Jo Saxtonsession One

THE DREAM

JO SAXTONSESSION ONE:

WHAT IS GOD’SPARTICIPANT’S NAME GUIDE FOR YOU?

This participant’s guide is intended for personal reflection and to help facilitate group discussion. If you are leading a group, take the time to watch the video and read over the guide before your meeting and prepare some personal examples to encourage discussion. Remember to print out or email a copy of this participant’s guide to everyone in your group. SESSION ONE:

WHATICEBREAKER IS GOD’S NAMEHave you ever FOR struggled toYOU? appear perfect in someone’s eyes? How have you lived in bondage to others’ expectations? Think about your family heritage. Maybe your people come from a certain country or region, or someone in your family line is famous—or infamous. How does your family background play a part in how you view yourself?

We have our own hopes and dreams for our lives. But life is unpredictable, and sometimes everything goes sideways, leading to shame and regrets. We forget who we really are and carry around “baggage,” as Jo described.

What sort of baggage are you carrying from your past? How did you move toward healing?

Often, we give the past unnecessary power over our present. Whether an ethnic or cultural identity, or a reputation earned by a family member, or something in our own experience, we sometimes allow our association with the past to shape our identity. Jo Jo claimed that “there’s a God who sees you, loves Saxton will show us how to find our identity in Christ you, knows you, and you’re already enough for him.” before all else, to discover who we really are as But Sarah sought acceptance and love from men children of God. This study is based on her book instead of trusting in God’s love for her. That pursuit The Dream of You, which you can read to explore more led to an unwanted pregnancy, resulting in her fear about what we’ll be talking about in each session. that people would judge her. What label do you fear? Today we will explore how we often label ourselves Have you ever spent time reflecting on what, or who, differently from how God sees us. has defined you?

WATCH SESSION ONE: WHAT IS GOD’S NAME FOR YOU? (13MINS)

REVIEW

Jo opened by asking “Who are you?” We may be Has anyone spoken God’s truth over you, reminding daughters, wives, mothers, friends, or colleagues, you that God sees you as his beloved daughter? but we also come from our own family and social backgrounds. We’ve been shaped by so many circumstances and situations that we often lose sight of who truly defines us. Marnie’s story reveals a woman who dealt with great shame at not living up to others’ expectations. She talked about needing to be the good girl, about how everything had to be perfect.

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BIBLEWHAT EXPLORATION IS GOD’S NAMEAPPLY WHAT FOR YOU’VE YOU? LEARNED Read: Read chapters 1–2 from Jo’s book The Names signify character and calling in the Bible. Each Dream of You. name has a meaning, and often they tell the reader important insights into that person. In the book of Journal: Take fifteen minutes to write out a list of Ruth, Naomi goes through terrible loss, which leads to adjectives you have used to describe yourself—good a “dark night of the soul” experience for her. or bad. Then write out all the descriptors that God says are true of you (see Ephesians 1:1–13 for help). Read Ruth 1. How does Naomi rename herself, and what does her new name mean? Remember: Spend a few minutes thanking God for his unconditional love. You may still not quite accept it but thank him anyway. Memorize Ephesians 1:11–12 in The Message translation to help you remember the words that he has spoken over you.

“It’s in Christ we find out who we are and what we’re living for. Long before you ever got your hopes up, he had his eye on you, had designs on you for glorious living, part of the overall purpose he’s working out in everything, and everyone.”

Explore these biblical people whose names God changed. How did their new names reflect God’s call on their lives?

Abram and Sarai — Genesis 17:5–16

Jacob — Genesis 32:27–28

Simon Peter — John 1:41–42

Sometimes moving forward means walking, like Jacob, with a limp. We become aware of our weakness and vulnerability, more dependent on God’s word and His Spirit’s power to transform us. As with Peter, Jesus sees our potential, if only we’ll let him redeem our story. Let your creator redefine you.

SESSION ONE: WHAT IS GOD’S NAME FOR YOU? 3 THE DREAM

JO SAXTONSESSION TWO:

HAVE YOUPARTICIPANT’S LOST YOUR GUIDE VOICE?

ICEBREAKERHAVE YOU LOST DescribeYOUR a situation VOICE? in which you sought perfection instead of excellence. What drove you to that impossible goal? Describe a scene in your life—maybe a party, an outfit, a craft, a photo—in which you tried to recreate a Pinterest-like experience. How close to perfection did you come? Or did your efforts result in an epic fail?

In the second story, Kim faced outside challenges that caused her to deny and hide integral parts of herself in order to survive. Difficult people and unjust social structures are common obstacles to finding fulfillment and being at peace with ourselves.

The word “workaholic” is often, and mistakenly, Have you ever felt silenced or overlooked, forced to associated primarily with men. But don’t women live smaller than the gifted, unique person God made also strive to the point of burnout, pursuing a you to be? perfectionist goal that our world sometimes demands of us? Yet, for so many, our efforts don’t even feel like perfectionism. We’re just doing what is necessary to get by or to survive.

WATCH SESSION TWO: HAVE YOU LOST YOUR VOICE? (13MINS) Sometimes we cannot dig ourselves out of the insecurity pit. We need help. Trusting God’s word REVIEW when he says we are his beloved daughters, that he sees us when others seem to overlook us, can propel us to seek support from others. Do you have Jo wants us to wrestle with the source of our a mentor? identity. Are we like Jennifer, in the first story, who found fulfillment in her work until she realized it had become all-consuming to the point of endangering her values? Whether we labor in the marketplace, or parent full-time at home, or juggle multiple jobs and attend school, the path to perfectionism is wide and difficult to avoid.

How do we allow what we do to dictate our value as a person? Describe a mentor’s influence in your life, either now or in the past. How did this person support and encourage you?

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BIBLEHAVE EXPLORATION YOU LOST ReadYOUR Genesis 16:7–13. VOICE? How did Hagar react when the angel of the Lord reassured her? What name did she give him? Jo explores the stories of two significant women in the Bible. Both of them lived in countries not their own, serving at the pleasure of their masters. In those cultures, their voices had no volume, no power, no input into the course of their lives. Yet God restored their voices, using them to advance his kingdom in remarkable ways.

Esther

The king of Persia, Ahasuerus, had banished his queen, Vashti, after her display of insubordination—denying How does her experience encourage you when you his summons to “show the peoples and the princes her feel invisible, ignored, put down? beauty” (1:11). Esther chapter two picks up sometime later when he began to miss her and regret his decision.

Read Esther 2:1–17. How did the young Jewish girl Hadassah find herself in the king’s harem?

What did she have to do to safely adjust to her new life?

When we feel silenced, forced to hide our true selves in the face of opposition or oppression, Esther reminds us that we can turn to others for support, guidance, and truth. When we face injustice, Hagar reminds us that God still sees us. We are not alone, Now read Esther 3:7—5:8; 7:1–10. Describe the impact and we can take courage from that truth. that Mordecai had on Esther’s situation when she turned to him for advice. How did his mentoring relationship with her help her find her voice? APPLY WHAT YOU’VE LEARNED

Read: Read chapters 3–4 from Jo’s book The Dream of You.

Pray: Thank God for the mentors in your life. Reflect on specific ways you can encourage others in your area of influence and ask God to show you those opportunities.

Hagar Write: Send a note of thanks to someone who helped you navigate the challenges of your life situation. Or Thus far unsuccessful at bearing the child God had write a note of encouragement to someone who needs promised Abram, Sarai gave him her slave girl, Hagar, reminding that they are seen. as a substitute. When Hagar conceived, Sarai became jealous and mistreated the girl. Running away, Hagar encountered God himself in the desert.

SESSION TWO: HAVE YOU LOST YOUR VOICE? 6 THE DREAM

JO SAXTONSESSION THREE:

YOU ARE FULLY KNOWN ANDPARTICIPANT’S DEEPLY GUIDE LOVED This participant’s guide is intended for personal reflection and to help facilitate group discussion. If you are leading a group, take the time to watch the video and read over the guide before your meeting and prepare some personal examples to encourage discussion. Remember to print out or email a copy of this participant’s guide to everyone in your group. SESSION THREE:

YOU AREICEBREAKER FULLY KNOWNWhat AND qualities ofDEEPLY God did you see, or wouldLOVED you liked to have seen, in your own father?

Share a compliment that someone gave you. How long ago did they say those memorable words that still stick with you?

How do you distinguish between the lies you may hear from your own broken story and the truth that God is a good Father?

In previous sessions we’ve learned what God has said about our identity, that we are his chosen daughters. But we may struggle to believe his words when the world—and even our loved ones—shout hurtful, destructive words instead. Negative talk, degrading action, and cruel behaviors all drown out the loving, life-giving message of God. How do we refocus on the words of truth? We listen to all sorts of voices, hearing words of life as well as words of destruction. “There’s a saying that WATCH SESSION THREE: YOU ARE goes, ‘Our words create worlds,’” says Jo, “and when FULLY KNOWN AND DEEPLY LOVED we look at the world that Robyn was in, the words (14MINS) that she heard told her that her body was not good enough.” Robyn’s story resonates with many women who struggle with self-esteem. REVIEW Do you have “old tapes”—words from the past that you can’t forget—playing on repeat in your mind? Are Both Jo Saxton and Joy endured the pain of they words of life or death? absent, neglectful fathers. This crucial but broken relationship affected their ability to accept the unconditional love of God their Father. It’s a common theme for many women, one that leads to unhealthy relationships with men, a sense of loss, and ongoing pain into adulthood. But God doesn’t want us to stay there. Will we believe the loving, healing words he speaks over us?

Describe your relationship with your father. Does it What would it be like to be seen fully and known help you relate to a good, loving heavenly Father, or intimately, and still be loved unconditionally? does a broken relationship on earth complicate how you see God?

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YOURBIBLE ARE EXPLORATION FULLY KNOWNAs ourAND Father, God DEEPLYknows us intimately. HeLOVED designed and created us, after all. Read Psalm 139:13–16. What strikes you as particularly detailed in how he knows Moses, in Deuteronomy, is the first to identify God as us? Write the words or phrases straight from the father of his people. Mark 14:36 shows Jesus calling Scripture. him Abba (“Daddy”). And the apostle Paul picks up that affectionate name in his letters to the churches, where he rejoices with the believers reading his letter.

Read Romans 8:15 and Galatians 4:4–7. What terms of kinship does Paul use in both letters?

Go to the last two verses in Psalm 139. How do you feel asking God to “search me…and know my heart”? Can you trust that when he searches hearts and finds shame, pain, and guilt, he still accepts and loves you?

Do you think of God as near and loving? Why or why not? Could you begin to address him with the affectionate term Daddy?

The author of that encouraging psalm was King David, once a faithful shepherd boy and giant-slaying hero. He grew up to become a warrior, a murderer, an abuser of power, and an imperfect father. Yet the apostle Paul lauds David as a man after God’s heart (Acts 13:22). God doesn’t require perfection. He knows our faults and wants us to turn to him for our true identity as his children.

Jo mentioned that adoption in ancient Rome marked a permanent end to a person’s past: “You had a new APPLY WHAT YOU’VE LEARNED name, a new identity, and you forever belonged…an adopted kid could never be disowned.” Read: Read chapters 5–6 from Jo’s book The Dream of You. How does that help you trust God’s faithfulness to you as your Abba Father? Journal: Write out Psalm 139:13–16, asking God to imprint the truth of those words in your heart.

Speak: As Jo urges, memorize (or just read aloud) Psalm 139:13 “I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made.” Then stand before your mirror and reject the lies you’ve been told by others, replacing it with God’s truth. Say about yourself what God says about you.

SESSION THREE: YOU ARE FULLY KNOWN AND DEEPLY LOVED 9 THE DREAM

JO SAXTONSESSION FOUR:

SLAYPARTICIPANT’S YOUR GUIDEGIANTS

ICEBREAKERSLAY YOURThe GIANTS truth of scripture can be a comfort and reassurance in times of doubt. Jo encourages us to remember that we are “choosing to put our hands Everyone cheers for Cinderella. “Downtrodden girl in the hands of One who can slay our giants, who overcomes injustice and captures her prince’s heart in can move the things out of the way so that we can the end.” What other long shot stories can you think continue to walk in our God-given identity and our of? Why do we like to root for underdogs? God-given voice.”

What does it look like for you, in your challenging situation, to live day-to-day in God’s strength, not your own?

Discovering our identity as beloved children of God—who doesn’t expect perfection but accepts us weaknesses and all—can send us into our daily world with confidence and security. But the world does not always treat us well. We face challenges and injustice, trials and tests. How will we react? Sometimes trials cannot be blamed on a person, but WATCH SESSION FOUR: SLAY YOUR merely on circumstance. Leslie found herself facing GIANTS (18MINS) tragedy and an unexpected journey parenting her grandchildren. She could have reacted in bitterness and anger, but she was able to see God’s goodness. REVIEW Have circumstances ever made you think, “This is not what I signed up for”? What tragedy or trials has God “All the things we know to be true about our identity taken you through? will be tested, will be challenged,” Jo tells us. When Wendi pursued the opportunity to advance in her career, she did not expect the challenge from her coworker. It caused her to question herself and her calling.

Think of a time when you have doubted yourself. Did others cause you to think that way, or were you When have you given up on prayer because you didn’t unsure of yourself all along? get the answers you sought?

How have you responded to people or circumstances that seemed to throw up an obstacle to How do you find peace and fulfillment in the middle of your success? a spiritual wilderness?

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BIBLE EXPLORATIONSLAY YOURRead GIANTS Deuteronomy 8:2–3. God grew his people’s character as they wandered through the wilderness. How have you matured spiritually during your trials? David’s faceoff with Goliath is so famous that we find allusions to it in today’s common language: “Slay your giants,” or “What’s your Goliath?” David epitomizes the underdog we all love to cheer for. But some forget that he didn’t win in his own power.

Read 1 Samuel 17. A shepherd boy must face down his older brother, skirt around his king’s misplaced advice, and challenge the enemy’s champion in one- Jesus said that we live “on every word that comes on-one, winner-take-all battle. But he’s not fighting from the mouth of God” (Matthew 4:4). How can you for his own glory or advancement. improve your regular reading and study of the Bible?

What is David’s motivation for challenging Goliath? (See v.26b, 46b–47)

God wants us to know him, and trials have a way of softening our hearts toward him. We realize that we don’t have the strength or ability to work through Why did he choose a slingshot for a weapon? our challenge alone. He is our Father, who will sustain his beloved daughters through every trial. As Jo said, “Even though we’ll find ourselves not living the life we were prepared for, we’ll find a God whose hold on us stronger than our hold on Him, and a God who will never let us go.”

APPLY WHAT YOU’VE LEARNED How does his story encourage you in your own fight today? Read: Read chapters 5–6 from Jo’s book The Dream of You.

Journal: What fights do you face today? Name the giants in your life and write them down. Then thank God for the glimpses you’ve gained of his work in the middle of your struggle.

Craft: Find or buy small stones and a glass jar. Label Sometimes our battles cannot be fought directly, each stone with a memory of God’s faithfulness to with a definitive result that ends the conflict. Many you. Be specific! Add each to the jar with a prayer of of us walk daily through a “wilderness experience,” thanksgiving. just as Moses led a generation of Israelites through a literal wilderness. They learned that God was present, providing, and powerful despite, and in the midst of, their suffering.

SESSION FOUR: SLAY YOUR GIANTS 12 THE DREAM

JO SAXTONSESSION FIVE:

INPARTICIPANT’S THE VALLEY GUIDE

ICEBREAKERIN THE VALLEYSometimes we confuse faith with perfection. “I’m supposed to have it all together,” Lauren says after experiencing the death of her father. She thought she Describe your ideal girls’ night out or getaway with had to handle that pain perfectly. Such a view reminds your besties. What sort of activities would you us of the Pharisees, the “religious over-achievers” include in your plans? as Jo describes. They wanted so badly to get faith right, but their guilt-based rules only added to the people’s burdens.

Do you feel like others expect you to handle grief in a certain way? Have you felt pressured to skip through the valley quickly, or have your loved ones allowed Life is sweeter with friends who walk the road with you to grieve at your own pace? us. In times of grief and hardship, friends share the burden. Sometimes they just show up and sit with us, other times they pray for us, or maybe they can meet a tangible need. Without friends, grief and loss are much more difficult to bear.

WATCH SESSION FIVE: IN THE VALLEY (17MINS) How does it make you feel to hear that God doesn’t expect you to handle hardship perfectly but that he invites you simply to come to him? REVIEW

“I wonder what your valley looks like. None of us would ever choose it,” Jo says. “When we go through chapters of our life which are filled with sorrow, it’s important to know where God is in there, too.” Ronna’s loss caused dark moments of grief and lament. But Sometimes we hesitate to burden others with our she learned that God would not leave her alone there, problems. What is the value of inviting others to that his people would hold her close as she grieved. support you through hard times?

Have you ever felt empty, so burdened that you couldn’t even pray?

BIBLE EXPLORATION

How did you make your way out of the valley? What The Bible repeatedly shows us how God has planned helpers did God provide for you, and what did they do to renew and restore all the broken pieces of our to lift you up? world. We fragile humans are not capable of healing ourselves, of creating life from death. God gave the prophet Ezekiel a word picture for this truth—a vision illustrating God’s commitment to his plan and his people.

Read Ezekiel 37:1–14.

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Though Ezekiel prophesied judgement onIN Israel THE during VALLEYDescribe a time when you experienced the freedom, their exile, the Lord shows him a glimpse of hope in rest, and peace of God even in the valley. this vision. The people were broken and spiritually dead, but God reminded them that he is the life-giver.

Recall your own spiritual journey from death to life. When did you come to faith in Jesus and experience God’s Spirit dwelling with you?

God knows that life will bring challenges, opposition, deep griefs, and dark moments. He never meant for us to carry those burdens alone. He is present with us, loving us through his Spirit and the hands and feet of Do you relate to the valley of dry bones? In what ways those who love us. He is our source of life. Jo reminds do you need to experience hope and restoration? us, “Jesus is the one who makes all things new, and he wants to start with you and with me.”

APPLY WHAT YOU’VE LEARNED

Read: Read chapters 7–8 from Jo’s book The Dream of You. Read Matthew 11:28–29. Talk: Confide in a friend if you are dealing with a heavy Too often we attempt behavior management through heart. Allow others to come alongside and share rules meant to guide us toward holiness, but we end your pain. up living a guilt-based legalism. Jo paraphrases Jesus here: “He says, ‘Come to me with your broken identity Write: Memorize Matthew 11:28 by writing it out and and let me bring you life and rest and peace. Let me speaking it aloud multiple times. bring you a new day.’”

What’s the difference between managing behavior and resting in freedom from guilt?

Identify habits that encourage holiness but sometimes lead to legalism (the “oughts” and “shoulds” that Jo mentioned).

SESSION FIVE: IN THE VALLEY 15 THE DREAM

JO SAXTONSESSION SIX:

THE SONGPARTICIPANT’S IN YOUR GUIDE HEART

ICEBREAKERTHE SONG IN YOURDescribe your HEARTfaith community. It may be a small group, or a church, or even extended family. Think of ways in which this group has come alongside to Think back to the last wedding or baby shower you comfort or help a hurting friend. attended. Who attended? Friends, of course. Maybe sisters, mother, mother-in-law, aunts and cousins. When we become healthy in spirit and soul, we Describe the excitement and joy. naturally want others to experience that kind of wholeness. Jennifer’s life reflects a life of purpose But, along with the excitement, gathering a diverse forged from pain. She turned her struggle into an crowd like that may provoke some awkward moments outreach to others dealing with similar issues. Why? and expectations. What sort of dynamics did you Not because she felt obligated, but out of an overflow notice among those who came? of God’s love for her. We are all called to let the joy of the Lord spill out to others in our lives.

Have you ever worked for God (good deeds, giving, praying, going to church, etc.) because you felt you were supposed to pay him back? Our family influences the way we think about ourselves—for good or bad. In this study, Jo has reminded us over and over that our identity lies not in our past, our deeds, or our relationships—our identity derives solely from Christ. Knowing this truth, having it settled deep inside, will help us stand when life throws challenges at us. One of the amazing ways that God brings restoration and healing is through the community he puts around us. But to reap those benefits, we have to be willing to let others into our story.

WATCH SESSION SIX: THE SONG IN Describe some disciplines or patterns you’ve begun to YOUR HEART (15MINS) keep God central in your life.

Without the right mindset, our “holiness” becomes no REVIEW more than working for God’s blessing. But holy habits are meant to help us make room for God in our busy lives. As Jo said, they “don’t help us earn our way to Reflecting on Lindsay’s story, Jo says, “I think we Jesus because that’s already done and dealt with. sometimes underestimate the power of God’s people, We’re already loved.” the power of a God-given community.” God himself, as Father, Son and Spirit, is a relational being, and he created us to need others. As Lindsay showed us, BIBLE EXPLORATION vulnerability can lead to wholeness. It’s risky, which makes having a trustworthy community important. Naomi, once embittered because she believed the Do you identify with the way Lindsay turned to Lord had deserted her, now rejoices at the prospect someone for help? Can you describe a special person of a grandson through Ruth and Boaz, the kinsman- who walked with you in a valley? redeemer who lavishly invited the two destitute women into his care. Naomi realizes that the Lord had always been with them, setting up events to redeem her loss. The women of the town, surrounding her as a supportive community, celebrate with her and praise God on her behalf.

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Read Ruth 4:14–17. NoteTHE the sense SONG of joy exuding from IN YOURThanks to Jesus, HEART we no longer have to exist under the Naomi’s friends. Why are they celebrating for her? burden of performance, achievement, or appearance. Jo celebrates this when she says, “God is continually working in our world making all things new and as he renews our life, we continue to get involved in what He’s doing. The dream of you is yours. Enjoy it. Live into it, and share it with everybody around you.”

Recall Naomi’s words in Ruth 1:20. “Don’t call me APPLY WHAT YOU’VE LEARNED Naomi... Instead, call me Mara, for the Almighty has made life very bitter for me.” (NLT) Contrast her Read: Read chapters 11–13 from Jo’s book The demeanor there with the scene in Ruth 4. Dream of You.

With time and hardship, the joy and freedom of being Pray: Spend a few moments thinking of specific ways chosen by God can wear thin. But certain practices, Jo God has freed you from past burdens, fears, sins. If maintains, “make room for God to meet with us in our you don’t journal, start a one-week trial of writing everyday lives.” prayer requests, leaving room for future answers.

Read Matthew 7:7–8. Think about your prayer life. Are Worship: Organize a GNO (girls’ night out) with a you honest and vulnerable with God? If not, why not? group of friends “just because”—to celebrate the gift What keeps you from seeking him regularly? of friendship. Invite at least one person who may have lost touch or is new to your community, and consider including the Lord’s Supper to celebrate your unity in Christ.

Read 1 Corinthians 11:24–25. Have you considered that the Lord’s Supper calls us to actively remember Jesus’s sacrifice—and how it has changed us eternally? How can you enrich your communion experience?

Describe a time when you realized your spiritual disciplines had become legalistic obligations. How did you change your motivation from guilt-based to freedom-based?

SESSION SIX: THE SONG IN YOUR HEART 18