Help in Finding Freedom Part 1

Group session 3

Session 3 – Freedom in forgiving, making amends

Making amends/forgiveness in the 12-steps

In the last session we considered steps 4-7 regarding our forgiveness in relation to God. In this session, we consider the concept of ‘making amends’ (steps 8-10) with others. This involves seeking both seeking to be forgiven, but also to forgive.

Consider the story of ‘The Railway Man’

Eric Lomax was a British prisoner of war under the Japanese during World War II. He was amongst thousands of allied servicemen taken prisoner when the Japanese captured Singapore in February 1942. From there, he was taken and forced to work under horrific conditions on the infamous (sometimes better known as the “death railway”), which ran between Bangkok in and Rangoon in Burma. It was a place where many of his fellow prisoners died as a result of Japanese brutality and Lomax was himself horribly tortured during his captivity.

He survived the war but suffered continual nightmares, being haunted by his memories. Sometime after meeting Patti, the woman who became his wife, Lomax became aware that Takashi Nagase, the Japanese translator who had overseen the torture, was still alive. Lomax subsequently planned to go to Thailand where Nagase was now working.

Watch the trailer to the movie

It can be accessed on YouTube using the following keywords: “Railway Man full trailer”

Lomax travelled to Thailand with revenge on his mind. In fact what followed was a remarkable story of forgiveness and reconciliation. Despite all that had happened, Lomax and Nagase became very close friends (Lomax considered Nagase to have become his ‘blood brother’) and they continued meeting regularly until Nagase’s death in 2011. Eric Lomax became a different person after forgiving Nagese. His wife, Patti, described it as follows:

‘When we came home from Thailand the nightmares gradually diminished. There was a healing process. He began to be able to live again’. 1

Q. Lomax had actually planned to kill Nagase right up until the evening before they met again. Consider how might things have been different if Lomax had carried out his plans for revenge?

Christians are encouraged to pray these words:

‘Forgive us our sins, for we also forgive everyone who sins against us. And lead us not into temptation.’ Luke 11:4 (NIV)

Q. What are the factors that make forgiveness difficult?

Consider the following:

1. Forgiveness is NOT forgetting (or ‘pretending it didn’t happen’). 2. Forgiveness is NOT tolerating wrong or letting someone ‘off the hook’. Everyone will still have to give an account for their actions to God, but consider - can I let people off ‘my hook’ for my own freedom?

Note that it can be possible to forgive someone, but at the same time see that person handed over to the authorities. A Christian lady called Carolyn Bramhall describes in her autobiography how she truly forgave her father for inflicting horrific childhood abuse; but she still considered it right and necessary to report his crimes to the police to protect other potential victims (her book is entitled “Am I a good girl yet?”).

3. Forgiveness does NOT need us to feel forgiving! Very often it is an act of our will, a choice we make despite our feelings. It can also be a process. In some situations we may need to forgive the same person over again.

But the day will come when we are able to think of the person who has hurt us yet feel no pain. The process is then most likely to be complete!

Q. What are the problems with choosing not to forgive?

Q. Who am I helping the most when I do choose to forgive?

Consider the following quote: ‘Not forgiving is like swallowing poison and hoping that the other person will die!’

2

Reasons to forgive:

1. Jesus commands it. We read in the Bible:

‘For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.’ Matthew 6:14-5 (NIV)

2. It releases us from torment – it is essential for our own freedom and it is the only way to stop the pain.

Q. Am I willing to consider forgiving those who have hurt me?

Q. Is there someone in particular I feel able to forgive right now?

Q. If I have difficulty forgiving just now, can I at least ask God to help me forgive?

Closing prayer

Thank you Lord for the freedom that you want us to live in. Thank you for the sacrifice you have made for our freedom and thank you that you give us freedom from guilt.

Please help each one of us to be able to forgive others as you have forgiven us, that we may be truly free. Amen.

Homework

You may wish to read the two articles, ‘The poison of Unforgiveness’ by Joyce Meyer and ‘The forgiveness story of Eric Lomax’ (Daily Express article).

Aim to watch ‘The Railway Man’ (Available on DVD or online)

Lomax and Nagase years afterwards, friends!

This version printed March 2017 3