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A Parent and Teen's Guide to Avoiding Dating Violence

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A Parent and Teen's Guide to Avoiding Dating Violence Dating Violence Myths For More Information: • It does not affect many people or only oc- The Julian Center curs among those who hang out in bars, www.juliancenter.org are poor, or are people of color Breaking Free, Inc. • It does not occur in gay and lesbian rela- www.skynet.net/~break/ tionships Coburn Place Safe Haven • Men are never victims www.coburnplace.org Domestic Violence Center • Victims are free to leave at any time www.dvnconnect.org • Victims are mentally ill Indiana Coalition Against Domestic Violence • This type of violence is only a momentary 800-538-3393 www.icadvinc.org loss of temper 211 Connect2Help Resource Line Facts References • 1 of 3 high school relationships involve abuse; 1 of 5 include sexual/physical Crompton, V. (2003), Saving Beauty from the Beast (1st abuse ed.). Boston, MA: Little & Brown • Aggression typically escalates over time Frisch, L., & Frisch, N. (2006) Psychiatric Mental Health Nursing (3rd ed.). Clifton Park, NY: Delmar Cengage Learn- • Abuse is more likely in close relationships ing. Lowen, L (2009). 10 Facts About Teen Violence-Teen Da- • Pregnancy will typically increase abuse ting Abuse Facts. Retrieved from www.womensissues. about.com/od/datingandsex/a/TeenDatingAbuse.htm • Verbal and emotional abuse can be just as damaging as physical or sexual abuse Sperekas, N. (2005). But he says he loves me: girls speak out on dating abuse. Brandon, CT: Safer Society Press • The longer the relationship, the harder it is to leave A Parent and Teen’s • Dating violence occurs every 15 minutes • Most rapists know their victim Guide to Avoiding • Countless unwelcome calls (with or with- Dating Violence out threats) are harassment www.pcain.org A Chartered State Chapter of Prevent Child Abuse America 1/19 Warning Signs The Dating Violence Cycle Teen Dating Rights • Tells you what you can & cannot say “I have the right to…” • Does not like when you spend time with friends • To be treated with respect • Makes you account for where you have • Not to be abused - physically, emotional- been & who you have been with ly or sexually • Calls you all the time • To say NO & be heard • Hangs out around your home, school, or • To express my own opinions job for no good reason • To private time & my own space • Makes you feel tense and afraid • To have my needs considered as much • Wants you to spend all your free time with as my partner’s him/her • To have friends of my own • Plays mind games to trap or trick you into saying or doing what he/she wants • To pursue my own special interests & not to be criticized for pursuing them • Puts you down verbally - calls you names, (Sperekas, N.) ridicules you, or is highly critical of you • To accept a gift with out having to give A relationship that involves dating violence anything in return • Discounts your feelings, your words, or will go in a circle. This can make leaving the your behavior • To hear about my strengths & assets relationship seem more difficult and may even • Blames you for anything that goes wrong make it seem unnecessary. However, it is a • To ask others for help if I need it circle and though the abuser may say he/she • Threatens you will stop they are wrong. • To change my mind - to “fall out of love” & live with no threats • Becomes angry over small things (Sperekas, N.) A relationship may start with gifts and compli- • Behaves in ways that feel scary, so you ments (hearts & flowers stage). Then, one or change how you act to keep him/her calm both parties involved may start to become Ways to be a Good Friend bored (same old stuff stage). That is when • Does drugs and/or drinks a lot • Listen & believe nagging may begin (nagging stage). Then the • Pressures you to do things that are violence will escalate, warning signs can be • Encourage them to tell an adult against the law seen (warning sign stage), and the violence will explode (violence stage). Finally one will • Encourage them to leave • Pressures you sexually or has bullied/ feel remorseful and resort to compliments forced you into having sex and gifts to imply that all is okay (remorse • Help them realize abusive behaviors stage). That is when the circle begins again. • Shoves, pushes, kicks, slaps or hits you • Tell them they deserve better (Crompton, V.) • Tell an adult yourself .
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