Issue 956 - Weekly Thursday February 11th 1999 WE’VE GOT Kings’Manor School IT!! Election Special Pull-Out inside gets “fresh start”

ast Friday was another or the first time ever, a to the current exam results Surrey Education Authority great day for the Union. private company took and truancy rates. Any is now set to negotiate the L FControl of a failing profits made by the compa- finer points of the deal Following months of hard school. King's Manor ny would be ploughed back before contracts are signed work, Borough Council licens- Comprehensive is located in in to Kings' Manor School. at the end of the month. The ing meetings and court hear- one of the poorest and most precedent set by Surrey is ings, I am delighted to tell you deprived parts of Guildford. This is the first time that a seen as being part of the that the Union has been grant- local education authority governments policy of a ed a, 2 am licence for The Comprehensive is cur- has relinquished responsi- "fresh start" for failing rently half unused and is bility for one of its schools schools. Wednesday nights. Hoorah! bottom of the county's grade and the decision has caused tables. The school had a lot of controversy. The Three E's Enterprises says Some of you may remember failed to meet standards set original take-over proposal that it wants to establish a the Bojanglez boycott last by the Office for Standards received interest from college which will focus on year, which was as a result of in Education (Ofsted) and several companies based both the performing arts and unnecessarily violent behav- has been unsuccessful in both in the UK and abroad. technology. The firm aims iour of some of the security recruiting new pupils. The The schools board of gover- to take Kings' manor into supervisors towards our stu- successful company, Three nors and the University of the 21st Century as one of dents. At that time, it was sug- E's Enterprises will be Surrey. the first colleges for life gested that the Union should rewarded for improvements long learning. look into the possibility of a 2 am licence. The success of Electoral Spectacle OUTRAGE, running until midnight, has proved that there is a demand for later Union activity on Wednesdays. It's gets under way finally happened. Why go to Bo's to stand in a queue for an ife Long Learning is Sabbatical candidates for heard. The remaining posi- hour when you can party on in one of the four prior- the positions of Students tions are Communications your own Union? Lity motions to be dis- Support and Development, and Marketing Officer, cussed at the forthcoming Finance and Societies and Welfare and Education We'll keep the drinks promo- NUS National Conference. Sport Officers were also put Officer and finally tions and the music and give The others are the through their paces. The President. Hustings will you what you want. The Democratic reform of the Sporting debate was the start at 7. 15 pm on the main details of how Wednesdays NUS, Student funding and most vocal, involving all dance floor. A special will be organised will be dis- Student Health and candidates attempting to Student Council has been cussed at Ents Committee, Housing. . The University of "sing" a song of their called, to take place at the which meets every Monday at Surrey Students' Union is choice. The support grew beginning of the proceed- 6:15 pm in the Grant Mitchell entitled to send seven candi- throughout the evening as ings in order to ratify the Room, so come along to have dates to the conference. many people who had just aforementioned NUS your input What we do know is wandered into the Union Conference Priority that we're planning a launch On Monday night the candi- became increasingly Motions. A good Hustings event in Week 6. The ever pop- dates took part in Hustings. involved with the hustings turn out ensures that the ular Supersonic have been pro- This took the form of proceedings. Sabbatical Candidates do visionally booked - there's lots speeches , questions and not get let off lightly. more to follow and it will all games with the candidates Tonight (Thursday) is the be free! Hands in the air, given the opportunity to chance for candidates from Voting takes place throughout 'YMCA, hop till you drop and make fools of themselves the other Sabbatical posi- week 5 and the electoral proce- party till you're knackered. and provide entertainment tions to make themselves dure culminates with the Charter for the crowd.. The ball on Friday 19th February. See you there! ON LINE Harriet Sims http://www.surrey.ac.uk/Union/elections News & Letters 1/2 n Union 3&4 n Music 5/6 n ELECTION SPECIAL - 12 PAGE PULL OUT Entertainments Guide 7 . n Notices 8 n Personals & Crossword 9 n Films 10 n Surrey Pride 11/12 2 News Thursday 11th February n

Editorial News in Brief by James Buller

ront from the edi- World Mourns King Noye Loses been much of a BO’s man but I page photo of me in a tor. Under half the amount of am thrilled that on a miserable, Hussein Extradition Fight Editor dress. Hmmm - strange Barefacts read currently are F wet night I wont have to get Tens of world leaders gathered Tom Sherwen editorial decision to say the picked up during these last pushed around in a queue and in Jordan, on Monday to attend The extradition of suspected least. It was all in the aid of weeks of the semester. As a ([email protected]) wait for hours before paying for the funeral of King Hussein. road rage murderer Kenneth hustings. All the candidates result of this I have decided to the privilege of overpriced The end of the kings 47 year Noye to the UK has been had to demonstrate that they produce news sheets similar in warm beer. The other event to reign was marked by the com- approved by a Spanish Court. Deputy Editor were game for a laugh and style to the one that came out look forward to is the Dracula ing together friends as well as Noye is wanted in connecting adaptable in unusual situations. shortly after new year. These Vacant Spectacular presented by the enemies with the 1996 stabbing of 21 Still it was a complete set up will contain the ents guide, G&S Society. Tickets are on year old electrician Steven and I thoroughly enjoyed the What’s on in Guildford, the sale in the Union between Clinton, Blair and Yeltsin all Cameron, on a sliproad of the Arts Editor revenge gained on Celine, the Odeon Times and I might even 12.00 and 14.00 for perfor- attended (albeit temporarily) M25 in Kent. Returning Officer who was include a few personals. The Daniel Jones mances from now until despite the advice of his gunged at the end. The second magazine is going to be full of Saturday 13th. They are on at Russian doctors. The premiers The extradition case was heard ([email protected]) evening for Sabbatical candi- features and reviews, inter- 19.30 every night and the of Syria and Israel also came by the same magistrate dates is tonight, Thursday. The views and competitions. The Saturday matinee is at 14.30. despite them being sworn ene- attempting to extradite Chiliean more of you who attend the bet- possibilities are endless. News Editor mies. The make up of the con- dictator General Pinochet from ter it will be. Last week I asked you whether gregation was an illustration of Britain to Spain. James Buller If you want to help, whether it you wanted to “get into how well the Jordanian leader ([email protected]) If you are still unsure about this be in writing, designing, taking snatch?” brought people together and 51 year old Noye maintains his whole election thing then photos or just thinking of the promoted peace in one of the innocence and said that he had look at the website title (very important) then If I got your attention then world’s hotest of hotspots. already been tried by the Features Editor http://www.surrey.ac.uk/Union/ please get in touch. Either good. Snatch or whatever it is British media. "All I ask is that Nick Walsh elections. Cheers to Dave email me on barefacts@sur- to be called is going to be the In a country with a population this court gives me a fair hear- Hamilton for all his hard work rey.ac.uk or pop in to the office ([email protected]) first ever glossy magazine pro- of just 5 million, 800,000 ing." in getting the site up and run- next to the snooker room in the duced by the Students’ Union. mourners lined the streets to ning and looking so good. Union. Alternatively call be on It is completely separate from watch the funeral procession. Spain’s equivalent of the High Music Editor Voting takes place all next int.9275 or ext.01483 259 275. Barefacts and will be published Jordanians are devastated by Court rejected claims by week (week 5) so have a good Final word of the week goes to Andrew Thomas towards the start of the Summer the death of their king. Even as Noye’s lawyers that he had think and then choose your all the blokes out there. term. After Easter everyone is he lay in hospital, kept alive been unlawfully arrested. Noye ([email protected]) Sabbaticals for next year. Remember, Valentines day is caught up with exams and tra- only by a life support machine now has three days to appeal this Sunday. It’s not worth for- ditionally Barefacts becomes hundreds of his citizens gath- against the decision. Otherwise WEDNESDAY NIGHT TILL getting! Sports Editor an expensive weekly rambling ered outside to pray for a the judgement will become 2AM. Bargain. I have never Paul Cliff miraculous recovery. official later this month. ([email protected]) The Week in Review by Samad Masood & Laurence Jones Blue Peter Out Of Snap Crack & Croc ou can’t have missed cially the smoking and non- be informed?…. The truth is Miles-age Commercial Manager the election special in smoking sections. Which leads out there. Two freak crocodiles nearly Ylast weeks Bare Facts, us to something that has proba- Co-presenter of Blue Peter, escaped from a Thailand zoo Vacant including the one-sided opinion bly been on a lot of peoples In the outside world this week, Stuart Miles has announced on Sunday. The crocodiles, one on NUS. The referendum minds recently…. smoking in England football coach Glenn that he is to leave the childrens with six legs, the other with comes around every two years, the Library Restaurant. Hoddle was sacked for speak- television program. Miles five tried to “leg it” when their so that WE can decide on Previously a smokers paradise ing about his beliefs. Our opin- described Blue Peter as “twee” glass tank cracked open. The whether we want to stay with the library restaurant has now ions of his stated beliefs are and criticised the handling of water gushing out swept them or leave. As we are given become non-smoking. a few irrelevant (and pretty boring), the recent drugs scandal to hit tourists off their feet. However the right of choice on this issue, years ago there was a survey but did you know that accord- the show. keepers quickly recaptured the Deadline for Publication don’t you think it’s only fair carried out asking peoples’ ing to article 19 of the reptiles and there were no Monday 10am that we should also be given opinions about the restaurant Universal Declaration of In an interview with the injuries. both sides of the argument? remaining smoking, or Human Rights ‘you should be Guardian Miles, 27 said that Last week we saw what NUS changing to non-smoking. We able to express your views, children today are not interest- Samutprakarn Crocodile Farm does for us, but what we don’t never heard the results of this however unpopular, without ed in golden labrador’s and & Zoo near Bangkok is the Bare Facts is an editorially independent action man skimobiles made newspaper, published by the University see is how much it costs us to survey, but last year it was fear of punishment’. world largest breeding centre of Surrey Students' Union remain affiliated, and whether decided that the restaurant from sandwich boxes. for crocodiles, being home to Communications Office. The views expressed within the paper this is money well spent. Surely would undergo a trial non- Well that about wraps up our nearly 60,000 creatures. are those of individual authors, and do if we are to make an informed smoking period, to end the gripes this week. Samad: ‘So He also referred to the sacking not necessarily represent the views of of presenter Stuart Bacon last the Editor, the Editorial Board, the opinion, we should be given beginning of this very semester. tell me Laurence what do you Swiss Go Cookoo year, after he was seen taking University of Surrey Students' Union or facts like this, or can we just put There was then supposed to be think of this years election A major search began in a the University of Surrey. cocaine. Miles said that he had This publication may not be reproduced this down to err… the careerist a review. Well we’ve waited manifestos?’ Laurence (John Swiss village last week, when a convinced TV bosses to refer to in whole or in part, stored in any form, indulgences of the NUS? three weeks for this review, and Wayne accent): ‘Well Samad in two year old boy was reported copied or distributed, without the express the incident on air but that he permission of the publisher. still haven’t seen any evidence my tenure here I’ve seen a lot missing. 95 firemen, 17 police- would have liked to have taken All submissions must include the author's Good news, Chancellors is of one. Who decides on the out- of Manifesters’. But all I can men, 3 dogs and 20 other vol- name and Union or Staff Number. the opportunity to do a special Submission is no guarantee of publica- ‘repositioning itself in the mar- come of this review? We tell you pardner is that the unteers scoured the local coun- tion. ket place’. Let’s hope they strongly believe it should be the booze ain’t ever getting no drugs program. Anonymous and Pseudonymous articles tryside for the toddler. will not be published. haven’t been influenced by air- customers i.e. students. If it has cheaper.’ While he has enjoyed his time Bare Facts reserves the right to edit sub- port lounge design this time. It been decided without our The full might of a Swiss army missions. at Blue Peter, Miles is annoyed looks like a good idea, espe- knowledge, then shouldn’t we bicycle squad was also offered that the program seems to the towns folk in their time of immune to modernisation. He Printed by need. This proved not to be nec- Make a date with MAVIS said it is “haunted” by the atti- East End Offset (TU), essary however. Despite several tudes of ex long term editor Bow, London, E3 3LT broadcasts on local radio sta- Biddy Baxter. She s almost 10ft high, tions asking for information, the baby boy was eventually found Miles hopes to continue a © USSU Communications weighs 235 stone and by his parents - asleep at home career in television, possibly by Office 1998 under a blanket. she wants to meet presenting factual programs, YOU! not necessarily with the BBC.

Bare Facts On Thursday 18 February, the National Meningitis T rust invites all students and Union House staff to come and meet M AVIS - their M obile A wareness V ehicle Information University Of Surrey S ervice - who will be available in Senate Square from 10am to 3pm. Guildford Surrey As well as being equipped with a video presenter and a large library of literature, GU2 5XH M AVIS is staf fed by trained personnel who will be waiting to give out information and advice on meningitis. Tel: 01483 259275 Fax: 01483 534749 So if you want to learn more about meningitis, talk through any concerns you may have, or if you just want some reassurance, why not make a date with M AVIS! email: [email protected] If you would like any further information on MAVIS, please contact Gill Venables, Student Af fairs Of ficer in the Students Union on extension 9228. Your Letters 3 Union NUS Referendum Hairtec Dear BareFacts against the benefits. Last the fact that there are 850 year the Union benefited to Student Unions in member- I write with reference to the tune of £122,000 in dis- ship ( representing in excess 24 Madrid Road next weeks cross campus counts on brewed products, of 3 million students ), then referendum, which poses bought through NUS it would seem more than a the question should Services LTD. Discounts of shame for Surrey students (01483)440414 University of Surrey this proportion would not be to lose out. Students Union stay in available should the Union membership of the National leave NUS, and thus, prices There is only one Higher Shampoo & Blow Dry from £9.00 Union of Students? I would could increase. Education Union in England Cutting incl. Shampoo from £11.00 certainly hope that the not in membership, don’t let Gents cut incl. shampoo from £8.50 answer to that question will Add to this the huge advan- Surrey be the second. Semi permanent Tint from £22.00 be an overwhelming YES. tages that the NUS logo on every student’s campus card Don’t lose your right to a Permanent Tint £ from £25.00 Last year it cost the Union brings in the form of local National Voice. If you don’t Highlights/Lowlights from £35.00 around £30,000 to affiliate and national discounts and like the way NUS works, Permanent Wave from £32.50 to the NUS, money provid- access to other Students then stay in it and change it! ed for from it’s annual grant Unions, the respect that KMS/Fudge Treatment from £3.00 from the University. That NUS is held in when it Yours Sets & Blow Drys included in all may sound like a lot, indeed comes to campaigning and Andrew Pakes Perming & Colouring Services, but excluding Cutting it is, but not when compared lobbying at all levels, and NUS National President Bar Prices - The real deal! Reduced Prices for Students Dear Alistair, increase following the most major brands. Thank you for your letter in Chancellor’s 1998 Budget. Tuesdays - Fridays inclusive last week’s B.f. The Show Me The Money! Students’ Union is commit- A Bit of History... It is sometimes hard to ted to campaigning against Ten years ago, Britain’s understand where the student hardship and the brewers produced far more money is going, which is Lloyds forthcoming NUS confer- beer than the consumer why we are planning a Chemist ence provides a great oppor- could ever drink - the indus- ‘Show Me the Money’ tunity to strengthen our try had massive over-capac- week. This will take the national student voice. ity. But, since 1992, UK form of an awareness and Madrid beer sales have fallen by information campaign The Astolat Bar prices have long been 8%. Forced to rationalise, - which aims to show you Road debated, criticised and mis- there are now only 5 nation- exactly where your money GPA understood and I will al brewers - Scottish is spent. Most other stu- attempt to answer your con- Courage, Bass, Whitbread, dents’ unions in the country Apollo Video Store x Newsagent cerns. There seems to be an etc., are now keen to target charge a joining and/or Hairtec underlying feeling that the their products towards spe- monthly fee for clubs and Union bars are more expen- cific consumer groups. Just societies. At Surrey, all Discrimination or Freedom to Choose sive than the pubs in town. like the banks, the brewers activities are free to join, Dear Mr Editor, on my character, great sense the company my mum and This is not true. From time regard the student market as thanks to funds from the of humour, tlc, generosity dad work for - you may to time, pubs offer good pro- a showcase. Getting stu- bars. Buying drinks from I am writing in reply to the etc.etc.etc! I am also sure have seen it in places like motion prices on beers, as dents interested in a particu- the Union directly benefits letter in last week’s issue that this event will be bring- Unwins or supermarkets do we. Weatherspoons are lar brand - Kronenberg - students. I guess it’s up to with regards to Union ing invaluable money to our already. This is a light, currently running a 99p pro- will influence their future you - put money back into Discrimination. Firstly, I Students’ Union, so I for refreshing bottled beer (that motion and we offer double drinking preferences. your own pocket through would like to ask why hold- one will be attending if it will still get you very drunk) and a mixer for £1 during Students’ Unions are the the Union or go for a drink ing a “beauty contest-type does hopefully go ahead, that could easily be sold at Silly nights and Outrage. In perfect hunting ground for in town and wedge up some- thing” is a harassment of (and not just to see some 99p and still make a profit. the long term, Union prices large brewers hungry for one else’s back-pocket. anybody, least of all “Mr pretty females either!) remain constant and offer more business. Name Withheld” who per- Having said that, I don’t Yours beautifully cheaper prices all year I hope this letter dispels the haps feels that his medioc- suppose any of this will RMP - The Italian Stallion round. Some examples: But the student market is belief that the Union profits rity in the looks division’ is change the price of beer on organised. Nearly all UK from its members and helps going to be insulted by such campus, as Alistair Gerrard p.s. If any girl(s) would like The Union also wins on soft Students’ Unions buy their to explain why the opposite an event. I for one am not sensibly noted in the last to have a funny and warm- drinks prices, pizzas, bar beer through a national pur- is true. I look forward to the best looking guy in the issue. Might I propose a hearted escort to The snacks and wine. The chasing consortium - NUS talking about this in more world, but also hope that new choice, called ‘Valerio Charter Ball, please contact Bottle Bank offers promo- Services Limited, see my detail in ‘Show Me the women will judge me more Beer’, which is brewed for me on ms61rp asap! tional drinks every week for article in B.f. 28th Jan. Money’ week later this £1.50, sometimes with a Faced with a well-organised semester. Dear Sir, Entertainments Committee. sport, speak loads of lan- competition or free gift. Our retail market - worth 140,000 The sensitive nature of self guages or play a musical bar prices are set for the barrels last year - the brewers Yours sincerely, I reply in response to the let- image and whether or not instrument. We compete at whole academic year. Don’t offer Students’ Unions dis- Harriet Sims ter in last weeks’ B.f. the Union should host the all these levels without (I forget that we have counted prices, translating Union President regarding Union discrimina- event generated lengthy dis- hope) any discrimination, absorbed the recent duty into 20p per pint discount on tion. To clarify the rumours, cussion. The committee and applaud people’s skills Product Union Weatherspoons on Saturday of week 6, the recognise that people may and qualities. Some people Union is planning to host a choose not to attend due to are born particularly beauti- Caffreys £2.00 £2.20 regional heat for Miss personal beliefs, but that ful. There’s nothing wrong Universe (aka Miss World) variety of entertainment is with that. You don’t have to Fosters £1.60 £2.10 1999. The whole reason important and there are oth- be beautiful to enter the com- that this was offered to us ers who would enjoy the petition or to be in the audi- Guinness £2.00 £2.23 was that a student from event. ence. Let’s celebrate it and Brighton won last year, and be proud of the way we are. the organisers felt it was Miss World 1999 is once Harriet Sims John Smiths £1.60 £1.91 only fair to let a select again scheduled for terrestri- Union President amount of Unions hold al TV, following several Kronenberg £2.00 £2.20 heats this year. years absence. As I see it, PS The Entertainments it’s about being blessed in Committee meets every Those with ultimate power different ways. You could be Monday at 6:15 pm in the Spirits £1.05 - £1.40 £1.47 - £1.57 of veto are the gifted academically, excel at Grant Mitchell Room. 4 Thursday 11th February 1999 n

Chancellors Refurbishment WWW by Pravin Jeyaraj I went to Canada a couple of But whether you love them or Last weeks article explained the back- inal side doors - only open during the HALL RESTAURANT and VEGGIE years ago. Niagra Falls was very loathe them, you have to admit ground for the Chancellor Refurbishment summer months will become the focus RESTAURANT disappointing, even a little over- that they have become a part of project. entrance, with a revolving door (the Set to close on Monday 26 April 1999 rated. Indeed, the most memo- Western culture. only one on campus). Will be developed into one large restaurant rable sight (sic) was Sarah The Offspring must be This week we would like to provide some on the first floor of the new complex Plans to Michelle Gellar in a new televi- thanking their lucky stars. Last answers to the questions about how the open, under a different name, in the week Questions and Answers:- sion show called Buffy: The Sunday, they went to number one new Chancellors will look. beginning Monday 30 August 1999* What will we sit on? There will Vampire Slayer. For those who with their latest single “Pretty fly have been asleep since the New (for a white guy)”, a satirical take A few points: be a selection of soft sofa seating on HALL BAR Year, the BBC have started show- on the guests who appear on (for 1. The biggest chance will be the move the raised area, high bar stools Set to close on Monday 26 April 1999 ing the first series of Buffy. example) Ricki Lake’s show. of the bar and cellar to the far end of the Will be extended and re-styled into a new around the windows and regular The story is set in the For a band who are the room. This will provide more space and cafe bar. Plans to open, under a different seating and tables. town of Sunnydale, which just so American Pulp - struggled for fif- prevent the constrictions that we current- name, in the week beginning Monday 30 What drinks will be sold? happens to be built over the teen years - there are a fair num- ly experience. August 1999* 2. The main toilets will move to the site The usual selection of soft drinks plus remains of a town called ber of fan websites, some origi- Hellmouth. This explains why nating from as far away as Brazil. of the old cellar thereby opening up the wines, premium beers and lagers and LIBRARY RESTAURANT there is a larger number of vam- Offspring Mania is just a typical current space around the lobby area. some good quality coffees. Will provide evening catering for students pires and other monsters here website providing sound files, for 5 weeks from Monday 26 April Will be Who will you serve? than in other parts of the world. biographies, articles and pictures. 3. There will 2 new levels of raised seat- closed to students and staff for 14 weeks Chancellors will welcome anyone - Fortunately, “unto each genera- However, it is part of a collection ing around one of which will be able to from Monday 31 May 1999 Will reopen to all students as well as academic and tion a slayer is born”, and this of sites for different bands, accommodate live music. students and staff on 6 September 1999 clerical staff. time around it is Buffy (played by including Oasis, Nirvana and Gellar). The closest thing to a Green Day. With the advent of the new EIHMS If you have any further questions please SANDWICH BAR nightmare on campus is probably Last year, Glen Hoddle building the patio will be landscaped to contact Jo Reay-Child ( Food & Temporary take-away snack bar to be set up the price of Caffrey’s. became an object of ridicule provide a more aesthetic view. The orig- Beverage Dept USSU extn 9986) in the Lecture Theatre building from You can pretend to be when he hired a spiritual healer Monday 26 April for approximately 18 Buffy and save Sunnydale and Eileen Drewery to deal with the weeks the world from the minions of physical injuries of the England hell with an interactive game that team during the World Cup. CHANCELLOR’S RESTAURANT is available from The Official Many people thought he had Bar, Restaurant and Table d’hôte dining ser- Site. Missed an episode because gone mad, but he was probably vice set to close for refurbishment on of too much coursework? Just trying to make the best out of an Friday 26 March 1999. Will be re-styled access the site and read the already stressful situation, espe- and refurbished into a student-oriented pub- episode synopsis and cast biogra- cially following the criticism he style restaurant Plans to open, under the phies and view the multimedia had received after dropping Paul same name, in the week beginning Monday clips. Got nothing to wear? You Gascoigne from the squad. 10 May. can fill your wardrobe with the Two weeks ago, his best Buffy merchandise and go personal belief in spiritualism WATES HOUSE will continue to provide down a storm (and perhaps go caused another stir when asked the following services for staff and postgrad- down) at the next party. why he thought some people uate students: From one babe to were born into poverty or with Snacks and Light Refreshments, Self- another, the past year has been disabilities. He claimed that they Service Restaurant rather good for Louise. Music were being punished for sins in a Table d’hôte dining, Bar career still going strong, married past life. Last week, he resigned Liverpool player Jamie as manager of the England foot- Redknapp in the summer and her ball team. The unPlugged Society The +’s and -’s fine form has graced various The concept of reincar- magazines and calenders (includ- nation alone is still heavily debat- ing her own) - not to mention an ed. Benjamin Creme (who?) has Rosymaker Of Maths appearance at some university in written an essay titled the South of England at Reincarnation, karma and past Course Reps for whelming impression given Christmas time. lives, which is reasonably Maths Statistics and was one of pride in our So you have the posters detailed but appears to be based Computing got the chance to department. The reps particu- to brighten up your bedroom on personal opinion rather than spill the beans on their larly praised the “open door” wall. Now you can download scientific discussion. department last week. In it’s 5 policy of lecturers, describing wallpaper for your computer Creme disagrees with yearly review of Surrey’s AA21 as “a little village.” from Louise Nurding Gallery Hoddle about Fatalism - that a Mathematicians, an indepen- Organisation of placements wallpaper. Lots of very nice pic- person’s birth is dictated by their dent panel asked for the input and responses to reps com- tures on this page. past life but the Association of of those who either reap the ments was also said to be That is nothing com- Reincarnation are offering cus- rewards or suffer the conse- excellent. Everyone was of pared to Louise, The One and tomers to chance to “inherit their quences of the staff’s actions the opinion that given the Only. From the onset, it is evident fortune when they are reborn.” Starting life as the Folk odd week in the Helyn Rose - the students. chance they would definitely that much effort has gone into the One question: How would you Club, Unplugged is now the bar In addition there will be Every 5 years, come to Surrey again. All our design of this site. It makes use of know if your wealth had been longest running society at two Unplugged nights in every department must be comments were passed on to many of the new technologies of inherited into the next life? Surrey University. In one week 15. One of the nights validated by their fellow aca- the relevant people. the Internet such as Java applets form or another it has been will be for the winners of demics. The board examines For their part the and loads of animation. The result This week’s websites running for 15 years. The the talent contest. everything from teaching panel described the reps as a is a very professional and easy-to- Buffy the Vampire Slayer use website. Official homepage club is run by four commit- standards to equipment provi- “a lively and positive bunch” sion. As part of their review, and thanked us for our time As well as attempting a http://www.buffy.com/ tee members, Claire (secre- A good time is had by all. more personalised approach by Louise, The One and Only tary), Gav (chairperson), The more people that come the five strong panel met for and for“such an excellent dis- nearly 2 hours with all 8 cussion”. The department recording the names of new visi- http://www.btinternet.com/~loui Michael (treasurer) and Riz along for the night the better course reps, plus a selection wrote us a letter of thanks and tors and welcoming back se.nurding/index.htm (publicity). the atmosphere, so if any- of placement, PhD and final proudly announced that they previous ones, it provides the Reincarnation, karma and body wants to listen to new year students. As well as had been successfully vali- usual biography, discography, past lives The music was originally original music and want answering specific questions dated. pictures and multimedia clips. In http://www.inetport.com/~one/b acoustic sets, but now all something different, then we had the chance to bring up addition, you can perk up a male crkpl.html styles are welcome. As well they had better get them- our own topics of discussion. If you want to write friend’s spirit (amongst other Louise Nurding Gallery things) by sending a Louise http://newman.simplenet.com/w as live sets, DJ’s play selves along for a night out. Talking to an influential com- in Barefacts about your mittee meant it was a good department then please do! greeting card, chat with other omen/wallpaper/html/louise_nur beforehand ensuring that Any band wishing to play is Louise fans and play a game with ding.shtml there is a good atmosphere. welcome to leave a note or chance to talk about the big- (You’ll get bored of hearing ger issues. Issues that reps do about Maths otherwise!) The Louise playing cards (not strip Offspring Mania tape in the Unplugged not normally bring up, since topic can be anything you poker). http://www.geocities.com/~tri- A range of bands plays from pigeonhole. As the society they feel that they are to large want: your successes and angae/ofp.htm amateur student bands to has had a budget allocated to affect. Examples included experiences as a course rep, If there is one thing that the Association of Reincarnation professional bands. Any by the union there may be the problems associated with the value of a guest speaker nineties will be remembered for, it http://www.reincarnation- band wishing to showcase some money in it for the sharing lectures with other or the quality of the paint will be all those American chat org.com/inherit.html their material before the tal- band. courses, and the absence of scheme This is your newspa- shows! Roll on, Jerry Springer, This week’s keywords Ricki Lake et al. Words used to “buffy the vampire slayer”, ent contest, are also wel- any written or communica- per. Show us how the other tion skill based modules. half lives and get you and describe such television pro- “louise nurding”, reincarnation, come. The next Unplugged is next grammes range from ironic to “The Offspring” Tuesday. While we had a few yours noticed. areas of concern, the over- [email protected] trashy to just plain exploitative. Unplugged happens every Adam Saxty Thursday 11th February n Live Music 5 Campaign Super-Nova!

Heather Nova Heather Nova and Naomi Naomi USSU- 31/01/99 Naomi is feeling somewhat under the weather, struck down by the ‘flu, but none the less she plays. Her voice sounds like a sweeter Janis Joplin and the music is in the similar eclectic vein to Beck with hints of sixties soul. Forthcoming single ‘Be My Lover’ and the previous single ‘Personal Touch’ stand out, maybe simply because they are the most familiar. Certainly looking forward to seeing her again. Rob Winder

Heather Nova is probably a very nice person. But her music is terrible.. And that’s all you need to know really. Absolutely awful. Boring. If it could smell, it would exude the aroma of a decaying cow. Insidious. Why? Why are we being punished? To her credit she had calming images and kept the whole affair low key by allowing

photo by Simon Palmer each song to share the same rhythm. Daniel Jones BLURRED TO PERFECTION No New Order! BLUR Chelsea were beating hour it is all over, ‘13’ could Oxford Brookes Oxford 4-2. ‘Swamp Song’ well be the best record of Hooky that sound almost like prospect of another University, 3/2/99 and ‘1992’, it was “written the nineties if this show is a something quite twenty minutes of in 1992”, show a further true reflection of the USSU - 24/01/99 At just after 9pm Blur take degree of experimentalism grooves. famous. Noel-like solos and the stage in the Union build- from the band, no bad thing, A few minutes later after the “This is the revolution” complete reverence to ing at Oxford Brookes these songs sound magnifi- crowd has, somewhat sadly, wails Surrey’s answer As the fourteen people Ocean Colour Scene. University for the second cent, ‘13’ should be a mas- been chanting “song 2... to Liam Gallagher. watching shuffle Hooky are Southern small show to promote their terpiece. ‘B.L.U.R.E.M.I.’ song 2”, Damon leads the uneasily a local fan Uproar. forthcoming album ‘13’. is an affectionate punk-as- band back on, “maybe we’ll Nothing could be more Damon announces that they fuck tribute to their record play it later”. First we get ironic. Hooky have a clambers on stage and will just be playing the new label, a pure adrenaline blast ‘Beetlebum’ and a rousing grasp of what made dances about with a At long last the band album straight through. in the middle of the set. The ‘There’s No Other Way’ bands popular in pint. This is at least exit and their pal leaps Alex James takes a double band have certainly taken on before the last song of the 1995/96. The Britpop entertaining and the on stage again and bass and the new single board a whole range of night which Damon tells us crowd swells to a abuses the crowd. We ‘Tender’ kicks things off, influences and the produc- he is proud that it will be in blueprint has been duly this, it turns out will be the tion of William Orbit has The Simpsons, ‘Song 2’ xeroxed and what we formiddable thirty laugh at him, and leave. catchiest, poppiest number probably helped with the played at just about the right have is a set of songs plus! But then he leaves on the record. The band all interesting rhythmic speed for the crowd to slam- and we face the grim Andrew Thomas look happy and relaxed as a changes throughout the dance. It’s all over in a cou- country sounding number, songs. Graham Coxon plays ple of minutes, but then kind of influenced by Uncle the guitar like a man pos- drummer, Dave Rowntree Tupelo I think, ‘Coffee and sessed, and there certainly is shouts “again” and this time TV’ has the crowd looking a lot of guitar in the songs. twice as fast, a blur of sound The ZACK GILPIN Show somewhat bemused. One ‘Trailerpark’ has a mellow and Damon throwing him- thing is certain the new hip-hop groove but with an self across the stage. They album will be challenging. underlying pessimistic lyric. looked very happy at the Damon takes a short break Indeed, there is not much end, and so they should, this “to get the news from that is uplifting in these was a special night. London”, he comes back songs, except their stunning Rob Winder with a big smile on his face, sound. After just over an TEQUILA KILLERS TERRORVISION through ‘Stop The Bus’ ‘Alice What’s The Matter’ Guildford Civic Hall, then the crowd get a short and ‘Perseverance ‘, every- 2/2/99 break and sway along to one sings along “whales ‘Easy’. Tony Wright may and dolphins...” As the seventies glam hits not have the greatest After a short break the band of the interval fade out singing voice in the world, return with five girls, cho- Terrorvision amble slowly but he certainly makes up sen from those waiting out- onto the bacofoil bedecked for that with his tireless side the venue earlier in the stage. The Bradford rockers effort on stage and his day to sing backing vocals, Rythmic Heat Bounty Beat dive straight into their hit slightly corny between song for their current “happy packed set with ‘Celebrity banter. accident” hit ‘Tequila’ At the Harlequin, Redhill on Hit List’ and follow it ‘If I Was You’ is a blast of which sees a renewed burst Friday 23rd Feb 1999 immediately with last punk fury before Tony of energy from the crowd 9-11pm year’s comeback single picks up an acoustic guitar before Terrorvision end the ‘Josephine’, the crowd in for the annoyingly catchy night with ‘Oblivion’. Tickets £15 the main room are bounc- ‘3 Wishes’. The bouncing Undeniably Terrorvision All ticket holders are entitled to a frree invitation to appear in my next ing as one, fortunately for starts again during ‘Pretend are one of the best acts on music video. A 1/500 chance of winning a return ticket to California, USA. the Civic Hall the floor Best Friend’ and the crowd the live circuit, their shows isn’t sprung as the previous sings along to the forth- a thoroughly enjoyable way Harlequin, Redhill BOX OFFICE night the sprung floor in coming single ‘Day After of spending an evening. tel: 01737 765 547 Dudley collapsed. Day’. The set ends with the Rob Winder email Zack on [email protected] The bouncing continues one-two combination of 6 Music Thursday 11th February 1999

group, with their music tending colours....urrrggghh, but things ANNIE CHRISTIAN - Kiss variety. 6/10 A.S.

SINGLES SINGLE OF THE WEEK ELECTRIC - My Girl (Go- Go Girl) DEEJAY PUNK-ROC - Roc- and Shoulder (V2) SLEATER KIN- When I picked this up I must In-It (Independiente) After missing Heather Nova at NEY - A Quarter have misread the name, think- The lead track is a superb rap Sunday Night Live, this record To Three / Burn ing it may have been the new track. Whilst the rapping was makes me regret that I did. Don’t Freeze Sumner & Marr single. God, I added afterwards its so good Heart and Shoulder is a good (Matador) wish it had have been. that its easy to ignore the back- easy to listen to love song. The Another boring attempt at The best band in ing track. The second track good B-side Days and Nights Oasis meets Radiohead brit- ‘The World Is My Ashtray ILS supplements the A-side. There the American pop with one of the most 127 Remix’ has speeding is also an acoustic version of underground annoying vocalists I have drums, with a light vocal sam- Heart and Shoulder on the CD. build on the suc- heard since Mr L Gallagher ple floating along on top. ‘I 8/10 A.S. cess of their U.K. himself. ‘A step forward in Hate Everybody Mash Up Mix’ breakthrough pop’ reads the press is a great usuage of samples SPACE RAIDERS - Laid album ‘Dig Me release...yeah right. 5/10 and just makes you want to Back (Skint) Out’ with this, the J.R.H dance. A lot of albums don’t After last year’s breakthrough first material AUDIOWEB - Test the have as many good tracks as with the ‘Glam Raid’ ep, Space Theory (Mother) taken from their this. 9/10 I.P. Raiders return with a subtle This is an ok track that resem- electronic trance track. As the new album out in bles their last few hits, unfor- DELAKOTA - 555 (go!beat) name suggests this is for post March. The guitar tunately it is neither as good This newish band have kept up rather than pre clubbing. The and strings pre- or as original as the previous producing some storming trademark use of eighties com- sent in ‘A Quarter ones, maybe I expect too tunes, and this song is no puter samples features more To Three’ are any- much from a group which is exception. It is a black grape- heavily on the b-side, which thing but a bolt on supposed to be ‘innovative’, esque song with a superb beats continues the chilled trend. A (as popularised by bands like The Verve and copied by 3 Colours Red) and give an angu- but I wasn’t impressed. The and lyrics. It WILL be their fair 7/10 A.T. lar take on late night lament. ‘Burn Don’t Freeze’ is more typical of previous material with two remixes available on the most successful single to date, single are also of poor stan- overlapping Courtney Love style vocals and discordant overdriven guitars. 9/10 A.T. as it is a head bobbin’, foot tap- WHISTLER-Don’t Jump In dard, in fact the radio edit is pin’ chill-out choon. Now i’m Front Of My Train(Wiiija) the best version of the lot. A off to Tesco to get my Apt name for this band, towards acoustic rock. ‘Leech’ aren’t quite what they seem. The Day Goodbye (Equipe poor 4/10 M.D.C. munchies!!!! 9/10 M.S. Whistler, as they sound like starts out with reasonably This happens to be a Ecosse) something that floats on the air heavy guitars, but the b-sides Byrds/Beach Boys-style tune Sort of alright pop rock, a hint TYRESE – ‘Nobody Else – GENE - As Good As It Gets for a bit, but doesn’t last very seem to rely more on the fused with tight, infectious of the Manics epic style tinted London Connection Mixes’ You can here the chants long. I hope this isn’t the case vocals, the guitars being an Idlewild guitars and the odd with a more obtuse and darker and ‘R&B Mixes’ (RCA) now...‘Rozzzer, Rozzer, though, as there is also the inoffensive backing. Their reference to illegal substances. view and power that the Manics These two singles represent the Rozzer’- chants to celebrate of sound of great potential. While vocals appear mostly harmless, Not bad. 6/10 A.S. now lack. 6/10 R.W. overkill of a song that was the return of easy-access poli- the as does the rest of the single. repetitive to start with. Tyrese tics and rousing guitar pop. guitar playing is reminiscent of 7/10 E.C. WIRED - Transonic (Future has basically taken the same Socialism is still alive, Gene Pheobe’s in Friends, the title Groove song and remixed it six times. are back and the good times are track is pleasant and well worth THE JELLYS - Lemonade A pretty safe dance record that The lyrics say very little here again. The radio sounds a listen.7/10 M.A. Girl (MIR) could be played at most main- whether sung in R&B style or like it should again. 8/10 D.J. You really want to hate this at stream club nights. I found it to rapped with ‘London EVE 6 - Leech (RCA) first. A nauseous CD cover be a bit on the short side, with Connection’. Many tracks are HEATHER NOVA - Heart Eve 6 seem like a pleasant little with buzzing bees and bright the mixes not offering much overly long. 4/10 G.T. Sly and Robbie, two signifi- EBTG, and U2 which of men perished in a blaze cant contributors to the prompts this to be an with their dicks in their ALBUMS drum n bass and ‘intelligent’ impressive collaboration of hands, Dream City Film scene open their doors to the styles. Unfortunately Howie Club have always been there DESERT EAGLE DISCS - hits it’s peak and starts to and “I’d Die For You”. Let’s influence of Howie B with B’s reworking of Sly and for the nasty things in life: The Eagle Has Landed fall. Although the tracks hope they raise it up a level his ambient break beat Robbie’s creations leaves chiefly revenge fantasies, (Boiler House) have a nice sound overall, for the next thing. An aver- approach. Both have a little to be desired. Each drug references and bor- Interesting Hip hop band they are also extremely sim- age 5/10 M.D.C. wealth of credentials to their track is, to quote ‘stripped to rowed Stooges riffs. Sounds from Britain, includes 3 ilar one to another and by names. Sly and Robbie the bone,’ being reconstruct- good, unfortunately it’s tracks featuring 21 Soldier the end it just becomes like SLY & ROBBIE by recording with Grace Jones, ed with sporadic beats and more of the same on their and an unexpected guest elevator music, that sound in HOWIE B - Drum ‘n bass Bob Dylan, James Brown shamelessly dull ambient second full-length album. from the Fugees doing it the background. Best tracks strip to the bone (Palm and Simply Red, and Howie chords that are drawn out Listening to the album all freestyle. That is where it are “Rebel Baz (Freestyle)” Pictures) B with Tricky New Order, and have no sense of going the way through is excruci- anywhere. The odd track, ating stuff - my nervous sys- BEST OF A BAD BUNCH ‘Major Magic’ stands out tem is still recovering from BABYLON ZOO – ‘King Kong Groover’ (EMI) with the originality they numbness. The lyrics paint a Has anyone out there heard of ‘Babylon Zoo’ since the suc- were trying to conjure in disturbing picture, a neo cess of the single ‘Spaceman’? I think not. Nothing the this partnership, but these, film noir vision of desola- band has produced since then has had the same effect. not by coincidence are the tion, debauchery and ‘Spaceman’ set a precedent that the band has been unable shortest in length and do lit- despair. As a concept for a to live up to. Although I really like ‘King Kong Groover’ tle to reconcile an album film, a soundtrack maybe, a with its brilliant vocals, lyrics and varied instrumentation, that’s all too ‘samey.’ 4/10 biography to gothic god it just doesn’t grab your attention. It feels like background D.M.C. bachus (god of all things music that you can switch off to. The song titles are worth bad ) it would be perfect, but a mention though. Don’t you think songs like ‘Manhattan DREAM CITY FILM unfortunately as a piece of Martian’, ‘Honaloochie Boogie’ and ‘Chrome Invader’ CLUB - In The Cold Light music, for entertainment, it sound fun? I like this album but I also believe the band can Of Morning (Beggars frankly doesn’t do anything do better. Banquet) for me. (8) for the idea, but 6/10 G.T. Named after an unlicensed (3) in practice. R.G. porn cinema where dozens February 11: Rising Star/ Hyperthermia / Stony Sleep @ Reading Alleycat Go 12: Jabba / Born Idol @ Reading Alleycat Union Star / Spotless / Silverstream @ Aldershot WEC 13: Pitchshifter @ London Astoria See 14: Cheetara @ London Highbury Garage 15: Stay @ Home 16: Budapest / Orco @ London Highbury Garage Live! 17: Mamod / Blue Swimmer / Fouth Quartet @ Farnham Maltings 18: Sona Fariq @ Londons Kings X Waterats Saturday Friday Thursday Wednesday Tuesday Monday Sunday Saturday Friday 20th 19th 18th 17th 16th 15th 14th 13th 12th Thursday 11thFebruary 1999 Competition Sunday Night see ad on page 10 page on ad see POOL Live 7pm Chance ofaValentne; 72% new single(asseenonTV). Unlucky Object;FreddieMeyer’s shaved theireybrowsoff. though itwasfunnywhenyou haven’t. Besides,everybodyelse upset them,restassured,you you havedonesomethingdrasticto you haveconvincedyourselfthat about theirbehaviourasalthough unsure of..Don’t troubleyourself towards youforreasonsare person isfeelingsomehostility You’ve beensensingthatacertain 21at March-20thApril Chance ofaValentine; 74% front ofyourvalentinecard. Unlucky Object;Arealheartonthe before youleavetheroom. remember toturnoff thelightswitch choose tofollowthatpath.Just doors couldopenforyouif tion andrespondquickly. New hidden secret.Trust yourfirstreac- An unexpectedletterwillreveala 20th February-20thMarch Chance ofaValentine; 38% telephone. Unlucky Object;Thebigwhite would we?! you tobeseeingstarsaswellnow shopping spree.We wouldn’t want pro-plus andasprinonyournext you. Justremembertostockupon just intimetogetanother-goodfor be recoveringfromonehangover mind recently. You alwaysseemto Celebrations havebeenonyour 21st January-19thFebuary fri-sat 10.4511.30 12.0013.1014.3015.3516.15 sun-thurs 11.00 notsun,12.1512.5013.3015.00 15.30 16.0017.3018.0018.3020.0021.00 17.00 18.0018.4519.3020.2022.0022.30 AQUARIUS Fri Feb12th-Thurs18th1999 PISCES sun-thurs 12.1014.3016.4018.50 sun-thurs 14.1516.3018.4521.00 sun-thurs 12.0514.5017.4520.35 n ARIES fri-sat 12.1514.4517.1519.50 fri-sat 14.1517.3520.0022.10 fri-sat 12.1515.1018.3021.20 WWW.ODEON.CO.UK sun-thurs13.05 18.10(notsun) mon-thurs 12.3014.3516.45 This Year’s Love- You’ve gotmail- Don’t goBreaking myHeart sun-thurs 14.5017.4520.35 fri-sat 12.4014.5017.20 fri-sat 15.3019.0021.50 sun-thurs 15.2020.30 Shakespeare inLove 0870 5050007 fri-sat 14.0519.20 fri-sat 16.3021.50 Very BadThings Practical Magic Hilary &Jackie sun 12.1014.10 sun-thurs 21.00 sun-thurs 20.15 Lunar LisaandMysticMoonda Hideous Kinky fri -sat22.10 A Bug’s Life fri-sat 21.15 Cineline Jack Frost Madeline Stepmom Sun 18.30 Sun 18.10 Chance ofaValentine; 20% den weed. Unlucky object;Acommonalgar- told usanyway. needs. Well, that’s whatJuipiter being demanding.Respondtotheir side thisweekaslovedonesare Get intouchwithyourgenerous 22nd June-23rdJuly Chance ofaValentine; 57% Unlucky Object;Alama. son. Lama farmingisinvoguethissea- considered before.Apparently things whichyoumaynothave Take thisopportunitytotryoutnew luck willbepassingyourwaysoon. Time tobuyalotteryticketaslady 22nd May-21stJune Chance ofaValentine; 15% um balloons. Unlucky Object;Ahandfulofheli- its soon. reality willhityou,justmakesure a passingaeroplane.Theshockof crash-helmet incaseyougethitby be foolishofyounottoinvestina clouds atthemomentthatitwould Your head issohighupinthe 21st April-21stMay CANCER TAURUS GEMINI before thefilm.) postroom atleastanhour a slipintheunion reception orbyfillingin (available fromunion individual filmsare2.50 7.50, orguestticketsfor films areavailablefor OFU andArtsCinema Season ticketsforallthe got itall-andmore. Wedding Singerhas The Police, sounds ofIggyPopand fashion senseandthe laugh atthehairstyles, you justwantagood 80s styleandmusic,or Glenn. Whetheryoulove ing typical80sbloke get marriedtotwo-tim- who isherselfaboutto phwoarrrr-able DrewBarrymore) with waitressJulia(Thevery engagements) -butsoonfallsinlove terical performanceatoneofhis ken-hearted (andthisleadstoahys- guy andmatchmaker, Robbieisbro- not. Sheleaveshimatthealtar. Nice satisfactory butfianceLindadoes ding receptions-ajobthathefinds is afailedrockstarwhosingsatwed- to remember. Robbie(AdamSandler) you (luckilyforyou!)weretooyoung feel nostalgicforatimethatmanyof ‘80s, T.W.S. givesyouthechanceto Set inthegloriouslypinkandfluffy don’t makethesamemistaketwice! first timeround,thenmakesureyou If youmissedTheWedding Singer Sunday, 8pm, Lec. Th.G Chance ofaValentine; 56% non-drinker (GodDamnit!) alluring anddesperatelyattractive appropriate). Unluckyobject;An amount ofdoubles.(deleteas *Couple, *Several,*Aridiculous method buyingthema... you couldadoptthetriedandtested Mr Kiplingshelp.Alternatively, will insistonmakingcakes,askfor through his/herstomach.Soifyou A waytoawo/man’s heartis 24th September-23rdOctober Chance ofaValentine; 89% like abean. because itmakesyourheadlook Unlucky object;Redhairdye, 10 wouldbenice. number...something between1and Why notbuyaclassiclittleblack something alittlelessconfusing. nylons). Thisweekwewillsuggest bank jobwewouldhavesuggested realised youwereintendingtodoa people atNatwest(ifwehad on yourheadandthreatenthenice we didn’t meanforyoutoputthem you shouldborrowaLeo’s fishnets, Last weekwhenwesuggestedthat 24th August-23rdSeptember Chance ofaValentine; 68% Unlucky Object;Ahappymeal. sive onSunday. them totakeyousomewhereexclu- their suavestylebyencouraging opposite sex.Makethemostof more sophisticatedmembersofthe you seemtohavebeenattracting Since youcalmeddownlastweek, 21st July-23rdAugust VIRGO LIBRA LEO Entertainments Guide7 O FU ets are2.00) The Wedding Singer(butguesttick- modern, urbansetting.Tickets asfor from itsrelevanceandrealismin himself, thehorrorofthisfilmcomes and featuringacameofromKing more focusedandpersonalworks- Stephen King’s book-oneofhis consequences. Stickingfaithfullyto sies, butthisleadstofurthertragic a mafiosotohelphimbeatthegyp- tically skeletal.Heenliststhehelpof chubbiness, thenstillfurthertoprac- and miraculouslyisreducedtomere diet...until heiscursedbyagypsy pounds andseemsunableto Billy Halleckweighsover300 Stephen King’s Thinner:Lawyer Wednesday, 8pm,Lec. Chance ofaValentine; 32% Unlucky object;Soup. urge todosomethinginsane their opinionnexttimeyougetthe Veggie. Ohdear. Askafriendfor pered, mutant,specialsfromthe you’ve pulledlooklikeill-tem- seems thatsomeofthepeople goggles alittletoomuchrecently. It You’ve beenwearingthosebeer 22nd December-20thJanuary Chance ofaValentine; 97% Unlucky object;Adeadpostman. disk deliveringallyourvalentines! hope thepostmandoesn’t slipa attention thanyouanticipated.Lets this weekasyouwillgetmore Pluto iswoofingwithexcitment 23rd November-21stDecember year. Chance ofaValentine; Maybe next amp. (u.w.p.) Unlucky object;Amicrophoneand week. Shutup. you’ve gotastinginyourtailthis Be carefulwhatyousaytoothersas 24th October-22ndNovember SAGITTAURUS Lunar LisaandMystic CAPRICORN SCORPIO Th. G 8 Feature Thursday 11th February n

her job was by sitting down because you will get a tax the job has to go. You are at one day with a yellow pages rebate at the beginning of university to get a degree, All work and no play... and a telephone and just the new tax year. and it is better to be poor phoned around until she while you are at uni and then he last of your stu- luck it would be somebody next to the union reception found a place with a vacant So, one last note, if you have rich afterwards when you dent loan is long important! and consists of several fold- position. In her case it was managed to get the part time launch into you successful Tgone, the hard earned ers containing details of a hot beverage carrying job of your dreams don’t let career, than it is to be well money you saved during the Another thing to think about available positions in vari- institution. Another almost it run your life! Working can off at university and have a summer which you is when you are going to be ous companies. From there I sure fire method of finding be addictive, especially if lower degree than you were promised yourself would able to work. Just because got a better idea of what work is to ask your friends you can justify working all capable of getting if you had last all year is now nothing you don’t have any lectures kind of work was available. who already work if there the hours of the day for that not worked. but a very distant memory. doesn’t mean that you will My problem was that the are any vacancies going that extra bit more money. If You are just going to have to necessarily be able to work work that I was interested in they know of, which gives you find your uni work suf- Ellen van Keulen face it, you are going to then. At some point during doing was for the most part you the added bonus of fering because of your job, have to get a part time job. the 168 hours which make out of Guildford, and I don’t being able to work with one up the week you need to eat, own a car so it would have of your friends. Working your way through sleep and yes, actually do been virtually impossible university is not as bad as some of your course work, for me to get there. That So you’ve filled in all the you might think, it all and then comes work. Take was probably just a case of application forms, you got depends on which kind of in to consideration when bad timing, the day after an interview, they actually job you want, how well you you do your course work there were probably hun- offered you the job, you’ve can integrate it into your best, if you work best during dreds of jobs in Guildford. reached your ultimate goal! busy schedule, and whether the day consider working in It is all the luck of the draw. You now just have one final you will enjoy doing it. So the evening, and visa versa. hurdle to jump before you how do you go about find- But remember if you do My next stop was a walk are on your way to having ing yourself a job? There are work in the evenings make around Guildford town. It is cash in your pocket, and that so many ways! First it helps sure you give yourself some amazing you many posters comes in the form of emer- to think about what kind of free evenings, “all work and there are about in shop win- gency tax. For those of you job you want to do, but even no play....blah...blah....blah. dows advertising available who have never had a job having an idea about what but it is true. You don’t positions. At the end of an before you will probably you don’t want to do can want to end up as a sad hour I had over 10 different learn very quickly about help. When I first started Herbert with no friends to application forms to fill in. emergency tax. Because thinking about what I want- go and spend your money Then the long process of Her Majesty’s Tax ed to do to earn a bit of cash, with! filling them in started. Inspectors have no record of I knew that I did not want to However the way that I did you having a tax record they work anywhere which So with all that in mind I it is by no means the only take almost a quarter of your would involve me carrying visited the union run job way. There are agencies in earnings! This matter can be hot food or beverages. shop which consists of Guildford which will find simply resolved by talking Why? Because I knew that several folders which con- positions for you. Or if you to the payroll or personnel my hot beverage carrying tain details of jobs that are have a clear idea of where department and filling in the skills are not up to much and available in the area in and you want to work send them right forms. Don’t worry if sooner or later I would end around Guildford. The job a copy of your CV with a you don’t get your money up spilling something over shop for those of you that covering letter. The way back straight away, just someone, and knowing my are interested is situated that one of my friends found think of it as a saving fund, n Thursday 11th February Personals & Crossword 9

Crossword No 93 Dr Russ Personals

Dear Russ your recommendations are ■Are you local? gers Can you tell me about the lucidly and logically presented. ■Gorgeous hunk of masculini- ■Mr.Pumpy is on the swim- written tests which I know ty answering to Dave, Steve or ming team....he’s doing the some employers use at selec- One of the most popular tests is Matt sought by ginger bomb- breast stroke... tion centres? known as the in-tray exercise. shell by Feb 14. ■Grr..... You are asked to play the role ■Deb, I thought you told me ■They don’t do Cornish Dear Paula of a personnel manager who you couldn’t swim? Well done, Pasties in Magaluf There are a number of tests has returned from holiday to I’m suitably impressed. ■Foreign spies wanted for which employers use which find a huge pile of papers wait- ■When it came to love, unity week before graduation involve writing. They are usu- ing to be dealt with. Your task and freezer space Speirs 4 was Location:Magaluf ally designed to measure a is to separate the urgent from at the back of the queue! ■I guess now you’ve got him range of qualities besides sim- the non-urgent and the impor- ■Grrr... Jessica & Vicki... back you won’t need me any- ply the ability to write clear and tant from the unimportant. The Yummy! more but I DO still exist!!! effective English. key to doing well in this test is ■Energiser Bunny’s batteries ■Fat Cow Poo Poo..... No to skim all of the papers very need changing! Alcohol This Friday?!?!? The first one which I’ll quickly at first. It is tempting ■I leave you alone for one MoOoOo describe requires that you to try to read everything, night and look at the problems ■Matt- CIT, can’t beleive you respond to a letter of complaint including the cleverly placed ■30 and Gem - too drunk for turned her down... from say, a colleague, or a cus- 30 page report which would Bo’s!!!! ■James, next time use the tomer. Although the detailed take up the whole of the time ■Not drinking again??? As spoilers to stop and watch out circumstances will vary in each allocated to the test if you fell if!!!!! for the buildings case, there are some general into the trap of reading it! ■W.A - So is your landlord still ■Half past three, Nanny Ogg? guidelines which might help After your initial skimming, Across Down a rent boy? ■Baa! Get a new fleece, you. Make sure you convince attempt an early prioritisation 1. Appease (6) 1. A vegetable (6) ■T - lets talk about jelling Sheepgirl! the recipient that you have of papers. Some are obviously 4. Fuel that 13 down needs 2. Frankness (7) ■D - Was Mr.T Gay? ■I want to break free! Did they understood their problem. important - like the memo from (6) 3. The goal is the goal in ■Happy 21st Birthday Heather play that one when we were in Consider whether an apology is the managing director request- 9. Dance (5) this! (8) the Feather! the cages? I can’t remember - required or whether an expla- ing a review of safety proce- 10. Running away together 5. Public school (4) ■Heather, Have a Luminous can Dave? nation would suffice instead. dures following the recent fire. (7) 6. Lift up (5) Yellow 21st Birthday! ■Happy Valentine’s Day to all Avoid responding aggressively, Take a look at your watch and 11. Older, but (8) 7. Illuminations (6) ■Heath, are you having 21 my friends. Love Deb x try instead to be both polite and see how much time you have 12. Tidy (4) 8. Trains speed (11) Piercings to celebrate?-Z ■It’s simple. Neil. I must have tactful. for a more detailed look at the 14. members of the family 13. Car driver (8) ■Long ago it must be,I have a him. If Neil is there no-one gets material. This could lead to (9) 15. To hide (7) photograph,Preserve your in my way. You cannot stop Another test involves analysing some changes in your priori- 18. Ceremony (4) 16. Drive forward (6) memories, They’re all that’s me. a mass of complicated written ties. The written summary of 20. One who is no longer 17. Half a dozen players (6) left you. “ ■I must have every version of material before presenting a your recommendations is, once married (8) 19. A flower (5) ■Three in a bed in No. 13 - everything Neil has ever done. reasonable solution to the prob- again, fairly brief, but should 22. A bird - (7) 21. Mark left by a wound (4) Nick you rock stop sliding I’ve got some bog roll he used lems which it contains. There nevertheless be clear, logical 23. Chemically inactive (5) down the stairs it’sdangerous you know. aren’t necessarily any right or and concise. You must take 24. Repels (6) for your health and that would- ■Don’t you understand, Neil is wrong answers, the assessors care to leave enough time to 25. Thoroughfare (6) n’t please the mooses life. He is truth. He is beauty. are simply interested in know- write your summary. The ■ Last weeks solution Down: 1.coral 2.moster Friday the 12th, judgement HE IS GOD!!!!!!!!!!! ing whether you have under- assessors won’t be able to ■ Across: 1.camel 4.drastic 3.look 4.derive 5.asteriod day for SOMS CLAIRE...IF YOU WANT stood the issues and whether guess what you intended to ■FNO watch out we’re on the PEACE AND QUIET! GO 8.rancour 9.train 10.lute 6.trace 7.conifer 12.brickbat your proposals are well thought write after you’d found you’d 11.overleaf 13.furore 13.frantic 15.portend rampage AND LIVE IN THE JUN- out. Whilst the written part of run out of time! ■ 14.kipper 17.abdicate 16.stoker 18.dirge 20.layer They may be small Haggis GLE!!!! this exercise can be minimal, it Russ Clark ■ 19.oral 22.throb 23.knavery 21.flair but they are perfectly formed Alice, cath court 7a1, cheer is important to make sure that Careers Service ■ 24.creator 25.radar Compiled by Love has no anger like a up, we can paint my walls if Jeff Blackham woman scorned you like! loads a love vic. ■Did I really come the other ■Winston on a comedown = NOTICES day, perhaps you need to try puff puff x 16 Learning To Listen again. BBB ■ Baby, its one day to go!!!!!! ■Al we love you ■Emma (twinkle toes) for voice your views. SPeakers: NEW MARKET ■TBOGN - lets pull some Physics cheerleader Richard Powell from Novartis To You good ones this time ■Phil, does Amy want it? Ooh, STALLS Seeds, Adrian Bebb from ■I will see you when you get suits you. Friends of the Earth. Chaor: ast week the latest of Every Tuesday - Stall selling there ■Ned, does Amy want it? Ooh, Prof Vincent Marks, Dean of the “Skills The event was useful for 5 cheap good quality cards, gift ■Darling, I’m waiting for you suits you sir!!! wrap, notelets etc. Medicine, UniS. St Saviours Development students in particular. Five in my turretted castle... ■Hope Adrian was right Ned. L Weekly markets are held in the Centre, Woodbridge Road, ■ ■ But you can leave your hat Will you be my valentine Workshops” took place in Nightliners took part in the Union building on Mon, Tues, Guildford (opposite Law the Grant Mitchell room. course which very closely on. Love, your Eleanor. Snugglebum?! Thurs, Fri. Courts). Details 01483 566480 ■ ■ “Learning To Listen” was matched Nightline’s basic Watch out shagaluf, here Lindsey where did you meet come the MECHIES! George? attended by 18 students and training. (In fact we urge The Jiu Jitsu Club LAPTOP for Sale ■Al, Jo Bird says no shagging ■ Spikey Economist, What the was exceptionally good. everyone who went to con- Toshiba Sattelite pro 405 cs in shagaluf! hell has happened to your dress EGM - 21st February after NUS Regional Officer sider joining Nightline-we’d CD Rom, modem, Microsoft ■9 mechies and 6 H’n’C sense!!!! Ewen Wilmshurst and love to have you). the training session. 8pm Office arrested on flight to Magaluf, 1 ■ Girl with long brown hair at Student Affairs Officer Gill £800 o.n.o. sheep injured!!! Chancellors for Jazz night - Venables lead the course on On Sunday, 10 Nightliners The new register of Tel Joel Russel on0171 723 ■The great Flanderino is on you’re mighty fine!!! 4747 or 0956 333117 the prowl...... beware all gin- ■ Maria(daddy), We love you - how to listen more effec- also under went an intensive electors is now available. tively. The reasons for com- 5 hour advanced training from your brats Pick up a copy at the Union ing varied: from wanting to course. This dealt specifi- reception in office hours if you Material and take patient history’s better cally with how to help peo- would like to check our elec- to simply broadening ones ple calling Nightline. It Mechanical AGM toral status. horizons. involved role playing, cou- Thursday 11th February SKILLS DEVELOPMENT pled with evaluation and Extreme Sports 13.00 Common Room The 2 hour session included advice. Parachute course for static line theory, group discussions jump -1st & 3rd of March Please, Please make a concert- Negotiating with Others and practical exercises. A This is all part of Nightline’s £80 Interested please contact ed effort to pick up Wednesday 17 February (4pm - 6pm) lot was learnt in a short time. relaunch this semester. Our Tony at php1ae or leave a note in the pigeon hole your post from your This workshop will look at the art of persuasion and how Areas covered included volunteers are available to receptions. Post will only be individuals can improve their chances of a win-win situa- open and closed questions, help you cope with any The ArabSoc kept in the pigeon holes for a tion. This workshop is aimed at those looking to improve body language and do’s and problems or worries you short period of time. their meeting skills or liaise closely with other organisa- don’ts of communication. may have. Our office in welcomes you to the Arabic tions as well as course reps and Union officials. The ses- Everyone agreed that it had Surrey Court is OPEN at night on thursday 11/02/99 in the Helyn Rose Bar at 9pm. sion is led by Sharon Baker, former Students’ Union been extremely worth while least 3 days a week includ- The RAM is not closing. Tickets £3 President and now working at Media-Matters. Contrary to rumours circulated - I gave it 10/10. For more ing Monday and Thursday Genetically modified food - recently the RAM Cider House details on future Skill from 8pm till late. Don’t suf- Safe or Suspect? Public meet- For more info or to sign up, contact Rodney Bates by e- is not closing and BOGOFF Development Workshops fer in silence, call us. ing Tuesday 23rd Feb @ (Buy One Get One For Free) mail ([email protected]) or call ext. 3177. see the advert opposite. 7.45pm. Hear both sides and still applies. 10 Films, Reviews & Previews Thursday 11th February 1999 n What’s On

Guildford Civic Hall (01483 444555) Brown, Rose & Beer (11th Feb / 8.00pm / Tickets £10) An unplugged concert featuring the legendary man of ‘Fire’ Arthur Brown in a unique acoustic format alongside the accomplished Tim Rose (the original artist behind the Jimi Hendrix hit ‘Hey Joe’) and Cheryl Beer. A Night At The Opera (12th Feb / 7.30pm / Tickets £13 balcony £10 stalls) presented by the Guildford Philharmonic Orchestra. The programme for this evening features music by Mozart, Rossini, Bizet, Verdi and Puccini.

Guildford’s Yvonne Arnaud Theatre (01483 440000) Craig Charles The Prisoner of Second Avenue (Tues 2 Feb to Sat 13 Feb / Times vary / £10 to £21.50) The Prisoner of Second Avenue brings together two of America’s major stars, Bound and Gagged Richard Dreyfuss and Marsha Mason. This is a hilarious, heartfelt account of one man’s mid-life crisis, and how he Guildford Civic Hall It’s not of course that he’s overcomes it. 05/02/99 no good, it’s just the Surrey people. Having to put up The New Victoria, Woking (01483 761144) raig Charles was in a with the faux superiority of The Gin Game (Mon 8 Feb to Sat 13 Feb / Times vary / £6 BBC2 sitcom called Guildfordians, it was to £16) ‘A Fine Romance’ meets ‘Waiting for God’ in this CRed Dwarf, and is refreshing to see them charming and stylish classic comedy. Brilliantly crafted and currently presenting Robot mocked. This isn’t sophisti- hugely entertaining, Broadway’s longest running play Wars. Oh, and he was held cated humour, but Charles comes to Woking prior to the West End. With Jean at Her Majesty’s pleasure has an air. It’s an air of Simmons and Joss Ackland. for a while, but I suppose someone bestowed with a Boogie Nights (Mon 15 Feb to Sat 20 Feb / Times vary / £7 you know that already. And comedy ability that can take to £19.50) Shane Ritchie stars in this brilliant musical set in let’s be honest, we only the simplest of ideas and, your local disco the night Elvis died. Boogie Nights captures know he’s on Robot wars well, make you laugh. the heat, the madness and the joy of youth in 1977 England. because it follows The Simpsons. So he is really There is a ‘sick’ section, a Wilde Theatre @ South Hill Park Arts only famous for two things. bit on relationships, a curso- But, it’s been said that he’s a ry mention of being behind Centre, Bracknell (01344 484123) dab hand on the stage, bars and a self deprecation We’ve Got Rhythm (Wed 10 Feb to Sat 13 Feb / 8.00pm / enthralling allcomers with ranging from turd imperson- £5 to £7.50) performed by In Harmony. From Gershwin to jailbird tales, sharp heckler ation to shameless sus- Lionel Bart plus diversions to 60s’ and 70s’ pop and rock rebuts, more than adequate pender wearing. But, all thrown together with a touch of comedy and shuffle. ball control and a spot of the Craig’s piece de resistance Faust (Wed 17 Feb to Sat 20 Feb / 7.30pm / £8 to £11) per- old Keats in his contempo- is his poetry, with a verbal formed by Park Opera. The dramatic story of Faust, who sells rary, northern style. concoction and dexterity his soul to the devil in return for eternal youth. Sung in English. that is unique and makes for Well what’s on offer wonderful spectacle. tonight...... well it’s the only Phil Nichol unsold-out gig of the tour Daniel Jones and Kate and Craig in his ubiquitis Tuson orn in Scotland and raised in Tasmanian Devil with a guitar, mix in style is not in any way shy New season of Red Dwarf Canada, Phil Nichol is probably some wickedly funny songs and superb in his explanation of this. starts 18th Feb Bbest known as the guitar playing improvisational skills. Phil is also a member of top class Canadian musical superb character comedian performing Lucy Porter The Carlsberg Ice comedy trio Corky and the Juice Pigs Greasy Fist Joe, Kenny Smiles and his who have performed over 1,500 live own rendition of Bjork as part of The Comedy Network this shows in Britain, Canada, Australia, Lenny Beige Show. Ireland, US and Japan. His TV credits include the BBC’s HID- Monday (15th February) Phil started his solo career in December DEN CAMERA, PHIL KAY FEELS... n the past three years Lucy has performed 1995 and in the short time since then has for C4, ALEXEI SAYLE’S MERRY stand-up comedy at venues up and down the built up an impressive set and a reputa- GO ROUND, and THE STAND UP Icountry including some of London’s most tion as one of the most skillful and sought SHOW, both for BBC TV. prestigious comedy clubs. after comperes working today. Imagine a Summer 1998 saw Phil in his sell-out solo stand up show at The Edinburgh In 1995 Lucy went to the Edinburgh Festival. In Festival. addition to performing a three week run at The “‘A stream of inspired lunacy .. a Gilded Balloon, she went on to be a finalist in the rollercoaster ride, full of violent, unex- Channel 4 sponsored So You THINK YOU’RE pected twistsand delivered at breakneck FUNNY AWARD. Last year Lucy returned to pace. The Fringe to star in a stand-up show alongside The Stage Martin Bigpig. I”Phil Nichol is one of the most bril- More recently Lucy has contributed to a range of liantly talented actors 1 have ever seen comedy documentaries for Granada Television ... and and Greater Manchester Radio. In addition to extremely funny .. a genuine star” having done a number of television reviews for Evening News Radio 5 Live, Lucy is a regular cast member on FLAT EARTH, GMR’s regular Sunday show. ,”Skipping nimbly back and forth Her TV credits include ITV’s FUNNY BUSI- across the line that divides comedy and NESS and C4’s GAS. dementia-” “‘Solid filth free laughs and very sharp wit”.’ The Scotsman The Comedy Review “A rising star - one of the faces to watch out “if you can understand English and for.” you.re allowed out of the house alone, The Big Issue you have no excuse to miss this show.” Three Weeks n Thursday 11th February 1999 Surrey Pride 11

Surrey Pride Star Profile Sports International an The Cleanest Sheet in Surrey Number 12, Adam Bowen Iron Mike Back Behind Bars Hindhead AFC 0 GI Reserves 6

ike Tyson’s boxing career to be determined. The sentence e finally did it! Eleven sure that saw Hodgetts make a has probably come to an could lead to a review of Tyson’s games into our virgin save which deserved the white- end after he was jailed license by the Nevada State Athletic Wseason as a side, the wash all by itself and took the M Graduate and Industrial year res, attack to the oppo. Camped in after a road rage incident. Tyson Commission. Tyson can appeal kicked one motorist and punched within 30 days. If the appeal is grant- finally kept their onion bag as their half for most of the 45, we another after a minor three-car acci- ed, he would stand trial on the free from balls as a eunuchs off- were disappointed to only put dent in Maryland last August. charges. The two victims of the road white Y-fronts. This magnificent three more past them as Baldo rage attack settled out of court, and feat was only achieved by the and Taffy worked well up front, In December, Tyson pleaded no con- were against sending Tyson to jail. procurement of some fantastic with Spooner and Fitzygibbon test, meaning he neither protested the Tyson’s wife, Monica testified on her mid-season transfers from the providing the engine to Brucie’s charges nor admitted guilt. Tyson husband’s behalf and said he was management team, as new boy steam roller in midfield. With could have received up to 20 years in under a tremendous amount of stress Gorman delivered a man of the Morton and Van Cleef providing jail. He was sentenced to two years at the time of the assault because of match winning performance some solid wingplay, the goals in jail on each count with one year his debts and his boxing suspension. alongside jailbait Cake in the came from Gorman’s converted suspended, running concurrently. He centre of defence. Full backs corner, Baldo’s cool strike from Vital Stats; was also fined $5,000 and will have Prosecutors, however, hammered Muppet Linden and Ackbar outside the box and perhaps the to serve two years’ probation and away at Tyson’s violent past, refer- Bannister gave accomplished most dubious goal ever scored as Age: 23 perform 200 hours of community ring to the fighter as a time bomb displays at the back and provid- Skipper Cleef’s through ball Dept: Ex Civ Eng service upon release. With good waiting to explode. To be fair to ed excellent support play for the evaded both our strikers and the behaviour, he could be released in Tyson, it is true that for most of his attackers. With Gorman and keepers scuffed clearance to nes- Nicknames: Valleys, Welshie Bannister providing an awesome tle in the back of the net. We Measurements: 6”1’ six months. But authorities must career he had been used by man- also decide if Tyson has violated his agers, promoters and lawyers alike in aerial threat from Surrey’s cor- could have hit a dozen but were Sporting Interests (and why?): Windsurfing (I get wet probation from his 1991 rape convic- their attempts to squeeze every cent ners the visitors were soon 3-0 happy with the win and clean in rubber!) tion. Tyson was released in 1995 they could out Mike’s increasing for- up as Ackbar headed home and sheet to end a two game losing striker Taffy Goodwin notched streak which puts us back in the Marital Status: Definitely under the thumb! after serving three years of a six-year tune. The result left Tyson almost sentence, and his probation was set penniless as recently as last year. twice to give us a comfortable hunt for promotion. A fantastic Personal Info; to expire in March. The decision Tyson was never shown love and half time lead. The half time performance all round, including came three weeks after Tyson’s suc- affection by those close to his boxing team talk centred around consol- a superb cameo from Buntas What is your favourite feature? cessful comeback against Francois interests; instead these people turned idation as our home game London, which casts selection My impeccable Welsh charm [a large Golden Sheep medallion Botha, his first fight since he lost his him into the fiercest, fighting against Hindhead saw us nar- problems for the absentees, both hanging between his loins - Sports Ed.] license for biting Evander machine ever to walk into a ring. rowly hold on to a 4-0 half time explained and unexplained What do you go for in a woman? Holyfield’s ears during a champi- Sadly, this aggressiveness in the lead, 4-3. The ref, Manuel, (mentioning no names Daniel added his own little pearl of wis- Reid!!). Even with a relaxed ver- Great tits and arse, cute face - with at least half a brain [the half onship bout in June 1997. squared circle spilled out, ultimately destroying the man formerly known dom, that we should “keep calm, sion of the train to play and play that likes to say YES!] as they slow and fat, and when for your place policy that the Favourite Drink? Vodka and Orange Tyson was scheduled to fight April as Iron Mike Tyson. 24 in Las Vegas against an opponent by George Pavlou late not mean harm but have Student portion of the Club Favourite Food? Chilli inadequate talent of football!” attempts to employ, I think the Favourite Music? R.E.M. Si, senor! ‘go awol in a (probably) pissed Hungover Hockey up stupor’, Reid ammendment is Sporting Info: The second half saw Surrey’s pushing it a bit. Hope she was Mid Surrey 1st X1 v Surrey Birds X1 1 - 1 domination complete as we worth it! What does Surrey Sport give you? weathered a brief spell of pres- Van Cleef The usual, memory loss, a bad head on a Thursday morning, first inding eleven players for this approaching balls with her arms, you dibs on Langley’s sloppy seconds! match proved hard. We resort- are in goal next! This led to a penalty First Past the Post by Eddie What is your; Fed to using the microphone on flick, which sent Helen into a bit of a stage in the union on Friday night to panic. After a quick coaching session most memorable moment in Surrey Sport? hope you had a bit of luck owners at the rewarding each find another player. This was after by Becky about how to make yourself last weekend, as I managed a way price of 40-1. Achieving University Half Colours for Windsurfing asking what seemed like every look big and stare them out Helen I103-1 treble and a second funniest moment you can recall from your days at Surrey? female in the union. Nobody seemed was ready. Her opponent must have place out of five selections. Hoh Further details of the William Running across campus in the nude at 5am after losing all my very keen on the 9.45am start! been scared because she flicked it Express and Teaatral both won Hill stock market flotation were clothes during the BUSA conference. over the top of the goal. This was at Sandown, where Torduff recently revealed. Budding worst injury? None However, we were all there in the followed by jubilant screams of “ Express finished a distant share owners can register to worst STD? None spirit but not in body early in the we’ll buy you a jug Helen!” fourth, Tonoco won by a head at receive the prospectus at any Do you have any sporting superstitions? No morning. After a munchie stop on the Wetherby and Fiddling the Facts betting outlet, but will need to way and after going down a lot of After half time we became even more was bridesmaid again in coming buy a minimum of £1000 worth wrong roads we made it to University determined to score. Our teamwork second to Irish mudlark, Him of of shares, expected to be valued How does Surrey Sport affect your Social/Private life? of London astro. We had a quick tac- was evident as we put more and more Praise. These figures take me to at 150 - 170 pence each when Enhances one/ Destroys the other tic talk and an even quicker warm up pressure on their defence, eventually 15 winners and 10 making the trading begins on 1st March. and then set about with determination breaking with a goal by Kelly as she frame from 37 selections. Amateur jockey, Caroline Haddow, celebrated her first Is sex better before or after sport? to win this match. This was with the slammed it past the goalie. We held usual Saturday morning hangover (s) on to this score well with tight mark- This weekend, there is not an winner on her first ride when I regard sex like a Martini - it’s great anytime, anyplace, anywhere. or in Jill’s case not yet at the hang- ing in the defence. Our fitness train- awful lot happening outside of she shocked the rest of the field over stage! ing was evidently coming in handy as Sandown. Nevertheless, up at in taking Melomania to the Who is your sporting role model? we all had far more stamina that kept Haydock, I take Island Chief to winner’s enclosure at 40-1. The J.P.R. Williams (apparently THE most famous Welsh rugby play- We started off well with an immedi- us going. Unfortunately within the sneak it from fellow Irish run- 17-year-old had only had her er of all time!) - [No, I didn’t forget to type this answer in, but I ate attack on their goal. Unfortunately last five minutes the opposition man- ner, Step On Eyre, in the licence for two weeks, and suppose being Welsh, Holly and Adam don’t have to many other this was followed by a constant attack aged to score as they rammed it £15,000 Mad Hatter Handicap needed to be helped to her feet Chase. Back on the A3, after dismounting as her legs sports personalities to idolise] on our own goal. Helen was amazing through Helens pads! Considering for her first time in goal, saving how much pressure had been on our Earthmover should not have too ‘turned to jelly’! Top owner in everything! The whole team marked defence this was a good score to much problem disposing of the both USA and Europe, Which sports personality would you most like to meet? well and consequently kept the ball come away with. opposition in the extended three American born Paul Mellon, Not really a sports personality, but the man I feel has done the most out. When we did break the ball got and a quarter mile Mitsubishi died earlier this month at the for Welsh rugby (zzzzzz!) in the last 30 years - Max Boyce!! [Not down the pitch quickly with the for- Thanks to Jimmy for umpiring, we’ll Colt chase. However, the for- ripe old age of 91, after having Gregor Townsend then?] wards passing well between each not mention the long corner again! mer hunter still has a bit to been ill for some time. prove following a fall in his last other. This was followed by a few Thanks to Sam for stepping in, please outing. In the Mitsubishi Perhaps the most famous race- narrow misses on goal. come again and to Helen for playing Shogun chase, Ask Tom will horse to don his colours over Sum yourself up in 3 words? Pissed Welsh Bloke in the dreaded goal! probably need the run after an the last seven decades was the Still the ball was kept out by the Chick with stick eleven month break, so I am legendary Mill Reef, although Holly’s nominated question; Were your Mallet and Balls wor- defence, with Anna even deflecting going for Lake Kariba, who Mr. Mellon was still taking thy of applause after a post BO’s match of Croquet? Campusport & Campusdance will appreciate the extra furlong great pride in seeing his latest I couldn’t possibly comment. You’d have to ask those present! of the seventeen to be raced. triumph in a low key race in Interdepartmental Sport. on; who attends, why they attend, The big race of the day is January. Phil Smith, British Now that you are a Star of the Pride, which question would undoubtedly the £100,000 Tote Horseracing Board handicapper ID Sport is under way for this semes- what they like or what they would you like added to the profile list for next weeks Star, Tennis improve, is collected from all of the Gold Trophy, in which some of for chasers, received the full ter. Please check the notice board in the hurdlers aiming for a tilt at support of the BHB following a superhero, Graham Swallow? Allegedly, you have been likened the sports centre for up to date infor- classes and courses. This information to a particular breed of canine, would you care to elaborate on this is used to improve the programme for the Cheltenham festival prize series of complaints from dis- mation, fixtures and scores. money will be having their final gruntled trainers. The former and tell us if your facial ornaments are real or not! the future. More importantly it is used by Barry Hitchcock, the Sports preparation race. A third of the teacher, previously responsible Sports Courses. five-day entrants contested last for handicapping sprinters on Director, when trying to improve Thankyou, Mr. Bowen, who is currently engaged in some cut- Book now for the next round of 5 year’s top novice’s crown, with the flat, replaced the much sport at the University of Surrey. ting edge research investigating the effects of Vodaphone use week courses. Including Squash, some improving more than oth- respected Christopher Golf, Body Max and Body Blast. ers this season. There is not Mordaunt on 1st January, and on the aesthetic appeal of his Wedding tackle. Known to fre- The evaluation is the means by which much value to be found with has run into a barrage of criti- quent BoJ’s in varying states of a drunken stupor, females may you can have your say for the future. the two favourites, Tiutchev cism over his harsh treatment of consider themselves duly warned should he, disguised as an Evaluation Project Spring 1999 If you are a regular participant at our and top-weight Wahiba Sands, a number of horses. Visitors to classes or courses please make every attempt to recruit windsurfers, offer to talk them through the so I am plumping for Brighton racecourse on their process of rigging up! He serves up a fantastic question for the An evaluation of the classes and effort to turn up and to have you say. courses of Campusport and Rainwatch. One to look for is first meeting of the flat season unfortunately named Mr. Swallow, who is cordially invited to If you do not participate in any of the Campusdance will be taking place the returning to form Vent on April 29th will see the first pop in to the BF office on Monday morning, if he can bear to classes or courses but would like to D’Aout, whose stablemate stage of a £1.3 million facelift from the 14th Feb for 2 weeks. have your say please write a note or tear himself away from trimming the hedge. Fifteen - love. This is your chance to make a difference! clinched second place in this to rejuvenate the South Coast call in to the Sports Centre reception. race two years ago for the same course. During the Evaluation information Jon Perrin Surrey Pride Ultimate Frisbee Macho Males or comes to Surrey. Simply Stupid

hey say that the female GYBE?? that day. Dan proceed- having his own species is of a higher ed to forget everything that he little adventure, Tintelligence than the learnt on the RYA 1 course by and after travers- male and when no female wind- sailing right across the reservoir ing the lake surfers turned up at the crack of and forgetting the way home. claimed to have dawn on Sunday, the rumour Firos made a brave attempt to cramp in his arm gained a tonne of momentum. believe that he was sailing his and left the Even so, it was the first wind- native waters of Greece but was waters for a for- surfing day of the year and we soon running for the showers age in the under- went anyway. The happy six shouting something about being growth that bet you have always ground in mid-flight. testosterone driven fellas fornicatingly cold! However, he would leave thought that the only time lugged our equipment into the did achieve the longest shower David Bellamy Ito chuck a Frisbee about The winner is the first team to dodgiest minibus on campus of the day putting in a stagger- flying the flag of was while on the beach? Well score a predetermined number and made our way to Queen ing 60 minutes under the sprin- the green eyed you’d be wrong, there is a team of points. Mary’s Reservoir. kler (What could have occupied monster. His fun sport based around the Frisbee him for so long?). was only cut called Ultimate Frisbee. Spirit. We arrived to find a pleasant short by the time- force 4 (gusting 5) northerly Hugo made his first entry into ly intervention of watching the sunset we con- Ultimate is a non-contact sport whipping up a somewhat empty the waters (Virgin Surrey the rescue boat! cluded that it was “a great day; Ultimate is an exciting, non- - any contact between players reservoir. We were the ONLY Windsurfer) on his arse and To seal Hugo’s very commend- lovely winds, loads of sunshine contact team sport, played by which affects play can be windsurfers, however, and pro- commemorated the achieve- able first day, it was my turn to ...and bloody arctic tempera- thousands the world over. It declared a foul. But there are ceeded to rig up in a show of ment by uttering “f@c% it’s sail the waves. Without my har- tures - but 2 out of 3 ain’t bad!” mixes the best features of no referees. Players make their courageous/damn stupid brava- cold!!” I was beginning to ness (Yes, Jason, you did forget sports such as Soccer, own foul calls, and it is the duty do and donned the wetsuits. question the ‘Do or Die!’ spirit to give it to me!) my first icy We’re back next week, clima- Basketball, American Football of all players to settle disputes Thomas, Trevor, Firos and Dan exhibited at 10am as Hugo left bath of the day was quick in tised and set for a much warmer and Netball into an elegantly fairly. This is part of what is were the first to grace the the shore on Dan’s equipment, coming. In an attempt to show day, Honest!!! simple yet fascinating and known as “the Spirit of the waters and Thomas was last who had exhausted every ounce how it should be done, the only Jamesy demanding game. Game”, a central philosophy seen leaving the shore before of strength left in him to make record I broke was the sea-land behind Ultimate that largely disappearing from sight before it back with body and pride cold water to hot shower speed If you want to join the mad- When describing Ultimate, eliminates the gamesmanship bailing on the first attempt of a intact. Trevor at this point was record! Sitting in the bar, ness, Friday 1pm upstairs in comparisons with other team and “off the ball” incidents that sports are inevitable, but the can spoil other sports. truth is it’s unlike any other Birds Bounce Back A Bolloxy Title! sport. Men and women play on “Ultimate stresses sportsman- the same teams. There are no ship and fair play. Competitive UniS WRFC 19 Hertfordshire Uni 17 Paul Cliff, Sports Editor referees. The rules are simple, play is encouraged, but never but the strategies can be com- at the expense of respect ast Wednesday saw the from a first-rate side we put in ith a pretty success- night, from 7pm, where hot plex. between players, adherence to first round of the BUSA some quality tackles and ful first stage of the food and beer deals are avail- the rules, and the basic joy of Lknockouts and the mullered a couple of their play- WBUSA knockouts able. It’s a fast-moving, fast-thinking play.” – WFDF WRFC had an away fixture to ers. Our skipper had a bit of a last Wednesday (wins for game that has grown from its Hertfordshire. head blow with their no.8 and Netball, Women’s Rugby, Elsewhere, Formula One motor origins in the late sixties If you think that you would like After a stressful bus journey, we unfortunately their best player Men’s Squash, Men’s and racing once again becomes U.S.A. into a world-wide phe- to give Ultimate Frisbee then arrived at a hovel (a.k.a. had to retire from the match. A Women’s Volleyball, and 3 embroiled in controversy as the nomenon. we have 2 practice times: Hertfordshire uni's rugby reluctant Beth went off for the Men’s Football teams) the sports top drivers have ground) and were greeted by an rest of the first half with sus- Surrey Pride rolls on to another expressed anger and frustration How do you play it? Sundays 12.00pm - 2.00pm irate Frank Butcher look-a-like pected concussion. fantastic Wednesday afternoon towards the F1 governing body, (Starting 7th Feb) at the CAM- who turned out to be the ref. After half time some great runs of sport this week with four FIA, and its president, Max The best way to make sense of PUSPORT Sports Hall. Frank seemed overly concerned and tackles from Claire, Dianne, football games, one hockey, Mosely, over proposed changes Ultimate is to see it being about the time and daylight, or Bernie and Tracy and some out- one netball, squash and tennis to the regulations surrounding played, but these are the basics; Wednesdays 1.00pm - 3.00pm lack of, so after a quick change standing passing that even matches at the Varsity with car specification in a bid to Ultimate is a game of two (Starting 17th Feb) at the and jaunt up the pitch, the UniS Rocky would have been proud mens volleyball at make the sport safer. The bone teams of seven players, played Staghill Pitches (Opposite team were composed and ready of ("That nearly looked like Campusport. No doubt blood, of most contention, appears to on a pitch of comparable size to NatWest Bank). for action. For a team who are rugby!") led to a superb try from sweat and tears will be shed on be the addition of a fourth a soccer field. The last 25 yards usually one (or so) woman down Beth and was converted by the our hallowed soil as these groove onto harder compound at each end of the pitch are the At these sessions there will be a at the beginning of a match, for Duracell Bunny to put us in the brave warriors battle to carry tyres, which reduces grip even “endzones”. A goal is scored chance for you to have a go at once we were competing against lead 19-12. A now slightly the Colours into the next round further than the three groove by passing the disc to a mem- playing, just watch or ask any a team with an equal number of cocky Surrey side started to plan of our inter-galactic (almost!!) amendment change to last ber of your team standing (or questions that you have. players, and this only added to for the night ahead and what struggle against the oppression years racing tyres. Most drivers more likely running!) in the You can contact me Ben our confidence. Bo's might bring, before a lucky of Sports Institute’s and claim that far from increasing endzone your team is attacking. McCormack at cs81bm or ext. The first half saw strong scrum- break form Herts and some tired Facility’s of Sporting the safety of the cars, the new 4194 and I will be happy to ming from the Surrey team, Surrey legs caused a final score Excellence. Who will win out? tyres will compound even the Players cannot run with the answer any questions that you which led to two trys from 'our of 19-17. A big hand to all the Only time (and next weeks slightest mistake in cornering disc. A team can therefore only have. marathon runner' Tracy, who girls who turned up at Bo's, for pages of Surrey Pride) will tell! as the driver’s find it easier to move the disc upfield by Don’t worry if you have never left the opposition in her dust once we really did have some- push the cars to the limit, and throwing it from player to play- heard of Ultimate before, as (or great clumps of mud as the thing to celebrate. Looking ahead to this week’s eventually exceed it, causing er. The defending team takes most people there will be in the pitch was so awful!!) But some Final Note: O.K., so maybe action away from Surrey, an increase, not the FIA possession if the disc touches same situation. unlucky penalty mistakes we have had a pretty bad sea- Howard Wilkinson run’s the claimed decrease, in spinning the ground, or if they make an Come along and give it a go. allowed the oppositions fly half son, but at least we win when it gauntlet in what is simultane- and therefore, collisions. interception by catching the Ben McCormack to score twice and convert once. counts lads. ously claimed to be the best Furthermore, drivers claim that disc or knocking it to the Once we realized Herts were far by Jodie Bryant and worst job in English foot- the proposed changes may ball as he prepares his squad ‘sterilise’ the sport, as thrilling Stingers rocked by Knights for Wednesday’s friendly clash overtaking manoeuvres against World Champions, become a thing of the past and he Surrey Stingers wel- On the day, it seemed that for good. But worse was to the Stingers was 155 yards France. Despite a few key races degenerate into a contest comed the Reading Surrey’s worst enemy were come, the Knights scored again while the passing yardage was injuries, the mood in England’s of lap times and grid starts. TKnights on Sunday, themselves, the number of to set the score at 18-14. The 14, all thanks to our excellent training camp at Bisham’s hoping to continue their good penalties they got against them Stingers then, needing 5 points Offensive line and our other Abbey is reported to be posi- All the very best to those com- tive, ahead of this game, crucial peting on Wednesday (did you run from last semester. for silly mistakes played a major to win, meant a field goal(3- offensive players. in the minds of the England win?) and over the weekend, However, things do not always part in the game. On a number points) would not be enough. The Stingers defence and players ahead of next month’s and I’ll expect some fantastic turn out the way one expects. of occasions, the Stingers’ The Stingers kept trying to run offence gave it their best and Euro qualifier against Poland, reports on my desk at 9am The Stingers started off on a defence showed their strength the ball upfield, but were called none can say that they did not in what could be viewed as a Monday morning. No, late high, playing power football only for penalties to give the back again, leading to a have reason to keep their heads warm up match for next week’s Valentine’s Day night hang- and running all over the Knights the advantage back. turnover on the Knights’ 5-yard up after that performance. Premiership clash between over’s are not an excuse for late Knights’ defence for the first The second half started off with line. They got the ball into the Unlucky result for the Stingers, ManUtd and Arsenal, given the submission Mr. Sports Officer. Touchdown of the game. The another strong run by the red zone(0-20 yards) 3 times in but they can still make the play- generous scattering of their Knights then struck back twice Stingers, where they again took the last five minutes, but could offs with two good victories players throughout the squads. Write About Sport; Write The game will be shown at the About The Surrey Pride before the end of the half and the lead and looked to be able not seem to find the right com- over Hertfordshire and Varsity centre on Wednesday the score was 12-7 Knights. to finally overcome the Knights binations. The total rushing for Kent.Yeti, Jorn-Are Johansen