THE FEMININE FACE OF DESTINY: AN ECOLOGICAL PERSPECTIVE
by
ANINHA ESPERANZA LIVINGSTONE
A dissertation
submitted in partial fulfillment
of the requirements for the degree of
DOCTOR OF PHILOSOPHY
IN
PSYCHOLOGY
MERIDIAN UNIVERSITY
2012
Copyright by
ANINHA ESPERANZA LIVINGSTONE
2011
THE FEMININE FACE OF DESTINY: AN ECOLOGICAL PERSPECTIVE
by
ANINHA ESPERANZA LIVINGSTONE
A dissertation submitted in partial fulfillment of the requirements for the degree of
DOCTOR OF PHILOSOPHY IN PSYCHOLOGY
MERIDIAN UNIVERSITY 2012
This dissertation has been accepted for the faculty of Meridian University by:
______Shoshana Fershtman, Ph.D. Dissertation Chair
______Aftab Omer, Ph.D. Dissertation Advisor
______Melissa Schwartz, Ph.D. Academic Dean
I dedicate this work to the earth and her infinite wisdom in hopes that the many hours
I spent writing may ultimately serve her and all of life.
May I know myself as you, and bear the fruit of the flower that I am.
v
ABSTRACT
THE FEMININE FACE OF DESTINY: AN ECOLOGICAL PERSPECTIVE
by
Aninha Esperanza Livingstone
Women who dare to follow their dreams encounter both internal and external obstacles. This study proposed the research problem: What imaginal structures arise for women when engaging their destiny? The hypothesis was: Women who are challenged in engaging their calling have a deficient relationship with the positive aspects of the
Mother and Father face of the Friend, or the feminine and masculine principles.
The literature review considered women’s relationship with destiny from an ecological perspective. Women’s development and process of forming identity were explored, as were obstacles to success. Destiny was presented from various perspectives including psychological, mythic and ecological. Lastly, ecopsychology, deep ecology and ecofeminism were presented. The literature revealed a lack of inquiry into women’s relationship to calling from a soul-centered and ecopsychological perspective.
The methodology for this study employed Imaginal Inquiry, utilizing its four phases: evoking, expressing, interpreting, and integrating experience. The primary affects evoked were fear, shame, and grief. Eight participants met for the study, while five attended the second integrative meeting. Utilizing expressive arts, journaling, nature- based inquiry and a women’s circle, participants explored their relationship to their calling. vi The study’s cumulative learning was: The retrieval of the instinctual body in community and nature functions to free women from affective barriers, allowing more ease in claiming one’s calling as both process and product. Five learnings emerged. First, cultural reference points breed fixed and product-oriented views of the self, while nature generates a more fluid and process-oriented view. Second, women are prone to becoming paralyzed in relation to their calling when challenged to take risks that require a greater valuing of themselves, their dreams, and their needs. Third, participants’ obstacles were rooted in shame which inhibited them from expressing their authentic gifts in the world, for fear of re-experiencing childhood wounding. Fourth, women who are blocked in their calling as a result of a deficient relationship with the positive aspect of the feminine and masculine principles can develop capacities of both, through engaging their ecological imagination. And lastly, suppressed grief can block calling and lead to isolation, whereas grief and longing that is named and expressed within a collective can facilitate women reclaiming their instinctual energies, which supports calling.
The study’s learnings were reflected through the Jewish mystic creation story of
Tikkun Olam, which speaks to the unification of the feminine and masculine principles, and the need for each individual to acknowledge their brokenness, and bring forth their divine spark in order to restore the world.
vii
ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS
I could not have accomplished this without my ancestors who contributed to both the wisdom and suffering I carry, which inform my unique fate and destiny. I am grateful to my maternal great, great grandfather who speaks through old photographs and reminds me that I am holding a thread of wisdom that he tended, and that I must tend as well.
I am enormously grateful to my family who supported my long hours of writing. I thank my husband Olivier who supported me in both traditional and non-traditional ways; not only did he support me financially, but he also took on much more at home so that I could pursue this aspect of my calling. He is the wind beneath my wings! I thank my children Amber and Stephan. They rarely complained about this endeavor, seeming to know its importance to me. I hope that the pursuit of my dreams will serve them in staying close to their own golden thread.
I thank my mentors Marti Spiegelman who awakened my indigenous soul, and the shaman within, and Bill Plotkin who helped me integrate this awakening so that I could walk in humility and wholeness. My deep gratitude to Aftab Omer whose soul-centered approach to psychology made it possible for me to enter this field and remain congruent with my deepest values. My heart sings when I think of Melissa Schwartz who made me feel at home from the moment I met her. I appreciate her ability to make the scholarly feel within reach.
I am blessed to have had Lisa Chipkin and Darryl Centers at my side when the technological demands of this great task were at hand. viii Lastly, I am also grateful to the spirit of the land where I live, who received and regenerated me throughout this process.
ix
CONTENTS
ABSTRACT ...... v
ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS ...... vii
LIST OF ILLUSTRATIONS ...... xiv
Chapter
1. INTRODUCTION ...... 1
Research Topic
Relationship to the Topic
Theory-in-Practice
Research Problem and Hypothesis
Methodology and Research Design
Learnings
Significance and Implications of the Study
2. LITERATURE REVIEW ...... 19
Introduction and Overview
Women’s Adult Development
Women’s Obstacles to Success
Destiny
Ecopsychology x Imaginal Psychology
Conclusion
3. METHODOLOGY ...... 101
Introduction and Overview
Participants
Four Phases of Imaginal Inquiry
4. LEARNINGS ...... 119
Introduction and Overview
Cumulative Learning: Her Earth Body Retrieved, Her Calling Awakened
Learning One: Looking at Destiny through Nature-Colored Glasses
Learning Two: When Calling is Held Hostage
Learning Three: Shame as a Portal to Destiny
Learning Four: Wild Loss Grieved Feeds the Soil of Calling
Learning Five: Intimacy with Nature and the Inner Marriage
Conclusion
5. REFLECTIONS ...... 182
Introduction
Significance of the Learnings
Mythic and Archetypal Reflections
Implications of the Study xi Appendix
1. ETHICS APPLICATION ...... 199
2. CONCEPTUAL OUTLINE ...... 209
3. CHRONOLOGICAL OUTLINE ...... 212
4. INFORMED CONSENT ...... 216
5. WORD OF MOUTH ADVERTISEMENT ...... 218
6. INITIAL EMAIL AND INTERNET ADVERTISEMENT ...... 219
7. FLYER ADVERTISEMENT ...... 220
8. DESCRIPTION OF IDEAL PARTICIPANT ...... 222
9. INITIAL EMAIL CONTACT ...... 223
10. INITIAL PHONE CONTACT ...... 224
11. SCREENING CONTACT ...... 225
12. SCREENING QUESTIONS ...... 226
13. ACCEPTING PARTICIPANTS ...... 228
14. REJECTING PARTICIPANTS ...... 229
15. ACCEPTANCE LETTER ...... 230
16. TELEPHONE REMINDER ...... 232
17. NATURE OF STUDY AND REQUEST TO SIGN CONSENT FORM . . . 233
18. LOGISTICS, CONFIDENTIALITY, AND DESCRIPTION OF ACTIVITIES ...... 235
19. INVOCATION ...... 236 xii
20. SPEAKING NAMES INTO THE CIRCLE ...... 238
21. INSTRUCTIONS: CREATION OF ALTAR OF CALLINGS ...... 239
22. INSTRUCTIONS: AS IF LIVING MY CALLING ...... 240
23. INSTRUCTIONS: CREATION OF ALTAR OF OBSTACLES ...... 241
24. BREAK ...... 242
25. DRAWING THE RELATIONSHIP BETWEEN THE CALLING AND THE OBSTACLE ...... 243
26. EXPRESSING ABOUT DRAWING TO GROUP ...... 244
27. INSTRUCTIONS: LETTER FROM THE CHILD SELF ...... 245
28. LUNCH BREAK ...... 246
29. INSTRUCTIONS: DRIVING TO OUTDOORS LOCATION ...... 247
30. PREPARATORY GUIDED MEDITATION ...... 248
31. INSTRUCTIONS: FINDING A SYMBOL OF YOUR SOUL ...... 249
32. INSTRUCTIONS: WRITINGS FROM THE EARTH ...... 250
33. LETTER FROM THE EARTH GROUP SHARING ...... 251
34. INSTRUCTIONS: SEEKING A NATURE SYMBOL OF THE OBSTACLE ...... 252
35. JOURNALING WITH OBSTACLE ...... 253
36. INSTRUCTIONS: DRIVING BACK TO COMMON WELL ...... 254
37. AFTERNOON BREAK ...... 255
38. INSTRUCTIONS: EXPRESSION OF OBSTACLE WITH AESTHETIC RESPONSE ...... 256 xiii 39. INSTRUCTIONS: EXPRESSION OF THE CALLING WITH AESTHETIC RESPONSE ...... 257
40. JOURNALING ABOUT ACTION, OBSTACLE AND ALLY ...... 258
41. GROUP SHARING ABOUT AN ACTION AND AN ALLY ...... 259
42. CLOSING: A SENTENCE FROM THE VOICE OF THE ALLY ...... 260
43. RELEASE OF THE DIRECTIONS ...... 261
44. NEXT STEPS AND CLOSING ...... 263
45. OPENING OF SECOND MEETING ...... 264
46. INSTRUCTIONS: JOURNAL ABOUT KEY MOMENTS ...... 265
47. GROUP SHARING OF KEY MOMENTS ...... 266
48. PRESENTATION OF PRELIMINARY FINDINGS ...... 267
49. GROUP DISCUSSION OF FINDINGS ...... 268
50. BREAK ...... 269
51. FINAL JOURNALING ...... 270
52. FINAL SHARING ...... 271
53. CLOSING: PLANTING A SEED OF INTENTION ...... 272
54. CLOSING COMMENTS ...... 273
55. SUMMARY OF DATA ...... 274
56. SUMMARY OF LEARNINGS ...... 289
NOTES ...... 293
REFERENCES ...... 315 xiv
LIST OF ILLUSTRATIONS
Figure Page
Illustration 1 – Julianna’s Drawing ...... 136
Illustration 2 – Cynthia’s Drawing ...... 137
Illustration 3 – Molly’s Drawing ...... 138
Illustration 4 – Bernadette’s Drawing ...... 139
Illustration 5 – Martina’s Drawing ...... 140
Illustration 6 – Ariana’s Drawing ...... 141
Illustration 7 – Laurel’s Drawing ...... 142
Illustration 8 – Naomi’s Drawing ...... 143
1
CHAPTER 1
INTRODUCTION
Research Topic
An exploration of women and the obstacles they face to engaging their destiny is the focus of this dissertation. Women inevitably have a different relationship to engaging their calling than do men, as both internal and external factors differ. Jean Shinoda Bolen speaks to how the women’s movement and feminism have changed women’s relationship to themselves, each other and the world.1 She posits that we are entering the third phase of feminism, which she refers to as the women’s peace movement.2 It is the power of women’s caring, the way in which the archetype of the Mother moves through women, that is needed for the benefit of the world. She goes as far as to say, “gather the women, save the world” indicating that women play a key role in the collective destiny of the planet.3
Jean Baker Miller also indicates that the changes women are making are beneficial for all of humanity. She comments, “Because women have begun to change their situation, we can now perceive new ways of understanding women. We begin to see all that was contained within women’s second class status-not only for women but for the entire restructuring of the human mind…” 4
Carol Gilligan and Miller highlight women’s prioritization of relatedness, and how it has been perceived as a feminine trait and therefore weak.5 Gilligan refers to the study of women’s development as a “different voice” pointing out that men’s 2 development has been understood as the norm, and women’s experience marginalized and silenced. She redefines psychological development by questioning autonomy as the only signifier of maturity and proposes that tending to relationship is an equally valid path.6
Nancy Chodorow exposes how women’s capacities to nurture have been usurped by society and used to maintain inequalities.7 In her examination of motherhood as an institution she questions some of the most basic assumptions held about gender, proposing that biology is not destiny. She contends that women are socialized to care for children and men, thus supporting the division of labor in which men participate in the world while women remain at home.8
Multiple theorists discuss the formation of identity as it pertains to women.
Ruthellen Josselson suggests that women’s journey of development is inextricably bound to the capacity to withstand the individuation process.9 She writes that those who are able to tolerate forging their own unique identity seem to have the most cohesive sense of self.
Mary Field Belenkey et al. validate the use of voice as a guiding image for women claiming their experience and perception.10 They explain that the women in their study used “the metaphor of voice to depict their intellectual and ethical development; and that the development of a sense of voice, mind and self were intricately intertwined.” 11
Commenting on the impact of feminism on the field of psychology, Laura Brown,
Virginia O’Leary and Ranald Hansen declare that the feminist movement has positively influenced both clinical and research branches of psychology, highlighting an increase in awareness of influences such as race, class, sexual orientation, and religious affiliation.12 3 Brown focuses on the clinical domain explaining how feminist therapy attempts to take into account the forces of oppression when considering diagnosis and treatment, resisting earlier approaches of psychology that fail to acknowledge societal influences that inevitably impact mental well-being. O’Leary, Rhoda Kesler Unger and Barbara Strudler
Wallston speak to a similar trend in the domain of research and social psychology.13
In addition to exploring women’s psychological development, the literature also delves into the forces, both external and internal, that inhibit women from expressing their full capacities. Fear of Success is reviewed as per Martina Horner who first studied the phenomenon in relation to women.14 She reveals that women tend to inhibit their movement toward success due to the societal message that agency is unfeminine and therefore undesirable in a woman. In addition David Krueger presents a developmental and psychodynamic view of women’s fear of success.15 He defines success phobia as a disorder in which one has difficulty with achievement, marked by “recoiling from that which one is constantly striving for and values.” 16 He links the disturbance to unconscious fears rooted in childhood in which autonomy and connection with the mother were at odds.17
Fear, shame and grief are also presented as affects that play a central role in women’s obstacles to success. The work of Donald Nathanson situates fear and grief among the negative affects, which he lists as fear-terror, distress-anguish, and anger- rage.18 He references shame in relation to the positive affects interest-excitement and enjoyment-joy, explaining that the interruption of these affects produces shame as a means to limit the positive affect. 19 He writes, “Shame affect is a highly painful 4 mechanism that operates to pull the organism away from whatever might interest it or make it content.” 20
Michael Balint proposes that a basic fault or a deep sense of being inherently defective results from the dyadic experience of infancy in which there exists a
“considerable discrepancy…between…bio-psychological needs and the material and psychological care, attention, and affection available during the relevant times.” 21
Donald Kalsched speaks of a protector-persecutor structure, which results from early trauma.22 He explains that the protector functions to create a sense of safety for the young and vulnerable aspects of the ego, and yet when the person begins to develop enough hope to actually branch out beyond this inner world into the outer world, the protector quickly turns into an attacking figure, or persecutor that inhibits this new growth. He refers to this as the self-care system.23
Aftab Omer speaks of a similar phenomenon using different terminology.24 He describes the Child-Gatekeeper fusion, as the process in which the child identifies with, and is obedient to, inner attacks. Because by definition, the child is in the perennial state of vulnerability, dependency, and need, the child accepts the gatekeeper’s view of reality.
This leads to an avoidance of new experiences in the name of safety, while leaving the child subject under the tyranny of this structure that prevents new learning.
The literature on women’s development, and obstacles to their success, leads to a section on destiny; Jung’s theory of individuation is presented first.25 Jung attributes the underlying intelligence that acts as a guidance system in this process of differentiation as the Self.26 According to Andrew Samuels, Bani Shorter and Fred Plaut, Jung defines individuation as a developmental stage attained by inner work and marked by coming 5 into “wholeness” or uniqueness.27 Marie-Louise von Franz offers the following definition:
The actual process of individuation-the conscious coming-to-terms with one’s own inner center (psychic nucleus) or Self-generally begins with a wounding of the personality and the suffering that accompanies it. This initial shock amounts to a sort of “call” although it is often not recognized as such.28
She remarks that although the Self is filled with potential, the fulfillment of that inborn possibility depends upon the extent to which an individual is able to allow the Self to lead.
Rollo May presents his existential view of destiny and its relationship with freedom. He conceptualizes destiny as including the forces of fate, thus encompassing restrictive as well as expansive influences.29 May emphasizes that freedom is forged from living in accordance with one’s deepest values. He adds that the capacity to make choices determines to what degree one is able to live one’s innate potentials.30
Joseph Campbell draws from cross-cultural mythology, while James Hillman,
Michael Meade, and Jean Houston focus exclusively on Greek mythology to engage the topic of destiny. Meade presents the Greek concept of daimon, a guide that mediates the material and spiritual planes and beckons the soul toward destiny.31 Hillman also refers to the daimon in his acorn theory that metaphorically illustrates the experience of the human soul.32 He suggests that just as the acorn contains the template of the oak tree, so too do individuals arrive with a blueprint of their inborn potentials. Houston employs the
Greek word entelechy as that which guides destiny, defining it as “the dynamic purposiveness of the patterns of possibility encoded in each of us.” 33 Robert Sardello,
Linda Sussman, and Michael Gruber centralize initiation of the soul in their exploration of destiny; Initiation refers to a process of identity transformation, marking the leaving 6 behind of one way of belonging, and the entry into a new experience of self.34 Sardello utilizes the term soul of the world to describe the place where the individual soul and the world meet.35 He proposes that destiny as an initiatory passage takes place at this interface. Sussman employs the story of the Grail to suggest that destiny is a process of initiation.36 She declares that the Grail, as the purveyor of meaning, brings one’s unique calling into relationship with what the world and the earth need. Gruber focuses on initiation in the modern world.37 He proposes that insomuch as the sacred has been replaced by materialism, terror and soul loss reign. This marks a collective destiny whose outcome is uncertain.
Imaginal Transformation Praxis initiation is also understood in relation to the soul. Omer declares that the soul has a transformative imperative.38 This deep-seated directive functions to transform identity. He states, “There is a real appetite for initiatory experience. At each threshold, of course, there is a resistance to it too.” 39 He specifies that it is through expression that affects are transformed into capacities.40 He refers to this as an initiatory threshold, which he explains represents a liminal state that occurs before the coalescing of a new identity.41
Omer expands the conversation of initiation to include culture.42 He uses the term spacious center to refer to a generative state within culture in which the center and the periphery are in dialogue and are being informed by one another, as opposed to the center as a place in which rules and regulations reign and change is kept at bay. On a personal level he affirms, “When our actions emerge from a spacious center, we begin to open to our collective destiny through creative engagement and collaborative surrender.” 43 7 In the subsequent section, ecopsychology, deep ecology and ecofeminism are explored. Theodore Roszak presents ecopsychology as a bridging of ecology and psychology.44 He offers the term ecological unconscious proposing that the psyche is not strictly human, but rather an expression of the psyche of the earth itself.45 Larry
Robinson describes the aims of the burgeoning field as concerned foremost with recognizing madness in culture, reconnecting with the natural world, and infusing the world with soul.46 Craig Chalquist and Linda Buzzel discuss ecotherapy as the practice of ecopsychology, noting that, unlike other forms of therapy it addresses industrialization and the impact it has on mental health.47
Chellis Glendinning, David Abram and Fredrick Bender assert that the psychopathology of the culture underlies many symptoms people experience.
Glendinning and Abram point to disassociation as the most pervasive symptom in modern society and note its origins in the fearful withdrawal from the natural world.48
The DSM-IV defines dissociation as, “disruption in the usually integrated functions of consciousness, memory, identity, or perception of the environment.” 49 Glendinning refers to what she call the primal matrix which illustrates her vision of recovery: “the state of a healthy, wholly functioning psyche in full embodied participation with a healthy, wholly functioning earth.” 50
Bender claims that ecocide is the most serious symptom; by this he refers to the deadly impact that humans are having on the earth such as, global warming, mass extinction of species, and loss of habitat and biodiversity.51 He asserts that this perilous situation arises from industrialization, as well as capitalism and population growth, all of which reinforce anthropocentrism. He recommends non-dualism as a road to recovery.52 8 Bill Plotkin and Thomas Berry acknowledge the two streams in which humans must swim, that of nature, and that of culture. Plotkin addresses the tension between the two in relation to destiny, proposing that true adulthood emerges from a deep connection with nature that leads to an authentic expression of self in the world.53 Berry differentiates between cultural encoding and genetic encoding describing two distinct ways of knowing, one shaped by culture and the other by the earth.54 Berry asserts, “We cannot discover ourselves without first discovering the universe, the earth, and the imperatives of our own being.” 55
In the section on Deep Ecology, Arne Naess’ concept of the ecological self is defined as an identity sourced from, and committed to, interconnectivity with all of life.56
He views this as a developmental stage that surpasses a strictly culture- and human- bound focus and instead encompasses a spiritual and earth-based view of life. George
Sessions and Bill Devall refer to this maturation of development as ecological consciousness, which they describe as a process that involves a re- attunement to nature.57
In the section on Ecofeminism, Irene Diamond, Gloria Feman Orenstein, Dorceta
E. Taylor, and Charlene Spretnak present an overview of the movement naming its origins, aims, influences, and shortcomings. Taylor names the connection between women and nature to be central. Diamond critiques the supremacy of the masculine, and the resulting dominance of women, people of color, and the earth. She asserts the need for the reincorporation of the feminine as a valued and guiding principle. Corine Kumar
D’Souza, Petra Kelly and Susan Griffin deconstruct oppression by tracing the origins of domination and control to the scientific revolution. Overall theses authors confront the 9 ills of society through the lens of domination, and offer an alternative based on the recovery of a connection to the earth, and of values that honor all of life.
Lastly, a section on Imaginal Psychology explores some core concepts from the theory-in-practice in use at Meridian, such as imaginal structures and the Mother and
Father face of the Friend.58 In addition, Marion Woodman and Linda Schierse Leonard offer their understanding of the masculine and feminine principles, their characteristics, and their relationship to one another.
Relationship to the Topic
My personal journey with the topic of women’s obstacles to engaging their destiny was shaped by growing up in an alcoholic family in which both my parents had given up on their dreams. My father hoped to be a screen actor in Hollywood after leaving a successful career on stage in New York. This proved to be more difficult than he imagined. My mother dropped out of the Student Art League of New York when she met my father, after which point she allowed his life to lead the road they took together.
By the time I was conceived, my father was drinking heavily. My life began with terror.
My earliest memory, retrieved in breath work, and later confirmed by my mother, was of my father coming after my mother with a knife when she was pregnant with me. The idea of leaving the womb to come into the world was terrifying, and yet the other option of remaining enclosed in the womb of a woman filled with anxiety was also unbearable.
This conflict has laid the foundational pattern for my own relationship with moving into the world. 10 As much as I have yearned to teach, and to own my own authority, I have suffered from great fears of doing so. Prior to teaching a class, or leading a ritual gathering, fear would arise to such an extent that I often wondered if my calling was truly worth pursuing.
Whenever I had a female teacher whom I viewed as a novice, I honed in on her insecurities and experienced a judgment so strong that it felt like a rabid animal ready to shred her to pieces. I felt pure hatred towards those who were attempting to break out of their own self-imposed limits and step into the world. I felt disdain for their weakness. At times I even responded to their questions or comments in such a way as to add to their visible fears. I would ask myself, how could they even think they were worthy of teaching? And yet, I had enough psychological awareness to know that this outward attack mirrored the inward attack I experienced every time I attempted to risk visibility and authority. Speaking of envy that women feel towards other females who are claiming their ambition, Luise Eichenbaum and Susie Orbach comment, “Tragically, as they held themselves back they unconsciously felt driven to hold back another woman.” 59
This reaction proved to be situation dependent. In other settings I would experience myself as completely incompetent, plagued by feeling stupid and by fears that
I would be found out. Still, even now when I engage with people who have particularly sharp minds and who can access information with great ease, I begin to question my intelligence. I imagine being in teaching situations in which I am exposed, and this hypothetical shameful experience frightens me into the impulse to hide.
This difficult material originated in my family of origin. It was my father’s abusive stance toward my mother that was activated when I would see a woman in a 11 teaching position trying to reclaim her power. Instead of wanting to support her, I wanted to crush her as my father had crushed my mother’s sense of self. I felt an archetypal power move through me which allowed me to escape my own childhood feelings of being powerless and unworthy. As a young girl, I identified with my father as a survival strategy, being that I was the only one not on the receiving end of his emotional and physical abuse. Although it was unbearable to witness the pain he caused my mother and brother, on a conscious level I only felt love for him. And although he died from the disease of alcoholism when I was fifteen, it is challenging to this day to allow myself to feel any negative feelings toward him.
These dynamics arose during the research itself. I found myself looking down upon one co-researcher whom I saw as incompetent, and leaning on another co- researcher whom I viewed as competent. The emotional and energetic experience of this was very strong for both myself, and my co-researcher who took the brunt of this projection. Because many of the participants also suffered from growing up with abusive parents, and all of the participants experienced an internal clamping down on their expression of self, I propose that what I experienced during the research was in part a result of this material in the inter-subjective field.
Although these imaginal structures still rear their heads, overall they have diminished as I have taken continuous steps toward my calling. In addition, the process of writing this dissertation and working with other women who experience similar internal barriers have lessened my sense of isolation and shame. My growing edge at this point has less to do with stepping into the role of teacher per se, and more to do with the belief that my personal vulnerability and weaknesses need be invisible when in that role. 12
Theory-in-Practice
The theory-in-practice for this inquiry on women’s obstacles to engaging destiny is Imaginal Transformation Praxis, developed by Omer at Meridian University. This theory has its roots in Imaginal Psychology, an approach to psychology that places soul at the center.60 According to Omer, soul refers to the “mysterious stillness, aliveness, and otherness at the core of being.” 61 He describes Imaginal Psychology as both recent and ancient in that it is a relatively new orientation to the discipline of psychology, and yet it sources from ancient approaches to transformation. Imaginal Psychology presupposes that practices are needed to facilitate change.62 As such, transformative practices such as art and ritual are held within alchemical containers in which the soul’s raw experience is transmuted into capacities.
These processes serve to transform what Omer refers to as imaginal structures, which he defines as, “assemblies of sensory, affective, and cognitive aspects of experience constellated into images that both mediate and constitute experience.” 63 He explains that during the process of individuation, these structures undergo a transformation resulting in new capacities, as well as a transformed identity. Omer asserts, “The transmutation depends on the affirmative turn toward the passionate nature of the soul.” 64
Upon the eve of change, one stands at what Omer calls an initiatory threshold, a liminal state that comes to completion as a new identity emerges.65 This relates closely to the process of individuation and what Omer refers to as destinicity, which he describes as the process of responding to the future through creativity.66 To amplify his point, he 13 employs the Greek term telos to describe the inherent purposefulness that resides within the future, as it manifests in the moment.67
Omer describes the Friend as an ally to destiny. He defines it as, “those deep potentials of the soul which guide us to act with passionate objectivity and encourage us to align with the creative will of the cosmos.” 68 He distinguishes between two complimentary aspects of the Friend, the Mother face of the Friend and the Father face of the Friend; The first refers to aspects of the feminine, such as mutuality, while the latter to aspects of the masculine, such as autonomy and authority.69
In contrast Omer theorizes that an opposing force exists which he terms gatekeeping and defines as, “the individual and collective dynamics that resist and restrict experience.” 70 Referring to the personification of this, he employs the term gatekeeper, adding that, “Cultural gatekeepers restrict experience, and cultural leaders catalyze the deepening and diversification of experience.” Omer believes that ultimately the Friend is more powerful than the gatekeeper.71
In addition, Omer specifies that the gatekeeper functions closely with the child self, acting to both protect the vulnerable aspects of the ego from what is perceived as threatening, as well as to use aggressive tactics when risks are taken that endanger the undifferentiated state of these two structures.72
Research Problem and Hypothesis
Because women who are challenged when attempting to move toward their calling can fall prey to old and limiting stories, this study sought to explore what might limit as well as free these women in relation to their calling. As such, the following 14 Research Problem was formulated: what imaginal structures arise for women when engaging their destiny?
Based on my intuitions of the obstacles women face when engaging their calling,
I created a hypothesis that spoke to the underlying dynamics that might inhibit women’s agency in this area of their lives. I hypothesized that women who are challenged in engaging their calling have a deficient relationship with the positive aspects of the
Mother and Father face of the Friend.
Methodology and Research Design
In order to pursue this line of inquiry, I used a research methodology called
Imaginal Inquiry, which was created by Omer. Imaginal Inquiry is situated within the participatory paradigm. This approach encourages researchers to include their own experience as data in conjunction with the observations of participants’ experience.
Imaginal Inquiry consists of four phases: Evoking, Expressing, Interpreting, and
Integrating Experience. The first phase, Evoking Experience, aims to evoke the particular affective experience that is under investigation; the second phase, Expressing Experience, entails both the expression of and collection of data; the third phase, Interpreting
Experience, consists of analyzing and making meaning of the data, and the last phase,
Integrating Experience, is designed to assist participants in integrating their experience.
The participants for this study were women who felt blocked in relation to their calling and who met the criteria of psychological maturity and awareness. They self- identified as having dreams and longings that they felt challenged in bringing to fruition. 15 The research design entailed two meetings, three weeks apart, and consisted of eight participants. The second meeting included five participants, as three did not return.
The Evoking Experience of the research design primarily evoked hope, fear, shame, excitement, joy and longing. Asking participants to speak in front of the group as if they were currently living their calling was one instance in which these affects surfaced. This was followed by art and journaling that deepened the inquiry. This aspect of the design was videotaped.
During Expressing Experience, the research design supported the expression and collection of participants’ experience through art, writing, movement and group sharing.
The verbal sharing was audiotaped and transcribed and the journals and artwork were collected.
For Interpreting Experience, the design supported participants as well as the researchers in identifying key moments from the research. Omer defines a key moment as:
“A moment may be imagined as the soul’s punctuation of time.” 73 After collecting the responses from the participants and examining them in relation to the researchers’ perception of key moments, the theoretical lens of Imaginal Transformation Praxis, and the Jewish creation story of Tikkun Olam, I extrapolated meanings that pertained to women’s obstacles to engaging destiny.
For Integrating Experience, the design supported participants in integrating their experience by providing time and structure to assist them in reflecting on what they had learned and how they had grown as a result of having participated in the research. The design also supported me in reflecting on and integrating my experience of conducting the study. The Reflection Chapter was especially helpful in this regard. 16 The Learnings will be disseminated to interested communities in a variety of ways. Firstly, I will be offering groups called Women’s Courage Circles, designed to address the obstacles women face in engaging their calling. The increase in understanding that arose from this study, particularly in relation to affective barriers and the impact of masculine definitions of success, will be incorporated into the curriculum.
Secondly, I have been invited to share these Learnings with the founders of Wisdom
Connection, an organization that assists women in living in greater alignment with their purpose. Also, I recently met an executive coach who was interested in collaborating with me by co-leading a workshop for women on this topic in the corporate world. Lastly, I plan on blogging about these issues in the near future.
Learnings
From this inquiry on women’s obstacles to engaging their calling, a Cumulative
Learning emerged. The Cumulative Learning states: The retrieval of the instinctual body within community and nature functions to free women from affective barriers, allowing more ease in claiming one’s calling, both as process and as product.
The study also resulted in five additional individual learnings. Learning One,
Looking at Destiny through Nature-Colored Glasses, proposes that in relation to destiny, cultural reference points breed fixed and product-oriented views of the self, while nature generates a more fluid and process oriented view. This finding was based on participants’ screening interviews, the energetic and symbolic conversations they had with nature regarding their calling, as well as subsequent expression via movement and speech. 17 Participants’ experience revealed a dichotomous relationship with destiny depending on whether their reference point was culture- or nature-based.
Learning Two, When Calling is Held Hostage, proposes that women are prone to becoming paralyzed in relation to their calling when challenged to take risks that require a greater valuing of themselves, their dreams, and their needs. Participants’ barriers in relation to their calling were analyzed via symbolic imagery, drawing, and journaling.
Participants’ experience revealed that the internalization of masculine definitions of success could inhibit women in granting themselves permission to pursue their calling.
Learning Three, Shame as a Portal to Destiny, proposes that participants’ obstacles were rooted in shame which inhibited them from expressing their authentic gifts in the world, for fear of re-experiencing childhood wounding. This learning was derived from journaling questions related to the obstacles to calling. Participants shared stories from their childhoods, referring to both familial and institutional settings, almost all of which indicated that shame played a significant role in relation to their obstacles.
Learning Four, Wild Loss Grieved Feeds the Soil of Calling, proposes that suppressed grief can block calling and lead to isolation, whereas grief and longing that is named and expressed within a collective can facilitate women reclaiming their instinctual energies, which supports calling. This learning was culled on the first day of research from the “as if living your calling” exercise, , and on the second day from the writing and discussion, in which participants identified key moments, and offered feedback to initial interpretations.
Learning Five, Intimacy with Nature and the Inner Marriage, proposes that women who are blocked in their calling as a result of a deficient relationship with the 18 feminine and masculine principles can develop capacities of both, through engaging their ecological imagination. This learning is based on participants’ conversations with the earth in relation to their calling and obstacle. It was apparent from participants’ experience that a lack of the Mother and Father face of the Friend negatively impacted their sense of self in the world.
Significance and Implications of the Study
The significance of this research lies in its timing. As Bolen said, “gather the women, save the world.” 69 This bold statement indicates a pressing need for women to claim their gifts and unique callings, not simply for their own self-esteem or sense of agency, but for the collective welfare. Ecopsychologists on the whole are adding their voices to this sense of urgency, as they point to the symptoms, not only of individuals, but also of society as a whole.
This research offers information to therapists who are working clinically with women clients, as well as cultural leaders who aim to have a more wide-reaching impact.
It reveals fear, shame, and unexpressed grief as central obstacles, and addresses intra- psychic as well as environmental factors. In addition, it validates the efficacy of nature- based practices as an intervention that facilitates the reemergence of capacities.
19
CHAPTER 2
LITERATURE REVIEW
Introduction and Overview
This review of literature focuses on Women’s Adult Development, Women’s
Obstacles to Success, Ecopsychology, and Imaginal Psychology, each of which aims to address in a unique way: 1) the Research Problem: What imaginal structures arise for women as they engage their destiny? and 2) the hypothesis that the obstacles women face in this area of their lives are positively correlated to a deficiency in relationship to the positive aspects of the Mother and Father face of the Friend.
The first section of literature, Women’s Adult Development, begins by situating the study of women’s development within the social and political context out of which the study of women’s development began, and subsequently presents theorists who address inequities within the field, as well as groundbreaking understanding of women’s psychology. In order to counter the trend of prioritizing the male experience at the expense of women, the following theorists centralize women’s lived realities. Bolen presents three distinct waves of feminism, while Brown imparts the feminist psychology that arises out of the movement. O’Leary and Hansen discuss the ways in which feminism informs social psychology. Gilligan reconsiders moral development through the lens of women’s relational ethics, and Miller examines women’s affiliation needs as strengths rather than weaknesses. Chodorow focuses exclusively on motherhood as an institution that perpetuates inequities. Jessica Benjamin explores the splitting of the 20 masculine and feminine in relation to domination. Josselson, Emily Hancock, and
Belenkey et al. discuss women’s development and its relationship to the creation of identity. Luise Eichenbaum and Susie Orbach focus on attachment in female relationships in correlation with issues of dependency and autonomy. Bruce Lincoln and Virginia
Beane Rutter use initiatory passages as a lens to understanding women’s process of maturation. Overall this section addresses the ways in which the women’s movement impacted and changed the understanding of women’s internal experience and how that interfaces with a society steeped in bias.
The second section, Women’s Obstacles to Success, offers deeper insight into the specific dynamics that women face when attempting to move toward their calling, as well as a discussion of fear, grief and shame. This section addresses impediments to success from various perspectives including developmental, affective, psychodynamic, and social psychology. It serves the purpose of exploring the impediments to success that are common to women. Seminal authors include Horner, Nathanson, Gershen Kaufman and
Balint.
Horner’s study on the motive to avoid success is presented, exposing women’s fear of negative consequences due to the societal association of success and traditionally masculine traits.1 Phoebe Kazdin Schnitzer and Marice Pappo offer alternative views and incorporate how the phenomenon occurs across sex. Krueger and Ellen Ruderman examine women’s fear of success from a psychodynamic and developmental perspective.
Julien B. Rotter’s concept of internal and external locus of control is presented and discussed in relation to fear of success by Nina Midgley and Marsha Stein Abrams.2
Valerie Tate Angel and Ellen Agoos include a wider range of factors and present the idea 21 of the social unconscious.3 A series of authors explore fear of success in relationship to ethnic backgrounds such as African American, Latina, Asian and Native American.
O’Leary and Hansen present research on the perception of success and failure in women and men. Lastly Vicki Noble speaks of princess-consciousness and how it weakens women’s will.4
The subcluster on fear begins with Nathanson who situates it within the affective system and describes it as primarily a physiological experience. Rush W. Dozier, Jr. and
Thom Rutledge present two poles of fear, one that serves a needed survival function, and one that distorts perceptions of reality inhibiting healthy functioning. Sardello links fear and soul, hypothesizing that fear is an independent force currently growing in potency.
He proposes alternatives to succumbing that when employed act to strengthen soul and connection with the world.
The discussion on shame is situated within affect theory and is explained as an auxiliary affect by Nathanson. Kaufman elucidates the different faces of shame, familial sources, and basic needs that if not met result in shame-based identities. John Bradshaw differentiates between healthy shame and toxic shame, and Balint offers an object- relations perspective, explaining the function of the dyad in the creation of what he refers to as the basic fault.
The third section presents an overview of the concept of destiny. Perspectives presented span psychological, mythic, cultural, and spiritual dimensions and describe the landscape of calling in relationship to influences such as the earth and cosmos, fate, wounding, cultural, and historical contexts into which one is born, and collective as well as personal dimensions. To begin, Jung and von Franz present individuation as a concept 22 that parallels the idea of destiny.5 From an existential perspective, May explores the relationship between freedom and destiny. Hillman, Meade, Houston, Campbell, and
Omer present the concept of destiny through the lens of soul and myth, while David
Whtye explores the relationship between identity transformation and one’s true work.
Sardello, Sussman, and Gruber centralize the initiation of soul in relation to destiny.
Malidoma Somé offers an indigenous perspective linking destiny, community and nature.
Albert Bandura highlights the role of chance as it pertains to the unfoldment of one’s life path. All contributors address the elusive nature of destiny and the importance of following guidance.
The fourth section, Ecopsychology, is a survey of the field of psychology that has emerged out of the influences of indigenous wisdom, deep ecology, and ecofeminism. It speaks to both the theory and practice of ecopsychology. It is pertinent to the study because the methodology and theories both drew substantially upon this field within psychology.
To begin, the theory and aim of ecopsychology as presented by Roszak, and the practice known as ecotherapy by Buzzel and Chalquist are discussed.6 Subsequently
Glendinning and Abram discuss disassociation as the most pervasive symptom in modern society and note its origins in the fearful withdrawal from the natural world.7 Bender addresses ecocide as a behavior stemming from disassociation.8 In general, eco- psychologists acknowledge the pathology of the culture as creating and reinforcing many of the symptoms seen in modernized people. In addition, Plotkin and Berry examine the dichotomy of nature and culture. 23 A subcluster on the deep ecology movement follows, presenting theorists Naess,
Joanna Macy, and Molly Young Brown all of whom support the idea of an ecological self that is identified with a wider community than exclusively human.9 Sessions, Devall, and
Laura Sewall speak to an ecological consciousness that can be cultivated through practices based on this wider identification.10 And, Gary Snyder offers an example of theory-in-practice in his proposal of re-inhabitation.11
In the following subcluster on ecofeminism, theorists Taylor, Diamond, and
Spretnak describe the origins, aims, and influences of ecofeminism while D’Souza, Kelly and Griffin address issues of power that shape the prevailing worldview, citing the scientific and industrial revolutions as sources of anthropocentrism and androcentrism.
Taylor adds critical commentary concerning ecofeminism and presents the environmental justice movement as an alternative that is more inclusive of the issues that people of color confront.12
The last section on Imaginal Psychology presents some core concepts from the theory-in-practice by Omer, such as imaginal structures and the Mother and Father face of the Friend. Other theorists, including Woodman and Leonard offer their understanding of the masculine and feminine principles, their characteristics, and their relationship to one another.
Women’s Adult Development
Phyllis Chesler offers an overview of women as they have been viewed and treated within the profession of psychology throughout the nineteenth century. Pointing to the time in Greece when it became forbidden to partake in the rites celebrating the 24 mother-daughter bond of the goddesses Demeter and Persephone, she proposes that women have since been in exile, which has led a disproportionate amount of women to seek psychological help, or to be institutionalized for madness. She explains,
Since clinicians and researchers, as well as their patients and subjects, adhere to a masculine standard of mental health, women, by definition, are viewed as psychiatrically impaired-whether they accept or reject the female role-simply because they are women.13
She reveals that between 1950 and 1970 women in the United States and Canada, as well as England and Sweden have both, been perceived as, and have seen themselves as more pathological than men.14
Bolen believes the climate is changing and that the women’s movement and other historical struggles for equality have led to this pivotal time in history that beckons women to unite and embrace a collective destiny on behalf of the deep feminine, the earth and all of life.15 She illustrates that collective action is not new to women. She recalls the suffragette movement in which women banded together in the struggle to obtain the vote in the early twentieth century, recounting the challenges that women encountered in their attempts to be included in the political process: “When they marched in the streets, they were spit upon, laughed at, and some were arrested. Of those who were jailed, numbers of them were beaten.” 16 She also enumerates some the rights that were fought for during that time, such as the right to own property, earn a living, seek education, and marry without a father’s legal approval.
The second wave of feminism, spurred on by the 1960s civil rights movement that sought equality on numerous fronts, ranging from personal to institutional was, according to Bolen, greatly influenced by: the civil rights movement, the publication of The
Feminine Mystique, written by Betty Friedan, and the 1963 Report on the Status of 25 Women, which exposed the economic disparities between men and women. In response, women began to gather in what was referred to as consciousness-raising groups to discuss issues that were both political and deeply personal. The recognition of the interrelationship between the two fueled the struggle to change power inequities within society, as well as within intimate relationships.
Bolen suggests that a third movement is at hand, which she refers to as the women’s peace movement; she describes:
I believe the third wave of feminism…is growing out of the recognition that only when women and children are safe from violence, deprivation, and abuse will the cycle of violence begetting violence, which underlies terrorism and wars, end. Compassion, spirituality, the desire and necessity for peace, and maternal concern, combined with feminism is the force that can save the world. 17
This third wave, Bolen suggests, has its origins in a groundswell that began at the first
International League for Peace and Freedom meeting in 1915 in the Netherlands, and perhaps even earlier, in 1870 when Julia Ward Howe wrote the Mother’s Day
Proclamation that called for women of the world to gather in the name of peace.7 She counsels that it is the deep and abiding concern of the mother, whether literal or archetypal, which is needed to change the winds of fate, and foster a destiny of global peace.18
Psychology was one of many disciplines that was informed by the women’s movement according to Brown.19 The original context in which this occurred was consciousness-raising groups, followed by more formal forums such as conferences.
Brown shares that Feminist therapy is less of a modality per se, and more of a set of values that inform varied approaches. Core principles reflect those of the women’s movement: 1) Inclusion of the diversity of experience, with attention to ethnicity, class, 26 sexual orientation, spiritual or religious persuasion, and age; 2) Equality within the therapeutic context, with awareness of the power differential inherent in the psychotherapeutic relationship; 3) Awareness of social factors affecting behavior in addition to the intrapsychic material presented; 4) Questioning of gender based, and thus polarized understanding of independence and relatedness; 5) Transparency of bias and value systems within the approach, including the intent to affect change not only internally, but externally in cases where oppressive circumstances impinge on the client’s well-being.
Brown acknowledges that humanistic psychology, as spearheaded by Carl Rogers, incorporates the basic premises of equality, as seen in the belief in the inherent healing and problem-solving capacity of the client.20 Although she believes client-centered therapy is a model of empowerment, she also exposes the gap inherent in humanistic psychology, and particularly Rogers’ approach, which she claims is the lack of attention to the social and political influences that must be acknowledged in order to truly address human suffering.
The women’s movement also informed Social Psychology, according to O’Leary,
Unger and Wallston.21 Similar to Brown’s critique of Humanistic Psychology, O’Leary
Unger and Wallston point to the absence of context within theory and research, such as the influence of socialization.22 They attribute the deepening and expansion of social psychology to the influence of what at first appeared to be issues of concern only to women. Some examples of the positive influence include, recognition of bias, increased use of qualitative research, implementation of multiple modalities, and amplified relevancy of research to other disciplines as well as to women’s daily lives.23 27 Gilligan was the first to address morality in relation to women’s development.
She points out that previous research by major theorists such as Sigmund Freud, Jean
Piaget and Lawrence Kohlberg conclude that women have inferior capacities of moral judgment.24 Kohlberg in particular concludes that women’s moral development is arrested due in part to the primacy of relatedness over independence.25
In contrast, Gilligan asserts that female’s moral compass differs from male’s, validating women’s struggle to balance affiliative needs with autonomous ones.26 Like
Kohlberg and Kramer, she offers three main stages, but defines them differently.27 The preconventional stage centers on one’s own survival, the conventional stage includes other’s needs, and postconventional stage relates to truth, and the aim to do no harm. For
Gilligan, the development from one stage to the other is based on relatedness and a sense of self, whereas for Kohlberg it depends on cognition. In addition, Gilligan challenges the accepted markers of life cycle development. She states, “By changing the lens of developmental observation from individual achievement to relationships of care, women depict ongoing attachment as the path that leads to maturity.” 28 As such, she succeeds in redefining adult development, and hence normalizes women’s experience. Furthermore, she suggests that it is society that needs to be reexamined, not women.29
Miller speaks in accordance with Gilligan reaffirming the centrality of affiliative needs in women’s psychology.30 She describes women’s development as distinct from male’s, commenting:
One central feature is that women stay with, build on, and develop in a context of connections with others. Indeed, women’s sense of self becomes very much organized around being able to make and then maintain affiliations and relationships. Eventually, for many women the threat of disruption of connection is perceived not as just a loss of a relationship but as something closer to a total loss of self.31 28 She proposes that although relatedness is sanctioned to the realm of females, while autonomy and self-determination to the realm of males, it is ultimately connection that fosters maturation in both men and women.
Women are challenged in taking stock of their own strengths, and putting those abilities to use, says Miller.32 She highlights women’s often overlooked and undervalued capacities that can backfire when met with bias: 1) The ability to acknowledge and withstand vulnerable feelings can lead to over identification with this trait as feminine, leaving women stuck in a narrow gender identity that can reinforce polarization, deeming men as strong and capable; 2) The ability to experience and express emotion has been delegated to women, while men have been sanctioned as rational. As a result women are commonly judged as overly emotional; 3) Supporting the growth of others, although a strength, often comes at the expense of one’s own development; 4) Valuing cooperation and creative engagement are life enhancing and yet women who employ this approach to work or life in general, are not held in high esteem.33
Having outlined belief systems that lead to the dichotomization of human traits along gender lines, Miller offers a glimpse into possibilities of the future:
Inequality distorts and negates a valuable ability…As women refuse to become carriers of some of the central unresolved problems of male-led society, and as women move on to become the proponents of some of the best parts of human potential, we will, I think, create a climate in which men will face the challenge of grappling with their own issues, in their own way.34
She implies that men can benefit from reclaiming projections on women, which would in turn allow them to retrieve and embody what has historically been deemed weak, unworthy, and feminine. She posits that this could lead to an overall reconsideration of values leading to the adoption of more humane and egalitarian ones. 29 Continuing the analysis of gender dichotomization, Chodorow deconstructs motherhood as an institution.35 She claims that until the industrial revolution, motherhood was integrated into other productive and valued aspects of community such as mentoring girls and providing food and clothing that was yet to be supplied through manufacturing. The result of mass production, she claims, was the splitting of productivity and homemaking. Production became the esteemed domain of men in the world while homemaking became the devalued domain of women. As a result women became isolated and their roles were reduced to caretakers of children and men.
Chodorow suggests questioning basic assumptions based on biological determinism that continue to be used to justify gender inequality.36 She points out that when social conditions are viewed as natural, instinctual and universal, oppression is veiled and circumstances are presumed to be reflective of a natural order rather than of a social construction. She asserts that this pertains to the institution of motherhood, which maintains unjust social and economic conditions and remains shrouded in assumptions of biological destiny.
Patricia Phillips and Fred Rozendal speak of motherhood as a form of indirect creativity.37 Conversely they describe activities such art, philosophy and having a career as direct creativity.38 The authors maintain that historically most women have been forced into the prior, thus left to experience creativity second hand. This vicarious creativity occurs through supporting others, primarily children and husbands, to create.39
Phillips and Rozendal report that women who choose both career and mothering often experience guilt and depression.40 Speaking of the attitudes that still contribute to this, they write: 30 Today, instead of speaking directly of inferiority the popular belief is that the husband’s work must always come first and the woman’s primary place is in the home. In contemporary societies, despite changing priorities, most women cannot avoid realizing that they not only have a different destiny from that of men, but in certain important respects a lesser one.41
They conclude that although women have more choices, they also have new conflicts.
Benjamin explores gender dichotomization as it pertains to dominance and submission from the viewpoint of inter-subjective theory.42 Her orientation affirms the interaction of two separate but related individuals, as opposed to classical psychoanalysis that is based on the understanding of the other as existing in the form of a representation within one’s unconscious. She centralizes the human need for recognition which she defines as, “that response from the other that makes meaningful the feelings, intentions, and actions of the self.” 43 She also acknowledges that a paradox of recognition exists, explaining that dependency underlies the desire to be seen which can stimulate a need to control the other.44
Benjamin warns that if one is unable to hold the paradoxical needs for dependency and autonomy, splitting occurs in which the two poles are experienced as opposites, as can be seen in the division of the masculine and feminine.45 This perception then gets externalized in relationships in the form of dominance and submission in which
“one side is devalued, the other idealized.” 46 She hypothesizes that women claiming their own subjectivity or experience, challenges the structure of dominance making possible mutual recognition between equals.47
Belenky et al. observe that trust in one’s subjective experience and in one’s intuition, are indicators of the internalization of authorship.48 Through qualitative research consisting of interviews and case studies of 135 economically and ethnically 31 diverse women they present five modes of perception rather than distinct stages of development.49 The modes are as follows. Received knowledge refers to a manner in which absorbing information from external sources dominates over speaking one’s one perceptions.50 Secondly, in subjective knowledge, women claim their own authority based on their intuitive perceptions.51 There are two types of procedural knowledge, one in which objectivity is slowly reintegrated and trust in one’s own voice begins to take root, and the second, in which there is separate knowing based on thinking and impersonal perception.52 Connected knowing is informed by feeling and empathic relatedness.53 Lastly, they name constructed knowledge, which speaks to an integration of subjective and objective perception as well as thinking and feeling.54 They conclude that perception that includes both subjective experience and objective input are indicative of a high level of development.55 They point out, “The interior voice has become for us, the hallmark of women’s emergent sense of self and sense of agency and control.” 56
Eichenbaum and Orbach discuss the ways in which social and psychological realities of mothers impact daughters, and their subsequent relationships with other women in adulthood.57 They hypothesize that dynamics regarding issues of dependency and autonomy are experienced within an undifferentiated state between mother and daughter, which they refer to as merged attachment.58 Through this bond, many messages are transmitted which they refer to as the “psychological laws of women’s culture.” 59 This includes imperatives to be empathic, generous, highly attuned to, and responsive to the subtle cues of others. Stepping outside of this by pursuing autonomous goals is understood by the authors to be taboo, as it is perceived of as selfish and ultimately unfeminine. 32 Eichenbaum and Orbach assert, “The phenomena of merged attachment is the fabric out of which adult female relationships are fashioned.” 60 They add, women’s relationships with one another are complex and often include feelings of deep connection and support, as well as envy, competition and fear of abandonment.61 If women do not understand the source of these feelings as indicative of their own conflicted longings, they may try and sabotage the success of other women. Eichenbaum and Orbach encourage women to risk acknowledging differences and addressing conflict directly; they claim that by so doing women can support rather than diminish each other’s need for individuation and recognition. As a result women will mature past merged attachments and into separated attachment in which both autonomy and belonging can co-exist.62
Maureen Murdock examines what occurs when daughters reject their mother, and instead identify with the father, specifically in relationship to success in the world.63 She uses the term daughters of the father to describe those who model their lives after, and seek approval from their fathers.64 These women are often high achievers, seeking power as defined by the masculine culture, that have decidedly rejected their personal mothers, as well as the feminine principle in the process.
Josselson also explores women’s development in relation to the consolidation of identity. Her qualitative research, consisting of in depth interviews with 60 college seniors from four colleges and universities, and on follow up interviews 12 years later, points to “affiliation in the quest for meaning in life” as central to a woman’s identity.65
She observes that the process of forming an identity is more complex for women due to the common dual need to tend relationships while also pursuing personal goals.66 She observes that women’s approaches to forging identity exist on a “continuum of 33 separation-individuation” and that those who are able to withstand the process of individuation most consistently achieve a cohesive identity.67
Joan Borysenko examines women’s development through the lenses of psychology, biology and spirituality.68 She concludes that relationship, as well as a sense of interdependence make up the core of a women’s inner compass.69 She observes that questions concerning life purpose and the meaning of success arise most commonly in women’s thirties, however it is typically the perimenopausal years when greater levels of testosterone are produced, that women more vigorously engage and act upon their values.70 She believes these hormonal changes strengthen a woman’s dynamic energy.71
Borysenko explains,
The rewiring of our nervous system to become direct currents of intuition enables us to access wisdom greater than our individual knowledge and to become conduits for a higher wisdom.72
She concludes that these biological changes coupled with a woman’s cumulative life experience, become the fuel for a fierceness that may have previously been hindered by the attempt to acquiesce the needs of others.73
Emily Hancock explores women’s development as well, forgoing a linear chronological schema.74 Rather, she draws the conclusion from in depth interviews with
20 women between the ages of 30 and 75 that women’s development occurs in a circular progression.75 She explains that the core self often goes underground shortly prior to puberty and reemerges later in life. According to Hancock, a woman’s identity is deeply tied to the liminal ages of eight to 10 years old in which she exists in an “interim space between fantasy and reality that fosters creative self-ownership.” 76 34 Hancock warns that women’s overemphasis on the needs of others and the weight of gender-based expectations interfere with the ability to attend more fully to their own development.77 Nonetheless, she offers hope in bringing attention to the potential in either remaining true to, or retrieving the spirit of the treasures sometimes left behind:
The girl of eight or nine has much to teach the woman about how to seize the subjective stance that lies at the heart of generative power. She naturally synthesizes the dualities of female and male in her androgyny…she utilizes dependence and independence in the tenacious pursuit of her interests. She embodies both sides of competence, encompassing social and relational mastery as well as concrete skill. Separate yet connected, she is autonomous and attached.78
Hancock describes the maturity of the woman coupled with the innate balance of the nine-year old as a template for becoming whole and authentically generative.
Taking a cross-cultural and anthropological perspective, Bruce Lincoln explores women’s development through the lens of initiation.79 He compares rituals of initiation from five distinct cultures: the South Indian, the Tiv of central Nigeria, the Navajo, the
Tukuna of Brazil, and, the ancient Greeks.80 Lincoln concludes that women’s initiations differ from men’s, naming the differences in social status as the cause for the distinction.81 He notes that,
Throughout history and throughout the cultures of the world, the social and political status of women has not been her own, but only a reflection of the status of some male relative, most frequently her father, husband, or son. …one important result is that women per se have no status.82
As a result of this social reality, Lincoln explains that the structure of initiation tends to differ for women. He points out that women, for the most part, do not leave their residence in preparation for their transformative experience, whereas the first stage of initiation for men is separation. He also reveals that men change in their rank as a result of initiation, whereas, women do not. This lack of separation, and change in social status 35 leads Lincoln to re-conceptualize the process of initiation, to one that more accurately reflects women’s experience. Whereas Arnold Van Gennep demarcates “separation, liminality, and reincorporation,” as the underlying archetype of initiation, Lincoln offers the female equivalent as, “enclosure, metamorphosis (or magnification), and emergence.”83
Virginia Beane Rutter too speaks of women’s development as an initiatory process.84 Based on her analytic work with women, she recognizes a pattern of transformation that commences with a period of containment, proceeds into a phase of transformation, and concludes with an experience of emergence.85 By exploring women’s initiations from three different cultural perspectives, she offers parallels between women’s experience of initiation, and the therapeutic process between a female therapist and a female client, proposing that both are rooted in accessing the archetype of initiation embedded in the mother-daughter relationship. Rutter points to the Greek myth of Demeter and Persephone, and the artifacts from ancient Anatolia, as examples of this archetype.86
She proposes that this therapeutic process carries within it, a unique capacity to bring forth a woman’s deeper story and voice, adding that the feminine container also serves the vital role of assisting women in coming to value the feminine and to question patriarchal values.87 She refers to the internalization of these diminishing values as, the patriarchal complex, and explains that, “The patriarchal attitude of woman as inferior is so deeply ingrained in our psyches that it has become a repressive force of archetypal proportions.” 88 36 Bolen speaks to a similar container, which she refers to as women’s circles.89
She believes that the power of women meeting in circles that have a spiritual center, have the power to change the world, and specifically to bring an end to patriarchy.90 Bolen asserts that conceptual and behavioral shifts within individuals ripple out to create shifts in culture, and through the power of women gathering, and rediscovering the value of their own voices, they can become “carriers of the divine feminine.” 91
In summary, it is clear that women’s adult development has become a valid area of psychological inquiry only in the last half century, and that women’s lives have historically been misunderstood and misinterpreted as a result of the marginalization of the female experience. The literature reviewed in this section reveal a substantial effort, on the part of women in the field of psychology to recognize the influence of bias based on factors such as sex, race, class, and sexual orientation. Primary themes addressed ways in which women’s experience differs from men, and how this puts women at a disadvantage when differences are perceived as inferior.
In terms of existing research on women’s development, Gilligan explored moral development and Josselson investigated identity formation, both offering theories that centralized women’s experience. Hancock added to the understanding of women’s development by revealing the impact of gender pressures that begin to take a visible toll in adolescence, and Borysenko included biology and spirituality as essential factors to consider. Belenkey et al. offered stages of development, unrelated to chronological age, concerning women’s ability to trust and develop complex ways of knowing. Chodorow and Benjamin, focused exclusively on gender dichotomization, as it influenced 37 motherhood and issues of domination, respectively. Miller provided an overarching view of women’s development as it pertained to affiliative, rather than autonomous needs.
The research is limited in its scope however, in that all studies remain situated within an anthropocentric paradigm, and thus limits the full scope of what can be understood about women’s development. Borysenko’s introduction of biological development begins to place women’s development within the web of life, but fails to acknowledge that biology is the bridge to perceiving development outside of the anthropocentric frame. Also, Gilligan’s exploration of moral development stops at human to human interactions and does not consider moral development in relation to all of life, again, leaving development within the anthropocentric paradigm.
In addition, although Josselson explored identity formation, and Belenkey et al. examined authorship via ways of knowing, left unexplored was the psycho-spiritual dimension of coming to know one’s unique calling. Josselson stopped short at identity that was ego-based, and left the realm of a more ecologically inclusive identity untouched. Belenkey et al. did validate subjective knowing thus legitimizing intuition, however knowing that arises from relatedness with the earth was not mentioned. The methodology of Imaginal Inquiry, which included nature based inquiry, provided new data in relationship to women’s development and calling in that it widened the definition of both identity and ways of knowing.
38 Women’s Obstacles to Success
Although opportunities for women have increased due to the women’s and civil rights movement, internal factors remain an impediment to women taking full advantage of the shifting social landscape. To help differentiate the factors involved in women’s obstacles to success, this section will be divided into four sub-sections: Women’s Fear of
Success, Fear, Grief, and Shame. The first section addresses an array perspectives concerning women’s fear of success including psychodynamic and developmental. The subsequent two sections focus exclusively on each affect, its physiological basis, and its healthy and unhealthy manifestations.
Women’s Fear of Success
Horner speaks of women’s motive to avoid success as a psychological block and indicates that performance is diminished when this barrier arises.92 In her study of 90 women and 88 men, she utilizes three scenarios to test for differences between men and women: one in which women compete against each other, a second in which men compete, and a third where individuals work alone against a set standard. The results revealed that 57 percent more women than men scored higher on the motive to avoid success. In a subsequent quantitative study Horner hypothesizes that women internalize social values that deem attributes such as “competence, independence, competition, and intellectual achievement” as masculine traits and therefore in conflict with femininity.93
As a methodology, men and women were separately given the following verbal cue indicating a successful outcome of someone of their own sex: “After first term finals,
Anne/John finds her/himself at the top of the medical class.” While men demonstrated 39 overall positive responses, the majority of females expressed distress upon hearing the success of a woman. The results suggest that fear of success is correlated with sex.
Horner concludes that women who are achievement oriented diminish their own chances of success through lowered expectations and diminished functioning for fear of being perceived, and therefore judged as unfeminine. She states, “Anxiety is aroused when one expects that the consequences of action will be negative. The anxiety then functions to inhibit the action expected to have negative consequences.” 94
Schnitzer presents an alternative perspective.95 She focuses on personality rather than social or environmental factors. Questioning the theory that loss of feminine identity and fear of related repercussions is primarily at stake for women, she proposes instead that interpersonal relationships are, for both sexes. She writes,
Whereas women tend to describe a specific conflict between marriage and career, men express a conflict of values in loftier terms. A dichotomy characterizes the themes for both sexes, one end of the dichotomy has to do with achievement and the other has to do with people.96
Although Schnitzer does not deny social variables, she does recommend including personality in the exploration of fear of success, suggesting that it may play a larger role than previously considered, in both men and women’s attempt to balance relationships and career goals.
Pappo also questions whether fear of success is limited to women; he defines fear of success as, “a psychological state, which results in observable paralysis, withdrawal, or retraction in the presence of a consciously understood, subjective or objective goal.” 97
Using quantitative measures in a laboratory setting, he tested the Fear of Success questionnaire for its ability to accurately predict those who might experience this in academic settings. Pappo finds that both men and women who demonstrate high degrees 40 of fear of academic success reveal a tendency to enact self-sabotaging behavior when success draws near.
Krueger explores, through a developmental and psychodynamic perspective, the underlying dynamics that contribute to women’s fear of success.98 He focuses on women’s development in relation to success phobia, which he remarks, lags behind the research on men’s achievement issues.99 Krueger defines success phobia as, “a specific and definite disturbance in the ability to comfortably complete or accept endeavors of achievement” in which the behavior of “recoiling from that which one is constantly striving for and values” is repeatedly enacted.100 He theorizes that when a child’s natural movement toward expressing autonomy and mastery is unsupported, or thwarted, inhibitions often become internalized and manifest as a fear of success.101 Lurking below conscious preoccupations regarding success and failure, lay conflicts rooted in the fear of losing the mother’s love, explains Kreuger.102
He continues, noting that although one might look to the current social context to understand a women’s fear of success, the true source of inhibiting constructs can be traced back to the social atmosphere of her childhood in which she internalized the more restrictive expectations and prohibitions of the time.103 Krueger points to both familial and cultural influences that simultaneously encourage dependency and discourage autonomy, as the seedbed of the critical super-ego.104 This typically results in one of two responses, either succumbing to the inhibiting forces, or rebelling against them. He states that the stance of succumbing to parental inhibition of individuation can be understood via the defeated proclamation, “I can’t,” and the rebellious stance of resisting inhibitions, through the assertion, “I won’t.” 105 41 According to Krueger, there are numerous ways in which these self-sabotaging adaptations manifest. Examples include: procrastinating, beginning projects but not finishing them, focusing on aspects of a project that do not address the main thrust that is required, identifying with a less than capable view of oneself, diminishing positive feedback, having general ambitions without setting specific goals, protecting the appearance of competency for fear that greater visibility will lead to the exposure of one’s inadequacies, and creating situations that undermine one’s success, such as accidents, and tardiness.106 He explains that this behavior reflects the super-ego in action.
In her exploration of women and success, Ruderman offers a developmental perspective, maintaining that the pre-oedipal phase marks a time in which deep imprints are created that may influence women to shy away from recognition and centrality, due to negative messages girls often receive about their desire for this.107 In her estimation, this self-limiting behavior is a form of masochism.
Viewed from the perspective of the ego, Ruderman hypothesizes that the masochistic position serves a self-protective function: to preserve the needed love object, even if it is a cruel one.108 In order to avoid separation, a woman might internalize negative messages, surrender her own identity, and succumb to a paralysis of her will.
She suggests that the reclamation of power cannot be found in competing with men for high-ranking positions in the corporate world. Rather, she defines power as a reflection of how a woman experiences herself, claiming, “True power resides in the conviction a woman attains about her own self-definition, one which gives her permission to make vital choices and then empowers her to realize her goals.” 109 42 Ruderman utilizes two case studies of women from different ethnic and socio- economic backgrounds to demonstrate the positive effect a female analyst can have on her patients when she is aware of her own personal issues as a woman, regarding success.110 She lists the five major stumbling blocks women face in relation to success as: “ambition, aggression, assertion, achievement and advancement.” 111 Central themes that arise when working with women’s often conflicted relationship with success, according to Ruderman are masochism as a means of self-protection, co-transference, and mainstream cultural influences.
Based on her own research, clinical practice, and the work of others in the field,
Ruderman concludes that after considering the political and cultural climate, a key factor in women’s complex relationship to success can be traced back to attachment issues.112
She names fear of object loss as a central component in the multi-faceted equation of women and success, suggesting that the deep and often unrecognized fear of loss of connection with one’s mother can cause women to inhibit their own experience of success.
Rotter offers a different theory that relates to fear of success, that of internal and external locus of control which describes the degree to which one attributes outcome to either internal capacities or external circumstance such as chance.113 Midgley and
Abrams utilize Rotter’s concept in their examination of the relationship between fear of success and degrees of feeling externally controlled.114 They chose 108 undergraduate women for the study and utilized Horner’s Fear of Success story completion and Rotter’s
Internal-External Locus of Control Scale as their methodology. They hypothesized that 43 fear of success and belief in external control would be positively correlated, and found this to be true. They state,
those subjects with high external control scores felt more victimized by circumstance and less able to act positively on their environments than subjects who received lower scores…Higher scoring subjects seemed also to be less autonomous and less likely to penetrate the social barriers that serve to obstruct successful female achievement.115
The authors propose further investigation into possible developmental factors in the motivation to avoid success.
Angel and Agoos believe that it is essential to recognize that it is not only personal intra-psychic material that inhibits women, but also what they refer to as the social unconscious.116 They comment, “Sexist thinking embodies the idea that women who take initiative have needs for self-recognition or claim personal authority are unattractive, self-serving, and masculine.” They contend that it is the moral responsibility of the therapist to tend to the social unconscious as to not individualize the problem.
Christopher Peterson and Martin E.P. Seligman discuss learned helplessness, which they describe as the “emotional numbing and maladaptive passivity” that arises in victims when a specific experience of helplessness is generalized.117 They indicate that self-esteem diminishes in the face of the cognitive belief that one’s response is irrelevant to the outcome.
Jaqueline Fleming explores fear of success as it pertains to African American college women.118 Fifty-five black undergraduates participated in two one-hour achievement related scenarios in which motive and performance were measured.
Significant findings most significantly related to issues of class: For women from working class backgrounds, fear of success had the greatest inhibitory impact on 44 achievement when related to nontraditional activities, while for middle-class women fear of success was positively correlated to performance.
Yvonne Martinez Thorne investigates the degree to which fear of success and sex role traditionalism impacts achievement motivation of high achieving Latina women.119
Through referrals and the title VII Bilingual Education Fellowship Program, she enrolled
63 Latina women between the ages of 26 and 67 for the study. All participants were engaged in attaining doctoral degrees, and lived in New York. Thorne employed quantitative approaches to measure sex role traditionalism, fear of success, and achievement motivation, and a quantitative approach in the form of 90-minute interviews focused on the attainment and lack of attainment of personal goals.
Thorne hypothesized that sex role traditionalism would have a significant impact on achievement motivation. She found a range of attitudes and behaviors in relation to traditional sex roles that were context dependent. Within settings of achievement, participants were less traditionally oriented, while at home their behavior became more traditional. Nonetheless, she found that participants experienced challenges such as
“interpersonal conflict, repression of achievement strivings, to physical exhaustion/illness” in relation to success.120 Although fear of success was seen, it was lower than expected.
Angela S. Lew, Rhiannon Allen, Nicholas Papouchis and Barry Ritzler investigated fear of success in Asian American college students.121 Their sample population consisted of 185 Asian American students from east and west coast colleges who participated in Asian-American social, cultural, or academic clubs or in classes related to Asian-American psychology, history, culture or language. Their average age 45 was 20 years. In order to test their hypothesis that fear of success would be positively correlated with deviation from parental values and with a more collective rather than individualistic orientation toward achievement, they utilized qualitative measures consisting of questionnaires.
The results indicate that biculturalism is associated with a more varied approach to achievement, allowing greater capacity to engage both cultural norms. The findings indicate nonetheless that those who were more identified with the collective and socially oriented achievement as per their heritage, did experience greater fear of academic success while those more identified with individualism experienced less. In terms of gender differences, the study indicates a positive correlation between acculturation and individual oriented achievement in men, but not in women. The authors hypothesize that this may be related to women’s tendency toward relatedness, as described by Gilligan
(1982) and Chodorow (1978).
Elena Alderete-Baker investigates fear of success in relation to achievement motives, as experienced by eight professional Native American women, who came from different tribes in the North America.122 Through qualitative interviews she gathered their narratives in order to determine what factors assisted their accomplishment within the dominant culture. She found that positive influences that aided achievement were, a sense of determination, valuation of working hard, and seeking support from family and traditions, all of which appeared to have been fostered in their youth. She also notes that
“poverty, racism, cultural dissonance, familial and cultural restrictions and family expectations” served to either promote or endorse fear of success and the motive to avoid it.123 46 O’Leary and Hansen bring attention to the issue of bias based on sex and its effect on the perception of success and failure in women and men.124 Although extensive research has been done in the area of achievement with differing outcomes, they contend that,
Ample evidence can be found indicating that sex does influence perceiver’s causal explanation for behavior, particularly achievement-performance behaviors…A woman is never considered as competent as a man following success or as incompetent as a man following failure.125
The authors indicate that research reveals that women’s accomplishments are more often than not attributed to causes such as good fortune, exertion of effort, or the relative ease of the undertaking, rather than to competence.126 They propose that supporting women in taking ownership and credit for their successes as reflective of ability could be an effective approach to addressing internalized sex-bias.
Noble comments that many women healers in particular, are stuck in what she calls, princess-consciousness, which is an attitude of victimization, and an over- identification with being wounded, with a stance of insufficiency.127 She claims that
Western women in particular are in great need of developing their will, which is an anti- dote to the princess-consciousness. She states, “Perhaps the deepest form of creativity facing a Shakti Woman is the invention of her own life, the actual determining of her own destiny.” 128
The literature and research relative to women’s fear of success raises questions about how success is defined. Much of the research left unquestioned the accepted masculine definition of success based on concepts of winning, recognition, and visibility.
Horner considered the influence of contexts that were more or less competitive, but not the masculine competitive definition of success itself. Pappo studied success in an 47 academic setting, which reinforces a limited definition of success. Krueger defined success using the words, “endeavors of achievement” also contributing to a narrow definition of success based on cultural values. Although Ruderman recognized a woman’s need for self-definition, she nonetheless focused on the need for recognition and centrality in her exploration of women and success.
The research was also limited by cultural biases in relation to anthropocentrism.
Ruderman and Krueger brought to light how attachment issues influence fear of success, but failed to recognize that the lack of attachment to the natural world may play a significant role in both defining success, and in developing capacities to engage one’s individual path to success. Additionally, Rotter explored internal and external loci of control in relation to success, which once again sources from culturally limited views.
From an ecological perspective control is not necessarily the central question and internal and external are not as easily differentiated. Likewise, Thorne examines the role of context, looking at traditional roles for women in home and at work. Valuable as this is, once again, the context of nature as a variable is not mentioned. Whereas Angel and
Agoos focus on the impact of the social unconscious and its inhibitory effects, I propose that the ecological unconscious, if brought to awareness, could have an encouraging effect on women’s relationship to success by widening the definition of success and nourishing capacities in that direction.
The methodology in this research design allowed for the questioning of two culturally defined factors: success and contextual influences. Because participants defined their own relationship with calling, success was not assumed to be based on traditionally sanctioned values. Also, the nature-based methodology allowed for contexts 48 not previously included as variables, in regards to women’s fear of success, to be included.
Fear
Nathanson, situates fear among the negative affects which he lists as fear-terror, distress-anguish, and anger-rage.129 Fear-Terror is described as a physiological reaction in which the nervous system enters a state of hyper vigilance. 130 Terror is understood as the most intense form of fear.131 He also introduces the concept of pattern matching, a brain function which allows learning to take place through the matching of past and present experience.132 In normal circumstances, the brain processes information in such a way as to register similar patterns, thus allowing learning to occur from novel situations.
However when trauma is a factor, this capacity can become inhibited due to the way memories are stored, making it difficult to learn from new situations.133 He explains,
…those who seem to be unable to learn from their experiences, to use failure or success as a guide to future behavior, may be blocked by their inability to make reference to certain memories that have been kept hidden within the unconscious.134
In this case, it is not only the affect fear that can inhibit growth, but also neurological limitations that might otherwise support new behavior.
Dozier also speaks about the connection between the experience of fear, and the functioning of the brain. He distinguishes between the primitive fear system, the rational fear system, and consciousness, the latter, which he conceives of as an evolving mediator between the two.135 According to Dozier, the primitive fear system functions outside of conscious will. It is run by the limbic system, which operates at a speed beyond our 49 awareness. Without any conscious thought process, danger is assessed almost immediately, leading to either a fight or flight response.
Contrarily, the rational fear system operates more slowly, and is centered in the frontal lobes of the cerebral cortex, especially in the pre-frontal cortex. This part of the brain receives information from the limbic system and makes refined judgments, based on a more detailed assessment of the potential threat. Various responses are considered, as this part of the brain is able to imagine numerous possibilities and outcomes.
Although Dozier recognizes that science has yet to prove that consciousness is rooted in the brain, he nonetheless asserts it is this function that ultimately makes the final decision. He describes the process as one of weighing information from the limbic system, which speaks in the language of affect, and information from the cerebral cortex, which speaks in the language of reason.136 In some circumstances however, Dozier reveals, consciousness may not be able to override the limbic system’s often, tenacious input. Limitations withstanding, Dozier believes that seeking to overcome fear is as much a part of human nature as is the tendency to avoid risk. He elucidates that fear creates a state of heightened awareness, and as a result, the act of facing one’s fears can actually be pleasurable.
The decision to face one’s fears, rather than allow them to limit one’s life, is echoed by Rutledge who divides fear into two categories: healthy fear and neurotic fear.137 He educates that healthy fear is needed, as it alerts one to danger, while neurotic fear stems from an incessant need to be in control, and clouds one’s perceptions with negative self-talk.138 50 Rutledge affirms that the most important aspect of transforming fear is to be in direct relationship with it, rather than being identified with it.139 He suggests personifying the two faces of fear, offering the name ally to healthy fear, and bully, to neurotic fear, thus increasing conscious awareness of these inner processes. He also summarizes his approach to fear in the following acronym: F.E.A.R.: “Face it, Explore it,
Accept it, Respond to it.” 140
Omer too proposes that in order to offset the damaging impact of the internal saboteur, one needs to make contact with a more benevolent force.141 He speaks of the
Friend as “the deep potentials of the soul which guide us to act with passionate objectivity and encourage us to align with the creative will of the cosmos.” 142
Contrarily, the gatekeeper limits one’s ability to act. Omer defines the gatekeeper as “the personification of the dynamics…that resist and restrict experience.” He notes that gatekeeping functions at both the individual and collective level, employing the term cultural gatekeeping to speak of the cultural phenomena.143
In contrast, Sardello does not view fear as an individual problem, or as caused by the brain, rather he looks to the realm of soul.144 He defines fear as, “…that which dulls the immediate experience of our true human identity-of who we are as individuals.” 145
Sardello believes that to reject fear, is to reject an opportunity to strengthen soul.
In his estimation, fear is an independent force in the world that must be engaged, with growing courage, not for individual benefit alone, but for the world. He describes the process as alchemical in nature, resulting in the transmutation of fears into capacities, which lead not only to greater wholeness, but also to deeper communion with the world. 51 Sardello defines what he calls, the soul-body, as a subtle aspect of the body, which includes, but is not limited to our physical body.146 He informs that fear causes the soul-body to retreat, resulting in a higher sense of separation and fragmentation, which in turns creates even greater receptivity to the force of fear. Sardello proposes that when one is attuned to love, which he defines as “the force of connection,” rather than fear, the result is an experience of body-world unity.147 He describes this as a state of fluid boundaries, connectivity and relatedness.
In relation to the development of these sensitivities, Sardello views this as individual work that can be done on behalf of the whole and that is necessary in order to restore soul to a world inflicted with fear. He explains,
The presence of fear, when it is strong, disrupts our ability to sense the numinous quality within the things of the world. We are now called to work out of our own soul realm, to find and experience numinosity in an inner way, and then to return this presence to the world rather than keeping it for ourselves exclusively.148
Sardello offers a view of fear that is rooted in the subtle realms and yet addresses the concrete issue of what he sees as a pervasive and growing culture of fear.
Noble addresses the fear that lives in women’s bodies when it comes to claiming female power. She calls them racial and genetic fears.149 They arise from the oppressive aspect of women’s history. She recollects that in the past a woman’s autonomous act would likely lead to being stoned to death. She refers specifically to the Inquisition when any woman who was adept at healing would be considered a witch and would be burnt at the stake. She adds that many women were raped and tortured until they admitted to the accusations.150 Noble sites that in total, nine million women were murdered during those times. 52 Addressing fear from the same context of oppression, Mary Daly employs the term embedded fears.151 She theorizes that these fears often exist outside of women’s conscious awareness, and yet function to control and silence them nonetheless. She asserts that “existential courage” is required in order to truly break free.152
Research on fear ranges from the biological to the psychological. Sardello extended the psychological to include the spiritual. The research and theory however lack data that is steeped in Imaginal Psychology, thus leaving the topic of fear and the soul, outside of the realm of research. This study explored fear from an imaginal perspective, allowing imagery to lead, through the use of symbols, art, and movement. This approach differentiates this study, and extends the research on fear to include more of the soul’s relationship to fear.
Grief
Nathanson places grief in the category of negative affects, specifically under the type called distress-anguish.153 He explains affects in relation to the nervous system revealing that crying results from the system being overloaded by stimuli. The stimuli can source from either internal or external experiences, such as physical discomfort, or upsetting memories, thoughts, or perceptions. He continues, saying that grief has a longer duration, and describing it as a “mood” that arises from, “prolonged periods of distress precipitated by the experience of personal loss.” 154 He points out that cultural conditioning serves to inhibit the expression of grief, as well as other affective experiences, offering the example, of having a stiff upper lip. He concludes that crying in public, is especially taboo, and therefore dissuaded. 53 Clarissa Pinkola Estés acknowledges the need for speaking one’s grief and being supported by others, warning that without grieving one’s losses one can live in a
“dead-zone.” 155 She writes,
Tears are the river that take you somewhere. Weeping creates a river around the boat that carries your soul-life. Tears lift your boat off the rocks, off dry ground, carrying it down river, to someplace new, someplace better.156
She suggests that when a woman is in touch with her instinctual self, she has greater access to grief, which can help to minimize shame from taking root. She calls the instinctual self the wild woman and defines it as the “female soul” and the “source of the feminine.” 157 Murdock acknowledges that women must grieve their separation from the instinctual selves, within a supportive container.158 She comments that the degree of sadness can vary depending on the depth of severance a woman has experienced from herself, and her gifts.
As with the topic of fear, research is lacking in the field of psychology on grief that employs a methodology that provides data sourced from non-linear approaches. This study employed movement, sound, gesture, art, and symbols from nature, all of which provided underutilized sources of data collection, to more fully understand the phenomena of grief.
Shame
Nathanson who presents fear as part of the negative affects, describes shame as an adjunct affect. He reveals that the presence of shame is experienced only in relation to the interruption of the positive affects interest-excitement and enjoyment-joy.159 He adds that shame is the most recent affect to emerge evolutionarily, as it is complex and requires the interpretation of data in relation to past experiences. Nathanson elucidates, 54 The affect program for shame-humiliation is triggered in those common situations when an impediment occurs but whatever had been a competent stimulus for interest or enjoyment remains a competent stimulus for those affects…shame affect is a programmed response to an impediment to preexisting affect when there is every reason for that preexisting affect to continue! Shame affect is a highly painful mechanism that operates to pull the organism away from whatever might interest it or make it content. Shame is painful in direct proportion to the degree of positive affect it limits.160
Shame, like all affects are first and foremost physiological responses that are then experienced as emotion, concludes Nathanson.
Kaufman also views shame from within affect theory, and elucidates how the experience of shame, if chronically reinforced can become an entrenched identity.161
Shame, which he conveys as the “affect of inferiority” can be experienced as temporary, or permanent; when experienced with great “intensity, duration and frequency,” he explains that the shame becomes internalized.162 By this he means that the external influences that induce shame become active within the psyche, and repeat the toxic behavior from within, thus leading to a shame-based identity.
Shame, he maintains has numerous qualities, depending upon the specifics of the context in which it arises.163 These include: discouragement, self-consciousness, embarrassment, shyness, and shame. He educates that shame becomes active as a result of both innate physiological responses, and relational matrices.164 He points out the myriad of ways in which relationship, or what he refers to as the interpersonal bridge, can induce shame.165 Addressing the impact of parents specifically, he offers examples of shame induction: 1) when the child does not experience a sense of reciprocity in regards to mutual interest in one another, and a sense of being desired, 2) when the child is used by the parent to compensate for the parent’s own sense of failure, 3) when the parent uses the child as a surrogate parent rather than addressing his or her own wounds, 55 4) when the parent transmits the message that the child should not have any need for the parent.
Kaufman claims that children have specific needs that when unmet can lead to the internalization of shame.166 Among these are: the need for: touch, identification which leads to a sense of belonging, differentiation which allows for the child’s uniqueness, affirmation, and healthy power.
In reference to shame that is related to cultural influences, Kaufman exposes what is particular to the female experience in the United States.167 He claims that women are encouraged to seek popularity and conformity, and are shamed for movement toward success and independence. He points out a double bind that women face due to the fact that, what the culture places the highest value on is considered taboo for women.
Kaufman adds that shame can develop in relationship to one’s vocational dreams, in direct relation to the degree of positive affect that has been associated with it.168 He affirms that, “Each person has a dream, and that inner vision, imagined off in the future, directs one’s path, pulls one toward it, shaping itself into being through imagination.” 169
He explains that when dreams are consistently put down, both shame and powerlessness can result, leading again to the internalization of this affective process.
Bradshaw differentiates between healthy and toxic shame.170 He explains the prior as the acceptance of our limited nature, and points out that shame has a spiritual component, as it reminds us that we are human, not divine, thus encouraging humility.
Toxic shame conversely, can become a chronic condition in which one is identified with a defective sense of self. He describes,
When healthy shame is transformed into toxic shame, it is called the ‘internalization process.’ The healthy feeling of shame is lost, and a frozen state 56 of being emerges, whereby a person believes himself to be flawed…This transformation involves three dynamics: first, the identification with shame-based models; second, the trauma of abandonment and shame binding all one’s feelings, needs and drives; and third, the interconnection and magnification of visual memories or scenes and the retaining of shaming auditory and kinesthetic imprints.171
Bradshaw posits that toxic shame takes up residence in the psyche through the internalization of shaming environments, such as the family system, school and culture.
He proposes that shame can be transformed through “externalization.” 172 Examples of externalizing rather than internalizing shame include, revealing one’s shame in a safe environment, writing about previous trauma that is associated with the shame, learning to develop a compassionate and loving attitude towards oneself, and becoming conscious of the harmful inner voices through verbalization.
Whereas Bradshaw looks to the family system as a whole as one avenue from which to understand shame, Balint views shame through the lens of object relations and asserts that the sense of being defective, which or experiencing oneself as having a basic fault is formed exclusively in the early dyadic relationship.173 He differentiates the basic fault from conflicts related to the Oedipal stage, describing it as “simpler, more primitive” and as often leaving language ineffective for describing its characteristics. He hypothesizes about the genesis of the wound:
In my view the origin of the basic fault may be traced back to a considerable discrepancy in the early formative phases of the individual between his bio- psychological needs and the material and psychological care, attention, and affection available during the relevant times. This creates a state of deficiency whose consequences and after-effects appear to be only partly reversible.174
Balint suggests even reparative experiences in psychotherapy cannot fully heal the basic fault.175 Inevitably one must release the longing and hope for a sense of perfection, and accept the life experiences that at best will leave a scar. 57 Both Omer and Kalsched view shame as functioning in conjunction with other aspects of the psyche. Kalsched speaks of a protector-persecutor structure, which results from early trauma.176 He explains that the protector initially functions to maintain safety for the young and vulnerable aspects of the ego, and adds,
But when this hope starts to be felt for something real in the world, or suffers disappointment in some genuine effort to link up with reality, the Protector part of the self-care system turns diabolical and attacks the ego and its vulnerable inner objects.177
Thus the protector becomes the persecutor.
Omer speaks of a related phenomenon using different terminology; he describes the Child-Gatekeeper fusion as the process in which the child identifies with, and is obedient to, inner attacks.178 Because by definition, the child is in the perennial state of vulnerability, dependency, and need, the child accepts the gatekeeper’s view of reality.
This leads to an avoidance of new experiences and the continued experience of the child subjectivity living under the tyranny of the gatekeeper.
The research presented on shame drew from family systems, psychoanalytic theory and practice, as well as ITP. This study expands the already existing literature by utilizing a methodology that provided data from non-traditional approaches such as art based research, and nature based research within a woman’s circle, thus providing a unique research environment and therefore new perspectives on shame in relation to calling.
To summarize, the review of Women’s Obstacle to Success, the literature related to women’s fear of success, and the affective barriers of fear, shame and grief offers an overview of challenges women face in engaging their calling. The primary absence found in the literature however, was the inclusion of an ecological perspective on success, as 58 well as research that utilizes a natural setting as an influencing factor on women’s relationship to success. The lack of attention to nature’s influence led to anthropocentric biases as can be seen in Ruderman’s work on attachment that leaves unexplored attachment to the natural world, locus of control as seen in Rotter’s work which is rooted in the modern view of separation and power, and change of traditional behavior based on the context of home and work, but not nature, as seen in Thorne’s research. This research provides a unique, and rarely utilized context to explore women’s obstacle to success.
Incorporating nature into the methodology provides a new perspective, and therefore data that can widen the understanding of the challenges women face, and the potential therapeutic interventions possible.
Destiny
This section of literature will explore the concept of destiny in order to offer a foundation for the inquiry into the obstacles women face when engaging their calling.
Jung defines individuation as a developmental stage attained by inner work and marked by coming into “wholeness” or uniqueness.179 Von Franz describes it as a lengthy process that occurs outside of personal will and can be tracked via attention to dream imagery that over time reveals one’s unique path.180 She states,
The actual process of individuation-the conscious coming- to-terms with one’s own inner center (psychic nucleus) or Self-generally begins with a wounding of the personality and the suffering that accompanies it. This initial shock amounts to a sort of “call” although it is often not recognized as such.181
Jung attributes the underlying intelligence that acts as a guidance system in this process as the Self.182 Von Franz distinguishes the Self from the ego, the latter constituting an aspect of the whole, while the former addresses the entire psyche. Although the Self is 59 filled with potential, the fulfillment of that inborn possibility depends upon the extent to which an individual listens to, and responds to, the guidance of the Self.
Von Franz also discusses the importance of the ego’s ability to engage with the shadow. The shadow, in her estimation, represents lesser-known aspects of the ego, originating in both personal and impersonal sources.183 The shadow holds essential aspects of the Self that are often difficult to embrace.184 Von Franz warns that if the
“vital forces” of the shadow are not integrated, attributes that might otherwise serve individuation can become destructive.185
The ego, according to von Franz, must work with wounding in the service of individuation, revealing that individuation is inextricably bound to both early wounding, and to one’s unique gifts.186 She affirms that the ultimate purpose of individuation is the emergence of the unique self.
May defines destiny as, “the pattern of limits and talents that constitute ‘the givens’ in life…It is the design of the universe speaking through the design of each one of us.” 187 He acknowledges that destiny is often used to refer to positive conditions, and fate to name unfavorable ones, but he challenges this, claiming that there is potency in embracing both poles as two aspects of one experience.188 He theorizes that destiny is a phenomenon that is not under one’s control, and examines both the restrictive, as well as the expansive influences that impact one’s relationship to destiny.
May speaks to the paradox that lives where freedom and destiny meet.189
Freedom, he proposes is a human’s capacity to make choices based their deepest values.190 He comments that freedom can either result in the movement toward realized potentials, or toward a stifling of one’s development. The capacity to choose, which 60 according to May, exists in one’s moment-to-moment experience, is the essence of freedom. He claims that taking short pauses in the midst of one’s daily life assists in maintaining contact with one’s destiny, in that it functions to interrupt automatic and conditioned responses.191 As a result, “imaginings, reflections, considerations, [and] ponderings” are then able to surface in one’s awareness, all of which contribute to freedom as an alive and on-going process.192
May theorizes that there are four levels of destiny: cosmic, referring to birth, death, and natural disasters, genetic, referring to one’s physical characteristics, and inborn talents, cultural, referring to one’s life situation, including family, culture and historical time period, and lastly, circumstantial, referring to events such as war or economic fluctuations.193
He also offers a continuum of destiny based on degrees of freedom. At one end of the pole he places that which is beyond one’s capacity to alter, at the other extreme, cultural destiny and talent, areas in which we have greater degrees of freedom. At the center, the unconscious, which he suggests exists both inside and outside of one’s influence. In addition, May maps out a continuum of ways of engaging destiny ranging from proactive to rebellious. He names: cooperation, awareness and acknowledgement, engagement, confrontation and challenge, and lastly encounter and rebellion against destiny.
May proposes that in order to successfully engage destiny, one must accept it:
“The past cannot be changed-it can only be acknowledged and learned from. It is one’s destiny.” 194 He points to possible barriers to this and suggests that the need to conform creates challenges that manifest as, “our insecurity, our dread of ostracism, our fear and 61 anxiety, and our lack of courage to risk ourselves.” 195 And yet, he affirms that conscious engagement with both internal and external barriers is the very process that births freedom. He adds that the process of turning towards, rather than away from one’s early wounds, can open potentials such as, developing capacities not otherwise possible, tapping into one’s creative reservoir, and aligning with greater unseen forces.196
While May uses the terms fate and destiny interchangeably, Meade distinguishes between the two.197 Recognizing that these themes weave throughout time and culture, he refers to them as,
…an archetypal pairing within each soul; they form a dynamic tension that makes each life meaningful and purposeful…Fate inscribes an area or territory that we are bound to enter. Destiny involves finding a way through exactly those areas and aspects that constrain the vitality of our lives.198
Meade expands, describing fate as changeable depending on one’s relationship with it.
Rather than a static predetermined script, he asserts that fate can function more like a form of divination that requires attention and understanding, in order to serve one’s destiny.
He notes that in ancient Greece the word Eudaimonia meant happiness and that this happiness was directly related to the fulfillment of the daimon, a guide that was understood to exist between the material and spiritual planes.199 Meade distinguishes between demon and daimon, explaining that the beneficent qualities of the daimon can turn malevolent if not honored by living in accordance with its wishes. He states, “The demons that haunt us are the perverse spirits that develop when we turn our backs on our natural inclinations and innate styles.” 200 Conceptualized in another way, Meade refers to the deep self as the aspect of self that contains the precise information required to 62 remain aligned with the purpose and meaning of our lives, which he contrasts this with the little-self, which is rooted in ego.201
Hillman, who also speaks of the daimon, uses symbol to transmit his understanding of destiny. He employs the image of an acorn as a metaphor for destiny, explaining that just as each acorn contains within it the potential to grow into an oak tree, so too does each individual carry a predetermined design.202 This is the acorn theory in
Hillman’s words:
The soul of each of us is given a unique daimon before we are born, and it has selected an image or pattern that we live on earth. This soul-companion…guides us here; in the process of arrival, however, we forget all that took place…The daimon remembers what is in your image… and therefore your daimon is the carrier of your destiny.203
Hillman affirms that the daimon is forever loyal, and uncompromising in its requirement that one remain true to their unique soul image.204
Houston also draws on ancient Greece in her presentation of various concepts related to destiny.205 She refers to entelechy as that which guides destiny, defining it as
“the dynamic purposiveness of the patterns of possibility encoded in each of us.” 206 In addition, she defines the entelechy self, as the Self that oversees all of our subjective states, and is ultimately an essential place of Being.207 Houston affirms that our capacities are greater than we think, and that the limitations we face are a result of personal and cultural conditioning.
She refers to the sacred wound, and asserts that it plays an essential role in the process of coming into one’s gifts.208 By allowing the death rebirth process to lead, she maintains that wounding can act as a portal to a new sense of self that is infused with greater capacities, and is more fully aligned with one’s purpose. 63 Omer too draws on the Greek culture to engage the question of destiny. He employs the term telos to describe the inherent purposefulness that resides within the future, and informs the moment.209 As well, he offers the term destinicity to describe a capacity unique to humans to creatively respond to the future.210 He specifies, “It is cultivated through transmuting fear, grief, anger, and especially shame as evoked by specific life circumstances and ritualizations.” In addition, he addresses the transformation of identity that occurs as one engages their destiny, highlighting transitional periods in life he calls initiatory thresholds. 211 Omer asserts that these junctures necessitate the death of an old identity and the birth a new one, which facilitates occupying new inner and outer territory.
Deepak Chopra employs the idea of soul as an organizing principle to illuminate the process of engaging destiny and asserts the following:
Soul is the observer who interprets and makes choices based on karma, it is also a confluence of relationships, out of which emerge contexts and meanings, and it is this flow of context and meaning that creates experience. 212
He affirms that each soul carries within it a story waiting to be lived that he likens to an embryo awaiting birth.213
Chopra explains that the need for labels is related to the goal oriented nature of our modern society, which is not the level at which the soul unfolds. He remarks that defining oneself by a career for example can lead to feeling blocked, while focusing on deeper patterns such as archetypes allows for a more open ended exploration in which synchronicities are more readily recognized and followed.214
Campbell concurs that one’s ability to align with deeper currents is greatly facilitated by referencing myth.215 He asserts that whereas wounding and conditioning 64 can contribute to blockages, myth can create movement. His studies brought him to the following understanding of the nature of myth as: “The secret opening through which the inexhaustible energies of the cosmos pour into human cultural manifestation. They are spontaneous productions of the psyche and each bears within it, undamaged, the germ power of its source.” 216
For Campbell there is an intimate relationship between destiny and myth. Myth mediates fate and destiny. He comments, “It has always been the prime function of mythology and rite to supply the symbols that carry the human spirit forward, in counteraction to those constant human fantasies that tend to tie it back.” 217 He believes that many of these limiting fantasies, as well as much of our potential, lie buried in the unconscious.218 Campbell affirms that, were only a small amount of our unlived capacities freed, we would experience a great increase in our powers and in energy.
David Feinstein, Stanley Krippner and Dennis Granger also call upon myth as a guiding force in the process of fulfilling one’s potential.219 They claim that myth is often an unrecognized way in which both individuals and societies make choices.220 Myths include a wider dimension of the individual, such as archetypes, which go beyond one’s often more limited personal and cultural sense of self, thus transforming identity.221 They define personal myth as a “constellation of ideas, images and emotions” which they claim can act to inspire and to create cohesion of the personality.222
Whyte utilizes the metaphor of a pilgrimage of identity, in order to explore work as an aspect of destiny.223 He notes that to engage work that is rooted in calling, is to participate in a sacred conversation.
Life is a creative, intimate, and unpredictable conversation if it is nothing else, spoken or unspoken, and our life and our work are both the result of the particular 65 way we hold that passionate conversation…To have firm persuasion, to set out boldly in our work is to make a pilgrimage of our labors, to understand that the consummation of work lies not in what we have done, but who we have become while accomplishing the task.224
He affirms that maintaining a conversation with the deeper parts of oneself, as well as with nature, assists the awakening of our capacity to meet obstacles with artistry.225
Whyte iterates that work lived as a pilgrimage is process, not product oriented. As such, he recognizes the border between the self and the world as an on-going testing ground of our capacity to both remember, and risk our true selves.226 He likens this to standing at the edge of a cliff, where life and death become palpable forces with which to contend, and proclaims that at this edge, a larger context of work is revealed, and sustained.227
Whyte contends that work as a pilgrimage consists not only of external stages of development, but of internal stages as well, proposing that a necessary ingredient for both aspects of the journey is self-knowledge. To know how one belongs to the world, in his estimation, requires a familiarity with one’s inherent nature and longings.228 One way to access this, he reminds, is to revisit aspirations of childhood that contain the seed of our unique relationship with the world.229
There is great vulnerability in the transition from self-knowledge, to offering ones gifts to the world, remarks Whyte. He explains that to offer one’s true gifts, is in fact to offer, and expose one’s core self. The stakes are much higher when one’s work emerges from the depths of being. The prospect of failure can threaten one’s identity, resulting in what Whyte refers to as a “living death.” 230 He claims this may be the very reason so many opt out of risking work that is an expression of authentic gifts. 66 In taking our work seriously as an expression of our belonging, we hazard our most precious-sometimes our seemingly most fragile hopes and dreams, in a world that is more often than not associated with a harsh and destructive bottom line.231
For this reason, Whyte asserts that courage is needed on the pilgrimage.
This courage serves ourselves, our ancestors, as well as future generations, in
Whyte’s estimation.232 He reveals that work exists within a larger context, and capacities as well as challenges are not unrelated to those who came before us. He addresses the connection between ancestral lives and character building:
If they were quiet in their own lives, they must want us to speak out; if they were loud and vociferous, they must want us to be more tempered and wiser with the fire, but none of them, surely, can stomach our willingness to hide ourselves in a bland compliance to powers or careers to which we have made ourselves slaves.233
Whyte encourages the idea that there is a sacred debt to one’s lineage, and as such, supports a practice of remembrance. In addition, he intimates that those who did not have the opportunities that are presently available may in fact be a force of support in the attempt to live more fully.
Similarly to Whyte, Sardello focuses on the place where self and world meet, positing that the modern world, in all its complexity, can be engaged with initiatory intent.234 He utilizes the term soul of the world to describe the interface, defining it as:
“the inseparable conjunction of individual and world.” 235 And the wisdom of the soul, he posits, is cultivated through the joining of “self-knowledge,” with the capacity to be sensitive to the inner qualities of the world.236
The process of living one’s destiny, according to Sardello, is inseparable from soul as it expresses through self, other, and world.237 As such, he recognizes that the current expression of the world is filled with challenges: 67 The cultural world is no longer stable. It is no longer possible to come into life, grow up in a family, work hard, achieve results, rely on the presence of tradition, feel the living sense of history, and feel fully engaged in the immediacy of the world. We now have to create situations out of soul in the face of a seemingly soulless world. We are entering a time of total instability. Absolutely no one will be unaffected by or protected from this worldwide shifting that shall accelerate in the near future.238
Sardello points to the collective need to engage the rapidly changing cultural landscape with soul.
Sardello references the Goddess Sophia as understood by Christian Gnostics, as the exemplar of the world soul.239 In this mythic tale, Sophia is understood to be in exile, having mistaken the chaotic world of matter, for another luminous allurement. Although she is free to depart and ascend, once she has witnessed this soulless realm, an aspect of her remains, promising to never forsake the world. Sardello highlights this exiled aspect of Sophia announcing that through depth and imagination, it is possible to connect with her and participate in the return of soul to the world.
Sardello discloses three portals to cultivating perception of Sophia, or the world soul: 1) connection with the ancestors, 2) coming into relationship with archetypal forces, and, 3) deepening communion with the earth.240 He clarifies the latter, explaining that what is normally considered magical, inner or psychic, is in fact none other than expressions of the planet herself.
In his estimation, destiny lived fully requires the expression of individuality that allows and supports the perception of other’s uniqueness, while also embracing the underlying unity of soul. He warns of belonging at the cost of autonomy: “Destiny reveals itself slowly and remains hidden when coerced to comply with any model or 68 conception of collective mentality.” 241 He utilizes the image of the grail, pointing to its root meaning gradual, to illustrate its continual process of emergence.
Sussman too employs the story of the Grail to the initiatory nature of the human quest for purpose.242 She defines the ultimate goal of the human journey as the aim to
“recover the elusive Grail, thereby returning its sustenance to the world.” 243 The grail, she reveals, is the purveyor of meaning, as it brings one’s unique calling into relationship with what the world and the earth need.244
Sussman focuses on embodied speech as the medium through which individuals can grow in their capacity to function as intermediaries between the spiritual and earthly realms, thus fulfilling their role in the cosmic order.245 She poetically describes the experience of destiny:
When seeker and quest first emerge, they are hidden away from each other as the tree is hidden in the seed. Paradoxically, the tree, which cannot see the seed, calls from within the seed to grow, while the seed, which cannot know the tree, must abandon the protection of the fruit in order to sprout.” 246
To clarify that destiny is not an external quest for something to be possessed, she teaches that it is instead something to be inhabited and served, from one moment to the next.247
Gruber speaks to the current collective experience of destiny as a modern initiation.248 Drawing on the writings of Friedrich Nietzsche, Martin Heidegger, and
Rudolf Steiner he explores human consciousness as it is shaped by culture, focusing specifically on what he calls the “rupture in human destiny” that is caused by the replacement of a cosmology rooted in cosmic forces, with technology and science.249
There is a high cost to progress, asserts Gruber. It is the loss of soul and belonging that is then compensated for by an inflation of the ego.250 He explains that a culture devoid of conscious contact with cosmic forces is reduced to literal and material planes of 69 existence, creating a constricted state of terror and the need for extreme degrees of control in the hopes of achieving security.
Gruber proposes that the path through these dark times is an initiatory one in which we must reconnect with the more subtle realms that infuse our daily experiences.251 He believes that a relational revolution with creativity at the center, is needed to meet the destructive forces that are presently active. He declares that the imperative to be creative has the potential to deepen our sense of responsibility to the world, not through imposed moral standards, but rather through the development of heightened sensitivity to the essence of all things. Gruber calls this capacity heart thinking, which he describes as, “a transformational practice attained only through a schooling of consciousness that overcomes the materio-metaphysical presupposition of causality that splits thought and being.” 252
In contrast, Somé offers a view of personal and collective destiny within a coherent earth based cosmology, that of his tribe, the Dagara of Burkina Faso.253
According to his culture, purpose is within us when we are born, and its origins are in the unseen world.254 Somé attempts to bridge the wisdom of his culture with the West.
Knowing that, in general, westerners do not have the same relationship to ancestors, rituals, and shamans, he says that by paying attention to our inspirations, dreams and instincts, we can stay closer to our purpose. Somé asserts, as do many of the authors in this section, that by holding ourselves as separate from nature, we are equally distanced from our essential nature.255 He recommends rituals in nature as a way to stay in contact with one’s purpose. An essential idea Somé offers, which speaks to the 70 interconnectedness of our unique purposes is, “Purpose begins with the individual, and the sum total of all the individuals’ purposes creates the community’s purpose.” 256
Julian Huxley also offers a view of destiny that includes the collective dimension.
He suggests the possibility that human evolution is moving toward becoming self-aware expressions of the cosmos.257 Huxley proposes that our destiny as humans is equivalent to our human responsibility, which in his estimation, is to reach our full human capacities in the name of the world as a whole.258
He differentiates two distinct aspects of our human responsibility, which he calls our cosmic duties:
…one to ourselves, to be fulfilled in the realization and enjoyment of our capacities, the other to others, to be fulfilled in service to the community and in promoting the welfare of the generations to come and the advancement of our species as a whole.259
Hence he suggests that we are at once part of the cosmos, the earth and the human species, all of which contribute to our personal and collective destiny.
Michael Comer, speaks of destiny in relationship to work.260 In his research, he employs a phenomenological approach when interviewing leaders who identify as being in touch with a distinct calling. Eleven co-researchers analyzed the data thematically and snowball sampling was used. Commenting on contemporary perspectives of destiny, which can be found in the spiritual arena, the business world, philosophy and psychology,
Comer concludes that a modern view of calling can be summarized under four headings.261 He presents: uniqueness which speaks to one’s innate talents, spirituality, which is based on the soul’s journey, strategic, an approach that is analytical and goal oriented, and, purpose, that which is aligned with one’s authentic self.262 Comer also 71 discerns three phases of engaging destiny: “Determining that calling (identification), heeding the calling (sense making), and acting on it (Behavioral influence).” 263
While Comer approaches destiny very methodically, Bandura asserts that there is a high degree of unpredictability involved in the direction one’s life can take.264 He focuses specifically on the impact of chance encounters with strangers.265 Although he acknowledges that it is not possible to study the encounters directly, he states it is possible to study the effect they have on people’s lives.
Bandura highlights the potential for reciprocity inherent in social encounters, and yet warns that inner directedness is necessary to navigate these meetings in such a way that one’s values remain intact and serve to guide one’s actions.266 He comments that part of what is needed to maintain agency in the face of life’s unpredictable nature, is emotional resources, social support and contact with one’s values.267
The reviewed research related to perspectives on destiny, although comprehensive, inadequately addresses the ecological roots of destiny, the potentially unique experience women have in relation to destiny, and research based in a methodology that incorporates the soul. Although numerous theorists acknowledge the important role that nature plays in relation to destiny, only two acknowledge the need for an embodied relationship with the earth. While Whyte and Somé emphasize a direct relationship with nature to ensure that calling remains infused with its true purpose,
Campbell, May and Chopra conceptualized nature in more general terms. Both May and
Campbell speak of the role of “the cosmos,” while Chopra refers to “deep patterns” or archetypes. This points to a tendency to intellectualize the influence of nature, rather than support communion with nature in both a physical and energetic manner. In addition, 72 when nature is acknowledged as a source of direct and on-going conversation, there is no data to support the claim. This points to an absence of research that includes nature as a variable that can directly influence and support calling.
In addition, although culture as a factor influencing calling is acknowledged, the specific challenges that women face due to societal biases such as gender and race, are unnamed. Meade employs the term fate to address cultural constraints, while May includes limitations within the realm of destiny, but neither speaks to women’s particular obstacles in engaging calling. Von Franz and Houston address wounding, but do not address scars that are the result of societally oppressive influences. As such, this study addresses both personal and cultural obstacles that women face in engaging destiny.
Lastly, soul is referred to repeatedly in relation to destiny, but in no case does research accompany the theory. Meade, Hillman, Chopra and Sardello, all employ the term soul. Houston and Jung utilize the word, Self to refer to the same phenomena. In each case soul is recognized as pivotal in the ability to recognize and pursue calling, but no empirical data exists to support the claims.
Ecopsychology
This section will explore the major influences of ecopsychology, as well as the theory and practice that delineate it as a unique branch of psychology. Three sub-sections will be presented: Ecopsychology, Deep Ecology, and Ecofeminism.
Ecopsychology
The term ecopsychology, coined by Roszak, refers to the merging of Psychology and Ecology; the primary tenet is that the human psyche is interconnected with the earth 73 and biosphere.268 Biosphere refers to the entire ecological web of life including the earth’s surface, air, and water.269 Buzzell and Chalquist define ecopsychology as the study of the processes that either connect or disconnect humans from their immediate environment.270 Robinson names the three central aims of ecopsychology as: 1) to identify and address the “sources of cultural madness,” 2) to cultivate and deepen a connection to nature, 3) to bring soul back into the world.271
Roszak acknowledges indigenous wisdom traditions as the roots of ecopsychology.272 He notes that traditional cultures tend to place connection to the land, and reciprocity with all of life at the center, while for modern people, animistic perceptions of the world can be perceived of as deranged. He states,
Is it possible that by asserting that very conception of madness, psychotherapy itself may be defending the deepest of all our repressions, the form of psychic mutilation that is most crucial to the advance of industrial civilization, namely the assumption that the land is a dead and servile thing that has no feeling, no memory, and no intention of its own? 273
Roszak calls into question what sanity and madness truly are, bringing attention to a cultural blind spot. He sheds light on the collective numbness that negates the living nature of the earth, and puts into question whether denying this serves an unacknowledged madness, which is the destruction of the planet.
He also recounts previous psychological paradigms in contrast to ecopsychology.274 He reports that Freud’s theories were limited by the scientific thought of the time, Jung’s theories became almost devoid of nature as they moved away from matter and instead embraced cultural archetypes, the human potential movement birthed psychological theories that reinforced individualism, and existentialists centralized 74 alienation. As a result, psychology as a field became entrenched in the view of separation.
Freud himself spoke of this separation in relation to his conceptualization of ego:
Normally, there is nothing of which we are more certain than the feeling of ourself, of our own ego. This ego appears as something autonomous and unitary, marked off distinctly from everything else…One comes to learn a procedure by which, through a deliberate direction of one’s sensory activities and through suitable muscular action, one can differentiate between what is internal-what belongs to the ego-and what is external-what emanates from the outer world. In this way one takes the first step towards the introduction to the reality principle which is to dominate future development.275
Here, Freud exemplifies the values of the time, which espoused objectivity as the greatest measure of truth. In contrast, ecopsychology attempts to resurrect sensate sensibilities that put into question the more dichotomized relationship to what is internal and what is external.
Ironically, it was two researchers from the field of science, James Lovelock and
Lynn Margulis, who in the mid-1970s, presented the Gaia hypothesis which suggested that planetary homeostasis was maintained by the earth’s inherently self-regulatory nature.276 Roszak recognizes the Gaia hypothesis as part of the theoretical roots of ecopsychology.277 The affirmation of the interconnectedness of all living systems lends itself to the hypothesis that the human unconscious is interwoven into the self-regulatory nature of the planet, thus allowing communication between the two. Roszak refers to this as the ecological unconscious, which he proposes lives at the center of the psyche.278 He also suggests that the psyche is not strictly human, but rather an expression of the psyche of the earth itself.
Out of the theory of ecopsychology emerged the practices of ecotherapy.279
According to Buzzell and Chalquist, this approach addresses both the psychological as 75 well as the physical, and considers the relationship to the natural world as an essential aspect of health.280 They explain that rather than focusing on the problems of the individual in an isolated manner, ecotherapy addresses the industrialized context in which many of these problems emerge. Modalities employed include, but are not limited to, connecting with the natural world, one’s own body and dreams, developing spiritual practices, reducing consumption, simplifying one’s life, and engaging in political action related to the environment.
Ronen Berger and John McLeod speak to the history of engaging nature as a curative modality.281 They cite shamans as the original utilizers of nature for therapeutic means, followed by Eric Erickson who incorporated nature into his interventions, and more recently adventure therapy, which tends to be task oriented, lacking in the transpersonal dimensions. They speak of collaborating with others in the development of nature therapy which he defines as a
post-modern experimental approach based on the integration of elements from art and drama therapy, Gestalt, narrative, ecopsychology, transpersonal psychology, adventure therapy, shamanism, and body-mind practices.282
The authors reflect that when nature is included, the therapy shifts from a one-on-one dynamic, to a three way one in which the client, therapist, and nature function in concert to facilitate healing. This dynamic also has the added benefit of diminishing the hierarchical nature of the therapist client relationship.
Describing nature therapy, they counsel that the awareness of the cycles of nature can contribute to a client’s ability to perceive their own lives through a larger context, embracing life and death for example, as a natural part of existence. Berger and McLeod mention that this can have a normalizing influence on their perception of their life, and 76 the changes that occur. Continuing, they emphasize that the particularity of the landscape in which the therapeutic process takes place can ignite an inner process that reflects the qualities of place including the land, flora and fauna, weather, and elements, sometimes “triggering strong emotions and sensations that were not previously touched or shared.” 283
In a case study involving seven children with learning difficulties who met on a weekly basis, Berger explores working therapeutically in nature as an alternative to traditional therapy which normally employs “insight-oriented, symbolic, and abstract language.” 284 He contends that working in non-verbal and non-cognitive ways can have benefits such as entering states of Being and deeper listening, as well as intimacy among peers. He remarks,
It can be explained perhaps by the difference of the space, inviting people to leave their prejudices about themselves and the others, arriving fresh and open to nature, allowing alternative narratives to be expressed and developed.285
He adds that nature contributes a novel variable, that of the rhythms of nature as seen in the seasons, as well as the unpredictability of weather. He concludes that these factors can support the development of flexibility and coping mechanisms. As such, he suggests that nature can be viewed as offering spontaneous therapeutic interventions.
Robinson also addresses the importance of context, theorizing that our relationship to human suffering has become increasingly influenced by the centrality of the machine, and more specifically, the computer.286 As such, when symptoms arise, they are understood as breakdowns of functioning that require the correct diagnosis, procedure or medication. He objects, asserting that humans are not machines, but rather mysterious, creative, sensate organisms. Robinson believes that the diminution of humans 77 into mere objects explains many of the symptoms that therapists encounter in their clients. He hypothesizes that symptoms are an expression of the soul’s refusal to be objectified, and that the work of the ecotherapist can never be accomplished through reductionistic or formulaic approaches. Rather, he imagines the therapist’s role to be more of an “intermediary between the human and non-human world.” 287
Ambra Burls reviews the benefits of ecologically based interventions on the marginalized, and considers this an essential aspect of ecotherapy.288 Using the term embracement to describe a sense of social inclusion, she names this a one of the most significant benefits.289 She correlates this with group activity in nature that is “self- directed, spontaneous, and collective,” that often leads to a communal sense of identity.
Additionally she mentions as potential gains, an increase in well-being, connection with the transpersonal, and health improvements that encompass the physical, mental, and social dimensions.
Glendinning agrees that western civilization and the inevitable alienation that ensues, is the source of the symptoms people are currently suffering.290 She proclaims that our natural state is connection, not alienation. To describe this, she employs the term primal matrix: “the state of a healthy, wholly functioning psyche in full embodied participation with a healthy, wholly functioning earth.” 291 Without our connection to the natural world, she warns that we are not able to fully access our instincts; this then thwarts the capacity to differentiate between what is healing and what is harmful. She writes:
Human well-being and wholeness depend upon, and exist in constant and complex intimacy with, the well-being and wholeness of the Earth. So long as we are set apart from participation in that intimacy, we are severed from fully knowing trust and security, authentic self-esteem and skillful means, the larger 78 meanings of life-as well as the overall sense of connectedness to which these qualities transport us.292
Without this connection she implies, we are exiled from our sense of belonging, wholeness, and communion.
According to Glendinning this original trauma arises out of our severance from nature, and its symptoms resemble those of post-traumatic stress.293 She highlights the splitting of mind, body and feelings as a core feature that is often seen in veterans of war, but can now be observed in our culture as a whole. She draws attention to specific symptoms of trauma that she asserts are rampant in society: anxiety, hyperactivity, numbness, powerlessness, arrested development, narcissism, thinking disorders and addiction.294 Glendinning claims that the root of these symptoms is disassociation, resulting from the psyche’s adaptation to civilization, which can be understood as a form of domestication of one’s soul.
In addition, Glendinning proposes a path of recovery that is at once personal, and cultural.295 The aim of which is to heal the divide between our instinctual and our wild self, and thus repair the deep sense of “homelessness” that pervades modern society. She counsels that the path to recovery can be entrusted to the primary matrix itself, and that our psyches are part of this web of intelligence.296
Abram stands in agreement with Glendinning’s diagnosis of society.297 He adds that it is human’s sheer terror of its vulnerability to, and dependency upon the wild earth that has led to the abandonment of the wild within, and the attempt to control and limit exposure to the threats of nature. Speaking to the restoration of belonging, Abram writes,
Without such tunement and triggering by the earthly surroundings, my emotional body is stymied, befuddled-forced to spiral through its necessary transformations without any guidance from the larger Body of the place (and hence entirely out of 79 phase with my neighbors, human and non-human). Sensory perception, here, is the silken web that binds our separate nervous systems into the encompassing ecosystem.298
He maintains that it is through the senses that belonging is reclaimed.
Abram hypothesizes that the development of the written word was a critical turning point in which humans turned away from their innate ability to converse with the natural world.299 He explains that the alphabet,
made it possible for us to begin to dialogue solely with our own signs in isolation from the rest of nature. By short-circuiting the ancestral reciprocity between our sensing bodies and the sensuous flesh of the world, the new participation with our own writing signs enabled human language to close in on itself, enabling language to seem like our own possession.300
Abram urges that language need not be limited to human speech. He warns that without participation in the multi-sensory language of the world, sensory perception is malnourished, leading to desensitization to the wider community of speech.
Bender goes even further when speaking of the psychopathology of the western lifestyle that is causing the aforementioned sense of separation and resultant suffering. He candidly states that western culture is bent on extinction as can be seen by its systemic and unapologetic attack on the ecosphere, which he defines as, “the interdependence connecting all terrestrial beings.” 301 He foresees a complete breakdown within the twenty-first century due to the intersection of population growth, capitalism, industrialism, nation-states, and dominant world-views that reinforce anthropocentrism.
Bender suggests that thus far, political debate has polarized between growth that is deemed sustainable, and growth that continues unhindered by ecological concerns.302
However, he points out that both of these approaches are equally steeped in the belief that humankind is superior, somehow removed from nature, and therefore privileged to act 80 with limited to no concern for the whole. These views, he claims, find their origins in dualism that permeates religion, philosophy and modern commerce.303 He reveals that the shift dates back to Neolithic times, and the advent of agriculture:
The older, non-dualist idea was that Earth was the Great Round, within which humans’ role is humbly to participate. The novel, dualistic idea was that Earth was a deity, before whom our proper attitude is one of reverence, submission, and manipulation…ritual control of nature, not identification with it, became religion’s main function…Neolithic goddess-religion was the first form of anthropocentrism.304
Bender argues that dualism is one of the root causes for the worldview that currently drives ecocidal behavior.
As an alternative, he proposes a non-dual approach in which the following tenets shape a new worldview: all phenomena is understood as arising from a field of unity, time and space are aspects of one law, everything that manifests is related to and affected by everything else, and matter is illusory when reconsidered through the lens of emptiness.305 Bender offers these principles as a lighthouse on the journey from being human-centered to ecologically centered.
Plotkin also regards the present state of culture as ailing.306 He proposes that wholeness can be found through the process of discovering one’s calling as it pertains to both nature and culture. He highlights the link between destiny and the natural world in the process of entering true adulthood:
Every human being has a unique and mystical relationship with the wild world and…the conscious discovery and cultivation of that relationship is at the core of true adulthood…I believe…that true adulthood is rooted in transpersonal experience-in a mystic affiliation with nature, experienced as a true calling-that is then embodied in soul-infused work and mature responsibilities.307
For Plotkin, soul and nature are indivisible.308 81 Plotkin defines soul as that which is distinct within each person, and actively guides one toward unique expression.309 He explains that each soul has core powers meaning, values, capacities and knowledge that carry forth one’s gifts into the world.310
These powers infuse soul work, which has two branches, that of form, and that of essence which respectively relate to culture and nature.311 According to Plotkin, form can be described as a delivery system, or cultural venue for expressing one’s gifts, while essence, as a way of being.312
Plotkin acknowledges that there is an art to tending both the cultural as well as the nature aspects of calling. In relation to a particular developmental stage he refers to as the
Artisan, he writes,
Every day, the Artisan feels the tension between nature and culture with every move. He lives, in fact, at an ecotone-the interface of the wild and the weal, at the pivot point of essence and form. He learns that he can fully serve his people only by surrendering wholly to nature as it flows through him. He desires to contribute to society (the commonweal) while being faithful to soul’s wild intentions. He discovers that if he puts either goal above the other, he ultimately disappoints both.313
Plotkin recognizes the need for attunement in balancing the way in which one’s calling is connected to and in service of both nature and culture.
Arnold Mindell concurs, claiming that earthly and cosmic forces inform destiny.
He suggests that an earth-based approach to psychology that incorporates the energies of the cosmos can assist people in aligning with their destiny.314 Mindell recommends accessing sentient awareness, asserting that “following signals, dreamlike subjective processes, and all those subtle experiences that are difficult if not impossible to formulate” can act as a guidance system.315 82 Thomas Berry also addresses the nature-culture continuum. He employs the terms genetic encoding and cultural encoding to describe respectively, human being’s earth based intelligence, as well as culturally shaped ways of knowing.316 He posits that accessing a more primal way of knowing is needed as can be evidenced by the ways in which cultural conditioning is leading humankind astray. Berry states,
We cannot discover ourselves without first discovering the universe, the earth, and the imperatives of our own being. Each of these has a creative power and a vision far beyond any rational thought or cultural creation of which we are capable.317
He believes that listening to the voice of the earth is what is most needed at this time.318
Because ecopsychology is a relatively recent outgrowth in the field of psychology, research is limited. Robinson, Glendinning and Abram focus on nature as a therapeutic influence that can restore humans to a healthy state within and without.
Berger offers the only data from actual research to support the hypothesis. Berger and
Robinson both address the power of nature, but limit it to one-on -one therapeutic relations. No theorists address the therapeutic effects of community within the context of nature. This study utilizes nature in conjunction with the collective experience thus adding another view to the conversation on ecopsychology.
Plotkin and Berry speak to the tension between nature and culture, however culture is spoken of in very general terms. This study not only addresses the different influences that both can have, but specifically address cultural influences that effect women, with an emphasis on gender bias, and the impact of dominant masculine values.
83 Deep Ecology
Naess suggests a spiritual and holistic approach to the environmental crisis, one that is rooted in wisdom rather than intellect.319 He makes the distinction between the shallow ecology movement, and the deep ecology movement, arguing that the former focuses exclusively on technical, bureaucratic, and short-term solutions, while the latter involves an in depth inquiry into our current ways of inhabiting the earth.320 He criticizes the shallow ecology movement as being limited in scope due to its anthropocentric perspective. Instead he introduces ecosophy, meaning “a philosophy world-view or system inspired by the conditions of life in the ecosphere.” 321
Naess defines the ecological self as someone who has matured from a distinctly social creature to a spiritual one that is deeply related to, and valuing of all life.322 From this place, he claims that self-realization, the process of each being growing into its unique expression, is possible.323 For this to occur, Naess comments that an extending of identification is needed in which all life forms are viewed as members of a shared community.324 He argues that real change is possible when consciousness shifts suggesting that morality will not suffice. Sessions and Devall refer to this shift as the development of ecological consciousness.325 They describe it as an inner process that involves the rediscovery of attunement to nature.
Macy and Brown offer a similar view. Pointing to anthropocentrism as a paradigm that no longer serves, they too name the process of identification as central.326
The ecological self, they assert, emerges from “widening circles of identification” which
“vastly extend the boundaries of our self-interest, and enhance our joy and meaning in life.” 327 84 Paul Shepard speaks in metaphoric language to explain the truth of interconnectivity that is muted when humans become domesticated:
Ecological thinking…requires a kind of vision across boundaries. The epidermis of the skin is ecologically like a pond surface or a forest soil, not a shell so much as a delicate interpenetration.328
Speaking of the concept of identification, he invites a perceptual shift that supports deeper relatedness.
Sewall speaks to the practices that can support the rewiring of identification to include greater spheres of life. She employs the term ecological consciousness to describe
“perceptual practices that help us to extend our narrow experience of self and experience sensuality, intimacy and identification with the external world.” 329 Sewall offers specific examples such as mindfulness of visual impressions and of the web of relationships, revaluing and reengagement of imagination, and receiving direct messages from the earth, be they awe inspiring or disturbing. She asserts that developing ecological consciousness through practices such as these can serve to inform ethical choices in relation to the earth and all of life, however she warns that due to the fact that external attention is deeply shaped by evolutionary survival strategies, it tends to become automatic resulting in numbness, if not consciously cultivated.330
Kenneth Worth addresses this numbing in his term phenomenal dissociation, defined as a “lack of immediate, sensual engagement with the consequences of our everyday actions and with the human and non-human others that we affect with our actions.” 331 His quantitative study proves a link between dissociation, and harm to the environment and other living creatures. Looking at connection rather than disconnection,
F. Stephan Mayer, and Cynthia McPherson Frantz assess the validity and reliability of the 85 Connectedness to Nature Scale.332 Findings support the belief held by many eco- psychologists that connecting with nature is positively correlated to care for the earth and a sense of inner well-being.
Snyder suggests re-inhabitation as a means of strengthening the sense of connection with the natural world.333 By this he means, the turning away from industrialized notions of self that are severed from place, and turning toward the reintegration of the two. He notes that the growing awareness that the earth has limitations lends itself to the rediscovery of living in greater intimacy with one’s surroundings, as well with one’s source of food, and energy.
Andy Fischer believes many eco-psychologists lack social and political awareness, and that the movement is too abstract, and not grounded sufficiently in the practical.334 He questions whether social change emerges from personal change, criticizing eco-psychologists who hold the “naïve” perspective that it does. He instead claims that change needs to be addressed politically and personally, in tandem.
John Raven also offers a critique.335 He believes that the change that is necessary at this time is equal to the shift from hunter-gatherer to agricultural times. In order to respond to the enormity of the task, he posits that what is needed is the development of
“organizational arrangements, job descriptions, ways of thinking (especially systems analysis)…” 336 that would offer extremely practical ways of addressing the crisis.
Again, personal exploration is not seen as an efficient or valuable approach at this critical time.
The field of deep ecology offers numerous valuable concepts, such as the ecological self, and the widening of identification to include the more than human world, 86 which Naess, Macy, and Brown discuss. What is lacking however is research that explores these concepts. Although Sessions, Devall, and Sewall contribute the idea of an ecological consciousness, their writing also remains in the realm of theory without research data to support it. This study incorporates ecological consciousness, the ecological self, and the extension of identification, within a nature based methodology.
As Sewall suggests, humans can receive messages from the earth. Significant data from this study drew from this deep ecology precept.
Worth explores the relationship between disassociation and harm to the environment and other living creatures, but does not address the impact of disassociation from nature on one’s own guidance system, or ability for self-knowledge. This study makes direct correlations between connectedness to nature and capacities such as these.
Mayer and Frantz conclude that connectedness to nature increases care for self and the earth. This latter study includes the impact of connecting with nature on individuals in general terms, but does not address capacities such as self-knowledge or inner guidance as does this study.
Ecofeminism
According to Taylor, feminism has four main branches: liberal, Marxist, radical, and socialist.337 The main thrust of ecofeminism can be described as radical, and as placing high value on the relationship between women and nature. She states that ecofeminists make connections between the domination of women, people of color, and the earth, and call for a change in consciousness from the masculine as the ruling principle, to a reweaving of the feminine back into culture. Taylor however critiques the 87 movement as limited in its inclusion of women of color, and the prioritization of issues that pertain to people of color such as the complex intersection between race, class, and gender.
Irene Diamond points out that awareness of, and responses to ecological issues differ in industrialized countries and in the Third World.338 Women in the West began standing up against issues such as the overuse and misuse of chemicals, the irresponsible dumping of toxic wastes, and the dangers of nuclear power, while women in Third World countries struggled with more immediate concerns, such as having enough clean water, and food. Diamond points out that although women’s struggles can differ, both stem from androcentric, and anthropocentric worldviews and behavior.
In Diamond’s estimation, there are three main intentions that fuel ecofeminism: 1) to honor all life as inherently valuable, including the life systems of the earth, such as rivers and lakes, 2) to address social justice issues as inseparable from the health of the planet, recognizing that the future of humanity and of the earth are indivisible, 3) to maintain a relationship with the earth based on sacred reciprocity, remembering as do indigenous cultures, that the earth is not a storehouse of resources for human consumption but a living being in her own right. Diamond asserts that ecofeminism as a body politic, embraces a wide agenda and a wide range of approaches.
Charlene Spretnak further illustrates the various threads that weave into the tapestry of ecofeminism.339 She sees the three main influences as: 1) theories of dominance based on class, and informed by Marxism that, through the analysis of radical feminists, has broadened to include the dominance of women and the earth, 2) the emergent awareness of Goddess traditions, and nature-based religion as a source of 88 inspiration, renewal, as well as empowerment, 3) the environmental movement which has been influenced by ecofeminism and deep ecology, thus creating a deeper river of understanding than traditional environmental education. She expresses the hope that the political agenda of ecofeminism will:
…address not only the interlinked dynamics in patriarchal culture of the terror of nature and the terror of the elemental power of the female but also the ways out of the mesmerizing conditioning that keeps women and men so cut off from our grounding in the natural world, so alienated from our larger sense of self in the unfolding story of the universe.340
Spretnak proclaims that in order for this to come about, engagement needs to go beyond the intellectual, and encompass embodied communion with nature.
Noble is an example of one who incorporates the influence of ancient Goddess religions in her theories. She claims that the Goddess guides destiny and that women often experience this through their bodies.341 She maintains that a woman’s cycle creates a continuous, deep connection with her body, the planet, the lunar cycles, and the tides.342
This relationship in turn creates a deep receptivity to the speech of the earth, says Noble who believes that women are more instinctual, and more naturally attuned to other dimensions than are men, due to hormonal and biological processes.343
Noble uses the term Shakti Woman to describe women who hear the earth’s call.344 She defines them as:
Human females who are feeling the call of the Dark Goddess-the deep serious will- to- live arousing from within the body of the planet. This demanding energy of the Dark Goddess-she who would destroy old forms to make way for the new- is pushing through us for healing and the realignment with Nature that needs to happen at this time.345
The concept of a Shakti Woman situates the topic of destiny in a collective, and nature- based arena. 89 Noble addresses both the strengths and challenges a woman faces in heeding the call that registers in her body. She states that although women may have a natural propensity toward intuition, they have also been conditioned to not act on it. She declares that women need to learn to take action on the guidance that they receive.346 She sees the process as one of becoming increasingly attuned to the body and less attuned to the old thought patterns.347
D’Souza looks at the roots of women’s disavowal of their power. She observes that the scientific, and later the industrial revolution, laid the foundation for a worldview that placed men, particularly those of European descent at the top of an invented hierarchy.348 She cites the work of Galileo, Newton, and Descartes as influencing, not only the world of science, but society as a whole. D’Souza questions the idea that values such as development, productivity, militarization, and individualism should be accepted as universal, and benefiting to all cultures throughout the world, noting the harmful impact patriarchal and imperialistic views have had on women, people of non-European descent and Third World countries.
Again pointing to the scientific revolution as one cause of the current systems of oppression, Kelly demands that feminism’s primary aim must be to free women from powerlessness, noting the link between sexism, the military industrial complex, and ecological peril.349 She clarifies that the aim is not simply to place women in existing positions of power, thus creating a patriarchy run by women, but to dismantle the very core of the dysfunctional system. Kelly asserts that what is needed is a shift in relationship to power. She believes that humanity must learn to share power, if we are to have a “peaceful, just and ecological society.” 350 90 Griffin concurs that issues of power are of primary concern.351 She proposes that it is not economics that drive the need to dominate both humans and nature, but the need to feel power, and avoid powerlessness. Citing the scientific revolution as a pivotal point in history, she explains that the revolution threatened the belief that man reigned over nature. As a result, Griffin suggests, the Inquisition, and the slave trade served to symbolically uphold the illusion of power over nature, as women and people of color, including Jews, were seen as reflective of the earth. She contends that it is the deep split from the earth, our bodies, and our direct experience that makes it possible to remain numb to the peril we are in.
Linda Hogan, Deena Metzger, and Brenda Peterson speak to the effects that science has had on our relationship with animals in particular.352 Acknowledging that there was a time in all cultures, including European, in which animals were thought of as kin, they point to the fact that for hundreds of years, moderns have become alienated from the animal kingdom, perceiving them as soulless, and of questionable value.
In addition, they call attention to the emerging shift in consciousness, offering examples such as the deep ecology movement and the Gaia hypothesis, to illustrate a return to an awareness of the intelligence and aliveness in all. Hogan et al. assert the historical roots and inherent resources of this in their statement: “Animals have been the source of our connection with the world all along, and of that connection is born spiritual power, feminine presence, and human survival.” 353
In examining the source of women’s intimate bonds with animals, Hogan et al. hypothesize that it is women’s tendency to value feelings and empathy, as well as the fact that women share a similar history with animals, that of being both coveted and 91 mistreated, that promote a deeper kinship. It is this bond that, in their estimation, is not only a capacity, but also a moral responsibility that has profound implications for the shared future.
Although Taylor agrees with many of the tenets of ecofeminism, she points out that issues of power exist within the movement itself. She points out that white women speak in depth of oppression by men, but rarely speak of the fact that oppression can also occur between women. In her view, ecofeminism primarily consists of and addresses white, middle class women, and fails to consider the complex issues that face women of color.354 As such, she presents the creation of the environmental justice movement, which incorporates and centralizes issues of class, gender, and race.
Taylor cites the publication of Rachel Carson’s Silent Spring, as the origin of the environmental movement in the 1960’s. She reports that, although this resulted in cleaner rivers, lakes and air quality for some, environmentalists failed to notice the lack of pollution cleanup in communities of color. In the 1970’s, she continues, although the movement gained momentum, it seemed to attract few people of color. The 1980’s however saw the emergence of the environmental justice movement, which addressed the relationship between environmental and social justice issues.355 She describes,
The movement focuses on themes of fairness, justice, distribution of environmental impacts, and the sharing of costs of environmental impacts as a way of linking the struggles for equality and as a way of mobilizing communitywide coalitions built across race, ethnic, and class lines and interest groups.356
As opposed to ecofeminism, this movement represented a much wider demographic.
Taylor explains that within the movement, justice is understood as pertaining to two distinct categories: 1) distribution justice, and 2) corrective justice.357 Distribution 92 justice refers to the ways in which both, “benefits and burdens of social cooperation” are parceled, whereas corrective justice speaks to the acknowledgement of past inequities, and reparations, as well as the maintenance of honorable exchanges between citizens and governments, or corporations. The unequal disposal of toxic wastes in poorer communities of color would be addressed under both these types of justice.
She adds that, whereas the environmental movement has traditionally worked to preserve and restore areas of natural habitat, the environmental justice movement prioritizes the human environment.358 Terms such as, environmental discrimination and environmental racism, have emerged out of this struggle and have brought attention to the challenges faced by communities of color, as well as people in poor rural areas, and in cities.359
Taylor adds that the environmental movement was founded and run primarily by white males, and the eco-feminist movement primarily by white women. Conversely, the environmental justice movement is characterized by high percentages of women of color in positions of leadership. She notes that, 49 percent of 205 environmental groups made up of people of color, were recorded as having women in positions such as founders, and presidents.360
Taylor insists that women of color in the environmental movement face more complexity than white women, arguing that ecofeminists tend to focus on the domination of women by patriarchy without adequately acknowledging that for women of color their struggle for freedom cannot be separated from the liberation of the men in their lives who like them are subject to racism, and often classism.361 93 In summary, Eco-feminism is a response to the marginalization of women’s voices within the larger environmental and deep ecology movement. Much of the theory presented remains within the intellectual sphere, as Spretnak herself mentions. In accordance with her recommendation that direct experience with nature is equally relevant, this research utilizes a nature-based methodology to explore women’s issues, many of which relate to core eco-feminist principles. Drawing on eco-feminist concepts such as, Taylor and Noble’s presentation of women’s natural connection with her instincts, and the earth, Diamond’s assertion of the need to revalue the feminine principle, and D’Souza, Kelly, and Griffin’s claims that issues of power and powerlessness strongly impact women’s lives, this study added data to a field greatly lacking in research.
To conclude this section on Ecopsychology as a whole, it is clear that ecopsychology and ecofeminism as theory, and ecotherapy as practice are introducing ancient wisdom cloaked in modern language into the field of psychology. The movement is still young and has little research to substantiate claims. This study takes core concepts such as Sewall’s ecological consciousness, and Naess’ ecological self, and provides data, utilizing nature-based methodologies, that both calls on, and substantiates these concepts.
Imaginal Psychology
Omer’s concepts emerge from Imaginal Transformation Praxis, which is an approach that exists within the orientation of Imaginal Psychology. One foundational concept within his theory is the imaginal structure, which he defines as,
assemblies of sensory, affective, and cognitive aspects of experience constellated into images that both mediate and constitute experience. The specifics of an imaginal structure are determined by an interaction of personal, archetypal, and cultural influences.362 94 Omer proposes that these structures can be transformed into greater capacities through the alchemical process. In addition, he educates that this transformation of identity is dependent upon engaging what he calls “the passionate nature of the soul.” 363
Omer also presents the Mother face of the Friend and the Father face of the Friend to describe the masculine and feminine principles. As described earlier, the Friend embodies the “deep potentials of the soul which guide us to act with passionate objectivity and encourage us to align with the creative will of the cosmos.” 364 Omer distinguishes between a feminine and masculine expression of this force, proposing that the feminine supports mutuality with autonomy, while the masculine, authority with love.365
Barbara Greenfield instructs that within the field of archetypal psychology the masculine is associated with ego development, while the feminine is associated with the unconscious.366 Characteristics of the feminine, as understood by Murdock, Lesley Irene
Shore, and Leonard, include qualities of relatedness, affirmation of life, and accessing of wisdom, intuition, and feeling.367 Characteristics of the masculine are often associated with authority, law, order, perfection, will, stability, and action.368 Woodman suggests that a healthy relationship between the masculine and feminine is exemplified by the masculine listening to and responding to the wisdom of the feminine.369
Sanford Drob speaks of the sacred marriage of the masculine and feminine as it is portrayed in the Jewish creation story Tikkun Olam.370 He explains that, as per mystic
Isaac Luria, the masculine and feminine were united in the “womb of the Celestial
Mother” otherwise known in the creation myth, as the sacred vessels. When the vessels broke, due to their inability to sustain the power of divine light, the Celestial Mother and 95 Father ceased to face one another in sexual union, and instead become alienated, which resulted in chaos.
Drob highlights that this mythic union parallels Jung’s understanding of alchemy and the process of conjunction, or the cosmic joining of the masculine and feminine. He educates that Jung, who was also interested in the Kabbalah, referred to these divine opposites as the anima and animus.371 The anima refers to an archetypal female energy that is revealed through symbolism within a man’s soul, and the animus, to an archetypal masculine energy that arises within a woman. In Jung’s theory of individuation, these opposites unite. Drob summarizes,
Kabbalistically, this [union of opposites] is the process of Tikkun ha-Olam; psychologically, it is the process that Jung referred to as individuation, a process that…involves an openness to and reconciliation of the opposing principles.... in the individual and collective psyches.372
Drob suggests, as per Jung, the Kabbalah, and alchemy, that the reintegration of the masculine and feminine serves not only the individual, but also the world.
Murdock points to the alchemical term Hieros Gamos, or sacred marriage of the divine opposites, in relation to a woman’s journey to wholeness.373 She claims that this archetypal marriage can be understood not only as a union between the feminine and masculine principles, but between the ego and the self. She writes,
In drinking the Goddess’s waters the ego’s personal claim to power is renounced. Indeed, the ego acknowledges itself as but a recipient and channel of a destiny flowing from a deep, mysterious ground of being which is the source both of terror and revulsion as well as the beautiful play of life.374
In this way, she highlights the importance of the joining of opposites on the journey to one’s destiny, and suggests that this union results in a woman’s ability to give birth to herself. 96 Research on the feminine and masculine principles as discussed in Imaginal
Psychology by Omer, Archetypal Psychology by Greenfield, and Jungian Psychology by
Drob and Woodman, all point to the integration of these two universal energies as a signifier of psychological development. Research in this area is limited, and even more so, research that employs a nature-based methodology as a mode of contacting and developing the masculine and feminine principles. This study provides data on the masculine and feminine that is lacking in the field of psychology.
Conclusion
The preceding literature review illustrates women’s psychological development, and the obstacles women face in engaging their calling, supplemented by destiny, ecopsychology, and Imaginal Psychology, as additional windows through which to explore the topic. Gaps in the existing literature are discussed that point to the importance and necessity of this study, and what additional data it can provide to widen the understanding of women’s challenges in relation to their calling.
The first section on Women’s Development began by situating the area of study within the context of the women’s movement and feminism. This was followed by discussions of gender bias and its effects on women’s ability to value both their relational selves, and their need for autonomous expression. In addition women’s psychological development was explored from a variety of angles, and finally initiation was considered in relation to women’s unique growth processes.
The literature on women’s adult development was in great part a response to androcentrism, however it remained within the confines on anthropocentrism. For 97 example, women’s development in relation to Gilligan’s discussion of morality, or
Belenkey et al.’s introduction of women’s unique ways of knowing, stop short at looking through the lens of culture. Theoretically and methodologically speaking, this study places women’s experience in relationship to both culture and nature. There is a striking absence of literature that considers nature as a valid variable when looking at women’s experience of themselves both internally, and in the world. Considering the environmental challenges we now face as a species, it is time that nature becomes a recognized factor in psychological development.
The second section, Women’s Obstacles to Success considered developmental as well as societal influences. In addition, fear, grief and shame were examined as affective barriers. While the literature thoroughly examined cultural as well as intrapsychic barriers, it remained within the confines of limited cultural views when considering the definition of success, and contexts in which success is explored. This can be seen in the location chosen for research such as Pappo’s academic setting, or Horner’s competitive environment, and definitions of success such as Krueger’s “endeavors of achievement,” and Ruderman’s focus on recognition and centrality. This research expands the data on women’s obstacles to success by looking through the lens of destiny, in relation to the soul, and the lens of ecopsychology, which incorporates the influence of nature. In addition, the methodology, which employs nature and art based research methods allow for the female soul to be explored in relation to this topic.
The third section on Destiny presented a wide range of perspectives including
Jungian, Archetypal, Existential, Imaginal, and Organizational. Inadequately addressed in the research was the relationship between nature and destiny, the potentially unique 98 experience women have in relation to destiny, and research based in a methodology that incorporates nature and the female soul.
Although a number of theorists such as Campbell, and May acknowledged the important role that nature plays in relation to destiny, it was not brought into the realm of embodiment. When discussed in more corporal terms, by Whyte and Somé for example, there was scarce data in the existing literature that reflected the earth-based perspective.
This points to a tendency to romanticize or intellectualize the influence of nature. This study provides a research context that brings nature into the conversation on destiny, in a direct and sensorial way.
In addition, women’s relationship with destiny as unique from men’s was not addressed. Not only is there a lack of conversation regarding cultural inhibitions that impact women in relation to destiny, there is also an absence of discussion on women’s modes of coming to know their calling. Meade includes cultural constraints in his definition of fate, May speaks of limitations within his comprehension of destiny, von
Franz and Houston address wounding, but none tackle constraints or wounds that stem from societally oppressive influences. This study focuses on destiny, as it is experienced by women in particular, and takes into consideration the impact of cultural strands of fate.
Lastly, research based in a methodology that incorporates nature and the female soul is lacking. Meade, Hillman, Chopra and Sardello introduce the concept of the human soul, but research that is designed to capture the direct experience of the female soul in particular, in relation to destiny, is missing. This study is designed to create data in this area via approaches such as art and nature based methodologies. 99 The fourth section on Ecopsychology provided theoretical backing for this research as it substantiates the importance of reexamining psychological health from a wider more inclusive paradigm, namely one that recognizes the role of nature. As this branch of psychology is still in its early stages, there is scarcity of research to substantiate claims. To support the relevance of eco-psychological and ecofeminist theory, research that focuses less on cognitive dimensions and more on the phenomenological is necessary. This study utilizes a nature-based methodology that provides data supportive to claims that the ecological self is an advanced stage of development, that ecological consciousness can be fostered, and that women can benefit from revaluing the feminine.
The section on Imaginal Psychology provided a theoretical foundation for the exploration of the hypothesis that a deficient relationship with the positive aspects of the
Mother and Father face of the Friend could negatively impact women’s relationship with their calling. Although there is a plethora of theoretical material on this topic as can be seen in Jungian, Archetypal, and Imaginal Psychology alone, there is less research that substantiates the claims. The art based and nature based research methodology is designed to capture issues related to the masculine and feminine through the engagement with the language of symbols.
In conclusion, the gaps in the literature on women’s obstacles to engaging calling point to the necessity of research that goes beyond: 1) definitions of success that have been shaped by a patriarchal paradigm, and 2) anthropocentric views of what constitutes healthy development and identity formation.
If in fact Bolen is correct in her statement, “gather the women, save the world,” then it is imperative that we garner a greater understanding of women’s obstacles to 100 engaging their true vocation, not just to achieving success as it is culturally defined.375 As such, this doctoral dissertation aims to address the Research Problem: what imaginal structures arise for women when engaging their destiny?
101
CHAPTER 3
METHODOLOGY
Introduction and Overview
The methodology employed addresses the Research Problem: what imaginal structures arise when a woman engages her destiny? The research was also designed as an inquiry into the hypothesis that the obstacles women face in this area of their lives, are directly correlated to a deficiency in relationship to the positive aspects of the Mother and
Father face of the Friend.
As a means to explore this Research Problem, I utilized Imaginal Inquiry, an approach rooted in Imaginal Transformation Praxis that was developed by Omer.
Imaginal Inquiry utilizes direct and immediate experience as the core of its methodology.
There are four distinct phases within Imaginal Inquiry: 1) Evoking Experience is aimed at evoking the phenomena being studied; 2) Expressing Experience is designed to allow expression of that which has been evoked, and to provide data from which to make meaning in the following phase; 3) Interpreting Experience involves analyzing the data and 4) Integrating Experience includes: providing a forum for participants to reflect, and integrate their experience, synthesizing the data to create meaning, and transmitting the learnings to those who might benefit.
Imaginal Inquiry is situated within the Participatory Paradigm, which declares that at our core, we are consciousness. This paradigm has emerged out of the post- modern era, bringing a renewed sense of value to the human experience, relatedness, 102 context and speech.1 As such, it places value on the inter-subjective field, where the objective and the subjective co-mingle, and produce fertile ground from which to create new meaning. Researchers are primed to interact with the inter-subjective field through the practice of reflexivity.2 Omer likens reflexivity to a state of being self-aware which facilitates the observation of one’s experience, and therefore lessens the potential for identification.
In order to facilitate a palpable relationship with the inter-subjective field, the phenomena intended to be studied, must be adequately evoked. This research on the obstacles women face in engaging their calling initially focused on fear as the main obstacle. Krueger addresses women’s fear of success, by exposing two contrary impulses, one toward one’s valued goals, and the other, away. He describes the opposite movement as a “recoiling” from the very aim toward which one “constantly strives.” 3
The research took place over two meetings, with three weeks in between the two gatherings. The evoking began before participants attended the first meeting, in the process of choosing a symbol to bring of their calling and their obstacle. During the first meeting, evoking consisted of: an invocation, and speaking each participants’ name into the circle three times by the group, the creation of an altar dedicated to calling, an exercise in which each participant spoke in front of the group as if they were presently living their calling, the creation of an altar dedicated to the obstacle, a guided meditation that supported participants in accessing their senses before engaging in the outdoor portion of the study, and seeking symbols in nature related to the calling and obstacle.
The evoking aspects of the second meeting consisted of: speaking the names of each 103 participant in to the circle three times, by the group, and the presentation of the preliminary interpretations and group discussion.
The research design was intended to evoke fear that might parallel some of the fears that arise in the participants’ lives, in their attempts to move toward their calling.
What was evoked however encompassed much more. A full range of affects was expressed in relation to success and failure, such as excitement, joy and hope as well as fear, anxiety, sadness, shame and anger. This was accomplished through giving participants an opportunity to be visible and speak in front of the group, as if presently living their calling. The combined impact of being in front of a group, which is often associated with authority, and speaking in such a way as to embody the experiences that the participants were struggling to bring to fruition, was aimed at evoking the fear that presumably hindered their expression of calling.
The Expressing Experience phase also took place during both meetings. The first meeting addressed this in the following ways: Participants drew the relationship between their calling and obstacle, shared about this process with the group, and then wrote a letter from the child self about who supported and inhibited their dreams when they were young. Later when outdoors, they wrote and shared a letter from the Earth to themselves, and upon return to the indoor setting, they expressed their obstacle through movement and sound, expressing one phrase at the end, followed by the group responding through movement, sound and gesture. This process was repeated in relation to calling.
Participants also journaled about what they had learned in relation to their calling and obstacle, and what action they could take during the time between meetings; They identified a potential ally in this process, and finally one at a time, spoke a supportive 104 voice from their chosen ally into the circle. In the expression aspect of the second meeting participants journaled about key moments of the research, shared these perceptions with the group, responded to the presentation of the initial Learnings, and completed a final journaling and round of sharing related to what they had learned about their calling and obstacle as a result of having participated in this study.
The participants’ expression of experience was collected as data through journaling, audiotaping of the entire process, and videotaping of the initial Evoking
Experience. All audio recordings were subsequently transcribed. In addition, the co- researchers’ impressions of key moments were gathered in verbal exchange and writing, during debriefs that followed both meetings.
The third phase of the research, Interpreting Experience, consisted of data analysis and meaning making. This process occurred through the identification of key moments that stood out from the entirety of the data. In addition, participants were asked to identify their perception of the key moments of the first meeting, and to comment on the preliminary learnings. Their feedback was then considered and incorporated into the final learnings. The co-researchers and I also identified key moments after both meetings.
Through evaluating the key moments in relationship to pertinent theories, five learnings were crafted.
The fourth phase of the research, Integrating Experience, was designed to allow a process of integration of the research experience for all involved. Participants were given the opportunity to do this, on the second day of research, by means of reflecting and journaling regarding key moments. 105 Another aspect of the integration phase includes the dissemination of the learnings to the wider community. In relation to my own professional work, this includes a blog that I have recently started that will include these issues, among others that speak to women’s experience. In addition, women’s circles that follow a similar format to the methodology is currently one of my offerings, and is described on my web site.
In order to support the validity of the research, two co-researchers participated in the first and second meetings of the study. They were both familiar with Imaginal
Inquiry, had developed capacities of collaboration and reflexivity, and had some knowledge of, and interest in this area of study. Laura Tabet was one of the co- researchers. Having spent four years in the same cohort throughout our doctoral coursework, I had many opportunities to witness her capacity to collaborate, hold a container, see and empathize with many perspectives, and put her own views aside in order to view the greater patterns that were emerging within the group.
Shira Marin also acted as a co-researcher. Another Meridian doctoral student, her dissertation includes related themes such as the exile of the feminine. Shira had great interest in, and a deep understanding of the themes in the study stemming from her own personal journey, as well as her experience in clinical practice as a Jungian oriented psychotherapist.
The study had numerous limitations inherent in its design. Because visibility is often a core issue for women who are challenged in claiming their calling, the research itself had to be designed in such a way as to account for this, offering both opportunities to challenge this fear, as well as opportunities to express in ways that might be less threatening. The evoking exercise, in which participants stood in front of the group and 106 expressed their calling, as if they were currently living it, is an example of the design that evoked affects including fear, shame, grief and anger, as well as excitement, joy, and hope, within a supportive environment.
The research design, situated within the participatory paradigm, was designed as a one-day study of seven hours in length, and a three-hour follow up three weeks later.
Limits were placed on the study both as a result of the research paradigm, as well as due to choices made to help refine the focus of the study. There were benefits as well as drawbacks inherent in the design. The brevity of the study inhibited the ability to view the participants’ process over time as would be possible in a longitudinal study.
As per qualitative studies, the participant pool was small, in this case limited to 10 participants, eight of which attended the study. Although this can be viewed as a limit when attempting to generalize the learnings to a wider population, it is important to note that within the participatory paradigm, the value placed on the ability to generalize is not as paramount as is the value placed on authenticity.5 The small sample allowed for a more intimate, and deeper foray into the interior lives of women who struggle with calling.
The qualitative approach also limits the kind of data that can be collected, as it focuses on the experiential and relies less on that which can be quantified. The result may limit the influence the research may have within the mainstream. The data that is collected however more effectively takes into account a greater subtlety of experience that is traditionally marginalized and discounted.
Another limit of the study can be seen in the screening process. One of the criteria used when screening participants, was previous experience of a psychological nature such 107 as therapy, or psycho-spiritual group work. While this assured that the participants would more readily engage the practices within the study, it also contributed to the possibility that the final learnings might pertain to a smaller section of the population.
In addition, the demographics of the participant pool were limited to women from primarily European descent. Although I attempted to reach a wide variety of women through advertising that would reach women from different economic as well as ethnic backgrounds, the women who attended did not reflect the wider population. I am unable to verify this information, as the screening itself asked about age and relationship status, but did not include questions pertaining to class and race. Six participants lived in Marin, and the other two within a hundred mile radius. Each woman had an experience of feeling blocked in relation to her calling.
The result of having a homogenous group of participants, limits the ability to generalize the data. Due to the lack of diversity, the learnings might apply more to white middle class women. However, fear, shame and grief are nonetheless, universal experiences, as is the curative impact of nature on the soul. In this way, the learnings may be applicable to a wider population than the demographics of the participants represented.
In addition to limitations, delimitations were also present, which were the result of the research design. These choices included the decision to videotape one of the central evoking practices, and to screen participants for access to their intuition, and comfort with nature, and art-based inquiry. Lastly, I chose to limit the depth of affect that participants might access by differentiating research from the therapeutic process.
By choosing to videotape an aspect of the evoking sequence, I introduced an element that could have created, either an increase in self-consciousness for the more 108 introverted participants, impacting how much they were willing to expose, or conversely, increased the level of persona, for those who tended toward extroversion.
Participants
Participants were recruited through the Internet via an email letter to friends
(Appendix 8) who forwarded a description of the study (Appendix 6) to their friends and colleagues, through craigslist (Appendix 6), flyers (Appendix 7), and word of mouth
(Appendix 5). Ten participants were chosen to participate in the study. It was required that the participants were female and at least 30 years of age.
In choosing participants for the study, I used the following criteria: First, participants had to be available to attend the entirety of the two meetings, the initial one spanning seven hours and the second meeting, three weeks later, three-hours. Second, the potential participants had to match the description of feeling blocked in relation to their calling, and third they needed to have a certain familiarity and comfort with one or more of the modalities of group sharing, art, and nature based inquiry. Although 10 women were accepted into the study, as a result of attrition, the first day of research was comprised of eight participants, and on the second day, five participated.
Outside of the variables, I had hoped to have a more diverse population, but knowing that I live in a predominantly Euro-American area, and that the majority of participants were referred through people I knew, this was not accomplished, despite the postings on craigslist that were accessible to women from different ethnic, socio- economic, and educational backgrounds. 109 The population of this study consisted of women who were at least 30 years old, and who felt blocked when attempting to engage their calling. Possible motivational factors for the participants include, but are not limited to, a desire for an increase in clarity about their destiny, as well as the nature and origins of their obstacles. Other possible motivations are the desire to strengthen one’s capacity for courage and willingness to take risks, as well as to experience a decrease in isolation and increase in belonging.
Benefits for participants may have included: 1) A recovery of a sense of sisterhood as a result of participating in a woman’s circle, 2) forward movement in their lives as a result of the support experienced in the circle, 3) access to symbolic language of their calling resulting from the nature based inquiry, which may have served to loosen the effects of the gatekeeper, and deepened their relationship with the Friend.
Participants were aware of the possible risks inherent in participating. As described in the Informed Consent Form, the primary risk involved was that of overwhelming affect. Although the research was designed to evoke experience that was appropriate to the context of research rather than therapy, there remained an unknown as to the extent to which affects such as fear, shame, anger and grief, would arise. In addition, there was a risk of participants feeling overly exposed before enough safety was established, which could have resulted in the surfacing of shame and subsequent withdrawal. Each participant was made cognizant of the potential risks of the study in the
Informed Consent Agreement (Appendix 4), which they received prior to arriving, and again at the beginning of the first meeting. 110 I attempted to decrease the risks by screening participants. I chose only participants who seemed to demonstrate high levels of psychological awareness and who had prior experience with either psychological or spiritual work. In addition, I made sure to pay close attention to the participants’ experience throughout the research, and communicated at the beginning, that if they needed to speak with one of the researchers, that we were available. At the end of each meeting, integrative activities also served to reduce risk, such as speaking an affirmative voice of the ally at the completion of the first meeting (Appendix 42), and planting a seed of hope at the conclusion of the second
(Appendix 53).
I first initiated contact with participants after receiving their telephone call, or email in response to one of my recruiting methods (Appendix 5 thru 8). I then responded by calling them, and either conducting the interview at that time, to determine their eligibility (Appendix 10) or by making an appointment at a future time that was more convenient for them (Appendix 11). One week after conducting each screening, I contacted the potential participants to let them know if they had met the criteria for the study, and had been accordingly accepted, or rejected as a participant (Appendix 13 and
Appendix 14).
Two weeks prior to the study, I sent all participants a letter (Appendix 15) that addressed the time, location, and nature of the study, as well as the potential risks involved. Included in the letter was a copy of the Informed Consent (Appendix 4). In addition to identifying the approaches that would be utilized, and the potential risks, the letter also addressed issues of confidentiality, confirming that their identities would remain anonymous through the use of pseudonyms. 111 At the beginning of the first research day, before any data collection began, I passed out the Informed Consent. Most had brought their signed copy, and those who didn’t signed it that morning. Before continuing, I reiterated some of the most salient points, such as anonymity, and the voluntary nature of participation.
Four Phases of Imaginal Inquiry
Imaginal Inquiry, developed by Omer, is a methodological approach to research that is situated within the participatory paradigm, which posits that our true nature is an abiding consciousness that is participatory in essence.6 This approach draws upon heuristic, phenomenological, naturalistic, and art-based research approaches. Personal and cultural transformation, are two intents behind this methodology, as is the development of a relationship with knowledge that extends beyond current conventional constraints of research.
Evoking Experience
For this research on the obstacles women face when engaging their destiny, a full range of affects from fear, anger, grief and shame to joy, hope, and excitement was evoked. The first Evoking Experience began during the initial telephone-screening interview, at which time I asked questions about participants’ calling and related obstacles (Appendix 12). Questions included, “What is the calling that has been challenging for you to bring to fruition?” and “What is your biggest obstacle?”
The initial evoking began in a more concrete manner at the first meeting. The circle was opened through the use of an invocation and the repeating of each participant’s name three times by the group. (Appendix 19 and Appendix 20). Soon after an altar 112 dedicated to calling was created (Appendix 21) during which time participants shared a symbol brought from home, and its meaning in relation to their destiny. Subsequently, participants stood in a semi-circle and were asked to speak one at a time, in front of the group, describing their lives, as if they were currently living their calling (Appendix 22).
After two minutes of sharing, the participants had another minute to report what they were experiencing. Depending on what I witnessed, I coached each person in contacting and reporting their affects, thoughts, and somatic experience. For example, one participant’s eyes were glossy and her lip was quivering, so I inquired as to what she was experiencing. As she was unable to find words, I asked if she was feeling sadness, at which point, she allowed herself to cry.
Another altar was then created, this time dedicated to obstacles (Appendix 23).
Participants were again encouraged to share the symbol they had brought from home, and speak about their biggest obstacle to pursuing their calling.
After the lunch break, two more evoking exercises ensued. At an outdoor location, participants were guided through a meditation that was aimed at opening their sensate and energetic awareness (Appendix 30). They were then invited to seek two symbols on the land, one that represented their calling, and the other their obstacle
(Appendix 31 and Appendix 34). All participants took part in this exercise, however one fell asleep during the portion on seeking a symbol of one’s obstacle. After being retrieved by a co-researcher, she continued with the group in the related journaling.
At the second meeting, evoking consisted of opening the circle with each woman speaking her name, and having it repeated back three times by the group (Appendix 45).
The second aspect of evoking was accomplished by presenting the preliminary learnings, 113 (Appendix 48) and encouraging the participants to dialogue about what resonated with their experience, or did not (Appendix 49).
Expressing Experience
After the evoking phase of the inquiry, participants were given the opportunity to express their experience. This also served the purpose of providing data for the study.
The expressing of experience began at the telephone-screening interview (Appendix 12).
The potential participants’ responses to questions facilitated them to express their personal struggles regarding their calling.
At the first meeting, participants expressed through drawing the relationship between their calling and their obstacle (Appendix 25), followed by sharing their experience with the group (Appendix 26). After this, more data was expressed and collected when participants wrote a letter from the child self to their adult self (Appendix
27). Later, after seeking the symbol of their calling, they were instructed to write a letter from the Earth (Appendix 37) and share meaningful aspects of it (Appendix 33).
Upon return from the land-based practices, more expression ensued. Participants stood in front of the group one at a time, with the intent to express their obstacle aesthetically, through sound, movement and gesture. After the non-verbal portion, they were asked to speak one phrase that captured their experience (Appendix 38). Once each woman had a turn, the same process was repeated, this time with the focus on calling
(Appendix 39). After each expression, participants received a response from the group as a whole, in a similar non-verbal manner. 114 At the conclusion of the first meeting, my co-researchers and I convened. We identified the key moments, and expressed how they affected us.
In addition, as much had arisen in the inter-subjective field that impacted my relationship with one of the co-researchers, we acknowledged the shadow material that had arisen, and expressed the related grief and hurt.
The second meeting also included expressive activities. Participants were asked to journal their perception of key moments that had occurred the first day (Appendix 46).
This was followed by sharing of the key moments (Appendix 47). Subsequent to the preliminary learnings being presented, participants were invited to respond through dialogue (Appendix 49). A short break ensued, followed by a final journaling questionnaire that inquired into what participants had learned, and how they had grown as a result of participating in the study (Appendix 51). These same questions were the focus of the last sharing (Appendix 52).
After the second meeting, my co-researchers and I gathered to discuss key moments. We found ourselves spontaneously and excitedly making meaning of the discussion that took place among participants, especially in regards to the unexpected topic of witch burning, fear of persecution for being female, and the wild woman archetype.
115 Interpreting Experience
In order to interpret the data from the study, I conducted a thorough process of culling the meaning of the participants’ experience through identifying key moments that occurred during the research, according to Omer, the soul’s relationship to time, or what is being referred to here, as a key moment, is based upon experience rather than linear time.4 In order to identify key moments, I employed multiple methods. Participants were asked to journal and then share their views of the key moments that occurred during the first meeting (Appendix 46 and Appendix 47). In addition, subsequent to each meeting, I met with my co-researchers, and each of us, independent of the other, wrote down our immediate and intuitive perception of the key moments, which we then discussed, noting parallels and differences.
During the three-week break between research meetings, I transcribed all the data from journals, audio and videotape, and reread them on numerous occasions. I then placed the most salient excerpts from the full transcriptions in italics, thus providing me with shorter phrases that captured the heart of what the participant was expressing.
Steiner Kvale refers to this as the condensation approach: “an abridgement of the meanings expressed…into shorter formulation.” 5 This condensation assisted me in the conceptualization of the data.
Additionally, I employed the method of analysis called meaning categorization, which Kvale describes as a process of codification of categories.6 I utilized color to code the central themes that emerged from the data. Categories included: women’s issues, gatekeeping, fear, anger, shame, guilt, nature, wild self, calling, obstacle, gift, essence, 116 autonomy, belonging, and culture. At times, the theme was explicit, and at other times implicit.
Before the key moments emerged into coherent learnings, I also went through an intuitive process of meaning making. Having spent extensive time reviewing the themes and patterns within the data, the material seeped below my mind, and deep into my being.
It resurfaced in the form of insights and phrases, at liminal moments such as upon waking, during meditation, and while walking in nature. From these linear, and non- linear approaches, the following learnings emerged: 1) Destiny Through Nature Colored
Glasses, 2) When Calling is Held Hostage, 3) Shame as a Portal to Destiny, and, 4) Wild
Loss Grieved Feeds the Soil of Calling 5) Intimacy with Nature and the Inner Marriage.
After the key moments were identified, I returned to the approaches of meaning categorization as well as intuitive analysis in order to complete the learnings. I then grouped similar moments that supported the original one enough to create a learning from it, into the section in the Learnings Chapter entitled what happened. After having crafted learnings from key moments, I sought theoretical backing in the related literature.
Drawing upon concepts, principles, and myth, I analyzed the data.
Integrating Experience
The final stage of Imaginal Inquiry, and of the study as a whole, entailed the integration of experience. In this research approach, participants integrate their experience of having been part of the study through various means. In the first meeting, after the aesthetic expression of calling and obstacle, participants responded to journal questions regarding their calling, obstacle, potential action and ally (Appendix 40) and 117 then shared their answers with the group (Appendix 41). To end the day, each person spoke a sentence from the voice of the ally (Appendix 42).
Integration was addressed during the second meeting by reading the preliminary learnings (Appendix 48), after which, participants were invited to dialogue regarding their responses to the learnings (Appendix 49). This dialogue was very lively and brought up material that had not surfaced in the first day of research. Topics such as the longing for the wild self, and collective female memory, are discussed in the Reflections chapter.
To close, participants shared what they had learned about themselves, and how they had grown as a result of participating in the study (Appendix 52). They then took part in a closing ritual (Appendix 53). The ritual symbolized the planting of positive intentions for their lives. Each woman placed a seed into rich soil that was contained within a vibrantly colored, handmade clay bowl, and spoke one word that captured her intention for herself.
The other women then repeated her word thrice, as they had echoed her name at the start of the study. And finally, participants received a Summary of Learnings (Appendix 56) as the completion of the integration phase.
In addition to the research participants, the learnings from this study could potentially benefit other women from a wider demographic who face similar challenges.
Writing in the form of a blog series, or a book written in accessible language could reach women who might not have the resources, or inclination to attend workshops. I hope to offer services to both individual women and groups of women who are paralyzed by fear, shame, and unrecognized grief, in relation to taking action on behalf of themselves and their calling. In addition, I plan on posting interviews with women whose work in the 118 world is informed by their relationship with the earth, as a means of creating greater awareness of this as a resource for personal and cultural transformation.
I feel passionate about holding women’s circles with various foci, such as mother’s healing circles, mother-daughter groups, and women’s courage circles, which addresses the themes of this research. Transformative modalities similar to the ones used in this study would be incorporated.
The learnings from the study could also have implications for clinicians. While it is common knowledge that women’s lives are affected by patriarchy, it is less understood that women are influenced not only by the current cultural context, or the one of their upbringing, but by the societal messages of their mother’s childhood generation. Krueger announces,
If helplessness and vulnerability are reinforced by means of the invisible chains the mother experiences from her own childhood, it becomes especially difficult for her daughter to not experience the same invisible chains.7
This is an important area of inquiry that might be overlooked within the therapeutic container.
119
CHAPTER 4
LEARNINGS
Introduction and Overview
This inquiry was designed to explore the Research Problem: What imaginal structures arise for women as they engage their calling? It was hypothesized that women who are challenged in engaging their calling have a deficient relationship with the positive aspects of the Mother and Father face of the Friend. The topic of destiny was central to the study and was investigated from an eco-psychological perspective.
Cumulative Learning: Her Earth Body Retrieved, Her Calling Awakened
The retrieval of the instinctual body within the context of community and nature functions to free women from affective barriers, allowing more ease in claiming one’s calling as both process and product. The research revealed that the paralyzing grip of affects that hold women back from more fully engaging their calling, such as fear, guilt and shame, were significantly loosened when the Mother and Father faces of the Friend were engaged in a nature-based women’s circle.
Five learnings were derived from the research data that was collected and analyzed. Learning One, Destiny through Nature Colored Glasses, proposes that in relation to destiny, cultural reference points breed fixed and product oriented views of the self, while nature generates a more fluid and process oriented view. This finding was based on participants’ screening interviews, the energetic and symbolic conversation they 120 had with nature regarding their calling, and subsequent expression via movement, and speech. Participants’ experience revealed a dichotomous relationship with destiny depending on whether their reference point was culture or nature based.
Learning Two, When Calling is Held Hostage, proposes that women are prone to becoming paralyzed in relation to their calling when challenged to take risks that require a greater valuing of themselves, their dreams, and their needs. Participants’ fear in relation to their calling was analyzed via symbolic imagery, drawing, and journaling.
Learning Three, Shame as a Portal to Destiny, proposes that participants’ obstacles were rooted in shame which inhibited them from expressing their authentic gifts in the world, for fear of re-experiencing childhood wounding. This learning was derived from journaling questions related to the obstacle to one’s calling. Participants shared stories from their childhoods, both in familial as well as institutional settings, almost all of which indicated that shame played a significant role in relation to their obstacles.
Learning Four, Wild Loss Grieved Feeds the Soil of Calling, proposes that suppressed grief can block calling and lead to isolation, whereas grief and longing that is named and expressed within a collective can facilitate women reclaiming their instinctual energies, which supports calling. This learning was culled from the, as if living your calling exercise, on the first day of research, and the writing and discussion from the second day, in which participants identified key moments, and offered feedback to initial interpretations.
Learning Five, Intimacy with Nature and the Inner Marriage, proposes that women who are blocked in their calling as a result of a deficient relationship with the feminine and masculine principles can develop capacities of both, through engaging their 121 ecological imagination. This learning is based on participants’ conversations with the earth in relation to their calling, and obstacle. It was apparent that from participants’ experience that a lack of the Mother and Father face of the Friend negatively impacted their sense of self in the world.
The Learnings presented in this chapter are from the six following perspectives: a description of what happened, how the researchers were affected, the researchers’ imaginal structures, theoretical concepts assisting in the interpretations, interpretations of what happened, and validity considerations. Imaginal structures, in Imaginal Inquiry research methodology created by Omer, are defined as sensory, affective and cognitive aspects of experience that form into images.1 Omer explains that these images both mediate and constitute experience and are influenced by personal, cultural, and archetypal threads of experience. He contends that imaginal structures are transmuted into capacities, via the expression of affect.
In this dissertation, validity relates to issues of truth and knowledge. Validity is assured through trustworthiness, plausibility, and credibility of the inquiry and is addressed by accounting for researchers’ and participants’ combined experience.
Learning One: Looking at Destiny through Nature-Colored Glasses
Learning One proposes that in relation to destiny, cultural reference points breed fixed and product oriented views of the self, while nature generates a more fluid and process oriented view. This learning addresses a split within participants’ experience of their calling. From the data collected, it is evident that identification with culture results in a more fixed identity, while identification with nature yields a more fluid identity. 122 What Happened
In the screening interviews participants were asked what interested them about the study, and what calling had been difficult to bring to fruition. They were also asked about their relationship with nature. All but one of the participants named a specific calling that evoked challenge. The callings mentioned were: filmmaking, national park service, media production, shamanic work, writing and doing healing work, creating a healing center and Tibetan Buddhism.
On the first day of the research, the process consisted of participants gathering in a circle surrounded by redwoods and hiking paths where they were invited to bring their attention to impressions entering through their five senses, and through more subtle channels. They were then encouraged to let the earth guide them to a symbol of their calling. Participants returned with their nature symbols, moving more slowly than when they had departed. They were asked to respond to questions in writing, regarding what the earth was communicating to them about their calling.
Upon completion of writing, participants then shared their symbols, and meanings gleaned from the experience. The group then returned to the indoor location, and gathered in a semi-circle, where they allowed their calling, as informed by nature to express through them via movement and sound followed by a phrase. After each person expressed their calling, the group responded through movement and sound. One after the other, with the exception of Naomi who initially passed, each person stood in front of the group and spoke with an immediacy of speech, a clarity of thought, and a reduction in fidgeting. 123 During the phone screening, Bernadette (pseudonym) described her biggest obstacle as a “lack of basic trust in the universe.” Although she was educated in film and had spent many years involved in a spiritual school, she described being “stuck.” Being a film producer was one of the aspects of her calling that was challenging to bring to fruition. In response to the question about her relationship to nature, she mentioned overlooking it in her daily life, and feeling anxious before being able to relax into a natural setting.
This challenge in initially connecting with nature was revealed during the first meeting. Bernadette remained closest to the picnic tables, from where the group dispersed to seek their nature symbols of calling. She was also in great physical pain that she named as a chronic issue. She did however eventually relax into the exercise:
I wasn’t feeling connected to the earth. The question almost seemed like: What, the earth is talking to me? Then I sat with the question, and realized what an amazing resource that would be, that I could actually have this much support.
She then revealed, with a sense of surprise, that the decomposing bird she stumbled upon was a symbol of her tendency to over give, at great expense to her own emotional and physical health. She realized at that moment that her health had to become her main priority.
During the expression of calling, Bernadette came before the group, and spoke as if making a proclamation. She projected her voice saying, “Ease” and began to move in a circular motion, spinning at a steady and even pace. She gently carved circles and arcs on the ground, as she extended her arms and moved them fluidly up and down. She ended with both arms up above her, moving until her hands encircled each other. 124 Molly (pseudonym) described fear as her biggest obstacle during her phone interview. Although she wished to start a healing center, she had a gnawing feeling that she was lacking something. She felt she knew what she needed to be doing, but was stopped by an inner obstacle. She described nature as a place where she found balance.
Once on the land, Molly was drawn to a feather as symbolic of her calling. She gently caressed it, as she disclosed having a strong connection to birds, which gave her the sense that finding the feather was synchronistic. She stated in a strong clear voice, as she looked at the other participants, “I see my calling as freedom.”
Once indoors, Molly spoke with a firm and yet pleading tone, “I just want to be free.” Her facial musculature softened as she began to spin and hum, leaping periodically with her arms extended to her sides moving up and down, as would a bird.
Laurel (pseudonym) described herself as self-conscious and insecure, and stated that her main obstacle was a “fear of shining and being in the spotlight.” She felt she lacked courage and boldness in relation to her creative multi-media productions. In response to a question regarding nature, she described, “getting a lot out of it.”
Once outdoors, Laurel found a sticker of a blue eyeball as her symbol of calling.
Like Molly, she believed this to be synchronistic. She explained in an excited and quickened voice, and with wide eyes, “This is totally amazing…my profile picture… since I got on line 10 years ago, has been a huge picture of my blue eye.” For her, this symbol affirmed her love of beauty and honored her “vision, on every level.”
Reminiscent of others, Laurel’s movement also included spinning, and the raising of her arms in the air. She began with the phrase, “I make magic with sound…[not audible] …and with life.” Although she too, spoke without hesitation, her voice was not 125 fully audible. She ended by leaning over, hands in a prayer position in front of her heart, at which point the group applauded and Laurel quickly returned to the circle.
During the phone screening, Naomi (pseudonym) said she had not “allowed” herself to follow her calling. She felt that after raising her children, it was now time to put herself first, but she found it difficult. She dreamed of going back to Alaska and devoting herself to the national park service full time, rather than for summers only. She explained that nature was the primary way her soul was fed.
During the outdoor portion of the research, Naomi spoke in a rhythmic tone, as she described the growth cycle of a fallen leaf: “The life of a leaf is very short in the grand scheme. It begins in the spring as a bud, opens to the sunshine and rain, grows in size and becomes more and more green.” She later made the parallel between the leaf and her own limited life cycle, which strengthened her resolve to pursue her dream. Rather than being trapped by guilt, she described a shift: “I have been able to tap into excitement and joy which I believe I will embrace when I take the risk to follow my calling.”
Naomi, who initially passed in the circle of expression, did not hesitate when her turn came around again. She raised her arms high, and spoke in a louder voice than she had previously, “Let me emerge from the confinement of guilt and embrace the light.”
She began her movements curled close to the ground, and then gradually raised her arms outward and upward.
Cynthia (pseudonym), a Buddhist practitioner who longed to leave her esteemed research position to immerse herself in Tibetan Buddhism described feeling nervous and internally conflicted on the phone. When asked what her biggest obstacle was, she said it was herself, as well as a lack of confidence. She described nature as healing. 126 Her symbol of calling was a falling leaf. On the land, she received the teaching to trust in the process of letting go, as it is a principle of nature, not a failure that things come to an end. She heard, “You are part of this grand process.”
In the circle of expressing calling, Cynthia proclaimed with a gentle and yet definitive tone, “Sit like a tree.” She moved to the floor in gestures of prostration, bowing her head to the ground. Her complexion took on a reddish tone as she began to cry. She brought her hands together in front of her chest, and sat in a lotus position while gazing in a meditative manner. Her breathing, which was deep with emotion, gradually became slower and calmer until she reached a place of stillness.
On the phone, Martina (pseudonym), conveyed wanting to heal her life and follow her passion of shamanism, but felt blocked. She described her obstacle as a lack of self- worth. For her nature was sacred and healing. On the land, she was drawn to a rock and moss as symbols of her calling. She felt them to be saying, “They know their calling.
Know that with perseverance, you will become rooted in your calling.” In the circle of expression, she sang “I am love” in increasing volume and clarity of voice.
Ariana (pseudonym), who suffered from chronic fatigue syndrome for nearly two decades, described her obstacle during the initial interview, as an irrational fear that if she stepped into the world, she would get hurt. She also mentioned that nature was a source of peace and healing for her. She had many dreams, one of which was to write a book.
During the outdoor portion of the research, she was drawn to a bundle of pine needles as her symbol of calling, which reminded her of her childhood in the Midwest and the evergreens that were green throughout the winter. She reported receiving a message 127 about steady energy and exchanging energy back and forth with the earth, which she felt related to her chronic illness.
When Ariana entered the expression circle, she stated firmly, “I will give what I can, when I can, and go into bliss as much as I can.” She then closed her eyes, and smiled as she raised her hands above her head taking a deep breath. Placing her hands together, as if in prayer, she looked slowly around the circle, into each person’s eyes ending by closing her eyes, and raising her arms again to the sky.
Julianna (pseudonym) spoke on the phone about a lack of clarity about her calling, knowing only that she longed to be of service. She found her drive toward detail and efficiency to be her greatest obstacle. As she spoke of her relationship to nature, she became more animated in speech, commenting that she would like to spend more time outdoors to explore her experience of subtle energy with plants. During the outdoor aspect of the research, Julianna was drawn to a piece of bark as the symbol of calling; this drew out her tendency to pay attention to detail in a different way than described on the phone: “There are universes within universes waiting to be discovered.”
When invited to express her calling as informed by nature, Julianna entered the circle first. She looked at the group with a steady gaze, and spoke in a calm, affirmative tone, “I am present.” She crouched down toward the ground, sweeping her arms, as if gathering something from the earth. Looking up, she sang a higher and higher note, while extending her arms upward.
128 How I Was Affected
During the expression of calling through movement, sound and a phrase, I felt excited and surprised by the quality of speech that was arising as people allowed their calling to express through them. The lack of hesitation to speak, the succinctness of every participant’s declaration, and the degree of expressiveness in both sound and movement brought me to a state of attention. My co-researchers also described feeling at peak attention during this aspect, as well as surprised and touched by the clarity and expressiveness of the participants. We all felt joy in witnessing their increased aliveness.
Imaginal Structures in Use
I have an imaginal structure that became activated during the screening interview with Cynthia. When I asked her, what calling had been challenging for her to bring to fruition, she responded by saying, “Immersing myself more in Tibetan Buddhist practices.” I felt shock and was immediately prepared to dismiss her as a participant based on a belief that fulfilling one’s destiny is about doing, not about being.
A similar reaction arose when Ariana spoke into the circle, “I will give what I can, when I can, and go into bliss as much as I can.” The same imaginal structure was again activated which was steeped in the worldview that: pleasure is not acceptable, one has to work hard, and be engaged in concrete actions in order to prove one’s worth, one must make a mark on the world, and repent for one’s humanness.
Both of these reactions come from a structure that feels rigid. If I embody it, I feel my lips become tense, my back straight and immobile. I feel like a strict school teacher 129 who is speaking in a harsh voice saying, “This is not all about fun and games. You need to show your worth. There is no resting on laurels here. In fact, there is no resting at all.”
Theoretical Concepts Upon Which Interpretations Are Based
Jung’s concept of individuation parallels the idea of destiny. He defines it as a developmental stage attained by inner work and marked by coming into “wholeness” or uniqueness.2 Hillman points to characteristics of destiny as: “hints, intuitions, whispers, and sudden urges.” 3 Linking destiny to nature’s intelligence, he draws on the metaphor of an acorn to illustrate the soul’s initially hidden potential that emerges according to an invisible pattern.
May, Meade, Plotkin, and Somé understand destiny as a process, having roots in the natural world. May describes it as “the design of the universe speaking through the design of each one of us.” 4 Meade also perceives destiny as an expression of larger forces, commenting that as children of the earth we are a reflection of her.5 He likens gold to our inner gifts, and fire to the creativity that brings those into the world. Plotkin agrees that nature and destiny are interwoven, maintaining that it is by means of a deep and transformative experience with nature that the pattern one carries is revealed as destiny.6 Somé shares that in his African tribe, it is understood that destiny resides within the soul before birth, and that in order to stay in contact with one’s calling, it is imperative to remain intimate with nature.7
Sardello who confers that destiny is a process, sees it as an expression of Sophia, the soul of the world, arising uniquely in each individual.8 It is through her that the 130 individual finds the interconnection between one’s destiny, the earth, the cosmos, and humanity. Omer shares a similar view of the fluid nature of destiny, describing it as a way of relating to the future, through responsive creativity.9
Many theorists discern between two aspects of self, one that is informed by, and deeply embedded in the natural world, and one that is shaped by cultural influences.
Naess employs the term ecological self to indicate a stage of human development that is marked by identification that extends beyond the boundaries of culture and into the domain of nature.10 Plotkin builds on this idea by using the term ego-centric and eco- centric.11 He acknowledges the tension between culture and nature, asserting that as one matures, one must ultimately find a way to bridge the two.12
Berry and May both acknowledge nature and culture as primary forces related to destiny. Berry refers to these two influences as genetic encoding and cultural encoding, claiming that until we discover and connect with the earth, the cosmos and the yearnings of our soul, we remain strangers to ourselves.13 May describes various levels of destiny, beginning with cosmic and genetic, and ending with cultural and circumstantial.14
May, Somé and Sardello bring attention to cultural conditioning as a potential obstacle to embodying destiny. May comments that it is necessary to wake up out of conditioned states in order to re-attune to destiny and its unfolding.15 Sardello highlights familial and religious influences, as potential barriers to aligning with purpose.16 And
Somé exhorts that culture can inhibit the clear memory of one’s purpose, recommending rituals in nature to support deep remembrance.17 Omer also speaks of the restrictive influence of culture, referencing the term, cultural gatekeeping to identify the 131 embodiment of this experience.18 He explains that gatekeeping limits one’s experience as a means of avoiding the transgression of cultural norms.
According to Chopra, the need for labels is related to the goal oriented nature of our modern society; he warns this is not the level at which the soul unfolds.19 He contests that, defining oneself by a career can lead to feeling blocked, whereas focusing on deeper patterns such as archetypes, allows for a more open ended exploration in which synchronicities are more readily recognized and followed.
My Interpretations of What Happened
Learning One proposes that in relation to destiny, cultural reference points breed fixed and product oriented views of the self, while nature generates a more fluid and process oriented view. Whereas culture requires labels and definitions, nature invites being and becoming. This can also be understood as a shift from ego to soul, or from ego to eco-centric. This learning was based on participants’ screening interviews, the sharing of their symbols from nature that represented their calling and, the expression of their calling through movement and sound.
It is interpreted that participants began the process of inquiry into calling from the reference point of culture, based on their screening interviews. All but one person illustrated their calling as a specific job description, skill, or a definable form, and used the words, blocked, stuck, uncertain and fearful to describe their relationship to their calling. Conversely, during the expression of calling, as informed by nature, during which time participants were given an opportunity to shift their perceptual lenses, they spoke with an unwavering clarity and presence. 132 It is also interpreted that participants’ reference points shifted to a nature- based one, as evidenced by the fact that, all participants expressed their calling using words, movement and imagery that mirrored nature, and almost universally, by the absence of any references to jobs, skills, degrees, or specific forms. This is not to infer that the shift in perception was somehow permanent, but rather to demonstrate the influence of nature on the perception of calling, and the potential there within.
By accessing and engaging nature imagery, participants were able to experience their callings as an expression of the natural world. This was expressed almost unanimously through movements found in nature such as spinning, arcs, and circular movements. In addition, movements that began low, close to the earth, and ended high, often with arms raised to the sky reflected the growth pattern of plants. Most participants’ symbols came from trees, and similarly most of the their movements reflected the telos of plants.
Julianna began her movements low to the earth and ended with her arms to the sky indicating an attunement to nature that allowed her to move from her lack of clarity about her calling as was expressed in her screening interview, to the embracing of an essential state as an expression of her calling. This was heard in her calm and centered declaration, “I am present.”
Naomi who expressed not having “allowed” herself to follow her calling during the initial screening, began her movement close to the ground, and steadily made her way to a gesture of outstretched arms reaching to the sky. Her verbal expression, “Let me emerge from the confinement of guilt and embrace the light” is reminiscent of the process 133 a seed goes through in emerging from the dark confines of its shell to eventually come in contact with the light and its own capacity to grow skyward.
Ariana, whose symbol was a bundle of pine needles also ended with her arms to the sky and referred to the essential state of bliss when speaking of her calling, whereas in her interview she spoke of fear in relation to being visible in the roles of writer and healer.
Bernadette had found a dead bird on her symbol search. When given the opportunity to express her calling after having been informed by the outdoors, she too demonstrated an attunement to nature, and perhaps to her true nature, as she spoke the word, “Ease” and then extended her arms in movement that resembled the flight of a bird.
This was accompanied by other movement found in nature such as circular, and arcing movements, which she made with her pointed toe across the surface of the floor.
Molly’s symbol, a feather, came from the winged ones as well. She spoke to the essential state of freedom, in her exclamation, “I just want to be free.” As did
Bernadette’s, her movements reflected what she had contacted in nature, as she moved in circular motions and extended her arms to her sides, rhythmically alternating up and down like a free bird might. This, clearly contrasted the sense of fear she related in her interview when trying to move toward her dream of creating a healing center.
Cynthia brought back a leaf as her symbol, and like other participants, her expression reflected this communion with nature. She began with the words, “Sit like a tree.” Although her movements might be considered culturally based, as being influenced by her spiritual practices, such as meditation, prostrating, and prayer, she eventually 134 reached a place of stillness in the end, which at its source can also be understood as a reflection of nature. This is reflected in her phrase, sit like a tree.
In addition, two participants experienced synchronistic events indicating a shift from culture to nature, or from a fixed and product oriented perspective, to a fluid and process oriented one. This allowed for a non-linear conversation with unseen forces that supported growing awareness of their essential nature and gifts.
Validity Considerations
One aspect of validity is authenticity, which can be verified by examining the degree of parallels and differences experienced in the inter-subjective field. As such, my co-researchers and I all agreed on a central key moment, which was the expression of calling. We unanimously experienced increased levels of interest and excitement, as we witnessed what we viewed as the highest degree of unrestricted expression, namely participants vibrantly moving, singing, and speaking in relation to their calling as informed by nature. In addition, inter-subjectivity as a measure of validity is strengthened when the input of co-researchers, and participants correlate not only to each other, but also to relevant theoretical material. In addition to the researchers, two participants also named this as one of their key moments, while others indicated in more general terms that allowing the body, rather than the mind to lead was very helpful to their inquiry process.
These perceptions were strengthened by Plotkin’s concept of the eco-centric identity.
Learning Two: When Calling is Held Hostage
Learning Two proposes that women are prone to becoming paralyzed in relation to their calling when challenged to take risks that require a greater valuing of themselves, 135 their dreams, and their needs. This in turn has an impact on the degree to which women are able to give themselves permission to pursue their calling. From the data interpretations, it is apparent that this paralysis is correlated to fear, as experienced within families of origin, as well as the influence of the masculine defined culture of success.
What Happened
The data analyzed in this learning was collected at two separate locations by evoking the participants’ experience of their obstacle. At an indoor location, participants shared a symbol of their obstacle brought from home, drew the relationship between the obstacle and calling and then shared about the process. All participants engaged the drawing exercise without hesitation. In four of the drawings, divisions or splits appeared.
After drawing, participants journaled about whom had most inhibited and supported their dreams in childhood, and then wrote a letter from the child self to their adult.
Julianna felt that her mother inhibited her dreams as a child by dismissing her interests and expressing annoyance with her needs, and slower pace. She began at the altar of obstacles by presenting a calculator that represented her relationship with structure. She complained of being a “taskmaster” in her family, lamenting the way this seemed to take her over. Her drawing relating the obstacle and calling, was of a tree that she informed the group, also represented her body. To depict her deep concern about commercialism taking people away from their spiritual nature, she drew a saw, “that literally cuts into the tree.” 136
Illustration 1 – Julianna: Her Body Like A Tree
Cynthia described her parents as fearful, and believed that they inhibited her dreams by being over protective. In the letter from her child self, she expressed desperation for approval and connection, and the desire to please. At the altar of obstacles, Cynthia took out a stack of research papers. She described her struggle of trying to prove the value of meditation through culturally sanctioned methods, stating, “If
I can make it legitimate in society scientifically and show the benefits, then it won’t seem as wild or crazy. Then I can go off and do my practice full time.”
In her drawing, she depicted her self-doubt by drawing a grey cloud. Her central image was a human figure divided in two, with a bald headed monk on the left side of the body, and a professionally dressed person on the right. Cynthia began by describing the left side:
I am wearing the Tibetan robes and I have a smile. I am very peaceful and feeling very free…the other half of me is wearing work clothes, and is more structured, 137 formal, playing by the rules, and doing what is expected of me… I wrote, “Ph.D., experts, know, read, in charge, prove, publish.”…I feel trapped.
She stated the belief that by doing what others think she should do, she maintains connection.
Illustration 2 – Cynthia: Her Body Split Down The Middle
Molly also described her parents as very fearful, and spoke of how they unintentionally created a very “confining life” for her as a child. At the altar of obstacles, she brought an empty coke can to represent both her outer veneer of appearing full, and her inner sense of emptiness. She lifted the can showing the group that it appeared full, and then tossed it to the ground, demonstrating that it was in fact empty. She then made a parallel, “I feel like on the outside I have this degree…but on the inside I just don’t have 138 the value I need to move forward.” When sharing her drawing, she described how she had drawn beautiful bright colors at first, and then proceeded to cover them with black.
This represented the ways in which she inhibited her own life out of fear.
Illustration 3 – Molly: Her Dreams Covered In Black
Bernadette remarked that her mother expected all the children to be the same, which made it very frightening to do anything different. Without offering details, she confessed that at times her sister was afraid that her mother might literally kill
Bernadette. In addition, she shared that her father assisted only the boys with higher education. At the altar, she brought a symbol of a design of interlocking lines that represented constantly bumping into barriers, which she felt was due to deeply engrained stories from her past. Her voice became shaky, as she became more expressive, “Why did
God give me these gifts to create, and then not help me make it…to go the distance?” 139 Bernadette, who described her obstacle as the “fear of being big and powerful” drew an arrow that divided the curved vertical shapes that she explained represented herself. She expressed anger as she explored her obstacle:
I often find myself as a catalytic figure…expending a lot of energy, carrying a lot of people…At times it comes from a genuine intuitive place…but then it also has a weight and jaggedness to it…Just because I am the original conduit doesn’t mean that I should have to hold it by myself. It’s fucking lonely and I hate it!
Bernadette was one of a few who expressed anger during the research.
Illustration 4 – Bernadette: Her Energy Body Cut Through By An Arrow
Martina felt that her mother was “always holding her back,” describing numerous occasions when her mother’s fear inhibited Martina from engaging the world more fully.
As her child self, she described feeling ashamed of her mother. As she began to speak at the altar, she looked into my eyes, pausing, and then stating, “This is hard.” She laughed somewhat nervously as she confessed, in tears, that she was a closet smoker. In a quivering voice she divulged to the group, the deeper meanings of her smoking. “It’s not 140 just the cigarettes, it’s the negative self talk, feeling sorry for myself, hiding, isolating from the world.” She spoke of wanting to use the substance of her addiction in a healing, rather than harmful manner. This translated into her drawing in which she drew the back of a female holding up a pipe in prayer. Although she did not mention it, the belt in the drawing, graphically divided her upper and lower body. This could be understood as the divide she experienced between this earthly realm where tobacco was an addiction and the realm of spirit she longed for. Her final comment was, “Fear kept me in my comfort zone.”
Illustration 5 – Martina: Her Addicted Body Yearns For The Sacred
141 Ariana felt that both her parents inhibited her dreams through their abusive and neglectful behavior. She also mentioned that if they felt any envy, they would criticize her. In her letter from the child, she wrote, “Fuck the past, it’s over.” As her symbol, she brought the Nike logo, “Just do it.” She too became visibly emotional, as she shared impressions of past lives, including one of a forced clitorectomy. She divulged,
“God, I feel like crying…there is such a feeling that if I put myself out in the world, even people who have good intentions for me could hurt me.” In her drawing, Ariana depicted herself in a floating bed with Chronic Fatigue surrounded by images of her calling. She named fear as her primary obstacle, citing the examples: “Not achieving my potential, public humiliation, looking foolish and dumb…failure, and scorn.”
Illustration 6 – Ariana: Her Body Floats Among Her Dreams
Laurel described her father’s focus on money, business, organization, and structure as a primary inhibitor of her following her dreams. She also recognized, that as 142 an adult she now feels the need for some of these qualities. Her child self-desired to be loved unconditionally. At the altar, she shared that her main obstacle was fear and hiding, which she symbolized with a shell. She also named, fear of disappointing others, and herself due to “massively high standards” and laziness. In her drawing, she drew herself as a star with a ball and chain attached to the lower point. Describing her process, she noted:
Instead of radiating and expressing, I just found myself putting these things [ball and chain] that I feel somehow dampens me in some way. I was trying to form roots but it was just concrete, sidewalk and instead of feeling grounded, I feel heavy or weighted down…I have an eye for my vision but there are clouds around it.
Laurel commented that as a child who changed schools often, she learned to adapt by responding to external demands, rather than by staying true to her own experience.
Illustration 7 – Laurel: Her Dreams Weighed Down
Naomi described her mother as loving, but unable to support her desire to become a scientist, since she had not been supported that way herself. Her father was 143 unpredictable, and taught her that the world was a “dangerous place.” At the altar,
Naomi began by bluntly stating, “My obstacle is my family: my dog, my mother and my kids…it makes me feel like a terrible person that I go away.” She described feeling guilty as a daughter, and as a parent, for her longing to engage her profession as a park ranger.
She qualified by explaining that in fact, her children were grown, and although her mother was getting older, she was not yet dependent. During the art exercise, Naomi drew a heart with jagged lines dividing it down the center, which she surrounded with the color grey.
This is me, with a uniform on at the edge of an active volcano looking at its magnificence, but here crowding me are my obsessive thoughts about leaving my family…It is like a broken heart…and it says guilt, financial burden, responsibility.
She described her obstacle as keeping her beholden to others whether they needed her or not.
Illustration 8 – Naomi: Her Obstacle As Large As A Volcano
144 How I Was Affected
I felt moved by Martina’s direct gaze into my eyes before she revealed her secret addiction. I felt sad and compassionate when Molly tossed the empty coke can on the ground as an expression of her own lack of substance and worth. This reminded me of how I have felt about myself at times. I was surprised when Naomi so bluntly named her family as her obstacle. It felt taboo to me, and I was aware of a sense of startle. I was also affected by a dynamic that took place between one of the co-researchers and myself.
While participants were drawing, I became highly critical of her actions, all of which I perceived to be disruptive, even though her intention was to be helpful.
Imaginal Structures in Use
I carry an imaginal structure that became activated during the period in which the participants were drawing the relationship between their calling and their obstacle. This structure is related to power and authority. I found myself feeling highly critical of my co-researcher and honing in on imperfections. Through this lens, I perceived her as incompetent, and myself as competent. This is related to my tendency to want to crush other female’s attempts to embody roles of authority when I sense the slightest insecurities. This is reflective of the harshness I have directed at myself when risking leadership.
This structure is sadistically cruel. It feels larger than life. As I experience myself somatically, my energy expands beyond the boundaries of my body, with the intent to loom over others in order to make them feel inconsequential. It peers down at them saying, “You are nothing. Each attempt you make to exist, to be competent is pathetic. 145 You are pathetic. I have nothing but distaste for your very existence. I will never let you feel worthy.”
I also noticed an Imaginal Structure that felt relieved to hear participants’ own insecurities and struggles. I felt less alone. The structure feels young, isolated, and sad. It looks up from a tilted down head, and says, “Really, you feel that way too? I’m not the only one? If you feel stupid, and I know you are not, then maybe I am not…If you feel like you are empty even though you’ve been educated, then maybe I am not…If you feel like you have to prove yourself to do what you really want, and are questioning that, maybe I can too.”
Theoretical Concepts Upon Which Interpretations Are Based
The creation of an identity is central to the exploration of women in relation to self, other and the world. Omer, who sees identity as being shaped by biographical, cultural, and archetypal influences, speaks of imaginal structures that coalesce around cognitive, affective and somatic experience.20 He explains that these “constellate into images which both mediate and constitute experience.” Erikson conceptualizes identity as the confluence of self and world.21 He bases his theory on the newly autonomous male adolescent, and the process of branching out into the world.
Murdock points out that success too has been defined by the male experience.22
She remarks that value continues to be conferred upon a limited range of people, roles, and actions, extrapolating,
Male norms have become the social standard for leadership, personal autonomy, and success…and in comparison women find themselves perceived as lacking in competence, intelligence and power.23
As a result girls may look to their fathers to comprehend the meaning of success, often at 146 the expensive of valuing the mother, and ultimately, the feminine.
In addition, Murdock educates that the mother archetype has two poles: the all providing mother, and the cruel mother, both of which arise out of primal experiences of dependency during infancy.24 She explains that daughters who unconsciously react to their mother’s failings, internalize the negative mother, and may seek masculinity as an alternative. She describes, “A young girl looks to her mother for clues as to what it means to be a woman, and if her mother is powerless the daughter feels humiliated about being female.” 25 She reminds that, daughters do not always have the benefit of the larger perspective of her mother’s life experience in relation to historical context, and family of origin.
Murdock describes the limited choices women imagine for themselves: either they succumb to the cultural definition of success and deny their own authenticity, or they listen to their deeper voice of the feminine and risk feeling invisible, and unworthy.
She reveals that, “When the unconscious masculine takes over, a woman may feel that no matter what she does or how she does it, it is never enough.” 26 She adds that it takes courage to let go of the masculine paradigm, and engage what she calls the heroine’s journey, which is not a quest for power or prestige, but rather for wholeness.27
Omer utilizes the term cultural gatekeeping to refer to the impact that societal norms and taboos have on one’s psyche, noting that all cultures, including family cultures, have areas of experience that are deemed off limits.28 Omer posits that individuals can function as cultural gatekeepers who restrict experience, while cultural leaders support the “deepening and diversification of experience.” 29 He draws a parallel 147 between gatekeeping, and the Shadow aspect of the Mother, which he describes as fostering the suppression or repression of experience.30
Josselson, Belenky et al., Miller, and Gilligan investigate identity, theorizing that women’s development is more relationally based than men’s, thus impacting women’s sense of self. According to Belenky et al, “separation and individuation can leave a woman feeling vulnerable and unconnected.” 31 Miller explains that, for women, disturbances in the equilibrium of relationship can be experienced as a loss of self.32
Josselson reveals the correlation between a woman’s ability to take action congruent with her values and interests, and her capacity to withstand the process of individuation.33 Acknowledging the complexity women face in forging identity, due to their relational nature, she considers those who are able to “combine self-in-world and self-in-relationship” as having attained a more cohesive identity.34
Bridging the issue of self and other, and self and world, Ruderman believes it is, the often deep and unrecognized fear of loss of connection with one’s mother that causes women to inhibit their own experience of success.35 Krueger confirms that a women’s fear of success is inextricably bound to her experience of individuation from her mother.36 He proposes some examples of fear of success are low self-esteem and subsequent attempts to compensate for it, feeling like an imposter, procrastination, the inability to accept positive feedback, difficulty completing projects, focusing on unessential aspects of projects thus undermining one’s work, seeing oneself as incapable, and the fear of visibility rooted in the belief that one’s inadequacies will be revealed.37
Griffin looks in the shadows to understand women’s fear. She discusses rape as a mode of censorship, noting the parallels between the desire to overpower women and to 148 conquer nature, as two aspects of the same fearful mindset.38 Omer refers to the internalization of these influences as cultural gatekeeping which results from less than optimal personal, as well as cultural experiences, resulting in the suppression of one’s direct experience.39
My Interpretations of What Happened
Through interpreting and analyzing participants’ experience Learning Two emerged: Women are prone to becoming paralyzed in relation to their calling when challenged to take risks that require a greater valuing of themselves, their dreams, and their needs. This paralysis, which was strongly influenced by masculine definitions of success, as well as family influences, manifested along two axis: self-world, and self- other.
Within the self -world axis women have been conditioned to experience the world as unwelcoming and unsafe, thus inhibiting impulses to enter and express authentically in the world. This conditioning could be seen in participants’ cognitive beliefs that their desires were crazy, they had to prove their own inherent value, as well as the validity of their values, risking visibility could result in harm, and one must play by the rules.
Affectively speaking, conditioning was seen in the shared experience of fear and shame, as well as frustration, self-pity, and helplessness. Participants reported somatic experiences of fatigue, weight and of being split or divided.
Bernadette and Molly demonstrated a distortion of self-perception common in women where self- value is diminished regardless of success in the world. Bernadette experienced a split in relation to the self- world axis, as seen in her fear of being “big and 149 powerful.” Ironically, she would likely be described my many as just that, in that she organizes large events as well as produces films. Molly too deemed her own value as insufficient, despite the fact that she had obtained the degree she had imagined would make her feel worthy enough to move into the world.
It is worthy to note that more than half of the symbols brought from home to represent participants’ obstacles were derived from the culture and often represented masculine values: a calculator, research papers, a coke can, and the corporate logo, “just do it.”
Along the self-other axis, women have been conditioned to put the needs of others before their own needs and wants. This was seen in participants’ cognitive beliefs of being selfish and responsible for others, and in the reporting of related obsessive thoughts and doubts. Participants reported affects of resentment, anger, fear, and guilt, along with somatic experiences of being split, weighted down, and fatigued when considering acting on behalf of their calling.
The experience of being split in relation to the self-other axis appeared in three of the drawings of participants. A fourth participant also demonstrated the theme of splitting in her drawing, however the meaning of the split was not clear. Naomi expressed a split between a longing to be a park ranger, and her sense of responsibility to family members.
Her guilt for wanting to follow her dream, kept her paralyzed from taking action, as did her sense of burden and responsibility. This split was evident in her depiction of a jagged heart broken in two, surrounded by a grey cloud.
Cynthia also experienced a split in relation to the self-other axis. She described the need to take care of her parents, by remaining nearby, despite the fact that her longing 150 was to immerse herself in Tibetan Buddhism in Nepal. Her drawing revealed a strong split between the right and left sides of her body. Her inner critic demanded that she prove herself based on traditionally masculine values, as can be seen in the words written on the professional side of her drawing: “Ph.D., experts, know, read, in charge, prove publish.” As a result, her longing to practice Buddhism full time in a nunnery, which represents the feminine value of Being and community, remained painfully latent.
Bernadette also demonstrated a self-other split in her art. She described carrying people on her energy and the sacrifices she makes that lead to extreme physical pain, as she pointed to a blue arrow that had numerous stick figures standing on it. The arrow also functioned to sever the wave of energy that was rising from the ground up, presumably her own.
Laurel’s childhood survival strategy of responding to external, rather than internal cues reflected conflict along the self-other axis. Martina’s art revealed an upper and lower body split. And although she did not speak directly to this divide, she did speak of wanting to heal herself before she attempted to heal others.
Participants may have also experienced paralysis along both the self-world and self-other axis due to a conflicted relationship with their mothers. Although they each described the need to follow their own interests, they may have also held the belief that to do so would be abandoning, rejecting or surpassing their mothers. Both Cynthia and
Naomi illustrated this in their simultaneous fear and desire to engage non-traditional pursuits, which would alter their feminine identity as caretakers, and thus create further differentiation from their mothers. 151 In addition, all participants described aspects of their mother that fit the negative mother archetype. Bernadette and Ariana were the most potent examples,
Bernadette in her description of her sister’s fear that her mother would literally kill
Bernadette, and Ariana in her account of abuse, neglect and cruelty due to envy.
Participants on the whole, fit the description of women whom attempt to differentiate from their mothers, and yet find themselves blocked.
Looking deeper, one can see a struggle in relation to the feminine principle.
Participants exhibited a rejection of the negative, and disempowered aspects of the feminine such as they witnessed in their mothers, and yet they also seemed determined to turn towards their authentic desires. Accessing, and honoring these longings reveals the process of reclaiming the deep feminine.
In summary, one of the primary ways participants stopped themselves from engaging their calling was through paralysis by fear. Fears ranged from fear of being powerful and successful, to the opposite spectrum, such as fears of not achieving one’s potential, being publicly humiliated, being hurt if one risked visibility, and having disaster befall one’s family if vigilance were not maintained.
Validity Considerations
Validity is strengthened when all aspects of the inter-subjective field are taken into account. This is addressed in part by researchers sharing reactions and working out parallels and differences, as well as by asking participants to communicate their perception of key moments, and engaging them in dialogue in relation to preliminary learnings. This learning incorporated the field in the following ways: 1) My co- 152 researchers and I were all able to identify our own imaginal structures by tracking our reactions. For example, Laura described the need to be perfect, Shira named the belief,
“You don’t show anxiety if you are professional,” and I spoke of my need for things to appear seamless, for fear of my insecurities being revealed. These closely resembled participants’ descriptions of similar inhibitions, such as the fear of inadequacy. In addition, affective states experienced within and between the researchers, related to issues of competence and incompetence, were included in the interpretation process. Data and feedback from participants supported the conclusion that inhibitions to destiny include issues of self-worth in relation to the world, and in affiliation. Validity was strengthened through the use of Omer’s concept of imaginal structures, which addresses the personal, cultural and archetypal influences that impact women’s experience of identity, and through Krueger’s discussion of women’s fear of success. An unaccounted for factor in participants’ blocks to engaging calling was financial. Although three participants mentioned money it was not addressed in the learning.
Learning Three: Shame as a Portal to Destiny
Learning Three, Shame as a Portal to Destiny, proposes that participants’ obstacles were rooted in shame which inhibited them from expressing their authentic gifts in the world, for fear of re-experiencing childhood wounding. This learning was derived from journaling questions related to the obstacle to one’s calling. The data suggested that shame, often rooted in familial and institutional settings, played a significant role in the formation of their inner obstacles.
153 What Happened
Participants returned from an excursion on the land in which they sought a symbol that represented the obstacle to their calling. They were then asked to respond to eight questions, all of which focused on their obstacle. Questions included inquiries into the function of the obstacle, as well as its origins. Most obstacles arose from on-going situations rather that single incidents that involved experiences of feeling diminished.
Martina described her life as a child as filled with hostility and hatred due to her parents’ divorce when she was four. She recalled feeling ashamed, on a regular basis, by her mother’s alcoholism, writing, “There were so many instances of her drinking and embarrassing me. I had many nightmares about her and my stepfather as a child.”
Martina also remembered being called stupid by her father at about age four when her ice cream fell of its cone, adding that her older sister always made fun of her and tried to make her feel less than. She revealed that although shame and guilt no longer serve her, they continue to be an issue.
Molly pointed to experiences at church, school and home as contributing to her obstacles. She remembered that the first time she rode a bike, she purposefully fell down, as if trying to prove her incompetence. She also recalled that at school, she was regularly picked on and never felt quite good enough. She added, “I felt dumb. I saw them as more successful than I could be.” She described her greatest fear as looking foolish and dumb.
Naomi was raised as a Catholic. She was certain her obstacle was directly related to her indoctrination in the church. She was the only participant who spoke from the voice of the obstacle, as was suggested in the instruction: 154 Remember when you were a small girl? Remember how Christ died for YOUR SINS? Remember how he was hammered to a cross, forehead bleeding because of YOUR SINS? This is when it started. This is when I took hold of you. This records my beginning of life within your innocent mind.
She went on to recant the story of Adam and Eve, commenting that because Eve
“displayed a mind of her own, she needed severe consequences. She had to be punished.”
When asked what the obstacle was that she most feared, she wrote that it feared her freedom and light heartedness, as those qualities might cause the obstacle to wilt away.
Laurel pointed to her history of frequent change of schools as a child, her own involvement with Scientology (which she did not elaborate on further, other than simply mentioning it), and her efforts to conform to parental values, as sources of her obstacle.
She described moving every few months or year, which caused her dreams to be repeatedly diverted, by the demands, agendas and influences of those around her. As she grew older, she felt side tracked by other people’s projects and causes. Her obstacle’s greatest fear included mediocrity, scorn and being misunderstood, while its greatest longing was to serve the world and to feel creatively alive.
Cynthia described her adaptation to her parents being very busy: “I wanted to please or impress them to feel their love and approval. I felt most loved when I achieved something.” She commented that just “being” never felt like enough, and that this was confirmed recently when her father confided in her that he felt “worthless” if he wasn’t doing something. Cynthia explained how when she was young, her father, who she described as demanding and overpowering, would be hurt if she did something he didn’t want her to, and that her desire went underground if she did or wanted something that her parents did not understand. She felt they had no interest in who she was and what she 155 wanted. Her obstacle most feared abandoning others as well as herself, and most yearned to have protected time and space to practice and understand the Buddhist teachings.
Bernadette described her family life as filled with violence and rage. As a result, she learned to be self-sufficient at a young age, explaining that she began working at fourteen and has supported herself ever since. She spoke of being caught in an old narrative that she has no choices. Her obstacle’s greatest fear was to be invisible, and be taken for granted, while its greatest longing was for connection, collaboration, love and intimacy.
Ariana, who also reported growing up in a highly abusive and neglectful family setting, felt her obstacle arose out of a response to abuse “in this life” as well as to a clitorectomy, which she referred to as a past life memory. While her obstacle’s greatest fear included public humiliation, it most longed for love and closeness.
Julianna who described herself as slow paced, experienced her mother as forever restless. When she was young, if she was not industrious, her mother “chided” her, making the lack of activity seem undesirable. Her obstacle most feared that if she did not constantly monitor every detail, a disaster would befall her and her family, while it most yearned for presence.
How I Was Affected
I was grateful that the participants shared intimate details of their lives. Overall, I felt saddened and compassionate for participants’ challenges in their family related to shame as it is so familiar to me. I was aware of some shock when I heard about the 156 cruelty that Bernadette and Ariana experienced in their childhood. I was surprised when Molly described feeling dumb compared to others, realizing that I was not alone in this predicament. I felt warmth, compassion and understanding toward her. Having not grown up in the Catholic Church I felt some anger and shock at the intensity of the voice of the obstacle that Naomi shared.
Imaginal Structures in Use
The imaginal structure that arose in response to Naomi’s experience in Church felt like a protective mother bear. Allowing it to be known through my body, I feel the desire to expose sharp fangs and growl as to scare those priests and nuns away. I want to stand on my hind legs and tower over them, causing them to loose every ounce of authority they feel they have, and every sense of certainty about good and bad. I want to gather up the little Naomi and clean off any residue of shame they have put in her. I too felt stained by shame at an age when I could not protect myself, much like Naomi. This image of a strong protector likely reflects my own longing for fierce protection.
Theoretical Concepts Upon Which Interpretations Are Based
Houston explains that wounds within the psyche, when addressed soulfully, release new potentials.40 She explains, “The wounding becomes sacred when we are willing to release our old stories and to become the vehicles through which the new story may emerge…” In her estimation, one must “breach the story that denies your full unfolding.” 41 Meade concurs, recognizing that within the wound lays the potential for the gift.42 He acknowledges that much wounding originates within one’s family of origin, and extrapolates, 157 Family fate can include the leaden shadow, the heavy hand, or poisonous atmosphere that overshadows the natural aspirations of its children and crushes dreams before they fully form.43
Meade warns that to deny these wounds, be they familial or otherwise, is to forfeit one’s gifts.44 Plotkin agrees, remarking, “Your wound holds the key to your destiny.” 45 Balint speaks of the wound in relation to the effects of trauma on one’s sense of self. He describes the experience of a person who has followed along normal developmental lines, up until an experience of trauma occurs, either singular or more commonly ongoing. He explains that coping strategies used to manage the challenge continue after the trauma has passed.46 Balint acknowledges these coping mechanisms may be helpful in some circumstances, but “anything beyond or contrary to these methods will strike him as frightening and more or less an impossible proposition.” 47 He links this kind of response to caretaking that is, “…deficient, haphazard, over-anxious, over-protective, harsh, rigid, grossly inconsistent…over-stimulating, or merely un-understanding or indifferent.” 48
Bradshaw addresses wounding that manifests as shame.49 He believes it provides access to our true self, stating, “Because your shame exists at the very core of your being, when you embrace your shame, you begin to discover who you really are. Shame both hides and reveals your truest self.” 50 Similarly, Omer suggests that the process of transmuting shame, leads to the capacity for autonomy.51
Kaufman addresses both familial as well as cultural shame inducing scenarios.52
Within a family, he points out that shame is a natural response to chronically unmet needs such as touch, affirmation, the support of individuation, as well as the need to identify and experience belonging. He clarifies that women in North America receive cultural messages that prohibit independence, success, claiming power, expressing anger, or 158 “their need to differentiate from significant others-to define themselves as distinctly different and separate while placing their desires above others.” 53 Kaufman insinuates that in a success driven culture, women face a double bind; they may experience shame for pursuing success, as well as for not measuring up to the culturally defined standards of success.
My Interpretations of What Happened
Learning Three proposes that participants’ obstacles were rooted in shame which inhibited them from expressing their authentic gifts in the world, for fear of re- experiencing childhood wounding. Participants shared stories from their childhoods, both in familial as well as institutional settings, almost all of which indicated that shame played a significant role in relation to their obstacles. This Learning was derived from journaling questions related to obstacle to one’s calling.
Kaufman’s understanding of sources of shame applies directly to participants’ experiences. For example, Ariana and Bernadette who survived highly abusive and neglectful families exemplify the shame that can result from a child being expected to have no needs, Cynthia’s upbringing demonstrates the shame that results from a lack of affirmation of one’s uniqueness, Julianna, the shame that is seeded when temperament is not honored, and Martina, when a sense of reciprocal love is not felt.
Shame can be understood as a basic lack of self-value. This was seen in Molly’s determination to prove she was incapable of riding a bicycle, and in Cynthia’s story of needing to do something to “impress” her parents. The latter was mirrored in Cynthia’s father’s admonition that without doing something, he felt he had no worth. Julianna 159 described her mother as being perpetually restless, thus indicating her mother’s inability to tend to her in such a way that might instill a sense of worth. Bernadette described a family atmosphere of rage and violence, also suggesting the likelihood of shame induction.
Ariana referred to both neglect and abuse, both of which can lead to shame. Also, her reference to a clitorectomy, revealed soul imagery of profound violation, carrying a possible message of the female body being shameful. It is possible that Ariana’s tendency to respond in one to two words was a function of shame, as by its very nature shame constricts expression. In addition, the impersonal nature of the questions in the journal format, may not have provided sufficient safety and holding to assist her exploration of the material.
Laurel was the only participant whose responses did not point directly to shame.
One might infer however that repeatedly being the new child at school, especially mid- year, would seed a sense of marginalization, and therefore shame.
Shame appeared as the greatest common thread in participants’ responses regarding their obstacles. Participants’ struggle with the expression of their destiny reveals both the personal and cultural dimensions of shame. Data suggests that familial patterns led to the internalization of diminishing messages. It is implied that participants avoided taking risks toward their calling, due to the fear that this would result in negative consequences similar to their childhood. Additionally, it is inferred that the avoidance was related to cultural inhibitions that dissuade women from pursuing their dreams, especially when differentiation is at stake. Because working through shame is equivalent 160 to embracing one’s autonomous and unique self, one could say: where shame is, so too is fate, and where shame is healed, so too is destiny lived.
Validity Considerations
Validity is supported when alternative interpretations are considered, and multiple sources of data are included. This learning was an alternative interpretation not originally considered. Shame was uncovered as central to participants’ obstacles, only after my committee deemed another learning more appropriate for the Reflections Chapter. This initiated a deeper and more thorough review of the data. The multiple sources of data include, the journaling by participants, my co-researcher Laura’s perception of shame as an important interpretation, as well as Balint’s concept of the basic fault.
Inter-subjectivity also strengthens validity when all aspects of the field are accounted for. Because this learning was not presented to participants, as it was formulated after the second meeting, the validity lacks this aspect of the field. In addition, although all co-researchers agreed that shame was a central component of the day based on observations of non-verbal cues, as well as spoken data, much of the data from this section was written and was viewed exclusively by myself, not by co-researchers. The validity therefore rests more heavily on the parallel between my interpretations, and the relevant literature on shame, such as Balint’s concept of the basic fault.
Learning Four: Wild Loss Grieved Feeds the Soil of Calling
Learning Four proposes that suppressed grief can block calling and lead to isolation, whereas grief and longing that is named and expressed within a collective can facilitate women reclaiming their instinctual energies, which supports calling. This 161 learning was derived from three sources of data: 1) affects named and expressed in the, as if living your calling exercise, on the first day of research, and on the second day,
2) participants’ identification of key moments, and 3) feedback to initial interpretations.
The discussion that occurred became highly animated when the topic of wildness was breeched, causing women to speak in a dialogue rather than sequential monologues.
What Happened
During the first day, participants were invited to stand in front of the group and express their calling as if they were presently living it. Three participants named grief, while another participant named and expressed her grief. On the second day, participants were asked to identify key moments and to offer feedback on the preliminary learnings.
All participants named being in a group as a key moment, and two specified being in a woman’s circle. During the feedback portion, all five participants referred to loss of, and longing for, the wild aspect of themselves, and commented on the cultural field that challenges the embodiment of their wildness.
In Cynthia’s attempt to speak to the group as if she was presently living her calling, she began by describing the robes she was wearing, declaring, “I am a nun.” As she claimed this longing, she began to cry. She continued describing in greater detail the nunnery she imagined she was living in and the practices she was engaged in with other nuns. Again, grief arose. She tried to swallow it down, but the tears continued against her wishes.
At the second meeting Cynthia inferred a sense of loss as she revealed that in the past she had been involved in activities such as drumming and ritual and that she had 162 experienced it as empowering to express this “wild energy.” She also commented that she had not been in a woman’s group for a long time. She added that spending so much time within the structured approach of Buddhism, resulted in having “lost touch…with this kind of wildness.” She felt the desire to have both the structured and unstructured in her life. Before ending, she mentioned being grateful that the darkness of fall was coming, as an antidote to society’s speed.
Bernadette initially expressed anxiety before beginning to speak in front of the group, as if she were living her calling. After completing, when asked how she was affected, her voice was unmistakably shaky as she said, “I have to just live what I really feel is my calling.” When asked what emotion she was experiencing, she named feeling grief. She did not return for the second meeting.
Martina began the exercise with excitement as she described the qualities she would experience in herself if she allowed herself to live her calling more fully. When asked how she was affected by doing the exercise she reported feeling like, “It’s a place I really want to be in.” She then fell silent, after which point she named sadness as the emotion that was surfacing. Martina did not attend the second meeting.
Laurel was another participant who used the exercise to tap into the potential excitement that would come from living in greater alignment with her dreams. She too found that by slowing down and checking in after the exercise, that “sorrow” was present.
Laurel did not return for the second meeting.
On the second day of research, Julianna commented that she often feels that to live in the world, she has to “abandon herself.” She went on to describe the loss of her 163 wild self. At first with a slight hesitation, and then with increasing conviction she divulged,
There is also a strong part of me that just wants to go into the hills and drum, chant, and sing my heart out, in that sort of wild, old way. That wildness…is alive in me. It is a lot of who I am, and it gets completely pulled back. It is almost like being a wizard in a muggle world, or a witch from a past life who has to walk this very straight line or bad things are going to happen.
She was the first to speak of the cultural constraints in this context. In relation to key moments, Julianna included coming together in a circle with a spiritual intention. She felt change was possible in such a container that was not in the everyday world.
Molly resonated with Julianna’s longing and spoke of her own desire to “bring something wild into the culture.” She compared the power of women to the power of the wild, mentioning that she had been involved with some studies on this subject when she was a graduate student (she did not elaborate on what these studies entailed.). She went on to add her own perspective on the parallels between women and nature mentioning, “I see the same power in storms.” As she spoke, her voice was clear and strong. One of her key moments was related to being in the group. She described looking into everyone’s eyes after expressing her calling, as “hugely profound.”
Ariana became more engaged in the discussion when the wildness within was breeched. She spoke supportive statements to Julianna, by encouraging her to offer her wildness to the world, which she described as insane and busy. This brought tears to
Julianna’s eyes. She also named her own fears of “persecution” for allowing her wild self to express in the world. In relation to key moments, Ariana cited being in a group of women and the “realness” that was present. 164 Naomi did not use the word wild, but did refer to feeling that she may have been in “a coven” in a past life, and conceded that she found the idea of “chanting, drumming and being loud, very appealing.” She also reflected that she had struggled as a woman, to overcome the fear of being killed when spending time alone in the wilderness.
Naomi highlighted being in a “respectful group of women” who were examining their lives, and listening to one another, as an aspect of her key moments.
How I Was Affected
During the exercise in which participants were expressing their calling in the present tense, as if they were living their dreams, I noticed feeling surprised by the excitement some initially expressed. I had imagined that fear would be the primary affect that would have arisen, based on a previous experience I had with the exercise. I felt a strong degree of empathy in response to Cynthia’s expression, experiencing myself as transported into her deepest longings, almost able to hear the echoing of footsteps in the nunnery she described, and the depth of her sacred grief.
On the second day, I felt very excited when Julianna used the word witch, as I had considered including it as a topic in my methodology, but had decided against it. My excitement increased, along with a sense of joy, and interest, as other participants continued the conversation on the wild aspect of themselves, and the longing associated with it.
Imaginal Structures in Use
The conversation that began on the topic of witches and then moved into the theme of wildness, brought an imaginal structure of mine to light. The extent of my 165 excitement that participants brought up witches without my prompting, reflected my self-doubt that the persecution of women as witches was related to contemporary women’s struggles to claim their wisdom and to live their calling. In the process of writing my methodology, the structure began with childlike enthusiasm, and a trust in my experience of interest, and joy related to my hypothesis, but when it came time to finalize the methodology another imaginal structure surfaced. When allowing my imagination to explore this, I see a large, male, with dark rings under his eyes. He points his long pale finger at me and says, “People will think you are crazy. That happened so long ago, why would it have any relevance to these women’s experience now? Don’t go near it. It will ruin your research by making it too out there, too fringe, too woo-woo.” I shrunk in defeat, and turned away from this topic that was of burning interest to me.
When Julianna first mentioned the word witch, the young, excited imaginal structure returned. “Hey! Did you hear that? She said witch! See, I knew there was something to that.” That structure needs outside mirroring to risk bringing something to the collective. Without that, she remains paralyzed by fear, and in a state of ongoing seeking of signs that it is safe to bring her uniqueness into the world. She remains a child, looking for the adults who know the rules to give her permission.
Theoretical Concepts Upon Which Interpretations Are Based
Nathanson places grief in the category of negative affects, specifically under the type called distress-anguish.54 He defines grief as a “mood” that arises from, “prolonged periods of distress precipitated by the experience of personal loss.” Nathanson points out that cultural conditioning serves to inhibit the expression of grief, noting that crying in 166 public is especially taboo. Omer understands the phenomena of inhibiting one’s affective response in public as demonstrative of cultural gatekeeping, in which cultural taboos are internalized.55
Murdock acknowledges that women must grieve their separation from the instinctual selves, within a supportive container.56 She comments that the degree of sadness can vary depending on the depth of severance a woman has experienced from herself, and her gifts. Bolen offers the model of women’s circles as a safe container, commenting that belonging to one is a common yearning in women.57
Estés acknowledges the need for speaking one’s grief and being supported by others, warning that without grieving one’s losses one can live in a “dead-zone.” 58 She writes,
Tears are the river that take you somewhere. Weeping creates a river around the boat that carries your soul-life. Tears lift your boat off the rocks, off dry ground, carrying it down river, to someplace new, someplace better.59
She suggests the wild woman, defined as the instinctual Self, or the female soul can support the grieving process, noting that when a woman allows herself to grieve, she may be tear-stained, but she will not be “shame-stained.” Nathanson reveals that one response to shame can be to withdraw.60
Estés warns that women who have lost contact with their wild instinctual self, have been assimilated by the culture, and may feel stuck, unable to engage in and offer their work in the world for fear of it being less than perfect.61 Reconnecting with the wild self however causes a woman to remember who she is and come out of exile, “entitled under the laws of nature to grow and thrive.” 167 Bolen asserts that when women tend to their own growth and healing, they act not only on their own behalf, but on behalf of the collective.62 She explains, “When a critical number of people change how they think and behave the culture does also, and a new era begin.” She sees this era, as the one beyond patriarchy.
My Interpretations of What Happened
Learning Four proposes that suppressed grief can block calling and lead to isolation, whereas grief and longing that is named and expressed within a collective can facilitate women reclaiming their instinctual energies, which supports calling. This learning was culled from the, as if living your calling exercise, on the first day of research, and the writing and discussion from the second day, in which participants identified key moments, and offered feedback to initial interpretations.
On the first day personal grief was both named, and expressed. Bernadette,
Laurel, and Martina named grief as an experience, however they were unable to allow the affect to actually move into expression. The fact that they were the only participants to name grief after the, as living their calling exercise, but who did not express it, and were similarly the only participants who did not return, supports the interpretation that isolation can result when the expression of grief is suppressed. In addition, it is possible that the suppression of their grief left them “shame-stained” rather than tear stained, as
Estés suggests, and therefore influenced them to withdraw from the study.
Contrarily, Cynthia was able to allow the expression of grief during the, as if living your calling exercise. Her ability to experience and express the loss that she had borne from denying the part of her that longed to be immersed in Tibetan Buddhism, 168 made it possible for her to claim her calling more fully, as she was able to describe in great detail the experience of living in alignment with her passion.
On the second day, the expression of loss and longing pointed to personal as well as collective grief in relationship to participants’ wild instinctual self. The collective uprising of energy, animated and quickened speech, an increase in free form dialogue, and the ownership of longings to express through venues such as ritual, drumming, and chanting support the interpretation that when longing and grief is expressed in a collective, women can access their instinctual selves more readily.
Julianna’s expression of grief and longing opened a floodgate of expression on the topic of wildness. Her description of her wildness being “completely pulled back” and feeling that she had “abandoned herself” led Ariana to respond empathically, at which point Julianna began to cry. This seemed to facilitate Ariana’s confession that she feared expressing her wild self in public for fear of “persecution.” Julianna’s imagery of chanting and drumming in the hills then reverberated in Cynthia who recalled a freedom she had experienced years ago in women’s circles, drumming circles, and rituals. She lamented having “lost touch” with her wildness, and expressed a desire to reincorporate it into her life.
In the next two examples, I posit that the expression of longing can infer a loss, and therefore grief. I employ Nathanson’s definition of grief as a prolonged, albeit in this case previously unrecognized, distress related to personal loss, however I extend his meaning to include collective loss.
Naomi expressed the longing for her wild self when she responded to Julianna by saying that drumming, chanting and being loud sounded “very appealing.” Molly 169 responded by recognizing the way in which women have been negatively associated with nature, and by expressing her own longing to, not only express her own wildness, but to “bring something wild into the world.”
The tendency for women to exile the wild parts of them, and become numb to the grief of that loss, becomes understandable when cultural influences are taken into consideration. Griffin unearths the core belief about women that has led to a severance from wildness:
And the demon resides in the earth, it is decided, in hell, under our feet. It is observed that women are closer to the earth…That women lead to men’s corruption. Women are the devil’s gateway, it is said.63
Despite the cultural inhibitions that have impacted women for hundreds of years, it appears that the permission given in a woman’s circle, to name and express grief either directly, or in the form of longing, facilitates the retrieval of the wild self. When the wild woman is reclaimed, so too is calling, for as Estés remarks, “Once women have lost her and then found her again, they will contend to keep her for good…for with her their creative lives blossom.” 64
Validity Considerations
Validity was substantiated in several ways. Firstly, the inter-subjective field can be accounted for in relationship to the topic of witches and wildness. As mentioned earlier, I had strongly considered introducing this topic in the methodology, and although
I did not, the participants themselves brought it up, without any prompting. In addition, the co-researchers and I agreed that the dialogue on this topic was noticeably dynamic and filled with shared meaning among the participants. Secondly, Estés’ theory that 170 without access to the wild woman archetype, women are less able to grieve, and less able to thrive creatively, supports this proposed learning.
Learning Five: Intimacy with Nature and the Inner Marriage
Learning Five proposes that women who are blocked in their calling as a result of a deficient relationship with the feminine and masculine principles can develop capacities of both, through engaging their ecological imagination. In many instances, the voice of the masculine arose to protect and encourage actions rooted in the feminine. This learning was derived from the analysis of participants’ experience as they explored their callings through engaging in conversations with the earth and through subsequent journaling.
What Happened
The data analyzed in this learning was collected by the evoking of participants’ connection with the earth, their sensate experience via a guided mediation, and time spent alone on the land. Their experience was gathered through journal writing and sharing about the symbol they found. Although the process consisted of participants gathering in the same setting that was described in Learning One, this learning differs in its focus.
Learning One focused primarily on aspects of participants’ embodied experience, while this learning is based solely on journaling responses to specific questions addressing their calling, moving through obstacles, and the earth as a potential ally. Biographical information about their mothers and fathers is included from earlier journaling concerning those who most inhibited their dreams.
Molly commented on the feather she had found; the message she received from the feather was to shift her perception of her obstacle by flying over it, as would a bird. 171 She understood her wings to represent confidence. This was mirrored in her journaling, “Believe in yourself and you will rise above these problems.” Molly described experiencing her mother and father as very fearful and controlling.
Laurel described being allured to a pinecone, from which she received the message: “REST. Allow rhythms/cycles/ seasons, attune to them.” The pinecone also provided her with a metaphor that honored her need for contraction, while also encouraging expansion. She was told that there comes a time when seeds need to be released from their holding, in order for germination and growth to take place. Laurel experienced her mother as fearful and her father as shaming.
Martina brought back a rock and moss that had been hanging from a tree, and described her perceptions of these symbols, commenting on the “carefree” nature of the moss and the “grounded” quality of the stone. She pointed out that these were qualities that she needed to develop. Martina described growing up with a fearful mother and an angry shaming father.
Cynthia brought back a leaf that had caught her attention as it was falling in mid- air. She understood the message from the leaf to be an affirmation that her inner process was part of the greater natural processes. She shared from her journal: “Trust in the process of letting go. Look around you and see this is the principle of nature. You are not alone…You are part of this sacred process.” She was also informed that she would need
“strength and resolve” to continue following her dream, which she was to enact as would nature: “Patient, slowly, do not rush, take your time…Sturdy like a trunk of a tree and flexible like the branches will yield delicious fruit.” Cynthia described both parents as busy, fearful, and uninterested in her unique interests. 172 Naomi perceived her life through the lens of nature. She read from her journal: “Today, in the early part of September, it (the leaf) falls to the ground, just like me. My life is short… I must fully engage my calling…” She received guidance to move through obstacles by taking concrete action steps such as, renting out her house, learning as much as possible about the parks in which she wished to work, and talking to a retirement counselor. At the top of this list was a command to invite her family to the wilderness. Naomi referred to a loving mother, albeit unable to support her in pursuing science and an angry, impatient and unpredictable father.
In nature Bernadette found a dead bird, and took from this symbol, the need to develop greater discernment regarding how she expended her energy. She was also guided to slow down, and to put more attention on healing her body. The earth assured her that she could count on its presence and reminded her, “You are not alone.”
Bernadette experienced her mother and father as abusive and neglectful.
Ariana fell asleep and was retrieved by a co-researcher while the group was journaling, at which point she commented that she had spent the previous night with a new boyfriend, and had not slept enough. In her journal, she wrote, “Rest, connect with me. Do rest and connect with me.” Ariana, also experienced her mother and father as abusive and neglectful.
Julianna too, spoke of the need to connect with herself, and with nature. She imparted that her mother was restless and unable to just be, without being productive. She did not mention her father.
173 How I Was Affected
When the participants sat around the picnic table for the first time after their nature exploration, I felt excitement as I noticed the change in the field which was more expansive, and unified. I was very moved by the messages from nature and noticed feeling joy, and a deepening of trust in my own perception of the healing power of nature.
When one of the participants did not return from the exercise, I felt calm and trusting. Shira decided to look for her. She eventually found her asleep on a picnic table. I felt grateful that she had followed her impulse and relieved that she had found the participant.
Imaginal Structures in Use
I noticed when Ariana returned from having fallen asleep during the exercise, being surprised at the complete lack of any visible indication of shame or apology. This brought to my awareness an imaginal structure of mine that is vigilant about maintaining an image of competency. I am constantly tracking what kind of impression I am making and scanning for any cues of disapproval. Ariana on the other hand did not seem to be bothered by, what my imaginal structure considered, an embarrassment.
My imaginal structure feels about eight years old. She is hunched over as if she has been for years beyond her age. She quickly peers in every direction, nervously expecting some amorphous negative experience. She does not know what might happen, but she feels very tense, and very afraid. She says, “Watch out! You never know what might happen. It is not safe here, or anywhere. Stay small. Don’t stand out. It’s dangerous. You can never relax. It could be deadly.” 174 Theoretical Concepts Upon Which Interpretations Are Based
Omer describes the Friend as “those deep potentials of the soul, which guide us to act with passionate objectivity and encourage us to align with the will of the cosmos.” 65
Omer goes on to distinguish two aspects of this force, which he defines as the Father and
Mother face of the Friend.66 The Father face of the Friend is described as the coupling of authority and love, while the Mother face of the Friend as mutuality with autonomy.
The masculine and feminine archetypes were understood by Jung and Woodman to have both positive and negative manifestations.67 In essence, Woodman describes the feminine as matter, and the masculine as spirit. Greenfield teaches that western mythology typically relates masculinity to the process of the development of the ego, and femininity with the unconscious.68
Characteristics of the feminine, as understood by Murdock, Shore and Leonard, can be seen in qualities of relatedness, the affirmation of life as well as in the accessing the wisdom, intuition, and feeling.69 In terms of the way the feminine expresses in one’s life, Murdock and Woodman highlight the ability to simply be, as well as the ability to embrace one’s humanness, foregoing the need to prove one’s worth, while Leonard focuses on qualities such as being responsive to the moment, and connectedness to the earth.70 Shore further illustrates that, attuning to the rhythms and cycles of nature, and oneself as nature, is an expression of living feminine wisdom.71
Woodman asserts that a healthy expression of the masculine serves the feminine, which functions on the premise that there is power in relatedness.72 It discerns what is needed and the takes action to bring that wisdom to fruition. She continues, identifying qualities of the masculine as: authority, law, order, perfection, will, stability, and action.73 175 Woodman refers to the harmonious relationship between the two as a marriage that occurs within the psyche, while Jung references the alchemical term “coniunctio” to refer to the same phenomenon.74
Murdock claims that it is the integration of the masculine and feminine that supports a woman to express herself in the world. She describes the task of the modern heroine as the need to:
… develop a positive relationship with her inner Man with Heart and find the voice of her Woman of Wisdom…As she honors her body and soul as well as her mind, she heals the split within herself and the culture.75
As women engage in this process, Murdock claims they develop increasing access to the purpose of their soul.
Shore also maintains that the masculine and feminine can be supported through intimate contact with nature.76 In order to participate in this exchange however, one must first open to the influence of nature. Plotkin sees a deep connection between the human soul and nature, commenting that when we are in an open and receptive state, we are able to see the truth of our unique nature through the reflection of the earth.77 Glendinning claims that the human psyche is an aspect of a seamless field of nature.78
Sewall illustrates that in order to develop this awareness, one can engage in
“perceptual practices that help us to extend our narrow experience of self and experience sensuality, intimacy, and identification with the external world.” 79 She refers to this as ecological consciousness. While Berger and McLeod affirm the connection between spending time on the land with intention, and the activation of intra-psychic processes.80
176 My Interpretations of What Happened
Learning Five proposes that women who are blocked in their calling as a result of a deficient relationship with the feminine and masculine principles can develop capacities of both, through engaging their ecological imagination. The feminine principle arose in the form of mirroring, acceptance, compassion, belonging and the offering of permission to engage in restorative practices. The masculine principle manifested in the encouragement of setting limits, taking action and pointing to capacities needed. In many instances, the voice of the masculine arose to protect and encourage actions rooted in the feminine. This Learning was derived from the analysis of participants’ experience as they explored their callings through engaging in conversations with the earth and through journaling.
Through the speech of symbols, almost entirely from nature, participants were supported in the valuing of their own needs, and wants, as well as in taking action and risks. This reflected the feminine and masculine principles respectively, both of which enabled participants to embrace their callings more fully. Where there was deficiency in either the masculine or the feminine, the inherent harmony of nature had a curative effect.
Contrary to the overwhelming cultural push to be active and productive, the feminine principal expressed, often with the support of the masculine, the unequivocal need for restorative practices. This theme arose in all but one participant during this exercise. Cynthia, who struggled with the desire to leave her prestigious work wrote,
“Patiently, slowly. When the time is right you will go.” Another participant, Bernadette, who felt overwhelmed by her commitments, wrote, “Slow way down.” Ariana, journaled,
“Rest, connect with me.” And Laurel wrote in capital letters, “REST,” while Martina 177 spoke of living with less effort. Naomi and Juliana referred to specific actions that would have a similar effect, such as spending time with family in the wilderness, taking walks, and communing with nature. Evidence that nature functioned as a supportive influence of the deep feminine, enhanced by the positive masculine, was revealed in the almost universal call for rest and slowing down.
Numerous times, the feminine and masculine worked harmoniously, as was seen in Cynthia’s journaling. She discovered a sense of belonging to a cosmic order, permission to move slowly, as well as the need for “strength and resolve” in order to pursue her calling. Naomi too found herself situated within a greater context of belonging. In her case, seeing the parallel between her life span and that of a fallen leaf had this impact. Here we see both principles at work, one offering a sense of home, the other making the point that time is limited. The latter led Naomi to a greater sense of urgency in pursuing her calling, thus igniting the masculine principle of will and action.
In the case of Bernadette, the feminine encouraged her to take care of her body and provided a comforting and loving presence. This can be seen in the voice of the earth saying, “Know you can count on me and you are not alone” as well as her own words that arose from time on the land, “Allow myself to be fully rested.” The masculine also proved to be a powerful influence in that it encouraged her to develop discrimination, to make bold choices on her own behalf, and to work on mental habits that sabotage her well-being.
Martina’s experience also demonstrated the two principles working harmoniously.
For her, the stone modeled the masculine trait of solidity, and the moss, the feminine quality of fluidity. In Molly’s case, the feminine and masculine arose simultaneously in 178 the image of a soaring bird rising effortlessly above her problems. As soaring requires both muscularity as well surrender, it is evident both principles were evoked.
Ariana’s slumber could be understood from a number of perspectives.
Considering the fact that she had spent the previous night with a new boyfriend, and that she mentioned at the end of the day that her priority was shifting from her purpose to intimacy, her falling sleep may point to a move toward the feminine realm of rest and relatedness, and a releasing of the need to succeed as defined by masculine standards.
Validity Considerations
As has been established in previous learnings, inter-subjectivity is a foundational component of establishing validity. The strongest expression of the field in this learning was the nearly unanimous descriptions by participants of the need to slow down. In concert with this, during the feedback to preliminary interpretations, participants responded positively to the phrase: “To engage calling, a woman must listen more deeply to her feminine wisdom, allowing for rest, regeneration, slowing down, and attuning to nature.” This also adds to validity, as it offers multiple sources of data that point to the same conclusion. Although input from co-researchers was minimal, as much of this data was written, rather than verbalized during the research and therefore viewed exclusively by me, both Laura and Shira expressed a sense of deep resonance with the learning when viewed prior to the presentation to participants. Another source of data came from the literature. Woodman’s assertion that the ability to be, rather than to do, is an expression of feminine wisdom, that a healthy masculine can support, clearly strengthens the validity of this learning. 179 Conclusion
To summarize, I will briefly recapitulate the learnings, including the Cumulative
Learning, and discuss them in relationship to the Research Problem, and the hypothesis of this study.
Learning One, Destiny through Nature Colored Glasses, is a partial answer to the
Research Problem; what imaginal structures arise for women when engaging their calling? The propositional statement of this learning is as follows: in relation to destiny, cultural reference points breed fixed and product oriented views of the self, while nature generates a more fluid and process oriented view. The data clearly shows a shift from entrenched imaginal structures that include experiences of being blocked, stuck and confused, to more fluid experiences of identity such as freedom, and stillness.
The second learning, When Calling is Held Hostage, highlights the affective barriers that arise when calling requires new behavior rooted in self-worth. The learning states that women are prone to becoming paralyzed in relation to their calling when challenged to take risks that require a greater valuing of themselves, their dreams, and their needs. The barriers that arose revealed the cognitive, affective and somatic aspects of imaginal structures. Cognitive beliefs included being crazy, and needing to play by the rules, affective experiences included helplessness, frustration, and fear, while somatic experiences encompassed feeling weighted down, divided, and fatigued.
Learning Three, Shame as a Portal to Destiny revealed the ways in which previous experiences of shame influence current imaginal structures. The learning contends that participants’ obstacles were rooted in shame which inhibited them from expressing their authentic gifts in the world, for fear of re-experiencing childhood 180 wounding. This learning related to the hypothesis that a deficient relationship with the
Mother and Father face of the Friend, in that shame not only inhibited movement toward calling, it also inhibited the positive capacities that arise from a healthy relationship with the feminine and masculine principles.
The fourth learning, Wild Loss Grieved Feeds the Soil of Calling, revealed the important role of grief, and the freeing of instincts for women who are blocked in engaging their destiny. The learning proposes that suppressed grief can block calling and lead to isolation, whereas grief and longing that is named and expressed within a collective can facilitate women reclaiming their instinctual energies, which supports calling. The breaking of isolation in regards to speaking of the loss of, and the longing for the wild woman archetype revealed how imaginal structures can be loosened in a collective when even one individual speaks to that which the culture has exiled.
Learning Five, Intimacy with Nature and the Inner Marriage, introduced the curative influence nature had on restoring the feminine and masculine principles in participants. It proposes that women who are blocked in their calling as a result of a deficient relationship with the feminine and masculine principles can develop capacities of both, through engaging their ecological imagination. The data revealed that nature played a significant role in aiding participants in the loosening of restrictive imaginal structures. Bernadette’s realization of, and surrender to, the need to put her own healing first, as a result of finding the decaying bird, points to this. What is unclear is the lasting effects of this shift in perception, due to the short-term nature of the study.
The Cumulative Learning from this inquiry on women’s obstacles to engaging their calling synthesizes the previous five learnings, and points to the interrelationship 181 between the Research Problem, the hypothesis and the methodology. It theorizes: The retrieval of the instinctual body in the context of community and nature functions to free women from affective barriers, allowing more ease in claiming their calling as both product and process.
Data from this study strongly suggests that the cognitive, affective and somatic patterns that hold women back from engaging their calling can be positively impacted by the reintegration of the feminine and masculine principles as they are experienced in nature, internalized through the ecological imagination, and honored by a circle of women.
182
CHAPTER 5
REFLECTIONS
Introduction
The learnings that emerged from this inquiry into the obstacles women face in engaging their destiny have significance and implications that are the focus of this chapter. In the first section, the significance of the learnings will be discussed in relation to the Research Problem and Hypothesis. Mythic and Archetypal Reflections on the learnings follow in the second section. Implications of the study to specific populations and the wider community are discussed in the final section.
Significance of the Learnings
This inquiry was designed according to the Research Problem: what imaginal structures arise for women when engaging their destiny? Five major learnings emerged from the data collection and interpretation. These learnings addressed affects such as fear, guilt, grief, and shame that hold women back from more fully engaging their calling, as well as the curative impact of engaging the Mother and Father face of the Friend within the context of nature and a woman’s circle.
Learning One discussed the perceptual lens through which participants viewed their calling, proposing that cultural reference points breed fixed and product oriented views of the self, while nature generates a more fluid and process oriented view. Learning
Two and Three addressed the primary affective barriers, fear and shame respectively, to 183 participants engaging their destiny. Learning Two proposed that women are prone to becoming paralyzed by fear in relation to their calling when challenged to take risks that require a greater valuing of themselves, their dreams, and their needs, while Learning
Three proposed participants’ obstacles were also rooted in shame which inhibited them from expressing their authentic gifts in the world, for fear of re-experiencing affects associated with childhood trauma. Learning Four, proposed that suppressed grief can block calling and lead to isolation, whereas grief and longing that is named and expressed within a collective can facilitate women reclaiming their instinctual energies, which supports calling. Learning Five addressed benefits of transformative practices that take place in nature specifically in relationship to the masculine and feminine principles. It proposed that women who are blocked in their calling as a result of a deficient relationship with both principles could develop these capacities by engaging their ecological imagination.
The data from this research study and the learnings both demonstrate the affective challenges in engaging destiny, as well as the transformative effects of engaging nature and the ecological imagination. The learnings and data also reflect the research hypothesis, which attempted to identify causes of inhibitions women experienced in relationship to their calling. The hypothesis for this research study was: women who are challenged in engaging their calling have a deficient relationship with the positive aspects of the Mother and Father face of the Friend.
Learning Five related most closely to the hypothesis. It revealed that the participants suffered from a lack of capacities in the realm of both the feminine and the 184 masculine. It also demonstrated that these capacities could be nurtured and supported through engaging the ecological imagination.
Before carrying out the study, I had anticipated that participants would primarily express fear, as it had been such a significant barrier in my own attempts to move toward my calling. As part of the methodology, I designed an activity that was intended to evoke this affect. During this part of the research, participants spoke in front of the group in present tense, as if they were living their calling. Although fear was in fact one of the affects that arose, more predominant still, was excitement, as well as grief.
Considering the perspective I have garnered as a result of completing this research, I might now revise the Research Problem to include women’s relationship with anger and the wild woman. It is noteworthy that participants rarely mentioned or expressed anger throughout the study. Kaufman points out that women are shamed for expressing anger.1 Because both anger and the instinctual self are typically suppressed in women due to familial and cultural influences, it is important to understand more fully how the withholding of these energies impacts women’s expression of their calling.
My reconsidered Research Problem might read, how do gender based prohibitions to express instincts in general, and anger in particular, impact a woman’s ability to engage her calling?
Mythic and Archetypal Reflections
Tikkun Olam, the creation myth originating in the Jewish Mystical tradition, is the guiding myth for this research. Not only does it address the unification of the feminine and masculine principles, it also speaks to the need for each individual to acknowledge 185 their brokenness, and to bring forth their divine spark in order to restore the world.
This can be seen as a metaphor for destiny as it applies to the individual as well as the collective.
The history of the ancient Hebrew Kabbalah prominently includes Moses
Cordova, a Jewish rabbi and philosopher of the 12th century, who developed a theory about the masculine and feminine principles as divine polarites.2 Referring to the
Kabbalah, which is a collection of mystical teachings originating within the Jewish tradition, he spoke of the spiritual forces of the feminine as encompassing “darkness, passivity and contraction” and the forces of the masculine as the energies of “light, expansion and mercy.” 3 In Hebrew, Hokmah means wisdom or the great Father, and
Binah, understanding, or the great Mother.
Generations later,16th century rabbi and Jewish mystic, Isaac Luria offered his additional insights into meaning of the Kabbalah. As a visionary, he offered a new perspective on Creation, as well as practices aimed at uniting the feminine and masculine principles.4 The Hebrew term Tikkun Olam, which translates as repairing the world, refers to the creation myth that he revealed.5
His vision of the shattering of vessels at the moment of creation is referred to in
Hebrew as Shevirat HaKelim.6 This great shattering was attributed to the belief that the vessels, into which God poured divine light, were not able to withstand its potency. It is said that when the vessels shattered, sparks of the holy light flew in all directions.7 Some of the sparks were said to have reunited with the infinite source, while others were thought to have fallen into the world of matter. 186 It is said in Talmudic legend that the Shekhinah, or the divine feminine went into exile along with the Jews, offering compassion during their struggles.8 Estelle
Frankel likens the return of the Shekhinah to the reemergence of the “repressed feminine.”
Frankel speaks to the symbolic meanings that underpin the destruction of the
Temple of Jerusalem by the Roman Empire in 70 C.E.9 Before its desecration, the
Temple was symbolically understood to be a place of unity where the opposites, such as the masculine and feminine, existed harmoniously. The destruction represented a state of exile in which separation rather than union reigned. The ruining of the Temple reflects
Shevirat Ha’Kelim, or the shattering of the vessels and Tikkun Olam speaks to the restoration of the Temple, and the unification of opposites. According to Frankel, this is said to lead to the coming of the Messiah or Moshiach.10 Mythically speaking the
Messiah can be understood as the wounded healer; in her estimation, it is this “messianic spark” that empowers individuals to take the strands of fate and weave them into a tapestry of destiny.11
Drob concurs, summarizing,
Man’s divinely appointed purpose is to reclaim the sparks that have fallen both into the world and in his soul, and to release a portion of the divine light imprisoned in the Kellipot. In doing this, humanity performs its role in Tikkun ha- Olam, the restoration of the world.12
The kellipot Drob mentions refers to a kind of “husk” that conceals the divine sparks.13
He draws parallels between freeing the energy from the kellipot, and psychoanalysis, likening it to unconscious material being brought to conscious awareness.14 He also suggests that the process of bringing cognitive and affective experiences into awareness reflects the restoration of the world on a smaller scale. 187 The reason for choosing this myth is multifaceted. On a personal level, I have been drawn to the Kabbalah for years, although I have never formally studied it. My mother’s maternal and paternal lineage, are Hassidic Jews from Russia, and my maternal great grandfather was a rabbi who I feel deeply connected to, and intuitively sense was a mystic. The myth that sparks of light imbue all of matter speaks to my desire to approach destiny from an ecological perspective. Gershwin comments speak to this:
The power of the supernatural is not to be discovered in mystery schools. It is rather to be discovered in the Ordinary, in the everyday flow of everything and everyone. Divine Mystery is imprinted in all Creation.15
This is resonant with the view in ecopsychology that all life is sentient and filled with soul.
The shattering described in the myth, is a metaphor that addresses meanings that arose in the research as well as personal meanings, some of which occurred within my coursework years. I believe this myth was already making itself known long before my actual research took place. During my last year with my cohort, there was a focal space I will never forget. The school, which in this case might be likened to a vessel, was going through a transition in which its name and therefore its identity were changing. This brought up a lot of brokenness or emotion in our group, including fear, betrayal, anger, distrust, and suspicion. During my turn to enter the focal space, I held within my hands a bowl made of earthen clay that was hand painted in tones of blue. A male teacher had entered the focal space with me, and a female faculty sat nearby in a chair with the other cohort members. The archetypal mother and father were present. I do not remember the words that came from my mouth in the next moment, but I do remember suddenly releasing the bowl to the ground. It shattered into many pieces. One of the teachers was 188 visibly affected. Although I too was stunned, I assured her that it was mine and it was okay that it had broken. There was a shock and silence in the room. Somehow that symbolic act had captured the rupture that was being felt in the cohort as the vessel of the school appeared to be shattering.
The cohort, in its deep wisdom made use of the unexpected ritual. Each member took a piece of shard. I don’t know the exact meaning that each person made of this act, but for me we were collecting our brokenness with reverence, knowing that as we each separately carried them, that the design of wholeness and our unique place in that, was implicit.
My particular brokenness appeared as an intense fear of stepping into a position of authority, specifically of teacher. This wound spurred me forward toward that which catalyzed the intense feelings. Writing this dissertation has been part of moving toward the discomfort, trusting as Chodron says that, “the poison is the medicine.” 16
Within the research, the participants’ experience reflected both shattering, and repair. Through the process of art, movement, group sharing, and nature-based explorations participants deepened their relationship to their brokenness or Shevirat by bringing their wounds into the accepting atmosphere of the woman’s circle: Naomi related the extreme guilt she internalized from the Catholic Church, Bernadette, her violent home, Cynthia revealed her longing for attention that only came from performing and impressing, Julianna, her mother’s restlessness and inability to see the love of presence and Being in her child, Laurel who described moving from school to school sometimes multiple times a year, and never finding home, Martina who remembered being shamed at the moment she was about to enjoy her ice cream cone, and many times 189 more as a daughter of an alcoholic mother, Molly who set out to prove her incompetence as young as her first time riding a bicycle, and Ariana who shared ruptures that included abuse, and neglect.
Participants also engaged in the on-going process of repair. This was seen most vividly after the nature-based inquiry. Old stories of brokenness gave way to new narratives as a result of being informed by the natural world. Berger and McLeod affirm,
This approach is based on the belief that a conscious physical journey in nature can trigger parallel psychological and spiritual quests. Each part of nature…has a specific resonance on the client, inviting the client into an inner process.17
Participants were able to allow the language of nature to speak to, and contribute to the repair of their soul.
Each participant shared a piece of her story of the on-going journey toward restoration, or Tikkun. Naomi described her relationship with her critic as,
…a transformed relationship…I feel much less confined…I can take some of that mental input that obstacle was showing me and I can choose to listen or not… My calling is good. It is important for someone to devote themselves to the national parks.
Bernadette surrendered to the need to take better care of herself, Cynthia expressed finding a balance between the structure of Tibetan Buddhism and the “freedom and wildness” of women’s pagan circles. She remarked, “I think there is a harmony needed between the two forces.” Julianna shared in closing that she had “befriended” her obstacle. Molly exclaimed:
I came here three weeks ago, I moved, I drew, I walked in nature and basically I proclaimed to the world that I am now ready to follow my calling and the universe has started to help me make that a reality. Something opened up inside of me…I am good at helping women discover their true inner self. I am there as a midwife. I have a gift that I should not hide.
And Ariana felt the time together had been affirming. She concluded, “I am on the right 190 track.” These examples of repair demonstrate the activation and coming together of the positive masculine and feminine within the participants, as evoked by nature and community.
It is important to mention that three participants did not return for the second day of research. Although Martina, Laurel and Bernadette each offered logistical reasons for missing, such as exams, work travel and moving, I cannot help but wonder if the forces that inhibited their movement toward their calling was not active in their decision to not complete the study. Krueger points out that avoiding of the final step is common among women who fear success.18 He explains, “Anxiety may reach a crescendo just before the culmination of a task, only to be calmed by a withdrawal from the final completion.”
Implications of the Study
For Myself
When I began this research I was still in the grips of my deep longing and fear of teaching, which I knew to be an aspect of my calling. As I read literature on the fear of success in women, and on women’s development, I began to feel less alone, and less crazy. In addition, engaging with the participants who were struggling with the same issue helped normalize an experience that had been steeped in shame.
I cannot say exactly when it happened, but I do know that as I researched, wrote, and performed the actual study, my fear seemed to diminish steadily. Facing the issue head on, rather than having it forever at the periphery of my awareness was healing. I practiced and found transformative, Rutledge’s acronym for working with fear: face it, explore it, accept it, and respond to it.19 191 Engaging in this study also had an impact on my relationship with destiny. I would like to say that I have moved away from the cultural obsession of becoming well known, but this drive continues to contain life force. It has taught me that the eco-centric place remains, even as the eco-centric self grows. Regardless of these ripples on the surface of my being, I have nonetheless dropped into a deeper relationship with my purpose, one that is more fully steeped in ecopsychology. This is greatly the result of having participated in three retreats with Plotkin, one of my sources on ecopsychology and destiny. These allowed me to not just theorize, but to live the research. During these explorations, I came to understand more fully my own deep imagery, or guiding image, and the sacred aspect of my wound. One way in which this occurred was through a very clear message I heard while participating in a retreat, which was, “tending the soul of relationship”. This soul whisper was an indication of my destiny.
As the wound and the gift are inextricably bound, I not surprisingly met my sacred wound during this same retreat during a grief ritual. Each participant had just spent time alone on the land, prior to regrouping with the intention of grieving losses, be they personal or collective. Upon convening, my husband shared his grief about watching our daughter become mesmerized by consumer culture. After he spoke, I was taken over by a deep anguish. As I surrendered to it, I felt I was releasing the wails of women who had come before me, in the name of those yet to come. I knew in my bones that this collective wound was related to women and what has been lost within female lineages. I was yet to realize that it was also connected to work that I would engage in the world.
This sacred and collective wound, having been felt that deeply was transmuted into creative action. Within weeks, I connected almost effortlessly with two other 192 mothers who also longed to create a mother daughter group. After that, another few weeks passed and we had gathered six mothers and seven daughters. We have been meeting almost monthly for over two years since that time.
Plotkin would likely theorize that I had accessed my core power, to tend the soul of relationship, as well as a delivery system for that gift, mother daughter groups. He clarifies that core powers can be expressed in myriads of ways. The delivery system is that which brings those mysterious powers into a form that can exist within culture.20
Some of the visual images that supported this new understanding of my destiny came over a year later in Northern California at another retreat with Plotkin and his partner Geneen Hogan. I had already been courting nests, bees, flowers and birds for years, but had assumed that someday I would come upon one core image that would encompass my essential self. What finally occurred to me was that these images, and beings, were all aspects of my soul imagery. It was only in their togetherness that tending the soul of relationship came alive. These complementary practices I partook in during the dissertation process, as well as the actual research itself, have assisted me in the process of transmuting fear into courage, shame into autonomy, and grief into heartfelt creative action.
During the dissertation process, as my purpose at this stage of my life became clearer, I created a new web site to reflect my emerging work. At this point, I see myself holding women’s circles that serve as potent containers for change. My passion is most alive in relation to circles of mothers coming together as pattern breakers. I wish to help women become more aware of the patterns that exist in their female lineage, as a means 193 of transforming these wounds so that our daughters can carry something different into the future. Jung spoke to this when he said,
Although we human beings have our own personal life, we are in large measure the representatives, the victims and promoters of a collective spirit whose years are counted in centuries.20
I feel this deeply and hope to impact the collective spirit in a positive way.
For the Participants
The participants of the study had a range of responses to partaking in the research, and therefore the implications of the study in their lives vary as well. Some women felt transformed by the study. Molly, Cynthia and Naomi left the study with a renewed sense of purpose, hope and determination. Molly moved from feeling stuck in a job that brought tears to her eyes, to speaking with a counselor from her master’s program during the three weeks between meetings, who told her about an internship position that matched her skills and talents. She described feeling like the “universe heard my call” from her expression on first day of research. Cynthia left the research less conflicted about pursuing her love of Tibetan Buddhism, and also less attached to the specific form that it took. She also expressed the need to reintegrate more feminine practices like drumming and women’s circles into her meditation practice, which she understood to be more masculine. Naomi began the study feeling immobilized by guilt, unable to imagine giving herself permission to leave her mother and grown children to devote herself to the park services. By the second meeting, she had discussed it with her family, who supported her, and had a concrete action steps laid out to move in that direction.
Other women seemed to remain entrenched in their obstacles. Bernadette expressed in her final journaling that she had not learned anything about her calling or 194 her obstacle. She appeared to feel frustrated and unhappy with the research design, describing it as offering no “new information.” She did not return for the second meeting.
Laurel, who expressed being very shy in groups in her initial interview, did not return either, nor did she communicate that she would not be present. Martina also missed the second meeting, although she expressed a strong desire to be at the second day. The implications for these women can only be hypothesized. What is clear, is that something, whether internal, external, or a combination of both, changed between the time they committed to the two meetings, and the final meeting.
Based on the conversation at the second meeting on the topic of longing for the wild woman, I imagine that the five women who did attend, all left the research with a renewed sense of sisterhood, an appreciation, and an increased of internal permission for their instinctual selves, as well as a sense of relief for having looked more deeply into this topic that had plagued them.
For Psychology
Although my research focused on women, the data revealed valuable information that is applicable to both men and women. Anyone who experiences a sense of being immobilized in relation to his or her calling could benefit from the power inherent in engaging the ecological imagination. As the research demonstrated, this can facilitate a renewed relationship with the feminine and masculine principles thus supporting one’s ability to both listen, and respond to one’s vocation.
Within the profession of psychotherapy, the research could assist practitioners to understand the barriers that women in particular, face when searching for deeper meaning 195 and generativity in their lives. The research also serves to legitimate using earth based practices to help clients access deeper wisdom, and insight into their gifts and challenges.
The academic discipline of Psychology has addressed women’s issues, as well as issues of generativity and stagnation as seen in Erikson’s developmental model, and more recently, ecopsychology has entered the collective conversation. However, the literature fails to address the intersection of these various fields. It is at the intersection that I believe my research contributes to the conversation, by going beyond both, current masculine definitions of success, and anthropocentric views of what constitutes healthy development and identity formation. Additionally, the methodology, and theory-in- practice, Imaginal Transformation Praxis, provide a framework for further research, as well as coursework, that could focus on a variety of themes, from the perspective of soul.
With experience at the center, the research adds to the legitimization of the phenomenological within psychology.
For Imaginal Psychology
For Meridian University and the field of Imaginal Psychology in particular, the implications of the study are multiple. One implication is the support for more nature- based work, especially for the doctoral students, who could benefit from this type of inquiry when navigating how their dissertation topic is a bridge to their future. In addition, the learnings that the masculine and feminine principle can be cultivated through the ecological imagination could support students in engaging both the fluid and structured aspects of completing a dissertation. 196 Additionally, the development of what Sewall terms, ecological consciousness, is a capacity that translates into the therapeutic container. One’s ability to become sensitive to the language of nature is inseparable from the capacity to read the non-verbal and energetic cues of a client. As such, this study is a support for greater inclusion of ecopsychology within Imaginal Psychology.
Implications of my research on the wider culture relate to the perspective from which we view purpose. Currently, destiny has been co-opted by consumerism and commercialism. There exists a plethora of books and workshops that all promise to boost your self-esteem as well as you income, by discovering and living your purpose. My research offers an alternative view, one in alignment with Plotkin’s distinction between an ego and eco-centric understanding of destiny. We live in times that require a collective awareness and empathy for of all of life. Macy refers to this era as “The Great Turning.” I would like to think that my research is yet another light absorbing leaf on a tree of change.
Given my knowledge of the work that has been done in the areas of my study, I recommend that future research include inquiries into how permission to express both anger and the archetypal wild woman impacts one’s ability to engage destiny. I believe this archetype taps into the ecological imagination and the full range of affects, and facilitates the emergence of each individual’s unique expression that is needed in this particular place at this particular time.
Because this research process engaged methodologies that are typically marginalized, as well as a topic that also lives at the edge of mainstream conversation, it is transformative in nature. The experiential nature provided the women involved the 197 opportunity to reimagine and redesign their lives, some of who did in very concrete ways. The focus on purpose with an eye towards the female experience, in a culture that defines purpose as related to power and prestige, served to create a place of respite in which the unquestioned assumptions about the nature of destiny were put into question, and redefined. As the field of psychology moves toward validating the qualitative lived experience, especially of those who have been marginalized, there is hope that the future may birth a collective narrative that honors the masculine, and the feminine, the human and the greater web of life, as well as the divine purposiveness that runs through it all.
198
APPENDIX 199
APPENDIX 1
ETHICS APPLICATION
1. Participant Population
I will be choosing 7-10 women who are 30 and older and who have a calling that inspires them, but are challenged by inner obstacles when attempting to move toward their calling.
In order for the women to meet the criteria for the study, they must have experience in psycho-spiritual types of inner work. I am looking for women who have either been in individual therapy, group process work, or spiritual practices that incorporate psychological awareness. I will also be examining via the phone interview, the degree of comfort they have engaging in art and nature based explorations that are used for inquiry and growth.
In addition, I will screen out any potential participant who appears to have a particularly challenging personality that might have a negative impact on the group dynamic, or on my ability to focus on the group as a whole. I am specifically screening for high degrees of need and reactivity. I will screen for any issues that might interfere with the woman’s ability to fully participate in the study.
Participants will be recruited in a variety of ways. I will advertise through the
Internet using Craigslist and my own email contacts. I will post flyers at Bay Area graduate schools, and local bulletin boards. The emails will be sent out to friends, colleagues and clients, in which I will include a description of my ideal participant 200 (Appendix 8). I also plan on recruiting through word of mouth via friends, colleagues and acquaintances.
2. Procedures Involving Research Participants
• Initial contact: Potential participants will be given a choice to contact me via
phone or e-mail. Once they have contacted me, I will respond using the same
means they did and offer a brief description of the study, including basic logistical
information such as time and place. I will explain that in order for me to
determine whether they meet the criteria for the study, we will need to have a 20-
minute phone interview. (Appendices 9 and 10). For those who contact me via
email, I will set an appointment time to connect by phone at which point I will
give them the initial information just described. For those who contact me initially
by phone, I will inquire as to whether it is a convenient time to speak, and if not I
will schedule an alternate time with them.
• Screening: I will begin the screening interview by briefly describing the intent of
the research, the time the interview will take, and that I will contact them within
10 days to inform them as to whether or not they fit the criteria I am looking for
(Appendix 11). I will then ask the questions I have prepared for the phone
screening (Appendix 12). I will then, by phone, inform those I interviewed if they
have been accepted or not. If I have accepted them I will remind them of the
logistics of the study, including time, location, date, and items to bring to the first
meeting (Appendix 13). In addition, I will comment on the possible psychological 201 risks involved in participating. If I am rejecting them, I will explain what
criteria I used to make that choice.
• Reminders: I will send the participants a written letter of acceptance into the
study. The letter, which will be sent through the mail, will repeat the date, time
and location of the study, and will remind them of the symbolic objects they need
to bring (Appendix 15). Included will be a copy of the consent form, and
directions to the location. I will also be phoning participants a few days prior to
the meeting as a reminder (Appendix 16).
• Meeting One: When the participants arrive, I will welcome each one
individually. At 10:00 we will gather in a circle and I will introduce my co-
researchers and myself and invite any initial questions. After which I will give a
brief description of the study and have them review and sign the Informed
Consent (Appendices 17 and 4). I will explain the layout of the building regarding
restrooms, the schedule, in terms of breaks, lunch, and refreshments. My
introduction will end with a brief description of the activities of the day, and end
with a reminder of confidentiality.
• Data Collection Procedures: After the preparation that I just described, I will
then begin the research by ringing a chime and inviting them to place the symbol
of their calling onto the altar and share for up to five minutes about it. (Appendix
21). I will then explain the next exercise in which they stand and speak in front of
the group as if they are fully living their calling. They will be encouraged to take
time to allow any affects that arise, to move through them and when they are
ready, to return to the description of their imagined lives (Appendix 22). This will 202 be followed by the creation of an altar of obstacles in which they share the symbol they brought from home and the meaning it has for them (Appendix 23).
We will then take a 15-minute break (Appendix 24). Upon return, the participants will be invited into an art experience; they will be asked to draw the relationship between their calling and obstacle (Appendix 25). They will then express something about the drawing to the group (Appendix 26). Participants will then be guided to respond to two questions and then write a letter, both from the voice of the child self (Appendix 27). A half an hour lunch break will follow
(Appendix 28).
At this point the inquiry will shift to include a nature-based approach. The location will change to an outdoor location. This will involve a five-minute drive.
I will offer directions and ask that silence be maintained (Appendix 29). Once we arrive, I will guide the participants through a short meditation as preparation for their time on the land (Appendix 30). I will introduce the next section explaining the intention they will hold during their 20 minutes on the land, which will be to allow themselves to be allured to an object in nature that speaks to their calling
(Appendix 31).
Upon return, I will invite them to respond to a few questions and then proceed to write a letter, both from the voice of the earth (Appendix 32). This will be followed by an invitation to share a few sentences from their writing
(Appendix 33).
After group sharing about the letter, the participants will then repeat the nature exploration but this time with a focus on receiving a symbol regarding their 203 obstacle (Appendix 34). Upon return, they will again engage in a writing exercise in which they allow the obstacle symbol to speak in first person. As with the focus on calling, they will respond to a few given questions, and then write a letter (Appendix 35). We will then conclude the outdoor time and return to our indoor location (Appendix 36).
There will then be a 15-minute break (Appendix 37). Upon recommencing, each person will have the opportunity to express non-verbally the obstacle they came in contact with on the land. The group will then offer an aesthetic response(Appendix 38). This will be followed by the same format with a focus on their calling (Appendix 39).
The participants will then be given a set of questions focusing on an action they would be willing to take between meetings, the obstacle they face, and a possible ally to support them (Appendix 40). The group will then have the opportunity to share in relation to the previous writing exercise (Appendix 41).
After which, they will also be invited to speak a sentence or two from the voice of the ally (Appendix 42).
At this point, I will release the directions (Appendix 43) and let them know that we will be meeting again in a three weeks to share preliminary findings
(Appendix 44).
The second meeting will begin with an invitation to sit in silence for a few minutes to help us all arrive (Appendix 45). I will explain (Appendix 46) that we will begin this meeting with the participants answering questions as to their perception of the key moments of the first meeting. After the allotted time of 15 204 minutes, I will request that the participants share their key moments and open
up a group discussion (Appendix 47). Subsequently, my co-researchers and I will
share our Preliminary Learnings with the group and invite them to journal after
each learning (Appendix 48). This will be followed by a group discussion of the
interpretations (Appendix 49).
There will then be a 15-minute break (appendix 50). After the break the
participants will engage in their last journaling, which will focus on action steps
taken during the time between meetings (Appendix 51). The group will then be
invited into a group discussion concerning what they have learned and how they
have grown as a result of the study (Appendix 52).
The meeting will conclude with a ritual (Appendix 53). I will offer each
participant a seed, which they will each infuse with their intentions of embodying
their calling. One by one, they will place their seed in a bowl of rich soil while
speaking a word of intent.
I will then thank them for their participation and let them know that I will
be sending the Summary of Learnings when the dissertation is complete and
approved (Appendix 56).
• Post Data Collection with Participants: Included with the Summary of
Learnings will be a note thanking them for their participation.
3. Consent Process
At the outset of the first meeting I will ask the participants to review and sign the
Informed Consent form. Before having them read and sign the form, I will remind them 205 that the intent of the study is to explore the obstacles that prevent women from more fully engaging their callings. I will also remind them that I will be collecting data in the form of tape recording, videotaping, handouts and note taking. I will then handout the form (Appendix 4).
4. Risks
The participants are asked to engage in a somatic exercise in relation to their calling and the feelings that emerge as a result of claiming it, early in the study. There is a risk of the participants feeling overly exposed before there is enough of a sense of safety.
This could result in the surfacing of shame and subsequent withdrawal. Another aspect of the research is spending time in nature and allowing an object from nature to speak through writing. It is possible that these experiences may feel foreign, which again could produce feelings of shame, either in the self or other attack mode. If this were to occur, the affect of shame could inhibit full participation in the rest of the research activities, and if left unexpressed might impact their willingness to return for the second meeting.
In addition, the exploration of calling and obstacle are deep issues as they pertain to the soul’s longings and the wounding that limit full expression. Therefore, it is possible that the research inquiry could bring up childhood issues of varying levels of mis- attunement, neglect or abuse. It might also stimulate grief, anger, shame or fear in relation to their unlived dreams.
5. Safeguards
There are numerous ways I would attend to the process that would serve to limit the aforementioned risks. To begin with, I would screen the potential participants during 206 the phone interview to ascertain that they have had enough experience in transformative practices to assure their capacity to manage their own experience throughout the research. Specifically, I would find out if they were currently in therapy, or knew of a therapist they would contact if they required additional support after our meetings. This would also be mentioned in the Informed Consent form. If they did not, I would offer referrals. Also, my co-researchers would be available to assist any participant who needed brief additional support.
Another safeguard would be the confidentiality that the researchers as well as the other participants would hold, as was stated in the beginning of the research. This would help the participants feel more comfortable expressing material that might otherwise feel too exposing.
In addition, and on less logistical and more relational level, the rapport between the co-researchers and the participants would be key. This would be built on our presence, professional yet contactable demeanor, eye contact, compassionate and attuned responses, and a general stance of providing both acceptance and structure.
Lastly, the researchers’ own reflexivity would serve as a way for potential projections to be diminished that could affect the relationship between participant and researcher. This would be done throughout the research through periphery attention, during art exercises through journaling, and at the end of the research my co-researcher and I will meet to discuss key moments and how we were affected. We will also be engaging in reflexivity throughout the interpreting phase, both in person and by phone.
207 6. Benefits
The benefits of this study would first affect those who participated. The potentialities include: an increase clarity of purpose, a deeper connection with the mystery from which it arises, increased awareness of obstacles and a willingness to take risks, and a decrease in feelings of isolation.
The ripple effects of the study might extend to the women who participate in my
Women’s Courage Circles, as they would have the benefit of the learnings. This might look like having the underlying causes of their obstacles more clearly addressed and the development of needed capacities more directly and consciously supported.
I have also made contact with the organization, The Wisdom Connection, who has asked if I would share my learning’s with them. The organization focuses on women’s leadership and they are assisting women in addressing the same challenges that I am exploring in this study. I hope to add to their understanding of the phenomena of women’s challenges in this area.
Looking at an even wider sphere of influence, if the research were to culminate in a book on the topic of women and destiny, many women from many backgrounds, including practitioners of the healing arts, might benefit from the research. My hope would be that the focus on this topic would help women acknowledge the calling they already feel, have a way to name the obstacles, thus creating some inner spaciousness or dis-identification, and grow in their capacity to take creative and courageous actions.
The greatest benefit would be that of an increase in women’s connection with the call of the earth as it is heard within them, this being one more positive influence toward the healing of the earth and our relationship to her. 208 7. After the Study
I plan on sharing the preliminary findings at the second meeting at which time I will invite feedback from the participants. Once the dissertation is approved, I will send a hard copy of no more than five pages, of the Summary of Learnings. It will be written in language that the participants will be able to understand, and will include findings that I believe the participants will find relevant.
209
APPENDIX 2
CONCEPTUAL OUTLINE
Evoking Experience
• Prior to meeting, participants will be asked to bring: a symbol of an aspect of their calling, a symbol of an obstacle that binds them, bagged lunch and a watch.
Meeting One
• Opening invocation and speaking names into the circle
• Creation of altar of callings
• Speaking as if living my calling exercise
• Creation of the altar of obstacles
• Introduction and Guided Meditation
• Seeking nature symbol
• Seeking obstacle symbol
Meeting Two
• Speaking names into circle
• Presentation of preliminary interpretations and group discussion
Expressing Experience
Meeting One
• Draw relationship between the calling and the obstacle
• Express something about their drawing to the group
• Letter from the Child Self
• Letter from the Earth 210
• Sharing about letter from Earth
• Expression of obstacle with aesthetic response
• Expression of soul purpose with aesthetic response
• Journaling about action, obstacle, and ally
• Group shares the action they would like to take, their obstacle, and an ally or strength
• Each person speaks a sentence from the voice of her ally into the circle
Meeting Two
• Journaling key moments in the research
• Group sharing of key moments
• Participants share their response to initial feedback
• Journaling
• Final sharing
Interpreting Experience
Meeting One
• Meeting with co-researchers at end of meeting to debrief key moments
Meeting Two
• Journaling key moments in research
• Group share key moments
• Researcher presents preliminary interpretations and reviews data from data gathering
• Group discussion: Participants share their responses to researchers’ preliminary learnings
• Meet with co-researchers at the end of the meeting to debrief key moments
211 Integrating Experience
Meeting One
• Journaling about action, obstacle, and ally
• Group shares about the action they would like to take, their obstacle, and an ally or strength.
• Each person speaks a sentence from the voice of her ally into the circle.
Meeting Two
• Presentation of preliminary interpretations and group discussion
• Journaling about action steps taken
• Final sharing about what they have learned about themselves, and how they have grown as a result of having participated in this study
• Closing ritual: Planting seed of intention
212 APPENDIX 3
CHRONOLOGICAL OUTLINE
Prior to Meeting One, participants will be asked to “bring a symbol of your calling, and a symbol of an obstacle that binds you, a bagged lunch, as well as a watch.”
Meeting One (10:00-5:00)
Morning Block I (10:00-12:15)
I. Informed Consent and Orientation (10:00-10:30)
A. Obtain each participant's Informed Consent form (15 Minutes)
1. Greet each participant as she arrives.
2. Invite the group to gather in a circle. Review guidelines on confidentiality and participation.
a. Participation as voluntary
b. Researcher will keep all identities of participants confidential. Participants are asked to also keep confidentiality of co-participants.
B. Orientation (15 Minutes)
1. Researcher provides pertinent information
a. Space (bathrooms, exits, etc.)
b. Schedule (breaks, and ending time)
c. General overview of procedures to follow
II. Introduction and Opening Ritual (10:30-11:05)
A. Invocation and speaking names into the circle (10 minutes)
B. Creation of altar of callings: Each participant places the symbol on the altar that they were asked to bring and shares for up to three minutes about their vision and what drew them to the study. (25 minutes)
III. Evoking and Expressing Sequence (11:05-12:00)
A. Explanation of following exercise. (1 minute) 213 B. Speaking as if living my calling exercise (27 minutes)
C. Creation of the altar of obstacles (27 minutes)
D. Break (15 minutes)
Morning Block II (12:15 -1:10)
E. Draw relationship between the calling and the obstacle (20 minutes)
F. Express something about drawing to the group (20 minutes)
G. Letter from the Child Self (15 minutes)
Begins with two questions:
1. Who was the greatest support of your dreams growing up and how did s/he show it?
2. Who most inhibited the expression of your dreams growing up, and how?
3. Letter from child to adult self.
H. Lunch Break (30 minutes)
Afternoon Block I (1:40-3:30) I. Explanation of driving to outdoor location (5 minutes)
J. Driving to location of next exercise (10 minutes)
K. Introduction and Guided Meditation (10 minutes)
L. Seeking calling nature symbols (20 minutes)
M. Writing from the voice of the Earth (15 minutes)
1. Earth, what are you telling me about my calling?
2. Earth, in what way can I connect with you as an ally?
3. Earth, how can I move through the obstacles that I face in engaging my calling?
N. Sharing about letter from Earth (15 minutes)
O. Seeking obstacle nature symbols (20 minutes)
P. Journaling dialogue with the obstacle (15 minutes) 214 1. What do you do for me?
2. When did you first come into being?
3. Why, or in response to what?
4. Are you related to a specific experience or person in my life?
5. What do you most fear?
6. What do you most hope for?
7. Does being a woman play any role in this?
Q. Drive back to the Common Well in silence (10 minutes)
R. Break (10 minutes)
Afternoon Block II (3:45-5:05)
S. Expression of obstacle with aesthetic response (15 minutes)
T. Expression of calling with aesthetic response (15 minutes)
1. What have you learned today about your calling?
2. What have you learned today about your obstacle?
3. What have you learned about the relationship between the two?
4. Name one action step that would help you engage your calling and that you can realistically take between now and our next meeting.
5. What ally can you call upon that could support you in taking this action?
U. Group shares about the action and ally.
V. Closing: Each person speaks a sentence from the voice of her ally into the circle. (5 minutes)
W. Release the directions (5 minutes)
X. Next and closing steps (5 minutes)
Y. Break (15 minutes)
Z. Meeting with co-researchers to debrief key moments (30 minutes)
215 Meeting Two (10:00-1:05)
I. Evoking and Expressing Sequence (10:00-11:15)
A. Speaking our names (5 minutes)
B. Journaling key moments in the research (15 minutes)
C. Group sharing of key moments (35 minutes)
D. Presentation of preliminary interpretations and journaling (20 minutes)
II. Interpreting Experience Sequence (11:15-12:10)
E. Group discussion on interpretations (40 minutes)
F. Break (15 minutes)
III. Integrating Experience Sequence (12:10-1:50)
G. Journal about action steps taken between meetings (15 minutes)
1. What have you learned about your calling?
2. What have you learned about your obstacle?
3. How have you moved through obstacles, and in what ways have you grown by doing so?
4. Anything else you would like to share?
H. Final sharing about what they have learned about themselves, and how they have grown as a result of having participated in this study (25 minutes)
I. Closing Ritual: Planting seed of intention (10 minutes)
J. Announcement: Summary of Learnings will be sent when dissertation is finished and approved (5 minutes)
K. Break (15 minutes)
L. Meeting with co-researchers to debrief key moments (30 minutes)
216
APPENDIX 4
INFORMED CONSENT
You are invited to participate in a study on women and the obstacles they face when engaging their calling. The purpose of this study is to better understand the inner impediments to women more fully and freely offering their gifts in the world.
Participation will involve art, and nature based explorations, journaling, group sharing, and attention to the body’s experience within a ritual container. This will take place in Marin, CA. and will involve two meetings. The first meeting will last for seven hours, and the second for three hours. Meeting dates are September 11th, and October 2, 2010. There will be a small homework assignment between the two meetings.
The meetings will at various times, be audio and/or videotaped and will later be transcribed. For the protection of your privacy, all tapes and transcripts will be kept confidential and your identity will be protected. Data will be stored in a locked file under my supervision. The only people who will have access to the data will be my co- researchers and a professional transcriber. In the reporting of information in published material, any information that might identify you will be altered to ensure your anonymity.
The study is of a research nature and there is no guarantee that it will be of direct benefit to you. The published findings however, may be useful to women who are looking for support in taking action on behalf of their calling. The study may also increase the understanding of the obstacles that keep women from moving forward in this area of their lives.
This study is designed to minimize potential risk to you. However, some of the procedures such as, speaking to the group as if you are fully living your calling now, may evoke emotions. These possible emotions could include, but are not limited to, fear, shame, anger and grief. If at any time you develop any concerns or questions, I will make every effort to discuss these with you. I, the researcher, cannot provide psychotherapy, but at your request, or using my personal judgment, will facilitate referrals to an appropriate mental health professional, if such a need should arise.
If you decide to participate in this research, you may withdraw your consent and discontinue your participation at any time, for any reason. Please note as well, that I, the researcher, may need to terminate your participation from the study at any point, and for any reason.
217 If you have any questions or concerns, you may call me at: xxx-xxx-xxx Monday thru Friday 12-4, or you may contact the Dissertation Director at Meridian University, 47 Sixth Street, Petaluma, CA. 94952, telephone: 707-765-1836. Meridian University assumes no responsibility for any psychological or physical injury resulting from this research.
I______, consent to participate in the study of women and the obstacles they face in engaging their calling. I have had this study explained to me by Aninha E. Livingstone. Any questions of mine about this research have been answered, and I have received a copy of this consent form. My participation in this study is entirely voluntary.
______Participant’s Signature Date
218
APPENDIX 5
WORD OF MOUTH ADVERTISEMENT
[The following is how I will, by word of mouth, communicate about the type of person I am looking for the research project.]
I am seeking women, who are 30 and older, to participate in a study about the obstacles women face when engaging their calling.
I am looking for women who feel called to a particular way of offering their gift in the world, and who feel challenged to bring their vision to fruition.
I would like participants who have a background in psycho-spiritual approaches to transformation, who have access to intuition, and imagination, and who enjoy art, nature and group process as healing approaches.
219
APPENDIX 6
INITIAL EMAIL AND INTERNET ADVERTISEMENT
[The following text will be sent out via email and craigslist]
I am seeking women to participate in a study regarding women’s experience of engaging their calling. The research is being conducted for my doctoral dissertation at
Meridian University for a Ph.D. in psychology.
This study is designed for women who experience an obstacle that inhibits action, when moving towards their calling. I am also looking for women who have access to their intuition, and a longing to contribute to the world. Participation in this group project will include your involvement in art activities, journaling, group sharing and time in nature. These activities are designed as an exploration of women and their relationship to their calling. The study will take place in Fairfax, in Marin County. The time commitment will be a seven-hour initial meeting, a follow-up three hour meeting three weeks later.
If you are interested, or know someone who might be please e-mail or have them e-mail me at [email protected].
Feel free to forward this email to anyone you know that might be drawn to participating in this study.
220
APPENDIX 7
FLYER ADVERTISEMENT
Do you feel you have a calling, but have difficulty responding to it?
I am seeking women to participate in a doctoral research study of the experiences of women who feel blocked when engaging their calling.
This study is designed for women of 30 and over who are in touch with gifts they wish to offer the world, but who feel challenged when it comes to taking action.
Participation in this group project will include activities such as art, journaling, group sharing and time in nature, all of which are designed as inner explorations.
The study will take place in Marin County and will require a commitment of two meetings: One seven-hour Saturday meeting and a second three- hour meeting. Food and refreshments are provided. There is no cost.
LOCATION: The Common Well in Fairfax, Marin
DATES & TIMES: September 11th from 10am to 5pm and October 2nd from 10am to 1pm
If you are interested in exploring the obstacles that inhibit you from acting on your calling, and in collaborating in this research as a participant, please call or email me for more information. 221
Aninha E. Livingstone at: xxx- xxx-xxxx Email: [email protected]
222
APPENDIX 8
DESCRIPTION OF IDEAL PARTICIPANT
Thank you for distributing the following to anyone whom you think might qualify and be interested.
I am looking for women who are interested in exploring the obstacles that keep them from moving toward their calling. Participants must be 30 years or older, and have a specific calling that they have wish to embody, but who feel blocked.
The ideal participant is one who has previous experience in psychological and spiritual work, who feels connected to her intuition, to nature, and who wishes to contribute to the healing of the world. She is also one who enjoys using art, journaling and time in nature as ways to grow.
I would appreciate it if you would forward this email to anyone who might relate to the challenge of bringing a vision into reality, or who might know other women who would relate to this area of inquiry.
Attached is the announcement with further details.
Thank you for your support,
Aninha E. Livingstone
223
APPENDIX 9
INITIAL EMAIL CONTACT
Thank you for your interest in my study on the obstacles that women face when engaging their calling. Your involvement in this project would consist of participating in two group meetings. We will be meeting on September 11th from 10:00 to 5:00, and on
October 2nd from 10:00-1:00 in Fairfax, in Marin County.
The first meeting will consist of explorations regarding your calling and the related obstacles. The format will draw on group sharing, art, time in nature, as well as journaling, guided meditation.
All sharing will be tape recorded for data gathering purposes. In preparation for the first meeting, you will be asked to bring two objects from home representing the vision that inspires you and the obstacle that binds you.
The second meeting will take place three weeks after the first one. This meeting will consist of a ritual opening and closing, writing related to the first gathering, the presentation of preliminary findings from the research, group discussion, and a final questionnaire.
All journaling, tape-recorded sharing and researchers’ notes will be used as data.
After the project is complete, I will send you my Summary of Learnings from the study.
If you are interested, please contact me to arrange a 20-minute screening interview by phone. Please include your telephone number and best times to reach you.
Aninha E. Livingstone (xxx) xxx-xxxx or email: [email protected] 224
APPENDIX 10
INITIAL PHONE CONTACT
As you probably already know, I am looking for women between from the age of
30 and older, who are interested in exploring the obstacles that arise when engaging their calling. We will be meeting on September 11th from 10:00 to 5:00, and three weeks later on October 2nd from 10:00-1:00 in Fairfax, Marin County.
If this still interests you, I need to ask a few screening questions to see if you match the criteria for the study, which I can ask over the phone. This will take about 20 minutes. Do you have the time now?
[If they answer ‘no’:] When would be a convenient time for you to conduct the screening interview?
225
APPENDIX 11
SCREENING CONTACT
[If a separate phone appointment has been established, I will reiterate a description of the study and how long the screening interview should last as follows.]
As I have mentioned, this study is designed to be a collaborative exploration into the experiences of women who feel blocked when engaging their soul’s calling. This screening interview will take about 20 minutes. After this phone call, I will review your answers and get back to you in a week to ten days to let you know if you match the criteria I need for the study and thus qualify to participate. Do you have any questions before we begin?
[If I decide to accept the participant following the screening interview, I will say the following.]
I would welcome having you join this research. I will be sending you a letter requesting that you bring a few things from home. For the process, I will ask that you bring two objects, one that represents your calling, and the other that represents the obstacle that most challenges you, in relation to your calling. For logistics, I will ask that you bring a bagged lunch and a watch.
Do you have any further questions at this time?
226
APPENDIX 12
SCREENING QUESTIONS
Name:______Date:______
Address:______
Telephone:______
1. What is your age?______Date of Birth______
2. Are you partnered/married?______How long?______
3. What interests you about this study?______
______
4. What is the calling that has been challenging for you to bring to fruition? ______
______
5. In one sentence what you say is your biggest obstacle? ______
______
6. Have you been in therapy before? ______How long?______
7. Have you participated in other forms of psychological, spiritual or group work?______
a) How would you describe your experience?______
______
______
227 8. Relationship with art: a) What is your relationship with doing art?______b) Are you comfortable doing art in a group setting?______
9. Relationship with nature: a) An aspect of the study takes place in nature. Are you comfortable with that? b How would you describe your relationship with nature?______
______c) How often do you spend time in nature?______
10. Relationship to intuition: a) How would you describe your relationship with your intuition?______
______b) Have you ever had any training in intuition? ______If so, what kind?
______
12. If you are accepted, you will be asked to bring two items from home, that have symbolic meaning to you. And there will be a small homework assignment between the two meetings. I will send you more detailed information later.
228
APPENDIX 13
ACCEPTING PARTICIPANTS
[I will contact interested participants by phone to let them know that I am accepting them for my study by saying the following.]
Hello, this is Aninha Livingstone. I am calling to let you know that you have been accepted to participate in my research on women and the obstacles they face when engaging their calling. We will be meeting on September 11th from 10:00-5:00, and on
October 2nd from 10:00-1:00 in Fairfax.
[If I am leaving a message:] Please call me to confirm your attendance or if you have any questions. Let me know when is a good time to call you to that we can speak in person and go over the nature and logistics of the study.
[If I am speaking with them in person:] Can you confirm that you will be able to attend these dates?
[If they are not available on one or more of these dates, I will inquire into dates that would work for them].
For the first meeting, I ask that you bring a symbol of the obstacle you face when moving toward your calling, and a symbol of an aspect of your calling that inspires you.
I will be sending you a letter of confirmation that includes these instructions, along with directions to where we will meet, and a copy of the Consent Form. Do you have any questions at this time?
229
APPENDIX 14
REJECTING PARTICIPANTS
[I will phone interested participants and let them know that I am not accepting them for my study by saying the following.]
Hello, this is Aninha Livingstone. I am calling to let you know that unfortunately, you have not met the specific criteria for my research project on obstacles women face when engaging their calling. I cannot therefore accept you into the study. I appreciate your interest. Unfortunately, I am looking for women who [name specific criteria]. Thank you very much for your interest.
230
APPENDIX 15
ACCEPTANCE LETTER
[I will email participants written information about the study that will include logistics regarding time, location and instructions for bringing their symbols from home.]
Dear [name of participant],
This letter is to confirm that you have been accepted to participate in my research on the obstacles women face when engaging their calling. We will meet on September
11th from 10:00 am to 5:00 pm, and on October 2nd from 10:00 am to 1:00 pm in Fairfax.
Food and refreshments will be provided.
I need to let you know that there is a risk in participating in this study. Deeper psychological issues might surface that would benefit from more personal one-on-one counseling. Although I cannot provide these services, I can offer a referral if you do not currently have a therapist, or someone with whom you could work.
During the first meeting you will be asked to fill out a Consent Form, which I have included in this letter. Please review the form, prior to the first meeting, in preparation for signing it at that time. Throughout the day, you will be asked to participate in opening ritual, somatic- based, art-based (supplies will be provided), and nature-based activities, journal writing and group sharing.
For this first meeting, I ask that you bring two symbols. The first symbol is to represent the obstacles you face when you engage your calling, and the second is to represent your calling. 231 The second meeting will take place three weeks later, and will consist of journaling, group sharing and presentation of preliminary learnings from the research, followed by your feedback.
All journal writing, tape recorded sharing, and researchers’ notes will be used as data. After the project is complete, I will send you my Summary of Learnings from the study.
I am looking forward to your participation in this study and hope that it will deepen your relationship to your calling. I have also enclosed directions to our meeting site. Please feel free to contact me if you have any questions prior to our first meeting on
September 11th or if any conflicts arise.
Sincerely,
Aninha Livingstone
232
APPENDIX 16
TELEPHONE REMINDER
[I will call the participants one week prior to the first scheduled meeting].
Hello [participant’s name],
I am calling to confirm your participating in my research on the obstacles women face when engaging destiny. We will be meeting September 11th from 10:00 am until
5:00 pm and on October 2nd from 10:00 to 1:00 pm in Fairfax.
Just to remind you, for the first meeting, I am asking that you bring two symbols.
The first is to represent an obstacle you face when engaging your calling, and the second is to represent a symbol of your calling that inspires you. You will also need a bagged lunch and a watch, or a timekeeper that is not a cellular phone.
I am looking forward to your participation in this study. Please feel free to contact me if you have any questions prior to our first meeting on September 11th.
My telephone number is (xxx) xxx-xxxx.
233
APPENDIX 17
NATURE OF STUDY AND REQUEST TO SIGN CONSENT FORM
[Before asking participants to sign the Informed Consent, I will say:]
Thank you for agreeing to participate. As you know this is a dissertation research project designed to explore the obstacle women face when engaging their calling. The methodology will utilize: somatic, art and nature based activities, journal writing and group sharing, all of which are designed to evoke insight into and expression of your experience. There will also be a small homework assignment between meetings.
I invite you to think of yourselves as collaborative participants throughout the two meetings. I am grateful for your participation in this area of study that will hopefully deepen the understanding of women’s relationship to calling. I also hope the experience is enriching for you as well.
I remind you that this is research and certain procedures need to be followed. At various times in the inquiry, I will ask for your verbal and/or written expression of your feelings or insights, which will constitute my data. I will therefore be tape recording, and video recording some of the portions of the day. At times, I will ask you to write your experience in a journal. This journal will stay with me so that I can transcribe it. I will return it to you at the end of the research project. All data will be kept confidential. Are there any questions?
I would like to note that signing the Informed Consent assures that I will keep your identities confidential and that you agree to keep other participant’s identities confidential as well. My identity and the identity of my co-researchers do not need to be 234 held in confidence. You may discuss anything that my co-researchers or I do or say with anyone outside of this study. Do you have any questions regarding the confidentiality issues?
Has everyone signed a Consent Form and received a journal? [If not, I will have them do so at this time]. 235 APPENDIX 18
LOGISTICS, CONFIDENTIALITY, AND DESCRIPTION OF ACTIVITIES
[During the opening of the first meeting, I will go over the logistics, confidentiality issues and give a brief description of the activities].
I’d like to give some logistical information. There is one bathroom through this door, and immediately on your right. Feel free to use the restroom whenever you need. In the entry room there is water and tea as well as refreshments. You are welcome to help yourself. Today’s meeting will last approximately seven hours.
Some of the exercises might catalyze unexpected or deeply felt emotions. If for any reason during this study you feel unsafe, or do not want to participate, please speak with Laura or Shira, my co-researchers, or me in private, and we will see how we can accommodate your needs.
As this is research, there will be time limits for sharing. You are encouraged to feel into the heart of what you wish to say so that the essence of your experience is shared. Laura will be the timekeeper for the day.
In addition, I will need to accurately capture all verbal and written expressions as data. I will therefore need to keep your journals until the research is complete. If you would like them back after that please let me know, and I will mail them to you. Are there any questions before we proceed?
We will begin with an invocation. We will then create an altar to your callings.
You will each have the opportunity to share your symbol and its’ meaning, and what drew you to this study.
236
APPENDIX 19
INVOCATION
[When I do invocations I allow myself to be moved in the moment. The following is a script that might approximate what I will say. I invoke in the tradition of the Quechua of Peru as that is the lineage I have been initiated into.].
Winds of the South, Hatun Amaru, Serpiente, we call you here today in this time and this place to be with us as we explore our calling and that which keeps us from full engagement with it. We ask for your help to see in what ways we continue to live in a skin that binds us and needs to be shed. Please teach us your ways. Teach us to shed our skins so that we may live in greater alignment with our purpose.
Winds of the West, Hatun Choquechinchay, jaguar, we call you here today to be with us as we look into the eyes of death. As we enter the void, the mystery, in hopes that we will die to that which no longer serves. You who live in the west where the sun sets and brings us to darkness, we call on you. May we open to the fertile darkness from which all great things begin.
Winds of the North, Hatun Viejos, great grandmothers, great grandfathers, ancestors who watch over us, guide us and protect us, we call on you, for you are the ones who know the wounding and the potential in our lineages. Come and be with us today. Shed light on those places so that we may move more freely toward the potential we carry, so that we may offer our gifts to the world, so that future generations remember us well. 237 Winds of the East, Hatun Apuchin, Condor, please fly into our circle on this day. Grant us vision as we explore our callings, that we may see as you do, from above, that we may see the great pattern of our lives as it is, and as it longs to be. Hatun
Apuchin, we call you here and the light of day and new beginnings. We ask for your blessing and guidance.
Pachamama, Great Mother Earth, we call you here in this circle on this day with these women. Pachamama, please come and fill us with your holding and love. We are here to remember our true nature as part of you. Help us to remember our purpose, as do the bees, butterflies and whales. Help us to remember our place in the great web of life, that we may do you honor. Thank you for all that you give, Pachamama, may we learn to live in reciprocity.
And to the Great Mystery, the Great Unknown, You who have a thousand names, you who cannot be named, we ask that you hold us today in this circle and guide us as we explore the deep river of creation that wishes to move through us, and the boulders in our path that may have served at one point, but no longer do. Please be with us and help us to remember how to be with you.
238
APPENDIX 20
SPEAKING NAMES INTO THE CIRCLE
[Following the invocation, we will invite participants to speak their names into the circle.]
In order to help you arrive, I invite you to each speak your name into the circle.
The group will respond by repeating your name three times.
239
APPENDIX 21
INSTRUCTIONS: CREATION OF ALTAR OF CALLINGS
[Following the opening invocation, we will move into our first activity, which will open with these words.]
We will now create an altar of callings. When it is your turn please place your symbol of an aspect of your calling on the altar and tell us your name. You will have three minutes to share about your symbol. Laura will rattle when you have 30 seconds left, and then again at the end.
Anyone is welcome to begin. We will then go counter clockwise around the circle. If you are not ready when it is your turn, you may pass. We will come around a second time for those who may have passed.
240
APPENDIX 22
INSTRUCTIONS: AS IF LIVING MY CALLING
[Following the altar of calling exercise, I will ask participants to come to a designated space created between the two altars for the, As If Living My Calling activity.]
We will now gather in a semi-circle. [Once they are gathered, I will begin giving instructions.] You will now each have an opportunity to stand in front of the group and speak to us in the present tense, as if you are now living your calling.
Imagine that you are fully engaged in living your calling, or an aspect of it that arises in this moment. Tell us in detail about what you are doing in your life, and how you experience yourself as you live aligned with your dreams. As best you can enter into a place of imagination in which this is real for you.
At two minutes, Laura will rattle, and you will have a minute to report any thoughts, emotions, or bodily experiences that arose while doing the exercise.
The person on the left will begin and we will move to the right. As I mentioned earlier, if you are not yet ready, feel free to pass and we will come back to you.
[After Laura rattles, I will say the following:] Take a moment before you share to breath, and notice what thoughts, emotions, or bodily experiences that are here.
241
APPENDIX 23
INSTRUCTIONS: CREATION OF ALTAR OF OBSTACLES
[Following the, As if Living your Calling exercise, I will introduce the next activity.]
We will now create an altar of obstacles. There is another altar here that we can circle around. Please bring the symbol of your obstacle. [Once everyone is seated around the altar, I will give instructions.]
You will each have three minutes to share about your symbol and the obstacles you face when you wish to engage your calling. Again, I will gently shake the rattle when the three minutes is up.
242
APPENDIX 24
BREAK
[Following the creation of the altar of obstacles, there will be a 15-minute break.]
We will now have a fifteen-minute break. Feel free to help yourself to the snacks provided. It is now noon. I will ring the chimes at 12:15, at which point we will re-gather here.
243
APPENDIX 25
DRAWING THE RELATIONSHIP BETWEEN THE CALLING AND THE OBSTACLE
[Following the break, I will ask participants to draw their calling and obstacle on one piece of paper.]
Please return to a circle formation and someone will pass out paper and pastels for you. When you receive them, you may begin drawing both your calling and the obstacle or obstacles you face. Please draw them as you experience their relationship as they live inside you.
[After giving a minute notice to start to bring the drawing to a close, I will say the following:]
When you are finished, please write one word for your calling, and one for the obstacle, anywhere you would like to, on the paper.
244
APPENDIX 26
EXPRESSING ABOUT DRAWING TO GROUP
[Following drawing relationship between calling and obstacle, the group will share about their drawing.]
I now invite you to take up to three minutes to share something about your drawing of the relationship between your calling and your obstacle
245
APPENDIX 27
INSTRUCTIONS: LETTER FROM THE CHILD SELF
[Following expressing to the group about the drawing of the relationship between their calling and obstacle, I will ask participants to write a letter to themselves from their child self.]
Please take out the journal in front of you and for the next 15 minutes, respond to the first two questions:
1. Who was the greatest support of your dreams growing up and how did she or
he show it?
2. Who most inhibited your dreams growing up, and how?
Take a moment to bring this to a close. And now allow yourself to access the voice of the child within you. Write a letter to your adult self from the voice of the child in response to the answers you just wrote.
[At the end of 15 minutes I will say the following:]
Please take a moment to finish your sentence and then come to a pause even if you feel there is more you could say. When you are ready, thank your child self for coming and in whatever way feels right for you, release her. With gentle attention, come back to your breath and your body. 246
APPENDIX 28
LUNCH BREAK
We will now have a 35-minute lunch break. I request that during this break you maintain silence to support the deepening of the work. Allow yourself to maintain a connection to your inner experience during this time.
You are welcome to eat indoors or across the street on the grass. We will ring the chimes 10 minutes before we gather and then again at 1:40.
It is now 1:30. We will be reconvening in 10 minutes to begin our outdoor portion of the day. I will ring the chimes at 1:40 and we will meet back in this room.
247
APPENDIX 29
INSTRUCTIONS: DRIVING TO OUTDOORS LOCATION
[Following the lunch break, the participants will gather indoors and receive instructions for driving to the outdoor location.]
We will now be moving into outdoor explorations of your calling and obstacle.
There will be a short drive, which is under five minutes long. I encourage you to carpool.
Please continue to maintain silence on route in order to stay more connected to your inner experience.
248
APPENDIX 30
PREPARATORY GUIDED MEDITATION
[Following the drive to the outdoor location, I will lead the participants through a preparatory guided meditation.]
Before I give instructions for the next exercise, I will lead you through a short, guided imagery.
Begin by taking a few deep breaths. On each inhale, feel yourself breathing in the sky. On each exhale offering your breath to the plants. [pause]
Begin to pay attention to smell as you breath. [pause]
Now, gently shift your attention to sound, noticing the sounds in front of you, behind you and to your sides. [pause]
Notice sounds close to you, at medium distance, and at the edge of your capacity to hear. [pause]
Again gently shifting your attention now to your kinesthetic channel. What sensations does your skin feel? Allow yourself to notice temperature and the quality of the air on your skin. Where does it touch you? How does it meet you? [pause]
When you are ready, with a very soft gaze, allow yourself to let visual impressions come to you. Allow yourself to see with childlike wonder. [pause]
And lastly, allow all your senses to be present. In addition, allow a sense that includes, but is larger than your physical senses, to be present. There is no need to do anything. Simply open to the possibility of an even more refined capacity to sense.
249
APPENDIX 31
INSTRUCTIONS: FINDING A SYMBOL OF YOUR SOUL
[Following the meditation into the senses, I will invite participants to find a symbol on the land.]
From this place, ask the earth to guide you to a symbol of who you are on the deepest level. This is not necessarily about what you do in the world, but about the mystery that you are. You do not have to understand the symbol you are drawn to. It may be something you do not expect. You only have to trust your sense of where you are being drawn.
I will ring the chimes at 15 minutes, and once again at 20, at which point it is time to return. If you do not have a watch with you, please stay close enough to hear the chimes. If you find your symbol in a short amount of time, I invite you to stay with your symbol where you found it and remain in a receptive state. Please do not engage in conversation with others during this time.
If it feels right, you may bring the symbol back with you. If not, simply allow yourself to bring back the essence of its message.
250
APPENDIX 32
INSTRUCTIONS: WRITINGS FROM THE EARTH
[Following the seeking of a nature symbol of calling, I will invite participants to write a letter to themselves, from the earth.]
Using your journal now, I invite you to allow the voice of the earth to answer the two questions you will see at the top of the page:
1. Earth, what are you telling me about my calling?
2. Earth, in what way can I connect with you as an ally?
3. Earth, how can I move through the obstacles I face in engaging my calling?
[After 14 minutes, I will say the following:]
Please begin to bring the writing to a close. If you feel called to, you might want to add a last line of your own, giving thanks for the earth’s response.
251
APPENDIX 33
LETTER FROM THE EARTH GROUP SHARING
[Following the letter from the earth, I will ask participants to share their experience.]
Before we go out on the land again, I invite each of you to share a sentence or two from your writing that touched you in some way and furthered your understanding of yourself.
252
APPENDIX 34
INSTRUCTIONS: SEEKING A NATURE SYMBOL OF THE OBSTACLE
[Following the writing of the letter from the earth, I will give instructions for finding a symbol of their obstacle.]
Let’s take a few breaths in preparation for going out on the land again. Feel yourself sinking back into your breath and your senses, both your physical senses and your more subtle senses. [pause]
We will now have an opportunity to ask the earth for another symbol. This time you will be asking to be drawn to a symbol that represents the greatest obstacle you face in engaging your soul’s calling. What keeps you from expressing your gifts in the world?
You will have 20 minutes. I will ring the chimes at 15 minutes to let you know you have five minutes remaining. I will ring the chimes again at 20, and we will gather here. As I mentioned earlier, if you do not have a watch, please remain within hearing range of the chimes.
Again, if you find your symbol before twenty minutes, I invite you to stay with your symbol in a receptive state, taking note of the surroundings in which you found it.
Allow yourself to receive nature’s mirroring of your own true nature. 253
APPENDIX 35
JOURNALING WITH OBSTACLE
[Following the seeking of the obstacle symbol in nature, I will invite participants to journal from the voice of the obstacle.]
I invite you now to take the journal and pen being handed out, and allow yourself to speak from the voice of the obstacle as you answer the following questions:
1. What role or function do you play in my life?
2. When did you first come into my life?
3. In response to what?
4. Are you related to a specific experience or person in my life?
5. What are you most afraid of?
6. What do you most yearn for?
7. How does being a woman play any role in this?
254
APPENDIX 36
INSTRUCTIONS: DRIVING BACK TO COMMON WELL
[Following the dialogue with the obstacle journaling, I will invite participants
We will now return to the Common Well where we first convened. When we arrive, there will be a 15-minute break with snacks provided. We will gather again at
3:45. Please stay on site, or across the street on the grass during the break.
255
APPENDIX 37
AFTERNOON BREAK
[Following the drive back from the outdoor exercises, there will be a 15-minute break, which was scripted in the previous appendix.
256 APPENDIX 38
INSTRUCTIONS: EXPRESSION OF OBSTACLE WITH AESTHETIC RESPONSE
[Following the afternoon break, I will invite participants to join in a standing circle and to express the obstacle they explored in the previous two exercises.]
You will now have an opportunity to express the obstacle you have been exploring through movement and/or sound, and after through words. Each person will have a turn in the center of the circle. After you enter, I invite you to take a moment to reconnect with the obstacle before you begin. How does it live in your body? What color is it? How does it want to move? What sound does it want to make? Allow an organic expression to arise. This is not a performance, but rather a way to allow the obstacle embodied expression. Laura will rattle after a minute at which point you can allow a sentence to arise that speaks to what you know about your calling in this moment.
After each person’s turn, there will be a few moments for the rest of the group to respond without words to the person who has just taken a turn. You may want to respond with a gesture, a sound, or both. Laura will rattle at the completion of the response.
257
APPENDIX 39
INSTRUCTIONS: EXPRESSION OF THE CALLING WITH AESTHETIC RESPONSE
[Following the expression of the obstacle, I will invite the participants to do the same in relation to their calling.]
You will now have the opportunity to bring your experience with your calling to the circle. Before you begin, allow yourself to take a moment in the circle to breath and reconnect with your calling. Remember what nature revealed to you, and take a moment to feel what happens in your body as you tune into it. How does your calling want to move? Is there an impulse you are aware of right now? What sound does it want to express? Allow an organic expression of your calling to arise. As before, Laura will rattle after one minute at which point you can shift into words, allowing a sentence to form that describes what you know about your calling in that moment.
After each person has her turn, the group is invited to respond again in a non- verbal way. Laura will shake the rattle after one minute for the expression, and then again after the response.
258
APPENDIX 40
JOURNALING ABOUT ACTION, OBSTACLE AND ALLY
[Following the expression of the calling, I will invite participants to journal.]
Please return to the circle where you will find a journal and pen. Please take the next twenty minutes to answer the questions.
1. What have you learned today about your calling?
2. What have you learned today about your obstacle?
3. What have you learned about the relationship between the two?
4. Name one action step that would help you engage your calling and that you
can realistically take between now and our next meeting.
5. What ally can you call upon that could support you in taking this action?
259
APPENDIX 41
GROUP SHARING ABOUT AN ACTION AND AN ALLY
[Following the journaling about action, obstacle and ally, I will ask participants to share on that topic.]
Please take a moment to breath and feel how you are affected by answering these questions. Now, in a sentence or two, please name an action you would like to take and an ally that can help you in this endeavor.
260
APPENDIX 42
CLOSING: A SENTENCE FROM THE VOICE OF THE ALLY
[Following the sharing on action, obstacle and ally, I will invite participants to close by sharing a sentence from the voice of the ally.]
For our final closing, I invite you each to open to the voice of your ally. Allow yourself to enter a receptive state and when it is your turn, speak a sentence that the ally would like to say to you. When all have shared, I will ring the chimes and release the directions.
261
APPENDIX 43
RELEASE OF THE DIRECTIONS
[Following the sentence from the ally, I will release the directions.]
Winds of the South, Hatun Amaru, we thank you for your presence on this day.
Thank you for helping us to see more clearly the places that bind us, and for helping us to loosen the hold they have on us. In gratitude, we release you.
Winds of the West, Hatun Choquechinchay, you who connects the worlds, the seen and the unseen, we thank you for being with us on this day. We are grateful for all the moments in which we were able to act out of not knowing and to trust the mystery.
May we allow our lives to continue to unfold from your fertile darkness. We release you in gratitude.
Winds of the North, Hatun Viejos, ancestors, thank you for being with us on this day, in this place. Thank you for guiding our journey together and teaching us about the medicine we carry as well as the wounds we are here to heal, for the future as well as the past generations. May we continue to hear you in the many ways that you communicate.
We release you in gratitude.
Winds of the East, Hatun Apuchin, we give thanks for your presence today.
Thank you for opening us up to new possibilities, and new ways of seeing. We are grateful for your visionary ways, and how you remind us of our own ability to soar. For this we thank you, and release you.
Pachamama, we thank you today for holding us in this circle, and for giving us life. We honor you as our mother, and ask that we continue to grow in our knowledge 262 that we are in fact you, and that the dream that wishes to live through us is your dream. May we continue to feed our relationship with you, and offer our gifts to the world in your honor. Thank you and we release you.
Wiracocha, Great Mystery, we thank you for this day, for this life, and for the mystery that we are. In gratitude we release you.
And lastly to the allies that watch over each of us, that guide us, teach us and heal us, we are grateful. We release you.
263
APPENDIX 44
NEXT STEPS AND CLOSING
[Following the gesture and word, I will remind participants about our next meeting.]
In closing, I want to thank you for your participation today and remind you that we will meet again in three weeks on October 2nd at 10:00 am. At that time I will share my preliminary findings from this research and will invite you to collaborate through your feedback. Your feedback will be an invaluable aspect to the final conclusions made.
Are there any questions?
[Answer questions.]
Thank you again, and if you wish to speak with one another, please do so outside as we will need to de-brief in this room.
264
APPENDIX 45
OPENING OF SECOND MEETING
[Following a three-week break we will reconvene.]
Welcome back to our second and final meeting. We will start with a few minutes of silence to gather and ground ourselves. [After a few minutes:] I welcome you each to say your name into the circle. We will all respond by repeating your name three times.
Before we begin our first activity, I would like to remind you that there is a bathroom directly out this door and to the right. The key is hanging next to the door. Please return the key when you are done. Also, there are refreshments which you can help yourself to, and we will be taking a short break later.
265
APPENDIX 46
INSTRUCTIONS: JOURNAL ABOUT KEY MOMENTS
[Following the introductions, I will ask participants to journal about key moments.]
Before I share my initial findings, I would like to ask you to journal about your own perception of the key moments during the research. You will have 15 minutes to do this. You can do this on the blank sheet provided for you. Please write your name at the top now. Again, simply write your key moments that occurred during our last meeting.
266
APPENDIX 47
GROUP SHARING OF KEY MOMENTS
[Following journaling of key moments, I will invite participants to share about their key moments.]
Now, as your feedback is essential to this study, I would like to invite you to share what you perceived as the key moments that occurred during our last time together.
267
APPENDIX 48
PRESENTATION OF PRELIMINARY FINDINGS
[Following group sharing of key moments, I will present the preliminary findings.]
I will now be presenting the five central learnings that have come out of this study so far. I will be reading one learning at a time, after which you will have a few minutes to journal about your response. I will then open it up for discussion after all the learnings have been presented.
As I have stated before, your feedback is an essential aspect of this research, so I invite your candid responses. As you listen, take note of what resonates and what does not.
Because what I am about to share is part of the Learnings Chapter of my dissertation, it is written in third person. In addition, when referring to you, I say “the participants.” For now, I am using your names, but will be changing them in my submission.
I have given each learning a title, and a summary sentence. I then elaborate on the learning, as you will see.
268
APPENDIX 49
GROUP DISCUSSION OF FINDINGS
[Following the presentation of the preliminary findings, I will invite the group into a discussion of the findings.]
Now that you have heard the findings and had a chance to reflect on them yourselves through writing, I would like to now invite you into a group discussion concerning the findings.
269
APPENDIX 50
BREAK
[Following the presenting the preliminary findings, there will be a 15- minute break.]
We will now take a 15-minute break. I will ring the chimes at _____ at which point we will continue.
270
APPENDIX 51
FINAL JOURNALING
[Following the break, I will ask participants to do a final journaling.]
Please respond to the questions on the handout. You will have 15 minutes for this.
1. What have you learned about your calling?
2. What have you learned about your obstacle(s)?
3. How have you moved through obstacles, and in what way have you grown in
doing so?
4. Is there anything else you would like to share?
271
APPENDIX 52
FINAL SHARING
[Following the final journaling, I will invite the participants to share.]
As we move to the close of our time together, I would like to invite you to share what you have learned about yourself, and how you have grown, as a result of having participated in this study.
272
APPENDIX 53
CLOSING: PLANTING A SEED OF INTENTION
[Following the final sharing, I will invite the participants to seed their dreams in the earth.]
To close, I would like to offer each of you a seed to plant into the earth before you. Please take the seeds that are being passed around, hold it in your hand, and allow yourself to feel into the dreams that you long to live out more fully. Imagine yourself embodying your calling. Allow the thoughts, feelings and sensations of living your calling to arise within you. And when you are ready, blow them all into the seed.
We will now go around in a circle. Each woman can take her seed and with her full intention for that seed to grow to fruition, plant it in the rich soil in the bowl in the center. As you do, you may speak one word that captures your intent. We will all repeat your word three times.
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APPENDIX 54
CLOSING COMMENTS
[Following the closing ritual, I will make a few closing comments.]
I will be sending you my final Summary of Learnings after I have completed my dissertation, and my Dissertation Committee has approved it.
I would like to remind you that it would be helpful if you gathered your things and saved any talking for outside, as my co researchers and I need to meet in here.
If you have any questions or would like to further de-brief, feel free to call me. I have cards by the door on your way out.
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APPENDIX 55
SUMMARY OF DATA
Screening Interviews
Julianna: What interests you about this study? My soul’s calling. There is more to life than finding a job. What is the calling that has been most challenging for you to bring to fruition? I don’t have a clear calling. It keeps trying to crystallize. I want to be of service. In one sentence, what would you say is your biggest obstacle? A sense of efficiency.
Ariana: What interests you about this study? Fear of putting myself out there has been part of my issue. I have chronic fatigue and I am thinking of working more. What is the calling that has been most challenging for you to bring to fruition? Being a healer, shaman, and writer. In one sentence, what would you say is your biggest obstacle? Fear. It’s probably irrational, but I fear if I step forward I will get hurt, like a target.
Cynthia: What interests you about this study? I am thinking of going on a long-term retreat that would take me out of my job. I feel nervous. I feel an inner conflict. What is the calling that has been most challenging for you to bring to fruition? To immerse myself more in Tibetan Buddhist Practices. In one sentence, what would you say is your biggest obstacle? Myself. Confidence. Work challenges I would encounter.
Bernadette: What interests you about this study? I am feeling stuck. How do I move out of seeing the obstacle instead of the opportunity? What is the calling that has been most challenging for you to bring to fruition? Doing film documentaries, and events at Burning Man Camp. In one sentence, what would you say is your biggest obstacle? A basic lack of trust that things will work out for me personally. Not feeling held by the universe.
275 Naomi: What interests you about this study? I feel I haven’t allowed myself to follow my calling. What is the calling that has been most challenging for you to bring to fruition? To devote myself to the National Park Service. I have raised kids for 27 years. It’s time for me to put myself first. In one sentence, what would you say is your biggest obstacle? It is difficult to leave my family, and I would be taking a financial hit.
Laurel: What interests you about this study? It feels like a match. What is the calling that has been most challenging for you to bring to fruition? Creative multi-media production. In one sentence, what would you say is your biggest obstacle? I don’t know. Self-conscious, insecure. I am stuck in a support role. Fear of shining in the spotlight.
Martina: What interests you about this study? I feel blocked. I want to heal my life and follow my passions. What is the calling that has been most challenging for you to bring to fruition? Shamanic work, Thai massage. Not going for it full on. I blame it on having a child. In one sentence, what would you say is your biggest obstacle? Lack of self-worth.
Molly: What interests you about this study? It describes me to a T. I know what I need to be doing. Maybe it is fear. What is the calling that has been most challenging for you to bring to fruition? I wanted to start a healing center and thought maybe if I get my masters. But I still lack something…motivation? In one sentence, what would you say is your biggest obstacle? Fear.
Symbols of Calling from Nature
Earth, what are you telling me about my calling?
Julianna’s symbol: bark You show me that intricate, important essential things happen away from our direct perception, that there are universes within universes waiting to be discovered. You show me that what may appear as waste or debris may in fact be a dwelling that houses many creatures. You show me that nothing goes to waste, that we need to look carefully, behind 276 the façade, to appreciate all that is going on. You remind me that it is important to develop the eyes and ears to see and hear spirit at work in nature and in human beings.
Ariana’s symbol: pine needles You will be happier connecting regularly. Evergreen steady energy flows to and from me to you to me to you to me. I welcome you.
Cynthia’s symbol: a leaf falling in mid-air Let go. All things die. All things arise and are born from space and then rise to their glory, and then fade away. You are also part of this process, like a leaf falling from a tree, with ease, grace, and simplicity. You can let go of what was, and be held in the mystery of space, like the leaf falling in the air. We are constantly falling.
Bernadette’s symbol: a dead bird Slow down. Feel your feet. Feel the breeze as it brushes your ears, your arms, your fingertips. Feel me beneath you. Feel my strength. Know I am here. Know you can count on me. Know you are not alone. Don’t believe the voices in your head that tell you that you are alone. In order to really manifest all my gifts, I have to stop depleting myself. I have to fully recharge my energy. I have to put a 100 percent focus on my body’s well-being.
Naomi’s symbol: a fallen leaf The life of a leaf is very short in the grand scheme of things… Just like me. My life is short. It has seasons to follow. It has its own unique span the end of which is a mystery. I must live my life fully, shedding the pain of guilt and “I have tos.” I must fully engage my calling while I am healthy, invigorated and inspired.
Laurel’s symbol: a sticker and a pinecone Open and unfurl like a pine cone so my “seeds” can be released and germinate. My tension and contraction may have served to protect them while I was developing, but at a certain point it is time to surrender and expand. Also: keep my eyes open and honor my vision (on every level) as a true blessing of the human experience that I’m here to celebrate.
Martina’s symbol: moss and a stone Your calling requires that you be solid and strong like a rock. Feel its smooth exterior and how firm and grounded it is. As well be like the moss that hangs from the tree. Its strands are intricate yet light and airy allowing it to effortlessly move with the winds that sometimes pass through.
Molly’s symbol: a feather There is a sense of freedom in honoring my calling. I have such a connection to birds that it doesn’t surprise me that it was a feather that I was attracted to. I would like to know the type of bird that feather comes from and look at its symbolism to find a deeper meaning.
277 Aesthetic Expression of Calling
Julianna: “I am present” Crouching down towards the ground sweeping arms down, like gathering something from earth, she sings a low consistent note, standing up she sings a higher and higher note, looking up, arms extended out and open upward, singing the highest note, she repeats this, moving down to gather and then back up again, then hands to chest
Ariana: “I’ll give what I can when I can and go into bliss as much as I can.” Eyes closed, hands over head, smile on face, deep breath, hand together in prayer, looks at individual people making eye contact, back to eyes closed, eyes closed arms raised over head.
Cynthia: “Sit like a tree.” Down to the floor in prostrations/salutations, bowing, head to ground, hands gathered together in front of her chest, red face, tears, a little shaking in her body as tears fall, sitting lotus, staring focused in front of her, big chest breathing, that slowly gets slower and calmer and then she reaches a place of stillness.
Bernadette: “Ease” Spinning, feet gently carving circles and arcs on the ground, arms extended but soft and subtly moving up and down, then arms up and moving around, hands encircle each other.
Naomi: “Let me emerge from the confinement of guilt and embrace the light.” Starts in little ball near the ground then slowly stands with and arms stretched out.
Laurel: “I make music…” Left arm up, right arm moving back and forth, as if she is playing a violin, eyes closed and face soft and calm, hands to ears, arms moving up and down (as if conducting), spinning hands around each other, bowing and then hands in prayer position in front of heart.
Martina: “I am love.” Sings, “I am loved, I am love, I am loving…” getting louder and more clear as she sings. She then rushes back to her spot and forgets about the group giving her an aesthetic response. She returns to the spot and willingly receives the group.
Molly: “I just want to be free.” Spinning and humming, leaping periodically with arms extended, soft look on her face, hands gently flapping.
Altar of Obstacles
Julianna: a calculator. I have been working as a bookkeeper for the last six years. I am not good at math but I am organized and detailed. My Virgo qualities tend to take over. I am managing our family in that way and I have become like a little taskmaster for my husband, and my daughter. I don't like the way I have become. I don't like the energy for myself. It is the opposite of where I really want to be which is deeply present with one thing. This 278 calculator represents for me the fragmentation. I am fragmented in my intentions, in my actions, in my relationships and it is part of what is happening with all the phones and being interrupted, being online. And I realize it's partly because of having a child this interruption that I have to constantly attend to something that's going on for her. And then I create a dysfunctional behavior around that, where I find myself going online in these moments in between or shopping. I want to get away from that and I don't know how to. It's so ingrained in me now. I know that being in nature does that for me. Unorganized nature, not manicured, that doesn't do it for me. It has to be wild nature. Then I get to this place of remembering a bigger more expanded aspect of myself that goes beyond all of these things and that's where I really want to be. And that's why I try to create these things in my life that can remind me of that part of me. I know that I am bigger than a taskmaster.
Ariana’s symbol: Just do it from Nike, healing chart for Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. I am realizing thinking about this that fear is the main thing when it comes to an obstacle. The thing I thought of before was self-confidence. What can I get to represent that? I was going to tear off the just do it signed from Nike. The other obstacle is Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. I have this healing chart that represents my healing journey. But what I really want to talk about are two things. I had this profound healing session a couple of months ago that was releasing a lifetime obstacle from a clitorectomy in Angola in 790 A.D. and I feel less fear. (Voice sound surprised, intonation goes up.) I just feel this fear of dealing with people and always being afraid of what could happen because I've often had this feeling if I put myself out in the world it's like painting a big target on myself and I am going to get hurt. And that made a huge shift too.. I just started seeing this guy who doesn't usually talk about past life stuff. I told him about that story and he said and you were in Atlantis too and I said yeah, I've heard that too. Some psychic told me I had a memory of being blown up in an airplane or rocket ship. He said you were a general and your own people sabotaged you. God I feel like crying talking about this. So there's such a feeling if I put myself out in the world even people who have good intentions for me could hurt me and screw me. So that's like a huge obstacle of what could happen if I put myself out in the world.
Cynthia’s Symbol: research papers. This is my job as a researcher at UCSF. I studied the effects of meditation on stress and health and it is a very different experience doing research than practicing, but that's a surface level. A deeper level of the obstacle is this sense of how I get entangled with that work. It brings up feelings of obligation, of meeting other people's expectations of success. I do some of this to establish that meditation is a legitimate enterprise in itself, to my parents. If I can make it legitimate in society scientifically and show the benefits then it won't seem as wild or crazy. Then I can go off to do practice full-time. I feel this dualism with this western world and this eastern spiritual calling. I feel like it's operating within me and so I go back and forth. Sometimes (begins to cry) I want to hang on to this work identity because it gives me a sense of control, comfort, familiarity, prestige, and status. It is very scary to think of letting all that go. Then who am I? Just a speck of dust, a nobody. It is so scary to release and to trust myself and not trust someone else's idea.
279 Bernadette’s symbol: A rubber stamp with a complex design of interlocking lines. One of the things that made me choose this when I was looking for an obstacle, when I looked at it, I thought about how complicated my life is and how I feel like I am constantly bumping into barriers and a lot of them are just my own internal stories, but they are really deeply ingrained. They don't come up to the level of consciousness, so I don't feel like I have control over them. There is a lot of pleasure for me [referencing leading movement work) as well and then at some point that can turn on itself and become extremely stressful and painful. There is a point where my ego gets involved and then it just isn't fun at all and it really hurts. At some point I realized I was watching people blossom and develop and then at some point I felt immense personal pain because I wasn't getting what I wanted. I wasn't having fun. I wasn't getting to dance and I was in immense physical pain the whole time. (voice shaky) I am having a hard time understanding what I'm supposed to do. Why did God give me these gifts to create and then kind of not help me make it really... go the distance, all the way. I don't get it.
Naomi’s symbol: photo of family. My obstacle is my family, my dog, my mother and my kids. It's not their fault they are my obstacle. It makes me guilty to leave them. If I go off and work in a park I am gone. My mom is getting older, my son has some needs, and my daughter is pretty independent. It makes me feel guilty to leave my family. It really makes me feel like a terrible person that I go away for long periods. The other obstacle is money, (she laughs). Money is an obstacle. (Voice shifts for more emphasis). I make more money in California doing the job that I do when I'm here than I do as a park ranger, like I make two times as much here. How do I reckon with that? How do I make it all work so that everything is handled? So, I can have a job that feeds me emotionally but somehow leaves me sort of stranded financially and guilty as a daughter and as a parent. And you were mentioning health insurance [speaking to Molly], you don't get health insurance as a park ranger unless you are permanent, which is an office job, which I'm not interested in. Family, money, home. Those are pretty profound obstacles for me. They also don't allow dogs in park housing (she laughs) for obvious reasons, but my dog is important to me.
Laurel’s symbol: Symbol: A shell and Chinese finger cuff. I have a shell that represents fear and hiding. I had a real contradiction because on the one hand I grew up having these gifts, like performing music and I was a model, all these things that put me in front of people. There is something in me so strong that wants to hide and does not want to be seen and avoid all that at all costs and cringes. So I have a lot of tension about that because I feel like a strong aspect of my calling naturally exposes, whether it's my work or my image, to other people and I have an intense discomfort around that. So this shell symbolizes that aspect. And this is a Chinese finger cuff and this represents the nature of some of the difficult issues I've been through like some issues, I would categorize it as an addiction. I've discovered that the more I try to get rid of something, the more I pull, I just get more stuck in it. So there's something about this that has an insight about aspects that are unwanted or shadow or whatever. There are three more tarot cards: disappointment, which is, (I’m not feeling very 280 articulate), it’s just a really heavy thing that hangs over me. I guess fear of disappointing others and fear of disappointing myself. I have massively high standards for what I create. It holds me back. Worry and indolence and laziness, are huge. I work really hard but at the same time I feel like I could make time to do more to further my calling and it's like a fatigue, or laziness that holds me back.
Martina’s symbol: a cigarette. This is hard. (She laughs) This is one obstacle of many. I am in tears because I am a closet smoker. (clears throat) But I feel like it's a surface remedy for my deeper lack of self-love and it has been a friend for many years and it's not serving me and it's keeping me from breathing and it's creating a smokescreen separating me from other people. My daughter hates it. I have to sneak. There are so many reasons why I need to let go of that habit and I think part of it is keeping me from being the person I want to be. (hushed voice) I think it's just a matter of pumping up my self-love muscle to let go of it. I'm turning 50 next week and my whole world is crumbling around me yet at the same time, (voice strengthens and quickens,) I see it as a death and rebirth and I'm not just going to throw the towel in and say I'm just going to fade away because I'm turning 50. I see beautiful things on the horizon, wisdom in my older years, and connecting more with nature, (again stronger and quicker voice), and spirit. This sacred medicine man came over to my house the other day to talk to me and inspire me. Two minutes after he left a coyote came outside my window and he looked at me and I haven't seen a coyote on my property ever. It was very symbolic. Today a sparrow hit my window and died and woke me up. What is the symbolism of that? So I feel like it's a powerful (voice begins to quiver) turning point in my life and I'm ready to let go of the things that do not serve me anymore so I can move forward, but it's hard. (She whispers) It's really hard. It's hard to let go of something that has been a friend for so many years. It's not just the cigarettes, it's the negative self-talk, feeling sorry for myself, hiding, isolating from the world. (Voice quivers) I have got to let go of these things. I have got to move on. I have a lot of gifts to give the world and I am hiding.
Molly’s symbol: An empty coke can. In the last five years I finished up my college degree and I went right into my Masters in psychology. I work up at the culinary Institute in St. Helena in admin. I don't get paid a lot of money. I took the position to be able to finish my masters so I would be able to have time to work on that. Now that I am done, people are looking at me and going you got your masters were you still doing here? I think of it like this can. It looks like it's full, but it's completely empty, and that's how I feel. I feel like on the outside I have this degree. I have this masters, but on the inside I just don't have the value that I need to move forward. That's part of it. Where to start? What am I to do? And the other one is I guess in a sense, money. I started my own business before. That health insurance thing always creeps up. How will I be able to afford that? I have a partner I take care of as well with my insurance and feel like that holds me back as well. I go to work every day now and I just want to cry. I get to my desk and I say, ‘What am I still doing here?’ But I've tried to look for other jobs that have absolutely nothing to do with what I love to do. It's usually a no, and I hear this voice it says, just do what you're supposed to be doing. I need to have more faith. I feel like I 281 need to be patient. It's going to happen and I'm starting to feel it. (Big sigh). I need faith in the process and that I do have more to give than I realize.
Sharing the Drawing of the Relationship between Participants’ Obstacle and Calling
Julianna: Calling: Expansion Obstacle: Restriction This is a tree and my body actually. This is my chest and my head and the light representing the sense that I have of myself stronger and of a spiritual being in a physical body and how that informs who I am and what I do and how I think of myself. This tree also represents the spirit in the trees that radiate out and connect to the earth. And there are these obstacles that are measurements and time, responsibilities, insurance, money, practical things that tend to absorb me. Also I wanted to put a saw in there that literally cuts into the tree because that’s the other part of that reality that some people don't value, the spiritual nature of trees. They see anything in nature as products, see human beings as products; at least I have had that experience, and seen it in the world. If you don't recognize the sacredness of who we are, then we won't be acting from a sacred place. We can see that around. The commercialism is taking us away from our nature as a spiritual being. So my calling is about expansion wanting to come from that openness and restriction is the obstacle.
Ariana: Calling: Fear Obstacle: Joy The obstacle is that I spend a lot of time in bed sick. The calling is this is the kind of healing work I do, fingerprint readings, bodywork, and constellation work. This is the title of the book I want to write and the computer looking out the view of the apartment I might move into. And then the sun was joy over all of it. Then I had this list of things and I just thought, there is more I want in my life. I wrote sports, nature, laughter, dance, music, children, friends, love, intimacy, and sex. The obstacle is fear, the calling his joy.
Cynthia: Calling: Freedom Obstacle: Pressure I hope you can see this, it’s kind of light. This is my silhouette and Tibetan Buddhist colors. I am wearing the robes and I have a smile. I am very peaceful and feeling very free and reaching out to all. This is a little drawing I used to draw a lot when I was a kid, a sense of freedom. The other half of me, I am in my work clothes and more structured, formal, playing by the rules, doing what is expected of me, and I have hair on this side and not on the other side. And there's kind of a cloud over here to the side of me and it is kind of over me too, kind of the doubt. Then I wrote: PhD, experts, and know, read, in charge, prove, publish. I see myself in my work; it feels constricting and I felt trapped. At 282 the same time I am working at integrating my practice where I work. This is a seed syllable that you can visualize in your heart, light expanding outward. It's kind of melting this dualism that I have created. My calling word is freedom and the obstacle is pressure.
Bernadette: Calling: Communication in all forms Obstacle: Fear of being big and powerful I drew, I guess this is me. I was thinking of myself as an energetic force. I often find myself as a catalytic figure and at the center of things often times expending a lot of energy, carrying a lot of people and a lot of times, (I guess I have been talking about this all day), kind of carrying them on my energy. At times it comes from a genuine and intuitive place. It is not really my choice; it is just supposed to be, but then also it has a weight to it a jaggedness. There's a place where things become so distorted that I really don't know what is in my own mind. And also I was thinking about what I truly want for myself is collaboration. That’s what I love more than anything is to have a vision and share it with other people and incorporate their visions. It's so juicy and beautiful. (she sighs) I don't really have a desire to have a vision on my own. It's really lonely. I think this belongs to all of us and just because I am the original conduit doesn't mean that I should have to hold it by myself. It's fucking lonely and I hate it. I do believe it belongs to all of us but I do find myself in that position. The calling is communication in all forms and the obstacle is the fear of being big and powerful. I hope this makes sense
Naomi: Calling: Park Ranger Obstacle: Guilt This is me with a uniform on at the edge of an active volcano looking at its magnificence, but here crowding me is my obsessive thoughts about leaving my family. It is like a broken heart and this is mom... (names family names) and it says guilt, financial burden, responsibility, and health insurance. So it is keeping me from being 100 percent right there at the active volcano because I've got these things going on in my mind. The calling is Park Ranger and the obstacle is guilt.
Laurel: Calling: Aesthesia Obstacle: Apathy My drawing is pretty light. This is me, a star. I have star symbols everywhere. I got this sense of, I have this massive amount of input from all over the place. This represents all kinds of stimulation, distraction energy that comes at me constantly in the world. This rain represents inspiration, ideas, the radiance that comes from the universe and then, (she laughs) I guess I have this sense of overwhelm. I put like a little umbrella up because I can't handle it. The umbrella protects me from my sense of overwhelm but it also ends up blocking this kind of light that is also coming in as well. And I guess instead of just radiating and expressing I just found myself putting these things that I feel somehow (she pauses), dampens in some way and I saw myself like I was trying to form roots but it was just concrete, sidewalk. Instead of feeling grounded I feel heavy or weighted down. I have my center here, my heart with an eye for my vision, but there are clouds around it. 283 There is a lot going on here, but I can't explain it all consciously myself, but my two words are as Aesthesia which means the essence of sensation and beauty, and apathy which surprised me but I feel like it's the opposite, like the absence of emotion or sensation. Probably this doesn't make a lot of sense but there you have it.
Martina: Calling: Sacred Obstacle: Lack This is me and I am dressed as a Native American woman who is praying to the tobacco spirit in a sacred way, telling it that I am grateful for its medicine and I am sorry that I have taken advantage of its strong powers and transformed it into a different way of healing. I just don't inhale, just don't inhale. (Quality of surprise, new thought) I will use it in a sacred way when I pray. Then I think I could reach some kind of balance because I want to live a sacred life. I want to pray. I want good things to happen to me. I want to help people. I want to heal myself before I heal other people. So I think that I need…(she does not finish the sentence) Then the drawing also turned interesting in its shape, (she is surprised and asks what are those? Others say double helix, and caduceus. She affirms the latter.) I just thought it was interesting because I didn't mean for that to happen. My calling word is sacred, obstacle lack.
Molly: Calling: Inspire Obstacle: Low self-confidence The first layer is colors, beautiful colors and then on top of this is that darkness that is keeping me from that beauty, that beautiful life I would like to live. I've written into the black fear, money, low self-worth, value. It was this layer I need to get past to live the kind of life I want to live. The two words are inspire, and what is holding me back is low self-confidence.
Participants’ Journals
Julianna: Obstacle, what role or function do you play in my life? Obstacle: fragmentation. Need for integration of a wide degree of experiences. You make me be able to multi-task, which allows me to do more things, get more completed on a never ending to do list. I can follow up on thought, ideas, and impulses, which create a constant sense of entertainment and an illusion of fulfillment. Obstacle, when did you first come into my life? Most notably after the birth of my daughter at around age two when I had to be ever vigilant. I learned to be able to shift my attention at will and got used to never being fully present or engaged, even holding back from being engaged, anticipating interruption always. Obstacle, in response to what did you come into my life? 284 My daughter’s very pressing needs, and the necessity to juggle many tasks, trying to hold on to my career, doing the household and living my life without compromising anything. Obstacle, are you related to any specific experience or person in my life? My mother used to multitask and be impulsive in pursuing fancies. She was always restless, never content to sit still or be at peace. She made idleness or lack of activity to seem undesirable, chiding family members for their lack of industriousness. Obstacle what are you most afraid of? I am afraid of never getting to the bottom of my to-do list and getting behind and eventually becoming overwhelmed with all the little and big tasks left undone. I am afraid that if I don’t constantly monitor everything, some disaster will befall me, and my family. Obstacle, what do you most yearn for? I yearn for completion and perfection and a clear desk. Everything tucked away, a clear, clean space from which to create. I yearn for one-pointedness, for single mindedness, for total, uncompromised presence, so inspiration can come in and I can create and manifest my calling. Obstacle, how does being a woman play a role in this? I feel that my senses are overly active like I have feelers or radars out at all times. I notice more things and aware of more, so that I feel responsible to fix things, take care of things and set things right.
Ariana: Obstacle, What role or function do you play in my life? Obstacle: fear, CFIDS, distractions, lacking self-confidence feeling of value. Number one role or function: to heal from challenges = growth Obstacle, when did you first come into my life? Pre-birth Obstacle, in response to what did you come into my life? trauma, karma Obstacle, are you related to any specific experience or person in my life? clitorectomy, betrayal, abuse in this childhood Obstacle what are you most afraid of? Prison. Public humiliation. Physical/emotional harm Obstacle, what do you most yearn for? Love, closeness. I do get that some through my work, especially constellations otherwise it's more service, which I enjoy. Maybe I want to focus on relationship now. Health, with healing intimacy feels more important than calling. Obstacle, how does being a woman play a role in this? Does it really? Permission to want intimacy? Not care about ego identity in work?
Cynthia: Obstacle, What role or function do you play in my life? I stay connected to others when I do what I think they want me to. I feel alone, disconnected. The only way to connect is to do the same thing others are doing to feel safe, have order, and meaning. 285 Obstacle, when did you first come into my life? Probably when I was young with my parents. They were busy. I had to get their attention. I wanted to please or impress them to feel their love and approval. I felt most loved when I achieved something, not just for being. My dad recently said he felt worthless if he wasn't doing something. If he couldn't enjoy himself when not doing anything, he couldn't appreciate me just being me. Obstacle, in response to what did you come into my life? My parents didn't encourage me to discover myself. They wanted me to take piano lessons, which I hated. Tennis too. I did gymnastics. I liked that. They encouraged that. My dad built me a beam. But, if I did something or wanted something they didn't understand or like, the desire went underground. There wasn't an interest in understanding who I was, or what I wanted. My dad is very overpowering. Obstacle, are you related to any specific experience or person in my life? My father was very demanding. He would be personally hurt if I did something he didn't want. Obstacle what are you most afraid of? I was, I am afraid if I go to Nepal, they won't see me much. I am afraid of abandoning him. But, I guess I am also afraid of feeling abandoned myself. By choosing to leave, I feel alone. Scary! I like the security of the familiar relationships around me. I am afraid of leaving relationships behind. Letting go of them. Obstacle, what do you most yearn for? To sit at the feet of meditation masters, to have protected time to practice and understand these teachings and practices, to realize them, so I can be present with others and help them find their way. Obstacle, how does being a woman play a role in this? Gosh, Patriarchy. My dad ruled the house, and my mom was silent. I learnt to follow this model. Tibetan Buddhism is male-dominated. Few women role models make it difficult to have confidence, safety.
Bernadette: Obstacle, what role or function do you play in my life? Obstacle: the obstacle I saw in nature was compression, entanglement, no room to maneuver, no choices I feel trapped, as if I have no self-determination, that I can only do one thing, whether I feel it is what I'm supposed to do or not. Example, I have to do my corporate job because I have to have health insurance because of my back issue or because I own a home and would lose it. I would rather work from home so I could do yoga every day and see the healers I want. I could also work on my own projects. This sense of feeling trapped also makes me resent the people in my life who have flexibility and freedom. The compression makes me feel like there is no ease or flexibility, that I have no choices. Obstacle, when did you first come into my life? For as long as I can remember, or at least since 14 when I started working. I've been self- supporting since then. I've grown out of it somewhat as I have evolved spiritually. I do feel less compressed, and have more perspective, but I also still get caught in the story that I don't have choices and that costs me a lot of ease and freedom. Obstacle, in response to what did you come into my life? 286 If I wanted something I had to find a way to provide it, to earn it. So I started working. I have been a slave to a job ever since. I also was a single mom, so I didn't feel I could slack off because the kids had needs I wasn't willing to compromise. I know that was a choice I made, but internally it didn't feel that way. I understand I was compensating for my own crappy childhood. Obstacle, are you related to any specific experience or person in my life? My childhood had lots of violence and rage. I am sure it's all related. I am also very driven to manifest my ideas and gifts. While I love collaborating my story is I don't believe anyone will be there for me so I end up doing a lot of the work myself. Obstacle what are you most afraid of? Being invisible, being used or taken for granted, that my contributions are so seamless that no one will recognize my value. Obstacle, what do you most yearn for? Connection, collaboration, love, intimacy, to be taken care of, to have someone notice and anticipate my needs (the way I do for others) and fulfill them without my asking. Obstacle, how does being a woman play a role in this? I think women are taken for granted as givers. We are often invisible.
Naomi: Obstacle, what role or function do you play in my life? I keep you in line. I keep you tight. I keep you from being a flake. I keep you tied to your responsibilities. I keep you beholden to others regardless of whether they need you or not. I keep you anchored in place. Obstacle, when did you first come into my life? Remember catechism when you were a small girl? Remember how Christ died because of YOUR SINS? Remember how he was hammered to a cross, forehead bleeding because of YOUR SINS? This is when I started. This is when I took hold of you. This records my beginning of life within your innocent mind. Obstacle, in response to what did you come into my life? If people were free to do what they wanted, what would keep them from murdering others? I (guilt) am a necessary GOOD. I keep you safe from others. I keep others safe from you. Obstacle, are you related to any specific experience or person in my life? I am the underlying essence of Christian programming. I am the heart of the matter. I gloat in the glory I have while overpowering you. I rise in power each time you heed my commands. Obstacle what are you most afraid of? I am afraid of your freedom, your light heartedness. If you feel unconfined, I wilt away. Obstacle, what do you most yearn for? I yearn to make you suffer since you are inherently evil. I yearn to teach you your lesson. I yearn for your obedience. I yearn for absolute power over you. Obstacle, how does being a woman play a role in this? Remember eve and that sensuous red apple? It was a woman that ruined paradise in the Garden of Eden. It was Eve who was forced to bleed each month in punishment. It was Eve who displayed a mind of her own and needed severe consequences. It was Eve who I chose to punish because of her creativity, ability to create and bear new life. Because of 287 her wicked beauty. Yes, being a woman plays a profound role in the nature of guilt in Christianity. She took initiative instead of taking orders, and therefore she must live with guilt for all time.
Laurel: Obstacle, what role or function do you play in my life? To adapt to changing conditions, circumstances, relationships, and needs from any given environment-responding to what is outside, rather than staying true to what is within, my instincts and innate calling. Obstacle, when did you first come into my life? When I was a kid, changing schools every few months or year, especially when I was a teenager, when I had my own dreams they got diverted by the demands and agendas and influences of those around me. Obstacle, in response to what did you come into my life? External pressures, societal and cultural structures, people strenuously persuading me to help them and work for their causes. Obstacle, are you related to any specific experience or person in my life? Perhaps attending seventeen different schools, getting recruited into the Church of Scientology for a few years, and either reacting/conforming to parents’ values. Obstacle what are you most afraid of? Burnout, failure, mediocrity, scorn, letting people down, wasting resources, alienating people, being misunderstood, not achieving my potential, getting sick from guilt. Obstacle, what do you most yearn for? To serve this world, to offer the utmost I am capable, to contribute to humanity and all life on earth, to feel creatively fulfilled, spent, alive, to express my voice and create works of beauty which are profoundly inspiring and moving to people, to experience a tremendous amount of love of life and transmit this spark, to influence by provoking thought and shifting awareness. Obstacle, how does being a woman play a role in this?
Martina: Obstacle, what role or function do you play in my life? Fear has kept me in my comfort zone box, from really saying yes to life, from allowing me to shine, to express, to become. Shame and guilt don’t really serve me anymore, but still hanging around. Obstacle, when did you first come into my life? Perhaps when my father yelled at me when my ice cream fell off the cone (age four?) and called me stupid. Adding to that, my older sister always made fun of me and tried to make me feel less than. Obstacle, in response to what did you come into my life? My parents divorced around my age of four. It created much hostility and hatred in our family. Obstacle, are you related to any specific experience or person in my life? Lots of shame around my mother’s behavior while I was growing up. So many instances of her drinking and embarrassing me. I had many nightmares about her and my stepfather as a child. 288 Obstacle what are you most afraid of? My own success? Obstacle, what do you most yearn for? Equanimity, peace of mind Obstacle, how does being a woman play a role in this?
Molly: Obstacle, what role or function do you play in my life? I tend to give up on what I really want. Sometimes I see it as being lazy, not putting a 100 percent into what I want to attempt. Giving up due to being so low in the self-confidence department. Obstacle, when did you first come into my life? I remember when I was first learning to ride a bike. I would purposefully fall down and give up, just to try to prove that I couldn’t do the task set before me. Obstacle, in response to what did you come into my life? My parents divorced around my age of four. Obstacle, are you related to any specific experience or person in my life? I think of elementary school, not being as smart as other kids. I felt dumb. I saw them as more successful than I could be. Never quite good enough. Getting picked on all the time. Obstacle what are you most afraid of? Looking foolish, dumb, like I have no idea what I am doing. Why am I trying to pursue this better life for myself? The unknown. Obstacle, what do you most yearn for? Recognition, love, acknowledgement, happiness, freedom to control my time. Travel, to create, to take time out for myself for a few months to re-energize myself. Obstacle, how does being a woman play a role in this? Lately I’ve felt I live in such a man’s world. It seems so much easier to be a guy. Being a successful woman…what does that look like exactly? How do they treat the world? Are they kind hearted? The women I look up to are. I would like to research this further.
289
APPENDIX 56
SUMMARY OF LEARNINGS
The topic of the dissertation focused on the challenges women face when engaging their calling. Participants, women who experienced blockages in this area of their lives, inquired into the cognitive, affective and somatic aspects of their experience that arose in relation to the disparity between the longing to express their gifts and the inhibitions that obstructed expression. The research hypothesis stated that there was a positive correlation between the difficulties inherent in claiming one’s calling and a deficient relationship with both the masculine and feminine principles. In order to inquire into this phenomenon, Imaginal Transformation Praxis was employed as the theoretical lens.
The methodology used was Imaginal Inquiry, which involves four phases: evoking, expressing, interpreting and integrating experience. An exercise in which each woman had the opportunity to stand in front of the other participants and speak as if she were presently living her calling was used to evoke the fear that inhibited greater embodiment. Guilt, shame, grief, and excitement were evoked in addition to fear. The researcher analyzed participant’s reported experience and subsequently involved them in the process by conducting a follow-up meeting in which individuals responded to the preliminary learnings. Their feedback was then incorporated into the final interpretations.
The Cumulative Learning stated that the retrieval of the instinctual body in the context of community and nature functioned to free women from affective barriers, allowing more ease in claiming their calling as both product and process. Learning One 290 empirically demonstrates that in relation to destiny, cultural reference points breed fixed and product-oriented views of the self, while nature generates a more fluid and process-oriented view. Participants experienced a shift from entrenched experiences of being blocked, stuck and confused, to more fluid experiences of identity that included reported states such as freedom and stillness.
Learning Two empirically demonstrates that women are prone to becoming paralyzed in relation to their calling when challenged to take risks that require a greater valuing of themselves, their dreams, and their needs. Cognitive beliefs included being crazy, and needing to play by the rules; affective experiences included helplessness, frustration, and fear. Somatic experiences encompassed feeling weighted down, divided, and fatigued.
Learning Three proposed that participants’ obstacles were rooted in shame, which inhibited them from expressing their authentic gifts in the world, for fear of re- experiencing childhood wounding. Participants reported experiences from their childhoods, referring to both familial and institutional settings, almost all of which pointed to shame as an influential factor in the formation of their obstacles. Additionally, it revealed that shame not only inhibited movement toward calling, but also limited access to the positive capacities of the feminine, such as self-care and compassion and the positive capacities of the masculine, such as discipline and taking action.
Learning Four proposed that suppressed grief can block calling and lead to isolation, whereas grief and longing that is named and expressed within a collective can facilitate women reclaiming their instinctual energies, which supports calling. The three participants who named, but did not express grief, did not return for the second meeting, 291 which indicates a correlation between unexpressed grief and isolation. The women who did return unanimously spoke of both the loss and recovery of the instinctual self.
Learning Five proposed that women who are blocked in their calling as a result of a deficient relationship with the masculine and feminine principles can develop both through engaging their ecological imagination. The learning empirically demonstrates that nature can have a curative effect on the restoration of the feminine and masculine principles. Participants revealed a loosening of restrictive beliefs, affects and somatic states as a result of engaging in a symbolic and energetic conversation with nature. All participants reported messages from the earth related to a need for personal nourishment and attunement with their natural cycles and rhythms, reflecting the restoration of the feminine. Others were strengthened in their resolve to take action on behalf of their dreams, which highlights the activation of the masculine principle.
The significance of the learnings is deeply related to the times we live in. The blending of the themes, ecopsychology, women’s development and destiny, address the urgent need for a new paradigm that moves beyond the domination of women and nature.
The study demonstrated the efficacy of engaging the ecological imagination within the context of community as a means of support for the embodiment of calling. The data supported the hypothesis of a meaningful correlation between obstacles to engaging one’s calling and a deficient relationship with the masculine and feminine principles. During the time between meetings, two participants took significant risks that they had been fearful to take, prior to the research. This demonstrates a movement towards integrating the positive masculine principle which supports action informed by feminine wisdom.
Additionally, all participants reported the need for greater nourishment and slowing 292 down, thus indicating the integration of the positive feminine, an essential aspect of engaging calling. The research had academic implications for those studying women’s development, ecopsychology, and destiny, as well as personal implications for individuals who long to discover and embody their calling.
293
NOTES
Chapter 1
1. Jean Shinoda Bolen, Urgent Message from Mother: Gather the Women, Save the World (Berkeley, CA: Conari Press, 2005), 12-23.
2. Ibid., 22.
3. Ibid., 10.
4. Jean Baker Miller, Toward a New Psychology of Women (Boston: Beacon Press, 1987), 141.
5. Carol Gilligan, In a Different Voice (Boston: Harvard University Press, 1993), 8; and Miller, Toward a New Psychology of Women, 83.
6. Gilligan, In a Different Voice, 170.
7. Nancy Chodorow, The Reproduction of Mothering: Psychoanalysis and the Sociology of Mothering (Berkeley, CA: University of California Press, 1978), 154-158.
8. Ibid., 5.
9. Ruthellen Josselson, Finding Herself: Pathways to Identity Development in Women (San Francisco: Jossey-Bass Publishers, 1987), 169.
10. Mary Field Belenkey et al., Women’s Ways of Knowing: The Development of Self, Voice, and Mind (New York: BasicBooks, Inc., 1986), 17-20.
11. Ibid., 18.
12. Laura Brown, “The Future of Feminist Therapy,” Psychotherapy 29, no. 1 (1992): 51-52; and Virginia O’Leary and Ranald Hansen, “ Sex Determined Attributions,” in Women, Gender, and Social Psychology, eds. O’Leary, Rhoda Kesler Unger, and Barbara Strudler Wallston (Mahwah, NJ: Lawrence Erlbaum Associates, Publishers, 1985), 67-92.
13. O’Leary, Unger, and Wallston, Women, Gender, and Social Psychology, 1-2.
14. Matina S. Horner, “Toward an Understanding of Achievement-Related Conflicts in Women.” Journal of Social Sciences 28, no. 2 (1972): 157-175.
15. David Krueger, Success and Fear of Success in Women: A Developmental Psychodynamic Perspective (New York: The Free Press, 1984), xii.
16. Ibid., xiii.
17. Ibid., 32.
18. Donald L. Nathanson, Shame and Pride: Affect, Sex, and the Birth of the Self. (New York: W.W. Norton & Co. Inc., 1992), 2, 3, 92.
19. Ibid., 73. 294
20. Ibid., 138.
21. Michael Balint, The Basic Fault: Therapeutic Aspects of Regression (Evanston, IL: Northwestern University Press, 1968), xix, 16, 22.
22. Donald Kalsched, The Inner World of Trauma: Archetypal Defenses of the Personal Spirit (New York: Brunner-Routledge, 1996), 45.
23. Ibid., 4.
24. Aftab Omer, Integrative Seminar IIc, author’s notes, Meridian University, 2008.
25. Carl Jung et al., Man and His Symbols (New York: Dell Publishing Co., 1964), 161, 163.
26. Ibid.
27. Andrew Samuels, Bani Shorter, and Fred Plaut, A Critical Dictionary of Jungian Analysis (London: Routledge, 1986), 76-77.
28. Jung et al., Man and His Symbols, 161, 163.
29. Rollo May, Freedom and Destiny (New York: W.W. Norton and Company, 1981), 95.
30. Ibid., 5-6.
31. Michael Meade, Fate and Destiny: The Two Agreements of the Soul (Seattle, WA: GreenFire Press, 2010), 134-135.
32. James Hillman, The Soul’s Code: In Search of Character and Calling (New York: Random House, 1996), 71-72.
33. Jean Houston, The Search for the Beloved: Journeys in Mythology and Sacred Psychology (New York: Putman, 1987), 10, 35-38.
34. Victor Turner, “Betwixt and Between: The Liminal Period in Rites of Passage.” In Betwixt and Between: Patterns of Masculine and Feminine Initiation, eds. Louise Carus Mahdi, Steven Foster, and Meredith Little (La Salle, IL: Open Court Publishing, 1987), 6.
35. Robert Sardello, Facing the World with Soul: The Reimagination of Modern Life (Hudson, New York: Harper Perennial, 1992), 11.
36. Susan Sussman, The Speech of the Grail: A Journey Towards Speaking that Heals and Transforms (New York: Lindisfarne Books, 1995), 1, 5-6.
37. Michael Gruber, An Unknown Destiny: Terror, Psychotherapy and Modern Initiation: Readings in Nietzsche, Heidegger, Steiner (New York: Lindisfarne Books, 2008), 1-3.
38. Omer, Imaginal Process I, author’s notes, Meridian University, 2005.
39. Omer in conversation with Jürgen W. Kremer, “Between Columbine and the Twin Towers: Fundamentalist Culture and the Failure of Imagination.” Re-Vision volume 26, no. 2 (Fall 2003): 39.
40. Omer, Imaginal Studies, author’s notes, Meridian University, 2005.
41. Omer, written correspondence with author, May 12, 2009.
42. Omer, “Leadership and the Creative Transformation of Culture,” Shift: At the Frontiers of Consciousness, no. 6 (March-May, 2005). 295
43. Ibid., 33.
44. Theodore Roszak, Ecopsychology: Restoring the Earth, Healing the Mind, eds. Roszak, Mary E. Gomes, and Allen Kanner (San Francisco: Sierra Club Books, 1995), 4.
45. Ibid., 14.
46. Larry Robinson, “Psychotherapy as if the World Mattered,” in Ecotherapy: Healing with Nature in Mind, eds. Linda Buzzel and Craig Chalquist (San Francisco: Sierra Club Books, 2009), 27.
47. Ibid., 18-19.
48. Chellis Glendinning, My Name is Chellis and I am in Recovery from Western Civilization (Boston: Shambhala, 1994), 62; and David Abram, Becoming Animal: An Earthly Cosmology (New York, Pantheon Books, 2010), 69.
49. American Psychiatric Association, Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (Washington, DC: 2000), 477.
50. Glendinning, My Name is Chellis, 5-8.
51. Fredric L. Bender, The Culture of Extinction: Toward a Philosophy of Deep Ecology (New York: Humanity Books, 2003), 20-22.
52. Ibid., 19, 397.
53. Ibid., 3.
54. Thomas Berry, The Dream of the Earth (San Francisco: Cashiers Club Books, 1988), 194- 195.
55. Ibid., 195.
56. Arne Naess, The Deep Ecology Movement: An Introductory Anthology, eds. Alan Drengson and Yuichi Inoue (Berkeley, CA: North Atlantic Books, 1995), 14.
57. Bill Devall and George Sessions, Deep Ecology: Living as if Nature Mattered (Salt Lake City, UT: Peregrine Smith Books, 1985), ix.
58. Omer, Imaginal Process, author’s notes, Meridian University, December 10, 2005 and November 11, 2006.
59. Luise Eichenbaum and Susie Orbach, Between Women: Love, Envy, and Competition in Women’s Friendships (New York: Penguin Books, 1987), 98.
60. Omer, Imaginal Process II, author’s notes, Meridian University, 2006.
61. Omer, Imaginal Process I, author’s notes, Meridian University, 2005.
62. Ibid.
63. Omer, written correspondence with author, May 12, 2010.
64. Ibid.
65. Ibid.
66. Ibid. 296
67. Omer, Imaginal Process I, author’s notes, Meridian University, 2006.
68. Omer, written correspondence with author, May 12, 2010.
68. Omer, Imaginal Process I, author’s notes, Meridian University, 2005.
70. Omer, personal communication, May 12, 2010.
71. Omer, Imaginal Process I, author’s notes, Meridian University, 2005.
72. Omer, Integrative Seminar IIc, author’s notes, Meridian University, 2008.
73. Dissertation Handbook 4th ed. (Petaluma, CA: Meridian University, 2009), 86.
74. Bolen, Urgent Message from Mother, 1.
Chapter 2
1. Horner, “Sex Differences in Achievement Motivation and Performance in Competitive and Non-Competitive Situations,” (Ph.D. Diss., University of Michigan, 1968).
2. Julien B. Rotter, “Generalized Expectancies for Internal versus External Control of Reinforcement,” Psychological Monographs: General & Applied 80, no. 1 (1966): 1-28.
3. Valerie Tate Angel and Ellen Agoos, “Editorial,” International Forum of Psychoanalysis 15, no. 1 (2006): 65-66.
4. Vicki Noble, Shakti Woman: Feeling Our Fire, Healing The World - The New Female Shamanism (San Francisco: Harper, 1991), 168.
5. Marie-Louise von Franz, “The Process of Individuation,” in Man and His Symbols, eds. Jung and von Franz (New York: Dell Publishing, 1964), 161, 163.
6. Roszak, Ecopsychology, 14; and Buzzel and Chalquist, Ecotherapy, 18.
7. Glendinning, My Name is Chellis, 60; and Abram, Becoming Animal, 69.
8. Bender, The Culture of Extinction, 18.
9. Naess, The Deep Ecology Movement, 14.
10. Laura Sewall, “The Skill of Ecological Perception,” in Ecopsychology, 204; and Devall and Sessions, Deep Ecology, ix, 65.
11. Gary Snyder, “Re-Inhabitation,” in The Deep Ecology Movement: An Introductory Anthology, eds. Drengson and Inoue (Berkeley, CA: North Atlantic Books, 1995), 70-71.
12. Dorceta E. Taylor, “Women of Color, Environmental Justice and Ecofeminism,” in Ecofeminism: Women, Culture, Nature, ed. Karen J. Warren (Bloomington, IN: Indiana University Press, 1997), 40-42.
13. Phylis Chesler, Women and Madness (New York: Avon Books, 1972), xviii.
14. Ibid., 115. 297
15. Bolen, Urgent Message from Mother, 2-3.
16. Ibid., 20-22.
17. Ibid., 12.
18. Ibid., 15.
19. Brown, “The Future of Feminist Therapy,” 51-52.
20. Brown, “Empathy, Genuineness and the Dynamics of Power: A Feminist Responds to Rogers,” Psychotherapy: Theory, Research, Practice, Training 44, no. 3 (2007): 257-258.
21. O’Leary, Unger, and Wallston, Women, Gender, and Social Psychology, 1-2.
22. Ibid., 3.
23. Ibid., 20, 27.
24. Gilligan, In a Different Voice, 18.
25. Kohlberg and Kramer, “Continuities and Discontinuities In Child and Adult Moral Development,” Human Development 12, (1969): 93-120.
26. Gilligan, In a Different Voice, 71.
27. Chuck Huff, “A Student Handbook for Chuck Huff’s Introduction to Psychology,” St. Olaf College Psychology Dept., accessed April, 2010, http://www.stolaf.edu/people/huff/classes/Intro/Gilligan.html; and Gilligan, In a Different Voice, 72-73.
28. Ibid., 170.
29. Ibid., 171.
30. Miller, Toward a New Psychology of Women, 83.
31. Ibid.
32. Ibid., 36.
33. Ibid.
34. Ibid., 41, 46.
35. Chodorow, The Reproduction of Mothering, 4-5.
36. Ibid., 13-15.
37. Patricia Phillips and Fred Rozendal, “Giving Birth to Child or Idea: The Feminine Dilemma,” Social Behavior and Personality 11, no.1 (1983): 59-64.
38. Ibid.
39. Ibid.
40. Ibid., 63.
41. Ibid., 61. 298
42. Jessica Benjamin, The Bonds of Love: Psychoanalysis, Feminism, and the Problem of Domination (New York: Pantheon Books, 1988), 49.
43. Ibid., 12.
44. Ibid., 39.
45. Ibid., 50, 222.
46. Ibid., 222.
47. Ibid., 221.
48. Belenky et al., Women’s Ways of Knowing, 54-55.
49. Ibid., 15.
50. Ibid., 35.
51. Ibid., 54.
52. Ibid., 87, 98.
53. Ibid., 119, 35.
54. Ibid., 134.
55. Ibid., 7, 11, 15.
56. Ibid., 68.
57. Eichenbaum and Orbach, Between Women, 75.
58. Ibid., 56.
59. Ibid., 54.
60. Ibid., 61-63.
61. Ibid., 63-64, 99.
62. Ibid., 204
63. Maureen Murdock, The Heroine’s Journey: Woman’s Quest for Wholeness (Boston: Shambhala, 1990), 29.
64. Ibid.
65. Josselson, Finding Herself, 4.
66. Ibid., 8.
67. Ibid., 169.
68. Joan Borysenko, A Woman’s Book of Life: The Biology, Psychology, and Spirituality of the Life Cycle (New York: Riverhead Books, 1996), 1.
69. Ibid., 132. 299
70. 99.
71. Ibid., 158.
72. Ibid.
73. Ibid., 256
74. Emily Hancock, The Girl Within: A Groundbreaking New Approach To Female Identity (New York: Ballantine Books, 1989), 3-4.
75. Ibid., 236.
76. Ibid., 8.
77. Ibid., 250, 260.
78. Ibid., 259.
79. Bruce Lincoln, Emerging from the Chrysalis: Studies in Rituals of Women’s Initiation (Cambridge, MA: Harvard University Press, 1981), 1.
80. Ibid., 4.
81. Ibid., 102.
82. Ibid.
83. Ibid., 101.
84. Virginia Beane Rutter, Woman Changing Woman: Feminine Psychology Re-Conceived Through Myth and Experience (San Francisco: HarperSanFrancisco, 1993), 3.
85. Ibid., xvii.
86. Ibid., 3, 11, 31.
87. Ibid., xvii, 9, 17.
88. Ibid., 11.
89. Bolen, The Millionth Circle (York Beach, ME: Conari Press, 1999), 19.
90. Ibid., 3.
91. Ibid., 84.
92. Horner, “Sex Differences in Achievement Motivation,” (Ph.D. Diss., University of Michigan, 1968).
93. Horner, “Toward an Understanding of Achievement-Related Conflicts.” Journal of Social Sciences 28, no. 2 (1972):157-175.
94. Ibid.
95. Phoebe Kazdin Schnitzer, “The Motive to Avoid Success: Exploring the Nature of Fear.” Psychology of Women Quarterly 1, no. 3 (1977): 273-282.
96. Ibid., 281. 300
97. Marice Pappo, “Fear of Success: The Construction and Validation of a Measuring Instrument,” Journal of Personality Assessment 47, no.1 (1983): 36-41.
98. Krueger, Success and Fear of Success in Women, xii.
99. Ibid., xiii.
100. Ibid.
101. Ibid., 34.
102. Ibid., 32.
103. Ibid., 9-10.
104. Ibid., 9, 11, 32.
105. Ibid., 32.
106. Ibid., 31, 123-125, 127-128.
107. Ellen Ruderman, “Women Shaping Their Destinies: Psychoanalytic Perspectives and Contemporary Clinical Portraits,” Clinical Social Work Journal 31, no. 3 (2003): 275.
108. Ibid., 280.
109. Ibid., 291.
110. Ibid., 275.
111. Ibid., 281.
112. Ruderman, “Nurturance and Self-Sabotage: Psychoanalytic Perspectives on Women’s Fear of Success,” International Forum of Psychoanalysis 15, no 2 (2006): 85-95.
113. Rotter, “Generalized Expectancies for Internal versus External Control of Reinforcement,” 1-28.
114. Nina Midgley and Marsha Stein Abrams, “Fear of Success and Locus of Control in Young Women,” Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology 42, no. 5 (1974): 737.
115. Ibid.
116. Angel and Agoos, “Editorial,” International Forum of Psychoanalysis 15, no. 1 (2006): 65- 66.
117. Christopher Peterson and Martin E.P. Seligman, “Learned Helplessness and Victimization,” Journal of Social Sciences 39, no. 2 (1983): 103-116.
118. Jacqueline Fleming, “Fear of Success, Achievement-Related Motives and Behavior in Black College Women,” Journal of Personality 46, no. 4 (1978): 23.
119. Yvonne Martinez Thorne, “Achievement Motivation In High Achieving Latina Women,” Roeper Review 18, no. 1 (1995): 44.
120. Ibid., 9. 301
121. Angela S. Lew, Rhiannon Allen, Nicholas Papouchis and Barry Ritzler, “Achievement Orientation and Fear of Success in Asian American Students,” Journal of Clinical Psychology 54, no. 1 (1998): 97-108.
122. Elena Alderete-Baker, “Internalized Achievement-Related Motives of Native American Women,” (Ph.D. Diss. The Fielding Institute, 1999)
123. Ibid.
124. O’Leary and Hansen, “Sex Determined Attributions,” in Women, Gender, and Social Psychology, 67.
125. Ibid., 68-69, 73.
126. Ibid., 91.
127. Noble, Shakti Woman, 128.
128. Ibid., 129.
129. Nathanson, Shame and Pride, 2, 3, 92.
130. Ibid., 59.
131. Ibid.
132. Ibid., 95.
133. Ibid., 95-96.
134. Ibid.
135. Rush W. Dozier, Jr., Fear Itself: The Origin and Nature of the Powerful Emotion That Shapes Our Lives and Our World (New York: Saint Martin’s Press, 1998), 10-11.
136. Ibid., 12.
137. Thom Rutledge, Embracing Fear and Finding the Courage to Live Your Life (San Francisco: Harpers Collins Publishers, Inc., 2002), 8.
138. Ibid., 6.
139. Ibid., 7.
140. Ibid., 15.
141. Omer, written correspondence with the author, May 12, 2010.
142. Ibid.
143. Omer, Imaginal Process, author’s notes, Meridian University, 2006.
144. Sardello, Freeing the Soul from Fear (New York: Riverhead Books, 1999), vii-viii.
145. Ibid., 3.
146. Ibid., 32-34.
147. Ibid., 43. 302
148. Ibid.
149. Noble, Shakti Woman, 192.
150. Ibid., 216, 192.
151. Mary Daly, Gyn/Ecology: The Metaethics of Radical Feminism (Boston: Beacon Press, 1978), 19.
152. Ibid., 21.
153. Nathanson, Shame and Pride, 92-99.
154. Ibid.
155. Clarissa Pinkola Estés, Women Who Run with the Wolves: Myths and Stories of the Wild Woman Archetype (New York: Ballantine Books, 1992), 13, 385.
156. Ibid., 374.
157. Ibid., 13.
158. Murdock, The Heroine’s Journey, 120-121.
159. Nathanson, Shame and Pride, 135.
160. Ibid., 138.
161. Gershen Kaufman, The Psychology of Shame: Theory and Treatment of Shame-Based Syndromes (New York: Springer Publishing Co., 1989), 86.
162. Ibid., 57.
163. Ibid., 23.
164. Ibid., 30, 33.
165. Ibid., 66-68.
166. Ibid., 72.
167. Ibid., 46-47.
168. Ibid., 55-56.
169. Ibid., 53.
170. John Bradshaw, Healing the Shame That Binds You (Florida: Health Communications Inc., 1988), 41.
171. Ibid.
172. Ibid., 115-116.
173. Balint, The Basic Fault, xix, 16.
174. Ibid., 22.
175. Ibid., 183. 303
176. Kalsched, The Inner World of Trauma, 45.
177. Ibid., 46.
178. Omer, Integrative Seminar IIc, author’s notes, Meridian University, 2008.
179. Samuels, Shorter, and Plaut, A Critical Dictionary of Jungian Analysis, 76-77.
180. Von Franz, “The Process of Individuation,” Man and His Symbols, eds. Jung and von Franz, 161, 163.
181. Ibid.
182. Ibid.
183. Ibid., 174.
184. Ibid., 178.
185. Ibid., 182-183.
186. Ibid., 163, 169.
187. May, Freedom and Destiny, 89-90.
188. Ibid., 95.
189. Ibid., 65.
190. Ibid., 5-6.
191. Ibid., 167.
192. Ibid., 167.
193. Ibid., 90-91.
194. Ibid., 35.
195. Ibid., 94-95, 37.
196. Ibid., 37.
197. Meade, Fate and Destiny, 2.
198. Ibid., 3-4, 47.
199. Ibid., 134-135.
200. Ibid.
201. Ibid., 7-8.
202. Hillman, The Soul’s Code, 71-72.
203. Ibid., 8.
204. Ibid., 39. 304
205. Houston, Search for the Beloved, 10, 35-38.
206. Ibid., 31.
207. Ibid.
208. Ibid., 105.
209. Omer, Imaginal Process II, author’s notes, Meridian University, 2006.
210. Omer, written correspondence with author, January, 2010.
211. Ibid.
212. Deepak Chopra, Synchrodestiny: Harnessing the Infinite Power of Coincidence to Create Miracles (London: Rider, 2003), 87.
213. Ibid., 148.
214. Ibid., 150-151.
215. Joseph Campbell, The Hero with a Thousand Faces (Princeton, NJ: Princeton University Press, 1949), 3- 4.
216. Ibid., 3-4.
217. Ibid., 11.
218. Ibid., 17.
219. David Feinstein, Stanley Krippner, Dennis Granger, “Mythmaking and Human Development,” Journal of Humanistic Psychology 28, no.3 (1988): 23-50.
220. Ibid., 24.
221. Ibid., 26.
222. Ibid., 27.
223. David Whyte, Crossing the Unknown Sea: Work as a Pilgrimage of Identity (New York: Riverhead Books, 2001), 8.
224. Ibid., 5-6.
225. Ibid., 7-8.
226. Ibid., 24-25.
227. Ibid., 36.
228. Ibid., 11-12.
229. Ibid., 68-69.
230. Ibid., 13.
231. Ibid., 14.
232. Ibid., 92. 305
233. Ibid., 93.
234. Sardello, Facing the World with Soul, 11.
235. Ibid.
236. Ibid., 15.
237. Ibid., 179-180.
238. Ibid.
239. Ibid., 16-17.
240. Ibid., 21.
241. Ibid., 179-180.
242. Sussman, The Speech of the Grail, ix, 2.
243. Ibid., 1.
244. Ibid., 1, 5-6.
245. Ibid., 7, xiii.
246. Ibid., 41.
247. Ibid., 1, 5-6.
248. Gruber, An Unknown Destiny, xiv.
249. Ibid., 1.
250. Ibid., 2-3.
251. Ibid., 3.
252. Ibid., 5.
253. Malidoma Somé, The Healing Wisdom of Africa: Finding Life Purpose Through Nature, Ritual and Community (New York: Tarcher/Putnam, 1998), 1-3, 34.
254. Ibid., 33.
255. Ibid., 258.
256. Ibid., 34.
257. Julien Huxley, “Transhumanism,” Journal of Humanistic Psychology 8, no.1 (1968): 73, 76.
258. Ibid.
259. Ibid., 73.
260. Michael Comer, “The Role of Passion, Calling, and Destiny In Leadership: A Phenomenological Study” (Ph.D. Diss., University of Phoenix, 2003), 20.
261. Ibid., 37. 306
262. Ibid.
263. Ibid., i.
264. Albert Bandera, “The Psychology of Chance Encounters,” American Psychologist 37, (1982): 747-755.
265. Ibid., 748.
266. Ibid., 754.
267. Ibid.
268. Roszak, Ecopsychology, 4, 13.
269. Bender, The Culture of Extinction, 20.
270. Buzzell and Chalquist, Ecotherapy, 17.
271. Robinson, “Psychotherapy as if the World Mattered,” in Ecotherapy, 24-25.
272. Roszak, Ecopsychology, 7.
273. Ibid. 244. Ibid., 10-12.
274. Ibid., 12.
275. Ibid., 13.
276. James Lovelock, Gaia: A New Look at Life on Earth (New York: Oxford University Press, 1979), 2.
277. Roszak, Ecopsychology, 13.
278. Ibid., 14.
279. Buzzell and Chalquist, Ecotherapy, 18.
280. Ibid., 18-19.
281. Ronen Berger and John McLeod, “Incorporating Nature into Therapy: A Framework for Practice,” Journal of Systemic Therapies 25, no. 2 (2006): 80-94.
282. Ibid.
283. Ibid.
284. Berger, “Using Contact with Nature, Creativity and Rituals as a Therapeutic Medium with Children with Learning Difficulties: A Case Study,” Emotional and Behavioral Difficulties 11, no.2 (June 2006): 135-146.
285. Ibid.
286. Robinson, “Psychotherapy as if Nature Mattered,” in Ecotherapy, 24.
287. Ibid.
288. Ambra Burls, “New Landscapes for Mental Health,” The Mental Health Review 10, no.1 (March 2005): 26-29. 307
289. Ibid.
290. Glendinning, My Name Is Chellis, ix-x.
291. Ibid., 5-8.
292. Ibid., 21.
293. Ibid., 61-62, 64.
294. Ibid., 89-95, 97, 109-110.
295. Ibid., 132-133.
296. Ibid., 205, 320.
297. Abram, Becoming Animal, 69.
298. Ibid., 133-134.
299. An interview with Abram conducted by Derrick Jensen, How Shall I Live my Life? On Liberating the Earth from Civilization (Oakland, CA: PM Press, 2008), 230.
300. Ibid.
301. Bender, The Culture of Extinction, 20-22.
302. Ibid., 18-19.
303. Ibid., 10-11.
304. Ibid., 127.
305. Ibid., 432.
306. Bill Plotkin, Nature and the Human Soul: Cultivating Wholeness and Community in a Fragmented World (Novato, CA: New World Library, 2008), 456.
307. Ibid., 3.
308. Ibid., 326.
309. Plotkin, Soulcraft: Crossing into the Mysteries of Nature and Psyche (Novato, CA: New World Library, 2003), 25.
310. Ibid., 38.
311. Ibid., 318-319, 362.
312. Ibid., 318-319.
313. Ibid., 364.
314. Arnold Mindell, Earth-Based Psychology: Path Awareness from the Teachings of Don Juan, Richard Feynman, and Lao Tse (Portland, OR: Lao Tse Press, 2007), 4, 9.
315. Ibid., 21.
316. Berry, The Dream of the Earth, 194. 308
317. Ibid., 195.
318. Ibid., 23.
319. Naess, The Ecology of Wisdom: Writings by Arne Naess, eds. Drengson and Devall (Berkeley, CA: Counterpoint, 2008), 25.
320. Ibid., 3, 19, 26.
321. Ibid., 36-37.
322. Naess, “Self-Realization: An Ecological Approach to Being in the World,” in The Ecology of Wisdom: Writings by Arne Naess, eds. Drengson and Devall (Berkeley, CA: Counterpoint, 2008), 82.
323. Ibid.
324. Ibid., 85.
325. Devall and Sessions, Deep Ecology, ix
326. Joanna Macy and Molly Brown Young, Coming Back to Life: Practices to Reconnect Our World (Gabriola Island, BC, Canada: New Society Publishers, 1998), 46.
327. Ibid., 47.
328. Paul Shepard, Subversive Science: Essays Toward an Ecology of Man, eds. Shepard and Daniel McKinley (Boston: Houghton Mifflin, 1969), 2, 82.
329. Sewall, “The Skill of Ecological Perception,” in Ecopsychology, eds. Roszak, Gomes, and Kanner, 204-207.
330. Ibid., 205-206.
331. Kenneth Worthy, “Modern Institutions, Phenomenal Dissociations, and Destructiveness Toward the Environment,” Organizational Environment 21, no 2 (2008): 148-170.
332. F. Stephan Mayer, Cynthia McPherson Frantz, “The Connectedness to Nature Scale: A Measure of Individuals’ Feeling in Community with Nature.” Journal of Environmental Psychology 24, (2004): 530-515.
333. Snyder, “Re-Inhabitation,” in The Deep Ecology Movement, 70-71.
334. Andy Fisher, “Toward a More Radical Ecopsychology: Therapy for a Dysfunctional Society,” Alternatives Journal 22, no.3 (1996): 20-26.
335. John Raven, “Psychologists and Sustainability,” American Psychologist 56, (2001): 455-457.
336. Ibid., 455.
337. Taylor, “Women of Color, Environmental Justice and Ecofeminism,” in Ecofeminism, ed. Warren, 63-65.
338. Irene Diamond and Gloria Feman Orenstein, eds., Reweaving the World: The Emergence of Ecofeminism (San Francisco: Sierra Book Club, 1990), 5-7.
339. Charlene Spretnak, “Ecofeminism: Our Roots and Flowering,” in Reweaving the World, x- xiii. 309
340. Ibid., 6.
341. Noble, Shakti Woman, 7.
342. Ibid., 7.
343. Ibid., 64.
344. Ibid., 7.
345. Ibid.
346. Ibid., 8.
347. Ibid., 44.
348. Corrine Kumar D’Souza, “A New Movement, A New Hope,” in Healing the Wounds: The Promise of Ecofeminism, ed. Judith Plant (Philadelphia: New Society Publishers, 1989), 30-32.
349. Petra Kelly, “Women and Power,” in Ecofeminism: Women, Culture, Nature, ed. Warren (Indianapolis, IN: University Press, 1997), 113-114.
350. Ibid., 118.
351. Susan Griffin, Woman and Nature: The Roaring Inside Her (New York: Harper and Row Publishers, 1978), 5-6.
352. Linda Hogan, Deena Metzner, and Brenda Peterson, Intimate Nature: The Bond Between Women and Animals (New York: Ballantine Publishing Group, 1998), xi-xvi.
353. Ibid.
354. Taylor, “Women of Color, Environmental Justice and Ecofeminism,” in Ecofeminism, ed. Warren, 63-65.
355. Ibid., 40-42.
356. Ibid.
357. Ibid., 42.
358. Ibid., 54.
359. Ibid., 48, 54.
360. Ibid., 58.
361. Ibid., 63.
362. Omer, written correspondence with author, May 12, 2010.
363. Ibid.
364. Ibid.
365. Omer, Imaginal Process, author’s notes, Meridian University, 2005 and 2006. 310
366. Barbara Greenfield, “The Archetypal Masculine: Its Manifestation in Myth, and its Significance for Women,” in The Father: Contemporary Jungian Perspectives, ed. Samuels (New York: University Press, 1985), 208.
367. Murdock, The Heroine’s Journey, 125; and Riane Eisler, The Chalice and the Blade (San Francisco: Harper, 1987), xvii; and Linda Schierse Leonard, Meeting the Madwoman: Empowering the Feminine Spirit (New York: Bantam Books, 1993), 17; and Leslie Irene Shore, Healing the Feminine: Reclaiming Woman’s Voice (St. Paul, MN: Llewellyn Publications, 1995), 95.
368. Greenfield, “The Archetypal Masculine,” in The Father, ed. Samuels, 180, 208-209.
369. Marion Woodman, Sitting at the Well. 1998. Sounds True. 1-59179-596-6. Compact disk.
370. Sanford L. Drob, Kabbalistic Visions: C.G. Jung and Jewish Mysticism (New Orleans: Spring Journal Books, 2010), 56-57, 60.
371. Ibid., 70.
372. Ibid., 132.
373. Murdock, The Heroine’s Journey, 160.
374. Ibid.
375. Bolen, Urgent Message from Mother, 1.
Chapter 3
1. Steiner Kvale, Interviews: An Introduction to Qualitative Research Interviewing (Thousand Oaks, CA: Sage Publications, 1996), 41-45.
2. Omer, Imaginal Studies, author’s notes, Meridian University, 2005.
3. Krueger, Success and the Fear of Success in Women, xiii.
4. Dissertation Handbook, 68.
5. Kvale, Interviews, 192.
6. Ibid.
7. Krueger, Success and the Fear of Success in Women, 53.
Chapter 4
1. Omer, Imaginal Process, author’s notes, Meridian University, 2006.
2. Samuels et al., A Critical Dictionary of Jungian Analysis (London: Routledge, 1986), 76-77. 311
3. Hillman, The Soul’s Code, 10.
4. May, Freedom and Destiny, 90.
5. Meade, Fate and Destiny, 199.
6. Plotkin, Nature and the Human Soul, 3.
7. Somé, The Healing Wisdom of Africa, 258.
8. Sardello, Love and the World: A Guide to Conscious Soul Practice (Great Barrington, MA: Lindisfarne Books, 2001), 33, 200.
9. Shoshana Fershtman, written correspondence with author, January 15, 2010.
10. Naess, “Self-Realization,” in The Ecology of Wisdom, eds. Dengson and Devall, 83.
11. Plotkin, Nature and the Human Soul, 326.
12. Ibid., 364.
13. Berry, The Dream of the Earth , 195.
14. May, Freedom and Destiny, 90.
15. Ibid., 167.
16. Sardello, Love and the World, 17.
17. Somé, The Healing Wisdom of Africa, 258.
18. Omer, written correspondence with author, May 12, 2010.
19. Chopra, Synchrodestiny, 150-151.
20. Omer, written correspondence with author, May 12, 2010.
21. Erik Erikson, Identity: Youth in Crisis (New York: W.W Norton & Co., 1968), 159.
22. Murdock, The Heroine’s Journey, 29.
23. Ibid.
24. Ibid., 18-19.
25. Ibid., 19.
26. Ibid., 68.
27. Ibid., cover.
28. Omer, Imaginal Process, author’s notes, Meridian University, April 22, 2006.
29. Omer, written communication from the author, May 12, 2010.
30. Omer, Imaginal Process, author’s notes, Meridian University, 2006.
31. Belenky et al., Women’s Ways of Knowing, 65. 312
32. Miller, Towards a New Psychology of Women, 83.
33. Josselson, Finding Herself, 101.
34. Ibid., 8, 102.
35. Ruderman, “Nurturance and Self-Sabotage: Women’s Ambivalence toward Success,” Psychoanalysis and Psychotherapy 17, no. 2 (2000): 276.
36. Krueger, Success and the Fear of Success in Women, 32.
37. Ibid., 31, 86, 123-125.
38. Griffin, “Ecofeminism and Meaning,” in Ecofeminism: Women, Culture, Nature, ed. Warren (Bloomington, IN: Indiana University Press, 1997), 224-225.
39. Omer, Imaginal Process, author’s notes, Meridian University, 2006.
40. Houston, Search For The Beloved, 104.
41. Ibid., 105, 107.
42. Meade, Fate and Destiny, 207.
43. Ibid., 200, 202.
44. Ibid., 206.
45. Plotkin, Nature and the Human Soul, 262.
46. Balint, The Basic Fault, 82.
47. Ibid., 82
48. Ibid., 22.
49. Bradshaw, Healing the Shame That Binds You, 3.
50. Ibid., 237.
51. Omer, Imaginal Process, author’s notes, Meridian University, 2005.
52. Kaufman, The Psychology of Shame, 66-68, 96.
53. Ibid., 47, 96, 53.
54. Nathanson, Shame and Pride, 92-99.
55. Omer, Integrative Seminar IIc, author’s notes, Meridian University, 2008.
56. Murdock, The Heroine’s Journey, 120-121.
57. Bolen, The Millionth Circle, 7.
58. Estés, Women Who Run with the Wolves, 13, 385
59. Ibid., 374.
60. Nathanson, Shame and Pride, 312. 313
61. Estés, Women Who Run with the Wolves, 8-11.
62. Bolen, The Millionth Circle, 3, 86.
63. Griffin, Women and Nature, 7-8.
64. Estés, Women Who Run with the Wolves, 8.
65. Omer, written correspondence with the author, May 12, 2012.
66. Omer, Imaginal Process I, author’s notes, Meridian University, 2005.
67. Woodman, Sitting at the Well compact disc; and Jung, Collected Works of Jung, ed. Volume 7 Bollinger Series XX, “Two Essays on Analytic Psychology,” 2nd edition, 270-271.
68. Greenfield, “The Archetypal Masculine,” in The Father, ed. Samuels, 208.
69. Murdock, The Heroine’s Journey, 125; and Leonard, Meeting the Madwoman, 17; and Shore, Healing the Feminine, 95.
70. Murdock, The Heroine’s Journey, 128; and Woodman, Sitting at the Well compact disk; and Leonard, Meeting the Madwoman, 17.
71. Shore, Healing the Feminine, 95.
72. Woodman, Sitting at the Well, compact disk.
73. Ibid., 180, 204.
74. Jung, Psychology and Alchemy (New York: Princeton University Press, 1968), 175.
75. Murdock, The Heroine’s Journey, 184-185.
76. Shore, Healing the Feminine, 190.
77. Plotkin, Nature and the Human Soul, 277.
78. Glendinning, My Name Is Chellis, 205.
79. Sewall, “The Skill of Ecological Perception,” in Ecopsychology, eds. Roszak, Gomes, and Kanner, 204-207.
80. Berger and McLeod, “Incorporating Nature into Therapy, 80-94.
Chapter 5
1. Kaufman, The Psychology of Shame, 96.
2. Drob, Kabbalistic Visions, 94.
3. Rachel Pollack, The Kabbalah Tree: A Journey of Balance and Growth (Saint Paul, MN: Llewellyn Publications, 2005), 43.
4. Ibid. 314
5. Drob, Kabbalistic Visions, 4.
6. Ibid., 14.
7. Pollack, The Kabbalah Tree, 47.
8. Estelle Frankel, Sacred Therapy: Jewish Spiritual Teachings on Emotional Healing and Inner Wholeness (Boston: Shambhala, 2005), 191.
9. Ibid., 69-70, 169.
10. Ibid., 165-166, 170.
11. Ibid., 171.
12. Drob, Kabbalistic Visions, 151.
13. Ibid., 4.
14. Ibid., 21-22.
15. Gershen Winkler, Magic in the Ordinary: Recovering the Shamanic Roots of Judaism (Berkeley, CA: North Atlantic Books, 2003), 202.
16. Pema Chodron, Start Where You Are: A Guide to Compassionate Living (Boston: Shambhala, 1994), 28.
17. Berger and McLeod, “Incorporating Nature into Therapy,” 87.
18. Krueger, Success and the Fear of Success in Women, 122.
19. Rutledge, Embracing Fear and Finding the Courage to Live Your Life, 8.
20. Plotkin, Nature and the Human Soul, 38, 319.
21. Jung, Memories, Dreams and Reflections (New York: Random House, 1961), 91. 315
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