Sporting Chancellor Chemistry Evacuateci!
Total Page：16
File Type：pdf, Size：1020Kb
Bare Facts 26th April '96 University of Surrey Students' Newspaper issue 876 Sporting Chancellor In This Issue: ON THE MORNING OF TUESDAY the 23rd of April the University was cleaned and polished in readiness for the Chancellor, the ^Buke of Kent, to be shown ^Re sporting achievements of our University. The Duke first visited the Sports Hall where he was shown a Moggie From number of démonstrations by Hell members of the University. As part of his tour he took time to Page 5 talk to some students who where showing off their sports. The Chancellor then went on to visit the Varsity Centre where he was showed some of Sur- rey's outside sporting expertise. Chemistry Evacuateci! N THE LAST THURSDAY Obefore the Easter holidays, students and staff were evacuated from the AZ building because of Stress a suspected chemical leak. Firefighters, with breathing ap- Page 5 paratus, were called to the scene but later declared the building safe to re-enter. Although it has not been confirmed, rumours are circulating that the chemical may have been "Nesquick". The blame is being firmly put on the Bunny. A Trainer For The Future? versity. Elected at the National 1979 grant levels and against the Conference, he plans to build on current Student Loans scheme. Silly Cow? OUGLAS NUS's work fighting Student As Douglas says, "We have real DTRAINER was hardship and continuing fight- and positive ideas for change Page 7 ing racism and fascism on cam- and it's time for NUS to lead the elected as the new pus. National President of the way in a debate on the future of NUS this Easter. The conference also proved a éducation funding". tuming point as members voted Taking over from outgoing Sophie Rocks President Jim Muiphy at the end against the campaign to return to of July, Douglas is a 25 year old Student from Strathclyde Uni- 2 Letters/Editorial ^uvi ScUtót, worth a look. Unfortunatly A Collection Of Highly Having returned to Guildford they were not on sale, but we in readiness for our last term continued with raised spirits Developed Cells Or (third of a semester) we pre- to the area where we would pared for a visit to Téseos. We buy the King of Value Food. Just A Lump Of Papier arrived, looking forward to Sausages. converting our empty freezer Although officially "Pork Mâché? to the white and blue striped and Beef" sausages, the phenomenon known as questions on the other side! ! ! ! amount of meat in them has ITH FOUR 'Tesco Value Shopping". On always been open to question, WEEKS OFF arrival to the afore mentioned and they are ^ter all the best THE MIND Putting the cat picture to one establishment we were Value food available. haWs an amazing ability to side, I pulled over my calcu- alerted to the fact that some- Whether eaten in sandwiches, turn into a lump of lator in readiness to calculate thing was afoot as we were with eggs and bacon, or with something that can be the first answer. Here again greeted by a sign stating that rice forming a Risotto these my particular lump of soggy Téseos was not selling British were the saviour of Student best described as a heap Beef. As our budget rarely ex- of soggy papier mâché. paper let me down... I was Life. However, they were not fairly certain I understood the tended to purchasing large there. What apile of Pants!!! The mind's metamorphic portions of prime steak we ability was brought home to question. It was just such a were not overly concerned by Téseos are happy to sell you me over the holidays, when I shame that I couldn't remem- ber how to use my calculator this, but still felt that Téseos cigarettes and beer that gets swapped the lovely BF office (a fact that brought a feeling was falling victim to the un- cheaper the more you buy. for the slightiy nicer rooms of of dread to the lecturer). justified, media induced They encourage environ- the Continuing Education Luckily by utilising a highly moral panic that has spread mental damage by selling | Centre in an effort to leam complex learning process throughout Europe. How- "the cheapest petrol in town" some new facts. The initial (pressing a button and seeing ever, we continued forward at many of their stores, and by shock of having to sit and what happens) I was able to undeterred, past the maga- building out-of-town sites concentrate for an hour was leam the inner mysticism of zines and ventured into famil- that require increased use of quite hideous and it took me the calculator and proceed iar territory. cars. They promote these, all a day before I could fmd a with the next stage of learn- of which have strong scien- position in which to sit so that ing process... integration. First stop mince Beef and On- tific evidence proving the I could prevent my brain ftom ion pies. Although possibly damage they cause, yet refuse somewhat plain on their own, slowly draining out of my Well no one is perfect - inte- to sell us beef from old cows gration is still a bit of a mys- when covered in gravy and although there has been little head.... The cotton wool buds served with new potatoes and in the way of hard evidence in the ears certainly helped as tery but with further rehabilitation I may - one day a collection of seasonal vege- proving it is dangerous to cat. well. - be allowed back into an in- tables, a jolly tasty Sunday The shock of having to con- tellectual est^lishment such lunch substitute is formed. On a happier note remember centrate was nothing in com- as the early learning centre. However, could we find the that there are always Tesco parison to that first tutorial pies? Could we f#$k!!! Value Cornflakes and T.V. Rob Dorey Yoghurts to replace the loss however. Having absorbed a Communications Officer We then began the search for few lectures worth of knowl- of these great meals. Er, (of rapidly diminishing Shepherds Pies. We were not p'raps not!! edge we were quietly seated calculator skill) convinced that these would down and given some doodle [email protected] be on sale as even on a good Yours disgustedly, paper with which to draw I would just like to thank all day they challenge the limits The Beefy Brothers some pretty pictures. A wel- those who allowed me to get of what the poorest of stu- come break from ali that on the course and lay their dents will eat. But it was work, but it was not until I minds at rest that I did in fact had drawn a nice picture of leam something, so it wasn't Nominations are open my cat and had tumed over completely wasted on me. the sheet of paper that I dis- for Honorary Membership covered that there were some of the Students' Union Bare^ Facts -HONORARY MEMBERSHIP IS RESTRICTEJ TO PERSONS Ä University of Surrey Students' Newspaper HAVE RfflDERED OUISTANDINS SERVICE TO THE UNION" Union House, University of Surrey, Guildford, Surrey. GU2 5XH If you would like to nominate somebody, please Phone: (01483) 259275 write a letter to the President of the Fax: (01483) 34749 Student's Union explaining who you wish Advertising: (01483) 259275 Email: [email protected] to nominate and why. http://www.surreyac.uk/Union/barefacts/ The letter shouldbe signed by three full Editor • Rob Oorey SecreUry • Sophie Roclis members of the Students' Union with their Sporls Editor • Fitry Music Editor - Steeve French Union Card numbers. Contribulofsitribulofs; Bagpus and Emily, Jeff Blackham, Richard Bell, Catherine Bkkiey, BenI Pugh„ . , Campusport, Russ Clark, Lee Hopkins, Sally Kentfìekj, The Sabs, and many more.... Nominations will be considered by the »r .rm mfmf» -tUm «Jj?»"«»'.¿¡^¿¿¿t^ d M, MM' Ma • IWWàMyrfSany. Honorary Membership Committee —aericisrruF—- e Bm fku wussu 1 S9£ Nominations close on Monday 13th May, 1996. Features 3 Cheesy Quavers G'day we'd still end up spending Devices like these are simply Eighthly, we firmly believe most of the time arguing about harmless wish-fulfillments, that we can repair virtually A few weeks ago I wrote about the quickest way to the M4. which is why marketing mag- anything, given time and a re- how women are really just nates know that we are suckers ally good set of tools. Reality space aliens. Interestingly, Thirdly, we are far more likely for anything labelled 'profes- has it that this is half right. We some of these aliens have to succumb to the allure of a sional' or 'industrial strength'. excel at being able to break asked me to put finger to key- new video/computer game Your average 35mm s\i cam- down a washing machine or a board and give them some of than a woman. This is because era used to be silver-bodied, motorbike engine into its com- the good oil on we mascuhnes. of a recently discovered gene until it became known that the ponent parts in next to no time. How could I refuse such a gen- — the videogame gene. professional photographers But this is where the muse tle request? Especially at Women don't have this and always had black-bodied cam- leaves us and we're usually phaser-point. So, in the inter- thus cannot comprehend our eras. Now try buying an off- satisfied with leaving the parts ests of peace, love and har- desire to waste large chunks of the-shelf silver camera; we spread on newspapers over the mony (with Michael dancing our life zapping things to instinctively know that no-one kitchen table.