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So, you've made it tbis far; all the way to uni again for another year. Or for your first. You've .a •;1 found a clean pair of clotlies, and some bus money, and (be ball-point you're using still bas the S ra '? s u ^ 9 'C string attached where you've ripped it off the cashier in the Administration building. And here CO oa you are sbicic In the ID card line-up, already waist-deep in the academic new year. £s .S -•-•'.; tn B PQ *" «• m At times like this, we all need a bit of moral support. Which is why the first issue of Semper tbis U9 year is loosely dedicated to leisure. This issue, we're Dropping the Science on how to relax: •S S w web-surfiig, slumber parties, fashion, starting riots, drug-selling holidays to Schoolies. We say to the Issue Is tae/y leisure because, well, we don't have the attention spans for a whole edition so in on lust one theme. So we've not articles on some serious stuff as well, like the Bovernment's draconlan cuts to ABSTIIDY. But we do Include advice on scraping ynur [tobacco-use only) water pipe, and lots and lots of good writing about tunes. Oh yeah, and we've got cartoons. e/3 BB SSSS ' t^ "SS S3E/9 - ^m- SSS Actually, this Issue was supposed to be about leisure aofl travei, but all the people we sent over­ seas haven't come back yet. Nor have they mailed us their articles. Never mind. They know who they are. We know who they are, too. This issue shows what the mainstream media can't give you: smarter looks, sharper words, and a say in everything that goes to pnnt. So contrtbuts. It's the best chance you've got to make a media mark. We live down the stairs from the main refec, opposite the bike repair shop. Hnally, we'd like to thank our glorious contributors, without whom we'd be nothing but a scur­ rilous rag. Probably worse, actually. ms fmilsF mmimilSsifiM Ben mm, fflraMssM m0is iesiiii aiii laHiit:llsviflSs{fi0l RQB SBiitFiMsr 2iii Miis iBiBstBr.MarsBlBiirns!/ ilQ llaiBB Pmolms anil PiibiiEaliBiis miiaiBrJiiiimsmji GBmartBeafrBsl iasiile tnat BamiSBBr^leefrBBliBilji fastiiBB EartBBBS, Us Sissiber Parlr.MlaMHm SaaimB strips: SMstiaBaaUB. ketimes aasstrBiMlaiiaWiBB fas6iB8eiitBr:lliBkSam0 Piatagrafti: Shsma IBB StepliBBS, Sasas /firMf7 IraSiti BalBmislsiHHmBlrBst, Jr., mMBiUmser, ThsBspjiSal Eemmrs aaS featarists: MM fr w KBlissa miEFa, Mma Bam, Heaaji PMips, Starm Baiiamji EaiiaaalBalt. Basse BJ: BJ BasBS Baasa Uat Sikiiea latraBarriEBiar eaasaitaats: "Swre/ ffftt Mar" SHassi Siim, laara MiSilataa, Usa EiBsttrs. Somewhere along the way Thorun had picked up a HoJIyv/ood wannabe hiinbo called 4H Mark, who had been convinced by the Movie World advertising that the Gold Coast was his ticket to stardom. Thorun had told him that she was a producer for Pacific Drive and THP ^HolP ^of^lDi ^o«f)l she vvas looking for some new talent for a role as a handsonie-yet-dcadly drug dealer. I'm not sure quite why he believed her, perhaps he was confused by all the late night repeats that appeared between various soporific infomercials for blow up dolls and x- ray sunglasses. The dude was so green he even had his own cut lunch. To be frank, I didn't really care; his "audition" was making us doiiars. We just loaded him up to the eyeballs and sent him out onto the strip to dump the goods on unsuspecting teenagers ; 9i| THF hungry for The Product. Wall to wall tacky shit. I felt tempted to buy a shirt with 'Gold Coast' written on it in some tcchnicolour scrawl just to fit in. Just so we didn't look so bloody obvious. Some days 1 wonder how I get into these crazy schemes. I'd been sitting on my back verandah contemplating another afternoon smoking cones and attempting to devel­ op the Force when Kenny Phillips called. "It's happened," he said. "Treasury just cut the Semper budget. No money for those Power Ranger suits...." His voice trailed off. My mouth was diy. "What about..." And let's face it, there were so many of them. Kids who couldn't get alcohol because of "Or the cocaine." licensing laws but who still wanted to get messy. And i think we all know the feeling. 1 first got into drugs because when 1 was underage it was so difficult to get alcohol. So 1 cursed. Bee should be more careful. She knows what happened to the last Union treas­ I'd just score some pot or some acid - cheaper, always available and I never had to worry urer who messed with us. "Well Dave," Kenny mmbled, "no use crying about." And he about being breathalysed. But even then I wouldn't have bought from a was absolutely right. "Creative capitalism, that's what this country was bunch of dodgy looking dudes without references in the Gold Coast mall. built on. Capitalism and enterprise. We'll pick up Thorun, get some trav­ Most of the customers were so naive they were ready to believe our insis­ el beers and go exercise our enter})rise initiative by selling drugs to tence that it was 'good stuff (ever heard a dealer say that it was "bad schoolies on the Gold Coast." stuff'?). These kids were so fresh-faced 1 felt ill. Just one look at their wholesome trusting faces plastered with cheesy 100% Manibo grins and, Nodiing in life is more important than riming, and ours was perfect. gentle reader, I wanted to deck them. Tliey reminded me of those weird Just 90 minutes south of BrisVegas we had a readymade market - religious fi-eaks who knock on my door early on Sunday mornings bunches of kids loaded with cash and hungry for dnigs. They had gath­ promising salvation. I used to just scream abuse but I've mellowed in ered together to celebrate tlie end of their education by getting dnink my old age and now just feed them from the supply of special cookies and trying to get laid. Well, it was time to introduce tliem to the real I keep handy. world. Hours later, having dealt in McDonalds, on the beach, in the cafes and Before we even arrived we could feel the craziness of the place radiaring from the bonnet of a police car (I kid you not), even vve began to suspect out in waves. Surfies, tourists and property developers in white sandshoes wc were pushing our luck. The Coast is the kind of place where luck is and Hawaiian shirts; all looking slightly dazed by the neon lights and everytliing. Lose that and you'll find yourself being kicked out of looking to satisfy their lab-rat-like needs. A couple of hours of tlie Coast Jupiters at three in the morning by two rent-a-cops in bad suits to find treatment and all you're fit to do is wear gold jewellery and shop until you're no longer an acceptable product for the Coast. Don't even try to pull your your credit card melts. You know you have lost it when your eye sockets have tan-lines credit card. If you've lost it, you've lost it. Tlie Gold Coast Association of Honourable and you no longer wince at Ken Done designs. And of course by then it is all too late. Gentleman have your face and your number and probably even your DNA on file We stood out from the zombies like Elvis at the Johnny Young Talent Quest. 1 mean, we and you won't even be able to buy a slurpie. You'll be lucky to get out without being were hardly being subtle. We were in the Cavill Street Mall with a large plastic bag of arrested or finding yourself wearing concrete shoes at the bottom of some canal in a dodgy substances and Kenny, ripped out of his gourd, was running up to the currency reclaimed suburb. exchange vendors demanding that they change three million Russian roubles into U.S. dollars. And of course there were the safari suits. So we split. Wc moved every last drug we had, including the Panadol 1 keep in reserve for the morning after, ignored the desire to buy some Ken Done stuff, piled into the bat- mobile and headed north. Back to Brisvegas, The land where we belonged. We cracked open some travel beers, pumped up the Doctor Octagon tape and breathed a sigh of relief as we entered Brissie through Logan. We may have been in one of the ugliest tran­ sit suburbs in the worid, but we were home. dc. with thanks to Commander Harrison Biscuit (Ret.) XTN & CO, 2000 HEY; JUST BECAUSE YOUR I'VE HEARD THE ONLY WAY TO WHEN YOU GET DOWN FROM MONEY HELPED FEED THE REALLY HELP THE POOR IS TO THERE, YOU GOTTA TELL ME HUMANS CAUSING STARVATION, ELEVATE YOUR OWN POSITION... HOW HUMANS WORK THINGS DONT SWEAT IT..! OUT SO FAST... 'WHO'LL GIVE VOU LOW LOU^ PRICES ON YOUR TYRES?' BOB WILL I TRANSCENDENTAL sa maoN AND HIS nm ton wt BEST DW. ON mis AHD mm. MEDITATION BUDGCT STEELS | AUSSIE STEELS | AUSSIE STEELS An economicol choice for Ihose Monufactured by Australia's largest Monufoclurcd by Australio's largest A natural, effortless and enjoyable still conscious of quality. tyre monufocturer. Quolity you tyre nonufocturer. Quality you con cor be ossured of. be assured of, procedure that can be easily learned 155 R13 SUITS SMALL CAM PI 85/75 RI 4 SUITS P205/65 KRIS SUITS by anyone.

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