every nightfromApril7-10. every alcohol from the show, which runs bannedadministration hasthe as so, do to ability the have longer no will students however, year, throughout the show. Starting this imbibe AuditoriumandTishman into drinks bring could students as event, alcohol-laden an been nual music parody, has traditionally E Bottles andLoudPatrons Blamed forPolicy Change;Pre-Show Parties toOccur Before Every Show Breaking News: Alcohol Bannedat This Year’s Law Revue B B et enforce ment - govern on day, the of course the over panels three law.antitrust in developments country to discuss the around from together came practitioners and officials ment govern academics, Antitrust Antitrust. in Directions Critical symposium, annual its hosted Law American of Annual Survey first panel, on government en- government on panel, first at NYU,the program moderated Trade Regulation the of director ists andamoderator. four to five panel- panel consisted of Each forcement. en private and innovation, and antitrust ment, C Experts Experts Talk Antitrust at of American Annual Law Survey Symposium y i r t n o y r o t i d M L There were were There On Friday, Feb. 19, the NYU an Law’s NYU Revue, Law Professor Harry First, the the First, Harry Professor a r u a

Infra l e a h c i - The Foolsedition,April theRotatnemmoc. It’s fake; don’t sue us. goes onandmy arguingit, friends. Somepeoplestarted notknowing... This isthecontinuation oftheLawyering debate that never ends. And it Two columnsabout Wet vs. Dry. Trust us, it’s notwhat you thinkitis. b n i g n i t u C -C s n i l l o M f e i h W x i ’11 - - r e t i r ’10 - - Volume XLIII,Number11 from bottles rolling down the the down rolling bottles from mostly interruptions, by marred was show the 2008, in ago,years now.Twoyears few a for works a producer onthe show. possible”saidSvobodaKatie ’11, audiencehastodrink asloudly as Revue Law the like seems it and clinking, bottles aisle, the down a culture bottles,of bottles running mostly because there has been… pastthe inissues such of lot a had Weiser (DOJ), Howard Shelan- Howard (DOJ), Weiser Commission. and the Federal Communications Commission, Trade Federal the Justice, of Department the of Division Antitrust the from cials and former federal antitrust offi current five featured panel York. The New of State the of eral the Attorney Gen - the Office of the Antitrust of Bureau Chief of He the former is also forcement. Thisdecision has been in the has Revesz Richard] “[Dean he f the Three speakers,of Philip the commentator - Assistant DeanPascale Walker. consumption,”said its for create consciousthe publicof spaces we wealsobelieve thatweshould be life, student of part a is alcohol an- included measures policing would police the 2009 show. These LawRevuewhichmembersitsin with deal a made administration troducing the alcohol banin- then, of the Instead general. in crowds auditorium aisles and from rowdy Horizontal Merger Guidelines, Guidelines, Merger Horizontal the of revisions pending the ing discuss by panel the out filled DOJ, the of Division Antitrust ney General for Economics in the the considering of importance the about spoke Weiser tration. adminis- Obama the in serving currently all are they and years, school in 2009-10 and Law 2008-09 the of School NYU the at professors visiting were (FCC) Baker Jonathan and (FTC), ski

After the 2009 show, the the show, 2009 the After that recognize we “While h tdn esae f h e okUiest colo Law theNewYork Schoolof University The StudentNewspaperof Deputy Deputy Assistant Attor a former Lexicon), pass Com- and University (Princeton Willig ert Robacademia. and - tor work in the private sec enforcers who currently two former government enforcement. antitrust in agencies industry-specific role of and Baker the discussed FTC’s Section 5 powers, the the expanded use of on touched Shelanski enforcement, antitrust of design institutional ing the show. in the auditorium dur one girl even threw up noise,and of amount inordinateanwas still aisles,therethe down bottles of amount same the roll not did people though even before; same as problems the of most year’seventcontained last as ineffective, be to proved measures new these yell. However, to not and ful - respect be to people asking email SBA an aisles,trollingandthe the show, students pa- during nouncements Joining them were were them Joining pages 5-8 page 3 page 2 - - - - is allowed, there will not be any be not will there allowed, is alcohol no Whileyear. this place in ban the put had to but it choice no that felt administration the FTC’s Section 5powers. of uses proposed additional the on his thoughts and contributing together comments the drawing by panel this out filled FTC, the the Competition Bureau atof of (Simpson Thacher), former Head Arquit Kevin DOJ. the at time his during draft helped he which optional event wasopentoallmembersof the NYUcommunity. atrium ofBobstLibrary ontheundergrad black tie- campus.Theformal, Students dance thenightawayat Violet Ball, heldonFeb. 27inthe Pre-Show Parties tration, mainly forfamilies. Golding, hosted by the adminis- offices inthe journal party alumni. RevueLaw (ODAR),for mainly ing, hosted by the alumni services SBA the by hosted TBA, place 7:30, berg, hosted by student groups • Apr. 10, 6:30 - 7:45 in 7:45 - 6:30 10, Apr. • There also might be a BYOB • Apr. 9, 6:30 - 7:45 in Gold- to 6:00 probably 8, Apr. • • Apr. 7, 6:30 - 7:45 in Gold- excited too.” people get will that hopefully so that, with help to body student library,the gettingweareandthe raveina party of sort themis of we are creating for the show. One involved for one the of two videos we are getting a lot the of students boda said. “Also … on [March 25] with the … pre-show party,” Svo- that’s what we are trying and to sales], preventticket lower be won’t as inyears past attendancerobust same the with ever,as good as be willshowthe Revue still hopes and intends that forward to.” look caneveryone that night a is on the show … and we like that it Svoboda said. “We are” work they reallydrunk how hard everybody screaming the whole time showing be audiencetotheneednot does sidebar. accompanying the in found be canpre-parties of list campus.A sponsoredby different groups on be “pre-parties” before every show, place in the community, there will Revue’straditionalLaw of some show. In addition, the to helpbefore maintainpersons of searching See discussed the way antitrust law antitrust way the discussed She who panelists by four was joined innovation. and antitrust on panel NYU, second the at moderated Regulation Trade of Professor Derenberg J. Walter SYMPOSIUM “We really hope [that there there [that hope really “We Law changes, the Despite positivesthethat is of “One Professor Eleanor Fox, the the Fox, Eleanor Professor March 24,2010 page 4 Opinions Page 2 c March 24, 2010 Dry Versus Wet: Two Perspectives on the Law Revue Alcohol Ban

to get together in one great simultaneously recognize and that class you hate, all so you could student body group-hug demonstrate NYU’s excep- get together with your buddies and For all the more glorious and tional student culture. And have a good time. Br i a n Ki n d l e & appreciated (I’m looking if that sounds cheesy, so be People pay to come watch the Ma t t La f a r g u e ’10 at you, Fall Ball). Frankly, it. There are worse things show and have fun — they don’t pay Co n t r i b u t i n g Wr i t e r s a sense of community is than cheese. It’s delicious to hear your friend yell out some- necessary: you don’t go on sandwiches, and it builds thing that he thinks is funny because Answer quick: which would you through law school alone, strong bones. he’s been double-fisting MD 20/20 be more likely to attend, a college re- and it shouldn’t feel that All of this makes the for three hours. And remember all union or a law school one? Chances way. And of all the commu- decision to keep booze out those family members and admit- are, it’s the college reunion; nearly nity-building, group-huggy of this year’s shows in favor ted students who attend? For many three-quarters of respondents pick activities (full disclosure: I of pre-show receptions the of them, Law Revue is their only that one, which is a number that’s think group hugs are awe- right one. Law Revue is a firsthand glimpse at NYU Law … totally real and not based on my some), probably the best, major annual tradition that and in recent years they’ve left with imagination (it’s based on science). and certainly the strangest, draws in not just hundreds the impression that we’re a bunch Also, please answer faster next time. is Law Revue. of students but alumni, fac- of idiots. Getting a little buzzed and It says “quick” right there in the first This decades-old an- ulty, parents and prospective cheering on your friends: awesome sentence. nual musical spectacular applicants. Extending the and fun. Spilling Woodchuck Cider Point is, most graduates simply is the only place you’ll see festivities beyond the shows on my shoes while drunkenly howl- feel more connected to their col- all of NYU Law’s unique themselves gives all these ing at all times, and leaving a six-pack lege, and for good reason. Colleges identity on display, and on groups a place to interact, of empty bottles under your seat for are instant communities, with their stage. Where else will you and makes Law Revue much someone else to clean up: embarrass- own social rules, traditions, events find overly self-righteous more the community-wide ing and unnecessary. and weird idiosyncrasies. Going to PILCers, corporate law event it’s intended to be. I think we can all manage to college means plugging into an entire snobs and gunners lovingly Drinking at a pre-show drink appropriately, guys; we’re all freestanding culture, one shared by satirized by actual, real-life reception, rather than during adults here. Except child prodi- thousands of other students. If the overly self-righteous PIL- the show, is just a better kind gies who were admitted at age experience is good, grads walk away Cers, corporate law snobs, of drinking — surrounded by 16, of course. Child prodigies are with an indelible and lifelong sense and gunners? Where else friends and fellow students, exempt from any drinking regula- of belonging. can you witness a future Could the Law Revue ban on alcohol become a momen- enjoying one another’s com- tions. They’ll have to make their own Law school, by contrast, can too tax attorney belt out the tous day in NYU Law history? pany and laughing at each mistakes. often feel pretty disconnected, an chorus to “Livin’ On a other. It’s a big party vs. a Law Revue should be more endless and solitary struggle of man Prayer” like his life depended on it, people behind it are real talents, and solitary pursuit, and fostering that than just a bunch of really drunk vs. Bluebook, waged in dim subbase- only with all the lyrics changed to everything from the writing to the kind of social connection is the point people in a room together, partially ments or corners of the library. We legal puns? singing to the backing band is way of the show in the first place. ignoring an amazing display of music spend time by ourselves, or with our The answer is nowhere else, better and more polished than it has Besides, let’s face it, drinking at and dance put on by people who study group or section. We only oc- probably. And if there is somewhere any right to be. Law Revue was getting a little out really don’t have enough time to casionally think of ourselves as a part else, I don’t want to know about it. More importantly, though, Law of hand. In recent years the focus be mounting a full-scale theatrical of the student body of NYU Law. Because I don’t have to. Because I Revue is us: it’s our shared experi- had shifted way too far from watch- production. Law Revue is our annual Except, of course, when it comes to already have Law Revue. ence, our year-in-review, our small ing a great show and into the liver- reminder of why we’d rather attend impressing distant relations or girls at Law Revue is great- it’s a wildly frustrations and triumphs. Even demolishing, drunken-mess end of law school at NYU than anywhere bars back home. Try it, it works! entertaining, seriously hilarious, and better, it’s all of that set to a pumping the spectrum. And don’t forget else on the planet. Which makes those rare chances very legitimate production. The soundtrack of pop-music jams and about the people up on the stage – So leave the 40s at home this Beyonce-inspired choreography. they spent three months (and in the year, and come raise a glass or two Law Revue is that elusive cel- case of the writers, eight months) before the show instead. It’s some- ebration of NYU Law as the real working on the show, ignoring their thing you’ll want to remember in thecommentator community that it is, a chance to casebooks and helping the curve in the morning. The Student Newspaper of the New York University School of Law Editor-in-Chief was partially due to horrible up even skipping Law Revue Michael Mix ’11 Against microphones, but the brunt of altogether. By El y s e Fe u e r ’11 the noise came from students So how then do we keep Managing Editor St a ff Ed i t o r talking (at normal speaking the noise down while still main- Joseph Jerome ’11 volumes!) and from students taining the fun atmosphere and Staff Editors Upon hearing about the knocking over the empty beer feeling of a cohesive commu- Stavan Desai ’11 NYU Law administration’s bottles by their feet, which then nity? We split the baby! Why not Elyse Feuer ’11 decision to ban alcohol at Law bump around or shatter. Law ban outside alcohol (or anything in a glass bottle) and sell beer/ Terra Judge ’12 Revue, many students, like my- Revue had ushers, who tried self, are annoyed with the new to collect bottles to prevent wine at cost at the event to be Staff Writers policy and feel that it takes away this, but it’s inconvenient to served in those neat little plastic what some would regard as an pass empty bottles all the way cups? Students could similarly Erika Anderson ’11 Ryan Kairalla ’12 integral component of the Law down your row; therefore, this receive a bracelet that gets them Ashok Ayyar ’11 Andrew Kloster ’10 Revue experience. solution failed. I truly empa- a set number of drinks. This Farrell Brody ’12 Gavin Kovite ’10 While I wholeheartedly thize with those involved in solution would rid the theater Brian Byrne LL.M. ’10 Douglas Martin ’11 agree that noise and excessive Law Revue as they put so much of glass bottles, which are a Dennis Chanay ’11 Marija Pecar LL.M ’10 drinking cause substantial prob- into the show to make it funny huge source of noise during

Erica Iverson ’11 Molly Wallace ’10 lems at the event, I believe there and creative and yet students Law Revue, and would provide is a solution that addresses these blatantly disrespect those on the administration with some Crossword Editor Web Editor problems while maintaining an stage throughout nearly the modicum of control over the Chris Robertson ’11 Jason Law ’11 environment where people can entire show. volume of alcohol that is con- relax and enjoy a fun show that NYU’s solution to this sumed on the premises. Of pokes fun at the law school and problem is to ban alcohol course, many will still show up The Commentator serves as a forum for news, opinions and ideas of members its students. outright, but this will not keep drunk or will bring in flasks and of the Law School community. The Editorial Board consists of the Editor- The new alcohol policy, students from bringing alcohol there is no way to control this; in-Chief and the Managing Editor. Only editorials and policies developed which prohibits students from into the event as the new proce- however, the proposed policy by the Editorial Board reflect the opinion of the Editorial Board. All other bringing in alcohol, was created dures will not include searching would substantially cut down opinions expressed are those of the author and not necessarily those of by the administration mainly to students for alcohol. One posi- on the amount of noise in the The Commentator. The Commentator is issued on alternate Wednesdays during address the problem of audi- tive aspect of the new policy theater. the academic year except during vacations and examination periods. Ad- ence noise at Law Revue perfor- is that student groups will be Only students can control vertising rates are available on request. Subscriptions are also available at a mances. I understand this frus- hosting pre-parties for students THE VOLUME OF THEIR rate of $15 per year. Letters to the Editor should be sent to the following tration with students’ extreme to drink at. While I think this VOICE! So, it’s up to all of you address, either on paper or via e-mail. All submissions become property of lack of respect for those who is an excellent idea and it does to get up and leave the theater The Commentator. have given up much of their foster the same sense of com- if you must talk instead of do- 240 Mercer Street free time to write for the show, munity as Law Revue, I do not ing so during the performance. New York, NY 10012 memorize lines and practice think it is an adequate substi- NYU, I hope you reconsider 212.998.6080 (phone) choreography and songs. tute for allowing alcohol at the your policy; we sure love wak- [email protected] Last year I couldn’t even event. Students will likely binge ing up with those headaches the hear half the words of the drink at the pre-parties (ah, day after a night of drinking All submissions become property of The Commentator. songs in the show. This problem the noise is back!) or may end NYU’s wine. Opinions & Letters March 24, 2010 c Page 3 Getting No-Offered is like Breaking Up with your Girlfriend By Da v i d Go o d w i n ’10 interview dredges it back up again. eHarmony or match.com, you have unlucky they will blame you for the out of the game yet. We charge for- Co n t r i b u t i n g Wr i t e r Getting no-offered, you see, is PSLawNet and CSM, where your functional equivalent of leaving the ward, alternating between the grim a lot like getting dumped, with the eye color is slightly less important toilet seat up—building a castle out and the hopeful, sending out résumé By my informal count, I got the following assumptions stipulated for than your journal affiliation. And, of firm mugs, for example (I did after résumé with our summer fling bad news about seven months ago ease of hyperbolic parallelism: your of course, nobody’s impressed that this, and only the fact that my of- listed, patiently explaining in each today. It was delivered by phone, dating pool is composed exclusively you are a lawyer. ficemate and partner in crime got an interview—this time with the gov- thankfully—a rare courtesy in this of extraordinarily rich people who And in this economic climate, offer keeps me from believing that ernment, that time with a boutique age of instant messaging. We ex- are governed by a committee of professional closure is about as this was the source of my ejection). patent firm—that, hey, sometimes changed the usual pleasantries, me powerful (mostly) men, you are fine elusive as romantic closure. OCS, More to the point, it seems as if the things just don’t work out. After all: on pins and needles, and then it with the idea of your friends openly well meaning as they are, will tell remaining dating pool did not get somewhere out there is Mr. Right came: “look, you’re not a bad guy, pursuing your former partners, and you that it wasn’t you that screwed the memo of nonjudgment; one Place of Employment, and one of but we’re just not connecting, and I you are nonplussed to discover that up, it was the economy—everyone walk of shame around a career fair these days we’re bound to meet, think we should see other people. news of your rejection has spread will understand, really, and nobody will make that reality perfectly clear, embark on a torrid romance, and pay Besides, you’d probably be happier like wildfire among your paramour’s will hold it against you, and you re- as recruiters who for years pursued off some student loans together. So with other options.” I had a fair idea chatty, identikit friends. There’s the ally ARE a good and well-meaning your favor instead shake their heads check back in a year’s time (a span of who these “other people” were, same feeling of rejection, the same person that some employer will sadly, whispering to each other presented by experts as required to but I kept my cool; as goodbyes go, it poring over of your behavior— treasure someday—but fat chance about transgressions both real and get over a failed professional rela- wasn’t very tearful. And, six months and, yes, occasional sniffles when getting that message loud and clear imagined. tionship) and see how we are. Who later, I would like to think I’m over your firm’s name shows up on from your ex-firm. If you’re lucky, But yet we cope. The no- knows; we might have employment, the experience, except that every single AbovetheLaw—but instead of they will cite poverty, and if you’re offered 3Ls are humbled, but are not with benefits! There’s Plenty to Change About the Law School Job Search After EIW By Er i k a An d e r s o n ’11 questions to ask. I got two call back people and I am far from the only networking events. I am so type-A was selected for two interviews, St a f f Wr i t e r interviews, but no offers. person without a job. They have been as to keep a spreadsheet listing the and again did not receive an offer I have been told over and over admirably patient with me, helping dates of applications, and after each from either. Other than this, there At the end of 1L year, we’re again that the market is terrible, that me edit and improve my resume and one I diligently send follow-up emails is nothing but waiting for some- told about Early Interview Week this is the worst time to be looking my cover letter template, practice my or make follow-up calls on almost one to post a listing, and sending — about the fact that such and for a job, that in any other year I interview skills etc. But they certainly every one. In fact, there are some out blanket cold applications. such number of students each would’ve gotten a firm job easily. did not expect so many people to firms and some opportunities that The market is terrible, this year get their jobs through in- This may all be true or it may not. It’s come out of EIW without jobs any have come up on OCS more than much is true. Whether or not this terviews at EIW, about who will beside the point regardless. more than I personally expected it to once, and I have applied to these is actually the reason I have not be coming and how to interview, My point is simply that in Oc- happen to me. They suggested that opportunities each time they come found a job, I can’t be sure. But even minutiae about the firms’ tober, after I had finally gotten my I keep on top of the job-listings on up, each time updating my (by now I do know that our collective ex- hiring practices with respect to last rejection letter from EIW and OCS, that I try to get in touch with thoroughly depressing) spreadsheet. perience with the market this year applicant GPA. What they don’t from my last callback interview, I alumni at places I might like to work, I have managed to snag only a hand- should teach us that there must tell you is that if you don’t get a had no idea what to do. EIW may and that I apply widely and not rule ful of interviews this way, and no be a better way. There should job through EIW, your ability to be a great system for what it does, anything out. offers. In fact, it is difficult to even be a plan B. It is (reasonably) get a job through other means is and for those who got jobs out of Since EIW I have tried to fol- snag responses, positive or negative. easy to get access to lists of big going to be seriously limited. it, but should you not be able to find low this advice. I will not say that Mostly, I am simply ignored. firms, government agencies and My personal experience at a job through that route, there is no I have followed it to a tee, because The problem, in my view is that PILC jobs that have hired NYU EIW was, I think, not atypical. system in place, no real guidance on one must make allowances for taking for those of us interested in private students in the past, and to find Without going into embarrassing how to look elsewhere. breaks from the job hunt to study practice, there is no way to HAVE out what their hiring practices detail about my grades, I am a I didn’t go into EIW expecting and attempt to improve one’s class a plan B. There is the PILC Fair of are and how they prefer for you middle-of-the-pack student with to not get a job, and perhaps this was standing, but I have sincerely tried. I course, and I do not at all intend to apply — who to contact, what reasonable social skills and what stupid and short-sighted of me, but have haunted the job listings on OCS to minimize its importance, but if to say, etc. But these are not the I have been told is an impressive I had no plan B. I had no idea what almost daily. I have sent out some you’re interested in private practice, only opportunities out there, and resume. I went into EIW with a to do. Unfortunately, OCS seems to 30 applications — to law firms, to the opportunities there are of limited waiting for the “other” category full schedule of 17 interviews. I be caught just as flat-footed as I am. I corporations, to government agen- and secondary interest. For what it’s job postings to show up on OCS did my research — I looked up do not mean to slight career services. cies (state, city and federal) and to worth, I was neither so stupid nor so can’t be the most efficient way my firms and my interviewers It is perhaps not always easy to get judges. Though I find them excruci- short-sighted (this time) as to ignore to get access to them. It simply and developed things to say and an appointment, but they are busy ating I have made an effort to attend its utility. I applied to three places, can’t. Lawyering Should Stress Learning! Leave Thursday Alone! To t h e Ed i t o r : follows my performance. Perhaps an authentic negotiation style, for To Th e Ed i t o r : having to pay money to rent the at worst I even internalize this instance. What it does is sends the space itself. I am writing in response to assessment, since there is no ex- signal to the students that the Pro- I am writing in regard to an Thursday night parties aren’t Josh Levy’s Feb. 17 letter to the perience number two where I can gram isn’t really taking the concept article in the March 3 issue, where held at bars only because we’re all a editor. I agree with Mr. Levy that improve my skills. What students of learning to negotiate seriously, Joseph Jerome expressed his dis- bunch of drunks. They’re held there the current state of the Lawyering take away from these experiences and neither should they. pleasure with our SBA’s weekly because a bar is a convenient venue program is broken, and that NYU is not “learning through doing,” That the whole thing is un- Thursday night parties. He “refuses ready-made to handle a large group has a responsibility to its students but analysis and advice that they graded really adds insult to the to believe encouraging Thursday of people without having to pay for to stress legal writing skills as won’t have a chance to apply until experience. Given that currently night drinking is the only way to the space itself. Plus, in my view, the strongly as our peer institutions. much later in their careers. How is you only have once chance to get encourage a social life at the univer- idea is to encourage people to leave However, I disagree with Mr. Levy’s that helpful? something right that you possibly sity,” and makes his case for replac- the law school and take the night off assessment about how the program To learn through doing one have no former experience doing, ing some of our bar nights with ice — not to go down the hall for half needs to change. must have the opportunity to act, it makes sense. But if the Program cream and coffee nights instead. an hour before heading back to the Let me quickly say that my again and again. Not just once. is really going to teach us “Lawyer- Let us set aside the fact that library. The idea is not just to social- Lawyering professor was an excel- My second complaint centers ing skills” — and allow us time to Thursday night parties are actu- ize with each other, although obvi- lent teacher who became an impor- on the lack of preparation students hone them — it should reward us ally NOT the only thing the SBA ously that is encouraged, but to go tant mentor and friend during my have going into these exercises. I for our effort. It should give us spends our budget on — off the out to places where there are people 1L year. I am a better writer and disagree with Mr. Levy that “psy- some motivation to really nail the top of my head they pay for our who are not in law school at all. To try student because of her. chology and dynamics of group concept. It should give us a real free breakfasts during finals, which to socialize with people whose lives My greatest complaint about interaction” should not be integral reason to believe that Lawyering I’m sure is no small expenditure. are not wrapped up in this rat race the Lawyering Program’s “practi- parts of a legal education. But we is as important as everything else Jerome isn’t making a totally unfair and gain a bit of perspective. An ice cal” experiences is that there is no need more than a slide show, some we’re doing. point. Booze certainly isn’t the only cream party in Golding doesn’t have opportunity for students to learn inaccurate Hollywood movie clips The administration’s response way to have fun. those benefits. from their mistakes. The chief and a wimpy group discussion. If to the questionable value of the I wonder, though, how much Finally, I fail to see the differ- tenet of the Lawyering philoso- we are going to negotiate, why not Lawyering Program should not be thought he put into his proposal. ence between “funneling” business phy is that students learn through read Getting to Yes, or any of the to cut the non-traditional elements. Exactly what ice cream shop does into Village bars and “funneling” doing, but this is a theory that the other excellent literature on the It should be to beef them up. Let us he know about that I don’t that has it into local ice cream and coffee program never fully commits to. topic from the Harvard Negotia- negotiate more than once (perhaps enough space for all comers? What shops. Not everyone drinks alcohol, Each student tries each activity tion Project? The Program seems on smaller deals). Let us mediate coffee shop? I don’t know about but neither does everyone drink cof- once. So if I ace my mediation’s afraid to tell us how to think, for more than once. Let us argue more you all, but I spend more than fee in the evening or eat dairy (for opening statement and completely fear that we won’t develop our than one appellate brief. Let us be enough time in these hallowed halls, instance, I do neither). Either way botch my negotiation, I learn that own style through their “hands informed by the top thinkers on and I have no desire to relax here the money is being spent and some I’m good at memorization and bad on” experience. Sending under- these activities in depth. And for on Thursday nights. But other than people will want to take advantage on my feet. I learn this through the prepared students into a one-shot goodness sake let us be graded. here in one of our student lounges, and others won’t. self reflection, professor evalu- experience, however, is not going I’m not aware of any space such a ation and peer discussion that to facilitate the development of Em i l y Ry a n As c o l e s e ’11 party could be held without also Er i k a An d e r s o n ’11 News & Arts Page 4 c March 24, 2010 New Rehnquist Biography Looks at the Man, Not Just the Policy

Fa r r e l l Br o d y ’12 and their shared activities. The monished Obermayer, for using from a unique but superficial background that well prepared St a f f Wr i t e r writing is not artful, exhibiting new tennis balls unnecessarily. perspective. The central role of him for his principal role in little flourish, but it is easily read Most strikingly, Obermayer the Chief Justice in Bush v. Gore the impeachment of President If the best measure of a and often offers surprisingly explains that Rehnquist allowed is discussed, as well as the Mr. Clinton and led to his generally person is the quality of their intimate insights. a vestigial Jewish-exclusionary Obermayer’s highly sought after well-regarded performance in friendships, then we clause to be left invitation to witness the pro- that role. can conclude with in the deed of his ceedings in person. However, Sprinkled throughout the certainty that, ir- long-time Vermont there is little to be gleaned about book are further personal in- respective of all his va c a t i o n h o m e the Justice’s thought process or sights into the career and intel- other famed accom- rather than, in personal opinions on the issues lectual development of Chief plishments, Chief Rehnquist’s opin- decided or the election itself. Justice Rehnquist. The effect Justice William Reh- ion, waste money The discussion of Justice of the Justice’s homogenous nquist was a person on having a law- Rehnquist’s role as the Pre- upbringing and military service of the highest cali- yer rewrite and file siding Officer in the Senate on his ideological develop- ber based on at least a new deed. The during President Bill Clinton’s ment assists in explaining his one friend’s admi- author, Obermay- impeachment proceedings is conservative ideological views. ration and loyalty. er, himself Jew- explored in a more profound The matter in which the Chief Rehnquist: A Personal ish, devotes cer- matter. Most interesting is the Justice reached his lofty perch is Portrait of the Distin- tain effort in the background information con- explained with clarity. Also well guished Chief Justice discussed is the Chief Justice’s book to debunk cerning Justice Rehnquist’s role of the United State is as a lead prosecutor in a 1964 appreciation of history and his all accusations of a book that exudes impeachment proceeding in the second career as an active author Rehnquist’s anti- respect and fierce Arizona Senate, as well as the of compelling history books. At fidelity, written by Semitism. research he prepared for a book times uneven and even self-ab- a close friend in In a different s o r b e d , order to share the vein, the book Ober- details and shared dedicates count- m a y e r ’s experiences of their less pages to dis- b r e e z y friendship. Herman cussing Justice m e m o i r J. Obermayer writes Rehnquist’s great still of- the concise memoir love of putting f e r s a with an eye toward his money on u n i q u e allowing future gen- the line in wa- e n o u g h erations a glimpse gers. According perspec- behind the robes to the book, the t i ve o n and into the per- Chief Justice the inner sonality of a public figure well The book is rife with rich fashioned himself a bettor, life of known for his central role in details of the personal quirks not a gambler. The sums in the long- history, but little known outside and traits of Justice Rehnquist hand appear to always have s e r v i n g his official capacity. that might not be available oth- been single dollar amounts Chief Readers seeking scholarly erwise. In the trivial vein, it de- and often pertained to betting J u s t i c e examination of the former scribes his surprising affinity for on well-publicized political Rehn- Chief Justice’s ideology or attending ribald movie comedies races. However, there appears quist that thought process would be bet- in his later years, rather than to have been a myriad of bets it certain- ter served in seeking out the cinematic fare more typical for he pursued on a regular basis ly merits myriad of other sources which his age and position. From his and fastidiously tracked. One the at- cover Justice Rehnquist’s tenure well publicized appreciation for of those was a complex bet t e n t i o n on the Supreme Court in much Old School to Dodgeball and Star- on the disputed 2000 presi- of schol- greater depth. Rehnquist: A sky & Hutch, Justice Rehnquist dential election in Florida, a r s a n d Personal Portrait is exactly what seems to be expressed a streak which would later be decided students its title suggests and what its of populism in his cinematic by the Supreme Court. This who seek author intends to provide. It tastes perhaps not evident in his bet was later canceled as it be- a m o r e is written by a journalist con- Supreme Court decisions. In a came apparent that the Supreme called Great Inquests he wrote complete picture of Justice fidant, Herman J. Obermayer, more serious fashion, the mem- Court would be involved in the detailing the impeachment trials Rehnquist’s out-of-court life. whom became very close to oir explores Justice Rehnquist’s final decision. of Supreme Court Justice Sam- Chief Justice Rehnquist over legendary frugality. According Justice Rehnquist is perhaps uel Chase in 1805 and President the course of the last 20 years the book, Justice Rehnquist most well known for this deci- Andrew Johnson in 1868. The Rehnquist: A Personal Portrai of Rehnquist’s life. The book always ordered domestic beer sive role in the 2000 election, as chapter of Rehnquist: A Personal tof The Distinguished Chief is constructed in a non-linear to avoid premium markups on well as his role in the impeach- Portrait entitled Impeachment is Justice Of the United States fashion, featuring disparate imported beers, chose to dine ment of President Bill Clinton. quite informative. It presents Herman J. Obermayer anecdotes describing the Chief in Arlington, Virginia for its The book considers and ex- a compelling case that Chief Threshold Editions 2009 Justice through his friend’s eyes lower restaurant tax, and ad- plores these historical decisions Justice Rehnquist had a singular 304 pages SYMPOSIUM: Academics Debate Policy, Innovation, Class Actions in Antitrust Law Continued from Page 1 competitive issues related to suits, including a heated licensing. Janusz Ordover (NYU) debate between Jonathan Walter J. Derenberg Pro- discussed the competitive impli- Jacobson (Wilson Sonsini fessor of Trade Regulation cations of free and open source Goodrich & Rosati), who at NYU, moderated the material that is adopted and used defends against many class second panel on antitrust by firms in competitive markets. actions, and J. Douglas and innovation. She was Finally, Dale Collins (Shearman Richards (Cohen Milstein joined by four panelists & Sterling) filled in for Bob Sellers & Toll), who focus- who discussed the way an- Pitofsky (Arnold and Porter) to es more on plaintiff work. titrust law should consider discuss the impact innovation Daniel Rubinfeld (Berke- and encourage innovation. should have during the merger ley), who visits NYU Law Herb Hovenkamp (Uni- review process. each fall, contributed his versity of Iowa College of Ilene Knable Gotts, an anti- thoughts on the econom- Law) discussed his paper trust partner at Wachtell Lipton ics behind class and sub- on the competitive harms Rosen & Katz, and the current class certification. Stacey that can arise out of post- Chair of the ABA Antitrust Anne Mahoney finished sale restraints on patented Section, moderated the third the day by discussing class or copyrighted goods. and final panel on private en- actions that follow a find- Marius Schwartz (George- forcement. This panel primarily ing of criminal antitrust town University) discussed focused on the class action law- liability. the RotatnemmocThis is not the real issue. Please don’t sue us. Volume 3.14, Number 4 8 15 16 23 42 April Fools, 2010 NYU Cancels 3L Year, Keeps Tuition Money; Dean Blames Economy By St o b a m a ’11 unfair to our students to alter their 3Ls to find jobs, but after this, NYU val 3L in a very public, very humiliat- story and to the new paintjob. expectations any further,” said an Law can proudly exclaim that ‘There ing, match of Wii Tennis. It has been The final conclusion of this sto- The academic and legal commu- anonymous administration official is no 3L attending our institution rumored that the Dean hasn’t been ry will unfold in the coming weeks. nity was astounded this week when (::cough::Barry Friedman::cough::). who does not have a job.’” Sensing able to put this behind him, and that While some look to the ABA for NYU Law formally announced that Rumors had been circulating that, that the administration’s reason- his marriage to long-time Wii tennis help, meetings between Dean Revesz, they would be cancelling the current because these now Quasi-JDs could ing was somewhat unsatisfying, fanatic Prof. Vicki Been has suffered the ABA president, Rupert Murdoch 3L year. Reactions to the controver- potentially get jobs earlier than previ- Dean Revesz went as a consequence. and Steve Jobs at remote locations sial move have been mixed. Some ously expected, that they may in fact further to try and A Quasi-JD, who throughout the city indicate some hail the decision as a progressive owe NYU additional compensa- comfort his former shed some light on sort of arrangement has already been leap forward in legal education by tion. However, such a course was students. “NYU this story, wishes to made. There have also been talks of eliminating a boring and utterly use- abandoned after it was discovered Law has always remain anonymous, protests and rioting. Dean Revesz less year of law school. Criticism, that such a move would be exten- prided itself on fearful of the Dean’s has acted swiftly, however, banning however, has been rampant. Some sively covered in all CLS promotional keeping up with ex-special forces, all Quasi-JDs from NYU Property, say that this break for legal tradition materials. its peer schools. now mercenaries for which basically precludes them from will only lead to disaster. “There’s We tried to get a comment Yale, Harvard, and hire body guards that setting foot on the southern half absolutely no precedent for this!,” from newly no-longer-visiting, but Stanford have al- were most visible on of Manhattan. Furthermore, in exclaimed a furious Justice Scalia. staying-and-visiting-other-schools ready gone to a the night of the Wii exchange for an endorsement of Others have called this move a clever Professor Richard Epstein, but due limited grading Tennis upset, now the struggling, upstart, Bloomberg means of detracting attention from to his intensely fast-paced speech system, but they being labeled the Law Research Service, the Mayor has the contentious Health Care Debate. and 12 different topic changes, the still have Pass/Fail. “West Fourth Street agreed to place police all around the Glenn Beck, with his insightful and only intelligible quote we were able to Now, NYU will (Boston) Wii Party.” Greenwich Village area, restricting astute commentary, simply remarked, obtain was “and that’s why the Court leap to the front This former student resident’s and student’s freedom of “buy more gold.” got it wrong.” of the pack. We re- confirms the above, movement, reminiscent of the day According to Super-Chef We were, however, able to catch ally won’t have any having overheard President Barack Obama decided to Emeril Lagasse,™ the controversy Dean Revesz in between hair-salon grades.” However, a conversation be- have lunch at Baluchi’s on Third St. was “taken up a notch™” when appointments and he shed some unofficially, there is tween Dean Revesz In fact, I’ve been warned that security NYU announced that it planned on light on the new “strategy,” which growing talk that and Professor Arthur personnel are currently in the Mercer keeping all the tuition. “BAM!™, he strongly supports. It appears the Dean Revesz’s Miller, who’s fear- lobby, trying to gain access to The didn’t see that one coming did you?” main motivation for eliminating the championing of some and cold nature Commentator office and prevent this The administration reasoned that all 3L year was the weak economy and this cause is in fact can be seen first hand story from being published. Luckily, the current 3Ls (now deemed Quasi- jobs market. Law schools are judged a personal and vengeful response to in the book 1L. Apparently Revesz they aren’t residents and aren’t on in-rem-JDs), planned on paying the largely by 3L employment, especially the events that transpired on Feb. took the song, “What Would Arthur the list, and so the lobby personnel tuition money anyway. “After an a school like NYU. 18, 2010. On that fateful day, Dean Miller Do?” to heart, as Professor are refusing to let them in without already abrupt change, it would be “It has been very hard for many Revesz was utterly annihilated by a ri- Miller has been linked both to this an escort. “The Situation” to Teach at NYU Law; Causes ABScademic Freedom Controversy

By Ja c q u e s St r a p Dean Richard Revesz in a press uncoordinated NYU Law students The Situation’s display and quickly I was focused on his excellent release. “His Boardwalk Law schol- couldn’t fist pump properly, causing formed their own support group, scholarship.” Ever since the controversy arship is top-notch in the field, and myriad injuries. ABSalsa. After this town-hall meeting surrounding the appointment of I am even thinking of making it a “You can hate on me all you “I go to law school and proved unsatisfactory for many stu- Dr. Li-Ann Thio this past summer, required first-year course. Screw want, but what can you say to study for at least six hours a day,” dents and a petition started circulat- NYU Law has been one professor Civil Procedure.” someone who looks like Rambo, complained Joe No-Pack ’10, the ing calling for The Situation’s head short of its optimal number this President of the group. (or abs), Vice Dean Barry Friedman year. After not picking anyone to “How am I supposed proposed holding a Forum on the replace Thio during the fall semes- to look as good as Pro- issue, with a robust debate entitled ter, the law school has now hired fessor The Situation? I “Stomach Equality or ABScademic a replacement professor, who is can only go to the gym Freedom?” To promote the event, causing some controversy of his for an hour a day tops, the Vice Dean sent approximately own. The new professor is Michael but he goes for an hour 47 emails over a two-day period, “The Situation” Sorrentino, who and a half! What am I many of them omitting all forms gained fame on MTV’s Jersey Shore supposed to do? Plus of punctuation, including spaces as a sausage-cooking, tanning-salon he looks so fresh, and I between words. frequenting idiot who was known don’t even have time to During the debate, Assistant for his legendary six-pack abs. Now shower, let alone go to Dean PILC Vangelis argued for it seems that The Situation has the Laundromat every Stomach Equality, saying that found a new calling as a law profes- day!” NYU School of Law should not sor specializing in the burgeoning Enough students hire professors who “have abs field of Boardwalk Law. complained, and Dean that would be completely impos- So far, Professor The Situation Revesz was forced sible for members of our com- has published numerous articles in to call an emergency munity to obtain.” On the other many respected law journals. For town-hall meeting in side, Professor The Situation, example, he recently published an which he was pep- argued vociferously for ABSca- article in the Harvard Law Review en- pered with questions demic freedom, saying that it is a titled “The Robbery: Implied Con- from students with better world where six-packs and tracts and the Parole Evidence Rule merely four-pack abs, beer guts alike can learn together, as Applied to Stealing your Girl in However, Professor The Situa- pretty much, with his shirt off?” or even worse, two packs. instead of having both sides wear Club Karma.” His recent Yale Law tion’s time at NYU has also caused The Situation said. “Everybody “We still do not have a shirts. Journal article is called “Is ‘Snookie’ enormous controversy because loves me. Babies, dogs, hot girls, ‘Google policy’ in place for Ultimately, the debate proved Intellectual Property?: Trademark of the other situation – his abs. cougars, Antonin Scalia, Ruth Bader potential professorial hires,” to be a draw, and there was no Law and Awesome Self-Imposed During his 110-person class on Ginsburg, Alan Dershowitz. I just Revesz said at the meeting. resolution. As of now, Professor Nicknames.” He also is working on Introduction to Boardwalk Law, he have unbelievable mass appeal.” “How was I supposed to know The Situation still roams the halls a book entitled GTL: Strict Liability frequently showed up to class shirt- Many students were offended by about his ripped abs? Instead of Vanderbilt, mostly shirtless. for Ineffective Tanning Salons which is to less. On those rare occasions where - Budgetary Cutbacks Force Name Change to Bronzeling be published sometime next year by he did don a shirt, he frequently Cambridge University Press. pulled it up to his chest so that no - EIW Renamed ERW: Early Rejection Week “Clearly Professor The Situ- one would forget how ripped his - Scalia Uses Dictionary to look up “Blowhard;” Sees Picture of Himself ation is at the top of his field and abs are. During one memorable - NYU Bans Gchat, Number of CLS Transfer Applications Skyrocket we welcome him to the NYU Law class, Guest Lecturer DJ Pauly D - Temperature Drops to 45 Degrees, NYU Declares Snow Day community with open arms,” said was manning the ones and twos, but

Uncovered - SBA and Commentator Compromise: Thursdays at Basking Robbins, Flasks Optional! News and Whatnot Page 6 r April Fools, 2010 Supreme Court Cites Law Revue; Review Fumes Exams Fashionably Late By ¿Th e Qu e s t i o n ? the Wii. ... That’s what she said!” vide context for the song. While he cackled. certainly impressive, the opinion By Bu c k Na k e d one suspects it’s orange juice laced The journal basement was Alas, the party disintegrated still pales in comparison to one by with acid.” Prof. Rascoff is also all a dither last week as news cir- in the early hours of the morn- 9th Circuit Judge Alex Kozinksi, It isn’t very often that law looking forward to some of the culated that the Supreme Court ing, when the opinion was leaked which chronicled in excruciating professors advocate postpon- new eyewear that will be on display. would be handing down an opin- to LexLaw, a burgeoning website detail the metamorphosis and ing the final exam period. That “Gone are the days when all you ion containing a citation of an billing itself as the “Kryptonite of meaning of the SNL digital short Samuel Rascoff has made such needed to look cool was a blazer, article published in none other Lexis and WestLaw.” Law Review “Dick in a Box.” a proposal is, therefore, notable a T-shirt, and green sneakers,” he than NYU’s very own Law Re- members and various groupies When asked whether his in and of itself. However, what chortled. These days, you really view. Over-worked 2Ls and 3Ls stared at the PDF in horror after views on participation in extra- makes the suggestion truly re- need some sweet rims. Take these,” finally put down their red pens failing to detect a single citation curricular activities had changed markable is Professor Rascoff’s he said, handing me the pair off his and picked up their drinks for an to their beloved journal. Suddenly, in light of the Law Revue/iew motive – he wants to push spring face. “A bit dated, nothing like what impromptu all-night celebration a cry of anguish rang out as the situation, soon-to-be-former Vice finals back so that students at the you’ll see in May, but pretty cool and countdown in the depths of Senior Articles Editor spotted the Dean Barry Friedman had only law school can enjoy New York nonetheless. I don’t even need them, D’Agostino Hall. mystery cite. “There.” She raised a this to say: “No; luck happens, City’s Fashion Week, which is my vision is pretty effing amazing, “This is definitely big news,” shaky index finger, head shaking. even to the worst of us. Now currently scheduled for the first but they add that necessary element. gushed the Editor-in-Chief of the “It... it can’t be!” stop writing this article and go to week in May. This is the sort I doubt they’d even let me off the L 2009-2010 book, just hours before Sure enough, she had found the library.” of conceit, many say, that is in Williamsburg without them.” the much anticipated opinion’s re- the long awaited passage in the The Law Revue producers, facially plausible and yet utterly The reaction from the students lease. “Rumor has it that it’s going text of a rare Scalia decision writers, cast, and crew, on the ridiculous. has been mixed, although the major- to be one of the recent Articles, supporting gay rights. The opin- other hand, were delighted. “As Prof. Rascoff, himself a ity seems to be in favor of having which is even more exciting for ion, which had somehow flown we made quite clear in our show rather dapper fellow, came up the extra time to study. Stavan Desai the current staff,” she said as she below the radar of every activ- last year, Barry can suck it,” said with the idea when he noticed ’11 probably put this sentiment best. took a shot of “Journal Juice” and ist in the world, had this to say one member. “This just goes to how fashion-conscious the stu- “I’m in favor of having the extra returned to the triumphant Law about the controversial “Don’t show that spending a ridiculous dent body has become. “I don’t time to study,” he told me. Review office. Ask, Don’t Tell” policy: “In the amount of time rehearsing and think it’s unreasonable to say Since studying seems to be the Other journals’ members words of the New York University performing for a drunk and that many female students are cool thing to do, I stopped by the were less enthusiastic, but still sup- Law Revue, ‘I’m starting with the vomiting audience totally pays fans of the industry,” he noted. library. “Where can I find the Nancy portive. “Uh, yeah. That’s great, I military recruiter/I’m asking him off. Maybe if Law Review made “That’s as true in 2010 as it was Drew books?” I asked the man at guess,” said BJ Arr, a Journal of to change his ways/I know he’s hilarious videos, Scalia would in 1988, 1964 or even 1988.” the counter. “Are you serious? This Law and Business member attracted looking for a real straight shooter/ quote them too.” The men, however, might not is a law library,” he said. I guess he by the shouts and smell of booze. But if you want a better JAG to Does this mean that the Law have been as receptive in years doesn’t know that Nancy is a detec- “I mean, I don’t really know much try your case, take a look at your Revue will take on a more serious past. “The fashion gene skipped tive. Also, no one else there wanted about this ‘editing’ stuff, but if I ranks and hire some—gays.’” note in anticipation of future a generation. There’s a sense to talk to me or to each other. did I bet I’d think it was pretty In what is perhaps the longest citations? “Hell no,” scoffed one that this return to style, or to a At least one person I spoke to cool,” he added, furtively filling a Supreme Court pop culture refer- producer. “Clearly the Justices consciousness of how you look, had somehow missed this entire de- solo cup with alcohol. ence of all time, the opinion went respect us for what we do, and is an attempt by young men to velopment. “What the hell is fashion Even the administration was on to explain the quote and its we’re going to keep on doing it. recover a set of values that were week?” he asked. “I only own four excited, with Dean Revesz proudly origin for approximately 30 pages, It’s not like we spent all of our at one point very much present shirts, so this garbage isn’t really my declaring his support. “I plan to detailing the life and death of Mi- hard earned money from ticket in American society and then cup of meat.” After a few minutes, go down and celebrate with the chael Jackson, citing to numerous sales and advertisements to bribe lost,” he said. though, he warmed to the idea. “I hard-working, deserving members MJ parody songs, and of course them to quote us.” The learned Professor is guess the week off will allow me to of the New York University Law describing the entire plot of the In other news, an insider clearly excited about some of indulge my rampant alcoholism,” Review as soon as Vicki brings over 2009 Law Revue in order to pro- reports that Law Revue ticket the new trends that will be on he concluded. prices this year will skyrocket to a display. “I’m a huge fan of these It took me a long time to whopping $65/person and there new knit, square-bottom ties that build up the nerve to interview any will not be props, sets or costumes a few of the designers are putting women, but boy am I glad I did. due to a mysterious bookkeeping out there,” he said. “I don’t know The responses were overwhelmingly the “error” that has left the show how they get them so soft and positive. “I just want to give this idea Rotatnemmoc penniless. colorful and truncated, though a great big hug,” said Chef JD ’11 The April Fools Issue of the New York University School of Law “This will be a great way to learn Green Ranger about the legal side of the fashion Mixmaster ’11 business,” said some other girl who Solution Unsolvable probably had no idea what she was Red Ranger talking about. Dough Namath ’11 I thought that more stu- 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 DOWN dents would be upset that Black Rangers 14 15 16 1 The second-hardest pushing finals back a week Stobama ’007 17 18 19 naturally-occurring would interfere with the start Chef Jd ’11 substance 20 21 22 dates for their summer jobs. AIG Exec ’12 2 Beanpot 23 24 3 The company you keep? To my surprise, most students 4 Dodger ace Don 25 26 27 28 29 30 did not share that concern, but Blue Rangers 5 Killer whales? 31 32 33 34 6 Hairstyle popular in the they were upset when I brought Sawyer ’10 Eddie Van Halen ’10 1630s the subject up. The administra- 35 36 37 38 7 Windowledge CLS Reject ’11 Yale Transfer ’12 8 This little piggy went wee tion, however, does seem to 39 40 41 42 X,Y, Zed LL.M. ’10 Atticus Finch ’10 wee wee?, or, a hint to this be opposed. Dean Revesz was 43 44 45 puzzle's theme Matlock ’12 Failed I-Banker ’11 9 Testified outright hostile to the proposal. 46 47 48 Lt. Daniel Kaffee ’11 Snooki ’10 10 Most common name in “I have three things to say 49 50 51 52 53 54 55 56 Supreme Court history to you,” he glowered. “One, Rochelle, Rochelle ’10 11 "Gobble gobble," abbrev. 57 58 59 12 Capital of Yemen this idea is ridiculous. This is 60 61 62 13 Threatening a law school. The students are Lord Zed Zordon 21 More depressing 63 64 65 22 Internet meme, for one not here to take a week off to Buck Naked ’11 McLovin ’11 Jackie Kennedy's second www.CrosswordWeaver.com 25 watch a fashion show. In fact, cousin Sal they really should have no free 26 Goddess of the hunt ACROSS Network", abbrev. 27 Deface time to do anything at all. Two, The Rotatnemmoc serves as a forum for April Fools Joke articles by members 37 Chamberpot 28 Like certain Johnsons 1 1987 AL MVP George 39 Kansas City's div. fashion week starts on Sept. 10. of the Law School community. The Editorial Board consists of overworked 29 Adequate 5 Model Kate 40 This little piggy had roast 30 Tar and feather, e.g., var. Three, you should wear pants and underpaid law students. Only editorials and policies developed by the 9 Watermelon beef? 31 It's not a planet Editorial Board reflect the opinion of the Editorial Board (duh). All other 14 Foot fungus, e.g. 43 Fifth person to swim the when you interview people.” 32 See 33-Down 15 Like Contracts or Torts English Channel There will be a student opinions expressed are dumb and we hate them. The Rotatnemmoc is issued 33 With 32-Down, a common 16 Popular Apple? 44 Loser's tournament? once a year, and thrice on Sundays. Advertising rates are available if you source of fresh water referendum on the proposal on 17 Win, Lose, or ____ 45 Cooper, e.g. 38 Hallmark specialty want your business to tank. Subscriptions are also available at a rate of $15 18 Hero of Atlas Shrugged 46 Certain Chevrolets April 5. Attendance is manda- 41 With gusto per year, but seriously, if you want a subscription, we are not delivering it to 19 Like a new T.V. 48 Honest ______tory; any student who fails to 42 Deer-like animal native to 20 This little piggy went to 49 This little piggy had none? your house. Letters to the Editor should be sent to the following address, Tanzania cast a ballot will be shot on market? 57 Popular xylophonist Martin 46 Laundry preferably by carrier pidgeon. All submissions become property of The 23 Told a lie 58 Town in southeast sight. Following the proce- 47 Take notice of Rotatnemmoc and we will use them for our deviant purposes. Also, this is a 24 Bandages Wyoming 49 Certain glassware, abbrev. dures developed for votes on 25 Aplomb 59 Dora the Explorer, e.g. joke issue so please don’t sue us. 50 Tact 27 Like Lat. or Est., once 60 Lawyer Baer classroom laptop policies, the 51 Golves and mittens, e.g. 28 See 35-Across 61 Bigot administration will not take this 52 Big-game hunter Ferguson 240 Mercer Street 31 This little piggy stayed 62 Country once led by King 53 Like a semi-ripe melon vote into account when it does home? Blomburg II New York, NY 10012 54 Band of Brothers, e.g. 34 Potent potable 63 Keeps whatever it wants. Professor 55 Sport popular in S. Amer. 35 General who succeeded 64 Balls 212.998.6080 (phone) 56 Creed Rascoff has pledged to give ev- Westmoreland in Vietnam 65 Ones who sing? [email protected] 36 "America's Number 1 ery 20th voter a free bowtie. I Get Knocked Down April Fools, 2010 r Page 7 Genuine, Bona Fide, Electrified, Six-Car Administration Caught Eating Paint Chips, NYU Law Falls in U.S. News Rankings Monorail Comes to NYU School of Law By Ly l e La n l e y the No. 3 ranking in the U.S. News brook Law on the map. He then and World Report law school rankings. broke out into a monorail song, Ever get frustrated when you Yet another professor said that the leading the faculty down the are on the fourth floor of Vanderbilt, school should refund the money to Vanderbilt steps and out into the sitting in office hours, and you need the students, but that professor was courtyard, as students looked on, to quickly get to the fourth floor lustily booed and forced to only use mortified. of Furman really quickly? Previ- $20 bills as napkins for the rest of the After construction began, ously, you would have to take the night. After interminable debate, one NYU began a long, drawn-out snail-paced route of going down unnamed faculty member got up and process to determine which the stairs or the elevator and either gave a heart-wrenching speech about professor would be the mono- walking outside to Furman or rail conductor, an extremely going through the library, which important job. Using funds would cause you to go down an obtained from the students that By St o b a m a The student response to extra flight. Oh the humanity! will appear as an “administra- the new paint job has been It might take you a grand total tive fee” on next semester’s The NYU Law community was largely negative, and the new dealt a crushing blow today, as next wall displays meant to advertise of FIVE minutes to get to Fur- bursar bill, the process to find year’s US NEWS law school rankings events have instead been used man. That is time that you could a conductor included cage were leaked, and NYU plummeted to to advertise protests. have spent outlining, C&Sing or matches, an academic decath- a pathetic No. 39 (no offense former In seeking comment from drinking. Luckily, that problem lon, a game of Knock-Out No. 39 UC-Hastings). Such a one-year the NYU administration, they of- is over. After a shockingly quick and a Bachelor-esque reality TV drop has never been seen before, and is ficially stand behind their decision construction period, NYU Law competition. being met with outrage by NYU. to repaint the lobby area. After a has built a monorail that connects Ultimately little-known The US NEWS methodology has little bit of prodding, one admin- been under fire for some time. Profes- istration official admits that while the fourth floor of both build- Professor Homer of Duff sor Brian Leiter of the University of the lobby needed to be repainted, ings. The monorail will begin Law was awarded the pres- Chicago Law School has dubbed the perhaps their choice of color com- service on April 15. tigious position as monorail US News rankings “confusing,” “ bination could have been better. The impetus for the mono- conductor. The Commentator sat highly manipulable,” and “meaning- Currently, the paint color consists rail came a few months ago, down with Professor Homer less.” As a substitute, Professor Leiter of 70 percent Eye-Gouging Grey after the law school decided to talk about his new job, but has since offered his own rankings, and 30 percent Bile Green. Perhaps which instead of being confusing, a 60/40 ratio would have been bet- how much to raise tuition pay- we ended up just drinking highly manipulable, and meaningless, ter, remarked the official. ments for next year. In what is beer, so unfortunately, we have are instead based on whatever he feels But for the NYU Law com- apparently an annual tradition, no quotes to offer. like. US NEWS has responded to such munity, there is a little bit of the faculty met to discuss what When the monorail criticism by attacking Prof. Leiter’s light at the end of the tunnel. to do with the extra money, while how he once had to schlep to a meet- opens, professors will have the integrity, claiming that his animos- US NEWS has also reported eating caviar on gold plates, using ing on the fourth floor of Furman, right to kick students out of ity to their profound, specimen of that next year, they will be tak- $100 bills for napkins and listening all the while wasting valuable time a car if they want to be alone perfection is unfounded, and instead ing into account library smell. based on University of Chicago Law’s This, of course, will immediately to a private concert from Elton John. that he could have used writing law with their deep thoughts about cemented place in the bottom half of sink Columbia’s rank to (if past According to the confidential min- review articles and polishing his C.V. canons of statutory interpreta- the Top 10. history is any indicator) 38,39, utes of the meeting, obtained by an Outraged, the professors knew that tion. In addition, professors will Chicago’s poor performance in or 40. This represents a huge undercover investigation, a number there must be a fix for this plague. be able to ride the monorail for the rankings aside (ranked No. 7 in change in the top-10 law school of proposals were discussed for the Luckily, at the same time the free, and students with an NYU 2008… just awful really), Leiter may rankings. This year, UC-San Fer- money. One professor, apparently professors were arguing, a huckster ID can use it for $20 a ride, un- have a point. In 2003, the rankings nando Valley Law School moved after watching Blank Check too many raised his hand in the back of the less they use it more than five comprised 12 different factors in 5 up to take NYU’s spot. Next different categories, all with different year, people are speculating that times on cable, suggested putting a room. After drawing them in by times a month, in which case it weights. In analyzing why NYU would perhaps Princeton Law School roller coaster and waterslide in his claiming that a monorail was only will bump up to $30 a ride. This fall so far, so fast, a recently added 13th will move into Columbia’s spot. office. Another professor advocated a “Columbia thing,” he outlined his fee will be used to fund the new category was discovered… “Lobby However, one thing is for sure. replacing the water fountains on the plan to connect NYU Law’s two Professors-only cotton candy Paint Jobs.” It appears that US NEWS If based on nothing more than third and fourth floor of Vanderbilt buildings with the same monorail machine and Moon Bounce to has given very strong weight to the new Brian Leiter’s comments alone, with Dom Perignon fountains. A system that had put Brockway Law, be installed on the third floor of category, considering it a very stable in- Chicago Law School will satisfy- dicator of student happiness and ability ingly remain in the bottom half third professor suggested buying Ogdenville Law and North Haver- Vanderbilt. to learn effectively and efficiently. of the top-10. ‘Tubthumping’ at Fall Ball’10 By Bo f f Wh a l l e y lost generation who end up spending all night in the bathroom because we Fall Ball is going to have a little had too much to drink.” different form of entertainment this “Chumbawamba is our Bob coming year. Yesterday, NYU Law put Dylan, our Bruce Springsteen,” said out a press release that Chumbawamba, Jack Jackson ’11. “The band includes the band that put out such 1990s mega- a bunch of lyrical wordsmiths that hits as “Amnesia,” “Drip, Drip, Drip,” really speak to our generation. I and “The Good Ship Lifestyle,” has can’t count all the nights that I have been booked to play at the October spent alone and depressed, but law school event. The band is touring when I hear those ‘Tubthumping’ in support of their Feb. 2010 album lyrics, it just brings me to a better “ABCDEFG,” their 15th studio release place in life, when musical titans like (amazingly this is 100 percent accurate, Chumbawamba, Smashmouth, and they have actually put out 15 albums!), Sugar Ray ruled the radio airwaves. and it thought that playing for a bunch The music that those kids listen to of drunk law students celebrating Hal- today just pales in comparison. It loween debauchery would be a great way isn’t the same” to launch the tour. For the law school, The concert hype has already hit it was a way to get people more excited the rock blogosphere with a fury pre- about the annual fall event, as well as viously reserved for whenever mem- provide some positive press in music bers of the band Animal Collective community, which has been ever elusive went to the bathroom. Pitchfork for the law school. Media, which has long been one of “I play ‘Tubthumping’ by Chum- Chumbawamba’s biggest support- bawamba in my office every morning ers on the web, called the Fall Ball as I get ready for the day,” said Dean concert the most anticipated concert Richard Revesz. “It just fires me up un- event of 2010, and is dispatching 17 like any other album from 1997.” reporters to cover it. However, since The announcement was met by they are not NYU students, they will near-universal approval by the student need to find 17 law students willing body, who were excited to see the to go with them as guests. legendary Chumbawamba perform In any event, the concert should their biggest hits on the big stage of be a rocking good time, and we’ll be Greenburg. singing when we’re winning. As the “Man, ‘Tubthumping’ is my fa- Wamba says, just remember to drink vorite song of all time!” said I.P. Frehly a whiskey, drink, a vodka, drink, a ’12. “Those lyrics just speak to me. In lager drink and a cider drink. But my opinion, the lyric ‘pissing the night obviously don’t do all of those at away’ is the greatest line in all of rock Fall Ball, because you only get two music history. It just really speaks to a drink tickets. Food & Politics & Classroom & Solution Page 8 r April Fools, 2010 I’d Cross Nine Streets for Some McDonalds Burgers and Fries By St o b a m a a n d Ch e f JD in the usage of a ubiquitous, smiling Wrap. The chef delights in the whim- is a bit more expensive than other they said a beverage came with our clown and “happy meals” delivered sical presentation by reimagining ingredients, and shows McDonalds combo, we both requested Moet After due prodding from read- in identical branded containers - no what has become a mundane dish is focused on high-quality (organic & Chandon. However, we were in- ers looking for cheaper places around doubt a nod to Warhol’s famous in our society. While diners will rec- and sustainable) ingredients and formed that they were out of bottles campus, we decided to review a Brillo boxes. While some are put off ognize the familiar taste of the dish, places value on personally cooking for the evening. We settled for Hi-C restaurant that always seems to be by the grotesque visage of the clown, they will be shocked by the way it is everything from scratch, on the punch instead. hopping when we walk by, no matter we appreciated the highbrow com- presented. premises. The burger was offered The final course was an apple what time of day. The McDonalds mentary on the circus atmosphere The third course was the fish with ketchup, pickles and small-diced tart tatin with a side of McFlurry on West Third has been the subject that pervades NYC dining. While course and was particularly unique onions. The person taking orders Anglais. The tart was baked beauti- of critical acclaim: “Better than Per McDonald’s only charges around $5 for this style of restaurant. The filet suggested we make this course into fully into a rectangle shape and was Se,” “The hidden gem most New for their hamburgers, we have dined was flour-dusted and then lightly a “combo” for a $1.29 supplement cooked to a perfect golden brown. Yorkers miss” and “Best for burg- at some places that charge prices for sautéed in oil to a perfect medium- which we opted for. The combo The tart was served with McFlurry ers – watch out Lugers!” Since the a burger that would make even PT rare. The texture was light and airy included a beverage and a side of crème anglais that was sprinkled with reviews have been overwhelmingly Barnum blush! with contrast from the light batter pommes frites. crushed oreo powder. While one of positive and the restaurant is in close The menu is eclectic, ranging encapsulating the fish. The pommes frites were crispy us found the dish to be cloyingly proximity to the law school, we felt it from Mediterranean fish specialties We were most excited for the and extremely fresh. While they sweet, the other delighted in the sug- was our duty as Commentator food to breaded micro-chicken terrines. meat course (course four) as this is were very tasty, they seemed to be ary rush that followed. reviewers to expose this fantastic The chef’s vision seems to be taking the restaurant’s particular area of a bit overseasoned. We immediately Overall, the experience was spot to you, our fans. simple dishes and presenting them in expertise. We opted for the gourmet notified the waiter at the counter exceptional and the restaurant lived We opted to dine in on a Thurs- obvious and simple, yet avant-garde burger which was hyped to rival Peter who said that he would pass the criti- up to its reputation as worthy of a day night and the restaurant was presentations. We chose to partici- Luger’s or DB Bistro Moderne’s Foie cism on to the chef and immediately Michelin Star. While dining around extremely busy. We waited at the pate in the tasting menu; one plus at Gras burger. Instead of loading the rectify the problem. We were a bit campus, be sure not to miss it. And door for the Maitre’d, but after sev- McDonalds is that all members at the burger with shaved black truffles and disappointed that a manager didn’t remember to donate your change to eral minutes we decided that it must table don’t need to opt in. Diners can foie gras, the chef boldly opts for a come out to offer a complimentary the Ronald McDonald House – we have been one of those alternative, either opt for the five course tasting simple burger to showcase his talents bottle of wine to correct the prob- love a restaurant that is philanthropic experimental restaurants that wants or an a la carte menu. and to prove that often times, famous lem with the pommes frites. When and delicious! to be different from everyone else, The first course was a terrine of chefs are challenged by the simplest and probably required self seating. chicken that was lightly battered and preparations. The burger was one We waited for table service for a fried to a crisp. While the depth of fourth of a pound of quality meat. Democrats, Obama Fold while, but because they seemed a flavor was fantastic – starting with a Our biggest criticism was that we bit busy, we decided to opt for their chewy, light meat texture and finish- ordered the burgers medium-rare, cafeteria style, order at the counter, ing with a crispy exterior – we found but they were served well-done. The Under GOP Juggarnaut option. the presentation to be a bit lacking. chef may do well to make a thicker The decor consists of flores- Perhaps the chef can spread the patty to ensure that he is able to cook By Ma r c e l l u s Wa l l a c e inclined to be against anything cent lighting and plastic surfaces - a smoked tomato gastrique on the bot- to temperature properly. Despite be- this president attempts, but I’m Warholian flourish that serves as a tom of the carton before placing the ing overcooked, the burger was juicy White House Press Secre- confused as to how to deal with striking and refreshing affront to the terrines. Maybe some micro-greens and flavorful. The meat was served tary Robert Gibbs announced this exactly,” said Sen. Saxby dimly lit, cavernous experience that or green onion for color? on a sesame seed bun that appeared today that President Obama is Chambliss, (R-GA). House Mi- passes for “mood lighting” and “am- The second course was a dish to be baked in-house. We appreciated throwing in the towel on all of nority Leader John Boehner (R- biance” at most NYC restaurants. that the chef has been developing the sesame seeds – this is a nice touch his major legislative proposals Ohio) seemed more supportive. Similar Warhol flourishes can be seen for some time now – the Mac Snack as it adds a little flavor and crunch, in the face of insurmountable “I’m glad this administration is Republican opposition. “The backing off from its uber-liberal President has decided, in consul- policies, such as trying-to-pass-a- tation with his colleagues in the bill-while-Democrat,” said Mc- Critical Legal Studies Given Short Shrift in Class House and Senate, to drop the Connell. Senate Minority Leader By Ma n o Do c t o during the pornography discussion them to direct this skepticism to cri- initiatives on health care reform Mitch McConnell (R-KY) said, did Richards deride the fetishization tique progressive values. The pana- and environmental protection, “I agree with this in principle, Wednesday, March 10, first-year of consent that provides the “ratio- cea, OCS has found, is surprisingly as well as several other proposals but as a Republican, I know I’m students in Prof. David Richards’s nal” hook for keeping pornography simple: the Lawyering Program.” in different stages of develop- not satisfied. These half measures criminal law class were shocked legal. This fails to satisfy at least one ment.” Gibbs went on to say that won’t be enough. The President when the class failed to give ap- As a result of these dangerous student. “This is total BS,” says Brian the White House is backing off is going to have to step down propriate weight to critical issues omissions, remarks one student, “[w] Morris ’11. “The other day I was in from efforts at campaign finance completely before we can work in the law. The two-hour lecture, a e will be completely unprepared to Labor Law and the professor didn’t reform, education reform, corpo- with the White House. Then we magazine lecture surveying criminal practice law in the field. How can one even use the word ‘hegemony’ once rate watchdog legislation, Don’t can discuss how to move forward vice law, included in-depth treatment be a state prosecutor, for example, in a two-hour lecture. We pay good Ask Don’t Tell, and tabling other together… with a new Republi- of black-letter law, occasionally pep- and not know precisely how the pre- money to come here, and NYU isn’t proposed ideas such as a man- can administration.” pered by Prof. Richards; witty, yet Lawrence legal regime affected gays?” living up to its end of the bargain.” datory five-day waiting period Told about McConnell’s insightful law-and-economics puns. The student spoke on the condition Indeed, many students question the before children under eight can comment, House Majority Leader The lecture began with a discus- of anonymity, for fear of reprisal. ad hoc response to what is seen as a buy an assault rifle. Gibbs even Harry Reid responded. “Resigna- sion of contemporary federal drug More and more often, students systemic problem. “I definitely think hinted that the administration tion is something we’re willing to policy. Class discussion centered at New York University School of this is a structural problem,” says might not even ask for bail-out discuss, as long as the Republi- around the theoretical question of Law have found themselves fail- Morris. “As a professor or a student, funds to be returned. cans have to give us something. at what point an unenforced law ing to be challenged with issues of you can have the best intentions. The “We just can’t stop Republi- If they would give us even one ceases to be a law. Later in the class, discrimination in the classroom. system will still corrupt you. I can’t cans. We don’t have the power. We vote for health care, the president Prof. Richards expounded upon End-of-semester evaluations of explain how any of this works—it’s only have fifty-nine Democratic has informed me that resignation anti-pornography regulation. Here, professors are viewed as almost- the system, man!” senators. Jim Bunning was able could be on the table.” If the students were directed by Richards entirely pro-forma, and the number Given the runaway success of to stop us by himself. And they Democrats stick to this position, to consider whether the target of of aging children of the sixties on the Lawyering Program in other have forty-one more of those!” resignation seems unlikely, given the regulatory scheme was the the faculty is falling as they die out areas, namely fostering practical said Gibbs, referring to Senator Republican obstinacy. However, pornographic product itself, or the and are replaced with newer, more education and securing jobs for Bunning’s (R-KY) single-handed with the Democrats recent track underlying social structures that vibrant professors. recent graduates, however, many blocking of legislation that would record on compromise, it seems create a market for pornography. In Furthermore, when profes- are hopeful. unemployed people from being possible that Obama could resign the second half, the class debated sors buck the conser- summarily executed. “We have without a firm commitment from the implications for federalism in vative orthodoxy and Solution no David to their numerous the GOP. prohibitions on “deviant” sexual actually explain, for Goliaths,” Gibbs continued, One White House resident behaviors. example, how women referencing the ancient Jewish seemed to stand firm, however. However, the lecture completely are disproportionately tale of young Democratic activist “I’m not going anywhere,” said failed to give special consideration to affected by federal laws that assassinated Senator Goliath First Lady Michelle Obama. “I the interests of women, blacks, gays, against bank fraud, stu- (R-Canaan), allowing important just planted a vegetable garden!” Hispanics or other demographic dents rarely listen. “The civil rights legislation to pass. When told that some GOP minority groups. Richards failed problem is one of insti- “The time has come to ac- congressmen have called for the to inform students that drug laws tutionalizing the revolu- cept that even though we have garden to be uprooted, with Con- were designed as a legal pretext to tion,” says Dean Ricky majorities in the House, Senate, gressman David Dreier (R-CA) incarcerate black males and foster Revesz. “For as long as I and a Democratic president, the stating that, “eating vegetables the breakdown of the black fam- can remember, theorists Republicans have the stronger is one of the leading causes of ily unit. He also failed to note that have been confronted mandate,” said Gibbs. homosexuality,” the first lady “family unit” is actually a worthless with how to force law Republican response has was adamant. “If David Dreier social construct used to justify op- students to internalize been ambivalent, as the GOP wants to blame cucumbers for pressing gays and practitioners of an attitude of healthy seemingly attempts to develop a how he feels that’s his choice. But other disfavored, consensual sexual skepticism towards the coherent stance. “It sounds like the garden, and its gardener, are behaviors. To top it all off, at no point law without permitting a liberal trick of some sort. I’m here to stay.”