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Chemistry of Love

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Chemistry of Love 5/19/2014 WHAT TO Chemistry of Love EXPECT? • We Have The Chemistry: Stages of Love and Hormones + Break Up Hormone! • Love and Emotions • Love versus Lust • Triangle of Love • Your Definition of Don King Evangelista Love PNU | Lovestruck Convergence Social Media Head | Lovestruck Camp Praise and Worship Team Leader Life is all about relationships. The rest is We are created just details. relational beings. -Gary Smalley Kung may crush ka NORMAL ngayon, ibig sabihin lang nun, hindi ka abnormal. KILIGIN. 1 5/19/2014 Core Questions: • Is love = emotions? (Can we use our The question is that emotions to say that we are in love?) • Is love = lust? (Can we say that love is is your feelings equal to our urges?) • Is love just a result of hormones, Or is it reliable enough? something deeper? THREE STAGES OF ROMANTIC LOVE YOUR BRAIN (Helen Fisher- Rutgers University) Emotions/ Feelings Stage 3: are mainly Attachment Stage 2: dictated by the Attraction rush of the hormones in Stage 1: Lust our brain. STAGE 1: LUST - A very strong sexual desire. - A powerful psychological force Why am I not in favor producing intense wanting for an object that lust is the FIRST or circumstance fulfilling the emotion. - Driven by the sex hormones stage of love? testosterone and estrogen. 2 5/19/2014 "Love exists LUST is never above the belt, equal to LOVE. lust below. Love is lyrical. Lust is lewd.“ - John Money Lust vs love LOVE LUST You can love Others-centered Self-centered Patient Impatient purely without Easily satisfied Hard to satisfy Has nothing to hide Loves secrecy Brings peace Brings guilt and shame the starting Faithful Lacks commitment Focused on the inward Focused on the outward feeling of lust. beauty of a person attractive appearance STAGE 2: attraction DOPAMINE - This is the time you are truly - “pleasure” chemical “lovestrucked” and can think of little else. - Controlled by hormones dopamine, norepinephrine, phenylethylamine, serotonin. 3 5/19/2014 NOREPINEPHRINE - similar to adrenaline and DOPAMINE + produces racing heart and NOREPINEPHRINE excitement. elation, intense energy, sleeplessness, craving, loss of appetite and focused attention SEROTONIN The prefrontal cortex - “feels good” hormone - infatuation hormone controls our emotions. At age 20 – it is only the time when the prefrontal cortex FULLY DEVELOPS. 4 5/19/2014 ‘When you look at someone you are passionate about, some areas of the brain become active,’ he says. ‘But a large part is de- activated, the part that plays a role in judgment.’ –Semir Zeki There is attraction at Do not equate first sight, but not love infatuation with love. at first sight. All love starts with a sense of attraction or liking – physical, spiritual, intellectual STAGE 3: attachment or emotional. Pero, hindi lahat ng - If a relationship is going to last, people pagkagusto ay masasabing couldn't possibly stay in the attraction stage forever, otherwise they'd never tunay na pag-ibig. get any work done! - Lovestruck 1: Love Mo Siya, Sure Ka Ba? - Deciding stage. - Driven by oxytocin and vasopressin. 5 5/19/2014 VASOPRESSIN OXYTOCIN - an antidiuretic hormone, is another - associated with the ability to maintain chemical that has been associated healthy interpersonal relationships and with the formation of long-term, healthy psychological boundaries with other monogamous relationships people Oxytocin and vasopressin interfere with the dopamine and norepinephrine pathways, which might explain why passionate love fades as attachment grows. At the right mix of hormones – right feelings are produced. 6 5/19/2014 That is why LOVE But LOVE is more is a decision – not than right feelings. just a feeling. Triangular COMMITMENT Theory of Love 7 5/19/2014 - Intimacy - Passion - Commitment Often we’re pushing intimacy for the sake of intimacy – two people The joy of intimacy is getting close to each other the reward of without any real intention of making a long term commitment. commitment. (Hanggang attraction pero ayaw ng attachment.) - Joshua Harris, I Kissed Dating Goodbye BAKIT MASAKIT Frequently Asked ANG MABROKEN Questions: HEARTED? 8 5/19/2014 1. You are attached. 2. Because of (Emotionally.) (We commonly think that we are attached cortisol. yet we are only attracted.) CORTISOL – KASAMA BA TALAGA SA PAGMAMAHAL stress hormone ANG MASAKTAN? Oo. All of us have our imperfections. 9 5/19/2014 Kung ayaw mong Pero kung masasaktan masaktan, wag kang ka, matuto ring magmahal. magpatawad. This is love. HOW TO LOVE? Loved people You can’t love without first experiencing true love people. and genuine love. 10 5/19/2014 You can’t love without Love is something defining love – and deeper than a mix of without knowing Love chemicals. Himself. WHEN IS THE Payo ni Kuya DK: Kapag fully matured RIGHT TIME TO na ang frontal cortex LOVE? mo. Payo ni Kuya DK: KELAN MO Kapag season na para MASASABI NA magmahal – to find TRUE LOVE NA your partner in life. ITO? 11 5/19/2014 LUST LOVE MOTIVE Dating is recreational (for fun.) Finding a marriage partner. Relationships through trial and Payo ni Kuya DK: error before finding the right person is just right for you. It is true love when the three M’s are correct: your MOTIVE, your MINDSET Essentially self-centered Considering others above self. MINDSET and the METHOD. The whole process is about me. Will this person make me happy? “How can I be the one for Will this relationship meet my him/her?” need? METHOD Act as if you are married and see Commitment precedes if you like it. intimacy. Spend large amounts of time Ensure that significant alone together. amount of time is spent with other couples or friends Growing physical intimacy and rather than alone. intensity at the same track as your emotional intimacy. Couples seek accountability. Life is all about FRIENDLY REMINDERS NI relationships. The rest is KUYA DK: - Don’t rush in having relationships. Di ka just details. mapag-iiwanan ng tren. May magandang -Gary Smalley promise si God sayo. (Jeremiah 29:11) FRIENDLY REMINDERS NI KUYA DK: - Hormones lang yan. Ikaw pa rin ang may kontrol diyan! 12 5/19/2014 FRIENDLY REMINDERS NI KUYA DK: FRIENDLY REMINDERS NI - You have the freedom to KUYA DK: choose – BUT remember- you - Enjoy your singlehood. Seize are not free from the the day – Carpe Diem! consequences of your actions. FINAL WORDS: - Storge You may know love as - Eros LOVE, but the Greeks - Phileo have four words on love. - Agape Andyan ang pamilya mo to Wala ka mang ka- “eros” give you “storge” love ngayon (romantic love).. (Family love.) 13 5/19/2014 At siyempre, andyan si Andyan ang mga kaibigan Lord para bigyan ka ng mo to give you “phileo” tunay at wagas na “agape” love… (Brotherly love.) love. (Unconditional love.) Thank you! Be patient, God is writing your love story. 14 .
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