one of the following: I. Teach or be taught a task. 2. Visit a place. 3. Capture an event. 4. Vividly describe a person. today because you will be working during the lunch 5. Show your job in action. period. No matter what you do, you will need to bring in an Thur.During the class period write your description of the campus scene. abundance of notes in which you have recorded your feelings, your detailed observations, conversations that Fri.Read and discuss the group's report. Use stu- you have heard, people you have spoken to, and descrip- dent models. tions. After all your visiting, looking, and listening, Week 2 bring your notes in (more than you need, please), focus Mon.Work with clauses. on your subject, and then write. Remember that your Tues.Work with tightening. paper should make some kind of statement about lesson, place, event, person, or job. That statement may be Wed.Notes are due. stated or unstated as your material demands. Thur.-Fri.Confer with teacher. Bring complete notes. We will discuss your focus, including underlying ideas I also hand out a three-week scheduleso that every and point of view. While conferences are in progress, student knows at what point in the writingprocess he complete exercises inparallel structure, sentence or she should be on any given day: combining, and clauses. Key will be available. Week 3 Time Schedule for This Project Mon.Every student brings page one of report to NOTE: Prior to the first week, students will have had expe- share. riences with showing writing, James Moffett's sensory report- Tues.Write in class. 41g, ordering details, writing descriptions, and interviewing. Wed.Completed rough drafts are due at the begin- Week I ning of the period for peer evaluation and assistance. Mon.Introduce saturation reporting. Read Tom Thur.Bridge to the essay. Wolfe's The New Journalismscene-by-scene con- Fri.Your finished paper is due. struction, use of detail, point of view, use of dialogue.' Saturation reporting can be adapted to grade and Tues.Read student examples. Read more of Tom ability levels and to locale. Whether the students are Wolfe's explanations. asked to write a description of a scene, an interview, Wed.What are you going to write about? Check or multiple scenes, or whether they are responsible topic with teacher. Get your assignment for the on- only for collecting facts with their tape recorders that campus group saturation report. Bring lunch to class their classmates will transcribe and edit with them, the finished product will be writing that the students will 'Tom Wolfe and E. W. Johnson,The New Journalism.New York: be proud they have done and that you will enjoy Harper & Row Pubs., Inc., 1973. reading. 1 : 9 107 Practical Ideas for Assignibgthe Saturation Report

reparing Students should be created by eachteacher to fit his or her to Write the objectives and classroomsituation.) I usually -p begin by reading apaper to the class that I wrote .1..Saturation Report about Houlihan's baron Friday nights. Then I pass out one of my favorite studentsamples, a By Carol Booth Olson report on "Female Mud Wrestling,"written by Codirector, UCI Writing Project Dave Meltzer ina class I taught at Saddleback College, North Campus. Iinclude it here in its The saturation report isone of the most popular entirety because it is sucha well-written satura- writing assignments I giveto students in my freshman tion report thatconveys the "you are there" feel- composition class. Because the topicis of their own ing very effectively. choosing, students almost alwaysget into their subject. Moreover, theyare challenged to come up with FEMALE MUD WRESTLING unique approaches to communicatingfactual infor- "Good evening, ladies and gentlemen.Welcome to mation in an almost cinematic style.The task of cap- KRAZ's YOU ASKED FOR IT. turing an actualperson, place, or event and bringing "Dave Meltzer reporting livefrom McChona'lay's in Costa Mesa. Tonight, the subject to life through fictionaltechniques will my crew and I are going to naturally lead students to blend the broadcast a most unusualspectacleFEMALE MUD sensory/ descrip- WRESTLING. tive, imaginative/ narrative,practical/ informative, and analytical/expository domains "Excuse me, sir, would you mind tellingthe viewers of writing. what your occupation is and whyyou are attending In order to ensure that studentsput the most in and this event tonight?" get the most out of their saturationreports, I take "Not at all," he said. "Myname is Jim Jacobsen them through a sequence ofsteps that will prepare and I'm a Professor of Psychologyat the University them to select a topic, organize theirideas, and write of California at Irvine." their papers. Thesequence is as follows: "That's very interesting, Jim. Areyou conducting Step 1. Explain to students some research?" several weeks in "Are. you kidding?" He smiled advance (so they havesome "think time") that as he spoke. "I'm here for the same reason thatmost people are here they will have opportunitiesto immerse them- to have a good time." selves in a person, place, or event and bring their (Shrugging my shoulders... ) "Well, so much for subject to life by presenting factualinformation, our system of higher education. scene by scene, using description, characteriza- "Excuse me. Why are you here?" tion, dialogue, andso forth. Pass out the list of A young man with blonde hair,wearing a cowboy key features of a saturationreport, as outlined by hat replies, "To watch the chickswrestle in the mud." Ruby Bernstein at the beginning ofthis section. "You look like an attractivelady. Why are you here?" Step 2. Provide students witha model of a satu- "To find a man, honey." ration report anda list of criteria on which their "In that case, try the blonde with the papers will be evaluated. (Note: The cowboy hat." rubric A dazed-looking man at the barsuddenly spills his vow, drink onto his lap. "Sir, I noticed you sittinghere in the corner. You don't seem that interested in theentertainment. Why are you here?" "OOPS... I ... Um ... drinking ... mud." Well, so much for the clientele. Bob Barison, the master of r\,:a.'..; ceremonies for female mud wrestling, enters theroom. "Bob, over here. "Ladies and gentlemen, this isBob Barison, this evening's master of ceremonies.Bob, how did you ever get involved with this crazy event?" "Well (slight pause), itbegan about four months ago when I was travelingacross the Midwest. I hap-

108 0 pened upon a little bar in Kansas that was displaying wcights. The lightweights we call the Cream -puff a banner advertising Thursday night female mud Cuties, the middleweights are called the Middleweight wrestling. My curiosity got the better of me and so I Ms., and the heavyweights are called the Hefty decided to stick around and watch. I was truly Hunnics." amazed at the way the girls really put their all into "Awright! Awright!" the audience yells. mud wrestling and at the zrowd's reactions. I thought "This is an audience participation sport. Your to myself that it would go over big in southern Cali- cheers, boos, and financial support are all greatly fornia. When I returned to California, I approached a appreciated. Let me give you the rules and regulations number of bar owners about my ideas, but McCho- of female mud wrestling. This sport is sponsored by nahay's was the only one willing to listen. We decided the Female Mud Wrestlers Association of Southern to give it a try. There you have it. Business has tripled California: so far and there's no end in sight." "That's very interesting, Bob. Do you enjoy this "Rule Number 1 The ladies must be in the mud at line of work?" all times." (The crowd begins whistling and "Hell, yes," he answered. "Where else can you drink chanting to start.) for free, say and do anything you want while thecus- "Rule Number 2The ladies cannot remove each tomers scream for more, see beautiful ladies wrestle, other's clothing." (The crowd begins booing and and be able to zollect a paycheck for it?" chanting, "Skin to win, skin to win!") "I have to admit, it sounds great. Thanks for spend- "Rule Number 3No scratching, no pulling of ing a few minutes with us, Bob." each other's hair, and no biting." (Crowd continues booing.) "Rule Number 4No poking in the eyes, cars, nose, or any other hole." (More booing from the The writer)should not followfvks, but fol- audiencealso some laughter.) low knivage tdivardsikanktg, always "Rule Number 5There will not be anymen seeking to understfW what is appearing allowed in the mud (still more boos) unless, of on the page, to see it clearly, to evaluate it course, they are invited." (Crowd begins whis- clearly, for dear thinking tling and cheering.) will produce clear writing. Bob yells, "Arc you ready for mud wrestling?" DONALD.4t1121tAr The crowd screams, "We arc ready. Skin to win." "Is that the best you can do? Are you ready for female mud wrestling? The "grounds crew," as they are called, start pre- "Ladies and gentlemen, to start things off thiseven- paring the ring. The ring consists of four foam blocks ing, we will begin with the Hefty Hunnics." (The approximately six feet long and one foot wide that are crowd begins chanting, "Here comes the beef, here hooked together by nylon straps to form a square. comes the beef.") Inside the square, the "ground crew" layssome more foam and covers it with plastic. Then the whole area 13ob introduces the challenger for the event. "Our first lady is reminiscent of those wonder women, bio- inside the square is filled with cool, slimy mud. A nic women, and other strange looking chicksWild bathtub arrangement is located off to the right where Wilma." (As she enters, the disc jockey starts playing the girls will be washed off after the match. the song by the group Queen, "Sheer Heart Attack.") "It is time for tonight's main event." (The cameras She makes her way to the ring dancing, taking off bits turn to Bob who is making the announcement.) and pieces of her Wonder Woman outfit until all that "Awright! Awright!" he yells. "Good evening, is left is her wrestling suit which consists of a ladies and gentlemen. Welcome to McChonahay's for one - piece bathing suit and some dark-shaded nylons. a very, very crowded Tuesday night. Let me introduce While she limbers up, Iihe crowd goes myself. I am Bob Barison, your emcee for the evening. crazy I will give you folks the play-by-play action until the throwing dollars, slipping them into runs in her ny- very end. Are you ready for female mud wrestling?" lons, shoulder straps, and some other areas. (The crowd starts chanting "mud, mud, mud.") Bob says, "Awright, let's have a big hand for the challenger. Now it is a great honor to introduce to "Awright! How many of you here tonight have seen you the champion for the past five weeks, Smooth female mud wrestling before?" (Lots of whistles and yells from the audience.) "How many of you are here Movin' Sam." (The crowd begins chanting, "Sam, tonight for your first time?" (About half the crowd Sam, Sam.") As she makes her entrance, the D.J. raises their hands while the rest continue chanting starts playing the song by Foreigner, "Cold as Ice." "mud, mud, mud.") Sam goes through a similar routine, collecting the money and stripping down. "For those of you who do not know what this is, "Okay, ladies, in the mud," Bob says to them. this is female mud wrestling. Are you ready? Let's count it downeveryone "We have three different weight categories: the together. You've got 5...4...3... 2 ...1 ... lightweights, the middleweights, and the hcavy- mud wrestle!"

121 109 Right away Wilma's in trouble. The champ ilas her couldwrite about and to place thenames on a shoulders in the mud. Shc is trying desperatelyto free chart like this one: herself from the champ's powerful grip.All of a sudden, Wilma throws her legsup and catches Sam around her neck. The whistle sounds. People Places Bob yells, "Did yousee that? Wild Wilma got out Events of that mess smooth as silk. Can sheupset the champ tonight? We will have to wait andsec. Are you ladies ready? Wrestle!" Sam charges at Wilma, pulling herpower play, trapping the challenger in a full bodypress between her powerful shoulders and thighs. Wilmadoesn't stand a chance. "She is down; it's a pin." The refereesounds the whistle. Then, have them puta GI next, to`e topicsthey In the second round, Wilma tries desperatelyto are genuinely interested in and MC 'y the topics gain some points after that last pinbut to no avail. they are mildly cur'ous about. Aftereliminating But in round three, Sam is beginningto show signs of all the MCs from their lists,students can set fatigue. Wild Wilma is allover Sam, toying with the priorities for their GIs and selectthe most prom- champ as if she wcrc a rag doll. ising topic. Bob announces, "The champ is in troublenow. Wilma has Sam on her back. Shc ispositioning for Step 4. Enable / require studentsto begin plan- the pin.3.. . 2 .. .I... It's a pin!" (The whistle ning early by asking .themto write a one -page sounds, signaling the end of the match.) abstract that explains what their topicis, why The crowd is going crazyscreaming,hollering, they selected it, and how they intendto go about and throwing dollars into the air.Someone from the getting the informationthey need. Review these audience yells, "One more round." abstracts while students share theirideas and ge. And soon, the entire crowd picksup the chant, feedback from theirpeer groups. Meet with any "One more round. Onemore round. One more round." students who still need tonarrow their focus. Bob asks, "How many of you work overtimefor Step 5. The studentsare nuw ready to go out and nothing? You want another round? Thengive these observe their person, place,or event. Encourage girls some encouragement. Let'ssee those grccn- them to record everything theyhear, see, touch, backs." (The crowd begins to coughup the dough.) smell, taste, and soon and to note their own "Thank you, folks." impressions and reactions. Allowa week for the "No, we don't accept VISA," Bob chuckles. information generating stage of "Well, that's it for tonight, ladies and the process. (You gentlemen. may findtheaccompanying chart helpful for \Ve'd like to stay for thatextra round, but we've got to get back to the studio. Thank showing your students how thedata they collect you for tuning in can relate to the domain of writing.) tonight. This is Davc Meltzer, liveat McChonahay's for FEMALE MUD WRESTLING, signingoff." Step 6. When studentscome back to class with their notes, help themto organize their ideas by asking them to think of Step 3. Once students have themselves as photog- a clear idea of what raphers or cinematographers.If they wcrc filming the saturation report entails, ask themto brain- this, what kind of storm about the people, places, and events camera angles would they use? they What focus? What kind of lighting?How often

Sensory' Descriptive Imaginative' Narrative Practical' Informative Analytical' Expository

RECORD: Sights, RECORD: Dialogue, RECORD:Historical RECORD: First smells, tastes, time frame, ideas background, in- impressions, textures, sounds, for scents, transi- teresting facts reactions, after- action words, tion words, dramat- cad statistics, "how thoughts, c atmosphere words, ic effects, mood to" information, character descrip- judgr:;nts, criti- tion interview questions, cisms and responses

110 " would they change the scene? Then show them he Add-on Ruby Bernstein's cluster of her expose of fat doctors (Figure 23), and ask them to create a scene- Saturation by-scene cluster of their report. Walk around the Report room to review these and offer suggestions. Step 7. Finally, to make sure that the studentsare By Linda Bowe off to a good start, have them write their opening Teacher, Evergreen Elementary School, scene and bring copies to class for sharing. Jenee Walnut Valley Unified School Distrct; Gossard's read-around technique (in the "Shar- and Teacher/Consultant, UCI Writing Project ing /Responding" section of this book) works particularly well for bringing to the students' Saturation reporting is a natural outgrowth ofa attention papers that look particularly promis- writing exercise I use in my second grade classroom: ing. These papers can be read aloud to the whole writing add-on-books. This five-day writingexpe- group (in addition to being read silently by all) rience helps students develop complete, detailedsto- and discussed in terms of their special merits. ries, each with a beginning, a middle, andan end. Students can then go back to theirown papers Once familiar with the add-on technique (described with a fresh perspective on theirown writing, below), students can write saturation reports inany some new ideas gained from seeing other stu- unit of study. Science and social studiesare particu- dents' work, and the motivation of writing for larly appropriate. Reports can easily be done with their peers. science lessons on the following subjects: fruit flies, tadpoles, snails, tide pools, earthworms,or any sim- Even with all this preparation, some students will ilar subject that generates student interest and investi- still write flawed saturation reports, but those stu- gation. dents will be in the minority. My experience has been My science unit on silkworms has providedan that the saturation report brings out the best in stu- excellent opportunity for students to use the knowl- dent writers. I always look forward to reading them edge they have acquired through the enjoyablepro- because they are as diverse as one's studentsare cess of storywriting. Following intense weeks of interesting, educational, and wellcrafted. observation and discussion as the silkworms hatch, grow, molt, spin, emerge as moths, lay eggs, and die, the students become thoroughly immersed in the life cycle of the silkworm. At this point, theyare very capable of writing about the experience. Students may take one of two approaches in writing their add-on saturation reports. Theycan describe a different life cycle of the silkworm each day,or they can concentrate on one cycle and write daily about a different aspect. Limiting the daily topic helpsstu- dents to focus on the subject and to producemore descriptive pieces of writing than they might otherwise produce. In a more creative vein, the studentscan fantasize and write imaginative stories about pet silkworms. P MiiMenar The following format works well for this assignment: Day 1: The students describe the silkworm's character. Day 2: They describe the silkworm's habitat. Day 3: They put the silkworm in an exciting situation that involves some kind of problemor conflict. Day 4: They propose a solution to the problemor a resolution to the conflict. Day 5: They tell about the feelings of the silkworm after its exciting experience. Using this day-by-day add-on technique, the students develop an ongoing story in which they integrate fac- 1 3 the paper itself the student writerswere to capture in detail a moment in that character's lifeand to include a physical description of C.: person, details of the setting, narration (action), and interiormonologue of the character. To facilitate the collection of referencematerials, I held several class sessions in the library. Studentswere required to record on 3"x 5" cards the footnote and bibliographical information they would needfor their saturation research paper. I met withstudents individually while their researchwas in progress to make certain they were consultinga range of secondary sources and to discuss how to go about selectingone moment in their subject's life from the biographical tual information and imaginative ideas. Often,stu- information they had compiled. dents become so involved in the study of theirsilk- Once the students had completed theirresearch and worms that they choose to write their stories from the narrowed their focus to one significantevent in a first person point of view. famous person's life,I gave them the following Once the students have prepareda draft of their directions: add-on saturation reports, they can revise them and Your paper will focus on one particularmoment in put their final versions in booklets made of brightly your subject's life. Describe what your person looks like, colored construction paper. They shouldalso be identify and describe where heor she is, and explain encouraged to illustrate what theywrote. Students what is going on at the time. Include, throughinterior love to share their new found knowledge withtheir monologue, what your character is thinking during this classmates, parents, or community membersat an moment. Footnote all material obtained from research. open house. (For other suggested postwriting activi- Several successful papers have followed this order: ties, see page 24 of the Handbook forPlanning an Description of the setting Effective Writing Program.) Description of the action in the setting I have found that once students writean add-on Introduction of the famous person saturation report by blending science withcreative Interior monologue of their thoughts writing, their enthusiasm for classroomstudy in all You are attempting to capture one minuteor so in the curricular areas grows, life of your subject. There isno maximum or minimum as does their desire to com- paper length. municate what they have learned toan audience. As an example of the above format,one student described a moment in Louis XVI's life.She focused on his execution in Paris, the tensionon the scaffold, and his final moments of consciousness. Hereis that Saturation student's description:

Research Paper A Moment in Louis XVI's Life A man standing on a scaffold, in the Place de la Revo- By Cathy D'Aoust lution in Paris, is watched by thousands ofpeople. He Codirector, UCI Writing Project has been driven to this highly reputed location bycar- riage, in the company of an Irish priest, the AbbeEdge- worth. The troops are out in full force, and there I was teaching intermediate composition are at the high national guards as well as a strong militaryescort posi- school level when Ruby Bernstein introducedsatura- tioned by the condemned monarch's carriage. tion reporting to our writing project.I was imme- The man who seems to be caught in the spotlightis diately interested in adapting thisapproach to some Louis XVI. He was the King of Franceduring its type of research paper. I thought that utilizing fic- renowned Revolution. Although his clotheswere some- tional techniques in a researchpaper would be both what disheveled, it was obvious, asone might judge from challenging and interesting to students. his habit, that he was definitelyone of the hierarchy. At Basically, the assignment the age of forty, he was a thicksetman with a puffy face. was to choose a famous He possessed a long protruding person and to research a specific time in that person's nose, full, curved lips, life. Famous meant that there and a broad forehead, over which his dark hairpeeped was sufficient research out from under a curly, white wig. His large, dark material available on this person to write eyes a paper. In sent forth an expression that was not totallyunsympa-

112 1 2 4 thetic to the reasonable demands of his people for elementary justice; however, the peasantry's cry of, "Some- thing has to be done by some great folk for the likes of us," had been ignored, and now they stood watchingas their rage took vengeance upon their King. (2;21)* g As they readied Louis XVI's body for the guillotine, he lost consciousness and was as one already dead. From this state he was awakenedages later, it seemedto himby the piercing cries of theangry people. Keen, poignant agonies seemed to shoot from his neck down- ward through every fibre of his body and limbs. They seemed like streams of pulsating fire heating him toan intolerable temperature. As to his head, he was conscious of nothing but fullnessof congestion. These sensationswere unac- companied by thought. The intellectual part of him had departed; he had power only to feel, and feelingwas torment. Suddenly, his unconscious mind was awakened. He thought of escaping. To die at the guillotine the idea seemed ludicrous. He opened his eyes and was now in full possession of his physical senses. They were supernaturally keen and alert. He saw the scaffold, the captain, the sentinels and he saw the executioners. They shouted and gesticu- lated, pointing at him. He felt ashamed and wondered, "Could it be through some fault of mine that France has c 1986 1)i..WIS HEARN!: been famine stricken, its finances turned chaotic, and its words were, "Frenchmen, I die innocent, and I institutions ruined?" He sought for the answer and pray to reas- God that my blood will not fall upon my people." (1;237) sured himself that he wasn't to blame. Ile thought of the two previous Louises and remembered, "It was Louis The executioners proceeded with their duties, although somewhat disconcerted by his proud bearing and XIV, who undermined the stability of France. Louis XV, fearlessness. As the knife fell, cries of thousands of whose sloth took France to the edge of abyss." (4;522) people filled the air, willing the King's death. People dipped As his mind searched for more proof of innocence on their finger:: in the royal blood, arid one tasted it saying, his part, he thought, "After all, it was I who sought to "It is vilely salt; "(1;237) repair this damage to France. I am being punished for There was no m)urning in Paris that day. The theaters the deeds of others before me!" were full and mush wine was drunk. The body was taken It was unfortunate that he had to begin his reignas King of France at its worst moment, and to make mat- to the cemetert of the Madeleine and covered with quicklime. ters worse, very little preparation was made to fit him for his destiny. He had received a sketchy education, and all Later I used this same assignment in an advanced knowledge of state affairs had been withheld from him composition course. These students were, ofcourse, by his insensate grandfather, Louis XV. Consequently, much more concerned with style. They were able to he had misjudged the magnitude of the problem and the blend the elements of fictional writing into nonfiction temper of his people. Overwhelmed by the current situa- more successfully. Many of them began with action or tion, he thought to himself, "I had no idea that things interior monologue; they all tried differentways of would come to this!" Sadly he realized, "It's too late. mixing narration, description, characterization, and Nothing more can be done at this place in time." dialogue. For Louis XVI, the end was near, and he could feel it for certain. In the final moments, a sudden urge swelled Regardless of their skill level, my intermediate and within him to speak to his people. Louis XVI's last advanced composition students enjoyed my research- oriented version of the saturation report. They im- *Note. The parenthetical notations refer to the following footnotes and the mersed themselves in the life of a famous person of page references in these works: their choice and were able to recreate one moment in IDuc de Castries,Lives of the Kings and Queens of France. New that petson's life. To do this successfully, they had to York: Alfred A. Knopf, Inc., 1979. do more than just state the facts; they had to bring 2. Gwynne Lewis, Life in Revolutionary France.New York: G. P. Putnam's Sons, 1972. research to life by dramatizing it. Reading thesepa- 3 Douglas Lirersidge,The Da) the Bastille FellNew \ ork. Franklin pers was a special pleasure because the students tapped Watts, Inc., 1972. all of their descriptive, narrative, and expository writ- 4. Frank Usher, "Louts XVI,"in100 tireat Kings, Queens, and Rulers of theWorld, edited with an introduction by John Canning.New ing skills to make their saturation researchpapers York: Taplinger Publishing Company, 1968. interesting and informative.

113 a

A Lessonon Point of View. . .That Works By Carol Booth Olson Codirector, UCI Writing Project

To make the concept of point of view comprehensi- writing assignment.2 The universal themes of the ble to students, I include a writing assignment inmy novella are also readily accessible and lend themselves composition class that enables each studentto become to a class discussion that everyone can contribute to. a literary character and to speak through that charac- Finally, the authorial voice that John Steinbeckuses ter's voice. The emphasis of the lesson is two-fold. to set the stage for his drama is quite distinct from the First, it provides an experiential, "learn-by-doing" dialogue in which his main characters, two itinerant approach to improving writing skills. As the British farmhands, speak for themselvesrevealing their hopes researcher on writing James Britton pointsout in The and dreams, frustrations and limitations. Development of Writing Abilities (11-18), when writ- Because of my exposure to the California and ing becomes a genuine mode of learning instead of National Writing projects, Iam a believer in teaching just a vehicle for showing whatone has already writing as a process and, whenever possible,structure learned, there is more opportunity for the studentto my assignments in such a way as to include instruction discover his or her own personal voiceas a writer.' and "think time" for each stage of composition:pre- Second, this kind of assignment fosters critical read- writing, writing, sharing/responding, rewriting, editing skills because the student must think deeply about ing, and evaluating. As a prewriting exercise formy a piece of literature in order to assume the point of lesson on point of view, I use Gabriele Rico's cluster- view of one of the characters. ing technique to generate ideas for discussion.(See To begin, I introduce the followingaspects of point Dr. Rico's description of clustering thatappears ear- of view: who (first person, thirdperson, omniscient lier in this publication.) narrator, and stream of consciousness narration); During the clustering session the instructor writesa when (past, present, future, and flashback); and where stimulus word on the chalkboard and asks studentsto (from a distant perspective, in the midst of the action, make free associations to conjureup words, images, from beyond the grave, and so forth). I then ask the and phrases in bubbles around that stimulus word. students to read John Steinbeck's novella Of Mice These clusters are then used as a basis from whichto and Men. This book works well fora variety of rea- create short paragraphs about the designated topic. sons. Since the majority of my students do not read For this particular prewriting exercise, I ask thestu- for pleasure and need to be encouraged to discover the dents to take ten minutes to jot down anything that value of a good book, the brevity and pacing of Of comes to mind in felation to Lennie and George, the Mice and Men is attractive for an initial reading and protagonists in Of Mice and Men. We share these

'James Britton and others,The Development of Writing Abilities 2John Steinbeck,Of Mice and Men.New York. The Viking Press, Inc., (11-18)(Schools Council Research Studies). Houndmills Basingstoke 1972; 1965 by John Steinbeck. Hampshire: Macmillan Eduation Ltd., 1975.

114 126 associations as a group and develop clusters, suchas does it. Pathetic! How can you deal with aguy like that? the one shown in Figure 24. Then, rather than asking I know I'd probably be better off without him. Trouble students to write freely, using their clustersas a point is, I think I'd probably miss him,crazy as it sounds. And of departure, I try to elicitone sentence from our I'd always be wonderin what kinda trouble hewas gettin discussion, such as, "Lennie's mind isnot right," into with no one to get him out of it. Iguess we gotta which students must illustrate ina paragraph using stick together. Rebekah Caplan's strategy of "showing,not telling" Having established this foundation for writing, I (see Rebekah Caplan's section earlier in thisbook); give the students the following assignment: that is, of showing Lennie's mental infirmityrather At the conclusion of Of Mice and Men, Slim leads than directly telling about it,as in the sample that George away from the river and up towards the highway, follows: reassuring him that he had to kill Lennie; therewas no Lennie's mind is not right. way out. Imagine that Slim and George head into town for some stiff drinks and deep conversation. Please begin Towering over all like a giant, ignorant of his strength, your paper at this point. Lennie crushes the life out of the objects of his affection like so many paper dolls. And then he looks at George, Writing assignment: In George's words explainto helplessly, questioningly, burning with shame because he Slim why you killed Lennie. Remember thatyou must has done another bad thing and terrified that there will become George to write this paper. Youare limited to be no more soft, fuzzy cr...atures to fondle. He's kind of his vocabulary, his perspective on life, and his levelof like those puppies he smothers with lovefilled with sensitivity. In your dialogue suggest either directlyor need, anxious to please, obedient to his master. George indirectly: what Lennie meant to you, what significance just shakes his head and wonders what's to become of the dream of the land and the farmhouse hasor had for them. "Tell me again about the rabbits!" The broken you, and your perception of what life will be like without record is stuck on the same groove. Lennie smiles dream- Lennie. ily as the nightmare unfoldsoblivious to all but the To clarify what is expected of the studenton this pretty picture in his head. assignment, I hand out a two-page scoring guide based on a 1 to 9 holistic scale that outlines the characteristics of a successful and unsuccessfulpaper: 9-8 This paper is clearly superiorwell written, coherent, clearly organized, and insightful. A 9-8paper does most or all of the following well: Maintains a clear point of view; i.e., speak through George's voice and see through George's eyes. Portrays George in a manner that is consistent with John Steinbeck's depiction of him. Shows insight into George's character and into the main themes Steinbeck presents in the novella. Responds to the questions of: why you killed Lennie, what he meant to you, what significance the dream of the land and the farmhouse has or had for you, and whatyou think life will be like without Lennie. Displays the writer's own voice through the description that is external to George's and Slim's dialogue (suchas establishing setting). Uses descriptive, precise, and appropriate diction. Fig. 24. Clustering of Lennie from Handles dialogue effectively. Varies se,tence structure and length for effect. Of Mice and Men Uses the conventions of written English (spelling, punctuation, grammar, complete sentence structure,proper We follow the same procedure of sharing cluster format for using dialogue, and so forth) correctly. (NOTE: Grammar may be violated and slang words used words about George, although more emphasis isnow in this case in the dialogue portions of your paper.) placed on comparing and contrasting thetwo characters. But when it comes time to show that "George is his brother's keeper," I ask the students tovim their paragraphs as monologues from George'sLis ..it of ,Mytafik: .0)**0# view, as was done in this example: ten_4or He ain't smart but he's a worker, old Lennie is. Hecan do anything once you tell him how. Sometimes he makes 4411 D ..51 me so mad, I just tell him to jump in the lake. But he

127 115 7 This paper is a thinner version of the 9-8paper. It is 4-3 These scores apply topapers that follow the general still impressive and interesting but less well-handled idea of the writing assignment but thatare weak in in terms of point of view, organization,or diction. thought, language facility, or the conventions of writ- The 7 paper is also apt to offer less insight into ten English. A 4-3 paper exhibits someor all of the George's character and into Steinbeck's main themes. following: 6-5 These scores apply to papers thatare less well-handled Speaks through George's voice only intermittentlyor not than the 7, 8, or 9 paper. A 6-5 papermay be less at all. Who is speaking may be unclear. insightful, more loosely organized,or less compre- Portrays George in a manner that is inconsistent with Steinbeck's depiction. hensible to the reader. A 6-5 paper will exhibitsome or all of the following: Fails to respond to the four questions posed in thewriting assignment. Speaks through George's voice but is not entirely clear in Displays very little insight into Steinbeck's charactersor terms o. the message conveyed. main themes. Portrays George in a manner that is generally consistent Uses overly general diction not suited to George'schar- with Steinbeck's depiction of him but in sucha way that acter. the character does not sound real. Uses dialogue ineffectively or not at all. Responds directly to why you killed Lennie but only Presents the purpose of paper unclearly. touches on the other three subquestions. Contains little or no differentiation between style and Tends to say the obvious and does not displayany special sentence patterns in the "George portion" of the paper insight into the characters. and in the writer's description of setting. Contains serious Displays little or none of the writer's voice through de- problems in the conventions of written English that scription of setting. impair the author's message. Uses less descriptive, precise, or appropriate diction than in the 7, 98, paper. or. 2-1 These papers: Handles dialogue less effectively than the 7, 8,or 9 paper. Fail to speak through George's voice. (The dialogue may either drag or be too sketchy.) Neglect the four questions posed in the writing assignment. Uses little or no variation in sentence structure and Have superficial and/or fragmented and cloudy length. content. Indicate that the writer has misunderstoodor perhaps has Contains some problems with the conventions of written not read the book. English but none that seriously impairs themessage. Contain serious problems in the conventions of written English.

NOTE: An extremely wel-written paper in terms of theconven- tions of written English may receive a point higher from thescorer than it would on the basis of content alone. A paper that is strong or satisfactory in content but that has serious problems in the conventions of written English should be docked up to two points, depending on the nature and frequency of the errors committed. I give students one week to write rough drafts of their point of view papers and ask them to bring four photocopies of their work to class for discussion. I then allow one class session for students to meet in their groups to make critiques, read theirpapers aloud, get feedback from their group members, and make notes for revision. Early in the semester I train my students to use the following techniques adapted from Peter Elbow's Writing Without Teachers (see Peter Elbow's section that appears later in this book): Pointing to the wordsTrying to remember keywords or phrases that seem strong or weak Summarizing the writingsummarizing the piece of writing in a single sentence or choosing one word that captures it to help the writer determine whether the message he or she intended comes across clearly Telling the writer what happeneddescribing the thoughts and feelings that come to mind as the writer shares his or her work I also stress that students should be descriptive rather that evaluative in their remarks, and I remind the class that there is no right andwrong in writing-

116 128 only what communicates and what doesnot. While Slim poured two shots of whiskey and handed George students are sharing their papers, I call themup one one. George downed it and felt like throwing up but kept by one and offer my comments and suggestions. it down because he needed not to think for awhile. The revised paper is to be scored in class thefollow- "You done all you could, George," Slim softly said. ing week. Using the scoring guide I provided,mem- "All you could." bers of writing groups mustscore the papers, come to As he looked into Slim's eyes of steel, George felt the a group consensus, and fill out an evaluation sheet for shock starting to leave him, but angerwas welling up: "I papers written by four students from another writing had to shoot 'im! I had no choice. I couldn't let 'imalone for a minute. That bastard Curleywas just waitin' to group. The papers are then handed in tome for my string 'im up." score (which I average with theirs) andmy written feedback. George grabbed another shot of whiskey and downed it, trying to calm his nerves: "Hewas jus' like a big kid, but so strong an' he didn't know what hewas doin! I couldn't let 'im go on like that." George felt his eyes begin to burn, but he wasn'tgoing The.0410 Obi. 0:Mewls to cry in front of Slim. So, he kept talking: "Thatpoor kid couldn't a' been mean if it meant his life!Poor kid." Again, George downed the refilled glass.Slim didn't say anythingjust poured another and another. George kept talking. He felt like telling Slim everything. With- out Lennie, there was no secret to be kept. I was particularly impressed with the quality ofthe "I kept tellin"im about a placea beautiful,green papers that were turned in for this assignment. The place all our own. At first itwas jus' to keep 'im in line, students demonstrated a cleargrasp of point of view, ya know; but he'd get me talkin' and dreamin' andsoon a depth of feeling for the character whose voice they I'd start to ask myself, 'Why not? We could do it.' Oh,I knowed it probably wouldn'tnever of happened, but it were assuming, and an overall understanding of John was all that kep' us goin'." Steinbeck's underlying themes. Ultimately, I feel that George stopped, feeling the burning in hiseyes again, this lesson positively affected futurepapers, because it thinking about living without Lennie. Lonely.Just drift- not only made students more aware of point of view in ing from place to placewithno friends. Terribly lonely. literature, but it also increased their recognitionof "Yeah, all we had. .," he said, "except each other. their own voices as writers. A sample ofa student Now I ain't even got him no more." paper written by Charles Wrightson, who was inmy "What you gonna do now, George?" Slim asked. English IA class at Saddleback Community College/ "Don' know, Slim, I jus' don' know. Hewas all I had. North Campus, follows: But I had to shoot 'im. You see that, don'you Slim?" Without responding, Slim stoodup, deciding it was GEORGE SPEAKS time to leave. "Come on, George, we'd betterbe gettin' The sun had fallen through the soft, dusty haze when back," he urged. they finally reached Soledad. Slim let theother farm- Slowly wavering, George got to his feet. Hewas pretty hands come along but told them to leave Georgeand drunk, bat his head was clear: "Iguess I'll work the him alone. They went to Suzy's Place, their boots kick- month out an' then move on, Slim." ing up little dust clouds and scrapingon the gravel at the Slim looked at George for a minute, put hisarm out to side of the rutted old road. brace his friend, and helped him outside. "Iguess that's Suzy met them at the door and looked themup and best,,:orge," he agreed. They moved out into the deep down. But before she could say anything, Slim said night with the rich smell of barleyon the dry, whispering softly, "The boys can do what they want. Me an' George breeze and headed down the dusty road. want a quiet table alone." After reading Slim's face and tone, she lookedat George, lowered her eyes, and slowly nodded herhead with its lovely blond curls. She led theway to the side table, brought a whiskey bottle and two shot glasses, and left after a slow look at Slim. It seemed that George had sat there for hours, slumped, looking deep into the dark grain of thewood table for an answer. All he sa.v was thegun shaking in his nerveless hand, Lennie's heat) exploding fromthe impact, his body twitchingas it fell over, and the blood pool beginning to grow like water froma slow spring. "I been lookin' after Lennie my whole life," he finally whispered, still staring into the table. 12E 117 Teaching Point of View caught. Luscious dwarfs and ponies lay withinour grasp. With hoots and hollers, we began to gather Through Characters them up, when out of a corner came a mighty burst of from a Novel lightning, killing several goblins. We hastily tookour new-found treasures (captives) down into thecavern By Elizabeth Williams Reeves and began to celebrate. Teacher, Pine Middle School, After the students have explored three different Los Alamitos Unified School District; points of view, their assignment is toassume the role and Teacher /Consultant, UCI Writing Project of one of these characters and to writea more lengthy narrative/ monologue recounting the adventure in the As readers, we often tend to discountstory charac- goblin cave. I find that they havea much easier time ters of minor significance and focuson either the pro- becoming a character after exploring thesame scene tagonist or antagonist. By enablingstudents to con- from several different perspectives. sider the points of view of all characters,we may help them establish a clearer understandingof varying personality traits, emotions, and actions. A lesson I have designed to increasestudents' awareness of point of view comes from The Hobbit.' r In one segment of the novel, Bilbo, hisdwarf friends, and Ganda lf, the wizard, are captured by the goblins and taken prisoners in the goblincave. I ask students to place themselves in the positions first of Bilbo, then Ganda lf, and finally, a goblin, andto consider the following questions: 1. After Ganda lf, Bilbo, and the dwarfs entered the cavern to find shelter from the thunder battle, ASeventh Grade how did you feel? 2. How did you feel when the cave opened up? Approach to 3. How did you feel as you stood in the greatcav- Point of View ern before the Great Goblin? What did you do? 4. How did you react when the Great Goblinwas By Marie Filardo smote before your eyes? English Teacher, Serrano Intermediate School, Student models of the beginning paragraphswritten Saddleback Valley Unified School District; from each character's point of view follow: and Teacher/Consultant, UCI Writing Project 1. From Bilbo's point of view: Point of view is one of themost difficult techniques I was dumbfounded to find thatmy nightmare had of fine writing to teach seventh come true. The wicked monsters led the dwarfs and graders. To simplify myself down into their lair. There, the Great Goblin teaching the technique, I takea two-step approach. sat. My knees knocked, one against the other. First, I assign my studentsa novel entitled A Special Gift by Marcia L. Simon, which I 2. From Gandalfs point of view: ask them to summarize.' The ability to summarize isnot just a reading Bilbo's scream provided me with just enough warn- skill but a critical thinking skill. Acco.2ingto Edward ing to escape the clutches of the goblins. Igrabbed my Fry, Director of the Reading Center wand, and with a flash of lightning, killeda few of the and Professor at wicked monsters. Then, I quickly slipped into the Rutgers University, summarizing ismore than merely long, dark corridor which led to the cavern below. finding the main idea; it also involvesthe production of a message, a concise statement 3. From a goblin's point of view: that is spoken or written. For most seventh graders,summarizing is the I heard the voices of intruders in thecave overhead mere reproduction of a story. I attempt to teach and grabbed my goblin friends tosee what we had them

'Marcia L. Simon, A Special Gift. New York:. Harcourt BraceJovano- 'J. R. R. Tolkien, The Hobbit. Boston: Houghton MifflinCo., 1977. vich, Inc., 1978; 0 1978 by Marcia L. Simon.

113 130 to internalize thoughts and emotions evokedby the ture in these thoughts. In this lesson weuse clustering author and to generate new ideas. to focus on Peter's problems. The intent isto have the A Special Gift is the story ofa teenage boy named students project themselves into Peter's mindand to Peter who is torn betweentwo talents. He is an excel- brainstrom about his dilemma, using Peter's voice. lent basketball player as wellas an excellent ballet To do this activity successfully, the studentsmust dancer. At first, ballet is something Peterdoes as a adhere to the issue at hand; i.e., how Peter feels.I young boy simply because he accompanies his sister to emphasize that their success dependson how well they lessons. As Peter matures and becomesmore sensitive get into Peter's mind. The writers must be objective to the feelings of others, he realizes his sister's enjoy- and unbiased in their reactions. Theymust be willing ment of the art is readily approved of, whereas his is to suspend their own thoughts and feelings andto not only disapproved of, but frownedon. Neverthe- refrain from judging Peter. Instead theymust think as less, he pursues his love for dancing, insistingthat the Peter thinks. They must strive tosense the emotional strenuous exercises enhance his basketball perfor- turmoil that Peter isexperiencing. The physical mance. His dad is thrilled with the prospect of his movements Peter engages in must be as realistic to the son's becoming the school's star basketballplayer but students as are Peter's mental and emotionalstates. has difficulty accepting the fact that he enjoysballet. Given the word dancing asa nucleus word, we arrive Peter finds himself torn between winninghis dad's at a cluster, as shown in Figure 25. admiration and bearing his rejection. Peter isalso aware that he has kept his dancing a secret from his friends and classmates. When his father'sfriend, Pear- son, discovers Peter's talent for ballet, he calls his Cucirt MOM&-I): enjoyment of dancing "weird." Peter realizesthe horror facing him if and when his double life should be revealed. FR /END CA myst5-n As the story unfolds, Peter is chosento dance in the kVEYRD. 40/41RE5 Nutcracker ballet. He admits that he is thrilledwith the opportunity, finally sensing how much dancing -Z Joy 134b really means to him. All of Peter's difficultiesbecome DAZ11116- REAT,75 17 compounded when basketballseason overlaps with ballet season. Rehearsals for thegames and perfor- F/A/D JT mances are scheduled for the same times, and Peter is cHALLail6r/N6: caught in a dilemma. He mustcome to terms with himself, his values, and his friendships. Al V 7EACifeiz After we have summarized the story orally,I ask kEr-06N/Z65 frAs my students to embark on step two, the critical think- .4-.5Per14-1-61F77 ing stage, which has as its ultimate goalthe production of a written statement. When studentsare fully immersed in the plot and characters of the story, I ask Fig. 25. Clustering Dancing fromA Special Gift them to employ Gabriele Rico's techniqueof cluster- Then I present a scene from the bookto use as a The stutleatittustthinkeleeplyabout springboard for the students' writing. It isone in a which Peter has given in to his father's piece 4literatare:ittOrder to pressure to assume the play basketball when he should havebeen attending pofrit of Weil) ofone of the characters. an important rehearsal for the ballet. Because he plays CAROL BOOTH OLSON poorly, his coach yells at him, and then hehurts his ankle. He uses the accidentas an excuse to leave the game and rush to the rehearsal. While hectically ing. (See Dr. Rico's description ofclustering as a prewriting process, which changing clothes in his dad'scar, he feels frustration appears earlier in this and resentment. Marcia Simon writes: book.) As Dr. Rico points out, clusteringis a visual, nonlinear development of ideas. It helpsthe students He was angry with his father for making himgo to the find and generate ideas. It is the discovery game, and angry with the coach for scolding him. Most or brain- of all he was angry with himselffor agreeing storming stage of writing sometimes labeledprewrit- to play in the game in the first place when he should havebeen at ing. Given a nucleus word, the writer is askedto asso- the ballet rehearsal, for playing like ciate satellite words. Later, the writer discovers a clumsy idiot, and struc- for leaving the game to go to ballet whenany kid in his 131 119 AParent's Point of View By Dale Sprowl English Teacher, Irvine High School, Irvine Unified School District; and Teacher/Consultant, UCI Writing Project

To teach point of view, Iuse "Charles," a very short story by Shirley Jackson, which tells ofa young boy's conflicts in his first days of kindergarten.'Narrated from his mother's point of view, thestory unfolds as her son, Laurie, comes home each dayto tell his family about another boy, Charles, whocauses persistent trouble at school. In the course of thestory, Charles becomes less naughty andmore congenial and productive at school. Curious to findout who Charles's parents are, the mother attends a P.T.A. meeting only to find that there is no Charles in the class and, thus, that her son has been talking about himself. right mind would have wanted to stay at thegame and help his team win.2 After I. have read the story aloud tomy low-ability- level ninth grade students,we discuss Laurie's motiva- Using this scene as a point of departure, I givemy tion in creating Charles, his transition into becoming students the following prompt: a cooperative member of the class, clues the author Imagine you are Peter riding in your dad'scar. You gives of what the mother will discover, andthe moth- have just returned from a humiliatinggame, which you er's point of view. Then the discussionmoves away did not want to play in the first place. Youwere manipu- from the short story to the students'own experiences. lated by your dad, your coach, your team members, I ask questions about the students' feelingson the first classmates, and friends. You are furious becauseno one day of school, about conflicts with has shown any regard for your feelings or rights teachers, and as an about saying, "I have a friend who ," to test individual. You are tired of being ignored. You loveyour a parent's reaction to a predicament. Why do father and want him to understand thatyou are a young we try to adult capable of making intelligent decisions. Prove that protect our parents from who we truly are? We discuss you are your own person. Convince your father that you the need for acceptance. have reviewed all the pros and cons before making this After the discussion I give the writing assignment.I decision to quit the team and dance. You know beyonda have the students write a letter to themselvesfrom shadow of a doubt that playing basketball will makeyou either their mother's or father's point ofview. The a hero, whereas dancing will make you a laughing stock. students write the letters to themselves ("DearSean") A Special Go is especially geared to junior high and sign it from one of their parents ("Love,Mom"). I school students who are beginning both the school explain the proper format fora friendly letter and year and an examination of themselves and their place write criteria for the letter on the chalkboard. in the world. Writing about Peter's decision allows The students responded well after they hadcom- these students to examine the importance of being pleted the prewriting exercises of reading and discuss- themselveseven if it is at the expense of fitting in. ing. Their responses, however, indicatedthat they This book also provides them with the opportunityto perceived their parents as critical and rule conscious: explore the challenges, decisions, and difficulties of "P.S. Clean your room." "Please don't forgetto clean growing up, as viewed from the standpoint ofa young your room, make your bed, take the trash out, and person. Remaining anonymous allows young students stay in the house until everyone comes home." Fewer to express their innermost feelings without the burden responses contained affection and acceptance. This of repercussions from their peers. outcome helped me to understand my students and their perception of authority. Theywere motivated to 2Marcia L. Simon, A Special Gift. New York: HarcourtBrace Jovano- vich, Inc., 1978, p. 65. 0 1978 by Marcia L. Simon; reprintedby 'Shirley Jackson, "Charles," in The Lottery: Or the Adventures of permission of the publisher. James Harris. New York: Farrar, Straus & Giroux, Inc., 1949.

120 1:--:2 write by the switch in point of view (andperhaps, they "n Inside Look at Fear: felt power in becoming a parent). A lessonplan on my "point of view" assignment follows: Point of View SUGGESTED LESSON PLAN ON POINT OF VIEW in The Crucible (Ninth grade English, one to two days in class) FirstRead Shirley Jackson's shortstory "Charles." By Julie Simpson SecondDiscuss the story. English Teacher, Sunny Hills High School, I.Why did the boy create Charles? Fullerton Union High School District; 2. How did the boy grow as the story progressed? and Teacher/Consultant, UCI Writing Project 3. What clues did the author give of how thestory would end? 4. What is point of view? (Teach thisconcept if the students You never really understand a person until you consider cannot derive a good definition.) things f r o m his point o f view... until you climb into his 5. From whose point of view was thestory written? skin and walk around in it. 6. What is the mother's point of view toward Charles'sbehavior? 7. How did the author use the mother's point of view? from Harper Lee's To Milo Mockingbird ThirdDiscuss the students' personal experiences. I want my students to be able to transfer Atticus I.How do you feel about starting school,a new job, or Finch's advice to his daughter in To Kill summer camp? a Mocking- 2. What conflicts do you have with teachers? bird! to their reading of Arthur Miller's playThe Cru- 3. Have you ever covered up by creatinga "friend" to blame for cible.2 I want them to identify with John andEliza- something you did that was wrong? Doyou test your friends' beth Proctor, Abigail Williams, Reverend Parris,and or your parents' reactions before you tell the truth? the others to the point that theycan feel what it was 4. What is acceptance? Why does it motivate us? like to be a Puritan. Moreover, Iwant them to know FourthTeach the friendly letter form. that the same fears that caused these peopleto become FifthPresent the written assignment. fanatics, making them believe that they hadsome con- I.Pretend you are either your motheror your father. trol over the uncontrollable,are still motivating peo- 2. Write a letter to yourself fromone of your parent's points of ple today. view. 3. Use the proper friendly letter format. SixthRead five or six papers aloudto the class, and make The students must look into comments about what was effective in the writing. the character's fears and Suggested follow-up activities: motivations to deterMine I.Discuss how the students perceive theirparents. why this person's actions 2. Discuss insights the studentsmay have about their parents were justifiable in terms of after experiencing their point of view. his or her values. a. What do you do that annoys your parents? b. What do you do that worries your parents? JULIE SIMFkM c. How can you please your parents? d. Do you feel accepted by your parents? e. How can you help your parents to understand your point I believe that underlying Arthur Miller's criticisms of view? of the actions of the witch hunters, he hasa sense that 3. Have the students give the letter theywrote to their parents, these people of Salem were living the best and ask them to respond, taking the student's point way they of view. could in the world as they saw it. Virtuallyevery char- On the whole, this iihs beena successful assignment acter reaches a point when, because of some personal for me because my students have beenmotivated to sense of inadequacy, he or she panics. Some exploit write fluently, to lean: the letter form, andto expe- this panic to give themselvespower. These people rience the point of view of anotherperson and to become self-righteous toward others and attemptto describe it in their writing. destroy them through a false representation of goodness. To appear in control, others try to become a part of the fanatical crowd and condone the manipulations of power. Still others, the stronger,overcome their Achilles'exists only throughHomer. Take personal fears and sacrifice themselves for what they away the art of writing from this world, consider a higher value. and you will probably takeaway its glory. FRANcOIS REA& CHATEAUAIAND 'Harper Lee, To Kill a Mockingbird. New York. Harper & Row Pubs., Inc., 1960. 2Arthur Miller, Collected Plays, Vol. I. New York. Viking Press, Inc., 1957.

121 I ask the class members to consider theirown Inter- personal relationships: Good writing is disciplined talking. JAMES BOSnu. Think of a time when you have hurtsomeone you love. What did you do to regain hisor her affection? How carefully did you planyour actions and comments? How long did it take for things to become This examination of fear and theways we handle it normal again? make Arthur Miller's play more than merelyan his- Have you ever Ic st trust in someone you love? How torical account of the witchcraft trials of Salem,Mas- did your behavior with thatperson change? How were sachusetts, or a sociological attackon paranoia. you able to regain that trust? To enable the students to understand thecharac- For Act III, which deals with thepower of heresay ters, we first read the play aloud in class. Igo over and rumor, I pose the following questions: Arthur Miller's explicit introductions of the various Think of a rumor you heard recently. At themoment characters and (with considerable guidance) ask the of your hearing it, what did you believe? Who had students to choose who they want to be. controlthe one who spread the rumoror the one Then I give all of my studentsa list of questions to about whom the rumor was spread? consider after they select their respectiveparts and How can you stop a rumor that, has damagedyour prepare to give a dramatic presentation ia class. The reputation? questions, which follow,are designed to help the stu- Would you lie or go against some firm beliefyou hold dents examine their chosen character's fears, findeach to save the one you love? situation that causes panic, and understandhow the Finally, for Act IV, when John Proctor hasto character copes with fears and panic: decide to die for truth rather than to livea lie, I urge What does your character think of himselfor herself? the students to look wiitin themselves and examine What is he or she most afraid of? their own beliefs and convictions: What does he or she think of the people of Salem? Can you think of any situation or idea that is impor- What behavior or belief shows that heor she is a good Puritan? tant enough to you that you would die for it? What decision does he or she face? After we finish reading and discussing the play, I What several choices does he or she have? ask the students to think as their character would and Why does your character makea particular choice? write an explanation, in the character'sown words, (Deciding not to choose is alsoa choice.) about the reason for his or her choice. (Theymay Why does your character believe that hisor her choice select any form of writing and write toany audience is right? they think most appropriate for their character.) The Does your character consider theconsequences when he or she make a choice? students must write from the assumption that the Does your character's choice change hisor her personality or values at all? Of course, we discuss the playas we read it. I preface each discussion with short writing and discussion problems that make the students consider real-life decision-making situations. For example, in Act I when the girls are caught conjuring in the forest, they become hysterical and finally accuse Tituba ofbewitch- ing them. To help the students with the assignment,I give the following prompts: Think of a time when you were caught doingsome- thing you were strictly forbidden to do. What didyou do to get yourself out of trouble? Think of someone you resent. Writea paragraph explaining what this personsays and does that make you feel he or she is out to get you. Describe a situation whenyou got carried away in a crowd and did something you wouldnot have done had you been alone. For Act H, to further the students' understanding of the relationship between Elizabeth and John Proctor,

122 character behaved in the best way heor she possibly could. Thus, the students must look into the character's fears and motivations to determine why thisper- One way to approach point son's action were justifiable in terms of his or her of view is through an eye- values. witness account based on a The students are enthusiastic about this activity. familiar situation. Consequently, the papers they writeare often the MARK REARDON most perceptive, the most creative, and the most detailed ones they write allyear. They feel that they have stood in their character's skin and walked around for a while. at the characters' actions, feelings, and thoughts, much as we have done with these improvisations." To help the students identify immediately withthe characters of the story, especially with the characters' actions, feelings, and thoughts, I leadmy class through he New Kid two guided imagery journal writings as part of the precomposing stage. The first guided imagery hasthL By main Reardon students recall a time when theywere bullied: Teacher, cardenhill Elementary School, Recall atime when you were bulliedor picked on by Norwalk. La Mirada Unified School District; someone who was perhaps older, stronger, or smarter. and Teacher/Consultant, UCI 'Writing Project This experience should stand out clearly inyour mind. It may have happened at. school, in class, ina line, One way to approach point of view is throughan in a store, or on a street. eyewitness account. I use the shortstory, "The New Now that you have this experience inyour mind, recall Kid," by Murray Heyert, focusingon the event where specific details, such as the place, time, sounds,and the main character, Marty, and thenew kid are forced so forth. into a fight by their peers.' Remember the person's words, tone of voice, facial Prior to reading the selection, students, whoare expressions, the look in his or her eyes, attitude, and formed into groups, cluster the word bully, focusing so forth. on motives, attitudes, and personality traits. These Repeat the entire episode in your mind. clusters are shared by each group's spokespersonas Now, focus on your feelings. Remember howyour Iwrite the ideas on butcherpaper, which can be nerves, heart, and skin felt. Recall your thoughts. referred to later. Perhaps you spoke aloud. Hear what you said. Knowing the power of creative dramatics, I involve Now, recall the entire episodeonce again in your mind. the students in improvisations as the next step in Asif the inc;dent were a journalentry, have students prewriting. Volunteers are solicited to participate in write about the time they the following sketches: were bullied. When the students are finished, have them makea list of their Students gathered around a lockeras a person feelings during and after the experienceanof their walks by and slams the locker door shut reactions, both emotional and physical. Here isan A school lunch line whensomeone cuts in example: A private game in whicha person steals the ball A person or persons who willnot let someone FEELINGS be part of a game or group REACTIONS During After Emotional Physical As these improvisations unfold, I freeze the actions scared embarrassed et ied knot in stomach and ask the characters to tell what theyare thinking nervous threatened yelled tense and feeling. These wordsare added to a "Thinking- swore Feeling" list. At this point, I share this portion of theprompt Havestudents share their journal entry with the class. with my students: "We will be readinga story about In the second guided imagery, I havemy students a bully in a situation you may find to be familiar. recall a time when they were the bullies: As we read the short story, you will be looking closely Recall atime when you were a bully, when you picked 'Murray Heyert, "The New Kid" in Stories. Edited by Frank G. Jen- on or intimidated someone because you were tougher, nings and Charles Catlin.NetsYork. liacuurt Brice Jorunich, Inc., smarter, or older. This should be an experience that 1957. stands out clearly in your mind.

123 attitudes, feelings, antitraits arc listed lor each. W read the first three pages, focusing If thereweee tift un Marty and Lduic of wrkiag, it would be and the boys. Through ,henext three pages, we look -notbbigmor. e or-kslgkin 04,0O I feel- for additional materialon Marty and Eddie and the inethe art°Paine*art Ofhelifig, boys and begin, with the introduction ofthe new kid, tittered of uthei Otke saber. to fill in words for this category. The remainingpages '"\\\ .RshaDE004.1RNONT reveal the incident between Marty and,he new kid. We add to the observation chart,especially noting feelings and actions to help studentsbetter understand why the characters did what they did. Now that you have remembered that experience,recall After reviewing the prompt, the students writean the settingplace, time, ands, ands. Hear what people eyewitness account of the incident betweenMarty and were saying; see what they were doing. the new kid. They write froma third-person point of Listen to what you said,your tone of voice. Think view in the first part of theirpaper as they describe about your attitude. the incident. Then they move into first-personreaction Sec what you did. during the second part of theirpaper when telling why Replay the entire episode in your mind. they think Marty did what he did, andthey reflect Now, focus on your feelings. Remember whatyou did. on what they learned from observing the incident. Remember what your body felt like,your heart, your One to two classdays arcgiven to write the first nerves. Focus on how the experience madeyou feel. draft. One day is given for studentsto share those Recall your thoughts. drafts with their responsegroups. Members of each Now, replay the entire episodeonce again in your group complete a response sheet that includes what, mind. win', and how sections. (See the "Sharing/Respond- As if this experience werea journal entry, have ing" section of this book for suggestionson writing- students write about it. When theyare finished, have response groups.) Students write specific descriptive them make lists as before. Have students alsoshare responses to the writer's description of theevent this experience with the class. (what), the writer's reason for Marty's action(why), Up to this point, the students have been writing and their perceptions of how the incident affectedthe from the first-person point of view. To help themmove writer (how). from that standpoint to third-personobservation, I assign the following showing,not telling, sentence! "The person was a bully." Theyare to include the person's actions, attitudes, and feelings, creatinga half to three-quarter page vivid description that leadsthe reader to conclude that theperson was indeed a bully. Before reading the selection, I share theremainder of the prompt with the students: Afterreading the short story "The New Kid,"you will re-create the bully incident that occurred between the main character, Marty, and thenew kid. You will want to create an accurate account of what happened by being precise, vivid, and detailed so thatsomeone who has never read the st-Jry will have a clear picture of the A. ncident. By not being directly involved,you are in a good position to understand why thisperson did what he or she did. After re-creating this incident, tell the reader why you think Marty did what he did.Include what Marty was possibly thinking and feeling. Finally, tell your reader what you learned from observingthe incident. Weread the story in three parts, with close reading for actions, attitudes, feelings, and traits ofeach of the characters: Marty, Eddie and the boys,and the new kid. We use an observation sheet (seethe accompanying illustration), with each of the characters listed as a major category. Subcategoriesof actions,

124 Observation Sheet for "The New Kid" Reader/ Writer Observations

of Marty of Eddie and the boys of the new kid Actions Altitudes Feelings Trails Actions Altitudes Feelings Tr s Actions Altitudes Feelings Trails

1 3 7 125 I provide time in class for revision andencourage students to make use of the comments 2A 2 paper contains all the features ofa 3 paper, but on their it is not as strong in details. It givesreasons for Ivlarty's response sheets and to pay careful attention to the actions, but it is weak in supporting them with examples' specifics of the prompt. I alsouse this day to work of Marty's possible thoughts and feelings. with individual students. 1A 1 paper is missing the basic features neededfor an Before the papers are turned in formy evaluation, eyewitness account. It lacks description,reasons for students form into read-around groups and evaluate actions, or a personal response to theevent. papers using a holistic scoring guide like the one that follows: Secondary Trait Scoring Primary Trait Scoring 2 A 2 paper follows conventions ofproper grammar and 3 A 3 paper clearly ani logically describes the syntax, margins, paragraph structure, spelling, capital- event, ization, and end punctuation. explains why the writer thinks thepersons did what they did, and considers the significance of thisevent 1 A 1 paper has minor errors in the conventionsnamed for the writer. It: previously. 0 A 0 paper has gross errors in the previouslylisted Re-creates an accurate account of the bully incident conventions. between Marty and the new kid, using vivid, precise description Basing an eyewitness accounton a familiar Gives reasons for Marty's actions basedon his situation, such as a peer-induced fight,proves very possible thoughts and feelings motivating. Students identify easily with thecharac- Responds with an evaluation of what the writer ters, adding to their depth and insightas they move learned from observing the event from third-person observation to first-personreaction.

126 -

The Reawakening of Curiosity: Research Papersas Hunting Stories By Ken Macrorie Professor Emeritus of English Western Michigan University

We need to smile at what we and our students have so the / affects all conventional research papers inside been doing in the name of research all theseyears. and outside school, although that straight-standing, Repeated several times in almost every student's edu- cocky little word seldom appears in the writers' texts. cational career, the assignment toprepare a research Since I published a whole book on the I-Search paper may produce a full-fledged dunderhead, which called Searching Writing in June, 1980, I rarely speak according to my Webster's New World Dictionary, of the idea publicly now, but teachers wantto tell me comes from the Dutch donder, meaning thunder of their own and their students' sense of newfound associated by rhyme with blunder. That isa fascinat- freedom in writing papers which recorda search that ing chain: The new word has lost all relation with has had meaning for them. For example, Bernadette thunderhead and fits the writer of a conventional M. Glaze, a Teacher-Consultant at the Northern Vir- research paper, who makesno great sound or light n ginia Writing Project, wrote an 18-page, single-spaced the sky. I cannot think of a righter word than blun- story of teaching I-Search papers in American civili- derer to describe the conventional student reseachers zation at Lake Braddock Secondary School in Burke, staggering through the card catalog and the stacks Virginia. I call her report a "story" because itwas with their 3" x 5" cards, copyingpassages from books written in the narrative form of an I-Searchpaper, and journals they do not understand,as if they were boring test holes and removing core samples from the heals of authors. When I first broached these notions to teachers Happy.MEMO wko'can search -out around the country a few years ago, Iwas met by the Causes of things. laughter and squeals of agreement. I found thatmany VIRGIL high school and college teachers, out ofanger and frustration, had asked students to do something like what I call an I-Search paper. Iuse the term I Search proceeding naturally from: (1) what she knew and did rather than research not to convey that thispaper is not know about her topic when she started out; to written to search an I or me, tocome to "know one- (2) what she wanted to find out; to (3) thestory of her self," but rather to remind the reader and writer that search; to (4) what she learned. The point of using this there is an I doing the searching and writing who archetypal story pattern in reports and researchpa- affects the bend and quality of truth in the work. And pers is that it shows the reader where the writer is

139 127 she does not need to cultivatea voice. It is there. 4140emPtfAce.q4. Teachers who have assigned I-Searchpapers, includ- aift.1410041 OW* ing me, have been pleasantlyshocked by the excellence of the writing. Almostnever do we detect pla- but se-004:4411imiiiiput, giarism, because the project is weightedso heavily RODERTAERRICK toward reporting the writer's searchingsand talks with authorities. And almostnever do we find Engfah coming from, whether it bea storehouse of experience (the pretentious word-wasting dialect ofschool) in the car the height of naivete, and thus enables paper. For example, a mother returning to school the reader wrote: better to judge the course and conclusionsof the writer. In Bernadette Glaze's report she quotessome students' I wonder if becoming an R.N. is worth disruptingour answers to her question (delivered before shereturned family life for two years. Jason is onlytwo years old, and I would really love to be able the graded I-Search papers):"What would you tella to stay home with him. Preteenage Vanessa frequently needs rising eleventh grader aboutI-Search?" Here are two a mother around, students' responses: and my husband has often said he didn'tmarry to exchange notes on the refrigerator. This paper is essentiallya story of how and what you're finding out about a topic. There are three poles in the I-Search:the student searcher, the authorities to be consulted,and the per- It sounds like a lot to doan I-Search paper. Just forget sons likely to read the paper. What determines about how long the final form willbe; in fact, don't the even think about it. First think of validity and appropriateness of thematerial discov- a subjectnot just ered and reported is the particular any subject but something that really interestsyou. needs of the Pick your subject withcare, one that you don't know searchers. Once theirreasons for searching, their everything about. Then start the fun!See how creative requirements, and their degree of knowledgeare put you can get trying to figure new and differentways of down on paper, then what they give thereader from searching out your topic. Afteryou find something the authorities they have consultedor interviewed is o' t, write it so you don't forget details. It's awfulhard chargedcarries a current that lightsa particular to sit down and write your whole searchafter you're lamp. No readers will be likely to think thatthe find- done. Write a few sentences here andtherebefore ings are supposed to illuminate all oftheir world, or you know it, you'll be done. aememberto keep a all of the world of others. Properly record of your sources. directed, the I- Search is an exercise in intellectualmodesty, a charac- Another teacher, Susan Bussard,a Fellow of the teristic of most of the great inquirers. Northeast Texas Writing Project,described in the The form of the I-Search enterprise isancient, in journal English in Texas (spring, 1981)her experience some ways prehuman, like an animal hunting. "Tell teaching the I-Searchpaper, and she quoted students' the story of the hunt" is the instruction.Pompous responses. One student noted, "The people I inter- ill-founded generalizing must be broughtinto such a viewed liked the idea because theyknew I was really paper by a great act of will. These kinds ofstatements interested." Another recommendedthat "the I-Search are not inherent in the narrative of a quest dominated should be mandatory foreveryone to write at least by face-to-face encounters with humanbeings talking once in life." about things dear to them. Again and again, the wordsfun and easy comeup One of Bernadette Glaze's studentssaid, "This in students' comments. Thesewords are not dignified paper was a new experience in writing. It wasn't hard enough for the conventional aims ofeducation, although Alfred North Whiteheadwrote a great deal about pleasure in his book The Aimsof Education,' and the powerful searchers I havetalked with outside school frequently speak of the fun theyare having. Most of the I-Searchpapers I have read frommy classes and those of otherteachers from around the country are easy and organic in formand have one authentic voice. The assignmentcarries with it a natural form that comes easilyto a searcher. And since the assignment is the story of thewriter in action, heor

'Alfred North Whitehead,The Aims of Education.New York: Free Press, a Division of Macmillan Publishing Co.,Inc., 1967. 1 0 at all. Once I started writing, everything flowed right out. It sounded natural because I just wrote what I thought without having to translate into a higher vocabulary bracket." An uneasy teacher might say, "But isn't that what school is forto extend the use of students' language beyond the conversational?" I am reminded of a paper I saw one summer by a visitor to the Teaching Writing Program at the Bread Loaf School of English, where I was teaching. In it, Roger Shuy of Georgetown University pointed out that children learn to speak in stages, from intimate cooing with mother to casual and consultative talk and, eventually, to formal language. But in writing instruction in schools, children are expected immediately to jump to the formal level without first using the vernacular in narrative or in dialogue or in a special form Jana Staton of the Center for Applied Lin- guistics in Washington calls "complaining." To write in their own voices about things that count in their lives is surely the basic step for students learning to write. ingful search grows from seeds in the writer's life, Some I-Searchers have learned a great deal but which need to be revealed immediately to the reader. have been content with one good source. They needed Perhaps the writer's father and mother have just to search for several opposing views so that they battled rawly over the presence of a gun in their would face the challenge of deciding among differing house. Or a boy has a collection of firearms, and his experts' opinions. But even this group has learned priest has told him he should get rid of it. Where there more from their searches than do most writers of con- is no genuine need or itch to know, the search will be ventional research papers. half-hearted or desultory and the paper vague and Almost all the other weaknesses in papers, of what- Engfishy. ever topic, have been traceable to an initial failure of The search must answer a question that fits the I students to choose a topic that represented a need who began it. In that particularity, then, the searching rather than simply an interest. I believe this to be the becomes thoughtful and the findings refined. The crucir.1 and most difficult point in aiding students to enterprise begins to parallel, if not to match, the carry out an I-Search. The teacher must not allow an hardheaded search of a professional. One of the most idle interest to become the motive for a search. fascinating experiments in I-Search writing was car- "Something you need to find out in your life, however ried out by Glenn Irvin, a Director of the Northeast small or large," should be the ruling passion. But a Texas Writing Project. After his students had com- teacher must persuade rather than dictate, for at the pleted I-Search papers, he asked them to remove the I same time freedom to go after what counts for the and all personal details and experiences and to write a writer rather than for the teacher is one of the pivots second version as a conventional research paper. As on which tne whole project swings. the papers grew more abstract in statement, they In reading papers written by my own students and became markedly shorter, and to my mind, lost their those of many other teachers, I have usually been able authority as well as liveliness. My first reaction was to tell in the first paragraph whether or not the paper fright: Did this prove that the original I-Search pa- will be strong. "I've always been interested in hand- pers, shorn of their personal qualities, were embarass- guns and so thought I would investigate the current ingly superficial? After sleeping on that question 2nd controversy on banning and registering guns" does looking again at the papers Glenn Irvin had sent me, I not sound like the beginning of a powerful I-Search decided that the exercise proved something different: paper. Such a beginning is usually composed by a that conventional student research papers and I- student making the conventional school response to Search papers without all the hopes, fears, attitudes, an assignmentguessing what the teacher wants him and experience of the I in them are half reports or less. or her to be interested in. Or the student may be fol- In the time available to high school and college lowing the long traditions of phony.scholarly detach- freshman classes, students cannot thoroughly search a ment and not revealing his or her true needs. A mean- question or subject so as to speak authoritatively on

1 el 1 129 it. In research paper assignmentswe are teaching stu- much teacher or student dents to pretend to unqualified authority response to that considerable and to pre- part of the book, and I would liketo receive more tend to have discovered somethingvaluable (when comments. almost all of them know they have not). Ihave always My most recent book, Twenty thought that if one is to look Teachers (Oxford at a whole book or a University Press, 1985), ismy I-Search into the ques- long magazine article andexcerpt material from it tion, "What is excellence in teaching?" alone to present tosomeone else, the act is a charade. For all the responses to the I-Search Lest anyone who has not read Searching project, I Writing thank hundreds of teachers in thecountry. We have think that I am saying that the efforttoward objectiv- found that students donot have to approach a ity is not valuable, I want tostress that I speak rather research project with aversion against the extreme detachment from or numbness. We do one's subject not have to teach them to labor ata work that counts and the pretense of absolute objectivitycharacteristic for no one, while investing it with of many student and professional clumsily crafted research reports. In trappings of serious and consequentialhuman inmy chapters about the Oxford English Dictionary, the quiry. Rather than killing theircuriosity, we can Encyclopaedia Britannica, the Reader'sGuide to reawaken it by enabling themto produce searching Periodical Literature, Noah Websterand Samuel writing that both we and theycan respect. Johnson, and the history of spelling, Itried to break down students' hatred of the school library by show- EDITOR'S NOM For further informationon the I-Search paper, see ing that the people whose referenceworks they Ken Macrorie's book Searching Writing,published in 1980 by Hayden encounter there were frail and inconsistent Book Company, Inc.; and distributed byBoynton-Cook Publishers, P.O. at times, Box 860, Upper Montclair, NJ 07043. brilliant and accurate at others. I havenot yet had I'

Adapting the A knowledge o, the acceptedforms of writing research I-Search Paperfor the Th.. habit of testing facts anddrawing conclu- Elementary Classroom sic.is A new approach suggested by By Anita Freedman Ken Macrorie, Allan Edwards, Iris Tiedt, and others isthe I-Search paper. Teacher, Fairhaven Elementary School, Here are some ideas for using theapproach in the Orange Unified School District; third grade and above. and Teacher /Consultant, UCI Writing Project Before you begin, besure your students are ready. Can they write expositoryparagraphs? Expository paragraphs, in contrast to whatwe commonly call Nothing is more scandalous in school andcolleges creative writing, must be tightly than what we call "writing a research paper." constructed. A topic sentence and two or more sentencesto back up the KEN MACRORIE topic sentence are required. Remember the old saying, "Copy fromone a'athor Dr. Tiedt suggests that teachers and it's plagiarism; ask their students copy from several and it's a to write five "I think" statements. Forexample: research paper." Well, it is still true. We think we are I think purple is a beautiful color. teaching students how to do research whenall we are I think my brother should actually showing them is how to assemble get a haircut. scattered I think Mork and Mindywas a good television program. pieces of information. It is timeto redefine our goals I think we should havea school cafeteria. and change our methods. We needto start at the I think dogs make better pets thancats. beginning, in the elementary school,where we first tackle making a report. After writing these statements, eachstudent chooses What are our objectives when one to develop into a paragraph. The firstsentence we assign reports? becomes the topic sentence that is We are trying to helpour students develop: then followed by sentences supporting the statement madeby the The ability to recognize responsiblesources of author. information and ideas Then, work with these formalparagraphs in differ- The ability to distinguish between fact and opinion ent ways so that your students becomefamiliar with

130 142 encyclopedia will not appeal in the students' papers TOO* ikilhefrOwit vaices arbout things when this plan is followed. w lives is surely An I-Search topic has to be of high interest to the child, yet in our crowded curriculum, we often feel we #01,10:**1 WO (OSidiei must cover certain topics. We can combine the two demands. For example, instead of assigning the topic Indians, let the children tell about the tribe to which them and write themAsily. Have your students re- they would like to belong. Perhaps someone willrewrite their paragraphs, placing the topic sentence at port on why he or she would not like to be an Indian. the end. Using the chalkboard, help the class develop The children can write about whatever region you paragraphs together. Duplicate and distribute to your are studying in social studies and share with the class, class paragraphs taken from articles, and discuss the "I would like to live in...," and give their personal way the authors developed them. Find selections in reasons for wishing to do so. In my class we talk about your textbooks, and go over them with the class. what qualities we want where we live, make a class list Now you are ready to start the I-Search paper. together, and duplicate it for each child. One class There are three steps to developing this paper: studying the Southeast had astounding results with this approach: Jill wrote to her grandmother for 1. Identifying a problem to be studied more 2. Searching for information information about Miami, and Glen wrote to all of his relatives in Atlanta for firsthand facts. The children 3. Writing the report did thorough research on amusement parks and As a prewriting exercise, each student can write beaches, the number of school days in the year, and several statements beginning with, "I would like to what kinds of jobs their parents could get. Blair chose know. ." These can be written about anything at all Washington, D.C., because, "My mom could take my or specifically related to a topic the class is studying. brother to the hospital for his special treatments. They After writing four or more statements, the students have excellent hospitals there [he listed some]. And choose one topic that interests them. This warm-up my dad could be President." activity stimulates thinking and assures students of When American history is taught, each childcan having the key ingredient of the I-Search paper: find- research his or her own family. Parents and grandpar- ing a problem which they can get involved in. ents may appreciate the results. "Why My Family Next, show students how to find information. Take them to the library so that they can investigate different reference books. Help them with the use of ency- clopedias, atlases, almanacs,'Kbiographies, and the card catalog. Perhaps the library has a picture file or filmstrips available for them. Teach older boys and girls how to use the Reader's Guide to Periodical Literature. However, do not stop with the use of the library. Give the students practice in interviewing, in using the telephone book and then in telephoning resource people, and in writing letters to obtain information. Suggest sources for finding people who may be helpful to the students. Here is a format for the actual report that elementary school students can follow: 1. Statement of the problem: What did I want to know? 2. Procedures followed: How did I find the information? 7t!' 3. Summary of findings: What did I learn? Came to the United States" or "Why All My Neigh- 4. Conclusion: What will I do with this information? bors Moved to California" would interest many rein,. - Do not forget to have the students practice notetaking tant writers, as would "Why Orange County Is a and to guide them in writing their final report, Great Place to Live." Career education can be the All of this preparation will enable the students to source for much research when the children write tackle a report with confidence; the structure will about what they want to be. Science fits in with "My guide them, and most important of all, they will learn Trip to Outer Space" (or "Under the Sea. ."). A how to do actual researcii. Pages copied from the health unit could get the class involved in checking

1 e-N 131 school lunch habits or exerciseprograms among the and make loud, obnoxious adults they question. Students might comments about anything also enjoy research- and everything that wenton in my classroom. ing a favorite holidayor solving a local problem. However, because Scott directed hishostility pri- Other suggestions are "My FavoriteSport," "How the marily toward the other students, Students in Our School Feel About he was actually eas- Mathematics," ier to deal with than theones who considered school a "What We Watch on Television,"or "The History of boring war with the teacherprivate Our Street." The topics enemy number are endless, limited only by one. The ones who were openly defiant, who called the interests of the children. me names under their breath, who accusedme of losing The information the studentsgather in the I-Search should be shared with the their work, who threwtantrums ic confronted by their class and perhaps with unacceptable behaviorthesewere the ones I lost other classes as well. I often publishthe I-Search pa- sleep over. As this was pers in a class or a school newspaper, my first year of teaching, I or I send them found that all my ideals and enthusiasm to the local paper or magazine. I about "the may display them on learning experience" seemed a bulletin board, bind several for the school to be getting lost under library, or this issue of control. I foundmyself feeling confused, feature the reports duringopen house for parents. In one way or another, I make angry, somewhat powerless, and totally outragedover sure that the research this onslaught of emotionalbehavior. I could not serves a purpose other than being readand graded by imagine how or why I the teacher. I want the students was allowing this group of to become so involved thirteen-year-olds to terrorize that their searchoecomes an end in itself, and my life, but one thing I my did know was that teaching couldbe an intense and evaluation is confirmation ofwork well done. The often painful experience. password in this form ofa research paper is I. When I decided to doan I-Search paper along with my eighth grade English class, a topic readily occurred to me: frustration in teaching. After decidingto go on a quest of my own, I identified three questionsthat I knew I needed someanswers to: My Search 1. What made the studentsshow so many negative behaviors? By Laurie Opfell 2. What mademe respond in stress-producing Former English Teacher, Irvine High ways? School; Teaching 3. What could I do Assistant, Department of English,University of Kentucky; to handle their behaviormore and Teacher/Consultant, UCIWriting Project constructively? As I went through the various Scott was a teacher's nightmare. stages of the search, I He did not walk found myself enjoying theopportunity to find some into a room; he pushed, shoved,and kicked his way in, leaving behind solutions to problems thatwere bothering me. I inter- a wake of at least five outraged viewed the school counselor students, who reacted by howling and the assistant princi- and throwing their pal on the topics of copingwith student behavior, books at him or runningto tell me. He was constantly understanding games the studentsplay, and maintain- stealingpens, backpacks, teachers'editions of textbooks, or the coffee ing discipline in class. Iwas quite pleased to get some creamer. He was not selective. humorous and practical advice Since in all the time I knew him that really worked. 1 he never once didan studied various psychologists'views on adolescent assignment, he naturally hada great deal of spare time behavior and gained to throw spitwads, make nasty suggestions some relevant information. After to the girls, typing my research, I read itand tried to decide what to say in my conclusion. I found that I had an4w/redeach of my questions but that, in Ole The,bestleachOWol teachers are other process, I had learned some fairly teachers, 4,1** belie000e* disturbing thing, about myself.One was the concept consultants, that we dislike most in otherswhat is also hidden becaAte#,Oriffrat and the4pecific teaeh- somewhere in ourselves. Thismeant that the emo- 144 EtiategiekiflOy demonstrate4(00 been tional, irrational, attention-gettingbehavior of the developed Withrgrit *dents students was also there, insome form, in myself. This in t'eatclassrodpo. was an uncomfortable idea that I hadto admit was .lAMESR GRAY true. I also learned that adolescents whoshow especially outrageous behaviorare often stuck at a painful stage in the growth process. Insome ways being stuck

132 was something I could look back and see in my own life. Finally, I learned that all adolescents are expected to answer the questions who am I? and where am I going? to reach successful maturity. These are difficult questions that I realized I had not answered myself. I 006.4 194t came away from the finished report feeling that there Jamul were some important unfinished issues still left to be dealt with. But I was now better able to deal with them. I had gained a new self-awareness and a sense of compassion for the struggles of my students. When I compare my first year of teaching in an intermediate school to this year, I realize that I still have a few Scotts and a few who direct their rebellion at me, but somehow they do not seem intimidating. I know that it is my search that has made the difference.

ASample Prompt, nition of research as a "patient study and investigation Scoring Guide, and in some field of knowledge, undertaken to establish facts and principles" leaves out "the basic motivation Model Paper for the I-Search for the whole effort" (Searching Writing, p. 162). My students are rarely patient about anything. I would By Carol Booth Olson rather have them get so involved in a topic that they Codirector, UCI Writing Project launch their search for information in several different directions simultaneously than have them become I first learned about the I-Search paper at a Cali- bored before they begin, cl.agging their bodies down fornia Writing Project Conference in Monterey. Allan to the library, simply going through the motions of Edwards, a Consultant from the Redwood Writing searching. Because the students have a stake in this paper, I find that after the initial excitement of getting Project, had been experimenting with the concept thrt Ken Macrorie would introduce later that year in a started, they will sit down and take an objective look book called Searching Writing. He was so excited at what needs to be done and avail themselves of all about the results he was getting that I decided to try the accessible secondary sources. the idea. Based on Allan Edward's handouts and on Ken What I like best about the I-Search assignment is Macrorie's book, I developed a prompt describing the that it encourages research that the student conducts I-Search paper, which I distribute to students along out of a genuine need to know. So often, the tradi- with a scoring guide delineating criteria for evalua- tional research paper is a passive enterprise in which tion, and a model student paper. Samples of all three the student merely analyzes and restates the results of items follow. someone else's intellectual inquiry, an inquiry that he A Sample Prompt or she may have no personal involvement in. When I think of research, I think of more than a visit to the THE I-SEARCH PAPER card catalog and weekends spent in the library stacks. DESCRIPTION I think of firsthand activities like writing letters, The I-Search paper is designed to teach the writer and making telephone calls, initiating face-to-face interviews, the reader something valuable about a chosen topic and and going on field tripssupplemented by the valuable about the nature of searching a. si discovery. As opposed to information that can be obtained from pertinent the standard research paper which the writer usually journals and books. assumes a detached and objective stance, the I-Search I agree with Ken Macrorie that the dictionary defi- paper allows you to take an active role in your search, to hunt for facts and truths firsthand, and to provide a step-by-step record of the discovery process. EDITOR'S NOTE: For a more detailed account of how to implement the I-Search concept in the classroom, see this author's article, "Personalizing TOPIC Research in the I-Search Paper," in the November, 1983, issue of the Arizona English Bulletin. Portions of this commentary have been re- The cardinal rule of the 1-Search paper is to choose a printed from that article. topic that genuinely interests you and that you need to

145 133 know more about. Youmay want to research teenage alcoholism, whether to peer pressure is the primecontributing factor. pursue a second career in interior quently, you might Conse- design, the effects of divorce want to propose thatan alcoholism on the American family, the awareness and prevention pros and cons of several popular diets,and so forth. The program, including peer counsel- important point is that ing sessions, be institutedin the public school you choose the topic you will inves- early as the sixth grade. system as tigate rather than havingthe instructor selecta topic or even provide a number of options. BIBLIOGRAPHY At the close of thereport, attach a formal listing the sources bibliography you consulted to writeyour I-Search 1,, paper. 4fleaniogful. *04hgrows from seeds, in 4041' 0 :OtiO ,revealed *to the "reader. A Scoring Gui KENMACRORIE 9-8 This paper is clearlysuperior. Itis well-written, clearly organized, insightful,and technically correct. A 9-8 paper exhibitsmost or all of the following FORMAT characteristics: The I-Search paper should Writing the paperwas a genuine learning experience be written in three sections: for the writer, and a (1) What I know,assume, or imagine; (2) The search; person would benefit greatly from (3) What I discovered. and reading the paper. The paper displays evidenceof critical thinking and What I know,assume, or imagine. Before conducting offers special insight into thetopic discussed. any formal research, write The topic lends itself to investigatior. a section in which you explainto and discovery. the reader what The paper is written in threesections. (The format may you think you know, whatyou assume, or be explicit or implicit): what you imagine aboutyour topic. For example, if decided to investigate you What I know,assume, or imagine (prior to the teenage alcoholism, you mightwant search) to offer some ideas about thecauses of teenage alcoholism, a The sear( sting knowledge, assumptions,or provide an estimate ofthe severity of theproblem, and conjecture through documented create a portrait of a typical research) teenage drinker, and soon. What I discovered (comparingwhat you thought you knew with what Th2 search. Testyour knowledge, assumptions,or con- you learned and offering jectures by researchingyour topic thoroughly. Consult commentary and conclusions) ful books, magazines, use- The author takesan active role rather than a passive newspapers, firms. tapes, and other role in the search. sources for information. WI,-.11 possible, interview people who are authorities The writer uses researcheffectively as a supplementto, on or familiar with your topic. but not as a substitute for, his If you were pursuing or her own ideas. a search on teenage alcoholism,you The paper's tone and pointof view convey a clear might want to check sense out a book on the subject, readseveral of the author's voice,or style. pertinent articles in a variety of current magazines,make an The writer uses prccise, apt,or descriptive language. appointment to visit The main points of the a rehabilita.:on center foralcoholics, essay are well-supported with attend a meeting of Al-Anonor Alcoholics Anonymous, examples. and consult an alcoholism The write.. uses ample transitionsbetween ideas, para- counselor. You might also aska graphs, and sections. number of teenagers fromdifferent ,ial and economic The writer varies sentence backgrounds what their firsthandexposure to alcohol has structure and length. The search portion of the esp..:properly documented been and whether theyperceive any alcoholproblems among their peers. with footnotes in correct fort. The paper includes referencesto a minimum of two Write your search in narrativeform, recording the steps primary and two secondary of the discovery research sources. process. Do not feel obligated to tellevery- The paper includes a formal bibliography. thing, but highlight thehappenings and factsyou uncov- The writer generally uses effectivelythe conventions of ered that were crucial to your hunt and contributedto your written English. understanding of the topic.Document all yoursources of 7 This paper is a thinner information, using formal version of the 9-8paper. A footnote form when it is appropriate. paper rated 7 is still impressive and What I discovered. After interesting, but it concluding your search,com- is less thoroughly researched,more loosely organized, pare what you thought you knew,assumed, or imagined less insightful, and not with what you actually as informative as the 9-8 discovered; and offersome personal paper. commentary and drawsome conclusions. For instance, after completing your search on teenage alcoholism,you might learn that theproblem is far moresevere and often e: This scoring guide can be modified begins at an earlier thi according to the grade level age than you formerly believed.You teach. For more infoimationon evaluation, see the last section of this L .ok and Chapter 5 of may have assumed that parentalneglect was a key factor in Improving Writing in CaliforniaSchools: the incidence of teenage Problems and Solutions, which theState Department of Education pub- alcoholism, but younow find that lished in 1983.

134 6-5 Scores of 5 or 6 apply to papers that are less well- 1 This score applies to a paper that is completely off handled than the 7, 8, or 9 paper. A 6-5 paper may track and has no redeeming qualities. be less interesting and informative, more superficially An extremely well-written and well-prepared paper may researched, and less insightful. It may contain prob- receive a rating of 10. If a paper has serious problems in the lems in the conventions of written English. A 6-5 conventions of written English that impair the writer's mes- paper will exhibit some or all of the following sage, it can receive up to a two-point deduction. characteristics: Writing the paper was a learning experience for the writer, but the paper is less informative than the 7, 8, or A Model Student Paper 9 paper, and thus, the lesson is less valuable for the Caren Rice, English IA (Olson) reader. Saddleback Community College, North Campus The paper does not display as much critical thinking or insight as the 7, 8, or 9 paper. CANINE PARVOVIRUS The paper is written in three sections, but they are not equally complete or well-handled. Just recently, I experienced the pain and trauma of The author does not seem genuinely involved in his or almost losing a ,loved pet. Mandy was only a four and her topic. one-half month old puppy when, on a Friday night in The writer may rely too heavily on the research rather October,,she was suddenly struc! with a severe illness. than use it to augment his or her own thoughts. The sickness first began with the loss of her appetite, The paper does not convey a clear sense of the author's followed by severe, convulsive vomiting. This went on voice or style. The language is not as descriptive, precise, or apt as for 24 hours, when I decided to call the emergency pet that of a 7, 8, or 9 paper. clinic. 'Mt mein points of the report are not as well-supported "What are the dog's symptoms?" asked the nurse. with examples a .hey might have been. "Constant vomiting, loss of appetite, and lethargy," I The three sections of the report are not tied together replied. effectively with transitions. "Does she have diarrhea?" The sentence structure and length need more variation. "No, not at all." The writer uses very few footnotes indicating that little "Oh, thank goodness! She isn't showing the symptoms research has been conducted, and the bibliography is of parvo. Just give her some Pepto Bismol, and she'll be sketchy. fine in a few hours." The paper does not refer directly to at least two pri- Well, Mandy was given the antacid, and she still wasn't mary and two secondary research sources. Some problems in the conventions of written English "fine." I thought perhaps that my eyes were betraying occur, but none that seriously impairs the message. me, liut in the short time that she had been sick, Mandy looked as if she had lost half of her weight. Her eyes were 4-3 These scores apply to papers that maintain the general idea of tilt. writing assignment, but they are weak in content, thought, language facility, or the conventions of written English. A 4-3paper will exhibit some or all of these characteristics: Writing the paper was not a genuine learningexpe- rience for the writer. A person would not benefit from reading the paper. The paper demonstrates little or no evidence of critical thinking. The paper is not written in three sections, or the sections do not follow the guidelines set up in the assignment's description. The writer either relies too heavily on research orcon- ducts very little, if any, research. The writer's "voice" does not come across. The language is vague and imprecise. The discussion is overly general or superficial. The main points are not supported with examples. The research sources are not documented in the bibliography or footnotes. The reader may have a problem understanding the paper. The paper has serious problems in the conventiolof written English that impair the writer's message. 2 This score applies to papers that do not follow the writing assignment and contain weakness of thepaper rated 4-3.

.14 7 135 bright red and to walk took all of her effort and strength. The other type of this disease iscardiovascular parvo- She refused to eat and drink. virus. This virus starts in the This was only the beginning arteries of the dog's heart of what was to be a sleep- and can kill the animal inas short a time as eight hours. less, heartsick week, andan eye-opener to the deadly Tht cardiac parvo is what usually strikes dog-killing disease known the very young as canine parvovirus. puppies. The chance of survivalof this form of parvo is What Is Parvo? almost zero. With a heavy heart anda guilty feeling, I took Mandy to the vet on Monday. I had heardof this disease and of the vPccine being givento ward it off. But I didn't take it 19741111412-' seriously enough. I assumedthat Mandy wouldn'tget 141. et parvo since all of our neighbors' dogshad been vacci- nated against the illness. Whereelse could she get it? Little did I know that Mandycould contract the disease just frzwo walking on the grass outside our door. Thiswas the beginning of my educationon parvovirus. Canine parvovirus was firstidentified at a Louisville, Kentucky, dog show in the springof 1978 and spread to other dog shows throughoutthe country.' As a result of these dog shows, the diseasesoon spread overseas to Europe and Australia. Parvowas thought to have been a mutation of cat distemper,though it did notseem to affect cats in thesame way. According to Dr. Martin t Levin, scientists of veterinarymedicine are still notsure what causes this almost always fatal :_1;sease.2 Before veterinarians and petowners became familiar The question remains: Howdid canine parvovirus with pamvirus, the mortality suddenly appear? The Australian rate reached 40 percent Veterinary Journal has among dogs with serious cases of the disease.5 Puppies suggested openly that a contaminatedbatch of vaccine under ten weeks and older dogs was responsible for the mutant virus? are the most vulnerable. Many doctors dis- Since parvo was first identified in thewarmer months agree with this theory because serialproduction lots of of spring and summer, it the vaccine are routinely monitored was hoped that perhaps cold by the U.S. Depart- weather would bring an end to the disease.But parvo ment of Agriculture, which hasyet to find a bad batch. proved to be a hardy virus, unaffected by Now we are back to the temperatures. same question: How did Parvo When this disease began to break suddenly appear? From what out in near epidemic I could gather at the clinic proportions, many pet owners kept theirdogs close to where Mandy was beingtreated, they still knowvery home, afraid that a trip to the vet might little about this disease. put a healthy animal in dangerous proximityto one carrying the Parvo and Its Cure virus.6 Most pet owners, suchas I, were naive to the fact By Tuesday, it was confirmed that Mandy definitely that the shoes we wore couldcarry the virus into the had parvo, and her chanceof survival was 15percent. house via contact with the feces of This really depressed an infected animal. me. I wanted to know why, what, Therapy is basically palliativedrugsto control vom- and how. I pressed the doctorfor more information. iting and diarrhea, and fluidsto prevent dehydration? "My knowledge is limitedon this disease," he told me. Without treatment, dogs often die of I asked him if he thought parvovirus within that Mandy would survive. three days. It is one of the quickestkillers of dogs Dr. Levin said that it was hardto determine. They knew known. that she had intestinal parvo, which if it could be calleda This was the therapy given to Mandy,as by Wednes- plus, was one. (Lay she still had not taken in any food or water, and her There are two known types ofcanine parvovirus. One weight was dropping rapidly. I kept inclose contact with is intestinal parvo. This virusgrows in the intestinal tract Dr. Levin, and he, in turn, informedme of the effects of of the dog, causing severe vomiting, loss of appetite, and the disease on her. Her conditionwas stable, and despite diarrhea.4 This can last for severalweeks before the dog loss of weight, there was a remote possibility dies of malnutrition and that she exhaustion. If the disease is wwld survive. After five days of being caught ina dark caught in its early stages, there isa chance of stoppirq, A tunnel, I could see a spot of light in the distance. from spreading further, anda good chance of saying the The best protection againstparvo is a new vaccine animal. Mandy had suffered withthe illness for 48 called parvocine. The lab that is producingit is working before I took her to the vet. around the clock, turning out1.5 million doses a month.s But there are 3 million doseson back order as titan Seligman, "A Viral Epidemic Withouta Cure," Newsweek, (August 19, clinics across the nationare operating at full capacity. 1980), 57. 'Martin Levin, Doctor of Veterinary Medicine,El Toro Animal Hospital, El Toro, Calif., December 1 1, 1980. 3 /bid. ' /bid. 'Mike Macheth,"Dogs, That Virus Is Still Loose,"MacLean:, (March 3, 1980) 14. 'Seligman, p, 57. 'Martin Levin, December 11, 1980. 'Seligman, p. 57.

136 148 The vaccine does not cause immunity to parvo. Boost- The I-Search Paper: er shots must be given every four to six months. It is not known just how effective the vaccine is, but there have A Perfect been fewer cases of illness in immunized dogs than in Compromise ones that went untreated. A Summary of Parvo By Norma Tracy By Thursday, Mandy began to show signs of recovery. English Instructor, California State University, Fullerton; She became more responsive to the treatment and ate a and Teacher /Consultant, UCI Writing Project small amount of food. I was told that if all went well, I could bring her home on Friday. I breathed a sigh of relief and thanked my lucky stars. Feeling somewhat guilty abut never having assigned Mandy was one of the fe,-! dogs that survived this a research paper to my students in English composi- ravaging disease. The symptoms were still in their early tion at California State University, Fullerton, because stages when I brought her in and, therefore, the disease of a lack of time and my own dread in having to read could be stopped from spreading further. When I picked the boring topics, I seized on Ken Macrorie's I-Search her up on Friday, she was extremely thin, having lcst paper as the perfect compromise. half of her weight. But Mandy was alive and very glad to Luckily for me and my students, Carol Olson's see me. handout (which is included in her commentary in this I can now reflect on the situation and realize how little section) was extremely clear-cut and complete. While we, as pet owners, know about our pets and their skimming the syllabus with my students on the first illnesses. We tend to take for granted that dogs are day of classes, I explained briefly that this paper (not always healthy and need no help from us when they are sick. I realize now just how severely harsh diseases can due until the last week of the course) would be a modi- affect our pets, especially when they cannot communi- fied research paper that would be explained in fuller cate their pain to us. detail with handouts and examples as the semester I am now well informed on canine parvovirus and progressed. I could see the raised eyebrows and hear through my own experience have learned a valuable les- the barely audible groans. Something about a research son. The vaccine only costs abou. $7 to $14, but I chose paper seemed to induce these predictable displays. not to buy it out of my own ignorance. Instead, I suf- Was I wrong in tackling this paper along with all the fered a week of fear at the thought of losing my dog and other required compositions? a bill from the vet totaling over $140. By the third or fourth week of the course, I spent time in class discussing the paper, read some examples of I-Search papers, and asked the students to begin seriously considering a topic, one which they knew comparatively little about, but one which they wanted to pursue. One by one, topics were given to me as possibilities, and in spite of themselves, the students began to get caught up with their searches. These questions and discussions continued throughout the semester: "You mean I can use I ?" "I don't have to give you a formal outline?" Relief permeated the class, and the most overheard question now became, "What are you doing your paper on?" The "Saturation Report" (one of the required essays assigned the second month), interview sessions in and out of class, exercises in dialogue, and the var- fdr-7" ."4 qww1116111r ious kinds of essaysnarration, description, persua- 1984 ROY CHRISTIAN sion, classification, and so onhelped give students I cannot recommend highly enough that teachers of the confidence necessary for embarking on a new ven- writing who are unfamiliar with the I-Search paper ture. By the time my students had completed the learn more about it and assign it on a trial basis in "Satutation Report" and discovered how they could at least one of their classes. When you personalize apply different types of writing skills to the I-Search research and encourage students to bring everything paper, they became very enthusiastic about the assign- they know about writing to their project, they produce ment. some of their best work. In addition, they often dis- Of course, my students, being human, were a cover something that is far more valuable to them mixture of those who worked hard and thoroughly as than a letter grade or a numerical score. well as those who procrastinated. Yet all the students

149 137 turned in an I-Searchpaper, and interestingly enough, no one wrote on the same subject. The result proved to bea smashing success. Stu- Many students dents became aware ofnumerous resources beyond personally told me how muchthey benefited from the the marvels of the library. Onestudent said, "I really assignment, even though theyresented the extra work enjoyed looking in the beginning. For up sources in the library, thencon- many, this assignment was the first tacting that one author by time they had really enjoyedlooking for information phone. I'd never have because they did not have to found my major field of emphasisfor the next four worry about an overly years without his long-distance advice." structured format. Others feltthe choice of subject In addition, the difference between primaryand secondary sources matter finally allowed them to spendtheir valuable sharpened. time earnestly searchingout an interest, such as dia- betes (in the case of the student "Doing the actual experiments withthe Ouija board who had just found sure made the book's information easier out she had the disease)or mining (in the case of the to verify. The firsthand research seemedso much better," an expe- student whose mother had justremarried to a miner). For me the best part of this rienced encyclopedia researcherobserved. Best of all, assignment was that I persuasive researchpapers proved to be enjoyable and actually looked forwardto reading the students'papers that were filled with their enthusiastic educational for altuncteveryone involved. searches. The comments some of the first-time research- And the students, who hadenjoyed their superior ers included these position in almost always knowingmore about their individual subjects after the searchlimn I, had gained Writing about the bad effects ofsmoking so my family confidence in a mode of writingthat will be useful to would know really made thispaper worthwhile. I'm sure my brothers will learn something, too. them in other classes. Thecompromise research paper worked. Interviewing other olderwomen about their college enrollments really strengthenedmy determination to forge ahead. I realize I'm not alone either! After I talked to thoseguys in jail and some of my Research Made Fun: neighbors, I really hope 'tow that Idon't end up beating my wife someday. Al! of the men I interviewedhad been Students' Responses abused children just like I was. to the I-Search Paper Because of all the entbmiasmon the part of stu- By Joan Bower dents, plus the fascinatingdiversity of subject matter generated by the I Search, I decided English Instructor, SaddlebackCommunity to continue to use College, South Campus; the assignment in futureclasses. My students made and Teacher/Consultant, UCI the following suggestionsfor implementing it the Writing Project second time: Encourage the use of the first "You know something? I hadto narrow my focus person whenever possible, but do not excludean objectively wri.z.en final down again! But I found thisguy who gave me all this draft if the paper is to bepresented in anothercourse information, and he talkedto me for an hour." as well. "I'm really learning about thisBeverly Hills diet! I Require that a topic lend itselfto persuasion so that interviewed three girls yesterdaywho'd gotten sick on the paper is not just it even. This isso much more fun than just reading a "learning about" experience. books from the library!" Require at least two authenticinterviews to preclude "I almost feel like committing the use of most previouslywritten or purchased suicide! Wellnot papers. really. But after tryingto phone the suicide crisis line for three days justto see how they'd react, I'm frus- Provide ample time in classfor careful and thoughtful trated. The super 'run-around' recommendations about classmates'papers during tine and busy signals would "What I Think I Know" and drive anyone crazy! Nowonder so many kids give rough draft read-arounds. up!" (For a description of theread-around technique and suggstions on its use,see Jenee Gossard's article that Just what kind of assignmentprovoked such remarks? appears in the "Sharing/ Responding" sectionof this It was my first experiment withthe I-Search paper. book.) Although I had always spent time on controversial Emphasize the value of careful subjects to stimulate interestingtopics for persuasive proofreading. research in freshman compositioncourses, one semes- Yes, the I-Search ter I decided to change the emphasis paper is a true learning expe- and stress a first- rience. I say this because person approach to research. my students recommended it as the most beneficial assignment of thecourse.

138 I z;ru D i 1 A a ,,i

Some Guidelines for Writing-Response Groups By Peter Elbow Director of Composition, State University of New York, Stony Brook

To improve your writing, you do not need advice learn how their words were actually experienced by on what changes to make, and you do not need theo- their particular readers. ries of what is good and bad writing. You need movies of people's minds while they read your words. But you Setting Up the Class need the movies for a sustained period of timeat Learning to make use of a class that depends heav- least two or three months. And you need to get the ily on students' responses to each other's writing is a reactions of not just a couple of people but of at least struggle. To develop this kind of class, you need a six or seven. And you need to keep getting them from committed group of students. You need the same the same people so that they get better at transmitting people writing and taking part every week so that they descriptions of thei. experiences and you get better at have the time to get better at giving reactions and hearing them. And you must write something every haring them. You need to maintain the initial com- week. Even if you are very busy, even if you have mitment of the class so that everyone confides to nothing to write about, and even if you experience participate. writer's block, you must write something and try to The main thing to remember in setting up the class experience it through those other people's eyes. Of is that what you and your students write does not course the writing may not be good; you may riot be matter as long as you write something. Treat the rigid satisfied with it. But if you learn only how people requirement as a blessing. Since the class must pro- perceive and experience words you are satisfied with, duce something every week, expect some of the writ- you are missing a crucial area of learning. You often ing to be terrible. You and your students cannot learn the most from reactions to words that you hate. improve your writing unless you put out words differ- In the paragraphs that follow, I will try to help you ently from the way you put them out now and find out set up and use a writing-response group. If you get how 7, our readers experience these new kinds of writ- confused, remember that everything is designed to ing You cannot try out new ways of generating words serve only one utterly simple goal: The writers should unless many of them feel embarrassing, terrible, or frightening. But you and your students will be surprised in two ways. Some passages that you currently EDITOR'S NOTE: We are grateful to Oxford University Press for permission to reprint excerpts from If ruing If :thou: Teachers by Peter hate you will discover to be good later. And some of Elbow. Copyright © 1973 by Oxford University Press, Inc. For further the reactions that most improve your writing are information on the use of writing response groups, see Writing Without Teachers (1975) and Writing with Power: Techniques for Mastering the brought on by terrible writingwriting you would Writing Process (1981), both published by Oxford University Press, Inc., not have shown to someone if you had had more time 200 Madison Avenue, Nev. York, NY 10016. to rewrite the material. 51 139 Use whatever procedureyou think is best for decid- Pointing to the words. Start giving ing what to write. Write ;hesame kind of thing over your reactions and over againeven the by simply pointing to the wordsand phrases which same piece over and over most successfully penetratedyour skull: Perhaps they again if you wish. Or tryout wildly different things. seemed loud or full of voice,or they seemed to have a There is no best or rightway. If you have the desire to lot of energy, or they somehow write, you probably dream of doing rang true, or they some particular carried special conviction. Any kindof getting through kind of writing. Do it. Or ifthere is something differ- is possible. If I have the piece ofwriting in my hand, I tend to put a line under suchwords and phrases (or longer passages) as I read. Laterwhen telling my reactions, I can try tosay which kind of getting through it was if I happen to remember. If Iam listening to the piece read out loud, I simplywait until the end andsee which words or phrases stick inmy mind. I may jot them down as theycome to me in the moments of silence after the readings. Point also to any wordsor phrases which strike you as particularly weak or empty. Somehowthey ring false, hollow, or plastic. Theybounce ineffectually off ent that you believe you should workon first, follow your skull. (I use a wavy line for thesewhen I read your own advice. with a pencil.) Should you hand out copies ofwhat the class has Summarizing the writing. Another written or read the writing way to give your out loud? Both ways have reactions to a piece of writing isto summarize it. This their advantages. Givingout copies to the classsaves can be done by following these procedures: class time because silent reading is quicker; youcan 1. First, tell very quickly what stop and think, go back, readmore carefully, and if you found to be the the piece of writing is long, main points, main feelings,or centers of gravity. you can let students take it Just sort of say what home and read it there. Thisprocedure may bemore comes to mind for 15 sec- possible than you think. Many onds; for example, "Let'ssee, very sad; the death photocopying pro- seemed to be the main cesses are cheap; or making threeto five copies from event; urn. .but the carbon paper is easy, and writing joke she told wasvery prominent; lots of clothes." or typing onto 2. Next, summarize the writing duplicating masters iseasy. Class members may leave in a single sentence. 3. Then chooseone word from the writing which a single copy of their writing whereeveryone else can read it carefully before class. best summarizes it. But reading out loud is good, 4. And finally, choosea word that is not in the too. When you and writing to summarize it. your class read your writing out loud,you often hear things in it that you donot experience any otherway. Hearing your own words spokengives you the vicar- ious experience of beingsomeone else. Reading your words out loud stresses what ismost important. Writ- ing is really a voice spreadout over time, not marks spread out in space. The audiencecannot experience words all at once as theycan a picture. They can only hear one instant ata time, as with music. When you read somethingout loud in class, always read it twice and allowat least a minute of silence after each reading for impressionsto become clearer for your listeners. Giving Movies of Your Mind As a reader giving reactions,keep in mind that you are not answering a timeless, theoreticalquestion about the objective qualities ofthose words on that page. You are answering a time-bound,subjective but factual question: Whathappened in you whenyou read the words this time?

140 15 2 Do this procedure informally. Do not planor think was like an initiation of a girlor a woman, particularly too much about it. The point is to show the writer out of her whole parental, social, ball-gown past into this what things he or she made stand out the most, what new thing. And I was, I just, I was surprised. I didn't shap3 the thing takes in your consciousness. This is expect you to describe things that way. I was really not a test to see whether you got the words right. It is happy. Then for some reason I felt like when you talked a test to see whether the words got you right. Be sure about the men who were gathered aroundI felt like to use different language from the language of the they were copsand if I heard it again I might feel like I writing. This ensures that the writing is didn't need to have you say it, but at the time,as you said filtered it, I wanted them to be blue-suited or something through your perception and experience, not just con- par- trasting. Perhaps that wouldn't be necessary forsome roted. Also, try this test a week later: Tellsomeone other reader. what you remember of his or her last week's piece. I had a very sort of happy feeling when you went to drinking songs. But it felt like the whole history of someone's life from being a young bride to becoming an old fishwife. I felt like it was a social comment ina way. One gets brought up and goes from the ideal fantasies to being fat and a drinking companion in pubs. And Iwas r just very happy at that change in age. It seemed like the whole thing wasif it were a movie it would be going around like thisbut the history of a whole person ina way retold in capsule form. . 44- The important thing in telling is not to get too far away from talking about the actual writing. People sometimes waste time talking only about themselves. But on the other hand, do not drift too far away from talking about yourself either, or else youare acting as though you are a perfectly objective, selfless critic. To help you in telling, pretend that there isa whole set of instruments you have hooked up to yourself that record everything that occurs in you, not just Pointing and summarizing are not only the simplest pulse, blood pressure, and so on, but alsoones that ways to communicate your perception but also the tell every image, feeling, thought, and word that hap- most foolproof and the most useful. Always start with pens in you. Pretend that you have hooked them all pointing and summarizing. If you want to play it safe up and that now you are just reading the printout and make sure your class is successful, ifyou are terri- from the machines. bly short of class time, or if your class is comingapart, try skipping all the following ways of giving feedback. Telling the miter what happened. Simply tell the To the man with an ear for verbal writer everything that happened toyou as you tried to .delicacies the man who searches pain- read his or her words carefully. It is usually easiestto tell what happened in the form of a story. First this fully for the perfect word and pas the happened, then this happened, then this happened, ,ivakof.SaVinta thing above the thing- and so on. Here is an example of telling from thetape saidthere-is in writing the constant joy recording of an actual class: of sudden discovery, of happy accident. 11..1:141ENCICEti I felt confused about the man in the gray suit and the men gathered around you. I suppose they're the cops and the escorts. I had first thought [that] the [person in the] gray suit was a cop, but then I thought he was a dignified Showing the writer your reaction. When you read person who got arrested. I was uncertain about it. And something, you have some perceptions and reactions then you talked about the men gathered around atone which you are not fully aware of and thus cannot pointfairly early. I felt like they were cops, and I "tell." Perhaps they are very faint, perhaps you do not wanted you to contrast them to the fantasies. have satisfactory language for them, or perhaps for There was one point where you talked aboutI think some other reason you remain unconscious of them. you were going down the stairsand I felt like that But though you cannot tell these perceptions and whole part with the father of the bride and thegown was reactions, you can show them if you are willing touse like the flash a person has supposedly, when he's going some of the metaphorical exercises listed below. These to drown and his whole life flows before him. I thought it may seem strange and difficult at first; but if you use

141 )rl them consistently,you will learn to tap knowledge heromething that is not obviousfrom the writ- which you have but which isusually unavailable to ing. Say what you think it you: was. Pretend that this piece Talk about the writing was written by someone as though you were de- you have never seen. Guessor fantasize what he scribing voices; for example,shouting, whining, or she is like. whispering, lecturing sternly,droning, speaking abstractedly, and so foCn. Tryto apply such The writing is a lump ofworkable clay. Tell what words not only to the wholething but also to you would do with that clay. different parts. Pretend to be someone elsesomeonewho would Talk about the writingas though you were talk- have a very differentresponse to the writing from what you had. Give this other ing about weather; forexample, foggy,sunny, person's perception and experience of the writing. gusty, drizzling, cold, clear, crisp,muggy, and so forth. Use this approachnot just with the whole thing but with differentparts. Talk about the writingas though you were talking about motionor locomotion; for example,as marching, climbing, crawling,rolling along, tip- toeing, strolling, sprinting, andso forth. Other ways to use this approachto talk about writing are as follows: Of Clothing: for example, jacket and tie, dungarees, Draw quickly the picture dusty and sweaty shirt, miniskirt,hair all slicked or doodle that the writ- down, and so forth. ing inspires in you. Pretendthat the writing was Terrain: for example, hilly, desert,soft and grassy, received only by yourarm with its pencil; now let forested, jungle, clearing ina forest, and so forth. them move. Color: for example, what color is thewhole? the parts? Mak the sound the writing inspires Shape: for example, square, round, or imitate oblong, triangu- the sound of the writing. Makedifferent sounds lar, cylindrical, and so forth. for different parts. Animals: for example, cat, lion,mouse, frog, moose, bear, elephant, gazelle, andso forth. Jabber the writing; that is, makethe sound you Vegetables: for example, carrot,broccoli, cauliflower, would hear if someonewere giving a somewhat lettuce, and so forth. exaggerated reading of it in thenext roomin a Musical instruments: for example,trumpet, flute, language you had never heard (alsocompress the drum, clarinet, tuba, trombne, v: Ain,oboe, and writing into 30 secondsor so). so forth. A body: for example, what kind ofbody? which parts Let your whole body make themovements inspired are feet, hands, heart, head, hair, andso forth? by the writing or differ(nt parts of it. Perhaps combine sounds andmot ments. Think of the piece of writingas having magically evolved out of a different piece ofwriting, and it Do a ten-minute writing exerciseon the writing, will eventually evolve intosome other piec)f and give it to the writer. writing that again is different.Tell where it came Meditate on the writing andtry to tell the author from, where it is going. about what happened. Donot think about his or Describe what you think the writer'sintention her writing. Try, even, to makeyour mind empty, but at the same time fully was with this piece of writing. Then think ofsome open to the writing. It crazy intention you th -.k heor she might have is as though you donot chew and do not taste had. just swallow it whole andnoiselessly. Assume that the writer wrote the piecethat is These showing proceduresare not very useful until being discussed instead ofsomething very differ- you get over being afraid of them and unlessyou give ent from what was reallyon his or her mind. two or three at a time. Therefore, I make ita rule that Guess or fantasize whatyou think was really on for your first four classes,you make at least a couple the writer's mir.d. of these oblique, metaphoricalstatements on each piece of writing. This proceduremay seem strange and Assume that soon before the authorwrote this uncomfortable at first. Indeed, the piece, he or she did something reason I make this very important or an explicit demand is that I have discovered something very important happened that peo- to him or ple in some trial writing-responsegroups were too

142 timid to use them. In other classes where people did Sometimes you may not want to giveyour reac- use them, almost everyone came to enjoy them and tions; respect this feeling. find them useful. You are always right and always wrong. (Youare Do not struggle with these procedures. Tryto let always right in that no one is ever in a position to the words just come. Say the thing thatcomes to mind, tell you what you perceive and experience. But even if it does not make any sense. And for the first you are always wrong in that you never see accu- few weeks, do not expect satisfactory results. rately enough, experience fully enough.) There is an easy way to think of the relation between telling and showing. Telling is like looking Advice to Writers on Listening inside yourself to see what you can report. Showing is The following advice is given to help writers benefit like installing a window in the top ofyour head and from their readers' comments in a writing-response then taking a bow so the writerscan see for them- group: selves. There is no need to try to remember what was Be quiet and listen. happening as you read. Just bow. Showingconveys more information but in a more mixed and ambigu- Do not try to understand what people tellyou; ous form than telling. just listen and take it all in. But do try to understand how they make their Further Advice to Readers comments. The following additional advice is given to help Do not reject what readers tell you. readers become more effective in the writing-response Do not stop them from giving you reactions. group: But do not be tyrannized by what they say. Ask for the specific feedback you want, but do Make sure you have had a good chance to read not play teacher with them. the writing. You are always right and always wrong. (You are Never quarrel with someone else's reaction. always right in that your decision about the writ- Give specific reactions to specific parts. ing is always final. But you are always wrong in No kind of reaction is wrong. that you can never quarrel with their experience Though no reactions are wrong, you still have to never quarrel even with their report of their try to read well. experience.)

Implementing completed their writing, they assembleon the rug and sit in a large circle. Our rules are simple. The author Sharing Groups reads his or her piece of writing, and thegroup listens. in the First-Grade Classroom There can be no talking during the reading,as that takes away from the piece of writing. The reader needs By Michael Carr to have Lie center stage. Because of this rule, the chil- Teacher, Los Alamitos Elementary Schcol, dren have developed a sense of mutual respect and Los Alam:los Unified School District; trustboth of which are essential elements ina shar- and Teacher/Consultant, UCI Writing Project ing group. After completing the reading, the authorcan choose .hree people to respond to the writing. All comments, Writers of all ages need feedback in orderto to begin with, have to be positive in nature. Later I develop a concept of audience. Students of allages hope to show the children how to tell whetheror not can be trained to be an audience and to give specific, the piece of writing was on the topic and whether the meaningful responses to each other's writing. This is writing worked for them as listeners. Thegroup must true as early as the first grade. respond to certain parts of the writing or correspond- I have been implementing peer sharinggroups in ing illustration and cannot make general, evaluative my classroom since my exposure to Peter Elbow'sre- statements, such as, "I like your writing." The children sponse group techniques during the 1981 UCI Writing must be very specific about what words or sentences Project. One majcr modification to the model for they liked by using Peter Elbow's pointing techniques. children in the first grade is to haveone large rather This approach gives the writer specific feedback and than several small groups. After the children have increases the ability of the group to recognize vivid classroom situation. The meeting timewas too lengthy, my students had trouble remaining on task, and itwas hard to form groups of fiveor six members without moving a great deal of furniture. Having thestudents prepare five or six copies of their work was difficult. Photocopies were costly for the studentsto make and carbon copies were messy. Eliminating theseproblems took over a year, yet finding the correct formulafor my classroom's needs has been both creative and rewarding. My groups now meet in threes, forminga triangle with the reader at the apex and theresponse partners at the base, as shown in Figure 26. When sharing, the writer reads hisor he- piece aloud to the two peer responders and thenpasses it to them to read silently. This readingprocess eliminates the need for either photocopiesor carbon copies and means that my class has only to move chairs to form language, effective use of details, andso forth. After the groups. Time is veryeasy to control because the three people have shared their reactions, thewriter process of reading, rereading, and sharing rarely takes has the option of respondingto the sharing group or more than seven minutes. The three members of the letting the next writer share hisor her work. group can share in about 20 minutes. Rewriting often This process of sharing has given thefirst graders in begins during the remaining minutes ofa 45-minute my room a sense of purpose for their writing,an period. My students love that! audience for sharing, anda forum for positive feed- There are other benefits of meeting ingroups of back. The enthusiastic attitude toward writingin my three. With about ten groups ina class, you can dis- classroom can be traced back to the successfulsharing perse your best writers, making them leaders in the group. group. At the same time, your weakest writersare not congregated together, and they have the leadership and talent of a peer to relyon when there are prob- An Argument lems. I was also able to control problems ofconcen- tration arising from close friends discussingtopics for Sharing other than writing by separating friends and making in Triads sure that each group had at least one girl andone boy. Careful grouping can help students, especiallyjunior By Charles L. Reichardt high school students, stayon task and promote meaningful interaction among the writer and hisor her peer English Teacher, Pine Middle School, partners. While these triads meet, I Los Alamitos Unified School District; can hold confer- and Teacher/ConstOtant, UCI Writing Project

Of the stages of the writingprocess inherent in the Writer model advocated by the California Writing Project,I believe that the concept of sharing is themost important. As I sit down to write thiscommentary, I am thinking of my audience, mentally anticipatingthe needs of those individuals with whom I willshare my thoughts, and remembering thatmy experience with peer groups was the most positive aspect ofmy participation in the UCI Writing Project. I first heard of Peter Elbow's writing-response Response Response groups at a weekend conference over two yearsago. partner partner When I first attempted writi:iggroups with my sixth grade class, I followed Mr. Elbow's modelclosely and found that the logistics of theprocess did not suit my Fig. 26. Sharing in Triads

144 ences with individual students, circulate from group plots surge through riy mind, drowning any spark of to group, or simply make myself availableas a originality I might hope for. response partner when a group requires a third I suppose I should have confidence enough to realize opinion. that since no one has seen the significant truths of the Sharing in triads remains a key component ofmy universe through my eyes, I could at least addmy per- writing class. I have found that limiting the size of peer groups to three students makes sharing more efficient for my classroom situation and studentpopu- ,Showitigis like. hiltallintit-wing (*in the lation without lessening the quality of the feedback. I top OfOitrzheigt and Oen taking kbovp recommend that other teachers who have found larger ihe.writers tan-see joi,:theinitittes peer groups too unwieldy or the paperwork too cum- bersome try sharing in triads rather than abandoning this valuable group interaction. sow,' vision to the ocean of visions already written. I have subjects. I want to write about having to endure aloneness and continual lossthe process of living. But I At First. am no Alan Watts. I want to write about "passion" and And how it is essential, even though it creates all the pains of life. But I am no Peter Shaffer. I want to writea story or at Last poem about the exquisite pain of being separated from the one you dearly love. I want to create the eternity ofa day without him. And to describe the surprise ofrecog- By Julie Simpson nizing that moments passed whenyou actually thought English Teacher, Sunny Hills High School, of something other than him, whenyou actually entered Fullerton Union High School District; the world for a little while. But I am no Emily Dickinson and Teacher/ConstOtant, UCI Writing Project or Edna St. Vincent Millay. I want to write a story juxtaposing the interior,lea!, reality with the exterior game of realitywe all play. I When it came to writing, I had considered myself to want to be able to create a slice of life that would portray be the epitome of the expression, "Those whocan, do; the struggle of getting through mother outwardday, those who can't, teach." I was the one in college who pretending to focus on it and to thrive in it, while allthe invariably turned in her term papers late and who while living only in a secret, emotional other worldthat knew full well they were not good. I was theone who is the true reality. But this is so personal that itwould shopped around for years to find a master'sprogram take the perfect words to communicate precisely what I in her field that did not requirea thesis. So it was with mean. And I have no plot in mine. And I don't know great trepidation that I applied to become a UCI Writ- how to create characters or dialog. And, and, and.... ing Project Fellow. I wanted to learn about teaching And I'm afraid that someone might stop midsentence and complain, "How boring!" I'd feel "pinned and wrig- writing; I just did not want to have to doany of it in gling on the wall," an' it wouldn't have been worth it, the process. after all. In the first paper I wrote for my writinggroup, I explored my frustrations: That is how I began. I understood, firsthandnow, my students' hesitations and anxieties about writing. I So much fear surrounds the idea of writingfears of felt as inferior as they did. But within the five weeks of mediocrity, fears of criticism, fears of rejection. What if the Writing Project, I learned to deal with "dare disturb the universe?" What if I openmy gut and my fears. expose my sincerest thoughts and efforis to the world Having a supportive, interested writinggroup that and it yawns? responded to my work froma personal as well as a Here I am, supposed to write something. Anything. professional perspective made all the difference. And it's Sunday night, and I've been thinking for days Here is an excerpt from my final positionpaper: and have nothing to say. No creative Ah-ha's havecome Besides reinforcing a couple of truisms I have always at the end of any of the various clusters I've begun. I known, the Writing Project has exposed me Lo essential have a few ideas. But no faith. And thus no words. I new ideas that will permanently affect my teaching. sitimageless, plotless, metaphorless. Empty. Learning about developing fluency through the domains It's so much safer to be an audience, to read andreact of writing has taught me a most valuableawareness: to others' writingsto find people who speak for me and Students must be viewed as writers. The fact that Iwas who do it better than I ever could. Obviously, my ideas considered a writer from the start of the Writing Project can't be as significant as those of the greats who have was undoubtedly the biggest learning experience of the gone before me. I have nothing new to say. When I think summer. I tried to fight it and insist that I had nothing to of things to write, other people's lines and characters and say, but I got hooked, nonetheless. I have learned that,

145 each other, which only increased my apprehensionon entering the room. 4- s ale*ning tool;-Writing shouldbe "Good morning. Hello," I nodded to b' ;d strangers, encouragedacross the Curriculum. trying to manufacture a smile. "Today,as I.explained JAMES R. OW to you this past Wednesday, I would like you all to arrange your desk in circles of five." Chairs rumbled and screeched as metal scrapedmore scuffs into those either inside me or outside in the worldthrough my eyes, already marking the ancientgray linoleum. Uncom- there is something that I can writeabout. And every time fortable and embarrassed facesnow nervously perused I come up with an idea, I feel proud:Hey! I can do that. I pens, rough drafts, and peeling nail polish. have learned that a subject doesn't haveto be unique to be writable. And I've learned "Before you begin this assignment, wouldyou that I can conquer the please take about five to ten minutes battle of how to show an ideaonce I have it: I can always to introduce make it more concreteto communicate.I feel proud yourselves to your group. Go counter-clockwise about my own words; I no longer demandthat they be until all have been introduced." great. I look forward to sharing them with others. In spite of several years of using Peter Elbow'sre- I want my students to discover thesame sort of satis- sponse groups from his Writing Without Teachers, I faction in writing and sharing andto experience the have yet to willingly let go ofmy need for teacher same sort of pride in their work as I do in mine. control. As always, at first, the studentswere ill at When I treat students as writers, Iaccept that they ease in their unfamiliar circlesand so was I. My have a warehouse of experiences, sensations,ideas, and confidence disintegrated a littlemore with each of their reactions to write about. My job, thenbecomes one of a dubious or painful side glances toone another. facilitator more than an evaluator. I can help them tap Just to reassure myself, I reviewedmy notes from their resources. I can help them viewthemselves as writers and, in a way, as more significant people. Wednesday about why the responsegroup is used. The majority of these studentswere unfamiliar with group sharing. But they had agreed on Wednesday that since writing is a process of continually refocus- Response Groups ing for clarity, it would be beneficial to read their first in the Business and second drafts aloud in groups. They also agreed that writing for a real purpose, tocone, a message, Writing Class and for their peers, whom they wouldsoon know, was more realistic than writing for a letter grade and for By Sheila Koff an instructor they would probably know only formally. Instructor of English, Orange Coast College: While I was passing out duplicated copies of Peter and Teacher/Consultant, UCI Writing Project Elbow's pointing steps, I listened tosome laughter and inquiring comments rising from thegroup members' Dashing up the steep two flights of stairsto my introductions. Breathing a little easier, I beganto business writing class at California StateUniversity, Fullerton, clutching my latest transparenciesand duplicated copies, I wondered whether thisday's lesson might possibly create that rare, authentic learning environment that wasso satisfying for my previous composition students. Although I had taughtbusiness writing as a component of other classeson other college campuses, I had never hada class of junior and senior business majors, focusing entirelyon business writing. As I struggled toget my fingertips around the slippery door knob, I was notsure whether my gasping resulted from my sprintup the stairs or from the fear that the lesson might not work. Thesestrong- willed, opinionated, future business leaders justmight balk at sharing their hard work witha group of peers, even if the spirit of cooperation is encouraged in this competitive world. Since it was the first Friday of the springsemester, I did not yet know their 28names, nor did they know

146 review gently and carefully with them Peter Elbow's pointing steps, along with the writing rubricon the overhead transparency. Because they were anxious to begin sharing their first drafts of businessmemos, I then instructed one writer in each group to pass out his or her four copies to the other group members. Sometimes while weaving unobtrusively aroundthe sharing and pointing circles, I would catch andcorrect potential problems. Some reticent American and shy foreign-speaking students tried to avoid reading aloud by suggesting that thegroup members silently read their papers. Some groups forgot the positivecom- menting phase and immediately began makingnega- tive comments. As expected, others focusedon grammatical problems that are better reserved fora later editing stage of the process. It waseasy to help individual responders point to specifics in each person's writing and to suggest that they keepan eye on the rubric ad; pted for that particular writing assignment. Although initially I felt shaky inmy new observer- facilitator role, I soon reaped the benefits from gently I believe working with a group is a goodway to im- insisting on strict adherence to Peter Elbow's guide- prove your writing. Everyone can help each other in lines. The students were better able to help eachother, organizing structure, word choice, andgrammar. In and I quickly adjusted to their not regularly needing addition, people in a group always give you good ideas me. I was impressed by the intense cooperation shared or suggestions to make your essay better. However, we by these highly competitive studentsas they helped should have a group leader so he or she can pull us back each other toward individual excellence. to reality when we go too far outside the topic that we're During the last five minutes of class, afterat least discussing. three papers had been shared in eachgroup, I asked Other than the last comment about the need fora the students to write anonymous accounts of how they group leader, the only other suggestion was that felt about their first interaction withgroup members. groups should be carefully monitored by the instruc- My fears welz all for naught. Hereare some reactions: tor to ensure that all members participate. I feel that the group meeting isa very effective idea. It Many weeks later, after several kinds ofgroup gives people in the class a goodway of having a peer interaction had occurred, I knew that the students review of their work. Also, it gives studentsa chance to needed less of my intervention to facilitate theirgroup participate in the class on a group andon an individual process. And the problem with inactive members basis. resolved itself simply from grouppressure and the I like the idea of meeting in groups to discussour high expectations of individual members. papers. It helps to see how other members in the group My business writing students adapted easilyto have approached the assignment and exposes the differ- Peter Elbow's peer-response groups, energetically teach- ent styles of writing they have acquired. The group meeting each othera few even pleading for the chance to ings should continue, as everyone in the group benefits do third drafts. Meanwhile, I warily eyemy multiply- from the experience. ing stack of papers to be graded, but Iam comforted I feel quite comfortable with my group. They make by the fact that I will be reading writing that has constructive comments and offer good ideas for improve- evolved and improved because of peer groupresponses. ment. I have found the group interaction most helpful. We have been able to generate a lot of ideas about our assignment. These ideas will help me in preparing my You aurlyoustudentsranizot imply* final draft. In addition, my group is friendly and therefore not shy about offering criticisms, as well as compli- Yoqrwrftit,i 400s:0'940dt Quf-Wortix4if ments. We all get along well, so I think we will be able to fereotlY frim,100400-y9u.M'OOni±Ot help one another more as the semester continues. (I now ailfiud'OUt how)iourieucierg eicpe- think I should also mention that prior to this semester, I ,riefice kindds of writing: had a negative attitude about group work, but that has PETER ELBA, ' changed as a result of this class.)

147 , 1 1 I

Using Rea,' sAroundGroups to Establish Criteria for Good Writing By Jenee Gossard Chairperson, Department of English,Culver City High School; and Teacher/Consultant, UCLAWriting Project

A few years ago, I realized that the only way my nearly finished papers for specificrequirements of students were ever going to learnto write better was form, language use, and conventions for them to write of writing. At more often, revise more willingly, the end of the process, theyevaluate final drafts, com- and edit more effectively than they had been doing in plementing improvements and editingfor surface the past. In addition, they neededa wider and more errors. "real" audience to write for and a clearer sense of the With each reading, the studentsdevelop a more purpose for each piece of writing. In short, their entire precise idea of what theywant to say, Lo whom, and writing experience needed to be muchmore extensive how. They experience writingas a process, and they and much more realistic than it had been. discover that good writing rarelysprings full-blown On the other hand, I defini.,*: didnot want to read from the author's brow, but and mark any more papers of the kind must be carefully shaped my students over a period of time. They begin to recognizethe typically handed indashed off thenight b. fore, importance of their audienceas they become accus- bloated with generalizations and cliches, andriddled tomed to writing for real readerstheir with irritating errors of expression and classmates conventions. instead of just for the teacheramost unreal crea- As I began to experiment with solutionsfor this ture, in their eyes. From the student's point dilemma, I found myself relying of view, more and more on a perhaps the most helpfulaspect of using the RAG modified small-group technique thatseemed ideally method is that, for the first time, each suited to the special needs of student has a a writing class. clear nation of what other students doto solve writing The Read-Around Group Approach problems. Papers written by theirpeers provide much more useful models than do the professionally written Basically, the read-aroundgroup (RAG) approach examples in textbooks. gives students the opportunity to read and respond to For the teacher, one of themost important advan- each other's writing at severalstages in the process of tages of using RAGs is that the students read,discuss, any assignment. For example, they read each other's and revise their papers threeor four times before ever first drafts to discover how others solved theproblem handing them in, whichmeans not ohl of finding a subject and getting started. that the sub- They read mitted papers are ata fairly advanced stage of devel- second and third drafts to note progress in shaping the opment but also that they are relatively freefrom paper according to criteria established in discussions gross errors in language and mechanics. As of earlier drafts. Later, they help each a result, other edit the teacher can commentmore directly on issues of

148 1C0 composition orgy nization, development, tone, point their ten-minute paper for the next day. In theirnew of view, and effective use of languagerather than versions, I require them to include from the rubric two devoting so much red ink to matters of spelling, or three specific items related to organization and grammar, punctuation, and other conventions. development. New versions, stapledon top of the The Steps in the RAG Process originals, must be at least one full page, butno longer than one and one-half pages. As I began to use RAGs regularly, I devised several 7, procedures to streamline the process and make it 11 more effective. I learned that small groups work best when they have a very specific task to perform andnot quite as much time to complete itas they would like. Several of the procedures are so useful tome that I will describe them for you insome detail. The first day. On the first day, aftera brief prewriting activity (clustering or brainstorminganything open-ended), students write for ten minuteson the given topic, using code numbers instead of their names to identify their papers. Then they form groups of four to read all the papers. Atmy signal, each group leader passes his or her group's papers to the next group, where they are distributed and read quickly-30 seconds for each paper. At the end of PPRRiogrAP 1 A each 30-second interval, I give the signal topass the papers Lo the next reader in the group. As soon as the .400:7 set of four papers has been read, each group chooses The second day. On the second day Iuse the same the pape- it liked the best in that set. Each group's RAG procedure, but this time I askmy students to use recorder notes the code number of the chosenpaper, the criteria from the rubric in choosing the bestpaper while the leaner holds up the set of papers to indicate in each set. Among the second day's "best"papers will that the group has finished making a choice. When all be several that had not been chosen in the first day's groups have made a choice (generally, in less than a RAG. Thus, students who worked hard to improve minute), I give the signal for the leaders topass the th'ir original versions are rewarded for their efforts, papers on. We rf neat this process until all groups have while some of the first day's "stars," who restedon read every set except their own. their laurels by simply recopying their popular originals, find themselves back in the middle of the pack. After this second RAG, I generally spenda few We-write to: explore the constellations and class sessions discussing sample copies ofsome of the gala.#es,Which- lie unseen within us waiting papers the class chose most often in order to refine the to.be mapped with our own,words. rubric on which their third versions will be based. DONALD ytiRRAY The third day. On the day the third version is due, I use a modified RAG procedure in which I ask the students to focus on very specific elements of the rubric. When all the sets of papers have been read, I print In this first editing phase, studentspass their papers the code numbers chosen by each group on the chalk- within their own group only, checking and marking board. Students enjoy seeing how often theirpapers each other's papers at each reading. For example, in were chosen as best in the sets of four papers they the first turn, readers may be asked to makea note in traveled with. Inevitably, some code numbers appear the margin next to the opening and closing lines if several times. I call for these and read them aloudas I these lines contain the required contentor form. In ask the students to identify the qualities of the best the second and third turns, I may ask readersto papers they read. As they enumerate the specific underline concrete details, specific examples,or lines "best" qualities they noticed in reading around, I write of dialoguewhatever the rubric specifically requires them on the chalkboard. Their list usually includes in terms of organization and development. such items as good details and description, interesting The second phase of this editing RAG requires the beginning, consistent tone, good beginning, and so students to pass the papers around theirgroups again forth. The list on the chalkboard becomesa simple to identify problems in language use. This time,on the rubric which the students are to follow in revising first turn, readers are to circle all forms ofto be. On 161 149 the second turn they circle all dead words (e.g., thing, RAG procedure, requiring readers to find very, so, really, a lot, and other overused words), and note margins, paragraph indentions, capitalsand end punc- while on the third turn readers bracket all repeated tuation, dead words, contractions, words at the beginnings of sentences. Later in the fragments, run-ons, and other specific items relatedto the skills we have semester, I may ask them to star all repeated words been working on. The read-aroundgroup technique and bracket short, choppy sentences forsentence com- can be easily modified to suit almost any situation bining work. After this session, their final versionis arising in a composition class. due. It must incorporate any changes suggested by the marks of the student editors. The fourth day. When the students submit the fourth version of their papers, I repeat the RAG :$11::** ootle01: Maciforigt,a pro. procedure from the first day, allowinga little .nore oliiiktoei4gookicy- time for the reading of each paper (up to 45 seconds), ti oflOkihroWtdAftqffri draft. as the new versions tend to be more concentrated than lazi1ONICI earlier ones. After posting the chosen numbers, I have the students proofread each other'spapers ;or spelling and sentence errors before handing them in. Then I read aloud the best of the best, compliment the writers Suggestions for RAG Sessions on a job well done, and take the whole set home to Here are some general considerations forsetting up read for the first time. And a pleasant reading it is, a successful RAG session: too, compared to what it might have been if I had 1. Students should ire code numbers insteadof taken home their first or second drafts. Because all names on their papers to reduce anxiety bypre- earlier versions are handed in along with thenewest serving anonymity. ones, I can easily see the changes that have been made from the original writing. Thus, Ican praise a stu- 2. Groups should be as nearly equal insize as pos- dent's efforts to revise, even if the overall quality of sible. If your class number is not divisibleby the latest version is only average in comparison with four or five, be certain that the odd -sized group(s) others in the class. is smaller than the rest rather thanlarger. For longer papers (over two pages),or more com- Groups of four or five studentsare best for most plex assignments, I use variations of the RAG method. tasks; fewer than four provide too little interac- Often, students will read their longerpapers aloud to tion; more than five may have difficultysticking their group, followed by a discussion of each paper's to the task. strengths and weaknesses. Foressays of argument, I 3. Appoint a leader and a recorder in eachgroup; use RAGs to teach thesis paragraphs, counterargu- define their duties clearly. ments, supporting arguments, and concluding para- 4. Give the groups a specific task to performin a graphs, spending one RAG session on each element strictly limited amount of time; (e.g., read quickly separately. In remedial classes I use the editing-style and select the best in the set, circle all formsof to be). 5. Keep close track of time. Iuse a stopwatch so that students learn to pace themselves againsta fixed time period. Do not let studentspass papers on until you give the signal; otherwise the reading process will quickly become chaotic. 6. Set up a simple system for accomplishingthe task. When reading a class set,my students follow this system: a. Group leaders collect papers from their own group members and, at my signa., pass the set to the next group in a counter-clockwise direction. b. Students read eachpaper in the prescribed time, passing it to the personon their right whengive the signal to passnot before and not after.

150 1 I:1U 9 c. When the set has been read (I keep a tally as I 4. Revising their papers several times before having time the reading so that I know when each set them graded is finished), I tell the groups to choose the 5. Knowing where they stand in relation to other best paper, reminding theni of the specific students criteria for that day. 6. Gaining a clearer understanding of writing as a d. Recorders write the number of the chosen process paper on the small slip of raper that I provide For the teacher, these advantages stand out: for each group. Leaders then collect thepapers and hold them up to signal that their 1. Students write more often, but the teacher does group is finished. not read more papers. e. When all the leaders indicate readiness to 2. Gross errors decline significantly with each revi- continue, I say, "Change groups," and the sion following a RAG session and discussion. leaders pass the set on to the next group. 3. Papers are better written and more interesting to read. 7. Do not ask students to choose the best paper 4. Students learn to evaluate their own and others' from among the papers in their own group; it is work. too threatening, at least at first. 5. Students have fewer complaints about grades. 8. Keep the papers short for whole-group read- 6. Student handwriting improves. This last phe- around sessions; papers longer than two pages nomenon occurs when students with good ideas can be handled better by being read aloud in a but poor handwriting realize that their papers small group, followed by discussion. are being passed over in the choosing process Advantages of Using Read-Around Groups because they are too hard to read. Of all the techniques I have used over the There are many advantages to using read-around years, the groups. For the student, the following advantages are RAG has been the most useful and the most versatile. most important: Though it requires careful advance planning and strict monitoring, the extra effort pays off in better writing 1. Writing for, and getting response from,a "real" and improved attitudes. Students enjoy it, too, for it audience gives them a chance to share. Most important, it 2. Gaining useful ideas, approaches, andperspec- focuses attention on the act of composing itself, tives from reading and hearing other tucifmts' demystifying the process and thereby giving students writing more confidence in their abilities to write better at 3. Sharpening editing skills every new step.

I I.

Using RAGs to Teach vides students with a "real audience" of theirpeers, Revising and Editing and it creates for them the personal motivationto rethink and rework a piece of writing. For the first 4 at the Elementary Level time, I feel that my elementary studentssee writing as a valuable process. By Diane Dawson I use the first few exposures to RAGs as a way to Coordinator of Programs and Curriculum, get students thinking about what constitutes effective Beverly Hills Unified School District; writing. After selecting the "best"papers, we talk and Teacher/Consultant, UCLA Writing Project about what specific elements make certain papers stand out from the rest. The list we generate from this It has been my impression that the revising and discussion and print on the chalkboard becomes a editing stages of the writing process are rarely empha- rubric we use for revising our papers. Studentscan sized at the elementary school level. Asa fifth-grade then be trained to look for and mark particular items teacher in a self-contained classroum, I have found in papers as they read around in groups. For example, the read-around group (RAG) to bea powerful tool I teach them to mark a plus (+) in the margin to indi- for teaching these skills. In fact, of all the techniques I cate an excellent topic sentence, to draw two lines have used to encourage my students to revise and edit, under a strong, vivid verb, and to put parentheses none has been as successful as this procedure. It pro- around effective sensory descriptions. Other notations

I 8 3 151 can be used to call attention to a particular aspect of the writing assignment while thepapers are being read, such as the use of transition words ina narrative or the clarity of instructions in a "how to"paper. During later stages of the writingprocess, as revising moves into editing, I have foundRAGs particularly effective when I have been focusingon specific skills, such as using quotation marks andcorrect end r ,,...... _ punctuation, eliminating forms ofto be in favor of strong, vivid verbs, identifying basic sentencepatterns Erse (declarative, interrogative, andso forth), and checking spelling after sentence dictation. RAGs serve as outstandingsupport for teaching writing. Students working ingroups not only learn the h. l' stages of the process but also analyze what theyhave written and come up withways to make it better. The total success of this approachcan be measured by the is fact that my students do not believe that thewriting task is complete unless they have hadat least one read-around experience to help them revisetheir papers. about grammar, spelling, or punctuation. Butdo realize that almosteveryone in this room will be read- tudents' ing your anonymously labeledpaper. Keep your pens Reactions moving as quickly as possible, tryingto describe your to the Read-Around story with much detail. Have you any questions? Then S begin." A rare hush visited the roomas 35 minds settled By Sheila Koff down to ponder what to write. The heat didnot feel Former English Teacher, Irvine High School; quite so suffocating. Instructor of English, Orange Coast College; "Now that your ten minutesare up, pass your pa- and Teacher/Consultant, UCI Writing Project pers to your table's group leader. That person isto pass the set clockwise to the next table." "Please take out some paper anda pen to begin Further specif read-around instrk.ctionswere given. writing," I shouted above the restless dinof my high A few more questions were answeredas many impa- school composition class. tient students eagerly began readingtheir peers' writ- "Oh, no, do we have to write already?"moaned ing. Debbie, usually bored with existence,twittered aldie from the back of theroom. behind her first paper. Othereyes, often glazed from Although I did not want to admit it,my fourth daydreaming, now glinted while hurriedly darscing period class was my least fi vorite writingclass, lnd back and forth across thepages. the 100° F. Santa Ana weather condition,along with "Stop. Your minute is up. Passyour paper to the the broken air conditioner, did not help. Thestudents right and begin the next story," I said, glancingat my were tired and restless from roasting and sitting for stopwatch. three straight periods, and I was drained from roast- "What? A minute can't be up! I just started!"howling and standing for thesame amount of time. ed Rosemary. Their uncomfortable tedium subsided somewhatas "Ah, come on, Ms. Koff. I'm just gettingto the best we began to cluster on the chalkboard descriptions of part," complained Eddie again. numerous vivid memories. "Can't we have more time?" asked another. "What about a first kiss? Is thata vivid memory'?" "I'm sorry, but the class period is almostover, and roared athletic Greg to successive embarrassedgig- you still need to finish reading at leastone fuli set of gles. papers and to pick your favorite. I promise to let you "Of t. Nurse, Greg," I responded, If that kisshas finish them tomorrow." I could barely believewnat I already been obtained." A fewmore chu .kies arose. had said. "Now, I want you all to writ.. I:::ten nil:laws about Waves of heated protests frommy once yawning just one of these memorableel, :Its. l'en't worry crew greeted each of my orders to "stop" and to begin reading a new paper. Jennee Gossard's minute read- depending on the purpose of the assignment and the around captivated not only the hearts but also tile time available. The simplest procedure isto ask stu- imaginations of my composition students. And this dents to pick the best of each set as they read around. enthusiasm remained for the second and third daysof At the end of the session, I tabulate the resultsand subsequent sharing, revising, andpeer group respond- read aloud two or three of thepapers that were chosen ing. must often. A more involved approach is to ask stu- To my relief and joy, this scene repeats itselfevery dents to focus on and marka single element at each time, no matter what level of class Iam teaching. turn: bracket the main idea, underline correctly used Need any more be said about the significance ofpeer terminology, and star effectively writtensentences. review, peer modeling, and peer recognitionall These two activities can also be combined:a basic evolving from the read around in the Englishcompo- read-around followed by the marking session. When- sition classroom? ever appropriate, students are encouragd to revise their papers based on the good models they have read. After a read-around sessionon final drafts, I distrib- Using Read-Around ute copies of the best student-selectedpapers to the Groups in a class and post a set of them in a displaycase. I find read-around groups useful for teaching bio- Biology Class logical concepts as well as for evaluating finished pieces of writing. For example, I By Judith Sanderson may ask each student to generate a large cluster around a key term, suchas Biology and English Teacher, organelle (For suggestionson clustering, see Gabriele Culver City High School; Lusser Rico's section earlier in this book.) Thenmy and Teacher/Consultant, UCLA Writing Project students circulate copies of their clusters until each student has read several samples. When theyget their Read-around groups are highly effective for improv- own clusters back, Itell them to add appropriate ing my students' understanding the content of the items "stolen" from the clusters they haveseen. Such biology course as well as helping them toexpress an activity might precede a discussion of the topic, themselves accurately and clearly when writing about lead to a written definition of the term,or serve as a science. In my biology class, students writefor a review for a test. Asa matter of fact, whenever a variety of purposes, including reporting laboratory read-around occurs before a major examination, I experiments, reviewing films, and summarizing articles. encourage students to "steal" useful information by I may ask them to describea process or to explain the making notes as they read. use and care of laboratory equipment. A typical writing Used in a high school biology class, read-around assignment may involve summarizing what theyhave groups work effectively to clarify course content and learned about a major topic,, suchas "enzymes" or "photo- to reinforce a scientific approach to problem Qolving. synthesis," and I give my students a list of vocabulary The read-arounL roup procedue conn words they must use in their ,dents papers. They must also to course content in ways that teacher- stun.,..,_trac- illustrate their major points with specific examples tions do not. The process isa kind of peer teaching; drawn from their laboratory work or reading. The when students read what other students write, theysee best papers contain the correct information, illus- how others organize information,use vocabulary, and trated with pertinent examples, and written in the follow directions. When they know that their audience most readable format. is composed of their peers, they wantto do a better In a read-around session, students code theirpapers job; they increase the level of their performance if they with identification numbers topreserve anonymity. know peer judgment will follow. Most important, They work in groups of three or four, reading and without risking exposure, they passing the coded papers at see their written work my signal. When they in relation to the work of others in the class.For finish each set of papers, eachgroup picks the best some, this is a rewarding experience; for others, it is paper in that set and then passes the papers to the next an enlightening shock. group. As the papers are passed around the room, Through using the read-aroundprocess, my stu- students quickly notice that the good papers are sim- dents learn to distinguish between writing thatexpresses ilar in content, organization, and style. Thisexpe- a concept clearly and accurately and writing that does rience gives them an inductive model for good writing not. In addition, they increase their understanding of on this assignment. the course content through sharing ideas ingroups. While students are sharing papers in read-around Thus, the process improves not only their writing groups, I may ask them to do several different tasks, skills but also their mastery of basic biologicalconcepts.

ei 5 153 Using ,Read-Around The leaders gather the papers from themembers of Groups for their groups. (Students donot score their own papers.) Attached to the back of eachset of papers are Holistic Scoring seven or eight score sheets, one for each group in the room. Each student writer has entered an identification By Trudy Beck number at the top of each score sheet andhas written El Toro High School, the letters A through Eon the sheet (if thereare five in Saddle .sack Valley Unified School District; the group) for the readers'scores. Each leader passes and Teacher/Consultant, UCI Writing Project the group's papers clockwiseto the next group, and they are redistributed there. Each memberof each group has an assigned letter (again, usually A through Having first learned about read-aroundgroups (RAGs) second or third generation, I did E, depending on the number in the group),and the not know the clerk records the letters finer details of RAGs; so I took theessence of the on an index card for future approach, as I knew it, and improvised. What I ended reference. The group leader is always A; theperson on up with was a RAG that incorporated holistic scoring, the leader's left is always B. Then the holisticread- around begins. too. Thus, in one final-stage RAG, I get the toppa- pers in the class and scores for all papers. I allow one minute for the reading of eachpaper. This provides ample time for the students I have been training my students toscore composi- to read the papers and to determine holistic scores. Each student tions holistically for severalyears, and I recognize the turns the paper over, records in pen critical need for a clear, strong rubric. At thesame a holistic score on time that it must reflect the individual assignment, I the top score sheet beside hisor her letter and holds prefer a rubric that is standard in form and mechan- the paper until given the signal topass the paper to the person on the left. After all papers have been read by ics. As a result, I use a basic six-point rubricas the foundation for the individualized versions. (For the group, the leader records the bestpaper of the more stack and collects the papers. Then the information on holistic scoring, see the evaluationsec- clerk collects tion later in this book.) The students become quite the completed score sheets and clipsthem together. (Because the scores given by any skilled at focusing on the specifics ofan assignment, one group are not seen so we can agree on a final rubric quite rapidly. Once it by the next group, it is easy forme to tell if one group is grading consistently highor low and to remedy the is in final form, the rubric gets three to four minutesof silent attention from everyone. If the students situation rapidly. Using the clerk's record ofreaders' request letters assignee before the RAG began, I additional time to internalize the rubric, theyare can also tell if given it without question. any one student is grading inconsistently.) The scored stack of papers is passed to the Ideally, students are placed in groups of fouror next group, and the five. I often sit in to round out the number, and process is repeated until the stack is returned to the my originating group. participation in the process lends ameasure of formal- ity that seems to encourage an even The final step is for the clerks to hand the clipped more conscien- score sheets to the leader of the appropriate group, tious attitude from my students. Agroup leader and clerk distribute papers and materials and record who then distributes them to the writers. Each student scores. can immediately figure his or her average score The students staple their score sheets to the back of their papers before they turn them in.I also call for the best paper from each stack, and we discuss thosepa- pers, focusing on their outstanding aspects. From With a well-trained class andan efficient handling 'Peth*II10 #194.004)101:100t of the papers, a class of 35can complete the entire of RAG process in a 50-minute period. Whilemy stu- for.thefact.time, :00. dents are scoring, they are internalizing criteria for evaluating the papers of others; they..an apply the kids,01*,s0.' criteria to their own first and final drafts ofsubse- quent papers. At the same time, I am lighteningmy Of* 0:47.011 own paper load without reducing the number of writ- 104000.1.40;-- ing assignments. I can then respond 404-abs§410,, to elected papers or particular assignments in more deptn and can provide the kind of content-based feedbacA that will genuinely help students improve their writing.

154 I I

Competence for Performance inRevision By Sheridan Blau Vice-Chair, Department of English, and Director, South Coast Writing Project, University of California, Santa Barbara

Once we begin to think seriously about revision,we students, rewriting means copyinga draft over neatly are likely to feel some confusion about what acts of in ink. And if nothing counts at: revisionexcept what mind or writing behavior ought to be called by that gets written and rewritten on paper, what willwe call name. All composition theorists warn us against mak- the mental activities of writers who in their minds ing the easy mistake of thinking of revisionas merely perform the same operations of seecting, altering, the last stage in a linear V :ee -stage composingpro- and deleting that less experienced writers might have cess. That is because, in composing, revision can and to carry out in more obvious stages on paper?' does take place at any time. Studies of the thinking processes of writers show that nearly every writer is Toward a Unified Theory of Revision constantly reviewing, evaluating, and changing words In spite of all these complications inour understand- and ideas at every moment in the composingprocess ing of revisionor perhaps because of themthere as much perhaps while the writer is planning what he has begun to emerge a fairly clear picture of what or she might want to say as when the person has revisionin any and all of its manifestationsentails already begun to write sentences on paper. as a thinking process or set of intellectual skills. These are skills that can be taught and learned or at least encouraged and nourished in the context ofan instruc- fsearcely Ogrrettel my pubhshed writings, tional program in composition. :biifv,:kvphinicelOntg across apOge, it We can take an important step towarda unified 011:440040 nio411-0470i0-0e remit- theory of revision by recognizing that all of thevar- fuwetoritten it. ious activities we might want to call revisioncan LEO TOLSTOI probably be said to belong to one of the two classes of revision that Donald Murray has designated:nter- Our conception of revision will he only momentar- nal" and "extern.31."2 Internal revision refersto the ily clarified if we forget about when it takes place in 'Donald H. Graves and his colleagues at the University of New Hamp- the linear organization of the composingprocess and shire noticed precisely such a progression as a mark of development in the define it more operationally as the thinking and be- young writers they studied. That is to say, they observed children at one havior that writers engage in whenever they rework stage making language choices and alterations on paper which, at a later any piece of a text that they have already drafted or stage in their development, they would make mentally. partially drafted. As every writing teacher knows, 2Donald M Murray, "Internal Revision. A Process of Discovery," in Learning by Teaching: Selected Articles on Writing and Teaching. Upper however, not all redrafting entails revision. Formany Montclair, N.J.: Boynton Cook Pubs., Inc. 1982.

155 =CI process through which writers, in the production, eval- stance of their ideas in a fairly complete form.Incom- uation, and amendment of theirown emerging texts, petent writers, on the other hand, gradually discover for themselves what seem to give most of it is that they their attention to form rather thancontent from the mean to say. External revision, in contrast, entailsthe moment they begin writing. Typically, amending of an already written poor writers text for the sake of a pause so frequently to amend their languageor cor- reader, so that the reader will beable to understand it rect real or imagined mechanical as unambiguously and efficiently errors that they are as possible. unable to develop or followany continuous line of Virtually every theory of the composingprocess thought long enough to implicitly or explicitly postulates see what it is. Their thinking, internal and external therefore, appears to be discontinuousand impover- revision. Sondra Perl speaks ofthem under the head- ished. ings of "retrospective" and "projective"structuring.3 She defines the first as theprocess through which wri- The Dimensions of Competence inRevision ters, in composing, use their languagenot to communicate something they already know butto come to If we reflect on the kind of thinkingthat is entailed in revising, in any of its modesor stagesthat is, in the early stage of revising to discoverone's ideas, in the later stage of amendinga text to suit the needs of Editing is easy. All you have to do iscross one's readers, or even in thestage of copy editing and out the wrong words. proofreadingwe will see thattwo apparently oppo- MARK TWAIN site acts of mind are required. Theseare commitment and detachment. In identifying the writer's commitmentas a dimension of his or her competenceto engage in revision, I know for themselves somethingthey do not yet know am acknowledging the fact that writinginsofaras it except as a vague feeling or "felt sense." Shepoints calls for revisionis characteristicallya difficult, frus- out, furthermore, that whenwe discover and give trating, and time-consumingprocess. Inexperienced articulate shape to our inchoate feltsense of a mean- writers frequently experience thedifficulties of the ing, we necessarily restructureour sense of what the task as evidence of theirown incompetence as writers. meaning is that we are tryingto articulate. Retrospec- Experienced writers know that frustrationand feel- tive structuring, then, refersto the way in which dur- ings of incompetenceare among the most difficult ing composition we oscillatebetween expression and challenges any writing task is likelyto pose for any revisionattempting to express whatwe do not yet writer. know and, through that attempt, revisingour sense of Only if we attribute enough valueto wliat we have whet it is we are trying tocome to know. to say are we likely to make the effort requiredto get Projective structuring, on the other hand,is directed our ideas straight, even for ourselves. The lesscom- not to the discovery and construction ofour emerging monplace our ideas and themore they derive from our meaning for ourselves, but to the communicationof a own independent thinking, themore difficult it is meaning we already know toour readers. It refers to likely to be for us to discover themfor ourselves or to the effort writers make to accommodatethe expres- articulate them precisely forour readers. When the sion of their ideas to the needs of theirauditors or to task of articulation feels impcssibleor too arduous to the requirements of a situation. It wouldinclude revis- endure (as it often will in composingany piece worth ing in order to usemore acceptable diction, to achieve writing), then we must depend in spiteof such feelings mechanical correctness,or to meet the requirements on our faith that the job we have takennn for our- of a specialized form (a laboratoryreport, research selves can be completed and thatwe arr. capable of paper, and so forth). completing it. Thus, of thetwo qualities of mind that All competent writersengage irr some projective account for a writer's competence in revision,the first structuring. All want to meet the needsof their read- of them, commitment, requirestwo underlying acts of ers. V'ever, studies of the differences between the the willone finding value in thecompletion of the comp ,g processes of competent and incompetent writing task and the other, consistingof faith (despite writers consistently reveal thatcompetent writers, in feelingto the contrary) in one's capacityto meet the most of their composing, are principallyengaged in challenge of the task. retrospective structuring, turningmore to projective The second enabling or prerequisite skillfor compe- structuring only after they have discovfeed the sub- tence in revision is the intellectual skill ofdetachment. This entails distancing ourselvesfrom our own writing 'Sondra Pert, "Understanding Compming," CollegeComposition and in order to take the perspectiveof a reader. Such a Communication, Vol. 31 (December, 1980), 363-369. perspective is especiallynecessary as writers move

156 ;6

WI I al c woo- moulem. usta argoomr 111.11011/1.111.110m from re:rospective structuring to projective from retain faith or confidence in their capacity to complete getting their ideas straight for themselves to getting it. Their capacity for the competent comp. . of the them straight for a reader, or in moving from writer- task will, in turn, be a function of their havn.earned based to reader-based revising. To the degree that wri- to detach themselves sufficiently from their text to ters appear able to make such a shift in perspective, engage in the evaluative and empathic procedures that we may say that they are exhibiting empathy. As a revising entails as they attempt to discover their ideas competence underlying detachment, empathy refers to for themselves and adjust their discourse to the needs a writer's or speaker's ability to see things from some- of their readers. Graphically, we may represent the one else's point of view. The more writers want to dimensions of competence in revision as shown in have an impact on their readers, the more they need to Figure 27. understand how readers are likely to respond to their discourse. Empathy does not quite describe the underlying skill that enables writers to achieve the kind of dis- COMPETENCE IN REVISION tance or detachment that is necessary for internal revisionthe revision through which wr.Irs gradually discover and take possession of their ownemerg- ing ideas. Here it is not necessary to imaginatively Affective dimension Cognitive dimens. project oneself into the mind of some other reader, but to assume the detached perspective of oneselfas reader rather than writer of the text being produced. Commitment Deta ..,:zent Competent writing and revising requires writers, at intervals, to step back from the production of their texts wit`. sufficient distance to judge whether or not the words appearing on the page match theirsense of Value Faith EmpathyDistancing the intended meaning. When writers as readers finda for evaluation mismatch, they also find opportunities to work further and discovery to discover their intended meaning or, just as likely, to revise their intention. Fig. 27. Dimensions of Competence in Revision Competence in revision, as I have defined it, may therefore be said to have two principal dimensions:an affective dimension, which I have called commitment; Strategies to Develop Competence in Revision at.1 a cognitive dimension, which I have called detachment. The first is a function of writers' attitudes A variety of instructional strategies are available for the teacher who is intent on helping students acquire toward themselves and their tasks; the second, of their cognitive abilities to perform the tasks. For any task the disciplines of commitment and detachment that of composing, writers will be committed to the degree underlie competence in revision. Many of themare described elsewhere in this book. They include the that they value the assignment they are engaged in and use of writing-response groups of the sort proposed by Peter Elbow; the use of "read-around groups," as described by Jenee Gossard; and considerable effort at following Mary K. Healy's advice about finding genuine situations that call for real communicative writing for students instead of "dummy runs." Taken together, activities like these help students discover the value of writing as a genuine communicative act directed toward a real audience whose differingpers- pectives must be taken into account. Building Communities of Writers. Students in writing-response groups, in particular, learn to become more empathic readers, not simply from getting the responses of others to their own work, but from read- ink, the work of peers and thereby seeing through their own expriencc what readers need and can expect from writers like themselves. Writing-response groups can also be important for what they contribute to

"i es C) Z-) 157 turning the writing class into a community of writers. perhaps receivedsome responses on them from peer In such a community, much of the conversation and readers) should they be requiredto commit them- instruction are focused on the difficultiesand chal- selves to the further revision of their lenges that the student writers most promising encounter while they pieces in progress. Realreseeing (revision), rather are engaged in the composing process. Throughsuch than obedient tinkering with the surface discussions, students usually find themselves features of better the text, will occur when writershave a sense of the able to work out the self-managementstrategies they value of their thoughts and have need to sustain the effort that revision often a need to enhance, requires. clarify, recast, or elaborateon their original messages. Ideally, teachers will become activemembers of their classroom communities ofwriters by writing along with their students and sharingtheir experi- To most composition teachers and ences of anxiety, frustration, and satisfaction inthe researchers, revision is regardedas an iso- composing process. Studentsne, -2 to see their teach- lated noncreative activity, ers write in order to see that the most accomplished as interesting, writers are not those who write perhaps, as an autopsy. most easily. They need NANCY SOMMERS to see how much it is the case that thecompetence of most writers consists less of facility thanof staying powera power that derive., from their recognitionof A related way to nurture revisionas an integral part lb- value of the enterprise theyare engaged in and of the composingprocess for our students is to pro- from their faith in their capacityto continue a alaug vide them with lots of experiencesin experimental and progress in it, even after they begin to feel defeatedby exploratory writing in journalsor notebooks. These it. can serve as repositories for ideas, lists,clusters, and starts on drafts that writersmay return to selectively F to find material worth developing into completedpieces of writing. Students will benefitparticularly from being encouraged to doa good deal of free-writing (nonstop recording ofa writer's continuous thoughts on a subject) in such notebooks. The virtue of free- writing in teaching revision is thatit helps writers discover the value of their "naked" thoughtsthoughts that can sometimes be discoveredmost fully when the writers attend only to them, puttingaside momentar- ( ily the distractions ofa cnacern for correctness or form or the needs ofa reader. Even for very young writers, one of the first steps towardlearning to revise seems to come with the recognition that in theintial stages of one's writing, it isan acceptable and proper procedure to producemessy, incorrect, and hastily composed work that is intendedas material for revision. Inviting Drafting and Redrafting. Ifwe want our students truly to revise,we need to give them oppor- Authorship as a Motive for Revision tunities to get a number writing projects startedso Among the most effective strategies that they may choose to revise only teachers can those that hold use to help students discover the value of their the most interest or promise forthem. Most of us own produce many starts ideas (and hence the value of clarifyingand communi- a few notes, some pages of an cating them) is that of taking thoseideas setiously early drafton projects thatare simply not worth examining them not with the revising or else need to be put aside for eye of a corrector but the months or with the respect ofone who would learn from them, A years it might take before we ripen to the challenge teacher who can give the time and they pose. Teach rs who concentrated effort want to make their classes required to respond to student writingas a partner in into authentic environments for writingand revising an intellectual dialogue will find that several benefits will, therefore, deliberately cultivatethe production of flow from it. First, the teacher's actions a great many starts on pieces in testify to the progress, quit' rough vlhie of a student's ideas. Second, theteacher will be drafts that may ormay not be taken any further. Only modeling a mode of response that studentswould do when students have had theopportunity to produce well to imitate in responding to each three or four such pieces in rough other's work as first-draft form (and well as to literature and other assignedreadings.

158 17u Finally, the dialogue between student-writer and In another metaprocessing activity students write teacher-respondent (which can be continues with an brief summary statements of each of their completed answering response from the student and another drafts (or of each paragraph) in the form of what from the teacher) offers both participants an oppor- Linda Flower calls a WIRMI statement: "What I tunity for additional learning through their continu- Really Mean Is. ."4 Having written WIRMIs, stu- ing exchange and clarification of ideas- -an exchange dents may be able to stand far enough back front their that continues to take place in writing. essays to ask productively if they actually said in the School writing assignments often subvert thenor- essays what they meant to say. An exceptionally prom- mal relationship that emerges between the writer and ising activity of this sort is to ask students to write reader by asking students to write on subjects about revised drafts of their essays without looking back at which they are less well-informed than their teachers their first drafts and then to have students write a are. In such a transaction the writer is relieved of most comparison of the two versions. Since the two ver- of the responsibility that a real author bears foraccom- sions will tend to be very different (especially for the modating what he or she has to say to the understanding poorest writers), the task of comparing them forces of his or her readers. Teachers who would have their the ,,riters to pay close attention to the written con- students develop a capacity for detachment will there- tent of their two essays, separate from whatever inten- fore encourage them to write on topics about which tions may have informed either or both of them.5 This they (the students) have more authoritative knowl- distancing exercise provides practice in assuming the edge than their readers. detached perspective that one needs to revise effectively. A much simpler distancing assignment, yet one that Metaprocessing as a Strategy for Revision almost always yields surprising benefits for unskilled Aside from having their students write about what writers, is to have students read drafts of theiressays they know with some authority (i.e., as "authors'), aloud before they revise or submit them. Thiscan be teachers can help students develop their ability for done in the presence of another person, in the context detachment or perspective-taking by employing a of a writing group, or even in private. When writers number of instructional methods that may be loosely read their texts out loudto themselves or to other characterized as metaprocessing activities. These are personsthey become more apt to hear the text them- activities that call on students to treat theirown texts selves. Unskilled student writers rarely reread their and writing processes as objects of inquiry. Metapro- texts out loud as they compose. Skilled writers almost cessing describe; most of the talk that takes place in always do. writing-response groups and in teacher-student conferences. Such talk can sometimes become more Publishing as a Strategy to Encourage Revision focused and productive if students are asked to keep Publishing is the last insti actional strategy I want writing-process logs in which they record and reflect to mention here feu its role in encouraging revision. on their composing processes, including:ir responses However much we may want through our writing to to each of their own completed drafts for each writing gain possession of our thoughts or to communicate task they undertake. with our readers, no inducement to revision is likely to Most of the revising and editing tricks that expe- carry us as far through the difficulties of the process as rienced teachers are fond of showing to their students the prospect of having our work published. Many also entail metaprocessing. One such trick is to have forms of publishing are possi'ile within the context of students outline drafts of their essays after they finish a classroom, particularly if we think of publication in them. From such an outline students can gainnew its root sense of "making public." These formscan perspectives on the structure of their essays on the range from having students read their work out loud relative emphasis they have given to main and subor- to the entire el ass, to posting work on bulletin boards dinate points and on the progression of their arguments. or in school display cases, to producing dittoed, mimeographed, or photocopied anthologies of student work from a single class. Many teachers have Pruning. writingis thesame as pruning found that in working on long-term projects, students apple trees; ikepointis not so Inuchio will be encouraged to revise carefully when they know that they will individually make a hard-cover binding get the'cleadtranehes (which are ekOnonth ova.) as- it ista;hape the Linda Flower, Problem-Solving Sirategse.5 for Krum. New York. tree to produce tie best Po-PO lc frnit. Harcourt Brace Jovanovich, 'nc., 198!. BM/CEP:80570N 'Will Garrett-Petts of the University of British Columbia has expen- mented with the technique of withholding first drafts while students create a second.version. 17 159 for their completed workso that it might be kept in communicate something of value and thedetachment the classroom or library forreference by future stu- required to discover, articulate, and dents. The promise of publication reformulate an is a promise of intended meaning foran intended audience. Taken fame, however limited. If thatmakes it appealing toa together they imply a vespect student's vanity, it is surely on the part of the a tolerable vanity and one teacher for the process of composing andan apprecia- that can do a writer much good. tion of the importance of The strategies I have identified a humanly rich communica- here are all aimed at tive context, both for the acquisition of fostering in students the commitment competence in necessary to composition and for its realization inperformance.

I'. I

(ages in When they have completed their roughdrafts, we the Revising review the rubric (the criteriaon which the paper will Process be evaluated), whichwas initially introduced before the first draft. The students thenexamine their own By Michael O'Brien papers, asking themselves, "Okay, how doesmy rough draft measure up?" After reviewingthe rubric, we dis- Eng;:sh Teacher, Foothill High School, cuss typical problems with that assignment. Tustin Unified School District; For a descriptive paper, I mightwarn students against telling and Teacher/Consultant, UCI WritingProject rather than showing, for example.At this stage, I am trying tO help them to envision Good writers are "schizophrenic," their ideal paper that some claim. Cer- might evolve from the rough draft, tainly, they tend to be fluent, imaginative much as a sculptor creators; on might imagine a supple human figure the other hand, most writers alsoseem to be meticu- emerging from a marble block. (Whether doneconsciously or subcon- lous, disciplined craftsmasters. WilliamBlake, the sciously, this is, I believe, English artist, poet, and visionary, a creative act.) With the actually created his rubric and my commentsas guides, I ask them to own complex mythology. Yet what book ofpoems revise for content and form, has such exquisite, carefulsymmetry as his Songs of cautioning them not to worry much about editing at thisstage. They will Innocence and of Experience?' WildWilliam must have been a careful reviser. Likewise, probably still be doingsome shaping and rough wwk we teachers The delicate stuffcomes later. want student fluency and creativity;yet we also preach, "Revise! Revise! Revise! Theway to Heaven is through revision!" But howcan we teach revision? And are the acts of creation andrevision really that When you and your class readyour writ- opposite? ing out loud, you often hear thingsin I am not sure that wecan teach revision any more that you do not experienceany other way. than we can teach creativity.However, we can give F 'TER ELBOW guidelines, we can model behavior andwe can provide opportunities where effectiverecision, like creativity, can take place. Revision is a recursive process After this stage or revision is completed,we spend a within the larger writingprocess. I would like to de- period grading and discussing sample scribe the opportunities for effective papers accord- revision that ing to the rubric. In the followingperiod my students have been working formy students. score and write comments on each other's revised Students should not revisetoo early in the writing copy in peer-response groups. By this time, they have process. I ask them to refrain from revisingor editing read quite a few papers. This, along while they are prewriting and doing with comments the rough draft. on their revisions, helps them move closerto that ideal Revising at this stagecan seriously hamper fluency. paper still forming in their minds. Instead, they should be carvingout big blocks of Now they are ready to write thought and trying to fit them a semifinal copy and to together into a coherent edit. I am also preparedto help them individually by structure. They should be using the malletand chisel, giving oral evaluations at not the jeweler's file. my desk. Research indicates that the teacher's comments havethe most impact 'William Blake, Songs of Innocence and of Experience.New York: now, while the students work on theirpapers, not Oxford University Press, Inc., 1977. after they have written final drafts. Isee myself here as

160 a sensitive audience and partner; I can give them ing composing and revising physically less demand- insight into what works and what does not. ing. The final in-class step occurs when the semifinal A word processor is any type of system for typing copies are done. I ask them to edit each other'spapers text material into a computer and editing, changing, in their response groups, equipped with dictionaries or correcting the text easily and efficiently. Essentially, and grammar books. I do not answer questions that a word processor is a computer loaded with a word pro- they can find by "looking them up." (Thiswas a tough cessing program, written on a storage deviceusually lesson for me, the big dad, to learnto discover that a floppy disk. With a word processor, the author dis- in the long run I was not helping them by beinga covers or creates content and shapes and edits this walking reference book.) In this last step, they polish content while'the computer holds the text in memory. and tinker and adjust. Then they write final copy, The author can revise and edit his or her piece by which probably means even more fine tuning. pushing the appropriate keys. When the piece is fin- These techniques work for my students. S:nce they ished, the author presses other keys to obtaina paper must turn in material from all of the stages of revision copy that is clean from cross-outs, inserts, carets, for the assignment, I can see that the difference smudges, and deletion marks. The process is simple, between the rough and final drafts is usually vast. I legible, and immediate and leads to easier and faster have also noticed that as the semester progresses, they writing and revision. t only get better at revising, but they also become Word processing is a potentially powerful tool in firmly c..mvinced of the need for it. They have also had the quest to improve student writing. In order to the satisfaction of seeing the refined paper unfold explain how word processingcan be used to help stu- from the rough copy. And I do not know of one students, I would like first to review the characteristics of dent who has become schizophrenic from using this competent and incompetent bLadent writers. Research process. shows that competent writers generally write longer essays, spend more time on writing tasks, and pause more often to reflect on their writing. Competent wri- yes, There Is a ters also revise their texts while rereading them and are far more concerned with planning, more aware of Better Way: Revising audience, and more considerate ofpurpose and stylis- - onthe Word Processor tic concerns of an assignment than incompetent writers are. Competent writers also view revision as res- tructuring of content and ideas. These characteristics By Russell Frank reflect the high degree of commitment competent wri- English and Journalism Teacher, ters feel for their writing. Chaparral Middle School, Incompetent writers generally are concerned too Walnut Valley Unified School District; soon ch. -ing their writing with form and mechanics and Teacher/Consultant, UCI Writing Project and, therefore, spend less time developing the content of their piece. They try to "follow the rules" of writing I remember the drudgery of learning how to write in an attempt to make their first draft their final draft. as a childof painfully scratching out letter after let- Incompetent writers view revision as a patchworkof ter with sore, tender red finge.s. Meanwhile, my mind getting what was written worded correctly and ofcor- raced ahead of my hand, and, as a result, only I could recting mechanics and spellinc. These writers, accord- interpret the scrawl left on the p age. There had to bea ing to Sheridan Blau, are dei_zient in two dimensions better way. or writing and revising: an affective dimension that My typing ability quickened my composing pro- includes commitment and a cognitive eimension that cess, but revising and editing remained just as tedious. includes detachment. Incompetent wr',ers generally I remember the times just before a paper was due when it was no longer worth the pain of erasing and retyping a page to clarify a vague point or argument Word processing is a poten- buried in the text. There had to be a better way. tially powerful tool in the In the summer of 19aL, I experienced howv, ord quest to improve student processing could improve my composing and revising writing. skills. My writing kept closer pace with my thoughts, RUSSELL FRANK and I no longer needed to type draft after draft, shaping my ideas on a tyrwriter. Now I believe this tech- nology could improve many students' writing by mak- have a low sense of commitmentto their writing obtain feedback on its effectiveness.My own observa- because (1) they do not value thepiece's importance;or tion of writing (2) they do not believe intheir ability to complete the response groups without accessibility to a word processor indicatedthat, even after success- writing task. They alsousually lack detachment from their writingan ability ful group interaction,many students failed to incor- to step back from their piece porate their classmates' suggestions and view the content froma reader's point of view. in their second The word processor drat:,,, probably because itwas too much to bother to can help students to improve write the extra text neededto clarify a point. With their writing in boththe affective and cognitive electronic editing, such revisionsbecome simple and dimensions of writing andrevision by making the quick. Instead of taking writing act easier, faster, home an essay to reviseover- and more efficient. Word night, studentscan obtain some feedback from their processing enhances the affectivedimension by increasing groups, incorporate the suggestions inthe essay, and the student's faith in hisor her ability to complete the often obtain a writing task. Additions, paper copy within the same class deletions, substitutions, and period. By allowing studentsto incorporate peer feedback immediately, the wordprocessor enables the writer to see his or her work from theperspective of a 1.f****-W 00, 44:we reader. As this concept of audience uittesto broadens, the student may gain enough criticaldistance (or detachment) to begin to anticipatehow the reader will -140Otim*i0.-*#.0! nlythisethaf:Id respond or, better yet,to plan his or her writing to MOO oiti;t; manipulate the reader'sresponse.

the reordering of words,phrases, sentences, andpara- giaphs can be executedimmediately without clutter- ing the page or necessitatingthe recopying of an entire 11. text. This power for immediaterevision is the word processor's greatestpower, because students are freed from early concerns regardingcorrectness and form. Students know theycan make editing corrections as 4, well as reshape entire paragraphslate in the process with the sameease that they made earlier modifica- tions. Writingnow becomes a mode of discoveryof thought and meaningofcreating and developing contentwhat Sondra Perl label^retrospective struc- Jr turing.1, 2 I haveseen a child move from total rejection 1111130' of writing to *ntense interestand involvement withina few weeks c being introducedto the word processor. Clearly, that child's ability,desire, and commitment to complete a writing taskincreased with the mechanical advantages of thecomputer. The word processorcan also be used in conjunction with peer response The teacher can also playa role in helping students groups to develop the cognitive achieve enough detachment dimension of writing and to revise what they have revising, because itencour- written. By writingcomments in the electronic text ages detachment from a piece of writingin order to that require clarification see an audience's point of view. During cm explanation, teachers can small group encourage students to see their writing interaction, students read theirwork to each other to as a reader might interpret it. Andbecause revision is easyon a word processor, onecan expect a student to rethinka 1In my own personal experience, Iam aware of how much more I utilize paper and make appropriate changesas a result of a retrospective structuring when I writewith my computer. In this article, peer group's or teacher's feedback. for example, each paragraph andmany sentences have been restructure(' during my initial composing duringmy search for the "right" meaning. In For word processing to havea significant impact on contrast, 1 am less willing to experiment with ideas and text when Iam the quality of student writing, composing with pen and teanhers as well as stu- paper. dents must internalize what ismeant by revisionthat 2Sondra Perl, "Understanding Composing,^ogege Composition and it is not just copyingover or correcting mechanical Communication,Vol. 31 (December, 1980), 369. errors but rr3eeing and reshapingan imended message

162 1.1 .11i* for an audience. A teacher's own sense of what revision is will probably have the greatest influenceon students' attitudes. After all, the human being is still more of a motivator than a machine is. But the word processor can contribute greatly to the writing process STS if it is used wisely. Yes, there is a better way! 1.

EDITOR'S NOTE. For additional information on the use of computersin writing, see pages 8, 9, aad 59-62 in Handbook for Planningan Effective Writing Program, which was published by the California State Depart- ment of Education in 1983.

Revising with Sentence Combining By Jerry Judd English and Journalism Teacher, Venado Middle School, Irvine Unified School District; and Teacher/Consultant, UCI Writing Project. I have found the practice of sentence combining in Writing is one of the few communicationprocesses my classroom to be beneficial for a variety of reasons. that allows the communicator the luxury of revision. If sentence combining is introduced early in a writing This can involve revision of thought, of structure, of class and practiced regula.iy, it can have a positive style, of writing to an audience, and generally of writ- influence on the attitudes of writers, especially begin- ing to produce a certain effect on the reader. When ning writers. Generally, there is a built-in tension and one is transforming initial thoughts to print, ideas do pressure in the act of composing a piece of written not generally flow in an orderly, linear, well-planned text. This anxiety is often self-imposed by the writer manner. In fact, many writers need to generate ideas who is struggling to "get it right" the first time around. on paper in the form of fragments, jottings, and dis- Mina Shaughnessy points out in Errors and Expectations: connected sentences before they can make composing The practice of consciously transforming sentences decisions that are compatible with theirpurpose add from simple to complex structures... helps the student their audience. cope with complexity in much the same way as finger Sentence combining can be an invaluable tool in the exercises in piano or bar exercises in ballet enable per- evolution of a piece of writing from prewriting to formers to work out specific kinds of coordination that rough draft to finished product. Teaching sentence must be virtually habitual before the performer is free to combining is not, in itself, teaching writing; rather, it interpret or even execute a total composition.' is a means of increasing a writer's options interms of This practice, or prewriting, not only raises the abil- fluency, form, and correctness, enabling the writer to ity of student writer to manipulate language, but it create his or her own style. also raises the level of confidence that student writers have in their ability to manipulate language. This releases them to generate more fluent first drafts that .ReWritiogis*Ire.nptaj)ivritOtigilljt,gets can be reworked and polished in the later stages of composing. three livings and; otc're out, In rei Sentence combining can enhance form and correct- :t ness as well as fluency. Sentence pattern., pronoun ,1160,0,010,0.41t#140.Y0011000..f. usage, and punctuation can all be introduced and wane?* jaukifOw;;$00800,'110)4011 mastered through practice and problem solving. I ,c) NbiLsIMoW 'Mina P Shaughnessy Errors and Expectations. A Guide for the Teacher of Basic Writing New York Oxford University Press, Inc., 1977, p. 77. Used by permission of the publisher.

75 163 To integrate sentencecombining into the revision of their own writing, Ihave students selectan earlier Style is hot a fashionablegarment you put journal entry or free-writing on; style is what you exercise that theyare are; what you have interested in revising.They find paragraphs, to say as well as how sen- you say.it. tences, or sections from their writingwhich are short 'DONALD MURRAY and choppy arid need work.They pull these excerpts from their papers andexperiment with revising them in a variety,of ways through sentence combining.Peer usually begin with the firstpart of Charles Cooper's groups can provide valuable feedbackfor the author when he or she must decide "An Outline for WritingSentence-Combining Prob- which of the new varia- lems."2 I write sample tions represents thegreattst improvementover the sentences, such as the ones original. These selections below, and challenge studentsto combine them in as are then inserted in the many ways as they can. revised version of thestudent's writing. Having students make The people on the boat askedus to come aboard. up their own sentence- The boat wasalongside. combining exercises fromspelling lists, vocabulary lists, or other units of studycan also be done. Here is We sailed in the boat. an example of part of a student-produced The boat was theonewith the blue sail. sciitence- combining activity froman eighth grade spelling list: To encourage studentsto experiment with language use and sentence structure, I givefull credit for each variation of the initialsentences. Student-Produced Sentence Spelling List Combining Activity Once students are adeptat sentence combining, I use it as a means to teach not just I. sophomore He was a wrestler. sentence variation 2. wrestler He fought on Wednesday. and length but also style.Using the literaturewe study 3. colonel as a resource, I either select He was full of haughtiness. or let students choose 4. Wednesday She was a sophomore. passages that they must break downfrom complex 5. laboratory into kernel She works in a laboratory. or base sentences. Then they mustrecom- 6. haughtiness He w..s an old colonel. bine them by adding theirown modifiers and clauses. 7. yacht He liked sailing his yacht. As they "reconstitute" thestyles of professional wri- 8. autumn He sails in autumn. ters, they begin to inter nalizeelements of successful writing through imitation. After hay' lg the studentsdo the activities described After students are practicedin the sentence-combining previously for several weeks,I have found thatan technique, I turn their attentionto its use in the revi- instructional uniton the different sentencepatterns sion of their own prose. To begin the process, I takea .:an be invaluable. When Iam about halfway through section from one ofmy own stories, which I originally my sentence-combining unit, I teachstudents the sim- wrote with short, choppysentences and then later ple, compound, complex,and compound-complex revised using sentence-combiningtechniques: sentences over a several-week period.Once students His hair was dark, matted, are writing longer sentences, theywant to know and graying. It was pushed whether their longer back and was shiny with hairoil. It was wavy and neatly sentences are correct andnot trimmed around hisears and neck. run-ons. His dark, matted, In the end, perhaps the singlemost important crite- wavy hair was shiny from hair oil rion in teaching writing is and neatly trimmed aroundhis ears and neck. the amount of time students spend thinking about writing. A newspaper wason the stool next to Spence. 1.1(.: ThP more students picked it up after the first write, the more they beginto C....1K like writers. Sen- shot of whiskey. He read the tence combining is an excellent teaching names of writers given by-lineson the first page. tool to help After Spence downed his students gain control andconfidence over theirown first shot of whiskey, he writing. When students write picked up a newspaperon the stool next to him and read often and havecon, the names of writers given by-lineson the front page. dence in themselves as writers,they begin to domore offstage thinking about writing, We discuss the differencesbetween the two versions, composit.g, and revising in thei:. heads beforecommitting pen topaper. and we point out thechanges in style created bylon- They also have ger, more complex sentences. more options in how to go about communicating an intendedmessage. and can consciously plan not only what they =Charles Cooper, "An Outline for WritingSentence-Combining Prob. want to say but also lems," in The Writing Teacher's Sourcebook.Edited by Gary Tate and how they can bestexpress it. 1?"vising, then, becomes Edward P Corbett. New York: Oxford UniversityPress, Inc., 1981, p. an integral component of eachstage of the writing 372. process.

164 1-, Two Activities That Encourage Real Revision

By Trudy Beck English Teacher, El Toro High School, Saddleback Valley Unified School District; and Teacher/Consultant, UCI Writing Project

I spend considerable time and energy eachyear fighting the same battles, and one that Inever seem to win is the battle over rewrites. I say, "Rewrite," and somehow it is translated as "recopy." However, I have come up with a solution. It is not infallible, but it has been successful Simply stated, I collect and keep the draft, and then I ask for a rewrite. The reactions are what one might expect them to be. Looks of horror and disgust abound, andsomeone almost always cries, "Foul." It is then thatwe discuss one more time, for the record, the variety of approaches one can make to a topic. We review voice, point of view, and methods of organization and development. I follow this discussion with an extensiveprecompos- ing phase during which I introduce a variety of topics ably within their topics, and theirwriting develops that the students orally practice writing. tones of confidence and authority. I may suggest a potentially suspenseful event to An adjunct activity is to have one student rewrite begin the discussion. One student will invariablyar- another's paper. This exercise is especially useful for range the parts of that event in chronological order response partners. Each has a clearer understanding while another might offer a news story account with of the weaknesses in the other's draft and of the diffi- the most important information first. Givena contro- culties in handling the topic. The writer then has the versial issue, one will attempt to persuade, andone benefit of a peer model when he or she begins his or might choose to remain objective. One approachmay her own revision. The partner's version may offer be to begin with the least significant items; another fresh ideas; it may also expose unworkable alterna- will lead with the most important. One may support tives. Either way, it is helpful. with facts; another could offer examples. The students These revision activities scent to bring about the spot avenues open to them that they would not have most consistent change when repeated several times considered before. early in my course and then resurrected at random intervals thereafter. Probably the greatest long-range effect is an increased opportunity for the students to No inducement to revision is likely gain some distance from their work. With this distance, to carry us as far through the difficulties students take command of the subject. Without it, of the process as the prospect they do not control their writing; their writing con- of having our work published. trols them. SHERIDAN BLAU I tell my students that to bury an idea, a sentence, or even a topic may be to give it an hol arable death, and that to keep a poor draft in its fla led form is to Often the goal is for the writers to revise their work condemn it to a life of pain and distortion. I like to in essentially the same form. In this instance, the ear- draw an analogy between the revision process and an lier draft has been a rehearse for the purpose of incident in which a ceramics instructor admonished blocking and pacing. When the student writers are me to destroy the first hundred pots 1 threw on the forced to act without their original scripts, they potter's wheel. He said, in effect, "To keep each pot is become more familiar with their purposes and their to treat it as your child. It is not, and you are not unique messages; their rhythm becomes more even obligated to love it or to give it a home. Work until and their style more apparent. The writers move more you create something that deserves your admiration."

165 ",:.2isagt

Some BasicsThat Really DoLead toCorrectness By Irene Thomas Educational Consultant,IOTA, Inc.

When many English teachershear the word basics, they think of drills effective n- correctly formedadverbs in their writing. on grammar; that is, drills that lead And the rt. terse is also to the identification ofnouns, adverbs, subjects, and true: Many students who write well do not necessarilyperform well on standardized so forth. When parents and thesociety at large call for the basics, however, what grammar tests. The fact is thatthe two skillsare they usually mean is that indeed just thattwodifferent skills. Here students should be ableto correct such usagesas "we are several was" and "he done," write examples of modernresearch that supportthat in complete sentences with assertion: proper punctuation and spellin.4,and so on. We have been led to believe by thewriters of textbooks and I. Controlled studiesattempting to link the teach- traditional English curriculathat a connection exists ing of grammar withimprovement in writing between these two definitionsof the basics; indeed, it ability have so far beenunsuccessful.' is assumed thata teacher's drills ongrammar will 2. The work of Piaget, satisfy society's demands the prominent cognitive for correct performance. I psychologist, stronglysuggests that preadoles- question that assumption.In fact, I would attribute cents are not developmentally much of the so-called writing ready for the lev- crisis in our schoolsto els of abstractiondemanded in theprocess of that very assumption.When drills ongrammar are parsing. (That may be why used as the means toward so many ninth grad- better writing, precious time ers come to you still not knowingwhat a verb is, is wastedtime that couldbe better spenton actual much less a predicate.) writing tasks. First, let me suggest some reasons why 3. The most recent studies drills on grammarare a waste of time. of right and left brain domains suggest that thetasks involved with composing are right braintasks and those of . . . the teaching of formal grammar, if analyzing are left braintasks. We can at least divorced from theprocess of writing, has hypothesize, at this earlystage of the research, little or no effecton the that the two kinds of skills,when taught simul- writing ability of students. taneously, may createa neurological conflict HANDBOOK FOR PLANNING AN during the acquisition of writingskills. EFFECITYEWRITING PROGRAM 4. Finally, from whatresearchers know about the acquisition of oral language, Grammarthe analysis,or parsing, of sentences we can safely say that oral language isacquired biologically and is an abstract skill. It bearslittle or no relationshipto the production of a correct sentence. Anyone who has EDITOR'SNOTE: For specific citationson the research regarding taught knows that childrenor adolescents who can grammar and the teaching of writing,see pages 3 and 4 of Pk -.Wing an Effective Writing Handbook for locate an adverb in a Program,which the Department of Educa- sentence do not necessarilyuse tion published in 1983.

166 with data provided by the normal linguistic Most teachers have found that when they Integrate the environment. In other words, children are bio- basics with other content areas and present them as logically equipped to learn a language quickly. they occur naturally in written expression, the need for The language spoken around them serves as the grammatical terminology is substantially reduced data and the input to their language computer. even eliminated. Here are 12 practical sentence - exercises They know, for example, that er comparative that I hope you find helpful: endings are added to only one class of words. 1. Copying a sentence or two from the chalkboard And they will add the er to those words predict- or from a specific passage in a text. What could ably, even though they may not understand the be more basic? (These can later Serve as models term adjective until they are fifteen years of age. to imitate, as in exercise 2.) Now you might say that oral language and written 2. Replacing a word or phrase in a sentence with language differ considerably, even though the latter is some other word or phrasealso a very practi- roughly based on the former. Moreover, the special cal way to recycle a spelling list. requirements of the written forms and conventions (spelling, punctuation, sentence structure) require Third grade example: Jill sat on my hat. practiceeven drill. Yes, I fully agree; but it is the Ninth grade example: a won the competition kind of practice needed that we should consider because of our tremendous speed. carefully. 3. Unscrambling a scrambled sentence to produce All too often in the language arts, we spend our a real sentence. time allotted for revising skills on practice material Third grade example: like We boats. to sail (Punc- that is essentially impractical. We use textbook drills tuation and capitalization clues can be dropped on verbs or "grammar games" and then, we are led to later.) believe, our students will write correct sentences. Ninth grade example: are faster than he and I What tends to be missing in the process are those Harry (three possibilities) intermediate steps of copying, imitating, and manipu- A series of these scrambled sentences with pro- lating good models. Such models, in fact, can provide nouns helps to establish the relationship between the linguistic input to writing skills that is analogous form and position. to the "natural language data" necessary to oral language development. Many teachers have found that workirg with models tends to encourage carry-over of the information conveyed in modelsinformation r. about punctuation, spelling, sentence structure, verb 4 formsinto the students' independent composing. And do not miss an opportunity to use the students' own writing as a learning tool. The idea of being "cc r- rect" takes on a new importance when a studen. is genuinely concerned about communicating his or her message to an audience. Listed below are some examples of practical sentence-exercises that you can use almost daily in either your prewriting activities or your warm-up to the revising stage of the writing process. They can be adjusted for any grade level. The overall objective of these exercises is to develop students' eyes and ears identifying the correct written form of sentences. If you have students keep these exercises in a permanent 4. Replacing nonsense words with real words. notebook, you c.,,rt refer to a specific exercise or spe- The tin is mimming in the fass. cific sentence when tney need to "correct" something The tizzes are mimming in the fass. in their independent work. In almost every case, your The tizz mims demonstrating an example first is enough instruction The tizzes mimmed yesterday. to allow students to work on their own or with a This kind of exercise focuses attention on struc- partner. Whenever possible, create examples that tural clues and subject-verb agreement. relate to actual people, places, and activities to cap- 5. Changing declarative sentences into negations, ture the interest of your class. Use the sentence- questions, or imperatives. (Again, you can re- exerclses to reinforce the curriculum you are teaching. cycle spelling words.)

1 79 167 6. Using the sent ace machine. Make a sentence Example for grade four: Children/play. 'y choosing one word from each column, Have stu- as in dents add one word at a time to eachpart of the tlie examples below. Then repeat theprocess sentence, always keeping it a real sentence. Youcan and make as many other sentencesas you can. write their suggestionson the chalkboard, always EXAMPLE FOR GRADE THREE retaining the line between subjectand predicate. You can invite prepositional phrases They made the same game (treating them We ate a as single word adverbials) by asking the questions eight cages beginning with where, when, and Ray an late lunches how. If you are coLfcerned aboutthe recognition of EXAMPLE FOR GRADE NINE predicates on standardized examinations,you Because I werelate we werepunished can point out that the second part ofa sentence Since we wassick, I tookmedicine almost always begins witha verb (a word that Althoughthey obedient,theywas can take past tense). To draw attentionto helping verbs, youcan follow up the original 7. Mixing and matching (subjectsand predicates) exercise by demonstratingthe variations of to produce as many sentencesas possible. playplayed, have played,are playing, will EXAMPLE FOR GRADE THREE play, and so forthall of whichhave a time Those girls was naughty. dimension. Thereverse of this whole process, Henry is silly. perhaps most appropriateto upper grades; is My cat are my friends. the paring down ofan expanded simple sentence were away today. to its barest essentials. This isa most practical way to aid the conceptualization of subject/ predicate. 8. Punctuating sentences indiscourse. Third pade example: I wantsome bubble gum may I go to the store IheStaltitilpqintir the teaching of Ninth grade example: Repreucingally series of ctOitiiiiititiSt he' theteaeheesf-helief sentences, or a paragraph, froma text everyone has ihiit'elgiiirelp6iiesi. the te*isite (er:ninate capitalization and punc:,ation).Read the sentences aloud :,11,nguistic knowledge. so that students can associate 011'i*THOMAS pctuation with intonation clues.Then ask them to proof and correct the copy. Finally, letthe students compare their correct,,dversions with the 12. Sentence combining. This isprobably the best original text. method yet developed for teachingall the 9. Writing sentences, later wholeparagraphs, from important skills of sentence building.See the dictation. At any grade level, reada passage illustration on the next page fora suggested from a common text and thencompare with sequence of sentence-combining exercises that the original to allow for self-correction. are appropriate lor students in grades three 10. Playing the why through six. Additional materialon sentence game (invented by Frank combining may be found in Sentence Combin- O'Hare). This game both teaches and reviews ing: Improving Student Writing WithoutFor- mechanics. Have students lookat a paragraph in the text they have. Begin by mal Grammar Instruction by FrankO'Hare,' asking a ques- in Sentence Combining: A Cwposing tion about a specific Book by use of punctuation or capi- William Strong,2 and in the commentaries talization; e.g., "Why is there by a period after the William Lomax and Jerry Juddthat appear in word `time'?" T1 lf. student whoanswer.; cor- other sections of this book. Sentence-combining rectly may then ask a similar question of the exercises have also been adapted forcomputer class and so on. Youcan provide. the answer instruction.3 when students cannot.

11. Expanding the world's shortestsentence. This !Frank O'Hare, Sentence Combining; ImprovingStudent Writing technique works well in grades Without Formal Grammar Instruction. Urbana, Ill.: NationalCouncil four and above of Teachers of EngEsh, 1973. to help students developa sense f^r the two- 2William Strong, Sentence Combining: AComposing Book. New part structure of the Englishsentence. The York: Random House, Inc., 1983. terms subject and predicatecan be sJed, if 3Irene and Owen Thomas, Sentence Combining I and 3.(Consists you wish, once the studentscan easily perform of six diskettes, teacher's guide, reproduciblemasters, and a binder.) the tasks involved. St. Louis, Mo.: Milliken Publishing Co. (P.O. Box21579, St. Louis, MO 63132), 1984.

168 1 f'; 0 A POSSIBLE SEQUENCE OF SENTENCE-COMBINING EXERCISES FOR GRADES THREE THROUGH SIX

Note: The grammatical terminology used here is directed to the teacher, not the pupil.

GRADE THREE 1. Inserting adjectives and adverbs Examples: I ate the hamburger. /atz the soggy hamburger. The hamburger was soggy. Harry is a roller skater. 1 He is good at it. Harry roller skates.[good.. He is good at it. .well" 1 Children are playing. They are playing in the schoolyard.) 2. Producing compound subjects and objects Examples: Maria wanted some bubble gum. Maria and Jose wanted some bubble gum. Jose wanted some bubble gum. [and] 1 Maria wanted bubble gum. Maria wanted popcorn. [and] 3. Producing compound subjects and objects with pronouns. Examples: He likes bubble gum. [and].,} He and I like bubble gum. I like bubble gum. Peter gave her a puppet.[and] } Peter gave me a puppet.

GRADE FOUR Review of the above, plus: 1. Producing compound sentences with and and but. Example: John went to the movies. I didn't want to go. [+ but]} John went to the movies, but I didn't want to go. 2. Producing parallel sequences Example: Maria wanted a bike. Maria wanted a doll. [, ....,_and______] Maria wanted a bike, a doll, and a baseball bat. Maria wanted a baseball bat. 3. Producing possessive nouns Example: I like the sailboat. ). I like Henry's sailboat. It is Henry's. 4. Producing sentences with adverbial clauses, using connecting words, such as because, after, until, and when Examples:

We went to the store. [because] We went to the store because we wanted some bubble gum. We wanted some bubble gum. I finished the book. ' I went back to the library,[when_,_____J

... 18J 169 GRADES FIVE AND SIX Review of the above, plus: 1. Producing sentences withrelative clauses Example: The girl will win a prize. The girl is the best player.[who] } The girl who is the best player willwin a prize. 2. Inserting participial phrases Examples: My favorite book is Charlotte'sWeb. 1 It was written by E. B. White. My favorite book is Charlotte's Wt.-.1.-,written by E B. White. My father is busy. He is playing football. 3. Inserting appositives Example: Grandma is coming to visit.r Grandma is a fatuous cook. u ----J Grandma, a famous cook, is corningto visit.

4. Multiple c.)mbinations(with more thanone possible answer) Examples: I ate the hamburgers. Henry also ate the hamburgers. They were soggy. Henry and I ate the soggy, stale hamburgersquickly. They were stale. We ate them quickly. A Wrinkle in Time isa book. It is written by Madeleined'Engels. I would recommend it. People my age would Ile it.

By way of a conclusion, I offer two suggestionsto In these ways, those teachers whoagree that the approaches I have we will be "putting grammar in its place," doing noone a disservice, and realizing described are both basicand sound alterr itivesto our traditional grammar: mutual priorities ata time when our profession is being called on to doso. IIf your school districtuses standardized examinations, ask for a periodicreview and evaluation of these examinations. Iftheir measure of writing ability is limitedto the skill of identifying subject and verb,press for the elimination of such examinations. A district-madetest that uses the kinds of tasks describedabove, combined with a writing sample, willprovide much sounder indices of a student's writingability. 2. If your district andcommunity insist tha'grammar be taught somewhere in thecurriculum, press for the creation ofan elective course in ilr . .,...... " grammar (perhaps two semesters)at the high srliool level. Sucha course, highly recommended i to students studying foreign ,,... ,... languages or prepal ,,,...*4..... ing for college,can be designed for puregram- mar instruction as an intellectual exercise.We all know that a course like thistaught by someone who is enthusiastic aboutparsing and diagramming can be great funas well as a rewarding challenge.

170 1 2 IMMMINIblE111111111Er

. I . I I' 1

aking five class periods. I give each student two letter gradesone for his or her contributions to the group Correctness Creative: and one for the individual poster. The "Snurdles" Project I have found that students enjoy this project and have much greater success in identifying parts of Sandra Barnes speech in their own work than in isolated examples Riverbank High School, written by someone else. Because the students are ap- Oakdale Joint Union High School District; plying grammatical knowledge to their own writing, and Teatiter/Consultant, UCI Writing Project they become more aware of when and where parts oti speech are used in senteires. The need for transition As English teachers, we are usually required to to build in continuity is also important in the project teach grammar because, supposedly, it will help stu- and helps stud ents in future writing assignments. dents write better. However, research indicates that a Overall, the project can positively affect the students' knowledge of grammar has very little effect on how attitudes toward grammar as well as their aptitudes well students write. Despite these data, most public for using parts of speech appropriately in their own schools still give instruction in grammar. With that in writing. mind, I tried in my "Snurdles" project to bri:ig the The following is a sample of an eighth grade group's teachin3 of grammar and writing together. I postu- "Snurdles" project, as written by the students and lated that if students were challenged to apply what with the parts of speech underlined by the students: they knew about grammar in their own compositions, then correctness could be a creative enterprise that CLOSE ENCOUNTERS OF THE ITCHY KIND would foster long-term editing abilities. I was inspired to make correctness creative by a set NOUNS of posters called "Snurdles," published by the Perfec- This is a story about a poor canine named Butch, who tion Form Company.' The set tells z short funny had a terrible personal problem. Well, you see, he had a flea story, with each poster emphasizing one part of family of who knows how many living in his fur. They speech. I thought it would be educational and enter- began = living in" Butch, well, his fur that is, last summer taining to have students c 'eate their own posters illus- while he was at an annual flea market. Now there are mil- trating the parts of speech. lions of them infested in Butch. Butch had gone so crazy I use the original "Snurdles" posters as models for because of these fleas that he had even tried to get an the students. They read the posters and use them as exterminator to exterminate him. He figures that if he points of departure to create their own characters and stories. After providing a working definition of the carts of speech, I ask the students to work in groups of six to collaborate on a "Snurdles" project. Chose Encounters Each group decides on a character and a series of events or adventures for their story. Each student in the group writes one paragraph that emphasizes one part of speech. The whole group then reviews what hz3 been written and polishes the writing to provide transitions and continuity between the parts. When the story is finished, each paragraph and its part of speech are written and illustrated on posters. The entire group is responsible for the correctness of the finished' product. When working on this unit, I have the students do most of the writing in class with their groups. I move among the groups giving help and advice and monitoring their progress. Usually, the project takes about 'NOTE: The address for the Perfection Form Company is 100 Noth Second Ave., Logan, IA 51546: telephone 8)0- 831 -4190.

171 1 CM( .) k;) jumps in a pool, he will drown all ofthese fleas and that will be the end of this "itchy" ordeal! ak Aro:" a.eJ444:4tga,:c14, Ad, IP I t/lzt.k..ot.i4,44 e4/4w.t.e)Welkip1/40'. ater a'fy..J-0f4'2, zle514 aa've"tutt Jody,trociet ..,:, vikty,,,-..er.<24rep, ADJECTIVES 4 ;#01,Ase,t0,,en.e..:a .. 4 ..sesiz2.4 atattlairy.e.ft..4.1 Azr.Se.evxoca:re:4.# 4.d.v43,.--an.424.n.asee$aeue yfi, All of a sudden the little fleassaw a mean looking dog "It ...1,esez%-.z in..z(z..e.yactrip 74.adf..eac 4, Aucke.4. .44c 4&vAsseek0te47freliax244 0 named Butch, running towarda deep pool. The tiny fleas 4,d44 uxitra' ,aCe ,elee4.74,4 decided to try to build

INTERJECTIONS As the fleas jumpedon the ark, there was noise and PRONOUNS excitement. Everyone was yelling things back and forth. As The flea family s ark was (hone ledfrom going through baby Flease walked aboard the ark,she yelled, "Yippee! the whirlpool. Flease This is fun." Then got (tizzy. ,he was sick to her little a huge wave came upon the ark, and flea stomach. They saw only mistyand slightly foggy Fleap6 exclaimed, "Hey! Iam getting seasick." Later, Mrs. weather. Suddenly a light shone. They Fleaster sat down and yelled, "Yea! realized it was the This is great." Butas sun shining. Then they emerged from the wetwonderland. soon as Mr. Fleaster looked on the deckof the ark, he Slowly rising out of the water they screamed, "Ugh! There is _11 rejoiced. After rejoic- a leak." Five minutes later ing, father flea was very tired andordered them all to bed. Grandma Fleaster slowly startedwalking toward the ark and said, "Nuts! I'm still hungry,"in a very screechy, high ADVERBS voice. Following her, baby Flease yelled, "Hey! Wait for The storm and the whirlpool qt_d±y(1put the fleas to me." A few minutes latereveryone was on board, and all sleep. Unknowingly, the fleas slept were happy till Mr. Fleaster through 43 days of their saw a big waterfall close by. terrifying adventure. Suddenly, theyawoke. Almost imme- (The waterfall was reallysome water going down into the diately, Mr. Fleaster gotup and carefully started searching jacuzzi from the pool.) the worn boat. He went outside. Hefelt a tingling sensation throughout his t :dy. Sometime inthe night they had VERBS peacefully sailed to the top As the fleas sailed down the step of the pool. The Fleaster waterfall, sudden panic fell family quickly hopped onto thecement which enclosed the over all the Fleaster family. Flease,one of the fleas in the pool. They eagerly went looking for Fleas( a new home and found family, lost her hat. The hat glidedinto the big it on a nearby rose. Now, the Fleasterfamily and their pet ocean lying before her. One of the fleaswas chatting to tick, Toc, were saved and joyfully lived!mu/1y ever after! another about new hairstyles. Theyprobably did not realize what danger they soon would be facing.I think they started to get the hint when theywere submerged in water from their little tiny toes to theirteeny little arms. I im4gine the eaching fleas at least felt safe when theyreached the bottom of the waterfall. Correctness with Competition Day PREPOSITIONS (PHRASES) Then, all of the sudden, therewas another big tidal wave. By Russell Frank The flea ark was floating in the violentsea for what seemed like hours. The four little fleas English and Journalism Teacher, and their pet "tick," Toc, Chaparral Middle School, were becoming very seasick. Mr. Fleastersaw a drop in the water. They were coming to another waterfall. Walnut Valley Unified School District; Down tae and Teacher/Consultant, UCI Writing falls went the flea ark intoa giadtwhirlpool. They started Project in a big spin. I know my students needto master the conventions CONJUNCTIONS of written English, but I havealways dreaded the task. The fleas were jumping and fallingall over the place. In every lesson it seemedas if I were draggir g a group They were stunner` by the whirlpool,for it was spinning of tug-of-war monents throughthe mire. and turning around and around. Thefleas were going down "Well, class,\qoday weare going to study the use of and down. Finally, the spinningstopped (because the the comma in setting offan introductory dependent jacuzzi, which theywere in, was turned off), but the fleas clause." When you make didn't stop spinning. a statement like that to a group of courteous ,Ludents, youare probably greeted

172 with a combination of yawns and blank stares. Inmy This paper is turned in at t,,e end of thLgame, and you eighth grade classes, the moans of pain remindme of can review the paper to check a studentmastery of a milking time at the dairies in nearby Chino. However, particular skill. because of Competition Day, the thought of teaching correctness now excites me. I get a big kick c,ut of Basically, students compete against students who seeing "terminally cool" eighth graders leap front their have the same number on the other teams. This allows seats in their enthusiasm to answer questions. you to group students according to ability levels if you Competition Day is designed around agame format wish to do so. Highly skilled or highly competitive that puts motivation theory to practice whileencour- students can all be given the same number and, thus, aging class participation in learning. It is base.!on the will compete against each other. In like manner less following principles: skilled or shy students can be given the same number. After assigning numbers, I may ask the teams to 1. High interest through the use of competition punctuate or capitalize a sentence properly. I dictate (This is especially effective at t; Le intermediate the sentence or write it so that it is projected on the level.) overhead projector. As the students are writing their 2. Immediate knowledge of results (This reinforces answers, I draw a numbered card (1-4 or 1-6, learning.) depending on the number of players on each team), 3. Success according to level of difficulty (The and anticipation mounts. Nollody knows what number I will call. Finally, I read the number. teacher can individualize the game to makesuc- cess easier for each student.) At this point, I can ask all those people who have the number to give their answers orally or write them In addition, Competition Day will encourage discus- on the chalkboard. Another option is to have them sion in small groups. In essence you will be using the hold up their papers, which I can check at their desks. students in your classroom as teachers. Correct answers earn a point for that person's group; ineorrec' answers receiv.3 no score. In a variation of the game, I ask a question and The idea of beinecotreertitk4ori cf;i,tew,' have each group come to consensus regarding its iiiiportiuge_when* ilitileAt4teit*ely answer. This option is especially useful when I ask the concerned afroil.,t OtAnguiticatinthis-0 students to ac higher level thinking, such as compos- heittitesSagei0-0-00eilee. ing sentences that contain certain grammatical struc- It4NETHOMAS tures. Group discussion also provides students wit:i opportunities for evaluation. In sentence combining, for instance, I ask my students to select the most effec- At some time, we have all made the mistake of tive sentence combination written by group members. asking our class a question and immediately picked These can be put on the chalkboard for disnlay and one person to answer it without allowing "think" time. compared with sentences chosen by other teams. Meanwhile, the others in class have stopped thinking When the competition comes to a close, 1 tally up about the question. "Johnny has to answer it," they the scores of each group and pronounce a winner. In are thinking. "I don't have to worry about this one." At that point, effective learning is diluted. In Compe- tition Day everyone is responsible for answeringa question and earning points for his or her respective team. To start the competition, you must have first introduced a correctness skill: the use = f commas, appositives, difficult spelling words, capitalization rule, and

so forth. The ;accessary materials include an overhead 4t projector, chalkboard space, chalk, scorekeeper, and a set of small numbered cards. You divide the class into groups of between four and eight members, depending on the size of your class and the number of teams you wish to have. Assign a number to each person on each team.:` you have four teams compet-

ing, you will have four people from opposing teams ,s10.16114.,r with the same number. Each player must havea sheet of paper and pencil and must answer each question.

1 (.1 5 173 the event of a tie, I givea trivia quiz as a tie breaker. results in fluent, error-free writing This may consist ofa variety of questions from other because students cant Dt make the connection between suchisolated disciplinesnames of state capitals, dates ofhistorical exercises and their events, names of famous people, mathematical own prose. However, certain activi- prob- ties do help students transferwhat they learn in lems, and so forth. manipulating sentence Although Competition Day structures to writing in more can be used in any con- practical ways. First, however,you have to put away tent area, I have had success in using the approachto the books and work sheets reinforce skills in punctuation, capitalization, on grammar. spell- After taking the importantstep of putting away the ing, grammar, vocabulary, andsentence combining. books work sheets, inform Using this game to helpmy students gain mastery over your students in correctness skills has kept studeat motivation understandable terms exactly what it isthey are learn- high ing. Too often, the grammaticallanguage alone will when it usually ebbs. Ino longer feel as if I am having hopelessly confuse them. Theaccompanying chart to drag my students througha mire of tedium. By contains a list of patterns I give putting the learning of the conventions my students to learn, of written En- and they have found thepatterns workable and clear. glish into a game and making studentsresponsible for Next, it is important to stimulate each other's success, I have found that the students men- the competi- tally so that as they practice andapply the patterns, tion can be with me rather thana tug-of-war against their interest and motivation is me. high. Finally, ensure that they transfer what they learn inpractice to "real" writing. Two activities that Iuse to help my students get interested and learn to make that transferare de- Creative scribed in the paragraphs that follow. After presenting tomy students a pattern suchas Practice N-V, and N-V, I write iton the chalkboard and give with Sentence Patterns examples of sentences in whichthe pattern is used. For example: By Laurie Opfell Fred chased the dog, and Alice followed. Former English Teacher, Irvine HighSchool; Graduate Student, University of Kentucky; Then I show the students slidesso that they will have and Teacher/Consultant, UCI WritingProject subjects for their writing.' I usuallyget prepackaged sets of slides from the library; art slidesare good for Can working with sentencestructure patterns posi- creating interest and discussion, but vacationslides tively influence students' writing?I think it can if it is can also be used. After I show a slide, I givemy stu- presented in a way that is motivating,interesting, and dents approximately a minuteto write a sentence that meaningful. fits the pattern and is basedon the slide. I also In my mind, nothing is lessrelevant or duller for encourage creativity by involving the students in students to do than completingwork sheets on com- imagining and predicting. Foy example, ifI show a mas or parts of speech. Having studentscorrect errors slide of a door in a wall, I might askmy students to in punctuation andgrammar or work sheets rarely imagine what is going tocome suddenly through the door. As I show each new slide, I usually walkaround the room and monitor the activity. This is a very friendly activity; the students suggest ideasto each other, react to the pictures, laugh, and come up with wild ideas; yet at the same time taey must concentrate becauseI change the slides every m:: tteor two. As I show the slides, I also changesentence patterns. After showing ten or more slides for the N-V, and N-V pattern, I may ask the students to add three adjectives and one adverb to thepattern, or I may ir troduce a completelynew pattern. To avoid having this exercise become routine,one should have diver- sity both in slides and ip sentencepatterns.

:fides are difficult for you to secureor use, this activity also works well with a set of magazines, Havinga picture to view seems to make the activity easier for students.

174 126 CHART OF SOME SENTENCE PATTERNS*

Pattern Grammatical (N=noun; V=verb ) term Use (Compound) N-V, and N-V. Coordinating and, but, or, N-V and V. conjunctions for, nor, yet (Complex) While N-V, N-V. Subordinatingwhite, if, as, N-V while N-V. conjunctions because, since, so, when, until, etc.

N-V; however, N-V. Transitions however, moreover, N-V; N% however, N. Connectors whereas, thus, on the other hand, etc.

'This was adapted from matenal prepared by Cathy D'Aoust, a Teacher/Consul- tant in the UCI Wnting Project and the author of matenal appeanng elsewhere in this book.

A good way to end the class session is to have students exchange papers and check each other's sentences for correct structure and other matters. This provides each writer with an audience and also helps reinforce the lessons on structure and the punctuation associated with each pattern. Later, it will be important to ask the students to use the patterns in some kind of writing. It does not necessarily matter whether you have them write a paragraph for the purpose. of using several patterns or you. have them make the patterns part of a rubric for an assignment. The forth until they have finished their dialogue. This important thing is to emphasise that the purpose of activity is especially good to useas a test or a review working with patterns is to give variation and correct- because your students should be able to writea very ness to the writing, which leads to the development of coherent letter and still effectively use eight toten comprehensible, interesting papers. patterns. Another activity that helps students make the As with the activity involving slides, this letter writ- transfer from practice to "real writing" is to have them ing activity is also fun and motivating. Asyou walk use specified structures in letters to each other. As around the classroom, you get an unusual glimpse with the previous activity, show the studentsa sen- into how students spend their time and what theycon- tence pattern, give examples, at-ed then have the stu- sider important. After all, note writing isa popular dents select a partner. Each partner writes, Dear (his and naturally relevant activity for themanyway. or her partner's name), at the top of the paper. Then When the students are finished with the act:vity, I each one writes a sentence that follows the pattern and usually ask for several volunteers to read their letters that could logically be found in a letter. (Sometimes,a to the class. This is received with interest and a great connector sentence will be necessary.) For example, if deal of humor. the pattern is N-V N, then the beginning of the letter By teaching sentence manipulation in themanner I might be: have described, students can be creative while practic- Dear Lisa, ing a variety of grammatical patterns. Instead of filling in the blanks or responding to meaningless drills, Hi, how are you? Please come to eie party tonight and bring the following. Cokes, candy, and chips. students are generating authentic writing for an audience. The transfer from practice to writtencom- After each partner has started the letter usinga nu.nication has already been made! Finally, these pattern, have the students exchange letters and write a activities are fun and inexpensive to implement; they reply using the same or another pattern. They should can be used in grades seven through twelve; and they keep following the pattern and switching back and motivate students to learn.

1 8 7 175 a

Word-Sprouting: AVocabulary Building Strategy for RemedialWriters

By Barbara Morton English Teacher, Villa Park HighSchool, Orange Unified School District; and Teacher/Consultant, UCIWridzig Project

Gabriele Rico coined thetermclusteringto describe In Figure 29, which a writing warm-up exercise that she developed closely resembles Dr. Rico's as a clustering diagram,you will find an assortment of result of her research in rightbrain functioning at words related to the nucleuswordfool.However, Stanford University. Briefly, clusteringis a formalized instead of random associations, kind of brainstorming. The the cluster is limited writer encircles a nucleus to inflections of the nucleus word. word, such asbluein Figure 28, andarranges the words he or she associates with Because the method of identifying inflectionsdeparts the nucleus word ina substantially from the clusteringtechnique, I have free-form diagram around thenucleus. (For more substituted the termsproutingfor Dr. Rico'scluster- information on the clusteringtechnique, set.Dr. ing. Rico's essay in the "Prewriting," Language teachers, alreadyfamiliar with the lin- section that appears guistic termsrootand near the beginning of this book.) stem,will readily comprehend the metaphor ofsprouts, Dr. Rico's research indicates or grammatical variations, that through thepro- growing fromwordseeds. cess of clustering, writers, particularlythose at the remedial level, can As each sprout is labeled andclassified accordingto generate a network of related its grammatical identity, the thoughts from the nucleus word; fickleness ofgrammar i.e., clustering assists becomes apparent,as shown in the following chart: them in writing coherentparagraphs. Visualizing the Verbs/ relationships between the nucleusword and its satel- Nouns/ Modifiers Verb variations Noun variations lites helps these students organizetheir thinking, elim- (adjectives and adverbs) inate nonesssntial elements,and write in an orderly, fool fool foolish systematic manner. It is fools fools foolishly particularly usefulas an fooling alternative to outlining forstudents who have diffi- (to) fool fooling fooled fooling culty developing their thoughtssequentially. Sim- fooled ilarly, a distant cousin of foolishness the clustering technique fools enables remedial writersto bypass the often counter- productive grammar lesson anddeal directly with usage and word manipulation, The zonfusion that results fromattempts at arbitrary as you will see as we classification might discourage themost able of stu- examine the procedure ofword-sprouting. dents.Foolappears as both a noun and a verb,as

176 does fools. And fooling is included in all three catego- Next, using the completed diagramsprouts, of stu- ries, because the participial form qualifiesas a modi- dents work with a partner to select themost appro- fier as well. priate sprout for use in carefullystructured sample Until the word 3 considered in the context of the sentences. Allowing them to complete the exercise sentence, its grammatical classification is, ofcourse, aloud with a partner reinforces auralperception and impossible. Even then, frustrated remedial learners provides an opportunity forpeer involvement. flounder in a morass of linguistic terminology withno In the final phase of the exercise,students are improvement in their usage skills. expected to write original sentences, developedfrom a The word-sprouting approach abandons the tradi- list of words and phrases that incorporatethe sprouts tional grammarian's approach to language and capi- in a variety of syntactic problems.They are allowed to talizes on the student's inherent ability to distinguish use the sample sentences as models, and theymay the appropriate inflection of a familiar word accord- refer to a set of sentence-grading criteriathat will later ing to its position in a spoken phrase. It is a vocabu- be used to determine their letter grades. they lary expansion and usage drill that deals withnouns, are expected to work independently, a peer-evaluation verbs, and modifiers without labeling them. Spared session in which students read theirsentences aloud to the burden of learning new definitions and assigning one another allows them to correct errors before sub- grammatical categories, as is often the procedure in mitting their papers for final grading. standard vocabulary lessons, the student concentrates The teacher's use of the grading criteria allowsfor a on the usage that "sounds right" for a given problem rapid, "no surprises" return ofpapers. Students who structure. score less than 89 should choose two sentences tore- To introduce this exercise, the teachergenerates a write as a follow-up. diagram of sprouts from a familiar wordon the chalkboard or transparencyas the class spontane- ously provides them, adding new forms of the seed- Only if we ottribUte enough value to .what word. Before assigning the written segments ofthe exercise, the teacher must determine that the diagram we have to-say are.w0 likely ,to make the includes an exhaustive list of sprouts. With speakers effort reqUiredio getour `deaf straight; 'f substandard English, it may also benecessary to even for ourselves. repeat the words with appropriate examples: "We don't SHERIDAN' BLAU say, 'I fooling you,' we say, 'I cp, Even though the word may be familiar, it isalso important for the class to decideon a working defini- Phase One:Word-Sprouting tion. Remedial students often havea great deal of The group session in which the class provides difficulty arriving at simple definitions, particularlyif sprouts of the seedwords combines auditory, visual, they are not allowed to use a form of the wordto and kinesthetic modes of learning. Because remedial phrase the definition. learners need constant reinforcement in all modes,the

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Fig. 29. Clustering with Inflections Fig. 28. The Clustering of Blue of the Nucleus Word 80 177 tences. Use each word from our word-sproutat least once. Say eact, sentence aloud to helpyou decide on the correct, form. You may worY with a partner. Referto the word- sprouting diagram if necessary.

SAMPLE SENTENCES

1. Louise always has difficulty makingher own 2. Yesterday, Louise to give up the tennis team to take a job at a fast-food restaurant. 3. She had to whether the money she would make was important enough to take theplace of her first love, tennis. 4. "I just can't "she told me, unhappily. 5. Louise always talks thingsover wah me when she has trouble 6. I usually careful!: to avoid makinga mistake. 7. That is whis usually easy for me. teacher's presentation should be painstakingly thor- 8. Leaving the tennis teamwas a tough for ough. In the first phase of the exercise, the teacher Louise. must help the students create the most complete 9. Louise has never beena very person; now she word-sprout. wants to change her mind and go backon the tennis For example, the sprouts thegroup might create for team. the seedword decide are shown in Figure 30.Even 10. Coach Burns will not let favoritism bea factor. though the definition of a familiar word like decide 11. Having a:ready to remove her name, he's not may seem obvious, a brief session to arrive at acon- likely to change his mind. sensus is necessary before continuing with the written 12. He is today whether to let Louisecome back segments of the exercise. on the team. 13. I hope he in favor of Louise. 14. Louise just called to tell me it has all been DeatEmy 15. Coach Burns said he that he would give DECIDE Louise one more chance. 16. It is in the team's best interest to have Louise oe-aoeb DEr1.51*-- as a starter. DFC/5/0/1/5 Zer/5/OV Phase Three: Writing a Sentence DeC/SIvezy LECZOVNG- In phase three of the word-sproutingexercise, the students are given a list of words and askedto create I their own sentences. Theyare given these instructions: Using the words or wordgroups suggested below, write a sentence at least eight words long: Fig. 30. Word-Sprouts of a Seedword 1. decide 9. decisions 2. to decide 10. deciding is 3. they decide 11. is deciding Phase Two: Completing Sample Sentences 4. decides 12. Mary, deciding 4. Mary decided 13. was ,:ecided In phase two of the word-sproutingexercise, the 6. had decided 14. decisive students are asked to use the words they 7. having decided 15. decisively sprouted 8. decision from the seedword decide, and theyare given the fol- 16. decidedly lowing instructions: Do not change the form of the word, and C'znot separate or rearrange the word groups. Write the most appropriate form of decidein the You may refer to the "Sample Sentences" and the "Gradinb blanks provided in the accompanyingsample sen- Standards for Sentences" as guidelines.

178 u GRADING STANDARDS FOR SENTENCES Possible score Too oftjn we tell students to listen to what 90-100 To earn maximum points, you must show (Superior) the following in each sentence: we have to say when students should listen to:their own drafts. An understanding of the meaning of the DOkA LD MURRAY vocabulary word. Correct use of the form of the vocabulary word. No spelling mistakes. SAMPLE SEED WORDS No punctuation mistakes. HIGH SCHOOL REMEDIAL LEVEL Construction according to the rules of standard English. Verbs/ Nouns/ Modifiers Originality and inventive use of language. Verb variations Noun variations (adjectives and adverbs) 80-89 This paper does not receive maximum separate separation separate (Good) points because of one or more of the separates separations separately following: separating (to) separate separating separated Minor confusion about the meaning of the separating separated vocabulary word. separator separable Mistaken use of the form of the vocabulary obey obedience obedient word. obeys (to) obey obediently Minor errors in grammar, punctuation, or obeying obeying obeying spelling. obeyed obeyed Little apparent effort and originality in anger anger angry sentence construction. angers (to) anger angrily 70-79 This score is reserved for sentences that: angering angering angering angered (Fair) Show uncertainty about exact meaning or angered use of the word in three or more instances. create creation creative Have occasional awkward grammatical con- creates creations creatively structions. creating (to) create creating Show difficulty with internal punctuation. created creating created Have frequent spelling errors. deceive deceit deceitful 60-69 This score is reserved for sentences that: deceives deception deceitfully deceiving (Weak) Show that the writer has little understand- (to) deceive deceptive ing of the vocaludary word. deceived deceiving deceptively Have abundant errors in spelling, including deceiving the word being studied. deceived Show elementary punctuation errors, indi- pursue pursuit pursuant cating frilure to proofread. pursues pursuits pursuing Arc elementary in structure; run-on senten- pursuing (to) pursue pursued ces or fragments. pursued pursuing PO' change change changeable changes changes changeably changing (to) change changing changed changing changed picture picture picturesque pictures pictures picturesquely picturing (to) picture picturing pictured picturing pictured analyze analysis analytical analyzes analyses analytically analyzing (to) analyze analyzing analyzed analyzing analyzed experiment expetiment experimental C" experiments experiments experimentally experimenting (to) experiment experimenting experimented experimenting experimented

IY 179

NM MOS ...)=1:.... Practical Ideas for Striping Viicabiiiatfies

Deceptive Definitions: with pronunciation key and guide), vocabularybuild- ing, imitative writing, listening and readingcompre- Making the Dictionary hension, memorization, tnd spelling. The directions a Treasure ;hest for playing the game are presented in theaccompanying them By Mindy Moffatt After playing two rounds of thegame with the aglish Teacher, Walker Junior High School, teacher, the students can play thegame without addi- Anaheim Union High School District; tional guidance. Each studente.an have a turn at and Teacher/Consultant, UCI Writing Project selecting a word from the dictional., for whichdecep- tive definition, can be written and then presentingthe The dictionary is a treasure chest, buttoo often definitions to a peer group of fourto five student,. students see it only as Pandora's box. Themere men- (Note: To p ,mote listening comprehension skills,the tion of a dictionary often suggests punishment, it is definitions can be read aloud and then writtenon the associated with boring, endless, mindless dittosheets which ineffectively "teach" vocabulary skills. "-Ifor- The word-sprouting approach capitalizes tunately, the dictionary may also be viewedthe same way by some teachers. (Contrast the availability of on the student's inherent ability dictionaries in teachers' workrooms and ina school's to distinguish the appropriate inflcztion detention halls.) of a familiar word according to its position When I was confronted with the dilemma ofturning in a spoken phrase. Pandora's box into a treasure chest,one of my eighth BARBARA MORTON grade student- gave me the keyagame called Deceptive Definitions. I have been told thata version chalkboard or notepaper.) Or, workingin small of this game, called "Fictionary," which hasslightly groups, students can select an intriguing vocabulary more elaborate scoring rules, is popular with many word; each student can then contribute teachers. a definition for the word and let other groups in theclass come to Although the explanation for Deceptive Definitions consensus on which is the true definition. The rules was complicated, one of -ay students and I had played remain the same: 1 point for eachgroup that chooses the game a few times, a, d we became aware that the the correct definition and 1 point for the smallgroup treasure was ours. The more often thegame is played, each time one of its deceptive definitions ischosen by the more self-motivated students become in orderto another group. improve their own skills of dictionary use (especially The point of Deceptive Definitions in the firstfew rounds of the game is simply to get students interest..d in the dictionary and excited aboutlearning new words. While they may notuse the specific words gained in the Deceptive Definitionsgame in their own writing, they may reach fora new words to convey what they do want to say. In subsequentgames, the teacher can s.ipply a list of words that relatemore directly to the content of thecourse. At the same time that they are building vocabulary skills, studentsare also practicing imitative writing. The deceptivedefini- tions they write must soundas if they came from the d :tionary in order for their definitionsto stump their classmates. This aspect if thegame can be a rehearsal for the stylistic writing they will do later inthe semester. Deceptive Definitions is, indeed,a treasure chest. It can be adapted to any grade level and tailored toany student population. It promotes active ratherthan pass. 7: learning and it is fun.

c'9A., 180 DECEPTIVE DEFINITIONS

Directions Example

Introduction to the Game The teacher arranges to play two rounds. Round 1 I. The teacher chooses a word from the dictionary and I. merl (marl) writes it on chalkboard with pronunciation guide (if needed for review of skill). 2. The teacher writes four deceptive definitions and the 2.a. to rotate in a counterclock- d. fiber used in elastic true definition on chalkboard. wise direction e. Neanderthal 3. Students write down the letter identifying the defini- b. blackbird weapons tion that they believe is the correct one. c. corner spring in a tnattres, 4. The teacher identifies the correct answer. 4. merl 5. Each student who chose blackbird earns I point. b. blackbird Round 2 1. The teacher writes a new word on the chalkboard and I. anlace (an las) selects four students to write deceptive definitions for the word. 2. The teacher collects the definitions. 3. The teacher writes all the definitions on the chalk- 3. a. tropical flower board. b. type of sour cherry having blue-green fruit 4. The students again choose the definition that they c. therapeutic psychologist believe is the true definition and write the identifying d. leather strip used for tying letter on their papers. e. a tapering medieval dagger 5. The teacher announces the correct definition and the 5. anlace names of students whose deceptive definitions were e. a tapering medieval dagger chosen. 6. Scoring: Each student who chose the true definition earns I point. Any student whose deceptive definition was chosen by others earns I point for every student who was fooled.

"Hooray!" some students shout. Others simply roll Teaching their eyes at me. Vocabulary If you visit my c'ass on vocabulary day, you will Through Competition find that my students yell a lotprobably because I use team competition. Most of my vocabulary program is boringly stan- By Michael O'Brien dard. In fact, I have some reservations about "teach- English Teacher, Foothill High School, ing" vocabulary through the use of lists. I have, how- Tustin Unified School District; ever, always bowed to community pressure. For years, and Teacher/Consultant, UCI Writing Project I got the words from class-related reading, dictated the words and the meanings (which, I found, pro- "All right, the period is ..:most over. Both teams at motes listening skills) on Monday, and then held a test even. Buker is up for the South ...." on Friday. Lately, however, I have changed my "Yea, Buke!" his teammates shout. approach to try to help students on the Scholastic `. ..and Kelly is up for the North ... Aptitude Test (SAT). Therefore, I have been focusing "You can do it, Kelly!" one of her teammates yells on prefixes, suffixes, and roots and choosing words in encouragingly. which they appearthe more advanced the class, the `. .and at stake is an all-expense paid trip to more difficult the words. Remedial classes not only Enid, Oklahoma, for the Miss Oil by-Products Beauty get easier but also fewer words. Two books that I have Pageant!" found helpful in this work, although I have done a lot

(1 t-N..t) 181 the limit. The team with the most "money" at the end of the class period is the winner. I hope I have not led any students to a life of moral degeneration through Las Vegas Vocabulary. But if I have, at least they will be articulate degenerates. Other competitive approaches can be usedsuccess- fully. I have a colleague who uses Vocabulary Cha- rades. The student teams try to guess the vocabulary word through animated silent clues given by a team- mate. The team with the lowest combined times for guessing the 'ords is the winner. He reports that the students are wildly imaginative and easily get caught up in the enthusiasm of the game. And why not make something that is as tedious as memorizing vocabulary as stimulating as possible? I have uLzd the competition method successfully with the whole spectrum of high school age and ability groups. Even the students who are passive and unin- of adapting, are Vocabulary for the High School Stu- terested in school seem to respond to this activity. dent! and Vocabulary for the College-Bound Stu- After having these contests for awhile, peer pressure dent.2 These also have analogy exercises, which are becomes high for the students to study. Those who helpful for the SAT. know their words are cheered; those who do not know Before the day of the test, I set aside half of a period them let down their teammates. By making the prize for the competition. To give variety, I often divide up something silly or fantastical, I minimize the disap- teams in different ways. One day it might be a battle pointment of losing and maximize the entertainment of the sexes; the next time it might be a competition and challenge of competing. Usually, my students are between the rows or even between people wearing so caught up in the contest that they do not even blue versus those wearing brown. I let the students realize how much they are learning in the process. choose their team names, which often give insight into the peculiarities of the adolescent mind. Then I announce the prize, which is hopelessly fabulous or silly or sometimes as prosaic as being able to leave Verbal Density: first when the lunch bell rings. To begin the competition, I call team representa- Expanding Students' tives to the chalkboards; I arrange them so that they Use of Verbs are facing away from each other to make "borrowing" difficult. I give them a word at random and ask them By Evelyn Ching to write the word and its definition on the chalkboard. English and Fine Arts Teacher, For a correct spelling of the vocabulary word, the Villa Park High School, team gets a point; for an accurate, correctly spelled Orange Unified School District; definition, the team gets another point. I have also and Teacher/Consultant, UCI Writing Project Although I stress several aspects of vocabulary to The knowledge of words is:the shove high school students how diction contributes to gate to scholarship; a mature writing style, one of the most useful concepts .W0bDROW WILSON I have found is that of verbal density, or the ratio of orbs and verbals to the total number of words ina piece of writing. It is an easy concept to demonstrate in the writing of various authors and becomes simple tried Las Vegas Vocabulary in which I set betting lim- for the students to use in evaluating theirown or oth- its based on word difficulty. Depending on the confi- ers' writing styles. dence of the player, he or she can bet cautiously or bet For the lesson I first explain the rationale: that moving pictures created by interesting active verbsare 'Harold Levine, Vocabulary for the High School Student. New York. AMSCO School Publications, Inc., 1983. far more fascinating to read than almost any stillpor- 2Harold Levine, Vocabulary for the College-Bound Student. New York: trait that depends largely on the verb to be and its AMSCO School Publications, Inc., 1983. various forms. Even John Steinbeck's descriptions in

182 which very little happens are full of evocative verbs action with almost no help at all from nouns, adverbs, that move the reader's mental eyes around the picture or their "great fabulous, fantastic" adjectives. much as an artist, such as Cezanne, skillfully manipu- The verbal density is figured by dividing the total lates the eye of the viewer in one of his still lifes. number of words by the number of verbs and verbals.2 After the rationale is explained, students need to be The resulting number will be the denominator of the reminded of what a verb and a verbal are; e.g., any verbal-density fraction. Studies have shown that pro- verb, its conjugational parts and constructs, gerunds, fessional writers consistently achiee a verbal density participial and infinitive phrases, and participles used of about 1:6; college students, 1:10; and many high as modifiers. Also counted are those words in which school students, 1:12-15. the noun form and verb form are the same: strike, slide, ride, smile, and so forth. Do not be surprised by and how many of these words come from sports. Encour- TaOik#:h.),i4r, age students to make this connection, because sports ivriOit #0110119**4 broadcasting, particularly on radio, has a high verbal 0E#4the ratio. preoff tae secs Next, it is useful to show how the process works by providing several samples. I distribute a selection in which I have previously counted the total number of Usually, I follow the demonstration by distributing words (between 2G0-300 is best). Then I walk my two selections, such as the following, for which I have students through the selection by reading it aloud, already calculated the verbal density: emphasizing the verbs and verbals, which they under- Excerpt from "The Most Dangerous Game" line on their copies. I purposely forget several to An apprehensive night crawled slowly by like a encourage them to look actively, not just listen to me. wounded snake, and sleep did not visit Rainsford, Here is one of the selections I have used: although the silence of a dead world was on the jungle. Toward morning when a dingy gray was varnishing the 1904The Forgotten Games sky, the cry of some startled bird focused Rainsford's ST. LOUISIt was late one spring afternoon. A watery attention in that direction. Something was coming sun tried fitfully to pierce the clouds that hung over the through the bush, coming slowly, carefully, coming by city. In Forest Park, the trees were bare, their branches the same winding way Rainsford had come. He flattened tracing stark patterns against the dull gray sky. himself down on the limb, and through a screen of leaves In a far corner of the Washington University campus, almost as thick as tapestry, he watched...That which great mudstreaked Caterpillar tractors and bulldozers was approaching was a man. eased their way between the ranks of parked cars, their It was General Zaroff. He made his way along with his exhausts sending puffs of dirty smoke into the afternoon eyes fixed in utmost concentration on the ground before air. him. He paused, almost beneath the tree, dropped to his Workmen, warmly bundled against the cold, sloshed knees and studied the ground. Rainsford's impulse was through the rain-filled potholes, already thinking about to hurl himself down lilt_ a panther, but he saw that the the end of another shift. Huge trucks, piled high with debris, carried away the results of the day's demolition. 2In counting the number of verbs and verbals, a verb and its helping Francis Field, its turf churned to mud by the treads of verb are counted as one; infinitives, as one; hyphenated words, as one; gerunds, as one; participles, as one; and nmins that are identical with the the giant earth movers, had a sad look about it. The verb form, as one. black wrought-iron fence surrounding the field lay flat in places, as if having given up trying to keep the future from tearing away at the past. Already, the once-proud cement grandstand, the first of its kind in the United States, had been reduced to tittle more than a mound of broken concrete, twisted wire, and splintered wood. Not so, however, for the giant stone pillars and ornate sates at the east end of the field. There they stood, as they had done for four-score years and more, and there they will remain., (220 words; verbal density= 1:7.3) Before counting the total number of words in the selection, I ask a volunteer to read aloud just the verbs and verbals. The students will be able to follow the

'Grahame L. Jones, "1904The Forgotten Games," Los Angeles Times, Part VIII, p. 4, July 24, 1984. Copyright, 1984, Los Angeles Times; used by permission of the publisher.

183 195 general's right hand held something metallica small When students begin to have confidence in their automatic pistol. own writing and, in particular, to feel secure about The hunter shook his head several times, as if he were their ability to fix errors and to improve their effec- puzzled. Then he straightned up and took from his case tiveness as writers, I have them run a verbal density one of his black cigarettes; its pungent incense-like smoke floated up to Rainsford's nostrils. test on a piece of their own writing or the work of an Rainsford held his breath. The general's eyes had left author they admire or enjoy. the ground and were traveling inch by inch up the tree.3 At this point, I ask students to apply what they have (212 words; verbal density= 1:5.05) learned by using an idea I picked up from Barbara Morton's word-sprouting techniquehaving students Excerpt fromAn Introduction to Shakespeare apply the -missing words in a paragraph. But instead An actor also had to be a trained swordsman, for the of having them use only forms of a root word, like London audiences knew a great deal about the art of fencing and the Theatre was often hired for exhibition decide, I encourage them to use as many original matches by professionals. A good fencer needed years of verbs ana verbals as they can think of, as I did in the training and a great deal of physical endurance, for the following exercises: heavy Elizabethan rapier was a brutal weapon and the fencer was trained to make for his opponent's eyes or SUPPLY THE VERBS FOR THE BLANKS: strike below the ribs. Actors had an even more difficult An ancient popcorn machine the door, and problem, since they had to face a critical audience on an a long glass counter down the narrow aisle. open stage in the glare of the afternoon sun and stage a Mounds and pounds of candiesmost of them home- duel which was realistic enough so it would look as madeare in baskets gaily with ribbons and though a man had actually been killed.4 (118words; ver- red plastic roses. bal density= 1:5.9) A little boy in his jeans for a dimethe price of an ice cream cone Another youngster down After we have read the selection, we discuss it as a a dime for a bag of popcorn and out. A man class. This follow-up makes students especially aware enters and the walkways, something, of the impact of verbals in a given selection. that special, certain something to a sweet tooth. 3Richard E. Connell, "The Most Dangerous Game." Copyright, 1924, Slowly he toward the end of the counter. by Richard Connell; copyright renewed 1952, by Louise Fox Connell. At last the man's jaw firm; he stands erect, Reprinted by permission of Brandt & Brandt Literary Agents, Inc. no longer over the stronghold of sweets, his Marchette Chute, An Introduction to Shakespeare. New York: E. P. decision Dutton and Co., Inc., 0 1951, p. 26. Used by permission of the publisher.

LIST THE VERBS AND MORE ORIGINAL VERBS kit VERBALS YOU SUPPLIED. AND VERBALS.

We sharp the different student versions of the exercise as a class and, in the process, develop a word- bank of effective verbs and verbals that students can draw on in upcoming writing assignments. Having students perform this same task on the work of prominent authors (with the verbs and verbals removed) helps the students enlarge their vocabularies, increase their use of dictionaries and thesau- ises, and gain a better understanding of the elements of style. The final step in the lesson is to ask students to perform a verbal density analysis on something they have written. This concrete experience with theirown work is the best motivator for using a more action- t oriented vocabulary in the f "ture. Invariably the ratio of verbs and verbals in my students' writing increases as a result of this lesson and, as a by-product, their vocabulary is enhanced and their style becomes more vital.

184 Holistic Scoring in the Classroom By Glenn Patchell Chairperson, Department of English, Irvine High School, Irvine Unified School District; and Teacher/Consultant, UCI Writing Project

Holistic scoring is a technique of evaluation that class progress, and individual improvement. Holistic solves many of the problems of a writing teacher. The scoring also serves the English teacher or any teacher conscientious English teacher concerned with teach- of writing in the classroom to facilitate evaluation of ing writing effectively is L,ften burdened with the obli- the students' work. I soon found that one of the most gation of reading several class sets of papers a week. practical uses of holistic scoring was in the classroom Even the best intentioned and most dedicated teacher with students as the readers. burns out after several weeks. I found that after 12 As a tool for the teacher, holistic scoring provides weeks I could hardly stand to look at a student paper. more time to instruct because less time is spent eval- The results of the burnout were that students did not uating the students' papers. For example, before I get immediate feedback; they did not write as often; used holistic scoring, 1 spent most of my evaluation and I felt guilty for offending the principles of good time marking errors and writing suggestions or basic teaching.I welcomed the use of holistic scoring comments on the papers. Unfortunately, the students because it gave me needed relief from the paper load, rarely read or understood my comments. Through the involved my students in a more effective learning use of the prompt and rubric, the teacher establishes a experience, and provided parents and administrators with concrete evidence of progress and program effectiveness. Evaluation is only one aspect of Simply put, holistic scoring is evaluating the paper postwriting stage of the writingprocess; as a whole. It assumes that each writing skill is related thus, it should be kept in perspective. and that no one skill is more important or should HANDBOOK FOR PLANNING receive greater emphasis than another. The evaluation AN EFFECTIVE WRITING PROGRAM is achieved through the use of a rubric (scoring guide) which lists the criteria for each score. The rubrics that readers use may be based on various scales, usually clear purpose for each assignment, the student is ranging from nine points to four points. I personally exposed to the criteria for evaluation of each writing find the four-point scale less desirable because it assignment, and the writer is directed to the strengths relates too closely to the common grading scale of A and weaknesses of each writing sample. For instance, through F. Each rubric should be tailored to the spe- the UCI Writing Project used the following descrip- cific writing task described in the prompt (assign- tive prompt in an evaluation of the writing skills of ment). Holistic scoring is used by school districts to tenth, eleventh, and twelfth grade students in the evaluate proficiency tests, staff development projects, classes of teachers trained in the Writing Project and

185 in the classes of comparable teachers who hadnot been exposed to the Writing Project's techniques: Write a paper in which you describea restaurant that you remember vividly. It could be the best, worst, or most unusual. Include in your description the senses (sight, smell, touch, nearing, and taste). Note that the prompt was designed to stimulate writing and was broad-based enough so thatevery student / could draw on his or her experience. Moreover, the student received specific directions as to what to include in the essay. Based on the prompt,a rubric was established that clearly delineates the criteria for 4 scoring each writing sample: 1 RUBRIC: DESCRIPTION \--...... , /4 9-8 This paper is clearly superior. The writer developed the topic with excellent organization, content, and 4-3 These scores apply to a paper that maintains the insight, and he or she displayed facile use of language general idea of the writing assignment, shows some and mastery of mechanics. A person who has written sense of organization, but is weak in content, thought, a9-8paper has done most or all of the following language facility, and mechanics. A3paper is a well: thinner version of the 4 paper. A4-3paper has these characteristics: Developed a good introduction. Maintained an appropriate point of view throughout Introduction lacks clarity. the paper. Has shifts in tense and person. Employed precise, apt, or evocative descriptive vocab- Displays a minimal overall organization. ulary. Has little variety of sentence structure and many sentence Did not shift in tense or person. errors. Organized ideas effectively and provided an introduc- Has some misunderstanding of the prompt. tion, some closure, and an orderly progression from Contains serious errors in mechanics, usage, and sen- one idea to another. tence structure. Varied sentence structure and length. Examples and supporting details are not clearly stated Used effectively the conventions of written E:,glish or defined. spelling, usage, sentence structure, capitalization, punc- Uses at least one of the five senses. tuation. Handwriting can usually be easily read. Used at least three examples with specific supporting details. 2 This score applies to a paper that makes no attempt to Used at least three of five senses. deal with the topic and compounds the weaknesses Wrote legibly. found in a4-3paper. A2paper exhibits several of the following: 7 This is a thinner version of the9-8paperstill Has no sense of organization. impressive, cogent, convincing, but less well handled Shifts constantly in tense and person. in terms of organization, insight, or language. Shows little or no development of ideas; lacks any focus on specific and related details. 6-5 A score of5or 6 applies to papers in the upper-half Distorts, misreads, or ignores the topic. category that are less well written than a 7 paper. This Contains disjointed sentences, lacks sense of sentence paper may exhibit less maturity of thought than was progression and variety, and contains many sentence exhibited in the papers with higher scores, and the errors. writer has not handled organization, syntax, or me- Shows serious faults in handling the conventions of chanics as well. The5paper is a thinner version of the written English to the extent of impeding a reader's 6.A6-5paper will exhibit these characteristics: understanding. Has a clear introduction. Has no discussion of the five senses. Handwriting cannot be read easily. Has an appropriate point of view. Communicates clearly. I This score is used for any response that is not on the Shows some sense of organization but is not fully topic and has almost no redeeming qualities. organized, Uses less variety of sentence structure and length. Although the prompt and rubric described above Contains some errors in mechanics, usage, and sentence structure. were used for a large-scale evaluat.on, the same prin- Usually has three examples with supporting details. ciples apply to holistic scoring in the classroom. Some Uses at least two of the five senses. students have a hard time understanding why they Handwriting can be easily read. received a particular grade on a paper, but I have

186 1:2 never had a student who had difficulty comprehend- to go back to the rubric and determine what the weak- ing why he or she received a certain score when a nesses in her essay were. rubric was available and clearly explained in advance. Training students to score holistically takes time The careful use of a rubric will provide the student and patience. Students will not become proficient instruction in specific areas of usage, spelling, sen- overnight. But with the same training given to teach- tence structure, word choice, and so forth. For exam- ers, I have seen students score with the same consis- ple, one area that always concerns me is the variety of tency as adults. In the process of scoring, students also sentence patterns. Most high school student writers become aware of the criteria for good writing and have little understanding of the value of subordina- learn to identify areas which need improvement not tion. Requiring several complex sentences or the use only in the papers of others but also in their own of clauses beginning with because, if, since, although, and so forth and listing the use of subordination as a criterion on the rubric make the student aware of Weiviltweite noittin. g 1,0004 e if **i- complex sentences. When writers find that their pa- :tot poitioe critical thlinking:lowii; pers received scores that indicate a lack of sentence end efffie0061 variety, they know that they must learn the concept of gerbil:tie:14th° critical too early: . subordination. "DONALD AlUlt.(i.4k One of the greatest boons of holistic scoring in the classroom is that it actually involves students in the evaluation process. As the students learn to use the compositions. Significantly, in seeing their peers' writing and receiving group feedback on their own papers, rubric, I have discovered that they can be trained to score writing assignments effectively. The rubric is student writers suddenly become conscious that they have an audience other than the teacher. This situa- now viewed in a new light as they try to apply it to the papers of other students. Then, not only do they bet- tion clearly lessens the burden on the teacher as the ter understand the rubric, but they also become sole evaluator of student work. responsible for helping other writers improve by Although holistic scoring is a valuable tool, I would directing them to the appropriate criteria by the score never recommend it as the only method of evaluation. they select for each paper. The experience of Carolyn When I take the time to evaluate and completely edit a student's paper, I want to be able to have a conference is a case in point. Carolyn was one of those students who always excelled. She worked hard to complete with the writer about his or her paper. I now have the each assignment and to produce quality work. Soon, time for individual conferences because holistic scor- her reputation earned her such respect that the pres- ing does help moderate the paper load, as well as ence of her name on an assignment often earned her provide specific criteria for evaluation, improve assignments, allow more writing, and motivate students to an A. However, during a class holistic scoring session, Carolyn received a 3 from her peers. Because the scor- understand what constitutes good writing. The stu- ers were all boys, she appealed to me for a second dent writes with purpose, recognizes good writing, opinion. I inserted her paper in a group of papers to and learns to take responsibility for learning about the be scored by another class. A second scoring again writing process through reading, scoring, and responding to the efforts of his or her peers through the use of produced a 3 evaluation. Carolyn was then convinced holistic scoring. I find that the longer I use holistic scoring the more I use it. My students respond to holistic scoring and learn from it. Much of the anxiety is removed from the act of writing, for the student writer is freed from the red pen of correction, and the teacher is freed from the stress of editing and grading excessive amounts of student work. As an added plus, holistic scoring provides the teacher with a more objective means of evaluation, which can be demonstrated to interested parents and administrators. I have found the use of folders containing a sequential record of each student's prompts, rubrics, first drafts, and final scored papers as an effective means of documenting student progress as well as of making my short-term and long-term composition goals clear.

187 p

prompts and "KEEP OUT"LESSON Rubrics for PREWRITING Review skills of sentence writing with capitalization and Second Grade Teachers end punctuation. By Barbara Farrell Brand Make available two pictures, sur.th as girl and dog looking at an abandoned house, or boy and dog lookingat a Former Teacher, Sycamore Elementary School, "KEEP OUT" sign. Orange Unified School District; and Teacher/Consultant, UCI Writing Project PROMPT I have been using a modified version of holistic Think of something that could happen ifa child went scoring in my classroom since 1978. By modified, I into a place even when the sign said, "Keep Out." It could mean that I use the concept of holistic scoring but be dangerous or funny. Choose one picture to write about. Write a complete story. When you finish, mount simplify the process to make it comprehensible tomy your pic- students. I have found that I get much better writing ture and your story on colored paper. from my students when I present them witha clear WRITING ASSIGNMENT prompt that specifies exactly what I want them to The teacher establishes heading, margin, and spelling include in the writing assignment. But rather than eval- standards. Write a story of at least sentences and: Holistic scoring provides more time to Tell what the child saw. Tell why the child went iu or why the child stayedout. instruct because less time is spent Tell what happened. evaluating the studente papers. GLENN PATCHELL RUBRIC uating them on any kind of involved pointsystem, I A Very Good Composition have three basic categories: A Very Good Composi- Has fewer than three errors in capitalizationand tion, A Good Composition, anda "Needs Improve- end punctuation of sentences. ment" Composition. Drawing from the directions in Tells what child saw, why child went inor stayed the prompt, I list the key elements a paper mustcon- out, and what happened. tain in order to be very good and what elements the A Good Composition paper will lack if it falls short of the "very good" Has fewer than five errors in capitalization andend range. The important factor is to keep the prompt and punctuation of sentences. rubric clear and simple. Includes two of the three assigned items. Three ,ample prompts and rubrics that I have used . A "Needs Improvement" Composition with sucss in my class follow. My purpose in each lesson is -,vo-fold: to give students practice in using Has frequent sentence errors. the conventions of written English (capitalization, end Includes fewer than two of the items of information. punctuation, possessives, and so forth) and touse POSTWRITING imaginative and problem-solving skills in composing. Share and display the stories.

188 2,0 ADD-ON STORY STOREFRONT LESSON PREWRITING PREWRITING: Enjoy the game of telling an Add-On Story (unrehearsed, Review skills of adding s for plurals and adding 's for with each person building on the previous sentences). possessive proper nouns. Example:The teacher or first persc ...'w.s a starter: Conduct class discussion and cluster thebusinesses I saw a strange animal yesterday. and/orservices thata town needs, as shown in Figure 31. Second person:The animal was eating my lunch. Thirdspeaker:He ate all the lunches in the school. Fourthchild:He got a terrible stomachache! (Four or five sentences usually complete a story.) Otherstarters:Once upon a time there were three spiders that lived in a big web ... My friend and I had two dollars to spend ... A shiny round spaceship landed on the lawn ... Identifyimagination.Encourage its use. Review skills of capitalizing and centering a title. Share rubric before children write. 55E5/

PROMPT CAR Use your imagination to write a story. Here are some Es5W_ER.511/1D starters:

My dad and I I. .. oe?, 6441E .57ZRE Once there was ... I heard a strange noise last ... In the spring ... Fig. 31. Clustering of Businesses WRITING ASSIGNMENTS for Storefront Lesson Make a title for your story. Write an imaginary story using the starter you chose. Tell who is in the story. Students choose a kind of enterprise each might like to Tell what interesting things happened. have, draw furnishings or counter and wares inside the store (on Sheet 1), and cover with a storefront (using Sheet RUBRIC 2) with door, plastic window, and space for signs, as shown in Figure 32. A Very Good Composition Has a centered, capitalized title. Has fewer than three errors in capitalization and end punctuation of sentences. Utilizes one of the starter phrases, tells who is in story, and uses imagination in telling what happened. A Good Composition Has a title. Has fewer than five errors in capitalization and end punctuation of sentences. Includes two of the three requirements. A "Needs Improvement" Composition May have omitted a title. Has frequent sentence errors. Includes fewer than two of the items.

POSTWRITING Partners read and hear each other's stories. Partner tells author a part he or she liked and what grade (Very Good, Good, or Needs Improvement, based on the rubric) he or she thinks it should receive. Share stories orally with class or "publish" copies. Fig. 32. The Storefront Lesson -,,I, 2k iit. 189 SHEET' 1 N414E cz 5TCRE OR BIZ INE65 OWDO you sezi._, OR WHAT' SERVICEDO YOU PROVIDE? DR,441 77/674/.51DE. SHFETZ 6411E57aegfie&Vr curaur: CarilAD TO .514-71 40.9r Fat) A. 1577ieWANg Revove tehvoom 901// e 5125/NESS? at ILE' eARDs ialiArto You 0F7.1avitu_

0 or 1.0 Using Visual Prompts for Holistic Scoring

By Pam Burris Teacher, Talbert Middle School, Fountain Valley Elementary School District; and Teacher/Consultant, UCI Writing Project

A picture is worth a thousand words. That is why I A, often use a visual motivator when I ask childrento '11 write. Holistic scoring has been an integral part ofmy writing program for the last four PROMPT years. It seems to me that we create a situation for children to fail whenwe Th!ok of a store or business you might like to have.Name require them to write and then neglect to provide your business, using your name and 's, and tell what you them with a focus, a specific situation, anda list of sell or do. It could be Jimmy's Supplies, and Jimmysells criteria on which they will be evaluated. Holistic pool supplies. It might be Garcia's Shop, and Miss Garcia scor- sells records. In Jason's Development Company, Jason ing lends itself to making these aspects ofan assignment clear. sells houses. Decide where you buy supplies and howmany people work for you. Think of everythingyou will need to While working on a prompt, I usually sharea pic- know in order to run a business. ture as a springboard for writing to lower the anxiety of the children and spark their imagination. The pic- WRITING ASSIGNMENT ture is a rich resource for children who lack experi- Make a title for your composition. ences, imaginative ideas, or confidence. It also pro- Tell what your store or business is called. vides the children with the follow-up activity of Write about your shop or office. Tell what you sellor do. Tell more about your business. decorating or coloring the visual promptor perhaps of creating a new picture of theirown to illustrate RUBRIC what they have written. A Very Good Composition The written and visual prompt appear as follows for Has a well-written title and sentences. an assignment I give called "Roller Boogie": Has fewer than three -s or -'s errors. WRITTEN PROMPT Includes name of business, what is sold or done, and thoughtfully written details. Imagine that you are able to skate anywhereyou want to, even to a faraway country. Write a paper in which A Good Composition you: Has acceptable title and sentences. Describe your skates. Has fewer than five -s or -'s errors. Tell where you want to go. Includes name of business, what is sold or done, Describe your journey. and a few other details. A "Needs Improvement" Composition May have no title. Has frequent sentenceerrors. Has frequent -s or -'s errors. Includes fewer than four of the required items of information. POSTWR.TING Partners share "stores" and stories and suggest improvements. Display storefronts and interiors in class. Discuss how the businesses might be related and interdependent.

Many elementary teachers discount holistic scoring VISUAL PROMPT because it seems too complicated for the students they Color your skates and turn in the picture withyour teach. But, if adapted, it can be justas effective at the papers. You may choose to draw a picture of the place second grade as it is at the high schoolor college level. you skate to in the background.

192 2'5 After the papers are written, the teacher has an use a six-point rubric, but a four-point rubric would instant "Roller Boogie" bulletin board. In fact, the also work well.' I hand out a copy of a descriptive pictures of the skates can be placed all over the room. paper from a previous year, which we read orally and Many sources are available to get good pictures to then rate as a group exercise. Reaching a consensus at use as a stimulus for writing. Magazines, student- this point is very informal. My goal is to introduce the oriented publications, and newspapers contain excel- rubric and show how it relates to a piece of writing. lent materials. Political cartoons work well for those After my students have written, revised, and edited writing about current events. Diagrams and pictures their next descriptive papers, using the rubric as a from science and social studies textbooks can easily be guide, I score each piece. I also point to one or two adapted for interdisciplinary development of chil- elements of the paper that helped me determine the dren's writing skills. rating. Students then respond to my evaluation by writing, "I agree with my rating because..." or "I disagree. I should have a rating because. ..." I sometimes give a letter grade to these Holistic Scoring rating responses, even though I have not graded the and Peer Rating Groups actual piece of writing. This approach takes some of in the Elementary Classroom my time, but it pays off in getting students to think carefully about evaluating their own writing. In the next session, we take a look at another stu- By Lois Anderson dent paper. This time we break into groups of four, English Teacher, Fred L. Newhart Elementary School, and I introduce the use of a rating sheet. I have taken Capistrano Unified School District; and Teacher/Consultant, UCI Writing Project spelling and penmanship out of the rating because if I include them, students tend to concentrate on those aspects of the paper rather than on the writing itself. Although holistic scoring may seem complex and Later in the year, we add a 1, 2, or 3 rating for the best suited for intermediate and high school students, conventions of writing, in addition to the scoring of it can also be successful at the upper elementary level. the piece of writing itself. Students use the rating sheet The use of holistic scoring and student rating groups and rubric to rate the piece. Then each group of four has worked well for my fifth grade students. I find spends several minutes comparing ratings and reach- these activities to be worthwhile for a number of rea- ing consensus. Last, we compare the ratings from all sons. Students have an opportunity to analyze and the groups and reach a group consensus. evaluate writing similar to their own. In doing so, they After I prepare my students to work in independent gain a clearer picture of what works and what does rating groups, I teach them the procedure to use in the not in their writing assignments. In addition, the pro- groups. As soon as they complete their writing cess provides an audience of their peers to evaluate assignments, I divide the students into groups of four. their writing. Often, they will take the comments Each group gets four papers to rate (none from their received from their peers more seriously than any I own group). Each student reads and fills out a rating make. Bonuses of the peer rating groups are the group slip for a paper; then he or she passes that paper to the interaction and the experiences students have of next person in the group until all of the students in the defending an opinion, reaching a compromise, and group have rated the four papers. Nothing is written arriving at a group consensus. on the paper itself; comments and ratings are marked The processes of introducing and using rubrics and on the rating slip, which each scorer keeps until con- rating groups may take several weeks. The first step is to teach the elements of the particular type of writing that the students are to learn. I usually begin with 'For sample rubrics, see the other articles in this section or Carol Booth descriptive writing, so we study and practice using Olson's article in the section on "Writing the I-Search Paper." precise sensory descriptive words and figurative language. We then listen to several descriptive examples from literature, as well as to pieces I have written In the process of luting the myself, and have a brainstorming session during Papers: as,u vonp,:the stu- which we list the ways the authors were able to create dents. shnipen.,their aware- vivid descriptions. ness ofthe:efern ents of good At the next session, I present a rubric constructed writing ancidevelOp.Oritisid from the most important elements of our brainstorming session. I expiain the purpose of a rubric, and we LOIS ANDERSON clarify the meaning of the statements on the scale. We

193 6. Record the students' ratings; read only those papers in which the responses disagree with the ratings. 7. Do any combination of the aboveor whatever suits the program. My students respond seriously and enthusiastically to the holistic scoring/ group rating sessions. They read and consider each paper carefully because they want others to do the same for their own writing. And in the process of rating the papers as agroup, the students sharpen their awareness of the elements of good writing and develop critical thinking skills.

Holistic Scoring: The Good News and the Bad 1.* By Michael O'Brien English Teacher, Foothill High School, Tustin Unified School District; and Teacher/Consultant, UCI Writing Project

I have often used holistic scoring in my high school classroom over the last three years. While attesting to sensus time. During this session, I insist on silence in its partial effectiveness, I look with some disbelief at fix classroom. Students or groups that finish early the claims that holistic scoring, like a patent medicine, read silently or do other work silently. cures everything from rambling run-on sentences to murky thesis statements. When all groups have rated all fourpapers, I call for consensus time. At this point, the members of each One "miracle" of holistic scoring that I can attest to is the results of using a rubric. Students do appreciate group compare ratings and study each piece of writing to arrive at consensus. Students present arguments in being presented with a precise description of what is expected of their writing. The rubric is also a ready- defense of the score they marked. Aftera few minutes, a compromise is usually made and consensus is made list of terms I repeat over and over to students reached. so that "unified composition" and "specific, support- The group score is printed at the top of the piece, ing details" become a part of their vocabulary,a necessary step toward writing more effectively. and the four rating slips are attached to thepaper. I collect and redistribute them to the appropriate writ- Another claim of those who advocate holistic scor- ers. The needs of the students determine whether pa- ing is that it works "Fast! Fast! Fast!" Indeed, it isa pers are identified by secret number or by name. My quick way to evaluate a set of papers. Therefore, Ican students have always wanted their names on their ask my students to write more, which is an important papers. gain. There are, however, side effects. On the return of a paper, a typical reaction is, "Oh, I got a 5 on a scale When students receive their own papers back, they of seven. Say, Mr. O'Brien, what were my problems respond to the ratings; then they turn in theirpapers, here?" rating sheets, and responses. At this point, the teacher has a number of options: "Look at the rubric," is my hopeful reply. "Okay, but I still don't know if I've got excessive 1. Read and rate each paper. mechanical errors, a lack of specific details, ineffective 2. Read the students' responses and makecom- organization...." ments. So I have tried attaching checklists to the papers, 3. Do 1 and 2 above. indicating areas of strength and weakness, but I make 4. Read the papers but do not rate or grade them. the students find the errors. Yet, by the time I have 5. Skim the papers and record that the workwas completed the checklist and worked with students done, but make no comments or ratings. who cannot find their errors, this process has become

194 as "Slow! Slow! Slow!" as thetraditional marking of papers. However, since my experience with holistic scoring, I have heard of a strategy used by Cathy D'Aoust, a UCI Writing Project colleague, that I plan to try. Cathy returns papers to students with only a holistic score (no comments or checklists), and she requires them to write a one-page paper explaining to her why they received the score they did Perceptive self-assessments earn an extra point for the over,. paper. Students who are unable to specify the reasons for their score are called in for conferences so that to students, speeds up the evaluation process, allow- Cathy can work one-on-one with those students. ing for more writing assignments, and enables stu- Another claim for holistic scoring is that students dents to participate in the process. Overall, it clearly can score each other's papers. I havefound this par- benefits the students. As for teachers, it will not tially true. It is valuable that they use the rubric as a lighten the burden of the paper load as much as most criterion for judging, that they provide another audi- of us would like. And it cannot (or should not) be ence for the writer, and that they learn by reading the used as a replacement for oral or written teacher feed- work of others. One drawback, however, is that, again, back on student writing. But it provides the teacher even with the comments of other students written on with a variety of options in responding to students' their papers, the writers are still getting limited infor- writing: to score and comment, to score only and let mation. Another problem is that even after extensive the students comment, to comment only and let peer training with samples, I have found that there are groups score, to score along with peer groups,and so always a few students who are unreliable graders. forth. Thus, a universal student concern is that the scores No, holistic scoring is not a patent medicine for and comments on their papers may be inaccurate. curing writing problems, but it can be a valuable sup- Perhaps one way to alleviate this concern is to have plement to good writing instruction. both the teacher and student peer groups score the students' papers, and then average the two scores if they are one or more points apart. Compromising Ultimately, I suppose the good news outweighs the bad. As I look over my list of pros and cons, I see that with an Ideal: holistic scoring makes the criteria for writing clearer Rubrics Based on Grades

By Charles Schiller English Teacher, Laguna Beach High School, i' Laguna Beach Unifiel School District; and Teacher/Consultant, UCI Writing Project The classes that I teach at Laguna Beach High School are almost entirely college preparatory, and as anyone who has taught such classesalready knows, letter grades are very important to college-bound stu- ..- dents. They will not settle for a number from a rubricor, at least, not for long. I had to deal with .. this in adapting the ideas and methods of the UCI x . Writing Project to my teaching. The result was a rubric based on letter grades. I now use such rubrics all the time, both for the guidance of students before they write and as a handy reminder to myself as I grade. The "RubricPaper of Literary Analysis," which follows, is routinely given to students entering my Shakespeare classes and the "RubricWriting on the Title of Your Book," which also follows, is typical of those I use in my ninth grade English classes.

238 195 RUBRICWRITING ON THE TITLE OF YOUR BOOK A Level Follows assignment, deals with title Well structured: Introduction, including thesis Well developed Recognizable conclusion Excellent insight into literature Discusses, does not tell Few (two or three), if any, mechanical errors Follows stylebook; has excellent appearance B Level Thinner version of the A paper Structure good, but development is weaker than inan A paper (fewer examples, quotes, and so forth) Insight into the literature less keen Discusses, does not tell RUBRICPAPER OF LITERARY ANALYSIS Mechanical problems more serious (fouror five of them) Follows stylebook; has good appearance A Level Papers Well structured C Level Follows assignment, at least partially; deals with title but Introduction. Thesis statement with title, author, andyour main idea about the subject of your paper may retell story in doing so Development. Logically organized presentation of proof for Has fair structure thesis; references to incidents (using the plot selectively), Thesis may not be clear. quotes, discussion of ideas, and so forth Development may be poor (only one or two examples). Conclusion. Sums up satisfactorily, repeats, and restates the Conclusion may be hard to recognize. ideas of the introduction More telling than discussing Fullfills the assignment Mechar ics only acceptable (six or seven errors) Shows good insight into the literature May not follow the stylebook cons:stently; appearance Clear, easily understood; interesting to read may be only fair Few, if any, mechanical errors D Level Follows rules of stylebook and makes a good appear- Attempts the assignment ance in blue or black ink or typed, no ragged edges on Structure poormay fail tr., paragraph paper, and so forth Tells the story B Level Papers Poor mechanics (eight or nine errors) Thinner version of an A paper Little attempt to follow the stylebook;appearance poor C Level Papers F Level May not follow stylebook consistently Minimal effort;little or no attempt to follow the assignment May have several mechanical errors, especially spelling Hard to understand Will have thesis statement and recognizable structure, but development may be slight Mechanics get between the reader and the understanding of the paper Will deal with theme but may be heavy on plot Appears unaware of the stylebook; unacceptableappear- May show only surface understanding of the literatureor ance even some confusion about it D Level Papers The students' responses to such rubrics have been very good; they like knowing what is expected for Little attention to the stylebook; may be in pencil and generally careless in appearance those grades they value. I should add that I alsopre- face their structured writing assignments with enough Many mechanical errors prewriting experiences (one can clustereven about Structure weak, probably lacks thesis Shakespeare, after all) that I am easy inmy con- Deals with plot almost entirely science about using what is admittedlya compromise Shows little understanding of the literature with an ideal.

196 29 primary also be identified as characteristics of a successful response and evaluated as secondary traits. Trait The following are two examples of teacher-generated Scoring prompts and primary trait scoring (PTS) guides at the elementary and high school levels: By Virginia Baldwin Teacher, Gifted and Talented Education NEWS ABOUT HANDS AT SCHOOL Dei Cerro Elementary School, (Kindergarten through grade three) Saddleback Valley Unified School District; and Teacher/Consultant, UCI Writing Project PROMPT Today you are a newspaper reporter. Choose one person Primary trait scoring (PTS) is a versatile evaluation who works at our school that you would like to write a system in which the strengths and weaknesses of stu- news story about. Choose one activity that the person does, dent writing are described. The system, developed by and write a news .story that describes and tells how the person's hands help him or her do the activity. Since your the National Assessment of Educational Progress, can news story will be placed in the classroom's "News About be adapted for use in elementary, intermediate, and Hands at School" book, it should be interesting and infor- high school classrooms across the curriculum and can mative so your classmates and other people will want to be used to: read it. Measure the presence oC particular characteristics EVALUATION or elements of style. Primary Trait Scoring Guide Value content, yet consider correctness in assess- This news story is interesting to read. It accu- ment. rately describes how a person who works at our Create a sense of purpose and audience during school uses his or her hands to do his or her job. prewriting. This news story is not as interesting as it could Provide a focus for peer interaction during shar- be. It tells about some of the person's duties but ing and revising. does not accurately describe how he or she uses his The PTS system is akin to holistic scoring because or her hands to do a job. it is based on a rubric or set of criteria on which a This news story does not give enough informa- paper will be evaluated, but the scoring system differs. tion about how the person uses his or her hands to With PTS the person evaluates a single characteristic, do the job. This lack of information made the story or primary trait, rather than a piece of writing as a less interesting to read. whole. PTS scoring guides focus on the most impor- Secondary Trait Scoring Guide tant characteristic, or critical attribute, of a successful This paper is neat and easy to read. Fewer than response to a given writing prompt. Other traits may three total errors were made in capitalization, punctuation, and/or spelling. This paper is not as neat or easy to read. Three to five total errors were made in capitalization, punctuation, and/ or spelling. This paper is not neat or easy to read. More than five total errors were made in capitalization, punctuation, and/ or spelling.

PAC MAN OR KICK THE CAN? (Grades seven and eight) PROMPT Interview your grandparents or other older adults who grew up during the Depression. Ask them to describe the toys and games they remember from their childhood. Then write a three-paragraph analytical/ expository essay in which you: Describe one or more toys and; or games of the Depression era, and Describe one or more toys and/ or games you enjoy. After describing them, show the similarities and differences between the two types of toys and games. From your

"0 197 study of toys and games, compare what itwas like to grow example, in the lesson on "News About Handsat up during the Depression to what it is like to grow up now. School," the teacher made an interestingstory line EVALUATION and accuracy of description the key elements; neatness The teacher will evaluate according to the following and error-free writing were reinforced but considered rubric. The paper is worth a total of 10 points: as secondary to content. In the "Pac Man or Kick the 5 pointsDrawing conclusions/Content Can?" scoring guide, the teacher stressed thinking 3 pointsStructure skills, followed by organizational writing skills,appro- 2 pointsMechanics/Format priate paragraph form, and correct mechanics and PRIMARY TRAIT DRAWING CONCLUSIONS/CONTENT grammar. A 5 paper draws conclusionscompares childhood during the When creating the scoring guide,one must identify Depression with childhood today by giving examples ofone or the purpose for writing, the audience to whom the more toys/games from each era and by analyzing the similari- writing will be addressed, and the domainor mode of ties and differences of each. the writing requested. Once these objectivesare I;stab- A 4 paper draws only one conclusion but otherwise fulfills the fished, it is easy to determine the primary and second- same criteria as a 5 paper. ary traits of the lesson. For instance, if the prompt A 3 paper discusses only the toys/games and distinguishes between the two eras without drawing conclusions. asks the writer to explain how to makea peanut but- A 2 paper does not discuss the similarities and differences of ter sandwich, it is of primary importance that the the toys/games in each era. directions be clear and in the propersequence in order A I paper does not provide sufficient detail about the toys/ for the reader to understand and follow them. Ifthe games or does not give one example from each era. writer fails to tell the reader to open the jelly jar, it will SECONDARY TRA ITS STRUCTURE not matter how vividly he or she describes its contents. AND MECHANICS/FORMAT The major goal of the PTS system is not to provide STRUCTURE a grading or ranking device for writing. The goal is to A 3 paper follows a three-paragraph structure using topicsen- describe the strengths and weaknesses of individual tences, details, and transitions. compositions so that students will understand clearly A 2 paper omits one of the elements of a 3paper. what the characteristics of a successful A I paper omits two of the elements of a 3paper. response are n:ECHANICSIFORMAT and be able to write and revise with those characteris- ticsin mind. Having identified the primary and A 2 paper has neat margins, handwriting, and identions; ituses proper spelling and capitalization and has a title. secondary traits, the teacher can plan prewriting activi- A I paper is not neat or does not follow the formatgiven in ties which will help students achievea successful class. response. A 0 paper addresses neither neatness not format. N. At the same time that the system c!carly delineates In lessons of the type just cited, the teachercan for students the writing tasks they..-e being asked to design a scoring system that weighsmore heavily on perform, it enables the teacher to formulate hisor her the primary trait he or she wishes to highlight. For priorities in regard to writing instruction andto tailor assignments to foster the development of specific skills. Teachers who wish to stress fluency first and then form and correctness will find this system useful, as will teachers in curriculum areas other than English who wish to emphasize content. PTScan also be used to help transfer grammatical concepts, syntactical structures, and mechanical rules to students' writing, because mastery of a specific conventional skill (such as use of proper dialogue format in a narrative or the use of the colon in a descriptive essay) can be built into the scoring guide as a prim4ry trait. After some exposure to P1 S, the students themselves will be able to contribute to the creation of primary and secondary trait scoring guides for future writing assignments. As their understanding of this process deepens, they will begin to develop an inherent set of criteria for what good writing isnot juston specific assignments, but good writing in general and be better able to evaluate and revise theirown papers before turning them in.

198 21 4

Some Techniques for Oral Evaluation By Michael O'Brien English Teacher, Foothill High School, Tustin Unified School District; and Teacher/Consultant, UCI Writing Project

Oral evaluation of student papers is like the bicycle had any problem or questions with the writing of in my garage: neglected but patiently waiting in the the paper. corner. Well, I decided to pull oralevaluation out of 4. I try to give favorable comments early if I sense the cobwebbed corner, clean up the moving parts, and that the student has given a good effort. (The try it. With the help of a lecture I heard byDorothy oral evaluation is a much more positive expe- Bray of Sacramento City College, I found that oral rience because written evaluations tend to be evaluation was a very effective vehicle. overwhelmingly negative, no matter how I try.) My motivations for trying oral evaluation were not 5. In my criticisms I t cy to cover one or two major entirely selfless: I got very tired of grading papers after problems, realizing that this is about as much as school or at home. Also, I got frustrated about how most of the students can work on at onetime. my carefully written comments wereeither neglected or misunderstood. Sc Ibegan to evaluate papers 6. I give the student a chance to respond and ask orally in class. I found through my own experience questions. Often, a short explanation can clear and listening to Dr. Bray at a meeting of theUniver- up major concerns. sity of Californi-_ at Irvine's Writing Project that the following techniques were effective: The teacher& a facilitator of the writing /' 1.I assign papers of about 400 words so I can evaluate six or seven of them in a 50-minuteperiod learning process by creatilig,tin,enitiron- and, thus, can plan on completing a class set in ,ment that.freolkocive toleaming; about five days. assigning: writing' is nOtthe sane thing, as tedching*Eitingi,,, 2. While I work individually with a student at my JAMaR,GRAY desk, the others are working on writing assignments or on work sheets to help them in areas of weakness. 7. I have each student bring his or her journal to 3. I structure the conference to the needs of each the conference to record my comments, both student by asking at the outset whether he or she favorable and critical. Thus, the student has a log where he or she keeps all of my comments. EDITOR'S NOTE. We are grateful to the National Council ofTeachers of This approach is very effective for isolating English for granting us permission to reprint this article, which appeared in the January, 1982, issue of the English Journal. chronic problems and areas of improvement.

212 199 8. I do not grade the assignment. After doing two or more of the same type of paper, the student will choose the one that has the most promise and rewrite it. Then I evaluate the final copy and grade it in the traditional way. After using this method in my three composition classes for one quarter of a school year not longago, I asked the students to write their anonymousresponses to the following questions: 1. Should we continue oral evaluations? 2. If so, why? If not, why not? 3. How would you suggest they be improved? A 4. Out of 98 students, all but one felt we should con- having smaller classes, a solution thatwas not in my tinue. This was a typical comment about whywe power, unfortunately. should continue: I do not purport that my informalsurvey is conclu- Yes, I would like to see oral evaluations continue. Iget sive evidence that oral evaluation works. And,cer- a much better understanding of whether or not my paper tainly, little in the professional literature eithercon- is well written. Ycu can explain things in detail whereas firms or denies the effectiveness of oral evaluation. you couldn't simply by writing down comments. I also For example, the Educational Resources Information like being able to tell you what I think is wrong withmy paper and learning if it is or it isn't. Center (ERIC) lists only one study from 1967-1980, and it was admittedly inconclusive. But inmy expe- To the question regarding suggested improvements, rience oral evaluation has increased appreciablythe most students had none to suggest. Some, however, effectiveness of my teaching while decreasing the time were frustrated that it took me five days to get to the I spend after school grading papers. No, I donot last students. Others felt that I should have taken spend my extra time bike riding. (My bike is still in more time with each paper. Both of these were valid the garage, the old tires rotting.) I spend it doing les- concerns, but I could only solve these problems by son plans.

Practical Ideas for Eviluation

eaching writing problems and strengths. I duplicate enough of Self-evaluation Skills these model essays for one class and set them aside. to Student Writers Four or five weeks later (using essays fromone class as models for another class), I distribute these model papers to each class. Students are asked to read and By Carol 0. Sweedler-Brown grade these three essays withoutany prior discussion. Assistant Professor, Study Skills Center After they have graded them, I writeon the chalk- San Diego State University board the range and frequency of grades assignedto each essay. Then we discuss both the problems and Most students find it especially difficult to evaluate strengths of each paper, and I puton the chalkboard their own writing because (1) they have hadno train- the reasons students give for grading eachpaper as ing or practice in applying evaluation skills; (2) they they did. Once the students have committed themare too close to their own writing to be able to deal selv,;s to a grade, class discussion of the relative merits with it objectively; and (3) it isvery threatening to of these essays is often very lively,even raucus. At the admit deficiencies in theirown work. A couple of end of the discussion, I have many evaluation criteria years ago I devised an exercise that helps my students randomly jotted on the chalkboardall directlysug- overcome these problems. gested by the students. Then we organize these in During the third or fourth week of the semester, broad categoriesclarity, structure, content,gram- after my students have donesome writing, but while mar, and so forthand decide which categories of they are still fairly green, I assignan in-class essay. I criteria are more important than others in determin- read these essays at home, and from each ofmy ing the overall grade of thepaper. (So this activity classes I select three essays that presenta range of also becomes an exercise in organizing and categoriz-

200 ing.) At this point. I emphasize to the students that earlier, they are not as threatened by their short- they are capable of establishing valid standards for comings because they feel that they have improved. good writing. After the students have evaluated their own papers At the next class meeting, I bring in the essays that (amidst groans and giggles, "Did I write this ? "), I give my students wrote four or five weeks earlier.By this them the three other evaluation sheets, and they com- time, I have duplicated copies of the criteria estab- pare their evaluations with thoseof their peers (un- lished by the class, and I leave plenty of room on the signed). Usually, the assessments are surprisingly con- sheets for comments after each criterion and a place sistent. Then I ask the students to revise their essays in for an overall grade. I staple four of these to the back light of all the comments, especially their own Some of each essay, put a code number on each essay and its revisions will involve deep structural changes; and criteria sheets, and remove the student's name from some, just mechanics. the paper. I distribute the essays to the class. (If a I have found that this exercise shows students that student receives his or her own essay, he or she passes they can determine what the qualities of good writing it to someone else.) The students then evaluate the are, and they cr eapply evaluation techniques to their essays on the criteria sheet by commenting about each own essays as part of the revision stageof their criterion, making any other comments that seem writing. appropriate, and assigning the paper an overall grade. After a student finishes grading a paper, he or the tears off the evaluation sheet, puts that in a pile, hands he Writing Folder: the essay to someone else, and takes another essay to A System for Responding grade. In this way, no one's grading can be influenced by the grading or comments of someone else. This to Students' Writing process is repeated by all students until each essay has only one of the four criteria sheets left. Then the essay, By Jim Hahn with no marks on it, is given to the writer who fills in English Teacher, Armijo High School, the final and most important evaluation. Fairfield-Suisun Unified School District; At this point the writers are in an excellent position and Teacher/Consultant, Bay Area Writing Project to evaluate their own writing because they have just had at least two days of training and practice in perform- If a teacher reads everything a student writes, the teacher is ing the evaluation process. In addition, because the stu- a bottleneck in the writing process. -JAMES Af OFFETT dent writers have not seen the paper for at least a I have been marking papers and wrestling with the month, they will have lost a close identification with it problem of responding to student writing for ten (some students hardly recognize their own papers). years. I have found that traditional systemsof feed- Since the students wrote the papers several weeks back trap us in the frustrating cycle of myriad comments and corrections aimed at students whocontinue to make the same errors. The frustration stemsfrom these areas: there are too many papers to mark. the students do not read our comments, and 0--1 same students make the same errors again and again, regardless of how often we point them out. An analysis of the process of responding to students' writing will help illuminate some of the causes of these problems. Part of the problem with providing feedback on papers is that we try to do too manythings at once. If we take all the marks teachers put onstudents' papers, we could place them in threecategories: (1) comments related to content and organization; (2) notations related to grammar, mechanics, and spelling; and (3) remarks related to evaluation. Each of these categories sends a different message to students. A comment on content implies that the students willrewrite the composition to correct the problem. A mark about grammar or mechanics implies that the studentsneed to make minor corrections to solve the problems.

2tH 2 "41 revising stages. The conventions ofwriting belong to °C. II the editing stage. If you make notationsto your student writers regarding conventions (spelling,gram- Vett < mar, and so forth) too early in the process, they will correct the word or sentence; but then they often will find it very difficult to revise thecontent of the paper later because they are committedto the correct form, regardless of the sense (or nonsense) of thepassage.

44.4.4.44,04 .7424.11. Since evaluations, especially letter grades,imply that the work is finished, they should be used onlyat the Marks of evaluation, such as gradesor even statements end of the process. like "Good work," imply that the composition is Acceptance of the preceding analysis leadsus over- finished. When we consider all of theseareas simul- worked teachers to the unwelcome conclusionthat taneously, we are telling our students (1) rewriteand instead of marking papersonce, they should be rethink the paper; (2) correct thepaper, but do not marked three separate times, with the student necessarily rethink it; and (3) the making paper is finished. changes after each step. If I had to teach onlyone Given the three choices, it isno wonder that our person to write, I might do that; however, with 150 to students seldom do more than look at the grade.I teach each semester, I look for options. I shudder every time I think of the number of have hours designed a system for respondingto writing at differ- spent commenting on student papers only to find ent stages in the composing process, and thesystem, them in the wastebasket soon after I passed them which I will describe in the paragraphs back. that follow, provides students with feedback theycan use and alle- The frustration teachers often feel after responding viates,some of the burden of thepaper load. to and returning papers is easily explained whenone Studentsare constantly collapsing the writing pro- realizes that students and teachers are both trying to cess by taking shortcuts. Our job as teachers isto save time while dealing with the difficult task of writ- expand the process-4o get students ing. On the one hand, teachers, pressed to think and for time, rethink their work as muchas possible. By postponing develop shorthand methods for communicating with the student: aiek. evaluation as long as possible, the writingprocess /7. (and, consequently, the learning process) iskept open. Instituting writing folders for all written On the other hand, students, who work helps are also in a hurry, accomplish this. Students often wishto throw out old usually accept the grade, ignore the cryptic marks, papers. (If the papers have been graded, why should relegate writing to the realm of things they will never they be kept?) However, if thepapers are evaluated en master, and throw their papers in a nearby trashcan. masse at the end of the grading period, the writing If marking the papers for coitent and grammar, folders can be evaluated by the teacher, bythe teacher and evaluating them should not be donesimultane- and student in conference,or they can be self- ously, then the next step is to find out whento do evaluated by the student. These foldershave the what. (See Figure 33 for a diagram showing whatyou added benefits of teaching studentsto be responsible may want to emphasize during each stage of the writ- for their work while demonstrating howmuch they ing process.) have learned. Comments about content and organizationare per- All of my students keep writing folders, which tinent at several stages in the they process. They can help must turn in to me at the end ofa grading period clarify thinking anywhere from the prewriting to the (anywhere from two weeks to a semester in length)to

PREWRITING WRITING RESPONDING REVISING EDITING EVALUATING

Content and organization I Grammar Evaluation Mechanics (grades) Spelling

Fig. 33. Items to Emphasize in Each Stageof the Writing Process

202 get credit for their work. I collect these folders inter- ing as peer respondents to the work of others, they can mittently to provide feedback on the students' work; improve their grasp of grammatical concepts and but I withhold grades until the end of the grading mechanical rules when they must be attentive to the period. Prior to turning in work in progress for my conventions of written English in their classmates' review, I ask students to fill out a cover sheet that papers. When a question arises, I can always serve as a includes a self-evaluation of their paper, a classmate's resource. comments on the piece, and a space for my response In order for the students to track their progress, I (see Figure 34). also have them use a paper log sheet that is kept in each student's folder (see Figure 35). Students transfer

COVER SHEET PROOFREADERS . .

Name. 1. 410 11ke,kcotii0p teityou-whati , Title. 2. .4.000140h inymper Date: 3 offirkarniot 11#,,ii or tt }is hot: AUTHOR'S COMMENTS 9NreARNHAiwoirei0iii0iiards, 0 The thing I like most about this paper is

The thing I like least about this paper is the comments from the cover sheets of individual papers (theirs, a peer partner's, and mine) tothis The things I tried to improve in this paper are- cumulative log. Now, they can begin to see that writing is a craft that one can improve with practice. STUDENTS COMMENTS In addition to gaining ideas for revising specific pieces of writing, they can recognize how the assignments fit together as a sequence and determine what skills they TEACHER'S COMMENTS need to strengthen in future papers. All of my students' writing goes into their folders, but I do not necessarily read or evaluate everything. THINGS TO WORK ON IN YOUR NEXT PAPER ARE: Much writing is only for practice, and some rough drafts are not meant to be final copies. I can spot checkihe folders at intervals throughout the semester, establish a set grading period, and evaluate an entire body of work as a whole. I require that certain Fig. 34. Evaluation Sheet for Student's Writing assignments be revised for evaluation, or I allow my students to select from their folders items for review Youwill note that the cover sheet (Figure 34) also that they believe represent their best work. requires the signature of three proofreaders. When we Once students become used to the writing folder teachers correct our students' errors, we train them to and accept the idea that developing writing ability be lazy proofreaders. I transfer this responsibility to involves practice and that not every draft must be the students by making them the editors of each oth- evaluated, teachers will no longer become "bottle- er's work. In the same way that students gain an intui- necks in the writing process," and students can write tive sense of the criteria for good writing by participat- as much as they need to.

Name What I need to work on Topic Tide What I tried to improve in my next paper

Fig. 35. Log of Student's Writing

203 Adding an The writer uscs precise, apt, or descriptive language. The main points of the essay arc well supported with Analytical Commentary examples. The writer uses ample transitions between ideas,para- to Holistic Scoring graphs, and sections. The writer varies sentence structure and length. The search portion of the essay is properly documented By Carol Booth Olson with footnotes in correct form. Codirector, UCI Writing Project The paper makes reference to a minimum of two primary and two secondary research sources. The paper ii:cludes a formal bibliography. I have found holistic scoring to be a fair, fast, and The writer generally uses effectively the conventions ofwrit- efficient method of providing comprehensible evalua- ten English. tive feedback on student papers. But, in itspure form, it does not allow for the descriptive feedbackthat I use an abbreviated list of the criteria from the most students need in order to determine what specific scoring guide to establish the headings formy feedback. skills they should work on to improve futurepapers. Overall Comments and Suggestions for Improvement Not only do students need this input, but I feel guilty Paper as Learning Experience if I do not provide them with it. It just doesnot seem Analysis of the Three Sections equitable for a teacher to require students to write and Research (Quality and Quantity) then not respond with some form of writtencommen- tary of his or her own. On the other hand, I do not Support with Examples Transition want to fall back into my old habit of spending hours Author's Role writing essays in response to students'essays. I think I have come up with a workable solutionto Footnotes and Bibliography this dilemma. I read each student'spaper, give it a Diction holistic score, and then fill out a form which breaks Syntax down the paper into its key elements: quality of Conventions of Written English thought, structure, diction, syntax, and so forth. Each Paper's score assignment requires a slightly different form. The categories for my analyticalresponse sheet come straight from the rubric on which the paper is Although I feel compelled to provide students with evaluated. For example, here is the scoring guide I a written reaction to their work, I am also one of those developed for a 9-8 paper (on a 1-9 scale) for "A people who eagerly embraces almostany opportunity Sample Prompt, Scoring Guide, and Model Paper for to procrastinate. I find that having aresponse sheet the I-Search," which appears earlier in this book: makes the task of evaluating students'papers seem less formidable. I get to the job earlier and keepon 9-8 This paper is clearly superior. It is well written, clearly task because the headings and the limitedspace pro- organized, insightful, and technically correct. A 9-8 vided (I try to keep the form to paper exhibits most or all of the following charac- one page) necessitate teristics: that I keep focused and to the point. When fillingout the form, I write a brief paragraph of four C Writing the paper was a genuine learning experience for the to five writer, and a person would benefit greatly from reading the sentences in length in which I share my generalreac- paper. tions to the piecein terms of both its strengths and The paper displays evidence of critical thinking offers its weaknesses. Beyond that initial remark, Ido not special insight into the topic discussed. feel obligated to write in completesentences. If an The topic lends itself to investigation and discovery. "OK," "Nice work," or "More specific examples The paper is written in three sections (the formatmay be explicit or implicit): needed" will do, I leave it at that. Ifmore explanation What I know, assume, or imagine (prior to the search) is required, then I provide it. The search (testing knowledge, assumptions, orconjec- Adding an analytical commentary to holisticscor- ture through documented research) ing has eased my conscience in regardto my responsi- What I discovered (comparing what you thoughtyou bility to give students feedbackon their written work. knew with what you learned and offering commentary The method is certainly not as fast and conclusions) r > using holistic scoring alone. But it is stillmore efficient than coming The author takes an active role rather than a passive role in the search. to each student's essay with a blank piece ofpaper and The writer uses research effectively as a supplement to, but an undefined set of expectations, on the one hand,or not as a substitute for, his or her own ideas. an elaborate system of points for each component of The paper's tone and point of view convey a clear sense of the writing assignment, on the other. Inmy opinion, the author's voice, or style. this combination is the best of both worlds.

204 27 This list of selected references was compiled from the Jackson, Shirley. "Charles,"in The Lottery: Or the Adven- publications cited in this document. The references are tures of James Harris.Ncw York: Farrar, Straus & organized according '.o whether they are works of litera- Giroux, Inc., 1949. ture, other sources, or publications about writing. Jensen, Virginia A.Sara and the Door.Reading, Mass.: Addison-Wesley Publishing Co., Inc., 1977. Katz, Boisbi.Nothing but a Dog.Old Westbury, N.Y.: Literature Feminist Press, 1972. Allinson, Beverly.Mitzis Magic Garden.Westport, Conn.. Lee, Harper.To full a Mockingbird.Philadelphia. J. B. Garrard Publishing Co., 1971. Lippincott Company, 1960, Baylor, Byrd.Everybody Needs a Rock.New York. London, Jack.To Build a Fire.Mankato, Minn.. Crcativc Charles Scribner's Sons, 1974. Education, Inc., 1980. Blake, William.Songs of Innocence and of Experience. Lurie, Toby.Comersations Constructions.San Fran- Ncv, York: Oxford University Press, Inc., 1977. cisco: 1429 Page St., Apt. E, San Francisco, CA 94117, Broun, Heywood.The Fifty-First Dragon.Edited by Ann 1978. Rcdpath. Mankato, Minn.. Crcativc Education, Inc., Martin, Bill, Jr.David Was Mad,one of theKin-der Owl 1985. Books.Ncw York. Holt, Rinehart & Winston, Inc., Brown, Margaret W.The Important Book.New York: 1971. Harper & Row Pubs., Inc., 1949. Miller, Arthur.Collected Plays.Vol. 1. New York: Viking Chaucer, Geoffrey.The Canterbury Tales.Edited by A. Press, Inc., 1957. Kent Hicatt and Constance Hicatt. New York. Bantam Miller, Arthur.The Crucible.New York. Penguin Books, Books, Inc., 1981. Inc., 1976. Connell, Richard E. "The Most Dangerous Gamc" inSto- Mizumura, Kazue.If I Were a Cricket.New York. Harper ries.Edited by Frank G. Jennings and Charles J. Calitri. & Row Pubs, Inc., 1973. Ncw York: Harcourt Brace Jovanovich, Inc., 1957. Sandburg, Carl. "Summer Grass,"in Good M,rning, Dickens, Charles.Great ExpectationsNcw York. Bantam America.New York. Harcourt Brace Joano,,..,..1, Inc., Books, Inc., 1981. 1928,1956. Doctorow, E. L.The Book of Daniel.New York. Random Shakespeare, William.Anton and Cleopatra.Edited by E. House, Inc., 1971. Jones. New York: Penguin I3ooks, Inc., 1981. Eliot, T. S.The Waste Land and Other Poems.New York. Shakespeare, William.Romeo and Juliet.Edited by 1'. J. Harcourt Brace Jovanovich, Inc., 1955. Spencer. Ncw York: Penguin Books, Inc., 1981. Golding, William.Lord of the Flies.New York. I'utnam Simon, Marcia L. ASpecial Gift.New York. Harcourt Publishing Group, 1962. Brace Jovanovich, Inc., 1978. Hawthorne, Nathaniel.The Scarlet Letter.New York. Ban- Simon, Nora. /Know What I Like.Niles,Ill.. Albert tam Books, Inc., 1981. Whitman & Company, 1971. Hemingway, Ernest. "Cat in the Rain," :nShort Stories of SteinbeLk, John.Of Mice and Men.New York. Viking- Ernest Hemingway.New York: Charles Scribner's Sons, Penguin, Inc., 1972. 1966. Steinbeck, John.The Red Pont.Ncw York: Viking- Hcycrt, Murray. "The Ncw Kid" inStories.Edited by Penguin, Inc., 1966. Frank G. Jennings and Charles Calitri. New York. Har- Swift, Jonathan.Gulli-er's Travels.New York. Pocket court Brace Jovanovich, Inc., 1957. Books, Inc., 1984.

2 J 8 205 Terkel, Studs. American Dreams: Lost and Found. New Sacramento: California State Department of Education, York: Pantheon Books, 1980. 1986. Tolkein, J. R. R. The Hobbit. Boston: Houghton Mifflin Healy, Mary K. Using Student Writing Response Groups Company, 1966. in the Classroom. Berkeley: Bay Area Writing Project, Twain, Mark. The Adventures of Tom Sawyer. New York: University of California, 1980. Bantam Books, Inc., 1981. Improving Writing in California Schools: Problems and Zolotow, Charlotte. Janey. New York: Harper & Row, Solutions. Sacramento: California State Department of Pubs., Inc., 1973. Education, 1983. Levine, Harold. Vocabulary for the College-BoundStu- dent. New York: AMSCO School Publications, Inc., Other Sources 1983. Levine, Harold. Vocabulary for the High SchoolStudent. Castries, Duc de. Lives of the Kings and Queens ofFrance. New York: AMSCO School Publications, Inc., 1983. New York: Alfred A. Knopf, Inc., 1979. Lomax, William. "Sentence Combining Across the Curric- Chute, Marchette. An Introductionto Shakespeare. New ulum," California English, Vol. 16 (November-December, York: E. P. Dutton and Co., Inc., 1951. 1980), 18-21. Lewis, Gwynne. Life in Revolutionary France.New York: Macrorie, Ken. Searching Writing. Rochelle Park, N.J.: G. P. Putnam's Sons, 1972. Hayden Book Company, Inc., 1980. Liversidge, Douglas. The Day the Bastille Fell. NewYork: Macrorie, Ken. Twenty Teachers. New York: Oxford Uni- Franklin Watts, Inc., 1972. s/ersity Press, Inc., 1985. Usher, Frank. "Louis XVI," in 100 Great Kings,Queens Murray, Donald M. "Internal Revision: A Process of Dis- and Rulers of the World. Edited with an introduction by covery," in Learning by Teaching: Selected Articleson John Canning. New York: Taplinger Publishing Com- Writing and Teaching. Upper Montclair, N.J.: Boynton pany, 1968. Cook Pubs., Inc., 1982. Whitehead, Alfred North. The Aims of Education.New O'Hare, Frank. Sentence-Combining: Improving Student York: Free Press, a Division of Macmillan Publishing Writing Without Formal Grammar Instruction. Urbana, Co., Inc., 1967. Ill.: National Council of Teachers of English, 1973. Olson, Carol Booth. "Personalizing Research in theI- Search Paper," Arizona English Bulletin, Vol. 25, No. 1 Publications About Writing (November, 1983), 147-63. Perl, Sondra. "Understanding Composing," in College Britton, James, and others. The Development ofWriting Composition and Communication, Vol. 31 (December, Abilities (11-18). (Schools Council Research Studies) 1980), 363-69. Houndmills Basingstoke, Hampshire: Macmillan Edu- Rico, Gabriele. Writing the Natural Way: Using Right- cation Ltd., 1975. Brain Techniques to Release Your Expressive Powers. Caplan, Rebekah. Writers in Training: A Guideto Devel- Los Angeles: J. P. Tarcher, Inc., 1983. oping a Composition Program. Palo Alto: Dale Sey- Rico, Gabriele, and Mary Frances Claggett. Balancing the mour Publications, 1984. Hemispheres: Brain Research and the Teaching of Writ- Caplan, Rebekah, and Catherine Keech. ShowingWriting: ing (Monograph). Berkeley: Bay Area Writing Project, A Training Program to Help Students Be Specific.Berke- University of California, 1980. ley: Bay Area Writing Project, University of California, Scardamalia, Marlene. "How Children Cope with the Cog- 1980. nitive Demands of Writing," in Writing: Process,Devel- Cooper, Charles. "An Outline for WritingSentence- opment and Communication, Vol. 2 of Writing: Th:, Combining Problems," in The Writing Teacher's Source- Nature, Development, and Teaching of Written Com- book. Edited by Gary Tate and Edward P. Corbett.New munication. Edited by Carl H. Frederiksen and Joseph York: Oxford University Press, Inc., 1981. F. Dominic. Hillsdale, N.J.: Lawrence ErlbaumAsso- Elbow, Peter.Writing Without Teachers. New York: ciates, Publishers, 1981. Oxford University Press, Inc., 1975. Shaughnessy, Mina P. Errors and Expectations: A Guide Elbow, Peter. Writing with Power: Techniques forMaster- for the Teacher of Basic Writing. New York: Oxford ing the Writing Process. New York: Oxford University University Press, Inc., 1977. Press, Inc., 1981. Stanford, Gene, and Marie Smith. A Guidebook for Teach- Flower, Linda. Problem-Solving Strategies forWriting. ing Creative Writing. Newton, Mass.: Allyn & Bacon, New York: Harcourt Brace Jovanovich, Inc., 1981. Inc., 1981, Graves, Donald H. Balance the Basics: Let ThemWrite. Strong, William. Sentence Combining: A Composing Book. New York: Ford Foundation, 1978. New York: Random House, Inc., 1983. Graves, Donald H. "We Won't Let Them Write:Research Thomas, Irene, and Owen Thomas. Sentence Combining I Update," Language Arts, Vol. 55 (May, 1978), 635-40. and IL St. Louis, Mo.: Milliken Publishing Co., 1984. Handbook for Planningan Effective Writing Program, Wolfe, Tom, and E. W. Johnson. The New Journalism. Kindergarten Through Grade Twelve (Revised edition). New York: Harper & Row Pubs., Inc., 1973.

206 2 : 0 - v

Topics Activities categories, distribution of, 71 two-person use in writing poetry, 36 audiences, writing for, 72, 75, 76 concept of, 73 use in writing poetry, 35 bumper stickers used in opinion writing, developing sense of, 70 Dictionary, activities, any grade level, 180 99 for ESL students, 77 Domains of writing competition day, 172-173 impact on style, 73, 74 activities creative writing, 101 pen pal clubs, 75 grades K-6, 87-97 dictionary, 180 substitute teacher, 76 grades 4-8, 97-99 domains of writing, 83-84, 88-91, 94- writing for, 10, 70, 74 grades 5-9, 101-102 99 Bay Area Writing Project, vii, viii, I, 105 grades 7-12, 86, 93-94, 97-99, 101- freewrite, 79 Brainstorming, 10, 31, 105, 176 102 guided imagery, 93, 103 California State Department of Education, analytical/ expository, 42, 50, 82, 104 holistic scoring, 188-189, 193-194 2, 14 description of, 81-83 "how to" projects, 97-99 California Writing Project, (CWP), vii, viii imaginative/ narrative, 42, 50, 82, 93, iuentifying labels, 58 basic tenets, 2 104 improvisations, 123 fellows, 2, 6 introduction for students, 83-84 literature (See Literature.) staff development workshops, 2 practical/informative, 50, 82, 96-97, 99, oral evaluation, 199 summer institutes, I 104 primary trait scoring, 197-198 Clustering (See also Word-sprouting.) saturation reporting, 108 reluctant writers, 92-93 activities sensory/descriptive, 82, 93, 104 saturation reporting, 106, 1 1 1 grades K-I, 20-21 teaching of, 87 self-evaluation skills, 200 grades 5-9, 22-23, 48, 103, 123 writing assignments in each, 84-87, 101- sequencing, to music, 94 grades 7-12, 23-25 102 sharing/responding, 139, 143- 144 combined with showing, not telling, 62 Editing (See also Re-ising.) showing, not telling, 59-69 definition, 17, 176 read-around groups, 151-152 "Snurdles" project, 171 effect of, 18 role in writing process, 8 team competition, 47, 181-182 essay exam study, 24-25 word processor, 161 vocabulary, 181-182 group clustering, 22 English as a second language (ESL) word-sprouting, 177 in teaching point of view, 115, 119 activity for ESL students, 77 Across the curriculum (See Writing across nonreaders, writers, teaching to, 20 21 audience for ESL students, 77 the curriculum.) symbols, use of, 21 Evaluating Analytical scoring, 204 testimony to the effectiveness of, 23 holistic scoring (See Holistic scoring.) Analytical/ Expository (See Domains of use in science classes, 38-39, 41 oral evaluation, 199 Writing.) Computers (See Word processors.) primary trait scoring (See Primary trait Concept formation, 47 scoring.) Analytical writing in science classes, 42 Correctness, 14 self-evaluation, 200 Arts used in writing game format, 172 writing folder (See Writing folder.) literature (See Literature.) revising for, 166 Evaluation, role in writing process, 8 music for inspiring writing. 94 sentence exercises for, 167-168 Evaluation sheet, 203 poetry (See Poetry.) Creative writing, activity for, 101-102 Experiences Assessing (See Evaluating.) Creative dramatics (See Improvisations.) guided imagery, 124 Audience Critical reading, 114 I-Search paper, 129 activities Critical thinking, 99, 102, 194 personal, effect on writing, 120-121 grades 4-8, 73-76 Dialogue, 35, 69 Expository paragraphs, 130 grades 9-12, 73, 75 silent exchange, 36 Extraterrestrials, 102-104

22f) 207 Fluency, 14 Journals (See also Learning logs.) Point of view Form, 14 clustering, 20 activities to demonstrate, 114, 118, 120- Frame fluency in writing, 42 123 showing, not telling, 64-65 other curricular areas, 42-43 aspects of, 114 use in writing poetry, 35 science classes, 41 dramatic presentation of, 122 Freewrite, 79 Labeling, 57 first person, 124 Grading (See Evaluating.) identifying labels, 58 maintaining objectivity, 119 Grading standards for sentences, 179 replacing labels with images, 58 teaching through characters in a novel, Grammar, 6 Language 118-120 knowledge of, 6 acquisition, 4, 166 third person, 124 practical sentence-exercises, 167 biological process of, 5 with clustering, 115, 119, 123 relation to writing ability, 6, 166 ESL students' needs, 77 /thing for characters in literature, 114 role in curriculum, 170 linguists, 5 writing from parent's, 120 teaching through competition, 172 linguistic knowledge, 6 Popcorn reminiscence, 12-13 use in word-sprouting, 176 opposing thumb analogy with, 4 Postwriting, 13, 15 writing exercises to develop correctness, primary function, 4 171 production of, 26 Practical/informative (See Domains of Group activities (See also Read-around psycholinguistics, 4 writing.) groups.) research, 4 Precomposing all grade levels, 144 Learning logs, 79-80 definition, 31 for class discussion, 68 Left-brain mapping in, 32 for holistic scoring, 193 activity, 6 prompt, used in, 32 grades K-3, 143 capabilities, 17 Prewriting grades 4-6, 151-152 functions, 10 activities grades 4-8, 47 tasks, 166 any grade Ivel, 33-34 grades 9-12, 68, 146, 149-50, 153-54 Letters grades 1-6, 27-37, 40-41, 44-45 response groups, business writing class, pen pal clubs, 75 grades 5-9, 103 146 writing by students, 72-73, 86, 121, 175 grades 7-12, 37-39, 42-45 revising and editing, 151-152 Library, 131 special education, 31 sharing/responding, 143 Literature definition, 26 Guide, for judging stories (See also domains of writing, '01 formula for, 27-29 Rubric.) drama, in point of vies: 121-122 role in writing process, 7 Guided imagery novels in practical; inforn.'tive writing, role-playing to encourage expression, 30 ?..,:tivities, 93, 103, 123 99 steps in, 31-32 fluent writing, 93 pattern writing, 37 teacher's role, 30 social studies, 43-44 point-of-view writing, 114, 11'.-120, 123 use of books in, 29 History, writing activities for, 44-45 short story, 123-126 use of story dolls and puppets, 30 showing, not telling, 66-69 Holistic scoring, 185-195 Primary trait scoring Mailbags, 44-45 activities, 115, 188, 193 activities using, 126, 197-198 Mathematics, 4 analytical commentary, 204 goal of, 198 feedback, 204 Metacognition, 16 uses for, 197 peer-rating groups, 193 Modeling, 14-15 Prompts prompts (See Prompt.) Motivation activities using, 32, 103, 123, 188-189, read-around groups, 154 daily writing of students, 4! rubric (See Rubric.) descriptive writing, 92 192, 197 holistic scoring (See Holistic scoring.) training students to use, 187 for ESL students, 77 precomposing, 32 Imagery (See Guided imagery.) for reluctant students, 92 visual prompts, 192 Imaginative/narrative (See Domains of for sentence-structure patterns, 174 writing.) guided imagery for, 93-94, 103 Punctuation (See correctness.) Improvisations, 123 journal writing, 41-42 Read-around groups (RAGs) In-service training, 12 visual stimuli, 92 activities Instructors (See Teachers.) Music, activity for writing wi.h. 94 grades 4-6, 151-152 Interview, as part of writing activity, 11, Oral language grades 9-12, 152-154 131 developing descriptive writing, 92-93 advantages, 151 I-Search paper integrating writing with, 101 biology class use of, 153 activities evaluating student writing orally, 10 definition, 148 grades 3-6, 130-132, holistic scoring, 126, 154 Parents description of, 127-128 revising and editing, 151 as an audience, 73 steps in the process, 149-150 in teaching students to tell a story, 128 writing from parent's point of view, 120 model student paper, 135-137 suggestions for use of, 150-151 research a subject of interest, 129, 133, Pattern writing students' reactions to, 152 emulating author's style and content, 37 138 Reading research techniques, 130-131 Plagiarism, 128, 130 awareness of point of view, 114, 118 sample prompt, 133 Poetry critical rending skills, 114 scoring guide, 134-135 activities in domains of writing, 88-91 in pattern writing, 37 testimonial for, 137 exercise in writing, 83 teaching practical; informative writing, use of personal experience, 129 introducing students to, 34 99

208 Relationships Secondary trait scoring, 126, 197-198 Vocabulary interpersonal, use for effective writing, Sensory/descriptive (See Domains of activities, grades 7-12, 180 -182 122 writing.) remedial writers, 176 of characters in writing, 122 Sentence combining showing, not telling, 66 Rereading, as part of revision stage, 148 exercises in, 34, 39, 163-164, 168 169 teaching through competition, 181 Research writing across the curriculum, 45-46 verbal density, 182 I-Search paper, 127, 138 Sentence patterns, 174-175 Word-bank, activity for, 34 making it fun, 128, 138 Sequencing skills, 94, 99 Word processors, 161-163 Reports, objectives of, 130 Sharing (See also Sharing/ Responding.) use in revising, 161 Responding (See Sharing/Responding.) ESL students, 77 Word-sprouting, 176-179 Revising I-Search papers, 132 activities in grades 7-12, 177-179 activities for, 165 importance of, 54, 105 remedial writers, 176-178 competency in, 156-157 role in writing process, 7-8 Writing external revision, 156 share days for primary students, 57 activities (See Activities.) internal revision, 155-156 writing efforts, 11 analytical writing, 42 metaprocessing, 159 Sharing/ Responding audience, 10, 70, 74-75 projective structuring, 156 activities daily training exercise, 53-56 pt-blishing to encourage, 159 advice to readers, 143 domains (See Domains of writing.) read-around groups, 148, 152 advice to writers, 143 ESL students, 77 retrospective structuring, 156, 162 business writing class, 146 expository form, 65 role in writing process, 8 grades 1-3, 143-144 importance of sharing, 54 sentence combining, 163 reactions to writing, 140 journal writing, 43 stages in, 160 sharing groups, 143 learning logs, 79-80 word processor used in, 161 summarizing writing, 140 pen pals, 75 writing-response groups used in, 157 writing-response groups, 139 point of view (See Point of view.) Rewriting (See also Revising.) Short story (See Literature.) process (See Writing as a process.) in revising stage, 155 Showing, not telling, 51 regular basis, 52 Right-brain activities role in stage-development model, 7 activity, 6 grades K-2, 57 science, 42, 47-50 capabilities, 17 grades 7-8, 53, 57-58, 62-63 sharing/responding (See Sharing/ integration, 10 grades 9-12, 59-69 Responding.) mapping, as an organizational tool, 32 clustering, 62 showing, not telling (See Showing, not tasks, 166 expository writing, 64 telling.) Rubric vocabulary, 66 tenets for teaching, 11 examples and use of, 33, 185-186, 188- Slide projector, use of, 92, 174 training program, 53 189, 192, 196 Social studies Writing across the curriculum, 41, 43, 47 grading with, 195-196 writing activities in, 43 music, 94 in holistic scoring (See Holistic Spelling history, 45 scoring.) basics in editing, 166 science, 4, 38-42, 47, III, 153 read-around groups, 149 Stages of the writing process, 7 social studies, 43 San Diego Area Writing Project, 11 (See also each of the specific stages.) journal writing, 42 Stage-process model, 7 saturation report, 1 1 1 Saturation reporting Summarizing, as a critical thinking skill, Writing and artwork, 101, 103 activities 118 Writing as a process all grades, 107 Syntactic knowledge, 5 conceptual model, 9-10 grade 2, 1 1 1 Tag questions, 5 demonstration lesson, 14 grades 9-12, 106-111 Teachers editing (See Editing.) add-on, 1 1 1 as facilitator, 8 evaluation, 8 brainstorming for, 106 empathy with student writers, 145 in-service training in, 12 description of, 106 need to write, I introduction to, 11 domains of writing used in, 108, 110 substitute teacher as an audience, 76 recursive process, 10, 13 research paper, 112-113 Thinking, in writing and rewriting, 155 revising (See Revising.) Scoring Thinking/writing process, 16 sharing (See Sharing.) analytical, 204 Topics, importance of in writing, 108, 131 stages of, 13 guide for I-Search paper, 134 Topic sentence, 66, 131 Writing folders, 201 holistic, 115 bumper stickers used as, 99 cumulative log, 203 Science classes Triads, 144-145 editing by students, 203 integrating with writing, 38 University of California, Irvine, 3, 7 responding to writing systems, 202 prewriting activity in, 38 tencts of UCI Writing Project, 11 use of, 202 read-around groups in a biology class, UCI Writing Project, 10 Writing-Response groups (See Sharing, 153 Usage (See correctness.) Responding.) relation to writing, 4 verbal, 183-184 writing activity in, 40-41, 1 1 1 verb, 183-184

222 209 Authors and Titles of Articles in Practical Ideas

Acknowledgments, ix Freedman, Anita, 74, 130 Morton, Barbara, 176, 180 Adapting the 1-Search Paper for the Ele- Gatlin, Patricia, 41 My Search, 132 mentary Classroom, 130 Gold, Sue Ellen, 68-69 Nagel, Greta, 97 The Add-on Saturation Report, 1 1 1 Gossard, Jenee, 148, 154 The New Kid, 123 Adding an Analytical Commentary to Gray, James R., vii, viii,1, 3, 8, 36, 105, O'Bnen, Michael, 25, 160, 181, 194, 199 Holistic Scoring, 204 132, 146, 199 Olson, Carol Booth, 62, 108, 114, 119, 133, Anderson, Lois, 193 Guided Imagery in the Sensory/Descrip- 204 An Argument for Sharing in Triads, 144 tive and Imaginative, Narrative Domains, Opfell, Laurie, 31, 59, 101, 132, 174 At First ... And at Last, 145 93 A Parent's Point of View, 120 Babb, Carl, 47 Guided Imagery in the Social Studies, 43 Patchell, Glenn, 185, 188, 195 Baldwin, Virginia, 26, 42, 75, 197 Hahn, Jim, 201 Pattern Writing with Novels for Adoles- Barnes, Sandra, 171 Healy, Mary K., 70, 76 cents, 37 Beck, Trudy J., 100, 154, 165 Holistic Scoring: The Good News and the Pen Pal Clubs, 75 Bernstein, Ruby, 105, 113 Bad, 194 Pierce, Kathy, 22 Blau, Sheridan, 155, 162, 165, 177 Holistic Scoring and Peer Rating Groups Point of View in Writing, 114 Blough, Rich, 87 in the Elementary Classroom, 193 A Potpourri of Prewriting Ideas for the Bowe, Linda, 1 1 1 Holistic Scoring in the Classroom, 185 Elementary Teacher, 26 Bower, Joan, 138 Honig, Bill, vii, 150 Practical Ideas for Assigning the Satura- Brand, Barbara Farrell, 188 How Do You Really Write? 10 tion Report, 108 Building Vocabularies, 176 How to Carve a Pumpkin-A Writing Practical Ideas for Building Vocabularies, The Bumper Sticker Approach to the Exercise in the Practical/ Informative 180 Topic Sentence for Opinion Writing, 99 Domain, 96 Practical Ideas' for Developing a Sense of Burns, William, 66 How to Do "How To," 97 Audience, 73 Burris, Pam, 192 Huck, Todd, 47, 102 Practical Ideas for Evaluation, 200 The California Writing Project, I Hunter, Charrie, 40 Practical Ideas for Prewriting in Different Caplan, Rebekah, 51, 58, 115 The I-Search Paper A Perfect Compro- Subjects, 40 Carr, Michael, 20, 57, 96, 143 mise, 137 Practical Ideas for Prewriting in the Ele- Carr, Michael, and Erline Krebs, 34 I Think We Need to Write a Substitute's mentary School, 31 Ching, Evelyn, 182 Manual, 76 Practical Ideas for Read-Around Groups, Chittenden, Lynda, 73, 76 Implementing Sharing Groups in the First 151 Clustering: A Prewriting Process, 17 Grade Classroom, 143 Practical Ideas for Revising, 160 Clustering in First Grade, 22 An Inside Look at Fear. Point of View Practical Ideas for Sharing, Responding, Clustering on Circles, 22 inThe Crucible,121 143 Clustering with Nonreaders, Writers, 20 Integrating Clustering and Showing, Not Practical Ideas for Teaching Point of View, Competence for Performance in Revision. Telling, 62 118 155 Interviews-A Good Way to Get Started, Practical Ideas for Teaching Writing as a Compromising with an Ideal: Rubrics II Process, 10 Based on Grades, 195 Introducing Teachers to the Concept of Practical Ideas for Teaching the Domains Conlon, Mike, 94 Writing as a Process, 11 of Writing, 87 Corona, Laurel, 44 Introduction, I Practical Ideas for Training Students to Creative Practice with Sentence Patterns, It Works! 23 Show, Not Tell, 57 174 Johnson, Martha, 11 Practical Ideas for 'Using Clustering in the D'Aoust, Cathy, 7, 14, 112, 195 Journal Writing Across the Curriculum, 42 Prewriting Stage, 20 Dawson, Diane, 151 Judd, Jerry, 16, 163 Practical Ideas for Using Holistic Scoring, Deceptive Definitions: Making the Dic- Just a Few Words on Sentence Combining 188 tionary a Treasure Chest, 180 Across the Curriculum, 4f Practical Ideas for Using the I-Search The Demonstration Lesson, 14 Koff, Sheila, 146, 152 Paper, 130 Developing Fluency Through Poetic Dia- Krebs, Erline S., 33 Practical Ideas on Revising for Correct- logue, 34 Learning Logs, 79 ness, 171 Developing a Sense of Audience, or Who Lee, Jim, 38, 61 Preface, viii Am I Really Writing This Paper For? A Lesson onPoint of View ... That Preparing Junior High School Students 70 Works, 114 for Showing, Not Telling, 57 Domains of Writing, 81 Lomax, William, 45 Preparing Students to Writ? the Saturation Elbow, Peter, 116, 139, 145, 147, 160 Macrorie, Ken, 127, 130 Report, 108 Evaluation Techniques, 199 Mailbags andMiscellany. Writingin Preparing for Showing, Not Telling, Evaluation, 185 History Classes, 44 Through Share Days, 57 An Exercise to Introduce the Concept of Making Correctness Creative: The "Snur- Prewriting, 17 Audience to Students and Teachers, 73 dles" Project, 171 Prewriting Assignments Across the Curric- Exploring the New Domains with ar. Martinez, Elizabeth B., 23 ulum, 38 Extraterrestrial, 102 McHugh, Nancy, 81 Prewriting in Different Subjects, 38 Filardo, Marie, 57, 118 Mendoza, Carolyn, 77 Prewriting in the Elementary School, 26 Foreword, vii Moffatt, Mindy, 79, 180 A Primary Experience with Snails, 40 Frank, Russell, 161, 172 Morgan, Paulette, 14-15 Primary Trait Scoring, 197

210 The Process, 7 Showing, Not Telling, 51 Two Activities That Encourage Real Re- Prompts and Rubrics for Second Grade Simpson, Julie, 31. 64, 121, 145 vision. 165 Teachers, 188 Snake in the Grass: An Integrated Ap- Using Clustering as a Study Skill, 24 Propagating Clusters, 25 proach to Concept Formation, 47 Using Fictional Techniques for Nonfiction Providing an Audience for ESL Students Snap, Crackle, Think! 31 Writing, 105 and a Reason to Write, 77 Some Basics That Really Do Lead to Using RAGs to Teach Revising and Edit- RAGs for Sharing/ Responding, 148 Correctness, 166 ing at the Elementary Level, 151 Reardon, Mark, 123 Some Guidelines for Writing-Response Using Read-Around Groups for Holistic The Reawakening of Curiosity: Research Groups, 139 Scoring, 154 Papers as Hunting Stories, 127 Some Techniques for Oral Evaluation, 199 Using Read-Around Groups in a Biology Reeves, Elizabeth Williams, 22, 37, 99, 118 Specific Activities for Teaching tne Do- Class, 153 Reichardt, Charles L., 144 mains of Writing in the Elementary Using Read-Around Groups to Establish Research Made Fun: Students' Responses Grades, 87 Criteria for Good Writing, 148 to the I-Search Paper, 138 Sprowl, Dale, 43, 93, 120 Using Visual Prompts for Holistic Scoring, Response Groups in the Business Writing Starbuck, Susan, 10, 11, 24 192 Class, 146 Stages in the Revising Process, 160 Using Visual Stimuli to Motivate Reluc- Revising for Correctness, 166 Students' Reactions to the Read-Around, tant Writers and to Foster Descriptive Revising with Sentence Combining, 163 152 Writing Skills, 92 Rewriting/Editing, 155 Sweedler-Brown, Carol 0., 200 Verbal Density: Expanding Students' Use Rico, Gabriele Lusser, 17, 114, 119 Talking Students Through the Thinking- of Verbs, 182 The Rock Experience, 33 Writing Process, 16 Walden, Karen, 75 A Sample Prompt, Scoring Guide, and Teaching Correctness with Competition We Are All Out-of-Date Scientists, 4 Model Paper for the I-Search, 133 Day, 172 Welcome to the New World! 101 Sanderson, Judith, 153 Teaching Point of View Through Charac- Willet, Sue Rader, 11, 31, 92 The Saturation Research Paper, 112 ters from a Novel, 118 word-Sprouting: A Vocabulary Building Schiller, Charles, 195 Teaching Practical/ Informative Writing Strategy for Remedial Writers. 176 Science SearchThe Write Way, 41 Through Novels, 99 Writing About Literature with Showing, Selected References, 205 Teaching Self-evaluation Skills to Student Not Telling, 66 Sequencing to Music: the Narrative Writers, 200 The Writing Folder: A System for Re- Domain, 94 Teaching Vocabulary Through Competi- sponding to Students' Writing, 201 Serences, Margaret, 42 tion, 181 Writing for a Live Audience, 74 A Seventh Grade Approach to Point of Teaching Writing as a Process, 7 Writing the I-Search Paper, 127 View, i 18 Teaching the Domains of Writing, 81 Writing the Saturation Report, 105 Sharing/Responding, 139 Thomas, Irene, 166, 173 Writing to "Dear Abby," 75 Showing, Not Telling, A Stepping Stone Thomas, Owen, 4, 16, 41, 168 Writing, 70 Toward Expository Writing, 64 Yes, There Is a Better Way: Revising on Tracy, Norma, 137 Showing, Not Telling, AboutThe Canter- the Word Processor, 161 bury Tales,68 A Training Program for Student Writers, Showing, Not Telling: Setting, Character- 51 ization, Conflict, 59 Turner, Mary, 87

Authors, Composers, and Works Cited in Practical Ideas

The Adventures of Tom Sawyer,37 "Canon in D," 33 Debussy, Claude, 96 Aims of Education,128 The Canterbury Tales,68-69 The Development of Writing Abilities Allison, Beverley, 29 "Cat in the Rain," 60-61 (11-18), 70, 71, 114 American Dreams: Lost and Found, 77 Cezanne, 183 Dickens, Charles, 59 Anthony an ' Cleopatra,25 "Charles," 120 Doctorow, E. L., 53 Arizona English Bulletin,133 Chaucer, Geoffrey, 68 Eliot, T. S., 66 Arizona Highways,92 Chateaubriand, Vicomte Francois Rene English in Texas,128 Balancing in the Hemispheres; Brain de, 121 English Journal,199 Research and the Teaching of Writing, Chute, Marchette, 184 Errors and Expectations: A Guide for the 20 Claggett, Mary Frances, 20 Teacher of Basic Writing,163 Baylor, Byrd, 33 College Composition and Communica- Everybody Needs a Rock,33 Blake, William, 160 tion,7, 156, 162 Fielding, Gabriel, 81 The Book of Daniel, 53 Connell, Richard E., 184 "The Fifty-First Dragon," 66 Boston, Bruce 0., 159 Conrad, Joseph, 115 Flower, Linda, 159 Boswell, James, 122 Conversations and Constructions,34 Frost, Robert, 23, 71, 83, 183 Boyer, Ernest, vii Cooper, Charles, 164 Fry, Edward, 118 Bradbury, Ray, 51 The Crucible,121 Golding, William, 101 Bray, Dorothy, 199 Dale, Edgar, 73 Good Morning, America,35 Britton, James, 70, 72, 114 David Was Mad,29 Grapes of Wrath, 85 Brown, Margaret W., 29 De Gourmont, Remy, 124 Graves, Donald H., 155

2 4 211 Great Expectations,59-60 Murray, Donald, 109, 149, 155, 164, 179, Smith, Marie, 58 A Guidebook for Teaching Creative ;Jilt- 187 Sommers, Nancy, 158 ing,58 "My Papa's Waltz," 83 Songs of Innocence and Experience,160 Gulliver's Travels,101 The New Journalism,107 A Special Gift,118-120 Handbook for Planning an Effective "The New Kid," 123 Stanford, Gene, 58 Writing Program,vii, ix, 2, 3, 112, 166 "I904-The Forgotten Games," 183 Steinbeck, John, 51, 60, 66, 85, 114, 182 Hawthorne, Nathaniel, 46 Nothing but a Dog,29 Stevenson, Robert Louis, 102 Hemingway, Ernest, 60, 140 Of Mice and Men,66, 114-115 "Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Even- Herrick, Robert, 128 O'Hare, Frank, 46, 168 ing," 83 Heyert, Murray, 123 Ortega y Gasset, Jose, 117 Stravinsky, Igor, 95 The Hobbit,99, 118 "An Outline for Writing Sentence- Strong, William, 168 Horace, 49 Combining Problems," 164 "Summer Grass," 35 "How Children Cope with the Cognitive Pachelbel, Johann, 33 Swift, Jonathan, 101 Demands of Writing," 13 Perelman, S. J., 4 Terkel, Studs, 77 IKnow What I Like,29 Peri, Sondra, 7, 8, 156, 162 Tiedt, Iris, 130 If I Were a Cricket,29 "Personalizing Research in the I-Search "To Build a Fire," 46 The Important Book,29 Paper," 133 To Kill a Mockingbird,64, 121 Improving Writing in California Schools: Petts-Gamtt, Will, 159 Tolkien, J. R. R., 99, 114 Problems and Solutions,134 Problem-Solving Strategies for Writing, Tolstoi, Leo, 155 Inge, William, 56 159 Twain, Mark, 37, 51-52, 156 "Internal Revision: A Process of Discov- Red Pony,60 Twenty Teachers,130 ery," 155 Roethke, Theodore, 83 "Understanding Composing," 7, 156, 162 Introduction to Shakespeare,184 Romeo and Juliet,67 Updike, John, 95 Jackson, Shirley, 120 Sandburg, Carl, 35 Upton, Albert, 104 James, Henry, 25 Scardamalia, Marlene, 13 Using Student Writing Response Groups Janey,29 Scarlet Letter,46 in the Classroom,70 Jensen, Virginia A., 29 Searching Writing,127, 130, 133 Virgil, 127 Jones, Grahame L., 183 Selected Articles on Wiling and Teaching, Vocabulary for the College-Bound Stu- Johnson, E. W., 107 155 dent,182 Katz, Bobbi, 29 Sentence-Combining: A Composing Book, Vocabulary for the High School Student, Keech, Catherine, 51 168 182 Keller, Helen, 5 "Sentence-Combining Across the Curricu- Whitehead, Alfred North, 128 La Mer,96 lum," 46 Wilson, Woodrow, 182 Le Sacre du Printemps, 95 Sentence-Combining: Improving Student Wolfe, Tom, 105 Lee, Harper, 64-65, 121 Writing Without Formal Grammar Writers in Training. A Guide ,o Developing Lewis, C. Day, 83 Instruction, 46,168 a Composition Program, 51 London, Jack, 46 Sentence-Combining I and II,168 Writing: Process, Development, and Lord of the Flies,101 Shakespeare, William, 67 Communication,13 Lurie, Toby, 34 Shaughnessy, Mina P., 163 The Writing Teacher's Sourcebook,164 Martin, Bill, Jr., 29 Shaw, George Bernard, 202 Writing the Natural Way,20 Menken, H. L., 141 Short Stories of Ernest Hemingway,61 Wilting: The Nature, Development, and Miller, Arthur, 121 Showing Writing: A Training Program to Teaching of Written Communication,13 Miller, Henry, 29 Help Students Be Specific,51 Writing with Power: Techniques for Mas- Mitzi's Magic Garden,29 Shuy, Roger, 129 tering the Writing Process,139 Mizumura, Kazue, 29 Simon, Marcia L., 118-120 Writing Without Teachers,13, 116, 139 Model Curriculum Standards,vii Simon, Neil, 163 Zolotow, Charlotte, 29 Moffett, James, 201 Simon, Norma, 29 "The Most Dangerous Game," 184 Smith, George Otis, 55

212 p

This publication is one of over 600 that are available from the California State Department of Education. Some of the more recent publications or those most widely used are the following. ISBN Title (Date of publication) Price 0-8011-0271-5 Academic Honesty (1986) $2.50 0-8011-0471-8 Addendum to the 1985-86 California Private School Directory (1986) 7.75 0-8011-0272-3Administration of Maintenance and Operations in California School Districts (1986) 635 0-8011-0216-2Bilingual-Crosscultural Teacher Aides: A Resource Guide (1984) 3.50 0-8011-0238-3Boating the Right Way (1985) 4.00 0-8011-0275-8California Dropouts: A Status Report (1986) 2.50 0-8011-0472-6California Private School Directory (1986) 9.00 0-8011-0473-4California Public School Directory (1987) 14.00 0-8011-0488-2Caught in the Middle: Educational Reform for Young Adolescents in California Schools (1987) 5.00 0-8011-0241-3 Computer Applications Planning (1985) 5.00 0- 8011 -0242 -I Computers in Education: Goals and Content (1985) 2.50 0-8011-0659-1Educational Software Preview Guide (1987) 2.00 0-8011-0243-X Elementary School Program Quality Criteria (1985) 3.25 0-8011-0041-0English-Language Arts Framework for California Public Schools (1987) 3.00 0-8011-0663-X English-Language Arts Model Curriculum Guide. Kindergarten Through Grade Eight (1987) 2.25 0-8011-0247-2Handbook for Conducting an Elementary Program Review (1985) 4.50 0-8011-0248-0Handbook for Conducting a Secondary Program Review (1985) 4.50 0-8011-0289-8Handbook for Physical Education (1986) 4.50 0-8011-0249.9Handbook for Planning an Effective Foreign Language Program (1985) 3.50 0-8011-0310-7 Handbook for Planning an Effective Literature Program (1987) 3.00 0-8011-0 i 79-4Handbook for Planning an Effective Mathematics Program (1982) 2.00 0 -8011 -0290 -I Handbook for Planning an Effective Writing Program (1986) 2.50 0.8611-0224-3Handbook for Teaching Cantonese-Speaking Students (1984) 4.50 0-8011-0291-X Handbook for Teaching Pilipino-Speaking Students (1986) 4.50 0-8011-0204-9Handbook for Teaching Portuguese-Speaking Students (1983) 4.50 0-8011-0250-2Handbook on California Education for Language Minority Parents-Chinese, English Edition (1985) 3.25 0-8011-0227-8Individual Learning Programs for Limited-English-Proficient Students (1984) 3.50 0-8011-0466-1Instructional Patterns: Curriculum for Parenthood Education (1985) 12.00 0 -8011 -0208 -IManual of First-Aid Practices for School Buc Drivers (1983) 1.75 0-8011-0209-X Martin Luther King, Jr., 1929-1968 (1983) 3.25 0.8011 -0358.4Mathematics Framework for California Public Schools (1985) 3.00 0-8011-0664-8Mathematics Model Curriculum Guide. Kindergarten Through Grade Eight (1987) 2.75 0-8011-0252-9Model Curriculum Standards: Grades Nine Through Twelve (1985) 5.50 0-8011-0229.4Nutrition Education-Choose Well, Be Well: A Curriculum Guide for Junior High School (1984) 0. 8011-0228-6Nutrition EducationChoose Well, Be Well. A Curriculum Guidc for High School (1984) 8.00 0-8011-0182-4Nutrition Education-Choose Well, Be Well: A Curriculum Guide for Preschool and Kindergart-n (1982) 8.00 0-8011-0183-2Nutrition Education-Choose Well, Be Well: A Curriculum Guide for the Primary Grades (1982) 8.00

The following editions are also available, at the same price. Armenian, English, Cambodian, English, Hmong, English, Korean/ English, Laotian/ English, Spanish/ English, and Vietnamese/ English.

6 213 0-8011-0184-0Nutrition Education, Choose \Veil, Be \Veil. A Curriculum Guide for the Upper Elementary Grades (1982) 8.00 0-8011-0230-8Nutrition Education- Choose \Veil. Be Well. A Resource Manual for Parent and Community Involvement in Nutrition Education Programs (1984) 4.50 0-8011-0185-9Nutrition EducationChoose \Veil. Be \Veil. A Resource Manual for Preschool, Kindergarten, and Elementary Teachers (1982) 2.25 0-8011-0186-7Nutrition Education-Choose \Veil, Be Well: A Resource Manual for Secondary Teachers (1982) 2.25 0-8011-0253-7Nutrition EducationChoose \Veil, Be \Veil: Food Photo Cards (with nutrient composition charts) (1985) 10.00 0-8011-0254-5Nutrition Education --Choose \Veil. Be Well. Teaching Materials for Preschool, Kindergarten Curriculum Guide (in color) (1985) 7.50 0-8011-0255-3Nutrition Education-Compute \Veil, Be Well: Computer Activities for the Classroom, Preschool/ Kindergarten (1985) 12.50 0 -8011 -0256 -I Nuttition Education-Compute \Veil, Be Well. Computer Activities for the Classroom, Grades 1-3 (1985) 12.50 0-8011-0257-X Nutrition Education-Compute \Veil. Be Well. Computer Activities for the Classroom. Grades 4--6 (1985) 12.50 0-8011-0302.7 A Parent's Handbook on California Education (1986) 3.25 0-8011-0305-3Paths Through High School: A California Curriculum Study (1987) 4.00 0-8011-0671-0Practical Ideas for Teaching Writing as a Process (1987) 6.00 0-8011-0309-6Program Guidelines for Hearing Impaired Individuals (1986) 6.00 0-8011-0258-8Program Guidelines for Severely Orthopedically Impaired Individuals (1985) 6.00 0-8011-0310-X Program Guidelines for Visually Impaired Individuals (1986) 6.00 0-8011-0213-8Raising Expectations: Model Graduation Requirements (1983) 2.75 0-8011-0311-8Recommended Readings in Literature, K-8 (1986) 2.25 0-8011-0214-6 School Attendance Improvement: A Blueprint for Action (1983) 2.75 0-8011-0189-1Science Education for the 1980s (1982) 2.50 0-8011-0339-8Science Framework for California Public Schools (1978) 3.00 0 -8011 -0354 -I Science Framework Addendum (1984) 3,00 0-8011-0665-6Science Model Curriculum Guide: Kindergarten Through Grade Eight (1987) 3,25 0-8011-0262-6 Secondary School Program Quality Criteria (1985) 3.25 0-8011-0315-0Selected Financial and Related Data for California Public Schools (1986) 3.00 0-8011-0265-0 Standards for Scoliosis Screening in California Public Schools (1985) 2.50 0-8011-0486.6 Statement on Preparation in Natural Science Expected of Entering Freshmen (1986) 2.50 0-8011-0318-5Students' Rights and Responsibilities Handbook (1986) 2.75 0-801!-0234-0Studies on Immersion Education: A Collection for U.S. Educators (1984) 5.00 0-8011-0192-1Trash Monster Environmental Education Kit (for grade six) 23.00 0-8011-0236-7University and College Opportunities Handbook (1984) 3.25 0-8011-0344-4Visual and Performing Arts Framework for California Public Schools (1982) 3.25 0-8011-0237-5 Wet 'n' Safe: Water and Boating Safety, Grades 4-6 (1983) 2.50 0-8011-0194-8Wizard of Waste Environmental Education Kit (for grade three) 2C.00 0-8011-0464-5Work Permit Handbook (1985) 6.00 0-8011-0648.6Writing Assessment Handbook (1986) 10.00 0-8011-0270-7Young and Old Together. A Resource Directory of Intergenerational Resources (1986) 3.00

Orders should be directed to: California State Department of Education P.O. Box 271 Sacramento, CA 95802-0271 Please include the International Standard Book Number (ISBN) for each title ordered. Remittance or purchase order must accompany order. Purchase orders without checksare accepted only from governmental agencies in California. Sales tax should be added to all orders from Califor- nia purchasers. A complete list of publications mailable from the Department, including apprenticeship instructional materials, may be obtained by writing to the address listed above or by calling (916) 445-1260.

214 ISBN 0-8011-0671-0 87 76020 86.83 03-0284 4.87 30M