An Introduction to Gnomish Cuisine Porridge
drawer which contains a cold loaf of cooked An Introduction to Gnomish Cuisine porridge. This cold loaf is cut into slices and fried in butter as a popular mid-day snack.) During the time of the winter solstice, a sweetened version is popular and seasoned here’s no better way to understand a with warming spice such as nutmeg, allspice culture than through its cuisine. Most and cinnamon. T people are familiar with the Elven Lembas or know that any Dwarf worth his axe wouldn’t dream of going into battle without a chunk of hard cheese tucked into his helmet. You would be correct in thinking that a hobbit would most likely have a cake
or two packed away, but what of the gnomes?
In my younger days, due to an unfortunate accident, I was rescued by a village of gnomes and nursed back to health. During my time convalescing with them, I was privileged to try many of their dishes which they seemed eager and indeed, proud, to share with me. In my walk of life as a Ranger, I know firsthand that a decent cook is always a welcome
traveling companion. Whenever the opportunity presents itself for me to learn to A wooden Kitchen Spade, common in gnomish households. be a better cook, I always take advantage.
As in most cultures, comfort food is the doorway into the Gnome’s admirable Many of us outside of the Gnomish cuisine. The Gnomish word for comfort food community have likely only interacted with is Munorii. This is also the name of a the stereotypical Gnomish Spice Merchants traditional folk song who’s words are a list of in the marketplace. This vocation is most comfort foods strung together in a rhyming prevalent among entrepreneurial gnomes, fashion. The song starts slowly and gets even in their own villages and towns. progressively faster. For the gnome, the king Gnomes love their spice and these of comfort food is hot buttered porridge. The individuals are prepared to travel great village in which I found myself a resident was distances to procure the best and the most in the western provinces and thus the exotic that can be found. Many Gnomish principal ingredient was rolled oats. I’m adventurers will carry with them a small given to understand that the gnomes to the spice box with a variety of dried herbs and East favor a short grain rice version and spices. A popular blend of spices sold by most other communities to the south make theirs spice merchants is called Ar Fasca (literally, with ground hominy. They’re all cooked in ‘along with a sprinkle’) which is traditionally similar ways by boiling water and stirring in used as a finishing seasoning to grilled meats the grain. The natural starch in the grain and vegetables. Its flavor profile does carry begins to thicken the liquid and the water is over into various sausage seasonings and a absorbed. Salt, pepper, and butter are used traditional mushroom ragout style dish or to flavor this humble dish. The porridge is of Poikii. Each spice merchant makes his own course finished with a generous pat of butter blend, and each is a little different. Sampleon top. (In most households there is a file narrow, tin-lined drawer, called a porridge
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have been known to serve a dual purpose in exceedingly lethal boobytraps. Anything
cooked in a Poikii is also known as a Poikii and there are hundreds of varieties. Many Poikii start off with the classic medley of aromatic vegetables called the Maiis-Natiir (Pleasure to the Nose). These vegetables are Leeks, Parsnips, and Celery Root.
With these things in mind, you should have no trouble bringing a little Gnomish flavor into your cooking. If there is an
interest, and I have the time, I’d love to jot down a recipe or two, but this should suffice
for now.
A Jar of Al Fasca with a Traveler’s Spice Box.
The Recipe
1-part dry thyme
1-part dry parsley
1-part dry rosemary
2-parts dry sumac
3-parts black pepper
4-parts sugar
6-parts sea salt
Grind and blend all together. Stores well.
Another popular herb blend is called An illustration of a Poikii from the popular children’s book, Curunii Lass (Witch’s Leaves). This is used Princess Ethiilæne and the Cracked Poikii. to flavor many soups and stews. These herbs
are Marjoram, Thyme, and Savory and are planted around most Gnomish settlements, they are said to ward off witches.
The traditional cooking vessel in a Gnomish household is called a Poikii. It is a stylized iron pot with a kind of hourglass shape and no lid. It has a metal bail handle Sampleand 3 long metal spiked legs to go over the file coals of a fire. Some Gnomish adventurers
will carry a small version of a Poikii. These
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Credits and Disclaimers:
Disclaimer: The recipes presented herein have been passed down through generations of gnomes and are considered extremely tasty and mostly safe. Occasionally, the mixing of ingredients, particularly skeldon*, can trigger certain magical effects in the kitchen; we sincerely hope these intrusions of magic are of the culinary variety and not of the plane-shifting variety. We offer no refunds in cases of conjuration of aberrations or grease fires.
*Skeldon: A Gnomish term for inferior spice. The word literally translates to ‘the sweep’, referring to the random spices left on the floor after a busy day in the spice market. It’s said that poor street urchins would come by the market stalls at closing to sweep the shop floor in exchange for the bag of spilled spices. The tale further tells of a man who would pay the urchins for ‘the sweep’ to use in making his Skeldon liquor that was sold in a ramshackle stall known as “The Upstart Crow” that was located at the edge of the spice market in the town of Safeharbor. Like many Gnomish terms and phrases, it has multiple contexts. It is also used to describe a seller of an inferior product or a less then diligent customer as well as in the distillery trade to describe the used spices from a Tomte Gin Still that are to be discarded after a run. Skeldon is also a cheaply made, harsh quality tomte, the proverbial bathtub gin, of questionable providence. The word has since become a kind of Gnomish joke among Spice Merchants as a blend of older, less potent spices to sell to annoying and overly frugal customers.
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Creator and Writer: Andrew Trice, III
Art Director and Illustrator: John Wooldridge
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