NOVEMBER 2005
2005 CONFERENCE PLATINUM SPONSORS www.tloma.com November 2005 PRESIDENT’S MESSAGE November 2005 Inside this Issue hey say as you get older, time goes by more quickly. I can’t think of a year where this was Tmore true. It’s astounding that in a few weeks ❖ Mars and Venus in the we will all be gathering for the TLOMA December Workplace Social and heading into the Holiday season. I look forward to seeing you ❖ Personalities at Work there and toasting to a warm and festive Holiday season and a happy and healthy new year. ❖ The Right to Infect? ❖ Voice Over Internet Fall is budget season for lots of us (the “most wonderful time of the year” for Protocol accountants, I guess!) and TLOMA is no exception. We have recently decided to increase our various fees a nominal amount to reflect the increasing costs ❖ Finance SIG – of all of our expenses (meeting speakers, rooms for meetings, supplies ... you Round Table know the list). Discussion Summary Our membership and Meeting fees will increase as follows: Membership: $250 to $275 plus GST Schedule of Events General Meeting (member) $45 to $47.50 plus GST General Meeting (non-member) $60 to $65 plus GST SIG (non-member/member cancellation charge) $25 to $30 (GST included). HR SIG Thursday, December 1, 2005 We are confident that TLOMA continues to provide huge value for these fees, and we hope you agree. We are looking forward to a new year of very high quality speakers and informative sessions at SIG meetings, as well as the 2006 TLOMA HOLIDAY SOCIAL Friday, December 9, 2005 Conference. If 2006 speeds by as quickly as 2005 did, the Conference will be here before we know it!
Speaking of Conference .... once again, it was a tremendous few days, with BOARD OF DIRECTORS MEETING speakers that were enlightening as well as educational, great networking Tuesday, December 13, 2005 opportunities in the context of the sessions as well as at the social events, and a very successful Trade Show. We recently had a TLOMA new members’ breakfast, and some of the attendees who had experienced the Conference for “Happy Holidays” the first time remarked at how impressive it was. I have lost count of how many conferences I have attended but despite this, I am impressed year after year at what a dedicated group of volunteers, the Conference Committee, can pull off. It’s truly remarkable! We all owe a huge debt of gratitude to the Committee, under the leadership of Christl Mittendorfer, for the great experience we had at White Oaks. Christl lead a great team — Barbara Russell, Thom Oakes, John Arcella, Theresa de Ocampo and Angela Duldhart each of whom took time from otherwise full time jobs to pull the event together. We are of course incredibly fortunate to have Liz Barrington as our Director of Administration; the Conference (well, actually, TLOMA as a whole) could not go on without her.
My next message will be my last one as President — again, how the year has flown - and I will be looking forward to passing the torch to Georgia Rennick and working with a revised Board for 2006 as Past President. I will certainly be recapping the year in this space next month, but in the meantime will look forward to toasting the successful year gone by and the new year to come, full of exciting possibilities, at our Social on December 9th at the Courthouse Market Grille. See you there! Susan Hodkinson Chief Administrative Officer Single issue: $8.00 Goodman and Carr LLP Yearly Subscription: $50.00
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Fax: 416.628.7435 Carolyn Berger [email protected] Kelly Smith [email protected] Lana Sim [email protected] Marsha Forde [email protected]
WHAT’S PLAY GOT TO DO WITH IT? my notes and from excerpts MARS AND VENUS IN THE from John Gray’s book: WORKPLACE “How to Get What You Want at Work – A Practical John Gray, Ph.D. Guide for Improving Communication and Getting Submitted by Louise McNeely Results”
Where do I begin? Listening to Dr. John Gray speak, was Martian and Venusian languages use enlightening as well as very entertaining. Dr. Gray does not the same words but the meanings are work from a script; there are no power point slides; there different. are no handouts. It was Dr. Gray applying his expertise in the field of communication to help the audience Nowhere in the workplace do our differences show up more understand, respect and appreciate the differences between dramatically than in the area of communication. Not only men and women in both personal and professional are men and women from different planets, speaking relationships. different languages, but we don’t realize it; we think we are speaking the same language. Although the words are the Dr. Gray spoke to the audience by recounting stories of same, the meaning can be completely different. The same situations that most of us have experienced in such a way expression can easily have a different connotation or that made us laugh, but that also made simple emotional emphasis. Misinterpretation is so common and communication misunderstandings seem so easy to consistent that eventually we develop limiting perspectives understand. If I were to take away one resounding message, of each other. it is: “The more respect there is in the workplace, the more trust will exist”. He repeated this many times while Both men and women form all kinds of incorrect addressing the delegates. I am preparing this article from assumptions, judgments and conclusions about the opposite Continued on page 3
www.tloma.com 2 November 2005 • Often on Mars, anger and frustration are reactions to intimidate and threaten others.
• On Mars, if there is nothing you can do to solve a problem, then there is no reason to be upset about it or talk about it.
• Most men cannot discern the difference between Informed complaining and sharing, because on Mars they simply legal don’t share feelings. hiring decisions • Grumbling on Mars sounds like resentment on Venus. start here. • When men grumble it is not a sign that they don’t care or that they are unwilling to respond to a request. • On Mars while considering a request, a man may moan, groan, scowl, or mumble. This is temporary. • On Venus, when women grumble, it is a sign that they are Look to the 416.365.3153 overworked and need help. [email protected] Robert Half Legal • An angry woman is often seen in a negative light, but an 2006 Salary Guide. BCE Place 181 Bay Street, Suite.820 820 angry man tends to be respected more. Request your Toronto, ON M5J 2T3 FREE copy now! Marsian Gene: roberthalflegal.com • Don’t do anything unless you have to. Example of this: waiting until the last minute to do something (Christmas shopping) Continued on page 5
A Robert Half International Company Robert Half Legal. 0905-5001.b © sex, which then restrict or block our natural willingness to give respect and trust. It is not that men or women are need a inherently or intentionally sexist, instead it is our mutual failure to understand each other’s language that causes much of the injustice in the workplace. In the distant past, leasing to cope with this negative stereotyping, we lived and worked in two different worlds. There was a clear line partner? separating women’s work and men’s work. What is different today is that men and women are working together. While this is a great step of progress, it has also • Specialists in structured placed a new burden on both men and women. Unless we begin to correctly translate our messages and bridge this finance for a wide range of assets planetary communication gap, job dissatisfaction will • technology increase and productivity will decrease. • Asset management • telecommunications solutions If a woman tries to correct a man, it will be taken by the • office furniture man as criticism. When a woman is discussing a problem, • Full Disclosure • leasehold improvements and the man says: “Don’t worry about it”, she will become For more information please call extremely irritated and think he is not listening to her. Men Wendy Scott at 905-780-6150 ext. 211 communicate in a manner that allows them to save face – or by email at [email protected] women need to learn to do this better.
• “Sharing” on Venus sounds like complaining on Mars. Maxium Financial Services Inc. When women share negative feelings, a man hears www.maxium.net “complaining”.
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www.tloma.com 4 November 2005 • Don’t take it personally. Women don’t need to play by male rules, but they need to • Until a man sees that something doesn’t work he doesn’t take them into consideration. Women tend to communicate want to change it. in a manner that will be heard by the recipient. Women who communicate like men to get ahead, alienate themselves Venusian Gene: from other women. Further, if women don’t honour their femininity, they also risk alienating other women. • To improve, make things better. There are many challenges for women today. There was a By offering quick solutions, a man mistakenly thinks that time when men did men’s stuff and women did women’s he is making a good impression. Our biggest mistakes: Men stuff. Today we intersect more and, this is good. There are interrupt women with solutions; women make unsolicited a lot of advantages but many challenges as well. Rules in suggestions. To offer a man unsolicited advice is to the work world are from Mars, which is a challenge for presume that he doesn’t know what to do or that he can’t do women. it on his own. By sharing a problem, a woman is not implying that she could not come up with the solution on Men are the Masters of Receiving. Women are the Masters her own. Action is most relaxing for him, while talking is of Giving. The more you give to a male, the more you are often more relaxing for women. reinforcing that he is doing something to deserve it.
Talking about a problem on Mars is an invitation for advice. The workplace is not just about the bottom line –it is Talking about a problem on Venus is NOT an invitation for • about the bottom line advice. • it is about people • it is about children Men are excellent at advertising who they are: “I did this... • it is about the environment I did that…”. It is not in a woman’s nature to advertise. If a woman advertises, all the other women get upset. But, when women don’t advertise their abilities, a man often Continued on page 6 concludes that she has no successes to advertise.
In the workplace, women give ten times more compliments than men do. Women are cooperative, harmonious nurturers. A woman’s sense of self in the workplace is defined primarily by the quality of her work relationships.
On Venus, morale in the workplace is more about the quality of communication and less about the bottom line. Specializing in the Recruitment of On Venus women are more concerned with expressing Qualified Legal Professionals virtues like goodness, consideration and relatedness. On Mars, sometimes a round of golf and small talk is the best Senior Corporate Executives*Law Clerks*Legal way for men to seal a deal as well as strengthen loyalty. Assistants*Accounting*Administrative*Office Services How do Martians and Venusians deal with stress? PERMANENT*CONTRACT*TEMPORARY
❖ Men need to solve the problem, this reduces their stress. Please Contact: Sharon Page Men under stress = A.D.D. (Attention Deficit Disorder). or Mary Anne Divjak ❖ Women need to talk about the problem to reduce their 1235 Bay Street, #1000, Toronto Ont. M5R 3K4 stress. They need to find a sounding board that is not interrupting them with solutions and that is willing to Phone: 416 934 5564 listen. Fax: 416 515 1273 What looks like stress to a woman is a de-stesser for a man. email: [email protected] When men are focused, they tend to do one thing at a time. www.trafalgar.to They are “solving the problem”. When Marsians are under stress, the whole mind is applied to one problem and they tend to miss the little stuff.
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Success today is due in large part to women – caring about WHAT’S PLAY GOT TO DO WITH IT? employees, customers etc. Women have a great deal of PERSONALITIES AT WORK: purchasing power – Men need to do more of the caring. A woman wants a relationship – she will pay more for a product to have a relationship with a supplier. Free Traits and Third Natures
To get ahead in the workplace women have to adjust for Submitted by Jennifer Norman men and men have to adjust for women when Dr. Brian Little holds joint appointments at Harvard and communicating with each other. Everyone needs to be Carleton University. At Carlton he is Distinguished concerned about how they look, how they sound, and the Research Professor Emeritus and at Harvard he lectures in approach they take in their communications with the the Department of Psychology. Described as a cross opposite sex to obtain a successful outcome. between Robin Williams and Einstein, Dr. Little is one of There are so many other observations that Dr. Gray shared the most engaging and entertaining speakers we have with us, but the message that he was sending “loud and enjoyed at TLOMA. clear” is: Fundamentally everyone deserves RESPECT. Dr. Little has combined scholarly research with his own Louise McNeely empathetic human nature to describe some personality Office Administrator traits in a manner that we can identify with, learn about and Lawrence, Lawrence, Stevenson LLP potentially utilize to our advantage within the workplace.
We were asked to look both forward and backward simultaneously. Forward to the world and workplace we live in that requires constant updating of skills to keep up in our jobs and backward to how we did in school. In all Continued on page 7
www.tloma.com 6 November 2005 grades but for one notable exception, Introverts tend to do 3. Are you an optimistic person (high) or a pessimistic better in academic subjects. They are 2 1/2 times more person (low)? likely to get a first class degree than Extroverts. 4. Are you a thick skinned individual (high) or thin If we look back at the early learning patterns of the two skinned person (low)? groups, the Extravert peaks in his or her learning style in Kindergarten. This is the last year this group is permitted 5. Are you a blunt and straight forward communicator to be engaged in the learning process. In Grade 1, the (high) or rather more diplomatically sensitive in the Introverts start winning the academic race. Dr. Little says way you communicate, perhaps overly sensitive the Introverts can be heard singing “I can sit still, I’m going (low)? to be an Accountant” as they pull ahead in the learning 6. Do you have a high need for excitement (high) or a style that our schools best excel at teaching. low need for excitement (low)? Is this because Extroverts are less intelligent? No, it is most 7. Are you a fast paced person (high) or a slow paced likely to do with the learning styles of the two groups. In a person (low)? format, such as listening to a lecturer, an Introvert is able to sit and listen. An Extrovert must be actively engaged or 8. Do you have a high need for social contact (high) or they get bored. This shows up in the office when a new a low need for social contact (low) – not necessarily piece of equipment is introduced. An Extrovert will antagonistic or enmity? immediately start playing with it. In fact the word most often heard from an Extravert is “Whoops”. The Introvert 9. Are you a spontaneous person (high) or more will be busily reading the Manual. They like structure, planful /circumspect person, think before you act (low)? clarity and good order. It is best to give an Introvert the material in advance so they can anticipate what is going to 10. Would you rate yourself as an Extrovert (high) or take place. Introvert (low)?
The Extroverts bottom out at Grade 10 and are frequently Now add up your score. It should range between 0 and 100. labeled stupid. Being an Extrovert does not make them (Or, as Dr. Little says, you need to add it again!) This will stupid, however, they are much more likely to be bored in assess your dimension of extroversion. The higher number school than the Introverts. When they are not kept fully you score, the higher your personal level of extroversion. engaged they simply zone out.
We were asked to complete a short questionnaire. This was Continued on page 8 both tactical and strategic. It kept us engaged and interested in his talk. The Extroverts even stayed awake! -OISTURE #ONTROL 3ERVICES You can complete the Questionnaire yourself. Rate the $/#5-%.4!4)/. -%$)! 2%34/2!4)/. 3%26)#%3 following 10 questions with either a high score or a low score. High being 7 – 10 marks and low being 0-3. If you feel you are in -ATERIALS $AMAGED BY 7ATER s &IRE