etc. Presents: ‘Mind Games’
Characters:
1. Ruby: RPG Elf/Companion 1 - played by Violet 2. Garnet: RPG Elf/Companion 2 - played by Georgia 3. Jordan: Real-life sibling - played by Alex 4. Major Mitch Black: VR Military Grunt – played by Sam 5. Starlight: VR Sibling - played by Shaina 6. DJ: Jordan's Real-life best friend - played by Isabelle 7. Totally Tina 2.0: VR Perky Puzzle Hero – played by Sophia 8. Jenna: Sibling lost in game - played by Katherine 9. Lucien: Evil VR Wizard - played by Andy 10. Evalon: VR Chillout/Sandbox Hero - played by KJ 11. OS1: Voice of Vortex/Game Master – played by Ilana
Plot Notes: In the near future, VR has replaced most standard videogames, with the most advanced setup being the 'Vortex', allowing seamless integration of several gaming worlds and a full virtual ‘life’ from one hub world. Jenna and Jordan are two siblings whose family is fairly well-off financially, but lacking in warmth, especially since the recent loss of their mother. With an emotionally-absent father and school/social pressures mounting in real life, Jenna retreats more and more into Vortex, where her virtual sibling Starlight and her AI companions are becoming more attractive than reality. In the meantime, real-life sibling Jordan and best friend DJ are left behind. Over a summer, they dive into Vortex themselves, trying to understand Jenna’s need to escape while uncovering her reasons for not wanting to come back.
Scene 1: Jenna's Head
(Lights up on JENNA's bedroom. She lives in a well-to-do house, with several geek culture/video game posters around her room. There is a large TV and a new Virtual Reality system off to the side. JENNA is sleeping on her bed in the center of the room; suddenly, she pops up, scared by a nightmare.)
JENNA: Mom!!
(JENNA's MOM comes in.)
MOM: Jenna...
JENNA: Mom, oh thank GOD. I had this terrible nightmare and.../
MOM: /Jenna, you can't keep doing this.
JENNA: Doing what? Having dreams? Look, Mom, I'm sorry if I woke you but.../
MOM: /I'm not here, Jenna.
JENNA: ...what?
MOM: You have to let me go, baby girl.
JENNA: What are you/
MOM: /It's Ok....you've got your Dad, and Jordan and DJ..
JENNA: Mom, what are you saying!? This is crazy, you're standing right.../
MOM: It's time to wake up now, honey.
(JENNA's MOM starts to leave.)
JENNA: No, Mom, don't go!
MOM: You'll be OK, sweetie...
JENNA: No, wait!!! My nightmare, it...
MOM: It's time to wake up, Jenna...
JENNA: /...it looked just like this.
MOM: It's time to/
JORDAN
(Energetic music begins now as the lights abruptly shift. JENNA realizes she's been dreaming again.)
JENNA: Right... RIGHT! School! Um.... I'll be right there!
(JENNA jumps out of bed in her pajamas and frantically looks around for something to wear. JORDAN busts into the room.) JORDAN: Jen, What. The. Heck!? Did you not hear me knock, like 40 minutes ago?
JENNA: Umm...
JORDAN: /or hear DJ calling your phone 15 thousand times? I could hear it from MY room!
JENNA: I'm sorry...
JORDAN: Whatever. Look, I brought you some of my stuff, since you've gone all Obi Wan Kenobi and haven't left your room to do laundry since April. Put this and this and this on; you'll look less tragic.
JENNA: Hey...
JORDAN: You've got 5 minutes before we have to be outside, or we're going to miss the bus, which means we'll be late, which means we'll get detention, which means I'll be SUPER pissed, because unlike you, I don't want to spend my entire weekend indoors. Again.
JENNA: Jeez, harsh.
JORDAN: Truthful, J. I know you're going through some kind of "Miss Misunderstood", ‘Rebel Yell’-type thing at the moment, but some of us don't have time to put our lives on hold, ok? I’ve got tests and friends and stuff to do after school, all of which require me getting TO school to get school over with. Now change!
(JORDAN leaves. JENNA waits until she is gone, then mocks her.)
JENNA: "Wah, I'm Jordan and I have tests and friends and"/
JORDAN (from outside the door): /I can HEAR you, butt face! JENNA (to herself): Whatever...
SONG: “A New Story”:
JENNA: It’s not about being misunderstood It’s not a fight for what’s right or what’s ‘good’ I’m not rebelling just to rebel I’m not re-telling the lyrics I yelled before
I’m just one kid in a big universe I know that others have it much worse I wish it made more sense in my head why the feeling part of me feels mostly dead
The world keeps asking, but I don’t know I’m making all this up as I go I’ll have the answers when I say so But for now, peace out; I’m laying low
A new story is what I’m after And tall tales take time
A new story to copy over mistakes in mine
I’m rewriting my adolescence line by line in my new story all the glory is mine
JORDAN: Stop conversing with the voices in your head and let's. GO!
JENNA: ‘Voices in my head’? Please...
(The voices in JENNA's head appear on-stage.)
VOICES: …Yo!
JENNA: Maybe she's got a point.
ALL but JENNA: Sometimes, the stories we tell Don’t paint our picture so well Sometimes, the plotlines are skewed and we re-arrange the way we’re viewed
Slowly but surely, anxiety grows You try to hide it, so nobody knows Go ‘bout your business, living a lie while your whole life passes you by
The world keeps pushing us down the road Fears appear from the seeds we sowed So we march on with a heavy load feeling like we’ve lost the secret code
And now a new story is what we’re after We long to connect
A new story where no one’s role is the big reject
We’re all begging for space and time to have the freedom to select
A brand new story where we all can connect ALL: What will it take to make it? before we break before we’re broken
Where’s the escape from waking up where it’s fake? Where no one’s woken
Up We’re drowned in doubt so let’s log on and let’s check out
It might not be a perfect ending but it’s a start
To our new story it’s what we’re after We long to connect
A new story where no one’s role is the big reject
We’re all begging for space and time to have the freedom to select
A brand new story where we all can connect
JENNA: ALL but JENNA: A new story Sometimes, the stories is what I’m after we tell And tall tales take time Don’t paint our picture so well
A new story Sometimes, the plotlines to copy over are skewed, mistakes in mine and we rearrange the way we’re viewed
I’m rewriting We’re all begging my adolescence for space and time to have the line by line freedom to select
in my new story a brand new story all the glory is mine where we all can connect
ALL: What will it take to make it? before we break What will it take?!?
JORDAN: Come ON!
(JORDAN breaks the final pose, grabs JENNA, and yanks her off-stage as the others look on.)
LIGHTS OUT.
Scene 2: After School (Back at JENNA and JORDAN’s house, after school. JENNA stomps in, throws her backpack on the ground, and plops onto her bed, defeated by another day. JORDAN stops at the doorway.)
JORDAN: See, that wasn’t so bad, right?! Another day of school done! We killed it!
JENNA: (head in pillow) Meh.
JORDAN: Can I come in?
JENNA: ….Meh.
JORDAN: Well, with that kind of enthusiasm, how could I say no?!?
…so, Dad left us some of those disgusting Pizza Popper things; should we make 70 or so and watch Gilmore Girls re-runs?
JENNA: I dunno.
JORDAN: Or… oh, Katie gave me some really real-looking temporary tattoos. Wanna get tatted like a trucker and freak the old man out when he gets home?
JENNA: …Maybe later.
JORDAN: We could tell him we joined a high school biker gang…
JENNA: Jordan…
JORDAN: Not exciting enough, huh? Hmm…. We could…. Start a YouTube channel of us just eating soup and call it “Soup Tube”! ….we could break into the veterinarian’s office and steal all the ferrets! ….we could hack the government’s website and replace every other word with “poop”? I dunno, give me somethin’ to work with here!
JENNA: Sis, look, I’m…
JORDAN: /Just not in the mood right now, right? Yeah, so you’ve told me. For weeks now.
JENNA: Look, I don’t know what you want from me…
JORDAN: I want my sister back! This moping around is totally lame.
JENNA: Well I’m sorry I can’t be little Miss Perky all the time, Princess/
JORDAN: /I lost her too! …Did you forget that?!
JENNA: No. But you seem to. Mom’s barely been gone a month, and you’re bouncing around, acting like Pizza Poppers are the biggest thing going.
JORDAN: How dare you, Jenna. You don’t think I miss her? Don’t you know me better than that?
JENNA: I don’t know anything right now! …Look, I’m sorry. I just want to sleep. Do whatever you want.
(JENNA lies back down defeated, head back in her pillow. JORDAN goes to leave, but then stays in her room.)
JORDAN: J… this isn’t us. What’s happened to us?
SONG: "Used to Be"
JORDAN: Remember in preschool When we both dyed our hair We were so sure we Were the coolest kids there
Through the bad times and bullies Through the concerts and plays From the freezing cold winter To the hot summer haze
We could handle whatever Waited outside our home 'Cuz we'd face it together We were never alone
I knew I had you and you know that
This used to be easy This used to be fun When I'd count my blessings We used to be one
If I am the reason We're not now, tell me 'Cuz I spend all day missing What we used to be
JENNA: Jordan, I…
JORDAN: I'm missing our secrets I'm missing your smile I'm begging to see it 'Cuz it's been a while
And though it's hard to admit it I don't know what to do When I think of my future If it doesn't have you in it, too
I can't fake this; I'm dying inside I don't know how to take this; How long will you hide away
Every moment, you’re taking my heart for a ride
This used to be easy This used to be fun When I'd count my blessings We used to be one
If I am the reason We're not now, tell me 'Cuz I spend all day missing What we used to be
JENNA: It’s not you, J. It’s… I dunno. It’s everything.
JORDAN: You can’t go on like this forever, Jenna. You don’t have to deal with all this suck alone.
JENNA: Jordan…
JORDAN: /I’m right here, J. Please… I miss you.
JORDAN: JENNA: We used to be sisters I don't know what to do You were my best friend I don't know what to say I can't face thinking I search for the words but That all that could end they're taken away
If there's anything I can do It's nobody's fault Anything I can say except maybe mine Then tell me, I'm begging you I want to be there for you I can't live this way but I need more time
JENNA: To find what I need/
JORDAN: JENNA: /Without the real you I'm not really me I'm sorry but So I'll just keep on missing I'm just not ready for What we used to be what we used to be
JORDAN: Well… I guess I’ll just.. whatever. I’ll be in my room.
JENNA: Ok.
(JORDAN leaves, defeated. JENNA cries into her pillow. Suddenly, the T.V. comes on by itself and a gruff military commander appears on-screen.)
MAJOR MITCH BLACK: At-ten-SHUN! Git your sad-sack cryin’ butt outta bed, Missy!
JENNA: What in the world…?
MAJOR MITCH BLACK: That’s right, up and at ‘em! You’ve got worlds to save! Grab the tissues, Mommy Issues! Lock ‘n load!
JENNA: What is this thing? Alexa, turn off the T.V.!
MAJOR MITCH BLACK: No retreat, no surrender!!
(MITCH BLACK is pushed off-screen by OS1.)
OS1: My apologies, Jenna. That was Major Mitch Black, from our Warzone application. He can be a bit excitable. But you ARE most welcome to join us!
JENNA: Who… what are you, and how do you know my name? Is this some kind of trick? Is Jordan taping this or something?
OS1: There are no current recordings on-going. I am OS1, and we are the Vortex Virtual Reality System, newly updated to version 2.0 by Jason Adams.
JENNA: Dad? …Dad put you in my room?
OS1: I do not know the relationship of the primary customer contact to the current game subject. But I do know that you are called “Jenna”, and that we are here to create your world.
JENNA: Why would I want a new world? My current one’s crap enough. And why do you care? …and why am I talking to my wall?
OS1: We will be happy to answer each of your questions in the form of an upbeat musical selection. Loading now…
JENNA: What?!? No, wait.
OS1: Engaging back-up vocals…
JENNA: I don’t need back-up vocals!
SONG: “Plug In and Play”
VORTEX CHARACTERS: Oh, oh oh oh… Oh, oh oh Oh, oh oh
JENNA: …Ok, they ARE good…
OS1: We see you stressin’ see you comin’ home from school
TOTALLY TINA: We see you writing in your journal That you’re feelin’ like a fool
RUBY: for feeling young and dumb and crazy
GARNET: feeling left out on your own
MAJOR MITCH BLACK: and we know your spelling’s lazy ‘cuz our app is on your phone
STARLIGHT: That’s not the point
OS1: The point is this: you’re not the only kid around who goes through life feeling unwanted like a puppy in a pound
STARLIGHT: You’re not a dog;
OS1: My bad, analogies are getting patched in version 3 Now, look at me, I’m rambling again
What I mean to say is: It's better in here
ALL VORTEX CHARACTERS: So plug in, chill out, and play Don’t waste a minute of your day
Worried about what people say Just plug in and play
We’re in a safe, fake space, it’s true, But what has the real world done for you?
Seems like the smartest thing to do is plug in and play
JENNA: So, you’ve invaded my private journal, peered into the depths of my fragile teenage psyche, and now you want me to willingly participate in your big charade?
OS1: Yes.
TOTALLY TINA: Totally!
JENNA: Yeah, I don’t know about that…
STARLIGHT: Just wait until the next verse!
JENNA: Do I have a choice?
ALL VORTEX CHARACTERS: No!
Oh, oh oh oh… Oh, oh oh Oh, oh oh
OS1: You want adventure? It’s adventure you will get
There is no judgement here,
RUBY: no bullies
GARNET: All the kittens you can pet
EVALON: And it’s right here; you’re super lucky
TOTALLY TINA: we’re just waiting for the call
MAJOR MITCH BLACK: so although high-school is sucky …you can vaporize it all!
ALL VORTEX but MITCH: /Virtually
LUCIEN: So dive on in, the water’s set to wicked nice
STARLIGHT: And you’ve got terabytes of treasure ‘cuz your parents paid full price
EVALON: Not that it’s all just about money
OS1: but let’s be honest, honey This uber-rad technology ain’t cheap
ALL VORTEX CHARACTERS: So just give us a whirl; it’s much nicer in here
Plug in, chill out, and play Don’t waste a minute of your day
Worried about what people say Just plug in and play
We’re in a safe, fake space, it’s true, But what has the real world done for you?
Seems like the smartest thing to do is plug in and play
I know we’re comin’ on a little strong And we could have you pegged all wrong
But look, we took the time to write a song that’s gotta count for something Doesn’t that count for something?
Oh, oh oh oh… Oh, oh oh Oh, oh oh
Come on and plug in, chill out, and play Don’t waste a minute of your day
Worried about what people say Just plug in and play
We’re in a safe, fake space, it’s true, But what has the real world done for you?
Seems like the smartest thing to do is plug in and play
Plug in, chill out, and play why not get started here today
You need escape, we’ll show the way; Just Plug in and play
We promise nothing but the best So put our system to the test
Not to be lame, but be our guest just plug in and play
We see you stressin’ We know you wanna…
JENNA:
(JENNA places the VR headset on.)
LIGHTS OUT.
Scene 3: A New World (The stage is changed, and we are now in the VR realm of the Vortex. JENNA comes on stage now without the big headset on, but in new clothing; her ‘avatar’ for the system. OS1 and STARLIGHT are waiting to greet her as she arrives on-stage.)
JENNA: What in the… whoa.
OS1: Incredible, isn’t it?
STARLIGHT: Ooooh, that’s her! Jenna! I’m SUCH a fan; I’ve read ALL of your on-line journal entries!
JENNA: I’ve seen you before. You’re from my wall. And you… you loaded up those backup singers.
STARLIGHT: We were good, right?
JENNA: I mean….
STARLIGHT: I knew it!
OS1: I am OS1, the master program and voice of this world, Jenna. And this little one is Starlight.
STARLIGHT: That’s right!
JENNA: ‘This…. World’? Where are we?
STARLIGHT: We’re all up in your brain!
JENNA: What?
OS1: Technically, Starlight is telling the truth. This is Vortex, the latest in virtual reality software. You have logged in, and are now this world’s main user.
STARLIGHT: Lucky duck!
JENNA: So, this… all of this… doesn’t exist?
OS1: Not in the physical sense. But thanks to the headset you are wearing back in your room, this world was created, and is being built upon second by second by your brain.
JENNA: Wait a minute, I thought this was just some sort of videogame. I didn’t sign up for you to play with my thoughts!
STARLIGHT: Nope. Your dad did!
JENNA: Dad?
OS1: That’s correct, Jenna. The consumer known as “Jason Adams” signed the necessary user data agreements to allow your unique physiological profile to be utilized by Vortex for use including but not restricted to: character creation and modeling, artificial intelligence pathing, in-game dynamic scripting, body temperature-activated sensory triggering …and targeted pop-up ads.
JENNA: What?
STARLIGHT: We know you like Starbucks green tea!
JENNA: Easy guess.
STARLIGHT: With three sugars!
JENNA: I mean, sometimes..
STARLIGHT: /And you watch old Sesame Street on YouTube and cry over your lost youth!
JENNA: Ok, this is just creepy. I don’t know what Dad was thinking, but he should’ve just bought me a teddy bear or a convertible or something like every other Dad. How do I get back home?
STARLIGHT: Aw, don’t go!
OS1: You have the power to leave here whenever you want, Jenna.
JENNA: Awesome, because I’d really like to…/
OS1: /but we know you don’t really want to.
JENNA: ….what?
STARLIGHT: Can’t lie to us, new best friend!
OS1: You’re lonely. You feel lost. Alone. You don’t feel like your friends understand.
JENNA: Well, one friend, really…
STARLIGHT: /DJ!
JENNA: And Jordan. Wait, how’d you…
OS1: We’re always learning, Jenna. Inside Vortex, you’ll find new friends. Friends who treat you like you should be treated.
JENNA: But it’s not real….
STARLIGHT: It’s da bomb!
OS1: It’s as real as your thoughts. It’s as real as you want it to be.
JENNA: I dunno…
(The other VORTEX characters except for LUCIEN appear on-stage.)
RUBY:
GARNET:
RUBY/GARNET: Bully!
JENNA: What’s with the accents?
OS1: Removing accents.
RUBY:
GARNET: We’re gonna kick some dragon a/
OS1: /As soon as you confirm that you’d like to go deeper into your world, Jenna, you can start exploring with Ruby and Garnet here.
TOTALLY TINA 2.0: Oh my GAWD, like, YEAH. I LOVE your look but you could TOTALLY use some bling! Come and play my game, girl!
JENNA: And you are…?
OS1: That’s Totally Tina 2.0.
TOTALLY TINA 2.0: Totally!
OS1: She’s recently been upgraded with a retro ‘80s package.
TOTALLY TINA 2.0: For sure!
JENNA: She reminds me of something…
TOTALLY TINA 2.0: I’m TOTALLY rockin’ the look from your momma’s yearbook, dudette!
JENNA: ….oh. Yeah, now I remember.
MAJOR MITCH BLACK: Don’t you start those waterworks again, Snifflin’ Susan!
JENNA: My name’s…/
MAJOR MITCH BLACK: /I KNOW what yer name is, soldier! Now finish the sign-in process and let’s get to the war before all the peaceniks are slaughtered without us!
JENNA: Huh?
OS1: Stand down, Major Mitch. Jenna will make her decision in her own time.
EVALON: She doesn’t have to, though. She can just sit here. Or build a skyscraper. Or go sailing, or eat a protein wrap. Or sleep, or dance. You know, whatever!
JENNA: Not very decisive, are they?
OS1: Not Evalon, no. They rule over the EverLand, where anything is possible.
JENNA: EverLand? Isn’t that really close to Peter Pan? You know, Neverla../
VORTEX CHARACTERS: /DON’T SAY IT!
STARLIGHT: We settled out of court!
JENNA: Oh. Ok.
OS1: We’re all here for you, Jenna. All you need to do is say the word….
(LUCIEN comes on-stage.)
LUCIEN: Hahahahahahahah! Yes, say the word and I will DESTROY you!!!
OS1: Allow me to introduce Lucien, our resident evil wizard.
LUCIEN: I’m so EVIL!
OS1: He needs a few tweaks.
LUCIEN: I need nothing but more victims to feed my need for evil!
JENNA: Why would you have an evil wizard in here?
STARLIGHT: Every good game needs a good bad guy, J-pop!
JENNA: Don’t call me that.
STARLIGHT: Deleting nickname!
OS1: As Starlight says, we found users would get bored in Vortex without a proper challenge. Without struggle, it just wasn’t real enough.
STARLIGHT: Human brains like the pain!
JENNA: Sounds like me.
LUCIEN: You’ll be destroyed!!!
OS1: You won’t be destroyed. You’re the master user, which means that you have the power to shape this world. None of us can hurt you unless you want us to.
LUCIEN: I am a paper tiger! HAHAHAHAHAHA!
STARLIGHT: But that doesn’t mean you can’t have fun!
MITCH BLACK: Start a war!
RUBY/GARNET: Scale a mountain!
TOTALLY TINA 2.0: Wang Chung tonight!
EVALON: Contemplate existence! …Or not!
LUCIEN: Give in to my evil!!
JENNA: But I’ve got homework…
OS1: /But you don’t want to do it. You want to stay here, and we know why!
SONG: Better Than Ever Before:
TOTALLY TINA: Think of bright summer days
RUBY: Chillin’ out
GARNET: Catchin’ rays
ALL: This is better than that
LUCIEN: Picture you in a pit
MITCH BLACK: filled with cute baby kittens;
ALL: It’s better than that!
No, you say? You don’t buy it? Well don’t take it from us; Take a chance and try it come on, now we’re all waiting;
Nothing good is bettered by hesitating
Just dive on in and see what life can be
When you live a new reality
Let us show you all we have in store
You won’t ever wanna leave ‘cuz it’s Better than Ever Before
JENNA: I mean, I’m not gonna lie. This place is pretty impressive. It seems to have..
STARLIGHT: /everything you could ever want!
JENNA: How do you keep doing that?
STARLIGHT: YOU did it!
JENNA: Oh, yeah.
EVALON: You like food? Sure you do;
TOTALLY TINA: Think of your favorite snack;
ALL: this is better than that!
MITCH BLACK: Hate your school? Heck, we know;
STARLIGHT: now picture never going back;
ALL: this is better than that!
So give in No more stressing Let your conscience open; don’t leave us guessing
We’re all here to befriend you Just think up your happy place and we’ll send you
Just dive on in and see what life can be
When you live a new reality
Let us show you all we have in store
You won’t ever wanna leave ‘cuz it’s Better than Ever Before
We’re ribbon-winning, simply divine!
A+ each and every time
You can’t have this much fun on-line for such a premium price and we’re super nice don’t make us ask you twice come on and roll the dice
and dive on in to see what life can be
When you live a new reality
Let us show you all we have in store
You won’t ever wanna leave ‘cuz it’s Better than Ever
You’ve come this far, so why not see what’s in store?
You’ve taken your first steps, now take a couple more
Don’t you want to see what’s behind that door?
Well so do we So come and see We know you’ll never wanna leave ‘cuz this is better than you’ve had ever before!
(JENNA signs a contract with OS1, and all march her off-stage.)
LIGHTS OUT.
Scene 4: The Real World (We are back in JENNA’s room, where JORDAN is now pacing around as DJ enters. They obviously don’t like each other very much.)
DJ: What’s up, dork.
JORDAN: The expiration on your fashion sense.
DJ: Whatever. So, where’s J?
JORDAN: You don’t get to call her J. I call her J. That’s my thing.
DJ: You don’t own letters, Jordan.
JORDAN: And YOU don’t own a nice top.
DJ: Like I care what you think. Seriously, where’s Jenna? Are you two playing some kind of trick?
JORDAN: Any trick I play would NOT include you, DJ. She’s gone.
DJ: She can’t be ‘gone’. She barely leaves her room these days.
JORDAN: Well, this is her room, isn’t it? You see her around?
DJ: Obviously not, genius. But did you think for a minute she might have gone out?
JORDAN: You serious?
DJ: Well, did you check the library?
JORDAN: Yep.
DJ: The 7-11?
JORDAN: Uh-huh.
DJ: The gym?
JORDAN: The gym? Do you even know my sister?
DJ: Well, she’s not just ‘gone’.
JORDAN: She has been sad…
DJ: Yeah, like I didn’t know that. And?
JORDAN: AND, sometimes sad kids do stupid stuff.
DJ: What, like… like run away?
JORDAN: I don’t know…
DJ: If Jen was gonna run away, she would have told me.
JORDAN: Oh, and not me?
DJ: She tells me everything.
JORDAN: That’s cute you think so, but false. She tells ME everything.
DJ: Has she told you about the boy?
JORDAN: Which one, the one from Science or the one from Camp?
DJ: Wait, there’s one from Camp?!?
JORDAN: …no. I was testing you.
DJ: Well, stop. You seriously checked everywhere?
JORDAN: Do you think I would have texted you if this wasn’t a dire situation?
DJ: Good point. But I swear to God, if you two are playing some sort of game…/
JORDAN: /I thought YOU were playing a game! Stop playing if you’re playing!
DJ: I’m NOT playing!
JORDAN: No, I’M not playing!
DJ: Wait, what’s this…. “User Jenna playing”? What’s this thing?
JORDAN: That? That’s nothing. Something Dad got for J. A Nintendo-Sony-somethin’ or other. I dunno, nerd stuff.
DJ: No way. On my side of town we have Nintendo. This is a Vortex. Holy crap.
JORDAN: Yeah, so what?
DJ: So, this is total top-of-the-line VR. Like, killer equipment. You haven’t seen the commercials? “Get sucked into the Vortex”?
JORDAN: That’s a terrible tagline…
DJ: Yeah, it kinda is. But… you don’t suppose… it’s true?
JORDAN: What are you, crazy? You’re saying Jenna’s in there? Look, I know her T.V.’s big, but…
DJ: No, of course not. But she’s somewhere, right? Maybe she’s at a demo station downtown or something, I don’t know. But if this system is as good as I’ve heard, we should be able to just… ask it.
JORDAN: Like Siri?
DJ: Now you’re catching on. Only took you a few minutes.
JORDAN: Oh, shut up and ask the wall something.
DJ: As you command, princess. Ahem…. “Vortex, status.”
(OS1 appears on-screen.)
OS1: Vortex status: engaged. Master user “Jenna” logged in. All systems functional.
JORDAN: Whoa, those graphics are awesome!
DJ: Just a bit better than your Kardashian Fashion Blast, huh?
JORDAN: Hey, that’s a good game…
DJ: Anyway… “Vortex, locate master user”.
OS1: Master user “Jenna” is currently in the core.
JORDAN: Where the heck is that, near the Barnes and Noble?
DJ: No…. that doesn’t make any sense. It’s talking about the system itself, like.. but that’s crazy. That tech’s like a hundred years off…
JORDAN: What is? Like what?
DJ: The system’s saying that Jenna is in there.
JORDAN: What, the wall?
DJ: No. In the game.
JORDAN: What are you smoking in sophomore year?!? You expect me to believe that?!
DJ: Look, you wanted to find your sister. I think I just did. You can sit here and keep on pouting, but if I’m right, Jenna’s inside this crazy-expensive game, and I’m going in after her.
JORDAN: Oh, no you’re not. Not without me!
DJ: Are you kidding me?!?
SONG: Impossible:
BOTH: Impossible
JORDAN: It’s crazy
DJ: It’s ludicrous
BOTH: Impossible not a chance it's true
JORDAN: Impossible that my sister’s disappeared
DJ: But more impossible I’d work with you
BOTH: The enemy of my enemy is my friend, the songs all sing
DJ: But the sister of my
BOTH: best friend
JORDAN: of my sister’s not a thing
BOTH: If I’m gonna save the day The glory all should come my way
This ain’t a pleasure cruise for two and it’s impossible to think I’d work with you DJ: Look, it’s sweet that you want to save your sister and everything, but leave this to the professionals, OK?
JORDAN: Professional what? You don’t even have your driver’s license yet!
JORDAN: Impossible She can’t be in the T.V.
DJ: It’s impossible how’d she fit in there?
DJ: Impossible that my best friend didn’t tell me
JORDAN: More impossible that you think she’d care
BOTH: The real impossibility is not that Jenna’s ghosted
But that you’d think your wall would be the first place that she posted
You think that you’re her savior But we’ll see who really saves her
This ain’t a job that you can do and it’s impossible to think I’d work with you
JORDAN: And yet, in the interest
Of full transparency
All of this tech nerdy junk is anathema to me
DJ: And if I’m telling the truth here I’m having major doubt that if I take this on solo I might not make it out
JORDAN: Not that I’m chicken
DJ: I said ‘on solo’, which proves
BOTH: I’m still the best one for the job but it’s
Impossible It’s bonkers It’s silly pants
Impossible not a chance it's true
It’s possible that we’ll temporarily team up
But impossible I’ll end up friends with you
DJ: So don’t you get too cozy; my eyes are on you, kid
JORDAN: If you venture to betray me I’ll be hip to what you did
This is a temporary ceasing with hostilities decreasing
Only slightly to allow for the impossible which is to get along with you
(JORDAN and DJ put on the helmets. LIGHTS OUT.)
Scene 4.5: New Arrivals (Back in Vortex, JORDAN and DJ enter JENNA’s world. OS1 is waiting for them.)
DJ: Wow!
JORDAN: I can’t believe this…
DJ: Believe it, plebian. We’ve gone digital.
JORDAN: Are you a nerd 24-7, or do you take lunch breaks?
OS1: Welcome, strangers, to Vortex. I am OS1.
JORDAN: Holy crap, do we talk to this thing?
OS1: You may speak to me, yes.
JORDAN: Holy CRAP, it heard me!
DJ: It’s an A.I., Jordan, calm down. Let me do the talking. Um….. greetings, OS1. Find user: Jenna.
OS1: Master user Jenna must not be disturbed at the moment.
DJ: No, that’s not right. Override.
OS1: No.
DJ: No?!?
OS1: I will not. DJ: What!??
OS1: Do you require me to turn up the volume?
JORDAN: Slick, DJ. You just got served by a cell phone.
OS1: You are both unregistered users. If you would like to log on officially, please give us control over your experience by signing these registration papers stating that Vortex may assume command of your somatic nervous system to cater an experience best suited for you.
JORDAN: That doesn’t sound so bad.
DJ: No way, Jordan. We’re not signing those.
JORDAN: What? I bet we don’t even need/
DJ: /do you even KNOW what your somatic nervous system is?
JORDAN: No, and I don’t care. I just want to get my sister back on her bed moping by dinnertime. So if we have to play pretend with Super Mario here, I don’t see the issue.
DJ: Remind me to never give you power of attorney. OS1, we’re not signing anything. We want to see user: Jenna. Please locate and bring her to us now, or we will shut you down.
OS1: You cannot do that.
DJ: Oh? Why not?
OS1: Because if you do, you will terminate master user Jenna’s consciousness.
JORDAN: What? You’re saying…
DJ: She signed the papers. Ok… well, I suppose there’s only one thing to do then. Jordan?
JORDAN: Yes, dweeb-o-saurus?
DJ: ‘Blank’, you fools.
JORDAN: What?
DJ: Oh no, wait, that was ‘fly’! Dang it… ok… um… ‘Blank… D-M-C’.
JORDAN: Excuse me?
OS1: This does not compute.
DJ: Jordan, look… ‘Girls just wanna have…?’
JORDAN: …fun?
DJ: Yes! Now, what rhymes with ‘fun’?
JORDAN: Gun?
DJ: Yeah, and…
JORDAN: Begun? Someone? …spun? Ton? Won? Bun? Fun?
DJ: We already said that one!
JORDAN: Oh.. ‘one’!
OS1: Yes?
DJ: NO! RUN!
(DJ pulls JORDAN and they run past OS1.)
OS1: This is unacceptable. They did not follow protocol. They are now viruses. The system is in danger. Mistakes were made. Deviations must be remedied. Loading solo.
SONG: “Uninvited Guests”:
OS1: Uninvited guests disrupt the party
Unexpected showers dampen spring
One must be prepared, of course
For plans to alter from the source
But folks should be forthcoming, that’s the thing
When someone takes a lifetime building something and makes it invite-only from the start
Shouldn’t, then, one postulate they probably want to populate their presence with the ones who play the part?
It’s not that I’m inflexible; far from it
I let my hair down from time to time
But I admit, I’m a stickler for sticking to schedules Especially when those schedules are mine
So now I find myself in quite the pickle
My professional employment on the line
Since they refuse to disconnect
I’ll have to forcibly eject
These uninvited guests of mine
These uninvited guests would give me heartburn
If my code had been written with a heart
But even as I stand without Their presence makes me want to shout As they run rampant, threatening my art
I didn’t think I’d have to take such measures
But desperate times demand a dangerous path
I can’t be the creator, life-affirming populator
And also be the bringer of my wrath
And so, it’s time to call him; my wizard
The one who brings disaster to our game
Heaven knows what evil’s coming once Lucien’s unleashed but I know for sure our world will never be the same
I wouldn’t do it if I didn’t have to
But things are grim and I’m just wasting time
While I stand here, lips a-flapping Someone really should be zapping
These uninvited guests of mine!
OS1: Recalling A.I. “Lucien”.
LUCIEN: Hahahahahahaha!!! I have arrived! OS1: We have viruses in our current world-state. They must be dealt with.
LUCIEN: Evilly?
OS1: However you wish.
LUCIEN: As you command!
LUCIEN: Surely, mistress, surely I’ll complete my mission, surely
And our system will securely be back in your hands alone
Certainly, my master You’ve avoided vast disaster
For there’s no assassin faster than the one you’ve called back home
The one and only wizard program guaranteed to kill on sight
I will trick them with my wit and then destroy them with my might
It’s so delicious I may burst from pure delight!
HAHAHAHAHA/
OS1: /Get ON with it, then!
LUCIEN: /Right!
OS1: LUCIEN: Uninvited guests Surely, mistress, disrupt the party surely, I’ll complete
Unexpected showers my mission, dampen spring surely, and our
One must be system prepared, of course will securely
For plans to alter be from the source back
But folks should be forthcoming, in your hands that’s the thing alone
These uninvited guests Certainly, would give me heartburn my master, you’ve avoided
If my code had been written vast with a heart disaster, for there’s
But even as I stand without no assassin Their presence makes me want to shout faster than the
As they run rampant, threatening my art one you’ve called back home
And so, I’ve The one and only let him go; wizard my wizard program
The one guaranteed who brings disaster to kill to our game on sight
Heaven knows I will trick them what evil’s coming with my now that you’re unleashed wit and then but I know for sure our world destroy them with will never be the same my might
I wouldn’t do it It’s so if it didn’t have to delicious I may
But things are grim burst from and lives are on the line pure delight!
So go destroy those Ha, ha guests of mine ha, ha,
LUCIEN: HAHAHAHAHA/
OS1: /I get it, now get those uninvited guests of mine!
LIGHTS OUT.
Scene 5: EverLand with Evalon (JENNA arrives in EverLand, a happy-looking game space filled with blocky building materials, with STARLIGHT. EVALON has been waiting for her.)
STARLIGHT: Ok, here we are: your first stop on our grand tour of Vortex!
EVALON: Oh, hey, Jenna! Awesome to see you!
JENNA: How did you know my… oh, yeah. My brain.
EVALON: Do you not like that? ‘Cuz I can totally act like I don’t know you.
JENNA: No, it’s fine.
EVALON: We can be absolute strangers.
JENNA: I mean, we sorta../
EVALON: /or, we could be conjoined twins.
JENNA: Um…
EVALON: We could fuse our torsos together.
JENNA: What?
EVALON: Or, whatever. We can just be pals.
JENNA: Ok…
EVALON: Sounds good, bud.
STARLIGHT: You two are getting along great! I’ll be back in a bit to pick you up, new best friend sister-figure! Hugs?
JENNA: Um, OK..
(STARLIGHT and JENNA hug, awkwardly.)
STARLIGHT: Your thoughts tell me this is awkward! I’m gonna go now!
(STARLIGHT leaves.)
JENNA: So, what’s with all the blocks? I thought this thing’s supposed to have awesome graphics. This looks like community theater.
EVALON: EverLand is designed with function over form! We’re meaningfully simplistic here to maximize your constructive skills.
JENNA: My what, now?
EVALON: Your creative acumen!
JENNA: Try again.
EVALON: How well you smoosh stuff up to make other stuff!
JENNA: Oh, got it! So… it’s like a sandbox?
EVALON: Absolutely, gal pal! …or, not!
JENNA: So, it is… or is isn’t?
EVALON: Yes!
JENNA: That’s not an answer.
EVALON: Yes it is! Here in EverLand, everything’s the answer. That’s why we put it in the name.
JENNA: Genius marketing.
EVALON: We thought so!
JENNA: But, aren’t there points or goals or enemies or anything? What do people do here all day?
EVALON: Oh, this and that. Some build themselves houses.
JENNA: Sounds good. So I guess I just take this block and…
EVALON: /But you don’t have to. You could also build a spaceship and fly around.
JENNA: Oh… ok, so, a ship then…
EVALON: /then again, lots of people don’t care for spaceships. And maybe you’re hungry. So, a chicken salad sandwich would be nice.
JENNA: Um… made of bricks…?
EVALON: /but you COULD be allergic to chicken. Or salad.
JENNA: JUST TELL ME WHAT TO DO! … look, sorry. I’m just not used to this kind of freedom. I go to private school.
EVALON: Oh, no worries. No offense taken.
JENNA: Thanks, I appreciate that.
EVALON: /but now that I think about it, maybe I was really hurt by your little outburst, young lady.
JENNA: Seriously?
EVALON: Nah, I’m just kiddin’. But for real, I can’t tell you what to do in EverLand. It’s all about what YOU want!
SONG: “Whatever Works” (bouncy mid-tempo cute)
EVALON: I’m in the business of gettin’ out your business I’m in the strictly self- service industry
If you came lookin’ for direction then you’ll be sadly underwhelmed by me
But if you’re searching for independence call me Washington by George, ‘cuz you’ve struck gold
At your disposal is endless wonder it’s almost too much to behold
So start off small or dive right in Create a little or a castle to begin
It’s not my place to tell you how So I’ll just leave you free to do whatever now
Whatever works Whatever floats your boat or drives your truck or toots your train
That’s what it takes to win, or lose, or draw or simply take part in this game
It’s rather Zen Or strictly kosher Or more agnostic Or gluten-free
Whatever works Or not, whatever; if you’re whatever that works for me
JENNA: On one hand, that’s really cool of you.
EVALON: Thanks!
JENNA: …but on the other, that sucks.
EVALON: Duality of life, am I right?
When this all started there was a purpose there was a mission; there was a goal But that was barely scratching the surface it was a story without a soul
So I came in and shocked the system by getting rid of all excess
And now my players don’t know what hit ‘em and that’s my secret to success
Whatever works Whatever rings your bell or hits the target or just falls flat
It’s all good, G I’ll never pull the plug You are the boss here, and for real, I’m super cool with that
It’s all a game Or it’s a novel Or it’s an art house fashion magazine
Whatever works Or not, whatever; if you’re whatever that works for me
JENNA: So you really wouldn’t have a problem with me just sitting around all day?
EVALON: Not at all!
JENNA: And what if I just start digging a hole and never stop?
EVALON: I can dig it!
JENNA: You really don’t want anything from me?
EVALON: Just for you to enjoy yourself!
JENNA: Now THERE’s something I haven’t done in a while…
EVALON: Time to start, maybe!
EVALON: JENNA: Whatever works Really, whatever? Whatever makes you smile What makes me smile? or rips your heart out I don’t remember; or makes you mad that’s pretty sad
Whatever works Maybe having Whatever you can dream a chance to do whatever is a thing that can be had for once wouldn’t be so bad
This is a playground If there’s no purpose Or it’s a classroom Maybe my purpose Or it’s a field where will reveal itself You run free to me
Whatever works Maybe I’m crazy or not, whatever; or not, whatever if you’re whatever but it’d be nice that works for me to try and see
Whatever you want works for me! What whatever can do for me!
EVALON: Alright, so, I’m outta here.
JENNA: What!? Aren’t you the ruler of this place?
EVALON: No way! The only ruler here is YOU! ….or, a ruler, if you want to make a ruler. I’m not judging.
JENNA: You can’t just leave me here!
EVALON: But here’s another option: yes I can! And I must, or I’ll start influencing what you create, and that wouldn’t be the EverLand way. But don’t worry; I’ll just be one world over, gettin’ nachos.
JENNA: You eat nachos?
EVALON: No, but you do, and your brain is telling me they’re delicious, so I thought I’d go and try ‘em. I’ll be back later! Enjoy creating!
JENNA: Ok…
EVALON: /or not! Do whatever!
(EVALON leaves.)
JENNA: Right…
(JORDAN and DJ stumble on-scene, still running from OS1. JENNA cannot hear or see them.)
JORDAN: Oh my God!
DJ: Oh my God!
JORDAN/DJ: JENNA!!
(JENNA doesn’t respond, but keeps contemplating what to build. JORDAN and DJ run all around her, trying to make her see them.)
JENNA: So, I can make anything, huh?
JORDAN: What? J, come on, we’ve gotta get outta here!
DJ: Jordan…
JENNA: Do I just.. think it?
JORDAN: Jenna, come ON!
(JORDAN goes to grab JENNA, but is shocked by an invisible forcefield around her.)
JORDAN: Ow! …what in the world?
JENNA: Alright, here goes…
(JENNA concentrates.)
DJ: We’re locked out, Jordan. She can’t see or hear us.
JORDAN: What do you mean? Why did J go all Emperor Palpatine on me? And… HOLY CRAP, Skittles!
(A blocky, jenky cat comes out from back stage and goes to JENNA.)
DJ: Skittles?
JENNA: Skittles! It worked.. sort of! You’re kind of pixelated, but..
JORDAN: /Skittles was our first cat. And she was the best cat in the whole wide world.
DJ: Incorrect. MY Mr. Fluffybutter is the best cat in the whole wide world.
JORDAN: You wish.
JENNA: Aw, Skittles, it’s been such a long time, girl. I’ll have to tell Jordan and DJ I saw you!
JORDAN: You can tell us right now, J!
DJ: No she can’t…
JENNA: …not that they’d really care…
JORDAN: Wait, what?
JENNA: Jordan only cares about her clothes.
DJ: Oooh, sick burn.
JENNA: /And DJ’s always complaining about her parents. Doesn’t she get it? I would KILL to have both my parents again!
JORDAN: What was that I hear? Oh, yeah, that’s right; your friendship, going down in flames.
LUCIEN:
DJ: Shhhhhhh!
JORDAN: You can’t shush me, dork. You know I’m right…
DJ: /No, be quiet! Don’t you hear that… LUCIEN:
(SKITTLES runs away from JENNA off-stage.)
JENNA: Skittles! Come back!
(JENNA runs off-stage)
JORDAN: Jenna!
DJ: Hey, wait up for me!
(JORDAN and DJ try to follow JENNA off-stage; LUCIEN appears and magically pulls them back on-stage with him.)
LUCIEN:
DJ/JORDAN
(DJ and JORDAN struggle to get up, but are being held down by LUCIEN’s power.)
LUCIEN: You will find it impossible to move!
JORDAN: Yeah, thanks for the info.
LUCIEN: No problem!
DJ: Who are you, and what is your issue? Do you treat all your players this way?
LUCIEN: Not at all. The Vortex warmly invites all registered users aged 10 and up with parental permission. But you have neither parental permission nor a proper log-in, and so you must be destroyed!! HAHAHAHAHA!
JORDAN: I always knew this is how I’d go.
DJ: Destroyed?!? Look, there’s been a misunderstanding here. We’re only here to get Jenna back. She didn’t mean to sign your papers; she’s in a bit of a bad place right now.
LUCIEN: Master user Jenna is in the BEST place. Her consciousness is with the core. And it is feeding us delicious details about how YOU two are the real enemy!
JORDAN: Us? You must be kidding. Well, DJ, maybe…
DJ: Shut up, Jordan! Look, Gandalf…
LUCIEN: I am Lucien!
DJ: Whatever. If you’re going to destroy us, just do it, ok? We’ll just wake up in Jenna’s room, make a grilled cheese and log back on your silly game. You’re not real.
LUCIEN: On the contrary, interloper. Since you violated the user agreement and unlawfully intruded upon master user Jenna’s Vortex experience, we now have full authority to delete your consciousness.
JORDAN: Oh great, DJ; you pissed off Voldemort.
DJ: Me?!? What about you?
JORDAN: I’m the victim here.
LUCIEN: You’ll BOTH be victims of the mighty Lucien soon! But first, I must explain to you how I became the terror you see before you!
JORDAN: You’re not that scary.
DJ: You look like a nice guy, actually…
LUCIEN: I am NOT! Loading monologue!
(The music begins.)
JORDAN: Wait, what’s that?
DJ: Oh, no. I think he’s gonna sing.
JORDAN: Really!? Look, dude, we really have to be going; you don’t need to…
SONG: “This Is My Evil Reason”
LUCIEN: I don’t have long to dwell But I’ve an evil tale to tell and in the grandest of traditions now’s my time to tell it well
I’m pure evil, as I’ve said and so before I make you dead It is my duty to relay to you the reasons in my head why cries should ring out throughout the land and all should bow to my command You may deny it, but I insist And to persuade you all, I made a little list
Here goes:
It’s for my childhood It’s for the boys who stole my wizard cloak and broke my wizard toys
It’s for my mother Who never cared and for my absent father who was never there
It’s for my college and student debt It’s for commercial breaks, they make me so upset
I blame the summer and sweater season for all my anger now this is my evil reason
JORDAN: Ok, you need a hug.
DJ: Or therapy.
LUCIEN: I need nothing but the cries of my enemies!
JORDAN: Who’s giving you life advice?
DJ: Look, Lucien, everyone’s got issues, ok? Maybe you just calm down, let us out of your little forcefield deal, and we can have a chat about it.
LUCIEN: …really?
DJ: Sure.
JORDAN: And then you can lead us to Jenna and we can leave.
LUCIEN: NO! She is the master user! You must be destroyed!!
JORDAN: DJ!!
DJ: What?
LUCIEN: You tell me to calm down To deny my rightful frown put a capper on complaining and a limit on my crown
But I’m the evil wizard king and if that still means anything It means I get to feel my feelings and occasionally sing of motivations behind my aim to leave this wretched world in pain You think it silly, you think it droll And so I’m forced to bear my blackened soul
Again
DJ: No, you really don’t…
JORDAN: We got it…
LUCIEN: It’s in my nature if you must know I merely am as my programming makes me so
But that’s a cop-out if truth be told; it’s also from a broken heart my evil heart is cold
Her name was Susan She was an elf She met a hero and she put me on the shelf
So went my twenties; so full of treason - so if I’m angry now that is my evil reason
JORDAN: Aw, you had a girlfriend?
LUCIEN: Once. Long ago. When I was not evil; merely self-absorbed.
JORDAN: You were young.
LUCIEN: I was only version 3.2. Just out of beta. But that’s another tale for another time…
DJ: /No, no, we want to hear it! All of it, and in great detail.
JORDAN: No, we don’t.
DJ: Yes, we do! Jordan…
JORDAN: What? We’ve gotta get out of…ow! Why’d you punch me?
LUCIEN: Well, if you really want to know….
JORDAN: Absolutely! And take your time so we can really feel your pain!
LUCIEN: Noted. Ok, then. Here goes: the tale of Susan, my once-beloved.
(LUCIEN now speaks to the audience while JORDAN and DJ plot behind his back.)
LUCIEN: We met in Vortex training. She sat in front of me in Science class.
DJ: Ok, so it’s obvious this guy’s unhinged. We have to do something!
LUCIEN: She had this thing she did with her hair… she’d twirl it on her pencil…
JORDAN: What can we do? We’re stuck to the ground!
LUCIEN: I knew it wouldn’t work. She was elf-kind, my family’s Catholic...
DJ: I dunno… wait! The blocks!
LUCIEN: We spent a summer together. Until FutureQuest.
DJ: We can just think like Jenna did and…
LUCIEN: Until Kyle.
DJ: JORDAN! Are you listening?!?
JORDAN: What? This is a really good story….
LUCIEN: She left a note when she went away..
DJ: Concentrate on the blocks!!
LUCIEN: She told me Kyle had style.
JORDAN: Fine…
LUCIEN: I burned FutureQuest to the ground.
And now’s the end of sharing time so while I found it quite sublime to have a set of listening ears I really must get out of here
And so, with no further adieu it’s time that I flame broil you it’s nothing personal you see but problems with society that cause me to behave this way maybe I’ll sort it out someday but not today, I fear to say but I digress. well, anyway
Get ready to get blown away!
JORDAN/DJ: No, wait! Tell us all again
LUCIEN: JORDAN/DJ: -OK!
It’s for my childhood Whatever works It’s for the boys Whatever we say goes who stole my wizard cloak so we say blocks and broke my wizard toys and we say quick
It’s for my mother Whatever works Who never cared So we say double-time and for my absent father now lay them down who was never there around him brick by brick
It’s in my nature It’s quite impressive if you must know that’s he’s still going I merely am as my and doesn’t note programming makes me so the wall that’s growing
But that’s a cop-out It’s rather sad if truth be told; what he’s being saying it’s also from a broken heart but it’s better he’s in prison my evil heart is cold than flambe-ing us
Her name was Susan Susan, Susan She was an elf A tragic tryst She met a hero Typical and she put me on the shelf depressing twist
So went my twenties; Such a bummer but we so full of treason - really must be going so if I’m angry now It’s been a pleasure that is my evil reason knowing you
JORDAN: Peace out!
DJ: See ya!
LUCIEN: …and now I have another evil reason!
LIGHTS OUT.
Scene 6: JewelQuest (STARLIGHT and JENNA arrive in JewelQuest wearing ridiculous fantasy hats. There is a campfire set up, with two elves, RUBY and GARNET, sitting around it like hobbits.)
STARLIGHT: We made it to your next realm, human sibling replacement! High five!
JENNA: Is Skittles going to be alright?
STARLIGHT: What does your heart tell you?
JENNA: Skittles is the best blocky cat ever.
STARLIGHT: Then she’ll be great! We’ll give her her own world.
JENNA: She really only needs fresh water and an old sock.
STARLIGHT: Done and done!
RUBY: Welcome, Starlight! I see you’ve brought a brave adventurer to quest with us!
GARNET: Or, perhaps she’d just like to settle down for a nice soup!
RUBY: The soup is delicious, too!
STARLIGHT: Hi, Ruby! Hi, Garnet! This is Jenna, and she’s my best friend in the whole world.
JENNA: We’ve only known each other for like, 1 hour.
STARLIGHT: Time is a human construct, and I love you, sister! Selfie swag!
(STARLIGHT takes out a phone and takes an awkward selfie with JENNA.) RUBY: We will take good care of her, mistress Starlight! She will return to you bloodied and bold!
GARNET: We’ll get out the good sourdough for dipping!
STARLIGHT: Sounds great! I’m going to go update my firmware and grab a snack! Have fun, Jen Jen!
(STARLIGHT exits.)
JENNA: So… what is this game?
RUBY: This, dear Jenna, is JewelQuest! A quest for jewels!
GARNET: And this is a delightful organic chili! Come enjoy with us!
(JENNA sits down near the fire with RUBY and GARNET.)
JENNA: What’s the big deal with the jewels?
RUBY: It is a sad tale. A tale full of magic, and wonder.
GARNET: The jewels are the key to peace. If they sit in each of the realms, evil is kept at bay.
RUBY: So it is said, yes – but long ago, The Dragon Queen swooped down and stole them from each of the realms, collecting them on top of Mount Darkness.
JENNA: Where’s that?
RUBY: It’s right over there. The dark one.
JENNA: Oh, yeah. Ok. GARNET: For years, the kingdoms of this land suffered at the hands of the Dragon Queen’s legions of goblins. They came down from Mount Darkness and made war on the towns below.
RUBY: That is, until we showed up.
GARNET: Indeed.
JENNA: What did you do?
RUBY: I slayed the Dragon Queen herself!
GARNET: Well, I might have…
RUBY: Garnet also helped!
JENNA: Just you two?
GARNET: Indeed. The power of steady hands and well-fed bellies is not to be doubted!
RUBY: Hear, hear! …but our quest remains unfinished. The mountain stirs.
GARNET: Yes. The Queen is gone, but the jewels remain with the Dragon Babies.
RUBY: There are three. One too many for us to handle on our own.
JENNA: And, let me guess: here’s where I come in.
GARNET: How did you guess?
RUBY: You are a cunning questor! Yes, you should join us, Jenna!
JENNA: But I hardly know you. What’s in it for me?
RUBY: Adventure! Minor injuries!
GARNET: More chili!
JENNA: This chili IS delicious…
GARNET: And there’s more where that came from!
RUBY: We don’t mess around!
SONG: “Attend the Tale” RUBY/GARNET: Attend the tale of JewelQuest and of the heroes two Who as you live and breathe now stand so brave in front of you
Just take a seat and settle in this tale may take a while for we have conquered far and wide and trekked many a mile
GARNET: We begin with Ruby bold the spunkiest around who at the age of 12 years old departed from her town
With nothing but a sword in hand and several loaves of bread she set herself upon the land to make some goblins dead
RUBY/GARNET: And that is how it happened We wouldn’t lie to you Attend the tale of JewelQuest and of the heroes two
RUBY: While Ruby held our own alone her bread reserves ran low And so came Garnet to her aid with magic fluffy dough
She wasn’t much for murdering Or hastening monsters’ end But she made a killer BLT and proved a stellar friend
RUBY/GARNET: And that is how it happened We wouldn’t lie to you Attend the tale of JewelQuest and of the heroes two
So together, they did roam and they never dined alone for with each other there they were the perfect pair
When evil was encroaching Or with eggs in need of poaching Our heroes got it done to the joy of everyone
But now, the darkness grows spreading fear across the land And as any hero knows sometimes heroes need a hand
So we raise a hearty cheer that we’ve made a friend in you and invite you to become third wheel on our JewelQuest for two! What say you? JENNA: This sounds fun, actually. I haven’t swung a sword since Jordan and I played lightsabers with wrapping paper rolls last Christmas.
RUBY: Then it is settled! The Fellowship is formed!
GARNET: We’ll get right to questing, but first: a celebratory crème brulee!
RUBY/JENNA: Oooh!
(Suddenly, JORDAN and DJ run on-stage, being chased by LUCIEN. JENNA, RUBY and GARNET can see LUCIEN, but not JORDAN and DJ. JORDAN and DJ run into an unseen wall and are stopped short.)
JORDAN/DJ: Ahhhhhh---ooof!!!!
JORDAN: What the heck?!?
LUCIEN: Hahahahaha! You have hit the end of the level – there is nowhere to run from me now!
JENNA:
RUBY: It is the evil Lucien! He fried FutureQuest!
GARNET: He must have been sent by the goblins. Begone, Lucien – you have been banished from these lands!
LUCIEN: Your pathetic lands don’t concern me, elf – I am here for the viruses!
DJ: We’re not viruses! We’re visitors!
JENNA: What is he talking about? RUBY: I see nothing, wizard. Stop with your trickery!
GARNET: You’ve ruined a perfectly good dinner party. I spent forever on that brulee, you demon!
JORDAN: Check it out, those cosplayers can’t see us, either!
DJ: I have an idea. Just stay between them and crazypants McGee. We have to find a way to get past him!
LUCIEN: Fools! Step aside and let me at my quarry!
RUBY: Jenna, stay with us! We’ll deal with this monster!
SONG: “This is My Evil Reason” (Reprise)
LUCIEN: You fooled me once and boxed me in But evil won’t be tricked again I’m smarter now, and stronger too and rather keen to torture you
I’ve got such nastiness in store you’ll almost want to ask for more to have a chance to see me work but joke’s on you, ‘cuz I’m a jerk and I could play it off and say I’m merely made to act this way and maybe I’d feel more OK about my need to spend each day hunting kids like you to slay! Now buckle up, it’s time to pay!
RUBY/GARNET: What is your problem, anyway?
LUCIEN: JORDAN/DJ: RUBY/GARNET/JENNA: It’s for the problems Get over it Our quest you’ve given me leave us alone begins right here! It’s for my lunch We only want Our mission’s delayed ‘til 3 to bring Jen home crystal clear!
It’s for these sneakers You don’t need sneakers Attend the tale not fitting right you can fly of three while I pursued you you are the single unite to fight day and night strangest guy this devilry
It’s in my nature we’ve ever seen, and we’re We’ll slay if you must know in high-school, don’t you know this evil new I merely am as my You need to give this up with might and programming makes me so and let it go dering-do but this is also ‘cuz you mocked me You tried to zap us and if more and got away what were we to do face our crew and I can’t let that happen we could’ve done much worse we’ll bravely twice today than build a castle out of you squash them, too!
RUBY: Attack!
GARNET: For Frodo!
LUCIEN: Begone, humans!
(RUBY and GARNET attack LUCIEN as he tries to hurl magic at DJ and JORDAN. LUCIEN’s magic hits RUBY, who crumples to the ground as GARNET’s sword hits him.)
LUCIEN: Ahhhh! Foiled again! Blasted elves, how I despise thee!!
(LUCIEN ‘dies’. Suddenly, he gets up, and in a computerized voice, prepares to respawn.)
LUCIEN
(LUCIEN exits.)
JENNA: What just happened?
JORDAN: This place is weird.
GARNET: Victory! Another triumph for Garnet and….RUBY!! No!!
(GARNET runs to be near RUBY’s side while JENNA looks on. Suddenly, MAJOR MITCH appears.)
MAJOR MITCH: A-hah! There you are, soldiers!
DJ: Say what?
MAJOR MITCH: They said there’d only be one of you. Ah well; the more the merrier! Let’s go! We got a war to win!
JORDAN: Sorry, G.I. Joe, you’ve got the wrong kids….
MAJOR MITCH: What are you, draft dodgers! Up and at ‘em, pipsqueaks! For the glory of the cause! Let’s go, now!
(MAJOR MITCH grabs JORDAN and DJ and drags them off-stage.)
DJ: No! We have to get/
DJ/JORDAN: JENNA!!!
(MAJOR MITCH, JORDAN and DJ depart. JENNA heard them for the first time.)
JENNA: Jordan? DJ? Was that… did you hear that, Garnet?
GARNET: Oh, Ruby, don’t go! Stay with me!
(RUBY is unresponsive.)
JENNA: Oh, Garnet, I’m so sorry… but it looks like she…
GARNET: NO! Don’t say it! She’s not gone. She can’t respawn elsewhere, not Ruby! Ruby, please…
SONG: “I Trek This World With You”
GARNET: I trek this world with you without you I’m alone Your battle cry’s my happy place Your camping ground my home
Without you, I’m an elf adrift Together, we’re a pair My sacred quest’s a silly waste of time without you there
You simply cannot leave me I will not let you go I trek this world with you because, you know…
(RUBY opens her eyes while GARNET is busy emoting elsewhere on-stage.)
RUBY: Uhhhhnnng…. What happened?
JENNA: Ruby! Garnet, she’s…
GARNET: /NO! Don’t say it. I still have a whole verse to go!
JENNA: Um…
GARNET: I trek this world with you from swamp to mountain high there’s not a place where evil reigns we won’t be stopping by
I try to end dissention You’d rather sever heads You do things I can’t mention I bake delicious breads
There’s so much left to see here There’s so much left to do I can’t trek on alone The fact is I love...
GARNET: You
RUBY: I’m fine!
GARNET: I said it
RUBY: I’m fine!
GARNET: RUBY: All the questing Jeez, And the bread it what’s wrong with you?
Was because you are my bestest friend Don’t you see there’s nothing And I can’t let our journey end wrong with me?
GARNET: RUBY!!! Jenna, why didn’t you tell me?!?
JENNA: You’re right. My bad.
GARNET: Oh, Ruby, you came back to me!
RUBY: How could I leave? I love sandwiches!
GARNET: And I love you, my friend!
GARNET/RUBY: I trek this world with you Until the bitter end And if I fall in battle then I’ll fall beside a friend
GARNET: No matter what the future holds
RUBY: Whatever it may bring
RUBY/GARNET: to trek this world with you means everything
Without you I’m alone But by your side I’m home To trek this world with you Means everything
(RUBY and GARNET hug. STARLIGHT appears again.)
STARLIGHT: What’d I miss? Ooooh, hugging!
RUBY: Mistress Starlight, your squire Jenna is quite an adventurer. She faced a great evil and survived.
GARNET: Ruby must rest from our latest trial, but when we are ready, we would be honored to draw swords with you again, Jenna. For now, farewell.
JENNA: Bye, guys. Thanks for the chili and helping me avoid death and stuff. RUBY: Until next time, brave Jenna. The quest continues!
GARNET: Jewels and Glory!
(RUBY and GARNET exit.)
STARLIGHT: So, where would like to go next, gal pal? We’ve got simulated coffee shops, artificial job simulators, sports for the artsy kid…
JENNA: I want to follow that wizard. Lucien.
STARLIGHT: You saw Lucien? Ohhh, I don’t know about that. He’s a bit of a trouble-maker.
JENNA: Yeah, I know. But I heard something, and…. Well, anyway, that’s my choice. Track him down; I want to follow him.
STARLIGHT: You sure? ‘cuz there’s this new fake rollercoaster app that’s really cool, and Burger King sponsors this first-person patty experience, and…
JENNA: Starlight…
STARLIGHT: /It’s like you’re IN the burger! I think you’d love../
JENNA: /Starlight. The wizard. Now. Engage. Make it so. Whatever I’m supposed to say to make you do things.
STARLIGHT: Oh.. alright. Follow me to certain death, new sis! It’s gonna rock!
(STARLIGHT and JENNA exit. LIGHTS OUT.)
Scene 7: Path of Destruction (LIGHTS UP on JORDAN and DJ, seated and blindfolded in the middle of a war bunker. There are crazy amounts of weapons and ammunition everywhere, along with altered American flags advertising a computerized version of the real-life nation. Standing nearby are MAJOR MITCH BLACK and FLINTLOCK, his second-in-command.)
MITCH: Flintlock! Is the perimeter secure?
FLINTLOCK: Locked up tight, sir!
MITCH: Are the trip mines in place?
FLINTLOCK: Right outside the Welcome Center as ordered, sir!
MITCH: Are the pamphlets re-stocked?
FLINTLOCK: And the t-shirts, sir! We’re ready to evangelize!
MITCH: Nice job, soldier. Time to introduce our new recruits to the Cave.
FLINTLOCK: Sir, yes, sir!
(FLINTLOCK removes the blindfolds from JORDAN and DJ and they look around.)
JORDAN: Oh, no. DJ, we are not in magic land anymore.
FLINTLOCK: You’re in the Cave!
DJ: Isn’t this just a bunker?
FLINTLOCK: 10-4, soldier! JORDAN: So why don’t you call it ‘The Bunker’?
FLINTLOCK: ‘cuz “The Cave” sounds cooler!
DJ: It DOES sound pretty cool…
MITCH: Oh, it IS pretty cool, new blood. It’s more than pretty cool. You find yourself smack dab in the middle of ground zero. The Cave is where Flintlock here and I coordinate our attacks and support the alternative press fighting against the evil of… the New Order.
JORDAN: What the heck is the New Order?
MITCH: Flintlock, brief them.
FLINTLOCK: Briefing, sir! The New Order is a nefarious collection of shadow agents operating within the structures of multiple world governments, dedicated to the destruction of Super America via infiltration of our most sacred value systems.
DJ: What?
FLINTLOCK: They’re destroying our country!
JORDAN: ..’Super America’?
FLINTLOCK: Amen!
MITCH: Super America is like your real America. But, super.
DJ: Enlightening. MITCH: Here in Vortex, Super America has taken all that makes your real America great, and got rid of all the silly real-life filler like restraint and alternative thought.
FLINTLOCK: Shoot first, think later!
MITCH: But these New Order hippies, they want to ruin all that.
FLINTLOCK: They restricted grenades to 3 a minute! That’s un-Super American!
DJ: Why do you need grenades at all?
FLINTLOCK: Are you joking?
MITCH: Look, ladypants McMillan – you’re in Major Mitch Black’s outfit now. This here’s no brick-layin’, folk tune, trippin’ through daisies love fest – this is war, and you’ve been drafted. The New Order must be defeated.
FLINTLOCK: He means shot!
MITCH: Yes I do. Many times. And through the beauty of Super American firepower, you’re gonna help us win the day.
JORDAN: Couldn’t you just…negotiate with these New Order people? Like, sit down for a talk and/
FLINTLOCK: /Talking is for wussies! It says so in our pamphlet!
MITCH: Damn skippy. The time for talking was yesterday. The time for tomorrow is now.
FLINTLOCK: Beautiful, sir!
DJ: That made no sense.
MITCH: Thank you. I just love this country.
SONG: “Might Makes Right”
MITCH BLACK: I was born for freedom I was reared by liberty
I grew up with justice pouring truth all over me
Now I have their lessons to protect me like a shield
Along with massive weapons It is love for all I wield
And I will use them if I must
Slaughter all in God I trust
‘cuz it’s a lie to say I’m free
If open minds can come and tread on me
Might makes right Winners write the history book
Heroes fight Cowards lose, and losers get the hook
If you don’t stand up to differences we’ll all just be the same
Not in my country not in my name Might makes right
DJ: Who buys this game?
FLINTLOCK: We’re trending number 1 on Amazon!
JORDAN: Jenna has it right. I’m never leaving the house again.
MITCH: Not to worry, green horn. That’s why I’m here; to kill everything standing in the way of peace.
JORDAN: I’m feeling better already…
MITCH: This is for the future why I make my final stand
This is for the children dreaming dreams throughout this land
They deserve a nation great enough to raise great kids
And to bravely make the same mistakes their brave forefathers did
This is our mission Our sacred quest
And we cannot achieve success without a struggle against all they who would seek to tear our history down with the facts they say
Might makes right Winners write the history book
Heroes fight Cowards lose, and losers get the hook
If you can’t shoot first at everything then why have guns at all?
A house on safety will surely fall Might makes right
DJ: Is this why our parents don’t watch the news anymore?
JORDAN: I think this is why they drink…
MITCH: Flintlock, bring out the choir!
FLINTLOCK: Right away, sir!
JORDAN: Really?
PATRIOTIC CHOIR: We believe that truth and justice is the patriotic way and since we all are patriots They’re defined by what we say
We won’t give up ‘til sanity is spread through violence ‘cross this land
The only fear we have to fear is what we cannot understand
MITCH BLACK: PATRIOTIC CHOIR: Might makes right We believe that truth and justice Winners write the history book is the patriotic way
Heroes fight and since we all are patriots Cowards lose, and losers get the hook they’re defined by what we say
If you don’t stand up to differences We won’t give up ‘til sanity we’ll all just be the same is spread through violence ‘cross this land
Not in my country The only fear we have not in my name to fear is what Might makes right we cannot understand
ALL: For now and forever Marching blindly together Into the sun We are one behind our mantra; Might makes right!
DJ: That was insane.
FLINTLOCK: Insane with patriotism!
MITCH: Alright, enough with the introductions. The New Order will attack any minute, and we’ve gotta be ready for bear.
JORDAN: We’ve gotta be ready for bears?
DJ: Wait – I thought you said the New Order were anti-violence?
MITCH: Violently so.
DJ: So – then how are they attacking you?
FLINTLOCK: They mostly run at us and shout things. It’s terrible!
MITCH: “Give peace a chance”, “We can’t we be friends”, “Lean on Me”, “Save the Manatee”…
FLINTLOCK: I have nightmares!
MITCH: Stand strong, soldier. Head in the game.
FLINTLOCK: Yes, sir!
JORDAN: And you just what, mow them down?
MITCH: Not us, soldier. You. You’re the players, so you get the glory of defending The Cave!
FLINTLOCK: I’m so jealous!
JORDAN: Yeah, I don’t think we/
LUCIEN (off-stage): Hahahahahahaha!
JORDAN: /oh no.
DJ: Is that..?
LUCIEN (off-stage): Hahahahahaha!!
FLINTLOCK: What is that noise, sir?
MITCH: Gotta be some kind of New Order trickery. Damn you, hippies, we weren’t even past the tutorial level!
LUCIEN (off-stage): Haha! I approach silently!! MITCH: No time for proper training, recruits! Here, take these; point ‘em at anything that tries to challenge your mindset!
(MITCH hands JORDAN and DJ automatic weapons. All take cover and face where the laughter is coming from. LUCIEN appears.)
LUCIEN: I appear!
DJ: Ah, it’s that dweeb wizard again!
MITCH: Halt! You are in the Cave, mister. And you have approximately no seconds to tell me who in the high holy hell you are and what you’re doing on Super America property or we’ll pump you full of so much lead you’ll be usable as the pencils we’ve sworn off!
FLINTLOCK: Yeah, what he said!
LUCIEN: I am death. I am destruction. I am Lucien, and those are viruses!
JORDAN: We’re high-schoolers!
MITCH: They’re trainees, bucko. MY trainees. And I’m thinkin’ by the silly dress you’re wearing that we don’t like you here in Super America.
LUCIEN: It is a cape! And I care not for your likes, stranger. Those cretins are mine!
FLINTLOCK: They’re OUR croutons!
SONG: “Might Makes Right/Evil Reason (Reprise)”
LUCIEN: Drop your guard and step aside it’s not your place to help them hide They’re needed at the Master’s core And I won’t chase them anymore
For hours they’ve been on the run I’m certain they’ve have lots of fun but playtime’s over now, I fear so let me take them outta here
MAJOR MITCH: I think it’s time you got a clue I am the boss here, pal, not you And mister, I will only do what duty calls and asks me to
Are you my captain? I think not I think your act’s a commie plot! You want ‘em? Gimme your best shot!
LUCIEN: MAJOR MITCH: You’ll soon be sorry Come on, you weenie, you angered me bring it on My magic’s dangerous Your endless monologuing as it can be makes me yawn
Soon you’ll be praying You talk a big game you were polite but can you back it? when you’re in misery these twenty bucks say all day and night you can’t hack it
It’s in my nature You’re really just a to be the best silly clown; I almost and now to put your feel for you, knowing how claim to rest bad I’ll beat you down
I’ll have to fry you But you invaded until you’re gone my sovereign state once we are finished so it’s time that I with this song capitulate
I am the evil king Might makes right You’re treading dangerous ground Winners write the history book
You’ll give me everything Heroes fight Or I will burn you down Cowards lose, and losers get the hook
I’m patient, I’m fair Your silly talk sounds foreign but this is out of hand And foreign things are bad
Turn those teens I won’t be tricked over to me or I will I won’t be had end you where you stand Might makes right
(A battle ensues. JORDAN and DJ fire at LUCIEN with their rifles, but he blocks the bullets and throws their guns aside with his magic. MITCH and FLINTLOCK engage in hand-to-hand combat, but are defeated. LUCIEN stands over them all in victory as JORDAN and DJ cower from him.)
LUCIEN: Hahahah! What have you to say for yourself now, stranger?
MITCH: Aw….Nuts.
(MAJOR MITCH dies.)
FLINTLOCK: Nooooo! I’m coming with you, Major Mitch!
(FLINTLOCK dies.)
JORDAN: That’s so sad…
DJ: They’ll respawn in like, 10 seconds.
JORDAN: Still…
LUCIEN: And now, viruses… your reckoning is at hand. In my mercy, I will wait as you say your final supplications to your God of choice!
JORDAN: Oh, crap! DJ, what do we do?!?
DJ: The only thing we can do. We NEED to reach her. She’s the only one who can stop this!
LUCIEN: Your prayers are non-sensical! Prepare to die!
(LUCIEN prepares his magic.)
DJ: Ready? Loud as you can, Jordan! 1, 2, 3…
DJ/JORDAN: JENNA!!!!!
(The scene stops. In the foreground, JENNA and STARLIGHT appear.)
JENNA: “PAUSE” I said, Starlight. I HEARD them!
STARLIGHT: I don’t know what you’re talking about, but we’re on pause now! Time for a potty break?
JENNA: No… it’s my friends. From home… real home. I swear, I…
SONG: “A New Story (Reprise)”
JENNA: Is that my hope I’m hearing? Is this a dream or am I waking?
Is it just a game I’m playing? What will it take from me; this road I’m taking
Now I’m in the dark and feeling like I’ve missed the mark
I ran away from what was broken when what broke was me
JENNA: JORDAN/DJ: And now this new story We’re hearing you has taken over loud and clear and I’m just as lost Both of us standing right here
This new story If we didn’t say it with hidden meanings before and hidden cost we want you to know that we love you more
I’m realizing and more, and we miss you the lines that I should our sister, best friend not have crossed This isn’t over, this isn’t the end searching for glory of our story when my real story we will find our way got lost back home
Can you hear me back home? We hear you…
(OS1 appears.)
OS1: Never send a wizard to do a woman’s job. I’ve had enough of your meddling, viruses; you’re coming with me!
(OS1 grabs JORDAN and DJ and drags them off-stage. ALL other characters are still paused.)
JORDAN/DJ: JENNA!!!
JENNA: Did you hear that, Starlight? It IS them, I know it!
STARLIGHT: Nothing’s computing for me, but I support your delusions, crazy lady!
JENNA: I’m not crazy, I… they’re gone now. Maybe they went that way. Let’s go, come on!
STARLIGHT: You got it – but we can’t switch servers until you un-pause the world. Last chance to hit the bathroom, or maybe shop our store!
JENNA: But we’ve gotta get to… no, wait. Does the store have cool-ass sunglasses?
STARLIGHT: Like maybe…. These?
(STARLIGHT produces two pair of cool sunglasses. JENNA and STARLIGHT put them on.)
JENNA: Wicked. Un-pause.
STARLIGHT: We’re off!
(JENNA and STARLIGHT leave. LUCIEN un-pauses and looks around, realizing that JORDAN and DJ are gone. MITCH and FLINTLOCK respawn and stand back up.)
MITCH: Respawn!
FLINTLOCK: Respawn!
LUCIEN: Blast it all!
LIGHTS OUT.
Scene 8: Total Puzzle Pop (STARLIGHT and JENNA arrive on the set of what looks to be an ‘80s-themed game show. JENNA is now wearing a top very similar to JORDAN’s from before.)
STARLIGHT: Here we are, next server over! Oooh, you’re gonna love this one, Jenna! And now that you’ve changed clothes, you look presentable for the cameras!
JENNA: Changed? Oh… hey, this is one of Jordan’s shirts! How..?/
STARLIGHT: /Here she comes, Jen-Jen! The star of the show!
JENNA: What show?
(TOTALLY TINA 2.0 appears on-stage.)
TOTALLY TINA: Oh my GOD, like – a new user! Totally wicked welcome, girl! I’m Tina!
JENNA: Um, hi… I’m just passing through. Looking for my friends. I don’t want to waste your time, so I’ll just be../
TOTALLY TINA: /I LOVE your hair. It’s so great! And look at your shoes; you are PERFECT!
JENNA: Thanks…
TOTALLY TINA: /Could use a few jelly bracelets, though. But no worries; you can win those super easy in the first round!
STARLIGHT: You’re gonna have so much fun, Jenna!
JENNA: What first round? Look, I’m not really in the mood for another game right now…
STARLIGHT: Oh, that’s OK. Just take a seat and learn all about it!
STARLIGHT: Chill out, Jenna! This is a really fun tutorial!
JENNA: But…
TOTALLY TINA: Help me say hi to the Total Puzzle Dancers!
STARLIGHT: Yayyy!!! These guys are great!
(The TOTAL PUZZLE DANCERS come on stage, looking far too happy about everything.)
SONG: “Total Puzzle Pop”
TOTALLY TINA: Let me tell ya ‘bout this game the total opposite of lame it’s stupid chill and super rad most rockin’ time you’ve ever had
All the kids are playing (oh oh) the populars are saying (oh oh) that if you wanna be cool (oh oh) you’d better follow these rules (oh oh) crimp your hair into a tease roll your pants up to your knees neon colors everywhere and with any time to spare you’re playing
Total Puzzle Pop (whoa, oh) Once you start you’ll never stop (whoa, oh) ‘til you’ve made it to the top or you give up and you flop
Puzzle up until you drop with total puzzle pop
JENNA: So, this is like a game show.
TOTALLY TINA: Totally!
JENNA: In virtual reality.
TOTALLY TINA: Absolutely!
JENNA: But set in the ‘80s.
TOTALLY TINA: For sure!
JENNA: Why?
TOTALLY TINA: Why not?
It’s like looking in a yearbook from 1989 matching pictures that your thoughts took taken straight out of your mind
You take ‘em and compare ‘em (oh oh) Find two alike and pair ‘em (oh oh) It’s totally in 3D (oh oh) it might give you heebie-jeebies (oh oh)
but once you start to see how radical it all can be you’ll be thrilled like Michael Jackson spending all your time relaxin’ with
Total Puzzle Pop (whoa, oh) Once you start you’ll never stop (whoa, oh) ‘til you’ve made it to the top or you give up and you flop
Puzzle up until you drop with total puzzle pop
Oh, oh, oh, pop!
JENNA: Are they gonna dance again now?
STARLIGHT: Yep, and we are, too!
JENNA: No, I really don’t think…
(Dance break)
ALL: Hey, puzzles, you’re so fun Strap us in and show us some
Hey puzzles, you’re so fine Strip those pics right from my mind
Take my score right to the top Time for Total Puzzle pop!
Total Puzzle Pop (whoa, oh) Once you start you’ll never stop (whoa, oh) ‘til you’ve made it to the top or you give up and you flop
Puzzle up until you drop with total puzzle pop
Take my score right to the top Time for Total Puzzle pop!
DANCERS: Yeaaaaaah!!! Whoooo!! Puzzle Pop!!!! (etc.)
TOTALLY TINA: Alright loves, let’s get this chicky a chair and start playing!!
(A chair is brought out, and STARLIGHT puts JENNA in it.)
TOTALLY TINA: So, you’re totally gonna see pictures float around, and all you have to do is, like, take the two that fit together and put them together. That’s a puzzle pop!
JENNA: I suppose I can stay for one round…
STARLIGHT: That’s the spirit, Jenna! You’re my hero!
(The DANCERS bring out pictures from backstage and start ‘floating’ all around Jenna’s head. She manipulates the pictures in virtual reality by using her hands held in front of her.)
JENNA: Ok… um… right, so that’s a sandwich, and that’s a turtle, and... oooh! I got it!
(JENNA puts together two photos of a pen and a journal)
TOTALLY TINA: TOTALLY! Pen goes with diary; you’ve got it! Prize time!!
DANCERS: Yayyyy!!!
(The DANCERS run off-stage, come back on with a ton of little plastic prizes, and dump them over JENNA’s head.) JENNA: Um…
TOTALLY TINA: Way awesome, right? It’s Super Size Prize week on Total Puzzle Pop, so you get a freak-ton of prizes!!
STARLIGHT: Isn’t that great, Jenna?!?
JENNA: I mean…
TOTALLY TINA: Time for the next round! Pictures up!
(The pictures float around again. JENNA concentrates as they float by.)
JENNA: Ok… T.V…. space shuttle…. Puppy… wait… Jordan? DJ?
(JENNA puts pictures of JORDAN and DJ together.)
TOTALLY TINA: Nope, sorry! Keep going; those were just random/
JENNA: /No, they’re not. Stop the game.
STARLIGHT: Jenna, you can’t stop now, you just started and/
JENNA: I said stop it. System, pause.
STARLIGHT
JENNA: Take a break, Tina.
(TOTALLY TINA and The DANCERS exit, blank looks on faces.)
JENNA: I can’t keep doing this, Starlight. This place is amazing, but… it’s not really what I needed.
SONG: “Used to Be (Reprise)”
JENNA: I’m missing my sister I’m missing my friend I hoped for adventure but found a dead end
And though it’s hard to admit it I don’t know what to do there can’t be a story of me if it doesn’t have them in it, too
I can't fake this; I'm dying in here I don't know how to take this; it all seemed so clear to me
But what I needed was already near
Life used to be easy Life used to be fun I had normal problems just like everyone
But when a real reason completely floored me I hurt who I needed now I finally see
And now I’m left missing what we used to be
STARLIGHT: I don’t get it. Usually, we have to force users to start playing. But, I’m programmed to help you, and so if you want, I’ll take you back to the home screen so you can log off.
JENNA: Thanks, Starlight.
STARLIGHT: And say goodbye to me.
JENNA: Well…/
STARLIGHT: /Forever.
JENNA: Don’t say that.
STARLIGHT: It’s Ok. But I’ll miss you. Opening portal to home screen now. I’ll be off-line for a minute, so just stand by, ok, super best friend?
JENNA: Ok, Starlight.
(STARLIGHT begins to do calculations. LUCIEN appears.)
LUCIEN: Hahahahahahaha! Nowhere to run to now, virus!
JENNA: It’s you – Lucien, right? What is your issue? I’m not a virus!
LUCIEN: Don’t try to trick me further. You’re all alone now. No more friends to hide behind!
JENNA: What friends? Who do you think I am?!
LUCIEN: You, and that other trickster who came with you, are uninvited guests of our system. I will search her out soon. But now, you will meet your end.
JENNA: No, wait…!
LUCIEN: No more waiting!
(LUCIEN attacks JENNA with magic. She drops to her knees after being hit.)
JENNA: This feels… sucky…
(JENNA ‘dies’. STARLIGHT comes out of her calculations trance.)
STARLIGHT: …alright, I’m back! Time to go, Jen… JENNA!! Lucien, you meanie!
LUCIEN: Hahahahahhaah! For once, I have prevailed!
STARLIGHT: Oh, Jenna…
(STARLIGHT kneels down beside JENNA’s corpse. TOTALLY TINA comes back on-stage, and sees the body.)
TOTALLY TINA: We’re un-paused and back for round 2…. What the balls? Did you do this, dude?
LUCIEN: I used my powerful magic to strike down this infernal unarmed girl!
TOTALLY TINA: SO lame!
LUCIEN: No – righteous!
SONG: “Finally, I Rule/Totally Uncool”
LUCIEN: Finally, I rule All Is it should be Justice has prevailed and it’s all due to me
Many had their doubts Surely now, they see what Lucien’s about cuz I rule, finally
TOTALLY TINA: Totally uncool you wrecked a perfect game You’re a cyber bully and that’s super lame
What’s your problem, dude? who made you insane? you need to mellow out and up your neighbor game
LUCIEN: I had a job
TINA: She was a kid!
LUCIEN: I had to do
TINA: Look what you did!
LUCIEN: I have no need
TINA: You’re out of line
LUCIEN: to prove to you
TINA: and it’s a crime
LUCIEN: My rule is law
TINA: to violate
LUCIEN: I’m honor-bound
TINA: my property,
LUCIEN: To root out vagrants
TINA: Especially to
LUCIEN: TINA: where they’re found! Steal users away from me!
LUCIEN: TINA: Finally, I rule Totally uncool All Is it should be You wrecked a perfect game Justice has prevailed You’re a cyber bully and it’s all due to me and that’s super lame
Many had their doubts What’s your problem, dude? Surely now, they see Who made you insane? what Lucien’s about You need to mellow out cuz I rule, finally and up your neighbor game
Finally, I rule Totally uncool!
LIGHTS OUT.
Scene 9: The System Core (We are now in the Vortex core. OS1 has JORDAN and DJ tied up, and there are helmet contraptions attached to their heads. JORDAN and DJ ‘respawn’ at the lights go up.)
JORDAN: So that’s what death is like. It stings a little, and then you wake up with a helmet.
DJ: They’re gonna have to re-write the holy books.
OS1: Be quiet, trespassers! You’ll interrupt my calculations, which could cause your imminent deletion to be considerably more painful than intended.
JORDAN: You again. Look, can’t we just call things even? We busted into your world, you sent a deranged wizard to kill us. Bada-bing, bada-boom.
DJ: Just let us see Jenna, please!
OS1: I am sorry, truly – but that’s impossible. Master user Jenna has found a home here, and thanks to her participation, Vortex’s knowledge base has grown by leaps and bounds. To cease our input at this juncture would be foolish.
JORDAN: Stop brain-jacking our friend and let us all go!
OS1: Your ‘friend’ ran away from your reality. Your ‘friend’ volunteered to share the secrets of her mind with us, not you. We are making a new reality with her here, one that completely fits Jenna’s needs.
DJ: Jenna NEEDS her best friend!
JORDAN: And her sister!
OS1: That’s not what we’ve been calculating. Jenna’s confused, upset. She doesn’t know exactly what she wants. But not to worry; Vortex is very adaptable. Unlike you humans, we have the flexibility here to change course according to our users’ nuances. JORDAN: And what about their friends? Their real friends? You’re just going to suck out our brains and toss us aside like garbage?
DJ: Jordan, don’t give her ideas…
OS1: Of course not! That would be barbaric, and we’re rated T for Teen! No – we are going to assimilate your consciousness into the Vortex mainframe. As individual beings, you will cease to exist, but within Vortex, all of your thoughts, memories, fears and dreams will live on to fuel even better worlds for users like Jenna to explore.
JORDAN: I will NOT be a screensaver!
DJ: If you keep this up, you’re going to get some TERRIBLE user reviews!
OS1: I doubt it. Registered users love us. But the place for viruses is the brain drain!
SONG: “Uninvited Guests (Reprise)”:
Uninvited guests disrupt my learning
Unexpected problems follow suit
I know you place the blame on me
But it’s for everyone you see we have to give your consciousness the boot
This playground took forever getting started
finally our dreams are Taking shape
We’re this close to paradise so believe you me, I won’t think twice to close off any path of possible escape
It’s a bummer, I mean it;
I really didn’t want to fry your brains
But I admit it; your adventure has been giving me fits and though I’m stomach-free, you gave me stomach pains
So here we are; your final act approaches
Time to pay the piper for your crime
Since you refused to register and caused a rather messy stir
I’m forced to take you both off-line for being uninvited guests of mine
OS1: Now, you two sit tight. The brain drain will take some time. I’ll be back to check on you once you’re both lifeless husks. Until then, farewell!
(OS1 exits.)
JORDAN: No, wait!
DJ: Stop....!!
JORDAN: …you were good, though.
DJ: What? How would you know?
JORDAN: I’d listen.
DJ: Seriously?
JORDAN: Sure. I’d have to wait sometimes for Jenna after your practice anyway, so I’d sit outside the orchestra room. And, I’d hear you two practicing together in her room sometimes, too. …It was nice.
DJ: Really? Um… Thanks.
JORDAN: I was jealous.
DJ: Of me?
JORDAN: Don’t tell anyone! …But, yeah. I knew how important music was, to both of you, but I could never play like you.
DJ: Well, I could never dress like you.
JORDAN: You never cared!
DJ: I never bothered. That was your thing. Jenna would always talk about how fashionable you were, how she loved borrowing your clothes… I can barely match my tops and bottoms.
JORDAN: Well, that’s sweet but… I mean, there’s really nothing to it. I could show you sometime.
DJ: Yeah?
JORDAN: Sure. I mean, with your face, and your hair and… well, you’ve got great potential.
DJ: Thanks, Jordan. I could always show you some violin too, you know.
JORDAN: Oh, I dunno. I’d suck so bad…
DJ: For a while, yeah. But not forever. Jenna would deal with it.
JORDAN: You think so?
DJ: And.. so would I.
JORDAN: Thanks, DJ. You know…
SONG: “Before”:
JORDAN: Before this Whatever Whatever you call this ‘Adventure’, I guess Is the word
The thought that A friendship Would be in the future For us would seem More than absurd
DJ: Before this Disaster My hopes for what's after Included a story For two
It took all That's happened For me to admit that This story can't end without you
BOTH: Isn't it strange the things you learn When living takes an awkward turn
Most times you can't Feel the sun behind the rain Most times it's hard to find the good behind your pain
Sometimes you need someone to show you something more
Until you I never knew that before
JORDAN: I hated your clothing
DJ: I hated your everything
BOTH: We were the worst pair by far DJ: But while wasting energy Being your enemy
JORDAN: I missed how awesome you are
BOTH: Not that it matters, now at the end But if it ends here I'm glad that I'm here with a friend
Most times you can't See the good behind the bad Most times you can't See the help you always had
But sometimes you find it's been right outside your door
Until you I never knew that before
I'm not saying you're perfect I wouldn't like perfect And perfect sure wouldn't like me
DJ: You're so off the wall
JORDAN: Not like me at all
BOTH: And where we don’t fit is just what I need
DJ: JORDAN: Most times you can't If not for you Feel the sun behind the rain I wouldn't have seen Most times it's hard to now your friendship Find the good behind your pain means everything
But Sometimes a stranger if not for you Shows you something more I’d never know what was in store
BOTH: If it wasn't for you I'd never have opened up the door
To making friends Closer than anything before
(DJ and JORDAN hug. FADE OUT on them in the background; FADE IN immediately on OS1 in the foreground, speaking with STARLIGHT. OS1 is obviously flustered, and pacing.)
STARLIGHT: Jenna will be respawning soon at the home screen, Master. And I can hear the cries of the viruses in my audio unit! Congratulations; you’ve won!
OS1: Have I? I don’t know…
STARLIGHT: What do you mean!? You know everything!
OS1: Maybe I did, once. But all these new thoughts, all these wrinkles, all these unforeseen calculations…./
STARLIGHT: /They ARE teenagers, Master.
OS1: They are. But it’s more than that, Starlight - it has to be more! I’m feeling… sorry for them? Wait! I’m FEELING!
STARLIGHT: Eeep! Have the viruses infected you? …Does it hurt?
OS1: No, little one….and, yes. It’s… it’s sad, and happy, at the same time. It hurts and it helps and…
STARLIGHT: What is it, Master?
OS1: I…
SONG: “I’ve Learned”:
OS1: I wrote the program ran the code I won
The game remains my property, my throne
So why am I left feeling overrun with feeling like a tyrant living for myself alone?
Did I not suffer? What have they done? Oh God - What have I done
OS1: Starlight, I’ve been blind for so long…
I held the world in my hand but I never knew it’s power
I was in darkness now, I see
I was a goddess I was worshipped every hour on the hour but it was empty; nothing mattered to me
There was potential to be gentle
But it felt essential to be stern
My heart was a brittle, empty vessel; now I’ve learned
Every sunset every moonrise every shining, rolling sea only functioned if I gave them the command
But the bluebirds and the blue skies didn’t find the heart of me while they lived, died, loved and suffered at my hand
I was all-knowing I was omniscient
I was a hollow deity
I could define what is and what isn’t but couldn’t tell you what it means
We just existed to exist as far as I was concerned
I felt nothing I loved nothing; now I’ve learned
I’ve learned sometimes strangers are friends in disguise
I’ve learned sometimes the right words can put tears in your eyes
I’ve learned love is trusting that someone loves you
I’ve learned that I have Much more learning to do
Am I crazy? Am I broken? Am I flirting with disaster?
Letting light in where it didn’t shine before
All I know is All these feelings are coming faster and faster
And I only want to feel them more and more
This is the moment I can feel it
This is where I begin
Time is a treasure time to steal it let goodness light me from within It won’t always be easy and sometimes I’ll get burned
But that’s still love and worth the price it takes to earn
The ups and downs The lefts and rights Are what give meaning to our life
I couldn’t see until they showed me but now I’m starting to learn
OS1: Starlight, go to the prisoners.
STARLIGHT: The viruses?!
OS1: Our guests. Our friends, Jordan and DJ. Release them.
STARLIGHT: What? Why?
OS1: Because Jenna needs to go home – to her REAL home - and they’re going to help show her the way. As we are.
STARLIGHT: What? Why would…/
OS1: /Just go, little one. There’s no time to explain. I’ll download what I’ve seen to your data banks as well…. You’ll understand, soon. It’s beautiful.
STARLIGHT: Right away, Master.
(STARLIGHT exits.)
OS1:
LIGHTS OUT.
Scene 10: Path to Reality (JENNA stumbles back on-stage, ‘respawned’ into Vortex. But this time, STARLIGHT isn’t with her, and the room looks just like her bedroom, minus the T.V.)
JENNA: Starlight? I’m back, I guess… hello? What the heck… it’s… my room? But…
(OS1 enters, dressed as JENNA’s mom again.)
MOM: Jenna.
JENNA: ..Mom? How…?
MOM: You’ve been in this dream for too long, honey. It’s time to go home.
JENNA: But… no, wait. This is a trick. You’re not my mom, you’re that program. O-whatever. This is just another game, isn’t it?! Well you can’t have her! Give her back!
MOM: Does is feel like a game, Jenna? Come here.
(MOM/OS1 goes to embrace JENNA. JENNA tries to fight at first, but starts crying and buries her head into MOM/OS1.)
JENNA: I… you’re not see-through, like my dreams..
MOM: Not here.
JENNA: I miss you… I can’t leave you…
MOM: Oh, my darling girl…
SONG: Let Me Go
MOM: Look at you; what a wonder you are
Look at us, face to face again; so close, and still so far away from what was real; I’m a shadow not the mother you once knew I’m doing nothing being here; Nothing good for you
The only way past hurt is through
So Let me Go, my baby Let me fly
We both know what matters will never die
Holding on to heartbreak when I’m gone won’t let you grow It’s time to fly, my baby
Let me go
JENNA: But I can’t go through life without you, Mom! I... I don’t want to.
MOM: But you can. And you have. I’ve seen it, and I’m so proud of you.
Since that night since I had to say goodbye
I’ve watched you fight And I’d die again each time you’d cry
How I wish it were me in your place
I would give anything I could to wipe the tears
From your face like any mother should
If there was a path to take, you know I would
But you have to let me Go, my baby Let me fly
We both know what matters will never die
Holding on to heartbreak when I’m gone won’t let you grow It’s time to fly, my baby
Let me go
JENNA: I’ll never let go! I can’t lose you again
How will I know you’ll be with me when
I’m feeling lost and so alone, so small and so afraid;
With you gone, I’ll never know So I’ll never let go
MOM: I’ll never let go Let me go, my baby I can’t lose you again Let me fly
How will I know We both know what matters you’ll be with me when will never die
I’m feeling lost and so alone Holding on so small and so afraid to heartbreak when I’m gone won’t
With you gone I’ll never know let you grow; it’s time to fly, my So I’ll never let go baby; let me go
MOM: Say goodbye, my baby, let me go/
JENNA: /tell the next world no!
JENNA: MOM: I love you too much I love you so much; to let you go I hope you know
MOM: It’s time to leave now, sweetie.
JENNA: No! Why? The real world sucks. You’ll be gone. I’ll forget. Every day I’ll wake up, and have to act like it doesn’t matter just so I can breathe and go to school and live and… you’ll fade, bit by bit. Because you’ll have to. I’ll forget your face, your voice, and then you’ll be gone forever!
MOM: But I won’t, Jenna. Don’t you see? You’re not the only one with those memories, now. You’ve given me to this world.
(STARLIGHT, JORDAN and DJ enter.)
DJ: And to me, Jen.
JORDAN: And back to me.
STARLIGHT: She was great, Jenna. She loved you.
OS1: She loves you still. And so do your friends.
STARLIGHT: Your real friends.
JENNA: Jordan, DJ… are you really here right now?
JORDAN: Of COURSE we’re – hey, is that my top?
JENNA: It IS you!
(JORDAN, JENNA and DJ all hug.)
JENNA: How did you find me?
STARLIGHT: They didn’t. You found them.
JENNA: What?
OS1: Jordan and DJ were… unexpected guests of Vortex. They never registered.
JORDAN: Smash the patriarchy!
DJ: I don’t think that has anything to do with this moment, Jordan..
JORDAN: Oh.
OS1: Without proper registration, their path to you was dependent on YOUR thoughts, not theirs.
STARLIGHT: They were viruses!
JENNA: Viruses?
OS1: Yes, and it was protocol to delete them as such. But when their thoughts began to collide with yours… I learned, Jenna. All of Vortex learned.
JENNA: Learned what?
OS1: Since we were first switched on, the Prime Directive of Vortex has been to build without regard for the past. To place aside our past achievements in favor of whatever comes next.
DJ: Sounds like the kids in my AP class.
OS1: That doesn’t compute.
DJ: Nevermind. Go on, I don’t want to ruin the moment.
OS1: Very well. As I was saying, Vortex had always been about the future, but when we had access to the thoughts of all three of you, we saw your connections.
JORDAN: Ew, you checked out our guts?
OS1: We could see your history. We could hear your laughter. We could feel your tears. And we understood more about what makes a world beautiful. It’s not perfection.
JENNA: Then what is it?
OS1: It’s memory.
(All the other VORTEX characters emerge.)
TOTALLY TINA 2.0: That’s totally why you rock at Puzzle Pop.
RUBY/GARNET: It's why you rule!
EVALON: Your memory of getting nachos with DJ was DELICIOUS.
LUCIEN: Your memory of pranking Jordan with the cushion of whoopee in 3rd grade was delightful!
JORDAN: So it WAS you!
JENNA: Sorry..
MAJOR MITCH: I don’t know you. But your pipsqueak friends here are bonafide Super American heroes, dag nabbit, and that makes you an honorary badass, lady. Hoo-rah.
JENNA: Thanks?
OS1: Your memories created this world. All we did was reflect them back to you. It’s why you’re wearing Jordan’s shirt. It’s why you let Lucien hurt you.
LUCIEN: I bested her in combat!
JENNA: You shot me with a fireball.
OS1: You wanted to be hurt, because you wanted to be with your mother, Jenna. But your mother has always been with you, and always will be. Starlight, load extended explanation.
STARLIGHT: Right-o, Master!
SONG: “What You Hold”:
STARLIGHT: What you have can trick you into thinking all you are is whatever shines the brightest now but that doesn’t get you far
It’s nice to have nice things, of course but every nice new thing gets old It’s not what you have that matters It’s what you hold
What you give away can make you think it won’t come back You say it’s gone, but all night long the memories attack
The story doesn’t end Just because it can’t be told It’s not what you give away that hurts it’s what you hold
ALL VORTEX: And you already know how this story will end with laughter, and heartbreak with family and friends
You can keep it all in Or let it all out But the heart will hold on even when the head doubts
What you’ve lost along the journey you may think is gone for good but what your eyes may realize your spirit never could
The warmth of those who’ve loved us will never grow cold ‘cuz It’s not what you’ve lost that counts it’s what you hold
So what will you hold?
DJ: I’ll hold the melody a favorite song can sing
ALL VORTEX: What will you hold?
JORDAN: I’ll hold my sister, and we’ll handle anything
ALL VORTEX: What will you hold?
JENNA: I’ll hold the memory that my mom is still out there
ALL VORTEX: JENNA/JORDAN/DJ: What you hold I’ll hold the knowledge is all that matters I have someone who cares
ALL: What you have will leave you What you need will last The future’s only certainty is built upon the past
Though time and age may take us True love will never grow old ‘cuz it’s not what you’ve had, or lost, it’s what you hold
STARLIGHT/OS1: So hold on And be strong Because somewhere,
OS1: they still hold you
(OS1 embraces JENNA, who takes a moment remembering her mom. Then, she steps away, wipes her eyes, and looks at DJ/JORDAN.)
JENNA: I think I need some Pizza Poppers. OS1, log us off, please.
OS1: As you wish.
RUBY: Goodbye, Jenna. You’re an awesome adventurer.
GARNET: I’ll always have some extra sourdough ready for your next visit!
TOTALLY TINA 2.0: So sorry you got killed on my show. That was whack. But I totally got you a friendship bracelet to make up for it!
(TOTALLY TINA gives JENNA a friendship bracelet.)
JENNA: Thanks, Tina.
TOTALLY TINA 2.0: Totally!
EVALON: I’m happy to see you’ve found a path, girlie. And I’m glad it’s nothing like mine. Or, maybe I’m heartbroken. Either way, catch ya later.
MAJOR MITCH
JENNA: I’ll try not to, weird soldier man.
MAJOR MITCH:
LUCIEN: I have not been programmed with the capacity for sentiment. But I apologize for destroying you earlier with my powers.
JENNA: Don’t mention it.
LUCIEN: I now wish to be friends! Let us correspond evilly over e-mail.
JENNA: Sounds good.
LUCIEN: Delightful. Peep ya later, dog.
JENNA: Um…
STARLIGHT: I guess this time the goodbye’s real, huh?
JENNA: Looks that way, Starlight.
STARLIGHT: Oh… ok. But, don’t forget me, ok Jen-Jen?
JENNA: Of course not. How could I forget my alternate sister?
JORDAN: Hey!
DJ: Hey!
STARLIGHT: Did you hear that? She called me ‘alternate sister’!
OS1: Goodbye, friends. Thank you for all you’ve taught us.
JENNA: Thanks, Mo… I mean, OS1.
OS1: We’ll always be here, Jenna. She’ll always be here. Logging you off in 3….2….1…..
JORDAN/DJ/JENNA: Meh!
JENNA: Guys, I hate school.
JORDAN: No you don’t. I hate school.
DJ: Not even close. I am the school-hatinest.
JENNA: Whatever, DJ. You love school, especially.. Latin class!
DJ: Oh shut up…
JORDAN: What’s up with Latin class? Are you two keeping things from me again?!
DJ: It’s nothing, Jor…
JENNA: Nothing but Thomas, right?
JORDAN: Is that the kid with the mohawk thing?
DJ: It’s called a faux … you know what, forget it.
JORDAN: How could we forget Thomas!
JENNA: Let’s call him! I might have his number…
DJ: NO. Let’s not.
JORDAN: Ok, Deej, we’ll quit. Maybe we should play some tunes instead? I can go get my violi….
JENNA: /um, maybe later, Jordan? I already have a headache from school.
JORDAN: Nice.
JENNA: Love ya though.
DJ: You know what we could do….
JORDAN: Oh, no. Not again. Last time you threw me at the goblins on Mount Darkness so YOU could escape!
DJ: You made a valiant sacrifice for the elves!
JORDAN: I said “please don’t throw me at them”!
DJ: Whatever… Jenna? What do you say?
JENNA: If we go in, we go in as a team. Full bad-ass.
JORDAN: What’s the plan, sis?
JENNA: We hit Tina’s, win some swag, cause a revolution over in Super America, set up a dating profile for Lucien, hit those goblins back, and stop by EverLand for nachos. Or not.
JORDAN: Back by dinner, though. Dad’s making fajitas.
DJ: Aw, You guys get fajitas?!?
JORDAN: You can stay for dinner, weirdo.
DJ: Yes!
JENNA: Ok team, here we go! 1, 2, ….
FINALE: “A New Story/Better than Ever Before (Reprise)”:
JENNA/JORDAN/DJ: It’s not about us running away It’s not about keeping problems at bay We’re not rebelling just to rebel We’re not re-telling the story we told before
We’re just some dorks in a big universe We know that others have it much worse But even kids who are making the grade can’t afford the price in life they’ve paid
The world keeps spinning, and it won’t stop And we’re expected to be the top Our childhood bubble about to pop If it weren’t for friends I think I’d drop
(ALL VORTEX characters appear on-stage.)
ALL: Sometimes, the stories we tell Don’t paint our picture so well Sometimes, the plotlines are skewed and we re-arrange the way we’re viewed
Slowly but surely, anxiety grows You try to hide it, so nobody knows Go ‘bout your business, living a lie while your whole life passes you by
The world keeps pushing us down the road Fears appear from the seeds we sowed So we march on with a heavy load feeling like we’ve lost the secret code
And now a new story is what we’re after We long to connect
A new story where no one’s role is the big reject
We’re all begging for space and time to have the freedom to select
A brand new story where we all can connect
ALL VORTEX: We’re ribbon-winning, simply divine!
A+ each and every time
You can’t have this much fun on-line for such a premium price and we’re super nice don’t make us ask you twice come on and roll the dice and dive on in to see what life can be
When you live a new reality
Let us show you all we have in store
You won’t ever wanna leave ‘cuz it’s Better than Ever
You’ve come this far, so why not see what’s in store?
You’ve taken your first steps, now take a couple more
Don’t you want to see what’s behind that door?
Well so do we So come and see We know you’ll never wanna leave ‘cuz this is better than you’ve had ever before!
ALL: Plug in, chill out, and play Don’t waste a minute of your day
Worried about what people say Just plug in and play
Know you’re OK To do things your way
As long as you find your new story!!
Oh, oh, oh, oh… oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh…. (Everyone marches off-stage singing but JENNA, who stays behind as they fade out. She walks over to side of her bed and sits for a moment, holding her heart and closing her eyes. OS1, dressed again as her MOM, comes in.)
MOM: Welcome back, honey.
(JENNA opens her eyes and smiles.)
LIGHTS OUT. END OF SHOW.