contents: 4. Consumer Hero This month your Consumer Hero Discovers July, 2005 how the mighty fall. By Tim Anderson 6. Alligators in Athens Inebriated Travelogue by Vince Camody Raleigh Hatchet 9. Art Thug 110 Glascock St. Metal Up Your Art- Drew Robertson hijacks Raleigh, NC 27604 our regular art column. Editor 10. Month of Art D.A. Nation 11. Gallery List [email protected] 12. Bars, Bars, Bars. Head of Production Let us be your beloved enabler by providing Bart Tomlin a comprehensive list of all the best places to [email protected] fall off your stool. Music Editor 15. Month of Music Jeramy Lowe [email protected] Hear it, See it, Love it. Find out who’s playing and where. Arts Coordinator 17. Violent Femmes Jimmy McDonough [email protected] interviewed by Dan Kuszaj 19. Listen Up! Calendars & Listings Reviews of new releases by Bruce Dickenson, [email protected] Odawas, Of Montreal and more Photographers 21. Judge By the Cover Sarah Pasell Jay Winfrey Can Robert Gaddy guess what’s inside Biirdie’s new jacket Contributors 22. Penalty Box Brittany Anderson, Tim Anderson, Matthew Anscher, Claire Ashby, Greg Barbera, Brian Bedsworth, Josh Bryant, Vince Carmody, Charles Cardello, Russ Desena digs through his crates to re- Mickey D’Loughy, Russ De Sena, Rose Dunnington, Cody Eyman, Greg veal some sweet live gems. Eyman, Brad Farran, Angel Femeister, Robert Gaddy, Shannon Gray, Brian Howe, Cheetie Kumar, Dan Kuszaj, William Lee, Libby Lynn, Charles 23. The Return of the Juice Box Mangin, Tanya Montoya, Ashley Nation-Gaddy, Sarah Pasell, Cy Rawls, Charles Mangin investigates new applications Drew Robertson, Phil Solesky, Marco Soto, A. Spencer, DH Westmoreland, for one our favorite lunchbox staples. Jay Winfrey, Nick Whitley, Eric Wolf, Joe Yerry, Jon Yu 24.A Documentary in Contradiction Illustrators The Full Frame Documentary Festival: Daniel Gallant, Daniel Lynch Ed Marsden, Kristin Matwiczyk, Chris as seen through the eyes of your local Plankers, Jer Warren curmudgeon. By Michael Israel Gorelic Advertising 26. The SEXist [email protected] A new(ish) boutique and some old dirty Distribution pictures. By Tanya Montoya [email protected] 28. Inane Observer Cover photos by Tim Anderson, treatment and layout by Bart Tomlin Introducing the IO Service industry awards. 30. Hatchet Trivia Quiz The Raleigh Hatchet is published monthly and available free of charge 31. Two Cents at select locations. All individual content is the property of its creator. Reproduction Ask Claire Ashby, and she’ll give you her two without consent is strictly prohibited. If you would like to distribute The cents-- for free. Raleigh Hatchet at your location please email [email protected] Please E-MAIL all press releases, submission requests and general inquiries to the editor. Consumer Hero This month your Consumer Hero discovers how the mighty fall position within it; I’d have to kill you... or faced motorcycle cop in Thelma and Louise myself, I can never remember which.) who apprehends Susan Sarandon and Wow… a state car. “I bet it will be white Geena Davis for speeding on the side of and have a yellow license plate that says that desert highway (well, at least before ‘Permanent’ on it,” I whispered to myself Geena pulls a gun on him, handcuffs excitedly, keeping those expectations way him and stuffs him in the trunk of his By Tim Anderson low. “It’ll have a radio and a backseat and own patrol car while he weeps like a two fully functional side view mirrors. It’ll little girl). Anyway, after my work is done When you’re a temporary state employee, have a right turn signal, adjustable seats, on site, I swaggered back to my Toyota you must accept early on that the and a passenger seat window that (unlike Prius, unloaded all of my gear (yeah, I said fringe benefits of the job are absolutely the aforementioned ‘89 Nissan pick-up) gear, who’s asking?), slid into the driver’s positively not going to include after-hours actually rolls down. And maybe, just maybe, seat, and consulted the GPS, whom I’ve lap dances on the company’s dime, coffee it will have a beverage holder.” Little did christened Ira, on the easiest way to get that doesn’t taste like it was brewed I realize how sweet the pot had actually from my current location in Sparta to through a bathmat or even a computer become. Reidsville. network sign-in name that doesn’t include I would be driving a Toyota Prius. A “And can you tell me if there’s a the word “temp.” It’s best to walk into Prius. The dream car of grown-ass hippies Hardee’s on the way, darlin’?” I sweet- the job with extremely low expectations, and the liberal media. For a few days a talked her even though she couldn’t hear that way you’ll be pleasantly surprised week, I would leave my reliable but very me or answer back. “Daddy’s hungry. It’s at the unexpected treats you find in the low-rent and undignified Nissan pick-up time for a Thick Burger.” workplace. Access to the internet, for truck in the office parking lot and reinvent A few weeks of this and the daily example. Your own phone extension. An myself on the road as a environmentally contemplations of suicide back at the honor system-based snack bar with a conscientious person with taste, class, and office seemed like a world away. Just a Styrofoam money cup in the refrigerator money to burn. In that Prius I would hook short time ago I was pushing pencils in and a wonderland of free paper plates and up my portable GPS system that would tell a soulless office, counting the minutes plastic cutlery on the counter. Reinforced me how to get to wherever I wanted to go, until I could conceivably go visit the water windows in your office that keep you from once I’d figured out how to use it. I would fountain again without raising suspicion, swan diving through the glass and into press every button in the car at least twice and now I was the new me, driving down the back of your ‘89 Nissan pickup truck (three times if it made something vibrate Route 22 with all of my toys just an arm’s that is as close to death as you would be at or move). I would try not to cry while length away. Of course, driving a car the point of impact. It is these things you marveling at the digital speedometer, with so many distractions is sometimes must convince yourself are worth coming the touch screen radio controls/multi- a hazard; the touch-screen display gives back to day after day, forty hours a week; informational display, the cruise control you animated diagrams of how the car is the things you try your best to imagine as switch, the outside temperature display, being powered currently (by the electric tiny gifts from your God, your governor, or and the instrument panel light control dial. motor and the battery? by the engine? at least your immediate supervisor. Driving the Prius across our great by sheer force of will?) and shows your But no matter how low your state— scanning my iPod for the proper consumption index, how many miles per expectations, eventually— like after, playlist, taking and making calls on my gallon you are getting, and how many say, eight months— even the profusion government-issued cell phone, consulting you’re averaging. Riveting viewing for sure, of dog-eared Steak Out coupons in the the GPS for the next turn I should make to especially if you are slow to catch on to the snack bar and the water fountain right get to downtown Siler City (or out of the easy logic of charts. outside your office lose the attractiveness ‘hood in Winston-Salem when I input the “Oh, I see!” I exclaim. “The electric motor they once had, and you find yourself at wrong address), basking in the ice-cold is charging the battery now!” your desk considering the fringe benefits air shooting out of the vents and onto my “Oh, dang! Now the battery is feeding of working at Starbucks (free whipped smooth, supple, alabaster skin— I became the electric motor and powering the little cream, slimming green apron, hat). You way better than everyone else. I mean tire thingy!” can imagine my delight, therefore, when waaay better. “Shit! It’s 92 degrees outside!” my assignment ends and I am promptly I arrived at my assigned locations, “Amazing! My average MPG is 45!” shuffled over to another branch to work exited my hybrid vehicle with my camera “Oh fuck! The median!” on a special project, given a new title, and (and my phone and my laptop and my I’ve had a close call or two, but I did it in charged with an important job for which clipboards and my manbag and my style and without screaming too loud. And I’ll be driving a state car, commandeering a government ID and my official ink pens), Ira the GPS didn’t break, thank you very GPS Palm Pilot, and carrying a fully loaded, and walked to my destinations with the much, she just got disconnected from the heavy, high caliber digital camera. (I can’t swagger, authority, and command of cigarette lighter and powered off when I tell you the name of the project or my James Bond. Or Godzilla. Or that stone- hit the brakes, all right? 4 consumer hero But the mighty must to the side of the road, always fall, mustn’t they? clambered out of the car Caesar did.