Dating Tip #77: Google the person. Thursday, October 15, 2015 12A The Valdosta Daily Times The video !! art of brain tra surgery

FROM JOE Medical Degrees: 0 Malpractice Suits: Too many to count XX he patient is readied. My #vdtxtra assistants are ready. My Thands are washed. It’s time to start on an appendectomy. Just as I make my first incision, I get the horrific realization I forgot some- thing. Maybe it’s the fact the patient just let out a bone-chilling that could be heard by everyone on the helipad six stories above us. My lead assistant looks at me, not really im- pressed with my minor mistake. “You know, that wasn’t really the proper procedure,” he tells me, as calm as ever. The chief surgeon, trying to make par 3 on the 15th in one stroke, had his phone go off just as he made the shot. When he stormed into my vicinity, I thought he was going to wrap his 5-iron around my throat. “I am outraged at your unbelievable incompetence!” he roared in my direc- tion. Gee, thanks. I found out later his shot wound up beaning someone Gerald Ford-style. My job was now to take care of this guy. JOE By the way, I should point out that I’m really just playing a game — “Life and Death,” a game by Software Toolworks which came out in 1988. The first game focused on the lower body — the appendix, the stomach, etc. Its sequel, “Life and Death II,” focused on the brain. It could be argued these games are the spiritual predecessor to the more well-known “Sur- geon Simulator,” a game where you haphazardly perform surgeries that consist of dropping a transplanted organ in the right place, not doing everything with precision as the “Life and Death” games require. Both L&D games are available on the Internet Archive’s Software Archive. A postmortem analysis of a surgery gone horribly wrong in Life & DeathOnce 1. again, one incision on the golf ball patient and I was done. Apparently I did it wrong. Ben Carson I am not. I went from failed appendix surgeon to failed brain surgeon. “Were you auditioning for the next ?” the chief surgeon roared at me. “Get to class before I call the police, you quack!” It was there the chief surgeon held class about how to and how not to do proper surgical procedures. Upon walking in, I got the very unfortunate name “Dr. Oz” from everyone in class. One person suggested I meet up with Oprah Winfrey and get my own TV show. The straw that broke the camel’s back came that evening. Checking a patient for sensory de- fects, I kind of sort of accidentally stuck a pin in a patient’s eye. I was forc- ibly removed later that day and asked to find something else for my source of income. Next week, I’ll look at these games’ spiritual successor, “Surgeon Simulator.” Wish me luck. And my patients.

Joe Adgie can be reached at [email protected]. JOE

The chief surgeon reads the player the riot act after badly botching a surgery in Life & Death II. THE LIST Favorite Place to Hang Out: Desiree: Ashley Street Station Stuart: Grassroots Coffee Joe: In my living room at Jason: Starbucks home in front of my computer Kristin: Applebee’s What would your pick be? Paige: Bleu Pub Tell us on Twitter using #vdtxtra. JOE Adam: My couch Dark humor. Got to love it.

that make her both obnoxious - humor mixed with mystery. and amazing. It’s set around a string of murders Probably the greatest part is that that begin happening on a college cam Chanel takes no interest in learning her pus 20 years after a tragic sorority death. “minions’” names, thus calling them - Although ratings have been slipping Chanel #2, #3, and so on. - for the show, Fox hopes big-name stars So far the show is only a few episodes like , , Ja in, but I feel it is worth your time if you’re looking for a new, humorous ad mie Lee Curtis, and, of course, Emma - Roberts will keep it afloat. The network diction. also hopes delayed viewership through It will also make you wish you were services like will show higher num BFFs with or that you bers. actually were her. To be fair, I haven’t had cable in years Let’s all take a moment to be and can only afford Hulu, so I am one of bummed out that we can’t be the queens the “” fans contributing of fictional sororities with a horde of to the delayed viewership. Sorry, queens. minions and a two-story closet. It is my humble belief that Roberts’ character, Chanel Oberlin, truly makes the show and reflects a persona I totally wish I had. can She’s a rude, snotty sorority girl with Desiree Carver impeccable fashion sense and an be reached at desiree. undying devotion to pumpkin spice - [email protected]. lattes. Her fake cries, foot-stomping tan trums and condescending care for the “little people” are just a few of the things

Why Emma Roberts

so far am digging the style of “Coven.” This sparked my vague realization that ASSOCIATED PRESS is my spiritEmma animal Roberts is kind of awesome. FROM DESIREE However, it’s her role in the new series “Scream Queens” that spoke to me on a - am just now watching “Ameri- spiritual level. “Scream Queens” is a show that makes can Horror Story: Coven” be- , from left, , Nasim Pedrad, Abigail Breslin, , , Lea Michele, cause I am a slacker. fun of itself in the best way. It perfectly Emma Roberts, and Summerparticipate Tour. I I have a deepwith fascination witch cultureand utilizes all theror cheesy while elements maintainingsense of of hor a in the ‘Scream TelevisionQueens’ panel Critics at theAssociation Fox

13A Thursday, October 15, 2015 A ssociated The Valdosta Daily Times

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ed. I want to like the show. I want to love acters: Film Age of Ultron”), and the show. I want to be a fan. But I’m not. who has the ability to International Toronto the of six day on Reborn’ ‘Heroes for premiere sometimes less is more, The show’s creators literally blow up teleport and Miko Otomo which is evident by ’s the past. The first episode opens with who appears to have the pow- near-perfect “Daredevil” series. a terroristic attack that kills hundreds er to enter a video game dimension. during the terroristic attack targets other “Heroes: Reborn” still has potential, of evolved humans at a unity event in But the new characters are overshad- “evos” in a killing spree and there’s even a and maybe I should wait to judge the mini- Odessa, Texas. The attack establishes the owed by original series character Noah side character struggling with an abusive series as a whole when it wraps later this political climate in which the characters Bennet and his baggage with “the com- step-father. year, but I need it to be less. If it can man- live and provides a mystery for characters pany.” It’s all just too much, and I haven’t even age that, then “Heroes” might be able to to solve. Actually, everyone in “Heroes: Reborn” gotten around to discussing the creepy guy get out of the cheerleader-saving business The problem is “Heroes: Reborn” is seems to have too much baggage, even the in the hat, the return of as and save itself. literally and figuratively building on top new characters: a veteran an adult, being labelled of rubble. drowning in family guilt and possibly a terrorist and the fact that we are sup- The show feels clunky, overstuffed and PTSD takes up the mantle of his fallen posed to believe , the inde- still too reliant on past events and charac- luchador vigilante brother (which seems structible girl, was killed in the terrorist Adam Floyd can be #567: Tip Dating ters to ever really gain a new audience and like it could be its own movie), the father attack (In reality, she is starring in “Nash- reached at adam. may further alienate old fans. of a child with evolved abilities who died ville” on ABC, but I’m crossing my fingers [email protected].

EVENTS youryourphone.phone.offdate toyou UnlessGet want There’shere.judgment no What’s happening around town?

Ashley Street Station Ned and the Dirt w/ Slims @ 9 p.m. Todd Nance (of Wide- spread Panic) and Friends w/ Reverend @ 10 p.m. (tickets at freshtix.com) TBA Lorin Walker Madsen and the Hustlers @ 10 p.m. Chase Neil and the Wisebloods @ 10 p.m.

Bleu Cafe Brandon Reeves @ 7-10 p.m. Darren and Rob How To Wedding Party @ 7-9 p.m. FROM STUART 1. This isn’t a movie to hide from that one in-law, a place to Salty Snapper catch a breath. If you’re at a church, Does either of them have a jealous ex Whatever your go-to wedding movie Jarrod Brogdon find an empty choir room. If not, any who mentioned crashing a wedding on is — “Wedding Crashers,” “My Big isolated room with no through-traffic @ 6-9 p.m. Fat Greek Wedding,” “The Graduate” Facebook? Figure out what you need to will suffice. do to make the wedding run smoothly. The Remedy @ 7-11 p.m. — just forget it. Most of being in a wed (patio); The Little Henry Band @ ding party is waiting around and wait - 4. Be early 6. Smile ing to be helpful or follow directions. - 8-11 p.m. (Main Stage) If the wedding party is going the You would think your wedding Dirty Bird and the Flu 2. Stay sober rent-a-tux route, pick them up early and responsibilities would end when they double check everything. Large men’s walk down the aisle together, but you’ve @ 7-11 p.m. (Patio); Jukebox Old- Weddings are not exempt from Mur stores like Men’s Wearhouse deal with probably got a good hour of wedding ies @ 8-11 p.m. (Main Stage) phy’s Law. Something will go wrong. - hundreds if not thousands of weddings photos afterwards. Smile, even if you’re Cosmic Voice Maybe something minor like the ring at a time. The odds are something — a bearer getting stage fright or someone tired and your shoes don’t fit because @ 6-9 p.m. vest, a tie, a left shoe — is going to end forgetting the flowers, maybe something you didn’t follow rule #4, even if you Tanner Strickland up in the wrong place. While we’re on it, tripped earlier when your heels sunk major such as the rings are missing and pick up everything early — people, flow @ 6-9 p.m. so is the bride and/or groom. Whatever into surprise mud and that groomsman ers — and show up for everything early.- you kept making eyes at last night dur Lineage @ 6-9 p.m. happens, being three drinks in will not help. 5. Know your role ing the rehearsal dinner is now joined- by his fiancee. 3. Establish a base Like being on a baseball team or an RPG party, figure out what role you 7. Eat. Drink. Dance. Find a place at the wedding site need to play. Does the bride need a glass where your half of the wedding party of wine to soothe her nerves or some can bunker down: a place to store phone one to make jokes? Does the groom need- chargers and changes of clothes, a place a glass of water to soothe his hangover Stuart Taylor can be or someone to keep an eye on the clock? reached at stuart.taylor@ gaflnews.com. Ashley Street Station Happy Hour from 5-7 p.m. ($2 wells, $5 pitchers, $1.50 Rolling Rock, Natty Lt, PBR, High Life, or Schlitz) Bleu Pub $2 PBR Tallboy and High Life Happy Hour from 5-7 p.m. and $2 off all Whiskey midnight to 2 a.m. ($1 PBR, $2 wells, $4 craft drafts) Happy Hour all night $2 wells all night $1 PBR Tallboys all night Bleu Cafe $3 craft drafts all night Happy hour from 5-7 p.m. ($3 craft drafts, $3 well liquors, $3 house wines). Drink Lucky’s Happy hour $2 domestic bottles & fireball all day. $2 whiskey & 5 domestic pitcher $2 wells all night Penny Budlight & Yuengling 11-1, $3 O Bombs & Grape Sodas Mulligan’s $1 Natty & PBR Draft $2 Tuesday (except top shelf and Redbull) $2 domestic draft $2 bottles, Jaeger Bombs and Fireball, Spec als $1 Natty & Rolling Rock cans $8 liquor pitchers $2 wells and bottles 8 dollar buckets, 2 dollar well. $3.50 Midshelf, $2 bottles Dating Tip #34: Netflix isn’t a date, ESPECIALLY for a first date. Stop it. Pay $10 for a movie. Be in public.