Why Emma Roberts Is My Spirit Animal
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Dating Tip #77: Google the person. Thursday, October 15, 2015 12A The Valdosta Daily Times The video !! art of brain tra surgery FROM JOE Medical Degrees: 0 Malpractice Suits: Too many to count XX he patient is readied. My #vdtxtra assistants are ready. My Thands are washed. It’s time to start on an appendectomy. Just as I make my first incision, I get the horrific realization I forgot some- thing. Maybe it’s the fact the patient just let out a bone-chilling scream that could be heard by everyone on the helipad six stories above us. My lead assistant looks at me, not really im- pressed with my minor mistake. “You know, that wasn’t really the proper procedure,” he tells me, as calm as ever. The chief surgeon, trying to make par 3 on the 15th in one stroke, had his phone go off just as he made the shot. When he stormed into my vicinity, I thought he was going to wrap his 5-iron around my throat. “I am outraged at your unbelievable incompetence!” he roared in my direc- tion. Gee, thanks. I found out later his shot wound up beaning someone Gerald Ford-style. My job was now to take care of this guy. JOE By the way, I should point out that I’m really just playing a game — “Life and Death,” a game by Software Toolworks which came out in 1988. The first game focused on the lower body — the appendix, the stomach, etc. Its sequel, “Life and Death II,” focused on the brain. It could be argued these games are the spiritual predecessor to the more well-known “Sur- geon Simulator,” a game where you haphazardly perform surgeries that consist of dropping a transplanted organ in the right place, not doing everything with precision as the “Life and Death” games require. Both L&D games are available on the Internet Archive’s Software Archive. A postmortem analysis of a surgery gone horribly wrong in Life & DeathOnce 1. again, one incision on the golf ball patient and I was done. Apparently I did it wrong. Ben Carson I am not. I went from failed appendix surgeon to failed brain surgeon. “Were you auditioning for the next slasher film?” the chief surgeon roared at me. “Get to class before I call the police, you quack!” It was there the chief surgeon held class about how to and how not to do proper surgical procedures. Upon walking in, I got the very unfortunate name “Dr. Oz” from everyone in class. One person suggested I meet up with Oprah Winfrey and get my own TV show. The straw that broke the camel’s back came that evening. Checking a patient for sensory de- fects, I kind of sort of accidentally stuck a pin in a patient’s eye. I was forc- ibly removed later that day and asked to find something else for my source of income. Next week, I’ll look at these games’ spiritual successor, “Surgeon Simulator.” Wish me luck. And my patients. Joe Adgie can be reached at [email protected]. JOE The chief surgeon reads the player the riot act after badly botching a surgery in Life & Death II. THE LIST Favorite Place to Hang Out: Desiree: Ashley Street Station Stuart: Grassroots Coffee Joe: In my living room at Jason: Starbucks home in front of my computer Kristin: Applebee’s What would your pick be? Paige: Bleu Pub Tell us on Twitter using #vdtxtra. JOE Adam: My couch Dark humor. Got to love it. that make her both obnoxious - humor mixed with mystery. and amazing. It’s set around a string of murders Probably the greatest part is that that begin happening on a college cam Chanel takes no interest in learning her pus 20 years after a tragic sorority death. “minions’” names, thus calling them - Although ratings have been slipping Chanel #2, #3, and so on. - for the show, Fox hopes big-name stars So far the show is only a few episodes like Lea Michele, Abigail Breslin, Ja in, but I feel it is worth your time if you’re looking for a new, humorous ad mie Lee Curtis, and, of course, Emma - Roberts will keep it afloat. The network diction. also hopes delayed viewership through It will also make you wish you were services like Hulu will show higher num BFFs with Emma Roberts or that you bers. actually were her. To be fair, I haven’t had cable in years Let’s all take a moment to be and can only afford Hulu, so I am one of bummed out that we can’t be the queens the “Scream Queens” fans contributing of fictional sororities with a horde of to the delayed viewership. Sorry, queens. minions and a two-story closet. It is my humble belief that Roberts’ character, Chanel Oberlin, truly makes the show and reflects a persona I totally wish I had. can She’s a rude, snotty sorority girl with Desiree Carver impeccable fashion sense and an be reached at desiree. undying devotion to pumpkin spice - [email protected]. lattes. Her fake cries, foot-stomping tan trums and condescending care for the “little people” are just a few of the things Why Emma Roberts so far am digging the style of “Coven.” This sparked my vague realization that ASSOCIATED PRESS is my spiritEmma animal Roberts is kind of awesome. FROM DESIREE However, it’s her role in the new series “Scream Queens” that spoke to me on a - am just now watching “Ameri- spiritual level. “Scream Queens” is a show that makes can Horror Story: Coven” be- Niecy Nash, from left, Diego Boneta, Nasim Pedrad, Abigail Breslin, Skyler Samuels, Keke Palmer, Lea Michele, cause I am a slacker. fun of itself in the best way. It perfectly Emma Roberts, and Jamie Lee Curtis Summerparticipate Tour. I I have a deepwith fascination witch cultureand utilizes all theror cheesy while elements maintainingsense of of hor a in the ‘Scream TelevisionQueens’ panel Critics at theAssociation Fox 13A Thursday, October 15, 2015 A ssociated The Valdosta Daily Times Press | Jack Heroes: Rehashed Coleman, from FROM ADAM ore than five years have past since left, Zac MNBC’s “Heroes” was cancelled, and the network has brought it h back this fall as a miniseries which ary only serves to remind us why the show was cancelled in the first Levi, place. I was a huge fan of “Heroes’” first J i season in 2006. I thought the battle cry, Je mmy “Save the Cheerleader, Save the World,” re. was lame, but the storytelling was inter- t an- esting, and the pacing was on point. a “Heroes” was like the X-Men, with G and Louis diverse and sometimes disparate people The rden that banded together by what makes them dif- “He- Hayden ferent from the rest of the world, their roes: Re- Grunber reg Panettiere unique powers and abilities. born” does will make a The show suffered a disastrous second at least try cameo in the season and never really recovered. It was to make itself future). l at The Winter Ga Winter The at l cancelled in 2010 after four seasons. accessible to new a attend g Sometimes more Now that the first few episodes of “He- viewers. There are is just more (I’m look- Festiva roes: Reborn” have hit the air, I’m conflict- two likable new char- ing at you, “Avengers: ed. I want to like the show. I want to love acters: Tommy Clark Film Age of Ultron”), and the show. I want to be a fan. But I’m not. who has the ability to International Toronto the of six day on Reborn’ ‘Heroes for premiere sometimes less is more, The show’s creators literally blow up teleport and Miko Otomo which is evident by Netflix’s the past. The first episode opens with who appears to have the pow- near-perfect “Daredevil” series. a terroristic attack that kills hundreds er to enter a video game dimension. during the terroristic attack targets other “Heroes: Reborn” still has potential, of evolved humans at a unity event in But the new characters are overshad- “evos” in a killing spree and there’s even a and maybe I should wait to judge the mini- Odessa, Texas. The attack establishes the owed by original series character Noah side character struggling with an abusive series as a whole when it wraps later this political climate in which the characters Bennet and his baggage with “the com- step-father. year, but I need it to be less. If it can man- live and provides a mystery for characters pany.” It’s all just too much, and I haven’t even age that, then “Heroes” might be able to to solve. Actually, everyone in “Heroes: Reborn” gotten around to discussing the creepy guy get out of the cheerleader-saving business The problem is “Heroes: Reborn” is seems to have too much baggage, even the in the hat, the return of Molly Walker as and save itself. literally and figuratively building on top new characters: a Los Angeles veteran an adult, Mohinder Suresh being labelled of rubble. drowning in family guilt and possibly a terrorist and the fact that we are sup- The show feels clunky, overstuffed and PTSD takes up the mantle of his fallen posed to believe Claire Bennet, the inde- still too reliant on past events and charac- luchador vigilante brother (which seems structible girl, was killed in the terrorist Adam Floyd can be Dating Tip #567: ters to ever really gain a new audience and like it could be its own movie), the father attack (In reality, she is starring in “Nash- reached at adam.