Proverbs 10 31 Everyday Wisd

TABLE OF CONTENTS

Page

INTRODUCTION: A NOTE TO THE READER ...... 8

COUNSELING FROM THE PROVERBS ...... 9

Get Involved ...... 9

Inspire Hope ...... 9

Take Inventory ...... 9

Interpret Biblically ...... 12

Instruct Lovingly ...... 13

Induce Change ...... 13

Implement Application ...... 13

Achieve Integration ...... 13

UNDERSTANDING THE HEART IN PROVERBS ...... 14

Desires and Volition ...... 14

Thoughts ...... 15

Emotions ...... 15

Behavior ...... 15

From Root to Fruit ...... 16

PRIDE AND HUMILITY: PRIDE GOES BEFORE DESTRUCTION ...... 18

Recognize Pride ...... 18

Reject Pride ...... 24

Replace Pride with Humility ...... 27

GRIEF AND LOSS: A CRUSHED SPIRIT WHO CAN BEAR? ...... 36

Candor: Be Honest with Yourself ...... 40

Complaint: Be Honest with God ...... 42

Crying Out: Plead for God’s Help ...... 46

Comfort: Receive God’s Strength ...... 49

Confidence: Trust God to Heal ...... 52

BIBLICAL FRIENDSHIP: CLOSER THAN A BROTHER ...... 58

Friendship is Elusive ...... 59

Friendship is Essential ...... 60

Friendship is Broken ...... 62

Friendship is Restored ...... 62

The Friends to Avoid ...... 63

The Friend to Be and the Friend to Find ...... 66

ANXIETY: THE RIGHTEOUS ARE BOLD AS A LION ...... 76

Comprehend Fear and Anxiety ...... 76

Confess Fear and Anxiety ...... 84

Counteract Fear and Anxiety ...... 85

ANGER: A SOFT ANSWER TURNS AWAY WRATH ...... 96

Anger Can Be Good ...... 97

Anger Can Be Bad ...... 99

Anger Goes Deep ...... 105

The Gospel Goes Deeper ...... 109

TRUTH AND DECEPTION: AN HONEST ANSWER KISSES THE LIPS ...... 117

The Liar’s Creator ...... 118

The Liar’s Deception ...... 123

The Liar’s Destiny ...... 126

The Liar’s Redemption ...... 128

WORDS TO THE WISE: APPLES OF GOLD IN SETTINGS OF SILVER ...... 134

Words which Harm Our Neighbor ...... 135

Words which Heal the Heart ...... 139

Words which Help the Righteous ...... 144

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WEALTH: NEITHER POVERTY NOR RICHES ...... 154

The “Promise” of Prosperity ...... 155

The Priorities of Prosperity ...... 158

The Practice of Prosperity ...... 160

GOSSIP AND SLANDER: CHOKING ON CHOICE MORSELS...... 166

Recognize Gossip ...... 168

Resist Gossip ...... 175

Repent of Gossip ...... 180

ADDICTIONS: A BANQUET IN THE GRAVE ...... 186

The Trouble of Addiction ...... 187

The Terror of Addiction ...... 193

The Treatment for Addiction ...... 196

The Track for Recovering Addicts ...... 201

LAZINESS: A LITTLE SLEEP, A LITTLE SLUMBER ...... 205

Habitually Procrastinating: Idol of Comfort ...... 206

Hasty to Make Excuses: Idol of Security ...... 210

Haughty in Self-Appraisement: Idol of Pride ...... 212

Harmful to Community: Idol of Self-Centeredness ...... 213

Hungry for Fulfillment: Idol of Greedy Pleasure ...... 216

Humbly in Need of Heart Change ...... 218

GUIDANCE: COMMIT YOUR WORKS TO THE LORD ...... 223

Grow in Doctrine ...... 224

Grow in Character ...... 229

Grow in Wisdom ...... 232

Grow in Community ...... 237

Grow in Christ ...... 238

PARENTING: TRAIN UP A CHILD ...... 243

In the Way He Should Go (22:6a) ...... 245

In Love ...... 248

In Obedience ...... 251

In Truth ...... 257

In Faith (22:6b) ...... 260

AGUR’S PRAYER IN A FALLEN WORLD (PROV 30) ...... 264

Agur’s Prayer for Humility (vv. 1-9) ...... 267

Agur’s Principles for Wisdom (vv. 10-33) ...... 273

Agur’s Promise of Salvation (v. 5) ...... 279

MARRIAGE: HE WHO FINDS A WIFE FINDS A GOOD THING (PROV 31) .284

The Proverbs 31 Man (vv. 1-9)...... 285

The Proverbs 31 Woman (vv. 10-31) ...... 288

The Proverbs 31 God ...... 298

THE GOSPEL BEGINNING IN PROVERBS ...... 302

God ...... 302

Man ...... 304

Christ...... 305

Response ...... 307

THE ATTRIBUTES OF GOD ...... 309

The Knowledge of the Holy ...... 309

God’s Holiness ...... 311

God’s Love ...... 314

God’s Wisdom ...... 318

God’s Power ...... 323

APPENDIX 1: OUTLINE OF PROVERBS 10-31 ...... 330

APPENDIX 2: APPLYING AND INTERPRETING PROVERBS ...... 331

Applying Proverbs ...... 331

Interpreting Proverbs ...... 333

APPENDIX 3: TOPICAL INDEX OF PROVERBS 1-31 ...... 348

APPENDIX 4: MEMORY VERSES FROM PROVERBS ...... 384

APPENDIX 5: “BETTER THAN” COMPARISONS ...... 387

APPENDIX 6: VARIOUS KINDS OF FOOLS ...... 389

APPENDIX 7: MATURITY IN PROVERBS ...... 395

APPENDIX 8: COUNSEL FOR PARENTS ...... 397

APPENDIX 9: WORD STUDY ON THE HEART ...... 399

The Heart (Lev, Levav) ...... 399

Life and Soul (Nephesh) ...... 404

Spirit (Ruach) ...... 406

Desire (Taawah, Awah) ...... 407

Joy and Delight (Chephetz) ...... 408

Hope (Tikwah, Toqueleth) ...... 408

Innermost Parts (Heder Beten) ...... 409

BIBLIOGRAPHY ...... 410

General Resources ...... 410

Pride and Humility ...... 411

Grief and Loss ...... 411

Biblical Friendship ...... 412

Anxiety ...... 412

Anger ...... 412

Truth and Deception ...... 412

Communication ...... 412

Wealth ...... 412

Gossip and Slander ...... 412

Addictions ...... 413

Laziness ...... 413

Guidance ...... 413

Parenting ...... 413

Marriage ...... 413

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INTRODUCTION: A NOTE TO THE READER

Welcome to the feast of Proverbs as we partake in a series of topical studies from this marvelous book of wisdom. We have already traveled verse-by-verse through Proverbs 1-9 to set the table, if you will, for the banquet that is to come. So may each of these studies, like courses in a sumptuous feast, be both pleasurable and intensely practical. Make it your goal to always apply what you learn and teach your children to apply God’s Word as well. For the goal of biblical instruction is not simply to regurgitate information, but to meditate on it and be transformed (Ps 1:1-3). If you do not currently have a daily Bible study plan, consider reading one psalm and one chapter in Proverbs each day (corresponding to the day of the month). Chapter 1 provides helpful guidelines for using the Proverbs to counsel yourself and others. The appendices include helpful tools for interpreting Proverbs as a whole and the bibliography provides resources to further study each topic. You will also find many additional resources (e.g., articles, video lectures, PowerPoint slides, teaching handouts, etc.) on our church website http://nlcwh.org/content.cfm?id=3156. Here is everyday wisdom for everyday life.

COUNSELING FROM THE PROVERBS1

As you discover the insight of Proverbs, you may wonder how to strategically and biblically counsel others. This chapter provides some helpful ideas for counseling from the Proverbs.

Get Involved Get involved in your friend’s life for their good benefit. Grow in relationship with them in order to help them (John 13:34-35; 1 Pet 4:8). “A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity” (Prov 17:17). Talk to people in your church and small group. Ask how you can pray for them and learn to be a good listener. Counseling opportunities abound when others know you care.

Inspire Hope Inspire your friend with hope that God’s Word can accomplish lasting life change (Rom 15:4; e.g., 1 Cor 10:13). Offer hope to those who are reaping the consequences of living life their own way (Gal 6:7-8). Echo the bold promise of Proverbs: “Know that wisdom is such to your soul; if you find it, there will be a future, and your hope will not be cut off” (Prov 24:14). Direct your friend to the divine source of help and hope.

Take Inventory Ask good questions to take inventory of your friend’s situation. Are they struggling with sin or suffering issues? Are they at fault or have they been wronged by someone else? What other influences and factors are at work? “If one gives an answer before he hears, it is his folly and shame” (Prov 18:13; see vv. 2, 17). Below is one way

1 One helpful guide: Deepak Reju, “Using Wisdom Literature in the Personal Ministry of the Word,” in Scripture and Counseling, ed. Bob Kellemen and Jeff Forrey (Grand Rapids: Zondervan, 2014), 337-52.

to take inventory of your friend’s “storee.”

STOREE I am grateful to the LORD for the opportunity to meet with you and sincerely desire to understand what is happening in your life. To get started would you please tell me your “storee?” “Storee” is a way for me to learn some general information about you. Your answers can be as long as you like but please provide at least a few sentences for each letter of the acronym. Thank you for your help and I will be prayerfully anticipating our meeting.

S – Situation: What are the circumstances? How old are you? What’s going on in your life? What are the names of your family members? What seems to be the main problem? How do you hope I can help you? T – Thinking: What is your typical thinking about this situation (i.e., What thoughts regularly go through your mind as you struggle)? What do you think or wonder about yourself in relation to the situation? What do you think of others in relation to the situation? What do you like to think about in general? What do you do to occupy your mind? O – Others: How are others involved? How does this issue impact others? What have others done to compound or alleviate the problem? R – Response: What are you doing about this issue? What have you done in the past to address this issue? How do you react when this issue becomes a problem? What are your typical actions or reactions to this problem (e.g., “I get angry and go for a drive”)? When you are feeling pressure in life how does it come out? What do you do in response? How are you sleeping? E – Emotions: Describe your typical emotions. What makes you feel fearful or anxious? What makes you angry? What would make you happy (related to this situation)? What would give you peace (related to this situation)? E – Expectations: What do you desire (related to the situation)? What would you like? What are you getting that you don’t want? What do you want that you aren’t getting? What do you think you need (e.g., “I need respect”)? What are you hoping will happen through counseling?

Journaling Journaling is another helpful tool for taking inventory of your friend’s situation. Ask them to record each time over a weekly period in which they struggle with the particular issue. Below is a sample journal for one who struggles with anxiety. 10

HEART JOURNAL (Fear/Anxiety) 1. What happened to provoke me to fear? (What were the circumstances that led to my becoming fearful?) ______2. What did I say to myself (in my heart) when I became fearful? (What did I want,

desire, or long for when I became fearful?) ______3. What does the Bible say about what I said to myself when I became fearful? (What does the Bible say about what I wanted when I became fearful?) ______

4. What should I have said to myself when I became fearful? (What should I have wanted more than my selfish/idolatrous desire?) ______5. What have I done about my thoughts, desires and actions that were not pleasing to

God? (acknowledge, confess, and repent) ______

6. What will I do (practice) to implement my new thought into action (be specific and concrete) ______

Interpret Biblically Once you take inventory of your friend’s situation, then analyze the information biblically in order to provide helpful, personal, applicable, biblical advice (Luke 24:13-26). How is your friend relating to God and to others (Matt 22:37-39)? Are they manifesting the fruit of the Spirit or the deeds of the flesh (Gal 5:19-23)? What are the underlying heart motives which govern your friend’s thinking, emotions, and behavior (Prov 4:23; Luke 6:45)? “The purpose in a man's heart is like deep water, but a man of understanding will draw it out” (Prov 20:5). Help your friend theologically understand where they are in the process of sanctifying heart change. Diagram from Tim Lane & Paul Tripp, How People Change (New Growth, 2008)

1. External Heat (suffering, circumstances, etc.) ______2. Outward Behavior (actions, words, etc.) ______3. Inner Person (thoughts, emotions, will) ______4. Heart Motives (God-honoring vs. idolatrous desires) ______12

Instruct Lovingly “Whoever gives thought to the word will discover good, and blessed is he who trusts in the LORD” (Prov 16:20). Counseling involves “speaking the truth in love” (Eph 4:15), so your instruction must be both biblical and compassionate. Exhort your friend to obey God’s Word by offering concrete, practical instruction that can bring about change (2 Tim 3:16-17). Suppose your friend is struggling with anxiety. Read the different proverbs addressing anxiety together. Help them understanding the meaning. Meditate on the verses and consider possible applications for their life. Teach them how to memorize the most impacting proverbs and how to take every thought captive (2 Cor 10:5).

Induce Change Motivate your friend to make certain commitments or decisions which will facilitate biblical change (Ps 42). Help them to move from acknowledging the right path to taking an initial step. “In all toil there is profit, but mere talk tends only to poverty” (Prov 14:23).

Implement Application Design projects for growth with your friend until they willingly implement specific strategies which effect life change. Focus on the “how” as well as the “what” of biblical change (Heb 3:13; Jas 1:22). Trust that as they apply God’s Word to their life, they will begin to grow and change. “The path of the righteous is like the light of dawn, which shines brighter and brighter until full day” (Prov 4:18).

Achieve Integration Help your friend integrate the biblical truths into their life until the changes become habitual. Help them find a loving fellowship of believers who obey God’s Word to receive ongoing discipleship in a local church (Heb 10:24-25; Rom 12:4-16). “Whoever walks with the wise becomes wise, but the companion of fools will suffer harm” (Prov 13:20). 13

UNDERSTANDING THE HEART IN PROVERBS

The following is a cursory synopsis of the inner man in Proverbs.1 The purpose is to establish the importance of understanding the heart as we seek to become wise counselors. As Solomon writes in Proverbs 4:23, “Keep your heart with all vigilance, for from it flow the springs of life.” He places great emphasis on the heart because the heart is the control center for all human life. As the source of our thoughts, emotions, desires, and volition, it is the root cause of many interpersonal and behavioral problems and delights. The counselor must therefore labor to draw out the depths of the human heart: “The purpose in a man's heart is like deep water, but a man of understanding will draw it out” (20:5).

Desires and Volition The inner man can be directed by discipline (22:15), physical suffering (20:30), and self-determination (16:32; 17:27; 23:19), but ultimately by the heart’s own desires and motives (13:19). We can partly understand the heart of others because of our human commonalities (27:19), but we can never fully discern another person’s motives (20:24). We often plan out the future in our hearts with hopeful expectation (16:1, 9; 19:21). Yet we must seek wisdom from the Lord (3:5), wise parents (23:26), good friends (20:5), and an excellent spouse (31:11) because we cannot trust ourselves alone (28:26; see 18:1). Every one of us is a sinner (20:9) with foolish heart desires (13:2, 4; 19:2; 21:10, 25-26; 24:1). As sinners, we may despise reproof (5:12) and even harden our hearts (28:14) with self-justification (21:2). So the wise counselor reveals that God will only reward the righteous desires of our heart (10:28; 11:7, 23).

1 A more detailed word study can be found in Appendix 9.

Thoughts The heart also includes a person’s thoughts, for the inner man can grow in understanding, knowledge, instruction, and wisdom (2:1-2). We must store God’s Word in our hearts and allow that truth to transform us from within (7:1-3). By learning sense (8:5; 13:15; 19:8), we can avoid senseless folly (15:21) in our work (24:30), life pursuits (12:11), finances (17:16, 18), speech (11:12), and marriage (6:32; 7:7). Therefore, the wise counselor will instruct the heart to pursue wisdom (8:11; see 3:15) and to think rightly (4:3-4).

Emotions Proverbs also addresses emotions of the heart as the inner man delights in contentment (14:30) and joy (15:15). The state of our heart often shows in our disposition (15:13a) and may also affect our physical health (17:22). The heart can be crushed by sorrow (15:13b), so we must grieve with those who grieve (25:20; see 14:13). The heart may grow sick from lack of hope (13:12; 18:14), grieve a bitter loss (14:10), be weighed down by anxiety (12:25a), or sent out-of-control by anger (14:29; 25:28; 29:11). We can rejoice, however, in wise children (23:15; 27:11; 29:17), faithful employees (25:13), good news (25:25), faithful friends (27:9; see 16:24), and the well- being of others (15:30; see 24:17). Earnest counsel brings gladness (27:9) and a good word brings relief (12:25b). So the wise counselor will promise life for the soul (3:21-22) and hope for future change (19:18; 23:18; 24:14).

Behavior The inner man will produce either godly or sinful fruit (14:14). The righteous heart which produces good behavior (3:1) and good words (11:13; 15:28; 16:23; 22:11) will receive great honor (29:23). The sinful heart, however, can be proud (16:5, 18; 18:12; 21:4), envious (23:17), angry (19:3), twisted (12:8), or crooked (11:20). It produces wicked behavior (6:12-19) and wicked words. More specifically, the sinful

heart speaks perversely (23:33), hypocritically (23:7; 26:23), deceitfully (6:12-19; 12:20; 17:20; 26:25), foolishly (12:23; 15:7), and angrily (24:2). So the wise counselor will instruct others to guard the soul (4:23) by steering clear of evil (22:5; see 21:23) and by trusting the Lord to guard the soul as well (15:11; 16:2; 17:3; 20:27; 21:2; 24:12). Faithful friends warn against folly and the consequences of sin (11:30; 18:7; 22:24-25).

From Root to Fruit To use a word picture, each person is like a tree.2 The heart, or inner man, forms the roots of this tree and receives the nourishment of God’s wisdom from various sources. The desires and volition of the man reflect his heart. His thoughts and emotions stem from the roots and transfer his desires into behavior. His words and actions are therefore the fruit on this tree which represent the tree’s health. Although root produces fruit, external trials such as too much sun or wind and too little rain or soil can affect the tree at its roots (Jer 17:5-6). Rotten fruit reveals corruption throughout the tree (v. 9), whereas the healthy tree remains strong in hard times by drinking from the truth of God’s

Word (vv. 7-8). The Lord tests the heart perfectly (v. 10) and counselors seek to do so wisely as well. We can understand a person’s heart (Prov 20:5) by examining their behavior, thoughts, and emotions in the midst of trials (v. 11) and asking good heart questions (see Heb 4:12).

2 The diagram below is a resource of Harvest Bible Chapel’s ministry of Biblical Soul Care, accessed at http://www.harvestbiblechapel.org/ministries/biblical-soul-care.

PRIDE AND HUMILITY: PRIDE GOES BEFORE DESTRUCTION

I. Recognize Pride (Prov 21:4, 24; 25:14, 27; 29:25)

II. Reject Pride (Prov 3:34; 6:16-17; 8:13; 11:2; 13:10; 14:12; 15:25; 16:5, 18-19; 18:12; 25:6-7a; 29:23)

III. Replace Pride (Prov 27:2; 1 Pet 5:5b-7)

Recognize Pride Jonathan Edwards once wrote,

Remember that pride is the worst viper that is in the heart, the greatest disturber of the soul’s peace and of sweet communion with Christ. It was the first sin committed and lies lowest in the foundation of Satan’s whole building, and is with the greatest difficulty rooted out, and is the most hidden, secret, and deceitful of all lusts, and often creeps insensibly into the midst of religion, even, sometimes, under the disguise of humility itself.1

As we focus on pride, the first step to change is to realize we have a problem. But how do we know if we are proud? Isn’t it the nature of pride to be blind to our sin? Proverbs describes three types of proud people.

The boastful “Like clouds and wind without rain is a man who boasts of a gift he does not give” (25:14). The first sign of pride is the big talker—the one who boasts about himself. Ever been outside on a windy day? The storm clouds have rolled in, dark and heavy. You don’t have your grandpa’s trick knee, but you say to your dog: “Looks like rain. Our grass could sure use a shower.” Yet the next morning you wake up and the ground is dry. The sky is clear with no sign of rain. It’s a disappointed expectation. So also, the big

1 Jonathan Edwards, The Works of Jonathan Edwards, ed. by Anthony Uyl (Woodstock, ON: Devoted Publishing, 2017), 1:67.

talker is like clouds and wind without rain. He boasts with blustery bravado. She is the business partner who promises: “I’m going to make you rich,” but never follows through. It’s the employee who says, “I’ll get it done by tomorrow,” but tells you the next day, “I just didn’t have the time.” It’s the dad who promises his son, “I’ll spend time with you on the weekend. Daddy’s gotta get this done.” It’s the false teacher who guarantees freedom, but then enslaves his followers (see 2 Pet 2:19; Jude 12). Have you ever dashed someone else’s expectations by your foolish boasting?

Do you have a way of disappointing others? That’s a mark of pride. You speak brashly to others to look good in their eyes. You may even be sincere, yet your overinflated self- importance keeps you from delivering your promises. Pride is making big promises you cannot keep. The world’s smallest package is a man wrapped up in himself, yet the boaster seeks to elevate himself. According to Proverbs 25:27, “It is not good to eat much honey, nor is it glorious to seek one's own glory.” Honey may be sweet to the taste, but you should not gorge (see v. 16). So also, do not boast in your glory: “Let another praise you, and not your own mouth; a stranger, and not your own lips” (27:2).2 Let someone else praise you—perhaps a stranger without skin in the game. Such praise may not come as quickly as you desire, but at least you know it’s genuine. You cannot trust the self-praise of your own proud heart or the fawning praise of the flatterer as much as you can trust the praise of an objective witness—especially if that witness is God. Even when no one else notices, God knows your heart and sees your works. Pride needs constant validation. Every fabulous idea must be declared and

“liked” on social media. Pride gets disappointed when nobody noticed you serving in that behind-the-scenes ministry (That’s why it’s called “behind-the-scenes”).3 The insecurity

2 Do not revise this proverb to say, “Let another praise you, then immediately retweet it to all your friends.”

3 Beware of pride creeping into ministry! Martin Luther said his biggest problem was self- 19

of pride compels you to list your good deeds for those you think have missed it: “Honey, did you notice I washed the dishes today? Did you see I cleaned the house?” Pride is when parents tell their kids: “Look at all the things I do for you. Why can’t you be more grateful?” Pride is when celebrities tell the local media outlet how much they are giving to charity. We’ve associated doing good with improving our status before others.

The bashful Proud people are boasters, yet it’s not only the loud who are proud. You can be quiet and reserved, and still be sanctimonious. You need not be Pharaoh or Nebuchadnezzar. Instead, you might be Moses who whined to God,

Oh, my Lord, I am not eloquent, either in the past or since you have spoken to your servant, but I am slow of speech and of tongue. Then the LORD said to him, “Who has made man's mouth? Who makes him mute, or deaf, or seeing, or blind? Is it not I, the LORD? Now therefore go, and I will be with your mouth and teach you what you shall speak.” But he said, “Oh, my Lord, please send someone else.” Then the anger of the LORD was kindled against Moses (Exod 4:10-14a).

God tells Moses, “Go,” but Moses says, “I can’t!”

God tells him, “I’ve given you everything you need.” Moses says, “I don’t think so.” At first glance, we think Moses is being humble, so why then does God rebuke him? It is because Moses’s fear and anxiety are rooted in pride. Moses thinks too much of himself: “What should I say? What if they don’t listen? What if I fail? I’m not very eloquent.” In his pride, Moses takes his focus off the Lord, which is sadly ironic as he stands in God’s holy presence. As Proverbs 29:25 reveals, “The fear of man lays a snare, but whoever trusts in the LORD is safe.” The opposite of fearing man is trusting in the Lord—thinking more about God than self-preservation. For humility is not thinking less of yourself, but thinking of yourself less. So although some have been labelled shy or

centeredness, so he became a monk. Yet when he served the poor, he realized that he was doing it to feel noble. He was still prideful, even as a monk. For as Jesus said in John 12:43, “They loved the glory that comes from man more than the glory that comes from God” (see Matt 6:1).

socially anxious or reserved or introverted, realize that fear of man is simply another form of pride. You are concerned that if you don’t look out for Number One, then no one else will. Pride is thinking too much about yourself. Boasters express those thoughts aloud, while the bashful keep it in. For example, during a family dinner at a public restaurant, one of my boys (who will remain nameless) sculpted a volcano out of mashed potatoes and made it erupt with pepperoni lava. Just as I looked over, he plunged his face into the plate and devoured the mashed potatoes like a rabid dog. I was horrified, “No! Stop! Use a fork!” Yet I thought to myself after the trauma: “Why was I horrified?” Was I the concerned parent: “How is this boy ever going to find a wife?” Was I the concerned citizen: “Are we disturbing the other diners in this restaurant?” Or was it pride: “I wonder how this reflects on me as a parent?” How we respond to embarrassment or conflict or criticism, depicts the state of our hearts. If there’s pride in our heart, then any kind of pressure will force it out (4:23).

Or consider the teenage girl who struggles socially. She spends hours fretting about the next day at school: What she’s going to wear, how to do her hair, who she’s going to talk to, what she’s going to say. She does everything possible to control her environment. She too is proud and preoccupied with self. Yet imagine if she focused instead on the two greatest commandments: Love God and love people (Matt 22:35-40).

She thinks about God: “Thank you, God, for creating me uniquely. How can I be a reflection of your beauty? Are the clothes that I wear honoring to you? Are my desires each day aligned with yours? Thank you, God, for giving me life and breath and the privilege of an education. How do you want me to steward these resources? What future occupation will best build your kingdom? She might pray, “God, I’m scared. I get really nervous about social situations. Would you teach me to trust you as I go about my day? God, give me courage to seek your favor above all else.” She will also consider other people: “Who can I bless and edify with my words? How can I encourage my teachers 21

and classmates? What acts of service or words of grace will best bring glory to Christ?” The young woman who seeks to love God and others before herself will wear “the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious” (1 Pet 3:4).

The blasphemous Ultimately, whether boastful or bashful, the prideful person scoffs at God. “‘Scoffer’ is the name of the arrogant, haughty man who acts with arrogant pride” (Prov

21:24). The repeated terms for pride in this proverb identify the scoffer: His pride is so ingrained it has become synonymous with his name. Pride brings him to such furious self-importance that he will not ever submit to Almighty God. He wants to be a god himself, refusing to acknowledge dependence on his Creator. In Mere Christianity, C. S. Lewis called pride, “The great sin.” “It was through pride that the devil became the devil: Pride leads to every other vice: it is the complete anti-God state of mind.”4 Pride built up the tower of Babel and hardened Pharaoh’s heart to the Israelites. Pride filled the mouth of king Nebuchadnezzar: “Is not this great Babylon, which I have built by my mighty power as a royal residence and for the glory of my majesty?” (Dan 4:30). Pride was the sin of Satan who desired to be God. Listen to the divine commentary in Isaiah 14: “You said in your heart, ‘I will ascend to heaven; above the stars of God I will set my throne on high; I will sit on the mount of assembly in the far reaches of the north; I will ascend above the heights of the clouds; I will make myself like the Most High.’ But you are brought down to Sheol, to the far reaches of the pit” (vv.

13-15). God created Satan as an archangel of heavenly light, but that was not enough. In his pride, Satan sought to raise himself above the Creator. Then because of pride, Satan was cast down from heaven.

4 C. S. Lewis, Mere Christianity (New York: HarperCollins, 1980), 122.

Sadly, we commit Satan’s folly every time we sin. For whenever we sin, we momentarily forget the God-ness of God. Pride is man’s attempt to ungod God by fools who say in our hearts, “There is no God” (Ps 14:1). We are devilish in our intent and arrogant in self-exaltation. In that moment of sin, we choose to appease the idol of self instead of worshiping the God who made us. Therefore, we must guard our heart from pride, for from it flow the springs of life (Prov 4:23). The heart is the place in which we worship, for we were all created to be worshipers. The only question is what or whom?

Our pride convinces us to worship self, instead of God. Pride boils down to a matter of the heart: “Haughty eyes and a proud heart, the lamp of the wicked, are sin” (21:4). We set forth treachery as a lamp to our feet (cp. Ps 119:105). We think we know the way as we stumble in the darkness. Looking down on others or speaking pompously about ourselves arises from a self-serving heart, for an arrogant heart cultivates the soil in which all other sins will grow. So do you have a worship disorder? Ask yourself some diagnostic questions:

1. Do you feel hurt or overlooked when others are promoted around you (John 3:30)?

2. Are you quick to blame others for their failures, but become defensive when you are criticized (Prov 9:7-9; 12:1; 13:1)?

3. Do you tend to cover up sin (28:13)?

4. Do you talk too much about yourself (27:2)?

5. Are you overanxious, insecure, or perfectionistic (1 Pet 5:5-7)?

6. Do you fear man more than God (Prov 29:25; John 12:43)? Do you seek man’s approval more than God’s?

7. Do you feel entitled or ungrateful, captive to self-pity—feeling like you’re not getting what you deserve?

8. Are you easily angered or offended by others (1 Cor 6:7)? Are you constantly in relational conflicts (Prov 13:10)? If you answered, “Yes,” to any of these questions, then part of you worships

self more than you worship God. Pride claims that you are more important than the people around you, including God. Pride says that you deserve the worship of others as well. At first, you may not notice pride when life is good—when others are serving you as they should—when your spouse fills your love tank just how you like it—when your child behaves like a model student. But watch out when something happens you don’t like—when circumstances threaten your idol of self—when other selfish people demand you worship them. At that moment, your dragon of pride will rear its ugly head and lash out against the enemy. Pride will always reflect whom or what you worship. We all battle with pride daily, so the first step to healing is to admit we have a problem. Recognize the pride in your heart and learn to identify it specifically. Don’t just pray generically: “God, help me with my pride.” No, learn how to name your pride specifically and to root it out completely: “God, I obsess about myself in social situations. I get defensive and angry when people criticize my work. I feel sad when people don’t notice the good deeds I’ve done. I know this pride is rooted in my heart.” You must name your sin specifically in order to be forgiven fully. Then once you recognize the pride in your heart, you must go about rejecting it.

Reject Pride According to John Stott, “At every stage of our Christian development and in every sphere of our Christian discipleship, pride is our greatest enemy and humility our greatest friend.”5 Consider two reasons to reject pride.

God’s holy judgment

First, reject pride because God hates it: “There are six things that the LORD hates, seven that are an abomination to him” (Prov 6:16). At the top of this list are “haughty eyes” which look down on others (v. 17a; see 8:13). In 16:5, “Everyone who is

5 John Stott, Pride, Humility, & God.

arrogant in heart is an abomination to the LORD; be assured, he will not go unpunished.” The proud person is an abomination to the Lord, for God hates conceit. He hates the arrogant in heart. This is no minor irritation as he promises punishment for those who are proud: “Toward the scorners he is scornful, but to the humble he gives favor” (3:34). “Pride goes before destruction” (16:18; 18:12) and, “The LORD tears down the house of the proud” (15:25a). In 11:2, “When pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with the humble is wisdom.” In 29:23, “One's pride will bring him low, but he who is lowly in spirit will obtain honor.” Eve took the fruit because of pride (Gen 3). Cain got angry because of pride (Gen 4). Remember also Uzziah who was a great king of Judah, “but when he was strong, he grew proud, to his destruction. For he was unfaithful to the LORD his God and entered the temple of the LORD to burn incense on the altar of incense” (2 Chr 26:16). Pride goes before the fall. I’m reminded of a plane flight I took in China. Our host was able to bump us up to some empty seats in business class, but confusion ensued when we boarded the plane. The queen of the cabin—the senior flight attendant obviously did not get the memo and demanded that we could not upgrade our seats. Our host insisted, “But these are important people from America.” The stubborn stewardess would not budge and demanded that we pay an exorbitant fee like $1000 per person or else move to the back. This was the Chinese way of saying, “No,” without having to say, “No.” She did not want to offend the important Americans, but she refused to give up ground. So we had to sheepishly admit that although we were “very important,” we were not very rich. We shuffled to the back amidst the catcalls of irate fellow passengers. I ended up in the very back row with a non-reclining seat next to an overweight gentleman with a hacking cough. Racing through my mind the entire flight was this passage: “Do not put yourself forward in the king's presence or stand in the place of the great, for it is better to be told, ‘Come up here,’ than to be put lower in the presence of a noble” (25:6-7a). Proud people get put in their place, so better to be moved up than to be moved back. 25

Pride goes before destruction and a proud heart will be punished. If you over- promise and under-deliver at work, you may get chewed out or even fired. If you are arrogant toward your parents, they surely have ways of dealing with your attitude. Herod Agrippa was eaten by worms “because he did not give God the glory” (Acts 12:23). King Nebuchadnezzar lost his kingdom. For seven years he “was driven away from mankind and began eating grass like cattle, and his body was drenched with the dew of heaven until his hair had grown like eagles' feathers and his nails like birds' claws” (Dan 4:31-

33). Only after did he declare: “Now I, Nebuchadnezzar, praise, exalt and honor the King of heaven, for all His works are true and His ways just, and He is able to humble those who walk in pride” (v. 37). Sadly, our foolish culture celebrates the pride which God despises. It’s not wrong to appreciate the way God made us, but we must not forget that it is God who made us. We must not “[exchange] the truth about God for a lie and [worship and serve] the creature rather than the Creator” (Rom 1:25). So reject pride not only because God hates it, but also because he will punish it. He might delay that punishment by his grace, but judgment will surely come. Imagine if you knew there were inconsistencies in your tax statements. If the IRS found out, you would be facing jail time. You would not plead ignorance or hope the problem disappears by itself. It is foolish to think you will never be audited. No, you comb through your records to reconcile the errors. You enlist the help of experts. You get your books in order before the day of reckoning. So also, if you know with certainty that God will punish pride—that he will not allow the arrogant into heaven, then you will root out every vestige of pride you possibly can. Do not view pride as a respectable sin.

God’s gracious salvation God hates pride and seeks to destroy it in us, yet he does so for our good. For God hates the proud, but loves the humble. As our Creator declares: “This is the one to whom I will look: he who is humble and contrite in spirit and trembles at my word” (Isa

66:2). God delights in humility. He turns his loving gaze upon those who are humble. “Therefore it says, ‘God opposes the proud, but gives grace to the humble’” (Jas 4:6; see Prov 3:34). Do you realize that humility pleases God? God loves humility in the example of his Son who went to the cross for undeserving sinners. “[Jesus] humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross” (Phil 2:8). God loves humility, for it is the only way of salvation. As Paul exults, “For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast” (Eph 2:8-9). We can never boast in our salvation because we have not been saved by any merit of our own. The only requirement for salvation is that we humbly come to Christ like poor, blind beggars in need of grace. Jesus illustrates this truth in his parable of the Pharisee and the tax collector.

Two men went up into the temple to pray, one a Pharisee and the other a tax collector. The Pharisee, standing by himself, prayed thus: “God, I thank you that I am not like other men, extortioners, unjust, adulterers, or even like this tax collector. I fast twice a week; I give tithes of all that I get.” But the tax collector, standing far off, would not even lift up his eyes to heaven, but beat his breast, saying, “God, be merciful to me, a sinner!” I tell you, this man went down to his house justified, rather than the other. For everyone who exalts himself will be humbled, but the one who humbles himself will be exalted (Luke 18:10-14).

God hates pride, but he loves humility. Therefore, recognize pride and reject it. Finally, learn to replace pride with humility.

Replace Pride with Humility

Pray for discernment

Here’s how to deal with pride in your life. First, ask the Lord to illuminate your prideful thoughts and behavior. Since we are blind to sin, we need God’s help to recognize pride: “Search me, O God, and know my heart! Try me and know my thoughts!” (Ps 139:23). Study the biblical description of pride and see if you manifest any

of its fruits.6 Ask Christian friends to point out any appearance of pride in your life. Be brutally specific, not generously general. For example, the other day God showed me that I would ask for plenty of things in prayer, but I did not always thank God when he answered. I was neglecting gratitude. I had to repent of that specific mark of pride.

Confess both fruit and root Secondly, confess both the fruit of pride and its root. Too often we pluck the weed of sin, but leave the root alive. It was insufficient for me to pray: “God, forgive me for my lack of gratitude.” I had to confess false worship as well: “God, my heart has been proud. I’ve given you lip service in my prayers, but have not entrusted to you my entire life. I’m not grateful enough because I’m not dependent enough. Forgive me, God, for my idol of self-sufficiency.” It is also prudent to confess the sin of pride to a family member or a friend (Jas 5:16a). They can help you stay accountable and provide encouragement. Grant them license to lovingly point out traces of pride in your life. Then ask God to keep you vigilant against pride creeping into your heart.

Look to Christ Every Christian has the choice of being humble or being humbled. So consider other practical ways to cultivate a heart of humility.7 Reflect on the wonders of the cross. In the words of Martin Lloyd-Jones, “There is only one thing I know of that crushes me to the ground and humiliates me to the dust, and that is to look at the Son of God, and especially contemplate the cross.”8 John Stott also writes,

Every time we look at the cross Christ seems to be saying to us, “I am here because of you. It is your sin I am bearing, your curse I am suffering, your debt I am paying,

6 Stuart Scott, From Pride to Humility: A Biblical Perspective (Bemidji, MN: Focus Publishing, 2002) is an excellent guide for this self-examination. 7 Many of these ideas are adapted from C. J. Mahaney, Humility: True Greatness (Colorado Springs: Multnomah Books, 2005). 8 Quoted in Mahaney, Humility, 66.

your death I am dying.” Nothing in history or in the universe cuts us down to size like the cross. All of us have inflated views of ourselves, especially in self- righteousness, until we have visited a place called Calvary. It is there, at the foot of the cross, that we shrink to our true size.9

When we gaze upon the cross of Christ, we recognize with humility the outrageous ugliness of our sin and the ransom paid to cover our guilt. When we gaze upon the cross of Christ, we recognize with humility the tremendous sacrifice Jesus made for undeserving sinners. You cannot be a proud person if you keep the cross continually before you. Don’t look around at others. Look only to Christ! In the words of John Owen,

“Fill your affections with the cross of Christ that there may be no room for sin.”10

Start your day dependent Secondly, begin each day acknowledging your need for God. I’ve been trying to do this all week as I write this section. Every day I’ve woken up tired, “Is it morning already?” Yet before even thinking about breakfast and getting the boys to school and the tasks on my to-do list, my first thought every day has been, “God, I need you.” That has prompted me to pray: “God, I need your strength and your wisdom. Teach me to be dependent. Help me to trust you with my time and my decisions. Apart from you, Lord, I can do no good thing. I am a sinner saved by grace and I need your sanctifying grace to work in and through me all this day.” Mahaney writes, “Sin doesn’t wake up tired, because it hasn’t been sleeping.”11 If you don’t wake up battling pride, you will lose the skirmish and eventually the war. Begin each day acknowledging your desperate need for God.

Count your blessings Then take a moment to express your gratefulness to God. Count your many

9 John Stott, The Message of Galatians (Downers Grove, IL: InterVarsity Press, 1986), 12. 10 John Owen, Overcoming Sin & Temptation: Three Classic Works by John Owen, ed. by Kelly M. Kapik and Justin Taylor (Wheaton: Crossway Books, 2006), 332.

11 Mahaney, Humility, 69.

blessings. Name them one by one. Thank God for the previous day. Thank him for the present day. Thankfulness is a soil in which pride does not easily grow. Yet the ungrateful person gives off the aura: “I Did It My Way.”12 The thankless are too often proud. So tomorrow morning when you wake up, express your need to God. Express your gratefulness to God.

Cherish time with God Cultivate humility by also practicing the spiritual disciplines. Before you get- up-and-go, sit-down-and-listen. Open your Bible and receive God’s Word. Respond back to him in prayer. This sliver of daily worship declares that you are in need of God. One way to measure pride and humility is to ask yourself: “Do you love God more than you did last year? Have you grown closer in your reliance on him? Think about all the things you think you “need” to start the day: coffee, shower, hot breakfast, an hour in front of the mirror. Is spending time with God essential to your day?” Study the attributes of God and the doctrines of grace. You’ll start to see how small we are when God is wholly other. For example, consider all the implications of God’s omniscience and that’s just one of his attributes. There is no more humbling practice than studying theology. Then in prayer, cast all your anxieties on him. Tell God what’s on your heart. Share with him your struggles. Peter connects humility and prayer with overcoming anxiety: “Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time he may exalt you, casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you” (1 Pet 5:6-7). Completely giving your concerns to God expresses your humble dependence on him. So at the beginning of each day, humble yourself before the Lord: “God, I’m afraid that this might happen. I’m concerned about certain people. I’m worried

12 Frank Sinatra, I Did It My Way (1969).

about that event. I’m anxious about not knowing what to say.” “[Cast] all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you.”

Seize spare moments Maybe you drive a lot, then seize your commute to memorize and meditate on Scripture. Make it your goal not to turn on the car radio until you memorize the verse of the day. Try to memorize whole chunks of Scripture one verse at a time. Your commute might be the quietest place you have to think and pray and meditate on Scripture. Or if you stay mostly around the home, use the quiet time when you are washing dishes or waiting for the next thing in your day. Seize every spare moment for the glory of God.

Review God’s grace Then near the end of the day, review God’s grace. At the dinner table or during an evening stroll, consider all that happened throughout the day. Did you see evidence of God’s grace in your life and in the lives of others? Thomas Watson states, “When we have done anything praiseworthy, we must hide ourselves under the veil of humility, and transfer the glory of all we have done to God.”13 In other words, give credit where credit is due. If you had a great day or something wonderful happened, don’t forget to thank the Lord. If your children or your spouse comes home with good news, take a moment and thank the Lord for his goodness. We demonstrate humility by recognizing that every good and perfect gift comes down from our Father in heaven (Jas 1:17).

Learn to rest

Finally, don’t just fall asleep at night, but humbly receive your sleep as a precious gift from God. Sleep itself is an object lesson that we are weak and frail. We spend a third of our lives in bed. We lie upon our mattress fully trusting it to hold us up

13 Thomas Watson, A Body of Divinity (1692).

and fully trusting God to protect us as we sleep. He makes us dwell in safety (Pss 3:5; 4:8). Our Lord is always watchful, for he never sleep nor slumbers (Ps 121:4). So don’t just fall asleep at night, but accept your sleep as a precious gift from God. What else can we do to cultivate humility in rest? Laugh often, especially at yourself. Take up golf as a healthy way to be humiliated. Spend time in healthy community.

Embrace the church Consider cultivating humility together with others. Serve in the church, especially in ministries without recognition. Humbly wash the feet of others (John 13:1- 16). Pursue correction and invite others to show you where and how you can grow. Ask yourself: “Do others find it easy to correct me? Do they know the areas of temptation in my life or the pronounced patterns of sin with which I struggle?” Go deeper in regular fellowship with other believers. Pride keeps us from getting real. Also, identify evidences of grace in others. Express it aloud or write a note of appreciation. Try this with your family or with your small group fellowship. Pick one person and have everyone in the room identify the evidences of God’s grace they see in that person’s life. If you’re stuck, start with the fruit of the Spirit (Gal 5:22-23) or the gifts of the Spirit (Rom 12:6-8; 1 Cor 12:8-10, 28; Eph 4:11; 1 Pet 4:11). Edify each other with your words, for God is certainly at work in the life of every believer (Phil 1:6). However slow—however frustrating, God is at work in every person he has called to himself.

Honor your parents

Children, consider with humility the true greatness of your parents. We honor so many famous people in music and entertainment, athletes and entrepreneurs. Yet do we honor our parents? Recognize the selfless sacrifices they make each day to provide food for the table, rides to school, a house to live in, clean clothes, a spiritually and emotionally healthy environment. Consider how much they pour into your life through 32

instruction and discipline, by listening to your struggles, and rejoicing in your celebrations. You don’t have perfect parents, but a humble child expresses gratitude for all your parents have done. I think about my own dad and the sacrifices he made. Growing up I was barely grateful, even dismissive of my father. But he gave up his dream of a doctorate in physics to teach high school math and science. It wasn’t always easy and it never paid well, but now he can hardly go anywhere in town without bumping into students who greet him warmly and share about their lives. I think about my mom and all the silly things she has said and done that made me think: “Ah mom, c’mon.” But then I think of all the women she has mentored throughout the years. She has impacted many women’s lives and their entire families because of her faithful ministry of discipleship. I especially treasure her investment in the growth of my own wife.

Return often to the cross Pride looks at peoples’ faults, while humility acknowledges the evidences of grace. These many ways to cultivate humility all start by reflecting on the wonders of the cross. When I survey the wondrous cross On which the Prince of Glory died, My richest gain I count but loss

And pour contempt on all my pride.14

Life Application Study:

A. Diagnostic questions for recognizing pride (Ps 139:23):

14 Isaac Watts, When I Survey the Wondrous Cross (1707)

1. Do you feel hurt or overlooked when others are promoted around you (John 3:30)?

2. Are you quick to blame others for their failures, but defensive when you yourself are criticized (Prov 9:7-9; 12:1; 13:1)? Do you tend to cover up sin (28:13)?

3. Do you talk too much about yourself (27:2)? Are you anxious, insecure, or perfectionistic (1 Pet 5:5-7)? Do you fear man more than God (Prov 29:25; John 12:43)? Do you seek man’s approval more than God’s?

4. Do you feel entitled or ungrateful, captive to self-pity—feeling like you’re not getting what you deserve?

5. Are you easily angered or offended by others (1 Cor 6:7)? Are you constantly in relational conflicts (Prov 13:10)?

B. Replace pride with humility through biblical application:

1. Confess your pride both in root and fruit (1 John 1:9).

2. Reflect on the wondrous cross. Study and apply God’s Word.

3. Begin your day acknowledging your need for God and expressing gratitude (1 Thess 5:18). Practice the spiritual disciplines (John 15).

4. End your day reviewing God’s grace and accepting his rest (Ps 3:5; 4:8).

5. Identify specific evidences of grace in others (Phil 1:3-8).

6. Invite and pursue accountability (Prov 15:32; Jas 5:16a).

7. Respond humbly to trials (Jas 1:2-12).

Memory Verse

Proverbs 16:18 Pride goes before destruction, and a haughty spirit before a fall.

Resources for further study: Mahaney, C. J. Humility: True Greatness. Colorado Springs: Multnomah Books, 2005. Scott, Stuart. From Pride to Humility: A Biblical Perspective. Bemidji, MN: Focus Publishing, 2002.

GRIEF AND LOSS: A CRUSHED SPIRIT WHO CAN BEAR?

I. Candor: Be Honest with Yourself (Prov 3:3-4; 12:19; 25:20; 1 Thess 4:13)

II. Complaint: Be Honest with God (Prov 29:11, 26; Ps 56:8)

III. Crying Out: Plead for God’s Help (Prov 16:20; Ps 34:17-18; 72:12)

IV. Comfort: Receive God’s Strength (Prov 13:12; 14:13; 15:13; 17:22; 18:14)

V. Confidence: Trust God to Heal (Prov 23:17-18; see 24:14; 2 Cor 1:3-4)

“I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world” (John 16:33). These are the words of Jesus when he told his disciples what we all learn by experience: “In this world you will have trouble.” For we have all experienced various forms of loss (some more recently than others): loss of a spouse by death or divorce; loss of a child by miscarriage, infertility, or rebellion; loss of a job or a promotion or a dream in life on which we set our sights; loss of a pet or a pastime; even loss of faith in God. We lose friends through conflict; health because of sickness or injury; youth and beauty because of age. We lose money and financial stability, houses and possessions. We have all experienced various forms of loss. If we have not been hurt deeply, then we simply haven’t lived for long enough. As Henri Nouwen writes:

The losses that settle themselves deeply in our hearts and minds are the loss of intimacy through separations, the loss of safety through violence, the loss of innocence through abuse, the loss of friends through betrayal, the loss of love through abandonment, the loss of home through war, the loss of well-being through hunger, heat and cold, the loss of children through illness or accidents, the loss of country through political upheaval, and the loss of life through earthquakes, floods, plane crashes, bombings and diseases. Perhaps many of these dark losses are far away from most of us; maybe they belong to the world of newspapers and television

screens, but nobody can escape the agonizing losses that are part of our everyday existence—the loss of our dreams.1

Think about a recent loss that you have suffered. Place it in your hands today as God encourages you from his Word. There was an interesting story about Dr. Henry Heimlich performing his own maneuver for the very first time—the Heimlich Maneuver.2 He was 96-years old, living in a retirement home, when he saved a woman’s life. One employee commented, “A staff member usually steps in, but, well, it is Dr. Heimlich.” The woman wrote in her thank you card: “God put me in [that] seat next to you.” (And I guess if you are choking at the breakfast table, who else would you want at your side?). Now God did prepare Dr. Heimlich to save that woman’s life, because the Heimlich maneuver is not a skill you learn while your friend is choking. You don’t wait to pick up CPR once your child has stopped breathing. You don’t peruse the earthquake preparedness guide while your house is shaking beneath your feet. You don’t build a bomb shelter during the tornado. So also, you should not shape your theology of suffering in the midst of a trial. You must learn these truths before the trials come. We are studying topical issues in the book of Proverbs to show how theology applies to all of life. Theology is the study of how God reveals himself in Scripture and we all have a theology of suffering. But is it biblical? Think about the theology you might hear at a funeral: “He lived a good life. He was a good man. At least she’s in a better place. Now she’s one of the angels. Don’t worry, son, I’m sure your mother’s watching over you. I’ll be praying. Just trust God. He’ll get you through this.” These statements all express a certain theology of suffering, but are they biblical? Unless our theology is based on Scripture, it is based on something else.

1 Henri J. M. Nouwen, With Burning Hearts: A Meditation on the Eucharistic Life (Maryknoll, NY: Orbis Books, 1994). 2 http://www.npr.org/sections/thetwo-way/2016/05/27/479760854/dr-heimlich-uses-his- maneuver-for-the-first-time-saves-87-year-old-woman.

Scripture calls death the final enemy we all will face (1 Cor 15:26), yet every loss is a kind of death—the death of hopes and dreams. So it may be helpful to think about suffering in two different ways. There is suffering which happens to us and around us—the circumstances we face, then there is suffering which happens in us—the way we face what we are facing. A fallen world may fall upon us (type 1), yet we compound that suffering by responding poorly to the trial (type 2). For example, Job did not suffer because of sin, but he did sin because of suffering. Suffering is succinctly defined as getting what you do not want while wanting what you do not get. Realize also that our world has a scripted theology of suffering. When terrorists destroyed the World Trade Towers on September 11, 2001, the news reports were punctuated by therapists describing the gamut of emotions which people might face. From sitcoms to psychotherapy, the five stages of grief have become popular culture: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance.3 These observations resonate with sufferers as true to experience because most of us respond to suffering in this way. We might not hit every stage and we might bounce around a bit out of order, sometimes cycling through the stages multiple times. But observationally, human beings typically respond to suffering in this way. These observations hold true for Christians as well. So why then does Paul assert, “[We do] not grieve like the world does without hope” (1 Thess 4:13b). Paul is writing to the church in Thessalonica as they grieve the loss of loved ones: “But we do not want you to be uninformed, brothers, about those who are asleep—[those who have died], that you may not grieve as others do who have no hope” (v. 13a). Paul begins by addressing their sorrow. He does not chide them for grieving over death. He affirms it is normal to hurt and necessary to weep. “Tears are permitted, but they must glisten in the

3 These concepts were initially popularized by Elizabeth Kübler-Ross and David Kessler.

light of faith and hope.”4 Paul is writing to “brothers”—to fellow Christians with whom he already has an established relationship. He writes to inform their grief and stoke their theology of suffering as he gives them reason to hope:

For since we believe that Jesus died and rose again, even so, through Jesus, God will bring with him those who have fallen asleep. For this we declare to you by a word from the Lord, that we who are alive, who are left until the coming of the Lord, will not precede those who have fallen asleep. For the Lord himself will descend from heaven with a cry of command, with the voice of an archangel, and with the sound of the trumpet of God. And the dead in Christ will rise first. Then we who are alive, who are left, will be caught up together with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air, and so we will always be with the Lord” (vv. 14-17).

Paul comforts the believers: “Yes, your loved ones are dead, but did not our Lord spend three days in the tomb? Yes, they are departed, but so also did Christ for a time. So if God could raise his Son from the dead, then certainly he can raise our loved ones to life again.” Believers claim hope because our Lord is coming back. When he returns again, he will raise to life our loved ones and us as well. Then we will dwell with Jesus in eternal glory. “Therefore encourage one another with these words” (v. 18). We must counsel fellow believers grieving over loss with both empathy and theology. As C. S. Lewis so aptly put it, “When pain is to be borne, a little courage helps more than much knowledge, and a little human sympathy more than much courage, and the least tincture of the love of God more than all.”5 So how are we to grieve differently from the world?

Let us infuse each of the five stages of grief with the hope of the gospel.6

4 C. H. Spurgeon, Beside Still Waters: Words of Comfort for the Soul, ed. Roy H. Clarke (Nashville: Thomas Nelson, 1999), 235.

5 C. S. Lewis, The Problem of Pain (UK: The Centenary Press, 1940), 3. 6 This outline follows the book by Robert W. Kellemen, God’s Healing for Life’s Losses: How to Find Hope When You’re Hurting (Winona Lake, IN: BMH Books, 2010).

Natural Stages of Grief Gospel-Infused Grief

Denial Candor: Be honest with yourself

Anger Complaint: Be honest with God

Bargaining Cry Out: Plea for God’s help

Depression Comfort: Receive God’s strength

Acceptance Confidence: Trust God to heal

Candor: Be Honest with Yourself When the twin towers fell at the World Trade Center we could hear people saying on the video recording, “I don’t believe it. This can’t be real.” Others who simply overheard it initially expressed incredulity: “You’re kidding me. You must be joking. No way. Not us.” That’s denial—the first stage of grief. One summer, as I taught at a Bible conference in China, I met a ministry leader whose husband had committed suicide just three months earlier. She shared that she had not yet told any of her friends or even her two young children that their father was dead. She kept insisting that his death was an accident or possibly foul play and was insisting on answers from his company. Why would he commit suicide? She was still working full-time at the church and hadn’t even taken time off to grieve. She wasn’t even talking to God about her grief. She wasn’t praying for her own healing. That’s denial.

Counsel for you Denial is a survival tactic. Our bodies go numb with shock because our brains need time to process with reality. None of us can fully prepare for death, especially when it takes us by surprise. For example, David was at war with his rebellious son, Absalom, yet still it shook him to the core when Absalom was slain (2 Sam 18:33). When our world appears to collapse around us, our instinct toward denial can be a grace of God. Eventually, however, denial wears off. Eventually, we must face the reality of

suffering and move from denial to candor. Long-term denial harms the soul, because godly faith must face all of life. We see a trace of this in Proverbs 12:19, “Truthful lips endure forever, but a lying tongue is but for a moment.” In other words, we must tell ourselves the truth. We must be honest, for it does no good to live a lie. If we have been severely wounded, we need a physician and medical assistance because our wounds will not heal themselves. Yet some insist on limping through life with open wounds of grief, refusing to receive the help that’s offered. Imagine if the Good Samaritan came across the man lying in the road, waylaid by bandits and he said to him, “Can I help you?” (see Luke 10). And the man replied, “No, I’m just fine. I’m simply resting. I’ll get up on my own.” We’d think the man a fool. Yet that’s exactly what we do when denying grief. We must speak honestly about external suffering: “God, those words really hurt me. I was devastated to lose my job. I can’t stop weeping over the loss of my spouse.” We must speak honestly about internal suffering: “God, I feel angry all the time. I’m pushing people away. I’ve been too proud to ask for help.” We need the candor of the psalmist:

My tears have been my food day and night, while [my enemies] say to me all the day long, “Where is your God?” These things I remember, as I pour out my soul: how I would go with the throng and lead them in procession to the house of God with glad shouts and songs of praise, a multitude keeping festival. Why are you cast down, O my soul, and why are you in turmoil within me? (Ps 42:3-5a).

The psalmist cries out to God: “I can’t stop the tears. I can’t push back the stubborn darkness of depression. My enemies are taunting me to doubt your presence. I long for the days of old when I could worship God freely. Why are you cast down, O my soul, and why are you in turmoil within me?” The psalmist is brutally honest with himself. Yet this candor is necessary in order for the process of healing to begin. True faith faces all of life.

Counsel for others Perhaps you’re walking with a friend who is grieving a loss. There is a time to

simply listen: “A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity” (Prov 17:17). Yet in the wisdom of God, there is “a time to keep silence, and a time to speak” (Eccl 3:7b)—a time to help your friend face the reality of suffering. Sometimes we may need to lovingly prod a friend who has denied their grief for far too long: “Faithful are the wounds of a friend” (Prov 27:6a). Encourage your friend: “It is normal to hurt and necessary to grieve.” Help them face their suffering with honesty. Don’t be the friend in 25:20, “Whoever sings songs to a heavy heart is like one who takes off a garment on a cold day, and like vinegar on soda.” Your grieving friend doesn’t need a Pollyannish “Everything will be fine.” They need a shoulder to cry on, a listening ear, a hand to hold. Imagine walking home from school, uphill in a blizzard, when the neighborhood bully shoves you down and takes your winter coat. Or picture two chemicals mixing together, frothing and bubbly with angry effervescence. That’s the painful turmoil produced by singing songs to a heavy heart. There is “a time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance” (Eccl 3:4). Love helps your friend to grieve honestly and deeply.

Complaint: Be Honest with God In grief, we must be honest with ourselves, yet we must also be honest with God. After 9/11, people were angry with government, angry with terrorists, angry with our nation for growing complacent. Anger is the teenage boy coming home from his mother’s funeral and punching holes in the wall. Anger is the disgruntled employee who takes out his wrath on the workplace that fired him. Anger is another typical response to grief. The young woman in China was angry with herself for not being a better wife. She was angry at her husband for laboring such long hours, angry at his employers for working him to death, and the authorities who didn’t seem to care. She was angry at her family and her church for not providing the emotional support she truly needed. She was angry at God. How could God do this to her when she had devoted her life to full-time

ministry? Multiple times she kept on asking, “Why?”

Counsel for you Anger and resentment declare: “Why me? Why now? This isn’t fair! It’s not my fault!” We feel agitated and irritated, always on edge. We smolder and fester, then explode in anger even at those who had nothing to do with our loss. For anger makes us feel like we are in control—like we can do something about the problem. The world even tells us that ventilating anger is a way to get rid of the poison in our lives: “Just let it out.

You’ll feel better after.” Yet consider Proverbs 29:11, “A fool gives full vent to his spirit, but a wise man quietly holds it back.” Righteous anger is self-controlled. Righteous anger is con-structive, not de-structive. Righteous anger sees God as the solution, not as the problem. For there is a vast difference between complaining about God and complaining to God. We must not complain about God like the finicky Israelites in the wilderness, but we can often complain to God about the fallen world that has fallen upon us. Bob Kellemen writes, “Complaint is vulnerable frankness about life to God in which I express my pain and confusion over how a good God allows evil and suffering.”7 It’s right to be angry at death, for death is the enemy (1 Cor 15:25-26). Death is unnatural—the product of sin (Gen 3; Rom 5:12-17). Death is not merely a physical event, but a whole realm in opposition to life. For when God created this world, it contained no death, no disease, no brokenness, no grief, no sin. Now you might be surprised that God would welcome your complaints, yet he wants to hear your sadness and laments over your losses. Sometimes prayer is messy, even impolite, like a child bursting through the door with a skinned-up knee. The loving father does not turn away his hurting child: “Go back through that door and try it again.” No, he holds the child close. He comforts his child with a loving embrace. Listen to a sampling of complaints recorded in Scripture: “O

7 Kellemen, God’s Healing, 33.

LORD, you have deceived me, and I was deceived; you are stronger than I, and you have prevailed. I have become a laughingstock all the day; everyone mocks me” (Jer 20:7). “Why do you forget us forever, why do you forsake us for so many days?” (Lam 5:20). “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?” (Mark 15:34b). “Why is light given to a man whose way is hidden, whom God has hedged in? For my sighing comes instead of my bread, and my groanings are poured out like water. For the thing that I fear comes upon me, and what I dread befalls me. I am not at ease, nor am I quiet; I have no rest, but trouble comes” (Job 3:23-26). These are the children of God running into the arms of their loving heavenly Father. So also, our prayers may be messy, but they are never the finished product. They are incomplete, for the fractured theology of lament may sound unbiblical or even blasphemous. That’s why we pray. We pour out our complaints to God, so that he might transform our prayers. He changes our hearts’ desires to be like his. Paul reminds us that groaning is a part of life in a fallen world. Groaning is a right response to suffering: “For we know that the whole creation has been groaning together in the pains of childbirth until now” (Rom 8:22). Picture a pregnant woman in labor. That’s the history of the world east of Eden. Yet Paul reminds us to groan with patient hope, because “we know that for those who love God all things work together for good” (v. 28a). According to Proverbs 29:26, “Many seek the face of a ruler, but it is from the

LORD that a man gets justice.” It’s okay to start your prayer, “God, I’m angry…” Complete the sentence: “God, I’m angry about the coworker who stabbed me in the back. I’m angry about my spouse who left me with the kids. I’m angry at my administrator for embezzling funds.” Complaint expresses our confident trust that God is good in a world gone bad. “Trust in him at all times, O people; pour out your heart before him; God is a refuge for us” (Ps 62:8). For we experience the depth of God’s love most plainly in the hours of our grief. He will neither turn a deaf ear to our questions, nor be repulsed by our bursts of anger. He will not ignore our pain, for he understands the darkest moments of 44

human existence. And still he loves us. Still he wraps his arms around us. That’s how we know God’s steadfast love and faithfulness. So examine your life today. Are you angry about something you’ve lost? Then go to the Lord in prayer. Be honest with God. Pour out your messy heart to him and seek his refuge: “Blessed is he who trusts in the LORD” (Prov 16:20b). Go back to Psalm 42 and listen to how the lament begins: “As a deer pants for flowing streams, so pants my soul for you, O God. My soul thirsts for God, for the living God. When shall I come and appear before God?” (vv. 1-2). Over and over the psalmist laments: “Why are you cast down, O my soul, and why are you in turmoil within me?” (vv. 5a; 11a; see 43:5a). Yet each time he concludes: “Hope in God; for I shall again praise him, my salvation and my God” (42:5b-6a; 11b; see 43:5b). Come to the Lord and let him transform your prayers.

Counsel for others Then how do you counsel a friend angry with grief? Do not be like Job’s wife: “Curse God and die” (Job 2:9b). Do not be put off by anger, but compassionately hold your friend’s wounded heart. Remind him of the God who cares as in Psalm 56:8, “You have kept count of my tossings; put my tears in your bottle. Are they not in your book?” God collects every tear which falls from our face in grief. He knows every sleepless night, every tumultuous tossing. God journals our struggles with life in his omniscient mind. We can be honest with him because he already knows. So direct your friend to trust in God and honestly express his complaint to God. Anger is not merely another stage to complete in the grieving process. Instead, anger directs us to the God who cares (e.g., Ps 73:1). For we need our hearts transformed—our bitterness removed. We need forgiveness for our sinful anger (vv. 2- 15). We don’t have the right to rage just because we were sinned against or life didn’t go our way (v. 16). The trial might explain our anger, but it does not excuse it. For anger always has a moral dimension which only God can heal (vv. 23-28; see 46:1). I

encouraged the young widow in China to pray. She did not know how to do this, so we walked through Psalm 73 and I encouraged her to pray this lament in her own words. She could use the pattern in the psalms to express her complaint before God. A few days later, she came back to me with such relief on her face: “I’ve started praying. I’m finally talking to God about my pain. He is taking away my anger and allowing me to grieve.”

Crying Out: Plead for God’s Help We must be honest with ourselves and honest with God. Thirdly, we must cry out for his help. It is not enough to simply express our anger, for prayer is more than screaming into a pillowy cloud. Prayer speaks not just to the God who cares, but to the God who also rescues. Those who were simply angry about 9/11 did not receive healing. Many of them actually turned away from God, disillusioned by his seeming absence. Only those who turned to God found lasting help. The widow in China kept listing all the ministry she was doing for God: “Why doesn’t God bless me? Shouldn’t he reward my good works? How could God let this happen to me?” The first two stages of grief, denial and anger, are visceral responses. Then comes bargaining as we start to think more about the situation. We try to solve the problem on our own or even try to change the past: “God, I’ll stop drinking if you heal my child. I’ll go back to church if my girlfriend isn’t pregnant.” The bargainer has an unspoken theology that good things happen to good people: “So I just need to be a better person in order for God to bless me. God helps those who help themselves.” Such theology may work out fine when life is good—when the blessings are fluid. The bargainer thinks, “Well that just proves I’m a good person.” Yet a works-based theology falls apart in the midst of trials. For if we think that good works provide a protective shield from trials, then how do we explain suffering? How do we spin hardship? Do we finally admit that we are not good people?

Counsel for you 46

Bargaining is simply salvation by works as the godless person grasps at straws to manufacture hope. They think to themselves, “I can find my way out of this.” They don’t realize that the way out is the way through (1 Cor 10:13). The way of salvation is “by grace through faith, and not of ourselves” (Eph 2:8-9). Suffering, however, reveals our need for God. It empties us so that God can fill us up. As Paul writes, “For we do not want you to be ignorant, brothers, of the affliction we experienced in Asia. For we were so utterly burdened beyond our strength that we despaired of life itself” (2 Cor 1:8). Have you ever been so afflicted that you wish that you were dead? Paul is teaching the Corinthians a theology of suffering: “Indeed, we felt that we had received the sentence of death. But that was to make us rely not on ourselves but on God who raises the dead” (v. 9). All suffering has a purpose, for suffering reveals our need for God. In suffering, God is not getting back at us, but getting us back to himself. “God designs all the afflictions of the godly for the increase of their everlasting joy.”8 The Deceiver will twist God’s purpose. He will make us think that God is spiteful instead of good—that life is hopeless instead of bright. Trials make us feel ashamed like there is something wrong with us. But the only thing wrong is our pride— our refusal to turn to God. So put away your pride, for “pride goes before destruction, and a haughty spirit before a fall” (16:18). Instead, “trust in the LORD with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths” (3:5-6). For “whoever gives thought to the word will discover good, and blessed is he who trusts in the LORD” (16:20). We do not trust in our word, but rather in God’s Word.

For God will hear our cry for help. Calling on the Lord declares him alive and loving and responsive. Unlike the false gods and their empty idols (e.g., 1 Sam 12:20-24),

8 John Piper and Justin Taylor, eds., A God-Entranced Vision of All Things: The Legacy of Jonathan Edwards (Wheaton: Crossway, 2004), 31.

God is able and willing to hear our prayers. He is eager to be our Savior. According to the psalmist, “When the righteous cry for help, the LORD hears and delivers them out of all their troubles. The LORD is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit” (Ps 34:17-18; see 72:12). One reason we often get stuck in grief is because we try to play God. We blame God for our situation. We begin to doubt. We stop trusting him. Instead, we must cry out for help: “God, I don’t know why this is happening. I can’t explain my suffering. But I know that you are good and I know that you are sovereign, so I am going to trust you to the end.” Healing from grief is not a process, but a person. It is turning to Jesus in the midst of our pain.

Counsel for others So how do we counsel the person bargaining with God? Do not be like Job’s accusatory friends: “You have a secret sin you haven’t confessed. That’s why you’re being punished. You must improve your morality to receive God’s blessing.” The family of that woman in China actually said to her, “You are to blame. God persecutes those who serve in ministry to make them stronger. So it’s your fault your husband died.” These are the hurtful words of professing Christians, yet it is terrible theology for sufferers. Instead, you must help your friend trust in the Lord with all her heart. Help her to realize that she cannot barter with God. For one thing, we have nothing which God needs, and secondly, his plan for us is always good. I often ask a person, “Could God have prevented this loss?” The Christian reflecting on God’s sovereignty will, of course, say, “Yes” (Lam

3:37–38). So I ask: “Did he prevent it?” Obviously, the answer is, “No.” “Then what do you think a good God is doing in the midst of your trial?” (Gen 50:20; Rom 8:28). As believers, we help our fellow sufferers to focus not on the pain they

are feeling, but on God’s purpose in the midst of the pain: “What do you think God is doing in the midst of your trial?”

Comfort: Receive God’s Strength In a fallen world, we need God’s comfort for two kinds of suffering: The external suffering such as the death of a loved one and the internal suffering should we respond sinfully to the loss. Sometimes we get angry or bitter or refuse to face reality. We might bargain a deal to get things back the way they were. The fourth stage of grief is to fall into depression or alienation. When C. S. Lewis’s wife died of cancer he described it as “the laziness of grief”:

Not only writing but even reading a letter is too much. Even shaving. What does it matter now whether my cheek is rough or smooth? They say an unhappy man wants distractions — something to take him out of himself. Only as a dog-tired man wants an extra blanket on a cold night; he’d rather lie there shivering than get up and find one. It’s easy to see why the lonely become untidy; finally, dirty and disgusting.9

In sorrow, we don’t want to do a thing. It takes tremendous effort just to get out of bed and to make ourselves presentable. We don’t want to be with people. We don’t want to go to church. We have trouble sleeping or a lack of appetite. We lose interest in what used to bring us joy. We can’t remember the last time we laughed.

Counsel for you Listen to Proverbs describe depression: “Hope deferred makes the heart sick”

(Prov 13:12a). What are some of your hopes and dreams? What if circumstances or people dangled that hope just beyond your reach? Solomon tells us that the heart grows sick with hope deferred. We would rather deaden our desires than have our expectations dashed. Or consider 14:13, “Even in laughter the heart may ache, and the end of joy may be grief.” In the midst of loss, emotions sway like a pendulum. That’s why many funerals may echo both with laughter and with tears. In depression, you feel unable to control

9 C. S. Lewis, A Grief Observed (New York: HarperCollins, 1996), 5.

your mood as many proverbs describe this crushing of the spirit: “A glad heart makes a cheerful face, but by sorrow of heart the spirit is crushed” (15:13). “A joyful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones” (17:22). And 18:14, “A man's spirit will endure sickness, but a crushed spirit who can bear?” If your heart is good you can overcome any adversity, but what happens when your heart itself is crushed? Spiritual depression can be worse than physical pain. So in depression, we accept the reality of suffering, but then we ask: “What’s the point in living?” Our response to that question can either be healthy or unhealthy. We can either sink into hopelessness or turn to the only One who will give us hope. It is normal to hurt and necessary to grieve, for even Jesus wept at the tomb of Lazarus (John 11:35). And we as Christians should sorrow over death more than any others, for we know how sin ushered death into the world. We know the paradise that could have been and we mourn that death continues to destroy. Our tears are not only tears of grief, but also tears of longing for a better place where life never ends in death.

Yet beware of self-pity. Beware of making grief all about you—thinking that no one’s loss is greater than yours. Focus on self and you will lose all hope. Listen to Charles Spurgeon, one of the greatest preachers to ever live, who suffered terrible bouts with depression.

It is easy to sing when we can read the notes by daylight; but he is the skillful singer who can sing when there is not a ray of light by which to read,—who sings from his heart, and not from a book that he can see, because he has no means of reading, save from that inward book of his own living spirit, whence notes of gratitude pour forth in songs of praise.10

In the throes of depression, we must receive God’s comfort and strength. As Paul testified,

But [the Lord] said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am

10 Charles Spurgeon, sermon at the Metropolitan Tabernacle, 44:98-99.

content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong (2 Cor 12:9-10).

Comfort is knowing the presence of God in the presence of suffering—his strength in your weakness. So admit that you are weak. Imagine losing an arm and having to adjust to life with all the changes you would have to make. Losing a spouse to death or divorce is more difficult than losing an arm. It takes time to adjust, and life thereafter will never be the same. Friends may try to help with temporary placations: “C’mon man, get back in the saddle. You’ve got the rest of your life ahead of you. At least you have your health. Do it for the children. You can’t just lie around. You’ve gotta work eventually.” The world offers the fleeting hope of changed circumstances: “Life will get better,” or changed feelings: “You’ll get over this.” They provide superficial reasons to overcome despair, yet none of that matters if not for Christ. People hopeless without Christ are those most honest about their plight. For only Christ can comfort deeply as he reminds you in his Word: “You have abundant life in Christ (John 10:10)—one life to live for him (2 Cor 5:14-15). He has granted you health to serve him fully. He is the shepherd who carries you gently (Ps 28:9; Isa 40:11). Yes, your children are a motivation to keep on living, but your greatest motivation is to bring them to Christ, to shepherd their hearts, and to teach them to be followers of Jesus. Even your work has meaning: “Whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him”

(Col 3:17).” You possess the gospel of Jesus in your frail human soul:

But we have this treasure in jars of clay, to show that the surpassing power belongs to God and not to us. We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not driven to despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed; always carrying in the body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be manifested in our bodies (2 Cor 4:7-10).

God ministers hope to the grieving through his Spirit (Rom 5:3-5; 15:13) and by his Word (15:4), but he brings comfort through others as well. So when you are grieving, don’t quit church. Don’t isolate yourself. Remain among the people of God, for

God will use his church to minister to sufferers. Share your feelings and your fears with trusted people. Don’t be afraid to cry. Talk freely about your loss. For God’s Spirit dwells within his people as they manifest his loving presence. Fellow believers will pray with you and for you, seeking God’s comfort in the midst of grief. And if you are too numb or too despondent to read the Bible for yourself, then ask a friend to read it to you. God’s people remind us of God’s promises spoken in love.

Counsel for others

So how can you minister to the lonely and depressed? Be physically present, especially as they struggle (Gal 6:2). Take time to listen. Let them share stories about their loved one. Bring out the pictures and videos: “The memory of the righteous is a blessing” (Prov 10:7a). Look for ways to encourage. It might be as simple as a card, a smile, a phone call, or embrace. You might cook a meal or help with housework. Let them serve you or spend time with your family. Help them stay active. My parents host a hiking ministry which enfolds a number of widows and widowers. It gives them a chance to exercise and socialize and receive comfort from the people of God. The church must do a better job of ministering to the weak.

Confidence: Trust God to Heal Grief’s final stage, according to the world, is acceptance—coming to grips with the new normal—facing the loss. We call it closure—accepting the finality of change and refusing to live in the past. It’s a time to regroup—a time to reflect: “Life goes on. I’ll be okay. What’s next?” You may have personally experienced the loss of a spouse. Yet what if you or your spouse did not have Christ? What if you did not have the hope of the gospel? According to Proverbs 11:7a, “When the wicked dies, his hope will perish.” For the unbeliever, acceptance becomes nothing more than a sophisticated, self- sufficient denial of reality. It is deceiving oneself that life without Christ can improve— that one can heal without the hope of the gospel. Sufferers are taught to live for 52

themselves or for something else besides their spouse, yet this is simply the transfer of idolatry: “Find another idol when the previous one is lost.” All counseling directs people toward the act of worship, but only biblical counsel directs people to worship Jesus. The ultimate purpose of grieving is to bring you to Jesus, not to transfer your idolatry to something else. For life with Christ is an endless hope, but without him a hopeless end. Our world copes with grief like Esau “who sold his birthright for a single meal” (Heb 12:16b), but then wept bitterly when he realized his loss (v. 17). We find his story in

Genesis 25. Esau stumbled in from the field, exhausted. His brother, Jacob, was cooking a pot of lentils and Esau was so famished that he sold his birthright to Jacob for a bowl of stew.

Counsel for you So what’s your bowl of stew? What motivates you to keep on living? Where will you turn when grieving a loss? Proverbs describes the lure of wine and women, wealth and wicked men. Some cope with loss through alcohol or illicit drugs. Maybe it’s gluttony or binging on snack food. Others horde possessions: “When the going gets tough, the tough go shopping.” (There’s nothing wrong with shopping, of course, unless it becomes an idolatrous way to deal with suffering.) Some chase the rush of adrenaline: skydiving, mountain biking, lifting weights at the gym. Some seek distractions on their phone, TV, the internet. For the Samaritan woman, it was relationships with men (e.g.,

John 4). She had five ex-husbands and the current guy was not her husband. Every time a man left her, she found another one to fill the void. So what’s your bowl of stew? Where do you turn for instant gratification? Maybe all you want is a comfortable life. Maybe it’s the kids. Maybe you throw yourself into work. Wherever you turn in the face of suffering is the god you think will save you. By contrast, Paul declares, “Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our

affliction” (2 Cor 1:3-4a). Do you trust the Lord even when life hurts? Do you know the God of all comfort who has designed your suffering to lead you into worship? Ask yourself: “How have my trials afflicted my relationship with God?” “Worship is wanting God more than relief and finding God even when you don’t find the answers. Worship is walking with God in the dark and having Him give light to your soul.”11 So we do not grieve as those who have no hope because our hope is in the Lord. We do not demand heaven on earth. We fight against instant gratification. We confidently trust in God’s provision for the future. Listen to some biblical examples of worship: “Whom have I in heaven but you? And there is nothing on earth that I desire besides you” (Ps 73:25). “In this you rejoice, though now for a little while, if necessary, you have been grieved by various trials, . . . Though you have not seen him, you love him. Though you do not now see him, you believe in him and rejoice with joy that is inexpressible and filled with glory” (1 Pet 1:6, 8). “Indeed, I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing

Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake I have suffered the loss of all things and count them as rubbish, in order that I may gain Christ. . . . that I may know him and the power of his resurrection, and may share his sufferings, becoming like him in his death” (Phil 3:8, 10). Confident trust means longing fervently for heaven, while living passionately for God on earth. For only those who are heavenly-minded are of any earthly good. In your grief, look for blessings as Paul reminds the church to “give thanks in all circumstances” (1 Thess 5:18a). Don’t wait until the suffering is over. Rejoice in the midst of trials (Jas 1:2). For without the Lord, you will despair and doubt. Perceive the evidences of God’s grace. Entrust yourself to God’s greater purpose—his eternal perspective. Like the bishop in Les Misérables, we must “see in this some higher plan.”12

11 Kellemen, God’s Healing, 99. 12 Victor Hugo, Les Misérables (1862).

For God’s redemptive story does not ignore your pain, but rather gives it meaning. He brings beauty out of ashes (Isa 61:3). As Joseph cheered his brothers, “As for you, you meant evil against me, but God meant it for good, to bring it about that many people should be kept alive, as they are today” (Gen 50:20). In Proverbs 16:4, “The LORD has made everything for its purpose, even the wicked for the day of trouble.” God can use the sin of others—the external suffering we experience to bring about his good purposes. We see this truth most clearly at the cross in the wicked persecution of our innocent Savior. The cross forever settles the question that the sovereign God is good toward us. He sent his Son, as Isaiah foretold, to “swallow up death forever” (25:8; Rev 20:14)—and “destroy the one who has the power of death” (Heb 2:14-15). Christ died so that we should not and rose again to claim the victory. For there will come a day without the shock of death announcements and obituaries, grieving friends and family. There will come a promised day when widows and orphans and mourning shall be no more. Our fallen world reminds us that death still lives, but we know how the story ends. Every funeral declares the consummation not yet come—our living hope in the future resurrection (1 Pet 1:3). “Tears are the inheritance of earth’s children. . . . Tears may, and must come; but if they gather in eyes that are constantly looking up to [God] and heaven, they will glisten with the brightness of the coming glory.”13 The cross reminds us that the One who weeps with us is not content for life to remain as is. His death was a cry and his resurrection a promise. So look to Jesus, “[the] man of sorrows acquainted with grief” (Isa 53:3) who will wipe away our every tear (Rev 7:17; 21:4). As Spurgeon exhorts, “Mark then, Christian, Jesus does not suffer so as to exclude your suffering. He bears a cross, not that you may escape it, but that you may endure it. Christ exempts you from sin, but not from sorrow. Remember that, and expect to suffer.”14 Two truths to

13 Susannah Spurgeon, A Carillon of Bells to Ring Out the Old Bells of Free Grace and Dying Love (London: Passmore and Alabaster, 1896), 37.

14 C. H. Spurgeon, Morning and Morning (New York: Sheldon and Company, 1865), 96.

remember: In this world you will trouble, but take heart Jesus has overcome the world (John 16:33). A crushed spirit who can bear? Only Christ!

Counsel for others Then if you have been comforted by Christ, rise up and comfort others. As Isaiah writes,

If you pour yourself out for the hungry and satisfy the desire of the afflicted, then shall your light rise in the darkness and your gloom be as the noonday. And the LORD will guide you continually and satisfy your desire in scorched places and make your bones strong; and you shall be like a watered garden, like a spring of water, whose waters do not fail. And your ancient ruins shall be rebuilt; you shall raise up the foundations of many generations; you shall be called the repairer of the breach, the restorer of streets to dwell in (Isa 58:10-12).

God does not require that you get your life together, before you start ministering to others. The condition of all these blessings: light in the darkness, guidance in the wilderness, satisfaction in the desert, strength and refreshment, is merely that “you pour yourself out” for those in need. That young woman in China began to see the need to minister to her children and to her in-laws. She realized that she was harming her church by continuing to serve without grieving her loss. I trust that as she heals, God will use her to counsel many other widows through times of suffering. For we serve a God “who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God” (2 Cor

1:4). God comforts us so that we may comfort others. Who among you is struggling with problems so large that they cannot see God? Who is discouraged and hopeless and tempted to quit? God has called you to offer help and hope to those who are grieving.

Life Application Study:

1. How honest are you about the suffering that happens to you and the suffering that takes place in you? Identify a recent experience of grief and loss. Read Psalm 13 and/or Psalm 88 and candidly write your own psalm to the Lord.

2. Describe a time you were angry at God? What is the difference between a complaint about God and a complaint to God? How would you respond if someone told you, “Curse God and die!”

3. How have you based your relationship with God on works instead of grace? Describe one specific way to depend more on God?

4. How does communion with Christ bring hope in the midst of pain? What other Christians have come alongside to bear your burdens?

5. How is your recent suffering a part of God’s bigger story? What truths assure you that God’s heart for you is good? How have your trials influenced your relationship with God?

Memory Verse

Proverbs 17:22 A joyful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones.

Resources for further study: Bridges, Jerry. Trusting God: Even When Life Hurts. Carol Stream, IL: Tyndale House, 2014. Kellemen, Robert W. God’s Healing for Life’s Losses: How to Find Hope When You’re Hurting. Winona Lake, IN: BMH Books, 2010. Martin, Albert N. Grieving, Hope and Solace: When a Loved One Dies in Christ. Adelphi, MD: Cruciform Press, 2011.

BIBLICAL FRIENDSHIP: CLOSER THAN A BROTHER1

I. Friendship is Elusive (Prov 13:20; 20:6)

II. Friendship is Essential (Prov 18:1; Gen 1:26-27; 1 John 1:3)

III. The Friends to Avoid • Angry Adam (Prov 22:24-25) • Gossiping Gus (Prov 20:19) • Gold-Digging Gary (Prov 19:4) • Unrestrained Ursula (Prov 23:20-21; 28:7) • Evil Ernie (Prov 1:10; 24:1-2) • Rebellious Ralph (Prov 24:21-22)

IV. The Friend to Be and the Friend to Find • Loves Christ (Prov 9:10; 27:17; Gen 2:18) • Speaks the Truth (Prov 18:21; Eph 4:25) • Looks to Encourage (Prov 12:25; 15:23; 25:11; 1 Thess 5:14) • Gives Godly Counsel (Prov 11:14; 15:2; 20:5; 25:20; 27:9; Col 3:16) • Willing to Rebuke (Prov 24:26; 27:5-6; Matt 18:15) • Forgives Offenses (Prov 10:12; 17:9) • Keeps your Confidence (Prov 11:13) • Does not Abandon You (Prov 17:17; 18:24)

The Lord of the Rings is an amazing saga of bravery, heroism, and the battle between good and evil. But do you know who is the chief hero of the entire story? Your first guess might be Frodo who bore the burden of the ring all the way to Mordor. You might say Aragorn: the valiant, brave, selfless warrior who returned as king to save his people. Perhaps it’s Gandalf: the sage wizard who organized the fellowship of the ring and offers indispensable guidance. But do you know who the author, J. R. R. Tolkien himself, declares as the hero? It might surprise you that the hero is not any of those already mentioned. Tolkien, in a letter to his son Christopher, called the chief hero of the

1 The basis for this chapter has been contributed by J. Pang.

story – Samwise Gamgee. Frodo’s faithful friend was the real hero of the story. It was Sam’s words that pierced through Frodo’s despair, giving light and hope. It was Sam who was on the constant lookout for his friend, guarding him against evil. It was Sam who saved Frodo from Shelob the giant spider and false friends like Gollum. It was Sam who carried Frodo to the end and who made certain the ring was thrown into the fire. This story presents a poignant picture of true and loyal friendship, demonstrating that evil cannot be defeated without the help of faithful friends. In the journey of life we all need friends who will stick with us through good and bad, speak truth into our lives, and return to help us even when we rage at them or follow blindly into sin. Faithful friends bear us up when we can go no further on our own.

Friendship is Elusive It is difficult to find such friends. As Proverbs 20:6 wonders, “Many a man proclaims his own steadfast love, but a faithful friend who can find?” Solomon declares that faithful friends are few and far between. This also challenges those of us who think we are a good friend to others: “Many a man proclaims his own steadfast love.” Are we truly, according to the Bible, a good and faithful friend? “A faithful friend, who can find?” Let’s imagine a few scenarios together: Chuck and Beth just moved into town, newly married. They quickly joined a church in membership and got plugged into ministry by serving in the nursery. They were eager to be a part of church life and active to go to church gatherings. Beth went to baby showers and Chuck to men’s events. They both tried to develop close friendships, but after two years nothing was going their way. They had friends at church, but not close ones, No substantial relationships had developed and they did not feel like part of the family. They left to look for another church. Barry is an accountant, middle-aged, and single. He is friendly, but introverted.

He has been faithfully attending his church for years and has seen many new people come. They’re all friendly, but he still doesn’t feel connected to the life of the church. He attends every Sunday morning and Wednesday night service. People greet him and strike up short conversations, but it never leads to anything deeper. He struggles with feelings of loneliness and doesn’t feel like he is really growing. It seems like everyone else is happy, has activities happening in life, and lots of things to talk about. They just don’t have a whole of things to talk about with him.

Sarah is a stay-at-home mom. Her husband studies at the seminary and also works long hours, so she spends many hours at home with her three kids. She tries to make it to organized play dates and connects with other moms at church, but she longs for deeper connections like those she had in college. She knows she has to take initiative, but honestly she’s just exhausted. Just thinking about investing in relationships makes her wonder: “When will I ever have the time or energy?” As the days blur into weeks, her burden and stress continue to grow.

John is married with children. His main friendships are outside the church with non-believers: work buddies and old college friends. He gets together with them often and they have plenty of fun playing video games and watching sports. He has been going through some marital difficulties and has tried to share some, but that just gets his friends complaining about their own problems. He usually walks away with some laughs that make him feel better, but with no real answers or hope for change. Examples like these can be multiplied. Good, close, meaningful relationships are hard to find, yet we are wired for friendship. We are made to live in community.

Friendship is Essential “Whoever isolates himself seeks his own desire; he breaks out against all sound judgment” (Prov 18:1). Those who do not seek friends live foolishly because isolation is a form of anti-wisdom. Since we are naturally bent inward, isolating ourselves

only feeds the beast of selfishness. Friends are God-given guard rails to keep us from throwing gutter balls in bowling alley of life. Friends are God-given gifts who love us but are not impressed with us. We all need friends who will tell us the truth when we are being stupid or utterly selfish. Good friends will poke a hole in our elevated pride and the best of friends will fix our eyes on becoming more devoted followers of Christ.

Friendship in marriage When God made Adam, he said, “It is not good for man to be alone” (Gen

2:18a). So God made Eve to be his wife and his very first friend (vv. 21-22). Life was good for Adam and Eve as they walked with God and with each other. Things were right in their vertical relationship with God and their horizontal relationship with one another. Their marriage was blessed by God, yet their friendship was even more foundational than marriage. In fact, a marriage will fall apart without friendship. So we all need friendship, but not everyone needs to be, nor will become, married.

Friendship with God Friendship is essential because God is love (1 John 4:8, 16). He is more than just the Creator, because he was not always the Creator. There was a time when the world was not, therefore there was a time when God was not yet Creator. God, however, has always been love, which presupposes an object of his love. Our God, has eternally existed in Triune love: Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. God then created man in his image: “Let us make man in our image, after our likeness. . . . In the image of God he created him; male and female he created them” (Gen 1:26-27). God created man to live in community and relationship, therefore friendship is fundamental to our existence. To deny relationship, love, and friendship is to deny the God-given image in each and every one of us. We were made for friendship and wired to seek out one another. In fact, the mark of a Christian is a supernatural God-given love (1 Cor 13:4-8; John 13:34-35). This also presupposes that there are people in our life to love—that there are friendships and 61

fellowship in which that love is faithfully displayed. All the “one-another” commands in Scripture are simply avenues and expressions of that love.

Friendship is Broken Friendship, however, is broken in a fallen world. Friendship is broken because of sin, for sin always separates. When Adam sinned, he first blamed God and then he blamed his wife. Do you remember what he said? “The woman whom you gave to be with me, she gave me fruit of the tree and I ate” (3:12). Adam would have made a horrible diplomat. He had just burned bridges with his wife and God—the only other people on the planet, yet that is the folly of sin. Sin leads to strife in relationships, pride, broken marriages, dysfunctional families, and backstabbing friends. Sin separates. It always separates. Adam and Eve initially loved one another perfectly, but when they sinned against God they severed their connection to the holy God who perfectly loves. God drove them away from his presence and from the source of their love. They severed their connection with God until it warped their love for one another. Instead of seeking the other’s good, they turned inward and started looking out simply for ourselves. Just look at Adam and Eve’s offspring to see how quickly relationships were perverted. Ever since Eden, man has grown increasingly sinful and selfish. Rather than loving others as an expression of our love for God, we use others as an expression of our love for self. Rather than loving others because we love God, we use others because we worship ourselves. For that we rightly deserve death and eternal punishment.

Friendship is Restored The God who is love, however, sent his perfect Son to live among mankind. Jesus lived the perfect life of love as an expression of his love for the Father. He died on a cross as the innocent, sacrificial lamb, so that our sins might be forgiven and to bring us again into friendship with God. So Jesus declared, “Greater love has no one than this, that 62

someone lay down his life for his friends. You are my friends if you do what I command you” (John 15:13). He called us friends, though we, at one time, hated him and wanted nothing to do with him. He sought us out and befriended us, bringing us into the fellowship of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit. “That which we have seen and heard we proclaim also to you, so that you too may have fellowship with us; and indeed our fellowship is with the Father and with his Son Jesus Christ” (1 John 1:3). Friendship is essential, but also broken. Only Jesus could restore our vertical connection to God and godly, faithful friendship with others.

The Friends to Avoid Solomon calls us to choose our friends wisely: “Whoever walks with the wise becomes wise, but the companion of fools will suffer harm” (Prov 13:20). Friends influence us more than we know and more than we care to admit. The friends you choose today will determine the shape of your life and character for decades. Does this mean we should only have Christian friends? No, of course not. It does mean, however, that our main circle of friends should be comprised of those who are wise, who fear the Lord, and call us to do the same. For this reason, Solomon warns us against six types of people to avoid. As Christians, of course, we want to befriend unbelievers and hopefully lead them to Christ. Yet that is not the point of Solomon’s warnings. He cautions us against people to whom we must not entrust our hearts or listen to their advice. This is a good list on which to meditate and teach your children.

Angry Adam First, stay away from Angry Adam: “Make no friendship with a man given to anger, nor go with a wrathful man, lest you learn his ways and entangle yourself in a snare” (22:24-25). Angry Adam is always mad about something. He is always complaining about the wrongs done against him, how people are inconsiderate, how the 63

driver in front is an idiot, how the cashier is too slow. You always feel like you’re walking on eggshells around Angry Adam. This is a man given to anger. Anger comes about because we perceive an injustice has been done to us. We have a strong conviction of what should be, but isn’t. The problem usually isn’t the injustice, but rather the inconvenience it causes. Angry Adam thinks life is all about him and everyone around him hasn’t gotten the hint. Spend enough time with Angry Adam and you will start feeling angry too. He has a point, after all. Sinful people mess up. They sin against you, so isn’t it right for you to get angry? Avoid Angry Adam, lest you learn his ways and entangle yourself in a snare.

Gossiping Gus Also stay away from Gossiping Gus: “Whoever goes about slandering reveals secrets; therefore do not associate with a simple babbler” (20:9). “The words of a whisperer are like choice morsels; they go down into the inner parts of the body” (18:8). For Gus, all information goes into the ear and slides right down the tongue. He loves to keep up with everyone else’s gossip and delights to keep others up-to-date as well. For some reason, he feels good knowing about the struggles, failures, missteps, and problems of others. Solomon curtly warns to not associate with such a babbler who goes about slandering and revealing secrets. So are you a gossip? Are you a willing recipient of information that you should not have—that has nothing to do with you or the building up of others? Do you willingly pass on information you shouldn’t? If someone tries to inform you about something you have no business knowing, kindly pause and tell them, “Are you sure you should be telling me this? Would this person want you talking about this?”

Gold-digging Gary Then there is Gold-Digging Gary: “Wealth brings many new friends, but a poor man is deserted by his friend” (19:4). Solomon shows how money can make you a 64

friend magnet (e.g., Luke 15:13). Everyone wants a piece of the pie. The rich have many so-called friends, but the poor man has only one friend who eventually deserts him. Many people make friends for selfish gain: whether for money, fame, prestige, or reputation. Beware of friends who pop up suddenly into your life when you come into money or coworkers who suddenly embrace you due to your new position. Beware of entrusting yourself to Gold-Digging Gary.

Unrestrained Ursula

Also, don’t get too close to Unrestrained Ursula: “Be not among drunkards or among gluttonous eaters of meat, for the drunkard and the glutton will come to poverty, and slumber will clothe them with rags” (Prov 23:20-21). “The one who keeps the law is a son with understanding, but a companion of gluttons shames his father” (28:7). Unrestrained Ursula has no self-control, regularly gets drunk, and gorges herself on food. More than that, she also consumes to the extreme whatever she finds most fun at the moment. Moderation, what’s that? All her money goes into her belly and the rest into partying. Her lazy, wild lifestyle leads only to poverty and shame. Avoid her.

Evil Ernie Then stay away from Evil Ernie: “Be not envious of evil men, nor desire to be with them, for their hearts devise violence, and their lips talk of trouble” (24:1-2). “My son, if sinners entice you, do not consent” (1:10). “My son, do not walk in the way with them; hold back your foot from their paths” (1:15). Evil Ernie likes to cash in on the misfortune of others. In fact, he delights in using violence and deception to rob others. He schemes and plans, then invites others to join him in stealing from the hard work of others. This serious temptation is the first which Solomon addresses in Proverbs: “My son if sinners entice, do not consent.” Evil men will ambush unsuspecting innocents and lay in wait after setting their traps. They promise minimal effort with maximum payout, yet it may mean breaking the law and stealing possessions. Thus Solomon warns his son, 65

“Do not walk in the way with them; hold back your foot from their paths.”

Rebellious Ralph Finally, there is Rebellious Ralph: “My son, fear the LORD and the king, and do not join with those who do otherwise, for disaster will arise suddenly from them, and who knows the ruin that will come from them both?” (24:21-22). Rebellious Ralph has no respect for the law or the Lord. He has no qualms about breaking rules. He is anti- authority and anti-establishment. Solomon warns us to stay far back.

The Friend to Be and the Friend to Find We study the Proverbs because we want to live wisely. We want to learn about the kind of friend we should be and the kind of friends we should find. Let’s say your friend struggles to live up to her parents’ expectations. She’s single, hard-working at her job, and happy. Her parents, however, live far away, and she always has a hard time after visiting home or talking with them on the phone. They usually have something to complain about and their disapproval really affects your friend badly. The first few times it happens, you listen and try to encourage her. Then you realize: “I want to do a better job, I want to have something better to say the next time she goes through this.” So you start reading what the Bible says about friendship. Consider five characteristics of biblical friendship found in Proverbs. As we apply these principles to ourselves, we will better understand how we can be a faithful friend to those around us.

One who loves Christ

The first characteristic of the friend to be and the friend to find is one who loves Christ. Love for Christ is both the foundation of a godly friendship and the goal. For friendship implies there is something shared in common between two or more persons. According to C. S. Lewis: “That is why . . . people who simply ‘want friends’ can never make any. The very condition of having Friends is that we should want

something else besides Friends. . . . Friendship must be about something. . . . Those who have nothing can share nothing; those who are going nowhere can have no fellow travelers.”2 If you aim for friendship, you may either not get it or be continually exhausted by seeking to please others. Yet if you aim higher for a goal such as greater love for Christ, then you’ll also find friendship as you traverse the road with others who seek the Lord. For example, the first friendship was given so that man could glorify and honor God in obedience to his commands. God made Eve for Adam, so that together they could glorify God, be fruitful and multiply, and fill the earth. Their relationship existed so that they could honor the Lord together. Certainly, many friendships revolve around special interests like basketball, football, fishing, shopping, reading, and stamp collecting. You might also cultivate friendships because of your stage in life: college friends, coworkers, mothers, or seniors. The greatest and noblest of reasons for friendship, however, is to honor God and to love Christ. All other friendships are, in some way, a substitute for the real thing. They are not, in the end, what friendship was fully designed to be. Friends should help us become better worshippers of God, for we were made in the image of God to honor him. Therefore, any friendship which doesn’t encourage us to become more like Christ falls short of the ultimate goal. The best friends are those who sharpen us: “Iron sharpens iron, as one man sharpens another (27:17). So Jonathan Holmes writes, “Biblical friendship is not just an endeavor toward self-realization but a mutual journey toward Christlikeness.”3 Another pastor adds, “There is a certain niceness to a friendship where I can be, as they say, myself. But what I really need are relationships in which I will be encouraged to become better than myself.”4 The greatest form of friendship occurs when two people

2 C. S. Lewis, The Four Loves (New York: Harcourt Brace, 1960), 66. Jonathan Holmes quotes this in his work. The following discussion draws on many points that Holmes makes in his book.

3 Jonathan Holmes, The Company We Keep: In Search of Spiritual Friendship (Hudson, OH: Cruciform Press, 2015).

4 Gordon MacDonald quoted in Holmes, Spiritual Friendship, 56. 67

who love Christ come together and encourage each another to love Christ more. Are you this kind of friend? Do you cultivate these kinds of friendships? Friendship based on the goal of loving Christ will transcend the normal relationships of our culture. Think about your own friendships. For example, if you are a young mom, you may easily connect with other moms. Moms naturally talk about their kids when they get together, but do you broach any deeper subjects like, “How are you really doing? How is your marriage? Are you able to find time to pray and read amidst all your busyness? How can I pray for you?” A young mom pursuing biblical friendships will reach out to other moms for fellowship so she can learn from them and invest in them. If you are a guy, perhaps you like to get together over sports or video games, but do you neglect the deeper things of life? Do you have friends who ask you probing questions and encourage you in our love for Christ. How can you help your friends encourage one another to love Christ more?

One who speaks the truth

The second characteristic of a faithful friend is one who speaks the truth. “Therefore, having put away falsehood, let each one of you speak the truth with his neighbor, for we are members one of another” (Eph 4:25). We must be forthright and forthcoming with our friends. We must value honesty. We cannot be a yes-man or a yes- woman. Many friends don’t want to rub you the wrong way. They just want to keep things status quo and will do anything to keep the peace. As Christians, however, we are called to a high standard: to speak the truth with love.

A good friend can lovingly speak the truth in three ways. First, a good friend looks to encourage: “Anxiety in a man’s heart weighs him down, but a good word makes him glad” (Prov 12:25). When we get anxious, as Philippians 4 reminds us, we should always pray to God who promises that the peace of Christ will guard our hearts. Sometimes that peace—that lifting of anxiety, may come through the good word of

friend: “Death and life are in the power of the tongue” (Prov 18:21a). “The tongue of the wise brings healing” (12:18b). Be the kind of friend who knows the truth of Scripture and knows your friend deeply, so that you know how to bring that truth into his or her life for encouragement. Strive to be friends who can gladden the hearts of others with a good word. Remember though, that empty encouragements are not a form of speaking the truth. Telling someone, “You will make a great pastor” (when you aren’t really sure) is not speaking the truth. The classic platitude, “Everything will be fine, don’t worry about it,” is not speaking the truth. We must not dole out empty words of comfort. Instead, we must be motivated to read our Bible and to learn theology, so we can know God’s promises which will bring true encouragement to our friends. Secondly, a good friend must give godly counsel. This doesn’t require you to be a super counselor or a licensed therapist. God calls all of us to minister truth to one another (Rom 15:14). This requires, however, that you know your friend by spending time with them. You know their struggles, what makes them jump for joy, and what triggers moodiness or depression. “The purpose in a man’s heart is like deep water, but a man of understanding will draw it out” (Prov 20:5). You want to be one who understands your friend. Some people are naturally better at this, while others must work harder. Either way, ask God for wisdom. God has sovereignly placed you in your friend’s life, so ask him to equip you to counsel. “Where there is no guidance, a people falls, but in an abundance of counselors there is safety” (11:14). Counseling also means you must know the truth in Scripture. You don’t need to know everything in the Bible to counsel, but perhaps begin by addressing your own problems and struggles. Then consider your friends: What do they need counsel and encouragement for? As you study the Scriptures alongside your friend, you will grow in your competence to counsel. Thirdly, a good friend must be willing to rebuke. I choose these words intentionally: A good friend is “willing” to rebuke, not “wanting” to rebuke. We should never desire to tear down our friends or relish the opportunity to cut them down to size. It 69

should not be fun to confront one another over sin, but we must be willing because we all have blind spots. We all have stubborn areas in life that we try to hide, so we need good friends to shine God’s light on us and help us in our struggles. “Better is open rebuke than hidden love. Faithful are the wounds of a friend; profuse are the kisses of an enemy” (27:5-6). Enemies will kiss you repeatedly and tell you that you’re fine, but true friends will stab you in the front. They’ll do it for your health. Loving rebuke attends to your friend’s spiritual health by wounding them so they can grow. You are willing to rebuke when you see a friend caught in a specific act of sin like losing his temper or yelling at his wife. You lovingly confront when he is caught in a pattern of sin such as regularly speaking harsh words. You go to him gently and prayerfully, humbly confront him of that sin (Gal 6:1). This accountability takes much wisdom. It is never easy, but it must be done. You and your friend hold one another to God’s standard and help one another remain spiritually healthy. If you love your friends, you will take the time to ask good questions, examine their hearts with care, and point out unhealthy patterns in their lives.

You are willing to ask hard questions because sometimes sin is not so evident. You care enough to know how your friend is doing, so you poke around. Here are some good starter questions: “How have you been walking with the Lord? Is there anything I can be praying about? What have you been struggling with recently? What is one lesson God has been teaching you this past month?” If you already know these things about your friend, then ask more specific questions. For example, you might ask your friend in a dating relationship, “How is your purity? Have you struggled at all?” If your friend is married, “How’s your marriage? Have you had a fight recently? How was that resolved?

What is one way you want to grow in your relationship? Have you been maintaining physical intimacy?” Remember, you do not ask these questions to fish for a rebuke! You ask hard questions to care for your friend. “Oil and perfume make the heart glad, and the sweetness of a friend comes from his earnest counsel” (Prov 27:9). The friend who wants to help you grow by asking 70

the deeper questions gives us a sweet aroma. By contrast, those who do not provide earnest counsel, smell sour (or perhaps they don’t smell like anything). They are not very helpful. On our part, we should also invite our friends to give us feedback. We must be willing to ask each other: “How do you think I can grow?” Maybe this sounds strange to you: “That’s not how my friendships work. It would be weird if we started talking about that kind of stuff.” You need to ask, “What is more important: my comfort or Christ?” Be a good soul doctor who shakes things up a bit for the good of your friend. Be a good friend who speaks the truth in love.

One who forgives offenses The third characteristic of a biblical friend is one who forgives offenses. This presupposes, or course, that your friend will sin against you. Why are we so surprised when our friend sins, or even worse, sins against us? Isn’t it part of our theology that all are sinners and the church just a giant rehab center? Yes, we are saved, but we are still sinners who will inevitably sin against one another. True Christian friendship over time survives the scars of sin. We may botch our attempts to speak the truth in love. We may misinterpret a situation or harm another with our words. We can be insensitive or even rude. In our vulnerability, others may injure us. Therefore in the church, we must be ready to forgive. As Paul says, “If one has a complaint against another, [you must forgive] each another; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive (Col 3:13). The Lord has forgiven us a massive debt by killing his beloved Son on the cross. We had no credit with

God. Our debt was so terrible that the holy Son of God had to die on the cross to wipe it clean. How can we still hold onto a grudge or nurse bitterness when we understand how much we’ve been forgiven? Any failure to forgive stems from not understanding how much we’ve been forgiven, how sinful we are, and the greatness of our Savior. Forgiveness makes three promises: I will not dwell on the issue. I will not bring it up to

use it against you. I will not bring it up with others. Do you know the forgiveness of Christ that leads you to forgive in such a way?

One who keeps your confidence “Whoever goes about slandering reveals secrets, but he who is trustworthy in spirit keeps a thing covered” (Prov 11:13). The fourth characteristic of a biblical friend is one who keeps your confidence. You trust that you can pour out your heart and freely admit your fears and struggles for a true friend avoids gossip and does not betray your confidence. Trust leads to transparency. Do you want me to share my life with you? Then make sure your lips are sealed and guarded like a bank. Do you gossip? Are you a trustworthy friend? Like a safe deposit box, can people take their inner thoughts and entrust them to you? Or do you willingly pass on information you shouldn’t and listen to words you do not need to hear? If someone tries to tell you something you have no business knowing, kindly pause and tell them, “Are you sure you should be telling me this? Would this person want you talking about this?”

One who will not abandon you The last characteristic of biblical friend is one who will not abandon you: “A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity” (17:17). This proverb interestingly compares a friend on one hand with a brother on the other. One lovingly associates with you by choice, while the other is forced to associate with you by birth. A brother (and other close relatives) will stand with you in times of adversity. They function like a safety net, but are not as constant as friends. You may talk with family infrequently, but a friend loves at all times. The moment of adversity is contrasted with “all times.” The friend who loves you is always present in good times and in bad. In ancient times, the family was the most important social community, so it was hard to imagine a relationship closer than a sibling. Yet a friend who loves is present through thick and thin. 72

Now under what circumstances might we be tempted to abandon our friends? When does friendship become inconvenient? Maybe you are really tired, but you know your friend is going through difficulties. Then the phone rings at midnight: “Oh, not again,” you think. What will you do? Will you pretend that you don’t hear the phone? Or will you be there when friendship requires sacrifice? Will you be there for your friend when it requires time from your schedule, gas in your car, or the free weekend when you were looking forward to doing nothing? What about when it wears on your patience? You may think, “Shouldn’t they get over this issue by now? They should’ve moved on.” You are tired of hearing the same song over and over. What about when they sin against you? Are you tempted to give up the relationship instead of seeking to reconcile? We must strive to be the type of friend who are reliably present, especially in a time of need that may require our personal sacrifice. Proverbs 18:24 says, “A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.” Friends should be measured by quality, not quantity. Look at the contrast between the phrases: The man with tons of friends may come to ruin and brokenness, but the man with a true friend will never come to ruin. We need friends. It is how we were made. Yet it is more important to cultivate a few (or even one good friendship) than to have too many.

One who models Christ

Finally, as you pursue friendship, don’t make friendship your god. Holmes writes, “In the pursuit of friendship with others, we can neglect our primary calling to pursue Christ. The friendship we so ardently search for becomes our functional savior – a distraction from our boring life, an escape from loneliness, and a source of comfort in difficult times.”5 We cannot, and should not look to our friends to do what only Christ

5 Holmes, Spiritual Friendship, 39.

can do. But we should pursue friendships that help us look to Christ as our all-sufficient Savior. Friendship plays a vital role in displaying the glory of God to the watching world, so investing in biblical friendship should be considered a spiritual discipline. May we all become more faithful friends who model the likeness of Christ to others.

Life Application Study:

1. What is your description of a “good” friend? How does that match up with the biblical view presented?

2. Do you recognize the need for biblical friendships in your life? God promises he will never leave you nor forsake you, but he also created you to be connected through friendship with one another. What is one step you can take this week to prioritize biblical friendships?

3. Focus on one of the characteristics of a biblical friend and describe how you can grow in that area.

4. If friendship is so important, it should be a part of our prayer life. Take some time to pray for: (1) your friends; (2) yourself to be a faithful friend; (3) for God to provide you with faithful friends.

5. How can you incorporate prayer for friendships in your daily routine?

Memory Verse

Proverbs 20:6 Many a man proclaims his own steadfast love, but a faithful friend who can find?

Resources for further study:

Holmes, Jonathan. The Company We Keep: In Search of Biblical Friendship. Hudson, OH: Cruciform Press, 2015. Welch, Edward T. Side by Side: Walking with Others in Wisdom and Love. Wheaton: Crossway, 2015.

ANXIETY: THE RIGHTEOUS ARE BOLD AS A LION

I. Comprehend Fear and Anxiety (Prov 3:24-25; 10:24; 12:25; 14:10, 13, 28, 30; 18:14; 25:28; 28:1; 29:25)

II. Confess Fear and Anxiety (Prov 22:13; Phil 4:4-9; Heb 13:5-6)

III. Counteract Fear and Anxiety (Prov 3:7; 9:10; 10:27; 13:12; 14:26-27; 15:16; 19:23; 22:4; 23:17; 31:30)

Many find Scripture’s response to fear and anxiety simplistic: “Do not fear. Do not be anxious. Do not be afraid.” Yet Scripture goes deeper than we first understand. “Do not fear” is the most frequent command in Scripture (occurring hundreds of times) and its frequency reveals certain truths about life. First, we are a people prone to fear. Scripture addresses it often because fear is a universal problem. We are a fallen people in a fallen world scared off by fellow sinners. Secondly, “Do not fear” reminds us that God does care. He is not a calloused drill sergeant giving orders for us to stand at attention, but rather a loving Father gently urging his children: “Don’t be afraid. I am with you always.” Lastly, “Do not fear” holds the promise that fear and anxiety can be overcome. For God would not command us to obey without also providing the means. So what makes you anxious? What fears do you have? What keeps you up at night and worries you throughout the day? Try to comprehend your fear and anxiety.1

Comprehend Fear and Anxiety

Physiological effects

First, recognize that fear affects your body. Think about the last time you

1 We’ll address them both together, but realize that they are slightly different. “Anxiety involves worrying about what could possibly happen, whereas fear goes another step, more convinced that the danger dreaded will really happen” (Stuart Scott, Anger, Anxiety, and Fear: A Biblical Perspective [Bemidji, MN: Focus Publishing, 2009], 13).

attempted something that made you anxious—perhaps like public speaking. Consider some of the physiological effects: Your palms became sweaty2 and your throat dry. Your heart beat faster3 as it got harder and harder to breathe.4 The more you thought about speaking in public, the more nervous and anxious you became. Now imagine experiencing that kind of fear in everyday life as the underlying background music of your life. According to the National Institute of Mental Health, over 40 million adults in America or 18% of the population suffer some form of anxiety disorder.5 This number could rise to 30% if we included unreported or undiagnosed cases. Perhaps you would count yourselves among that number, for we live in a fallen world in which even good things have been twisted by the effects of sin. Now fear can be good. Have you ever thanked God for fear? It can keep us from spiritual danger: “By the fear of the LORD one turns away from evil” (Prov 16:6b). Fear can keep us from physical danger. If you see a bear in the woods it is good to be afraid. Fear sends an instantaneous signal to your brain6 and your brain then signals the rest of your body. Your heart palpitates as it pumps more oxygen, preparing your muscles to run. You feel “butterflies” in your stomach as blood gets diverted to more important functions than digestion. You feel the rush of adrenaline, your senses heightened. For God designed fear to protect us in a fallen world. Yet just like everything else the curse of sin can mess up our bodies and our brains. For this reason, we can be just as fearful of public speaking as we are of a bear in the woods. Anxiety brings chest pains or panic

2 Sweating is the body’s way of efficiently cooling down.

3 Heart rate increases to provide more oxygen to the muscles and prepare the body for action. One might experience “butterflies” in the stomach because blood is diverted away from the digestive system to the muscles. Senses, like hearing and sight, become more sensitive so slight changes are exaggerated.

4 Hyperventilation is common which can lead to dizziness and numbness in the fingers. These symptoms can be easily misinterpreted as a heart attack.

5 https://www.adaa.org/about-adaa/press-room/facts-statistics. 6 Fear is believed to be controlled by the amygdala.

attacks or terrible headaches.7 We might be afraid to leave the home or paralyzed in social situations. I remember the first time I noticed my own anxiety. It must have been in the first or second grade and there was this cute little girl in my class. But one day I saw her in a different context outside of school, and I froze. Not only was I unable to speak, but it felt like my feet were melted to the ground. I think I heard her giggling, but I could not move for what seemed like an eternity. I didn’t have a name for it at the time, but I would experience those episodes of anxiety all throughout my life.

Spiritual effects “Like a city that is broken into and without walls is a man who has no control over his spirit” (Prov 25:28, NAU). In ancient times, a city was defenseless without its walls (e.g., 2 Kgs 14:13). Enemies and wild animals could enter at will. Likewise are those who have lost control to fear. They are open to attack from every direction. Like a horde of barbarians, anxiety runs rampant and tears down walls. Have you ever spent time with an anxious person? Not only are their thoughts spluttering an unfiltered stream of consciousness, but their health often suffers as well. For “a man's spirit will endure sickness, but a crushed spirit who can bear?” (18:14). If we have control of our spirit, we can endure sickness and even chronic pain. We can face death or disease with dignity. If our spirit is strong, we can sustain a broken body. But if our spirit is crushed—if our soul is plagued by anxiety, it doesn’t take much to set us off. In fact, we could be anxious even when there is nothing to be anxious about.

Medical concerns

Now as Christians we know the medical model can sometimes be

7 According to Dr. Robert Smith, non-pathological panic attacks were a psychosomatic response that triggered the adrenal glands (high-octane energy) for a fight-or-flight response. The anxious person who responds with fright out of paralysis must still do something productive with that energy (e.g., exercise, go for a walk).

reductionistic. Pharmaceutical advertisements make us think that anti-depressants are all butterflies and picnics (so long as you ignore the small-print side effects). They try to sell hope in a pill, for if we are simply physical beings—living blobs of evolutionary matter, then all we need is to rebalance our chemicals. Instead, the Bible tells us that we are more than physical beings. For example, “A tranquil heart gives life to the flesh, but envy makes the bones rot” (14:30). If our soul is good and our heart at peace, then our body will flourish—we will have life in our flesh. Yet if our heart is sick and our spirit crushed, we will feel the physical effects down to the rotting of our bones. Now let’s be clear: There is nothing inherently wrong with medication. As Christians, we go to the doctor all the time. We take medication for various forms of illness. Yet too often the church associates a social stigma with those who take medication for anxiety because mental illnesses are invisible: “You just need to trust God more. You don’t have enough faith. All you need is prayer and the Bible.” We must be more sensitive to fellow strugglers and not so quick to judge. Trust the suffering person to make a wise decision with their family. If they need help, encourage them to see a doctor (preferably a Christian who also understands the spiritual nature of anxiety). Then remain involved at an appropriate level of biblical friendship. If you’re an acquaintance, listen to them without judging and empathize with their suffering. If you’re a fellow church member, pray for them as you provide support and encouragement. If you are family or a discipler or a close friend, appropriately educate yourself about their medication. Know when they are taking it and the nature of the side effects.

Emotional-Relational concerns The church, however, cannot rely on simply medical treatment, because there is always a spiritual component to anxiety. As Christians, we must not remain one- dimensional in ministering to the anxious. Consider the emotional-relational aspect. We know from Scripture and by experience that we all need friends. Every one of us

functions better with loving support, kind words, and people we trust. As relational beings, we need the encouragement of others. For example, “Anxiety in a man's heart weighs him down, but a good word makes him glad” (12:25). The heart is the center of a person, controlling his innermost thoughts and desires, both the rational and irrational. Yet anxiety goes all the way to the heart of a man where it weighs him down and crushes him with distress. Anxiety is the fear of losing what you desire—the psychological burden of having the idols of your heart threatened. These sinful thoughts reap emotional misery as we learn in 14:14b, “The backslider in heart will be filled with the fruit of his ways.” Think about what worries you. For many it’s school or work: “How do I find a job? How do I keep my job? How do I do my job well? How do I please my boss?” We are facing tremendous pressures at work, but don’t often even realize the stress we’re under. Or maybe you’re anxious about money: “How will I pay the bills? Can we afford the mortgage? Will my retirement fund last?” It might be health that you worry about for yourself or someone in your family. Another big one is relationships. We fear the loss of friendship or approval or respect from others. Even kings and politicians pander to the public, “[for] without people a prince is ruined” (14:28b). We are upset by all sorts of fears, but too often we fear the disapproval of others. Our good desire for relationship can deteriorate into the fear of man: “The fear of man lays a snare, but whoever trusts in the

LORD is safe” (29:25). In a fallen world, we are rightly fearful that others may sin against us. They might reject us or ridicule us for any number of reasons. In our desire for friendship we might even “envy a man of violence” (3:31) or become “the companion of fools” (13:20). Think of Herod when John the Baptist called him out for marrying his brother’s wife (Mark 6:14-29). Instead of confessing his sin, Herod cringed in fear of his “wife.” Herod then beheaded John to save his own face in front of dinner guests. Many of the poor decisions we make in life can be traced directly to unhealthy relationships. Someone hurt us or let us down, so we become skeptical of people. Or we made another 80

person into an idol and so desired their approval that our spirit rose or fell by pleasing them. “The fear of man lays a snare.” Once again we can become reductionistic. We might think our only problem is lack of friends or unhealthy relationships. Entire therapies and churches preach a gospel of self-esteem or self-love: “You just need someone to fill up your love tank. You need to fix your family system.” Yes, healthy relationships are essential, but once again it’s not the whole picture.

Moral concerns

There is also a moral aspect to anxiety. Joseph’s brothers sold him into slavery, then deceived their father into thinking he had been slain by a wild animal (Gen 37). Imagine their discomfort as they watched their father grieve for twenty years. Consider the anxiety that weighed down their hearts, for not even time will heal a guilty conscience. After twenty years, God sovereignly reunited them with Joseph and it’s remarkable how these brothers interpreted their trials. When one of them was thrown in prison, “They said to one another, ‘In truth we are guilty concerning our brother, in that we saw the distress of his soul, when he begged us and we did not listen. That is why this distress has come upon us’” (42:21). They started blaming each other for what they had done to Joseph so very long ago (v. 22). Our fear is heightened when we know we’re doing something wrong. Sometimes I’ll walk into a room and announce my presence and see one of my boys startle in fear. Instantly I’ll wonder: “What’s he up to?” According to Proverbs 28:1, “The wicked flee when no one pursues, but the righteous are bold as a lion.” Sin makes cowards of us all and a guilty conscience makes us jumpy. Dostoevsky darkly captured this mental anguish in his novel, Crime and Punishment.8 It’s why Adam and Eve felt the need to hide from God (Gen 3:8-11). As one counselor states, “The overwhelming

8 Fyodor Dostoevsky, Crime and Punishment (1866).

majority of persons I’ve counseled who have been diagnosed as paranoid or schizophrenic by mental health professionals were excessively guilt-ridden individuals.”9 Yet if we are living right, we have nothing to fear. We are lion-hearted. “What the wicked dreads will come upon him, but the desire of the righteous will be granted” (Prov 10:24; see 1:33). We are bold when God is our defender, yet fearful when defenseless. The wicked even have trouble sleeping, unlike the righteous: “If you lie down, you will not be afraid; when you lie down, your sleep will be sweet. Do not be afraid of sudden terror or of the ruin of the wicked, when it comes” (3:24-25). One possible reason we struggle with anxiety is lack of repentance. We fear our sin will find us out. We fear that God will punish us. Even years of therapy can never cure a guilty conscience because secular culture never even talks about repentance. They don’t have a category for it. Now, of course, personal sin is not the only cause of anxiety. We must take care to not be Job’s judgmental friends. But examine your own life: Is there conflict with another person you haven’t resolved? Is there unconfessed sin in your past? Unconfessed means unforgiven and unforgiven means a guilty conscience. If you do not repent, it will lead to repression and anxiety. Or perhaps you have shame or anger or bitterness in response to someone’s sin against you. You know it’s wrong, but you don’t know any other way to handle the hurts in your past. That sinful response adds to your guilt. All this contributes to your anxiety and keeps you from living the abundant life.

Existential concerns Then along with the physical, the emotional-relational, and the moral, comes the existential aspect. We exist in a fallen world where things go wrong and people

9 Lou Priolo, Fear: Breaking Its Grip (Phillipsburg, NJ: P&R Publishing, 2009), 25. “A guilty conscience will turn shadows into phantoms and ambulances into police cars and innocent inquiries into indictments and doorbells into threats and mailmen into warrant officers and school teachers into wardens and parents into cross-examiners and friends into traitors and simple office memos into termination papers” (John Piper, sermon on Proverbs 28:1, https://www.desiringgod.org/messages/the-righteous-are-bold-as-a- lion).

wrong us. We have reason to be afraid, for deep down we know that all good things must come to an end. The great job doesn’t last forever. Friends may sometimes move away. Toys and possessions and houses fall apart. Health is unstable. Beauty is fleeting. Our marriage vows state, “Til death do us part,” because one day death will part. “Even in laughter the heart may ache, and the end of joy may be grief” (14:13). Every life will end in death. Every joy will end in grief. Every possession will end in loss. As fools, we live for our best life now. We comfort each other, “It’ll get better. Life will work out. Time heals all wounds.” Yet we’re just transferring trust between idols. We put our faith in the next thing and the next thing and the next thing to distract ourselves from a life without meaning. If you don’t know how you got here or where you’re going, then have the guts to admit your whole life is insignificant. You should be anxious if you think this life is all there is. Not only that, but you are alone. “The heart knows its own bitterness, and no stranger shares its joy” (14:10). No one understands you. No one gets you. You’re like a deep well full of water that’s hard to draw out (20:5). Most of the time, you can’t even understand yourself. Only “the LORD weighs the spirit” (16:2). Only the Lord is always faithful—the only One who gives meaning to life. So if God is not your friend, then you are utterly alone in this world. We feel anxious over loss of control, so we obsessive-compulse. We self- medicate. We hoard. We purge. We try to control some tiny aspect of our life because everything else is spinning away: “If only I plan out my retirement, I’ll be secure; If only I raise my children right, they won’t become criminals; If only I balance my diet and medication, I won’t get cancer.” Life reminds us that we have no control. Scripture teaches that we can’t hold on to anything. We should be anxious because we are alone and out-of-control in a messed-up world surrounded by messed-up people. Now aren’t you encouraged? Don’t you feel worry-free after reading this? The point is that anxiety is complex. We cannot reduce it to a single cause or a single symptom. Anxiety shows up both in the drivenness of the corporate CEO and the 83

depression of a shell-shocked vet. Anxiety lies behind our anger at the kids or complacency toward a spouse. We can’t simply tell the anxious to pray more and read their Bibles and trust in God. Anxiety affects us spiritually, physically, emotionally, and existentially. So we must address every aspect of anxiety. Our therapeutic world deals with anxiety like the blind men and the elephant: “You need a pill. You need a friend. You need a loving family. You need a purpose in life. You need a Bible verse.” All these blind men are touching different parts of the elephant and saying this is what it is: “It’s a snake. It’s a tree. It’s a fan.” When, in fact, anxiety is an elephant. So let’s talk honestly about the elephant of fear and anxiety.

Confess Fear and Anxiety There are times when anxiety is appropriate. For example, Paul writes about “the daily pressure on me of my anxiety for all the churches” (2 Cor 11:28). He is concerned for the believers, using the same word as in Philippians 4:6a, “Do not be anxious about anything.” Yet he bolsters his godly concern by trusting in God’s ultimate control and goodness. Anxiety can sometimes be the right response. So when does fear become sinful? Let me ask you a few questions: Does anxiety ever keep you from serving God and serving others? “The sluggard says, ‘There is a lion outside! I shall be killed in the streets!’” (Prov 22:13; e.g., Matt 25:25). We can be so worked up by anxiety that it makes us unproductive. We neglect responsibilities and relationships (e.g., Luke 19:12-27; John 12:42-43) and opportunities to minister. Sinful anxiety makes us slaves to fear.

A few more questions: Do you fear man more than God? (Prov 29:25; e.g., Luke 12:4-5). Do you struggle with perfectionism? Do you worry about tasks on your to- do list that someone else will review? Are there people in your life that you are desperate to please? Sinful anxiety makes us slaves to people. Are you overly focused on yourself and the fearful circumstances around you? When Peter was walking on the water, he was

fine so long as he looked at Jesus (Matt 14:22-33). Yet the moment he glanced at the wind and the waves, he began to sink: “O, we of little faith.” Sinful fear arises from sinful thoughts when we leave our hearts unguarded (Prov 4:23). For example, Abraham almost lost his wife to Pharaoh because of unhealthy self-talk: “They’re going to kill me and take my wife” (see Gen 12:11-13). He allowed sinful anxiety to penetrate his heart. Anxiety destroys us when we fear something else more than we fear the Lord. For anxiety points to what we worship. We fear losing our greatest desires. Fear predicts,

“There is a future threat to something I love. I’m going to lose it!” In fact, the Greek word for anxiety means “to be pulled in two directions, divided, torn apart.” For anxiety is a battle in your heart for what you worship. When you fear anyone more than God, that person’s approval becomes an idol in your life. When you are anxious about unwanted trials, you have idolized a life of comfort free from pain. When you fear losing something or someone dear to you, it points to an idolatrous love of money, or health, or earthly pleasures. When you fear bodily harm, you foolishly worship safety and security in a fallen world. So when you feel anxious, pay attention! Anxiety exposes the idols of your heart. It shows you what you love too much. Take a moment to confess any sinful fear and anxiety. But don’t just repent of fear. Repent of the idols in your heart which have kindled those fears. What is it that you trust more than God? What is it that you are afraid to lose? What has become the object of your worship? Then how do you change? How do you root out these idols of the heart? How do you counteract fear and anxiety?

Counteract Fear and Anxiety

Fear the Lord First, focus on the fear of the Lord to guard your hearts. Fight fear with fear. Consider the many benefits of fearing the Lord: “In the fear of the LORD one has strong confidence, and his children will have a refuge. The fear of the LORD is a fountain of life, that one may turn away from the snares of death” (Prov 14:26-27). Isn’t that what the 85

anxious need: strong confidence, refuge, and a fountain of life? 15:33 promises “instruction in wisdom” (see 9:10; see 1:7; 2:5). “The fear of the LORD leads to life, and whoever has it rests satisfied; he will not be visited by harm” (19:23). 22:4 offers “riches and honor and life” (see 10:27). The fear of the Lord is better than beauty and charm (31:30) and a banquet full of food (15:16). Yet the fear of the Lord is, first of all, a choice. As in 1:29 when “[the fool] hated knowledge and did not choose the fear of the LORD.” Fearing the Lord means turning away from evil (3:7; 8:13; 16:6-7) and refusing to let “your heart envy sinners” (23:17). The fear of the Lord is to love him so intensely that we fear doing anything to grieve him (15:3, 11). So in the face of anxiety, the fear of the Lord must be your choice. Will you focus on God or on yourself? Will you fear man or trust in the Lord? Consider David’s example in 1 Samuel 30:6, “And David was greatly distressed, for the people spoke of stoning him, because all the people were bitter in soul, each for his sons and daughters. But David strengthened himself in the LORD his God.”

The people wanted to kill him. They were speaking lies—lashing out from their own pain. They had just watched their loved ones taken captive. If David had been living for the praises of men, he would have been devastated. But notice that “David strengthened himself in the LORD his God.” He took courage in the faithfulness of his God. For we don’t fight the fear of man by closing ourselves off to other people. We can’t glide through life with a “Clint Eastwood” coldness. No, we were made for relationship. We don’t run away from man, nor do we try to appease him. Instead, we run to God. Wayne Mack defines the fear of God as

a reflex, an attitudinal and emotional reaction to an accurate understanding and awareness of the glory and majesty of the God of the Bible that causes a person to trust God, love God, obey God, hope in God, and be consumed with God – wanting to honor, magnify, glorify, please, and serve him in every area of life. This fear of God will involve your intellect, your emotions, and your attitudes and actions.10

10 Wayne & Joshua Mack, Courage: Fighting Fear with Fear (Phillipsburg, NJ: P&R 86

Rejoice in the Lord When we are grounded in the fear of God, our autonomic response is not anxiety, but faith-filled worship. “Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, Rejoice” (Phil 4:4). Get your attitude right: “Let your reasonableness be known to everyone” (v. 5a). Get your actions in-line, because “the Lord is at hand” (v. 5b). “[He] will never leave you nor forsake you. So we can confidently say, ‘The Lord is my helper; I will not fear; what can man do to me?’” (Heb 13:5b-6).

Pray rightly Therefore, “do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus” (Phil 4:6-7). Counteracting fear and anxiety includes praying rightly. Ask God for help. Confess worry as a sin that you need his help to overcome. Then pray “with thanksgiving.” Thank God for what he is doing and for his peace in the midst of the trial.

Then “let your requests be made known to God.” Make specific requests for God’s deliverance—that he “will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” We fight anxiety on the battleground of the heart by taking every thought captive for Jesus Christ (2 Cor 10:5).

Think rightly We must pray rightly before we can think rightly: “Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things” (Phil 4:8). So remind yourself of God’s bountiful blessings: “Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, Rejoice.” Make a list of biblical truths on

Publishing, 2014), 223-24.

which to dwell that will counteract the sinful lies of anxiety. Then “think about these things”—present tense imperative. Continually and always fill your heart with thoughts of God.

Act rightly Pray rightly. Think rightly. Then act rightly: “What you have learned and received and heard and seen in me—practice these things, and the God of peace will be with you” (v. 9). Put your faith in God. Observe godly examples. Listen to biblical teaching. Rehearse the truths you’ve learned such as 1 Corinthians 10:13, “No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it” (see Gal 1:10). “Practice these things, and the God of peace will be with you.” Now let’s get super-practical. The other day, I was driving in an unfamiliar location when my phone ran out of batteries, so I no longer had GPS. I always get anxious if I don’t know where I’m going and I couldn’t find a map anywhere in the car. (Yes, there was a day when maps were made out of paper.) I started to get a headache and a terrible feeling in my stomach. I was also running low on gas and late for an appointment. Then I had a second appointment after that one, which I would probably miss as well. I would have to reschedule which might cost me late fees. My fear started spinning out of control. Right then, the car in front of me blocked me in so I couldn’t make the turn and I began getting agitated at this person I didn’t even know.

Anxiety can be a downward spiral. We might only face a tiny bit of pressure in life, but our sinful responses will increase the pressure. This downward spiral will lead to a crash, so we must end it as soon as it begins. Here’s how it works: First, I had to recognize my sin and take full responsibility. It wasn’t the driver in front of me or the poor signage or my phone’s dead battery. It was my fault for responding with sinful

anxiety, so I had to take full responsibility. Secondly, I had to recognize my selfish heart and ask God to forgive me. I was so focused on myself that I wasn’t thinking about others. How were my actions affecting them? How could I be a more courteous driver? How could I set a godly example for my son in the back seat? I had to confess my heart of anxiety that led to anger, impatience, and lack of trust. I had to confess my selfish craving for comfort and not wanting to be inconvenienced. I had to confess my fear of man: “What will people think if I’m late?” I had to confess my love of money at trying to escape late fees. Then once I put off my fear and my heart idolatry, I had to put on love for God and love for others (Matt 22:36-40). I had to say, “No!” to fear and “Yes!” to God. So I prayed, “Lord, how I can honor you in the midst of my anxiety? How can I serve the people around me instead of focusing on myself?” I had to control the barbarians in my mind and replace those irrational fears with biblical thoughts (Phil 4:8)—not simply optimistic ones. So what if I’m late? What if I’m lost? God is still in control. “The heart of man plans his way, but the LORD establishes his steps” (Prov 16:9). What about that dumb driver in front of me? Don’t I have the right to be angry? No, actually I don’t: “For the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God” (Jas 1:20). What if I lose time or money because my car runs out of gas or I have to reschedule an appointment? I recall Matthew 6:33, “But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.” What if I lose face because I miss my appointment? “The LORD is on my side;

I will not fear. What can man do to me?” (Ps 118:6). The overarching purpose of my life is to become more like Christ every day. God has a good purpose even in the midst of my trials (Rom 8:28-29). Finally, I had to make right choices and act in faith (Phil 4:9), for truth leads to action. My driving became less erratic and my attitude more patient (v. 5a). So I asked 89

my son, “Would you pray with daddy?” (vv. 5b-7). I treated others on the road with kindness even though I wanted to rush away. Then as I acted in faith, my feelings of anxiety began to diminish (e.g., Gen 4:3-8). Praise God, we didn’t get lost. We didn’t run out of gas. I made it to my first appointment slightly late and the second one actually cancelled on me. It all worked out. But even if it didn’t, God was doing something bigger in me.

Let’s personalize it

Now think about your personal struggle with anxiety. What is it that you worry about? What keeps you awake at night? Consider how to respond before, during, and after the experience of fear. • Before the fear strikes again, be sure you have repented of any known sin. “Whoever conceals his transgressions will not prosper, but he who confesses and forsakes them will obtain mercy” (Prov 28:13). • Seek forgiveness from anyone affected by your sinful anxiety (Matt 5:23-24). Maybe

you took it out on your family. Confess your sin to them. • Then ask God for help and determine to change (2 Cor 9:8). Start listing biblical truths to replace the lies of anxiety (Ps 119:59-60). Try to fashion these truths in the form of a prayer. For example, “God, I hate this trial, but would you help me to have joy in the midst of it?” (Jas 1:2-5).

• Memorize appropriate Scripture to help you be “transformed by the renewal of your mind” (Rom 12:2). You might carry verses around on index cards or put them on

your phone. Start with Psalm 56:3, “When I am afraid, I put my trust in you.” Or maybe 2 Timothy 1:7, “For God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control.” • Do a Bible study on God’s sovereignty (Gen 50:20; Isa 46:9-11; Jer 32:27; Rom 8:28) or on the sufficiency of his grace (Isa 41:10; 2 Cor 12:9; Heb 4:16).

• Grow in the fear of the Lord (Deut 31:11-12; Ps 34:11). Commit to obey and love him with all your heart (Deut 10:12, 20; Ps 119:2). Then be ready for the spiritual battle of taking every thought captive (2 Cor 10:5; 1 Pet 1:13). These are some of the steps you can take before fear strikes again. Sometimes we feel like fear comes out of nowhere. The anxiety attack is more like an ambush. More likely, however, we were spiraling downward for awhile. The experience of fear is only when we finally notice it. So we need to control our fears before they control us.

Now what about in the midst of the trial? What should we do during the fear experience itself? • First, like any other trial, seek the Lord. David cries, “I sought the LORD, and he answered me and delivered me from all my fears” (Ps 34:4; see 46:1-3). • Secondly, put off sinful fear (Eph 4:22). Stop the downward spiral immediately. Take courage from Isaiah 12:2, “Behold, God is my salvation; I will trust, and will not be afraid; for the LORD GOD is my strength and my song, and he has become my

salvation.” Ask yourself: “What am I fearing more than God? Are my thoughts headed in the wrong direction? Am I fixated on the future? On the temporary? On sinful lies? Are my thoughts focused on myself? Are they absent of God’s truths? Do I have a wrong view of my trials?” • Check for idolatry: “Do certain heart desires dominate my thoughts? I want this

terrible thing to never happen again. I want to get revenge. I want to control the situation (or the people in my life). I just want to take it easy. I want to escape. Have wrong desires become idolatrous? Do I fear the loss of those desires?”

• Put off sinful fear and check for idolatry, then put on trust, responsibility, and love. Focus on God and on his promises (Ps 18:1-2). Dwell on truths about God found in his Word (Eph 4:23). • Ask yourself the right thing to do: “What is my responsibility today? What is the most loving thing I can do right now? How can I constructively address my 91

problem?” In the midst of anxiety, practice putting off the old man and putting on the new. After the fear experience take some time to examine your soul. If you gave in to the temptation, then ask: “How did I specifically sin through my anxious thoughts or actions? If I had to face this again, what would I do differently?” • Confess any sinful anxiety and seek forgiveness (Jas 5:16; 1 John 1:9). Also confess any sinful response to anxiety: grumbling (Phil 2:14-15), anger (Eph 4:31-32),

hopelessness (Phil 1:6; 1 Cor 10:13), revenge (Rom 12:18-21). • Even if you did resist the temptation, reflect on your thoughts. Try to name your fear specifically: fear of death (Heb 3:16-19; 2:14; see Phil 1:20-24); fear of failure (Josh 1:8); fear of man (Prov 29:25; Ps 118:6-7; Matt 5:10-12; 10:19-31); fear unspoken (Ps 112:1, 7, 8); fear of losing control, self-esteem, possessions, power, love from others. Or maybe your fear is rooted in the past. Are there painful hurts in your past that contribute to your fears: abuse, divorce, abandonment, rejection, failure, a victim

mentality? If you are able to name the fear, then you are better prepared to face it the next time. • After you endure the trial, continue to study God’s character and attributes: He is loving (Rom 8:31-39), sovereign (Rom 8:28), all-knowing (Matt 10:28-31), all- powerful (Jer 32:17), unchanging and truthful (Num 23:19), ever-present (Ps 139:7-

12), wise (Rom 11:33), good (Ps 31:19), just (1 Pet 2:23), long-suffering (Exod 34:6- 7), and merciful (Lam 2:22-23). • Study God’s promises in Scripture. Maturing love focuses on God and drives out

tormenting fear (I John 4:18). For God will strengthen us and help us (Isa 41:10). God cares for us and will exalt us in due time when we trust in him (1 Pet 5:6-7). God will never leave or forsake us (Heb 13:5-6). God is our helper and will preserve us from all evil forever (Ps 121). We can trust God completely (Prov 3:1-26). • Reflect on the doctrines of grace and salvation: justification (Rom 8:33), progressive 92

sanctification (2 Pet 1:3-10), perseverance of the saints (John 10:27-29; Phil 1:6), union with Christ (Eph 5:30-32), forgiveness (Ps 103; 1 John 1:7-9, 2:12). • Read Christian biographies and heroic stories of the faith:11 the Israelites crossing the Red Sea (Exod 14:10-31); David defeating Goliath (1 Sam 17:1-51); Elijah on Mount Carmel (1 Kgs 18:20-19:8). • Journal your victories and the victories of others (2 Cor 1:3-4). Faith has a good memory (Ps 77:9-12). It provides a place to return when the storm strikes again.

• Remain in fellowship with believers in the church to gain encouragement, exhortation, and teaching (Heb 10:24-25). Anxiety is exacerbated by loneliness. • Then develop a servant’s heart (Phil 2:1-11). Get the focus off yourself. Look out for the interests of others. Make a list of certain people and how you can specifically serve them. “When pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with the humble is wisdom” (Prov 11:2). Anxious people are proud people. Pride focuses on protecting ourselves from disgrace, yet ironically that very pride leads into disgrace. We combat

anxiety by humbly serving others. Fear and anxiety are terrible foes, because they can enslave us in a cycle of sin or afflict us with terrible suffering. Our world has many techniques to cope with anxiety, but all of them are reductionistic. Only the full-orbed gospel reaches the heart. Jesus alone can take away your anxiety. For those whose hearts are heavy with a guilty conscience, the gospel promises forgiveness of sin. Jesus died to forgive you of sin. For those who struggle with emotions and relationships, “[Jesus] is a friend who sticks closer than a brother” (18:24b). You can fix your identity in him and not worry what other people are thinking. For those who strain beneath the physical effects of anxiety, “The fear of the LORD prolongs life” (10:27a). Jesus remains with you in your suffering. He

11 E.g., Elisabeth Elliot, Through Gates of Splendor (1957) or Hannah Hurnard, Hinds’ Feet on High Places (1955).

knows your painful struggle and promises a fearless future in the glories of heaven. For those who have lost their purpose, the gospel offers hope beyond this life: “We are God's children now, and what we will be has not yet appeared; but we know that when [Jesus] appears we shall be like him, because we shall see him as he is. And everyone who thus hopes in him purifies himself as he is pure” (1 John 3:2-3). Now Proverbs 13:12 states that “hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a desire fulfilled is a tree of life.” Outside of Proverbs, this “tree of life” is only found elsewhere in Genesis (2:9; 3:22) and Revelation (2:7; 22:2, 14, 19). When Adam and Eve sinned, God cast them from the garden and guarded the tree with “cherubim and a flaming sword” (Gen 3:24). So we are forbidden access to this tree until that glorious day when we are ushered into heaven. Anxiety reveals the longings of our hearts for the paradise that was and the paradise that is promised. We spend our lives chasing the tree of life—pursuing earthly desires that can never fulfill. Yet in the words of C. S. Lewis, “If we find ourselves with a desire that nothing in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that we were made for another world.”12 So we are reminded of another tree on which our Savior died: A tree of death for him, but a tree of life for us. God told the first Adam, “Obey me about the tree and live.” Yet he told the second Adam, “Obey me about the tree and give your life. You will be crushed in spirit.” Jesus was cursed upon the tree of death, so that we might partake of the tree of life (Gal 3:13). In him, we have all desires fulfilled. O all ye who passe by, behold and see; Man stole the fruit, but I must climbe the tree;

The tree of life to all, but onely me: Was ever grief like mine?13

12 C. S. Lewis, Mere Christianity (New York: HarperCollins), 135. 13 George Herbert, The Sacrifice (1633).

Life Application Study:

1. What physical effects of fear and anxiety have you experienced? How does the fear of man, a guilty conscience, or lack of purpose in life contribute to your anxiety? What is the danger of reducing our fears to only one of these factors?

2. Does anxiety ever keep you from serving God and serving others? What is it that you trust more than God? What has become the object of your worship? Confess any heart idolatry.

3. Meditate on Philippians 4:4-9. Pray rightly, think rightly, and act rightly through your personal struggle with anxiety.

4. What practical steps can you take before, during, and after the fear experience to help counteract anxiety? Write down specific biblical truths to remember about God’s character, his promises, and the doctrines of salvation.

Memory Verse

Proverbs 28:1 The wicked flee when no one pursues, but the righteous are bold as a lion.

Resources for Further Study: Mack, Wayne A., and Joshua Mack, Courage: Fighting Fear with Fear. Phillipsburg, NJ: P&R Publishing, 2014. Welch, Edward T. Running Scared: Fear, Worry, and the God of Rest. Greensboro, NC: New Growth Press, 2007.

ANGER: A SOFT ANSWER TURNS AWAY WRATH

I. Anger Can Be Good (Prov 14:16-17, 29; 15:18; 16:32; 19:11; 24:11)

II. Anger Can Be Bad (Prov 10:12; 12:18; 14:30; 17:14, 19; 18:19; 19:12, 19; 20:3; 22:10, 24-25; 26:17; 29:8, 11, 22; 30:33; Lev 19:17-18)

III. Anger Goes Deep (Prov 4:23; Jas 4:1-2)

IV. The Gospel Goes Deeper (Prov 15:1; 25:21; Eph 4:26-27, 30-31; Jas 1:19- 20)

In 2017, Colin Kaepernick was voted the most hated football player in America not because of his quarterbacking skills or for playing on the 49ers, but rather his refusing to stand for the national anthem. Fans would come to the games just to berate him. They brought signs telling him to leave the country. He received death threats and vulgar emails, yet for some he remained a hero. They were angry at the racial injustice against which he knelt in protest. They shouted that “Black Lives Matter” just as much as any others. Emotions swirled with police brutality, riots in the streets, senseless violence, anger against authorities, and fear on both sides. We have been studying topics from the book of Proverbs in hopes of demonstrating the everyday practicality of this book. Now we come to anger. We might get the feeling from a Sunday worship service that none of us struggles with the problem of anger. We all come to sing our songs. We wear our Sunday best and paste on smiles. Yet anger seizes us in the moments: A marriage tumbles into conflict; A child demands her way; The freeways fill with angry people during rush hour. We may have learned how to tamp it down—to act polite and civilized, yet anger too often takes control. The Proverbs help us understand the nature of anger and its source, while the rest of Scripture will serve to redeem it.

Anger Can Be Good

God’s righteous anger Do you know the most angry person in the Bible? It’s God!1 God is perpetually angry at sinners and their sin (Deut 32:41; Prov 1:26). Yet God’s anger is always righteous and his discernment always just. Anger is good in the hands of a holy God. Suppose that you and your son built a birdhouse as a family project. You drew up the plans together and cut the wood by hand. You sanded down the pieces and glued them into place. Your son painted the outside and together you hung it from a tree. Then in the following days you watched with your son as all manner of delightful birds frequented your birdhouse for their daily snack. But one morning, as you glance out of the window, you spot the snotty-nosed brat next door sneaking over the fence, baseball bat in hand. With one mighty swing, he smashes your birdhouse to smithereens like a wooden piñata. You would be on him in a flash. Why? Because he destroyed that which you loved. He violated your son’s creation. So also, God the Father gets angry when his precious children are threatened. He gets angry at sin—even the sin in us, because sin destroys. Sin mars God’s “very good” creation and the perfectly holy God gets angry at the perversion of his good creation. God’s anger arises from his love (1 John 4:8), for a God who never gets angry is not a God of love. Since God is the most loving person in the Bible, he is also the most angry at sin.

Man’s righteous anger? Now man can also exhibit righteous anger which imitates the righteous anger of God (Exod 32:19-20). In fact, it is sinful to never get angry. As John Chrysostom wisely states: “He who is angry without cause, sins. But he who is not angry when there

1 Twenty different Hebrew words alone refer to God’s indignation against evil. . . . We discover several hundred references to God’s anger in the Bible (Robert D. Jones, Uprooting Anger: Biblical Help for a Common Problem [Phillipsburg, NJ: P&R Publishing, 2005], 18).

is cause, sins. For unreasonable patience is the hotbed of many vices.” We cannot be indifferent and unmoved in the face of evil, for stoic apathy reveals lack of compassion. The biblical goal is not no anger, but slow anger which is controlled by the Spirit (Exod 34:6-7; Eph 4:26-27; Jas 1:19). “Whoever is slow to anger has great understanding, but he who has a hasty temper exalts folly” (Prov 14:29; see vv. 16-17; 15:18; 16:32; 19:11; Eccl 7:9).2 So grab the reins of your anger. Like a good horse, it must be bridled. Learn self-control (Gal 5:22-23), for love is not easily angered (1 Cor 13:5). Consider God who gets misjudged and misunderstood every single day. Yet he is ever-patient, slow to anger, knowing himself to be in the right. He lets people think what they like, until over time he can make them better and teach them his ways. When Moses asked God who he was, God replied, “I am loving and I am slow to anger” (see Exod 34:6-7). So how do we know if our anger is truly righteous like God’s?3 First, realize that it rarely is, but here are some questions we might ask: 1. What is the object of my anger? Righteous anger only reacts against actual sin. Am I

angry against sin as objectively defined in the Word of God? 2. What is the motive of my anger? Am I focused on God and his kingdom or on me, my rights, and my concerns? Righteous anger hates to see God offended, whereas sinful anger is self-centered. If you’re not sure about your motives, ask a friend to be objective.

3. What is the manner of my response? What qualities and speech do I use to express my anger? Righteous anger is patient, self-controlled, and seeks the well-being of others. Righteous anger doesn’t need to “win.” It loves its enemies and prays for

2 “In the nine occurrences of this Hebrew expression outside of its four occurrences in Proverbs (14:29; 15:18; 16:32; 25:15), it is always used with reference to God (Exod. 34:6–7; Num. 14:18; 2 Chr. 30:9; Neh. 9:17; Ps. 86:5, 15; Joel 2:13; Jon. 4:2; Nah. 1:3)” (Waltke, NICOT, 1:605). 3 David Powlison asks seven questions: Do you get angry about the right things? Do you express your anger in the right way? How long does your anger last? How controlled is your anger? What motivates your anger? Is your anger “primed and ready” to respond to another person’s habitual sins? What is the effect of your anger? (David Powlison, “Anger Part 1: Understanding Anger,” Journal of Biblical Counseling 14, no. 1 [1995]: 40-53).

those who persecute (Matt 5:44; Luke 6:27). It is productive anger as in Proverbs 24:11, “Rescue those who are being taken away to death; hold back those who are stumbling to the slaughter.” Consider Jonathan when his father, king Saul, tried to kill him with a spear (1 Sam 20:24-35). Saul’s sinful anger was kindled against his own son (vv. 30-31). He hurled insults at Jonathan and his mother, followed by a spear (v. 33). Yet Jonathan stood tall and rebuked his father: “Why should [David, the future king of Israel already anointed by God] be put to death? What has he done?” (v. 32b). Jonathan was righteous in his anger, yet he was angry for the sake of David, his friend. He was angry not for himself, but for his friend. He was angry at the sin of his father. He was angry for the glory of God and the continuance of God’s kingdom. So he expressed his anger with godly rebuke, then he went to help his friend in godly ways with godly wisdom. Anger can be good because righteous anger rises out of love for God and love for others. Yet we often think of anger as bad because most of the time our anger unrighteous.

Anger Can Be Bad We can have sinful hearts and sinful motives. Listen to the way Scripture defines anger: Sins of anger dominate “the works of the flesh” (Gal 5:19-21) and run counter to the fruit of the Spirit (vv. 22-23). Sinful anger displays a lack of self-control (Prov 17:27; 25:8; 29:11, 20). It is the natural state of fallen man: “For we ourselves were once foolish, disobedient, led astray, slaves to various passions and pleasures, passing our days in malice and envy, hated by others and hating one another” (Titus 3:3). For example, no one has to teach a child to throw a tantrum—to stiffen his body and scream at the top of his lungs. Babies don’t take Infant Rebellion 101. They are angry from birth if they don’t get what they desire. Sinful anger also involves the entire person: thoughts, affections, and choices. Anger in the heart becomes curses on the lips (Prov 4:23-24; see Matt 12:33-37; 15:17-

20; Luke 6:43-45). When we read about angry people in the Bible, they aren’t just thinking angry thoughts. They are killing every male child under two years old (e.g., Matt 2:16) and throwing innocent people into fiery furnaces (e.g., Dan 4). Sinful anger never accomplishes the righteous goals of God (Jas 1:19; Prov 11:23), although it sometimes points out where we need to change (14:8). Sinful anger unaddressed often results in even greater sin (29:22).

Anger revealed

Now sinful anger primarily comes in two different flavors: Anger revealed and anger concealed. Anger revealed can be described as ventilation: “A fool gives full vent to his spirit, but a wise man quietly holds it back” (Prov 29:11). This type of anger is common in a Western, self-dependent culture where everyone wants to assert their rights. It may involve yelling and screaming, punching holes in the wall and breaking furniture, telling someone off with insults and angry threats. Cathartically, we always feel better after “letting off some steam,” or “getting it off our chest” (even in an empty room or into an angst-muffling pillow). Yet that is only because giving in to temptation temporarily feels better than resisting it. Venting anger is foolish and sinful. For just because it makes you feel good, doesn’t make it right. As Frederick Buechner observes,

Of the seven deadly sins, anger is probably the most fun. To lick your wounds, smack your lips over grievances long past, roll over your tongue the prospect of bitter confrontation still to come, to savor to the last toothsome morsel both the pain you are given and the pain you are giving back—is a feast fit for a king. The chief drawback is that what you are wolfing down is yourself. The skeleton at the feast is you.4

Anger concealed On the other hand, anger concealed is internalized, but smoldering. This type of anger is common in the Eastern, family-centered culture where everyone tries to keep

4 Frederick Buechner, Wishful Thinking: A Theological ABC (New York: Harper & Row, 1973), 2.

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the peace. Ken Sande calls the first kind of anger, peace-breaking, but this second kind, peace-faking.5 Anger revealed takes it out on someone else, whereas anger concealed takes it out on yourself. But just because it makes you feel bad, doesn’t make it right. For concealers often shut down when life gets too hot. They turn moody and irritated, using the weapons of silent treatment and cold shoulders. They roll their eyes and flare their nostrils and glare holes through their opponent. Any aggression is passive-aggression. They just don’t want to talk about it. We find a warning in Leviticus 19, “You shall not hate your brother in your heart” (v. 17a). Don’t bottle up your hatred. Don’t harbor your anger. “But you shall reason frankly6 with your neighbor, lest you incur sin because of him. You shall not take vengeance or bear a grudge against the sons of your own people, but you shall love your neighbor as yourself: I am the LORD” (vv. 17b-18). Concealers often self-righteously think they are not angry so long as they never express it (e.g., Luke 15:28), yet they are self-deluded. Leviticus contrasts holding a grudge with loving your neighbor, then signs at the bottom: “I am the LORD”—the covenant God who does not ever harbor hatred (Ps 103:9; see Jer 3:5b, 12; Nah 1:3). Therefore, anger concealed is just as sinful, and often more dangerous, than anger revealed.

Sinful anger brings harm to yourself Whichever form it takes, sinful anger brings harmful consequences to yourself, to others, and to God. Sinful anger, first of all, brings harm to yourself: “A tranquil heart gives life to the flesh, but envy makes the bones rot” (Prov 14:30; see 3:7-8). Envy is a form of anger—wanting someone else’s life—not being happy with your own (27:4; e.g.,

Gen 26:14; 1 Sam 18:5-9).7 It also makes the bones rot, for a bad heart brings physical

5 Ken Sande, The Peacemaker: A Biblical Guide to Resolving Personal Conflict (Grand Rapids: Baker Books, 2004). 6 Literally, “Rebuke him rebukingly.”

7 The word actually describes a hot, passionate rage. Swindoll writes: “Like an angry, blind, half-starved rat prowling in the foul-smelling sewers below street level, so is the person caged within the suffocating radius of selfish jealousy” (Charles R. Swindoll, “Jealousy,” Insight for Living (blog), August 101

suffering. Centuries ago, the Puritan pastor Richard Baxter wrote what scientific research has recently proven: “Observe also what an enemy anger is to the body itself. It inflames the blood, and stirs up diseases, and breeds the strength of nature, and has cast many into acute, and many into chronical sicknesses, which have proved their death.”8 Modern physicians have observed the same correlation between anger and illness, hypertension and stroke, heart disease, gastric ulcers, and irritable bowels. Sinful anger is worse for your health than a regular diet of Twinkies.

Consider also Proverbs 19:19, “A man of great wrath will pay the penalty, for if you deliver him, you will only have to do it again.” If we sin in anger, we feel like a fool because we were a fool. A man who cannot govern his temper will pay the price. For example, Solomon’s son, Rehoboam, could not control his anger and lost the kingdom (1 Kgs 12). Or suppose you put a fist through the wall. The next day, you look up and see a gaping hole in the wall which will cost you time and money to repair, expense, and embarrassment. Perhaps now you have a broken hand along with medical bills and days lost at work. A true friend will not bail you out, but will let you reap the painful consequences until you admit your need for help. Sinful anger reveals our folly (see Prov 20:3) and often brings us shame (25:8-10).

Sinful anger damages relationships Sinful anger also damages relationships. Anger threatens the unity of the church and causes division.9 It intimidates one’s subordinates: “A king's wrath is like the growling of a lion, but his favor is like dew on the grass” (19:12; see 16:14-15; 20:2).

People might respect an angry boss, but they don’t invite him out for happy hour. Anger

5, 2017, accessed October 16, 2017, https://www.insight.org/resources/daily- devotional/individual/jealousy). 8 Richard Baxter, The Practical Works o Richard Baxter in Four Volumes, vol. 1, A Christian Directory (Ligonier, PA: Soli Deo Gloria, 1990), 284. 9 The command to deal with anger in Ephesians 4:26-27 and Colossians 3:8 emerge from the broader contexts of “one another” relationships (Eph 4:1-6; 4:25-5:2; Col 3:5-17).

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might cause us to lose a friend: “A brother offended is more unyielding than a strong city, and quarreling is like the bars of a castle” (18:19). Ever argue with a friend? Unresolved conflict imprisons each of you in your own separate fortress. For example, when the prodigal son returned, his older brother “was angry and refused to go in” (e.g., Luke 15:28). In anger, he cut himself off from his family and the joyous celebration. He refused to speak with his brother or his dad. He closed himself off with anger concealed. Anger removes us from relationship with others, but also removes others from us. According to Proverbs 12:18a, “There is one whose rash words are like sword thrusts.” You might look for friends a party, but you keep your distance from the drunken samurai. If there’s a crazy guy swinging swords, you stay far, far away. So also, people avoid the one who speaks rashly. They heed the warning: “Make no friendship with a man given to anger, nor go with a wrathful man, lest you learn his ways and entangle yourself in a snare” (22:24-25). We become like those we hang around. We are influenced by our companions.

Anger also harms our relationship with family. For example, our children often breathe our second-hand anger.10 I was at my son’s back-to-school night and one of the kids had made a drawing with the entire page scribbled in red crayon. The teacher asked, “What’s that a picture of?” The little boy answered, “It’s my mommy. She’s really, really mad.” It’s a funny story, but a sad reality as anger destroys many families from within.

Sinful anger leads to other sins “A man of wrath stirs up strife, and one given to anger causes much transgression” (29:22; see 3:30; 10:12; 17:14; 22:10; 26:17, 21; 30:33). Some proverbs tells us that sin leads to anger (17:19), but 29:22 tells us that anger leads to sin. Anger is a

10 In the “Ask the Children” survey, researcher Ellen Galinsky interviewed more than a thousand children in grades three through twelve. Parents scored the lowest on anger management as more than 40 percent of kids gave their moms and dads a C, D, or F on controlling their temper (Bryan D. Caplan, Selfish Reasons to Have More Kids [New York: Basic Books, 2011], 32-33).

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gateway sin which leads to all other kinds of sin. For example, some people get drunk to mellow out. They medicate their rage. One single man spoke of using porn as a “temper tantrum at God for not giving me a wife.” More than one young woman has moved in with a boyfriend to get back at her parents: “That’ll show them!” “One given to anger causes much transgression.”

Sinful anger hinders our relationship with God According to 29:8, “Scoffers set a city aflame, but the wise turn away wrath.”

Sinful anger damages relationships. It brings harm to ourselves, but anger most terribly diminishes the glory of God when we mistreat God like we mistreat those around us. Consider the Israelites who were angry at God about Moses, God’s chosen leader. Sinful anger defies the sovereign God: “I don’t like what you’re doing to me. I don’t want the life you offer. Aren’t you supposed to please me?” Sinful anger demonstrates a lack of trust: “I don’t believe you are the fountain of life who will turn me away from the snares of death” (14:27). Sinful anger tries to replace the Lord as God and King: “I could do better. Here’s what I would do if I were placed in charge.” “The fear of the LORD is the beginning of wisdom, and the knowledge of the Holy One is insight” (9:10). Yet sinful anger hinders our prayer life and communion with God (Ps 66:18). It exposes us to divine judgment (Matt 5:21-22). It keeps us from the God who is good and sovereign and loving, for those who do not fear the Lord are fools without the Lord. It is never right to be angry with God because anger accuses God of injustice or wrongdoing. Being angry at God is a moral judgment declaring that God has sinned (e.g., 1 Chr 13:11-12). Anger elevates us to be the Judge (Jas 4:11-12): “God, you should have done this,” or “You should have done that!” Certainly, we can bring questions before God with a heart of faith, but we must not accuse him of wrongdoing. So we read in James 1:19-20, “Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger; for the anger of man does not produce the

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righteousness of God.” The most harmful consequence of anger is not high blood pressure or high divorce rates, but that anger diminishes a high view of the glory of God (Eph 4:26-31).

Anger Goes Deep Anger can be good and anger can be bad, but ultimately anger is rooted in our hearts. Our problem is that we simply try to get rid of anger instead of dealing with the source. Every therapy and home remedy seeks to eliminate anger: “Calm down. Chill out.

Cool off. Breath deep. Count to ten. Take a lap. Be mindful. Do yoga. Scream into a pillow.” Ancient Israelites would sometimes give bribes (Prov 21:14) or cast lots to settle a quarrel (18:18). Frank Castanza spent a whole Seinfeld episode shouting, “Serenity now!” We have all kinds of ways to dissipate anger, when in fact, the problem is not the anger itself, but the reason we are angry. What’s going on in the heart? (see Mark 7:20- 23; Matt 5:21-22; 1 John 3:15). As Proverbs 4:23 reminds us, “Keep your heart with all vigilance, for from it flow the springs of life.” Guard your heart, because that’s where the anger starts and that’s where the anger is uprooted.

Examine the heart According to Augustine our problem is disordered loves, which then produce disordered anger. Our problem is when good desires become ultimate desires. For example, think about the last time you were driving on the freeway and some crazy jerk cut you off. What did you do? How did you respond? Did you handle it well? Imagine you were snubbed by a stray remark or someone didn’t acknowledge you at a party. Did you feel angry about the way you were treated? Then consider your response when a 13- year old boy with a toy gun in his hand is fatally shot by police. What about the little girl forced into slavery by the Boko Haram? We watch the news and our outrage only lasts until the next story comes on screen. Why is this true? Why do we get so disproportionately angry about the little things in life, yet barely blink at the atrocities 105

taking place in other parts of the world? Why are we so angry when the offense happens to us? Because anger reveals our disordered loves. Anger reveals the misplaced object of our faith, hope, and love. We care more about ourselves than others. When we get to the bottom of anger, it usually reveals our selfish desires. Proverbs 17:19 strikes at the prideful heart: “Whoever loves transgression loves strife; he who makes his door high seeks destruction.” In other words, quarrels are caused by quarrelsome people (22:10; 26:21), but the heart of the matter is pride (13:10). “Making your door high” might be a symbol for a haughty spirit like building your house on the most elevated piece of real estate with massive columns and 360 degrees of bay windows. Very often, the angry person struggles with a proud heart. Anger has simply become a way to defend pride.

Examine the Scriptures Consider some examples from Scripture: Cain murdered his brother in anger because God had chosen Abel’s offering over his (e.g., Gen 4:4-5). He thought God to be unjust and desired God’s favor. Esau plotted his revenge and held a grudge against his trickster brother, Jacob. At stake was the inheritance and the honor of the family (e.g., Gen 27). Rachel’s anger stemmed from jealousy against her sister who was bearing children when she could not (e.g., Gen 30:1). Then Jacob, her husband, responded angrily in order to silence her nagging (v. 2). His heart desire was peace and comfort in the home. Balaam beat and cursed his donkey—a witless beast, claiming, “You have made a fool of me!” (e.g., Num 22:29). Then remember how Saul tried to kill his own son, because he was angry at Jonathan and David and, by extension, God for taking away his kingdom (e.g., 1 Sam 20). Jonah cared more about a shady weed, than the 120,000 Ninevites spared from the wrath of God (e.g., Jon 4:6-11). The Pharisees were angry that Jesus ignored their religious rules (e.g., John 9:16). The silver workers in Ephesus were enflamed at Paul out of love for money (e.g., Acts 19; see 1 Tim 6:10). Anger is all throughout the Bible and everyone has a different motive, but it always boils down to

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selfish desires (Jas 4:1-2a; see 3:17-18). You shout at your kids. You stonewall your spouse. You write up nasty emails and send them with a vengeance. Cravings create conflicts. We became angry because we want what we want when we want it. We worship idolatrous desires in our hearts. They might even be good desires, but they are inordinate, ruling desires. And good desires that are ruling desires have become bad desires.

Examples of Anger in Scripture

Sinful Behavior Controlling Heart Motive

Cain murdered Abel (Gen 4:4-8) Pride in God’s favor

Esau plotted revenge (Gen 27) Bitter unforgiveness against Jacob

Rachel accused her husband (Gen 30:1) Jealousy over Leah’s fertility

Jacob accused his wife (Gen 30:2) Comfort and peace in the home

Balaam beat his donkey (Num 22:29) Greed for profit

Saul tried to kill his own son (1 Sam 20) Fear of losing his kingdom

Jonah griped about the weed (Jon 4:6-11) Hatred of Ninevites

The Pharisees rebuked Jesus (John 9:16) Power and control through religious laws

Ephesians rioted against Paul (Acts 19) Love for money

Examine your home So what are some different heart motivations for anger? Let’s bring it closer to home. Say you have a teenage daughter who gets explosively angry about everything.

Her anger holds the entire house hostage. She yells at dad. Dad yells right back. Mom cringes in despair. Little brother tries to steer clear, but if she gets too close he uses anger as a defense mechanism. What’s going on? Some would call it hormones. Others speculate trauma in her past or the bad examples on TV. Still more suggest parental neglect, chemical imbalance, or even satanic activity: “She has the demon of anger.” Yet

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Scripture says she has disordered loves in her heart: “What causes quarrels and what causes fights among you? Is it not this, that your passions—[your heart desires] are at war within you?” (Jas 4:1-2). She wants independence from her parents—a good thing in its proper time. She wants her own way, but gets frustrated because she still relies on her parents’ provision. A teenage girl doesn’t have money, or a job, or a house, so she uses the currency of anger to manipulate her family into giving her what she wants. Dad just wants peace and quiet—a little bit of comfort. He’s had a hard day at work and an overbearing boss. He doesn’t want heaven on earth, just an uninterrupted episode of ESPN. So returning anger for anger is the easiest way to get the comfort he wants. Mom just wants a happy family. She’ll do anything to help her family get along. That’s why she cringes when they fight. She doesn’t know whose side to take. She’s angry at them all, but keeps it bottled up inside. Little brother is fearful. He lives in his sister’s shadow, tiptoeing around the volcano, never knowing when she’ll erupt. But he’s learned that one way to throw her off balance is to strike preemptively. When he sees the steam start to whistle, he accuses her outrageously then runs away before she can remember why she was upset. We all engage in sinful anger to appease our idols. Anger reveals our disordered love, therefore anger is a form of worship.

So what’s important to you? What desires rule your heart? Will you sin in order to get it? Will you sin if it’s withheld? If so, you have an idol. Pay attention to your anger. This week, I encourage you to journal every instance of anger you experience.

1. Write down what happened. Summarize the situation. 2. Admit you were angry—that you lost control: “Like a city that is broken into and without walls is a man who has no control over his spirit” (Prov 25:28, NAU). 3. Then ask yourself: “What did I say, and do, and feel at those times?” Summarize your words, behavior, and emotions (especially when they were sinful). Examine your 108

anger: “What were my thoughts and desires at the time? What was I wanting that led to my anger? What was I defending?” 4. Then repent not just for sinful anger, but also your sinful heart desires (28:13). If I get angry and yell at my wife it’s not enough for me to say, “Honey, I’m sorry. I yelled at you in anger. Will you forgive me?” Most of us think that’s enough, but it’s not enough. I need to go deeper: “God, I was angry at my wife because I expected her to do this or that. I recognize now those idolatrous desires and I repent of letting them

rule my heart.” If you’re going to pluck the weed, you’ve got to reach the root. So don’t waste your anger. Don’t just throw it in the trash. Pay attention and your anger will help you root out the idols of your heart.

The Gospel Goes Deeper Anger reaches our deepest roots, yet thankfully the gospel goes deeper. There’s a dangerous teaching both in the church and in the world that our greatest problem is anger at ourselves. I hear it all the time: “I know that God has forgiven me, but I just can’t forgive myself.” The world might not use the word “forgive,” but they’ll say things like, “I just can’t accept myself. I just can’t love myself.” Yet this concept of forgiving oneself merely propagates a false gospel. It makes me simultaneously criminal, judge, and savior. Instead of declaring, “I have sinned against the standard of a holy God and his objective Word,” this false gospel claims: “I have sinned against myself. I have fallen short of my own standards or the standards of someone who means more to me than God.” The true gospel reminds me that God is Judge—that I am a sinner not because I say so, but because he says so. The gospel also reminds me that I cannot save myself or forgive myself. Thanks be to God, however, I do not need to forgive myself. For Jesus alone is the Way, the Truth, and the Life. No one comes to the Father, but by him (John 14:6). So how do we receive healing from anger? Admit it. Examine it. Repent of it

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both in root and in fruit. Finally, let God transform your sinful anger. The Proverbs are good at this. In 15:1, “A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” Abigail’s response to David was so much wiser than her foolish husband Nabal (1 Sam 25). In Proverbs 15:18, “A hot-tempered man stirs up strife, but he who is slow to anger quiets contention.” Also 25:21, “If your enemy is hungry, give him bread to eat, and if he is thirsty, give him water to drink” (see 24:17-18). And 16:32, “Whoever is slow to anger is better than the mighty, and he who rules his spirit than he who takes a city.”

Put off anger and put on Christ Bottom line, we must first put off the sin of anger. “Refrain from anger, and forsake wrath!” (Ps 37:8a). “But now you must put them all away: anger, wrath, malice, slander, and obscene talk from your mouth” (Col 3:8). Put off anger, then focus on character qualities and actions to put on in place of anger:11 self-control (Prov 16:32; 25:28; 29:11; Gal 5:23), godly speech (Prov 10:19-21, 31-32; 12:18; 15:1; Eph 4:25-32), and biblical peacemaking (Matt 5:9; Rom 12:18;

14:19).

Prepare for the next battle Then establish a battle plan for resisting temptation: Here are some things you can do before the anger comes again.

1. Review the gospel daily. 2. Think of God’s righteous anger toward your sin. 3. Confess any past sins of anger to God and to others (Matt 5:23-24).

4. Pray for God’s gracious help in future situations (2 Cor 9:8). 5. Then study the Proverbs on pride and anger, humility and gentleness. 6. Reflect on God’s patience and long-suffering throughout Scripture (Num 14:18; Ps

11 Jones, Uprooting Anger, 91.

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145:8; 2 Tim 2:15). 7. Memorize appropriate verses (Eph 4:26-27, 31-32; Jas 1:19-20). 8. Write out certain biblical thoughts that will replace wrong ones (Rom 12:2). Be transformed by the renewal of your mind before temptation comes. 9. Practice putting on loving and humble thoughts and actions (John 13:35; 1 Cor 13:4- 7; 1 Pet 5:5). 10. Determine godly goals and desires such as loving God and loving others (Ps 40:8; 1

Cor 10:31). 11. Be alert, ready to exercise self-control and to change your thinking (1 Pet 1:13). 12. Ask mature believers to hold you accountable for anger—to pray for you and counsel you (Gal 6:1-2; Heb 10:24-25). 13. Do not associate with angry people unless they too are seeking change (Prov 22:24). Avoid unnecessary temptations to anger. Remove yourself, if possible, from explosive situations.

Think of this as basic training before you engage your anger in battle. Most of us wrongly think that anger is uncontrollable—that it takes us by surprise. We think anger is an overwhelming feeling that happens to us, when in fact, it is something we actively do. Picture an army lounging around in beach chairs or so busy with paperwork that it doesn’t have time to prepare for battle. When the enemy arrives, they are surprised and slaughtered. The remnant who remain are forced to pick up the pieces. That passivity describes our typical battle with our anger. Instead, we must be prepared before the fight.

Resist temptation to anger Next, consider what to do when you are tempted to anger or feel yourself beginning to get angry. Pray for God’s help and remind yourself that you are living for God’s glory (Heb 4:16; 1 Cor 10:31; 2 Cor 5:9). Put off your anger (Prov 14:17): “What was I wanting so badly? How were my thoughts and desires wrong?” Put on gentleness,

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patience, and humility (Prov 16:32; Jas 1:19): “What new thoughts should I be thinking? What is the right goal for right now? How can I be patient and think of others? How can I serve God and the people around me? Is there something productive I can do about this problem?” For example, replace your sinful anger with godly speech that ministers to others (Eph 4:25, 29; Prov 10:11a, 13a, 20a, 21a, 31a, 32a; 12:18b, 25b).12 Recall Scripture you have memorized and allow it to transform your thoughts. During this spiritual battle, continually put off sin and put on Christ until you can claim the victory.

Recovering after sinful anger Finally, if you do fall and become sinfully angry, learn how to address it afterward. Deal with it as soon as possible. Paul counsels, “Do not let the sun go down on your anger” (Eph 4:26b). Ask yourself: “How did I sin?” Be specific about your wrong thinking, wrong actions, wrong desires, or lack of love (Ps 32:5; Jas 5:16): “What would you do or think differently the next time you are tempted?” Reflect on the gospel truths of your forgiveness in Christ (1 John 1:9) and the grace to keep on growing (Phil 1:6).

Confess your sin and ask forgiveness of God and anyone else impacted by your anger. Tell God and others what you plan to do in the future instead (Ps 119:59-60). Then be on guard once again (Eph 4:26-27; 1 Pet 5:8). Continue to prayerfully study God’s Word and prepare your heart for battle. Consider again that family torn apart by anger. Mom begins to realize that she’s made an idol of a happy family. She was afraid of what her friends might think and especially her own mother. So mom repents of her desire to please others. She repents for elevating happiness over holiness. She realizes that instead of sighing in frustration when her teenage daughter marches from the room, she must speak the truth in love with surgical precision: “Better is open rebuke than hidden love” (Prov 27:5-6; Matt 18:15;

12 The four rules of communication: Be honest (Eph 4:25); Keep current (vv. 26-27); Attack problems, not people (vv. 29-30); Act; don’t react. Control your emotions (vv. 31-32).

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Luke 17:3b-4). She should be angry at her daughter’s anger, not simply because it harms her idealistic picture of the family, but because her daughter is on a foolish path of destruction. Mom’s anger must flow out of love as she embarks on a rescue mission to help her daughter. Dad admits his words were unkind and traces it back to his desire for peace and quiet. He realizes that even when he wins the shouting match, everyone still loses. So he takes responsibility for his rash words. He does not blame it on his work or his boss or even his daughter. Yes, they know how to push his buttons, but those buttons are still his buttons. He and mom begin to pray together—to seek the God who gives more grace (Jas 4:6). He skips ESPN that night so he can talk with his daughter. He asks her, “What’s going on? Why are you so upset? What were you wanting and thinking at those times when you got angry?” He gently probes until he can understand her heart’s desires. That angry young woman begins to realize what she’s doing to the family. So she repents of her self-centered attitude. She tells God, “I don’t want this family to be all about me. I know that being a disciple of Jesus means denying myself and following him” (Mark 8:34). She still has feelings of anger and sometimes she slips, but now she knows where it comes from. She understands her heart’s desires. She has learned to repent of sinful anger. She has learned to slow it down. Little brother observes the change and his parents help him recognize the fear in his own heart. It doesn’t have to be fight or flight. He can do the right thing instead. So the next time sister snaps, he turns away her wrath with a gentle answer (Prov 15:1). He figuratively gives her bread to eat and water to drink. He returns her anger with kindness.

He approaches her with an attitude of forgiveness (Mark 11:25). Then strangely, he is no longer afraid. For not only does his righteous response seem to work most of the time, but the fear of man is no longer a snare: “Whoever trusts in the LORD is safe” (Prov 29:25; see 28:1b). Righteous anger reveals the gospel at work. For we started by declaring that 113

anger can be good when it is righteous indignation at clear moral evil. God’s anger rises out of love, for he hates the poison in our hearts. He is lovingly angry at our sin and promises that “the expectation of the wicked [ends] in wrath” (11:23b; see John 3:36). Therefore, the Father poured out his wrath upon our sin. We would have died if not for Christ who took that wrath upon himself. He stood in our place and bore the cross on our behalf. In love, God poured out wrath upon his Son. In love, our Savior died. In love, we were set free from slavery and certain death. Our Savior hated sin, but spoke the truth in love: “Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do” (Luke 23:34a). God’s loving anger does not stop there with our salvation. No, he seeks to root out sin from every aspect of our lives. He dwells in us through the power of his Spirit (Isa 11:2) and illuminates his Word to light our way (Ps 119:105; Prov 2:1-8). He surrounds us with fellow believers who encourage us in the faith (Heb 10:24-25). He disciplines his children out of love (Prov 3:11-12; Heb 12). He will not tolerate our sin. In love, God not only forgives, but also changes sinners. In love, he absorbs our disordered anger without reviling in return (1 Pet 2:23), thus allowing us to do the same for others. God then directs his anger not only at the sin in our life, but also at those who sin against us. Perhaps you’re still angry at someone who has sinned against you. You can’t let go of bitterness. Take comfort that God hates the wicked who oppress the righteous. He hates to see his children suffer. Therefore, God’s loving anger will right all wrongs. He will register final justice for the evildoers: “Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, ‘Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord’” (Rom 12:19; Prov 24:29). In love, God rescues us from the fallenness of others. So look to Jesus who absorbs the anger of those whom he forgives. Why make them pay for sin again?13 The gospel reminds us of God’s loving anger

13 Becky Pippert recounts a psychology class at Harvard where she asked how psychotherapy can help us to forgive. The professor replied that psychology can only teach you how to deal with issues: “If looking for a changed heart, you are looking in the wrong department you are.” (Rebecca Manley Pippert, Hope Has Its Reasons: The Search to Satisfy Our Deepest Longings [Downers Grove, IL: 114

against our sin and the loving anger we must have against the sin of others.

Life Application Study: Consider the last time you were angry and ask these eight questions:

1. What was the situation?

2. How did I react?

3. What were my motives?

4. What were the consequences?

5. What is true?

6. How can I turn to God for help?

7. How should I respond in this situation to glorify God?

8. What are the consequences of faith and obedience?

InterVarsity Press, 2001], 118-19). Psychology can help us understand hate, but it cannot help us to forgive. Forgiveness requires spiritual power.

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Memory Verse

Proverbs 15:1 A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.

Resources for further study: Jones, Robert D. Uprooting Anger: Biblical Help for a Common Problem. Phillipsburg, NJ: P&R Publishing, 2005. Powlison, David. Good & Angry: Redeeming Anger, Irritation, Complaining, and Bitterness. Greensboro, NC: New Growth Press, 2016. Priolo, Lou. The Heart of Anger: Practical Help for Prevention and Cure of Anger in Children. Amityville, NY: Calvary Press, 1998.

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TRUTH AND DECEPTION: AN HONEST ANSWER KISSES THE LIPS

I. The Liar’s Creator (Prov 8:15-16; 11:1; 12:22; 17:15; 20:8; 23:10-11; 24:26; 28:4-5; 29:26; Num 23:19)

II. The Liar’s Deception (Prov 3:28-29; 6:12, 16-19; 12:17, 20; 19:22; 20:14; 23:6-8; 26:23-26, 28; 31:8-9)

III. The Liar’s Destiny (Prov 12:19; 17:20; 19:5; 20:17; 21:12; 25:18; 29:12, 14)

IV. The Liar’s Redemption (Eph 4:21b-25)

There was an old game show: To Tell the Truth in which three actors would stand on stage and try to convince the contestant that they were real while the other two were imposters. Each actor had a chance to tell his story. Each was convincing and winsome as the contestant questioned them one-by-one. Then at the end of the show, after the contestant had made a selection, the host would say, “Will the real person please stand up?” All three actors would go through a series of humorous gyrations—each one alternately pretending to stand until the person telling the truth finally stood alone. Honesty is the next topic in our series from the book of Proverbs to demonstrate the everyday wisdom in God’s Word. Now many may think: “That’s easy! Truth is good. Lying is bad. Thou shalt not tell a lie.” Even secular society seems to agree. We all know of Pinocchio—the wooden puppet whose nose would grow every time he told a falsehood. We heard young Washington declare: “I cannot tell a lie”

(although ironically, that anecdote was myth). Every child learns the morality tales of The Boy Who Cried Wolf and The Emperor’s New Clothes. And parents have warned their children throughout the ages: “Lying lips are an abomination to the Lord” (Prov 12:22a) before their young minds even knew what an abomination was. This reminds me of the little boy whose mother asked him, “Can you tell me what a lie is?” The child replied

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with confidence: “A lie is an abomination to the Lord and a present help in time of trouble.” Honesty undergirds commandment 9 of 10: “You shall not bear false witness against your neighbor” (Exod 20:16). So this truth seems absolutely straightforward. Yet still, we find ourselves lying all the time. Every day, we utter words that aren’t exactly truthful. Our lives presented a faded picture of reality. How long would be our wooden noses? Politicians need fact-checking. Handshakes no longer close a contract. Many husbands and wives sadly cannot trust each other. Good parenting especially requires a healthy dose of skepticism. When I ask my boys, “Who did this?” I always get a healthy chorus of, “Not me.” As Winston Churchill purportedly stated: “Men occasionally stumble on the truth, but most of them pick themselves up and hurry off as if nothing had happened.” I look at my own life, with sorrow, as I recall the multiple occasions when I did not tell the truth. We desperately need this message from the Proverbs because telling the truth is not mere behavior modification or changing the way we think. It goes even deeper to the gospel transformation of our hearts. This gospel always begins with God, therefore, our path to truth-telling must begin with the honesty of God.

The Liar’s Creator Our God is a God of truth! “God is not man, that he should lie, or a son of man, that he should change his mind. Has he said, and will he not do it? Or has he spoken, and will he not fulfill it?” (Num 23:19). “It is impossible for God to lie” (Heb 6:18; see Titus 1:2). The Proverbs uniquely describe the honesty of God by exalting his perfect justice. For truth applies to the everyday context: the context of the courtroom, the marketplace, and the home.

In the courtroom The Proverbs called for honesty in the setting of the court: “Whoever speaks the truth gives honest evidence, but a false witness utters deceit” (12:17; see 14:5, 25; 118

24:28). Remember the false witnesses who condemned Naboth to death so that Ahab could steal his vineyard (e.g., 1 Kgs 21). Recall those who falsely accused our Lord before the Jewish authorities (e.g., Mark 14:55-59). According to Proverbs 14:25, “A truthful witness saves lives, but one who breathes out lies is deceitful.” Proverbs also calls for righteous judges: “He who justifies the wicked and he who condemns the righteous are both alike an abomination to the LORD” (17:15; see 18:5; 20:22; 21:15; 24:17-18; 28:16). God implores us to get justice right, for he hates when the wicked are pardoned and the righteous condemned. He promises that “the truth will out.”1 For example, “Do not move an ancient landmark or enter the fields of the fatherless, for their Redeemer is strong; he will plead their cause against you” (23:10-11; see 22:28). Ancient landmarks functioned as property lines in a time before fences, yet wicked oppressors would steal land from defenseless orphans by moving those boundary stones when no one was looking. Corrupt kings and courts would turn their backs and allow this to happen. So the Lord himself promises to act on behalf of the fatherless. He would be their strong Redeemer—the rescuer of the weak (Ps 68:5). According to Proverbs 29:26, “Many seek the face—[or the favor] of a ruler, but it is from the LORD that a man gets justice.”

In the marketplace Consider also the marketplace: “A false balance is an abomination to the

LORD, but a just weight is his delight” (11:1; see 16:11; 20:10, 23). Charles Bridges asked, “Is it not a solemn thought, that the eye of God marks all our common dealings of life, either as an abomination or a delight?”2 Picture going to buy two ephahs-worth of grain in the ancient marketplace. On one side of the scale balance, the merchant places

1 William Shakespeare, The Merchant of Venice (1605). 2 Charles Bridges, An Exposition of the Book of Proverbs (New York: Robert Carter, 1847), 99.

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two stones, each weighing an ephah. On the other side, he pours out grain until the scale balances out. The problem is that deceitful merchants would carry in their pouches differing weights to gain an advantage. They would use the heavy stones if they were buying and the lighter ones if they were selling (Deut 25:13).3 Maybe they even hollowed out one of the stones and filled it with clay. This is the gas station owner who adds a few pennies per gallon to the price listed at the pump. This is the realtor who doesn’t mention the house’s broken plumbing in order to make a sale. These are the high-interest payday loans which prey on the poor. Yet such dishonest measures were an abomination to the Lord: “Don’t cheat your fellow man and so dishonor the Lord.” For notice who it hurts the most: Not the educated who can smell deceit or the strong who can take care of themselves. No, it takes advantage of the weak: the child buying grain for his mother or the widow whose eyesight is failing. We must seek justice because our God is just. As God commanded his people: “You shall do no wrong in judgment, in measures of length or weight or quantity.

You shall have just balances, just weights, a just ephah, and a just hin: I am the LORD your God, who brought you out of the land of Egypt. And you shall observe all my statutes and all my rules, and do them: I am the LORD” (Lev 19:35-37). Why was Israel called to justice in the marketplace? Why are we called to honesty in our business practices? Because God is God. He is the Lord—the sovereign, eternal, all-powerful, all- knowing, covenant Creator of his people. God is just, so we seek justice. Not only that, but he assures Israel: “I am the LORD your God. I am for you. I am with you. All of my strength and power and wisdom and might are on your side. You need not cheat to get ahead. Remember this: I am the LORD your God, who brought you out of the land of

3 Stones for each weight would often be carved in the shape of animals for easy recognition, thus adding to the deception. “This teaching was especially necessary because of the crude tools for measuring used in the ancient Near East. Ancient balances had a margin of error of up to 6 percent, and few Hebrew weights having the same inscribed denomination have proved to be of exactly identical weight” (Waltke, NICOT, 1:483).

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Egypt. I am the saving God, who rescued you from slavery. I sent ten plagues to humiliate the gods of Egypt. I am the pillar of cloud by day and the pillar of fire by night. I opened the Red Sea for you to march through and brought those walls of water crashing down on the Egyptian army. Do you really need to cheat your neighbor to pad your income? Do you think I can’t provide?” So also today, God assures his people: “I sent my Son, Jesus Christ, to rescue you from slavery to sin—the second and greater Exodus. I demonstrated power to destroy the idols in your heart. I am your Protection from the blistering heat of your trials in life. I am the Light who guides your way through the valley of the shadow of death. I opened the way to the promised land and conquered your enemies on the cross. I am the Lord your God. I am for you and I am with you. So how can you cheat on your tax returns? How can you steal from your workplace? How can you lie to your neighbor? How can you spend money on yourself behind your spouse’s back? Do you not believe that I will provide?” Our perfectly just God knows the truth about the righteous and the wicked. He knows the truth about our business practices. He knows the truth which defends the fatherless and the weak. For some that is a comfort, but to others a dreadful fear. No matter the case, God remains our standard of truth and justice. Although we live in a fallen world, we (and everyone around us) are measured not by our own standards, but by the standards of a perfectly holy God.

In leadership In the beginning, God created man in his own image (Gen 1:26-27). Therefore in the Proverbs, God calls leaders to reflect his truth and justice to the people. Godly leaders uphold the righteous. For example, “A king who sits on the throne of judgment winnows all evil with his eyes” (Prov 20:8; see v. 26; 24:23b-24). Winnowing was an agricultural term, for leaders were like farmers who ground up the harvested grain, then tossed it skyward until the wind carried away the worthless chaff as the heavier grains

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fell to the ground. Winnowing was hard work. So also, leaders must labor to discern between good and evil. They must also be righteous themselves: “Evil men do not understand justice, but those who seek the LORD understand it completely” (28:5; see v. 4; 29:7). Justice is of greater importance to the righteous than the wicked, because the righteous are seeking to emulate a just God. The righteous want to do God’s will. Even when the righteous sin, they are convicted by the truth. Thus Wisdom calls out: “By me kings reign, and rulers decree what is just; by me princes rule, and nobles, all who govern justly” (8:15-16). Leaders need wisdom to govern justly and discernment to see as God sees. Thus godly leaders judge truth from error on the basis of God’s Word through the wisdom of God’s Spirit. Leaders must especially seek justice for the poor and the weak who cannot defend themselves. Those in power must use their power to serve the ones without. As king Lemuel’s mother taught him: “Open your mouth for the mute, for the rights of all who are destitute. Open your mouth, judge righteously, defend the rights of the poor and needy” (31:8-9; see 13:23). Speak for those who have no voice. So “if a king faithfully judges the poor, his throne will be established forever” (29:14; see 28:16). God honors the king when the king honors God. Rulers reflect the image of God by displaying truth and justice.

In the community

Certainly all God’s people, however, not just leaders, must reflect God’s image. “Whoever gives an honest answer kisses the lips” (24:26). An honest answer blesses the hearer like a kiss which signifies closeness, companionship, and trust. Godly parents bless their children by speaking the truth in love as we instruct and discipline. We all reflect the image of God by upholding truth and justice. Yet the Proverbs also warn against deception in the community: “A worthless person, a wicked man, goes about with crooked speech” (6:12). Of the “six things that the

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LORD hates, seven that are an abomination to him,” two are “a lying tongue, and . . . a false witness who breathes out lies” (vv. 16-19). The predominant characteristic of the wicked is that they do not tell the truth.

The Liar’s Deception God was the first person to speak in the garden of Eden, for he spoke the universe into existence (e.g., Gen 1:3). He spoke beauty into the garden and wisdom into the hearts of Adam and Eve. He counseled them how they were to live. Yet soon after,

God’s voice was not alone. In Genesis 3, the serpent spoke with the voice of Satan. The first lie echoed loudly in that paradise designed by God until the garden contained competing voices. God said, “[I love you. I will provide.] You may surely eat of every tree of the garden, but of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil you shall not eat, for in the day that you eat of it you shall surely die” (2:16-17). Satan said, “[He doesn’t love you. He’s keeping the best to himself. See how delicious the fruit. Think of the wisdom you will gain.] You will not surely die” (see 3:4-5). Thus Adam and his wife were forced to choose between competing voices. The war, however, was not in the words. The war was deep within their hearts. “So when the woman saw that the tree was good for food—[the lust of the flesh], and that it was a delight to the eyes—[the lust of the eyes], and that the tree was to be desired to make one wise—[the pride of life], she took of its fruit and ate, and she also gave some to her husband who was with her, and he ate” (v. 6; see 1 John 2:16). We choose to follow the truth or the lie based on the worship in our hearts. The wicked who steal land from the fatherless and use dishonest weights are driven by the love of money. The Jewish leaders who falsely accused our Lord were controlled by religious power. The king who favors the rich over the poor desires the approval of wealthy men. But those who worship God in their hearts—those whose number one priority is to bring glory to God will honor him with honesty. Our words reveal our worship. For ever since the fall, man has

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struggled to tell the truth and that struggle takes place on the battleground of our hearts: “Deceit is in the heart of those who devise evil” (Prov 12:20a). A lie is never just a lie, but an act of worship.

Like the glaze covering an earthen vessel are fervent lips with an evil heart. Whoever hates disguises himself with his lips and harbors deceit in his heart; when he speaks graciously, believe him not, for there are seven abominations in his heart; though his hatred be covered with deception, his wickedness will be exposed in the assembly. . . . A lying tongue hates its victims, and a flattering mouth works ruin (26:23-26, 28; see 16:30).

In biblical times, silver workers brought the precious metal to a boil until the less-dense impurities rose to the surface. This slag, or dross, was then skimmed from the surface to purify the silver. Instead of wasting the dross, however, many merchants would use it as decorative glaze to coat their pieces of pottery—kind of like an ancient recycling program. These earthen vessels would then sparkle and shine like silver, though possessing little value. So also are “fervent lips with an evil heart.” Sparkly speech and flattering tongues can easily deceive. Even the wicked at heart can learn how to speak with grace. God promises that such hypocrisy will one day be exposed, yet until that day an evil heart can cause much destruction with deceptive words. Consider also Proverbs 23, “Do not eat the bread of a man who is stingy; do not desire his delicacies, for he is like one who is inwardly calculating. ‘Eat and drink!’ he says to you, but his heart is not with you. You will vomit up the morsels that you have eaten, and waste your pleasant words” (vv. 6-8). Picture a wedding banquet in which the host invites a feuding brother—not because he wants to, but because the brother is family. The reluctant host then fumes over having to pay for the meal. He counts each dish and every bottle of wine. Outwardly, of course, he urges his guest to “eat and drink,” but inwardly he has set his heart against his brother. Such a meal is not enjoyable. It’s hard to choke down food under the glare of an evil eye—even harder to choke up kind words to bless an ungracious host. Dishonest words arise from desirous hearts and soon enough will be exposed.

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People have lied all throughout Scripture because of different heart desires. Satan lied to Adam and Eve because he hated God and wanted to take his place (Ezek 28; Isa 14). Adam and Eve lied to God because of shame (Gen 3:7-13). They hid from God and shifted blame. Abram told a half-truth about Sarah while fearing for his life (12:10- 20). A half-truth, of course, is still a full-lie. Jacob and Laban cheated each other for love of money (chs. 29-30). Joseph’s brothers deceived their father to cover up their guilt (ch. 37). Peter denied Jesus for fear of man (Matt 26:69-75). Ananias and Sapphira exaggerated their giving to gain prestige in the church (Acts 5). Yet in every case, deception arose from the desires of the heart. They first deceived themselves before deceiving others. The Proverbs focus particularly on the love of money as one such desire. In 3:28, “Do not say to your neighbor, ‘Go, and come again, tomorrow I will give it’—when you have it with you.” In other words, don’t lie in order to defraud your neighbor. Treat your employees and business partners with integrity. Consider also the marketplace:

“‘Bad, bad,’ says the buyer, but when he goes away, then he boasts” (20:14). This is a Chinese grandma bickering over the cost of bok choy until the merchant has to slash his prices. Then she goes home and boasts to everyone about the steal she got on vegetables. Possessing money can be a good desire, but it can soon become a ruling desire. We first lie to ourselves: “I need more money. I don’t have enough. My barns are not yet full.”

Then our desire becomes a demand. We will sin if we get it and sin if we don’t. So we get angry at those who limit our profits. We deceive others to add to our gain. The heart of the problem, however, is the problem of the heart. Instead of the love of money, “What is desired in a man is steadfast love” (19:22a). We must display covenant love like that of God’s. Better to be poor financially than to be poor in spirit. Better to take a loss than to steal a profit: “And a poor man is better than a liar” (v. 22b). Better to model God’s love for others than to serve ourselves with greed. Our perfectly just God created man to bear his image, yet man often loses this battle in the heart. For God is just and man is not. 125

The Liar’s Destiny One strength of the Proverbs is to show the end of the path—to project the liar’s destiny for breaking God’s law. For ultimately, we ground our consequences in the fear of the Lord (1:7). When we affirm our Creator to be just, then we know with certainty the consequences for deception. As Paul succinctly stated, “The wages of sin is death” (Rom 6:23a). So if we know the Lord, we will fear his anger against deceit. If we know the Lord, we will fear his justice even more than we fear man’s. The Proverbs lay out these life-or-death consequences of telling the truth.

A guilty conscience In 20:17, “Bread gained by deceit is sweet to a man, but afterward his mouth will be full of gravel” (see 21:6). Imagine chewing on a mouthful of gravel. The grit grinds against your teeth. So also, the one who deceitfully steals from others will find his conscience will be plagued with the bitter taste of guilt. According to 12:19, “Truthful lips endure forever, but a lying tongue is but for a moment.” We might get away with deception in the moment, yet truth builds lasting character. No man has a good enough memory to be a successful liar. So if we start telling lies, we have to keep track of what we told to whom. Yet if we always tell the truth, then we need not worry. We can go to our grave with a clear conscience.

Calamitous consequences

In 17:20, “A man of crooked heart does not discover good, and one with a dishonest tongue falls into calamity.” A crooked heart leads to a dishonest tongue which leads to calamitous consequences. Desire becomes deception, then results in destruction. So also, “A false witness will not go unpunished, and he who breathes out lies will not escape” (19:5; see v. 9; 21:28). You can get to the ends of the earth by lying, but you will never get back.

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Lies not only harm the speaker, but also those nearby: “Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruits” (18:21). Lies in a relationship destroy marriages from within and ruin reputations. As one wag said, “A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has time to get its pants on.” Deception then breaks the hard-earned trust we have gained with others: “Do not plan evil against your neighbor, who dwells trustingly beside you” (3:32).

Dishonor to God

Lies harm both us and those around us, but most crucially they bring dishonor to the Lord. According to 12:22, “Lying lips are an abomination to the LORD, but those who act faithfully are his delight” (see 3:32). God loves the truth and hates deception. He loves the right reflection of his character and despises its distortion. God will defend his holy character: “The Righteous One observes the house of the wicked; he throws the wicked down to ruin” (21:12; see 22:12; 24:12). The perfectly just God will ensure justice in his world. If we have deceived others, God promises wrath. If we have been wronged by others, the Righteous One will ultimately make things right (Rom 12:19), for dishonesty brings dishonor to God. Here is where the world gets the bus off at moralism before reaching the gospel destination. The world tells us, “Do not lie, for it will bring harm both to you and others.” They recognize the natural consequences of deception. But then they reason, “A lie is okay if it does not harm another person. White lies are fine. Little fibs will go unnoticed.” Our world fails to understand that we fight the battle for words on the soil of our hearts. They do not see that every lie disparages the God of truth. Every deceit distorts the reflection of his glory. Just one falsehood before an infinitely holy God will condemn a soul to hell for all eternity. The gospel, however, declares that we will face judgment for deception—for not telling the truth about God and his goodness—for not telling the truth about our sin and need for a Savior. Facing judgment, we need

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redemption.

The Liar’s Redemption We discover good news for deceivers in Ephesians 4:21b-24, “The truth is in Jesus, to put off your old self, which belongs to your former manner of life and is corrupt through deceitful desires, and to be renewed in the spirit of your minds, and to put on the new self, created after the likeness of God in true righteousness and holiness.” The gospel does not shy away from the truth about sin—that we have fallen short of God’s holy standard. Instead, the gospel exposes our former manner of life and our corruption “through deceitful desires.” We possessed heart desires that were anti-God and thinking that was of the world. So Paul exhorts us to put off the old self (v. 22) and to put on the new self (v. 24). This goes beyond behavioral modification or cognitive training, for the power to change is: “to be renewed in the spirit of your minds” (v. 23). The only way for a liar to become a truth-teller is to be changed at heart. And the only means of a changed heart is the truth about Jesus fully displayed in the gospel (see Eph 1-3).

Humanism Parenting often serves as an example of propagating a false or incomplete gospel. Suppose your child tells a series of lies. You might excuse it as a childhood phase: “You know I read somewhere that toddlers are simply exercising their creative imagination. Childrearing experts say that no one is born a liar.” Believe that, and you have just missed the doctrine of total depravity.

Behaviorism But if you do see lying as morally wrong (or at least problematic), you might tell your child, “Don’t lie.” That’s instruction, which by itself, will lead to moralism. You’re just trying to get your child to do the right thing. You might reference Scripture, of course, “Thou shalt not lie.” Yet even biblical instruction can lead to moralism. You

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might threaten, “Don’t lie, or else.” Yet not all discipline may lead to the fear of the Lord (see Eph 6:4). The fear of you or the fear of pain is not equivalent to the fear of the Lord. You might manipulate their emotions: “Please, don’t lie. You don’t want me to be sad, do you?” You’re trying to transfer whatever desire they are worshipping to become the worship of you. You are unwittingly telling your child: “Love me more than you love yourself.” Or you might try to reason with them: “Here are some of the reasons why you shouldn’t tell lies.” Again you might persuade them to change their behavior, but you have not reached the heart. Many of these approaches are pragmatically useful (the staple of parents throughout the centuries), but none of them applies the gospel to your child’s life—the truth as found in Jesus.

The gospel for liars Instead, you might point out to your child, “I notice you’ve been telling lies and that concerns me as your parent. Can we talk about it?” So you talk with your child about a holy God who created man to be truthful and honest as a reflection of his glory.

You share how sin entered the world and how our sinful behavior arises from sinful thoughts and desires. You teach your child how we were dead in sin—unable to save ourselves, but how God in his grace sent his Son to forgive our sin. You explain how just one tiny, little fib deserves the penalty of eternal judgment, but how Jesus suffered in our place upon the cross. You rejoice at Christ’s resurrection which promises power over sin and death. You praise the Lord together about redemptive change which turns liars into truth-tellers and replaces the old man with the new. Then you teach your child about adoption into the family of God—being heirs of God and joint heirs with Christ. You describe the wonderful privilege of belonging to the church—the mystery of God which has now been revealed. All this and more can be found in Ephesians 1-3. Now you may be thinking, “No child’s going to listen to an entire exposition of Ephesians.” Yet realize, we teach

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these truths over time, moment-by-moment, day-by-day. Biblical instruction is an ongoing process of faithfully teaching the gospel to our children, so that when we finally address the problem of lying we have prepared our children well. Paul’s initial, “Therefore,” is packed with meaning: Because of everything I have already told you in the previous chapter—because of the glorious truths of the gospel: “Therefore, having put away falsehood, let each one of you speak the truth with his neighbor, for we are members one of another” (4:25). We are members united in the body of Christ— members belonging to the same family. So put away falsehood through the power of Christ. Stop lying. Yet keeping from sin is not enough. Furthermore, speak the truth with your fellow Christian. Why? Because you love them and you love Jesus who unites you with them. you are not merely motivated by fear of punishment, fear of failure, or fear of man, but by the love of Jesus (2 Cor 5:14-15). The gospel transforms your heart and transformed hearts result in transformed behavior. Anything less is silver glaze on an earthen vessel.

So how do we help a liar change? First, apply the gospel to her heart by distinguishing sin from suffering. I had a friend tell me once, “I think my wife is a pathological liar.” So I gently replied, “There is no pathology to lying. Your wife is not sick, but a sinner struggling with her sin nature. Your wife doesn’t need a serum or a shrink. She needs a Savior.” My friend’s wife was certainly suffering. She was responding to difficult circumstances in the marriage. Yet as long as my friend misdiagnosed the problem, he could not administer the gospel solution. For the gospel applies to sin and suffering in different ways.

As my friend begins to realize his wife’s struggle with sin, he will recognize that her sinful behavior arises from sinful desires. Why does a wife lie to her husband? What desire does she cling to in her heart? She might not trust her husband because of sins he had committed in the past. She might be using deception to manipulate the marriage. She might speak half-truths because it’s easier not to address the issues. She 130

might desire the pleasure of a surreptitious shopping spree or an adulterous affair. She might wonder if God allowed her to marry the wrong man. Fear, control, comfort, pleasure, and doubt are all potential idols of the heart which bear the fruit of deception. On the surface, a wife tells lies to her husband, but her deception is always rooted in idolatry. It is good to examine why we sin the way we sin, because it’s not enough just to confess dishonest words. We must also confess the sinful desires in our hearts (Prov 28:13). And “if we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness” (1 John 1:9). Again, we return to the God who is just—who does not forgive us by simply excusing sin, but by pouring out his righteous wrath upon our Savior. Only when we tell the truth about our sin can God unfold the truth about his grace. Once our hearts have been transformed, then our behavior and speech will follow as well. The wife who worships God at heart—whose newfound motive is to love the Lord and love her neighbor will go from telling lies to speaking truth. She does not change her heart by changing her behavior, but rather her behavior changes as Christ changes her heart.

The gospel for unbelievers Even unbelievers are seeking for a truth which can only be found in Jesus. We see such an example when bewildered Pilate cross-examines Jesus: “Then Pilate said to him, ‘So you are a king?’ Jesus answered, ‘You say that I am a king. For this purpose I was born and for this purpose I have come into the world—to bear witness to the truth. Everyone who is of the truth listens to my voice.’ Pilate said to him, ‘What is truth?’”

(John 18:37-38a). Perhaps you are an unbeliever wondering why Christians make such a big deal about telling the truth. Like the Roman procurator Pilate you might be wondering to yourself, “What is the truth? Isn’t enough not to harm anyone?” You may have never met our Savior, Jesus Christ, who claimed: “I am the way, and the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me” (John 14:6). You might be

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wondering, “Why can’t I simply be a good person? Can’t I please God with honest, ethical behavior without having to become a Christian?” Truthfully, you can to some extent, for unbelievers who tell the truth display God’s common grace. Yet if you do not speak the truth to honor God, you are still in rebellion against him. Picture a defiant teenage prodigal who curses out his parents and runs away to the big city. In order to make it on his own, he gets a job as a chef in a restaurant. He submits to a difficult boss and learns his job well. Prideful, he wants to prove his parents wrong, but has to follow the rules to keep his job. Now months later, his parents happen to visit that very restaurant in the city and order their favorite dish from the menu without knowing their son is now the chef. Unware as well, he labors diligently in the kitchen, fixing their favorite meal to perfection. Yet he does not serve for their sake at all, since his heart is just as rebellious as ever. Now if his parents were told the truth, they would not be able to rejoice: “Oh, how wonderful! Our son is now a delight to us, for he has made us our favorite meal!” They could delight in the meal, but not even that common grace would convince them that their son had changed. So also, God is only pleased by truthful words if we are worshipping him at heart. He does not need our good behavior or righteous deeds. No, he calls us to recognize him as King—to worship him as Lord of our life and to set aside our selfish desires. We all seek imposter saviors in other people and relationships, in possession, finances, and earthly pleasures. Yet when Jesus tells the truth—when Jesus speaks, his message is vastly different than any of those heart desires. Will the real Savior of our souls please stand up?

Life Application Study:

1. Think about the times you tried to deceive others. Why are we tempted to tell lies? How does truth-telling reflect the glory of God’s justice?

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2. How does an evil heart result in sinful thoughts, actions, and speech? How do we discern a person’s heart when they are not outwardly sinful? Discern the heart desires of the various people who told lies in Scripture. With which heart desires do you particularly struggle?

3. What are some of the consequences for telling lies? How does deception affect our relationship with God and others? How does the world’s instruction about truth-telling differ from the biblical gospel?

4. How do you learn to put off lies and put on speaking the truth in love? How do you help someone who struggles with deceit?

Memory Verse

Proverbs 12:22 Lying lips are an abomination to the LORD, but those who act faithfully are his delight.

Resources for further study: Priolo, Lou. Deception: Letting Go of Lying. Phillipsburg, NJ: P&R Publishing, 2008. Tripp, Paul David. War of Words: Getting to the Heart of Your Communication Struggles. Phillipsburg, NJ: P&R Publishing, 2000.

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WORDS TO THE WISE: APPLES OF GOLD IN SETTINGS OF SILVER

I. Words which Harm Our Neighbor • Reckless & Foolish (12:18; 13:3; 18:2, 6-7, 13; 20:25; 21:23; 29:20) • Deceptive (6:16-19; 12:13, 22; 14:25; 17:20; 19:5, 9; 21:6; 25:18) • Angry & Violent (10:6, 11; 11:9; 12:6; 29:11, 22) • Gossiping & Slanderous (11:12-13; 16:28; 17:9; 26:20; 30:10) • Babbling (10:10, 12, 19; 15:2; 17:28; 20:19)

• Boastful & Flattering (8:13; 14:7, 23; 26:24-25, 28; 27:1-2; 29:5)

• Perverse (2:12-19; 10:31-32; 15:4, 28) • Scoffing (1:22; 9:12; 19:29; 22:10; 24:9; 29:8) • Cursing & Quarrelsome (17:5; 20:20; 25:24; 27:14; 30:11)

II. Words which Heal the Heart (Prov 16:1-4; 2 Cor 5:14-15; Col 3:12-17; Jas 3:5-8)

III. Words which Help the Righteous • Life-Giving (4:22; 10:11, 21; 11:30; 13:14; 15:4; 18:20-21) • Healing & Protecting (12:6, 18) • Encouraging (12:25; 15:23; 16:20-24) • Understanding (5:2; 10:13-14; 14:6; 18:2, 13, 17; 20:5; 21:28; 22:17-18, 20-21; 23:19; 26:4-5; 27:19) • Self-Controlled (10:19; 13:3; 15:28; 17:27-28; 21:23; 29:11) • Wise (4:1-2; 6:20; 10:31-32; 11:14; 12:15; 15:7, 22; 18:4; 27:9; 31:26)

• Rebuking (9:8; 17:10; 25:11-12; 27:5-6, 17; 28:23) • Peacemaking (15:1, 18; 25:15)

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Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.1 Now we know this nursery rhyme to be untrue. We know the wounds of painful words and the harm our barbs inflict on others. Words have launched wars and fomented murder. I heard of one suicide note that was only two words long: “They said.” Recall any scars that you still bear because of the words of others. Perhaps they have shaped the way you think and the way you cope with life. Words often hurt even more than sticks and stones. Yet words can also be used for good. Most can recall moments in our lives framed not by an exhilarating event which happened, but by the spoken word: encouragement from a favorite teacher, conversations over family dinners, a friend speaking the truth in love, discipleship with a fellow Christian. In addition, God reveals himself in words—his holy Scriptures and the living Word of Jesus Christ. Words have the power of life and death (Prov 18:21), to hurt and to heal, to wreck and restore. So the Proverbs have much to say about speech—perhaps its most extensive topic outside of wisdom.2 If you wish to go deeper, I encourage you to spend a whole month reading the entire book of Proverbs and focus on each verse regarding speech and communication. The following presents a brief overview as we apply the Word of God to the words of man.

Words which Harm Our Neighbor

Reckless words On July 4, 2013, a 7-year-old boy was struck in the head by a stray bullet fired

1 A more appropriate nursery rhyme might be the ditty:

If your lips would keep from slips, Five things observe with care; To whom you speak, of whom you speak And how, and when, and where. (William Norris). 2 The terms “tongue,” “mouth,” “lips,” and “words” occur almost 150 times in Proverbs.

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into the sky during an Independence Day celebration.3 Such is the danger of reckless words. Like a stray bullet or a sword thrust (12:18), rash words cause great damage. Consider some of the ways that words may harm our neighbor.

Deceptive words We have already studied the dangerous effects of deception: “A man who bears false witness against his neighbor is like a war club, or a sword, or a sharp arrow” (25:18). Lies are weapons used against our neighbor.

Angry words In 29:22, “A man of wrath stirs up strife, and one given to anger causes much transgression.” Angry words are harmful both to ourselves and others.

Gossip and slanderous words Consider also the harm of gossip and slander: “A worthless man plots evil, and his speech is like a scorching fire. A dishonest man spreads strife, and a whisperer separates close friends” (16:27-28). Hurtful words spread like wildfire and betrayal may lose a friend forever.

Babbling words The fool speaks impetuous words in 29:20, “Do you see a man who is hasty in his words? There is more hope for a fool than for him.” We see a vivid example in many political debates of fools being hasty with words. Many Proverbs tell us it is wiser to keep our mouths shut: “Whoever keeps his mouth and his tongue keeps himself out of trouble” (21:23). For we often harm our neighbor by speaking too much: “The mouths of fools pour out folly” (15:2b) and “When words are many, transgression is not lacking, but

3 http://www.richmond.com/news/local/chesterfield/boy-shot-in-head-at-chesterfield- fireworks-celebration/article_95a28426-e549-11e2-a881-001a4bcf6878.html.

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whoever restrains his lips is prudent” (10:19). As it has been wisely stated, “Better to be quiet and be thought a fool than to speak and remove all doubt” (see 17:28).

Flattering words Flattery means to caress or to stroke with the flat of the hand. “Flatterers compliment profusely, appealing to your ego, but their praise is far from sincere. They pat you on the back only to locate a soft spot in which to stick a knife!”4 As in 29:5, “A man who flatters his neighbor spreads a net for his feet.” Think of the jealous officials in

Babylon convincing king Darius to issue a decree:

O King Darius, live forever! All the presidents of the kingdom, the prefects and the satraps, the counselors and the governors are agreed that the king should establish an ordinance and enforce an injunction, that whoever makes petition to any god or man for thirty days, except to you, O king, shall be cast into the den of lions (Dan 6:6-7).

Beware the one with flattering speech, for wicked words mark the boastful and perverse. Evil men and adulteress women are marked mainly by their words (Prov 2:12, 15, 16). For adultery and murder both begin with tempting talk of easy sex or easy money.

Scoffing words So also, “Scoffers set a city aflame” (29:8a). Those who speak against the Lord or against godly parents or against divinely-appointed authorities will bring ruin to society. Thus the summary in 11:9a, “With his mouth the godless man would destroy his neighbor.” These are just some of the proverbial warnings against the power of words.

The problem of the heart Yet the heart of the problem is the problem of the heart. The struggle is not in our vocal chords or on our lips, but deep within the heart. As Jesus taught, “The good

4 Adapted from Warren W. Wiersbe, Be Skillful (Wheaton: Victor Books, 1996), 120.

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person out of the good treasure of his heart produces good, and the evil person out of his evil treasure produces evil, for out of the abundance of the heart his mouth speaks” (Luke 6:45; see Matt 12:33-37). Our Lord draws from the wisdom of Proverbs 4:23, “Keep your heart with all vigilance, for from it flow the springs of life.” Guard your heart like the crown jewels, because everything you say arises from within. The heart is the spiritual center of our thinking and emotions and desires, so any thought about lying to parents actually arises from a deceptive heart. We want something so much that we are willing to tell a lie. Explosions of anger arise from a murderous heart, for we want something so much that we will defend it to the death. Flattery or manipulating words are minions of the heart to capture what the heart desires. Depravity exits the heart through the tunnel of the mouth (see Matt 15:18-19). We often try to shift the blame: “You made me angry. I only lied because I felt trapped. I couldn’t help myself. I didn’t mean to say those words.” Yet we cannot blame our speech on the people or the circumstances around us. Those influences simply trigger the occasion for our hearts to reveal themselves in words. Therefore, our ultimate goal must not be to remove the triggers, but to receive a transformed heart. The world argues that our problem is outside of us and the rescue we need can be found within. Yet the gospel says precisely the opposite: Our problem is inside of us and our only hope for rescue comes from without. Notice the very next command after Proverbs 4:23, “Put away from you crooked speech, and put devious talk far from you” (v. 24). Once you have learned to keep your heart with all vigilance, then you must stop your sinful speech. Read the Proverbs and you will be startled by how often the heart and speech are connected, for word problems reveal heart problems. Communication, therefore, is not primarily a skill to be learned, but a matter of worship orientation. It’s not about learning better techniques, but about letting Jesus transform our hearts. Think about a married couple that’s always fighting. They might go to a friend or a therapist for help. They can be taught how to speak respectfully and not 138

with disdain. They can learn to be active listeners and how to read body language. They can practice using “I statements” instead of making accusations: “You did this” or “You said that!” They can threaten to separate for “irreconcilable” differences. But if speech problems begin in the heart (as Scripture makes clear), then all of these communication techniques have simply made them better sinners—more accomplished idolaters. They might gain a happier home or a more peaceful conversation at the dinner table (the very idols they desired), yet being civilized is not the same as being gospelized. What this pugnacious couple needs for lasting change is not simply better techniques, but the gospel applied to their worshipping hearts. An idolatrous husband who speaks kindly to his wife is still an idolatrous husband. His idol may be comfort and he has found a way to achieve it through pleasant speech. An unbelieving wife who speaks respectfully to her husband is still an unbeliever. By common grace, she has learned a biblical principle through trial- and-error. Word problems, however, are first and foremost heart problems. We harm our neighbor with our words, but thank God for words which heal the heart.

Words which Heal the Heart

No hope in human effort James warns us about the tongue:

So also the tongue is a small member, yet it boasts of great things. How great a forest is set ablaze by such a small fire! And the tongue is a fire, a world of unrighteousness. The tongue is set among our members, staining the whole body, setting on fire the entire course of life, and set on fire by hell. For every kind of beast and bird, of reptile and sea creature, can be tamed and has been tamed by mankind, but no human being can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison (Jas 3:5-8).

Now how is it good news that “no human being can tame the tongue”? This gospel reminds us that godly communication cannot be accomplished by human effort, but only by the supernatural power of God. If we could be sinless by ourselves, then God had no reason to send his Son—the Living Word (John 1:14). If we could solve our

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communication problems by ordinary human means, then Jesus need not have come into the world. Yet the gospel teaches that we are helpless by ourselves. We don’t simply need better words or better ways of speaking. We need a brand new heart no longer enslaved to the passions and desires of the sinful nature. We need the new covenant promised in Ezekiel 36:

I will sprinkle clean water on you, and you shall be clean from all your uncleannesses, and from all your idols I will cleanse you. And I will give you a new heart, and a new spirit I will put within you. And I will remove the heart of stone from your flesh and give you a heart of flesh. And I will put my Spirit within you, and cause you to walk in my statutes and be careful to obey my rules (vv. 25-27).

Picture the Israelites reading the Proverbs and encountering the law of Moses in poetic form. They would want to obey this law. They would try to be godly communicators, yet their idolatrous hearts would get in the way. What they needed was not more rules and more effort and better techniques, but a new heart and a new spirit which only God could give. So also, we read the hundreds of Proverbs on godly communication and ask ourselves: Who could possibly be pure in speech? “Who can say,

‘I have made my heart pure; I am clean from my sin’?” (Prov 20:9). Even when we think we’re doing pretty good, “All the ways of a man are pure in his own eyes, but the LORD weighs the spirit” (16:2). The Lord knows our hearts even better than we do.

Hope in Christ alone

Only in the gospel, do we find hope in Christ. As Paul prays for the Ephesian church: “For this reason, because I have heard of your faith in the Lord Jesus and your love toward all the saints, I do not cease to give thanks for you, remembering you in my prayers” (Eph 1:15-16). Paul is modeling godly communication. “That the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of glory, may give you a spirit of wisdom and of revelation in the knowledge of him” (v. 17). Filthy talkers have hope for change, since God-given wisdom and knowledge begins with a transformed heart: “Having the eyes of your hearts enlightened, that you may know what is the hope to which he has called you, what are the

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riches of his glorious inheritance in the saints” (v. 18). Believers have abundant resources in Christ. God alone grants us power to change our speech: “And what is the immeasurable greatness of his power toward us who believe, according to the working of his great might that he worked in Christ when he raised him from the dead and seated him at his right hand in the heavenly places” (vv. 19-20). God grants us the resurrection and the ascension power of Christ whom he exalted “far above all rule and authority and power and dominion, and above every name that is named, not only in this age but also in the one to come. And he put all things under his feet and gave him as head over all things to the church, which is his body, the fullness of him who fills all in all” (vv. 21-23). In Christ alone, we have the hope of transformed hearts. In Christ alone, we have the riches of every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places (v. 3). In Christ alone, we have divine power granting to us all things pertaining to life and godliness (2 Pet 1:3). His resurrection power works in us to bring life into our hearts (Rom 8:11). In Christ alone, we have a sovereign King who rules not only the entire universe, but also in our hearts.

And if God had the power to raise Jesus from the dead and appoint him sovereign ruler of all things, then certainly he can empower us to speak with grace.

Hope for sinful speakers Perhaps you feel defeated in your struggle with speech. You play back the recording of this past week and hear yourself using words for all manner of sordid reasons. Humbly recognize that sinful speech arises from an idolatrous heart. We lie and cheat, complain and quarrel, implode and explode as we defend our kingdom of self. We flatter and cajole, manipulate and sweeten, and say what people want to benefit the kingdom in our hearts. Yet the only way to gain victory over speech is to acknowledge Jesus Christ as Lord. Our hope begins by trusting in the sovereign God. He has a perfect plan:

The plans of the heart belong to man, but the answer of the tongue is from the LORD. All the ways of a man are pure in his own eyes, but the LORD weighs the 141

spirit. Commit your work to the LORD, and your plans will be established. The LORD has made everything for its purpose, even the wicked for the day of trouble (Prov 16:1-4).

God is in control. There is no situation, circumstance, or relationship over which God is not in charge. He rules over our lives, directing all things for his glory and the redemptive good of others (Rom 8:28). So if we believe that God is the sovereign King over every aspect of our lives, how would it change the way we speak to one another? The war of words is a war of sovereignty. Whoever rules our heart will control the words we speak.

Hope for godly communication The gospel enjoins us to consider our words on a regular basis—to examine them in the mirror of God’s Word (Jas 1:22-25). So take some time this week to work through Proverbs as you evaluate your patterns of speech: “Is my speech godly or self- serving?” Let the kindness of God convict your heart and lead you to repent of any sinful heart motives. For example, I can speak harshly to my children out of my impatience.

Things are not being done the way I want them done. They’re making me late, or disrupting my comfort, or not respecting my authority. My children are not submitting to my kingship in the home. At those times, I must confess my impatient heart: “Lord, I haven’t been trusting you as sovereign in my family, in my home, in my childrens’ lives. Lord, you are in control. You sovereignly ordained these unruly rugrats for my sanctification and their instruction. Lord, forgive my selfish heart. Forgive my impatient speech.”

We must confess the heart behind the struggle, then commit to godly change. As Paul exhorts the Christians in Colossae:

Put on then, as God's chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony. And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body. And be thankful. Let the word of Christ dwell

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in you richly, teaching and admonishing one another in all wisdom, singing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, with thankfulness in your hearts to God. And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him (Col 3:12-17).

When we are living for God and not for self, the words we speak will be directed toward his glory. Our hearts will be filled with the worship of God and compassionate love for others. Ask yourself: “Do I speak from a compassionate heart? Do people characterize my speech as kind and humble, patient and meek? Do I attack or do I forgive? Am I grateful or grumbling? Are my words grounded in Christ-like love?

Do I do all things, in word and deed, to the glory of Christ?” Christ transforms our hearts to make us his ambassadors who speak not our own words, but the message of our King. We seek not our own interests, but the interests of our Master. We live for Jesus and speak on his behalf. Paul writes, “Therefore, knowing the fear of the Lord, we persuade others” (2 Cor 5:11a). We speak convincingly when we fear the Lord more than man. “But what we are is known to God, and I hope it is known also to your conscience. We are not commending ourselves to you again but giving you cause to boast about us, so that you may be able to answer those who boast about outward appearance and not about what is in the heart” (vv. 11b-12). Boastful people may look good on the outside, but the Lord will test the heart. “For if we are beside ourselves, it is for God; if we are in our right mind, it is for you” (v. 13). Paul’s ministry motivation is to serve both God and others, for his heart had been taken captive by the love of Jesus Christ: “For the love of Christ controls us, because we have concluded this: that one has died for all, therefore all have died; and he died for all, that those who live might no longer live for themselves but for him who for their sake died and was raised” (vv. 14-15). Jesus died on our behalf, so that we might die to self and live for him. “From now on, therefore, we regard no one according to the flesh. Even though we once regarded Christ according to the flesh, we regard him thus no longer” (v. 16). What’s most important about us is not our body, but our soul. So Christ grants us a

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new heart, a new spirit, and new patterns of speech:

Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come. All this is from God, who through Christ reconciled us to himself and gave us the ministry of reconciliation; that is, in Christ God was reconciling the world to himself, not counting their trespasses against them, and entrusting to us the message of reconciliation (vv. 17-19).

Jesus died to make us not only friends of God, but also ambassadors for God— messengers of reconciliation. So we do not speak godly words to win people over to our personal kingdoms. We speak to win people to the kingdom of God. “Therefore, we are ambassadors for Christ, God making his appeal through us. We implore you on behalf of Christ, be reconciled to God. For our sake he made him to be sin who knew no sin, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God” (vv. 20-21). The gospel reveals that, in Christ Jesus, we are new creations. In Christ, we have become the righteousness of God. In Christ, we have a new reason for living—a new message on our tongue. For a Christian is one whose mouth has been shut in order that it may be opened. We have new hearts with a new desire to speak for Christ and to minister reconciliation to others. The words of our mouth become God-glorifying and life-giving as we enter every conversation and every relationship thinking to ourselves: “How can I glorify God and serve this other person? How can I be an ambassador for Christ?” Every word we speak is a witness for Jesus, telling the people around us what we think of Christ.

Words which Help the Righteous As ambassadors of Christ, we must speak words that help instead of harm. So

God performs this miraculous work to transform us from people who speak primarily for ourselves into those who speak on his behalf. These principles for helping the righteous are also found in Proverbs.

Life-giving words

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“The mouth of the righteous is a fountain of life” (10:11a). As worshippers of God whose hearts are turned toward God, our words must overflow with life to others (18:4). And how does this happen? Consider a parallel verse: “The teaching of the wise is a fountain of life” (13:14a). “The mouth of the righteous . . . is a fountain of life” (A = B). “The teaching of the wise . . . is a fountain of life” (C = B). Therefore, by transitive property (A = B = C), the words of the righteous are based on wise teaching. The wise become righteous and the righteous wise. Follow this theme throughout the Proverbs and you will often find righteousness and wisdom used interchangeably. For example, “The fruit of the righteous is a tree of life, and whoever captures souls is wise” (11:30). If we desire to bear righteous fruit, then we must learn from wise people and study God’s wisdom in his Word. And if we want to help others grow in righteousness, then we do so by teaching wisdom. We capture souls by teaching disciples to obey everything that Jesus has commanded (Matt 28:20a). So are you making disciples with your everyday speech? Do your words bring people into relationship with Jesus? Then take this one step further: “The fear of the LORD is a fountain of life” (14:27a). “The mouth of the righteous . . . is a fountain of life” (A = B).

“The teaching of the wise . . . is a fountain of life” (C = B). “The fear of the LORD . . . is a fountain of life” (D = B) Therefore (A = B = C = D), those who are wise will fear the Lord and those who fear the Lord will grow in righteousness and wisdom. True worship begins by filling our hearts with God. We are so overwhelmed by the fear of the Lord that it cultivates our desire to grow in wisdom. “The fear of the LORD is the beginning of wisdom, and the knowledge of the Holy One is insight” (9:10). This wisdom then sparks our growth in righteousness and this righteousness overflows like a fountain of life to those around us: 145

Worship, wisdom, righteousness, and life-giving speech. The goal of wise communication is to glorify God in worship and to help the righteous with life-giving speech: “The lips of the righteous feed many” (10:21a). Do your words nourish the people around you or are they left starving from your silence and empty speech?

Healing and protective words “The tongue of the wise brings healing” (12:18b). Do you speak therapeutic words of grace and kindness or do people try to avoid your critical spirit? In 12:6b, “The mouth of the upright delivers them.” Do your words protect and rescue and advocate for the helpless or do you pile on the attack with everyone else?

Wise words In 27:9, “Oil and perfume make the heart glad, and the sweetness of a friend comes from his earnest counsel.” Do others seek you out for wisdom? Do they trust you to give them consistently good advice? Are your words a fountain of life to others?

Encouraging words Suppose your friend is struggling with a life decision and the Spirit of God compels you to speak the Word of God into her life. “To make an apt answer is a joy to a man, and a word in season, how good it is” (15:23)! Good words have the power to bless. Yet if you are not walking with the Spirit of God and you are not studying the Word of

God, then you’ll have nothing to offer when your friend needs help. Many of us are like backup quarterbacks who think we will never get into the game. So when the starter gets injured and the coach points at us, we enter the game totally unprepared. Spiritual counsel is of greater eternal importance than tossing around a pigskin. Yet too many of us are still sitting on the bench neglecting the playbook. Consider 12:25, “Anxiety in a man's heart weighs him down, but a good word makes him glad.” Your friend comes to you distressed and anxious. Start warming up!

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You’re in the game. Do you know how to biblically lead an anxious person to peace? Are you able to minister joy from the Scriptures to a friend overcome by worry? Are your words a fountain of life? Most of us don’t have a clue. We tell a few jokes to lighten the mood. We try to distract them: “Let’s go to the gym. Let’s take a drive. Let’s grab some drinks.” We don’t know how to biblically counsel a friend from anxiety to joy. We need the fear of the Lord which leads to wisdom which leads to righteousness which leads to life. “Whoever gives thought to the word5 will discover good, and blessed is he who trusts in the LORD” (16:20). Again, all wise counsel begins with the fear of the Lord. “The wise of heart is called discerning, and sweetness of speech increases persuasiveness” (v. 21). Wisdom of the heart leads to wisdom of speech. “Good sense is a fountain of life to him who has it, but the instruction of fools is folly. The heart of the wise makes his speech judicious and adds persuasiveness to his lips. Gracious words are like a honeycomb, sweetness to the soul and health to the body” (vv. 22-24). Ask yourself: “Would your family claim that your language is a fountain of life? Would your friends affirm your words to be sweet and gracious? Would your coworkers vouch for the judicious nature of your speech?” Every word you speak reveals the depth of wisdom in your heart.

Understanding words Godly communication seeks to glorify God and minister to others. This first requires wisely understanding the situation. We must be quick to listen and slow to speak (Jas 1:19). By contrast, “A fool takes no pleasure in understanding, but only in expressing his opinion” (Prov 18:2). Have you ever listened to an argument which sounded like the two people were engaged in two separate conversations? They weren’t even responding to each other’s points. The fool willfully refuses to listen as in 18:13, “If one gives an

5 The phrasing is ambiguous, but the context points to the Word of God.

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answer before he hears, it is his folly and shame.” Jumping to conclusions is a sign of arrogance: “I’m not even going to wait for you to finish.” It’s a show of disrespect: “Your words don’t really matter. My opinion is the only one that counts.” This kind of behavior results in shame, like Simon Peter sticking his foot in his mouth by rebuking Jesus (e.g., Matt 16:22). We must learn not to take sides too quickly, for “the one who states his case first seems right, until the other comes and examines him” (Prov 18:17). A friend may say, “You won’t believe what that other person did to me,” yet we must refuse to join in gossip. If a wife accuses her husband of abuse, the wise counselor will ask the husband for his side as well.6 There’s a story in which the two-and-a-half tribes of Israel east of the Jordan River set up an altar (see Josh 22). The other tribes were about to destroy them for worshipping idols, but thankfully, they had the foresight to first send over messengers of peace. The falsely accused tribes explained that the altar was not to worship false idols, but rather to commemorate Yahweh’s victory in Canaan. So we must be quick to listen to both sides and slow to speak. We must endeavor to understand each person’s heart: “The purpose in a man's heart is like deep water, but a man of understanding will draw it out” (20:5). Sometimes the person with whom we are talking doesn’t even know the reason for their anger, fear, or foolish talk. They may try to hide their motives or defend their desires. As their friend, we ask good questions and listen attentively. We patiently draw out the desires of their heart like water from a well. It takes hard work, but will always yield results: “As in water face reflects face, so the heart of man reflects the man” (27:19). We do not really know a person until we find out what they love: What are they living for? What’s most important?

Consider your own children: Are they living for sports? Academics?

6 One counselor shared how a wife came to him with bruises on her wrists, claiming that her husband had abused her. The husband came in later and admitted that he had restrained her by the wrists, but only because she rushed at him with a kitchen knife in each hand. Counselors need to listen to both sides before making a judgment.

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Popularity? Do they crave your approval? Find out what your children live for and you’ll understand why they say what they say, think what they think, and do what they do. It’s not a mystery: “The heart of man reflects the man.” Find out what a person worships and you’ll find out who they are.

Self-controlled words We must be patient as we listen, then also patient as we speak. Helping others requires self-control. Instead of speaking right away, “The heart of the righteous ponders how to answer” (15:28a). We think about and process our response, for “whoever keeps his mouth and his tongue keeps himself out of trouble” (21:23; see 17:27-28). Picture a medieval castle in which you are the royal sovereign in charge. If some nobleman or knight or traveling minstrel walks into your castle, you can speak to them with the authority of the king. But if you’re not the king—if you are merely a herald of the king, you must wait for the king’s decree. So also, words come easy if we are living for the kingdom of self. We know exactly what we want and aren’t afraid to say it. Yet if we are living for the kingdom of God, we must pause and reflect: “What speech would best represent my King? How would he want me to address his subjects? What kind of communication would honor my spouse? How should I speak to my son or daughter when they push my buttons?” The kingly authority in your life will determine the nature of your speech. For the war of words is a war of sovereignty—a war of worship in your heart. Are you the King or the herald of the King?

Peacemaking words

Consider the example of having to confront an angry person: “A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger” (15:1). And “a hot-tempered man stirs up strife, but he who is slow to anger quiets contention” (v. 18). A gentle answer feels unnatural because being slow to anger is not usually our first choice. If someone marches into our little kingdom and angrily demands her way, we often rush to our own defense. 149

Conflict in marriage, for example, often escalates when two sinners in close quarters are firing cannons from respective parapets. Now suppose a wife gets angry with her husband and speaks unkind words. The godly husband might consider: “I am in a marriage ordained by God. This is the woman God sovereignly gave me to sacrificially love, shepherd with care, and sanctify with the life-giving water of his Word. She’s not attacking me. This is not my kingdom, for my life belongs to God. Nor is she an enemy, but rather my spouse—my fellow heir in Christ—my partner in parenting our children. She will not benefit from my vengeance, but rather patience and kindness, forgiveness and rescue. We have a common enemy who seeks to destroy our marriage, so I must lead her into battle.” The godly husband responds to his angry wife with a gentle answer. He ministers to her with the compassion of Christ and honors the Lord with his righteous communication. All this starts when he recognizes God as King.

Loving rebuke

Consider one more example of wise words to confront a fellow believer in sin. Suppose someone in your small group is not living as God would have them. Everyone else avoids the issue out of fear. They don’t even know how to broach the subject and they don’t want to make things awkward. Those who are living for the kingdom of self tend to hide behind the castle walls. We don’t mess with other people’s kingdoms because we don’t want them to mess with ours. Yet if we are living for the kingdom of God, then we will grieve for a sinning brother who is hurting himself and hurting God’s kingdom. Peter tells us we are like living stones in the temple of God (1 Pet 2:5). We are not in separate kingdoms, but in a single kingdom ruled by God. So according to Proverbs 27:5-6a, “Better is open rebuke than hidden love. Faithful are the wounds of a friend.” We know a person loves us when they speak to us difficult truths, not because they want to, but because it’s best for us and best for God (see v. 17). Christians are not

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sin-chasers, rejoicing with glee like trumpeters on a fox hunt. Rebuke is hard, but good friends do what is right. So do you speak as an ambassador or Christ? Do your words represent the message of the King? Well-spoken words contain great value, for godly communication is a work of art: “A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in a setting of silver. Like a gold ring or an ornament of gold is a wise reprover to a listening ear” (25:11-12). Search for the most valuable words—the finest of gold and silver, then fashion them into the proper expression and present them in the most ornate setting. Even when reproving others, do so with the care of a communication artist. As one author writes, “A well-timed word has the power to urge a runner to finish the race, to rekindle the hope when despair has set in, to spark a bit of warmth in an otherwise cold life, to trigger healthful self-evaluation in someone who doesn’t think much about his shortcomings, to renew confidence when problems have the upper hand.”7 The goal of our speech is to glorify God and to help the people around us.

Christ-like words So if we struggle with our words, as we often do, then consider the example of Jesus who was sinless in speech:

For to this you have been called, because Christ also suffered for you, leaving you an example, so that you might follow in his steps. He committed no sin, neither was deceit found in his mouth. When he was reviled, he did not revile in return; when he suffered, he did not threaten, but continued entrusting himself to him who judges justly. He himself bore our sins in his body on the tree, that we might die to sin and live to righteousness. By his wounds you have been healed” (1 Pet 2:21-24).

Our Lord committed no sin, neither was deceit found in his mouth. During his ministry, he spoke with authority though it angered the crowd. At his judgment, he did not revile those slanderous lies, so that he might be the Truth for us. On the cross, he

7 Larry Crabb and Dan Allender, Encouragement: The Key to Caring (Nashville, TN: Zondervan, 1984), 25.

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endured the ultimate silent treatment from his Father so that we might enter the family conversation. He suffered the fools who plotted his crucifixion and boasted in his death. He bore the reckless words they thrust at him like the spear into his side. His blameless words are a fountain of life. His righteous lips feed many souls. His wise tongue brings healing to our hearts. His upright speech delivers the righteous. Jesus listens well to draw out our deepest desires, for he is the Wonderful Counselor who speaks wisdom into our lives. He is the friend who wounds us faithfully and the one who shows love by his rebuke. Our Savior has lived out the Proverbs in perfect righteousness and he empowers us by the gospel to follow in his steps.

Life Application Study:

1. Who has given words of life to you or modeled godly communication? How have their words affected the course of your life? How are you encouraging others with your speech?

2. Are you making disciples with your everyday speech (Matt 28:18-20)? Think about your words this past week: Did they harm or help your neighbor?

3. How does believing in God’s sovereignty affect your choice of words? What is an ambassador for Christ and how does it change your speech?

4. The biblical pattern for overcoming sin is always “put off” and then “put on” or “put to death” old patterns and habits and then “bring to life” new patterns and habits. When it comes to your speech, what are some sinful ways of speaking that you need to put off or put to death? What are some virtuous ways of speaking that you need to put on or bring to life?

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Memory Verse

Proverbs 25:11-12 A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in a setting of silver. Like a gold ring or an ornament of gold is a wise reprover to a listening ear.

Resources for further study: Sande, Ken. The Peacemaker: A Biblical Guide to Resolving Personal Conflict. Grand Rapids: Baker Books, 2004. Tripp, Paul David. War of Words: Getting to the Heart of Your Communication Struggles. Phillipsburg, NJ: P&R Publishing, 2000.

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WEALTH: NEITHER POVERTY NOR RICHES1

I. The “Promise” of Prosperity

II. The Priorities of Prosperity

III. The Principles of Prosperity

Imagine, if you will, picking up a lottery scratcher ticket from your local convenience store. Using a quarter, you begin scraping off the thin silver layer and watch the shavings fall to the ground. Maybe you whisper a quick prayer, and behold, a winning combination! Just like that, you are $3 million richer. What would that feel like? What would you do with such a windfall? One particular gentleman in Georgia had the opportunity to make that very decision and decided to use his $3 million lottery payout to land himself in federal prison. In July 2016, Ronnie Music, Jr. pleaded guilty to using part of lottery winnings to invest in a crystal meth ring. Since $3 million clearly wasn’t enough for Ronnie Music to live on, he ended up getting caught selling 11 pounds of methamphetamine, worth about $500,000. During the course of the investigation, federal agents found over $1 million worth of crystal meth, along with firearms, thousands of rounds of ammunition, and $600,000 in cash. As a result of his actions, this millionaire now faces decades of prison time. The U.S. District Attorney, a man of understatement, referred to Mr. Music’s folly as an “unsound investment strategy.” Now it’s easy to sit back, shake our heads, and think to ourselves: “If only I had that kind of money, I certainly wouldn’t do something so profoundly stupid.” But here’s the thing: What makes you think your financial decisions are any better? What makes your handling of money wiser than that of a drug-dealing lottery-winner? Going

1 The basis for this chapter has been contributed by William Chan.

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even deeper, how does your view of money differ from that of our friend Ronnie? What, exactly, is the Christian view of money? For those outside the church, it might seem that Christians have conflicted feelings about the matter. On the one hand, many unbelievers are familiar with 1 Timothy 6:10, “For the love of money is the root of all kinds of evil.”2 Some see the love of money as bad. Yet on the other hand, the casual Sunday-morning channel surfer can find plenty of smiling televangelists claiming that God want to bless us with prosperity: “God wants you to have that promotion. God wants to give you a new car. God wants me to have a private jet and here’s where you can send your donations.” To some extent, you could argue that both of these streams of thought are running through the Bible. Some verses talk about God’s material blessings, whereas others tell us not to pursue prosperity. And nowhere is that dynamic more pronounced than in the book of Proverbs. If you were to pick and choose certain passages, you could rationalize a prosperity theology and the idea that God wants you to be wealthy. Yet, one of the central warnings of Proverbs is the danger of easy money. So how do we reconcile these two extremes? How should we view the place of money in our lives? We need the whole counsel of Scripture. We need a full-orbed understanding of God’s wisdom concerning prosperity and we need to understand God’s heart when it comes to wealth. So let’s examine the Proverbs together.

The “Promise” of Prosperity First, consider the “promise” of prosperity in Proverbs. We place the word

“promise” in quotation marks because the Proverbs are not literal guarantees. They are slices of life, general truths for skillful living. You take all these nuggets of truth, stir ‘em up in a pot, until you have a complex stew called “life.” Stir in a dash of human

2 This is often misquoted to make money itself the root of all evil, but we’ll get to that later.

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sinfulness and a sprinkle of God’s grace. The result may not come out the way you expect, but you can see how all the ingredients mix together.

The righteous rich Proverbs paints a general picture of wealth and prosperity for those who follow godly wisdom: “The blessing of the LORD makes rich, and he adds no sorrow with it” (10:22). Wealth is not evil in itself, but can be used by God to demonstrate blessing and to show his favor. We affirm the goodness of material blessing and security in a fallen world. The word, “sorrow,” contains a sense of toil or hardship. It’s the same term used to describe the pain of childbirth after the fall (Gen 3:16). So while our fallen condition is full of hardship and sorrow, the blessing of God’s wisdom offers richness free of such pain. Solomon writes with firsthand experience of material blessings, for God had appeared to Solomon in a dream at the beginning of his reign, saying, “Ask what I shall give you. Whatever you want, ask for it” (see 1 Kgs 3:5). Now, gut reaction: What would you ask for? And you can’t say, “Three more wishes!” (That’s Aladdin, not the Bible). Test your heart: What would you ask for if God promised anything? Solomon, overwhelmed by the prospect of being king, but fearing the Lord, asks God for wisdom, understanding, and discernment (see vv. 6-9). He wants wisdom to rule wisely and to govern God’s people in a way that honors God.

It pleased the Lord that Solomon had asked this. And God said to him, “Because you have asked this, and have not asked for yourself long life or riches or the life of your enemies, but have asked for yourself understanding to discern what is right, behold, I now do according to your word. Behold, I give you a wise and discerning mind, so that none like you has been before you and none like you shall arise after you. I give you also what you have not asked, both riches and honor, so that no other king shall compare with you, all your days. And if you will walk in my ways, keeping my statutes and my commandments, as your father David walked, then I will lengthen your days” (vv. 10-14).

So on the one hand, God promises Solomon wisdom, and on the other, he promises to make Solomon the wealthiest king in the world. Now, be honest. If God were

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to offer you wisdom, godly discernment, understanding for life, and at the same time, a winning mega-millions lottery ticket, which part of that gift would you find the most exciting? For many of us, prosperity is like a shiny new bicycle on Christmas day, while God’s wisdom is like that itchy sweater from grandma (nothing against grandma).

The righteous poor But what happens when you’ve been a good, Proverbs-reading Christian all year and only end up with the sweater? Remember, prosperity is not a promise. For example in 8:18, Lady Wisdom declares, “Riches and honor are with me, enduring wealth and righteousness.” Notice the connection: Wisdom leads to both riches and righteousness. This sounds good and it’s generally true. One might even argue it is ultimately true. Yet notice what happens when we turn to 28:6, “Better is a poor man who walks in his integrity than a rich man who is crooked in his ways.” It is possible, therefore, within the complexities of life and the sovereign plan of God, to be both righteous and poor. If you’re struggling financially right now, God has not failed you;

God’s wisdom has not failed you. But it may be possible that your view of money has failed you.

The foolish rich Compare two other Proverbs. First, in 10:15, “A rich man’s wealth is his strong city; the poverty of the poor is their ruin.” At face value, this seems straightforward and appears no different than worldly wisdom. Your savings account is your strong city. Your stock portfolio is your fortress. It defends you from the flaming arrows of poverty and hordes of debt. The poor, on the other hand, are squatting in their burned-down mud huts, wishing they had the same security as the rich. Yet keep this proverb in mind as we turn to 18:11, “A rich man’s wealth is his strong city, and like a high wall in his imagination.” Have you ever seen a child build a fort out of couch cushions or cardboard boxes? The fort in that child’s imaginary world might seem 157

formidable, keeping all manner of monsters and robbers at bay. But if you were to walk into a warzone and see a person hiding behind a couch as bullets and mortars go screaming through the air, you would not be optimistic about their chance of survival. According to Solomon, those of us who put our trust in finances might as well be hiding behind a couch. In fact, even Fort Knox would be no better than living in a cardboard box. Wealth can be both a blessing and our downfall.

The foolish poor

On the flip side, if you are struggling with your finances and worried about future ruin, you are guilty of the same foolishness. You might as well get worked up about someone kicking over your mattress fort. Money was never meant to be your refuge. In fact, it does exactly the opposite: “Whoever trusts in his riches will fall, but the righteous will flourish like a green leaf” (11:28). If God promises anything about prosperity, it’s that prosperity can’t promise you anything. It may be a byproduct of wise living, but it’s not the main product. Financial security is not a sinful goal, but it must not be your ultimate goal. For whatever you make your ultimate goal will soon become your god. Proverbs has a lot to say about money, but the focus is more on the person who makes the money. For God is more concerned with what money says about your character than about how much money you have. This brings us to our second prosperity principle in Proverbs.

The Priorities of Prosperity What’s the difference between a wolf and a dog? Both are furry, four-legged animals with good noses and sharp teeth. Physically and biologically, there is not much difference. But a dog can serve you: bring your slippers, play fetch the ball. A wolf will rip your throat out. In the same way, money can serve you or it can ruin you. The only difference is the motive in your heart. So how does money factor into the priorities of your life? What place does it occupy in your heart? What position should it take in our 158

lives? One central text to help us is Proverbs 30:7 in which King Agur writes,3 “Two things I ask of you; deny them not to me before I die: Remove far from me falsehood and lying; give me neither poverty nor riches; feed me with the food that is needful for me, lest I be full and deny you and say, ‘Who is the LORD?’ or lest I be poor and steal and profane the name of my God” (vv. 7-9). Some try to use this passage to famously justify the middle-class or a life of moderation: Don’t give me too little and don’t give me too much. Agur, however, is neither asking God to make him middle-class, nor requesting a life of moderation. In fact, the word moderation should cause us to cringe: What do you mean when you use the word moderation? How do you measure it? What’s your standard for “too little” or “too much”? Or think about it like this: How do you know if you’re middle-class? Aren’t you just comparing yourself with the people around you? “Moderation” is looking at your neighbor’s driveway. The Smiths on the left drive a Mercedes. The Joneses on the right drive a beat-up Ford Pinto. So you get something in between. Then you pride yourself on being “middle of the road.”

Prioritize worship Yet here, Agur isn’t comparing his paycheck either to the guy down the street or to the California minimum wage. Rather, he measures his need for money on how it will help him worship God. He doesn’t say, “God, I want enough money to make me comfortable.” Instead, he says, “God, I want enough to money to give you praise. I want just enough to remember you in worship.” Agur prays, “Feed me with the food that is needful for me lest I be full and deny you and say, ‘Who is the LORD?’” (vv. 8b-9). “God, if you give me too much money, I might be tempted to pride, as if I had achieved it on my own. I might be tempted to trust my wealth instead of my God. So take away this

3 Most of the Proverbs are written by King Solomon, but Proverbs 30 was written by a man named Agur. See the later chapter on The Wisdom of Agur for a more detailed study.

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wealth if it ever comes to that.”

Prioritize holiness On the other hand, Agur also prays for holiness: “Remove far from me falsehood and lying. . . . Lest I be poor and steal and profane the name of my God” (vv. 8a, 9). He does not say, “Please keep me from starvation. Don’t let my tummy grumble.” Rather, he says, “Don’t give me any opportunity to sin against you by stealing. Father, lead me not into temptation, but deliver me from evil.”

Money can either help or hinder your ability to serve the Lord. So ask yourself: “What are your financial goals? Home ownership? College fund for the kids? Retirement savings?” For Agur, the top line item in his budget is “pleasing God.” He asks for godly character before even speaking about money: “Transform my character. Change my heart and make me holy.” That’s the heart-level desire which ought to shape our view of prosperity. So with a God-centered, God-honoring focus, let us move onward to the practical application of biblical prosperity.

The Practice of Prosperity

Hate dishonest gain Proverbs is far more concerned about your character when making money than about how much money you make. Early on in the book, Solomon had warned his son to flee unjust gain:

If they say, “Come with us, let us lie in wait for blood; let us ambush the innocent without reason; like Sheol let us swallow them alive, and whole, like those who go down to the pit; we shall find all precious goods, we shall fill our houses with plunder; throw in your lot among us; we will all have one purse”—my son, do not walk in the way with them; hold back your foot from their paths, for their feet run to evil, and they make haste to shed blood (1:11-16).

Hopefully, you haven’t ambushed anyone lately, but Solomon uses this extreme word picture to describe those who are greedy for unjust gain (v. 19). You might

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not be a professional mugger, but are you willing to cut a few corners for some ill-gotten prosperity? In 11:1, “A false balance is an abomination to the LORD, but a just weight is his delight.” In the ancient world, the balances of a scale might be manipulated by crafty tradesmen. Deceitful merchants would carry different sets of weights: some extra heavy for purchases and lighter ones for sales. It was like having a separate set of accounting books or fudging numbers on your tax return. True prosperity reflects the character of God. It delights in honest gain and abominates greed.

Give generously to others The opposite of greed is generosity: “One gives freely, yet grows all the richer; another withholds what he should give, and only suffers want. Whoever brings blessing will be enriched, and one who waters will himself be watered” (11:24-25). Now does this mean you should put a little extra into the church offering in order to get bonus blessings from God? No, that misses the point. A God-centered view of wealth will reflect a love for God that, in turn, results in a love for neighbor. As Solomon adds in 14:21, “Whoever despises his neighbor is a sinner, but blessed is he who is generous to the poor.” Generosity is the opposite of despising. So love for neighbor arises not simply from feel- good vibes. Instead, it exercises itself as acts of compassion. Later in 14:31, “Whoever oppresses a poor man insults his Maker, but he who is generous to the needy honors him.” Your love for neighbor reflects your relationship with God and your love for God shows itself in how you spend your money. Again, biblical prosperity is not about God giving us wealth to make us comfortable. It’s about us calling out to God: “Give me just enough so that I can serve you faithfully.”

Exercise diligence So if you want to be prosperous, Proverbs tells you to hate dishonest gain, practice generosity, and next, exercise diligence: “A slack hand causes poverty, but the hand of the diligent makes rich” (10:4). This principle is pretty straightforward: Work 161

hard, make money. Yet our natural tendency is to fight against this. We want to become rich while indulging in a slack hand. Every get-rich-quick scheme ever invented capitalizes on that very concept. So what are the heart-level desires which make us despise diligence? Part of it goes back to our view of money. We desire wealth to pad our own personal comfort, instead of blessing others with an honest day’s work. We also lack self-discipline: “The sluggard buries his hand in the dish and will not even bring it back to his mouth” (19:24).

Picture a guy sitting on the couch, his hand in a bucket of popcorn, groaning, “Sooooo hungry! So close, yet so far away!” The lazy person doesn’t even have enough self- discipline to bring his hand up to his mouth. An idol of comfort often stands in the way of our diligence.

Cherish rest Then on the opposite end of the spectrum are the ultra-diligent workaholics who are no better when it comes to idolatry. We might be trusting in a paycheck or placing our identity in the work itself. The Proverbs warns us against this folly also: “Do not toil to acquire wealth; be discerning enough to desist. When your eyes light on it, it is gone, for suddenly it sprouts wings, flying like an eagle toward heaven” (23:4-5). God has called each of us to make an honest living, but that living cannot be our life. Idols threaten to take God’s place and God will not allow it. Our diligence, just like our view of money, must be God-centered and God-honoring.

Keep an eternal perspective

Another prosperity principle we find in the Proverbs is the fleeting nature of wealth. Wealth tends to sprout wings and fly away (23:4), so this knowledge affects how we handle money. First, we should plan ahead in the here-and-now: “Know well the condition of your flocks, and give attention to your herds, for riches do not last forever; and does a crown endure to all generations? When the grass is gone and the new growth 162

appears and the vegetation of the mountains is gathered, the lambs will provide your clothing, and the goats the price of a field” (27:23-26). Keep tabs on your finances, not as your source of security, but as God’s means of sustaining you. A budget can be a tool used to steward the resources God has given you. Thus the fleeting nature of wealth should cause us to plan ahead today. Secondly, it should cause us to plan ahead for eternity: “Riches do not profit in the day of wrath, but righteousness delivers from death” (11:4). As the country song croons: “Never seen a hearse with a trailer hitch.”4 You can’t take it with you. At the end of your life, when you stand before the Lord, he’s not going to care about how much money you’ve made: “Oh wow, look at all that stuff I gave you. So impressive how you’ve piled it up.” What matters, of course, is our righteousness. Yet if we’re truly honest with ourselves and with the Lord, we have to confess that we fail in the righteousness department. We often trust in lesser gods. We have sought security in bank accounts, careers, or financial aid from others. We’ve been tempted by unjust gain, and chances are, we’ve given in at one time or another. We’ve sat around with full bellies and said in our hearts, “Who is the Lord?” We’ve fallen into the trap of laziness, feeling entitled to what we have not earned. Worst of all, we must confess times in our lives when we have traded in the riches of God’s Son for the trinkets and baubles of this world. The Apostle Paul describes the church in Colossians 1:7, “To them God chose to make known how great among the Gentiles are the riches of the glory of this mystery, which is Christ in you, the hope of glory.” The riches of this world are a pale shadow compared to the riches of the glory of the gospel: Christ in you, the hope of glory—the hope of eternal life in the presence of God. Jesus Christ, who died for your sin of greed, your sin of idolatry, your sin of laziness, and your spiritual deadness, now offers the hope of glory by his rising from the dead. So in Proverbs 11:4, “Riches do not profit in the day

4 Kristian Bush, Trailer Hitch (2015).

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of wrath, but righteousness delivers from death.” It is not your righteousness which delivers you, but rather Christ’s. He offers you his death upon a cross, taking the punishment you deserved, and placing on you his perfect righteousness. Proverbs shows us the path to prosperity, which ultimately requires an eternal perspective. A life lived wisely, centered on the fear of the Lord and rooted in Christ, will, in fact, lead to prosperity. We may not receive it in this earthly life, but with full assurance will prosper in the life to come. As Paul reminds us, “For you know the grace of our Lord Jesus Christ, that though he was rich, yet for your sake he became poor, so that you by his poverty might become rich” (2 Cor 8:9). What will you do with those riches? Will you squander it on the “meth labs” of this world or will you steward what God has given you in order to maximize pleasing him? Will you spend and be spent to be Jesus to others to bring others to Jesus?

Life Application Study:

1. What are your financial goals? What is the ultimate purpose of your money?

2. What opportunities has God given you to exercise diligence and generosity?

3. How do the riches we have in Christ impact the way you think about material riches?

Memory Verse

Proverbs 30:8-9 Remove far from me falsehood and lying; give me neither poverty nor riches; feed me with the food that is needful for me, lest I be full and deny you and say, “Who is the Lord?” or lest I be poor and steal and profane the name of my God.

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Resources for further study: Alcorn, Randy. The Treasure Principle: Unlocking the Secret of Joyful Giving. Colorado Springs: Multnomah Books, 2005. Blomberg, Craig L. Neither Poverty Nor Riches: A Biblical Theology of Possessions. Wheaton: IVP Academic, 2000.

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GOSSIP AND SLANDER: CHOKING ON CHOICE MORSELS

I. Recognize Gossip (Prov 10:18; 11:12-13; 17:4; 18:8; 20:19)

II. Resist Gossip (Prov 10:19; 14:15; 15:28; 16:28; 17:9; 26:20-22; 30:10; Eph 4:15, 29, 31; Jas 4:10-12)

III. Repent of Gossip (Prov 24:29; 25:23; 28:13; 29:25; 1 Tim 5:13-14)

In one country church, the preacher was preaching against liquor and the little old ladies all nodded their heads vigorously, and some said, “Amen.” He preached against gambling and the little old ladies all nodded their heads vigorously, and some said, “Amen.” Then he preached against gossiping and there was dead silence, until one little old lady whispered to her neighbor, “Well now, he’s stopped his preaching and gone to meddling!” That’s right! Gossip’s the hot topic as we continue exploring the book of

Proverbs one subject at a time. Our purpose is to show God’s Word sufficient for every spiritual problem we face in life. Now some of these topics are hard to hear and may even feel like meddling. Yet each faltering step along the path of wisdom develops character. Character is what comes out of your heart when life takes you by surprise. When that car cuts you off in traffic—when that coworker steals your idea—when a spouse shouts at you in anger, it’s too late then to start developing character. The only way to display Christ’s character when the trial comes, is to walk toward him one faltering step at a time.

Growing in character takes time like learning how to drive a stick shift.1 When you first begin, you have all kinds of instructions flying through your head: Put it in gear.

1 If you are teaching your teen to drive, you might go back and study the chapters on anxiety and anger.

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Bring one foot up and the other foot down at the same time. Not too fast. Not too slow. Turn on your signal. Pull into traffic. Aaaagh! You just stalled on a green light, backing up a line of honking cars. Learning stick is difficult at first—It’s stressful, but eventually becomes like second nature. So also, the development of Christ-like character requires practice. If a husband and wife are used to throwing around angry words, it may seem strange to both of them when one spouse responds to wrath with a gentle answer (Prov 15:1). If anxiety overwhelms us because of pressures at work or school, faith in God feels like leaping over the edge of a cliff. If we are so enticed by gossip that we go out of our way to hear it and out of our way to tell it, backing away may feel like cutting off our tongue. Developing Christ-like character feels awkward at first (and a little bit scary), yet repeated obedience eventually becomes like second nature. Late one evening I told my boys, “It’s time to brush your teeth and go to bed.” And one of them shouted, “No!” It was a reflex action. He didn’t even pause to think about his answer, yet the very fact that I had issued a command was enough for him to rebel. I was ready to unload, having already whipped out my parenting pistol. But then something amazing happened. My son stopped, almost in mid-air, while jumping on the couch. And he said to himself, “Oh, wait. Obedience means now.” Then he went off to brush his teeth. I was left standing there speechless. I didn’t know whether to laugh or to cry. Even funnier, my other boys were just as flabbergasted. They stood there grinning like Christmas had come early, because this was the first time after years of instruction and discipline that this particular son had shown any sign of comprehensive obedience. Now I know there’s still a ton of parenting to do, but that’s the story of slow sanctification in each of our lives. Christ-like character does not develop overnight.

How do I stop? On the subject of gossip there are three basic questions. First, how do I stop? You know you have a problem. You are already convicted and we haven’t even looked at

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Scripture yet. You know it’s wrong, but you don’t know how to stop. I want to offer you hope.

Why do I need this? Secondly, why do I need this? You don’t even think you have a problem, since no one would ever accuse your loose lips of sinking ships. Gossip just doesn’t interest you. I hope to challenge your self-righteousness. The old joke goes that women can keep a secret as well as men, but it just takes more of them to do it. Yet although men typically speak less words than women, we too can be guilty of gossip (see 2 Thess 3:6-14).

What does gossip look like? Thirdly, however, most of you are wondering what does gossip look like? How do I know if I’ve crossed the line? When is it right and when is it wrong to talk about someone else? How do I know the difference between gossip and a prayer request? We will explain the biblical definition and flesh out some practical examples.

Recognize Gossip In order to resist the temptation to gossip, we must first learn how to recognize it. Matt Mitchell provides a helpful, Bible-based definition of gossip: “Sinful gossip is bearing bad news behind someone’s back out of a bad heart.”2 Let’s take this apart one phrase at a time.

Bearing bad news First, “sinful gossip is bearing bad news.” Gossip is news—a “talking” thing which requires communication. Gossip requires both a speaker and a listener. Proverbs 20:19 describes the speaker who talks too much: “Whoever goes about slandering reveals

2 Matthew C. Mitchell, Resisting Gossip: Winning the War of the Wagging Tongue (Fort Washington, PA: CLC Publications, 2013), 23. This chapter is large based on Mitchell’s excellent book on resisting gossip.

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secrets; therefore do not associate with a simple babbler.” Then there’s the listener in 17:4, “An evildoer listens to wicked lips, and a liar gives ear to a mischievous tongue.” Gossip requires both a speaker and a listener. Gossips like to whisper secrets: “The words of a whisperer are like delicious morsels; they go down into the inner parts of the body” (18:8; see 26:22). These choice morsels are tiny tidbits of delectable goodness like your favorite snack: a bowl of chips, chocolate brownies, baby carrots. Whatever it might be, you can’t eat just one. That’s like gossip. It’s attractive and even addictive. We have a craving to devour gossip, but once we start it’s hard to stop. Once we swallow those delicious words, they go down to our innermost parts—literally, “the casket in our belly” which holds our heart. Those words embedded in our heart will eventually work their way out onto our lips. In doing “research” for this topic, I searched online for “gossip” and found, on one page alone, about one hundred links to various forms of gossip about celebrities, politicians, and athletes. It took at least five minutes just to skim the headlines and some were so interesting I was almost tempted to click the bait (again, for the sake of research). You can spend hours trolling the internet imbibing other peoples’ lives whom you don’t even know, because the internet is a clearinghouse for gossip. Proverbs describes gossip as a bowl of potato chips. You can never eat just one and it always draws a crowd. Once gossip gets down into our innermost parts, we cannot wait to tell the next person we see. That’s why we have talk radio and TMZ and Entertainment Tonight, because gossip is addictive. A celebrity break-up will even make it on the evening news. Then we think to ourselves: “I wonder why they’re breaking up.

Was there adultery? What’s going to happen to the kids? How much money will each of them split?” We ask all these questions with morbid obsession, because our concerns are in the wrong place. Divorce is a tragedy that has happened to this couple’s marriage, yet

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the gossip factory churns out bad news for profit. Bearing bad news can come in various forms.3 Spreading false rumors is a form of gossip called slander. We see that a lot in political elections, but it also happens in the church. Christian husbands have been falsely slandered as abusers and pastors kicked out of churches because of completely made up rumors. According to 10:18b, “Whoever utters slander is a fool.” The ninth commandment forbids gossip and slander when it declares, “You shall not bear false witness against your neighbor” (Exod 20:16, see 23:1; Prov 3:30). Another form of slander is bearing bad news for the purpose of shaming. It might be the truth, but it is a shameful truth. We seek to diminish one person in the eyes of another. According to 11:13, “Whoever goes about slandering reveals secrets, but he who is trustworthy in spirit keeps a thing covered.” Consider, for example, the Christians to whom Paul writes in Corinth:

Neither the sexually immoral, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor men who practice homosexuality, nor thieves, nor the greedy, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God. And such were some of you. But you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God (1 Cor 6:9b-11).

Suppose you know that someone in your church is a former adulterer, former homosexual, former drunkard, or former swindler. It would be sinful to spread this information for the purpose of shaming them: “Did you hear about them? Do you know about their former lifestyle?” When one of my sons says to me, “Do you know what my brother did?” My son is shaming his brother and trying to convince me to take his side.

Tattling is another form of gossip like Joseph’s “bad report” about his brothers (Gen 37:2). He was tattling to his father. This happens in the church as well. Say you see a fellow Christian commit a sin or do something foolish. Does Galatians 6:1 tell you to go find an elder? Does

3 Gossip is also wickedly projecting bad news for someone else (e.g., Ps 41:5-8).

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Matthew 18 instruct you to go tell the pastor (vv. 15-17)? No, Scripture is clear. If you see something, say something not to an elder or to someone in your small group, but to your brother or sister caught in sin. There may come a time to get other people involved, but to do so prematurely is a form of gossip. Even if you don’t know how to handle the situation or address the person involved, it does not give you license to gossip. Pastoring can be a lot like parenting. People often come to the pastor with grievances against others, so I’ve made it a practice of asking: “Did you try to work it out with them? Did you go to them personally, with humility, for the sake of glorifying God? I can certainly give you counsel. I can equip you to make peace with your neighbor, but I will not listen to gossip.”

Behind someone’s back Secondly, sinful gossip involves not only “bearing bad news,” but also talking “behind someone’s back.” Gossip, by definition, takes place without that person present. Gossip loves to be whispered in secret (see 18:8).4 A simple check is to ask: “Would I say this if the person were here? Would I say it to their face?” Keep in mind, however, that just because gossip is spoken in secret, not everything spoken in secret is gossip. Suppose you tell a person’s boss how excellent a job they’ve been doing. Speaking compliments behind a person’s back is not considered gossip. Or maybe you need wise counsel about a particular situation. It’s not gossip, for example, if you enlist a mediator to help resolve a conflict. Sometimes it is even necessary to share bad things behind a person’s back in order to warn others about them.

Parents might warn their daughter about one of her friends. Coworkers might warn each other about an unethical boss. Paul warns the church about false teachers. So how do you

4 Note the difference between gossip and flattery. Gossip is saying behind a person’s back what you would never say to their face, whereas flattery is saying to a person’s face what you would never say behind their back.

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know whether you are speaking gossip? You need God’s wisdom to discern the motive of your heart.

From a bad heart For sinful gossip not only bears “bad news behind a person’s back,” but also arises “from a bad heart.” Sinners gobble up delicious morsels, because we all have sinful cravings in our innermost parts. “For out of the heart come evil thoughts, murder, adultery, sexual immorality, theft, false witness, slander” (Matt 15:19). Evil speaking arises from an evil heart. The divisive person “is puffed up with conceit and understands nothing. He has an unhealthy craving for controversy and for quarrels about words, which produce envy, dissension, slander, evil suspicions” (1 Tim 6:4). “Craving” speaks the language of heart desire. So Proverbs 11:12 states, “Whoever belittles his neighbor lacks sense [literally, “he lacks heart”], but a man of understanding remains silent.” Sinful gossip arises from a bad heart (see 15:11; 16:2), for the heart is the biblical control center of our thoughts, emotions, and desires.5 It is the reason we listen to gossip and pass it on to others. So we must always be asking ourselves: “Why am I sharing this? Why am I listening? Why am I scanning their Facebook page? Why am I sucked into clickbait?” The Proverbs unveil a gallery of gossips—each with a different root motive of the heart.6 So as you walk past the mirror of God’s Word see if you recognize yourself in the gallery.

The first kind of gossip has a lust for power. In 11:13a, “Whoever goes about slandering reveals secrets.” The verb describes, “walking about” like a door-to-door salesman, a peddler who barters information for power, or a spy who sells himself to the

5 The same sin of gossip on the outside may have any number of root causes in the heart. “The heart is used here as an inclusive term to denote ‘the seat of the physical, spiritual and mental life . . . as center and source of the whole inner life, w. its thinking, feeling, and volition’ (BAGD, 1 and 1b). It is what the heart is full of (abundance) that determines what anyone says. People do not speak out of character” (Leon Morris, The Gospel According to Matthew, PNTC [Grand Rapids: Eerdmans, 1992], 321). 6 Mitchell, Resisting Gossip, 45-60.

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highest bidder.7 Smear campaigns make us feel powerful. Having the dirt on someone else makes us feel superior. We become gods protecting our own little kingdom. For sometimes, gossip is simply the currency to get what we want. Do you ever share something you shouldn’t or listen with greedy, itching ears to make yourself feel more powerful than others? The lust for power is one of the motives for gossip. A second kind of gossip is the discontented grumbler: “A dishonest man spreads strife, and a whisperer separates close friends” (16:28; see v. 27). This

“whisperer” murmurs bad news behind another person’s back, instead of openly complaining. The Israelites grumbled against God inside their tents (Deut 1:27; Ps 106:24-25). Every teacher’s lounge or workplace coffeepot attracts the grumbling gossip and the root of such grumbling is discontentment. We want what someone else has, so we complain and criticize. We try to make ourselves feel better by making them look worse. We gossip out of a discontented heart. Have you ever spoken evil about another person because you yourself were discontent?

A third kind of gossip is the backstabber with a heart full of revenge and desire for retaliation. This person slanders others with malicious intent like Absalom, King David’s son, who sat outside the Jerusalem gate and told the people what a terrible job his father was doing (2 Sam 15). He was angry at his father (see ch. 14) and taking revenge. Perhaps David even refers to Absalom’s betrayal in Psalm 41:

My enemies say of me in malice, “When will he die, and his name perish?” And when one comes to see me, he utters empty words, while his heart gathers iniquity; when he goes out, he tells it abroad. All who hate me whisper together about me; they imagine the worst for me. They say, “A deadly thing is poured out on him; he will not rise again from where he lies” (vv. 5-8; see Pss 55; 140).

David was beset by gossip and slander. His enemies were nice to his face, but malicious behind his back. His wicked-hearted enemies whispered about his impending

7 NIDOTTE defines rakil as “a huckster/hawker, a deceiver, or a spy.” It is often connected with the verb halak, “to walk about” like a door-to-door salesman.

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downfall. Certainly Jesus also knew the pain of betrayal, for he quotes Psalm 41:9 at the Last Supper to speak of Judas, his betrayer: “Even my close friend in whom I trusted, who ate my bread, has lifted his heel against me” (see John 13:18). The backstabber’s heart desires payback. Offended in some way, he uses words to lash out at others. Have you ever weaponized words against your enemy? A fourth motive for gossip is fear of man. We listen to gossip, then pass it on because we do not want to be excluded. We don’t want to be on the outside looking in.

This is classic peer pressure—mean girl mentality. The Bible calls it fear of man or the lust for man’s approval: “The fear of man lays a snare, but whoever trusts in the LORD is safe” (Prov 29:25). One person tells their friend about another friend, because they’re too afraid to go directly to the first friend. We don’t know what to say or how to say it or how the person will respond. Yet instead of trusting God in the midst of our fear, we avoid the uncomfortable confrontation. Or sometimes we hear gossip and let it go, because we don’t want make any waves. We don’t want to cause trouble because we love ourselves more than we love the other people involved. Have you ever been too cowardly to speak out against gossip, because you desired the approval of others? A fifth kind of gossip merely seeks pleasure. We find entertainment in the stories of others—a cure for the boredom. Paul writes that gossips are “not busy at work, but busybodies” (2 Thess 3:11), “going about from house to house and . . . saying what they should not” (1 Tim 5:13). He told the gossipy widows in Ephesus to get married and start having babies (v. 14). He told the busybody men in Thessalonica to get a job and quit their idleness (2 Thess 3:10-15; 1 Thess 5:14).

Beware of being the busybody in Proverbs 26:17, “Whoever meddles in a quarrel not his own is like one who takes a passing dog by the ears.” If you see your neighbor’s German shepherd behind the gate, don’t reach in and yank its ears. So also, stay out of business not your own. Examine your television viewing habits this week and ask which of your shows contain gossip: “Are you delighting in the stupidity of others? 174

Are you been entertained by fools?” This is not relegated to reality shows, but could even be sports talk or the evening news. Watch TV this week with an eye for gossip: “Do you entertain gossip with a desire for pleasure?” “Sinful gossip is bearing bad news behind someone’s back out of a bad heart.” So you must recognize not simply the presence of gossip, but also the root motive beneath it. Recognize gossip by asking simple questions “Why am I sharing this news? Is my heart motive good or bad? Would I say this to the person’s face? Would I want to be treated in the same way I’m treating them?” At the core of it all, gossip uses words to selfishly serve ourselves instead of loving God and loving others (Luke 10:27). If you wouldn’t want a word to be said about you whether in content, tone, or audience then do not say it about other people. We must first recognize gossip before we can resist it.

Resist Gossip In Matthew 12, Jesus rebukes the slanderous Pharisees:

Out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks. The good person out of his good treasure brings forth good, and the evil person out of his evil treasure brings forth evil. I tell you, on the day of judgment people will give account for every careless word they speak, for by your words you will be justified, and by your words you will be condemned (vv. 34b-37).

What if you were a pharmacist and couldn’t account for all your pills or a bank teller missing a few thousand dollars at the end of the day? Jesus declares that on the day of judgment, we will give an account for every careless word we have ever spoken. God is listening to our gossip. He is listening to our every word. So it is vitally important that we examine what we say: “Do you know where all your words have been? Have you misplaced any careless words?”

Tell the gospel story Sinful gossip began in the garden of Eden when a certain snake told a certain story about the Creator God. He slandered God’s reputation: “Did God really say?” (Gen

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3:1). In pride, he sought to take down God and his gossip found a receptive listener in Eve. She listened to the serpent’s gossip because she too wanted to be like God (vv. 5-6). “Gossip is believing the ancient lie that we can attempt to play God by destroying others with the power of our words.”8 Gossip spreads so quickly because everyone loves a good story. Satan’s gossip told a story, yet as followers of Christ we need to tell the better story. We need to tell the story about a God who could have said all kinds of shameful things about our sin and dragged us through the mud. Instead, our loving God sent his

Son to take our place—to feel the brunt of punishment we deserved—to be assaulted by wicked words. Jesus died to forgive our sin of gossip and wipe away the reason for our guilt. He died to give us life, empowering us to speak kind words. We need to tell a better story than the serpent.

Avoid uncharitable judgments Jesus gives us strength to resist our temptation to gossip. So how do we do this practically? First, avoid uncharitable judgments. As James writes, “Do not speak evil against one another, brothers. The one who speaks against a brother or judges his brother, speaks evil against the law and judges the law. But if you judge the law, you are not a doer of the law but a judge” (Jas 4:11). Tim Keller explains, “[To speak evil] is not necessarily a false report, just an ‘against-report.’ The intent is to belittle another. To pour out contempt. To mock. To hurt. To harm. To destroy. To rejoice in purported evil.”9 Anyone who speaks evil against another person is sinfully judging that person (Matt 7:1). We only gossip because we judge.

For example, you might jump to conclusions: “If one gives an answer before he hears, it is his folly and shame” (Prov 18:13). Say your friend comes to you and

8 Mitchell, Resisting Gossip, 37. 9 Keller, Tim, and David Powlison, “Should You Pass On Bad Reports,” Monergism (blog), accessed October 14, 2016, https://www.monergism.com/thethreshold/articles/onsite/passon.html.

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complains about her rotten husband. You are tempted to take her side. Instead of spreading whatever you hear as truth, you should suspend your judgment until all the facts are in (see v. 17). Be extremely cautious with hearsay information. For “the simple believes everything, but the prudent gives thought to his steps” (14:15).10 We must be charitable in our judgments, giving people the respect that we would want to receive ourselves. Being charitable in our judgments means putting our pride to death. As James writes in the context of humility: “Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will exalt you” (Jas 4:10). He then continues in 4:12, “There is only one lawgiver and judge [Hint: He’s not you!], he who is able to save and to destroy. But who are you to judge your neighbor?” When we pridefully judge others, we place ourselves in the judgment seat of God. We cast a sentence and call for punishment based on our limited human understanding. Yet God will measure us by the same standard with which we measure others (Matt 7:1-5). So Jesus continues, “Whatever you wish that others would do to you, do also to them, for this is the law and the Prophets” (v. 12). The Golden Rule applies to taming judgmental tongues. We must be charitable in our judgments of others. Consider the love of Jesus. “[He] is patient and kind; [He] does not envy or boast; [He] is not arrogant or rude. [He] does not insist on its own way; [He] is not irritable or resentful [and] does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth.

[Jesus] bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things” (1 Cor 13:4-8a). He knows the truth completely. He knows our failures and our sins. He could have gossiped about each one of us until kingdom come. Yet he did not rush to judgment.

He was patient and kind. He loved us dearly by dying in our place. If Jesus loved us in this way, then we should reflect his love to others.

10 We must also take care not to assume we know a person’s motives (see 1 Sam 16:7; 1 Cor 4:5; e.g., Josh 22).

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Speak the truth in love So be charitable in your judgments. Secondly, resist gossip by speaking the truth in love. Paul exhorts the church, “Speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in every way into him who is the head, into Christ” (Eph 4:15). He then continues, “Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear” (v. 29). The Greek word translated “corrupting” (sapros) means something rotten or decomposed. It speaks of stinking fish, or fruit gone bad, or a dirty diaper you forgot in the back of the minivan. “Jonathan Edwards likens our believing and spreading of a critical judgment to ‘feeding on it, as carrion birds do on the worst of flesh.’ That is what we are doing when we receive and circulate bad reports about others: it is like passing around rotting flesh.”11 Yet Paul declares, “We need no longer live in that filthy stench of sin. For the gospel transforms our hearts to speak the truth in love.” So how can we speak edifying words instead of corrupting ones? We must be slow to speak: “When words are many, transgression is not lacking, but whoever restrains his lips is prudent” (Prov 10:19; see 17:27-28). Gossip only happens with a lapse of self- control (11:13). Determine to speak words that are “good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear” (Eph 4:29). When tempted to speak evil, find something commendable to say (no matter how small). Share good news instead of bad, for “the lips of the righteous feed many” (Prov 10:21a). Say you’re preparing dinner and you’ve got a choice to serve your family rotten eggs or filet mignon. I hope the choice is easy. Yet too many of us choose the rotten eggs of gossip.

We also edify people by talking with them, not about them. Speak to the person face-to-face, instead of behind her back. Jesus makes it clear that if we know our

11 Ken Sande, “Judging Others: The Danger of Playing God,” Journal of Biblical Counseling 21, no. 1 (2002): 17.

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brother has something against us, we are to go to him and be reconciled before continuing to worship (Matt 5:23-24). Lastly, edify others by talking about God. Turn the conversation to spiritual matters. Instead of gossiping, learn to address “one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody to the Lord with your heart, giving thanks always and for everything to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ” (Eph 5:19-20). Take more delight in telling the story of God, instead of the story of your neighbor’s shame. Even if your friend does not know the Lord, you can still talk about spiritual things unlike gossip which constructs a roadblock to effective evangelism.

Listen in love So we can kill gossip by having charitable judgments, by speaking edifying words, and thirdly by listening in love. When you hear a juicy tidbit, ask God for wisdom about how to deal with it lovingly (Jas 1:5). Take counsel from Proverbs 17:9, “Whoever covers an offense seeks love, but he who repeats a matter separates close friends” (see

10:12). Sometimes the most loving thing to do is to let go an offense—to intentionally forgive—to not shame the sinner. For example, faithful Noah once got plastered drunk and fell asleep naked in his tent (Gen 9:21). His son, Ham, then went and gossiped to his brothers (v. 22). He delighted in his father’s shame. But Ham’s brothers chose to lovingly cover their father’s offense: “Shem and Japheth took a garment, laid it on both their shoulders, and walked backward and covered the nakedness of their father. Their faces were turned backward, and they did not see their father's nakedness” (v. 23). Don’t be a

Ham, but instead cover the sins of others. We need to weigh the gossip potential of every situation: “Why is this person talking to me? What are the possible heart motives?” Think before you speak: “The heart of the righteous ponders how to answer, but the mouth of the wicked pours out evil things” (Prov 15:28). It might be wiser to simply avoid the gossip entirely: “Whoever

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goes about slandering reveals secrets; therefore do not associate with a simple babbler” (20:19). Don’t hang out in the teacher’s lounge if it’s a toxic environment. Block a gossipy person’s Facebook page. Avoid friends who pass around rotting flesh (see 13:20). If you can’t avoid them (say they’re family), then find ways to redirect the conversation away from gossip. “For lack of wood the fire goes out, and where there is no whisperer, quarreling ceases” (26:20). If your friend is burning to tell you gossip, don’t be the wood for them. “As charcoal to hot embers and wood to fire, so is a quarrelsome man for kindling strife” (v. 21). Entertaining gossip simply adds fuel to the fire. Resist the temptation to swallow gossip: “The words of a whisperer are like delicious morsels; they go down into the inner parts of the body” (v. 22). Another way to halt gossip in its tracks is to go directly to the person being talked about (Matt 18:15). One pastor’s wife used this method effectively. Whenever someone would share unpleasant words with her about another person, she would go fetch her hat and coat. “Where are you going?” they would ask. She replied, “I’m going to visit the person you mentioned and ask if what you said was true.” Understandably, people became quite cautious about gossiping in her presence. Scripture describes what gossip looks like, so that we can recognize it. It shows us how to resist it with charitable judgments, edifying speech, and loving others as we want to be loved. The Proverbs also teach us to repent of gossip.

Repent of Gossip What do we do when convicted that we are gossiping? Is it too late? One author writes, “Gossip is like a fired bullet. Once you hear the sound, you can’t take it back.”12 The consequences are immediate, but long-lasting like a raging storm: “The

12 Lori Palatnik, and Bob Burg, Gossip: Ten Pathways to Eliminate It from Your Life and Transform Your Soul (Deerfield Beach, FL: Simcha, 2002), 3. Gossip is irretrievable. One rabbi tells the story: “In a small Eastern European town, a man went through the community slandering the rabbi. One day, feeling suddenly remorseful, he begged the rabbi for forgiveness and offered to undergo any penance to make amends. The rabbi told him to take a feather pillow from his house, cut it open, scatter the feathers 180

north wind brings forth rain, and a backbiting tongue, angry looks” (Prov 25:23). In ancient Israel, the wind rarely came from the north, so a north wind was hidden and unexpected. Likewise, slander slams into us like a thunderstorm. We have no time to take shelter. There is no warning. The icy blast of rain takes the farmer by surprise, destroying his crop (see 28:3). It causes terrible pain as in 12:18a, “There is one whose rash words are like sword thrusts.” As Thomas Watson writes, “The scorpion carries its poison in its tail, the slanderer in his tongue. His words pierce deep like the quills of the porcupine.”13

Repeatedly, Proverbs states that a gossip “separates close friends” (16:28; 17:9). Gossip can destroy a community (6:16-19). It is a sin deserving of death (Rom 1:29-32) and subject to the wrath of God (v. 18). Repentance is the only cure for sinful gossip and begins with confession— agreeing with God about your sin (1 John 1:9; Ps 51:4): “God, I know I have been gossiping. I’ve been bearing bad news behind another’s back. I confess it as sin and ask for your forgiveness.”

Confess the idol of power Confession gets all the way to the heart of the matter—the bad heart motive: “God, I was tempted by a lust for power. I wanted to make myself look better than her. Yet what I really need is Jesus. His resurrection power will conquer my sin of gossip. His incomparably great power now works in us who believe (Eph 1:18-21). Teach me to trust in Jesus who used his power to love and to forgive. He never gossiped or spoke evil against anyone. In fact, he covered my deepest secrets and most shameful sins with his

to the wind, then return to see him. The man did as he was told, then came to the rabbi and asked, ‘Am I now forgiven?’ ‘Almost,’ came the response. ‘You just have to do one more thing. Go and gather all the feathers.’ ‘But that’s impossible,’ the man protested, ‘The wind has already scattered them.’ ‘Precisely,’ the rabbi answered. ‘And although you truly wish to correct the evil you have done, it is impossible to repair the damage done by your words as it is to recover the feathers.’” (Rabbi Joseph Telushkin, Words that Hurt, Words that Heal: How to Choose Words Wisely and Well [New York: Quill, 1998], 3. An alternate telling of this story has the penitent person trying to place a feather on each person’s doorstep. 13 Thomas Watson, The Doctrine of Repentance (1668).

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victorious power at the cross. Help me to love with the power of Christ.”

Confess discontentment If I am tempted by discontentment, Paul reminds me to be grateful: “Lord, I slandered my fellow pastor because I was jealous about his success in ministry. I gossiped about my sister and her new boyfriend. Yet how can I be discontent when I have everything I need in Christ? How can I be jealous of others when I have every spiritual blessing in Christ Jesus (Eph 1:3)? No, I will give thanks in every situation (1 Thess

5:18). As Paul declared, “In any and every circumstance, I have learned the secret of facing plenty and hunger, abundance and need. I can do all things through him who strengthens me” (Phil 4:12b-13).

Confess a lust for revenge If I am tempted to seek revenge I will look to Jesus who “when he was reviled, he did not revile in return; when he suffered, he did not threaten, but continued entrusting himself to him who judges justly” (1 Pet 2:23). “Lord, I spoke evil against my brother because I wanted him to feel the way he made me feel. Teach me to trust in you, the sovereign God who promises justice either in this life or in the life to come (Rom 12:19- 21). You promise to repay every wrong either at the cross or in the final judgment.” Therefore, I will “not say, ‘I will do to him as he has done to me; I will pay the man back for what he has done’” (Prov 24:29). Instead, “If [my] enemy is hungry, [I will] give him bread to eat, and if he is thirsty, give him water to drink, for [I] will heap burning coals on his head, and the LORD will reward [me]” (25:21-22). Only in Christ can you overcome evil with good and find a way to forgive your enemy.

Confess the fear of man If I am tempted to gossip out of fear of man and wanting to blend in with the crowd, the heart solution is obvious: “Lord, I must fear you more than man: ‘[For] the

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fear of man lays a snare, but whoever trusts in the LORD is safe’ (29:25; see Luke 12:4- 5). I long to trust in your sovereignty and grace. I want to honor you more than I want to be honored by my friends. Teach me to do what is right with my words.”

Confess a love for pleasure What if my craving for gossip stems from a love for pleasure? “Lord, I take guilty pleasure in the stupidity of others. I love watching fools on reality TV. I talk about other people and listen to worthless gossip, because I’m bored and idle. I don’t have anything better to do. Thank you, Lord, for not treating me the way I’ve treated others. Thank you for your loving mercy. You never mock my foolish choices. In fact, you sent your Son to die for fools like me—to make us wise. So teach me to actively serve others and intentionally love them. Teach me that the Christian life is never boring when I am actively looking for ways to serve my fellow believers.”

Confess to those you have wronged

True repentance requires heart-level confession to repair our vertical relationship with God. We must then address our horizontal relationships. As much as possible, try to retract the sinful gossip. Seek forgiveness from those you have wronged. Knowing whom to address requires wisdom and discernment, but as a general rule, address everyone adversely affected by your sinful gossip. Once you have confessed your sin of gossip and done everything possible to retract it, then you may rest in the cleansing forgiveness of Christ. For “if we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness” (1 John 1:9). God is faithful to forgive.

He has already pardoned our sin of gossip by Christ’s sacrifice upon the cross (2:1-2; Rom 3:22-25). The gospel overpowers gossip, because Christ’s good news on our behalf forgives the bad news we spoke of others. The prophet Jeremiah asks, “What kind of tree are you? Are you ‘like a shrub in the desert’ (Jer 17:6) that’s dry and brittle, a fire danger waiting to happen? Are you 183

wood for the fire of gossip?” Or are you “‘like a tree planted by water, that sends out its roots by the stream, and does not fear when heat comes, for its leaves remain green, and is not anxious in the year of drought, for it does not cease to bear fruit’ (v. 8; see Ps 1:3)? Are you drinking in the clear, living water of the gospel from your roots? Are you steeped in the Golden Rule of love for God and love for others? A tree like that will not catch fire even when the flames come close. A tree like that will bear much fruit. What kind of tree are you?”

Life Application Study:

1. Discuss the definition: “Sinful gossip is bearing bad news behind someone’s back out of a bad heart.” How does this help you to recognize gossip? Consider specific examples about which you were previously uncertain.

2. Whom do you know that best exemplifies Ephesians 4:29? Share how that person speaks edifying and grace-saturated words to others.

3. How big a problem is gossip in your church? How would you address gossip if you heard it coming from a fellow church member?

4. What heart desires enflame sinful gossip? Consider the five we discussed in the gallery of gossips. What heart motive do you struggle with the most? Take a moment to repent if needed.

5. Watch your favorite TV shows this week with an eye for gossip. Listen to talk radio and evaluate your conversations with friends. What are some practical ways you can stop being wood for the fire of gossip?

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Memory Verse

Proverbs 26:22 The words of a whisperer are like delicious morsels; they go down into the inner parts of the body.

Resources for further study: Mitchell, Matthew C. Resisting Gossip: Winning the War of the Wagging Tongue. Fort Washington, PA: CLC Publications, 2013. Peace, Martha. Damsels in Distress: Biblical Solutions for the Problems Women Face. Phillipsburg, NJ: P&R Publishing, 2011.

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ADDICTIONS: A BANQUET IN THE GRAVE

I. The Trouble of Addiction (Prov 4:14-17)

II. The Terror of Addiction (Prov 9:13-18; 19:3; 20:1; 21:17; 23:20-21, 29- 35; 26:9, 11; 31:4-7)

III. The Treatment of Addiction (Prov 20:9; 23:1-2; 25:16; 28:13; Eph 5:18)

Picture a group of children playing on the grassy hilltop of a towering island in the sea. As long as there stands a sturdy wall before the cliff drops off, they can fling themselves into every frantic game and make the place the noisiest of nurseries. But once the walls are knocked down, those children are exposed to the naked peril of the precipice. Instead of freely frolicking, they huddle together terrified in the center of the island. Their joyful song has ceased. That’s a picture of the church. The theology we learn from God’s Word constructs the sturdy walls that paradoxically grant freedom and joy to us as created beings. It grants us freedom by establishing the boundaries we must not cross, protecting us from falling to our death (Prov 25:28). Yet within those walls, we have the liberty to worship, play, and express our love with all the creativity of our Creator. All of life is theology. Everything we do and say in life is rooted in what we think about God. That is the foundational principle in the everyday wisdom of Proverbs:

“The fear of the LORD is the beginning of wisdom, and the knowledge of the Holy One is insight” (9:10). Theology calls us to revere the Lord—to obey him because of who he is. Theology calls us to rejoice in the Lord—to worship him for who he is. Everything we do and say in life is rooted in what we think about God. That’s why we’ve been studying different aspects of life from the book of Proverbs. Instead of taking Proverbs 10-31 verse-by-verse we’ve been looking at topics thematically to build up a theology of wisdom. How do we worship and obey the Lord in those areas of life that are not always black-and white? Wisdom is knowing what to do when we don’t know what to do.

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In this chapter, we address the subject of addiction. Our society has identified all kinds of addictions, creating an anonymous group for almost anything: AA, NA, SA, VGA, OA, MA, GA, PA. Yet we need to understand that every form of treatment for addiction carries an underlying theology. Read the “Big Book”1 and it’s actually filled with all kinds of theology whether or not that theology aligns with Scripture. Others treat addiction as chemical imbalance or genetic trait. Still more point to family or environmental influences as the cause. Whatever the case, every form of treatment for addiction begins with its own theology. Only Scripture, however, provides a distinctly biblical theology which can explain eating disorders and pornography, gambling and marijuana. Scripture sufficiently addresses all of life’s spiritual problems. The Proverbs primarily focus on the problem of drunkenness with a few verses relating to gluttony, but the Scriptures as a whole show how we are all controlled by various addictions.

The Trouble of Addiction

The disease model In order to understand the trouble of addiction we must first determine whether it is sin or sickness—moral wrong or physical disease. Worldly wisdom, which has no category for sin, commonly describes addiction as a disease.2 It feels like a disease. It takes over the body and the mind. We describe it physiologically as compulsive, chronic, or debilitating. We use medical terms like relapse and recovery. We appropriate the language of sickness to categorize this type of human suffering and may one day prescribe euthanasia for addiction.3 If you have ever helped a loved one struggling with

1 Alcoholic’s Anonymous, Big Book, 4th edition (2001), accessed October 14, 2016, http://www.aa.org/pages/en_US/alcoholics-anonymous. 2 Heath Lambert, “Addiction: A Moral Problem, Not a Disease.” Association of Certified Biblical Counselors (blog), January 24, 2017. Accessed June 1, 2017, https://biblicalcounseling.com/2017/01/addiction-moral-problem-not-disease. 3 Mark Shaw, “Euthanasia for Addiction.” Biblical Counseling Coalition (blog), March 3, 2017. Accessed June 1, 2017, https://www.biblicalcounselingcoalition.org/2017/03/03/euthanasia-for- 187

addiction (or have suffered yourself), you know how much it feels like a disease. It may have started with bad choices, but it feels like a disease.

The drunkenness model Scripture, however, takes a different approach. It does not condemn the drinking of alcohol, but rather consuming it inappropriately. In our society, alcohol misuse may involve underage drinking, excessive drinking, and intoxication while driving, pregnant, or operating heavy machinery. As the psalmists observe, wine can make us “stagger” (60:3), but wine can also “gladden the heart” (104:15). So the problem is not alcohol itself, but rather drunkenness. Scripture always describes drunkenness as sin and includes it among “the works of the flesh” (Gal 5:19-21; see Rom 13:13; Luke 21:34; 1 Pet 4:3). Every example of drunkenness in Scripture reiterates the point that sin is deadly. Consider the drunkenness of Noah (Gen 9:18-27), Lot (Gen 19:30-38), King Elah (1 Kgs 16:9), Nabal (1 Sam 25:36), the Israelites (Jer 13:13; Ezek 23:31-34), and King Belshazzar (Dan 5). Scripture consistently defines drunkenness as morally wrong and mortally dangerous.

The influence of environment Certainly, many people are influenced by environment and physiology, yet Christians do not accept these influences as determinative. Maybe we have a low tolerance or a greater propensity to addictive behavior. Maybe we grew up around alcohol: One of our parents was a drunkard or they forced us to drink as a child. Maybe we live in extremely difficult circumstances or have suffered a terrible wrong and we don’t know how to handle those trials. Any of these environmental factors might influence us toward addiction, yet none of them are determinative. The primary source of addiction is not something that happens to us. Rather, it is us. For a faithful reading of

addiction.

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Scripture defines sin not as a disease, but as bondage or enslavement.4 As Jesus stated in John 8:34, “Truly, truly, I say to you, everyone who commits sin is a slave to sin.” The verb tense describes a person who habitual engages in sin. For sin’s desire is to enslave or control.

The plague of heart idolatry The heart of the problem is the problem of the heart, for addictions are inordinate desires for that which God created to be “very good” (Gen 1:31). In the beginning, God created man to be dependent by nature. We need regular food and drink, shelter and sleep (see Matt 6:31-32). God could have made us ethereal like the angels, but instead he made us to depend on him. God designed mankind to look to him for life and blessing, for “man does not live by bread alone, but man lives by every word that comes from the mouth of the LORD” (Deut 8:3b). Yet when sin entered the world, man began to look elsewhere. We started striving for autonomy and self-sufficiency. We became “lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God” (2 Tim 3:2-5; see Jer 9:23-24). We were still dependent creatures, but creatures corrupted by our sinful choices and our sinful nature. Therefore, we turned in our dependence to other gods, worshipping what the Bible calls idols (Exod 20:3-5). Ezekiel 14 even calls them idols of the heart (vv. 3-7). We became captivated and enslaved by the idols we worshipped. We were caught between wanting to trust in God and wanting to be God. This was the root of addiction not using the language of disease, but rather enslavement to idolatry (see Prov 5:20).

Addictions often start with a simple desire: perhaps for pleasure, or to quell curiosity, or to stave off boredom. We might desire to escape from certain pressures in life or from the shame of guilt. We don’t like the way we feel, so we try to change our

4 The Bible sometimes uses the metaphor of disease as a descriptor for sin (e.g., Isa 1:5-6), but overwhelmingly uses the metaphor of enslavement to idolatry.

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emotional mood (see 31:6-7). Mark Bouman tells the story how, as a child, he suffered terrible abuse at the hands of his father. It left him socially awkward so that when he got to college he didn’t know how to relate to other people. He was known as the weird kid. Then one day, he got invited to a party and someone handed him his first beer. He hated the taste of it, but he swallowed it down because he wanted so badly to belong. He kept drinking and started smoking weed to counteract his loneliness. He escaped into his own little world, eventually stopped going to classes, and got kicked out of college. Over time, he continued to drink, and spent years of his life enslaved as an alcoholic.5 Instead of turning to God for satisfaction and trusting our feelings to him, we try to manage the pain or elicit pleasure by human means. We try to live life our own way apart from God, so we turn away from God and toward the addiction. We worship the substance to get what we think we need. For addiction provides a temporary relief, yet we are compelled to keep on seeking more. We grow to love what our addiction does for us, even though we need more each time to experience the same level of relief. Like a pet lion which needs more and more food the larger it gets, we soon cannot control it. We grow dependent until our lover soon becomes our master. In fact, we make it our god. We crave it even more, though the returns we get no longer even satisfy us. Before we know it, we are trapped in sin. We are doing what we do not want to do (Rom 7:15, 17-19). For when we worship our desires, we are enslaved to our desires. The idolatry of addiction is

“voluntary slavery.”6 It starts with willingness—even desire, but ends in slavery and the consequences of bondage. An addict’s physical dependence on a substance may feel like a disease, but it is actually the consequence of sinful choices. We are so caught up in slavery that it feels impossible to escape.

5 Mark Bouman, The Tank Man’s Son: A Memoir (Carol Stream, IL: Tyndale House Publishers, 2015). 6 Edward T. Welch, Addictions: A Banquet in the Grave (Greensboro, NC: New Growth Press, 2012).

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A precaution against evil Listen to Solomon’s warning in Proverbs 4, “Do not enter the path of the wicked, and do not walk in the way of the evil” (v. 14). Solomon uses the metaphor of a pathway to describe a person’s lifestyle. You have a choice which way to walk. “Avoid it; do not go on it; turn away from it and pass on” (v. 15). Four different ways, Solomon warns his son, “Don’t even mess with sin.” “For [the wicked men] cannot sleep unless they have done wrong; they are robbed of sleep unless they have made someone stumble.

For they eat the bread of wickedness and drink the wine of violence” (vv. 16-17). These men are “evil-holics.” They are addicted to wrongdoing. Sinful plotting keeps them up at night and nourishes their appetites during the day. It all started with one wrong step down the evil path, but now they’re hooked. Now they are enslaved. Addiction is a terrible master.

Partners in the struggle Two things happen when we define addiction as sinful idolatry, instead of disease. The first is that we find ourselves reaching for the same life raft as the addict. We are all contaminated by sin. Instead of calling out from a place of safety, we find that we too are drowning in sinful idolatry. Our struggle may not be as blatantly public as the addict, but we know the specific struggle in our hearts. We are shop-aholics, workaholics, choc-aholics, ministry-holics, etc. The adulterer is “intoxicated . . . with a forbidden woman” (5:20). I remember one time preaching in a remote location with a couple of pastors who were suffering terrible withdrawal because we had no access to coffee. For example, those with children know the relentless temptation to idolize our offspring. We pour into them time and money and effort. We talk about them whenever we can and think about them constantly (even when we’re on a date with our spouse). All those are symptoms of idolatry, for we are tempted to worship our children. We make sacrifices for our children because of the way their gratitude makes us feel. We tie our

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identity to their accomplishments. If something threatens our children or hampers their success in life, we don’t drown our sorrows in alcohol or text the neighborhood drug dealer. Yet we may find some other way to sin: We’ll cuss out the Little League umpire or fight with our spouse about child-rearing. We’ll fudge some ethics to get them into a better school. We’ll defend a child even when we know they’ve sinned. We’ll do anything to protect our idols. Some call this parenting. The Bible calls it idolatry. When we recognize that we are all idolaters, we will approach the addict with greater humility and increased compassion. We are all addicted to something.

The promise of hope Secondly, when we define addictions as sinful idolatry, we offer hope to the sufferer. If the problem is genetics or biology or environment, we can’t change that. If it’s a disease, then there is no lasting cure and the addict will live in fear of the next relapse. Yet if addictions truly are sinful idolatry, then Scripture does provide a lasting cure. One man I met used to attend an AA meeting every day of the week. He remained sober for many years by human effort and accountability. Sadly though, he eventually died while suffering a relapse. We had shared with him the gospel which offered him the only hope for lasting change, but instead he tried to live life on his own. Now this, of course, may enrage the addict: “So you’re saying the problem is me? My desires and my choices are at fault? I can’t blame anyone else?” Being called a sinful idolater is not an easy truth to hear, yet this is where the gospel begins. The good news begins when we realize we are worshipping someone or something else than the

God who made us. We have worshipped our way into addiction, so we must worship our way out of it. The trouble of addiction is voluntary slavery. We willingly chose to chase after other gods until we found ourselves enslaved by them. The trouble of addiction then leads to terror.

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The Terror of Addiction The terror of addiction is the deadly consequence of sin. Watch as Lady Folly leads her guest to a banquet in the grave:

The woman Folly is loud; she is seductive and knows nothing. She sits at the door of her house; she takes a seat on the highest places of the town, calling to those who pass by, who are going straight on their way, “Whoever is simple, let him turn in here!” And to him who lacks sense she says, “Stolen water is sweet, and bread eaten in secret is pleasant.” But he does not know that the dead are there, that her guests are in the depths of Sheol” (Prov 9:13-18; see 1:21).

Lady Folly loudly touts the pleasures of addiction. She promises much. She claims the forbidden to be desirable and turns the head of the fool. She spreads a banquet of empty promises and all her guests will end up dead. We find some of these deadly consequences listed in the book of Proverbs (see 1:17; 2:18; 5:4; 7:22-23; 23:32).

Addiction severs our relationship with God Idolatry first severs our relationship with God. According to 19:3, “When a man's folly brings his way to ruin, his heart rages against the LORD.” He blames the Creator who made him and the loving Father who gave him every good gift (Jas 1:17).

He rages against the Judge who now convicts him of sin and stands in the way of his addiction. He is neither humble nor repentant as his foolish heart searches for someone else to blame.

Addiction breaks our relationship with others

Broken relationships then extend to friends and family who once were close. Addiction is a special kind of hell. It takes the soul of the addict and breaks the hearts of everyone around them. In 20:1, “Wine is a mocker, strong drink a brawler, and whoever is led astray by it is not wise.” Alcohol so controls the addict that this proverb personifies strong drink as the drunkard himself. You are what you drink. You alienate loved ones. You wound them with fistfights and angry words, car accidents and spending sprees, broken promises and unwise decisions. One study says that, on average, an addict will

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seriously harm at least ten other people. You may regret the harm you’ve done as an addict or you may have suffered the foolish choices of a loved one. Sin always damages our relationship with others.

Addiction leads to poverty Addiction also leads to unemployment and poverty: “Be not among drunkards or among gluttonous eaters of meat, for the drunkard and the glutton will come to poverty, and slumber will clothe them with rags” (23:20-21). Parties quickly lead to poverty and revelry becomes rags. Such are the consequences of overindulging our heart’s desires: “Whoever loves pleasure will be a poor man; he who loves wine and oil will not be rich” (21:17). Picture the prodigal chasing after pleasures in the far country (Luke 15:11-32). He threw lavish parties flowing with wine and the oil of festivities. Yet soon enough his money ran out along with his friends. The prodigal ended up feeding pigs and longing to eat their slop.

Addiction results in suffering Addiction also results in physical and emotional suffering. We find a vivid description in Proverbs: “Who has woe? Who has sorrow? Who has strife? Who has complaining?” (23:29a). The rhetorical answer is the drunkard. “Who has wounds without cause?” (v. 29b). The addict wakes up with cuts and bruises and self-inflicted wounds, yet with no memory of the night before. I remember picking up my friend from the hospital psych ward and seeing the slashes all over his arms where he tried to cut himself with a piece of glass. He had no recollection of the night before except what the cops had told him. “Who has redness of eyes? Those who tarry long over wine; those who go to try mixed wine” (vv. 29c-30). You can tell an addict by the redness of his eyes—the dilation of his pupils—that glazed, faraway look. The proverb continues with a warning: “Do not look at wine when it is red, when it sparkles in the cup and goes down smoothly. In the end it bites like a serpent and 194

stings like an adder” (vv. 31-32). Beware the consequences of sparkling wine. Like the harlot she is dressed in red and whispers smooth words, but in the end she leads to death. “Your eyes will see strange things, and your heart utter perverse things” (v. 33). The addict sees hallucinations and speaks hurtful words when he has lost his inhibitions. “You will be like one who lies down in the midst of the sea, like one who lies on the top of a mast” (v. 34). Picture a ship with a tall mast wobbling on the crest of a wave. So also, the drunkard’s head sways to and fro like a sailor in the crow’s nest as it rolls upon the sea.

“‘They struck me,’ you will say, ‘but I was not hurt; they beat me, but I did not feel it’” (v. 35a). The addict gets into fights because he thinks himself invincible, yet in his folly he does not even protect himself from blows. He simply says to himself: “When shall I awake? I must have another drink” (v. 35b). He doesn’t wake up to go to a job, or care for his family, or to seek sobriety. His only motivation for waking up is to find another drink.

Addiction removes self-control

An addict has lost all self-control (Eccl 2:10; Prov 29:11a; Eph 4:19). According to a Japanese proverb: “First the man takes a drink; then the drink takes a drink; then the drink takes the man.” Without the fruit of the Spirit (Gal 5:22-25), “a man without self-control is like a city broken into and left without walls” (Prov 25:28). He lingers in a sorry state of sin: “Like a dog that returns to his vomit is a fool who repeats his folly” (26:11; see v. 9). Sin is disgustingly foolish. A dog has no rational reason to return to its vomit and neither do the choices of the addict make sense. Yet that helpless feeling of being “out-of-control” to addiction is God’s judgment upon man’s sin. First a man desires an idol, then he begins to worship the idol. Finally, God gives him over to the idol. The trouble of addiction is worshipping sinful idols of heart which leads to voluntary slavery. The terror of addiction is the wrath of God’s manifold punishment against sin. We now desperately need to find the treatment in God’s Word.

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The Treatment for Addiction Idolaters need to be treated with gospel transformation—the good news of Jesus Christ. The disease model limits Jesus to the role of a helper. He’s just one of many possible higher powers who can help us cope with life. Yet if addicts are truly enslaved to sin, we must be rescued. We need a Savior. Martin Luther called this The Bondage of the Will—that we are helpless to change apart from the grace and the power of God. So we need to see our story in view of God’s greater story.

Creation God’s story begins with the creation of the world. In the beginning, all people were created to be worshippers, dependent on God. We had hearts that were free from sin and lives that were free of shame. God created us to be his image-bearers (Gen 1:27) who ascribed to him all glory.

Fall Yet at the fall, man succumbed to the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life (1 John 2:16). Adam and Eve were the first idolaters: “For although they knew God [and walked with him in the cool of the garden], they did not honor him as God or give thanks to him” (Rom 1:21a). They had access to all the trees in the garden, but they desired the only tree they could not have. So “they became futile in their thinking, and their foolish hearts were darkened” (v. 21b). They desired to become like

God: “Claiming to be wise, they became fools, and exchanged the glory of the immortal God for images resembling mortal man and birds and animals and creeping things” (vv.

22-23). They worshipped the idols of their hearts. “Therefore God gave them up in the lusts of their hearts to impurity, to the dishonoring of their bodies among themselves, because they exchanged the truth about God for a lie and worshiped and served the creature rather than the Creator” (vv. 24-25). Then because of sinful worship, they were cast from the garden forever.

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Redemption Thankfully, God had a plan to restore humanity, for his story is the story of redemption. God, in his mercy, rescues his children time and time again. In the Exodus, his people were enslaved, so he brought them out of Egypt with miraculous plagues and the parting of the sea. “Israel saw the great power that the LORD used against the Egyptians, so the people feared the LORD, and they believed in the LORD and in his servant Moses” (Exod 14:31). God brought his people to the border of the promised land, yet once again they rebelled in unbelief: “There are giants in the land and we are but like grasshoppers” (see Num 13:31-33). They did not trust that God would conquer on their behalf. So God cursed Israel to wander in the wilderness for forty years. Yet even in the wilderness, God would not abandon his people. His story is the story of redemption. As Moses reminded them of the covenant God: “You shall remember the whole way that the LORD your God has led you these forty years in the wilderness, that he might humble you, testing you to know what was in your heart, whether you would keep his commandments or not” (Deut 8:2). God sometimes uses the wilderness to remove the idols from our hearts. “And he humbled you and let you hunger and fed you with manna, which you did not know, nor did your fathers know, that he might make you know that man does not live by bread alone, but man lives by every word that comes from the mouth of the LORD” (v. 3). God will discipline his children out of love: “My son, do not despise the LORD's discipline or be weary of his reproof, for the LORD reproves him whom he loves, as a father the son in whom he delights” (Prov 3:11-12). So God’s grace is in his loving discipline, but also in his sustenance. He will send manna, even in the wilderness. Eventually, God led Israel to conquer the land and Joshua reminded the people again: “Now therefore fear the LORD and serve him in sincerity and in faithfulness. Put away the gods that your fathers served beyond the River and in Egypt, and serve the LORD” (Josh 24:14). Israel had a few good kings, but quickly returned to worship idols. 197

Yet even in their rebellion, God continued to send prophets who would call his people to repentance. His story is the story of redemption. Hear the prophetic hope of gospel transformation in Jeremiah 31,

Behold, the days are coming, declares the LORD, when I will make a new covenant with the house of Israel and the house of Judah, not like the covenant that I made with their fathers on the day when I took them by the hand to bring them out of the land of Egypt, my covenant that they broke, though I was their husband, declares the LORD. But this is the covenant that I will make with the house of Israel after those days, declares the LORD: I will put my law within them, and I will write it on their hearts. And I will be their God, and they shall be my people. And no longer shall each one teach his neighbor and each his brother, saying, “Know the LORD,” for they shall all know me, from the least of them to the greatest, declares the LORD. For I will forgive their iniquity, and I will remember their sin no more (vv. 31-34).

The addict may fail time and time again, yet God is faithful. His story is the story of redemption. God’s law declares the danger of addiction, but his grace transforms the heart. “Put away your idols,” he commands, “For I will be your God, and you shall be my people.” God accomplished this redemption by sending his beloved Son as the promised

Messiah (Isa 9:1-3, 6). Jesus was born into a fallen world. In every way, he was “tempted as we are, yet without sin” (Heb 4:15). He also overcame the serpent’s wiles in the wilderness (Matt 4:1-10). When tempted to fill his stomach, he answered Satan: “Man shall not live by bread alone, but by every word that comes from the mouth of God” (v. 4). When tempted to exalt himself, he insisted: “You shall not put the Lord your God to the test” (v. 7). When tempted to worship falsely, he countered Satan: “You shall worship the Lord your God and him only shall you serve” (v. 10). Thus Jesus is the second Adam who delivers us from slavery. He is our Exodus from the idolatry of addiction. He gives us new hearts that long to worship God. Instead of lamb’s blood smeared on a wooden doorpost, he shed his blood upon the cross. Instead of parting the Red Sea, he parted death itself. He rescues us from slavery as our bridge to freedom. He is our hope to overcome temptation.

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So Paul exhorts all those who are in Christ: “No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man” (1 Cor 10:13a). We all are addicts consuming our personal choice of sinful idolatry. Yet “God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability” (v. 13b). You are not hopelessly enslaved. You are not helpless against temptation. “But with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it” (v. 13c). He sent the Exodus and manna in the wilderness and the message of the prophets and the promised Messiah. “Therefore, my beloved, flee from idolatry” (v. 14). Because of Christ, we possess God’s power to overcome temptation and the strength to flee idolatry. Because of Christ we know the cleansing power of forgiveness (see Col 1:13-14). Because of Christ, we have a new master—no longer enslaved to the sin which leads to death (see Rom 6:16). Instead of a banquet in the grave, we will enjoy the banquet of a relationship with Christ. We will sing with David, “Your steadfast love is better than life, my lips will praise you. So I will bless you as long as I live; in your name I will lift up my hands. My soul will be satisfied as with fat and rich food, and my mouth will praise you with joyful lips” (Ps 63:3-5; see Isa 55:1-2). This is the gospel for addicts—good news for idolaters.

Consummation Then one day, we shall no longer experience temptation. We will no longer struggle with our indwelling sin nature. Our hearts will be fully tuned to Christ and our lives fully directed toward the worship of him. Yet until that glorious day, we must continue to apply the gospel practically to our lives.

Living out the story First, examine your heart: “Why did you heed temptation in the first place? Why did you set foot upon that path? What was your desire?” Addiction always begins with desire when you believe that someone or something can satisfy you more than God. The drunkard may drink to impress his friends, or drown his sorrows, or escape reality, or 199

feel the buzz. The heart desires may vary, though the sin itself may look the same. So first, examine your heart. The Proverbs then remind us of the key to change: “The fear of the LORD is the beginning of wisdom, and the knowledge of the Holy One is insight” (Prov 9:10). A biblical approach to change focuses on someone other than yourself: “So do you know the Lord? Do you trust his character? Can you express how your story fits into his?” Confession may look something like this: “God, I know I am a sinner. ‘Who can say, “I have made my heart pure; I am clean from my sin”?’ (20:9). I have rebelled against you, O Lord, time and time again. Still you promise that ‘whoever conceals his transgressions will not prosper’ (28:13a). I can’t hide this. I can’t pretend any longer. ‘But he who confesses and forsakes [his sinful idolatry] will obtain mercy (v. 13b).’ I belong to you, my Creator and my God (see Isa 40:12-15, 28-31). ‘By [your] wisdom [you] founded the earth; by understanding [you] established the heavens; by [your] knowledge the deeps broke open, and the clouds drop down the dew [Prov 3:19-20].’ As my Maker, you are deserving of my worship. So I must not worship other gods which cannot fill my needs. You created me, O Lord, with a divine purpose to display your glory (see Isa 43:6-7) and there is no greater blessing than to walk with you on the path of righteousness.” Confess your sin to the Lord, then confess to others. Be wise with whom you confide, but do so honestly. Too often, we try to keep our idols hidden and protect that which we worship, for “the heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately sick; who can understand it?” (Jer 17:9). Every addict is a liar,7 yet such lies simply serve to keep us enslaved. The Israelites told lies about how much they liked being slaves in Egypt

(e.g., Num 11:4-6). Idolaters will say anything to protect that which we worship, so Scripture implores us to share openly with trusted Christian friends: “Confess your sins to

7 Even secular models observe this. That’s why the first of AA’s twelve steps is to, “Admit you have a problem and are powerless to change.”

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one another and pray for one another” (Jas 5:16a). A healthy church is filled with addicts at every stage of transformation when we realize that we are all recovering idolaters. So you should be able to go to a fellow Christian: “Hey brother, I need some prayer. Can you encourage me from the Word?” Your small group should be more real and more life- giving than any anonymous group that’s out there. You should have friends who can come over to your house at any time and pour all your beer into the sink. As we share about our struggles, let us rejoice in Christ who grants us freedom from idolatry (Isa

44:6-23).

The Track for Recovering Addicts In Christ, you have every spiritual resource for change. Here are five practical R’s to lay out the track for recovering addicts. How do you remain walking with Christ instead of returning to your sin?

Rely on the Spirit

First, rely on the Holy Spirit. “The fruit of the Spirit is . . . self-control” (Gal 5:22-23). This isn’t willpower, but Spirit-empowered self-control. According to Ephesians 5:18, “Do not get drunk with wine, for that is debauchery,8 but be filled with the Spirit.” Instead of being controlled by selfish desires, surrender control to the Spirit’s desires. You do this not by letting go and letting God, but by letting “the word of Christ dwell in you richly” (Col 3:16). Every time you face temptation, run to God in Scripture and in prayer. For the Holy Spirit cannot control you, unless you are filled to the brim with the Word of God.

Report for duty So rely on the Spirit. Secondly, report for duty. Fighting temptation is a

8 This word describing reckless living was also used to describe the prodigal son’s behavior (Luke 15:13).

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spiritual battle (Eph 6:12). God gives you the armor and gives you the strength, but you are the one who reports for duty. You are the soldier who trains for battle (1 Cor 9:25). You take each radical step toward self-control and cut off the hand or pluck out the eye which causes you to sin (Matt 5:29-30). Set up boundaries and seek accountability. Use practical means to stifle the addiction. “Put a knife to your throat if you are given to [gluttony]” (Prov 23:2). Also, fight your sin in the realm of imagination. Take every thought captive (2

Cor 10:4-5) as God’s Word transforms your thoughts. Don’t simply settle for sobriety or savor thoughts of sin. Instead, envision both present and future grace:

See what kind of love the Father has given to us, that we should be called children of God; and so we are [present grace]. . . . We are God's children now, and what we will be has not yet appeared; but we know that when he appears we shall be like him [future grace], because we shall see him as he is. And everyone who thus hopes in him purifies himself as he is pure (1 John 3:1a, 2-3).

As you report for duty, realize that God’s grace is in the battle. For if you are not fighting against temptation, it means you’re dead. If you are not struggling in spiritual combat, you are dead in transgression and sin (Eph 2:1). Only those who follow Christ have received a new heart which acknowledges Christ as King. You are now free to fight indwelling sin: “For the love of Christ controls us, because we have concluded this: that one has died for all, therefore all have died; and he died for all, that those who live might no longer live for themselves but for him who for their sake died and was raised” (2 Cor

5:14-15). Jesus died on the cross for you, so put to death your selfish desires.

Remember God’s grace

Rely on the Spirit and report for duty. Third, remember God’s grace. God’s grace governs everything. God’s grace exposed your sin and got you caught. God grace brought loved ones and fellow believers in the church to insist on helping no matter how you hurt them in the process (Heb 3:12-13). God’s grace grants endurance in the midst of withdrawals. God’s grace answers your doubts and promises deliverance. God’s grace

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shines through the testimony of conquering believers and biblical witnesses (Heb 12:1). Remember that God’s grace governs everything.

Reconcile with others Fourth, reconcile with others—those you have hurt and those who hurt you. Addictions tear apart relationships. Therefore, go and be reconciled (Matt 5:23-24). Pursue peace in your relationships (Rom 12:18). Do whatever you can to repair the damage of your past sin (2 Cor 7:8-11).

Respond well even when you struggle Finally, respond well even when things go wrong. You will still be tempted by idolatry and the desire to worship false gods. They don’t just go away. Take confidence knowing you have the strength to resist. Even if you stumble, return to Jesus as quickly as possible. Don’t let guilt keep you distant from Christ. Run to the cross and embrace his forgiveness. Know that he loves you even when you fail. Trust he will grant you the strength to overcome the next time, and the time after that, and the time after that. The story of God is the story of redemption. So may God’s story be truly yours.

Life Application Study:

1. Have you ever battled addiction or helped someone who did? Discuss the nature of the struggle. How does the definition of “voluntary slavery” speak to your experience with addiction?

2. What issues in your past have influenced you toward temptation and sin? How have they added to your struggle? How do you know that your influences are not determinative?

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3. What do you think of the statement that we are all addicts who worship idols of the heart? How have you worshipped your way into “addiction”? How will you worship your way out of it?

4. What are some of the consequences of addiction? How can this suffering also reveal the grace of God?

5. Review the five spiritual resources for recovering addicts. Focus on one this week to help you fight against your specific idolatry.

Memory Verse

Proverbs 20:1 Wine is a mocker, strong drink a brawler, and whoever is led astray by it is not wise.

Resources for further study: Hoppe, Steve. Sipping Saltwater: How to Find Lasting Satisfaction in a World of Thirst. Epsom, UK: The Good Book Company, 2017.

Shaw, Mark E. The Heart of Addiction: A Biblical Perspective. Bemidji, MN: Focus Publishing, 2014. Welch, Edward T. Addictions: A Banquet in the Grave. Greensboro, NC: New Growth Press, 2012.

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LAZINESS: A LITTLE SLEEP, A LITTLE SLUMBER

I. Habitually Procrastinating (Prov 12:27; 20:4; 24:30-34; 26:14-15)

II. Hasty to Make Excuses (Prov 14:4; 22:13)

III. Haughty in His Self-Appraisement (Prov 14:23; 26:16)

IV. Harmful to Community (Prov 10:4-5, 26; 12:24; 15:19; 18:9; 22:29; 24:27; 27:18)

V. Hungry for Fulfillment (Prov 13:4; 16:26; 19:15; 21:25-26; 28:19)

VI. Humbly in Need of Heart Change (Prov 4:23; 24:10; Col 3:23-24)

Picture an apple tree growing in the soil of a toxic landfill. The fruit on that tree will be rotten—even poisonous to anyone who eats it. Yet the solution is not to replace the rotten fruit—to buy organic apples at the farmer’s market and staple fruit to the tree. No, the only way to save the fruit is to transplant the entire tree, because the problem with rotten fruit goes all the way down to the roots. So also, every fallen human being is growing out of the toxic landfill of our sin nature. The human problem goes all the way down to the heart. Jesus had a word for those who change the outside, but not the inside. He rebuked the religious leaders: “Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! For you are like whitewashed tombs, which outwardly appear beautiful, but within are full of dead people's bones and all uncleanness” (Matt 23:27). A fresh coat of paint cannot change the soul, for changing behavior without changing the soul simply makes us Pharisees. As Jesus declared, “Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! For you travel across sea and land to make a single proselyte, and when he becomes a proselyte, you make him twice as much a child of hell as yourselves” (v. 15, see v. 13).

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Parents, are you raising a Pharisee? Are you satisfied with outward obedience though your child remains rebellious at heart? Our world may be satisfied with raising Pharisees, but Christ is not. Our world may be satisfied with whitewashed tombs, but Christ is not. Our world aims far too low. We are experts at changing behavior— replacing rotten fruit. Yet that provides only temporary relief if we have not changed the heart. So we must study God’s Word not merely to learn the rules for right behavior. We study to attain the goal of transformed hearts which desire to honor Christ.

In this chapter, we will tackle the subject of laziness, but I hope you don’t come away thinking, “Yeah, my kid could really use that” (even though they probably could). Instead, I hope God’s Word convicts each one of you personally for where you have fallen short in the areas of work and laziness. Proverbs does a masterful job of describing the sluggard, deriding the fool, and projecting the consequence of foolish actions. The following six characteristics describe the sluggard.1

Habitually Procrastinating: Idol of Comfort We first learn that the sluggard is habitually procrastinating: “As a door turns on its hinges, so does a sluggard on his bed” (Prov 26:14). This proverb uses sarcastic wit to make a point: Picture the sluggard (maybe a teenager) lying in bed. The sun peeks through the open window, yet instead of waking he simply rolls over to the other side. He is stuck to his bed as if by hinges on his back: Creeeeaaak! The slumbering sluggard makes movement without progress. He has great plans to go absolutely nowhere in life. A procrastinator says, “Later,” when she really means, “Never.” Yet this is not merely a one-time event, but an ongoing pattern of habitual procrastination: “Why do today what I can put off for tomorrow?” A poem by Edgar Guest aptly sums up the nature of his life:2

1 This outline was adapted from Alistair Begg, Crazy Lazy: A Warning Against Laziness (Youngstown, OH: 10Publishing, 2014).

2 Edgar Albert Guest, Tomorrow (1942).

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He was going to be all that a mortal could be. . . Tomorrow None should be kinder or braver than he. . . Tomorrow

A friend who was troubled and weary he knew, Who’d be glad of a lift and who needed it, too, On him he would call to see what he could do. . . Tomorrow

Each morning he’d stack up the letters he’d write. . . Tomorrow And he thought of the friends he would fill with delight. . . Tomorrow

It was too bad indeed; he was busy each day, And hadn’t a minute to stop on his way; “More time I’ll give to others,” he’d say. . . Tomorrow

The greatest of workers this man would have been. . . Tomorrow The world would have known him, had he ever seen. . . Tomorrow

But the fact is he died, and faded from view, And all that he left here when living was through Was a mountain of things he intended to do. . . Tomorrow.

Failure to start Are you a habitual procrastinator? I’ll do my school project…tomorrow. I’ll fix the backyard…tomorrow. I’ll look for a job, start my diet, and go to the gym…tomorrow. I’ll pray with my spouse, disciple my children, and start reading my Bible…tomorrow. I’ll tell my friend the gospel…tomorrow. Tomorrow is the devil’s favorite day (see Isa 49:8). How many projects have you started and stopped? Does laziness ever impede your walk with God? Are you a spiritual procrastinator? According to Proverbs 20:4, “The sluggard does not plow in the autumn; he will seek at harvest and have nothing.” It’s hard work to dig up the ground and plow the hardened soil, yet the diligent farmer expectantly waits for the autumn rain. Once it comes, he springs into action, seizing that narrow window of opportunity. The sluggard, however, sits idly by as others plow, then months later foolishly arrives to an empty harvest. We are fools to expect success without putting forth the effort. We will never plough a field if we turn it over only in our minds.

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Failure to finish The sluggard hardly ever starts and even less rarely does he finish: “The sluggard buries his hand in the dish; it wears him out to bring it back to his mouth” (Prov 26:15; see 19:24). He sticks his hand in the bowl of pretzels and does not pull it out. One of the funniest sights was watching my children fall asleep at the dinner table while sitting straight up. One moment they’d be chatting away, then I would look over and see their eyes were closed. Almost instantly, they powered down like those furry animatronics at Chuck E. Cheese. The sluggard, however, doesn’t simply fall asleep. “To be worn out” speaks of mental and emotional exhaustion. He is not physically weak, but psychologically weary.3 He has no motivation—no initiative—no get-up-and-go. The very thought of doing work has made him tired. He is hopeless at completing tasks—even basic ones like feeding himself. He never admits failure, but simply stops trying. As Kidner describes the sluggard: “He does not commit himself to a refusal, but deceives himself by the smallness of his surrenders. So, by inches and minutes, his opportunity slips away.”4

Failure to work Work is good. We don’t hear that often enough, because we are surrounded by a society of sluggards. We worship the idolatry of idleness5 and romanticize the laziness lifestyle, for leisure has become our treasure. According to Aristotle: “The end of labor is the enjoyment of leisure.” So we start thinking of work as a necessary evil: “Everyone’s

3 “All the texts have more to do with mental and spiritual exhaustion than with physical fatigue; the word refers to the will and the emotions” (Helmer Ringgren, TDOT, 7.395). “Indolence is therefore one of the vices from which those whom it once infects are seldom reformed. Every other species of luxury operates upon some appetite that is quickly satiated, and requires some concurrence of art or accident which every place will not supply; but the desire of ease acts equally at all hours, and the longer it is indulged is the more increased. To do nothing is in every man's power; we can never want an opportunity of omitting duties. The lapse to indolence is soft and imperceptible, because it is only a mere cessation of activity; but the return to diligence is difficult, because it implies a change from rest to motion, from privation to reality” (Samuel Johnson, Rambler #155 [September 10, 1751]). 4 Kidner, TOTC, 42. 5 We are “idle” worshippers.

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working for the weekend.” We work so we can rest, when in fact, God teaches us to rest so we can work. God reminds us that work is good. So the Proverbs are godliness in work clothes. They call us to action, because work brings honor and glory to God. Purposeful work is a precious gift of God. God himself worked to create the world (Gen 1:31; see 2:1-3; Prov 3:19-20). Adam worked in the garden, even prior to the fall (Gen 2:8-15). Jesus worked as a carpenter (Mark 6:3). Paul was a tentmaker (Acts 18:1-3). Any time we engage in honorable work, we cooperate with the Lord in the care of his creation.

Work helps us to grow in character and to provide service for others. What kind of employee would you rather have: lazy or diligent? What kind of employee do you think your boss desires? The Hebrew word for “lazy” (Prov 10:4; 12:24, 27; 19:15) can refer to a poorly-strung bow which shoots arrows inaccurately (Ps 78:57; Hos 7:16). By contrast, the diligent do not simply work hard, but with intelligence and strategy. Their arrows hit the target every time. The word for “diligent” can also mean “to cut or to sharpen,” thus referring to a worker whose keen perception is razor- sharp. Compare the lazy with the diligent: “Whoever is slothful will not roast his game, but the diligent man will get precious wealth” (Prov 12:27). The sloth, although he hunts, runs out of food because he will not roast the game he bags. The sluggard is either a non- starter or a non-finisher. He is either a habitual procrastinator or one who fails to complete his tasks.

Failure to do good The sluggard desires comfort in his heart—an idolatry of idleness. He wants the easy life rather than a life spent doing good. Thus the sage presents a vivid picture:

I passed by the field of a sluggard, by the vineyard of a man lacking sense, and behold, it was all overgrown with thorns; the ground was covered with nettles, and its stone wall was broken down. Then I saw and considered it; I looked and received instruction. A little sleep, a little slumber, a little folding of the hands to rest, and poverty will come upon you like a robber, and want like an armed man (Prov 24:30- 34; see 6:6-11).

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It takes tremendous work to tend a vineyard: investment on the front end and labor throughout (see Isa 5:1-6). The vine keeper has to clear out all the stones and terrace the hillside. He must be both vigilant and patient to preserve his precious grapes, guarding against birds and pestilence. Sadly, the sluggard is lacking sense and corrupt at heart. He allows his vineyard to be overgrown with thorns and thistles, inedible weeds. A wall of stacked-up stones once kept out thieves and wild animals. Yet without mortar to adhere them,6 those stones would over time tumble and fall. There the sluggard lets them lay. He has taken something of great value and allowed it to decay. In this way, we are warned against indolent procrastination: “A little sleep, a little slumber, a little folding of the hands to rest, and poverty will come upon you like a robber, and want like an armed man” (Prov 24:34). The sluggard naps himself to death. He does not realize that all his sleep is simply practice for the grave. So ask yourself: “Do you habitually procrastinate? Do you have trouble completing tasks? Does your heart desire for comfort ever get in the way of doing what is right? Would your friends or your spouse or your parents say the same?” Don’t put off change until tomorrow.

Hasty to Make Excuses: Idol of Security

Failure to speak truth Besides habitually procrastinating, the sluggard is also hasty to make excuses.

“The sluggard says, ‘There is a lion outside! I shall be killed in the streets!’” (22:13; 26:13). Now certainly no lions roamed the streets of Israel, yet the sluggard will grasp at any excuse to sidestep work. Some of our stories to justify our laziness sound just as silly: “The dog ate my homework.” “Sorry, there was traffic.” (I won’t mention that I left twenty minutes late because I kept on hitting the snooze.)

6 “Geder refers to a stone wall without mortar, in contradiction to ḥōmâ, the large protective wall around cities and buildings (see 1:21)” (Waltke, NICOT, 2:299).

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Think about one thing you know you should be doing, but haven’t gotten around to it. Then think of all the stories you have told yourself and others about why you haven’t done it. No one ever says to their boss, “Sorry, I didn’t finish. I’m just so lazy.” Your child will never admit, “Mommy, I’m a horrible sluggard.” Even sluggards are ashamed of being lazy, so we devise excuses to hide our indolence. We can be so clever at getting out of work. If only we used our creativity to actually do the work.

Failure to invest in the future

Consider Proverbs 14:4, “Where there are no oxen, the manger is clean, but abundant crops come by the strength of the ox.” We must invest some effort to achieve an abundant harvest. Sure we might have to stock up hay and endure a smelly stable, but keeping oxen around really helps at harvest time. Parents, having children requires an investment. There’s a trend nowadays for couples to say, “We don’t want to have children. They’re messy and loud and expensive and frustrating. They’ll disrupt our careers and our choice in entertainment. They warm the globe and destroy nice furniture.” Yes, all this is true. Yet they are fears about making sacrifices to receive an even greater gain. Or what about the person who languishes without a job? “I don’t have clothes for the interview. I haven’t had time to redo my resume. They’ll never hire me, and if I go, I’ll have to pay for gas and maybe I’ll get into an accident on the way. Then if I do get the job, I’ll just lose it all in taxes and have to give up my government aid.” We make all kinds of excuses. Yet if God wants us to be working, we should spend our effort looking for a job instead of making up excuses. An excuse is just a reason stuffed with a lie.

Failure to trust God Yet what if the sluggard really isn’t lying? What if he truly is afraid? Anxiety can also make the coward lazy. He might start believing his own fiction that there are 211

lions in the street. The Israelites, on the border of the promised land, feared that giants in the land would take their lives (e.g., Num 13-14). They failed to do the work of God because their hearts were filled with dread. Sometimes we make excuses to get out of doing work, because in our hearts, we are too afraid to fail others (Prov 29:25a). We use our fears to justify disobeying God. We tell the Lord, “I can’t!” This kind of sluggard must address a heart of fear and the idol of security. So ask yourself: “Are you afraid to take a risk? Are there actions you know

God wants you to do, decisions he wants you to make, words he wants you to speak, but you’re too afraid to follow through?” Sometimes laziness is rooted in a heart of fear.

Haughty in Self-Appraisement: Idol of Pride The sluggard might fearfully make excuses or procrastinate for the sake of comfort, yet the sluggard is also haughty in his self-appraisement: “The sluggard is wiser in his own eyes than seven men who can answer sensibly” (26:16). He is the last to observe his personal failures. He won’t listen to advice. He thinks himself wiser than an abundance of counselors. He’s a know-it-all and no one can tell him what to do. Maybe that sluggard is you: “Have your parents ever tried to give advice that you refused to take? Have you ever looked at a teaching of Scripture, then walked away without changing a thing (Jas 1:22-25)? How do you respond when a superior expresses criticism about your work?” The sluggard has a heart idolatry of pride. He is self-centered. He doesn’t do the work he should because he’s only thinking of himself. He is not loving God and loving others. His greatest love is self. Yet that’s a problem because “pride goes before destruction, and a haughty spirit before a fall” (Prov 16:18). Empty boasting profits nothing: “In all toil there is profit, but mere talk tends only to poverty” (14:23). Young person, how do you react when your parents ask you to do some chores around the house? Are you gracious and willing or angry and defiant? Do you see it as a 212

way to serve your family or as a hindrance to your personal agenda? Maybe your parents are right: “You only think about yourself.” Your laziness may be the fruit of pride. Remember we are not just trying to change outward behavior. We can always coerce someone to work. We can bribe them with money or shame them into action. Yet we must seek to address the common heart idolatry at the root of laziness: Self! The idol of comfort seeks to pamper myself. The idol of security wants to protect myself. The idol of pride exalts my interests above all others. This self-centered attitude is always harmful to community and results in destruction.

Harmful to Community: Idol of Self- Centeredness

Damage to relationships In 15:19, “The way of a sluggard is like a hedge of thorns, but the path of the upright is a level highway.” Have you ever gone hiking and lost your way? Once you leave the trail, it takes tremendous effort to scramble through underbrush, up hillsides, and down into gullies. By contrast, picture how easy it is to walk along a paved road, straight and level for many miles. The way of a sluggard is like a briar hedge of closely woven thorns with gaps too tiny for even a fox to squeeze through. The way of a sluggard separates him from community. It’s just as foreboding, and much more painful, than a massive stone wall. It gets in the way of progress and keeps him isolated from others.

Damage in the workplace Proverbs emphasizes the damage of the sluggard in the context of the workplace. Laziness is harmful to his employer (If you’re a student, laziness is harmful to your teachers and your parents). According to 10:26, “Like vinegar to the teeth and smoke to the eyes, so is the sluggard to those who send him.” Your boss says to you, “Can you get this done by next week?” He hands you the task so he doesn’t have to keep thinking about it. Yet if he constantly has to remind you or even show you how to do it, 213

he might as well have done it himself. If you’ve ever dealt with an incompetent coworker, you know the frustration. They are like vinegar to the teeth and smoke to the eyes—not lethal, but definitely painful irritants. They leave you spitting and sour, coughing and crying. No one likes to work with a sluggard. Mostly it’s just vinegar and smoke, but sometimes the damage is worse.

Damage to self For the Proverbs also speak of the life-or-death consequences of laziness:

“Whoever is slack in his work is a brother to him who destroys” (18:9). Every now and then we read consumer reports about cars with faulty brakes, phones that spontaneously ignite, and pipes that contaminate drinking water. Sadly, some of these examples of negligence may result in destruction or even death. We can’t stop every tragedy from happening, but hopefully we stop the ones we can. We must not destroy ourselves with laziness. By contrast, there is good news for the diligent: “Whoever tends a fig tree will eat its fruit, and he who guards his master will be honored” (27:18). The diligent farmer is rewarded by the valuable figs, so also the employee rides on the success of his boss. The sluggard does not see his work as part of a team effort. He does not realize that if he’s only looks out for himself, he’s actually hurts both himself and others. The reward for the diligent is in 22:29, “Do you see a man skillful in his work? He will stand before kings; he will not stand before obscure men.” When you’re the best, you’re wanted by the best. When you have a reputation for doing good work you will find yourself sought after. In general, the diligent will rise to the top and the sluggard will sink to the bottom. The reward for faithful work is more and greater work: “Well done, good and faithful servant. You have been faithful over a little; I will set you over much. Enter into the joy of your master” (Matt 25:21; see Luke 19:16-19). Good work will rejoice in greater responsibility: “The hand of the diligent will rule, while the slothful will be put to forced

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labor” (Prov 12:24). Ironically, the one who fails to lift his hand to work, will be the one who suffers forced labor.

Damage to family Laziness, however, does not only harm our employers and our teachers, but also our family. According to 10:4-5, “A slack hand causes poverty, but the hand of the diligent makes rich. He who gathers in summer is a prudent son, but he who sleeps in harvest is a son who brings shame.” Diligence was a big deal in a communal agrarian society where the harvest was dependent on everyone pitching in. Therefore, a lazy son represents more than merely a loss of profit. He brings shame upon his parents, implying to the community that they did not instruct him in the ways of the Lord. Young person, whether rightly or wrongly, you are a reflection of your parents and ultimately of God. Realize that whatever you do brings them either honor or shame. So one good way to honor your parents is to fight the scourge of laziness. Laziness will also impact your future family. There’s an interesting proverb in

24:27, “Prepare your work outside; get everything ready for yourself in the field, and after that build your house.” In ancient times, building your house also meant starting a family. In other words, don’t get married and start having kids until you are able to provide for their basic needs. Only well-worked fields can justify the farmhouse. Now this principle, of course, can be taken to extreme. Some parents expect their children to have college degrees, well-paying jobs, and padded savings accounts before ever considering marriage. Yet 24:27 doesn’t say you need to be comfortable before starting a family, just that you need a reasonable way to pay the bills. So young person, if you want to get married, it will take some effort. A healthy marriage requires hard work to maintain, but first it requires hard work in preparation. You must labor at growing in wisdom and maturity. So ask a good friend or a wise parent about areas where you can grow, then get to work. Getting a job might require schooling or learning a skilled trade.

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Before marriage, you and your future spouse should also set a budget together and receive counseling from your pastor. Don’t let laziness be the reason your marriage falls apart.

Hungry for Fulfillment: Idol of Greedy Pleasure Observing the sluggard, we might think him absent of desires. Paradoxically, however, the problem is actually misplaced desires, for the sluggard is hungry for fulfillment. Hunger can be a powerful motivator: “A worker's appetite works for him; his mouth urges him on” (16:26). Work can be tiring, but still we do it to pay the bills and keep the lights on and put food on the table. According to Paul, “If anyone is not willing to work, let him not eat” (1 Thess 3:10b). Hunger drives a man to perform even the most menial of jobs. Yet though he is starving, the sluggard will leave his hand embedded in the food dish (Prov 26:15), for the sloth is lulled into sleep: “Slothfulness casts into a deep sleep, and an idle person will suffer hunger” (19:15). I notice this in myself when my wife goes on travel. She will cook extra food in advance, because she knows that I am lazy. I will neglect to cook for myself and for my boys. Again, the problem is not the absence of desires, but rather misplaced desires. I care more about my comfort and pleasure than even food. Poverty sneaks up on the sluggard. Have you ever heard someone say they are choosing not to work because their goal is to live in poverty? Yet how many live in poverty because they once chose not to work?7 Not even the sluggard’s cravings are sufficient motivation for him to work. According to 13:4, “The soul of the sluggard craves and gets nothing, while the soul of the diligent is richly supplied.” Now this is not a proof text that if you simply work hard, you will receive your heart’s desire. Instead, it

7 Realize that this does not condemn all poor people as lazy. Many experience poverty for reasons outside of their control.

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reveals that the sluggard gets nothing because his desires are fundamentally wrong. Ironically, the sluggard pursues satisfaction and comfort only to receive dissatisfaction and discomfort. The sluggard buys more house than he can afford and maxes out her credit cards (22:7).8 The sluggard invests in the pyramid scam. He looks for shortcuts and loopholes to fulfill his greedy pleasures. The sluggard’s heart problem is greed for worldly pleasures. He wants the wrong things or at least the right things in a wrong way. He is like C. S. Lewis’s child making mud pies in the slum because he does not know the meaning of a holiday at sea. “Whoever works his land will have plenty of bread, but he who follows worthless pursuits will have plenty of poverty” (28:19; see 12:11; 21:5). The Proverbs condemn all forms of greed, including “worthless pursuits” and unwise business ventures. In our study of truth and deception, we saw how greed could be a kind of laziness—the hasty pursuit of riches. For the love of money, the wicked take bribes (28:21) and practice stinginess (v. 22). They deceive their neighbors (v. 23), steal from parents (v. 24), and stir up strife

(v. 25). For love of money, the sluggard even overworks himself. Yes, workaholism and busyness can also be forms of laziness. We pour our life into worthless pursuits, while neglecting more important areas of life such as faith and family. We are selectively lazy. We are not diligent to seek intentional and profitable rest. The wise person works with what God gives him both in resources and opportunities, while the fool keeps waiting for something better that might not ever come. Ever talk to a struggling actor or musician? It’s not wrong to chase our dreams, but we must acknowledge when those dreams are not in the will of God. God didn’t gift all of us to be record-label musicians. He hasn’t sovereignly dropped Oscar-worthy roles into our laps. According to 21:25-26, “The desire of the sluggard kills him, for his hands refuse to

8 In the words of one adage: “When your outgo exceeds your income, then your upkeep is your downfall.”

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labor. All day long he craves and craves, but the righteous gives and does not hold back.” The sluggard wants and wants, but he will not work, whereas the righteous are generous and hardworking. The sluggard simply seeks his own desires, yet desire divorced from diligence results in endless whining about daydreams dashed. Consider the conflicting desires of the sluggard. She wants that gig which promises payout and popularity. She is greedy for selfish pleasure. Yet she skips the audition because it’s too much work to prepare or because she’s afraid to fail. Her pride is at the same time what drives her to success and also what paralyzes her from trying. The sluggard’s conflicting desires cause her to keep on doing nothing. God himself wants us to ultimately desire him and he promises to never disappoint.

Humbly in Need of Heart Change Therefore, the sluggard is humbly in need of change. Let me use the example of not reading our Bibles. There are times in each of our lives when we neglect the regular study of God’s Word. We know we are spiritually lazy, but we don’t realize that the problem goes all the way down to the heart. We can’t just will ourselves to action. We must have transformed hearts. Therefore, “keep your heart with all vigilance, for from it flow the springs of life” (Prov 4:23).

Confess the idol of comfort

Admit to being a habitual procrastinator: “I’ll do it tomorrow. I’ll start a new reading plan on January 1.” Why do we say this? Because we find greater comfort being in bed, whether morning or at night. We turn on our bed like a door turns on its hinges.

So we must come before the Lord admitting that our desire for comfort is greater than our desire for his Word.

Confess the idol of security Recognize your haste to make excuses: “If I don’t get to work on time, my

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boss will kill me. If I don’t make breakfast and pack the lunches, my kids won’t eat all day. What if the Bible says something I don’t want to hear?” We come up with all different kinds of reasons to justify our laziness. Instead we need to ask, “God, teach me to order my priorities rightly. Teach me to fear you more than I seek the approval of others. Expose my excuses as lame and insufficient.”

Confess the idol of pride Confess your prideful thoughts: “God, I don’t need to read the Bible. I already know what it says. I teach the Bible studies. I preach the sermons. I’ve been a Christian for decades. It won’t hurt if I skip a day or two which turns into a week, then a month, and a year.” We think we are wiser in our own eyes, than seven men who can answer sensibly (26:16). We must confess, “God, I’ve been so proud. I’ve been trying to live my life without your instruction—without your teaching. I’ve been foolish not to study your Word.”

Confess the idol of self-centeredness Perhaps you do not spend time with God because you care only for yourself: “God, I just don’t have the time. I’m rushing to get the kids to school or to finish up this deadline. I should have more time next week. I promise.” God is honored when you make him your priority. Don’t leave him second-best. If you find yourself putting your interests ahead of him, then confess the idol of self-centeredness: “God, I am a selfish person. I have centered my life around myself: my job, my family, my needs, my wants. Teach me to live a life devoted to you. Help me to die to self and live for Christ. Show me the joy of faithfully studying your Word.”

Confess the idol of greed Or maybe you are greedy for selfish pleasure. You don’t have time for God’s Word because you’re working 80 hours a week or staying up late binge-watching your

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favorite show. A lust for pleasure often makes us lazy with our time. You click on Facebook to spy on your friends, yet by the time you sign off you’re too exhausted for anything but sleep. Maybe in your greed, you’ve taken shortcuts or acted dishonestly. You haven’t opened up God’s Word because you know it will convict you of your sins. Approach of the throne of grace: “God, I’ve been living for myself—pursuing greedy pleasures. I’ve cast you aside so I could be king. Would you humble me and change my heart?”

Change in both heart and behavior Once you have confessed your heart idolatry, then recognize the countless benefits change will bring both to yourself and others in community. God’s Word applied will always bless you. In fact, if all of us fully lived out the wisdom of Scripture, we wouldn’t have marital conflicts, rebellious hearts, or the sins that so easily entangle. Do you know how to apply God’s Word to yourself and to others? Say your classmate fears the government will deport her undocumented parents. Do you know God’s Word well enough to care for her? When you see friends dealing with addictions or other sin issues, do you know how Scripture brings counsel to their lives? When you are tempted to materialism or workaholism, does God’s commentary on money convict your soul? If you know God’s Word, you will be an effective minister to others in need. If you are too lazy to study the Word of God, however, then you will be of no spiritual good to yourself or those around you. Some missionaries we support in Honduras recently had to dig a well to provide water for a new medical clinic. Yet what if they were too lazy to dig that well? What if they made all kinds of excuses? There might not be a medical clinic. Many lives would not be saved—both physically and spiritually. Likewise, when we are too lazy to dig for living water in the Word of God, we won’t have anything to offer to those around us. Genuine heart change begins by fixing our eyes on Jesus Christ who has

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commissioned us to make disciples (Matt 28:18-20). So disobeying his command to make disciples constitutes an act of laziness. We might be lovers of comfort or pleasure. We might be afraid or seeking the approval of man. We might be proud and self- centered, motivated by greed or lack of generosity. Yet that was not the heart of Jesus. Our Lord never procrastinated or made excuses. He declared, “My Father is working until now, and I Myself am working” (John 5:17, NAU) and “my food is to do the will of him who sent me and to accomplish his work” (4:34). Jesus was not proud, but humble— not self-centered, but looking out for the interests of others (Phil 2:4). He did not remain in heaven—in the comfort of his Father’s house (v. 6), “but made himself nothing, taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men. And being found in human form, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross” (vv. 7-8). Jesus did not wallow in his cravings or submit to his own desires. He took the harm upon himself, so that we might not be harmed. At the cross, he showed us by example the humility of sacrifice. At the cross, he revealed that all comfort and security and approval was found in him. At the cross, he conquered the sin of laziness and pardoned God’s wrath against the sluggard. Then after the cross, he rose again victorious. He finished the work for which his Father had sent him. He accomplished salvation for repentant sinners. He set us free from the foolish desires of laziness, so we now can live our lives for him.

Our work reflects who we are in Christ and the truths we boldly proclaim. Our diligence and faithfulness reflect his glory. Therefore, Paul writes, “Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men, knowing that from the Lord you will receive the inheritance as your reward. You are serving the Lord Christ” (Col 3:23-24). This week as you go to work or school or set out to do the task before you, do your work as if serving Jesus Christ himself (because you are). So may he reward you for the work you have done for him.

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Life Application Study:

1. In what ways do you procrastinate? What are some projects you have started, but never completed? Ask a friend or family member if they would consider you a lazy person.

2. The Bible defines work as good, yet most of us complain about work all the time. How do we biblically explain this contradiction? How can God’s perspective shape our attitude toward work?

3. How might each of these heart desires be possible roots for laziness: Comfort, security, pride, greed for pleasure, self-centeredness. Which desires do you struggle with the most and how do you root them out?

4. What harm has your laziness done to yourself and others? What is the potential damage? How can diligently working for the Lord be a specific way to love God and love your neighbor?

Memory Verse

Proverbs 24:33-34 A little sleep, a little slumber, a little folding of the hands to rest, and poverty will come upon you like a robber, and want like an armed man.

Resources for further study: Begg, Alistair. Crazy Lazy: A Warning Against Laziness. Youngstown, OH: 10Publishing, 2014. DeYoung, Kevin. Crazy Busy: A (Mercifully) Short Book About a (Really) Big Problem. Wheaton: Crossway, 2013.

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GUIDANCE: COMMIT YOUR WORKS TO THE LORD

I. Grow in Doctrine (Prov 16:9, 33; 21:30-31; 27:1; Deut 29:29; Eph 1:11)

II. Grow in Character (Prov 4:25-27; 11:3; 16:1-3; 21:1-5)

III. Grow in Wisdom (Prov 1:5; 2:1-6; 3:5-6)

IV. Grow in Community (Prov 11:14; 12:15, 26; 18:1)

We all make decisions every single day. Some are as mundane as what to wear or what to eat for lunch, but others are as life-changing as the person we marry or whether to believe in Jesus. Some decisions are immediate like what to say to a friend in distress, but some decisions develop over time like changing careers mid-life. The truth is though, we make thousands of decisions every day which either reflect or determine the trajectory of our life. They either show where we have been or they show where we are going. Taking some examples from the Bible: Adam and Eve had a choice whether to eat that piece of fruit. Solomon had a choice about building the temple of God. Jesus made a choice to go to the cross. Yet those decisions were not made in a vacuum. So also, the decisions we make either reflect or determine the trajectory of our life. So the burning question for all of us is how to make the right decisions. You may currently be wrestling with a decision. That’s good! It’s a tangible opportunity to apply what you learn from this chapter, for the Proverbs teach us wisdom to make decisions when the answers are not black-and-white.

Now one of the challenges about raising boys is that they are perpetually hungry (except at mealtimes when they like to mess around). So I often have to remind my boys, “No, you may not have a snack half-an-hour before dinner.” When they’re young, we teach them that sugar is not a food group and, “Yes, you do have to eat your vegetables.” When children are young, we make most of their decisions for them. Yet as

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they grow up, we start to teach them more responsibility: “What do you think about your friend’s comment? What’s the right thing to do in this situation? What are some of the various ways you can spend your Christmas money? What makes that college better than this one over here?” We train our children how to make decisions on their own, so that when they leave us they possess that wisdom for themselves. Say my son goes off to college and one day gives me a call: “Hey dad. The guys are going out for pizza Friday night. Can I go? Can I?” I would say to him, “Son, that’s your choice. I have trained you to make wise choices and I’m always here to talk, but I will not make your every decision.” We all know there’s something wrong if we treat our children the same at twenty years as we did at twenty months. That’s the principle we see in Scripture, for God’s Word is not a topical index providing answers for all of life’s decisions. Rather, God’s Word is a conversation with our Creator which guides us into a relationship with him. Proverbs has much to say about choosing the right path, acting in wisdom, receiving blessed rewards, and avoiding deadly consequences. Yet underlying all of that is the fear of the Lord as the basis of wisdom. Too often, we focus on the decision itself: “Which school? Which job? Which spouse? Which church? Which city?” Yet God’s primary purpose in decision-making is not for us to make the right choice, but to help us mature as we grow in relationship with him. So at the end of each decision, ask yourself: “Have I grown in reverent obedience and worshipful joy in the Lord my God?” With that in mind, let us examine four areas of growth in which the Lord guides us: doctrine, character, wisdom, and community.

Grow in Doctrine1 First, he guides us to grow in doctrine. Making decisions is all about theology—the study of God, for what you think about God will determine the way you

1 You can learn more about theology for life in the chapter on The Attributes of God.

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make decisions. The sovereign God is King of the universe, King of our nation, and King of our lives. He possesses absolute authority to do all things according to his own good pleasure.2 He is the Creator and Sustainer of all that is. For he alone is wise, and loving, and righteous enough to determine what shall become of his creation.3 Closely related to sovereignty is what we call the providence of God. This means that God orders and governs the world and history toward conformity with his eternal plan.4 He foreordains all things according to his design and purpose.5

God is sovereign over rulers This teaching is clear in Proverbs. For example, the Lord is sovereign over rulers, “The king's heart is a stream of water in the hand of the LORD; he turns it wherever he will” (Prov 21:1). The most powerful aspect (the heart) of the most powerful man is under God’s control. And this stream of water is not just a river which turns this way and that, but the term describing an artificial canal. God, if you will, designs and builds an aqueduct to direct kings and nations for his intentional purposes. In one example, God used a census by a pagan Caesar to move his Son from Nazareth to Bethlehem for the fulfillment of Micah’s prophecy (Mic 5:2; Luke 2:1-5). The Lord is sovereign over rulers and nations.

God is sovereign over events

The Lord also sovereignly controls events, for he is wiser than any man: “No wisdom, no understanding, no counsel can avail against the LORD. The horse is made

2 Dan 4:25, 35; Rom 9:15-23; 1 Tim 6:15; Rev 4:11. 3 E.g., Ps 115:3; Isa 45:5-7; 46:8-11; Rom 9:11, 15; Eph 1:11. 4 Pss 18:35; 63:8; Acts 17:28; Col 1:17; Heb 1:3. “Providence is the almighty and ever present power of God by which he upholds, as with his hand, heaven and earth and all creatures, and so rules them that leaf and blade, rain and drought, fruitful and lean years, food and drink, health and sickness, prosperity and poverty—all things, in fact, come to us not by chance, but from his fatherly hand” (Heidelberg Catechism [originally published 1563]). 5 E.g., 2 Chr 19:7; see Rom 11:15; Ps 139:16; Prov 16:4; Matt 10:29-30; Acts 4:27-28; Rom 9:18, 20-24; Gen 50:20.

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ready for the day of battle, but the victory belongs to the LORD” (Prov 21:30-31). We may think we know all about war horses and weapon systems. We enter into battle or business with all the skill we can muster. It’s not wrong to make those plans. It’s not wrong to be talented in our field, yet God is the one who makes those plans succeed or fail. The Lord sovereignly controls events.

God is sovereign over the future The Lord is also sovereign over the future, “Do not boast about tomorrow, for you do not know what a day may bring” (27:1). We don’t, but God does (Jas 4:13-16; Matt 6:19-34). We are humbled by his providence. We do not really know if that job is going to work out or if the stock market will rise or if the kids will turn out right, but God does. God knows the future.

God is sovereign in the details The Lord is even sovereign over the seemingly insignificant details of life.

According to Proverbs 16:33, “The lot is cast into the lap, but its every decision is from the LORD.” He governs details which seem as random as a coin flip. The ancients carried around stones that they would throw like dice to help them make decisions. They had cast lots to divvy up the promised land (Josh 18:6), to choose the goat for the sacrifice (Lev 16:8), and to find out that Achan was a guilty thief (Josh 7:14-18). Before the coming of the Holy Spirit (John 16:8; 17:17), God would supernaturally govern the casting of lots to help his people make decisions. So God controls every detail from the spinning of the earth to whether a coin is heads or tails. His providence even includes these secondary means to accomplish his good purpose.

God’s decree and God’s desire Understanding the sovereignty of God, therefore, guides us to grow in doctrine and helps us to discern two different aspects of God’s will: The first is God’s will of

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decree. This is the sovereign will of God “who works all things according to the counsel of his will [of decree]” (Eph 1:11b). How do we know God’s will of decree? It’s simply whatever happens. If something happens, God willed it to happen. In the words of Augustine, “The will of God is the necessity of all things.” Secondly, there is God’s will of desire:6 sometimes called his preceptive will or his revealed will. How do we know God’s will of desire? God reveals exactly what he desires in his Word. For example, Solomon’s exhortation to “trust in the LORD with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding” (Prov 3:5) is God’s will of desire. Sadly, sinful human beings do not always do what God desires, though as Christians we strive to do this will of God by the grace of God. Deuteronomy 29:29 may help us understand these two aspects of God’s will: “The secret things belong to the LORD our God [his will of decree—his sovereign plan], but the things that are revealed [his will of desire—God’s Word revealed] belong to us and to our children forever, that we may do all the words of this law.” So here’s the problem most of us have: We spend an inordinate amount of time trying to discern God’s will of decree when instead we should focus mainly on his will of desire. Why seek God’s will of decree if he will accomplish it no matter what happens? Why seek God’s will of decree if we cannot know it with certainty until after it takes place? Instead, we should focus on God’s will of desire which is an open book before us—his holy Word.

Why seek what we cannot change and what we cannot know, when what we can know has already been written down in Scripture? For example, consider matrimony. It may sound unromantic, but there is not

“the one” spouse which you must find like some Waldo in a sea of weirdos. Certainly God has decreed the name of your future spouse (if his will is that you marry). Yet

6 E.g., Ps 73:24; Matt 7:21; Heb 13:20-21; 1 John 2:15-17. Both God’s will of decree and will of desire are found together in Deuteronomy 29:29.

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instead of begging God to unveil his secret plan, just read his Word. When I married my wife, I knew from Scripture that God wanted me to find a Christian woman who loved the Lord (Mal 2:11; 1 Cor 7:39; 2 Cor 6:14). The Bible told me to find a woman who attracted me both physically and emotionally—a wife of my youth in whom I could rejoice (Prov 5:18). I also knew I had to be actively looking: “He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the LORD” (18:22). You don’t find unless you are looking. The Bible also revealed that I had to prepare myself for marriage. I had to grow in maturity and character. I had to keep a job to provide for a future family (1 Tim 5:8). I had to know my biblical convictions about church and ministry, children and marriage. I sought wise counsel while making this decision. Then I looked for a wife who would be a good helper and a loving mother (Prov 31:10-31). I knew what kind of character to seek and the values we had to share. Now honestly, there was more than one woman in the world who fit those qualifications. Yet Scripture also revealed that I could only choose one and be faithful to the one. So once I chose my wife in matrimony, God’s will of decree meshed with his will of desire. Do you want to know God’s will of desire? Then read his Word. Obey his Word. Apply his Word.7 And if somehow you stray outside God’s will of decree, don’t worry! His providence will change your course and draw you back. According to Proverbs 16:9, “The heart of man plans his way, but the LORD establishes his steps”

(19:21; 20:24). One year, our family had planned out a road trip, booked hotels, saved up money. But on the day before the trip, God caused a tiny little rock to fly through a tiny little opening to put our van completely out of commission. So we ended up altering our plans, but that’s not all. While on vacation, our son needed emergency surgery. And because God had providentially changed our plans, we were in the right place in the right

7 The biblical writers placed emphasis not on finding God’s will, but on doing it. They presupposed that we would know what we are to do (God’s revealed will). So we must diligently study (2 Tim 2:15), apply (3:16-17; Jas 1:19-27), and be motivated to obey (Pss 1:2; 40:8; 119:16, 24, 35, 47, 70, 77, 174).

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situation for him to get the best treatment. Again, it’s not wrong to make our plans. In fact, it’s wise. But we need not worry over them, because God will alter any plans which fall outside his will of decree: “The LORD establishes [our] steps.” God’s decree will take care of itself as we focus on obeying God’s will of desire as revealed in his Word.

Grow in Character Therefore, we turn to Scripture for God’s guidance not only to grow in doctrine, but also to grow in character. As Paul makes plain: “This is the will of God, your sanctification” (1 Thess 4:3b; Rom 8:28-29; Col 1:9-12). God’s will of desire is that we are growing in holiness and cultivating Christ-like character. That may seem like a letdown for ladies who are looking for Mr. Right and high schoolers who are sweating the decision about college: “I don’t want to be sanctified. I just want to know where I’m going—what I’m going to do with my life. I want to know the name of my spouse. I want security for my future.” God’s primary will, however, is not to reveal your every decision. It is to grow you in godly character (Rom 8:28-29).

Choose to follow God Have you ever see a young tree growing at a slant? Maybe its roots were shallow and its trunk was thin. The wise gardener will tie ropes to the tree, then tie those ropes to stakes in the ground. Those guide ropes will then cause the crooked tree to grow up straight. That’s the purpose of Scripture: to act as guide ropes for upright living (Prov 1:5). Now Proverbs 21 mentions the covenant God three times in the first three verses: The LORD turns the king’s heart (v. 1). The LORD weighs the heart of a man (v. 2). The

LORD delights in righteousness and justice (v. 3). The LORD, Yahweh, presents us with decisions in order to guide us into covenant relationship with him. He wants us to do what is right (v. 2): “To do righteousness and justice is more acceptable to the LORD” (v. 3). Don’t be haughty and proud and wicked and sinful (v. 4). Instead, be diligent and patient (v. 5). For the LORD directs us to grow in character. God’s will is our 229

sanctification.

Choose to obey God Again in Proverbs 4, “Let your eyes look directly forward, and your gaze be straight before you. Ponder the path of your feet; then all your ways will be sure. Do not swerve to the right or to the left; turn your foot away from evil” (vv. 25-27). The kinds of choices addressed in Proverbs are not whether to be an accountant in Florida versus a park ranger in Washington. No, the choice is between the path of righteousness and the path of evil. The focus is on moral character. As in 11:3a, “The integrity of the upright guides them.” “Wait a minute,” you might say, “I thought it was God who guides the upright and declares his will of desire.” Yes, that’s true. Yet God leads us not by making us into robots, but by cultivating our integrity. He slowly transforms our character until we begin to make the right decisions. “The integrity of the upright guides them” because the Lord has produced that integrity. This character must be developed in us, so that we will resist temptation even when we have no other accountability. The young fool in

Proverbs 7 walks near the house of the forbidden woman and the young fool in your house has access forbidden websites every single day. So realize the choice to resist temptation is not made in the moment, but in the character God has cultivated over time.

Choose to trust God

God never tells us what tomorrow will bring because telling us the future rarely grows our faith. In fact, Jesus reveals the solution for conquering anxiety: “But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you” (Matt 6:33). God’s sovereignty is not an excuse for him to play hide-and-seek: “Find my will. Find my will. Oooh, you’re getting warmer.” No, God never intends for us to seek his will, but to seek his kingdom and to do his will. That’s why Proverbs 16:3 is so startling: “Commit your work to the LORD, and your plans will be established.” We usually reverse that order: “Commit your plans to the Lord. Pray about your plans before 230

starting the work.” But God says, “No, commit your work to the LORD.” Trust the Lord with the result of your work. Roll your burdens before the Lord and leave them there. This passage speaks about overcoming anxiety. Trust God with the outcome of your work and he will guide you in the establishment of your plans. Seek God’s kingdom and he will help you with the details. Start with the destination and God will help you with the route. Obey God’s Word and you will accomplish his will of desire. For example, consider Paul’s wisdom statement in Ephesians 5, “Therefore do not be foolish, but understand what the will of the Lord is. . . . Do not get drunk with wine, for that is debauchery, but be filled with the Spirit” (vv. 17-18). God’s will is that we stay sober— free from addictions. God’s will is that we refrain from reckless debauchery. God’s will is that we be controlled by the Holy Spirit speaking through his Word. God’s will is that we sing praises to him with one another and encourage one another with Scripture (vv. 19-21). Joining with the church Sunday after Sunday, growing in doctrine, and growing in character is God’s will for your life.

Choose to praise God Paul further reminds us of God’s will in 1 Thessalonians 5, “Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you” (vv. 16-18). God’s will is that we rejoice and give thanks in all circumstances—even in our trials. God’s will is that our lives be characterized by prayer, for his will goes deeper than behavior. In Proverbs 16:2, the Lord searches even the motives of the heart: “All the ways of a man are pure in his own eyes, but the LORD weighs the spirit.” Too often, we simply focus on words and behavior—the outward appearance. Yet the Lord knows our heart’s desires. He’s trying to shape our character. As you make difficult decisions in life, you might ask the penetrating question: “Which choice will best help me grow in Christ-like character?” Now that may not give

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you a clear answer to go left or to go right. Yet it cultivates godly character as you examine your heart and examine your behavior. Say you’re thinking about going to graduate school or getting an advanced degree. Ask which choice will best help you grow in Christ-like character: “Will I learn to rejoice in the Lord and give thanks in all circumstances? Will it cultivate my prayer life? Will I depend more on the Holy Spirit speaking through his Word? Will it cause me to grow in holiness and turn away from idolatry? Will it make more like Jesus? Am I choosing this for myself or for the Lord?”

Even the practical questions like time and money and location should be asked in view of God’s will: “Am I being a wise steward of the time and resources God has given me? How will this affect my other responsibilities? Will I be able to serve God more effectively?” These are the kinds of questions we need to ask as God guides us in our decision-making to grow in doctrine and to grow in character.

Grow in Wisdom Third, he guides us to grow in wisdom as we consider our decisions. Sadly,

Christians have devised all kinds of unusual ways to make decisions.

Impressions Sometimes we have impressions. We say things like, “God placed it on my heart. I feel the Holy Spirit led me. I just had a sense about it.” Certainly God does speak in various ways, but do not assume such impressions are always from the Lord. For example, David had a strong desire to build the temple—an impression (2 Sam 7:1-3). Yet God revealed to Nathan the prophet that David was not the man and now was not the time (vv. 4-17). Test any impression with a process of discernment, so you do not circumvent God’s development of your character. If you wake in the middle of the night with an impression to move to Las Vegas, by all means pray. Your midnight impression could be right or wrong, but it’s never wrong to pray. You should not, however, just throw your bags in the back of a pickup and go. Instead, do the hard work of discerning 232

whether or not to move, because in the process God will slowly transform your character. We still need to grow in wisdom.

Open and closed doors Christians also talk about open and closed doors, but these are not sure signs either. If you didn’t get a certain job, it doesn’t mean God wants you to sit on the couch for a year: “Oh well, I guess God doesn’t want me to have a job.” Being offered a full- ride scholarship, doesn’t necessarily mean God wants you to go to that college. The coworker who makes advances is not an open door to adultery. Jonah’s ship to Tarshish had an open door, but it wasn’t God’s will. The only time Scripture commends the open door is when that door leads to what we already know is God’s desire. For example, Paul only talks about “open doors” in the context of sharing the gospel (e.g., Col 4:3). So we must study God’s Word and not simply rely on whether a door is open or closed. We grasp at doors because we’re too lazy to do the work of biblical discernment. We still need to grow in wisdom.

Christening prayers Sometimes as Christians we misuse prayer. We have a difficult decision to make, so we agonize in prayer. If we’re really serious, we fast and pray. Yet prayer does not christen our decision as with a bottle of champagne. Prayer does not instantly stamp our decision with God’s approval. That’s like a child asking to go out and play, then leaving the house before his mother can even open her mouth. Prayer changes our desires to be like God’s, not God’s desires to be like ours. For example, Paul prayed to go on missions to Spain (e.g., Rom 15:24, 28). We don’t know if he ever made it there, but God was still working in Paul even if Paul wasn’t working in Spain.

Peaceful feelings At other times, we explain our decisions: “God just gave me a peace about it.”

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Yet how much inner peace did Jesus have on the night before his death? He sweat great drops of blood as he agonized in Gethsemane (e.g., Luke 22:44). Our peace should not come from a feeling, but from God’s Spirit working through God’s Word. For God never grants us inner peace which contradicts his Word. So we study the Scriptures for every biblical principle related to our decision and then we have peace: “Abba, Father, all things are possible for you. Remove this cup from me. Yet not what I will, but what you will” (Mark 14:36). Jesus’ inner peace came not from a feeling, but from knowing he was doing the will of God according to the Word of God. We still need to grow in wisdom.

Dreams and signs Another shortcut we find are dreams and signs. Say your friend had a dream that they were having a terrible day and you walked right past them without a word. You might say to them, “Friend, your dream wasn’t real. It never happened and let’s pray that it never does. Instead, let’s talk about what’s troubling you and find encouragement in God’s Word.” Some dreams may convey an element of truth (perhaps by human intuition), but they should always drive us toward the Scriptures instead of shorting the process of discernment. Maybe you’re thinking about moving, but you don’t know where. Then as you’re driving up an incline at the top of the hill you see a tree and you think: “Woodland Hills. I’m going to move to Woodland Hills!” Which is great because you’d be closer to our church, but that’s not the way to make decisions. We still need to grow in wisdom.

Words of knowledge

I know these examples may be silly, but I have spoken to Christians who have used every one of these ways to make major decisions in life. I’ve done it at times myself. Yet too often we ignore God’s will of desire sitting right here in our Bible. Some people even claim that God speaks to them directly, but this usually means that they are attempting to speak on behalf of God. Ladies, if you plan to break up with a guy, don’t 234

hide behind the Lord’s will: “You know, it’s just not God’s will for us to be together.” Don’t say that the Holy Spirit told you to reject him: “The Spirit moved me to dump you.” Certainly don’t add that now you’re dating Jesus: “Sorry, I can’t date you. I’m already taken.” Just tell the poor guy the truth. You went through the biblical process of discernment and he doesn’t measure up. Don’t put words into the mouth of God. For only when we read the Bible, do we know for certain we are hearing God speak. Yes, God can speak in various ways, but we must not expect the unexpected. We must not seek for shortcuts because God makes no promises to speak in any other way than by his Spirit through his Word. Solomon explains this truth in Proverbs 2.

My son, if you receive my words and treasure up my commandments with you, making your ear attentive to wisdom and inclining your heart to understanding; yes, if you call out for insight and raise your voice for understanding, if you seek it like silver and search for it as for hidden treasures, then you will understand the fear of the LORD and find the knowledge of God. For the LORD gives wisdom; from his mouth come knowledge and understanding (vv. 1-6).

Wisdom in Proverbs deals with moral currency, for God’s will of desire is a life lived in fear of the Lord: “Then you will understand the fear of the LORD and find the knowledge of God” (v. 5). We grow in relationship with God as he guides our growth in doctrine, character, and wisdom. We then receive God’s wisdom in three ways.

God’s wisdom in his Word

First, we search the Scriptures: “Receive my words and treasure up my commandments. . . . Seek it like silver and search for it as for hidden treasures” (vv. 1, 4).

If God just gave us all the answers to his will, we would never learn wisdom ourselves. There’s a huge difference between studying for a test and getting the answers from a friend. If God left silver nuggets sprinkled on the ground for us to pick up with ease, we would never grow in strength as we labor at the digging. Hard work in the Scriptures cultivates character and perseverance. For we are not instantly transformed at the moment

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of conversion, but as Paul says changed “from one degree of glory to another” (2 Cor 3:18; Rom 12:1-2).

God’s wisdom in prayer So first, we search the Scriptures. Secondly, we must pray: “Call out for insight and raise your voice for understanding” (Prov 2:3). We pray for illumination as we study God’s Word. We pray for the wisdom to live rightly, for good motives in decision-making, and an attitude of trust and faith and obedience. We pray for humility and teachability and to seek first God’s kingdom. We should pray for much more than, “God, what decision should I make?”

God’s wisdom in counsel We study, we pray, and then we seek wise counsel. As Solomon teaches his son, so also we are to read our Bibles in community. We listen to what wise Christians have to say. We allow them to ask hard questions which challenge our thinking. Then as we grow in wisdom, we take action. The rest of Proverbs 2 describes the benefits of growing in wisdom. The wise who practice the fear of the Lord (v. 5) will gain understanding and knowledge (vv. 5-6), protection (v. 8), and a good path (vv. 9, 20). We will know what is right and just and fair (v. 9). We will be protected from the dangers of wicked men (v. 12), dark ways (v. 13), crooked paths (v. 15), the adulterous woman (v.

16), and a foolish death (vv. 18-19). God’s will is not simply that you make the right decision, but that you grow up in the process. Here’s a simple example: Say your family is debating, “Should we get a pet?”

As a parent, the first thing I’m wondering is, “Who’s going to take care of it?” Then we gather as much information as possible: “What kind of pet? What’s involved? What’s the expense?” We take this information as we go to Scripture. There are no commands in the Bible about pets, so we weigh the biblical principles in making this decision: “Will a pet be a good stewardship of our time and money? Will it teach our children responsibility 236

and proper care of God’s creation? Are there safety issues for my family if we adopt a tree viper? Do we have health concerns like allergies? Will a pet make our home more or less hospitable? Will it increase our relationships with neighbors and friends we meet at the park? Will it hinder our travel for vacation or mission trips?” We evaluate all these biblical principles, then we make a wise decision, and trust God to keep directing in the process. Only by laboring through difficult decisions do we grow in doctrine, in character, and in wisdom.

Grow in Community Fourth, God guides us to grow in community. Solomon calls out in the prologue of Proverbs: “Let the wise hear and increase in learning, and the one who understands obtain guidance” (1:5). In 12:15, “The way of a fool is right in his own eyes, but a wise man listens to advice.” Some of us have friends or children who always think they’re right. The Bible calls them fools. For even if we already know the right answer, it is still wise to make our decisions in community. In 18:1, “Whoever isolates himself seeks his own desire; he breaks out against all sound judgment.” Don’t be like Lot who separated from Abram (e.g., Gen 13:10-13). Proverbs 11:14 also states, “Where there is no guidance, a people falls, but in an abundance of counselors there is safety” (15:22; 20:18; 24:6). Don’t just go to one person, but seek out multiple viewpoints from wise counselors (not just anyone and everyone, but wise counselors). Then filter that counsel through a biblical worldview and make your decision. There is no added virtue in making a decision alone without the help of others. For example, the announcement that you’re getting married shouldn’t come as a surprise to your best friends and to your parents. “Hey, will you be my best man?” “Whoa! I didn’t even know you were dating!” Ask her father for her hand in marriage before you get engaged. If you’re a member in a church, seek wisdom about moving your family to a new place. Don’t just disappear. The role of wise friends is to help you make spiritual

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decisions like which church will help you grow in doctrine, character, and wisdom (12:26; 13:20). I often have conversations with people thinking about switching churches and a person once said to me, “Well, you’re biased.” But let me encourage you that godly elders may not always advise you to stay at their church. Their primary goal is to help you find the best soil for your spiritual growth. So in their collective wisdom, they may see that you can fulfill God’s will better at a different church than theirs. Loving you includes seeking your good for God’s glory, even if it means shepherding you to another place of ministry. When you’re looking for a new job, you want to search the Scriptures in community. Assuming the job is not inherently sinful, will it provide for your family (1 Tim 5:8)? Ask your spouse what he or she thinks. Seek wise counsel from parents and mentors. Be teachable and ask if they think the job is a good fit: “Do I have the training and skills to do this job well? Do you think I would enjoy it? Can you see me working there for a long time?” Find out what churches are available in that city. Don’t ever relocate to a new school or a new job unless you have first found a Christ-centered, Bible-teaching church that will provide a solid faith community for your family. I’ve known too many Christians who could not find a good local church after they had already moved. Do your best to find a church before you move and even make it part of the criteria. Pray in community with others. Pray for honesty in your interviews instead of fearing man’s approval. Pray to have the right heart desires as you decide whether to take the job. Pray for wisdom and God’s illumination of the pertinent biblical principles. Then make a wise decision and do all your work to the glory of God (1 Cor 10:31).

Grow in Christ As we think about making our plans under the authority of God’s guidance, our growth in doctrine and character, wisdom and community will find its source in Christ.

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Jesus trusted godly doctrine When Jesus walked upon this earth, he fully accepted the sovereignty and the providence of his Father. He declared to his disciples, “For I have come down from heaven, not to do my own will but the will of him who sent me” (John 6:38). He knew God’s will of decree was for him to die. Therefore, only in Christ did God’s will of desire perfectly match God’s will of decree.

Jesus modeled godly character

Then according to Hebrews 4:15, “We do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but one who in every respect has been tempted as we are, yet without sin.” Jesus was a man, perfect in character. Therefore, growing in godly character is synonymous with cultivating Christ-likeness.

Jesus increased in godly wisdom As a child, “Jesus increased in wisdom and in stature and in favor with God and man” (Luke 2:52). So also, Paul proclaimed “Christ [to be] the wisdom of God [for] those who are called” (1 Cor 1:24, 30b). Jesus was both the wisdom of God and the living Word of God (John 1:1-3).

Jesus cultivated godly community Then, in Christ, we are drawn into community with the body of Christ. So

Jesus prayed to his Father, “Sanctify them in the truth; your word is truth” (John 17:17). We search the Scriptures to grow in character. “As you sent me into the world, so I have sent them into the world” (v. 18). We now do the work of Christ in the wisdom of Christ. Jesus then prayed for Christ-like community:

That they may all be one, just as you, Father, are in me, and I in you, that they also may be in us, so that the world may believe that you have sent me. The glory that you have given me I have given to them, that they may be one even as we are one, I in them and you in me, that they may become perfectly one, so that the world may know that you sent me and loved them even as you loved me (vv. 21-23).

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Jesus made every decision rightly because he perfectly obeyed the will of his heavenly Father. He had right doctrine, right character, right wisdom, and right community. So as we think about our own decisions, we must ask ourselves how each decision will make us more like Jesus. A good place to start is the greatest decision of all: “Have you committed your life to Jesus Christ?” Paul explains that God’s will is your salvation: “This is good, and it is pleasing in the sight of God our Savior, who desires all people to be saved and to come to the knowledge of the truth” (1 Tim 2:3-4). God’s will of desire is that every person become a Christian. As one of my sons prays every night: “Dear God. Help everyone in the whole world to pray to Jesus.” If you have never committed your life to Jesus Christ, then you are right now outside the will of God. God’s will of decree, however, paved the way for his will of desire. In God’s providence, before creation, he set apart a plan of redemption to rescue sinful man. In God’s providence, he sent his Son into the world to live a perfect life and to die a sacrificial death. In God’s providence, he used secondary means and earthly rulers to put his Son to death. According to Acts 4:27-28, “For truly in this city there were gathered together against your holy servant Jesus, whom you anointed, both Herod and Pontius Pilate, along with the Gentiles and the peoples of Israel, to do whatever your hand and your plan had predestined to take place.” In God’s providence, he offered salvation to us—his will of desire. Then as you receive his salvation, God’s will of desire becomes his will of decree. May the words of Proverbs 3:5-6 apply at both the moment of salvation and at every moment for the rest of our lives: “Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths.”

Life Application Study: 240

1. Are you obeying God’s revealed will of desire in each of the following areas: • Are you saved by Jesus Christ (1 Tim 2:3-4; 2 Pet 3:9)?

• Are you Spirit-controlled (Eph 5:17-21; Col 3:16-17)?

• Are you being sanctified (1 Thess 4:3-7)?

• Are you submissive before God (Jas 4:7; 1 Pet 2:13-15)?

• Are you suffering (or willing to suffer) for Christ’s sake (1 Pet 2:20; 3:17; 4:19)?

• Are you continually saying thanks to God (1 Thess 5:16-18)?

2. Evaluate one particular decision you are currently making with these steps: • SUBMIT humbly before God (Rom 12:1-2)

• PRAY – Ask God for wisdom (Jas 1:5)

• Gather factual DATA (Prov 18:13)

• Study direct COMMANDS from Scripture on this issue (2 Tim 2:15; 3:15- 17). Also study indirect PRINCIPLES in Scripture.

• Weigh the purposeful use of freedom (Gal 5:13; 1 Cor 8)

• Affirm whether your DESIRES are God-honoring (Ps 37:4)

• If you still can’t decide, then put the decision on HOLD (Rom 14:23; Heb 11:25), gather more data, and start over

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• Make your DECISION and trust God (Prov 16:9; Acts 16:7)

Memory Verse

Proverbs 16:9 The heart of man plans his way, but the LORD establishes his steps.

Resources for further study: DeYoung, Kevin. Just Do Something: A Liberating Approach to Finding God’s Will. Chicago: Moody Publications, 2009.

Friesen, Gary. Decision-Making and the Will of God: A Biblical Alternative to the Traditional View. Colorado Springs: Multnomah Books, 2009.

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PARENTING: TRAIN UP A CHILD

I. In the Way He Should Go (Prov 12:15; 19:27; 22:6a, 15; 29:15)

II. In Love (Prov 15:17; 1 John 4:16)

III. In Obedience (Prov 3:11-12; 13:24; 19:18; 20:11)

IV. In Truth (Prov 1:8; 10:1; 20:7; 23:22; 24:3-4)

V. In Faith (Prov 3:5; 17:6; 20:20-21; 22:6b; 23:15, 24-26)

To those with adult children “Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it” (Prov 22:6). Here is one of the most well-known, yet least-understood statements in Scripture about parenting. Many take it as a surefire promise that good parenting results in good children. I had a conversation once with another pastor who shared with joy about his four adult children walking with the Lord. He told me to claim God’s promise just like he had for his children. He was exhorting me to be a godly parent, but I think he overstated the proverb. I thought with sadness of the many godly Christians I know who are wrestling with wayward children. Were they not godly parents? Did they do something wrong?

Should they feel guilty for the way their kids turned out? Proverbs 22:6 might seem to them a condemnation. Yet remember that proverbs are not promises, but merely principles—not guarantees, but general truths. How we raise our children does impact their eternal destiny, yet they will not turn into serial killers if they stay up past their bedtime. They won’t walk away from the faith because we missed family devotions every now and then. As parents, we are merely instruments in the Redeemer’s hands. We help our children grow. We train them up. Yet the outcome of our work is dependent on the

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Lord and not ourselves. We will fail either in pride or in shame if we take the burden on ourselves.

To those with young children Many parents, however, still have children in the home. As you read this proverb, you might be sitting on the edge of your seat. You are desperate for any kind of parenting instruction. This chapter seeks to unfold such biblical wisdom, but consider these words of caution from Kevin DeYoung:

Child rearing is hardly the main theme of Scripture. God doesn’t provide many specific instructions about the parent-child relationship, except that parents should teach their children about God (Deut 6:7; Prov 1-9), discipline them (Prov 23:13; Heb 12:7-11), be thankful for them (Ps 127:3-5), and not exasperate them (Eph 6:4). Filling in the details depends on the family, the culture, the Spirit’s wisdom, and a whole lot of trial and error.1

To those without children Even if you do not have children, God’s Word also applies to all. These truths will help some prepare for marriage or parenthood. It will help others, such as grandparents, relate to those who are right now in the midst of parenting. This may help you who are children yourselves to see your parents as those in need of grace. Hopefully, you will see yourselves in need of grace as well.

To unbelievers

Lastly, if you are an unbeliever, please do not hear this teaching as another round of moral therapy. This message for Christian parents is grounded not in good works, but in good news. Parenting is a goal you cannot accomplish without the power of

Jesus Christ coursing through your life. You cannot do what Scripture calls you to do without the power of Christ. If you think you can, then you must already have the wrong

1 Kevin DeYoung, Crazy Busy: A Mercifully Short Book About a (Really) Big Problem (Wheaton: Crossway, 2013), 73.

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goals for parenting.

In the Way He Should Go (22:6a)

Dedication So let us return to Proverbs 22:6, “Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.” This command to “train up” is used elsewhere in Scripture for the dedication of important buildings or an important person like the high priest.2 “Dedication” points to an object’s initial use, but also includes the purpose for which it was dedicated. So to “train up a child” could mean “to prepare a child for an intentional purpose.” This training begins the moment they are born.

One woman wrote to an advice columnist for the Chicago Daily News. She said she had a seventeen-year-old son who was breaking her heart. He refused to listen to a thing she said. He was rude and defiant. He was abusive and used bad language around the house. He was running around with a bad crowd and sometimes came home drunk. She suspected he was using drugs and he had already been in trouble with the law. What should she do? The writer’s advice was sad but true: “Shrink him down to seventeen months and start all over again.”3

It is easier to train a sapling than an oak. For as the twig is bent, so grows the tree. But even if your child is older it is still better to start now than after they have left your home.

Discipleship

What then is the intentional purpose for which parents must prepare our children? Christians should view parenting as a means of fulfilling the Great Commission:

2 In fact, it is the root of the Jewish word Hanukkah—the celebration which commemorates the temple’s rededication after its corruption by Antiochus Epiphanes.

3 J. B. Phillips, Exploring Proverbs: An Expository Commentary, vol. 2 (Grand Rapids: Kregel, 2002), 168-69. Who must be trained up? The term translated here as “child” (naar) does not always mean “child.” It was used to describe Joseph in Genesis, both in his teenage years and in his thirties. But there are also examples where this term describes a child, or even an infant (1 Sam 1:22; 4:21; Exod 2:6, such as Moses in the basket). However, I think the emphasis on youth is correct, because it contrasts with old age in this verse.

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And Jesus came and said to them, “All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. Go therefore and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, teaching them to observe all that I have commanded you. And behold, I am with you always, to the end of the age” (Matt 28:18-20).

Parenting is making disciples who make disciples—being Jesus to our children to bring them to Jesus. So ask yourself: “Are you going to your children with the gospel, leading them to salvation, baptizing them in union with the church, and teaching them to obey everything Jesus commanded in his Word? Do you trust that God is always with you as you make disciples in your family?” Parenting is more than childcare—more than providing food to eat and a roof over their heads—more than video game consoles and a vacation every year. Parenting is hard work and the patience and skill to be godly parents comes just as naturally as obedience to a child. So we must diligently train up our children. Think about it: We do potty training and training wheels. We train them to tie their shoes and to eat healthy and not to burp at the dinner table (when their mother is present). We spend the first twenty months training our children how to walk and talk and the next twenty years how to sit down and be quiet. Shouldn’t we also train them to glorify God and to serve for the good of others? We have the wrong goal if parenting success simply means a good college and a good job and a good spouse and good morals, but no relationship with Jesus Christ.

Discipline

The next phrase “in the way he should go” implies that we are to train our children in godliness. Yet the Hebrew text does not say, “The way of the Lord” or “the way that is right,” or “the way according to Scripture.” It simply states, “Start out a child according to his way.” The only descriptor is “his way” (darkô). Of the eight times this exact phrase appears in Proverbs, it never describes “God’s way,” but always means, “the way that the person chooses” (8:22; 11:5; 14:8; 16:9, 17; 19:3; 20:24; 22:6).4 So are we to

4 Dan Phillips explains this minority view more extensively in God’s Wisdom in Proverbs: 246

let our children do whatever they want—to rule the home as little kings and queens? That seems to go against everything we hear in Proverbs. In the very same chapter, “Folly is bound up in the heart of a child, but the rod of discipline drives it far from him” (22:15). A child’s chosen way is full of folly. In 29:15, “The rod and reproof give wisdom, but a child left to himself brings shame to his mother.” Let a child do what she wants without restriction and she will choose the wrong way every single time. So also, “The way of a fool is right in his own eyes, but a wise man listens to advice” (12:15). Young children especially need the instruction of parents, because young children are foolish. Their hearts are like the soil in a garden. Leave it alone and it will surely bear weeds. It must be cultivated to grow in godliness. Proverbs declares that a child’s own way is dangerous to the child. Therefore, we read 22:6 not as a promise, but as a warning against child-centered parenting. We are not being commanded to “start out a child according to his own way,” but rather warned that if we do so, “even when he is old he will not depart from it.” We find a similar example of irony in 19:27, “Cease to hear instruction, my son, and you will stray from the words of knowledge.” The wise father is not commanding his son to stop listening to instruction, but rather warning him of what will happen if he does. We interpret 22:6 as a warning, not a promise. Yet this warning opens the back door to the more common interpretation that we are to train our children in godliness. For if we are not to train a child according to his chosen sinful way, then most assuredly we must train him according to God’s way. The translation in the ESV is not so much literal

Hearing God’s Voice in Scripture (Woodlands, TX: Kress Biblical Resources, 2011), appendix 3. Jay Adams also writes, “Literally … reads, ‘train a child after the manner of his way,’ that is, after the standard or manner in which he wants to be trained. The verse stands not as a promise but as a warning to parents that if they allow a child to train himself after his own wishes (permissively) they should not expect him to want to change these patterns when he matures. Children are born sinners and when allowed to follow their own wishes will naturally develop sinful habit responses. The basic thought is that such habit patterns become deep-seated when they have been ingrained in the child from the earliest days. The corollary to this passage is found in Proverbs 19:18 where the writer exhorts the reader, ‘Discipline your son while there is hope; do not set your heart on his destruction’” (Jay Adams, Competent to Counsel [Grand Rapids: Baker, 1970], 158, emphasis in original).

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(“according to his way”) as it is a faithful application of the meaning implied (“in the way he should go”). “Don’t do this,” means, “Do something else.” “Warning! Roadblock!” means, “Take another route.” This leads us then to ask the question: “So what is God’s way? How then are we to train our children?” For the sake of memory, I like to say we train them a LOT. It’s an acronym reminding us to train our children in love, obedience, and truth.

In Love

Relationship First of all, we train our children in love. One major leaguer shared how, as a child, he destroyed the lawn fielding grounders with his dad. When his mom disdainfully observed the trampled grass, his dad replied, “Honey, we’re not raising grass. We’re raising kids.” In a similar vein 15:17 declares, “Better is a dinner of herbs where love is than a fattened ox and hatred with it.” This proverb may fall flat if you’re vegan. Yet even if your mouth waters over a really juicy steak, it is still better to chew on salad surrounded by a loving family. Your kids do not need extra stuff, but they do need love. So build a relationship with your child. Relationship is far better than a houseful of things, because you cannot train up a child apart from the context of relationship. Rules without relationship lead to rebellion.

Time Consider four ways to love your children with your time: Read. Pray. Work.

Play. Read God’s Word with your children in family devotions and private discipleship. You don’t have to be a scholar to read God’s Word. Secondly, pray for your children and pray with them: “Do they ever hear you pray?” Show them by your own prayers the example of an intimate parent-child relationship. We don’t expect long prayers from our children, but we encourage them to thank God for one thing and to ask him for one thing.

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Then we try to model what a relationship with God should look like by praying over major decisions together as a family. Third, work alongside your children. Help them with tasks and projects they have been assigned for school and enlist them to help with household chores. Patient instruction is well-worth the added time and will teach them skills for a lifetime. Finally, don’t forget to play. Find out what each child likes to do and spend quality time with them. You don’t even need to enjoy the activity yourself to enjoy being with them. Read, pray, work, play, and reach your child’s heart.

Words Love your children with your time and also love them with your words, for “death and life are in the power of the tongue” (18:21a). Words can either encourage or criticize; build up or tear down. So are your words gracious like honey (16:24) or do they break your child’s spirit (15:4)? Your child must hear in your everyday speech that she is loved. This past week, what kind of power did you wield with your words?

Actions Love is not only shown by your time and by your words, but also by example. Parents can tell but never teach, unless they practice what they preach. So live the way you want your child to become. Sadly Solomon, the writer of the Proverbs, was a poor example to his son by not living wisely. He was the wisest father to ever live, yet he squandered the bulk of his life and his son, Rehoboam, followed his example instead of his instruction. Parents, there will be days when you are exhausted, pulling out your hair, and crying to Jesus because you don’t know what else to do. You will find your children scribbling sharpies on the wall or yelling at you in rebellious anger or telling lies about their report card. In that moment, you will need to make a choice: “Do you address their sinful character with sinful character of your own or do you address their shortcomings with the love of Christ?” If you see your role as discipling your child to become more 249

like Jesus, then you will set a Christ-like example even when addressing their sin. “To give children good instruction, and a bad example, is the same as pointing out the way to heaven, while we take their hand and lead them down the road to hell.”5

Soul care Now it seems absurd that any parent must be told to love their child. Yet how often do we choose our convenience over hers? How often do we instruct behavior without caring for his soul? How often do we speak unkind words without asking her forgiveness? Loving our children begins with knowing that we are loved and reaching their hearts begins with God first exposing ours. According to 1 John 4:16, “So we have come to know and to believe the love that God has for us. God is love, and whoever abides in love abides in God, and God abides in him.” God is the source of love. So when we love, our children see God in us. They know we are followers of Christ by our love for them and that our most loving act as parents is to train them to love Jesus with all their heart. According to J. C. Ryle,

Love should be the silver thread that runs through all your conduct. Kindness, gentleness, long-suffering, forbearance, patience, sympathy, a willingness to enter into childish troubles, a readiness to take part in childish joys—these are the clues you must follow if you would find the way to his heart. Sternness and severity of manner chill them and throw them back. It shuts up their hearts, and you will weary yourself to find the door.6

For the problem with our children is not that they are disobedient. No, they are disobedient because they are lost. As we know, lost people need love more than a lecture. They need compassion instead of cursing. The prodigal needs a father waiting expectantly on the front porch for him to come home (e.g., Luke 15:11-32). So we do not love our children simply to build their self-esteem or to make them love us in return.

5 Quoted in J. C. Ryle, The Duties of Parents (1888), Hint #14, https://www.wholesomewords.org/etexts/ryle/ryleduties.pdf. As Jesus condemned the Pharisees for making their followers twice the sons of hell (Matt 23:15), so also, “He who sins in front of a child, sins double.” 6 Ryle, The Duties of Parents.

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Instead, we love our children to point them to the love of Jesus Christ.

In Obedience Train them in love. Second, train them in obedience. Proverbs 22:6 says, “Train up a child according to his way.” Again, this is not a proof-text for non-directive parenting: “Let your child do whatever he wants.” Some child psychologists have said for years that toddlers learn independence by talking back to their parents, so any discipline might actually stunt their development. One brain science study called Zero to Three7 has even convinced parents that they cannot expect their little toddler to control defiant impulses or to restrain himself from throwing tantrums. This study preaches that children under four must not be disciplined for what they can’t control. So parents, according to the world, your expectations are too high. Discipline today is unfashionable—out-of- date—unscientific.

Loving Discipline

Scripture, however, clearly teaches that discipline is necessary and good (3:11- 12; 6:23; 13:24; 19:18; 22:15; 23:13-14; 29:17; Heb 12). Do not spare discipline, for “whoever spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is diligent to discipline him” (Prov 13:24). If you love your child you will discipline her, because discipline saves her soul from death. In fact, the parent who does not discipline is effectively hating his child.

According to 19:18, “Discipline your son, for there is hope; do not set your heart on putting him to death” (23:13-14). The converse of discipline is death (e.g., 1 Sam 2-4). So parents, train your children in obedience, though it may cost you trouble and tears. Teach them that it’s not “their way, right away.” Don’t appease them for the sake of efficiency or give in because you want to be punctual. Keep them at the table when they refuse to

7 https://www.zerotothree.org/resources/1424-national-parent-survey-overview-and-key- insights.

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eat their peas. Patiently instruct them after they throw a tantrum. For their obedience to you will train them in obedience to Christ.8 Remember 20:11, “Even a child makes himself known by his acts, by whether his conduct is pure and upright.”

Appropriate discipline Speaking practically, discipline must be appropriate. The grammar in 22:6 reveals a uniquely definite construction, implying that each child must be assessed both individually and appropriately. Parents, think specifically about your own children and remember that every child (even within the same family) is unique.9 They have different levels of maturity and comprehension and respond better to different forms of discipline. Some children need “the board of education” and some need only a glance to melt their hearts. The type of clay determines the vessel: Some clay is elastic and supple, while other clay is crumbly and hard to shape. Thus every child must be disciplined with the discernment of a skillful potter. Realize also that Proverbs describes different levels of training appropriate to the situation. For God gives parents both the rod and reproof. The rod includes any kind of discipline from time-outs and loss of privilege to physical spanking and natural consequences. Whereas reproof includes any kind of verbal instruction from encouragement to warning, teaching Scripture and appealing to conscience. Parents must

8 Young people, your only biblical responsibility to your parents is to obey them. This includes honor and respect (Eph 6:1-3). You have the easy job. Your only responsibility is to honor and obey your parents (Exod 20:12; Prov 1:8-9; 6:20; Col 3:20; Eph 6:1-3). So are you doing this? If you say that your respect for God and His Word is high, yet your honor and respect for your parents is low, then it’s more likely true that your respect for God is actually low as well. The way you honor and obey your parents is the best indicator of your relationship to God, because they are the authorities whom God has sovereignly placed in your life: “Children obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right.”

9 Jerome Kagan (Harvard) performed a child temperament study across 36 different cultures. He showed three basic types of temperaments: Anxious (“Let’s get out of here.”), Aggressive (“Let’s get it before it gets us”), and Optimistic (“Things will get better on their own.”). The Anxious types survived better in dangerous situations, but were over-cautious otherwise. The Aggressive types did better in moderately dangerous situations when it was realistic to solve problems. Optimistic types did best in the least dangerous and most stable situations. Proverbial wisdom says we are not to craft the environment for our childrens’ success, but to teach them how to adjust their temperament according to the situation.

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be skilled with both rod and reproof. Here are three simple words to remember for discipline: teach, warn, and enforce. Consider for example, training your child not to run across the street. First, teach your child appropriate behavior: “Son, please hold Daddy’s hand when we walk across the street.” Secondly, warn against the consequences: “See all those cars rushing by. You could be squashed like a little bug if you run across the street by yourself.” Then if he disobeys, enforce reproof with discipline: “Son, you did not listen to Daddy. You ran into the street without holding my hand. That was disobedient and dangerous. And because I love you, I must remind you now with discipline.” Teach, warn, enforce. Put most of your effort into the first two and you will need much less of the third.

Consistent discipline Discipline must be appropriate and it must also be consistent. Kids are both smart and sinful. They will find the weakest link. In some families, it’s grandma. Or if momma says, “No ice cream,” they’ll go find dad. You and your spouse are a parenting team, so be consistent. Never contradict each other in front of the children. Never allow them to play one parent against the other or get you to side with them against your spouse. As we tell our children, “Mommy and Daddy are one.” Kids are resilient, but grow best in a stable environment. If you are an angry parent, they will seek to appease you instead of honoring the Lord since anger frames the discipline as a problem between parent and child. It cultivates a fear a man instead of a fear of the Lord (29:25). Instead of exposing your child’s sin, it makes him an emotional weatherman: “What kind of mood is mommy or daddy in right now?” When we focus on their sin before the Lord, however, the purpose of our discipline becomes restorative instead of punishment. Discipline becomes a mission to rescue sinners from themselves. So be consistent in how you discipline. Also be consistent in what you say: “Let your yes be yes and your no be no”

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(Matt 5:37). Erratic parenting is actually a form of deception—of lying to your children. Don’t overlook an offense three times, but on the fourth time discipline severely. Give clear instruction up front, then diligently keep your word. For inconsistent parenting will provoke your child to anger.

Redemptive discipline Now, of course, the ultimate purpose of discipline is redemptive. The purpose is not to punish, but to train; not to inflict harm, but to cultivate righteousness. It is not to harden our child’s heart, but to soften her heart to become a receptive follower of Jesus Christ. Discipline is not about behavior, but about Jesus! Doesn’t our heavenly Father do this for his children? In Proverbs 3:11-12, “My son, do not despise the LORD's discipline or be weary of his reproof, for the LORD reproves him whom he loves, as a father the son in whom he delights” (see Heb 12). The discipline of our Father grants assurance that we are sons. It reminds us of our Father’s loving concern, for a child without boundaries is a child without security. And why is such discipline loving? Because parents are on a rescue mission to save our children from themselves. Think about it: Would you allow a friend or a spouse to act toward you like your children often do? What if your spouse threw a tantrum or your friend demanded to always get his way? We wouldn’t stand for that, so why do we let our children get away with foolish words and rebellious behavior? We will not tolerate sin in our children if our goal is to train them up in godliness.

Now, of course, children don’t wake up thinking, “How can I frustrate and manipulate my parents today? How can I rebel against their authority?” We know that children aren’t intentionally evil, but they are sinful nonetheless: “None is righteous. No not one” (Rom 3:10). Disobedience is our natural inclination, for we are all born with a bent (Ps 51:5; 58:3; Prov 22:15; Rom 5:12, 18). In fact, no one even wants to obey. Like Adam and Eve, we want to see, touch, and taste the forbidden fruit (Gen 3:6). Tell a child not to touch and she will reach out her hand the moment your back is turned. Redemptive

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discipline confronts the child’s sin. In fact, since discipline will save his soul from death, it is the most loving action we can take. It is not us against them, but us with them against their sin. Now we must be careful here. For the goal of discipline is not merely to change behavior, but rather to change the heart. Rules cannot change the heart, yet they reveal our need for the One who can. God’s law exposes the sin in our hearts, but cannot deliver us from it. Yet without God’s law, we will never get to the gospel. Too often we tell our children: “God loves you and has a wonderful plan for your life,” but forget to tell them they have their own plan—a foolish, self-centered plan to rebel against God. We tell them, “Jesus is your Savior,” but never tell them why they need one. For example, we teach our children, “Lying lips are an abomination to the LORD, but those who act faithfully are his delight” (Prov 12:22). That’s the law. But we do not teach them that the law exists simply to change their behavior—just to make them honest Pharisees. No, we teach them the law, because we know they can’t obey it. Essentially, we set them up for failure, because failure leads to Jesus. My children often tell lies, but they wouldn’t know it was wrong if I didn’t tell them it was wrong—if I didn’t train them to recognize sin. They are convicted by guilt when they break the rules they now know exist. Yet that guilt leads them to trust in Jesus. Only Jesus can give them a brand new heart which does desire to keep the law. Only the gospel can transform their obedience from duty to delight. Two of the biggest mistakes in parenting arise because of a false understanding of the gospel. Some parents have too much law and not enough grace. Others have too much grace and not enough law. The lawless parent lets their child do whatever he wants. This child never learns he is sinful. They think they are inherently good. He doesn’t know he needs a Savior. He views himself as God. The legalistic parent, however, controls everything their child does. This child never learns she is loved. She thinks she has to save herself. She too is missing Jesus. 255

So how do we train our child’s heart with a focus on the gospel? Realize that whatever we use to motivate obedience is how we will train the heart. Suppose one child angrily hits another. We might try to control him with threats: “Hit your sister again and I’ll hit you!” We can motivate his heart with fear. We might offer rewards: “If you both behave for the rest of the meal, I’ll give you ice cream.” We motivate them with comfort and pleasure. Or often we resort to shame: “You’re such a terrible child. Why can’t I have a child who listens? Why can’t you be more like the pastor’s kids?” We can even motivate their heart with guilt: “What you did was very, very bad. You need to behave yourself.” Parents, pay attention! Any time you discipline your children, you are teaching them what to love. You are training their heart’s desire by what you use for motivation. So what if instead of threats and rewards and shame, you offered your children Jesus? “That was wrong to hit your sister. It’s a sin that angered God so much that he poured out his wrath upon Jesus. Son, God loves you and wants to have a relationship with you, but that relationship is broken unless you ask him to forgive your sin. Will you make things right with Jesus? Will you embrace him as your friend? He can teach you how to love your sister.” Discipline must always have a redemptive purpose. So we do not ask the question, “Is my child behaving correctly, but rather has my child grown closer to Jesus?” Reach their heart with dialogue instead of lecture. It doesn’t work just to ask them why:

“Why did you hit your sister?” “I don’t know.” Yet you might ask other questions to reach the heart: “What emotions were you feeling when you hit your sister? What did she do to make you angry? How else might you have responded? Help me understand how your response seemed to make things better. How do you think your anger reflected trust or lack of trust in God’s ability to care for you?” By gently probing the heart, you learn that your son responded in anger when his sister took the last piece of pizza. He was controlled by a selfish appetite for the pleasure of pizza. His heart’s desire was for comfort and pleasure instead of Jesus and his sister’s well-being. So when you pull your 256

son aside to talk, you don’t just teach him that hitting his sister is wrong—That’s focusing on behavior. You also teach him that selfishness is wrong—That’s getting to his heart: “Son, God gave made our bodies to hunger and to enjoy delicious food. Yet those desires can become idolatrous when we make them our demands. That’s something right now we need to confess.” As you lead him in confession, you show him how to ask forgiveness for both his angry behavior and his selfish desires. Your child’s anger is a wonderful opportunity to address not simply behavior, but also sinful heart motives. You are showing him that he is a sinner in need of a Savior. That is discipline’s redemptive purpose.

In Truth

Biblical instruction Let us train our children in love to have obedient hearts, then let us train them also in the truth. The phrase, “in the way he should go,” literally reads, “upon the mouth of his way.” “Upon the mouth” or “from the lips” was a Hebrew idiom meaning, “according to,” or, “in accord with.” It comes from the slave waiting eagerly at the beck and call of his master. The word for “way” (derek) is used nearly 70 times in the book of Proverbs for the habitual choices and direction one takes in life. It depicts walking back-and-forth through a field of grass to carve a well-worn path. So also, our goal is to habitually walk in God’s way until it becomes second nature to our lives. We are to tread the path of righteousness, not of folly and sin. For the proverbs consistently teach that there is only one right way to walk and we are to train children in that way of wisdom.

Continual instruction Training happens, however, not only when our children are in trouble, but also at the breakfast table, in the car on the way to school, and during bedtime prayers. Parents

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must always be shepherding the hearts of our children in the way of God’s wisdom. For “he who walks with the wise grows wise” (Prov 13:20a). Wise parents do more than simply lecture by showing the vitality of a life well-lived. According to 20:7, “The righteous who walks in his integrity—blessed are his children after him!” Your righteous character will bring blessing to your children. Your child will learn to love the Word of God when she sees how much you love the truth. So how’s your prayer life? How’s your devotional life? How’s your walk with the Lord? Choose to cultivate your relationship with God and the benefits will overflow to your children.

Creative instruction Teach with creativity like Jesus who said, “Look at the birds of the air,” and, “Consider the lilies of the field” (Matt 6:25-34). In Proverbs, the ant instructs the sluggard (6:6-11). The loaf of bread instructs the young man hooked on internet porn (6:26). The gold ring in the swine’s snout instructs the young lady who wears her theology on designer jeans and a bare midriff (11:22). Be creative in teaching the truth.

Every week at our church, my sons tell me all the adventures they had in Sunday School. One week, they’re eating a meal in Abraham’s tent. The next week, they’re walking on water with Jesus. Our kids also love radio drama and video stories. Creativity brings biblical truth to life so that children will remember.

Communal instruction The church also exists as a resource for training children in the truth. Certainly, God places ultimate responsibility on parents (Gen 18:19; Exod 13:8, 14-16; Deut 4:9-10;

6:4-25), but the church offers many resources to help. For example, our church has gospel-centered ministries for children and youth. We provide counseling and mentorship to keep families healthy. The fellowship of the church is meant both to encourage and to exhort, so take advantage of resources which support your role as parents. Don’t let education, athletics, social engagements, or laziness keep your family from the loving 258

fellowship of the church. We, as a church, help children memorize verses, sing praise songs, learn about Jesus, engage in discipleship, and embrace biblical truth. Also, don’t feel like you need to have kids in order to make an impact. In every church, some of the most effective ministers are those without children of their own.

Gospel-centered instruction Finally, train children not only in the whole counsel of Scripture, but specifically in the gospel truth. Teach them that God is the loving Ruler and Creator of the world: “The LORD by wisdom founded the earth; by understanding he established the heavens” (Prov 3:19). Job discovered this truth in the lightning and the hailstorm, in the dinosaurs and the galaxies. Direct your children to observe the beauty and the power of God’s creation (Ps 19:1-6). Teach them that God is holy—that God has rules like speed limits and bedtime curfews. Remind them that “the eyes of the LORD are in every place, keeping watch on the evil and the good” (Prov 15:3). Teach them that man is sinful and the consequence of sin is death, for sin and death are all around us. Death is in the newspaper and at grandpa’s funeral. Death is a goldfish swirling down the toilet bowl. Sin is revealed in the impatience of a traffic jam or the trauma of a playground fistfight. It’s the story of Adam and Eve and every story after. Teach your children the consequences of their own sin, for a fool’s disobedience brings “sorrow to his mother” (10:1b; 17:21). “A foolish son is a grief to his father and bitterness to her who bore him” (17:25). A fool also brings humiliation: “A companion of gluttons shames his father” (28:7b) and “a foolish man despises his mother” (15:20b). Even more terribly, “A foolish son is ruin to his father” (19:13a). The consequence of sin is death (Rom 6:23a). Therefore, teach children the truth that Christ is Savior. Tell them the story of the cross in a thousand different ways until it seeps into the way they understand the world and understand themselves. Point out evidences of grace in their own life and in

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the lives of others who are drawing them to Jesus. Help them see how their little story of creation, fall, redemption, and consummation finds its place in God’s bigger story. Then teach them to repent of sin and believe in Christ. You will have no greater joy than leading your children to the Lord and bringing them up in discipleship (Eph 6:4). This is successful parenting: To dedicate your child to the Lord, then teaching, training, and guiding her on the path that she must walk. Even if he becomes a famous doctor or a wealthy businessman—even if she wins the Nobel Prize or the Pulitzer, all that is icing on the cake. So may we claim with John: “I have no greater joy than to hear that my children are walking in the truth” (3 John 4). We must train our children a LOT—in love, obedience, and truth. Then we must trust in the Lord as we train up our children in faith.

In Faith (22:6b)

Hope in God Proverbs 22:6 concludes, “Even when he is old he will not depart from it.”

Training benefits the child not only in youth, but even when he is old. Here is hope for countless parents who face the uncertainty and confusion of child-rearing: “Keep going! It’s worth it! Have faith that God’s way is the right way.” It’s been said that “parenting is the fine art of saying the same thing 10,000 times over the course of 20 years without losing your mind.”10 The Proverbs are not a sledgehammer of guilt, but an encouragement to hope.

Trust in God

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart” (3:5a) and trust him with your child’s heart. Then “the father of the righteous will greatly rejoice; he who fathers a wise son

10 Paul Carter, “Why is Parenting So Incredibly Hard?,” The Gospel Coalition Canada (blog), November 28, 2017, accessed December 2, 2017, http://canada.thegospelcoalition.org/ad_fontes/parenting- incredibly-hard.

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will be glad in him. Let your father and mother be glad; let her who bore you rejoice. My son, give me your heart, and let your eyes observe my ways” (23:24-26). Note carefully this proverb does not say, “My son, give me your behavior,” as if outward change was most important. Nor does the proverb say, “My son, give me your physical presence,” as if all that matters is placing a child in the right place at the right time: “Get them to church and a Christian school and they’ll be all right.” No, verse 26 says, “My son, give me your heart.” And in verse 15, “My son, if your heart is wise, my heart too will be glad” (see 27:11). For a godly parent is like the diligent farmer who sows in faith. The farmer plants when the field is bare and the seed is small, because he envisions the future harvest. So also, we must faithfully parent according to God’s principles. Parenting is a life of faith. Too often we stop trusting in the Lord, because we are trusting in ourselves.

Surrender to God Instead of living as ambassador parents, we can acquire an ownership mentality: “These are my children. They belong to me, so I can train them however I want.” We forget our parenting goal of discipleship—of leading our children in a Godward orientation. We forget that we are merely instruments in the hands of God to point our children to the glory of God’s story and the grace of his redemption. We forget that we were transformed by God ourselves. For God did not call us to this task because we were able, but because we were unable. In our weakness, he alone receives the glory.

We forget that God is parenting us as we parent our children. He reveals our daily need for grace. He shows how our story of creation, fall, redemption, and consummation finds its place in his greater story. He never calls us to a task without giving us everything we need to do it. He never sends us into the fray without also going with us. We forget our identity in Christ and seek to find it in our children. It may seem natural to make our children into idols—to worship them—to give them all our time and money and thoughts and desires. But it’s a terrible idea, for children are lost and rebellious, foolish and blind.

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They will chew us up and spit us out if we prop them up as idols. They will always disappoint, for children are self-ruling sinners who care not about serving our desires.

Confess to God So we must root out our own selfish desires before we root out theirs. Parents, we must come before the Lord, confessing moments we have made our children into idols. We must seek his grace to train up our children in love, obedience, and truth. Then we must trust in God to transform their hearts to be like his. As John Kitchen writes,

[Children] are not computers to be programmed, but living beings to be trained, loved, wooed, and won. Such a process is as heartbreaking in some lives as it is rewarding in others. Every parent who truly loves God and his child will give himself to the service of God in so raising his child, with the prayerful hope that, when he is called to take his hands off and release his child into the world as an adult, the child will indeed ‘not depart from’ his God and His ways.11

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart” and with your child’s heart.

Life Application Study:

1. What evidence do you have that “folly is bound up in the heart of a child”? How does this knowledge present a different parenting approach than the world’s view that children are inherently good with corruption coming from upbringing and environment?

2. How do you intentionally love your child with your time, speech, example, and behavior? Choose one new way to love your child this week.

3. Examine your practice of instruction, warning, and discipline. Are you training up your child in God’s way according to his Word? Are you reaching their heart or only addressing behavior?

11 Source Unknown.

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4. What are your specific short-term and long-term goals for your child’s growth in wisdom? Talk to your spouse this week and plan out a strategy for teaching your child truth from God’s Word.

Memory Verse

Proverbs 22:6 Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.

Resources for further study:12 Tripp, Paul David. Parenting: 14 Gospel Principles That Can Really Change Your Family. Wheaton: Crossway, 2016. Tripp, Tedd. Shepherding a Child’s Heart. Wapwallopen, PA: Shepherd Press, 2011.

12 Also see appendix 8 for biblical counsel on parenting.

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AGUR’S PRAYER IN A FALLEN WORLD (PROV 30)

I. Agur’s Prayer for Humility (vv. 1-9)

II. Agur’s Principles for Wisdom (vv. 10-31)

III. Agur’s Promise of Salvation (v. 5)

There’s a story about a proud, young man who once came to Socrates seeking wisdom. He approached him and said, “O great Socrates, I come to you for wisdom.”

Socrates, recognizing a pompous fool, led him down to the sea and waded with him chest deep into the water. Then he asked him, “What did you say you wanted?” “Wisdom, O great Socrates,” replied the young fool. With a warning, Socrates placed his strong hands on the young man’s shoulders and pushed him underneath the water for twenty seconds. When he finally let him up, Socrates asked: “Tell me again, what did you want?” “Wisdom,” the young man sputtered, “O great Socrates.”

Socrates immediately dunked him again: Thirty seconds, thirty-five. When he let him go this time the man was gasping. “What do you want, young man?” With heavy breaths the fellow wheezed, “I want wisdom! O wise and wonderful…” Socrates jammed him under once more. Forty seconds passed, then fifty—a whole minute until he let him up: “Now my son, what do you want?” “Air!” the young man cried, “I just want air!”

Then Socrates turned to him and said, “When you become as desperate for wisdom as you are for air, then you will begin to find it.” This humorous legend highlights the life-giving importance of wisdom. What is wisdom? It is knowing what to do when the decisions of life are not black-and-white. It is honoring the Lord in all the various complexities of life. For wisdom is more than

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knowledge, but rather knowledge applied—practical skill for a virtuous life. This kind of wisdom comes only from God: “The fear of the LORD is the beginning of wisdom” (Prov 9:10a). In short, true wisdom is living with the Creator above us, wise counsel around us, and godly character within us. Now the prologue of Proverbs begins: “The proverbs of Solomon, son of David, king of Israel” (1:1). Yet Solomon is not the only author of the proverbs. We find that some were copied by the men of Hezekiah (see 25:1) and Proverbs 30 and 31 were written respectively by two men named Agur (30:1) and Lemuel (31:1). We have no idea who these men were,1 yet we do know that they were followers of Yahweh and Scripture has recorded their wisdom for all time.2 This, of course, speaks to the enduring nature of God’s Word. For God declares in Isaiah, “My word . . . shall not return to me empty” (Isa 55:11). Now perhaps you sometimes wonder: “What’s the point of learning God’s wisdom when I’m continually forgetting? What’s the point of training up my child when she never seems to get it? What’s the point of teaching God’s Word to students who never listen?” We keep on studying, applying, and teaching these truths because God’s Word—God’s wisdom will never return to him void. Long after you have passed away and been forgotten, God’s Word continues on in the lives of those you’ve taught. It reminds me of a story told by the Scottish preacher, Ian Maclaren about a woman in his church.3 As they were talking, she began to wipe her eyes with the corner of her apron. So Dr. Maclaren said, “What’s troubling you?” “Oh,” she said, “Sometimes I feel I have done so little and it makes my heart heavy, because really I have done so little for Jesus. When I was a wee girl the Lord

1 We have no information at all regarding Agur’s historical, geographical, or even ethnic background. 2 Verse 1 includes two technical terms for prophetic utterances: dabar and mattah. Agur himself held a high view of Scripture (vv. 5-6) and adapted many Scriptural quotations for this passage. 3 Rev. John Watson was a Scottish pastor and theologian who wrote under the pen name of Ian Maclaren.

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spoke to my heart and I surrendered to him. And I wanted to live for him, oh so much. But I feel I haven’t done a thing.” “What have you done with your life?” he asked. “Oh nothing,” she said, “just nothing. I’ve washed dishes, cooked three meals a day, taken care of my children, mopped the floor, mended the clothes, you know, everything a mother does, that’s all I’ve done.” Maclaren sat back in his chair and asked, “Where are your boys?”

“Oh,” she spoke, “You know I named them all for the Gospels: Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John. You watched them all grow up and you know where Mark is now. You ordained him when he went to China. He’s learned the language now and is able to minister to people in the name of the Lord.” “Where’s Luke?” Maclaren said. “You know well enough where he is because you sent him out and I had a letter from him the other day. He is in Africa and says a revival has broken out at his mission station.” “And Matthew?” he queried. “He’s with his brother in China and they are working together. And John, who’s still nineteen, came to me last night to say God has laid Africa on his heart. He said, ‘I am going to Africa, but don’t worry, Mother, because the Lord wants me to stay with you until you go home to glory, and then I’ll go. Until then I have to take care of you.” Maclaren looked at that elderly saint and said, “Your life has been wasted, you say?” “Yes, it has been wasted.” “You have certainly spent your days cooking and mopping and washing—but I would like to see the reward when you are called back home!” The Lord does not call us to spectacular service. He does not measure our lives 266

by man’s accomplishments. He simply calls us to be faithful in making disciples. That’s our purpose in life, wherever we are: to make disciples. Because in a thousand years, no one will ever know your name from Agur’s, yet perhaps they will know the name of the Lord because of your faithful witness.

Agur’s Prayer for Humility (vv. 1-9)

Be humble before God’s discipline

In Proverbs 30, the prayer “of Agur son of Jakeh” begins with a cry of humility: “The man declares, I am weary, O God; I am weary, O God, and worn out” (v. 1b). Twice he cries out, “O God.”4 Three times he expresses painful anguish: “Surely I am too stupid to be a man. I have not the understanding of a man. I have not learned wisdom, nor have I knowledge of the Holy One” (vv. 2-3; see Job 25:4-6; Pss 22:6; 73:21-22).5 The parallelism in these verses implies that the essence of being human is to know the Lord. “I am too stupid to be a man. I have not the understanding of a man.”

Why not? Because “I have not learned wisdom, nor have I knowledge of the Holy One.” Agur proclaims his ignorance and decries his lack of knowledge: “I am like a beast of the field (see Ps 22:6)—not even wise enough to be a man, let alone a man who knows the Holy One.” At hearing this particular name of God, our thoughts instantly return to Proverbs 9:10, “The fear of the LORD is the beginning of wisdom, and the knowledge of the Holy One is insight.”6 Agur humbly declares, “I do not fear the Lord as I should. I do not know him as I desire. I do not obey him at all times. I do not worship him with joy.” Maybe that’s you today. You have studied the lessons from Proverbs on the fear of the Lord and how it’s supposed to change your life. You are thinking to yourself,

4 The double vocative compounds his anguish. 5 Solomon opened the book intending for his son “to know wisdom and instruction, to understand words of insight” (1:2). Agur closes the book using the same three terms to claim that he hasn’t learned a thing. Perhaps, unlike Solomon, he had a pagan teacher. 6 Here is the only other time in Proverbs when God is called “the Holy One.”

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“I want that. I desire an intimate relationship with God, but I know I don’t have it. I don’t even know how to go about getting it.”

Be humble before God’s greatness Agur shows us by example: Humility is the key! The fear of the Lord—the knowledge of the Holy One—relationship with God, all begin with a humble heart. It begins by saying, “I cannot do it on my own.” Agur then stoops even lower in verse 4, “Who has ascended to heaven and come down? Who has gathered the wind in his fists?

Who has wrapped up the waters in a garment? Who has established all the ends of the earth? What is his name, and what is his son's name? Surely you know!” (see Job 28:12- 28; 40:4; 42:3, 6). With Job-esque rhetorical questions, Agur humbles both himself and his readers (see 38:5, 25, 29, 36, 37, 41; 39:5): “What did you see on your last trip to heaven? Did you catch any wind (see 25:15)? Did you soak up the rain (see 8:24; Ps 18:10-11)? Did you ever make it to the world’s end (see Job 28:23-24)? Who then is sovereign over heaven and earth—the entirety of the cosmos? Can you tell me his name?”7 Job 38 declares the name of the Lord as Yahweh, essentially telling us, “Only the LORD, Yahweh, can do these things” (v. 1). It may be instructive to read through the entire chapter:

Then the LORD answered Job out of the whirlwind and said: . . . “Where were you when I laid the foundation of the earth? Tell me, if you have understanding. Who determined its measurements—surely you know! Or who stretched the line upon it? On what were its bases sunk, or who laid its cornerstone, when the morning stars sang together and all the sons of God shouted for joy? Or who shut in the sea with doors when it burst out from the womb, when I made clouds its garment and thick darkness its swaddling band, and prescribed limits for it and set bars and doors, and said, ‘Thus far shall you come, and no farther, and here shall your proud waves be stayed’? Have you commanded the morning since your days began, and caused the dawn to know its place, that it might take hold of the skirts of the earth, and the wicked be shaken out of it? . . . Have you entered into the springs of the sea, or

7 The chiastic pattern is bordered by the merism, “heaven and earth” and the focus of the inner core on the wind and water of the storm.

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walked in the recesses of the deep? Have the gates of death been revealed to you, or have you seen the gates of deep darkness? Have you comprehended the expanse of the earth? Declare, if you know all this. Where is the way to the dwelling of light, and where is the place of darkness, that you may take it to its territory and that you may discern the paths to its home? . . . Have you entered the storehouses of the snow, or have you seen the storehouses of the hail, which I have reserved for the time of trouble, for the day of battle and war? What is the way to the place where the light is distributed, or where the east wind is scattered upon the earth? Who has cleft a channel for the torrents of rain and a way for the thunderbolt, to bring rain on a land where no man is, on the desert in which there is no man, to satisfy the waste and desolate land, and to make the ground sprout with grass? Has the rain a father, or who has begotten the drops of dew? From whose womb did the ice come forth, and who has given birth to the frost of heaven? The waters become hard like stone, and the face of the deep is frozen. Can you bind the chains of the Pleiades or loose the cords of Orion? [Those are constellations in the sky.] Can you lead forth the Mazzaroth in their season—[a grouping of the stars], or can you guide the Bear with its children—[Ursa Major and Ursa Minor]? Do you know the ordinances of the heavens? Can you establish their rule on the earth? Can you lift up your voice to the clouds, that a flood of waters may cover you? Can you send forth lightnings, that they may go and say to you, ‘Here we are’? Who has put wisdom in the inward parts or given understanding to the mind? Who can number the clouds by wisdom? Or who can tilt the waterskins of the heavens, when the dust runs into a mass and the clods stick fast together? Can you hunt the prey for the lion, or satisfy the appetite of the young lions, when they crouch in their dens or lie in wait in their thicket? Who provides for the raven its prey, when its young ones cry to God for help, and wander about for lack of food?” (Job 38:1, 4-13, 16-20, 22-41).

Moses also asked the Lord, “What is your name? What should your people call you (Exod 3:13)?” The Lord replied,

My name is Yahweh. I AM WHO I AM. I AM the God who always was, who always is, and who always shall be. [I AM] the LORD, the God of your fathers, the God of Abraham, the God of Isaac, and the God of Jacob. . . . This is my name forever, and thus I am to be remembered throughout all generations (vv. 14-15).

So to answer Agur (Prov 30:4): The name of the LORD is Yahweh. But who is

LORD’s son? The Jews would call this son of God, Israel—the chosen nation—the children of God.8 Yet there is another Son of God. Can you tell me his name? Surely you know! Such gospel truth was not yet made available in Agur’s day.

Be humble before God’s Word Agur confesses that true wisdom cannot be gained apart from special

8 The LXX reads “his son” as plural, “his sons, his children.”

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revelation. Surely he weathers the wind and rain when he stands out in the storm. He can strain his eyes toward the expansive heavens and across the endless earth. He can know that God exists by the stirring in his soul.9 Yet he cannot truly know the Lord apart from special revelation. This is the glory of a man to not claim wisdom in himself, but in the timeless Word of God (see Isa 5:21; Jer 8:8-9; 9:23). For “every word of God proves true; he is a shield to those who take refuge in him” (Prov 30:5; see Ps 18:30-31; 2 Sam 22:31-32). Agur quotes from David’s song of victory: “This God—his way is perfect; the word of the LORD proves true; he is a shield for all those who take refuge in him” (Ps 18:30). David is celebrating the Lord’s victory on his behalf—the wisdom of his way— the truth of his Word—the power of his protection. Thus Agur points back to Psalm 18 to answer his question: “Who is the Lord? Can you tell me his name?” David has told us already in verse 31, “Who is God, but the LORD? And who is a rock, except our God?”10 “Every word of God proves true” speaks not just to veracity, but to the testing of precious metal refined by fire. For God’s Word has been tested in the fiery trials of life and has proven trustworthy every single time (see 1 Pet 4:12). God’s Word is no abstraction, but “a shield [of tempered steel] for all those who take refuge in him.” Do you personally know that God is faithful? Has he proven faithful in your every trial? Can you look back upon your life and say, “My God has never failed me”? So in Proverbs 30:6, “Do not add to his words, lest he rebuke you and you be found a liar” (see Deut 4:2;

12:32; Rev 22:18). God does not need our help. His wisdom is enough. Sadly, false teachers are always adding to God’s Word. In Jeremiah 28, the false prophet Hananiah would stand up in the temple, “in the presence of the priests and all the people, saying, ‘Thus says the LORD of hosts, the God of Israel: I have broken the

9 This evidence from creation (Rom 1:18-21) and conscience (2:14-15) is called general revelation. 10 “Agur’s changes of David’s text suggest he is employing the trope of metalepsis, a rhetorical and poetic device in which a later text alludes to an earlier one in a way that draws upon resonance of the earlier text beyond the explicit citation” (Waltke, NICOT, 2:477).

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yoke of the king of Babylon’” (vv. 1b-2). Hananiah would prophesy deliverance from captivity. Within two years, all the captives would return from exile, the riches of the temple would be restored, and King Jeconiah would once more reign upon the throne (vv. 2b-4). “And Jeremiah the prophet [would rebuke him], ‘Listen, Hananiah, the LORD has not sent you, and you have made this people trust in a lie’” (v. 15). It’s a fascinating exchange. Jeremiah will walk all over town with his neck in a yoke, like that worn by oxen, to depict the subjugation of God’s people. Hananiah will break this yoke to visually depict that God will break the yoke of Babylon (vv. 10-11). Yet Jeremiah would prophesy again: “Thus says the LORD: You have broken wooden bars, but you have made in their place bars of iron” (v. 13). If you add to God’s word, even in the midst of your trials, you are calling God a liar. Many false teachers today are adding to the words of Scripture. They see people in trouble and difficulties with sickness and poverty. So they promise physical healing and material prosperity and your best life now. Yet they are adding to Scripture.

They don’t believe God’s Word to be either true or sufficient. They don’t believe it will stand the test of refinement in the fiery trials of life. Their promises are more than God’s and at the same time less. Yet aren’t we also sometimes guilty of adding to God’s Word? Consider, for example, how we add excuses and appendages to God’s promises: “‘No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man’ (1 Cor 10:13a). No temptation, that is, except for mine. No one understands my pain. No one’s ever had it worse than me. Yes, I know theoretically that ‘God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability’ (v. 13b), but you don’t understood what I’m going through. I can’t forgive. I can’t resist. I can’t endure. God must have made a mistake.’ Yes, I know God says that ‘with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it’ (v. 13c), but I’m just too tired. I need a break. I can’t keep fighting this temptation to sin. I’m sure God will forgive me.” Every Word of God will only prove true when we endure through the fiery trial and trust God to be faithful. For you cannot 271

test steel on a beach in Florida. You cannot know that God is faithful apart from trials.

Be humble before God’s providence Agur then makes a humble request of the Lord, “Two things I ask of you; deny them not to me before I die” (Prov 30:7). Here’s my prayer for as long as I live in this fallen world. Let my heart and lips be pure: “Remove far from me falsehood and lying; give me neither poverty nor riches” (v. 8a). Do not make me either too rich or too poor, but instead “feed me with the food that is needful for me, lest I be full and deny you and say, ‘Who is the LORD?’ or lest I be poor and steal and profane the name of my God” (vv. 8b-9). Agur wisely centers his heart upon the Lord: “O Lord, do not make me rich. Provide only the food I need or I will grow proud in my prosperity. I might believe the lie that I do not need you—that I can make it on my own. I might turn my wealth into an idol. But also God, please do not make me poor. Provide for me my daily bread or I might grow desperate in my poverty (see 6:30). I might believe the lie that you don’t care—that I’ve got to make it on my own. I might turn my fear into an idol.” As J. C.

Ryle wrote, “Money is one of the most unsatisfying of possessions. It takes away some cares, no doubt; but brings with it quite as many cares. There is trouble in getting it, anxiety in keeping it, temptations in using it, guilt in abusing it, sorrow in losing it, and perplexity in disposing of it.”11 “O Lord, give me neither poverty nor riches. Let me not be the fool who claims there is no God (Ps 14:1)—who profanes the name of God—who denies the fame of God: ‘Who is the Lord?’ Instead, turn my heart to yours and prove true your every word. For who is God, but the LORD? And who is a rock, except our

God?” We might rephrase Agur’s prayer to be our own: “O Lord, grant me only what is needful to make me more like Jesus.” Give me trials or give me rest.

11 Quote adapted from J. C. Ryle’s sermon on Riches and Poverty (1878), https://www.gracegems.org/Ryle/riches_and_poverty.htm.

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Give me only what is best. Make me rich or make me poor. Whichever way just make me more like Jesus. Agur’s prayer for humility reveals the foundation of his wisdom in the rest of the chapter (Prov 30:10-33). For only God can cure our foolish pride because “the fear of the LORD is the beginning of wisdom, and the knowledge of the Holy One is insight” (9:10). Although we are thousands of years removed from this unknown sage, we still benefit from his wisdom. For we live in the same fallen world and also trust in the eternally faithful God.

Agur’s Principles for Wisdom (vv. 10-33)

Beware of selfish pride Agur first warns against selfish pride (vv. 10-17). “Do not slander a servant to his master, lest he curse you, and you be held guilty” (v. 10). Now slander is always wrong in general (16:28; 18:8; 25:23; 26:20, 28), but here it is specifically wrong to “slander a servant to his master.” Don’t badmouth your friendly barista to his manager. Don’t tell tales about your coworkers to the boss. If it’s not your business, don’t be a meddler (26:17). Let their employer handle the situation. Note also that the proverbs were written to the sons of kings, so these “servants” were likely mid-level officials, nobles, and lords. Beware of that servant’s curse again you. He might take you to court and then you’ll be sorry when convicted as guilty. Or consider Daniel’s jealous coworkers in the kingdom of Persia who connived to throw him into the lions’ den (Dan 6). They slandered him before the king and snuck around to pile up evidence. Now Daniel didn’t have to curse them or take them to court, but only because God himself handled those wicked men. But why did they seek to entrap Daniel? Why do we slander against our coworkers? Why do we hurl our impatience at the friendly barista? Because of selfish 273

pride. Daniel got the promotion. Our coworkers got the higher bonus. The barista used skim instead of whole. When we get angry, we’re thinking more about ourselves than the good of others. That’s pride! Agur says, “No, we must be humble before the Lord who gives each one our place and status in this life.” Yes, there is a time to stand up for truth, but check your pride at the door. Proverbs 30:11 describes another example of selfish pride: “There are those who curse their fathers and do not bless their mothers” (see 10:1; 15:20; 17:21, 25; 23:15,

16, 24, 25; 27:11; 29:3). They do not honor their father and mother as commanded in God’s law (Exod 20:12; Deut 5:16; see Lev 19:3). They do not bless the ones to whom they owe their very life. Instead they curse their parents out of selfish pride. They insist on getting their own way. They desire independence. They want their elderly parent’s money without the burden of having to care for them. Like the prodigal son (Luke 15:12), they disparage their parents to receive inheritance in advance (Prov 20:21; see Matt 15:3- 6).

Children, examine your own attitude toward your parents. Do you ever curse your parents by talking back or mumbling under your breath? Do you ever fail to honor them by your attitude and actions? The problem is not that your parents are overbearing or unfair or just don’t get it. They may be all those things, but even their failure does not excuse your selfish pride. You have a sinful heart that bubbles up in sinful speech. You have a prideful heart that only God can change. To curse one’s parents—to speak evil against them, according to God’s law, was punishable by death (Exod 21:17; Deut 27:16). It was a serious offense. “The eye that mocks a father and scorns to obey a mother will be picked out by the ravens of the valley and eaten by the vultures” (Prov 30:17; see 20:20). Adult children who rebel against their parents and fail to show them honor, deserve to be left out in the desert to die of thirst—unburied bodies picked apart by birds of prey. Children, think twice before talking bad about your parents. Be humble before the parents whom God has placed as your authority. And if you have sinned 274

against them, then humbly repent. Agur then focuses on the heart of sinful pride: “There are those who are clean in their own eyes but are not washed of their filth. There are those—how lofty are their eyes, how high their eyelids lift!” (30:12-13). The raising of one’s eyes symbolized a prideful heart (6:17; 21:4; Ps 131:1; Matt 6:22-23). Yet though they see with their eyes, the proud are self-deluded (Prov 12:15; 16:2). They are blind to their own sin (Jer 17:9; John 9:40-41). They think that they are clean though they sink down into vomit (Isa 28:8) and the human excrement of their filth (36:12). Like Pharisees, they are white-washed tombs, yet filled with dead men’s bones (Matt 23:25-27). “Who can say, ‘I have made my heart pure; I am clean from my sin’?” (Prov 20:9). Surely no man. For only God can cleanse the heart. Only God can remove our selfish pride (Luke 16:15). According to 3:7, “Be not wise in your own eyes; fear the LORD, and turn away from evil.” Jesus once told a story about a Pharisee and a tax collector because the people were not trusting in the Lord. They were self-righteous in their pride—in comparing themselves to others. Their eyes were haughty and lifted up.

He . . . told this parable to some who trusted in themselves that they were righteous, and treated others with contempt: “Two men went up into the temple to pray, one a Pharisee and the other a tax collector. The Pharisee, standing by himself, prayed thus: ‘God, I thank you that I am not like other men, extortioners, unjust, adulterers, or even like this tax collector. I fast twice a week; I give tithes of all that I get.’ But the tax collector, standing far off, would not even lift up his eyes to heaven, but beat his breast, saying, ‘God, be merciful to me, a sinner!’ I tell you, this man went down to his house justified, rather than the other. For everyone who exalts himself will be humbled, but the one who humbles himself will be exalted” (Luke 18:9-14).

Pride begins in the heart, but then manifests itself in outward behavior, words, and actions: “There are those whose teeth are swords, whose fangs are knives, to devour the poor from off the earth, the needy from among mankind” (Prov 30:14). The rich are selfish in their pride. They view their own interests as more important than the underprivileged. Their appetite slices-and-dices like butcher’s knives. They divide up the poor and devour the needy (e.g., 22:22). For greed is often rooted in pride. In 30:15, “The

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leech has two daughters: Give and Give.”12 These ugly twins have identical names, describing their desire: “Gimme! Gimme!” For the leech is not a posterchild for symbiosis. Rather, the leech is out to suck your blood. Proud people are parasitic in that they serve themselves at the expense of others. So also in verse 16, “Three things are never satisfied; four never say, ‘Enough’: Sheol, the barren womb, the land never satisfied with water, and the fire that never says, ‘Enough,’” Every day thousands of souls enter eternity unprepared—unwarned about the depths of Sheol. The grave never seems to have enough. The barren womb is never satisfied. Every month, the hopeful woman waits to find if she will be a mother. The drought in California cannot be satisfied by scattered showers or the trickling of snowmelt. It just seeps into the ground and disappears. So also, the forest fire rages, consuming everything in its path—the mighty trees like kindling are not enough. Greed consumes, but is never satisfied. It never has enough. But when we are humble—when we are seeking to serve one another—when every day is a gift from God, then we will be satisfied. The key to contentment is a humble heart.

Beware of the adulteress So Agur warns against selfish pride (vv. 10-17), then he warns against the folly of adultery (vv. 18-20). He begins by describing four wonders of the world: “Three things are too wonderful for me; four I do not understand: the way of an eagle in the sky, the way of a serpent on a rock, the way of a ship on the high seas, and the way of a man with a virgin” (vv. 18-19; see Job 42:3). Agur points out these wonderful illustrations in God’s creation. Have you ever peered over a cliff’s edge and watched the eagle soar majestic, without effort, so close it seems you could leap upon its back? Have you ever watched a serpent glide beneath the sun, entranced by its enjoyment? Have you ever trembled in the

12 Agur may be personifying the blood-sucking horseleech, whose daughters are its two sucking organs at each end (one to suck blood and the other to attach itself to its host).

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mainmast of a ship upon the sea? Have you ever seen a young man head-over-heels in virtuous love? Such natural wonders are awe-inspiring, but here’s one thing that’s not: “This is the way of an adulteress: she eats and wipes her mouth and says, ‘I have done no wrong’” (v. 20; 2:16-19; chs. 5-7; 9:13-18). The adulteress has no remorse for sin. She justifies her guilt. She is enchantingly deceptive: majestic in beauty like the eagle and smooth with pleasure like the snake. She moves from one man to the next like a ship upon the waves of the sea. She whispers words as sweet as honey like lovers often do.

Yet she will devour her prey and spit him out: “He does not know that the dead are there, that her guests are in the depths of Sheol” (9:17). Be humbled by God’s natural order in the beauty of creation. Behold what takes your breath away. Yet so also, walk humbly in God’s ordering of morality: “He has told you, O man, what is good; and what does the LORD require of you but to do justice, and to love kindness, and to walk humbly with your God?” (Mic 6:8). The very God who made the eagle fly, the serpent slide, and the ship to roll upon the waves has created you and me by his design. God made relationships just as he made the world, therefore we must submit to our Creator’s wisdom.

Be humble in all circumstances Be humble even when the sovereign God upends your circumstances and society seems upside-down: “Under three things the earth trembles; under four it cannot bear up: a slave when he becomes king, and a fool when he is filled with food; an unloved woman when she gets a husband, and a maidservant when she displaces her mistress” (Prov 30:21-23). When the “have nots” displace the “haves” it’s often chaos on the throne, for authoritative power must not be used for vengeance (e.g., 1 Kgs 16:9-20). The fool who stuffs himself with throw it up in vomit (Prov 25:16). A woman, so desirous to have a husband, makes unwise choices (e.g., John 4). She becomes a quarreler and a nag (see Prov 12:4; 19:13; 21:9, 19; 25:24; 27:15; e.g., Gen 16). God may

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sometimes give you blessings. He may grant you a promotion or material provisions or the prospect of a spouse. Be humble in those times, not greedy. Acknowledge that all good gifts have come from God (Jas 1:17) and give God glory for those good gifts (1 Cor 10:31). Instead of selfishness, look for ways to serve. Even if you find yourself at the bottom when the social order collapses, still be humble. Trust in the sovereign God to govern all things right.

Be humble in weakness

Agur’s call to humble wisdom continues:

Four things on earth are small, but they are exceedingly wise: the ants are a people not strong, yet they provide their food in the summer; the rock badgers are a people not mighty, yet they make their homes in the cliffs; the locusts have no king, yet all of them march in rank; the lizard you can take in your hands, yet it is in kings’ palaces (Prov 30:24-28).13

We must remain humble before the Lord who pours out wisdom even on the smallest of his creatures. The ants wisely prepare for winter (6:6-8). The cuddly coney looks like a chubby guinea pig and hides within the crevices of rock (Ps 104:18b).14 The locusts work together though they do not have a king. The gecko also may be small, but somehow it lives like royalty. The sovereign God provides for us as well: provision, shelter, unity, and boldness. Thus by acknowledging our humble weakness, God will make us wise (1 Cor 1:27-29).

Be humble in strength Yet God not only teaches wisdom through the smallest of his creatures. He also shows us through the mighty: “Three things are stately in their tread; four are stately

13 Derek Kidner calls them wee but wise beasties. This passage celebrates brains over brawn. 14 “This yellow and brown Syrian coney (procavia syriacus) lives among rocks from the Dead Sea valley to Mt. Hermon. About the size of hare and with a short tail, but with small ears, it is admirably suited for its habitat. It has no hoofs but broad nails. The toes, four on the forelegs and three on the back limbs, are connected with skin almost like a web. Under its feet it has pads like sucking-discs which enable it keep its footing on slippery rocks” (Waltke, NICOT, 2:497).

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in their stride: the lion, which is mightiest among beasts and does not turn back before any; the strutting rooster, the he-goat, and a king whose army is with him” (Prov 30:29- 31). Ever watch a lion in the wild? He just lies there in the grass. Every now and then he roars. Yet he is not in hiding. He’s not glancing nervously about. He’s mostly napping, because he is king. There is nothing which he fears. Or have you seen the strutting rooster? They call him “cocky” for a reason. And the he-goat, after locking horns with his inferior, struts about the herd to pick his mate. So also is the king who leads a massive army. Yet who gave the lion teeth and claws? Who gave the rooster talons and the he- goat horns? Who has appointed kings to take the throne (Rom 13:1), but God alone? We must be humble before the Lord who ordains the stateliest of creatures.

Be humble in repentance Faced with God’s wisdom in the order of creation, Agur concludes his call to humility: “If you have been foolish, exalting yourself, or if you have been devising evil, put your hand on your mouth. For pressing milk produces curds, pressing the nose produces blood, and pressing anger produces strife” (vv. 32-33). Even the king must temper his pride. He must restrain himself from foolish words and wicked ways (see Job 21:5). For should he elevate himself too high his enemies will knock him down to size. They’ll bloody his nose in a fight. For just as churning milk produces butter and twisting the nose produces blood, a leader who subjugates an angry people will stir them into conflict (Prov 29:22). It takes humility to rule a nation well and humility to apply God’s wisdom in our daily lives. We have heard Agur’s prayer for humility and his principles for wisdom, so how then do we live with humble wisdom in a fallen world? We must return to Agur’s promise of salvation.

Agur’s Promise of Salvation (v. 5) In 30:5, “Every word of God proves true; he is a shield to those who take refuge in him.” God promises refuge for the fearful and guidance for the simple. He 279

declares his every word is true. Yet how can this be in a fallen world? How can God promise to keep us safe from circumstances, other sinners, and even from ourselves?

Seek refuge in Jesus In Jesus Christ, God kept his Word—incarnate Christ who walked upon the earth. For Jesus is the living Word of God (John 1:1-3) who in this fallen world was tested and tried. He is the living Word of God who spoke God’s Word. He trusted in the Word of God himself and is our shield against temptation. He is our comfort in the midst of suffering—our refuge in the war: “For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but one who in every respect has been tempted as we are, yet without sin. Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need” (Heb 4:15-16). “So if there is any encouragement in Christ, any comfort from love, any participation in the Spirit, any affection and sympathy, complete my joy by being of the same mind, having the same love, being in full accord and of one mind” (Phil 2:1-2).

Christians are called to be like Christ who refused to be proud. “Do nothing from rivalry or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others” (vv. 3-4). Christians can live like Christ because Christ lives in them: “Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus, who, though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, but made himself nothing, taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men. And being found in human form, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross” (vv. 5-8). Jesus humbly gave his life for proud and greedy sinners. He died in the place of rebellious children and foolish adulterers. He humbly accepted his Father’s will in every situation (e.g., Luke 22:42), including a life of poverty and derision. He humbly trusted in God’s Word as true when he was tested in the wilderness (e.g., Matt 4:1-11).

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He humbly observed God’s wisdom in both the smallest and the stateliest of creatures (e.g., Matt 6:26-30). He humbly submitted to earthly kings, though he himself was the King of kings. “Therefore God has highly exalted him and bestowed on him the name that is above every name, so that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth, and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father” (vv. 9-11). We now worship Christ as Ruler over all, for he alone sends and withholds the wind and rain. He alone ordains our status and our earthly wealth. He alone has placed us under the authority of parents and employers, government agencies and the church. He alone protects the smallest creatures and governs every detail in the universe. He is the King of kings. So who is the Lord? And what is the name of his Son? His name is Jesus, for he has saved his people from their sins (Matt 1:21).

Seek wisdom in Jesus Wisdom is not about learning new techniques, but about growing in godly character. For wisdom is not a door, but a pathway. And at the end of the pathway stands the King of kings and the Lord of lords. He alone is the wisdom that we need. Paul explains God’s purpose to root out our pride:

For the foolishness of God is wiser than men, and the weakness of God is stronger than men. For consider your calling, brothers: not many of you were wise according to worldly standards, not many were powerful, not many were of noble birth. But God chose what is foolish in the world to shame the wise; God chose what is weak in the world to shame the strong; God chose what is low and despised in the world, even things that are not, to bring to nothing things that are, so that no human being might boast in the presence of God. And because of him you are in Christ Jesus, who became to us wisdom from God, righteousness and sanctification and redemption, so that, as it is written, “Let the one who boasts, boast in the Lord” (1 Cor 1:25-31).

We are not wise enough to navigate our trials. We are not strong enough to overcome our enemies. We are not good enough to accomplish our salvation. We must be humble and boast in the Lord. For in Christ alone, God has promised our salvation. May this be our humble prayer for wise living in a fallen world: “O Lord, grant me only what

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is needed to make me more like Jesus.”

Life Application Study:

1. Describe a time when you despaired about the meaninglessness of life or your apparent lack of purpose. What were your circumstances? What were you thinking, feeling, and wanting?

2. What evidence in God’s created world shows him to be infinitely greater than man? What declaration in his Word does the same? Why is humility the doorway to receiving God’s wisdom?

3. Do you trust that every word of God proves true? Has he ever failed you? How has God’s word been tested in your various trials?

4. Where do you turn in times of trouble? Is God your first or last resort for refuge? What must you change to make him first?

5. Where do you need more humility: At work? At home? With relationships? With money? In trials or temptation? For salvation? Pray to the Lord today: “Grant me only what is needed to make me more like Jesus.”

Memory Verse

Proverbs 30:5 Every word of God proves true; he is a shield to those who take refuge in him.

Resources for further study:

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Priolo, Lou. Teach Them Diligently: How to Use the Scriptures in Child Training. Woodruff, SC: Timeless Texts, 2000. Younts, John A. Everyday Talk: Talking Freely and Naturally About God With Your Children. Wapwallopen, PA: Shepherd Press, 2011.

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MARRIAGE: HE WHO FINDS A WIFE FINDS A GOOD THING (PROV 31)

In the garden of Eden there lived a man whose name was Adam (Gen 2:20). The Creator had formed Adam from the dust of the ground (2:7) and the man was made in the image of God as a reflection of God’s glory (1:26-27). He was loved by God and given the task of governing God’s creation in the newly-formed world (1:28). Yet God declared Adam’s condition as not good: “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him” (2:18; cp. 1:31). Notice the significance of God’s statement: Man had been made in the image of God. He possessed physical perfection, a spiritual soul, and intellectual brilliance. He enjoyed every provision needed for life in paradise. He had a mandate from God—a purpose in his work to be in charge of all creation. He dwelt in fellowship with the Holy One himself. Yet still, Adam’s state was declared “not good.” He needed a helper who was like him, yet different. He needed a wife. For marriage was never meant to replace God’s love, but to demonstrate it. If we make marriage our purpose in life or turn our spouse into a functional god, we will destroy God’s precious gift to us. For marriage fails when we seek self-fulfillment: “What can I get out of marriage? What’s the benefit to myself? How can my spouse fulfill my love language?” Yes, marriage is a blessing, but only to be experienced in the fullness of God’s grace. Marriage only works when selfish sinners, by the grace of God, have chosen to serve each other. For God designed marriage from the very beginning to be one man and one woman serving one another for one lifetime (Gen 2:18-25; Matt 19:1-9). The husband is to faithfully love his wife (Prov 5:18) and the wife to faithfully love her husband (2:17). So what happens when you find yourself trapped in a difficult marriage? What happens when the day after the wedding you realize that—(Surprise—Surprise!)—you married a sinner? What happens when you no longer feel “in love” or when your spouse declares you are no longer meeting their needs? What happens when you are tempted to

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quit? You must turn in hope to the Word of God: “For whatever was written in former days [including the Proverbs] was written for our instruction, that through endurance and through the encouragement of the Scriptures we might have hope” (Rom 15:4). The Proverbs are God’s wisdom when we don’t know what to do, offering practical skill for living well in a broken world. They are profitable for every subject pertaining to life and godliness (2 Pet 1:3). So in this final chapter of the book of Proverbs we consider God’s wisdom for marriage.

Proverbs 31 records “the words of King Lemuel” (v. 1a), but we know almost nothing about this man. There was never a king of Israel by that name (although it could have been a nickname). The instruction which follows reveals him to be a worshiper of Yahweh and his name, Lemu-el, meant “belonging to God.” He was most likely a contemporary of Solomon whom history has long since forgotten. So once again, true wisdom depends not on the speaker, but on the source. And we cherish God’s Word even when it comes by way of unknown messenger.

The Proverbs 31 Man (vv. 1-9) Lemuel begins by painting the portrait of a godly man as he remembers “an oracle that his mother taught him: What are you doing, my son? What are you doing, son of my womb? What are you doing, son of my vows?” (vv. 1b-2). His mother speaks words which parents often say: “What are you doing? What ever gave you that idea?

Here, son, let me set you straight.” She implores on the basis of their familial relationship: “You are my son. I gave birth to you. I vowed to dedicate you to the Lord.”

Certainly most of us would do much better if we listened to our mothers (4:3; 10:1; 15:20; 19:26; 20:20; 23:22, 25; 29:15; 30:17).

Be wise with women The Queen mother warns her son: “Do not give your strength to women, your ways to those who destroy kings” (v. 3). She tells him, “Do not pursue the forbidden 285

woman whether she be the wife of another man or the worshipper of false gods. Yes, as the king you can get whatever you want. You can seek unrestrained sexual gratification or command women into your chamber. But do not go down that path.” Notice, however, the reason she gives: She does not say how it is morally wrong, although it is. She does not cite how it demeans women and demoralizes men, although it does. She exhorts her son to self-restraint for the sake of his own good. If he started chasing after skirts and building up his harem, he could not serve his people well, or govern the kingdom wisely, or sniff out any palace intrigue. He might squander the national treasury or betray his honor for the sake of a woman. This wise counsel has been repeatedly proven true: David with Bathsheba (2 Sam 11), Solomon and his many wives (1 Kgs 11:1-4), Ahab and Queen Jezebel (16:30-33), Herod and Herodius (Mark 6:14- 28), and many other kings who have fallen since because of foolishness with women. This does not mean, of course, that all women should be avoided, simply those who will destroy you: “Stay away from the bad ones! Stay away from wicked women!” Lemuel’s mother tells him to beware.

Be sober-minded She then sirens a second warning: “It is not for kings, O Lemuel, it is not for kings to drink wine, or for rulers to take strong drink, lest they drink and forget what has been decreed and pervert the rights of all the afflicted” (1:4-5). As only a mother can she tells her son: “Don’t be a drunkard. Don’t drown yourself in wine.” She does not advocate for prohibition, but for prudence: “Be self-controlled. Be wise with alcohol.

Don’t forget that you’re a king. You have important work to do. Do not let drinking distort your sense of justice.”

Be compassionate to the poor Instead of wasting the kingship on himself with wine and women, he must use his position to show compassion for others. Therefore, “give strong drink to the one who 286

is perishing, and wine to those in bitter distress; let them drink and forget their poverty and remember their misery no more” (vv. 6-7). Too much wine could harm a king by impeding his good judgment, yet wine could also be a comfort to the hurting—a pain reliever for the perishing. Sarcastically, his mother cries: “Let them drink wine. Free beer for the poor.” Sadly, we know that such relief is merely temporary. We cannot drown our sorrows in drink because our problems still remain at the bottom of the keg. We do not trust in opiate for the masses, so a longer-term solution is in order: “Open your mouth for the mute, for the rights of all who are destitute. Open your mouth, judge righteously, defend the rights of the poor and needy” (vv. 8-9). “Be the voice of those who have no voice. Speak on behalf of the poor and downtrodden. Make laws and decrees to protect their rights. Use your kingship to show compassion.” Leaders must push for social justice. They must speak on behalf of the helpless and hurting. “O Lemuel, belonging to God, ponder your place in achieving God’s purpose.” Young man, consider now what this teaching has to do with you. Surely you are not a king (of Israel or any other nation), but you do hold some authority in life. You need wisdom to live life well. So first, be wise toward women. In this wireless age of internet and social media you can have any woman you want (or at least pictures of her). Beware she will destroy you. Men, if you are married, find satisfaction in your wife (5:18). Do not allow your eyes to wander or let your thoughts stray beyond the home, for the adulteress will destroy your life, your family, and your ministry. Be wise toward women. Second, do not be a drunkard. Practice self-control and moderation. Enjoy God’s goodness at the dinner table with a glass of wine, but don’t let alcohol cloud your judgment. Don’t escape your trials with intoxication. Face the world with the wisdom of God and not with foolish measures. Third, leverage your authority for good. You may be the boss of a company: Take care how you treat your employees. You may be a leader in the church: Consider your ministry to those whom you serve. You may be a husband or a father: Are your decisions best for the family and not just yourself? Are you making 287

decisions and taking initiative that will lead your family spiritually? Use your power to serve those without. Lemuel’s principles are simple to hear, but not always easy to follow.

The Proverbs 31 Woman (vv. 10-31) But enough about men. Let’s talk about women. The next section (vv. 10-31) depicts the Proverbs 31 woman and perhaps reveals some differences between men and women. There are certainly more verses and more words describing women and more flowery words at that.1 There’s more artistry and creativity regarding women. In fact, these 22 verses are shaped as an acrostic poem, each verse beginning with another letter in the Hebrew alphabet. There also seems to be so many more expectations for women. Men only have three things to remember: “Seek justice, stay sober, and don’t sleep around.” But women have what seems like an endless list of expectations—the A to Z of spiritual etiquette. In fact, this list of virtues appears unrealistic for any mortal to accomplish, causing women to feel inadequate. Yet this must not ever be the case.

First of all, Proverbs 31 was written not to women, but to men—to describe the kind of woman who would make a good wife. In fact, it was the Jewish men who memorized this proverb as an ode to their wives. Secondly, it was not condemnation for where a woman had fallen short, but rather a celebration of every women being created in the image of God. The characteristics in Proverbs 31 are like beautiful pearls strung together on a priceless necklace. Not every woman has them all, but here’s what it would look like if she did. Also, realize that in the Hebrew Bible, the book of Ruth follows immediately after the book of Proverbs. So when we are looking for an example of the Proverbs 31 woman she’s already there in Scripture. We simply have to turn the page. For the phrase, “an excellent woman” is actually used of Ruth before she is married,

1 Realize, of course, that Proverbs devotes the previous thirty chapters to young men, so it is clear that they need instruction.

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before she has children, and before she gains great wealth and honor (Ruth 3:11). This reveals an important truth: that you can be a valiant woman without any of those things. Proverbs 31 applies to every woman seeking to walk worthy of her God. Still it is crucial that we talk about marriage, for “the wisest of women builds her house, but folly with her own hands tears it down” (Prov 14:1). The kind of wife you are or the kind of woman you marry will either build up or tear down your house. Also in 12:4, “An excellent wife is the crown of her husband, but she who brings shame is like rottenness in his bones.” A wife can be a crown or a cancer—a blessing or a burden. So it is vitally important that we understand this final teaching in the book of Proverbs.

Be trustworthy First, we learn that a godly wife is worthy of trust: “An excellent wife who can find? She is far more precious than jewels. The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain. She does him good, and not harm, all the days of her life” (vv. 10-12). The excellent, or valiant wife, is hard to find. Like a precious jewel, she must be cherished by her husband (3:15; Eph 5:29; 1 Pet 3:1-6): “Don’t let this one get away!” He trusts his heart to her completely. His whole body, mind, and soul depends upon his wife. This is shocking, because elsewhere in the Bible, only God is to be trusted with all one’s heart (see 2 Kgs 18:21; Ps 118:8–9; Isa 36:5; Jer 5:17; 12:52; 18:10; 48:7; Ezek 33:13; Mic 7:5). The only exception is made for the excellent wife who fears the Lord, because you can trust the one who trusts in God. The husband of a godly wife will receive great blessing and no lack of gain. Everything she does for him is good—spiritually and physically beneficial. She doubles his quality of life, his business pursuits, his ministry efforts. And this she does for all the days of her life—“until death do us part.” Men, consider the blessing of your wife, how you rely on her, and how often she does you good, not harm. Think of all the ways you trust your wife in managing the home and caring for the children. There are hundreds of things you don’t even think

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about because you trust your wife. Consider also your spiritual well-being. Your godly wife discerns when to be patient and when to speak up. She fills herself with the Word of God to help you lead the family well. A godly wife is worthy of trust.

Be purposeful Secondly, a godly wife is a woman of purpose—not perfection, but purpose. Consider all the work she does in this passage. Her gross domestic product is like a small country. She brings in revenue for the family: “She seeks wool and flax, and works with willing hands” (v. 13). She doesn’t complain about a little hard work shearing sheep and harvesting crops. Her hands take pleasure in crafting clothes. “She is like the ships of the merchant; she brings her food from afar” (v. 14). In ancient times, it took vast planning, coordination, and financial backing to send a merchant vessel across the seas. So this woman is creatively industrious. She has goods to trade and many connections in the field of commerce. She buys food and brings it to the house. It does not just appear out of nowhere. All this benefits her family with exotic cuisine that is hard to find in any other home. She adds spice and variety to the dinner table. “She rises while it is yet night and provides food for her household and portions for her maidens” (v. 15). She puts the well- being of the household before her own comfort. Now this is not a mandate, of course, to wake up at four in the morning, but she does wake up early enough to care for the household. The godly wife is not a lazy sluggard (26:14). In today’s parlance, she is cooking and cleaning, shuttling kids and shopping for groceries, helping the needy and serving the neighbors. She is teaching her children and supporting her husband and praying for sisters in the church. She stays up late with sick kids and wakes up early to feed the baby. She is efficient and organized. She plans out her chores. Yet her life is more than a daily to-do list—an endless cycle of mundane tasks, for she does all her work in the fear of the Lord (31:30). She serves the Lord by serving others. She understands the glory of the ordinary as once displayed in a filthy stable

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with blue-collar parents in a nowhere-town like Nazareth. Our Lord Jesus, as an itinerant preacher, knew the daily grind of having to find food and a place to sleep, commuting to and fro with disciples who constantly complained and fought amongst themselves. Mothers, your children don’t need a Star of Bethlehem example, because most of their lives will end up just like yours—unspectacular. They will one day drive their own children to school and sporting events. They will have their own leaky roofs and flooding toilets. They will spend the majority of their lives in the mundane. Yet in Christ, we find glory in the ordinary. We serve others in the everyday crevices of life. In fact, one startling truth about this passage is the abundance of military terms to describe the valiant wife.2 Your wife might shop at Amazon, but she’s no Amazonian. So why, in Proverbs 31, is the valiant wife described as a warrior? Perhaps it is because her combat is in the everyday ordinariness of life. Mothers and wives are on the front lines of a spiritual skirmish. They are battling boredom and discontentment and frustration about the little things of life. They are fighting to fear the Lord by the way they serve their family. Listen to the wisdom of Proverbs 31. You don’t need a vacation or a maid or a preschool or the lottery or two free hours without distraction for a little bit of “me” time. What you need most of all, in the chaos of everyday life is total reliance on Jesus Christ. All of those blessings are good in their place, but what you turn to in the midst of the battle reveals what you worship. Your god is what you say will save you. So the Lord will grace you with a messy husband and screaming kids and bills to pay and a never- ending list of chores, not to frustrate you, but by his grace to lead you into total reliance

2 “Placing the direct object as the poem’s initial words, the sage brings immediately into focus his celebrant, a valiant wife (ʿēset ḥayil, also 12:4). Hayil elsewhere denotes ‘competent strength’ (Prov 12:4; cf. Ps 84:8) and connotes wealth (cf. 2 Kgs. 15:20) and membership in a select group (cf. Gen 47:6; Exod 18:21), including a warrior class (2 Kgs 24:14 and 16). ‘Valiant’ satisfies these notions and fits the present heroic form (cf. LXX andreios ‘manly, courageous’)” (Waltke, NICOT, 2:521). She also wins spoils for her husband (31:11) and is characterized as a merchant vessel (v. 14). She arises like a lioness who hunts by night (v. 15) and girds her loins with strength (v. 17). She is like a conqueror who laughs at her metaphorical enemy (v. 25; see 1:26; 29:9).

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on him. Like Susanna Wesley, you may need to throw an apron over your head to have some quiet time with Jesus. Do whatever it takes to find the glory in the ordinary. The excellent wife also “considers a field and buys it; with the fruit of her hands she plants a vineyard” (v. 16). She is wise with money and savvy in the marketplace. She knows just how much things are worth and how to find a deal. She doesn’t merely sit upon her earnings, but turns them into greater profit. Planting a vineyard takes much strategic planning,3 but she spends the money wisely and never fails to follow through. “She dresses herself with strength and makes her arms strong” (v. 17)—not from frequenting the fitness center, but from working in the fields. “She perceives that her merchandise is profitable. Her lamp does not go out at night” (v. 18). She works diligently all day long to bring profit to her family. The food on the table, the clothes on their backs, the honor given to her husband, the security of wealth: All depict the fruit of her labor. She keeps the lights on to finish her work and her work is what keeps the lights on. The proverb then zooms in on verse 19, “She puts her hands to the distaff, and her hands hold the spindle.” These tools were like an ancient sewing machine. So this woman would skillfully take the strands of wool and flax and pull them back-and-forth across the spindle for multi-layered garments. The thread-count speaks of quality, for the godly wife is purposeful in her diligence. Men, have you created in your home a culture where your wife can flourish?

Can she take calculated risks unintimidated by your anger? Are you an authoritarian control freak or a servant leader? According to 1 Peter 3:7, “Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered.” Men, your believing wife is just as much an heir of grace as you are. She has

3 After buying the field, she would have to dig it up and clear it of stones, before planting with the choicest vines, building a watchtower, and cutting out a winepress (see Isa 5:2). Thankfully, her husband trusts her with the joint account. He isn’t fighting for control.

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been given talents and gifts to serve the Lord. But you must treat her as your wife not just like another one of your guy friends. Hopefully, you have learned early on in marriage how to live with your wife in an understanding way.

Be compassionate to the poor The excellent wife cares for her own family, but also for the poor: “She opens her hand to the poor and reaches out her hands to the needy” (v. 20). Her compassion overflows outside the home. She gives generously to those in need (14:21). She has not only concern for the poor, but also the means by which to help them. For if we really are concerned about giving to the poor, our work will be motivated by generosity (Eph 4:28). “Show me your faith by your works” (Jas 2:14-26). This excellent wife can afford to care for others, since she has already provided for her family: “She is not afraid of snow for her household, for all her household are clothed in scarlet. She makes bed coverings for herself; her clothing is fine linen and purple” (Prov 31:21-22). The godly woman must be wise and frugal, yet still possessing an eye for beauty and for excellence. Fine clothes and elegant décor are not without their virtues. For red was the color of wealth—the crimson display of costly wool. Purple was the color of royalty and fine linen the stuff of kings. Yet the proverbs do not simply instruct us regarding fashion sense or interior decorating. The point is not color and style, but rather the extravagance expended. Her family’s clothing and their bedcovers were of the highest quality. Therefore, if she could afford such costly material, she could certainly keep them warm. Instead of worrying, she prepares for winter. She is fearless of the future, because she fears the Lord and nothing else (v. 30).

Be a helper to your husband Then in verse 23, “Her husband is known in the gates when he sits among the elders of the land.” He is well-respected by his peers, one of the leaders of the city. He has gotten there not merely on his own merits, but also with the help of his wife. He can 293

serve on the city council without worrying about his wife at home. He is not embarrassed by her, but blessed. She compensates for any areas of his weakness. She plays the Ruth to his Boaz (e.g., Ruth 3:11)—the Abigail to his David (e.g., 1 Sam 25)—the Priscilla to his Aquila (e.g., Acts 18). And how does she do this? Let me count the ways:4 Almost every man I know has become a snappier dresser as a result of his wife, some remarkably so. Men, you will eat better and with more variety when you trust the menu to your wife. Your home will become a welcome place for hospitality and for friends, no longer the bachelor pad with ratty furniture and posters on the walls. She will be your conversation partner and your laughing companion to seek adventure. She will be your lover as Proverbs 5 graphically portrays the pleasure of intimacy with one’s wife (vv. 15-19). She will be the mother of your children and the greatest influence in their lives. A godly wife will also pray for her husband and contribute sound wisdom to his decisions. Sometimes she will even stand in his way when he’s attempting folly or whisper correction so he is not shamed. She forgives him when he fails and applauds when he succeeds. A godly wife, in all respects, is a helper to her husband. Now this passage is not only an acrostic, but also what is called a chiasm.5 The

4 A nod to Elizabeth Barrett Browning’s 43rd sonnet in Sonnets from the Portuguese (1850). 5 A: High value of a good wife (v. 10) B: Husband benefited by wife (vv. 11–12) C: Wife works hard (vv. 13–19) D: Wife gives to poor (v. 20) E: No fear of snow (v. 21a) F: Children clothed in scarlet (v. 21b) G: Coverings for bed, wife wears linen (v. 22) H: Public respect for husband (v. 23) G´: Sells garments and sashes (v. 24) F´: Wife clothed in dignity (v. 25a) E´: No fear of future (v. 25b) D´: Wife speaks wisdom (v. 26) C´: Wife works hard (v. 27) B´: Husband and children praise wife (vv. 28–29) A:´ High value of a good wife (vv. 30–31) (Garrett, NAC, 248–49)

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center point of the chiasm—the focus of this description of the godly woman is here in verse 23, declaring her husband as highly regarded in the city gates. This woman is the kind of wife a man must have to be successful. For remember this instruction was written not to young women (about the kind of wife they should be), but to young men (about the kind of wife that they must find). Men, does your wife make you a better person? That’s the mark of a godly wife.

Be faithful

Again verse 24 returns to her diligence: “She makes linen garments and sells them; she delivers sashes to the merchant.” She makes an excess of fine clothing that she can sell for a profit. So she is confident in the future: “Strength and dignity are her clothing, and she laughs at the time to come” (v. 25). She’s not afraid of hard times, even scoffing at the challenge. For her godly character will bring her family through the most difficult of trials. To be clothed with strength and dignity speaks of godly character displayed by conduct (see 1 Tim 2:9-10; Col 3:8-14). This woman of faith takes shelter in the God she trusts. Now we cannot fully know this at the wedding, since most new brides are yet untested. That’s why wedding vows are a promise of future love, not a declaration of present feelings. No matter how we feel on the wedding day, we have no idea what will happen in the marriage. Wedding vows promise love “for better or for worse,” without yet realizing how bad the worse can get. Therefore, marriage is not simply about being “in love.” That luvin’ feeling may start the marriage off with a blast, but it will come and go.6 There may be times when we are overwhelmingly “in love” with our spouse and there may be times when we don’t even feel like we want to be married. Covenant marriage is a promise to love and cherish even when it’s hard. So men, a godly wife is

6 The Righteous Brothers, You’ve Lost that Lovin’ Feelin’ (1964).

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one who stays—who carries your family through the difficult times by her confidence in the Lord.7 Think about the worst hardship your family has ever had to face and consider the positive efforts your wife made to hold it all together. Remember her strength and dignity in the trial and be especially grateful if that trial was you.

Be wise and kind “She opens her mouth with wisdom, and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue” (Prov 31:26). She is a teacher in the home and blesses others with her insight.

She informs her instruction with the wisdom of Proverbs. Men, consider the influence of a godly wife. Other women she mentors will seek her wisdom. She will shape your children in their formative years. She will even counsel you from time to time. Listen to her wisdom (12:15). For a godly woman speaks not only truth, but also does so with great kindness. A godly woman does not tongue-tie circles around her husband, but speaks the truth in love (Eph 4:29). She is not quarrelsome as in Proverbs 19:13b, “A wife's quarreling is a continual dripping of rain”—a driving torrent of nagging rain (see 27:15-

16). The quarrelsome wife always find something wrong like the old joke: If a man speaks in the forest and there is no woman around to correct him is he still wrong? “It is better to live in a corner of the housetop than in a house shared with a quarrelsome wife” (21:9; see v. 19; 25:24). If you’re always fighting with your spouse, bedtime starts to get really uncomfortable. It’s hard to get warm when your spouse is frigid. So whenever you quarrel, keep short accounts (see Eph 4:26-27). Would you rather lose your spouse or lose the argument?

Proverbs 31:27 then sums up her purpose in work: “She looks well to the ways of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness.” A godly wife will manage her home well. All that she does is wise. She is not lazy, and if you doubt this, men, try

7 This does not give permission, however, for a man to abuse his wife and require that she remain. Submission is not a weapon to be wielded by the husband, but a grace bestowed by the wife.

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trading places for a day. Whenever I catch myself grumbling about things to do around the house, it always helps to remind myself the many blessings of my wife.

Be godly in character The excellent wife is also known by her godly character. She is praised by her family: “Her children rise up and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her: ‘Many women have done excellently, but you surpass them all’” (vv. 28-29). As far as her family is concerned, she is the greatest wife and mother in the world. Children, are you thankful for all that your mother does? It may not be Mother’s Day, but find a way this week to bless the one who gave you life. Men, do you praise your wife for the work she does so well (Rom 12:10)? Do you sing her hallelus?8 Like most husbands, you probably need to double or even triple your output of praise. You can also honor your wife by what you refrain from doing. Don’t put her down in public or make her the butt of your jokes. Don’t fight with her in front of the kids (even with your attitude). Encourage her constantly and love her without prompting—without expectation of return.

Treasure your wife as precious—more valuable than a promotion at work, a touchdown by your favorite team, or the perfectly-crafted golf swing. Do you spend dedicated time with her doing activities she likes to do? Do you truly believe that “he who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the LORD” (Prov 18:22). For according to 31:30, “Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.” She is more concerned with the gospel, than glamor—eternal riches, than earthly fame. Consider the game of Jenga which consists of a stack of wooden blocks. If you’ve played the game, you know there are certain blocks which can easily be removed. Yet there are other blocks which uphold the entire structure. Should you pull them out, the tower tumbles. So also, in life and in marriage

8 Hallelu is the Hebrew word used here for praise.

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“the fear of the LORD” is a foundational piece. This excellent wife is trustworthy and purposeful, diligent and compassionate, loving and beautiful, because she first of all “fears the LORD.” A godly woman obeys the Lord out of reverence for his Word and she worships him with everlasting joy. By contrast, a marriage built on superficial attraction may crash and burn as your wife gets old, for deceitful beauty will pass away and with it false hopes of happiness. Men, you must cherish your wife for more than just her charm and beauty. She can still be attractive as Proverbs 5 commands you to delight in her beauty: “Be intoxicated always in her love” (v. 19). But if you appreciate also your wife’s inward beauty, then she will always remain an excellent wife. The godly woman grows more and more beautiful with age. Therefore, Solomon exhorts, “Rejoice in the wife of your youth” (5:18b)—not because she will always be youthful, but because she will always be yours.

Be praised by God and others Therefore, the poem concludes: “Give her of the fruit of her hands, and let her works praise her in the gates” (31:31). The excellent woman receives honor not just from her family, but also publicly in the city gates (11:16a). For her husband goes about town bragging about his wife: “She’s amazing. She’s wonderful. She’s the best wife a man could have.” He sees and pronounces this beauty in her life until others do as well. Therefore, notice the reciprocal nature of their praise. Although they are not seeking self- adulation, each of them looks to praise the other. The husband exalts the virtues of his godly wife in public (v. 31) while she highlights his as well (v. 23). Picture the peace and the joy within this home in which both husband and wife seek the others’ interests first (Phil 2:4)?

The Proverbs 31 God Somewhere in this godly marriage is a picture of God’s grace. How does a godly man restrain the foolish pleasures of women, wine, and power? Only by God’s 298

grace. How does a godly woman develop trust and character and purpose in her daily work? Only by God’s grace. For the gospel is not about performance, but about God’s grace to overcome inadequacies. Proverbs 31 is not a checklist to improve our standing as a godly man or woman, but simply a reminder that everything we have and are begins afresh with the fear of the Lord. Success in marriage begins with God: Our purpose in life to reflect God’s image—male and female, to reflect God’s image (Gen 1:26-27). Yet at the fall, that mirror was shattered when sin and folly entered the world. Even at our best, we now distort God’s image and fall short of his glory (Rom 3:23). Yet God has included marriage in his sovereign plan for picking up the pieces. Every time you sin against your spouse and every time they push your buttons, God reveals another broken piece of glass—another remnant of the fall. Thankfully, he does not leave those slivers lying on the ground, but picks them up and puts them into place. He heals your brokenness and forgives your sin. He wonderfully restores that shattered mirror until you truly are a reflection of his glory. Fearing the Lord, you begin to love your spouse like Jesus does, “submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ. Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands” (Eph 5:21-24). Wife, are you a submissive helpmate to your husband? Are you seeking to do him good, not harm? “Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish” (vv. 25-27). Husband, do you sacrifice for your wife and daily die to self? Do you take initiative to lead her spiritually?

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In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, because we are members of his body. “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church (vv. 28-32).

The church is Christ’s excellent wife. So husband, do you love your wife as yourself? Wife, do you respect your husband? When Jesus transforms you into the husband or wife you were meant to be, you then become a true reflection of his glory—a mirror reflecting the image of Christ in the way you love your spouse. They will see

Jesus when they look at you and become more like Jesus themselves as they spend time with you. So in marriage and in life, let us be Jesus to others to bring others to Jesus. May they praise you in the city gates as you direct their praise to Christ!

Life Application Questions

1. Husbands, examine your character according to Proverbs: • Wise, not foolish (12:15, 26:11; 27:22)

• Peaceful, not quarrelsome (14:29; 16:32; 17:14, 27; 20:3)

• Protective, not abusive (29:11)

• Self-controlled, not adulterous or addictive (31:3-5)

• Compassionate and just toward others (31:6-9)

• Appreciative and trusting of your wife (31:11-12, 28-31)

• Intimately enjoying your wife (5:15-20)

• Fearing the Lord (1:7; 9:10; 15:33)

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2. Wives, examine your character according to Proverbs: • Gracious and godly (11:16a; 18:22)

• Prudent, not lacking discretion (11:22; 19:14b)

• A crown, not a cancer (12:4; 14:1; 31:10)

• Peaceful, not quarrelsome (19:13b; 21:9, 19; 25:24; 27:15-16)

• Purposeful in diligence (31:13-27)

• Devoted to your husband (31:11-12, 23)

• Intimately enjoying your husband (5:15-20)

• Fearing the Lord (31:30)

3. Wives, give one positive example from your life of each trait listed in Proverbs 31:10-31. Husbands, do the same in praise of your wife and get your kids involved (vv. 28-29).

Memory Verse

Proverbs 18:22 He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord.

Resources for further study: Harvey, Dave. When Sinners Say “I Do”: Discovering the Power of the Gospel for Marriage. Wapwallopen, PA: Shepherd Press, 2007. Tripp, Paul David. What Did You Expect?: Redeeming the Realities of Marriage. Wheaton: Crossway, 2015.

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THE GOSPEL BEGINNING IN PROVERBS

The good news of salvation can be summarized in four words: God, Man, Christ, Response. God is holy and Creator of all (Isa 6:3; Rev 4:11). Man is sinful and deserving of God’s judgment (Rom 6:23a). God sent his Son, Jesus Christ, to be the Savior for sinners by dying in their place (Rom 5:8; 1 Pet 1:3). So how will you respond to this good news (John 3:36)? The Old Testament foreshadows the good news which Jesus Christ once demonstrated to his disciples: “And beginning with Moses and all the Prophets, he interpreted to them in all the Scriptures the things concerning himself” (Luke 24:27). The Old Testament writers dimly understood God’s plan of salvation which would be more fully revealed with the coming of Christ (Heb 1:1-2). Still we find in Proverbs shadows of the gospel describing the nature of God and man, the redemption of the coming Messiah, and the response to these truths that every person must make. We rarely consider the gospel as active in the Old Testament before the coming of Christ, yet these basic truths are embedded in the Proverbs: God is the omniscient (15:3), sovereign (16:9), holy (17:15) Creator of all (3:19; 22:2). Man is sinful (20:9) and foolish (22:15), blinded by iniquity (12:15a) and unable to save himself by works (21:3, 27). He is deserving of punishment (19:29), yet spared by God’s mercy (28:13). The preparation for Christ can also be found in the wisdom of Proverbs. For wisdom begins and ends in

Christ who was present at creation and will be worshipped forever. Christ was the only all-wise person to walk this earth (Luke 2:40-47) and the One greater than Solomon (Matt 12:42). He spoke words of wisdom with divine authority (Matt 7:24-29) and became to us the Wisdom from God for the sake of righteousness, sanctification, and redemption (1 Cor 1:22-24, 30; see Col 2:3).

God The gospel begins with the attributes of God and his marvelous works. He is

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first of all worshipped as the all-wise Creator of the universe: “The LORD by wisdom founded the earth; by understanding he established the heavens” (3:19). So also, “the rich and the poor meet together; the LORD is the maker of them all” (22:2).1 Second, God is omniscient and omnipresent. He knows all things because he can see every place at once: “The eyes of the LORD are in every place, keeping watch on the evil and the good” (15:3). Since God sees all and is perfectly just, he will reward the good and judge the wicked. No man can fool the Lord.

God also sovereignly controls the daily events of life: “The heart of man plans his way, but the LORD establishes his steps” (16:9). The heart of man governs his thoughts, emotions, and behavior (4:23), yet man always makes his decisions within God’s sovereign will. Not even the tiniest circumstance falls outside the realm of God’s command (16:33). Therefore, God is worthy of worship because he is the sovereign creator: “Worthy are you, our Lord and God, to receive glory and honor and power, for you created all things, and by your will they existed and were created” (Rev 4:11). In his sovereignty, God desires that man become holy like he is holy (Lev 19:2), declaring that “he who justifies the wicked and he who condemns the righteous are both alike an abomination to the LORD” (Prov 17:15). God displays his holy character by hating the unholy and unjust. He judges mankind by his holy standard and knows by his watchful eye when we fall short (Rom 3:23).

Thankfully though, God is also gracious and merciful: “Whoever conceals his transgressions will not prosper, but he who confesses and forsakes them will obtain mercy” (Prov 28:13). This antithetical parallelism declares a choice between two paths.

God promises judgment on the one who tries to hide his sin (1 John 1:6, 8, 10), yet promises mercy for the one who confesses sin and turns away from it (vv. 5, 7, 9). When

1 Both these verses contain a figure of speech called merism in which two extremes are stated to include everything in between. God created both heavens and earth (3:19), therefore he created the entire universe. He created both rich and poor (22:2), therefore he created all mankind.

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sharing the gospel, we must present this choice as well: Will you conceal your sin and perish or confess your sin and accept God’s merciful forgiveness?

Man The second truth of the gospel addresses the nature of man and his relationship to God. In contrast to a holy God, man is sinful: “Who can say, ‘I have made my heart pure; I am clean from my sin’?” (Prov 20:9). The answer, of course, is no one. “As it is written: ‘None is righteous, no, not one; no one understands; no one seeks for God. All have turned aside; together they have become worthless; no one does good, not even one’” (Rom 3:10-12; see Ps 14:1-3). Not only that, but man is also foolish: “Folly is bound up in the heart of a child, but the rod of discipline drives it far from him” (Prov 22:15). Man is foolish at heart from birth (see Ps 51:5). Therefore, one need not teach folly to a child, but must teach them rather to avoid folly through godly instruction and discipline. Even worse, however, man is spiritually blinded to his sin and folly (see Job 5:14) and cannot even see it: “The way of a fool is right in his own eyes” (Prov 12:15a).

In blindness, many do not readily respond to the good news proclaimed. Although Christ offers abundant life (John 10:10b) and life everlasting (3:16), they refuse to step into the light of truth: “Fools despise wisdom and instruction” (Prov 1:7b). Man is not only blinded to his sin and folly, but he also cannot save himself by good works. For example, he may try to earn salvation by giving to charity, adhering to religious tenets, living a respectable life, or exhibiting honorable behavior. However, “to do righteousness and justice is more acceptable to the LORD than sacrifice. . . The sacrifice of the wicked is an abomination; how much more when he brings it with evil intent” (21:3, 27). God loves an obedient heart more than external behavior and righteousness more than empty sacrifice (e.g., 1 Sam 15:22). Paul reiterates this truth in Ephesians 2:8-9, “For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast.”

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The gospel reminds us that sinful man deserves punishment, “for the wages of sin is death” (Rom 6:23a). The gospel declares this bad news for the wicked: “Condemnation is ready for scoffers, and beating for the backs of fools” (Prov 19:29; see Heb 9:27). Yet thankfully, Christ took the penalty for sin upon himself. As Isaiah prophesied of the Messiah: “He was wounded for our transgressions; he was crushed for our iniquities; upon him was the chastisement that brought us peace, and with his stripes we are healed” (Isa 53:5). So man was a foolish sinner, blinded and unable to save himself by works. He was deserving of punishment until Christ came to die on his behalf.

Christ The good news centers on the person and work of Jesus Christ. Who is Christ and what has he done to bring man to God? Isaiah 11:1-2 prophesies of the Messiah who will embody the wisdom of God: “There shall come forth a shoot from the stump of Jesse, and a branch from his roots shall bear fruit. And the Spirit of the LORD shall rest upon him, the Spirit of wisdom and understanding, the Spirit of counsel and might, the

Spirit of knowledge and the fear of the LORD.” Jesus was empowered by the Holy Spirit to perfectly know and fear the Lord (Prov 1:7a). The New Testament later claims that “in [Christ] are hidden all the treasures of wisdom and knowledge” (Col 2:3), so we must seek wisdom in Christ like we search for buried treasure (Prov 2:1-4). Paul also declares, “And because of [God] you are in Christ Jesus, who became to us wisdom from God, righteousness and sanctification and redemption, so that, as it is written, ‘Let the one who boasts, boast in the Lord’” (1 Cor 1:30-31). God demonstrates no greater wisdom than in the salvation of his saints. Yet how could he declare sinful man to be righteous and sanctify those who were blindly groping in the darkness? How could he redeem those who were once enslaved to folly? Only by his perfect wisdom could he satisfy his holy wrath while also rescuing death-deserving sinners. Only at the cross did mercy and judgment flow mingled down.

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The cross reminds believers that only sinners can be made into saints, for we must recognize our sin in order to know our need of salvation. According to Proverbs 14:9, “Fools mock at the guilt offering, but the upright enjoy acceptance.” “Fools despise wisdom and instruction” (1:7b) because we are blinded to our own sin and folly. We do not see our need for a Savior because we do not see our own sin. And we do not see our own sin unless we see the God who is holy. Paul affirms: “For the word of the cross is folly to those who are perishing, but to us who are being saved it is the power of God” (1

Cor 1:18). Those who deny sin are flabbergasted that any man would die an excruciating death for others. Thus only those who have received the blessing of salvation can proclaim the power of the gospel (Rom 1:16). Believers rejoice in a loving God who forgives our sin: “By steadfast love and faithfulness iniquity is atoned for, and by the fear of the LORD one turns away from evil” (Prov 16:6). Only those who turn to God can be forgiven and only those who admit their sin can be made righteous (14:9). The steadfast love and faithfulness of God (Exod 34:6-7) forms the basis of our atonement and the reason we fear the Lord. “For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life” (John 3:16). God sacrificed his beloved Son that we might have eternal life. This is great love that a man “lay down his life for his friends” (15:13). In Christ, we learn that righteousness is better than riches because it leads us to eternal life: “Riches do not profit in the day of wrath, but righteousness delivers from death” (Prov 11:4). So when sharing the gospel, we might ask our friend: “If you should die today and stand before the Lord, what would you say if he asked why he should let you into heaven?” The saving answer is neither riches, nor religion, nor even good works, but only the righteousness of Christ imputed to us. For when God looks upon his children, he does not see our sin but rather the sinless life of his perfect Son: “For our sake he made him to be sin who knew no sin, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God” (2 Cor 5:21). God placed the sin of all mankind upon his sinless 306

Son, imputing all his righteousness to us. He looked at Jesus on the cross and saw the payment for our sin, then he looked on us and saw the righteous life that Jesus lived. This is the great exchange (Rom 5:12-21). We are amazed by 1 Peter 3:18: “For Christ also suffered once for sins, the righteous for the unrighteous, that he might bring us to God, being put to death in the flesh but made alive in the spirit.” Christ’s death made reconciliation between us and God. He brought us once more into relationship with the Father. But that’s not all! He then rose again from the dead after three days in the tomb, declaring victory over sin and death. As Peter exults in praise, “Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! According to his great mercy, he has caused us to be born again to a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead” (1 Pet 1:3). Our living hope is based on the resurrection victory of Christ. Our new regenerated life is based on his resurrection to life. How can we do anything but praise his name!

Response One final question concludes the gospel message: How will you respond to the truth you have heard? A loving Father has sent his Son to be your Savior. Will you choose to remain in sin or to follow him as Lord? An obedient response requires much humility, for the prideful person will not enter the kingdom of God. As Solomon exhorts, “Be not wise in your own eyes; fear the LORD, and turn away from evil” (Prov 3:7). Do not think you can earn your salvation or circumvent the gospel. The only way to God is reverent obedience that leads to repentance.

Secondly, we must respond with vigilance. According to Proverbs 4:23, “Keep your heart with all vigilance, for from it flow the springs of life.” Everything we think, say, and do in life arises from the heart. We must therefore guard our hearts. For the gospel not only brings us to salvation, but also keeps us walking in the faith. This gospel- centered life is the epitome of worship (1:7a) and will result in life everlasting (14:27).

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The gospel presents a choice to everyone who hears: “The path of the righteous is like the light of dawn, which shines brighter and brighter until full day. The way of the wicked is like deep darkness; they do not know over what they stumble” (4:18-19). Likewise, Jesus would declare in John 3:36: “Whoever believes in the Son has eternal life; whoever does not obey the Son shall not see life, but the wrath of God remains on him.” Therefore, “if you confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved” (Rom 10:9; see v. 13). How will you respond to the gospel today?

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THE ATTRIBUTES OF GOD

The Knowledge of the Holy In our study of the book of Proverbs, we have described chapters 1-9 as the building of a house and chapters 10-31 as the spreading of a banquet in that house. Lady Wisdom, with her own strong hands, has hewn a mansion with seven magnificent pillars (9:1).

She has slaughtered her beasts; she has mixed her wine; she has also set her table. She has sent out her young women to call from the highest places in the town, “Whoever is simple, let him turn in here!” To him who lacks sense she says, “Come, eat of my bread and drink of the wine I have mixed. Leave your simple ways, and live, and walk in the way of insight” (vv. 2-6).

So every Proverb we discover is another course in her sumptuous meal. Every bite of insight warms our bellies and sweetens the tongue. Wisdom calls out for us to enjoy a banquet in her house—a home-cooked meal for wayward souls. Yet what we may not see is the foundation of that house—always important, but rarely observed. The foundation of Wisdom’s house is stated at every key juncture— in the beginning, the middle, and the end of Proverbs. In the prologue, “The fear of the LORD is the beginning of knowledge; fools despise wisdom and instruction” (1:7). At the midpoint, “The fear of the LORD is the beginning of wisdom, and the knowledge of the Holy One is insight” (9:10). And in the final chapter, “Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised” (31:30). So the foundation of Proverbs and the foundation of life is to fear the Lord who made us. And this fear of the Lord may be defined in two complementary ways: reverent obedience and worshipful joy. It is knowing God so well that we revere him to the point of obedience and it is knowing him so well that we also worship him with joy. For example, the child who knows her father’s character, and moral standards, and loving discipline (3:11-12) will fear her father by following his instruction. Yet this very child will also run with joy into her father’s arms because she knows her father’s kindness and desire for her good. So

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also, our loving heavenly Father receives both our obedience and our joy when we come to know him as we should. As A. W. Tozer rightly stated: “What comes into our minds when we think about God is the most important thing about us.”1 It will change the way we live our lives and see the world and interact with others. And isn’t that the definition of wisdom? Wisdom is not how much we know, but how well we interact with God and others. The book of Proverbs addresses many of life’s challenges to show God’s Word sufficient in all matters pertaining to life and godliness. We can explore pride and humility, grief and loss, biblical friendship, marriage and parenting, anger, anxiety, truth and deception, godly speech, gossip and slander, wealth, addictions, laziness, and God’s will. Proverbs also has much to say about peace and conflict, envy and contentment, self- control, forgiveness, long life, health and aging, worship and sacrifice, leadership, consequences, time management, and grace for any form of sin and suffering in this fallen world. Yet the study of Proverbs ultimately climaxes in God himself as we reflect on certain aspects of his divine character which he declares as true. We discover many of these attributes in the wisdom of Proverbs and follow them throughout Scripture. We then take this knowledge of God’s attributes and show how knowing the God who exudes them will radically change the way we live our lives. Spurgeon called this study of God “a subject so vast, that all our thoughts are lost in its immensity; so deep, that our pride is drowned in its infinity.”2 We can reach to all eternity and still never fully plumb its depths. The banquet of Proverbs presents a feast for the soul, yet we must not forget our gracious host. We must not spend our days consumed by the gifts without acknowledging the Giver. For the Proverbs reveal to us the magnificent God who we

1 A.W. Tozer, The Knowledge of the Holy (New York: HarperCollins, 1961), 1. 2 Charles Spurgeon, “The Immutability of God,” a sermon on Malachi 3:6 (1855).

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trust and obey with intimate love. We therefore study the Word of God to better know the God of the Word who welcomes us into personal relationship with him. We read each Proverb as we read the rest of Scripture: How does God reveal himself to me in this portion of his Word? How does this Proverb teach me to better fear the Lord and how does knowing him radically change my life?

God’s Holiness We begin our study with God’s most essential attribute—his holiness.

Reflected in [Old Testament] wisdom is the teaching of a personal God who is holy and just and who expects those who know him to exhibit his character in the many practical affairs of life.”3 In Proverbs 9:10 he is called “the Holy One” (see 30:3) as the word “holy” means “to be set apart, to be wholly other.” For every aspect of God’s character is immeasurably perfect: He is perfectly loving, infinitely wise, and sovereign in power.

In his omnipresence

He is omnipresent, possessing all of his attributes and all of his abilities in all places at all times. This means that God will never abandon us, for he is always present in every place we find ourselves (Ps 139:5-12). We will never find him unavailable.

In his eternality God is also eternal and unchanging—the same yesterday, today, and forever

(Heb 13:8). He neither gets old nor worries about the future. He does not change along with cultural trends and fads, but our rock of refuge in a sea of shifting shadows.

In his beauty God is also glorious in his beauty. Everything he is and does directs our hearts

3 Louis Goldberg, “647 hakam,” in Theological Wordbook of the Old Testament, ed. R. Laird Harris, Gleason L. Archer Jr., and Bruce K. Waltke, electronic ed. (Chicago: Moody Press, 1999), 283.

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to worship him. He is the inspiration of our joy and the wonder of our love. How would it change our outlook to see each circumstance and person in our life and every material possession as simply a reflection of God’s superlative beauty? We are living in the Shadowlands where everything of delight on earth is but a shadow of the truer, better reality in the heavens.4 God is ultimately happy in his blessedness, for within the holy Trinity he has everything he needs. He did not make mankind out of feelings of loneliness or his need of affirmation. Instead he created us so that we might enter into joy with him. So ask yourself: “Am I fully satisfied in God or am I seeking sin because my heart is not fulfilled in him?”

In his moral perfection Morally, in his perfection, the Lord is without sin as the holy standard of the law itself. Thus Proverbs 6 declares that God hates sin:

There are six things that the LORD hates, seven that are an abomination to him: haughty eyes, a lying tongue, and hands that shed innocent blood, a heart that devises wicked plans, feet that make haste to run to evil, a false witness who breathes out lies, and one who sows discord among brothers (vv. 16-19).

God hates sin, yet startlingly in those last two abominations God appears to hate the sinner as well: “a false witness . . . and one who sows discord.” We may often use the trite phrase: Love the sinner; hate the sin. And yes, God loves the sinner, but at some level sin is so ingrained in us as sinners that God finds us an abomination to his holiness. We can follow this thread throughout the Proverbs that God hates the sinner and not merely the sin: “Those of crooked heart are an abomination to the LORD” (11:20a).

“The thoughts of the wicked are an abomination to the LORD” (15:26a). God hates the “arrogant in heart” (16:5; see 8:13), the devious person with lying lips (3:32a; 12:22a), the one who cheats and steals (11:1; 20:10, 23), and “he who justifies the wicked [yet] condemns the righteous” (17:15). The Lord is angry with adulterers (22:14) and against

4 Adapted from C. S. Lewis, The Last Battle (Collier, 1956), 171.

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hypocrites who worship falsely (21:27; see 15:8; 28:9). Yet why does God hate both sin and sinner? Again from Tozer, because “the essence of idolatry is the entertainment of thoughts about God that are unworthy of Him.”5 Pursuing sin is an act of idolatrous rebellion—the worship of someone or something other than the holy God. We are declaring ourselves enemies of God, for sin offers allegiance to his rivals (Jas 4:4). Yet that is not how our relationship was meant to be. All throughout Scripture, we are called to be holy as God is holy (Lev 19:2; 1 Pet 1:16). Man was created to be an image-bearer of Creator God (Gen 1:26-27). So also, the Proverbs call us to holiness as image-bearers of the Holy One. God’s people understand his righteousness (Prov 2:9) as we meditate on his Word in order to obey. Our thoughts about God then transform the way we act, speak, and love. We act in righteousness (1:3) since true faith always leads to works (Jas 2:14-26). We speak in righteous words which can be trusted (Prov 10:11a; 12:6b, 17a; 15:28a; 16:13) and pursue righteous desires as the passion of our hearts (15:9). “Whoever walks in uprightness fears the LORD” (14:2a; see 2:20-21; 11:20;

12:2), since what we think about God transforms the way we live. So also, we possess a heart of worship: “The sacrifice of the wicked is an abomination to the LORD, but the prayer of the upright is acceptable to him. The way of the wicked is an abomination to the LORD, but [the LORD] loves him who pursues righteousness” (15:8-9; see v. 29; 21:3, 12). What we think about God transforms our worship, exposing any idols we carry with us into his holy presence. So how does this truth apply to our everyday life? It calls us to worship God above all else, for every person comes before the Lord with idols that creep into our hearts. The mother enamored by her children can worship them as idols. Her emotions rise and fall on their success. So she gets angry or despairing whenever they rebel. She harbors pride in their accomplishments and pushes them for more. She will defend her

5 Tozer, Knowledge of the Holy, 5.

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idols at any cost—including sin. Does the clutching mother worship her children more than God? The businessman piles up money to purchase the good life for his family. Why does he work those extra hours and find such delight in the accolades of men? Why does he dread the loss of his job—his passions riding on the waves of the economy? He is willing to cheat to get ahead. Does he worship his career instead of God? The teenage girl makes the beauty of her body into an idol that she worships. She spends gobs of time picking out clothes and fixing her hair and comparing herself to fashion magazines. A classmate’s critical comment about her appearance can send her reeling for weeks at a time. Then secretly she begins to purge as she worships a body sculpted in the image of thinness.6 She is willing to sin to get what she wants. The Scriptures call us back to the holiness of God. For the frazzled mother, the driven businessman, and the narcissistic teen all need the same truth. They are called to holiness as God is holy, yet they cannot simply change behavior. They must change the One they worship, for they are not worshipping the holy God who is set apart above all others. They need new hearts to worship God—new thoughts, emotions, and desires which spring up in a life of newfound holiness. We cannot worship rightly unless we have set apart the holy God as our first love. For God hates our idolatrous worship and calls us his enemies (Rom 8:7) not simply if we worship what the world calls wicked, but even if we worship good desires in place of God. For he wants more than the words on our lips and our presence in church. He wants our hearts completely devoted to him.

God’s Love

In his personal relationship

6 In the U.S., an estimated 20 million women and 10 million men suffer from an eating disorder at some time in their lives (https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/get-facts-eating-disorders). That’s 10% of the population, yet the church rarely talks about these matters. We won’t find bulimia or anorexia in a Bible concordance and the Proverbs only briefly mention gluttony, so we may be tempted to think that Scripture says nothing on the matter.

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God knows we cannot change our hearts by human effort, so he must change us by his love. God’s love is personal. He did not simply create the world and leave us be, for all creation shouts his name (Ps 19:1-6). Then in God’s Word, he specifically reveals himself to us. As Lady Wisdom calls out: “I love those who love me, and those who seek me diligently find me” (Prov 8:17). God personally spoke with young king Solomon to offer him the gift of wisdom (1 Kgs 3:3-15). And God designed the wisdom of his Word to be passed down in personal relationship from parents to their children

(Prov 1:8-9).

In his goodness Therefore, “whoever gives thought to the word will discover good, and blessed is he who trusts in the LORD” (16:20; see 13:13).7 God loves us by revealing himself to us in his Word. Based on the parallelism in this proverb, giving thought to the Word is trusting in the Lord and trusting in the Lord is giving thought to his Word.8 Faith and doctrine cannot be torn asunder. We must not say, “I believe in God,” but never read his

Word and we must not read his Word without being strengthened in our faith. For God’s love reminds us that we are known by the One who made us: “The poor man and the oppressor meet together; the LORD gives light to the eyes of both” (29:13). God knows our joys and also knows our pain. He sympathizes with the struggles we face in a fallen world, for he is active and personally involved.

In his patience and peace God’s love is also patient as he disciplines us: “My son, do not despise the

LORD's discipline or be weary of his reproof, for the LORD reproves him whom he

7 Since “the word” in Line A of 13:13 parallels “the commandment” in Line B, Solomon plainly means the Word of God both in that proverb and in 16:20. 8 The chiastic emphasis focuses on the blessedness of the one who discovers good. God himself cannot be any more good than he always is for he is perfect and being perfect he cannot at any time be less good than he always is.

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loves, as a father the son in whom he delights” (3:11-12). According to 27:8, “Like a bird that strays from its nest is a man who strays from his home.” God’s Word, like a nest, is a place of nourishment and growth. Within God’s Word we find intimacy, care, and loving protection. It has boundaries which limit us for our good, so when we stray away from home our Father brings us back with loving discipline. He uses circumstances and people in our lives to return our gaze upon his love. Yet patiently, God also allows us time to repent and change. He does not settle for false repentance, but waits until our pride has brought us low (16:18). For God is not rushed into panic by insecurity or any threat to his character. He is God and his love is infinitely patient.

In his gracious gifts God’s love is also gracious, for he gives good gifts to the one who keeps his commandments (3:1): “Length of days and years of life and peace they will add to you” (v. 2). The one who cherishes the Word of God (v. 3) “will find favor and good success in the sight of God and man” (v. 4).9 God will lead the faithful in righteous paths (vv. 5-

6), bring physical refreshment (vv. 7-8), and material gain (vv. 9-10). Included in his blessings, “a prudent wife is from the LORD” (19:14b).

In his salvation Thus every good and perfect gift comes down from our Father in heaven (Jas

1:17), yet the greatest gift of all is salvation from the Lord: “By steadfast love and faithfulness iniquity is atoned for, and by the fear of the LORD one turns away from evil” (16:6).10 God atones for past iniquity and pardons every sin. He then gives strength to turn away from future sin and empowerment to obey. For the fear of the Lord produces

9 That word “favor” is the Hebrew word for “grace.”

10 “Steadfast love and faithfulness” elsewhere refer to God’s character (e.g., Exod 34:6-7), but in the Proverbs always refer to godly human character (e.g., 3:3; 14:22; 16:6; 19:22; 20:6, 28). This is not a denial that salvation is by grace alone, but a declaration that true salvation will be accompanied by good fruits befitting genuine repentance.

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steadfast love and faithfulness in the hearts of those forgiven. So also, “whoever conceals his transgressions will not prosper, but he who confesses and forsakes them will obtain mercy” (28:13; see v. 14; Ps 32; 1 John 1:6-9). The penitent person gives public praise to God by declaring a desperate need for mercy and forgiveness. We must not hide our sin or try to outwit God. For he knows our hearts and will only grant forgiveness if we confess and forsake our sin—a dual commitment to walk in the way of his holiness. God then overcomes our weakness by his all-sufficient grace and he does all this without resentment. He never gives grudgingly of his grace or shames us for seeking his forgiveness. God’s love has overcome our sin. So that teenage girl must ask herself: “Does the loving God love me? Has he really structured every aspect of my life that I might personally know him?” By God’s grace, she starts to listen to the wisdom of her parents and the wisdom from God’s Word. She begins to see herself as an image-bearer whose sole delight is to reflect God’s glory (Rom 11:36). She learns that “charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised” (Prov 31:30). She discovers a God who has known her intimately since the moment he formed her in her mother’s womb (Ps 139:13-16). Her Maker and Creator delights in her and is ravished by the beauty of his bride. So by the fear of the Lord she can turn away from evil as the gracious God atones for all her sin and fills her heart with steadfast love and faithfulness. Therefore, she comes before the Lord confessing her worship of self in place of God:

O Lord, instead of bearing an image of your glory I have worshiped the image of my body. I failed to believe you were truly good, wishing you had made me thinner or taller or more beautiful like my friends. I was ungrateful for the way you fashioned me by your loving hand, so I sold myself to vanity and pampered myself with beauty. I’m even starving myself to death. I feel guilty every time I purge, but I can’t stop it on my own. I need your grace to forsake my sin—to seek your favor instead of seeking the approval of others.

God is patient in his love for her—his blessed daughter. He knows she cannot change herself and knows that change is slow. So he agonizes with her as she fights

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against temptation and despair. He trains her to find her identity in him, instead of in herself. He rejoices with every calorie she intakes and every pound she gains. He is present as her body convulses as she fights every urge to purge. And as God leads her into life abundant, he begins to change her heart. She now admits to be physically and emotionally flawed, but by the death of Jesus perfectly loved. His love covers all her imperfections. She is convicted by her jealousy of others and her friendships based solely on performance. She sees her struggles to reflect God’s patience with her parents and her little brother. But by God’s grace, she starts to open up and be vulnerable with her peers. She invests in them with a life of service despite fearing their rejection. She seeks to personally minister the gospel every day with her attitude and her words. For the loving God has shown his love for her as he transforms her heart of worship. Reflect upon the love of God: Do you struggle to believe that God intimately loves you and is personally active for your good? Take a moment to write down your greatest trial or temptation to sin. Do you know the love of God even in that suffering?

Do you know the grace of his loving discipline and can you recognize his patience? Do you believe his promises of blessings for obedience? Do you know his comforting presence in every hardship? Do you know him as the Savior who forgives all sin and gives you power to obey? Take time to reflect on the attributes of God which he reveals in his Word. And as you study them, ask yourself: “How does believing in each attribute of God change the way I think about him, the way I think about my struggle, and the way I think about serving others?” For what we think about God is the most important thing about us.

God’s Wisdom

In his creation Consider now God’s wisdom which he first demonstrated by his ordering of creation: “The LORD by wisdom founded the earth; by understanding he established the 318

heavens; by his knowledge the deeps broke open, and the clouds drop down the dew” (Prov 3:19-20; see 8:22-31; 20:12). God operates in this world without confusion or disorder. Despite all the moving parts, he remains completely in control. God does not worry or rush about in panic or regret his past decisions. He is perfectly at rest in the enjoyment of creation.

In his comfort and peace He is a God of order and of peace even in the midst of suffering: “The LORD has made everything for its purpose, even the wicked for the day of trouble” (16:4). God has ordained a future judgment for the wicked, yet still they have a purpose in his sovereign plan. Sometimes we look at the trials in our lives or at those who have sinned against us and we cry, “Why, O God, would you allow this to happen?” We forget to trust that, in God’s wisdom, he works all things together for our good (Rom 8:28). Even the crucifixion of his beloved Son—the most wicked act of sinful man he planned for good (Acts 4:24-28). He planned it out to display his glory and purchase our salvation.

In his truth Then in his wisdom, God is truth, for he alone declares what is and what is not. We learn God’s truth with the attitude of humility: “The fear of the LORD is instruction in wisdom, and humility comes before honor” (Prov 15:33). We must worship the Lord before receiving his wisdom and humble ourselves before receiving his honor. “For the LORD gives wisdom; from his mouth come knowledge and understanding; he stores up sound wisdom for the upright; he is a shield to those who walk in integrity” (2:6-7). God bestows his wisdom on the upright and protects the one who walks in integrity. So the first step in receiving God’s wisdom is trusting in Jesus and becoming God’s child. We must first know the Lord before we begin to trust in his truth. The child who obeys and delights in her father does so as her father’s child. Relationship then leads to wisdom as we “trust in the LORD with all [our] heart, and do not lean on [our] own understanding. 319

In all [our] ways [we] acknowledge him, and he will make straight [our] paths” (3:5-6). We trust in God for salvation, then we trust in him to make us wise. We trust the Lord to order our steps and to keep us walking in the truth. Soon we trust not simply as his child, but because he’s proven trustworthy time and time again.

In his omniscience He never fails, for in God’s wisdom, he is omniscient. Without any effort at all, he knows every event in life whether actual or potential. Amazingly, he has never had to learn a thing, for if God ever learned a single thing it would reveal his knowledge at some point was imperfect. He is the divine chess master who instantly knows all the permutations for the trillions of factors at any moment of time occurring in the universe. We can never catch him by surprise. And he knows each of us with perfect intimacy. According to 21:2, “Every way of a man is right in his own eyes, but the LORD weighs the heart” (see 16:2; 17:3; 20:27). God knows the motives for our actions better than us: “If you say, ‘Behold, we did not know this,’ does not he who weighs the heart perceive it? Does not he who keeps watch over your soul know it, and will he not repay man according to his work?” (24:12). God knows the hearts of so-called religious people who ignore those wounded by life’s troubles (Luke 10:31-32) and he commends the Good Samaritan who stops to help though no one else may see his act of kindness (vv. 33-37). God, in his wisdom, will repay each man according to his work. “No wisdom, no understanding, no counsel can avail against the LORD” (Prov 21:30). We can’t outsmart the Lord or hide from his omniscience, for he knows our every action and the motives of our heart. Therefore, God’s omniscience will either strike us with great terror or bring tremendous comfort. We may be horrified that God can see our every sinful action down to the motives of the heart (Heb 4:13; Num 32:23). Yet if we are righteous or being unjustly accused, God’s wise omniscience is a source of comforting hope (Ps 139:1-4).

In his justice 320

For in his wisdom, God is also just: “The eyes of the LORD are in every place, keeping watch on the evil and the good” (Prov 15:3; see v. 11; 5:21). God knows if we’ve been bad or good. He watches out as if from an elevated tower on the city walls. He sees everything below and will grant our just rewards. Human leaders often fail: “Many seek the face of a ruler, but it is from the LORD that a man gets justice” (29:26; see 23:10-11). For human courts are only just insofar as they do the work of God. So we must not despair when human authorities get justice wrong. Instead we trust that God will render all things right as he demonstrates in the gospel. Although we stood as defendants guilty before a holy Judge, that Judge himself has taken our place. The Judge came off the bench and took our sentence on himself. “He who justifies the wicked and he who condemns the righteous are both alike an abomination to the LORD” (17:15), yet in the gospel, the wicked were justified and the Righteous One condemned (Rom 4:5). In the gospel, the Righteous One was made ransom for the wicked (cp. Prov 21:18; see Isa 53:4, 12), “for Christ also suffered once for sins, the righteous for the unrighteous, that he might bring us to God” (1 Pet 3:18a; see 2:24; 2 Cor 5:21). This is the gospel—the good news that we are guilty, yet not condemned. God’s justice provides grace for sin, for he will judge every sin either at the cross or in the depths of hell. By God’s grace, we are convicted to feel the horrifying prospect of eternal judgment in the depths of hell. Yet by God’s grace, he forgave our sin by pouring on his Son the dreadful wrath that we deserved. Because of Christ, we stand forgiven at the cross.

In his grace

God’s justice provides grace for sin and also comforts us in suffering. For every wrong he will eventually make right. When sinned against, we know that God will either graciously forgive or else display his wrath on the day of judgment. Therefore, “do not say, ‘I will repay evil’; wait for the LORD, and he will deliver you” (Prov 20:22). We are not the judge and jury of our enemies, but leave both vengeance and forgiving grace

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to God alone (Rom 12:14-21). Because of Christ, we stand forgiving at the cross. So how does this work in everyday life? Recall that businessman driven to further his career. By God’s grace, he finds a Bible in the room of his hotel and starts to read. He is reminded of the close relationship he once experienced with the Lord. He discovers wisdom in God’s Word and authority in God’s truth. He is convicted of not trusting God to give order to his life or resting in the peace which only God provides. With sorrow, he realizes that his lust for money has taken over his schedule and his budget, his family life and lack of rest and service to the Lord. Alone he starts to weep now broken by his sin:

O God, what have I done? You know all things. You have never taken your eyes off me, yet I have abandoned my first love. I have sold my soul for the trappings of success. I’ve been drifting in and out of church with my Bible dusty on the shelf. I have not served you by a life of worship. So I confess the lies I’ve told at work and home. I’ve been struggling to keep them straight. I confess my anger and irritation at my wife and kids. Preoccupied with work, I’ve not loved them as I should. I confess using flattery in public and slander in private to climb over coworkers on the company ladder. In my pride, I got upset when others were promoted in place of me. I fumed for not receiving the highest company bonus. O Lord, would you forgive me. Cover over my iniquities with the cleansing sacrifice of Jesus Christ.

And as God leads this man into life abundant, God begins to change his heart. He pours himself into serving his wife and children. He makes peace with his boss and with his coworkers. He begins to budget his time and money according to principles from God’s Word. He starts to read his Bible again and fellowship with the church. He even joins a men’s group and starts discipling other men. He is living his life as a man transformed by the wisdom and the grace of God. So what about you? Your struggle against both sin and suffering takes place not in circumstances, but in the arena of your heart. It is a battle over whom you will worship, for with each decision you are moving either closer or further away from God. What you think about God is the most important thing about you. We all have circumstances which are the stuff of life. The question is how we respond to them. So ask yourself: “How well do I rest in the wisdom of God? Do I trust in God and in his Word?

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Do I believe that he knows better than me the circumstances that I need?” God uses every temptation to sin and every life-stopping trial to reveal the one we worship in our heart. He wants to change our heart to worship him. And what we think about God will determine whom we worship.

God’s Power

In his self-sufficiency

So we have seen God’s holiness, his love, and his wisdom. Several other attributes reveal his power. First, God is self-sufficient. He does whatever he wants whenever he wants un-coerced by his creation. According to Proverbs 22:2, “The rich and the poor meet together; the LORD is the maker of them all” (see 29:13; 30:4). As the Creator he is Ruler over rich and poor alike. He is debtor to no one—King of kings and Lord of lords. So when the Lord takes action it is out of his unwavering desire to achieve his own good purposes (Eph 1:11). No one can blackmail or intimidate or guilt him to act outside his own good pleasure (Isa 40:13-14). Being independent from us he becomes dependable for us. Therefore, we can trust that God’s actions stay consistent with his character.

In his omnipotence Likewise, God is omnipotent—all-powerful. He is completely capable of completing every effort of his sovereign will. He never fails. He never grows weary or faints with exhaustion. The Lord grants victory over the most shameful of sins and redeems even the most difficult suffering. So when we face the challenges of life we want the omnipotent God to be on our side, for “the name of the LORD is a strong tower; the righteous man runs into it and is safe” (18:10; see 10:29; 29:25; 30:5; Ps 61:3). We have nothing to fear when we trust in the name of the Lord, for his name represents his holy character. God, encompassed by all his attributes, will powerfully move to protect his

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people. In ancient times, people did not live in towers, but fled to them for safety when enemies attacked. So ask yourself: “When I am in trouble and enemies attack—when bombarded by life’s trials and temptations and the torment of others, where do I run? Do I try to stand and fight in my own human strength? Do I freeze in panic or do I seek refuge in the Lord?” The righteous man instinctively runs to the safety of the Lord.

In his security So also, “the fear of the LORD is a fountain of life, that one may turn away from the snares of death” (14:27; see v. 26; 10:27; 13:14; 15:16; 19:23). God is the life- giver who snatches us from the jaws of death. He is an oasis in the desert for the weary traveler dying of thirst. The fear of the Lord does not entail trembling in anguish that some Zeus-like deity will strike us down with lightning. Instead, the fear of the Lord is living water to the soul, for as we dwell in intimate relationship with God he offers daily refreshment for our soul. So also, “the LORD will be your confidence and will keep your foot from being caught” (3:26; see 2:12-19; 4:6, 12). He is our firm footing and confidence in unfamiliar times because life is no walk in the park, but a treacherous hike down into the valley of death’s shadow (Ps 23:4) and up the cliff’s edge of mountain peaks (Hab 3:19). The Lord will show us where to walk and where to plant our feet. He is the lamp that guides our way and lights the path of righteousness (Prov 4:11-27).

In his sovereignty For God is sovereign in his power. He is Creator of all and the Author of history and the One who inspired the writing of Scripture (2 Tim 3:16-17). He owns all things both by right of creation (Rev 4:11; Ps 50:10-12) and by the blood of Christ at Calvary (Eph 1:10). God in sovereignty governs kings (Prov 8:15; 21:1) and circumstances (v. 31), even the casting of the lot (16:33). So “the heart of man plans his way, but the LORD establishes his steps” (16:9; see vv. 1, 3; 19:21; 20:24). Ask yourself: “Do I ever struggle with not feeling in control? Is it hard to trust the Lord with my life?” 324

As Spurgeon declared, “No doctrine in the whole Word of God has more excited the hatred of mankind than the truth of the absolute sovereignty of God. The fact that ‘the Lord reigneth’ is indisputable, and it is this fact that arouses the utmost opposition of the unrenewed human heart.”11 If we do not trust the holy God as all-wise and all-loving, then we will cringe to know him as all-powerful like seeing a nuclear weapon in the hands of a terrorist. God’s sovereignty, however, is meant to be a comfort, for the child of God can trust his redeeming purpose even in our suffering. We know he will forgive our sin and have faith that if God calls us to a task he will empower us with resources to complete it. For God will use our lives to tell a story that somehow, some way fits into his grander story for all creation.

In his jealous wrath Finally, we encounter the jealous God who is wrathful in his power. God does all things for the sake of his name. So when we foolishly worship idols, God uses all his sovereign power to root out those adulterous desires of the heart. God is jealous for his glory and burns with anger when we pander our affections to lesser gods. “The LORD tears down the house of the proud but maintains the widow’s boundaries” (15:25; see 3:33-35; 22:28; 23:10-11). He gets angry when we elevate our wealth and livelihood, or lack thereof, above the Lord. When we pursue these idols more than the God who must be worshipped he makes a point of tearing down our pride (16:18). Only those who are humble, like the helpless widow, receive the protection of the Lord. Now God does not use his power to punish, but to protect his children. Yet often, in his wrath he must protect us from ourselves. He works against the idols of our heart to root them out and bring us to repentance. God’s wrath, therefore, may be painful, yet always for our good. So how does the truth of God’s power help the frazzled mother? It convicts her

11 Charles Spurgeon, sermon on Divine Sovereignty (1856).

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that children must not be worshipped and make unsatisfying idols. He good desires for their health and safety, growth and maturity, success and accomplishments have ruled her heart and overwhelmed her life. The sovereign God was working to expose her sinful heart desires (23:26), tearing down the idols she had made of her children using every tantrum, dirty diaper, messy room, sibling spat, and broken piece of furniture. Every time her children failed in character, fumbled with politeness, and fell short in academics or athletics she was convicted how she had made them into idols. So now this frazzled mother begins returning to the gospel day after day:

O Lord, I am a helpless sinner trying to raise unruly reprobates. I’ve been a fool to put my faith in them and make my children into idols. My emotions rise and fall on their success. I’m also trusting in myself, in human wisdom, and right techniques. Lord, let me put my faith in you. I now confess my misplaced worship and the many ways it led me into sin. Lord, teach me, as you are, to be holy, wise, and loving. Teach me to exercise my parental power in the way that you wield authority. Transform my heart to honor you and raise up children who bring you glory. My hope, Lord, rests in you alone to change my heart and theirs.

So with joy, this mother finds that God is using sinful children to change her heart and he is using her, a sinner, to work on theirs. Thus Paul writes, “And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose. For those whom he foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the image of his Son, in order that he might be the firstborn among many brothers” (Rom 8:28-29). What we think about God is the most important thing about us because God is making us like himself. God sets himself apart as the Holy One whom we must worship, for he is the personal God who comes to us instead of waiting for us to go to him. He is the gracious

God who works all things together for our good. He grants us peace and knows all truth. He is the God of justice whose jealous wrath will right all wrongs. His sovereign, omnipotent power affords him patience with our growth, having planned our salvation from before time began. For “those whom he predestined he also called, and those whom he called he also justified, and those whom he justified he also glorified” (v. 30). Our

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conformity to Christ and freedom from false idols is as good as done! God’s character allows him to slowly massage his Word into our hearts as it takes time to become what we behold. “[For] we all, with unveiled face, beholding the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from one degree of glory to another” (2 Cor 3:18a). To quote from Tozer once again: “With the goodness of God to desire our highest welfare, the wisdom of God to plan it, and the power of God to achieve it, what do we lack? Surely we are the most favored of all creatures.”12

Life Application Questions

1. Study an attribute of God daily and ask how each Scripture specifically reveals God’s character. Do this each day for a different attribute. Here are some additional verses for reflection: • God is holy (Ps 99; Isa 6; Matt 5:43-48; 1 Pet 1:13-25)

• God is omnipresent (Ps 139:7-12; Jer 23:23-24; Acts 17:28)

• God is eternal (2 Pet 3:8-13; Isa 46:9-10; Heb 13:8)

• God is beautiful (Pss 27:4; 73:25; Rev 22:1-5)

• God is blessed (1 Tim 6:15; Gen 1:31; Isa 62:5)

• God is personal (Matt 10:28-31; Ps 56:8-11; Rom 8:26-27)

• God is gracious (1 John 4:7-12; Eph 2:1-10; Titus 2:11-14)

• God is good (Luke 18:18-30; Pss 107; 34:8-22)

12 Tozer, Knowledge of the Holy, 99.

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• God is patient (Rom 2:1-11; Jonah 4; Exod 34:6-9)

• God is peace (1 Cor 14:33; Rom 15:33; Phil 4:9)

• God is truth (John 14:5-14; Jer 10:10-13; Prov 30:5)

• God is omniscient (Ps 139:1-4; Heb 4:12-13; 1 John 3:16-20)

• God is just (Ps 19; Job 40; Acts 10:34-35)

• God is self-sufficient (Ps 115:3; Prov 21:1; Dan 4:35)

• God is omnipotent (Jer 32:17; Eph 3:20; Luke 1:37)

• God is sovereign (Eph 1; Acts 4:24-31; 1 Tim 6:13-16)

• God is jealous (Exod 34:13-17; Rom 1:18-27; Ps 103)

2. For each attribute: • Do you take pleasure, comfort and security in this aspect of God?

• Does your character increasingly resemble this attribute of God?

• How does your understanding and application of God affect your current struggles with suffering? With sin?

Memory Verse Proverbs 9:10 The fear of the LORD is the beginning of wisdom, and the knowledge of the Holy One is insight.

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Resources for further study: Tozer, A. W. The Knowledge of the Holy. New York: HarperCollins, 1961. Wilkin, Jen. None Like Him: 10 Ways God is Different From Us (and Why That’s a Good Thing). Wheaton: Crossway, 2016.

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APPENDIX 1: OUTLINE OF PROVERBS 10-31

A. A Second Collection of Solomonic Proverbs (10:1-22:6)1 1. Proverbs contrasting wise over foolish living (10:1-15:33) 2. Proverbs contrasting righteous over wicked living (16:1-22:16)

B. Sayings of the Wisemen (22:17-24:34) 1. Thirty sayings to trust in the Lord for all of life (22:17-24:22) 2. Six more sayings to warn against evil (24:23-34)

C. More Solomonic Proverbs Compiled by King Hezekiah’s Wisemen (25:1-29:27) 1. Miscellaneous proverbs (25:1-27:27) 2. Proverbs contrasting the righteous and the wicked (28:1-29:27)

D. Sayings of Agur (30:1-33) 1. Agur’s prayer for humility (vv. 1-9) 2. Agur’s principles for wisdom (vv. 10-33) 3. Agur’s promise of salvation (v. 5)

E. Sayings of Lemuel (31:1-31) 1. The Proverbs 31 Man (vv. 1-9) 2. The Proverbs 31 Woman (vv. 10-31)

1 The first collection of Solomonic Proverbs is found in chapters 1-9.

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APPENDIX 2: APPLYING AND INTERPRETING PROVERBS

Applying Proverbs Charles Bridges introduced the book of Proverbs in his outstanding commentary:

It is a mirror to show our defects. It is a guidebook and a directory for godly conduct. Beside a code of laws directly religious, a variety of admirable rules spring forth from the deep recesses of wisdom and spread over the whole field. All ranks and classes have their word in season. The Sovereign on the throne is instructed as from God. The principles of national prosperity or decay are laid open. The rich are warned of their besetting temptations. The poor are cheered in their worldly humiliation. Wise rules are given for self-government. It bridles the injurious tongue, corrects the wanton eye, and ties the unjust hand in chains. It prevents sloth; chastises all absurd desires; teaches prudence; raises man's courage and represents temperance and chastity after such a fashion that we cannot but have them in veneration. To come to important matters so often mismanaged, the blessing or curse of the marriage ordinance is vividly portrayed. Sound principles of family order and discipline are inculcated. Domestic economy is displayed in its adorning consistency. Nay, even the minute courtesies of daily life are regulated; self-denying consideration of others, and liberal distribution are enforced. Thus, if the Psalms bring the glow upon the heart, the Proverbs make the face to shine.1

The Proverbs are superbly applicable, yet they must be read and studied in order to bear fruit. Consider the following plan for facilitating practical application.

Peruse Peruse the chapter in Proverbs corresponding to each day of the month (e.g., Proverbs 1 on January 1), but don’t stress if you miss a day. Consider also another option of reading the whole book once a week while focusing on a specific theme each time (e.g., money, anger, laziness, speech, drunkenness, parenting, etc.).2 Write down insights for each theme and use personal devotions or family worship to apply what you read. Plan for approximately thirty minutes to complete.

1 Charles Bridges, The Crossway Classic Commentaries: Proverbs (Wheaton: Crossway, 2001), from the preface. 2 See Appendix 3 for a topical index including every verse in Proverbs.

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Prepare First, approach the Proverbs with a problem, concern, or question for which you desire an answer. This will cultivate interest and show your confidence in God’s Word as a manual for living (2 Pet 1:3). Pray for wisdom to understand the meaning of the Proverbs and their application to daily life (Jas 1:5).

Pick One to Study Study the chapter (or topic) of the day. Read slowly, noting any verses of special interest. Reread all the verses noted and select only one that stands out. The purpose of this study is to learn and internalize one proverb at a time.

Paraphrase Interpret the meaning in your own words. Find help from different Bible translations or commentaries. Cross-reference passages in Scripture related to the principles found in Proverbs.

Pray Memorize the entire verse word-for-word. Take a picture with your phone or write it on a card, so you will have it with you always. Write down a corresponding prayer to reflect on this verse throughout the week. For example, “Dear Lord, help me to trust in you with all my heart even when I am tempted to figure things out for myself”

(3:5).

Practice

Compete for how many life applications you can come up with in ten minutes (At work? At home? At play? At school? In church? For yourself? For others?). Parents may need to help younger children with this study. Choose one personal application from your brainstorm to put into practice each day. Throughout the week, compare with your family or friends who can insert the most 332

proverbs into daily life and conversations. For fun, pick a proverb at random and challenge each person around the dinner table to explain its meaning. Some will be harder than others.

Interpreting Proverbs Before you apply the proverbs, you must first interpret them correctly. Proverbs can be difficult to interpret for the modern reader, even though they were written to be widely accessible. Aside from the basic hermeneutical principles of observation, interpretation, and application, Hebrew poetry possesses certain unique characteristics. The following principles provide guidance for pariemiology, the study of proverbs.3

Begin with the Overall Theme Solomon states the overall theme of Proverbs in the opening prologue: “The fear of the LORD is the beginning of knowledge; fools despise wisdom and instruction”

(1:7). He then wraps together chapters 1-9 with an inclusio: “The fear of the LORD is the beginning of wisdom, and the knowledge of the Holy One is insight.” (9:10). Like the foundation of a house, the fear of the Lord sets the frame for understanding Proverbs. The interpretive key: How does each proverb help wise people express reverent obedience and worshipful joy to the Lord?

Determine the Literary Form Proverbs contains two basic literary forms. Most common are direct admonitions to obey often accompanied by practical motivation.4 For example, “Give

3 See Appendix 2 for insight from other authors on interpreting Proverbs. This chapter was informed greatly by Matt Weymeyer’s blog posts on the subject: https://expositorythoughts.wordpress.com/2006/12/14/guidelines-for-studying-proverbs-part-1; https://expositorythoughts.wordpress.com/2006/12/18/guidelines-for-studying-proverbs-part-2; https://expositorythoughts.wordpress.com/2006/12/19/guidelines-for-studying-proverbs-part-3. 4 “At times the motivation clause may not be stated (20:18) or may be implicit (24:17-18; 25:21-22), but at all times commands are meant to stimulate response and obedience” (Grant R. Osborne, 333

instruction to a wise man, and he will be still wiser” (9:9a). Admonitions characterize Proverbs 1-9; 22:17-24:22. Another literary form is the wisdom saying expressed in the indicative with an implied exhortation to choose the correct way. For example, “A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger” (15:1). The command remains unstated, but the instruction is clear. Wisdom sayings are mostly found in Proverbs 10:1-22:16; chapters 25-29. The interpretive key: All proverbs are a call to application, but may come in the form of either an imperative or indicative.

Spot the Figurative Imagery

Get the point Proverbs are like needles: short, sharp, and shiny. They are terse and catchy— truth dressed to travel. “Proverbs by definition are short and pointed. They burst in the front door, bang a cup on the table, have their say, and then exit with a slam—leaving us blinking in amazement, and mulling over what they said. . . . The aim of a proverb is to make an insight permanent.”5 Proverbs are truth in crystalized form; distilled to its essential elements; carefully crafted; no wasted words or long explanations; the purpose is to be memorable. For example, 16:18 includes only seven words in the Hebrew: “Pride goes before destruction, and a haughty spirit before a fall.” Even a child can memorize seven words, making it much more memorable than a lengthy lecture on pride.6

Use your imagination

The Hermeneutical Spiral: A Comprehensive Introduction to Biblical Interpretation [Downers Grove, IL: InterVarsity Press, 1991], 249).

5 Dan Phillips, God’s Wisdom in Proverbs: Hearing God’s Voice in Scripture (Woodlands, TX: Kress Biblical Resources, 2011), 27.

6 Daniel P. Bricker, “The Doctrine of the ‘Two Ways’ in Proverbs,” JETS 38, no. 4 (1995): 502. The Hebrew often omits whole words and phrases, requiring the reader’s sanctified imagination to fill in the gaps.

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Secondly, the Proverbs light the imagination on fire. For example, 6:27-29 is strikingly memorable: “Can a man carry fire next to his chest and his clothes not be burned? Or can one walk on hot coals and his feet not be scorched? So is he who goes in to his neighbor's wife; none who touches her will go unpunished.” “Like a gold ring in a pig's snout is a beautiful woman without discretion” (11:22) evokes much more than the advice: “Don’t marry a woman for her looks.” The sages were sensitive observers to life who invite us to stop and observe, pay attention and learn. They were the photographers of the Bible, capturing truth in action which might be missed should a person blink.

Discover poetry Third, the Proverbs must be read as poetry, paying close attention to the sights and sounds of figurative imagery. The sages devised their instruction to make a point using brevity and imagery, but also with attention to detail. Therefore, we must familiarize ourselves with such Hebrew literary devices as chiasm (6:32), inclusio (1:7; 31:30), simile (25:25), metaphor (13:23), synecdoche (16:31; 20:29), merism (3:19-20), metonymy (6:17; 27:24), personification (1:20-21; 9:1-6), hyperbole (30:3), litotes (10:19; 16:29), irony (7:14), alliteration (15:27a; 31:11a), assonance (10:9a; 13:20b), consonance (10:18; 11:7), acrostic (31:10-31), numeric parallelism (30:18-19), rhetorical questions (6:27-28), and paranomasia (22:24).7 Each literary device has a specific purpose in advancing the message of Proverbs. The interpretive key: We must read the

Proverbs as poetry by the rules of poetry.

Understand the Ancient Context

God’s Word addresses all people and is “profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, and for training in righteousness” (2 Tim 3:16), yet the Proverbs were

7 See Wilfred G. E. Watson, Classical Hebrew Poetry: A Guide to its Techniques, 2nd ed., reprinted and corrected, JSOT 26 [Sheffield, UK: Sheffield Academic Press, 1995] for examples of these literary devices and many more.

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written for a particular people in a particular time and place. Therefore, we must understand the author’s intent in the original context without importing contemporary localized thinking. “Many proverbs express their truths according to practices and institutions that no longer exist, although they were common to the Old Testament Israelites.”8 For example, the “riches” in 22:4 speak not of a padded bank account or personal jet, but more commonly of a permanent dwelling and daily bread in a subsistence society. So also, we might be confused by hearing, “It is better to live in a corner of the housetop than in a house shared with a quarrelsome wife” (21:9; 25:24). In ancient times, some actually did live on the housetop which functioned like a balcony (e.g., Deut 22:8) or even a guest room. This upper room was flat and often used for bathing (e.g., 2 Sam 11:2), eating, and keeping cool in the arid Middle Eastern climate (e.g., Acts 10:9-16). So the hen-pecked husband was not clinging to a satellite dish as he slides off a sloped roof. Instead, a modern-day paraphrase might be: “Better to live in the garage than in a spacious house with a woman you never should have married.”

Other proverbs are anachronistic, but the principle itself may be timeless. For example, most people no longer cast lots for guidance (16:33; 18:18) or condone slavery (12:9; 19:10), so we must bridge the gap between the worlds by identifying the timeless truth. We might interpret these principles for seeking God’s direction and practicing wisdom in the workplace. We also no longer snuff out oil lamps (Prov 13:9; 20:20), yet still we realize it figuratively means putting someone to death (see Job 21:17). Plucked- out eyes (Prov 30:17) was a gruesome depiction of a corpse left exposed to be ravaged by wild animals (e.g., 1 Kgs 14:11). Failure to study the proverbs contextually would result in a flawed or confusing explanation, but once we understand the cultural context we can extract the timeless truth. The interpretive key: Understand the cultural context to unlock

8 Gordon D. Fee and Douglas Stuart, How to Read the Bible for All Its Worth: A Guide to Understanding the Bible (Grand Rapids: Zondervan, 1993), 246.

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the intended meaning.

Unlock Poetic Parallelism English poetry tends to rhyme words, whereas Hebrew poetry tends to rhyme (develop) thoughts.9 The interpretive key: How are the parallel lines of a proverb related to each another? There are four main types of poetic parallelism.

Synonymous

The first is synonymous parallelism in which A repeats B (often using the connector “and”). For example,

Wisdom cries aloud in the street, [and] in the markets she raises her voice (1:20).

The interpretive key: In synonymous parallelism, the clearer statement can shed light on the one more obscure.

Antithetic Secondly, is antithetic parallelism in which A contrasts B (often using the connector “but”). For example, A wise son makes a glad father, but a foolish son is a sorrow to his mother (10:1).

The interpretive key: Antithetic parallelism emphasizes the importance of choosing wisdom over folly. About 90% of the proverbs in chapters 10-15 are antithetic, thus contrasting the way of the wise man and the fool—the righteous and the wicked.

9 “Patterns of parallelism can be quite intricate or simple, but the most common pattern of poetry in Proverbs is the bicolon or couplet. Other patterns are the monocolon (24:26), the tricolon (22:29; 25:13), the quatrain (24:5–6; 24:19–20) and, more rarely, the pentad (30:15–16) and the hexad (30:29–30)” (Bricker, “Two Ways,” 504).

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Emblematic A third type is emblematic parallelism in which A symbolizes B (often using “like, as”). For example, the first line is figurative and the second literal in 11:22. Like a gold ring in a pig’s snout is a beautiful woman without discretion.

The interpretive key: In emblematic parallelism, how is A like B?

Synthetic Fourthly, in synthetic parallelism B completes, advances, or develops A. For example, Yahweh has made everything for its purpose, even the wicked for the day of trouble (16:4).

The interpretive key: In synthetic parallelism, how do we live in light of this fuller truth? If we can understand how the parallel lines of poetry are related, we will have taken the most important step of understanding the author’s intended meaning.

Table 1. Types of Poetic Parallelism10

Parallelism Indicators Interpretive Key

Synonymous A repeats B (“and”) The clearer statement can shed light on the one more obscure.

Antithetic A contrasts B (“but”) Choose wisdom over folly.

Emblematic A symbolizes B (“like, as”) How is A like B?

10 Swindoll alliterates these categories as corresponding, contrastive, comparative, and completing (Charles R. Swindoll, Living the Proverbs: Insight for the Daily Grind [Brentwood, TN: Worthy Publishing, 2012], 3-5).

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Synthetic B completes, advances, or How do we live in light of this develops A fuller truth?

Don’t Assume Unconditional Promises One common error in reading Proverbs is to take each general statement of truth as an absolute promise for the present. The Proverbs are not promises, however, but principles which are only true in general. The Proverbs reveal the best road to take, but are not ironclad guarantees with traveler’s insurance. So we must always live to please the Lord (16:7) without losing faith if life works out differently than we expect (1 Pet 4:12-16). Certainly God promises abundant life now (John 10:10b) and eternal life future (v. 28), yet the Proverbs are guidelines not guarantees. They declare an eternal perspective, not an earthly one. “Proverbs state a wise way to approach certain selected practical goals but do so in terms that cannot be treated like a divine warranty of success.”11 Therefore, individual proverbs may not always seem immediately true, but they will always be ultimately true. For proverbs are “not like subway tokens, guaranteed to open the turnstile every time. They are guidelines, not mechanical formulas. They are procedures to follow, not promises that we claim.”12 Since we live in a fallen world among sinful men and women, we cannot assume a life which always follows the human ideal. We must either give up the ideal of justice or relegate it to a realm beyond the present human experience. For instance, compare the life of Jesus to Proverbs 16:7, “When a man’s ways please the LORD, he makes even his enemies to be at peace with him.” Certainly, this was not the case for Jesus on the road to the crucifixion surrounded by enemies (Phil 2:5-8), yet it will be the case on the final day of reckoning (vv. 9-11). Thus Proverbs teaches the content of wisdom, but also requires the right use of wisdom

11 Fee and Stuart, How to Read the Bible, 242.

12 David A. Hubbard, Proverbs, The Preacher’s Commentary, vol. 15, (Nashville: Thomas Nelson, 2004), 25.

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for interpretation.

A proverb is not a magical formula, bringing wisdom and blessing by incantation: “Like a lame man’s legs, which hang useless, is a proverb in the mouth of fools” (Prov. 26:7). If not approached and applied with sound biblical wisdom, a proverb won’t get us any further than a pair of lame legs. What is more, a misused proverb can cause much pain and harm: “Like a thorn that goes up into the hand of a drunkard is a proverb in the mouth of fools” (Prov. 26:9). One who hastily memorizes a few proverbs and begins flinging them about will be less like a master sage, and more like “The Sorcerer’s Apprentice” in the old Disney cartoon.13

“Wisdom, then, is not a matter of memorizing proverbs and applying them mechanically and absolutely. Wisdom is knowing the right time and the right circumstance to apply the right principle to the right person. . . In a word, proverbs are principles that are generally true, not immutable laws.”14 For example, a wise steward may still lose his bed (22:26-27), work does not always correlate with profit (14:23), and a foolish man may become temporarily wealthy (13:18). In general, “a soft answer turns away wrath” (15:1), but sadly that is not always the case. Taking the proverbs as absolute promises may result in faulty theology and harmful application akin to the friends of Job (13:21).15 The interpretative key: The proverbs are principles, not promises. The only proverbs that are unconditionally true are grounded in God’s unchanging attributes (e.g., 11:1; 12:22; 15:3; 16:2, 33; 22:2).

Read Proverbs Collectively “Proverbs give good advice for wise approaches to certain aspects of life, but

13 Phillips, God’s Wisdom, 23.

14 Longman, How to Read Proverbs, 56.

15 We can see how Job’s friends might have justified their statements from the Proverbs (e.g., Job 4:7-8 from Prov 14:11; 15:16; Job 8:4 from Prov 10:27; 11:19; Job 11:3, 20 from Prov 3:33-34; Job 11:13-20 from Prov 28:13). “The basic error of Job’s friends is that they overestimate their grasp of the truth, misapply the truth they know, and close their minds to any facts that contradict what they assume” (Derek Kidner, The Wisdom of Proverbs, Job, and Ecclesiastes (Downers Grove: IVP Academic, 1985), 60). Parsons also explains: “Though many have become poor through laziness (10:4–5; 12:24; 20:13), ignoring discipline (13:18), or through gluttony and drunkenness (23:20–21), others are impoverished only because of the providential will of God (29:13); therefore the poor must not be mocked (17:5)” (Greg W. Parsons, “Guidelines for Understanding and Proclaiming the Book of Proverbs,” Bibliotheca Sacra 150, no. 2 [1993]: 150).

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are not exhaustive in their coverage.”16 We face a variety of situations in everyday life and need wisdom for each one of them. Van Leeuwen agrees: “To use a proverb wisely, whether from the Bible or the sayings of contemporary America, one must have a proverb repertoire adequate to handle the complexities of life.”17 Such sweeping statements in wisdom literature call for a reader to keep his wits, for “the truth of an individual proverb is limited to the specific slice of reality that it portrays.”18 They cannot be clipped like coupons. “A proverb is a brief, particular expression of a truth. The briefer a statement is, the less likely it is to be totally precise and universally applicable.”19 As a result, many proverbs would be in apparent opposition should we falsely assume a uniform context. We are instructed to make plans (15:22), but also to trust the sovereign Lord (16:9). We are told both to speak and to keep silent (17:27-28). We read differing statements about bribery (17:8, 23), wealth (15:6; 18:11), and of going to court (25:8-9). One common example is the back-to-back statements in 26:4-5 which appear contradictory until we realize they were each meant for a different context:

“Answer not a fool according to his folly, lest you be like him yourself. Answer a fool according to his folly, lest he be wise in his own eyes.” “This juxtaposition is not a coincidence but a way to stress that a proverb’s application is limited to the particular and concrete.”20 Verse 4 warns against adopting a fool’s way of speaking, whereas verse 5 proposes confrontation so he does not remain the

16 Fee and Stuart, How to Read the Bible, 248. 17 Raymond Van Leeuwen, A Complete Literary Guide to the Bible, ed. Leland Ryken and Tremper Longman III (Grand Rapids: Zondervan, 1993), 266.

18 Ted A. Hildebrandt, “Proverb” in Cracking Old Testament Codes: A Guide to Interpreting the Literary Genres of the Old Testament, edited by D. Brent Sandy and Ronald L. Giese, Jr., 233-54 (Nashville: Broadman & Holman, 1995), 249.

19 Fee and Stuart, How to Read the Bible, 217-18. 20 J. A. Dearman, Religion and Culture in Ancient Israel (Peabody, MA: Hendrickson, 1992), 210. “Proverbs are not universally valid. Their validity depends on the right time and the right circumstance. . . . A wise person knows the right time and the right situation for the right proverb” (Longman, How to Read Proverbs, 49) (Prov 15:23; see 26:7, 9).

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fool. We find similar contextual contradictions by humorously comparing certain English proverbs: “You’re never too old to learn,” but “You can’t teach an old dog new tricks.” “Many hands make light work,” but “Too many cooks spoil the broth.” “Absence makes the heart grow fonder” versus “Out of sight, out of mind.” “Better safe than sorry” versus “Nothing ventured, nothing gained.” “Look before you leap” and “He who hesitates is lost.”

Since we know the Proverbs were intentionally compiled, we accept the inspired order as God’s way of providing wisdom for every unique situation. We must let Scripture interpret Scripture and never use the proverbs to justify sin or disobedience to God’s Word. The interpretative key: “Each inspired proverb must be balanced with others and also understood in conjunction with the rest of Scripture.”21

Let the Proverbs Point to Jesus According to philosopher Miroslav Volf, “To reject wisdom as a way of life, or

Christ as the embodiment of wisdom, is not like leaving the dessert untouched after a good meal; rather, it is like refusing the very nourishment without which human beings cannot truly flourish.”22 The Proverbs are not simply rules for living well, but point us to the Person of Jesus Christ. For without Jesus, we are fools. Sin cut us off from God, the source of all wisdom. Yet God demonstrated his love by sending his Son to become wisdom for us (1 Cor 1:30). God revealed his wisdom most clearly on the cross when he simultaneously punished our sin and pardoned us to bring us into relation with himself

(vv. 18-31). Wisdom is life with God made possible only through the life, death, and resurrection of Jesus Christ, who though perfectly wise, suffered the consequences of our

21 Fee and Stuart, How to Read the Bible, 243.

22 Miroslav Volf, A Public Faith: How Followers of Christ Should Serve the Common Good (Grand Rapids: Brazos Press, 2011), 102.

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shame and folly to restore us to God. We are not just made wise in Christ, but made right with God so we can boast in Christ. Through faith in Jesus, we have the ability to live out the wisdom of Proverbs. In fact, if we follow the path of wisdom we will end up at Jesus. For in Jesus is the fulfillment of Isaiah 11:2, “And the Spirit of the LORD shall rest upon him, the Spirit of wisdom and understanding, the Spirit of counsel and might, the Spirit of knowledge and the fear of the LORD.”

Interpretive Keys

Richard Mayhue, Practicing Proverbs23 1. Realize that no proverb or section in Proverbs intends to be an exhaustive, unabridged, final treatment of the subject at hand.

2. Proverbs must be understood in terms of context which includes: 1) the language as used elsewhere in Scripture; 2) the particular section of Proverbs in which the text occurs; 3) the book of Proverbs; 4) the writings of Solomon; 5) the wisdom sections of the Old Testament; 6) the complete Old Testament; and 7) the entire Bible.

3. Proverbs demand to be interpreted in the cultural and historical settings of the time in which it was written.

4. Proverbs should not be taken as absolute, unconditional, guaranteed promises but rather, by definition, as generalizations that can have exceptions.

5. Poetic features and figures of speech need to be taken appropriately into account when interpreting Proverbs, so that you do not interpret the text too literally.

6. Be careful not to use Proverbs with the personal motive of selfish gain but rather for achieving spiritual maturity and wisdom in order to glorify God.

7. If a proverb is unclear, read it in other good Bible translations (NASB, NKJ, [ESV or NIV]) and consult several trusted commentaries on Proverbs.

23 Mayhue, Practicing Proverbs, 39-40.

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8. Interpret the proverb first to determine the original intent of the author and then develop personal applications and timeless principles of the interpretation.

9. Proverbs is not designed for large doses of reading at one sitting, and will be most profitably studied in small portions to allow time for contemplation and reflection.

10. Treat Proverbs as a divine imperative for your life, not merely another optional idea coming from the secular world of wisdom.

Mark Dever, The Message of the Old Testament24 1. Common sense is required.

2. Individual proverbs are always ultimately true.

3. Individual proverbs are normally true now.

4. Individual proverbs employ poetic imagery.

5. Individual proverbs are partial in themselves. To understand all that Proverbs teaches on a topic, a single proverb must not be taken as exhaustive.

6. Individual proverbs are sometimes obscure. Without existing in the culture in which the Proverbs were written 3,000 years ago, there will be some statements that just won’t make sense. Understand what the proverb meant then before you try to transport the meaning to now.

7. As a whole, the proverbs are religious. It is a book about our lives before God, not just a book of practical knowledge.

24 Mark Dever, The Message of the Old Testament: Promises Made (Wheaton: Crossway, 2006), 509-11.

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Gordon Fee & Douglas Stuart, How to Read the Bible for All Its Worth25 1. Proverbs are often parabolic (i.e., figurative), pointing beyond themselves.

2. Proverbs are intensely practical, not theoretically theological.

3. Proverbs are worded to be memorable, not technically precise.

4. Proverbs are not designed to support selfish behavior—just the opposite!

5. Proverbs strongly reflecting ancient culture may need sensible “translation” so as not to lose their meaning.

6. Proverbs are not guarantees from God, but poetic guidelines for good behavior.

7. Proverbs may use highly specific language, exaggeration, or any of a variety of literary techniques to make their point.

8. Proverbs give good advice for wise approaches to certain aspects of life, but are not exhaustive in their coverage.

9. Wrongly used, proverbs might justify a crass, materialistic lifestyle. Rightly used, proverbs will provide practical advice for daily living.

10. Proverbs point to Jesus.

25 Fee and Stuart, How to Read the Bible, 247-48.

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Tremper Longman III, How to Read Proverbs26 1. Keep in mind the structure of the whole book of Proverbs as you read any part of it. In particular, make sure you read any passage of the book in the light of the imagery concerning the path and the two women that is developed in Proverbs 1–9 and reaches its climax in Proverbs 8–9.

2. Reflect on the parallelism of a proverb by asking how the second colon sharpens or intensifies the thought of the first.

3. Identify the imagery in a passage, then unpack it by asking how the two things compared are similar and how they are different.

4. Think about the source of the wisdom of a passage. Does it come from observation, experience, tradition, revelation or any combination of these sources?

5. Is the passage an observation, a bit of advice, a warning, a reflection, or some other kind of teaching?

6. Since proverbs are not true in any and every circumstance, ask under what circumstances the proverb may or may not apply to a situation. How can you tell?

7. Does the proverb mention or imply a reward or punishment that will result from obedience or disobedience?

8. If the passage is addressed to a young man, ask how it applies to you.

9. Using a commentary, study the Near Eastern background of the passage you are considering.

10. When doing a topical study, read through the book of Proverbs and pinpoint the relevant verses. Group them together, then study each group.

11. Try to identify biblical stories or characters who may illustrate the truthfulness of the proverb(s) you are studying.

26 Longman, How to Read Proverbs, 156-57.

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12. Does the New Testament address the topic or teaching of the passage you are studying?

13. Think of Christ as the fulfillment of wisdom and how he might illustrate the wisdom of the passage you are reading.

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APPENDIX 3: TOPICAL INDEX OF PROVERBS 1-31

This chart arranges topics in Proverbs alphabetically for ease of study. Each sub-topic fleshes out the nuances of the main topic. The counseling topics addressed in this commentary are not exhaustive as many more can be explored (e.g., peace and conflict, “better than” proverbs, envy and jealousy (discontentment), self-control, forgiveness, listening, counseling, foolish and wise, righteous and wicked, murderers, thieves, health and aging, worship and sacrifice, leadership, consequences, heart desires, salvation and sanctification, time management, busyness, beauty, etc.). Proverbs presents a lifetime of study for the diligent student.

Ch Ver Topic Sub-topic

20 1 Addiction (drunkenness) Creates conflict

21 17 Addiction (drunkenness) Drains wealth

23 20 Addiction (drunkenness) Don’t associate

23 29 Addiction (drunkenness) Leads to sorrow, conflict, physical pain

23 30 Addiction (drunkenness) Consumes time & thoughts

23 31 Addiction (drunkenness) Looks & tastes attractive

23 32 Addiction (drunkenness) Bites in the end

23 33 Addiction (drunkenness) Results in hallucinations & perverse speech

23 34 Addiction (drunkenness) Results in physical disorientation

23 35 Addiction (drunkenness) Leads to sorrow, conflict, physical pain

31 4 Addiction (drunkenness) Of leaders

31 5 Addiction (drunkenness) Justice

31 6 Addiction (drunkenness) Wine ministers to the dying and distressed

31 7 Addiction (drunkenness) Wine makes the poor forget their misery

23 1 Addiction (gluttony) Don’t be manipulated by wealth

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23 2 Addiction (gluttony) Don’t be manipulated by wealth

23 3 Addiction (gluttony) Don’t be manipulated by wealth

25 16 Addiction (gluttony) Don’t eat more than your fill/Self-Control

23 21 Addiction (gluttony/drunkenness) Leads to poverty

2 16 Adultery Smooth speech

2 17 Adultery Forsakes spouse and God

2 18 Adultery Consequences of

2 19 Adultery Consequences of

5 3 Adultery Sweet and smooth speech

5 4 Adultery Bitter and sharp in the end

5 5 Adultery Leads to death

5 6 Adultery Strays from the path

5 8 Adultery Don’t associate

5 9 Adultery Consequences of

5 10 Adultery Consequences of

5 11 Adultery Consequences of

5 12 Adultery Consequences of

5 13 Adultery Consequences of

5 14 Adultery Consequences of

5 20 Adultery Fools/Foolishness

5 21 Adultery God's omniscience

5 22 Adultery Consequences of

5 23 Adultery Strays from the path

6 24 Adultery God's protection

6 25 Adultery Beautiful, alluring

6 26 Adultery Paying for adultery worse than prostitution

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6 27 Adultery Don’t associate

6 28 Adultery Don’t associate

6 29 Adultery Consequences of

6 32 Adultery Self-destructive

6 33 Adultery Physical suffering and emotional shame

6 34 Adultery Jealous husband takes revenge

6 35 Adultery Jealous husband takes revenge

7 5 Adultery God's protection

7 6 Adultery God's omniscience

7 7 Adultery For the simple and the youth

7 8 Adultery Wrong place

7 9 Adultery Wrong time

7 10 Adultery Wrong woman

7 11 Adultery Defiant and wayward

7 12 Adultery Addicted to evil

7 13 Adultery Bold betrayal of marriage vows

7 14 Adultery Promises piety

7 15 Adultery Promises Flattery

7 16 Adultery Promises beauty

7 17 Adultery Promises sensuality

7 18 Adultery Promises pleasure

7 19 Adultery Promises anonymity

7 20 Adultery Promises anonymity

7 21 Adultery Smooth speech

7 22 Adultery Like an ox to the slaughter

7 23 Adultery Life/Death

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7 25 Adultery Don't stray from the path

7 26 Adultery Many victims

7 27 Adultery Leads to death

11 22 Adultery No discretion

22 14 Adultery Consequences of

23 27 Adultery Consequences of

23 28 Adultery Consequences of

27 8 Adultery Don’t stray from home

30 20 Adultery Claim to be guiltless

31 3 Adultery Don’t associate

14 17 Anger Consequences of

14 29 Anger Self-Control

14 30 Anger Envy (vs. peace)

15 1 Anger Self-Control

15 18 Anger Stirs up conflict

16 14 Anger Appeasing leaders

16 15 Anger Appeasing leaders

16 32 Anger Self-Control

19 12 Anger Of leaders

19 19 Anger Don’t rescue, lest you repeat

20 2 Anger Of leaders

21 14 Anger Persuasion through bribery

22 24 Anger Don’t associate

22 25 Anger Consequences of

24 29 Anger Don’t seek revenge

26 27 Anger Consequences of revenge

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29 11 Anger Don’t ventilate/Self-Control

29 22 Anger Stirs up conflict

30 33 Anger Stirs up conflict

3 30 Conflict Don’t contend for no reason

10 12 Conflict Responding in love vs. hate

17 14 Conflict Stop it quickly

17 19 Conflict Loved by sinners

18 18 Conflict Settled by lots?

18 19 Conflict Creates strife & imprisonment

19 11 Conflict Be slow to anger

20 3 Conflict To be avoided

22 10 Conflict Drive out a scoffer

25 8 Conflict Think before you litigate

25 9 Conflict First, go to your neighbor personally

25 10 Conflict Consequences of

25 21 Conflict Return good for evil

25 22 Conflict Eternal perspective

26 17 Conflict Don’t meddle

4 23 Counsel Keep your heart with all vigilance

18 1 Counsel Abundance of counselors

20 5 Counsel Understand a man's heart

22 18 Counsel Listen to wisdom

22 19 Counsel Trust in the Lord

22 20 Counsel Listen to wisdom

22 21 Counsel Listen to wisdom

23 12 Counsel Listen to wisdom

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23 19 Counsel Listen to wisdom

23 23 Counsel Listen to wisdom

25 11 Counsel Timing of

25 12 Counsel Blessing to the hearer

27 19 Counsel Heart reflects the man

29 19 Counsel Reproof more painful than instruction

30 2 Counsel Listen to wisdom

30 3 Counsel God's wisdom

30 4 Counsel God's sovereignty

30 5 Counsel Every word of God proves true

30 6 Counsel Do not add to his words

31 2 Counsel Listen to wisdom

3 28 Deception Don’t withhold repayment

3 29 Deception Love your neighbor

3 32 Deception Don’t envy sinners

6 12 Deception Crooked speech

6 19 Deception Leads to conflict

11 1 Deception Honest business practices

12 20 Deception Desires

13 7 Deception Honest business practices

17 20 Deception Consequences of

19 5 Deception Consequences of

19 9 Deception Consequences of

20 14 Deception Honest business practices

20 17 Deception Honest business practices

20 23 Deception Honest business practices

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21 6 Deception No long-term profit

21 28 Deception Consequences of

22 12 Deception God's omniscience

22 28 Deception Love your neighbor

23 6 Deception Don’t be manipulated

23 7 Deception Reflects the speaker

23 8 Deception Consequences of

23 10 Deception Love your neighbor

24 12 Deception God's omniscience

24 28 Deception Love your neighbor

25 18 Deception Impact to others

26 23 Deception Sounds attractive initially

26 24 Deception Hatred in the heart disguised by speech

26 25 Deception Hatred in the heart disguised by speech

26 26 Deception Consequences of

26 28 Deception Flattery

29 12 Deception Don’t associate; wisdom for leaders

12 17 Deception/Truth Testimony

12 19 Deception/Truth Eternal perspective

12 22 Deception/Truth Abominations to the Lord

14 5 Deception/Truth Testimony

14 25 Deception/Truth Impact to others

16 30 Deception/Truth Impact to others

19 22 Deception/Truth Poor man better than a liar

6 6 Diligent/Lazy Learn from the ant

6 7 Diligent/Lazy Industrious without a leader

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6 8 Diligent/Lazy Plan ahead for the future

6 9 Diligent/Lazy Loves sleep

6 10 Diligent/Lazy Procrastination

6 11 Diligent/Lazy Leads to poverty

10 4 Diligent/Lazy Consequences of

10 5 Diligent/Lazy Credit/Shame to parents

10 26 Diligent/Lazy Impact to others

12 11 Diligent/Lazy Consequences of

12 24 Diligent/Lazy Consequences of

12 27 Diligent/Lazy Consequences of

13 4 Diligent/Lazy Desires/Consequences of

14 4 Diligent/Lazy Sacrifice required

14 23 Diligent/Lazy Wealth

15 19 Diligent/Lazy Impact to others

16 26 Diligent/Lazy Will work for food

18 9 Diligent/Lazy Laziness leads to destruction

19 15 Diligent/Lazy Deep sleep and hunger

19 24 Diligent/Lazy Does not follow through

20 4 Diligent/Lazy Sluggard does not plan ahead

21 25 Diligent/Lazy Desires/Consequences of

21 26 Diligent/Lazy Desires/Consequences of

22 13 Diligent/Lazy Makes excuses

22 29 Diligent/Lazy The skillful worker receives honor

24 27 Diligent/Lazy Planning & priorities

24 30 Diligent/Lazy His work reveals his wisdom

24 31 Diligent/Lazy His work reveals his wisdom

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24 32 Diligent/Lazy Learn from reproof

24 33 Diligent/Lazy Procrastination

24 34 Diligent/Lazy Leads to poverty

26 13 Diligent/Lazy Makes excuses

26 14 Diligent/Lazy Loves sleep

26 15 Diligent/Lazy Does not follow through

26 16 Diligent/Lazy Wise in his own eyes

27 18 Diligent/Lazy Consequences of

28 19 Diligent/Lazy Consequences of

3 31 Discontentment Peer pressure; Don’t envy sinners

13 25 Discontentment Unsatisfied/Consequences of

23 17 Discontentment Fear of the Lord; Don’t envy sinners

23 18 Discontentment Future and hope; Don’t envy sinners

24 1 Discontentment Don’t envy sinners

24 19 Discontentment Don’t envy sinners

27 4 Discontentment Jealousy more bitter than anger; Don’t envy sinners

27 7 Discontentment Desire affects your level of satisfaction

27 20 Discontentment Desires lead to Life/Death

30 15 Discontentment Unsatisfied

30 16 Discontentment Unsatisfied

30 22 Discontentment When satisfied unwisely

30 23 Discontentment When satisfied unwisely

13 12 Emotions Hope deferred

14 10 Emotions Bitterness/Joy

14 13 Emotions Joy/Sorrow

15 13 Emotions Joy/Sorrow

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15 15 Emotions Joy/Sorrow

15 30 Emotions Joy

17 22 Emotions Joy/Sorrow

18 14 Emotions Crushed spirit

25 20 Emotions Don’t trivialize another's pain

20 6 Faithfulness Rare

20 28 Faithfulness Of leaders

24 10 Faithfulness Don’t faint in the day of adversity

11 29 Family/Parenting Stirring up conflict

13 24 Family/Parenting Discipline

14 1 Family/Parenting Wise/Foolish

17 6 Family/Parenting Blessing of children and grandchildren

19 18 Family/Parenting Discipline

20 7 Family/Parenting Righteousness blesses children

20 11 Family/Parenting Conduct reflects the child

20 20 Family/Parenting Honor your parents

20 21 Family/Parenting Wisdom in giving an inheritance

22 6 Family/Parenting Train up a child

22 15 Family/Parenting Discipline

23 13 Family/Parenting Discipline

23 14 Family/Parenting Discipline

23 24 Family/Parenting Credit/Shame to parents

23 25 Family/Parenting Credit/Shame to parents

23 26 Family/Parenting By example

24 3 Family/Parenting A house is built on wisdom

24 4 Family/Parenting A house is built on wisdom

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28 7 Family/Parenting Credit/Shame to parents (gluttony)

28 24 Family/Parenting Honor your parents

29 3 Family/Parenting Credit/Shame to parents (prostitution)

29 15 Family/Parenting Discipline

29 17 Family/Parenting Discipline

29 21 Family/Parenting Don’t spoil children

30 17 Family/Parenting Honor your parents

14 28 Fear of man Leaders seeking to please people

29 25 Fear of man Trust in the Lord

1 7 Fear of the Lord Beginning of knowledge; Don’t be a fool

8 13 Fear of the Lord Hatred of evil: pride and perverted speech

9 10 Fear of the Lord Know the Lord

10 27 Fear of the Lord Prolongs life

14 26 Fear of the Lord Dependence on

14 27 Fear of the Lord Life/Death

15 3 Fear of the Lord God's omniscience

15 11 Fear of the Lord God's omniscience

15 16 Fear of the Lord Wealth

15 33 Fear of the Lord Listen to wisdom; Proud

16 6 Fear of the Lord Eternal perspective

16 7 Fear of the Lord Even his enemies at peace

19 23 Fear of the Lord Life/Death

22 4 Fear of the Lord Consequences of

12 25 Fear/Anxiety Joy/Sorrow

28 1 Fear/Anxiety Guilty conscience

9 13 Folly Defiant, seductive, ignorant

358

9 14 Folly Calls aloud in public

9 15 Folly Calls aloud in public

9 16 Folly For the simple and the fool

9 17 Folly Temporary pleasures of wickedness

9 18 Folly Many victims; Consequences of

3 35 Foolish/Wise Consequences of

9 12 Foolish/Wise Consequences of

10 1 Foolish/Wise Credit/Shame to parents

10 8 Foolish/Wise Listen to wisdom

10 23 Foolish/Wise Desires

12 1 Foolish/Wise Listen to wisdom

12 8 Foolish/Wise Consequences of

12 15 Foolish/Wise Listen to wisdom

12 16 Foolish/Wise Self-Control

12 23 Foolish/Wise Speech

13 1 Foolish/Wise Listen to wisdom

13 13 Foolish/Wise Listen to wisdom

13 14 Foolish/Wise Listen to wisdom

13 15 Foolish/Wise Consequences of

13 16 Foolish/Wise Self-Control

13 18 Foolish/Wise Listen to wisdom

14 6 Foolish/Wise Listen to wisdom

14 8 Foolish/Wise Consequences of

14 9 Foolish/Wise God's perspective

14 15 Foolish/Wise Gullibility

14 16 Foolish/Wise Self-Control

359

14 18 Foolish/Wise Consequences of

14 24 Foolish/Wise Consequences of

14 33 Foolish/Wise Desires/Consequences of

14 35 Foolish/Wise Consequences of

15 5 Foolish/Wise Listen to wisdom

15 7 Foolish/Wise Impact to others

15 10 Foolish/Wise Listen to wisdom

15 12 Foolish/Wise Listen to wisdom

15 14 Foolish/Wise Listen to wisdom

15 20 Foolish/Wise Credit/Shame to parents

15 21 Foolish/Wise God's perspective

15 24 Foolish/Wise Life/Death

15 31 Foolish/Wise Listen to wisdom

15 32 Foolish/Wise Listen to wisdom

16 16 Foolish/Wise Comparison to wealth

16 22 Foolish/Wise Listen to wisdom

17 10 Foolish/Wise Listen to wisdom

17 24 Foolish/Wise Listen to wisdom

18 15 Foolish/Wise Listen to wisdom

21 16 Foolish/Wise Life/Death

21 22 Foolish/Wise Wisdom better than strength

22 3 Foolish/Wise Response to danger

27 12 Foolish/Wise Response to danger

29 8 Foolish/Wise Resolving conflict and anger

1 24 Fools/Foolishness Wisdom is inaccessible

1 25 Fools/Foolishness Wisdom is inaccessible

360

1 28 Fools/Foolishness Wisdom is inaccessible

1 29 Fools/Foolishness Did not fear the Lord

1 30 Fools/Foolishness Wisdom is inaccessible

1 31 Fools/Foolishness Consequences of

1 32 Fools/Foolishness Consequences of

14 7 Fools/Foolishness Don't associate

17 12 Fools/Foolishness Impact to others

17 16 Fools/Foolishness Listen to wisdom

17 21 Fools/Foolishness Credit/Shame to parents

17 25 Fools/Foolishness Credit/Shame to parents

18 2 Fools/Foolishness Expresses his opinion in speech

19 3 Fools/Foolishness Consequences of

19 10 Fools/Foolishness Will not live in luxury

19 13 Fools/Foolishness Impact to others

19 26 Fools/Foolishness Credit/Shame to parents

19 29 Fools/Foolishness Consequences of

20 25 Fools/Foolishness Rash vows

23 9 Fools/Foolishness Spurns insight

24 7 Fools/Foolishness Wisdom is inaccessible

26 1 Fools/Foolishness Don’t deserve honor

26 3 Fools/Foolishness Discipline him

26 4 Fools/Foolishness Don’t answer him

26 5 Fools/Foolishness Reprove him

26 6 Fools/Foolishness Don’t associate

26 7 Fools/Foolishness Wisdom is inaccessible

26 8 Fools/Foolishness Don’t deserve honor

361

26 9 Fools/Foolishness Wisdom is inaccessible (also drunkenness)

26 10 Fools/Foolishness Don’t associate (also drunkenness)

26 11 Fools/Foolishness Returns to his folly

27 3 Fools/Foolishness Impact to others

27 22 Fools/Foolishness Returns to his folly

29 1 Fools/Foolishness Wisdom is inaccessible

13 20 Friendship Peer pressure

17 17 Friendship in adversity

18 24 Friendship Find true friends, not acquaintances

25 17 Friendship Don’t overstay your welcome

25 19 Friendship Don’t trust the treacherous

27 5 Friendship Better is open rebuke than hidden love

27 6 Friendship Faithful are the wounds of a friend

27 9 Friendship Counsel

27 10 Friendship Don’t stray from home

27 14 Friendship Be considerate of your neighbor

27 17 Friendship Iron sharpens iron

28 23 Friendship Rebuke, better than flattery

29 5 Friendship Flattery

3 19 God is creator By wisdom

3 20 God is creator By wisdom

8 22 God is creator Wisdom was present before creation

8 23 God is creator Wisdom was present before creation

8 24 God is creator Wisdom was present before creation

8 25 God is creator Wisdom was present before creation

8 26 God is creator Wisdom was present before creation

362

8 27 God is creator Wisdom was present at creation

8 28 God is creator Wisdom was present at creation

8 29 God is creator Wisdom was present at creation

8 30 God is creator Wisdom was present at creation

8 31 God is creator Wisdom was present at creation

16 4 God is creator Eternal perspective

20 12 God is creator God made the ear and eye

29 13 God is creator Don’t oppress the poor

30 19 God is creator Listen to wisdom

30 25 God is creator Plan ahead for the future

30 26 God is creator Wisdom better than strength

30 27 God is creator Industrious without a leader

30 28 God is creator Honor better than size

30 30 God is creator Courage and strength

30 31 God is creator Confidence in oneself

3 5 God is faithful Trust in the Lord

16 20 God is faithful Patience

3 11 God is Father God's discipline

3 12 God is Father God's love

16 11 God is just Honest business practices

17 15 God is just Righteous/Wicked

17 26 God is just Righteous/Wicked

18 5 God is just Righteous/Wicked

20 10 God is just Honest business practices

20 22 God is just Don’t seek revenge

21 12 God is just Righteous/Wicked

363

23 11 God is just Consequences of

24 17 God is just Don’t seek revenge

24 18 God is just Consequences of revenge

29 26 God is just God's justice

8 17 God is love Wisdom loves those who love her

20 27 God is omniscient Conscience

3 26 God is protector Listen to wisdom

4 6 God is protector Listen to wisdom

4 12 God is protector Listen to wisdom

18 10 God is protector Refuge of the righteous

2 6 God is wise God's wisdom

2 7 God is wise God's righteousness

2 8 God is wise God's protection

2 9 God is wise God's righteousness

2 10 God is wise God's wisdom

2 11 God is wise God's protection

17 3 God is wise The Lord tests the heart

11 20 God's perspective Righteous/Wicked

12 2 God's perspective Righteous/Wicked

14 2 God's perspective Righteous/Wicked

15 8 God's perspective Righteous/Wicked

15 9 God's perspective Righteous/Wicked

15 29 God's perspective Righteous/Wicked

1 1 Introduction The proverbs of Solomon

22 17 Introduction Words of the wise

25 1 Introduction Men of Hezekiah

364

30 1 Introduction The words of Agur

30 18 Introduction Listen to wisdom

30 21 Introduction Listen to wisdom

30 24 Introduction Listen to wisdom

30 29 Introduction Listen to wisdom

31 1 Introduction The words of King Lemuel

8 15 Justice Of leaders

8 16 Justice Of leaders

13 23 Justice Don’t oppress the poor

20 8 Justice Of leaders

20 26 Justice Of leaders

24 11 Justice Rescue people from death

24 23 Justice Show no partiality

24 24 Justice Show no partiality

28 4 Justice Righteous/Wicked

28 5 Justice Righteous/Wicked

28 16 Justice Of leaders

29 4 Justice Of leaders

29 7 Justice Don’t oppress the poor

29 14 Justice Don’t oppress the poor

31 8 Justice Don’t oppress the poor

31 9 Justice Don’t oppress the poor

1 2 Listen to wisdom Wisdom, instruction, insight

1 3 Listen to wisdom Wise dealing: righteousness, justice, equity

1 4 Listen to wisdom For the simple & the youth

1 5 Listen to wisdom Plans/Guidance for the wise & understanding

365

1 6 Listen to wisdom In proverbs, sayings, wise words, & riddles

1 8 Listen to wisdom Credit/Shame to parents

1 9 Listen to wisdom Consequences of

1 20 Listen to wisdom Calls aloud in public

1 21 Listen to wisdom Calls aloud in public

1 22 Listen to wisdom For the simple, scoffers, and fools

1 23 Listen to wisdom Learn from reproof

1 26 Listen to wisdom Or she will laugh when calamity comes

1 27 Listen to wisdom Or she will laugh when calamity comes

1 33 Listen to wisdom Consequences of; Anxiety

2 1 Listen to wisdom Study and memorize wisdom

2 2 Listen to wisdom Incline your heart and ears to wisdom

2 3 Listen to wisdom Pray for wisdom

2 4 Listen to wisdom Seek wisdom as for hidden treasures

2 5 Listen to wisdom Fear of the Lord

3 1 Listen to wisdom Obedience

3 2 Listen to wisdom Long life and peace

3 3 Listen to wisdom Steadfast love and faithfulness

3 4 Listen to wisdom Favor with God and man

3 6 Listen to wisdom Straight paths

3 7 Listen to wisdom Fear of the Lord

3 8 Listen to wisdom Physical healing and refreshment

3 9 Listen to wisdom Honor the Lord with your wealth

3 10 Listen to wisdom Leads to wealth

3 13 Listen to wisdom Blessings from the Lord

3 14 Listen to wisdom Wisdom better than wealth

366

3 15 Listen to wisdom Wisdom better than wealth

3 16 Listen to wisdom Long life, wealth, and honor

3 17 Listen to wisdom Pleasantness and peace (no conflict)

3 18 Listen to wisdom Tree of life

3 21 Listen to wisdom Obedience

3 22 Listen to wisdom Life for your soul

3 23 Listen to wisdom Protection and security

3 24 Listen to wisdom Sweet sleep without fear

3 25 Listen to wisdom No fear of ruin

4 1 Listen to wisdom Counsel

4 2 Listen to wisdom Counsel

4 3 Listen to wisdom As a child

4 4 Listen to wisdom Obedience

4 5 Listen to wisdom With urgency

4 7 Listen to wisdom With urgency

4 8 Listen to wisdom Blessings from the Lord

4 9 Listen to wisdom Blessings from the Lord

4 10 Listen to wisdom Long life

4 11 Listen to wisdom Leads to righteousness

4 13 Listen to wisdom With urgency

4 18 Listen to wisdom Leads to righteousness

4 20 Listen to wisdom Counsel

4 21 Listen to wisdom Keep truth within your heart

4 22 Listen to wisdom Life and healing

5 1 Listen to wisdom Counsel

5 2 Listen to wisdom Discretion & knowledge

367

5 7 Listen to wisdom Counsel

6 20 Listen to wisdom Counsel

6 21 Listen to wisdom Treasure wisdom

6 22 Listen to wisdom At all times

6 23 Listen to wisdom Learn from reproof

7 1 Listen to wisdom Counsel

7 2 Listen to wisdom Treasure wisdom

7 3 Listen to wisdom Treasure wisdom

7 4 Listen to wisdom Treasure wisdom

7 24 Listen to wisdom Counsel

8 1 Listen to wisdom Calls aloud in public

8 2 Listen to wisdom Calls aloud in public

8 3 Listen to wisdom Calls aloud in public

8 4 Listen to wisdom Calls aloud in public

8 5 Listen to wisdom For the simple and the fool

8 6 Listen to wisdom Leads to righteousness

8 7 Listen to wisdom Leads to righteousness

8 8 Listen to wisdom Leads to righteousness

8 9 Listen to wisdom Leads to righteousness

8 10 Listen to wisdom Wisdom better than wealth

8 11 Listen to wisdom Wisdom better than wealth

8 12 Listen to wisdom Prudence, knowledge, discretion

8 14 Listen to wisdom Counsel and strength

8 18 Listen to wisdom Leads to wealth

8 19 Listen to wisdom Wisdom better than wealth

8 20 Listen to wisdom Leads to righteousness

368

8 21 Listen to wisdom Leads to wealth

8 32 Listen to wisdom Treasure wisdom

8 33 Listen to wisdom Learn and obey

8 34 Listen to wisdom Blessings from the Lord

8 35 Listen to wisdom Life and favor from the Lord

8 36 Listen to wisdom Life/Death

9 1 Listen to wisdom Personified as a woman

9 2 Listen to wisdom Prepares a banquet

9 3 Listen to wisdom Calls aloud in public

9 4 Listen to wisdom For the simple and the fool

9 5 Listen to wisdom Prepares a banquet

9 6 Listen to wisdom Leads to life and insight

9 7 Listen to wisdom Learn from reproof

9 8 Listen to wisdom Learn from reproof

9 9 Listen to wisdom Embraced by the wise

9 11 Listen to wisdom Long life

16 31 Listen to wisdom Gray hair of the old deserving of honor

19 8 Listen to wisdom Consequences of

19 16 Listen to wisdom Life/Death

19 20 Listen to wisdom Consequences of

19 25 Listen to wisdom Learn from reproof

19 27 Listen to wisdom Consequences of

20 29 Listen to wisdom Strength of the young and wisdom of the old

21 11 Listen to wisdom Learn from reproof

23 15 Listen to wisdom Credit/Shame to parents

23 22 Listen to wisdom Credit/Shame to parents

369

24 5 Listen to wisdom Wisdom better than strength

24 13 Listen to wisdom Tastes like honey

24 14 Listen to wisdom Future and hope

25 2 Listen to wisdom Seek it out

25 3 Listen to wisdom Heart of leaders unsearchable

27 11 Listen to wisdom Credit/Shame to parents

28 2 Listen to wisdom Leads to long life

28 9 Listen to wisdom Or God will reject your prayers

29 18 Listen to wisdom Leads to righteousness

5 15 Marriage Reserve sex for spouse

5 16 Marriage Reserve sex for spouse

5 17 Marriage Reserve sex for spouse

5 18 Marriage Reserve joy for spouse

5 19 Marriage Reserve pleasure for spouse

12 4 Marriage Impact to others

18 22 Marriage A wife is a good thing

19 14 Marriage Prudent wife from the Lord

21 9 Marriage Quarrelsome wife

21 19 Marriage Quarrelsome wife

25 24 Marriage Quarrelsome wife

27 15 Marriage Quarrelsome wife

27 16 Marriage Quarrelsome wife

31 10 Marriage An excellent wife better than jewels

31 11 Marriage Trusted by her husband; Blesses him with gain

31 12 Marriage Always does him good, not harm

31 13 Marriage Diligent; takes initiative

370

31 14 Marriage Industrious; innovative

31 15 Marriage Rises early to provide for her family

31 16 Marriage Intelligent; business-minded; future-thinking

31 17 Marriage Strong

31 18 Marriage Self-confident; works late to finish

31 19 Marriage Diligent; skilled

31 20 Marriage Generous to the poor; compassionate

31 21 Marriage Provides for family; confident for the future

31 22 Marriage Loves beauty and fashion

31 23 Marriage Brings honor to her husband among the elders

31 24 Marriage Industrious; business-minded

31 25 Marriage Strong and dignified; confident for the future

31 26 Marriage Speaks wisely; teaches with kindness

31 27 Marriage Looks well after the household; not idle

31 28 Marriage Praised by her children and husband

31 29 Marriage Surpassing in excellence

31 30 Marriage Fears the Lord

31 31 Marriage Deserving of honor and reward

1 11 Murderers Don’t associate

1 12 Murderers Don’t associate

1 16 Murderers Don’t associate

1 17 Murderers Consequences of

1 18 Murderers Don’t associate

4 17 Murderers Seek violence

28 17 Murderers Consequences of

29 10 Murderers Wicked hate the righteous

371

30 14 Murderers Don’t oppress the poor

4 25 Plans Look directly forward

4 26 Plans Ponder your steps

4 27 Plans Turn away from evil

11 3 Plans Guidance of the righteous and wicked

11 14 Plans Abundance of counselors

12 26 Plans Guidance of the righteous and wicked

15 22 Plans Listen to wisdom

16 1 Plans Eternal perspective

16 2 Plans Eternal perspective

16 3 Plans Eternal perspective

16 9 Plans Eternal perspective

16 25 Plans Eternal perspective

16 33 Plans Eternal perspective

19 2 Plans Desires/Consequences of

19 21 Plans God's sovereignty

20 18 Plans Listen to wisdom

20 24 Plans God's sovereignty

21 1 Plans God's sovereignty

21 2 Plans God's omniscience

21 5 Plans Give thought to your plans

21 29 Plans Give thought to your plans

21 30 Plans God's sovereignty

21 31 Plans God's sovereignty

24 6 Plans Abundance of counselors

27 1 Plans Boasting

372

3 34 Proud/Humble Consequences of

11 2 Proud/Humble Consequences of

13 10 Proud/Humble Listen to wisdom

14 12 Proud/Humble Stubborn self-dependence

15 25 Proud/Humble Fear of the Lord

16 5 Proud/Humble Consequences of

16 18 Proud/Humble Pride goes before destruction

16 19 Proud/Humble Wealth

18 12 Proud/Humble Consequences of

21 4 Proud/Humble Sinful

21 24 Proud/Humble Scoffing

25 6 Proud/Humble Don’t elevate your position

25 7 Proud/Humble Let someone else exalt you

25 14 Proud/Humble Boasting is bluster; unreliable employees

25 27 Proud/Humble Don’t seek your own glory

26 12 Proud/Humble Wise in his own eyes

27 2 Proud/Humble Let another praise you

27 21 Proud/Humble A man is tested by his response to praise

28 26 Proud/Humble Wise in his own eyes

29 9 Proud/Humble Wise in his own eyes

29 23 Proud/Humble Consequences of

30 12 Proud/Humble Clean in his own eyes

30 13 Proud/Humble Lofty in his own eyes

21 3 Salvation/Sanctification Righteousness better than sacrifice

21 27 Salvation/Sanctification Righteousness better than sacrifice

28 13 Salvation/Sanctification Confession leads to mercy

373

13 19 Self-Control Desires/Consequences of

17 27 Self-Control Speech and spirit

25 28 Self-Control Like a city without walls

4 24 Speech Put away deception

10 6 Speech Righteous/Wicked

10 10 Speech Consequences of

10 11 Speech Impact to others

10 13 Speech Wise/Foolish

10 14 Speech Wise/Foolish

10 18 Speech Slander/Deception

10 19 Speech Self-Control

10 20 Speech Righteous/Wicked

10 21 Speech Righteous/Wicked

10 31 Speech Righteous/Wicked

10 32 Speech Righteous/Wicked

11 9 Speech Impact to others

11 12 Speech Self-Control

11 13 Speech Slander/Self-Control

12 6 Speech Righteous/Wicked

12 14 Speech Consequences of

12 18 Speech Impact to others

13 3 Speech Self-Control

13 17 Speech Delivering a message

14 3 Speech Wise/Foolish

15 2 Speech Wise/Foolish

15 4 Speech Impact to others

374

15 23 Speech Timing of

15 26 Speech Righteous/Wicked

15 28 Speech Righteous/Wicked

16 10 Speech Authority

16 13 Speech Righteous/Wicked

16 21 Speech Persuasiveness

16 23 Speech Persuasiveness

16 24 Speech Persuasiveness

16 27 Speech Righteous/Wicked

16 28 Speech Gossip stirs up conflict

17 4 Speech Gossip listened to by the wicked

17 7 Speech Reflects the speaker

17 9 Speech Gossip stirs up conflict

17 28 Speech Even a silent fool seems wise

18 4 Speech Impact to others

18 6 Speech Stirs up conflict

18 7 Speech Consequences of

18 8 Speech Gossip stirs up conflict

18 13 Speech Listen before answering

18 17 Speech Listen to both parties

18 20 Speech Satisfies a man's stomach?

18 21 Speech Life/Death

19 28 Speech Mocking and wickedness

20 15 Speech Wisdom better than jewels

20 19 Speech Gossip/Slander

21 23 Speech Even a silent fool seems wise

375

23 16 Speech Credit/Shame to parents

24 26 Speech Honest speech blesses others

25 13 Speech Blessing to the hearer; reliable employees

25 15 Speech Persuade through patience & gentleness

25 23 Speech Gossip stirs up conflict

25 25 Speech Blessing to the hearer

26 2 Speech A causeless curse does not alight

26 18 Speech Consequences of

26 19 Speech Foolish joking

26 20 Speech Gossip stirs up conflict

26 21 Speech Gossip stirs up conflict

26 22 Speech Gossip

29 20 Speech Don’t be hasty to speak

30 10 Speech Slander

30 11 Speech Credit/Shame to parents

30 32 Speech Don’t boast or scheme

1 13 Thieves Don’t associate

1 14 Thieves Don’t associate

1 19 Thieves Consequences of

6 30 Thieves Stealing a wife worse than stealing bread

6 31 Thieves Consequences of

29 24 Thieves Don’t associate

6 1 Wealth Greedy speculation; surety

6 2 Wealth Greedy speculation; surety

6 3 Wealth Greedy speculation; surety

6 4 Wealth Greedy speculation; surety

376

6 5 Wealth Greedy speculation; surety

10 15 Wealth Confidence in

10 16 Wealth Righteous/Wicked

10 22 Wealth Blessings from the Lord

11 4 Wealth Eternal perspective

11 15 Wealth Greedy speculation; surety

11 24 Wealth Generosity

11 25 Wealth Generosity

11 26 Wealth Impact to others

11 28 Wealth Dependence on

12 9 Wealth Proud/Humble

13 8 Wealth Anxiety

13 11 Wealth Easy come, Easy go

13 22 Wealth Inheritance

14 20 Wealth Attracts friends

14 21 Wealth Generosity

14 31 Wealth Generosity

15 17 Wealth Love/Hatred

15 27 Wealth Greed

16 8 Wealth Righteous/Wicked

17 1 Wealth Peace/Conflict

17 2 Wealth Inheritance to faithful servant, not shameful son

17 5 Wealth Don’t oppress the poor

17 8 Wealth Persuasion through bribery

17 18 Wealth Greedy speculation; surety

17 23 Wealth Persuasion through bribery

377

18 11 Wealth False protection

18 16 Wealth Persuasion through bribery

18 23 Wealth Impact to others

19 4 Wealth Attracts friends

19 6 Wealth Attracts friends

19 7 Wealth Attracts friends

19 17 Wealth Generosity

20 13 Wealth Reward of diligent

20 16 Wealth Greedy speculation; surety

21 13 Wealth Don’t oppress the poor

21 20 Wealth Budget wisely

22 1 Wealth Good name better than wealth

22 2 Wealth Both rich and poor created by God

22 7 Wealth Rich rule over the poor

22 9 Wealth Generosity

22 16 Wealth Don’t oppress the poor

22 22 Wealth Don’t oppress the poor

22 23 Wealth God's justice

22 26 Wealth Greedy speculation; surety

22 27 Wealth Consequences of

23 4 Wealth Desire

23 5 Wealth Fleeting

27 13 Wealth Greedy speculation; surety

27 23 Wealth Budget wisely

27 24 Wealth Budget wisely

27 25 Wealth Plan ahead for the future

378

27 26 Wealth Plan ahead for the future

27 27 Wealth Plan ahead for the future

28 3 Wealth Don’t oppress the poor

28 6 Wealth Better poor, than wicked

28 8 Wealth Taken from the wicked; Given to the generous

28 11 Wealth Better poor, than wicked

28 20 Wealth Desires/Consequences of

28 21 Wealth Show no partiality

28 22 Wealth Desires/Consequences of

28 25 Wealth Greed

28 27 Wealth Generosity

30 7 Wealth Two prayer requests of God

30 8 Wealth Give me neither poverty nor riches

30 9 Wealth Eternal perspective

1 10 Wicked Don’t associate

1 15 Wicked Don’t associate

2 12 Wicked Perverted speech

2 13 Wicked Delight in evil

2 14 Wicked Delight in evil

2 15 Wicked Perverted paths

4 14 Wicked Don’t associate

4 15 Wicked Don’t associate

4 16 Wicked Delight in evil

4 19 Wicked Consequences of

6 13 Wicked Wicked plot evil

6 14 Wicked Perverted heart

379

6 15 Wicked Consequences of

6 16 Wicked Abominations to the Lord

6 17 Wicked Pride, deception, murder

6 18 Wicked Delight in evil

11 7 Wicked Loss of hope

17 11 Wicked Rebellion

17 13 Wicked Return evil for good

18 3 Wicked Consequences of

20 9 Wicked All are sinners at heart

21 7 Wicked Consequences of

21 10 Wicked No mercy

22 8 Wicked Consequences of

24 2 Wicked Desires/Consequences of

24 8 Wicked Plans

24 9 Wicked Plans

24 15 Wicked Don’t associate

24 20 Wicked Consequences of

24 21 Wicked Don’t associate

24 22 Wicked Consequences of

24 25 Wicked Need reproof

28 15 Wicked Of leaders

2 20 Wicked/Righteous Consequences of

2 21 Wicked/Righteous Consequences of

2 22 Wicked/Righteous Consequences of

3 27 Wicked/Righteous Don’t withhold good; sins of omission

3 33 Wicked/Righteous Consequences of

380

10 2 Wicked/Righteous Consequences of

10 3 Wicked/Righteous Consequences of

10 7 Wicked/Righteous Memory of; legacy

10 9 Wicked/Righteous Conscience

10 17 Wicked/Righteous Listen to wisdom

10 24 Wicked/Righteous Desires/Consequences of; Anxiety

10 25 Wicked/Righteous Consequences of

10 28 Wicked/Righteous Desires; Hope; Joy

10 29 Wicked/Righteous Consequences of

10 30 Wicked/Righteous Consequences of

11 5 Wicked/Righteous Consequences of

11 6 Wicked/Righteous Consequences of

11 8 Wicked/Righteous Consequences of

11 10 Wicked/Righteous Impact to others

11 11 Wicked/Righteous Impact to others

11 16 Wicked/Righteous Consequences of graciousness & violence

11 17 Wicked/Righteous Consequences of kindness and cruelty

11 18 Wicked/Righteous Consequences of

11 19 Wicked/Righteous Consequences of

11 21 Wicked/Righteous Consequences of

11 23 Wicked/Righteous Desires/Consequences of

11 27 Wicked/Righteous Desires/Consequences of

11 30 Wicked/Righteous Leads to the tree of life

11 31 Wicked/Righteous Consequences of

12 3 Wicked/Righteous Consequences of

12 5 Wicked/Righteous Thoughts

381

12 7 Wicked/Righteous Consequences of

12 10 Wicked/Righteous Mercy

12 12 Wicked/Righteous Desires/Consequences of

12 13 Wicked/Righteous Speech

12 21 Wicked/Righteous Consequences of

12 28 Wicked/Righteous Leads to eternal life

13 2 Wicked/Righteous Desires/Consequences of

13 5 Wicked/Righteous Desires/Consequences of

13 6 Wicked/Righteous Consequences of

13 9 Wicked/Righteous Consequences of

13 21 Wicked/Righteous Consequences of

14 11 Wicked/Righteous Consequences of

14 14 Wicked/Righteous Consequences of

14 19 Wicked/Righteous Consequences of

14 22 Wicked/Righteous Consequences of

14 32 Wicked/Righteous Consequences of

14 34 Wicked/Righteous Wickedness a reproach

15 6 Wicked/Righteous Wealth

16 12 Wicked/Righteous Desires/Consequences of

16 17 Wicked/Righteous Life/Death

16 29 Wicked/Righteous Impact to others

19 1 Wicked/Righteous Better poor, than wicked

20 30 Wicked/Righteous Consequences of

21 8 Wicked/Righteous Reflects the speaker

21 15 Wicked/Righteous Justice

21 18 Wicked/Righteous Consequences of

382

21 21 Wicked/Righteous Consequences of kindness and righteousness

22 5 Wicked/Righteous Consequences of

22 11 Wicked/Righteous Purity; gracious speech; attracts friends

24 16 Wicked/Righteous Consequences of

25 4 Wicked/Righteous Remove the dross from silver

25 5 Wicked/Righteous Remove the wicked

25 26 Wicked/Righteous Evil muddies the water

28 10 Wicked/Righteous Consequences of

28 12 Wicked/Righteous Impact to others

28 14 Wicked/Righteous Consequences of

28 18 Wicked/Righteous Consequences of

28 28 Wicked/Righteous Of leaders

29 2 Wicked/Righteous Of leaders

29 6 Wicked/Righteous Consequences of

29 16 Wicked/Righteous Consequences of

29 27 Wicked/Righteous Both despise the other

383

APPENDIX 4: MEMORY VERSES FROM PROVERBS

Proverbs 1:7-8 The fear of the LORD is the beginning of knowledge; fools despise wisdom and instruction. Hear, my son, your father's instruction, and forsake not your mother's teaching.

Proverbs 1:33 But whoever listens to me will dwell secure and will be at ease, without dread of disaster.

Proverbs 2:6-8 For the LORD gives wisdom; from his mouth come knowledge and understanding; he stores up sound wisdom for the upright; he is a shield to those who walk in integrity, guarding the paths of justice and watching over the way of his saints.

Proverbs 3:5-7 Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths. Be not wise in your own eyes; fear the LORD, and turn away from evil.

Proverbs 3:19-20 The LORD by wisdom founded the earth; by understanding he established the heavens; by his knowledge the deeps broke open, and the clouds drop down the dew.

Proverbs 4:23 Keep your heart with all vigilance, for from it flow the springs of life.

Proverbs 5:18 Let your fountain be blessed, and rejoice in the wife of your youth.

Proverbs 6:6 Go to the ant, O sluggard; consider her ways, and be wise.

Proverbs 6:27-29 Can a man carry fire next to his chest and his clothes not be burned? Or can one walk on hot coals and his feet not be scorched? So is he who goes in to his neighbor's wife; none who touches her will go unpunished.

Proverbs 7:4-5 Say to wisdom, "You are my sister," and call insight your intimate friend, to keep you from the forbidden woman, from the adulteress with her smooth words.

Proverbs 8:34-35 Blessed is the one who listens to me, watching daily at my gates, waiting beside my doors. For whoever finds me finds life and obtains favor from the LORD.

Proverbs 9:10 The fear of the LORD is the beginning of wisdom, and the knowledge of the Holy One is insight.

Proverbs 12:1 Whoever loves discipline loves knowledge, but he who hates reproof is stupid.

Proverbs 12:18 There is one whose rash words are like sword thrusts, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.

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Proverbs 12:22 Lying lips are an abomination to the LORD, but those who act faithfully are his delight.

Proverbs 13:14 The teaching of the wise is a fountain of life, that one may turn away from the snares of death.

Proverbs 13:20 Whoever walks with the wise becomes wise, but the companion of fools will suffer harm.

Proverbs 13:24 Whoever spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is diligent to discipline him.

Proverbs 15:1 A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.

Proverbs 15:16 Better is a little with the fear of the LORD than great treasure and trouble with it.

Proverbs 15:33 The fear of the LORD is instruction in wisdom, and humility comes before honor.

Proverbs 16:3 Commit your work to the LORD, and your plans will be established.

Proverbs 16:6 By steadfast love and faithfulness iniquity is atoned for, and by the fear of the LORD one turns away from evil.

Proverbs 16:9 The heart of man plans his way, but the LORD establishes his steps.

Proverbs 16:18 Pride goes before destruction, and a haughty spirit before a fall.

Proverbs 17:17 A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity.

Proverbs 17:22 A joyful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones.

Proverbs 18:10 The name of the LORD is a strong tower; the righteous man runs into it and is safe.

Proverbs 18:14 A man's spirit will endure sickness, but a crushed spirit who can bear?

Proverbs 18:19 A brother offended is more unyielding than a strong city, and quarreling is like the bars of a castle.

Proverbs 18:21 Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruits.

Proverbs 18:22 He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the LORD.

Proverbs 18:24 A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.

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Proverbs 19:21 Many are the plans in the mind of a man, but it is the purpose of the LORD that will stand.

Proverbs 20:1 Wine is a mocker, strong drink a brawler, and whoever is led astray by it is not wise.

Proverbs 20:11 Even a child makes himself known by his acts, by whether his conduct is pure and upright.

Proverbs 20:22 Do not say, "I will repay evil"; wait for the LORD, and he will deliver you.

Proverbs 21:1 The king's heart is a stream of water in the hand of the LORD; he turns it wherever he will.

Proverbs 22:6, 15 Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it. . . . Folly is bound up in the heart of a child, but the rod of discipline drives it far from him.

Proverbs 23:26 My son, give me your heart, and let your eyes observe my ways.

Proverbs 24:3-4 By wisdom a house is built, and by understanding it is established; by knowledge the rooms are filled with all precious and pleasant riches.

Proverbs 24:33-34 A little sleep, a little slumber, a little folding of the hands to rest, and poverty will come upon you like a robber, and want like an armed man.

Proverbs 25:24 It is better to live in a corner of the housetop than in a house shared with a quarrelsome wife.

Proverbs 26:20 For lack of wood the fire goes out, and where there is no whisperer, quarreling ceases.

Proverbs 27:17 Iron sharpens iron, and one man sharpens another.

Proverbs 28:1 The wicked flee when no one pursues, but the righteous are bold as a lion.

Proverbs 28:13 Whoever conceals his transgressions will not prosper, but he who confesses and forsakes them will obtain mercy.

Proverbs 29:25 The fear of man lays a snare, but whoever trusts in the LORD is safe.

Proverbs 30:5 Every word of God proves true; he is a shield to those who take refuge in him.

Proverbs 31:30 Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.

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APPENDIX 5: “BETTER THAN” COMPARISONS

There are twenty-one wisdom statements in Proverbs based on the Hebrew word tov which means, “good.” Used comparatively it means “better than.”27 The following groups these “better than” comparisons topically.

Wisdom is better than Wealth • Proverbs 3:13-14 Blessed is the one who finds wisdom, and the one who gets understanding, for the gain from her is better than gain from silver and her profit better than gold. • Proverbs 8:11 For wisdom is better than jewels, and all that you may desire cannot compare with her. • Proverbs 8:19 My fruit is better than gold, even fine gold, and my yield than choice silver. • Proverbs 15:16 Better is a little with the fear of the LORD than great treasure and trouble with it. • Proverbs 16:16 How much better to get wisdom than gold! To get understanding is to be chosen rather than silver.

Righteousness is better than Injustice • Proverbs 16:8 Better is a little with righteousness than great revenues with injustice.

Humility is better than Pride • Proverbs 12:9 Better to be lowly and have a servant than to play the great man and lack bread. • Proverbs 16:19 It is better to be of a lowly spirit with the poor than to divide the spoil with the proud. • Proverbs 25:7a For it is better to be told, “Come up here,” than to be put lower in the presence of a noble.

Self-Control is better than Anger • Proverbs 15:17 Better is a dinner of herbs where love is than a fattened ox and hatred with it. • Proverbs 16:32 Whoever is slow to anger is better than the mighty, and he who rules his spirit than he who takes a city.

27 “Better than” comparisons may be considered a kind of antithetical parallelism to show the relative value of two things.

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• Proverbs 17:1 Better is a dry morsel with quiet than a house full of feasting with strife.

Peace at Home is better than Quarreling • Proverbs 21:9 It is better to live in a corner of the housetop than in a house shared with a quarrelsome wife. • Proverbs 21:19 It is better to live in a desert land than with a quarrelsome and fretful woman. • Proverbs 25:24 It is better to live in a corner of the housetop than in a house shared with a quarrelsome wife.

Truth is better than Deception • Proverbs 19:1 Better is a poor person who walks in his integrity than one who is crooked in speech and is a fool. • Proverbs 19:22 What is desired in a man is steadfast love, and a poor man is better than a liar. • Proverbs 22:1 A good name is to be chosen rather than great riches, and favor is better than silver or gold. • Proverbs 27:5 Better is open rebuke than hidden love. • Proverbs 28:6 Better is a poor man who walks in his integrity than a rich man who is crooked in his ways.

Faithfulness is better than Unreliability • Proverbs 27:10 Do not forsake your friend and your father's friend, and do not go to your brother's house in the day of your calamity. Better is a neighbor who is near than a brother who is far away.

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APPENDIX 6: VARIOUS KINDS OF FOOLS1

Proverbs is a book of people, painting in broad brush strokes the various kinds of individuals we encounter in daily life. Some are wise and some are fools. The question comes then: “Which kind of person are you? Are you wise or a particular kind of fool?” There are many kinds of fools at different stages of their folly. The book of Proverbs describes these various kinds of fools.

The Simple The first is the simple fool (pethîy) who lacks knowledge and discretion (Prov 1:4). He opens his mind to any passing thought and opens his arms to any passing stranger (7:6-27). The simpleminded are not intentionally wicked, but rather untrained and unthoughtful: “The simple believes everything, but the prudent gives thought to his steps” (14:15). As Charles Bridges writes, “To believe every word of God is faith. To believe every word of man is credulity.” The simple love their simplicity (1:22) at the expense of wisdom and prudence (v. 4). To them, tolerance means accepting everyone’s opinions instead of forming solid convictions. They do not stand for anything, so they will fall for everything. They do not bother to think and pray, to study and seek God’s wisdom (2:1-9). They merely listen to the loudest voice. So the adulteress leads the simple young man like an ox to the slaughter (7:7ff), for “the simple inherit folly, but the prudent are crowned with knowledge” (14:18). “The prudent sees danger and hides himself, but the simple go on and suffer for it” (22:3; 27:12). He fails to recognize the cause-and-effect nature of his actions. Like Ebenezer Scrooge, he bears the chains far longer and far heavier than Jacob Marley’s, for his towering debt will soon come crashing down. Only then will he realize his great miscalculation of mistaking God’s patience for acquiescence (see Ps 50:21; Rom 2:4). He will discover the endless misery

1 Adapted from Warren Wiersbe, Be Skillful, 66–67.

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of the saddest words in the English language: “Too late.” The simple fool must learn from Wisdom (Prov 19:25a) before he goes the way of Folly.

The Senseless The second fool is the senseless fool (’eviyl) determined in his madness until his mouth runs him into trouble (10:14). He spouts anger when people and circumstances do not go his way (27:3) because he is certain his way is always right (12:15). He is self- sufficient and self-destructive, pridefully despising wisdom and instruction (1:7b). “For the word of the cross is folly to those who are perishing, but to us who are being saved it is the power of God” (1 Cor 1:18). He thinks he does not need the Lord and that he’s doing well enough on his own. For if this life is all there is, he’s got it figured out. He’s betting against the house and has counted off eternity, yet he does not know that first comes death and then the judgment (Heb 9:27). Many fools have lost hope for change: “Crush a fool in a mortar with a pestle along with crushed grain, yet his folly will not depart from him” (Prov 27:22). We cannot remove folly from a fool though we grind him like pepper. So unless the fool repents and turns to the Lord, he will live enslaved (11:29) and “die for lack of discipline” (5:23).

The Sensual The third fool is the sensual fool (kecîyl) enslaved to his desires and bound to make wrong choices. The previous fool becomes stupid because of his moral perversion. This fool becomes morally perverted because of his stupidity.2 His problem is not ignorance, but more so indolence as he realizes what is right yet refuses to take action. He

2 “Citing texts pertaining to the ʾewîl first and then the kesîl, one notes that both are characterized by ʾiwwelet (“folly”; 6:22 and 14:24; 17:12; 26:4, 5; 26:11), despise discipline and correction (15:5 and 15:20), lack wisdom (10:14, 21 and 14:33), have poor speech (10:8, 10; 17:28; 27:3 and 10:18; 12:23; 15:2; 19:1), lack self-control and are hot tempered (12:16; 20:3 and 19:11), are morally insolent, intractable, and incorrigible (12:15; 24:7 and 15:14; 17:10; 18:2; 26:5, 11; 28:26). Hopelessly bound to their folly (27:22 and 14:24; 17:10, 16; 23:9; 26:11), they are incapable of managing their homes and finances (11:29 and 21:20), are without honor (20:23; 29:9 and 3:35), and are punished for their folly (10:14; 14:3 and 19:29; 26:3)” (Waltke, NICOT, 1:112).

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chooses the short-term pleasures of sin (Prov 10:23; 13:19-20), and his mouth, like the senseless fool, also runs him into trouble (18:6-7). This fool is proud and self-confident (26:12)—the master of his fate, and the captain of his soul.3 He can neither control his tongue (15:2), nor can he control his temper (29:11). He will squander his wealth (21:20; 29:3; e.g., Luke 15:11-24) and forfeit his responsibilities (Prov 26:1-12). He does not waste his life by hating God, but simply grows complacent like the fat-headed builder in Matthew 7 who ignored the words of Christ. He knows he is a sinner who needs a Savior, yet still he will not act. He plays the fool. So Jesus declares that “everyone who hears these words of mine and does not do them will be like a foolish man who built his house on the sand. And the rain fell, and the floods came, and the winds blew and beat against that house, and it fell, and great was the fall of it” (Matt 7:26-27; see Prov 26:3; 19:9). The sensual fool chooses his own desires over Christ. Thus “a wise son makes a glad father, but a foolish son is a sorrow to his mother” (10:1). Consider the grieving parents of Cain (Gen 4), of Jacob and Esau (Gen 28:6-9), Absalom (2 Sam 15-18) and Rehoboam

(1 Kgs 12). Much better to be David’s father, Jesse, for a wise son brings joy to his father’s heart (Prov 27:11).

The Scoffer The fourth fool is the scoffing fool (lûwts) who laughs at God. He not only rejects the truths of God, but loves what God despises. He does not listen to rebuke

(15:12; 9:7-8) and has no ear for wisdom (14:6). The scoffer in Proverbs thinks he knows everything and that everyone else knows nothing, for “‘Scoffer’ is the name of the arrogant, haughty man who acts with arrogant pride” (21:24). He’s so full of himself that he’s dripping with pride. He will not even listen to his parents: “A wise son hears his father's instruction, but a scoffer does not listen to rebuke” (13:1). A rebellious attitude

3 From William Ernest Henley’s Invictus (1888).

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and talking back to parents is no small matter in the eyes of God, for scoffers tear apart friendships and families. They destroy congregations (22:10) and set cities aflame (29:8). He must be punished in order to spare all those around him from thinking that his way is right (19:25a; 21:11a; 22:10). Therefore, God has chastised scoffers from the Tower of Babel to Belshazzar’s Babylon, from King Herod to the king of Egypt, for “toward the scorners he is scornful, but to the humble he gives favor” (3:34).

The Steadfast

The most hardened is the steadfast fool (nâbâl) “[who] says in his heart, ‘There is no God.’ He will not listen to God or to the counsel of the wise. Their problem is not lack of intelligence, but a heart turned away from God. “There is no fear of God before their eyes” (Rom 3:18), for like the scoffer they are more arrogant than ignorant. They are corrupt, they do abominable deeds, there is none who does good” (Pss 14:1; 53:1). In fact, “folly is a joy to him who lacks sense” (Prov 15:21a). He is the most dangerous and wicked of fools like the appropriately named

Nabal who dishonored David, the Lord’s anointed. Even Abigail, his wife, said of him, “Let not my lord regard this worthless fellow, Nabal, for as his name is, so is he. Nabal is his name, and folly is with him” (1 Sam 25:25a). The infamous Robert Ingersoll (1833- 1899) once publicly shook his fist at God demanding, “If you are real, strike me dead, and I give you thirty seconds to do it.” He then arrogantly took out his watch and timed the God of the Universe. And at the end of thirty seconds, he looked skyward and declared, “God, you do not exist!” This type of fool is self-confident and close-minded.

He wants to take the place of God and like the devil desires to draw as many as possible into his evil ways. We cannot convince him. Attempts at reproof are frustrating and futile. Only God can fully change the heart of the fool who says, “There is no God.”

The Sanctified The final fool (not described in Proverbs) is the only one commended by the 392

Lord. He is the sanctified fool for Christ. For we are at times “foolish ones, and slow of heart to believe all that the prophets have spoken!” (Luke 24:25). Yet in the words of Paul, “We are fools for Christ's sake, but you are wise in Christ” (1 Cor 4:10a). This glorious fool lives wholeheartedly for the sake of Christ who makes us wise. As the missionary, Jim Elliot, so eloquently said, “He is no fool who gives what he cannot keep to gain that which he cannot lose.”4 “Look carefully then how you walk, not as unwise but as wise” (Eph 5:15). For only the sanctified fool for Christ will have Wisdom come to his defense (Prov 3:35). The first step toward wisdom is saving faith in Jesus Christ (2 Tim 3:15), for Christ himself is the Wisdom of God (Col 2:3; 1 Cor 1:30). The wisest action we can ever take is to trust in Christ and to obey him. Wisdom begins with obedience to Christ which shows through godly character. Wise people listen to wise instruction, especially the Word of God (Prov 22:17-21; 19:27). The wise will “hear and increase in learning” (1:5). They “buy truth, and do not sell it; [they] buy wisdom, instruction, and understanding”

(23:23). “The wise lay up knowledge, but the mouth of a fool brings ruin near” (10:14). Like digging for buried treasure, the search for wisdom requires great effort (2:1-9). Wise people discipline their speech: “The heart of the wise makes his speech judicious and adds persuasiveness to his lips” (16:23). “When words are many, transgression is not lacking, but whoever restrains his lips is prudent” (10:19). For “the fruit of the Spirit is . . . self-control” (Gal 5:22–23; see Jas 3; Eph 5:1-7). How we speak and when we speak displays our wisdom. Wise people are also diligent in their work: “A slack hand causes poverty, but the hand of the diligent makes rich. He who gathers in summer is a prudent son, but he who sleeps in harvest is a son who brings shame” (Prov 10:4-5). Wise people influence others to trust the Lord, for “the fruit of the righteous is a tree of life, and whoever captures souls is wise” (11:30). They are “fishers of men” (Luke

4 Elisabeth Elliot, ed. The Journals of Jim Elliot (Grand Rapids: Baker, 1978), 174.

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5:10) who are Jesus to others to bring others to Jesus. Thus God promises in Proverbs that the wise will inherit glory (3:35), bring joy to others (10:1; 15:20), receive help from God (12:18), never be in want (21:10), and gain strength in their pursuits (24:5–6). The way of wisdom is the way of true life.

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APPENDIX 7: MATURITY IN PROVERBS

The book of Proverbs speaks quite a bit about what a mature person looks like and presents us with attributes of maturity so that we can grow toward it ourselves.5 A mature person: • Fears the Lord (1:7; 28:14) • Listens to parents and brings them joy (1:8; 3:1; 4:1, 20; 5:1, 23:24-25) • Strives to learn and understand (2:1-5) • Is not wise in his own eyes (3:5; 26:12) • Accepts discipline and correction graciously (3:11; 9:8-9; 12:1, 15; 13:18; 17:10; 19:20) • Does good to others (3:27; 11:17) • Is sexually pure and faithful (5:15; 6:32; 7:24-27) • Works hard (6:6-11; 10:4; 12:11, 24, 27; 14:23; 28:19) • Pays for what he needs in life (9:17) • Has wise things to say (10:11, 13) • Stops talking when he should (10:19; 11:12-13; 13:3; 14:3; 17:27-28; 21:23; 29:20) • Speaks wisdom at the right time (10:20-21, 31-32; 12:6, 14, 18; 15:1-2, 23, 28; 16:24; 25:11) • Is honest (11:1, 12:17, 19; 13:5; 14:5, 25; 16:13; 27:5-6) • Is humble (11:2; 16:5; 18:12; 25:6; 29:23) • Is generous, especially to the poor (11:24-26; 14:31 19:17; 21:26; 22:9) • Takes care of his animals (12:10) • Chooses good friends (13:20; 17:17; 22:24) • Faithfully parents his children (13:24; 17:6; 22:6) • Is cautious (14:15, 16; 22:3; 27:12) • Is self-controlled (14:17; 25:28; 29:11) • Is slow to anger (14:29; 15:18; 16:32; 19:11) • Commits his work and plans to the Lord (16:3) • Meditates on the Word (16:20) • Is in fellowship with others (18:1) • Takes refuge in the Lord (18:10) • Listens before speaking (18:13) • Lives contentedly within his means (21:17) • Is respected in the community (22:1; 31:23) • Is not a glutton or drunkard (23:2, 20-21; 25:16) • Protects the weak (24:11; 29:7; 31:8-9) • Does not take pleasure in seeing an enemy fall (24:17; 25:21-22) • Obeys civil authorities (24:21)

5 Adapted from http://thechristianpundit.org/2014/01/15/proverbial-maturity.

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• Does not take revenge (24:29) • Is faithful in his work (25:13; 27:18, 23) • Minds his own business (20:16; 26:17; 27:13) • Confesses his sin (28:13)

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APPENDIX 8: COUNSEL FOR PARENTS

John MacArthur presents a top-ten list of truths to teach our children from the book of Proverbs.6 Scripture presents many more truths to teach our children, but parents can start by evaluating how they are doing with these ten. Teach your children:

1. To have a healthy fear of God (1:7; 9:10; 10:27; 14:26-27; 15:16; 16:6; 19:23). “The fear of the LORD is the beginning of knowledge” (v. 7a). It teaches us to know God and what he is like, his attributes and his glory (9:10). The fear of God is faith in God.

2. To guard their minds and hearts. “Let not steadfast love and faithfulness forsake you; bind them around your neck; write them on the tablet of your heart” (3:3). For every word and thought, every action and emotion springs forth from the heart (4:23).

3. To obey you (1:8; 4:1-4; 6:20-23; 30:17). This is the first commandment with a promise. We must not punish them angrily because we demand to be obeyed. We discipline out of love knowing that obedience brings life (3:11; 10:13).

4. To carefully select their companions (1:11-18; 2:10-15; 13:20).

5. To control their sinful desires (2:16-19; 5:3-5; 6:23-33; 7:6-27).

6. To enjoy sexual fidelity (5:15-20).

7. To watch their words (4:24; 10:11, 19-21, 32; 12:18, 22; 15:1-2; 16:23; 20:15).

8. To pursue their work (6:6-11; 10:4-5; 22:29).

9. To manage their money (3:9-10; 11:24-26; 19:17; 22:9).

10. To love their neighbors (3:27-29; 25:21-22).

6 John MacArthur, Sermon on Creating Shade for Your Children (2016). See a similar list by Paul Carter at http://canada.thegospelcoalition.org/ad_fontes/10-parenting-imperatives-book-proverbs.

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Life Application Questions

1. What evidence do you have that “folly is bound up in the heart of a child” (Prov 22:15)? How does this knowledge present a different parenting approach than the view that children inherently good are corrupted by upbringing or environment?

2. How do you intentionally love your child(ren) with your time, speech, example, and behavior? Choose one new way to love your child(ren) this week.

3. Examine your practice of instruction, warning, and discipline. Are you training up your child(ren) in God’s way according to his Word? Are you reaching their heart or only addressing behavior?

4. What are your specific short-term and long-term goals for your child(ren)’s growth in wisdom? Talk to your spouse this week and plan out a strategy for teaching your child(ren) truth from God’s Word.

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APPENDIX 9: WORD STUDY ON THE HEART

The Old Testament uses different terms pointing to the inner man and we find many of these terms in the Proverbs. The following is a more detailed word study on which the preceding synopsis has been based. Hebrew terms have been transliterated and the corresponding English word appears in red.

The Heart (Lev, Levav) The most common term for the inner man in both Proverbs and the whole Old

Testament is lev or levav which means, “heart, soul, mind.” It can describe the middle of a body of water (23:34; 30:19), but usually refers figuratively to the inner man.

Thoughts 1. The heart can receive understanding, knowledge, and intelligence: • “My son, if you receive my words and treasure up my commandments with you, making your ear attentive to wisdom and inclining your heart to understanding” (2:1-2). • “The heart of him who has understanding seeks knowledge, but the mouths of fools feed on folly” (15:14). • “Whoever ignores instruction despises himself, but he who listens to reproof gains intelligence” (15:32). • “An intelligent heart acquires knowledge, and the ear of the wise seeks knowledge” (18:15). • “Incline your ear, and hear the words of the wise, and apply your heart to my knowledge” (22:17). • “Apply your heart to instruction and your ear to words of knowledge” (23:12). 2. The heart can grow in wisdom: • “For wisdom will come into your heart” (2:10a). • The wise are humble: “The wise of heart will receive commandments, but a babbling fool will come to ruin” (10:8). • The wise are rewarded: “Whoever troubles his own household will inherit the wind, and the fool will be servant to the wise of heart” (11:29). • The wise stand out: “Wisdom rests in the heart of a man of understanding, but it makes itself known even in the midst of fools” (14:33). • “The wise of heart is called discerning, and sweetness of speech increases persuasiveness” (16:21). • “The heart of the wise makes his speech judicious and adds persuasiveness to his lips” (16:23). • The wise bring joy to others: “My son, if your heart is wise, my heart too will be glad” (23:15). 399

• “Hear, my son, and be wise, and direct your heart in the way” (23:19). 3. The heart can remember God’s truth: • “Let not steadfast love and faithfulness forsake you; bind them around your neck; write them on the tablet of your heart” (3:3). • “Let them not escape from your sight; keep them within your heart” (4:21). • “My son, keep your father's commandment, and forsake not your mother's teaching. Bind them on your heart always; tie them around your neck” (6:20- 21). • “My son, keep my words and treasure up my commandments with you; keep my commandments and live; keep my teaching as the apple of your eye; bind them on your fingers; write them on the tablet of your heart” (7:1-3). • You can put thoughts in your heart: “Then I saw and considered it [put it in my heart]; I looked and received instruction” (24:32). 4. One who lacks sense is literally, “without heart.” • It describes the one who takes joy in folly: “Folly is a joy to him who lacks sense, but a man of understanding walks straight ahead” (15:21). • It describes the one who follows worthless pursuits: “Whoever works his land will have plenty of bread, but he who follows worthless pursuits lacks sense” (12:11). • He is lazy: “I passed by the field of a sluggard, by the vineyard of a man lacking sense” (24:30). • He is foolish with his finances: “Why should a fool have money in his hand to buy wisdom when he has no sense?” (17:16). “One who lacks sense gives a pledge and puts up security in the presence of his neighbor” (17:18). • He speaks unkindly: “Whoever belittles his neighbor lacks sense, but a man of understanding remains silent” (11:12). • “He who commits adultery lacks sense” (6:32a). “And I have seen among the simple, I have perceived among the youths, a young man lacking sense” (7:7; see 9:4, 16). • Ironically, the one “without heart” can still desire the beauty of the adulteress in his heart: “Do not desire her beauty in your heart, and do not let her capture you with her eyelashes” (6:25). The adulteress herself is wily of heart: “And behold, the woman meets him, dressed as a prostitute, wily of heart” (7:10). Therefore, Solomon warns the heart of his son: “Let not your heart turn aside to her ways; do not stray into her paths” (7:25). • Such a fool will suffer the consequences: “On the lips of him who has understanding, wisdom is found, but a rod is for the back of him who lacks sense” (10:13; see v. 21). 5. One can actually learn sense just as one can lack it: • “O simple ones, learn prudence; O fools, learn sense” (8:5). • Therefore, one can have good sense: “Good sense wins favor, but the way of the treacherous is their ruin” (13:15). • “Whoever gets sense loves his own soul; he who keeps understanding will discover good” (19:8).

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Emotions 1. Contentment: “A tranquil heart gives life to the flesh, but envy makes the bones rot” (14:30). 2. Joy: • Gladness shows in our disposition: “A glad heart makes a cheerful face” (15:13a). • Joy affects our physical health: “A joyful heart is good medicine” (17:22a). • Children can make us glad: “My son, if your heart is wise, my heart too will be glad” (23:15). “Be wise, my son, and make my heart glad, that I may answer him who reproaches me” (27:11). • Friends can make us glad: “Oil and perfume make the heart glad, and the sweetness of a friend comes from his earnest counsel” (27:9). • It can be cheerful: “All the days of the afflicted are evil, but the cheerful of heart has a continual feast” (15:15). • It can delight in the joy of others: “The light of the eyes rejoices the heart, and good news refreshes the bones” (15:30). • We must not be glad in an enemy’s demise: “Do not rejoice when your enemy falls, and let not your heart be glad when he stumbles” (24:17). • Synonyms for “delight, rejoice, covet, love” also speak to the desires of the heart: chamad (1:22; 6:25; 12:12; 21:20), ratzah (3:12), gil (2:14; 23:25; 24:17), sameach (19x), ahav (25x), alas (7:18), etc. 3. Sorrow: • “…but by sorrow of heart the spirit is crushed” (15:13b). • “…but a crushed spirit dries up the bones” (17:22b). • The heart can be heavy: “Whoever sings songs to a heavy heart is like one who takes off a garment on a cold day, and like vinegar on soda” (25:20). • The heart can ache: “Even in laughter the heart may ache, and the end of joy may be grief” (14:13). 4. Despair: • The heart can grow sick with lack of hope: “Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a desire fulfilled is a tree of life” (13:12). • It can experience bitter loss: “The heart knows its own bitterness, and no stranger shares its joy” (14:10). 5. Anxiety and fear: • The heart can be anxious: “Anxiety in a man's heart weighs him down, but a good word makes him glad” (12:25). • The Proverbs use many other words for fear (which is the flipside of desire): yirah (1:7, 29; 2:5; 3:7; 8:13; 9:10; 10:27; 14:26, 27; 15:16, 33; 16:6; 19:23; 22:4; 23:17; 24:21; 29:25), pachad (1:26, 27, 33; 3:24, 25; 28:14), megorah (10:24a), emah (20:2), meqitah (10:14, 15, 29; 13:3; 14:28; 18:7; 21:15), dagah (12:25).

Desires 1. The heart/mind can plan:

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• “The plans of the heart belong to man, but the answer of the tongue is from the LORD” (16:1). • “The heart of man plans his way, but the LORD establishes his steps” (16:9). • “Many are the plans in the mind of a man, but it is the purpose of the LORD that will stand” (19:21). • Yet plans can be diverted: “The king's heart is a stream of water in the hand of the LORD; he turns it wherever he will” (21:1; see 25:3). 2. To set your heart means to pay attention: “Know well the condition of your flocks, and give attention to your herds” (27:23).

Volition 1. The heart can trust: • It can trust the Lord: “Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding” (3:5). • It can trust wise parents: “My son, give me your heart, and let your eyes observe my ways” (23:26). • The husband can trust his excellent wife: “The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain” (31:11). • But do not trust in your own heart: “Whoever trusts in his own mind is a fool, but he who walks in wisdom will be delivered” (28:26). • Synonyms for “trust, confidence, security, rest, lean” also indicate a volitional decision: batach, mibtach (1:33; 3:5, 23, 29; 10:9; 11:15, 28; 14:16, 26; 16:20; 21:22; 22:19; 25:19; 28:1, 25, 26; 29:25; 31:11), nuach (14:33; 21:16; 29:17), lin (15:31; 19:23), shaan (3:5), etc. 2. The heart can obey: • “My son, do not forget my teaching, but let your heart keep my commandments” (3:1). • “When I was a son with my father, tender, the only one in the sight of my mother, he taught me and said to me, ‘Let your heart hold fast my words; keep my commandments, and live’” (4:3-4). 3. Sadly, the heart also has the capacity to disobey: • “And you say, ‘How I hated discipline, and my heart despised reproof!’” (5:12). • No one can say his heart is pure: “Who can say, ‘I have made my heart pure; I am clean from my sin’?” (20:9). • The heart can be hardened: “Blessed is the one who fears the LORD always, but whoever hardens his heart will fall into calamity” (28:14).

Godly Behavior 1. The godly heart produces good words: • “The heart of the wise makes his speech judicious and adds persuasiveness to his lips” (16:23). • Gracious speech flows from a pure heart: “He who loves purity of heart, and whose speech is gracious, will have the king as his friend” (22:11).

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• The righteous heart thinks before it speaks: “The heart of the righteous ponders how to answer, but the mouth of the wicked pours out evil things” (15:28). 2. The godly heart produces good behavior (3:1).

Sinful Behavior 1. We know a man’s heart by the fruit of his ways: “The backslider in heart will be filled with the fruit of his ways, and a good man will be filled with the fruit of his ways” (14:14). 2. The heart can be arrogant or proud: • “Everyone who is arrogant in heart is an abomination to the LORD; be assured, he will not go unpunished” (16:5). • “Before destruction a man's heart is haughty, but humility comes before honor” (18:12). • “Haughty eyes and a proud heart, the lamp of the wicked, are sin” (21:4). 3. The heart can be envious or discontented: “Let not your heart envy sinners, but continue in the fear of the LORD all the day” (23:17). 4. The heart can be angry: “When a man's folly brings his way to ruin, his heart rages against the LORD” (19:3). 5. The heart can be perverted until it devises evil: • “A worthless person, a wicked man, goes about with crooked speech, winks with his eyes, signals with his feet, points with his finger, with perverted heart devises evil, continually sowing discord” (6:12-14). • “There are six things that the LORD hates, seven that are an abomination to him: haughty eyes, a lying tongue, and hands that shed innocent blood, a heart that devises wicked plans, feet that make haste to run to evil, a false witness who breathes out lies, and one who sows discord among brothers” (6:16-19). • God hates those with a crooked heart: “Those of crooked heart are an abomination to the LORD, but those of blameless ways are his delight” (11:20). • A crooked heart leads to crooked speech: “A man of crooked heart does not discover good, and one with a dishonest tongue falls into calamity” (17:20). • A twisted mind is despised: “A man is commended according to his good sense, but one of twisted mind is despised” (12:8). 6. The heart is the source of evil words: • It can speak perversely: “Your eyes will see strange things, and your heart utter perverse things” (23:33). • It can speak hypocritically: “Like the glaze covering an earthen vessel are fervent lips with an evil heart” (26:23). “For he is like one who is inwardly calculating. ‘Eat and drink!’ he says to you, but his heart is not with you” (23:7). • It can speak deceitfully: “Deceit is in the heart of those who devise evil, but those who plan peace have joy” (12:20). “When he speaks graciously, believe him not, for there are seven abominations in his heart” (26:25).

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• It can speak foolishly: “A prudent man conceals knowledge, but the heart of fools proclaims folly” (12:23). “The lips of the wise spread knowledge; not so the hearts of fools” (15:7). • It can speak angrily: “For their hearts devise violence, and their lips talk of trouble” (24:2). 7. The wicked heart amounts to nothing: “The tongue of the righteous is choice silver; the heart of the wicked is of little worth” (10:20).

Counseling Wisdom 1. The Lord knows every person’s heart: • “Sheol and Abaddon lie open before the LORD; how much more the hearts of the children of man!” (15:11; see 20:27). • The Lord tests every heart: “The crucible is for silver, and the furnace is for gold, and the LORD tests hearts” (17:3). • The Lord weighs the heart: “Every way of a man is right in his own eyes, but the LORD weighs the heart” (21:2; see 16:2). “If you say, ‘Behold, we did not know this,’ does not he who weighs the heart perceive it? Does not he who keeps watch over your soul know it, and will he not repay man according to his work?” (24:12). 2. The counselor must seek to understand the depths of the heart: “The purpose in a man's heart is like deep water, but a man of understanding will draw it out” (20:5). 3. The heart of man reflects the man: “As in water face reflects face, so the heart of man reflects the man” (27:19). 4. We can partly discern a man’s heart by his behavior (20:11). Synonyms for “conduct, behavior, deeds” are poal (10:29; 20:11; 21:8, 15; 24:12, 29; 20:20), maalal (20:11), etc.

Life and Soul (Nephesh) The word nephesh means, “life, soul, breath, person.” It describes the life of either the wicked (1:18-19; 13:4a; 29:24) or the righteous (10:3a; 13:3, 4b; 19:18; 29:10). It speaks both of life preserved (3:22; 13:3; 14:25; 16:17; 19:8, 16; 23:14) and life destroyed (1:18-19; 6:26, 32; 7:23; 8:36; 13:8; 15:32; 18:7; 20:2; 21:23; 22:23; 29:10). It can refer to an animal (12:10), a human person in general (11:17, 25; 14:10; 19:15; 23:7; 27:7, 9; 28:17, 25; 31:6) or even to the Person of God (6:16). It is often used synonymously with the heart.

Desire and Delight 1. Nephesh can literally describe physical appetite or desire:

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• “People do not despise a thief if he steals to satisfy his appetite when he is hungry” (6:30). • “The righteous has enough to satisfy his appetite, but the belly of the wicked suffers want” (13:25). • “A worker's appetite works for him; his mouth urges him on” (16:26). • “When you sit down to eat with a ruler, observe carefully what is before you, and put a knife to your throat if you are given to appetite” (23:1-2). 2. The soul can delight in good desires: • The soul can delight in wisdom and knowledge: “My son, do not lose sight of these—keep sound wisdom and discretion, and they will be life for your soul and adornment for your neck” (3:21-22). “Know that wisdom is such to your soul; if you find it, there will be a future, and your hope will not be cut off” (24:14). “And knowledge will be pleasant to your soul” (2:10b). • The soul can delight in desires fulfilled: “A desire fulfilled is sweet to the soul, but to turn away from evil is an abomination to fools” (13:19). • The soul can delight in gracious words: “Gracious words are like a honeycomb, sweetness to the soul and health to the body” (16:24). • The soul can delight in godly children: “Discipline your son, and he will give you rest; he will give delight to your heart” (29:17). • The soul can be refreshed by others: “Like the cold of snow in the time of harvest is a faithful messenger to those who send him; he refreshes the soul of his masters” (25:13). “Like cold water to a thirsty soul, so is good news from a far country” (25:25). 3. It can speak to evil or foolish desires: • The ignorant soul has misdirected desires: “Desire without knowledge is not good, and whoever makes haste with his feet misses his way” (19:2). • The wicked soul desires evil: “The soul of the wicked desires evil; his neighbor finds no mercy in his eyes” (21:10). • The treacherous soul desires violence: “From the fruit of his mouth a man eats what is good, but the desire of the treacherous is for violence” (13:2). • The frustrated soul can be set in its ways: “Discipline your son, for there is hope; do not set your heart on putting him to death” (19:18). • The foolish soul can be ensnared: “A fool's mouth is his ruin, and his lips are a snare to his soul” (18:7). “Make no friendship with a man given to anger, nor go with a wrathful man, lest you learn his ways and entangle yourself in a snare” (22:24-25). 4. Therefore, the soul must be protected: • You must guard your own soul: “Thorns and snares are in the way of the crooked; whoever guards his soul will keep far from them” (22:5; see 21:23). • The Lord also keeps watch over your soul: “If you say, ‘Behold, we did not know this,’ does not he who weighs the heart perceive it? Does not he who keeps watch over your soul know it, and will he not repay man according to his work?” (24:12).

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• Good friends can help you guard your soul: The soul can be captured in a good way: “The fruit of the righteous is a tree of life, and whoever captures souls is wise” (11:30).

Spirit (Ruach) The word ruach means, “breath, wind, spirit.” It is the corollary of pneuma in the Greek New Testament. It can literally describe the wind (11:29; 25:14, 23; 27:16; 30:4) or a person’s breath, but often figuratively refers to various emotions in the Proverbs. It usually describes the human spirit (11:13),1 but 1:23 describes God’s Holy

Spirit: “If you turn at my reproof, behold, I will pour out my spirit to you; I will make my words known to you.” Ruach is often used synonymously with the heart.

Emotions 1. The spirit can speak of a person’s uncontrolled temper: • “Whoever is slow to anger has great understanding, but he who has a hasty temper exalts folly” (14:29). • “A man without self-control is like a city broken into and left without walls” (25:28). • “A fool gives full vent to his spirit, but a wise man quietly holds it back” (29:11). 2. Yet it can also be self-controlled: • “Whoever is slow to anger is better than the mighty, and he who rules his spirit than he who takes a city” (16:32). • “Whoever restrains his words has knowledge, and he who has a cool spirit is a man of understanding” (17:27). 3. Sorrow • The spirit can be broken by a perverse tongue: “A gentle tongue is a tree of life, but perverseness in it breaks the spirit” (15:4). • It can be crushed by sorrow: “A glad heart makes a cheerful face, but by sorrow of heart the spirit is crushed” (15:13). • It can affect the physical body: “A joyful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones” (17:22). • It can lead to despair: “A man's spirit will endure sickness, but a crushed spirit who can bear?” (18:14).

Heart, Soul

1 The word for “spirit” in 20:27 is the rarely used word neshamah, “breath, life” (see Gen 2:7).

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1. One can be trustworthy in spirit: “Whoever goes about slandering reveals secrets, but he who is trustworthy in spirit keeps a thing covered” (11:13). 2. The spirit can be either haughty or humble: • “Pride goes before destruction, and a haughty spirit before a fall. It is better to be of a lowly spirit with the poor than to divide the spoil with the proud” (16:18-19). • “One's pride will bring him low, but he who is lowly in spirit will obtain honor” (29:23). 3. The Lord weighs every person’s spirit: “All the ways of a man are pure in his own eyes, but the LORD weighs the spirit” (16:2).

Desire (Taawah, Awah) Taawah means, “desire, lust, craving” as experienced by either the wicked or the righteous. Awah is the related verb form.

1. Some desires are fulfilled: • “What the wicked dreads will come upon him, but the desire of the righteous will be granted” (10:24). • “Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a desire fulfilled is a tree of life” (13:12). • “A desire fulfilled is sweet to the soul, but to turn away from evil is an abomination to fools” (13:19). 2. Some desires go unfulfilled: “The desire of the sluggard kills him, for his hands refuse to labor” (21:25). 3. Righteous desire is rewarded: “The desire of the righteous ends only in good; the expectation of the wicked in wrath” (11:23). 4. The self-centered desire is not rewarded: “Whoever isolates himself seeks his own desire; he breaks out against all sound judgment” (18:1). 5. The related verb awah means, “to desire, crave, lust after.” In Proverbs, we are warned against desiring foolishly or wickedly. • “The soul of the sluggard craves and gets nothing, while the soul of the diligent is richly supplied” (13:4). • “The desire of the sluggard kills him, for his hands refuse to labor. All day long he craves and craves, but the righteous gives and does not hold back” (21:25-26). • “The soul of the wicked desires evil; his neighbor finds no mercy in his eyes” (21:10). • “Do not desire his delicacies, for they are deceptive food” (23:3). • “Do not eat the bread of a man who is stingy; do not desire his delicacies” (23:6). • “Be not envious of evil men, nor desire to be with them” (24:1).

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Joy and Delight (Chephetz) Chephetz is a unique word which means, “joy, delight, pleasure” and refers to the desires of the heart.

1. It can speak anthropomorphically of willing hands: “She seeks wool and flax, and works with willing hands” (31:13). 2. It can speak of the Lord’s sovereign will or desire: “The king's heart is a stream of water in the hand of the LORD; he turns it wherever he will” (21:1). 3. It can speak of human desire: • The fool desires to speak instead of listen: “A fool takes no pleasure in understanding, but only in expressing his opinion” (18:2). • The wise desire wisdom over material possessions: “For wisdom is better than jewels, and all that you may desire cannot compare with her” (8:11; see 3:15).

Hope (Tikwah, Toqueleth) Hope (tikwah) looks toward the future and is closely related to desires and expectations. This word is sometimes used interchangeably with toqueleth.

1. Hope may be fulfilled: • “Surely there is a future, and your hope will not be cut off” (23:18). • “Know that wisdom is such to your soul; if you find it, there will be a future, and your hope will not be cut off” (24:14). • “Discipline your son, for there is hope; do not set your heart on putting him to death” (19:18). 2. Hope may go unfulfilled: • In times of disappointment: “Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a desire fulfilled is a tree of life” (13:12). • In times of folly: “Do you see a man who is wise in his own eyes? There is more hope for a fool than for him” (26:12). • In times of hasty speech: “Do you see a man who is hasty in his words? There is more hope for a fool than for him” (29:20). 3. The hope of the righteous will be rewarded, but not the hope of the wicked. • “The hope of the righteous brings joy, but the expectation of the wicked will perish” (10:28). • “When the wicked dies, his hope will perish, and the expectation of wealth perishes too” (11:7). • “The desire of the righteous ends only in good; the expectation of the wicked in wrath” (11:23).

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Innermost Parts (Heder Beten) Figuratively, the phrase, “inner parts of the body” (heder beten) speaks of the soul as the innermost part of the person.

1. Sin may damage the heart: “The words of a whisperer are like delicious morsels; they go down into the inner parts of the body” (18:8; see 26:22). 2. Suffering may heal the heart: “Blows that wound cleanse away evil; strokes make clean the innermost parts” (20:30). 3. The Lord knows the heart: “The spirit of man is the lamp of the LORD, searching all his innermost parts” (20:27) 4. The word beten by itself can describe the physical “body, belly, womb” (see 31:2). It can be used synonymously with nephesh or lev/levav. • Righteousness is rewarded: “The righteous has enough to satisfy his appetite, But the stomach of the wicked is in need” (13:25). • Wise speech is rewarded: “From the fruit of a man's mouth his stomach is satisfied; he is satisfied by the yield of his lips” (18:20). 5. Beten may also figuratively describe the inner man: “Incline your ear, and hear the words of the wise, and apply your heart to my knowledge, for it will be pleasant if you keep them within you, if all of them are ready on your lips” (22:17-18).

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BIBLIOGRAPHY

General Resources Adams, Jay E. The Christian Counselor’s Commentary: Proverbs. Stanley, NC: Timeless Texts, 1999. Baker, Ernie. “Proverbs and Counseling Wisdom.” Biblical Counseling Coalition (blog), September 15, 2011. Accessed February 1, 2016. http://biblicalcounselingcoalition.org/2011/09/15/proverbs-and-counseling-wisdom. Blount, Joshua. “Lessons from Proverbs: Not Just a Collection of One-Liners.” Journal of Biblical Counseling 27, no. 3 (2013), 16-26.

Bricker, Daniel P. The Doctrine of the “Two Ways” in the Proverbs. Journal of the Evangelical Theological Society 38, no. 4 (1995), 500-517. Bridges, Charles. The Crossway Classic Commentaries: Proverbs. Wheaton: Crossway, 2001. Estes, Daniel J. Hear, My Son: Teaching and Learning in Proverbs 1-9. New Studies in Biblical Theology, vol. 4. Downers Grove, IL: InterVarsity Press, 1997. Fee, Gordon D., and Douglas Stuart. How to Read the Bible for All Its Worth: A Guide to Understanding the Bible. Grand Rapids: Zondervan, 1993. Garrett, Duane A. Proverbs, Ecclesiastes, Song of Songs. New American Commentary, vol. 14. Nashville: Broadman & Holman, 1993.

Goldsworthy, Graeme. “Wisdom and Its Literature in Biblical-Theological Context.” Southern Baptist Journal of Theology 15, no. 3 (2011): 42-55. Hildebrandt, Ted A. “Proverb.” In Cracking Old Testament Codes: A Guide to Interpreting the Literary Genres of the Old Testament, edited by D. Brent Sandy and Ronald L. Giese, Jr., 233-54. Nashville: Broadman & Holman, 1995. Keller, Timothy. God's Wisdom for Navigating Life: A Year of Daily Devotions in the Book of Proverbs. New York: Viking, 2017. Kidner, Derek. Proverbs: An Introduction and Commentary. Tyndale Old Testament Commentaries, vol. 17. Downers Grove, IL: InterVarsity Press, 1964. Kitchen, John A. Proverbs. A Mentor Commentary. Fearn, Scotland: Christian Focus, 2006. Koptak, Paul E. Proverbs. NIV Application Commentary. Grand Rapids: Zondervan, 2003. Longman, Tremper, III. How to Read Proverbs. Downers Grove, IL: InterVarsity Press, 2002. Mayhue, Richard. Practicing Proverbs: Wise Living in Foolish Times. Fearn, Scotland: Christian Focus, 2004.

Ortlund, Raymond C. Proverbs: Wisdom that Works. Wheaton: Crossway, 2012. Parsons, Greg W. “Guidelines for Understanding and Proclaiming the Book of Proverbs.” Bibliotheca Sacra 150, no. 2 (1993), 151-70. Phillips, Dan. God’s Wisdom in Proverbs: Hearing God’s Voice in Scripture. Woodlands, TX: Kress Biblical Resources, 2011. Powell, Terry. “Growing in CHARACTER through the Proverbs.” Bible.org (blog). May 28, 2011. Accessed January 9, 2016. https://bible.org/article/growing-character- through-proverbs. Ross, Allen P. “Proverbs.” In Psalms-Song of Songs. Vol. 5 of The Expositor's Bible Commentary, edited by Frank E. Gaebelein, 5:883-1134. Grand Rapids: Zondervan, 1991.

Swindoll, Charles R. Living the Proverbs: Insight for the Daily Grind. Nashville, TN: Worthy Publishing, 2012. Thornton, Champ. Pass It On: A Proverbs Journal for the Next Generation. Greensboro, NC: New Growth Press, 2017. Waltke, Bruce K. The Book of Proverbs, Chapters 1-15. New International Commentary on the Old Testament. Grand Rapids: Eerdmans, 2004. ______. The Book of Proverbs, Chapters 16-31. New International Commentary on the Old Testament. Grand Rapids: Eerdmans, 2004. Wiersbe, Warren W. Be Skillful. “Be” Commentary Series. Wheaton: Victor Books, 1996.

Zuck, Roy B., ed. Learning from the Sages: Selected Studies on the Book of Proverbs. Grand Rapids: Baker, 1995.

Pride and Humility Mahaney, C. J. Humility: True Greatness. Colorado Springs: Multnomah Books, 2005. Scott, Stuart. From Pride to Humility: A Biblical Perspective. Bemidji, MN: Focus Publishing, 2002.

Grief and Loss Bridges, Jerry. Trusting God: Even When Life Hurts. Carol Stream, IL: Tyndale House, 2014.

Kellemen, Robert W. God’s Healing for Life’s Losses: How to Find Hope When You’re Hurting. Winona Lake, IN: BMH Books, 2010. Martin, Albert N. Grieving, Hope and Solace: When a Loved One Dies in Christ. Adelphi, MD: Cruciform Press, 2011.

Biblical Friendship Holmes, Jonathan. The Company We Keep: In Search of Biblical Friendship. Hudson, OH: Cruciform Press, 2015. Welch, Edward T. Side by Side: Walking with Others in Wisdom and Love. Wheaton: Crossway, 2015.

Anxiety Mack, Wayne A., and Joshua Mack, Courage: Fighting Fear with Fear. Phillipsburg, NJ: P&R Publishing, 2014. Welch, Edward T. Running Scared: Fear, Worry, and the God of Rest. Greensboro, NC: New Growth Press, 2007.

Anger Jones, Robert D. Uprooting Anger: Biblical Help for a Common Problem. Phillipsburg, NJ: P&R Publishing, 2005. Powlison, David. Good & Angry: Redeeming Anger, Irritation, Complaining, and Bitterness. Greensboro, NC: New Growth Press, 2016.

Truth and Deception Priolo, Lou. Deception: Letting Go of Lying. Phillipsburg, NJ: P&R Publishing, 2008. Tripp, Paul David. War of Words: Getting to the Heart of Your Communication Struggles. Phillipsburg, NJ: P&R Publishing, 2000.

Communication Sande, Ken. The Peacemaker: A Biblical Guide to Resolving Personal Conflict. Grand Rapids: Baker Books, 2004. Tripp, Paul David. War of Words: Getting to the Heart of Your Communication Struggles. Phillipsburg, NJ: P&R Publishing, 2000.

Wealth Alcorn, Randy. The Treasure Principle: Unlocking the Secret of Joyful Giving. Colorado Springs: Multnomah Books, 2005. Blomberg, Craig L. Neither Poverty Nor Riches: A Biblical Theology of Possessions. Wheaton: IVP Academic, 2000.

Gossip and Slander Mitchell, Matthew C. Resisting Gossip: Winning the War of the Wagging Tongue. Fort Washington, PA: CLC Publications, 2013. Peace, Martha. Damsels in Distress: Biblical Solutions for the Problems Women Face. Phillipsburg, NJ: P&R Publishing, 2011.

Addictions Hoppe, Steve. Sipping Saltwater: How to Find Lasting Satisfaction in a World of Thirst. Epsom, UK: The Good Book Company, 2017. Shaw, Mark E. The Heart of Addiction: A Biblical Perspective. Bemidji, MN: Focus Publishing, 2014. Welch, Edward T. Addictions: A Banquet in the Grave. Greensboro, NC: New Growth Press, 2012.

Laziness Begg, Alistair. Crazy Lazy: A Warning Against Laziness. Youngstown, OH: 10Publishing, 2014.

DeYoung, Kevin. Crazy Busy: A (Mercifully) Short Book About a (Really) Big Problem. Wheaton: Crossway, 2013.

Guidance DeYoung, Kevin. Just Do Something: A Liberating Approach to Finding God’s Will. Chicago: Moody Publications, 2009. Friesen, Gary. Decision-Making and the Will of God: A Biblical Alternative to the Traditional View. Colorado Springs: Multnomah Books, 2009.

Parenting Priolo, Lou. Teach Them Diligently: How to Use the Scriptures in Child Training. Woodruff, SC: Timeless Texts, 2000. Tripp, Paul David. Parenting: 14 Gospel Principles That Can Really Change Your Family. Wheaton: Crossway, 2016. Tripp, Tedd. Shepherding a Child’s Heart. Wapwallopen, PA: Shepherd Press, 2011. Younts, John A. Everyday Talk: Talking Freely and Naturally about God with Your Children. Wapwallopen, PA: Shepherd Press, 2011.

Marriage Harvey, Dave. When Sinners Say “I Do”: Discovering the Power of the Gospel for Marriage. Wapwallopen, PA: Shepherd Press, 2007.

Tripp, Paul David. What Did You Expect?: Redeeming the Realities of Marriage. Wheaton: Crossway, 2015.

Attributes of God Tozer, A. W. The Knowledge of the Holy. New York: HarperCollins, 1961. Wilkin, Jen. None Like Him: 10 Ways God is Different From Us (and Why That’s a Good Thing). Wheaton: Crossway, 2016.