contents: 4. Consumer Hero This month your Consumer Hero Discovers July, 2005 how the mighty fall. By Tim Anderson 6. Alligators in Athens Inebriated Travelogue by Vince Camody Raleigh Hatchet 9. Art Thug 110 Glascock St. Metal Up Your Art- Drew Robertson hijacks Raleigh, NC 27604 our regular art column. Editor 10. Month of Art D.A. Nation 11. Gallery List [email protected] 12. Bars, Bars, Bars. Head of Production Let us be your beloved enabler by providing Bart Tomlin a comprehensive list of all the best places to [email protected] fall off your stool. Music Editor 15. Month of Music Jeramy Lowe [email protected] Hear it, See it, Love it. Find out who’s playing and where. Arts Coordinator 17. Violent Femmes Jimmy McDonough [email protected] interviewed by Dan Kuszaj 19. Listen Up! Calendars & Listings Reviews of new releases by Bruce Dickenson, [email protected] Odawas, Of Montreal and more Photographers 21. Judge By the Cover Sarah Pasell Jay Winfrey Can Robert Gaddy guess what’s inside Biirdie’s new jacket Contributors 22. Penalty Box Brittany Anderson, Tim Anderson, Matthew Anscher, Claire Ashby, Greg Barbera, Brian Bedsworth, Josh Bryant, Vince Carmody, Charles Cardello, Russ Desena digs through his crates to re- Mickey D’Loughy, Russ De Sena, Rose Dunnington, Cody Eyman, Greg veal some sweet live gems. Eyman, Brad Farran, Angel Femeister, Robert Gaddy, Shannon Gray, Brian Howe, Cheetie Kumar, Dan Kuszaj, William Lee, Libby Lynn, Charles 23. The Return of the Juice Box Mangin, Tanya Montoya, Ashley Nation-Gaddy, Sarah Pasell, Cy Rawls, Charles Mangin investigates new applications Drew Robertson, Phil Solesky, Marco Soto, A. Spencer, DH Westmoreland, for one our favorite lunchbox staples. Jay Winfrey, Nick Whitley, Eric Wolf, Joe Yerry, Jon Yu 24.A Documentary in Contradiction Illustrators The Full Frame Documentary Festival: Daniel Gallant, Daniel Lynch Ed Marsden, Kristin Matwiczyk, Chris as seen through the eyes of your local Plankers, Jer Warren curmudgeon. By Michael Israel Gorelic Advertising 26. The SEXist [email protected] A new(ish) boutique and some old dirty Distribution pictures. By Tanya Montoya [email protected] 28. Inane Observer

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Please E-MAIL all press releases, submission requests and general inquiries to the editor. Consumer Hero This month your Consumer Hero discovers how the mighty fall

position within it; I’d have to kill you... or faced motorcycle cop in Thelma and Louise myself, I can never remember which.) who apprehends Susan Sarandon and Wow… a state car. “I bet it will be white Geena Davis for speeding on the side of and have a yellow license plate that says that desert highway (well, at least before ‘Permanent’ on it,” I whispered to myself Geena pulls a gun on him, handcuffs excitedly, keeping those expectations way him and stuffs him in the trunk of his By Tim Anderson low. “It’ll have a radio and a backseat and own patrol car while he weeps like a two fully functional side view mirrors. It’ll little girl). Anyway, after my work is done When you’re a temporary state employee, have a right turn signal, adjustable seats, on site, I swaggered back to my Toyota you must accept early on that the and a passenger seat window that (unlike Prius, unloaded all of my gear (yeah, I said fringe benefits of the job are absolutely the aforementioned ‘89 Nissan pick-up) gear, who’s asking?), slid into the driver’s positively not going to include after-hours actually rolls down. And maybe, just maybe, seat, and consulted the GPS, whom I’ve lap dances on the company’s dime, coffee it will have a beverage holder.” Little did christened Ira, on the easiest way to get that doesn’t taste like it was brewed I realize how sweet the pot had actually from my current location in Sparta to through a bathmat or even a computer become. Reidsville. network sign-in name that doesn’t include I would be driving a Toyota Prius. A “And can you tell me if there’s a the word “temp.” It’s best to walk into Prius. The dream car of grown-ass hippies Hardee’s on the way, darlin’?” I sweet- the job with extremely low expectations, and the liberal media. For a few days a talked her even though she couldn’t hear that way you’ll be pleasantly surprised week, I would leave my reliable but very me or answer back. “Daddy’s hungry. It’s at the unexpected treats you find in the low-rent and undignified Nissan pick-up time for a Thick Burger.” workplace. Access to the internet, for truck in the office parking lot and reinvent A few weeks of this and the daily example. Your own phone extension. An myself on the road as a environmentally contemplations of suicide back at the honor system-based snack bar with a conscientious person with taste, class, and office seemed like a world away. Just a Styrofoam money cup in the refrigerator money to burn. In that Prius I would hook short time ago I was pushing pencils in and a wonderland of free paper plates and up my portable GPS system that would tell a soulless office, counting the minutes plastic cutlery on the counter. Reinforced me how to get to wherever I wanted to go, until I could conceivably go visit the water windows in your office that keep you from once I’d figured out how to use it. I would fountain again without raising suspicion, swan diving through the glass and into press every button in the car at least twice and now I was the new me, driving down the back of your ‘89 Nissan pickup truck (three times if it made something vibrate Route 22 with all of my toys just an arm’s that is as close to death as you would be at or move). I would try not to cry while length away. Of course, driving a car the point of impact. It is these things you marveling at the digital speedometer, with so many distractions is sometimes must convince yourself are worth coming the touch screen radio controls/multi- a hazard; the touch-screen display gives back to day after day, forty hours a week; informational display, the cruise control you animated diagrams of how the car is the things you try your best to imagine as switch, the outside temperature display, being powered currently (by the electric tiny gifts from your God, your governor, or and the instrument panel light control dial. motor and the battery? by the engine? at least your immediate supervisor. Driving the Prius across our great by sheer force of will?) and shows your But no matter how low your state— scanning my iPod for the proper consumption index, how many miles per expectations, eventually— like after, playlist, taking and making calls on my gallon you are getting, and how many say, eight months— even the profusion government-issued cell phone, consulting you’re averaging. Riveting viewing for sure, of dog-eared Steak Out coupons in the the GPS for the next turn I should make to especially if you are slow to catch on to the snack bar and the water fountain right get to downtown Siler City (or out of the easy logic of charts. outside your office lose the attractiveness ‘hood in Winston-Salem when I input the “Oh, I see!” I exclaim. “The electric motor they once had, and you find yourself at wrong address), basking in the ice-cold is charging the battery now!” your desk considering the fringe benefits air shooting out of the vents and onto my “Oh, dang! Now the battery is feeding of working at Starbucks (free whipped smooth, supple, alabaster skin— I became the electric motor and powering the little cream, slimming green apron, hat). You way better than everyone else. I mean tire thingy!” can imagine my delight, therefore, when waaay better. “Shit! It’s 92 degrees outside!” my assignment ends and I am promptly I arrived at my assigned locations, “Amazing! My average MPG is 45!” shuffled over to another branch to work exited my hybrid vehicle with my camera “Oh fuck! The median!” on a special project, given a new title, and (and my phone and my laptop and my I’ve had a close call or two, but I did it in charged with an important job for which clipboards and my manbag and my style and without screaming too loud. And I’ll be driving a state car, commandeering a government ID and my official ink pens), Ira the GPS didn’t break, thank you very GPS Palm Pilot, and carrying a fully loaded, and walked to my destinations with the much, she just got disconnected from the heavy, high caliber digital camera. (I can’t swagger, authority, and command of cigarette lighter and powered off when I tell you the name of the project or my James Bond. Or Godzilla. Or that stone- hit the brakes, all right?

4 consumer hero But the mighty must to the side of the road, always fall, mustn’t they? clambered out of the car Caesar did. Nixon did. Sting and peered at my front left has made a career out of tire. It was flatter than flat. it. And I bet you’ve already I stood back and looked at forgotten that Michael the whole car. It looked like Jackson invented the it was sinking into the road, moonwalk and once sang like the Wicked Witch of the “Dirty Diana” wistfully on West. I came uncomfortably the radio. And yes, I too, the close to falling to my knees Consumer Hero in the hot and weeping, “It’s melting! leotard, could not occupy It’s meeeelting!” I looked such a vaulted, ethereal through the driver’s window space without catching the at all my toys flopped on the irritated eye of God and passenger seat. Ira stared being hurled back to Earth at me blankly, screaming with a vengeance, riding his her impotence. I looked at thunderbolt (ooooh) and the touch screen and all the plummeting back to terra buttons I had so recently firma, a victim of my flawless passed some great times skin, Roman nose, angelic with. None of those buttons blue eyes, and enviable iPod could help me now. I knew library. And, I guess, my hubris. this because I opened up the The crash-landing door and checked in vain for happened one evening when a “FIX FLAT TIRE” button on I was returning to Raleigh the panel. after a full day of going all Dear God. I was going sorts of places, meeting with to have to change this tire. all sorts of people (aren’t I I would be forced to get being excruciatingly cagey? on my knees and set my Don’t you just hate it? Aren’t massive arm muscles to the you just dying for me to cut task of unscrewing those the crap and tell you more?), machine-installed lugnuts, taking pictures, downloading raising the car with an them, sending them, calling unwieldy-looking jack, and friends to tell them how changing out the mortally important and official I am wounded pile of rubber. and sending them pictures In the rain. In traffic. All of me in my car with my around me, State students clipboard to prove it. I had walked hither and thither, just arrived back in Raleigh chattering away on their and decided I needed to visit cell phones, looking at me the Kinko’s on Hillsborough with a profound disinterest because my laptop was out as I struggled with the of power and I just had to lugnuts in the pouring rain send an email. Couldn’t have and smacked myself in the waited. Oh, no. face when my hand slipped When I got back to the off the… the… what do Prius, it was raining. I pulled you call it? Oh yeah, wrench, out of the parking space when my hand slipped off slowly, but something didn’t the wrench, knocking my feel quite right. Something glasses off my nose and onto felt weird. What was it? It the asphalt. Picking them up, was such a foreign feeling, I made a fist and vowed that this discomfort and unease. I would have my revenge Hmmmm. Hadn’t had this on God and whichever of feeling since those dark days his minions are in charge of of driving my pickup truck. In doling out flat tires. fact, I think the last time I had Yes, I’d rise again. In my this feeling was when I had Prius. Like a phoenix. a… oh, fucking assface shit, I Or a loaf of bread. have a goddang flat tire!! Hey, go visit My first thought was, www.tuningintokyo.com. “Hey, wait a minute. This is What else do you have to do a Prius. Can it get a flat tire?” at work? But as shocking as it was, it 4 appeared to be true. I pulled

he fishing trip we had planned to take Ton the Alligator River had been foiled. Chook’s relatives usurped use of the cabin from under our noses. There was nothing we could do. The four of us-The Friend, The Driver, Chook and myself-- (I’m not using real names because, well… I don’t think it’s necessary) had scheduled a weekend of fishing, booze and sheer tomfoolery. It turned into a trip to visit The Friend in Athens because: Destination be damned, I wasn’t going to cancel plans. I had already worked four 10-hour days and gotten a sub for my DJ shift. Plus, I just had to get out of NC for a weekend. I was ready to unwind, and with the help of a heavily populated college town, a steady flow of cash, the HOWDY kit*, and a digital camera, I was ready to make things the house to pick up the camera. I wasn’t going Control. Of course, we couldn’t get tickets, interesting for the next couple of days. In the to let my terrible short-term memory ruin and I was the only one who wanted to stand car were Chook, The Driver and myself. It was potential memories. We first hit The Manhattan in front of the club and listen to some of the early in the afternoon on a Friday. The weather Cafe, a downtown bar where you can purchase songs. It sounded good and all, but I didn’t was a 10. Tunes by Sly, Link Wray and Rolling Schlitz cans for $1, an offer made necessary by feel like hanging out with a bunch of people Stones pumped through the speakers of the ‘75 the advertisement on the bar’s sign. This sort of who were in the same boat I was in. This was a Chevy Impala. The air passed through the cracks kitsch is easy on the finances. disappointed bunch. It was like walking down of the rolled down windows. The first stop was the stairs on Christmas morning to find your Steak N’ Shake. There we encountered bad food presents gone and the tree in flames. This was and “Me-Maw” who fed the jukebox money in the look of the crowd, and they had it in spades. order to satisfy her Ridalin-addled grandson’s Soon, this disappointed bunch started to kill obsession with The Monkees’ “I’m A Believer.” my buzz. I mean, nobody’s going to have fun While it played on repeat, the manager yelled looking like that, are they? Of course not! I “You’re hired!” at the few attractive girls who traveled back to the bar where we had set up walked in the door. He yelled, “But not her!” at base. It was time to exercise option B: an afte the plethora of unattractive girls. This is simply party with Dangermouse DJ-ing at Jittery Joe’s. what happens when you stop in Greensboro. In Kings Moutain, SC, we stopped for gas. Apparently, the people who first settled SC, back-in-the-day (you know--colonial times), were fond of castles. Unfortunately, the gas station across the street from one of these “castles” was just a regular ol’ gas station. No towers, no moats, no drawbridges, no Rappunzels or Black Knights. If it sounds like I’m disappointed, its because I am. I went inside the gas station and bought water, gum and a “Magic 8” scratch game. I won $3. I bought three more tickets. I didn’t win anything. Shit. Perhaps, this Dangermouse, for those of you don’t know, might was an omen. Maybe this whole thing is the guy who made The Grey Album, which was a bad idea; maybe we’d get robbed, or get We sat outside, and I began to feel strange, combined The Beatles White Album with Jay- four flat tires, all at once… Man, Hell No! We like I was sitting somewhere I had been before. Z’s Black Album. He’s also worked with other arrived in Athens around 8:30 and were greeted But I’ve never been to Athens. I began to see underground hip hop artists, such as Gemini by The Friend and his dog, Kepa. people that reminded me of people I knew and MF Doom. Jittery Joe’s was basically a back home. I began to feel like I was in some warehouse downtown. There weren’t pool sort of Bizarroworld*. I was hoping that my tables or touch screen games to distract you doppelganger wasn’t going to creep up on me. from the real spectacle: free beer and a packed The air was getting chilly, and I wasn’t getting dance floor. $5 got you through the door and drunk enough to not notice. I started to think, all the free PBR you wanted. I armed myself “I don’t want a cold night for the Alligators.” So with two and worked my way towards the we left to go somewhere else.Sure, I could’ve dance floor. The Itis* combined with the day’s spent about five or six more bucks and gotten We sat on the porch in the dusk and knocked perpetual inebriation left me feeling like a kid ripped off Schlitz. Eh … not fucking likely. If a few back. I was glad to be breathing someone lost in a K-mart, a lost drunk kid who didn’t give I wanted to go all night, I had to pace myself. else’s air for a change. I sat with my friends in a shit. I was on cruise control with my beers and Yeah, you better believe it. I said “pace myself.” a completely different setting. The comfort my camera. factor began to settle in. It was a feeling very Dangermouse started out playing old similar to someone saying “Welcome,” although Motown songs. You know, the ones you hear in the only thing I heard was Chook’s recital of a dive bar and people have to dance because a Jeru’s “Bitches with Dicks,” and a bunch of they “love this song” or because it’s their “shit.” dudes laughing, which in my mind, is just as The crowd loosened up. As soon as the song good. We were all hungry, so the Friend took us “Sex Machine” began to relentlessly penetrate to an outdoor Mexican restaurant where you the room, the place lost its collective mind. could bring your own beer. We chipped in for My senses became drawn to the strobe lights, a case of High Life. When the collective buzz is the string lights, and the smell of human funk. wearing down, there’s nothing like seeing your It’s like no one in this town had ever heard of friend roll into a restaurant with a case of beer. James Brown. Maybe it’s the built in reverb that We drank. We left our empty plates and empty We made our way toward 40 Watt Club where turns on inside your head after you’ve been box of beer on the table and headed back to the hot shit ticket in town was Olivia Tremor drinking all day, but that song seemed to go on forever. I couldn’t complain. Dangermouse and cokes. The place was quiet. The bartender So that was The Champion’s Retreat. was practically invisible. I liked the solitude and I was a bit disappointed that the trip didn’t Steely Dan. I lost track of time, and all of the end with one of us tossing a glass of PBR sudden I had to attend to other business. The out a restaurant window. The trip was like a drink disappeared down my throat. I quickly left bombardment of bottle rockets, with the last one the bar. I met up with The Friend and company flying into the air and never exploding. It just fell to retreat back to the house for showers, cold back to the ground. But my thanks to Ben, Sam, beer, and the random episodes of dozing off. Layne, Kepa, Jim, Morgan, Bret and all the others Another night of bar hopping was soon upon I met in Athens that made it an easy home away us. We traveled to a place called Five-Star, a from home. was awesome. Soon, hip hop started coming small restaurant that served soul food. The food through: a lot of unfamiliar, but good stuff, along at this place was great and put us in the right 1. HOWDY Kit - (n.) You’ll have to ask me. I’m not with more recognizable hits by Snoop Dogg, mood. After dinner, I walked into a drug store to putting that shit in print. Gangstarr, KRS-One, Outkast, De La Soul and get some cigarettes for the crew. The nice girl at 2. Bizzaroworld - (n.) A world where everything Cyprus Hill (an appropriate accompaniment to the counter decided to give me a pack for free is inverted, where good is bad and vice versa. another permeating aroma in the room). As I because the package had been slightly damaged. Refer to Superman comics. tried to photograph this mayhem, I was thrust Free cigarettes and no Camel whores* in sight? I 3. Sketchometer - (n.) An internal device which back and forth in a sea of gyrating bodies. I love this town! Ah, but it was early in the night. tells you to be mindful, or in severe situations moved with people, finding anonymous, and Athens was already claiming another victim, soon says, “Get the fuck out!” Refer to me, because sometimes aggressive, dance partners. I locked to lose his lunch, dinner and/or mind. as far as I know, I made this shit up. eyes with beautiful women. I met with glances We wandered through Room 13, a bar on the 4. Itis - (n.) Not an Egyptian goddess, but a from those drunker than I. I looked up to find same block as the 40 Watt. We grabbed pitchers condition experienced after eating a good people dancing on the rafters. One single beam of beer and shot bad games of pool, while a meal, where you are full and feel like sleeping. was between their bodies and the crowd below. collection of Pixies interviews and performances Refer to a skit from the Chapelle Show. This activated my sketchometer*. I didn’t feel like were projected on a screen. The Friend decided 5. Camel whore - (n.) Any male or female we should venture down to the Calendonia pimping out free Camel cigarettes in bars or Lounge to check out a local band called Southern clubs in exchange for personal info. Refer to Bitch, a really good rock band that would fit Kings or any other downtown establishment in well with the music coming out of Raleigh on weekend nights. right now. Unfortunately, sleep deprivation and inebriation had resulted in a delirium that I cannot wholly recollect. I remember seeing more victims. I remember seeing the psychedelic Mary. I remember walking downtown, acting like a stranger who had no reason to be shameful. I started to blink my eyes and every time they opened, it was as if I had blacked out and awakened all of the sudden. This night was over.

Our idea to venture out for food before splitting having a buffoon fall on me. I eventually worked was destroyed by obligation. I woke up around my way out of the crowd as more rafter-dancers 8:45 a.m. to the sound of The Driver saying “Yo, worked their way up. It seemed to be the only we got to get out of here.” He had to work later place to go. The room was absolutely packed. The group reconveined and we left Jittery Joe’s. I think Blondie’s “Rapture” was playing. We got in the car, and in 5 minutes, we were back in The Friend’s living room, trying to figure out where we could sleep. Tomorrow was going to be a long day. When 11 a.m. rolled around we were still kinda out of it. Of course, after last night, I’m glad we all made it back in one piece. The mayhem from the night before was still that day. Putting responsibility on the back fresh in my mind the morning after. I looked burner had come to bite us on the ass. Time was at the photos taken with the camera to jog my of the essence, and we had to bolt. I felt like I memory. The Friend had to go and work for a few had just gotten to town, and we were already hours, so we were left at the mercy of downtown and now, a final thought: Athens. It reminded me of the downtown areas “In your face like whoa, bitches,” He seemed to of Chapel Hill, Wilmington (without the water), say. I don’t know where this guy learned how to and maybe Asheville (without the mountains). dance. Maybe he’s the bastard love child of Disco The town seemed pretty well-cultured, which Stu and Tom Brokaw. I’m sure they know how to for me means many bar options. Small bars are party. I think they are in the photo below. great. It’s amazing that these places can maintain happy hours that start at 2, end at 7 and still can go on until 2 or 3 in the morning. Last call here is at 2, like Raleigh, and it’s a tool to keep the drunks of this town from going apeshit crazy. But as last night proved, even that tool can fail. We spent the afternoon walking around looking for superb places to go. The second-hand shops, like Agoba, were a lot like Father and Sons, except leaving. I got in the passenger seat. I don’t they had more of a flea market feel, rather than remember much of the way home--except trying a downtown shop. Nevertheless, downtown to hide from the sunlight coming through the Athens was riddled with as much retail as windows. Trying to sleep in the car on the way booze. I went off to have a drink alone: a nice home proved to be the most difficult part of this quiet moment in an otherwise crazy weekend. I weekend. It was the one lesson I learned: You found some nameless bar with specials on rum can’t hide from the sun, but you can try to ignore it. 9 Metal Up Your Art By Drew Robertson.

Scarab, on view at Lump Gallery this past May, was not your usual art show. This Budgie. Just as with the album cover, the some unconventional show was visual art born main element of this sculpture is a falling classic metal from a defined aural source. Whether airplane with a bird skull-shaped cockpit. tracks: Metallica, through aesthetics or concept each piece Viewers can also put on headphones Judas Priest, Venom, etc. plus was in some way inspired by the Black and listen to a recording of the work’s some more current stuff such as what Art of detuned pagan sonic assault that is namesake. One should never pass up a sounded to be the speaker destroyers Heavy Metal. The show featured twenty- chance to listen to Budgie. Period. SunnO))). The music sounded good coming seven works from artists including Paul Unlike Takeda’s work, not all of the out of this metal box of a desk. It rattled Swenbeck, Seth Johnson, Clint Takeda, Drew objects in "Scarab” deal with moments and was distorted and sounded like raw Elliott, Emily Thompson, Thom Lessner, A. of Metal history. Many of them deal music should. However, the sounds were Ho, Robert Chaney, Scott Marvel Cassidy, with Heavy Metal themes and personal only half of what was going on with this Justin Matherly, and the show’s curator reflections on how the music has affected desk. What was on top of the desk was Chris Bors. The pieces featured in “Scarab” and influenced each artist’s life. One highly something I have encountered many times vary in styles and mediums. There are entertaining example of this is Chris Bors’ but never pegged as being a bonafide paintings, sculptural works, a video piece, “Slayer…Slayer…Slayer.” phenomenon: metal head desk doodling. and of course mixed media installations In “Slayer…Slayer…Slayer,” you are The desk was covered in intricate drawings that incorporate sound. Obviously with confronted with a video screen and a set and text from all sorts of heavy metal that much artwork and artists it would take of headphones as you stare at a softly album covers. The classics were accounted forever to talk about the whole show, so I’ll focused close-up of the artist’s mouth for. Maiden’s Eddie featured prominently stick to the highlights. while listening to him describe every detail on one corner. There was a very well It is not surprising that some of the of the first time he ever saw the metal drafted and huge Judas Priest logo, as well artists in this show are also musicians. powerhouse Slayer. He doesn’t leave out a as a Metallica scribbling, and a picture of Clint Takeda, a member of stone drone single part of his story mentioning details a bent over girl. For me the highlight was Philadelphia band Bardo Pond, has two such as the hessiers he rode to the show the perfectly rendered face from Venom’s pieces in this show. The first being, “Iommi with, or the time he dropped acid right album “Black Metal,” under which was a Digits (The Birth of Heavy Metal).” This before Slayer went on and then drove the lyric of theirs “We drink the vomit of the is conceptually my favorite piece in the car back and managed to convince his dad priests.” Venom was metal as fuck. This show. The work consists of two wax cast the show was good and he wasn’t on drugs. piece brought back some fond memories. fingertip extensions, topped with leather As you stare at the blurry moving lips on The last piece that really caught my fingernails. The title of these fingertips says the video screen they start to become more attention did so because it involved a it all. For those of you who are out of the and more of a fuzzy abstraction that forces turntable. On the turntable was a red metal loop, these are reproductions of the you to zone out and pay attention only to vinyl 7” record with a recording from fake fingertips fashioned for Tony Iommi the sound of his voice as he tells the story. artist Seth Johnson. Johnson’s record, after he lost the top of two of his digits right I think that in a way, this is Bors’ intention. I “Wrathful Offering” was a trance inducing before the first Black Sabbath tour. He used think he wants to visually startle you as he combination of vocalizations. From gutter the extensions on top of his newly mangled recounts his hijinks. growls being layered on top of each other nubs to continue playing guitar. Legend After I looked at Bor’s Slayer piece I went to whispered incantations, the record has it that in order to be able to play into the very back of the gallery, where hypnotized me as I listened to it while comfortably he decided to tune his guitar there were different sounds and rumbles staring at the revolving disc making these lower so he could play the notes with less emanating from an ordinary high school sounds. It was appropriately representative tension on the strings. Such was the birth desk. I had encountered what I think to of an ambitious show that revolved around of Sabbath’s low churning guitar sound and be the show’s crowd-pleaser, A. Ho’s “Satan interpretations of heavy metal’s aesthetics as a result, “The Birth of Heavy Metal.” sitting there, he’s smiling.” This was in fact and its influence on people. This show Takeda’s other piece is entitled “Budgie an old desk, plus chair, the kind where succeeded, and managed to express ideas Bludgeon (after squawk).” This piece is a you can flip up the tabletop and store about heavy metal that surpassed the 3-D recreation of an album cover by under- stuff inside. Inside of the desk were two orthodox and defied cliché. appreciated British proto-metal band speakers and a CD player. On the CD were

art 9 month of art

Openings conversation and finding painting. further dialogue. A must Murano: Glass from the Photo a Go-Go for those involved with Olnick Spanu Collection Focus: Photographs from Claire Britt and Lauren graphic design. NC Museum of Craft and the collection of Allen Adams Design Thomas Rebus Works Process and Through August 21st Various artists including Reception Sunday July Collaboration Examination of Venetian Sally Mann, Loretta lux, 3rd 2-5pm Chuck Close Glass making in the 20th Doug Starn, Adam Fuss, Magicas Gallery Talk Saturday NC Mint Museum of Art century with over 290 Rineke Dijstra and Andres new work by Laura Berman August 27th 4pm Through August 7th examples. Serranno. May 15 - June 25, 2005 Installation of Comprehensive survey North Carolina Museum Photographs from a of Close’s 30 year Fusion: Contemporary of Art Opening Reception: Sunday, May 15, 2-5pm mobile Camera Obscura involvement with the Glass Art from North Through July 17th truck the artists drove printmaking processes Carolina Collection around Raleigh in August Purge of last year. Using an old Beth Grabowski bread truck as a large Firefly –format camera to scan Through July 15th the streets (supplied Includes some very by Dave Justus) they amazing and almost documented the city’s unnerving prints from historical sites. the UNC professor. This is the one of the last shows Gardens and Vistas at Firefly. Ashley Worely Gallery Talk: Saturday, June 25, 4pm Group Show the owner has decided to Office Walls: Somerhill Gallery expand her retail section Opening July 15th to include boutique Jen Coon, David Connell, Carrie Knowles Through August 18th brands for men and women. Be sure to catch Homegrown: Southeast this one! Group Show Southeastern Center for featuring over 115 prints. Various Artists Viola Fey Contemporary Art NC Museum of Art Louise Wells Cameron Reception for Members Early 20th Century Wood Through August 7th Museum of Art th th July 15 at 7pm Engravings Contemporary Art Glass Through September 4 th Through September 30 Bernard Brussel Smith from 3 NC collections Sculptor known for Diverse showcase of and Clare Leighton ranging from large scale doing large scale figures artists from the southeast Gallery C cast sculptures to small presents eleven pieces featuring Elizabeth Brim, Through July 26th blown glass. Features dressed up in 1950’s style David Finn and Monica WPA styled engravings of 49 works by 15 artists clothes. For those of Zeringues. the working class. including the very you who are interested famous Dale Chihley. Be in outsider art or things Ongoing We Skate Hardcore sure to see the huge six vintage, this is the show Vincent Cianni foot green glass pyramid for you. Juried Show Center for Documentary with the eye by Stanislav Thanks to everyone Group Show Studies Libensky and Jaroslava American Impressions Glance Gallery Through August 28th Brychtova. Childe Hassam th who came out to see Through August 15 Documents the lives of Asheville Museum of Art th young in-line skaters Around About Through September 25 Hatchet artwork at Converse- Big Words on the Southside Abstraction A major American painter Mysterious Characters of the Williamsburg Ingrid Calame, Andrew from the early part of Joseph Albers, MC Escher, neighborhood in New Masullo, Yunshe Min, the last century. Hassam Helios last month. It Brian Eno and Robert York City (a very hip Carrie Moyer, David painted several famous Indiana scene right now at Moffet and Tam Van Tran. American scenes in an was a lot of fun. We’ll Ackland Museum of Art this very moment). Weatherspoon Museum impressionist style. Show An exhibition of the The exhibit includes of Art includes paintings and written character , with many black and white Through October 2nd prints from all over the have to do it again. shapes evolveing to and photographs and video Explores different forms country. developing from letters footage. of this varied genre of and words, promting gallery list Studio spaces for artists: Ackland Art Museum Jill Flink Fine Art Columbia St. UNC Campus, 1500 Clark Ave., Raleigh Chapel Hill 966.5736 821-7172 Available now! April and George Kirk Adam Gallery 414 Glenwood Avenue, Raleigh 107 W Hargett St., Raleigh 828-9082 601-3131 Artspace Lee Hansley Gallery ...... 201 E. Davie St., Raleigh 225 Glenwood Ave., Raleigh 821.2787 828-7557 Basement Studios Litmus 300 Glenwood, Ave Raleigh 312 W. Cabarrus St., Raleigh Bickett Gallery 828-5559 209 Bickett Blvd., Raleigh Local Color 836.5358 22 Glenwood Ave. South, At the Green House Bleeker St Studios Raleigh 851-0443 406 E. Main St., Carrboro, 968- Lump 3433 505 South Blount St., Raleigh 1 Ashe Avenue CAM 821-9999 409 West Martin St., Raleigh NC Museum of Art 836-0088 2110 Blue Ridge Rd., Raleigh Raleigh, NC Chapel Hill Museum 839-6262, 523 East Franklin St. , Chapel NCCU Art Museum Hill Lawson St., NCCU Campus, 967-1400 Durham, 530-6211 Craven Allen Gallery NCSU Gallery of Art & Design 1106 Broad St., Durham 286- Talley Center, NCSU Campus, ...... 4837 Raleigh 515-3503 Design Box Raleigh Contemporary Gallery 315 S. Bloodworth St., Raleigh 323 Blake St., Raleigh 828-6500 834-3552 Rebus Works Duke University Museum of Art 301-2 Kinsey St., Raleigh Call 919.601.8582 Duke Univ. East Campus, 754-8452 Durham 684-5135 Series One Studios Durham Arts Council 102 W. Main St., Carrboro 969- 120 Morris St., Durham 560- 8059 2787 Sizl Firefly 405 East Main St. , Carrboro 605 Glenwood Ave. , Raleigh 960-0098 821-4536 Tatoo Devil Studios Gallery 18 1215 Hillsborough ST Raleigh, Where is your Gallery? 18 E Salisbury St. Pittsboro NC 919) 834-8055 545-9255 The Tire Shop Gallery C 428 South McDowell St., To have your gallery listed here email 3532 Wade Ave. , Raleigh 828- Raleigh 829-1577 3165 Tyndall Gallery [email protected] and include Glance Galleries 201 S. Estes Dr., Chapel Hill “Hatchet gallery list” in the subject 311 W Martin St., Raleigh 942-2290 821-2200 Visual Art Exchange heading. Greenhouse Studios 325 Blake St., Raleigh 828-7834 1 Ashe Ave., Raleigh 836-8573 bars, bars, bars These parts are chock full of clubs, Blue Martini East Village Humble Pie pubs, dives and lounges. Below you’ll 116 N. West St. 1 Dixie Tr. 317 S. Harrington Street find some Raleigh Hatchet favorites. (919) 899-6464 (919) 821-9985 (919) 829-9222 If your favorite bar isn’t listed yet, A new edition to the Powerhouse This bar has a great patio; otherwise The oasis of the warehouse district feel free to email and pass the Square, located in the former Taza it’s pretty much your standard college located in a hundred year old tile information along, but please don’t Grill location, but all dressed up for hangout. Young crowd, cheap drinks, warehouse. The space is open and freak out and call us. We’re hung trendy sophistication. Offers tapas good bloody mary’s and burgers. inviting. Patio seating and $5 top over and we’re already planning to and DJ’s on the weekend. Five Star shelf martinis on Thursday nights. A expand this section each month. My Blincos 511 W. Hargett St. Hatchet Favorite. God man, we can only drink so much. 5009 Falls of Neuse Rd (919) 833-3311 Jack Pot 790-3882 Urban Asian eatery that turns into hip- 1303 Hillsborough St RALEIGH A pretty typical sports bar, with beer hop dance bar for the late night. Very (919) 821-8422 on tap, bar food and lots of TV’s. chic. Good bartenders and great dark The ultimate dive bar with a hipster 42nd St Oyster Bar You have to love a North Raleigh slinky atmosphere. They’ll be relocated crowd. Dark, loud, smoky and cheap. 508 W. Jones Street restaurant that’s not a national chain by the new Raleigh rail project so enjoy Great DJ’s playing rock, punk, soul and (919) 831-2811 though. Strange grouping of hockey while you can. depressing country. What could be Just about as old school Raleigh as enthusiasts. Flex better. Cute bartenders. Private Club. a bar can be, this traditional heavy Bogart’s American Grill 2 S. West Street Jillians wood and brass rail bar located 510 Glenwood Ave suite 109 (919) 832-8855 117 S. West Street in the popular seafood restaurant (919) 832-1122 This bar is so gay they even put gay (919) 821-7887 is frequented by government Trendy martini bar that’s a bit on the porn on their website. An underground Should you ever need 50 pool tables, workers, big business people and pricey side but offers good live jazz dive that offers great drink specials an outdoor volleyball court and social drinkers. Excellent old school and infused vodkas. (Mondays well drinks are a buck and a hibachi grills this is the place to find bartenders.and a rowdy weekend CC’s quarter) and Thursdays are Trailer Park them. College crowd. Strict dress atmosphere with live music. 313 W. Hargett Street drag shows – with prizes! Private Club. code. Look for the giant shark’s head Abyssinia (919) 755-9599 Fluid on the outside wall. 2109 Avent Ferry Rd Ste 150 On of Raleigh’s oldest queer bars. 16201 Glenwood Ave Kings (919) 664-8151 Live piano music. Can get a little (919) 828-9993 424 S McDowell St You may think it sounds weird, but crazy towards last call. Private Club. Some say this bar is like Miami Beach (919) 831-1005 this is a great little bar hidden away Café Cyclo in Raleigh – with its stylish and scantily Live music venue with full liquor in an Ethiopian restaurant in a strip 202 Cameron St. 27605 clad clientele. Mirrors everywhere. permits, this bar is spacious and mall. Every time I’ve been here, the 919.829.3773 Upscale drink menus and DJ’s creating caters to the music enthusiast in the place has been populated with off Urban chic but in the strip mall, this a Latin vibe. Private Club. know. Live music, Monday night trivia, work taxi drivers. Very laid back. Beer Cameron Village restaurant bar sells Flying Saucer Tuesday night movies, Wednesday only. delicious espresso cocktails and has 328 W. Morgan Street night comedy, vintage video games April and George a huge martini menu. Smoke free (919) 821-7401 and good drinks. A Hatchet Favorite. 414 Glenwood Ave environment. My god this bar has a lot of beer, there Private Club. (919) 828-9082 Cappers are miles of taps and a coded beer list Legends Upscale wine bar that offers 4421 Six Forks Rd Ste 115 to help you navigate them all. Young 330 W. Hargett Street occasional DJ’s and dancing. Terrific (919) 787-8963 Professionals. Hot waitresses. Late night (919) 831-8888 art that changes monthly. One of the A Raleigh standard, Cappers food. Raleigh’s original gay dance bar. Drag only Glenwood South bars that rises has been showcasing local and The Goat shows on the weekends, DJ’s and above the grown up frat party scene. touring jazz acts for 15 years. The 5111 Western Blvd Goth nights. Private Club. Aries Lounge atmosphere is grown up and laid (919) 233-4143 Lizzies 400 W Morgan St. back. The shiniest dive in Raleigh. No shit. 14 West Martin Street Suite 102 Capital Room Even with no overhead lighting there’s Raleigh, NC 27601 Raleigh, NC 27603 112 Fayetteville Street still enough faux chrome to make it 919-833-0004 Urban chic Raleigh style, which Raleigh, NC 27601 radiant like a tanning salon, albeit a Underneath the Martin Street Music means laid back-with the emphasis (919)-833-1722 very cozy tanning salon. It’s frequented Hall comlex, this bar is a dark little on good old school DJ’s and no frills Casual bar and eatery across from by NC State white hats and area lifers, oasis with a well worn in feeling. impromptu dance parties. Weekly the state capitol provides a much plays a pretty decent selection of rock Great music. Foxy bar staff. drink specials, monthly zodiac needed no frills alternative to scores and punk music and offers cheap The Longbranch parties and a good straightforward of trendy downtown bars. Good old drinks and cheaper Jell-o shots in a 600 Creekside Dr bar staff. school bartenders. mouth-watering variety of fruit flavors. (919) 829-1125 Berkley Café Churchill’s Thumbs up. Private club. A redneck extravaganza. Line dancing, 217 W. Martin Street 1622 Glenwood Ave Havana Deluxe mechanical bull riding and the (919) 821-0777 (919) 831-1525 437 Glenwood Ave occasional freak scene like Great Downtown live music venue that Five points old school bar with (919) 831-0991 White or midget coleslaw wrestling showcases blues, jazz and a weekly darts, a crap load of wood paneling A cigar bar with leather couches and (really just short women).Private Club. open mic night. right next door to and expensive scotch. The feeling is very dark intimate atmosphere that Martin St. Music Hall the bill payin’ place. A mix of old relaxed and unpretentious. Private is occasionally violated on weekend 14 W Martin St timers and college kids. Late night Club. nights by Glenwood Southers. Great (919) 833-9666 menu. Comet Lounge margaritas and martinis. Private club. Multi-level music venue and drinking Bernard St Tavern 3003 Hillsborough St Helios Coffee Company complex. Downstairs lounge and 1914 Bernard St (919) 833-8090 413 Glenwood Ave soon to be restaurant has a huge (919) 833-6950 NC State hole in the wall with (919) 838 5177 bar and relaxed urban atmosphere. A dive in every sense, Bernard Street grungy charm and cheap drinks. By day a coffee shop, at night Helios Upstairs stage and dance floor with is a Hatchet favorite. There’s jukebox Dance floor, DJ’s. Pool tables. Private turns into a wine and beer bar with weekly DJ’s and bands. with old school country and top Club. DJ’s and a comfortable smoke free Mitch’s Tavern 40 hip-hop. Crazy regulars and bad Dive Bar atmosphere. 2426 Hillsborough St 27607 décor. We love it. Private club. 3 Glenwood Ave Hibernian (919) 821-7771 Bickett Gallery Art Bar (919) 832-9363 311 Glenwood Avenue There are tasteful paintings of naked 209 Bickett Blvd Raleigh Don’t let the name fool you; Dive (919) 833-2258 women behind the bar of this NCSU (919) 836.5358 Bar isn’t as crappy as it sounds. A Hatchet daytime bar favorite – it’s college staple. Lots of old school Cozy, intimate beer and wine bar It’s actually kind of nice. Chrome dark and quiet and the bartenders charm - Bull Durham was filmed (soon to have full abc permits) in fixtures, Video games, hunky are amazing smart-asses. At night you here – but it gets rowdy during State Raleigh’s Five Points. Fantastic patio, bartenders that look like the dudes might hear the Cranberries on one side games. Late night menu and cheap th live acoustic music and DJ’s, very on 5 Wheel and cheap ass drinks. of the room and a guy covering Don beer. chill. Private Club. McLean’s American Pie on the other. bars, bars, bars MoJoes Porters will cater to most everyone’s taste. Green Room 620 Glenwood Ave. 2412 Hillsborough St Décor runs from sports and beer to a 1108 Broad St (919) 832-6799 (919) 821-2133 whole wall dedicated to pictures of (919) 286-2359 A burger joint with a stripped down A sophisticated establishment on a celebrities recent and past. A good We love this bar! A depression era attitude - named after Mojo Nixon deserted street Porters is the best place to be in the afternoon, but pool hall with original fixtures and a and frequented by people who’ve thing going on the NC State strip. crowded during ACC sports broadcasts gratifying bell that rings for every tip. never heard of him. Late night menu Stylish atmosphere manages to and weekend nights. Very pleasing shuffleboard table and and buckets of beer. The Hatchet scare off obnoxiously drunk college Vin a juke box full of guilty pleasures. Cute editorial staff reigns supreme on students. Amazing gourmet nachos. 410 Glenwood Ave bartenders. the mega-touch machine at this Extensive drink menu. Suite 350/ 27603 James Joyce Glenwood South bar. Pour House (919) 834-3070 912 W Main St Moonlight Pizza 224 S Blount St European style wine bar and (919) 683-3022 615 W. Morgan Street (919) 821-1120 gourmet restaurant has a great Ye olde Irish pub right in the heart (919) 755-9133 Live music venue that can only cheap late night food menu. of downtown Durham. Dimly lit, Boylan Heights neighborhood be described as “funky.” Vintage Excellent wine selection and covered comfortable and sociable. Good pizzeria that cuts the music for furnishings, pool tables full liquor patio seating. DJ’s on first Fridays selection of beers, bar food and weekly Chapelle’s Show and weird X-treme permits and mug nights. Private Club. and every Saturday night. Trivia. Spike TV events. Comfortable and Profile Western Lanes Jo & Joes stylish. Great bartenders. A Hatchet 625 E. Whitaker Mill Rd 2512 Hillsborough St 427 W. Main St. Favorite. (919) 833-4527 (919) 832-3533 (919) 688-3322 Northside Billiards Typical, but very large and Any place that caters to late night Neighborhood joint that really reminds 815 E Whitaker Mill Rd accommodating, sports bar. Bar food, drunken bowlers can’t be bad. The me of the bar on MASH. Unpretentious (919) 828-0254 crap loads of TV’s and a great staff. absolute kicker is that the lady behind food, drink and crowd. Beer bar with pool tables (duh) Plus the most up to date mega-touch the bar seems to cherish nothing Montas and a juke box so crappy its great. machine in Raleigh. more in the world than sliding your 2223 US Highway 54 E Neighborhood and dive bar appeal Ri Ra beer down the bar to you. A Hatchet (919) 361-2390 next door to a hot dog shack and a 126 N. West Street favorite. Not so much a bar as a dance club muffler shop. (919) 833-5535 White Collar Crime – Montas is a great place to learn salsa The Office Irish-style pub with secluded seating, 319 W. Davie St dancing or practice your moves without 310 S. West Street Trivia on Tuesday nights late night Raleigh, NC 27601 wrangling drunks on the way to the (919) 828-9994 menu and booming weekend crowds. 919-828-0055 dance floor. Tropical drink specials, DJ’s. The name of this bar is funny because Rockford Cozy, artful and easy to lose time in, Private Club. you can tell your wife you’re going 320 1/2 Glenwood Avenue this is a great open, well lit upscale Parizades to be at “The Office” late and you (919) 821-9020 place – in a former Wells Fargo 2200 W Main St won’t be lying. Exclusively priced In Style magazine calls this bar an depository. Extensive cocktail menu. (919) 286-9712 memberships, DJ’s and a VIP lounge. “unassuming hipster hideway” we call fantastic bartenders, garden patio. Greek/Mediterranean restaurant with Private Club. it the first bar on the Glenwood South DJ’s and dancing on weekends. The Office Tavern Strip and still one of the best. Good DURHAM Ringside 710 West Johnson St. strong drinks, good music and very 308 West Main St 833-5165 little meat market action. 48 Hours (919) 680-2100 The name of this bar is funny because Sadlacks 2825 Roxboro St There’s a wonderful big city/opium den you can send people looking for 2116 Hillsborough St (919) 317-1600 feel to this three story former gay bar The Office to The Office Tavern and (919) 828-9190 that has since come to appeal to the confuse the living shit out of them. A drunkard’s institution with The Cosmic Cantina newly crowned metrosexual crowd. Live Unholy dive bar with a surprising cheap beer, cheap sandwiches and 1920 1/2 Perry St at 9th Street music, DJ’s, and a piano bar downstairs. A amount of charm. Cheap beer. patio seating that’s extremely well (919) 286-1875 Hatchet favorite. Private Club. Oxygen populated in the spring and summer. If you can endure the highly privileged Shooters 412 W. Davie Street Fantastic bathroom graffiti. Duke students on their weekly bender, 827 W Morgan St (919) 821-3188 Second Empire Tavern the food is amazing and cheap (919) 680-0428 Raleigh’s largest and most well 330 Hillsborough St. - and the drinks are worth it just to You know you have always wanted promoted dance club. DJ’s (919) 829-3663 eavesdrop on the future power players to ride a mechanical bull. Here’s your Wednesday thru Saturday. Caters to a An affordable alternative to the 5 star of America. chance, pal. They supply full padding if younger well dressed (and by this we restaurant bearing the same name. Down Under Pub you feel as if you cannot hang with the mean barely clothed) crowd. Late night appetizer menu, outdoor 802 W Main St at N. Duke Street urban cowboy. Possible encounters with Players Retreat seating and plenty of old Raleigh (919) 682-0039 scary locals, but well worth it. Cheap 105 Oberlin Rd. 27605 charm – and patrons. One of the better dive bar scenes in beer. Live Music. Private club. (919) 755-9589 Slims Durham, the Down Under caters to Talk of the Town Ancient cozy dive bar annexed by 227 S Wilmington St arbitrary walk-ins and has a low-key 108 E Main St NCSU students and professors. Old (919) 833-6557 neighborhood feel. Intriguing clientele, (919) 682-7747 school sports bar vibe. Downtown distillery that caters to late night food and cheap beer, and Warm friendly restaurant and bar that Pooles Diner the loud and crazy old school crowd. full liquor. offers nightly entertainment via DJ’s, 426 S McDowell St Outdoor seating. Shuffleboard tables The Federal jazz, R&B or soul acts. Laid back and Raleigh, NC 27601 and very personable bartenders. 914 W. Main Street grown up. (919) 832-4477 Private Club. 680-8611 CHAPEL HILL/CARRBORO Named after the original 1950’s Sharky’s A new hipster hangout in Durham Caffe Pane & Vino lunch counter that once inhabited 5800 Duraleigh Rd Ste 101 that’s spacious yet cozy. It’s got salads, 418 West Franklin St the space this daytime lunch spot (919) 783-5448 sandwiches, tapas, all the top-shelf (919) 942-1556 converts into a retro-casual late nite What appears to be a typical Raleigh wine & beer you could want, and DJ Charming and comfortable European bar that’s comfortable enough for an pool hall/bar is just that. Very eccentric Marco will be setting the mood with style café with a simple selection of evening with friends but charming owner, very dry staff. This place is dusty vinyl gems from his 60s-70s soul, pastries, sandwiches, coffee drinks and enough for a first date. The drinks pretty cool, for a North Raleigh pool jazz and funk crates. wines. Great wine list. Sidewalk patio. can be pricey, but they’re more hall. George’s Garage Carolina Brewery than worth it. Food served late on Village Draft House 737 9th St 460 W Franklin Street weekends – don’t miss the mac and 428 Daniels St/ 27605 (919) 286-4131 (919) 942-1800 cheese! (919) 833-1373 Open and stylish space with upscale Two story open/industrial space. Caters Clean, new-looking Cameron Village patrons, a busy local bar business to sports enthusiasts with an in house sports bar. The wings are great, and and tremendous Apple-tini’s. The basketball hoop, local brews on tap and so are the beer specials. A selection pork chops will make you so happy. A a good bar menu. of about fifteen or so draft beers Hatchet favorite. bars, bars, bars WILMINGTON

The Cave Barbary Coast 452 1/2 W Franklin St 116 South Front Street (919) 968-9308 (910)762-8996 Located 10 feet under West Franklin this live Definitive dive bar with the nastiest bathrooms and music venue showcases local rock, folk and alt graffiti we’ve ever seen. Frequented by local regulars country. Pool tables, pin ball and good beer on and hip drunks. Cheap beer, terribly comfortable. A tap. Plus a real under ground rock décor – very great place to try to get cut off. surreal. Bluepost Billards Dead Mule 15 S. Water St. 303 W Franklin St (910) 343-1141 (919) 969-7659 Dark, cool and totally artsy especially for a pool hall. A little house next to McDonalds – but still cool. Its decorated with vintage colored glass fixtures and Great porch. Huge liquor selection and interesting cool posters. Plenty of tables and some other retro crowd. Private Club. games as well. You gotta go down an alleyway to East End Martini Bar find it. 201 East Franklin St. Caprice Bistro (919) 929-0024 10 Market St. Upscale un-college bar with over 150 types of (910) 815-0810 liquor, an enormous martini menu and “night on The second floor of this restaurant an intimate the town” atmosphere. New York–style sofa bar that specializes in Martinis Hell and desert drinks. Hot sofas, local artwork, cool 157 1/2 E Rosemary St atmosphere. (919) 929-7799 Firebelly Lounge A basement dive with a good jukebox dingy 264 Nutt St feel lots of concrete and cheap cocktail specials. (910) 763-0141 Bartenders hate Journey and cosmopolitans, Go A great place to try to get cut – by famous indy film late for the best time. stars. Popular late night and weekend bar serves Lantern cheap drinks and good bar food. Pool tables and 423 W Franklin St upbeat noisy atmosphere. A good time. (919) 969-8846 Hell’s Kitchen A dark stylish bar attached to the best, if not 118 Princess St only pan-Asian restaurant in the Triangle. Offers (910) 763-4133 cheap well drinks, specialty cocktail menu, sassy Though this place was made “cool” by Dawson’s bartenders and plenty of Chapel Hill intellectual Creek, it truly is a great bar with a nice feel. Good bar conversation plus Lychee Martini’s. food and cheap beer. The Library Level Five 120 E Franklin St 21 N. Front Street (919) 968-6004 (910) 342-0272 The name of this bar is funny because you can tell One of the best bar views going – this fifth story your parents you’re at “The Library” and you won’t rooftop bar overlooks the cape fear river and be lying. They are now hosting more and better downtown Wilmington. Serves a plethora of frozen bands. Check out indie-rock Teusdays. New Orleans style hurricane drinks. Excellent old Local 506 school bartenders. Classy. 506 W Franklin St Lula’s (919) 942-5506 138 S Front St. Live music club that showcases local and touring (910) 763-0070 rock bands. Its everything a local club should be Underground bar with an old double-sided sit down -with pool tables, nasty bathrooms and cheap Pacman game! Good juke box and foosball. drinks. Feels like a dive bar – but cooler. Private Le Catalan Club. 224 S. Water St. Orange County Social Club (910) 815-0200 108 E Main St Ste 1 Café and wine bar named for the mediterranean (919) 933-0669 region nestled between southeastern France and One of the best bars in the area. Couches, retro northeastern Spain. Great patio overlooking the river. dinette tables, pool, cheap drinks, phenomenal Soapbox Laundro-lounge jukebox, hip intellectual crowd. A Hatchet favorite. 255 N. Front St. Reservoir (910) 251-8500 100 A Brewer Ln You always heard the Laundromat was a great place (919) 933-3204 to pick up chicks. now it is – because they’re drunk. An all metal and indie-rock juke box should be Live music, cool art on the walls, cheap beer and of all you need to hear to get you down to the course Heavy Metal Bingo every Monday night – plus reservoir but there’s more – soviet propaganda- coin operated laundry facilities in the back. A Hatchet inspired murals grace the walls and good cheap favorite. drinks bless your wallet. Plus, the bathrooms are adorable. The men’s room even has a Lebowski Man of the Year Mirror. Good Times! Are we Missing any- Speakeasy 102 E Main St thing? E-mail us at (919) 929-6881 [email protected] Pool tables, lounge seating and a huge selections and tell us about your of tap beers. Grad school crowd. Hidden behind favorite bars that are miss- an unmarked door below Tyler’s Tap Room – very clever. ing from this list.

14 bars, bars, bars 15 month of music Friday 1 Kings Neu Romance Kings Mecca Saturday 9 Pour House David Mead w/ Nathan Asher Local 506 J-Zone w/ Pens And Needles, Living Dead, Cats Cradle Tegan & Sara w/ Communique K-Hill Kings The Wusses w/ Haulin’ Oates Monday 11 Lincoln Theatre Scum Of The Earth w/ Brand New Sin, Lincoln Theatre Whild Peach Kings Black Socks w/ Gold Teeth, Spader Society One The band that supports Andre 3000 and Big Boi, better It’s being passed around from reputable sources Nightlight Eames Era known as Outkast, come to Lincoln Theatre to do their that Gold Teeth is the band to watch. Come out on a own thing. Monday night so you can know what’s up before your Saturday 2 Local 506 The Antagonizers w/ Incendiary Stiff friends find out. Brewery Silvertide w/ Pepper’s Ghost Nightlight Country Bears w/ Yes Sensai, Empty Silos Lincoln Theatre Cross Canadian Ragweed Cats Cradle Mindless Self Indulgence Echo War, Kings Astro Trip Nightlight White Mice w/ The Coughs, Bryzone Kings Prayers & Tears Of Arthur Digby Sellers w/ Eames Pour House Rob Watson w/ Kennebec Pour House Godspeed w/ Milton, Trigger Point Era, Schooner, The Annuals Lincoln Theatre Luciana Tuesday 12 Local 506 Zen Frisbee Kings Groovie Ghoulies w/ Snmnmnm, Teenage Pour House The Redbelly Band Bottlerockets, Teenage Harlots Library A Rooster For The Masses w/ Tv Knife Sunday 3 Nightlight 8 Bit w/ Mormons, Receptors Cats Cradle The Soundtrack Of Our Lives Pour House Grayson Capps & The Stumpknockers Bearded Beatles nuts capably mine melodies gone by. Kings Neu Romance Wednesday 13 Local 506 Armed Suspects w/ Done Deal Lincoln Theatre Jason Adamo Pour House Bokamaru This local will belt out the goods opening for Parmalee. Heartfelt originals and a few crowd-pleasing covers Monday 4 make him worth showing up early for. Kings Family Guy Night Local 506 Dressy Bessy Local 506 Jimmy & The Teasers w/ Billy Joe Winghead Nightlight Sibling Project w/ Ten & Two, The Critic Bettie Serveert will appear at King’s Tuesday Pour House Dale Watson Tuesday 5 July 5th with Cass McCombs and The Double Kings Bettie Serveert w/ Cass McCombs, The Double Thursday 14 There was a time when Dutch band Bettie Serveert Kings Destroyed Tradition w/ The Beatdowns was on Matador in the early ‘90’s and could get a video Library EAROS shown once in a while a little after midnight, Sundays Lincoln Theatre The Clarks w/ Watershed on Mtv’s 120 Minutes. Those days are long gone. Their Local 506 Dodd Ferrelle & Tin Foil Stars w/ The songs from that era are still fan favorites at their shows, Everybody Fields but the newer tunes don’t detract. They’ve been Nightlight Ari Ari coming to Chapel Hill every so often for years, check Pour House U-Melt them out in Raleigh for a change. Local 506 Present w/ Onamato Friday 15 Present is a Belgian band formed and led by guitarist/ Kings Nathan Asher & The Infantry composer Roger Trigaux. In 1974, Trigaux and drummer Dead Meadow plays King’s Lincoln Theatre The Cardinal Effect w/ Swift, Infected Daniel Denis co-founded Universe Zero...the heavy Wednesday July 6th Local 506 Starting Tuesday w/ Sam Fisher prog continues. Pour House Hobex w/ The Mood Cultivation Project Pour House Tim Easton Wetlands Veronique Diabolique Saturday 16 Cats Cradle Victor Wooten Wednesday 6 Kings Slugnut w/ Morose Vitality, Malebolgia Kings Dead Meadow Local 506 Maria Taylor w/ The Statistics, Taylor Heavy sludge from this clean cut former trio from D.C. Hollingway (in the past year, they Pour House Caitlin Cary & Thad Cockrell added a second guitarist). They certainly have a good booking agent from the looks of the big bills they Sunday 17 end up on from time to time, and they’re notorious Kings Neu Romance for showing up just in time for their set, so don’t freak Local 506 Schooner w/ Can Joann, Erie Choir out too much if you “heard a rumor” that they never showed up for sound check. Monday 18 Local 506 Dash Rip Rock w/ The Cartridge Family Cats Cradle Teenage Fanclub w/ Rosebuds Pour House Brothers Past Teenage Fanclub and the Rosebuds perform A great pop band that somehow survived the early at the Cats Cradle Monday, July 18th 90’s label shop and drop should be a great main course Thursday 7 after the Rosebuds’ hooky appetizer. Cats Cradle Blowfly Kings Family Guy Night Ever wonder what Weird Al would sound like if he were Pour House Seven Minute Bender black? And worked blue? You’ll know after you hear Blowfly rework classics such as “First Time Ever You Tuesday 19 Sucked My Dick” and “Another One Learns To Fuck”. And Cats Cradle Between The Buried And Me w/ Sinai yes, through his website you can book him to play your Beach, The Acacia Strain, From A Second Story Window next bah mitzvah or child’s birthday party. Kings Movie Night w/ AV Geeks Kings 6th Anniversary Bash Gong Show Library Permanent Darling w/ New Darlings Library Murray Street Band Pour House Incognito Mosquito Local 506 Conshafter w/ Roue Pour House Fifth House w/ Purple School Bus Wednesday 20 Lincoln Theatre Two Skinnee J’s w/ As Fast As Friday 8 Pour House Spoonfed Tribe Cats Cradle Chatham County Line Kings The Cherry Valence w/ The Dynamite Brothers Blowfly works blue at the Cats Thursday 21 th You need to see The Cherry Valence (see review). Cradle Thursday, July 7 Kings Parker w/ The Same, Tres Bien, The Balance They are back and they brought arguably the most Local 506 Hugh Swaso Project dexterous band in the Triangle with them. Sunday 10 Lincoln Theatre Hot Tuna Cats Cradle Dinosaur Jr. w/ Superchunk, Majik Markers Friday 22 Nightlight HRH w/ Wilderness, The Internet Who knew that one of the most acrimonious break- Kings Electric Sunshine Pour House Cigar Store Indians w/ Loch Ness Johnny ups in indie rock lore would end up with a reunion Ringside Dracula’s Daughter Goth/Industrial Dance tour? On the tails of the Pixies’ hugely successful tour, Night these things are gonna’ happen more and more. Bring 15 14 on Husker Du! music Lincoln Theatre The Machine Speaking of acrimonious break-ups, The Machine will come around and remind us when Floyd was a big, high, heroically fucked up family. We’re not sure if they’ll have an acid casualty muse on the stage. Nightlight Pedestrian Deposit w/ Oscillating Innards

Saturday 23 Cats Cradle Arrogance Nightlight A Problem Of Alarming Dimensions w/ Tel Aviv

Sunday 24 Lincoln Theatre Corrosion Of Conformity w/ Fu Manchu, Alabama Thunderpussy With these homers returning to their classic face- shredding ways, this should be a great trip back to the days when Cup a Joe’s was the center of the underaged universe. Pour House Stacey Earle & Mark Stuart

Monday 25 Kings Family Guy Night Your opportunity to watch the most hilarious cartoon ever about inept Rhode Islanders without dropping $30 on the box set… and on the big screen...with liquor! Pour House Walnut Grove Band w/ Lifted Vision

Tuesday 26 Cats Cradle Jaguares Kings Drunk Horse w/ Earwig, Jaded A few line up changes haven’t slowed the rock and roll freight train that is Drunk Horse. Their new album, In Tongues, which hits stores soon, will provide the proof. But, you won’t need the proof if you catch them live. Do yourself a favor and request “Whipping Post”. Library Tennis & The Mennonites w/ Shallow Be Thy Name Pour House Scott MCCurry Band

Wednesday 27 Local 506 Brain Surgeons NYC w/ Snatches Of Pink Former members of Blue Oyster Cult. Here’s hoping that one of them is the cowbell guy.

Thursday 28 Kings Cities Pour House Seepeoples

Friday 29 Kings Thor w/ Widow Thor, former Canadian bodybuilder, B-movie actor, and decent hair metal/hard rock performer returns to Raleigh. Michael Pilmer (Devo freak, ball swallower) of Raleigh decided to find out where Thor resides back in ‘96 and damn if he didn’t find him in Matthews, NC. One thing lead to another and Pilmer was doing a bit of tour managing for Thor and managing his website. Even though Thor has resided on the West Coast the past few years, Raleigh has been one of his favorite tour stops. Come see if he can successfully blow up a hot water bottle (they make them a bit stronger now) and hear some songs about fucking and fighting. Lincoln Theatre Barefoot Manner Nightlight Wives w/ Jakuta & Carl, Modern Day Urban Barbarians, Torch Marauder, Cantwell, Gomez & Jordan

Saturday 30 Local 506 Antiseen w/ Lustre, Knowledge Is For Fools In college I used to be in a band with a similar name to these guys, and we were banned from a couple places because they thought we were the ones destroying property and splattering our blood everywhere while playing crazy ass music. Well, Antiseen’s still going and my old band’s dead as a doornail. Anyway, with that and the opening bands’ name in mind, this show could very well make Mayberry look like a think tank. Pour House Willie & Me w/ Yo Mama’s Big Fat Booty Band

Sunday 31 Kings Neu Romance Local 506 Chris Scruggs 16 17 AXE THE BAND INTERVIEWAn Interview With Not Even In Copenhagen Violent Femmes’ By Dan Kuszaj bassist, Brian Ritchie deals, new deals, more touring, record racked up millions of frequent flyer miles The Violent Femmes were founded in 1980 company bankruptcy, lawsuits, etc. etc. etc. taking their music to disparate and/or by bassist/multi-instrumentalist Brian ad infinitum. absurd places ranging from gay bars to Ritchie and drummer Victor De Lorenzo. Bassist Brian Ritchie almost single- Carnegie Hall to The North Pole (where The name, of course, is a contradiction in handedly created a craze for acoustic they played the northernmost concert in terms, "Violent" being self-explanatory, bass guitar with his revolutionary rock history) to schools for the retarded and "Femmes" being Milwaukee slang for playing, but the bass is by no means the to Royal Albert Hall to Woodstock ’94 etc. wimp. only instrument that he has tackled. His in over 400 cities in 40 countries. They’ve The rhythm section added high most recent conquest is the shakuhachi performed in all 50 United States. Their school singer/songwriter Gordon Gano (Japanese bamboo flute), at which he has first album has the distinction of being the in 1981. Gano and Ritchie had previously attained the rank of Jun Shihan (teaching only in the history of Billboard magazine performed together at Gano’s National master) in the traditional system. This to achieve platinum status without ever Honor Society induction ceremony, where has earned him the professional name appearing in the top 200. they caused a near riot. But perhaps the most Gano was subsequently distinctive thing about expelled from the Violent Femmes is their Society and suspended relationship with their from high school for the “fourth member” which is outrage. the audience. Few bands One of the only have stayed active for so stable aspects of the long while maintaining the band is their aversion same demographic. The to rehearsal. With this in Femmes have some audience mind, the band decided members who have grown to take their music to up with the band, and even the streets in an attempt some three-generation to hone their skills families of fans. But, for the and earn some spare most part, the audience change. It was on one remains the same high school of these occasions that and college kids who have they were spotted by always been the core of the the Pretenders. Chrissie Femmes crowd. Hynde and the gang were so amused “Tairaku” which means “Big Music”. In The Violent Femmes will by the Violent Femmes antics that they addition to this he can be spotted playing be playing a FREE show in Raleigh on invited the band to open the show for xylophone, didgeridoo, saxophone, Saturday July 16 at Moore Square. The them. The hometown Milwaukee audience conch, etc. on stage with the Femmes. show will be from 3-11 and the gates open received the Femmes with unanimous Recently, Dae Lorenzo returned to the at 2. Also playing is Sponge, Port Huron booing. However, by the end of the set the fold after a lengthy hiatus from the band. Statement and Iconic. Femmes had converted approximately His stage set-up consists of only snare For more info check out www.raleighdow 50% of the audience. Many years later drum, tranceaphone (metal bushel basket ntownlive.com Brian Ritchie encountered Hynde when on top of a tom) and one lonely cymbal. the Femmes and Pretenders shared the bill Nevertheless, he is able to propel one of I was lucky enough to be given the chance at a radio concert. She said, “Oh, you’re still the most rocking shows on earth with this to interview Femmes bassist, Brian Ritchie, around.” limited palette of percussion sounds. His to see what he had to say about his band The Femmes borrowed $10,000 from stage philosophy is to “steal the focus” with mates, his varied musical talents, and De Lorenzo’s dad to record their legendary Dadaesqe antics such as simulating sex about playing “Blister In The Sun” for the first album in 1982. Slash Records in with the backdrop, doing jumping jacks umpteenth time. Los Angeles was the only label to offer in the middle of sensitive ballads, putting them a deal with the amazing advance drumsticks in his nostrils and so on. De DK- Have you noticed that many people of $0. The band accepted and started Lorenzo fine-tuned this method during his find your music hilarious, while others are on the predictable round of world tours, years as a thespian on stage and screen. reverent about the pain expressed. What recording, more world tours, nervous He is one of the few drummers in rock roles do humor and religion play in the breakdowns, band members quitting, history to focus his main approach on Femmes music. solo albums, regrouping, more touring, brushes rather than conventional sticks. 16 divorces, more crackups, unfulfilled record Over the years Violent Femmes have music 17 BR-We must retain a sense of humor to which I have studied using the traditional survive in the music business for so long methods. I play both ancient Japanese without killing each other or outside music and jazz on it. You can check that parties. We think our music mirrors the out on www.brianritchie.com human condition and humor is certainly DK-Improvisation makes up a large part of a part of that. People are free to relate to the Femmes songs. Does improvising make the music in any way they please. Some it easier to play the same songs night after people may not get our sense of humor, night? because it’s dark and dry in a midwestern BR-If we didn’t improvise a lot the band sense. Dutch and Japanese are baffled by would definitely not have survived for it, but maybe they are too serious about so long. We play a lot of songs like the music. The religious side of the lyrics recordings, and then on other songs we comes from Gordon’s background as a stretch out and jam. The arrangement fundamentalist Christian, although he has changes with our moods or with whatever moved on from that in many ways. Music guest musicians we may have with us. is my religion, so the very notes I play are Hopefully when kids hear us improvising like a prayer. they will want to try it themselves and DK-The blend of sexual and spiritual themes check out other improvising musicians. in your music is intriguing. Are there any Personally I think a musician who can’t other musicians/writers that that you feel improvise is not a complete musician. are in the same vein? DK-What’s it like touring now as compared BR-Personally I don’t think our music or to touring in the 80’s and 90’s. Do you ever performance is very sexy. I certainly don’t get tired of playing “Blister?” find the other members of the band to be BR-It’s remarkable how much the shows sexy, although it’s undeniable that I am a have stayed the same for us over the sex god. I tone it down on stage in order decades. We’re still playing for the same not to overshadow my colleagues. If there kinds of people. The only big change I are any people who might be in the same can think of is that we now have a lot of vein I would say young Lou Reed, Peter Hispanic fans, which is great. That wasn’t Sellers, Nick Drake, Prince, James Brown the case 20 years ago. We never get sick of and Albert Einstein. playing our hits and seeing the audience DK-Your playing style has influenced many explode. bass players over the years. How would you DK-What do you like to do outside of playing describe your playing style and why the music? acoustic bass rather than electric? BR-My most regular extra-musical BR-My playing is based on the concept text: activities are biking, cooking and going that if Agit encancy FB be, done on the bass, then around in nature. We also love to read a lot it’s OK.bold God, 10pt didn’t. , give it 4 strings and height= 75%, of existential literature and watch foreign numerouswidth= frets 110% so that we hang around on films. Golf is another pastime. the bottom 5 notes all night long. Most of DK-Do you still get to spend time with the my musical influences are not bass players, rest of the band when you’re not playing/ but other wild instrumentalists such as recording? John Coltrane, Jimi Hendrix, Syd Barrett, BR-Sometimes we socialize outside of the Sun Ra, Steve Lacy and Tom Verlaine. My professional realm. We have a lot of mutual inspiration behind playing acoustic bass friends. We also hang out at funerals and guitar is my love of jazz and folk music. I weddings together. My kid and Victor’s kid like the sound of acoustic music, but I also went to school together. So there is some like to rock out. The combination is the overlap between our professional and essence of the Femmes formula that has personal lives, but generally we probably proven to be so durable. get enough of each other on the road. DK-I have read that you play many different Sometimes too much. I hang out with instruments. How many are you up to their wives more often than with the other these days? Do you get many chances to band members. incorporate these instruments into the DK-When you guy’s come to Raleigh, can I Femmes music? I noticed that you have buy you some drinks? studied shakuhachi music, what exactly is BR-Sure, if you bring along that cute that? tattooed dwarf girlfriend of yours! Last BR-I think of musical instruments as time she was the life of the party. How tools. Just as you need more than one on earth did she do that thing with the tool to builad a house you need a lot of coconut, the steel wool and the rubber instruments to make a good recording snake? I’ve never seen anything like that, or to perform a show without boring not even in Copenhagen. people. Most instruments are related, so after learning 4 or 5 it’s not too difficult Thanks! See you July 16th to transfer those skills to anything that comes into my hands. My current love is 18 the shakuhachi, a Japanese bamboo flute, 19 Ash need matching suits, and you sure as hell don’t need Meltdown choreography. You need the tunes. The Cherry Valence upstage headliners Black Sabbath themselves on this Record Collection has the tunes. It’s not unbridled fury; the punk rock and summer’s Ozzfest tour. - Rawls roll blast beats invariably age poorly. It’s not cock rock posturing; nobody would buy that shit anyway. It’s an Damien Jurado amalgamation of a bunch of blue-collar rock kids from On My Way to Absence the dirty south that just happen to have prodigious Secretly Canadian talent, a working knowledge of their influences, Oh, Damien Jurado, how do I love you? Let me count and very respectable histories. If you consider that the ways. Your soft hands and feather touch. Your The Cherry Valence’s current members have played tender voice. And your use of ambient, understated math rock, experimental hip-hop, pop-rock, and in samples, Urge Overkill respectively, you get the idea that this sprinkled about like a dash of garlic in my beef stew. band could probably do anything they want to do. Damien, thou are blessed. In all honesty, the genius of Fortunately for us, on TCV3, what they want to do, quite Jurado’s third Secretly Canadian release, On My Way simply, is rock. “Low Class Warrior” blasts out of the gate to Absence, lies in his vivid storytelling and effortless with a drum intro that lets you know how it’s going arrangements. Tracks like “White Center” and “Big to be for the duration; soulful rock and roll held by a Decision” grow addictive after a single listen. Whether tether that extends just shy of oblivion. From the MC5 you’re nursing a broken heart or just nursing a Miller white boy soul of “Only Game In Town”, to the Zeppelin Light, Jurado’s got that soothing, aloe vera touch. Like tinged chorus of “Someway Somehow”, and back to Sea Change, Nebraska, or Blood on the Tracks, it’s got a the Kiss meets Ramones boogie of “Caves Of Steel”, melancholy hopefulness that grips you. On tracks like The Cherry Valence prove that they have successfully “Big Decision”, he stretches a single phrase like, “Got a harnessed a great deal of their live energy and power lot of problems, think I’ll work it out” into a four minute for the transfer to disc. Fortunately, there is still a little Five albums into one’s career, you’d think that one hypnosis. While he picks typical weapons from the left over that you can witness first hand at their cd mellow indie-rock arsenal like swirling, jangly, “is that would have some cohesive chops and a certain level release party July 8th at Kings. - Lowe of songwriting maturity, or at least a definite style and in tune?” chords and lo-fi aesthetics, he still shines. Like any great writer or poet, he leaves just enough holes in sound. But Meltdown, the latest for the UK-based Ash, Bruce Dickinson is too damn derivative. And I like Britpop. I may have his lyrics to seem cryptic, yet evocative. That’s right; it’s Tyranny of Souls what he doesn’t say that moves you. Not every track is had unrealistic expectations going in, considering the Sanctuary Records fact that I found the one-minute-fifty-seven-second a golden nugget, but the final track, “A Jealous Heart is gem, “Pacific Palisades”, on their last album, just perfect a Heavy Heart”, closes the for mixtape filler. ButMeltdown has more overdubbed deal. Intoxicating, powerful and timeless. Damien may chipmunk style vocals that you can shake a stick at. be on his way to absence in the eyes of a former lover, Don’t judge me too quickly for saying that my tastes but not in my CD collection. Bonus! In perusing the have progressed past the big Pro-Tools choruses and liner notes, I spied not only another of my personal power chord dynamo of modern pop rock. Maybe I’m favorites Rosie Thomas on backing vocals, but also, just old and cranky, but I highly doubt any track found gasp, a fellow known as Eric Bachman. If you know here could handle the pressure of an O.C. soundtrack. the name, add five points to your local music trivia Maybe it’s the curse of over production or maybe it’s subtotal. – Wolf the sin of sub-standard songwriting, but all this record proves is that Ash is finally on the fast track to 96 rock Monsonia programming, video game soundtrack glory and the s/t used CD bin at Record Exchange. I hate to have to use self released their own words against them, but examine the lyrics Monsonia, a local trio consisting of David Alston, of their “political” track, “Clones”. “Shame, everyone’s Carter Browning, and Andy Willard churn out a nice the same, I thought you stood alone.” Exact-a-mundo. piece of work on this five song ep. For the most part Been there. Done that. Is this Britband power pop the start/stop dynamics, loud drums, and bass convey sugar candy for the kiddies? You betcha. Is it cliché and a Shellac vibe ... nothing wrong with that. The final disappointing? You bet your sweet Aspercreme. -Wolf song, “Comedian=Assface” recalls the earlier years of Unwound, albeit with a funnier song title. - Rawls Caribou Iron Maiden vocalist Bruce Dickinson last released The Milk of Human Kindness a studio solo album in 1998, when he was neither Odawas The Domino Recording Company in Iron Maiden, nor employed as an airline pilot The Aether Eater The product of one man musician/ production guru (presumably for a charter service). Yet even though he Jagjaguwar Dan Snaith, Caribou used to release music under the now has those two duties taking up his time, he has “Manitoba” moniker until he was sued by former punk a new solo album entitled Tyranny of Souls released rocker Handsome Dick Manitoba (of The Dictators). on the sort of local label Sanctuary. Itwould seem I shit you not. Whatever name Snaith chooses to heretic to claim Dickinson’s solo work is better than publish his music under, one thing is for sure; You any Iron Maiden album, but keep in mind the quality should buy his albums if you appreciate incredibly of Maiden’s still stellar live sets are not due to songs infectious, intelligently composed music. The Milk from any album post 1988, so it is fair to say Tyranny of of Human Kindness brings to mind the pounding Souls is no worse than the past few Maiden albums. It James Brown “Funky Drummer” like percussion should also be noted that Dickinson released a rather and noisy psychedelic drone of Silver Apples, the consistent amount of solo work throughout the ‘90’s, longing, emotive vocal approach of Elliot Smith and 1997’s Accident of Birth is indeed stronger than the Nick Drake, and the hip hop/electronic production Blaze Bailey lead Maiden of that era. As with most of of such luminaries as DJ Shadow and Four Tet. This his Maiden lyrics, Dickinson’s knack for historic prose is a beautiful, intriguing album from start to finish. shows in most songs. “Kill Devil Hill” for example - Cardello combines that aspect with his love of flying...how else could a North Carolina town be name checked in one The Cherry Valence of his songs? Muscially, bassist Ray Burke does not TCV3 attempt Steve Harris’ galloping bass lines. There are Bifocal Media also no dual harmony leads. Producer Roy Z teams up How does one successfully fuse raucous, over the top, with Dickinson once again and also handles the guitar work. Most of his riffs recall thrash numbers from the dirty rock and roll with a graceful reverence for your Recorded in the seemingly placid confines of late ‘80’s (i.e. Exodus), the exceptions being the ballad predecessors? The Cherry Valence definitely knows Bloomington, Indiana, The Aether Eater, the latest “Navigate the Seas of the Sun” (it’s not so good) and the answer to that question, but even if they could tell release from the trio Odawas dives into some heady the last few songs which have more of a mid tempo, you, you probably wouldn’t understand. It’s not your terrain. Jagjaguwar (the label Oneida calls home) fault, though. There are more than plenty of bands Black Sabbath groove. “Devil on a Hog”, in particular, is out there right now that just don’t get it. You don’t quite good, but most likely will not be part of Maiden’s 18 need dirty fire-breathing amazon women, you don’t set list this summer when they will undoubtedly music 19 does not refrain one bit from playing along with the Denison Witmer grandeur visions of a “Camus-type anti-hero” traveling Are You A Dreamer? throughout these soundscapes. Blissed out Neil Young The Militia Group comes to mind on most tracks. “Song of Temptations” Denison Witmer is about to pull a one-two punch recalls a Traffic style jazz-rock exercise (don’t laugh). on his dark horse odds. Inconspicuous at best, Lyrically you can play the game and figure out the the ultra-folkie has been recording EPs and classic Homeric parallels and the nods to Dante’s full-lengths since 2000; other than serving as a Inferno. Musically, there are few flaws, if any, within this sonic predecessor to acts like Sufjan Stevens and well crafted psychedelic piece. - Rawls Devendra Banhart, Witmer has so far remained a welted contender with little chance for a K.O. - until Of Montreal now. Are You A Dreamer? , Witmer’s sixth album The Sunlandic Twins proper, certainly doesn’t break any new ground Polyvinyl Record Co. in the folk arena; it’s understated percussion and cautious harmonies suggest a formula most of us have heard before. Yet what differentiates Are You A Dreamer? from the likes of Steven’s Michigan or Banhart’s minimalist zinger Rejoicing In The Hands is simply it’s subject matter. Lukewarm to the trivialities of loves lost and found, Are You A Dreamer? wrestles Life down to a capital “L”. These are curious songs for the human condition and all of its contradictions. East contests West. Youth reviles old age. Sleep withstands dreaming. The secularist “places his stigmata on your hands”. And the further one explores Witmer’s lo-fi meditations, the more apparent his challenge becomes: can we actually “slow down to live our lives”? Which part is the dreamer, he asks, and which “part of you is dreamt”? To the cynic, it all might seem a little contrived, especially in a New American Century Of Montreal do the whole 60’s California gorged on corruption and post-modern listlessness. psychedelic pop thing. If you’re wondering what Thankfully, Witmer’s quiet designs aren’t so easily that means; think Pet Sounds era Beach Boys or disposed. After five years of virtual anonymity, he’s Sgt. Pepper from the Beatles. With The Sunlandic gone from sleeper hit to power shot, bouncing out Twins (the group’s 8th full length) mastermind of the final round with one bloody hell of a win Kevin Barnes has taken Of Montreal to a level of - and worth every cent of the gamble. Yes, Denison greatness that deserves a bit more attention than Witmer is a definitive dreamer, and he wants us to another Brian Wilson fixated release. This album dream with him. Even as Goethe said: “Dream no finds Barnes exploring playfully subtle electronics small dreams, for they have no power to move the that come across as fun rather than silly. Complex hearts of men.” - Pilkington song structuring keeps The Sunlandic Twins interesting while the album is far from being self consciously aloof. Wrap all of this in sun-drenched, saccharine sweet, pop bliss that has yet to make me sick and you’ll have a pretty good idea of what we’re working with here. - Cardello.

Robert Plant and the Strange Sensation Mighty Rearranger Sanctuary Robert Plant is a smart guy. He was the gold- draped front man of arguably the best rock band ever, and he could probably get away with a lot more career mistakes than he’s actually made. Sure it was painful at times to hear him stretch for his Barefoot patented ridiculously high notes during the No Quarter “reunion” tour, but not nearly as painful as watching Jimmy Page’s swollen face contort as he played his famously sloppy solos into mush. Press And it’s a little cringe-worthy to see him pop up on TV here and there swishing around like some abused tranny enchantress. But it’s not like that’s particularly unexpected behavior for Plant. Since Zeppelin turned down and eastward on III, he’s been a bit of a star-gazing loony caught in the desert somewhere. That’s why Mighty Raearranger is no big surprise. Its mystical flavor is par for the course, even though most of the songs here tend to get impressively weird at times before offering up some good old-fashioned riffage and Bohnamesque thunder. However there’s never too much riffage or thunder, and Plant keeps his pipes in the safe zone, eschewing studio trickery to hit any silly notes (for the most part; there are a couple interesting moments of surprise reverb.) The only real bad point is the hidden track, which uses a boring breakbeat to back up Plant’s repeated half howling of the term “shine on.” However, this avoidable exception just proves the rule that Mighty Rearranger is a document of an aging legend acting his age. - Gaddy

20 music 21 judge by the cover Biirdie And we all know that vampires can’t be Morning Kills the Dark out in the sunlight, so when Morning Kills Pop Up the Dark it can be shitsville for any vampire who doesn’t get some blood in the night. This month’s cover is about as nondescript Luckily for the beast on our cover, he’s as album covers get. It looks as though getting his meal for all the world to see. the photo is a close-up of an adoring So this is a vampire record, and that means man’s face nestling into the creamy it has to sound like Bauhaus. shoulder of a raven-haired lover. Which is really sweet, I suppose. Sometimes it’s The Actuality nice to see a picture of lovers enjoying closeness with one another that doesn’t Turns out Morning Kills the Night, despite include anything called “THE VIOLATOR!” or having a “Morning Side” and a “Dark Side” a very messy face. No, this is just a tasteful and lyrics like, “you’ve got darkness inside,” moment caught forever to adorn the cover is not ostensibly about vampires at all, and of an album called Morning Kills the Dark, it really doesn’t sound like Bauhaus. whose title suggests that the scene we When are people finally going to Weird. are seeing is a bittersweet goodbye after realize why I make mad cash for this? Anyway, MKTN is a collection of mostly a night of passion is being ended by the Biirdie are beyond a shadow of a doubt piano-based pop songs played at a approaching dawn. This being the case, mother scratchin’ vampires, Boo! leisurely pace with spaced-out electronic I’d have to say that MKTK is probably a It’s all right here. Take the name Biirdie atmospherics supporting sad sack he/ she somber collection of jazzier tunes, lazy for instance. The band could just call vocals. It’s all very pleasant and pretty and like the grayness of your beloved’s room themselves Birdie and be done with it, would serve as nice background music right when it begins to sink in that you are but they had to add an extra I, like a bird for watching the sunrise. Whether you’re going to have to leave sooner than you but different. Now, what’s like a bird but a sitting on your porch next to an overfull want. little different? A bat of course! And given ashtray or closing your casket for the night. Pretty straightforward, right? this information I would have to it’s pretty Wrong! obvious that the extra I is code for “Inject.”

20 21 Got Live, If You Want It by Russ De Sena Neil Diamond out to be scary diet pills, minus 10 points” Hot August Night being good examples. Mean-spirited Some of my earliest musical recollections My mom was wrong— the first live album banter adds to the chaotic fun. Flipper are of live albums. Before I even had a by Neil is his best, also recorded at “the rules, OK? record player, I wore out tapes of the Allman Greek.” It’s even got reviews already there Brothers Live at the Filmore East and Deep for you on the back. The Daily Variety says: The Osmonds Purple’s Made in Japan. Never mind that “ELECTRIC…his audience falls like plums “Live” the Allman’s set was their best release and at his feet.” Most of his best early tunes That’s right, a double live release from the Purp’s one of their worst. I loved ‘em are here, like “Red Red Wine” and “Cherry these clowns, four sides of screaming girls both. Perhaps it was because I didn’t even Cherry.” If only he dropped “Crunchy going apeshit over some Mormon kids in go to shows as a lad that these glimpses Granola” (wha?) for “Kentucky Woman,” I’d Elvis suits. They mangle some Motown, into the world of live performance had such call it a masterpiece. Unforgettable shot do a gospel medley and some REAL bad a pull. Nevertheless, one must come to the of a denim clad Diamond pretty much “love songs,” devour “Proud Mary,” even inevitable quandary of the issue at hand: if grabbing his weenie on the front cover. attempt some sort of “rock” on side 4, live albums rule, how come they also suck? though “Down By The Lazy River” is dumb, Bad sound, bass solos, dumb banter are all while the maniacal “Yo-Yo” swings so hard common culprits, but there’s something it HURTS. They end with “One Bad Apple,” gross yet fascinating about these things. which is really only the one good apple Just ponder the glories of Kiss Alive for a (it’s a good song, go figure) in a steaming moment. pile of worm shit. No, this one doesn’t rule, By the way, my parents took me to my sorry. first show. It was Liberace at the Garden State Arts Center, sometime in the mid- Kim Fowley 70s. Great show, too. Come to think of it, White Negroes in Deutschland my mom’s spinning of Neil Diamond’s Love This producer/writer/sleaze has been at the Greek around dinnertime probably pimping all kinds of musical scams (most has something to do with all this live famously as the Runaways’ manager) for fascination. I’ve acquired some real doozies years, and sometimes his bizarre solo over the years, here’s a few that rule and records are interesting: his 60’s single suck: “The Trip” is a weird psychedelic proto- rap, and his albums sometimes sound like Foghat fake Steppenwolf or fake Bowie. He even Live found time to do a sci-fi disco concept Yo La Tengo made a video with Bob and This one sucks and rules, with that queer album, ‘79’s Snake Document Masquerade. David from Mr. Show, in which they played fascination that only a live Neil Diamond Here we find a drunken Fowley tunelessly teachers at a “rock school.” One of their record can. It’s a real epic, complete with barking out tuneless bullshit over a lessons was “Your fourth album is double an overblown string section. Neil with the pickup band in Berlin ’92. Why, Kim, why? live, the Foghat rule.” I like the Mr. Show works. Possibly the worst LP I own, bar none guys, but dipwads, this LP is tastefully a (even the Osmond’s live one has one good single LP! It’s good too! Another thing we Flipper song!). “Heart of a Dog” and “Night Of hear about Foghat is that they “only had Public Flipper Limited Pagan Sex” both are GREAT titles, but this one song.” Even by the standard of what Legend has it that Flipper’s double live record blows. Imagine the most annoying got on the radio (as if that ever meant LP was compiled to collect the “worst” homeless guy fronting the worst white anything) Foghat had THREE radio hits, versions of their “best” songs, recorded blues band imaginable on a Tuesday. Now not just “Slow Ride,” but the blues tune over a six year period (‘80-’85). This means take away the comedy factor. Yeah, it’s “I Just Wanna Make Love To You,” and the you get a wretched, half-hearted “Sex that bad. awesome “Fool for the City,” all of which Bomb,” but also a sax-blasted dirge fest on sound even better here! I’ll admit that “I Saw You Shine” that melts the original. The “Home In My Hand” is the dumbest title Given Flipper’s willful obnoxiousness, Stones once put out a live album called ever, but it’s one of the three lesser tunes it all sort of works, meaning this sucks Got Live, If You Want It, and the title halfway that fills out the album, and I think it’s AND rules at THE SAME TIME. The cover suggested that you might not (as a a funny title, so the rule to suck ratio is folds out to form a Flipper On Tour board badly recorded mid-60s affair, it’s more definitely in Foghat’s favor. The picture of game which is a work of pure genius, a document of a teen riot than a piece the drummer ironing his clothes in a hotel including cards which give hints to the of music, not that THAT’s not interesting, room on the inner sleeve is actually topped guys’ unhealthy lifestyle choices: “Ted but…). In other words, when it comes to by the picture of some chicks wearing hats punches out promoter before band gets the live album, buyer beware. that say “fog.” Get it?! paid, minus 15 points” and “Free drugs turn The Return of the Juicebox An old lunch bag standard gets a twist of modern ingenuity By Charles Mangin juicebox doesn’t quite fit the easy access criteria. freeze our juiceboxes so they would still be cold Illustration by Ed Mardsen I remember fumbling endlessly with by the time fourth period lunch rolled around. sharpened plastic straws, stabbing ineffectually Maybe she came up with it on her own. Maybe I was at a housewarming party for a new at the tiny foil target with all my adolescent it was Good Housekeeping. Regardless, the idea coworker over the weekend. As I was told that awkwardness, usually managing only to break spread, and soon all the kids at my bus stop the liquor cabinet was already well stocked, I the straw in the process, rendering it useless for were packing the tiny frozen bricks with their welcomed my new fellow homeowners into the the task for which it was originally designed. lunches. It wasn’t long before we discovered fold with the customary bottle of wine (a tasty Eventually, I would resort to poking a hole with the effectiveness of the juicebox as projectile but unpresuming northern California Zinfandel). the tine of a fork or whatever sharp object came during a spontaneous rock fight one morning— While I added my offering to the growing to hand. The image of a classmate and daily and as icepack in its aftermath. collection and poured myself a glass from lunch companion of mine springs to mind, he Frozen, the juicebox also takes on added whatever was red and open, I noticed one of the took scissors from his backpack and hacked into dimensions and possibilities for consumption, other partygoers pouring himself a large glass the top of his juicebox in desperation, sending for those intrepid snackers not patient enough from what looked to be a tall juicebox. the liquid in twin streams over the lunch table. to let one thaw. I have fond memories of pulling “The package says it contains three glasses,” His name was Brian Hackbarth— I have a Hi-C from the freezer on summer afternoons Josh said. His name probably wasn’t Josh, and picking at it with a butter knife or spoon but I’m terrible with names, especially at for a cold, sugary treat. The victim was violently events where wine is served. “But in these relieved of its foil and cardboard skin, plopped glasses, it’s more like one. Maybe two.” into a bowl to catch runoff and the shards of He held up a massive goblet, two-thirds frozen debris pried loose by the implement of filled with the crimson liquid. I nodded in torture. Appropriately, the preferred chopping agreement, my mind struggling with the action with the butter knife utilized many of idea. the same muscles as trying to access a thawed It took me a few seconds to catch on. juicebox with its brittle, useless “sharpened” Wine. From a box. straw. Many childhood frustrations worked Sure, I’m familiar with the concept. My themselves out on the floor of my living room parents have been drinking the stuff for to the sounds of cartoons and the steady years; they get it at Sam’s by the gallon. The plink, plink, plink of dull butter knife on frozen top shelf of their refrigerator consistently grape juice. As each blow was driven home, features a pair of the cardboard cubes— my I imagined a straw, plunging into the bitter, father prefers red while my mother only beating heart of the horrid juicebox beast. ever drinks white. This hasn’t changed since How such a primal test of manual dexterity I was in middle school when the ingenious managed to become a feature of children’s concept of wine from a box was new and consumables, I’ll never know. Thankfully, the exciting. For my parents, there was no more no idea why his name comes so easily to single serving—sorry, “three” serving—wine fussing with corkscrews and corks for their mind a dozen years since I last spoke to him boxes don’t suffer the same design flaw. A evening’s apertif. For my friends and I, there while Josh’s escapes me. It may be that he was simple plastic screwtop reminiscent of those was no visible indication that a dram had been probably the first person I ever saw spew grape on modern paper half-gallon orange juice snuck from the “bottle” while they were at work. juice out his nose. and milk cartons reveals an opening intended I know now that what issues from the pour In the natural exploration process every for pouring, rather than direct consumption, spout of those boxes is typically considered child goes through, he had discovered that, though it would easily accommodate the girth unworthy of the label “wine,” but we didn’t by blowing into the straw, thus inflating and of a plastic McDonalds milkshake straw. know any better back then. pressurizing the juicebox, the liquid contained As the partygoers assembled on the porch The box wine revolution came about the therein would stream out under the resulting to smoke, the wine juicebox was an instant same time that I stopped buying lunch at school pressure into the drinker’s mouth. We didn’t conversation piece. Someone else remembered every day and started bringing my own. Thus, know it at the time, but the end result is seeing similar containers in a grocery store in I was introduced to box wine’s little brother, essentially the same as shotgunning a beer. Italy, and had thought such things a strictly the juicebox. In those days, I had a friend who Every child who has drunk from a juicebox more European product. However, they’ve finally always had stashes of Capri-Sun foil pouches than once has tried this; it’s one of those things made their way Stateside. It seems some of the in his fridge, but even then those seemed we each discover independently. Hackbarth was boutique markets and hippie-run grocery stores a novelty to me. It felt a little like drinking always one to take things a little too far, to the in this area have begun to carry them. The orange juice from a mylar birthday balloon. No, point where he choked on a jet of pressurized merits and advantages of such packaging over I decided, the future wasn’t pouches— it was grape juice and most of it escaped through traditional bottles are readily apparent: travel, boxes. Boxes could be stacked three or four his nose amid the resulting spluttering and picnics, concerts and other venues that prohibit high, stood on the refrigerator shelf without coughing. glass containers. slumping or falling over, and didn’t burst when Another thing we all seem to have Beer bottlers have been tackling the same thrown into a backpack or stuffed into the discovered on our own was the powerfully problem of late, with aluminum and plastic bottom of a lunch bag with a half-smashed loud sound of an exploding juicebox. Emptied bottles hitting the shelves, though they seem peanut butter sandwich. Certainly the idea was of its liquid contents, then reinflated, the hole more a novelty than a real solution. For those as valid for wine as it was for Hi-C. Bucking the plugged with the included straw tied in a knot, of us who grew up with juiceboxes, on the bottle tradition meant more efficient use of the device became a ticking timebomb. Who other hand, wine in little boxes doesn’t seem space on the shelf and, in shipping, packaging would answer the challenge and stomp on it, so odd by comparison. I expect they’ll be that wouldn’t break, crack or chip if treated a earning respect for a day and risking detention very successful, especially considering the little roughly. I’m not sure which was introduced more certainly than the winner of a round of new Sideways-spawned wine culture that first, but the concepts were clearly related: “Chickenshit?” has emerged recently. nfortunately, Josh disposable containers, foil-sealed for freshness, Yes, the humble juicebox was a font of ideas. reported that the quality and taste of the wine with easy access to the liquid contents. I’m sure In those simpler days before Martha Stewart didn’t match the excitement produced by its it made someone quite rich. began intimidating the suburban homemaker, container. “It still tastes like wine from a box, Though on second thought, the kids’ I wonder where my mother got the idea to after all.” And, I suppose, that’s what it is. A Documentary in Contradiction The Full Frame Documentary Festival: as seen through the eyes of your local curmudgeon.

By Michael Israel Gorelic progressive, I think our measuring stick needs And god-forbid an independent film does to shoot higher than, say, maybe comparing our well, then the independent movie houses just It’s been four months since Full Frame has hometown to Charlotte or even Atlanta. I often clinch their needy fists and hold on. The best come and gone, bringing with it for four wonder why it is The Triangle can support the sign I ever saw was after Crouching Tiger Hidden fortune days: over one hundred documentaries country’s largest documentary festival but we Dragon out played its welcome, the Marquee which the inhabitants of the Triangle, Funky can’t get more documentaries playing here on above the Rialto mysteriously changed to” Town, Realitywood, Creative Center of the a regular basis, or for that matter why we can’t Crouch Drag On.” Southeast or whatever you decide to call this keep obscure independent films around longer Of course maybe I should just thank area wont see the likes of again. Well, not until than a weekend. Even those of us who love the

next year when it starts all over. During the independent films we do get have got to admit my lucky stars that during four days in festival, I perused the movie sections of area it would be nice to see a little more selection. April the heavens open up and bring to newspapers, enthralled by the shows at the But check the above mentioned movie sections this geometrically challenged area films of Galaxy, the Colony, the Rialto, the Chelsea and and you’d find one lonely page colored with tremendous plight, insurmountable obstacles the Carolina Theatre, but not without some big Hollywood movies and a few lonely ads for that have been overcome and insights into skepticism. I knew it wouldn’t last many more independent cinema. While it is true, Carolina the human condition. Sure four out of three than the four days Full Frame was in town. Theatre and the Chelsea do an excellent job hundred and sixty five days is better than And so it goes, although we Triangle movie of procuring more underground films, it’s nothing, but for me it’s only a mild ball tickle, enthusiasts pat ourselves on the back for being apparently not profitable for those films to not really the entire slap. In the end the glorious show longer than a week. One has to imagine Full Frame Documentary Festival leaves me this is because the community here just doesn’t hungry for a town of a different shape, with 24 come out, or more likely, isn’t large enough. something more to offer, a trapezoid perhaps? The films at Full Frame were, as usual, what kind of intelligent question followed exceptional; the venues however left much his maestro comment. It could have been the to be desired. This year over 19,000 people smartest thing any man or woman ever said, attended, surpassing the previous year’s but after maestro, anything else that left his records. Two hour stretches tethered, at times mouth was just a joke. I felt bad for Martin. He riveted, to an unforgiving seat yields a great did what anyone would do when faced with pain in the ass. Do that four times a day, for such a tool. He tucked his head down into his four days straight and you’ll soon notice a chest and under his breath he said “thank you.” knot forming in the lower part of your back. You could barely hear him, but he did. I had Hopefully it’s not malignant. Thank god for the hoped that the recorder picked up my obvious hotel bar next door. Wedding chairs awaited disapproval of the question when I muttered the audience at the Armory; where I attended under my breath, “oh god what a stupid fucking Three of Hearts, Backseat Bingo, Self-Made Man thing to say.” I hoped the geeky little twerp and Goody Goody. The wooden edges of the standing before me recorded those words and back support dug into the middle of my back. got back to the office to listen to his coveted I wondered if Torquemada and the Marquis question. de Sade worked hand-and-hand in designing At this moment I imagine him as he presses the seating for the festival? The films were the play button. The earplugs couldn’t be some of the best I had seen all weekend, but shoved in any tighter. His mouth curls up with as it goes with over one hundred films on the first sound. He hears his voice crack, and display, I apparently missed many of the crowds then the sound of someone saying “ What favorites, and one that although didn’t win any a stupid fucking thing to say.” I could only awards at the ceremony, did win the hearts of imagine the sleepless nights this bird would those who sat in on its premier, 39 pounds of have. Needless to say, my questions—none of Love, a film about a man named Ami, who at which started with— Maestro or Conductor age 34 is only 39 pounds. He has the use of only or God—had not the slightest chance of one finger and makes a living as a 3D computer being asked. All I really wanted to know was animator in Israel. The film takes us through if Martin had a chance to see any other films, his life and his journey back to the doctor who and which ones he thought were standouts? I told him when he was a child that he would guess I wanted to sit down with the man. Not never live past six. How’s that for a doc that will treat him like a famous director or for me to be probably never play in this area again? some star-stuck freak: but to just sit and talk At the Fletcher I caught Bearing Witness and ask and listen. That would have been great. on opening day and Murberball later in the I suppose I wasn’t living in Realitywood that weekend. Bearing Witness was a film that dealt weekend. with female journalists in the middle of the Iraq In between films my friend informed me of war. It was your typical Koppel documentary. a game she made up called “spot the European”. While it never truly moved me, I know many We extend it to spot the Southerner, the New people I spoke with afterwards talked about Yorker and The Californian as well. What was how much they enjoyed it. Later in the festival truly hard was distinguishing the European I ran into a friend. We caught a few movies from the Canadian. I decided stripped shirt and together: Murderball, For a Miracle, Same Sex stripped socks, Canadian. All others were a toss America and Following Sean. Murderball, this up. Truly, I felt ant like at this festival. Rushing year’s Audience Award Winner, tells a story from venue to venue, trying to get in to see this about paraplegics and the steel crunching film and that, each time hoping it would not be game they play with their modified wheelchairs a dud doc. With a jam-packed schedule like this called Murderball, now termed Wheelchair you can’t afford to pick a dud, and so festival- Rugby. It’s an inspiring look at this unique goers read the movie schedule as if it were a sport and into the minds of the disabled well worn out racing form. men determined to do something physically “ I hear The Staircase pulled a muscle during remarkable. Same Sex Marriage dealt with last warm-up.” year’s battle to allow gay and lesbian people “Looks like Z Channel has no way of placing to marry in Massachusetts, and Following Sean this year.” traced the path of the director as he searched Got to make sure you pick the right horse to for a young hippie boy he first met and filmed run with. Do it right and you can ride that baby during San Francisco’s infamous Haight Asbury into conversations for months, even years, to days. I enjoyed the bit of it I saw but had to come, but you can only talk about a mediocre depart early to attend a press conference with movie for so long before you start tiring of it. Martin Scorsese. And there were many great films. I hope some As Festival Board Chairman, Scorcese was of you will go online and look for them. Check there to pay tribute to Italian director, Vittorio out PBS and Frontline. Go to your favorite video De Seta. De Seta uses his quiet documentaries store and demand more documentaries. Do to depict everyday life in Southern Italy. The the same thing to every theater and Cineplex press conference was held in a sardine can you cough up 8 bucks and climbing at (you’re of a theater where we were told Martin only paying city prices after all). The only way to get had twenty minutes. In the end, that came out change is to demand it. If we’re going to call to only four questions. Two questions deep ourselves a progressive documentary savvy and the guy next to me got picked. With his film community, well then, dammit, we had recorder in hand, he got up proudly on what better start walking the walk. Otherwise, we’re looked like his tippy toes and said “thank just another geometrically dysfunctional town. you maestro for being here….” I wanted to hurl. He continued, “ How important is the 24 film preservation society….” It didn’t matter Getting Frisky from on high (presumably to make sure you has an extensive adult video collection, with don’t chaz on the merchandise), but a counter over 7,000 titles, focusing on top-of-the-line Anyone who has ever ventured inside one of like those found in any other store in the world. productions. They also have the Liberator Ramp, the adult news stores on Capital Blvd. knows Like Hallmark. Let the fun begin. Wedge and "ottoman" that can be used as a the drill—get the gear and go. The atmosphere Moving further into the store, you are support during sex to try new positions or make of those locales promotes a don’t-make-eye- invited to start off slow by delving into a small the tried and true even better. You just have to contact-don’t-loiter-and-never-ever-ask-for- collection of sexy skivvies, including crocheted see them in person to truly understand what expert-advice kind of attitude. To avoid the bikinis hand-made by a local designer, corsets they can do. And if you still can’t figure it out, sleazy, furtive feelings one can get from such and an extensive collection of hosiery. For those don’t be afraid to ask. They will tell you and your places, many have turned to the Internet for a who wish to jump right in, a sly step to the left partner all about it. happier shopping experience. Devoid of human will introduce you to the toys. And, boy howdy, Frisky Business Boutique is all about contact, people are left to guess about the the Frisky Boutique has some toys. They have catering to couples. They encourage customers products they are buying, often spending a ton nice little displays arranged throughout the buying toys for loved ones to bring them of money on something that may not function store featuring some of the store faves. Also with them so as to get the most out of the correctly or do exactly what it promised. set up is a nice display table with a number products. They also have seminars. Last month How does one get the skinny on some of of dildos and vibrators, a mountain of mojo they had one on exploring the G-spot and this the products they’ve seen or heard about or that includes almost the whole collection of month’s is all about discovering the secrets to find something new with which to tantalize Fun Factory silicone goodness. Curious about anal pleasure. The sessions cost $5.00 and all a partner? The Frisky Business Boutique just the Audi-OH vibrator? There is a demo area proceeds are donated to the National Breast might be that place. where they’ll hook it up to some sexy sounds Cancer Foundation. Open since August of last year, the boutique to show you the vibration. And if you can’t While they are clearly interested in is a refreshing departure from the “video and find what you’re looking for on the table, don’t “accessorizing your love life,” don’t feel like you news” shops and one that gives sex the respect worry; a sexuality specialist will open any of the have to go slinking into Castle to get some tools it deserves. You can tell from the parking lot products up to show you how it works. for self-pleasure if you’re not in a relationship. alone that Frisky Business is different. The And there are plenty of products. They have Walking in solo, you can get some useful building is tasteful and sturdy; it has windows glass toys from Phallix, Tantus and the original information, eye contact (HUH?) and maybe and a nicely landscaped area out in front. creator of the Rabbit (as seen on “Sex in the a nicely wrapped boutique gift for yourself. Strolling through the door, you are greeted by City”), Vibratex; sheets and harnesses from Welcome Triangle shoppers, to the modern age the person behind the counter—and it’s not an Sportsheets; and "toy boxes" that come with a of sexy retail! imposing counter from which the clerk watches lock and key just to name a few. The boutique

cartooned drawing of a sweaty, lascivious man a long, hard 16 to 32 pages, have shattered This is not your Father’s Porn… excited about the "really dirty comics" inside. that notion. Featuring a variety of characters, Confused, I pulled it off the shelf, cracked it cartoon or otherwise, like Betty Boop, Blondie, It’s your Grandfather’s. open and found myself staring at Donald Duck Mutt & Jeff, Jimmy Durante, Mae West, Joe Louis, giving it to Minnie Mouse from behind. Lo and Mussolini, and Aunt Jemima, these publications Recently, while looking through an old Utne behold, this is how I was introduced to the had only one thing on the brain, SEX. Reader filled with sex articles (you know, to Tijuana Bibles, the title of this book as well as Within these pages sex is a solution to a get a neo-hippie outlook on eroticism) problem, a way to pass the time or I came across an interesting bunch of sometimes an accident waiting to fun sexual facts pulled from the book happen. The “plots” cover everything: Useless Sexual Trivia: Tastefully Prurient Olive Oyl’s sexcapade with Wimpy— Facts About Everyone’s favorite Subject by whose penis is as large as his love of Shane Mooney. Not only did I learn what hamburgers—as he saves her from the word prurient meant—something loneliness while Popeye is away; marked by or arousing an immoderate high-society ladies forced to sell their or unwholesome interest or desire—but bodies for money to buy the clothes I discovered that the Cherokee word and stockings no longer provided for for the female crotch area, tupuli, them during the Depression; coffee is translated to mean feathered breaks for Dagwood— which are less flying serpent. Other pieces of trivia: about coffee and more about getting statistically, Australian women are most busy with the ladies provided by Mr. likely to have sex on the first date; Jewish Dithers (who never struck me as the Mishnah states that an unemployed man perks-of-the-job type of boss), to give it to his wife once a day, since there accidental phone booth trysts that are no excuses; Polynesia may be the best place the nickname of a collection of pornographic occur just because a man and a woman got to on earth to get laid; Rasputin had a 13-inch cartoons produced and distributed “by a the phone booth at the same time. dick; and jazz fans, gun owners and people who shadowy criminal underground” from around The quality of artwork and storylines vary as lack confidence in the Commander-in-Chief the 1920s through the 50s and early 60s. much as the reasons for sex in this book. Some are getting busy the most (which explains a lot Blame it on my mother’s love of the old of the works are beautifully drawn, probably about Bush’s supporters). My interest piqued, I black & white films of her youth, but I have the work of a professional cartoonists of the ran to the nearest Borders to see if they had this always held an unrealistic nostalgia for a simpler time, while others are amateurish with drawings book in stock. What I found instead was neither time of innocence portrayed in these flicks. Well, a level just above stick figures. None of these tasteful nor factual, but most certainly prurient. until now. You could say that the “bibles,” which little bibles would ever take an award for their Peeking out from the top shelf was a were most often eight-pagers, but could reach 27 literary accomplishment; but many are witty and can induce a chuckle or two. Others are barely intelligible, not that I think that anyone was reading them for the … okay, not that I think anyone was “reading” them. Oh, but they seem to have sold like hotcakes, though it’s hard to pinpoint a number. Little is known about the artists, all anonymous, where the publications were put to press and who was in control of the business—though some speculate that it may have been a mob production. Because of the nature of smut and the illegality of distributing the "fuck" books, no one was quick to stand up for recognition. To this day, only a couple of writers have been identified in an“ I knew a guy, who knew a guy, who knew another guy” sort of way, though some research does exist THAT SAYS WHAT?. What is fascinating—once you get over the disproportionally large penises that would definitely split a woman down the middle and the horror of seeing Mickey, Donald, Lou Gherig, Hitler and many, many more graphically depicted in a wide variety of positions—is the peek into an era most of us know nothing about. There are tales about the Fuller-Brush Man—the traveling salesmen of Grandma’s youth—and take offs on the adventures Mutt & Jeff, one of the earliest comic strips ever invented. Moon Mullins, another comic strip of the 30s, employs a number of different positions to popular song titles of the time. Comics were just one venue for the “bibles.” Lou Gherig, Mae West, Clark Gable, Max Baer, Al Capone, Joan Crawford, WC Fields, Benny Goodman, Laurel & Hardy, the Marx Brothers— really anyone or anything that had a role in popular culture was fair game. Stereotypes are rampant. “The Iceman and the Cook: A Piece for the Box” portrays a “love” affair between a tiny, handlebar mustached Italian man (the iceman) and a big-boned Irish woman (the cook). Replete with accents and spaghetti references, these simply drawn characters take-a offa da clothes one fine marnin. In another “A Sailor Finds Out if it’s True What They Say about Chinese Girls.” In books with a black cast, the characters, including Joe Louis, are most often portrayed with black-face. A definite sign of the times. Historical figures (for us) were considered sexy enough for the books. Ghandi, who was known to sleep with young virgins to prove his discipline and virtue, passes out after some girls have their way with him. Chiang Kai- Shek rapes and pillages, while Joseph Stalin shows off “the biggest dick in Russia.” But the most mind boggling, gruesome and angry 16-pager seems to be the one about Hitler. Dating to the late 30s, Hitler is portrayed as a homosexual, who in between torturing and killing Jewish men, women and children, sucks off guards and punishes the hetero SS men by cutting off their penises and eating them for dinner. Not so sexy. The creator of that one, a man that Art Spiegelman refers to as Mr. Prolific because of the sheer number of “bibles” drawn by him, was not feeling so fuck-happy that day. Comments accompanying the reproduction speculate that the cartoonist was Jewish, which would explain the use of Yiddish sprinkled throughout the intro and how the evilness of Hitler could have overpowered a publication dedicated solely and wholly to sex. It also hints at the fact that many people knew what Hitler was doing at a time when concentration camps were said to be a well-guarded secret. This particular fuck book seems to be an anomaly, probably because Hitler didn’t really exude sex appeal. But it begs the question, why would a bunch of cartoon characters and caricatures be considered sexy and sell the way the Tijuana Bibles are thought to have sold. There are probably many reasons. The comic strip was a new invention. It could portray humans and human-like characters in a way that seemed less real. And because these books were published long before porn mags like Playboy made it to the surface, there was no competition. In fact, the “bibles” didn’t last very long after Hefner’s little mag arrived in 1953, ushering in a new era of living, breathing (but still pretty cartoonish) pin-ups. sex 27 Just a hunch… his twin brother surreptitiously stood in for the fry and sell it on ebay. Her decision proved What’s in a name? Sometimes a car loaded with him at a civic event. According to Reuters, Phil lucrative as the fry pulled in $197.00. Marland an illegal narcotic, or so it might now seem to Hardberger, 70, defeated Julian Castro, 30, by a plans to use the money to take her kids to Great the Roseville, Michigan police officers who margin of 51 percent to 49 percent. Identical twin America in Chicago. For her ability to think on her pulled over a woman named Denise Coke for Joaquin Castro rode in Julian Castro’s place in feet she wins the coveted Tip Card – a gold-plated speeding on Interstate 696 this past May. There’s the annual River Parade through downtown San card describing the many ways in which the joy of no word as to why police suspected Coke, a 25 Antonio on April 18, smiling and waving to the loving Jesus Christ is better than any amount of year-old Detroit resident, of possession of an crowd that thought he was the city councilman and money. Way to go Mindy. illegal substance, but after searching her car they mayoral candidate. Castro said his brother, who is uncovered 33 POUNDS of cocaine. Coke was in the Texas Legislature, was not impersonating Second Place arraigned later that week on a charge of possession him, but admitted that he used him as a stand-in Thomas Stefanelli with intent to deliver more than 1,000 grams of because he had a campaign meeting elsewhere. Pizza Delivery Driver cocaine—a crime punishable by up to life in Tampa, Florida prison upon conviction. A judge set her bond at Hippies Take Notice After being shot in the leg while delivering a pizza, $1 million. Roseville Police Chief Richard Heinz Authorities in Santa Rosa, California are on the Stefanelli continued on to the other four stops on said the cocaine had a street value of $7 million lookout for activists who apparently planted his run before taking himself to the hospital. to $8 million, but the drugs’ destination was not endangered wildflowers in order to block a For his act of totally unnecessary bravery he is immediately known. housing development. In a surprisingly effective awarded the love and undying gratitude of every example of hippie ingenuity, environmental fat lazy bastard on Earth. Congratulations Tom. Jesus Christ It’s Just a Game activists are suspected of transplanting the rare Following a disturbing display of violent geekdom, Sebastopol meadowfoam to the planned 145-unit First Place a Shanghai online game player who stabbed a Laguna Vista subdivision site –a development Jason Martin competitor to death for selling his cyber-sword has which borders a Fish and Game preserve and Busboy been given life imprisonment. Qiu Chengwei, 41, has been hotly contested by environmentalists Delray Beach, Florida stabbed competitor Zhu Caoyuan in the chest after concerned about nearby wetlands. State officials After spotting a forgotten cell phone on the he was told Zhu had sold his “dragon sabre,” used launched a criminal investigation last week to dance floor of the Cuban restaurant where he in the popular online game, Legend of Mir 3, the determine who planted the wildflower, but so far, was employed, Martin took it home to identify China Daily said. The game features heroes and there aren’t any suspects. And not everyone agrees the owner and attempt to return the phone. In villains, sorcerers and warriors, many of whom with the state’s finding. Phil Northen, a Sonoma their search, he and his buddies decided to go wield enormous swords. Qiu and a friend jointly State University conservation biologist and the through the phone’s address book. To their won their weapon last February, and lent it to Zhu, person who first identified the 22 plants spotted on amazement they discovered the numbers of who then sold it. Qui went to the police to report the 21-acre site, said he didn’t believe they were former presidents Clinton and Carter, along the “theft” but was told the weapon was not real transplants—an opinion to which investigators with former Vice President Al Gore and the property protected by law. He then took matters responded by rolling their eyes and calling digits of middle-aged celebrities like actor into his own hands, fatally stabbing the sleeping Northen a “goddamn lying hippie.” Michael Douglas and musician Alan Jackson. Zhu. In China, the number of online gamers All famous entries were promptly prank called. seeking justice through the courts over stolen Inane Observer Service Industry Awards The following day the phone rang and upon weapons and credits is increasing. According God knows preparing, serving and cleaning up answering it, Martin learned it belonged to to Wang Zongyu, an associate law professor at after other people’s food is usually a thankless caucasion embarrassment Jimmy Buffet. Like Beijing’s Renmin University of China, “The job. So in honor of the many, the stunted, and the the hero he truly is, Martin decided Buffet, his armour and swords in games should be deemed as stoned who go above, beyond, and way outside aides, and even his wife, Jane, were all pricks private property as players have to spend money the call of obligation in order to accomodate the and held the phone hostage for another day until and time for them.” But other experts have called paying masses we present the Inane Observer forced by loss of job and threat of arrest to turn for caution because the ‘assets’ of one player Service Industry Awards. it over to authorities. First, however, the cunning could mean nothing to others as they are by nature busboy removed the Ericsson’s memory chip, just data created by game providers. Third Place ensuring the need for all of Buffet’s famous Mindy Marland friends and political pals to change their phone Voter Trap Bartender numbers. For showing the world how even a lowly A retired Texas judge was elected mayor of San Walcott, Iowa busboy can alter the course of history, Martin wins Antonio in May following a runoff vote against Finding an 8” long french fry on a customer’s a crisp $100 tip in an upside down glass of ice a young city councilman who led the race until order about to leave the kitchen of the truck-stop water. Jason, you make us proud. diner where she worked, Marland decided to nab

T-Shirts Subscriptions The answers to the Trivia Quiz www.raleighhatchet.com Leslie Smith Businessman, Entrepreneur March 6, 1918 – May 30, 2005

Leslie Smith, co-founder of Lesney Products—the company who brought the world Matchbox Cars— died this May as result of health complications due to age. Smith and his partner Rodney Smith (no relation) started Lesney Products and not only made a name for themselves by creating tiny toy cars with opening door and working windshield wipers, but also by establishing some of the most Lesney’s women produced a million Matchbox toys progressive labor relations in UK history. a day. A British citizen, Leslie had been an export buyer The size of Matchbox cars — able to be clutched before joining the Navy as a signals rating in 1940. He by small hands — made them unique. And unlike was later commissioned and served at Dieppe and on American toy vehicles, which tended to reflect only D-Day in a motor torpedo boat. After the war he took America, Matchbox toys acknowledged the whole a job with a carpet firm, but he also invested in a side world. By the 1960s Matchbox cars were being venture with his friend, who worked for a die-casting sold in such toy-making powerhouses as Hong company in Enfield. They pooled savings of £600 to Kong and Japan. The company grew to 13 factories buy an old metal press and Lesney Products began in in Homerton, Hackney, Leyton, Harold Hill, Abbey The Rifleman, an abandoned pub in Tottenham. Wood and Peterborough, with a staff of 6,000. Rodney Smith eventually left the firm, emigrating Nevertheless, by 1969 Lesney was being challenged to Australia. In his place came Jack Odell, another by other toy lines, above all, Hot Wheels, from boyhood friend. His first experiment had been a tiny Mattel, whose range of cars was not aimed at loving steamroller, created for his daughter, who was bound collectors, but could reach high speeds, travel many by school rules not to take in any toy that could not feet with the slightest push and loop the loop on a fit into a matchbox. With Odell’s arrival, Lesney flexible track. Matchbox was sold to Universal Toys gained a highly inventive engineer with a love of in 1982, Smith staying with the company until the model-making. end. The brand is now held by Mattel. Matchbox was remarkably successful, and Smith continued active after leaving Lesney. He Lesney Products grew rapidly between the mid-1950s was chairman of the board of governors for two North and 1969. Leslie developed a particular interest in London schools, taking St Paul’s at Winchmore Hill labour relations—Lesney’s were among the best in from deep debt to £500,000 in trust. the country. Faced with the fact that women made the best toymakers, but had to get their children to and from school, he organised a convoy of double-decker buses to enable every worker to pick up their children. USELESS INFORMATION The Hatchet Trivia Quiz 1. Jamaica is a popular destination for female sex tourists. Every year thousands of lonely and overweight British, American and Canadian women flock to Negril to purchase a bit of “the big bamboo.” What do the male prostitutes call these women? a) Milk Bottles b) Big Mamas c) Pearly Whites d) Mamajamas

2. Though the study of time travel is still in its infancy, scientists today believe that 6. Compared to National Lampoon’s the foundation for proving that time travel Vacation, Christmas Vacation and Las is theoretically possible was laid in Albert Vegas Vacation what’s different about the Einstein’s: Griswold family in European Vacation? a) Theory of Relativity a) The children’s names aren’t Russ and b) Theory of Speciality Audrey c) Theory of Spatial Darkness b) They wear matching Wally World d) Theory of Special Relativity sweatshirts c) They spell their name Griswald 3. The stretch of highway 375 between d) They’re Jewish Alamo and Rachel, Nevada, which leads to Area 51, was officially named the 7 Where is the Hotel Yorba? Extraterrestrial Highway in 1996 by then a) Detroit Governor Bob Lewis. Still one of the few b) Memphis landmarks along the way, in the 1950s c) Chicago this location was a popular meeting place d) Nowhere – it’s fictional for locals to gather and observe strange otherworldly happenings: 8. Charlie, from the 1961 John Steinbeck a) The Cup and Saucer Roadside Diner work, Travels with Charlie, is: b) Santa Ana Observatory a) a boy from the Mexican city of Tecate c) Medlin’s Mailbox b) a bus driver d) Ruth’s Roadside 375 c) a poodle d) the author’s father 4. The song “Sea Cruise” written by Huey “Piano” Smith and recorded originally by 9. Which Siouxsie and the Banshees album Frankie Ford in 1959 has also been recorded features a cover of the Iggy Pop classic by: “The Passenger”? a) Jimmy Buffet, Dion and Clarence a) Hyaena “Frogman” Henry b) Through the Looking Glass b) Dion, Don McLean and Murmaids c) Zombie Birdhouse c) Herman’s Hermits, Jerry Lee Lewis and d) Peepshow Johnny Rivers d) all of the above If you speak of a Tennessee Traveler you are referring to a particular kind of: 5. In wheelchair basketball, a traveling a) horse violation is called if a player: b) hairstyle a) Moves the ball from one hand to the other c) bottle style without pushing the chair d) train car b) Pushes the chair more than twice without dribbling c) Pushes the chair more than once without Answers at www.raleighhatchet.com dribbling d) Dribbles with one hand while pushing the chair with the other Dear Claire, Pizza!) and buyer of wine for restaurants, my my question is, where can I hide my beer? I was eating dinner with my boyfriend in policy on selling wine was always simply to Help me Claire, you’re my only hope. a small restaurant a while back. It wasn’t be honest, as well as to not mark it up 300% Sick of Sobriety a special occasion date, but just a date as many restaurants do. (Fortunately the and so we decided on a $28 bottle of owners of the places I worked agreed with Dear Sick, Rioja. Our waiter informed us that we me on that aspect.) So the correct way to I know from experience that there is didn’t want that bottle because it was sell a better bottle of wine is first to know nothing worse than coming home after boring, and proceeded to suggest a $95 what you’re talking about, and second to a long night’s work looking forward to a bottle. We politely resisted and were suggest something maybe ten or twelve frosty adult beverage to find that some then suggested a $70 alternative. Again bucks more expensive (if you really think it’s asshole has drunk it all up. Well, actually we resisted. Our waiter told us that if we better) instead of sixty. If your suggestion is there are certainly worse things but that wanted a truly exciting wine experience, solid, the customer will have found a new is a real drag. I have never understood, which we had not asked for, we would wine they like and have a newfound faith through all my dealings with drunks of all opt for one of his recommendations. He in you and your place of employment. If by shapes and sizes (like the ones I’ll be seeing went on to tell us that if we didn’t like the chance you don’t know what you’re talking at “Smokin’ Sundays” at Moonlight), why wine we didn’t have to pay for it because about, be honest about that too and just the hell people who KNOW they’re going he would drink it himself. We finally tell them about which ones are well-liked to go out and party and KNOW they’re had to tell the man that we didn’t want or thought to be a good value by your going to want to keep partying after the to spend that much money—a detail I customers and/or coworkers. bars close don’t PLAN for these occasions thought we indicated by our original Yes, it’s oddly true there are people by having some hooch at home. What selection. out there who really enjoy having smoke would your hapless roommate do if not for I’ve waited tables for years and have blown up their ass (did I mention “Smokin’ YOUR careful planning for your after-work always believed it to be in poor taste to Sundays” at Moonight?) but I find thatmost recreation? try to upsell a customer to this degree. I people just appreciate a straight answer. For If you are determined to keep this suds consider it to be appropriate to suggest example, there’s a place I like to go for lunch sucker around, my best advice is to google a good bottle in the same price range (I won’t mention where since I’m about to “cool-it refrigerator” to find the best deal as the one a customer has ordered, but say their soup sometimes sucks) where the you can on a tiny, TINY fridge to keep locked never would I argue with someone’s employees will actually tell me the truth in your room. The Cool-it holds “six twelve- original choice. Imagine my shock when when I ask “How’s the soup?” If it sucks, they ounce cans or a couple of glasses of wine I learned this waiter was one of the say so and I LOVE THAT. Keeps me coming for that special someone (white zinfandel cafe’s two owners! So what is the correct back for sandwiches, if not soup. Actually, in the photo- VERY special)” AND it has an way to sell a better bottle of wine? And, I will mention the name (Cup-a-Joe at AC adapter. Wow. It IS an investment, but it’s how does one politely refuse such a Mission Valley) because I think the honesty an investment in your peace of mind, which suggestion? Furthermore, is it ever okay of the employees is more important than when you come right down to it is really to tell a waiter, or an owner, that’s he’s the sometimes shitty soup, and their other priceless, isn’t it? being way too pushy? food is really good. I suppose I should also Oh, and as for feeling retarded? Signed, add that I have had some very nice soup Welcome to my world, you are not alone. Cheap Date there when the employees recommend it. keep your suds to yourself, They’re good kids. With good taste. Claire Dear Cheap, here’s to straight shootin’ and Smokin’ Let’s take that last question first—it is on Sunday, PS to all- not sure if I mentioned this, but certainly okay to tell a server to lay off if they Claire I’ll be tending bar at Moonlight Pizza are crawling up your ass about anything. on Sunday nights- the only night of the Now, to be fair to the oft-misunderstood week that this usually non-smoking and maligned servers out there, it is Claire, establishment will be breaking out the possible that they are being pressured by I feel retarded for needing help with ashtrays at the bar- smoke ‘em if you got ‘em the management/owner to up their sales this matter but I am at my wit’s end. My ‘cause you’re not bumming them off me! and if they try in an inoffensive way and roommate keeps drinking my beer. He But I will be doling out the free advice, so leave you alone when you resist then I’d just always replaces it in a day or two but come on down! let it lie. As for an owner treating you that here’s the issue—I work at night and I way- I’d say it’s practically your DUTY to call often get home after 2AM. I leave myself them out- they need to know that they are beer in the fridge because I like to have a going to lose customers with that kind of few after work, but often I arrive home to attitude. I mean they guy basically insulted find the sorry bastard has drank them all. you repeatedly by trying to push you into I have talked to him. He’s very apologetic. If you have a question about love, buying wine that was twice or three times He says he understands, that he was lust or life you can contact Claire more expensive than what you chose. How drunk or that he “thought they were his” Ashby via email at twocents@raleig to politely refuse the suggeston? All you and he’ll buy more, but again, that’s not hhatchet.com, or write her care of should have to say is “thanks, but we’d like the issue. It’s illegal for me to bring beer the one we ordered” and that should be home from work and my boss is a dick The Raleigh Hatchet, the end of that. I probably would have just about it, so I can’t do that. 110 Glascock St. Raleigh, NC 27604 walked out on his pushy ass (depending on Otherwise, I like the guy. He pays his how hungry I was). rent on time and doesn’t leave his facial As a longtime bartender (by the way, hair in the bathroom sink-- and as these join me for “Smokin’ Sundays” at Moonlight qualities are rare, I’d like to keep him. So Get A

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